1
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:40,600
You can run, but you can't hide
from the Lord.

2
00:00:44,004 --> 00:00:46,459
You can never
judge a woman with bad...

3
00:01:25,313 --> 00:01:28,760
Sarah Rose knows
you're a beautiful person.

4
00:01:29,792 --> 00:01:34,526
Sarah Rose knows
you have an unusual talent.

5
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:39,447
Sarah Rose knows
you're a teenage girl.

6
00:01:39,488 --> 00:01:42,171
And she definitely knows...

7
00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:46,747
that you are ready for
the ultimate in teen glamour.

8
00:01:48,798 --> 00:01:53,053
The American
Teen Princess Pageant!

9
00:01:53,085 --> 00:01:55,737
And now, a few words
from last year's host...

10
00:01:55,774 --> 00:01:58,043
Mr. Adam West!

11
00:01:58,079 --> 00:02:00,467
The American
Teen Princess Pageant...

12
00:02:00,509 --> 00:02:06,138
has been enriching the lives of
American-made girls since 1945.

13
00:02:06,173 --> 00:02:08,694
The American
Teen Princess Pageant...

14
00:02:08,734 --> 00:02:13,043
provides personal growth,
scholarship, travel!

15
00:02:13,085 --> 00:02:16,762
And you might even meet
a few celebrities.

16
00:02:16,796 --> 00:02:18,040
Yes!

17
00:02:18,077 --> 00:02:19,483
At the national level...

18
00:02:19,516 --> 00:02:22,898
thousands of seventeen-year-old
girls like yourselves...

19
00:02:22,972 --> 00:02:25,819
compete around the country
in places like...

20
00:02:25,852 --> 00:02:28,186
beautiful Mount Rose,
Minnesota...

21
00:02:28,220 --> 00:02:32,049
and make it all the way
here to Lincoln, Alabama...

22
00:02:32,091 --> 00:02:36,051
to compete for the title
of American Teen Princess.

23
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:39,386
So which one of you will it be?

24
00:02:39,419 --> 00:02:44,950
Like sands through the hourglass
so are the "Days Of Our Lives."

25
00:02:47,674 --> 00:02:50,195
God, Iris, you taped
your shows over it.

26
00:02:50,234 --> 00:02:51,510
I'm sorry.

27
00:02:56,921 --> 00:02:59,539
Now, ladies,
the rest of the tape...

28
00:02:59,577 --> 00:03:01,910
which is now gone forever...

29
00:03:01,944 --> 00:03:05,076
goes on about starting
that great journey...

30
00:03:05,113 --> 00:03:08,112
which we call the American
Teen Princess Pageant.

31
00:03:08,153 --> 00:03:09,811
So any of you young ladies...

32
00:03:09,848 --> 00:03:11,507
who'd like to start
on that journey...

33
00:03:11,544 --> 00:03:13,845
you just come right down here
and sign up.

34
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,662
And, please, help yourself
to some coffee and bars.

35
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,215
Showtime.

36
00:03:21,751 --> 00:03:23,027
Do you think
most people would say...

37
00:03:23,062 --> 00:03:25,266
that teenage beauty pageants
are a good idea?

38
00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:26,676
Oh, yeah, sure.

39
00:03:26,711 --> 00:03:28,303
I know what some of your
big-city, no-bra-wearin'...

40
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:30,741
hairy-legged
women libbers might say.

41
00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:32,182
They might say that a pageant...

42
00:03:32,215 --> 00:03:34,483
is old-fashioned
and demeaning to the girls.

43
00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:36,461
What's sick is women
dressing like men.

44
00:03:36,502 --> 00:03:38,029
You betcha, Iris.

45
00:03:38,069 --> 00:03:39,957
No, I think you boys
are going to find something...

46
00:03:39,989 --> 00:03:41,680
a little bit different
here in Mount Rose.

47
00:03:41,718 --> 00:03:43,986
For one thing,
we're all God-fearin' folk.

48
00:03:44,022 --> 00:03:45,680
Every last one of us.

49
00:03:45,717 --> 00:03:49,907
And you will not find a
"back room" in our video store.

50
00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:52,941
No, that filth is better
left to the sin cities.

51
00:03:52,981 --> 00:03:54,955
A.k. a. Minneapolis, St. Paul.

52
00:04:16,755 --> 00:04:18,162
Oh, yeah, sure.

53
00:04:18,195 --> 00:04:19,569
Freda, sure.

54
00:04:19,603 --> 00:04:21,838
She was the oldest
living Lutheran.

55
00:04:21,874 --> 00:04:24,492
Now she's as dead as a doornail.

56
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,952
It's the damn Shriners
who won't take down...

57
00:04:26,994 --> 00:04:29,612
that goddamn sign,
the lazy sons of bitches.

58
00:04:29,682 --> 00:04:32,496
Every year... every damn year,
I tell 'em...

59
00:04:32,529 --> 00:04:34,896
"Take down
the goddamn Freda sign...

60
00:04:34,961 --> 00:04:36,368
"you lazy sons of bitches!"

61
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:53,067
Today's "to do" list includes
a trip to the Mall of America...

62
00:04:53,104 --> 00:04:54,991
where we are going
to be buying outfits...

63
00:04:55,024 --> 00:04:56,333
for the physical fitness number.

64
00:04:56,369 --> 00:04:57,350
Nothing too showy.

65
00:04:57,391 --> 00:04:58,918
No. You betcha, Iris.

66
00:04:58,959 --> 00:05:01,261
We need that third judge.
Gosh, don't let me forget...

67
00:05:01,327 --> 00:05:02,471
We need to think of a theme.

68
00:05:02,542 --> 00:05:04,844
Gladys, look out!

69
00:05:04,879 --> 00:05:06,767
Gosh darn it.
Hello, Father Dunegan.

70
00:05:06,832 --> 00:05:08,489
Sidewalks? Sidewalks?

71
00:05:09,999 --> 00:05:12,454
Iris, stop it.
It's not his fault.

72
00:05:12,495 --> 00:05:15,909
The communal wine just proves
too tempting for some of them.

73
00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:17,357
That's why we Lutherans
use grape Kool-Aid...

74
00:05:17,391 --> 00:05:18,699
for the blood of Christ.

75
00:05:18,734 --> 00:05:21,484
There's a parking space
over there.

76
00:05:21,518 --> 00:05:23,492
Oh, no.
That's just a compact. Sorry.

77
00:05:23,533 --> 00:05:25,224
You'd think they'd have
the parking lot of America...

78
00:05:25,262 --> 00:05:26,789
to go with the Mall of America.

79
00:05:26,830 --> 00:05:29,447
It's a $200 fine!

80
00:05:29,485 --> 00:05:32,332
I told you I would move the car
if a cripple came.

81
00:05:32,397 --> 00:05:35,462
Now just run in the store
and pick out some outfits.

82
00:05:35,532 --> 00:05:36,514
All right, let's go.

83
00:05:36,589 --> 00:05:37,996
Wait, wait, wait.

84
00:05:38,060 --> 00:05:39,237
What?

85
00:05:39,276 --> 00:05:40,901
I think I just thought
of the theme.

86
00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:43,526
Oh, what?

87
00:05:43,564 --> 00:05:46,051
"Proud to be an American."

88
00:05:46,091 --> 00:05:49,256
So, what was the theme
of the pageant last year?

89
00:05:49,292 --> 00:05:51,942
Oh, that was "Buy American."

90
00:05:51,979 --> 00:05:53,670
And the year before that was...

91
00:05:53,708 --> 00:05:55,812
"U.S.A. Is A-OK!"

92
00:05:55,851 --> 00:05:58,502
And can you remember the theme
of your favorite pageant?

93
00:05:58,539 --> 00:06:00,448
Can I?

94
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,213
"Amer-I Can!"

95
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:05,602
People ask me where I get this.

96
00:06:05,674 --> 00:06:07,976
I don't know.
A gift from God or something.

97
00:06:18,697 --> 00:06:19,810
Hi.

98
00:06:19,849 --> 00:06:23,362
Just introduce yourself
and tell us why...

99
00:06:23,401 --> 00:06:24,808
you're signing up
for the pageant.

100
00:06:24,841 --> 00:06:26,912
OK. Hi. Hi.

101
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:29,441
I'm Leslie Miller.

102
00:06:29,481 --> 00:06:32,961
I'm signing up 'cause,
you know...

103
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,975
I always watch
the pageants on TV...

104
00:06:35,016 --> 00:06:38,049
and my boyfriend
thinks I'll win.

105
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:39,614
For my talent,
I'm going to be doing...

106
00:06:39,688 --> 00:06:41,215
You've been talking
to this guy long enough.

107
00:06:41,288 --> 00:06:43,197
I'm trying to tell him...

108
00:06:43,271 --> 00:06:44,417
Now?

109
00:06:50,087 --> 00:06:51,494
Hi, Pat.

110
00:06:51,527 --> 00:06:52,955
Go Muskies!

111
00:06:55,655 --> 00:07:00,739
Hi. I'm Amber Atkins,
and I'm signing up...

112
00:07:00,774 --> 00:07:03,359
'cause my two favorite people
in the whole world...

113
00:07:03,397 --> 00:07:05,339
competed in pageants...

114
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:08,065
my mom and Diane Sawyer.

115
00:07:08,102 --> 00:07:09,508
Course, I hope I end up...

116
00:07:09,573 --> 00:07:11,875
a little more like Diane Sawyer
than my mom.

117
00:07:22,212 --> 00:07:24,546
Do you do
any of the embalming?

118
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:27,001
Oh, my God, no. Oh, God.

119
00:07:27,044 --> 00:07:28,899
I just do the hair and makeup
on the deceased.

120
00:07:31,012 --> 00:07:32,419
I'm lucky I have
an afterschool job...

121
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:33,858
where I can practice my talent.

122
00:07:38,147 --> 00:07:41,462
Oh, yeah, sure.
Every pageant is special...

123
00:07:41,538 --> 00:07:46,655
but this one
is extra-super-special to me.

124
00:07:46,690 --> 00:07:49,919
When I was seventeen...
I don't know if you know this...

125
00:07:49,955 --> 00:07:55,966
I was crowned Mount Rose's
American Teen Princess...

126
00:07:56,001 --> 00:07:58,074
and this year...

127
00:07:58,113 --> 00:08:00,731
drumroll, please...

128
00:08:00,769 --> 00:08:05,625
my lovely daughter
Rebecca Ann Leeman is competing.

129
00:08:07,168 --> 00:08:08,379
Is this my mark?

130
00:08:10,209 --> 00:08:14,070
Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman,
and I believe this pageant...

131
00:08:14,144 --> 00:08:15,933
is an important experience
for every young woman.

132
00:08:15,968 --> 00:08:18,008
It...

133
00:08:18,079 --> 00:08:20,927
Well, it teaches you what's
really important in life...

134
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,807
and it has the power
to change you...

135
00:08:23,839 --> 00:08:25,749
in ways you've never dreamed of.

136
00:08:35,006 --> 00:08:38,202
My mom gave me this nine-mill
for my thirteenth birthday.

137
00:08:38,238 --> 00:08:40,824
Yeah. I'll always remember
what she wrote in the card.

138
00:08:40,862 --> 00:08:42,803
"Jesus loves winners."

139
00:08:42,845 --> 00:08:46,162
That's why no matter what I do,
I aim to win.

140
00:08:51,101 --> 00:08:55,094
Why?
Well, it's kinda like asking...

141
00:08:55,133 --> 00:08:58,744
why all the guys chew
Copenhagen, you know?

142
00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:00,274
If you're seventeen...

143
00:09:00,316 --> 00:09:03,894
and you're not a total fry,
it's just what you do.

144
00:09:05,340 --> 00:09:07,796
Have you decided what
your talent is going to be yet?

145
00:09:07,836 --> 00:09:10,999
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I'm gonna sing and dance...

146
00:09:11,036 --> 00:09:13,141
to "New York, New York."

147
00:09:13,179 --> 00:09:15,829
I just fell in love with
the Big Apple last summer...

148
00:09:15,867 --> 00:09:18,169
when I was visiting
my brother Peter there.

149
00:09:18,235 --> 00:09:21,082
He followed his dream
all the way to New York.

150
00:09:21,147 --> 00:09:24,278
Wait.

151
00:09:24,315 --> 00:09:28,056
Here's Peter as... Liza!

152
00:09:28,090 --> 00:09:30,031
Here's him as Madonna.

153
00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:36,462
As Barbara.

154
00:09:41,369 --> 00:09:44,752
I don't know what
my talent's gonna be yet.

155
00:09:45,913 --> 00:09:49,175
Kenny! Kenny, come.
Come, Kenny.

156
00:09:49,241 --> 00:09:52,208
Oh, Kenny!
Oh, this is Kenny.

157
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,841
Spike, my German shepherd...

158
00:09:53,912 --> 00:09:56,366
he went to live
with a nice family on a farm...

159
00:09:56,439 --> 00:09:58,130
after he attacked me...

160
00:09:58,168 --> 00:10:00,502
but it wasn't his fault,
was it, Kenny? No.

161
00:10:00,536 --> 00:10:03,252
I had beef jerky
in my front pocket.

162
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,673
They remade my belly
with skin from my butt.

163
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:15,828
I was Mount Rose American
Teen Princess in 1945.

164
00:10:15,863 --> 00:10:20,085
We were at war with the Japs.

165
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,224
Didn't even get to keep
my damn tiara.

166
00:10:22,294 --> 00:10:25,708
I had to turn it in for scrap.

167
00:10:31,541 --> 00:10:36,778
So we adopt Molly three year ago
when we come to America...

168
00:10:36,821 --> 00:10:40,203
to help acclimate us
to American.

169
00:10:40,244 --> 00:10:42,383
To America, Dad.

170
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,121
She all-American girl.

171
00:10:47,156 --> 00:10:49,741
She our Teen American Princess.

172
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:50,957
Oh, Ma.

173
00:10:57,875 --> 00:10:59,281
English!

174
00:10:59,346 --> 00:11:01,714
Speak English,
you stupid little retard!

175
00:11:01,747 --> 00:11:06,416
So, Molly, tell movie man
what you talent do.

176
00:11:06,450 --> 00:11:08,305
I'll be line dancing.

177
00:11:08,338 --> 00:11:10,607
Country western!

178
00:11:10,642 --> 00:11:12,530
Clint Black, ruff!

179
00:11:12,562 --> 00:11:15,977
Hey, what he got that I not got?

180
00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:20,400
So have you decided what
your talent is going to be...

181
00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:21,742
for the pageant yet?

182
00:11:21,777 --> 00:11:25,705
Yeah. I'll be doing
a dramatic monologue...

183
00:11:25,776 --> 00:11:29,606
and right now
I'm thinking "Othello..."

184
00:11:29,681 --> 00:11:31,404
or "Soylent Green..."

185
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,572
Well, my own version of it.

186
00:11:34,608 --> 00:11:37,128
You know, a lot of girls
make a smooth transition...

187
00:11:37,167 --> 00:11:38,476
from pageants into acting.

188
00:11:38,512 --> 00:11:40,039
Competing for the title...

189
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:44,335
of Minnesota's American Teen
Princess sure was exciting...

190
00:11:44,368 --> 00:11:46,255
but I never could have won...

191
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:49,157
without my Saint Paul
pork products.

192
00:11:49,199 --> 00:11:53,257
I've been enjoying Saint Paul
pork products for years.

193
00:11:53,294 --> 00:11:56,011
I grew up right next
to these stockyards.

194
00:11:56,047 --> 00:11:58,697
It's still the same
family-run business...

