1 00:00:51,293 --> 00:00:53,587 Evenin' fell just like a star 2 00:00:55,214 --> 00:00:57,091 Left a trail behind 3 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:01,303 You spitted You slammed out the door 4 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:06,016 If this is love, we're crazy 5 00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,395 'Cause we fight like cats and dogs 6 00:01:10,563 --> 00:01:13,065 I just know there's got to be more 7 00:01:19,405 --> 00:01:21,323 Please call me, baby 8 00:01:23,325 --> 00:01:25,077 Wherever you are 9 00:01:26,036 --> 00:01:29,081 It's too cold to be out walkin' in the streets 10 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,336 We do crazy things when we're wounded 11 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,006 Everyone's pretty insane 12 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:43,137 I don't want you catchin' your death of cold 13 00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:46,557 Out walkin' in the rain 14 00:02:04,408 --> 00:02:06,702 I admit that I ain't no angel 15 00:02:07,578 --> 00:02:09,872 I admit that I ain't no saint 16 00:02:11,290 --> 00:02:14,126 I'm selfish and I'm cruel but you're blind 17 00:02:16,921 --> 00:02:18,923 If I exorcise my devils 18 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,509 Well, my angels may leave too 19 00:02:23,636 --> 00:02:26,430 When they leave they're so hard to find 20 00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,438 Please call me, baby 21 00:02:36,398 --> 00:02:38,150 Wherever you are 22 00:02:39,276 --> 00:02:42,321 It's too cold to be out walkin' in the streets 23 00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:47,451 We do crazy things when we're wounded 24 00:02:47,910 --> 00:02:49,995 Everyone's pretty insane 25 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:56,252 I don't want you catchin' your death of cold 26 00:02:57,503 --> 00:02:59,588 Out walkin' in the rain 27 00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,976 Answer me honestly. 28 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,354 If I was to tell you that I love you... 29 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:19,608 and that I'd throw it all away to be with you... 30 00:03:19,643 --> 00:03:21,860 w- what would you say to me? 31 00:03:22,528 --> 00:03:24,446 Good night, Paulie. 32 00:03:27,867 --> 00:03:30,828 Yep. Yep, that's about par for the evening. 33 00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:34,081 But what I want to see 34 00:03:35,958 --> 00:03:38,210 Is the way things used to be 35 00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:42,840 Between you and me 36 00:03:45,134 --> 00:03:47,261 The way things used to be 37 00:03:51,974 --> 00:03:53,642 Let me guess. 38 00:03:54,852 --> 00:03:58,856 Your old lady got fed up because you're out here chasing the skirt... 39 00:03:58,891 --> 00:04:01,817 so she took these little ones and left you. 40 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:05,870 It's a little more com- It's a little more complicated than that. 41 00:04:05,905 --> 00:04:09,450 Oh, yes, it always is. Everybody thinks their story is the one with the twist. 42 00:04:09,485 --> 00:04:12,453 But let me tell you, in my experience it's- 43 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:15,080 - Holy shit. - Exactly. 44 00:04:15,331 --> 00:04:18,959 - This I've got to hear. - No, look, uh, it's a long story. 45 00:04:18,994 --> 00:04:21,583 And I know you're ver- I know you're very busy... 46 00:04:21,618 --> 00:04:24,138 and I don't really feel like swapping stories... 47 00:04:24,173 --> 00:04:28,219 - Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, wait. - if you want to know the truth. 48 00:04:31,388 --> 00:04:32,681 Hmm? 49 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:38,687 Okay, now tell me, Father, how long has it been since your last drink? 50 00:04:41,232 --> 00:04:44,902 Um, it's been about a minute and a half since my last drink. 51 00:04:44,944 --> 00:04:47,655 Of course. Now, what about these kids? 52 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,700 Okay, um- 53 00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:56,247 - Well, you see the one on the right? - Mmm. 54 00:04:56,282 --> 00:04:58,791 - The cu- The cute one? - Mm-hmm. 55 00:04:58,826 --> 00:05:00,334 That's me. 56 00:05:01,877 --> 00:05:04,046 - That's very cute. - Brian Finn. 57 00:05:04,081 --> 00:05:05,756 Paulie Chopra. 58 00:05:06,257 --> 00:05:08,968 Okay, well- Now, you see this kid on the left? 59 00:05:09,003 --> 00:05:11,136 - Mmm. - That was my best friend Jake. 60 00:05:11,171 --> 00:05:13,354 - He's a priest too? - Jake? 61 00:05:13,389 --> 00:05:16,517 No, um, as it- as it turns out, Jake's a rabbi. 62 00:05:17,643 --> 00:05:20,694 Come on. A priest and a rabbi? I think I've heard this one. 63 00:05:20,729 --> 00:05:25,025 No, look, I've heard all those, and, trust me, you have not heard this one. 64 00:05:25,985 --> 00:05:30,072 Okay? So there's this priest and this rabbi, and they're best friends. 65 00:05:30,906 --> 00:05:32,616 Mmm. 66 00:05:32,617 --> 00:05:34,326 - But before they were a priest and a rabbi... 67 00:05:35,911 --> 00:05:37,913 they both knew this girl. 68 00:05:37,948 --> 00:05:39,915 - Ah, the girl. - Yeah. 69 00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:44,107 - Who's the girl? - That's Anna Reilly. 70 00:05:44,142 --> 00:05:46,881 Reilly? Let me guess. She became a nun? 71 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,551 Not quite. Not quite. 72 00:05:52,011 --> 00:05:56,098 See, we all met in the sixth grade at P.S. 84 right here in Manhattan. 73 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,980 I think I already knew Jake, and then we both met Anna. 74 00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,650 No, wait, you know what? Actually, I remember exactly how we met... 75 00:06:06,685 --> 00:06:10,279 'cause, well, it was sort of one of those defining moments. 76 00:06:13,199 --> 00:06:16,410 Well, after that we were pretty much inseparable. 77 00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:27,588 Now, Jake and I were definitely what you'd call "late bloomers. " 78 00:06:27,838 --> 00:06:30,758 And your average seventh-grade girl's attentions can be pretty fickle. 79 00:06:30,793 --> 00:06:33,802 But not Anna. Her loyalty to us was constant. 80 00:06:34,511 --> 00:06:37,563 Anna was the friend that every 13-year-old boy dreams of. 81 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:41,894 You know, that magical cross between Jonny Quest and Tatum O'Neal in Foxes. 82 00:06:45,522 --> 00:06:47,024 Yes! Yes! 83 00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:01,747 Yeah, we were some trio. Anna used to call us "two Micks and a Yid. " 84 00:07:01,782 --> 00:07:04,041 She was gonna make T-shirts. 85 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:07,092 You know, there's eight million people in New York... 86 00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,650 but when the three of us were together it felt 87 00:07:09,651 --> 00:07:12,174 like we were living on our own little island. 88 00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:15,261 But New York is an island. 89 00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:18,395 I'm trying to sprinkle a little fairy dust here. 90 00:07:18,430 --> 00:07:21,559 - I'm- I'm trying to tell a story. - I'm terribly sorry. 91 00:07:21,594 --> 00:07:24,770 - Continue. Go on. Sprinkle away. - Mm-hmm. Okay. 92 00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:28,065 Well, then disaster struck. 93 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:32,152 The summer after eighth grade, Anna's father got a job in California... 94 00:07:32,187 --> 00:07:34,697 and just like that, she was gone. 95 00:07:43,038 --> 00:07:47,001 Well, as for me and Jake, our friendship just got stronger and stronger. 96 00:07:47,036 --> 00:07:50,042 In most ways, we were like any other two kids in New York... 97 00:07:50,077 --> 00:07:53,048 but our relationship did have this one unusual component- 98 00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:55,881 we were fascinated with each other's religions. 99 00:07:55,916 --> 00:07:58,679 He showed me the secret rituals of Judaism... 100 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,772 and I let him in on the Catholic mysteries. 101 00:08:01,807 --> 00:08:05,144 Just remember: spectacles, testicles, watch, wallet. 102 00:08:15,779 --> 00:08:18,219 I bet you're wondering what makes two kids wanna 103 00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:20,659 become a priest and a rabbi in this day and age. 104 00:08:20,694 --> 00:08:23,746 Well, you know, people don't talk that much about a calling any more... 105 00:08:23,781 --> 00:08:25,921 but I just knew it was something I was supposed to do. 106 00:08:25,956 --> 00:08:28,396 And even way back then, everybody just seemed 107 00:08:28,397 --> 00:08:30,836 to feel good bringing their problems to me. 108 00:08:30,871 --> 00:08:33,923 My parents had basically given up on children when I came along... 109 00:08:33,958 --> 00:08:36,515 so my mother always called me her gift from God. 110 00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:39,011 That really stuck with me, and when I was eight I told 111 00:08:39,012 --> 00:08:41,472 her I had a feeling I was supposed to return the favour. 112 00:08:41,507 --> 00:08:43,480 She was so happy, she cried. 113 00:08:43,515 --> 00:08:47,269 My dad just wanted to know if working for God came with dental. 114 00:08:49,230 --> 00:08:53,234 Now, Jake's sense of a calling might not have gelled as early as mine. 115 00:08:53,484 --> 00:08:56,362 Religion was really more of a hobby for him at first. 116 00:08:56,397 --> 00:08:58,906 Got it. Got it. Need it. Need it. 117 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:03,077 Got it. Got it. Need it. Got it. 118 00:09:07,831 --> 00:09:10,132 Jake was just one of those special kids. you know. 119 00:09:10,167 --> 00:09:12,648 You know, he was smart, popular. Everything came easy to 120 00:09:12,649 --> 00:09:15,130 him. He just had that kind of aura about him. 121 00:09:15,506 --> 00:09:17,946 You took one look at this kid and you knew 122 00:09:17,947 --> 00:09:20,386 he could do anything he wanted with his life. 123 00:09:20,553 --> 00:09:24,438 Jake's family had been in the investment banking business for three generations. 124 00:09:24,473 --> 00:09:26,770 His father and his brother Ethan both tried to 125 00:09:26,771 --> 00:09:29,068 convince him to join them at the family firm. 126 00:09:29,103 --> 00:09:32,064 I think he gave it some serious thought, but in the end he 127 00:09:32,065 --> 00:09:35,025 decided he wanted to do something different with his life. 128 00:09:35,060 --> 00:09:39,154 When he made his decision to become a rabbi, he did it with great confidence and resolve. 129 00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:41,288 I don't want to listen to any of you! 130 00:09:41,323 --> 00:09:43,304 Jake and I went off to seminary the way other 131 00:09:43,305 --> 00:09:45,286 guys go off to the army or the Peace Corps. 132 00:09:45,321 --> 00:09:47,246 It was an adventure. 133 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:53,502 Newly ordained as masters of theology, we were both assigned back to New York City... 134 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:57,464 where we quickly confronted the practical aspects of our jobs. 135 00:10:23,157 --> 00:10:24,658 Oh! Jesus! 136 00:10:34,585 --> 00:10:38,464 And despite these early setbacks, we eventually found our groove. 137 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,674 - Take it nice and easy. Win 'em over slowly. Okay? 138 00:10:40,675 --> 00:10:42,509 Okay. 139 00:10:43,469 --> 00:10:45,269 Shabbat shalom, everyone. 140 00:10:45,304 --> 00:10:47,479 Before we get started, I want you all to do me a favour. 141 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,537 I want everybody in the back there to come on 142 00:10:49,538 --> 00:10:51,560 forward and fill up these first three rows here. 143 00:10:51,595 --> 00:10:55,189 Oh, guys, come on. Let's try one more time. Shabbat shalom! 144 00:10:56,273 --> 00:10:58,859 - Shabbat shalom! - Thank you, Mom. 145 00:10:59,276 --> 00:11:01,695 Ma'am, you in the back. Yes, you. Come on. 146 00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:04,079 God hates a solo artist, I promise you. 147 00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:06,742 We're gonna be the Fugees here this morning. No Lauryn Hills. 148 00:11:06,777 --> 00:11:09,293 Okay, my mom is the only person in the room... 149 00:11:09,328 --> 00:11:13,707 approximating the level of "Shabbat shalom" - iness that I think we can hit. 150 00:11:15,626 --> 00:11:20,130 Sir, you're leaving. Why- I- It's customary to sneak out after the Communion. 151 00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:23,300 Now, give me something I can work with, folks. Shabbat shalom! 152 00:11:23,335 --> 00:11:26,804 - Shabbat shalom! - All right! Now we're ready to daven! 153 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:31,690 I don't want to brag, but the word got out that there was a new act in town... 154 00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:36,397 and soon we were playing to the packed houses I always knew we'd been destined for. 155 00:11:38,399 --> 00:11:40,150 I know. I know! 156 00:11:44,655 --> 00:11:49,326 I- I- I know. But seriously, what is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah really about? 157 00:11:49,361 --> 00:11:52,371 - Anybody. Steve Posner. - Sexual perversion. 158 00:11:52,788 --> 00:11:57,376 Sexual perversion. Steve Posner's watching a little too much Spice Channel, okay. 159 00:11:57,418 --> 00:12:01,005 The Seven Deadly Sins. Who can name the Seven Deadly Sins? 160 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:08,846 People, it was a very popular film with Brad Pitt. You have the ultimate Cliff note. 161 00:12:09,805 --> 00:12:12,766 And Lot takes them in and he protects them. 162 00:12:13,851 --> 00:12:16,235 What happens next? Anybody. Ah. 163 00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:19,523 Greta Nussbaum, before she pulls her rotator cuff. 164 00:12:19,565 --> 00:12:21,942 God spares Lot and his family. 165 00:12:22,568 --> 00:12:26,322 Bingo! Two-week cruise for Greta! You're goin' to the Bahamas! 166 00:12:27,698 --> 00:12:29,929 You know, when you think about it... 167 00:12:29,964 --> 00:12:32,126 God is a lot like Blanche Du Bois. 168 00:12:32,161 --> 00:12:35,289 He's always relied on the kindness of strangers. 169 00:12:35,456 --> 00:12:38,834 And that's really what the story is about - it's about us taking care of each other. 170 00:12:38,869 --> 00:12:41,795 God relies on us to take care of each other. 171 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,277 The truth is, I don't really learn that much 172 00:12:44,278 --> 00:12:46,592 about your faith by asking questions like that... 173 00:12:46,627 --> 00:12:50,763 because those aren't really questions about faith, those are questions about religion. 174 00:12:50,798 --> 00:12:54,600 And it's very important to understand the difference between religion and faith. 175 00:12:54,635 --> 00:12:57,937 Because faith is not about having the right answers. 176 00:12:58,187 --> 00:13:01,232 Faith is a feeling. Faith is a hunch, really. 177 00:13:02,066 --> 00:13:05,903 It's a hunch that there is something bigger connecting it all... 178 00:13:06,779 --> 00:13:09,031 connecting us all together. 179 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,660 And that feeling, that hunch, is God. 180 00:13:15,287 --> 00:13:18,541 And coming here tonight, on your Sunday evening... 181 00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:22,461 to connect with that feeling, that is an act of faith. 182 00:13:23,629 --> 00:13:27,800 And so all I have to do is look around the room at this packed church... 183 00:13:28,509 --> 00:13:31,845 to know that we're doing pretty well as a community. 184 00:13:34,682 --> 00:13:37,768 Even if all of you failed my pop quiz miserably. 185 00:13:38,894 --> 00:13:40,521 Let us pray. 186 00:13:43,315 --> 00:13:45,984 Jake and I used to talk about how we needed to kick the 187 00:13:45,985 --> 00:13:48,654 dust off our faiths, bring 'em up to speed with the times. 188 00:13:48,689 --> 00:13:50,704 No more of the old routines. 189 00:13:50,739 --> 00:13:54,952 Jake said, "We're gonna give 'em an old-world God with a new-age spin. " 190 00:13:57,955 --> 00:13:59,171 Feel the prana. 191 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,423 Our first big idea was to turn this abandoned gay disco... 192 00:14:01,458 --> 00:14:05,296 into a joint Catholic-Jewish senior centre-slash-karaoke lounge. 193 00:14:05,921 --> 00:14:09,216 You know, sort of a Fiddler on the Roof meets Lord of the Dance... 