1 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,048 MAN ON RADIO: ...looks good. 2 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:09,384 On the Northwest toll eastbound, traffic is moving nicely this morning 3 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,595 from Meacham Road all the way down to River Road. 4 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:15,265 Westbound, there's now a 20-car backup at the Devon Avenue toll. 5 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:18,560 And on the northbound I-290 extension at Thorndale Avenue, 6 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:20,103 we had a spinout there. 7 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,314 And that car was blocking the right-hand lane, 8 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,900 and also blocking the lane that's coming off 9 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:28,946 of the eastbound Thorndale Avenue entrance ramp, 10 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:32,366 leading to the northbound I-290 extension. 11 00:00:32,448 --> 00:00:34,993 This was causing a backup to Irving Park. We have... 12 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:38,413 (ALARM BLARING) 13 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:42,125 Come on, chop, chop. We got relatives invading this afternoon. 14 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:46,088 Ginny, Mike, Sara, Sam! Come on, everybody up. 15 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,799 (LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 16 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,634 I think I have a fever. 17 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,511 You don't have a fever. 18 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:53,679 Shut your face. 19 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,805 Make me. 20 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:55,889 (PHONE RINGING) 21 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:57,516 Dad, Mike hit me! 22 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:58,684 MIKE: You liar. 23 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,061 Mike, come on, pal. We got a wedding tomorrow. 24 00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,396 Try to cooperate, will you? 25 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:03,939 Dad, I didn't hit her. 26 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:08,110 I'd like to very much and I probably will later, but give me a break. 27 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:11,238 You know my method. I don't hit her when you're just down the hall. 28 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,532 Pick on someone your own size. 29 00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:16,952 Open this door. 30 00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:21,164 Daddy, I'm the one getting married. 31 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,501 Not until tomorrow. Come on, I've got a mouthful of toothpaste. 32 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,254 I happen to have a serious problem. 33 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:29,882 MIKE: Dad. 34 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,093 She got her period. Should make for an interesting honeymoon, huh? 35 00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,845 Where are you learning that stuff? 36 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,138 School. 37 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:39,433 Good. Getting my money's worth. 38 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:43,687 MAN ON RADIO: They were fantastic. Just great. What a great crowd. 39 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,772 And it was so much fun... 40 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,621 Chronologically, you're 16 today. 41 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:02,956 Physically, 42 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,210 you're still 15. 43 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,836 (SIGHS) 44 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:12,799 Hopeless. 45 00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:19,431 Nope. I look exactly the same as I have since summer. 46 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,142 Utterly forgettable. 47 00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:25,312 No, I didn't expect to wake up transformed. 48 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,940 I just thought that turning 16 would be so major, 49 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:32,444 that I'd wake up with an improved mental state that would show on my face. 50 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:36,114 All that shows is that I don't have any sort of a tan left. 51 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,742 I better get downstairs. 52 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:42,704 My family's probably pissed off I haven't let them wish me happy birthday yet. 53 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:45,207 All right. I'll see you at school. 54 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,423 You need four inches of bod and a great birthday. 55 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,012 -Where's my briefcase? -MIKE: Where'd you leave it? 56 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,264 Don't be a smart-ass. 57 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,431 Okay, I'll be a dumb-ass. 58 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,975 You already are. 59 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,601 Okay. Okay, where's Sam? 60 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:05,769 Where's my briefcase? 61 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:06,854 Sam? 62 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,523 Allow me, Brenda. Hey, birth defect. 63 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,733 BRENDA: You missed breakfast again. 64 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:13,485 JIM: It wasn't my idea to give her her own phone line, 65 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,987 I don't have my own phone line. 66 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,864 SARA: Mike, lift or I'll punch you. BRENDA: Grab a donut. 67 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,907 -(CAR HONKING) -You're totally infected. 68 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:21,618 It's small, it's brown, it's made of leather, 69 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:25,080 it has my initials on it. And I believe... That's it. 70 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,666 Don't forget the grandparents are coming this afternoon. 71 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,293 Are we still having dinner with the Rice Chex? 72 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,628 Ryszczyks. 8:00 at the club. 73 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,798 Oh, and you better learn their names. As of tomorrow, they're family. 74 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,341 That's a lovely thought. 75 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:39,720 When it comes your turn to get married, do me a favor. Elope. 76 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,013 Who'd marry her? 77 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,472 Mr. T. 78 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,892 I'm sorry, you'll have to buy lunch today. 79 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,518 I didn't have time to fix your carrots. 80 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,063 Yeah, well, she's only eating carrots to increase the size of her breasts. 81 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:53,817 BRENDA: Mister, you had better shape up, or you will miss your sister's wedding. 82 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,110 Promise? 83 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,825 Now, don't give me that pouty look of yours. 84 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,453 You can eat your carrots when you get home. 85 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:07,998 That's it? You don't have anything else to say to me today? 86 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,251 What would you like me to say, Sam? 87 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,880 Come on now, honey. You're gonna miss the bus. 88 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,589 Have a good day. 89 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,345 I can't believe this. 90 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,764 They fucking forgot my birthday. 91 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,551 RANDY: I'm sure they didn't forget your birthday. 92 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:26,261 They just didn't remember it right away. 93 00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:28,222 Same difference. 94 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,140 I know it's a drag that your Sweet 16's 95 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:32,392 the day before Ginny gets married, but big deal. 96 00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:33,977 -They'll remember. -Oh, easy for you to say. 97 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,562 Did anyone ever forget your birthday? 98 00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,022 Come on, Sam. 99 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,649 Everything's just getting shittier. 100 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,401 My family forgetting my birthday just makes it more vivid. 101 00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,737 What do you expect, a breakfast birthday party? 102 00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:45,864 No, but they could have at least said "Happy birthday." 103 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,575 I mean, it was just like any other day. 104 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,244 Why don't you remind them? 105 00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,871 They'll feel some massive guilt. It could be highly profitable. 106 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,332 I wouldn't stoop to remind them. 107 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,793 Since I was about 12, I've been looking forward to my Sweet 16. 108 00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,420 You know, a big party and a band, 109 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:02,214 -with tons of people. -Tons of people. 110 00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:05,592 And a big Trans Am in the driveway with a ribbon around it. 111 00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:08,637 And some incredibly gorgeous guy that you meet, like, in France. 112 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,931 And you do it on a cloud without getting pregnant or herpes. 113 00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,015 I don't need the cloud. 114 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,559 Just a pink Trans Am and the guy, right? 