1
00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:09,921
[gentle music]
2
00:00:26,062 --> 00:00:29,315
[Al] Life is like a parody
of your favorite song.
3
00:00:29,482 --> 00:00:31,985
Just when you think
you know all the words,
4
00:00:32,152 --> 00:00:36,281
surprise, you don't
know anything.
5
00:00:36,448 --> 00:00:37,699
[siren blaring]
6
00:00:37,866 --> 00:00:41,661
[shouting]
7
00:00:41,828 --> 00:00:43,538
[doctor]
Clear the way, clear the way!
8
00:00:43,705 --> 00:00:44,622
[nurse] Clear!
9
00:00:44,789 --> 00:00:46,166
[nurse 2]
Shut that door, please!
10
00:00:48,126 --> 00:00:49,627
[electric shock jolting]
11
00:00:52,547 --> 00:00:53,590
[doctor] Clear!
12
00:00:53,757 --> 00:00:55,967
[monitor flat lining]
13
00:00:57,093 --> 00:00:59,304
Dammit. Dammit!
14
00:01:02,724 --> 00:01:04,309
All right, nurse, let's call it.
15
00:01:05,977 --> 00:01:08,146
Time of death: 7:30...
16
00:01:08,313 --> 00:01:10,315
[screaming]
17
00:01:10,482 --> 00:01:13,276
[panting] Quick!
18
00:01:13,443 --> 00:01:15,779
I need some paper,
and a number two pencil.
19
00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:18,865
[Al] But... maybe I'm getting
a little ahead of myself.
20
00:01:19,032 --> 00:01:21,659
[video rewinding]
21
00:01:23,912 --> 00:01:26,664
Why don't we start
back at the beginning.
22
00:01:26,831 --> 00:01:28,958
[radio static crackling]
23
00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:32,087
[radio announcer] All gabardine
suits are now 30% off.
24
00:01:32,253 --> 00:01:33,922
[radio static crackling]
25
00:01:34,089 --> 00:01:36,007
[sports commentator]
Jenkins in to the windup,
26
00:01:36,174 --> 00:01:38,009
and the three-two fastball
is in the...
27
00:01:38,176 --> 00:01:39,803
[radio static crackling]
28
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:41,554
[reporter] President Nixon
is on board Air...
29
00:01:41,554 --> 00:01:43,348
[radio static crackling]
30
00:01:43,515 --> 00:01:48,186
[whimsical music]
♪ Dr. Demento, Dr. Demento ♪
31
00:01:48,353 --> 00:01:52,899
[Dr. Demento] Whoo-whoo-whoo,
wind up your radio!
32
00:01:53,066 --> 00:01:56,277
It's time for
The Dr. Demento Show,
33
00:01:56,444 --> 00:02:01,866
two hours of mad music
and crazy comedy
34
00:02:02,033 --> 00:02:04,744
- from out of the archives...
- [Mary] Alfy!
35
00:02:04,911 --> 00:02:07,205
What have we told you
about listening to that garbage?
36
00:02:07,372 --> 00:02:09,291
But Mom, it's Dr. Demento.
37
00:02:09,458 --> 00:02:11,085
It's my favorite show
in the whole world.
38
00:02:11,252 --> 00:02:12,920
It's going to rot your brain.
39
00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:14,839
You're lucky your father wasn't
here to catch you, mister.
40
00:02:14,839 --> 00:02:17,049
You know how he feels
about that kind of music.
41
00:02:17,216 --> 00:02:18,884
Yes, I know.
42
00:02:22,513 --> 00:02:26,142
All right. Now go on,
go get washed up.
43
00:02:26,308 --> 00:02:28,144
Dinner will be ready
in a few minutes.
44
00:02:29,603 --> 00:02:31,272
[soft music]
45
00:02:34,024 --> 00:02:35,901
[humming]
46
00:02:47,371 --> 00:02:48,622
[sighs]
47
00:03:09,518 --> 00:03:12,521
Alfy, aren't you going to ask
your father how his day was?
48
00:03:12,688 --> 00:03:15,316
Um, how was your day, Dad?
49
00:03:17,776 --> 00:03:19,361
What, how was my day?
50
00:03:20,863 --> 00:03:23,032
We had another fatality
down at the factory.
51
00:03:23,199 --> 00:03:25,117
Oh, God, real grisly
one this time.
52
00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:27,745
It was that McKinley kid
that started last week.
53
00:03:27,912 --> 00:03:29,747
I kept telling him
to stop messing around
54
00:03:29,914 --> 00:03:33,667
by that industrial shredder,
but he just wouldn't listen.
55
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,544
I would've reached
out and grabbed him,
56
00:03:35,711 --> 00:03:39,173
but I already lost one hand
to that cursed machine.
57
00:03:41,467 --> 00:03:44,261
Well, anyway, there's an opening
down on the factory floor.
58
00:03:44,428 --> 00:03:46,138
Maybe I could pull a few strings
59
00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:48,057
and you could spend the summer
working with your old man.
60
00:03:48,057 --> 00:03:49,558
How's that sound?
61
00:03:49,725 --> 00:03:51,685
Um, no thank you.
62
00:03:51,852 --> 00:03:53,270
"No, thank you."
63
00:03:53,437 --> 00:03:55,231
Well, you're gonna have to learn
sooner or later,
64
00:03:55,231 --> 00:03:58,817
that factory, that factory
will make a man outta you.
65
00:03:58,984 --> 00:04:00,694
But I don't wanna work
at the factory.
66
00:04:00,861 --> 00:04:02,321
I wanna make songs.
67
00:04:02,488 --> 00:04:07,701
What? You wanna make songs?
Did you hear that, Mary?
68
00:04:07,868 --> 00:04:10,579
We got a regular Bing Crosby
on our hands, don't we?
69
00:04:10,746 --> 00:04:12,248
Nick, you're embarrassing him.
70
00:04:12,414 --> 00:04:15,626
Oh, am I? Why don't you sing
us a little ditty, Bing, huh?
71
00:04:15,793 --> 00:04:18,254
Such a little songbird.
Sing one for us.
72
00:04:23,425 --> 00:04:27,346
♪ Amazing grapes ♪
73
00:04:27,513 --> 00:04:30,808
♪ How sweet the juice ♪
74
00:04:30,975 --> 00:04:35,312
♪ It tastes so good to me... ♪
75
00:04:35,479 --> 00:04:38,691
Stop, stop! What in God's name
are you doing?
76
00:04:38,857 --> 00:04:40,526
Those aren't the right words.
77
00:04:40,693 --> 00:04:43,237
I know. I made 'em better.
78
00:04:43,404 --> 00:04:46,407
By changing the lyrics
to a well-known song?
79
00:04:46,573 --> 00:04:49,660
No, boy, what you're doing
is confusing and evil.
80
00:04:49,827 --> 00:04:51,245
My God, and I will not have
81
00:04:51,412 --> 00:04:53,747
that kind of blasphemy
in my own home.
82
00:04:53,914 --> 00:04:55,374
But Dad...
83
00:04:55,541 --> 00:04:57,668
What has gotten
into you, Alfred?
84
00:04:57,835 --> 00:05:00,129
Hmm? With the songs
and the crazy magazines?
85
00:05:00,296 --> 00:05:03,090
That is all gonna stop now,
young man!
86
00:05:03,257 --> 00:05:04,967
Honey, I know it's
hard to hear this,
87
00:05:05,134 --> 00:05:08,679
but your dad and I
had a long talk
88
00:05:08,846 --> 00:05:11,890
and we agreed it would be best
for all of us
89
00:05:12,057 --> 00:05:14,601
if you would just stop
being who you are
90
00:05:14,768 --> 00:05:16,353
and doing the things you love.
91
00:05:17,855 --> 00:05:19,815
You don't understand me!
92
00:05:21,692 --> 00:05:22,860
[door slams]
93
00:05:27,281 --> 00:05:29,116
[Al]
It was a few weeks later
94
00:05:29,283 --> 00:05:31,285
when a mysterious stranger
showed up at my door
95
00:05:31,452 --> 00:05:34,914
and changed my life forever.
96
00:05:35,874 --> 00:05:37,125
[doorbell rings]
97
00:05:37,292 --> 00:05:38,877
[Nick]
Alfy, get the door.
98
00:05:41,296 --> 00:05:42,881
Why, good afternoon, sir.
99
00:05:43,048 --> 00:05:44,424
The gentleman of the house,
I take it?
100
00:05:44,424 --> 00:05:47,177
Well, congratulations.
Today is your lucky day.
101
00:05:47,344 --> 00:05:50,680
How would you like to be
the envy of all of your friends
102
00:05:50,847 --> 00:05:52,599
and the most popular
fellow in town?
103
00:05:52,766 --> 00:05:55,143
Well, everything you
need to make that happen...
104
00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:57,145
is right here in this box.
105
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,735
Um, my dad is actually...
106
00:06:03,902 --> 00:06:06,446
- Voila.
- [epic music]
107
00:06:06,613 --> 00:06:07,947
Feast your eyes.
108
00:06:09,824 --> 00:06:15,580
Have you ever seen
such a gorgeous instrument?
109
00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:21,169
Better yet, try it on.
110
00:06:24,881 --> 00:06:26,716
Son, when you play
the accordion,
111
00:06:26,883 --> 00:06:28,760
you are a one-man band.
112
00:06:28,927 --> 00:06:31,471
You are the life of every party.
113
00:06:32,305 --> 00:06:35,225
Go ahead, son,
tickle those ivories.
114
00:06:35,392 --> 00:06:39,145
[horrible accordion noise]
115
00:06:41,189 --> 00:06:42,649
A natural talent.
116
00:06:44,442 --> 00:06:46,444
Son, you cannot squander that.
117
00:06:46,611 --> 00:06:49,239
You have got to buy this beauty,
and I guarantee it,
118
00:06:49,406 --> 00:06:51,741
you are gonna have girls
lined up around the corner.
119
00:06:51,908 --> 00:06:53,284
You're gonna need a lifeguard
120
00:06:53,451 --> 00:06:55,870
because you're gonna be
drowning in so much p...
121
00:06:56,037 --> 00:06:58,581
Hey! What's going on?
122
00:06:58,748 --> 00:07:00,667
And hello to you, sir.
123
00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:02,710
What are you doing in my house?
124
00:07:02,877 --> 00:07:04,671
And why is my
innocent young child
125
00:07:04,838 --> 00:07:06,464
wearing that
devil's squeeze box?
126
00:07:06,631 --> 00:07:07,715
That's actually our newest...
127
00:07:07,882 --> 00:07:09,384
I thought I told you to shut up!
128
00:07:09,551 --> 00:07:11,803
[glass breaking]
129
00:07:11,970 --> 00:07:13,930
I don't remember you telling me
to shut up before,
130
00:07:14,097 --> 00:07:16,099
but if you're telling me now,
I will gladly...
131
00:07:16,266 --> 00:07:17,934
[grunting]
132
00:07:18,101 --> 00:07:20,770
[groaning]
133
00:07:20,937 --> 00:07:22,313
Dad!
134
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,983
- [chair breaking]
- Ah!
135
00:07:26,818 --> 00:07:29,028
[punches landing]
136
00:07:29,195 --> 00:07:31,072
Dad, stop! You're killing him!
137
00:07:32,198 --> 00:07:33,700
Nick? Oh Nick, oh Nick!
138
00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:37,078
No, Nick! Hey!
Nicky, stop it right now!
139
00:07:37,245 --> 00:07:39,080
You made me do this, boy.
140
00:07:39,247 --> 00:07:40,832
You brought this evil
into the house.
141
00:07:40,999 --> 00:07:41,791
And now look at you.
142
00:07:41,958 --> 00:07:43,543
Look at you.
143
00:07:43,710 --> 00:07:48,006
Take that devilish monstrosity
off this very instant.
144
00:07:48,173 --> 00:07:50,258
I don't wanna see you
ever wearing it again!
145
00:07:50,425 --> 00:07:52,760
Nick, why don't you go
take a little walk?
146
00:07:52,927 --> 00:07:54,721
I think you'd better cool off.
147
00:07:54,888 --> 00:07:57,515
- Yeah. Yeah.
- [gurgling]
148
00:07:57,682 --> 00:08:01,227
I could use some fresh air
because it stinks in here.
149
00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:05,231
[groaning]
150
00:08:11,154 --> 00:08:14,324
I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
151
00:08:14,491 --> 00:08:18,870
I'll be right here.
[coughs, sputters]
152
00:08:21,122 --> 00:08:22,832
Mister, I'm so sorry about this.
153
00:08:22,999 --> 00:08:25,668
My husband, he just has
a little bit of a temper,
154
00:08:25,835 --> 00:08:27,921
but he is a good man
and he means well,
155
00:08:28,087 --> 00:08:31,549
but anyway,
if you're amenable to it,
156
00:08:31,716 --> 00:08:34,344
we'd like to buy that accordion.
157
00:08:34,511 --> 00:08:36,346
Mom! You mean it?
158
00:08:36,513 --> 00:08:38,640
How do you feel about
an early Christmas present?
159
00:08:38,806 --> 00:08:41,351
Yes! This is
the best thing ever!
160
00:08:41,518 --> 00:08:43,144
Thank you so much!
161
00:08:44,938 --> 00:08:46,231
There's just one thing.
162
00:08:50,276 --> 00:08:55,782
No one can see you playing it,
especially your father.
163
00:08:55,949 --> 00:08:58,953
This is our secret.
Do you understand me?
164
00:09:01,288 --> 00:09:06,377
Mom... does Dad hate me?
165
00:09:06,544 --> 00:09:10,589
No, of course not, sweetie.
166
00:09:10,756 --> 00:09:13,842
Then why is he always
so hard on me?
167
00:09:15,761 --> 00:09:18,180
Listen, you're too young
to understand now,
168
00:09:18,347 --> 00:09:22,351
but just trust me,
your father has his reasons.
169
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:26,272
[sputtering] I think
I have a collapsed lung.
170
00:09:26,438 --> 00:09:29,775
We're trying to have
a conversation here, sir.
171
00:09:30,859 --> 00:09:33,445
[Al] For the next few years,
I kept to myself
172
00:09:33,612 --> 00:09:35,906
and tried my best
to please Mom and Dad,
173
00:09:36,073 --> 00:09:39,868
but deep down,
I felt like I was living a lie.
174
00:09:40,035 --> 00:09:42,871
Sure. I was well-behaved,
I got good grades,
175
00:09:43,038 --> 00:09:47,001
but I never let anyone know
the real me.
176
00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:51,046
Hey, Yankovic, you going to that
party at Hofstadter's tonight?
177
00:09:51,213 --> 00:09:54,550
- His parents are out of town.
- Ah, geez, guys, I don't know.
178
00:09:54,717 --> 00:09:56,677
I'm not really allowed
to go to parties.
179
00:09:56,844 --> 00:09:58,470
You don't need to have
your parents' permission.
180
00:09:58,637 --> 00:09:59,555
Just sneak out.
181
00:09:59,722 --> 00:10:01,432
I-I don't think I can.
182
00:10:01,599 --> 00:10:03,684
My mom always tucks me in,
in case I have night terrors.
183
00:10:03,684 --> 00:10:05,185
[scoffs] You have night terrors?
184
00:10:05,352 --> 00:10:07,354
No, I... You know, just in case.
185
00:10:07,521 --> 00:10:10,274
Well, just use a hay boy, then.
186
00:10:10,441 --> 00:10:12,818
A hay boy? What's that?
187
00:10:12,985 --> 00:10:14,153
You don't know
what a hay boy is?
188
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,446
[scoffs]
189
00:10:15,613 --> 00:10:17,573
Oh, dude, you've got
a lot to learn.
190
00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:20,993
Just let us handle everything.
We'll pick you up tonight.
191
00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:23,954
Okay, yeah.
192
00:10:26,749 --> 00:10:28,042
[Mary] Night-night, Alfy.
193
00:10:28,208 --> 00:10:30,794
Don't let the bed bugs
give you night terrors.
194
00:10:36,258 --> 00:10:38,636
[polka music]
195
00:10:40,638 --> 00:10:42,514
[indistinct party chatter]
196
00:10:48,937 --> 00:10:51,273
I mean, Myron Floren
is great and all,
197
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,691
Lawrence Welk sure likes him,
198
00:10:52,858 --> 00:10:55,611
but he's way too overexposed.
199
00:10:55,778 --> 00:10:59,406
For my money,
it's Whoopee John Wilfahrt
200
00:10:59,573 --> 00:11:02,117
that really gets me just
hoppin' and steppin'.
201
00:11:02,284 --> 00:11:05,120
I'm all about that
Minnesota sound, man.
202
00:11:05,287 --> 00:11:08,207
- [gasps] Look what I found!
- Hey, hey!
203
00:11:08,374 --> 00:11:10,709
Hey, you didn't tell me that
this was gonna be a polka party.
204
00:11:10,876 --> 00:11:13,671
- What, do you not like polka?
- No, I like it, it's...
205
00:11:13,837 --> 00:11:16,674
My parents would kill me
if they knew I was here, okay?
206
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,175
I'm so, so sorry, guys.
207
00:11:18,342 --> 00:11:19,968
I-I-I gotta go.
I can't... I can't be here, man.
208
00:11:19,968 --> 00:11:21,970
Come on, Al. Live a little!
209
00:11:22,137 --> 00:11:23,472
What's the worst
that could happen?
210
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:25,057
You might actually
let your guard down
211
00:11:25,057 --> 00:11:26,809
and enjoy your life for once?
212
00:11:26,975 --> 00:11:29,061
[polka music continues]
213
00:11:32,189 --> 00:11:35,317
Yeah, yeah, I can...
let my guard down.
214
00:11:35,484 --> 00:11:36,777
[music stops]
215
00:11:36,944 --> 00:11:38,946
[polka music resumes]
216
00:11:39,988 --> 00:11:42,950
Hey... and sorry.
217
00:11:45,869 --> 00:11:49,540
Hey, everybody,
look what I found!
218
00:11:49,707 --> 00:11:51,709
[laughs]
219
00:11:51,875 --> 00:11:53,544
Dude, pass it here. Pass it.
220
00:11:54,169 --> 00:11:56,630
[playing "Chopsticks"]
221
00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:02,594
- Okay, dude. Okay.
- [laughter]
222
00:12:02,761 --> 00:12:04,054
Al, here. You gotta try this.
223
00:12:04,221 --> 00:12:05,973
Oh, no. No, no, thanks.
I'm good.
224
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:07,558
Al's afraid his mommy and daddy
225
00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:09,476
are gonna find out
he tried an accordion.
226
00:12:09,643 --> 00:12:11,061
[laughter]
227
00:12:11,228 --> 00:12:13,856
I just don't wanna play, okay?
Just, just lay off me, man!
228
00:12:14,022 --> 00:12:16,316
["The Chicken Dance" playing]
229
00:12:16,483 --> 00:12:18,694
No, guys...
230
00:12:18,861 --> 00:12:20,446
- [clapping]
- I'm not gonna...
231
00:12:23,825 --> 00:12:25,410
[clapping]
232
00:12:25,577 --> 00:12:28,121
I'm not... I'm not... I'm not...
233
00:12:29,164 --> 00:12:30,415
[clapping]
234
00:12:30,582 --> 00:12:34,210
Okay. Yeah, sure.
I'll play, yeah.
235
00:12:34,377 --> 00:12:36,921
- [clapping]
- [laughter]
236
00:12:42,927 --> 00:12:46,139
[fast, proficient polka music]
237
00:13:07,702 --> 00:13:10,079
[cheering]
238
00:13:17,295 --> 00:13:20,131
- It's the cops! Everyone, run!
- [sirens]
239
00:13:20,298 --> 00:13:22,467
[overlapping shouting]
240
00:13:26,888 --> 00:13:29,057
I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am,
241
00:13:29,224 --> 00:13:33,561
but I'm afraid we found your son
at a polka party.
242
00:13:33,728 --> 00:13:35,563
He was playing an accordion.
243
00:13:35,730 --> 00:13:38,191
That's impossible. Alfy's in...
244
00:13:38,358 --> 00:13:41,236
A hay boy?! Really?
