1
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,397
We are family

2
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,311
l got all my sisters with me

3
00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,917
We are family

4
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,031
Get up, everybody, and sing

5
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,751
We are family

6
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,671
l got all my sisters with me

7
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,551
We are family

8
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,835
Get up, everybody, and sing

9
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,996
We are family

10
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:54,831
l got all my sisters with me

11
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,836
We are family

12
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,516
Get up, everybody, and sing

13
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,470
We are family

14
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,071
l got all my sisters with me

15
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,837
Agador, where is Starina?
She goes on in five minutes.

16
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,951
Get up, everybody, and sing

17
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,395
Everyone can see we're together

18
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:25,915
As we walk on by

19
00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,393
And we fly just like birds of a feather

20
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:33,879
l won't tell no lie

21
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,634
All of the people around us they say

22
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,078
Can they be that close?

23
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,031
Let me state for the record

24
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:49,354
We're giving love in a family dose

25
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,275
Armand.

26
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,190
The Kennedys are here for supper.
Do we pick up their tab?

27
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:31,309
Ted?

28
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,352
No. Just the younger ones.

29
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,509
Wish we could get Ted.
Give them free coffee.

30
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,278
Leave room for coffee.

31
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:48,116
Where's Starina?

32
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,595
Agador said she'd be down in five.

33
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,991
We are family

34
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,871
Get up, everybody, and sing

35
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,591
We are family

36
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,468
Okay, let's go.

37
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,674
You look great.

38
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,314
Starina won't go on.
She's a-still in her robe.

39
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,111
Damn!

40
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,151
l don't know what happened.

41
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,830
Go upstairs. Try to get her ready.
l'll be right up. Go!

42
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:39,915
She won't.

43
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:44,279
Merde! Have Carmen get ready to do
Starina's number, just in case.

44
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,640
Honey, please.
You got to get dressed for me.

45
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:53,556
No, Agador.

46
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:58,151
Victoria Page will not dance
the Dance of the Red Shoes tonight.

47
00:04:58,640 --> 00:04:59,117
Or any other night.

48
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,390
How 'bout just your stockings, okay?

49
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,278
Victoria Page is dead.

50
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:05,992
But watch how nice
l'm gonna put it for you.

51
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,189
You know how she died?

52
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:10,118
Alone... weeping for her lover.

53
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,551
Darling, have you eaten?
You look haggard.

54
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,714
Please! You gotta help me a little.

55
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,832
- What is this?
- Supplements.

56
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,030
l bought them for Armand, but

57
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,355
that's all over now.

58
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,035
Okay.

59
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:35,872
Albert!

60
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,274
Agh!

61
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,238
Where are you? Albert, come on!

62
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,397
- Open up, Albert, baby.
- Get out!

63
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,954
- Open it, Albert!
- Go away!

64
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,592
l don't want him to see me.
l'm hideous!

65
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:54,471
Fuck!

66
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,192
l'm calling 91 1!

67
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:57,753
Agador, abre la puerta!

68
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,593
- Open the door!
- l'm trying, but he's so crazy.

69
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:03,550
Albert!

70
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,678
Are you trying to ruin me?

71
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,870
Don't look at me. l'm hideous!

72
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,951
Hideous! Fat and hideous!

73
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,712
Agador, l'm in such pain.

74
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,111
l know, honey. lt's gonna pass.

75
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,515
No! lt will never pass. l hate my life.

76
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,588
Are you crazy?
lt's packed out there!

77
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,234
That's all l am to you - a meal ticket.

78
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,596
- l can't stand this.
- Forget about my feelings.

79
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:32,508
Forget about my suffering.
lt's just about your show.

80
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,631
Not even our show. Your show.

81
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,515
l want a palimony agreement, now.

82
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,679
l don't have one on me.
ls tomorrow okay?

83
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,030
- Don't use that tone to me.
- What tone?

84
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:47,676
That tone that implies you know
everything because you're a man

85
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:49,358
and l know nothing
because l'm a woman.

86
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,313
- You're not a woman.
- Oh, you bastard!

87
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,756
Everybody, take it easy.

88
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,831
Whatever l am, he made me.

89
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,637
l was adorable once,
young and full of hope.

90
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,192
Now, look at me. l'm this short,

91
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:08,432
fat, insecure, middle-aged

92
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:09,390
thing!

93
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:10,835
l made you short?

94
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,758
What do l do?
The number is nearly over.

95
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,233
Do l send Carmen on for Starina?

96
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:19,396
We have no choice.

97
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:20,877
Yes.

98
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,912
Not Carmen! How dare you?

99
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,039
- Do it!
- No! No!

100
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,389
Cyril, go. Please.

101
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,876
l will go on. The people
have come to see Starina.

102
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,634
Starina will not disappoint them,
even in this state.

103
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:38,271
Put on the mambo number. Have Beatrice
and Dante get the staircase ready.

104
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,713
- My hands are shaking.
- That's okay.

105
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,070
Agador, l need some Pirin tablets.

106
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,077
- What are you taking?
- Nothing.

107
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,873
Just one, okay?
One before the show

108
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,193
and one after.
No more, so don't ask.

109
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,430
Thank you, my darling Agador.

110
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,638
l'm gonna put this here for you.

111
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,478
Breathe. lgnore the bad things.

112
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:02,071
This room is so crowded. Can l have
a moment to myself to prepare?

113
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,072
Let's leave her. Come on.

114
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,633
Why are you giving him drugs?
What the hell are Pirin tablets?

115
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,718
Aspirin, with the ''A'' and ''S'' scraped off.

116
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,350
- What a brilliant idea.
- l know.

117
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,949
l don't believe it!
You're shaving your chest now?

118
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:27,872
l didn't have time to wax.

119
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,511
lndifference is the most
awful thing in the world.

120
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:38,111
l've done everything l could
to make myself attractive for you.

121
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,432
l've lost and gained over
a hundred pounds in the last year.

122
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,952
l've yo-yoed from a 16 to a 10 to a 16

123
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,359
and you've never said a word.

124
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:53,712
Not one hint of encouragement,
not one scrap of validation.

125
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,357
lf not for the Pirin tablets,
l couldn't go on.

126
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,040
lf you don't finish making up,
l'll kill myself.

127
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:04,834
You don't love me any more.

128
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:05,915
Oh, shit.

129
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,875
- There's a man in your life.
- What?

130
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:09,830
l sense it.

131
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,915
And l saw a bottle of white wine

132
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,150
chilling in the refrigerator.

133
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:16,989
l only drink red.

134
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:18,915
And so do you.

135
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:24,715
There's no man.

136
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,269
l'm switching to white
because red has tannins.

137
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:33,159
Now there are 1 50 people out there,
half of them Kennedys, waiting for you.

138
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,832
Waiting to applaud you.
To applaud the great Starina.

139
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:37,676
Tannins?!

140
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,669
- What do you do while l'm on stage?
- Nothing. l lie here.

141
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:46,510
Where do you go while l'm killing myself
on stage? l know that look.

142
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,718
Go ahead, hit me. Go on.

143
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,029
That's what you want to do.
Do it. Hit me.

144
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,957
Go on, hit me.

145
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,838
La virgen lloraba

146
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:03,113
La virgen lloraba

147
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:23,710
Ladies and gentlemen,

148
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:25,878
the one, the only,

149
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,830
the incomparable Starina.

150
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,793
Thank you and welcome to The Birdcage.

151
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,798
As you see, l've just gotten back
from safari. l picked up a new muff.

152
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,117
Look, it comes with accessories.

153
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,038
Don't look at me like that.
l didn't kill him.

154
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,798
He died and left me everything.

155
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:31,556
Oh, where are the couple
celebrating their anniversary?

156
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,231
Mon congrats, you sweeties.

157
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,959
l may have something
to celebrate myself very soon.

158
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,799
l think l have found the one.

159
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:46,277
Yes.

160
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,518
You know l hate to brag,

161
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:50,436
but

162
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,757
l knew this grocery clerk

163
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:55,999
Unprepossessing

164
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,751
Some think the boy's a jerk

165
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:20,915
Excuse me.

166
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,552
Hello. What do you think?

167
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,551
You look like Lucy's stunt double.

168
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,395
l'm a combination of Lucy and Ricky.

169
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,796
And it's terrifying.
Get out the white wine,

170
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,957
chill two glasses
and take the night off.

171
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,640
Why you talk to me
like l'm your servant?

172
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,876
Because you're our faithful houseman.

173
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,753
My father was the shaman of his tribe,

174
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,229
my mother was the high priestess.

175
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:49,952
Then why did they move to New Jersey?

176
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,993
l don't know. They so stupid.
They want me to have a career.

177
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:58,352
Hello? A career? When you gonna
let me audition for you again?

178
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,472
When you have talent.

179
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,556
Now take off the wig
or l'll tell Albert you wore it.

180
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,759
You do that, l'm gonna tell him you're
seeing someone while he's on stage.

181
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,996
l have two words for you: Green Card.

182
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,199
Now go! And leave
the front door unlocked.

183
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,915
You're such a beast to everybody.

184
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,109
Come on, Gloria.

185
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:52,435
Hey.

186
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,311
You keep getting better looking.

187
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:04,839
Thank you. So do you.

188
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,555
Oh, no. Really?

189
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,275
l feel bloated.

190
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,676
- You think l look good?
- You look great.

191
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,119
That's very sweet.

192
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,311
l'm glad you cut your hair.

193
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:24,959
- Did you eat?
- Yes.

194
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,350
Something to drink?

195
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:30,189
- Beer, if you have it.
- l do not. Talk about bloat.

196
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:32,275
White wine.

197
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:33,835
Swell.

198
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,389
- How long has Albert been on?
- He just went on.

199
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,311
l gave Agador the night off.

200
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,559
So we're all alone.

201
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,155
As requested.

202
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,031
Since when do you like beer?

203
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:54,991
So, l have something to tell you.

204
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,153
But l don't want you
to get how you get.

205
00:14:58,720 --> 00:14:59,675
Oh, God.

206
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,308
l'm getting married.

207
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,313
l didn't want to tell you over the phone.

208
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,230
lt's a girl. l met her at school.

209
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:16,511
lt's wonderful... Are you upset?

210
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,639
Let me tell you why.

211
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,672
First, you're only 20.

212
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,679
Pop, l know l'm young.

213
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:29,314
But you've always said l was
a very level-headed guy. And l am.

214
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:33,752
l have job offers, l know what l want.
And l have an incredible role model.

215
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,029
- Oh, please.
- lt's true.

216
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,833
l'm the only guy in my fraternity
who isn't from a broken home.

217
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,077
Stop flattering me. lt's cheap.

218
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,395
ls it all right, Dad?

219
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,195
Does it matter?

220
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,628
Of course it does.

221
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,477
Say it's okay, before Albert arrives
and starts screaming.

222
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,239
l can't. And l won't.

223
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,389
This is too crazy.

224
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,076
You do this, you're on your own.
Got that, sport?

225
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,953
Don't come back,
don't ask me for anything.

226
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,116
- l want nothing to do with it.
- Okay.

227
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,310
- lf that's how you feel.
- l do.

228
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,593
- Fine. Goodbye, Pop.
- Goodbye, son.

229
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,439
You called my bluff.

230
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:17,397
lt was good.

231
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,589
- Really?
- Not bad.

232
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,233
l got backed off on a little bit.

233
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,238
Tell me it's all right.

234
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:28,352
lt's all right. l always dreamed you would.
Just not so soon.

235
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,073
Come on. Drop your bags, stay a while.

236
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,076
Let's drink a toast to this catastrophe.

237
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:39,276
l'm kidding.

238
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,395
lt's all right.

239
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,712
What's the young lady's name?

240
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,071
Barbara.

241
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,952
Are you crazy? Forget it.

242
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,197
Married? You're not even 18!

243
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,874
Who is this boy, Barbie?
When did you last see him?

244
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:57,516
Don't call me Barbie. Today at two.
We've been sleeping together for a year.

245
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,473
Oh, God! Has he been tested?

246
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:01,869
Oh, Kevin!

247
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:02,910
Yes, and so have l.

248
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,039
This has to wait until after the election.

249
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,918
Where does the young man come from,
Barbie... ra? Who is his father?

250
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:18,431
His father is in the arts.
He's on the Council of Cultural Arts.

251
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,512
Did they fund the Mapplethorpe exhibit?

252
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:25,112
No! Goodness, no.
He's a cultural attach� to Greece.

253
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:26,635
Really?

254
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,599
What the hell is that?

255
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:34,158
That's kind of a diplomatic post.
lt's a sort of an ambassador.

256
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,998
What does the mother do?

257
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,715
She's a housewife.

258
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,556
That's so refreshing,
isn't it, Kevin?

259
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,113
l can't talk about this now.

260
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,354
- Hello.
- You all right?

261
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,120
Yes. l just told them.

262
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,955
Me, too. And my father is...

263
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:56,392
..very excited. He's raising his glass
to toast us right now.

264
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,114
l'm going to put him on.
Yes. Take it.

265
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,399
- You said his parents were in Greece.
- Dad, get off the phone!

266
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:03,475
Take it.

267
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:05,989
Hello, Barbara.

268
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:07,873
Here's to your future.

269
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,594
Shit! No, dear,
that was not my toast.

270
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,357
l broke my glass. l'm sorry.

271
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:14,435
That's okay.

272
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,958
lt was nice talking to you.
We'll talk again soon.

273
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,792
How dare you eavesdrop?!

274
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,275
- You said his parents were in Greece.
- They are.

275
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:27,235
You saw this boy at 2.00 today
and now he's in Greece with his parents?

276
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,075
No.

277
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:31,830
Greece?

278
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,473
They're back for the winter.

279
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,076
They're at their home in South Beach.

280
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,474
ls that like Palm Beach?

281
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,988
lt's close. lt's about two minutes
from where Jeb Bush lives.

282
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:45,595
Really?

283
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:04,275
Ah-ha!

284
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,788
- Wait.
- Who is he?

285
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,550
Who? Where's your little chippie?

286
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,550
Will you stop screaming? lt's Val.

287
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:13,516
Val?

