1 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,910 It was the nicest little whorehouse you ever saw. 2 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:56,237 It lay about a mile outside the city limits, so everybody could feel real friendly. 3 00:00:56,360 --> 00:01:00,717 Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace picked it out for Miss Wulla Jean in 1910... 4 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:05,789 ...and she moved there with her girls from over the hardware store on main street. 5 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,753 0h, the little house lay 6 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,633 In a green Texas glade 7 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,911 Where the trees were as coolin' 8 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,600 As fresh lemonade 9 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:24,195 Soft summer wind had a trace of perfume 10 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:29,270 And a fan was turnin' in every room 11 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,833 Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 12 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,349 Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 13 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,399 Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 14 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,918 And they had to have a way to cool down 15 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,997 Right from the beginning, the little house was special... 16 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,350 ...like a home away from home. 17 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:59,519 Miss Wulla Jean put a Pianola in the parlour to sorta help break the ice. 18 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:04,475 A fella could ask a girl to dance or, if he held back a little, she'd ask him. 19 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,433 And pretty soon they'd get a little business goin'. 20 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,437 Two dollars' worth. 21 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,551 Yahoo! 22 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:16,754 It wasn't long before it became one of the better-known pleasure palaces in Texas. 23 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,429 So much so that the fellas who visited during World War I... 24 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,028 ...sent their sons back in World War I I. 25 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:26,632 The hospitality and friendliness never changed... 26 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,638 ...and neither did Miss Wulla Jean's strict set of rules. 27 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,035 She liked her ladies, as she called 'em... 28 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:36,915 ...to treat her customers real good, but never in an unladylike way. 29 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:43,432 And she insisted that each girl check her gentleman for the clap... 30 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,472 ...and wash him off with soap and warm water. 31 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,797 Some of the fellas claimed that that was the best part! 32 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,150 Oo-ee! 33 00:02:55,120 --> 00:03:00,035 It was only durin' the Hoover Depression that the little house had tough times. 34 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,118 Miss Wulla Jean put in a jukebox to spark up business. 35 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,475 But it wasn't always easy in them days to come up with hard cash. 36 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,556 (clucking) 37 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,399 Well, you just keep that in the bag... 38 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,557 ...and I'll take it out back as soon as we're finished. 39 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,154 So for a while, as the story goes... 40 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,317 ...the girls began acceptin' poultry in trade. 41 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,317 0ne bird, one lay. 42 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,154 And that's how the place got its name. 43 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,430 The Chicken Ranch. 44 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,110 Course, if you grew up anywhere in Texas... 45 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,789 ...you knew at an early age they was sellin' somethin' out there... 46 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,275 ...and it wasn't poultry. 47 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,156 Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 48 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,236 Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 49 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,635 Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 50 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,398 And they had to have a way to cool down 51 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,431 Twenty fans were hummin', they were hummin' 52 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,471 Twenty fans were hummin' in every room 53 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,909 Customers were comin', they were comin' 54 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,917 And they had to have a way to cool down 55 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,552 (whooping) 56 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,557 Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 57 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,671 Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 58 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,030 Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 59 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,639 And they had to have a way to cool down 60 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,955 Twenty fans were hummin', they were hummin' 61 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,036 Twenty fans were hummin' in every room 62 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,355 Customers were comin', they were comin' 63 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,631 And they had to have a way to cool down 64 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,954 Y'all come back now, you hear? 65 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:12,510 Yahoo! 66 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,278 Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 67 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,958 Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 68 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,832 Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 69 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,110 And they had to have a way to cool down 70 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,073 Twenty fans were turnin', they were turnin' 71 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,838 Twenty fans were turnin' in every room 72 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,837 Fevers were a-burnin', they were burnin' 73 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:40,032 And they had to have a way to cool down 74 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:45,154 - Hallelujah - Hallelujah 75 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:05,198 For three generations, the Chicken Ranch went peacefully about its business... 76 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,834 ...while the people in Gilbert went about theirs. 77 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,032 That is, until about seven years ago. 78 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,635 I was a deputy back then, workin' for Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd. 79 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,993 You wanted me to remind you about your appointment. 80 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:23,635 That was right after I had lost the fried chicken franchise... 81 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:28,629 ...while Ed Earl had been sheriff ever since old Jack Roy Wallace retired. 82 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:32,116 Everybody liked Ed Earl, especially Ed Earl. 83 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,752 Course, he sure did know his job, and he was a big influence on me. 84 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,235 Taught me everything I know. 85 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,355 He used to like to run a quiet town... 86 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:49,190 ...with plenty of time off for socialisin' and coffee over at Dulcie Mae's Caf�. 87 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:53,472 0h, now and again there'd be a problem, and we had some tough ones. 88 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,955 Like the time the mule sat on Miss Modene's car. 89 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,992 (Miss Modene) He just buckled up his legs and sat down. 90 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:03,079 She was really havin' a hissy fit, but it didn't faze Ed Earl. 91 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,670 He just walked over to that jackass and laid down the law. 92 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,751 You see, Ed Earl always believed in talkin' first. 93 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:15,032 Cool reasonin', he used to tell me, could solve any problem. 94 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,515 Course, he did have a bit of a temper. 95 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:28,029 Anyway, just about the time he became sheriff, Miss Wulla Jean passed on. 96 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:32,472 She left the Chicken Ranch to her favourite workin' girl, Mona Stangely... 97 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,512 ...who saw the little house as a Texas institution... 98 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,835 ...and aimed to keep it that way. 99 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,156 (honky-tonk piano) 100 00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:03,837 It's just a little-bitty pissant country place 101 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,474 Ain't nothin' much to see 102 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,470 No drinkin' allowed 103 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,394 We get a nice quiet crowd 104 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,348 Plain as it can be 105 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:22,396 It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 106 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,113 Ain't nothin' too high-toned 107 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,350 Just lots of goodwill 108 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,350 And maybe one small thrill 109 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,753 But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 110 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:37,998 Nothin' dirty goin' on 111 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:42,599 We get simple farmers, local businessmen 112 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:47,358 Congress folks from Austin, young boys lookin' for sin 113 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,596 Now, we used to get a lot of roughnecks 114 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,676 When the oil boom was high 115 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,150 But payday'd get a little rowdy 116 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,157 Thank God the field run dry 117 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,272 It's just a little-bitty pissant country place 118 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,352 Nothin' much to see 119 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,040 No drinkin' allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd 120 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,798 Plain as it can be 121 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,957 It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 122 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,718 Nothin' too high-toned 123 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,229 Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 124 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,794 But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 125 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,156 Keep your language clean, girls 126 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,236 Keep your bedrooms neat 127 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:24,678 And don't hang around the town caf� and say hi on the street 128 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,030 Mind your p's and q's and manners 129 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,549 And you don't need no other tools 130 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:34,151 Cos every girl that lives here knows my special no-no rules 131 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:38,479 Yeah, every girl that lives here knows Miss Mona's no-no rules 132 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,353 - Ruby Rae, start 'em. - Beds are not to be wallowed in 133 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,119 That's the kind of thing that big fat lazy hogs do 134 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,879 - It don't make money. Beatrice? - And I won't tolerate 135 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,595 No tyin' up my telephone with other people's business 136 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:52,354 Eloise, honey? 137 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:57,277 And please don't show us no tattoos, no hearts and flowers on your thigh 138 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,436 It's downright tacky. 139 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:00,913 Brands belong on cattle 140 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,759 And that ain't what we're sellin' at Miss Mona's 141 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,359 Do you catch my drift? 142 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,552 I pay the food and the rent and the utilities 143 00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:11,797 You keep your mind on your work responsibilities 144 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,469 Don't let your mouth overload your capabilities 145 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,677 And we can get along 146 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,028 Dawn? 147 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,277 Any bad habits you come in with, get rid of right now 148 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,472 I can't stand no chewin' gum, it looks just like a cow 149 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,558 Anyone takin' sick leave oughta be real sure they're sick 150 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,716 And every time you hear that bell 151 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,588 You better get here double-quick 152 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,948 And as for pimps 153 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,789 Pimps are somethin' you don't need to get your daily business done 154 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:40,239 Are you listenin' good? 155 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,669 Keep them leeches and bloodsuckers off the back roads 156 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,509 I know how to use a gun and nobody messes with my girls 157 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,117 And any questions you might have about the way I run this place 158 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,879 Don't gripe and whine behind my back 159 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,111 Just tell me face-to-face, I'm open-minded 160 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,435 Say it all, then go upstairs and pack 161 00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,194 The door's thataway 162 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,717 She pays the food and the rent and the utilities 163 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,991 We keep our mind on our work responsibilities 164 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:09,510 Don't let your mouth overload your capabilities 165 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,990 And we can get along 166 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:16,951 Well, howdy, boys. It's good to see you. Nice to meet you. 167 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,390 Come on over here. I'd like you to meet my girls. 