1 00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:37,453 NICK: I get to work before the sun comes up and I leave long after it's gone down. 2 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:41,999 I haven't had sex in six months with someone other than myself. 3 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:44,918 And the only thing in my refrigerator is an old lime. 4 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,795 Could be a kiwi. No way to tell. 5 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:50,090 - Morning, Thomas. - Good morning, Nick. You better hurry. 6 00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:51,800 NICK: But here's the thing: 7 00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:53,594 This is just temporary. 8 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,804 [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS AND NICK SIGHS] 9 00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:57,014 Quick story: 10 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,933 My grandmother came to this country with $20 in her pocket. 11 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:03,187 She worked hard her whole life and never took shit from anyone. 12 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:08,650 When she died, she had turned that $20 into $2000. 13 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,652 That sucks. 14 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,654 You know why she didn't succeed? 15 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,491 Because she didn't take shit from anyone. 16 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:16,742 The key to success... 17 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,787 They will not teach you this in business school... Is taking shit. 18 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:20,996 [PHONE RINGS] 19 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:24,374 That's what I've been doing the last eight years, and it's all about to pay off. 20 00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:25,584 This is Nick. 21 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:29,671 I'm this close to getting a big promotion with my own office. 22 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:31,381 I'll be right there, Mr. Harken. 23 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:34,843 Then all the endless hours, and the sacrifice and the shit-eating... 24 00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:36,303 ...will have been worth it. 25 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,263 HARKEN: See, this is what concerns me, Nick. 26 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:42,184 You're a punctual guy. You know the importance of being here right at 6 a.m. 27 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:45,187 Which is what leads me to think that... 28 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:48,440 ...there must be something wrong with the clock on our system. 29 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,942 May have been a minute late. 30 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,612 But according to this, you were two minutes late. So either you're a liar... 31 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:58,492 ...or this system is off by a full minute. 32 00:01:58,660 --> 00:01:59,868 NICK: The only hitch? 33 00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,287 I work for this guy, David Harken... 34 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:06,792 ...who right now is giving me some fresh shit for being two minutes late. 35 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,128 He's a total fucking asshole. 36 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:13,549 If that's the case, I'm gonna have to fire Thomas, our longtime security coordinator. 37 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,968 - I may have been two minutes late. - Oh. 38 00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:17,761 Well, then you were lying. 39 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,055 No. I... Who you calling? 40 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,849 - Thomas. I gotta let him go. - No, uh... 41 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:23,308 - I was lying. Sorry. - Lying? 42 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:27,396 I didn't mean to. It was more of a saying. "Might have been a minute late." 43 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:32,151 Literally, uh, truthfully, was two minutes late. 44 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:37,030 Boy, I have to get used to driving with this big, heavy ring on my finger. 45 00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:39,575 - Come on. - I keep swerving to the left, babe. 46 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:43,078 DALE: When I was a kid, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. 47 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,830 I always gave the same answer. 48 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,081 I love you so much. 49 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:47,749 I love you too. 50 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,251 DALE: I wanted to be a husband. 51 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,670 - I will call you when I'm done. - Have a good day. 52 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,088 DALE: I know that sounds weird. 53 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,466 Most boys wanna be firehouse chiefs or personal trainers... 54 00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:59,928 ...but to me being a husband was, like, the highest calling. 55 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,221 And thanks to Stacy... 56 00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,265 ...that dream's about to come true. 57 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:07,936 Unfortunately, no one's gonna pay you to be a husband unless you marry Oprah. 58 00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,897 So I had to find a job. 59 00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,274 Now, I always admired dentists. 60 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:15,402 They're smart, they're capable, they keep your teeth healthy. 61 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:18,155 So I went out and I became one. 62 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:21,491 - How are you today, Dale? - I'm fine. Thanks. 63 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:22,868 Excavator. 64 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,538 DALE: Okay, I became a dental assistant. It's basically the same thing. 65 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,916 I just make a lot less money. 66 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,126 Did you ever see that show Gossip Girl? 67 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,170 - No. - Ooh. 68 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,297 I watched an episode last night. 69 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:39,593 I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgley guy, I broke a nail. 70 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,804 DALE: And it would have been the perfect job. If not for one... 71 00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:47,392 ...evil crazy bitch, D.D.S. 72 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:50,687 I bet you're no shrimp in the cock department, huh, there, Dale? 73 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,147 - Okay, Julia. Come on. - What? 74 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:55,317 - I'm uncomfortable talking about that. - Oh, Dale, come on. 75 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:56,944 You know that I like to fool around. 76 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,612 DALE: Oops. - Mr. Anderton. 77 00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,323 Not in the office. This is bad. 78 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,326 - Bad, bad, bad! - You probably shouldn't hit the patients. 79 00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:07,663 Ah, I love this. So festive. 80 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:08,997 KURT: I love my job. 81 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:13,001 If you ask me, anyone who hates their job has no one to blame but themself. 82 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,629 We make our own destinies, and I've made a sweet one. 83 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,173 We have stairs. You don't need to bring your own. 84 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:22,219 I'm an account manager at a chemical company. I'll tell you, the job has its perks. 85 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,428 Hi, can I help you? 86 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,931 He's just signing for these packages. Thank you. 87 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,266 Oh, no. I should do this. 88 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:28,892 Reggie, I got this. Thank you, buddy. 89 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,520 - This is high-priority stuff here. - Thank you. 90 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,313 - So, what's going on here? - I'm sorry? 91 00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,941 - Is this one of those hidden camera shows? - What do you mean? 92 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,277 You're way too cute to be just a FedEx girl. 93 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,029 You gotta be a model or actress or something, right? 94 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:44,366 What happens when I open these? Something'll jump out, bite my penis? 95 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,661 No. Nothing's gonna jump out. I'm just a FedEx girl. 96 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,246 - Shut up. - Ha, ha. 97 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,747 - Bye. - Have a great afternoon. 98 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:51,957 JAMIE: Thank you. 99 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,918 KURT: I didn't sign that form, by the way, so she has to come back. 100 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,128 She's cute, huh, Reg? 101 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,214 - Caught another fly in your web, did you? - Ha, ha. Hey, Jack. 102 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,050 KURT: But the real reason I'm here is this guy: 103 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,554 Jack Pellit, my boss. The sweetest man I know. 104 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,765 He loves me and I love him. Everybody loves him. 105 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:11,476 - You all right, Margie? - Hi, Mr. Pellit. Kurt. 106 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,729 I've been waiting to get in there for a while. 107 00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:16,315 - Who's in there? - It's your son. 108 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,066 Bobby! 109 00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:19,568 [BOBBY SNIFFING AND GRUNTING] 110 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,237 Margie's waiting. You nearly done in there? 111 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,992 A man can't get any privacy around here. 112 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,744 - Okay, Margie. Bobby? - What? 113 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:32,164 Your stomach okay? You seem to spend more time on the toilet... 114 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,415 ...than at your desk. 115 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:37,210 I didn't realize I had to tell you every time I wanna take a dump. 116 00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:40,505 KURT: If the worst thing about this job is having to tolerate my boss's... 117 00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:44,384 ...dipshit cokehead son, well, it's a small price to pay. 118 00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:46,178 Need me to tell you when I pee-pee? 119 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,681 I'm just trying to get you to do your part, son. It's not easy times. 120 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,184 I do my part. I do other people's parts. 121 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:56,271 But it doesn't matter to you. You just wanna ride my ass because I'm your son. 122 00:05:56,439 --> 00:06:00,275 You know what? I don't hear you giving dickskin any shit. 123 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,361 - "Dickskin"? Nice. - Kiss-ass. 124 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,446 - Come on, come on. BOBBY: Yeah, go on. In you go. 125 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,989 - Go on, gay boy. - I'm not gay. 126 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,784 Please, I've seen gay boys. You're one of them. 127 00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:11,286 - Where'd you see them? - At your house. Get in! 128 00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,498 - I'm a green belt, motherfucker. - What? 129 00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,708 BOBBY: Yeah. All right? - Okay. 130 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:20,128 Now, I know you've been working your tail off for that promotion. 131 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,381 But I'm not sure I can even consider... 132 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:26,635 ...making you the Senior Vice President of Sales... 133 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,055 ...if I can't trust you. 134 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,308 - You can trust me. - Yeah, now you sound like my wife. 135 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,144 "Trust me. You can trust me, honey. 136 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,522 Nothing's happening behind your back. Trust me." 137 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:41,650 Meanwhile, she's fucking every guy in the neighborhood. 138 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,237 Oh, you want one? 139 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:46,988 It's 8:15 a.m. 140 00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:50,659 Well, is there something wrong with a man enjoying a drink in the morning? 141 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,452 No. 142 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,664 Thank you. Sure, thanks. 143 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,425 Bottoms up. 144 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,510 Nothing for you? 145 00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,971 Nick, it's 8:15 in the morning. I'm not an alcoholic. 146 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,180 [NICK CHUCKLES] 147 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,850 The only reason I took one, I thought you were gonna have one. 148 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:19,020 You took one because you thought I was? Is that something a Senior VP would do? 149 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,064 I was just trying to be polite. 150 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,900 So if I, uh, was gonna put my balls in honey and shaved coconut... 151 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,110 ...you'd do that too? 152 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,570 - I would not. - Sure? 153 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:29,114 - Yeah. - Because I've got some coconut. 154 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,869 I'm having my teeth whitened Tuesday. You have to get your work done by Monday... 155 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,371 ...which means you'll probably be here all weekend. 156 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,957 Look, if you want a promotion, you gotta earn it. 157 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,417 Now, what do I keep saying? 158 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,044 Life is a marathon, and you cannot win a marathon... 159 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:46,506 ...without putting a few Band-Aids on your nipples, right? 160 00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:48,216 Right. 161 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,469 Nick. 162 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,721 It's 18-year-old Scotch. 163 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:56,391 You don't really expect me to pour it back into the bottle, do you? 164 00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:11,781 [COUGHS] 165 00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:14,451 - Water. - Yep. 166 00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:18,121 All right. Let's see if this thing's working. Oh! 167 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:23,293 DALE: Oh, my God. - Oh! I'm sorry. I'm a squirter, Dale. 168 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:27,214 - Oh, you know what? - What? 169 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:31,593 Ah. I think I can make out our little friend right there. 170 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:32,761 DALE: Stop it. 171 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:33,970 [SPEAKS IN HEBREW] 172 00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:35,514 - Somebody's circumcised. - Okay. 173 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,265 [JULIA CHUCKLING] 174 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:38,517 - Listen. - What? 175 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:42,604 - Can we stop doing this thing here? - Why? Because you have a girlfriend? 176 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,607 She's not just my girlfriend any more. We're engaged now. 177 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,610 - What? - We're engaged. 178 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,864 You said that she was just a hole for your dick. 179 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,950 I never said that. 180 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,368 Not really my style. 181 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,661 [MOANING] 182 00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:58,912 Shut up. 183 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,288 [GAS HISSING] 184 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:01,790 That's a lot of gas. 185 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:05,043 - That's good. No, those are great ideas. - Yeah? 186 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,295 - Put them down on paper, will you? - Will do. 187 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,093 - You're happy here, aren't you? - Yeah, of course. 188 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:14,970 Good. 189 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,931 You got a bright future here, you know? 190 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,017 Someday soon, it'll be you running this place. 191 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,104 - See you, kid. - All right, now. 192 00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,107 - Drive safe. - Yeah. 193 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,151 [CRASH] 194 00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:31,611 [HORN HONKING] 195 00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:32,862 Oh, shit. 196 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,072 He had a heart attack. 197 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:39,160 They said his, uh, heart burst in his chest like a water balloon. 198 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:43,164 Oh, my God. I'm sorry, man. I know you guys were close. 199 00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,834 Yeah. Yeah, I loved that guy. 200 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:49,170 I loved working for him, you know? It was, like, awesome. 201 00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:52,007 Now his shitbag son's gonna be in charge and it's like... 202 00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,174 The cokehead? 203 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:56,011 Yeah. Know how many times I caught him doing blow at work? 204 00:09:56,178 --> 00:10:00,348 This thing's a real bummer. Sorry. You're the only one of us who didn't hate his job. 205 00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:04,853 Did I tell you that Harken tricked me into having a drink at 8:00 this morning? 206 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,688 I mean, I work for the Antichrist. 207 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,774 - How did he trick you? - I thought he was giving you a promotion. 