1 00:00:15,207 --> 00:00:18,517 (Thunder rumbles) 2 00:00:31,847 --> 00:00:34,839 (Stones clatter) 3 00:00:40,047 --> 00:00:43,198 (Distant bird cry) 4 00:00:53,167 --> 00:00:55,203 (Man) 'My name is Charlie Wood... 5 00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:01,356 'I think I made a big mistake.' 6 00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:10,765 (? EELS: "Theme From Blinking Lights") 7 00:01:45,407 --> 00:01:48,046 (Girl) Higher... 8 00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:51,876 (Charlie) I can't, sweetheart. Any higher, you're gonna hit the moon. 9 00:01:52,007 --> 00:01:53,838 And get a bump? 10 00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,040 (Laughs) That's right, smart girl, and get a bump! 11 00:02:13,327 --> 00:02:17,161 Oh, hey! Emily, look who it is. 12 00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:19,755 - Hi, Isabella. - Hi, Emilita. 13 00:02:19,887 --> 00:02:22,606 - There we go... Hi, how are you? - Hey, great. 14 00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:26,515 Ok, I've got her lunch, an extra Thermos of apple juice, 15 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:30,037 her Elmo doll, Mr Frizzles, 12 grapes in a bag... 16 00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:32,806 I got it, Mr Wood. 17 00:02:32,927 --> 00:02:35,566 - Thanks. I'll see you at 5:00. - OK. 18 00:02:35,687 --> 00:02:39,043 All right, sweetheart. Come here. High five... 19 00:03:01,087 --> 00:03:02,884 (Door shuts) 20 00:03:03,007 --> 00:03:06,044 First the Wyoming Widow, now the Oregon Undertaker. 21 00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:08,761 They just pulled a dead girl out of the reservoir. 22 00:03:08,887 --> 00:03:10,684 God! Suicide? 23 00:03:10,807 --> 00:03:15,722 If she chopped off her own arms and legs before strangling herself, maybe. 24 00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:19,522 - Pen, I'm eating. - They figure it's the Oregon Undertaker. 25 00:03:19,647 --> 00:03:21,797 That's the fourth girl in six months. 26 00:03:21,927 --> 00:03:24,202 Each one mutilated and disembowelled... 27 00:03:24,327 --> 00:03:27,683 - Pen! Pen! - Oh, sorry baby. 28 00:03:28,847 --> 00:03:33,079 Listen, Charlie. You don't have to do this, you know. 29 00:03:33,207 --> 00:03:35,767 Course I do. We can't go on living on one income. 30 00:03:35,887 --> 00:03:38,640 How many times have you given Emily SpaghettiOs? 31 00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:40,758 She likes SpaghettiOs. 32 00:03:41,807 --> 00:03:44,765 Hey, baby. Trust me. Once they buy your book... 33 00:03:44,887 --> 00:03:48,721 Not a single publisher has called, Pen. Not a single one. 34 00:03:48,847 --> 00:03:53,159 (Stephen Hawking) 'The term "black hole" is of very recent origin. 35 00:03:53,287 --> 00:03:57,439 'lt was coined in 1969 by the American scientist John... ' 36 00:03:57,567 --> 00:04:00,320 (Engine stops) 37 00:04:06,087 --> 00:04:09,318 (Window shatters and car alarm blares) 38 00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:14,124 (Alarm stops) 39 00:04:14,247 --> 00:04:17,922 (Woman) We handle nearly 200,000 calls a day - 40 00:04:18,047 --> 00:04:22,120 the hotlines to some of the biggest corporations in the country. 41 00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:26,684 - Sentel Online. Melanie speaking... ...Melanie speaking. How can I help? 42 00:04:26,807 --> 00:04:29,162 Again, my name is Melanie. Have a great day. 43 00:04:29,287 --> 00:04:32,324 Do you only hire women named Melanie? 44 00:04:32,447 --> 00:04:37,077 It's a trick of the trade. Callers like to think they get the same service rep. 45 00:04:37,207 --> 00:04:40,324 This here is the Melanie and John section, 46 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,564 and you are over here with the Jennifers and Stephens. 47 00:04:43,687 --> 00:04:45,917 This is you. 48 00:04:48,087 --> 00:04:51,557 What do you mean this is me? I was told I had a supervisor position. 49 00:04:51,687 --> 00:04:56,477 (Laughs) You gotta spend six months in the trenches 50 00:04:56,607 --> 00:04:59,838 before you can interview for a supervisor. 51 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,276 But I have a PhD. 52 00:05:02,407 --> 00:05:05,956 - Surely... - Look. You want the job or not? 53 00:05:07,727 --> 00:05:10,002 - Yeah. - Great! 54 00:05:10,127 --> 00:05:12,163 Gus here will help get you started. 55 00:05:12,287 --> 00:05:15,040 - OK, Stephen. - It's Charlie. 56 00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:17,158 (Laughs) Sure it is! 57 00:05:17,287 --> 00:05:20,597 In the File menu do you see where it says Open? 58 00:05:20,727 --> 00:05:24,481 Okey-dokey. Can you open the Open menu? 59 00:05:26,807 --> 00:05:32,916 Okey-dokey. Again, my name is Stephen. Thank you for calling Sentel. 60 00:05:33,047 --> 00:05:35,515 (Charlie) 'I actually liked Gus at first sight.' 61 00:05:35,647 --> 00:05:39,003 - Welcome to hell, dickhead! - (Charlie) 'Maybe not at first.' 62 00:05:39,127 --> 00:05:41,197 - I'm sorry? - Hell! 63 00:05:41,327 --> 00:05:43,761 People hooked up to machines like slaves. 64 00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:47,277 And the smell... It's pure underarm. 65 00:05:48,647 --> 00:05:51,878 - OK, so what do we do here? - (Phone beeps) 66 00:05:54,927 --> 00:05:57,919 Sentel Online, Stephen speaking. How may I help you? 67 00:05:58,927 --> 00:06:01,919 Okey-dokey, ma'am. Have you checked to see if your PC is on? 68 00:06:04,607 --> 00:06:07,360 No, I'm not a retard. That's simply the protocol... 69 00:06:07,487 --> 00:06:09,205 Sorry. 70 00:06:10,207 --> 00:06:13,677 Okey-dokey. I'm gonna check that with my supervisor real quick 71 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,445 and I'm gonna put you on hold. 72 00:06:16,247 --> 00:06:19,239 You feel feisty, you whiney little turkey-necked bitch? 73 00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:23,679 Why don't you hop up on my dick and see if that fires your monitor? 74 00:06:25,447 --> 00:06:27,244 Hello, ma'am. Thanks for waiting. 75 00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:30,677 I'm gonna transfer you over to our technical service department. 76 00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:33,605 Okey-dokey? Please hold... 77 00:06:36,727 --> 00:06:39,560 In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed dwarf is king! 78 00:06:41,607 --> 00:06:44,405 That's my wife, Stephanie. Ex-wife! Keep forgetting! 79 00:06:44,527 --> 00:06:48,202 And that there is my little daughter, Thais. 80 00:06:48,327 --> 00:06:51,956 - That's a pretty name. - Yeah, it's Greek. It means 'Beloved'. 81 00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:54,760 Thais has this problem with her eye pressure 82 00:06:54,887 --> 00:06:58,243 and the doctor said if she doesn't get a cornea transplant in a year 83 00:06:58,367 --> 00:07:00,961 then she's gonna go blind. 84 00:07:06,327 --> 00:07:08,318 Every year, 65,000 diabetics 85 00:07:08,447 --> 00:07:11,200 develop Proliferative Retinopathy, 86 00:07:11,327 --> 00:07:13,557 one of the leading precursors to blindness. 87 00:07:16,327 --> 00:07:18,318 She's not diabetic. 88 00:07:20,287 --> 00:07:23,677 Ahem! So, are you gonna be able to afford the surgery before she... 89 00:07:25,047 --> 00:07:29,404 Yeah, I hope so. If everything, you know, goes as expected. 90 00:07:29,527 --> 00:07:31,518 - What do you mean? - Huh? 91 00:07:34,527 --> 00:07:36,643 (Whispers) I have a plan. 92 00:07:37,607 --> 00:07:40,405 - (Klaxon blares) - Oh, hells bells! 93 00:07:43,607 --> 00:07:47,919 (Woman over phone) 'You see, Stephen, I'm 65 years old now 94 00:07:48,047 --> 00:07:51,835 'and my husband is asking me to do it donkey-style... ' 95 00:07:51,967 --> 00:07:58,202 OK, ma'am. I'm going to transfer you to our technical department. Please hold... 96 00:07:59,127 --> 00:08:01,243 - Good god... - Are you expecting a call? 97 00:08:01,367 --> 00:08:03,358 (Phone beeps) 98 00:08:04,447 --> 00:08:08,235 Sentel Online, this is Charlie, er... Stephen. How can I help you? 99 00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:11,643 (Man over phone) 'Yeah, my IP Address is stuck on 169.' 100 00:08:11,767 --> 00:08:16,841 OK, Sir. Have you checked to make sure your computer is on? 101 00:08:16,967 --> 00:08:19,686 - (Man) 'Didn't you hear what I said? ' - Yes. 102 00:08:19,807 --> 00:08:23,356 Oh, IP Address. IP Address... 103 00:08:23,487 --> 00:08:27,878 Here we go. Your IP Address should start with 81. 104 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,475 So... does it? 105 00:08:30,607 --> 00:08:35,317 (Man) 'I told you it was stuck on 169! Do the cleaners answer the phones? 106 00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:37,642 - Sir... - (Man) 'No, don't sir me, asshole! 107 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,645 'Just help me out with my fucking problem! ' 108 00:08:40,767 --> 00:08:44,203 Please hold on while I check with our technical department. 109 00:08:44,327 --> 00:08:49,276 Yes, sir. Your wife is one of 3.8 percent of American women 110 00:08:49,407 --> 00:08:54,765 who engage in online chats with a stranger, accompanied by masturbation. 111 00:08:57,847 --> 00:08:59,997 (Man) 'My wife died three months ago. 112 00:09:00,127 --> 00:09:03,915 'But I'd like to discuss that with your supervisor, Stephen.' 113 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:22,725 Hey! Charlie, wait. Wait! 114 00:09:22,847 --> 00:09:25,998 - It's my fault. - Don't worry about it. I'll be all right. 115 00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:29,085 - Look, you know I said I had a plan? - Yep. 116 00:09:29,207 --> 00:09:32,358 Well, why don't you come in on it with me? 117 00:09:32,487 --> 00:09:35,365 You know, be like a partner or something? 118 00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:37,478 I sure as hell feel like I owe you one. 119 00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:40,558 - It's not illegal, is it? - What? No... 120 00:09:40,687 --> 00:09:43,201 - Dickinson! - Yeah. Right. 121 00:09:43,327 --> 00:09:47,036 Look, meet me at the Monkey Wrench, nine o'clock. OK? Yeah. 122 00:09:50,247 --> 00:09:52,920 (? HOWE GELB: "But I Did Not") 123 00:09:53,647 --> 00:09:57,879 ? Would I be awakened where the wrong side renders? 