168 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:28,030 It's just a little-bitty pissant country place 169 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:31,353 Nothin' much to see 170 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:36,152 No drinkin' allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd 171 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,710 Plain as it can be 172 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:43,709 It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 173 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,470 Nothin' too high-toned 174 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,353 Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 175 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,311 But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 176 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,591 It's just a little-bitty pissant country place 177 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,278 Nothin' much to see 178 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,914 No drinkin' allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd 179 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,473 Plain as it can be 180 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,717 It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 181 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,512 Nothin' too high-toned 182 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,710 Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 183 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,990 Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 184 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,395 Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 185 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,431 But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 186 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,389 - Nothin' dirty goin' on - Yeah! 187 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,796 (crows) 188 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,869 Well, everything was goin' along fine, just like always... 189 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,151 ...until that famous college football celebration. 190 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,635 Some think that's when the trouble started. 191 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,316 For years, the winning seniors... 192 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:40,115 ...of the Texas AggielTexas U football game at Thanksgiving... 193 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,993 ...were treated to a night out at the Chicken Ranch... 194 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,236 ...by their alumni association. 195 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:49,399 But, actually, the real trouble started brewin' about three days before. 196 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,798 I can't tell you how thrilled we are with your contribution. 197 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,956 - Here's your receipt. - Thank you, Rita. 198 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,833 Those kids'll be so excited, and the mayor too. 199 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,633 The council will probably vote you another plaque. 200 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,558 Lord, I hope not. I got a closet full of 'em now! 201 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,834 Hello, Dulcie Mae. You know Miss Mona. 202 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,557 Oh, yes, of course! We've met. Mornin'. 203 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,796 - Good mornin'. - Isn't this wonderful? 204 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:24,879 Miss Mona has just capped the goal for the Little League fund campaign. 205 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,468 Oh, how nice! 206 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,275 Well, on behalf of my son and his team-mates, I wanna thank you. 207 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:35,234 You tell 'em I'll be well repaid when they take the championship next year. 208 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,999 - Goodbye, Rita. - I'm sorry the sheriff wasn't here. 209 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,680 He went to Meritsville. He'll be gone all afternoon. 210 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,791 Well, you tell him I said hi. 211 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,831 - Bye. - Bye. 212 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,439 Bye. 213 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,954 - Hey, Miss Mona. - How are you doin', Deputy Fred? 214 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:02,789 - It's nice to see you. - Keepin' an eye on my place at night? 215 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,559 The sheriff's real particular about security there. 216 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,989 Well, one of these nights, you drop in. 217 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,351 My girls would love to show you a little appreciation. 218 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,948 Shoot, Miss Mona! You know I'm a married man. 219 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,992 Fred, you think the cows don't appreciate the time off... 220 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,839 ...when a bull goes over to another pasture? 221 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,916 Miss Mona! 222 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,990 - See you later, Miss Mona. - OK. Goodbye. 223 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,628 - Damn it! - What's the matter? 224 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,796 - You're in bed already. - So? 225 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,959 So I told you a hundred times - watching you get undressed is the best part. 226 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,877 The best part? 227 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,231 Well, maybe not the best part, but in the top two. 228 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,070 Now, would I wanna disappoint my little honey? 229 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,712 Whoo! 230 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,430 - I'm glad I was late. - Me too! 231 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,552 You just hold your horses. I got a surprise for you. 232 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:44,276 I went by the post office. I picked up a package from Frederick's of Hollywood. 233 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,960 Just a little something sexy I thought you'd like. 234 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,435 Little? It don't look little to me. 235 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,552 Well, it ain't a trainin' bra, but I believe I can fill it out. 236 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:56,434 - I don't think you got any problem there. - I'll be back with more. 237 00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:01,475 (chuckles) You know, Mona, I've known a lot of women in my life. 238 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,239 None of 'em have ever been exciting to me like you are. 239 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,955 Really? Even after all these years we've been meetin' like this? 240 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,435 I'll tell you something. 241 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:16,479 A year with you is like... a minute of sheer happiness. 242 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:21,591 Well, now, that is just about the sweetest thing anybody ever said to me. 243 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,950 I know. 244 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,071 You know, honey... 245 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,078 ...you bring out the... romantic in me. 246 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,714 Ta-da! 247 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,356 Whoo! You did that real fast. 248 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,313 I've had a lot of practice gettin' in and out of my clothes. 249 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,590 How do you like the outfit? 250 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,955 Hot damn. Makes me feel real sexy! 251 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,196 Whoo! 252 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,230 Well, you don't look real sexy. 253 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,510 - I look like I always look. - That's just it. 254 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:05,189 It's them damn droopy boxer drawers. I just hate the looks of them. 255 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,517 - I've worn boxer shorts for years! - And they look like it. 256 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:12,679 These are a brand-new pair. I don't know what you're talkin' about. 257 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,951 People tell me I have a real sexy quality about me. 258 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,310 Well, you do, but them boxer shorts don't. 259 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,910 But when I was gettin' me some sexy things, I thought about you. 260 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,076 They have a his-and-hers department... 261 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,112 ...and I thought you might wanna try that on for size. 262 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,833 What the hell is it? A Japanese slingshot? 263 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,839 No, it's Jockey shorts with little silver snaps on the side. 264 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,589 Mm. "Little" is the key word here. They are real little. 265 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:42,633 A guy could hurt himself wearin' those. I don't think so, thank you very much. 266 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:47,151 Ed Earl, I paid $20 for these, plus postage, and I want you to wear 'em. 267 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,195 - You paid $20 for these? - Yes! 268 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,709 Well, you got screwed. 269 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,197 - Come on, Ed Earl! - No! 270 00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:00,677 If they look half as good as I think, you ain't gonna wear 'em but a second. 271 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,756 Maybe less. 272 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,749 - They're ridiculous. - They're sexy. 273 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,552 No, no, no! 274 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,319 Well, fine! I'm gettin' dressed and goin' home. 275 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:14,194 Well, fine! I'm goin' in the bathroom and... put these on. 276 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,552 Be like puttin' two bowlin' balls in a marble bag. 277 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,315 Braggin', braggin', braggin'. 278 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,713 - Well, I saw Dulcie Mae in town today. - Oh, yeah? 279 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,798 I guess you'll be goin' there for Thanksgivin' dinner. 280 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,595 - Don't I always? - You better check that turkey of hers... 281 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,838 ...because there's a hook in there that's gonna drag your ass to a weddin' chapel. 282 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,110 (chuckles) No way. 283 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,670 I don't believe in matrimony. It screws up a relationship. 284 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,030 Amen to that, Ed Earl. 285 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:58,317 - Ready? - Oh, I'm always ready. 286 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,273 Well, hellfire! Is that it? 287 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:10,313 - How'd you like it? - I didn't hardly get to even see them! 288 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,318 That's all you're gonna see, cos I ain't parading around. 289 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,158 - Oh, come on, Ed Earl. - No! 290 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,589 - For me. - No. 291 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,359 - One itsy-bitsy peek? - What are you doin'? 292 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,518 Now, that's what the little silver snaps are for. 293 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,997 - Work, don't they? - Just like a snap. 294 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,952 Come on over here and give me a little lip-lock. 295 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,476 Oop. Gotta brush my teeth. 296 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,875 You know how I am about my breath. 297 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:50,477 Oh, Ed Earl, I like a lot of things, but these afternoons with you top the list. 298 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,109 Yeah? Well, sing it to me, honey. 299 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,236 I like fancy, frilly things 300 00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,790 High-heeled shoes and diamond rings 301 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:01,990 Ragtime bands and Western swing 302 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,076 And sneakin' around with you 303 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,751 Well, I like beer and rodeos 304 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,996 Detective books and dominoes 305 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,954 Football games and Cheerios and sneakin' around with you 306 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,515 Sneakin' around with you 307 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,870 Goin' a round or two 308 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,150 Doin' what lovers do 309 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,069 Whenever they're sneakin' around 310 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,156 I like lots of cash on hand 311 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,669 And dirty jokes about the Fuller Brush Man 312 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,270 I like stuff I understand like sneakin' around with you 313 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,269 You know, I like a thrill that has no strings 314 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,311 Friendship that don't ever change 315 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,556 And laughter from the joy of things 316 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,477 And sneakin' around with you 317 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,716 Sneakin' around with you 318 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,035 Goin' a round or two 319 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,310 Doin' what lovers do 320 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,155 Whenever they're sneakin' around 321 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,950 I like drive-in picture shows 322 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,196 Kissin' long and lovin' slow 323 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,995 The secret places lovers go whenever they're sneakin' around 324 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:11,793 Whoo! I like the crazy things we try 325 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,070 And the sexy things we fantasise 326 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,270 Just a-makin' out in the broad daylight 327 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,038 And sneakin' around with you 328 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,435 Sneakin' around with you 329 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,790 Keepin' it all brand-new 330 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,990 Gettin' the best of you 331 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,352 Whenever we're sneakin' around 332 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,596 Sneakin' around, that's all 333 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,756 I'm gonna lay down the law 334 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,230 Watchin' the rise and fall 335 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,556 Of lovers sneakin' around 336 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:40,636 - We're just sneakin' around - Oh, we're just 337 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,716 Sneakin'! 338 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,073 Sheriff? 339 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,476 Sheriff! 