195
00:11:58,766 --> 00:12:02,726
that Walter and Vera Pularski
started in 1920...

196
00:12:02,797 --> 00:12:06,093
when they raised
and slaughtered their first pig.

197
00:12:09,998 --> 00:12:13,510
I just love
Saint Paul pork products.

198
00:12:13,548 --> 00:12:16,418
In fact, I love 'em so much...

199
00:12:16,461 --> 00:12:18,697
I work here now!

200
00:12:20,301 --> 00:12:23,018
Oh, help yourself.

201
00:12:26,252 --> 00:12:27,943
Thanks.

202
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,441
You're welcome.

203
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:31,425
My talent will be...

204
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:32,809
an interpretive...

205
00:12:35,595 --> 00:12:37,286
dance...

206
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:39,778
while I sign...

207
00:12:39,818 --> 00:12:42,601
"Through the Eyes of Love."

208
00:12:42,635 --> 00:12:45,766
Yeah. Well, see...

209
00:12:45,802 --> 00:12:47,810
I have a dream...

210
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,948
of spreading sign language...

211
00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:53,441
around the world.

212
00:12:55,401 --> 00:12:59,842
Mom, will you be so kind?

213
00:13:07,817 --> 00:13:09,759
Tammy Curry...

214
00:13:09,833 --> 00:13:11,620
and I'm signing up
for the pageant...

215
00:13:11,656 --> 00:13:12,769
'cause of
the scholarships and all.

216
00:13:12,808 --> 00:13:14,696
This one's for varsity soccer.

217
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:16,069
I'm captain.

218
00:13:16,103 --> 00:13:19,486
I run track, and right here
I'm the new president...

219
00:13:19,528 --> 00:13:20,956
of the Lutheran
Sisterhood Gun Club.

220
00:13:20,999 --> 00:13:23,301
Love that one.

221
00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:29,990
Would you say...

222
00:13:30,024 --> 00:13:31,997
you have a good chance
to win this pageant?

223
00:13:32,039 --> 00:13:33,926
Yeah. You bet I do.

224
00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:37,406
I mean, maybe other people think
I can't win a beauty pageant...

225
00:13:37,478 --> 00:13:39,649
but other people didn't think
I could beat out...

226
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:43,963
Becky Leeman for president of
the gun club, either, and I did.

227
00:13:44,006 --> 00:13:46,308
It's just like
Anthony Robbins says...

228
00:13:46,342 --> 00:13:47,519
"I'm a winner.

229
00:13:47,558 --> 00:13:50,209
"Nobody can stop me but me."

230
00:14:00,485 --> 00:14:03,801
Well, you know, I think
everybody's doing really well...

231
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,113
considering the fact
she was so young.

232
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:07,806
It's always hard to see
the young ones called home.

233
00:14:07,876 --> 00:14:10,745
Especially
on an exploding thresher.

234
00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:14,135
It's just so odd and gross.

235
00:14:14,211 --> 00:14:15,618
You know, sometimes...

236
00:14:15,652 --> 00:14:18,750
it's hard to understand
God's great plan.

237
00:14:20,483 --> 00:14:22,371
But the show must go on.

238
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,158
I gotta get ahold of Ted...

239
00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:26,136
and ask him if we can use that
barn light as a spot again...

240
00:14:26,178 --> 00:14:28,251
so you watch
the Jell-O salad, OK?

241
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:30,395
You girls gonna sign up
for the pageant this year?

242
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:32,344
I ain't gonna be
in no goddamn pageant.

243
00:14:32,386 --> 00:14:34,273
Look what happened
to that dork-ass farm girl.

244
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:35,287
Tammy Curry?

245
00:14:35,329 --> 00:14:37,468
Yeah. Everyone says
this is a big accident?

246
00:14:37,537 --> 00:14:39,425
She got iced
because she wins everything...

247
00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:41,399
and this time someone
didn't want her to win.

248
00:14:41,473 --> 00:14:42,934
This pageant's
like a Roach Motel.

249
00:14:43,009 --> 00:14:44,897
Girls check in,
but they don't check out.

250
00:14:44,961 --> 00:14:47,775
Yeah, and they say smoking's
bad for your health.

251
00:14:51,936 --> 00:14:55,710
And... tendu, close.
Tendu, close.

252
00:14:55,744 --> 00:14:58,232
Tendu, close, pli�.

253
00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,450
And repeat.

254
00:14:59,488 --> 00:15:00,699
Tendu...

255
00:15:00,735 --> 00:15:02,677
Suck in the bellies, girls!

256
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,694
And tuck in the tushes!

257
00:15:04,736 --> 00:15:06,142
Close those legs.

258
00:15:06,175 --> 00:15:08,925
You look like a bunch
of bowlegged cows.

259
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,380
Other side!

260
00:15:11,454 --> 00:15:14,750
And tendu, close. Tendu, close.

261
00:15:14,815 --> 00:15:16,092
Tendu, close, pli�.

262
00:15:16,127 --> 00:15:18,810
Yeah, you boys
sure picked a good year.

263
00:15:18,847 --> 00:15:20,734
If I was a betting woman...

264
00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:22,140
and there was a line
on this in Vegas...

265
00:15:22,174 --> 00:15:24,792
I'd lay down ten to one
that it all comes down...

266
00:15:24,830 --> 00:15:26,969
to Amber Atkins
and Becky Leeman.

267
00:15:27,005 --> 00:15:28,761
Oh, sweet Jesus.

268
00:15:28,798 --> 00:15:30,227
What a showdown this should be.

269
00:15:30,270 --> 00:15:32,125
If Cain and Abel...

270
00:15:32,158 --> 00:15:34,229
Oh, God!

271
00:15:34,269 --> 00:15:35,927
That's so embarrassing.

272
00:15:42,045 --> 00:15:46,453
My winning the Mount Rose...

273
00:15:46,525 --> 00:15:52,504
American Teen Princess Pageant
really changed my life.

274
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:56,598
Amber does my hair once a week.

275
00:15:56,636 --> 00:15:58,806
Well, it's the least I can do...

276
00:15:58,843 --> 00:16:03,545
for the reigning Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

277
00:16:03,579 --> 00:16:05,782
- Oh, God.
- What?

278
00:16:05,819 --> 00:16:08,601
Oh, just a little snarl.

279
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,227
Don't tell.

280
00:16:12,026 --> 00:16:14,447
What? Oh, my God.

281
00:16:14,522 --> 00:16:18,232
Lights, camera, and me
without a stitch of makeup on.

282
00:16:18,266 --> 00:16:20,208
What are you guys doing here?

283
00:16:20,281 --> 00:16:21,907
What are you doing here?

284
00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:26,964
Oh, Amber, like you're
the only one who visits Mary?

285
00:16:27,001 --> 00:16:29,140
Who are you?

286
00:16:29,177 --> 00:16:33,367
"Who are you?"
Oh, Mary, you kill me.

287
00:16:33,401 --> 00:16:35,189
She always says that.

288
00:16:35,225 --> 00:16:37,744
It's a little game
we play every week.

289
00:16:37,784 --> 00:16:39,791
Same dippy little look
on her face.

290
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,134
"Who are you? Who are you?"

291
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,575
Just like that.

292
00:16:43,608 --> 00:16:46,095
It's me... Becky.

293
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:49,647
And I brought your favorites.

294
00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:52,402
Real nice, Becky.
She's anorexic.

295
00:16:52,439 --> 00:16:56,236
She's skinny, Amber, not deaf.

296
00:17:17,588 --> 00:17:21,298
So, beyond this pageant
you must have certain dreams...

297
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:23,219
and certain things
you aspire to, yeah?

298
00:17:24,212 --> 00:17:26,449
Yeah, I got dreams.

299
00:17:27,637 --> 00:17:30,255
Sometimes I dream of winning.

300
00:17:30,292 --> 00:17:31,852
I dream of getting out
of Mount Rose...

301
00:17:31,892 --> 00:17:35,404
and being a big-time reporter
like Diane Sawyer.

302
00:17:35,443 --> 00:17:38,193
I mean, guys get out of
Mount Rose all the time...

303
00:17:38,228 --> 00:17:40,845
for hockey scholarships...

304
00:17:40,883 --> 00:17:42,225
or prison.

305
00:17:42,259 --> 00:17:45,488
Yeah, 1963.

306
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,084
Her beauty worked against her...

307
00:17:47,123 --> 00:17:50,286
when she started as a reporter
in Louisville, her hometown.

308
00:17:50,354 --> 00:17:51,881
Those were different times.

309
00:17:53,458 --> 00:17:54,984
That's my mom.

310
00:17:55,058 --> 00:17:56,749
Hey, Amber,
did you get my smokes?

311
00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:59,121
Yeah. I'll get 'em in a sec.

312
00:17:59,154 --> 00:18:01,194
Aw, shit.

313
00:18:01,234 --> 00:18:02,543
They're from Los Angeles.

314
00:18:02,578 --> 00:18:04,748
They wanted to see my room
and film me for their movie.

315
00:18:04,785 --> 00:18:07,752
Yeah, well, if they ask you
to take your top off...

316
00:18:07,793 --> 00:18:09,703
get the money first.

317
00:18:09,745 --> 00:18:11,632
And go get my smokes!

318
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,876
Hey, hey, you like it?

319
00:18:31,919 --> 00:18:33,326
- Open it.
- This?

320
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:34,766
Yeah, the globe.

321
00:18:34,799 --> 00:18:36,456
Go on,
pull on the North Pole there.

322
00:18:36,495 --> 00:18:37,640
Here, watch.

323
00:18:37,678 --> 00:18:38,693
Honey, this isn't a showroom.

324
00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:40,906
See, this holds three
full-size booze bottles.

325
00:18:40,943 --> 00:18:43,146
Tape cassette
comes out of Afghanistan.

326
00:18:45,102 --> 00:18:46,989
All right, all right.

327
00:18:47,021 --> 00:18:49,705
How quickly they forget
where this all comes from.

328
00:18:49,741 --> 00:18:51,148
Taiwan.

329
00:18:51,182 --> 00:18:53,702
That's enough, young lady.

330
00:18:53,774 --> 00:18:55,661
I beg your pardon.
Would you like a drink?

331
00:18:55,694 --> 00:18:57,449
Impartial?

332
00:18:57,484 --> 00:19:00,005
When I'm outside these walls,
I am Gladys Leeman...

333
00:19:00,045 --> 00:19:02,314
president Civil Servettes,
impartial as the day is long.

334
00:19:02,348 --> 00:19:04,291
But I'm in my house now,
and I gotta warn you...

335
00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:06,472
I'm wearing my wife apron
and my mom hat...

336
00:19:06,509 --> 00:19:08,330
so I can safely say
that I am the mother...

337
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:11,234
of the most talented contestant
Mount Rose has ever had.

338
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,163
Oh, gosh, she's been
singing and dancing...

339
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:14,886
since she was knee-high
to a pig's eye.

340
00:19:14,924 --> 00:19:16,996
Yeah, she's damn
near as good as...

341
00:19:17,036 --> 00:19:18,922
you know, that little...
that black fellow...

342
00:19:18,955 --> 00:19:20,449
the one with the glass eye...

343
00:19:20,491 --> 00:19:21,571
the Candy Man...

344
00:19:21,612 --> 00:19:23,978
- Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Yeah, the Jew.

345
00:19:24,010 --> 00:19:25,669
Nice one, Dad. He's dead.

346
00:19:37,226 --> 00:19:38,917
Yeah. Then we have
the Judges Interview.

347
00:19:38,954 --> 00:19:41,801
Where each girl has a little
ten-minute get-together...

348
00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:44,168
with the judges
prior to the pageant.

349
00:19:44,202 --> 00:19:45,608
Then we have the...

350
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:51,331
Hello, Tony.

351
00:19:54,473 --> 00:19:55,552
Hey to the folks.

352
00:19:55,592 --> 00:19:56,869
Yeah, all right.

353
00:19:56,936 --> 00:19:58,562
Gladys, the Judges Interview.

354
00:20:05,703 --> 00:20:08,868
So you've judged a lot
of pageants over the years?

355
00:20:08,904 --> 00:20:11,172
No. No. No way. No.

356
00:20:11,207 --> 00:20:13,094
Never judged a pageant
before in my life.

357
00:20:15,016 --> 00:20:16,476
No way.

358
00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:18,428
Never been around young girls.

359
00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:25,249
I mean, even if I was...

360
00:20:25,286 --> 00:20:27,325
I mean, why would I want
to be, you know?

361
00:20:27,366 --> 00:20:29,024
I don't get off
on that kind of thing.

362
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:30,720
That's really
why you're asking, right?

363
00:20:33,989 --> 00:20:35,364
Someone say something?

364
00:20:43,813 --> 00:20:45,023
Do you judge the pageant
every year?

365
00:20:45,061 --> 00:20:47,297
No. I've never judged
nothin' before.

366
00:20:47,332 --> 00:20:50,049
Harold, are we on "Cops"?

367
00:20:50,084 --> 00:20:51,196
Are we on "Cops," Harold?

368
00:20:51,237 --> 00:20:52,513
Shut up, Hank.
This here's business.

369
00:20:55,204 --> 00:20:57,244
Harold,
Mom said not in the head!

370
00:20:57,284 --> 00:20:59,705
Well, Mom's dead,
so shut your flytrap.

371
00:20:59,747 --> 00:21:02,169
I will if you shut your piehole.

372
00:21:11,651 --> 00:21:13,058
Don't make me...

373
00:21:13,091 --> 00:21:14,235
Don't make me kick you
where the good Lord...

374
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:16,216
Don't make me
split you where you...

375
00:21:16,258 --> 00:21:17,883
Come on!
You want some of this!

376
00:21:20,034 --> 00:21:21,212
So, are you excited?

377
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:22,624
Oh, you bet.

378
00:21:22,658 --> 00:21:25,046
We're happier than the day
Hankie got acquitted.

379
00:21:25,089 --> 00:21:27,773
I get made a judge, then
the furniture store hires us...

380
00:21:27,810 --> 00:21:29,816
to paint the whole damn thing.

381
00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:31,744
We're going to use the money...

382
00:21:31,777 --> 00:21:33,686
to get our mom
a proper headstone...

383
00:21:33,729 --> 00:21:36,925
and to move her out
to the cemetery.

384
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,905
Listen, guys,
if you see anything you like...

385
00:21:42,944 --> 00:21:45,813
you just let me know because
I happen to know the owner.

386
00:21:45,856 --> 00:21:47,928
So, here we are.

387
00:21:47,968 --> 00:21:50,172
My place of business,
my little house of worship...

388
00:21:50,207 --> 00:21:52,858
the world's largest
Conestoga wagon.

389
00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:54,651
Right here, we have
a very attractive unit.

390
00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:57,403
Farmers like that one.

391
00:21:57,438 --> 00:22:00,024
OK, showtime.

392
00:22:00,063 --> 00:22:02,844
Hey, Tim, Carla, listen...

393
00:22:02,879 --> 00:22:05,268
you two don't Jew me down
too much on that dinette...

394
00:22:05,343 --> 00:22:07,611
I'll throw in a hutch
for free, OK?

395
00:22:07,646 --> 00:22:09,555
See, that's my specialty.

396
00:22:09,630 --> 00:22:13,208
You don't pay less,
I give you more.

397
00:22:13,245 --> 00:22:16,856
The secret is... the hutch
is included in the price.

398
00:22:16,893 --> 00:22:19,446
Ain't that right, Jean?

399
00:22:19,485 --> 00:22:21,689
Take a memo, sweetheart.