288
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,915
He's asleep in his room
if you don't believe me.

289
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,119
Why didn't you tell me?

290
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,675
Surprise.

291
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,390
- Mornin', Albert.
- Good morning!

292
00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:11,315
What beautiful flowers!

293
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,590
- Morning, Albert.
- Good morning.

294
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:20,029
We have nice, fresh lobster
this morning, Albert.

295
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,839
No, thank you, Mr Lopez.
Not today. The piglet is home.

296
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,313
You want the cake delivered?

297
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:32,230
Yes, please. And remember to write
''To my Piglet, from his Auntie'' on it.

298
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:33,156
You got it.

299
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:37,239
Thank you, Mr Boynton.
l want to get back before he wakes up.

300
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,191
l'll just try this sample.

301
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,278
Chocolate schnecken.

302
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,351
A triumph. Well, bye-bye.

303
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:52,310
Perhaps one more schnecken. Do you
mind? When the schnecken beckons...

304
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,272
- Good morning.
- Not yet.

305
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,473
What is this, sludge?

306
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,388
Yes. l thought it would make
a nice change from coffee.

307
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,757
Why don't you tell me Val was coming,
you bad man?

308
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,394
l would not have been so sassy to you.

309
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,552
Will you put some clothes on?

310
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,955
Why don't you let me be in the show?

311
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,674
Are you afraid of my Guatemalanness?

312
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:19,796
Your what?

313
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,229
My Guatemalanness.
My natural heat.

314
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:27,639
You're afraid l'm too primitive to perform
with your little oestrogen Rockettes.

315
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,910
You're right. l'm afraid of your heat.

316
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,109
Here l am.

317
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,794
The bag lady.
Good morning, Agador.

318
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,238
Wash those, will you?
They're delivering the rest around noon.

319
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:39,634
Good morning.

320
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:41,799
My God, that beard!

321
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,030
- Here you go.
- Thank you, dear.

322
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,751
Turkish coffee. Delicious.

323
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:51,995
See?

324
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,919
- ls Val still asleep?
- Mmm-hmm.

325
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:58,558
He must be exhausted, poor baby.
You should have told me he was coming.

326
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,116
l'm so ashamed of how l acted.
But how could l know?

327
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:07,591
The truth is, you hate sharing your son
with me. You're always pushing me away.

328
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:12,794
Oh, will you look at this shirt?
lt's a rag!

329
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:17,153
No matter how many shirts l send him,
he only wears this one.

330
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,350
You look awful. What's wrong?

331
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,039
Val's getting married.

332
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,993
Don't be silly.
l got pork roast for dinner.

333
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:27,829
l wanted to get fillet mignons
but they're so expensive.

334
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,592
What do you mean, married?

335
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,119
You know what l mean.

336
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,754
- l don't understand.
- Yes, you do.

337
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,877
To some girl he met at school.

338
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,072
Oh, no! Oh, but...

339
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,833
He's just a baby. He'll ruin his life!

340
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,994
We've been all through that, okay?

341
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:54,751
He's getting married, no matter
what we say. The less said, the better.

342
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,233
Oh, my God.

343
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:00,832
l woke up feeling so good.

344
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,590
Now, all of a sudden, l feel

345
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,472
so funny.

346
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:07,919
Just breathe. Let it go.

347
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,308
Oh, you've heard.

348
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:15,553
Oh, Vallie! Oh, my God,
this is such a shock.

349
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,996
l'm not saying anything.
l promised your father.

350
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,512
But at 20, if you throw yourself away
on some dormitory slut,

351
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,872
you'll be sorry the rest of your life.
There! Enough said. Subject closed.

352
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:28,955
Hey, hey!

353
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,717
Well, don't just stand there.
Give me a kiss!

354
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,354
Or are you too grown-up for that now?

355
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:37,475
Hello, Albie.

356
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:44,036
Armand, our baby is going to leave us.
And we won't have any others.

357
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:45,798
Not without a miracle.

358
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:51,236
When Senator Keeley and l founded
the Coalition for Moral Order,

359
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:55,319
it was to express moral,
rather than political, views.

360
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,398
What Senator Jackson
is trying to say is that

361
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,112
morality is political.

362
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,235
Abortion, same-sex marriage...

363
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:04,918
lt's a wonderful show.

364
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,550
The most intelligent one on television.

365
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:12,117
Pornography would not exist if politicians
didn't make laws to protect them.

366
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,277
That's why both houses
are now Republican.

367
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:18,909
lt's the perfect platform.

368
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:24,194
l'm glad l got on Jackson's bandwagon
instead of Dole. Dole is just too...

369
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:25,471
Dark.

370
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,591
l was going to say liberal,
but he's dark, too.

371
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,838
l gotta fire this woman.

372
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,630
This young man Barbie wants to marry,...

373
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,512
Miss Porter, page two,

374
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,559
paragraph two,
it's ''porno'', not ''pronto''.

375
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,639
l wonder if he's old money.
l mean, a cultural attach�.

376
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:46,716
Your campaign manager is calling.
He says he's got to talk to you.

377
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,239
Thank you, Bridget.

378
00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,195
Hello, Ben.

379
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:01,995
Ready for what?

380
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:04,836
What?

381
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,439
What's wrong, Kevin?

382
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:07,909
Jackson's dead.

383
00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:09,075
Oh, my God.

384
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,192
He died in bed? Whose bed?

385
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:13,475
A prostitute?

386
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,036
A minor? And black?

387
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,593
l don't believe this. l don't
fucking believe this! l'm ruined!

388
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:27,555
You cannot be held responsible
for Senator Jackson's private life.

389
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:31,238
l'm the Vice President
of the Coalition for Moral Order.

390
00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:34,875
My co-founder just died in the bed
of an underage black whore!

391
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,356
Wait until the media finds out!

392
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:38,390
Bridget!

393
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,631
l could really use some candy!

394
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:42,988
You want one of these?

395
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:44,435
Oh, this.

396
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:47,715
My baby.

397
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,795
Why does it seem

398
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,918
So real to me?

399
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,078
Albert, you're driving me crazy.

400
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:02,155
l know, but...

401
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,038
Track and field award.

402
00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:13,112
There's the bar mitzvah.

403
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,038
Time passes so quickly.

404
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:22,996
Well, he looked kind of funny,
but he was smiling, so l didn't worry.

405
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,152
How do they get them on so quickly?

406
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:26,755
They pay.

407
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,193
They're not mentioning you much.

408
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:31,595
lt's early.

409
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,276
Senator Jackson's last
words tonight on ''lnside Edition''.

410
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,950
Can you get a good shot of the house?

411
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,717
We may not make the live shot.
lf we must, l'll do a stand-up.

412
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,188
''He looked kind of funny

413
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,914
''but he was smiling, so l didn't worry.''

414
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,954
Yeah, we got a good spot. l don't know
if he's going to... Excuse me.

415
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:56,074
Why don't you set up there?
Figure you'll get part of the house in the...

416
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:57,914
l don't know if he'll come out.

417
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,479
Where's Dad?

418
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:08,193
He snuck out to meet with his advisors.
They wouldn't come here.

419
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,880
l shouldn't have let him go.
How will he get back in?

420
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:13,675
Mom?

421
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:20,677
Mom, l have something to tell you
about Val's parents.

422
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,271
They can't blame us for this.

423
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,717
Eli Jackson was a common redneck.
We never saw him socially.

424
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,873
They can understand that, can't they?
Thank goodness they're not snobs.

425
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:32,790
Oh!

426
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,198
What are you doing here?

427
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,398
l came through the orchard,
over the barn.

428
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,478
You could have fallen.

429
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:52,799
l did! l'm a wreck. This thing
is all anyone can talk about.

430
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,070
Kevin? There may be a solution.

431
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,833
What, death?
lt didn't work for Jackson.

432
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,957
What about a wedding?
A big, white wedding.

433
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,513
What wedding?
Who's getting married?

434
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:08,875
No, no!

435
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,994
Why not?
lt would restore your image.

436
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:18,118
A wedding is hope. And a white wedding
is family and morality and tradition.

437
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,471
And it would be such a special marriage.

438
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:25,911
The son of a cultural attach�,
a sort of a diplomat, really,

439
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,317
who doesn't look down on us
because of Senator Jackson,

440
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:33,956
willingly joining our family. lt'd mean
the cover of People, Time and Newsweek.

441
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,393
Love and optimism
versus cynicism and sex!

442
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:42,157
lt would be an affirmation! We could get
the Pope's blessing. lt's not hard.

443
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:47,236
No, he's too controversial.
What about Billy Graham?

444
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:48,429
No, he's too liberal.

445
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:49,913
Where's the candy?

446
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:51,359
You've had enough candy.

447
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:54,354
This boy - what's his father's name?

448
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:55,436
Armand

449
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:56,870
Coleman.

450
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,631
l wonder if they're related
to Tish and Bobo Coleman.

451
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,671
- Are they from Boston?
- No.

452
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:06,918
l think we should go to South Beach.
We should have dinner.

453
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,475
We'll have dinner with them
and stay with the Bushes.

454
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:16,914
Mr and Mrs Armand Coleman
of Greece and South Beach.

455
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,477
What is this dream l see?

456
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,876
Why does it seem so real

457
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:44,235
To me?

458
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:49,552
What if this dream turns out to be

459
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:51,639
More than a dream?

460
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,954
Fairy dust, fairy dust, fairy dust.

461
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:02,069
Come, little dream and play

462
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:04,829
Don't be afraid

463
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,189
Don't fade away

464
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,359
Quick, little dream

465
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,475
Before you're gone

466
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:15,115
Let's get it on

467
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:19,189
You... Oh!

468
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:20,435
l saw that.

469
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,080
Well, this is impossible.
Either l'm an artist

470
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,909
or l'm just some cheap drag queen
trying to get laughs.

471
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,314
Let's just get through it.

472
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,477
l have to understand
every nuance of a song.

473
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:36,952
l have to give my all. Everyone else can
just ''get through it''. He's chewing gum.

474
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:38,514
Chewing gum helps me think.

475
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,512
Sweetie, you're wasting your gum.

476
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,712
Let's keep going.
And no more talking - from anyone.

477
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,239
- l need to talk to you.
- Sit.

478
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,920
- lt's important.
- Quiet. He's rehearsing.

479
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,955
And l the dreamer

480
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,356
Each night anew

481
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,395
Tell me, my dream

482
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,598
Are you a dreamer, too?

483
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:02,836
What is it?

484
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:06,509
- Can you come upstairs with me?
- No. Not right now.

485
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:13,115
Did you see what he just did?
Hello, Vallie, darling.

486
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,312
- What did he do?
- He blew a bubble.

487
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:18,749
He can't do that while l'm singing!

488
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,472
Celsius, look, this may be a drag show

489
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:24,479
but it still has be a good drag show.
lf possible, a great one.

490
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:25,919
Just because you're 22 and hung...

491
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,229
l'll do this, Albert.

492
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,231
- You're the director.
- Thank you.

493
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,993
This is a complex number,
full of mythic themes.

494
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,554
The woman who is singing
invented you.

495
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,549
You are her fantasy. Suddenly,

496
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:39,351
you,

497
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:43,553
the fantasy, see her, your inventor,
and she becomes your fantasy.

498
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:47,590
- l don't get it.
- Try more gum.

499
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:49,029
- Albert.
- l hear you.

500
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,798
Thank you. l know you do.

501
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,959
Celsius, let's start with the premise

502
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,356
that when you see this stunning,
smouldering creature,

503
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:02,109
she transcends your desire to chew.
She electrifies you!

504
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,676
Something starts in your pelvis
and goes to your heart,

505
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,394
where it becomes heartlpelvis.

506
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:10,238
- Pop?
- Yes? Coming!

507
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:12,951
What do l do?
Stand here like an object?

508
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:15,833
No. You do an eclectic celebration
of the dance!

509
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:20,397
You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! Or Martha
Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham!

510
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:25,435
Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd,
Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd!

511
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,717
Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!
But you keep it all inside.

512
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,155
Work on that. l'll be right back.
lt's looking wonderful.

513
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:35,515
Barbara's coming with her parents.

514
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:36,959
- When?
- Tomorrow.

515
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,198
That's plenty of time.

516
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,994
There's more. There's a lot more.

517
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:47,235
Wine?

518
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,996
No. Let's hear it.
l have to get back to rehearsal.

519
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:59,192
Dad, Barbara's father is a senator,
a conservative senator.

520
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,869
He's running for re-election.
And she told him

521
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:08,957
you're the cultural attach� to Greece
and Albert is a housewife.

522
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:10,471
What?

523
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,078
She had to. He founded
the Coalition for Moral Order.

524
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,154
l don't care who he is.
l don't want to be someone else.

525
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:19,755
Do you want me to be?

526
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:23,429
No, no. Of course not.
And neither does she. But...

527
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:26,593
Dad, he's Kevin Keeley.

528
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,233
Who's Kevin Keeley?

529
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:30,674
Do you read the newspaper?

530
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:35,237
Of course. Variety, the Arts and Leisure
section of the Times...

531
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,272
What don't l know?
Are you marrying some Nazi?

532
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,229
No. He's conservative,
like half of America is conservative.

533
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,513
And l'm marrying her, not him.

534
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,030
- l need your help.
- Not for this.

535
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:48,150
You've done it before.

536
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,471
Lied about who l am? Never.

537
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,680
When l started Edison Park,
remember what you said?

538
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:54,596
No.

539
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,395
You said if Miss Donovan asked,
l should say you were a businessman.

540
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:01,273
You were a baby, and she was

541
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,868
a small-minded idiot.
l didn't want you to get hurt.

542
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,229
lt's different now. You're a man.

543
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:08,759
l can still get hurt.

544
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:13,869
lt would mean everything to me
if you would help us.

545
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,118
lt's just for one night.

546
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,948
This is insane.
What do l do, close the club

547
00:34:21,240 --> 00:34:24,471
so l can pretend to be a cultural attach�,
whatever that is?

548
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:28,635
And what about Albert? How do you
make Albert into a housewife?

549
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:30,876
Well, you'd have to send him away.