208 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,360 He is, definitely. That's why he's being extra evil. 209 00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,863 This is his last chance to make my life miserable. 210 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,116 Right. At least your boss isn't sexually harassing you. 211 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,076 - God. Here we go. - Don't give me shit. 212 00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,870 You won't get sympathy for this. 213 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:25,540 She's going crazy. It's like a totally hostile work environment now, man. 214 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,125 - It's not funny. - Yeah? 215 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:31,379 All right, today she starts spraying water at my crotch to see the outline of my dick. 216 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:32,964 - That's great. - It’s not great. 217 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:36,134 What are you talking about? Why don't you just, you know, fuck her? 218 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:39,929 Because I am engaged to be married and I love my fiancée, okay? 219 00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:41,139 That's true. 220 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,724 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 221 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,352 What about getting a different dental hygienist job? 222 00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:46,603 I can't get another job. 223 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,689 - No, he's a child molester, Nick. - No, uh, deviant. Sexual deviant? 224 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:52,233 What is it? How do they classify it? Sex offender. 225 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,235 I'm on the registered sex offender list, yes. 226 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:55,403 [KURT CHUCKLES] 227 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:59,115 You can't get that expunged? All you did was pull your dick out on a playground. 228 00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,576 I was taking a piss at night, there were no kids. 229 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:06,039 All right, you know what? You don't put a playground right next to a bar. 230 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,749 - It's entrapment. KURT: Mm-hm. 231 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,084 [WOMAN CHUCKLES] 232 00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:12,754 Speaking of entrapment, I'm gonna go see that girl about her vagina. 233 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,547 Excuse me. 234 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:20,720 He did say 10:00, right? 235 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:24,849 - Yeah. Do you know what this is about? - It just said "staff meeting" on the memo. 236 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:29,521 It's funny how he gets all over my ass if I'm a minute late, but then he makes us wait 15. 237 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,398 - You were two minutes late. NICK: Morning. 238 00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,858 Didn't think I had to punch a clock with you. 239 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,277 I'll just attribute this to your drinking problem. 240 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:39,114 - I don't have... - Please, we're in the middle of a meeting. 241 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:42,450 Morning, everyone. So I have finally decided... 242 00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:48,790 ...who I want to be our new Senior Vice President of Sales. 243 00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:52,210 He's right here in this room. 244 00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:56,506 - It's me. - What'd he say? 245 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,968 HARKEN: I've decided to absorb the responsibilities... 246 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,804 ...of the Senior VP position into my own. 247 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:06,558 I've realized if you wanna get something done right, you gotta do it yourself. 248 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:10,895 I'll break through the wall of the office that would have been the Senior VP's... 249 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,189 ...and make one huge enormous office. 250 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:18,653 However, I will only be taking 85 percent of the additional salary I am entitled to... 251 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,698 ...and that is self-sacrifice, people. Learn from it. 252 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,324 Fucker! 253 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,326 [EMPLOYEES GASP AND SHRIEK] 254 00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:27,328 You fucking son of a bitch! 255 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,040 You are so fucking fired! 256 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,421 Yeah! 257 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,673 [CHEERING] 258 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,592 HARKEN: So, meeting adjourned. 259 00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:46,097 - Can I speak to you? - Sure, what is it? 260 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:49,184 For months you've been hinting I was in line for that promotion. 261 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:51,352 And look how hard you've been working. 262 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,396 - You were just lying to me? - Lying? 263 00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:57,066 No, Nick, motivating. 264 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,903 I mean, look, we're all part of the same team here. 265 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:03,323 Plus, you know, I'm the one who's gonna be doing all the extra work. 266 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,658 You know last month you made me work so late... 267 00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,495 ...l missed saying goodbye to my Gam Gam? 268 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:11,873 - Sorry, what? - My grandmother. 269 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,709 I told you I needed to see her because she was very sick. 270 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,711 You said if I left early, I'd get fired. 271 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,005 And she died before I made it to the hospital. 272 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,966 - I'm sorry. - Thank you. 273 00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:27,555 [LAUGHING] I had no idea that you called your grandmother "Gam Gam." 274 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:32,560 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 275 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,897 I'm sorry you didn't get to say bye-bye to Gam Gam. 276 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:39,442 Really, I really am. I'm sorry. 277 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:44,280 But I needed you to work late because you are an invaluable member of this operation. 278 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,491 And I need you in the position you're in. 279 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,577 Well, tough shit, okay? 280 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:54,958 Been in that position for eight years. Why would I stay after being treated like this? 281 00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:59,170 Well, because I'd make sure that nobody in the industry would ever hire you again. 282 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,463 Bullshit. 283 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:04,008 No, because they're gonna want my letter of recommendation, right? 284 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:09,764 So I'm perfectly willing to write that you are an insubordinate, dishonest drunk. 285 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,141 You can't do that. That's not true. 286 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:19,691 Let me tell you something, you stupid little runt. 287 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,442 I own you. 288 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,069 You're my bitch. 289 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:26,281 Don't walk around thinking you have free will because you don't. 290 00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,783 I can crush you any time I want. 291 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:34,122 So settle in because you are here for the long haul. 292 00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:51,806 Yo, dickwall. 293 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,893 - What the fuck? - What? 294 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:58,313 Three hours late. What's the deal? 295 00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:00,899 - I was at your father's funeral. - Uh-huh. Mm-hm. 296 00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:05,028 Maybe that excuse would have flown when my dad was here, but I'm in charge now. 297 00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,989 That excuse wouldn't make any sense if your dad was still here. 298 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,699 Whoa. 299 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,868 In my office, now. 300 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:16,664 Yes? 301 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:17,832 [BOBBY CLEARS THROAT] 302 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,042 All right, sit. 303 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:20,710 - I'm not a dog, Bobby. - Good boy. 304 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:24,130 I've been looking through the books. You're the accountant. Tell me... 305 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,925 ...why is this company in the crapper? - Well, we're not. 306 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,344 - It's a recession, but we're still profitable. - Bullshit. 307 00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:31,095 Look, I know you and my dad were pals. 308 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:36,559 Frankly, I always thought it was, uh, weird, it was gay. 309 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:39,187 - Do you know what that word means? - Yeah, it's dick on dick. 310 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,522 It ain't my bag. I thought it was a little bit weird... 311 00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:44,025 ...that my dad thought you were so fucking special. 312 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:46,527 But that doesn't matter now, he's in the ground. 313 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:49,530 I'm your boss. And there's gonna be some changes around here. 314 00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:51,783 - Can't wait to hear them. - First things first. 315 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,576 Hospital bills, Larry Murinsky. 316 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:57,038 Why the fuck are we paying his hospital bills, he doesn't even work here? 317 00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,208 He doesn't work here because he had a horrible accident in our warehouse. 318 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:03,628 - All right? The guy burned off half his face. - Exactly. 319 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,172 I don't want my money going to support monsters. 320 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:10,468 He's not a monster. He's a great guy who worked for us for many, many years. 321 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:13,346 Cut him off. Second. 322 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:16,391 EnviroTech Waste Management. It's costing us a lot of money. 323 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:18,977 Your dad chose to dispose of our waste responsibly. 324 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,979 To do that, you gotta spend money. 325 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,856 Fuck that. The Bolivians are gonna do it for a third of the price. 326 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,984 - I'm gonna hire them. - No, you can't go to them. 327 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,819 I will. I think I will. 328 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,862 They're gonna endanger local residents. 329 00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:33,282 Oh, I give a fuck some tribesman gets cancer. Cry me a fucking river. 330 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,284 They're not tribesmen. It's a modern society. 331 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:36,869 Do I look like I fucking care? 332 00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:39,497 Your dad told me very clearly he would rather die... 333 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,541 ...than save money and hurt people, okay? 334 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:45,253 Well, guess what, looks like we're right on schedule, doesn't it? 335 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,589 What else? Gotta trim some of the fat around here. 336 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,883 What do you mean by "trim the fat"? 337 00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,261 - I want you to fire the fat people. - What? 338 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,972 They're lazy, and slow and they make me sad to look at. 339 00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:59,308 You can start with Large Marge. Marge, can you come in here, please? 340 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:02,478 No, Margie's not fat, she's pregnant. I'm not gonna fire her. 341 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:04,063 Well, fine. Uh... 342 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,733 ...stay where you are, Marge. Congratulations. 343 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:11,362 - You can fire, uh, Professor Xavier. - Who are you talking about? 344 00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,073 - You mean Hank? - Yeah. 345 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,452 He creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special secret chair. 346 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:19,662 - He's up to something. - I won't fire anyone. 347 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,873 - You're not? Oh, really? - Yeah, really. 348 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,459 It's like you don't care about this company at all. 349 00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:28,171 No fucking shit I don't care about this company. This is just an ATM to me. 350 00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:31,799 You think when I was a kid I dreamed of running a fucking chemical company? 351 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:36,054 No. I dreamed of being on a beach with a model serving me tropical drinks. 352 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,765 That's what I dreamed of. That's what's gonna happen... 353 00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:43,644 ...as soon as I squeeze the profit out of this company. But first things first. 354 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:47,857 You either fire the fatty or you fire the cripple, or I fire all three of you. 355 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:53,404 Decision is yours. You can phone a friend, ask the audience, fifty-fifty. 356 00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:56,949 Do the math. One loses the job or three loses it. 357 00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,159 [SIGHS] 358 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,870 Your call. I think I know who you're gonna fire. 359 00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:05,166 And tell him to leave his handicap parking pass when he leaves. 360 00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:07,335 You can't take that. It's issued by the state, Bobby. 361 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,088 Well, this is... You're looking at the state. 362 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,715 The State of Bobbyville. 363 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,343 - Okay? Deal with it. - That would be a town, Bobby. 364 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:16,552 United States of Me. 365 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,554 - Okay, there we go. - It’s all here. 366 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:21,307 [CHATTERING] 367 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,363 - Hey, Hank, how you doing, man? - Good, what's up? 368 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,739 KURT: Um... 369 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,909 We're going through a real tough time... 370 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:42,954 ...financially and... 371 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,125 We're gonna have to let you go. 372 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:50,628 Shit. 373 00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:54,257 - I'm sorry. BOBBY: Everyone. 374 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:58,094 Uh, can I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make. 375 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:03,891 I've just learned that Kurt has fired our dear friend Hank here. 376 00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:10,064 I just want you all to know that I am just as shocked and angered as you all are. 377 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,566 - What are you doing? - Please. 378 00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:14,193 Enough out of you already today. My dad... 379 00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:16,362 ...on the day of his funeral. 380 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:19,574 This is an accounting department decision. My hands are tied. 381 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,578 I'm sorry. You are one cold, heartless bastard, Buckman. 382 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:33,421 - Hank, this wasn't my idea. - Fuck you, Kurt. 383 00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:51,230 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 384 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:52,899 Come in. 385 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,985 Julia, you needed to see me? Oh, shit. 386 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,535 Uh-oh. 387 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,413 - Will you have a seat, Dale? - Do I have to? 388 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,415 Please. 389 00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:12,752 Sure. 390 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,133 This is a little ridiculous, but... 391 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:23,888 Look, Dale, you know, I know that I like to fool around at work. Right? 392 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:27,308 And I might even... You know, I might even cross the line a bit. 393 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:31,145 But the last thing that I wanna do is make you uncomfortable. 394 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,273 I mean, it's just not professional. You know? 395 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,818 And I pride myself on being a professional. 396 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:42,573 So from now on, what I would like you to do is just tell me, you know... 397 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:46,077 ...when and if, uh, I cross the line. Okay? 398 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,663 Okay. Now. 399 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:50,206 What? 400 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:53,876 Well, now, you're kind of crossing a line... 401 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,128 ...because you're naked. 402 00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:57,838 Uh... 403 00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:00,383 Not naked, Dale. 404 00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:03,719 - Can you see my pussy? - Hmm. 405 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:07,348 True. Um... 406 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:12,270 But I think, uh, even really saying the word "pussy" is... 407 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,438 - That's crossing the line? - Little bit. 408 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,691 You're starting to sound like a little faggot. 