340 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,115 - Deputy Fred. - (Mona) Fred. 341 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,552 Oh... 342 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,636 Hold that position. 343 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,398 Don't move. Be right back. 344 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,840 - This better be important. - Well, I think it is. 345 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,793 I saw your car and I figured your phone was out, because... 346 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,876 What are you wearin' that for? 347 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,991 - Takin' a shower. - Oh, really? 348 00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:30,317 I take my shower in the mornin'. I read in the Reader's Digest... 349 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,750 I don't care! What do you want? 350 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,793 The mayor wants to speak to you. Rita's been callin' all over the county for you. 351 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,480 - He wants a meeting right away. - Can't it wait? 352 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,273 - You mean till after your shower? - Mm... 353 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,676 You go to your radio. Tell him I'll be there when I get there. 354 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,553 Nothing can be that important that it can't wait. 355 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,477 Right, Sheriff. 356 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,750 Nice man, but dumb. 357 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,277 Mona? (laughs) 358 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:06,076 Mona? 359 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,756 (car starts) 360 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,395 Ain't that funny? Miss Mona was at the back, knockin' on the screen door. 361 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,830 She was in a hurry, but just dropped by to give you this. 362 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,709 It's a Japanese slingshot. 363 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,634 Well, look at that! At last! 364 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,751 OK, Rufus. What's on your mind? 365 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:05,317 Something with serious implications to the health of this town! Tell him, CJ! 366 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,716 I have this friend that works in a TV station down in Houston. 367 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:13,834 He tipped me off that Melvin P Thorpe's plannin' an expos� on the Chicken Ranch. 368 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,110 - Who? - Melvin P Thorpe. 369 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,074 He's that crazy consumer advocate. Has a report on the late night news. 370 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:24,876 He's got a new show once a week: The Watchdog Report. It's on tonight. 371 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,197 The Chicken Ranch on TV. Now, come on, fellas. 372 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,398 - Television is a family medium. - But he's a sensationalist. 373 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:37,230 He shows up every time a consumer has a complaint. He's a menace to business. 374 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,912 He's that fella that put the peanuts back in the chocolate bar. 375 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:42,790 What? 376 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,832 He made the makers of the Peanut Delight candy bar admit... 377 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:50,670 ...that they put less peanuts in than they said. He made 'em change their ways. 378 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,758 - Sounds like a tough customer. - He has a lot of influence. 379 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,075 If he brings cameras to the Chicken Ranch... 380 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,317 Come on, Rufus! I'll make some phone calls. 381 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:03,552 I got a little influence around this state myself. 382 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,073 Well, it's no use talkin' to me about it, Sheriff. 383 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,510 Melvin P Thorpe is now the biggest attraction at this station. 384 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,599 High ratings. Lots of letters. He doesn't listen to anybody. 385 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:21,318 Hell, he wants to go national! Wants to be watchdog for the whole US of A. 386 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:25,314 Love to help, but just like you don't wanna mess with the Chicken Ranch... 387 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,829 ...I don't wanna ruffle this old bird's feathers. 388 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:31,032 Here in Houston, he's becomin' a regular Texas attraction. 389 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,077 Now, wait a minute, Ed Earl. 390 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,954 I'd tread easy on this one. Them TV boys can be mighty powerful. 391 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,514 And mighty useful, if you get my meaning. 392 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,596 Senator, roll call. 393 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:45,508 Excuse me, Ed Earl. I gotta go. It's that damn bilingual bullshit again. 394 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:50,111 Let me give you a word of advice from one elected official to another. 395 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,595 Be careful of the box. 396 00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:00,710 What the hell's goin' on? This goddamn Thorpe's got the whole state bamboozled. 397 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,434 This is serious, Ed Earl. You gotta do somethin'. 398 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,710 I intend to. 399 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,912 Deputy Fred, I want you to hold down the fort for a while. 400 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,268 - Me? - Yeah, you. 401 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,311 - Where you goin'? - To Houston. 402 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,750 I'm gonna take care of that little peckerwood myself. 403 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,436 - This is it. - Thank you. 404 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,958 Come in. 405 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,748 - Mr Thorpe? - I know you. 406 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,631 - You do? - Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd. 407 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,115 They told me you were here. Come on in. 408 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,955 I hope I'm not... interruptin' anything. 409 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,789 Oh, please! It's my pleasure, my honour. What brings you to Houston? 410 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:02,673 Sit down. Anywhere over here. 411 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,711 I'm gettin' dressed. Sit down. 412 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,549 I've got my TV show to do, and I'm runnin' a bit behind time. 413 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,433 It's your show I want to talk to you about, Mr Thorpe. 414 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,198 - Melvin. - Melvin. 415 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,550 - Please. You watch the show, Ed? - Well... 416 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,990 Last week was the best ratin' we ever had. 417 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:22,590 The city planning commissioner was drivin' a city car... 418 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,870 Hold that for me, will you? 419 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,992 ...while he was on vacation. Caught him dead to rights. 420 00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,554 That pitiful putz. Would you just pull that up? 421 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:32,636 Just pull that up. 422 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:37,799 And we broke a 30 share. It's affectin' my pieces on the late night news. 423 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:41,151 Up, up, up. They just love my little report. 424 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,430 - I hear you're very popular. - The power of television... 425 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,916 ...of public exposure, is so great it scares me. 426 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:54,431 I swear, I could get the mayor's own children to throw rocks at him. 427 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,028 Which show did you like best, Ed? 428 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,350 I think the one about the... nuts in the chocolate bar. 429 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,436 That's one of my favourites. 430 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,518 Threescore means 60, like the Bible says. 431 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,359 So if it says "60 nuts" on the wrapper... 432 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,552 ...I wanna see 60 nuts inside. 433 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,478 And I'm talkin' full nuts. I'm not talkin' a half-nut... 434 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,955 ...or nut bits or nut chips. 435 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,755 I'm talkin' a full nut. 436 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:26,639 I can see that. 437 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,228 Thank God we still live in a society... 438 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:33,956 ...where anything that's phoney or dishonest can't stand the light of day. 439 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,109 - Sock. - Beg your pardon? 440 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,276 Sock. Thank you. 441 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:40,879 Yeah... 442 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,949 Most corporations involved in false advertisin'... 443 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,071 ...would just laugh at a $50 fine. 444 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:52,228 But you show up with your TV camera and give them a little bad publicity... 445 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:56,399 ...and they shape up faster than goose shit slides through a tin horn. 446 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,431 (laughs) 447 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,870 (hums) 448 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:05,391 Melvin, it's that bad publicity I want to talk to you about. That could hurt people. 449 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,478 You take that report you're doin' on the Chicken Ranch. 450 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,795 That place is older than rocks and water. 451 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,514 I expect your granddaddy took your daddy there... 452 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:17,269 ...to learn about the birds and the bees. - (chuckles) 453 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:21,598 I'm from New Jersey. See, I moved to Houston six years ago. 454 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:22,675 (chuckles) 455 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,950 Texas suits my style. 456 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:32,394 Every schoolboy in the state knows about it. Most of the politicians have slept there. 457 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,308 The mayor and the people of my county want to keep things just the way they are. 458 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:40,319 Hm. You know somethin', Sheriff. It just struck me. 459 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,352 - We are in the same profession. - What's that? 460 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:47,871 Law enforcement. I'm out there fightin' for the rights of the public, just like you. 461 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,355 Both of us are trying to protect the public. 462 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,677 You in the old way and me in the new. 463 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,870 - The new? - (chuckles) Television. 464 00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,830 I'm the electronic bounty hunter. 465 00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:01,916 I use a camera. You use a gun. 466 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:06,917 Yeah. Melvin, everybody'd be happy if you'd just drop the whole thing. 467 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:12,510 I mean, those ladies out there, they perform a necessary function. 468 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,552 - Right or wrong... - Right or wrong don't interest me! 469 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,752 I'm no moraliser. I leave all that to the preacher. 470 00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:24,396 I'm glad. The mayor was thinkin' maybe you'd want a little unnecessary publicity. 471 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:28,354 (laughs) Unnecessary publicity? Well, he's got me all wrong! 472 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,916 I'm not one of those sensation-mongers out to boost his own ego! 473 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,473 Clear. 474 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,919 - How do you like it? - It's different. 475 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:38,996 I designed this myself. 476 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:43,718 No, you tell your mayor he's got nothing to fear from me on that score. 477 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,918 - He'll be happy to hear that. - I'm a lawman. That's my interest. Right? 478 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:49,995 (knocking) 479 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,315 - 20 seconds. - Oh, I'm on! 480 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,590 Friend Ed, I gotta go. 481 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,194 That's my cue. Come on! 482 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,436 Apr�s vous! 483 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,996 - I'd love to do an interview with you. - I don't think I'm the type. 484 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,714 Nonsense! You're what the public wants to see. 485 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:12,150 We'll discuss it after the show. I want you to be my guest. 486 00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,636 This is the sponsor's booth. Just make yourself comfortable. 487 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,638 Make yourself to home. See you later, partner. 488 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:20,716 (singers) He's out on the prowl 489 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,953 Guards and checks the best he can 490 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:28,190 Watchdog is a fighting man 491 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:33,511 Watchdog will throw his beam of light around 492 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,669 If some folks don't toe the line 493 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,077 Watchdog's light will shine 494 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,237 Shine, shine, shine 495 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,874 (announcer) And now... the Watchdog man himself. 496 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,879 The eyes and ears of Texas, Melvin P Thorpe! 497 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:50,592 (cheering) 498 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,436 Thank you, fellow Texans, and welcome to the Watchdog Report... 499 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,677 ...with yours truly, Melvin P Thorpe... 500 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:04,554 ...keepin' an eye on what's goin' on in this beautiful state of ours. 501 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,191 This week's spotlight will shine on a shameful situation... 502 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:12,393 ...that has been allowed to exist for close to a hundred years. 503 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,717 I'm talkin' about the Chicken Ranch, my friends. 