1 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,757 And so, in retiring as president of this college, 2 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,709 it is indeed a painful task to bid you all goodbye. 3 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,429 And now, with the utmost pleasure, 4 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:17,436 may I present the man who is to guide the destiny of this great institution: 5 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:22,550 Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff! 6 00:01:28,641 --> 00:01:32,156 Professor, it is an honor to welcome you to Huxley College. 7 00:01:32,561 --> 00:01:34,836 Never mind that, hold this coat. 8 00:01:38,441 --> 00:01:41,035 By the way, there's no smoking. 9 00:01:41,441 --> 00:01:43,432 That's what you said. 10 00:01:46,561 --> 00:01:49,314 It would please the faculty if you would throw your cigar away. 11 00:01:49,721 --> 00:01:54,317 The faculty can keep their seats. There'll be no diving for this cigar. 12 00:01:55,522 --> 00:01:57,513 Members of the faculty, faculty members, 13 00:01:57,922 --> 00:01:59,719 students of Huxley and Huxley students! 14 00:02:00,122 --> 00:02:02,078 I guess that covers everything. 15 00:02:02,482 --> 00:02:04,757 I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech. 16 00:02:05,162 --> 00:02:09,041 Which reminds me of a story so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself. 17 00:02:09,442 --> 00:02:13,833 As I look at your faces, I understand why this college is flat on its back. 18 00:02:14,242 --> 00:02:18,394 At my last college, it was slightly different. I was flat on my back. 19 00:02:18,802 --> 00:02:21,122 Things went from bad to worse, but we all pulled together, 20 00:02:21,523 --> 00:02:23,798 and soon I was flat on my back again. 21 00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:26,319 Any questions? Any answers? 22 00:02:26,723 --> 00:02:29,635 Any rags? Any bones? Any bottles today? And rags... 23 00:02:30,043 --> 00:02:34,036 Let's have some action around here. Who'll say 76? Who'll say 1776? 24 00:02:34,443 --> 00:02:36,593 That's the spirit! 1776! 25 00:02:37,043 --> 00:02:38,874 You'd like to know why I'm here. 26 00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:41,353 I came here to get my son out. 27 00:02:41,763 --> 00:02:44,561 I remember the day he left: A mere boy and a beardless youth. 28 00:02:44,963 --> 00:02:48,843 I kissed them both goodbye. By the way, where is my son? 29 00:02:49,844 --> 00:02:53,041 Young lady, would you get up so I can see the son rise? 30 00:02:55,404 --> 00:02:59,875 So, doing your homework in school, eh? - Hello, old-timer! 31 00:03:00,284 --> 00:03:05,312 I'm sure the students would appreciate an outline of your future plans. 32 00:03:05,724 --> 00:03:09,683 What? - I said they would appreciate an outline of your future plans. 33 00:03:10,084 --> 00:03:13,281 You just said that. That's the trouble around here: Talk, talk, talk. 34 00:03:13,684 --> 00:03:17,519 I think I must go mad. Where will it all end? What is it getting you? 35 00:03:17,925 --> 00:03:20,678 Go home to your wife. No, I'll go home to your wife. 36 00:03:21,085 --> 00:03:23,455 Outside of the improvement, she'll never know the difference. 37 00:03:23,555 --> 00:03:27,273 Pull over to the side of the road and let me see your marriage licence. 38 00:03:27,685 --> 00:03:30,722 President Wagstaff, now that you have stepped into my shoes... 39 00:03:31,125 --> 00:03:33,480 Oh, is that what I stepped in? 40 00:03:33,885 --> 00:03:38,037 At least you could have cleaned them. - The trustees have a few suggestions. 41 00:03:38,445 --> 00:03:41,643 I think you know what the trustees can do with their suggestions. 42 00:03:43,366 --> 00:03:46,722 "I don't know what they have to say, it makes no difference anyway, 43 00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:49,242 Whatever it is, I'm against it. 44 00:03:50,006 --> 00:03:55,080 No matter what it is and who commenced it, I'm against it. 45 00:03:56,486 --> 00:04:00,559 Your proposition may be good, but let's have one thing understood. 46 00:04:00,966 --> 00:04:02,365 I'm against it! 47 00:04:02,766 --> 00:04:06,998 And even when you've changed it or condensed it, I'm against it. 48 00:04:08,727 --> 00:04:10,445 I'm opposed to it. 49 00:04:10,847 --> 00:04:12,997 On general principles opposed to it." 50 00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:18,237 "He's opposed to it. In fact it seems that he's opposed to it!" 51 00:04:21,487 --> 00:04:24,479 "For months before my son was born, I used to yell from night to morn: 52 00:04:24,887 --> 00:04:27,606 Whatever it is, I'm against it! 53 00:04:28,007 --> 00:04:32,797 And I've kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" 54 00:04:39,048 --> 00:04:43,121 "Knowing Dad as I do, I'd not advise you 55 00:04:43,528 --> 00:04:47,601 to displease him, or tease him. No, no! 56 00:04:48,008 --> 00:04:53,560 Don't double-cross him or toss him around. 57 00:04:54,768 --> 00:04:58,522 When dear old Dad once gets mad 58 00:04:58,928 --> 00:05:01,729 he's a hound!" 59 00:05:03,249 --> 00:05:05,843 "My son is right, I'm quick to fight, I'm from a fighting clan. 60 00:05:06,249 --> 00:05:09,605 When I'm abused or badly used, I always get my man. 61 00:05:12,009 --> 00:05:14,477 No matter if he's in Peru, Peduka or Japan, 62 00:05:14,889 --> 00:05:17,449 I go ahead, alive or dead, I always get my man." 63 00:05:17,849 --> 00:05:23,082 "He goes ahead, alive or dead, he always gets his man." 64 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,083 "I soon dispose of all of those who put me on the pan. 65 00:05:26,489 --> 00:05:29,960 As Shakespeare said to Nathan Hale: I always get my man." 66 00:05:58,451 --> 00:06:00,248 "He always gets his man!" 67 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:03,006 "That's what I said." - "He always gets his man!" 68 00:06:03,411 --> 00:06:05,925 "That's what I mean." - "He always gets his man!" 69 00:06:06,331 --> 00:06:11,007 "You're telling me?" - "He always gets his man!" - "Oh, are you listening?" 70 00:06:13,051 --> 00:06:15,519 "He gets his man! He gets his man!" 71 00:06:15,931 --> 00:06:18,206 "I always get, I always get, 72 00:06:18,611 --> 00:06:22,287 I always get, I always get, I always get, 73 00:06:22,892 --> 00:06:27,092 I always get my man!" 74 00:06:31,852 --> 00:06:34,730 Splendid, Professor! - Congratulations! - Thank you. 75 00:06:35,132 --> 00:06:39,444 Marvellous! - Alright scram, boys, I'll meet you in the barber shop. 76 00:06:43,172 --> 00:06:45,845 Dad, let me congratulate you. I'm proud to be your son. 77 00:06:46,252 --> 00:06:51,008 My boy, you took the words out of my mouth: I'm ashamed to be your father. 