550
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,514
Are you nuts?
You try sending Albert away.

551
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:37,428
We'd never get him past the Keeleys.
Dad, we have to rid of a few things.

552
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:38,555
What things?

553
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:41,952
Well, that, for example.

554
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,511
Neptune? That's a classic.

555
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:46,995
And this.

556
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:49,198
The Kirby? That's art!

557
00:34:50,240 --> 00:34:51,559
And how about that?

558
00:34:58,360 --> 00:34:59,315
That better?

559
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:14,232
Look, it's not just one or two things, okay?
lt's everything.

560
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,513
We'll have to tone this down a little.

561
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,200
Just make it a bit more
like other people's homes.

562
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:26,474
l see. So we need a total redecoration,
so we can be more like other people.

563
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,714
And you're going to have to try to

564
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,117
you know,
change your mannerisms a little.

565
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,435
- What are you saying?
- Just be a little less obvious.

566
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:38,515
l'm obvious?

567
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:40,515
Pop...

568
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:52,991
l just had the walls sponge-painted, Val.

569
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:59,793
You better come downstairs.
She's trying to take his gum away.

570
00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:03,559
l'll be right down.

571
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:10,277
Yes, l wear foundation.
Yes, l live with a man.

572
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:13,751
Yes, l'm a middle-aged fag.

573
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,950
But l know who l am, Val.
lt took me 20 years to get here.

574
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,038
l won't let some idiot senator destroy that.

575
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:24,789
Fuck the Senator.
l don't give a damn what he thinks.

576
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:36,352
We're still outside the home of Senator
Kevin Keeley, co-founder of the Coalition

577
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:41,309
for Senator Jackson's colleague,
Senator Kevin Keeley.

578
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:45,149
At this point, we don't know
if the Senator is at home...

579
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:49,309
Earlier reports placed him
at the home of Senator Robert Dole.

580
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,189
We're here at what
they're calling Camp Keeley,

581
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,316
waiting for the Senator to appear.

582
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,591
The Senator was co-founder
of the Coalition for Moral Order

583
00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:00,676
with Senator Eli Jackson.

584
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,997
The Senator has been besieged here,
outside his palatial estate

585
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:10,353
by a virtual army of media, waiting
for his comment on the events of late.

586
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:17,958
Where you driving him?

587
00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:20,798
South Beach, Florida.

588
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:29,390
There have been a lot of tasteless jokes
going around

589
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,556
about the death of Senator Jackson.

590
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,275
And here's another one.

591
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:38,792
Join Jay on ''The Tonight Show'' with
guests Yassir Arafat and Kate Moss.

592
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:40,319
This is unbearable.

593
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:51,715
Kevin, no!

594
00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:55,678
l'm going down the ladder.
l can't face the press.

595
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,792
Have the chauffeur
pick me up by the orchard.

596
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:00,956
No! l don't want
to go out there alone!

597
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:04,675
Barbara will be with you.
lt's not you they're after.

598
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:07,035
Daddy!

599
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:09,913
l'm going the back way.

600
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:13,715
What about your announcing Barbara's
wedding to the Coleman boy?

601
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:16,638
Wait till we meet them.
What if they change their mind?

602
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:19,235
Let go of my coat.
l'll meet you in the car.

603
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,788
He's leaving his home.
Senator Keeley!

604
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:32,797
Senator, will this cost you votes?

605
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:34,672
What's the future of the Coalition?

606
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,559
What about the rumours Senator Jackson
was on lithium?

607
00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:42,674
Uh, gentlemen,... and ladies,

608
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,474
l am, as are all my colleagues,

609
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:50,716
Republican and Democrat,
liberal and conservative alike,

610
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,718
stunned and saddened
by the circumstances surrounding

611
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:58,072
the death of Senator Jackson,
as well as the death itself.

612
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:00,870
My family and l

613
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:05,915
are leaving town for a few days, uh,
for reasons that l cannot, uh...

614
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,190
To, um, plan an event.

615
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:10,348
An event which

616
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:12,308
l cannot, uh

617
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,116
which may perhaps heal some of the

618
00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:17,913
bad, uh, things, that

619
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,876
Senator Jackson's demise
has made us all

620
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:23,156
feel.

621
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,390
Where are you going, Senator?

622
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,952
Where? To our farm. That's all
l'm going to say at this time.

623
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,238
- Did you know the girl?
- Where is the farm?

624
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,671
Agador? Goddamn it.

625
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:29,194
What did l do?

626
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:33,393
We're redoing the apartment
for tomorrow night. Goddamn it.

627
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,670
This is for the in-laws, right?

628
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:40,552
Right. We gotta get rid of everything
that's over the top.

629
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:42,755
That's a lot.

630
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,718
You'll have to get a uniform
and dress like a butler.

631
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,478
No. l'm gonna look like a fag.

632
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,873
But you'll look like a fag in a uniform.

633
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:53,434
Don't ask, don't tell.

634
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:56,632
Start tomorrow morning.
l'll get Albert out early.

635
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,239
Where will l get a uniform?

636
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:00,954
l'll say, ''Albert,
you must go away for a few days.''

637
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:01,910
Ay, Dio.

638
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:02,995
lt'll be hard.

639
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,431
l got so much to do.

640
00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:07,116
Pop.

641
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:10,875
Thank you.

642
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,117
Do me a favour, Val.
Don't talk to me for a while.

643
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,675
Kevin, please, let's charter a plane.

644
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:36,954
No. We can't get out of the car. Once
we get out of the car, we'll be spotted.

645
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:58,268
How l love the sun.

646
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,070
Yes, it's glorious, isn't it?

647
00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:06,314
You know, you could use some more sun.
Take a few days off. You look tired.

648
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:08,789
What do you mean?

649
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:10,315
Nothing.

650
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,033
Don't kill yourselves.

651
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,353
Who put Playboy in the bathroom?

652
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:27,959
lt's what they read.

653
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,751
Don't add. Just subtract.

654
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:36,359
Please hurry. This place
has to look respectable by six.

655
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:38,149
Cyril, that's too short.

656
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:41,238
l want that nice Armani break in the front.

657
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:47,031
But don't just pull it. Do it down there.
l got highwaters here.

658
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:49,955
That's it.

659
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:53,999
- But you must have meant something.
- l meant you looked tired.

660
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:57,396
Tired means old. ''You look tired''
means ''you look old''.

661
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,397
''You look rested''
means you had collagen.

662
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:02,432
You look wonderful.
Let's go window shopping.

663
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:03,959
No, l want to go home.

664
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:07,631
On a day like this?
l'll buy you anything you want.

665
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,433
Anything? l'll have to change my shoes.

666
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:11,993
- l'll buy you some.
- l need peds.

667
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:12,950
l'll buy you sandals.

668
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:16,709
Armand! What's going on?
Why can't we go home?

669
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:18,599
Nothing. Nothing.

670
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:21,354
Then l'll see you upstairs.

671
00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:24,195
What?!

672
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:26,751
- l hurt my thing.
- Your what?

673
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,197
My ankle. l don't think
l can make it upstairs.

674
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:32,193
l'll bring down some ice.

675
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:33,070
No, no!

676
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:35,760
Why not?! Ow, my arm!

677
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:39,278
My arm. l hate it
when you get hysterical.

678
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:40,435
Don't leave me!

679
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:44,475
What is that?

680
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,798
l got it from the antique store next door.
Too butch?

681
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:50,832
Don't add.

682
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,396
Albert, you're blocking my way.

683
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,351
Put the moose on the patio.

684
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:00,118
Don't be such a baby. Be careful!

685
00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:02,800
- l can't move any faster.
- Lean on me.

686
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:03,955
l need a doctor.

687
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,755
Don't be silly.
lt isn't even swollen.

688
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:09,155
We should go to the emergency room.

689
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:13,671
You're overreacting. Don't be such a baby.
Just sit down on...

690
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:18,559
We've been robbed.

691
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,677
Albie, no. l've just taken
a few things out.

692
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:25,758
They'll be returned
by the time you're back.

693
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:28,235
Back?

694
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:31,075
Where am l going?

695
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:34,355
You didn't tell him.

696
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:36,950
What? Tell me what?

697
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:43,309
Val's fianc�e is coming tonight
with her parents.

698
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:44,715
We thought...

699
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,269
We thought it would be better
if you weren't here.

700
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:58,795
l see.

701
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:02,790
l see.

702
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:04,995
lt's just for tonight.

703
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:07,310
l understand.
Just while people are here.

704
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:09,752
lt's all right, my darling.

705
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,798
lt's nothing. lt's painful

706
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,311
but it's not important.

707
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:19,155
l'm leaving.

708
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:21,237
lt's just one night, Albert.

709
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:22,509
The monster,

710
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:26,754
the freak is leaving.

711
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:29,555
You're safe.

712
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:40,835
That went well.

713
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:46,315
Albert!

714
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:49,595
Albert!

715
00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:51,150
Will you listen?

716
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,636
Go away. l hate you!
l never want to see you again.

717
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,799
My heart is breaking.

718
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,589
Please don't cry. lt's okay.
You can stay.

719
00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:03,950
l won't stay where l'm not wanted.

720
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,311
Where l can be thrown out on a whim
without legal rights.

721
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:08,873
l have the palimony papers.

722
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,639
You're lying again.
This is too much for me.

723
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:14,115
Too much ugliness, too much pain.

724
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:17,551
Feel my pulse. Am l all right?

725
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:21,197
My goodness, it's very fast.
Let's get you out of the sun.

726
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:33,957
- Waiter! Water.
- Right away.

727
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:35,832
lt's the end. l know it is.

728
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,191
No, it isn't. Just breathe.

729
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:40,911
Thank you, Rodrigo. And the usual.

730
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:42,951
Right away, Senor Goldman.

731
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:44,315
There you go.

732
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,831
Thank you. That's better.

733
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:53,509
This is not about you.
The girl's parents are assholes.

734
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:54,868
Val is crazy about you.

735
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:56,559
ls he? Oh, that helps.

736
00:46:58,360 --> 00:46:59,759
Oh, you're so sweet.

737
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:02,599
That water is so cool.

738
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:09,037
Maybe it is a bit much to introduce me
as his mother on the first visit.

739
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,913
Could you say l was a visiting relative?

740
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:13,439
Val's uncle? Uncle Al?

741
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:15,869
What's the point?
To be Val's gay uncle?

742
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,752
l could play it straight.

743
00:47:18,240 --> 00:47:20,674
Oh, please. Look at you,
at how you hold your glass.

744
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,030
Look at your pinky, your posture.

745
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:28,156
What about you? You're obviously
not a cultural... whatever it is.

746
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:30,475
You've never been to a museum
and you eat like a pig.

747
00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:35,356
These conservatives don't care
if you're a pig, just if you're a fag.

748
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,796
Oh, fuck 'em.
Of course you can pass as an uncle.

749
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,874
You're a great performer,
l'm a great director.

750
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,112
Together we can do anything.

751
00:47:51,240 --> 00:47:52,559
Oh, Armand. Really?

752
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:55,114
Absolutely. We've got five hours.

753
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,598
First, get your pinky down.
lt's up again.

754
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:00,835
And your posture.

755
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:04,589
My God! Are you crazy?
What are you doing?

756
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:08,117
Stop screaming!
l'm teaching you to act like a man.

757
00:48:08,720 --> 00:48:10,199
All right, all right.

758
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:14,038
lt's a dinner party,
let's work with food.

759
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,395
Spread some mustard on the toast.

760
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:22,909
Don't use the spoon.
And don't dribble dots of mustard.

761
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:24,598
You take your knife

762
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:28,437
and you smear. Men smear.

763
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:29,755
Smear. Yeah.

764
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:39,154
Get the pinky down! Make your fingers
like iron. Stop trembling!

765
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:41,988
Hold the knife boldly, with strength.

766
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,111
Oh, God! l pierced the toast!

767
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:48,592
So what? Just remember
not to go to pieces when that happens.

768
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:50,952
React like a man, calmly.

769
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:55,911
You say to yourself,
''Albert, you pierced the toast. So what?''

770
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,431
lt's not the end of your life.

771
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,038
''Albert, you pierced the toast. So what?''

772
00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:06,109
Of course.
There's no need to get hysterical.

773
00:49:06,240 --> 00:49:09,118
All l have to remember is,
l can always get more toast.

774
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:11,629
That's the spirit. Let's try walking.

775
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:15,397
- Holding the sandwich?
- lt doesn't matter. Just walk.

776
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:18,355
Down!

777
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:42,035
Too swishy?

778
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:45,958
Let me give you an image.

779
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:49,277
lt's a clich�, but it's an image.
John Wayne.

780
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:52,393
Oh, God!
Couldn't we start with someone easier?

781
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:54,158
Come on. You're a big fan.

782
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:56,159
He has a very distinctive walk.

783
00:49:56,400 --> 00:50:00,439
Very easy to imitate. And if anyone
was a man... Now try it.

784
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:04,275
Now just get off your horse
and head into the saloon.

785
00:50:08,240 --> 00:50:09,195
Nice touch.

786
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:25,355
Howdy ma'am.

787
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:34,116
No good?

788
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:39,348
Actually, it's perfect. l never realised
John Wayne walked like that.

789
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:56,835
Hang on.

790
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:03,031
This guy's a fucking maniac.

791
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:06,354
What's in South Beach?

792
00:51:07,240 --> 00:51:10,596
Armand Goldman,
you old so-and-so.

793
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:12,548
How about those Dolphins?

794
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:15,949
Screaming queen?

795
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:21,599
The hand goes sideways, not palm down.
l'm shaking it, not kissing it.

796
00:51:21,720 --> 00:51:22,835
Tighten your wrist.

797
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,474
No, straighten it, then tighten it.

798
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:28,478
Al, you old so-and-so.

799
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:30,871
- l just said that.
- Now l'm saying it.

800
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:32,991
Okay. Straighten, tighten.

801
00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:43,951
Al, you old son of a bitch!
How do you feel about that call today?

802
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:49,229
The Dolphins, in the fourth on their
30-yard line with only 34 seconds to go.

803
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:52,397
How do you think l feel?
Betrayed. Bewildered.