194 00:14:09,251 --> 00:14:11,552 meets Buena Vista Social Club. 195 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,471 Not an easy idea to sell to some of the higher-ups... 196 00:14:14,506 --> 00:14:16,856 but that's what we lived for- to push the envelope. 197 00:14:16,891 --> 00:14:20,603 You know, we were gonna bring our religions into the 21 st century any way we could. 198 00:14:20,638 --> 00:14:23,689 We were gonna shove 'em a little, if we had to. 199 00:14:24,189 --> 00:14:26,254 Jake said we were gonna be like those young 200 00:14:26,255 --> 00:14:28,319 cops who come on the force and shake things up. 201 00:14:28,354 --> 00:14:30,487 You know- the God Squad. 202 00:14:39,163 --> 00:14:42,124 Well, it's just like the ocean under the moon 203 00:14:43,334 --> 00:14:46,629 Well, it's the same as the emotion that I have for you 204 00:14:47,796 --> 00:14:51,008 You got the kind of lovin' that can be so true, yeah 205 00:14:51,759 --> 00:14:54,261 So give me your heart Make it real 206 00:14:54,511 --> 00:14:56,555 Or else forget about it 207 00:14:58,682 --> 00:15:00,726 Or else forget about it 208 00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:04,813 Or else forget about it 209 00:15:04,855 --> 00:15:06,982 Come on, bring it. Nice. 210 00:15:09,068 --> 00:15:13,364 Oh. So Ben Lewis comes into my office this morning, tells me he's retiring. 211 00:15:13,656 --> 00:15:15,741 - Rabbi Lewis? - Yeah. 212 00:15:17,868 --> 00:15:20,044 - Wow, that's the end of an era. - I know. 213 00:15:20,079 --> 00:15:23,088 But that's exciting. How long before they give it over to you officially? 214 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:27,336 Well, I'm telling you, there are a few backwards thinkers on that board who just- 215 00:15:27,371 --> 00:15:29,512 They don't get what I do. You know? 216 00:15:29,547 --> 00:15:32,883 Plus, there's the whole thing about me being single. 217 00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:37,304 - Single? - Don't think that's not an issue. 218 00:15:37,763 --> 00:15:39,848 Wait a minute, wait a minute, are you seriously 219 00:15:39,849 --> 00:15:41,934 telling me that if you don't find a nice Jewish girl... 220 00:15:41,969 --> 00:15:44,902 and settle down in the next six months, they're not gonna give you this job? 221 00:15:44,937 --> 00:15:47,064 I'm seriously telling you that 222 00:15:47,065 --> 00:15:49,191 - that there's not been a bachelor head rabbi of B'Nai Ezra... 223 00:15:49,226 --> 00:15:51,819 since the beginning of the synagogue. 224 00:15:52,403 --> 00:15:54,036 - Wow. I mean- - I know. It's- 225 00:15:54,071 --> 00:15:56,991 You'd better start getting out there more. 226 00:15:57,074 --> 00:15:59,722 Tell me about it. It's embarrassing. 227 00:15:59,723 --> 00:16:02,371 - Okay, okay, but forget about that. You do want to meet somebody, right? 228 00:16:02,406 --> 00:16:04,828 No, I'm just saying that I want to meet somebody 229 00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:07,251 in a spontaneous and casual manner, that's all. 230 00:16:07,286 --> 00:16:10,337 - And it's almost impossible with me. - Why? I don't understand that. 231 00:16:10,372 --> 00:16:13,716 - Because I'm a rabbi. - Yes. Yes. What's your point? 232 00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:15,988 The point is that every time I go out with a 233 00:16:15,989 --> 00:16:17,344 woman I don't know if she likes me just for me... 234 00:16:17,379 --> 00:16:19,555 or because I'm Rabbi Jake. 235 00:16:20,389 --> 00:16:22,523 You know? There's a certain expectation. 236 00:16:22,558 --> 00:16:25,359 It's like, I can't go with my impulses. I have to- I don't know. 237 00:16:25,394 --> 00:16:28,779 Jews want their rabbis to be the kind of Jews that they don't have the time to be. 238 00:16:28,814 --> 00:16:30,670 Yeah, and Catholics want their priests to be the 239 00:16:30,671 --> 00:16:32,526 kind of people they don't have the discipline to be. 240 00:16:32,561 --> 00:16:35,529 - So, we knew this getting into it. - Right. 241 00:16:35,696 --> 00:16:37,990 Oh, no, man. Check this out. 242 00:16:38,032 --> 00:16:40,708 - God Squad in the house. - What's up, Shabazz? 243 00:16:40,743 --> 00:16:43,579 Okay, so, you gonna give it up, Rabbi, or are we gonna have to go through the motions? 244 00:16:43,614 --> 00:16:47,041 Get ready to say your prayers, my friends, 'cause I am in no mood today. 245 00:16:47,076 --> 00:16:49,710 - Watch your ass, Shabazz! - Come on 246 00:16:51,503 --> 00:16:53,172 Turn me loose 247 00:16:55,674 --> 00:16:57,426 Just turn it up 248 00:16:57,968 --> 00:17:00,095 Power to the people, y'all 249 00:17:00,221 --> 00:17:02,473 - Turn it loose, hey - Oh! 250 00:17:03,724 --> 00:17:04,940 Shake hands with the 8-0-8 251 00:17:04,975 --> 00:17:07,269 Like I said before PE got a brand new funk 252 00:17:07,304 --> 00:17:09,230 - Turn it up - Bye. 253 00:17:09,772 --> 00:17:11,815 - Good game, Shabazz. - Tell your mother I said "hi. " 254 00:17:11,850 --> 00:17:13,359 All right. 255 00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:17,154 Power to the people 256 00:17:20,491 --> 00:17:23,494 I gotta quit playing with those guys from Jewish Theological Seminary. 257 00:17:23,529 --> 00:17:25,663 It really lowers the bar. 258 00:17:26,705 --> 00:17:28,916 Oh, can I just say "oy"? 259 00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:31,794 Amen to your "oy. " 260 00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:36,590 - What happened to our youth? - I'm telling you, it ended at 30, pal. 261 00:17:36,625 --> 00:17:39,134 Oh, hey, speaking of our youth, I forgot to tell you something. 262 00:17:39,169 --> 00:17:41,470 - What? - This is big. Guess who called me. 263 00:17:41,505 --> 00:17:43,020 - Who? - Okay. 264 00:17:43,055 --> 00:17:47,101 Think about who is the coolest woman you and I have ever known, ever. 265 00:17:49,311 --> 00:17:51,814 That's easy. Anna Reilly, eighth grade. No question. 266 00:17:51,849 --> 00:17:53,857 - You got it. - What? 267 00:17:54,525 --> 00:17:55,866 - She called you? - Yeah. 268 00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:58,487 - Anna Reilly called you? - Yeah. Totally out of the blue. 269 00:17:58,522 --> 00:17:59,797 Why? 270 00:17:59,798 --> 00:18:01,073 - 'Cause she's coming to New York, uh, for work... 271 00:18:01,108 --> 00:18:02,741 and she wanted to get together with us. 272 00:18:02,776 --> 00:18:04,375 - She just looked me up. - Really? 273 00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:06,585 - Yeah. - Anna Reilly. What is she doing now? 274 00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:08,872 She... She's, like, analyzing synergies, or synergising 275 00:18:08,873 --> 00:18:11,125 analogies, or, or some such thing. 276 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:15,546 I couldn't follow it. She's, like, this very high-powered business- You know. 277 00:18:16,255 --> 00:18:18,264 - Woman? - Woman, yes. Thank you. 278 00:18:18,299 --> 00:18:21,531 - Wow. And you told her about us? - Yeah. She flipped, in a- in a good way. 279 00:18:21,566 --> 00:18:24,763 You know, I mean, she laughed for about ten minutes, but she was excited. 280 00:18:24,798 --> 00:18:27,308 - Man, that is so cool. - I know. 281 00:18:28,601 --> 00:18:30,895 I wonder why she called you. 282 00:18:31,604 --> 00:18:33,439 What do you mean? 283 00:18:33,689 --> 00:18:35,941 No, I mean, she called you. 284 00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:40,988 - What, are you in the eighth grade still? - What? That's a legitimate question. 285 00:18:41,023 --> 00:18:43,455 I just- I mean, we're both listed. 286 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:46,493 Finn before Schram, okay? You're ridiculous. 287 00:18:47,703 --> 00:18:50,289 That's a good point. Alphabetical. 288 00:19:00,257 --> 00:19:02,218 I think we should toss this. We look like idiots. 289 00:19:02,253 --> 00:19:04,518 - Shut up. We do not. - You shut up. 290 00:19:04,553 --> 00:19:07,118 You think she's changed? 291 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,683 - No, I bet she still weighs 88 pounds and listens to Leif Garrett. 292 00:19:10,309 --> 00:19:14,563 For the record, it's Leif. Long "A." Didn't you see the Behind the Music? 293 00:19:14,598 --> 00:19:17,813 Hey, come on, admit it. You're excited. This is gonna be great. 294 00:19:17,848 --> 00:19:21,028 The three of us hanging together again? I can't believe it. 295 00:19:23,906 --> 00:19:26,075 - Is that her? - No. No. 296 00:19:29,703 --> 00:19:30,996 Wow. 297 00:19:31,830 --> 00:19:33,832 - Hail Mary. - Mary. 298 00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:37,836 - Full of... something. - Full of something'. 299 00:19:40,422 --> 00:19:42,049 Hello, boys. 300 00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:46,783 I don't understand. 301 00:19:46,784 --> 00:19:49,056 - Well, basically, I'm like a plumber, except I fix leaky corporations. 302 00:19:49,091 --> 00:19:51,016 - Oh. - Jake Schram. 303 00:19:51,684 --> 00:19:53,817 - Yes. - How are you? Who are you? 304 00:19:53,852 --> 00:19:56,605 Tell me everything. Give me the 4-1-1. I wanna know. 305 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,197 - Well- - Job, girls, news. 306 00:19:58,232 --> 00:19:59,712 Oh, now, hey, come on, come on. I know him. I 307 00:19:59,713 --> 00:20:01,193 know him. Y-You start. Catch us up right now. 308 00:20:01,228 --> 00:20:04,196 - All right. Job is good. Really good. - Men. 309 00:20:04,488 --> 00:20:06,991 News: My parents are happy and retired. 310 00:20:07,026 --> 00:20:08,617 - And, uh- - Men? - I take yoga. 311 00:20:08,652 --> 00:20:10,115 - Men. - That's my life. 312 00:20:10,150 --> 00:20:11,544 - No. - Men. - Come on. 313 00:20:11,579 --> 00:20:14,373 - Don't cheat us. G-Give it up. - I don't- Relationships? Yada-ya- 314 00:20:14,408 --> 00:20:17,167 I don't have time for relationships. I work, like, 100 hours a week. 315 00:20:17,202 --> 00:20:19,552 - You guys have no idea. - Hey. Hey. 316 00:20:19,587 --> 00:20:24,300 - Excuse me. I think that we work pretty hard for a tough... - Yeah, working for the- 317 00:20:24,335 --> 00:20:26,392 - That's a... - boss. - full-time thing. 318 00:20:26,427 --> 00:20:28,992 No, I work harder than God. If He had, uh, hired 319 00:20:28,993 --> 00:20:31,557 .me, He would have made the world by Thursday 320 00:20:31,599 --> 00:20:34,581 Great. That's great. So you're saying that we're just never going to see you. 321 00:20:34,616 --> 00:20:37,563 - Is that- This is the big kiss-off. - No, for you guys I will make time. 322 00:20:37,598 --> 00:20:39,707 - Wow. I feel special. - That's my bag. 323 00:20:39,742 --> 00:20:41,782 - I got it. I got it. - I got it. I got it. 324 00:20:41,817 --> 00:20:44,653 - I got it. - I got it, man. I got- No, I got it. Let me- Let me- I-I can get it. 325 00:20:44,688 --> 00:20:46,322 Okay. Thanks. 326 00:20:47,406 --> 00:20:49,742 - You okay? - Yep- No- Go. 327 00:20:49,909 --> 00:20:52,974 Remember the names of some of those kids we went to school with? 328 00:20:53,009 --> 00:20:56,005 - Remember Aram Salaam? - Mm-hmm. His father was a diplomat, right? 329 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,604 He was always saying he couldn't get a parking 330 00:20:57,605 --> 00:20:59,168 ticket 'cause he had diplomatic immunity. 331 00:20:59,203 --> 00:21:01,879 - Remember Elan Portnoy? - Yeah, he was always complaining. 332 00:21:01,914 --> 00:21:04,089 He was always smoking pot. 333 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,986 - Hey, remember our shoplifting club? - Oh, yeah. 334 00:21:19,021 --> 00:21:22,649 - You had to steal something to be a member. - How about you with the basketball? 335 00:21:22,684 --> 00:21:26,278 Remember she stuck that basketball under her shirt, and you said you were pregnant? 336 00:21:26,313 --> 00:21:28,996 - I pulled it off. - Yeah, but you were twelve. 337 00:21:29,031 --> 00:21:33,118 Yeah, but it was New York, it was the '80s. You could get away with anything. 338 00:21:33,153 --> 00:21:35,044 - We should get home, right? - Huh? - Yeah, it's getting kinda late. 339 00:21:35,079 --> 00:21:36,768 We should take you back. 340 00:21:36,769 --> 00:21:38,457 - Well, I'm still on West Coast time. It's only 8:00 my time. 341 00:21:38,492 --> 00:21:40,501 Let's go do something. 342 00:21:44,171 --> 00:21:47,883 So this is a rectory. Sounds like a dirty word- "rectory. " 343 00:21:48,384 --> 00:21:50,559 - Great place to meet chicks. - Totally. 344 00:21:50,594 --> 00:21:53,646 Oh, I'll bet. So, what's your chick situation? 345 00:21:53,681 --> 00:21:57,059 Oh, uh, don't ask. It's, it's, it's not a good story. 346 00:21:57,601 --> 00:21:59,082 Why? 347 00:21:59,083 --> 00:22:00,563 - 'Cause his whole congregation's trying to set him up... 348 00:22:00,598 --> 00:22:02,446 and it makes him very uncomfortable. 349 00:22:02,481 --> 00:22:04,528 What's wrong with that? 350 00:22:04,529 --> 00:22:06,575 - There's a reason that pandas don't mate in captivity. 351 00:22:06,610 --> 00:22:08,862 What does that mean? 352 00:22:08,863 --> 00:22:11,115 - It means that all these mothers keep making these dates for me 353 00:22:11,150 --> 00:22:13,958 They're very intimidating. They're like the Kosher Nostra. 354 00:22:13,993 --> 00:22:15,953 Oh. 355 00:22:15,954 --> 00:22:17,913 - It's true. They're little women, but they're very determined. 356 00:22:17,948 --> 00:22:20,082 You get a little melodramatic about this, don't you think? 357 00:22:20,117 --> 00:22:22,251 Oh, yeah? Check this out. 358 00:22:22,459 --> 00:22:23,898 - I was faxed one of their daughter's resumes this morning. 359 00:22:23,899 --> 00:22:25,337 Get out. 360 00:22:25,372 --> 00:22:28,883 - Let me see that. "Ali Decker. " - Yeah. Look at the bottom. 361 00:22:28,918 --> 00:22:31,635 - Oh. She has a skills section. - Yes? 362 00:22:31,844 --> 00:22:34,638 Oh. You win. She put jogging as a skill. 363 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,773 See, she doesn't even know the difference between a hobby and a skill. 364 00:22:37,808 --> 00:22:39,372 - All right, well, maybe she's a skilled jogger. 365 00:22:39,373 --> 00:22:40,936 - I have to go on a date with this girl. 366 00:22:40,971 --> 00:22:43,737 - Why don't I just say no? - I don't know. Why don't you? 367 00:22:43,772 --> 00:22:47,359 Because I can't alienate these women. They- I need body count at the temple. 368 00:22:47,394 --> 00:22:49,612 Just relax. It'll be fine. 369 00:22:51,071 --> 00:22:53,741 Oh, God, please let this be painless. 370 00:22:55,034 --> 00:22:56,660 - Hi. - Hi. 371 00:22:56,702 --> 00:22:59,455 Right on time. I like that in a rabbi. 372 00:23:00,873 --> 00:23:04,043 Oh. Hey, this is a great place. This is really- 373 00:23:04,919 --> 00:23:06,886 - My lair. - really nice. 374 00:23:06,921 --> 00:23:09,548 - I'll be ready in a second. - A lot of space. 375 00:23:09,583 --> 00:23:11,926 I know. Thanks, Daddy. Right? 376 00:23:14,553 --> 00:23:16,180 You go, girl. 377 00:23:18,766 --> 00:23:20,517 No pain, no gain. 378 00:23:22,353 --> 00:23:25,314 Oh. Tuesdays with Morrie. I love that book. 379 00:23:35,741 --> 00:23:37,284 I'm ready. 380 00:23:38,994 --> 00:23:42,039 - Oh, do you, uh, do these tapes? - Are you kidding me? 381 00:23:42,074 --> 00:23:43,547 - No. - Are you kidding me? 382 00:23:43,582 --> 00:23:46,008 - Hmm. No. - These tapes are my life. 383 00:23:46,043 --> 00:23:49,338 Exercise is like a religion to me. No pun intended. 384 00:23:49,713 --> 00:23:52,466 - Feel my abs. Not bad, right? - Ouch. 385 00:23:54,260 --> 00:23:56,310 - Punch me. - Excuse me? 386 00:23:56,345 --> 00:23:59,515 - You heard me. - Um, I-I'm not gonna punch you. 387 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,435 I think you will find, Rabbi Schram, that this princess is no pushover. 388 00:24:03,470 --> 00:24:06,855 I can tell. And, hey, come on. Call me Jake. All right? 389 00:24:07,022 --> 00:24:10,192 Okay, let's get a few things straight here, Jake. 390 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,403 One: I like you a lot. 391 00:24:13,153 --> 00:24:16,844 And unless my radar is completely on the blink, I think you like me. 392 00:24:16,879 --> 00:24:20,536 - Well, I mean, we- we just met, but- - Two: I am many things. 393 00:24:20,571 --> 00:24:23,998 No one thing defines me. Are we clear about that, Jake? 394 00:24:24,832 --> 00:24:27,209 - Yes. - Then let me have it. 395 00:24:27,793 --> 00:24:29,593 - I'm not gonna punch you. - Punch me! 396 00:24:29,628 --> 00:24:32,346 - You're a girl. I'm not gonna punch you. - Hit me. I can take it. 397 00:24:32,381 --> 00:24:34,258 - I'm not scared. - I'm sure- I know you're not. I just- You're a girl, and- 398 00:24:34,293 --> 00:24:36,392 - What, are you some kind of wuss? - No, I'm not a wuss- 399 00:24:36,427 --> 00:24:40,389 - But I'm not gonna punch a- Oh. All right. - Little wuss, little wuss, 400 00:24:40,424 --> 00:24:42,224 Oh. Are you okay? 401 00:24:42,975 --> 00:24:46,061 - I'm fine. - You sure? - J-Just get my bag. 402 00:24:46,096 --> 00:24:49,148 - Okay. Uh, you said you could take it- - Fine! 403 00:24:50,608 --> 00:24:52,741 That's wonderful. Th-That headband's so cool. 404 00:24:52,776 --> 00:24:54,535 - Oh, I'm so glad you noticed. - Yeah. What is that? 405 00:24:54,570 --> 00:24:57,448 - It was- It was beaded by the mentally retarded. - Oh, really? 