124 00:09:58,007 --> 00:10:00,282 ? But I did not 125 00:10:00,407 --> 00:10:03,604 ? Would I be a dangling toward demise? 126 00:10:03,727 --> 00:10:06,161 ? But I did not 127 00:10:06,287 --> 00:10:09,836 ? Forgetting about the innocent splendours? 128 00:10:09,967 --> 00:10:12,401 ? But I did not 129 00:10:12,527 --> 00:10:15,360 ? And rage blinding my eyes? 130 00:10:15,487 --> 00:10:17,842 ? But I did not 131 00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:21,243 ? Could have slouched into deception... ? 132 00:10:22,607 --> 00:10:24,996 Choo-choo Charlie! 133 00:10:25,127 --> 00:10:29,439 Hey, Max. Two bottles of your finest mass-produced lager, if you please. 134 00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:31,876 - So? - Come here. 135 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:40,084 So, I stumbled across the database at work. 136 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,404 The online history of each and every member of Sentel Online. 137 00:10:43,527 --> 00:10:46,564 Look, this is their record of everyone in the state 138 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:51,283 that went online in the last three months and logged on to an illegal porn site. 139 00:10:51,407 --> 00:10:54,080 Now I figure there's gotta be somebody in here 140 00:10:54,207 --> 00:10:57,404 willing to fork over some coin to keep things hush-hush. 141 00:11:02,447 --> 00:11:04,836 - They all look the same - And yet they're not. 142 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:11,999 - R-E-V Neville Smalls. What's R-E-V? - Reverend. 143 00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:15,676 Exactly! It's brilliant, don't you think? 144 00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:23,676 - I don't think I'm criminal material... - Wait, wait! 145 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,957 We're talking about a man of the cloth 146 00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:30,521 who likes to watch teenagers take off their clothes 147 00:11:30,647 --> 00:11:33,445 and have god-knows-who do god-knows-what to them! 148 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,159 Who's the real criminal here? 149 00:11:36,767 --> 00:11:40,840 I tried to do things by the book, the nine to five. You know where it got me? 150 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:44,164 My daughter is about to go blind, Charlie. Blind! 151 00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:51,156 - How much? - 50 for me, 50 for you. Even hundred. 152 00:11:51,287 --> 00:11:53,676 A hundred? 153 00:11:54,407 --> 00:11:56,762 (Yells) Thousand? 154 00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:01,516 - (Whispers) Dollars? - Not much to preserve one's reputation. 155 00:12:01,647 --> 00:12:05,242 - What if somebody gets hurt? - It's a non-violent enterprise. 156 00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:10,122 No harm done whatsoever. Pretty much all I need is for you to be my alibi. 157 00:12:10,247 --> 00:12:13,045 - That's all? - That's all. 158 00:12:14,087 --> 00:12:15,361 OK... 159 00:12:23,687 --> 00:12:26,201 Pick the blue one and you go back to your old life. 160 00:12:26,327 --> 00:12:29,922 But pick the red one and you finally get to be a free man. 161 00:12:34,367 --> 00:12:39,919 But, I must warn you, once you eat the red one... there's no turning back. 162 00:12:47,487 --> 00:12:50,957 Yes! I gotta tell you, I was a little nervous about going solo. 163 00:12:52,487 --> 00:12:55,126 OK. Rule number one - preparation is king. 164 00:12:55,247 --> 00:12:58,557 More than anything else, we wanna rule out the element of... 165 00:12:58,687 --> 00:13:00,643 - (Yells) Surprise! - Jeez! 166 00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:02,758 Josie, how long were you sitting there? 167 00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:06,436 Long enough to ask how you'd feel about bringing in a third. 168 00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:08,683 Oh... 169 00:13:08,807 --> 00:13:12,117 (Charlie) 'Here's the touching story of how Gus met Josie.' 170 00:13:17,007 --> 00:13:18,804 Er... miss. 171 00:13:21,487 --> 00:13:24,001 - Yes, sir? - I'm gonna get the cheque. 172 00:13:24,127 --> 00:13:27,085 - Why? - Does the chef have curly hair? 173 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:30,643 - No. - I'm gonna get the cheque. 174 00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:36,560 - You work at the call centre, huh? - Yeah, how can you tell? 175 00:13:36,687 --> 00:13:38,837 - Well, half the town does. - Right. 176 00:13:38,967 --> 00:13:42,403 - You have that look the rest of them do. - What look is that? 177 00:13:42,527 --> 00:13:47,555 That how much longer till I drop dead so I don't have to go to my stupid job! 178 00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:50,918 - That look. - Yeah, that would be the one. 179 00:13:52,087 --> 00:13:54,317 - You from here? - Nope. Oklahoma. 180 00:13:54,447 --> 00:13:59,680 - Oh, Oklahoma. What's that like? - Nowhere near as sexy as you. 181 00:14:01,087 --> 00:14:04,045 - Ahem! - I'll get that. 182 00:14:09,127 --> 00:14:11,516 So, care to hear about our desert special? 183 00:14:12,647 --> 00:14:17,880 Wow! Jeez! You sure are a very forthright and smart girl, ain't ya? 184 00:14:18,007 --> 00:14:22,285 That's what they said last year when they crowned me Miss Teen Oklahoma. 185 00:14:22,407 --> 00:14:24,875 - What? - What? 186 00:14:25,007 --> 00:14:28,966 - Miss Teen Oklahoma? Last year? - Yeah. 187 00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:33,239 - How old are you? - 18... more or less. 188 00:14:33,367 --> 00:14:36,200 Is it more or is it less? 189 00:14:36,327 --> 00:14:38,522 Well... less, I guess! 190 00:14:40,207 --> 00:14:42,198 Shit! 191 00:14:42,327 --> 00:14:45,603 - What the hell's matter with you? - You're a child! 192 00:14:45,727 --> 00:14:49,436 Do I look like a child? Huh? 193 00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:52,877 OK... Ah! Is there anything else you forgot to mention? 194 00:15:02,607 --> 00:15:05,519 - Who are you? - Charlie Wood, Gus's former co-worker. 195 00:15:05,647 --> 00:15:08,241 Josie McBroom. Gus and I were an item. 196 00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:09,959 - Ha! - What? 197 00:15:10,087 --> 00:15:13,443 - I'm sorry to interrupt, but what... - I want in. 198 00:15:15,687 --> 00:15:19,760 All right, read my lips, OK - no f... g way! 199 00:15:19,887 --> 00:15:22,162 - You guys can't do the job without me? - Why? 200 00:15:22,287 --> 00:15:25,245 Because, dumb-dumb, I'm the only one who can make the call. 201 00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:28,518 If the preacher records you on his answer machine 202 00:15:28,647 --> 00:15:32,686 they'll try and match it up with the voice records from the call centre. 203 00:15:33,727 --> 00:15:36,605 You guy's would be screwed, stuffed and mounted. 204 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,957 - Is that true? - Kinda. 205 00:15:39,087 --> 00:15:41,157 How'd you work that out? 206 00:15:41,287 --> 00:15:44,006 I told you, I was Miss Teen Oklahoma. 207 00:15:46,287 --> 00:15:48,084 - How much do you want? - 20,000. 208 00:15:48,207 --> 00:15:51,916 20,000? For making a phone call? 209 00:15:52,047 --> 00:15:54,880 For making 'the' phone call. 210 00:15:55,007 --> 00:15:58,602 ? NOIR DESIR: Fin De Si�cle - G L Y O Andrej Mix) 211 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:04,925 (Charlie) 'The average person makes about 1,140 phone calls each year, 212 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:08,039 'none of which go anything like this.' 213 00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:11,000 May I speak to the Reverend Smalls, please? 214 00:16:16,247 --> 00:16:20,365 Hi, Reverend. Are you familiar with a website that goes by the name of 215 00:16:20,487 --> 00:16:25,277 teen orgies dot com, or young and hung dot com? 216 00:16:26,927 --> 00:16:30,556 Someone who knows what the mouse plays when the wife's away. 217 00:16:32,447 --> 00:16:36,645 Listen, sicko. I have a list of all your favourite sites, your credit card number, 218 00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:40,806 dates and times of all your connections, so you better cut the crap! 219 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:48,238 - What do I want? - (Whispers) 100,000 dollars. 220 00:16:50,727 --> 00:16:53,002 (Whispers) 100,000 dollars. 221 00:16:54,127 --> 00:16:56,083 - 200,000. - (Both whisper) What? 222 00:16:56,207 --> 00:16:59,677 You heard me, I want 200,000 dollars, cash. 223 00:17:00,927 --> 00:17:04,476 Take it or leave it. But if I don't have my money by tomorrow evening, 224 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:07,167 the next church newsletter is gonna be a doozy! 225 00:17:12,807 --> 00:17:14,798 And I'll be sending somebody. 226 00:17:15,887 --> 00:17:19,880 Well, I think that somebody deserves to made a full partner, don't you? 227 00:17:21,247 --> 00:17:23,283 Wait! I took a chance and it worked. 228 00:17:23,407 --> 00:17:25,762 Now we each get 70,000 dollars. 229 00:17:25,887 --> 00:17:30,165 It's actually 66,666, followed by an infinite number of sixes. 230 00:17:30,287 --> 00:17:31,879 Thanks, Rain Man! 231 00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:36,876 From now on, anybody pulls any out-of-the-blue stunts, she's out! 232 00:17:37,007 --> 00:17:39,601 If we're partners, let's start acting like it. 233 00:17:39,727 --> 00:17:44,005 This is the plan - I go get the money at 9:00pm tomorrow. 234 00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:46,766 'At the same time, Charlie enters the Monkey Wrench 235 00:17:46,887 --> 00:17:49,640 'and pretends we ran out of gas on the road to Mill Creek.' 236 00:17:49,767 --> 00:17:52,486 He also says that I'm on my way to the gas station, 237 00:17:52,607 --> 00:17:54,563 the one that opens 24/7, don't forget. 238 00:17:54,687 --> 00:17:58,123 10:00pm, after I stash the money in a locker at the railway station, 239 00:17:58,247 --> 00:18:01,444 I come back and tell everyone about my walk in the dark. 240 00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:04,877 If it comes up, Charlie was at the bar, I was at the gas station. 