804
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:54,715
Wrong response?

805
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:58,315
l'm not sure.
Take it from the top.

806
00:51:58,560 --> 00:51:59,834
This is very exciting.

807
00:51:59,960 --> 00:52:02,190
- lt is, fella.
- Right on, amigo!

808
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:04,113
- Damn straight.
- Damn straight!

809
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:07,831
- Fuckin' A!
- Fuckin' A, right!

810
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:11,988
Swing that by me again, little buddy.

811
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:13,792
- l'm terribly sorry.
- Take it easy.

812
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:17,032
You take it easy, pilgrim.

813
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:18,070
He bumped into me.

814
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:19,349
Tough gazongas.

815
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:21,759
Why are you being a prick?

816
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:23,871
Why are you being an asshole?

817
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:30,557
Are you calling me an asshole?

818
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:33,994
Actually, l'm talking
to the asshole behind you.

819
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:40,669
See, the swelling's already gone down.
lt's nothing.

820
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:44,589
You were magnificent, marvellous,
very masculine.

821
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:46,228
l'm so proud of you.

822
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:48,988
That big gorilla looked ridiculous
when he sat on you

823
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:52,112
and banged your head on the ground.
He didn't even know how to box!

824
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:55,155
Thank you, Vallie. You're a dear.

825
00:52:56,560 --> 00:52:59,233
l'll get you some more ice.
Be right back, love.

826
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:10,432
Dad, could we hire a straight maid
for tonight?

827
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,069
There are no straight maids
in South Beach.

828
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:16,437
And l have more bad news for you.

829
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:18,397
l told Albert he could stay.

830
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:21,998
You did what? Why?

831
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:25,232
Why? Because he told me
his heart was breaking

832
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,999
and he's my friend and companion.

833
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:29,959
Who will we say he is?

834
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:31,355
Your uncle.

835
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:32,915
My uncle?

836
00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:35,670
Let's just forget the whole thing.

837
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:39,469
Don't be so negative!
Have a little hope!

838
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,709
About what? Once they see you
and Albert together...

839
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:48,228
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
l was feeling so good, and now...

840
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:50,229
God, what a mess.

841
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:52,279
We need a woman.

842
00:53:53,240 --> 00:53:55,754
We can pass Albert off as an uncle
if we have a woman as a mother.

843
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,158
lronic, isn't it?
When you need a woman...

844
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:02,351
Why don't l ask your mother?

845
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:05,314
My mother wouldn't do it. Would she?

846
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:06,437
How do we know?

847
00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:09,028
Because she hasn't seen me in 20 years.

848
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:13,711
No. 20 years ago, she was
a young girl, scared, broke. Now...

849
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:16,311
You can't be serious!

850
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:21,268
lt's very unfair of you to try to talk
Val into this. He has every reason...

851
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:22,594
You think she'd do it?

852
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:25,715
My mother?

853
00:54:27,720 --> 00:54:30,678
Oh, my God. Armand?

854
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:34,429
l don't believe it.
lt's been 100 years. Where are you?

855
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:36,516
l'll be there in five minutes.

856
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:38,028
l can hardly wait.

857
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:40,108
Me, too. Bye-bye.

858
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:44,239
She's gonna see me.

859
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:47,710
Why don't l drop you off at a caf�?

860
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:52,399
No, l'll come up with you.
l'm sure there's a waiting room.

861
00:55:05,240 --> 00:55:08,357
Hello. Katharine Archer, please.
lt's Armand Goldman.

862
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:09,595
Go right in.

863
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:11,035
Thank you.

864
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:17,035
Just sit!

865
00:55:19,240 --> 00:55:19,990
Excuse us.

866
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:25,909
Army Goldman.

867
00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:28,999
Katie Archer. Or is it Mrs something?

868
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,075
No.

869
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:32,953
l'm between husbands. Sit down.

870
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:37,554
l've thought about you so many times.

871
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:42,148
Whenever l saw an ad for The Birdcage.
Are you still with Albert?

872
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:44,271
Yes, we're still together.

873
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:45,435
And you,

874
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:48,199
you've done well.

875
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:53,111
The money you gave me started this
place. You should've gotten stock for it.

876
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:55,790
l got Val for it.
lt was a fair trade.

877
00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:58,075
ls he...?

878
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:00,796
How is he?

879
00:56:01,240 --> 00:56:03,674
He's fine.
He wants to get married.

880
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:05,758
Married? How old is he?

881
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:07,519
- 20.
- 20?

882
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:11,559
My God, 20 years.

883
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:14,917
And today, for the first time,
he really needs you.

884
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:32,111
Shiny.

885
00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:39,272
lmelda,
cancel my appointments for tonight.

886
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:49,549
l normally drink vegetable juice
during business hours, but for this

887
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:53,639
let's drink to Senator Keeley's daughter
and our Val.

888
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:57,112
l haven't done much for him
in the last 20 years.

889
00:56:57,240 --> 00:56:58,878
Don't worry about that.

890
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:00,913
l'm not exactly maternal.

891
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:03,075
l am.

892
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:05,399
l'm very maternal.

893
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:07,950
And Albert's practically a breast.

894
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:18,434
Do you remember the show
where we met?

895
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:19,715
Very well.

896
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:21,668
Love is in the air

897
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:23,828
Different kinds

898
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:26,714
Quite clearly, people everywhere

899
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:28,675
Out of their minds

900
00:57:28,800 --> 00:57:29,755
Act queerly

901
00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:32,995
Wait, wait.

902
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:36,395
Wives are at their husbands' service

903
00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:38,875
Virgins are distinctly nervous

904
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:41,755
Virgins are distinctly nervous

905
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:46,355
Love is going around

906
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:50,439
Ah, for the gypsy.

907
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:52,113
How handsome you were.

908
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:55,630
How unavailable, and what a body.

909
00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:58,232
You're embarrassing me.

910
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:01,033
You were so terrified.
lt was so sweet.

911
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:05,752
l nearly died. l walk into my room
and there's a woman in my bed!

912
00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:08,269
l paid the doorman 20 dollars.

913
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:10,231
20 dollars in those days.

914
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:11,236
Oh, God.

915
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:13,271
l thought, ''What the hell?''

916
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:18,995
''l'll try it once and see what those
straight guys are raving about.''

917
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:20,795
How long did we last?

918
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:24,390
l know exactly.
From 2.30 till 3.45am. Two times.

919
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:33,068
Love is in the air

920
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:34,310
Round and about

921
00:58:34,440 --> 00:58:36,670
This morning, bachelors beware

922
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:39,675
- Maidens watch out
- Fair warning

923
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:43,839
lf you start to feel a tingle
and you like remaining single

924
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:45,393
Stay... Oh, that's your part.

925
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:47,636
Stay home, don't take a breath

926
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:49,671
You could catch your death

927
00:58:50,920 --> 00:58:54,151
'Cause love is around

928
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:02,075
Sorry.

929
00:59:04,520 --> 00:59:08,229
You're in incredible shape.
And you still can dance.

930
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:09,839
So can you, Armand.

931
00:59:10,880 --> 00:59:12,711
Thank you. That's so cool.

932
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:17,436
Where did all this hair come from?
Wasn't your chest smooth?

933
00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:20,279
l shaved it for the show.
l wanted to look young.

934
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:23,597
lt's much nicer this way,
much more masculine.

935
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:24,675
So much hair.

936
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:27,355
Let me touch it.

937
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:29,918
What a beautiful chain.

938
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:33,948
Look how it glitters in that thick,
black nest of hair.

939
00:59:34,360 --> 00:59:35,315
Unbutton your shirt.

940
00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:38,159
- Careful, it's silk.
- Let me touch that chest.

941
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:40,032
- You'll pull a thread.
- Your beautiful, hairy chest.

942
00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:41,756
Excuse me...

943
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:43,393
l'm sorry, l couldn't stop him.

944
00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:44,595
Albert?

945
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:21,870
ls Albert here?

946
01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:23,871
No.

947
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:27,550
Great. Then he's driving back
from Miami at 20 miles an hour

948
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:31,116
with the parking brake on.
l had to take the bus.

949
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:37,239
Are we crucifying someone tonight?

950
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:40,477
You like it? l traded
that stupid moose for it.

951
01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:44,036
And they threw in books.
lt all goes back tomorrow.

952
01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:46,152
Dad, is my mother coming?

953
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:47,719
Yes, she's coming.

954
01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:49,995
Yes. Thank you.

955
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:52,235
There. You see?

956
01:00:52,960 --> 01:00:54,188
lt all worked out.

957
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:57,994
l'm only here to get my toothbrush.
Agador,

958
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:00,714
will you? lt's in the usual place.

959
01:01:04,360 --> 01:01:06,828
l would have loved to see your children.

960
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:10,591
Why don't you hold the crucifix?
lt's the prop for martyrs.

961
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:16,909
Oh, yes. Another gibe,
another joke at my expense.

962
01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:21,154
You and Katharine were probably
laughing at me, too.

963
01:01:21,760 --> 01:01:25,912
Well, why not? l'm not young.
l'm not new

964
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:28,600
and everyone laughs at me.

965
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:31,633
l'm quite aware of how ridiculous l am.

966
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:35,636
The only solution is to go
where nobody is ridiculous,

967
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:37,671
where everyone is equal.

968
01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:40,395
Goodbye, Armand.

969
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,354
Wait, Miss Albert! Don't forget this.

970
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:46,510
Listen, l don't want you to go.

971
01:01:47,200 --> 01:01:49,668
My poor, devoted Agador.

972
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:51,991
l'm leaving you my stereo,

973
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:55,437
- my red boots
- l don't want them.

974
01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:57,551
- and my wigs.
- Which wigs?

975
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:01,716
My best wigs.
l won't need them where l'm going.

976
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:04,469
Okay, l'll bite.

977
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:07,235
Where are you going?

978
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:09,075
To Los Copa.

979
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:13,598
Los Copa? There isn't anything
in Los Copa but a cemetery.

980
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:17,594
l know. That's why l'm packing light.

981
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:18,750
A Dio.

982
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:19,756
l see.

983
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:24,590
You're going to the cemetery
with your toothbrush. How Egyptian.

984
01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:28,199
Goodbye, Armand.

985
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:30,874
Miss Albert, wait! Don't!

986
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:34,155
Shit!

987
01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:36,432
lt'll be better without an uncle.

988
01:02:36,600 --> 01:02:39,114
What did you do to him?
He goes to a cemetery!

989
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:40,468
- Pull yourself together!
- Why?

990
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:43,758
Because you have to start cooking dinner.

991
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:46,430
l'm going after fucking Albert.

992
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:52,949
Can you...

993
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:55,239
You can cook, right?

994
01:02:56,520 --> 01:02:58,590
Your father seems to think so.

995
01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:25,230
My cemetery is in Key Biscayne.

996
01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:29,074
lt's one of the prettiest in the world.

997
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:33,159
There are lovely trees, the sky is blue,
there are birds.

998
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:38,715
The one in Los Copa is really shit.

999
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:43,511
What a pain in the ass you are.

1000
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:48,956
lt's true. You're not young
and you're not new

1001
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:51,270
and you do make people laugh.

1002
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:54,278
l'm still with you
because you make me laugh.

1003
01:03:54,400 --> 01:03:57,597
So now l have to sell my plot
in Key Biscayne

1004
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:02,834
so l can be next to you in that shithole
Los Copa, so l never miss a laugh.

1005
01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:07,075
Here.

1006
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:09,715
What's this?

1007
01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:11,795
Read it.

1008
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:17,359
l don't understand.

1009
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:20,956
lt's the palimony agreement.
l told you l had it.

1010
01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:26,432
lt says l have the right to give you
half of everything l own.

1011
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:30,637
lt's safer, if something happens
to one of us.

1012
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:32,559
But who owns it now?

1013
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:35,155
You do.

1014
01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:43,193
Well, l... l don't want it.

1015
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:44,429
Then give me half.

1016
01:04:44,560 --> 01:04:48,269
Quick, give me a pen.
l don't want all of this, Armand.

1017
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:50,955
Sign it.

1018
01:05:07,520 --> 01:05:09,158
There, we're partners.

1019
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:13,158
You own half of my life
and l own half of yours.

1020
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:14,875
Half of the club?

1021
01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:17,550
What does it matter? Take it all.

1022
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:24,757
l'm 50 years old. There's one place
l call home and it's because you're there.

1023
01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:30,315
What difference does it make if l say
you can stay or you say l can stay?

1024
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:32,315
lt's ours.

1025
01:05:48,160 --> 01:05:52,199
Hello. She's gone, Mr Goldman.
But she always checks in.

1026
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:54,151
Sure, l'll take a message.

1027
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:55,955
Go ahead.

1028
01:05:57,160 --> 01:05:58,115
Don't come...

1029
01:05:59,600 --> 01:06:02,319
The Reverend Al Sharpton said today that

1030
01:06:02,440 --> 01:06:06,991
Jackson's last words, ''Your money's
on the dresser, Chocolate'' were racist.

1031
01:06:07,120 --> 01:06:10,396
The prostitute's given name
was Natumbundra.

1032
01:06:10,640 --> 01:06:13,234
That idiot Jackson!
Now the Blacks will start.

1033
01:06:13,360 --> 01:06:16,875
Barbara's wedding will disassociate
us from all this, really.

1034
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:21,630
The Colemans are a perfect family.
They've never been divorced, have they?

1035
01:06:21,760 --> 01:06:22,715
No.

1036
01:06:22,840 --> 01:06:25,274
See? We're on our way to salvation.

1037
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:29,997
And it was a question
of Albert or your mother.

1038
01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:31,988
So l had to choose.

1039
01:06:33,640 --> 01:06:34,959
And l chose Albert.

1040
01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:39,116
You understand that, don't you?

1041
01:06:39,240 --> 01:06:40,389
l knew you would.

1042
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:45,790
l can't get this damn tie even.

1043
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:48,870
Well, the jacket will cover it.

1044
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:52,469
l look like my grandfather in this suit.

1045
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:56,509
He always dressed like this.
He killed himself at 30.

1046
01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,113
Any last instructions?