245
00:13:42,737 --> 00:13:45,657
What did I do to deserve this,
huh? Huh?
246
00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:47,826
It's like I don't even
know you anymore, Al.
247
00:13:47,992 --> 00:13:49,369
[Al] You want me to be like you.
248
00:13:49,536 --> 00:13:50,870
Look at me,
I'm nothing like you.
249
00:13:51,037 --> 00:13:52,413
You want me to work
that factory.
250
00:13:52,580 --> 00:13:54,916
Okay, I don't even know
what you make down there.
251
00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:56,376
You just call it the factory.
252
00:13:56,543 --> 00:13:58,294
You will find out what
we make at the factory
253
00:13:58,461 --> 00:13:59,754
when you work at the factory!
254
00:13:59,921 --> 00:14:03,383
Well, it's my life,
and I wanna make music
255
00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:05,093
and I wanna play the accordion.
256
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:06,594
Ah, hogwash!
257
00:14:06,761 --> 00:14:11,057
And I'm good. I'm really,
really good!
258
00:14:11,224 --> 00:14:14,143
How did you get good at
playing the accordion, huh? Huh?
259
00:14:14,310 --> 00:14:16,312
It certainly wasn't
under my roof, was it?
260
00:14:16,479 --> 00:14:19,065
What'd you do, sneak out
and practice in the woods
261
00:14:19,232 --> 00:14:20,525
in the middle of the night?
262
00:14:20,692 --> 00:14:24,696
No. I played it here, quietly.
263
00:14:26,447 --> 00:14:28,241
Yeah, I play in the closet.
264
00:14:30,368 --> 00:14:33,371
But I'm not a closet
accordion player anymore.
265
00:14:33,538 --> 00:14:35,164
It feels good!
266
00:14:39,294 --> 00:14:41,045
The closet, you say?
267
00:14:44,424 --> 00:14:46,050
Hmm...
268
00:14:46,217 --> 00:14:48,386
No-no-no. Dad, Dad, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, Dad.
269
00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:50,471
No-no-no. You're not going...
It's not in there.
270
00:14:50,638 --> 00:14:52,348
You're not gonna find
anything in there.
271
00:14:52,515 --> 00:14:54,225
Dad, what are you doing?
No, no, Dad... No-no-no-no...
272
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:55,727
Dad, no. Dad, please.
273
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:56,811
- Uh-huh?
- Stop, stop.
274
00:14:56,978 --> 00:14:58,813
- Boy.
- Stop. Stop it.
275
00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:01,149
- Boy, this...
- Please, Dad. Please! No-no-no!
276
00:15:01,316 --> 00:15:02,650
This is for your own good, boy.
277
00:15:02,817 --> 00:15:04,569
No, I need this, I need this...
278
00:15:04,736 --> 00:15:07,405
[yells]
279
00:15:07,572 --> 00:15:08,865
[crashing]
280
00:15:09,032 --> 00:15:10,617
No!
281
00:15:12,368 --> 00:15:15,038
No, no, no, no, no!
282
00:15:15,204 --> 00:15:18,166
You... You think you're
gonna stop me from playing?
283
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,585
You'll see.
One day I'm gonna be the best...
284
00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:23,212
Well, perhaps not technically
the best,
285
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:26,549
but arguably the most
famous accordion player
286
00:15:26,716 --> 00:15:29,761
in an extremely specific
genre of music.
287
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:31,095
I'll show you.
288
00:15:32,347 --> 00:15:33,932
I'll show everybody!
289
00:15:35,016 --> 00:15:36,184
[Nick] Get out!
290
00:15:39,103 --> 00:15:40,688
- Good riddance!
- [door slams]
291
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,988
[soft music]
292
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:51,784
[Al] Things at home never
got any better after that.
293
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,370
But within a few years,
I graduated
294
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:57,665
and I was able to move out
and live on my own.
295
00:15:57,831 --> 00:16:00,626
Well, with three other guys
in a dirt-cheap apartment,
296
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:04,421
but the point is, I didn't
have to answer to anybody.
297
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,465
- Hey, hey.
- Howdy.
298
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,717
[Al] Now I'd have a chance
to find others
299
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:11,345
who would truly understand me.
300
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:14,431
I could find my people.
301
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,520
[accordion music]
302
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,355
♪ Beat on the brat
Beat on the brat ♪
303
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,565
♪ Beat on the brat
With a baseball bat ♪
304
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,443
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh-ho ♪
305
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,573
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh-ho ♪
306
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,200
- Okay.
- ♪ Hey! ♪
307
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,869
♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪
308
00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:39,248
- Okay, that's enough. Thanks.
- Mm.
309
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:42,459
Yeah. Very... very interesting.
310
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:46,463
So... we'll let you know, okay?
311
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:50,467
Great. Um, when?
312
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,053
Right now. You didn't make it.
313
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:57,224
[men snicker]
314
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,353
This sucks.
315
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,356
It's the fifth audition I've
been kicked out of this week.
316
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,943
It's almost like nobody wants an
accordion player in their band.
317
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,737
That just doesn't
make any sense.
318
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,613
Yeah. Accordions are cool.
319
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,991
That's the problem
with being on the bleeding edge.
320
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,285
You gotta wait for the rest of
the world to catch up with you.
321
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,412
I don't have time to wait.
322
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,539
If nobody wants to have me
in their group,
323
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,541
I'm just gonna have
to go it on my own.
324
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,460
Don't worry,
it's gonna happen for you.
325
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,628
You just gotta hang in there.
We got your back.
326
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:29,923
Thanks, Bermuda. All you guys.
You've just been so great.
327
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:32,843
You really get me.
It is such a difference
328
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,012
after living with my folks
for so long.
329
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:37,222
Yeah. And you know, the best
part of moving away from home
330
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:40,517
is you can do anything you want.
Hook up with girls...
331
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:41,935
Get high all the time.
332
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,937
Yeah, I mean, literally
anything.
333
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:45,272
There are no rules.
334
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,565
[Steve] Just last night,
I was driving
335
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:49,401
down the wrong side of the 101
with my eyes closed,
336
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,112
not knowing whether I was
gonna live to see another day
337
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:55,783
or die in a horrible,
fiery wreck.
338
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,284
Suck on that, Mom and Dad.
339
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,244
- Yeah. You get it, Steve.
- You go, Steve.
340
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,537
Oh, wow, Steve.
341
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:01,872
What about you, Al?
342
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,707
What's something you always
wanted to do,
343
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,125
but you were never allowed to?
344
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,094
Make up new words
to a song that already exists.
345
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,682
Oh, well, you should
do that, then.
346
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,142
[Steve] Absolutely.
347
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:23,769
Yeah. Why don't you
do it right now?
348
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,229
Go on.
Make up something brilliant.
349
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:27,147
No, guys, it's not that easy.
350
00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:29,608
I gotta wait
for inspiration to strike,
351
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,903
and I'm pretty sure that well
dried up a long time ago.
352
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:35,072
Oh, well, if you're not
gonna write us a song,
353
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:36,824
why don't you make us
some sandwiches?
354
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,201
Oh, yeah, dude, I'm starving.
355
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:42,579
[all chant]
Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich!
356
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,998
Okay, okay, okay.
Guys, I'm on it.
357
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:46,333
Jim, you wanna put on
some tunes?
358
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,417
Yeah.
359
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,670
[static crackling]
360
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,922
["My Sharona" by
The Knack on radio]
361
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,683
Oh, Steve? This bologna
has your name on it.
362
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,184
- Can we?
- Uh, yeah, sure.
363
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,478
Just open up a package
of my bologna.
364
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,982
♪ Ooh, you make my motor run
My motor run ♪
365
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:13,111
♪ Gun it comin'
Off of the line, Sharona ♪
366
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:16,573
♪ Never gonna stop, give it up
Such a dirty mind ♪
367
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:20,118
♪ I always get it up for
The touch of the younger kind ♪
368
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:26,124
♪ My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-M-M-My Sharona ♪
369
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:29,544
♪ Whoo!
M-M-M-My Sharona ♪
370
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:33,381
♪ Whoo!
M-M-M-My Sharona, whoo! ♪
371
00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:37,010
Is this DJ asleep?
The record keeps skipping.
372
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,512
Hey! Wake up.
373
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:43,474
♪ Whoo!
M-M-M-My Sharona, whoo! ♪
374
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:46,060
- ♪ M-M-M-My Sharona ♪
- [quietly] ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
375
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:49,355
- ♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
- ♪ Whoo! M-M-M-My Sharona ♪
376
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,359
Al?
377
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,904
[whispers]
♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
378
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,326
♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
379
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,412
You okay?
380
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:16,507
♪ Ooh, my little hungry one
Hungry one ♪
381
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:20,553
♪ Open up a package
Of my bologna ♪
382
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,352
♪ Ooh, I think the toast
Is done ♪
383
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:28,686
♪ The toast is done ♪
384
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:32,357
♪ Top it with a little
Of my bologna ♪
385
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,820
Where did that come from?
386
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,239
Dude, I've got chills.
387
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,157
I don't know, it just
came out of me.
388
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,910
I've never heard anything
like that before in my life.
389
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,203
You have to record that.
390
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:46,829
Record it? No, come on, guys.
391
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,915
Al, you've got something here.
392
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:52,710
I don't know if it comes
from God or the devil,
393
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,462
but the world needs to hear it.
394
00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:56,839
No, forget it, guys.
395
00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:58,841
I don't have the money
for a recording studio.
396
00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:01,094
I think the bathroom
at the bus station
397
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,096
has pretty good acoustics.
398
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,807
["My Bologna" playing]
399
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,269
Yeah, sounds good in here.
400
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,646
You can put it right there,
that works.
401
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:16,609
♪ Ooh, my little hungry one
Hungry one ♪
402
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,195
♪ Open up a package
Of my bologna ♪
403
00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:20,738
♪ Ooh, I think the toast
Is done ♪
404
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:22,573
♪ The toast is done ♪
405
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:24,867
♪ Top it with a little
Of my bologna ♪
406
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,953
♪ Never gonna stop, eat it up ♪
407
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,871
♪ Such a tasty snack
I always eat too much ♪
408
00:21:29,038 --> 00:21:30,206
♪ And throw up
But I'll soon be back ♪
409
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:33,876
♪ For my my my-yi-yi, whoo! ♪
410
00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:39,007
♪ M-M-M-My bologna
M-m-m-my bologna, hey! ♪
411
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:44,887
[accordion music continues]
412
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,060
[cheering]
413
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:57,066
[accordion music continues]
414
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,986
[cheering]
415
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:01,988
[belches] All right.
416
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:05,158
Just mailed the tape
off to Captain Buffoon.
417
00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:06,659
Now, I guess, all I gotta do is
418
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:09,162
sit back and wait
to become famous.
419
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:12,915
[scoffs] Yeah, I don't think
that's quite how it works, Al.
420
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:16,002
Nobody becomes famous overnight.
That's a myth.
421
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,129
Sometimes it takes years,
422
00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:20,173
decades of hard work
to get noticed.
423
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,342
- What?
- Look, I believe in you.
424
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,510
I know it's gonna
happen for you someday,
425
00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,971
but you can't just mail your
tape off to some disc jockey
426
00:22:27,138 --> 00:22:29,015
and expect to instantly
become a sensation.
427
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:31,142
Man, why can't I catch a break?
428
00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:36,482
[Captain Buffoon] Captain
Buffoon on your radio dial.
429
00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:38,650
No, I'm not making this up...
430
00:22:38,817 --> 00:22:40,986
I just received this tape
in the mail a few minutes ago,
431
00:22:41,153 --> 00:22:44,198
and what can I say?
It's an instant sensation!
432
00:22:44,365 --> 00:22:45,574
It's already the number one
433
00:22:45,741 --> 00:22:47,409
most-requested song of the week,
434
00:22:47,576 --> 00:22:49,453
and we're playing
it all day long.
435
00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:53,624
So, here it is, once again,
Al Yankovic with My Bologna!
436
00:22:53,791 --> 00:22:57,127
[all yelling]
437
00:22:58,921 --> 00:23:01,715
- [grunting, slapping]
- Again!
438
00:23:03,467 --> 00:23:06,011
♪ Ooh, my little hungry one
Hungry one ♪
439
00:23:06,178 --> 00:23:07,721
♪ Open up a package... ♪
440
00:23:07,888 --> 00:23:09,348
You know what this means, right?
441
00:23:09,515 --> 00:23:11,767
You gotta get yourself
a record deal.
442
00:23:11,934 --> 00:23:14,228
[both screaming]
443
00:23:14,395 --> 00:23:16,605
♪ Never gonna stop, eat it up ♪
444
00:23:16,772 --> 00:23:18,524
♪ Such a tasty snack
I always eat too much ♪
445
00:23:18,690 --> 00:23:20,109
♪ And throw up
But I'll soon be back ♪
446
00:23:20,275 --> 00:23:23,445
♪ For my, my, my-yi-yi, whoo! ♪
447
00:23:23,612 --> 00:23:26,156
♪ M-M-M-My bologna ♪
448
00:23:26,323 --> 00:23:28,534
♪ M-M-M-My bologna, hey! ♪
449
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:31,912
[accordion music continues]
450
00:23:44,091 --> 00:23:45,801
I've heard enough.
451
00:23:49,054 --> 00:23:51,557
And what did you think?
452
00:23:51,723 --> 00:23:54,893
Do you know why they call it
the "music business"?
453
00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:56,937
Uh, why?
454
00:23:57,104 --> 00:23:58,188
Because it's a business.
455
00:23:58,355 --> 00:23:59,606
It's a business!
456
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:01,150
[Tony] Use your head, kid.
457
00:24:01,316 --> 00:24:03,569
Nobody wants to hear
a parody song
458
00:24:03,735 --> 00:24:06,530
when they can hear the real
thing for the same price.
459
00:24:06,697 --> 00:24:08,282
[stammers] What's the point?
460
00:24:08,449 --> 00:24:10,284
Yeah, it makes
no financial sense whatsoever.
461
00:24:10,451 --> 00:24:12,411
Uh, my-my-my song was actually
462
00:24:12,578 --> 00:24:14,246
a-a big hit on
The Captain Buffoon Show.
463
00:24:14,413 --> 00:24:16,290
- [laughing] Oh!
- What?
464
00:24:16,457 --> 00:24:17,666
Captain Buffoon? Really?
465
00:24:17,833 --> 00:24:18,792
- Yeah.
- [Tony] Wait, wait.
466
00:24:18,959 --> 00:24:21,295
Captain Buffoon actually
played your song on the radio?
467
00:24:21,462 --> 00:24:22,379
Yeah.
468
00:24:22,546 --> 00:24:24,089
Why didn't you tell us?
This changes everything.
469
00:24:24,256 --> 00:24:26,091
Ben, get this young gentleman
a record contract
470
00:24:26,258 --> 00:24:27,759
this very instant.
471
00:24:27,926 --> 00:24:30,220
We are gonna sign him
to a 14-album deal.
472
00:24:30,387 --> 00:24:31,305
Wait, really?
473
00:24:31,472 --> 00:24:34,224
No! What do you think I am,
an idiot?
474
00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:36,518
- He's not an idiot!
- I'm not an idiot!
475
00:24:36,685 --> 00:24:38,937
- If I may interject here.
- Please.
476
00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:41,064
Look, I'd just like to say
477
00:24:41,231 --> 00:24:43,275
that you got some nerve
coming in here
478
00:24:43,442 --> 00:24:47,946
and wasting my time
and my brother Tony's time.
479
00:24:48,113 --> 00:24:52,618
I'm gonna remember your name
because you, Al Yankovic,
480
00:24:52,784 --> 00:24:56,163
are the most untalented,
pathetic loser
481
00:24:56,330 --> 00:24:59,124
that I've ever met
in my entire life.
482
00:24:59,291 --> 00:25:00,667
Okay, um, maybe...
483
00:25:00,834 --> 00:25:06,131
You're nothing but a hack,
a stupid, useless parasite,
484
00:25:06,298 --> 00:25:09,468
- and you're so ugly.
- Okay...
485
00:25:09,635 --> 00:25:13,639
That ridiculous hair,
that horrible mustache,
486
00:25:13,805 --> 00:25:15,557
stupid glasses.
487
00:25:15,724 --> 00:25:17,142
You make me wanna throw up!
488
00:25:17,309 --> 00:25:18,769
All right, thank you.
Thank you, Ben.
489
00:25:18,936 --> 00:25:20,604
Thank you, Ben, for your,
for your thoughts.
490
00:25:20,604 --> 00:25:22,105
- Thank you.
- Jeez.
491
00:25:22,272 --> 00:25:24,107
- Ugh.
- [Tony] Look, kid,
492
00:25:24,274 --> 00:25:28,153
if you really have your heart
set on doing this stupid music,
493
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,364
maybe write more than one song.
494
00:25:30,531 --> 00:25:32,574
[Ben] Yeah, all the biggest
musical acts have more than
495
00:25:32,741 --> 00:25:34,368
one song in their catalog.
496
00:25:34,535 --> 00:25:35,577
That's very true.
497
00:25:35,744 --> 00:25:37,788
And also, get out
in front of a live audience.
498
00:25:37,955 --> 00:25:39,665
Any audience, any stage,
499
00:25:39,831 --> 00:25:42,668
just get out there, build up
your chops, and who knows?
500
00:25:42,834 --> 00:25:46,338
Maybe someday...
we'll talk again.
501
00:25:46,505 --> 00:25:49,341
But don't count on it
because you truly suck.
502
00:25:49,508 --> 00:25:50,467
Right.
503
00:25:50,634 --> 00:25:51,635
Okay.
504
00:25:51,802 --> 00:25:53,053
[man]
♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
505
00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:54,763
[fighting grunts]
506
00:25:56,723 --> 00:25:59,435
[loud rock music]
507
00:25:59,602 --> 00:26:03,606
♪ Bowling with the devil! ♪
508
00:26:05,275 --> 00:26:08,278
Thank you! We are Skunk Barf!
509
00:26:08,444 --> 00:26:12,448
- You guys suck!
- [crowd booing]
510
00:26:13,866 --> 00:26:16,953
[shouting, jeering]
511
00:26:19,539 --> 00:26:22,750
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
512
00:26:22,917 --> 00:26:24,836
Just relax, you'll be great.
513
00:26:25,003 --> 00:26:26,629
Yeah, the new song's
a bona fide hit.
514
00:26:26,796 --> 00:26:28,464
It's about ice cream!
515
00:26:28,631 --> 00:26:30,425
Everybody likes ice cream.
516
00:26:30,592 --> 00:26:33,678
This seems like more of
a whiskey and... heroin crowd.
517
00:26:33,845 --> 00:26:35,638
Look, guys, I appreciate you
518
00:26:35,805 --> 00:26:37,557
being here for moral support
and everything,
519
00:26:37,724 --> 00:26:39,017
but they are
literally gonna kill me.
520
00:26:39,017 --> 00:26:40,101
We need to leave right now.
521
00:26:40,101 --> 00:26:41,978
Don't be silly, man.
They're gonna love you.
522
00:26:42,145 --> 00:26:43,730
All right, we got, uh,
most of the blood
523
00:26:43,896 --> 00:26:48,109
cleaned off the stage,
so you're on, now.
524
00:26:48,276 --> 00:26:52,071
- Go start the car.
- Nah, you got this, Al.
525
00:26:52,238 --> 00:26:54,657
This is your moment.
Go get 'em, champ.
526
00:26:54,824 --> 00:26:57,201
- [struggling]
- Go get 'em.
527
00:27:00,622 --> 00:27:02,415
[exhales]
528
00:27:02,582 --> 00:27:04,667
[indistinct chatter]
529
00:27:04,834 --> 00:27:08,463
All right, all right,
who's ready for some more music?
530
00:27:10,757 --> 00:27:13,051
Okay, uh, coming next
to the stage,
531
00:27:13,217 --> 00:27:16,262
it's this guy's first time,
Al Yankovic.
532
00:27:21,142 --> 00:27:23,061
- [feedback screeching]
- Hey. [clears throat]
533
00:27:23,227 --> 00:27:24,145
Sorry.