400
00:22:34,428 --> 00:22:36,632
Five, six, seven... and one...

401
00:22:36,668 --> 00:22:38,772
Get that tempo right.
Kick it!

402
00:22:38,843 --> 00:22:39,923
Come on, kick it!

403
00:22:46,940 --> 00:22:49,590
Just watching the young girls.

404
00:22:49,626 --> 00:22:51,830
Contestants. You know...

405
00:22:51,867 --> 00:22:54,255
like the rest of my friends
and neighbors.

406
00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:00,409
Are you getting her?

407
00:23:00,441 --> 00:23:01,903
The third one, the blond one.

408
00:23:01,946 --> 00:23:03,605
Leave him alone. It's OK.

409
00:23:09,432 --> 00:23:13,327
It's just a camera I keep
in the glove compartment...

410
00:23:13,401 --> 00:23:17,394
for... car accidents.
Insurance.

411
00:23:20,216 --> 00:23:22,104
I mean, you guys got a camera...

412
00:23:22,136 --> 00:23:24,144
and no one's accusing you
of anything, right?

413
00:23:41,366 --> 00:23:44,214
So, Brett, you want to go
to the lake with me on Thursday?

414
00:23:44,246 --> 00:23:47,726
Actually,
I got practice on Thursday.

415
00:23:47,798 --> 00:23:49,227
Well, maybe Friday then.

416
00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:51,635
A bunch of us
were going cow tipping.

417
00:23:51,669 --> 00:23:54,222
Well...

418
00:23:54,262 --> 00:23:56,149
I'm kind of busy on Friday.

419
00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:10,322
Give her your tray, Brett.

420
00:24:10,356 --> 00:24:12,527
You're holding up the line.

421
00:24:14,292 --> 00:24:15,885
Give it to her.

422
00:24:15,956 --> 00:24:17,778
Here, I'll take it.
It's my job.

423
00:24:17,811 --> 00:24:19,950
No. It's all right.
Don't worry about it.

424
00:24:19,988 --> 00:24:22,638
Well, you're supposed
to put it in the...

425
00:24:26,995 --> 00:24:29,100
Aw, man.

426
00:24:29,139 --> 00:24:32,205
You got some lutefisk
in your hair.

427
00:24:32,243 --> 00:24:33,933
Then it must be Wednesday.

428
00:24:35,794 --> 00:24:39,984
Lutefisk is codfish
that's been salted...

429
00:24:40,017 --> 00:24:42,603
and soaked in lye
for a week or so.

430
00:24:45,010 --> 00:24:47,279
It's best with lots of butter.

431
00:24:47,314 --> 00:24:51,023
I'm not really busy on Friday.

432
00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:53,424
I was just saying that,
you know?

433
00:24:53,490 --> 00:24:54,569
I know.

434
00:24:54,609 --> 00:24:56,103
Well...

435
00:24:56,144 --> 00:24:58,566
if you wanted to do something...

436
00:24:58,608 --> 00:25:01,608
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet.

437
00:25:01,648 --> 00:25:03,055
Oh, crap.

438
00:25:03,089 --> 00:25:04,997
I probably gotta work
at the funeral home.

439
00:25:05,039 --> 00:25:06,949
We're real busy
this time of year.

440
00:25:06,991 --> 00:25:09,326
Hunting season.

441
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:11,978
Well, I'm cutting out of here
early today...

442
00:25:12,015 --> 00:25:13,641
and doing
a little duck hunting...

443
00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:15,402
but maybe I could
call you tonight?

444
00:25:15,438 --> 00:25:16,551
Yeah, sure.

445
00:25:17,775 --> 00:25:18,888
- All right.
- Fine.

446
00:25:33,517 --> 00:25:35,044
Oh, God.

447
00:25:35,085 --> 00:25:37,703
You don't think Becky
saw you guys, do you?

448
00:25:37,741 --> 00:25:39,498
Look, you shouldn't be in here.

449
00:25:39,533 --> 00:25:40,842
Doreen gave us hair nets.

450
00:25:40,878 --> 00:25:43,495
No, listen.
We shouldn't talk here.

451
00:25:43,533 --> 00:25:46,500
Stop by my house tonight, OK?

452
00:25:47,980 --> 00:25:49,093
Go.

453
00:26:03,083 --> 00:26:04,577
They take out her butt?

454
00:26:04,619 --> 00:26:07,075
Oh, Jesus H. Christ.

455
00:26:07,115 --> 00:26:08,675
Oh, are we on "Cops" again?

456
00:26:08,715 --> 00:26:10,406
OK, be quiet.

457
00:26:11,435 --> 00:26:13,638
It's just the guys
that are, you know...

458
00:26:13,675 --> 00:26:15,497
making the movie
about the pageant.

459
00:26:15,530 --> 00:26:17,505
I told you all about 'em.
This here's Loretta.

460
00:26:17,547 --> 00:26:20,001
I tell Annette, you talk to me
during my stories...

461
00:26:20,042 --> 00:26:22,017
you might as well
be talking to the wall.

462
00:26:22,090 --> 00:26:23,464
You guys want a beer?

463
00:26:23,497 --> 00:26:25,472
No, thank you. Is Amber here?

464
00:26:25,546 --> 00:26:26,855
Oh, no. You just missed her.

465
00:26:26,890 --> 00:26:29,191
She got called down
to the bone gardens.

466
00:26:29,225 --> 00:26:30,981
She's in a hell of a mood today.

467
00:26:31,017 --> 00:26:32,740
Say, you boys been
to the Leemans'?

468
00:26:32,777 --> 00:26:33,954
Shut it, Loretta.

469
00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:36,327
If so, you got all the pictures
of the winner you need.

470
00:26:36,361 --> 00:26:37,441
- Shut it.
- It's true.

471
00:26:41,288 --> 00:26:44,484
Let's just say who should win,
who deserves to win is Amber.

472
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,815
Why don't you just paint
a target on your ass?

473
00:26:47,848 --> 00:26:49,636
Best damn tapper,
the most smartest.

474
00:26:49,671 --> 00:26:50,751
Most smartest?

475
00:26:50,791 --> 00:26:53,159
Oh, that's great.
You're real educated.

476
00:26:53,224 --> 00:26:55,427
"Most smartest."
Get a picture of that.

477
00:26:55,495 --> 00:26:56,837
Most smartest.

478
00:26:56,871 --> 00:26:58,148
I'm cutting you off
and sending you home.

479
00:26:58,183 --> 00:27:01,249
Excuse me, but I'm bragging up
your kid here.

480
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:02,563
I know. Come on, let's go.

481
00:27:02,598 --> 00:27:04,322
Amber's gonna be the next
Diane Sawyer, you know.

482
00:27:04,358 --> 00:27:05,667
They're making a movie here.

483
00:27:05,702 --> 00:27:07,525
All right,
they're making a movie.

484
00:27:07,558 --> 00:27:09,697
What makes you think
that Becky's going to win?

485
00:27:09,734 --> 00:27:10,879
Why do I think Becky'll win?

486
00:27:10,918 --> 00:27:12,445
You're talking... Don't pinch.

487
00:27:12,486 --> 00:27:14,788
You're talking about the richest
family in a small town.

488
00:27:14,822 --> 00:27:17,341
It's front-page news
when one of 'em takes a shit.

489
00:27:17,382 --> 00:27:18,527
Oh, great.

490
00:27:20,389 --> 00:27:21,982
Can one of you boys
give me a ride home?

491
00:27:22,021 --> 00:27:23,199
Don't fall for it.

492
00:27:23,237 --> 00:27:24,644
She lives two trailers down.

493
00:27:24,709 --> 00:27:25,855
So? Be real easy.

494
00:27:25,926 --> 00:27:27,299
Go on home, Loretta.

495
00:27:27,333 --> 00:27:29,405
Go on. The party's over.

496
00:27:38,915 --> 00:27:40,224
Oh, my God!

497
00:27:40,260 --> 00:27:43,074
Jesus Christ on a cross!

498
00:27:43,107 --> 00:27:45,857
Look, number one rule
in a funeral home...

499
00:27:45,891 --> 00:27:48,029
Never sneak up on the living.

500
00:27:48,066 --> 00:27:49,627
You never know who could
have an embalming needle...

501
00:27:49,667 --> 00:27:51,490
or a skull saw in their hand.

502
00:27:51,523 --> 00:27:53,792
Mr. Larson's son
learned the hard way.

503
00:27:53,826 --> 00:27:55,866
He's buried next to my grandpa.

504
00:28:01,986 --> 00:28:03,480
Are you upset about Brett?

505
00:28:03,554 --> 00:28:05,342
Upset about Brett?

506
00:28:05,378 --> 00:28:08,541
Nah. Hazard of the trade.

507
00:28:09,601 --> 00:28:13,278
I don't really have time
for guys anyways.

508
00:28:13,314 --> 00:28:14,523
It's weird, though.

509
00:28:14,561 --> 00:28:17,278
He took it
right between the eyes.

510
00:28:18,529 --> 00:28:20,022
Don't often see that.

511
00:28:22,016 --> 00:28:24,666
So, you know,
Brett just got shot in the head.

512
00:28:24,704 --> 00:28:25,881
He did?

513
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:27,742
Well, hunting's dangerous.

514
00:28:28,864 --> 00:28:31,319
So, anyways, my mom gave me
this thirty-aught...

515
00:28:31,392 --> 00:28:32,821
for my sixteenth birthday.

516
00:28:37,247 --> 00:28:39,255
I need Stella now.

517
00:28:39,295 --> 00:28:41,204
The family's steaming
like a cow pie in July.

518
00:28:41,247 --> 00:28:43,614
Said she doesn't look nothin'
like the picture they gave you.

519
00:28:43,647 --> 00:28:45,621
Sorry. I just thought she might
not want to meet her maker...

520
00:28:45,662 --> 00:28:47,189
looking like a cheap whore.

521
00:28:47,230 --> 00:28:50,045
Well, this cheap whore
is that family's loving mother.

522
00:28:50,079 --> 00:28:52,500
The Clemens
said to make him look...

523
00:28:52,542 --> 00:28:54,233
like he just came in
from snowmobiling.

524
00:28:54,270 --> 00:28:55,645
Pink cheeks and...

525
00:28:55,677 --> 00:28:57,946
Red nose and ears.
I know, I know.

526
00:29:12,508 --> 00:29:16,535
Sorry I couldn't talk to you
before in the cafeteria.

527
00:29:16,572 --> 00:29:18,262
I was scared, OK?

528
00:29:18,299 --> 00:29:21,748
I open my locker today
after first period...

529
00:29:21,788 --> 00:29:26,065
and there's a picture
of Tammy Curry taped inside.

530
00:29:26,108 --> 00:29:28,082
This was written on the back:

531
00:29:30,107 --> 00:29:32,976
Oh, yeah,
hell of a way to go, there.

532
00:29:33,050 --> 00:29:35,636
After some thorough
investigating...

533
00:29:35,707 --> 00:29:39,002
we determined
that the Curry girl...

534
00:29:39,066 --> 00:29:41,619
must have been smoking
and driving.

535
00:29:41,658 --> 00:29:44,341
Well, yeah, Tammy liked
to drive her dad's thresher...

536
00:29:44,377 --> 00:29:46,385
but, I mean...

537
00:29:46,426 --> 00:29:48,531
She said the heavy vibration
helped her think.

538
00:29:48,569 --> 00:29:51,952
But I know for a fact Tammy
only smoked after a good drive.

539
00:29:51,993 --> 00:29:55,473
You ask me or anyone else who
isn't scared to talk about it...

540
00:29:55,513 --> 00:29:57,401
Tammy was murdered.

541
00:29:59,257 --> 00:30:02,072
I bet Diane Sawyer never had
to deal with crap like this.

542
00:30:03,064 --> 00:30:05,136
If it's another stray bullet
to the head...

543
00:30:05,208 --> 00:30:06,452
I'm gonna need more caps.

544
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:07,698
You have to go home.

545
00:30:07,768 --> 00:30:09,709
There's some kind of emergency
at the trailer park.

546
00:30:09,783 --> 00:30:10,896
Relax. That's my ma's code...

547
00:30:10,968 --> 00:30:12,375
for bring home milk
and a carton of Lucky...

548
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,505
No. Loretta called.
There's been a fire.

549
00:30:19,734 --> 00:30:21,196
Oh, my God.

550
00:30:40,885 --> 00:30:43,057
Hey, hey, hey! Family?

551
00:30:43,093 --> 00:30:45,940
No, she's just screaming "Mom"
because she's got Turret's.

552
00:30:46,004 --> 00:30:47,281
She's Annette's kid, dipshit.

553
00:30:47,316 --> 00:30:50,099
She's alive, sweetie.
She's right over there.

554
00:30:55,316 --> 00:30:57,290
I'll be right behind you
in the hearse, OK?

555
00:30:57,332 --> 00:30:59,339
Don't let that worry you,
Annette!

556
00:31:09,971 --> 00:31:14,705
So, Doctor, is this sort
of an unusual injury?

557
00:31:14,739 --> 00:31:17,008
This was a doozie.

558
00:31:17,043 --> 00:31:20,304
Right now our chief concern
is to stabilize Annette here...

559
00:31:20,339 --> 00:31:22,891
and then in surgery...

560
00:31:22,929 --> 00:31:24,336
remove this.

561
00:31:24,370 --> 00:31:26,792
Oh, God.

562
00:31:26,834 --> 00:31:28,426
Oh, Mom, it's so ugly.

563
00:31:28,465 --> 00:31:31,248
Ruined a brand-new pair
of Lee Press-Ons.

564
00:31:31,281 --> 00:31:35,242
Well, I sat down to have a beer,
and kablooey.

565
00:31:35,281 --> 00:31:36,688
Next thing I know...

566
00:31:36,721 --> 00:31:39,054
something blows
through my kitchen window...

567
00:31:39,089 --> 00:31:42,733
and I'm ass-up
in somebody's flower bed.

568
00:31:42,801 --> 00:31:45,735
Hey, ass-wipe, quit dicking
around with the camera.

569
00:31:45,808 --> 00:31:47,052
Just put another book under it.

570
00:31:47,088 --> 00:31:48,233
Dude, don't say "ass-wipe."

571
00:31:48,273 --> 00:31:51,567
Mom's got the window open.
We gotta hurry up, though...

572
00:31:51,631 --> 00:31:53,672
because we only got three
frickin' minutes on the battery.

573
00:31:53,712 --> 00:31:54,921
All right, ready.

574
00:31:54,959 --> 00:31:56,071
One, two...

575
00:31:56,112 --> 00:31:57,192
One, two, three!

576
00:32:01,295 --> 00:32:02,375
Shit!

577
00:32:02,415 --> 00:32:03,659
Let's get out of here!

578
00:32:07,854 --> 00:32:09,992
I shoved your tap shoes
in my panties...

579
00:32:10,030 --> 00:32:12,102
before I was blown
out of the house.

580
00:32:12,142 --> 00:32:14,378
You go find the guy
who cut 'em off.

581
00:32:14,446 --> 00:32:15,493
He'll give 'em to you...

582
00:32:15,566 --> 00:32:18,828
so you can practice
for the pageant.

583
00:32:21,453 --> 00:32:22,697
About that...

584
00:32:25,645 --> 00:32:27,652
I... Oh, my God!

585
00:32:30,029 --> 00:32:33,159
Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

586
00:32:33,197 --> 00:32:35,368
She's pregnant!

587
00:32:35,405 --> 00:32:37,192
Oh, Amber, wait!

588
00:32:37,228 --> 00:32:39,617
Come back here.
Mommy wants to talk to you.