504 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:21,597 The proprietor of this innocent-lookin' ranch house is known only as Miss Mona. 505 00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:26,430 And the man who turns his back on her illegal operation... 506 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,313 ...is Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd! 507 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,433 Did I say "illegal"? Yes, I did! 508 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,119 Now, I know that this is TV... 509 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,437 ...so I'm gonna try to be as delicate as I can! 510 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,911 Here goes, and may God forgive me! 511 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:47,959 - Texas has a whorehouse in it - Lord, have mercy on our souls 512 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,994 - Texas has a whorehouse in it - Lord, have mercy on our souls 513 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:56,074 I'll expose the facts although it fills me with disgust 514 00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:59,557 Please excuse the filthy, dark details 515 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:03,832 - And carnal lust - Filthy, dark details and carnal lust 516 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:08,593 Dancin' goin' on inside it, don't you see, they've gone plumb wild 517 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:12,349 I inquired, no one denied it, now I think I'm gettin' riled 518 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:16,514 Bodies close together, arms and legs all rearranged 519 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,479 And the sheriff does not close it down 520 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,513 That's very strange 521 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,473 Does not close it down, that's very strange 522 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,519 Mean-eyed, juiced-up, brilliantined, honky-tonk cowboys 523 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,710 - Oh, no - Mixin' with green-eyed, thin-lipped 524 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,115 - Hard-as-nails, peroxide blondes - Oh, no 525 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:36,791 Not to mention some types that you'd never guess would venture near 526 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:41,476 Actin' all depraved and loose and wild 90 miles from here 527 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:44,559 And now, our own Melvin P Thorpe Singers. 528 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:49,118 - Texas has a whorehouse in it - Oh, my goodness, he's talkin' about us! 529 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,277 - Texas has a whorehouse in it - Suits me, Mom. 530 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:56,078 Doreen! Run get my heart pills! 531 00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:00,197 - Loveless copulation goin' on - Hot damn! 532 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:03,392 - And it must stop - Loveless copulation 533 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,830 - Loveless copulation - Loveless copulation? 534 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,755 Texas has a whorehouse in it, Lord, have mercy on our souls 535 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,072 Texas has a whorehouse in it, Lord, have mercy... 536 00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:15,155 Aah! 537 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:18,033 - Watchdog smells corruption... - Can you dig it? 538 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:22,232 - Hey! - Loveless copulation goin' on 539 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,798 Don't touch that dial! This is Melvin P Thorpe... 540 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:36,835 ...sayin' I'll be back with new and revealin' information about this and other cases. 541 00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:39,190 Watchdog never sleeps! 542 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,271 And it must stop! Watchdog's gonna get you 543 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,437 Gonna shine his light on you 544 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,597 Watchdog's gonna get you, gonna shine his light on you 545 00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:51,073 (cheering) 546 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,630 Damn! That man is crazier than a peach-orchard sow. 547 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,151 Announcin' it straight out on TV. 548 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,317 - So you been sayin'. - Everybody's talkin' about it. 549 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,591 Not that it's big news to anybody over three months of age. 550 00:35:09,720 --> 00:35:13,508 But they heard it in their livin' room. Sung. Sung to music. 551 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,673 And he actually called my name on television? 552 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,110 Worse than that. The son of a bitch called mine! 553 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,515 Ed Earl, ever since I can remember... 554 00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,871 ...folks been jumpin' on me for one reason or another. 555 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,234 But we're gonna beat this. I ain't worried about it. 556 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,669 You know why? Because I trust you. 557 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,510 Cos you're my protector. 558 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,034 Do you know he wears a sock in his underwear? 559 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:42,115 A sock? 560 00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:45,550 Yeah. All rolled up like a Jimmy Dean sausage. 561 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,959 Well, I bet he's runnin' for office. That's typical of them crusadin' fanatics. 562 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:54,789 They flare up every few months. They're always confusin' crime with sin. 563 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:59,914 People get sick of hearin' it and pretty soon it just clears out of the air. 564 00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:03,188 - You're probably right. - Well, ain't I always? 565 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:04,992 Mm-hm. 566 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,997 You know what I was thinkin'? 567 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:11,796 Just how much I miss the little stuff we used to do, like goin' up to the lake. 568 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:16,232 Wouldn't it be fun to go up there, get a couple of six-packs, and just get drunk? 569 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:20,114 Girl, that's the best idea you had all year. When we gonna do this? 570 00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:23,516 - Well, I'd like to do it tonight. - So would I. 571 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,676 (siren) 572 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,471 Well, I wonder who that is. 573 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:36,713 - Hey, Deputy Fred. - Morning, girls! 574 00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,638 - How's your tallywhacker hangin'? - Fine... 575 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,396 - Hi, Sheriff. - This better be important. 576 00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:51,399 That Melvin P Thorpe is settin' up his TV show in front of the courthouse! 577 00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,078 - In front of the... - Courthouse! 578 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,270 He's gettin' some pictures for the news. 579 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:59,109 He's got a whole posse of TV cameramen. I think you better come. 580 00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:00,639 - In front of my... - Office! 581 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:02,910 - Son of a... - Bitch. 582 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:09,389 - I cannot believe that sucker! - He even brought his own singers. 583 00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:11,511 Wait till I get my hands on him. 584 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,634 - Go get him, Sheriff! - Come on, Deputy Fred! 585 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:22,195 Ed Earl, please don't go doin' something stupid you're gonna be sorry for! 586 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,834 - Watch your temper. - Everything's gonna be fine. 587 00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,599 Leave that little shithead to me. 588 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:48,268 Howdy again, neighbours. Melvin P Thorpe, the old Watchdog himself... 589 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:52,473 ...shinin' a spotlight on Gilbert, the little town with the big shame. 590 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,635 Who's that fella in them trick britches? 591 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,558 I don't know, but it's too late in the year for a carnival. 592 00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:00,671 One of them TV folks, looks like to me. 593 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:04,993 We're here at the Lanville County courthouse to ask local citizens... 594 00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,839 ...how they feel about the infamous bordello... 595 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,032 ...runnin' wide open in their American hometown. 596 00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:13,830 Cut! All right, stay with me, boys. 597 00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:18,158 And when I start the music, I want you Dogettes to start with me, brisk! 598 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:22,309 Good people of Gilbert, may I have your attention, please? 599 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,671 I would like to speak to you about a matter of great importance. 600 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,756 Let's hear it, Melvin! Lay it on us. 601 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:32,829 I'm speakin' to you about nothin' less than your community's moral health! 602 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:36,475 I'm talkin' to you about official blindness... 603 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:40,388 ...official corruption, official malfeasance. 604 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,988 - He sure is wound up. - Yep. 605 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:47,716 I'm just waitin' for Ed Earl to get here. He's gonna kick that boy's ass. 606 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,910 (siren) 607 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:55,829 It's no big secret. You know what's goin' on in this town. 608 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,754 And what's goin' on is evil... 609 00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:03,476 ...immoral, brazen and against the law! 610 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,194 Hit it. Texas has a whorehouse in it 611 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,231 Lord, have mercy on our souls 612 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:12,114 - Texas has a whorehouse in it - Lord, have mercy on our souls 613 00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:16,114 Sin is running rampant like before the fall of Rome 614 00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,154 Someone is permittin' you-know-what 615 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,912 - And it must stop - Loveless copulation 616 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,110 Stop that copulation 617 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:27,117 - Loveless copulation - (siren) 618 00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:29,196 Stop that copulation 619 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,915 Texas has a whorehouse in it, Lord, have mercy on our souls 620 00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:37,119 Texas has a whorehouse in it, Lord, have mercy on our souls 621 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:41,313 Watchdog smells corruption and he'll fight it to the top... 622 00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,193 Now, Sheriff, Sheriff. Keep a grip on yourself. 623 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,993 - Don't get your back up! - Stop whimperin', Rufus. 624 00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,076 (music stops) 625 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,399 Well, if it isn't the man himself. 626 00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:55,080 Would you care to give me an interview now, Sheriff? 627 00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:58,351 I'm gonna give you 30 seconds, you fancified fart. 628 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,789 Get you and your chorus the hell out of town! 629 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:04,390 Get those cameras and crap off the street. You're blockin' traffic! 630 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:08,274 The only traffic we are blockin' is that headed out for the Chicken Ranch. 631 00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,436 Right, Sheriff? 632 00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:14,075 Little fat buddy, up to now you got two tickets: 633 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:17,510 One for paradin' without a licence and the other for insultin' me. 634 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,837 Get that circus out of town, or I'm gonna lock you up so fast... 635 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,554 ...your corset's gonna pop! - Oh, yeah? 636 00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:28,435 We're within the law. As a newsman, I have First Amendment protection. 637 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:33,756 Get this. The public has a right to know what is goin' on out there... 638 00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,155 ...and what kind of payoff you're acceptin'... 639 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,078 ...to protect that notorious house of ill repute. 640 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,191 (crowd gasps) 641 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:56,912 First thing is, you're standin' in Lanville County... 642 00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:01,830 ...which, by my figurin', is about 100 miles west of that stink hole you call Houston. 643 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:05,396 So I can't see it's any of your business what goes on out here. 644 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:07,192 Oh, yeah? 645 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:08,833 Please... 646 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:10,109 Number two. 647 00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:13,038 You ain't the law around here and I am. 648 00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:15,754 So don't be tellin' me what my goddamn job is... 649 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:19,509 ...or I'll whip your butt so bad it'll look like the stripes on a barber pole. 650 00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:22,200 - (boy) Get him, Sheriff. - May be mean, but he's ours! 651 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:23,435 Number three. 652 00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:28,076 No sawed-off little pecker is gonna accuse me of takin' a bribe and live... 653 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,509 ...cos I wear the badge in this goddamn county. 654 00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:34,235 So you listen and listen good, you over-padded, televising turd! 655 00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:38,512 If I ever see you or any of those bastards that work for you in my town again... 656 00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:43,077 ...l'm gonna knock you so flat you'll have to roll down your socks to shit! 657 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:46,599 - That's tellin' him, Sheriff! - My goodness! 658 00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:51,032 So get outta here, you goddamn wig-wearin', citified son of a bitch! 659 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:08,356 Move, you schmuck! 660 00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,271 Move it! Come on! 661 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,436 Get outta here! 662 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,836 Move this thing! Come on, move this thing! 