409 00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:20,569 There we go. That one's another one, probably illegal thing to say too. 410 00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:25,825 Okay. Let's not talk about illegal, Mr. I-Like-To-Pee-On-Little-Boys. 411 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,536 It was an empty playground in the middle of the night. 412 00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:31,080 Ah. That's weirder. Poor child must have been terrified. 413 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:34,500 There were no children. No kids in the park. Why do people think that? 414 00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:38,879 You know what? Forget it. Listen, let's just cut to the chase, all right, mister? 415 00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:40,965 - You're engaged now. - Right. 416 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:45,720 And I respect the institution of marriage way too much to violate it. 417 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:49,890 So that's why you're gonna have to fuck me well before the wedding. 418 00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:54,812 Because the closer we get to this date, the less ladylike I'm gonna feel about it. 419 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,315 Julia, I'm not gonna sleep with you. 420 00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:04,905 We'll see about that. 421 00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:06,073 [GROANS] 422 00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:07,742 Get out. 423 00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:12,413 Could you do the, uh...? 424 00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:14,081 [DOOR BEEPS THEN CLICKS] 425 00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,669 I'm a sucker. Harken wasn't gonna promote me. 426 00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:21,547 That coked-up prick is gonna ruin Pellit Chemicals. 427 00:22:21,798 --> 00:22:23,591 He's just gonna fire everybody. 428 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:26,719 She stood there with her breasts right in my face. 429 00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:29,013 Yeah, you know, yours doesn't sound that bad. 430 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,765 I'll stop bringing it up. 431 00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:32,975 I don't understand why you guys don't quit. 432 00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:36,604 Julia's the only one who'd hire me. Are you registered sex offenders? 433 00:22:36,772 --> 00:22:40,649 Going to school, changing fields, starting from the bottom. Who wants to do that? 434 00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:44,779 What do I care about protecting Pellit's name when his own son doesn't? 435 00:22:44,946 --> 00:22:48,032 - Gotta be a million jobs out there. - You could find another job. 436 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,618 - Is this really happening? Look at this. KURT: Oh! 437 00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:54,246 The Three Musketeers. Nick, Kurt and Dale. Look, hanging like high school. 438 00:22:54,414 --> 00:22:55,664 Oh, shit. 439 00:22:55,957 --> 00:22:56,999 - Kenny's here. KENNY: What's up? 440 00:22:57,292 --> 00:22:59,293 - Yeah, I love this. - Kenny Sommerfeld. 441 00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:01,337 In the flesh, boys. In the flesh. 442 00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:02,630 KURT: Oh, my goodness. 443 00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:06,342 Now, I heard you moved to New York, you're working at Lehman Brothers. 444 00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,636 - They, uh, hired me right out of Yale. KURT: Hell yeah. 445 00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:12,306 NICK: Smart Kenny. I love that shit. - What are you doing here? 446 00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:15,893 - You read the papers? They shut us down. DALE: Right. Sorry about that. 447 00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:18,354 I've been looking for work for the last two years. 448 00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:20,564 I can't even get a job waiting tables. 449 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,650 You waiting tables. I don't buy that. 450 00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:25,611 Kenny Sommerfeld, you were voted "Most Likely to Succeed," weren't you? 451 00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:28,489 - I mean, everyone thought you were set. - Everybody including me! 452 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:29,740 [CHUCKLES] 453 00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:31,325 I'll tell you what though. 454 00:23:31,493 --> 00:23:33,661 I would fucking murder those Lehman Brothers if I could. 455 00:23:33,829 --> 00:23:35,496 - I don't blame you. - I bet. 456 00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:39,500 Line them up, and I would put one bullet through the three of their heads. 457 00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:41,293 - That would do it. - Heh. 458 00:23:41,461 --> 00:23:43,796 - Take it easy, Kenny. - No, you guys don't understand, okay. 459 00:23:43,964 --> 00:23:49,510 I was making the high six figures, and now, ha, I can't even pay for this fucking drink. 460 00:23:49,678 --> 00:23:52,930 - You can't? - Well, we'll cover it, right? Dale's got it. 461 00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:55,224 KENNY: Seriously, yeah? - Uh, I actually can't cover it. 462 00:23:55,392 --> 00:23:57,059 - I'll do it. - Will you spot him? 463 00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:59,228 Got some extra, maybe throw my way? 464 00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:02,606 - Beyond the drink? - Maybe some extra scratch, if you got it. 465 00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:04,733 - Of course. - Can you cover me? Just because... 466 00:24:04,901 --> 00:24:07,194 - And I'll get you next time I see you. - Cool, thank you. 467 00:24:07,362 --> 00:24:09,530 Kenny, I had no idea it was that bad, buddy. 468 00:24:09,698 --> 00:24:12,241 - Do you have change for a 10? KENNY: No, I don't. 469 00:24:12,409 --> 00:24:15,453 You know what? That's probably not gonna cut it, so I'll tell you what. 470 00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:17,496 How about I give you guys some hand jobs? 471 00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:18,998 - What is it? - Huh? 472 00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:21,584 Forty bucks a piece. We'll do it right here in the bathroom. 473 00:24:21,751 --> 00:24:23,711 All right, you guys are driving a hard bargain. 474 00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:26,172 Since I know you, I'll let you stare into my eyes. 475 00:24:26,339 --> 00:24:29,300 - I'll do the three of you for a hundred. - Kenny, are you gay now? 476 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:31,719 - No, I'm not gay! - You just do gay stuff. 477 00:24:31,887 --> 00:24:35,598 I'm the opposite of gay. Now, come on. What do you say? 478 00:24:35,765 --> 00:24:37,808 Handies for the Three Musketeers. 479 00:24:39,394 --> 00:24:42,480 Come on. You know what? I'll hit the three of you at the same time. 480 00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:44,398 Dale, I'm gonna deal with you right here behind my knee. 481 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:47,401 Nobody's doing that, you're gonna love it. You two, I'm gonna rock you. 482 00:24:47,569 --> 00:24:49,737 Nordic style. You know what they're saying right now? 483 00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:52,364 They're saying my hands are rated four stars. 484 00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:56,243 Four stars wrapped around your stick, pop the thumb, nick the top. Nick the top. 485 00:24:56,411 --> 00:24:59,580 - Nick the top, nick the top, pecker spit. - You been drinking all day, Kenny? 486 00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:03,125 Look at me. I know what I'm doing down there. Nobody will ever know. 487 00:25:03,293 --> 00:25:06,003 Hey! Come on, man. I thought I told you to stay out of here. 488 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:08,297 I gotta go. But listen, if you guys change your mind... 489 00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:10,633 ...I'm staying at my mom's house. Mm. 490 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,344 For an extra hundred, I'll let you guys pool your mayonnaise... 491 00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:16,597 ...right here in my bellybutton. You'll love it. Think about it. Ugh, ugh! Yes! 492 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:17,765 I'll be at my mom's. 493 00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:19,099 KURT: Okay. 494 00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:22,019 Oh, Kenny. 495 00:25:23,396 --> 00:25:26,398 That dude banged all three of my sisters. 496 00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:31,946 He might be looking for your brother now, you know. 497 00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:34,031 Maybe don't quit your job. 498 00:25:35,242 --> 00:25:38,452 I guess we'll be miserable for the rest of our lives? That's the deal? 499 00:25:38,703 --> 00:25:41,163 NICK: That's the way it's looking. - Why you saying that? 500 00:25:41,331 --> 00:25:42,957 We don't have many options, do we? 501 00:25:43,333 --> 00:25:46,085 Think about it, we can quit our jobs and turn into Kenny... 502 00:25:46,253 --> 00:25:49,505 ...or, uh, keep our jobs and just become spineless losers... 503 00:25:49,673 --> 00:25:52,883 ...that spend their entire day dreaming of ways to kill their bosses. 504 00:25:53,051 --> 00:25:54,635 - You do that too? - Of course. 505 00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:57,972 - Sounds a little sick. - It’s not. It's just a way to blow off steam. 506 00:25:58,139 --> 00:26:00,474 It's not like we're gonna actually kill our bosses. 507 00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:03,102 - Good. - Ha, ha. Though you would have to admit... 508 00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:06,313 ...that our lives would be a lot easier if our bosses weren't alive. 509 00:26:06,481 --> 00:26:07,523 NICK: Mm-hm. 510 00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:12,319 Hypothetically, if we could do it and none of us get caught, would you guys do it? 511 00:26:12,821 --> 00:26:14,280 - No. - I would. 512 00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:15,823 - No, you wouldn't. - I would. 513 00:26:15,991 --> 00:26:17,241 - You would? KURT: Yeah. 514 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:20,703 It's not murder if it's justified. Justifiable homicide, right? 515 00:26:20,870 --> 00:26:22,204 I can't wait to hear this. 516 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:25,082 If one evil person dies for the greater good, so be it. 517 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:29,420 You know, Bobby Pellit is an absolute monster. He's a fucking jerk. 518 00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:33,924 If he has his way, he's gonna end up killing thousands of innocent Bolivians. 519 00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:35,134 What? 520 00:26:35,302 --> 00:26:37,595 Technically, I think it's immoral not to kill him. 521 00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:40,681 I should kill Harken for not letting me say goodbye to Gam Gam? 522 00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:42,808 Yes. Yes, you should. 523 00:26:42,976 --> 00:26:45,811 But I don't care how bad our bosses are. We're not murderers. 524 00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:48,480 Julia is ruining your life, you know? That's wrong. 525 00:26:48,648 --> 00:26:51,358 - That is wrong. - It’s affecting your possible marriage. 526 00:26:51,526 --> 00:26:54,862 - Come on, she's not ruining it. - Would your life be easier without Julia? 527 00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,780 You're right. Uh, know what I'm gonna do? 528 00:26:56,948 --> 00:26:59,575 I'm gonna go to Julia's house, maybe I'll slash her up... 529 00:26:59,743 --> 00:27:03,370 ...and I'll put her in a box and I'll mail it to you two, uh, tough-guy mafiosos. 530 00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:07,333 I'm done with this conversation. You're paying for dinner because you've upset me. 531 00:27:08,001 --> 00:27:11,045 You're paying and I'm finding a cab somehow. 532 00:27:11,212 --> 00:27:13,797 I was just speaking hypothetically, you know. 533 00:27:13,965 --> 00:27:15,716 Me too. 534 00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:20,846 STACY: Guess who. 535 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:23,599 Look, I'm really kind of not in the mood for this. 536 00:27:23,808 --> 00:27:25,351 Not in the mood for what? 537 00:27:25,685 --> 00:27:26,769 - Hi. - Hi, babe. 538 00:27:26,936 --> 00:27:28,520 Oh, what are you doing here? 539 00:27:28,688 --> 00:27:31,732 - I invited her. - Yes. She called. 540 00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:36,278 And she said that now that we're engaged, she wanted to offer me free dental work. 541 00:27:36,446 --> 00:27:39,406 - And you know I have that loose filling. DALE: Yeah. 542 00:27:39,574 --> 00:27:41,575 This really was so, so sweet of you, Julia. 543 00:27:41,743 --> 00:27:44,203 Oh, please. Come on, Stacy, it's my pleasure. 544 00:27:44,371 --> 00:27:45,871 You're part of the family now. 545 00:27:46,539 --> 00:27:48,165 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 546 00:27:52,796 --> 00:27:56,173 But, um, I don't know if it's a good idea, sweetie. 547 00:27:56,341 --> 00:27:58,092 Oh, why not? 548 00:27:58,259 --> 00:28:02,596 Because we're mixing pleasure with business. Business and pleasure. 549 00:28:02,764 --> 00:28:04,390 We're taking advantage of Julia. 550 00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:06,433 Dale. 551 00:28:06,601 --> 00:28:10,479 There's nothing that you could do ever that would be taking advantage of me. 552 00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:13,440 - Okay? - So sweet. 553 00:28:14,150 --> 00:28:17,111 All right, you. Let's go say we pump you full of gas, huh? 554 00:28:17,278 --> 00:28:18,445 [STACY CHUCKLES] 555 00:28:18,613 --> 00:28:20,489 STACY: Okay. - Okay. 556 00:28:21,908 --> 00:28:23,867 Fuck me. 557 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,953 Ten. 558 00:28:26,454 --> 00:28:27,788 Nine. 559 00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:32,167 I don't know what you're doing with your hand. 560 00:28:32,335 --> 00:28:33,794 - Okay. - Seven. 561 00:28:33,962 --> 00:28:37,464 Put your hand in a safe place because there's sharp tools here. 562 00:28:39,008 --> 00:28:40,092 Oh, there she goes. 563 00:28:40,427 --> 00:28:43,262 JULIA: Come here! - What are you doing? What are you doing? 564 00:28:43,805 --> 00:28:44,888 [GRUMBLES] 565 00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:47,141 You're gonna give me that dong, Dale. 566 00:28:47,475 --> 00:28:48,517 My dong? 567 00:28:48,685 --> 00:28:50,644 You're gonna fuck my slutty little mouth. 568 00:28:50,812 --> 00:28:53,981 Do you hear the words you say sometimes? I mean, who talks like that? 569 00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:56,734 Let's have sex on top of her. Let's use her like a bed. 570 00:28:57,152 --> 00:29:00,028 Get down, get down. Hey, hey! Get off of her. 571 00:29:00,196 --> 00:29:04,408 Goddamn you! That's it, okay? You know what? That's crossing the line. 572 00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:06,076 So I'm done, Julia. 573 00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:09,830 Fuck this. I'm out. I don't need this job. So goodbye, I'm quitting. I'm done. 574 00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:11,665 I'm gonna tell her you fucked me. 575 00:29:12,375 --> 00:29:13,417 What? 576 00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:16,336 If you don't fuck me, I'm gonna tell her that you fucked me. 577 00:29:16,671 --> 00:29:20,007 Okay. Tell her whatever the hell you want. She's not gonna believe you. 578 00:29:20,550 --> 00:29:23,343 She already knows that you're a sex offender. 579 00:29:23,803 --> 00:29:26,722 And I think once she gets a look at these... 580 00:29:27,515 --> 00:29:29,516 ...she's gonna believe me. 581 00:29:30,351 --> 00:29:32,978 - What is that? - Do you remember your first week here? 582 00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:35,397 When I changed the crown on your second bicuspid? 583 00:29:35,565 --> 00:29:36,690 Yeah. 584 00:29:37,066 --> 00:29:41,361 Well, I just, uh, took a few pictures of the procedure. 585 00:29:41,529 --> 00:29:43,447 DALE: Oh, my God. - Right? 586 00:29:45,033 --> 00:29:47,034 Oh, no. What? 587 00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:49,495 JULIA: Oh. Ooh. 588 00:29:49,662 --> 00:29:51,413 You did all this while I was unconscious? 589 00:29:51,581 --> 00:29:53,499 Ooh. Mm-hm. Yep. 590 00:29:55,376 --> 00:29:57,169 [WHISPERS] That's my favorite. 591 00:29:57,337 --> 00:29:58,378 - Rape. - What? 592 00:29:58,546 --> 00:30:00,714 Rape. That's a rape. This is what raping is. 593 00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:03,467 You're a raper and you've raped me. That's a rape! Rape! 594 00:30:03,635 --> 00:30:06,053 Just relax there, Jodie Foster. 595 00:30:06,554 --> 00:30:08,013 Your dick wasn't even hard. 596 00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:09,890 That does not give me any relief. 597 00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:12,768 But it will be next time, and if it is not... 598 00:30:12,936 --> 00:30:17,481 ...this little sweetheart right here is gonna get a peek at my little photo album. 599 00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:23,612 So please prep the patient for the bitewing x-ray. 600 00:30:24,239 --> 00:30:26,114 I'll be back in a jiffy. 601 00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:40,212 I'm in. Let's kill this bitch! 602 00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:43,715 NICK: What bitch? - "What bitch"? Guys, my boss. 603 00:30:43,883 --> 00:30:47,135 Our bosses need to die. You were right, man. We should do this thing. 604 00:30:47,303 --> 00:30:50,347 We were drinking last night. You said that killing is wrong. 605 00:30:50,515 --> 00:30:54,768 I know. That was before Julia tried to fuck me on top of Stacy's unconscious body. 606 00:30:54,936 --> 00:30:56,061 KURT: Really? - Yes, dude. 607 00:30:56,229 --> 00:30:59,606 She's gone fucking batshit crazy. She took a bunch of photographs of me... 608 00:30:59,774 --> 00:31:02,442 - Where are they? - They'll ruin my life. I can't show them. 609 00:31:02,610 --> 00:31:05,445 - It's a whole thing. You guys in or out? - I was in last night. 610 00:31:05,613 --> 00:31:07,656 - Nick, what do you say? - Please. Let's go. 611 00:31:07,824 --> 00:31:08,866 Nick, come on. 612 00:31:09,033 --> 00:31:12,286 Seriously. I mean, uh, what about your grandma, you know? Bubbe. 613 00:31:12,453 --> 00:31:13,745 - Gam Gam. KURT: Whatever it is. 614 00:31:13,913 --> 00:31:15,998 She didn't get to say goodbye to her grandson. 615 00:31:16,165 --> 00:31:19,001 Because his dickbag of a boss wouldn't let him leave. Right? 616 00:31:19,168 --> 00:31:22,462 - What would Gam Gam want you to do? - She wouldn't want me to kill him. 617 00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:25,507 Okay, forget about Gam Gam. She's dead. You gotta accept that. 618 00:31:25,675 --> 00:31:28,510 This is about you, Nick. Okay, what do you want? 619 00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:30,596 Well, obviously I want him gone. 620 00:31:30,763 --> 00:31:32,514 - Exactly. So let's do this. - Right? 621 00:31:33,099 --> 00:31:34,975 KURT: How do we do this? - I thought about that. 622 00:31:35,143 --> 00:31:38,645 Stacy and I, we watch a ton of Law & Order. Huge Law & Order buffs. 623 00:31:38,813 --> 00:31:41,899 There's all sorts of ways the bad guys on the show mess up, right? 624 00:31:42,066 --> 00:31:44,943 They leave behind skin cells and, uh, bullet casing... 625 00:31:45,111 --> 00:31:46,153 Sperm. 626 00:31:46,321 --> 00:31:48,405 - Most of the time, it's sperm. - Silent killer. 627 00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:50,449 Anyway, that's not the point. Point is... 628 00:31:50,617 --> 00:31:53,660 ...we're not qualified. We gotta hire a professional. 629 00:31:53,995 --> 00:31:55,829 - Are you talking about a hit man? - Yeah. 630 00:31:55,997 --> 00:31:57,998 That's a really good idea. 631 00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,667 Yeah. We don't clean our own apartments or cut our own hair. 632 00:32:00,835 --> 00:32:02,461 - No, we pay someone to do that. - Yeah. 633 00:32:02,795 --> 00:32:05,631 Well, I don't actually. Stacy cuts my hair. 634 00:32:06,090 --> 00:32:07,925 - She does? - Yeah. 635 00:32:08,343 --> 00:32:10,677 - She have training for that? - Doesn't need it. 636 00:32:10,845 --> 00:32:12,137 She might. 