589
00:32:39,660 --> 00:32:41,286
And then kill you!

590
00:32:41,324 --> 00:32:43,364
Why don't you see
if there's any more beer...

591
00:32:43,404 --> 00:32:45,226
left in that can
and relax a bit?

592
00:32:47,146 --> 00:32:49,765
- I'm quitting the pageant.
- You're what?

593
00:32:49,835 --> 00:32:51,362
I'm quitting the pageant.

594
00:32:51,436 --> 00:32:55,112
I was just trying to scare you
into changing your mind.

595
00:32:55,147 --> 00:32:56,969
Christ, the woman clung
to your tap shoes...

596
00:32:57,003 --> 00:32:59,391
while flying through the air
like a goddamn lawn dart.

597
00:32:59,434 --> 00:33:00,612
I know, I know.

598
00:33:00,650 --> 00:33:03,649
Hey, Little Miss Sad Pants
and her friend Serious Sally.

599
00:33:03,690 --> 00:33:05,283
How about
some nice cool mints...

600
00:33:05,322 --> 00:33:07,743
to turn those frowns
upside down?

601
00:33:09,097 --> 00:33:10,985
Do you think a nice cool mint
would help...

602
00:33:11,018 --> 00:33:13,505
if I shoved your head
up your ass?

603
00:33:16,457 --> 00:33:17,766
So what do I say?

604
00:33:17,833 --> 00:33:19,655
Simple, just say...

605
00:33:23,017 --> 00:33:24,904
I know you sacrificed
everything...

606
00:33:24,937 --> 00:33:26,977
relationships, dreams...

607
00:33:27,016 --> 00:33:28,423
your tummy, ass, and thighs...

608
00:33:28,457 --> 00:33:29,863
all to bring me
into this world...

609
00:33:29,895 --> 00:33:32,678
all so I could have tap lessons
and be in the pageant...

610
00:33:32,712 --> 00:33:35,133
the same one you were in,
but you know what?

611
00:33:35,175 --> 00:33:36,321
I'm quitting.

612
00:33:36,359 --> 00:33:38,781
There. Easy as pie.

613
00:33:38,824 --> 00:33:40,798
Oh, my God. I am so dead.

614
00:33:40,839 --> 00:33:41,821
Yeah, you betcha.

615
00:33:42,791 --> 00:33:44,068
Go on, get out!

616
00:33:44,103 --> 00:33:47,201
Next one in here without a pack
of Luckys in her hand dies!

617
00:33:47,238 --> 00:33:50,304
Yeah, sure.
You have a super day, too.

618
00:33:50,374 --> 00:33:51,901
Get out!

619
00:33:52,998 --> 00:33:55,299
Mom, look. Don't talk.

620
00:33:55,334 --> 00:33:58,814
First of all,
I'm not pregnant, OK?

621
00:33:58,854 --> 00:34:01,919
I am not letting go
until you tell me what's up.

622
00:34:01,957 --> 00:34:05,601
Amber, I am reaching a point
where I would kill someone...

623
00:34:05,637 --> 00:34:07,164
for the nicotine
under their fingernails.

624
00:34:07,205 --> 00:34:08,318
You hear me, Loretta?

625
00:34:08,357 --> 00:34:10,561
OK, OK...

626
00:34:10,597 --> 00:34:13,280
yesterday I got this picture...

627
00:34:13,317 --> 00:34:16,611
so I'm thinking about...

628
00:34:16,644 --> 00:34:18,051
you know...

629
00:34:18,084 --> 00:34:19,775
I'm gonna quit the pageant.

630
00:34:19,812 --> 00:34:21,219
What?

631
00:34:21,283 --> 00:34:22,909
Oh, excuse us, guys.

632
00:34:22,980 --> 00:34:25,730
Would you excuse us
for a moment?

633
00:34:25,764 --> 00:34:27,902
Loretta, get out of here!
Go on, get out.

634
00:34:27,939 --> 00:34:29,051
What's your problem?

635
00:34:29,092 --> 00:34:31,960
What's my problem?
Sit your skinny little ass down.

636
00:34:32,002 --> 00:34:33,432
Nice, Ma. Real nice.

637
00:34:33,475 --> 00:34:34,849
Nice mouth you got there...

638
00:34:34,883 --> 00:34:36,738
but I'm not going
through this again.

639
00:34:36,771 --> 00:34:38,909
You? You're not
going through it again?

640
00:34:38,947 --> 00:34:41,794
You're not the one that knows
how Jiffy Pop feels, missy.

641
00:34:41,827 --> 00:34:43,353
Oh, come on, Mom.

642
00:34:43,394 --> 00:34:45,783
First the picture of Tammy, then
Brett Clemmens, and now this?

643
00:34:45,826 --> 00:34:47,233
It's scary.

644
00:34:47,266 --> 00:34:49,305
Scary?
Let me tell you scary.

645
00:34:49,346 --> 00:34:51,288
Look here. Look at me.

646
00:34:51,330 --> 00:34:53,434
You want to look
like you've been rode hard...

647
00:34:53,505 --> 00:34:55,392
and put away wet
when you're my age?

648
00:34:55,457 --> 00:34:56,570
I'm a lifer here.

649
00:34:56,641 --> 00:34:57,950
Best thing
I got to look forward to...

650
00:34:57,986 --> 00:34:59,894
is to end up
in some decent raisin ranch...

651
00:34:59,969 --> 00:35:02,336
where they change me
twice a day.

652
00:35:05,729 --> 00:35:07,223
Honest to God, honey.

653
00:35:07,264 --> 00:35:10,231
If I had it to do over...

654
00:35:10,272 --> 00:35:12,476
I'd start walking
out of this town...

655
00:35:12,512 --> 00:35:14,715
the minute I could take
my first step.

656
00:35:14,751 --> 00:35:16,606
You know, practically...

657
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,988
the only thing I wouldn't do
different is have you.

658
00:35:22,655 --> 00:35:25,916
God, I hope that's you
and not your concussion talking.

659
00:35:25,983 --> 00:35:27,128
It's me.

660
00:35:27,199 --> 00:35:31,738
I just don't want this to be
the thing that you do over.

661
00:35:31,774 --> 00:35:35,003
Now, this pageant's
your ticket out of here...

662
00:35:35,037 --> 00:35:37,590
and I know you can win.

663
00:35:37,630 --> 00:35:39,702
Come here.

664
00:35:39,742 --> 00:35:41,748
Oh, I love you much.

665
00:35:41,790 --> 00:35:43,219
I love you much.

666
00:35:43,262 --> 00:35:45,018
And you're gonna win.

667
00:35:45,054 --> 00:35:46,776
She's gonna win.

668
00:35:46,813 --> 00:35:47,925
Isn't she gonna win, Loretta?

669
00:35:47,965 --> 00:35:49,143
You bet.

670
00:35:49,181 --> 00:35:50,163
You'll see.

671
00:35:50,205 --> 00:35:52,244
Hell no, she ain't quitting.

672
00:35:52,284 --> 00:35:53,659
No. Mom said if I did...

673
00:35:53,692 --> 00:35:55,547
she'd look up my dad
and marry him.

674
00:35:55,581 --> 00:35:58,166
So, has your mom
kept your dad's life a secret?

675
00:35:58,236 --> 00:35:59,763
No, she never hid the fact...

676
00:35:59,837 --> 00:36:02,291
that my dad
picked his career over us.

677
00:36:02,364 --> 00:36:03,739
What did she used to say?

678
00:36:03,772 --> 00:36:05,333
Once a carny, always a carny.

679
00:36:05,372 --> 00:36:07,793
Mom still cries
when she sees a tilt-a-whirl...

680
00:36:07,835 --> 00:36:09,842
or a fat lady in a tube top.

681
00:36:09,884 --> 00:36:11,770
The Atkins fire.

682
00:36:11,803 --> 00:36:14,520
Foul play? Shit, no.

683
00:36:14,555 --> 00:36:16,377
After some extensive
investigating...

684
00:36:16,411 --> 00:36:19,410
we determined that it must
have been bad wiring.

685
00:36:19,450 --> 00:36:21,174
Bad wiring?

686
00:36:21,210 --> 00:36:23,576
That's the biggest
crock of shit I ever heard.

687
00:36:24,890 --> 00:36:27,607
What, they have a sale
on dull needles at K-Mart?

688
00:36:27,641 --> 00:36:30,030
I just need one more do-over.

689
00:36:47,321 --> 00:36:51,346
Now, we need to remember the
three most important parts...

690
00:36:51,384 --> 00:36:54,165
to give a really good
interview...

691
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:55,858
Listen up, number one.

692
00:36:55,896 --> 00:36:57,684
Number one.

693
00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:00,086
American Teen Princesses...

694
00:37:00,119 --> 00:37:02,028
do not cross their legs
like streetwalkers.

695
00:37:02,072 --> 00:37:04,078
Excuse me,
"Miss Penthouse '98..."

696
00:37:04,151 --> 00:37:05,678
put your knees together.

697
00:37:05,751 --> 00:37:07,093
I could drive
a boat show in there.

698
00:37:07,127 --> 00:37:08,556
Ankles together.

699
00:37:08,631 --> 00:37:11,216
Hands resting
lightly on your laps.

700
00:37:11,254 --> 00:37:13,491
Good.
Sit up straight. Smile.

701
00:37:13,527 --> 00:37:15,435
All right, number two.

702
00:37:15,477 --> 00:37:18,511
The judges are just
as nervous as you are.

703
00:37:25,461 --> 00:37:26,803
So, are you about ready...

704
00:37:26,837 --> 00:37:29,772
to start the judging,
start the interview there?

705
00:37:33,012 --> 00:37:35,434
I guess I could answer that.

706
00:37:35,509 --> 00:37:36,883
Yeah, we're ready.

707
00:37:36,916 --> 00:37:40,048
So we should probably get
the young girls in here, then.

708
00:37:40,084 --> 00:37:42,953
You know,
to start the interviews.

709
00:37:44,468 --> 00:37:47,599
If you could be any tree
in the woods...

710
00:37:49,395 --> 00:37:51,152
what kind of tree would you be?

711
00:37:53,299 --> 00:37:54,379
Dogwood.

712
00:37:54,419 --> 00:37:55,696
Bonsai.

713
00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:57,007
Green?

714
00:37:57,043 --> 00:37:58,952
I can be any kind
of tree you want.

715
00:37:58,995 --> 00:38:00,620
Just give me a minute
to warm up.

716
00:38:06,387 --> 00:38:10,161
One with strong roots in
a community like Mount Rose...

717
00:38:10,226 --> 00:38:13,160
a solid Christian trunk...

718
00:38:13,233 --> 00:38:16,845
and long leafy branches
to provide shade...

719
00:38:16,882 --> 00:38:19,270
for handicapped kids
on a hot summer day.

720
00:38:19,313 --> 00:38:22,347
You guys know
the retard's pants are open?

721
00:38:23,728 --> 00:38:26,598
I don't want to see that.

722
00:38:27,953 --> 00:38:30,286
Who would you pick to be
the president, dead or alive?

723
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,004
Emperor Hirohito.

724
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:34,250
Brett Favre.

725
00:38:41,808 --> 00:38:45,484
My mother, 'cause she could
solve world hunger...

726
00:38:45,519 --> 00:38:48,388
with one of her blue-ribbon
rhubarb pies...

727
00:38:48,432 --> 00:38:51,530
create world peace
with one of her prayers...

728
00:38:51,566 --> 00:38:53,988
and still find time
to look beautiful...

729
00:38:54,031 --> 00:38:56,583
for my dad, Lester Leeman.

730
00:38:56,622 --> 00:38:58,051
Do you like to swim?

731
00:38:59,087 --> 00:39:01,028
Yeah, I love to swim.

732
00:39:01,069 --> 00:39:02,957
When I was in New York,
I met Greg Louganis...

733
00:39:02,989 --> 00:39:04,582
at one of my brother's shows.

734
00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:20,388
The tard's pants
are completely off.

735
00:39:24,204 --> 00:39:25,349
Close up shop.

736
00:39:27,755 --> 00:39:29,992
Are you Amber Atkins?

737
00:39:30,028 --> 00:39:32,099
Yes, yes, I am. Hello.

738
00:39:35,115 --> 00:39:37,416
Name and spell
all the United States...

739
00:39:37,450 --> 00:39:38,759
in alphabetical order.

740
00:39:40,811 --> 00:39:42,566
Seriously?

741
00:39:49,258 --> 00:39:51,593
Well...

742
00:39:51,626 --> 00:39:54,593
Alabama.

743
00:39:54,633 --> 00:39:57,284
A- I-a-b-a-m-a.

744
00:39:57,321 --> 00:39:58,663
Alaska.

745
00:39:58,697 --> 00:40:02,527
A- I-a-s-k-a.

746
00:40:04,584 --> 00:40:07,618
Arizona.

747
00:40:07,656 --> 00:40:10,820
A- r-i-z-o-n-a.

748
00:40:10,856 --> 00:40:12,449
West Virginia.

749
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:16,382
W- e-s-t V-i-r-g-i-n-i-a.

750
00:40:16,456 --> 00:40:18,691
Wisconsin.

751
00:40:18,727 --> 00:40:22,273
W- i-s-c-o-n-s-i-n.

752
00:40:22,311 --> 00:40:23,391
Wyoming.

753
00:40:23,431 --> 00:40:26,278
W- y-o-m-i-n-g.

754
00:40:30,119 --> 00:40:32,672
Well, OK.

755
00:40:36,774 --> 00:40:39,457
With two weeks until
the pageant...

756
00:40:39,493 --> 00:40:46,683
I was practicing my talent,
finishing my costume...

757
00:40:46,757 --> 00:40:49,539
brushing up on current events...

758
00:40:49,574 --> 00:40:55,519
and running eighteen miles a day
on about four hundred calories.

759
00:40:55,556 --> 00:40:57,563
I was ready.

760
00:41:09,252 --> 00:41:10,974
Girls, couple of things.

761
00:41:11,011 --> 00:41:12,440
All right, very important.

762
00:41:12,483 --> 00:41:15,832
Gladys wants us to all go
in show order today.

763
00:41:15,875 --> 00:41:18,809
All right, so very important,
don't forget that.

764
00:41:21,091 --> 00:41:23,578
Oh, yeah, really nervous.

765
00:41:24,579 --> 00:41:26,434
It's been about two months.

766
00:41:27,394 --> 00:41:30,143
I haven't told my boyfriend yet.

767
00:41:30,178 --> 00:41:31,640
How did you know?

768
00:41:31,682 --> 00:41:34,463
I meant nervous
about the pageant.

769
00:41:34,498 --> 00:41:37,814
Oh, nervous about the pageant.

770
00:41:38,849 --> 00:41:40,856
There are eight thousand
sequins...

771
00:41:40,897 --> 00:41:43,711
and fifteen hundred beads
on the skirt alone.

772
00:41:43,744 --> 00:41:46,265
My mom had Mrs. Lopez make it.

773
00:41:46,305 --> 00:41:49,338
She's one of my father's
many Mexican workers.

774
00:41:49,408 --> 00:41:52,725
He lifts them from the poverty
they know in Mexico.

775
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,614
Yeah, all my mom's clothes
melted onto mine.

776
00:41:55,648 --> 00:41:59,259
Forming, like, this big
polyester meteor in our closet.

777
00:41:59,296 --> 00:42:01,849
But in some kind
of weird miracle...

778
00:42:01,887 --> 00:42:03,294
our neighbor boy Kenny Hansen...

