1 00:01:05,241 --> 00:01:09,785 And so, in retiring as president of this college, 2 00:01:10,205 --> 00:01:13,906 it is indeed a painful task to bid you all goodbye. 3 00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:16,742 And now, with the utmost pleasure, 4 00:01:17,171 --> 00:01:21,963 may I present the man who is to guide the destiny of this great institution: 5 00:01:22,385 --> 00:01:27,295 Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff! 6 00:01:33,645 --> 00:01:37,310 Professor, it is an honor to welcome you to Huxley College. 7 00:01:37,733 --> 00:01:40,105 Never mind that, hold this coat. 8 00:01:43,863 --> 00:01:46,569 By the way, there's no smoking. 9 00:01:46,991 --> 00:01:49,067 That's what you said. 10 00:01:52,331 --> 00:01:55,202 It would please the faculty if you would throw your cigar away. 11 00:01:55,625 --> 00:02:00,418 The faculty can keep their seats. There'll be no diving for this cigar. 12 00:02:01,673 --> 00:02:03,749 Members of the faculty, faculty members, 13 00:02:04,176 --> 00:02:06,049 students of Huxley and Huxley students! 14 00:02:06,470 --> 00:02:08,510 I guess that covers everything. 15 00:02:08,931 --> 00:02:11,302 I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech. 16 00:02:11,724 --> 00:02:15,770 Which reminds me of a story so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself. 17 00:02:16,188 --> 00:02:20,767 As I look at your faces, I understand why this college is flat on its back. 18 00:02:21,192 --> 00:02:25,523 At my last college, it was slightly different. I was flat on my back. 19 00:02:25,947 --> 00:02:28,355 Things went from bad to worse, but we all pulled together, 20 00:02:28,783 --> 00:02:31,156 and soon I was flat on my back again. 21 00:02:31,579 --> 00:02:33,784 Any questions? Any answers? 22 00:02:34,206 --> 00:02:37,242 Any rags? Any bones? Any bottles today? And rags... 23 00:02:37,668 --> 00:02:41,831 Let's have some action around here. Who'll say 76? Who'll say 1776? 24 00:02:42,256 --> 00:02:44,497 That's the spirit! 1776! 25 00:02:44,967 --> 00:02:46,875 You'd like to know why I'm here. 26 00:02:47,303 --> 00:02:49,461 I came here to get my son out. 27 00:02:49,889 --> 00:02:52,806 I remember the day he left: A mere boy and a beardless youth. 28 00:02:53,224 --> 00:02:57,270 I kissed them both goodbye. By the way, where is my son? 29 00:02:58,313 --> 00:03:01,646 Young lady, would you get up so I can see the son rise? 30 00:03:04,110 --> 00:03:08,772 So, doing your homework in school, eh? - Hello, old-timer! 31 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:14,442 I'm sure the students would appreciate an outline of your future plans. 32 00:03:14,872 --> 00:03:18,999 What? - I said they would appreciate an outline of your future plans. 33 00:03:19,417 --> 00:03:22,751 You just said that. That's the trouble around here: Talk, talk, talk. 34 00:03:23,171 --> 00:03:27,169 I think I must go mad. Where will it all end? What is it getting you? 35 00:03:27,593 --> 00:03:30,463 Go home to your wife. No, I'll go home to your wife. 36 00:03:30,887 --> 00:03:32,964 Outside of the improvement, she'll never know the difference. 37 00:03:33,391 --> 00:03:37,340 Pull over to the side of the road and let me see your marriage licence. 38 00:03:37,769 --> 00:03:40,936 President Wagstaff, now that you have stepped into my shoes... 39 00:03:41,356 --> 00:03:43,812 Oh, is that what I stepped in? 40 00:03:44,235 --> 00:03:48,563 At least you could have cleaned them. - The trustees have a few suggestions. 41 00:03:48,989 --> 00:03:52,323 I think you know what the trustees can do with their suggestions. 42 00:03:54,119 --> 00:03:57,618 "I don't know what they have to say, it makes no difference anyway, 43 00:03:58,039 --> 00:04:00,247 Whatever it is, I'm against it. 44 00:04:01,043 --> 00:04:06,333 No matter what it is and who commenced it, I'm against it. 45 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:12,047 Your proposition may be good, but let's have one thing understood. 46 00:04:12,470 --> 00:04:13,929 I'm against it! 47 00:04:14,348 --> 00:04:18,761 And even when you've changed it or condensed it, I'm against it. 48 00:04:20,563 --> 00:04:22,354 I'm opposed to it. 49 00:04:22,772 --> 00:04:25,014 On general principles opposed to it." 50 00:04:25,651 --> 00:04:30,478 "He's opposed to it. In fact it seems that he's opposed to it!" 51 00:04:33,867 --> 00:04:36,986 "For months before my son was born, I used to yell from night to morn: 52 00:04:37,413 --> 00:04:40,248 Whatever it is, I'm against it! 53 00:04:40,666 --> 00:04:45,660 And I've kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" 54 00:04:52,177 --> 00:04:56,425 "Knowing Dad as I do, I'd not advise you 55 00:04:56,848 --> 00:05:01,095 to displease him, or tease him. No, no! 56 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:07,308 Don't double-cross him or toss him around. 57 00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:12,483 When dear old Dad once gets mad 58 00:05:12,906 --> 00:05:16,156 he's a hound!" 59 00:05:17,411 --> 00:05:20,116 "My son is right, I'm quick to fight, I'm from a fighting clan. 60 00:05:20,539 --> 00:05:24,039 When I'm abused or badly used, I always get my man. 61 00:05:26,545 --> 00:05:29,118 No matter if he's in Peru, Peduka or Japan, 62 00:05:29,548 --> 00:05:32,218 I go ahead, alive or dead, I always get my man." 63 00:05:32,634 --> 00:05:38,090 "He goes ahead, alive or dead, he always gets his man." 64 00:05:38,515 --> 00:05:41,220 "I soon dispose of all of those who put me on the pan. 65 00:05:41,643 --> 00:05:45,262 As Shakespeare said to Nathan Hale: I always get my man." 66 00:06:14,969 --> 00:06:16,841 "He always gets his man!" 67 00:06:17,262 --> 00:06:19,718 "That's what I said." - "He always gets his man!" 68 00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:22,762 "That's what I mean." - "He always gets his man!" 69 00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:28,060 "You're telling me?" - "He always gets his man!" - "Oh, are you listening?" 70 00:06:30,191 --> 00:06:32,765 "He gets his man! He gets his man!" 71 00:06:33,194 --> 00:06:35,567 "I always get, I always get, 72 00:06:35,989 --> 00:06:39,821 I always get, I always get, I always get, 73 00:06:40,453 --> 00:06:46,491 I always get my man!" 74 00:06:49,794 --> 00:06:52,795 Splendid, Professor! - Congratulations! - Thank you. 75 00:06:53,215 --> 00:06:57,710 Marvellous! - Alright scram, boys, I'll meet you in the barber shop. 76 00:07:01,598 --> 00:07:04,385 Dad, let me congratulate you. I'm proud to be your son. 77 00:07:04,810 --> 00:07:09,768 My boy, you took the words out of my mouth: I'm ashamed to be your father. 