637 00:32:13,014 --> 00:32:14,890 And where are you gonna find a hit man? 638 00:32:15,058 --> 00:32:17,184 Why don't you guys leave that up to me, okay? 639 00:32:17,352 --> 00:32:19,645 I got this whole thing figured out. 640 00:32:19,812 --> 00:32:24,316 I'm gonna give you a call tomorrow, I'm gonna tell you where to meet me. 641 00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:26,026 Why don't you just tell us now? 642 00:32:29,864 --> 00:32:32,324 I don't have it all figured out. I got some of it figured out. 643 00:32:32,492 --> 00:32:34,326 KURT: Okay. - I'm gonna go home and start. 644 00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:37,162 Okay. All right. I'm gonna go home too. 645 00:32:37,330 --> 00:32:41,667 - Well, you are. This is your house here. - Oh. I couldn't tell that by the way you go... 646 00:32:41,834 --> 00:32:44,711 ...in and out of my fridge drinking all my fucking beer. 647 00:32:46,005 --> 00:32:48,882 - No, no. - Enjoy. 648 00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:10,112 - Were you followed? - Why would I be followed? 649 00:33:10,279 --> 00:33:13,407 People follow people in these types of situations. Sure you weren't? 650 00:33:13,574 --> 00:33:14,616 Oh, boy. What people? 651 00:33:14,784 --> 00:33:16,910 Just take one quick look around, make sure. 652 00:33:17,078 --> 00:33:19,496 - Let's put this down. - Look around, make sure some... 653 00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,415 - Calm down! NICK: That's what you get. 654 00:33:21,582 --> 00:33:23,834 Shut the door, take the chain off and let me in. 655 00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,919 - I pissed him off already. - Already? 656 00:33:27,588 --> 00:33:30,048 What the hell's going on, huh? What are we doing here? 657 00:33:30,216 --> 00:33:31,883 I don't want an assassin in my apartment. 658 00:33:32,051 --> 00:33:34,261 Don't want this guy knowing where we live. 659 00:33:34,429 --> 00:33:37,973 Hang on, you guys already went ahead and found someone and he's coming here? 660 00:33:38,141 --> 00:33:40,434 - Oh, bigtime. - Not "we." Dale, all by himself. 661 00:33:40,601 --> 00:33:44,271 - It was easy. Easy as buying a used futon. - You found a hit man online? 662 00:33:44,439 --> 00:33:46,857 Yeah. They don't write "hit man," right? That's dumb. 663 00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:50,444 They use code words, like wet work, right? Liquidation. Check him out. 664 00:33:50,611 --> 00:33:52,904 "Skilled professional with years of experience... 665 00:33:53,072 --> 00:33:55,073 ...in domestic and international wet work. 666 00:33:55,241 --> 00:33:57,325 Discreet. No children, no political figures." 667 00:33:57,493 --> 00:34:00,454 That last part was important. I saw that, I thought, "This is a good idea." 668 00:34:00,621 --> 00:34:01,705 [CAR DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES] 669 00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,915 I feel we should've got a cheese plate for this guy. 670 00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:05,292 - 20/20 hindsight. - Is that him? 671 00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:08,128 KURT: Oh, shit. - Yeah, that was definitely a car. 672 00:34:12,675 --> 00:34:15,135 KURT: He looks like James Bond. - He really does, dude. 673 00:34:15,303 --> 00:34:19,306 Bet he carries a gun you screw together. Those are, like, the coolest guns they make. 674 00:34:19,474 --> 00:34:21,683 So dangerous. What if that is an undercover cop? 675 00:34:21,851 --> 00:34:23,393 - Come on. - What if it's the real thing? 676 00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:26,521 He charges so much we can't afford it, gets pissed, kills us. 677 00:34:26,689 --> 00:34:28,440 - Kills all three of us? Hold on. - That's a thing? 678 00:34:28,608 --> 00:34:29,649 Could that happen? 679 00:34:29,817 --> 00:34:30,817 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 680 00:34:30,985 --> 00:34:32,486 - Gotta let him in. - How's my hair? 681 00:34:32,653 --> 00:34:35,697 - What do you mean? - It doesn't matter. Let's do this. Okay. 682 00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:37,407 Ready? 683 00:34:39,243 --> 00:34:40,994 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 684 00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:45,665 [IN DEEP VOICE] Yeah? 685 00:34:45,958 --> 00:34:47,000 Are you Dale? 686 00:34:49,003 --> 00:34:51,880 - I am the one they call Dale. - Hmm. 687 00:34:52,298 --> 00:34:54,132 Please come in. 688 00:34:54,675 --> 00:34:56,134 MAN: Thank you. 689 00:34:59,305 --> 00:35:02,015 Are all three of you participating in this? 690 00:35:02,183 --> 00:35:03,266 DALE: Yes. NICK: Well, um... 691 00:35:03,434 --> 00:35:05,310 KURT: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Yep. DALE: Yes. 692 00:35:05,478 --> 00:35:07,104 Very well. 693 00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:09,981 Now, before we go any further... 694 00:35:10,149 --> 00:35:13,610 ...l need to know if there are any hidden recording devices in the room. 695 00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:15,695 I will find out if there are. 696 00:35:15,863 --> 00:35:19,491 I'm sure you would, but there's none because that would be stupid of us. 697 00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:21,701 - That's a silly move. - It’s a no. 698 00:35:23,579 --> 00:35:25,497 Then let's get started. 699 00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:29,835 - I love this guy. - This is the real deal. 700 00:35:30,002 --> 00:35:32,003 - His voice, you kidding? - This guy is legit. 701 00:35:32,171 --> 00:35:35,423 And you do know that we just wanna start with a...? 702 00:35:36,384 --> 00:35:38,760 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, wait, what's this for? 703 00:35:38,928 --> 00:35:40,387 - For the mess. - What? 704 00:35:40,555 --> 00:35:42,139 Wouldn't wanna leave a stain, now. 705 00:35:42,306 --> 00:35:44,307 - Oh, my God. I knew it. - Who's first? 706 00:35:44,475 --> 00:35:46,810 - "Who's first"? No. - We don't want you to kill us. 707 00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:50,105 We want you to kill another person. If anyone's first, probably him. 708 00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:51,314 KURT: No. Goddamn it. 709 00:35:51,482 --> 00:35:53,942 Gentlemen, gentlemen, what are you talking about? 710 00:35:54,944 --> 00:35:56,903 Your ad said you do wet work. 711 00:35:57,071 --> 00:35:58,071 That's correct. 712 00:35:58,364 --> 00:36:00,198 I urinate on other men for money. 713 00:36:00,491 --> 00:36:01,908 - What was that? - What'd he say? 714 00:36:02,076 --> 00:36:03,702 I think he said he pisses on dudes. 715 00:36:04,370 --> 00:36:07,497 Why else do you think my ad was in the "men seeking men" section? 716 00:36:08,916 --> 00:36:09,958 Where was it? 717 00:36:10,126 --> 00:36:12,002 - You fucking idiot. - Could you be dumber? 718 00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:15,380 - Why look in the "men seeking men"...? - We are men looking for a man! 719 00:36:15,548 --> 00:36:17,465 How do people let you work on their teeth? 720 00:36:17,633 --> 00:36:20,010 They don't, actually. I just hand the tools to Julia. 721 00:36:20,261 --> 00:36:24,598 Are you telling me that I've driven all this way and nobody wants to get pissed on? 722 00:36:24,765 --> 00:36:26,266 NICK: Uh-uh. - Well, it's not our thing. 723 00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:27,434 Sorry about that. 724 00:36:27,602 --> 00:36:30,937 Can I use your toilet? I stored up rather a large amount of pee for this. 725 00:36:31,105 --> 00:36:33,899 Sure. Yeah, it's right through there. Knock yourself out. 726 00:36:34,066 --> 00:36:36,902 Oh, and by the way, I still will want my $200. 727 00:36:37,069 --> 00:36:38,361 - Understandable. KURT: We insist. 728 00:36:38,529 --> 00:36:40,780 - Two hundred, huh? A bargain. - To kill three people? 729 00:36:40,948 --> 00:36:43,408 - I thought it was such a good deal. - Dipshit. Unbelievable. 730 00:36:43,576 --> 00:36:44,618 [MAN URINATING] 731 00:36:44,785 --> 00:36:46,036 I'll be in the car. 732 00:36:46,204 --> 00:36:48,288 Okay, but you guys are gonna chip in for the... 733 00:36:48,456 --> 00:36:50,999 Am I gonna have to give him all my money? 734 00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:54,669 Sir, I'm going to leave your money on the bed. 735 00:36:57,131 --> 00:36:58,632 [MAN STILL URINATING] 736 00:36:58,799 --> 00:37:00,508 God, he would have drenched us. 737 00:37:06,682 --> 00:37:08,850 DALE: Okay, I'm gonna take the blame on that one. 738 00:37:09,018 --> 00:37:11,561 - You bet your ass you will. - You should take the blame. 739 00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:14,564 - It was an honest mistake. - That's not how you find a killer. 740 00:37:14,732 --> 00:37:17,275 - Oh, you know how to find a killer? - Yeah, I bet I... 741 00:37:17,443 --> 00:37:19,694 Yeah, hey, you know what? Yeah. I got an idea. 742 00:37:19,862 --> 00:37:20,987 DALE: What are you doing? 743 00:37:21,155 --> 00:37:22,155 What are you doing? 744 00:37:22,323 --> 00:37:24,324 GREGORY [OVER SPEAKER]: Good evening, Mr. Buckman. 745 00:37:24,492 --> 00:37:26,701 Thank you for contacting Nav Guide. My name is Gregory. 746 00:37:26,869 --> 00:37:28,620 How may I be of service this evening? 747 00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:32,666 Yeah, we're looking for the most dangerous bar in the city. Can you help us, please? 748 00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:34,668 - We're going to dinner. GREGORY: I'm sorry? 749 00:37:34,835 --> 00:37:38,338 Looking for a bar filled with criminals. Lowlife thugs, hard-core shitheads. 750 00:37:38,506 --> 00:37:40,840 - What do you got for us? - Let's go to a restaurant. 751 00:37:41,008 --> 00:37:44,719 GREGORY: I'm afraid our listings are not organized by danger, sir. 752 00:37:44,887 --> 00:37:47,847 I see there's an Applebee's three blocks from your location. 753 00:37:48,015 --> 00:37:49,557 - Perfect. KURT: No, not really helpful. 754 00:37:49,725 --> 00:37:52,394 They're not the kind of shitheads we need. Anything else? 755 00:37:52,561 --> 00:37:54,437 GREGORY: I could direct you to a neighborhood... 756 00:37:54,605 --> 00:37:56,273 ...with the greatest number of carjackings. 757 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,234 - Now we're thinking outside the box. - I wanna go to dinner. 758 00:37:59,402 --> 00:38:00,902 - Love it. DALE: That's probably right. 759 00:38:01,070 --> 00:38:04,281 GREGORY: Very good, sir. You may wish to lock your doors. 760 00:38:07,535 --> 00:38:09,369 [SIRENS WAILING] 761 00:38:11,205 --> 00:38:13,123 - This is worse than getting pissed on. KURT: Shh. 762 00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:15,292 - I'd rather be pissed on. - Jesus. 763 00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:18,169 You weren't kidding, Gregory. This is, uh, a bad part of town. 764 00:38:18,337 --> 00:38:20,630 You can stay on the line. You're still there? 765 00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:23,758 GREGORY: I'm still here, sir. - Just keep, uh, keep us on the line. 766 00:38:23,926 --> 00:38:27,262 I'm always curious about these things, but is your real name Gregory? 767 00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:31,558 Uh, no, sir. My real name is Atmanand. 768 00:38:31,726 --> 00:38:33,059 How do you get Gregory from that? 769 00:38:33,227 --> 00:38:35,520 GREGORY: Oh. Gregory was assigned to me... 770 00:38:35,688 --> 00:38:38,189 ...by Nav Guide. - Why not let you use your real name? 771 00:38:38,357 --> 00:38:41,568 GREGORY: They say many Americans find our real names hard to pronounce. 772 00:38:41,736 --> 00:38:43,695 I'm not gonna play by their rules any more. 773 00:38:43,863 --> 00:38:45,905 From now on, I'm gonna call you Ahmenan. 774 00:38:46,073 --> 00:38:47,949 GREGORY: Atmanand. - Ammenand. 775 00:38:48,117 --> 00:38:49,909 - Atmanad. GREGORY: Atmanand. 776 00:38:50,077 --> 00:38:52,579 I'm gonna call you Gregory, that name's a nightmare. 777 00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:54,873 WOMAN: Hey, baby. NICK: Oh, boy. 778 00:38:55,041 --> 00:38:56,750 DALE: You hurt his feelings. KURT: I didn't. 779 00:38:56,917 --> 00:38:58,918 GREGORY: You have arrived at your destination, sir. 780 00:38:59,086 --> 00:39:02,422 KURT: All right. Well, thanks, Gregory. GREGORY: You're welcome. 781 00:39:05,092 --> 00:39:06,926 [RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 782 00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:11,264 All right. All right, here we go. 783 00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:13,975 NICK: This is a really bad idea. KURT: This is a great idea. 784 00:39:14,143 --> 00:39:17,312 - Gonna yell "anybody here kill for money"? - No. 785 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,731 - That's a terrible plan. - Follow me. I got this. 786 00:39:19,899 --> 00:39:22,275 - Where you going? - I don't feel we should stay. 787 00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:24,069 All right. 788 00:39:26,072 --> 00:39:28,281 - Bowflex? MAN: Shut up. 789 00:39:29,283 --> 00:39:30,950 [KURT SPEAKS IN SPANISH] 790 00:39:31,327 --> 00:39:32,911 Ah. 791 00:39:33,662 --> 00:39:35,288 My man. 792 00:39:35,456 --> 00:39:36,498 [CHUCKLES] 793 00:39:36,665 --> 00:39:39,793 Hey, uh, does anyone here kill people for money? 794 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,461 - Kurt. - The fuck you just say? 795 00:39:41,629 --> 00:39:43,046 No, it's not a race thing. 796 00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:46,466 Uh, I believe that society discriminates and disenfranchises you folks. 797 00:39:46,634 --> 00:39:47,884 BARTENDER: "You folks"? - Subtle. 798 00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:51,638 Man, I'm a small-business owner. Who the hell you calling disenfranchised? 799 00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:53,973 Well, not you in particular, in that instance. 800 00:39:54,141 --> 00:39:56,893 - Oh, right. You mean all black people. - Yes. 801 00:39:57,061 --> 00:39:59,229 - I'm gonna be in the car. DALE: Oh, a baseball bat. 802 00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:02,565 Uh, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm sorry if that's what happened. 803 00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:04,567 My heart's in the right place. 804 00:40:04,735 --> 00:40:07,320 In five seconds, your heart gonna be in the wrong place. 805 00:40:07,488 --> 00:40:10,156 - Four, three, two, let's roll. - Got it. Okay. Take care. 806 00:40:10,324 --> 00:40:11,950 Have a nice day. Good day to you. 807 00:40:12,118 --> 00:40:13,868 WOMAN: Bye, baby. 808 00:40:16,997 --> 00:40:18,832 KURT: Don't say a word. I know, I know. 809 00:40:18,999 --> 00:40:20,583 Hit the button. Hit the button. 810 00:40:20,751 --> 00:40:22,877 - Guys, I don't know. Should we quit? - Yeah, definitely. 811 00:40:23,045 --> 00:40:25,672 - Yo. Think I can help you boys. - Is that for us? 812 00:40:27,341 --> 00:40:29,342 - Here we go. - Not interested, thank you. 813 00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:30,552 Hey, hey, hey. 814 00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:31,761 [NICK SIGHS] 815 00:40:31,929 --> 00:40:34,055 Let's follow a strange guy into a dark corner. 816 00:40:39,770 --> 00:40:42,772 Somebody said y'all looking for somebody to help with business. 817 00:40:42,940 --> 00:40:46,151 - [IN DEEP VOICE] Yep. - Well, um... 818 00:40:46,318 --> 00:40:48,027 ...are you a businessman? - Yeah. 819 00:40:48,195 --> 00:40:49,696 Motherfucker Jones. 820 00:40:50,322 --> 00:40:53,450 - How's that? - Motherfucker Jones. 821 00:40:54,326 --> 00:40:57,120 Your first name is Motherfucker? 822 00:40:57,288 --> 00:41:00,790 Not Motherfucker. Motherfuckah. White people say "er." 823 00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:03,251 Negroes say "fuckah." 824 00:41:03,419 --> 00:41:05,545 - Got it. - You say E-R. I say A-H. 825 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,382 Cool name. Yeah. Is that, like, on your birth certificate too? 826 00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:10,884 JONES: No, goof ball. 827 00:41:11,886 --> 00:41:13,094 My real name is Dean. 828 00:41:13,262 --> 00:41:15,972 Dean Jones. Same name of the actor in Herbie, the Love Bug. 829 00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:17,348 He won't know who that is. 830 00:41:17,516 --> 00:41:19,559 - I know who he is, bitch. - Sorry. 831 00:41:19,727 --> 00:41:23,313 I can't walk around in this fucking neighborhood with that Disney-ass name. 832 00:41:23,731 --> 00:41:25,231 How'd you get the name Motherfucker? 833 00:41:25,941 --> 00:41:28,067 When I was a kid, I snuck into my mother's bedroom. 834 00:41:28,235 --> 00:41:29,486 DALE: Ooh. NICK: Uh-oh. 835 00:41:32,907 --> 00:41:36,493 JONES: She was sleeping on the bed. She had been drinking all night. 836 00:41:36,660 --> 00:41:38,620 - I've heard enough. - Her skin was glistening. 837 00:41:40,414 --> 00:41:42,499 - And I snuck up behind her. - Dean. 838 00:41:42,958 --> 00:41:44,584 And I slipped my fingers... 839 00:41:44,752 --> 00:41:46,044 Ahh. 840 00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:48,880 JONES: ...into her purse. - Purse? He said "purse." 841 00:41:49,256 --> 00:41:52,926 JONES: And I took all of her money. And it was her week's pay. 842 00:41:53,093 --> 00:41:54,928 - I really fucked her over. - Motherfucker! 843 00:41:55,095 --> 00:41:58,640 And that's how I got the name Motherfucker Jones. 844 00:41:58,807 --> 00:41:59,849 Right. 845 00:42:00,017 --> 00:42:02,977 They should call you Motherfucker-Over Jones to avoid confusion. 846 00:42:03,145 --> 00:42:05,271 - What's the confusion? - There's no confusion. 847 00:42:05,439 --> 00:42:08,608 We're gonna get back on track here. Sir, we each have a boss, uh... 848 00:42:08,776 --> 00:42:09,776 ...that, you know... 849 00:42:09,944 --> 00:42:13,905 There's three bosses, and it would be best if those bosses maybe were no longer... 850 00:42:14,114 --> 00:42:16,241 - No longer around anymore. DALE: We want them... 851 00:42:16,408 --> 00:42:19,494 NICK: You know? - ...killed. 852 00:42:20,496 --> 00:42:21,621 You got the cheese? 853 00:42:23,123 --> 00:42:25,833 We got the cheese. What kind of cheese are you thinking? 854 00:42:26,001 --> 00:42:28,711 - What is that, three hits? That's... - Yeah. 855 00:42:31,465 --> 00:42:33,299 - Thirty large. KURT: Whoa. 856 00:42:33,467 --> 00:42:35,635 - Hungry. - That's a lot of cheese. 857 00:42:35,803 --> 00:42:36,970 DALE: Oh, here's an idea. 858 00:42:37,137 --> 00:42:39,889 If you kill two, could we get the third one hold the cheese? 859 00:42:40,057 --> 00:42:43,268 It's no negotiations. Thirty large or nothing. 860 00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:46,854 - That's more cheese than we've got. - Okay, then. It's five large now. 861 00:42:49,858 --> 00:42:52,360 Then we're in. We're in. We're in. Right? 862 00:42:52,528 --> 00:42:55,655 Hang on. Wouldn't it be awful if it was traceable back to us? 863 00:42:55,823 --> 00:42:57,156 I don't even know your names. 864 00:42:57,324 --> 00:42:59,242 - That is rude. This is Dale. - Don't say my name. 865 00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:03,288 Shut the fuck up. Listen. Bring the money here tomorrow, I'll take care of the rest. 866 00:43:03,455 --> 00:43:06,332 Do you want it in something specific, a shoebox, duffel bag? 867 00:43:06,500 --> 00:43:08,876 - Just be here with the fucking money. KURT: Yeah. 868 00:43:09,044 --> 00:43:11,421 - Put it in a briefcase. NICK: Thanks for your time. 869 00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:12,630 Here we go. 870 00:43:12,798 --> 00:43:14,007 DALE: Is the briefcase coming out of your end? 871 00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:16,175 [GRUNTS] 872 00:43:18,345 --> 00:43:20,179 [LAUGHS] 873 00:44:22,159 --> 00:44:24,035 [JULIA MIMICS SQUEAKING SOUND] 874 00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:26,412 [CHUCKLES] 875 00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:52,563 Looks like it's all there. 876 00:44:52,731 --> 00:44:55,108 Didn't even need a briefcase. It's a small stack. 877 00:44:55,275 --> 00:44:57,944 - We should have used a manila envelope. - It’s all right. 878 00:44:58,112 --> 00:45:01,989 What is your projected outside date of completion, Motherfucker? 879 00:45:02,408 --> 00:45:03,449 [SLURPS] 880 00:45:03,617 --> 00:45:05,118 Ah. 881 00:45:05,786 --> 00:45:09,247 I just got back from doing a dime for some real nasty shit. 882 00:45:09,540 --> 00:45:10,957 - [WHISPERS] That's 10 years. - I know. 883 00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:14,252 They're looking at me. I'm on probation, and if I step out of line... 884 00:45:16,296 --> 00:45:17,338 ...I'm going back. 885 00:45:18,048 --> 00:45:20,258 - Right. - Understood. 886 00:45:21,051 --> 00:45:23,636 - Period? End of story? - What does that mean? 887 00:45:23,804 --> 00:45:27,265 - Wait. You said you'd take care of this. - Yeah, I'll take care of it. 888 00:45:29,393 --> 00:45:31,853 I'm gonna be your murder consultant. 