1 00:00:17,916 --> 00:00:20,250 ["Express Yourself" by Madonna playing] 2 00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:30,416 Push, push, push! 3 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:34,000 I can't do it! It hurts! I hate you, bitch! 4 00:00:34,083 --> 00:00:34,916 Hey! 5 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:39,333 Sorry, but the expectant mother often lashes out at her support system. 6 00:00:39,416 --> 00:00:41,666 Lainy, why do we have to play "mom" every day? 7 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,750 I don't even want to be a mom. 8 00:00:43,833 --> 00:00:45,541 Never say that, Kate. 9 00:00:45,625 --> 00:00:49,500 Being a mom is the greatest thing a human being can do. 10 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,875 And someday, when we do it for real, 11 00:00:51,958 --> 00:00:53,750 we're gonna have to be there for each other. 12 00:00:53,833 --> 00:00:56,166 -Because our moms are dead. -Mm-hmm. 13 00:00:56,250 --> 00:00:58,958 Now hold my hand! I'm crowning! 14 00:00:59,541 --> 00:01:01,166 [screaming] 15 00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:03,250 ["Manhattan" by Cat Power playing] 16 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,916 ♪ The hotel above and the street below People come… ♪ 17 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,666 [line ringing] 18 00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:11,166 [yawns] 19 00:01:12,041 --> 00:01:15,166 Lainy, did you call me just to yawn? 20 00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:17,541 Kate, I can't dictate what my body needs. 21 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,375 But you really think it's happening today? 22 00:01:20,458 --> 00:01:21,416 [Kate] Are you serious? 23 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:25,000 He's taking you to a fancy restaurant on your anniversary. 24 00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:27,583 -He's going to propose! -[squeals excitedly] 25 00:01:27,666 --> 00:01:31,375 I mean, he said he has something very special to ask you. It's happening. 26 00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,958 Oh, gosh! I can't handle it. 27 00:01:34,041 --> 00:01:36,625 Okay, so you really think today is the day? 28 00:01:36,708 --> 00:01:38,375 I know today is the day. 29 00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:41,208 And today is also the day that I find a gray pube, 30 00:01:41,291 --> 00:01:43,208 because I just found a gray pube. Wow. 31 00:01:43,291 --> 00:01:44,291 Ooh, can I see? 32 00:01:44,375 --> 00:01:46,166 -Get the hell out of here! -Okay. All right. 33 00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:47,916 It'll make your bush look wiser. 34 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,708 [Kate] Now this thing is going to look like Steve Martin by the summer. 35 00:01:50,791 --> 00:01:55,500 Goddammit. Mark, where are my tweezers that are supposed to be just for me? 36 00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:59,166 -[grunts] -[Kate] Oh, God, are you okay? 37 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:02,291 All good. That's why I leave the pillows there. 38 00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:06,208 Found it. Sorry about that. Had a nasty-ass ingrown. 39 00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:08,041 -Get out. -Okay. 40 00:02:08,125 --> 00:02:10,083 -Goddammit. -[door closes] 41 00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:11,416 Are you going to say yes? 42 00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:12,916 Uh, yes. 43 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,250 Yeah, marriage! 44 00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:16,958 I've been waiting for this moment for so long. 45 00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:18,250 Honey, it's happening. 46 00:02:20,083 --> 00:02:21,333 Do I have a mustache? 47 00:02:21,416 --> 00:02:22,791 No, you're insane. 48 00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:25,541 No, do I have a fucking mustache? 49 00:02:25,625 --> 00:02:27,500 I love you so much. I'll see you at school. 50 00:02:27,583 --> 00:02:29,250 -Bye. -Hey, do I have a fucking mustache? 51 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,000 Oh my God, Mark? Mark? 52 00:02:39,083 --> 00:02:40,250 [Mark] Yeah? 53 00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,458 Oh, this time you don't come in. Come in! 54 00:02:43,541 --> 00:02:44,625 [Mark] Okay. Just… 55 00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:46,500 [uplifting music playing] 56 00:02:48,208 --> 00:02:49,166 Oh… 57 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:50,791 Oh, babe. 58 00:02:51,875 --> 00:02:53,791 -Oh my God. -We're having a baby. 59 00:02:53,875 --> 00:02:55,208 We're gonna have a baby. 60 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,375 Why is it wet? 61 00:02:58,041 --> 00:02:59,750 It's piss, Mark. 62 00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:06,875 "Oh, Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?" 63 00:03:06,958 --> 00:03:07,958 [whimsical music playing] 64 00:03:08,041 --> 00:03:11,125 "Deny thy father and refuse thy name, 65 00:03:11,208 --> 00:03:13,291 or if thou wilt not, 66 00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:15,125 be but sworn, my love, 67 00:03:15,208 --> 00:03:18,541 I'll no longer be a Capulet." 68 00:03:18,625 --> 00:03:19,916 Ms. Newton… 69 00:03:20,708 --> 00:03:23,541 I'm unbelievably uncomfortable right now. 70 00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:26,791 Okay. Thank you for expressing that to me, Brett. 71 00:03:26,875 --> 00:03:28,500 Go ahead, take your seat. 72 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:31,833 Now, does everyone understand 73 00:03:32,875 --> 00:03:36,041 what's happening in this masterful text? 74 00:03:36,125 --> 00:03:39,458 Yeah, Juliet's trying to smash. 75 00:03:39,541 --> 00:03:40,875 [students laughing] 76 00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:44,208 Yes. Very funny, Liam. That is one way of looking at it. 77 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,125 But it's more pure than that. 78 00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:51,458 These two people are in love, and that's how you all got here. 79 00:03:51,541 --> 00:03:53,125 Your parents fell in love, 80 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,458 and then you gave them the greatest gift of all… 81 00:03:57,166 --> 00:03:59,375 when you made them mommies and daddies. 82 00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:01,750 You have a mustache. 83 00:04:02,333 --> 00:04:03,500 [whispering] I knew it. 84 00:04:03,583 --> 00:04:04,833 [inhaling, smacking lips] 85 00:04:04,916 --> 00:04:06,916 -[cell phone vibrates] -Oh! 86 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,875 Everyone, work on your summaries, okay? 87 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,541 Hi. 88 00:04:15,625 --> 00:04:17,583 [Dave] Hey, smoke show, I left my watch at home. 89 00:04:17,666 --> 00:04:19,250 Mind grabbing it on the way to dinner? 90 00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:21,916 Makes everything else I'm wearing look a little better, you know? 91 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,083 Sure, I can grab it. 92 00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:27,208 Sounds like you want to look really sharp for tonight. 93 00:04:27,291 --> 00:04:28,583 I gotta look good for you, babe. 94 00:04:28,666 --> 00:04:30,666 Thanks for getting the watch. I'll see you tonight. 95 00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:31,666 You got it. Bye. 96 00:04:33,208 --> 00:04:35,250 You look happy. I don't like it. 97 00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,875 I think Dave's popping the question tonight. 98 00:04:37,958 --> 00:04:39,541 Ooh! 99 00:04:39,625 --> 00:04:42,041 I guess I can free myself up to be maid of honor. 100 00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:43,750 I can't do weekends, though. 101 00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:46,250 Yeah. I don't know if you'll have to worry about that. 102 00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:47,750 What are you doing here? 103 00:04:47,833 --> 00:04:50,041 I'm a guidance counselor, so I'm guiding. 104 00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:52,000 A lot of lost souls in this school. 105 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:55,250 If it wasn't for me, it would be a shitshow. 106 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:56,416 Hey! 107 00:04:57,625 --> 00:04:58,875 Where were you? 108 00:04:58,958 --> 00:05:01,791 [sniffs] You smell like cocaine. I'll be back. 109 00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:04,166 We can talk about dresses later. 110 00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:07,000 What have you got in your locker? Eight ball, nine ball? 111 00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:12,541 ♪ Do it, baby, do what I should think ♪ 112 00:05:13,375 --> 00:05:15,916 ["Million Dollar Baby" by Tommy Richman playing] 113 00:05:16,791 --> 00:05:19,375 ♪ Do it, baby, do what I should think ♪ 114 00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:22,333 ♪ Do it, baby, do what I could think ♪ 115 00:05:22,416 --> 00:05:24,583 ♪ I ain't never rep a set, baby ♪ 116 00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:26,625 ♪ Ain't do no wrong ♪ 117 00:05:26,708 --> 00:05:29,041 Wait till I decorate this place. 118 00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:32,666 ♪ 'Cause I want to make it, so badly… ♪ 119 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:33,583 Ah! 120 00:05:34,291 --> 00:05:35,791 There you are. 121 00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:38,583 -♪ Don't at me ♪ -♪ Hell no ♪ 122 00:05:38,666 --> 00:05:41,875 ♪ You rep my city for so damn long ♪ 123 00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:43,833 [chuckles excitedly] 124 00:05:44,708 --> 00:05:46,500 Oh, Dave. 125 00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:50,083 Size four? I love that you think that. 126 00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:52,875 ♪ Do it, baby, do what I should think ♪ 127 00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:56,458 ♪ Do it, baby, do what I could think ♪ 128 00:05:57,083 --> 00:05:58,250 Gosh. 129 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,666 ["Chemicals" by SG Lewis playing] 130 00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,916 [people chattering indistinctly] 131 00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:25,125 [chuckles] Sorry. Hi. 132 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:28,958 Don't get up. 133 00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:30,833 -Hey, babe. -Hi. 134 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:33,625 [both chuckling] 135 00:06:33,708 --> 00:06:36,708 Did you see I had a little stumble on the stairs? 136 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,458 A stumble? 137 00:06:38,541 --> 00:06:39,625 [chuckles] 138 00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:41,916 I think that girl tripped me. 139 00:06:42,875 --> 00:06:45,291 You look nice. I like the dress. 140 00:06:45,375 --> 00:06:47,541 Well, thank you. I'm a little tight. 141 00:06:48,416 --> 00:06:50,541 I feel like I'm breathing through a straw. 142 00:06:50,625 --> 00:06:53,541 But we're all going to end up that way someday, right? 143 00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:57,666 I'm just joking about getting old and dying. 144 00:06:59,291 --> 00:07:00,208 Let's order. 145 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,333 Showtime. 146 00:07:07,625 --> 00:07:09,750 So, anyway, um… 147 00:07:09,833 --> 00:07:13,416 -Four years, me and you, long-ass time. -[Lainy chuckles excitedly] 148 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,708 You're telling me. 149 00:07:14,791 --> 00:07:16,708 And I was thinking to myself, 150 00:07:16,791 --> 00:07:19,250 "Dave, it's time to level this shit up." 151 00:07:20,291 --> 00:07:21,833 -Yeah, level it up. -[Dave] Right? 152 00:07:21,916 --> 00:07:23,166 The champagne you ordered, sir. 153 00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:25,041 I got it, thanks. You guys can go. 154 00:07:25,125 --> 00:07:28,708 We're in the middle of something really important. [chuckling] 155 00:07:28,791 --> 00:07:30,083 Let's go. 156 00:07:30,666 --> 00:07:35,416 Lainy… [clears throat] …I want you to make me the luckiest man alive. 157 00:07:35,916 --> 00:07:37,208 Bon appétit. 158 00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,208 [Lainy] Oh my God. It's beautiful. 159 00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:42,666 This is it, right? It's here? 160 00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:44,416 Aw… 161 00:07:45,291 --> 00:07:46,791 Where you at? 162 00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:48,875 What the… What are you doing? 163 00:07:48,958 --> 00:07:50,291 I am… I… 164 00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:52,625 [chuckles] Sorry, I thought… 165 00:07:52,708 --> 00:07:54,666 Um… I'm just really nervous, 166 00:07:54,750 --> 00:07:57,375 but say what you were saying, don't worry about this. 167 00:07:58,250 --> 00:07:59,291 Lainy… 168 00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:00,666 [dramatic music playing] 169 00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:02,458 I want us… 170 00:08:05,666 --> 00:08:07,250 to have a threesome. 171 00:08:07,333 --> 00:08:08,583 [music fades] 172 00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:10,875 Uh, a what what? 173 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,041 A threesome. 174 00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:14,291 Look, babe, our relationship is strong. 175 00:08:14,375 --> 00:08:15,708 Let's open it up, right? 176 00:08:15,791 --> 00:08:17,500 Oh, uh, this is Moira. 177 00:08:17,583 --> 00:08:20,791 Hi! Davey's told me so much about you. 178 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,708 Oh, it's my dress. I knew I left it over there. 179 00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:27,750 What the fuck, Dave? I thought you wanted to get married. 180 00:08:27,833 --> 00:08:29,833 Lainy, come on. 181 00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,125 You can't have a threesome with your wife. 182 00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:34,333 -That's weird, right? -Yeah, that's gross. 183 00:08:34,416 --> 00:08:36,416 [Dave] Wife, weird. Girlfriend, cool. 184 00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:38,250 Anyway, I'm going to pay for this check. 185 00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:39,958 We'll go back to my apartment, 186 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:42,791 chisel you out of that dress, and see what happens. 187 00:08:42,875 --> 00:08:44,958 [screams] 188 00:08:45,708 --> 00:08:48,166 Lainy, what the fuck? 189 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,333 [sobbing loudly] 190 00:08:51,416 --> 00:08:53,166 Lainy, you are causing a scene. 191 00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:57,208 You want a scene? You want a scene! 192 00:08:57,708 --> 00:08:59,916 [screaming] 193 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:04,541 I'll show you a fucking scene! You want a scene? 194 00:09:04,625 --> 00:09:07,625 Here's a scene coming at you and your dress! 195 00:09:07,708 --> 00:09:08,958 Fuck you! 196 00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:10,666 Lainy. 197 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,375 I didn't really eat dinner. 198 00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:15,000 [Dave] Lainy! 199 00:09:15,666 --> 00:09:17,250 This food sucks. 200 00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:19,500 -[Dave] It doesn't have to be Moira! -[sobs] 201 00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:22,250 [music fades] 202 00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,166 -[student] Ms. Newton? -What? 203 00:09:33,916 --> 00:09:35,708 Do you want me to hand out the quizzes? 204 00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:42,208 No. 205 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,833 It's going to be an oral exam. 206 00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:48,458 [student] What? 207 00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:52,750 I'm assuming you're all familiar with oral. 208 00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:54,166 Little perverts. 209 00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,125 [breathing deeply, exhaling] 210 00:09:56,625 --> 00:09:57,583 Brett. 211 00:09:58,916 --> 00:10:01,333 What is Romeo and Juliet about? 212 00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:03,708 Oh, um, it's a beautiful love story. 213 00:10:03,791 --> 00:10:05,791 [mimicking buzzer] 214 00:10:05,875 --> 00:10:07,333 Wrong answer. 215 00:10:07,416 --> 00:10:09,375 Boo. Everyone boo Brett. 