78 00:06:51,413 --> 00:06:54,413 You're a disgrace to the family name Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible. 79 00:06:54,813 --> 00:06:57,566 What's this about you fooling around with the college widow? 80 00:06:57,973 --> 00:07:00,806 No wonder you've been 12 years in the same college! 81 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,762 I went to 3 colleges in 12 years and fooled around with 3 widows. 82 00:07:05,173 --> 00:07:07,209 At your age I went to bed right after supper. 83 00:07:07,613 --> 00:07:11,492 Sometimes before supper. Or I went without supper, and didn't go to bed. 84 00:07:11,893 --> 00:07:15,091 A college widow stood for something in those days. She stood for plenty. 85 00:07:15,494 --> 00:07:18,884 There's nothing between me and her. - Then you're crazy to fool with her. 86 00:07:19,294 --> 00:07:22,047 But ... - I don't want to talk to you about this again, you snob! 87 00:07:22,454 --> 00:07:25,605 I'd horsewhip you, if I had a horse. You may go now. 88 00:07:26,014 --> 00:07:30,053 Leave your name with the girl outside. We'll be in touch with you. 89 00:07:30,454 --> 00:07:32,684 Where are you going? - You just told me to go. 90 00:07:33,094 --> 00:07:36,211 That's what they teach you here? I tell you to go and you leave me? 91 00:07:36,614 --> 00:07:39,651 You know you can't leave a school-room without raising your hand. 92 00:07:40,054 --> 00:07:43,172 This school has had a new president every year since 1888, 93 00:07:43,575 --> 00:07:45,327 when we won our last football game. 94 00:07:45,735 --> 00:07:48,932 I like education as well as the next man... - Then let me talk to him. 95 00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:53,613 ...but besides education, this college needs a good football team. 96 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:58,725 And for a good football team, you need good football players. - My boy, 97 00:07:59,135 --> 00:08:02,207 I think you've got something. I'll wait outside until you clean it up. 98 00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:06,130 One more question: Where do you get good football players? 99 00:08:06,535 --> 00:08:08,288 In the speakeasy... - In a speakeasy? 100 00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,416 Isn't that against the law, selling football players in a speakeasy? 101 00:08:11,856 --> 00:08:15,053 Two of the best players in the country hang out there. 102 00:08:15,456 --> 00:08:19,768 You suggest that I go there, without even giving me the address? 103 00:08:20,176 --> 00:08:22,929 42, Elm Street. But you can't go there, it isn't ethical. 104 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,533 It's not right for a college to buy football players. - It isn't, eh? 105 00:08:26,936 --> 00:08:31,088 Well, come on and we'll have a nip. Better still, you wait here. 106 00:08:31,496 --> 00:08:34,933 Anything further, Father? - "Anything further, Father?" That can't be right. 107 00:08:35,337 --> 00:08:38,374 Isn't it "Anything Father, further?" The idea! I married 108 00:08:38,777 --> 00:08:42,452 your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment with you! 109 00:08:44,777 --> 00:08:50,329 "And I kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" 110 00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:02,691 That's my proposition. How about it? 111 00:09:03,098 --> 00:09:05,612 It's OK with us, Mr. Jennings, but 112 00:09:06,018 --> 00:09:08,486 how are you gonna fix it? - Don't worry, it's fixed already. 113 00:09:08,898 --> 00:09:12,732 You'll be entered as Darwin students to play in the game against Huxley. 114 00:09:13,138 --> 00:09:16,972 Yeah, but how about the dough? - Here's a little to start with. 115 00:09:17,378 --> 00:09:20,609 You get the balance after the game. With you boys playing for Darwin, 116 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:26,012 Huxley can't win. - You said it! - Here's to dear old Darwin. 117 00:09:27,178 --> 00:09:29,056 Alright boys, let's go. 118 00:09:32,059 --> 00:09:34,175 Bye. - So long. 119 00:09:35,979 --> 00:09:36,979 Baravelli! 120 00:09:45,579 --> 00:09:46,579 Hello? 121 00:09:46,979 --> 00:09:50,813 Yes, lady, this is Baravelli, the ice man. What do you want? 122 00:09:51,219 --> 00:09:54,576 One quart of scotch, one quart of rye. 123 00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:57,619 Hold on, I see if I got 'em. 124 00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:01,255 One quart of scotch. 125 00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:03,378 One quart of rye. 126 00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:05,816 OK, lady, I send 'em right over. 127 00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:17,535 Hey, Baravelli! 128 00:10:23,741 --> 00:10:25,821 What do ya want? - Watch the door for a few minutes. 129 00:10:26,221 --> 00:10:28,610 And don't let anyone in without the password. 130 00:10:29,021 --> 00:10:31,455 What is it? - Swordfish is the password, right? 131 00:10:31,861 --> 00:10:34,329 OK, I got it. - Well, what is it? - Password. 132 00:10:34,741 --> 00:10:38,211 Swordfish! Swordfish. - Alright, swordfish! 133 00:10:43,341 --> 00:10:47,813 Who are you? - I'm fine. Who are you? - I'm fine, too. You need a password. 134 00:10:48,222 --> 00:10:51,180 Well, what is the password? - Oh no, you gotta tell me. 135 00:10:51,582 --> 00:10:54,301 I tell what I do, I give you three guesses. 136 00:10:55,142 --> 00:10:58,896 It's the name of a fish. - Is it Mary? 137 00:10:59,302 --> 00:11:02,100 That's no fish! - She isn't? She drinks like one. 138 00:11:02,502 --> 00:11:04,732 Let me see. Is it sturgeon? 139 00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:08,339 You crazy! A sturgeon, he's a doctor, cuts you open when you sick. 140 00:11:08,742 --> 00:11:11,495 You got one more chance. - I got it. Haddock. 141 00:11:11,902 --> 00:11:17,500 Funny, I gotta haddock too. - What do you take? - Sometimes calomel... 142 00:11:17,903 --> 00:11:21,259 I'd walk a mile for a calomel. - You mean chocolate calomel. Me too. 143 00:11:21,663 --> 00:11:23,540 But you no guess it. 144 00:11:25,103 --> 00:11:28,732 Hey, you no understand English? You only get in if you say swordfish. 145 00:11:29,143 --> 00:11:32,852 Now, I give you one more guess. - Swordfish... swordfish... 146 00:11:33,263 --> 00:11:37,051 I think I got it. Is it swordfish? - Ha! That's it! You guess it! 147 00:11:38,423 --> 00:11:41,461 Pretty good, eh? - Fine, you guess it... 148 00:11:43,424 --> 00:11:47,463 What do you want? - To come in. - Password? - You don't fool me! 149 00:11:47,864 --> 00:11:51,857 Swordfish. - No, I got tired of that. I changed it. 150 00:11:52,704 --> 00:11:56,822 What's the password now? - I forgot it. I better come outside. 