78 00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:13,310 You're a disgrace to the family name Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible. 79 00:07:13,736 --> 00:07:16,606 What's this about you fooling around with the college widow? 80 00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:19,985 No wonder you've been 12 years in the same college! 81 00:07:20,409 --> 00:07:24,109 I went to 3 colleges in 12 years and fooled around with 3 widows. 82 00:07:24,537 --> 00:07:26,660 At your age I went to bed right after supper. 83 00:07:27,081 --> 00:07:31,126 Sometimes before supper. Or I went without supper, and didn't go to bed. 84 00:07:31,545 --> 00:07:34,879 A college widow stood for something in those days. She stood for plenty. 85 00:07:35,298 --> 00:07:38,834 There's nothing between me and her. - Then you're crazy to fool with her. 86 00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:42,132 But... - I don't want to talk to you about this again, you snob! 87 00:07:42,556 --> 00:07:45,842 I'd horsewhip you, if I had a horse. You may go now. 88 00:07:46,268 --> 00:07:50,480 Leave your name with the girl outside. We'll be in touch with you. 89 00:07:50,898 --> 00:07:53,222 Where are you going? - You just told me to go. 90 00:07:53,650 --> 00:07:56,901 That's what they teach you here? I tell you to go and you leave me? 91 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,488 You know you can't leave a school-room without raising your hand. 92 00:08:00,907 --> 00:08:04,157 This school has had a new president every year since 1888, 93 00:08:04,578 --> 00:08:06,405 when we won our last football game. 94 00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:10,163 I like education as well as the next man... - Then let me talk to him. 95 00:08:10,584 --> 00:08:15,045 ...but besides education, this college needs a good football team. 96 00:08:15,464 --> 00:08:20,374 And for a good football team, you need good football players. - My boy, 97 00:08:20,803 --> 00:08:24,006 I think you've got something. I'll wait outside until you clean it up. 98 00:08:24,431 --> 00:08:28,097 One more question: Where do you get good football players? 99 00:08:28,518 --> 00:08:30,346 In the speakeasy... - In a speakeasy? 100 00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,642 Isn't that against the law, selling football players in a speakeasy? 101 00:08:34,065 --> 00:08:37,399 Two of the best players in the country hang out there. 102 00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:42,316 You suggest that I go there, without even giving me the address? 103 00:08:42,740 --> 00:08:45,612 42, Elm Street. But you can't go there, it isn't ethical. 104 00:08:46,036 --> 00:08:49,370 It's not right for a college to buy football players. - It isn't, eh? 105 00:08:49,789 --> 00:08:54,120 Well, come on and we'll have a nip. Better still, you wait here. 106 00:08:54,544 --> 00:08:58,127 Anything further, Father? - "Anything further, Father?" That can't be right. 107 00:08:58,548 --> 00:09:01,715 Isn't it "Anything Father, further?" The idea! I married 108 00:09:02,136 --> 00:09:05,967 your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment with you! 109 00:09:08,392 --> 00:09:14,181 "And I kept yelling since I first commenced it: I'm against it!" 110 00:09:24,283 --> 00:09:27,070 That's my proposition. How about it? 111 00:09:27,495 --> 00:09:30,115 It's OK with us, Mr. Jennings, but 112 00:09:30,539 --> 00:09:33,112 how are you gonna fix it? - Don't worry, it's fixed already. 113 00:09:33,542 --> 00:09:37,539 You'll be entered as Darwin students to play in the game against Huxley. 114 00:09:37,963 --> 00:09:41,960 Yeah, but how about the dough? - Here's a little to start with. 115 00:09:42,385 --> 00:09:45,754 You get the balance after the game. With you boys playing for Darwin, 116 00:09:46,180 --> 00:09:51,387 Huxley can't win. - You said it! - Here's to dear old Darwin. 117 00:09:52,602 --> 00:09:54,560 Alright boys, let's go. 118 00:09:57,690 --> 00:09:59,897 Bye. - So long. 119 00:10:01,779 --> 00:10:02,809 Baravelli! 120 00:10:11,788 --> 00:10:12,819 Hello? 121 00:10:13,249 --> 00:10:17,245 Yes, lady, this is Baravelli, the ice man. What do you want? 122 00:10:17,669 --> 00:10:21,169 One quart of scotch, one quart of rye. 123 00:10:21,590 --> 00:10:24,341 Hold on, I see if I got 'em. 124 00:10:25,761 --> 00:10:28,133 One quart of scotch. 125 00:10:28,555 --> 00:10:30,346 One quart of rye. 126 00:10:30,766 --> 00:10:32,888 OK, lady, I send 'em right over. 127 00:10:43,945 --> 00:10:45,108 Hey, Baravelli! 128 00:10:51,579 --> 00:10:53,736 What do ya want? - Watch the door for a few minutes. 129 00:10:54,164 --> 00:10:56,655 And don't let anyone in without the password. 130 00:10:57,084 --> 00:10:59,621 What is it? - Swordfish is the password, right? 131 00:11:00,046 --> 00:11:02,619 OK, I got it. - Well, what is it? - Password. 132 00:11:03,049 --> 00:11:06,666 Swordfish! Swordfish. - Alright, swordfish! 133 00:11:12,015 --> 00:11:16,677 Who are you? - I'm fine. Who are you? - I'm fine, too. You need a password. 134 00:11:17,103 --> 00:11:20,189 Well, what is the password? - Oh no, you gotta tell me. 135 00:11:20,607 --> 00:11:23,443 I tell what I do, I give you three guesses. 136 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:28,234 It's the name of a fish. - Is it Mary? 137 00:11:28,656 --> 00:11:31,574 That's no fish! - She isn't? She drinks like one. 138 00:11:31,994 --> 00:11:34,319 Let me see. Is it sturgeon? 139 00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:38,080 You crazy! A sturgeon, he's a doctor, cuts you open when you sick. 140 00:11:38,501 --> 00:11:41,370 You got one more chance. - I got it. Haddock. 141 00:11:41,796 --> 00:11:47,631 Funny, I gotta haddock too. - What do you take? - Sometimes calomel... 142 00:11:48,052 --> 00:11:51,551 I'd walk a mile for a calomel. - You mean chocolate calomel. Me too. 143 00:11:51,971 --> 00:11:53,929 But you no guess it. 144 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:59,342 Hey, you no understand English? You only get in if you say swordfish. 145 00:11:59,772 --> 00:12:03,638 Now, I give you one more guess. - Swordfish... swordfish... 146 00:12:04,068 --> 00:12:08,018 I think I got it. Is it swordfish? - Ha! That's it! You guess it! 147 00:12:09,447 --> 00:12:12,615 Pretty good, eh? - Fine, you guess it... 148 00:12:14,661 --> 00:12:18,872 What do you want? - To come in. - Password? - You don't fool me! 149 00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:23,454 Swordfish. - No, I got tired of that. I changed it. 150 00:12:24,337 --> 00:12:28,632 What's the password now? - I forgot it. I better come outside. 