115 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,102 -A black one. -A black guy? 116 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,937 A black Trans Am. A pink guy. 117 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,105 (BELL RINGING) 118 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,273 Oh, no. 119 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,569 You swear to God, you don't have it? 120 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,070 I don't know anything about it. 121 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:33,073 Jennifer Woods gave me a sex test during Child Development, 122 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:36,326 and I was supposed to do it and pass it to you in Independent Study. 123 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:37,870 I'm totally screwed. 124 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,913 Did you put your name on it? 125 00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:42,916 Hi. No, but it was really embarrassing. 126 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,377 I had to name who I'd do it with if I ever did it. 127 00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:46,962 Who'd you name? 128 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,007 -Jake Ryan. -Jake Ryan? 129 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,217 He doesn't even know you exist. 130 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,303 Thank you. That's a very nice thing to say. 131 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,221 I'm sorry. But Jake Ryan? 132 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,141 He's a senior, and he's taken. I mean, really taken. 133 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,977 I know. It was supposed to be my ideal. 134 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:05,314 He's ideal, for sure, but forget it. 135 00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:09,443 God, I hope whoever got the note doesn't know it was me who wrote it. 136 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,445 I'd shit twice and die. 137 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,909 Do you know Samantha Baker? 138 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,953 Sophomore, right? 139 00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:23,332 Yeah. What do you think of her? 140 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,043 I don't. 141 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,588 Would you ever go out with her? 142 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,091 Depends on how much you paid me. 143 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,968 She's not ugly. 144 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,722 There's nothing there, man. 145 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,558 It's not ugly, it's just void. 146 00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,019 -You know what I mean? -There's something about her. 147 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,771 I do Independent Study with her. 148 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,314 I catch her looking at me a lot. 149 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:50,567 It's kind of cool, the way she's always looking at me. 150 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,819 Maybe she's retarded. 151 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,863 I'm being serious, okay? 152 00:10:54,947 --> 00:10:58,200 She looks at me like she's in love with me. 153 00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,160 Jake, she's a child. 154 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,329 So? 155 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:03,664 So what are you gonna do with her? 156 00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:06,667 She's obviously too young to party serious. 157 00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:10,254 Maybe I'm interested in more than a party. 158 00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:13,549 Come on, Jake. You talk like you're hard up. 159 00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:16,051 You got Caroline. Now she's a woman. 160 00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,723 It's unbelievable. 161 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:26,353 I swear to God, Caroline Mulford had to flunk about nine grades. 162 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,814 RANDY: Truly makes me ill. 163 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,148 She's perfect. 164 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,026 Practically impossible to cut up. 165 00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:34,695 She's supposedly real sweet. 166 00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:38,365 Brother's deaf, and everybody in the world worships her. 167 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,033 And she's going with Jake. 168 00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,120 Oh, I'm gonna kill myself. 169 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,580 My man. 170 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,216 (INSTRUMENTS PLAYING OFF KEY) 171 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,556 I loathe the bus. 172 00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,516 (MUSIC STOPS) 173 00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:12,399 There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation. 174 00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,902 I hope you get a car for your birthday and a license. 175 00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,820 (SCOFFS) Let's not hold our breath. 176 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,071 (TOY GUNS FIRING) 177 00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:21,200 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 178 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,784 BOTH: Score. A direct hit. 179 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,747 BOTH: On second thought. 180 00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,251 (INSTRUMENTS PLAYING OFF KEY) 181 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,190 DRIVER: Move it. 182 00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:03,784 -Call me, okay? -You call me first. 183 00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,285 Tell me what happened at home. 184 00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:07,913 Huh! I can tell you right now. Nothing. 185 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,623 Would you quit feeling sorry for yourself? 186 00:13:09,665 --> 00:13:11,458 It's bad for your complexion. 187 00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,461 (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) 188 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,147 How's it going? 189 00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:35,899 How's what going? 190 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,654 You know, things, life, whatnot. 191 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,074 Life is not whatnot, and it's none of your business. 192 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,247 So you going to the New Faces dance tonight or... 193 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,541 That's also none of your business. 194 00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:53,625 (SNIFFING) 195 00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:59,673 Are you inhibited about dancing in public? I mean, 196 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:02,259 you don't have to dance. I mean, you could just stand there 197 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,511 with me and my dudes and just be you, and... 198 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,054 Sounds major. 199 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,768 So, I mean, what's the story? I mean, you got a guy, or... 200 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,021 Yes, three big ones, and they lust for wimp blood, 201 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:17,566 so quit bugging me, or I'll sic them all over your weenie ass. 202 00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:21,361 You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. 203 00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,614 -I mean, it's just... -Go to hell. 204 00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:26,617 Very hostile. 205 00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:30,829 Come on, what's the problem here? 206 00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,539 I'm a boy, you're a girl. 207 00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:34,208 Is there anything wrong with me trying to put together 208 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,335 some kind of relationship between us? 209 00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:40,756 Okay, look, I know you have to go. Just answer me one question. 210 00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,424 Yes, you're a total fag. 211 00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:43,842 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 212 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,886 That's not the question. 213 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,514 Am I turning you on? 214 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,190 (SIGHING) 215 00:14:58,232 --> 00:14:59,733 It's encouraging. 216 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,069 -Very encouraging. -Yeah... 217 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:04,738 You know, a girl with a hat is just so 218 00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:06,073 vogue. 219 00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,407 Yeah. 220 00:15:19,503 --> 00:15:21,547 (TWILIGHT ZONE THEME PLAYING) 221 00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:25,509 HOWARD: Where are my blue socks, Dorothy? 222 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,594 DOROTHY: You mean to tell me you didn't pack them? 223 00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:29,596 Oh, not again, Howard. 224 00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:31,431 Can't I trust you to do anything? 225 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,725 Do you expect me to do all the packing? 226 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:36,270 Well, at least I brought this for you. 227 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:38,355 It... 228 00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:39,773 Sam. 229 00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,150 Samantha. 230 00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:44,444 -Look. -Oh, look. 231 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,906 -Hi. -Hi. 232 00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:50,534 Oh, God. 233 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,661 (CHUCKLING) 234 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,454 Oh, sweetheart. 235 00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:57,291 My goodness, are you a sight for sore eyes. 236 00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,004 Oh, good. Just look. 237 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,882 -How are you, my little lamb chop? -Hello. 238 00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,508 I'm fine, Grandpa. 239 00:16:06,592 --> 00:16:07,885 -Fine. -How are you guys? 240 00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,803 Oh, we're pretty good. Of course, I get the lower back pain 241 00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:11,388 -every once in a while. -Oh, my corns are killing me. 242 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,223 -And arthritis in my fingers. -I still have those headaches. 