151 00:12:09,305 --> 00:12:13,264 Buddy, can you help me out? I'd like to get a cup of coffee. 152 00:12:17,025 --> 00:12:19,016 Hey, here comes my partner. 153 00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:21,625 Hey, Pinky, 154 00:12:22,025 --> 00:12:23,936 do you know the password? 155 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:35,414 Get up. That's no way to go into a speakeasy. That's how you come out. 156 00:13:13,027 --> 00:13:15,257 Hey, what'll you have? 157 00:13:15,947 --> 00:13:18,097 He'll take a scotch. - Right. 158 00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:22,136 I got it! Swordfish. - Go outside and see if it works. 159 00:13:50,388 --> 00:13:51,946 Cut the cards. 160 00:13:56,909 --> 00:14:01,107 Now, to business. I'm looking for two football players who hang around here. 161 00:14:01,509 --> 00:14:03,977 We hang around here... - That's all I wanna know. 162 00:14:04,389 --> 00:14:07,381 Prof. Wagstaff from Huxley College. - That means nothing to me. 163 00:14:07,789 --> 00:14:10,349 Means nothing to me, either. I'll try it over again. 164 00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:12,740 I'm Prof. Huxley from Wagstaff College. 165 00:14:13,149 --> 00:14:15,105 You didn't stay at the other one long. 166 00:14:15,509 --> 00:14:19,900 Why don't you pull yourself to pieces? - I'll talk it over with my partner. 167 00:15:04,791 --> 00:15:08,670 In case I never see you again, what would you want to play football? 168 00:15:09,071 --> 00:15:12,063 First we want a football. - I don't know if we've got one. 169 00:15:12,471 --> 00:15:15,908 If we had, would you be interested? No rush, you can sleep on it. 170 00:15:16,312 --> 00:15:21,067 I no think I can sleep on a football. - Who's gonna settle for these drinks? 171 00:15:22,152 --> 00:15:27,351 You're stuck. - Can you cash a check for $15.22? - Sure. 172 00:15:33,912 --> 00:15:37,063 Five, ten, fifteen and twenty-two. 173 00:15:37,472 --> 00:15:42,627 As soon as I get the check, I'll send it to ya. Swordfish! 174 00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:50,144 Laura! - Good morning, Mr. Wagstaff. 175 00:15:50,553 --> 00:15:53,909 Am I too early? - No, shall I tell Miss Bailey you're here? - No, I will. 176 00:15:54,313 --> 00:15:57,908 Give me the tray. Would you open the door? 177 00:16:04,593 --> 00:16:06,265 Your breakfast, Madam. Anything else? 178 00:16:06,673 --> 00:16:10,462 Yes, put some cream in my coffee, and tell me where you've been. 179 00:16:10,874 --> 00:16:15,026 Busy arguing with Dad about you. How many? - Two. 180 00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:18,790 Well, what about me? - Dad wants me to give you up. 181 00:16:19,194 --> 00:16:21,310 You're interfering with my studies. 182 00:16:22,394 --> 00:16:26,273 He must think I'm terrible. - I think you're wonderful. Beautiful. 183 00:16:26,674 --> 00:16:29,586 Are you making love to me? - Why not? 184 00:16:29,994 --> 00:16:36,150 "Everyone says I love you, the cop on the corner and the burglar, too, 185 00:16:36,555 --> 00:16:42,152 the preacher in the pulpit and the man in the pew, says I love you. 186 00:16:44,075 --> 00:16:50,514 Everyone, no matter who, the folks over 80 and the kid of 2, 187 00:16:50,915 --> 00:16:56,672 the captain and the sailor and the rest of the crew, says I love you. 188 00:16:58,395 --> 00:17:02,389 There are only 8 little letters in this phrase, 189 00:17:03,116 --> 00:17:05,232 you will find, 190 00:17:05,636 --> 00:17:12,428 but they mean a lot more than all the other words combined. 191 00:17:12,836 --> 00:17:19,833 Everywhere the whole world through, the king and the peasant, too, 192 00:17:20,236 --> 00:17:25,993 The tiger in the jungle and the monk in the zoo, says I love you." 193 00:18:27,159 --> 00:18:31,914 Get that crate out of here! You think this is a picnic? 194 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:36,756 Blocking traffic, holding up cars... Who do you think you are? 195 00:18:42,199 --> 00:18:44,349 You know what I'm going to do to you? 196 00:18:44,759 --> 00:18:48,719 You're a wise guy, ain't you? Let go of that club! 197 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:51,270 You see that badge? 198 00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:41,230 And I say to you, gentlemen, that this college is a failure. 199 00:19:41,642 --> 00:19:46,716 Trouble is we're neglecting football for education. - You are right. 200 00:19:47,122 --> 00:19:50,159 No, I'm wrong. I was just testing you. 201 00:19:50,562 --> 00:19:53,440 Now I know I'm dealing with a couple of snakes. 202 00:19:53,842 --> 00:19:58,040 There's too much football, and not enough education. - I think so, too. 203 00:19:58,442 --> 00:20:02,276 Wrong again! If there was a snake here I'd apologize. 204 00:20:02,682 --> 00:20:04,559 Where would the college be without football? 205 00:20:04,962 --> 00:20:07,477 Have we got a stadium? - Yes. - And a college? - Yes. 206 00:20:07,883 --> 00:20:11,319 Well, we can't support both. Start tearing down the college. 207 00:20:11,723 --> 00:20:14,920 But where will the students sleep? - Same as always. In the classroom. 208 00:20:15,323 --> 00:20:18,395 Professor, the Dean of Science wants to know when he'll see you. 209 00:20:18,803 --> 00:20:21,078 He said he's tired of cooling his heels out here. 210 00:20:21,683 --> 00:20:24,561 Tell him I'm cooling a couple of heels in here. 211 00:20:24,963 --> 00:20:27,477 Now, where were we? Oh yes. 212 00:20:29,203 --> 00:20:32,878 How much am I paying you fellas? - 5,000. But we haven't been paid. 213 00:20:33,283 --> 00:20:38,278 In that case, I'll raise it to 8,000. And a bonus, for you and your dog. 214 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:41,793 The Dean's furious. He's waxing wroth! 215 00:20:42,204 --> 00:20:45,276 Is Wroth there, too? Tell him to wax the Dean for a while. 216 00:20:45,684 --> 00:20:48,676 Guess that's bad, eh? - One more thing, Professor. 217 00:20:49,084 --> 00:20:50,642 It's about your son. 218 00:20:51,404 --> 00:20:54,680 I'm afraid he's paying too little attention to his studies, 219 00:20:55,084 --> 00:20:57,473 and too much to Connie Bailey. 220 00:20:57,884 --> 00:21:00,399 I'll put a stop to that. I'll call her up right now. 221 00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:05,322 Either of you weasels got her number? - No. - Good thing I have. 222 00:21:07,845 --> 00:21:10,917 Get me Maine 4-9970 and reverse the charges. 