241 00:18:05,007 --> 00:18:07,316 The guy at the station will say he never saw you. 242 00:18:07,447 --> 00:18:11,406 - Sure. You why? Cos he's blind. - Oh, pretty brill! 243 00:18:11,527 --> 00:18:13,643 The following day we meet at noon, 244 00:18:13,767 --> 00:18:16,201 we divvy up the money and go our respective ways. 245 00:18:16,327 --> 00:18:18,795 OK, now. Any questions? 246 00:18:18,927 --> 00:18:21,680 Why don't we just divvy up the money immediately? 247 00:18:21,807 --> 00:18:24,685 Rule number two - always let the dust settle after a job. 248 00:18:24,807 --> 00:18:28,846 "Rule number two?" What, you've been reading 'Blackmailing for Dummies'? 249 00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:31,838 Any questions? Great. 250 00:18:31,967 --> 00:18:36,358 Rule number three - no matter what happens... always stick to the plan. 251 00:18:36,487 --> 00:18:38,523 (? BARRETT STRONG: Money) 252 00:18:38,647 --> 00:18:40,877 ? The best things in life are free 253 00:18:41,007 --> 00:18:43,567 ? But you can give them to the birds and bees 254 00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:45,996 ? I need money... ? 255 00:18:46,127 --> 00:18:49,676 (Charlie) 'The next day might have been the longest one I'd ever known. 256 00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:55,404 'For the first time since I could remember 257 00:18:55,527 --> 00:18:58,678 'I'd be able to bring security and happiness to my family.' 258 00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:02,482 ? Your love gives me such a thrill 259 00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:04,882 ? But your love don't pay my bills 260 00:19:05,007 --> 00:19:07,157 ? I need money... ? 261 00:19:07,287 --> 00:19:11,724 (Charlie) 'I couldn't tell you if what I felt was fear or excitement.' 262 00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:17,601 (Penny) So, Mr Supervisor, talk to me. Do you have a secretary? 263 00:19:17,727 --> 00:19:19,843 - Yep. - Is she pretty? 264 00:19:19,967 --> 00:19:24,757 (Laughs) Pretty? Er... no, she's more nondescript. 265 00:19:24,887 --> 00:19:26,878 What's her name? 266 00:19:27,007 --> 00:19:29,043 - Sharon. - Sharon? 267 00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:32,637 - Sharon what? - Er... Stone. 268 00:19:33,767 --> 00:19:35,883 - Sharon Stone? - I know! 269 00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,123 - So, how was your day? - Oh, phenomenal (!) 270 00:19:38,247 --> 00:19:40,807 And to top it off, the FBI is sending in The Eye. 271 00:19:40,927 --> 00:19:42,918 - The what? - The who? 272 00:19:43,047 --> 00:19:47,006 Bionic, supersonic Special Agent Chester Hymes, FBI. AKA The Eye. 273 00:19:47,127 --> 00:19:50,642 Which is just what I need with the Undertaker case out of control - 274 00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:53,839 no leads, no fingerprints, nothing. 275 00:19:53,967 --> 00:19:58,040 Honestly, why some folks suddenly have to turn into criminals is beyond me. 276 00:20:02,207 --> 00:20:04,846 - What if I did? - What if you did what? 277 00:20:06,487 --> 00:20:08,637 If I became a criminal. 278 00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:12,999 Like if I, er... stole some money, or something. 279 00:20:13,127 --> 00:20:15,277 I'd arrest you. 280 00:20:18,447 --> 00:20:20,244 (Laughs) 281 00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:26,718 But let's say... let's say I had to. 282 00:20:26,847 --> 00:20:32,558 Like we had no other choice and I had to steal something, er... 283 00:20:32,687 --> 00:20:35,281 because I had to. What then? 284 00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:37,159 I'd arrest you. 285 00:20:38,407 --> 00:20:41,319 - Why? - A good cop always gets her man! 286 00:20:41,447 --> 00:20:43,438 No... l'm serious, Pen. 287 00:20:43,567 --> 00:20:45,239 Why... 288 00:20:45,367 --> 00:20:48,086 Why should Emily have to put up with second-hand toys, 289 00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:50,437 second-hand clothes, a second-hand life? 290 00:20:52,807 --> 00:20:58,677 Charlie, you have your book, you have me and Emily. And that makes us rich. 291 00:21:02,167 --> 00:21:04,727 (? EELS: "Love Of The Loveless") 292 00:21:06,847 --> 00:21:08,724 ? Don't got a lot of time 293 00:21:08,847 --> 00:21:11,486 ? Don't give a damn 294 00:21:11,607 --> 00:21:15,236 ? Don't tell me what to do I am the man 295 00:21:16,447 --> 00:21:18,722 ? If there's a god up there 296 00:21:18,847 --> 00:21:21,361 ? Something above 297 00:21:21,487 --> 00:21:23,443 ? God shine your light down here 298 00:21:23,567 --> 00:21:27,355 ? Shine on the love Love of the loveless 299 00:21:29,927 --> 00:21:32,487 ? Love of the loveless... ? 300 00:21:33,407 --> 00:21:35,477 Hi. 301 00:21:35,607 --> 00:21:38,519 Oh, what a crazy night! 302 00:21:38,647 --> 00:21:41,207 - My car ran out of gas... - You gonna order? 303 00:21:41,327 --> 00:21:43,318 Sure. Beer, please. 304 00:21:43,447 --> 00:21:46,280 One of your finest, mass-produced... 305 00:21:48,047 --> 00:21:50,038 (Knocks on door) 306 00:21:50,167 --> 00:21:52,158 (Door creaks) 307 00:21:56,527 --> 00:21:59,439 My friend, Gus... You know Gus. 308 00:21:59,567 --> 00:22:02,400 Gus Dickinson, works down at the call centre. 309 00:22:02,527 --> 00:22:04,518 Reverend Smalls? 310 00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:12,122 And that's where he is now - walking down that road to the station. 311 00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:15,159 - Reverend Sma... - (Gun hammer clicks) 312 00:22:15,287 --> 00:22:17,084 Smalls... 313 00:22:17,207 --> 00:22:21,962 The old blind guy who runs the station keeps it open 24/7. 314 00:22:22,087 --> 00:22:25,762 Old blind guy is celebrating his 80th birthday tonight, young fella. 315 00:22:28,887 --> 00:22:30,764 Who the hell are you? 316 00:22:32,927 --> 00:22:36,636 Er... l'm the guy that's here to collect the money. 317 00:22:38,127 --> 00:22:40,846 (Coughs) 318 00:22:48,207 --> 00:22:51,244 - Give me your gun. - I don't have one. 319 00:22:53,687 --> 00:22:56,997 You've come to get money from me and you ain't packing? 320 00:22:57,127 --> 00:22:59,197 Give my regards to the big bearded guy. 321 00:22:59,327 --> 00:23:02,683 You don't mean Santa Claus, do you? 322 00:23:03,407 --> 00:23:05,398 (Gunshots) 323 00:23:12,847 --> 00:23:14,838 (Whispers) Gus? 324 00:23:15,687 --> 00:23:17,678 Gus? 325 00:23:26,407 --> 00:23:28,796 (Door creaks) 326 00:23:29,927 --> 00:23:31,918 (Whispers) Gus? 327 00:23:33,807 --> 00:23:35,798 Gus? 328 00:23:42,447 --> 00:23:44,517 (Snap) 329 00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:51,878 Oh my...! 330 00:24:13,487 --> 00:24:17,958 (Josie over phone) 'lf it's you, Jos�, fuck off! Everybody else, leave a message.' 331 00:24:18,087 --> 00:24:21,875 - (Beep over phone) - Josie? Josie? Pick up. 332 00:24:23,727 --> 00:24:28,243 Josie, are you there? We have a real problem here. Pick up. 333 00:24:29,767 --> 00:24:31,564 (Beeping over phone) 334 00:24:32,207 --> 00:24:34,596 (Running water) 335 00:24:41,087 --> 00:24:44,363 (? KARL JENKINS: Sanctus - The Armed Man - A Mass For Peace) 336 00:25:43,047 --> 00:25:45,038 (Whispers) Gus? 337 00:25:57,247 --> 00:25:59,238 Gus? 338 00:26:01,447 --> 00:26:04,120 Gus? Gus, are you there? 339 00:26:06,487 --> 00:26:08,478 Gus? 340 00:26:14,127 --> 00:26:16,118 Gus? 341 00:26:17,927 --> 00:26:19,724 - Oh! - (Whispers) Oh my God! 342 00:26:19,847 --> 00:26:22,486 - What happened? - What are you doing here? 343 00:26:22,607 --> 00:26:25,167 The station was closed. 344 00:26:25,287 --> 00:26:27,323 Our alibi! So I came here. 345 00:26:27,447 --> 00:26:29,881 - Whoa! Calm down - What the hell happened? 346 00:26:30,007 --> 00:26:32,646 The bastard pulled a gun on me. He was gonna shoot me 347 00:26:32,767 --> 00:26:35,406 and I grabbed the gun and it went off. No biggy. 348 00:26:35,527 --> 00:26:39,281 - No biggy? - I conked him on the head with a vase. 349 00:26:39,407 --> 00:26:41,443 He's gonna wake up any minute now. 350 00:26:45,287 --> 00:26:47,881 Oh, Gus... 351 00:26:50,847 --> 00:26:52,917 I think I made a big mistake. 352 00:26:55,007 --> 00:26:58,602 - Did you call the cops? - I put him in the septic tank. 353 00:26:58,727 --> 00:27:00,683 - Who? - The corpse. 354 00:27:00,807 --> 00:27:03,799 - What corpse? - The reverend's corpse. 355 00:27:05,647 --> 00:27:07,956 The reverend wasn't a corpse when I left him. 356 00:27:08,087 --> 00:27:11,124 - There was blood. I saw blood... - It was my blood. 357 00:27:11,247 --> 00:27:14,637 He shot me through the leg. Look, it went clean through the muscle. 358 00:27:15,767 --> 00:27:17,644 Oh my god. 359 00:27:19,327 --> 00:27:21,318 Why didn't you answer when I called you? 360 00:27:21,447 --> 00:27:24,200 I was in the bathroom cleaning the wound. 361 00:27:26,927 --> 00:27:30,556 I checked his pulse. I mean, well... 362 00:27:30,687 --> 00:27:33,485 - Maybe I missed it. 17 percent... - You missed it? 363 00:27:33,607 --> 00:27:35,996 What? Can't we get him out of the tank? 364 00:27:36,127 --> 00:27:39,563 - How long's he been down there? - 10 minutes, tops. 365 00:27:39,687 --> 00:27:41,757 What? 366 00:27:41,887 --> 00:27:45,721 I thought I said, no matter what, stick to the fucking plan. 367 00:27:45,847 --> 00:27:48,042 There wasn't anything in the fucking plan 368 00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:51,637 about the blind guy's birthday and the reverend in a pool of blood! 369 00:27:51,767 --> 00:27:53,644 All right, let's calm down. 370 00:27:53,767 --> 00:27:55,564 - Don't you need a doctor? - Yeah! 371 00:27:55,687 --> 00:27:57,757 There's a slightly more pressing matter! 372 00:28:26,767 --> 00:28:29,679 - What are you doing? - He's crying. 373 00:28:29,807 --> 00:28:34,517 Jesus, Gus. He's crying for what we've done, for our sin. 374 00:28:35,567 --> 00:28:39,276 - Jesus. Hail Mary, full of grace... - Bathtub. 375 00:28:43,847 --> 00:28:46,805 Goddammit! Is that part of your plan? 376 00:28:46,927 --> 00:28:49,282 After you kill someone you take a nice hot bath? 377 00:28:49,407 --> 00:28:54,401 I didn't kill anybody, first of all. Second, I don't pray to leaky ceilings! 