1047
01:06:59,240 --> 01:07:02,198
No. Just don't walk unless you have to.

1048
01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:04,795
Try not to gesture.

1049
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:07,149
ls that all?

1050
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:08,315
Don't talk

1051
01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:10,235
too much.

1052
01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:14,073
Who cares? This won't work.

1053
01:07:14,200 --> 01:07:18,239
Come on! Don't be so negative.
l think we can pull this off.

1054
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:15,915
What?

1055
01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:19,355
No good?

1056
01:08:22,240 --> 01:08:24,834
Why? l'm dressed just the way you are.

1057
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:28,558
l took off all my rings.

1058
01:08:29,680 --> 01:08:31,591
l'm not wearing any makeup.

1059
01:08:33,120 --> 01:08:34,075
l'm just

1060
01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:37,755
a ''guy''.

1061
01:08:40,120 --> 01:08:41,269
What about those?

1062
01:08:47,160 --> 01:08:49,071
Those? Well, one does want
a hint of colour.

1063
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:59,158
You're thinking that dressed this way

1064
01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:02,194
l'm even more obvious, aren't you?

1065
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:10,835
You're right.

1066
01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:24,672
l just wanted so much to help you.

1067
01:09:28,560 --> 01:09:29,595
And you hate me.

1068
01:09:31,800 --> 01:09:32,949
You both hate me.

1069
01:09:34,960 --> 01:09:35,915
Oh, God...

1070
01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:40,868
We don't hate you.

1071
01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:45,832
..better treat me right

1072
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:49,911
She works hard for the money

1073
01:09:51,880 --> 01:09:53,359
So hard for it, honey

1074
01:09:55,880 --> 01:09:59,589
l work hard for the money
so you better treat me right

1075
01:10:00,960 --> 01:10:01,915
That's right

1076
01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:04,392
Better put your shoes on, it's late.

1077
01:10:04,680 --> 01:10:07,797
There's no point
in my putting shoes on, sir.

1078
01:10:08,240 --> 01:10:11,596
l never wear shoes
because they make me fall down.

1079
01:10:11,880 --> 01:10:13,438
Just put your shoes on!

1080
01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:17,953
And talk in your normal voice.
Give me a break.

1081
01:10:18,160 --> 01:10:19,115
Okay?

1082
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:21,475
Okay.

1083
01:10:31,320 --> 01:10:33,356
Armand, it's Katharine.

1084
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:34,953
l'm in the car and l got

1085
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:36,673
a message telling me not to come.

1086
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:37,755
And l wanted to check...

1087
01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:42,472
No, that was a mistake.
He said not to come late. l was there.

1088
01:10:43,200 --> 01:10:45,714
l thought my secretary got it wrong.

1089
01:10:46,520 --> 01:10:48,750
l should be there in half an hour.

1090
01:10:50,040 --> 01:10:50,995
ls this Val?

1091
01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:52,835
Yeah.

1092
01:10:54,040 --> 01:10:56,554
Val, l want you to know how

1093
01:10:58,440 --> 01:11:00,874
happy l am that l can do this for you.

1094
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:03,232
l know it's a little late.

1095
01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:04,515
No, it's fine.

1096
01:11:06,480 --> 01:11:07,629
Thanks for this.

1097
01:11:10,960 --> 01:11:13,315
So, um, see you in half an hour,

1098
01:11:15,280 --> 01:11:16,235
Mom.

1099
01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:17,795
What?

1100
01:11:20,200 --> 01:11:23,476
Did you just say,
''See you in half an hour, Mom''?

1101
01:11:24,360 --> 01:11:25,315
- Was that...?
- Yes.

1102
01:11:25,560 --> 01:11:28,597
- You can't call her back. She's in the car.
- Are you crazy?

1103
01:11:28,720 --> 01:11:30,233
Albert is hysterical now.

1104
01:11:30,360 --> 01:11:32,555
You know what he'll do
if Katharine comes?

1105
01:11:32,680 --> 01:11:33,795
He won't embarrass me.

1106
01:11:34,360 --> 01:11:37,511
lt was my mother.
l couldn't tell her not to come.

1107
01:11:37,640 --> 01:11:40,757
Pop, without her, l'm screwed.
You know that.

1108
01:11:47,120 --> 01:11:50,237
So this is hell.
And there's a crucifix in it.

1109
01:12:10,240 --> 01:12:13,357
This is less like Palm Beach
than l imagined.

1110
01:12:14,440 --> 01:12:16,431
lt was all sand when they bought here.

1111
01:12:16,560 --> 01:12:20,109
This grew up around them
while they were in Greece.

1112
01:12:25,800 --> 01:12:30,191
He's locked himself in. lf we're lucky
he won't come out at all.

1113
01:12:32,800 --> 01:12:37,032
l'm not religious and l'm Jewish.
But if things go well, l'd appreciate it.

1114
01:12:38,720 --> 01:12:42,918
Speaking of Jewish. Barbara told
her parents our last name is Coleman.

1115
01:12:44,400 --> 01:12:45,355
Thanks.

1116
01:12:47,080 --> 01:12:48,035
Coming.

1117
01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:51,035
Perfect.

1118
01:12:54,400 --> 01:12:55,435
lt's the shoes.

1119
01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:05,309
Good evening. l am Spartacus,
the Goldmans' butler.

1120
01:13:05,920 --> 01:13:07,672
Please, come... come in.

1121
01:13:10,840 --> 01:13:11,989
ls that Goldman?

1122
01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:15,473
Coldman, Coldman. Spartacus is, uh

1123
01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:17,278
- Guatemalan.
- new.

1124
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:20,114
Val, this is my father and my mother.

1125
01:13:20,880 --> 01:13:22,279
This is Val Coleman.

1126
01:13:24,040 --> 01:13:25,439
Coleman or Coldman?

1127
01:13:25,720 --> 01:13:26,675
Coleman.

1128
01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:28,188
The ''d'' is silent.

1129
01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:30,195
My father.

1130
01:13:30,760 --> 01:13:31,875
How do you do?

1131
01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:34,195
My daughter, Barbara.

1132
01:13:34,640 --> 01:13:35,595
Delighted.

1133
01:13:37,560 --> 01:13:38,515
My husband.

1134
01:13:39,920 --> 01:13:41,069
Extremely honoured.

1135
01:13:41,200 --> 01:13:43,475
You have a very forceful handshake.

1136
01:13:43,720 --> 01:13:44,994
You have to in Greece.

1137
01:13:49,120 --> 01:13:51,998
My mother won't be here
for another 1 5 minutes.

1138
01:13:52,120 --> 01:13:54,475
She's with my grandparents
in Palm Beach.

1139
01:13:55,080 --> 01:13:57,275
Oh, isn't that nice?

1140
01:13:57,520 --> 01:13:59,636
Having contact between the generations.

1141
01:14:00,120 --> 01:14:01,678
Yes. Won't you come in?

1142
01:14:05,240 --> 01:14:08,437
How's the leg?
My father has an old football injury.

1143
01:14:08,560 --> 01:14:10,357
A fellow sufferer.
Where did you play?

1144
01:14:10,480 --> 01:14:11,799
- Greece.
- Miami U.

1145
01:14:13,160 --> 01:14:14,388
What an interesting room.

1146
01:14:14,600 --> 01:14:16,955
Don't you think this room is nice?

1147
01:14:17,280 --> 01:14:19,953
Well, yes. A very, very

1148
01:14:20,720 --> 01:14:24,599
pleasant vacation house.
l like it's, uh, severity.

1149
01:14:24,920 --> 01:14:29,994
Dad uses this place more for work and...
reflection than anything else.

1150
01:14:30,240 --> 01:14:32,549
So it's not so much
a vacation house as a...

1151
01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:33,715
Monastery.

1152
01:14:34,840 --> 01:14:36,671
Well, it's just charming.

1153
01:14:37,800 --> 01:14:40,234
And look at these lovely old books.

1154
01:14:41,880 --> 01:14:42,835
Look at this.

1155
01:14:43,360 --> 01:14:46,716
Nancy Drew and the Case
of the Burning Candle.

1156
01:14:47,280 --> 01:14:49,111
You have the whole series.

1157
01:14:49,760 --> 01:14:50,590
Uh, they're my mother's.

1158
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:51,715
Sit down!

1159
01:14:53,560 --> 01:14:54,515
Please.

1160
01:15:10,160 --> 01:15:12,355
Shall we have champagne to celebrate?

1161
01:15:12,880 --> 01:15:13,835
Oh, how nice.

1162
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:16,113
- Agador!
- Spartacus!

1163
01:15:16,240 --> 01:15:20,631
Agador Spartacus! He insists
on being called by his full name.

1164
01:15:27,440 --> 01:15:29,237
We'd like the champagne now.

1165
01:15:43,080 --> 01:15:44,911
Over there? Okay, thanks.

1166
01:15:46,480 --> 01:15:47,435
God bless you.

1167
01:15:48,760 --> 01:15:50,273
They went in around the corner.

1168
01:15:50,400 --> 01:15:53,119
That's the side entrance to this building.

1169
01:15:53,240 --> 01:15:54,559
Let's check it out.

1170
01:15:55,120 --> 01:15:58,237
You have such a responsibility,
two houses.

1171
01:15:59,120 --> 01:16:00,712
When did you buy this one?

1172
01:16:00,840 --> 01:16:04,469
About 1 5 years ago.
The area was mostly Jewish then.

1173
01:16:04,800 --> 01:16:07,712
Really? Barbara told us
it was mostly sand.

1174
01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:13,639
Yes. Well, you know the old saying.
''Where there's sand...''

1175
01:16:14,480 --> 01:16:16,994
Here we go. Champagne for everyone.

1176
01:16:18,680 --> 01:16:20,159
And a Scotch, if you have it.

1177
01:16:23,280 --> 01:16:24,599
ls someone else home?

1178
01:16:25,960 --> 01:16:29,236
Just our dog, Piranha. We always
lock her in when there's company.

1179
01:16:32,800 --> 01:16:35,553
l'll finish pouring.
Go take care of dinner.

1180
01:16:44,840 --> 01:16:48,833
He's a brilliant chef. He just
has a lot to learn about serving.

1181
01:16:50,560 --> 01:16:52,198
Where could the wife be?

1182
01:17:14,200 --> 01:17:17,033
lt was so weird.

1183
01:17:18,240 --> 01:17:19,229
No, it really was.

1184
01:17:19,360 --> 01:17:21,635
l was, like, ''will you marry me?''

1185
01:17:21,760 --> 01:17:25,116
She was like,
''Didn't you say no way before 30?''

1186
01:17:25,280 --> 01:17:26,793
lt was so funny.

1187
01:17:27,120 --> 01:17:30,112
Yes, it does sound... funny.

1188
01:17:34,240 --> 01:17:36,151
How was your trip, Senator?

1189
01:17:37,600 --> 01:17:39,158
A nice trip. Very nice.

1190
01:17:40,600 --> 01:17:44,149
We decided to drive down
to see the seasons change.

1191
01:17:46,440 --> 01:17:49,716
lt was a long trip, though.
Virginia, Kentucky,

1192
01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:51,148
Tennessee,

1193
01:17:51,920 --> 01:17:52,875
Georgia.

1194
01:17:54,120 --> 01:17:58,398
lt was just so magical to come
from the north, where it's cold,

1195
01:17:59,200 --> 01:18:01,634
to the south, where it's warm

1196
01:18:02,240 --> 01:18:06,119
and see the tremendous differences
from region to region

1197
01:18:06,240 --> 01:18:08,913
in this incredible country of ours.

1198
01:18:11,160 --> 01:18:13,230
My wife and l used to go to Virginia

1199
01:18:13,360 --> 01:18:16,113
every autumn to see the foliage turn.

1200
01:18:17,400 --> 01:18:19,118
Virginia has amazing foliage,

1201
01:18:19,240 --> 01:18:23,950
although l do think that the foliage
in Ohio is underrated.

1202
01:18:26,280 --> 01:18:28,510
lt's just dazzling along l-75.

1203
01:18:33,760 --> 01:18:36,399
Just dazzling.

1204
01:18:36,520 --> 01:18:40,149
We would go down to Virginia,
to get away for a while.

1205
01:18:40,720 --> 01:18:43,917
To see the wonderful farms,
the countryside.

1206
01:18:44,840 --> 01:18:46,353
l'm stuck in traffic.

1207
01:18:46,480 --> 01:18:47,993
Start dinner without me.

1208
01:18:48,960 --> 01:18:50,791
The hills, the mountains.

1209
01:18:53,160 --> 01:18:55,993
Talk about ''purple mountains majesty.''

1210
01:18:57,000 --> 01:18:58,149
Just fantastic.

1211
01:19:00,480 --> 01:19:02,914
Red leaves, purple mountains,

1212
01:19:05,080 --> 01:19:06,229
green fields.

1213
01:19:09,000 --> 01:19:10,752
And the roads. Black,

1214
01:19:12,840 --> 01:19:14,910
cutting through the green.

1215
01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:16,995
All the colours.

1216
01:19:18,400 --> 01:19:19,355
The trees.

1217
01:19:23,440 --> 01:19:25,351
Pennsylvania's nice, too.

1218
01:19:27,040 --> 01:19:27,995
Was that my wife?

1219
01:19:29,080 --> 01:19:30,399
Just now on the phone?

1220
01:19:30,600 --> 01:19:33,194
l think it was.
l was just so caught up.

1221
01:19:33,600 --> 01:19:34,828
Val, was that Mom?

1222
01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:37,909
Yeah. She's stuck.

1223
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:40,038
We're to start dinner without her.

1224
01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:43,755
l would have picked up, but l was
so interested in the Senator's

1225
01:19:44,680 --> 01:19:45,556
story.

1226
01:19:45,800 --> 01:19:47,438
Oh, it wasn't that good.

1227
01:19:47,920 --> 01:19:49,148
lt was wonderful.

1228
01:19:50,200 --> 01:19:54,512
Will you excuse me? l should tell
Agador Spartacus this news.

1229
01:20:09,360 --> 01:20:10,315
Would you excuse us?