779
00:42:03,328 --> 00:42:05,466
found my tap costume
on the roof of their trailer...

780
00:42:05,503 --> 00:42:07,892
while he was setting
coon traps for his dad.

781
00:42:07,936 --> 00:42:09,112
Here's the weird part.

782
00:42:09,151 --> 00:42:11,518
It was still on the hanger.

783
00:42:12,511 --> 00:42:14,615
This is my lucky bolt.

784
00:42:14,654 --> 00:42:17,208
They think that it fell
from a DC-10.

785
00:42:17,246 --> 00:42:20,693
The doctor said I was really
lucky the flat side hit me.

786
00:42:20,766 --> 00:42:23,483
'Cause otherwise it could have
gone right through my head.

787
00:42:23,518 --> 00:42:26,616
I know, I know.
Gives me the willies, too.

788
00:42:28,317 --> 00:42:31,546
Can we switch numbers?

789
00:42:31,581 --> 00:42:37,843
My cousin just had a deaf baby,
and I get to go see it.

790
00:42:37,885 --> 00:42:39,227
I need to go first.

791
00:42:39,261 --> 00:42:42,228
Yeah, sure.
It's my lucky number anyway.

792
00:42:42,268 --> 00:42:45,116
Diane Sawyer has number eight
at her local.

793
00:42:46,076 --> 00:42:48,116
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

794
00:42:49,596 --> 00:42:54,581
I can see what's mine now

795
00:42:55,676 --> 00:43:00,793
Finding out what's true

796
00:43:01,786 --> 00:43:07,285
Since I found you

797
00:43:07,322 --> 00:43:11,794
Looking through the eyes

798
00:43:11,833 --> 00:43:14,038
Of...

799
00:43:14,074 --> 00:43:15,667
I'm gonna be honest.

800
00:43:15,705 --> 00:43:17,745
This is a hard time for me...

801
00:43:17,785 --> 00:43:20,884
because this is the time
in the pageant...

802
00:43:20,921 --> 00:43:23,190
when you realize
that tomorrow night...

803
00:43:23,224 --> 00:43:26,192
all but one of these girls
is gonna walk away a loser.

804
00:43:26,265 --> 00:43:27,508
To be

805
00:43:27,576 --> 00:43:28,470
It's just really hard...

806
00:43:28,536 --> 00:43:31,286
for me to know
what that would feel like.

807
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,043
It can't feel good.

808
00:43:34,968 --> 00:43:37,041
Oh, my God, oh, my God.

809
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:38,508
Don't touch her.

810
00:43:40,567 --> 00:43:42,673
Don't move the body.
Don't touch the body.

811
00:43:42,712 --> 00:43:44,140
She could be paralyzed
from the neck down...

812
00:43:44,183 --> 00:43:45,361
and you wouldn't know it.

813
00:43:45,399 --> 00:43:46,894
Someone call nine-one-one.

814
00:43:46,935 --> 00:43:48,909
Don't say anything...

815
00:43:48,950 --> 00:43:51,471
'cause it might be
a hypnotic suggestion.

816
00:43:52,663 --> 00:43:54,418
Don't you get it?

817
00:43:54,454 --> 00:43:55,534
I was supposed to go first.

818
00:43:55,574 --> 00:43:57,876
I was contestant number one.

819
00:43:57,942 --> 00:44:00,592
That light was meant
for my head.

820
00:44:00,661 --> 00:44:03,509
If Jenelle hadn't
wanted to go first...

821
00:44:04,501 --> 00:44:06,923
I owe my life
to that deaf baby.

822
00:44:09,908 --> 00:44:11,469
Hey, that was your mom.

823
00:44:11,509 --> 00:44:13,419
She wanted you to have this.

824
00:44:16,436 --> 00:44:17,931
Really, Loretta?

825
00:44:17,973 --> 00:44:19,118
You bet.

826
00:44:21,460 --> 00:44:23,468
My mom wanted me to have this?

827
00:44:25,235 --> 00:44:26,250
Oh, shut up.

828
00:44:26,291 --> 00:44:28,201
I thought it might help you
get some sleep.

829
00:44:28,244 --> 00:44:30,480
Loretta, never have kids.

830
00:44:32,115 --> 00:44:35,018
Well, God love you
for thinking I still could.

831
00:44:35,092 --> 00:44:36,978
Your ma did want you
to have this, though...

832
00:44:37,042 --> 00:44:38,417
since your other one
got toasted.

833
00:44:38,451 --> 00:44:40,840
It's just like Diane Sawyer's!

834
00:44:41,875 --> 00:44:43,336
Of course, it's not a size ten.

835
00:44:43,379 --> 00:44:44,786
Diane was a little hippy then.

836
00:44:44,818 --> 00:44:46,312
- Not our girl.
- Oh, no.

837
00:44:57,457 --> 00:44:58,831
Pain meds.

838
00:44:58,865 --> 00:45:00,621
Hope this thing ends
before they do.

839
00:45:03,537 --> 00:45:05,195
We have excitement.

840
00:45:05,265 --> 00:45:06,607
Big excitement.

841
00:45:06,642 --> 00:45:07,786
Go, Molly!

842
00:45:07,824 --> 00:45:09,483
Go.

843
00:45:09,521 --> 00:45:11,790
Leslie Miller
kicks Teen Princess ass!

844
00:45:11,825 --> 00:45:13,799
Whoo! Go, Muskies!

845
00:45:30,031 --> 00:45:31,144
Oh, gotta go.

846
00:45:42,511 --> 00:45:44,931
Thank you, thank you.

847
00:45:44,974 --> 00:45:46,381
Oh, my.

848
00:45:46,413 --> 00:45:49,260
Is that for me or my gown?

849
00:45:53,741 --> 00:45:57,450
Welcome to the Mount Rose
American Teen Princess Pageant.

850
00:45:57,485 --> 00:45:59,873
While every contestant...

851
00:45:59,916 --> 00:46:02,437
you'll meet here tonight
is special and unique...

852
00:46:02,476 --> 00:46:05,345
they all have
one thing in common.

853
00:46:05,420 --> 00:46:10,275
They are all proud
to be an American.

854
00:46:48,777 --> 00:46:50,751
I chose Mount Rushmore...

855
00:46:50,793 --> 00:46:52,515
because to live in a country...

856
00:46:52,552 --> 00:46:54,275
where you can take
an ugly old mountain...

857
00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:57,182
and put faces on it,
faces of great Americans...

858
00:46:57,225 --> 00:47:00,093
who did so much to make
our country super great...

859
00:47:00,136 --> 00:47:02,982
well, that makes me,
Rebecca Leeman...

860
00:47:03,015 --> 00:47:04,957
proud to be an American.

861
00:47:04,999 --> 00:47:09,407
I'm Lisa Swenson, and I am proud
to be an American...

862
00:47:09,479 --> 00:47:11,301
because living in a country
where Lady Liberty...

863
00:47:11,335 --> 00:47:14,116
always keeps her flame
burning bright...

864
00:47:15,526 --> 00:47:19,387
She always keeps her flame
burning bright.

865
00:47:19,430 --> 00:47:21,732
It makes me proud
to be an American.

866
00:47:21,766 --> 00:47:22,846
God.

867
00:47:22,886 --> 00:47:24,708
The Washington Monument...

868
00:47:24,741 --> 00:47:27,327
Oh, yeah, baby!

869
00:47:27,366 --> 00:47:28,314
Makes me...

870
00:47:28,357 --> 00:47:31,423
Leslie Miller,
proud to be an American.

871
00:47:33,157 --> 00:47:36,004
Living in a country
where no matter who you are...

872
00:47:36,036 --> 00:47:38,906
or where you come from,
you can grow up...

873
00:47:38,949 --> 00:47:42,527
and become what you've always
dreamed of makes me...

874
00:47:42,597 --> 00:47:45,563
Amber Atkins,
proud to be an American.

875
00:47:45,635 --> 00:47:49,018
Atomic power makes me,
Molly Howard...

876
00:47:49,092 --> 00:47:51,393
proud to be an Asian-American.

877
00:47:51,428 --> 00:47:54,941
My uncle Phil's world's-largest
ball of twine...

878
00:47:54,980 --> 00:47:56,834
in Bundy, Minnesota...

879
00:47:56,867 --> 00:48:00,064
it makes me proud I'm American.

880
00:48:00,099 --> 00:48:03,394
I kind of misunderstood
the assignment.

881
00:48:07,682 --> 00:48:10,912
A couple of notes from
yesterday's dress rehearsal.

882
00:48:10,946 --> 00:48:12,255
Gladys says a couple of youse...

883
00:48:12,290 --> 00:48:13,500
are getting sexy
with your hips...

884
00:48:13,570 --> 00:48:15,643
during the physical
fitness routine.

885
00:48:15,714 --> 00:48:18,080
Oh, my God,
my tap costume's gone.

886
00:48:18,114 --> 00:48:21,376
Amber, we are not putting on
our talent costume.

887
00:48:21,409 --> 00:48:23,612
You need to put on
your physical fitness outfit.

888
00:48:23,649 --> 00:48:25,559
Let's shake a leg, ladies!

889
00:48:25,601 --> 00:48:27,967
It was here
before the opening number.

890
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,095
Wait.

891
00:48:31,137 --> 00:48:33,373
What am I saying?

892
00:48:33,408 --> 00:48:36,125
I should just ask you, Becky.

893
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:37,817
Where is it?

894
00:48:37,856 --> 00:48:39,001
What?

895
00:48:39,039 --> 00:48:41,429
You heard me. Where is it?

896
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:45,469
If you're getting at something,
you'd better just say it.

897
00:48:45,536 --> 00:48:47,543
I just did.

898
00:48:47,616 --> 00:48:49,339
Well, then you'd better be
willing to back it up...

899
00:48:49,375 --> 00:48:50,749
because you're talking crazy.

900
00:48:50,783 --> 00:48:53,400
You bring me on some
of that snotty attitude.

901
00:48:53,438 --> 00:48:54,518
Bring it on!

902
00:48:54,558 --> 00:48:56,249
Well, as my mother says
at Sunday dinner...

903
00:48:56,287 --> 00:48:57,334
come and get it!

904
00:48:57,375 --> 00:48:58,716
I'll get it!

905
00:48:58,750 --> 00:48:59,830
I might even take seconds!

906
00:48:59,870 --> 00:49:02,521
If you want seconds,
I'll make sure you get them!

907
00:49:02,558 --> 00:49:03,899
Give me your stringy ass!

908
00:49:06,366 --> 00:49:08,254
I think that you guys
should leave.

909
00:49:08,286 --> 00:49:09,976
The girls are changing.
I think you should leave.

910
00:49:10,013 --> 00:49:11,420
All right, let's go.

911
00:49:11,453 --> 00:49:13,821
- I hate her!
- We all do. Let's go.

912
00:49:13,853 --> 00:49:15,762
Let's give a big round
of applause...

913
00:49:15,805 --> 00:49:18,194
for last year's
American Teen Princess...

914
00:49:18,269 --> 00:49:20,407
in her farewell performance.

915
00:49:20,476 --> 00:49:22,364
Who could ever forget
her lip-synching...

916
00:49:22,396 --> 00:49:25,811
to "Don't Cry Out Loud"
by Melissa Manchester?

917
00:49:25,852 --> 00:49:27,510
And here she is...

918
00:49:27,548 --> 00:49:29,206
Mary Johanson.

919
00:49:38,011 --> 00:49:43,226
Don't cry out loud

920
00:49:43,259 --> 00:49:45,778
Just keep it inside

921
00:49:45,818 --> 00:49:50,227
And learn how to hide
your feelings

922
00:49:50,299 --> 00:49:55,601
Fly high and proud

923
00:49:55,675 --> 00:49:58,641
And if you should fall

924
00:49:58,681 --> 00:50:01,103
Remember you almost

925
00:50:01,146 --> 00:50:05,815
Had it all

926
00:50:08,376 --> 00:50:10,482
All right, why don't we pick up
the stepladders...

927
00:50:10,521 --> 00:50:11,601
for the physical fitness number?

928
00:50:11,641 --> 00:50:12,720
There we go.

929
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,102
They're wet.

930
00:50:14,136 --> 00:50:15,216
What?

931
00:50:15,256 --> 00:50:16,686
My hands are stuck.

932
00:50:17,688 --> 00:50:19,281
I'm kind of dizzy
from the fumes.

933
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:20,498
You know what, girls?

934
00:50:20,568 --> 00:50:22,956
Keep them away from you so
they don't get on the outfits.

935
00:50:23,031 --> 00:50:24,079
There we go.

936
00:50:24,151 --> 00:50:25,974
Let's form a line.

937
00:50:28,151 --> 00:50:29,777
What kind of a mental retard...

938
00:50:29,815 --> 00:50:31,638
paints stepladders
right before a pageant?

939
00:50:31,671 --> 00:50:33,459
I'm the judge!

940
00:50:34,582 --> 00:50:37,714
Back, you cuddly retard.

941
00:50:37,751 --> 00:50:39,027
Go, Hank!

942
00:50:39,062 --> 00:50:41,429
It's OK.

943
00:50:41,462 --> 00:50:42,542
My dress is fine.

944
00:50:43,637 --> 00:50:46,452
All right, so...

945
00:50:46,486 --> 00:50:48,525
our other judges are...

946
00:50:48,565 --> 00:50:50,060
Jean Kangas...

947
00:50:50,101 --> 00:50:51,443
and John Dough...

948
00:50:51,477 --> 00:50:54,259
Opening number looked good...

949
00:50:54,325 --> 00:50:57,621
solid, but now you're going
to have to actually dance.

950
00:50:57,685 --> 00:51:00,980
So, here, put a dab of this
on the old choppers, ladies.

951
00:51:01,045 --> 00:51:02,671
It'll help you smile...

952
00:51:02,709 --> 00:51:04,618
and when they're looking
at your teeth, God willing...

953
00:51:04,660 --> 00:51:06,449
they won't be looking
at your feet.

954
00:52:23,917 --> 00:52:25,860
Hurry up.

955
00:52:25,902 --> 00:52:27,244
OK, I think we all got some.

956
00:52:27,278 --> 00:52:28,838
Just take it off.

957
00:52:28,910 --> 00:52:31,212
Here, I didn't...

958
00:52:31,245 --> 00:52:33,611
I think it went really well.

959
00:52:33,645 --> 00:52:35,205
Don't go in the bathroom.

960
00:52:35,277 --> 00:52:37,100
Tess blew chunks all over.

961
00:52:37,133 --> 00:52:39,718
She ate a really large dinner.

962
00:52:39,757 --> 00:52:41,895
Maybe she should've
shoved that lucky bolt...

963
00:52:41,933 --> 00:52:43,362
down her throat for dessert.

964
00:52:44,492 --> 00:52:47,394
And the winner
of the spirit award goes to...

965
00:52:47,468 --> 00:52:50,816
I'd like to take you back
seventeen years...

966
00:52:50,860 --> 00:52:54,122
when a peanut farmer
was in the White House...

967
00:52:54,156 --> 00:52:56,327
a group of boys
calling themselves Queen...

968
00:52:56,363 --> 00:52:58,054
topped the record charts...

969
00:52:58,092 --> 00:53:00,000
and Gladys Leeman
was Gladys Wood...

970
00:53:01,098 --> 00:53:04,547
and she was Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

971
00:53:11,434 --> 00:53:13,769
Thank you very much.

972
00:53:13,802 --> 00:53:18,079
You know, seventeen years ago,
I won the talent contest...

973
00:53:18,122 --> 00:53:19,267
by sewing...