406 00:24:57,483 --> 00:24:58,412 Yes. 407 00:24:58,413 --> 00:24:59,342 - Really? 'Cause it looks really good, though. 408 00:24:59,377 --> 00:25:01,394 - Oh, n- Well, they're heavily supervised. - Uh-huh. 409 00:25:01,429 --> 00:25:03,546 - Th-They- - Yeah, but it really- i-it seems to- 410 00:25:03,581 --> 00:25:05,457 - I mean- - It goes together well, don't you feel? 411 00:25:05,492 --> 00:25:07,142 - Oh. - My God. Get a- - Oh, no, no. That's- 412 00:25:07,177 --> 00:25:08,757 - Get away from the table. - Whoa, no, no, no. 413 00:25:08,792 --> 00:25:09,939 Get out of here. 414 00:25:09,940 --> 00:25:11,086 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's okay. Hey. 415 00:25:11,121 --> 00:25:13,304 Hey, here, here, here. D- Don't- Don't- Here. 416 00:25:13,339 --> 00:25:15,549 - Thank you. Thank you. Have a nice day. - You're flushing it down the toilet. 417 00:25:15,584 --> 00:25:19,595 - Thank you. Don't- You don't wanna- - He's gonna spend it on booze. 418 00:25:25,392 --> 00:25:28,771 Well, I had a great time. Thank you. It was wonderful. 419 00:25:32,483 --> 00:25:34,235 Uh, good night. 420 00:25:35,903 --> 00:25:39,532 - Don't you want to come up, tuck me in? - I-I-I shouldn't. 421 00:25:40,824 --> 00:25:42,666 Believe me, you should. 422 00:25:42,701 --> 00:25:46,163 No, I can't. I-I- You're a congregant, and- You know? 423 00:25:47,957 --> 00:25:50,793 I'm telling you, you can. I want you to. 424 00:25:52,711 --> 00:25:54,838 I- I- I would love to. 425 00:25:55,172 --> 00:25:58,676 I just- I-I have a- I got a- I have a friend at home. 426 00:25:58,717 --> 00:26:01,345 - A friend? - A male friend. A guy. 427 00:26:02,930 --> 00:26:04,807 A dog. A male dog. 428 00:26:06,350 --> 00:26:09,276 - A beautiful puppy named Pinchas. - Pooch can wait. 429 00:26:09,311 --> 00:26:12,488 - No, no, no, he's a Rottweiler. - Just come up for a minute or two or three. 430 00:26:12,523 --> 00:26:14,817 No, no, no, no! No! Don't! Don't. No, listen 431 00:26:14,818 --> 00:26:17,111 to me. This dog is a codependent little puppy. 432 00:26:17,146 --> 00:26:20,865 He needs my help, or else he'll go to the bathroom over everything. He does it. 433 00:26:20,900 --> 00:26:22,998 Well, send me the cleaning bill. Get outta here. 434 00:26:23,033 --> 00:26:25,097 - No, no, no. Don't get out. No, stay. I- I would- 435 00:26:25,098 --> 00:26:27,162 It's not gonna- - You are making me crazy, Rabbi. 436 00:26:27,197 --> 00:26:29,832 - You're making me so- No. No. - Just come on. Just come up for me. 437 00:26:29,867 --> 00:26:32,299 - Come on! For a minute! - I can't! 438 00:26:32,334 --> 00:26:35,212 - Just come on! - Aah! Are you okay? Good! 439 00:26:36,255 --> 00:26:38,424 - Oh, wow. - Go! Go! Go! 440 00:26:38,549 --> 00:26:40,446 Hey! Hey! 441 00:26:40,447 --> 00:26:42,344 - Thanks! I had a wonderful time! See you in shul! 442 00:27:23,844 --> 00:27:27,431 You're not playing games with me, are you, Phil? You sure? 443 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,726 Okay, 'cause you know better than that, right? 444 00:27:30,935 --> 00:27:35,105 Okay. Well, if those results are correct, then I, uh, say we have a deal. 445 00:27:36,232 --> 00:27:39,777 Of course, I'll expect it in writing by the end of the day. 446 00:27:40,277 --> 00:27:43,656 Yes, by the end of the day, Phil. What, did I stutter? 447 00:27:44,949 --> 00:27:48,244 All right, Phil, you know what? I don't have time for this, okay? 448 00:27:48,279 --> 00:27:50,871 Gotta go, Phil. Gotta go, gotta go. 449 00:27:52,581 --> 00:27:53,999 No way. 450 00:27:57,086 --> 00:27:58,837 Oh, yeah, baby. 451 00:28:17,231 --> 00:28:20,776 Okay, okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Take a break. Take a break. 452 00:28:20,811 --> 00:28:23,609 I suck. They're gonna take away my yarmulke. 453 00:28:23,644 --> 00:28:26,407 - No, no, no, you- you don't suck. - I suck. 454 00:28:27,449 --> 00:28:29,743 Okay. Yes, you do. You suck. 455 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:33,747 But that's okay. You're supposed to suck. This 456 00:28:33,748 --> 00:28:36,375 isn't a talent contest, this is a rite of passage. 457 00:28:36,584 --> 00:28:40,337 I mean, this happens in all cultures. It's about you being 13 years old. 458 00:28:40,372 --> 00:28:42,513 God knew that your voice was gonna change when you were 13. 459 00:28:42,548 --> 00:28:46,698 There's a reason why you gotta do your haftorah at this age. It's a challenge. 460 00:28:46,733 --> 00:28:50,813 God is challenging you. He's calling you a chump. So you gotta come back at him. 461 00:28:50,848 --> 00:28:53,475 So you gotta say, "Hey, hashem, you think You 462 00:28:53,476 --> 00:28:56,103 can scare me with a little, uh, biblical Hebrew... 463 00:28:56,395 --> 00:28:58,237 just 'cause my balls haven't dropped yet?" 464 00:28:58,272 --> 00:29:01,692 I'm serious. I'm serious. You gotta show Him what Alan Klein's made of. 465 00:29:01,727 --> 00:29:04,153 - How? - By sucking with style. 466 00:29:04,486 --> 00:29:07,990 Embrace the suckiness. Just say, "I love that I suck. " 467 00:29:08,741 --> 00:29:11,702 - I love that I suck. - Good, but own it. Say it. 468 00:29:11,737 --> 00:29:14,663 - I love that I suck. - I love that I suck! 469 00:29:14,705 --> 00:29:16,999 - I love that I suck. - I love that I suck. Good. Good. 470 00:29:17,034 --> 00:29:19,293 - You play. I love that I suck. - I love that I suck. 471 00:29:19,328 --> 00:29:21,594 - Keep going with that. - I love that I suck. 472 00:29:21,629 --> 00:29:24,173 - Okay, good. I'll see you next week. Hello? - I love that I suck. I love that I suck. 473 00:29:24,208 --> 00:29:27,193 - Hello? - I love that I suck. I love that I suck. - You suck. You can do it. 474 00:29:27,228 --> 00:29:28,703 Hey, Anna? 475 00:29:28,704 --> 00:29:30,179 - I thought I got the Tony Robbins hot line there by mistake. 476 00:29:30,214 --> 00:29:32,396 Sorry. I just was, uh, finishing up. How you doin'? 477 00:29:32,431 --> 00:29:34,940 - I called to see how the big date went. - That's so funny. 478 00:29:34,975 --> 00:29:36,914 I had an impulse to call you last night, and 479 00:29:36,915 --> 00:29:38,854 then I didn't 'cause I thought it'd be too late. 480 00:29:38,889 --> 00:29:41,607 You should have. I was stuck here barking at Los Angeles. 481 00:29:41,642 --> 00:29:43,901 - Really. - So, how'd it go? 482 00:29:45,819 --> 00:29:49,740 Um, mostly horrible, with a few brief moments of excruciating agony. 483 00:29:50,366 --> 00:29:53,911 - But at least it was long. - lam so sorry. What a waste. 484 00:29:53,994 --> 00:29:56,267 People should have to qualify to go out with 485 00:29:56,268 --> 00:29:58,541 you. You're too precious to be on the open market. 486 00:29:58,576 --> 00:30:01,544 - That's what I try to tell them. - See? They should listen to you. 487 00:30:01,579 --> 00:30:04,505 You're the best. You know that? If only you were Jewish. 488 00:30:04,540 --> 00:30:06,799 Yeah, well, nobody's perfect. 489 00:30:08,259 --> 00:30:10,219 So, what'd you wear? 490 00:30:10,511 --> 00:30:11,845 What? 491 00:30:12,721 --> 00:30:15,439 I'm not gonna tell you what I wore on my date. Why should I do that? 492 00:30:15,474 --> 00:30:19,687 I wanna get an image of a young rabbi on the prowl. What's your game, man? 493 00:30:19,937 --> 00:30:22,731 All right. Navy blue button-down shirt. 494 00:30:23,399 --> 00:30:25,407 Mmm. It's a good colour for your eyes. 495 00:30:25,442 --> 00:30:28,028 - Navy blue pinstripe suit. - I can picture that. 496 00:30:28,063 --> 00:30:30,531 Tasteful, yet with a quiet power. 497 00:30:31,323 --> 00:30:33,617 That's me. Chic but with a quiet power. 498 00:30:33,652 --> 00:30:34,994 Shoes? 499 00:30:35,828 --> 00:30:38,163 Black, Kenneth Cole, leather. 500 00:30:39,248 --> 00:30:40,583 Size? 501 00:30:41,667 --> 00:30:43,335 - Big. - Ow! 502 00:30:44,420 --> 00:30:47,026 Wanna hear about the special knot in my tie? 503 00:30:47,061 --> 00:30:49,633 Oh, baby, no. We gotta save room for dessert. 504 00:30:51,635 --> 00:30:54,471 - Don't give up hope. Okay? - I'll keep it alive. 505 00:30:54,506 --> 00:30:57,141 That's right. Goodbye, Mr Sharp-Dressed Man. 506 00:30:57,176 --> 00:30:58,601 Bye-bye. 507 00:31:11,906 --> 00:31:13,407 Ah, nice. 508 00:31:25,711 --> 00:31:29,089 I have a friend here I thought you might want to see. 509 00:31:31,258 --> 00:31:34,887 Will you now please turn to page 508 for "Ein Keloheinu"? 510 00:31:36,513 --> 00:31:39,148 I'm sorry, Raphae. Just hang on one second here. 511 00:31:39,183 --> 00:31:42,061 Guys, I gotta just say this before we do this again... 512 00:31:42,096 --> 00:31:44,768 because it's really been bothering me. 513 00:31:44,803 --> 00:31:47,441 "Ein Keloheinu. " It's a joyous song. 514 00:31:48,526 --> 00:31:51,362 It's a prayer about praising the Lord... 515 00:31:51,695 --> 00:31:54,782 telling the Lord how much we love Him, or Her. 516 00:31:55,533 --> 00:31:57,618 But no matter what I do, I can't seem to be able 517 00:31:57,619 --> 00:31:59,703 to get you folks to sing it with any feeling. 518 00:31:59,738 --> 00:32:02,873 I mean, I brought in the band. That didn't work. 519 00:32:04,500 --> 00:32:06,759 I brought in my bongos last week. 520 00:32:06,794 --> 00:32:10,089 I think we can all agree that was a backwards step. 521 00:32:11,757 --> 00:32:15,553 So this morning I've decided to bring in a little outside help. 522 00:32:16,220 --> 00:32:18,138 Maury, if you would. 523 00:32:30,109 --> 00:32:33,779 You can even sing along! Come on! Have a little fun with it! 524 00:32:39,577 --> 00:32:43,497 That's right! Get up! Get those butts out of those chairs! Come on! 525 00:32:46,458 --> 00:32:48,502 Up in the cheap seats! 526 00:32:49,253 --> 00:32:52,381 I can't hear you up there! Sing it out! Come on! 527 00:32:54,258 --> 00:32:55,718 Over 70! 528 00:32:57,177 --> 00:32:59,430 Come on! All the young Jews! 529 00:33:08,856 --> 00:33:11,734 Hey! Congratulations! You were wonderful! 530 00:33:11,901 --> 00:33:13,951 - Great job! - Rabbi! Rabbi! 531 00:33:13,986 --> 00:33:16,739 This is my daughter. Isn't she lovely? 532 00:33:28,042 --> 00:33:30,050 This is astonishing. This is a shul. 533 00:33:30,085 --> 00:33:33,776 This is a house of worship. Do you know what my grandfather would do if he saw this? 534 00:33:33,811 --> 00:33:35,639 This is my daughter Ruthie. She's in 535 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:37,468 college. She's going to be a physiotherapist. 536 00:33:37,503 --> 00:33:39,560 What a shaineh maidel you are. Look at this. 537 00:33:39,595 --> 00:33:42,181 Oh, Rabbi, you're so wonderful. You know my daughter Hillary. 538 00:33:42,216 --> 00:33:44,475 Mom, don't embarrass me. Hi. 539 00:33:52,858 --> 00:33:56,654 Jake, Bonnie Rose. I don't think you've met my daughter Rachel. 540 00:33:56,820 --> 00:33:58,822 - Hi, Jake. - Oh! Hi. 541 00:33:59,448 --> 00:34:01,582 This is exciting. We don't get a lot of celebrities in here. 542 00:34:01,617 --> 00:34:04,119 One time, once, when I was really young, we had, 543 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,622 uh- Bella Abzug showed up for a bris, but that was- 544 00:34:06,657 --> 00:34:09,875 Well, I've heard so much about you, I had to come and see for myself. 545 00:34:09,910 --> 00:34:12,249 - The service was wonderful. - Oh- 546 00:34:12,284 --> 00:34:14,588 You were really, really wonderful. 547 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,986 Well, we're all certainly aware of your successes. 548 00:34:17,021 --> 00:34:19,093 You know, she just moved to network prime time. 549 00:34:19,128 --> 00:34:21,185 Ooh, look at that. We got in a live feed. 550 00:34:21,220 --> 00:34:24,431 - Well, my mom does all my PR. - I know what you mean. Mine too. 551 00:34:24,466 --> 00:34:26,684 No, I mean really. My mother's firm does all my PR. 552 00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:28,853 - Jake, I'm at PMK. - Oh. 553 00:34:28,894 --> 00:34:31,654 - We got her special correspondent. - Great. 554 00:34:31,689 --> 00:34:34,275 You know, she just got back from interviewing Arafat. 555 00:34:34,310 --> 00:34:36,325 - Yassir? - In Arabic. 556 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:39,530 - That's great. I didn't know that. - Jake, what you don't know is a lot. 557 00:34:39,565 --> 00:34:41,824 You two should get together. 558 00:34:42,283 --> 00:34:44,743 - Sure. - I'm free on Thursday. 559 00:34:45,035 --> 00:34:47,670 Thursday. That's- That's fine- That's great. 560 00:34:47,705 --> 00:34:49,248 Okay. 561 00:34:49,249 --> 00:34:50,791 - Okay, great. Well, nice to see you, Bonnie. 562 00:34:50,826 --> 00:34:52,626 Rabbi. Wonderful. 563 00:34:54,712 --> 00:34:58,716 - This is Hillary- - Oh! This is- This is the man you were telling- Right. Yes, sir. 564 00:34:58,751 --> 00:35:02,511 Well, I appreciate what you did for us in the war, I really do. 565 00:35:04,263 --> 00:35:08,183 - How upset are they? - Let's just say they're less than thrilled. 566 00:35:08,267 --> 00:35:12,438 - To be honest, we're less than thrilled. - Okay, with what, specifically? 567 00:35:12,479 --> 00:35:14,607 With what, specifically? 568 00:35:14,690 --> 00:35:17,234 Well, with guided meditation, specifically. 569 00:35:17,269 --> 00:35:19,743 With stand-up comedy sermons, specifically. 570 00:35:19,778 --> 00:35:23,157 With your loose, improvisational style, specifically. 571 00:35:23,407 --> 00:35:25,617 Okay, with people actually enjoying services? People 572 00:35:25,618 --> 00:35:27,828 People showing up at all? 573 00:35:27,863 --> 00:35:30,629 To be serenaded by the Harlem-freaking-Gospel Choir? 574 00:35:30,664 --> 00:35:34,251 - At least they were praying. - It was a hell of an "Ein Keloheinu, " Lar. 575 00:35:34,286 --> 00:35:36,837 - It's not kosher, Rabbi Lewis! - Larry, what does that mean? 576 00:35:36,872 --> 00:35:39,632 I have to tell you what kosher means? Study your gemara! 577 00:35:39,667 --> 00:35:42,569 I mean, is this you too? Do you feel the same way? 578 00:35:42,604 --> 00:35:45,471 It's not your ideas. Your ideas are very good. 579 00:35:46,305 --> 00:35:49,224 But sometimes you're a little aggressive in the execution. 580 00:35:49,259 --> 00:35:52,144 Yeah, but, Ben, come on! I mean, I mean, it was working! 581 00:35:52,179 --> 00:35:54,195 I know, I know, I know, I know. 582 00:35:54,230 --> 00:35:56,047 - You like to shake things up, and that's good. 583 00:35:56,048 --> 00:35:57,865 When it works, yeah. 584 00:35:57,900 --> 00:36:00,423 But you have to appreciate the fact that a lot 585 00:36:00,424 --> 00:36:02,947 of people come here for a sense of continuity. 586 00:36:03,697 --> 00:36:07,117 It's not just the board. I- It's your congregation, Jake. 587 00:36:08,035 --> 00:36:12,206 Mrs- Mrs Katz likes to sing the "Ein Keloheinu" the way she knows it. 588 00:36:12,540 --> 00:36:15,090 - Tradition is not old habit. - All right, I'm- I'm- 589 00:36:15,125 --> 00:36:17,336 - No. It's comforting to people. - Okay, but 590 00:36:17,337 --> 00:36:19,547 I'm not interested i- in baby-sitting Mrs Katz. 591 00:36:19,582 --> 00:36:22,264 I- I wanna- I wanna push people to grow and expand. 592 00:36:22,299 --> 00:36:25,302 - Otherwise, what are we doing? - I know, I know, I know. 593 00:36:25,337 --> 00:36:27,561 But you have to be patient with them. 594 00:36:27,596 --> 00:36:30,432 I think you'll get a- you'll find that people will go a lot farther... 595 00:36:30,467 --> 00:36:33,811 if you- if they feel they're being led and not pushed. 596 00:36:37,189 --> 00:36:40,109 Good for you, Anna. Oh, I'm so proud of you. 597 00:36:40,276 --> 00:36:42,701 No more of this "woman behind the man" shit. 598 00:36:42,736 --> 00:36:46,323 Half the men I know are completely unworthy of the opportunities they've had. 599 00:36:46,358 --> 00:36:49,083 You know, as a woman on your own, trying to make your mark... 600 00:36:49,118 --> 00:36:52,628 what do you do with that victory energy at the end of the day, you know? 601 00:36:52,663 --> 00:36:54,748 - I mean, don't you want someone to share it with? 602 00:36:54,749 --> 00:36:56,834 Well, do what they do. Take lovers. 603 00:36:56,869 --> 00:36:59,503 - I've had more dates than Jake. - Mom. 604 00:36:59,538 --> 00:37:00,970 It's true. 605 00:37:01,005 --> 00:37:04,884 And when lovers bore, which they will, sublimate. I take classes. 606 00:37:06,302 --> 00:37:09,346 Me too. I'm addicted to it. What's your favourite? 607 00:37:09,381 --> 00:37:11,230 - Kabbalah. You? - Kickboxing. 608 00:37:11,265 --> 00:37:14,977 Oh, I used to take kickboxing, but I don't know, I found it too high-impact. 