151 00:12:41,646 --> 00:12:45,775 Buddy, can you help me out? I'd like to get a cup of coffee. 152 00:12:49,697 --> 00:12:51,772 Hey, here comes my partner. 153 00:12:53,451 --> 00:12:54,481 Hey, Pinky, 154 00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:56,902 do you know the password? 155 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,870 Get up. That's no way to go into a speakeasy. That's how you come out. 156 00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:50,414 Hey, what'll you have? 157 00:13:51,132 --> 00:13:53,374 He'll take a scotch. - Right. 158 00:13:53,803 --> 00:13:57,587 I got it! Swordfish. - Go outside and see if it works. 159 00:14:27,044 --> 00:14:28,669 Cut the cards. 160 00:14:33,843 --> 00:14:38,219 Now, to business. I'm looking for two football players who hang around here. 161 00:14:38,639 --> 00:14:41,211 We hang around here... - That's all I wanna know. 162 00:14:41,642 --> 00:14:44,761 Prof. Wagstaff from Huxley College. - That means nothing to me. 163 00:14:45,187 --> 00:14:47,856 Means nothing to me, either. I'll try it over again. 164 00:14:48,274 --> 00:14:50,350 I'm Prof. Huxley from Wagstaff College. 165 00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:52,816 You didn't stay at the other one long. 166 00:14:53,237 --> 00:14:57,815 Why don't you pull yourself to pieces? - I'll talk it over with my partner. 167 00:15:44,622 --> 00:15:48,666 In case I never see you again, what would you want to play football? 168 00:15:49,084 --> 00:15:52,204 First we want a football. - I don't know if we've got one. 169 00:15:52,629 --> 00:15:56,211 If we had, would you be interested? No rush, you can sleep on it. 170 00:15:56,633 --> 00:16:01,591 I no think I can sleep on a football. - Who's gonna settle for these drinks? 171 00:16:02,723 --> 00:16:08,143 You're stuck. - Can you cash a check for $15.22? - Sure. 172 00:16:14,985 --> 00:16:18,270 Five, ten, fifteen and twenty-two. 173 00:16:18,696 --> 00:16:24,071 As soon as I get the check, I'll send it to ya. Swordfish! 174 00:16:29,916 --> 00:16:31,910 Laura! - Good morning, Mr. Wagstaff. 175 00:16:32,335 --> 00:16:35,834 Am I too early? - No, shall I tell Miss Bailey you're here? - No, I will. 176 00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:40,005 Give me the tray. Would you open the door? 177 00:16:46,975 --> 00:16:48,718 Your breakfast, Madam. Anything else? 178 00:16:49,144 --> 00:16:53,094 Yes, put some cream in my coffee, and tell me where you've been. 179 00:16:53,524 --> 00:16:57,852 Busy arguing with Dad about you. How many? - Two. 180 00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:01,777 Well, what about me? - Dad wants me to give you up. 181 00:17:02,198 --> 00:17:04,405 You're interfering with my studies. 182 00:17:05,536 --> 00:17:09,581 He must think I'm terrible. - I think you're wonderful. Beautiful. 183 00:17:09,998 --> 00:17:13,035 Are you making love to me? - Why not? 184 00:17:13,461 --> 00:17:19,878 "Everyone says I love you, the cop on the corner and the burglar, too, 185 00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:26,136 the preacher in the pulpit and the man in the pew, says I love you. 186 00:17:28,141 --> 00:17:34,856 Everyone, no matter who, the folks over 80 and the kid of 2, 187 00:17:35,274 --> 00:17:41,276 the captain and the sailor and the rest of the crew, says I love you. 188 00:17:43,074 --> 00:17:47,236 There are only 8 little letters in this phrase, 189 00:17:47,995 --> 00:17:50,200 you will find, 190 00:17:50,622 --> 00:17:57,705 but they mean a lot more than all the other words combined. 191 00:17:58,129 --> 00:18:05,426 Everywhere the whole world through, the king and the peasant, too, 192 00:18:05,846 --> 00:18:11,848 The tiger in the jungle and the monk in the zoo, says I love you." 193 00:19:15,623 --> 00:19:20,582 Get that crate out of here! You think this is a picnic? 194 00:19:21,004 --> 00:19:25,631 Blocking traffic, holding up cars... Who do you think you are? 195 00:19:31,307 --> 00:19:33,548 You know what I'm going to do to you? 196 00:19:33,976 --> 00:19:38,104 You're a wise guy, ain't you? Let go of that club! 197 00:19:38,521 --> 00:19:40,764 You see that badge? 198 00:20:30,282 --> 00:20:32,855 And I say to you, gentlemen, that this college is a failure. 199 00:20:33,284 --> 00:20:38,575 Trouble is we're neglecting football for education. - You are right. 200 00:20:38,998 --> 00:20:42,165 No, I'm wrong. I was just testing you. 201 00:20:42,585 --> 00:20:45,586 Now I know I'm dealing with a couple of snakes. 202 00:20:46,005 --> 00:20:50,384 There's too much football, and not enough education. - I think so, too. 203 00:20:50,803 --> 00:20:54,800 Wrong again! If there was a snake here I'd apologize. 204 00:20:55,224 --> 00:20:57,181 Where would the college be without football? 205 00:20:57,601 --> 00:21:00,222 Have we got a stadium? - Yes. - And a college? - Yes. 206 00:21:00,645 --> 00:21:04,229 Well, we can't support both. Start tearing down the college. 207 00:21:04,650 --> 00:21:07,983 But where will the students sleep? - Same as always. In the classroom. 208 00:21:08,403 --> 00:21:11,607 Professor, the Dean of Science wants to know when he'll see you. 209 00:21:12,032 --> 00:21:14,405 He said he's tired of cooling his heels out here. 210 00:21:15,035 --> 00:21:18,036 Tell him I'm cooling a couple of heels in here. 211 00:21:18,456 --> 00:21:21,076 Now, where were we? Oh yes. 212 00:21:22,877 --> 00:21:26,709 How much am I paying you fellas? - 5,000. But we haven't been paid. 213 00:21:27,131 --> 00:21:32,337 In that case, I'll raise it to 8,000. And a bonus, for you and your dog. 214 00:21:33,511 --> 00:21:36,003 The Dean's furious. He's waxing wroth! 215 00:21:36,432 --> 00:21:39,634 Is Wroth there, too? Tell him to wax the Dean for a while. 216 00:21:40,061 --> 00:21:43,180 Guess that's bad, eh? - One more thing, Professor. 217 00:21:43,605 --> 00:21:45,229 It's about your son. 218 00:21:46,024 --> 00:21:49,440 I'm afraid he's paying too little attention to his studies, 219 00:21:49,861 --> 00:21:52,353 and too much to Connie Bailey. 220 00:21:52,781 --> 00:21:55,403 I'll put a stop to that. I'll call her up right now. 221 00:21:55,909 --> 00:22:00,536 Either of you weasels got her number? - No. - Good thing I have. 222 00:22:03,166 --> 00:22:06,370 Get me Maine 4-9970 and reverse the charges. 