974
00:53:20,234 --> 00:53:21,444
these culottes...

975
00:53:21,481 --> 00:53:23,423
Butterick pattern
seven-four-three-two.

976
00:53:23,466 --> 00:53:25,288
And can you believe it?

977
00:53:25,322 --> 00:53:26,433
They still fit.

978
00:53:26,472 --> 00:53:29,222
She had a big ass then,
she's got a big ass now.

979
00:53:29,257 --> 00:53:31,623
Our next contestant is ready,
so let's welcome her...

980
00:53:31,657 --> 00:53:33,031
Tess Weinhaus.

981
00:53:38,056 --> 00:53:39,714
Yeah, it's just gone.

982
00:53:41,895 --> 00:53:42,975
I mean...

983
00:53:43,016 --> 00:53:46,016
I just wanna tap, you know?

984
00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:50,496
I'm not saying I'm the best
or that I'd even win, but...

985
00:53:50,535 --> 00:53:52,574
shouldn't I at least
get a chance to compete?

986
00:53:52,615 --> 00:53:56,260
The beagle is known
for its howl.

987
00:54:00,103 --> 00:54:02,623
I just wanted my mom
to see me dance.

988
00:54:02,663 --> 00:54:05,280
Amber, Amber, come here.

989
00:54:05,350 --> 00:54:07,871
Please. I got so much Vaseline
on my teeth...

990
00:54:07,942 --> 00:54:09,883
I'm going to be smiling
for a year.

991
00:54:09,958 --> 00:54:11,452
No. Here.

992
00:54:11,525 --> 00:54:12,736
It's nothing special...

993
00:54:12,774 --> 00:54:15,643
but talent like yours doesn't
need to hide behind sequins.

994
00:54:15,685 --> 00:54:17,059
Oh, Miss K.

995
00:54:17,093 --> 00:54:18,370
Oh, look.

996
00:54:18,405 --> 00:54:23,555
But none can compare
to the greatest bark of all...

997
00:54:23,589 --> 00:54:25,760
the German shepherd.

998
00:54:28,197 --> 00:54:31,612
Aw, hell, go out there
and kick some Leeman ass.

999
00:54:32,804 --> 00:54:34,974
Not so hard, sweetie.
I heard something snap.

1000
00:54:35,012 --> 00:54:36,800
Roll him over!

1001
00:54:36,868 --> 00:54:37,795
Lay him flat!

1002
00:54:38,788 --> 00:54:40,445
Pin his shoulders!

1003
00:54:40,515 --> 00:54:41,977
To the mat!

1004
00:54:42,979 --> 00:54:44,474
Roll him over! Lay him flat!

1005
00:54:44,547 --> 00:54:46,434
Pin their shoulders
to the mat!

1006
00:54:46,498 --> 00:54:47,993
Go...

1007
00:54:48,035 --> 00:54:49,344
Muskies! Yeah!

1008
00:54:59,042 --> 00:54:59,991
Fade in.

1009
00:55:01,217 --> 00:55:04,414
The year... 2024.

1010
00:55:05,953 --> 00:55:07,611
Planet... Earth.

1011
00:55:08,769 --> 00:55:10,656
The question
on everyone's mind?

1012
00:55:11,904 --> 00:55:13,431
What is...

1013
00:55:13,505 --> 00:55:14,999
Soylent Green?

1014
00:55:19,808 --> 00:55:22,295
Mrs. Clark, why are you
doing this to me?

1015
00:55:22,336 --> 00:55:24,223
Why are you pretending
you don't know what's going on?

1016
00:55:24,256 --> 00:55:26,198
Amber, I'm sorry. I really am.

1017
00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:27,646
But you know the rules.

1018
00:55:27,679 --> 00:55:29,534
All talent costumes
have to be OK'd...

1019
00:55:29,568 --> 00:55:30,877
by Gladys before the pageant.

1020
00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:32,405
But doesn't someone
taking your costume...

1021
00:55:32,447 --> 00:55:34,814
so you can't compete
overrule that rule?

1022
00:55:34,847 --> 00:55:36,822
Amber, I'm sorry.
I don't make up the rules.

1023
00:55:36,863 --> 00:55:38,324
Oh, this...

1024
00:55:38,367 --> 00:55:39,894
this is bullshit!

1025
00:55:39,935 --> 00:55:42,968
Amber Atkins, that is not
American Teen Princess language.

1026
00:55:43,038 --> 00:55:45,885
Good, because this isn't an
American Teen Princess Pageant.

1027
00:55:45,918 --> 00:55:47,827
This is... this is...

1028
00:55:47,901 --> 00:55:49,789
this is Nazi Germany!

1029
00:55:53,405 --> 00:55:55,063
Where do they get this stuff?

1030
00:56:02,877 --> 00:56:04,850
I'm wearing this tap costume.

1031
00:56:04,893 --> 00:56:07,162
I'm going to do
my talent tonight.

1032
00:56:07,197 --> 00:56:08,374
Oh, really?

1033
00:56:08,413 --> 00:56:09,841
I don't think so.

1034
00:56:13,181 --> 00:56:15,351
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news...

1035
00:56:15,419 --> 00:56:17,972
but you know the rules state
that a costume has to be OK'd...

1036
00:56:18,043 --> 00:56:19,952
at least a week in advance.

1037
00:56:20,027 --> 00:56:23,410
I couldn't let you go out there
in that skimpy little thing.

1038
00:56:23,451 --> 00:56:24,944
We've got kids in the audience.

1039
00:56:24,987 --> 00:56:26,929
I hope you understand.

1040
00:56:26,971 --> 00:56:28,465
But you... I mean...

1041
00:56:28,507 --> 00:56:30,961
It's not my fault. Please.

1042
00:56:31,002 --> 00:56:33,010
I didn't do anything wrong.

1043
00:56:33,050 --> 00:56:35,438
I know the truth, that's why.

1044
00:56:35,482 --> 00:56:36,758
I must say...

1045
00:56:36,794 --> 00:56:38,866
Soylent Green...

1046
00:56:38,906 --> 00:56:40,880
is people!

1047
00:56:44,442 --> 00:56:46,263
Now, that's my cue.

1048
00:57:24,758 --> 00:57:27,409
I just wanted to compete.

1049
00:57:29,142 --> 00:57:32,338
I can't believe
this is happening.

1050
00:57:32,374 --> 00:57:34,795
I can't believe she said...

1051
00:57:42,997 --> 00:57:44,076
Here.

1052
00:57:44,117 --> 00:57:45,546
Here? What?

1053
00:57:45,588 --> 00:57:47,082
My jacket.

1054
00:57:47,125 --> 00:57:49,426
Take it, because I got
my costume OK'd a month ago...

1055
00:57:49,492 --> 00:57:51,019
before the pageant.
You can wear it.

1056
00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:52,500
Put it on.

1057
00:57:52,564 --> 00:57:53,611
Oh, wow.

1058
00:57:53,684 --> 00:57:55,309
Lisa, I don't think
you should do this.

1059
00:57:55,347 --> 00:57:57,038
They're never going to let you
perform naked. I asked.

1060
00:57:57,076 --> 00:57:59,147
Shut up, you guys.

1061
00:57:59,187 --> 00:58:01,838
Listen, Amber...

1062
00:58:01,875 --> 00:58:04,558
I'm not going to win.

1063
00:58:04,594 --> 00:58:07,050
And let's be honest, the family
only needs one Liza...

1064
00:58:07,091 --> 00:58:09,774
and Peter's got
much better legs than me, OK?

1065
00:58:09,810 --> 00:58:11,119
Your parents will kill you.

1066
00:58:11,154 --> 00:58:13,740
Ah, come on.
I love them...

1067
00:58:13,779 --> 00:58:17,226
but they only had me because
Peter needed that kidney.

1068
00:58:22,673 --> 00:58:23,753
Thank you.

1069
00:58:27,153 --> 00:58:28,233
Now...

1070
00:58:28,274 --> 00:58:29,768
it is with overwhelming pride...

1071
00:58:29,842 --> 00:58:32,296
that I introduce to you
contestant number six...

1072
00:58:32,336 --> 00:58:35,086
who is also the president of her
class two years running...

1073
00:58:35,121 --> 00:58:37,542
an honor roll student,
and the new president...

1074
00:58:37,584 --> 00:58:39,723
of the Lutheran Sisterhood
Gun Club.

1075
00:58:39,760 --> 00:58:40,938
Ladies and gentlemen...

1076
00:58:40,976 --> 00:58:43,180
Rebecca Ann Leeman!

1077
00:58:50,671 --> 00:58:52,132
You know what?

1078
00:58:52,175 --> 00:58:53,604
The rumors are true.

1079
00:58:54,671 --> 00:58:57,987
I do have a special fella
in my life...

1080
00:58:59,054 --> 00:59:01,389
and if nobody minds...

1081
00:59:01,422 --> 00:59:05,000
I'd like to sing a little song
just for him.

1082
00:59:07,822 --> 00:59:11,597
You're just too good

1083
00:59:11,630 --> 00:59:12,741
To be true

1084
00:59:13,933 --> 00:59:16,421
Can't take my eyes

1085
00:59:16,462 --> 00:59:17,477
Off of you

1086
00:59:17,518 --> 00:59:18,597
Bullshit.

1087
00:59:18,637 --> 00:59:20,972
You'd be like heaven

1088
00:59:21,005 --> 00:59:22,947
To touch

1089
00:59:22,990 --> 00:59:24,647
I wanna hold you

1090
00:59:24,716 --> 00:59:26,472
So much

1091
00:59:27,533 --> 00:59:29,026
At long last

1092
00:59:29,100 --> 00:59:32,167
Love has arrived

1093
00:59:32,204 --> 00:59:34,592
And I thank God

1094
00:59:34,667 --> 00:59:35,780
I'm alive

1095
00:59:37,228 --> 00:59:39,496
You're just too good

1096
00:59:39,531 --> 00:59:41,441
To be true

1097
00:59:41,484 --> 00:59:44,070
Can't take my eyes

1098
00:59:44,107 --> 00:59:45,514
Off of you

1099
00:59:46,603 --> 00:59:49,025
I love you, baby

1100
00:59:49,067 --> 00:59:50,659
And if it's quite all right

1101
00:59:50,698 --> 00:59:52,673
I need you, baby

1102
00:59:52,714 --> 00:59:54,819
To warm the lonely night

1103
00:59:54,858 --> 00:59:57,379
I love you, baby

1104
00:59:57,451 --> 00:59:59,393
Trust in me when I say

1105
00:59:59,467 --> 01:00:01,888
Lisa, come on, you're next.

1106
01:00:01,961 --> 01:00:03,456
Nah, I quit.

1107
01:00:03,530 --> 01:00:06,114
And since my costume was OK'd
a month ago...

1108
01:00:06,153 --> 01:00:07,265
I'm giving it to Amber.

1109
01:00:10,792 --> 01:00:13,181
Let me love you, baby

1110
01:00:13,225 --> 01:00:16,039
Let me love you

1111
01:00:30,632 --> 01:00:32,966
Oh, boy,
I'd hate to follow that act.

1112
01:00:32,999 --> 01:00:35,585
The voice of an angel, that one.

1113
01:00:41,127 --> 01:00:44,160
I have just been notified
that contestant number seven...

1114
01:00:44,198 --> 01:00:47,046
Lisa Swenson has dropped out
of the pageant.

1115
01:00:49,446 --> 01:00:51,551
I know,
but these things happen...

1116
01:00:51,590 --> 01:00:54,885
and we still have one more
contestant... number eight.

1117
01:00:54,917 --> 01:00:56,095
Amber Atkins.

1118
01:02:27,038 --> 01:02:28,926
Thank you.

1119
01:02:42,238 --> 01:02:43,164
Well...

1120
01:02:44,540 --> 01:02:46,428
The time has finally come...

1121
01:02:48,028 --> 01:02:51,062
where we say good-bye
to the judges...

1122
01:02:51,100 --> 01:02:54,962
so that they can go off and make
the toughest decision...

1123
01:02:55,004 --> 01:02:56,149
of their lives.

1124
01:03:02,140 --> 01:03:03,482
So, who gets the crown?

1125
01:03:03,516 --> 01:03:04,660
How are you going
to figure this all out?

1126
01:03:04,699 --> 01:03:07,154
Well, you know, we'll...

1127
01:03:07,195 --> 01:03:09,715
compare scores
and figure out a winner...

1128
01:03:09,787 --> 01:03:12,089
because, I mean, we don't know
who the winner is yet.

1129
01:03:12,122 --> 01:03:14,969
I mean, I have no idea
who Jean picked...

1130
01:03:15,002 --> 01:03:16,496
or Harold.

1131
01:03:16,570 --> 01:03:17,977
- No.
- No idea.

1132
01:03:19,705 --> 01:03:22,040
I know who the winner is.

1133
01:03:22,074 --> 01:03:23,765
I know who the winner...
Harold.

1134
01:03:23,802 --> 01:03:25,459
I know who the winner is.

1135
01:03:25,498 --> 01:03:26,840
That's it.

1136
01:03:26,873 --> 01:03:30,702
You shut your goddamn mouth,
you goddamn retard!

1137
01:03:30,745 --> 01:03:33,615
I've had your shit
for two weeks now!

1138
01:03:33,657 --> 01:03:34,639
Come on.

1139
01:03:36,216 --> 01:03:38,485
Back off, college boy!
Now listen!

1140
01:03:40,121 --> 01:03:42,967
Hank can't help it if he's born
crazier than a shit-house rat!

1141
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:46,578
For fuck's sake, why didn't you
leave him with a sitter?

1142
01:03:51,287 --> 01:03:52,531
Nice, John.

1143
01:03:52,567 --> 01:03:53,745
That's real nice.

1144
01:03:53,784 --> 01:03:56,500
You know the baby-sitter's dead.

1145
01:04:01,047 --> 01:04:02,421
So...

1146
01:04:02,454 --> 01:04:04,309
Anyone talk to Jenelle lately?

1147
01:04:04,343 --> 01:04:06,928
Oh, yeah. I brought her
some flowers this morning.

1148
01:04:06,966 --> 01:04:09,268
Yeah. She's in the room
next to my mom.

1149
01:04:09,303 --> 01:04:11,343
Oh, she's super happy.

1150
01:04:11,382 --> 01:04:12,559
She's happy?

1151
01:04:12,630 --> 01:04:14,769
Oh, the blow to her head
made her deaf.

1152
01:04:14,838 --> 01:04:15,950
Oh, God.

1153
01:04:16,022 --> 01:04:17,964
- Isn't that great?
- Oh, that's great.

1154
01:04:18,037 --> 01:04:19,826
She's so happy.

1155
01:04:21,333 --> 01:04:23,088
Jesus Christ!

1156
01:04:23,125 --> 01:04:25,940
What are they doing, letting
the retard count the votes?

1157
01:04:26,901 --> 01:04:28,656
Ladies, it's time.

1158
01:04:47,219 --> 01:04:49,520
Welcome back, everybody...

1159
01:04:49,555 --> 01:04:50,602
and judges.

1160
01:04:50,675 --> 01:04:52,617
Oh, gosh.

1161
01:04:52,691 --> 01:04:55,440
We are so darn close
to that moment...

1162
01:04:55,475 --> 01:04:57,963
we have all been waiting for.

1163
01:04:58,003 --> 01:05:00,719
And now, our second runner-up...

1164
01:05:00,754 --> 01:05:02,958
and winner
of a fifty-dollar scholarship...

1165
01:05:02,994 --> 01:05:06,223
for the vo-tech
of her choice is...