609 00:37:15,012 --> 00:37:18,206 So I take Tae-Bo now. It's doubled my energy. You really ought to try it. 610 00:37:18,241 --> 00:37:21,400 - Yeah. I need that high impact though. - Yeah, I know what you mean. 611 00:37:21,435 --> 00:37:24,778 - I take Native American drumming. - You take Tae-Bo? 612 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,908 Oh, look at those pomegranates, huh? 613 00:37:29,116 --> 00:37:30,367 Oh. 614 00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:36,207 Oh, Our Lady's Bedstraw. The most poetic herb. 615 00:37:38,250 --> 00:37:41,670 All right, now over to you. Anybody new in your life I should know about? 616 00:37:41,705 --> 00:37:44,513 Wow, 20 minutes. I can't believe we made it this far. 617 00:37:44,548 --> 00:37:47,905 It's my God-given right to check. Now, what about that Shapiro girl? 618 00:37:47,940 --> 00:37:49,563 - Oh, no, not the Shapiro girl again, please. 619 00:37:49,564 --> 00:37:51,186 Why? She was a looker. 620 00:37:51,221 --> 00:37:52,827 - That wasn't the problem. The problem was here. 621 00:37:52,828 --> 00:37:54,433 What, bad skin? 622 00:37:54,468 --> 00:37:56,525 - No, not bad skin. - What? 623 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,854 Okay, all right, you want an example? I take her out to 624 00:37:58,855 --> 00:38:01,148 dinner, I order dessert, she says she doesn't want any. 625 00:38:01,183 --> 00:38:03,532 So I get pecan pie. She asks me for a bite. 626 00:38:03,567 --> 00:38:05,951 I give her a bite. Her face swells up like a chipmunk. 627 00:38:05,986 --> 00:38:09,365 She looks at me and she goes, "Oh, my God, are there nuts in this?" 628 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,992 - So what? - Mom, it was pecan pie. 629 00:38:12,201 --> 00:38:13,660 - Oh, there must be somebody for you. Come on. 630 00:38:13,661 --> 00:38:15,120 Oh, no, I don't even want 631 00:38:15,155 --> 00:38:17,331 - Oh, come on. Tell her. - I don't want to talk about it. 632 00:38:17,366 --> 00:38:20,459 - He's got a very hot prospect. - Oh? Who? Who? 633 00:38:20,626 --> 00:38:24,380 Rachel Rose! Okay? Rachel Rose. That's who I'm going out with. 634 00:38:24,588 --> 00:38:27,508 - ABC Rachel Rose? - Yes, ABC Rachel Rose. 635 00:38:28,300 --> 00:38:30,948 Well, I think I could be in-laws with ABC Rachel 636 00:38:30,949 --> 00:38:33,597 Rose. Hmm? Peter Jennings would be at the wedding! 637 00:38:34,181 --> 00:38:36,725 Hey, hey, speaking of in-laws, Ethan and Jackie took 638 00:38:36,726 --> 00:38:39,270 me to see her mom's new play, and it was hilarious. 639 00:38:39,305 --> 00:38:41,438 - How is Ethan? - He's great. He just got a promotion. 640 00:38:41,473 --> 00:38:43,649 He's a vice president now. 641 00:38:44,859 --> 00:38:47,653 - They gave him Dad's old office. - Oh. 642 00:38:48,070 --> 00:38:50,781 How nice. I gotta hear this from you. 643 00:38:50,990 --> 00:38:54,994 - Hey, maybe if you called and congratulated him- - I don't want to talk about it. 644 00:38:55,029 --> 00:38:58,873 - Mom, he would be so happy to hear from you. Just- - Please, Jake, please. 645 00:38:58,908 --> 00:39:02,126 Don't spoil this, huh? I got you. I'm proud of you. 646 00:39:02,376 --> 00:39:06,589 I got this beautiful garden. I've reconnected with this great old friend. 647 00:39:06,714 --> 00:39:09,884 Let's just hold hands and breathe, hmm? Together. 648 00:39:14,054 --> 00:39:16,188 - You're not breathing, Jake. - I'm breathing. 649 00:39:16,223 --> 00:39:20,227 - I don't hear you breathing. - I don't breathe audibly, but I breathe. 650 00:39:27,818 --> 00:39:29,695 - Mm-hmm? - Whoo. 651 00:39:56,555 --> 00:39:59,023 All right, you know what? I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. 652 00:39:59,058 --> 00:40:01,049 - I've gotta go. Yes, I've gotta go. - I gotta 653 00:40:01,050 --> 00:40:03,041 go. Really gotta go. - All right, all right. Hi. 654 00:40:03,076 --> 00:40:05,050 - Why don't you just have that thing implanted in your ear? 655 00:40:05,051 --> 00:40:07,024 Oh, I'll be top on the list. 656 00:40:07,775 --> 00:40:10,493 - Beep-beep! - Oh- Oh. - Hello, young sir! 657 00:40:10,528 --> 00:40:12,324 Hello, Radioman. 658 00:40:12,325 --> 00:40:14,121 - I feel like I'm in The Godfather. Look at you. 659 00:40:14,156 --> 00:40:16,512 Yeah, well, you know, I'm God's consigliere. You 660 00:40:16,513 --> 00:40:18,869 gotta go through me to get to Him, so I'm very popular. 661 00:40:18,904 --> 00:40:20,996 Oh, whoa. Children. Hey. 662 00:40:39,890 --> 00:40:42,768 I totally forget how amazing New York is. 663 00:40:43,853 --> 00:40:47,606 I know. You know, I think whoever said it, it was really true. 664 00:40:47,898 --> 00:40:50,525 The true New Yorkers understand that people living 665 00:40:50,526 --> 00:40:53,153 anywhere else must be, in some sense, kidding. 666 00:41:01,412 --> 00:41:04,874 - Can I ask you a question? - Yeah, obviously. Anything. 667 00:41:05,457 --> 00:41:07,376 It's personal, so- 668 00:41:08,335 --> 00:41:10,045 - Okay, wait a second. Are we gonna have the 669 00:41:10,046 --> 00:41:11,755 sex talk here? Is that what this is gonna be? 670 00:41:11,790 --> 00:41:14,592 You're my friend, and I wanna know how this works for you. 671 00:41:14,627 --> 00:41:16,684 - It's fine. Fire away. - Really? - "Really?" 672 00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:18,929 - No- Okay. Okay. - Yeah, no, come on. Come on. I know you got a list. 673 00:41:18,964 --> 00:41:20,723 - Okay. - Okay. 674 00:41:21,432 --> 00:41:24,185 - Well, you don't, right? - No. Right. 675 00:41:25,102 --> 00:41:27,062 - At all. - At all. 676 00:41:28,105 --> 00:41:29,982 So, have you ever? 677 00:41:31,650 --> 00:41:33,993 - Yes! - Had sex? - Yes. 678 00:41:34,028 --> 00:41:36,947 - With women. - Yes. - So you're not gay? 679 00:41:36,982 --> 00:41:39,248 - Oh, no. No. - Are you sure? 680 00:41:39,283 --> 00:41:42,203 Yes, but even if I was, the rules are the same. 681 00:41:42,238 --> 00:41:44,038 - Okay. - Right. 682 00:41:44,580 --> 00:41:47,875 - Do you miss it? - No. - Are you tempted? 683 00:41:48,209 --> 00:41:49,835 - Oh, admit it. If they changed the rules, you'd be psyched. 684 00:41:49,836 --> 00:41:51,462 I don't even think about it. 685 00:41:51,497 --> 00:41:54,138 - Do you fantasize? - I have dreams sometimes, but not really. 686 00:41:54,173 --> 00:41:55,886 - How is that possible? - What, specifically? 687 00:41:55,887 --> 00:41:57,600 I've seen the way women look at you. 688 00:41:57,635 --> 00:41:59,470 - Even though they know you're a priest. Especially when they know, actually. 689 00:41:59,471 --> 00:42:01,305 I'm not blind, okay? 690 00:42:01,340 --> 00:42:05,184 - Okay, so how do you deal with that? - It's not an issue for me. 691 00:42:06,894 --> 00:42:10,689 - It's really not. It's not- - Really? - Yeah, I'm past that point. It's- 692 00:42:10,724 --> 00:42:13,908 I'm completely committed to what I do. I really am. 693 00:42:13,943 --> 00:42:17,947 To my work, to ministering to people. It defines me completely as a person. 694 00:42:17,982 --> 00:42:21,492 - A-And it fulfills me. You know? I'm very happy. - Hmm. 695 00:42:21,659 --> 00:42:23,994 And, and that, that particular sacrifice is 696 00:42:23,995 --> 00:42:26,330 - It's a gesture. It's a symbol of my commitment. 697 00:42:26,365 --> 00:42:29,298 - That's quite a gesture. - Yeah, I know it seems that way. 698 00:42:29,333 --> 00:42:31,335 But, you know, I 699 00:42:31,336 --> 00:42:33,337 - It's like when people quit smoking, and, and the first year is really tough... 700 00:42:33,372 --> 00:42:36,430 and then people can light up right in front of you and it doesn't even bother you. 701 00:42:36,465 --> 00:42:37,945 I quit smoking two years ago. When people smoke 702 00:42:37,946 --> 00:42:39,426 in front of me, I want to French-kiss them... 703 00:42:39,461 --> 00:42:42,137 just to suck the smoke out of their lungs, okay? 704 00:42:42,172 --> 00:42:44,848 - Well, don't be a priest. - I- God! 705 00:42:45,266 --> 00:42:47,726 I really admire your commitment. 706 00:42:48,269 --> 00:42:50,444 - Well- - I don't think I could take it. 707 00:42:50,479 --> 00:42:53,398 You've given up all kinds of things for what you do. You- 708 00:42:53,433 --> 00:42:56,318 Yeah, but there comes a point where I just crave contact. 709 00:42:57,736 --> 00:43:01,198 You know? Like, I-I wanna touch someone and be touched. 710 00:43:04,368 --> 00:43:06,287 Oh, you're amazing. 711 00:43:07,788 --> 00:43:10,082 - Thanks. - You're welcome. 712 00:43:13,168 --> 00:43:15,754 - Thus endeth the sex conversation? - Thus endeth. 713 00:43:15,789 --> 00:43:17,089 Okay. 714 00:43:19,174 --> 00:43:22,595 I bet no one ever asks the Dalai Lama these questions. 715 00:43:29,018 --> 00:43:31,854 You know what? Len, don't argue with me. 716 00:43:32,229 --> 00:43:35,316 Look, I have it right here in front of me, and it's not right. 717 00:43:35,351 --> 00:43:37,985 I'll be back in the office in an hour. Run it again. 718 00:43:38,020 --> 00:43:40,404 God, I hate these Harvard guys. 719 00:43:41,238 --> 00:43:43,073 Mmm! Rachel Rose. 720 00:43:44,074 --> 00:43:46,125 - Mmm. - Yeah. When's that going down? 721 00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,711 - Thursday. - Thursday night, 8:00 p. m. dinner. 722 00:43:48,746 --> 00:43:52,249 - Are you excited? - Yeah. I have a pretty good feeling. 723 00:43:52,791 --> 00:43:56,754 - Where are you taking her? - I don't know. I thought, uh, Ernie's. 724 00:43:56,962 --> 00:44:00,611 Ernie's? You can't take her to Ernie's. Ernie's has been around since we were kids. 725 00:44:00,646 --> 00:44:04,643 You might as well take her to Houlihan's. You cannot take Rachel Rose to Ernie's. 726 00:44:04,678 --> 00:44:08,641 - Definitely not Ernie's. Definitely not. Mm-mmm. Uh-oh. - No, you gotta take her 727 00:44:08,676 --> 00:44:11,775 - No, hot. Definitely hot. - Well, what's- Okay, what's new and hot? 728 00:44:11,810 --> 00:44:13,687 What do we know about this girl? 729 00:44:13,688 --> 00:44:15,564 - Rachel Rose, 29 years old, Columbia School of Journalism. 730 00:44:15,599 --> 00:44:18,782 - Middle East affairs expert. - Perfect. Middle Eastern. 731 00:44:18,817 --> 00:44:22,203 She can order in Arabic. Give her a chance to shine. What's a good place? 732 00:44:22,238 --> 00:44:23,951 Delphini's. Definitely Delphini's. Four 733 00:44:23,952 --> 00:44:25,664 stars, New York Times. Definitely Delphini's. 734 00:44:25,699 --> 00:44:27,138 Need a reservation. Delphini's. 735 00:44:27,139 --> 00:44:28,577 - Now, are you gonna wear a suit, or are you gonna go cas'? 736 00:44:28,612 --> 00:44:31,455 I don't know. I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. I guess cas'. 737 00:44:31,490 --> 00:44:33,996 - No, suit. - No, suit. Definitely suit. Definitely- 738 00:44:34,031 --> 00:44:36,467 Hey, shut up, Rain Man. Seriously. Enough, all right? 739 00:44:36,502 --> 00:44:39,588 - Now you're making me think about this. - Oh, relax. You'll do great. 740 00:44:39,623 --> 00:44:42,132 Hey, what if you guys came with me? 741 00:44:42,174 --> 00:44:44,155 What, you wanna bring a priest to your first good date in two years? That 742 00:44:44,156 --> 00:44:46,136 What kind of a strategy is that? 743 00:44:46,171 --> 00:44:47,884 I don't want to bring a priest. I wanna 744 00:44:47,885 --> 00:44:49,598 bring my friend Brian and his girlfriend Anna. 745 00:44:49,633 --> 00:44:52,149 We could m-make it like a double date. Come on. 746 00:44:52,184 --> 00:44:55,444 Pretend you're a couple. What's wrong with that? What, are you busy? Huh? 747 00:44:55,479 --> 00:44:56,709 - You can bring your cell phone. You'll be totally connected the whole time. 748 00:44:56,710 --> 00:44:57,940 I'm always busy. 749 00:44:57,975 --> 00:45:00,115 - That's not the point. - What's the point, then? 750 00:45:00,150 --> 00:45:01,891 - The point is, you're old enough to date without a chaperone. 751 00:45:01,892 --> 00:45:03,633 Amen. 752 00:45:03,668 --> 00:45:07,116 I don't need a chaperone, I just need some help. Come on. Guys, please? 753 00:45:07,151 --> 00:45:08,909 I'm begging you. 754 00:45:12,204 --> 00:45:14,185 Yeah, that's the way the business is going. 755 00:45:14,186 --> 00:45:16,166 People want their news to have more of an edge. 756 00:45:16,201 --> 00:45:18,884 - That's why Brokaw stands now. - What? 757 00:45:18,919 --> 00:45:21,839 Tom Brokaw. He stands up when he reads the news. 758 00:45:21,874 --> 00:45:23,931 - The whole time? - Yeah. 759 00:45:23,966 --> 00:45:25,655 He does? 760 00:45:25,656 --> 00:45:27,344 - Well, he's been doing it for about a year now. 761 00:45:27,379 --> 00:45:29,436 - Really? - Mm-hmm. - I gotta watch the news more. 762 00:45:29,471 --> 00:45:32,892 You know, I saw your saringas report. It was very powerful. 763 00:45:32,927 --> 00:45:35,276 Thanks. I really earned my stripes with that piece. 764 00:45:35,311 --> 00:45:39,071 Mmm. I earned my stripes by getting through a bris without fainting. 765 00:45:39,106 --> 00:45:42,651 - I talked Mc Donald's out of the Mc Oyster. - And a grateful nation thanks you. 766 00:45:42,686 --> 00:45:46,363 - Made me a star. - So, how long have you two been together? 767 00:45:48,157 --> 00:45:51,000 - Oh, right, uh- - Oh, God, like- Oh, we go way back. 768 00:45:51,035 --> 00:45:54,038 We've all known each other since we were kids, 'cause we grew up together. 769 00:45:54,073 --> 00:45:56,266 - I used to have a crush on Anna. - Really? 770 00:45:56,301 --> 00:45:58,360 - I told you that. - Did not! - She knew that. 771 00:45:58,395 --> 00:46:00,419 - No, you didn't. - Mm-hmm. - No, you didn't. 772 00:46:00,454 --> 00:46:03,053 - I- - Well, anyway, we reconnected. 773 00:46:03,088 --> 00:46:07,801 A couple months ago, this was, and, and we just clicked. Uh, very unexpectedly, but- 774 00:46:08,135 --> 00:46:11,096 Oh, G- I think it's so great to be friends first. Don't you? 775 00:46:11,131 --> 00:46:13,182 Always. Friends first. 776 00:46:15,476 --> 00:46:18,521 So, do you write your own reports, or how does that work? 777 00:46:18,556 --> 00:46:19,987 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. - Oh, yeah. 778 00:46:20,022 --> 00:46:21,064 - Well, I wouldn't trust anybody else to get 'em right, you know. 779 00:46:21,065 --> 00:46:22,107 Right, right. 780 00:46:22,142 --> 00:46:25,444 - I mean, you write your own sermons, right? - Mmm. 781 00:46:25,486 --> 00:46:28,280 Actually, I download them off the net. There's this great service. 782 00:46:28,315 --> 00:46:31,075 - It's called www. hotgod. com. - Really? 783 00:46:33,244 --> 00:46:34,870 Ow! Ooh. No. 784 00:46:36,038 --> 00:46:40,000 - No, I was kidding. - Oh. So you- you do write your own sermons. 785 00:46:40,167 --> 00:46:42,218 - Yeah. Yeah. - He writes beautiful sermons. 786 00:46:42,253 --> 00:46:45,026 Thanks. Actually, I like to improvise a lot. You 787 00:46:45,027 --> 00:46:47,800 know, keeps everybody- myself included- on their toes. 788 00:46:47,835 --> 00:46:51,845 I- I-I guess you really can't do that too much with your job, with the news. 789 00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:53,639 - What? - Riff. 790 00:46:54,515 --> 00:46:56,642 Oh, mmm, no, not really. 791 00:47:05,734 --> 00:47:08,988 You know, I'll bet the Middle East is lovely this time of year, huh? 792 00:47:09,023 --> 00:47:11,240 Well, not if you're Kurdish. 793 00:47:11,699 --> 00:47:12,992 Mmm. 794 00:47:13,868 --> 00:47:15,411 Excuse me. 795 00:47:17,538 --> 00:47:21,292 Oh, my God. The Iraqi defence minister just committed suicide. 796 00:47:22,209 --> 00:47:24,879 - Oh. - Ooh. - Is that bad or good? 797 00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,965 Well, i- Brian, would you explain it to him? 798 00:47:30,259 --> 00:47:31,677 I will. 799 00:47:33,804 --> 00:47:36,724 - How do you think it's going? - She's really beautiful. 800 00:47:36,759 --> 00:47:39,733 - Sh-She's great too. - Yeah. - She's very adult. 801 00:47:39,768 --> 00:47:41,603 - Oh, y-you're doing great. We've been- We've been 802 00:47:41,604 --> 00:47:43,439 totally impressed. - You look so hot in your suit. 803 00:47:43,474 --> 00:47:46,025 - Can I just tell you? - Thank you. 804 00:47:46,609 --> 00:47:49,410 - You look beautiful. - You do. You look amazing. 805 00:47:49,445 --> 00:47:50,946 Thanks, men. 806 00:47:50,947 --> 00:47:52,448 - Yeah, there's something about you. I don't know what it is. 807 00:47:52,483 --> 00:47:55,618 - Tonight there's some special- - An absence of something. 808 00:47:55,653 --> 00:47:58,954 - Of the cell phone. - Uh-uh-uh. It's set to vibrate. 809 00:47:59,413 --> 00:48:01,624 Oh, my- Wow. That's sexy. 810 00:48:03,500 --> 00:48:07,171 - Did you ever just wanna be free of that thing? - No- You don't understand. 811 00:48:07,206 --> 00:48:10,007 I- I have a relationship with my phone. 812 00:48:10,799 --> 00:48:13,552 We have a chemistry together. I can't explain it. 813 00:48:13,587 --> 00:48:16,305 Yeah, well, chemistry's a funny thing. 814 00:48:16,472 --> 00:48:19,975 Yes, it is. Are you speaking abstractly or specifically? 815 00:48:22,853 --> 00:48:24,438 Abstractly. 816 00:48:28,692 --> 00:48:31,445 Well, looks like I'm going to Baghdad. 817 00:48:32,488 --> 00:48:34,788 Two seconds. Two seconds. So, it was a pleasure. 