378 00:28:54,527 --> 00:28:57,997 Well you know what, I'm having a tough time here. 379 00:28:58,127 --> 00:29:02,643 I just drowned a man of the cloth in crap! 380 00:29:02,767 --> 00:29:05,042 - Maybe I should turn myself in... - No! 381 00:29:05,167 --> 00:29:07,158 Nobody is turning anybody in 382 00:29:07,287 --> 00:29:10,882 Now did you know the priest was alive when you killed him? 383 00:29:11,007 --> 00:29:13,521 - No. - There you go then. 384 00:29:13,647 --> 00:29:16,241 (Running water) 385 00:29:18,047 --> 00:29:22,484 How could we have thought a reverend would have 200,000 dollars in cash? 386 00:29:22,607 --> 00:29:24,404 (Water stops) 387 00:29:24,527 --> 00:29:27,519 The average savings of an American couple between 35 and 50 388 00:29:27,647 --> 00:29:29,877 is 15,256 dollars. 389 00:29:30,007 --> 00:29:32,237 Charlie, Charlie... 390 00:29:32,367 --> 00:29:34,927 Shut up! 391 00:29:37,687 --> 00:29:39,086 Wait! 392 00:29:39,207 --> 00:29:41,960 No! Rule number four - never return to the crime scene. 393 00:29:42,087 --> 00:29:44,157 It's Josie's card, I left it by the phone. 394 00:29:45,167 --> 00:29:48,762 Rule number five - if your partner is an idiot, forget rule number four. 395 00:29:55,567 --> 00:29:57,558 It's gone. 396 00:30:07,087 --> 00:30:08,759 Got it. 397 00:30:08,887 --> 00:30:11,082 Ow! What the fuck? 398 00:30:13,407 --> 00:30:15,079 Ow! 399 00:30:22,367 --> 00:30:24,517 (Charlie) Shouldn't we be going? 400 00:30:24,647 --> 00:30:27,366 Aren't you just a little curious? 401 00:30:30,847 --> 00:30:32,519 (Woman laughs on TV) 402 00:30:32,647 --> 00:30:35,844 'Have a look right there. This beauty, huh? 403 00:30:35,967 --> 00:30:39,039 - 'How are you? ' - (Woman laughs) 404 00:30:39,167 --> 00:30:42,364 - 'Look. This is for you, all right? ' - (Woman laughs) 405 00:30:42,487 --> 00:30:45,763 - She's an actress, right? - (Man on TV) 'Shut up, all right? 406 00:30:45,887 --> 00:30:48,765 'You like this, baby? You like this? Right here? 407 00:30:48,887 --> 00:30:51,082 'You like to feel that? Feel that. Yeah. 408 00:30:51,207 --> 00:30:55,405 'Yeah. You know what this? I am gonna carve your face up... 409 00:30:55,527 --> 00:30:57,518 - 'Argh! ' - (Woman laughs) 410 00:30:57,647 --> 00:30:59,444 'Shut up! ' 411 00:30:59,567 --> 00:31:03,606 If I didn't know better, you know what I'd say this looks like? 412 00:31:03,727 --> 00:31:06,036 (Gunshot) 413 00:31:06,167 --> 00:31:08,886 - A snuff film? - (Chainsaw starts on TV) 414 00:31:10,927 --> 00:31:13,805 (Coughs and spits) 415 00:31:13,927 --> 00:31:15,679 Holy moly! 416 00:31:15,807 --> 00:31:19,595 - Who says Holy moly? - Is it important right now? 417 00:31:19,727 --> 00:31:23,959 This is why he was so keen to cop a deal. He's part of a snuff film ring. 418 00:31:24,087 --> 00:31:27,238 - We've gotta call the police. - What are we gonna tell them? 419 00:31:27,367 --> 00:31:30,916 - Look, if they find the body... - They're not gonna find the body. 420 00:31:31,047 --> 00:31:33,402 The septic tank was genius. Look at it this way - 421 00:31:33,527 --> 00:31:35,757 we may have saved lives tonight. 422 00:31:36,887 --> 00:31:40,197 - You think he's the Oregon Undertaker? - Who knows. 423 00:31:40,327 --> 00:31:42,397 He sure as hell got what he deserved. 424 00:31:44,127 --> 00:31:45,845 Charlie... Wait! 425 00:31:48,887 --> 00:31:51,003 You mind if I come in? 426 00:31:53,727 --> 00:31:55,763 What? 427 00:31:56,847 --> 00:31:58,997 We found the reverend's body. 428 00:32:01,127 --> 00:32:03,436 - It was an accident... - This was no accident. 429 00:32:03,567 --> 00:32:06,843 Someone shot him three times in the head 430 00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:09,686 and left him in his car by the side of the road. 431 00:32:11,527 --> 00:32:15,884 That's a hard pill to swallow. Murder always is. 432 00:32:17,407 --> 00:32:21,082 I'm sorry. Are you certain that it's the Reverend Smalls? 433 00:32:21,207 --> 00:32:23,641 - Oh yeah. We've got a positive ID. - Then who's... 434 00:32:24,527 --> 00:32:26,836 Who's what? 435 00:32:26,967 --> 00:32:30,323 Who is... safe 436 00:32:30,447 --> 00:32:32,483 in this godforsaken world... 437 00:32:32,607 --> 00:32:34,962 - You family? - Yeah... No! 438 00:32:35,087 --> 00:32:38,796 Just a friend. A family friend. 439 00:32:38,927 --> 00:32:41,043 - And your name is? - Stephen. 440 00:32:43,367 --> 00:32:45,164 Stephen Hawking. 441 00:32:45,287 --> 00:32:47,676 Mind if I... 442 00:32:51,727 --> 00:32:53,524 (Sighs) 443 00:33:03,527 --> 00:33:07,486 - You're watching a DVD, huh? - Yeah... No! 444 00:33:07,607 --> 00:33:10,679 I mean... did you know that DVD sales 445 00:33:10,807 --> 00:33:15,676 have risen by 226 percent over the last six months? 446 00:33:15,807 --> 00:33:18,401 Well... no. 447 00:33:19,407 --> 00:33:23,036 But I sure am 100 percent glad to know that. Thanks for the factoid. 448 00:33:27,927 --> 00:33:31,715 So, er... can I get you a drink? 449 00:33:31,847 --> 00:33:34,122 A glass of H20, if you please, Mr Hawking. 450 00:33:39,647 --> 00:33:41,444 (Sniffs) 451 00:33:43,247 --> 00:33:45,238 (Man) There's some blood on the floor. 452 00:33:54,007 --> 00:33:55,998 - (Man) Mr Hawking? - Yeah. I, er... 453 00:33:56,127 --> 00:33:58,561 I broke a vase and, er... 454 00:33:58,687 --> 00:34:02,236 and accidentally cut my arm on one of the shards. 455 00:34:04,767 --> 00:34:06,564 (Gasps) 456 00:34:10,287 --> 00:34:13,324 - Look... - Oh, doggy! 457 00:34:13,447 --> 00:34:15,438 That hurts just looking at it. 458 00:34:16,527 --> 00:34:19,837 - What are you doing? - Getting a sample. Standard procedure. 459 00:34:19,967 --> 00:34:23,516 (Radio) 'Deputy Garmen, Detective Wood wants you at the station.' 460 00:34:23,647 --> 00:34:25,444 Copy that. 461 00:34:25,567 --> 00:34:28,798 Detective Wood, always breathing down my neck. 462 00:34:28,927 --> 00:34:31,521 Ain't had a good poke, if you ask me. 463 00:34:32,687 --> 00:34:36,475 I'm not asking, but whatever. 464 00:34:36,607 --> 00:34:38,279 Well, I'd better get a move on. 465 00:34:40,567 --> 00:34:42,558 (Wind chimes clink) 466 00:34:42,687 --> 00:34:46,043 Mmm... What a beautiful night. 467 00:34:47,087 --> 00:34:50,045 You could almost touch those stars, huh? 468 00:34:50,167 --> 00:34:52,317 Yep. 469 00:34:52,447 --> 00:34:55,439 Although, even if you were travelling the speed of light 470 00:34:55,567 --> 00:34:58,559 it would take you 1,460 days to reach the closest one. 471 00:34:58,687 --> 00:35:00,484 Is that right? 472 00:35:00,607 --> 00:35:03,485 Well you are just a walking factoid factory, partner! 473 00:35:03,607 --> 00:35:06,599 (Laughs) You have yourself a good night. 474 00:35:06,727 --> 00:35:08,524 You, too, officer. 475 00:35:10,647 --> 00:35:15,846 Oh... would you mind if I took a gander at that DVD you were watching? 476 00:35:18,407 --> 00:35:20,637 Curiosity killed the cat, Officer. 477 00:35:20,767 --> 00:35:23,884 In my line of work, the cat gets a raise and a promotion. 478 00:35:25,367 --> 00:35:27,358 (DVD player whirrs) 479 00:35:32,247 --> 00:35:35,478 (Opera singing on TV) 480 00:35:36,287 --> 00:35:39,120 My nine-year-old loves this one. 481 00:35:39,247 --> 00:35:41,761 Especially this part with this singing cow. 482 00:35:44,527 --> 00:35:46,563 I've got to admit, Stephen... 483 00:35:46,687 --> 00:35:48,678 I thought you were hiding something. 484 00:35:48,807 --> 00:35:50,798 (Laughs) 485 00:35:59,087 --> 00:36:01,078 (Hums) 486 00:36:06,967 --> 00:36:09,845 It kinda looks like something got dragged here. 487 00:36:12,447 --> 00:36:14,438 You wanna come with me? 488 00:36:18,887 --> 00:36:21,321 I need you to lift this up for me, Stephen. 489 00:36:21,447 --> 00:36:24,245 - Officer, you don't want to smell... - Open it. 490 00:36:32,007 --> 00:36:34,521 So much for the raise and the promotion, Officer! 491 00:36:35,567 --> 00:36:38,081 There we go. 492 00:36:38,207 --> 00:36:42,041 I knew Columbo here would come back for the DVD. What do we do with him? 493 00:36:42,167 --> 00:36:45,318 - Who is in the septic tank? - How do I know. 494 00:36:45,447 --> 00:36:47,483 Check the papers, see who's missing. 495 00:36:47,607 --> 00:36:50,360 And then what, Gus? We killed somebody! 496 00:36:50,487 --> 00:36:54,480 - Oh, you killed somebody! - Well, you kidnapped a cop! 497 00:36:54,607 --> 00:36:59,522 - Oh, yes, I did! What do you propose? - I'm turning myself in. 498 00:36:59,647 --> 00:37:01,763 They'll say murdered the real reverend. 499 00:37:01,887 --> 00:37:05,163 - I had nothing to do with that! - So? What do they care? 500 00:37:05,287 --> 00:37:08,438 Makes it all nice and neat for them. No messy loose ends. 501 00:37:08,567 --> 00:37:12,446 I'd bet good money they'll be all, "Gosh! We finally caught the Undertaker!" 502 00:37:12,567 --> 00:37:14,956 You'll be spitting fire and crying sparks. 503 00:37:15,087 --> 00:37:17,555 Enough, OK? Let's not make this worse than it is. 504 00:37:17,687 --> 00:37:20,076 Charlie, how could this be any worse? 505 00:37:21,807 --> 00:37:24,196 You're not going anywhere. 506 00:37:24,327 --> 00:37:26,124 You're gonna shoot me? 507 00:37:26,247 --> 00:37:29,444 I've got a family too, Charlie. I am not going to jail. 508 00:37:30,647 --> 00:37:33,081 I am going to shoot you, Charlie! 509 00:37:34,247 --> 00:37:36,966 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 510 00:37:40,207 --> 00:37:42,721 - No, you're not. - (Yells) Yes, I am! 511 00:37:45,567 --> 00:37:47,558 - (Door shuts) - Shit! 512 00:37:48,847 --> 00:37:50,644 (Sighs) 513 00:37:50,767 --> 00:37:52,564 (Gun hammer clicks) 514 00:37:57,047 --> 00:37:59,038 Ah! I knew you would... 515 00:38:00,727 --> 00:38:02,638 I wouldn't do that. 516 00:38:09,767 --> 00:38:11,564 Who the hell are you? 517 00:38:11,687 --> 00:38:16,442 Considering that I live here, young man, the question is, "Who the hell are you?" 518 00:38:17,727 --> 00:38:21,481 It's not what you think, Mrs Smalls. We're not burglars. 519 00:38:21,607 --> 00:38:24,485 Look... we have some terrible news. 520 00:38:24,607 --> 00:38:28,077 Your husband, the reverend... 521 00:38:28,207 --> 00:38:30,198 has passed on. 522 00:38:30,327 --> 00:38:33,046 Considering I put three bullets in his head 523 00:38:33,167 --> 00:38:35,806 I should certainly hope so! 524 00:38:35,927 --> 00:38:38,919 Mrs Smalls, you have the right to remain silent. 525 00:38:39,047 --> 00:38:41,117 - Anything you say... - Oh, please! 526 00:38:41,247 --> 00:38:43,238 So you killed him? 527 00:38:43,367 --> 00:38:46,564 I spent years turning a blind eye to that pervert's, er... 528 00:38:46,687 --> 00:38:49,076 shall we say filmmaking aspirations. 