663 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:22,272 I'll get you for this. You son of a bitch! You'll pay for this. 664 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,551 You're in trouble, Sheriff! You're in big trouble! 665 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:28,592 So long, partner. 666 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:32,676 (applause) 667 00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:57,630 Boy, you sent him hightailin'. I was so proud of you! 668 00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,716 - Didn't I? - Yeah. 669 00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:06,595 - Look at them stars. - Mm. 670 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,393 There ain't nothin' prettier than a Texas sky. 671 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,590 Ain't that the truth. 672 00:43:14,720 --> 00:43:17,951 - Hey! Did you see that shootin' star? - Mm-hm. 673 00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,355 - That could've been a spaceship. - Yeah. 674 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,040 - You believe in spaceships? - Sure. 675 00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:28,598 I saw a picture once. Them fellas that's supposed to be from up there. 676 00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:34,194 Tiny little fellas, bald-headed. Little feet, little hands, got no peckers. 677 00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,070 Got no peckers? 678 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,115 Well, I ain't interested. 679 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,675 I don't think my girls would be either. 680 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,718 When I was little, I used to imagine a flyin' saucer... 681 00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,549 ...swoopin' down and pickin' me up and takin' me off to heaven. 682 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,875 - Like the angels. - Mm-hm. 683 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:57,752 "I looked, and behold, a whirlwind comin' out of the north." 684 00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:02,158 "And out of the midst of the fire came the likeness of four living creatures." 685 00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:03,679 What you talkin' about? 686 00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:07,076 That's what the Bible says about spaceships in Ezekiel. 687 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,589 - Don't you know nothin' about the Bible? - Yeah! 688 00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:12,553 I just don't know nothin' about no Zekiel in the Bible. 689 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:16,070 I knew a Zekiel Peebles once in the eighth grade. 690 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,276 Think I busted his jaw. 691 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:25,554 - Well, that was very christian of you. - Well, most of my family was Baptist. 692 00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:29,639 I never stayed with one family long enough to become anything in particular. 693 00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,354 But I read the Bible. I believe in Jesus. 694 00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:36,032 I think Jesus was a... was a real good man. 695 00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,990 And he was a heck of a speaker. 696 00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:42,749 Yep. I knew a woman once that had a vision of Jesus. 697 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:46,270 He came right into her house, set right down at the foot of her bed. 698 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:47,674 Mm? 699 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,030 I don't know what I'd do if that happened to me. 700 00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:55,359 I'll tell you something. If Jesus comes to your house, all hell's gonna break loose. 701 00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:58,996 You got a point there, Ed Earl. 702 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,476 But Jesus was really good to Mary Magdalene, the fallen woman. 703 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:04,875 He was always bein' very sociable. 704 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,754 He went to this big weddin' once, and they ran out of wine. 705 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,633 You know what he did? Turned the water into wine. 706 00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:14,638 Well, that's a man that knows how to throw a party. 707 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,751 Now, don't be sacrilegious. 708 00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,436 I'm not. I'm not. He forgives me. 709 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,033 - He knows I was kiddin'. - I know he forgives you. 710 00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:27,596 That's funny, how God can forgive you and people can't. 711 00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:32,748 - Now, why is that? - Well, because people are not very godly. 712 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,754 I know. I know. 713 00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,756 Yeah. 714 00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:52,636 (chuckles) 715 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:55,876 What is it? 716 00:45:57,160 --> 00:46:01,438 Melvin P Thorpe is a sorry son of a bitch. 717 00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:10,317 You reckon he's gonna run for the legislature? 718 00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:12,396 Why? 719 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:16,196 I never told anybody this, Mona. 720 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:22,276 I was thinkin' of runnin' for the legislature someday. 721 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:25,198 - Are you serious, Ed Earl? - Yeah. 722 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,755 They say an honest man can't be elected in this country any more. 723 00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:32,474 But I don't believe that. 724 00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,319 This is a good country. 725 00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,317 I believe I could win. 726 00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,318 Well, you got my vote. I might even go register. 727 00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:44,397 Boy, I sure didn't know you had dreams that big. 728 00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:47,193 - People really do like you, though. - They like you too. 729 00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:48,992 - Really? - Sure. 730 00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,192 You ask anybody in town. Say "How do you like Miss Mona?" 731 00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:54,834 They say "Shoot, she's a fine woman." 732 00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,155 "Fine, friendly and nice." 733 00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:01,990 I always just thought if you see somebody without a smile... 734 00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:04,395 ...give 'em yours. - I like that. 735 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,315 I like that. 736 00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:11,000 Think I'll use that as my campaign slogan. 737 00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:14,791 "If you see somebody without a smile, give 'em yours." 738 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,996 I'll have that printed up on a card. 739 00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,680 Oh, you're kiddin' me, you smart ass. 740 00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:22,955 I had a dream once. 741 00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:24,229 Yeah? 742 00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:27,397 - I'll tell you if you won't laugh. - Oh, I won't laugh. 743 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:30,478 Well, I used to dream of bein' a ballerina. 744 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:33,279 (sniggers) 745 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,595 Now, Ed Earl, I ain't tellin' you nothin'. 746 00:47:35,720 --> 00:47:39,235 - Well... A ballerina? - Yes, a ballerina! 747 00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:41,316 (chuckles) 748 00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:46,511 Well, I think that's wonderful. You still could be a ballerina if you wanted to be. 749 00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:48,756 - Don't be ridiculous! - No, you could! 750 00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,269 Go into training. Just start jumpin' up and down. 751 00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:54,278 Me? Jumpin' up and down? I'd black both my eyes. 752 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,276 I couldn't now. I'm too top-heavy. 753 00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:02,349 I have a hard enough time balancin' these things now, without gettin' on my toes. 754 00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:11,388 - You know somethin'? - What? 755 00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:15,195 You know that, uh... I don't see anybody but you any more. 756 00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:19,033 Course, you can't say the same, can you? 757 00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:26,790 I haven't been to bed with another woman besides you in three years. 758 00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,070 You didn't know that, did you? 759 00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,030 No, I didn't know that. 760 00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:36,873 Nothin' better, once you've had the best. 761 00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,514 - Hey, I like that. - I thought you would. 762 00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:43,838 Reckon if I was to run for the legislature I could put that on my card? 763 00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:03,518 Up next, Melvin P Thorpe continues his expos� of the Chicken Ranch... 764 00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,712 ...with a violent demonstration in the Gilbert town square. 765 00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,990 Great God from Goldsborough! 766 00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:13,396 (phone rings) 767 00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,429 Yeah? 768 00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,275 Ed Earl, you better turn on channel four. 769 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,793 That Melvin P Thorpe idiot's got you on TV again. 770 00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:25,956 Well, I don't give a shit, Rufus! 771 00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,719 It's all very well to take that attitude, Ed Earl... 772 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:30,512 Honey... 773 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:33,916 Put on the television there. Channel four. 774 00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:37,828 That Melvin P Thorpe is shootin' off his mouth again. 775 00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,349 What could be so goddamn important? 776 00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:44,632 Calm down, Rufus! It can't be as bad as all that. 777 00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:48,835 What happened to me as an individual is not important. 778 00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:52,191 Is this the kind of man we want runnin' our law enforcement? 779 00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:57,872 Is this the kind of foul-mouthed example we wanna set for our innocent children? 780 00:49:58,000 --> 00:49:59,149 Run the film. 781 00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:00,633 Number three. 782 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:04,799 No sawed-off little (bleep) is gonna accuse me of takin' a bribe and live... 783 00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:06,876 ...cos I wear the badge in this (bleep) county! 784 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:10,515 - So you listen and you listen good, you... - (bleeping) 785 00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:13,791 If I ever see you or any of those (bleep) In my town again... 786 00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:16,673 ...I'm gonna knock you so flat you'll... - (bleeping) 787 00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:19,596 (gunshots) 788 00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:25,876 Ed Earl, that man has made a fool out of you. 789 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:27,956 (gunshot) 790 00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:33,879 I've had calls from preachers, deacons and the presidents of two garden clubs! 791 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:35,228 Thank you for callin'. 792 00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,670 The phones have been ringin' all mornin'. Sheriff's office. 793 00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:43,351 I don't know why I serve as mayor of this incorporated sand trap anyway! 794 00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:47,031 - What in the heck is keepin' him? - He'll be along. 795 00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:50,948 - Well, he'd better! - My wife couldn't believe what she saw. 796 00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:56,029 They bleeped him, but she read his lips on every "hell", "goddamn" and "shit". 797 00:50:57,720 --> 00:51:01,508 There's some folks gettin' up a petition to close the Chicken Ranch. 798 00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:04,279 All we wanted to do was keep it quiet. 799 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:08,473 Now, thanks to Ed Earl, it's the hottest thing on the air since the Gong Show. 800 00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:10,795 I'll tell him you called. Mornin', Sheriff. 801 00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:12,751 - Mornin', Rita. - Here's your calls. 802 00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:15,269 - Reckon you fellas are waitin' for me. - We sure are! 803 00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:17,516 You don't know the trouble you've caused! 804 00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:21,269 Dad-gum it, Ed Earl! If you ain't a pluperfect fool! 805 00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:25,359 You may be right. I got over a dozen messages here from outraged citizens... 806 00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:28,074 ...tellin' me we got a whorehouse in Lanville County. 807 00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:30,555 Only been one here for about 150 years. 808 00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:33,478 Ed Earl, you can set up speed traps to catch the tourists. 809 00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:37,354 You can look the other way when a kid swipes a car to go joyridin'. 810 00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:39,516 You can even let Miss Mona run her place! 811 00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,428 But there's one thing you can't do: Broadcast gutter talk on TV. 812 00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:47,599 - I didn't know they was takin' pictures. - What were the cameras for? 813 00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:50,598 Damn it, CJ! You pious pissant. 814 00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:54,113 I don't have one tenth the trouble from Miss Mona's... 815 00:51:54,240 --> 00:51:57,994 ...that I have from one of your stag parties at the legionnaire hall. 816 00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:00,429 - That ain't fair. - There's just one thing to do. 817 00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:03,279 Close the place before we all go to hell in a handbasket. 818 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:04,753 Close it down! 819 00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:08,270 She was just fine as long as she was makin' civic contributions... 820 00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:11,472 ...but the moment her luck ran sour, you want to run out on her. 821 00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:14,398 Run out on her like rats from a burnin' barn! 822 00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:18,115 That's just it, Ed Earl. Who's gonna put out that fire? 823 00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:21,437 Look, if you won't close her down, tell her to lay low! 824 00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:24,313 Yeah. Just until the heat wears off a little bit. 825 00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:26,908 Give it two months. What's two months? 