1166
01:05:08,529 --> 01:05:09,642
Leslie Miller.

1167
01:05:14,578 --> 01:05:16,071
You rule, Leslie!

1168
01:05:28,592 --> 01:05:30,348
Envelope, please.

1169
01:05:33,647 --> 01:05:36,581
Our next prize, a seventy-five-
dollar scholarship...

1170
01:05:36,623 --> 01:05:39,525
will be awarded
to the first runner-up.

1171
01:05:39,567 --> 01:05:41,574
The first runner-up is...

1172
01:05:45,743 --> 01:05:47,466
Amber Atkins.

1173
01:06:12,812 --> 01:06:16,260
And now, finally the moment...

1174
01:06:16,300 --> 01:06:18,209
that I know
I've been waiting for.

1175
01:06:18,251 --> 01:06:20,488
With a scholarship
of five hundred dollars...

1176
01:06:20,556 --> 01:06:23,851
courtesy Leeman Furniture,
and an all-expense-paid trip...

1177
01:06:23,883 --> 01:06:26,950
next weekend, when she will be
competing for the title...

1178
01:06:26,987 --> 01:06:28,329
of Sarah Rose Cosmetics...

1179
01:06:28,364 --> 01:06:31,178
Minnesota
American Teen Princess...

1180
01:06:37,386 --> 01:06:38,946
Our new...

1181
01:06:38,986 --> 01:06:42,499
Mount Rose
American Teen Princess is...

1182
01:06:43,978 --> 01:06:45,636
contestant number...

1183
01:06:46,602 --> 01:06:48,260
You know what?
It's my daughter...

1184
01:06:48,298 --> 01:06:50,687
Rebecca Ann Leeman!

1185
01:07:03,464 --> 01:07:05,438
Oh, thank you so much.

1186
01:07:07,912 --> 01:07:09,734
Bitch.

1187
01:07:27,110 --> 01:07:29,183
Here she is

1188
01:07:29,255 --> 01:07:30,629
Our Mount Rose

1189
01:07:30,663 --> 01:07:33,029
American Teen Princess

1190
01:07:33,094 --> 01:07:35,101
Look at her

1191
01:07:35,142 --> 01:07:37,213
Doesn't she look fine?

1192
01:07:37,254 --> 01:07:40,385
Our heart swells big

1193
01:07:40,422 --> 01:07:42,723
As we look at her

1194
01:07:42,757 --> 01:07:43,902
Our Mount Rose

1195
01:07:43,941 --> 01:07:48,413
American Teen Princess

1196
01:07:48,453 --> 01:07:49,980
One, two, three.

1197
01:07:50,981 --> 01:07:52,868
- You got her there?
- Yeah, I got her.

1198
01:07:52,900 --> 01:07:55,235
We was robbed. We was robbed.

1199
01:07:55,268 --> 01:07:57,505
It's OK. They're just
giving her a ride back.

1200
01:07:57,572 --> 01:08:00,059
She almost blew out of Loretta's
pickup on the way over.

1201
01:08:00,132 --> 01:08:01,539
Thank God for bungee cords.

1202
01:08:02,756 --> 01:08:04,698
I got second runner-up.

1203
01:08:04,771 --> 01:08:06,081
I got second place.

1204
01:08:06,115 --> 01:08:07,839
- Third.
- Huh?

1205
01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:09,500
- Third.
- Bye.

1206
01:08:15,491 --> 01:08:18,719
Are you disappointed
about not winning?

1207
01:08:18,754 --> 01:08:21,242
Yeah, well, no.

1208
01:08:21,282 --> 01:08:26,268
At least I got to compete,
and my mom got to see me dance.

1209
01:08:26,306 --> 01:08:28,695
I guess number eight
only worked for Diane Sawyer.

1210
01:08:28,770 --> 01:08:30,144
Oh, stop.

1211
01:08:30,177 --> 01:08:31,225
Let's go home.

1212
01:08:31,297 --> 01:08:32,727
I'll let you drive.

1213
01:08:34,625 --> 01:08:35,803
I hope it was worth it.

1214
01:08:35,841 --> 01:08:37,751
No, Dad, it was worth it.

1215
01:08:37,825 --> 01:08:39,102
Amber should've won.

1216
01:08:39,137 --> 01:08:40,249
I tell you one thing...

1217
01:08:40,288 --> 01:08:41,750
Peter never would've pulled
a shenanigan like that.

1218
01:08:41,792 --> 01:08:43,964
Well, you know what, Dad?

1219
01:08:44,000 --> 01:08:45,909
You know what? Peter's gay.

1220
01:08:47,264 --> 01:08:48,377
Gay!

1221
01:08:49,953 --> 01:08:51,064
What?

1222
01:08:52,576 --> 01:08:53,689
So, Becky, how does it feel?

1223
01:08:53,728 --> 01:08:55,157
Oh, well...

1224
01:08:55,200 --> 01:08:57,818
I mean,
it's all happening so fast.

1225
01:08:57,855 --> 01:08:59,863
I'm so excited.

1226
01:08:59,904 --> 01:09:02,521
I mean, I won.

1227
01:09:02,590 --> 01:09:06,201
I'm the winner,
and I'm going to state.

1228
01:09:06,238 --> 01:09:09,304
She's the winner,
and we're going to state.

1229
01:09:09,343 --> 01:09:10,587
What a surprise.

1230
01:09:10,622 --> 01:09:12,280
Gladys Leeman's finally
going to go to state...

1231
01:09:12,318 --> 01:09:13,725
and she'll probably
ride on Becky's ass...

1232
01:09:13,758 --> 01:09:15,318
all the way to nationals, too.

1233
01:09:15,358 --> 01:09:17,267
Wonder how she's going
to fix that one.

1234
01:09:17,309 --> 01:09:19,513
Are you ladies going
to the parade?

1235
01:09:19,550 --> 01:09:22,299
Nah. I think I'm, like,
due or something.

1236
01:09:41,116 --> 01:09:44,149
Beautiful as a whore's ass
today, huh, boys?

1237
01:09:46,491 --> 01:09:48,727
Do you need help
with the cooler?

1238
01:10:08,282 --> 01:10:11,151
See, Gladys had me get that
special-made from Mexico...

1239
01:10:11,225 --> 01:10:12,371
in case Becky won.

1240
01:10:12,409 --> 01:10:14,263
You know, I do a lot
of business down there...

1241
01:10:14,297 --> 01:10:16,206
always offer
to pay them off in tacos.

1242
01:10:17,529 --> 01:10:19,023
Oh, they love that.

1243
01:10:19,065 --> 01:10:20,308
Keep on moving through.

1244
01:10:23,321 --> 01:10:24,847
Let's get this straight
right now.

1245
01:10:24,887 --> 01:10:26,481
We wouldn't have been
late at all if not for you.

1246
01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:29,455
I want to have the big bag
of little doughnuts.

1247
01:10:29,496 --> 01:10:30,575
You get nothing, Hank.

1248
01:10:30,615 --> 01:10:32,820
I want to eat a big bag
of little doughnuts.

1249
01:10:32,856 --> 01:10:34,798
There's your paint can.

1250
01:10:34,840 --> 01:10:36,301
The next time you drink
window cleaner...

1251
01:10:36,343 --> 01:10:38,482
I'm just going to
leave it in you.

1252
01:10:42,967 --> 01:10:44,276
My pants are...

1253
01:10:59,894 --> 01:11:01,617
You rule!

1254
01:11:15,764 --> 01:11:16,779
Rebecca Ann Leeman.

1255
01:11:16,821 --> 01:11:19,439
You are the one
that wanted this.

1256
01:11:19,476 --> 01:11:20,621
Now get up there.

1257
01:11:20,660 --> 01:11:23,627
I don't care if you have to ride
this thing sidesaddle.

1258
01:11:23,667 --> 01:11:24,747
Get up there.

1259
01:11:24,788 --> 01:11:27,210
It smells funny... like gasoline.

1260
01:11:27,252 --> 01:11:29,804
Everything smells
like that in Mexico.

1261
01:11:29,843 --> 01:11:31,567
My dress will reek, Mother.

1262
01:11:31,603 --> 01:11:32,913
You listen to me now, missy.

1263
01:11:32,947 --> 01:11:34,572
This thing cost your dad
a pretty penny...

1264
01:11:34,610 --> 01:11:36,137
so you get your ass up there.

1265
01:11:36,178 --> 01:11:38,861
And show me some teeth.

1266
01:11:38,899 --> 01:11:40,873
Love you, baby.

1267
01:11:51,122 --> 01:11:52,813
You rule!

1268
01:11:54,929 --> 01:11:56,009
Stop it!

1269
01:11:56,049 --> 01:11:58,602
You are a bad kid!

1270
01:12:14,992 --> 01:12:16,453
You rule!

1271
01:12:20,303 --> 01:12:22,310
If I die from these fumes...

1272
01:12:22,351 --> 01:12:24,261
you'll make sure and cover up
the hickeys on my neck?

1273
01:12:26,670 --> 01:12:29,321
And the bite marks on my ears.

1274
01:12:29,359 --> 01:12:30,787
Yeah, sure.

1275
01:12:30,830 --> 01:12:34,573
And I know it won't show,
but on my inner thighs...

1276
01:12:34,606 --> 01:12:35,981
Yes, Leslie, OK.

1277
01:12:36,013 --> 01:12:37,540
Help!

1278
01:12:47,693 --> 01:12:49,416
OK, I designed the float.

1279
01:12:49,453 --> 01:12:55,748
And what's going to happen here
is that this is going to look...

1280
01:12:55,789 --> 01:12:59,301
like a glistening lake
beneath the swan.

1281
01:13:00,428 --> 01:13:01,738
We need more bars.

1282
01:13:01,772 --> 01:13:02,982
This is... What?

1283
01:13:03,020 --> 01:13:04,165
Enid ate a whole pan.

1284
01:13:04,203 --> 01:13:05,513
She can't do anything
by herself.

1285
01:13:06,924 --> 01:13:09,062
This is exactly
how I pictured it...

1286
01:13:09,099 --> 01:13:10,855
Choking on swan gas.

1287
01:13:13,067 --> 01:13:15,009
Oh, great.

1288
01:13:23,019 --> 01:13:24,425
Oh, my God.

1289
01:13:27,434 --> 01:13:29,572
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

1290
01:13:29,609 --> 01:13:30,689
Oh, my God.

1291
01:13:30,729 --> 01:13:32,191
Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

1292
01:13:45,896 --> 01:13:48,264
Oh, my baby!

1293
01:13:48,329 --> 01:13:50,019
Oh, my God!

1294
01:13:50,088 --> 01:13:52,641
The swan ate my baby!

1295
01:13:54,024 --> 01:13:57,918
Becky, baby, get up!

1296
01:13:57,959 --> 01:14:00,195
We got to go to state!

1297
01:14:02,055 --> 01:14:04,510
Gladys, let her go.

1298
01:14:04,552 --> 01:14:05,663
No. She's not getting up.

1299
01:14:05,703 --> 01:14:08,191
We got to...
Get off of me, you cow!

1300
01:14:11,398 --> 01:14:14,148
What are you looking at, huh?

1301
01:14:14,182 --> 01:14:16,767
A whole goddamned town
full of losers...

1302
01:14:16,806 --> 01:14:18,333
that's what I'm looking at!

1303
01:14:20,486 --> 01:14:21,565
And you...

1304
01:14:23,109 --> 01:14:24,865
You piece of shit trailer trash!

1305
01:14:24,902 --> 01:14:27,552
That should've been you
in there!

1306
01:14:27,589 --> 01:14:29,793
Damn it, I should've killed you
when I had a chance...

1307
01:14:29,829 --> 01:14:31,770
just like your little friend!

1308
01:14:31,812 --> 01:14:36,123
Tammy was one crispy critter
up on that thresher!

1309
01:14:36,165 --> 01:14:38,685
Ding! Fries are up!

1310
01:14:39,780 --> 01:14:41,187
Stop it! Stop it!

1311
01:14:47,811 --> 01:14:48,891
Take it easy.

1312
01:14:48,931 --> 01:14:50,655
Let go of me!

1313
01:14:50,691 --> 01:14:52,033
Oh, my God, it's "Cops."

1314
01:14:52,100 --> 01:14:53,528
He sells reproductions!

1315
01:14:53,603 --> 01:14:56,451
His furniture's as fake
as my orgasms.

1316
01:14:56,483 --> 01:14:57,889
Hey, how you doing?

1317
01:14:57,922 --> 01:14:59,329
Hey. What's up, Scott?

1318
01:14:59,363 --> 01:15:00,923
You remember Bruce, right?

1319
01:15:00,962 --> 01:15:03,329
Bruce, that's Roy.
Roy, Bruce.

1320
01:15:04,802 --> 01:15:08,314
And that's why, dear Lord,
it's with such great sorrow...

1321
01:15:08,354 --> 01:15:10,874
we turn over to you
this young woman...

1322
01:15:10,914 --> 01:15:13,118
whose dream of riding
on a giant swan...

1323
01:15:13,154 --> 01:15:15,292
has brought about
her untimely death.

1324
01:15:15,329 --> 01:15:20,632
Maybe it's your way
of telling us to buy American.

1325
01:15:21,633 --> 01:15:22,843
That's right.

1326
01:15:24,544 --> 01:15:26,366
As acting president...

1327
01:15:26,401 --> 01:15:28,506
of the Mount Rose
Civil Servettes...

1328
01:15:28,577 --> 01:15:30,137
it is my duty...

1329
01:15:30,208 --> 01:15:35,575
to make you Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

1330
01:15:37,664 --> 01:15:39,552
Turn around for the picture.

1331
01:15:39,584 --> 01:15:40,532
You look good.

1332
01:15:44,384 --> 01:15:46,106
What is wrong with you?

1333
01:15:46,143 --> 01:15:47,223
I don't know.

1334
01:15:47,263 --> 01:15:48,757
I didn't wanna win like this.

1335
01:15:48,799 --> 01:15:50,586
You stop right there.

1336
01:15:50,622 --> 01:15:52,029
You are a good person.

1337
01:15:52,063 --> 01:15:54,430
Good things happen
to good people.

1338
01:15:54,462 --> 01:15:55,542
Really?

1339
01:15:55,582 --> 01:15:57,971
No, it's pure bullshit, sweetie.

1340
01:15:58,014 --> 01:16:00,665
You're lucky as hell,
so you might as well enjoy it.

1341
01:16:00,734 --> 01:16:02,294
Let's get you a root-beer float.

1342
01:16:02,366 --> 01:16:04,438
You guys want some shots?
I'm buying.

1343
01:16:05,406 --> 01:16:08,722
I never liked her,
but she didn't deserve...

1344
01:16:08,765 --> 01:16:11,132
to die in the belly
of a swan like that.

1345
01:16:11,166 --> 01:16:15,802
The whole thing's just kinda
sad and lame at the same time.

1346
01:16:16,924 --> 01:16:18,812
This came for you, sweetie.

1347
01:16:18,845 --> 01:16:20,405
Hi, guys.

1348
01:16:20,445 --> 01:16:22,167
It's from the state!

1349
01:16:22,204 --> 01:16:23,633
Yeah. Open it up.

1350
01:16:24,604 --> 01:16:26,971
It's all the stuff I get to do.

1351
01:16:27,963 --> 01:16:29,240
OK, let's see.

1352
01:16:30,427 --> 01:16:33,722
We get a personal consultation
with a makeup artist.

1353
01:16:34,875 --> 01:16:37,721
Oh, there'll be
a choreographer to the stars.

1354
01:16:37,754 --> 01:16:39,161
- Choreographer.
- The stars.