216 00:10:09,458 --> 00:10:11,708 [students hesitantly] Boo. 217 00:10:11,791 --> 00:10:14,791 -Really "boo" him. -[louder] Boo! 218 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,458 Boo! Very naive. 219 00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:19,625 Who was it? 220 00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:21,250 Ah! Liam. 221 00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:27,000 Yes. Liam, will you remind us, what is Romeo and Juliet really about? 222 00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:29,291 Romeo just wants a piece? 223 00:10:29,375 --> 00:10:31,958 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! 224 00:10:32,041 --> 00:10:32,875 Right answer! 225 00:10:32,958 --> 00:10:36,958 Tell him what he's won! A big fat dose of reality, kids. 226 00:10:37,041 --> 00:10:38,416 Because guess what? 227 00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,625 Romeo doesn't just want Juliet. No! 228 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:45,291 Romeo wants pussy from all over fair Verona. 229 00:10:45,375 --> 00:10:48,208 And he wants a fucking threesome with Moira? 230 00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:51,208 Have you ever heard of Moira? [grunts] 231 00:10:51,791 --> 00:10:53,000 What's a threesome? 232 00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:55,375 A threesome? Glad you asked this. 233 00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:58,625 Okay, everybody take notes, because this is important. 234 00:10:58,708 --> 00:11:02,541 Get out your phone calculators and whatever else the fuck you want. 235 00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:08,041 A threesome is when three people… 236 00:11:09,833 --> 00:11:14,500 do what only two people should do. 237 00:11:14,583 --> 00:11:15,916 Like a seesaw? 238 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,125 -Exactly like a seesaw! -[gasping] 239 00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:20,416 You know what? Pass your books to the front. 240 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,875 Everybody pass copies of your books to the front. 241 00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:26,291 Come on, I don't have all day. Come on, give me the fucking books! 242 00:11:26,375 --> 00:11:28,416 Let's go, let's go, come on! 243 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:29,958 -Hurry up! -I'm scared. 244 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:35,125 Is this about your mustache? 'Cause it looks a lot better. 245 00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:41,083 This isn't about my mustache. 246 00:11:41,166 --> 00:11:44,875 This is about the fact that Shakespeare… 247 00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:47,000 is dog shit. 248 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,458 And love… 249 00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:53,000 is a fucking lie. 250 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:01,833 [fire crackling] 251 00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,708 [blowing] 252 00:12:06,666 --> 00:12:09,625 ["A N X I E T Y" by Sleepy Hallow playing] 253 00:12:10,708 --> 00:12:13,500 Um, Ms. Newton, should we evacuate the school? 254 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,500 Mm-hmm. 255 00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:18,333 ♪ Look, shit got me tripping Fighting with my demons… ♪ 256 00:12:18,416 --> 00:12:22,291 Stay away from the fire. We're not sure how it got lit. 257 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,875 We'll get to the bottom of it. 258 00:12:23,958 --> 00:12:27,541 -[fire alarm ringing] -Get out, kids! We're gonna die! Get out! 259 00:12:27,625 --> 00:12:30,416 I don't want to burn to death! Get out! 260 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,750 ♪ It don't come with a coupon ♪ 261 00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:34,125 ♪ And they'll never catch it Like a ***** with no arms ♪ 262 00:12:34,208 --> 00:12:36,416 ♪ Baby, I'm trippin' My feelings been fryin' me ♪ 263 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,708 ♪ I blame it all on anxiety I had two chops… ♪ 264 00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:41,625 [woman] All right, guys, come on. Hurry up, let's go. 265 00:12:41,708 --> 00:12:43,583 ♪ They showing real love That's unlikely ♪ 266 00:12:43,666 --> 00:12:45,208 ♪ Fuck you, I ain't ask you to like me ♪ 267 00:12:45,291 --> 00:12:47,791 ♪ Watch for that snake, he might bite me Watch out for anybody… ♪ 268 00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:50,583 Excuse me. Sorry. Everyone, stay warm. 269 00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,583 Stay calm. 270 00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:56,291 Okay. Excuse me. 271 00:12:57,041 --> 00:12:59,041 [siren wailing] 272 00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:00,708 ♪ Anxiety, keep on trying me ♪ 273 00:13:00,791 --> 00:13:02,458 ♪ Feel it quietly ♪ 274 00:13:02,541 --> 00:13:04,125 ♪ Tryna silence me, yeah ♪ 275 00:13:04,708 --> 00:13:05,583 ♪ Anxiety… ♪ 276 00:13:05,666 --> 00:13:06,916 [chattering indistinctly] 277 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,000 ♪ Somebody's watching me… ♪ 278 00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:10,958 Hi. 279 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,750 [song fades] 280 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:15,708 Oh, honey. I am so sorry. 281 00:13:15,791 --> 00:13:17,125 It's not your fault. 282 00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:18,166 [Kate] Look at me. 283 00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:21,500 You are the moon. And the stars. 284 00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:24,708 And he is a dirty diaper. 285 00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:28,625 A tampon landfill monster. 286 00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,041 I just thought he was the one. 287 00:13:31,125 --> 00:13:32,625 You know, like the one, one. 288 00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:33,708 Fuck Dave. 289 00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:36,375 You don't need him or any guy. 290 00:13:37,291 --> 00:13:38,916 I want a family. 291 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,166 That's my dream. 292 00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:43,083 You will have that dream. Anyone can. 293 00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:44,625 Anyone except for me, 294 00:13:44,708 --> 00:13:51,000 because Dave wants to explore new vagina holes and butt holes. 295 00:13:51,083 --> 00:13:52,583 What about my holes? 296 00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:55,000 My holes aren't good enough to shit a baby out of? 297 00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:57,083 Okay, can you stop saying holes? 298 00:13:57,166 --> 00:14:00,375 Sorry, it's just thinking about a baby's thick head 299 00:14:00,458 --> 00:14:02,416 coming out of my hole is just too much. 300 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,583 I can't take that right now. Oh, thank you. 301 00:14:05,416 --> 00:14:06,375 [Kate sighing] 302 00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:10,541 You're not drinking. You look like shit. 303 00:14:10,625 --> 00:14:13,625 You don't want to talk about holes. Are you fucking pregnant? 304 00:14:17,708 --> 00:14:19,416 -No! -No? 305 00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:21,375 No! Get rid of it! 306 00:14:21,458 --> 00:14:22,500 What? 307 00:14:22,583 --> 00:14:24,750 No, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. 308 00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:25,875 I'm sorry. God. 309 00:14:25,958 --> 00:14:29,125 I just… I thought that I would have a baby first 310 00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:31,833 and you would wait too long and, you know, 311 00:14:31,916 --> 00:14:34,250 try and adopt and that wouldn't really pan out 312 00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:37,458 and you would just get some weird pet, like, off-brand, 313 00:14:37,541 --> 00:14:39,708 like a ferret or some shit. I don't know. 314 00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,708 [sobs] But I'm so happy for you. 315 00:14:41,791 --> 00:14:42,833 A baby? 316 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,166 [chuckles] 317 00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:47,708 Lainy, I didn't want to tell you right now. 318 00:14:47,791 --> 00:14:48,875 Please don't be mad. 319 00:14:48,958 --> 00:14:51,250 Stop! Why would I be mad at you? 320 00:14:51,333 --> 00:14:53,166 A baby. I'm so happy for you. 321 00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:54,500 Well, I mean… 322 00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:58,000 Yes, but you just demanded I have an abortion. 323 00:14:58,083 --> 00:15:00,666 This is terrible timing. I thought that you would be engaged 324 00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:02,958 and I'd be pregnant and it'd be so nice, but I-- 325 00:15:03,041 --> 00:15:04,833 No, it's fine. It is nice. 326 00:15:04,916 --> 00:15:06,166 It's amazing. 327 00:15:07,875 --> 00:15:09,375 You're having a baby. 328 00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:11,791 I know. It's so weird. 329 00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,166 So crazy. 330 00:15:13,250 --> 00:15:15,041 [both chuckling] 331 00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:17,375 Thank you for knowing I was gonna need to eat. 332 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,666 Yeah, I knew. 333 00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:20,083 [instruments tuning] 334 00:15:21,166 --> 00:15:24,541 To just celebrating you and not thinking about Dave. 335 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:28,291 [man] Hi, I'm Dave, and we're the Threesomes. 336 00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:31,958 This is the first song off our debut album, Threesome. 337 00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:33,500 It's called "Threesome." 338 00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,958 [jazz music playing] 339 00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:45,375 [Kate] Are you sure you're all good to be here today? 340 00:15:45,458 --> 00:15:46,375 -Yeah. -Yeah? 341 00:15:46,458 --> 00:15:48,458 I'm, uh, fine. 342 00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:52,083 Being at work is the best thing for me right now. 343 00:15:52,166 --> 00:15:53,875 Why would you want a family anyway 344 00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:56,916 when you're working with these bleeding hemorrhoids all day? 345 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:57,958 You heard me, Liam. 346 00:15:58,041 --> 00:15:59,791 You're the only teacher who can't swim. 347 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,125 Lots of people can't swim. 348 00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,000 I'm gonna fuck his dad, become his stepmom, 349 00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:04,208 and put him up for adoption. 350 00:16:04,291 --> 00:16:05,875 We're not supposed to threaten them. 351 00:16:05,958 --> 00:16:08,625 Lanes, this is me. You got this, bitch. You're the GOAT. 352 00:16:08,708 --> 00:16:11,041 Don't talk like that in front of the baby. 353 00:16:11,125 --> 00:16:13,291 It's not even a baby yet, it's just an embryo. 354 00:16:13,375 --> 00:16:15,833 It's not even an embryo, it's just fermenting cum. 355 00:16:15,916 --> 00:16:17,916 It's just sitting in there like… [warbles] 356 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,250 Thank you so much for that visual today. 357 00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:24,208 Ha! Golden Girls, Golden Girls. 358 00:16:24,291 --> 00:16:27,166 Wow. How do you even know that show? Aren't you too young? 359 00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:30,041 No, I looked up older lady references so I could connect with you guys, 360 00:16:30,125 --> 00:16:31,708 my senior coworkers. 361 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,833 Now, let me see the hand. 362 00:16:33,916 --> 00:16:36,208 I need to go live with this to show my followers. 363 00:16:36,291 --> 00:16:38,625 -No, you don't need to see my hand. -Let me see. Stop. 364 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,291 Okay. 365 00:16:42,375 --> 00:16:44,083 -Oh, no. -No, it's good. 366 00:16:44,166 --> 00:16:45,750 Looks like I got some bad intel. 367 00:16:45,833 --> 00:16:47,333 No, it's actually really good. 368 00:16:47,416 --> 00:16:50,333 I decided I wasn't ready to settle down. 369 00:16:50,416 --> 00:16:52,166 Really? At your age, honey? 370 00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:55,791 Because aren't you in your, like… [gags] 371 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:57,916 …forties? 372 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,833 -Yes, I am. Are you okay? -[gags] 373 00:17:00,916 --> 00:17:03,416 -I'm so sorry. -It's fine. Please. 374 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:04,625 -Okay. -Okay. 375 00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:07,166 God, I hate her. 376 00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:08,291 She's the worst. 377 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:09,625 [techno music playing] 378 00:17:09,708 --> 00:17:12,833 It's like, look at that. She's a teacher of children. 379 00:17:14,708 --> 00:17:16,500 Are you allowed to smoke in here? 380 00:17:16,583 --> 00:17:17,750 Yeah, it's just pot. 381 00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:24,083 Can you believe that tarantula's gonna be a mother? 382 00:17:24,166 --> 00:17:25,583 Shirley's pregnant? 383 00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:26,625 Yeah. 384 00:17:27,166 --> 00:17:29,375 Her and Kate will be together all the time, 385 00:17:29,458 --> 00:17:31,833 which frees us up to work on our friendship. 386 00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:37,250 [Shirley] One, two. One, two. One, five, six, seven, eight. 387 00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:38,958 [somber music playing] 388 00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:44,500 [Lainy sighing] 389 00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:47,083 No, no, no. 390 00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:48,791 Oh, God. Would you talk to me? 391 00:17:49,458 --> 00:17:50,458 Please. 392 00:17:50,541 --> 00:17:52,291 -Hi! -Would you just talk to me? 393 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:55,041 Lainy. Oh, my God, what are you doing here? 394 00:17:55,125 --> 00:17:58,291 -Oh, getting coffee. It's a coffee shop. -You okay? 395 00:17:58,375 --> 00:18:00,000 -I'm good. -Want to talk about it? 396 00:18:00,083 --> 00:18:00,916 -Nope. -Chin up. 397 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,875 -Okay, please get off of me. -My God, sad outfit. 398 00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:06,000 I'm just catching up with a good friend, so I can't really talk. 399 00:18:06,625 --> 00:18:07,708 Who's this? 400 00:18:07,791 --> 00:18:08,708 Um… 401 00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:10,583 Latte. 402 00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:12,541 -His name's Latte? -Yeah. 403 00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:17,708 Yeah. It's, you know, just spelled like latte. [chuckling] 404 00:18:18,291 --> 00:18:19,208 Would you please? 405 00:18:19,291 --> 00:18:21,041 I did not know you were such a little slut. 406 00:18:21,125 --> 00:18:23,541 -Okay. Please. -I love this for you. So proud. 407 00:18:23,625 --> 00:18:24,750 [Lainy] Okay. Thank you. 408 00:18:24,833 --> 00:18:28,000 No, I don't… want to do this. 409 00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:29,208 Can I use your bathroom? 410 00:18:29,291 --> 00:18:30,875 -[man] Yeah. Right there. -Oh, God. 411 00:18:30,958 --> 00:18:32,083 She stresses me out. 412 00:18:32,166 --> 00:18:34,250 Sorry, I work with her. She's the worst. 413 00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:37,916 She's always just, like, talking to me, you know? 414 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,333 Kind of like, I guess, what I'm doing to you right now. 415 00:18:41,416 --> 00:18:43,750 Well, you gotta pay that stuff forward, right? 416 00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,291 [chuckles] 417 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,250 Wait a second. 418 00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:48,750 Old Navy? 419 00:18:48,833 --> 00:18:52,208 Oh my gosh. This is really amazing. 420 00:18:52,958 --> 00:18:54,208 Are you my mirror? 421 00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:59,583 -No, it's not good. -We got to work on our mirror work. 422 00:18:59,666 --> 00:19:01,666 Look, I don't want to upset you, 423 00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:05,666 but Old Navy is in no way affiliated with the Navy. 424 00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:07,875 -What? -I know, I'm so sorry. 