223 00:22:06,795 --> 00:22:10,924 You may go now. Drop this in the mailbox on your way out. 224 00:22:11,967 --> 00:22:16,213 Hello, I want to speak to Miss Bailey. Is this Miss Bailey? 225 00:22:16,639 --> 00:22:19,971 Why, of course I know your son. 226 00:22:21,684 --> 00:22:25,848 Why, that's silly. We're just very good friends. 227 00:22:27,232 --> 00:22:29,521 Professor, I don't understand. 228 00:22:29,944 --> 00:22:32,564 You don't? Come over to my office. 229 00:22:32,988 --> 00:22:36,403 You're in bed? In that case, I'll come to your office. 230 00:22:52,465 --> 00:22:56,926 Where are your tongs? Looks like a tong war. 231 00:22:58,471 --> 00:23:01,009 No more ice until you pay the bill. 232 00:23:01,434 --> 00:23:04,766 How much do we owe you? - $2,000. - Just for ice? 233 00:23:05,186 --> 00:23:08,022 I can get an Eskimo for $200 and make my own ice. 234 00:23:18,783 --> 00:23:23,493 I tell you what: You owe us 200. We take 2,000 and call it square. 235 00:23:23,914 --> 00:23:28,956 I'll consult my lawyer. If he tells me to do it, I'll get a new lawyer. 236 00:23:29,378 --> 00:23:33,624 Forget about the money. Go to college, and get yourself a co-ed. 237 00:23:34,050 --> 00:23:37,999 I gotta co-ed last week for $18, a co-ed with two pairs of pants. 238 00:23:38,429 --> 00:23:42,295 Since when has a co-ed two pairs of pants? - Since I joined college. 239 00:23:42,724 --> 00:23:46,390 Baravelli, you've got the brain of a 4-year-old boy. 240 00:23:46,812 --> 00:23:49,932 Now that you're a college boy, here's your hat, 241 00:23:50,356 --> 00:23:52,979 your pennant, your coat. 242 00:23:58,948 --> 00:24:02,733 Report for football practice in the morning. Now, sign this agreement. 243 00:24:03,161 --> 00:24:07,289 There's nothing on this paper. - We'll fill in something later. 244 00:24:08,333 --> 00:24:12,912 Here, put your name on there. Gee, I didn't know you could write. 245 00:24:13,339 --> 00:24:16,209 Wait a minute, this isn't legal. There's no seal on it. 246 00:24:16,633 --> 00:24:20,215 Where's the seal? - Where's the seal? 247 00:24:28,062 --> 00:24:31,181 And thus we see that the function of the respiratory system 248 00:24:31,607 --> 00:24:34,727 is to transmit oxygen into the bloodstream, 249 00:24:35,151 --> 00:24:37,310 which is called osmosis... 250 00:24:38,364 --> 00:24:40,486 Have they started sawing a woman in half yet? 251 00:24:40,907 --> 00:24:44,074 Mr President, what a pleasure! What brings you here? 252 00:24:44,494 --> 00:24:48,990 A bicycle, but I left it in the hall. I brought you two dunces. 253 00:24:49,417 --> 00:24:52,334 Come in, dunces. Here they are, 10 cents a dunce. 254 00:24:56,256 --> 00:24:58,794 Well, all you need now is a bowl of cherries. 255 00:24:59,218 --> 00:25:02,052 Find yourselves a couple of seats. 256 00:25:10,688 --> 00:25:13,012 Now, let us go on with our lecture. 257 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,932 I wish you'd go on without your lecture. 258 00:25:16,860 --> 00:25:22,234 What do you think of that slide? - I think he was safe at second. 259 00:25:22,783 --> 00:25:24,408 Now, the circulatory system! 260 00:25:24,951 --> 00:25:27,241 Here is the liver. 261 00:25:27,663 --> 00:25:30,783 What, no bacon? I'd send that back if I were you. 262 00:25:31,207 --> 00:25:34,576 The liver, if neglected, invariably leads to cirrhosis 263 00:25:35,004 --> 00:25:37,839 You are all familiar with the symptoms of cirrhosis. 264 00:25:38,256 --> 00:25:40,748 Sure! So roses are red, so violets are blue, 265 00:25:41,176 --> 00:25:43,216 so sugar is sweet, so so are you. 266 00:25:44,096 --> 00:25:46,088 I bet I know who it is. 267 00:25:46,515 --> 00:25:49,385 To protect the heart, or cardium, 268 00:25:49,810 --> 00:25:53,558 Mother Nature has provided a sac, called the pericardium. 269 00:25:53,981 --> 00:25:55,144 Any questions? 270 00:25:55,190 --> 00:25:58,026 Yes. When you gonna cut the watermelon open? 271 00:25:59,445 --> 00:26:03,941 Psychopathically, the duodenum is in inverse ratio 272 00:26:04,365 --> 00:26:06,858 to the coordination of the palyphus. 273 00:26:07,286 --> 00:26:11,994 Is this stuff on the level, or are you just making it up as you go along? 274 00:26:12,415 --> 00:26:15,750 Why, everything I told you can be found in the simplest anatomy book. 275 00:26:16,170 --> 00:26:19,752 I'm sure my students will bear me out. - We'll bear you out. 276 00:26:25,763 --> 00:26:27,839 Let that be a lesson to all of you. 277 00:26:28,264 --> 00:26:30,756 This school will be here long after you're gone. 278 00:26:31,184 --> 00:26:33,094 That goes for you, too. 279 00:26:44,239 --> 00:26:46,564 Leave me alone! 280 00:26:50,411 --> 00:26:53,911 Let us follow a corpuscle on its journey. 281 00:26:54,415 --> 00:26:57,203 Oh, my mistake, I thought I was a corpuscle. 282 00:26:57,628 --> 00:27:00,830 There is constant warfare between the red and white corpuscles. 283 00:27:01,257 --> 00:27:04,708 Now, baboons, what is a corpuscle? - That's easy. 284 00:27:05,260 --> 00:27:08,759 There's a captain, then a lieutenant, then there's a corpuscle. 285 00:27:09,390 --> 00:27:14,347 That's fine. Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out. 286 00:27:15,604 --> 00:27:20,811 We now find ourselves among the Alps, simple people who eat rice and shoes. 287 00:27:21,234 --> 00:27:25,280 Beyond are more Alps, and the Lord Alps those who Alp themselves. 288 00:27:25,697 --> 00:27:29,031 The blood rushes from the head to the feet, gets a look at those feet, 289 00:27:29,452 --> 00:27:31,575 and rushes back to the head again. 290 00:27:31,996 --> 00:27:34,746 This is known as auction pinochle. 291 00:27:35,374 --> 00:27:39,453 We first listen to your hearts beat, and if your hearts beat anything 292 00:27:39,879 --> 00:27:43,045 but diamonds and clubs, your partner is cheating. Or your wife. 293 00:27:43,966 --> 00:27:46,337 Now take this point, for instance... 294 00:27:48,179 --> 00:27:50,504 That reminds me. Where's my son? 295 00:27:50,930 --> 00:27:54,549 Well, the human body takes many strange forms. 296 00:27:54,977 --> 00:27:56,851 Now, here is a most unusual organ. 297 00:27:57,271 --> 00:28:00,521 The organ will play a solo immediately after the feature picture. 298 00:28:01,692 --> 00:28:05,107 Scientists examine rats, or your landlord who won't cut the rent. 299 00:28:05,528 --> 00:28:07,439 And what do they find? Asparagus. 300 00:28:07,948 --> 00:28:10,070 Now, on closer examination... 301 00:28:11,326 --> 00:28:13,568 This needs closer examination. 302 00:28:13,996 --> 00:28:15,740 In fact, it needs a nightgown. 303 00:28:16,164 --> 00:28:18,702 Baravelli, who did this? Is this your picture? 