223 00:21:11,325 --> 00:21:15,284 You may go now. Drop this in the mailbox on your way out. 224 00:21:16,285 --> 00:21:20,358 Hello, I want to speak to Miss Bailey. Is this Miss Bailey? 225 00:21:20,765 --> 00:21:23,962 Why, of course I know your son. 226 00:21:25,605 --> 00:21:29,599 Why, that's silly. We're just very good friends. 227 00:21:30,926 --> 00:21:33,121 Professor, I don't understand. 228 00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:36,040 You don't? Come over to my office. 229 00:21:36,446 --> 00:21:39,722 You're in bed? In that case, I'll come to your office. 230 00:21:55,127 --> 00:21:59,405 Where are your tongs? Looks like a tong war. 231 00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:03,321 No more ice until you pay the bill. 232 00:22:03,727 --> 00:22:06,924 How much do we owe you? - $2,000. - Just for ice? 233 00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:10,046 I can get an Eskimo for $200 and make my own ice. 234 00:22:20,368 --> 00:22:24,884 I tell you what: You owe us 200. We take 2,000 and call it square. 235 00:22:25,288 --> 00:22:30,123 I'll consult my lawyer. If he tells me to do it, I'll get a new lawyer. 236 00:22:30,528 --> 00:22:34,601 Forget about the money. Go to college, and get yourself a co-ed. 237 00:22:35,008 --> 00:22:38,796 I gotta co-ed last week for $18, a co-ed with two pairs of pants. 238 00:22:39,208 --> 00:22:42,917 Since when has a co-ed two pairs of pants? - Since I joined college. 239 00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:46,844 Baravelli, you've got the brain of a 4-year-old boy. 240 00:22:47,249 --> 00:22:50,241 Now that you're a college boy, here's your hat, 241 00:22:50,649 --> 00:22:53,163 your pennant, your coat. 242 00:22:58,889 --> 00:23:02,518 Report for football practice in the morning. Now, sign this agreement. 243 00:23:02,929 --> 00:23:06,888 There's nothing on this paper. - We'll fill in something later. 244 00:23:07,889 --> 00:23:12,280 Here, put your name on there. Gee, I didn't know you could write. 245 00:23:12,689 --> 00:23:15,443 Wait a minute, this isn't legal. There's no seal on it. 246 00:23:15,850 --> 00:23:19,286 Where's the seal? - Where's the seal? 247 00:23:26,810 --> 00:23:29,802 And thus we see that the function of the respiratory system 248 00:23:30,210 --> 00:23:33,202 is to transmit oxygen into the bloodstream, 249 00:23:33,610 --> 00:23:35,680 which is called osmosis... 250 00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:38,726 Have they started sawing a woman in half yet? 251 00:23:39,130 --> 00:23:42,168 Mr President, what a pleasure! What brings you here? 252 00:23:42,571 --> 00:23:46,883 A bicycle, but I left it in the hall. I brought you two dunces. 253 00:23:47,291 --> 00:23:50,089 Come in, dunces. Here they are, 10 cents a dunce. 254 00:23:53,851 --> 00:23:56,285 Well, all you need now is a bowl of cherries. 255 00:23:56,691 --> 00:23:59,410 Find yourselves a couple of seats. 256 00:24:07,692 --> 00:24:09,922 Now, let us go on with our lecture. 257 00:24:10,332 --> 00:24:12,721 I wish you'd go on without your lecture. 258 00:24:13,612 --> 00:24:18,766 What do you think of that slide? - I think he was safe at second. 259 00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:20,850 Now, the circulatory system! 260 00:24:21,372 --> 00:24:23,567 Here is the liver. 261 00:24:23,972 --> 00:24:26,964 What, no bacon? I'd send that back if I were you. 262 00:24:27,372 --> 00:24:30,603 The liver, if neglected, invariably leads to cirrhosis 263 00:24:31,012 --> 00:24:33,732 You are all familiar with the symptoms of cirrhosis. 264 00:24:34,133 --> 00:24:36,522 Sure! So roses are red, so violets are blue, 265 00:24:36,933 --> 00:24:38,889 so sugar is sweet, so so are you. 266 00:24:39,733 --> 00:24:41,644 I bet I know who it is. 267 00:24:42,053 --> 00:24:44,806 To protect the heart, or cardium, 268 00:24:45,213 --> 00:24:48,808 Mother Nature has provided a sac, called the pericardium. 269 00:24:49,213 --> 00:24:50,300 Any questions? 270 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,092 Yes. When you gonna cut the watermelon open? 271 00:24:54,453 --> 00:24:58,765 Psychopathically, the duodenum is in inverse ratio 272 00:24:59,173 --> 00:25:01,563 to the coordination of the palyphus. 273 00:25:01,974 --> 00:25:06,490 Is this stuff on the level, or are you just making it up as you go along? 274 00:25:06,894 --> 00:25:10,091 Why, everything I told you can be found in the simplest anatomy book. 275 00:25:10,494 --> 00:25:13,930 I'm sure my students will bear me out. - We'll bear you out. 276 00:25:19,694 --> 00:25:21,685 Let that be a lesson to all of you. 277 00:25:22,094 --> 00:25:24,483 This school will be here long after you're gone. 278 00:25:24,894 --> 00:25:26,726 That goes for you, too. 279 00:25:37,415 --> 00:25:39,645 Leave me alone! 280 00:25:43,335 --> 00:25:46,691 Let us follow a corpuscle on its journey. 281 00:25:47,175 --> 00:25:49,848 Oh, my mistake, I thought I was a corpuscle. 282 00:25:50,255 --> 00:25:53,328 There is constant warfare between the red and white corpuscles. 283 00:25:53,736 --> 00:25:57,046 Now, baboons, what is a corpuscle? - That's easy. 284 00:25:57,576 --> 00:26:00,932 There's a captain, then a lieutenant, then there's a corpuscle. 285 00:26:01,536 --> 00:26:06,291 That's fine. Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out. 286 00:26:07,496 --> 00:26:12,490 We now find ourselves among the Alps, simple people who eat rice and shoes. 287 00:26:12,896 --> 00:26:16,775 Beyond are more Alps, and the Lord Alps those who Alp themselves. 288 00:26:17,176 --> 00:26:20,374 The blood rushes from the head to the feet, gets a look at those feet, 289 00:26:20,777 --> 00:26:22,813 and rushes back to the head again. 290 00:26:23,217 --> 00:26:25,856 This is known as auction pinochle. 291 00:26:26,457 --> 00:26:30,370 We first listen to your hearts beat, and if your hearts beat anything 292 00:26:30,777 --> 00:26:33,814 but diamonds and clubs, your partner is cheating. Or your wife. 293 00:26:34,697 --> 00:26:36,972 Now take this point, for instance... 294 00:26:38,737 --> 00:26:40,967 That reminds me. Where's my son? 295 00:26:41,377 --> 00:26:44,847 Well, the human body takes many strange forms. 296 00:26:45,257 --> 00:26:47,055 Now, here is a most unusual organ. 297 00:26:47,458 --> 00:26:50,575 The organ will play a solo immediately after the feature picture. 298 00:26:51,698 --> 00:26:54,974 Scientists examine rats, or your landlord who won't cut the rent. 299 00:26:55,378 --> 00:26:57,209 And what do they find? Asparagus. 300 00:26:57,698 --> 00:26:59,734 Now, on closer examination... 301 00:27:00,938 --> 00:27:03,088 This needs closer examination. 302 00:27:03,498 --> 00:27:05,170 In fact, it needs a nightgown. 