826 00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,793 Nobody tells me how to run my goddamn job! 827 00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:31,876 And nobody gives me advice! 828 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:35,959 I'll do things my own way. I'm gonna make up my own damn mind! 829 00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:39,036 Two months. What's two months? 830 00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,628 Shut down for two months! 831 00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:45,070 That is a hell of a lot to ask somebody, Ed Earl. 832 00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:49,193 And that's a hell of a lot of overhead to pay out when cash ain't comin' in. 833 00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:52,551 - What will I tell my girls? - Well, maybe it won't be two months. 834 00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:56,958 The holidays are comin'. Maybe in a week or two the whole thing will blow over... 835 00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:01,471 I warned you yesterday about losin' your temper and carryin' on. 836 00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:06,230 - Last night you was proud of me. - Last night I wasn't on the 11.00 news! 837 00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:09,877 I didn't know that son of a bitch was gonna make an idiot out of me. 838 00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:14,198 I don't know about that electronic bullshit! How was I supposed to handle that? 839 00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:17,790 That's your job, Ed Earl. Ain't that what they pay you for? 840 00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:21,196 I know my job! Don't be tellin' me what my goddamn job is! 841 00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:24,073 I could close this place down in a New York minute! 842 00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:28,671 All I'm askin' for is a little cooperation so I can get through a difficult situation... 843 00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:33,476 ...with as little trouble as possible! - OK, OK! I'll shut it down. 844 00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:37,237 - You will? - What do you want? A written contract? 845 00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:41,630 - You promise? - Ed Earl, I am givin' you my word. 846 00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:49,232 I'm sorry, Mona, about the whole situation. 847 00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:51,510 Don't feel sorry for me. 848 00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:55,715 I started out poor and I worked my way up to outcast. 849 00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:03,113 I know what I'm askin' is gonna turn out to be the best thing for both of us. 850 00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:05,595 Just trust me. 851 00:54:08,200 --> 00:54:10,430 You know what burns my ass? 852 00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:13,518 - What? - A flame about three feet high. 853 00:54:14,720 --> 00:54:17,917 Of course I trust you, you big cowboy. Ain't I always? 854 00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:19,553 Mm-hm. 855 00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:22,114 No need to stop now. 856 00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:25,111 Now get outta here. 857 00:54:25,240 --> 00:54:29,153 Everything's gonna turn out just fine. Don't you worry about a thing, honey. 858 00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:31,874 Everything's gonna turn out slicker than cat shit... 859 00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,355 ...on a linoleum floor. 860 00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:35,629 (laughs) 861 00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:43,518 Well, if it ain't the celebrated cussin' Sheriff of Lanville County. 862 00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:46,393 - How are you, Sheriff? - I'm fine. How are you, Porky? 863 00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:50,195 Oh, Sheriff! I been real good all week. I've lost six pounds. 864 00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:53,551 Oh, yeah? Well, don't take nothin' off them cheeks. 865 00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:55,875 Oh, go on. 866 00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:57,956 (laughs) Whoa! 867 00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:01,875 Well, Jewel, I just promised the sheriff... 868 00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,355 ...that we're gonna shut down for two months. 869 00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:06,869 What? How can you promise that? 870 00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:11,198 What about the football game celebration tomorrow night? 871 00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:14,551 - I forgot all about that. - It's the Thanksgiving game. 872 00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:17,240 - That's real special. - I know, Jewel! 873 00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:19,794 I don't know what to do now. I did promise. 874 00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:24,198 You think, if we close the doors, just went on as planned, that'd be all right? 875 00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:28,677 I'm sure it will, honey. That party is a bigger tradition than the game. 876 00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:34,835 (crowd cheering) 877 00:55:36,240 --> 00:55:39,118 65,000-plus on hand here at Kyle Field... 878 00:55:39,240 --> 00:55:41,800 ...and we have seen an amazing ball game. 879 00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:45,310 Texas A&M heavily favoured, but we're tied 12-12. 880 00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:50,070 Aggies have the ball, second down at eight. Time is winding down. 881 00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:54,352 They try the middle of the Texas defence and again the break is stopped. 882 00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:57,552 - This University of Texas defence... - Whoo-wee! 883 00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:00,636 Whoo! 884 00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:06,277 String up the white. We'll see who wins and put up the orange or the maroon. 885 00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:08,356 Yes, ma'am. 886 00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:12,517 - I can't stand it if them Aggies win. - What do you mean? 887 00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:17,475 They're such animals. Always yellin' and jumpin' about and sayin' "yee-ha". 888 00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:21,673 They have to go for all the marbles, they will have to throw right now. 889 00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:25,076 Time running out. Miller rolls to the right. Pass! Touchdown! 890 00:56:26,720 --> 00:56:28,358 Yahoo! 891 00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:30,436 Hell! That calls for a drink. 892 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,631 Don't let your mother see you. 893 00:56:36,240 --> 00:56:37,992 - Well, who won? - The Aggies. 894 00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:42,033 - Oh, shit. - (all) Yee-ha! 895 00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:44,590 Yee-ha! 896 00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:47,116 Yee-ha! 897 00:56:47,240 --> 00:56:49,196 Hey, boys! 898 00:56:50,600 --> 00:56:52,830 All right! Hey, boys! 899 00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:58,039 Boys, boys! That was the greatest victory... 900 00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,549 ...since General Eisenhower won! 901 00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:05,351 Senator, you ain't forgot you was gonna take us to the Chicken Ranch, did ya? 902 00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:09,473 - Yeah! How about it? - I always keep my campaign promises. 903 00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:15,149 The Chicken Ranch is a fine institution and I'm proud to have it in my district. 904 00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:18,238 And to hell with what Melvin P Thorpe says. 905 00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:22,359 I'll see all you seniors out at Miss Mona's. 906 00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:33,430 We're gonna whomp and stomp 907 00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:38,874 And a-whoop it up tonight 908 00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:43,796 Those little gals won't never ever be the same 909 00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:49,032 They're gonna love it when we whomp and stomp 910 00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:54,514 And a-whoop it up, all right 911 00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:59,470 It's even better than an Aggie football game 912 00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:02,715 Better than a football game? 913 00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:09,070 And then we're gonna show them all a thing or two 914 00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:13,474 We're gonna demonstrate 915 00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:16,832 Just what a champion can do 916 00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:18,236 Yee-ha! 917 00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:22,831 75 miles until we get to heaven 918 00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:27,477 75 miles until our plans are laid 919 00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:32,471 75 miles until we get to the Chicken Ranch 920 00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:40,190 Where history and Aggie boys get made 921 00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:43,076 (whooping) 922 00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:55,196 Yee-ha! 923 00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:16,276 Lookit here! Watch this. 924 00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:39,717 Yee-ha! Yee-ha! 925 00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:44,676 All right! Hey, come on. 926 00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:48,237 Attaboy! 927 00:59:48,360 --> 00:59:50,316 - Ooh, yeah! - Come on! 928 00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:53,196 All right! 929 01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:39,511 22 miles until we get to heaven 930 01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:43,872 22 miles until our plans are laid 931 01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:48,318 22 miles until we get to the Chicken Ranch 932 01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:55,432 Where history and Aggie boys get made 933 01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,477 What the hell happened? 934 01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:16,393 Do we have to wear these ball gowns again? 935 01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:19,830 Yes, and I don't wanna hear any more bitchin' about it. 936 01:01:20,240 --> 01:01:23,676 Miss Mona likes to create somethin' special for the boys. 937 01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:25,950 It's like a graduation dance. 938 01:01:32,680 --> 01:01:34,318 Yee-ha! 939 01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:38,196 Yee-ha! Yee-ha! 940 01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:48,790 One more mile until we get to heaven 941 01:01:49,160 --> 01:01:52,516 One more mile until our plans are laid 942 01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:56,270 One more mile until we get to the Chicken Ranch 943 01:01:56,520 --> 01:02:06,634 Where history and Aggie boys get made 944 01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:11,599 Yee-ha! 945 01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:13,916 Y'all come on in! 946 01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:16,828 Oh, I'm so glad to see you. Congratulations! 947 01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:21,829 Hey, boys! I think you'll find it's a fittin' celebration for today's victory! 948 01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:26,958 - (all) Whoo! - Howdy, boys! 949 01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:31,198 Howdy, ma'am. I'm Senator Wingwood of the 19th District... 950 01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:34,392 ...and the Aggie class of '49. Mighty proud to meet you. 951 01:02:34,520 --> 01:02:37,751 To meet me! Charlie, who you think you're talkin' to? 952 01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:39,916 How's Mary Margaret and the kids? 953 01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:43,675 Hell, Miss Mona, I didn't think you'd remember. 954 01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:46,189 Remember? Did you remember to bring my cheque? 955 01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:48,276 I got it right here. 956 01:02:49,280 --> 01:02:53,831 Good. You know it's always a business doin' pleasure with you, Charlie. 957 01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:56,952 You boys head on out back. We've got a nice surprise for you. 958 01:02:57,080 --> 01:02:59,036 Come on, boys! 959 01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:15,119 - (woman) Yoo-hoo! Boys! - (honky-tonk piano) 960 01:03:18,640 --> 01:03:20,073 Hi! 961 01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:24,920 - Hiya, girls! - (whistling) 962 01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:40,476 (boys) Yee-ha! 963 01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:47,797 (whistling) 964 01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:50,070 Texas has a whorehouse in it 965 01:07:14,920 --> 01:07:16,876 (humming) 966 01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:20,749 (knocking) 967 01:07:20,880 --> 01:07:24,031 - Yo! - It's me, Deputy Fred! 968 01:07:24,160 --> 01:07:26,116 Come on in, Fred! 969 01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:30,112 - Evenin', Sheriff. - Happy Thanksgiving. You want a drink? 970 01:07:30,240 --> 01:07:33,118 Oh, no, thank you. That stuff always tears up my stomach. 971 01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:36,994 - I was readin' in the Reader's Digest... - What do you want, Fred? 972 01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:39,190 I was makin' my rounds around town... 973 01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:43,359 ...and I saw Melvin P Thorpe and a bunch of fellas headed out to the Chicken Ranch. 974 01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:45,436 - Melvin P Thorpe. - Uh-huh. 975 01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:48,036 Goin' out to the Chicken Ranch, was he? 976 01:07:48,160 --> 01:07:50,435 - Yeah? - Yeah. 977 01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:52,596 He's gonna be real disappointed! 978 01:07:53,800 --> 01:07:57,952 See, there ain't nothin' goin' on. Miss Mona promised me to close down. 979 01:07:58,080 --> 01:08:00,389 Well, she didn't. I was out there this evenin'. 980 01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:03,876 Those Aggies was just celebratin' to beat the band. 981 01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:06,757 - Oh, no. - Uh-huh! 982 01:08:06,880 --> 01:08:09,713 - Oh, shit! - Uh-huh. 983 01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:45,196 Shh. Quiet. 984 01:08:47,840 --> 01:08:51,833 Sh. This may be the most important scoop of my television career. 985 01:08:55,640 --> 01:08:57,596 Not now! Idiot boy. 986 01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:02,636 Give me that. Now. 987 01:09:02,760 --> 01:09:06,548 Good neighbours, we're about to enter the whorehouse itself. 988 01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:08,352 Cut. Come on. 989 01:09:09,040 --> 01:09:10,917 Stay with me. Come on. 990 01:09:11,040 --> 01:09:13,235 Come on, boys. 991 01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:16,238 There's been a party here. Watch your step. Sh. 992 01:09:18,720 --> 01:09:20,676 Hold this. 993 01:09:22,640 --> 01:09:24,358 (creaks) 994 01:09:25,760 --> 01:09:27,716 Damn quiet. 995 01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:30,076 Billy Joe, light switch. 996 01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:37,275 Shh. Come on. No! 997 01:09:38,680 --> 01:09:40,636 (snoring) 998 01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:43,956 Careful. 999 01:09:45,480 --> 01:09:48,392 Henry... Lights. Light switch. 1000 01:09:48,520 --> 01:09:51,034 Watch me. You know what you gotta do. 1001 01:09:52,640 --> 01:09:55,154 Bingo. Lights! 1002 01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:57,236 Everybody up! 1003 01:09:59,320 --> 01:10:00,878 Let's get 'em! 1004 01:10:01,880 --> 01:10:03,836 All right! Come along! 1005 01:10:06,920 --> 01:10:08,069 Oh, shit! 1006 01:10:14,040 --> 01:10:16,554 - Jewel, what in hell is goin' on? - Call the sheriff! 1007 01:10:16,680 --> 01:10:18,716 It's that Melvin P Thorpe sucker! 1008 01:10:20,840 --> 01:10:23,115 Oh! Ooh! 1009 01:10:23,280 --> 01:10:25,510 They're smokin'! Cocaine! 1010 01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:27,551 Take their picture! 