425 00:19:07,958 --> 00:19:09,666 -Oh, no. -Somebody had to tell you. 426 00:19:09,750 --> 00:19:11,125 You're old enough to know now. 427 00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:15,125 I have to stop thanking all their employees for their service. 428 00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:16,958 Yeah, and applying for veterans' benefits. 429 00:19:17,041 --> 00:19:17,916 [chuckles] 430 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,375 What is your name again? 431 00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:20,458 My name is Latte. 432 00:19:20,541 --> 00:19:23,583 -No, stop. What was your real name? -My name is Josh. 433 00:19:23,666 --> 00:19:25,500 -Josh? [chuckling] -Yeah. 434 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,041 -Well… -[clears throat] 435 00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:31,041 Black cold brew for Josh. 436 00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:33,166 -That's me. -Cold brew in the winter? 437 00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:35,583 -And… -You don't have to say it. I'm right here. 438 00:19:35,666 --> 00:19:37,541 -You don't-- -Kid's hot chocolate with… 439 00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:39,666 …a crazy-slash-ridiculous amount of whipped cream. 440 00:19:39,750 --> 00:19:42,083 So much whipped cream that it's pretty much a milkshake. 441 00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:43,291 For Sasha Fierce. 442 00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:45,916 -Wow. -Thank you. Very thorough. 443 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,625 You can give them any name you want. 444 00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,125 I'm trying to live out loud. 445 00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:52,541 -Well, that's deafening. -Yeah. 446 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,041 -Yeah. -[chill music playing] 447 00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:56,125 All right. I'm going this way, which… 448 00:19:56,208 --> 00:19:57,791 -I'm over here. -All right. 449 00:19:57,875 --> 00:19:59,416 -Have a nice day. -You too. 450 00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:01,250 See you when we're both swabbing the deck. 451 00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:02,958 What's that? 452 00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:07,625 I was going for another Old Navy… bit. 453 00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:10,125 Oh, yeah. Uh, anchors away. Land ho! 454 00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:11,458 What'd you call me? 455 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:15,333 Oh! Sorry. Land sophisticated lady. 456 00:20:17,791 --> 00:20:18,750 Bye, Latte. 457 00:20:18,833 --> 00:20:19,916 Ms. Fierce. 458 00:20:27,625 --> 00:20:28,666 [music fades] 459 00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:31,500 Everything's so soft here. 460 00:20:31,583 --> 00:20:32,583 I know. 461 00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:35,791 Oh, God, these mannequins are really freaking me out. 462 00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,500 That's what you're going to look like. 463 00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:41,375 I'm with child. 464 00:20:41,458 --> 00:20:43,000 -Sanpellegrino. -Thank you. 465 00:20:43,083 --> 00:20:44,166 Thank you. 466 00:20:46,875 --> 00:20:48,916 Man, my boobs really hurt. 467 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,125 -Really? -Yeah. 468 00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:52,375 And I can't stop puking. 469 00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:54,041 [groans] 470 00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:55,833 -Oh, that's cute. -Gross. 471 00:20:56,916 --> 00:20:59,708 Does it look like "picking up the boys from soccer"? 472 00:20:59,791 --> 00:21:01,458 -[Lainy sighing] -[Kate chuckling] 473 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,000 You know, this store is just… It's a little much, right? 474 00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:10,833 Yeah, no, it's like, it's awful. We didn't have to do this. 475 00:21:10,916 --> 00:21:13,416 You dragged me in here. I wanted to get a pedicure. 476 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:14,625 No, no, no. 477 00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:17,125 I just want you to see how supportive I am. 478 00:21:17,208 --> 00:21:20,375 And you are. I always feel supported by you. 479 00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:22,916 If this is too hard, that's okay. 480 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,958 No, it's not tough for me. 481 00:21:25,041 --> 00:21:26,208 I've just… 482 00:21:26,291 --> 00:21:29,666 I've been feeling a little lonely lately, but I, uh… 483 00:21:30,833 --> 00:21:33,833 You know, you probably don't even remember what that's like. 484 00:21:33,916 --> 00:21:37,625 Uh, married people can feel very lonely. 485 00:21:37,708 --> 00:21:39,666 I have been really horny, though. 486 00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:43,041 -Really? -I can't stop masturbating to weird stuff. 487 00:21:43,125 --> 00:21:43,958 [Lainy] Oh. 488 00:21:44,041 --> 00:21:46,750 -Like The Golden Bachelor. -Yeah? 489 00:21:46,833 --> 00:21:49,208 Something about it. Maybe because my dad left? 490 00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:53,708 Okay. You know, we should have more, like, secrets. 491 00:21:54,458 --> 00:21:56,333 -[groans] -What's wrong? 492 00:21:56,416 --> 00:21:58,791 -I'm gonna throw up my acai bowl. -Oh. 493 00:21:59,541 --> 00:22:01,875 -You want me to hold your hair? -No. I'm okay. 494 00:22:01,958 --> 00:22:02,875 [Kate retching] 495 00:22:07,666 --> 00:22:09,666 [mysterious music playing] 496 00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,541 [Lainy inhaling, exhaling] 497 00:22:29,208 --> 00:22:31,208 [wondrous music playing] 498 00:22:44,541 --> 00:22:48,666 Yeah. I'm 11 months, he won't come out. 499 00:22:48,750 --> 00:22:51,375 I'm gonna start charging him rent. It's so hard. 500 00:22:51,458 --> 00:22:54,166 [woman] Miss, are you all right in there? Do you need another size? 501 00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:55,916 No, I don't. Thank you. 502 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,875 Oh, sweetheart. 503 00:22:58,625 --> 00:23:02,541 I know. You're adjusting to the changes your body is going through. 504 00:23:02,625 --> 00:23:05,416 Just remember, this is a gift. 505 00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:07,833 You and your husband must be so excited. 506 00:23:07,916 --> 00:23:10,375 Or your wife. Or your… 507 00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:14,583 DoorDash driver. 508 00:23:15,166 --> 00:23:16,041 Oh. 509 00:23:16,125 --> 00:23:18,791 Uh, can I have a moment? Can we have a moment? 510 00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:21,916 Women are miracles. How far along are you? 511 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,833 Maybe, judging by your facial bloating, five months? 512 00:23:24,916 --> 00:23:26,833 -I'll break your fucking neck. -What was that? 513 00:23:26,916 --> 00:23:28,750 I've been a freaking wreck. 514 00:23:28,833 --> 00:23:32,208 Well, I would be too if my ankles were that big. 515 00:23:32,291 --> 00:23:34,458 So how long have you been pregnant? 516 00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:37,666 Thanksgiving. 517 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:40,375 Thanksgiving. It's my favorite parade. 518 00:23:40,458 --> 00:23:41,291 What? 519 00:23:41,375 --> 00:23:44,541 I'm gonna go and get you a burrito, and then I'm gonna rub your feet. 520 00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:46,625 -You need to be pampered. -Yes, I do. 521 00:23:46,708 --> 00:23:48,875 -Okay, stay right there. -Yes. I will. 522 00:23:48,958 --> 00:23:49,958 Okay. 523 00:23:51,208 --> 00:23:52,291 [mouthing] 524 00:23:53,625 --> 00:23:54,625 [Kate] Lainy? 525 00:23:55,125 --> 00:23:55,958 [velcro tearing] 526 00:23:56,041 --> 00:23:57,958 [mysterious music playing] 527 00:24:00,291 --> 00:24:02,625 -Come on. -Do I have anything on my face? 528 00:24:02,708 --> 00:24:05,291 No, you're great. You know, everyone likes water. 529 00:24:05,375 --> 00:24:06,458 [music fades] 530 00:24:14,666 --> 00:24:15,583 [student coughing] 531 00:24:25,666 --> 00:24:27,250 [line ringing] 532 00:24:28,375 --> 00:24:29,666 [Dave] Hey, you've reached Dave. 533 00:24:29,750 --> 00:24:31,208 -[Moira] And Moira. -[Andy] And Andy. 534 00:24:31,291 --> 00:24:32,916 [all] We're busy right now. 535 00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:34,583 [Dave] Leave a message. 536 00:24:34,666 --> 00:24:36,125 Get your finger out of there. 537 00:24:37,458 --> 00:24:39,000 [indistinct chatter] 538 00:24:39,083 --> 00:24:41,083 [contemplative music playing] 539 00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:46,333 Hi! 540 00:24:48,041 --> 00:24:49,791 -I heard you coming. -How you doing? 541 00:24:49,875 --> 00:24:51,083 -Oh, my gosh. -You good? 542 00:24:51,166 --> 00:24:52,375 Yeah. I'm good. 543 00:24:53,333 --> 00:24:55,375 I texted you last night. Did you get it? 544 00:24:55,458 --> 00:24:57,458 [somber acoustic music playing] 545 00:25:01,791 --> 00:25:05,916 Mmm! So great. You guys do a great job. 546 00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:27,625 [keyboard clacking] 547 00:25:37,708 --> 00:25:39,708 [music fades] 548 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,750 [mysterious music playing] 549 00:25:51,916 --> 00:25:53,500 [uplifting music playing] 550 00:25:53,583 --> 00:25:54,458 [chuckles softly] 551 00:25:55,708 --> 00:25:57,166 Mazel, mazel, mazel. 552 00:25:57,250 --> 00:25:58,500 [Lainy chuckling] Thank you. 553 00:25:58,583 --> 00:25:59,916 Congratulations, Mama. 554 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,333 Oh, thanks. 555 00:26:05,958 --> 00:26:07,041 Looking good, Mama. 556 00:26:07,125 --> 00:26:08,208 Oh! 557 00:26:08,291 --> 00:26:09,375 Thanks. 558 00:26:10,416 --> 00:26:12,375 Bro, move, she's pregnant. 559 00:26:13,708 --> 00:26:14,916 [Lainy chuckling] 560 00:26:15,916 --> 00:26:18,416 [Lainy chuckling] 561 00:26:20,166 --> 00:26:21,166 Pregnant. 562 00:26:22,708 --> 00:26:27,333 [automated voice] The next stop is Metropolitan Avenue/Lorimer Street. 563 00:26:27,416 --> 00:26:28,500 [intercom beeps] 564 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:33,958 [Lainy coughs] 565 00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:36,291 Oh, oh. 566 00:26:36,375 --> 00:26:37,375 Thanks, yeah. 567 00:26:41,541 --> 00:26:43,416 -You look so beautiful. -Yeah. 568 00:26:44,375 --> 00:26:46,208 Oh, thank you. 569 00:26:46,791 --> 00:26:49,250 It's like your skin is glowing. 570 00:26:49,916 --> 00:26:50,916 Wow. 571 00:26:51,666 --> 00:26:53,875 It's probably because I'm pregnant. [chuckling] 572 00:26:53,958 --> 00:26:54,833 [woman chuckling] 573 00:26:54,916 --> 00:26:56,875 Mom, I want to get pregnant. 574 00:26:56,958 --> 00:26:59,916 -I want to get pregnant tonight. -What? No, no, you don't. 575 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,958 -Not when you're 15. -You never let me do anything! 576 00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:07,083 [mouthing] Sorry. 577 00:27:07,666 --> 00:27:09,083 [mouthing] Fuck you. 578 00:27:12,291 --> 00:27:14,458 -[mysterious music playing] -[indistinct chatter] 579 00:27:15,166 --> 00:27:16,541 Hey. Thanks. 580 00:27:20,208 --> 00:27:21,791 [women chattering indistinctly] 581 00:27:23,083 --> 00:27:25,083 [soft music playing] 582 00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:32,416 Everyone settle. 583 00:27:33,500 --> 00:27:35,125 Mamaste. 584 00:27:35,208 --> 00:27:36,416 [all] Mamaste. 585 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:41,708 Let's all take a slow breath into our space of motherhood. 586 00:27:41,791 --> 00:27:44,208 Inhale and pull up from the vagina. 587 00:27:44,291 --> 00:27:45,791 [instructor inhaling] 588 00:27:45,875 --> 00:27:49,625 And exhale through your butthole. 589 00:27:49,708 --> 00:27:51,666 [women farting] 590 00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:56,000 Up, up, up through the vagina. 591 00:27:56,083 --> 00:28:00,916 And out the anus butt. 592 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,375 [farting continues] 593 00:28:04,666 --> 00:28:06,708 Now open your eyes. 594 00:28:06,791 --> 00:28:08,125 Welcome. 595 00:28:08,208 --> 00:28:10,708 Before we begin, any new mamas here today? 596 00:28:10,791 --> 00:28:12,541 There's a new next to me. 597 00:28:12,625 --> 00:28:13,625 Mamaste. 598 00:28:13,708 --> 00:28:15,875 -Mamaste. -[all] Mamaste. 599 00:28:15,958 --> 00:28:18,500 Mama some. Moccasin. 600 00:28:18,583 --> 00:28:20,541 How many weeks are you? 601 00:28:22,291 --> 00:28:23,916 We do the Mayan calendar, 602 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,458 so it's like Labor Day, leap year, 603 00:28:27,541 --> 00:28:28,625 Thanksgiving. 604 00:28:29,291 --> 00:28:32,166 Sorry, I'm in my space still, but do your class. 605 00:28:32,250 --> 00:28:34,500 -[woman farts] -Let's keep those in now. 606 00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:37,916 You are so very welcome here today. 607 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:42,041 Now let's all get into happy baby or whatever pose feels right to you. 608 00:28:43,833 --> 00:28:45,166 [woman clearing throat] 609 00:28:45,250 --> 00:28:47,875 [women groaning, exhaling] 610 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:57,833 [woman 2 moaning, exhaling] 611 00:29:05,791 --> 00:29:06,833 [softly] Okay… 612 00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:11,791 Hmm… Oh! 613 00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:12,708 [Lainy grunting] 614 00:29:12,791 --> 00:29:15,833 -[all gasping] -Holy fuck! Oh, God. 615 00:29:15,916 --> 00:29:17,416 I'm okay. I'm fine. 616 00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:20,416 -Please don't touch me. -I just want to make sure that the baby-- 617 00:29:20,500 --> 00:29:22,541 Hey, hey, step away from her. 618 00:29:22,625 --> 00:29:24,583 If she wants help, she will ask. 619 00:29:25,625 --> 00:29:27,083 [grunts loudly] 620 00:29:34,083 --> 00:29:35,625 Hey, hey. 621 00:29:36,125 --> 00:29:39,500 Thank you so much for standing up for me in there. 622 00:29:39,583 --> 00:29:41,208 Of course. Are you okay? 623 00:29:41,291 --> 00:29:42,708 Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Yeah. 624 00:29:42,791 --> 00:29:45,375 The energy in there was just like a little nuts. 625 00:29:45,458 --> 00:29:48,208 -Right, yeah. -Thought I would try the yoga thing… 626 00:29:48,291 --> 00:29:50,500 …but that was obviously not for me. 627 00:29:50,583 --> 00:29:53,916 It smelled like a fucking queef salad in there. 628 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:55,375 Yeah, it did. 629 00:29:55,458 --> 00:29:57,125 Right? It's disgusting. 630 00:29:57,708 --> 00:29:59,333 -Yeah. I'm Megan. -Lainy. 631 00:29:59,416 --> 00:30:03,333 Ugh, my hormones are out of control, and my husband is driving me insane. 632 00:30:03,416 --> 00:30:04,875 I'm sure I don't have to tell you. 633 00:30:04,958 --> 00:30:09,416 Well, actually, I don't have a husband, so you probably do have to tell me. 634 00:30:10,583 --> 00:30:12,291 Oh, because I… 635 00:30:13,291 --> 00:30:15,041 We're not together. 636 00:30:15,125 --> 00:30:17,958 I'm single, doing it alone. 637 00:30:18,041 --> 00:30:19,791 Bless you, that is so brave. 638 00:30:19,875 --> 00:30:21,541 -Thank you. Yeah. -Yeah. 639 00:30:22,166 --> 00:30:24,375 How's it going? How's your pregnancy going? 640 00:30:24,458 --> 00:30:25,541 Perfect… 641 00:30:27,333 --> 00:30:29,750 …ly sucky. 642 00:30:29,833 --> 00:30:30,958 -God, it sucks. -Yeah. 643 00:30:31,041 --> 00:30:34,375 Right? I hope this little shit appreciates everything I'm going through. 644 00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:35,458 -Well, it won't. -Right. 645 00:30:35,541 --> 00:30:36,416 How are your nipples? 646 00:30:37,291 --> 00:30:38,125 Real big. 647 00:30:38,208 --> 00:30:40,458 No, no, no, I meant, are they dry? 648 00:30:41,250 --> 00:30:42,833 Because mine are like scones. 649 00:30:42,916 --> 00:30:45,916 So dry. I thought it was the only one. 650 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,666 No, I have the best nipple balm. 651 00:30:47,750 --> 00:30:49,083 [Lainy] Really? Wow. 652 00:30:49,166 --> 00:30:52,166 -You should get some of this. -Oh my God. Yes. Thank you so much. 653 00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:53,416 God, I need it. 654 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,916 Ugh! [chuckles] 655 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,333 Is that a normal amount or… 656 00:30:57,416 --> 00:30:59,791 [Megan] A little bit actually does go a pretty long way… 657 00:30:59,875 --> 00:31:01,291 -…but that's okay. -Thank God. 658 00:31:01,375 --> 00:31:03,916 Oh, little bit? Okay. I'll put the rest of it back. 659 00:31:04,708 --> 00:31:06,333 Actually, why don't you keep it? 660 00:31:06,416 --> 00:31:08,166 -Are you sure? -Yeah, totally. 