534
00:27:25,855 --> 00:27:26,856
Sorry.
535
00:27:28,191 --> 00:27:30,902
Ah, nice Hawaiian shirt,
Trapper John!
536
00:27:31,069 --> 00:27:33,404
[crowd jeering]
537
00:27:33,571 --> 00:27:35,031
[sniffs] Um...
538
00:27:40,244 --> 00:27:41,537
[man] Boo!
539
00:27:42,914 --> 00:27:46,376
["I Love Rocky Road" playing]
540
00:27:56,969 --> 00:28:00,598
♪ I hear those ice cream bells
And I start to drool... ♪
541
00:28:00,765 --> 00:28:02,725
This guy needs some help.
542
00:28:02,892 --> 00:28:05,895
♪ Keep a couple quarts
In my locker at school ♪
543
00:28:06,062 --> 00:28:09,148
♪ Yeah, but chocolate's
Gettin' old ♪
544
00:28:09,315 --> 00:28:12,235
♪ Vanilla just leaves me cold ♪
545
00:28:12,402 --> 00:28:15,029
[drumming joins]
546
00:28:15,196 --> 00:28:19,701
♪ There's just one flavor good
Enough for me, yeah me ♪
547
00:28:19,867 --> 00:28:24,038
♪ Don't gimme no crummy taste
Spoon, I know what I need ♪
548
00:28:24,205 --> 00:28:27,375
♪ Baby, I love rocky road ♪
549
00:28:27,542 --> 00:28:29,460
♪ So won't you go and buy
Half a gallon, baby ♪
550
00:28:29,627 --> 00:28:31,421
♪ I love rocky road ♪
551
00:28:31,587 --> 00:28:35,091
♪ So have another
Triple scoop with me ♪
552
00:28:35,258 --> 00:28:36,259
♪ Ow! ♪
553
00:28:38,302 --> 00:28:41,013
Gimme a shot of tequila
and two scoops of rum raisin.
554
00:28:41,180 --> 00:28:42,890
We don't sell ice cream here.
555
00:28:43,057 --> 00:28:45,017
You better start selling it
before this song's over
556
00:28:45,184 --> 00:28:47,812
or you're gonna have a riot
on your hands.
557
00:28:47,979 --> 00:28:52,900
♪ When I'm all alone
I just grab myself a cone ♪
558
00:28:53,067 --> 00:28:57,739
♪ And if I get fat and lose
My teeth, that's fine with me ♪
559
00:28:57,905 --> 00:29:02,076
♪ Just lock me in the freezer
And throw away the key ♪
560
00:29:02,243 --> 00:29:04,954
♪ Singing
I love rocky road ♪
561
00:29:05,121 --> 00:29:07,623
♪ So won't you go and buy
Half a gallon, baby ♪
562
00:29:07,790 --> 00:29:09,292
♪ I love rocky road ♪
563
00:29:09,459 --> 00:29:11,961
♪ So have another triple
Scoop with me ♪
564
00:29:12,128 --> 00:29:14,088
♪ I love rocky road ♪
565
00:29:14,255 --> 00:29:16,674
♪ So won't you go
And buy half a gallon, baby ♪
566
00:29:16,841 --> 00:29:19,260
♪ I love rocky road ♪
567
00:29:19,427 --> 00:29:21,137
♪ So have another triple
Scoop with ♪
568
00:29:21,304 --> 00:29:23,265
♪ I love rocky road ♪
569
00:29:23,432 --> 00:29:25,809
♪ So won't you go and buy
Half a gallon, baby ♪
570
00:29:25,976 --> 00:29:28,103
♪ I love rocky road ♪
571
00:29:28,270 --> 00:29:30,689
♪ So have another triple scoop
With me ♪
572
00:29:30,856 --> 00:29:33,233
[audience cheering]
573
00:29:41,825 --> 00:29:44,787
Why didn't you guys tell me
you could play? You're great.
574
00:29:44,953 --> 00:29:46,830
I guess it didn't seem
relevant 'til now.
575
00:29:46,997 --> 00:29:50,375
- [cheering]
- Thank you!
576
00:29:55,547 --> 00:29:56,840
Oh, hey.
577
00:29:58,050 --> 00:30:01,887
Oh! You're Dr. Demento.
578
00:30:02,054 --> 00:30:05,432
Oh, wow. I am such a huge fan.
I can't believe this.
579
00:30:05,599 --> 00:30:07,726
I've been listening to your show
my entire life.
580
00:30:07,893 --> 00:30:10,687
Whoo-whoo-whoo,
wind up your radio...
581
00:30:10,854 --> 00:30:12,064
- Don't do that.
- Sorry.
582
00:30:12,231 --> 00:30:14,107
Um, did you see the show?
583
00:30:14,274 --> 00:30:17,820
I did. And let me
tell you something, kid.
584
00:30:17,986 --> 00:30:20,197
Every once in a great while,
I can spot a talent
585
00:30:20,364 --> 00:30:23,033
that I know is headed
straight to the top.
586
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:24,785
Nervous Norvus,
587
00:30:24,952 --> 00:30:27,371
Wild Man Fischer,
588
00:30:27,538 --> 00:30:30,457
and now... you.
589
00:30:30,624 --> 00:30:34,169
What I saw you do on that stage
tonight blew my mind!
590
00:30:34,336 --> 00:30:36,588
I'm telling you,
you've cracked the code.
591
00:30:36,755 --> 00:30:38,006
You're onto something special.
592
00:30:38,173 --> 00:30:39,550
Wow, I mean, you, you,
you have no idea
593
00:30:39,716 --> 00:30:41,260
what it means
for me to hear you say that.
594
00:30:41,426 --> 00:30:43,679
- Thank you so much.
- Oh...
595
00:30:43,846 --> 00:30:46,056
Um, I only wish
the Scotti Brothers
596
00:30:46,223 --> 00:30:47,307
felt the same way.
597
00:30:47,474 --> 00:30:49,810
Ah, those suits. They
couldn't recognize real talent
598
00:30:49,977 --> 00:30:53,856
if it slapped them in the face
with a dead fish. [laughs]
599
00:30:54,022 --> 00:30:56,775
But I might be able to
get them to notice you.
600
00:30:56,942 --> 00:30:58,151
How?
601
00:30:58,318 --> 00:31:00,988
Well, stick with me, huh?
602
00:31:01,154 --> 00:31:03,574
I know a little something
about the biz.
603
00:31:03,740 --> 00:31:07,411
Uh, wait, are-are you saying
you want to be my mentor?
604
00:31:07,578 --> 00:31:12,708
No, I'm saying I want to
be your... de-mentor!
605
00:31:12,875 --> 00:31:14,710
[laughs]
606
00:31:21,008 --> 00:31:24,219
But first, we gotta find you
a stage name.
607
00:31:24,386 --> 00:31:27,848
I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh, blech.
608
00:31:28,015 --> 00:31:29,933
Doesn't exactly trip off
the tongue now, does it?
609
00:31:30,100 --> 00:31:31,143
I guess not.
610
00:31:31,310 --> 00:31:32,352
It's so clunky. It's long.
611
00:31:32,519 --> 00:31:33,937
It's ungainly.
It's hard to pronounce.
612
00:31:33,937 --> 00:31:35,314
Sorry.
613
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,524
Now, I'm just gonna throw
this out there.
614
00:31:37,691 --> 00:31:40,152
Would you be willing
to change your name to...
615
00:31:42,070 --> 00:31:46,533
Weird... Al Yankovic?
616
00:31:48,076 --> 00:31:49,244
I love it.
617
00:31:49,411 --> 00:31:52,664
[laughs] Great. Great!
618
00:31:52,831 --> 00:31:54,958
Hey, I'm having a little pool
party at the house this weekend.
619
00:31:55,125 --> 00:31:56,919
I'd love to introduce
you to some folks.
620
00:31:57,085 --> 00:31:58,629
What do you say you come on by,
621
00:31:58,795 --> 00:32:00,547
we'll continue this conversation
at the grotto.
622
00:32:00,714 --> 00:32:02,049
Yes, of course!
623
00:32:02,215 --> 00:32:06,803
Mm-hmm. And don't forget
to stay demented!
624
00:32:06,970 --> 00:32:08,555
[laughs]
625
00:32:08,722 --> 00:32:09,681
You got it.
626
00:32:14,645 --> 00:32:17,022
[indistinct party chatter]
627
00:32:22,653 --> 00:32:24,863
[Dr. Demento] H-H-Hey!
628
00:32:25,030 --> 00:32:27,574
There he is,
my newest superstar.
629
00:32:27,741 --> 00:32:29,868
Ah, so glad you could make it.
630
00:32:30,035 --> 00:32:31,828
I've been telling everyone
about you,
631
00:32:31,995 --> 00:32:34,706
and, uh, looks like you've
brought your band.
632
00:32:34,873 --> 00:32:36,583
Okay, fine.
633
00:32:36,750 --> 00:32:38,585
Uh, there's some canapés right
over there, gentlemen.
634
00:32:38,752 --> 00:32:40,921
Help yourselves. So,
let me show you around, okay?
635
00:32:41,088 --> 00:32:44,007
Everyone's dying to meet you.
Oh, right this way.
636
00:32:44,174 --> 00:32:46,093
- Uh, Mr. Herman.
- [Pee-wee] Hello.
637
00:32:46,259 --> 00:32:47,971
I'd like you to meet
"Weird Al" Yankovic.
638
00:32:48,137 --> 00:32:50,390
Ah, a rising star.
639
00:32:50,556 --> 00:32:52,016
Pleased to meet you.
640
00:32:52,183 --> 00:32:54,936
[both laughing]
641
00:32:56,938 --> 00:32:59,524
And this is, of course,
Tiny Tim.
642
00:32:59,691 --> 00:33:05,196
Oh, Mr. Yankovic. Oh, why,
you're just the cat's pajamas.
643
00:33:05,363 --> 00:33:07,156
Is that a good thing?
644
00:33:07,323 --> 00:33:08,366
Sure.
645
00:33:08,533 --> 00:33:10,618
Ah, excuse us, gentlemen.
646
00:33:10,785 --> 00:33:12,412
Nice to meet you.
647
00:33:12,578 --> 00:33:15,206
So that's Demento's new protégé.
648
00:33:15,373 --> 00:33:16,749
You know, I hear
they don't even hand out
649
00:33:16,916 --> 00:33:18,876
raincoats and tarps
at his shows.
650
00:33:19,043 --> 00:33:20,420
Amateur hour.
651
00:33:22,296 --> 00:33:23,715
Amateur hour.
652
00:33:24,966 --> 00:33:27,093
Well, hello, Dali.
653
00:33:27,260 --> 00:33:28,469
Andy.
654
00:33:28,636 --> 00:33:33,057
What do you think of
this "Weird Al" Yankovic?
655
00:33:33,224 --> 00:33:38,271
Dali predicts he will change
everything we know about art!
656
00:33:38,438 --> 00:33:41,733
Weird Al will change the world!
657
00:33:41,899 --> 00:33:44,861
Eh, I give him 15 minutes.
658
00:33:45,028 --> 00:33:49,198
Well, well, well, if it
isn't Dr. Demento.
659
00:33:49,365 --> 00:33:52,452
Wolf man Jack.
Who let you in here?
660
00:33:52,618 --> 00:33:55,663
The Wolf man goes where
the Wolf man wants, baby.
661
00:33:56,873 --> 00:34:00,001
[howling]
662
00:34:00,168 --> 00:34:01,836
Security!
663
00:34:02,003 --> 00:34:05,798
Relax. I just came by
to lay eyes on this cat
664
00:34:05,965 --> 00:34:08,342
you've been paradin' around.
665
00:34:08,509 --> 00:34:10,803
The one who takes
preexisting musical compositions
666
00:34:10,970 --> 00:34:14,348
and completely changes
the lyrics.
667
00:34:14,515 --> 00:34:18,394
He has a name, you know.
And it's "Weird Al" Yankovic.
668
00:34:18,561 --> 00:34:21,814
Well then, put 'er
there, Weird Al.
669
00:34:21,981 --> 00:34:24,150
Oooh! Too slow.
670
00:34:24,317 --> 00:34:25,943
What is the meaning of this?
671
00:34:26,110 --> 00:34:28,279
This is me telling you
that I know hit talent
672
00:34:28,446 --> 00:34:30,406
when I see it,
and this kid ain't it.
673
00:34:30,573 --> 00:34:34,035
He'll never crack the top 40,
he's too niche.
674
00:34:34,202 --> 00:34:39,040
This kid, as you call him,
is the future of music.
675
00:34:39,207 --> 00:34:43,711
Right. Well, if he's so great,
how about he comes up
676
00:34:43,878 --> 00:34:47,215
with a new parody song
right now on the spot?
677
00:34:47,381 --> 00:34:49,342
- [guests] Ooh...
- Whoa.
678
00:34:49,509 --> 00:34:50,802
[Al] I mean, come on, man.
It's a party.
679
00:34:50,968 --> 00:34:52,470
I don't know that's a good idea.
680
00:34:52,637 --> 00:34:54,555
[John]
Do Another One Bites the Dust.
681
00:34:54,722 --> 00:34:58,184
[laughs] That seems fitting,
who said that?
682
00:34:58,351 --> 00:35:01,938
I did. I'm John Deacon...
683
00:35:05,358 --> 00:35:06,776
of Queen.
684
00:35:09,987 --> 00:35:11,614
I play the bass in Queen.
685
00:35:11,781 --> 00:35:13,324
[crowd] Oh...
686
00:35:13,491 --> 00:35:15,827
All right, future boy.
687
00:35:15,993 --> 00:35:19,664
Let's hear what you can do with
Another One Bites the Dust.
688
00:35:29,048 --> 00:35:30,550
We're waiting.
689
00:35:32,635 --> 00:35:35,179
You don't have to
prove anything to him.
690
00:35:35,346 --> 00:35:38,141
[Jack]
Come on, guy from Queen.
691
00:35:38,307 --> 00:35:42,854
Let's go find a party
with some real talent. [laughs]
692
00:35:47,733 --> 00:35:50,570
Get me my accordion.
693
00:35:50,736 --> 00:35:52,488
[Jack]
Hey, you like deviled eggs?
694
00:35:52,655 --> 00:35:55,366
I love a good deviled egg.
They don't love me, though.
695
00:35:55,533 --> 00:35:58,661
["Another One Rides the Bus"
playing]
696
00:36:09,046 --> 00:36:10,715
♪ Ridin' in the bus
Down the boulevard ♪
697
00:36:10,882 --> 00:36:12,843
♪ And the place was
Pretty packed, yeah! ♪
698
00:36:13,010 --> 00:36:14,595
♪ I couldn't find a seat
So I had to stand ♪
699
00:36:14,761 --> 00:36:16,221
♪ With the perverts
In the back ♪
700
00:36:16,388 --> 00:36:18,140
♪ It was smellin'
Like a locker room ♪
701
00:36:18,307 --> 00:36:19,933
♪ There was junk
All over the floor ♪
702
00:36:20,100 --> 00:36:21,560
♪ We're already packed in
Like sardines ♪
703
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:25,063
♪ But we're stoppin'
To pick up more, look out! ♪
704
00:36:25,230 --> 00:36:28,567
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
705
00:36:28,734 --> 00:36:30,611
- ♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
- [train whistle]
706
00:36:30,777 --> 00:36:32,613
♪ And another comes on
And another comes on ♪
707
00:36:32,779 --> 00:36:34,323
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
708
00:36:34,489 --> 00:36:36,241
♪ Hey, he's gonna sit by you ♪
709
00:36:36,408 --> 00:36:38,744
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
710
00:36:45,209 --> 00:36:46,835
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
711
00:36:47,002 --> 00:36:49,004
♪ Another one rides the bus
Ow! ♪
712
00:36:49,171 --> 00:36:50,923
♪ Another one rides the bus
Hey, hey ♪
713
00:36:51,089 --> 00:36:55,052
♪ Another one rides the bus
Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey ♪
714
00:36:59,598 --> 00:37:01,475
♪ The window doesn't open
And the fan is broke ♪
715
00:37:01,642 --> 00:37:03,602
♪ And my face
Is turnin' blue, yeah ♪
716
00:37:03,769 --> 00:37:05,437
♪ I haven't been
In a crowd like this ♪
717
00:37:05,604 --> 00:37:06,688
♪ Since I went to see The Who ♪
718
00:37:06,688 --> 00:37:08,690
♪ Well, I should've got off
A couple miles ago ♪
719
00:37:08,857 --> 00:37:10,525
♪ But I couldn't get
To the door ♪
720
00:37:10,692 --> 00:37:12,569
♪ There isn't any room
For me to breathe ♪
721
00:37:12,736 --> 00:37:15,864
♪ Now we're gonna pick up more
Yeah! ♪
722
00:37:16,031 --> 00:37:19,159
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
723
00:37:19,326 --> 00:37:21,536
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
724
00:37:21,703 --> 00:37:23,455
♪ And another comes on
And another comes on ♪
725
00:37:23,622 --> 00:37:25,374
♪ Another one rides the bus ♪
726
00:37:25,540 --> 00:37:29,211
♪ Hey, he's gonna sit by you
Another one rides the bus! ♪
727
00:37:29,378 --> 00:37:31,672
[guests cheering]
728
00:37:46,770 --> 00:37:48,146
I don't know what to say.
729
00:37:49,564 --> 00:37:51,525
That was the...
730
00:37:51,692 --> 00:37:52,985
That was the most
beautiful thing
731
00:37:53,151 --> 00:37:54,528
I've ever heard
in my entire life.
732
00:37:56,238 --> 00:37:59,533
You truly have
a rare gift, Weird Al.
733
00:38:07,833 --> 00:38:11,920
Hey mate, we're playing
a little gig next week
734
00:38:12,087 --> 00:38:17,050
called Live Aid,
Wembley Stadium.
735
00:38:17,217 --> 00:38:19,428
I'd be honored if you
would join the band
736
00:38:19,594 --> 00:38:22,556
and play that song
on stage with us.
737
00:38:24,641 --> 00:38:26,059
What do you say?
738
00:38:32,774 --> 00:38:34,318
Hard pass!
739
00:38:34,484 --> 00:38:37,529
[laughter]
740
00:38:42,159 --> 00:38:44,911
- This guy?
- Get him, get him out of here!
741
00:38:49,458 --> 00:38:52,169
[Al] I felt like
I was on top of the world,
742
00:38:52,336 --> 00:38:55,881
but this was just the beginning.
743
00:38:56,048 --> 00:38:59,426
"Weird Al" Yankovic is
one of the most exciting
744
00:38:59,593 --> 00:39:01,762
new artists in pop music today.
745
00:39:01,928 --> 00:39:04,389
His self-titled debut album
746
00:39:04,556 --> 00:39:08,352
was just certified
quintuple platinum.
747
00:39:08,518 --> 00:39:09,728
[audience cheers]
748
00:39:09,895 --> 00:39:11,980
Simply by taking well-known
pop songs
749
00:39:12,147 --> 00:39:13,607
and changing the lyrics,
750
00:39:13,774 --> 00:39:16,026
Yankovic has taken
the world by storm.
751
00:39:16,193 --> 00:39:19,237
I have never seen a collection
of Hawaiian shirts like this.
752
00:39:19,404 --> 00:39:21,281
Oh, well, thank you, Oprah!
753
00:39:21,448 --> 00:39:23,450
[Oprah] He has the number one
album in 20 countries
754
00:39:23,617 --> 00:39:25,369
and counts among his fans
such luminaries as...
755
00:39:25,535 --> 00:39:27,412
Hey, turn this up.
756
00:39:27,579 --> 00:39:29,998
[Oprah] ...President Ronald
Reagan and Pope John Paul II.
757
00:39:30,165 --> 00:39:33,043
Even international drug lord
Pablo Escobar
758
00:39:33,210 --> 00:39:36,004
calls Weird Al
his favorite musician.
759
00:39:36,171 --> 00:39:37,673
♪ Oh, Ricky, you're so fine ♪
760
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:39,467
♪ You're so fine
You blow my mind ♪
761
00:39:39,634 --> 00:39:42,178
- ♪ Hey Ricky! Hey Ricky! ♪
- [guns firing]
762
00:39:42,345 --> 00:39:44,055
And what about this,
this necklace you're wearing?