243 00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:14,808 -Bothers me quite a bit. -But I brought the ice bag... 244 00:16:14,892 --> 00:16:17,060 So are you... You're sleeping up here? 245 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,145 -Yeah. -Yeah. 246 00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:22,065 Your grandfather Fred jumped our claim on Sara's room. So here we are. 247 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,150 We gotta sleep up here. 248 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,319 Well, I haven't seen you guys in a while. 249 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,654 Do I look any older today? 250 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:30,073 Oh, no, no, I wouldn't say so. Do you think so, darling? 251 00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,659 DOROTHY: No. Oh, I hope it isn't cold tomorrow. 252 00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:33,827 You know Ginny. 253 00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:35,913 -It's not gonna be cold... -She'll refuse to wear a hat and coat 254 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,332 -over her wedding dress. -Well, if she does, you mustn't bug her 255 00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:40,375 -because if a girl does not... -I'm not gonna bug her... 256 00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:43,420 I'm gonna go set myself up in Mike's room. So I'll see you guys later. 257 00:16:43,504 --> 00:16:45,172 -Okay, sweetheart. -Oh, look, there she goes. 258 00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:49,510 Grandpa and I are looking forward to a nice, long, long visit with you. 259 00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:50,677 Aces. 260 00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:53,180 We certainly are. We're looking forward... 261 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:56,266 See you a little later, darling. We've got a lot to... 262 00:16:57,851 --> 00:17:01,230 I swear to God, this has got to be a joke. 263 00:17:01,313 --> 00:17:03,774 Grandparents forgetting a birthday? 264 00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,275 They live for that shit. 265 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,359 (TOILET FLUSHING) 266 00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:09,195 (SINGING) ...with my arms around you 267 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,866 Well, well, if it isn't 268 00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:16,036 Sammy Baker Davis Jr. 269 00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:17,996 Hi, Grandpa. 270 00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,705 Oh, I've got one for you. 271 00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,375 -Knock, knock. -Who's there? 272 00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,042 -Who. -Who, who? 273 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:26,713 Helen, we've got an owl out here in the hall. 274 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,302 Fred, Fred, leave her alone. 275 00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:34,721 -You'll make her tinkle. -Oh, come on, Helen. 276 00:17:34,805 --> 00:17:37,474 Oh, Sam, let me look at you. 277 00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:42,896 Fred, she's gotten her boobies. 278 00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:46,567 FRED: I'd better go get my magnifying glass. 279 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,987 Oh, and they are so perky. 280 00:18:03,292 --> 00:18:06,587 I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up. 281 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:12,467 (GONG SOUNDING) 282 00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:14,845 What's happening, hot stuff? 283 00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:18,432 His name is Long Duk Dong. 284 00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:20,225 What? 285 00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:22,102 Long Duk Dong. 286 00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:24,521 He came down with Grandma and Grandpa Baker. 287 00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:27,107 He's an exchange student that's living with them. 288 00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:28,984 Yeah, well, he's totally bizarre. 289 00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:30,277 He is not. 290 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,238 He is a very sweet boy. 291 00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:37,492 I just hope you burn the sheets and mattresses after he leaves. 292 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,287 I don't suppose it makes any difference to you, 293 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,706 but there's a very weird Chinese guy up in Mike's room. 294 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,626 Ginny dumped Rudy and he's her new fiancé. 295 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,461 BRENDA: Mike, stop it. 296 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:51,465 Sam, honey, do you think you could help the grandmothers with supper? 297 00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:54,468 Dad and I have to go to the club for dinner with the Rice Chex. 298 00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,094 Ryszczyks. 299 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:57,471 Ryszczyks. 300 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:02,643 Do you think that there's any reason that I should possibly stay home tonight? 301 00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:07,231 Well, I think it might be nice if you'd visit with your grandparents and Long Duk Dong. 302 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:08,565 Who? 303 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,568 The weird Chinese guy in Mike's room. 304 00:19:12,528 --> 00:19:14,154 I think I have a dance to go to. 305 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:15,822 Well, that's okay. 306 00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:20,244 Oh, can you remember to turn off the stove in 20 minutes? 307 00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:22,829 I can remember lots of things. 308 00:19:28,669 --> 00:19:31,213 This is the single worst day of my entire life. 309 00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:33,006 What the hell are you bitching about? 310 00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:36,426 I gotta sleep under some Chinaman named after a duck's dork. 311 00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:39,179 Well, where am I sleeping? 312 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,931 Sofa City, sweetheart. 313 00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:50,357 Do you think Grandpa Fred's going to embarrass me? 314 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,861 I don't know why not. He does it to everyone else. 315 00:19:53,944 --> 00:19:58,156 He already asked me if Rudy was the oily variety bohunk. 316 00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,950 Is he? 317 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,410 Don't be cute. 318 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:04,371 I really love Rudy. 319 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:08,375 And he is totally enamored of me. 320 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,088 I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, 321 00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:16,633 but not for six months in a row. 322 00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,386 I think I'm in love. 323 00:20:19,428 --> 00:20:22,389 So how long have you been in love? 324 00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:24,892 Well, it hasn't really happened yet. 325 00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,811 So what's the deal? 326 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,024 I'm not sure that he knows I exist. 327 00:20:33,734 --> 00:20:37,070 Sam, I really don't have time for this. 328 00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:40,324 Well, I'm sorry. 329 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:43,327 I always listen to you talk about your boyfriends. 330 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,913 Darling, is something bothering you? 331 00:20:50,209 --> 00:20:53,253 You're really acting like an asshole. 332 00:20:55,464 --> 00:20:57,049 And I think I know what it is. 333 00:20:57,090 --> 00:21:02,763 I think you're jealous that I'm getting married and that I'm getting all the attention. 334 00:21:04,598 --> 00:21:08,769 You know, everybody in this family has just gone totally Outer Limits. 335 00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,437 No, Sam. 336 00:21:10,479 --> 00:21:14,441 I think you're just being a little selfish and immature. 337 00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:18,320 Oh, yes. That's it. 338 00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:20,656 That's exactly it. 339 00:21:23,909 --> 00:21:25,118 Unbelievable. 340 00:21:25,202 --> 00:21:28,413 You make someone a bridesmaid, and they shit all over you. 341 00:21:28,622 --> 00:21:30,457 (GONG SOUNDING) 342 00:21:38,799 --> 00:21:40,676 Very clever dinner. 343 00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:45,639 Appetizing food fit neatly into interesting round pie. 344 00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:46,974 It's a quiche. 345 00:21:47,641 --> 00:21:49,059 How do you spell? 346 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:51,979 Well, you don't spell it, son, you eat it. 347 00:21:54,231 --> 00:21:57,401 Dong has only been in our country a short time, Fred. 348 00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:59,152 I think we could all help him assimilate. 349 00:21:59,236 --> 00:22:00,279 Oh. 350 00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:04,241 DOROTHY: Long Duk Dong is about your age, Sam. 351 00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:06,869 You two should have a lot to chat about. 352 00:22:06,952 --> 00:22:12,666 I love visiting with Grandma and Grandpa and writing letters to parents 353 00:22:12,708 --> 00:22:18,672 and pushing lawn-mowing machine so Grandpa's hyena don't get disturbed. 354 00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:20,674 Hernia. 355 00:22:20,757 --> 00:22:22,259 (FRED LAUGHING) 356 00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:24,636 Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeedy. 357 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:29,099 He does the dishes and helps with the laundry, you betcha. 358 00:22:32,269 --> 00:22:33,353 May I be excused? 359 00:22:34,146 --> 00:22:35,272 Where are you going? 360 00:22:36,607 --> 00:22:39,151 I have a dance to go to at school. 361 00:22:40,569 --> 00:22:42,571 It's a very important dance. 362 00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:45,199 We're being graded on it for gym. 363 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,993 Wait a minute. I have a wonderful idea. 364 00:22:50,037 --> 00:22:52,748 Would you like to go to the dance with Sam? 365 00:22:52,831 --> 00:22:54,374 (GONG SOUNDING) 366 00:22:55,918 --> 00:22:58,504 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 367 00:23:16,855 --> 00:23:18,106 I wonder if Jake's here. 368 00:23:18,190 --> 00:23:19,816 I don't think it's too healthy to get all jacked up 369 00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:21,735 about some guy that isn't even a thing yet. 370 00:23:21,818 --> 00:23:24,780 Yeah, when you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose, right? 