661 00:31:08,250 --> 00:31:09,375 -That's so nice. -Yeah. 662 00:31:09,458 --> 00:31:11,458 I wish I had something cool to give you. 663 00:31:11,541 --> 00:31:12,916 -You're so funny. -Thank you. 664 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,833 Is it weird if I ask you to hang out? 665 00:31:14,916 --> 00:31:16,666 No, no, I would love to hang out. 666 00:31:16,750 --> 00:31:18,125 -Amazing. -Yes. 667 00:31:18,208 --> 00:31:19,875 Oh, fancy seeing you here. 668 00:31:19,958 --> 00:31:23,666 -There's my guys. -Oh my God. So cute. 669 00:31:23,750 --> 00:31:25,125 -Yeah. -Hi. 670 00:31:25,208 --> 00:31:28,000 Cute little face almost tore my asshole open. 671 00:31:28,083 --> 00:31:30,333 Why don't you come over for dinner this week? 672 00:31:30,416 --> 00:31:31,833 -Hey! -Put yourself in. Here. 673 00:31:31,916 --> 00:31:33,791 -Okay. -And I'm Steve, by the way. 674 00:31:33,875 --> 00:31:35,333 -Hi. -Sorry, my husband, Steve. 675 00:31:35,416 --> 00:31:36,416 Congratulations. 676 00:31:36,500 --> 00:31:37,791 On what? 677 00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:41,166 On being preg… pregnant? 678 00:31:41,875 --> 00:31:44,291 Oh, yeah, I am pregnant. 679 00:31:44,375 --> 00:31:46,541 -Oh… [chuckles] -Sorry, I… 680 00:31:47,125 --> 00:31:50,416 Pregnant, loving it, but hating it. Ugh! God. 681 00:31:51,541 --> 00:31:53,416 -Right? -All right. Well, we'll see you later. 682 00:31:53,500 --> 00:31:54,791 Yeah. Nice to meet you. 683 00:31:54,875 --> 00:31:56,791 Nice to meet you. Bye, little cutie. 684 00:31:56,875 --> 00:31:58,541 [Megan] Why are you so early? 685 00:31:58,625 --> 00:31:59,583 [Steve] Was that early? 686 00:31:59,666 --> 00:32:01,333 What the fuck am I doing? 687 00:32:02,083 --> 00:32:02,916 [sighs] 688 00:32:05,041 --> 00:32:07,125 ["RIDE" by Mia Rodriguez playing] 689 00:32:09,791 --> 00:32:11,750 Thanks for coming to this. 690 00:32:11,833 --> 00:32:13,583 Hey, I want to spend time with you. 691 00:32:13,666 --> 00:32:17,791 If that means I'm going to Shirley's corny gender reveal party, so be it. 692 00:32:17,875 --> 00:32:19,875 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 693 00:32:19,958 --> 00:32:22,916 So, I was thinking about your baby shower, 694 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,541 and I think we should do, like, a Real Housewives of New Jersey theme. 695 00:32:26,625 --> 00:32:30,583 -Like, big hair, long nails. -Yeah? 696 00:32:30,666 --> 00:32:32,333 -Like, really go for it. -Yeah. 697 00:32:32,416 --> 00:32:36,750 Well, um, it's just going to have to be a joint baby shower. 698 00:32:37,458 --> 00:32:38,333 Joint with who? 699 00:32:38,416 --> 00:32:39,666 [Shirley squealing] 700 00:32:40,958 --> 00:32:44,458 Oh, my God, you're so pretty! Oh, oh… 701 00:32:44,541 --> 00:32:46,541 Sad. Your life. 702 00:32:46,625 --> 00:32:47,500 Okay. 703 00:32:47,583 --> 00:32:48,916 I'm so proud of you. 704 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,875 Wait, come outside. We are about to do the reveal. Ah, ah! 705 00:32:51,958 --> 00:32:53,916 -So squishy. Okay, come on, guys. -Okay. 706 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,208 [Shirley] Piñata time! Let's go. 707 00:32:56,291 --> 00:32:58,791 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. 708 00:32:58,875 --> 00:33:01,958 Gather round, mother fingerers, I want to make a toast. 709 00:33:02,041 --> 00:33:05,750 Well, looks like I got my baby girl pregnant. 710 00:33:05,833 --> 00:33:08,083 -Whoopsie daisy. -[cheering] 711 00:33:08,166 --> 00:33:10,958 Turns out my scrote gravy's more potent than I thought, 712 00:33:11,041 --> 00:33:13,541 shooting premium gasolina. 713 00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:16,458 This guy's the reason there's so many lesbians now. 714 00:33:16,541 --> 00:33:18,875 All right, should we fuck up this baby or what? 715 00:33:18,958 --> 00:33:21,625 -[all cheering] -Hold on! I want to do a speech. 716 00:33:21,708 --> 00:33:22,833 It's my time, baby. 717 00:33:22,916 --> 00:33:24,333 -[man] Yeah, go ahead. -I love you. 718 00:33:24,416 --> 00:33:25,708 -I love you. -I love you. 719 00:33:25,791 --> 00:33:26,875 [crowd] Aw. 720 00:33:26,958 --> 00:33:29,208 -I'm going to go kill myself. -No, no, no. 721 00:33:29,291 --> 00:33:32,458 So, we weren't sure if it should be Rawn or me who whack the piñata 722 00:33:32,541 --> 00:33:34,125 to reveal our baby's gender. 723 00:33:34,208 --> 00:33:37,083 But we have finally decided that the honor 724 00:33:37,166 --> 00:33:40,250 should go to someone who's gone through some really tough times lately. 725 00:33:40,333 --> 00:33:43,833 So, I thought this might lift that 200-pound spirit off the ground. 726 00:33:43,916 --> 00:33:46,708 Lainy, get up here and whack this baby! 727 00:33:46,791 --> 00:33:48,125 [all cheering] 728 00:33:48,208 --> 00:33:49,583 -Lucky. -Stop. 729 00:33:49,666 --> 00:33:52,041 Uh, yeah, I'd rather not. 730 00:33:52,125 --> 00:33:53,000 Boo! 731 00:33:54,916 --> 00:33:56,708 Go. Come on. 732 00:33:56,791 --> 00:33:58,791 Okay, got it. Thank you. 733 00:33:58,875 --> 00:34:00,916 -[man] Yeah, give it a whack! -Okay. 734 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,375 [all cheering] 735 00:34:02,458 --> 00:34:05,541 Okay, I really don't understand why I'm the one doing this. 736 00:34:05,625 --> 00:34:07,625 [upbeat music playing] 737 00:34:08,333 --> 00:34:09,625 Fuck the haters. 738 00:34:10,791 --> 00:34:12,666 -[groans] -[all gasping] 739 00:34:13,250 --> 00:34:14,916 I'm okay. I'm okay. 740 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,458 [all exclaiming] 741 00:34:16,541 --> 00:34:18,541 -Oh my God! -[woman] She can't swim! 742 00:34:18,625 --> 00:34:20,416 -Shit. -[man] She can't swim! 743 00:34:21,458 --> 00:34:22,583 [woman 2] Hang on! 744 00:34:23,416 --> 00:34:26,541 It's a girl! It's red inside! 745 00:34:26,625 --> 00:34:30,166 It's blood! That's your blood! 746 00:34:31,041 --> 00:34:32,500 Whoo! 747 00:34:32,583 --> 00:34:33,583 I'm gonna… 748 00:34:34,708 --> 00:34:36,666 -Oh, God. -[Fallon] Fuck you, Lainy! 749 00:34:36,750 --> 00:34:38,750 [chill music playing] 750 00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:51,875 [woman] She can't swim! 751 00:34:53,250 --> 00:34:54,833 -Lainy, hi. -Hi. 752 00:34:54,916 --> 00:34:56,833 -Come in. -Thank you. Thank you. 753 00:34:56,916 --> 00:34:59,250 -Oh my God. It's so nice. -Oh, thank you. 754 00:34:59,333 --> 00:35:03,125 Yeah. I brought you a book. I think you'll dig her. 755 00:35:03,708 --> 00:35:05,500 Why are you so sweet? 756 00:35:05,583 --> 00:35:07,041 I'm just a really great person. 757 00:35:07,125 --> 00:35:08,375 Should I take my shoes off or… 758 00:35:08,458 --> 00:35:11,541 Uh, yeah, I mean only if you don't mind stepping on food. 759 00:35:11,625 --> 00:35:14,291 Our place is so dirty, it should just be condemned. 760 00:35:15,541 --> 00:35:16,708 [growling] 761 00:35:16,791 --> 00:35:19,375 Hey, he's got the knives again, Steve! 762 00:35:19,458 --> 00:35:20,291 I'm on it! 763 00:35:24,333 --> 00:35:25,375 Sorry. 764 00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:27,750 [Steve] Connor! 765 00:35:29,625 --> 00:35:31,708 Connor, come here, buddy! 766 00:35:32,500 --> 00:35:33,333 [Lainy shushing] 767 00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:36,041 [Steve] Connor! 768 00:35:36,125 --> 00:35:37,875 -Oh, you! -Hi! 769 00:35:37,958 --> 00:35:38,833 He went that way. 770 00:35:38,916 --> 00:35:39,875 -Okay. -Yeah. 771 00:35:41,583 --> 00:35:42,916 [exhales] 772 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,291 [Megan] I've had such a day. 773 00:35:45,375 --> 00:35:48,291 And this gives me such bad heartburn, but I don't even care. 774 00:35:48,375 --> 00:35:50,083 -Thank you. -Of course. 775 00:35:50,958 --> 00:35:55,875 To treating pregnant women like people and believing in science. 776 00:35:56,666 --> 00:35:57,666 Hear, hear! 777 00:35:57,750 --> 00:35:59,583 -Cheers. -Cheers, thank you. 778 00:35:59,666 --> 00:36:02,375 Daddy saves the day. No harm done. 779 00:36:02,458 --> 00:36:03,291 Amazing. 780 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,916 Oh, and I hope you don't mind, but I invited my brother to dinner. 781 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,500 He just moved into our garage. 782 00:36:08,583 --> 00:36:10,291 You make him sound like a loser. 783 00:36:10,375 --> 00:36:11,916 Well, just temporarily. 784 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:13,833 Broke up with this horse twat. 785 00:36:13,916 --> 00:36:17,166 Ever since then, he's just, like, been walking around in sweats. 786 00:36:17,791 --> 00:36:19,000 Pathetic. 787 00:36:19,083 --> 00:36:19,916 Mmm. 788 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,333 You don't drink, Steve? 789 00:36:21,958 --> 00:36:24,458 No. I am in the program. 790 00:36:24,541 --> 00:36:27,083 Yeah, child of an alcoholic right here… 791 00:36:27,166 --> 00:36:28,833 -…so I get it. -[Steve] Oh, no, no. 792 00:36:28,916 --> 00:36:33,166 I'm just a pretty big follower of Jada's Red Table Talk. 793 00:36:33,250 --> 00:36:34,125 Mmm. 794 00:36:34,208 --> 00:36:37,250 And she thinks it's harmful for men to drink. 795 00:36:37,333 --> 00:36:40,000 -Great. -Plus, I'm a really angry drunk. 796 00:36:40,083 --> 00:36:41,000 Like, terrible. 797 00:36:41,083 --> 00:36:43,375 -Steve. -I don't remember, but it happens. 798 00:36:43,458 --> 00:36:44,333 I do. 799 00:36:44,416 --> 00:36:45,458 [cell phone chimes] 800 00:36:45,541 --> 00:36:48,583 Oh. Speak of the queen. New episode, just dropped. 801 00:36:48,666 --> 00:36:51,041 -[Megan] Perfect timing. -See y'all later. 802 00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:52,916 [door opens, closes] 803 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,333 The deadbeat crashing in your garage is here. 804 00:36:55,416 --> 00:36:56,250 [Megan] Hi. 805 00:36:56,958 --> 00:36:58,458 Oh, my God, Latte. 806 00:36:58,541 --> 00:36:59,458 What? 807 00:36:59,541 --> 00:37:00,416 Lainy. 808 00:37:01,416 --> 00:37:02,666 Wow. 809 00:37:02,750 --> 00:37:04,208 You guys know each other? 810 00:37:04,291 --> 00:37:07,166 -Yeah, we do. We met a few weeks ago… -Yeah. 811 00:37:07,250 --> 00:37:08,958 But you didn't seem like you were… 812 00:37:10,750 --> 00:37:12,000 Rockin' a baby? 813 00:37:12,083 --> 00:37:13,250 Yeah, exactly. 814 00:37:13,875 --> 00:37:17,333 Old Navy clothes. You can hide anything in there, right? 815 00:37:17,416 --> 00:37:18,833 -Wow. -[Lainy chuckling] 816 00:37:18,916 --> 00:37:21,833 -This is nuts. -Where did you two meet? 817 00:37:21,916 --> 00:37:24,750 A coffee shop. I feel like I was just buying coffee, 818 00:37:24,833 --> 00:37:28,000 and then he just came up to me and started talking my ear off. 819 00:37:28,083 --> 00:37:30,250 And usually I wouldn't talk to a stranger, 820 00:37:30,333 --> 00:37:32,333 but it seemed like he really needed someone. 821 00:37:32,416 --> 00:37:35,541 Yeah, and Lainy got some kind of pudding milkshake? 822 00:37:35,625 --> 00:37:37,916 Huh. Was it a pudding milk… It was… 823 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,250 I remember there being a lot more nutrition in it than that, but… 824 00:37:41,333 --> 00:37:43,625 -Should've gotten a double. Yeah. -[chuckles] I did. 825 00:37:43,708 --> 00:37:45,583 -Oh, you did? Okay. -I actually did. 826 00:37:45,666 --> 00:37:46,958 [both chuckle] 827 00:37:47,041 --> 00:37:49,583 So, is your husband here? 828 00:37:50,166 --> 00:37:52,333 I don't have a husband. 829 00:37:52,416 --> 00:37:54,416 Wow. Josh. That's very subtle. 830 00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:56,333 What? I can, you know, ask anything. 831 00:37:56,416 --> 00:37:58,666 It's not like I'm saying, "Hey, are you single?" 832 00:37:58,750 --> 00:38:00,041 I mean, you're single, though? 833 00:38:00,125 --> 00:38:01,000 -Yeah. -Yeah. 834 00:38:01,083 --> 00:38:04,083 This is just from, like, a one-night thing, so… 835 00:38:04,166 --> 00:38:06,166 -Okay. I mean, great. -Yeah. 836 00:38:06,250 --> 00:38:07,333 On Thanksgiving. 837 00:38:07,916 --> 00:38:08,750 Really? 838 00:38:08,833 --> 00:38:09,833 Wow. 839 00:38:09,916 --> 00:38:12,416 -Yeah. -People usually stay home on Thanksgiving. 840 00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:13,333 What a rebel. 841 00:38:13,416 --> 00:38:15,791 Yeah. Not me. I get right out there. 842 00:38:15,875 --> 00:38:20,625 I get those sweet Black Friday-eve deals. 843 00:38:21,458 --> 00:38:23,916 You got pregnant at a Black Friday sale? 844 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:29,500 Yep. Nothing gets me riled up like a coupon for a Vitamix. 845 00:38:31,291 --> 00:38:32,500 Yeah. 846 00:38:32,583 --> 00:38:36,583 -Anybody want tea? I could go for some. -Sure. 847 00:38:36,666 --> 00:38:39,208 -Can we make tea? -No, please. Yeah. Here, I got some. 848 00:38:39,291 --> 00:38:41,375 -I'll have some black tea. -Oh. 849 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,041 Black tea. Cool guy. 850 00:38:44,125 --> 00:38:46,750 That's me. You know, throw some honey in my shit. 851 00:38:46,833 --> 00:38:48,791 Did I tell you I'm a tea-cher? 852 00:38:48,875 --> 00:38:50,375 You did not tell me that. 853 00:38:50,958 --> 00:38:51,791 What do you do? 854 00:38:51,875 --> 00:38:55,875 I am the Chief Zamboni Officer at Wollman Rink. 855 00:38:55,958 --> 00:38:58,083 -Wow. Cool. -Fire. 856 00:38:58,166 --> 00:39:00,458 Yeah, fire. Or whatever my students say. 857 00:39:00,541 --> 00:39:03,625 -No, no, no. You're on fire! -Oh my God! I'm on fire! 858 00:39:04,291 --> 00:39:05,500 -Where's my phone? -Lainy! 859 00:39:06,291 --> 00:39:07,666 [Steve] Oh, my God! The baby! 860 00:39:08,375 --> 00:39:09,750 She knows about the baby! 861 00:39:09,833 --> 00:39:12,208 -Fuck this. -No! Steve! 862 00:39:12,291 --> 00:39:14,708 Ten years! Are you kidding me? 863 00:39:14,791 --> 00:39:16,916 -Goddammit! -[roars] 864 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:21,208 ["Gasoline Dreams" by OutKast with Khujo Goodie playing] 865 00:39:21,291 --> 00:39:23,333 ♪ Don't everybody like The taste of apple pie? ♪ 866 00:39:23,416 --> 00:39:26,166 ♪ We'll snap for yo' slice of life I'm tellin' ya why… ♪ 867 00:39:26,250 --> 00:39:27,291 [knock on door] 868 00:39:27,375 --> 00:39:30,291 [Megan] Lainy, are you okay in there? Can I help? 869 00:39:30,916 --> 00:39:31,916 Um… 870 00:39:32,666 --> 00:39:34,416 No, no, no. I'm all good. 871 00:39:34,500 --> 00:39:37,375 It's just a tiny burn. It's very little. Don't worry about me. 872 00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:38,666 I'm a teacher. 873 00:39:38,750 --> 00:39:41,500 We deal with this sort of thing all the time. 874 00:39:42,083 --> 00:39:44,291 -Kids light themselves on fire? -[song fades] 875 00:39:44,375 --> 00:39:47,875 [hesitates] I'm fine. Okay? Don't even think about it. 876 00:39:47,958 --> 00:39:50,708 Okay, I'm coming in, but no touching without permission. 877 00:39:50,791 --> 00:39:52,500 -I promise. -No, no, no. Hold on. 878 00:39:52,583 --> 00:39:54,375 Give me just one second. 879 00:39:54,458 --> 00:39:56,375 -You watch him. -Yeah. 880 00:39:56,458 --> 00:39:57,791 [Megan sighing] 881 00:39:58,791 --> 00:39:59,750 [door closing] 882 00:40:00,708 --> 00:40:02,041 Borrowed your robe. 883 00:40:02,833 --> 00:40:04,166 You borrowed Steve's robe. 884 00:40:09,791 --> 00:40:13,666 I'm okay, by the way. Like, I'm cool to go back out. 885 00:40:13,750 --> 00:40:14,583 No, no, please. 886 00:40:14,666 --> 00:40:17,083 Can we just stay here for like five more minutes? 887 00:40:17,166 --> 00:40:18,000 Yeah. 888 00:40:18,625 --> 00:40:19,750 Yeah. 889 00:40:19,833 --> 00:40:21,291 [exhales] 890 00:40:23,166 --> 00:40:25,041 It's just all so isolating. 891 00:40:26,416 --> 00:40:27,666 Yeah. 892 00:40:27,750 --> 00:40:29,416 And you haven't even had one yet. 893 00:40:30,208 --> 00:40:31,208 Right. 894 00:40:32,666 --> 00:40:33,916 They don't tell you. 895 00:40:35,333 --> 00:40:38,000 Women don't share what it's like, what really happens. 896 00:40:39,041 --> 00:40:41,208 -With pregnancy? -[Megan] With birth. 897 00:40:41,291 --> 00:40:43,416 Think about it. How many birth stories do you know? 898 00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:45,291 [Lainy smacking lips] 899 00:40:46,166 --> 00:40:47,708 -None. -Exactly. 900 00:40:47,791 --> 00:40:50,458 I mean, some will talk about how many hours they labored for, 901 00:40:50,541 --> 00:40:52,625 but that's it. 902 00:40:53,791 --> 00:40:54,750 Why is that? 903 00:40:54,833 --> 00:40:57,416 Because you go through this whole thing, this whole trauma, 904 00:40:57,500 --> 00:40:59,833 and then just, bam, right away, you're a mom. 905 00:40:59,916 --> 00:41:03,291 No time to process what's just happened or what's about to happen. 906 00:41:03,375 --> 00:41:04,291 Right. 907 00:41:06,666 --> 00:41:08,625 Did you have trauma with Connor? 908 00:41:09,250 --> 00:41:12,041 It was actually after he came out. 909 00:41:12,125 --> 00:41:13,666 Everything went awry. 910 00:41:13,750 --> 00:41:15,833 I started bleeding out a lot, and… 911 00:41:16,791 --> 00:41:18,041 Um… 912 00:41:18,125 --> 00:41:21,791 He was on my chest, so I was actually in heaven. 