303 00:27:05,578 --> 00:27:08,012 Baravelli, who did this? Is this your picture? 304 00:27:08,618 --> 00:27:10,734 It doesn't look like me. - Well, take it away 305 00:27:11,138 --> 00:27:15,018 and hang it in my bedroom. Now, who did it? 306 00:27:16,299 --> 00:27:18,176 So you're the culprit. 307 00:27:18,579 --> 00:27:21,651 Young man, you can't burn the candle at both ends. 308 00:27:24,899 --> 00:27:27,936 Well, I was wrong. I thought it was a candle. 309 00:27:28,339 --> 00:27:31,137 Well, you must be punished. You stay after school. 310 00:27:31,539 --> 00:27:33,291 But I didn't do anything. 311 00:27:33,699 --> 00:27:37,214 I know, but there's no fun keeping him after school. 312 00:27:37,739 --> 00:27:39,731 Now, we'll have no more interruptions. 313 00:27:40,460 --> 00:27:44,658 According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of 314 00:27:45,060 --> 00:27:46,060 phagocytes... 315 00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:54,378 According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of 316 00:27:54,780 --> 00:27:55,780 er, phagocytes... 317 00:28:00,620 --> 00:28:02,338 According to von... 318 00:28:02,820 --> 00:28:04,333 According to von Steinmetz... 319 00:28:08,621 --> 00:28:12,296 According to von Steinmetz, a group of white phagocytes is present. 320 00:28:14,141 --> 00:28:19,295 And they are essential to prolonging life. 321 00:28:21,141 --> 00:28:24,019 My left wing has been turned, my rear end has been cut off. 322 00:28:24,421 --> 00:28:28,937 But I'll fight it out on these lines... They got me! 323 00:28:36,982 --> 00:28:38,051 Hello. 324 00:28:38,462 --> 00:28:40,498 Oh, it's you, Frank. 325 00:28:42,142 --> 00:28:44,940 Why, of course, I'd love to have you come over. 326 00:28:45,342 --> 00:28:47,936 Alright, I'll be expecting you then. 327 00:28:48,342 --> 00:28:50,298 Goodbye, darling. 328 00:28:50,702 --> 00:28:54,741 Who are you calling "darling"? - Frank Wagstaff, the professor's son. 329 00:28:55,142 --> 00:28:59,260 I didn't tell you to fall for him, just to find out about his team. 330 00:28:59,663 --> 00:29:01,654 He says Huxley will win. 331 00:29:02,063 --> 00:29:06,056 I've got my bankroll bet on Darwin, and I'm taking no chances. 332 00:29:06,463 --> 00:29:08,693 Before the game starts I'll have the Huxley signals. 333 00:29:09,103 --> 00:29:11,901 Down the hatch and on my way. 334 00:29:16,303 --> 00:29:17,303 See you later. 335 00:29:18,663 --> 00:29:20,096 Bye, dear. 336 00:29:35,464 --> 00:29:38,900 Are you still here. - I just came in. 337 00:29:40,424 --> 00:29:44,656 What do you mean, am I still here? - I mean, are you hear already? 338 00:29:45,064 --> 00:29:48,898 I shouldn't be here. The old man gave me a terrible bawling out. 339 00:29:49,304 --> 00:29:53,139 Don't worry about him, he'll never know you were here. 340 00:29:53,545 --> 00:29:57,254 How about a little drink? - Alright, I'll get you one. - Please! 341 00:30:12,505 --> 00:30:13,904 Are you Miss Bailey? 342 00:30:14,305 --> 00:30:17,741 Come, come, one of us is! - I'm Miss Bailey, and who are you? 343 00:30:18,145 --> 00:30:20,899 I'm Prof. Wagstoff. Who are you? - Miss Bailey! 344 00:30:21,306 --> 00:30:24,423 Then you are Miss Bailey. Thought you could fool me. 345 00:30:24,826 --> 00:30:26,782 You've got to give my son up. - Give him up? 346 00:30:27,186 --> 00:30:31,498 He's all I've got, apart from a picture of George Washington. 347 00:30:31,906 --> 00:30:36,343 But... - Lies! He's a shell of his former self, which nobody can deny. 348 00:30:36,746 --> 00:30:38,976 I tell you you're ruining him. 349 00:30:39,786 --> 00:30:43,096 Did he tell you that you have beautiful eyes? - Why, yes. 350 00:30:43,506 --> 00:30:45,576 Told me that, too. Tells everyone! 351 00:30:45,986 --> 00:30:49,866 I could sit on your lap all day if you didn't stand up. 352 00:30:50,467 --> 00:30:53,220 Quick, get out! That door. 353 00:31:00,867 --> 00:31:03,062 I don't want any ice. 354 00:31:15,388 --> 00:31:19,666 Who was that? - The ice man. - You can't pull the wool over my ice. 355 00:31:20,668 --> 00:31:22,465 The ice man leaves me cold. 356 00:31:23,188 --> 00:31:25,099 Here you are... - So, I caught you at last. 357 00:31:25,508 --> 00:31:28,818 You are fooling around with her. Oh, the shame of it. 358 00:31:29,228 --> 00:31:33,141 A son taking a dame from his father. - Dad... - Enough, get out of here! 359 00:31:33,548 --> 00:31:38,178 I'll settle with this woman, then we'll have you to dinner. Let's go. 360 00:31:38,588 --> 00:31:39,908 Follow me. 361 00:31:45,909 --> 00:31:48,662 Be a lamp in the window for my wandering boy. 362 00:31:50,589 --> 00:31:52,545 Where were we? Oh yes, I was on your lap. 363 00:31:52,949 --> 00:31:55,509 And doing pretty well, as I recall it. 364 00:31:57,469 --> 00:32:00,029 Hurry, get out! Hurry! 365 00:32:00,629 --> 00:32:04,702 And remember, stay undercover. - I've more students in the college. 366 00:32:08,150 --> 00:32:09,299 You dropped your ice. 367 00:32:09,710 --> 00:32:12,668 I don't want any ice! - Neither do I. 368 00:32:17,390 --> 00:32:19,381 Now do you want any ice? - No! 369 00:32:19,790 --> 00:32:21,826 Oh, you're beautiful. 370 00:32:24,990 --> 00:32:29,063 You're overcoming me. - Thanks for reminding me. 371 00:32:29,470 --> 00:32:32,223 I like you. You got something. 372 00:32:32,630 --> 00:32:34,826 I'm gonna tell him he's crazy. 373 00:32:43,111 --> 00:32:45,102 Professor, what are you doing here? 374 00:32:45,511 --> 00:32:47,627 Nothing, since you came in. 375 00:32:48,031 --> 00:32:51,421 You know him? - He put me on the football team. 376 00:32:51,831 --> 00:32:54,743 Now I just have to get him off the couch. 377 00:32:55,271 --> 00:32:57,262 Read any good books lately? 378 00:33:09,552 --> 00:33:11,986 This must be the main highway. 379 00:33:14,032 --> 00:33:17,502 Follow me, I've been doing this all day. 380 00:33:21,952 --> 00:33:25,547 Pretty popular place. - Yeah, a hot dog stand would clean up. 381 00:33:25,952 --> 00:33:29,707 What are you doing here? - Me? I'm the music teacher. 382 00:33:30,113 --> 00:33:32,343 Since when? - Since you came in. 383 00:33:32,753 --> 00:33:36,462 And you? - I'm the plumber. In case something goes wrong with her pipes. 384 00:33:36,873 --> 00:33:38,704 I haven't used that joke for 20 years. 385 00:33:39,113 --> 00:33:41,673 Take a deep breath and follow me. 386 00:33:53,314 --> 00:33:56,033 Cosy place we have here. 387 00:34:04,754 --> 00:34:07,222 You sing high, eh? - I have a falsetto voice. 388 00:34:07,634 --> 00:34:10,068 My last pupil, she gotta false set of teeth. 