529 00:38:49,207 --> 00:38:51,721 Max and I felt we deserved a share of his benefits. 530 00:38:52,967 --> 00:38:56,084 - Who's Max? - A real man. 531 00:38:57,087 --> 00:39:01,444 We're going from here to somewhere where we'll never worry ever again. 532 00:39:03,047 --> 00:39:05,515 - Er... Ahem! - What? 533 00:39:05,647 --> 00:39:08,320 I think he may already be there. 534 00:39:09,567 --> 00:39:14,004 - What? He wouldn't leave without me. - He didn't really have a choice. 535 00:39:14,127 --> 00:39:16,322 - It was an accident. - OK! 536 00:39:16,447 --> 00:39:19,166 - (Charlie) Shut up... - Why don't you both shut up! 537 00:39:21,407 --> 00:39:24,160 All right, where's the money? 538 00:39:25,287 --> 00:39:29,405 - Sorry, what money? - Two million dollars doesn't just vanish! 539 00:39:29,527 --> 00:39:31,438 - Two... - Yeah, where is it? 540 00:39:33,927 --> 00:39:35,804 Oh dear! 541 00:39:36,687 --> 00:39:39,724 I guess I'll just have to count to three. One... 542 00:39:39,847 --> 00:39:41,838 - No, Mrs Smalls! - Tell her where it is. 543 00:39:41,967 --> 00:39:43,400 - We don't know! - Two... 544 00:39:43,527 --> 00:39:46,246 - Tell her! - (Screaming) 545 00:39:58,727 --> 00:40:02,720 We'll, I'll be! I haven't heard Pink Floyd in years. 546 00:40:12,007 --> 00:40:14,646 Well, pa, time to fire up the old septic tank! 547 00:40:18,007 --> 00:40:22,319 - (Door slams) - By the way, what happened exactly? 548 00:40:23,447 --> 00:40:26,757 Sure. Charlie drowned the reverend, who he thought was dead 549 00:40:26,887 --> 00:40:29,037 even though he wasn't, in the septic tank. 550 00:40:29,167 --> 00:40:31,158 Turns out he wasn't the real reverend. 551 00:40:31,287 --> 00:40:33,482 The real reverend was murdered by his wife, 552 00:40:33,607 --> 00:40:36,679 the woman whose head you split with an axe - stellar timing! 553 00:40:36,807 --> 00:40:41,676 She planned to run away with her lover, Max, now deceased, thanks to Charlie, 554 00:40:41,807 --> 00:40:45,686 and the two million dollars the reverend raised from his side venture 555 00:40:45,807 --> 00:40:49,243 in shooting and selling snuff films. Okey-dokey? 556 00:40:49,367 --> 00:40:52,916 - Groovy! - Groovy? 557 00:40:53,047 --> 00:40:55,800 Three people died tonight, Josie. 558 00:40:55,927 --> 00:40:59,476 In this business, unfortunately, death is an occupational hazard. 559 00:40:59,607 --> 00:41:04,442 And by the way, way to go using my name in front of the cop... Charlie! 560 00:41:04,567 --> 00:41:07,127 Hey, look. I can help. 561 00:41:08,327 --> 00:41:11,876 I'll testify that I heard Mrs Smalls confess to killing her husband. 562 00:41:12,007 --> 00:41:15,966 As for Mrs Smalls, she was threatening the life of a police officer. 563 00:41:17,487 --> 00:41:21,275 - What about the guy in the tank? - You killed him by accident. 564 00:41:21,407 --> 00:41:24,604 You wouldn't do much time. Five years, tops. 565 00:41:24,727 --> 00:41:26,718 (Josie) Oh my God! 566 00:41:26,847 --> 00:41:29,680 (Laughs) 567 00:41:34,487 --> 00:41:36,478 Well that doesn't suck! 568 00:41:37,807 --> 00:41:41,402 I have to hand it to you. That was a brilliant plan after all. 569 00:41:41,527 --> 00:41:44,485 - Can you believe it? We're rich. - (Josie giggles) 570 00:41:44,607 --> 00:41:47,360 You guys can keep my share. I'm gonna turn myself in. 571 00:41:47,487 --> 00:41:49,557 If I go to jail, I go to jail. 572 00:41:49,687 --> 00:41:51,917 Don't be ridiculous! You earned this. 573 00:41:52,047 --> 00:41:54,003 They'll just hunt us down like animals. 574 00:41:54,127 --> 00:41:56,960 With this kind of money you can disappear. 575 00:41:57,087 --> 00:41:59,840 I have a wife and daughter, I don't want to disappear. 576 00:41:59,967 --> 00:42:01,923 Fine. Gus and I will leave the state 577 00:42:02,047 --> 00:42:05,357 and we'll just drop you and the deputy in the middle of nowhere. 578 00:42:05,487 --> 00:42:07,921 - How's that sound? - Let's get rid of the deputy. 579 00:42:08,047 --> 00:42:09,605 - What? - Good thinking! 580 00:42:09,727 --> 00:42:13,356 Since he's the only one who can testify that we're innocent of the murder. 581 00:42:13,487 --> 00:42:15,318 OK, Miss Teen Oklahoma... 582 00:42:15,447 --> 00:42:17,642 (Deputy yells) Help! 583 00:42:18,207 --> 00:42:19,959 Help! 584 00:42:20,967 --> 00:42:23,356 (? GLUECIFER: "Shaking So Bad") 585 00:42:23,487 --> 00:42:26,843 ? It was a long long hour in a long long year 586 00:42:26,967 --> 00:42:30,323 ? It took a time to get out of the rut 587 00:42:30,447 --> 00:42:34,122 ? Now the long gone power got you bendin' over 588 00:42:34,247 --> 00:42:37,239 ? And it is time to get out of the rut 589 00:42:37,367 --> 00:42:40,279 ? I said can 590 00:42:40,407 --> 00:42:42,398 ? This night go on? 591 00:42:43,647 --> 00:42:45,239 - ? I said can... ? - Yes! 592 00:42:45,367 --> 00:42:47,403 - Hold his head. - What are you doing? 593 00:42:47,527 --> 00:42:49,882 Just helping him relax a little. 594 00:42:50,007 --> 00:42:53,443 ? And on and on and on to the next 595 00:42:53,567 --> 00:42:58,482 ? You are heading right in for the crash and the burn and the fear 596 00:42:58,607 --> 00:43:02,316 ? On to the door where the lock is all locked... ? 597 00:43:02,447 --> 00:43:04,961 My friend here decided to surrender. 598 00:43:05,087 --> 00:43:07,521 We'll drop you both somewhere and say goodbye. 599 00:43:07,647 --> 00:43:11,560 - You're making a big mistake. - Let's get out of here. 600 00:43:13,207 --> 00:43:15,198 Wait, wait! 601 00:43:16,247 --> 00:43:18,556 - I gotta go pee. - Oh... 602 00:43:18,687 --> 00:43:21,918 - Please? - (Sighs) OK. 603 00:43:22,967 --> 00:43:26,243 Wait... 604 00:43:26,367 --> 00:43:29,120 - The handcuffs. - In your dreams! 605 00:43:29,247 --> 00:43:32,045 There are certain requirements... 606 00:43:38,127 --> 00:43:40,118 (Zipper) 607 00:43:40,767 --> 00:43:44,237 (Giggles) There. Enjoy! 608 00:44:03,247 --> 00:44:05,522 I'm sorry... 609 00:44:05,647 --> 00:44:07,842 I can't go if you're, er... watching. 610 00:44:07,967 --> 00:44:10,197 Could you just close... 611 00:44:12,127 --> 00:44:15,244 Stage fright! It happens to the best of us. 612 00:44:16,287 --> 00:44:20,644 (Voices echo) 613 00:44:34,047 --> 00:44:35,844 (Knock on door) 614 00:44:35,967 --> 00:44:37,958 (Gus) One minute warning. 615 00:44:44,727 --> 00:44:47,002 You dropped this. 616 00:44:49,807 --> 00:44:52,958 - No, I can explain... Argh! - Get up, partner! 617 00:44:53,087 --> 00:44:56,602 - What the hell's the matter with you? - It's a flight to Vegas. 618 00:44:56,727 --> 00:44:59,958 8:00am. We were supposed to meet at noon to split the money. 619 00:45:00,087 --> 00:45:03,875 - That asshole broke my nose! - You better have an explanation. 620 00:45:04,007 --> 00:45:09,286 All right, I lied about Thais needing a cornea transplant. She's fine. 621 00:45:10,607 --> 00:45:14,316 - I owe my wife 300,000 bucks. - I'm sorry? 622 00:45:14,447 --> 00:45:18,201 I owe my ex-wife 300,000 dollars and because of her snake of a lawyer 623 00:45:18,327 --> 00:45:21,080 there is a restraining order against me until I pay up. 624 00:45:21,207 --> 00:45:23,846 I have not seen or talked to my daughter in two years. 625 00:45:23,967 --> 00:45:25,878 - Why not say? - Would you have helped? 626 00:45:26,007 --> 00:45:28,282 - Of course not. - Well, there you go, then! 627 00:45:28,407 --> 00:45:30,875 (Crashing and toilet flushing) 628 00:45:38,007 --> 00:45:40,567 - (Josie) Oh my God! - There goes our alibi. 629 00:45:40,687 --> 00:45:43,645 Uh-uh! Freakin' fantastic! 630 00:45:43,767 --> 00:45:47,282 Don't you see? None of us has to run away or turn ourselves in. 631 00:45:47,407 --> 00:45:49,967 What do you propose? We roam the country 632 00:45:50,087 --> 00:45:52,078 like Bonnie and Clyde... and Clyde? 633 00:45:52,207 --> 00:45:56,962 No. First, we take the cop's car and crash it into a tree up the road. 634 00:45:57,087 --> 00:45:59,647 We put him and the reverend's wife in her car 635 00:45:59,767 --> 00:46:02,042 and push it over the cliff at Grouse Point. 636 00:46:02,167 --> 00:46:06,445 - They'd find the car in a couple of days. - And what would the forensic figure? 637 00:46:06,567 --> 00:46:10,401 That the deputy was driving under the influence of alcohol, crashed, 638 00:46:10,527 --> 00:46:12,995 flagged down another car driven by Mrs Smalls, 639 00:46:13,127 --> 00:46:15,800 took control of the wheel and drove them off a cliff. 640 00:46:15,927 --> 00:46:19,556 And the wounds, they'd be more than covered up by the crash. 641 00:46:19,687 --> 00:46:22,201 So the reverend gets murdered on the same night 642 00:46:22,327 --> 00:46:25,319 that his wife gets driven off a cliff by a drunken cop? 643 00:46:25,447 --> 00:46:27,563 That doesn't sound very accidental. 644 00:46:27,687 --> 00:46:29,996 You know, he has a point... for once. 645 00:46:30,127 --> 00:46:34,917 OK, er... Then we plant Mrs Smalls' gun in the car with them. 646 00:46:35,047 --> 00:46:37,800 They figure it was the weapon that killed the reverend. 647 00:46:37,927 --> 00:46:40,646 They think... maybe she had an affair with the deputy, 648 00:46:40,767 --> 00:46:45,557 maybe they decide to off the reverend and then maybe they had an accident. 649 00:46:46,487 --> 00:46:50,116 - That's a hell of a lot of maybes! - Let's hear your bright idea, boss. 650 00:46:58,167 --> 00:47:01,125 Ooh! Old broad sure liked her food! 651 00:47:01,247 --> 00:47:03,966 Fancy body bags! 652 00:47:06,647 --> 00:47:10,083 - You're eating a lollypop? - I didn't have dinner. I need the sugar. 653 00:47:11,807 --> 00:47:13,957 - Ow! - Are you OK? 654 00:47:14,087 --> 00:47:16,806 Yeah. Let's just get this done. 655 00:47:16,927 --> 00:47:19,680 (? LOCAL H: "Hands On The Bible") 656 00:47:19,807 --> 00:47:22,037 ? Hands on the bible 657 00:47:22,167 --> 00:47:25,523 ? Scared like a child 658 00:47:25,647 --> 00:47:29,322 ? God holds you liable 659 00:47:29,447 --> 00:47:31,915 ? For what you've done 660 00:47:33,367 --> 00:47:36,086 ? Homicidal 661 00:47:36,207 --> 00:47:39,244 ? Stare down your idols 662 00:47:40,607 --> 00:47:42,837 ? A pretty baby 663 00:47:43,847 --> 00:47:45,963 ? Never born 664 00:47:47,087 --> 00:47:50,045 ? You can't believe it 665 00:47:50,167 --> 00:47:54,160 ? You didn't mean it 666 00:47:54,287 --> 00:47:59,600 ? But they saw you do it and they know your name 667 00:48:00,887 --> 00:48:04,516 ? Rats in the attic 668 00:48:04,647 --> 00:48:08,083 ? Toys in the cellar 669 00:48:08,207 --> 00:48:11,324 ? She's an addict 670 00:48:11,447 --> 00:48:13,915 ? He wants to learn 671 00:48:14,047 --> 00:48:17,517 ? Hands on the bible 672 00:48:17,647 --> 00:48:21,356 ? Egomaniacal... ? 