818 00:48:34,823 --> 00:48:36,832 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. Take care. - It was nice to meet you. 819 00:48:36,867 --> 00:48:39,119 - Yes. Good luck to both of you. - Thank you. - I'll talk to you soon. 820 00:48:39,154 --> 00:48:41,253 - Okay. All right. Okay. - Okay. 821 00:48:41,288 --> 00:48:43,248 - I'll- I'll talk to you. - Okay. Okay, call me. 822 00:48:43,283 --> 00:48:45,209 - All right. Okay, thank you. - Okay. Call me soon. 823 00:48:45,244 --> 00:48:47,878 - Thanks again. - Okay. Bye. - Bye. 824 00:48:57,888 --> 00:49:00,641 What are you thinking about right now? 825 00:49:00,766 --> 00:49:03,400 Oh, it's funny. I was at the Met yesterday. 826 00:49:03,435 --> 00:49:05,086 Again? 827 00:49:05,087 --> 00:49:06,737 - I go every week now. And I noticed this little painting. 828 00:49:06,772 --> 00:49:09,942 It was a watercolour by Bonnard, and I've probably passed it every single time... 829 00:49:09,977 --> 00:49:13,025 and I don't know why, but this time I looked at it. 830 00:49:13,060 --> 00:49:16,073 And I was just- I was riveted. It was so beautiful. 831 00:49:18,659 --> 00:49:21,745 That's all. I was just wondering why I never saw it before. 832 00:49:21,780 --> 00:49:23,956 Well, I mean, sometimes... 833 00:49:24,331 --> 00:49:27,459 we don't see certain things till we're ready to see'em... 834 00:49:27,494 --> 00:49:29,295 in a certain way. 835 00:49:29,837 --> 00:49:31,338 You know? 836 00:49:32,131 --> 00:49:33,674 Very true. 837 00:49:37,428 --> 00:49:38,762 Yeah. 838 00:49:40,973 --> 00:49:43,726 Hey, what's going on with Ruth and Ethan? 839 00:49:43,761 --> 00:49:45,186 Oh, uh- 840 00:49:45,936 --> 00:49:49,648 Ethan married a Catholic girl, and that did not go over well. 841 00:49:50,316 --> 00:49:52,359 That's why they're fighting? 842 00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,403 - No, no, they're not fighting. They're not talking. 843 00:49:54,438 --> 00:49:56,739 Two years now, no comunicado. 844 00:49:57,448 --> 00:49:59,373 - Are you serious? - Totally. It's- 845 00:49:59,408 --> 00:50:02,244 What? Weren't they really close, though? 846 00:50:02,995 --> 00:50:05,789 - Oh, as close as Ruth and Jake. - Wow. 847 00:50:08,459 --> 00:50:10,926 - Well, that explains a lot. - Yeah. Yeah. 848 00:50:10,961 --> 00:50:14,048 I mean, you see why tonight is not just a date. 849 00:50:21,514 --> 00:50:24,162 I feel really terrible about having to cut the night short. 850 00:50:24,197 --> 00:50:26,775 - You know, if they- - That's fine. I totally understand. 851 00:50:26,810 --> 00:50:30,856 - I mean, when the beeper beeps- - You know, I'm just gonna be packing. 852 00:50:30,891 --> 00:50:33,943 Would you, um, like to come up for a nightcap? 853 00:50:34,777 --> 00:50:37,154 - Keep me company? - Uh, um- 854 00:50:39,365 --> 00:50:42,576 I would love to, but I think I should let you do your thing. 855 00:50:42,611 --> 00:50:45,788 - I mean, you gotta go to Baghdad. I mean- - Yeah. Yeah. 856 00:50:45,823 --> 00:50:47,098 - So. - Long flight. I know. 857 00:50:47,133 --> 00:50:48,339 - Yeah. - It- Well, okay. 858 00:50:48,374 --> 00:50:51,961 But when you get back, we should definitely get together. 859 00:50:52,795 --> 00:50:54,303 - I would love to. - Okay. 860 00:50:54,338 --> 00:50:56,882 - It's a date. - Okay. All right. 861 00:50:58,133 --> 00:50:59,843 - Bye. - Bye. 862 00:51:00,553 --> 00:51:01,846 Bye. 863 00:51:14,191 --> 00:51:15,526 Taxi! 864 00:51:21,115 --> 00:51:23,374 - Well, this is me. - Okay. 865 00:51:23,409 --> 00:51:26,161 - You wanna come up for a while? - Oh. 866 00:51:26,287 --> 00:51:28,476 I would love to, but I really should get home, 867 00:51:28,477 --> 00:51:30,666 because I have a very early conference call. 868 00:51:30,701 --> 00:51:33,669 Me too. I mean, I gotta talk to the Big Guy. 869 00:51:35,462 --> 00:51:37,715 - Right. - He calls early. 870 00:51:38,549 --> 00:51:41,468 - Rain check, though. - Yeah. Definitely. 871 00:51:41,594 --> 00:51:42,761 - Definitely. - Okay. - Okay. 872 00:51:42,796 --> 00:51:44,346 Good night. 873 00:51:46,348 --> 00:51:48,642 - Good night. - Good night. 874 00:52:16,420 --> 00:52:18,047 - Hi. - Hi. 875 00:52:20,341 --> 00:52:22,468 What are you doing here? 876 00:52:22,885 --> 00:52:25,513 I don't know. What am I doing here? 877 00:52:43,656 --> 00:52:47,910 I haven't screamed that hard since the U.S. hockey team beat the Russians. 878 00:52:47,945 --> 00:52:49,585 You're incredible. 879 00:52:49,620 --> 00:52:52,706 I've been wanting to do that since the second you walked off that aeroplane. 880 00:52:52,741 --> 00:52:54,465 - Really? - Yeah. 881 00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:57,009 Right away? You hadn't seen me in 16 years. 882 00:52:57,044 --> 00:53:01,194 I know, and you were this, like, tough, sexy, straight-ahead businesswoman. 883 00:53:01,229 --> 00:53:05,344 I just wanted to pull you off into Security and give you a cavity search. 884 00:53:06,929 --> 00:53:09,313 Now that would have been impulsive. 885 00:53:09,348 --> 00:53:12,351 Yeah, well, this is pretty impulsive for me. 886 00:53:15,229 --> 00:53:18,065 - Believe me. - But good, though, right? 887 00:53:18,274 --> 00:53:22,236 Yeah, good, just, I mean, could get a little complicated. You know? 888 00:53:25,197 --> 00:53:29,451 Well, what would people at work think if they knew you were sleeping with a rabbi? 889 00:53:29,486 --> 00:53:31,370 Could be a scandal. 890 00:53:34,206 --> 00:53:35,457 Oh. 891 00:53:37,585 --> 00:53:39,134 - Listen. - Yeah. 892 00:53:39,169 --> 00:53:41,547 You know what my life is like. 893 00:53:42,214 --> 00:53:45,134 - I'm only here for a little while. - Yes. 894 00:53:46,260 --> 00:53:49,889 And I'm fine just hanging out having a great time with you. 895 00:53:50,055 --> 00:53:51,473 Mm-hmm. 896 00:53:52,766 --> 00:53:56,061 But sometimes I wanna jump you too. What can I say? 897 00:53:58,647 --> 00:54:00,316 Is that okay? 898 00:54:00,816 --> 00:54:03,527 Yeah, it's okay. It's more than okay. 899 00:54:06,864 --> 00:54:09,617 Think we should say anything to Brian? 900 00:54:10,743 --> 00:54:13,787 I- I think it might be a little weird for him. 901 00:54:15,873 --> 00:54:18,334 You don't think he'd understand? 902 00:54:18,500 --> 00:54:20,753 No, I just- I don't know. 903 00:54:21,212 --> 00:54:23,964 I think we should just keep it simple. 904 00:54:25,716 --> 00:54:27,468 I'm for simple. 905 00:54:28,886 --> 00:54:32,473 I have something simple that I'd like to discuss with you. 906 00:54:35,976 --> 00:54:37,770 Do you wanna know 907 00:54:38,312 --> 00:54:40,439 If everythin' glitterin' 908 00:54:42,233 --> 00:54:44,276 Will turn into the gold 909 00:54:45,778 --> 00:54:47,530 I see in your hair 910 00:54:48,656 --> 00:54:50,616 Feel it could be there 911 00:54:51,116 --> 00:54:52,535 Somehow 912 00:54:54,245 --> 00:54:55,663 Tonight 913 00:54:58,415 --> 00:55:00,376 And do you wanna fight 914 00:55:01,126 --> 00:55:03,254 Somethin' worth savin' 915 00:55:03,963 --> 00:55:06,215 The change would do me right 916 00:55:07,466 --> 00:55:09,802 'Cause I've been just waitin' 917 00:55:11,303 --> 00:55:13,681 And hesitatin' with this heart 918 00:55:17,142 --> 00:55:18,352 Of 919 00:55:20,479 --> 00:55:21,772 Mine 920 00:55:26,902 --> 00:55:28,904 You're still a mystery 921 00:55:29,864 --> 00:55:32,199 But there's somethin' so easy 922 00:55:33,033 --> 00:55:35,160 In how you're sweet to me 923 00:55:37,121 --> 00:55:38,831 I feel completed 924 00:55:39,290 --> 00:55:42,167 Like it's somethin' I needed for this heart 925 00:55:46,338 --> 00:55:47,548 Of 926 00:55:49,592 --> 00:55:50,885 Mine 927 00:55:56,765 --> 00:55:59,393 There's always somethin' so tragic 928 00:56:02,980 --> 00:56:05,149 About a hopeless romantic 929 00:56:23,918 --> 00:56:26,837 We have a Jake Schram here for Anna Reilly. 930 00:56:27,296 --> 00:56:28,839 Yes? Okay. 931 00:56:31,175 --> 00:56:32,989 Hey, you know, I'm gonna be coming here a lot, so maybe 932 00:56:32,990 --> 00:56:34,803 in the future we don't have to do this whole name thing... 933 00:56:34,838 --> 00:56:38,933 and you could just say, "Hey, Jake," and I could say, "Hey, T-Bone. " 934 00:56:40,559 --> 00:56:43,854 - That pass is good for one hour. - Okay. Thank you. 935 00:56:45,064 --> 00:56:47,441 Wednesday night, you have a due diligence call at 7:00... 936 00:56:47,476 --> 00:56:49,443 and a dinner at 8:00. 937 00:56:49,944 --> 00:56:53,948 All right. I'm make the call, but cancel the dinner. I have a class. 938 00:56:54,198 --> 00:56:55,908 Oh, he's late. 939 00:56:58,202 --> 00:57:01,080 Oh, my God. Are you guys getting serious? 940 00:57:02,623 --> 00:57:05,042 - No, no, no, no, no, no. - Yes, you are. 941 00:57:05,077 --> 00:57:07,770 - No, we're not. - I saw it. I can tell. 942 00:57:07,805 --> 00:57:10,464 - No, no, no. - I- - Oh, it's- He's here. 943 00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:13,509 - Hey. - Hi. 944 00:57:15,052 --> 00:57:17,972 Uh, Debbie, this is Jake. Jake, vice versa. 945 00:57:18,889 --> 00:57:20,356 - Hi. - Hi. How you doing? 946 00:57:20,391 --> 00:57:23,561 Hi, Jake. Can I just say, um, good- good for you. 947 00:57:25,354 --> 00:57:27,731 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 948 00:57:28,899 --> 00:57:31,861 - Uh, Debbie? - Debbie, Debbie, Deb- What? 949 00:57:33,696 --> 00:57:36,747 - Oh! Th- Um, the numbers are good for you, yeah? - Good. 950 00:57:36,782 --> 00:57:39,243 Good. Just run one more scenario and assume 951 00:57:39,244 --> 00:57:41,704 an eight-percent IRR and PV it to present day. 952 00:57:42,913 --> 00:57:44,206 Bye. 953 00:57:48,085 --> 00:57:50,754 - Hi. - Wow, you're really gonna run an eight-percent IRR... 954 00:57:50,789 --> 00:57:52,965 'cause I'd go with a fifteen percent at least. 955 00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:54,807 Stick with the Torah. 956 00:57:54,842 --> 00:57:57,094 Look at this place. This is ridiculous. 957 00:57:57,129 --> 00:57:59,346 This is so impressive. Wow. 958 00:58:00,306 --> 00:58:02,850 - Hi again. - Hey. - Hey. 959 00:58:03,309 --> 00:58:05,526 - Can we close your Levolor blinds and- - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 960 00:58:05,561 --> 00:58:06,729 What? 961 00:58:06,730 --> 00:58:07,897 - I want to show you something. Remember that guy I told you about? 962 00:58:07,932 --> 00:58:10,524 - Um, the guy, the guy- Oh, that guy. - Mr 23rd Floor. 963 00:58:10,559 --> 00:58:11,907 - Yes. - Check it out. 964 00:58:11,942 --> 00:58:13,714 - All right. - Right there, with the huge ficus plant. 965 00:58:13,749 --> 00:58:15,487 I doubt anything interesting will be going on now... 966 00:58:15,522 --> 00:58:17,907 - Trust me. - but if you want me to look at- 967 00:58:17,942 --> 00:58:19,783 Whoa! Holy majoly! 968 00:58:20,576 --> 00:58:22,036 Told ya. 969 00:58:23,454 --> 00:58:25,956 Does he have music on in there? Huh? 970 00:58:25,991 --> 00:58:28,334 He's, like, porn-slapping her. 971 00:58:29,001 --> 00:58:31,093 - We should go now. - Ooh. 972 00:58:31,128 --> 00:58:34,680 He has a healthy self-confidence. I can tell from his posturing. 973 00:58:34,715 --> 00:58:38,719 - Ready? Let's go. - I can- Hang on one second. I'm learning something here. 974 00:58:38,754 --> 00:58:39,935 - I'm learning- - We're gonna be late. 975 00:58:39,970 --> 00:58:43,140 You're gonna be- You're gonna benefit from this. 976 00:58:43,175 --> 00:58:45,076 I can't Wednesday night. I have a class. 977 00:58:45,111 --> 00:58:46,942 Okay, what are these classes already? 978 00:58:46,977 --> 00:58:50,439 I just try new things sometimes. I don't want to talk about it. I get embarrassed. 979 00:58:50,474 --> 00:58:53,734 You shouldn't be embarrassed. A lot of people take aikido. 980 00:58:53,769 --> 00:58:55,861 - Nope. - Line dancing. 981 00:58:55,903 --> 00:58:57,905 - Not even close. - Why- What is the big deal? 982 00:58:57,940 --> 00:59:00,115 - Why can't I know? - Jake. 983 00:59:00,150 --> 00:59:02,034 - Feng shui? - No. 984 00:59:02,243 --> 00:59:04,418 You shouldn't be embarrassed if it's feng shui. Okay. 985 00:59:04,453 --> 00:59:06,246 You know what? Don't tell me. I don't even need to 986 00:59:06,247 --> 00:59:08,040 know, 'cause I like the little misterioso quality. 987 00:59:08,075 --> 00:59:10,251 - It's very sexy. It turns me on. - That's very good. 988 00:59:10,286 --> 00:59:11,509 - Yeah. - All right, I gotta pee. 989 00:59:11,544 --> 00:59:14,922 Hold on a second. I wanna tell you something. Listen. 990 00:59:17,216 --> 00:59:19,093 Hold that thought. 991 00:59:25,808 --> 00:59:28,018 - Look who's here! - Hey! 992 00:59:28,352 --> 00:59:30,187 - Look who's here! - Hey! - Hey, Rabbi! 993 00:59:30,222 --> 00:59:32,398 Ho- Holy. How you doin'? 994 00:59:32,690 --> 00:59:34,365 - Larry. - Larry, Ellen... - Yeah. 995 00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:36,367 What the- What the- What are you doin' here? 996 00:59:36,402 --> 00:59:39,572 What do you think? We're buying a turkey. No, no, we're seeing a movie. 997 00:59:39,607 --> 00:59:42,533 - That's what we're doing. - Are you alone? 998 00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:46,203 No. I mean- I mean, I'm with an old friend. 999 00:59:46,370 --> 00:59:48,956 What are you wasting your time with an old friend when Emma Gerber... 1000 00:59:48,991 --> 00:59:51,507 has been trying to get you to take her daughter out for months, huh? 1001 00:59:51,542 --> 00:59:53,801 Let me tell you, it wouldn't hurt to call her, because her family is very wealthy. 1002 00:59:53,836 --> 00:59:55,507 Although she's no Rachel Rose. 1003 00:59:55,508 --> 00:59:57,179 - I know, but they could contribute to the senior centre. 1004 00:59:57,214 --> 00:59:58,778 I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna call her, but right now 1005 00:59:58,779 --> 01:00:00,342 I'm taking a little break from the dating and the whole- 1006 01:00:00,377 --> 01:00:01,886 - Why? - It's a little bit too much- Whoa! - If this isn't too- 1007 01:00:01,921 --> 01:00:04,019 - Whoa! - Look at- - What the heck is- This is- 1008 01:00:04,054 --> 01:00:06,557 - Hi. How are you? - We were just talking about Rachel. 1009 01:00:06,592 --> 01:00:09,185 Well, naturally. Did you all come together? 1010 01:00:09,220 --> 01:00:10,276 - No, no, no, no, no, no. - No. 1011 01:00:10,311 --> 01:00:13,898 We- We just- We just- This- This is why I love New York. 1012 01:00:14,190 --> 01:00:16,901 - Yeah, it's true. - Well, these are my movie girls. 1013 01:00:16,936 --> 01:00:18,242 - Hi. - Hi. - This is Roz and Chaya Lentz. 1014 01:00:18,277 --> 01:00:19,278 Yes. Hi. 1015 01:00:19,279 --> 01:00:20,279 - We're gonna see that Garcia picture. Andy Garcia. 1016 01:00:20,314 --> 01:00:21,412 - We are. - Oh, so are we. - Oh. 1017 01:00:21,447 --> 01:00:22,656 Hi, Rabbi. 1018 01:00:22,657 --> 01:00:23,866 - You know, my daughter's been back from Libya like a week. 1019 01:00:23,901 --> 01:00:25,075 Right. 1020 01:00:25,076 --> 01:00:26,250 - Yeah, she told me that she called you a couple of times. 1021 01:00:26,285 --> 01:00:28,370 - Yeah, we've been- we've been trying to call- - She's very disappointed... 1022 01:00:28,405 --> 01:00:29,747 - We- We- - not to connect up with you. - I know. I'm sorry. 1023 01:00:29,782 --> 01:00:31,537 - It's- - Hey. - It's been- Hey, how you doin'? 1024 01:00:31,572 --> 01:00:33,292 - Perfect. Great. Um- - This is your friend? 1025 01:00:33,327 --> 01:00:35,878 This is it. This is my buddy, um- 1026 01:00:36,086 --> 01:00:38,262 This is my buddy, Anna. These are people- 1027 01:00:38,297 --> 01:00:41,348 This is Larry Friedman. He's the president of the synagogue. 1028 01:00:41,383 --> 01:00:42,927 - And his wife. - I've heard so much about you. - Hi. How are you? 1029 01:00:42,962 --> 01:00:44,592 - I'm good. Thank you. - And Ellen. 1030 01:00:44,627 --> 01:00:46,571 - Hi. - Hello! - Nice to meet you. 1031 01:00:46,606 --> 01:00:48,516 - Pleasure. - Hi. - and the Luntzes? 1032 01:00:48,551 --> 01:00:50,107 - Lentzes. - Lentzes. - Hi. 1033 01:00:50,142 --> 01:00:51,268 - And all of these people are all members of the congregation. 1034 01:00:51,269 --> 01:00:52,394 Got it. 1035 01:00:52,429 --> 01:00:54,522 - I don't think I got your last name. - Reilly. 1036 01:00:54,557 --> 01:00:56,071 - Um- - Reilly? 1037 01:00:56,106 --> 01:00:59,735 We, Anna and I and Father Brian, as children, used to play. 1038 01:01:00,236 --> 01:01:02,161 - Isn't that nice? - What movie are you seeing, Rabbi? 1039 01:01:02,196 --> 01:01:04,490 - We're gonna- We're gonna see the I MAX- - Andy Garcia. 1040 01:01:04,525 --> 01:01:05,915 - He's in that, right? - No, I don't think so. 1041 01:01:05,950 --> 01:01:07,368 - Well, maybe we should go. - We're going to the same one. Let's go. 1042 01:01:07,403 --> 01:01:09,912 Anyway. I thought he was in that. 1043 01:01:12,790 --> 01:01:14,959 Where are the paper towels? 1044 01:01:17,002 --> 01:01:19,129 There are no paper towels. 1045 01:01:20,798 --> 01:01:23,968 Jesus Christ, lam in a crisis here! I need some help! 1046 01:01:24,003 --> 01:01:26,185 I need someone that can look around the house... 