763
00:39:44,222 --> 00:39:45,765
Oh, these, yeah.
764
00:39:45,932 --> 00:39:47,600
I, uh, I wear one
solid platinum record medallion
765
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:49,227
for each time my album
went platinum.
766
00:39:49,394 --> 00:39:51,646
So that's one, two,
three, four, five.
767
00:39:51,813 --> 00:39:53,439
Wow. Those look heavy.
768
00:39:53,606 --> 00:39:55,608
They are super uncomfortable.
769
00:39:55,775 --> 00:39:58,319
[Oprah] And it's not
just the record company
770
00:39:58,486 --> 00:40:01,030
that's cashing in
on Weird Al fever.
771
00:40:01,197 --> 00:40:04,659
The artists he's parodying
are experiencing a phenomenon
772
00:40:04,826 --> 00:40:07,453
that's being called
the Yankovic Bump.
773
00:40:07,620 --> 00:40:10,748
The Knack, Joan Jett
and even Queen
774
00:40:10,915 --> 00:40:13,626
have seen their
album sales double
775
00:40:13,793 --> 00:40:17,130
after Weird Al put
his unique spin on their songs.
776
00:40:17,296 --> 00:40:21,300
Which begs the question,
who will be next?
777
00:40:21,467 --> 00:40:22,802
Who indeed?
778
00:40:24,595 --> 00:40:28,975
Al, you really do seem to have
the Midas touch. [chuckles]
779
00:40:29,142 --> 00:40:31,602
I've never seen anything like it
in all my years.
780
00:40:31,769 --> 00:40:34,188
Your parents must be proud.
781
00:40:34,355 --> 00:40:36,983
Yeah. Yeah, my parents...
782
00:40:46,451 --> 00:40:47,869
Is everything okay?
783
00:40:48,035 --> 00:40:50,371
Huh? Yeah. Yes, of course.
784
00:40:50,538 --> 00:40:52,790
Yeah, whose... whose parents
wouldn't be proud?
785
00:40:52,957 --> 00:40:54,250
[Oprah] Exactly.
786
00:40:55,877 --> 00:40:58,880
- Al? Al?
- [phone ringing]
787
00:41:03,676 --> 00:41:05,094
Hello?
788
00:41:05,261 --> 00:41:08,639
- [Al] Hey, Mom. It's me.
- Alfy?
789
00:41:08,806 --> 00:41:10,725
[Al] It's been
a long time, hasn't it?
790
00:41:12,810 --> 00:41:14,312
We saw you on the TV.
791
00:41:14,479 --> 00:41:15,897
It's crazy, right?
792
00:41:16,898 --> 00:41:18,983
Yeah, who would've thought?
793
00:41:19,150 --> 00:41:21,486
I'm actually gearing up
for a residency right now
794
00:41:21,652 --> 00:41:23,571
at Madison Square Garden.
795
00:41:23,738 --> 00:41:26,365
Sold out 25 nights in a row.
796
00:41:26,532 --> 00:41:28,159
They're, uh, they're
moving the Knicks
797
00:41:28,326 --> 00:41:29,952
to a hockey rink in Jersey
for a month.
798
00:41:30,119 --> 00:41:31,787
- Huh.
- Yep.
799
00:41:31,954 --> 00:41:33,623
Yep. I'm living the dream.
800
00:41:33,789 --> 00:41:35,958
I mean, to have 20,000 people
every night
801
00:41:36,125 --> 00:41:38,211
singing along to my words
802
00:41:38,377 --> 00:41:40,296
to other people's music.
803
00:41:40,463 --> 00:41:43,049
I feel truly alive
when I'm on that stage.
804
00:41:43,216 --> 00:41:44,717
[Mary] Oh, that's nice.
805
00:41:46,052 --> 00:41:47,428
Are you eating enough bran?
806
00:41:49,013 --> 00:41:51,140
- What?
- Well, it's important.
807
00:41:51,307 --> 00:41:53,601
It keeps you regular
and you know how you get
808
00:41:53,768 --> 00:41:56,020
when you're not having
your regular BMs, Alfy.
809
00:41:56,187 --> 00:41:59,106
I... Yeah, sure.
810
00:41:59,273 --> 00:42:02,610
Good. That's good.
811
00:42:03,986 --> 00:42:08,908
So, um, so how's Dad?
812
00:42:09,075 --> 00:42:12,370
Gosh, your father's
a complicated man.
813
00:42:12,537 --> 00:42:14,539
Does he ever talk about me?
814
00:42:14,705 --> 00:42:17,833
Oh, sure, all the time. Yes.
815
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,086
There's so many things
that he wants to tell you,
816
00:42:20,253 --> 00:42:21,546
but it's just difficult for him.
817
00:42:21,712 --> 00:42:23,631
Well, like what?
818
00:42:23,798 --> 00:42:26,092
You know, what does
he want to tell me?
819
00:42:26,259 --> 00:42:30,721
Well, mostly he just
wants to let you know that
820
00:42:30,888 --> 00:42:32,890
he's definitely not
proud of you.
821
00:42:34,225 --> 00:42:35,226
What?
822
00:42:35,393 --> 00:42:37,728
Yes. He told me to be
crystal clear about that.
823
00:42:37,895 --> 00:42:40,189
Also, he still thinks
that parody songs are stupid,
824
00:42:40,356 --> 00:42:41,774
and I don't have to tell you
825
00:42:41,941 --> 00:42:43,401
how he feels about the
accordion, do I?
826
00:42:43,401 --> 00:42:44,986
Okay. Well, Mom,
I actually have to go now.
827
00:42:44,986 --> 00:42:46,988
You know, he just never
really wanted to have kids.
828
00:42:46,988 --> 00:42:48,990
Okay. Well, great
talking to you.
829
00:42:49,156 --> 00:42:51,367
Listen, if you do wanna get
that job down at the factory,
830
00:42:51,534 --> 00:42:53,452
I'm sure your father can
pull a few strings for you.
831
00:42:53,452 --> 00:42:54,912
All right. Take care
now, bye-bye.
832
00:42:55,079 --> 00:42:56,622
- Love you, Alfy!
- Yep!
833
00:43:04,006 --> 00:43:05,132
- [grunts]
- [phone shatters]
834
00:43:07,843 --> 00:43:11,805
Oh, tough call with
the folks, huh?
835
00:43:11,972 --> 00:43:13,432
You know, I can fire up
836
00:43:13,599 --> 00:43:14,725
the downstairs hot tub
for you if you'd like.
837
00:43:14,725 --> 00:43:16,184
Oh, no, no, this is fine.
838
00:43:16,351 --> 00:43:17,394
I don't want to put you
through any trouble.
839
00:43:17,394 --> 00:43:18,729
[Al] I... It's really no trouble.
840
00:43:18,895 --> 00:43:20,606
I mean, there are actually
three other Jacuzzis
841
00:43:20,772 --> 00:43:22,524
in the house that are
not here in my bedroom.
842
00:43:22,691 --> 00:43:25,944
Oh, that's so sweet of you,
but really, I'm good.
843
00:43:26,111 --> 00:43:29,323
You, on the other hand,
you don't seem so good.
844
00:43:29,489 --> 00:43:31,408
Do you wanna talk about it?
845
00:43:35,162 --> 00:43:38,624
It's just, my whole life,
846
00:43:38,790 --> 00:43:44,254
all I've wanted is for my father
to accept me for who I am.
847
00:43:44,421 --> 00:43:47,466
And I thought if I became
this huge success,
848
00:43:47,633 --> 00:43:49,676
that that would change
things, but...
849
00:43:49,843 --> 00:43:50,969
Mm.
850
00:43:52,638 --> 00:43:55,766
But he still hates everything
about me.
851
00:43:59,019 --> 00:44:01,813
You know, maybe he's right.
Maybe parody songs are stupid.
852
00:44:01,980 --> 00:44:05,150
Look, you don't have to
write parody songs
853
00:44:05,317 --> 00:44:06,360
if you don't want to.
854
00:44:06,943 --> 00:44:08,111
What?
855
00:44:08,945 --> 00:44:11,031
You look a little hungry.
Here, have a snack.
856
00:44:13,450 --> 00:44:16,453
You can write your own songs.
857
00:44:17,788 --> 00:44:19,373
You think I took
you under my wing
858
00:44:19,539 --> 00:44:21,875
because you write parody songs?
859
00:44:22,042 --> 00:44:25,462
No, I saw in you a visionary,
860
00:44:25,629 --> 00:44:29,424
an artist who has
something to give to the world.
861
00:44:29,591 --> 00:44:31,301
I saw in you something special,
862
00:44:31,468 --> 00:44:34,596
something your father
doesn't see
863
00:44:34,763 --> 00:44:36,973
and that even you don't see...
864
00:44:39,184 --> 00:44:40,268
yet.
865
00:44:40,435 --> 00:44:42,312
This guacamole tastes funny.
866
00:44:42,479 --> 00:44:45,691
[Dr. Demento laughs] Of course
it does. It's loaded with LSD.
867
00:44:45,857 --> 00:44:46,942
What?
868
00:44:47,109 --> 00:44:49,236
- [laughs]
- No!
869
00:44:49,403 --> 00:44:52,864
You need to open your heart
and your mind,
870
00:44:53,031 --> 00:44:56,618
face your fears,
break your chains,
871
00:44:56,785 --> 00:44:58,537
come with me
on a spiritual journey.
872
00:44:58,704 --> 00:45:00,706
Find your source of inspiration!
873
00:45:00,872 --> 00:45:03,667
No, that-that is totally
not cool, man. You can't just...
874
00:45:03,834 --> 00:45:06,586
Whoa, no, what is happening
to your head?
875
00:45:06,753 --> 00:45:08,463
That's probably
the drugs kicking in.
876
00:45:08,630 --> 00:45:10,549
Just relax and enjoy the ride.
877
00:45:10,716 --> 00:45:13,301
It'll be over in like,
ten to 12 hours.
878
00:45:13,468 --> 00:45:16,847
Twelve hours?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
879
00:45:17,013 --> 00:45:18,473
[audio distorting]
880
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:21,268
I'm just gonna close my eyes
and when I open them up again,
881
00:45:21,435 --> 00:45:23,186
everything is gonna
be completely back to...
882
00:45:23,353 --> 00:45:25,272
[gasps]
883
00:45:30,485 --> 00:45:32,571
[breathing rapidly]
884
00:45:32,738 --> 00:45:35,365
What in God's name
are you doing, boy?
885
00:45:35,532 --> 00:45:37,534
Those aren't the right words!
886
00:45:37,701 --> 00:45:39,870
Please, just stop being
who you are
887
00:45:40,036 --> 00:45:41,705
and doing the things you love.
888
00:45:41,872 --> 00:45:45,459
You, Al Yankovic,
are the most untalented,
889
00:45:45,625 --> 00:45:50,005
pathetic loser I've ever
met in my entire life!
890
00:45:50,172 --> 00:45:52,758
No, no, no, stop it.
Leave me alone!
891
00:45:56,011 --> 00:46:00,974
Alfred Yankovic, this
is your time.
892
00:46:01,141 --> 00:46:05,020
Believe in yourself,
and the song will come to you.
893
00:46:05,187 --> 00:46:06,772
Don't listen to him, boy!
894
00:46:06,938 --> 00:46:09,733
You belong with me,
at the factory!
895
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:13,278
It's your destiny!
896
00:46:13,445 --> 00:46:16,782
[struggling] Aah! No!
897
00:46:16,948 --> 00:46:19,117
[laughing]
898
00:46:24,206 --> 00:46:26,459
Aah! No!
899
00:46:26,626 --> 00:46:30,296
He's losing his power
over you, keep going!
900
00:46:30,463 --> 00:46:32,256
I can't!
901
00:46:32,423 --> 00:46:35,218
Maybe you should try
a little Cap'n Crunch.
902
00:46:36,469 --> 00:46:38,262
What?
903
00:46:38,429 --> 00:46:40,097
Raisin Bran, perhaps?
904
00:46:41,641 --> 00:46:44,227
No, no! I don't want
no Cap'n Crunch!
905
00:46:44,393 --> 00:46:46,103
Don't want no Raisin Bran!
906
00:46:46,270 --> 00:46:50,358
Eat it, just eat it.
907
00:46:50,525 --> 00:46:52,610
I don't understand!
908
00:46:52,777 --> 00:46:55,905
[distorted]
Don't you make me repeat it.
909
00:46:56,072 --> 00:46:58,741
[machine clanking]
910
00:46:58,908 --> 00:47:00,993
What's happening to me?
911
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:04,622
Now you must die
in order to be reborn.
912
00:47:04,789 --> 00:47:07,917
No, no! No!
913
00:47:12,463 --> 00:47:15,383
[thunder crashing]
914
00:47:20,137 --> 00:47:22,974
[heart beating]
915
00:47:28,771 --> 00:47:31,148
[playing "Eat It"]
916
00:47:34,902 --> 00:47:36,153
[screaming]
917
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:42,326
Put it in.
918
00:47:44,537 --> 00:47:47,456
♪ How come you're always
Such a fussy young man ♪
919
00:47:47,623 --> 00:47:50,459
♪ Don't want no Cap'n Crunch
Don't want no Raisin Bran ♪
920
00:47:50,626 --> 00:47:52,670
♪ Well, don't you know
That other kids ♪
921
00:47:52,837 --> 00:47:54,005
♪ Are starving in Japan ♪
922
00:47:54,171 --> 00:47:56,757
♪ So eat it, just eat it ♪
923
00:47:59,635 --> 00:48:01,012
I've heard enough.
924
00:48:03,681 --> 00:48:05,224
It's brilliant.
925
00:48:06,100 --> 00:48:08,728
[Ben] Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't recognize the tune.
926
00:48:08,895 --> 00:48:10,813
What song
are you parodying here?
927
00:48:10,980 --> 00:48:12,815
I'm not parodying anything.
928
00:48:12,982 --> 00:48:14,942
This song is completely
original.
929
00:48:15,109 --> 00:48:18,029
Wait, you wrote the words
and the music?
930
00:48:18,195 --> 00:48:19,155
That's right.
931
00:48:19,322 --> 00:48:22,325
Okay, just to be
perfectly clear,
932
00:48:22,491 --> 00:48:26,829
so you're saying this is not
a parody of an existing song,
933
00:48:26,996 --> 00:48:29,290
but an entirely
original composition
934
00:48:29,457 --> 00:48:31,334
that you wrote all by yourself?
935
00:48:31,500 --> 00:48:33,085
Yes.
936
00:48:33,252 --> 00:48:35,463
Not based on anybody else's song
in any way?
937
00:48:35,630 --> 00:48:37,423
Did I stutter?
938
00:48:40,092 --> 00:48:43,596
I'm tired of people thinking
I'm some kind of joke, okay?
939
00:48:43,763 --> 00:48:47,558
I am done writing parody songs.
940
00:48:47,725 --> 00:48:48,851
Done.
941
00:48:49,810 --> 00:48:51,145
From now on,
942
00:48:51,938 --> 00:48:56,484
I am only gonna do
completely original music.
943
00:48:56,651 --> 00:48:58,945
Oh, Al, you can't smoke in here.
944
00:49:00,655 --> 00:49:01,948
[cigarette sizzling]
945
00:49:02,114 --> 00:49:05,868
[groaning]
946
00:49:08,746 --> 00:49:11,207
[pained laughter]
I totally deserved that.
947
00:49:11,374 --> 00:49:16,003
Well, I am blown away.
This is a bold new direction.
948
00:49:16,170 --> 00:49:18,881
I mean, the parody
songs were fine,
949
00:49:19,048 --> 00:49:23,427
but you've completely
changed the game here.
950
00:49:24,220 --> 00:49:26,430
This is gonna be your
biggest hit yet.
951
00:49:26,597 --> 00:49:28,849
[doorbell ringing]
952
00:49:29,016 --> 00:49:33,145
Okay, okay! Hold your horses!
953
00:49:35,690 --> 00:49:37,066
[doorbell continues ringing]
954
00:49:44,865 --> 00:49:46,617
"Weird Al" Yankovic.
955
00:49:46,784 --> 00:49:49,830
Um, do I know you?
956
00:49:49,997 --> 00:49:53,583
Madonna. Ring any bells?
957
00:49:53,750 --> 00:49:57,254
[Al]
Oh, right. Madonna.
958
00:49:57,421 --> 00:50:01,466
Yeah, Lucky Star,
Holiday, Borderline.
959
00:50:01,633 --> 00:50:03,218
Born in Michigan,
Catholic schoolgirl,
960
00:50:03,385 --> 00:50:05,178
dropped outta college
and moved to New York City
961
00:50:05,345 --> 00:50:06,972
with nothing but the clothes
on your back
962
00:50:07,139 --> 00:50:08,390
and $35 in your pocket.
963
00:50:08,557 --> 00:50:10,851
Maybe it was to become
the Queen of Pop.
964
00:50:11,018 --> 00:50:13,812
Maybe it was to get back at Dad
for marrying the housekeeper.
965
00:50:15,188 --> 00:50:16,773
Wow.
966
00:50:16,940 --> 00:50:18,984
You know a lot more about me
than you let on.
967
00:50:19,151 --> 00:50:23,238
What can I say?
I'm full of surprises. [grunts]
968
00:50:23,405 --> 00:50:25,699
[door slamming]
969
00:50:25,866 --> 00:50:29,786
So, what brings you
here, Madonna?
970
00:50:29,953 --> 00:50:31,872
Oh, I was in the neighborhood.
971
00:50:32,039 --> 00:50:37,419
Wanted to see if my map to
the stars' homes was accurate.
972
00:50:37,586 --> 00:50:40,297
Guess you won't need
a refund, then.
973
00:50:40,464 --> 00:50:44,301
Is that, uh, all you wanted?
974
00:50:44,468 --> 00:50:48,138
No, I want a lot of things,
975
00:50:49,598 --> 00:50:52,017
but the truth is,
I'm a big fan of yours.
976
00:50:52,184 --> 00:50:53,477
Join the club.
977
00:50:54,811 --> 00:50:58,982
Have you heard my new
single, Like a Virgin?
978
00:50:59,149 --> 00:51:00,484
[Al]
Oh, I've heard it.
979
00:51:00,650 --> 00:51:05,947
And I'm curious,
is that song autobiographical?
980
00:51:06,114 --> 00:51:09,451
Yes. I technically am a virgin,
981
00:51:09,618 --> 00:51:12,704
except for the fact
that I've had a lot of sex.
982
00:51:12,871 --> 00:51:15,207
I mean, a lot.
983
00:51:16,917 --> 00:51:17,959
I see.
984
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:22,005
Anyway, I was wondering
985
00:51:22,172 --> 00:51:24,174
if you were going to
do a parody of my song.
986
00:51:25,842 --> 00:51:27,260
Maybe.
987
00:51:27,427 --> 00:51:28,553
I like that.
988
00:51:30,013 --> 00:51:34,267
So, would you like to see
the rest of the house?
989
00:51:34,434 --> 00:51:36,645
There's only one room
I'm interested in seeing.
990
00:51:36,812 --> 00:51:38,688
Oh, I'm doing some
work on the bathroom,
991
00:51:38,855 --> 00:51:40,941
but there's another
one downstairs.
992
00:51:41,108 --> 00:51:43,151
Oh, I'm not talking
about the bathroom.
993
00:51:43,318 --> 00:51:46,530
Then let me show you
to the laundry room.
994
00:51:48,281 --> 00:51:52,410
Al Yankovic,
are you playing with me?
995
00:51:54,162 --> 00:51:55,622
Yes?
996
00:51:55,789 --> 00:51:58,208
[moaning]
997
00:52:10,554 --> 00:52:12,597
[statue breaking]
998
00:52:12,764 --> 00:52:15,142
[moaning]
999
00:52:18,812 --> 00:52:21,731
Oh, you're so weird.
1000
00:52:39,249 --> 00:52:42,544
So, are we like, boyfriend
and girlfriend now?