389 00:34:10,474 --> 00:34:12,510 So maybe it's better you don't sing. 390 00:34:12,914 --> 00:34:15,474 That's much better. I'll sing. 391 00:34:15,874 --> 00:34:17,990 "Everyone says I love you, 392 00:34:18,394 --> 00:34:20,625 the big mosquito when he sting you, 393 00:34:21,035 --> 00:34:25,153 the fly when he's stuck on the fly paper, too, says I love you. 394 00:34:26,475 --> 00:34:30,753 Every time the cow says "moo", she's making the bull very happy too, 395 00:34:31,155 --> 00:34:36,149 and the rooster when he holler cock-a-doodly-doo, says I love you. 396 00:34:36,875 --> 00:34:41,585 Christopher Columbo, he write the Queen of Spain a nice little note, 397 00:34:41,995 --> 00:34:47,309 he say how I love you, then he get a great big boat. He's a wise guy. 398 00:34:47,716 --> 00:34:52,551 What you think Columbo do, when he's coming here in 1492, 399 00:34:52,956 --> 00:34:58,314 He says to Pocahontas, atch-a catchy coo, which means I love you!" 400 00:34:59,196 --> 00:35:02,427 Maybe it's better I don't sing, too. - Yes. - Alright, I'll play. 401 00:35:03,956 --> 00:35:08,905 I love good music. - So do I, let's get out of here. - Sit down. 402 00:35:09,516 --> 00:35:14,716 I've got to stay here. But you folks can go into the lobby till it's over. 403 00:36:21,319 --> 00:36:25,107 Well, that's all for the first lesson. Next week I teach you how to breathe. 404 00:36:25,519 --> 00:36:27,430 Don't breathe before then. 405 00:36:28,519 --> 00:36:30,908 If this is a singing lesson, I'm a ring-tailed monkey. 406 00:36:31,319 --> 00:36:33,993 Keep your family out of it. Baravelli! - What? 407 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,675 Are you going my way? - Yes. - Then I'm staying here. 408 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:42,313 No you don't. And if I find you here again, it'll be curtains. 409 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:46,351 Tell my son to take that lamp down. 410 00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:57,360 Dad! 411 00:36:57,720 --> 00:36:59,961 You've got the wrong football players. - The whole team? 412 00:37:00,201 --> 00:37:03,113 No, Baravelli and the dog catcher. 413 00:37:03,521 --> 00:37:06,513 But I got them in the speakeasy. - You got the wrong ones. 414 00:37:06,921 --> 00:37:10,596 The ones I told you about are playing for Darwin. - Send for Baravelli. 415 00:37:11,001 --> 00:37:14,357 Don't leave a stone unturned. He's probably under one. 416 00:37:19,441 --> 00:37:20,715 Baravelli! 417 00:37:23,521 --> 00:37:26,753 ...2671, 57, 84, 59, 71... 418 00:37:28,762 --> 00:37:32,471 What are you doing in there? - I'm practising secret signals. 419 00:37:34,442 --> 00:37:35,670 Come on out. 420 00:37:36,082 --> 00:37:39,154 What do you want? - You can fix it for our team to win. - Oh no, 421 00:37:39,562 --> 00:37:44,397 I want to play. - Alright, but listen. I want two Darwin players kidnapped. 422 00:37:44,802 --> 00:37:48,875 Have you any experience in kidnapping? - You bet. You know what I do? 423 00:37:49,282 --> 00:37:52,001 First I call them up, then I send them my chauffeur. 424 00:37:52,403 --> 00:37:54,394 What kind of a car you got? 425 00:37:54,803 --> 00:37:57,112 I no got a car, just a chauffeur. 426 00:37:57,523 --> 00:38:00,595 But when you have a chauffeur, aren't you supposed to have a car? 427 00:38:01,003 --> 00:38:05,679 Well, I had, but it cost too much, so I sold the car. 428 00:38:06,083 --> 00:38:08,836 I would have kept the car. 429 00:38:09,243 --> 00:38:12,758 I gotta have a chauffeur to take me to work in the morning. 430 00:38:13,163 --> 00:38:15,040 How can he take you to work? 431 00:38:15,443 --> 00:38:17,559 He don't have to. I no gotta job. 432 00:38:17,963 --> 00:38:23,038 That's it. How much would you want to stand in front of a firing squad? 433 00:38:24,564 --> 00:38:29,592 Now just a minute, boys. I didn't come here to fight. 434 00:38:30,124 --> 00:38:33,321 You have to, I've taken my coat off. - I wanna talk to Baravelli. 435 00:38:33,724 --> 00:38:35,077 You wouldn't mind stepping out? 436 00:38:35,964 --> 00:38:38,114 I'd love to, but I have to see the girl first. 437 00:38:38,524 --> 00:38:42,483 I've got a proposition. - Watch out, he's nearly as crooked as you. 438 00:38:43,324 --> 00:38:44,916 Let's go in here. 439 00:38:49,845 --> 00:38:52,439 I want you to do something for me. - I'm busy. 440 00:38:52,845 --> 00:38:56,235 We gotta kidnap a couple of players from the Darwin team. 441 00:38:56,645 --> 00:38:59,603 Is that so? You don't mean McHardie and Mullen? 442 00:39:00,005 --> 00:39:03,441 Sounds like it. But the fellas I mean are Mullen and McHardie. 443 00:39:03,845 --> 00:39:08,361 Let me give you a tip. The boys live at 39 Hanley Street. 444 00:39:08,765 --> 00:39:11,757 Thanks! - Now, I want you to do something for me. 445 00:39:12,165 --> 00:39:14,361 What do you want? - Listen, 446 00:39:14,766 --> 00:39:18,361 give me the signals, and this 500 bucks is yours. 447 00:39:18,766 --> 00:39:19,766 Alright. 448 00:39:20,726 --> 00:39:22,637 Here's the signals. 449 00:39:24,446 --> 00:39:27,040 Want a minute, these are Darwin's signals. 450 00:39:27,446 --> 00:39:29,914 You think I'd give you 500 dollars for Darwin's signals? 451 00:39:30,326 --> 00:39:33,762 They cost me 200. I gotta make a little profit. 452 00:42:52,774 --> 00:42:55,447 Listen, you gotta get busy and get those football signals. 453 00:42:55,854 --> 00:43:00,644 I thought you were going to get them. - I wouldn't be asking you then. 454 00:43:01,054 --> 00:43:05,206 You just have to get to the professor. He's got the Huxley signals. 455 00:43:05,614 --> 00:43:08,412 And I'm depending on you to get them. 456 00:43:08,814 --> 00:43:12,251 Yes, but how? - You know how. 457 00:43:12,655 --> 00:43:15,089 Romance him, baby, romance him. 458 00:43:15,495 --> 00:43:19,852 And remember, all you're to get is the football signals. 459 00:43:35,095 --> 00:43:38,292 "Everyone says I love you, 460 00:43:38,696 --> 00:43:42,325 but just what they say it for, I never knew, 461 00:43:42,736 --> 00:43:49,130 it's just inviting trouble for the poor sucker who says I love you. 462 00:43:51,376 --> 00:43:54,891 Take a pair of rabbits who 463 00:43:55,296 --> 00:43:59,050 get stuck on each other and begin to woo, 464 00:43:59,456 --> 00:44:06,693 and pretty soon you find a million more rabbits who say I love you. 465 00:44:08,017 --> 00:44:15,970 When a lion gets feeling frisky and begins to roar, 466 00:44:16,377 --> 00:44:24,170 there's another lion who knows just what he's roaring for. 467 00:44:24,577 --> 00:44:32,212 Everything that ever grew, the goose and the gander and the gosling too, 468 00:44:32,618 --> 00:44:37,487 the duck upon the water, when he feels that way too, says..." 469 00:44:39,098 --> 00:44:41,658 That's a wise quack. You keep your bill out of this. 470 00:44:42,058 --> 00:44:45,016 How would you like it if I butted into your affairs? 