1011 01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,151 - All right... - (screams) 1012 01:10:37,280 --> 01:10:39,157 Take her picture! Thank you! 1013 01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:14,917 - Excuse me, ma'am. - Y'all come back now, you hear? 1014 01:11:15,040 --> 01:11:17,600 Come on, boys! Ooh! Look who's here. 1015 01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:20,109 Senator, the eyes of Texas are upon you. 1016 01:11:24,920 --> 01:11:26,956 Come on, boys! We got all we need. 1017 01:11:27,080 --> 01:11:28,399 Thank you, ma'am. 1018 01:11:29,440 --> 01:11:30,793 Oh! 1019 01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:36,874 Miss Mona! 1020 01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:38,956 Melvin P Thorpe. Gotcha! 1021 01:11:41,600 --> 01:11:45,559 Let's get to those vans! We're gonna make the mornin' news! 1022 01:12:14,720 --> 01:12:16,870 See you on TV! (laughs) 1023 01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:18,877 Holy shit! 1024 01:12:19,000 --> 01:12:20,956 God almighty. 1025 01:12:34,160 --> 01:12:37,232 Damn it! You gave me your word! And I took it! 1026 01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:39,999 - Now, I'm the law! - That law! Talk about the law! 1027 01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:44,989 A bunch of crazies break into my house, takin' pictures, invadin' my privacy. 1028 01:12:45,120 --> 01:12:48,590 Do you wanna know what the law's gonna do? I can tell you - nothin'! 1029 01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:51,837 They had no reason to do nothin' if you'd done what you said! 1030 01:12:51,960 --> 01:12:53,916 I trusted you. That's what hurt. 1031 01:12:54,040 --> 01:12:58,113 Don't you talk to me about trust! I trusted you to protect me! 1032 01:12:58,240 --> 01:13:00,708 I made a mistake tonight, OK? 1033 01:13:01,120 --> 01:13:04,510 If that's your apology, it ain't worth armadillo crap. 1034 01:13:04,640 --> 01:13:08,474 I ain't apologisin'! I'm a businesswoman payin' out double taxes! 1035 01:13:08,600 --> 01:13:12,957 I expect a little protection for my money! Where were you? I couldn't get you... 1036 01:13:13,080 --> 01:13:16,277 I was in bed, because you gave me your word you were closin' down. 1037 01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:19,119 If Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace was here, none of this... 1038 01:13:19,240 --> 01:13:22,789 Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace couldn't hold my jock! 1039 01:13:22,920 --> 01:13:25,275 Goddamn it, Mona, you're makin' me mad! 1040 01:13:25,400 --> 01:13:29,757 Whoo! Listen at him cuss and shout. Just like on TV! 1041 01:13:29,880 --> 01:13:32,519 You're just a kid playin' at bein' a cowboy. 1042 01:13:32,640 --> 01:13:34,790 You ain't never gonna grow up! 1043 01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:36,876 You use me as your mistress. 1044 01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:39,912 You use that damn Dulcie Mae as your in-town wife. 1045 01:13:40,040 --> 01:13:42,110 You even use that little boy of hers... 1046 01:13:42,240 --> 01:13:44,913 ...so you can play weekend daddy! - Leave him out of it! 1047 01:13:45,040 --> 01:13:50,034 You're playin'. You're just a big, overgrown kid playin' at bein' a man! 1048 01:13:50,160 --> 01:13:53,197 I don't have to listen to this shit. Damn it! 1049 01:13:53,320 --> 01:13:57,518 I'm the law. If I choose to, I'll close this place down till hell freezes over. 1050 01:13:57,640 --> 01:14:01,758 Don't you threaten me. I'm tellin' the truth, and you know it! 1051 01:14:01,880 --> 01:14:05,759 And all of your big dreams of goin' to the legislature. 1052 01:14:05,880 --> 01:14:10,635 They're just dreams, cos you ain't never gonna be no more than you are right now. 1053 01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:14,070 A chickenshit sheriff in a chickenshit town. 1054 01:14:16,600 --> 01:14:20,388 You may be right. It's a hell of a lot better than bein' a whore. 1055 01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:24,196 Legalised prostitution, pro or con, is in the news today. 1056 01:15:24,320 --> 01:15:27,790 For a report, here is Jeff Gerald in Gilbert, Texas. 1057 01:15:29,200 --> 01:15:31,839 The Chicken Ranch, the legendary bawdyhouse... 1058 01:15:31,960 --> 01:15:36,112 ...is showing little activity after the disclosure of the Thanksgiving-night raid. 1059 01:15:36,240 --> 01:15:39,755 - Get away! - The deputy keeps away onlookers... 1060 01:15:39,880 --> 01:15:44,192 ...while up at the house the doors are closed and the principals are not talking. 1061 01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:47,029 The Sheriff of Gilbert refused interviews... 1062 01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:50,755 ...while in Houston the man who launched the campaign, Melvin P Thorpe... 1063 01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:52,836 ...held a press conference today. 1064 01:15:52,960 --> 01:15:55,349 This report says that the Chicken Ranch... 1065 01:15:55,480 --> 01:15:59,473 ...is involved with and under the influence of organised crime. 1066 01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:04,151 I am gonna take this report to Austin in the hopes that the governor himself... 1067 01:16:04,280 --> 01:16:08,398 ...will come out of his long silence on this issue and uphold the law. 1068 01:16:08,520 --> 01:16:11,592 - (applause) - Thank you. Thank you very much. 1069 01:16:12,040 --> 01:16:13,996 The governor made no statement... 1070 01:16:14,120 --> 01:16:17,635 ...but Senator Charles Wingwood, a principal figure in the raid... 1071 01:16:17,760 --> 01:16:20,479 ...held a press conference explaining his involvement. 1072 01:16:20,600 --> 01:16:24,115 I have no independent recollection of going to the Chicken Ranch. 1073 01:16:24,240 --> 01:16:28,756 I can only say, as the most dedicated anti-Communist in the state legislature... 1074 01:16:28,880 --> 01:16:32,759 ...that I must have been drugged by Communists or Communist sympathisers... 1075 01:16:32,880 --> 01:16:36,555 ...and placed there to harm my reputation and good name. 1076 01:16:36,680 --> 01:16:39,035 Reaction across the state is split 50-50. 1077 01:16:39,160 --> 01:16:42,232 But here in Gilbert, the Chicken Ranch has many supporters. 1078 01:16:42,360 --> 01:16:46,797 I ain't never seen anything bad come out of there, and I've lived here all my life. 1079 01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:49,798 Why, they attract a lot of business to the community. 1080 01:16:49,920 --> 01:16:52,480 They pay their taxes, just like you and me! 1081 01:16:53,200 --> 01:16:56,636 No one... no one was ever forced to go up there. 1082 01:16:56,800 --> 01:16:59,951 My Frank, when he was alive, used to go up there every Saturday. 1083 01:17:00,080 --> 01:17:04,119 I took it as a blessin'. Of course, things were different then. 1084 01:17:04,240 --> 01:17:08,153 Nowadays women enjoy doin' that sort of thing themselves. 1085 01:17:08,280 --> 01:17:10,430 At least, so I've been told. 1086 01:17:10,560 --> 01:17:13,358 The Chicken Ranch? I think it's a good idea. 1087 01:17:13,480 --> 01:17:16,631 See, you take young boys and they're gonna be lookin' for women. 1088 01:17:16,760 --> 01:17:19,672 If they can't find 'em, they'll rape 'em. And if they don't... 1089 01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:23,713 ...they'll run to other women and get diseases! Those girls went to doctors. 1090 01:17:23,840 --> 01:17:27,355 Although petitions are being circulated to save the Chicken Ranch... 1091 01:17:27,480 --> 01:17:30,119 ...this bumper sticker is beginning to appear. 1092 01:17:30,560 --> 01:17:35,429 And so, as feminists support the bill for the decriminalisation of prostitution... 1093 01:17:35,560 --> 01:17:38,836 ...while traditionalists lobby for its defeat... 1094 01:17:38,960 --> 01:17:43,476 ...the fate of the Chicken Ranch rests with the governor, who again was unavailable. 1095 01:17:43,840 --> 01:17:46,070 Jeff Gerald, ABC News, Gilbert, Texas. 1096 01:17:46,200 --> 01:17:48,156 Thank you, Jeff. If there are... 1097 01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:52,309 Well, I hate admitting I was wrong, Miss Mona. 1098 01:17:52,440 --> 01:17:55,193 But with television broadcasting all this... 1099 01:17:55,320 --> 01:17:59,836 ...we should've done what the sheriff said and kept this place closed. 1100 01:17:59,960 --> 01:18:02,758 It was my fault, Jewel. It was my decision. 1101 01:18:02,880 --> 01:18:05,474 He ain't gonna be able to stop it this time, is he? 1102 01:18:05,600 --> 01:18:09,036 No. He'd like to, but he's out of his league. 1103 01:18:09,160 --> 01:18:11,230 He don't know how to fight 'em. 1104 01:18:11,360 --> 01:18:15,239 He's just a good old boy that ain't never gonna grow up. 1105 01:18:15,360 --> 01:18:17,669 Honey, we see everything in this profession. 1106 01:18:17,800 --> 01:18:21,475 But one thing I ain't never seen, man nor woman, is a grown-up. 1107 01:18:21,600 --> 01:18:24,398 Don't be too hard on him. He loves you. 1108 01:18:28,360 --> 01:18:31,113 Well, he ain't never said it. 1109 01:18:31,240 --> 01:18:33,993 Some men can't say the words, honey. 1110 01:18:34,120 --> 01:18:37,351 But that don't mean they don't feel it in their heart. 1111 01:18:37,880 --> 01:18:40,997 Well, it's just as well anyhow, Jewel. 1112 01:18:41,120 --> 01:18:43,759 I set my course a long time ago... 1113 01:18:44,760 --> 01:18:47,115 ...and I can't go changin' now. 1114 01:18:51,560 --> 01:18:56,475 I don't know what to do. Folks got nothin' to talk about but this Chicken Ranch mess. 1115 01:18:56,600 --> 01:18:59,433 Like a broken record: Chicken Ranch, Chicken Ranch... 1116 01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:02,393 All of this bad publicity's flat ruinin' business. 1117 01:19:02,520 --> 01:19:06,274 - I haven't sold a car in a week. - It's ruinin' the town. 1118 01:19:06,400 --> 01:19:09,472 No one's blamin' you, Ed Earl. It ain't your fault. 1119 01:19:09,600 --> 01:19:12,398 But we can't just sit around here waitin' to grow tits! 1120 01:19:12,520 --> 01:19:15,398 The way I see it, the Chicken Ranch served a purpose once. 1121 01:19:15,520 --> 01:19:17,476 But now everything's openin' up. 1122 01:19:17,600 --> 01:19:21,115 Do you know we are in the middle of a worldwide sexual revolution? 1123 01:19:21,240 --> 01:19:23,959 Why, Miss Mona's ain't obscene, it's just obsolete. 1124 01:19:24,080 --> 01:19:27,072 She ain't got a handful of supporters left, Ed Earl. 1125 01:19:27,320 --> 01:19:32,075 All this publicity's makin' folks think twice about signin' that petition. 1126 01:19:32,200 --> 01:19:36,910 Why can't that station in Houston look at the cesspool in their own back yard? 1127 01:19:37,040 --> 01:19:39,918 How about Austin? Two blocks from the state capitol... 1128 01:19:40,040 --> 01:19:43,396 ...you can have anything done to you that you can get in Tangiers! 1129 01:19:43,520 --> 01:19:45,795 There's naked massages, tongue baths... 1130 01:19:45,920 --> 01:19:48,309 ...somebody ticklin' your ass with a feather. 1131 01:19:48,440 --> 01:19:52,228 If you know that for a fact, Mr Newspaper Editor... 1132 01:19:52,360 --> 01:19:54,316 ...it's your duty to expose it! 1133 01:19:54,440 --> 01:19:59,150 Now, you see here, CJ! I don't give a damn if folks want their ass tickled! 1134 01:19:59,280 --> 01:20:02,636 I kinda like to think that that's what heaven is all about. 1135 01:20:05,000 --> 01:20:08,675 Boys, I got myself a pretty good bullshit detector. 1136 01:20:08,800 --> 01:20:13,316 I can tell when somebody's peein' on my boots and tellin' me it's a rainstorm. 1137 01:20:13,440 --> 01:20:16,989 Now, this thing's gotten way outta hand. I don't know how. 1138 01:20:17,120 --> 01:20:20,476 - I figure there's only one thing to do. - Close it down! 1139 01:20:20,840 --> 01:20:23,798 Nope. I'm goin' to Austin. 1140 01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:27,833 See the governor. Tell him Miss Mona's side of the situation. 1141 01:20:28,680 --> 01:20:31,274 He sure as hell won't hear about it from anybody here. 1142 01:20:31,400 --> 01:20:34,710 - You can't go up and see the governor! - He don't see anybody! 1143 01:20:34,840 --> 01:20:36,990 He'll see me. 1144 01:20:48,920 --> 01:20:52,515 Feel like the country dog in the city. If I stand still, they screw me. 1145 01:20:52,640 --> 01:20:55,108 - If I run, they bite me in the ass. - (laughs) 1146 01:20:56,080 --> 01:20:58,355 I... I wish... 1147 01:20:58,480 --> 01:21:00,914 ...there was somethin' I could do. 1148 01:21:01,040 --> 01:21:02,996 Thank you. 1149 01:21:05,520 --> 01:21:08,876 They want me to close her down, run her out of town. 1150 01:21:12,400 --> 01:21:16,154 How can I ask her to leave, when all I want her to do is stay? 1151 01:21:35,680 --> 01:21:40,674 Ladies and gentlemen, His Excellency, the Governor of Texas. 1152 01:21:43,560 --> 01:21:47,951 My friends, I want to thank you for that sincere and heartwarming ovation. 1153 01:21:48,080 --> 01:21:50,036 No questions, please. 1154 01:21:50,160 --> 01:21:53,357 Governor, what do you think of the crisis in the Middle East? 1155 01:21:53,480 --> 01:21:57,359 I was sayin' at the weekly prayer breakfast in this historic capitol... 1156 01:21:57,480 --> 01:21:59,710 ...that it behooves the Jews and the Arabs... 1157 01:21:59,840 --> 01:22:03,515 ...to settle their differences in a christian manner. 1158 01:22:03,640 --> 01:22:08,031 Have you seen the evidence of the disgraceful situation at the Chicken Ranch? 1159 01:22:10,360 --> 01:22:14,638 Fellow Texans, I am proudly 1160 01:22:15,120 --> 01:22:19,318 Standing here to humbly say 1161 01:22:20,280 --> 01:22:22,236 I assure you 1162 01:22:22,360 --> 01:22:24,430 And I mean it 1163 01:22:24,560 --> 01:22:29,111 Now, who says I don't speak out as plain as day? 1164 01:22:29,240 --> 01:22:31,196 And fellow Texans 1165 01:22:31,960 --> 01:22:35,396 I'm for progress and the flag 1166 01:22:35,520 --> 01:22:38,557 Long may it fly 1167 01:22:39,840 --> 01:22:43,389 I'm a poor boy come to greatness 1168 01:22:45,240 --> 01:22:48,710 So it follows that I cannot tell a lie 1169 01:22:50,320 --> 01:22:54,074 - What the hell did he say? - Same as usual. Not a damn thing. 1170 01:22:58,360 --> 01:23:01,557 Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1171 01:23:01,960 --> 01:23:04,997 Now they see me, now they don't, I've come and gone 1172 01:23:05,120 --> 01:23:08,715 And ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1173 01:23:09,120 --> 01:23:12,157 Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1174 01:23:16,120 --> 01:23:17,678 - Governor! - Yeah. 1175 01:23:17,800 --> 01:23:20,917 - Jerry Rogers of the Houston Post. - Hi, Jerry. 1176 01:23:21,040 --> 01:23:24,874 Governor, do you plan to take action against the Chicken Ranch? 1177 01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:28,436 Now, my good friends, it behooves me 1178 01:23:28,720 --> 01:23:31,393 To be solemn and declare 1179 01:23:32,360 --> 01:23:35,113 I'm for goodness and for profit 1180 01:23:36,000 --> 01:23:39,436 And for living clean and saying daily prayer 1181 01:23:39,560 --> 01:23:42,757 And now, my good friends, you can sleep nights 1182 01:23:43,280 --> 01:23:46,238 I'll continue to stand tall 1183 01:23:46,920 --> 01:23:49,912 You can trust me for I promise 1184 01:23:50,560 --> 01:23:54,314 I shall keep a watchful eye upon y'all 1185 01:23:57,880 --> 01:24:01,190 - Did you get that? - I hear him talkin', but he don't come in. 1186 01:24:02,000 --> 01:24:05,231 Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1187 01:24:05,680 --> 01:24:08,797 Now they see me, now they don't, I've come and gone 1188 01:24:08,920 --> 01:24:12,595 And ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1189 01:24:12,920 --> 01:24:15,957 Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1190 01:24:17,320 --> 01:24:20,392 There he is. Come on, boys. Governor! Governor. 1191 01:24:20,960 --> 01:24:23,110 Melvin P Thorpe, Watchdog News. 1192 01:24:23,320 --> 01:24:26,392 Why has the Chicken Ranch operation been so long ignored? 1193 01:24:26,520 --> 01:24:28,476 We have acoustic problems in here. 1194 01:24:28,600 --> 01:24:33,037 - Aren't you afraid of payoffs and bribes? - Melvin, I'm sorry. 1195 01:24:33,160 --> 01:24:35,799 Enough pussyfootin', Governor. What will you do... 1196 01:24:35,920 --> 01:24:38,388 ...about Miss Mona and the Chicken Ranch? 1197 01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:52,913 Now Miss Mona, I don't know her 1198 01:24:53,560 --> 01:24:57,838 Though I've heard the name, oh, yes 1199 01:24:58,880 --> 01:25:02,316 But of course I have no close contact 1200 01:25:02,840 --> 01:25:07,231 So what she is doin' I can only guess 1201 01:25:07,360 --> 01:25:09,316 And now Miss Mona 1202 01:25:09,720 --> 01:25:16,034 She's a blemish on the face of that good town 1203 01:25:19,120 --> 01:25:21,839 I am takin' certain steps here 1204 01:25:22,600 --> 01:25:26,275 Someone somewhere's gonna have to close her down 1205 01:25:29,640 --> 01:25:31,153 Can you believe that man? 1206 01:25:31,280 --> 01:25:34,158 - Is that a yes or a no? - That's a possible maybe. 