304 00:28:19,334 --> 00:28:21,540 It doesn't look like me. - Well, take it away 305 00:28:21,961 --> 00:28:26,007 and hang it in my bedroom. Now, who did it? 306 00:28:27,343 --> 00:28:29,299 So you're the culprit. 307 00:28:29,719 --> 00:28:32,923 Young man, you can't burn the candle at both ends. 308 00:28:36,309 --> 00:28:39,476 Well, I was wrong. I thought it was a candle. 309 00:28:39,896 --> 00:28:42,813 Well, you must be punished. You stay after school. 310 00:28:43,234 --> 00:28:45,059 But I didn't do anything. 311 00:28:45,486 --> 00:28:49,150 I know, but there's no fun keeping him after school. 312 00:28:49,698 --> 00:28:51,775 Now, we'll have no more interruptions. 313 00:28:52,535 --> 00:28:56,911 According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of 314 00:28:57,331 --> 00:28:58,326 phagocytes... 315 00:29:03,962 --> 00:29:07,046 According to von Steinmetz, the eminent physiologist, a group of 316 00:29:07,466 --> 00:29:08,497 er, phagocytes... 317 00:29:13,555 --> 00:29:15,347 According to von... 318 00:29:15,850 --> 00:29:17,426 According to von Steinmetz... 319 00:29:21,896 --> 00:29:25,728 According to von Steinmetz, a group of white phagocytes is present. 320 00:29:27,652 --> 00:29:33,026 And they are essential to prolonging life. 321 00:29:34,951 --> 00:29:37,953 My left wing has been turned, my rear end has been cut off. 322 00:29:38,371 --> 00:29:43,080 But I'll fight it out on these lines... They got me! 323 00:29:51,469 --> 00:29:52,583 Hello. 324 00:29:53,012 --> 00:29:55,134 Oh, it's you, Frank. 325 00:29:56,848 --> 00:29:59,765 Why, of course, I'd love to have you come over. 326 00:30:00,185 --> 00:30:02,890 Alright, I'll be expecting you then. 327 00:30:03,313 --> 00:30:05,352 Goodbye, darling. 328 00:30:05,775 --> 00:30:09,986 Who are you calling "darling"? - Frank Wagstaff, the professor's son. 329 00:30:10,403 --> 00:30:14,698 I didn't tell you to fall for him, just to find out about his team. 330 00:30:15,116 --> 00:30:17,192 He says Huxley will win. 331 00:30:17,620 --> 00:30:21,782 I've got my bankroll bet on Darwin, and I'm taking no chances. 332 00:30:22,208 --> 00:30:24,532 Before the game starts I'll have the Huxley signals. 333 00:30:24,959 --> 00:30:27,877 Down the hatch and on my way. 334 00:30:32,468 --> 00:30:33,298 See you later. 335 00:30:34,928 --> 00:30:36,422 Bye, dear. 336 00:30:52,446 --> 00:30:56,029 Are you still here. - I just came in. 337 00:30:57,617 --> 00:31:02,031 What do you mean, am I still here? - I mean, are you hear already? 338 00:31:02,456 --> 00:31:06,454 I shouldn't be here. The old man gave me a terrible bawling out. 339 00:31:06,877 --> 00:31:10,875 Don't worry about him, he'll never know you were here. 340 00:31:11,298 --> 00:31:15,166 How about a little drink? - Alright, I'll get you one. - Please! 341 00:31:31,068 --> 00:31:32,526 Are you Miss Bailey? 342 00:31:32,945 --> 00:31:36,527 Come, come, one of us is! - I'm Miss Bailey, and who are you? 343 00:31:36,948 --> 00:31:39,820 I'm Prof. Wagstoff. Who are you? - Miss Bailey! 344 00:31:40,244 --> 00:31:43,493 Then you are Miss Bailey. Thought you could fool me. 345 00:31:43,914 --> 00:31:45,953 You've got to give my son up. - Give him up? 346 00:31:46,374 --> 00:31:50,871 He's all I've got, apart from a picture of George Washington. 347 00:31:51,296 --> 00:31:55,923 But... - Lies! He's a shell of his former self, which nobody can deny. 348 00:31:56,343 --> 00:31:58,669 I tell you you're ruining him. 349 00:31:59,513 --> 00:32:02,964 Did he tell you that you have beautiful eyes? - Why, yes. 350 00:32:03,392 --> 00:32:05,551 Told me that, too. Tells everyone! 351 00:32:05,978 --> 00:32:10,022 I could sit on your lap all day if you didn't stand up. 352 00:32:10,649 --> 00:32:13,520 Quick, get out! That door. 353 00:32:21,493 --> 00:32:23,781 I don't want any ice. 354 00:32:36,633 --> 00:32:41,093 Who was that? - The ice man. - You can't pull the wool over my ice. 355 00:32:42,138 --> 00:32:44,012 The ice man leaves me cold. 356 00:32:44,766 --> 00:32:46,758 Here you are... - So, I caught you at last. 357 00:32:47,186 --> 00:32:50,637 You are fooling around with her. Oh, the shame of it. 358 00:32:51,065 --> 00:32:55,145 A son taking a dame from his father. - Dad... - Enough, get out of here! 359 00:32:55,569 --> 00:33:00,396 I'll settle with this woman, then we'll have you to dinner. Let's go. 360 00:33:00,824 --> 00:33:02,199 Follow me. 361 00:33:08,456 --> 00:33:11,328 Be a lamp in the window for my wandering boy. 362 00:33:13,336 --> 00:33:15,376 Where were we? Oh yes, I was on your lap. 363 00:33:15,797 --> 00:33:18,467 And doing pretty well, as I recall it. 364 00:33:20,511 --> 00:33:23,180 Hurry, get out! Hurry! 365 00:33:23,805 --> 00:33:28,053 And remember, stay undercover. - I've more students in the college. 366 00:33:31,646 --> 00:33:32,845 You dropped your ice. 367 00:33:33,274 --> 00:33:36,357 I don't want any ice! - Neither do I. 368 00:33:41,281 --> 00:33:43,357 Now do you want any ice? - No! 369 00:33:43,784 --> 00:33:45,907 Oh, you're beautiful. 370 00:33:49,206 --> 00:33:53,452 You're overcoming me. - Thanks for reminding me. 371 00:33:53,878 --> 00:33:56,748 I like you. You got something. 372 00:33:57,172 --> 00:33:59,460 I'm gonna tell him he's crazy. 373 00:34:08,099 --> 00:34:10,175 Professor, what are you doing here? 374 00:34:10,603 --> 00:34:12,809 Nothing, since you came in. 375 00:34:13,230 --> 00:34:16,764 You know him? - He put me on the football team. 376 00:34:17,193 --> 00:34:20,229 Now I just have to get him off the couch. 377 00:34:20,780 --> 00:34:22,856 Read any good books lately? 378 00:34:35,669 --> 00:34:38,207 This must be the main highway. 379 00:34:40,341 --> 00:34:43,959 Follow me, I've been doing this all day. 380 00:34:48,598 --> 00:34:52,347 Pretty popular place. - Yeah, a hot dog stand would clean up. 381 00:34:52,769 --> 00:34:56,684 What are you doing here? - Me? I'm the music teacher. 382 00:34:57,107 --> 00:34:59,432 Since when? - Since you came in. 383 00:34:59,860 --> 00:35:03,727 And you? - I'm the plumber. In case something goes wrong with her pipes. 384 00:35:04,155 --> 00:35:06,065 I haven't used that joke for 20 years. 385 00:35:06,491 --> 00:35:09,160 Take a deep breath and follow me. 386 00:35:21,298 --> 00:35:24,134 Cosy place we have here. 387 00:35:33,227 --> 00:35:35,799 You sing high, eh? - I have a falsetto voice. 388 00:35:36,229 --> 00:35:38,767 My last pupil, she gotta false set of teeth. 