471 00:44:51,498 --> 00:44:54,695 This is my first time in a canoe since I saw "The American Tragedy." 472 00:44:55,098 --> 00:44:57,851 You're perfectly safe, Professor, in this boat. 473 00:44:58,258 --> 00:45:01,376 I was going to get a flat bottom, but the boat girl didn't have one. 474 00:45:01,939 --> 00:45:07,138 I could go on like this drifting and dreaming for ever. 475 00:45:07,539 --> 00:45:09,689 What a day. Spring in the air! 476 00:45:10,099 --> 00:45:12,818 Who, me? And fall in the lake? 477 00:45:13,219 --> 00:45:15,414 Professor, you're full of whimsy. 478 00:45:15,819 --> 00:45:20,370 Can you tell from there? I'm always like that after radishes. 479 00:45:24,699 --> 00:45:27,851 Is that important? - Is it important? 480 00:45:28,540 --> 00:45:30,417 Those are the football signals. 481 00:45:31,100 --> 00:45:33,295 I've got a duplicate in my pocket. 482 00:45:33,700 --> 00:45:37,534 I always carry two of everything. This is my first date with one woman. 483 00:45:37,940 --> 00:45:40,659 You mean you take two girls out every time? 484 00:45:41,060 --> 00:45:44,257 I hate to see a girl walk home alone. 485 00:45:44,660 --> 00:45:48,175 You know, Professor, I've never seen football signals. 486 00:45:48,580 --> 00:45:51,971 You think a little girl like me could understand them? 487 00:45:52,381 --> 00:45:54,941 I think you could understand anything. 488 00:45:55,341 --> 00:45:58,174 Is the big stwong man gonna show liddle icky baby 489 00:45:58,581 --> 00:46:01,334 all about the bad football signals? 490 00:46:02,341 --> 00:46:06,175 Was that you or the duck? If it was you, I'm with the duck. 491 00:46:06,581 --> 00:46:09,254 If icky baby don't learn about the football signals, 492 00:46:09,661 --> 00:46:11,697 icky baby gonna cry. 493 00:46:12,101 --> 00:46:13,773 If icky girl keep talking that way, 494 00:46:14,181 --> 00:46:18,254 big stwong man gonna kick all her teef in. 495 00:46:18,662 --> 00:46:20,653 Naughty man is only fooling! 496 00:46:21,062 --> 00:46:23,496 Just for that I'm coming over 497 00:46:23,902 --> 00:46:28,020 to smother him in kisses. - You couldn't make that onions? 498 00:46:30,622 --> 00:46:33,341 Oh, so that's your game. 499 00:46:35,622 --> 00:46:38,500 Professor Wagstaff! 500 00:46:38,902 --> 00:46:42,372 Just call me Quincy. And later you can call me Quince. 501 00:46:42,782 --> 00:46:45,661 Throw me the lifesaver! 502 00:46:46,543 --> 00:46:49,057 Please hurry, Professor. 503 00:46:56,943 --> 00:46:58,820 39. This is it! 504 00:47:05,783 --> 00:47:08,695 Hello. Yeah, this is McHardie. 505 00:47:10,423 --> 00:47:12,255 So they're coming right over? 506 00:47:12,664 --> 00:47:14,973 OK, we'll take care of them. 507 00:47:15,704 --> 00:47:19,936 Jennings says Baravelli and the dog catcher are coming to kidnap us 508 00:47:20,344 --> 00:47:22,699 to keep us out of the game. 509 00:47:27,024 --> 00:47:29,936 This is the place. Now how we gonna catch 'em? 510 00:47:30,544 --> 00:47:33,342 No, that's for flies. Baseball players catch flies. 511 00:47:33,744 --> 00:47:36,417 We look for football players. You bring the tools? 512 00:47:36,824 --> 00:47:40,579 You got the shovel, the axe and the pick? Where's the pick? 513 00:47:41,185 --> 00:47:43,699 No, that's no pick. That's a hog. 514 00:47:44,105 --> 00:47:46,255 Don't you know what a hog is? 515 00:47:46,665 --> 00:47:50,260 Oh, come on, let's get busy. We gotta kidnap those players. 516 00:47:53,345 --> 00:47:54,903 Mullen und McHardie? 517 00:47:55,305 --> 00:47:58,422 That's us. What can we do for you? - You got a brother? 518 00:47:58,825 --> 00:48:01,293 No. - You got a sister? - Yeah. 519 00:48:01,705 --> 00:48:04,139 She's a very sick man. You better come with us. 520 00:48:04,705 --> 00:48:06,776 What happened to her? 521 00:48:07,186 --> 00:48:08,858 She crash her automobile. 522 00:48:09,266 --> 00:48:13,305 She has no automobile. - Then she fell off a horse. We drive you there. 523 00:48:13,706 --> 00:48:16,618 You will? I have no sister. 524 00:48:17,026 --> 00:48:20,177 That's alright. We gotta no car. Come on. 525 00:48:20,586 --> 00:48:23,259 You think you're gonna take us for a ride? 526 00:48:23,666 --> 00:48:26,499 This is gonna take a long time. 527 00:48:28,506 --> 00:48:30,497 Try one at a time. 528 00:48:36,307 --> 00:48:38,138 Didn't work, eh? 529 00:48:39,147 --> 00:48:40,739 Get tough. 530 00:48:42,667 --> 00:48:44,623 Get tough with the other one. 531 00:48:46,507 --> 00:48:48,338 Get tough with both of them. 532 00:48:48,787 --> 00:48:50,266 Tougher! 533 00:49:02,028 --> 00:49:04,781 Now you're getting someplace. 534 00:49:09,948 --> 00:49:12,223 You better think of something else. 535 00:49:16,508 --> 00:49:19,068 I'm exhausted, too. 536 00:49:20,028 --> 00:49:22,906 Maybe you fellas got an idea? - I'll say we do. 537 00:49:23,348 --> 00:49:25,340 Where's that rope, Ed? 538 00:49:26,189 --> 00:49:27,189 Get 'em, Ed! 539 00:49:38,069 --> 00:49:41,106 Hey guys, we'll let you know how the game comes out. 540 00:49:42,829 --> 00:49:44,865 Now they've kidnapped us! 541 00:49:45,269 --> 00:49:48,261 That's a fix-a fine we're in. How we gonna get out? 542 00:49:48,669 --> 00:49:50,944 I got an idea. You got a rope? 543 00:49:52,830 --> 00:49:56,027 That's fine. Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. 544 00:49:56,430 --> 00:49:59,263 Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. 545 00:50:01,670 --> 00:50:02,670 Hey! 546 00:50:03,870 --> 00:50:06,987 What you do? You no tie on the bed. 547 00:50:07,390 --> 00:50:09,540 No, I mean a-tie the rope. 548 00:50:09,950 --> 00:50:11,941 Now what you gonna do? 549 00:50:16,150 --> 00:50:19,587 You crazy! That's a-no good. How we gonna get out? 550 00:50:21,551 --> 00:50:23,781 You wanna break-a my neck? 551 00:50:25,991 --> 00:50:29,700 Don't worry, Mr. Jennings, everything's working out fine. 552 00:50:30,111 --> 00:50:34,343 Alright. That game's in the bag. See ya later. 553 00:50:36,471 --> 00:50:39,941 Wonder what the two mugs are doing up there? 554 00:51:12,913 --> 00:51:17,429 Our little playmates, just in time for a cup of tea. 555 00:51:17,833 --> 00:51:22,748 We got no cups. See ya after the game. Come on, Pinky. - No yuh don't! 556 00:51:24,673 --> 00:51:29,383 Take off your coat. Come on. Off with your shirt. 557 00:51:29,793 --> 00:51:31,590 Quit stallin' 558 00:51:32,033 --> 00:51:34,866 Now take off your pants. - I got a date, nothing doing. 559 00:51:52,434 --> 00:51:53,628 You too! 560 00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:56,549 Take that coat off. 561 00:51:58,354 --> 00:52:02,188 Stand over there, you. Come on, Ed, let's take their clothes. 