1230
01:20:14,080 --> 01:20:16,469
l've never had so much
go so wrong so quickly.

1231
01:20:16,600 --> 01:20:17,953
This is like a curse.

1232
01:20:19,960 --> 01:20:22,076
Dad, what do we do?
Do we wait for her or do we...

1233
01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:23,189
You're soaking!

1234
01:20:23,320 --> 01:20:24,878
l'm sweating like some farm animal.

1235
01:20:25,000 --> 01:20:28,197
- l can't do this.
- We can do this! Work with me.

1236
01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:31,350
Something very odd is going on.

1237
01:20:31,840 --> 01:20:33,910
lt's this thing with Jackson.

1238
01:20:34,240 --> 01:20:37,710
The wife doesn't want to see us
and the father's a wreck.

1239
01:20:37,840 --> 01:20:39,398
l'm sure that's not it.

1240
01:20:39,640 --> 01:20:44,316
No, it's something else. Something about
the father and the butler.

1241
01:20:44,440 --> 01:20:46,795
- lt's nothing!
- lt is something.

1242
01:20:47,400 --> 01:20:48,913
lt's not! You always think the worst.

1243
01:20:49,040 --> 01:20:52,669
- l do not!
- You always do! Val's mother is just late.

1244
01:20:53,080 --> 01:20:54,035
She's just a little late!

1245
01:20:54,600 --> 01:20:56,750
- Watch yourself, young lady!
- Here they come.

1246
01:20:57,800 --> 01:20:58,755
Excuse me.

1247
01:21:03,080 --> 01:21:05,913
Let's give her half an hour
and then if she isn't...

1248
01:21:07,000 --> 01:21:07,750
Here l am!

1249
01:21:07,960 --> 01:21:08,915
Oh, please

1250
01:21:09,960 --> 01:21:14,238
forgive me for being so late,
but traffic was unbelievable!

1251
01:21:14,440 --> 01:21:17,159
Senator Keeley, Mrs Keeley,

1252
01:21:17,440 --> 01:21:19,795
l'm so happy to meet you at last.

1253
01:21:21,840 --> 01:21:23,239
You must be Barbara.

1254
01:21:24,160 --> 01:21:25,559
What a pretty child.

1255
01:21:26,160 --> 01:21:27,309
Come give me a hug.

1256
01:21:28,280 --> 01:21:30,032
Don't be afraid.

1257
01:21:30,400 --> 01:21:32,789
Oh, how adorable. She's shy.

1258
01:21:33,280 --> 01:21:35,111
How nice to meet you, Mrs Coleman.

1259
01:21:35,560 --> 01:21:36,515
Goldman.

1260
01:21:36,720 --> 01:21:37,948
lsn't the ''d'' silent?

1261
01:21:38,120 --> 01:21:41,829
lt is pronounced Coleman, isn't it?
We've had some confusion.

1262
01:21:42,240 --> 01:21:44,231
Oh, yes. Coleman.

1263
01:21:44,560 --> 01:21:46,551
The ''d'' is silent in America.

1264
01:21:48,800 --> 01:21:52,588
lt's Cole d'lsle au Man,
or Cole of the lsle of Man in France

1265
01:21:52,720 --> 01:21:54,392
where Armand's chateau is,

1266
01:21:55,120 --> 01:21:58,032
Cole d'man in Greece
where Armand's work is,

1267
01:21:58,360 --> 01:22:02,319
and finally, the vulgar Coleman
in Florida, where Armand's home is.

1268
01:22:02,440 --> 01:22:07,275
So, we never know where we are until
we hear our last name pronounced.

1269
01:22:09,360 --> 01:22:12,636
- Oh, that explains it.
- At last.

1270
01:22:14,040 --> 01:22:16,110
l think l would like to hug you,
Mrs Coleman.

1271
01:22:16,240 --> 01:22:20,233
Oh, my dear child. Welcome.

1272
01:22:20,440 --> 01:22:21,395
Look at this.

1273
01:22:23,080 --> 01:22:26,516
This is our footage for the show
on Jackson. Pump up the sound.

1274
01:22:26,640 --> 01:22:30,269
We're here at what
they're calling Camp Keeley...

1275
01:22:30,400 --> 01:22:33,597
Where you driving him?

1276
01:22:33,720 --> 01:22:36,234
South Beach, Florida.

1277
01:22:36,720 --> 01:22:37,914
Where'd we get this?

1278
01:22:38,120 --> 01:22:41,078
Keeley's house last night.
The fat guy

1279
01:22:41,720 --> 01:22:45,076
is with the National lnquirer.
Harry Radman.

1280
01:22:45,960 --> 01:22:50,590
Oh, yeah. My God, he's put on so much
weight since the Simpson case.

1281
01:22:52,160 --> 01:22:53,479
This should go to the network.

1282
01:22:53,640 --> 01:22:59,431
lt's so wonderful what you've done here.
Everything is so simple and uncluttered.

1283
01:22:59,800 --> 01:23:02,314
Our house is a sea of papers. You men.

1284
01:23:03,520 --> 01:23:06,478
You're the biggest babies.
They can run the world

1285
01:23:06,680 --> 01:23:08,511
but can't pick out a tie.

1286
01:23:08,880 --> 01:23:12,156
l know. l can't get this big lug
to buy a new suit.

1287
01:23:12,280 --> 01:23:14,635
Armand, they're picking on us.

1288
01:23:15,000 --> 01:23:17,070
Oh, well,

1289
01:23:17,320 --> 01:23:20,596
bless them.
That's the way nature made them.

1290
01:23:20,920 --> 01:23:22,876
Maybe l'm just an old-fashioned girl

1291
01:23:23,000 --> 01:23:27,152
but l pity the woman who's too busy
to take care of her man.

1292
01:23:27,640 --> 01:23:30,996
Hear, hear! lt's so nice
to meet people like you.

1293
01:23:31,280 --> 01:23:34,636
Our kind of people.

1294
01:23:34,840 --> 01:23:38,389
C-o-l-e-m-a-n.
There's no first name on the bell.

1295
01:23:39,720 --> 01:23:41,517
Sure? They can't find them.

1296
01:23:41,640 --> 01:23:45,758
What about the name in front of the
club - Goldman? That's close.

1297
01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:48,519
You're right.
Wouldn't that be something?

1298
01:23:48,640 --> 01:23:50,358
Try Goldman. What was it?

1299
01:23:50,480 --> 01:23:51,629
Armand Goldman.

1300
01:23:52,680 --> 01:23:55,956
lt's so odd to me,
this fuss over school prayer.

1301
01:23:56,760 --> 01:23:59,593
As if anyone,
Jews, Muslims, whatever,

1302
01:23:59,720 --> 01:24:02,029
would mind if their children
prayed in the classroom.

1303
01:24:02,160 --> 01:24:03,115
lt's insane.

1304
01:24:05,200 --> 01:24:08,033
Thank you, Agador Spartacus!
You may go.

1305
01:24:10,760 --> 01:24:13,194
He's very nice, but such a problem.

1306
01:24:14,160 --> 01:24:16,594
We never know what makes him laugh.

1307
01:24:17,240 --> 01:24:18,992
At least he speaks English.

1308
01:24:19,120 --> 01:24:23,352
We have been through more chauffeurs
in the last six months...

1309
01:24:23,680 --> 01:24:27,468
And the maids we've run through
in the last six years!

1310
01:24:27,840 --> 01:24:28,829
Rodney, Bruno, Chuck...

1311
01:24:28,960 --> 01:24:30,757
Look! You all need more ice.

1312
01:24:30,880 --> 01:24:32,871
l have a good feeling about you people.

1313
01:24:33,000 --> 01:24:37,232
Not a lot of clever books on the shelves,
no fancy art on the walls...

1314
01:24:37,360 --> 01:24:41,273
Just the crucifix and a lot of good,
warm, family feeling.

1315
01:24:41,400 --> 01:24:44,233
This is what Clinton missed
when he started in on school prayer

1316
01:24:44,360 --> 01:24:46,078
and gays in the military.

1317
01:24:46,200 --> 01:24:47,155
More ice for you.

1318
01:24:47,280 --> 01:24:50,397
There's an idiotic issue,
gays in the military!

1319
01:24:50,520 --> 01:24:53,717
l mean, those haircuts,
those uniforms, who cares?!

1320
01:24:54,000 --> 01:24:56,719
Mom, don't talk about things
you don't know about.

1321
01:24:57,000 --> 01:24:59,912
Don't patronise your mother.
She's amazingly intelligent.

1322
01:25:00,040 --> 01:25:00,916
l think homosexuality...

1323
01:25:01,040 --> 01:25:02,792
A lot more ice for you!

1324
01:25:02,920 --> 01:25:03,636
More for me, Dad.

1325
01:25:03,800 --> 01:25:05,677
..is one of the things
weakening this country.

1326
01:25:05,800 --> 01:25:06,994
Really?

1327
01:25:07,720 --> 01:25:10,792
That's what l thought until l found out
Alexander the Great was a fag.

1328
01:25:10,920 --> 01:25:12,558
Talk about gays in the military!

1329
01:25:12,760 --> 01:25:14,591
How about those Dolphins?

1330
01:25:18,840 --> 01:25:19,795
l'll get it.

1331
01:25:25,000 --> 01:25:27,309
l think we're skirting an issue here

1332
01:25:27,440 --> 01:25:30,034
that has Mr Coleman very nervous.

1333
01:25:33,040 --> 01:25:35,793
You must have heard about
how Senator Jackson died.

1334
01:25:37,560 --> 01:25:38,515
Oh, that.

1335
01:25:39,960 --> 01:25:42,428
Yes, what an ugly story.

1336
01:25:43,480 --> 01:25:45,596
Of course, we don't believe a word of it.

1337
01:25:46,200 --> 01:25:47,189
What do you mean?

1338
01:25:47,320 --> 01:25:48,753
He was obviously framed.

1339
01:25:49,120 --> 01:25:51,475
l, for one, would like an autopsy.

1340
01:25:51,600 --> 01:25:52,669
Mom...

1341
01:25:53,080 --> 01:25:55,833
That's just what Rush Limbaugh said.

1342
01:25:58,600 --> 01:25:59,430
Excuse me.

1343
01:26:04,080 --> 01:26:08,198
The tension... it's like riding a psychotic
horse toward a burning stable.

1344
01:26:08,320 --> 01:26:10,550
Dinner is going to be late, okay?

1345
01:26:11,200 --> 01:26:14,033
'Cause you give me so little time to shop.

1346
01:26:14,560 --> 01:26:19,236
Barbara's nice. l owe it to Val, growing up
the way he did. lt can't have been easy.

1347
01:26:19,360 --> 01:26:23,035
l'm sorry to laugh at Miss Albert,
but what is that hairdo?

1348
01:26:23,160 --> 01:26:26,357
Fuck it! lt's one night.
l can live through it.

1349
01:26:28,120 --> 01:26:31,556
Of course, it's wrong
to kill an abortion doctor.

1350
01:26:31,840 --> 01:26:36,072
Many pro-lifers, l don't agree with them,
but they feel that if you...

1351
01:26:36,200 --> 01:26:37,155
l'm here, son.

1352
01:26:37,480 --> 01:26:39,710
..stop the doctors,
you stop the abortions.

1353
01:26:39,880 --> 01:26:43,714
That's ridiculous.
The doctors are only doing their jobs.

1354
01:26:43,840 --> 01:26:46,513
Better to kill the mothers.
That will stop them.

1355
01:26:47,160 --> 01:26:49,071
May l see you a moment, dear?

1356
01:26:49,200 --> 01:26:53,193
l know, l know, if you kill the mother,
the foetus dies, too.

1357
01:26:53,320 --> 01:26:57,279
But the foetus is going to be aborted,
so let it go down with the ship.

1358
01:26:57,400 --> 01:26:59,152
l really must see you now.

1359
01:27:00,800 --> 01:27:01,755
Excuse me.

1360
01:27:09,160 --> 01:27:10,309
l assure you,

1361
01:27:11,280 --> 01:27:14,352
Mother is just following a train
of thought to its logical

1362
01:27:14,600 --> 01:27:16,431
yet absurd conclusion.

1363
01:27:16,560 --> 01:27:17,879
As Jonathan Swift did

1364
01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:21,879
when he suggested lrish peasants
feed their babies to the rich.

1365
01:27:22,240 --> 01:27:25,516
l don't know about Jonathan Swift,
but l know one thing about your mother.

1366
01:27:25,640 --> 01:27:30,031
She's a passionate woman
who follows her heart. And l love her.

1367
01:27:31,640 --> 01:27:33,551
So Goldman owns the club,

1368
01:27:34,000 --> 01:27:37,436
lives above it,
owns the building and he's gay.

1369
01:27:38,800 --> 01:27:40,631
We are in lnquirer heaven.

1370
01:27:44,200 --> 01:27:46,270
l could have danced all night

1371
01:27:47,040 --> 01:27:49,110
l could have danced all night

1372
01:27:50,400 --> 01:27:53,836
And still have begged for more

1373
01:27:55,240 --> 01:27:56,389
You have a beautiful voice.

1374
01:27:56,520 --> 01:27:58,511
l could have spread my wings

1375
01:27:59,400 --> 01:28:01,311
And done a thousand things

1376
01:28:02,600 --> 01:28:05,876
l've never done before

1377
01:28:07,640 --> 01:28:10,473
Your mother should know
l want a career and marriage.

1378
01:28:10,600 --> 01:28:13,160
Barbara, Albert isn't my mother.
He's a drag queen.

1379
01:28:13,280 --> 01:28:15,635
That's right, l keep forgetting.

1380
01:28:17,400 --> 01:28:19,914
He just sounds so much like a mother.

1381
01:28:20,560 --> 01:28:22,949
l only know

1382
01:28:24,120 --> 01:28:27,510
When he began to dance with me

1383
01:28:28,600 --> 01:28:31,194
l could have danced, danced, danced

1384
01:28:32,920 --> 01:28:35,070
All night

1385
01:28:40,640 --> 01:28:41,595
Bravo!