913 00:41:21,875 --> 00:41:23,000 I was so fine. 914 00:41:23,625 --> 00:41:27,041 But what was happening wasn't okay. I was just losing a lot of blood. 915 00:41:27,125 --> 00:41:29,833 And it was the first time I saw Steve scared. 916 00:41:30,625 --> 00:41:33,000 Did you think you were going to, like, die? 917 00:41:34,291 --> 00:41:35,208 Maybe. 918 00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:42,833 God. 919 00:41:43,541 --> 00:41:44,958 Did I just scare you? 920 00:41:47,041 --> 00:41:48,208 No. 921 00:41:48,291 --> 00:41:49,583 Can't wait. [chuckling] 922 00:41:52,791 --> 00:41:55,708 Did your mom talk to you about your birth? 923 00:41:57,916 --> 00:42:00,458 My mom died when I was like six, so… 924 00:42:00,541 --> 00:42:01,916 I'm sorry, Lainy. 925 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:03,208 It's okay. 926 00:42:03,875 --> 00:42:06,541 God, it's so nice to talk to someone real. [chuckling] 927 00:42:10,791 --> 00:42:13,458 Meg, I have to tell you something. 928 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:17,458 I get it. We want to be pregnant so badly, 929 00:42:17,541 --> 00:42:19,791 and then we finally are, and it's out of our control. 930 00:42:19,875 --> 00:42:20,833 It's scary. 931 00:42:20,916 --> 00:42:23,958 My postpartum was so bad with Connor, I didn't think I'd make it. 932 00:42:25,333 --> 00:42:27,958 It's not that. I, um-- 933 00:42:28,041 --> 00:42:31,875 But to see you doing it, and how brave you are… 934 00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:34,583 you give me strength. 935 00:42:35,916 --> 00:42:36,750 [knock on door] 936 00:42:36,833 --> 00:42:40,333 [Josh] Can you smell that? It's like burnt plastic or something. 937 00:42:40,416 --> 00:42:41,541 No. 938 00:42:42,416 --> 00:42:44,625 So I gave him my number. Maybe he calls. 939 00:42:44,708 --> 00:42:48,000 I have no idea what I'm even hoping for at this point. 940 00:42:50,250 --> 00:42:51,250 You know what I'm hoping? 941 00:42:51,333 --> 00:42:53,583 I'm hoping that you get the psychological help 942 00:42:53,666 --> 00:42:55,208 that you so desperately need. 943 00:42:55,291 --> 00:42:57,958 Because you need help. You need not a little help. 944 00:42:58,041 --> 00:43:00,083 You need a paramedic. 945 00:43:00,166 --> 00:43:02,916 You need an ICU nurse. You need a doctor. 946 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:04,250 You need a psychologist. 947 00:43:04,333 --> 00:43:07,000 You need a dentist and a proctologist to work together 948 00:43:07,083 --> 00:43:08,750 and meet each other in the middle 949 00:43:08,833 --> 00:43:11,625 near your foam belly and sort all of that shit out 950 00:43:11,708 --> 00:43:13,541 and, boom, pull it out! 951 00:43:13,625 --> 00:43:17,041 How dare you walk around with that fake fucking belly! 952 00:43:17,125 --> 00:43:18,791 Can you keep it down? 953 00:43:18,875 --> 00:43:21,458 I could. But I won't. 954 00:43:21,541 --> 00:43:24,041 You don't just wake up one morning 955 00:43:24,125 --> 00:43:27,500 and strap it on and now all of a sudden you're all fabulous and pregnant. 956 00:43:27,583 --> 00:43:28,875 That's not how it works. 957 00:43:28,958 --> 00:43:32,375 Honestly, what's going to happen if someone you know catches you with this? 958 00:43:33,708 --> 00:43:36,041 [moaning] What am I going to do? 959 00:43:36,125 --> 00:43:37,791 You'll have a little miscarriage. 960 00:43:37,875 --> 00:43:40,458 Oh my God. Little Susan. 961 00:43:40,541 --> 00:43:44,125 You had all of the names in the world 962 00:43:44,208 --> 00:43:46,500 and that's what you landed on for your fake baby? 963 00:43:46,583 --> 00:43:47,875 Why am I listening to you? 964 00:43:47,958 --> 00:43:50,583 You have three active restraining orders against you. 965 00:43:50,666 --> 00:43:54,041 Which says to me there are three people out there 966 00:43:54,125 --> 00:43:58,416 who sees my passion, who knows that I'm a go-getter. 967 00:43:58,500 --> 00:43:59,500 Not you. 968 00:43:59,583 --> 00:44:02,291 "I gave my number to someone, I hope they call." 969 00:44:02,375 --> 00:44:03,416 Do I do that? 970 00:44:03,500 --> 00:44:05,458 Fuck no! I show up at their work. 971 00:44:05,541 --> 00:44:08,208 I show up at their house. I show up at their mother's house. 972 00:44:08,291 --> 00:44:10,625 I'm fucking everywhere. And that is why-- 973 00:44:10,708 --> 00:44:13,666 Okay, well thank you so much for this very helpful feedback. 974 00:44:13,750 --> 00:44:14,916 You're welcome. 975 00:44:16,250 --> 00:44:17,833 Logan, get in here. 976 00:44:20,458 --> 00:44:21,791 Results are back. 977 00:44:23,041 --> 00:44:24,333 As predicted, 978 00:44:24,416 --> 00:44:25,583 you're stupid. 979 00:44:25,666 --> 00:44:27,750 [Kate sighs] Thanks for shopping with me. 980 00:44:27,833 --> 00:44:30,000 Mark does not give one shit about this baby. 981 00:44:30,083 --> 00:44:31,000 [Lainy] He does. 982 00:44:31,083 --> 00:44:33,083 No, I don't even think he knows the due date. 983 00:44:33,166 --> 00:44:34,750 I'm sure he knows the due date. 984 00:44:34,833 --> 00:44:36,333 Mark, what's the due date? 985 00:44:36,958 --> 00:44:38,166 I'm not hungry, babe. 986 00:44:38,250 --> 00:44:39,583 -Exactly. -He's probably-- 987 00:44:39,666 --> 00:44:41,875 Exactly. Let's check out the baby monitors. 988 00:44:42,666 --> 00:44:44,666 Why is all this shit in black and white? 989 00:44:44,750 --> 00:44:47,666 I don't want the nursery to look like Tim Burton decorated it. 990 00:44:47,750 --> 00:44:50,916 Well, babies can only see black and white in the first couple months. 991 00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:52,208 -Really? -You didn't know that? 992 00:44:52,291 --> 00:44:53,291 Where did you hear that? 993 00:44:53,375 --> 00:44:54,875 Precious Little Strangers. 994 00:44:54,958 --> 00:44:57,125 Precious Little… What is that? What? 995 00:44:57,208 --> 00:44:58,666 It's an Instagram account. 996 00:44:58,750 --> 00:45:01,041 You should be following it. I'm surprised you're not. 997 00:45:01,125 --> 00:45:02,875 Like every pregnant woman follows it. 998 00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:05,791 Okay, not every pregnant woman. 999 00:45:05,875 --> 00:45:08,708 Are you okay? You, like, don't seem excited. 1000 00:45:08,791 --> 00:45:11,791 Well, why are you reading all this pregnancy stuff anyway? 1001 00:45:11,875 --> 00:45:14,833 Because I'm… I want you to see how… 1002 00:45:15,458 --> 00:45:17,583 Like, so I know what you're going through. 1003 00:45:19,125 --> 00:45:21,291 -Well, that's nice. -Yeah. 1004 00:45:21,375 --> 00:45:22,541 -I'm sorry. -It's okay. 1005 00:45:22,625 --> 00:45:24,250 It's probably just my hormones. 1006 00:45:24,333 --> 00:45:25,291 -[Connor] Hi. -[gasps] 1007 00:45:25,375 --> 00:45:26,916 No baby? 1008 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:30,333 Way to pour salt on the wound, kid. He doesn't know what he's saying. 1009 00:45:30,416 --> 00:45:31,583 Why no baby? 1010 00:45:31,666 --> 00:45:35,125 Not everyone has a baby. Okay, kid, move along, please. 1011 00:45:35,208 --> 00:45:37,375 Me hurt baby? [exclaiming] 1012 00:45:37,458 --> 00:45:39,791 [gasps] What a little psycho. 1013 00:45:39,875 --> 00:45:41,416 -Yeah, okay. Let's go. -[Megan] Connor! 1014 00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:42,708 No, that sounds like his mom. 1015 00:45:42,791 --> 00:45:44,875 -We should-- -No. He needs to find his own way. 1016 00:45:44,958 --> 00:45:48,000 -It's the only chance he'll learn. -Stop! We've got to find his parents. 1017 00:45:50,125 --> 00:45:52,333 -Are you hiding? -I'm relaxing. 1018 00:45:52,416 --> 00:45:54,125 What are you hiding from? 1019 00:45:55,250 --> 00:45:57,458 [Megan] Where did you go? Connor, come back here! 1020 00:45:57,541 --> 00:45:59,083 [tense, upbeat music playing] 1021 00:45:59,166 --> 00:46:01,458 [Megan] Connor? Come back here, please! 1022 00:46:04,625 --> 00:46:05,708 Balls. 1023 00:46:06,583 --> 00:46:07,916 -[Megan] Connor! -[gasps] 1024 00:46:09,500 --> 00:46:11,291 [toys squeaking] 1025 00:46:13,291 --> 00:46:14,833 Oh, there you are. 1026 00:46:14,916 --> 00:46:18,750 Don't run away like that again, okay? Ever, ever, ever. Come here. 1027 00:46:20,041 --> 00:46:20,875 Lainy! 1028 00:46:27,833 --> 00:46:29,166 Hey. 1029 00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:30,958 Steve, what the hell? 1030 00:46:31,041 --> 00:46:34,333 It's called an empathy bump, all right? 1031 00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:36,416 So that I can feel your pain. 1032 00:46:37,125 --> 00:46:40,208 And, babe, I've got to say, really not that bad. 1033 00:46:40,291 --> 00:46:42,166 -Get the Mazda. -Yeah. 1034 00:46:43,583 --> 00:46:44,791 Let's go. 1035 00:46:45,916 --> 00:46:46,833 Where's Lainy? 1036 00:46:46,916 --> 00:46:49,333 I don't know. She just disappeared. 1037 00:46:49,916 --> 00:46:51,916 I'm really worried about her, you know? 1038 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,333 No. You need to worry about yourself, okay? 1039 00:46:54,416 --> 00:46:56,625 Lainy is a self-sabotager. 1040 00:46:57,250 --> 00:46:58,333 Ugh. 1041 00:46:58,416 --> 00:47:00,541 I can tell you just learned that phrase. 1042 00:47:01,375 --> 00:47:04,416 No… What gave it away? 1043 00:47:05,708 --> 00:47:06,625 [toy squeaks] 1044 00:47:09,041 --> 00:47:10,500 [breathing deeply] 1045 00:47:10,583 --> 00:47:12,583 [cell phone vibrating] 1046 00:47:15,125 --> 00:47:17,250 -Hello? -[Josh] Hey, Lainy, it's Josh. 1047 00:47:17,333 --> 00:47:19,583 I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time. 1048 00:47:19,666 --> 00:47:26,208 No, no. I was just, um, reading to, uh, sick animals. 1049 00:47:26,875 --> 00:47:28,875 Oh. That's nice. 1050 00:47:28,958 --> 00:47:32,000 Look, I just wanted to see if you wanted to come by the rink this week. 1051 00:47:33,875 --> 00:47:36,083 Oh, gosh, let me check my schedule. 1052 00:47:36,166 --> 00:47:39,583 I'm so busy. Oh! Looks like I'm free. I'll be there. 1053 00:47:39,666 --> 00:47:41,833 Okay, well, how about tomorrow? 1054 00:47:41,916 --> 00:47:43,000 That'd be great. 1055 00:47:43,083 --> 00:47:45,791 Okay, awesome. I guess I'll see you tomorrow. 1056 00:47:45,875 --> 00:47:47,125 See you there. 1057 00:47:48,333 --> 00:47:49,791 [inhaling deeply] 1058 00:47:49,875 --> 00:47:52,083 Things are looking up. 1059 00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:54,458 [toys squeaking] 1060 00:47:59,041 --> 00:48:00,541 [toys squeaking] 1061 00:48:01,875 --> 00:48:04,208 ["Handsome" by Winnetka Bowling League playing] 1062 00:48:05,583 --> 00:48:09,000 God, this feels so good. I haven't done this since I was a teen. 1063 00:48:09,083 --> 00:48:10,291 It never gets old. 1064 00:48:10,875 --> 00:48:12,750 It's the best job in the world. 1065 00:48:13,541 --> 00:48:14,750 [inaudible] 1066 00:48:14,833 --> 00:48:15,708 [horn honking] 1067 00:48:15,791 --> 00:48:18,583 ♪ She don't trust weathermen Holidays, born-agains ♪ 1068 00:48:18,666 --> 00:48:20,500 ♪ Anything that models peace ♪ 1069 00:48:20,583 --> 00:48:23,666 I just loved books. I know it's corny, but, like, 1070 00:48:23,750 --> 00:48:26,291 they changed my life. And poetry. 1071 00:48:26,375 --> 00:48:28,916 -Who's your favorite? -Anne Sexton. 1072 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,291 [inaudible] 1073 00:48:31,375 --> 00:48:32,625 [Lainy] Ever hear of her? 1074 00:48:32,708 --> 00:48:35,250 Who hasn't heard of Anne Sexton? You know? 1075 00:48:35,333 --> 00:48:36,208 You? 1076 00:48:36,291 --> 00:48:38,750 Yes, me is one of those people. 1077 00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:41,166 Am I better on the ice than you thought I was gonna be? 1078 00:48:42,166 --> 00:48:43,083 Fuck! 1079 00:48:44,333 --> 00:48:45,625 -You okay? -Yeah. 1080 00:48:45,708 --> 00:48:47,083 -What if you just kinda like… -Oh! 1081 00:48:47,166 --> 00:48:48,416 [men exclaiming] 1082 00:48:48,500 --> 00:48:51,416 -[gasps] -All right, team… 1083 00:48:51,500 --> 00:48:53,333 -Sorry, I'm a little… -Nice job! 1084 00:48:53,416 --> 00:48:55,291 ♪ Take her out dancing ♪ 1085 00:48:55,375 --> 00:48:59,250 ♪ Mister, you're missing it still ♪ 1086 00:48:59,333 --> 00:49:00,416 Oh my God! 1087 00:49:02,541 --> 00:49:04,541 You know how to do anything cool, though? 1088 00:49:04,625 --> 00:49:08,333 ["Slow Motion" by Juvenile featuring Soulja Slim playing] 1089 00:49:08,416 --> 00:49:09,583 ♪ I don't know how to act ♪ 1090 00:49:09,666 --> 00:49:12,583 ♪ Slow motion for me, slow motion for me ♪ 1091 00:49:12,666 --> 00:49:15,333 ♪ Slow motion for me Move in slow motion for me ♪ 1092 00:49:15,833 --> 00:49:17,083 [song fades] 1093 00:49:18,083 --> 00:49:20,583 How'd you know you were ready to be a mom? 1094 00:49:21,166 --> 00:49:22,833 [contemplative music playing] 1095 00:49:22,916 --> 00:49:24,000 [Lainy] Oh… 1096 00:49:25,208 --> 00:49:26,208 I mean… 1097 00:49:26,958 --> 00:49:28,166 Everyone wants that. 1098 00:49:28,916 --> 00:49:29,916 You wanna… 1099 00:49:31,333 --> 00:49:32,750 get married and have a baby. 1100 00:49:33,375 --> 00:49:34,708 Why shouldn't I want that? 1101 00:49:35,291 --> 00:49:36,375 No, I mean, I know… 1102 00:49:36,458 --> 00:49:39,291 I knew I wanted kids at a weirdly young age. 1103 00:49:39,375 --> 00:49:40,791 That's amazing. I… 1104 00:49:42,375 --> 00:49:44,625 You're so lucky you have your sister. 1105 00:49:44,708 --> 00:49:46,916 -I don't have siblings. -Yeah. 1106 00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:49,958 I, you know, I don't have family, so I don't wanna be alone. 1107 00:49:50,041 --> 00:49:52,791 I've always known I want a family. 1108 00:49:54,208 --> 00:49:57,333 I'm just getting a little worried that that's not in the cards for me. 1109 00:49:58,500 --> 00:49:59,333 What? 1110 00:50:00,458 --> 00:50:03,291 I mean, not the baby. Like, I'm having a baby. 1111 00:50:03,375 --> 00:50:06,583 Yeah, no, you know, the partner stuff. Yeah. 1112 00:50:06,666 --> 00:50:09,166 It'll happen. You know what they say. 1113 00:50:09,958 --> 00:50:11,708 Kiss a lot of turds, right? 1114 00:50:13,125 --> 00:50:14,041 No. 1115 00:50:14,541 --> 00:50:16,875 No one says that. It's toads. 1116 00:50:17,375 --> 00:50:19,416 Like "The early turd gets the worm." 1117 00:50:19,500 --> 00:50:22,291 [Lainy] No, it's bird. "Early bird gets the worm." 1118 00:50:22,375 --> 00:50:24,000 [laughs] 1119 00:50:24,583 --> 00:50:25,750 It is bird. 1120 00:50:25,833 --> 00:50:28,458 But it is "kiss a lot of turds" for sure. 1121 00:50:28,541 --> 00:50:29,583 [Lainy chuckling] 1122 00:50:31,041 --> 00:50:31,958 [Josh] Oh, man. 1123 00:50:32,791 --> 00:50:35,500 See that guy messing up the ice with his skates? 1124 00:50:35,583 --> 00:50:36,916 He's doing it on purpose. 1125 00:50:37,541 --> 00:50:40,916 Hey! Stop fucking up the ice, you piece of shit! 1126 00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,125 We could have you killed in minutes! 1127 00:50:44,250 --> 00:50:45,166 [Josh chuckling] 1128 00:50:46,166 --> 00:50:48,500 Do you guys have any hot chocolate around here? 1129 00:50:48,583 --> 00:50:49,416 Yeah. 1130 00:50:50,791 --> 00:50:52,458 [Lainy] You gotta be shitting me. 1131 00:50:52,541 --> 00:50:55,166 We should Photoshop some dicks into their mouths. 1132 00:50:55,250 --> 00:50:57,083 [both chuckle] 1133 00:50:58,458 --> 00:51:01,791 I was coming over to ask if you thought it was over the top. 1134 00:51:01,875 --> 00:51:03,333 I guess I have my answer. 1135 00:51:03,416 --> 00:51:06,541 No, I mean, I love it. I love it. I think it's quite provocative. 1136 00:51:07,541 --> 00:51:09,625 I'll give you boys some privacy. 1137 00:51:09,708 --> 00:51:13,833 Um, I'm sorry. I was, like, just trying to make crazy-ass Fallon laugh. 1138 00:51:13,916 --> 00:51:14,833 [Kate] Yeah. 1139 00:51:14,916 --> 00:51:18,500 We were just being funny. It's not like we're taking that seriously. 1140 00:51:18,583 --> 00:51:19,791 -Yeah, it's ironic. -Yeah. 1141 00:51:19,875 --> 00:51:22,500 It's, yeah, so, yeah. Sorry. 1142 00:51:23,250 --> 00:51:25,458 I have to talk to you about something, so… 1143 00:51:25,541 --> 00:51:28,458 Okay. Is it that you're in love with me? 1144 00:51:28,541 --> 00:51:29,708 Because I already knew. 1145 00:51:29,791 --> 00:51:32,916 No, no, no. No, I just… 1146 00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:34,125 You're scaring me. 1147 00:51:34,208 --> 00:51:35,916 You can't be in the delivery room. 1148 00:51:37,416 --> 00:51:40,916 What do you mean? Why wouldn't I be able to be in there? 1149 00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,083 If you say Shirley's going to be in there with you… 1150 00:51:43,166 --> 00:51:44,666 -…I'm going to murder someone. -No. 1151 00:51:44,750 --> 00:51:46,750 She is not going to be in the room, okay? 1152 00:51:46,833 --> 00:51:49,291 But she did surprise me and she got a doula, 1153 00:51:49,375 --> 00:51:51,916 and there can only be two people in the room, so… 1154 00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:56,833 So you're choosing Mark and some placenta-sniffing midwife 1155 00:51:57,458 --> 00:52:00,166 over your best friend who you've known your whole life? 1156 00:52:00,250 --> 00:52:02,291 You know what? Can we just be honest for once? 1157 00:52:02,375 --> 00:52:03,833 Okay, I'm ready to be honest. 