673 00:48:21,487 --> 00:48:23,603 Can you go any slower? 674 00:48:23,727 --> 00:48:26,924 We don't wanna attract attention, now do we? 675 00:48:27,047 --> 00:48:29,641 No, we don't wanna go back in time, now do we? 676 00:48:30,647 --> 00:48:35,038 It's only by going faster than light that one could theoretically go back in time. 677 00:48:35,167 --> 00:48:38,079 Yeah! Do me a favour - shut the fuck up! 678 00:48:40,127 --> 00:48:44,359 You have some serious stress-related issues. You're not Canadian, are you? 679 00:48:44,487 --> 00:48:46,523 Wh... What? 680 00:48:46,647 --> 00:48:51,198 The 2003 statistical report on the health of Canadians states that 62 percent... 681 00:48:51,327 --> 00:48:56,526 What's wrong with you? You pull these random facts and stats out of your ass, 682 00:48:56,647 --> 00:48:59,081 and nobody really gives a shit! 683 00:48:59,207 --> 00:49:01,675 - Guys! - Jesus Christ, man! 684 00:49:01,807 --> 00:49:03,957 Charlie, here's a nifty stat for you - 685 00:49:04,087 --> 00:49:07,523 for a guy that knows everything, to get a job in a call centre 686 00:49:07,647 --> 00:49:11,401 you have to be, bar none, the biggest loser I have ever met in my life. 687 00:49:11,527 --> 00:49:13,518 And I'm from Las Vegas! 688 00:49:26,567 --> 00:49:30,162 You ever hear of a neurotransmitter called acetylcholine? 689 00:49:30,287 --> 00:49:31,879 What? 690 00:49:32,007 --> 00:49:35,795 It's the chemical your brain uses for memory... dummy. 691 00:49:36,807 --> 00:49:38,923 - Is it? - Yeah, that's exactly right. 692 00:49:39,047 --> 00:49:43,518 See, the reason I lost my teaching job is I have this disorder, 693 00:49:43,647 --> 00:49:46,878 typified by a gradual, acute neuro-degeneration 694 00:49:47,007 --> 00:49:48,998 of the cerebral cortex. 695 00:49:49,127 --> 00:49:54,042 Or if that's too "pulled out of my ass" for you, I'm slowly losing my memory. 696 00:49:55,607 --> 00:49:57,199 Are you making this up? 697 00:49:57,327 --> 00:50:01,206 The doctors think that, in a year or two, my mind will be a total blank. 698 00:50:01,327 --> 00:50:03,795 So the only thing I can do to slow things down 699 00:50:03,927 --> 00:50:07,044 is to keep working my memory as much as possible. 700 00:50:08,207 --> 00:50:10,357 Do you remember what's in the blue bag? 701 00:50:10,487 --> 00:50:13,160 - What blue bag? - (Laughs) 702 00:50:14,647 --> 00:50:17,957 Jeez, guy, I'm really sorry. You know... 703 00:50:21,127 --> 00:50:23,561 (Car brakes whine) 704 00:50:26,407 --> 00:50:29,399 Hey, Gus, what's the Greek word for bullshit? 705 00:50:35,527 --> 00:50:37,518 - You sonofabitch! - Stop it! 706 00:50:37,647 --> 00:50:39,603 (Gus) Damn it! What the... 707 00:50:39,727 --> 00:50:41,922 (Car horn honks and tyres screech) 708 00:50:43,727 --> 00:50:46,764 - Are you fucking crazy? - He lied to us again! 709 00:50:46,887 --> 00:50:49,355 He doesn't have a daughter... 710 00:50:49,487 --> 00:50:52,240 Is everyone OK in there? 711 00:50:54,887 --> 00:50:56,923 We're fine. 712 00:50:57,047 --> 00:51:00,323 Everything's fine. So, thanks for coming over. 713 00:51:00,447 --> 00:51:03,041 - I think we should call the police. - What? 714 00:51:03,167 --> 00:51:06,125 No, let's not bother them. They've got a lot on their plate. 715 00:51:06,247 --> 00:51:08,238 You're fine, your car's fine. 716 00:51:08,367 --> 00:51:11,962 Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that's standard procedure, isn't it? 717 00:51:13,247 --> 00:51:16,956 I'll be honest with you - I don't give a rat's ass for standard procedure. 718 00:51:17,087 --> 00:51:20,875 Here, why don't you pack your fat ass back in your car 719 00:51:21,007 --> 00:51:23,965 and buy yourself as big a sandwich as your heart desires. 720 00:51:24,087 --> 00:51:26,965 Is that standard enough procedure for you? 721 00:51:27,087 --> 00:51:29,237 - Your trunk is open. - What? 722 00:51:31,047 --> 00:51:33,242 You all going on a trip somewhere? 723 00:51:33,367 --> 00:51:37,360 Sure looks you're packed for a long one. Is that your entire wardrobe in there? 724 00:51:37,487 --> 00:51:39,717 No, it's a couple of dead bodies. 725 00:51:41,487 --> 00:51:44,240 (Both laugh) 726 00:51:44,367 --> 00:51:47,040 - That was a good one! - I'm glad you liked it... 727 00:51:47,167 --> 00:51:49,601 - (Beeping) - Oh, jeez! 728 00:51:49,727 --> 00:51:53,276 Oh, it's time for old stingy! 729 00:51:53,407 --> 00:51:55,238 What? 730 00:51:55,367 --> 00:51:57,437 Oh, it's insulin. 731 00:51:57,567 --> 00:51:59,558 Whatever! 732 00:52:00,767 --> 00:52:02,359 (Car door shuts) 733 00:52:07,007 --> 00:52:09,282 Freak show! 734 00:52:11,247 --> 00:52:13,124 - Ow! - You sonofabitch! 735 00:52:13,247 --> 00:52:16,603 Granted, I lied, but I have a responsibility towards myself. 736 00:52:16,727 --> 00:52:19,878 - When I got out of prison, I swore... - What? What? 737 00:52:20,007 --> 00:52:22,805 You were in prison? For what? 738 00:52:22,927 --> 00:52:26,761 I kind of convinced some people to invest in some businesses 739 00:52:26,887 --> 00:52:29,720 that weren't actually, technically in existence. 740 00:52:29,847 --> 00:52:32,600 - Anything else you forgot, sociopath? - Oh, come on! 741 00:52:32,727 --> 00:52:35,639 - Aren't you overreacting a bit? - Overreacting? 742 00:52:35,767 --> 00:52:38,201 I happen to be a very good conman. 743 00:52:38,327 --> 00:52:41,364 That's my talent. What do you want me to do, waste it? 744 00:52:41,487 --> 00:52:44,524 You don't go around using it on your partners, jerk! 745 00:52:45,447 --> 00:52:48,996 I bet Gus isn't even your real name. What is it? 746 00:52:49,127 --> 00:52:52,563 - No, really, I'd love to know. - My mother, God rest her soul... 747 00:52:52,687 --> 00:52:55,485 - (Charlie laughs) ...named me after Augustus... 748 00:53:00,927 --> 00:53:04,203 (? KARL JENKINS: Sanctus - The Armed Man - A Mass For Peace) 749 00:53:28,887 --> 00:53:30,878 (Charlie) What the... 750 00:53:36,607 --> 00:53:41,283 - Maybe she's jumped out the trunk. - She didn't jump out of any trunk. 751 00:53:41,407 --> 00:53:43,762 - She's fucking dead. - Did you check her pulse? 752 00:53:43,887 --> 00:53:46,959 - Er... no. - Why didn't you check her pulse? 753 00:53:47,087 --> 00:53:50,682 Because I assume that when you have an axe lodged in your skull 754 00:53:50,807 --> 00:53:52,798 your pulse tends to bottom out on you! 755 00:53:52,927 --> 00:53:56,806 - Maybe you shouldn't assume so much. - All right, just settle down, kids! 756 00:53:56,927 --> 00:54:00,442 All that matters now is that we find her before someone else does. 757 00:54:00,567 --> 00:54:04,401 - Try to keep it on the road this time! - Hey, fuck you! Fuck you both! 758 00:54:04,527 --> 00:54:10,443 When people ain't punching me in the eye, my driving is just perfect. 759 00:54:10,567 --> 00:54:12,205 (All) Argh! 760 00:54:12,327 --> 00:54:14,887 (Tyres screech) 761 00:54:33,927 --> 00:54:36,805 - Want me to check her pulse? - (Siren wails) 762 00:54:42,087 --> 00:54:44,157 - Shit! - (Car door opens and closes) 763 00:54:47,687 --> 00:54:50,281 - Charlie? - Hi, honey! 764 00:54:50,407 --> 00:54:53,638 - (Penny) What are you doing here? - What are you doing here? 765 00:54:54,847 --> 00:54:58,476 Wh... We had an anonymous call reporting a body in the road. 766 00:54:58,607 --> 00:55:00,325 We just ran over it. 767 00:55:00,447 --> 00:55:02,722 Hi, I'm Josie McBroom. 768 00:55:02,847 --> 00:55:05,839 I thought you were having a drink with your supervisor. 769 00:55:05,967 --> 00:55:10,279 Technically, I'm Junior Supervisor but they did place Charlie under me. 770 00:55:11,287 --> 00:55:14,677 - Oh... - And you must be... 771 00:55:14,807 --> 00:55:16,559 - Penelope Wood. - Penelope. 772 00:55:16,687 --> 00:55:19,042 - Detective Penelope Wood. - Of course! 773 00:55:19,167 --> 00:55:22,603 Charlie has told me a lot about you... 774 00:55:22,727 --> 00:55:25,480 Did he say he has a little girl and that I brought her... 775 00:55:25,607 --> 00:55:29,043 - Emily's here? ...because there's no one at home? 776 00:55:29,167 --> 00:55:31,158 Now, what happened, exactly? 777 00:55:31,287 --> 00:55:34,996 Well, we were driving into town 778 00:55:35,127 --> 00:55:37,516 and all of a sudden - bang! 779 00:55:37,647 --> 00:55:41,003 We ran over this body here. There was nothing I could do to avoid her. 780 00:55:41,127 --> 00:55:44,517 No one could have. I swear, she just popped out of nowhere. 781 00:55:45,847 --> 00:55:49,123 - And you are? - Who, me? I'm Gus. 782 00:55:49,247 --> 00:55:52,762 Gus Dickinson is my name. A co-worker of Charlie's. 783 00:55:54,287 --> 00:55:57,279 - Who are you calling? - My deputy. 784 00:56:00,527 --> 00:56:04,076 (Mobile phone rings and plays Bach's "Toccata and Fugue") 785 00:56:05,847 --> 00:56:07,644 Aren't you gonna answer that? 786 00:56:08,927 --> 00:56:11,839 Uh-uh! It's probably just my ex-boyfriend. 787 00:56:11,967 --> 00:56:14,117 Freakin' stalker, you know? 788 00:56:16,847 --> 00:56:21,443 Deputy Garmen, Detective Wood here. You need to report in immediately. 789 00:56:21,567 --> 00:56:24,206 - (Mobile phone rings) - (Pen) Detective Wood. 790 00:56:26,047 --> 00:56:27,844 Where? 791 00:56:29,527 --> 00:56:31,404 Shit! 792 00:56:31,527 --> 00:56:33,916 - The Eye is at the station. - The what? 793 00:56:34,047 --> 00:56:38,996 All right, I want you all to follow me down there. I'm gonna need your statements. 794 00:56:39,127 --> 00:56:42,483 Can't that wait till tomorrow? I'm sure it more productive 795 00:56:42,607 --> 00:56:45,167 if we'd had a good night's sleep, right? 796 00:56:46,767 --> 00:56:48,200 (Siren wails) 797 00:56:48,327 --> 00:56:51,842 You might have mentioned that your wife was a detective. 798 00:56:51,967 --> 00:56:53,366 Shut up. 799 00:56:53,487 --> 00:56:56,559 Gus, you might have mentioned about not really owing alimony 800 00:56:56,687 --> 00:57:00,475 to your imaginary wife and your imaginary daughter not really going blind. 801 00:57:00,607 --> 00:57:02,757 Touch�! 802 00:57:02,887 --> 00:57:06,163 Everyone, this is Special Agent Chester Hymes. 