1001
00:52:44,379 --> 00:52:47,799
Maybe. [giggles]
1002
00:52:47,966 --> 00:52:51,469
Well, now that things
are official,
1003
00:52:51,636 --> 00:52:54,806
I should really be
honest with you.
1004
00:52:54,973 --> 00:52:59,561
When I said I might parody
one of your songs, I lied.
1005
00:53:03,064 --> 00:53:06,026
So, it's true,
what they're saying.
1006
00:53:06,193 --> 00:53:09,070
You're not doing
parodies anymore.
1007
00:53:09,237 --> 00:53:10,822
My song Eat It,
1008
00:53:10,989 --> 00:53:13,158
which, as you know, is
a hundred percent original,
1009
00:53:13,325 --> 00:53:16,704
is the biggest hit
by anybody ever.
1010
00:53:16,871 --> 00:53:19,248
So, I've decided that's all
I wanna do from now on.
1011
00:53:19,415 --> 00:53:21,709
Completely original songs.
1012
00:53:25,755 --> 00:53:28,799
See, that's what
I love about you.
1013
00:53:28,966 --> 00:53:31,969
You know what you want and
you know how to get it.
1014
00:53:34,138 --> 00:53:35,348
Just like me.
1015
00:53:48,527 --> 00:53:51,239
♪ Just eat it, eat it ♪
1016
00:53:51,405 --> 00:53:54,492
♪ Don't you make me repeat it ♪
1017
00:53:54,659 --> 00:53:57,787
♪ Have a banana
Have a whole bunch ♪
1018
00:53:57,954 --> 00:54:00,790
♪ It doesn't matter
What you had for lunch ♪
1019
00:54:00,957 --> 00:54:03,751
♪ Just eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it ♪
1020
00:54:03,918 --> 00:54:05,711
♪ Eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it ♪
1021
00:54:05,878 --> 00:54:10,424
[laughs] How about that?
And I've got some amazing news.
1022
00:54:10,591 --> 00:54:13,302
I've officially gotten the word
that we have broken
1023
00:54:13,469 --> 00:54:17,598
the Beatles' record for most
singles in the Billboard Top 10.
1024
00:54:18,557 --> 00:54:19,725
Oh.
1025
00:54:23,521 --> 00:54:25,106
Yeah, cool.
1026
00:54:25,273 --> 00:54:26,941
Uh, okay.
1027
00:54:27,108 --> 00:54:31,529
Well, um, we have some very
exciting offers pouring in
1028
00:54:31,696 --> 00:54:34,073
that I would love to...
1029
00:54:34,240 --> 00:54:36,158
- That...
- Oh, that feels good.
1030
00:54:36,325 --> 00:54:37,827
Love to discuss with...
1031
00:54:37,994 --> 00:54:39,161
Love to discuss with you.
1032
00:54:39,328 --> 00:54:40,955
We got some, some great calls.
1033
00:54:41,122 --> 00:54:43,082
- [moaning continues]
- Uh, very interesting.
1034
00:54:43,249 --> 00:54:46,836
Led Zeppelin, uh, is thinking
about getting back together,
1035
00:54:47,003 --> 00:54:48,921
but they say the only
way they'll do it
1036
00:54:49,088 --> 00:54:50,965
is if they can
open up for you on tour.
1037
00:54:51,132 --> 00:54:52,925
I mean, that's sweet, but yeah.
1038
00:54:53,092 --> 00:54:55,720
I already offered the gig
to Howie Mandel, so.
1039
00:54:57,305 --> 00:55:00,599
Okay, yeah. But this
is perhaps...
1040
00:55:00,766 --> 00:55:05,688
Look, I am not bumping
Mandel for Zeppelin, okay? Pass.
1041
00:55:05,855 --> 00:55:08,274
Okay. Got it.
1042
00:55:10,026 --> 00:55:13,487
Uh, well, we have another offer,
a very serious offer.
1043
00:55:13,654 --> 00:55:17,533
This is to replace Roger Moore
in the James Bond franchise.
1044
00:55:17,700 --> 00:55:19,285
- Now this one...
- No!
1045
00:55:19,452 --> 00:55:21,037
No, no, no, I'm not gonna
be the new James Bond.
1046
00:55:21,203 --> 00:55:22,955
I'm not gonna be
the new Indiana Jones.
1047
00:55:23,122 --> 00:55:26,792
From now on, everything I do
has to be completely original.
1048
00:55:26,959 --> 00:55:28,919
How many times have
I gotta say that?
1049
00:55:29,086 --> 00:55:32,798
Look, Mr. Pimento,
we have places to be.
1050
00:55:32,965 --> 00:55:35,009
How long is this gonna take?
1051
00:55:35,176 --> 00:55:37,595
Not much longer.
1052
00:55:37,762 --> 00:55:39,221
We got another offer
for you to play
1053
00:55:39,388 --> 00:55:41,599
Pablo Escobar's 40th
birthday party.
1054
00:55:41,766 --> 00:55:43,642
I saw him on the news.
He's a really big deal.
1055
00:55:43,809 --> 00:55:46,395
The drug lord?
Why is he so obsessed with me?
1056
00:55:46,562 --> 00:55:51,359
And he has upped his offer
to three billion pesos.
1057
00:55:51,525 --> 00:55:53,402
I mean, okay, how much is
that in American money?
1058
00:55:53,569 --> 00:55:54,904
You know what, never mind.
1059
00:55:55,071 --> 00:55:56,781
I don't feel like
doing the math.
1060
00:55:56,947 --> 00:55:58,157
Well, I've done the math
and I can assure you...
1061
00:55:58,157 --> 00:56:00,785
Bup-bup-bup!
I can do my own math,
1062
00:56:00,951 --> 00:56:02,703
and I said,
I don't want to. Pass.
1063
00:56:03,913 --> 00:56:06,957
Alfy, are you chewing my gum?
1064
00:56:07,124 --> 00:56:09,377
I don't know. Maybe.
1065
00:56:09,543 --> 00:56:11,587
You wanna come get it?
1066
00:56:11,754 --> 00:56:14,048
[moaning]
1067
00:56:20,763 --> 00:56:23,391
[laughing]
1068
00:56:23,557 --> 00:56:25,351
You, you don't think
things are moving
1069
00:56:25,518 --> 00:56:26,936
too fast with us, do you?
1070
00:56:27,103 --> 00:56:30,898
Baby, don't be silly.
We're soulmates.
1071
00:56:31,065 --> 00:56:34,443
This is true love.
When you know, you know.
1072
00:56:34,610 --> 00:56:36,153
You're so right.
1073
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:40,492
This has been the happiest
six hours of my life.
1074
00:56:40,659 --> 00:56:43,995
Mr. Yankovic, you have
a phone call at the host stand.
1075
00:56:45,122 --> 00:56:46,665
Excuse me, my love.
1076
00:56:54,423 --> 00:56:55,799
This better be good.
1077
00:56:57,384 --> 00:56:58,593
Well...
1078
00:57:00,095 --> 00:57:02,055
What's going on, Tony?
1079
00:57:02,222 --> 00:57:06,435
Okay, um, I-I thought you
should hear it from me first.
1080
00:57:06,601 --> 00:57:11,231
Michael Jackson just released
a new single called Beat It.
1081
00:57:11,398 --> 00:57:13,316
It's, um...
1082
00:57:13,483 --> 00:57:16,027
Well, it's-it's a parody
of Eat It.
1083
00:57:16,194 --> 00:57:18,780
You mean the kid from
the Jackson Five?
1084
00:57:18,947 --> 00:57:21,283
Why is that has-been trying
to ride my coattails?
1085
00:57:21,450 --> 00:57:23,952
He actually has a pretty
successful solo career now.
1086
00:57:24,119 --> 00:57:25,662
Whatever! You're telling me
1087
00:57:25,829 --> 00:57:27,831
Michael Jackson recorded
a parody of my song?
1088
00:57:27,998 --> 00:57:29,332
[Tony]
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
1089
00:57:29,499 --> 00:57:30,876
Same music, different words.
1090
00:57:31,042 --> 00:57:32,586
What kinda sick freak
changes the words
1091
00:57:32,752 --> 00:57:34,463
to someone else's song?
1092
00:57:35,547 --> 00:57:37,299
Beat It, huh?
1093
00:57:37,466 --> 00:57:39,384
Wait, so it's about eggs?
1094
00:57:39,551 --> 00:57:40,969
No, no, it's, uh, I don't
think it's even about food.
1095
00:57:41,136 --> 00:57:43,013
It's about fighting or...
1096
00:57:43,180 --> 00:57:45,098
trying to avoid a fight?
I'm not exactly sure...
1097
00:57:45,265 --> 00:57:49,186
What gives him the right?
Can he even do this?
1098
00:57:49,352 --> 00:57:51,313
I think you're overreacting
just a little, okay?
1099
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:53,940
I mean, this could be
great publicity.
1100
00:57:54,107 --> 00:57:55,484
Sell a few more albums.
1101
00:57:55,650 --> 00:57:58,236
No, I don't need to
sell more albums, Tony!
1102
00:57:58,403 --> 00:58:00,489
I need people to start
taking me seriously
1103
00:58:00,655 --> 00:58:02,616
as an artist
that creates original music.
1104
00:58:02,782 --> 00:58:04,576
Now some idiots
will probably get confused
1105
00:58:04,743 --> 00:58:07,245
and think Beat It came first!
1106
00:58:07,412 --> 00:58:08,830
Nobody's gonna think that.
1107
00:58:08,997 --> 00:58:11,249
This is a disaster,
for the rest of my life now,
1108
00:58:11,416 --> 00:58:13,335
I'm gonna be linked to
this Michael Jackson guy.
1109
00:58:13,502 --> 00:58:15,253
And why would that be so bad?
1110
00:58:15,420 --> 00:58:17,464
You know, maybe it's a good
thing. I-I think it's an honor.
1111
00:58:17,464 --> 00:58:19,382
Michael's one of the biggest
stars in the world.
1112
00:58:20,967 --> 00:58:24,304
[phone slamming repeatedly]
1113
00:58:28,058 --> 00:58:29,100
Everything okay?
1114
00:58:29,267 --> 00:58:31,770
Everything's pretty
freaking not okay.
1115
00:58:31,937 --> 00:58:33,563
I finally created something
of my own
1116
00:58:33,730 --> 00:58:35,273
and now people are just gonna
think I'm ripping off
1117
00:58:35,273 --> 00:58:36,983
"Michael Jackson."
1118
00:58:37,150 --> 00:58:38,985
Your filet?
1119
00:58:39,152 --> 00:58:41,196
- [growls]
- [dishes clattering]
1120
00:58:41,363 --> 00:58:43,532
I think I lost my appetite.
1121
00:58:43,698 --> 00:58:46,701
Babe, you seem stressed.
You should have a drink.
1122
00:58:46,868 --> 00:58:49,037
I don't really drink.
1123
00:58:49,204 --> 00:58:50,455
If there's one thing
I've learned in life,
1124
00:58:50,455 --> 00:58:52,332
the only thing
that can clear your head
1125
00:58:52,499 --> 00:58:54,960
and make you feel better is
hard alcohol, and lots of it.
1126
00:58:55,126 --> 00:58:59,464
Well, you know me better
than anyone.
1127
00:59:01,091 --> 00:59:02,092
I trust you.
1128
00:59:03,635 --> 00:59:05,053
He'll have a whiskey, neat.
1129
00:59:05,220 --> 00:59:07,472
[Al sobbing]
1130
00:59:09,641 --> 00:59:12,519
You know what? Maybe you should
bring the whole bottle.
1131
00:59:22,404 --> 00:59:24,948
- [Al laughs] I know, right?
- [Madonna laughing]
1132
00:59:25,115 --> 00:59:29,869
Hey, hey. The king is here!
Let's get this party started.
1133
00:59:30,036 --> 00:59:33,206
Dude, sound check was supposed
to start like three hours ago.
1134
00:59:33,373 --> 00:59:37,836
Well, I wasn't here three hours
ago, so we're starting now.
1135
00:59:38,003 --> 00:59:39,838
Al, are you drunk?
1136
00:59:40,005 --> 00:59:41,256
[Al] I'm not drunk,
you're all drunk.
1137
00:59:41,423 --> 00:59:42,799
No, this is pointless.
1138
00:59:42,966 --> 00:59:45,218
Hey, man, why don't you
just get out of here?
1139
00:59:45,385 --> 00:59:47,637
I need to get out of here?
You need to get out of here!
1140
00:59:47,804 --> 00:59:49,139
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Guys, guys!
1141
00:59:49,306 --> 00:59:51,850
Al, look, it's the first show
of the tour tonight.
1142
00:59:52,017 --> 00:59:53,810
It's kind of a big deal.
1143
00:59:53,977 --> 00:59:55,312
Do you think you could maybe
not screw this up for everybody?
1144
00:59:55,312 --> 00:59:58,315
Oh, what-what-what are
you gonna do, fire me?
1145
00:59:58,481 --> 01:00:01,693
You guys are nothing without me.
1146
01:00:01,860 --> 01:00:04,655
Yeah, I could replace
you with a drum machine
1147
01:00:04,822 --> 01:00:08,492
and you with a guitar machine
1148
01:00:08,659 --> 01:00:11,162
and you with a...
1149
01:00:11,329 --> 01:00:13,122
I don't know,
with some other machine.
1150
01:00:13,289 --> 01:00:15,541
You're all just a bunch
of normals, okay,
1151
01:00:15,708 --> 01:00:19,337
I'm the weird one!
I am the weird one!
1152
01:00:25,301 --> 01:00:28,304
Okay. That's it.
1153
01:00:36,062 --> 01:00:37,480
You've changed, man.
1154
01:00:39,190 --> 01:00:42,151
- Fame's really gotten to you.
- [mocking mumbling]
1155
01:00:42,318 --> 01:00:43,819
Wow.
1156
01:00:47,156 --> 01:00:48,741
Look, just get yourself
cleaned up
1157
01:00:48,908 --> 01:00:50,284
for the show tonight, all right?
1158
01:00:54,163 --> 01:00:55,748
- You're a mess.
- Yeah.
1159
01:01:01,712 --> 01:01:03,464
They seem nice.
1160
01:01:03,631 --> 01:01:04,548
Yeah, they're great.
1161
01:01:06,801 --> 01:01:09,845
- Al?
- Oh, what do you want?
1162
01:01:10,012 --> 01:01:11,681
Can I talk to you for a minute?
1163
01:01:14,433 --> 01:01:15,476
Privately?
1164
01:01:15,643 --> 01:01:16,936
Look, anything you
wanna say to me,
1165
01:01:17,103 --> 01:01:19,313
you can say
in front of my girlfriend.
1166
01:01:20,940 --> 01:01:22,942
[sighs] Okay, fine.
1167
01:01:23,943 --> 01:01:25,778
I think Madonna's
a bad influence on you.
1168
01:01:25,945 --> 01:01:28,656
[scoffs] I think she's an evil,
conniving succubus,
1169
01:01:28,823 --> 01:01:31,492
and she's only using you for
her pathetic and selfish needs.
1170
01:01:31,659 --> 01:01:33,119
- What?
- No offense.
1171
01:01:33,285 --> 01:01:37,456
She only wants you for that
sweet, sweet Yankovic Bump.
1172
01:01:37,623 --> 01:01:39,250
She knows her record sales
1173
01:01:39,417 --> 01:01:41,252
will go through the roof
if you parody her.
1174
01:01:41,419 --> 01:01:43,337
How dare you.
1175
01:01:43,504 --> 01:01:47,800
This woman is the greatest thing
that has ever happened to me.
1176
01:01:47,967 --> 01:01:51,595
And besides, I already told her
I'm not doing any more, um...
1177
01:01:51,762 --> 01:01:54,432
Any more...
The thing you said.
1178
01:01:54,598 --> 01:01:56,183
- Song parodies.
- Song parodies!
1179
01:01:56,350 --> 01:01:58,060
You're so drunk right now,
1180
01:01:58,227 --> 01:02:00,146
I bet you couldn't even
give her that Yankovic Bump.
1181
01:02:00,146 --> 01:02:01,021
That's not true!
1182
01:02:01,188 --> 01:02:04,024
That's not true, I'll come up
with that song parody right now.
1183
01:02:04,191 --> 01:02:07,403
Instead of "Like a Virgin,"
it'll be "Like a..."
1184
01:02:07,570 --> 01:02:08,654
Like a...
1185
01:02:10,656 --> 01:02:11,907
Like a...
1186
01:02:12,074 --> 01:02:14,201
Shut up, it's impossible!
Nothing rhymes with virgin.
1187
01:02:14,368 --> 01:02:15,619
Al, listen.
1188
01:02:16,704 --> 01:02:18,289
You gotta take care of yourself.
1189
01:02:18,456 --> 01:02:20,166
When she's done with you,
she's gonna drop you
1190
01:02:20,332 --> 01:02:21,917
like a sack of spoiled cabbage.
1191
01:02:22,084 --> 01:02:24,462
No, no, shut up, shut up!
You're not my dad.
1192
01:02:24,628 --> 01:02:27,798
You think you're my dad,
but you are not my dad.
1193
01:02:31,260 --> 01:02:33,554
[Madonna] Baby?
Baby, where are you going?
1194
01:02:33,721 --> 01:02:35,848
I'm goin' for a drive to
clear my mind, on my own.
1195
01:02:36,015 --> 01:02:39,518
No, no, no, no, no.
You cannot go.
1196
01:02:41,771 --> 01:02:43,397
Without your car keys.
1197
01:02:43,564 --> 01:02:46,776
[exhales] Thank you so much.
1198
01:03:01,707 --> 01:03:03,459
[radio DJ]
Well, we can't wait.
1199
01:03:03,626 --> 01:03:05,920
Weird Al hits the stage
at Joe Robbie Stadium
1200
01:03:06,086 --> 01:03:07,797
tonight at eight o'clock,
1201
01:03:07,963 --> 01:03:09,590
and it's gonna be off the chain.
1202
01:03:09,757 --> 01:03:11,258
One for the history...
1203
01:03:11,425 --> 01:03:13,469
- ♪ Just eat it, eat it ♪
- [grunts]
1204
01:03:13,636 --> 01:03:16,555
♪ Another one rides the bus... ♪
1205
01:03:16,722 --> 01:03:18,766
» M-M-M-My bologna...
1206
01:03:18,933 --> 01:03:20,309
[groaning]
1207
01:03:20,476 --> 01:03:22,186
♪ Have another triple scoop
With me... ♪
1208
01:03:22,353 --> 01:03:24,480
[radio DJ] Well, that was
multi-platinum recording artist
1209
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:27,025
"Weird Al" Yankovic with
I Love Rocky Road,
1210
01:03:27,192 --> 01:03:30,695
and my god, have you ever seen
a more durable pop artist?
1211
01:03:30,862 --> 01:03:32,280
Anything you throw at this guy,
1212
01:03:32,447 --> 01:03:34,783
he just seems capable
of surviving it.
1213
01:03:34,950 --> 01:03:37,577
I'll bet he could land a plane
into a volcano
1214
01:03:37,744 --> 01:03:40,080
- and still come out...
- [horn blaring]
1215
01:03:40,247 --> 01:03:43,208
[car crashing]
1216
01:03:43,375 --> 01:03:46,962
[overlapping chatter]
1217
01:03:50,340 --> 01:03:53,677
[monitor flat lining]
1218
01:03:56,930 --> 01:03:58,306
Dammit.
1219
01:04:00,517 --> 01:04:02,686
All right, nurse, let's call it.
1220
01:04:04,563 --> 01:04:06,606
Time of death: 7:30...
1221
01:04:06,773 --> 01:04:09,526
[screaming]
1222
01:04:09,693 --> 01:04:10,986
[panting]
1223
01:04:11,152 --> 01:04:12,654
Quick!
1224
01:04:12,821 --> 01:04:14,614
I need some paper
and a number two pencil.
1225
01:04:14,781 --> 01:04:16,283
Here you go, baby.
1226
01:04:16,449 --> 01:04:18,410
Excuse me, miss, he's
in no condition to be doing...
1227
01:04:18,410 --> 01:04:22,080
Look, there's no time, okay?