1355
01:16:40,155 --> 01:16:41,562
Oh, my God.

1356
01:16:41,595 --> 01:16:43,317
No way. Oh, my God.

1357
01:16:43,354 --> 01:16:45,721
For Christ's sakes,
spit it out, Amber.

1358
01:16:45,754 --> 01:16:48,601
We'll be staying overnight at...

1359
01:16:48,634 --> 01:16:50,357
the Airport Howard Johnson!

1360
01:16:50,394 --> 01:16:51,801
Right by the airport!

1361
01:16:51,834 --> 01:16:52,914
Oh, Amber!

1362
01:16:52,954 --> 01:16:54,840
God, that's so great!

1363
01:16:56,313 --> 01:16:58,680
Oh, crap. I only got
four weeks to practice.

1364
01:16:58,712 --> 01:17:00,119
Let's go, let's go!
Right now!

1365
01:17:00,153 --> 01:17:01,233
I'm gonna call your mom.

1366
01:17:30,902 --> 01:17:32,942
All right, say, "airport hotel."

1367
01:17:33,014 --> 01:17:33,942
Airport hotel!

1368
01:17:33,974 --> 01:17:35,861
Coffee and doughnuts.

1369
01:17:39,575 --> 01:17:41,461
Yeah, why don't you
take a picture?

1370
01:17:41,494 --> 01:17:42,421
It lasts longer.

1371
01:17:42,454 --> 01:17:43,469
Loretta, don't do that.

1372
01:17:43,510 --> 01:17:44,819
All right. I'm sorry.
They're just staring.

1373
01:17:44,854 --> 01:17:46,260
I gotta work with these girls.

1374
01:17:46,293 --> 01:17:47,406
OK, I'm sorry.

1375
01:18:13,075 --> 01:18:14,482
And you are...

1376
01:18:14,515 --> 01:18:16,882
Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

1377
01:18:16,916 --> 01:18:18,824
Funny, you don't look dead.

1378
01:18:22,515 --> 01:18:24,402
- OK, ladies!
- Girls, come on.

1379
01:18:24,434 --> 01:18:26,955
Ladies, listen up.
I'm Colleen Douglas.

1380
01:18:26,994 --> 01:18:30,158
And this raven beauty
on my right is Terry Macy.

1381
01:18:30,194 --> 01:18:31,307
Hi there.

1382
01:18:31,346 --> 01:18:33,833
And we're your Minnesota
American Teen Princess...

1383
01:18:33,873 --> 01:18:35,084
state board.

1384
01:18:35,121 --> 01:18:36,398
That's right.

1385
01:18:36,433 --> 01:18:39,116
We're also the cofounders of
the Minnesota Modeling Academy.

1386
01:18:39,185 --> 01:18:40,909
Yep. And you can get
your applications...

1387
01:18:40,945 --> 01:18:42,352
over here at the tiki bar...

1388
01:18:42,385 --> 01:18:44,271
and we will wave the
fifty-dollar application fee...

1389
01:18:44,304 --> 01:18:46,671
if you list a friend
and put down her address.

1390
01:18:47,985 --> 01:18:49,228
So...

1391
01:18:49,264 --> 01:18:50,376
you're cute.

1392
01:18:51,344 --> 01:18:52,653
Oh, I see you're married.

1393
01:18:52,688 --> 01:18:55,949
If you catch this in your mouth,
I'll give you a present.

1394
01:18:55,983 --> 01:18:57,772
All right? Open wide.

1395
01:18:58,736 --> 01:19:00,459
Oh, God, you got that
on the first try.

1396
01:19:00,495 --> 01:19:02,383
Come here.

1397
01:19:02,415 --> 01:19:04,172
Oh, you are cute.

1398
01:19:04,207 --> 01:19:05,733
OK, due to budgetary
cutbacks...

1399
01:19:05,774 --> 01:19:07,181
And the fact...

1400
01:19:07,215 --> 01:19:09,103
that the national didn't
cough up a goddamn nickel...

1401
01:19:09,167 --> 01:19:10,889
You won't be staying overnight.

1402
01:19:10,959 --> 01:19:12,453
So everybody pay attention.

1403
01:19:12,527 --> 01:19:15,144
You've got about eight hours
till showtime.

1404
01:19:15,182 --> 01:19:16,840
Remember to count, ladies.

1405
01:19:16,878 --> 01:19:19,693
Cross on the left
and arms up on eight.

1406
01:19:19,726 --> 01:19:21,667
On the beat, on the beat,
on the beat!

1407
01:19:21,710 --> 01:19:24,099
Keep on. Keep moving it.

1408
01:19:24,142 --> 01:19:25,549
Come on, Miss Forest Lake...

1409
01:19:25,582 --> 01:19:27,304
take that stick out of your ass
or I will!

1410
01:19:27,342 --> 01:19:28,935
All right. Very nice.

1411
01:19:28,973 --> 01:19:30,118
Now come on.

1412
01:19:30,158 --> 01:19:31,651
Mom's out here in the front row.

1413
01:19:31,692 --> 01:19:32,772
Come on. Sell it!

1414
01:19:32,813 --> 01:19:34,601
That's very nice.

1415
01:19:34,637 --> 01:19:35,881
Remember, figure eights, ladies.

1416
01:19:35,917 --> 01:19:42,081
I can sum up our entire
philosophy with this glass.

1417
01:19:42,155 --> 01:19:44,163
I can look at it and see...

1418
01:19:44,236 --> 01:19:45,763
it's half full.

1419
01:19:45,837 --> 01:19:48,389
Which in the beauty pageant biz
means...

1420
01:19:48,427 --> 01:19:49,954
"Where the hell is my waiter?!"

1421
01:19:49,996 --> 01:19:52,035
- Marco!
- Polo!

1422
01:19:52,075 --> 01:19:55,109
Stop with the friggin' Marco
Polo, or I'll come over there...

1423
01:19:55,147 --> 01:19:56,641
and rip your
fat little heads off!

1424
01:20:05,546 --> 01:20:08,098
Miss Burnsville,
you're up next.

1425
01:20:13,418 --> 01:20:15,785
I have a little
secret weapon of my own.

1426
01:20:16,778 --> 01:20:17,858
Don't tell anyone.

1427
01:20:30,152 --> 01:20:32,039
Oh, I don't eat shellfish.

1428
01:20:32,072 --> 01:20:33,698
Ma always says,
"Don't eat anything...

1429
01:20:33,736 --> 01:20:35,142
"that can carry its house
around with it.

1430
01:20:35,176 --> 01:20:37,085
"Who knows the last time
it's been cleaned?"

1431
01:20:37,128 --> 01:20:39,015
I've done
about thirty-five pageants.

1432
01:20:40,040 --> 01:20:41,698
I guess my most memorable one...

1433
01:20:41,735 --> 01:20:44,103
would have to be
Miss Teen America 1995...

1434
01:20:44,168 --> 01:20:45,574
'cause it was in Vegas.

1435
01:20:46,567 --> 01:20:48,127
And my roommate did Adam West.

1436
01:20:48,199 --> 01:20:51,330
She said he was so horny.

1437
01:21:03,174 --> 01:21:04,352
Oh, my God.

1438
01:21:21,028 --> 01:21:23,329
I should just go home now.

1439
01:21:24,388 --> 01:21:25,795
OK, real good.

1440
01:21:25,828 --> 01:21:27,234
One suggestion, sweetie.

1441
01:21:27,268 --> 01:21:29,788
Why don't you hike up your skirt
a little bit then, OK?

1442
01:21:30,788 --> 01:21:31,899
Next!

1443
01:21:33,987 --> 01:21:35,875
Oh, my God.

1444
01:21:35,908 --> 01:21:37,314
I gotta go!

1445
01:21:37,346 --> 01:21:39,713
You better do something
about those nerves, sweetie.

1446
01:21:39,747 --> 01:21:41,154
Thirty million people
aren't gonna wait for you...

1447
01:21:41,187 --> 01:21:42,593
while you run to the john.

1448
01:21:42,626 --> 01:21:44,033
That's true.

1449
01:21:46,146 --> 01:21:48,415
Will somebody
get a mop and a bucket?

1450
01:21:48,482 --> 01:21:51,450
Today, a beauty pageant
turned ugly.

1451
01:21:54,433 --> 01:21:55,743
Did I win?

1452
01:21:55,778 --> 01:21:57,371
Honey, if I was a good lover...

1453
01:21:57,410 --> 01:21:59,351
Oh, for crap sake.

1454
01:21:59,393 --> 01:22:00,800
A salmonella dysentery
outbreak...

1455
01:22:00,833 --> 01:22:03,385
now traced to improperly
refrigerated shellfish...

1456
01:22:03,424 --> 01:22:05,880
was believed to be the cause.

1457
01:22:11,489 --> 01:22:14,074
Oh, my God.
Do you think they heard us?

1458
01:22:14,112 --> 01:22:17,528
Oh, for Christ's sake!
Call an ambulance!

1459
01:22:17,568 --> 01:22:18,648
An ambulance?

1460
01:22:18,688 --> 01:22:20,411
Call a priest,
for Christ's sake!

1461
01:22:21,759 --> 01:22:23,767
Joining us now
is David Richardson...

1462
01:22:23,840 --> 01:22:27,134
a member of a documentary crew
filming the pageant.

1463
01:22:27,200 --> 01:22:29,719
He was there
when tragedy struck.

1464
01:22:30,879 --> 01:22:33,879
Fuckin' beauty queens
blowin' chunks everywhere.

1465
01:22:33,919 --> 01:22:37,563
I've never seen anything
like it before, and...

1466
01:22:37,599 --> 01:22:38,843
I live in L.A.

1467
01:22:38,878 --> 01:22:40,154
Oh, hey, Ed.

1468
01:22:41,118 --> 01:22:42,525
That's our sound guy.

1469
01:22:42,558 --> 01:22:44,446
Could you tell us anything
about the controversy?

1470
01:22:44,478 --> 01:22:45,885
Is there a controversy here?

1471
01:22:45,917 --> 01:22:47,226
Has there been sabotage?

1472
01:22:47,262 --> 01:22:48,156
Wait a minute.

1473
01:22:48,189 --> 01:22:50,077
While we haven't
ruled out sabotage...

1474
01:22:50,110 --> 01:22:51,702
from neighboring
state pageants...

1475
01:22:51,741 --> 01:22:53,334
Iowa, Wisconsin, South Dakota.

1476
01:22:53,405 --> 01:22:54,616
Yeah, that's right.

1477
01:22:54,686 --> 01:22:56,572
Ohio.

1478
01:22:56,605 --> 01:22:57,532
That bitch from Wisconsin.

1479
01:22:57,565 --> 01:22:58,514
All right then.

1480
01:22:58,588 --> 01:23:00,661
The important thing
is we have a winner!

1481
01:23:00,701 --> 01:23:01,813
- Yes, we do.
- OK.

1482
01:23:01,852 --> 01:23:04,024
The Minnesota Modeling Academy
is proud to present...

1483
01:23:04,060 --> 01:23:05,784
Along with Sarah Rose
Cosmetics...

1484
01:23:05,820 --> 01:23:06,899
Amber Atkins...

1485
01:23:08,444 --> 01:23:11,226
The new Minnesota
American Teen Princess!

1486
01:23:11,261 --> 01:23:12,372
That's Amber Atkins.

1487
01:23:12,411 --> 01:23:14,299
That's right.
From Mount Rose.

1488
01:23:14,332 --> 01:23:17,113
Amber, how do you feel?

1489
01:23:17,147 --> 01:23:18,554
Well, I...

1490
01:23:18,586 --> 01:23:20,823
I feel like I need
to take a shower.

1491
01:23:21,946 --> 01:23:23,702
Honey, is this the best day
of your life?

1492
01:23:23,739 --> 01:23:26,609
Yeah. I wish
my mom was here, though.

1493
01:23:26,651 --> 01:23:28,057
Wave hi to her.

1494
01:23:28,090 --> 01:23:29,497
Hi, Mom.

1495
01:23:29,562 --> 01:23:30,969
Hey, you hear that?

1496
01:23:31,003 --> 01:23:32,410
Hi, monkey.

1497
01:23:32,441 --> 01:23:34,165
I got some.

1498
01:23:36,121 --> 01:23:38,488
Uh-huh. No, no. Gosh, no.

1499
01:23:38,521 --> 01:23:40,693
You know, I still don't
want to be on camera.

1500
01:23:40,729 --> 01:23:42,932
I just wanna say...

1501
01:23:42,969 --> 01:23:45,205
that little bitch
better watch her back...

1502
01:23:45,241 --> 01:23:46,801
at the nationals...

1503
01:23:46,841 --> 01:23:49,207
'cause I am making friends
on the inside.

1504
01:23:49,241 --> 01:23:51,281
Yeah. Darn good friends.

1505
01:23:51,321 --> 01:23:53,361
Friends who have friends
on the outside.

1506
01:23:53,400 --> 01:23:55,472
Get your sweet ass
off the phone, Cinnamon.

1507
01:23:55,512 --> 01:23:56,625
Gotta go.

1508
01:23:57,881 --> 01:23:58,807
Oh, yeah.

1509
01:23:58,840 --> 01:24:00,247
I just can't believe it.

1510
01:24:00,279 --> 01:24:02,035
I'm Minnesota's
American Teen Princess.

1511
01:24:02,072 --> 01:24:03,959
Our baby's going to nationals.

1512
01:24:03,991 --> 01:24:05,846
Lincoln, Alabama, look out!

1513
01:24:07,351 --> 01:24:09,489
I'm gonna be on TV
just like Diane Sawyer.

1514
01:24:13,591 --> 01:24:14,997
Annette, just use your hand.

1515
01:24:15,030 --> 01:24:16,557
They told me to practice.

1516
01:24:29,302 --> 01:24:30,730
I did it.

1517
01:24:30,805 --> 01:24:32,267
OK. Ready?

1518
01:24:32,341 --> 01:24:35,189
Here's the signal I'm gonna give
Mom when I'm on TV.

1519
01:24:36,981 --> 01:24:39,315
My little Carol Burnett.

1520
01:24:39,349 --> 01:24:40,755
Here she is...

1521
01:24:40,788 --> 01:24:42,959
Minnesota's
American Teen Princess...

1522
01:24:42,997 --> 01:24:44,404
and soon to be...

1523
01:24:44,436 --> 01:24:47,785
the next America's
American Teen Princess...

1524
01:24:47,828 --> 01:24:49,584
our little Amber.

1525
01:25:10,802 --> 01:25:13,005
So after Frank
dusts the crops...

1526
01:25:13,042 --> 01:25:15,889
he's taking her
to Lincoln, Alabama.

1527
01:27:33,543 --> 01:27:34,884
Come on out...

1528
01:27:34,919 --> 01:27:38,301
you little blond piece
of trailer-park trash!

1529
01:27:43,494 --> 01:27:46,461
We're here in the sixth hour
of a shootout between...

1530
01:27:52,454 --> 01:27:53,861
This is Amber Atkins...

1531
01:27:53,893 --> 01:27:57,056
reporting live from
the Food Shack for KRLH News.

1532
01:27:57,093 --> 01:27:58,981
One of our reporters
has just been shot.

1533
01:27:59,013 --> 01:28:01,882
Paramedics are working on her
right now...

1534
01:28:05,093 --> 01:28:06,619
I'm Peter Atchison.

1535
01:28:06,660 --> 01:28:08,067
And I'm Amber Atkins.

1536
01:28:08,100 --> 01:28:10,173
For WAZB News, good night.