371 00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:26,990 That's a cheerful thought. 372 00:23:27,074 --> 00:23:28,992 Let's go make ourselves available. 373 00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:49,263 That's the one, dude. Scope it out. 374 00:23:49,346 --> 00:23:50,597 She doesn't look like a freshman. 375 00:23:50,681 --> 00:23:52,224 Sophomore, dude. Sophomore. 376 00:23:52,266 --> 00:23:54,434 Fully-aged sophomore meat. 377 00:23:58,272 --> 00:23:59,439 We do the bus together. 378 00:23:59,523 --> 00:24:00,524 You talk to her? 379 00:24:00,607 --> 00:24:03,151 -Talk? Dude, I have a relationship with her. -Get off. 380 00:24:03,235 --> 00:24:05,362 Figured to, like, 17 digits. 381 00:24:06,154 --> 00:24:07,739 You are such a liar. 382 00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:10,075 We'll see about that, my man. 383 00:24:10,117 --> 00:24:14,746 By night's end, I predict me and her will interface. 384 00:24:18,709 --> 00:24:21,461 (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) 385 00:24:43,859 --> 00:24:45,652 Check it out, Wease. 386 00:24:48,197 --> 00:24:49,823 Pretty intense, huh? Over. 387 00:24:49,865 --> 00:24:51,283 Wacks to the max. Over. 388 00:25:05,422 --> 00:25:06,840 All right. 389 00:25:08,217 --> 00:25:09,676 I knew you'd come around. 390 00:25:11,428 --> 00:25:12,554 Christ. 391 00:25:14,014 --> 00:25:16,016 Crank that, sister. 392 00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:18,685 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 393 00:25:25,442 --> 00:25:28,570 Very hot. Very hot. Tonight, tonight is happening. 394 00:25:34,785 --> 00:25:36,703 I'm blowing your mind, aren't I? 395 00:25:39,039 --> 00:25:41,083 I'm just getting warmed up. 396 00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:51,718 (FARTS) 397 00:25:57,140 --> 00:25:58,517 Excuse me. 398 00:26:31,175 --> 00:26:34,011 Way to go, dick-face. She took off. 399 00:26:34,428 --> 00:26:37,598 Don't spaz out, okay, Wease? The situation will come online. 400 00:26:37,681 --> 00:26:41,602 Yeah? I'll bet you a dozen floppy disks you don't even get tit. 401 00:26:41,643 --> 00:26:44,354 You got a bet, scumbag. I'll get it all. 402 00:26:44,438 --> 00:26:47,649 Take off. You wouldn't even be able to prove it, anyway. 403 00:26:47,941 --> 00:26:49,484 A, don't hit me. 404 00:26:49,568 --> 00:26:52,446 Secondly, what kind of proof do you want? 405 00:26:53,572 --> 00:26:55,115 -Video. -Video. 406 00:26:55,199 --> 00:26:57,868 No way, okay? I can just see the thing getting duped a thousand times 407 00:26:57,951 --> 00:27:00,495 and, like, winding up on cable somewhere. 408 00:27:00,579 --> 00:27:01,955 Try again. 409 00:27:02,331 --> 00:27:04,291 -Underpants. -Underpants. 410 00:27:06,627 --> 00:27:08,462 No prob, butt-lick. 411 00:27:17,638 --> 00:27:19,223 BOTH: Girls' underpants. 412 00:27:50,254 --> 00:27:52,172 So, what's your name? 413 00:27:52,256 --> 00:27:53,340 Dong. 414 00:27:54,591 --> 00:27:56,260 What's your first name? 415 00:27:56,343 --> 00:27:57,511 Long. 416 00:27:59,263 --> 00:28:01,515 What's your middle name? 417 00:28:01,557 --> 00:28:02,683 Duk. 418 00:28:05,477 --> 00:28:09,356 I bet all the boys chase you plenty in the school, huh? 419 00:28:09,439 --> 00:28:11,149 Nobody's caught me yet. 420 00:28:11,650 --> 00:28:13,485 I betcha you big teaser, huh? 421 00:28:13,527 --> 00:28:16,989 No. I run the 40 in five flat. 422 00:28:18,282 --> 00:28:19,408 Flat? 423 00:28:23,287 --> 00:28:24,538 Hey. 424 00:28:24,580 --> 00:28:26,039 I'm really sorry, man. 425 00:28:26,123 --> 00:28:29,251 Whatever I did was an... I mean, I didn't mean to... 426 00:28:29,334 --> 00:28:30,544 Relax. 427 00:28:36,216 --> 00:28:39,386 You were dancing with a girl? 428 00:28:39,887 --> 00:28:42,723 Oh, man, I'm really, I'm really sorry, man. 429 00:28:42,806 --> 00:28:44,183 I must've been on drugs five minutes ago. 430 00:28:44,224 --> 00:28:46,560 -I didn't even know what I was doing. -Do you know her? 431 00:28:46,602 --> 00:28:49,897 She grabbed me, guy. I'm totally innocent. Is she yours? 432 00:28:49,980 --> 00:28:52,065 What do you know about her? 433 00:28:52,691 --> 00:28:55,402 She has smallish tits, decent voice. 434 00:28:55,861 --> 00:28:59,364 Smells pretty good. She drives me crazy. 435 00:28:59,406 --> 00:29:00,908 Did she come here with you? 436 00:29:00,991 --> 00:29:04,912 No, no. But if it's okay with my dad, she's going home with me. 437 00:29:06,205 --> 00:29:07,539 Excuse me. 438 00:29:15,088 --> 00:29:17,174 (GIRLS CHATTERING) 439 00:29:17,925 --> 00:29:20,219 -Do you guys want to blow off this dance? -Yes. 440 00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:22,721 I am bored to the brink of insanity. 441 00:29:22,763 --> 00:29:24,515 And go where? 442 00:29:24,598 --> 00:29:26,767 Jake's parents aren't home, we could do his house. 443 00:29:26,808 --> 00:29:28,101 How's it going? 444 00:29:28,644 --> 00:29:29,645 Fine. 445 00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:30,854 We'd have to party light, though, 446 00:29:30,938 --> 00:29:33,023 Jake's too paranoid about his parents' house getting trashed. 447 00:29:33,106 --> 00:29:34,441 ROBIN: Again? 448 00:30:04,763 --> 00:30:06,473 Okay. 449 00:30:07,933 --> 00:30:09,309 All right. 450 00:30:13,438 --> 00:30:15,941 Just trying to get a little bit of water. 451 00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:18,402 Yeah. 452 00:30:23,407 --> 00:30:25,492 Yes, I'm back. 453 00:30:25,534 --> 00:30:26,952 So I smell. 454 00:30:27,327 --> 00:30:29,746 It's from my shaving cream. 455 00:30:29,830 --> 00:30:31,707 You wanna feel a real clean, close shave? 456 00:30:31,790 --> 00:30:33,166 I'll pass. 457 00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:35,627 Couldn't find anyone else to bug, huh? 458 00:30:35,669 --> 00:30:38,672 Come on. You know you're the one I want to bug, huh? 459 00:30:38,714 --> 00:30:42,050 This is my friend, Randy. And that's Jimmy Montrose. 460 00:30:42,384 --> 00:30:44,553 -Howdy, dude. -This is Farmer Fred. 461 00:30:44,636 --> 00:30:47,347 -Ted. -Oh, I'm sorry. This is Farmer Ted. 462 00:30:47,431 --> 00:30:49,892 I'm not really a farmer. I'm a freshman. 463 00:30:49,975 --> 00:30:52,186 Geek, can I be honest with you? 464 00:30:52,269 --> 00:30:54,396 Not if you're gonna insult me. 465 00:30:54,479 --> 00:30:55,647 Okay. 466 00:30:58,567 --> 00:31:01,361 -Shoot. -Get the hell out of here. 467 00:31:01,403 --> 00:31:04,198 Nice, nice manners, babe. 468 00:31:04,281 --> 00:31:07,034 She's totally serious, ass-wipe. 469 00:31:07,075 --> 00:31:08,118 Chill. 470 00:31:14,416 --> 00:31:16,668 You wanna split with me? I... 471 00:31:18,378 --> 00:31:19,671 -I don't know, you know. -I can't handle this. 472 00:31:19,713 --> 00:31:20,797 My mom always tells me, 473 00:31:20,881 --> 00:31:22,633 "If you want something, you gotta ask for it," you know? 474 00:31:22,716 --> 00:31:24,635 I mean, I'm not the kind of guy... 475 00:31:24,718 --> 00:31:27,721 It's embarrassing for me. I don't know. I just... 476 00:31:29,056 --> 00:31:30,474 It's just... 477 00:32:16,812 --> 00:32:19,565 I'm really sorry about what happened in the gym. 478 00:32:19,815 --> 00:32:22,359 I had no idea you couldn't dance. 479 00:32:27,489 --> 00:32:28,699 (CRASHING) 480 00:32:49,261 --> 00:32:50,804 What a decent night, huh? 481 00:32:50,846 --> 00:32:52,222 It's my birthday. 482 00:32:55,475 --> 00:32:56,476 (HUMMING) 483 00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,812 (SINGING) You say it's your birthday 484 00:32:58,854 --> 00:33:00,772 It's my birthday, too 485 00:33:00,814 --> 00:33:03,192 Don't do that, okay? 486 00:33:04,985 --> 00:33:06,653 Hey, Jude 487 00:33:06,737 --> 00:33:08,155 Just stop it, okay? 488 00:33:08,238 --> 00:33:10,574 I mean, it's really been a shitty birthday for me. 489 00:33:10,657 --> 00:33:13,827 No offense, but I don't need a serenade right how. 490 00:33:14,870 --> 00:33:16,872 What's wrong? You didn't get anything good, or... 491 00:33:16,955 --> 00:33:19,833 I didn't get shit. Not even, "Happy birthday." 492 00:33:19,917 --> 00:33:22,711 My whole family just sort of blew it off. 493 00:33:25,339 --> 00:33:27,674 I'd freak if my family forgot my birthday. 494 00:33:27,716 --> 00:33:28,842 It's a brand-new year. 495 00:33:28,926 --> 00:33:30,677 I'm 16. Everything should be platinum. 496 00:33:30,719 --> 00:33:32,054 I should be happy, right? 497 00:33:32,471 --> 00:33:33,889 -Right? -Yeah. 498 00:33:33,972 --> 00:33:35,724 Well, I can't get happy. 499 00:33:35,807 --> 00:33:38,852 It is physically impossible for me to get happy. 500 00:33:42,940 --> 00:33:46,193 Would you feel better if you knew one of my secrets, or... 501 00:33:46,235 --> 00:33:47,653 Don't gross me out. 502 00:33:47,694 --> 00:33:50,113 No, we're not talking gross here. No, it's just... 503 00:33:50,906 --> 00:33:52,824 It's just embarrassing. 504 00:33:59,206 --> 00:34:01,250 This information cannot leave this room, okay? 505 00:34:01,333 --> 00:34:04,211 It would devastate my reputation as a dude. 506 00:34:05,671 --> 00:34:07,047 No problem. 507 00:34:12,302 --> 00:34:14,221 I've never bagged a babe. 508 00:34:17,766 --> 00:34:18,934 I'm not a stud. 509 00:34:23,146 --> 00:34:25,148 I got the rep in sixth grade. 510 00:34:25,232 --> 00:34:27,317 And it, like, I don't know, it stuck with me. 511 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,194 I'm still on hold. 512 00:34:31,237 --> 00:34:34,658 Look, I'd appreciate you not laughing, okay? 513 00:34:34,741 --> 00:34:36,076 I'm sorry. 514 00:34:37,159 --> 00:34:39,496 That's not what I meant. 515 00:34:42,541 --> 00:34:43,917 I meant... 516 00:34:45,752 --> 00:34:47,795 -(HORN BLARING) -Hey, time out, junior. 517 00:34:51,300 --> 00:34:52,676 Pardon me. 518 00:34:57,723 --> 00:34:59,099 It's okay. 519 00:35:04,271 --> 00:35:08,984 I meant that it's okay that you did it once, but I didn't mean for you to do it again. 520 00:35:10,068 --> 00:35:11,445 I'm sorry. 521 00:35:13,113 --> 00:35:14,281 Sorry. 522 00:35:16,909 --> 00:35:19,995 You know, just now, I really felt how much you like me. 523 00:35:21,538 --> 00:35:24,791 You're probably zoning in on my brain waves or something. 524 00:35:25,459 --> 00:35:28,128 Well, not really, I felt it on my leg. 525 00:35:30,088 --> 00:35:32,424 Come on. I don't want to see it! 526 00:35:37,888 --> 00:35:39,556 Sorry if I embarrassed you. 527 00:35:40,307 --> 00:35:42,434 I'm not embarrassed. 528 00:35:42,476 --> 00:35:44,603 Fresh breath's a priority in my life. 529 00:35:48,357 --> 00:35:50,275 You know, I really don't want to hurt your feelings, 530 00:35:50,317 --> 00:35:52,903 'cause it's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit. 531 00:35:52,986 --> 00:35:55,322 I care about it, really. I mean... 532 00:35:56,156 --> 00:36:00,244 I know I came on kind of like a poozer on the bus tonight and everything, 533 00:36:00,327 --> 00:36:04,164 but that's just so my friends won't think, you know, I'm a jerk. 534 00:36:04,206 --> 00:36:06,834 But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they? 535 00:36:06,917 --> 00:36:10,212 Yeah, but the thing is, I'm kind of like the leader, you know. 536 00:36:11,463 --> 00:36:13,841 Kind of like the king of the dipshits. 537 00:36:13,924 --> 00:36:15,509 Well, that's pretty cool. 538 00:36:15,843 --> 00:36:17,928 Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. 