1047 01:01:26,220 --> 01:01:28,555 and when there are no paper towels, they go 1048 01:01:28,556 --> 01:01:30,891 to the god dam store and buy some paper towels! 1049 01:01:31,433 --> 01:01:34,478 I mean, how many god dam stores do you pass on the way home from school... 1050 01:01:34,513 --> 01:01:36,362 - that are filled with paper towels? - You okay? 1051 01:01:36,397 --> 01:01:38,315 Yeah. 1052 01:01:38,316 --> 01:01:40,234 - I need someone to use a little common sense around here! 1053 01:01:45,489 --> 01:01:47,825 Why don't you get somebody else? 1054 01:01:48,450 --> 01:01:50,264 Okay, what? 1055 01:01:50,265 --> 01:01:52,079 - If we were actually going out, I'd be very pissed off at you right now. 1056 01:01:52,114 --> 01:01:54,129 Yes, well, if we were actually going out, I'd say that... 1057 01:01:54,164 --> 01:01:56,799 that was a very scary situation for me, and you just made it worse. 1058 01:01:56,834 --> 01:01:59,593 Well, then I would say that is no excuse for what just went on in there. 1059 01:01:59,628 --> 01:02:01,140 Well, I'd say, "I'm sorry. Too bad. That's 1060 01:02:01,141 --> 01:02:02,652 the way it is, and you have to deal with it. " 1061 01:02:02,687 --> 01:02:04,181 - Well, then I would say that you - that was 1062 01:02:04,182 --> 01:02:05,676 absolutely- - What? What would you say? What? 1063 01:02:05,711 --> 01:02:08,262 Come on. Bring it! Bring the pain! 1064 01:02:08,345 --> 01:02:10,264 Say it. Say it all. 1065 01:02:11,557 --> 01:02:14,643 - You wanna- - I guess it's a good thing we're not going out, then. 1066 01:02:14,678 --> 01:02:16,854 - Thank God. - Thank God. 1067 01:02:17,271 --> 01:02:21,692 - I wasn't really mad. Were you? - No, but you're still gonna get a spanking. 1068 01:02:45,382 --> 01:02:48,344 - You're in such good shape. I mean- - Are you all right? 1069 01:02:48,379 --> 01:02:50,638 Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, God. 1070 01:02:50,679 --> 01:02:52,146 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You gotta stretch. 1071 01:02:52,181 --> 01:02:56,352 - I can't- No. - You gotta stretch, or you're gonna tighten up. I'm telling you. 1072 01:02:56,387 --> 01:02:58,479 - Ow! - Does that hurt? 1073 01:02:58,771 --> 01:03:01,106 - No, it feels good. - Okay. 1074 01:03:02,691 --> 01:03:04,443 Harder. Harder. 1075 01:03:08,864 --> 01:03:10,824 Okay. That's enough. 1076 01:03:11,659 --> 01:03:13,577 You're such a wimp. 1077 01:03:50,531 --> 01:03:53,117 Hi, this is Anna. Only three people have this 1078 01:03:53,118 --> 01:03:55,703 number, so if you're not one of them, leave me alone. 1079 01:03:57,037 --> 01:03:59,331 Hey, it's me. Are you there? 1080 01:03:59,915 --> 01:04:02,001 Hello? Pick up the phone. 1081 01:04:05,045 --> 01:04:07,965 Probably still at work. It's not that important. 1082 01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:10,259 I was just thinking about you. 1083 01:04:10,843 --> 01:04:14,763 Thought maybe we could do dinner this week, you know, just you and me? 1084 01:04:15,097 --> 01:04:17,808 This is Brian, by the way, in case you were wondering. 1085 01:04:17,843 --> 01:04:19,768 You know where to find me. 1086 01:04:19,803 --> 01:04:21,687 Call me, okay? Bye. 1087 01:04:27,359 --> 01:04:28,367 - What? - I gotta go now. I gotta go. 1088 01:04:28,402 --> 01:04:30,487 What? No, no, no. Can't- Just give me 20 minutes. Come on. 1089 01:04:30,522 --> 01:04:31,620 - Twenty minutes? - Okay. 1090 01:04:31,655 --> 01:04:34,283 - I'm late. This is becoming a bad habit. - Fifteen minutes. 1091 01:04:34,318 --> 01:04:37,203 - I have- - Well, 141/2 minutes. Please? 1092 01:04:37,620 --> 01:04:41,207 - I have to go back to the mines. - We all have to go back to the mines. 1093 01:04:41,242 --> 01:04:42,464 - Don't you have work to do? - I do. 1094 01:04:42,499 --> 01:04:45,961 We're doing a hostile takeover of Congregation Bertov Sholem. 1095 01:04:45,996 --> 01:04:48,345 - Okay. - And- - You do that. 1096 01:04:48,380 --> 01:04:49,757 - Okay, I'll do that. - I'm officially going now. - Okay. Oh, whoops. 1097 01:04:49,792 --> 01:04:50,890 - Okay. - Okay- Oh. 1098 01:04:50,925 --> 01:04:53,385 - Oh- - Toll booth. Ding-dong. 1099 01:04:54,011 --> 01:04:56,472 - Time to pay the toll. - Okay. 1100 01:05:00,768 --> 01:05:03,020 - There. - Oh- - I paid. 1101 01:05:03,354 --> 01:05:06,065 God was showing off when He made you. 1102 01:05:12,821 --> 01:05:14,323 Okay, go. 1103 01:05:15,866 --> 01:05:18,661 But you'll be back. They all come back. 1104 01:05:50,317 --> 01:05:52,611 Ah, yes, they all come back. 1105 01:05:53,028 --> 01:05:55,489 Sooner or later, they all- Ooh. 1106 01:05:56,240 --> 01:05:57,533 Hey. 1107 01:05:59,535 --> 01:06:01,418 - Hi. How are you? - I'm good. 1108 01:06:01,453 --> 01:06:04,164 - How you doin'? - What's up, my man? 1109 01:06:05,165 --> 01:06:06,924 What are you- What are you- What are you doing here? 1110 01:06:06,959 --> 01:06:09,566 - I wanna get the karaoke machine. Am I interrupting something? 1111 01:06:09,567 --> 01:06:12,173 Yeah, I got a blonde in the back. 1112 01:06:12,208 --> 01:06:14,098 - Come on. Let's go. - Right now? - Yeah, yeah. Come on. 1113 01:06:14,133 --> 01:06:16,308 - Okay, okay, okay. - We got the money. I mean, why wait? - Come in for a second. 1114 01:06:16,343 --> 01:06:17,532 Come in for a second. 1115 01:06:17,533 --> 01:06:18,721 - No, no, no. Come on. I wanna go. The place closes in, like, 20 minutes. 1116 01:06:18,756 --> 01:06:20,472 - Okay, come in for one second. Come in for one second. - Well, wait, wait, wait- 1117 01:06:20,507 --> 01:06:23,642 Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Hey. A.D.D. boy. Right here. 1118 01:06:23,684 --> 01:06:27,354 You wanna get it, let's get it, but be with me when we get it. 1119 01:06:27,389 --> 01:06:29,190 - Stay focused. - I'm with you, man. - Okay. 1120 01:06:29,225 --> 01:06:30,983 - Okay. - Okay. 1121 01:06:36,030 --> 01:06:38,574 Test. Test. Sibilance. Sibilance. 1122 01:06:39,325 --> 01:06:42,411 I'm the king of rock. There ain't none higher. 1123 01:06:42,453 --> 01:06:45,206 - Suck- This doesn't work. - Well, guy's in the back. 1124 01:06:45,241 --> 01:06:46,964 - Sucka- - I can't find him. 1125 01:06:46,999 --> 01:06:50,252 Hey, listen. The contractor wants to do a walk-through on- on Tuesday next week. 1126 01:06:50,287 --> 01:06:52,052 - Can you do that? - Mm, Tuesday. 1127 01:06:52,087 --> 01:06:54,965 We have to, like, "punch up" or "punch out" or something. 1128 01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:57,808 I didn't understand the terms. I just- I just said okay. 1129 01:06:57,843 --> 01:07:00,853 No, Tuesday's not good for me. I gotta mourn with the Schwartzes. 1130 01:07:00,888 --> 01:07:04,725 Oh. Hmm. What about Thursday night? I think they can do Thursday night. 1131 01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:08,527 - What you got? - Uh- I- I just- I can't do that. I got a thing. 1132 01:07:08,562 --> 01:07:11,169 Well, can you cancel it? 'Cause we're, like, getting really behind schedule here. 1133 01:07:11,204 --> 01:07:14,596 - They're- They're gettin' very irritable, and the- - No. It's just this- 1134 01:07:14,631 --> 01:07:17,988 It's just this thing. Anna wants me to take her to this office party deal. 1135 01:07:18,364 --> 01:07:20,498 - I don't know what it is. - Really? 1136 01:07:20,533 --> 01:07:23,000 Is it like- like, uh, something- big thing or something? 1137 01:07:23,035 --> 01:07:25,061 - No. No, no, no. Just she needs someone to, you know go with her. 1138 01:07:25,062 --> 01:07:27,087 Oh. 1139 01:07:27,122 --> 01:07:29,291 Yeah, no, 'cause she- I mean, she- she didn't even mention that to me, so I was- 1140 01:07:29,326 --> 01:07:30,668 Nah, it's not a- It's a- Whatever. 1141 01:07:30,703 --> 01:07:32,503 Jesse is a friend 1142 01:07:33,712 --> 01:07:36,423 And he's always been a good friend of mine 1143 01:07:38,175 --> 01:07:41,491 But lately something changed that ain't hard to define 1144 01:07:41,526 --> 01:07:44,807 Jesse's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine 1145 01:07:45,307 --> 01:07:48,018 And she's watching him with those eyes 1146 01:07:48,894 --> 01:07:52,356 And she's loving him with that body of hers, I just know it 1147 01:07:53,107 --> 01:07:55,484 You know that I want Jesse's girl 1148 01:07:57,486 --> 01:08:00,447 - Jesse's girl - How you guys doing? I'm Don. 1149 01:08:01,991 --> 01:08:03,582 - Don? - Don. Rhyme with flan. 1150 01:08:03,617 --> 01:08:06,377 - Hey. Brian. - Flan? - Yes. You have any question? 1151 01:08:06,412 --> 01:08:10,374 Yes, yes, indeed, Don, we do. Um, is this- is this a good machine? 1152 01:08:10,541 --> 01:08:13,460 Yeah, it's good, if you're a cheap bastard. 1153 01:08:13,961 --> 01:08:16,714 No, just- Just doing comedy with you. 1154 01:08:17,673 --> 01:08:21,260 That one is okay, but if you really serious about karaoke- 1155 01:08:21,802 --> 01:08:23,018 - Oh, we are. - Okay. 1156 01:08:23,053 --> 01:08:25,556 Then there only one model for you. 1157 01:08:25,591 --> 01:08:27,308 The Audio 2000. 1158 01:08:27,850 --> 01:08:31,020 This baby got the 16-bit dual D.A. converter... 1159 01:08:32,146 --> 01:08:35,232 three-beam tracking, digital key controller... 1160 01:08:35,900 --> 01:08:39,987 so you can change the pitch if your voice sucks, but I don't need that. 1161 01:08:42,781 --> 01:08:45,784 - That's nice. How much? - Price is not important. 1162 01:08:45,819 --> 01:08:48,787 - No, price is very important, actually. - Okay. 1163 01:08:48,822 --> 01:08:50,629 You got me. Take me away. Okay. 1164 01:08:50,664 --> 01:08:54,501 It's a little bit expensive, but let me tell you, it's worth it. 1165 01:08:55,211 --> 01:08:58,304 - When you sing to your girlfriend... - Uh-huh. 1166 01:08:58,339 --> 01:09:01,800 and her heart- Shoo! Boom!- fall down on the floor... 1167 01:09:02,885 --> 01:09:05,352 then you say, "Thank you, Don!" 1168 01:09:05,387 --> 01:09:08,057 Okay, how much does it cost exactly? 1169 01:09:14,522 --> 01:09:17,274 All right. Here's the real deal, okay? 1170 01:09:18,317 --> 01:09:21,827 Um, I don't usually do this, but you guys look like cool guys... 1171 01:09:21,862 --> 01:09:26,242 and, uh, I got a little piece of ass last night, so I'm feeling extra generous. 1172 01:09:26,277 --> 01:09:29,537 - Oh. - I'm gonna let you guys have it for 1,300. 1173 01:09:29,703 --> 01:09:32,213 - Thirteen hundred? - Final offer. 1174 01:09:32,248 --> 01:09:34,959 - Oh. Excuse me. I just got a- I got a little warm there. - Yeah. 1175 01:09:34,994 --> 01:09:38,379 - My friend, he gets- he gets a little warm. - Yeah. 1176 01:09:38,629 --> 01:09:40,089 Aw, man! 1177 01:09:41,257 --> 01:09:44,593 What is that? What is th- Get outta here with that! 1178 01:09:44,635 --> 01:09:46,929 - Is that real? - Oh, yeah. 1179 01:09:50,891 --> 01:09:53,915 Trust me, they'll love you. These guys are fascinated by 1180 01:09:53,916 --> 01:09:56,939 anyone who can survive on less that a hundred grand a year. 1181 01:09:57,189 --> 01:09:58,989 All right, okay. I feel ready for this. 1182 01:09:59,024 --> 01:10:00,442 You wanna give me some special business terms 1183 01:10:00,443 --> 01:10:01,861 so I sound like I know what I'm talking about? 1184 01:10:01,896 --> 01:10:03,821 - Standard B.S.C. deal. - What does that mean? 1185 01:10:03,856 --> 01:10:05,739 - Booze, schmooze and cruise, dude. - Ah. 1186 01:10:05,774 --> 01:10:07,414 Wait. How do I look? 1187 01:10:07,449 --> 01:10:09,535 - You look incredible. - Do I have anything in my teeth? 1188 01:10:09,570 --> 01:10:11,453 Uh, let me see. No. 1189 01:10:11,787 --> 01:10:14,999 - You look perfect. - Thank you. You ready for this, Rabbi? 1190 01:10:15,034 --> 01:10:18,294 - Not at all. - Oh. - Let's do it anyway. 1191 01:10:18,878 --> 01:10:20,546 What you think 1192 01:10:23,424 --> 01:10:25,176 What you feel now 1193 01:10:27,595 --> 01:10:29,221 What you know 1194 01:10:31,515 --> 01:10:33,357 - To be real - Hey, Anna, come here. 1195 01:10:33,392 --> 01:10:35,164 We're doing shots. You gotta do 1196 01:10:35,165 --> 01:10:36,937 - Hey, I'm sorry. Just gotta borrow her for one second. 1197 01:10:36,972 --> 01:10:40,357 All right. You think you can talk. This woman can talk. 1198 01:10:40,399 --> 01:10:43,235 - Oh, Len. - No, you know you can, Anna. 1199 01:10:44,820 --> 01:10:47,072 - What you know - Thank you. 1200 01:10:48,324 --> 01:10:49,867 To be real 1201 01:10:50,117 --> 01:10:52,918 See? That's the guy's problem, right? He's afraid to drive. 1202 01:10:52,953 --> 01:10:56,332 If the guy would just go down the middle with some, you know, like Sprewell. 1203 01:10:56,367 --> 01:10:58,382 - Same thing. Hey. - Excuse me, Rabbi. 1204 01:10:58,417 --> 01:11:00,773 I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's a question of 1205 01:11:00,774 --> 01:11:03,130 Talmudic precedent that requires your immediate attention. 1206 01:11:03,165 --> 01:11:05,764 - Ah, excuse me. - My love is your love 1207 01:11:05,799 --> 01:11:07,593 - Our love is here to stay - Very good. - Charming. 1208 01:11:07,628 --> 01:11:10,137 Talmudic. Where'd you learn that? 1209 01:11:10,846 --> 01:11:14,225 - Look at the city. - What you think - I think I love you 1210 01:11:15,976 --> 01:11:17,728 What you feel now 1211 01:11:18,646 --> 01:11:20,314 I feel I need you 1212 01:11:20,773 --> 01:11:23,025 Do you think Len was a Ritalin child? 1213 01:11:23,060 --> 01:11:25,242 - He still is. - Those guys love you. 1214 01:11:25,277 --> 01:11:28,050 Hmm. They love me 'cause I bust their balls. 1215 01:11:28,085 --> 01:11:30,789 No, no, no. I mean, they really respect you. 1216 01:11:30,824 --> 01:11:33,764 It's amazing. You should be running that company. 1217 01:11:33,799 --> 01:11:36,705 - Actually, they want me to. - What do you mean? 1218 01:11:36,747 --> 01:11:41,001 Um, they want- asked me to run the high tech group back in San Francisco. 1219 01:11:41,210 --> 01:11:43,796 - Anna. Are you serious? - Mm-hmm. 1220 01:11:44,380 --> 01:11:46,131 - That's- - I kind of knew it was coming. 1221 01:11:46,166 --> 01:11:48,109 I mean, who else were they gonna give it to? 1222 01:11:48,144 --> 01:11:50,017 Listen to you. You're like- That's incredible. 1223 01:11:50,052 --> 01:11:53,639 Yeah? Well, if you think I had no life before, I mean, I'll disappear. 1224 01:11:53,674 --> 01:11:57,434 Yes, but this is- this is everything you've worked for, right? 1225 01:11:57,469 --> 01:11:59,186 - I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you. - Really? 1226 01:11:59,221 --> 01:12:01,814 - Yeah, of course, really. - Well... 1227 01:12:02,314 --> 01:12:04,358 here's the thing, Jake. 1228 01:12:04,483 --> 01:12:07,278 I've been thinking about it, and, um... 1229 01:12:07,319 --> 01:12:11,115 I'm excited, but I'm not as excited as I am about you and me... 1230 01:12:12,116 --> 01:12:15,786 and so I don't think I wanna go, because I wanna be near you. 1231 01:12:16,328 --> 01:12:19,707 So I thought I'd put in for a transfer and stay here. 1232 01:12:21,333 --> 01:12:23,210 What do you think? 1233 01:12:23,794 --> 01:12:25,087 Wow! 1234 01:12:26,338 --> 01:12:28,007 Um, that's... 1235 01:12:29,925 --> 01:12:31,183 unexpected. 1236 01:12:31,218 --> 01:12:33,387 - Um- - It is? - Yeah. 1237 01:12:34,680 --> 01:12:37,558 Are you sure that that is the best thing? 1238 01:12:37,641 --> 01:12:39,622 - Oh, I- - For- For you? 1239 01:12:39,657 --> 01:12:41,604 Oh. I don't know. I- 1240 01:12:42,855 --> 01:12:46,150 - I thought you'd be excited. - No. No, no, no. I am. I'm just- I'm just- 1241 01:12:46,185 --> 01:12:49,236 I- I'm sorry. I thought- Am I off base here? 1242 01:12:49,820 --> 01:12:51,662 - Sorry. - No, you're not. 1243 01:12:51,697 --> 01:12:54,331 It was just an impulse. It's totally fine. 1244 01:12:54,366 --> 01:12:56,035 - Okay, 'cause I- - It's totally fine. Really. 1245 01:12:56,070 --> 01:12:57,751 - I thought that we- - No, I know. I- 1246 01:12:57,786 --> 01:13:00,296 I think that tequila shot made me a little giddy. 1247 01:13:00,331 --> 01:13:01,272 - Should we go somewhere and talk about this? 1248 01:13:01,273 --> 01:13:02,214 No, no, no, no. 1249 01:13:02,249 --> 01:13:03,709 - Let's get outta here. - No, no, no. No, no. - Let's go talk about it. 1250 01:13:03,744 --> 01:13:06,962 No, no, no. No, no, no. It's totally great. It's so fine. 1251 01:13:06,997 --> 01:13:10,216 I'm having a great time. Let's just have fun, okay? 1252 01:13:12,092 --> 01:13:14,345 - Ooh. - No, I don't- Oh. 1253 01:13:15,596 --> 01:13:19,016 - Whoo! Let's go dance. - Playin' in a rock and roll band 1254 01:13:20,267 --> 01:13:22,436 I never had no problems, yeah 1255 01:13:24,855 --> 01:13:27,358 Burnin 'down the one-nightstands 1256 01:13:29,026 --> 01:13:31,320 And everything around me, yeah 1257 01:14:17,783 --> 01:14:19,577 - Amen. - Amen. 1258 01:14:21,579 --> 01:14:23,789 - Oh, my! - Sicko. Sicko. 1259 01:14:26,041 --> 01:14:28,592 I can't laugh. My spleen hurts. I'm so full. 1260 01:14:28,627 --> 01:14:31,755 How did you stay such a skinny kid in this household with you cooking like this? 1261 01:14:31,790 --> 01:14:33,848 He was always blessed. He got my genes. 