1158 00:52:03,916 --> 00:52:05,791 -That sounds nice. -Great. Let's do it. 1159 00:52:05,875 --> 00:52:07,375 You're pissed because I'm pregnant. 1160 00:52:07,458 --> 00:52:11,166 No, I'm not. That's so insane that you would think that. 1161 00:52:11,250 --> 00:52:12,583 I'm so happy for you. 1162 00:52:12,666 --> 00:52:15,375 I've been going everywhere with you, 1163 00:52:15,458 --> 00:52:18,541 showing you how happy I am about this pregnancy. 1164 00:52:18,625 --> 00:52:20,666 Yeah, you seem real happy, Lainy. 1165 00:52:20,750 --> 00:52:22,000 Look, I'm just mad 1166 00:52:22,083 --> 00:52:26,208 because you're being a stupid, tit-faced jerk butt. 1167 00:52:26,291 --> 00:52:29,416 Oh, it is you, my friend, that has the face of a tit. 1168 00:52:29,500 --> 00:52:31,333 -Really? Me? -That's what you are. 1169 00:52:31,416 --> 00:52:33,416 All right. Can you two bitches calm down? 1170 00:52:33,500 --> 00:52:36,208 You can't even come up with proper fucking swear words. 1171 00:52:36,291 --> 00:52:38,083 I love you both equally, all right? 1172 00:52:38,166 --> 00:52:39,458 Okay. Forget this. 1173 00:52:39,541 --> 00:52:41,041 Oh, fuck her. 1174 00:52:41,125 --> 00:52:44,208 Ms. Newton, I found this on the bleachers. 1175 00:52:44,291 --> 00:52:46,250 Oh! Um… 1176 00:52:46,875 --> 00:52:48,166 [sniffs] Oh. 1177 00:52:48,250 --> 00:52:50,875 You did the right thing to bring it to me. Thank you. 1178 00:52:50,958 --> 00:52:53,458 You don't have to tell anyone about this. I'll handle it. 1179 00:52:54,333 --> 00:52:55,625 Score. 1180 00:52:55,708 --> 00:52:57,708 [chill, upbeat music playing] 1181 00:53:00,666 --> 00:53:03,458 [Lainy] So, wait, you were saying, okay, so then you dated… 1182 00:53:03,541 --> 00:53:06,750 I dated an ice cream scooper at Casey's Scoops. 1183 00:53:07,541 --> 00:53:10,625 But then I realized I was just, like, in it for the ice cream… 1184 00:53:10,708 --> 00:53:12,666 -…and that's just not enough. -[laughs] 1185 00:53:12,750 --> 00:53:14,875 -No. -You gotta have chemistry, too, right? 1186 00:53:14,958 --> 00:53:17,666 You can also just have ice cream and not date the scooper. 1187 00:53:17,750 --> 00:53:19,583 I figured that out. I figured it out too late. 1188 00:53:19,666 --> 00:53:21,125 Ever dated a pregnant woman? 1189 00:53:21,208 --> 00:53:23,541 You're the least pregnant person I've ever dated. 1190 00:53:23,625 --> 00:53:25,125 Wow. You wait till they're crowning. 1191 00:53:25,208 --> 00:53:27,916 I want them to be, like, two weeks away from dropping. 1192 00:53:28,875 --> 00:53:30,666 So are we dating? 1193 00:53:31,708 --> 00:53:35,833 No. I don't know. I mean, I'm seeing a lot of other people. 1194 00:53:35,916 --> 00:53:36,875 -Okay. -Yeah. 1195 00:53:36,958 --> 00:53:39,916 -I'm sorry you're in the friend zone. -The friend zone. 1196 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,875 I thought you were gay until, like, five minutes ago. 1197 00:53:42,958 --> 00:53:45,833 We can always just joke around if you want. 1198 00:53:47,375 --> 00:53:49,041 I don't always joke around. 1199 00:53:49,125 --> 00:53:52,041 Okay, no, I'm… you know. 1200 00:53:52,125 --> 00:53:53,125 [Lainy inhaling] 1201 00:53:54,916 --> 00:53:58,875 My nerves are turned on 1202 00:53:59,583 --> 00:54:03,583 I hear them like musical instruments 1203 00:54:04,708 --> 00:54:06,333 Where there was silence… 1204 00:54:07,625 --> 00:54:08,625 The drums… 1205 00:54:08,708 --> 00:54:10,833 [dramatic music playing] 1206 00:54:10,916 --> 00:54:14,000 The strings are incurably playing 1207 00:54:15,291 --> 00:54:16,458 You did this 1208 00:54:17,500 --> 00:54:19,625 Pure genius at work 1209 00:54:19,708 --> 00:54:22,958 Darling, the composer Has stepped into fire 1210 00:54:25,708 --> 00:54:26,916 Anne Sexton. 1211 00:54:28,583 --> 00:54:29,708 What's it called? 1212 00:54:31,708 --> 00:54:33,000 "The Kiss." 1213 00:54:44,708 --> 00:54:45,708 Oh, sorry. 1214 00:54:45,791 --> 00:54:47,208 -No, I'm sorry. -No. 1215 00:54:47,291 --> 00:54:48,625 -I'm fine. It's fine. -It's okay. 1216 00:54:48,708 --> 00:54:51,583 No, I'm just a little self-conscious about my body right now… 1217 00:54:51,666 --> 00:54:52,916 Oh, yeah. 1218 00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:55,041 -You know, I… Sorry. -[sighs] 1219 00:54:58,375 --> 00:54:59,333 You want to dance? 1220 00:55:00,375 --> 00:55:01,291 Yes. 1221 00:55:01,375 --> 00:55:04,333 ["Delincuente" by Tokischa, Anuel AA and Ñengo Flow playing] 1222 00:55:06,250 --> 00:55:08,125 [inaudible] 1223 00:55:35,250 --> 00:55:39,250 ["Anyone Who Knows What Love Is (Will Understand)" by Irma Thomas playing] 1224 00:55:41,875 --> 00:55:42,708 ♪ Anyone ♪ 1225 00:55:45,791 --> 00:55:46,708 ♪ Anyone ♪ 1226 00:55:48,875 --> 00:55:51,708 ♪ You can blame me ♪ 1227 00:55:52,666 --> 00:55:55,333 ♪ Try to shame me ♪ 1228 00:55:55,916 --> 00:56:00,250 ♪ And still I'll care for you ♪ 1229 00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:06,250 ♪ You can run around ♪ 1230 00:56:06,333 --> 00:56:07,750 [song fades] 1231 00:56:07,833 --> 00:56:09,833 -Want to take a break? -Sure. 1232 00:56:10,833 --> 00:56:12,041 Whoa. 1233 00:56:12,125 --> 00:56:14,041 -Dave. -Lainy. 1234 00:56:14,125 --> 00:56:17,750 [exhaling] What are you doing here? I didn't know you liked, um… 1235 00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:20,916 -Drinking on a boat? -Yeah, that's crazy. 1236 00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,625 -[chuckles nervously] -What the fuck is that? 1237 00:56:25,625 --> 00:56:27,500 Um, I may have gained some weight. 1238 00:56:27,583 --> 00:56:30,500 What? What is going on? What did you do? 1239 00:56:30,583 --> 00:56:33,333 -What did I do? -I thought you were on birth control! 1240 00:56:33,958 --> 00:56:35,708 [sighing] How could you do this to me? 1241 00:56:35,791 --> 00:56:36,958 [dance music playing] 1242 00:56:37,041 --> 00:56:40,333 You're such an asshole. And don't worry because it's not yours. 1243 00:56:40,416 --> 00:56:42,750 Wait, so… When did you even-- 1244 00:56:42,833 --> 00:56:44,000 Thanksgiving. 1245 00:56:44,541 --> 00:56:47,041 -We were at my parents' house in Vermont. -Mm-hmm. 1246 00:56:47,125 --> 00:56:50,541 -We were together the whole time. -No, obviously not. 1247 00:56:50,625 --> 00:56:52,083 Not when you were, uh… 1248 00:56:54,375 --> 00:56:56,291 -Asleep? -Bingo. 1249 00:56:56,875 --> 00:57:01,291 When you were asleep, I went to Black Friday sales. 1250 00:57:01,375 --> 00:57:04,750 And… fucked somebody at a Brookstone? 1251 00:57:04,833 --> 00:57:05,875 Costco. 1252 00:57:06,458 --> 00:57:08,166 Because they have the best deals 1253 00:57:08,250 --> 00:57:10,333 and the best dick. 1254 00:57:11,750 --> 00:57:13,541 And I don't even know what you're looking at. 1255 00:57:13,625 --> 00:57:14,625 What do you even do? 1256 00:57:14,708 --> 00:57:16,166 I'm a scientist. 1257 00:57:16,250 --> 00:57:18,500 That's not a real job. What do all of you do? 1258 00:57:19,083 --> 00:57:20,875 [all] We're all scientists. 1259 00:57:22,208 --> 00:57:25,000 I've moved on. And I suggest you do the same. 1260 00:57:25,083 --> 00:57:26,416 Excuse me. 1261 00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:31,208 Someone actually beautiful is coming through. Me. 1262 00:57:31,291 --> 00:57:32,416 [music fades] 1263 00:57:33,375 --> 00:57:35,125 [chill music playing] 1264 00:57:39,125 --> 00:57:40,375 Surprise! 1265 00:57:41,041 --> 00:57:42,666 -Meg! -[Megan] Lainy. 1266 00:57:42,750 --> 00:57:43,916 Hey! 1267 00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:45,583 Oh my God, Lainy. 1268 00:57:45,666 --> 00:57:47,000 Your room is so cute. 1269 00:57:47,583 --> 00:57:49,083 It's so sweet. 1270 00:57:50,083 --> 00:57:52,500 Thank you! That is so nice. 1271 00:57:52,583 --> 00:57:53,791 Oh, I love it. 1272 00:57:54,750 --> 00:57:59,083 What are you doing here in my… belly of the woods? 1273 00:57:59,166 --> 00:58:02,125 A prenatal depression workshop's nearby that's supposed to be amazing. 1274 00:58:02,208 --> 00:58:03,666 So I thought I'd come surprise you. 1275 00:58:04,250 --> 00:58:06,333 Oh, cool. I don't have that. 1276 00:58:06,416 --> 00:58:07,291 Oh. 1277 00:58:07,916 --> 00:58:09,541 Okay, well, I do. [chuckling] 1278 00:58:09,625 --> 00:58:11,833 You're gonna make me face these chicks alone? 1279 00:58:13,083 --> 00:58:14,083 No. 1280 00:58:14,750 --> 00:58:16,750 I wouldn't do that to a friend. I'm in. 1281 00:58:19,208 --> 00:58:22,333 -It's supposed to be very therapeutic. -Okay, great. 1282 00:58:22,416 --> 00:58:24,166 -We'll just give it a go. -Let's do it. 1283 00:58:24,250 --> 00:58:26,375 -My God, you really popped this week. -Didn't I? 1284 00:58:26,458 --> 00:58:28,250 [Megan] Yeah. It just kind of hits. 1285 00:58:33,958 --> 00:58:36,875 I didn't know so many women got depressed during pregnancy. 1286 00:58:36,958 --> 00:58:40,583 Yeah. Because we're so ashamed for not just bubbling over with gratitude. 1287 00:58:41,166 --> 00:58:43,958 [Fallon] Excuse me, legitimate pregnant lady coming through. 1288 00:58:44,041 --> 00:58:44,958 Six weeks. 1289 00:58:45,833 --> 00:58:47,958 Nice boobs. I can say that. I've got them. 1290 00:58:48,041 --> 00:58:51,250 I've got them too. It's not offensive if you have them. 1291 00:58:52,833 --> 00:58:54,250 What the hell are you doing here? 1292 00:58:54,333 --> 00:58:57,041 Oh, I see. Good enough for thee, but not for me. 1293 00:58:57,125 --> 00:58:58,541 You're a pregnancy tourist. 1294 00:58:58,625 --> 00:59:00,750 -You shouldn't be here. -You shouldn't be here. 1295 00:59:00,833 --> 00:59:02,250 -You shouldn't. -You shouldn't. 1296 00:59:02,333 --> 00:59:03,458 Get… 1297 00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:05,708 Don't punch my baby! 1298 00:59:05,791 --> 00:59:06,916 [woman] Hello, ladies. 1299 00:59:07,500 --> 00:59:08,750 How are you guys doing? 1300 00:59:08,833 --> 00:59:10,375 [all] Good. 1301 00:59:10,458 --> 00:59:11,458 Bullshit! 1302 00:59:12,583 --> 00:59:14,750 You don't have to lie in here, sisters. 1303 00:59:14,833 --> 00:59:16,500 This is a place of truth. 1304 00:59:16,583 --> 00:59:19,583 How do you really feel during your pregnancies? 1305 00:59:20,708 --> 00:59:21,708 Tell me. 1306 00:59:22,458 --> 00:59:23,500 Come on. 1307 00:59:24,333 --> 00:59:25,416 I'm angry. 1308 00:59:25,500 --> 00:59:27,750 I ate a cupcake out of the trash can last night. 1309 00:59:28,416 --> 00:59:30,666 My nipples are so dry! 1310 00:59:30,750 --> 00:59:31,875 [all] Yes! 1311 00:59:33,083 --> 00:59:33,958 Thank you. 1312 00:59:34,041 --> 00:59:34,916 I know. 1313 00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:36,458 -[sobs] -I've got a hairy butthole. 1314 00:59:37,250 --> 00:59:38,458 What the hell are you doing? 1315 00:59:38,541 --> 00:59:40,416 -I've got a hairy butthole. -Shut up. 1316 00:59:40,500 --> 00:59:42,083 [screams] 1317 00:59:42,166 --> 00:59:44,458 [all screaming] 1318 00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,291 All right, ladies. We are going to take a quick pee break, 1319 00:59:50,375 --> 00:59:52,500 which we'll be doing every three minutes. 1320 00:59:52,583 --> 00:59:55,291 And if you're the one woman who can still shit while she's pregnant, 1321 00:59:55,375 --> 00:59:56,875 good for you. Now is your chance. 1322 00:59:57,500 --> 00:59:59,916 -Thank you so much. This is great. -Of course. 1323 01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,250 Get it out. She's amazing. 1324 01:00:02,791 --> 01:00:04,708 Oh, shit. My sitter just bailed. 1325 01:00:04,791 --> 01:00:07,000 Oh, sorry. That sucks. 1326 01:00:07,750 --> 01:00:10,166 Would you mind watching Connor tomorrow night? 1327 01:00:10,750 --> 01:00:12,500 [sighs] I don't know. 1328 01:00:12,583 --> 01:00:14,333 Please. It's Steve's birthday. 1329 01:00:14,416 --> 01:00:17,750 Josh has a hockey game he has to work, and I don't have anybody else to ask. 1330 01:00:18,666 --> 01:00:20,250 It's kind of nice to be needed. 1331 01:00:21,291 --> 01:00:22,375 Yeah, of course. 1332 01:00:22,458 --> 01:00:23,958 We love having you over. 1333 01:00:24,625 --> 01:00:25,916 Josh especially. 1334 01:00:27,125 --> 01:00:29,458 -Really? -Oh, cool. She's also bailing tonight. 1335 01:00:29,541 --> 01:00:30,541 Okay, I got to go. 1336 01:00:31,083 --> 01:00:34,333 -["The One" by M.I.A. playing] -♪ Got a ticket for the city that's fire ♪ 1337 01:00:34,416 --> 01:00:37,750 ♪ Tech 9 for the side that'll fight ya ♪ 1338 01:00:38,750 --> 01:00:39,875 [softly] Thanks. 1339 01:00:41,125 --> 01:00:44,125 -♪ Put your picket down come on and riot ♪ -[clears throat] 1340 01:00:45,458 --> 01:00:47,250 -[song stops] -[train chimes] 1341 01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,208 [mouthing] Fuck you. 1342 01:00:51,500 --> 01:00:53,125 -[knock on door] -[Megan] Hmm. 1343 01:00:55,583 --> 01:00:57,125 -Hi! -[Lainy] Hi! 1344 01:00:57,208 --> 01:01:00,166 [Megan] Thank you so much. You are a lifesaver. 1345 01:01:00,250 --> 01:01:02,458 My pleasure. You look beautiful. 1346 01:01:02,541 --> 01:01:04,000 -Thank you. I showered. -Yeah. 1347 01:01:04,083 --> 01:01:05,416 Hey, Connor, off the couch. 1348 01:01:06,166 --> 01:01:08,750 Oh, hey. Uh, guess who we're going to see? 1349 01:01:08,833 --> 01:01:09,666 Wow. 1350 01:01:09,750 --> 01:01:12,125 -Hey, I might shave my head. Why not? -Do it. 1351 01:01:12,208 --> 01:01:14,333 -Please don't do that. -Okay, well, have fun. 1352 01:01:14,416 --> 01:01:15,708 -Thank you so much. -Go. 1353 01:01:15,791 --> 01:01:17,625 I still want to throw you that shower. 1354 01:01:17,708 --> 01:01:19,291 Okay, no, but go have a good time. 1355 01:01:19,375 --> 01:01:21,125 -We're fine. We got it. -Thank you. Bye. 1356 01:01:21,208 --> 01:01:22,375 [Lainy] All right. Bye. 1357 01:01:25,750 --> 01:01:27,083 Hi. 1358 01:01:29,041 --> 01:01:30,000 Hi. 1359 01:01:30,083 --> 01:01:31,291 Oh, yeah! 1360 01:01:31,375 --> 01:01:32,500 Do you want this? 1361 01:01:32,583 --> 01:01:34,583 But, yeah, I thought we were going to… 1362 01:01:36,083 --> 01:01:37,500 get married, start a family. 1363 01:01:37,583 --> 01:01:39,916 [exclaiming] 1364 01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:43,583 Did you ever tell such a big lie you don't know how to get out of it? 1365 01:01:43,666 --> 01:01:45,458 [upbeat pop music playing] 1366 01:01:45,541 --> 01:01:47,458 I ate the whole cookie. 1367 01:01:47,541 --> 01:01:50,125 -Peek-a-boo. -Oh my God! Oh my God. 1368 01:01:50,208 --> 01:01:52,625 -You scared me. -I was over here. 1369 01:01:52,708 --> 01:01:54,666 -Let me tell you a real story. -[music fades] 1370 01:01:54,750 --> 01:01:56,750 [Lainy breathing deeply] 1371 01:01:57,458 --> 01:01:59,125 There was once a family… 1372 01:02:00,875 --> 01:02:03,458 of beautiful, beautiful princesses… 1373 01:02:05,125 --> 01:02:06,875 called the Kardashians. 1374 01:02:07,500 --> 01:02:11,333 And they lived in a palace 1375 01:02:11,416 --> 01:02:15,166 that their dad bought them by defending a murderer. 1376 01:02:15,250 --> 01:02:16,083 [Connor gasping] 1377 01:02:16,166 --> 01:02:17,000 Hey, hey. 1378 01:02:17,083 --> 01:02:18,375 Uncle Joshy. 1379 01:02:18,458 --> 01:02:21,666 [chuckles] Yeah, yeah, don't get all riled up, Con-man. 1380 01:02:21,750 --> 01:02:22,750 Yeah, sorry. 1381 01:02:22,833 --> 01:02:24,958 I thought I'd do a little better with that. 1382 01:02:25,041 --> 01:02:26,000 You're very cute. 1383 01:02:26,708 --> 01:02:29,208 Let's read the book we like, all right? 1384 01:02:29,291 --> 01:02:30,416 [Josh grunting] 1385 01:02:31,500 --> 01:02:34,625 The Book with No Pictures. 1386 01:02:35,583 --> 01:02:38,708 "This is a book with no pictures." 1387 01:02:40,083 --> 01:02:41,458 "It might seem like no fun 1388 01:02:41,541 --> 01:02:44,000 to have someone read you a book with no pictures." 1389 01:02:44,833 --> 01:02:48,166 "Probably seems boring and serious." 1390 01:02:48,250 --> 01:02:51,416 "Except, here's how books work." 1391 01:02:51,500 --> 01:02:55,708 "Everything the words say, the person reading the book has to say." 1392 01:02:55,791 --> 01:02:57,416 [tender music playing] 1393 01:02:59,500 --> 01:03:03,041 "Now it's time for me to sing you my favorite song." 1394 01:03:03,125 --> 01:03:05,750 ♪ "Glug, glug, glug My face is a bug" ♪ 1395 01:03:05,833 --> 01:03:09,333 ♪ "I eat ants for breakfast Right off of a rug" ♪ 1396 01:03:12,916 --> 01:03:14,875 [Lainy breathing deeply, exhaling] 1397 01:03:18,125 --> 01:03:19,291 [light switch clicking] 1398 01:03:44,875 --> 01:03:46,541 Want to come back to my place? 1399 01:03:48,625 --> 01:03:51,750 The garage. Right down… downstairs. 1400 01:03:54,333 --> 01:03:55,958 [breathing heavily] 1401 01:04:00,958 --> 01:04:02,166 It's roomy. 1402 01:04:02,250 --> 01:04:04,625 Well, the car's not here. It's usually right there. 1403 01:04:04,708 --> 01:04:07,166 Okay, I want to have sex with you. 1404 01:04:07,833 --> 01:04:09,208 Fantastic. 1405 01:04:09,291 --> 01:04:12,791 But I'm very self-conscious of my body right now, as I've said. 1406 01:04:12,875 --> 01:04:14,208 Sure, yes. 1407 01:04:14,291 --> 01:04:15,916 So, there's going to be a couple rules. 1408 01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:18,083 Okay, great. I'm down with rules. 1409 01:04:18,166 --> 01:04:21,416 You know, Cider House, Vanderpump, all the rules. 