1386
01:28:45,720 --> 01:28:48,518
What a lovely voice you have,
Agador Spartacus.

1387
01:28:49,320 --> 01:28:52,437
Thank you. Thank you, all.
Dinner is served.

1388
01:28:53,920 --> 01:28:58,835
Wonderful. This way, Senator.
You know, l played Eliza in high school.

1389
01:28:58,960 --> 01:29:00,712
l'll bet you were lovely.

1390
01:29:03,640 --> 01:29:06,313
Go inside. l'll tape a note
to Katharine to the door.

1391
01:29:07,320 --> 01:29:10,869
Mrs Keeley over there,
and the Senator on my right.

1392
01:29:11,200 --> 01:29:14,476
Val, over here.
And Barbara, dear, please sit.

1393
01:29:14,720 --> 01:29:16,551
You are the most gracious hostess.

1394
01:29:16,680 --> 01:29:18,159
Oh, thank you so much.

1395
01:29:18,360 --> 01:29:20,715
l'm having such a wonderful time.

1396
01:29:21,600 --> 01:29:23,909
This is what l've always dreamed of,

1397
01:29:24,040 --> 01:29:27,828
a big, loving family
gathered around the table,

1398
01:29:28,000 --> 01:29:29,797
the way it was when l was a girl.

1399
01:29:29,920 --> 01:29:31,717
That's the way we grew up, too.

1400
01:29:31,840 --> 01:29:36,311
lt was a wonderful world then, wasn't it?
Happy families and

1401
01:29:36,720 --> 01:29:40,349
everyone speaking English
and no drugs and no AlDS.

1402
01:29:40,480 --> 01:29:41,674
Easy on the wine, Mom.

1403
01:29:41,800 --> 01:29:43,392
What interesting china!

1404
01:29:43,720 --> 01:29:46,678
lt looks like young men playing leapfrog.

1405
01:29:47,200 --> 01:29:48,155
ls it Greek?

1406
01:29:50,000 --> 01:29:52,036
l... l...

1407
01:29:54,000 --> 01:29:55,149
l have no idea.

1408
01:29:55,560 --> 01:29:57,710
l've never seen these bowls before.

1409
01:29:58,080 --> 01:30:01,038
Really? Barbara,
get me my glasses, dear.

1410
01:30:01,280 --> 01:30:02,998
They're in my purse by the chair.

1411
01:30:03,360 --> 01:30:06,158
Where are my glasses? lt is Greek.

1412
01:30:06,640 --> 01:30:10,599
Greek boys, actually.
Uh, naked Greek boys.

1413
01:30:10,840 --> 01:30:13,832
- And girls! Doesn't your bowl have girls?
- l have one!

1414
01:30:13,960 --> 01:30:16,918
Mine, too! Oh, look,

1415
01:30:17,320 --> 01:30:19,470
there. l think that's a girl.

1416
01:30:19,880 --> 01:30:23,111
Then you haven't seen one in a long time.
That's a boy.

1417
01:30:23,240 --> 01:30:25,834
l may need glasses, but l can see that.

1418
01:30:26,920 --> 01:30:30,356
l couldn't find your glasses.
Maybe they're in the car.

1419
01:30:30,480 --> 01:30:31,708
l have mine. Here.

1420
01:30:34,320 --> 01:30:36,709
Hurry, you idiot!
They're looking at the bowls.

1421
01:30:36,840 --> 01:30:39,115
How could you put out bowls
without looking at them?!

1422
01:30:39,240 --> 01:30:41,310
Stop ladling! Give me the pot!

1423
01:30:42,080 --> 01:30:43,798
- You can't serve out of that!
- Move!

1424
01:30:43,920 --> 01:30:45,558
Wait! There's shrimps.

1425
01:30:46,440 --> 01:30:48,431
Let's see what these Greeks are doing...

1426
01:30:48,760 --> 01:30:49,715
Here we go.

1427
01:30:51,360 --> 01:30:56,354
Agador's superb soup. We're in luck,
he doesn't make this for everyone.

1428
01:30:56,480 --> 01:30:59,438
This is his speciality,
seafood chowder.

1429
01:30:59,840 --> 01:31:00,511
lsn't that an egg?

1430
01:31:00,640 --> 01:31:01,993
- What?
- An egg.

1431
01:31:02,640 --> 01:31:04,631
Why, yes, it is. lt is a huevo.

1432
01:31:05,640 --> 01:31:07,119
This is so Guatemala.

1433
01:31:08,040 --> 01:31:10,838
They put eggs in everything down there

1434
01:31:10,960 --> 01:31:13,997
because chicken is so important to them.

1435
01:31:14,440 --> 01:31:16,590
lt's their only real currency.

1436
01:31:17,400 --> 01:31:20,198
A woman is said to be
worth her weight in hens.

1437
01:31:20,320 --> 01:31:23,756
A man's wealth is measured
by the size of his cock.

1438
01:31:23,920 --> 01:31:25,239
Will you excuse me?

1439
01:31:29,080 --> 01:31:30,399
What the hell is this?

1440
01:31:30,520 --> 01:31:34,229
Sweet and sour peasant soup.
Why'd you say it was seafood chowder?

1441
01:31:34,360 --> 01:31:37,796
- What the hell is that?
- l don't know. l made it up!

1442
01:31:37,960 --> 01:31:38,995
God, this is a nightmare.

1443
01:31:51,560 --> 01:31:53,551
Where are you staying in Florida?

1444
01:31:54,720 --> 01:31:57,393
With the Jeb Bushes, on Fisher lsland.

1445
01:31:57,720 --> 01:32:00,154
Fisher lsland. Such a lovely spot.

1446
01:32:01,360 --> 01:32:04,909
My parents lived on Fisher lsland
until they died.

1447
01:32:06,480 --> 01:32:09,836
l thought you were visiting your parents
in Palm Beach.

1448
01:32:09,960 --> 01:32:10,915
What?

1449
01:32:11,840 --> 01:32:15,116
Oh, yes, uh... now

1450
01:32:16,120 --> 01:32:17,553
that they're dead.

1451
01:32:18,040 --> 01:32:18,995
They moved

1452
01:32:20,280 --> 01:32:22,350
were moved... because

1453
01:32:25,200 --> 01:32:26,155
well,

1454
01:32:26,800 --> 01:32:30,475
my mother always said,
''Live on Fisher lsland,

1455
01:32:30,600 --> 01:32:32,511
''get buried in Palm Beach,

1456
01:32:32,640 --> 01:32:35,837
''that way you'll have the best of Florida.''

1457
01:32:37,560 --> 01:32:40,438
Dad, get in there.
Everything is going to hell.

1458
01:32:40,560 --> 01:32:42,312
He didn't make an entr�e.

1459
01:32:42,880 --> 01:32:45,633
What? You... you mean
we just have soup?

1460
01:32:46,160 --> 01:32:51,029
Peasant soup is an entr�e. lt's like stew!
Why do you think l put so much in it?!

1461
01:32:51,160 --> 01:32:52,115
Shut up!

1462
01:32:52,600 --> 01:32:55,353
Put Katharine's note
on the downstairs door.

1463
01:32:55,480 --> 01:32:58,119
l have to go back before
they get to the bottom of the bowls.

1464
01:32:58,240 --> 01:33:01,357
l had so much to do.
You give me no time to shop!

1465
01:33:01,720 --> 01:33:02,675
Shut up!

1466
01:33:03,000 --> 01:33:04,911
lt's okay! We're all right!

1467
01:33:05,520 --> 01:33:08,557
Shut up, goddamn you!
Stop crying! Goddamn you!

1468
01:33:08,680 --> 01:33:12,275
Don't just stand there!!
She'll be here any minute! Go!!

1469
01:33:12,400 --> 01:33:14,391
Goddamn it! Fuck the shrimp!

1470
01:33:18,880 --> 01:33:19,835
Oh, my God.

1471
01:33:21,280 --> 01:33:24,238
That's it. That's it.
That's the Lincoln.

1472
01:33:24,520 --> 01:33:26,158
Park here. The street's jammed.

1473
01:33:26,320 --> 01:33:27,912
This is an intersection.

1474
01:33:28,040 --> 01:33:29,439
So? We're the press.

1475
01:33:40,640 --> 01:33:45,270
Katharine, do not go upstairs.
l'll call you tomorrow. Armand.

1476
01:33:45,640 --> 01:33:47,392
This is going to be great.

1477
01:33:48,480 --> 01:33:52,837
From that day on, they looked
for a cemetery they really loved

1478
01:33:52,960 --> 01:33:54,279
instead of eating tofu.

1479
01:33:54,520 --> 01:33:57,034
Daddy favoured Key Biscayne, but...

1480
01:33:57,240 --> 01:33:59,310
Time for dessert.
You get everything done?

1481
01:33:59,440 --> 01:34:00,350
Yes.

1482
01:34:00,520 --> 01:34:03,557
Shall we have our coffee
in the living room?

1483
01:34:07,080 --> 01:34:09,833
No, it's his town car.
l am looking at it.

1484
01:34:12,600 --> 01:34:16,195
We're in the middle of a bunch
of drag clubs. l don't know.

1485
01:34:16,320 --> 01:34:17,878
We got authorisation.

1486
01:34:18,280 --> 01:34:19,235
So, three?

1487
01:34:22,160 --> 01:34:23,195
So, where are they?

1488
01:34:23,320 --> 01:34:25,276
They went around the corner there.

1489
01:34:32,440 --> 01:34:35,989
So what do you think of these kids
getting married?

1490
01:34:36,480 --> 01:34:40,314
Well, she's only 18
and he's only 20, so l...

1491
01:34:42,080 --> 01:34:46,039
Good God. That sounds like
it's coming from downstairs.

1492
01:34:46,400 --> 01:34:48,789
lt must be coming from that nightclub
on the corner.

1493
01:34:49,080 --> 01:34:50,798
This must be the same building.

1494
01:34:51,000 --> 01:34:55,835
You're joking! l always thought
that was someone's television set.

1495
01:34:56,120 --> 01:34:58,918
Now, Mother, you know we live
above a nightclub.

1496
01:34:59,320 --> 01:35:02,073
She's travelled around the world,
but deep down

1497
01:35:02,440 --> 01:35:05,512
she's still a girl from Grover's Corners.

1498
01:35:05,640 --> 01:35:07,471
l'm afraid l am a bit naive.

1499
01:35:08,800 --> 01:35:10,756
Don't be ashamed of Grover's Corners.

1500
01:35:11,440 --> 01:35:14,876
lt's not a chateau,
but it's a darn good place to call home.

1501
01:35:15,080 --> 01:35:17,310
Thank you. l will remember that.

1502
01:35:19,200 --> 01:35:23,079
Of course, Armand is much more
sophisticated than l am.

1503
01:35:23,800 --> 01:35:27,679
But then, he comes from such good stock.

1504
01:35:28,720 --> 01:35:31,678
Just like those two adorable youngsters.

1505
01:35:32,040 --> 01:35:33,189
Don't you agree?

1506
01:35:34,120 --> 01:35:36,429
- Where's the bathroom?
- l'll show you.

1507
01:35:36,560 --> 01:35:40,269
- No, l want Mother Coleman to show me.
- My dear child!

1508
01:35:40,480 --> 01:35:41,799
One kiss, darling.

1509
01:35:42,120 --> 01:35:44,236
- l'm only going to the bathroom.
- We'll all go.

1510
01:35:44,440 --> 01:35:46,271
l think you're all crazy.

1511
01:35:47,320 --> 01:35:48,275
My men!

1512
01:35:48,400 --> 01:35:51,358
this wonderful? All of us together.

1513
01:35:51,640 --> 01:35:54,234
This is so moving,
l think l'm going to cry!

1514
01:35:55,680 --> 01:35:58,194
Something very strange is going on.

1515
01:35:58,600 --> 01:35:59,555
l know.

1516
01:36:00,760 --> 01:36:02,159
l mean, that dinner.

1517
01:36:03,520 --> 01:36:06,193
l know there was something
on those bowls.

1518
01:36:06,320 --> 01:36:09,551
And the son disappearing
while we were eating.

1519
01:36:09,680 --> 01:36:11,591
l know just what's going on.

1520
01:36:12,160 --> 01:36:13,593
lt's the oldest story in the world.

1521
01:36:14,040 --> 01:36:14,995
What is it?

1522
01:36:18,040 --> 01:36:19,871
She's a small town girl

1523
01:36:21,520 --> 01:36:25,149
and he's a pretentious European,
the worst kind.

1524
01:36:25,520 --> 01:36:27,511
Him and his Cole d'whatever.

1525
01:36:27,760 --> 01:36:31,116
And his decadent china.
l've seen it all before.

1526
01:36:31,360 --> 01:36:33,590
Aristotle Onassis was like this.

1527
01:36:33,720 --> 01:36:36,917
And all of the French.
Especially Mitterand.

1528
01:36:37,280 --> 01:36:39,794
And the English.
Not Margaret Thatcher, of course.

1529
01:36:40,200 --> 01:36:43,715
But l bet John Major has something
on the side. And she can't handle it.

1530
01:36:43,840 --> 01:36:45,319
- Who?
- Mrs Coleman.

1531
01:36:46,000 --> 01:36:47,956
Why should she care about John Major?

1532
01:36:48,480 --> 01:36:50,914
No. Mrs Coleman can't handle him.

1533
01:36:51,480 --> 01:36:55,109
Coleman and his nasty
little European traditions.

1534
01:36:55,960 --> 01:36:59,316
And his snobbery. And that dig
about Grover's Corners.

1535
01:36:59,600 --> 01:37:01,113
Kevin, you're rambling.

1536
01:37:01,560 --> 01:37:05,348
Well, it makes me furious,
the contempt he has for her.

1537
01:37:05,520 --> 01:37:08,990
Did you see him when she talked?
He looked almost frightened.

1538
01:37:09,600 --> 01:37:13,593
He won't let her run the house.
He's in the kitchen. He serves.

1539
01:37:13,920 --> 01:37:16,514
He tells that beige savage what to do.

1540
01:37:21,840 --> 01:37:22,636
What?

1541
01:37:22,840 --> 01:37:26,958
l'm so sorry.
l've ruined everything!