889 00:45:32,604 --> 00:45:34,772 I'm sorry, but, uh... 890 00:45:34,940 --> 00:45:39,652 - No, man. Right? That's not cool. - You don't shut this fucking hamster up... 891 00:45:39,820 --> 00:45:41,863 - Don't call me a hamster now. Come on. - Easy, easy. 892 00:45:42,030 --> 00:45:44,282 - It's just upsetting. - No, it's somewhat accurate. 893 00:45:44,450 --> 00:45:46,492 Look, that is not what we talked about, Motherfucker. 894 00:45:46,660 --> 00:45:49,662 So how about we just take the money and we'll get out of here? 895 00:45:49,830 --> 00:45:51,831 How about you go fuck yourself? No refunds. 896 00:45:51,999 --> 00:45:55,668 That's $5000. if you think we're just gonna walk out and let you keep that... 897 00:45:55,836 --> 00:45:58,504 - I think you're forgetting... DALE: Don't go grabbing quickly. 898 00:45:58,672 --> 00:45:59,672 NICK: Jesus. 899 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:03,217 Mr. Motherfucker, please, don't shoot us. Let's just talk it out. 900 00:46:03,385 --> 00:46:05,678 Listen, $5000 is mine. I don't care what you say. 901 00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:08,181 You can take my advice or get the fuck out of here. 902 00:46:08,348 --> 00:46:10,516 - That's a terrible deal. KURT: We should listen. 903 00:46:10,684 --> 00:46:12,643 - Okay, $5000 worth of advice? JONES: Yeah. 904 00:46:12,811 --> 00:46:14,228 Most killers are first-timers. 905 00:46:14,396 --> 00:46:17,940 You wanna pull off a brilliant murder, you gotta act like it's an accident. 906 00:46:18,108 --> 00:46:21,194 Failed brakes, gas leaks, suicide. 907 00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:24,405 You do it right, you ain't even gotta be there when it goes down. 908 00:46:24,573 --> 00:46:27,158 Oh, boy. That's five grand worth, huh? 909 00:46:27,367 --> 00:46:30,328 - Pretty pedestrian. - Not really. Obvious information, isn't it? 910 00:46:30,496 --> 00:46:33,790 Sounds like Scooby-Doo. How are we supposed to fake three accidents? 911 00:46:33,957 --> 00:46:35,041 JONES: You stalk your prey. 912 00:46:35,209 --> 00:46:39,378 Gotta be smart. Find out where they live, find out their habits. What's their hobbies? 913 00:46:39,546 --> 00:46:42,298 What they like, what food they like, who they fucking. 914 00:46:42,466 --> 00:46:44,175 - Word. - Find them vulnerable. 915 00:46:44,343 --> 00:46:47,762 I have a job, you know? What's that, surveillance and recon? 916 00:46:47,930 --> 00:46:51,557 That's why we were hiring, because we wanna sub that out. We have jobs. 917 00:46:51,725 --> 00:46:54,310 Even if you pull it off perfectly... 918 00:46:54,645 --> 00:46:57,063 ...if you crackers got motives... 919 00:46:57,231 --> 00:46:58,231 ...the popo... 920 00:46:58,398 --> 00:47:00,441 - [WHISPERS] That's police. - ...will pin it to you. 921 00:47:00,609 --> 00:47:03,236 We all have clear motives for killing our bosses... 922 00:47:03,403 --> 00:47:06,405 ...so this is not gonna work. This is garbage. 923 00:47:07,533 --> 00:47:09,075 I got it. 924 00:47:09,284 --> 00:47:11,118 Why don't you kill each other's bosses? 925 00:47:15,916 --> 00:47:18,459 - That's actually a good idea. - It’s not bad. 926 00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:21,128 Yeah, like Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train, right? 927 00:47:21,296 --> 00:47:24,215 - I didn't see that. They do that? - Danny DeVito movie. It's funny. 928 00:47:24,383 --> 00:47:27,927 That famous Alfred Hitchcock, Danny DeVito movie. That's the one he's... 929 00:47:28,095 --> 00:47:30,388 Come on. You're thinking of Throw Momma From the Train. 930 00:47:30,556 --> 00:47:32,598 - That's what it is. - That I saw. 931 00:47:32,766 --> 00:47:34,892 Good movie. That's what you're thinking about. 932 00:47:35,060 --> 00:47:38,396 Same idea, though. We kill each other's bosses, there's no link to us. 933 00:47:38,564 --> 00:47:40,815 Exactly. Five thousand dollars well spent, right? 934 00:47:40,983 --> 00:47:43,276 KURT: No. Not at all. DALE: Waste of money. 935 00:47:43,443 --> 00:47:45,111 Well, too fucking bad. 936 00:47:45,279 --> 00:47:46,571 Get out. 937 00:47:48,282 --> 00:47:50,032 [PHONE RINGS] 938 00:47:50,367 --> 00:47:51,409 Hello. 939 00:47:51,577 --> 00:47:54,495 Hey. I'm outside. You ready to do a little recon? 940 00:47:54,663 --> 00:47:59,000 Yep. Yeah. I have to get Harken to let me leave a little bit early. 941 00:47:59,167 --> 00:48:02,128 What's the difference? Not like he'll be your boss much longer. 942 00:48:02,462 --> 00:48:03,921 I'll be down in three minutes. 943 00:48:04,089 --> 00:48:06,841 Three minutes it is. Bye. He'll be down in three minutes. 944 00:48:07,009 --> 00:48:11,596 - Dude, these seats are crazy comfortable. - Look at this. I know, it's so good. Ah. 945 00:48:11,972 --> 00:48:15,141 The worst report I have ever read in my life, you nimwit. 946 00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:17,018 You're such a fucking dweeb. 947 00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:21,856 Do you have a parking space? Because I'm gonna take it away from you. 948 00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:25,067 Who is it, like your mother-in-law that knows my wife? 949 00:48:25,235 --> 00:48:27,361 How you got this fucking job, I don't even understand. 950 00:48:27,529 --> 00:48:29,155 [GAGGING] 951 00:48:31,158 --> 00:48:32,199 [MAN GROANS] 952 00:48:32,367 --> 00:48:33,784 Ugh. 953 00:48:34,036 --> 00:48:35,953 HARKEN: What the hell? 954 00:48:36,580 --> 00:48:40,249 Sorry, everybody. I've been fighting that bug all day. Let me get back to work. 955 00:48:40,417 --> 00:48:44,295 No, no, no. You're disgusting. Go home. I don't want you getting anyone else sick. 956 00:48:44,463 --> 00:48:46,172 Probably best. 957 00:48:47,424 --> 00:48:50,468 Take all your work with you and have it on my desk 6 a.m. Monday. 958 00:48:50,636 --> 00:48:53,137 - You got it. Thank you, Mr. Harken. - Jesus Christ. 959 00:48:53,305 --> 00:48:56,515 - Don't forget to take your fucking trash can. - Yeah. No, that's mine. 960 00:48:56,683 --> 00:48:59,101 HARKEN: You goddamn barfing pig. 961 00:49:04,024 --> 00:49:05,024 KURT: Evens are over here. 962 00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:08,402 DALE: I know, but sometimes on some streets evens are on the opposite side. 963 00:49:08,570 --> 00:49:09,612 KURT: Never. 964 00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:12,031 Never have and they never will. There it is, 428. 965 00:49:12,199 --> 00:49:14,784 DALE: Which one, which one? - Don't stop right in front of it. 966 00:49:14,952 --> 00:49:17,703 Stop right here. Right here, right here. 967 00:49:19,957 --> 00:49:21,332 KURT: Okay, boys. 968 00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:26,170 We wait till Pellit makes a move, then we tail him, all right? 969 00:49:26,338 --> 00:49:27,922 - It is on like Donkey Kong. - Ha, ha. 970 00:49:28,090 --> 00:49:30,716 - Hells yeah, man. - Here we go, huh? 971 00:49:30,884 --> 00:49:32,134 [EXHALES] 972 00:49:32,761 --> 00:49:35,054 - Fire that the other way next time, okay. - Is my breath bad? 973 00:49:35,222 --> 00:49:38,432 - Yeah. Find some gum or lean back. - I had a falafel. 974 00:49:39,267 --> 00:49:42,979 You had a shawarma, right? It's like a lamb mistake. 975 00:49:43,146 --> 00:49:45,106 - Where'd you get a falafel? - Mickey's. 976 00:49:45,273 --> 00:49:48,067 - Mickey's has falafels? No kidding. - Mm-hm. 977 00:49:48,235 --> 00:49:49,652 Why don't you lean back? 978 00:49:50,237 --> 00:49:53,447 Because he parked right in front of a tree. If I lean back, I can't see the house over there. 979 00:49:53,615 --> 00:49:57,243 Stop exasperating on me, or watch your H's. 980 00:49:57,703 --> 00:50:00,079 Through the nose stinks too, okay? 981 00:50:01,581 --> 00:50:02,790 I hate that angle. 982 00:50:03,834 --> 00:50:06,252 We should probably get lower. If he sees three guys... 983 00:50:06,420 --> 00:50:08,295 - Slouch down a little. - I'm gonna get back. 984 00:50:08,463 --> 00:50:10,589 - You're gonna back your seat up? - If you get in your seat... 985 00:50:10,757 --> 00:50:12,258 ...l can back my seat up. 986 00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:15,469 I don't really have a good angle from here because there's that tree. 987 00:50:15,637 --> 00:50:17,722 - You got a whole window to look through. - I'm coming up. 988 00:50:17,889 --> 00:50:20,433 - Come on, lean back. - I like the three man thing. 989 00:50:21,059 --> 00:50:22,435 What are you doing, Kurt? 990 00:50:22,602 --> 00:50:23,894 [CHUCKLES] 991 00:50:24,062 --> 00:50:25,980 - What's going on? - He's fucking around, man. 992 00:50:26,148 --> 00:50:30,776 Creating a finger web in front of your face. Is that...? Is that like a camouflage? 993 00:50:30,944 --> 00:50:33,112 It is his boss. I mean, he's the one who's going to get recognized. 994 00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,364 Finger-flage. It's called finger-flage. 995 00:50:35,532 --> 00:50:38,200 Finger-flage. This is actually a pretty damn good idea, dude. 996 00:50:38,368 --> 00:50:40,828 Just roll up your window. Please, I can't... I can't... 997 00:50:40,996 --> 00:50:43,539 DALE: Do the finger-flage. - Let's not have jokes for two hours. 998 00:50:43,707 --> 00:50:45,958 - This is serious business. - This is fun. 999 00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:52,131 Oh, my God. I cannot believe how much this sucks. 1000 00:50:52,299 --> 00:50:55,843 I don't get it, man. On TV, surveillance always looks fun, right? 1001 00:50:56,011 --> 00:50:59,680 You know, the cops, they got the sunflower seeds and the coffee. 1002 00:50:59,848 --> 00:51:01,849 Talk about their lives and shit. And then... 1003 00:51:02,017 --> 00:51:05,561 You know, right when someone reveals something really intimate, the perp appears. 1004 00:51:05,729 --> 00:51:07,813 - They spring into action. - Yeah. 1005 00:51:10,984 --> 00:51:12,568 Are we even sure this guy's home? 1006 00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:21,202 - Let's go check this out. - Yeah, we should probably look, right? 1007 00:51:23,497 --> 00:51:24,997 NICK: Shh. 1008 00:51:25,165 --> 00:51:26,248 Oh, my God. 1009 00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:28,209 What do you wanna do? What's the plan? 1010 00:51:28,376 --> 00:51:32,004 - Let's look through this window right here. - No, no. No, let's ring the bell. 1011 00:51:32,172 --> 00:51:35,299 You're not gonna ring the bell. Look through the window right here. 1012 00:51:35,467 --> 00:51:38,719 Chances are, he's not home. I haven't seen any activity in this house... 1013 00:51:38,887 --> 00:51:41,847 What are you doing? You're not gonna ring the doorbell. 1014 00:51:42,015 --> 00:51:44,183 [CAR ENGINE STARTS AND REVS] 1015 00:51:44,351 --> 00:51:46,685 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO] 1016 00:51:50,273 --> 00:51:51,607 - Come on. Come on. KURT: Dale, Dale, Dale. 1017 00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:55,861 [GRUNTING] 1018 00:51:58,406 --> 00:52:00,366 I didn't make it in. 1019 00:52:04,287 --> 00:52:06,789 I'm sorry, guys. Didn't make it in. 1020 00:52:06,957 --> 00:52:08,040 You in? 1021 00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:11,710 Yeah, I'm okay. Jesus Christ, the guy owns a fucking bear? 1022 00:52:12,045 --> 00:52:15,589 - We're breaking and entering here. - I know. Shh. Oh, look at this. 1023 00:52:16,508 --> 00:52:19,301 Look at this place. It's awful. It's like a douchebag museum. 1024 00:52:20,804 --> 00:52:23,556 It's like we stepped inside the mind of an asshole. 1025 00:52:23,723 --> 00:52:24,765 [DALE CHUCKLES] 1026 00:52:24,933 --> 00:52:26,225 Shit. He's got a foosball table. 1027 00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:29,103 Dale! Don't touch anything. Get your hands off that. 1028 00:52:29,896 --> 00:52:31,564 - Fingerprints. - Yeah, fingerprints. 1029 00:52:31,731 --> 00:52:35,067 - God. We should be wearing gloves. KURT: We don't have... Oh, here. I know. 1030 00:52:35,235 --> 00:52:37,069 Use your sleeves. Use your sleeves. 1031 00:52:37,237 --> 00:52:38,946 - For what? - Use them for gloves. 1032 00:52:39,114 --> 00:52:42,074 - Come on. - I can see my fingerprints from here. 1033 00:52:42,242 --> 00:52:45,202 - What do we do? What's the plan? - We're here to get some intel. 1034 00:52:45,370 --> 00:52:47,246 - "Intel"? - It’s short for "intelligence." 1035 00:52:47,414 --> 00:52:49,915 - I know what it stands for. - Then why did you ask? 1036 00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:52,459 [WHISPERING] Why are we talking about this? Let's split up. 1037 00:52:52,627 --> 00:52:56,422 In and out, in and out. We'll find something good, and we're in and out of here. 1038 00:52:56,590 --> 00:53:00,217 NICK: Stop chatting and start looking. - We're committing a crime. This is a crime. 1039 00:53:00,635 --> 00:53:02,219 Whoa. 1040 00:53:05,098 --> 00:53:07,099 - Nick. NICK: Yeah? 1041 00:53:07,267 --> 00:53:10,769 - Now, this would count as intel, right? - Holy shit, that's a lot of cocaine. 1042 00:53:10,937 --> 00:53:12,813 Have you ever seen this much cocaine? 1043 00:53:12,981 --> 00:53:15,107 That's gotta be worth, what, 10, 15,000...? 1044 00:53:16,568 --> 00:53:19,904 Oh, I blew it. I blew that, didn't I? 1045 00:53:21,489 --> 00:53:22,990 Hmm. 1046 00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:37,546 NICK: Don't inhale. - Grab the box. I'll scoop it in. 1047 00:53:37,714 --> 00:53:40,466 I really don't wanna touch it. I don't have sleeve-gloves. 1048 00:53:40,634 --> 00:53:42,968 Get something to... Ugh. I'll scoop it in. 1049 00:53:43,136 --> 00:53:44,386 So bitter. 1050 00:53:52,062 --> 00:53:53,812 Hmm. 1051 00:54:01,404 --> 00:54:04,156 In the butt you go, go, go. 1052 00:54:06,034 --> 00:54:07,743 There you go. 1053 00:54:07,953 --> 00:54:08,994 DALE: Big scoop. 1054 00:54:09,162 --> 00:54:11,205 All right, let me try this. Look out. 1055 00:54:11,373 --> 00:54:13,332 - Yeah, that better work. - Watch out. 1056 00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:15,668 DALE: There you go. 1057 00:54:15,835 --> 00:54:17,169 NICK: I don't know. DALE: Go slow. 1058 00:54:17,337 --> 00:54:20,881 Get on the couch. Stop helping. 1059 00:54:25,345 --> 00:54:27,346 All right. 1060 00:54:29,557 --> 00:54:30,933 In you go. 1061 00:54:31,101 --> 00:54:32,434 [CHUCKLES] 1062 00:54:33,228 --> 00:54:34,353 Ooh. 1063 00:54:40,902 --> 00:54:44,071 You probably should have emptied the DustBuster first. 1064 00:54:48,076 --> 00:54:49,159 Is that what you think? 1065 00:54:49,369 --> 00:54:51,745 I was thinking that. On account of the dust. 1066 00:54:54,624 --> 00:54:57,710 Well, I've heard of butt floss, but this is ridiculous. Ha, ha. 1067 00:54:57,877 --> 00:54:59,545 - Get a sifter, or a... - Colander. 1068 00:54:59,713 --> 00:55:01,755 Colander would be good. 1069 00:55:02,007 --> 00:55:04,008 And I'll start picking. 1070 00:55:05,051 --> 00:55:06,719 [SNIFFS] 1071 00:55:08,722 --> 00:55:10,347 That'll do. 1072 00:55:13,935 --> 00:55:17,438 I feel like everything'll work out. I'm like a machine. Look how fast I am. 1073 00:55:17,605 --> 00:55:19,898 I'm moving super-fast. I can't even feel my nose. 1074 00:55:20,066 --> 00:55:22,318 Wanna know what's weird? I should be panicking... 1075 00:55:22,485 --> 00:55:24,862 ...and I am a little, but it's in a very good way. 1076 00:55:25,030 --> 00:55:27,781 It's a good kind of panic because I feel like I wanna die... 1077 00:55:27,949 --> 00:55:30,242 ...but I also feel very, very, very good. - Yeah. 1078 00:55:30,410 --> 00:55:32,286 Hey! What are you guys doing? 1079 00:55:32,454 --> 00:55:35,080 Nothing. But before we go, I wanna take one more dump. 1080 00:55:35,248 --> 00:55:38,417 Take a dump and I'm gonna do push-ups. Because I gotta get fit. 1081 00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:40,794 What the hell have you guys done? 1082 00:55:40,962 --> 00:55:42,004 [DALE GRUNTS] 1083 00:55:42,172 --> 00:55:44,006 I'm feeling good, dude. Wanna help me clean? 1084 00:55:44,174 --> 00:55:46,175 We bond over this. This is friendship stuff. 1085 00:55:46,343 --> 00:55:49,803 We broke into someone's house. It's the most amazing experience of my life. 1086 00:55:49,971 --> 00:55:53,849 We broke into a man's house. Suddenly, I'm like an expert at sifting cocaine. 1087 00:55:54,017 --> 00:55:55,976 It's amazing. Come here and help me with this. 1088 00:55:56,394 --> 00:55:57,978 Can't believe we weren't prepared. 1089 00:55:58,146 --> 00:56:00,481 That was completely dangerous, a total waste of time. 1090 00:56:00,648 --> 00:56:04,068 Well, no. Actually, not a total waste of time. Look what I got. 1091 00:56:04,235 --> 00:56:05,611 - Not bad, huh? - What is that? 1092 00:56:05,779 --> 00:56:07,613 NICK: Is this his phone? KURT: That's his phone. 1093 00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:09,281 - You steal this? KURT: I sure did. 1094 00:56:09,449 --> 00:56:12,785 I got his contacts, schedule. Weird pictures of him doing awesome shit. 1095 00:56:12,952 --> 00:56:13,994 - Very nice. KURT: Thank you. 1096 00:56:14,162 --> 00:56:15,454 - No. - What do you mean, "no"? 1097 00:56:15,622 --> 00:56:18,665 That's a crime. Pfft. Nope. Ha. No one said we'd be stealing. 1098 00:56:18,833 --> 00:56:21,502 - This is a good grab. - We broke in! You guys did cocaine! 1099 00:56:21,669 --> 00:56:24,630 - Right. Two... Three crimes. - He's all jitzed out. Ignore him. 1100 00:56:24,798 --> 00:56:27,591 We're in the process of getting ready to kill three people... 1101 00:56:27,759 --> 00:56:30,135 ...and you're giving me shit about stealing a phone? 1102 00:56:30,303 --> 00:56:32,388 Run it by me if you'll be stealing stuff. 1103 00:56:32,555 --> 00:56:33,972 - Run it by you? - Run it by me! 1104 00:56:34,140 --> 00:56:37,226 - Nick, will you hold this for a second? - What are you doing? 1105 00:56:37,394 --> 00:56:39,812 "Run"? I'm not gonna run anything by you. 1106 00:56:39,979 --> 00:56:42,356 I'm not gonna run anything by you. Dickhead. 1107 00:56:42,524 --> 00:56:44,775 - There's a lot of stuff in here. - I know. 1108 00:56:44,943 --> 00:56:47,319 - Wanna go check out your boss now? - Yeah, I guess we should. 1109 00:56:47,487 --> 00:56:48,904 Okay, let's do it. 1110 00:56:49,447 --> 00:56:51,323 - Hold on. - You gotta take care of that. 1111 00:56:51,491 --> 00:56:53,951 DALE: No. No! 1112 00:56:54,619 --> 00:56:56,495 Get off me! Come on, hey! 1113 00:56:56,663 --> 00:56:59,498 KURT: You don't punch the driver! - I need you back here for the brakes. 1114 00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:03,544 Oh, shit, the brakes. I'm sorry, buddy. I'm sorry. Don't punch the driver, Dale! 1115 00:57:03,711 --> 00:57:05,337 I'm sorry I hit you! Get the wheel. 1116 00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:08,507 - You don't punch the driver! - You don't punch the fucking driver. 1117 00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:12,136 I'm coked out of my fucking brain. I'll punch whoever the fuck I want to. 1118 00:57:28,611 --> 00:57:30,612 Let's do this, guys. Feeling good. 1119 00:57:30,780 --> 00:57:33,449 - Be very quiet out there. - Calm down, Dale. 1120 00:57:33,616 --> 00:57:35,367 NICK: You know what? Hang on a second. 1121 00:57:35,535 --> 00:57:39,413 Dale? Dude, hold it. Last time the three of us did this, it was very messy. 1122 00:57:39,581 --> 00:57:41,874 - It was awesome, exciting. - It was clunky as hell. 1123 00:57:42,041 --> 00:57:46,044 Here's what we'll do. In the event that Harken is not here, just me and Kurt go in. 1124 00:57:46,212 --> 00:57:48,630 You'll stay out here, not go in, and be our lookout. 1125 00:57:48,798 --> 00:57:51,800 What? Are you kidding me? That's awesome. I love that. The lookout. 1126 00:57:51,968 --> 00:57:54,094 - I don't know what the guy looks like. - Doesn't matter. 1127 00:57:54,262 --> 00:57:57,389 You see anybody, just assume that it's Harken, send us a signal. 1128 00:57:57,557 --> 00:57:59,224 - Okay? Have a seat. - Okay. 1129 00:57:59,392 --> 00:58:03,061 Okay. Send a sig... I'm gonna honk the horn six times. 1130 00:58:03,229 --> 00:58:04,855 - Goddamn it. No. - Did he say "six"? 1131 00:58:05,023 --> 00:58:07,399 - Something much more subtle. - That's too many. 1132 00:58:07,567 --> 00:58:09,985 - More subtle? Four honks? - Can you honk once? 1133 00:58:10,153 --> 00:58:11,612 - Are you kidding? - Not at all. 1134 00:58:11,779 --> 00:58:14,239 People honk once all the time. You'll be in and out... 1135 00:58:14,407 --> 00:58:17,451 - We'll know it's you. - Come on, man. Dale, two honks. 1136 00:58:17,619 --> 00:58:20,829 That kind of tone's gonna get you nowhere. All right, two honks. 1137 00:58:20,997 --> 00:58:23,665 - Just two honks. A little tap, tap. - Okay. 1138 00:58:23,833 --> 00:58:28,253 Two very long, very slow honks. 1139 00:58:30,256 --> 00:58:33,509 - I'm gonna check this window over here. - Okay. 1140 00:58:37,305 --> 00:58:41,350 NICK: There's nothing on that side. - Yeah. I don't think there's anyone in there. 1141 00:58:41,893 --> 00:58:44,311 I think he's definitely out. 1142 00:58:44,854 --> 00:58:46,688 Maybe we can find a way in upstairs. 1143 00:58:47,232 --> 00:58:50,275 Yeah, or maybe there's a window open. 1144 00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:56,156 Or better yet... 1145 00:58:56,783 --> 00:58:58,283 That makes things easier, huh? 1146 00:58:58,451 --> 00:59:00,536 I like the way you think. Move. 1147 00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:02,621 - No, don't do that. Hey! God! - Oh, shit. 1148 00:59:03,164 --> 00:59:04,206 I broke a rock. 1149 00:59:04,374 --> 00:59:07,000 Please tell me you realize that was a key thingy. 