1410 01:04:21,500 --> 01:04:23,791 Okay, well, just two rules. 1411 01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:25,708 No touching me and no looking at me. 1412 01:04:26,458 --> 01:04:28,333 Oh, okay. I mean, you know, 1413 01:04:28,416 --> 01:04:31,291 it's not exactly the experience I had pictured, 1414 01:04:31,375 --> 01:04:35,208 but if that doth what m'lady require of-- 1415 01:04:35,291 --> 01:04:37,750 -What? -Yes. Yes. It's cool. 1416 01:04:37,833 --> 01:04:38,833 Great. 1417 01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:41,333 I'll be right back. 1418 01:04:41,958 --> 01:04:43,041 Okay. 1419 01:04:44,583 --> 01:04:45,625 [Lainy] You okay? 1420 01:04:45,708 --> 01:04:47,500 Yeah, I just… You surprised me. 1421 01:04:48,125 --> 01:04:50,416 Hands locked in this position. 1422 01:04:51,375 --> 01:04:52,291 Okay. 1423 01:04:53,083 --> 01:04:55,208 ["Sex With Me" by Rihanna playing] 1424 01:04:55,291 --> 01:04:58,791 ♪ All this all work, no vacation ♪ 1425 01:04:59,458 --> 01:05:03,083 ♪ Stay up off my Instagram Pure temptation ♪ 1426 01:05:03,666 --> 01:05:05,791 ♪ Hit a switch on a fake *****… ♪ 1427 01:05:05,875 --> 01:05:09,208 I want to go down on you, but I don't really know how to. 1428 01:05:09,291 --> 01:05:10,875 Oh, well, 1429 01:05:10,958 --> 01:05:17,500 you just, like, lick around the clitoris and if you can sneak a finger in, great. 1430 01:05:17,583 --> 01:05:20,291 No, no, no. I know how to. 1431 01:05:20,375 --> 01:05:22,083 I don't know how to get there. 1432 01:05:22,166 --> 01:05:23,916 -Oh. Right, right. -Hand in the-- 1433 01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:26,375 Well, maybe I can go up on you. 1434 01:05:27,250 --> 01:05:28,250 Problem solved. 1435 01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:30,541 Okay. Yeah. 1436 01:05:31,541 --> 01:05:33,583 -Okay. -Get on up there. 1437 01:05:33,666 --> 01:05:36,083 Okay, just let me know when you're kind of close. 1438 01:05:36,166 --> 01:05:37,125 Okay. 1439 01:05:37,625 --> 01:05:39,125 ♪ I'm off that la-la ♪ 1440 01:05:39,208 --> 01:05:40,875 ♪ I'mma get it wet like jacuzzi ♪ 1441 01:05:40,958 --> 01:05:43,333 -Okay, I feel your feet there. -Yeah. 1442 01:05:44,333 --> 01:05:47,166 -Tell me when you're close. -Okay, I'm… 1443 01:05:47,250 --> 01:05:49,291 I'm trying to make my landing. 1444 01:05:50,166 --> 01:05:51,916 Yeah, you know, I don't… 1445 01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:54,458 -Okay, I'm gonna… -How long… 1446 01:05:54,541 --> 01:05:56,541 -You're still up there. Okay. -Let me… 1447 01:05:57,666 --> 01:05:59,375 See. I'm gonna kind of… 1448 01:05:59,458 --> 01:06:01,500 All right, this might work better. Okay. 1449 01:06:01,583 --> 01:06:02,583 What's… 1450 01:06:02,666 --> 01:06:05,000 -Just… -Just describe what you're doing. 1451 01:06:05,083 --> 01:06:07,291 I'm, like, trying to sit on your… 1452 01:06:07,375 --> 01:06:10,583 No, that's, you know what, that's not… It's fine. 1453 01:06:10,666 --> 01:06:13,083 -I think I'm okay. -Okay. 1454 01:06:13,166 --> 01:06:15,500 I don't need you to do that. That's really sweet, but I'm… 1455 01:06:15,583 --> 01:06:17,750 -Okay. -I'm ready, you know. 1456 01:06:17,833 --> 01:06:19,875 -Okay, sure. -She ready, you know. 1457 01:06:19,958 --> 01:06:21,666 Are you? Oh, you're ready. 1458 01:06:21,750 --> 01:06:23,750 -Okay, okay. -Wow. Nice. 1459 01:06:23,833 --> 01:06:25,291 -Thank you. -Yeah 1460 01:06:28,083 --> 01:06:30,000 -Oh, my God. -That feels good. 1461 01:06:31,916 --> 01:06:32,958 [both moaning] 1462 01:06:34,083 --> 01:06:37,000 Oh, that feels so good. You like that, Iceman? 1463 01:06:37,083 --> 01:06:38,375 Who is Iceman? 1464 01:06:38,458 --> 01:06:40,333 You. Because you drive a Zamboni? 1465 01:06:40,416 --> 01:06:42,500 -Oh, okay, yeah. -Okay, I don't have to… 1466 01:06:42,583 --> 01:06:44,500 -Just trying something. -No, I love it. 1467 01:06:44,583 --> 01:06:46,041 -I love it. I'm Iceman. -Okay. 1468 01:06:46,125 --> 01:06:48,458 -The Iceman Cometh. -Oh, yeah. 1469 01:06:48,541 --> 01:06:50,583 -I mean, not yet. Not yet. -Okay. 1470 01:06:50,666 --> 01:06:52,500 Let me try it the other way. 1471 01:06:52,583 --> 01:06:54,916 -Oh, I was liking that. -Yeah, but this is better. 1472 01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:56,083 This will be good. 1473 01:06:56,166 --> 01:06:57,666 -Okay. -This is… 1474 01:06:57,750 --> 01:07:01,041 -All right. Back in business. -Oh my God. 1475 01:07:01,666 --> 01:07:03,833 [moaning softly] 1476 01:07:03,916 --> 01:07:05,208 -[Lainy] Oh my God. -So good. 1477 01:07:05,291 --> 01:07:06,750 Oh, God. 1478 01:07:08,583 --> 01:07:11,458 -Wait. Is that the garage? -No, no. It's fine. 1479 01:07:11,541 --> 01:07:13,708 -Where's the clicker? -I got it. I got it. 1480 01:07:13,791 --> 01:07:15,916 [Josh] Okay. Neighbors? 1481 01:07:17,291 --> 01:07:18,875 Is there anybody out there? 1482 01:07:21,125 --> 01:07:23,291 Close it. Somebody's gonna come by. 1483 01:07:23,375 --> 01:07:25,083 [door whirring] 1484 01:07:29,208 --> 01:07:31,208 ["You Send Me" by Sam Cooke playing] 1485 01:07:31,291 --> 01:07:33,666 ♪ Darling, you send me ♪ 1486 01:07:34,250 --> 01:07:38,625 ♪ I know you send me ♪ 1487 01:07:38,708 --> 01:07:40,083 That was really nice. 1488 01:07:40,833 --> 01:07:41,833 Yeah. 1489 01:07:44,583 --> 01:07:45,791 It's a great view. 1490 01:07:45,875 --> 01:07:47,125 [cart rattling] 1491 01:07:47,208 --> 01:07:48,208 Thank you. 1492 01:07:49,750 --> 01:07:51,541 Hey! 1493 01:07:51,625 --> 01:07:52,833 [Lainy] Hey. 1494 01:07:52,916 --> 01:07:54,750 [both laugh] 1495 01:07:54,833 --> 01:07:55,750 [Lainy snorting] 1496 01:07:56,958 --> 01:07:58,125 Oh my God. 1497 01:08:00,750 --> 01:08:01,833 Can I be honest with you? 1498 01:08:03,291 --> 01:08:04,208 Yeah? 1499 01:08:06,166 --> 01:08:07,125 I… 1500 01:08:09,500 --> 01:08:12,000 I haven't felt this connected to someone… 1501 01:08:13,500 --> 01:08:14,708 like, ever. 1502 01:08:16,541 --> 01:08:17,875 Me, too. 1503 01:08:17,958 --> 01:08:21,041 Good, because I really… 1504 01:08:22,125 --> 01:08:24,416 I think we could make this work. 1505 01:08:25,125 --> 01:08:29,041 I do. Like, you and me and the little person in there. 1506 01:08:32,666 --> 01:08:33,833 [Josh chuckling softly] 1507 01:08:34,458 --> 01:08:38,708 It just feels so good to finally be able to trust somebody again. 1508 01:08:39,750 --> 01:08:41,500 I totally trust you. 1509 01:08:42,458 --> 01:08:45,375 I didn't know if I'd ever feel like this again. 1510 01:08:45,458 --> 01:08:46,750 Mm-hmm. 1511 01:08:46,833 --> 01:08:47,875 [sighs] 1512 01:08:48,375 --> 01:08:51,625 -I can't do this. -Can't do… Can't do what? 1513 01:08:51,708 --> 01:08:53,416 -I'm sorry. -Wait… 1514 01:08:53,500 --> 01:08:56,750 -I have to… I have to leave. -[somber music playing] 1515 01:08:56,833 --> 01:08:58,791 Wait. Can't do what? 1516 01:08:58,875 --> 01:08:59,875 You have Connor? 1517 01:08:59,958 --> 01:09:02,041 Yeah. Wait, what did I say? 1518 01:09:02,916 --> 01:09:04,458 Why are you leaving? 1519 01:09:09,166 --> 01:09:10,708 [music fades] 1520 01:09:10,791 --> 01:09:11,666 [indistinct chatter] 1521 01:09:11,750 --> 01:09:13,625 [Lainy] Everyone just stick together. 1522 01:09:13,708 --> 01:09:16,083 [woman] No touching the butterflies. 1523 01:09:16,166 --> 01:09:18,583 Do not disrupt their metamorphosis. 1524 01:09:18,666 --> 01:09:19,875 I'm totally fucked. 1525 01:09:19,958 --> 01:09:22,125 Are you? 'Cause the way I understand it 1526 01:09:22,208 --> 01:09:24,458 is Josh is the one that got bit of a fucking. 1527 01:09:24,541 --> 01:09:27,416 -[grunts and squeals] -Stop it! Come on! 1528 01:09:27,500 --> 01:09:30,416 Sorry. Butterflies make me anxious. 1529 01:09:31,166 --> 01:09:34,416 [sighing] I almost told him. I almost and then I… 1530 01:09:34,500 --> 01:09:36,500 -[shudders] -[woman] No touching. 1531 01:09:36,583 --> 01:09:39,208 I don't know what relationship could possibly survive 1532 01:09:39,291 --> 01:09:41,166 this level of dishonesty. 1533 01:09:41,250 --> 01:09:44,000 I've lied so much. I don't know what to do. 1534 01:09:44,083 --> 01:09:47,708 He's going to find out the truth about my pregnancy at some point, right? 1535 01:09:48,333 --> 01:09:50,291 I mean, he's not going to forget about a baby. 1536 01:09:51,333 --> 01:09:54,291 God. I can't believe I fell for Meg's brother. 1537 01:09:54,875 --> 01:09:58,666 -It's ridiculous. Like, I really like him. -[tense, whimsical music playing] 1538 01:09:59,708 --> 01:10:01,833 You're going to have to get that baby out. 1539 01:10:02,916 --> 01:10:04,666 I need to get rid of my baby. 1540 01:10:05,333 --> 01:10:06,500 Oh, shit. 1541 01:10:07,416 --> 01:10:09,416 Why are they only landing on you? 1542 01:10:10,291 --> 01:10:12,750 -Are they on me? -Yeah. 1543 01:10:12,833 --> 01:10:15,833 Are they on me right now? Right now? 1544 01:10:15,916 --> 01:10:17,833 -Yeah. -Get bug spray. 1545 01:10:17,916 --> 01:10:20,208 Get some bug spray. Get them off me. 1546 01:10:20,291 --> 01:10:22,666 -Get these evil demons off me! -Stop it. 1547 01:10:22,750 --> 01:10:23,875 [shrieking] 1548 01:10:23,958 --> 01:10:25,625 -Sorry. She's fine. -No touching. 1549 01:10:25,708 --> 01:10:27,708 I didn't touch them! They were touching me! 1550 01:10:27,791 --> 01:10:30,625 Please don't raise your voice in here, ma'am. 1551 01:10:30,708 --> 01:10:31,833 I will fight you. 1552 01:10:31,916 --> 01:10:33,833 I'll fuck you up. 1553 01:10:33,916 --> 01:10:37,208 I will bite your fucking aorta right out. 1554 01:10:37,291 --> 01:10:39,041 Butterflies, attack! 1555 01:10:39,125 --> 01:10:40,916 -I'm coming to get you. -Come on. 1556 01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:42,750 [woman] Piece of shit bitch. 1557 01:10:44,041 --> 01:10:46,041 [whispering indistinctly] 1558 01:10:49,916 --> 01:10:51,375 [Kate] Thanks for meeting me. 1559 01:10:51,458 --> 01:10:52,500 [Lainy] Of course. 1560 01:10:56,416 --> 01:10:57,416 How are you? 1561 01:10:58,500 --> 01:11:00,666 I'm good. I stopped puking, so… 1562 01:11:01,750 --> 01:11:03,041 That's great. 1563 01:11:05,083 --> 01:11:07,041 How about you? Are you puking? 1564 01:11:07,125 --> 01:11:08,000 No. 1565 01:11:10,250 --> 01:11:12,208 -Why would I be puking? -I don't know. 1566 01:11:12,291 --> 01:11:15,583 Sometimes in the morning people get… 1567 01:11:17,708 --> 01:11:19,958 like, their tummy rumbles and… Nothing? 1568 01:11:22,625 --> 01:11:23,875 Are you okay? 1569 01:11:23,958 --> 01:11:24,958 Yeah. 1570 01:11:26,291 --> 01:11:28,833 I guess I'm just nervous about the baby shower. 1571 01:11:30,750 --> 01:11:33,666 It's gonna be great. Thanks for including me. 1572 01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:36,750 What does that mean? 1573 01:11:37,958 --> 01:11:39,708 What? Thanks for including me. 1574 01:11:39,791 --> 01:11:42,333 Why would you not be invited? You're my best friend. 1575 01:11:44,916 --> 01:11:46,541 It's okay. I… 1576 01:11:47,416 --> 01:11:48,333 You and Shirley. 1577 01:11:48,416 --> 01:11:49,916 It looks like it's gonna be amazing. 1578 01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:52,166 It's gonna be better than anything I could have done. 1579 01:11:52,250 --> 01:11:54,333 I have to actually run. 1580 01:11:54,416 --> 01:11:56,333 I have like a million papers to grade. 1581 01:11:56,416 --> 01:11:57,916 -Are you good? -Yeah. 1582 01:11:58,000 --> 01:11:59,000 -You're okay? -Yeah. 1583 01:11:59,083 --> 01:12:00,083 Okay. All right. 1584 01:12:01,083 --> 01:12:03,083 [emotional music playing] 1585 01:12:11,375 --> 01:12:13,666 -[upbeat music playing] -[indistinct chatter] 1586 01:12:22,750 --> 01:12:25,125 [Rawn] I wanna see a paternity test, am I right? 1587 01:12:25,208 --> 01:12:28,125 No. I can't believe someone's gonna be calling me "daddy" soon. 1588 01:12:28,208 --> 01:12:30,041 -[exclaims] -[all laughing] 1589 01:12:30,125 --> 01:12:31,125 Wow. 1590 01:12:31,583 --> 01:12:33,750 -[Fallon] Hey, look what I found. -What? 1591 01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:36,916 -[alpaca grunting] -What the fuck is that? 1592 01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,500 I've always wanted a cow. 1593 01:12:38,583 --> 01:12:40,375 That's an alpaca. 1594 01:12:40,458 --> 01:12:42,583 I've been milking her for an hour and a half 1595 01:12:42,666 --> 01:12:44,416 because they only have fake milk at the bar. 1596 01:12:44,500 --> 01:12:48,333 I only got like a teaspoon for this macchiato with little Bessie. 1597 01:12:48,416 --> 01:12:49,500 What a giver. 1598 01:12:51,833 --> 01:12:53,458 -That's obviously a boy. -What? 1599 01:12:53,541 --> 01:12:55,500 You've been jerking off a boy alpaca. 1600 01:12:56,250 --> 01:12:59,583 That explains the sounds, and it's quite salty too. 1601 01:12:59,666 --> 01:13:00,791 [Fallon slurping] 1602 01:13:01,916 --> 01:13:02,791 Macchiato? 1603 01:13:03,375 --> 01:13:04,333 I'm gonna pass. 1604 01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:07,125 Garrett, can you take this cow to my car? 1605 01:13:08,541 --> 01:13:09,875 Hi, Lainy. 1606 01:13:09,958 --> 01:13:11,083 Hey, Connor. 1607 01:13:11,750 --> 01:13:12,791 Connor? 1608 01:13:13,583 --> 01:13:15,708 [gasps] Oh, shit. 1609 01:13:17,125 --> 01:13:18,541 [suspenseful music playing] 1610 01:13:22,250 --> 01:13:24,208 -Fuck. -Is that your man? 1611 01:13:25,916 --> 01:13:27,250 -Fuck! -Fuck! 1612 01:13:27,333 --> 01:13:28,458 -Fuck! -Fuck! 1613 01:13:28,541 --> 01:13:29,416 Fuck! 1614 01:13:34,250 --> 01:13:35,750 She's gotta be here somewhere. 1615 01:13:38,125 --> 01:13:38,958 [Lainy grunting] 1616 01:13:39,916 --> 01:13:43,416 Hey! What are you gorgeous humans doing here? 1617 01:13:43,500 --> 01:13:45,250 Your friend Shirley invited us. 1618 01:13:45,333 --> 01:13:47,708 [chuckles nervously] Classic Shirley. 1619 01:13:47,791 --> 01:13:49,666 Why haven't you returned my calls? 1620 01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:51,375 Calls? What? 1621 01:13:52,083 --> 01:13:52,916 You okay? 1622 01:13:53,000 --> 01:13:54,208 Never better. 1623 01:13:54,875 --> 01:13:56,666 -Hey. -Oh, hi. 1624 01:13:56,750 --> 01:13:59,708 Are these your friends you've never mentioned? 1625 01:13:59,791 --> 01:14:01,541 Mm-hmm. Josh. 1626 01:14:01,625 --> 01:14:02,708 -Hi. -Hi. 1627 01:14:02,791 --> 01:14:04,375 -And Megan. -Hi. 1628 01:14:04,458 --> 01:14:06,166 -Congratulations. -Oh, thank you. 1629 01:14:06,250 --> 01:14:08,375 And then there's Steve and Connor. 1630 01:14:08,458 --> 01:14:10,416 [Shirley whistles] Everyone! 1631 01:14:10,500 --> 01:14:11,416 [Shirley clapping] 1632 01:14:11,500 --> 01:14:16,333 May I have your… attention please. 1633 01:14:16,416 --> 01:14:17,625 Thank you. 1634 01:14:17,708 --> 01:14:19,125 Um… 1635 01:14:19,208 --> 01:14:21,291 -First off, Kate and I are so happy… -[mouthing] 1636 01:14:21,375 --> 01:14:23,208 …that you could make it to our baby shower. 1637 01:14:23,291 --> 01:14:25,166 Round of applause! 1638 01:14:25,250 --> 01:14:27,250 [all cheering and applauding] 1639 01:14:27,333 --> 01:14:28,541 -Hi. -Hi. 1640 01:14:28,625 --> 01:14:30,083 Um… [chuckles] 1641 01:14:30,166 --> 01:14:32,916 Well, I didn't know that it was gonna be this insane, 1642 01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:36,333 but it does look kind of cool, so thanks for making me do this. 1643 01:14:36,416 --> 01:14:38,500 -Stop it. -What? Oh. 1644 01:14:38,583 --> 01:14:39,583 Like, I love you. 1645 01:14:40,375 --> 01:14:41,291 Give me a break. 1646 01:14:41,375 --> 01:14:43,750 -Yeah. -It's like so many emotions. 1647 01:14:43,833 --> 01:14:46,333 Sorry. [exhales] But… 1648 01:14:46,833 --> 01:14:48,458 [microphone feedbacking] 1649 01:14:49,500 --> 01:14:51,916 I wanna talk about someone else for a minute. 1650 01:14:53,666 --> 01:14:58,500 Someone we all know and love named Lainy! Whoo! 1651 01:15:00,541 --> 01:15:04,541 No. This is your day. Keep it focused on you, please. 1652 01:15:04,625 --> 01:15:07,875 Lainy, everyone at school and on the web 1653 01:15:07,958 --> 01:15:10,375 knows that I am the sexiest teacher in the world 1654 01:15:10,458 --> 01:15:12,583 and that kindness is my favorite hobby. 1655 01:15:12,666 --> 01:15:14,708 So I want this to be your day, too. 1656 01:15:14,791 --> 01:15:17,500 I don't want it to be. It's your day, so please leave me alone. 1657 01:15:17,583 --> 01:15:20,166 -Really, please leave me alone. -Okay. Come here. 1658 01:15:20,250 --> 01:15:23,250 Context, Lainy is pregnant and thinking of terminating, 1659 01:15:23,333 --> 01:15:26,250 which is so fine because you know I'm pro-choice like a Rolls Royce. 1660 01:15:26,333 --> 01:15:27,583 Oh my God. 1661 01:15:27,666 --> 01:15:29,625 But this could be our unicorn's last chance! 1662 01:15:29,708 --> 01:15:31,541 Wait, no, you need to go into the wrinkles. 1663 01:15:31,625 --> 01:15:33,500 So we're hoping that we can talk her… 1664 01:15:33,583 --> 01:15:34,916 -…into keeping it, right? -Stop. 1665 01:15:35,583 --> 01:15:38,041 -[Rawn] Yes! -[Shirley] My God, the chat is on fire. 1666 01:15:38,125 --> 01:15:40,000 -Enough. -Wait, no, that's my phone. 1667 01:15:40,083 --> 01:15:42,291 No, I'm turning it off. You're acting like a crazy-- 1668 01:15:42,375 --> 01:15:43,333 Stop it! 1669 01:15:43,416 --> 01:15:45,750 -Oh my God! -Enough! 1670 01:15:46,958 --> 01:15:48,875 I'm not having an abortion! 