He's got a show in 30 minutes.
1228
01:04:22,247 --> 01:04:24,749
- All right.
- ["Like a Surgeon" plays]
1229
01:04:24,916 --> 01:04:26,918
Better give me
all your gauze, nurse.
1230
01:04:28,962 --> 01:04:30,380
[audience cheering]
1231
01:04:30,547 --> 01:04:33,967
♪ I finally made it through
Med school ♪
1232
01:04:34,134 --> 01:04:38,722
♪ Somehow I made it through ♪
1233
01:04:38,889 --> 01:04:40,265
♪ I'm just an intern ♪
1234
01:04:40,432 --> 01:04:44,311
♪ I still make a mistake
Or two ♪
1235
01:04:45,812 --> 01:04:49,524
♪ I was last in my class ♪
1236
01:04:49,691 --> 01:04:53,111
♪ Barely passed
At the institute ♪
1237
01:04:53,278 --> 01:04:57,198
♪ Now I'm trying to avoid ♪
1238
01:04:57,365 --> 01:05:00,452
♪ Yeah, I'm trying to avoid ♪
1239
01:05:00,619 --> 01:05:02,954
♪ A malpractice suit ♪
1240
01:05:04,873 --> 01:05:08,043
♪ Like a surgeon, hey! ♪
1241
01:05:08,209 --> 01:05:11,212
♪ Cuttin'
For the very first time ♪
1242
01:05:11,379 --> 01:05:12,339
Yes!
1243
01:05:12,505 --> 01:05:16,009
♪ Like a surgeon ♪
1244
01:05:16,176 --> 01:05:20,722
♪ Here's a waiver
For you to sign ♪
1245
01:05:20,889 --> 01:05:24,601
[monitor beeping]
1246
01:05:27,062 --> 01:05:30,440
This is all for you, babe.
I love you so much.
1247
01:05:31,524 --> 01:05:32,567
I think I should have
1248
01:05:32,734 --> 01:05:34,152
stuck around for that
blood transfusion, though.
1249
01:05:34,152 --> 01:05:36,488
- I think I'm gonna pass out.
- No, babe, you're killing it.
1250
01:05:37,030 --> 01:05:38,990
- Now get back out there.
- Okay.
1251
01:05:42,911 --> 01:05:45,163
♪ Like a surgeon ♪
1252
01:05:45,330 --> 01:05:49,209
♪ Ooh-hoo, like a surgeon ♪
1253
01:05:49,376 --> 01:05:52,754
♪ When I reach inside ♪
1254
01:05:52,921 --> 01:05:56,675
♪ With my scalpel
And my forceps ♪
1255
01:05:56,841 --> 01:06:01,262
♪ And retractors
Oh-ho-oh-oh-oh ♪
1256
01:06:01,429 --> 01:06:06,518
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-ho ♪
- [monitor beeping]
1257
01:06:09,062 --> 01:06:13,024
♪ Ooh, baby, yeah ♪
1258
01:06:13,191 --> 01:06:15,318
♪ I can hear your heart beat ♪
1259
01:06:17,278 --> 01:06:19,364
♪ For the very last time ♪
1260
01:06:19,531 --> 01:06:23,118
- [monitor flat lining]
- [audience cheering]
1261
01:06:28,832 --> 01:06:32,419
Okay, babe, you have
a costume change, one more song,
1262
01:06:32,585 --> 01:06:34,254
and then we can go home
and sleep it off.
1263
01:06:34,421 --> 01:06:35,422
[Al] Okay.
1264
01:06:39,968 --> 01:06:41,219
No, no, no, no.
1265
01:06:41,386 --> 01:06:43,054
What-what is that?
I'm not wearing that.
1266
01:06:43,221 --> 01:06:44,431
It's your Eat it jacket, babe.
1267
01:06:44,597 --> 01:06:45,598
No, not anymore, it's not.
1268
01:06:45,765 --> 01:06:47,726
That is a Michael Jackson
jacket now.
1269
01:06:47,892 --> 01:06:49,310
I don't wanna see it.
Get that outta my face.
1270
01:06:49,477 --> 01:06:51,105
You don't have to wear it
if you don't want to.
1271
01:06:51,105 --> 01:06:53,691
Now just drink up.
Yeah, that's good, yeah.
1272
01:06:54,525 --> 01:06:57,361
Little more, little more.
That's the medicine.
1273
01:06:57,528 --> 01:06:59,071
[audience cheering]
1274
01:06:59,238 --> 01:07:01,240
["Eat It" playing]
1275
01:07:23,262 --> 01:07:25,056
[music fades out]
1276
01:07:25,222 --> 01:07:27,433
[audience booing]
1277
01:07:30,853 --> 01:07:35,733
Boo, boo, boo, boo!
1278
01:07:35,900 --> 01:07:39,111
Yeah, that's what
you sound like. Boo!
1279
01:07:40,613 --> 01:07:43,908
Oh, what? You want,
do you wanna hear Eat It?
1280
01:07:44,075 --> 01:07:45,284
- [audience cheering]
- Do you?
1281
01:07:45,451 --> 01:07:48,245
Okay, here goes.
[blows raspberry]
1282
01:07:48,412 --> 01:07:51,290
[audience booing]
1283
01:07:53,793 --> 01:07:56,337
You're all a bunch of slaves!
1284
01:07:57,213 --> 01:07:58,631
- You're morons.
- [audience booing]
1285
01:07:58,798 --> 01:08:00,216
Idiots!
1286
01:08:01,300 --> 01:08:04,553
Oh, what, what, you paid good
money to see a show?
1287
01:08:04,720 --> 01:08:08,557
You worked your little butts off
at some dangerous factory?
1288
01:08:08,724 --> 01:08:12,686
God only knows what
they make there!
1289
01:08:12,853 --> 01:08:14,688
No one will tell you that.
1290
01:08:17,149 --> 01:08:19,276
[guitar strumming gently]
1291
01:08:19,443 --> 01:08:22,530
What do they make
in the factory?
1292
01:08:22,696 --> 01:08:24,365
What do they make?
1293
01:08:26,617 --> 01:08:30,287
Do you like getting
pushed around?
1294
01:08:30,454 --> 01:08:32,998
You like letting everybody
push you around?
1295
01:08:33,165 --> 01:08:36,961
Yeah, I think you do.
I think you like it.
1296
01:08:37,670 --> 01:08:40,923
You like letting your dad
push you around?
1297
01:08:41,090 --> 01:08:42,550
[audience] No!
1298
01:08:42,716 --> 01:08:45,344
You like letting Michael Jackson
push you around?
1299
01:08:45,511 --> 01:08:49,140
- [audience] No!
- [psychedelic rock music]
1300
01:08:49,306 --> 01:08:52,726
Well, what are you
gonna do about it?
1301
01:08:52,893 --> 01:08:55,271
What are you gonna do about it?
1302
01:08:55,437 --> 01:08:59,066
- [audience cheering]
- What are you gonna do?
1303
01:09:02,403 --> 01:09:05,906
So... you wanna see it?
1304
01:09:06,073 --> 01:09:09,743
- [audience cheering]
- [chuckles]
1305
01:09:09,910 --> 01:09:11,996
Do you want me to
show it to you?
1306
01:09:12,163 --> 01:09:14,707
[audience cheering]
1307
01:09:14,874 --> 01:09:16,750
I'm gonna whip it out!
1308
01:09:16,917 --> 01:09:19,253
[audience cheering]
1309
01:09:19,420 --> 01:09:21,380
You don't think
I'll do it, do you?
1310
01:09:21,547 --> 01:09:24,675
I haven't whipped it out yet
but I'm gonna do it for you,
1311
01:09:24,842 --> 01:09:28,053
but only if you really
want me to.
1312
01:09:28,220 --> 01:09:30,681
[audience cheering]
1313
01:09:30,848 --> 01:09:33,142
Okay, here goes!
1314
01:09:34,977 --> 01:09:36,645
Yeah!
1315
01:09:36,812 --> 01:09:38,480
[crowd cheering]
1316
01:09:38,647 --> 01:09:41,317
- [psychedelic rock music]
- [Al] Get off me! Get off me!
1317
01:09:45,905 --> 01:09:47,990
[reporter] We're sorry
to interrupt
1318
01:09:48,157 --> 01:09:50,117
the President's address,
but we have breaking news.
1319
01:09:50,284 --> 01:09:53,037
Parody songsmith
"Weird Al" Yankovic
1320
01:09:53,204 --> 01:09:54,788
was arrested earlier tonight
1321
01:09:54,955 --> 01:09:57,583
in Miami-Dade County
for lewd behavior.
1322
01:09:57,750 --> 01:10:00,252
[crowd yelling]
1323
01:10:03,756 --> 01:10:05,758
[Madonna]
Okay. Here's my thought.
1324
01:10:05,925 --> 01:10:08,093
I think this is a really great
idea, I hope you like it.
1325
01:10:08,260 --> 01:10:09,970
We team up, right?
1326
01:10:10,137 --> 01:10:12,306
I'll write all the, you know,
good songs, the real ones,
1327
01:10:12,473 --> 01:10:14,683
and then you parody them
every time.
1328
01:10:14,850 --> 01:10:16,770
Bam, bam. It's perfect.
1329
01:10:18,647 --> 01:10:20,190
Sounds great.
1330
01:10:20,357 --> 01:10:21,733
It's foolproof,
we'll be unstoppable.
1331
01:10:21,900 --> 01:10:23,109
We'll be the hottest
power couple
1332
01:10:23,276 --> 01:10:24,903
in the entire music industry.
1333
01:10:25,070 --> 01:10:26,821
What would our power
couple name be?
1334
01:10:26,988 --> 01:10:31,117
I'm thinking Madankovic
or Madonnavic
1335
01:10:31,284 --> 01:10:34,246
or maybe just Madonna.
1336
01:10:35,580 --> 01:10:37,916
There'll be plenty of time
to figure all of that out.
1337
01:10:38,083 --> 01:10:39,918
But can you imagine
the world tour?
1338
01:10:40,085 --> 01:10:43,338
Madonna... with Weird Al.
1339
01:10:44,673 --> 01:10:47,926
All that money?
I just got the tingles.
1340
01:10:50,845 --> 01:10:53,390
But I mean, you're okay
with all of this, right?
1341
01:10:54,474 --> 01:10:55,850
Look, babe, I'm...
1342
01:10:57,644 --> 01:11:01,231
I'm seriously okay
with anything you wanna do.
1343
01:11:02,524 --> 01:11:06,361
I mean, look at me.
I'm a train wreck.
1344
01:11:06,528 --> 01:11:09,322
I'm barely holding it together.
1345
01:11:09,489 --> 01:11:12,075
My parents wrote me off.
1346
01:11:12,242 --> 01:11:16,288
I pushed away my band,
Dr. Demento,
1347
01:11:16,454 --> 01:11:18,707
everyone who was
important to me.
1348
01:11:21,209 --> 01:11:22,419
You're all I got.
1349
01:11:23,461 --> 01:11:26,798
You are literally the only thing
I have left in the world,
1350
01:11:26,965 --> 01:11:31,428
and if anything happened to you,
I don't know what I would do.
1351
01:11:31,594 --> 01:11:33,221
[muffled screaming]
1352
01:11:33,388 --> 01:11:36,391
No, no! No!
1353
01:11:36,558 --> 01:11:38,852
Relax, Mr. Yankovic.
1354
01:11:39,019 --> 01:11:40,603
We only wanna borrow
your girlfriend.
1355
01:11:40,770 --> 01:11:43,565
Just stay calm and
nothing will happen to you.
1356
01:11:43,732 --> 01:11:46,484
Please, sir, please.
Whatever you do...
1357
01:11:46,651 --> 01:11:48,445
[gun firing]
1358
01:11:48,611 --> 01:11:50,196
[thug screaming]
1359
01:11:50,363 --> 01:11:51,740
Don't hurt me.
1360
01:11:52,824 --> 01:11:54,159
[grunts]
1361
01:11:54,326 --> 01:11:56,369
- Help me!
- Madonna!
1362
01:11:56,536 --> 01:12:00,040
[thugs screaming]
1363
01:12:00,206 --> 01:12:02,584
- [Al] Hiya!
- [table breaks]
1364
01:12:02,751 --> 01:12:04,753
[grunting]
1365
01:12:11,551 --> 01:12:13,720
[electricity sparking]
1366
01:12:13,887 --> 01:12:15,430
[thug growling]
1367
01:12:15,597 --> 01:12:18,266
[dish breaking]
1368
01:12:18,433 --> 01:12:21,728
[yelling]
1369
01:12:21,895 --> 01:12:24,356
[towel snapping]
1370
01:12:24,522 --> 01:12:26,524
[grunting]
1371
01:12:36,451 --> 01:12:38,703
[pan clanging]
1372
01:12:46,378 --> 01:12:49,422
- [sizzling]
- Die, die!
1373
01:12:51,758 --> 01:12:54,219
- [bell dinging]
- Order up.
1374
01:12:56,179 --> 01:12:58,973
Pablo Escobar sends his regards!
1375
01:12:59,140 --> 01:13:02,352
[tires screeching]
1376
01:13:06,106 --> 01:13:10,276
Pablo Escobar, you just made the
biggest mistake of your life.
1377
01:13:10,443 --> 01:13:12,946
[breathes deeply]
1378
01:13:19,744 --> 01:13:21,037
Getting eaten alive out here!
1379
01:13:22,956 --> 01:13:24,207
Got a smoke?
1380
01:13:25,458 --> 01:13:26,418
Yeah.
1381
01:13:27,043 --> 01:13:28,169
Here you go.
1382
01:13:32,048 --> 01:13:33,049
[high-pitched whistling]
1383
01:13:33,216 --> 01:13:34,134
You hear that?
1384
01:13:34,551 --> 01:13:36,886
Yeah.
I think it came from over there.
1385
01:13:52,278 --> 01:13:53,362
Over there!
1386
01:13:58,367 --> 01:13:59,368
We got him.
1387
01:14:08,419 --> 01:14:09,420
Wait a second.
1388
01:14:12,673 --> 01:14:13,757
This isn't a man.
1389
01:14:15,468 --> 01:14:16,927
It's a hay boy!
1390
01:14:17,761 --> 01:14:19,472
- [guard grunting]
- [gun firing]
1391
01:14:19,638 --> 01:14:20,931
[neck snapping]
1392
01:14:23,601 --> 01:14:25,019
[gun cocking]
1393
01:14:26,687 --> 01:14:28,647
This'll do.
1394
01:14:28,814 --> 01:14:31,442
[Mariachi music playing]
1395
01:14:43,579 --> 01:14:45,956
So, then I'm stomping on him and
stomping him with my boots,
1396
01:14:46,123 --> 01:14:47,666
and he's calling for
his mom and I'm like,
1397
01:14:47,833 --> 01:14:49,793
"Stop being so extra."
You know, it's like...
1398
01:14:49,960 --> 01:14:52,296
[gasping] Oh, my goodness!
1399
01:14:52,463 --> 01:14:53,839
Ha-ha!
That better not be vanilla.
1400
01:14:54,006 --> 01:14:55,299
Who was it?
1401
01:14:55,466 --> 01:14:57,718
- No, who was it?
- [Al] Escobar!
1402
01:14:57,885 --> 01:15:00,971
Oh, Mr. Yankovic.
1403
01:15:01,138 --> 01:15:04,225
We've been expecting you.
Welcome, welcome.
1404
01:15:04,391 --> 01:15:08,729
As you know, I am a huge,
huge fan of your music.
1405
01:15:08,896 --> 01:15:11,982
I got all of your albums through
the Columbia House Record Club.
1406
01:15:12,149 --> 01:15:15,444
Twelve for one penny, you guys.
Really great deal.
1407
01:15:15,611 --> 01:15:16,987
Really great deal.
1408
01:15:17,154 --> 01:15:20,824
Anyway... Oops.
I hope you will forgive me
1409
01:15:20,991 --> 01:15:22,910
for kidnapping
your lovely girlfriend.
1410
01:15:23,077 --> 01:15:25,663
It just seemed like
that was the only way
1411
01:15:25,829 --> 01:15:28,791
to guarantee that you would
come to my birthday party.
1412
01:15:28,958 --> 01:15:30,876
Your agent, oy,
1413
01:15:31,043 --> 01:15:32,545
a real nightmare to deal with,
if I'm gonna be honest.
1414
01:15:32,711 --> 01:15:34,255
Real vicious guy.
1415
01:15:34,421 --> 01:15:36,465
You know, I'm sorry. Let me
turn down the music, please.
1416
01:15:36,465 --> 01:15:37,925
Just a little annoying, yeah.
1417
01:15:38,092 --> 01:15:39,426
[gun firing]
1418
01:15:39,593 --> 01:15:41,679
[Mariachi band shouting]
1419
01:15:44,098 --> 01:15:46,684
[laughs] I can hear
myself think now.
1420
01:15:46,850 --> 01:15:48,852
It's so noisy up in there.
Aah, the voices. [chuckles]
1421
01:15:49,019 --> 01:15:51,313
Oh. Oh, where are my manners?
1422
01:15:51,480 --> 01:15:53,148
We were just about
to cut the cake.
1423
01:15:53,315 --> 01:15:54,692
May I offer you a slice?
1424
01:15:54,858 --> 01:15:56,151
Let's get him a slice, please.
1425
01:15:56,318 --> 01:15:58,112
No. No cake.
1426
01:15:58,279 --> 01:16:00,698
Okay, Mr. Diet.
[laughing]
1427
01:16:00,864 --> 01:16:01,991
More for us, am I right?
1428
01:16:02,157 --> 01:16:04,994
I just want my woman,
then I'll go.
1429
01:16:06,537 --> 01:16:10,457
Ah, you want your woman. Okay.
1430
01:16:10,624 --> 01:16:15,045
[sniffs] I'm afraid that's
not how it works, Mr. Yankovic.
1431
01:16:15,212 --> 01:16:18,048
You see, you can't leave
until you perform for me.
1432
01:16:18,215 --> 01:16:20,092
- Do you understand me?
- No dice.
1433
01:16:20,259 --> 01:16:22,595
Not gonna happen.
I'm not your monkey.
1434
01:16:22,761 --> 01:16:24,013
I can do Borderline.
1435
01:16:24,179 --> 01:16:26,473
No, I don't want that.
I want him.
1436
01:16:26,640 --> 01:16:29,893
Mr. Yankovic, why-why
all the drama?
1437
01:16:30,060 --> 01:16:32,021
I mean, you're already here.
1438
01:16:32,187 --> 01:16:35,482
Just perform one measly song for
us and then you guys can leave.
1439
01:16:35,649 --> 01:16:38,819
Come on, just one song, no?
1440
01:16:38,986 --> 01:16:41,488
How about that wonderful
1441
01:16:41,655 --> 01:16:44,074
Michael Jackson parody
that you did, huh?
1442
01:16:45,409 --> 01:16:48,579
That's not a parody!
1443
01:16:48,746 --> 01:16:53,917
- [indistinct shouting]
- [screams]
1444
01:16:54,084 --> 01:16:56,587
[guns firing]
1445
01:17:14,898 --> 01:17:18,735
Stop! Stop! It's my birthday!
Stop it! Stop it!
1446
01:17:21,279 --> 01:17:24,199
Well, first off, rude. Okay?
1447
01:17:24,366 --> 01:17:26,034
And second of all,
if you really,
1448
01:17:26,201 --> 01:17:28,495
really don't wanna entertain us,
then fine.
1449
01:17:28,662 --> 01:17:30,038
You can just leave.
1450
01:17:32,082 --> 01:17:34,292
Wait, so, so we can just go?
1451
01:17:35,710 --> 01:17:38,380
Yeah, you can go whenever
you want.
1452
01:17:39,297 --> 01:17:41,049
Psych!
1453
01:17:41,216 --> 01:17:42,842
No!
1454
01:17:43,843 --> 01:17:46,304
[Madonna crying]
1455
01:17:47,597 --> 01:17:49,391
Very unfortunate.
1456
01:17:49,557 --> 01:17:53,436
He was like a God among men,
and now just worm food.