539 00:36:18,011 --> 00:36:22,057 I mean, you could come back next fall as a completely normal person. 540 00:36:22,140 --> 00:36:23,809 -Yeah? -Sure. 541 00:36:28,856 --> 00:36:31,483 Would it be totally off the wall if... 542 00:36:32,734 --> 00:36:35,112 If I asked if I could have sex with you? 543 00:36:38,365 --> 00:36:42,369 Yeah, well, you asking me is not as off the wall as why I won't. 544 00:36:42,411 --> 00:36:44,621 -VD? -No. 545 00:36:45,747 --> 00:36:47,749 I'm sort of saving myself. 546 00:36:48,917 --> 00:36:51,879 It's really stupid. He doesn't even know I exist. 547 00:36:52,713 --> 00:36:53,881 Who? 548 00:36:54,882 --> 00:36:56,008 Who? 549 00:36:57,551 --> 00:36:58,886 Jake Ryan. 550 00:37:00,053 --> 00:37:01,346 You like Jake? 551 00:37:02,055 --> 00:37:04,266 Jake's my boy. 552 00:37:04,349 --> 00:37:06,268 I just talked to Jake in the gym. 553 00:37:06,351 --> 00:37:08,312 -He asked me about you. -Did not. 554 00:37:08,395 --> 00:37:11,732 He did, too. He did. He asked me what you were like. 555 00:37:11,815 --> 00:37:13,275 Oh, my... Oh. 556 00:37:13,483 --> 00:37:15,360 If you're lying, I'll beat the crap out of you. 557 00:37:15,402 --> 00:37:16,653 I'm not lying. 558 00:37:16,737 --> 00:37:18,447 Oh, my God, what should I do? 559 00:37:19,198 --> 00:37:21,575 Should I go up to him? Should I say, "Hi, Jake, I'm Samantha?" 560 00:37:21,617 --> 00:37:23,243 Or, no, maybe I should let him come to me. 561 00:37:23,285 --> 00:37:24,745 This is not my department. 562 00:37:24,786 --> 00:37:27,414 But what if I decide to let him come to me, and then he forgets? 563 00:37:27,456 --> 00:37:31,084 Or then what if he changes his mind? And then I'm totally screwed, right? 564 00:37:31,168 --> 00:37:32,586 Apparently so. 565 00:37:33,670 --> 00:37:36,089 What would you do if you were me? 566 00:37:37,299 --> 00:37:38,884 I'm a gambling man by nature. 567 00:37:40,928 --> 00:37:41,929 And I'd go for it. 568 00:37:43,180 --> 00:37:46,308 This is so strange. But I think I will. Oh, you're the best. 569 00:37:50,270 --> 00:37:52,356 -Wait... -What? 570 00:37:53,273 --> 00:37:55,067 Do you know anything about floppy disks? 571 00:37:55,108 --> 00:37:57,277 -We'll talk about this on the bus, okay? -Well, no. 572 00:37:57,361 --> 00:37:59,571 See, the thing is, I got kind of a problem. 573 00:37:59,613 --> 00:38:01,615 Well, floppy disks are pretty expensive 574 00:38:01,657 --> 00:38:03,784 and, see, the thing is, I made a bet with my friends, 575 00:38:04,409 --> 00:38:05,410 the dipshits. 576 00:38:07,913 --> 00:38:10,332 I bet them that I'd do it with you. 577 00:38:10,832 --> 00:38:12,251 But this was before I knew you as a person. 578 00:38:12,292 --> 00:38:14,795 I can get proof without actually getting physical. 579 00:38:14,878 --> 00:38:15,963 How? 580 00:38:18,757 --> 00:38:20,634 Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes? 581 00:38:21,301 --> 00:38:23,470 (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) 582 00:38:31,728 --> 00:38:34,147 I think it's time to blow this thing off and go to your house. 583 00:38:34,189 --> 00:38:36,400 -Yeah? -I told Tracy and Robin and those guys 584 00:38:36,483 --> 00:38:40,362 to come to your parents' house, okay? I told them not to tell anybody. 585 00:38:40,445 --> 00:38:43,031 God, I love it when your parents are out of town, 586 00:38:43,115 --> 00:38:44,616 I fantasize that I'm your wife, 587 00:38:44,658 --> 00:38:47,828 and we're, like, the richest, most popular adults in town. 588 00:38:48,662 --> 00:38:51,081 I owe all my great weekends to you. 589 00:38:53,208 --> 00:38:54,293 What's your problem? 590 00:38:54,334 --> 00:38:55,419 What? 591 00:38:55,502 --> 00:38:57,963 You've been acting weird all night. 592 00:38:58,297 --> 00:38:59,506 Are you screwing around? 593 00:38:59,548 --> 00:39:02,217 Me? Are you crazy? 594 00:39:02,301 --> 00:39:04,261 I don't know, Jake. 595 00:39:04,344 --> 00:39:05,679 I'm getting strange signals. 596 00:39:05,762 --> 00:39:08,724 Well, they're not coming from me. Look, everything's fine. Don't have a cow. 597 00:39:09,850 --> 00:39:10,934 Okay. 598 00:39:11,810 --> 00:39:13,687 But just remember one thing. 599 00:39:14,313 --> 00:39:16,815 I can name 20 guys who'd kill to love me. 600 00:39:17,691 --> 00:39:19,109 Is that a threat? 601 00:39:19,193 --> 00:39:20,360 It's a fact, Jake. 602 00:39:21,737 --> 00:39:25,616 Come on. Before we get in a big, wicked fight, let's get out of here, huh? 603 00:39:29,661 --> 00:39:32,331 Hi, Jake. I'm Samantha. How's it going? 604 00:39:35,626 --> 00:39:37,544 Do you got a cigarette? 605 00:39:41,548 --> 00:39:43,175 Jake, this may sound incredibly dumb, 606 00:39:43,217 --> 00:39:46,512 but I love you, and I'll do anything to make you love me. 607 00:39:48,055 --> 00:39:49,765 I love your shirt. 608 00:39:54,353 --> 00:39:56,063 Jake, you're not gonna believe this, 609 00:39:56,104 --> 00:39:59,566 but I had this very bizarre dream, and you were in it. 610 00:40:03,195 --> 00:40:05,906 MAN: For heaven's sake. Get in there and dance. 611 00:40:05,989 --> 00:40:09,076 -BOY: I can't. They won't like me. -I'm not gonna tell you again. 612 00:40:09,117 --> 00:40:10,327 Just act like a man. 613 00:40:10,410 --> 00:40:12,663 BOY: I wanna go home. I wanna be with you guys. 614 00:40:53,912 --> 00:40:56,373 I can't believe I'm such a jerk. 615 00:40:57,457 --> 00:41:00,210 He smiles at me and I don't say anything. 616 00:41:01,461 --> 00:41:04,882 And I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek. 617 00:41:09,178 --> 00:41:10,304 What year are you? 618 00:41:10,345 --> 00:41:11,388 Freshman. 619 00:41:11,471 --> 00:41:13,807 Give me a buck. Okay, get in. 620 00:41:18,020 --> 00:41:20,230 (ALL CHATTERING) 621 00:41:27,654 --> 00:41:29,031 Shut up. 622 00:41:30,657 --> 00:41:31,825 Bryce? 623 00:41:32,492 --> 00:41:35,495 Ted, go for it. 624 00:41:35,829 --> 00:41:37,831 (DRUM ROLL) 625 00:41:41,168 --> 00:41:42,878 (ALL GASPING) 626 00:41:54,723 --> 00:41:56,808 Hey, listen. 627 00:41:58,143 --> 00:42:01,230 I wanna thank you for loaning me the Donger. 628 00:42:04,691 --> 00:42:06,652 He's really bitching. 629 00:42:07,194 --> 00:42:09,947 That's okay. You guys make a great couple. 630 00:42:12,241 --> 00:42:15,619 I've never been so happy in my whole life. 631 00:42:15,702 --> 00:42:16,828 You maniac. 632 00:42:19,206 --> 00:42:21,792 Now I have a place to put my hand. 633 00:42:22,793 --> 00:42:27,047 So basically, Jimmy, my business is video game arcades, 634 00:42:28,215 --> 00:42:32,094 laundry, cigarette machines and trucking. 635 00:42:33,053 --> 00:42:37,057 I dabble a little bit in personal loans and politics. 636 00:42:41,728 --> 00:42:43,105 Very nice. 637 00:42:44,731 --> 00:42:48,569 I think that all that really matters is that the kids are happy together. 638 00:42:49,736 --> 00:42:52,239 Just as long as my beautiful boy remembers 639 00:42:52,322 --> 00:42:55,617 that marrying this one means he's out of the Girl-of-the-Month club. 640 00:42:55,701 --> 00:42:58,954 Hey, wait a minute. I can still look. 641 00:42:59,037 --> 00:43:01,123 I just can't touch. Right? 642 00:43:02,374 --> 00:43:04,376 -Oh, sensitive, huh? -Rudy. 643 00:43:07,963 --> 00:43:09,673 -Cheers. -Right on. 644 00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:15,888 You do shots? Come on, wolf it. 645 00:43:20,017 --> 00:43:21,018 Whoo! 646 00:43:32,696 --> 00:43:35,199 Good night, Marlene. See you later, Dong. 647 00:43:35,282 --> 00:43:39,161 Sammy, tell Grandpa not to wait up. Let's go boogie. 648 00:43:39,745 --> 00:43:40,871 Sure. 649 00:43:43,373 --> 00:43:45,876 Donger's here for five hours and he's got somebody. 650 00:43:45,959 --> 00:43:48,545 I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease. 651 00:43:53,675 --> 00:43:56,637 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 652 00:44:34,424 --> 00:44:38,136 Everybody, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Jake. 653 00:44:39,054 --> 00:44:42,266 Jake, this is everybody. 654 00:44:42,349 --> 00:44:44,142 BOY: Take it off. 655 00:44:45,018 --> 00:44:47,855 All right, whose is this? 656 00:44:48,856 --> 00:44:50,399 You're such a poop. 657 00:44:59,783 --> 00:45:01,285 (LONG DUK EXCLAIMING) 658 00:45:01,368 --> 00:45:02,870 (CRASHING) 659 00:45:24,224 --> 00:45:25,225 (BARKING) 660 00:45:33,108 --> 00:45:34,902 GIRL: Oh, Tony! 661 00:45:49,333 --> 00:45:50,375 (PAGER BEEPING) 662 00:45:50,417 --> 00:45:51,710 Shit, Ted, that's my mom. I gotta get home. 663 00:45:51,752 --> 00:45:54,379 TED: Change your frequency, okay? Don't be such a wimp. 664 00:46:00,636 --> 00:46:03,430 Take those ridiculous things off, okay? 665 00:46:04,681 --> 00:46:06,642 Will you guys grow up? 666 00:46:06,725 --> 00:46:10,103 Ted, won't we get pounded if we go to a senior party? 667 00:46:11,021 --> 00:46:14,608 Wease, we got $70, and we got a pair of girl's underpants. 668 00:46:14,691 --> 00:46:16,985 We're safe as kittens. Okay? 669 00:46:17,069 --> 00:46:19,947 This is a great social opportunity for us. 670 00:46:20,113 --> 00:46:21,114 Come on. 671 00:46:32,835 --> 00:46:34,336 Do not embarrass me, okay? 672 00:46:34,419 --> 00:46:36,296 For sure, we won't. 673 00:46:36,380 --> 00:46:39,258 -Will you fix your hair, Bryce? -I already did. 674 00:46:39,842 --> 00:46:42,469 Wease, close your barn, all right? 675 00:46:46,139 --> 00:46:48,684 -And be polite to his parents, all right? -Okay, okay. 676 00:46:51,937 --> 00:46:53,814 (GONG SOUNDING) 677 00:46:53,897 --> 00:46:58,277 Hey, come on in and party hearty, dude persons. 678 00:47:02,823 --> 00:47:05,951 He's from out of town, okay? He speaks English, right? 679 00:47:05,993 --> 00:47:08,370 -Don't be such faggots. -Man, shut up. 680 00:47:08,745 --> 00:47:10,122 Kidding. Sorry. 681 00:47:12,958 --> 00:47:14,960 -Think we're gonna die? -Definitely. 682 00:47:25,345 --> 00:47:26,930 (PHONE RINGING) 683 00:47:34,062 --> 00:47:35,981 We put the cat out? 684 00:47:36,023 --> 00:47:37,524 We don't have a cat. 685 00:47:38,525 --> 00:47:39,651 Come on, damn it. Answer. 686 00:47:49,953 --> 00:47:51,163 Oh, eat me. 687 00:47:54,499 --> 00:47:55,876 Who is it? 688 00:47:57,711 --> 00:47:59,671 Well, what did they want? 689 00:48:01,924 --> 00:48:03,050 Sex. 690 00:48:11,058 --> 00:48:12,100 Geek! 691 00:48:24,404 --> 00:48:27,241 Very nice. We're here five minutes and then... 692 00:48:28,367 --> 00:48:29,868 I'm at a loss. 693 00:48:32,788 --> 00:48:34,581 Real smooth, Cliff. 694 00:48:36,500 --> 00:48:38,293 (GRUNTING) 695 00:48:45,717 --> 00:48:48,011 I've never been out with a boy before. 696 00:48:48,095 --> 00:48:49,763 Oh, me, neither. 697 00:48:50,848 --> 00:48:52,266 (PHONE RINGING) 698 00:48:58,564 --> 00:48:59,690 CAROLINE: Jake? 699 00:49:01,483 --> 00:49:03,318 Where are you, Jake? 700 00:49:04,361 --> 00:49:06,989 Jakey, have you stopped loving me? 701 00:49:10,492 --> 00:49:11,952 Leave me alone. 702 00:49:23,589 --> 00:49:24,715 What? 703 00:49:26,133 --> 00:49:28,343 I'm sorry, I don't do that. 704 00:49:28,427 --> 00:49:30,554 -Yes, you do. -I know. 705 00:49:30,637 --> 00:49:33,348 -Come on. -CAROLINE: Trace. You guys. 706 00:49:34,516 --> 00:49:36,852 Would you please help me, please? 707 00:49:36,935 --> 00:49:38,312 Oh, shit. 708 00:49:38,395 --> 00:49:39,938 Come on, you guys. I'm your prom queen. 709 00:49:41,982 --> 00:49:44,985 Trace, you guys, I'm serious. Come on. I need help. 710 00:49:45,027 --> 00:49:47,654 -Okay. -Oh, I broke those pearls! 711 00:49:48,238 --> 00:49:49,781 What is the problem? 712 00:49:49,823 --> 00:49:51,241 Several things. 713 00:49:56,330 --> 00:49:57,956 Okay. We'll help you. 714 00:50:00,167 --> 00:50:02,503 Don't go away, Caroline, baby. 715 00:50:06,381 --> 00:50:08,300 (PHONE RINGING) 716 00:50:08,342 --> 00:50:10,636 Hello? Hello? 