389 00:35:39,190 --> 00:35:41,313 So maybe it's better you don't sing. 390 00:35:41,734 --> 00:35:44,404 That's much better. I'll sing. 391 00:35:44,821 --> 00:35:47,027 "Everyone says I love you, 392 00:35:47,449 --> 00:35:49,774 the big mosquito when he sting you, 393 00:35:50,201 --> 00:35:54,496 the fly when he's stuck on the fly paper, too, says I love you. 394 00:35:55,874 --> 00:36:00,335 Every time the cow says "moo", she's making the bull very happy too, 395 00:36:00,755 --> 00:36:05,961 and the rooster when he holler cock-a-doodly-doo, says I love you. 396 00:36:06,718 --> 00:36:11,630 Christopher Columbo, he write the Queen of Spain a nice little note, 397 00:36:12,056 --> 00:36:17,596 he say how I love you, then he get a great big boat. He's a wise guy. 398 00:36:18,022 --> 00:36:23,063 What you think Columbo do, when he's coming here in 1492, 399 00:36:23,485 --> 00:36:29,072 He says to Pocahontas, atch-a catchy coo, which means I love you!" 400 00:36:29,992 --> 00:36:33,360 Maybe it's better I don't sing, too. - Yes. - Alright, I'll play. 401 00:36:34,954 --> 00:36:40,115 I love good music. - So do I, let's get out of here. - Sit down. 402 00:36:40,752 --> 00:36:46,173 I've got to stay here. But you folks can go into the lobby till it's over. 403 00:37:55,619 --> 00:37:59,569 Well, that's all for the first lesson. Next week I teach you how to breathe. 404 00:37:59,998 --> 00:38:01,990 Don't breathe before then. 405 00:38:03,126 --> 00:38:05,617 If this is a singing lesson, I'm a ring-tailed monkey. 406 00:38:06,047 --> 00:38:08,833 Keep your family out of it. Baravelli! - What? 407 00:38:09,257 --> 00:38:11,630 Are you going my way? - Yes. - Then I'm staying here. 408 00:38:12,051 --> 00:38:17,508 No you don't. And if I find you here again, it'll be curtains. 409 00:38:19,726 --> 00:38:21,718 Tell my son to take that lamp down. 410 00:38:32,155 --> 00:38:33,151 Dad! 411 00:38:33,574 --> 00:38:35,731 You've got the wrong football players. - The whole team? 412 00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:39,195 No, Baravelli and the dog catcher. 413 00:38:39,621 --> 00:38:42,742 But I got them in the speakeasy. - You got the wrong ones. 414 00:38:43,166 --> 00:38:46,999 The ones I told you about are playing for Darwin. - Send for Baravelli. 415 00:38:47,420 --> 00:38:50,921 Don't leave a stone unturned. He's probably under one. 416 00:38:56,221 --> 00:38:57,549 Baravelli! 417 00:39:00,475 --> 00:39:03,845 ...2671, 57, 84, 59, 71... 418 00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:09,806 What are you doing in there? - I'm practising secret signals. 419 00:39:11,861 --> 00:39:13,142 Come on out. 420 00:39:13,571 --> 00:39:16,775 What do you want? - You can fix it for our team to win. - Oh no, 421 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:22,241 I want to play. - Alright, but listen. I want two Darwin players kidnapped. 422 00:39:22,665 --> 00:39:26,911 Have you any experience in kidnapping? - You bet. You know what I do? 423 00:39:27,336 --> 00:39:30,171 First I call them up, then I send them my chauffeur. 424 00:39:30,588 --> 00:39:32,664 What kind of a car you got? 425 00:39:33,092 --> 00:39:35,498 I no got a car, just a chauffeur. 426 00:39:35,927 --> 00:39:39,130 But when you have a chauffeur, aren't you supposed to have a car? 427 00:39:39,556 --> 00:39:44,431 Well, I had, but it cost too much, so I sold the car. 428 00:39:44,853 --> 00:39:47,723 I would have kept the car. 429 00:39:48,149 --> 00:39:51,813 I gotta have a chauffeur to take me to work in the morning. 430 00:39:52,236 --> 00:39:54,193 How can he take you to work? 431 00:39:54,612 --> 00:39:56,819 He don't have to. I no gotta job. 432 00:39:57,240 --> 00:40:02,531 That's it. How much would you want to stand in front of a firing squad? 433 00:40:04,122 --> 00:40:09,366 Now just a minute, boys. I didn't come here to fight. 434 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:13,253 You have to, I've taken my coat off. - I wanna talk to Baravelli. 435 00:40:13,674 --> 00:40:15,085 You wouldn't mind stepping out? 436 00:40:16,009 --> 00:40:18,251 I'd love to, but I have to see the girl first. 437 00:40:18,678 --> 00:40:22,807 I've got a proposition. - Watch out, he's nearly as crooked as you. 438 00:40:23,684 --> 00:40:25,344 Let's go in here. 439 00:40:30,483 --> 00:40:33,187 I want you to do something for me. - I'm busy. 440 00:40:33,611 --> 00:40:37,144 We gotta kidnap a couple of players from the Darwin team. 441 00:40:37,573 --> 00:40:40,656 Is that so? You don't mean McHardie and Mullen? 442 00:40:41,075 --> 00:40:44,659 Sounds like it. But the fellas I mean are Mullen and McHardie. 443 00:40:45,081 --> 00:40:49,789 Let me give you a tip. The boys live at 39 Hanley Street. 444 00:40:50,211 --> 00:40:53,329 Thanks! - Now, I want you to do something for me. 445 00:40:53,756 --> 00:40:56,044 What do you want? - Listen, 446 00:40:56,467 --> 00:41:00,214 give me the signals, and this 500 bucks is yours. 447 00:41:00,638 --> 00:41:01,669 Alright. 448 00:41:02,681 --> 00:41:04,674 Here's the signals. 449 00:41:06,559 --> 00:41:09,264 Want a minute, these are Darwin's signals. 450 00:41:09,687 --> 00:41:12,262 You think I'd give you 500 dollars for Darwin's signals? 451 00:41:12,691 --> 00:41:16,274 They cost me 200. I gotta make a little profit. 452 00:44:43,778 --> 00:44:46,564 Listen, you gotta get busy and get those football signals. 453 00:44:46,989 --> 00:44:51,983 I thought you were going to get them. - I wouldn't be asking you then. 454 00:44:52,410 --> 00:44:56,739 You just have to get to the professor. He's got the Huxley signals. 455 00:44:57,166 --> 00:45:00,082 And I'm depending on you to get them. 456 00:45:00,503 --> 00:45:04,085 Yes, but how? - You know how. 457 00:45:04,507 --> 00:45:07,044 Romance him, baby, romance him. 458 00:45:07,467 --> 00:45:12,010 And remember, all you're to get is the football signals. 459 00:45:27,904 --> 00:45:31,238 "Everyone says I love you, 460 00:45:31,659 --> 00:45:35,443 but just what they say it for, I never knew, 461 00:45:35,871 --> 00:45:42,537 it's just inviting trouble for the poor sucker who says I love you. 462 00:45:44,879 --> 00:45:48,544 Take a pair of rabbits who 463 00:45:48,968 --> 00:45:52,881 get stuck on each other and begin to woo, 464 00:45:53,304 --> 00:46:00,849 and pretty soon you find a million more rabbits who say I love you. 465 00:46:02,230 --> 00:46:10,523 When a lion gets feeling frisky and begins to roar, 466 00:46:10,947 --> 00:46:19,074 there's another lion who knows just what he's roaring for. 467 00:46:19,497 --> 00:46:27,457 Everything that ever grew, the goose and the gander and the gosling too, 468 00:46:27,882 --> 00:46:32,958 the duck upon the water, when he feels that way too, says..." 469 00:46:34,637 --> 00:46:37,308 That's a wise quack. You keep your bill out of this. 470 00:46:37,724 --> 00:46:40,808 How would you like it if I butted into your affairs? 