1457
01:17:53,603 --> 01:17:54,813
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
1458
01:17:54,979 --> 01:17:58,316
Anyway, back to the party.
Should we cut the cake or...?
1459
01:17:58,483 --> 01:18:00,610
[Al grunts]
1460
01:18:00,777 --> 01:18:04,072
Hey, Pablo,
you forgot one thing.
1461
01:18:06,116 --> 01:18:07,659
I'm certified platinum.
1462
01:18:10,870 --> 01:18:12,163
Hey, Escobar.
1463
01:18:13,248 --> 01:18:14,749
Eat it.
1464
01:18:14,916 --> 01:18:16,835
[groaning]
1465
01:18:22,924 --> 01:18:25,593
Okay, let's get outta here.
1466
01:18:25,760 --> 01:18:28,805
[groaning]
1467
01:18:28,972 --> 01:18:31,391
I just gotta get this medallion.
1468
01:18:31,558 --> 01:18:36,354
Okay. [grunts]
Oh, it's in there. Ah.
1469
01:18:36,521 --> 01:18:39,691
Oh, gross, gross, gross,
gross, gross!
1470
01:18:44,195 --> 01:18:45,613
You just killed Pablo Escobar!
1471
01:18:45,780 --> 01:18:48,825
I know! I've killed so many
people this week.
1472
01:18:48,992 --> 01:18:51,745
Before last Thursday,
I never really killed anyone.
1473
01:18:52,620 --> 01:18:56,583
The things we do for love, huh?
Okay, come on. We gotta go.
1474
01:18:56,750 --> 01:19:00,545
Well, now, wait, wait, wait,
hear me out here.
1475
01:19:00,712 --> 01:19:03,381
With Escobar
out of the picture, maybe...
1476
01:19:04,466 --> 01:19:06,217
maybe we can run
the drug cartel.
1477
01:19:06,384 --> 01:19:07,802
Wait, what?
1478
01:19:07,969 --> 01:19:09,888
Supply and demand, baby.
1479
01:19:10,054 --> 01:19:12,474
Look, someone's gotta run
the cartel.
1480
01:19:12,640 --> 01:19:14,476
May as well be me. Us.
1481
01:19:14,642 --> 01:19:17,395
You can't be serious.
What about all our plans?
1482
01:19:17,562 --> 01:19:19,814
Writing songs together,
touring together.
1483
01:19:19,981 --> 01:19:22,734
Why rule the music industry
when you can rule the world?
1484
01:19:22,901 --> 01:19:25,779
All the money and power
is right here.
1485
01:19:25,945 --> 01:19:28,072
Madonna, that's...
1486
01:19:28,239 --> 01:19:30,158
No. No way.
1487
01:19:30,325 --> 01:19:34,412
My life is in America, and my
family would never forgive me
1488
01:19:34,579 --> 01:19:36,623
if I became involved
in a drug cartel.
1489
01:19:36,790 --> 01:19:39,417
Well, your family's
already disowned you, Al.
1490
01:19:39,584 --> 01:19:41,753
I'm all you've got, remember?
1491
01:19:42,796 --> 01:19:45,215
And we'll still be together.
1492
01:19:45,381 --> 01:19:47,383
I'll be the head of the cartel,
1493
01:19:48,134 --> 01:19:49,761
and you can be my number two.
1494
01:19:51,721 --> 01:19:52,764
Your number two.
1495
01:19:55,475 --> 01:19:59,646
I can't believe this.
Dr. Demento was right.
1496
01:19:59,813 --> 01:20:01,439
You were just using me
1497
01:20:01,606 --> 01:20:03,149
to further your own career,
weren't you?
1498
01:20:05,527 --> 01:20:08,363
Well... yeah.
1499
01:20:10,198 --> 01:20:12,408
My relationship with you
was a business decision...
1500
01:20:13,159 --> 01:20:14,244
and so is this.
1501
01:20:15,036 --> 01:20:17,622
It's all just business.
1502
01:20:20,500 --> 01:20:21,501
Wow.
1503
01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:27,090
Well, okay, then.
1504
01:20:29,051 --> 01:20:31,470
I guess... I guess that's it.
1505
01:20:37,226 --> 01:20:38,644
Have a nice life.
1506
01:20:47,236 --> 01:20:48,237
Whoa!
1507
01:20:50,114 --> 01:20:53,701
I can't let you leave, Al.
You know too much.
1508
01:20:53,868 --> 01:20:55,244
What are you talking about?
1509
01:20:56,829 --> 01:20:58,247
Stop that!
1510
01:20:59,206 --> 01:21:02,251
We could have made
such a beautiful team,
1511
01:21:02,418 --> 01:21:03,419
and you know what?
1512
01:21:03,586 --> 01:21:06,046
I decided I do like Weirdonna
better than Madonnavic.
1513
01:21:07,923 --> 01:21:09,383
But that's all over now.
1514
01:21:10,467 --> 01:21:13,762
Our partnership is officially
dissolved.
1515
01:21:16,891 --> 01:21:18,309
Goodbye, Madonna.
1516
01:21:24,523 --> 01:21:26,442
[crying]
1517
01:21:37,286 --> 01:21:40,915
[Al] Yeah. I had
a lot of soul-searching to do.
1518
01:21:41,081 --> 01:21:44,501
Was I a parody singer?
An original artist?
1519
01:21:44,668 --> 01:21:47,212
The most dangerous
assassin in the world?
1520
01:21:47,379 --> 01:21:49,465
Maybe I had lost my way.
1521
01:21:49,632 --> 01:21:51,216
Don't get me wrong,
there were things
1522
01:21:51,383 --> 01:21:53,302
I loved about being Weird Al.
1523
01:21:53,469 --> 01:21:55,346
The fame, the money,
1524
01:21:55,512 --> 01:21:58,098
the fancy dinners,
joining the Illuminati,
1525
01:21:58,265 --> 01:22:00,851
going to the Illuminati
holiday party,
1526
01:22:01,018 --> 01:22:04,355
learning the truth about
the moon landing and JFK.
1527
01:22:04,521 --> 01:22:08,150
But without my family,
none of that mattered.
1528
01:22:08,317 --> 01:22:10,235
I knew what I had to do.
1529
01:22:19,787 --> 01:22:21,413
[clock rings]
1530
01:22:25,960 --> 01:22:27,920
There it is, pretty simple.
1531
01:22:29,964 --> 01:22:34,176
When the light turns green,
you turn this crank to the left.
1532
01:22:34,343 --> 01:22:38,555
When it turns red, you stop
and pull this lever down.
1533
01:22:38,722 --> 01:22:41,684
When it turns green again,
you push this lever up
1534
01:22:41,850 --> 01:22:45,396
and turn this crank
back to the right.
1535
01:22:45,562 --> 01:22:48,816
Yep, that's about it.
Lunch is at 12:30.
1536
01:22:50,567 --> 01:22:52,111
Hey, can I ask you a question?
1537
01:22:53,153 --> 01:22:54,405
Sure.
1538
01:22:55,990 --> 01:22:57,491
What do we make here?
1539
01:22:59,076 --> 01:23:02,663
[laughs] Your old man
said you was funny.
1540
01:23:03,664 --> 01:23:06,875
That's a good one.
"What do we make here?"
1541
01:23:07,042 --> 01:23:08,627
[laughs]
1542
01:23:14,633 --> 01:23:15,843
[dings]
1543
01:23:16,927 --> 01:23:19,596
[crank squeaking]
1544
01:23:19,763 --> 01:23:23,350
[workers shouting indistinctly]
1545
01:23:24,560 --> 01:23:25,561
[dings]
1546
01:23:36,739 --> 01:23:39,825
[worker screaming]
Somebody help! My leg!
1547
01:23:39,992 --> 01:23:41,326
Oh, uh...
1548
01:23:41,493 --> 01:23:45,456
[worker]
It's burning me! Oh, my leg!
1549
01:23:45,622 --> 01:23:48,792
Ahh! Ahh! It burns!
1550
01:23:51,295 --> 01:23:52,254
Hey.
1551
01:23:52,421 --> 01:23:55,050
[woman over PA]
Cleanup crew to machine room.
1552
01:23:55,216 --> 01:23:56,968
You got a minute?
1553
01:23:57,135 --> 01:23:59,345
Well, what?
1554
01:24:01,639 --> 01:24:03,850
You want to take
a swing, old man?
1555
01:24:07,312 --> 01:24:08,480
No.
1556
01:24:10,815 --> 01:24:15,612
Just... what are you doing here?
1557
01:24:15,779 --> 01:24:18,740
What am I doing here? Really?
1558
01:24:20,450 --> 01:24:23,369
All my life, all I wanted to do
is please you,
1559
01:24:23,536 --> 01:24:25,205
but I was never enough.
1560
01:24:25,371 --> 01:24:28,333
You were always disappointed
in your "weird" son.
1561
01:24:28,500 --> 01:24:31,878
So yeah, I gave up
the most successful career
1562
01:24:32,045 --> 01:24:34,839
in music history to come work
at this miserable factory
1563
01:24:35,006 --> 01:24:36,633
because it's what
you've always wanted
1564
01:24:36,800 --> 01:24:38,927
and what, it is still
not enough for you?
1565
01:24:39,094 --> 01:24:40,553
I appreciate what you're doing.
1566
01:24:41,971 --> 01:24:44,349
This isn't the life for you.
1567
01:24:44,516 --> 01:24:46,976
Oh, what? So I'm not even
good at turning cranks now.
1568
01:24:47,143 --> 01:24:48,561
No, Alfred, that's
not what I'm saying.
1569
01:24:48,728 --> 01:24:50,271
What are you saying, then?
1570
01:24:56,069 --> 01:24:58,196
I was wrong to stand
in your way.
1571
01:25:00,949 --> 01:25:03,159
This isn't what you
were meant for.
1572
01:25:04,994 --> 01:25:06,162
You're special.
1573
01:25:07,705 --> 01:25:11,751
You're Weird Al,
and you're my son.
1574
01:25:14,671 --> 01:25:15,880
And I'm, uh...
1575
01:25:17,340 --> 01:25:18,633
I'm proud of you.
1576
01:25:26,224 --> 01:25:27,642
What are you doing?
1577
01:25:29,727 --> 01:25:31,187
[Nick chuckling]
1578
01:25:33,106 --> 01:25:34,107
Dad!
1579
01:25:34,274 --> 01:25:36,860
[laughing]
1580
01:25:40,864 --> 01:25:44,325
♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg ♪
1581
01:25:44,492 --> 01:25:48,454
♪ The Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker ran away, hey! ♪
1582
01:25:48,621 --> 01:25:49,831
[laughing]
1583
01:25:49,998 --> 01:25:51,291
Yeah, that's
an absolute classic.
1584
01:25:51,457 --> 01:25:54,210
[laughs] Whew.
1585
01:25:54,377 --> 01:25:56,713
Well, so Mom tells me you're
dating that singer Madonna.
1586
01:25:56,880 --> 01:26:00,341
Oh, um, no, we-we broke up.
1587
01:26:00,508 --> 01:26:03,303
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
What happened?
1588
01:26:03,469 --> 01:26:05,805
Yeah. It's-it's complicated.
1589
01:26:05,972 --> 01:26:08,683
Well, don't worry. There's
plenty of other fish in the sea.
1590
01:26:08,850 --> 01:26:12,478
So, so, what is it like?
What's it like being you?
1591
01:26:12,645 --> 01:26:16,024
You know, world-famous
superstar and all?
1592
01:26:16,191 --> 01:26:21,738
Well, um, it's-it's fun,
but it's also a lot of pressure.
1593
01:26:23,323 --> 01:26:26,701
The hardest part for me is
just coming up with new songs.
1594
01:26:26,868 --> 01:26:30,163
I-I never know where my
next idea's gonna come from.
1595
01:26:30,330 --> 01:26:33,499
And yeah, I-I honestly, I don't
know if I have it in me anymore.
1596
01:26:33,666 --> 01:26:36,669
Oh, nonsense.
I'm sure that next big idea
1597
01:26:36,836 --> 01:26:38,880
is just right there
in front of you.
1598
01:26:42,759 --> 01:26:45,428
Well, you may have noticed
I've put on a little weight.
1599
01:26:45,595 --> 01:26:46,971
Don't be silly, Ma.
You look great.
1600
01:26:47,138 --> 01:26:48,389
You do, dear. I think you look
1601
01:26:48,556 --> 01:26:50,058
wonderful with a few
extra pounds.
1602
01:26:50,225 --> 01:26:51,684
I think you're pleasingly plump.
1603
01:26:51,851 --> 01:26:54,771
Oh, Nick. You know I'm fat.
1604
01:26:54,938 --> 01:26:56,731
I'm fat, you know it.
1605
01:27:01,319 --> 01:27:02,654
What?
1606
01:27:02,820 --> 01:27:04,072
Wow.
1607
01:27:04,239 --> 01:27:05,782
Dad, can I ask you something?
1608
01:27:07,951 --> 01:27:11,704
Mom told me growing up,
you always had your reasons
1609
01:27:11,871 --> 01:27:13,623
for being so hard on me.
1610
01:27:17,586 --> 01:27:19,380
I think it's time, dear.
1611
01:27:22,466 --> 01:27:23,842
All right.
1612
01:27:37,523 --> 01:27:40,276
Oh, whoa.
1613
01:27:41,944 --> 01:27:46,115
I wrote it all down.
This should explain everything.
1614
01:27:46,282 --> 01:27:49,785
Okay, do you have maybe
a-a photo album
1615
01:27:49,952 --> 01:27:52,037
or we can just go through
the bullet points together?
1616
01:27:52,204 --> 01:27:55,165
I don't have a photo album,
but I have a sketchbook.
1617
01:27:55,332 --> 01:27:56,750
A sketchbook?
1618
01:27:59,169 --> 01:28:02,715
You see, we didn't
have any cameras
1619
01:28:02,881 --> 01:28:06,218
when I was growing up because...
1620
01:28:09,054 --> 01:28:11,098
I was raised Amish.
1621
01:28:12,266 --> 01:28:13,851
What, really?
1622
01:28:14,018 --> 01:28:16,979
[Nick] Yep. I grew up Amish.
1623
01:28:17,980 --> 01:28:20,733
Lived in the community for
the first 16 years of my life.
1624
01:28:20,899 --> 01:28:24,028
And frankly, I don't think I
ever really fit in
1625
01:28:24,194 --> 01:28:26,697
because, well, if
I'm being honest,
1626
01:28:26,864 --> 01:28:30,826
I was just as weird as you
when I was a kid.
1627
01:28:31,410 --> 01:28:33,746
Yeah, I even made up new words
to the hymns
1628
01:28:33,912 --> 01:28:35,914
that we sang during
church service.
1629
01:28:36,081 --> 01:28:38,292
- That didn't go over too well.
- [gasps]
1630
01:28:38,459 --> 01:28:40,377
[thunder rumbling]
1631
01:28:40,544 --> 01:28:43,088
[man]
That boy will never learn.
1632
01:28:43,255 --> 01:28:44,715
[Nick] And then when I was
a few years older,
1633
01:28:44,882 --> 01:28:46,925
I was able to go on rumspringa.
1634
01:28:47,092 --> 01:28:49,720
I finally had a chance to go
out into the great big world
1635
01:28:49,887 --> 01:28:53,474
and see what it had to offer.
1636
01:28:53,640 --> 01:28:56,143
And that's when I saw
the love of my life,
1637
01:28:56,310 --> 01:28:59,355
a 1933 Excelsior,
1638
01:28:59,521 --> 01:29:03,400
the finest accordion
there ever was.
1639
01:29:03,567 --> 01:29:07,821
Cost me every penny I had in
the world, but it was worth it.
1640
01:29:07,988 --> 01:29:10,282
So wait-wait-wait,
you had an accordion?
1641
01:29:10,449 --> 01:29:13,827
I did, I did, I did,
I was pretty good at it too.
1642
01:29:13,994 --> 01:29:16,413
I was not bad. I was
not bad at all.
1643
01:29:16,580 --> 01:29:18,165
I thought I was
the love of your life.
1644
01:29:18,332 --> 01:29:20,167
Oh, honey, you come
later, please. Anyway...
1645
01:29:20,334 --> 01:29:21,960
So, I tried for months
to make it
1646
01:29:22,127 --> 01:29:23,712
as a professional musician,
1647
01:29:23,879 --> 01:29:25,464
but it just wasn't
in God's plan.
1648
01:29:25,631 --> 01:29:27,216
[woman] Get outta here!
1649
01:29:27,383 --> 01:29:29,843
[Nick] Failure mocked me
at every waking moment.
1650
01:29:30,010 --> 01:29:31,637
[man]
Hey, there, squeeze box.
1651
01:29:31,804 --> 01:29:34,181
[Nick] I knew that I had to
give up my dream
1652
01:29:34,348 --> 01:29:37,267
and go back to the only life
that I'd ever known.
1653
01:29:37,434 --> 01:29:39,978
But when I tried to come back
to the Amish community,
1654
01:29:40,145 --> 01:29:42,606
well, the second they
saw that squeeze box,
1655
01:29:42,773 --> 01:29:45,442
I was immediately
excommunicated,
1656
01:29:45,609 --> 01:29:47,569
banished forever.
1657
01:29:47,736 --> 01:29:49,863
My whole world
was torn away from me.
1658
01:29:50,030 --> 01:29:51,949
All I knew was
I never wanted to see
1659
01:29:52,116 --> 01:29:55,869
another accordion again,
for as long as I lived.
1660
01:29:56,036 --> 01:29:58,414
So I got a job at the factory,
1661
01:29:58,580 --> 01:30:02,000
a place where I knew you could
get an honest day's wages
1662
01:30:02,167 --> 01:30:04,044
for an honest day's work.
1663
01:30:04,211 --> 01:30:05,838
And that's when I met...
1664
01:30:07,005 --> 01:30:08,632
the true love of my life.
1665
01:30:09,967 --> 01:30:11,635
Your mother.
1666
01:30:11,802 --> 01:30:13,262
[Al] Wow.
1667
01:30:13,429 --> 01:30:16,056
Dad, I... I never knew.
1668
01:30:18,350 --> 01:30:20,978
Of course you didn't.
How could you? I just told you.
1669
01:30:21,145 --> 01:30:23,313
I just... The whole
story was about...
1670
01:30:24,231 --> 01:30:28,569
Anyway, look, son, I hope
that you can forgive me
1671
01:30:28,735 --> 01:30:30,279
and I hope you understand.
1672
01:30:32,239 --> 01:30:33,907
I lost everything
1673
01:30:34,074 --> 01:30:37,369
and I didn't want you
to suffer the same sad fate.
1674
01:30:39,872 --> 01:30:42,000
I didn't want you
to get your dreams crushed,
1675
01:30:42,167 --> 01:30:45,503
so I thought I should
crush your ideas
1676
01:30:45,670 --> 01:30:47,505
before they could
turn into dreams.
1677
01:30:50,800 --> 01:30:53,344
Yeah, that makes sense.
1678
01:30:55,597 --> 01:30:56,973
Oh.
1679
01:30:58,016 --> 01:31:00,727
Oh, that's nothing. You can just
throw that thing out, that's...
1680
01:31:00,894 --> 01:31:02,395
- "Amish Paradise?"
- Nope.
1681
01:31:02,562 --> 01:31:03,938
Just tear that up in little
pieces and get rid of that.
1682
01:31:04,105 --> 01:31:07,275
Wait, Dad...
are these song lyrics?
1683
01:31:07,442 --> 01:31:09,194
That's just something stupid
I wrote a while ago.
1684
01:31:09,194 --> 01:31:10,778
It doesn't matter.
You can just...
1685
01:31:10,945 --> 01:31:13,198
No, no, no, Dad, these lyrics...
1686
01:31:14,782 --> 01:31:17,118
they're like a window
into your soul.
1687
01:31:18,119 --> 01:31:19,996
I don't think I've ever felt
more connected to you than this
1688
01:31:19,996 --> 01:31:21,623
in my entire life.
1689
01:31:25,001 --> 01:31:27,170
Well, I never had the chance
to perform it myself
1690
01:31:27,337 --> 01:31:29,839
because the dream
had already died.