1150 00:59:07,168 --> 00:59:10,212 KURT: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 1151 00:59:10,380 --> 00:59:12,631 You weren't gonna throw a rock through the door? 1152 00:59:12,799 --> 00:59:14,800 No, of course not. No, I wanted to open it. 1153 00:59:14,968 --> 00:59:17,177 Like a real cat burglar. 1154 00:59:19,472 --> 00:59:21,431 KURT: Wow. 1155 00:59:21,766 --> 00:59:23,850 NICK: Just recon, now, okay? 1156 00:59:24,018 --> 00:59:27,521 Hey, take this. I don't want it. I want my hands free. 1157 00:59:27,689 --> 00:59:29,481 You broke it. 1158 00:59:36,030 --> 00:59:37,072 I feel the intel... 1159 00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:38,282 [CAT SCREECHES] 1160 00:59:38,449 --> 00:59:39,950 NICK: God! - Okay, just a cat. 1161 00:59:40,118 --> 00:59:41,159 Out of nowhere. 1162 00:59:41,327 --> 00:59:44,830 Just a cat. We're all right. Let's look upstairs. Come on. 1163 00:59:45,373 --> 00:59:46,665 [SINGING] The call me hell 1164 00:59:46,833 --> 00:59:48,166 They call me Stacey 1165 00:59:48,334 --> 00:59:54,172 That's not my name That's not my name 1166 00:59:54,340 --> 00:59:55,465 They call me hell 1167 00:59:55,633 --> 00:59:56,800 They call me her 1168 00:59:56,968 --> 00:59:58,260 They call me hell 1169 00:59:58,428 --> 00:59:59,678 They call me Stacey 1170 00:59:59,846 --> 01:00:02,514 That's not my name That's not my name 1171 01:00:11,190 --> 01:00:12,357 [CAT SCREECHES] 1172 01:00:12,525 --> 01:00:14,234 Oh! Goddamn it. 1173 01:00:14,402 --> 01:00:16,069 Jesus, how many cats do they have? 1174 01:00:16,237 --> 01:00:18,363 - It's the same one, I think. Yeah. - Really? 1175 01:00:18,990 --> 01:00:20,866 Quick little bugger, huh? 1176 01:00:21,034 --> 01:00:22,075 Hey. 1177 01:00:22,243 --> 01:00:24,745 - Shit, is that Harken's wife? NICK: Yeah, that's her. 1178 01:00:24,912 --> 01:00:27,205 - Oh, man, she is hot. - She sure is. Here we go. 1179 01:00:27,373 --> 01:00:30,500 I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states. 1180 01:00:30,793 --> 01:00:33,545 - I don't know what that means. - Ah, it's a saying. 1181 01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:37,132 - I don't think so. - No, it is, it is. Yeah. No, people say that. 1182 01:00:37,300 --> 01:00:40,052 - I haven't heard it. - I've definitely heard people say that. 1183 01:00:40,219 --> 01:00:42,429 I'm not gonna argue. Let's continue the recon. 1184 01:00:42,597 --> 01:00:45,515 - Well, it's definitely a phrase. - It sure isn't. 1185 01:00:45,683 --> 01:00:48,894 Yeah, it is. It's from a book. The Great Gatsby, maybe? 1186 01:00:49,062 --> 01:00:52,856 Let's just look for an address book or a day planner or something. You know? 1187 01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:56,943 You know, it's too bad we're not looking for cats. These people fucking love cats. 1188 01:00:58,112 --> 01:00:59,821 [GAME CHARACTER YELLS] 1189 01:01:02,617 --> 01:01:04,284 [CHUCKLES] 1190 01:01:07,538 --> 01:01:09,414 [CHUCKLING] 1191 01:01:10,416 --> 01:01:12,501 [PANTING] 1192 01:01:19,258 --> 01:01:20,258 Hey, schmuckface. 1193 01:01:23,388 --> 01:01:27,766 You wanna tell me what you're doing littering on my street? 1194 01:01:27,934 --> 01:01:31,436 I think what happened, ahem, was that the wind blew it out of my hand. 1195 01:01:31,604 --> 01:01:33,939 I don't care if the wind blew it out of your twat. 1196 01:01:34,107 --> 01:01:38,276 Why don't you take this piece-of-shit car and get off my fucking block? 1197 01:01:38,444 --> 01:01:42,280 I don't know why you're mad at the car. I don't think we should get hostile now. 1198 01:01:42,448 --> 01:01:44,282 "Hostile"? You wanna see hostile? 1199 01:01:44,450 --> 01:01:46,118 How about I go in my house and I get my...? 1200 01:01:46,285 --> 01:01:47,327 [GASPING] 1201 01:01:47,495 --> 01:01:48,954 What are...? What's going on with you? 1202 01:01:50,206 --> 01:01:51,665 Peanuts. 1203 01:01:51,874 --> 01:01:53,625 "Penis"? 1204 01:01:54,252 --> 01:01:55,627 Oh, peanuts. 1205 01:01:55,795 --> 01:01:58,964 That was a peanut butter sandwich. Are you not good with peanuts? 1206 01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:01,967 What are you pointing at? What's going on? What's here? 1207 01:02:02,468 --> 01:02:04,469 Oh, I got it! What do I do? What do I do? 1208 01:02:04,971 --> 01:02:08,306 "Check the needle, pump back, pump..." Okay, hold on. I'm a slow reader. 1209 01:02:08,474 --> 01:02:09,975 "Hold the pump... " Okay, okay! 1210 01:02:10,143 --> 01:02:12,644 Jab it in your chest. Okay. I got you, dude. Ready? 1211 01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:15,981 [BOTH YELL] 1212 01:02:17,150 --> 01:02:18,358 How you feeling, you good? 1213 01:02:18,526 --> 01:02:20,819 You good? Did I get you? Did I get you? 1214 01:02:24,031 --> 01:02:27,242 Whoa. Whoa. Dude, come here. Hurry. 1215 01:02:27,410 --> 01:02:28,952 Look at this. 1216 01:02:29,871 --> 01:02:31,163 [GRUNTING] 1217 01:02:31,330 --> 01:02:33,999 - Is that Harken? Dale's killing Harken? - That's Harken? 1218 01:02:34,167 --> 01:02:36,001 I'm gonna hit you again, okay? 1219 01:02:37,003 --> 01:02:38,920 NICK: What is he doing? - He's really doing it? 1220 01:02:39,088 --> 01:02:41,381 - This is the recon stage. - Holy shit. 1221 01:02:41,549 --> 01:02:44,176 We gotta get out of here. Come on, we gotta go. Oh, God. 1222 01:02:47,346 --> 01:02:48,472 I'm pushing on it. Okay. 1223 01:02:48,639 --> 01:02:49,681 [HARKEN GROANING] 1224 01:02:49,849 --> 01:02:52,434 What about little jabs? Little jabs? 1225 01:02:52,643 --> 01:02:53,852 Do I get your neck? 1226 01:02:54,353 --> 01:02:55,729 [HARKEN YELLS] 1227 01:02:55,897 --> 01:02:57,439 DALE: Was that good? 1228 01:03:00,651 --> 01:03:02,277 Come on, man! 1229 01:03:02,445 --> 01:03:03,487 RHONDA: Oh, my God. 1230 01:03:03,696 --> 01:03:04,905 Hey, hey! Come here! 1231 01:03:05,072 --> 01:03:08,450 What's going on? What are you doing? What's happened? 1232 01:03:08,618 --> 01:03:11,203 I think he's okay! I hit him with this. Do you know him? 1233 01:03:11,370 --> 01:03:14,831 Of course, he's my husband. Sweetie? Honey? Sweetheart, are you okay? 1234 01:03:14,999 --> 01:03:17,292 [HARKEN MOANING AND RHONDA SHRIEKING] 1235 01:03:17,460 --> 01:03:20,128 - There he is. Hey. - Ah. What did you do to me? 1236 01:03:20,296 --> 01:03:23,256 I saved you with your thingy. It was incredible. 1237 01:03:23,424 --> 01:03:25,801 Oh, my God, sweetie. He saved your life. 1238 01:03:25,968 --> 01:03:27,052 You saved his life. 1239 01:03:27,887 --> 01:03:29,429 Okay. That's cool. 1240 01:03:29,597 --> 01:03:31,640 - What's with the hugging? - Saved your life! 1241 01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:36,311 Oh, sweetie, I am just so grateful that he was here. You could have died. 1242 01:03:36,479 --> 01:03:38,814 - I'm sure you are grateful he's here. - Yes, I am. 1243 01:03:38,981 --> 01:03:40,774 - You know this guy? - No, I don't. 1244 01:03:40,942 --> 01:03:44,277 Are you fucking this guy? What were you doing, waiting to fuck my wife? 1245 01:03:44,445 --> 01:03:47,197 Dude, I just met your wife. You want your thing back? 1246 01:03:49,367 --> 01:03:51,243 - You better get out of here. - No problem. 1247 01:03:51,410 --> 01:03:53,578 Dave. Dave, what are you...? Honey? 1248 01:03:53,746 --> 01:03:57,499 Honey, you should be thanking this young man. Why are you being so suspicious? 1249 01:03:57,667 --> 01:03:59,501 HARKEN: Why? You know why I'm being suspicious. 1250 01:03:59,669 --> 01:04:01,127 Because I know you sleep around on me. 1251 01:04:01,295 --> 01:04:02,337 [HORN HONKS TWICE] 1252 01:04:02,505 --> 01:04:03,547 RHONDA: That's ridiculous. 1253 01:04:03,714 --> 01:04:05,173 What about the way you look at Maurilio? 1254 01:04:07,593 --> 01:04:10,470 You realize we're all going to jail because of that idiot? 1255 01:04:10,638 --> 01:04:13,682 Man, I can't go to jail. Look at me. I'll get raped like crazy. 1256 01:04:13,850 --> 01:04:15,100 Fuck, me too. 1257 01:04:16,352 --> 01:04:18,103 Yeah, totally. 1258 01:04:19,021 --> 01:04:21,231 I'd get raped just as much as you would, Kurt. 1259 01:04:21,399 --> 01:04:23,650 - Do you think you're more rape-able? - I'm not saying that. 1260 01:04:23,818 --> 01:04:24,860 [TIRES SCREECH] 1261 01:04:25,027 --> 01:04:27,195 - You're pretty close to saying... - Oh, fuck. 1262 01:04:32,535 --> 01:04:33,785 [LAUGHING] 1263 01:04:33,953 --> 01:04:36,454 Holy shit. Did you guys see me out there? 1264 01:04:36,622 --> 01:04:38,123 Yeah, we saw you, Dale. 1265 01:04:38,291 --> 01:04:40,250 Shh. Yeah, we saw that. 1266 01:04:40,418 --> 01:04:41,668 How cool was that? 1267 01:04:41,836 --> 01:04:44,629 It wasn't cool at all. We come out to gather information... 1268 01:04:44,797 --> 01:04:48,049 ...and you start stabbing Harken to death in front of the neighborhood? 1269 01:04:48,217 --> 01:04:50,468 - Harken? - Who'd you think you were stabbing? 1270 01:04:50,636 --> 01:04:51,803 I wasn't stabbing anyone. 1271 01:04:51,971 --> 01:04:55,640 He had an allergic reaction to some peanuts and I rescued him, know what I mean? 1272 01:04:55,808 --> 01:04:57,809 He had a little allergy shot on him and I... 1273 01:04:58,019 --> 01:05:01,062 I mean, I jabbed him with that, but I was just saving his life. 1274 01:05:01,230 --> 01:05:02,981 - Saved a man's life. NICK: Hang on a second. 1275 01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:05,734 So my boss, who we're thinking about planning to kill... 1276 01:05:05,902 --> 01:05:08,403 ...is dying in front of you and you saved his life? 1277 01:05:08,571 --> 01:05:10,989 Well, that sounds bad when you say it like that. 1278 01:05:11,157 --> 01:05:13,450 - Can you open the door? - That's not cool. 1279 01:05:13,618 --> 01:05:16,161 - But I didn't know it was Harken. NICK: Hit the button. 1280 01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:18,580 This is why I need to know what people look like. 1281 01:05:18,748 --> 01:05:20,415 You're mad at me for killing him... 1282 01:05:20,583 --> 01:05:22,542 Can we give him a time-out? For one second. 1283 01:05:22,710 --> 01:05:24,961 Make up your fucking mind. It's like... 1284 01:05:25,129 --> 01:05:26,171 What is this? 1285 01:05:26,339 --> 01:05:28,673 You gotta admit we got some good intel tonight. 1286 01:05:28,841 --> 01:05:32,218 Harken is allergic to peanuts and Pellit's got a huge stash of cocaine. 1287 01:05:32,386 --> 01:05:33,678 Are you playing this game? 1288 01:05:33,846 --> 01:05:38,016 So all we gotta do is figure a way to get peanuts somewhere into Harken's house... 1289 01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:40,101 ...and put some poison in Pellit's coke. 1290 01:05:40,269 --> 01:05:43,396 It's easy for someone to think Pellit got a bad batch of cocaine. 1291 01:05:43,564 --> 01:05:46,691 You seriously locking me out of the car like we're in 8th grade? 1292 01:05:46,859 --> 01:05:49,569 What about Harken? Probably always got that injector thing. 1293 01:05:49,737 --> 01:05:51,112 Doesn't shower with it. 1294 01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:53,573 So then we'll put some peanuts inside his shampoo. 1295 01:05:53,783 --> 01:05:56,451 A couple of fatal accidents we're not even there for. 1296 01:05:56,619 --> 01:05:59,162 - Motherfucker Jones would be so proud. - Yeah, he would. 1297 01:05:59,330 --> 01:06:01,998 - Getting old. - What do you do about dummy's boss? 1298 01:06:02,166 --> 01:06:04,793 I'll stake her out tomorrow and get to the bottom of it. 1299 01:06:04,961 --> 01:06:07,837 DALE: A man has his limits. - That left a fucking dent. 1300 01:06:10,216 --> 01:06:11,967 Get him fucking home. 1301 01:06:12,134 --> 01:06:16,221 Very funny. That was very funny, guys. 1302 01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:18,890 We have one thing to figure out, if you can help us. 1303 01:06:19,058 --> 01:06:22,394 If Nick and I were in prison, who do you think would get raped more? 1304 01:06:23,229 --> 01:06:24,437 Nick. 1305 01:06:24,605 --> 01:06:27,565 Really? Why? 1306 01:06:27,817 --> 01:06:30,860 It's about weakness and vulnerability. It's not a looks thing. 1307 01:06:31,028 --> 01:06:32,237 It probably would be Nick. 1308 01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:35,615 DALE: Getting locked out of the car is bullshit, man. 1309 01:07:19,994 --> 01:07:21,911 That's an awesome deal. 1310 01:07:27,710 --> 01:07:30,795 Jesus, Dale. It's a murder, not a cocktail party. 1311 01:07:30,963 --> 01:07:33,381 I know. You don't have to announce that to the world. 1312 01:07:33,549 --> 01:07:36,551 There was a great deal on nuts. I'm not gonna pass up on savings. 1313 01:07:36,719 --> 01:07:37,927 Okay, so this is it. 1314 01:07:38,095 --> 01:07:42,307 I'm doing Pellit, you're gonna do Harken, and you'll get some intel from Julia, right? 1315 01:07:42,558 --> 01:07:45,060 - Copy that. - Okay. See you on the other side. 1316 01:08:15,466 --> 01:08:16,883 KURT: Okay. 1317 01:08:21,472 --> 01:08:23,348 BOBBY: Thank you, Kimmy. KIMMY: You're welcome. 1318 01:08:24,058 --> 01:08:25,100 BOBBY: That was great. 1319 01:08:25,267 --> 01:08:27,560 KIMMY: See you next time. - Yeah. 1320 01:08:27,728 --> 01:08:31,106 - Thank you, Bill. BILL: Thank you, Bobby. 1321 01:08:38,906 --> 01:08:40,532 KURT: What? 1322 01:08:41,158 --> 01:08:42,450 Whew. 1323 01:08:43,369 --> 01:08:44,369 Oh. 1324 01:08:46,038 --> 01:08:47,747 [KURT CHUCKLES] 1325 01:08:50,543 --> 01:08:51,543 [CELL PHONE BUZZES] 1326 01:08:51,710 --> 01:08:53,044 Shit. 1327 01:08:54,797 --> 01:08:56,714 - Hey. NICK: How's it going over there? 1328 01:08:57,049 --> 01:09:00,218 - What do you know about Julia? KURT: I learned I gotta switch dentists... 1329 01:09:00,386 --> 01:09:02,387 ...because this woman is unbelievably hot. 1330 01:09:02,555 --> 01:09:05,723 - How's it going over there? - Uh, it's... 1331 01:09:06,058 --> 01:09:10,562 Just I'm waiting for, you know, Pellit to sleep or leave or... 1332 01:09:10,729 --> 01:09:13,189 Just... Just waiting. 1333 01:09:13,357 --> 01:09:16,067 Wonder what, uh, Dale's doing with Harken. 1334 01:09:16,235 --> 01:09:17,986 NOAH [ON VIDEO]: It's gonna be really hard. 1335 01:09:18,154 --> 01:09:21,990 And we'll have to work at this every day, but I wanna do that because I want you. 1336 01:09:22,158 --> 01:09:25,493 I want all of you forever, you and me, every day... 1337 01:09:25,661 --> 01:09:27,412 [ALLIE CHUCKLES ON VIDEO] 1338 01:09:30,833 --> 01:09:32,292 [SNIFFS] 1339 01:09:41,051 --> 01:09:43,261 [CARL DOUGLAS' "KUNG FU FIGHTING" PLAYING ON CELL PHONE] 1340 01:09:43,429 --> 01:09:50,268 Everybody was kung-fu fighting 1341 01:09:52,354 --> 01:09:53,938 HARKEN: Give me that. 1342 01:09:54,106 --> 01:09:55,857 Give it to me. 1343 01:10:14,335 --> 01:10:18,296 Jesus. Where does this guy get the energy? 1344 01:10:21,550 --> 01:10:23,134 Oh, yeah. 1345 01:10:37,358 --> 01:10:38,733 [CAT SCREECHES] 1346 01:10:39,568 --> 01:10:41,319 [PANTING] 1347 01:10:41,487 --> 01:10:43,529 What the fuck was that? 1348 01:10:49,995 --> 01:11:01,172 Okay. Okay. 1349 01:11:01,340 --> 01:11:03,132 [CELL PHONE BUZZES] 1350 01:11:06,303 --> 01:11:09,180 - Yeah, Dale? - I don't think I can do this. 1351 01:11:09,890 --> 01:11:12,684 Look, I know you really hate Harken but... 1352 01:11:13,560 --> 01:11:15,395 ...l don't think I can go through with it. 1353 01:11:15,562 --> 01:11:16,604 NICK: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1354 01:11:16,772 --> 01:11:19,857 I know. I've been thinking the same thing. 1355 01:11:20,025 --> 01:11:22,568 DALE: Yeah, let's just call it off. - What the fuck? 1356 01:11:22,736 --> 01:11:24,862 - What? - [WHISPERING] It's Harken. He's here. 1357 01:11:25,030 --> 01:11:26,114 DALE: He's at Pellit's? Why? 1358 01:11:26,282 --> 01:11:28,783 I don't know. He's walking right up to the front door. 1359 01:11:29,201 --> 01:11:31,995 - You think he's onto us? - How the fuck do I know? 1360 01:11:32,413 --> 01:11:34,372 BOBBY: Knock a little louder? 1361 01:11:34,540 --> 01:11:35,540 What? What? 1362 01:11:35,708 --> 01:11:37,375 ["KUNG FU FIGHTING" PLAYING ON CELL PHONE] 1363 01:11:38,252 --> 01:11:41,254 Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, Harken just shot Pellit. 1364 01:11:41,422 --> 01:11:42,797 DALE: Are you sure? 1365 01:11:42,965 --> 01:11:46,342 Holy shit. Pellit opened up the door, Harken shot him in the chest... 1366 01:11:46,510 --> 01:11:48,678 ...he fell down, he shot him again in the head. 1367 01:11:48,846 --> 01:11:52,390 DALE: He shot him? Wait, what's going on? I don't understand. He shot him? 1368 01:11:52,558 --> 01:11:54,600 Nick? Say something. Nick, say something. 1369 01:11:54,768 --> 01:11:57,979 Nick! Nick, Nick, talk to me. Nick, what's happening? 1370 01:11:58,147 --> 01:11:59,230 What's going on? 1371 01:11:59,398 --> 01:12:01,899 - How's Pellit doing? - Still pretty fucking dead, Dale. 1372 01:12:09,158 --> 01:12:13,077 I gotta get out of here before somebody sees me. Meet me at the bar. I'll call Kurt. 1373 01:12:13,245 --> 01:12:14,662 Yeah. I'll meet you there. 1374 01:12:14,830 --> 01:12:18,750 I might throw up a couple times in the toilet here, but then I'll meet you there. 1375 01:12:21,128 --> 01:12:22,211 Oh. 1376 01:12:22,379 --> 01:12:23,671 Oh, Toyota. 1377 01:12:30,054 --> 01:12:32,055 [TIRES SCREECHING AND HORNS HONKING] 1378 01:12:34,725 --> 01:12:36,434 Stay calm. We'll figure this out. 1379 01:12:36,602 --> 01:12:38,603 "Calm"? I saw a guy get shot an hour ago. 1380 01:12:38,771 --> 01:12:42,273 - I know. A guy you were gonna kill anyway. - Listen, I don't know about that. 1381 01:12:42,441 --> 01:12:44,108 - What? - Don't know if I had it in me. 1382 01:12:44,276 --> 01:12:46,361 I freaked out and panicked, got out of there. 1383 01:12:46,528 --> 01:12:48,946 Are you kidding? You can't change a plan like this... 1384 01:12:49,114 --> 01:12:50,156 I'm not a murderer. 1385 01:12:50,324 --> 01:12:53,326 You think when it came down to it, you'd be able to kill Julia? 1386 01:12:53,494 --> 01:12:57,330 I don't know. Maybe you're right. It is a little hard to imagine killing her now. 1387 01:12:57,498 --> 01:13:00,625 - "Now"? DALE: Wait, what does that mean? 1388 01:13:00,793 --> 01:13:02,377 - Did you sleep with her? - No, no. 1389 01:13:02,544 --> 01:13:04,962 DALE: Tell me you didn't sleep with her. - You're a mess. 1390 01:13:05,130 --> 01:13:07,382 But this time it wasn't my fault, I swear to God. 1391 01:13:07,549 --> 01:13:09,926 You will be a suspect if you try and kill her now. 1392 01:13:10,094 --> 01:13:13,137 At first I was surveilling her, like I was asked to do. 1393 01:13:13,305 --> 01:13:17,475 - She's incredibly hot, by the way. So hot. - Don't talk about how hot she is, bastard. 1394 01:13:17,643 --> 01:13:19,811 Next thing, she starts deliberately undressing. 1395 01:13:19,978 --> 01:13:21,020 NICK: Come on. 1396 01:13:21,188 --> 01:13:23,147 KURT: In front of her window with the lights on. 1397 01:13:23,315 --> 01:13:25,733 - Like she knew I was watching. DALE: "Deliberately undressed"? 1398 01:13:25,901 --> 01:13:28,027 KURT: Slowly, seductively, lot of shoulder moves... 1399 01:13:28,195 --> 01:13:30,071 ...is clearly putting on a show. 1400 01:13:30,239 --> 01:13:33,157 - Next she makes herself a little snack. NICK: She have a nice chest? 1401 01:13:33,325 --> 01:13:34,325 KURT: A Popsicle. 1402 01:13:34,493 --> 01:13:36,077 - Then a banana. DALE: Come on. 1403 01:13:36,245 --> 01:13:39,789 - And finally, a hot dog. I mean, come on. DALE: Now I don't believe your story. 1404 01:13:39,957 --> 01:13:42,834 Three penis-shaped foods, that can't be a coincidence, right? 1405 01:13:43,001 --> 01:13:45,586 Eating them in that weird order? Not a proper meal. 1406 01:13:45,754 --> 01:13:46,838 It's cold to hot. 1407 01:13:47,005 --> 01:13:49,882 Fine. So you took the penis foods as an invitation to fuck her. 1408 01:13:50,050 --> 01:13:53,845 KURT: No, no. God, no. I took her invitation to fuck her as an invitation to fuck her. 1409 01:13:54,054 --> 01:13:56,305 She lured me in. It was like one of these things. 1410 01:13:56,473 --> 01:13:59,016 NICK: Something clinically wrong with you. DALE: You're a whore. 1411 01:13:59,184 --> 01:14:02,019 KURT: Come on. That's not nice, okay? Look, your problem's solved. 1412 01:14:02,187 --> 01:14:03,688 She won't mess with you anymore. 1413 01:14:03,856 --> 01:14:06,482 Can we move on? Let's talk about what happened to Pellit. 1414 01:14:06,650 --> 01:14:10,319 All right, okay. Let me think. Okay, here's what I'm thinking. Here's my idea. 1415 01:14:10,487 --> 01:14:12,864 We call the cops with an anonymous tip. All right? 1416 01:14:13,031 --> 01:14:15,074 We tell them Harken killed Pellit. Boom. 1417 01:14:15,242 --> 01:14:18,703 Harken's in jail, Pellit's in hell, Julia's had the crazy fucked out of her... 1418 01:14:18,871 --> 01:14:21,038 ...and all three of us have our problems solved. 1419 01:14:21,206 --> 01:14:23,458 It could work. An anonymous tip, that's not bad. 1420 01:14:23,625 --> 01:14:24,667 KURT: Mm-hm. 1421 01:14:24,835 --> 01:14:27,753 Gotta be from a pay phone, though, so it's not traced back to us. 1422 01:14:27,921 --> 01:14:30,965 - Exactly. - Good. Let's take my car. Let's do it. 1423 01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:34,677 All right. Where do you even find a pay phone these days? 1424 01:14:34,845 --> 01:14:36,804 There's a ton at the bus station for sure. 1425 01:14:36,972 --> 01:14:39,765 Oh, yeah, I guess that's a good point. Maybe the mall. 1426 01:14:39,933 --> 01:14:41,392 What is this? 1427 01:14:41,768 --> 01:14:44,562 - What is this? - Is that for us? 1428 01:14:44,730 --> 01:14:46,856 - What? - Oh, shit. 1429 01:14:53,238 --> 01:14:54,447 [WINDOW MOVES DOWN] 1430 01:14:54,615 --> 01:14:56,407 OFFICER WILKENS: All the way down. 1431 01:14:57,826 --> 01:14:59,410 Right there. 