471 00:46:47,567 --> 00:46:50,901 This is my first time in a canoe since I saw "The American Tragedy." 472 00:46:51,321 --> 00:46:54,191 You're perfectly safe, Professor, in this boat. 473 00:46:54,617 --> 00:46:57,866 I was going to get a flat bottom, but the boat girl didn't have one. 474 00:46:58,453 --> 00:47:03,875 I could go on like this drifting and dreaming for ever. 475 00:47:04,292 --> 00:47:06,534 What a day. Spring in the air! 476 00:47:06,961 --> 00:47:09,797 Who, me? And fall in the lake? 477 00:47:10,216 --> 00:47:12,503 Professor, you're full of whimsy. 478 00:47:12,927 --> 00:47:17,671 Can you tell from there? I'm always like that after radishes. 479 00:47:22,186 --> 00:47:25,471 Is that important? - Is it important? 480 00:47:26,189 --> 00:47:28,146 Those are the football signals. 481 00:47:28,858 --> 00:47:31,147 I've got a duplicate in my pocket. 482 00:47:31,570 --> 00:47:35,567 I always carry two of everything. This is my first date with one woman. 483 00:47:35,990 --> 00:47:38,826 You mean you take two girls out every time? 484 00:47:39,244 --> 00:47:42,577 I hate to see a girl walk home alone. 485 00:47:42,998 --> 00:47:46,664 You know, Professor, I've never seen football signals. 486 00:47:47,085 --> 00:47:50,621 You think a little girl like me could understand them? 487 00:47:51,047 --> 00:47:53,716 I think you could understand anything. 488 00:47:54,135 --> 00:47:57,089 Is the big stwong man gonna show liddle icky baby 489 00:47:57,512 --> 00:48:00,383 all about the bad football signals? 490 00:48:01,434 --> 00:48:05,430 Was that you or the duck? If it was you, I'm with the duck. 491 00:48:05,854 --> 00:48:08,642 If icky baby don't learn about the football signals, 492 00:48:09,066 --> 00:48:11,188 icky baby gonna cry. 493 00:48:11,609 --> 00:48:13,353 If icky girl keep talking that way, 494 00:48:13,779 --> 00:48:18,026 big stwong man gonna kick all her teef in. 495 00:48:18,451 --> 00:48:20,527 Naughty man is only fooling! 496 00:48:20,952 --> 00:48:23,491 Just for that I'm coming over 497 00:48:23,913 --> 00:48:28,207 to smother him in kisses. - You couldn't make that onions? 498 00:48:30,921 --> 00:48:33,755 Oh, so that's your game. 499 00:48:36,135 --> 00:48:39,135 Professor Wagstaff! 500 00:48:39,554 --> 00:48:43,173 Just call me Quincy. And later you can call me Quince. 501 00:48:43,601 --> 00:48:46,601 Throw me the lifesaver! 502 00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,142 Please hurry, Professor. 503 00:48:58,364 --> 00:49:00,322 39. This is it! 504 00:49:07,583 --> 00:49:10,618 Hello. Yeah, this is McHardie. 505 00:49:12,420 --> 00:49:14,330 So they're coming right over? 506 00:49:14,757 --> 00:49:17,163 OK, we'll take care of them. 507 00:49:17,927 --> 00:49:22,339 Jennings says Baravelli and the dog catcher are coming to kidnap us 508 00:49:22,765 --> 00:49:25,220 to keep us out of the game. 509 00:49:29,729 --> 00:49:32,767 This is the place. Now how we gonna catch 'em? 510 00:49:33,399 --> 00:49:36,318 No, that's for flies. Baseball players catch flies. 511 00:49:36,737 --> 00:49:39,523 We look for football players. You bring the tools? 512 00:49:39,949 --> 00:49:43,862 You got the shovel, the axe and the pick? Where's the pick? 513 00:49:44,495 --> 00:49:47,115 No, that's no pick. That's a hog. 514 00:49:47,539 --> 00:49:49,780 Don't you know what a hog is? 515 00:49:50,209 --> 00:49:53,956 Oh, come on, let's get busy. We gotta kidnap those players. 516 00:49:57,174 --> 00:49:58,799 Mullen und McHardie? 517 00:49:59,218 --> 00:50:02,467 That's us. What can we do for you? - You got a brother? 518 00:50:02,888 --> 00:50:05,461 No. - You got a sister? - Yeah. 519 00:50:05,891 --> 00:50:08,428 She's a very sick man. You better come with us. 520 00:50:09,019 --> 00:50:11,177 What happened to her? 521 00:50:11,605 --> 00:50:13,349 She crash her automobile. 522 00:50:13,774 --> 00:50:17,985 She has no automobile. - Then she fell off a horse. We drive you there. 523 00:50:18,404 --> 00:50:21,439 You will? I have no sister. 524 00:50:21,865 --> 00:50:25,151 That's alright. We gotta no car. Come on. 525 00:50:25,577 --> 00:50:28,365 You think you're gonna take us for a ride? 526 00:50:28,789 --> 00:50:31,742 This is gonna take a long time. 527 00:50:33,835 --> 00:50:35,911 Try one at a time. 528 00:50:41,969 --> 00:50:43,878 Odin't work, eh? 529 00:50:44,930 --> 00:50:46,589 Get tough. 530 00:50:48,601 --> 00:50:50,639 Get tough with the other one. 531 00:50:52,604 --> 00:50:54,514 Get tough with both of them. 532 00:50:54,982 --> 00:50:56,523 Tougher! 533 00:51:08,787 --> 00:51:11,658 Now you're getting someplace. 534 00:51:17,045 --> 00:51:19,418 You better think of something else. 535 00:51:23,885 --> 00:51:26,554 I'm exhausted, too. 536 00:51:27,555 --> 00:51:30,557 Maybe you fellas got an idea? - I'll say we do. 537 00:51:31,018 --> 00:51:33,094 Where's that rope, Ed? 538 00:51:33,979 --> 00:51:35,011 Get 'em, Ed! 539 00:51:46,366 --> 00:51:49,534 Hey guys, we'll let you know how the game comes out. 540 00:51:51,330 --> 00:51:53,453 Now they've kidnapped us! 541 00:51:53,874 --> 00:51:56,993 That's a fix-a fine we're in. How we gonna get out? 542 00:51:57,420 --> 00:51:59,791 I got an idea. You got a rope? 543 00:52:01,757 --> 00:52:05,091 That's fine. Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. 544 00:52:05,510 --> 00:52:08,465 Tie on the bed, throw the rope out the window. 545 00:52:10,975 --> 00:52:12,385 Hey! 546 00:52:13,269 --> 00:52:16,519 What you do? You no tie on the bed. 547 00:52:16,938 --> 00:52:19,181 No, I mean a-tie the rope. 548 00:52:19,607 --> 00:52:21,683 Now what you gonna do? 549 00:52:26,073 --> 00:52:29,655 You crazy! That's a-no good. How we gonna get out? 550 00:52:31,703 --> 00:52:34,028 You wanna break-a my neck? 551 00:52:36,332 --> 00:52:40,201 Don't worry, Mr. Jennings, everything's working out fine. 552 00:52:40,628 --> 00:52:45,042 Alright. That game's in the bag. See ya later. 553 00:52:47,260 --> 00:52:50,879 Wonder what the two mugs are doing up there? 554 00:53:25,256 --> 00:53:29,966 Our little playmates, just in time for a cup of tea. 555 00:53:30,388 --> 00:53:35,512 We got no cups. See ya after the game. Come on, Pinky. - No yuh don't! 556 00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:42,431 Take off your coat. Come on. Off with your shirt. 557 00:53:42,858 --> 00:53:44,732 Quit stallin'. 558 00:53:45,193 --> 00:53:48,147 Now take off your pants. - I got a date, nothing doing. 