1542
01:37:27,440 --> 01:37:31,069
Don't be silly. No-one noticed the wig.
Where's the spirit gum?

1543
01:37:31,200 --> 01:37:32,519
They took everything away.

1544
01:37:32,640 --> 01:37:36,519
l have a barrette. lf you don't move
your head, it might work.

1545
01:37:36,640 --> 01:37:39,154
Thank you. You're a very sweet girl.

1546
01:37:39,840 --> 01:37:41,068
l'm so sorry, Val.

1547
01:37:42,520 --> 01:37:46,559
You didn't have this kind of sympathy
for poor Bessie Jackson!

1548
01:37:46,760 --> 01:37:48,876
Bessie Jackson is an insensitive cow.

1549
01:37:49,160 --> 01:37:52,914
This woman is a lady.
You know, she'll be your in-law, too.

1550
01:37:53,040 --> 01:37:57,670
lf he's so terrible, maybe your daughter
shouldn't marry his son!

1551
01:37:57,800 --> 01:38:01,873
He's not terrible in that way.
He won't get mixed up in some scandal.

1552
01:38:02,160 --> 01:38:05,311
- l've never really seen you before.
- What do you mean?

1553
01:38:05,440 --> 01:38:10,719
l don't even know who you are!
All you think about is your career.

1554
01:38:11,480 --> 01:38:13,630
And poor, little Mrs Coleman.

1555
01:38:13,840 --> 01:38:16,798
Oh, please. You're just as worried
about my career as l am.

1556
01:38:16,920 --> 01:38:20,276
You're the one who pushed for the
marriage. Barbara can handle that boy.

1557
01:38:20,400 --> 01:38:25,758
She's a modern woman, tough as nails.
Mrs Coleman is just very vulnerable.

1558
01:38:27,000 --> 01:38:30,151
lt just breaks my heart. They don't
make woman like that any more.

1559
01:38:33,080 --> 01:38:34,798
Hello! l'm home!

1560
01:38:35,800 --> 01:38:36,835
l forgot my key.

1561
01:38:37,240 --> 01:38:38,036
Who is it?

1562
01:38:38,320 --> 01:38:40,072
Val's mother, Mrs Goldman.

1563
01:38:40,600 --> 01:38:41,749
ls Armand there?

1564
01:38:44,280 --> 01:38:45,235
Vals' mother?

1565
01:38:45,480 --> 01:38:46,435
Mrs Goldman?

1566
01:38:48,520 --> 01:38:52,274
So this is the whole story.
The bastard has a live-in mistress.

1567
01:38:52,400 --> 01:38:53,071
l'll get the door.

1568
01:38:53,200 --> 01:38:55,111
No, you're in the wrong house!

1569
01:38:57,040 --> 01:39:01,636
Good evening. May l take your purse,
as usual? Or

1570
01:39:02,080 --> 01:39:03,559
for the first time.

1571
01:39:03,800 --> 01:39:04,949
Thank you.

1572
01:39:05,120 --> 01:39:07,475
You must be Senator and Mrs Keeley.

1573
01:39:07,600 --> 01:39:12,355
Katharine Goldman. Delighted
to meet you. l'm sorry l'm so late...

1574
01:39:12,480 --> 01:39:16,553
to take so long, but Barbara...
What is she doing here?

1575
01:39:16,680 --> 01:39:17,715
Let me explain.

1576
01:39:17,920 --> 01:39:19,956
Please do. Explain to all of us.

1577
01:39:20,160 --> 01:39:21,718
l don't want to embarrass this lovely lady

1578
01:39:21,840 --> 01:39:25,071
but how many mothers does Val have?

1579
01:39:25,480 --> 01:39:26,435
What?

1580
01:39:26,880 --> 01:39:28,472
This woman introduced herself

1581
01:39:28,600 --> 01:39:32,149
as Val's mother.
How many mothers does he have?

1582
01:39:36,640 --> 01:39:37,595
Just one.

1583
01:39:42,160 --> 01:39:43,309
This is my mother.

1584
01:39:44,440 --> 01:39:48,479
My father owns the club downstairs.
My mother is the star.

1585
01:39:49,520 --> 01:39:50,475
What?

1586
01:39:51,400 --> 01:39:55,188
We lied to you, Barbara and l.
And everyone lied for us.

1587
01:39:55,960 --> 01:39:57,439
These are my parents.

1588
01:39:59,080 --> 01:40:00,115
This is my wife.

1589
01:40:01,720 --> 01:40:03,631
This is the lady who had Val.

1590
01:40:04,480 --> 01:40:05,799
Nice to meet you, Katharine.

1591
01:40:07,080 --> 01:40:08,115
Very nice, Val.

1592
01:40:08,800 --> 01:40:10,358
You've done a good job.

1593
01:40:10,960 --> 01:40:13,394
Thank you. We're very proud of him.

1594
01:40:13,920 --> 01:40:15,069
l don't understand.

1595
01:40:15,200 --> 01:40:19,637
Barbara, the nightclub downstairs,
he owns it?

1596
01:40:21,880 --> 01:40:23,393
He's not a cultural attach�?

1597
01:40:25,280 --> 01:40:29,239
No. And he isn't married to a housewife.

1598
01:40:29,720 --> 01:40:32,473
And their name is Goldman, not Coleman.

1599
01:40:33,240 --> 01:40:34,195
They're Jewish.

1600
01:40:34,600 --> 01:40:35,999
l don't understand.

1601
01:40:37,680 --> 01:40:39,671
He's a man. They're both men.

1602
01:40:40,600 --> 01:40:42,272
No. You can't be Jewish.

1603
01:40:42,400 --> 01:40:44,152
No, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.

1604
01:40:44,640 --> 01:40:46,995
Kevin, this is a man.

1605
01:40:48,720 --> 01:40:49,675
What?

1606
01:40:50,000 --> 01:40:51,911
Don't you see? They're gay.

1607
01:40:52,800 --> 01:40:55,951
They own the drag club downstairs.
They're two men.

1608
01:40:59,800 --> 01:41:00,835
Senator Keeley,

1609
01:41:01,160 --> 01:41:05,995
this may not help, but l want you to know
l meant every word l said

1610
01:41:06,440 --> 01:41:10,672
about a return to family values
and a stricter moral code.

1611
01:41:11,440 --> 01:41:12,634
l feel like l'm insane.

1612
01:41:12,760 --> 01:41:14,876
lt's really very simple.
Armand and l...

1613
01:41:15,000 --> 01:41:17,150
She called you Mother Coleman.

1614
01:41:17,520 --> 01:41:20,512
Kevin, nothing has changed.
lt's still me.

1615
01:41:20,640 --> 01:41:22,471
With one... tiny difference.

1616
01:41:24,760 --> 01:41:25,795
Well, not tiny.

1617
01:41:31,520 --> 01:41:32,589
l don't understand.

1618
01:41:33,120 --> 01:41:36,749
l'll explain in the car.
Come on, Barbara. Let's go.

1619
01:41:36,880 --> 01:41:37,915
l'm not coming.

1620
01:41:39,640 --> 01:41:42,154
Barbara, please don't do this to me.

1621
01:41:43,120 --> 01:41:46,237
l may not be as vulnerable
as Mrs Coleman

1622
01:41:47,720 --> 01:41:49,711
but l still have feelings.

1623
01:41:50,400 --> 01:41:52,391
Somebody has to like me best.

1624
01:41:55,960 --> 01:41:59,509
Take it easy, Louise.
Barbara, we're leaving now.

1625
01:42:01,360 --> 01:42:04,193
- You're coming with us.
- Daddy, please.

1626
01:42:05,160 --> 01:42:08,550
l've made your mother cry.
l'm up for re-election.

1627
01:42:08,680 --> 01:42:09,795
We're involved in a scandal.

1628
01:42:09,920 --> 01:42:13,276
l'm in the home of a gay couple
who own a drag club.

1629
01:42:13,800 --> 01:42:17,509
You want to get married, but
how many lives must you ruin to do it?

1630
01:42:23,720 --> 01:42:24,550
l...

1631
01:42:26,200 --> 01:42:29,397
l would have liked
to have had you as my family.

1632
01:42:36,640 --> 01:42:39,473
l just want to say, Mr and Mrs, uh, Mr

1633
01:42:40,880 --> 01:42:45,510
whatever your name is,
l hope this doesn't influence your vote.

1634
01:42:47,480 --> 01:42:48,356
Senator Keeley!

1635
01:42:51,160 --> 01:42:52,115
Oh, no.

1636
01:42:53,200 --> 01:42:56,431
- Did you get him?
- l would have if you hadn't said his name.

1637
01:42:56,560 --> 01:42:58,312
l wanted to make him turn.

1638
01:43:07,360 --> 01:43:08,509
Those vultures.

1639
01:43:11,320 --> 01:43:16,269
Another television van just arrived.
And a car. lt says Florida Eagle.

1640
01:43:16,400 --> 01:43:18,311
Oh, that's just print news.

1641
01:43:18,600 --> 01:43:20,955
l can see the headline:
''Senator Jackson

1642
01:43:21,080 --> 01:43:23,640
and His Women;
Senator Keeley and His Men.''

1643
01:43:23,760 --> 01:43:25,034
lt's perfectly innocent.

1644
01:43:25,160 --> 01:43:29,472
You came to meet the parents of the boy
that Barbara wants to marry.

1645
01:43:30,160 --> 01:43:34,199
Louise, people in this country
don't care about details.

1646
01:43:34,560 --> 01:43:35,879
All they trust are headlines.

1647
01:43:36,000 --> 01:43:37,752
Well, if l can put in my two cents,

1648
01:43:37,880 --> 01:43:40,553
what do they have? lt's their word
against yours that you're even here.

1649
01:43:41,160 --> 01:43:44,118
Yes, but at some point, l'll have to leave.

1650
01:43:44,760 --> 01:43:46,557
People will notice if l'm never seen again.

1651
01:43:46,680 --> 01:43:50,355
Another television crew.
And they're going into the club!

1652
01:43:50,480 --> 01:43:54,109
Wouldn't you know it?
The one night l don't perform...

1653
01:43:54,400 --> 01:43:56,231
Can l get anyone some soup?

1654
01:43:56,520 --> 01:43:57,555
No!

1655
01:43:59,040 --> 01:44:00,268
Daddy, l'm sorry.

1656
01:44:00,960 --> 01:44:01,915
l know.

1657
01:44:02,040 --> 01:44:03,359
Senator?

1658
01:44:04,720 --> 01:44:06,199
Another shot for you?

1659
01:44:06,400 --> 01:44:07,435
l don't really drink.

1660
01:44:07,560 --> 01:44:08,515
Yeah, but

1661
01:44:08,800 --> 01:44:10,631
now is the time to pretend.

1662
01:44:13,280 --> 01:44:14,508
Give me some candy, Louise.

1663
01:44:15,560 --> 01:44:18,358
Couldn't the Keeleys slip out
at the end of the show?

1664
01:44:18,600 --> 01:44:21,398
No, they're waiting for that.
They'd be recognised.

1665
01:44:24,360 --> 01:44:25,588
Not necessarily.

1666
01:44:52,920 --> 01:44:54,558
A big hand for our girls.

1667
01:44:55,320 --> 01:44:59,950
As we come to the end of our show,
you are family, too, so sing along.

1668
01:45:00,360 --> 01:45:02,237
We are family

1669
01:45:04,160 --> 01:45:06,071
l got all my sisters with me

1670
01:45:08,000 --> 01:45:09,797
We are family

1671
01:45:11,840 --> 01:45:13,831
Get up, everybody, and sing

1672
01:46:06,880 --> 01:46:08,313
Will they keep waiting?

1673
01:46:08,440 --> 01:46:12,353
They have to. There's no story
if they don't get him coming out.

1674
01:46:12,600 --> 01:46:14,431
Get up, everybody, and sing

1675
01:46:31,960 --> 01:46:33,552
We are family

1676
01:46:35,440 --> 01:46:37,351
l got all my sisters with me

1677
01:46:39,320 --> 01:46:41,231
We are family

1678
01:46:43,160 --> 01:46:45,151
Get up, everybody, and sing

1679
01:46:47,040 --> 01:46:48,917
We are family

1680
01:47:02,880 --> 01:47:05,713
Work it. Sell it. Own it. Go, girlfriend.

1681
01:47:09,880 --> 01:47:10,835
Come on.

1682
01:47:18,040 --> 01:47:19,598
We are family

1683
01:47:25,360 --> 01:47:27,191
We are family

1684
01:47:36,960 --> 01:47:39,474
l've never danced with a man before.

1685
01:47:40,080 --> 01:47:42,071
There's always a first time.

1686
01:47:43,800 --> 01:47:44,755
Perdoname.

1687
01:47:47,080 --> 01:47:51,995
No-one will dance with me. lt's this dress.
l knew white would make me look fat.

1688
01:47:52,120 --> 01:47:54,759
What about me? l'm as pretty
as these other guys.

1689
01:47:54,880 --> 01:47:55,835
Dance?

1690
01:47:56,560 --> 01:47:57,515
Not you. Barbara.

1691
01:47:57,640 --> 01:48:01,349
Don't go. l don't want to be
the only girl not dancing.

1692
01:48:01,600 --> 01:48:04,956
Just head for the door.
We'll be out of here soon.

1693
01:48:05,920 --> 01:48:08,229
Care to dance... baby?

1694
01:49:01,800 --> 01:49:05,509
Meet me in 20 minutes
at the corner of El Dorado and Palm.

1695
01:49:05,640 --> 01:49:07,870
Lady, not for a million dollars.

1696
01:50:10,680 --> 01:50:13,513
Bob Dole is gorgeous!

1697
01:50:21,520 --> 01:50:23,158
Which one is the mother?

1698
01:50:26,320 --> 01:50:27,548
l just don't know.

1699
01:50:29,040 --> 01:50:29,995
Mazel tov.

1700
01:50:31,040 --> 01:50:33,395
As a sign of your union,
you may kiss the bride.

1701
01:50:42,720 --> 01:50:43,675
l'm sorry.