1432 01:15:01,121 --> 01:15:04,832 - Are you the owner of this vehicle? - I own it. Yup. 1433 01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:10,421 We got an APB on a gray Toyota Prius, license 2-Whiskey-Alpha-Quincy-2-3-3. 1434 01:15:10,589 --> 01:15:11,797 - How come? - Hang on, man. 1435 01:15:11,965 --> 01:15:13,925 - Did I talk to you? - No. 1436 01:15:14,384 --> 01:15:17,094 That's this car. Tell me how I can help. 1437 01:15:17,262 --> 01:15:20,306 A traffic cam caught this car fleeing the scene of a crime tonight. 1438 01:15:20,474 --> 01:15:23,935 - Would you know anything about that? - I don't know why it would do that. 1439 01:15:24,394 --> 01:15:27,355 I mean, I don't know. What happened? 1440 01:15:27,523 --> 01:15:29,565 - Have you been drinking? - No. 1441 01:15:29,900 --> 01:15:31,108 I smell alcohol. 1442 01:15:31,276 --> 01:15:33,486 - This guy and the mouth in the back. - That's me. 1443 01:15:34,780 --> 01:15:36,948 I'm gonna need you to follow us to the station. 1444 01:15:37,115 --> 01:15:38,241 KURT: Officer. 1445 01:15:38,659 --> 01:15:39,784 My man. 1446 01:15:41,870 --> 01:15:45,957 I cannot believe I let you talk me into this whole thing. I cannot believe it. 1447 01:15:46,124 --> 01:15:48,209 Are you kidding me? We were being hypothetical. 1448 01:15:48,377 --> 01:15:50,753 - Being hypothetical? - You're the one that pushed us into it. 1449 01:15:50,921 --> 01:15:52,713 [NICK AND DALE MIMICKING CROWS] 1450 01:15:52,881 --> 01:15:53,965 [KURT BARKS] 1451 01:15:54,132 --> 01:15:55,633 Well, don't bark. 1452 01:15:56,635 --> 01:15:58,928 - You know we're dead, right? - Why? 1453 01:15:59,096 --> 01:16:01,305 Because they know everything. Cops are smart. 1454 01:16:01,473 --> 01:16:03,808 You realize we can't even mention Harken now? 1455 01:16:03,976 --> 01:16:05,309 - Yeah, I know. DALE: Shit, dude. 1456 01:16:05,477 --> 01:16:08,229 - Wait, why? - It was supposed to be an anonymous tip. 1457 01:16:08,397 --> 01:16:09,689 - Yeah, so? - Come on, man. 1458 01:16:09,856 --> 01:16:13,067 Should I just tell them the only reason I know about Harken is... 1459 01:16:17,864 --> 01:16:20,324 So should I just say that the only reason I know about Harken... 1460 01:16:20,492 --> 01:16:23,202 ...is because I was parked in front of your dead boss's house? 1461 01:16:23,370 --> 01:16:25,663 You were at the scene of the crime. It was bad then. 1462 01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:29,584 You kind of fled the scene of a crime. That's actually a crime in and of itself. 1463 01:16:29,751 --> 01:16:32,169 Shouldn't have done that. I'm the one that hasn't done anything. 1464 01:16:32,337 --> 01:16:34,463 - You broke into two people's houses. - So you broke into a house. 1465 01:16:34,631 --> 01:16:37,008 I followed you into a house after you broke into it. 1466 01:16:37,175 --> 01:16:39,093 - You stole a BlackBerry. KURT: You did cocaine. 1467 01:16:39,261 --> 01:16:41,053 I accidentally inhaled some cocaine. 1468 01:16:41,221 --> 01:16:44,515 - What are you gonna do, rat me out? - Maybe I will rat you out. What do you think? 1469 01:16:44,683 --> 01:16:46,517 - You gonna rat me out too? DALE: I could. 1470 01:16:46,685 --> 01:16:48,853 You stole a BlackBerry. You fled a crime. You raped my boss. 1471 01:16:49,021 --> 01:16:51,564 - I did not rape her. - I'll climb over and kick your ass! 1472 01:16:51,732 --> 01:16:54,900 - Wanna see what happens? - Hey! Gentlemen. Gentlemen! 1473 01:16:55,068 --> 01:16:56,777 - Right this way. - Yeah, let's do it. Come on. 1474 01:16:56,945 --> 01:16:58,529 Let's go in there. Let's go. Let's do it. 1475 01:16:58,739 --> 01:17:02,783 Do you wanna explain why you were doing 61 in a 25 zone... 1476 01:17:02,951 --> 01:17:05,161 ...one block from the victim's house... 1477 01:17:05,329 --> 01:17:07,496 ...just moments after he got shot dead? 1478 01:17:09,082 --> 01:17:10,333 I was drag racing. 1479 01:17:11,501 --> 01:17:14,253 - I'm a drag racer. - You were drag racing? 1480 01:17:14,588 --> 01:17:15,671 Mm. 1481 01:17:16,381 --> 01:17:17,882 In a Prius? 1482 01:17:21,303 --> 01:17:22,386 I don't win a lot. 1483 01:17:22,554 --> 01:17:24,889 Here's what I don't understand. 1484 01:17:25,057 --> 01:17:27,266 You were at the crime scene. 1485 01:17:27,434 --> 01:17:31,729 Hour later we find the car. You happened to be hanging with this freaky motherfucker. 1486 01:17:31,897 --> 01:17:34,732 - A registered sex offender. - It was an empty playground. 1487 01:17:34,900 --> 01:17:39,028 And this guy. Who happens to be working for Pellit Chemicals, the victim's company. 1488 01:17:39,488 --> 01:17:40,905 What? 1489 01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:43,491 My boss was murdered? 1490 01:17:44,368 --> 01:17:49,747 Oh, wow. What were you doing at his house, Nick? Why were you there? 1491 01:17:50,749 --> 01:17:53,250 Where were you during the murder? 1492 01:17:53,919 --> 01:17:57,797 I was making love. I was making love to a woman. 1493 01:17:57,964 --> 01:18:00,091 Yeah. Murdering some ass. 1494 01:18:01,426 --> 01:18:04,011 - Detectives... KURT: No, uh, I have a question. 1495 01:18:04,179 --> 01:18:06,847 If one of us knew, you know, who the shooter was... 1496 01:18:07,015 --> 01:18:11,352 ...and he was willing to serve you that perp on a platter... 1497 01:18:12,020 --> 01:18:15,481 ...he would be entitled to some sort of immunity, right? 1498 01:18:15,649 --> 01:18:18,484 No. He would be entitled to some jail time. 1499 01:18:18,985 --> 01:18:21,487 If he knew who the shooter was and didn't tell us... 1500 01:18:21,655 --> 01:18:23,531 ...that would be obstruction of justice. 1501 01:18:23,782 --> 01:18:25,616 Glad none of us know who the shooter is. 1502 01:18:25,784 --> 01:18:30,871 Listen, if you think we're gonna believe that this is all just a big coincidence... 1503 01:18:31,039 --> 01:18:33,207 ...we're gonna be here for a long time. 1504 01:18:35,043 --> 01:18:40,089 Okay, wait. By saying "we're gonna be here for a long time"... 1505 01:18:40,716 --> 01:18:43,509 ...you're implying that we're not allowed to leave... 1506 01:18:43,677 --> 01:18:47,304 ...which would only be the case if we were under arrest. Are we under arrest? 1507 01:18:47,597 --> 01:18:50,474 No. We just brought you in for questioning. 1508 01:18:51,435 --> 01:18:54,145 Well, then, ipso facto... 1509 01:18:54,312 --> 01:18:57,648 ...you don't have sufficient evidence... 1510 01:18:57,816 --> 01:19:00,651 ...constituting probable cause for an arrest warrant. 1511 01:19:00,819 --> 01:19:01,819 Not yet. 1512 01:19:01,987 --> 01:19:06,490 Well, uh, then, pursuant to the Fourth Amendment... 1513 01:19:07,492 --> 01:19:10,953 ...l believe we are free to go. Are we not? 1514 01:19:11,580 --> 01:19:12,997 Yeah, technically. Yeah. 1515 01:19:14,040 --> 01:19:16,000 Technically is good enough for me. 1516 01:19:16,168 --> 01:19:19,003 Gentlemen, ahem, we are free men. 1517 01:19:19,504 --> 01:19:21,005 Let's go. 1518 01:19:21,173 --> 01:19:23,257 We gotta get back to your car. Keep moving. 1519 01:19:23,425 --> 01:19:25,885 We get a cab? Take the train? What do you wanna do? 1520 01:19:26,052 --> 01:19:29,722 - You ever been on a subway in this town? - Pretty great. Where'd that come from? 1521 01:19:29,890 --> 01:19:32,683 Law & Order, okay? You can learn stuff watching Law & Order. 1522 01:19:32,851 --> 01:19:34,685 - We showed them, huh? - We did show them. 1523 01:19:34,853 --> 01:19:36,353 You were about to turn us in. 1524 01:19:36,521 --> 01:19:38,939 There was a few conversations about ratting each other out... 1525 01:19:39,107 --> 01:19:40,691 ...but it was gonna be fine. 1526 01:19:40,859 --> 01:19:42,109 Hold on. 1527 01:19:42,277 --> 01:19:45,070 That's for you, hotshot. Speeding and running a red light. 1528 01:19:45,947 --> 01:19:48,073 You boys don't get too comfortable out there. 1529 01:19:48,241 --> 01:19:53,370 Our forensics team is sweeping the Pellit house right now for DNA and fingerprints. 1530 01:19:53,705 --> 01:19:56,540 And I'll tell you something. They don't miss shit. 1531 01:20:01,213 --> 01:20:03,297 KURT: In the butt you go, go, go. 1532 01:20:05,050 --> 01:20:07,384 Why would you put his whole bathroom in your ass?! 1533 01:20:07,552 --> 01:20:11,555 - I didn't I know I had DNA in my butt. - Lying! You know there's DNA in your butt. 1534 01:20:11,723 --> 01:20:14,225 You just like shoving shit in your ass, you fucking pervert! 1535 01:20:14,392 --> 01:20:16,185 We are lawyering up, men. That's it. 1536 01:20:16,353 --> 01:20:20,314 I don't have money for a lawyer. I bought a very expensive ring I can't afford... 1537 01:20:20,482 --> 01:20:23,400 ...then I gave the rest of my motherfucking money to Motherfucker Jones. 1538 01:20:23,568 --> 01:20:25,194 That's who we should talk to. 1539 01:20:25,362 --> 01:20:27,196 He's covered us this far, right? Five grand? 1540 01:20:27,364 --> 01:20:29,365 Five thousand forty with the briefcase. 1541 01:20:29,574 --> 01:20:31,826 - Shut up about that! - Shut up about the briefcase. 1542 01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:33,744 [RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 1543 01:20:34,621 --> 01:20:37,039 Excuse me. Excuse me. Da-da-da. 1544 01:20:37,207 --> 01:20:40,709 - Hello, Motherfucker. - Hey, look who's back. Look who's back. 1545 01:20:40,877 --> 01:20:43,712 Whatever happened to that, uh, Strangers on a Train shit? 1546 01:20:43,880 --> 01:20:45,548 Didn't work out. We need your help. 1547 01:20:45,715 --> 01:20:48,551 One of our intended victims killed the other intended victim. 1548 01:20:48,718 --> 01:20:50,302 - Shut the fuck up. - It’s gone bad. 1549 01:20:50,470 --> 01:20:52,346 You guys are some fucking evil geniuses. 1550 01:20:52,514 --> 01:20:55,975 Thank you, but we had nothing to do with it. We don't know why it happened. 1551 01:20:56,142 --> 01:20:57,685 The cops bring us in as suspects. 1552 01:20:57,853 --> 01:21:01,564 Kurt's DNA's all over the apartment because he shoved a toothbrush up his ass. 1553 01:21:01,731 --> 01:21:04,275 KURT: That's not the point. - I'm giving him the whole story. 1554 01:21:04,442 --> 01:21:06,569 I got you. First thing first, we gotta handle business. 1555 01:21:06,736 --> 01:21:08,279 KURT: Mm-hm. 1556 01:21:08,780 --> 01:21:11,532 - I need $5000. - There's gonna be no more money. 1557 01:21:11,700 --> 01:21:13,284 - Two thousand? - Absolutely not. 1558 01:21:13,451 --> 01:21:16,579 No way, Motherfucker. No. 1559 01:21:17,455 --> 01:21:19,415 All right, look, pay for my drinks. 1560 01:21:19,583 --> 01:21:21,125 - Pay for his drink. - I'll do that. 1561 01:21:21,293 --> 01:21:22,793 Not a very good negotiator. 1562 01:21:22,961 --> 01:21:26,046 The guy that killed the other guy, are the cops after him? 1563 01:21:26,214 --> 01:21:28,048 No, no, they don't suspect him. 1564 01:21:28,216 --> 01:21:30,134 Then this is what you need to do: 1565 01:21:30,427 --> 01:21:34,805 Get him to confess to the murder while you're wearing a wire. 1566 01:21:34,973 --> 01:21:36,640 A wire? We can do that. That's easy. 1567 01:21:36,808 --> 01:21:39,977 That how they got you when you murdered somebody? 1568 01:21:44,190 --> 01:21:46,275 - I ain't never murder nobody. - I'm sorry? 1569 01:21:46,526 --> 01:21:48,360 I never murdered anybody. 1570 01:21:48,528 --> 01:21:51,488 Wait, no. You said you did a dime for some pretty nasty shit. 1571 01:21:51,656 --> 01:21:54,909 It was some nasty shit, but does that mean I murdered somebody? 1572 01:21:55,076 --> 01:21:56,118 You implied it. 1573 01:21:56,286 --> 01:21:58,495 You didn't murder someone, what'd you do? 1574 01:21:59,164 --> 01:22:01,248 All right, listen, get in here. 1575 01:22:04,044 --> 01:22:06,670 You guys ever see the movie Snow Falling on Cedars? 1576 01:22:06,838 --> 01:22:07,838 No. 1577 01:22:08,006 --> 01:22:09,673 - Never seen that. - I love that movie. 1578 01:22:09,841 --> 01:22:13,636 What happened was is that I took a video camera into the movie and I bootleg it. 1579 01:22:13,803 --> 01:22:16,263 They was waiting right outside the exit. They got me. 1580 01:22:16,431 --> 01:22:18,474 - You did 10 years for video piracy? - Yeah. 1581 01:22:18,642 --> 01:22:21,352 - They take that shit so serious, man. - Not that seriously. 1582 01:22:21,519 --> 01:22:23,103 We've been taking murder advice... 1583 01:22:23,271 --> 01:22:26,440 ...from some guy whose biggest crime is taping an Ethan Hawke movie. 1584 01:22:26,608 --> 01:22:29,026 - So you do know the movie. - I know who's in it. 1585 01:22:29,194 --> 01:22:33,113 Everyone knows the movie. That's not the point. You tricked us, Motherfuck... 1586 01:22:33,281 --> 01:22:37,868 Hang on a second, something doesn't stack up quite right with this, all right? 1587 01:22:38,036 --> 01:22:42,331 So you just call yourself a video pirate, right? Pirating the high seas of videocy? 1588 01:22:42,499 --> 01:22:45,000 Why do you carry a gun on you, Mr. Video Pirate? 1589 01:22:45,168 --> 01:22:46,669 - A gun? - Yeah. 1590 01:22:46,836 --> 01:22:48,963 - I don't wanna see it. - It’s my cell phone. 1591 01:22:50,048 --> 01:22:53,133 - It's a Sidekick. I'm gonna be in the car. KURT: Oh, shit. 1592 01:22:53,301 --> 01:22:57,388 You grab at it like a gun and you confuse people. Goddamn it, I feel like a moron. 1593 01:22:57,555 --> 01:22:59,223 - Let's go. - You are a moron. 1594 01:22:59,641 --> 01:23:04,228 Look, you don't go into a bar and hand a guy $5000 just because he black. 1595 01:23:04,396 --> 01:23:06,605 DALE: it was never a black-white thing. - No, come on. 1596 01:23:06,773 --> 01:23:08,732 Let's go. Come on. Dale. 1597 01:23:08,900 --> 01:23:10,901 Y'all motherfuckers crazy. 1598 01:23:21,287 --> 01:23:23,038 NICK: Okay. 1599 01:23:23,206 --> 01:23:24,373 Looks pretty quiet, yeah? 1600 01:23:24,541 --> 01:23:28,836 Yeah, it does. Okay, tape recorder's ready to roll, I got some fresh batteries in here. 1601 01:23:29,004 --> 01:23:32,923 It was a pretty big investment so I should be the one who does the tape-recording. 1602 01:23:33,091 --> 01:23:35,300 - No way. No, I'll do it. - You're gonna do it? 1603 01:23:35,468 --> 01:23:37,511 You'll have to duct-tape that to your chest. 1604 01:23:37,679 --> 01:23:40,097 I can't tape this to my chest. I have hair on chest. 1605 01:23:40,265 --> 01:23:43,100 Just put it in your pocket. Not gonna tape it to his chest. 1606 01:23:43,768 --> 01:23:47,938 So, what do we do? Wait for him to come home, we grab a office chair or something? 1607 01:23:48,106 --> 01:23:51,608 One of us gets in the chair, spins around and dramatically confronts him. 1608 01:23:51,776 --> 01:23:53,610 - I'm in the chair. - Nick's in the chair. 1609 01:23:53,778 --> 01:23:55,654 - Why are you in the chair? - He's my boss. 1610 01:23:55,822 --> 01:23:59,283 Maybe we should get three chairs and all spin around at the same time. 1611 01:23:59,451 --> 01:24:00,576 Confront him like that. 1612 01:24:00,744 --> 01:24:03,203 That's not intimidating, that's like a musical number. 1613 01:24:04,956 --> 01:24:06,081 DALE: Watch out for the cat. 1614 01:24:06,249 --> 01:24:07,458 ALL: Surprise! 1615 01:24:07,625 --> 01:24:09,626 [DeBARGE'S "RHYTHM OF THE NIGHT" PLAYING ON STEREO] 1616 01:24:09,794 --> 01:24:12,379 Okay. It's a false alarm. Just mingle, mingle, mingle. 1617 01:24:12,547 --> 01:24:13,797 Hi. Who are you? 1618 01:24:13,965 --> 01:24:15,799 Come inside. Close that door. Hurry. 1619 01:24:15,967 --> 01:24:17,801 Um, okay. Now, wait a minute. 1620 01:24:17,969 --> 01:24:21,305 You're the young man who helped Dave out on the street the other night. 1621 01:24:21,473 --> 01:24:23,766 - That's him. - Yeah, that's who I am. 1622 01:24:23,933 --> 01:24:27,895 - How is he? - He is great, thanks to you. Thank you. 1623 01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:30,647 - Did I invite you? - You did and you didn't. 1624 01:24:30,815 --> 01:24:32,649 I work with your husband. We're late. 1625 01:24:32,817 --> 01:24:34,943 - These are my plus-twos. MAN: He's in the garage. 1626 01:24:35,111 --> 01:24:37,154 Oh, we should hide. Everybody, come on in. 1627 01:24:38,156 --> 01:24:42,117 - Someone get the lights. - Get down, get down, get down. 1628 01:24:42,994 --> 01:24:46,789 [WHISPERING] I'm Kurt, by the way. I didn't get a chance to introduce myself at the door. 1629 01:24:46,956 --> 01:24:50,084 - Oh, hey, Rhonda. Hi. Hi. - Hi, Rhonda. Very nice to meet you. 1630 01:24:50,293 --> 01:24:52,836 Nick didn't tell me his boss was married to a model. 1631 01:24:53,004 --> 01:24:55,130 Ha, ha. Yeah, not a model. 1632 01:24:55,298 --> 01:24:56,340 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 1633 01:24:56,508 --> 01:24:58,175 When did you quit? 1634 01:25:01,096 --> 01:25:02,554 [DOOR CLOSES] 1635 01:25:02,722 --> 01:25:04,723 ALL: Surprise! 1636 01:25:04,891 --> 01:25:07,184 Goddamn it! God, I hate that! 1637 01:25:07,352 --> 01:25:08,560 We got you, huh, honey? 1638 01:25:09,437 --> 01:25:11,730 - So you were surprised? - Yeah. 1639 01:25:11,898 --> 01:25:13,190 Look, sweetie, everybody's here. 1640 01:25:13,358 --> 01:25:14,483 [HARKEN CHUCKLES] 1641 01:25:14,651 --> 01:25:16,110 I'm gonna put my stuff down. 1642 01:25:16,277 --> 01:25:19,029 She knows I hate surprises. 1643 01:25:19,364 --> 01:25:22,908 I think we got him. Ha, ha. We got him good. 1644 01:25:24,119 --> 01:25:25,702 Okay. 1645 01:25:25,870 --> 01:25:28,288 He's gone off on his own. This is our chance. 1646 01:25:28,456 --> 01:25:30,207 - You guys ready? - Yeah, very ready. 1647 01:25:30,375 --> 01:25:32,167 NICK: Stay close, okay? KURT: Mm-hm. 1648 01:25:32,544 --> 01:25:34,962 Let's do it. Let's do it. 1649 01:25:36,673 --> 01:25:38,132 NICK: Harken. 1650 01:25:39,342 --> 01:25:41,093 HARKEN: I cannot believe my wife invited you. 1651 01:25:41,386 --> 01:25:44,179 What are you doing here? Come to stab me a few more times? 1652 01:25:44,347 --> 01:25:46,890 - We know what you did. - Well, what does that mean? 1653 01:25:47,058 --> 01:25:49,143 We were there. We saw you kill him. 1654 01:25:50,061 --> 01:25:51,436 Really? 1655 01:25:52,272 --> 01:25:54,731 So, what is this, then? Your little shakedown? 1656 01:25:55,859 --> 01:25:58,652 You think that you can blackmail me... 1657 01:25:59,237 --> 01:26:02,531 ...because you saw me kill my wife's lover? 1658 01:26:03,741 --> 01:26:04,908 Say his name! 1659 01:26:06,828 --> 01:26:08,287 What? 1660 01:26:08,997 --> 01:26:11,206 The man you killed, you say his name. 1661 01:26:11,374 --> 01:26:14,585 Pellit? Trust me, Pellit's name means nothing any more. 1662 01:26:14,752 --> 01:26:17,212 There it is. Thank you. Let's do it, guys. 1663 01:26:17,380 --> 01:26:19,840 - Yeah, that's right. - Hang on. Where the fuck is Kurt? 1664 01:26:20,008 --> 01:26:21,592 I killed Pellit. 1665 01:26:21,759 --> 01:26:23,594 Hold that thought, I'm missing my friend Kurt. 1666 01:26:23,761 --> 01:26:28,348 I walked right up to his door, I put a gun in his chest and I shot him. 1667 01:26:28,516 --> 01:26:31,768 Then you know what? You know what I did after that? I shot him again. 1668 01:26:31,936 --> 01:26:33,896 And let me tell you something. 1669 01:26:34,522 --> 01:26:36,398 I liked it. 1670 01:26:37,275 --> 01:26:41,111 So if you think that I'm some sort of pussy... 1671 01:26:41,279 --> 01:26:45,866 ...who won't do exactly the same thing to a couple of lame-assed blackmailers... 1672 01:26:46,034 --> 01:26:47,159 ...think again. 1673 01:26:47,327 --> 01:26:50,454 Know who thinks you're a pussy? My friend Kurt. Let me grab him. 1674 01:26:50,622 --> 01:26:52,039 You are pathetic, Hendricks. 1675 01:26:53,333 --> 01:26:59,421 You walk into my house on my goddamn birthday and pull this shit. 1676 01:27:01,049 --> 01:27:02,633 Well, let me tell you something. 1677 01:27:04,052 --> 01:27:05,886 You're dead. 1678 01:27:06,512 --> 01:27:09,014 You and you. 1679 01:27:09,182 --> 01:27:10,515 - And...? - Kurt. 1680 01:27:10,683 --> 01:27:13,310 Kurt. Dead men. 1681 01:27:14,062 --> 01:27:16,647 DALE: I didn't know it was your birthday. What's he doing? 1682 01:27:16,814 --> 01:27:19,483 - What do you got? - Getting my gun. Only take a second. 1683 01:27:19,651 --> 01:27:20,943 - I'll get the car. - I'll go. 1684 01:27:21,110 --> 01:27:25,155 We had him, we had the whole goddamn thing. What the fuck happened to Kurt? 1685 01:27:25,406 --> 01:27:26,573 DALE: Hey! - There you are. 1686 01:27:26,741 --> 01:27:27,783 Where were you? 1687 01:27:27,951 --> 01:27:30,327 My, uh, stomach was bothering me. Had to use the bathroom. 1688 01:27:30,495 --> 01:27:32,788 He confessed everything, now he's getting his gun. 1689 01:27:32,956 --> 01:27:34,414 - Kurt, what happened there? - Oh, uh... 1690 01:27:34,582 --> 01:27:36,583 ...she was giving me a tour of the mouth... House. 1691 01:27:37,001 --> 01:27:39,836 - Ow! What are you...? - Get in the car. Right now. 1692 01:27:40,004 --> 01:27:42,130 - Knock it off. DALE: Come on. 1693 01:27:45,885 --> 01:27:48,512 Look, I wasn't thinking, okay? I'm sorry. 1694 01:27:49,055 --> 01:27:52,307 She's just very hot. And I'm weak. I'm a weak, weak man, okay? 1695 01:27:52,475 --> 01:27:53,600 I admit it. 1696 01:27:53,768 --> 01:27:54,810 [KURT GASPS] 1697 01:27:54,978 --> 01:27:56,937 - Back it up, back it up. - Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 1698 01:27:57,105 --> 01:27:58,605 - They found my DNA. - Back it up. 1699 01:27:58,773 --> 01:28:03,193 Go backwards. Go backwards. See? They found your poop brush. 