717 00:50:11,678 --> 00:50:14,973 Listen, I know you're there. I can hear you breathing. 718 00:50:20,020 --> 00:50:21,230 Yes, hello, sir... 719 00:50:21,313 --> 00:50:24,358 Are you the little bugger that's been calling up here all night 720 00:50:24,399 --> 00:50:25,859 and then hanging up? 721 00:50:26,443 --> 00:50:29,696 Would it be possible for you to tell me if there is a Samantha Baker there? 722 00:50:29,738 --> 00:50:32,032 And if so, sir, may I converse with her briefly? 723 00:50:32,449 --> 00:50:35,577 Yes, it is. And no, you may not. 724 00:50:37,079 --> 00:50:38,539 Might I leave a message, sir? 725 00:50:40,499 --> 00:50:42,918 He wants to leave a message for Sam. 726 00:50:43,585 --> 00:50:45,712 Here, give me that phone. 727 00:50:47,214 --> 00:50:49,258 Now, you listen to me, mister. 728 00:50:49,341 --> 00:50:53,095 God did not put me on this earth to be awakened by filthy suggestions 729 00:50:53,178 --> 00:50:56,223 from a foul-mouthed hooligan like you. 730 00:50:56,265 --> 00:50:59,393 And as for our granddaughter, I'm sure she has more than enough sense 731 00:50:59,476 --> 00:51:01,562 to stay clear of the likes of you. 732 00:51:01,603 --> 00:51:03,730 Now, good night and goodbye! 733 00:51:09,236 --> 00:51:10,779 That was great. 734 00:51:11,238 --> 00:51:14,074 -Sam's lucky she has us, Howard. -Yeah. 735 00:51:15,242 --> 00:51:18,537 Even if she doesn't appreciate us. 736 00:51:19,913 --> 00:51:21,623 Do you promise you won't get mad? 737 00:51:21,707 --> 00:51:23,375 No, I love you. 738 00:51:23,750 --> 00:51:26,044 Okay, close your eyes. 739 00:51:27,129 --> 00:51:30,007 -Scalpel. -Scalpel. 740 00:51:40,184 --> 00:51:41,435 My God. 741 00:51:45,105 --> 00:51:48,609 ROBIN: That was wonderful, Trace! I'm so proud of you. 742 00:51:48,692 --> 00:51:50,986 I don't know how to thank you enough. 743 00:51:51,069 --> 00:51:52,404 My pleasure. 744 00:52:06,919 --> 00:52:08,295 BOY: My God. 745 00:52:09,171 --> 00:52:10,172 Wow. 746 00:52:10,631 --> 00:52:13,133 GIRL: I hope they have insurance. GIRL 2: The party's over. 747 00:52:18,096 --> 00:52:20,390 (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYING) 748 00:53:04,226 --> 00:53:05,477 Son of a bitch. 749 00:53:16,196 --> 00:53:17,865 What a disaster. 750 00:53:33,130 --> 00:53:35,007 (TED PANTING) 751 00:53:45,142 --> 00:53:46,435 Jake! 752 00:53:48,145 --> 00:53:49,229 JIM: Sam. 753 00:53:50,856 --> 00:53:52,232 Sweetheart? 754 00:53:54,401 --> 00:53:56,737 -Daddy? -Hi, kiddo. 755 00:53:58,113 --> 00:53:59,573 What's wrong? 756 00:53:59,656 --> 00:54:01,033 Nothing. Everything's fine. 757 00:54:02,659 --> 00:54:05,287 I was just upstairs and I couldn't sleep. 758 00:54:07,915 --> 00:54:10,250 I feel like a real jerk, honey. 759 00:54:11,919 --> 00:54:13,378 We forgot your birthday. 760 00:54:16,924 --> 00:54:19,259 I bet you're really POed, huh? 761 00:54:20,135 --> 00:54:21,929 No, it's okay. 762 00:54:22,554 --> 00:54:24,598 I'm not really all that upset anymore. 763 00:54:26,433 --> 00:54:30,229 This wedding is really turning this entire house inside out. 764 00:54:31,104 --> 00:54:33,941 And I just came down to tell you that we did remember. 765 00:54:35,651 --> 00:54:37,110 Thanks, Dad. 766 00:54:38,737 --> 00:54:40,280 Happy birthday. 767 00:54:51,124 --> 00:54:53,126 Is something else wrong? 768 00:54:54,795 --> 00:54:56,004 No, why? 769 00:54:56,088 --> 00:54:58,674 I don't know, I just get the feeling that something's bothering you. 770 00:54:58,757 --> 00:55:01,009 Something other than your birthday. 771 00:55:01,635 --> 00:55:04,555 No, I'm fine. Really. 772 00:55:09,643 --> 00:55:11,687 I think I know what it is. 773 00:55:14,565 --> 00:55:16,859 It has to do with a certain guy? 774 00:55:19,403 --> 00:55:20,404 (SIGHS) 775 00:55:23,991 --> 00:55:25,826 I know, honey, I know. 776 00:55:29,746 --> 00:55:32,833 We're all upset that Ginny's marrying a bohunk. 777 00:55:38,505 --> 00:55:40,215 What's the matter? 778 00:55:42,009 --> 00:55:43,594 I meant Jake. 779 00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:44,761 Jake? 780 00:55:46,013 --> 00:55:48,015 Wait a minute. I thought she said his name was Rudy. 781 00:55:48,098 --> 00:55:49,516 Forget it. 782 00:55:50,017 --> 00:55:51,351 Forget what? Who's Jake? 783 00:55:54,688 --> 00:55:58,525 He's a boy, Daddy. It's nothing. Okay? Just forget it, please? 784 00:55:59,318 --> 00:56:01,069 Come on, Sam, we're not communicating. 785 00:56:02,696 --> 00:56:05,157 It's extremely embarrassing, okay? 786 00:56:05,991 --> 00:56:07,701 What's embarrassing? 787 00:56:08,035 --> 00:56:11,538 Sitting in the dark with your dad, telling him about your love life. 788 00:56:13,081 --> 00:56:15,459 I'm afraid you lost me again, Sam. 789 00:56:18,212 --> 00:56:22,007 Jake is a senior, and he's beautiful and perfect. 790 00:56:22,049 --> 00:56:24,885 I like him a real lot, and he doesn't like me. Okay? 791 00:56:24,968 --> 00:56:26,220 Oh. 792 00:56:27,930 --> 00:56:30,140 And he's got this incredible girlfriend. 793 00:56:30,224 --> 00:56:33,227 I'm just this ridiculous dork that's following him around like a puppy. 794 00:56:34,019 --> 00:56:35,812 Why do you think you're a dork? 795 00:56:35,896 --> 00:56:37,481 I don't think you're a dork. 796 00:56:37,648 --> 00:56:39,399 I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork. 797 00:56:39,441 --> 00:56:40,817 Mike thinks I'm a dork. 798 00:56:40,901 --> 00:56:41,944 Mike is a dork. 799 00:56:43,737 --> 00:56:45,364 Well, so am I. 800 00:56:45,405 --> 00:56:48,242 Well, if it's any consolation, I love you. 801 00:56:49,076 --> 00:56:53,789 And if this guy can't see in you all the beautiful and wonderful things that I see, 802 00:56:53,872 --> 00:56:55,916 then he's got the problem. 803 00:56:56,500 --> 00:56:58,460 I know. It just hurts. 804 00:56:59,837 --> 00:57:02,297 That's why they call them crushes. 805 00:57:02,631 --> 00:57:05,926 If they were easy, they'd call them something else. 806 00:57:07,553 --> 00:57:11,014 Yeah, but if I were Ginny, I'd have this guy crawling on his knees. 807 00:57:11,098 --> 00:57:13,851 Well, let me tell you something about Ginny. 808 00:57:13,934 --> 00:57:16,061 Now, I love her as much as I love you. 809 00:57:16,103 --> 00:57:17,688 But she's a different person. 810 00:57:18,605 --> 00:57:20,774 Sometimes I worry about her. 811 00:57:21,275 --> 00:57:24,111 You know, when you're given things kind of easily, 812 00:57:24,152 --> 00:57:26,572 you don't always appreciate them. 813 00:57:26,613 --> 00:57:28,657 With you, I'm not worried. 814 00:57:29,074 --> 00:57:32,870 When it happens to you, Samantha, it'll be forever. 815 00:57:37,875 --> 00:57:42,754 Well, I don't think I'll be able to sleep if I don't feel this little talk has helped you. 816 00:57:43,172 --> 00:57:46,133 So would you be a sport and lie to me? 817 00:57:46,216 --> 00:57:47,885 Yeah, sure, Daddy. 818 00:57:49,011 --> 00:57:51,555 -Good night, sweetheart. -Good night. 819 00:57:58,395 --> 00:57:59,646 Oh, one more thing, sweetheart. 820 00:58:00,856 --> 00:58:01,982 What? 821 00:58:02,024 --> 00:58:05,569 When you do find the right guy, don't let him boss you around. 822 00:58:07,112 --> 00:58:10,449 Make sure he knows you wear the pants in the family. 823 00:58:14,953 --> 00:58:16,455 These are really hers? 824 00:58:16,538 --> 00:58:17,539 Yeah. 825 00:58:17,706 --> 00:58:19,541 How did you get them? 826 00:58:19,625 --> 00:58:21,376 She gave them to me. 827 00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:23,337 Did you... 828 00:58:23,462 --> 00:58:26,381 No. No, Jake, she's crying for you. 829 00:58:27,132 --> 00:58:29,718 I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. 830 00:58:29,801 --> 00:58:32,763 She had a hissy. She thinks you're the cat's meow. 831 00:58:33,305 --> 00:58:34,348 -Really? -Yeah. 832 00:58:34,431 --> 00:58:36,558 She came up to me in the gym tonight. 833 00:58:36,642 --> 00:58:39,186 She looked at me like I was a leper. 834 00:58:39,478 --> 00:58:41,438 Girls will do that, Jake, you know? 835 00:58:41,522 --> 00:58:44,274 You see, they know guys are, like, in perpetual heat, right? 836 00:58:44,358 --> 00:58:47,528 They know this shit. And they enjoy pumping us up. 837 00:58:47,611 --> 00:58:50,030 It's pure power politics, I'm telling you. 838 00:58:50,113 --> 00:58:52,366 I thought she hated my guts. 839 00:58:52,407 --> 00:58:55,702 Games, Jake. Silly, torturous games. 840 00:58:55,786 --> 00:58:57,204 You know how many times a week I go without lunch 841 00:58:57,287 --> 00:58:59,331 because some bitch borrows my lunch money? 842 00:58:59,373 --> 00:59:02,626 You know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind. 843 00:59:02,709 --> 00:59:05,087 Because I'm too torqued up to say no. 844 00:59:05,170 --> 00:59:07,381 It's heinous, I'm telling you. 845 00:59:07,631 --> 00:59:09,675 You better not be dicking me around. 846 00:59:09,716 --> 00:59:12,052 It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl 847 00:59:12,094 --> 00:59:13,720 and find out she really does think I'm a slime. 848 00:59:14,555 --> 00:59:16,473 Jake, would I dick you? 849 00:59:17,099 --> 00:59:19,393 Let me put it to you this way. 850 00:59:19,726 --> 00:59:21,144 What happens to me if I dick you? 851 00:59:22,271 --> 00:59:23,647 I'd kick your ass. 852 00:59:24,481 --> 00:59:25,899 Right. So why would I lie? 853 00:59:27,609 --> 00:59:29,319 But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, 854 00:59:29,403 --> 00:59:32,239 I mean, if all you want off the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, 855 00:59:32,281 --> 00:59:35,909 I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me 856 00:59:35,951 --> 00:59:37,619 to kick your ass. 857 00:59:38,787 --> 00:59:42,708 I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today 858 00:59:42,749 --> 00:59:45,878 would give their underwear to help a geek like me. 859 00:59:46,753 --> 00:59:49,298 I can get a piece of ass any time I want. 860 00:59:49,381 --> 00:59:52,718 Shit, I got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. 861 00:59:52,759 --> 00:59:55,846 I could violate her 10 different ways if I wanted to. 862 00:59:56,555 --> 00:59:57,806 What are you waiting for? 863 00:59:57,890 --> 00:59:59,099 I don't know. 864 00:59:59,183 --> 01:00:02,144 She's beautiful and she's built and all that. 865 01:00:02,519 --> 01:00:04,897 I'm just not interested anymore. 866 01:00:05,606 --> 01:00:07,107 Does that really matter, guy? 867 01:00:07,191 --> 01:00:08,609 Yeah, it matters. 868 01:00:08,650 --> 01:00:12,070 She's totally insensitive. Look what she did to my house. 869 01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:15,282 She doesn't know shit about love. 870 01:00:15,324 --> 01:00:17,618 Only thing she cares about is partying. 871 01:00:17,701 --> 01:00:19,828 I want a serious girlfriend. 872 01:00:20,287 --> 01:00:22,873 Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. 873 01:00:25,125 --> 01:00:26,668 Is that psycho? 874 01:00:29,254 --> 01:00:31,089 That's beautiful, Jake. 875 01:00:31,131 --> 01:00:33,550 You know, I think a ton of guys feel the same way as you do. 876 01:00:33,634 --> 01:00:35,719 -Really? -Yeah. It's just they don't... 877 01:00:35,802 --> 01:00:37,638 They don't have the balls to admit it. You know what I mean? 878 01:00:37,721 --> 01:00:40,265 I mean, they're just... They're wimps. 879 01:00:40,766 --> 01:00:43,352 Samantha's... She's really special, you know? 880 01:00:43,810 --> 01:00:45,270 I'll make a deal with you. 881 01:00:45,312 --> 01:00:47,022 You let me keep these, 882 01:00:48,065 --> 01:00:50,317 I'll let you take Caroline home. 883 01:00:50,359 --> 01:00:51,860 But you gotta make sure she gets home. 884 01:00:51,944 --> 01:00:55,489 You can't leave her in some parking lot somewhere. Okay? 885 01:00:56,657 --> 01:00:58,033 Jake, I'm only a freshman. 