1262 01:14:33,883 --> 01:14:36,427 Ethan, on the other hand, that's another story. 1263 01:14:36,428 --> 01:14:38,971 When he was a kid, he was such a little chub. 1264 01:14:39,638 --> 01:14:41,265 He actually had to miss school one day 1265 01:14:41,266 --> 01:14:42,892 because he couldn't fit into any of his pants. 1266 01:14:42,927 --> 01:14:46,604 - You're joking. - No, it's the truth. He had to call in fat. 1267 01:14:47,980 --> 01:14:51,609 Mom, he never called in fat. Come on. Give the guy a break. 1268 01:14:52,067 --> 01:14:54,118 He looks so good these days. You should see him. 1269 01:14:54,153 --> 01:14:57,072 He's been working out with a trainer. Jackie's got him on this- this regimen. 1270 01:14:57,107 --> 01:14:59,999 I mean, he looks very trim and slim. He looks good. 1271 01:15:00,034 --> 01:15:02,626 He's looking very trim because she don't know how to cook. 1272 01:15:02,661 --> 01:15:06,207 She's a good cook. You might find that out if you ever tried some of her food. 1273 01:15:06,242 --> 01:15:09,335 I don't wanna talk about this any more. Get it? 1274 01:15:09,627 --> 01:15:11,629 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1275 01:15:12,713 --> 01:15:16,091 - What were we talking about? - The meal was so good. 1276 01:15:16,300 --> 01:15:17,975 This was so good. Thank you. 1277 01:15:18,010 --> 01:15:19,685 - Hear! Hear! As always. - All right. Yep. 1278 01:15:19,720 --> 01:15:23,161 Somebody's gotta feed all these skinny people in the world. 1279 01:15:23,196 --> 01:15:26,602 Okay, now you guys get the dishes, and the ladies will talk. 1280 01:15:28,479 --> 01:15:31,398 Jake, put on some water for tea, will you? 1281 01:15:51,502 --> 01:15:54,755 It's like a fairy tale, these flowers framing you. 1282 01:15:56,549 --> 01:15:58,676 That's called a chuppah. 1283 01:15:59,051 --> 01:16:00,344 Wow. 1284 01:16:02,388 --> 01:16:05,349 Oh, my God. You look so beautiful together. 1285 01:16:07,977 --> 01:16:10,771 Please. We were so young. We were kids. 1286 01:16:12,273 --> 01:16:15,616 As much grief as I give Jake, I think you're all doing it the right way. 1287 01:16:15,651 --> 01:16:18,153 It takes at least ten years to get to know 1288 01:16:18,154 --> 01:16:20,656 yourself well enough to stop being a total idiot. 1289 01:16:21,031 --> 01:16:24,869 It's hard enough without binding yourself to another total idiot. 1290 01:16:25,286 --> 01:16:27,851 Well, what's scary is, when you spend those ten years... 1291 01:16:27,886 --> 01:16:30,381 going after the things you thought were important... 1292 01:16:30,416 --> 01:16:32,730 get those things, and then feel a sneaking 1293 01:16:32,731 --> 01:16:35,045 suspicion that you went after the wrong things... 1294 01:16:35,080 --> 01:16:38,382 and that where the important things are concerned... 1295 01:16:38,507 --> 01:16:40,759 you're still a total idiot. 1296 01:16:42,094 --> 01:16:44,763 - Can I ask you a question? - Mm-hmm. 1297 01:16:46,348 --> 01:16:48,475 Is my son a good kisser? 1298 01:16:50,144 --> 01:16:52,375 You're in a very good mood. 1299 01:16:52,410 --> 01:16:54,607 I'm usually in a good mood. 1300 01:16:54,690 --> 01:16:57,902 But you're in a particularly good mood right now. 1301 01:16:57,937 --> 01:16:59,827 Okay, yes. Yes, I am. 1302 01:16:59,862 --> 01:17:02,156 I'm in a- a very good mood. 1303 01:17:03,490 --> 01:17:06,076 Okay. Do you wanna share anything? 1304 01:17:10,789 --> 01:17:13,375 Not quite yet. Maybe soon, though. 1305 01:17:14,043 --> 01:17:15,294 - Really? - Yeah. - Soon? 1306 01:17:15,329 --> 01:17:16,927 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. 1307 01:17:16,962 --> 01:17:19,131 - Well, you let me know, okay? - I will. I will. 1308 01:17:19,166 --> 01:17:21,098 I'll be looking out for that. 1309 01:17:21,133 --> 01:17:24,678 - No, that's what she said- That's what- - Ridiculous. 1310 01:17:25,846 --> 01:17:28,599 - I'm so sorry. - Jesus, what happened? 1311 01:17:30,768 --> 01:17:32,193 Nothing. 1312 01:17:32,228 --> 01:17:34,313 Girl talk. We're fine. 1313 01:17:38,234 --> 01:17:41,153 I didn't go into explicit detail, but she knows we weren't holding hands. 1314 01:17:41,188 --> 01:17:44,406 God! I can't believe you did that. We agreed this was between us. 1315 01:17:44,441 --> 01:17:46,749 Jake, I didn't tell her. She figured it out on her own. 1316 01:17:46,784 --> 01:17:50,704 - Well, did you at least try to deny it? - Come on, Jake. She knew! 1317 01:17:50,955 --> 01:17:53,172 Oh. No wonder she was crying. 1318 01:17:53,207 --> 01:17:55,090 You know, I was crying too, all right? 1319 01:17:55,125 --> 01:17:57,795 We had a very nice talk about it, to be honest with you. 1320 01:17:57,830 --> 01:18:00,262 Yes, she was upset, but she was not angry. 1321 01:18:00,297 --> 01:18:01,590 - Yeah, no, that's the face she put on for you. 1322 01:18:01,591 --> 01:18:02,883 I don't think so. 1323 01:18:02,918 --> 01:18:04,850 I know, okay? All right? 1324 01:18:04,885 --> 01:18:08,931 I mean, trust me. You have no idea the nightmare that I'm in for now. 1325 01:18:09,056 --> 01:18:13,060 All right, you know what? This is not a nightmare, okay? So stop it. 1326 01:18:13,102 --> 01:18:14,895 Hey, look at me. 1327 01:18:16,438 --> 01:18:18,023 Look at me. 1328 01:18:21,694 --> 01:18:25,072 - I am in love with you, Jake. - Yeah, I love you too. 1329 01:18:25,865 --> 01:18:28,499 No, you are in love with me, you jerk. 1330 01:18:28,534 --> 01:18:31,120 You just won't say it because you're scared of what it involves. 1331 01:18:31,155 --> 01:18:33,455 - Yes, I am. - Yeah, me too. 1332 01:18:33,539 --> 01:18:35,728 But I'm dealing with it because I am overwhelmed 1333 01:18:35,729 --> 01:18:37,918 by this feeling that I have for you... 1334 01:18:37,953 --> 01:18:40,188 and I want to see if I can work it out. 1335 01:18:40,223 --> 01:18:42,423 - Great. How do I work it out? - Okay. 1336 01:18:42,458 --> 01:18:44,842 Let's just take it from the top. 1337 01:18:45,050 --> 01:18:47,803 Don't talk to me about your mother or your brother or your synagogue. 1338 01:18:47,838 --> 01:18:50,521 Just you. What do you need to work it out? 1339 01:18:50,556 --> 01:18:54,685 Those things are me. Do you understand that? I can't separate them out. 1340 01:18:54,852 --> 01:18:57,604 I mean, it might be hard for you to accept, but the 1341 01:18:57,605 --> 01:19:00,357 fact that you're not Jewish is a real problem for me. 1342 01:19:00,399 --> 01:19:02,234 I don't think so. 1343 01:19:02,902 --> 01:19:05,091 Okay, okay, okay. A- All I'm saying, Jake... 1344 01:19:05,126 --> 01:19:07,267 is I think you should be honest with yourself. 1345 01:19:07,302 --> 01:19:09,373 Because I think if it was just up to you... 1346 01:19:09,408 --> 01:19:12,084 you would stick with this and see where this relationship is going... 1347 01:19:12,119 --> 01:19:14,371 but it's a problem for you because you assume that 1348 01:19:14,372 --> 01:19:16,624 all the people in your life can't deal with that. 1349 01:19:16,659 --> 01:19:19,335 - No, they can't. - Well, give them a little credit, Jake. 1350 01:19:19,370 --> 01:19:21,594 - It's the 21st century. - "The 21st century"? 1351 01:19:21,629 --> 01:19:24,221 What the hell does the 21st century have to do with anything? 1352 01:19:24,256 --> 01:19:26,446 This is you and me, right? I thought we were supposed 1353 01:19:26,447 --> 01:19:28,636 to be just having a good time, keep it simple. 1354 01:19:28,671 --> 01:19:31,764 - Well, that's my point. I'm having fun. - I'm having fun too. 1355 01:19:31,799 --> 01:19:34,242 This is a lot of fun. Whoo! Fun! 1356 01:19:34,277 --> 01:19:36,685 Well, exactly. So why throw it away? 1357 01:19:41,690 --> 01:19:45,110 Look, maybe you're right, but can't you see that you're asking me... 1358 01:19:45,145 --> 01:19:48,072 to risk losing everything that's important to me... 1359 01:19:48,107 --> 01:19:50,115 just to see if we work? 1360 01:19:52,368 --> 01:19:55,079 I mean, I love you, but- but- but- 1361 01:19:55,746 --> 01:19:57,873 we're so different in so many ways that have 1362 01:19:57,874 --> 01:20:00,000 nothing to do with whether or not you're Jewish. 1363 01:20:00,035 --> 01:20:02,145 What are you saying? 1364 01:20:02,146 --> 01:20:04,255 - I'm saying we have totally different priorities. 1365 01:20:04,630 --> 01:20:06,222 Look at your life. 1366 01:20:06,257 --> 01:20:10,427 I don't think there's room in it for what I've spiritually committed to. 1367 01:20:12,137 --> 01:20:14,014 That is so unfair. 1368 01:20:16,433 --> 01:20:19,770 Your faith is a huge part of what I love about you... 1369 01:20:20,855 --> 01:20:22,988 but you have to have some patience for the fact... 1370 01:20:23,023 --> 01:20:26,902 that it doesn't come as easily for most people as it does for you. 1371 01:20:27,570 --> 01:20:29,530 And you know what? You are never going to find 1372 01:20:29,531 --> 01:20:31,490 the kind of relationship that I know you want... 1373 01:20:31,525 --> 01:20:35,578 and you are never going to be the kind of spiritual leader that you could be... 1374 01:20:35,613 --> 01:20:38,998 until you learn to put a little faith in other people. 1375 01:20:40,624 --> 01:20:42,466 I'm not saying, "Let's get married. " 1376 01:20:42,501 --> 01:20:47,047 All I'm saying is that I am in love with you, and I want to give it a real shot. 1377 01:20:47,464 --> 01:20:49,508 That's all I'm saying. 1378 01:20:50,718 --> 01:20:52,887 I don't know what to say. 1379 01:20:53,012 --> 01:20:55,639 How about "I've been waiting for someone like 1380 01:20:55,640 --> 01:20:58,267 you my whole life, and I'm not gonna let you go"? 1381 01:21:04,607 --> 01:21:06,150 I'm sorry. 1382 01:21:07,818 --> 01:21:10,487 You think you're sorry now. Wait till you realize 1383 01:21:10,488 --> 01:21:13,157 I just went out that door and I'm not coming back. 1384 01:21:16,493 --> 01:21:19,079 This is my apartment. You get out. 1385 01:21:26,253 --> 01:21:29,013 This is for you. Who's calling at this hour? This is barbaric. 1386 01:21:29,048 --> 01:21:33,219 - I don't know. I'm sorry. - I was dreaming about my mother's sausages. 1387 01:21:34,136 --> 01:21:36,013 - Hello? - Brian? 1388 01:21:36,597 --> 01:21:38,474 Hey, what's wrong? 1389 01:21:39,099 --> 01:21:42,311 I need to talk to you. Can you come over? Please? 1390 01:21:42,603 --> 01:21:45,606 Look- Don't move, okay? I'll be right over. 1391 01:21:45,648 --> 01:21:48,025 No, I'll be right there. Okay. 1392 01:22:06,877 --> 01:22:08,546 - Hi. - Are you okay? 1393 01:22:08,581 --> 01:22:10,047 Terrific! 1394 01:22:10,506 --> 01:22:12,716 - I came running right over. - I'm sorry. 1395 01:22:12,751 --> 01:22:14,767 I didn't mean to call you so late. 1396 01:22:14,802 --> 01:22:16,282 No, it's fine, it's fine. Don't worry about it. What 1397 01:22:16,283 --> 01:22:17,763 What's going on? What's wrong? 1398 01:22:17,798 --> 01:22:19,720 - Everything. - What do you mean? 1399 01:22:19,755 --> 01:22:21,607 - Me! - What do you mean, you? 1400 01:22:21,642 --> 01:22:24,520 - You- You're perfect. - I-I am a loser! 1401 01:22:24,854 --> 01:22:27,106 You're a world-beater. What are you talking about? 1402 01:22:27,141 --> 01:22:30,109 - I am a workaholic. - No, you're not. You- 1403 01:22:31,402 --> 01:22:35,906 Okay, yes, you are, you are, but you're our workaholic, and we're very proud of you. 1404 01:22:35,941 --> 01:22:37,700 - So- - Brian? 1405 01:22:38,325 --> 01:22:40,376 - What? - You're my friend... 1406 01:22:40,411 --> 01:22:44,081 and if I ask you something, you'll answer me honestly, right? 1407 01:22:44,707 --> 01:22:47,251 Of course I will. You know I will. 1408 01:22:47,543 --> 01:22:50,713 When you look at me, when you look at my life... 1409 01:22:50,880 --> 01:22:55,426 do you say to yourself, "Now there's a girl whose values are all out of whack"? 1410 01:22:56,302 --> 01:22:58,971 No, and certainly not in that voice. 1411 01:22:59,006 --> 01:23:00,896 - Have I got no spirit? - What? 1412 01:23:00,931 --> 01:23:03,184 I don't mean "spirit. " I know I'm fun to hang out with. 1413 01:23:03,219 --> 01:23:06,270 But, I mean, does my life seem shallow to you? 1414 01:23:07,605 --> 01:23:10,065 - Am I spiritually empty? - No. 1415 01:23:10,357 --> 01:23:12,484 Are you- Are you crazy? 1416 01:23:12,526 --> 01:23:14,924 You've got 1417 01:23:14,925 --> 01:23:16,124 - You've got more spirit in you than half the 1418 01:23:16,125 --> 01:23:17,323 goofballs running around in robes out there. 1419 01:23:17,358 --> 01:23:20,326 What- You're a natural. You radiate. What- 1420 01:23:21,452 --> 01:23:25,289 Trust me. What- What's going on here? What's this really about? 1421 01:23:27,249 --> 01:23:30,085 I don't even know where to begin, Brian. 1422 01:23:30,211 --> 01:23:34,340 You're my best friend, and I have been keeping all this stuff from you. 1423 01:23:34,840 --> 01:23:36,759 All these feelings. 1424 01:23:37,092 --> 01:23:41,722 And, um, now, something has happened, and I can't keep it from you any more. I feel bad. 1425 01:23:41,757 --> 01:23:44,221 - No, it's okay. I understand. - No, it's not okay. 1426 01:23:44,256 --> 01:23:46,650 I have some things I have to tell you, and I feel bad. 1427 01:23:46,685 --> 01:23:49,271 I know, me too, me too. I have things I gotta tell you too. 1428 01:23:49,306 --> 01:23:51,228 - But mine are big. - No. - Mine are really bad... 1429 01:23:51,263 --> 01:23:53,115 - No. - and I think I need to get it off because- 1430 01:23:53,150 --> 01:23:56,612 - Okay. It's okay. - Oh, please, just listen. I don't- 1431 01:24:00,533 --> 01:24:02,743 - I love you too. - What? 1432 01:24:05,246 --> 01:24:07,310 I love you. That's what you're trying to say, but you're 1433 01:24:07,311 --> 01:24:09,375 scared because it's me, and so I'm gonna say it first. 1434 01:24:09,410 --> 01:24:10,709 But- 1435 01:24:13,337 --> 01:24:15,214 - Br-Brian, um- - No, it's okay. Trust me. 1436 01:24:15,249 --> 01:24:17,223 - Oh, Brian. - Trust me, trust me. 1437 01:24:17,258 --> 01:24:18,884 - We can't fight it. It's too strong. - What? 1438 01:24:18,919 --> 01:24:20,427 It's okay. 1439 01:24:21,470 --> 01:24:23,389 No, Brian, I can't! 1440 01:24:27,142 --> 01:24:29,270 It's the vows, isn't it? 1441 01:24:30,312 --> 01:24:32,738 It's the vows. They make you feel guilty. 1442 01:24:32,773 --> 01:24:34,921 I can't believe it. God, I should have never had 1443 01:24:34,922 --> 01:24:37,069 that sex talk with you on the bridge that day. 1444 01:24:37,104 --> 01:24:38,327 - I knew it. - No. - I knew it. 1445 01:24:38,362 --> 01:24:41,907 In the back of my head was this little voice saying, "Don't go there. She's- " 1446 01:24:41,942 --> 01:24:43,659 - Brian, you don't understand. - You wanna know something? 1447 01:24:43,694 --> 01:24:46,954 Right now, first time ever, I feel jealous of Jake. 1448 01:24:47,788 --> 01:24:51,208 I envy him, you know, 'cause this would be so easy if I was him. 1449 01:24:51,243 --> 01:24:52,550 - Brian- - I picked the wrong gig. 1450 01:24:52,585 --> 01:24:54,802 - Brian, let me talk to you. - Come on, come on. Admit it. 1451 01:24:54,837 --> 01:24:56,734 If I wasn't a priest, if I was a rabbi, you 1452 01:24:56,735 --> 01:24:58,632 could fall in love with me without this guilt. 1453 01:24:58,667 --> 01:25:00,759 - Listen to me! - What? 1454 01:25:02,803 --> 01:25:04,972 I'm in love with a rabbi. 1455 01:25:06,515 --> 01:25:09,018 - Sorry? - I'm in love with Jake. 1456 01:25:10,644 --> 01:25:11,979 Yeah. 1457 01:25:15,357 --> 01:25:18,027 That's what I was trying to tell you. 1458 01:25:20,279 --> 01:25:23,490 I'm- I'm stunned. I mean, I'm- I'm- I'm stunned. 1459 01:25:23,525 --> 01:25:25,993 I'm- I'm- I'm paralyzed. What- 1460 01:25:30,080 --> 01:25:33,000 Excuse me. My mouth just went all dry. I- 1461 01:25:33,375 --> 01:25:34,884 I can't believe this. 1462 01:25:34,919 --> 01:25:37,505 When- When did this- this happen? 1463 01:25:37,755 --> 01:25:40,716 - We've been together since July. - July? Oh! 1464 01:25:42,426 --> 01:25:43,886 Ah. July. 1465 01:25:44,345 --> 01:25:47,348 We knew we should have told you, but we just weren't sure how you'd react... 1466 01:25:47,383 --> 01:25:49,857 and we thought it would be the better choice. 1467 01:25:49,892 --> 01:25:52,311 No, no, no. I'm 1468 01:25:52,312 --> 01:25:54,730 - I'm glad you saved it, 'cause it's definitely less weird for me now. 1469 01:25:54,813 --> 01:25:56,524 Brian, could- 1470 01:25:56,982 --> 01:26:00,611 Brian! Come on. Let's just talk about this. You don't drink. 1471 01:26:00,778 --> 01:26:03,037 Excuse me, but I think in light of recent revelations... 1472 01:26:03,072 --> 01:26:05,595 neither of us is in a position to say what the 1473 01:26:05,596 --> 01:26:08,118 other one does or does not do with much authority. 1474 01:26:08,153 --> 01:26:10,371 Wouldn't you say? Oh, God! 1475 01:26:12,331 --> 01:26:14,729 You must think I'm such an idiot. 1476 01:26:14,764 --> 01:26:17,127 - No, Brian. - No, no, no. I mean... 1477 01:26:17,162 --> 01:26:18,761 I think I'm an idiot. 