1700 01:28:03,778 --> 01:28:07,197 - You are obsessed with your asshole! - No, I'm not. It was a prank, Dale. 1701 01:28:07,365 --> 01:28:10,242 Shut it down. Let's start talking about where we're gonna live. 1702 01:28:10,410 --> 01:28:13,370 - The current situation won't work. - There'll be cops everywhere. 1703 01:28:13,538 --> 01:28:14,830 You talking about fleeing? 1704 01:28:14,998 --> 01:28:17,541 Damn right. I'm talking about Canada or Mexico. 1705 01:28:17,875 --> 01:28:20,585 I can't live in Mexico. I mean, I can't handle the food. 1706 01:28:20,753 --> 01:28:22,671 My digestion alone... I'll probably die. 1707 01:28:22,839 --> 01:28:25,424 - You'd rather be in jail the rest of your life? - Shut the fuck up. 1708 01:28:25,591 --> 01:28:26,633 [CELL PHONE BUZZING] 1709 01:28:26,801 --> 01:28:28,927 I'm getting a call. I gotta get this. Hello? 1710 01:28:29,387 --> 01:28:30,554 Hello, lover. 1711 01:28:30,722 --> 01:28:33,473 Uh, look, Julia, now's not a good time to talk. 1712 01:28:33,641 --> 01:28:35,726 - Hey, I'm not here. JULIA: That's okay. 1713 01:28:35,893 --> 01:28:38,103 I actually meant to call your home phone. 1714 01:28:38,271 --> 01:28:40,063 You know, tell Stacy about us. 1715 01:28:40,231 --> 01:28:43,400 - No, don't do that. Wait. Wait. NICK: We'll learn the metric system. 1716 01:28:43,568 --> 01:28:46,737 We gotta buy coats and sweaters and learn hockey and all that shit. 1717 01:28:46,904 --> 01:28:49,156 No, I think I've waited long enough, Dale. 1718 01:28:49,324 --> 01:28:51,658 I'm sort of tired of you toying with my emotions. 1719 01:28:51,826 --> 01:28:53,243 DALE: I'm not playing with you. 1720 01:28:53,411 --> 01:28:57,039 I'm not toying with you. I'm gonna take care of it. I'm gonna take care of it. 1721 01:28:57,206 --> 01:29:00,083 Wait, wait, wait. What are you gonna do to me? 1722 01:29:00,418 --> 01:29:02,085 - I'm gonna have sex with you. - What? 1723 01:29:02,253 --> 01:29:04,379 JULIA: I want you to give me details, you pussy. 1724 01:29:04,547 --> 01:29:06,214 And please be explicit. 1725 01:29:06,382 --> 01:29:09,634 Details? I'm in a car with people. Now is not a good time for details. 1726 01:29:09,886 --> 01:29:13,221 - I don't care if it's not a great time. DALE: Okay, fine. 1727 01:29:13,389 --> 01:29:15,432 I'm gonna make you feel good. You know? 1728 01:29:15,600 --> 01:29:18,060 With my fingers and my tongue and whatnot. 1729 01:29:18,227 --> 01:29:20,103 I know you can do better than that. 1730 01:29:20,271 --> 01:29:22,939 All right, I'm gonna put my penis in your pussy, Julia. 1731 01:29:23,107 --> 01:29:25,400 Oh, boy, that's gonna get me done. 1732 01:29:27,278 --> 01:29:28,695 What the fuck was that? 1733 01:29:31,199 --> 01:29:33,742 - What the fuck? - That's Harken. Lose him. 1734 01:29:34,952 --> 01:29:36,953 - Oh, my God! - Get out of here. 1735 01:29:39,207 --> 01:29:40,916 Look, careful. 1736 01:29:43,419 --> 01:29:46,755 Hey, are you gonna slap me in the face with your cock, Dale? 1737 01:29:46,923 --> 01:29:49,216 Yes, I'll slap you in the face with my cock! 1738 01:29:49,384 --> 01:29:52,636 - This guy's fucking crazy. - Slap you all over your face with my cock! 1739 01:29:53,137 --> 01:29:55,138 - Don't get in a wreck. - It’s go time. 1740 01:29:57,308 --> 01:29:58,975 Okay. More, Dale. 1741 01:29:59,143 --> 01:30:00,644 I will go up and down on you... 1742 01:30:00,812 --> 01:30:03,730 ...and I'll rub my naked butt against your naked butt... 1743 01:30:03,898 --> 01:30:05,482 ...until it's raw and red... 1744 01:30:05,650 --> 01:30:07,692 ...and we're both really chafed up real bad. 1745 01:30:10,154 --> 01:30:11,571 [ALL YELL] 1746 01:30:13,074 --> 01:30:14,116 [HORNS HONKING] 1747 01:30:14,283 --> 01:30:17,160 Not good. Get us out of here! Get us out of here! 1748 01:30:17,328 --> 01:30:18,328 I got it, I got it. 1749 01:30:20,331 --> 01:30:22,416 - Come on. - I'll spit on your arms and stuff. 1750 01:30:22,583 --> 01:30:24,334 - What else? DALE: And then I'm gonna... 1751 01:30:24,502 --> 01:30:26,378 ...jam my skull into the crack of your ass! 1752 01:30:26,546 --> 01:30:27,838 [CHUCKLES] 1753 01:30:28,673 --> 01:30:30,674 Yeah, baby. In the crack of your ass. 1754 01:30:30,842 --> 01:30:34,177 And I'll dance on your boobies, and I'll jump up and down on your butt. 1755 01:30:36,764 --> 01:30:39,933 Ah. I'll see you Friday, dirty bird. 1756 01:30:40,101 --> 01:30:41,435 Good. Friday. See you Friday. 1757 01:30:41,602 --> 01:30:43,603 Nice job fucking the crazy out of her, Kurt! 1758 01:30:43,771 --> 01:30:46,106 Maybe I should have been dancing on her boobs, huh? 1759 01:30:46,274 --> 01:30:47,357 DALE: Maybe you should have. 1760 01:30:47,525 --> 01:30:49,234 NICK: That was very good driving, by the way. 1761 01:30:49,402 --> 01:30:50,485 KURT: Thank you very much. 1762 01:30:50,653 --> 01:30:53,572 GREGORY: Good evening, Mr. Buckman. - Yeah, hey, Gregory. How are you? 1763 01:30:53,739 --> 01:30:56,199 GREGORY: Our on board sensors report you've had a collision. 1764 01:30:56,367 --> 01:30:58,493 That's because we have a crazy man that hit us. 1765 01:30:58,661 --> 01:31:01,538 GREGORY: I will alert the authorities and direct them to your location. 1766 01:31:01,706 --> 01:31:03,790 Don't call the cops. They're already after us. 1767 01:31:03,958 --> 01:31:07,961 No, Gregory, they think we murdered someone, all right? Do not call the cops. 1768 01:31:09,881 --> 01:31:11,590 What's going on? Why you slowing down, Kurt? 1769 01:31:11,757 --> 01:31:14,718 Whoa. Oh, no, no, no. I didn't do that. No, the engine died. 1770 01:31:14,886 --> 01:31:17,220 GREGORY: I remotely disabled your engine. - What? 1771 01:31:17,388 --> 01:31:19,139 GREGORY: It is standard Nav Guide protocol... 1772 01:31:19,307 --> 01:31:21,224 ...whenever a driver has committed a crime. 1773 01:31:21,392 --> 01:31:23,977 I pay 19 bucks a month for this fucking service. 1774 01:31:24,187 --> 01:31:27,063 GREGORY: Remain with your vehicle. The police will be arriving shortly. 1775 01:31:27,231 --> 01:31:30,025 DALE: Gregory, I thought you were our fucking friend, man! 1776 01:31:30,818 --> 01:31:32,194 [ALL YELL] 1777 01:31:36,908 --> 01:31:38,909 [DALE GROANING] 1778 01:31:45,458 --> 01:31:47,918 Get out of the car, all of you. Come on. Come on. 1779 01:31:50,838 --> 01:31:53,924 - Remember I saved your life that one time? HARKEN: Shut up. 1780 01:31:56,260 --> 01:31:58,136 NICK: Just take it easy with that... - Shut up. 1781 01:31:58,304 --> 01:31:59,971 I got six bullets in this gun. 1782 01:32:00,139 --> 01:32:03,600 Which means I can shoot all of you twice, just like that bastard Pellit... 1783 01:32:03,768 --> 01:32:05,769 ...if I really wanted to, but I'm not gonna. 1784 01:32:05,937 --> 01:32:08,438 You're not gonna shoot us twice or not gonna shoot us? 1785 01:32:08,606 --> 01:32:09,773 Shut up. 1786 01:32:10,816 --> 01:32:14,653 I got a better idea. I'm gonna tell the cops that you killed Pellit. 1787 01:32:14,820 --> 01:32:18,448 And when I found out, you tried to kill me to shut me up. 1788 01:32:18,616 --> 01:32:20,116 - That's crazy. - Is it? 1789 01:32:20,284 --> 01:32:24,120 Because I don't see one shred of evidence that proves that I shot Pellit. 1790 01:32:24,288 --> 01:32:26,790 And besides, I'm the guy with the bullet in his leg. 1791 01:32:26,958 --> 01:32:28,250 What? 1792 01:32:28,918 --> 01:32:30,252 [HARKEN YELLS] 1793 01:32:30,419 --> 01:32:32,254 God, that hurts so much. 1794 01:32:32,421 --> 01:32:34,172 Son of a bitch. 1795 01:32:34,340 --> 01:32:35,757 - Catch! - No, don't ca...! 1796 01:32:35,925 --> 01:32:37,801 - Goddamn it, Dale. - You see? 1797 01:32:37,969 --> 01:32:41,471 You can't win a marathon without putting some Band-Aids on your nipples. 1798 01:32:42,181 --> 01:32:44,766 - What does that mean? - Watch this. 1799 01:32:45,142 --> 01:32:46,601 [GROANING] 1800 01:32:46,769 --> 01:32:48,311 [SIRENS WAILING NEARBY] 1801 01:32:50,606 --> 01:32:51,856 - Everybody freeze! COP 1: Police! 1802 01:32:52,024 --> 01:32:54,234 HAGAN: Drop the gun! On your knees! 1803 01:32:54,402 --> 01:32:57,320 HARKEN: Thank God. Officers, thank God you're here. 1804 01:32:57,488 --> 01:32:59,489 These guys, they shot me. 1805 01:32:59,657 --> 01:33:01,324 - That's not true! - That's bullshit! 1806 01:33:01,492 --> 01:33:04,286 I found out they murdered someone. They tried to shut me up. 1807 01:33:04,453 --> 01:33:07,330 Please protect me from them. I have a wife and a cat! 1808 01:33:07,498 --> 01:33:09,874 HAGAN: All right, take it easy. Call for an ambulance. 1809 01:33:10,209 --> 01:33:13,920 COP 2: Hey, what is this? - It’s nothing. It's just a tape recorder. 1810 01:33:14,088 --> 01:33:15,630 Oh, shit! It's a tape recorder! 1811 01:33:15,798 --> 01:33:18,842 - A tape recorder. Did you turn that off? KURT: No, it's been recording! 1812 01:33:19,010 --> 01:33:21,386 - So listen to us, officer. - Hands up! 1813 01:33:21,554 --> 01:33:24,598 Listen to us for one second. He confessed to killing Pellit. 1814 01:33:24,765 --> 01:33:26,057 He said he shot him twice... 1815 01:33:26,225 --> 01:33:29,477 ...and he was gonna shoot us once or twice. He was unclear about that. 1816 01:33:29,645 --> 01:33:31,855 - You are insane. - Just play the tape. 1817 01:33:34,609 --> 01:33:37,152 KURT [ON RECORDING]: But all those people are just right outside. 1818 01:33:37,320 --> 01:33:39,029 RHONDA: Your balls are so smooth. 1819 01:33:39,405 --> 01:33:40,947 Wait a minute. Is that my wife? 1820 01:33:41,115 --> 01:33:43,033 No, no. Of course not, no. Let's move past that. 1821 01:33:43,200 --> 01:33:45,869 DALE [ON RECORDING]:... jam my skull into the crack of your ass! 1822 01:33:46,037 --> 01:33:48,455 I'll dance on your boobies, and jump up and down on your butt. 1823 01:33:48,623 --> 01:33:49,664 What the fuck is this? 1824 01:33:49,832 --> 01:33:53,168 Don't judge. I have a thing with my boss. It's none of your business. 1825 01:33:53,336 --> 01:33:54,836 If you could get to the end...? 1826 01:33:55,004 --> 01:33:56,880 [DALE, NICK AND KURT YELLING ON RECORDING] 1827 01:33:57,048 --> 01:33:58,381 [BEEPS] 1828 01:33:58,549 --> 01:33:59,674 There's nothing on here. 1829 01:33:59,842 --> 01:34:01,217 - Shit! - What happened? 1830 01:34:01,385 --> 01:34:03,219 Thing must have stopped when we crashed. 1831 01:34:03,387 --> 01:34:05,055 Before this guy supposedly confessed? 1832 01:34:05,222 --> 01:34:07,724 I told you, these guys are liars. They cannot be trusted. 1833 01:34:07,892 --> 01:34:09,726 They shot me in the leg, killed a guy. 1834 01:34:09,894 --> 01:34:12,395 - He shot himself. - I don't need to hear anything else. 1835 01:34:14,565 --> 01:34:16,399 - Cuff them. KURT: Oh, my God. 1836 01:34:16,567 --> 01:34:19,319 - You don't need to cuff us. - My God, we're going to jail. 1837 01:34:19,487 --> 01:34:21,112 We're going to jail. Unbelievable. 1838 01:34:21,280 --> 01:34:22,697 It hurts. It hurts so much. 1839 01:34:22,865 --> 01:34:24,658 GREGORY: Excuse me? Officers? 1840 01:34:24,867 --> 01:34:26,993 I should mention that it is Nav Guide policy... 1841 01:34:27,161 --> 01:34:29,996 ...to record all conversations for quality assurance. 1842 01:34:30,164 --> 01:34:32,457 - Who the hell's that? - That's our Nav Guide rep. 1843 01:34:32,625 --> 01:34:34,209 - His name is Almonan. HAGAN: Hands up! 1844 01:34:34,377 --> 01:34:35,919 NICK: Atmanad. DALE: Almondmond. 1845 01:34:36,087 --> 01:34:38,421 - Atmanad is what it was! GREGORY: Atmanand. 1846 01:34:38,589 --> 01:34:41,424 Atmand... Gregory, uh, play what he said. 1847 01:34:41,592 --> 01:34:44,219 - Play it just after the crash. GREGORY: Very good, sir. 1848 01:34:44,387 --> 01:34:47,097 You're not gonna listen to this. This isn't evidence. 1849 01:34:47,264 --> 01:34:49,307 HARKEN [ON RECORDING]: I got six bullets in this gun. 1850 01:34:49,475 --> 01:34:52,435 Which means I can shoot all of you twice, just like that bastard Pellit... 1851 01:34:52,603 --> 01:34:55,063 ...if I really wanted to, but I'm not gonna. 1852 01:34:55,231 --> 01:34:56,690 - That's it. - So it was you. 1853 01:34:56,857 --> 01:34:58,441 [ALL LAUGHING] 1854 01:34:59,235 --> 01:35:02,612 That is not proof. That's just a car. You're not gonna listen to a car. 1855 01:35:02,780 --> 01:35:05,365 Looks like I'm getting that promotion after all. Yeah. 1856 01:35:05,783 --> 01:35:07,784 To answer your question, that was your wife. 1857 01:35:07,952 --> 01:35:10,078 - You fucked my wife? - I fucked your wife. 1858 01:35:10,246 --> 01:35:11,287 Nobody fucks my wife! 1859 01:35:13,082 --> 01:35:14,207 [GRUNTS] 1860 01:35:14,375 --> 01:35:15,667 Ah. 1861 01:35:16,836 --> 01:35:18,294 How you like them nipples? 1862 01:35:18,462 --> 01:35:20,088 Did you just do the catchphrase? 1863 01:35:20,256 --> 01:35:22,465 - Good Will Hunting. KURT: Good Will Hunting. 1864 01:35:22,633 --> 01:35:24,259 - That's so great. - Caught it, yeah. 1865 01:35:24,427 --> 01:35:27,554 Good Will Hunting rip. Instead of saying "apples" he said "nipples." 1866 01:35:27,722 --> 01:35:29,806 - Felt like a moment. - And happy birthday. 1867 01:35:29,974 --> 01:35:32,350 NICK: So in the end, we didn't wind up going to jail. 1868 01:35:32,518 --> 01:35:35,145 Actually, we did later that night when they booked us. 1869 01:35:35,312 --> 01:35:37,313 But since we led the cops to Harken... 1870 01:35:37,481 --> 01:35:40,358 ...they ultimately agreed to let our other offenses slide. 1871 01:35:40,526 --> 01:35:42,026 Strangely enough, lucky for Kurt... 1872 01:35:42,653 --> 01:35:46,322 ...there's no laws on the books against putting people's toiletries up your ass. 1873 01:35:46,490 --> 01:35:48,616 Anyway, with Harken in his new position... 1874 01:35:48,784 --> 01:35:54,038 ...on all fours in prison for 25 to life, Comnidyne made me acting president. 1875 01:35:54,749 --> 01:35:58,418 It's a great job, I got a solid raise and I'm actually my own boss. 1876 01:35:58,586 --> 01:35:59,878 Well, except for the CEO. 1877 01:36:00,045 --> 01:36:03,757 - Morning. - Oh, morning. You, uh, must be Nick. 1878 01:36:03,924 --> 01:36:06,676 - I am. - Well, it's great to finally meet you. 1879 01:36:06,844 --> 01:36:09,846 - You too, Mr. Sherman. - Please. Lou. 1880 01:36:10,514 --> 01:36:12,432 Okay. Lou. 1881 01:36:12,600 --> 01:36:15,685 I appreciate the opportunity you've given me. I won't let you down. 1882 01:36:16,020 --> 01:36:17,520 Yeah, I'm sure you won't, son. 1883 01:36:17,688 --> 01:36:20,356 NICK: From what I hear, people say he's the nicest guy in the world. 1884 01:36:20,524 --> 01:36:21,566 [KNOCKING IN TRUNK] 1885 01:36:21,734 --> 01:36:23,651 MAN: Mr. Sherman, I'm sorry your coffee was cold. 1886 01:36:23,819 --> 01:36:24,861 Uh, Lou? 1887 01:36:25,029 --> 01:36:26,237 NICK: Most people. 1888 01:36:26,405 --> 01:36:29,365 MAN: Mr. Sherman, I'm hungry! 1889 01:36:29,533 --> 01:36:31,493 Can I come out now, please? 1890 01:36:31,660 --> 01:36:34,037 - You hear that? - No. 1891 01:36:34,205 --> 01:36:36,289 Sounds like there's someone in your trunk. 1892 01:36:36,499 --> 01:36:40,877 Why don't we let this be, uh, our little secret? 1893 01:36:41,045 --> 01:36:42,420 MAN: I need a shower. 1894 01:36:42,588 --> 01:36:44,881 NICK: Yeah. Turns out my new boss... 1895 01:36:45,049 --> 01:36:47,217 ...is a twisted old fuck. 1896 01:36:48,552 --> 01:36:52,388 Meanwhile, the Pellit family put the most senior person in charge of the company... 1897 01:36:52,556 --> 01:36:55,558 ...which wasn't Kurt. But he was okay with that. 1898 01:36:55,726 --> 01:36:59,646 Because he realized that when you're the boss, sometimes people want you dead. 1899 01:36:59,814 --> 01:37:03,191 - Hey, Kurt. Come in. - Margie, I wanted to congratulate you. 1900 01:37:03,359 --> 01:37:04,400 Thank you. 1901 01:37:04,568 --> 01:37:08,321 If there's anything I can do to help out before the baby gets here, let me know. 1902 01:37:08,489 --> 01:37:10,657 - What baby? - Your baby. 1903 01:37:11,742 --> 01:37:14,744 - I'm not pregnant. - So I'm just touching you? 1904 01:37:16,247 --> 01:37:17,372 Ay. 1905 01:37:17,748 --> 01:37:19,290 Julia. 1906 01:37:19,834 --> 01:37:24,254 I was thinking perhaps we could drill the patient first. 1907 01:37:24,421 --> 01:37:25,463 NICK: And Dale? 1908 01:37:25,840 --> 01:37:29,425 Ultimately, he decided his only choice was to screw Julia after all. 1909 01:37:29,593 --> 01:37:33,596 You just continue to surprise me... 1910 01:37:33,764 --> 01:37:35,932 ...you dirty, dirty little man. 1911 01:37:36,350 --> 01:37:38,268 Just you wait. 1912 01:37:39,937 --> 01:37:41,521 You like that, Dale? 1913 01:37:41,689 --> 01:37:43,273 - You like that, Dale? - Oh, my God, yeah. 1914 01:37:43,440 --> 01:37:45,275 Oh. 1915 01:37:46,485 --> 01:37:50,446 Oh, gosh, do I wish I could have sex with Julia. 1916 01:37:50,614 --> 01:37:52,782 [PATIENT LAUGHS] 1917 01:37:53,284 --> 01:37:54,534 JULIA: What? 1918 01:37:54,702 --> 01:37:57,453 I'm so sorry, but I couldn't keep it together! It's amazing! 1919 01:37:57,621 --> 01:37:59,789 - She was talking to your penis! - Who are you? 1920 01:37:59,957 --> 01:38:03,710 Julia, this is my good friend, Kenny Sommerfeld. 1921 01:38:03,878 --> 01:38:05,545 Most Likely to Succeed. 1922 01:38:05,713 --> 01:38:07,797 - Give me some of that. - Don't you touch me. 1923 01:38:07,965 --> 01:38:10,633 Now, Kenny here, he'll do just about anything for 50 bucks. 1924 01:38:10,801 --> 01:38:12,886 - Yeah, it's true. - Yeah, and it's not pretty. 1925 01:38:13,053 --> 01:38:15,805 But that's why I asked him to help me frame you. 1926 01:38:15,973 --> 01:38:20,101 Really? Is this all you've got? Your word against mine? 1927 01:38:20,269 --> 01:38:21,811 Don't forget about that guy. 1928 01:38:21,979 --> 01:38:25,565 Say hi to my cameraman. He's filmed a lot of Hollywood hits. 1929 01:38:25,733 --> 01:38:27,483 JULIA: You are a sick little bastard. 1930 01:38:27,651 --> 01:38:29,444 You are a sick little bastard. 1931 01:38:29,612 --> 01:38:31,029 Shut the fuck up for a second. 1932 01:38:31,196 --> 01:38:34,157 Julia, shut the fuck up for a second, all right? 1933 01:38:34,325 --> 01:38:36,284 Now, here's what's gonna happen, okay? 1934 01:38:36,452 --> 01:38:39,078 I'm going to take a very nice, very expensive... 1935 01:38:39,246 --> 01:38:41,706 ...two-week vacation with my fiancée. 1936 01:38:41,874 --> 01:38:45,001 Let's call it a honeymoon, all right? And you are gonna pay for it. 1937 01:38:45,210 --> 01:38:50,256 Then I'm going to return to a rape-free workplace, all right? 1938 01:38:50,424 --> 01:38:55,345 Because if you so much as look at my sexy little ass, Julia... 1939 01:38:55,512 --> 01:38:58,264 ...l will have yours locked the fuck up... 1940 01:38:58,432 --> 01:39:04,354 ...you crazy bitch whore! 1941 01:39:05,189 --> 01:39:07,690 Ah, that felt good. 1942 01:39:15,699 --> 01:39:19,535 How's the hair? Is it good, is it great? It's not as bad as his, is it? 1943 01:39:21,205 --> 01:39:27,168 I had no idea that you called your grandmother "Gam Gam." 1944 01:39:27,628 --> 01:39:29,295 [SNICKERS] 1945 01:39:29,713 --> 01:39:31,255 Calm down! 1946 01:39:32,716 --> 01:39:33,841 Oh! 1947 01:39:37,012 --> 01:39:40,223 Holy shit. He went out the door. 1948 01:39:40,557 --> 01:39:43,726 This place is awful. It's like The Sharper Image took a shit in here. 1949 01:39:43,894 --> 01:39:45,103 Five forty with the briefcase. 1950 01:39:45,270 --> 01:39:47,897 Oh, shut up about the briefcase. 1951 01:39:48,065 --> 01:39:51,859 Gonna put that "briefcabe" up my ass. 1952 01:39:52,027 --> 01:39:53,069 [CHUCKLING] 1953 01:39:53,237 --> 01:39:55,071 'm gonna put that briefcase up my ass! 1954 01:39:55,239 --> 01:39:56,948 [LAUGHING] 1955 01:40:02,579 --> 01:40:03,579 [SINGING] A dancin' girl 1956 01:40:03,747 --> 01:40:05,707 - You're good? He's good. - Yeah, I'm okay. 1957 01:40:06,083 --> 01:40:08,584 Or else little Stacy here's gonna get a little peek... 1958 01:40:08,752 --> 01:40:12,171 ...at my photo album. 1959 01:40:14,925 --> 01:40:17,552 One more. Let's fix this. 1960 01:40:19,430 --> 01:40:22,098 Have you ever in your life seen this much co...? 1961 01:40:24,852 --> 01:40:27,603 [SINGING] Pee, pee, pee, pee on the... 1962 01:40:29,106 --> 01:40:30,273 Let's... 1963 01:40:33,193 --> 01:40:34,652 [SNEEZES] 1964 01:40:34,820 --> 01:40:37,405 Now I'm sneezing dust bunnies. Is that diabetes? 1965 01:40:37,573 --> 01:40:39,574 I'm a pharmacist, not a doctor. 1966 01:40:39,742 --> 01:40:41,451 Is that my brain? Take my temperature. 1967 01:40:41,618 --> 01:40:43,077 Have you any, uh, roofies? 1968 01:40:43,245 --> 01:40:45,079 I want a lollipop. Do you like karaoke? 1969 01:40:45,247 --> 01:40:47,999 Do you have MDMA? I'll suck your d... 1970 01:40:53,297 --> 01:40:55,131 Shit happens. 1971 01:40:56,800 --> 01:41:01,679 NICK: What is your projected outside date of completion, Motherfucker? 1972 01:41:02,973 --> 01:41:04,432 [COUGHS] 1973 01:41:04,600 --> 01:41:06,225 [BURPS] 1974 01:41:09,104 --> 01:41:10,313 [CLEARS THROAT] 1975 01:41:10,481 --> 01:41:12,231 Give me that again. 1976 01:41:14,818 --> 01:41:17,111 - Oh, hi! Hi! Hello. KURT: Hi. 1977 01:41:17,279 --> 01:41:18,488 Come on, what are you...? 1978 01:41:18,655 --> 01:41:20,156 [ALL CHUCKLE] 1979 01:41:20,324 --> 01:41:23,534 Wouldn't mind bending her over a barrel and showing her the 50 states. 1980 01:41:23,702 --> 01:41:25,119 I don't know what that means. 1981 01:41:25,287 --> 01:41:27,246 - It's a phrase. - I don't think so. 1982 01:41:27,414 --> 01:41:31,250 Yeah, it is. It certainly is. Yeah, it definitely is. 1983 01:41:31,418 --> 01:41:33,669 - Really? - Yeah, it's from a movie. 1984 01:41:33,837 --> 01:41:34,879 NICK: Mm-mm. 1985 01:41:35,047 --> 01:41:36,714 It is now. 1986 01:41:37,007 --> 01:41:38,716 Beautiful.