562 00:52:08,035 --> 00:52:09,035 So, 563 00:52:09,235 --> 00:52:12,432 if you boys'll excuse us, we'll run along and play football. 564 00:52:12,835 --> 00:52:16,669 Tune in on the radio if you want to know how the game's going. 565 00:52:19,115 --> 00:52:22,187 I'll send my sister over to keep you company. 566 00:52:26,995 --> 00:52:29,190 Gee, I guess it's locked. 567 00:52:49,996 --> 00:52:51,509 Boy, what a pretty play. 568 00:52:51,916 --> 00:52:55,591 Darwin's just got a fourth touchdown and the crowd is going wild. 569 00:52:55,996 --> 00:52:58,875 There seems to be no stopping Mullen and McHardie. 570 00:52:59,277 --> 00:53:01,188 Two minutes left to play in the first quarter, 571 00:53:01,597 --> 00:53:04,953 and what a lacing the Huxley team is getting. 572 00:53:10,717 --> 00:53:12,992 HcHardie has the ball and he's breaking through. 573 00:53:23,037 --> 00:53:25,268 I guess we made a grand slam. 574 00:54:00,039 --> 00:54:01,677 Pinky, hurry up. 575 00:54:02,079 --> 00:54:05,230 Come on, we still got time to play. 576 00:54:09,639 --> 00:54:13,314 Fine kidnappers you are. The fellas you kidnapped were here before you. 577 00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:16,631 Look: 12 to nothing. Fat lot you care. 578 00:54:17,039 --> 00:54:21,033 Know what it means if Huxley loses? Shame, disgrace, humiliation! 579 00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:24,637 And you're crazy if you don't play the ace. Come on, fight! 580 00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:28,392 No, no, no, no! Get in that game! 581 00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:33,191 Listen, you butter-fingered milksops! 582 00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:37,434 The way you're playing, you couldn't beat a girls' basketball team. 583 00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:41,037 We're going to have to use our star play No. 37, 584 00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:44,956 where the quarterback makes a lateral pass to the right guard... 585 00:54:45,361 --> 00:54:48,398 Dad! - Wait a minute! Boys, if you can't beat that bunch of... 586 00:54:48,801 --> 00:54:51,201 Dad! - What do you want? - You're talking to the wrong team. 587 00:54:51,641 --> 00:54:54,951 I know I am, but our team wouldn't listen to me. 588 00:54:57,721 --> 00:55:02,033 Which way you going? - Out there. - Drop me off at the 40-yard line. 589 00:55:06,641 --> 00:55:08,313 Where's your number? 590 00:55:13,562 --> 00:55:18,431 Boy, play like you did last time. I bet five dollars on the other team. 591 00:55:34,162 --> 00:55:36,153 Ready? - OK. 592 00:55:36,562 --> 00:55:37,962 Let's go! 593 00:55:45,763 --> 00:55:47,435 Here comes Prof. Wagstaff. 594 00:55:47,843 --> 00:55:49,723 Will you say something? - I will if you get up. 595 00:55:50,083 --> 00:55:53,871 Professor Wagstaff will tell you all about the game. 596 00:55:54,283 --> 00:55:58,356 Some football game. I wish you were here. Instead of me. 597 00:55:58,763 --> 00:56:01,994 Last week, I told you Mrs. Moskowitz was expecting a blessed event. 598 00:56:02,403 --> 00:56:06,477 Last night Mrs Moskowitz had twins. OK, Mr. Moskowitz! 599 00:56:07,924 --> 00:56:10,154 Thank you, Professor. - It was nothing at all. 600 00:56:20,484 --> 00:56:23,123 The boys are back in the field, they're lined up, 601 00:56:23,524 --> 00:56:25,355 Huxley is about to kick off, 602 00:56:25,764 --> 00:56:27,641 and there they go! 603 00:56:44,565 --> 00:56:45,634 Pardon me. 604 00:56:59,166 --> 00:57:02,124 That'll teach him to pass a lady without tipping his hat. 605 00:57:12,486 --> 00:57:16,365 Hey, you wanna get hurt? We're gonna throw a forward pass. 606 00:57:16,766 --> 00:57:22,762 Signal: 18, 72, forward pass, eenie, meenie, miney, mo. 607 00:57:28,007 --> 00:57:30,475 Pinky, what are you doing here? 608 00:57:33,127 --> 00:57:36,164 That tackle will cost you 15 yards. 609 00:57:36,567 --> 00:57:39,639 You're supposed to tackle the man with the ball, understand? 610 00:57:44,487 --> 00:57:46,443 Hey, idiot, where's that ball? 611 00:57:46,847 --> 00:57:50,078 Look, he's got the mumps. - Give me that ball. 612 00:57:50,487 --> 00:57:51,762 Give me it. 613 00:58:03,248 --> 00:58:07,878 Ain't deaf over there. - Signal: 18, 42, 56 and run. Hup! 614 00:58:13,888 --> 00:58:15,287 Bring that back! 615 00:58:36,929 --> 00:58:40,399 Signal: 85, 29, 78. Hup! 616 00:58:51,410 --> 00:58:53,241 Come on, boys. 617 00:58:54,410 --> 00:58:58,005 Jumping anaconda! Is there a doctor in the stands? 618 00:58:58,410 --> 00:59:01,800 Yes, I'm a doctor. - How do you like the game, doc? 619 00:59:10,130 --> 00:59:12,520 Come back for me in five minutes. 620 00:59:16,331 --> 00:59:20,165 Fancy seeing you here. It's a small world after all. 621 00:59:29,171 --> 00:59:31,002 Why weren't you in the last scrimmage? 622 00:59:31,411 --> 00:59:34,483 I'm sitting this one out. - What are you doing with that cigar? 623 00:59:34,891 --> 00:59:38,680 You know another way to smoke it? - Get on your feet. 624 00:59:40,452 --> 00:59:43,524 Don't look now, but I think I see the chemistry prof. 625 00:59:43,932 --> 00:59:45,968 Up there with the janitor's wife. 626 00:59:47,332 --> 00:59:49,129 Here, have a cigar. 627 00:59:52,732 --> 00:59:53,732 Signal. 628 00:59:53,932 --> 00:59:57,561 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Professor Wagstaff gets the ball. 629 01:00:12,333 --> 01:00:14,244 Have you got it, boys? - OK! 630 01:00:18,133 --> 01:00:20,089 Hey, bring that ball in here. 631 01:00:33,374 --> 01:00:34,932 There goes the ball. 632 01:00:40,454 --> 01:00:42,922 Go on, Pinky. Make a home run. 633 01:00:51,054 --> 01:00:56,447 Gee, Pinky, you made a touchdown. Are you tired? That's marvellous. 634 01:01:22,335 --> 01:01:25,851 I forgot your phone number. - Where's that ball? 635 01:01:28,376 --> 01:01:29,855 Here it is. Come on, 636 01:01:30,256 --> 01:01:32,975 get off that ball. You're holding up the game. 637 01:01:41,016 --> 01:01:46,329 Signal: Uno, duo, tre, vendi, this-a time we go left endi. 638 01:02:01,817 --> 01:02:03,569 Nice work, Pinky. 639 01:02:09,697 --> 01:02:12,450 Signal: Hi diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, 640 01:02:12,857 --> 01:02:15,929 this time I think we go through the middle. 641 01:02:27,138 --> 01:02:28,969 Hey, you're running the wrong way. 642 01:02:58,539 --> 01:03:05,570 We are gathered together here to join this man and this woman in matrimony. 643 01:03:05,979 --> 01:03:10,291 Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? - I do. 644 01:03:10,965 --> 01:03:15,774 Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? - We do.