886 01:00:58,116 --> 01:01:01,119 So? She's so blitzed, she won't know the difference. 887 01:01:01,620 --> 01:01:02,996 Jake, I don't have a car. 888 01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:04,456 You can take mine. 889 01:01:04,873 --> 01:01:07,042 Jake, I don't have a license. 890 01:01:07,709 --> 01:01:09,127 I trust you. 891 01:01:13,257 --> 01:01:16,885 Jake, I'd love to. I can't. Want a pretzel? 892 01:01:16,969 --> 01:01:19,596 -You sure? -Positive. 893 01:01:32,526 --> 01:01:34,069 -I got her. -You got her? 894 01:01:34,152 --> 01:01:35,195 Yeah. 895 01:01:46,206 --> 01:01:47,416 This is your car, Jake? 896 01:01:47,499 --> 01:01:48,834 No, this is my dad's car. 897 01:01:48,876 --> 01:01:51,378 You said you couldn't drive a stick. 898 01:01:51,461 --> 01:01:54,047 This is a... 899 01:01:54,131 --> 01:01:56,258 This is a Rolls-Royce, Jake. 900 01:01:56,341 --> 01:01:58,594 -So? -So? So? 901 01:01:59,303 --> 01:02:02,055 I heard the grill alone costs five grand on this. 902 01:02:02,139 --> 01:02:05,809 Five grand. Do you have five grand? I don't have five grand. 903 01:02:05,893 --> 01:02:08,187 -Then don't hit anything. -Don't hit anything. 904 01:02:08,228 --> 01:02:10,522 Do you want to do this or not? 905 01:02:10,564 --> 01:02:11,648 No. 906 01:02:15,152 --> 01:02:17,738 Who the hell? Who does he... 907 01:02:44,806 --> 01:02:46,099 Who's he? 908 01:02:46,141 --> 01:02:47,142 That's me. 909 01:02:54,608 --> 01:02:56,026 Who are you? 910 01:02:56,109 --> 01:02:57,110 I'm him. 911 01:03:05,577 --> 01:03:06,703 Okay. 912 01:03:07,496 --> 01:03:10,165 -She's totally gone. Have fun. -Thanks. 913 01:03:17,130 --> 01:03:19,216 Jake, is your dad a big man, or... 914 01:03:19,299 --> 01:03:20,509 About 6'4". 915 01:03:20,592 --> 01:03:21,969 Very nice. 916 01:03:25,722 --> 01:03:26,807 Ho. 917 01:03:32,646 --> 01:03:33,856 Ho. 918 01:03:35,315 --> 01:03:36,775 Easy. 919 01:03:37,943 --> 01:03:38,986 Easy. 920 01:04:03,552 --> 01:04:05,512 (LONG DUK LAUGHING) 921 01:04:11,143 --> 01:04:14,563 Oh, sexy girlfriend. 922 01:04:16,523 --> 01:04:18,066 Banzai! 923 01:05:03,779 --> 01:05:04,821 Think they liked us? 924 01:05:04,905 --> 01:05:05,906 Definitely. 925 01:05:07,241 --> 01:05:08,242 Go, darling geek. 926 01:05:08,283 --> 01:05:09,618 TED: Could we turn that music down a little bit? 927 01:05:09,701 --> 01:05:12,329 I'm a first-time driver. I really need to concentrate. 928 01:05:12,412 --> 01:05:14,915 Excuse me. Stop that. 929 01:05:15,916 --> 01:05:18,335 Looks like rain. Better put the top up. 930 01:05:18,418 --> 01:05:21,421 Will you stop that? You can get us in a lot of trouble doing that. 931 01:05:21,505 --> 01:05:23,090 This is a car. 932 01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:27,594 He probably doesn't even got Triple A on it or anything. 933 01:05:27,636 --> 01:05:30,097 Chug-a-lug, Pooh Bear. 934 01:05:31,974 --> 01:05:35,310 I can't believe you're so popular, acting like this. 935 01:05:35,394 --> 01:05:36,728 (CAR PHONE RINGING) 936 01:05:38,480 --> 01:05:39,690 Hello? 937 01:05:40,190 --> 01:05:42,609 Oh, I don't know. I'll have to look. 938 01:05:42,651 --> 01:05:44,862 Mr. Ryan, are you in here? 939 01:05:44,945 --> 01:05:47,698 -Where are you? -He's not. Mr. Ryan's not in right now. 940 01:05:47,781 --> 01:05:50,450 My Christmas present to you. 941 01:05:50,492 --> 01:05:52,744 -Thank you. -No. Really. Serious. 942 01:05:53,120 --> 01:05:54,705 See? See? 943 01:05:56,623 --> 01:05:58,000 Thank you. 944 01:05:59,960 --> 01:06:02,129 Now we're both on the pill. 945 01:06:08,135 --> 01:06:10,262 You gave me a birth control pill? 946 01:06:10,304 --> 01:06:12,514 Do you have any idea what that'll do to a guy my age? 947 01:06:12,598 --> 01:06:15,309 I know exactly what it'll do to a girl my age. 948 01:06:15,392 --> 01:06:17,269 First time in a car, and then this shit. 949 01:06:17,311 --> 01:06:20,647 It makes it okay to be really super careless. 950 01:06:20,689 --> 01:06:22,357 Wait, wait. 951 01:06:28,155 --> 01:06:31,825 Look, we're not going any further until you stop these childish antics, Caroline. 952 01:06:31,909 --> 01:06:33,660 Don't be such a poop. 953 01:06:35,662 --> 01:06:36,997 On second thought. 954 01:06:37,331 --> 01:06:38,665 CAROLINE: I love you. 955 01:06:43,462 --> 01:06:45,339 This is getting good. 956 01:07:04,650 --> 01:07:06,318 (CLATTERING) 957 01:07:09,947 --> 01:07:11,740 Ted, what the hell are you doing? 958 01:07:11,823 --> 01:07:13,534 Are those humongous jocks back? 959 01:07:16,036 --> 01:07:17,538 Cliff, do you have any film in your camera? 960 01:07:17,579 --> 01:07:18,622 What? 961 01:07:19,873 --> 01:07:22,417 Take those ridiculous things off. 962 01:07:23,961 --> 01:07:26,463 -Do you have any film in your camera? -Sure. 963 01:07:26,547 --> 01:07:29,049 Okay. You guys, go get it and bring it outside, okay? 964 01:07:29,132 --> 01:07:30,634 -Right out front. -What for? 965 01:07:30,717 --> 01:07:33,512 Look, just get it and come on out front, okay? 966 01:07:34,054 --> 01:07:35,931 -UFO? -It's better. 967 01:07:37,182 --> 01:07:39,226 -Extraterrestrial? -It's better. All right? 968 01:07:39,309 --> 01:07:41,562 Just get it and come on outside. 969 01:07:41,645 --> 01:07:44,064 BOTH: Female extraterrestrial? 970 01:07:44,106 --> 01:07:45,774 It's better, now shh! 971 01:07:46,650 --> 01:07:48,902 Better than female extraterrestrial? 972 01:07:48,944 --> 01:07:50,904 How do you tell if it's a female? 973 01:07:50,988 --> 01:07:52,155 'Cause it's got tits. 974 01:07:52,239 --> 01:07:54,074 Well, what makes them different than regular tits? 975 01:07:54,157 --> 01:07:57,703 They got four. Just get the camera. It's in the closet. 976 01:07:58,412 --> 01:07:59,580 No, don't go in the closet. 977 01:08:00,163 --> 01:08:01,290 (CRASHING) 978 01:08:04,877 --> 01:08:06,670 They're such assholes. I can't believe it. 979 01:08:08,422 --> 01:08:09,882 CLIFF: ...photography. BRYCE: Well, it's not my fault, 980 01:08:09,923 --> 01:08:12,176 -you should check that out. -Why do you always have to argue? 981 01:08:12,259 --> 01:08:13,677 -I'm not arguing. -Yes, you are. 982 01:08:13,760 --> 01:08:14,887 -I am not. -Yes, you are. 983 01:08:14,928 --> 01:08:16,763 -I am not. -Every time I try to do something, 984 01:08:16,846 --> 01:08:18,932 -it's always bitch, bitch, bitch. -Bitch is a female dog. 985 01:08:19,015 --> 01:08:20,434 Okay? Not even. 986 01:08:20,475 --> 01:08:22,185 What's that supposed to mean? 987 01:08:23,437 --> 01:08:25,063 -Shit. -Shoot. 988 01:08:42,206 --> 01:08:44,917 Ted, that's a Rolls-Royce. 989 01:08:44,957 --> 01:08:46,710 Ted, that's the prom queen. 990 01:08:46,792 --> 01:08:48,212 You got two girls in one night. 991 01:08:49,462 --> 01:08:52,006 -I told you dudes I was hot. -Hot? Ted, you're a legend. 992 01:08:52,090 --> 01:08:53,466 Will you shut up? 993 01:08:53,634 --> 01:08:55,385 People around here work, all right? 994 01:08:56,636 --> 01:08:58,805 Now, will you hurry it up? I'm breaking, like, 30 major laws here. 995 01:08:58,846 --> 01:09:00,765 -Come on. -You know, Ted, 996 01:09:00,807 --> 01:09:02,850 nobody's gonna believe you. 997 01:09:03,435 --> 01:09:04,478 No way. 998 01:09:06,479 --> 01:09:10,651 That, my friends, is what the pictures are for. Okay? 999 01:09:25,207 --> 01:09:26,834 Just get that thing there. 1000 01:09:27,667 --> 01:09:30,170 -All right, you guys ready? -Wait, hold on. 1001 01:09:32,339 --> 01:09:33,340 Just put it down just a bit. 1002 01:09:33,423 --> 01:09:35,133 You guys know what you're doing here, or what? 1003 01:09:35,175 --> 01:09:36,969 All right, just a minute. 1004 01:09:37,010 --> 01:09:39,220 -How does this look? -Very nice. 1005 01:09:40,180 --> 01:09:43,350 Wait a minute, you know, black-and-white, it would just capture the moment so nicely. 1006 01:09:43,433 --> 01:09:44,560 Wouldn't it? 1007 01:09:44,643 --> 01:09:47,145 Will you take the picture already? 1008 01:09:47,187 --> 01:09:49,731 You're pissing me off, I'm telling you. 1009 01:09:52,401 --> 01:09:55,946 -Smile, pumpkin. -What? Oh. Pictures. 1010 01:09:56,488 --> 01:09:58,282 Cheers. 1011 01:10:32,566 --> 01:10:34,902 Marlene, no. Marlene, no. 1012 01:10:37,112 --> 01:10:38,572 Chill out, boy. 1013 01:10:38,614 --> 01:10:40,365 Mike, honey, go get dressed. 1014 01:10:40,407 --> 01:10:43,911 I can't believe it. Ginny's not in the shower. 1015 01:10:43,952 --> 01:10:45,662 I wouldn't go in there if I were you. 1016 01:10:45,746 --> 01:10:47,998 Grandpa Fred was in there for a half an hour. 1017 01:10:48,081 --> 01:10:50,542 -It's totally polluted. -Get dressed. 1018 01:10:50,584 --> 01:10:52,211 It's your nose. 1019 01:10:56,965 --> 01:10:58,800 They never listen. 1020 01:10:58,884 --> 01:11:00,636 What was he wearing? 1021 01:11:00,928 --> 01:11:02,429 Well, he would have... 1022 01:11:02,471 --> 01:11:06,767 He was wearing a red argyle sweater and tan trousers. 1023 01:11:07,893 --> 01:11:09,102 And red shoes. 1024 01:11:11,438 --> 01:11:12,981 No, he's not retarded. 1025 01:11:13,398 --> 01:11:15,484 Now, what can I do to help? 1026 01:11:15,567 --> 01:11:17,319 Well, you could finish the French toast. 1027 01:11:17,402 --> 01:11:18,529 Good. 1028 01:11:20,113 --> 01:11:22,866 I'll just open the donuts. 1029 01:11:22,950 --> 01:11:24,451 Good thinking. 1030 01:11:25,077 --> 01:11:26,578 Don't wanna lose the nails. 1031 01:11:32,584 --> 01:11:35,170 I'll just wait till I hear from you, then. 1032 01:11:35,254 --> 01:11:37,214 Voilà. Breakfast is ready. 1033 01:11:39,800 --> 01:11:41,051 Oh, Sam. 1034 01:11:42,469 --> 01:11:45,305 Sam, I am so sorry about your birthday. 1035 01:11:46,807 --> 01:11:48,976 It's okay. I'll recover. 1036 01:11:49,977 --> 01:11:51,895 It's important to you. 1037 01:11:52,771 --> 01:11:56,316 And yesterday morning, you were trying to tell me. 1038 01:11:57,568 --> 01:11:59,111 It's okay, Mom. 1039 01:11:59,820 --> 01:12:01,989 These things sometimes happen. 1040 01:12:02,030 --> 01:12:05,617 Oh. Honey, I just feel miserable. 1041 01:12:06,285 --> 01:12:07,619 You'll feel better. 1042 01:12:07,953 --> 01:12:08,954 Who died? 1043 01:12:12,666 --> 01:12:15,752 Is there something you want to say to your sister? 1044 01:12:15,836 --> 01:12:19,423 What? Are you kidding? Where should I start? 1045 01:12:20,048 --> 01:12:22,593 I mean about her birthday. 1046 01:12:22,676 --> 01:12:24,511 It was yesterday. We all forgot. 1047 01:12:26,346 --> 01:12:27,681 Classic. 1048 01:12:34,354 --> 01:12:36,523 Deep down, he's really sorry. 1049 01:12:40,736 --> 01:12:42,863 -No, he's not. -No, he's not. 1050 01:12:43,864 --> 01:12:46,909 I have to go to this wedding and look like Miss Pretty Princess 1051 01:12:46,992 --> 01:12:48,911 in this dipshit's bridesmaid's dress. 1052 01:12:48,994 --> 01:12:52,497 I don't even have one-tenth of the bod to fill the stupid bust up. 1053 01:12:52,539 --> 01:12:55,209 So what? Should I just waste myself and spare the agony? 1054 01:12:55,792 --> 01:12:59,254 I was gonna tell you something, but maybe I shouldn't. It's pretty bad. 1055 01:12:59,463 --> 01:13:02,216 You may as well. Nothing could shock me anymore. 1056 01:13:04,218 --> 01:13:07,262 Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear. 1057 01:13:07,804 --> 01:13:08,805 (SCREAMING) 1058 01:13:11,266 --> 01:13:14,061 I hate that rock 'n' roll rubbish. 1059 01:13:14,102 --> 01:13:16,396 Well, I'm afraid it's here to stay, Howie. 1060 01:13:21,818 --> 01:13:24,738 Sam, you're dragging your dress, honey. Pick it up. 1061 01:13:24,821 --> 01:13:26,990 Come on, Ginny. Hurry up, sweetie. 