1207 01:25:35,840 --> 01:25:39,116 Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1208 01:25:39,400 --> 01:25:42,551 Now they see me, now they don't, I've come and gone 1209 01:25:42,680 --> 01:25:46,389 And ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1210 01:25:46,800 --> 01:25:49,633 Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1211 01:25:50,480 --> 01:25:53,631 Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1212 01:25:57,720 --> 01:26:00,917 Ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1213 01:26:08,640 --> 01:26:13,873 Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1214 01:26:20,480 --> 01:26:24,439 Governor? I have Sheriff Dodd from Gilbert waiting outside to see you. 1215 01:26:24,560 --> 01:26:28,189 He's been here since early this morning and is very insistent. 1216 01:26:28,320 --> 01:26:30,629 Swearin' Sheriff Dodd? The one on TV? 1217 01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:32,557 No, no, no, no... 1218 01:26:32,680 --> 01:26:34,477 Hi, Sheriff! 1219 01:26:34,600 --> 01:26:36,875 Just talkin' about you. How are ya? 1220 01:26:37,000 --> 01:26:39,798 Governor, I know I'm way outta line comin' up here... 1221 01:26:39,920 --> 01:26:42,957 ...but before you close the Chicken Ranch you must know the facts. 1222 01:26:43,080 --> 01:26:46,038 I haven't made that decision! My aides are workin' on that. 1223 01:26:46,160 --> 01:26:50,472 Well, the Chicken Ranch has been in my county since before I was born. 1224 01:26:50,800 --> 01:26:54,998 Its doors have been open to soldiers and presidents and farmers. 1225 01:26:55,800 --> 01:26:59,713 Even governors who can remember what a great institution it is. 1226 01:27:00,520 --> 01:27:02,988 - No need to bring that up. - I ain't threatenin' you. 1227 01:27:03,120 --> 01:27:05,839 Whatever you say, I'll do. But think of the people. 1228 01:27:05,960 --> 01:27:09,191 I've known Miss Mona for 12 years. You'll never meet a finer woman. 1229 01:27:09,320 --> 01:27:12,392 She never refuses a charity. The whole town likes her. 1230 01:27:12,520 --> 01:27:15,990 Hospital fund, new swimmin' pool, even the Little Leaguers. 1231 01:27:16,120 --> 01:27:19,954 She bought 'em uniforms so they wouldn't have to play in their overalls. 1232 01:27:20,080 --> 01:27:22,036 Well... 1233 01:27:22,840 --> 01:27:25,991 I wasn't aware of her civic generosity. 1234 01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:30,673 - But the law is the law! - Sometimes it's gotta be changed. 1235 01:27:30,800 --> 01:27:34,554 I been fightin' crime all my life, but let's not confuse crime with sin. 1236 01:27:34,680 --> 01:27:38,753 You can't legislate morality. Those girls have never caused any trouble. 1237 01:27:38,880 --> 01:27:41,838 They're healthy, taxpayin', law-abidin' citizens... 1238 01:27:41,960 --> 01:27:45,589 ...who supply a demand and provide an economic asset to the community. 1239 01:27:45,720 --> 01:27:47,870 Whew! Ed Earl! 1240 01:27:48,840 --> 01:27:51,991 You ever think about runnin' for office? Huh? 1241 01:27:52,120 --> 01:27:57,672 I swear, you make that whorehouse sound like a damn nonprofit recreational facility. 1242 01:27:57,800 --> 01:28:02,749 Governor, if the citizens who elected me found it necessary to close it down... 1243 01:28:02,880 --> 01:28:04,472 ...I would close it down. 1244 01:28:04,600 --> 01:28:07,194 If Miss Mona and the girls that work for her... 1245 01:28:07,320 --> 01:28:10,471 ...were jeopardisin' the health or morals of the community... 1246 01:28:10,600 --> 01:28:12,158 ...I would close it down. 1247 01:28:12,280 --> 01:28:15,875 If the place was just a piddlin' nuisance, an eyesore, a fire hazard... 1248 01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:18,434 ...I would close it down! But there's nothin'! 1249 01:28:18,560 --> 01:28:20,915 No reason except the goddamn cries... 1250 01:28:21,040 --> 01:28:24,669 ...of a muckrakin' sensationalist on television. 1251 01:28:24,800 --> 01:28:28,190 Here they are, Governor. What you've been waitin' for. 1252 01:28:29,880 --> 01:28:31,836 Oh, I'm sorry, Ed Earl. 1253 01:28:31,960 --> 01:28:35,635 The Chicken Ranch loses, 42 to 37, with 21%% undecided. 1254 01:28:35,760 --> 01:28:37,352 - What is that? - The polls. 1255 01:28:37,480 --> 01:28:40,153 You can't expect me to go against the polls. 1256 01:28:40,280 --> 01:28:42,999 Melvin still outside? Maybe I can catch the cameras. 1257 01:28:43,120 --> 01:28:46,510 - Good seein' ya. - But it's not what my people want. 1258 01:28:47,120 --> 01:28:49,759 Show's over, Sheriff. Close it down! 1259 01:28:59,120 --> 01:29:00,951 - (crowd) Hooray! - Ha-ha! 1260 01:29:03,760 --> 01:29:06,593 Melvin Thorpe has done it once again 1261 01:29:06,720 --> 01:29:10,190 He's shone his light and now we see 1262 01:29:10,960 --> 01:29:13,838 Melvin Thorpe will go through thick and thin 1263 01:29:13,960 --> 01:29:17,316 And lead us on to victory 1264 01:29:18,320 --> 01:29:21,517 Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep 1265 01:29:21,920 --> 01:29:25,117 Now they see me, now they don't, I've come and gone 1266 01:29:25,240 --> 01:29:28,710 And ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step 1267 01:29:29,280 --> 01:29:32,317 Cut a little swath and lead the people on 1268 01:29:32,760 --> 01:29:35,672 Melvin Thorpe has done it once again 1269 01:29:35,800 --> 01:29:39,190 He's shone his light and now we see 1270 01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:42,798 Melvin Thorpe will go through thick and thin 1271 01:29:42,920 --> 01:29:46,708 And lead us on to victory 1272 01:29:48,040 --> 01:29:50,998 Melvin Thorpe has done it once again 1273 01:29:51,120 --> 01:29:54,908 He's shone his light and now we see 1274 01:29:55,040 --> 01:29:58,555 I'd love to see that sheriff's face right now! 1275 01:29:59,120 --> 01:30:02,317 That Chicken Ranch is gonna get it in the neck! 1276 01:30:02,920 --> 01:30:06,117 And Miss Mona, she's gonna get hers too. 1277 01:30:09,680 --> 01:30:12,478 Melvin Thorpe will go through thick and thin 1278 01:30:12,600 --> 01:30:19,551 And lead us all to victory 1279 01:30:22,720 --> 01:30:24,870 (Ed Earl) Sorry son of a bitch. 1280 01:30:41,920 --> 01:30:44,388 (phone rings) 1281 01:30:58,160 --> 01:31:00,151 Hello. 1282 01:31:00,280 --> 01:31:02,475 Mona, this is an official call. 1283 01:31:03,400 --> 01:31:06,119 As the Sheriff of Lanville County, it's my duty... 1284 01:31:06,240 --> 01:31:09,232 Why don't you just get to the point, Sheriff? 1285 01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:13,432 - I gotta close you down. - I see. 1286 01:31:15,400 --> 01:31:17,436 How long do we have? 1287 01:31:17,560 --> 01:31:19,835 Be better to do it as soon as possible. 1288 01:31:22,240 --> 01:31:24,515 I understand. 1289 01:31:24,640 --> 01:31:26,596 Mona. 1290 01:31:27,360 --> 01:31:29,510 About the other night. 1291 01:31:31,160 --> 01:31:33,310 I lost my temper. 1292 01:31:34,480 --> 01:31:36,948 I said some things I shouldn't have said. 1293 01:31:38,320 --> 01:31:40,276 I want to apologise. 1294 01:31:40,400 --> 01:31:42,311 Oh, it's all right, Ed Earl. 1295 01:31:42,440 --> 01:31:45,796 I think we both said a whole lot of things we regret. 1296 01:31:45,920 --> 01:31:47,797 If there's anything I can do... 1297 01:31:47,920 --> 01:31:51,310 No, thank you. I think you've done all you could. 1298 01:31:51,440 --> 01:31:53,396 I have to tell my girls. 1299 01:32:20,880 --> 01:32:22,836 (bell) 1300 01:32:26,160 --> 01:32:28,310 Well, the news has come. 1301 01:32:29,120 --> 01:32:31,315 Just got a call from the sheriff... 1302 01:32:31,440 --> 01:32:33,351 ...and we are closed down. 1303 01:32:33,480 --> 01:32:35,436 Immediately and permanently. 1304 01:32:37,200 --> 01:32:39,839 Oh... What'll we do? 1305 01:32:40,640 --> 01:32:43,677 Well... Las Vegas, here I come. 1306 01:32:44,040 --> 01:32:47,715 Damn! I thought when the sheriff went to speak to the governor... 1307 01:32:47,840 --> 01:32:50,718 ...we'd get a reprieve. - What did you say? 1308 01:32:51,200 --> 01:32:55,478 - Didn't you know about that, Miss Mona? - He drove up last night. 1309 01:32:55,600 --> 01:32:59,149 The whole town's talkin' about the way he fought for you. 1310 01:32:59,280 --> 01:33:01,396 Didn't he tell you that? 1311 01:33:01,520 --> 01:33:03,909 No. No, he didn't. 1312 01:33:32,960 --> 01:33:36,589 Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair 1313 01:33:38,680 --> 01:33:41,035 Maybe I'll move somewhere 1314 01:33:41,160 --> 01:33:43,116 Maybe I'll get a car 1315 01:33:43,480 --> 01:33:48,395 Maybe I'll drive so far they'll all lose track 1316 01:33:48,800 --> 01:33:51,951 Me, I'll bounce right back 1317 01:33:52,880 --> 01:33:54,950 Maybe I'll sleep real late 1318 01:33:57,600 --> 01:33:59,670 Maybe I'll lose some weight 1319 01:34:00,040 --> 01:34:02,190 Maybe I'll clear my junk 1320 01:34:02,320 --> 01:34:07,553 Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine 1321 01:34:07,760 --> 01:34:13,278 Me, I'll be just fine and dandy 1322 01:34:13,560 --> 01:34:17,758 Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1323 01:34:18,000 --> 01:34:22,357 I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1324 01:34:22,600 --> 01:34:26,991 But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1325 01:34:27,480 --> 01:34:31,473 I'll be fine and dandy 1326 01:34:32,120 --> 01:34:36,352 Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1327 01:34:36,480 --> 01:34:40,712 I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1328 01:34:41,040 --> 01:34:46,239 But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1329 01:34:49,400 --> 01:34:53,109 Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew 1330 01:34:54,640 --> 01:34:57,950 Hey, maybe I'll just lie low 1331 01:34:58,080 --> 01:35:00,150 Maybe I'll hit the bars 1332 01:35:00,280 --> 01:35:05,195 Maybe I'll count the stars until the dawn 1333 01:35:05,720 --> 01:35:09,315 Me, I will go on 1334 01:35:09,680 --> 01:35:12,035 Maybe I'll settle down 1335 01:35:14,280 --> 01:35:16,475 Maybe I'll just leave town 1336 01:35:16,600 --> 01:35:18,636 Maybe I'll have some fun 1337 01:35:18,960 --> 01:35:23,670 Maybe I'll meet someone and make him mine 1338 01:35:24,080 --> 01:35:29,473 Me, I'll be just fine and dandy 1339 01:35:29,920 --> 01:35:33,993 Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1340 01:35:34,200 --> 01:35:38,512 I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1341 01:35:38,720 --> 01:35:43,111 But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1342 01:35:43,560 --> 01:35:47,633 I'll be fine and dandy 1343 01:35:48,080 --> 01:35:52,358 Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1344 01:35:52,480 --> 01:35:56,712 I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1345 01:35:57,000 --> 01:36:01,278 But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1346 01:36:04,000 --> 01:36:07,959 I'll be fine and dandy 1347 01:36:08,520 --> 01:36:12,593 Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas 1348 01:36:12,920 --> 01:36:17,152 I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow 1349 01:36:17,400 --> 01:36:21,837 But still I won't let sorrow bring me way down 1350 01:36:42,800 --> 01:36:46,873 I'll be fine 1351 01:36:47,400 --> 01:36:51,473 I'll be fine 1352 01:36:52,080 --> 01:36:57,074 I'll be fine 1353 01:37:10,880 --> 01:37:15,271 So the girls left, and it was a sorry day for Lanville County. 1354 01:37:18,240 --> 01:37:20,196 Kinda like the end of an era. 1355 01:37:20,680 --> 01:37:23,558 You know, like when you graduate from high school? 1356 01:37:23,680 --> 01:37:25,955 Things are just never the same again. 1357 01:37:28,040 --> 01:37:31,112 Ed Earl's up in the state legislature now... 1358 01:37:31,240 --> 01:37:33,390 ...and I became the sheriff. 1359 01:37:39,800 --> 01:37:42,394 I suppose you're wonderin' what happened to Miss Mona. 1360 01:37:42,520 --> 01:37:45,956 Well, Ed Earl drove up there on her last day. 1361 01:38:01,480 --> 01:38:03,755 - Hey, Sheriff. - Good morning, Jewel. 1362 01:38:03,880 --> 01:38:07,236 I'm so pleased to see you. I knew you couldn't let me leave... 1363 01:38:07,360 --> 01:38:10,352 ...without a sweet goodbye for your old Porky. 1364 01:38:12,680 --> 01:38:15,035 - Goodbye, Jewel. - Goodbye, Sheriff. 1365 01:38:15,160 --> 01:38:18,072 I sure hope you come up north to visit Miss Mona and me. 1366 01:38:18,200 --> 01:38:20,350 - Where is she? - Inside. 1367 01:38:22,400 --> 01:38:24,994 See you're takin' the old juke with you. 1368 01:38:25,120 --> 01:38:28,795 Now, you know I couldn't leave without my bell and my box. 1369 01:39:10,680 --> 01:39:13,114 Ed Earl? 1370 01:39:14,720 --> 01:39:17,359 This old place looks kinda funny, don't it? 1371 01:39:17,800 --> 01:39:22,794 Ben Sawtuck bought all my furniture and Langston downtown's gonna sell the rest. 1372 01:39:27,480 --> 01:39:31,189 - Mona, I wanna tell you somethin'. - I want you to thank your boys for me. 1373 01:39:31,320 --> 01:39:36,110 Those reporters would have got outta hand if it hadn't been for your deputies. 1374 01:39:37,680 --> 01:39:40,638 - You know me better than... - Ed Earl, the thing to do... 1375 01:39:40,760 --> 01:39:44,514 ...is to put this whole thing behind you just as quick as you can. 1376 01:39:44,640 --> 01:39:47,837 I've made a little money, I've laughed, I've danced to the music. 1377 01:39:47,960 --> 01:39:50,952 It's just time to pay the fiddler, that's all. 1378 01:39:53,400 --> 01:39:56,358 Mona, we've been together a long time. 1379 01:39:56,480 --> 01:39:59,870 Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. 1380 01:40:01,160 --> 01:40:03,435 You know how hard this is for me to say. 1381 01:40:05,560 --> 01:40:07,516 I love you. 1382 01:40:09,440 --> 01:40:11,351 Will you marry me? 1383 01:40:11,480 --> 01:40:14,870 Oh, Ed Earl, I've loved you since I was 16 years old. 1384 01:40:15,400 --> 01:40:18,153 But I've thought about this for a long time. 1385 01:40:18,280 --> 01:40:20,555 And as much as I'd love for it to work... 1386 01:40:20,680 --> 01:40:24,036 ...I know deep down in my heart it ain't never gonna be. 1387 01:40:24,160 --> 01:40:26,879 - Didn't you hear what I said? - I did, darlin'. 1388 01:40:27,000 --> 01:40:29,514 But it's gonna always be just like it is. 1389 01:40:30,160 --> 01:40:32,913 There just ain't no way in this world it can work. 1390 01:40:33,600 --> 01:40:36,672 We could make it work. Just have to give it a chance. 1391 01:40:38,680 --> 01:40:43,310 If I should stay 1392 01:40:44,840 --> 01:40:49,834 Well, I would only be in your way 1393 01:40:51,520 --> 01:40:54,478 And so I'll go 1394 01:40:55,040 --> 01:40:57,998 And yet I know 1395 01:40:58,680 --> 01:41:03,708 That I'll think of you each step of the way 1396 01:41:06,280 --> 01:41:09,192 And I 1397 01:41:09,840 --> 01:41:14,914 Will always love you 1398 01:41:15,040 --> 01:41:19,636 I will always 1399 01:41:19,760 --> 01:41:23,992 Love you 1400 01:41:26,720 --> 01:41:31,350 Bittersweet memories 1401 01:41:33,520 --> 01:41:38,389 I guess that's all I'll be takin' with me 1402 01:41:41,040 --> 01:41:42,996 Goodbye 1403 01:41:43,360 --> 01:41:45,510 Oh, please, don't cry 1404 01:41:46,760 --> 01:41:53,916 Cos we both know that I'm not what you need 1405 01:41:54,360 --> 01:41:57,079 But I 1406 01:41:57,440 --> 01:42:02,798 Will always love you 1407 01:42:02,920 --> 01:42:07,152 I will always 1408 01:42:07,600 --> 01:42:11,559 Love you 1409 01:42:16,840 --> 01:42:19,274 I know you're gonna get your dream. 1410 01:42:20,040 --> 01:42:23,715 And I know you're gonna do a real good job in the legislature. 1411 01:42:24,840 --> 01:42:27,877 - But if you was to marry me... - Wait a second. 1412 01:42:28,640 --> 01:42:30,835 I love you. 1413 01:42:31,520 --> 01:42:34,114 I don't give a damn what people say. 1414 01:42:39,640 --> 01:42:40,834 Jewel! Hold it right there! 1415 01:42:40,960 --> 01:42:42,916 What's that, Sheriff? 1416 01:42:45,480 --> 01:42:48,233 - Which one of them bags is hers? - That one. 1417 01:42:49,040 --> 01:42:51,838 And that one there, there... 1418 01:42:59,200 --> 01:43:00,997 Oh, Sheriff! 1419 01:43:03,800 --> 01:43:06,268 I always knew you'd come through! 1420 01:43:20,760 --> 01:43:22,716 Whoa! 1421 01:44:17,880 --> 01:44:21,793 (Fred) Well, that's pretty darn close to the way it happened. 1422 01:44:21,920 --> 01:44:25,515 The old Watchdog, Melvin P Thorpe, got what he wanted. 1423 01:44:26,560 --> 01:44:30,030 Miss Mona married Ed Earl, and they got what they wanted. 1424 01:44:30,920 --> 01:44:35,072 And the people of Texas, well, they got what they wanted: 1425 01:44:35,200 --> 01:44:39,239 Another legend. The legend of the Chicken Ranch. 1426 01:44:40,240 --> 01:44:43,357 It's just a little bitty pissant country place 1427 01:44:43,600 --> 01:44:45,158 Nothin' much to see 1428 01:44:45,280 --> 01:44:47,840 No drinkin' allowed we get a nice quiet crowd 1429 01:44:47,960 --> 01:44:49,188 Plain as it can be 1430 01:44:49,320 --> 01:44:52,630 It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 1431 01:44:52,760 --> 01:44:54,318 Nothin' too high-toned 1432 01:44:54,440 --> 01:44:56,590 Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 1433 01:44:56,720 --> 01:44:58,312 But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 1434 01:44:58,440 --> 01:45:01,716 It's just a little bitty pissant country place 1435 01:45:01,840 --> 01:45:03,398 Nothin' much to see 1436 01:45:03,520 --> 01:45:05,954 No drinkin' allowed, we get a nice quiet crowd 1437 01:45:06,080 --> 01:45:07,479 Plain as it can be 1438 01:45:07,600 --> 01:45:10,751 It's just a piddly, squattin' old-time country place 1439 01:45:10,880 --> 01:45:12,518 Nothin' too high-toned 1440 01:45:12,640 --> 01:45:14,676 Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 1441 01:45:14,920 --> 01:45:16,956 Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 1442 01:45:17,200 --> 01:45:19,270 Just lots of goodwill and maybe one small thrill 1443 01:45:19,400 --> 01:45:21,038 But there's nothin' dirty goin' on 1444 01:45:24,120 --> 01:45:25,678 Nothin' dirty goin' on 1445 01:45:26,800 --> 01:45:28,950 Y'all come back now, you hear?