1691
01:31:30,006 --> 01:31:33,635
I thought maybe someday,
but no, never mind.
1692
01:31:33,801 --> 01:31:37,764
Never mind. I guess no one
will ever hear this song.
1693
01:31:41,476 --> 01:31:44,938
That's it! That's it!
1694
01:31:45,104 --> 01:31:46,523
Mom!
1695
01:31:46,689 --> 01:31:48,816
What did you say like
a minute ago, about being fat?
1696
01:31:48,983 --> 01:31:50,068
We're onto something else now.
1697
01:31:50,068 --> 01:31:52,320
We were kind of having
a moment here, son.
1698
01:31:52,487 --> 01:31:53,738
[Mary] Read the room.
1699
01:31:53,905 --> 01:31:56,824
Yeah, I mean, I wrote the book
and did the whole thing.
1700
01:31:56,991 --> 01:31:58,326
- [Mary] Alfy!
- [Nick] The drawing.
1701
01:31:58,493 --> 01:31:59,911
[Mary] Listen to your father
when he's talking!
1702
01:31:59,911 --> 01:32:01,538
[Nick]
Does anything register with you?
1703
01:32:01,704 --> 01:32:04,582
Can you see my lips moving?
Nothing gets through to you.
1704
01:32:04,749 --> 01:32:06,918
♪ We been spendin'
Most our lives ♪
1705
01:32:07,085 --> 01:32:10,213
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1706
01:32:10,380 --> 01:32:12,549
♪ I've churned butter
Once or twice ♪
1707
01:32:12,715 --> 01:32:15,885
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1708
01:32:16,052 --> 01:32:18,221
♪ It's hard work
And sacrifice ♪
1709
01:32:18,388 --> 01:32:21,975
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1710
01:32:22,141 --> 01:32:24,727
♪ We sell quilts
At discount price ♪
1711
01:32:24,894 --> 01:32:27,564
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1712
01:32:27,730 --> 01:32:30,775
♪ Hitchin' up the buggy
Churnin' lots of butter ♪
1713
01:32:30,942 --> 01:32:33,403
♪ Raised a barn on Monday
Soon I'll raise another ♪
1714
01:32:33,570 --> 01:32:35,071
♪ Think you're really
Righteous? ♪
1715
01:32:35,238 --> 01:32:36,739
♪ Think you're pure in heart? ♪
1716
01:32:36,906 --> 01:32:39,325
♪ Well, I know I'm a million
Times as humble as thou art ♪
1717
01:32:39,492 --> 01:32:40,410
♪ I'm the pious guy ♪
1718
01:32:40,577 --> 01:32:42,203
♪ The little Amlettes
Wanna be like ♪
1719
01:32:42,370 --> 01:32:43,705
♪ On my knees day and night ♪
1720
01:32:43,871 --> 01:32:45,331
♪ Scorin' points
For the afterlife ♪
1721
01:32:45,498 --> 01:32:47,375
♪ So don't be vain
And don't be whiny ♪
1722
01:32:47,542 --> 01:32:48,876
♪ Or else, my brother ♪
1723
01:32:49,043 --> 01:32:51,254
♪ I might have to get
Medieval on your heinie ♪
1724
01:32:51,421 --> 01:32:53,840
♪ We been spendin'
Most our lives ♪
1725
01:32:54,007 --> 01:32:57,093
♪ Livin' in an Amish paradise ♪
1726
01:32:57,260 --> 01:32:59,178
♪ We're all crazy Mennonites ♪
1727
01:32:59,345 --> 01:33:00,555
♪ Livin' in an
Amish paradise... ♪
1728
01:33:00,722 --> 01:33:02,849
Man, I shoulda kept
the publishing rights.
1729
01:33:03,016 --> 01:33:05,059
♪ There's no cops
Or traffic lights ♪
1730
01:33:05,226 --> 01:33:08,521
♪ Livin'in an Amish paradise ♪
1731
01:33:08,688 --> 01:33:11,232
♪ But you'd probably
Think it bites ♪
1732
01:33:11,399 --> 01:33:14,444
♪ Livin'in an Amish paradise ♪
1733
01:33:14,611 --> 01:33:18,740
[choral singing]
1734
01:33:18,906 --> 01:33:19,824
Yecch!
1735
01:33:19,991 --> 01:33:22,952
[cheering]
1736
01:33:31,252 --> 01:33:33,171
[indistinct chatter]
1737
01:33:33,338 --> 01:33:35,590
It is so good to
have you back, man.
1738
01:33:35,757 --> 01:33:37,550
Yeah, I was starting
to miss the weird one.
1739
01:33:37,717 --> 01:33:40,553
Oh, I cannot believe
I ever said that to you guys.
1740
01:33:40,720 --> 01:33:41,804
I am so, so sorry.
1741
01:33:41,971 --> 01:33:43,389
[Bermuda]
Hey, you're an artist.
1742
01:33:43,556 --> 01:33:45,683
Being an abusive jerk
is all part of the process.
1743
01:33:45,850 --> 01:33:47,477
Yeah, name me one
creative genius
1744
01:33:47,644 --> 01:33:49,270
that doesn't have
a checkered past
1745
01:33:49,437 --> 01:33:51,939
involving drugs, alcohol
and a murderous rampage
1746
01:33:52,106 --> 01:33:53,608
through the heart of the jungle.
1747
01:33:53,775 --> 01:33:56,110
Yeah, I guess you're right.
1748
01:33:56,277 --> 01:33:57,862
I love you guys so much!
1749
01:33:59,489 --> 01:34:01,366
Yeah, yeah. See you out there.
1750
01:34:02,450 --> 01:34:04,369
[slow clapping]
1751
01:34:04,535 --> 01:34:06,580
Dr. D, you came!
1752
01:34:06,747 --> 01:34:09,208
Of course I came. I wouldn't
have missed it for the world.
1753
01:34:09,375 --> 01:34:11,627
And well, needless to say,
you were amazing.
1754
01:34:11,794 --> 01:34:14,213
Thank you. And I-I also,
1755
01:34:14,380 --> 01:34:16,590
I really wanna say
the way I treated you...
1756
01:34:16,757 --> 01:34:18,759
Stop. I'm gonna stop you
right there, okay?
1757
01:34:18,926 --> 01:34:20,260
No apologies necessary.
1758
01:34:20,427 --> 01:34:22,721
I have been thinking
a lot about what you said,
1759
01:34:22,888 --> 01:34:25,474
and I realized, Al, that...
1760
01:34:28,227 --> 01:34:31,897
you are like a son
to me and, uh...
1761
01:34:32,064 --> 01:34:35,150
Well, I never really had any
children of my own, so, uh...
1762
01:34:41,615 --> 01:34:43,033
I want to adopt you.
1763
01:34:48,122 --> 01:34:49,581
Will you be my son?
1764
01:34:51,291 --> 01:34:53,168
Wow.
1765
01:34:53,335 --> 01:34:58,215
Um, you... I... I just
made up with my dad.
1766
01:35:00,217 --> 01:35:01,468
You d... You did?
1767
01:35:01,635 --> 01:35:03,095
- Yeah.
- That's, wow. Okay.
1768
01:35:03,262 --> 01:35:04,471
Yeah. So yeah, we-we talked.
1769
01:35:04,638 --> 01:35:06,765
- Wow.
- We're-we're all good now.
1770
01:35:06,932 --> 01:35:08,142
Cool, the coolest. that's great.
1771
01:35:08,308 --> 01:35:10,018
- That's great.
- It is great.
1772
01:35:10,185 --> 01:35:11,603
Oh, good!
1773
01:35:11,770 --> 01:35:12,604
- Yeah.
- Cool.
1774
01:35:12,771 --> 01:35:14,148
Wow, that's so cool.
1775
01:35:14,314 --> 01:35:16,233
That's really cool.
That's so cool.
1776
01:35:16,400 --> 01:35:18,527
My... my category
is coming up really soon,
1777
01:35:18,694 --> 01:35:20,320
I think, so I should
probably go change?
1778
01:35:20,487 --> 01:35:21,905
You should... oh, you
should go. Yeah, definitely.
1779
01:35:21,905 --> 01:35:23,449
It's so good to see you.
1780
01:35:23,615 --> 01:35:25,325
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Okay.
1781
01:35:25,492 --> 01:35:28,454
- So good. Take care.
- All right.
1782
01:35:28,620 --> 01:35:32,332
[horn squeaking sadly]
1783
01:35:32,499 --> 01:35:35,002
[polite applause]
1784
01:35:35,169 --> 01:35:36,712
[announcer]
Please welcome to the stage
1785
01:35:36,879 --> 01:35:38,756
Grammy Award winner Diana Ross
1786
01:35:38,922 --> 01:35:43,469
and Intercontinental
WWF Champion Hulk Hogan.
1787
01:35:43,635 --> 01:35:46,597
As artists, we learn
to express ourselves
1788
01:35:46,764 --> 01:35:47,890
through our instruments.
1789
01:35:48,056 --> 01:35:52,770
Louis Armstrong had his trumpet
and Jimi Hendrix had his guitar.
1790
01:35:52,936 --> 01:35:55,814
And well, my instrument
is my voice.
1791
01:35:55,981 --> 01:35:59,318
[audience cheering]
1792
01:35:59,485 --> 01:36:00,944
That's right, Diana.
1793
01:36:01,111 --> 01:36:04,072
And my instruments
are these 24-inch pythons.
1794
01:36:04,239 --> 01:36:07,618
- Whoo!
- [polite applause]
1795
01:36:07,785 --> 01:36:11,538
No, no, Mary.
That's an oily man.
1796
01:36:14,041 --> 01:36:17,920
And now, the award
you've all been waiting for.
1797
01:36:18,086 --> 01:36:21,507
In the category of "Perhaps
Not Technically the Best
1798
01:36:21,673 --> 01:36:24,718
But Arguably the Most
Famous Accordion Player
1799
01:36:24,885 --> 01:36:28,472
in an Extremely
Specific Genre of Music."
1800
01:36:28,639 --> 01:36:30,474
And the award goes to...
1801
01:36:30,641 --> 01:36:33,769
[drumroll]
1802
01:36:39,191 --> 01:36:41,318
[both] "Weird Al" Yankovic!
1803
01:36:41,485 --> 01:36:44,988
[audience cheering]
1804
01:36:45,155 --> 01:36:47,491
[clapping]
1805
01:37:08,470 --> 01:37:11,098
Oh, thank you.
1806
01:37:11,265 --> 01:37:14,768
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, this is incredible.
1807
01:37:14,935 --> 01:37:16,854
This award means so much to me,
1808
01:37:17,020 --> 01:37:19,690
and in front of all
the billions of people watching
1809
01:37:19,857 --> 01:37:24,152
around the world right now,
all I want to say is...
1810
01:37:24,319 --> 01:37:26,488
See, Dad? I told you!
1811
01:37:26,655 --> 01:37:28,991
Yeah! In your face, old man!
1812
01:37:29,157 --> 01:37:32,453
- [laughing]
- Huh?
1813
01:37:32,620 --> 01:37:36,958
There are so many people here
tonight that I need to thank.
1814
01:37:37,125 --> 01:37:40,587
People who mean the world to me
and who made me
1815
01:37:40,753 --> 01:37:42,839
everything that I am today.
1816
01:37:43,006 --> 01:37:44,507
But they know who they are,
1817
01:37:44,674 --> 01:37:46,801
and I'm gonna
thank them all later privately.
1818
01:37:48,011 --> 01:37:50,847
Okay, I'm just gonna
wrap things up.
1819
01:37:51,014 --> 01:37:52,348
I don't have much time left.
1820
01:37:52,515 --> 01:37:55,852
I... Y'know, I'm gonna be around
for a good long time.
1821
01:37:56,019 --> 01:37:57,812
You don't have to
worry about that.
1822
01:37:57,979 --> 01:37:59,856
You're not gonna get rid of me
that easy.
1823
01:38:04,402 --> 01:38:07,697
- Waiting on your signal.
- [Madonna] Stand by.
1824
01:38:07,864 --> 01:38:11,576
But in my remaining few seconds,
I just wanna say...
1825
01:38:13,786 --> 01:38:16,122
live the life you wanna live.
1826
01:38:16,289 --> 01:38:19,125
You know, be as weird
as you wanna be.
1827
01:38:19,292 --> 01:38:22,003
Believe me, you will never
find true happiness
1828
01:38:22,170 --> 01:38:24,964
until you can truly
accept who you are.
1829
01:38:26,299 --> 01:38:29,969
And standing before all of you,
right here, right now,
1830
01:38:30,136 --> 01:38:34,557
I can honestly say I have
never been more happy
1831
01:38:34,724 --> 01:38:38,061
or more proud in my entire life.
1832
01:38:39,771 --> 01:38:41,064
Thank you.
1833
01:38:41,230 --> 01:38:43,149
[audience cheering]
1834
01:38:55,787 --> 01:38:58,039
Thank you! Thank you!
1835
01:39:04,754 --> 01:39:06,172
Take the shot.
1836
01:39:12,470 --> 01:39:14,722
No!
1837
01:42:01,431 --> 01:42:05,352
[screams]
1838
01:42:18,157 --> 01:42:22,703
♪ You thought you knew me?
Well, you better guess again ♪
1839
01:42:22,870 --> 01:42:25,497
♪ Now you know
The whole story ♪
1840
01:42:25,664 --> 01:42:28,041
♪ Now you've heard it all
My friend ♪
1841
01:42:28,208 --> 01:42:33,922
♪ You know all my dirty secrets
'Cause we spilled all the tea ♪
1842
01:42:34,089 --> 01:42:36,508
♪ There's nothin' left to hide
Baby ♪
1843
01:42:36,675 --> 01:42:40,679
♪ How you like the real me? ♪
1844
01:42:40,846 --> 01:42:45,684
♪ Yeah, the truth came out
We finally removed all doubt ♪
1845
01:42:45,851 --> 01:42:49,938
♪ If it's in a movie
It's gotta be true ♪
1846
01:42:50,105 --> 01:42:51,481
♪ Aw, yeah ♪
1847
01:42:51,648 --> 01:42:53,817
♪ If you never knew it before ♪
1848
01:42:53,984 --> 01:42:56,111
♪ You don't have
To wonder anymore ♪
1849
01:42:56,278 --> 01:43:00,490
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1850
01:43:02,451 --> 01:43:04,536
♪ Thought I ought a tell ya so ♪
1851
01:43:04,703 --> 01:43:06,622
♪ I shoulda done it long ago ♪
1852
01:43:06,788 --> 01:43:12,544
♪ But now you know
Now, now you know ♪
1853
01:43:12,711 --> 01:43:15,464
♪ Yeah, that's how it all
Went down, bro ♪
1854
01:43:15,631 --> 01:43:18,217
♪ We've proof-checked
Every fact ♪
1855
01:43:18,383 --> 01:43:20,636
♪ If you still
Don't believe it ♪
1856
01:43:21,220 --> 01:43:24,264
♪ Well
No skin off my back ♪
1857
01:43:24,431 --> 01:43:26,642
♪ Just don't call me a liar ♪
1858
01:43:26,808 --> 01:43:29,394
♪ 'Cause shut up
You weren't there ♪
1859
01:43:29,561 --> 01:43:32,564
♪ This movie is now canon ♪
1860
01:43:32,731 --> 01:43:35,984
♪ Every word is true, I swear ♪
1861
01:43:36,151 --> 01:43:38,153
♪ We only changed one thing ♪
1862
01:43:38,320 --> 01:43:41,573
♪ I really did play
Live Aid with Queen ♪
1863
01:43:41,740 --> 01:43:44,409
♪ And I blew 'em off
The freakin' stage ♪
1864
01:43:44,576 --> 01:43:46,870
♪ That's right ♪
1865
01:43:47,037 --> 01:43:49,498
♪ If you never knew it before ♪
1866
01:43:49,665 --> 01:43:51,500
♪ You don't have
To wonder anymore ♪
1867
01:43:51,667 --> 01:43:55,963
♪ 'Cause now you know
Now you know ♪
1868
01:43:58,048 --> 01:44:00,133
♪ Thought I ought a tell ya so ♪
1869
01:44:00,300 --> 01:44:02,135
♪ I shoulda done it long ago ♪
1870
01:44:02,302 --> 01:44:07,099
♪ But now you know
Now, now you know ♪
1871
01:44:07,975 --> 01:44:10,435
[sax solo]
1872
01:44:20,780 --> 01:44:22,824
♪ Aw, what a wild ride ♪
1873
01:44:22,991 --> 01:44:26,160
♪ How about that part
Where I died? ♪
1874
01:44:26,327 --> 01:44:29,038
♪ I was not expecting that! ♪
1875
01:44:30,957 --> 01:44:34,585
♪ But I'm back, baby ♪
1876
01:44:34,752 --> 01:44:39,382
♪ Here to wreak my zombie
Apocalypse upon you all ♪
1877
01:44:39,549 --> 01:44:44,429
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1878
01:44:44,595 --> 01:44:46,472
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1879
01:44:46,639 --> 01:44:48,474
♪ You know it ♪
1880
01:44:48,641 --> 01:44:50,393
♪ And the union-scale
Background singers sing ♪
1881
01:44:50,560 --> 01:44:55,481
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1882
01:44:55,648 --> 01:44:57,608
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1883
01:44:57,775 --> 01:45:00,445
♪ No fabrications
No exaggerations ♪
1884
01:45:00,611 --> 01:45:02,071
♪ It's the gospel truth ♪
1885
01:45:02,238 --> 01:45:06,409
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1886
01:45:06,576 --> 01:45:09,495
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1887
01:45:09,662 --> 01:45:12,749
♪ Startin' to feel like this
Song is slightly repetitive ♪
1888
01:45:12,915 --> 01:45:17,587
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1889
01:45:17,754 --> 01:45:20,715
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1890
01:45:28,639 --> 01:45:30,099
[music fades]
1891
01:45:30,266 --> 01:45:31,851
[Al]
Wow, fake-out ending!
1892
01:45:32,018 --> 01:45:36,773
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1893
01:45:36,939 --> 01:45:39,108
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1894
01:45:39,275 --> 01:45:41,527
♪ Look at all these people
In the credits ♪
1895
01:45:41,694 --> 01:45:43,363
♪ We had to pay 'em all ♪
1896
01:45:43,529 --> 01:45:47,408
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1897
01:45:47,575 --> 01:45:49,494
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1898
01:45:49,660 --> 01:45:51,412
♪ Oh hey, I remember him ♪
1899
01:45:51,579 --> 01:45:54,082
♪ Met him on the set
Seemed like a really nice guy ♪
1900
01:45:54,248 --> 01:45:58,544
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1901
01:45:58,711 --> 01:46:00,713
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1902
01:46:00,880 --> 01:46:03,257
♪ All these songs were in
The movie you just watched ♪
1903
01:46:03,424 --> 01:46:04,967
♪ Including this one ♪
1904
01:46:05,134 --> 01:46:09,305
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1905
01:46:22,026 --> 01:46:23,444
[music fades]
1906
01:46:23,611 --> 01:46:27,698
[Al]
Awwwwww, double fake-out!
1907
01:46:27,865 --> 01:46:31,911
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1908
01:46:32,078 --> 01:46:34,205
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1909
01:46:34,372 --> 01:46:37,792
♪ This song just keeps goin' on
And on and on and on and on ♪
1910
01:46:37,959 --> 01:46:42,505
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1911
01:46:42,672 --> 01:46:45,341
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1912
01:46:45,508 --> 01:46:48,553
♪ Seriously, how many more
Credits can there be? ♪
1913
01:46:48,719 --> 01:46:52,974
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1914
01:46:53,141 --> 01:46:55,101
♪ Now, now you know ♪
1915
01:46:55,268 --> 01:46:57,437
♪ This song
Is technically eligible ♪
1916
01:46:57,603 --> 01:46:59,480
♪ For Oscar consideration ♪
1917
01:46:59,647 --> 01:47:04,318
♪ Now you know, now you know ♪
1918
01:47:04,485 --> 01:47:06,028
♪ Now you know ♪
1919
01:47:23,671 --> 01:47:24,839
[guitar string twangs]