1671 01:15:48,958 --> 01:15:50,708 Not that there's anything wrong with that. 1672 01:15:50,791 --> 01:15:52,333 Jesus, Shirley, I would. 1673 01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:53,958 Kate has. 1674 01:15:54,041 --> 01:15:55,250 My mom tried. 1675 01:15:55,333 --> 01:15:57,875 Wait, so you are having the baby! Whoo! 1676 01:15:57,958 --> 01:16:00,375 [all chanting] Keep it! Keep it! Keep it! Keep it! 1677 01:16:00,458 --> 01:16:02,166 Stop it! Stop it! 1678 01:16:02,250 --> 01:16:06,333 I'm not! I'm not having the baby! I'm not… I'm not pregnant! 1679 01:16:06,416 --> 01:16:07,791 [crowd murmuring] 1680 01:16:07,875 --> 01:16:09,708 [dramatic music playing] 1681 01:16:11,041 --> 01:16:12,208 I've been lying. 1682 01:16:15,375 --> 01:16:16,625 I'm faking it. 1683 01:16:18,250 --> 01:16:19,708 [all gasp] 1684 01:16:21,791 --> 01:16:22,791 [sighs] 1685 01:16:23,666 --> 01:16:24,625 Meg. 1686 01:16:25,750 --> 01:16:27,500 Steve, get the fucking Mazda. 1687 01:16:31,666 --> 01:16:32,750 [Megan exhaling] 1688 01:16:34,166 --> 01:16:36,458 Josh, let me explain. 1689 01:16:37,916 --> 01:16:39,583 You need serious help. 1690 01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:44,000 [emotional music playing] 1691 01:16:49,333 --> 01:16:50,458 [softly] I'm sorry. 1692 01:16:59,583 --> 01:17:00,916 [footsteps approaching] 1693 01:17:05,791 --> 01:17:07,583 [Kate grunting, sighing] 1694 01:17:09,458 --> 01:17:10,625 [music fades] 1695 01:17:15,250 --> 01:17:16,833 I know you'll never love me again. 1696 01:17:16,916 --> 01:17:18,833 I just hope someday you don't hate me. 1697 01:17:21,791 --> 01:17:23,041 I don't hate you. 1698 01:17:25,291 --> 01:17:26,291 You don't? 1699 01:17:26,375 --> 01:17:28,500 No. I love you. 1700 01:17:29,458 --> 01:17:31,166 I knew that something was up. 1701 01:17:32,291 --> 01:17:33,958 I just didn't know what it was. 1702 01:17:35,166 --> 01:17:36,875 I'm not even mad at you. 1703 01:17:37,583 --> 01:17:39,625 I mean, I'm really mad at Mark. 1704 01:17:40,666 --> 01:17:43,333 For not being happy about this baby at all. 1705 01:17:45,083 --> 01:17:48,000 It's been really hard doing this without you. 1706 01:17:49,250 --> 01:17:50,875 [sighs] Fuck. 1707 01:17:50,958 --> 01:17:52,208 [emotional music playing] 1708 01:17:52,291 --> 01:17:53,666 I was jealous. 1709 01:17:54,708 --> 01:17:58,333 Of you… I was really jealous of Mark. 1710 01:17:58,416 --> 01:17:59,375 [Kate scoffing] 1711 01:18:00,125 --> 01:18:01,375 That's funny. 1712 01:18:02,041 --> 01:18:03,041 For real. 1713 01:18:03,125 --> 01:18:06,250 I've always been jealous of Mark. He gets to spend so much time with you. 1714 01:18:07,291 --> 01:18:08,916 I want to be your husband. 1715 01:18:09,000 --> 01:18:11,875 -You should be. I hate my husband. -[scoffs] 1716 01:18:11,958 --> 01:18:14,833 Sometimes I'll just look at him and be like, "God!" 1717 01:18:14,916 --> 01:18:16,666 [both chuckle] 1718 01:18:16,750 --> 01:18:19,541 No. He's a good guy. 1719 01:18:21,250 --> 01:18:22,708 And he loves you so much. 1720 01:18:23,375 --> 01:18:26,833 And he's going to love this baby. That's who I'm really jealous of. 1721 01:18:27,916 --> 01:18:31,625 This baby gets to have the coolest, funniest, 1722 01:18:31,708 --> 01:18:34,333 most badass mom in the whole world. 1723 01:18:35,375 --> 01:18:37,416 You forgot to say sexiest. 1724 01:18:38,333 --> 01:18:41,500 -Most fuckable mom. This baby… -[laughs] 1725 01:18:43,125 --> 01:18:44,291 No, but really. 1726 01:18:45,625 --> 01:18:47,750 This kid is lucky. 1727 01:18:48,916 --> 01:18:50,083 You really think so? 1728 01:18:50,166 --> 01:18:53,375 Are you serious? You're the only family I've ever known. 1729 01:18:54,208 --> 01:18:57,041 You getting your own family made me, like, 1730 01:18:57,125 --> 01:19:00,708 just crazy and desperate to find my own soulmate. 1731 01:19:01,500 --> 01:19:03,708 Bitch, I'm your soulmate. 1732 01:19:04,291 --> 01:19:05,416 Come here. 1733 01:19:10,041 --> 01:19:13,708 ["At Seventeen" by Janis Ian playing] 1734 01:19:15,500 --> 01:19:19,583 ♪ I learned the truth at 17 ♪ 1735 01:19:19,666 --> 01:19:23,625 ♪ That love was meant for beauty queens ♪ 1736 01:19:24,250 --> 01:19:28,250 ♪ And high school girls With clear-skinned smiles ♪ 1737 01:19:28,750 --> 01:19:30,166 ♪ Who married young and then… ♪ 1738 01:19:30,250 --> 01:19:31,375 Hey. 1739 01:19:31,458 --> 01:19:32,375 [song fades] 1740 01:19:32,458 --> 01:19:34,458 I saw the baby on Instagram. 1741 01:19:35,166 --> 01:19:36,500 She's perfect. 1742 01:19:36,583 --> 01:19:38,208 Uh, it's a he. 1743 01:19:39,666 --> 01:19:40,666 [Lainy gasping] 1744 01:19:43,000 --> 01:19:44,333 I'm the worst. 1745 01:19:44,416 --> 01:19:47,875 I'm not the kind of person who's going to comfort someone who's hurt me. 1746 01:19:50,083 --> 01:19:51,041 That's fair. 1747 01:19:52,916 --> 01:19:55,375 All I ever wanted was to be a mom. 1748 01:19:56,791 --> 01:19:58,250 Since I was a little girl. 1749 01:19:58,875 --> 01:20:00,541 So I put that bump on. 1750 01:20:01,125 --> 01:20:02,833 I went to that stupid yoga class. 1751 01:20:04,250 --> 01:20:07,833 And I met you. And I couldn't help but want to be friends with you. 1752 01:20:08,875 --> 01:20:09,916 And I got stuck. 1753 01:20:11,458 --> 01:20:13,000 You could have just told me. 1754 01:20:13,083 --> 01:20:15,666 I know what a mindfuck it is being a woman, pregnant or not. 1755 01:20:16,416 --> 01:20:19,875 Well, I wanted to tell you. I was just… 1756 01:20:21,583 --> 01:20:25,000 Do you remember what it's like to want a family so bad? 1757 01:20:25,083 --> 01:20:27,208 Of course. Of course. 1758 01:20:29,750 --> 01:20:32,833 I've just always wanted someone to choose me. You know? 1759 01:20:32,916 --> 01:20:34,125 Lainy. 1760 01:20:35,166 --> 01:20:39,041 The most important relationship you are ever going to have is with yourself. 1761 01:20:39,125 --> 01:20:41,125 [emotional music playing] 1762 01:20:42,041 --> 01:20:43,541 Well, I miss you, girl. 1763 01:20:43,625 --> 01:20:44,791 Come here. 1764 01:20:48,833 --> 01:20:50,500 I'm so sorry. 1765 01:20:50,583 --> 01:20:51,625 [Megan] It's okay. 1766 01:20:51,708 --> 01:20:54,333 Oh my God. I was just watching this thing and I… 1767 01:20:58,333 --> 01:20:59,583 Oh my God. 1768 01:21:00,875 --> 01:21:03,083 Oh, no, no! No! 1769 01:21:03,166 --> 01:21:05,083 -Yes. Yes. -[Josh] No! No! 1770 01:21:05,708 --> 01:21:06,958 -No! -[Megan] Oh my God, Josh! 1771 01:21:07,583 --> 01:21:09,791 -Hey, you get down from there right now! -No! 1772 01:21:09,875 --> 01:21:11,375 The neighbors are staring! 1773 01:21:12,416 --> 01:21:13,958 I'm not coming down ever! 1774 01:21:14,041 --> 01:21:17,166 Josh, can I please talk to you for a minute? Just one minute. 1775 01:21:17,250 --> 01:21:18,875 Why? So you can tell me another lie? 1776 01:21:18,958 --> 01:21:22,125 You're not a teacher. You're really a lighthouse keeper. 1777 01:21:22,208 --> 01:21:23,500 I lied. 1778 01:21:24,250 --> 01:21:27,583 I lied to you when I told you that I got pregnant on Thanksgiving. 1779 01:21:27,666 --> 01:21:31,500 I lied to you when I said I do charity work for animals. 1780 01:21:31,583 --> 01:21:34,291 I don't. I've never done any charity work, ever. 1781 01:21:34,375 --> 01:21:38,875 I donate canned goods if they're doing a drive or something, 1782 01:21:38,958 --> 01:21:42,500 but it's just the stuff I don't want to eat, really, you know? 1783 01:21:42,583 --> 01:21:46,416 French cut green beans, creamed corn. I, you know… 1784 01:21:46,500 --> 01:21:48,375 -I like cream corn. -[Megan shushing] 1785 01:21:48,458 --> 01:21:49,291 Steve. 1786 01:21:49,375 --> 01:21:53,958 The point is that I'm not lying to you when I say I am totally in love with you. 1787 01:21:54,916 --> 01:21:57,666 I know it's a big ask, but can we just start over? 1788 01:21:59,333 --> 01:22:01,125 My name's not Sasha Fierce. 1789 01:22:02,666 --> 01:22:03,583 Hi. 1790 01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:06,458 My name is Lainy Newton. 1791 01:22:07,583 --> 01:22:08,708 What's yours? 1792 01:22:14,708 --> 01:22:17,416 Haven't you ever done something stupid for love? 1793 01:22:18,583 --> 01:22:20,583 [Josh inhaling, exhaling] 1794 01:22:24,166 --> 01:22:26,083 Well, it was wrong, and I'm sorry. 1795 01:22:26,166 --> 01:22:27,916 [somber music playing] 1796 01:22:45,416 --> 01:22:46,583 [Josh] Ow, my arms. 1797 01:22:47,333 --> 01:22:49,333 [whimsical music playing] 1798 01:22:57,125 --> 01:22:58,208 [choir vocalizing] 1799 01:23:11,208 --> 01:23:12,208 [sighs] 1800 01:23:12,791 --> 01:23:13,875 [knock on door] 1801 01:23:15,541 --> 01:23:16,583 [music fades] 1802 01:23:17,125 --> 01:23:18,416 Can I come in? 1803 01:23:20,250 --> 01:23:21,208 No. 1804 01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:23,291 [Dave] I brought steak frites. 1805 01:23:33,166 --> 01:23:34,583 So how you been feeling? 1806 01:23:35,208 --> 01:23:36,833 What do you want, Dave? 1807 01:23:36,916 --> 01:23:39,083 I've never known you to be this considerate. 1808 01:23:40,666 --> 01:23:41,625 Is it mine? 1809 01:23:45,833 --> 01:23:48,125 -Yes. -Crap, dammit, I knew it. 1810 01:23:48,208 --> 01:23:50,583 I fucking knew it. I knew it. 1811 01:23:50,666 --> 01:23:52,416 [Dave breathing heavily] 1812 01:23:52,500 --> 01:23:53,583 They're yours. 1813 01:23:53,666 --> 01:23:54,666 They? 1814 01:23:56,125 --> 01:23:57,750 What, like twins? 1815 01:23:58,666 --> 01:24:00,541 Three? Oh, no. 1816 01:24:00,625 --> 01:24:03,916 How? How? [sobs] Oh my God! 1817 01:24:04,000 --> 01:24:04,916 Oh, wait. 1818 01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:06,833 [sobbing] 1819 01:24:07,875 --> 01:24:10,708 No, I can't. I can't do that. 1820 01:24:11,708 --> 01:24:13,750 Oh, my life's over. Shit! 1821 01:24:13,833 --> 01:24:15,291 No, that's good. That's good. 1822 01:24:15,375 --> 01:24:17,916 Yeah, we're gonna… Yeah, three. That's crazy. 1823 01:24:18,000 --> 01:24:19,583 You gonna keep all of them, or… 1824 01:24:20,166 --> 01:24:21,541 God, you suck! 1825 01:24:21,625 --> 01:24:22,791 [velcro tearing] 1826 01:24:24,625 --> 01:24:26,583 Oh, it's not real? That's not real? 1827 01:24:26,666 --> 01:24:28,791 Oh, my… Oh, thank God. 1828 01:24:28,875 --> 01:24:32,666 Fuck yeah! It's not real. Yes! 1829 01:24:33,583 --> 01:24:34,666 [exclaims] 1830 01:24:35,250 --> 01:24:36,750 You are such a dick. 1831 01:24:36,833 --> 01:24:38,375 You're a dick. 1832 01:24:39,166 --> 01:24:41,083 I mean, four years. 1833 01:24:41,166 --> 01:24:44,333 Four fucking years. Were you ever in love with me? 1834 01:24:44,916 --> 01:24:46,333 Lainy, yes. 1835 01:24:46,416 --> 01:24:47,500 I was. 1836 01:24:48,166 --> 01:24:50,958 Now, did I fall out of love with you? Yes. 1837 01:24:54,375 --> 01:24:55,291 I'm sorry. 1838 01:24:56,333 --> 01:24:58,208 I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy. 1839 01:24:58,291 --> 01:25:00,708 No, Lainy, it's not you. 1840 01:25:01,916 --> 01:25:04,375 I realized that I couldn't make you happy. 1841 01:25:04,458 --> 01:25:08,500 You know, you wanted to be a wife and a mom, 1842 01:25:08,583 --> 01:25:10,625 and I thought I wanted that, too, but… 1843 01:25:10,708 --> 01:25:12,416 [breathes deeply, sighs] 1844 01:25:13,166 --> 01:25:16,166 I realized that I wanted so much more… 1845 01:25:17,916 --> 01:25:19,666 -Success. -Pussy. 1846 01:25:19,750 --> 01:25:20,750 [Dave sighing] 1847 01:25:22,625 --> 01:25:24,125 [Lainy sighing] 1848 01:25:26,166 --> 01:25:27,583 I do still love you, though. 1849 01:25:28,916 --> 01:25:30,333 I want you to be okay. 1850 01:25:31,875 --> 01:25:32,958 That's sweet. 1851 01:25:33,041 --> 01:25:34,791 [smacking lips] I'm sweet. 1852 01:25:34,875 --> 01:25:36,375 [chuckles] 1853 01:25:36,458 --> 01:25:38,208 You wanna bone one more time? 1854 01:25:38,708 --> 01:25:39,750 No. 1855 01:25:40,916 --> 01:25:42,333 Why don't you head back over there… 1856 01:25:42,416 --> 01:25:43,750 -…before I stab you? -Right. Okay. 1857 01:25:43,833 --> 01:25:46,833 ["Long Time" by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts playing] 1858 01:25:48,958 --> 01:25:51,250 ♪ It's nice of you to say ♪ 1859 01:25:52,000 --> 01:25:54,000 ♪ We can still be friends ♪ 1860 01:25:54,833 --> 01:25:57,416 [straining] 1861 01:25:57,500 --> 01:26:00,041 Yes! Yes! 1862 01:26:00,541 --> 01:26:03,666 ♪ Sure I always knew We were worlds apart ♪ 1863 01:26:05,958 --> 01:26:09,291 ♪ But that don't help the sadness In my heart ♪ 1864 01:26:09,791 --> 01:26:15,750 ♪ It's gonna take a long time To get you off of my mind ♪ 1865 01:26:17,125 --> 01:26:21,625 [all chattering indistinctly] 1866 01:26:21,708 --> 01:26:26,791 ♪ Gonna take a long time ♪ 1867 01:26:27,541 --> 01:26:28,958 ♪ One, two, three… ♪ 1868 01:26:33,916 --> 01:26:34,916 [song fades] 1869 01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:36,541 bell hooks said, 1870 01:26:36,625 --> 01:26:39,541 "The one person who will never leave us, 1871 01:26:39,625 --> 01:26:41,708 whom we will never lose, 1872 01:26:43,291 --> 01:26:44,625 is ourselves." 1873 01:26:45,291 --> 01:26:51,125 "Learning to love our female selves is where our search for love must begin." 1874 01:26:52,333 --> 01:26:53,791 [Liam] Ms. Newton, 1875 01:26:53,875 --> 01:26:57,125 learning about female selves is mad boring. 1876 01:26:57,208 --> 01:26:59,666 -Shut off, Liam. -Okay. 1877 01:27:00,500 --> 01:27:01,833 No more questions, Brett. 1878 01:27:01,916 --> 01:27:03,625 -But, Ms. Newton-- -Brett… 1879 01:27:04,375 --> 01:27:07,541 …I need you to back up off me today, okay? 1880 01:27:07,625 --> 01:27:09,625 But I'm glad we communicated about this. 1881 01:27:09,708 --> 01:27:13,541 Lainy! There's a Zamboni outside. 1882 01:27:15,791 --> 01:27:19,208 ["Take A Chance On Me" by AWOLNATION (featuring Jewel) playing] 1883 01:27:20,208 --> 01:27:24,666 ♪ Honey, I'm still free Take a chance on me ♪ 1884 01:27:24,750 --> 01:27:29,125 ♪ If you need me, let me know Gonna be around ♪ 1885 01:27:29,208 --> 01:27:33,708 ♪ If you've got no place to go If you're feeling down ♪ 1886 01:27:34,833 --> 01:27:39,416 ♪ If you're all alone When the pretty birds have flown ♪ 1887 01:27:39,500 --> 01:27:41,916 ♪ Honey, I'm still free, take a chance… ♪ 1888 01:27:42,000 --> 01:27:44,000 [engine winding down] 1889 01:27:47,541 --> 01:27:50,416 You know, I once stole my own car 1890 01:27:50,500 --> 01:27:54,375 so I could use the insurance money to buy my girlfriend a bag. 1891 01:27:54,958 --> 01:27:57,791 -A bag? -Yeah, like a designer bag. 1892 01:27:58,875 --> 01:28:00,708 That's really stupid. 1893 01:28:00,791 --> 01:28:02,291 Yeah. Lainy… 1894 01:28:03,458 --> 01:28:04,625 you are insane. 1895 01:28:05,291 --> 01:28:08,125 Really, I think you may be clinically insane, 1896 01:28:08,958 --> 01:28:11,958 but you make me laugh so much. 1897 01:28:12,583 --> 01:28:14,291 I love the way you look at me. 1898 01:28:14,375 --> 01:28:16,583 And I love looking at you. 1899 01:28:16,666 --> 01:28:18,000 [Shirley] Aw. 1900 01:28:18,500 --> 01:28:22,125 I had the best sex I've ever had with you and I didn't see anything. 1901 01:28:25,250 --> 01:28:28,916 You know, someone once said, "Watch out for love, 1902 01:28:29,000 --> 01:28:32,833 unless it is true and every part of you says yes… 1903 01:28:34,291 --> 01:28:35,541 including the toes." 1904 01:28:37,166 --> 01:28:38,666 Anne Sexton. 1905 01:28:39,416 --> 01:28:42,375 Look, I guess what I'm saying is… 1906 01:28:43,416 --> 01:28:46,041 Hi, my name is Josh. 1907 01:28:48,250 --> 01:28:50,125 ♪ If you're all alone… ♪ 1908 01:28:50,208 --> 01:28:52,208 [all cheering] 1909 01:28:52,791 --> 01:28:57,166 ♪ Honey, I'm still free Take a chance on me ♪ 1910 01:28:57,250 --> 01:29:01,625 ♪ Gonna do my very best Baby, can't you see? ♪ 1911 01:29:01,708 --> 01:29:06,083 ♪ Gotta put me to the test Take a chance on me ♪ 1912 01:29:06,166 --> 01:29:08,416 ♪ Take a chance on me ♪ 1913 01:29:08,500 --> 01:29:10,833 ♪ Come on, give me a break, will you? ♪ 1914 01:29:10,916 --> 01:29:12,916 ♪ Take a chance on me ♪ 1915 01:29:13,000 --> 01:29:14,583 [engine starting] 1916 01:29:14,666 --> 01:29:17,708 ♪ Oh, you can take your time, baby ♪ 1917 01:29:17,791 --> 01:29:19,875 ♪ I'm in no hurry ♪ 1918 01:29:19,958 --> 01:29:23,125 -♪ Know I'm gonna get you ♪ -♪ Know I'm gonna get you ♪ 1919 01:29:23,208 --> 01:29:24,125 [zamboni crashing] 1920 01:29:26,208 --> 01:29:28,041 -Oh, sorry! -Oh, no. 1921 01:29:28,125 --> 01:29:31,208 -[Lainy] Oh, my God, no, I got it! -[Josh] I drive this! 1922 01:29:31,291 --> 01:29:33,125 -I got it! -No. Take your foot off the gas! 1923 01:29:33,208 --> 01:29:35,916 -I thought I was on the brake! -Get out of the way! 1924 01:29:36,000 --> 01:29:37,458 -No, it's not! -[Lainy] All right! 1925 01:29:37,541 --> 01:29:38,750 You're on the gas! 1926 01:29:39,541 --> 01:29:41,625 -Oh… -Fuck! 1927 01:29:41,708 --> 01:29:43,500 [all screaming] 1928 01:29:44,333 --> 01:29:46,416 -[man] Look out! -[screaming] 1929 01:29:47,625 --> 01:29:49,291 -Oh, shit. -[panting] 1930 01:29:52,208 --> 01:29:54,208 Oh, fuck. 1931 01:29:54,708 --> 01:29:57,708 ["Bam Bam (Henry Fong Remix)" by Sister Nancy playing] 1932 01:30:56,541 --> 01:30:58,041 [song fades] 1933 01:30:58,125 --> 01:31:00,666 [upbeat music playing] 1934 01:31:30,625 --> 01:31:32,625 [uplifting music playing] 1935 01:37:43,541 --> 01:37:45,083 [music fades]