1062 01:13:27,074 --> 01:13:28,575 SARA: Why is she so slow? 1063 01:13:28,659 --> 01:13:30,911 BRENDA: Do not fuss at your sister. It's her wedding day. 1064 01:13:30,994 --> 01:13:32,079 SARA: Big deal. 1065 01:13:32,120 --> 01:13:34,081 All right, is everybody in? 1066 01:13:34,122 --> 01:13:36,291 Oh, dear. Are you all right, Ginny? 1067 01:13:45,259 --> 01:13:47,052 Come on, everybody. 1068 01:13:49,596 --> 01:13:52,057 Get in the car, please. We're late already. 1069 01:14:00,274 --> 01:14:03,986 Helen, will you get in the car? I don't know what they're fussing about. 1070 01:14:04,820 --> 01:14:06,446 Helen, get in the car. 1071 01:14:19,626 --> 01:14:21,253 FRED: Hey, Howard, there's your Chinaman. 1072 01:14:21,295 --> 01:14:23,297 -HOWARD: Oh, thanks, Fred. -Bye, Dong. 1073 01:14:24,923 --> 01:14:27,676 What the... What's he doing on the ground there? 1074 01:14:27,801 --> 01:14:30,262 What's happened to him? What's happened? 1075 01:14:30,304 --> 01:14:31,889 Hold a mirror in front of his mouth. 1076 01:14:31,972 --> 01:14:33,932 Howard. He's dead! 1077 01:14:34,308 --> 01:14:37,311 Oh, shit. I pay seven grand for a wedding, I'll never see it. 1078 01:14:37,394 --> 01:14:40,230 Oh, watch your language, Mr. Dirty Mouth. 1079 01:14:41,732 --> 01:14:44,651 -Oh, thank God, he is still warm. -Oh, good. 1080 01:14:44,693 --> 01:14:47,487 -Here, help me roll him over. -I'll help you. 1081 01:14:51,491 --> 01:14:53,243 -Gross. -Canine cologne. 1082 01:14:53,619 --> 01:14:56,663 Oh, no more yankie my wankie. 1083 01:14:56,747 --> 01:14:58,624 The Donger need food. 1084 01:15:01,502 --> 01:15:04,171 Hell, he's three sheets to the wind. 1085 01:15:05,297 --> 01:15:06,715 He's drunk as a skunk. 1086 01:15:06,798 --> 01:15:09,134 Oh, why don't you shut up, Fred. Shut up. 1087 01:15:09,176 --> 01:15:10,552 Dong. 1088 01:15:12,679 --> 01:15:13,972 Dong. 1089 01:15:14,640 --> 01:15:17,351 Dong, Grandpa is talking to you. 1090 01:15:19,603 --> 01:15:24,107 Dong. Where is my automobile? 1091 01:15:24,775 --> 01:15:26,193 Automobile? 1092 01:15:30,364 --> 01:15:33,450 (LONG DUK IMITATING CAR CRASHING) 1093 01:15:36,495 --> 01:15:38,789 Lake. Big lake. 1094 01:15:41,333 --> 01:15:43,043 Why, you little scuzzbag. 1095 01:15:43,085 --> 01:15:44,127 Ow! 1096 01:15:46,713 --> 01:15:49,591 Oh, my. Is everything all right? 1097 01:15:50,050 --> 01:15:52,594 I was afraid you'd had an accident. 1098 01:15:53,262 --> 01:15:54,763 I wish. 1099 01:15:55,681 --> 01:15:57,224 Her monthly bill came early. 1100 01:16:00,561 --> 01:16:04,147 Well, she's fine. She just took a muscle relaxer. 1101 01:16:04,231 --> 01:16:05,566 Try four. 1102 01:16:06,525 --> 01:16:08,485 -You didn't. -Mother. 1103 01:16:28,088 --> 01:16:29,756 Damn, Mom. I've got my headgear on. 1104 01:16:29,798 --> 01:16:31,592 Will you wake up? 1105 01:16:33,093 --> 01:16:34,678 Where the hell am I? 1106 01:16:35,762 --> 01:16:39,308 I'll tell you where you are if you'll tell me who you are. 1107 01:16:41,268 --> 01:16:42,644 Farmer Ted. 1108 01:16:43,103 --> 01:16:46,690 You're in the parking lot across the street from my church. 1109 01:16:48,066 --> 01:16:49,693 You own a church? 1110 01:16:54,865 --> 01:16:56,283 What happened? 1111 01:16:56,700 --> 01:16:57,910 I have no idea. 1112 01:17:03,290 --> 01:17:05,417 Did I do that to your hair? 1113 01:17:06,627 --> 01:17:09,171 At this point, anything is possible. 1114 01:17:16,303 --> 01:17:17,471 Did... 1115 01:17:20,140 --> 01:17:21,767 -Did we... -Yeah. 1116 01:17:23,393 --> 01:17:25,020 I'm pretty sure. 1117 01:17:28,690 --> 01:17:30,692 Excuse me, but do you... 1118 01:17:31,318 --> 01:17:33,320 Do you know if... Did I enjoy it? 1119 01:17:36,073 --> 01:17:37,491 What, am I nuts? Of course I enjoyed it. 1120 01:17:37,574 --> 01:17:40,369 I mean... What I meant was, 1121 01:17:41,161 --> 01:17:42,162 did you? 1122 01:17:44,414 --> 01:17:45,499 Hmm. 1123 01:17:47,459 --> 01:17:50,045 You know, I have this weird feeling I did. 1124 01:18:00,055 --> 01:18:01,723 Here, Ginny. Drink this. 1125 01:18:03,016 --> 01:18:04,268 Come on. 1126 01:18:06,353 --> 01:18:07,437 Here. 1127 01:18:12,109 --> 01:18:13,193 Wow. 1128 01:18:14,111 --> 01:18:15,571 Do I feel funky. 1129 01:18:15,654 --> 01:18:16,780 Uh-huh. 1130 01:18:36,717 --> 01:18:38,385 Okay. I'm coming. 1131 01:18:40,554 --> 01:18:44,141 Hello? Geez, this place is so confusing. 1132 01:18:46,143 --> 01:18:47,269 Okay. 1133 01:18:56,904 --> 01:18:59,823 Go away. I call FIB. I call police. 1134 01:18:59,907 --> 01:19:01,867 -Go away. -Open the door. 1135 01:19:01,909 --> 01:19:04,536 -No way, Jose. -Open the door. 1136 01:19:04,578 --> 01:19:06,163 You beat up my face. 1137 01:19:06,496 --> 01:19:07,623 You grabbed my nuts. 1138 01:19:11,877 --> 01:19:13,879 -That you? -Yeah. That me. 1139 01:19:16,465 --> 01:19:18,091 Oh, I'm so sorry. 1140 01:19:19,092 --> 01:19:22,888 I thought you my new, new-style American girlfriend. 1141 01:19:23,263 --> 01:19:24,973 Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right? 1142 01:19:25,057 --> 01:19:26,475 She not here. 1143 01:19:26,558 --> 01:19:28,101 Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she? 1144 01:19:28,143 --> 01:19:29,853 -She got married. -What? 1145 01:19:30,312 --> 01:19:33,982 She at the church. She getting married to oily bohunk. 1146 01:19:34,775 --> 01:19:36,568 -Married? -Married. 1147 01:19:36,610 --> 01:19:38,820 -Married? -Yeah. Married. 1148 01:19:43,116 --> 01:19:44,368 Married? 1149 01:19:44,451 --> 01:19:46,411 Married! Geez. 1150 01:19:54,503 --> 01:19:55,963 Are you gonna be all right, sweetie? 1151 01:19:56,755 --> 01:19:59,633 It's gonna be a piece of cake, Bren. 1152 01:20:02,719 --> 01:20:05,138 Ginny, I'm really happy for you. 1153 01:20:06,390 --> 01:20:09,101 I'm sorry for being kind of a jerk lately. 1154 01:20:10,602 --> 01:20:12,646 That's really lovely, Sam. 1155 01:20:13,063 --> 01:20:15,274 I know you'll have a great marriage. 1156 01:20:20,487 --> 01:20:21,655 BRENDA: Ginny. 1157 01:20:25,826 --> 01:20:28,203 -Holy shit. -She just had a cramp. 1158 01:20:28,787 --> 01:20:30,831 JIM: I don't care what she's got. Look at her. 1159 01:20:30,914 --> 01:20:33,041 BRENDA: Will you please be quiet? 1160 01:20:33,125 --> 01:20:36,545 We don't want to announce to everyone that she has her period. 1161 01:20:36,628 --> 01:20:38,172 I guess those guys who thought we had to get married 1162 01:20:38,255 --> 01:20:40,632 feel pretty stupid right about now, huh, padre? 1163 01:20:51,476 --> 01:20:54,271 (SINGING) Here comes the bride 1164 01:20:55,063 --> 01:20:58,192 Big, fat and wide 1165 01:21:09,828 --> 01:21:11,496 Love the teapot. 1166 01:21:21,381 --> 01:21:23,133 Could you move over? 1167 01:21:26,887 --> 01:21:28,972 -Are you okay? You all right? -I gotta rest. 1168 01:21:29,056 --> 01:21:31,058 -Come on. Here we go. -What's the matter? 1169 01:21:31,099 --> 01:21:32,893 Here comes the bride. 1170 01:21:37,439 --> 01:21:39,816 Here we go. Okay. Come on. 1171 01:21:45,405 --> 01:21:46,573 Sorry. 1172 01:21:47,991 --> 01:21:49,743 I got it. I got it. 1173 01:21:54,623 --> 01:21:55,707 Hi. 1174 01:21:56,542 --> 01:21:57,918 I know you. 1175 01:22:00,170 --> 01:22:02,381 Can't see with this thing on. 1176 01:22:06,927 --> 01:22:09,304 I never went out with a freshman. 1177 01:22:10,180 --> 01:22:12,683 Not even when I was a freshman. 1178 01:22:12,766 --> 01:22:14,351 Me, either. 1179 01:22:14,434 --> 01:22:15,936 You were pretty crazy. 1180 01:22:17,437 --> 01:22:19,398 -I was? -Yeah. 1181 01:22:20,732 --> 01:22:22,025 But you know what I like best? 1182 01:22:22,776 --> 01:22:24,945 -My clean, close shave? -No. 1183 01:22:27,531 --> 01:22:29,241 Waking up in your arms. 1184 01:22:31,118 --> 01:22:32,619 These things? 1185 01:22:37,833 --> 01:22:39,084 Shit. 1186 01:22:39,126 --> 01:22:40,460 Jake. 1187 01:22:40,502 --> 01:22:41,712 Jake. 1188 01:22:44,381 --> 01:22:45,716 Holy shit. 1189 01:22:52,222 --> 01:22:54,808 -Stay here, okay? -Oh, my God. 1190 01:23:00,439 --> 01:23:01,732 I'm dead. 1191 01:23:02,274 --> 01:23:04,359 (CAR PHONE RINGING) 1192 01:23:11,366 --> 01:23:13,577 -Hello? -CLIFF: Ted. You never called us back. 1193 01:23:13,660 --> 01:23:15,329 What happened? 1194 01:23:15,370 --> 01:23:17,206 Look, Wease. I told you not to call me here. 1195 01:23:17,289 --> 01:23:19,583 Ted, we're dying. What happened? 1196 01:23:19,666 --> 01:23:21,210 You wanna know what happened? 1197 01:23:21,293 --> 01:23:22,503 -Buy the book. -Ted... 1198 01:23:30,511 --> 01:23:33,263 I'm really sorry about getting you mixed up with that guy. 1199 01:23:33,347 --> 01:23:34,848 Oh, it's okay. 1200 01:23:35,557 --> 01:23:37,267 It wasn't too terrible. 1201 01:23:37,476 --> 01:23:38,477 Weird? 1202 01:23:41,688 --> 01:23:43,774 I'm really sorry about last night. 1203 01:23:43,857 --> 01:23:45,192 The party. 1204 01:23:46,360 --> 01:23:47,903 Lots of things. 1205 01:23:51,990 --> 01:23:54,910 You know, neither one of us is gonna die 1206 01:23:56,328 --> 01:23:58,205 if it doesn't happen for us. 1207 01:23:59,081 --> 01:24:00,541 That's true. 1208 01:24:01,166 --> 01:24:03,293 I just don't know right now. 1209 01:24:03,377 --> 01:24:05,838 But I'm covered, okay? I won't get hurt. 1210 01:24:07,756 --> 01:24:08,882 Sure. 1211 01:24:11,885 --> 01:24:13,804 I'll leave it up to you. 1212 01:24:15,138 --> 01:24:16,223 Fine. 1213 01:25:01,101 --> 01:25:03,770 -WOMAN: Oh, my God. -Her veil. 1214 01:25:08,567 --> 01:25:09,568 (GLASS SHATTERING) 1215 01:25:32,466 --> 01:25:33,967 Come on, honey. 1216 01:25:36,303 --> 01:25:37,554 -Honey. -Let's go! 1217 01:25:37,638 --> 01:25:39,640 Come on. Here we go. 1218 01:25:40,432 --> 01:25:42,559 Get her in the back seat, Rudy. 1219 01:25:43,852 --> 01:25:45,270 Bon voyage! 1220 01:25:48,023 --> 01:25:50,025 -See you later. -Bye. 1221 01:25:50,108 --> 01:25:51,902 -Goodbye. -So long, kids. 1222 01:26:06,500 --> 01:26:09,920 Oh, hi. My sister forgot her veil. 1223 01:26:10,504 --> 01:26:13,257 I know she wouldn't want anything to happen to it. She's... 1224 01:26:13,340 --> 01:26:14,800 She's a little out of it. 1225 01:26:14,842 --> 01:26:16,343 Just a little bit. 1226 01:26:16,718 --> 01:26:19,346 Yeah. Well, excuse me. 1227 01:26:19,721 --> 01:26:22,850 Everybody's waiting for me. I wanna make sure I see my sister leave. 1228 01:26:23,058 --> 01:26:24,518 Goodbye. 1229 01:26:24,935 --> 01:26:25,936 Bye. 1230 01:26:27,020 --> 01:26:28,772 Oh, I need a drink. 1231 01:27:01,388 --> 01:27:02,389 Me? 1232 01:27:02,848 --> 01:27:04,099 Yeah, you. 1233 01:27:18,530 --> 01:27:19,656 -Hi. -Hi. 1234 01:27:19,740 --> 01:27:20,824 -Hi. -Hi. 1235 01:27:24,578 --> 01:27:25,662 What are you doing here? 1236 01:27:26,747 --> 01:27:27,915 I heard you were here. 1237 01:27:29,124 --> 01:27:30,959 You came here for me? 1238 01:27:31,752 --> 01:27:33,253 Is that okay? 1239 01:27:34,630 --> 01:27:35,756 Yeah, it's okay. 1240 01:27:36,673 --> 01:27:39,051 Do you have to go to the reception now? 1241 01:27:39,635 --> 01:27:41,261 I'm supposed to. 1242 01:27:42,346 --> 01:27:43,931 Can I call you later? 1243 01:27:44,223 --> 01:27:45,224 Sure. 1244 01:27:47,267 --> 01:27:48,519 I mean, no. 1245 01:27:51,897 --> 01:27:53,440 No, I can't call you later? 1246 01:27:53,482 --> 01:27:54,483 Yeah. 1247 01:27:56,026 --> 01:27:58,820 No, I mean I'm not going to the reception. 1248 01:28:00,906 --> 01:28:02,449 Oh. Great. 1249 01:28:16,880 --> 01:28:18,966 That's the boy! 1250 01:28:47,744 --> 01:28:50,163 Thanks for getting my undies back. 1251 01:28:50,706 --> 01:28:52,624 Thanks for coming over. 1252 01:28:53,417 --> 01:28:55,335 Thanks for coming to get me. 1253 01:28:57,713 --> 01:28:59,715 Happy birthday, Samantha. 1254 01:29:01,675 --> 01:29:03,093 Make a wish. 1255 01:29:06,138 --> 01:29:07,931 It already came true.