803 00:57:06,287 --> 00:57:10,405 Well, can you beat this? My friends with the bodies in the trunk. 804 00:57:11,967 --> 00:57:13,844 - What? - It's an inside joke! 805 00:57:13,967 --> 00:57:16,765 We ran into each other earlier. How do you do? 806 00:57:18,607 --> 00:57:21,565 - I'm ready. - Charlie, can you look after Emmy. 807 00:57:21,687 --> 00:57:23,678 You two follow us. 808 00:57:25,967 --> 00:57:28,925 - We're screwed! - Not if we keep out story straight. 809 00:57:29,047 --> 00:57:32,483 We had a few beers at Gus's place, that's the end if it. Got it? 810 00:57:32,607 --> 00:57:35,041 (Both) Got it. 811 00:57:35,167 --> 00:57:36,805 Gus... 812 00:57:37,807 --> 00:57:40,275 - We're screwed! - Oh, come on! 813 00:57:40,407 --> 00:57:43,205 Do you think Agent Hippo is gonna figure out more 814 00:57:43,327 --> 00:57:45,841 than where to find a really great buffet? 815 00:57:45,967 --> 00:57:48,720 These abrasions on her knees and elbows 816 00:57:48,847 --> 00:57:51,122 indicate a leap from a moving vehicle. 817 00:57:51,247 --> 00:57:54,842 We can deduce that Mrs Smalls' would-be killer 818 00:57:54,967 --> 00:57:59,597 presupposed her already dead when she was transported by automobile. 819 00:57:59,727 --> 00:58:03,276 - (Gus gasps) - Are you all right, Mr Dickinson? 820 00:58:03,407 --> 00:58:07,878 Er... yeah. This is the first dead body for me, so... 821 00:58:08,927 --> 00:58:10,963 - And I drunk beers at my place. - Yeah. 822 00:58:11,087 --> 00:58:14,602 Other than the axe wound, which, judging from the angle of entry, 823 00:58:14,727 --> 00:58:18,117 came from a much shorter person, possibly a female, 824 00:58:18,247 --> 00:58:21,876 nothing here indicates any sort of fisticuffs ever took place. 825 00:58:22,007 --> 00:58:27,365 I can safely say that Mrs Smalls' murderer can be found... 826 00:58:27,487 --> 00:58:29,398 within this very room. 827 00:58:29,527 --> 00:58:32,246 - (Penny) What? - Oh! Just a figure of speech! 828 00:58:32,367 --> 00:58:36,963 What I mean to say is her body will tell me who her killer is 829 00:58:37,087 --> 00:58:39,760 after a more thorough examination. 830 00:58:39,887 --> 00:58:43,402 However, I can hazard a name right now. 831 00:58:43,527 --> 00:58:45,882 Please do. 832 00:58:46,007 --> 00:58:49,841 I'm sure it will come as no surprise that her killer 833 00:58:49,967 --> 00:58:52,356 is none other than... 834 00:58:53,687 --> 00:58:56,121 ...the Oregon Undertaker. 835 00:58:56,247 --> 00:59:00,126 Well, we all could have figured that out, Agent Hymes. 836 00:59:00,247 --> 00:59:02,442 Indeed. 837 00:59:05,367 --> 00:59:08,245 (? EELS: "Theme From Blinking Lights") 838 00:59:35,647 --> 00:59:37,922 Everything's gonna be OK, sweetie. 839 00:59:46,447 --> 00:59:51,157 Hey! So, er... I guess I'll take Emily home. 840 00:59:51,287 --> 00:59:53,278 Why don't you leave her here with me? 841 00:59:54,607 --> 00:59:57,679 - Yah, but I can easily... - Goodnight. 842 00:59:59,927 --> 01:00:03,886 (Yells) Wait! You're not going anywhere, little lady! 843 01:00:05,127 --> 01:00:07,436 Not without your coat. 844 01:00:15,887 --> 01:00:19,163 - Would anyone care to say something? - Just take me home. 845 01:00:20,167 --> 01:00:22,761 No way! We've got a dead cop to ditch first. 846 01:00:22,887 --> 01:00:26,800 I don't care about the cop. I don't even care about the money anymore. 847 01:00:26,927 --> 01:00:30,602 I just wanna go home and pretend this never happened. 848 01:00:30,727 --> 01:00:34,083 Yeah, it hasn't exactly been a run-of-the-mill night on the town. 849 01:00:34,207 --> 01:00:36,675 All I wanted was to take care of my family. 850 01:00:37,687 --> 01:00:42,522 OK, Charlie, the sooner we dispose of the deputy's body, 851 01:00:42,647 --> 01:00:46,037 the sooner you can get started on your pretend happily ever after. 852 01:00:46,167 --> 01:00:48,635 Now how does that sound? 853 01:00:48,767 --> 01:00:52,316 (Garmen) 'You've reached Stu Garmen. Speak after the beep... ' 854 01:00:52,447 --> 01:00:54,039 Shit! 855 01:01:00,767 --> 01:01:04,726 Come on, sweetheart. It's time to go home. 856 01:01:04,847 --> 01:01:06,803 (Clatters) 857 01:01:16,767 --> 01:01:18,758 (Whispers) Oh, Charlie... 858 01:01:47,087 --> 01:01:49,476 - You're sure he'll sink in there? - Absolutely! 859 01:01:50,607 --> 01:01:52,598 - You've done this before? - Never. 860 01:01:52,727 --> 01:01:56,197 Unrefined, unheated tar has a viscosity grade of 250,000. 861 01:01:56,327 --> 01:01:59,125 So what does that mean? He won't sink? 862 01:01:59,247 --> 01:02:03,718 He'll sink. It might take a week or so, but he'll sink. 863 01:02:04,847 --> 01:02:08,237 Well... we better get started then. 864 01:02:25,847 --> 01:02:27,565 (Man) Hold it! 865 01:02:30,367 --> 01:02:31,846 You followed us. 866 01:02:31,967 --> 01:02:36,836 I figured it would be more expedient than listening to bull pucky testimony. 867 01:02:36,967 --> 01:02:39,845 I guess I was right, just like always. 868 01:02:39,967 --> 01:02:41,958 - OK... - Listen... 869 01:02:42,087 --> 01:02:47,081 Agent Hymes, you let us go and there's a million dollars with your name on it. 870 01:02:47,847 --> 01:02:51,283 You're offering a Federal agent a bribe? 871 01:02:51,407 --> 01:02:53,796 - Yeah. - Thanks, little lady. 872 01:02:54,967 --> 01:02:58,676 Gus, come over here for a second, would you? 873 01:03:01,727 --> 01:03:04,002 Tell me I'm fat! 874 01:03:04,127 --> 01:03:06,516 (Laughs) I was joking! 875 01:03:06,647 --> 01:03:10,037 I wanna hear you tell the fat guy how fat he is. 876 01:03:10,167 --> 01:03:12,681 I was kidding, all right? 877 01:03:13,527 --> 01:03:15,518 You might be a little on the heavy side 878 01:03:15,647 --> 01:03:18,400 but it's nothing that a few centuries jogging can't fix! 879 01:03:18,527 --> 01:03:22,679 - Argh! Sonofabitch! - I'm sorry, did that pinch? 880 01:03:22,807 --> 01:03:28,723 All right, the official version is that Gus here attacked me during an arrest. 881 01:03:28,847 --> 01:03:32,681 - And I was defending myself... - Stupid walrus... Argh! 882 01:03:32,807 --> 01:03:38,165 The official version is that Gus tripped and fell on his face during the arrest. 883 01:03:38,287 --> 01:03:43,407 Ok, there's two million dollars in a bag in the car. It's all yours, just take it. 884 01:03:43,527 --> 01:03:47,156 Wow! Can you beat that? One million just became two million. 885 01:03:47,287 --> 01:03:50,996 And people said this economy would never bounce back! 886 01:03:51,127 --> 01:03:53,243 Argh! 887 01:03:57,207 --> 01:04:00,244 - Shoot him in the fucking eye! - What? Shut up! 888 01:04:00,367 --> 01:04:01,800 - Wait! - Don't move! 889 01:04:03,567 --> 01:04:06,127 - I know who you are. - What? 890 01:04:06,247 --> 01:04:11,799 I thought you looked familiar... Fellas, your accomplice is Lucy Bloom, 891 01:04:11,927 --> 01:04:16,796 AKA Lucy McJoseph, AKA Josie McBroom. 892 01:04:16,927 --> 01:04:20,886 - What are you talking about? - You're the Wyoming Widow. 893 01:04:21,007 --> 01:04:22,679 What? 894 01:04:22,807 --> 01:04:26,243 Gentlemen, the Wyoming Widow's MO is always the same. 895 01:04:26,367 --> 01:04:31,646 She seduces an unsuspecting fellow, she fornicates with him 896 01:04:31,767 --> 01:04:34,156 and then she offers up a little sip of whiskey. 897 01:04:34,287 --> 01:04:38,519 The poor sucker never lives long enough to realise that he also just drank 898 01:04:38,647 --> 01:04:40,877 highly concentrated thallium. 899 01:04:41,007 --> 01:04:44,761 You've been watching too many soap operas, Agent Hymes! 900 01:04:48,247 --> 01:04:50,556 You're not believing this crap, are you? 901 01:04:50,687 --> 01:04:54,999 They say that she always keeps her trusty flask on her person, 902 01:04:55,127 --> 01:04:58,676 just in case the next bug flies into her web. 903 01:04:58,807 --> 01:05:03,961 Oh, come on! He's just making this crap up to save his ass! 904 01:05:04,087 --> 01:05:09,036 I could have sworn I felt one inside of her coat pocket back at the station. 905 01:05:11,807 --> 01:05:13,763 Empty your pockets, Josie. 906 01:05:15,567 --> 01:05:18,001 Charlie... 907 01:05:26,287 --> 01:05:27,800 Holy shit! 908 01:05:27,927 --> 01:05:31,237 You planted this in my coat back at the station, didn't you? 909 01:05:31,367 --> 01:05:33,198 No, I didn't. I swear to God! 910 01:05:33,327 --> 01:05:35,124 This isn't mine. 911 01:05:35,247 --> 01:05:39,559 - He is lying. He is lying! - Take a drink. 912 01:05:41,367 --> 01:05:43,881 - Oh... - (Gus) Take a sip, Josie. 913 01:05:51,647 --> 01:05:54,320 There. 914 01:05:55,407 --> 01:05:58,285 Are you ha... 915 01:05:58,407 --> 01:06:00,716 - Josie? - Oh, my God! 916 01:06:00,847 --> 01:06:04,442 Oh, God! Josie! Come on, spit it out! 917 01:06:04,567 --> 01:06:07,604 (Laughs) 918 01:06:07,727 --> 01:06:10,878 - You are so pathetic! - That was not funny. 919 01:06:14,167 --> 01:06:18,718 You dumb shits! I told you he was just trying to mess with us! Fuck! Fuck! 920 01:06:20,247 --> 01:06:23,762 (? RAMMSTEIN: "Engel") 921 01:07:26,887 --> 01:07:28,878 Jesus! 922 01:07:31,167 --> 01:07:32,885 (Gun clatters) 923 01:07:33,007 --> 01:07:34,838 I think that belongs to Uncle Sam. 924 01:07:34,967 --> 01:07:37,959 Now hold on. We're on the same side here, Chester. 925 01:07:40,567 --> 01:07:42,444 I'm an agent too. 926 01:07:47,847 --> 01:07:51,157 - When the hell did you take that off me? - Back at the station. 927 01:07:51,287 --> 01:07:52,766 (Gun hammer clicks) 928 01:07:52,887 --> 01:07:56,277 Listen, here's the thing, Gus - 929 01:07:56,407 --> 01:07:59,319 there's a friend of mine, an agent, one of the best. 930 01:07:59,447 --> 01:08:01,961 He's been protecting the innocent a long time now. 931 01:08:02,087 --> 01:08:04,760 And, well... 932 01:08:04,887 --> 01:08:07,321 he's gotten fed up with working his ass off 933 01:08:07,447 --> 01:08:11,076 for ungrateful morons who call him fatty. 934 01:08:12,167 --> 01:08:14,158 A pat on the back if things go right, 935 01:08:14,287 --> 01:08:17,085 or the stars and stripes on his coffin if they don't. 936 01:08:17,207 --> 01:08:19,198 It just doesn't cut it anymore. 937 01:08:21,327 --> 01:08:23,124 I have two million here. 938 01:08:23,247 --> 01:08:25,966 Believe when I say no one will ever claim it. 939 01:08:26,087 --> 01:08:29,796 Tell your friend there's a million for him and a million for me. 940 01:08:29,927 --> 01:08:34,079 What about two million for him and nothing for you. 941 01:08:34,207 --> 01:08:36,960 Oh, come on, Chetty! We're partners here. 942 01:08:37,087 --> 01:08:40,875 You insult me, Gus. You're not even a real criminal. 