559 00:54:06,464 --> 00:54:07,709 You too! 560 00:54:08,300 --> 00:54:10,756 Take that coat off. 561 00:54:12,638 --> 00:54:16,635 Stand over there, you. Come on, Ed, let's take their clothes. 562 00:54:22,730 --> 00:54:23,562 So, 563 00:54:23,983 --> 00:54:27,315 if you boys'll excuse us, we'll run along and play football. 564 00:54:27,737 --> 00:54:31,733 Tune in on the radio if you want to know how the game's going. 565 00:54:34,284 --> 00:54:37,487 I'll send my sister over to keep you company. 566 00:54:42,500 --> 00:54:44,790 Gee, I guess it's locked. 567 00:55:06,483 --> 00:55:08,060 Boy, what a pretty play. 568 00:55:08,485 --> 00:55:12,318 Darwin's just got a fourth touchdown and the crowd is going wild. 569 00:55:12,739 --> 00:55:15,741 There seems to be no stopping Mullen and McHardie. 570 00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:18,153 Two minutes left to play in the first quarter, 571 00:55:18,578 --> 00:55:22,078 and what a lacing the Huxley team is getting. 572 00:55:28,089 --> 00:55:30,460 HcHardie has the ball and he's breaking through. 573 00:55:40,934 --> 00:55:43,259 I guess we made a grand slam. 574 00:56:19,514 --> 00:56:21,222 Pinky, hurry up. 575 00:56:21,641 --> 00:56:24,928 Come on, we still got time to play. 576 00:56:29,525 --> 00:56:33,356 Fine kidnappers you are. The fellas you kidnapped were here before you. 577 00:56:33,779 --> 00:56:36,815 Look: 12 to nothing. Fat lot you care. 578 00:56:37,240 --> 00:56:41,404 Know what it means if Huxley loses? Shame, disgrace, humiliation! 579 00:56:41,828 --> 00:56:45,162 And you're crazy if you don't play the ace. Come on, fight! 580 00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,078 No, no, no, no! Get in that game! 581 00:56:52,006 --> 00:56:54,082 Listen, you butter-fingered milksops! 582 00:56:54,507 --> 00:56:58,506 The way you're playing, you couldn't beat a girls' basketball team. 583 00:56:58,929 --> 00:57:02,263 We're going to have to use our star play No. 37, 584 00:57:02,682 --> 00:57:06,347 where the quarterback makes a lateral pass to the right guard... 585 00:57:06,771 --> 00:57:09,936 Dad! - Wait a minute! Boys, if you can't beat that bunch of... 586 00:57:10,357 --> 00:57:12,894 Dad! - What do you want? - You're talking to the wrong team. 587 00:57:13,319 --> 00:57:16,770 I know I am, but our team wouldn't listen to me. 588 00:57:19,658 --> 00:57:24,155 Which way you going? - Out there. - Drop me off at the 40-yard line. 589 00:57:28,959 --> 00:57:30,702 Where's your number? 590 00:57:36,174 --> 00:57:41,251 Boy, play like you did last time. I bet five dollars on the other team. 591 00:57:57,655 --> 00:57:59,731 Ready? - OK. 592 00:58:00,156 --> 00:58:01,616 Let's go! 593 00:58:09,750 --> 00:58:11,494 Here comes Prof. Wagstaff. 594 00:58:11,919 --> 00:58:13,828 Will you say something? - I will if you get up. 595 00:58:14,254 --> 00:58:18,203 Professor Wagstaff will tell you all about the game. 596 00:58:18,634 --> 00:58:22,880 Some football game. I wish you were here. Instead of me. 597 00:58:23,305 --> 00:58:26,673 Last week, I told you Mrs. Moskowitz was expecting a blessed event. 598 00:58:27,100 --> 00:58:31,347 Last night Mrs Moskowitz had twins. OK, Mr. Moskowitz! 599 00:58:32,856 --> 00:58:35,181 Thank you, Professor. - It was nothing at all. 600 00:58:45,952 --> 00:58:48,705 The boys are back in the field, they're lined up, 601 00:58:49,122 --> 00:58:51,032 Huxley is about to kick off, 602 00:58:51,459 --> 00:58:53,416 and there they go! 603 00:59:11,060 --> 00:59:12,175 Pardon me. 604 00:59:26,285 --> 00:59:29,368 That'll teach him to pass a lady without tipping his hat. 605 00:59:40,173 --> 00:59:44,218 Hey, you wanna get hurt? We're gonna throw a forward pass. 606 00:59:44,637 --> 00:59:50,889 Signal: 18, 72, forward pass, eenie, meenie, miney, mo. 607 00:59:56,356 --> 00:59:58,930 Pinky, what are you doing here? 608 01:00:01,694 --> 01:00:04,862 That tackle will cost you 15 yards. 609 01:00:05,281 --> 01:00:08,485 You're supposed to tackle the man with the ball, understand? 610 01:00:13,540 --> 01:00:15,580 Hey, idiot, where's that ball? 611 01:00:16,001 --> 01:00:19,369 Look, he's got the mumps. - Give me that ball. 612 01:00:19,796 --> 01:00:21,124 Give me it. 613 01:00:33,102 --> 01:00:37,929 Ain't deaf over there. - Signal: 18, 42, 56 and run. Hup! 614 01:00:44,196 --> 01:00:45,654 Bring that back! 615 01:01:08,219 --> 01:01:11,839 Signal: 85, 29, 78. Hup! 616 01:01:23,318 --> 01:01:25,228 Come on, boys. 617 01:01:26,446 --> 01:01:30,194 Jumping anaconda! Is there a doctor in the stands? 618 01:01:30,617 --> 01:01:34,151 Yes, I'm a doctor. - How do you like the game, doc? 619 01:01:42,837 --> 01:01:45,328 Come back for me in five minutes. 620 01:01:49,303 --> 01:01:53,300 Fancy seeing you here. It's a small world after all. 621 01:02:02,691 --> 01:02:04,600 Why weren't you in the last scrimmage? 622 01:02:05,026 --> 01:02:08,230 I'm sitting this one out. - What are you doing with that cigar? 623 01:02:08,656 --> 01:02:12,606 You know another way to smoke it? - Get on your feet. 624 01:02:14,452 --> 01:02:17,656 Don't look now, but I think I see the chemistry prof. 625 01:02:18,081 --> 01:02:20,205 Up there with the janitor's wife. 626 01:02:21,627 --> 01:02:23,501 Here, have a cigar. 627 01:02:27,258 --> 01:02:28,087 Signal. 628 01:02:28,508 --> 01:02:32,292 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Professor Wagstaff gets the ball. 629 01:02:47,695 --> 01:02:49,687 Have you got it, boys? - OK! 630 01:02:53,741 --> 01:02:55,781 Hey, bring that ball in here. 631 01:03:09,633 --> 01:03:11,258 There goes the ball. 632 01:03:17,015 --> 01:03:19,588 Go on, Pinky. Make a home run. 633 01:03:28,067 --> 01:03:33,691 Gee, Pinky, you made a touchdown. Are you tired? That's marvellous. 634 01:04:00,684 --> 01:04:04,349 I forgot your phone number. - Where's that ball? 635 01:04:06,982 --> 01:04:08,524 Here it is. Come on, 636 01:04:08,943 --> 01:04:11,778 get off that ball. You're holding up the game. 637 01:04:20,161 --> 01:04:25,701 Signal: Uno, duo, tre, vendi, this-a time we go left endi. 638 01:04:41,851 --> 01:04:43,677 Nice work, Pinky. 639 01:04:50,067 --> 01:04:52,937 Signal: Hi diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, 640 01:04:53,362 --> 01:04:56,565 this time I think we go through the middle. 641 01:05:08,251 --> 01:05:10,160 Hey, you're running the wrong way. 642 01:05:40,992 --> 01:05:48,323 We are gathered together here to join this man and this woman in matrimony. 643 01:05:48,750 --> 01:05:53,246 Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? - I do.