943 01:08:41,007 --> 01:08:43,396 You're just a small-time crook 944 01:08:43,527 --> 01:08:46,087 who got shot twice in the chest resisting arrest. 945 01:08:47,247 --> 01:08:49,920 Listen, I have a daughter, Thais... 946 01:08:50,047 --> 01:08:54,325 Thais. That's Greek for 'Beloved'. 947 01:08:54,447 --> 01:08:56,642 (Silenced gunshots) 948 01:08:58,367 --> 01:09:02,280 - You shot me. - That's the first true thing you've said. 949 01:09:11,927 --> 01:09:14,839 (Huffs and puffs) 950 01:09:19,727 --> 01:09:21,922 What took you so long? 951 01:09:46,287 --> 01:09:48,278 (Sighs) 952 01:09:54,407 --> 01:09:56,204 (Splash) 953 01:09:58,807 --> 01:10:00,923 (Door shuts) 954 01:10:01,047 --> 01:10:02,844 Mummy... 955 01:10:03,847 --> 01:10:06,839 It's all right, sweetheart. Go back to sleep. 956 01:10:13,567 --> 01:10:15,558 (Coughing and spitting) 957 01:10:17,687 --> 01:10:20,724 (Splutters) Wait! You know I can't eat this much sugar. 958 01:10:20,847 --> 01:10:23,315 You shouldn't do this. 959 01:10:23,447 --> 01:10:26,564 - Like you shouldn't have killed Gus. - Keep eating. 960 01:10:26,687 --> 01:10:28,484 (Crunches) 961 01:10:28,607 --> 01:10:31,326 Gus was a backstabber. 962 01:10:31,447 --> 01:10:34,803 He told me he was gonna kill you and make off with the money. 963 01:10:35,967 --> 01:10:40,404 That's why I killed him. I saved your life. I'm telling you the truth! 964 01:10:40,527 --> 01:10:45,043 89.9 percent of all US Government agents can beat a lie detector. 965 01:10:46,767 --> 01:10:49,679 Please... this isn't right, Charlie. 966 01:10:49,807 --> 01:10:52,401 You know this isn't right. 967 01:10:52,527 --> 01:10:56,202 - Your wife is an officer of the law. - Shut up! Shut the fuck up! 968 01:10:56,327 --> 01:10:58,443 (Beeping) 969 01:10:58,567 --> 01:11:00,762 Oh, God. 970 01:11:00,887 --> 01:11:03,799 (Gasps) I don't wanna die! 971 01:11:03,927 --> 01:11:06,680 I don't wanna die... 972 01:11:06,807 --> 01:11:10,163 (Gasps) Please... Oh... 973 01:11:10,287 --> 01:11:12,755 (Retches) 974 01:11:22,647 --> 01:11:25,798 - God, we really did it, huh? - What? 975 01:11:25,927 --> 01:11:28,157 We really turned into monsters. 976 01:11:30,167 --> 01:11:31,759 Oh, Charlie... 977 01:11:35,967 --> 01:11:37,958 Oh, come on. 978 01:11:38,087 --> 01:11:40,681 I say it was worth it. 979 01:11:41,767 --> 01:11:44,804 Let's get the body in the car. It's heavy enough to sink. 980 01:11:44,927 --> 01:11:47,316 Wait... 981 01:11:47,447 --> 01:11:50,200 There's still one passenger missing. 982 01:11:51,167 --> 01:11:53,442 (Gun hammer clicks) 983 01:11:55,087 --> 01:11:59,399 You said you wanted to pretend none of this ever happened... 984 01:12:00,807 --> 01:12:05,278 One sip of this... and you can kiss all your worries goodbye. 985 01:12:08,007 --> 01:12:10,805 - The Wyoming Widow? - Yeah. 986 01:12:12,887 --> 01:12:16,084 - But I saw you drink it. - (Laughs) 987 01:12:16,207 --> 01:12:19,119 Never far from my trusty flasks! 988 01:12:20,447 --> 01:12:21,846 - Brilliant. - Yeah! 989 01:12:21,967 --> 01:12:25,960 After all, I was Miss Teen Wyoming. 990 01:12:26,927 --> 01:12:31,205 Now, Obviously I can't let you go and risk having you report me 991 01:12:31,327 --> 01:12:36,003 and, fuck, two million does sound a heck of a lot nicer than one million! 992 01:12:37,047 --> 01:12:39,925 - You were right, Penny. - What's that? 993 01:12:41,047 --> 01:12:43,880 Penelope always said money won't make you rich, I just... 994 01:12:44,007 --> 01:12:46,521 I just didn't believe her. 995 01:12:47,927 --> 01:12:51,397 You do seem like a genuinely decent guy, Charlie. 996 01:12:51,527 --> 01:12:55,202 - I'm real sorry I gotta do this. - You don't have a choice, do you? 997 01:12:55,327 --> 01:12:57,887 No, I don't. But you do. 998 01:12:58,007 --> 01:13:02,125 You want me to shoot you or you want to go for the whiskey? 999 01:13:05,207 --> 01:13:07,198 What did Hymes say you used? 1000 01:13:07,327 --> 01:13:10,763 Concentrated thallium. Much quicker than cyanide. 1001 01:13:17,367 --> 01:13:19,483 Any last words, Charlie? 1002 01:13:22,367 --> 01:13:24,358 Don't spend it all at one place. 1003 01:13:25,847 --> 01:13:27,644 What? 1004 01:13:27,767 --> 01:13:29,678 (Gulps liquid) 1005 01:13:32,687 --> 01:13:34,678 (Charlie coughs) 1006 01:13:38,287 --> 01:13:42,075 What? What? 1007 01:13:42,207 --> 01:13:44,243 What? 1008 01:13:44,967 --> 01:13:46,958 (Gasps and exhales) 1009 01:13:47,087 --> 01:13:50,796 (Screams) No! Oh! 1010 01:13:50,927 --> 01:13:53,646 What the fuck? 1011 01:13:53,767 --> 01:13:58,363 (Yells) Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Fuck! 1012 01:13:58,487 --> 01:14:01,365 (? MARTIN CRAFT: "The Soldier") 1013 01:14:01,487 --> 01:14:04,047 ? Ah 1014 01:14:05,247 --> 01:14:08,125 ? What do I to be close to you... ? 1015 01:14:11,687 --> 01:14:13,678 (Phone rings) 1016 01:14:13,807 --> 01:14:18,927 ? What do I do for your love... ? 1017 01:14:20,287 --> 01:14:22,278 (Phone rings) 1018 01:14:22,407 --> 01:14:24,398 (Phone rings, then machine clicks) 1019 01:14:24,527 --> 01:14:28,520 (Charlie over phone) 'Charlie, Penelope and Emily can't come to the phone. 1020 01:14:28,647 --> 01:14:31,036 - 'Please leave us a message.' - (Phone beeps) 1021 01:14:31,167 --> 01:14:34,637 (Man) 'This is a message for Charlie Wood. My name is Samuel Koenig, 1022 01:14:34,767 --> 01:14:38,555 'I'm Senior VP of Barstow Publishing Self Help Division here in Seattle. 1023 01:14:38,687 --> 01:14:41,679 'Listen, I'm calling in regards to this book you sent us, 1024 01:14:41,807 --> 01:14:44,275 "'Build A Better Brain And Beat The Big Nothing." 1025 01:14:44,407 --> 01:14:46,398 'lt seems to me like it's a no-brainer! 1026 01:14:46,527 --> 01:14:48,916 'Seriously, though, we have an offer for you. 1027 01:14:49,047 --> 01:14:51,163 'We think you'll be happy with it. 1028 01:14:51,287 --> 01:14:54,279 'Please call me back at your earliest convenience... ' 1029 01:14:56,327 --> 01:15:02,562 ? I've been travelling in far off lands 1030 01:15:04,927 --> 01:15:09,398 ? You are the only thing that I miss 1031 01:15:09,527 --> 01:15:12,246 ? And the sand 1032 01:15:12,367 --> 01:15:16,440 ? Stretches out ahead 1033 01:15:16,567 --> 01:15:19,843 ? Time takes its time 1034 01:15:20,847 --> 01:15:24,442 ? If I don't come back dead 1035 01:15:24,567 --> 01:15:29,004 ? Then I'm coming to make you mine... ? 1036 01:15:37,687 --> 01:15:39,678 (Car horn blares) 1037 01:15:55,007 --> 01:15:57,202 - Hi. - Hi. Where you headed? 1038 01:15:57,327 --> 01:16:01,240 - As far away from here as possible. - (Laughs) That one we could do for you. 1039 01:16:02,727 --> 01:16:05,525 This must be my lucky day. 1040 01:16:08,727 --> 01:16:11,525 Er... let me just double-check something. 1041 01:16:17,847 --> 01:16:19,644 (Liquid sloshes) 1042 01:16:19,767 --> 01:16:21,166 (Laughs) 1043 01:16:28,167 --> 01:16:30,806 - All set. - All righty! 1044 01:16:35,567 --> 01:16:38,559 (? LOCAL H: Bound for the Floor) 1045 01:16:38,687 --> 01:16:40,678 ? Born to be down 1046 01:16:42,407 --> 01:16:46,286 ? I've learned all my lessons before now 1047 01:16:46,407 --> 01:16:48,398 ? Born to be down 1048 01:16:50,127 --> 01:16:52,595 ? I think you'll get used to it 1049 01:16:52,727 --> 01:16:56,481 ? And you just don't get it You keep it copasetic 1050 01:16:56,607 --> 01:17:00,361 ? And you learn to accept it You know it's so pathetic 1051 01:17:00,487 --> 01:17:04,366 ? And you just don't get it You keep it copasetic 1052 01:17:04,487 --> 01:17:08,560 ? And you learn to accept it You know it's so pathetic 1053 01:17:12,007 --> 01:17:13,998 ? And you don't 1054 01:17:15,887 --> 01:17:17,878 ? And you don't 1055 01:17:19,807 --> 01:17:21,798 ? And you don't 1056 01:17:25,087 --> 01:17:28,477 ? Born to be down... ? 1057 01:17:28,607 --> 01:17:30,598 (Man) And... action. 1058 01:17:33,887 --> 01:17:35,878 Again. 1059 01:17:38,047 --> 01:17:40,038 Again. 1060 01:17:40,167 --> 01:17:42,362 (Giggling) 1061 01:17:42,487 --> 01:17:44,478 And... again. 1062 01:17:44,607 --> 01:17:46,598 - Hi! - Ah! 1063 01:17:46,727 --> 01:17:48,524 (Laughter) 1064 01:17:48,647 --> 01:17:50,603 (Man) Thank you. 1065 01:17:50,727 --> 01:17:52,843 (? BAXTER DURY: "Sister Sister") 1066 01:17:53,687 --> 01:17:57,805 ? Sister, sister, I don't feel well 1067 01:17:57,927 --> 01:18:00,919 ? Is there something wrong? 1068 01:18:03,167 --> 01:18:06,716 ? Are you just a junkie, too? 1069 01:18:08,127 --> 01:18:10,357 ? Too 1070 01:18:10,487 --> 01:18:14,605 ? Mother, mother I don't feel well 1071 01:18:14,727 --> 01:18:17,764 ? Is there something wrong? 1072 01:18:19,967 --> 01:18:23,960 ? Are you just as crazy, too 1073 01:18:24,967 --> 01:18:26,958 ? Too 1074 01:18:27,807 --> 01:18:32,198 ? Time and time again you'll think of me 1075 01:18:36,247 --> 01:18:41,275 ? As you spill my ashes on the floor 1076 01:18:44,647 --> 01:18:49,562 ? Time and time again you'll remember me 1077 01:18:51,527 --> 01:18:53,916 ? In this god... 1078 01:18:55,127 --> 01:18:58,119 ?... forsaken town 1079 01:19:00,967 --> 01:19:03,481 ? I... 1080 01:19:03,607 --> 01:19:06,724 ? Want to sleep with the stars 1081 01:19:10,447 --> 01:19:13,405 ? Die driving... 1082 01:19:13,527 --> 01:19:16,041 ?... cars 1083 01:19:16,167 --> 01:19:18,965 ? Wanna make you happy 1084 01:19:20,887 --> 01:19:23,037 ? Just don't wanna die 1085 01:19:24,647 --> 01:19:27,878 ? Wanna make you happy 1086 01:19:29,287 --> 01:19:31,926 ? Just don't wanna die 1087 01:19:49,847 --> 01:19:54,443 ? But I make you happy 1088 01:19:54,567 --> 01:19:56,683 ? Just don't wanna die 1089 01:19:58,247 --> 01:20:02,798 ? Gonna make you happy 1090 01:20:02,927 --> 01:20:05,122 ? Just don't wanna die 1091 01:20:06,687 --> 01:20:11,283 ? Gonna make you happy 1092 01:20:11,407 --> 01:20:13,398 ? Just don't wanna die 1093 01:20:15,007 --> 01:20:19,637 ? Gonna make you happy 1094 01:20:19,767 --> 01:20:22,122 ? Just don't wanna die ? 1095 01:21:34,887 --> 01:21:36,878 - Argh! - I got him! 1096 01:21:37,007 --> 01:21:39,646 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1097 01:21:39,767 --> 01:21:41,564 Whoa... Whoa! 1098 01:21:42,087 --> 01:21:45,716 (? "Sister Sister" continues playing) 1099 01:21:47,447 --> 01:21:50,439 DVD Subtitles by International Broadcast Facilities