1478 01:26:18,796 --> 01:26:21,013 I mean, all these moments with you. 1479 01:26:21,048 --> 01:26:24,385 You know, I've been walking around on a cloud and... 1480 01:26:24,844 --> 01:26:27,680 it's just been reflected glow off of you and Jake. 1481 01:26:27,715 --> 01:26:29,473 That's not true. 1482 01:26:30,516 --> 01:26:32,601 I'm so embarrassed. I- 1483 01:26:34,144 --> 01:26:37,189 God, talk about a bad case of the third wheel. 1484 01:26:38,941 --> 01:26:41,068 - Oh, Brian. - It's like I'm on some... 1485 01:26:41,103 --> 01:26:43,362 bad new Aaron Spelling show. 1486 01:26:44,321 --> 01:26:46,448 - Melrose Priest. - No. 1487 01:26:46,574 --> 01:26:49,910 I don't- I don't get this, you know? Why- Why now? 1488 01:26:50,160 --> 01:26:53,170 Why tell me like this, after months and months of lying? 1489 01:26:53,205 --> 01:26:56,959 Why call me over in the middle of the night and cry to me and- 1490 01:27:00,546 --> 01:27:03,007 He broke up with you, didn't he? 1491 01:27:06,010 --> 01:27:10,181 That moron broke up with you, and you called your old friend the priest. 1492 01:27:10,472 --> 01:27:12,892 - Well, I- - No, no, it makes total sense. 1493 01:27:12,927 --> 01:27:14,476 It's just... 1494 01:27:15,019 --> 01:27:17,813 tonight I really didn't want to be one. 1495 01:27:19,273 --> 01:27:20,816 Oh, Brian. 1496 01:28:32,763 --> 01:28:35,266 Yes. Yeah, I've heard about that. 1497 01:28:35,516 --> 01:28:38,108 And my grandfather and my father were both mohels. 1498 01:28:38,143 --> 01:28:40,855 Excuse me, folks. Folks, I'd like to make a toast to the- 1499 01:28:40,890 --> 01:28:43,649 Rabbi Jacob Schram? Rabbi Jacob Schram? 1500 01:28:45,901 --> 01:28:48,153 Oh, Rabbi Jacob Schram. Oh. 1501 01:28:49,780 --> 01:28:51,824 - Hello. - Excuse me. 1502 01:28:52,032 --> 01:28:53,513 May I help you? 1503 01:28:53,514 --> 01:28:54,994 - Yes, you may, may you. I am Father Brian Finn. 1504 01:28:55,029 --> 01:28:58,247 I'm looking for my old friend, Rabbi Jacob Schram. 1505 01:28:58,497 --> 01:29:00,853 - And there he is. - Brian, what's going on? 1506 01:29:00,888 --> 01:29:03,175 Looking smart and breaking hearts as always. 1507 01:29:03,210 --> 01:29:06,088 - Brian, what are you doing here? - Don't smile at me. 1508 01:29:06,123 --> 01:29:08,086 Okay? 'Cause I'm on to you, and I'm in no mood. 1509 01:29:08,121 --> 01:29:10,050 - What's going on here? - Yeah, your jig is so up. 1510 01:29:10,085 --> 01:29:12,309 - Yeah, you're drunk. - I'm not drunk. 1511 01:29:12,344 --> 01:29:14,221 - You're drunk. - I'm not drunk. I'm Irish. - You're very- 1512 01:29:14,256 --> 01:29:16,522 I'm Irish. This is milk to me, baby. 1513 01:29:16,557 --> 01:29:17,892 - What the hell is going on here? - Milk. 1514 01:29:17,927 --> 01:29:19,942 - It's okay. - It's not okay. 1515 01:29:19,977 --> 01:29:23,105 My best friend has been lying to me for months. 1516 01:29:24,732 --> 01:29:28,110 And he stole my girlfriend on top of it. You wanna explain this? 1517 01:29:28,145 --> 01:29:29,862 - Come here. - No, no, no, no, no. - Did I miss something? 1518 01:29:29,897 --> 01:29:31,405 - Hey, hey, hey! - Did they change the rules? 1519 01:29:31,440 --> 01:29:33,616 Take your hands off of me! 1520 01:29:35,993 --> 01:29:38,085 - What? - Give me that. Give me that! 1521 01:29:38,120 --> 01:29:40,497 - I can't believe you. - You know, you better not lie in here, man. 1522 01:29:40,532 --> 01:29:42,840 This is- This is the big room. God does not look favorably on it. 1523 01:29:42,875 --> 01:29:44,209 - He has a tendency to throw lightning bolts and things... 1524 01:29:44,210 --> 01:29:45,544 All right. 1525 01:29:45,579 --> 01:29:47,386 - at liars! - All right, how did you find out? 1526 01:29:47,421 --> 01:29:51,050 "How'd you find out? How- " Is that the best you can do? 1527 01:29:51,175 --> 01:29:53,093 - How do you think? - Oh, she told you. 1528 01:29:53,128 --> 01:29:55,012 Yeah, when she was crying on my shoulder. 1529 01:29:55,047 --> 01:29:56,687 What did you expect? 1530 01:29:56,722 --> 01:29:59,391 You know, did you think she was just gonna, like, take it on the chin for you... 1531 01:29:59,426 --> 01:30:00,983 after the way you treated her? 1532 01:30:01,018 --> 01:30:04,438 - Oh, hey, hey, wait a minute. - No, you listen to me. 1533 01:30:04,605 --> 01:30:07,781 Anna is very special, okay? She's not like other girls. 1534 01:30:07,816 --> 01:30:10,993 And you said some things to her that I resent on her behalf. 1535 01:30:11,028 --> 01:30:14,031 You can't- You can't just write her off like one of your dates, Jake. 1536 01:30:14,066 --> 01:30:17,260 - I won't let you do it. - Brian, I'm in love with her! 1537 01:30:17,295 --> 01:30:20,454 Okay? I'm sorry that you found out about it this way. 1538 01:30:20,788 --> 01:30:23,603 It sucks, but the fact is that we have to work it out together. 1539 01:30:23,638 --> 01:30:26,238 - It's between me and her. - No, it was between you and her. 1540 01:30:26,273 --> 01:30:28,838 And then you mucked things up, and now it's between you and me. 1541 01:30:28,873 --> 01:30:32,216 - Why is it between you and me? - Because I love her. 1542 01:30:32,251 --> 01:30:34,885 I know you love her. I love her too. 1543 01:30:34,927 --> 01:30:37,096 No. I'm in love with her. 1544 01:30:39,807 --> 01:30:41,746 What? 1545 01:30:41,747 --> 01:30:43,686 - Yeah, it came as quite a shock to her too, believe me. 1546 01:30:48,232 --> 01:30:49,949 You're in love with her? 1547 01:30:49,984 --> 01:30:53,591 No one seems to have picked up on this. It's very strange. 1548 01:30:53,626 --> 01:30:57,199 I- It's just- I mean, she's like your sister, Brian. It's- 1549 01:30:57,783 --> 01:31:01,078 Yes, thank you for adding new depth to my confusion. 1550 01:31:02,371 --> 01:31:06,500 Damn it, Jake, you have a whole city full of women, you know, at your feet. 1551 01:31:06,535 --> 01:31:08,342 You could go out with anyone you want to. 1552 01:31:08,377 --> 01:31:10,900 Why did you have to go and hone in on the first 1553 01:31:10,901 --> 01:31:13,424 woman I've ever had any real romantic feeling for? 1554 01:31:13,459 --> 01:31:16,100 Oh! Wait a minute! Listen to what you're saying. 1555 01:31:16,135 --> 01:31:19,430 You're telling me that I should have been sensitive to the possibility... 1556 01:31:19,465 --> 01:31:22,815 that a Catholic priest had a crush on my secret girlfriend. 1557 01:31:22,850 --> 01:31:25,436 So what? So what? You know how much I care about her, 1558 01:31:25,437 --> 01:31:28,022 and you could have guessed it would end up this way. 1559 01:31:28,057 --> 01:31:31,042 - I mean, you know yourself. - I know myself? What does that mean? 1560 01:31:31,077 --> 01:31:33,845 You're always trying to have these casual flings and relationships... 1561 01:31:33,880 --> 01:31:36,579 and it never works because the women always fall in love with you... 1562 01:31:36,614 --> 01:31:39,909 - 'cause you're so smart and funny and cute and yada-yada... - What are- Hey. Hey! Hey! 1563 01:31:39,944 --> 01:31:42,001 - and you know it! - Hey, don't put this all on me. 1564 01:31:42,036 --> 01:31:44,962 Why? Why? You could have had a fling with anybody, Jake. 1565 01:31:44,997 --> 01:31:47,082 - Why did you have to pull Anna into your bed? 1566 01:31:47,083 --> 01:31:49,168 I didn't pull her into my bed. 1567 01:31:49,203 --> 01:31:50,843 I don't want to hear that. I don't believe that. 1568 01:31:50,878 --> 01:31:54,715 Sorry. It's the truth. She's a woman. She's not the Virgin Mary! 1569 01:31:57,134 --> 01:31:58,385 Ow! 1570 01:32:10,606 --> 01:32:12,942 Um, let me get this straight. 1571 01:32:13,234 --> 01:32:15,486 I am talking to a priest... 1572 01:32:16,820 --> 01:32:20,324 who went on a bender because his best friend, a rabbi... 1573 01:32:21,283 --> 01:32:23,035 stole his girl. 1574 01:32:23,070 --> 01:32:24,411 Right. 1575 01:32:25,579 --> 01:32:27,081 Thank you. 1576 01:32:27,498 --> 01:32:30,543 I want to thank you for telling me this story. 1577 01:32:31,043 --> 01:32:33,629 - Why? - Because now I can retire. 1578 01:32:34,421 --> 01:32:38,133 You have to give me advice. That's what this is supposed to be about. 1579 01:32:38,168 --> 01:32:40,302 Oh, God. What do I know? 1580 01:32:40,845 --> 01:32:43,097 I'm a ha If Punjabi Sikh... 1581 01:32:43,132 --> 01:32:45,349 one-quarter Tamil separatist. 1582 01:32:45,391 --> 01:32:48,853 My sister's married to a Jewish doctor from New Jersey... 1583 01:32:48,978 --> 01:32:51,111 and our other grandmother... 1584 01:32:51,146 --> 01:32:55,067 was an Irish nun who left me this bar, which is a very long story. 1585 01:32:58,028 --> 01:33:01,240 You're a Sikh Catholic Muslim with Jewish in-laws? 1586 01:33:01,282 --> 01:33:02,783 Yes. Yes. 1587 01:33:04,034 --> 01:33:06,203 It gets very complicated. 1588 01:33:06,245 --> 01:33:08,289 I'm reading Dianetics. 1589 01:33:09,582 --> 01:33:11,458 I don't blame you. 1590 01:33:15,379 --> 01:33:17,138 I thank you for listening to me. 1591 01:33:17,173 --> 01:33:20,134 I feel like I should ask you for my penance. 1592 01:33:20,169 --> 01:33:22,595 I don't do penance. I do shots. 1593 01:33:35,566 --> 01:33:37,776 I'll tell you what I know. 1594 01:33:38,277 --> 01:33:40,654 May those who love us love us. 1595 01:33:41,322 --> 01:33:43,595 And those who don't love us... 1596 01:33:43,630 --> 01:33:45,868 may God turn their hearts. 1597 01:33:46,202 --> 01:33:48,871 And if He cannot turn their hearts... 1598 01:33:49,079 --> 01:33:51,332 may He turn their ankles... 1599 01:33:51,624 --> 01:33:54,543 so that we may know them by their limping. 1600 01:34:12,811 --> 01:34:14,688 I'll tell you why I 1601 01:34:16,232 --> 01:34:18,567 Don't wanna know where you are 1602 01:34:19,818 --> 01:34:21,612 I got a joke I been 1603 01:34:23,197 --> 01:34:24,990 Dying to tell you 1604 01:34:26,534 --> 01:34:28,577 A silent kidis looking 1605 01:34:30,120 --> 01:34:31,872 Down the barrel 1606 01:34:33,582 --> 01:34:36,252 To make the noise that I kept so quiet 1607 01:34:40,548 --> 01:34:42,716 Kept it from you, pitseleh 1608 01:34:53,727 --> 01:34:55,312 Anna? Anna? 1609 01:34:56,814 --> 01:34:59,275 - Hmm. - I'm not what's missing 1610 01:35:00,901 --> 01:35:02,695 From your life now 1611 01:35:04,488 --> 01:35:06,866 I could never be the puzzle pieces 1612 01:35:11,245 --> 01:35:13,581 They say that God makes problems 1613 01:35:14,832 --> 01:35:17,168 Just to see what you can stand 1614 01:35:18,335 --> 01:35:20,838 Before you do as the devil pleases 1615 01:35:25,342 --> 01:35:27,511 Give up the thing you love 1616 01:35:30,139 --> 01:35:32,391 Hey, Brian. It's me again. 1617 01:35:34,018 --> 01:35:35,943 Please call me, okay, Finn? 1618 01:35:35,978 --> 01:35:38,480 Brian, call Anna. Please to call. 1619 01:35:39,648 --> 01:35:42,735 Seriously. I really wanna talk to you, okay? Bye. 1620 01:35:52,620 --> 01:35:55,915 I remember I fell in love with this girl in Prague. 1621 01:35:56,123 --> 01:35:57,791 Was in 1968. 1622 01:35:59,502 --> 01:36:02,525 She was beautiful. She looked like Carole Lombard. 1623 01:36:02,560 --> 01:36:05,549 She grabbed me. It was in the alley behind my church. 1624 01:36:05,584 --> 01:36:08,677 She pressed me against the wall. She kissed me. 1625 01:36:10,095 --> 01:36:13,140 I felt like Richard Chamberlain in The Thorn Birds, you know... 1626 01:36:13,175 --> 01:36:15,267 in the barn with Maggie. 1627 01:36:16,060 --> 01:36:18,312 I was so happy I could die. 1628 01:36:20,856 --> 01:36:23,734 You've never told me this. What- Did anything happen between you? 1629 01:36:23,769 --> 01:36:25,319 Not really. 1630 01:36:25,945 --> 01:36:28,162 Flirtations, little moments... 1631 01:36:28,197 --> 01:36:31,158 but then soon after the Russians invaded Czechoslovakia... 1632 01:36:31,193 --> 01:36:33,702 and I moved to the United States. 1633 01:36:38,541 --> 01:36:41,252 I don't know. I'll tell you something. 1634 01:36:41,287 --> 01:36:43,504 If she had kissed me back... 1635 01:36:43,796 --> 01:36:46,799 I don't think I'd be sitting here right now. 1636 01:36:47,800 --> 01:36:50,135 I would have given it all up. 1637 01:36:51,595 --> 01:36:53,764 I mean, she didn't, but- 1638 01:36:54,473 --> 01:36:56,976 I don't know. I just- I keep thinking about what you said in the seminary... 1639 01:36:57,011 --> 01:37:00,271 about how, you know, the life of a priest is hard... 1640 01:37:00,479 --> 01:37:04,525 and if- and if you can see yourself being happy doing anything else... 1641 01:37:04,560 --> 01:37:06,443 you should do that. 1642 01:37:07,653 --> 01:37:09,884 Well- Well, that was my recruitment pitch... 1643 01:37:09,919 --> 01:37:12,498 which is not bad when you are starting out... 1644 01:37:12,533 --> 01:37:15,077 because makes you feel like, like a marine. 1645 01:37:18,747 --> 01:37:20,499 The truth is... 1646 01:37:20,541 --> 01:37:24,587 you can never tell yourself that there is only one thing you could be. 1647 01:37:25,296 --> 01:37:28,257 If you're a priest or if you marry a woman... 1648 01:37:28,966 --> 01:37:31,093 it's the same challenge. 1649 01:37:31,969 --> 01:37:34,638 You cannot make a real commitment... 1650 01:37:35,681 --> 01:37:38,475 unless you accept that it's a choice... 1651 01:37:40,227 --> 01:37:43,355 that you keep making again and again and again. 1652 01:37:46,275 --> 01:37:48,903 I've been a priest over 40 years... 1653 01:37:49,361 --> 01:37:52,448 and I fell in love at least once every decade. 1654 01:37:54,491 --> 01:37:57,745 You're not gonna tell me what to do here, are you? 1655 01:37:57,912 --> 01:38:00,498 No. God will give you your answer. 1656 01:38:14,845 --> 01:38:16,138 Hey. 1657 01:38:16,805 --> 01:38:18,933 - Hey. - How you doin'? 1658 01:38:22,645 --> 01:38:24,438 Well, what's up? 1659 01:38:25,272 --> 01:38:27,983 - Well, I know you're probably still mad at me- - "Probably"? 1660 01:38:28,018 --> 01:38:30,993 No, I'm definitely, definitely still mad, you know? 1661 01:38:31,028 --> 01:38:33,113 - Okay- - I hope you didn't think you were just gonna stroll over here... 1662 01:38:33,148 --> 01:38:35,241 after a couple of weeks and find me in a good mood or something. 1663 01:38:35,276 --> 01:38:37,493 No. I just said, "I know you're probably still mad at me. " 1664 01:38:37,528 --> 01:38:39,668 Yeah, well, what do you expect, you know? 1665 01:38:39,703 --> 01:38:41,796 I mean- I mean, you should have just told me. 1666 01:38:41,831 --> 01:38:43,541 You should have just told me, 'cause I'd 1667 01:38:43,542 --> 01:38:45,251 have said, "No," and I'd have been jealous... 1668 01:38:45,286 --> 01:38:46,978 and told you it was gonna muck everything 1669 01:38:46,979 --> 01:38:48,671 up, but at least we'd still have been friends. 1670 01:38:48,706 --> 01:38:51,340 We're still friends. Jesus, I hope we're still friends. 1671 01:38:51,375 --> 01:38:53,057 We-Well, friends don't lie to each other... 1672 01:38:53,092 --> 01:38:54,510 - and set each other up to be humiliated like that, Jake. 1673 01:38:54,511 --> 01:38:55,928 All right. 1674 01:38:55,963 --> 01:38:57,353 All right. Well, that's why I'm here. 1675 01:38:57,388 --> 01:39:00,537 That's why I wanted to, uh, apologize, if you let me talk for a second. 1676 01:39:00,572 --> 01:39:03,686 Well, uh, I wanna talk, you know? I- I've got all these things on my mind. 1677 01:39:03,721 --> 01:39:04,812 - Okay. - I wanna vent a little. - So talk! 1678 01:39:04,847 --> 01:39:05,903 - Let me vent. - Vent! 1679 01:39:05,938 --> 01:39:08,357 Come on. Vent. Go ahead. Vent. 1680 01:39:09,817 --> 01:39:11,151 Okay. 1681 01:39:14,071 --> 01:39:16,844 Well, now I lost my momentum. So, so go ahead. 1682 01:39:16,879 --> 01:39:19,618 S- Well, say- What do you wanna say? What? 1683 01:39:20,953 --> 01:39:24,915 I wanted to say that I think I handled things really badly and I'm sorry. 1684 01:39:24,950 --> 01:39:28,377 You're my best friend, and would you please forgive me? 1685 01:39:30,880 --> 01:39:33,966 - That was very simple and direct. - Thank you. 1686 01:39:35,176 --> 01:39:37,309 You know, you're lucky I am a priest... 1687 01:39:37,344 --> 01:39:40,264 'cause forgiveness kind of comes with the job description. 1688 01:39:40,299 --> 01:39:42,516 Well, you're a good priest. 1689 01:39:47,521 --> 01:39:49,607 I got something for you. 1690 01:39:49,857 --> 01:39:53,777 I almost didn't 'cause I was so mad at you, but this was too good. 1691 01:39:55,571 --> 01:39:58,831 Holy shit. That's the Rabbi Schlomo Schnurson rookie card. 1692 01:39:58,866 --> 01:40:00,722 This is like the last of the series. 1693 01:40:00,723 --> 01:40:02,578 - I know. You've been talking about this card for, like, 15 years. 1694 01:40:02,613 --> 01:40:04,371 - It's in such good condition too. - Yeah, it's mint. 1695 01:40:04,406 --> 01:40:07,249 - This is like- - Mint. I had to get it. 1696 01:40:08,083 --> 01:40:09,460 Brian! 1697 01:40:13,297 --> 01:40:14,798 Thank you. 1698 01:40:15,466 --> 01:40:17,468 Well, you're welcome. 1699 01:40:20,930 --> 01:40:24,412 You know, look. As pissed off as I was, the weird thing is... 1700 01:40:24,447 --> 01:40:27,895 I- I'm very sorry I didn't get to see you two together, you know? 1701 01:40:28,979 --> 01:40:32,233 I think that would have made me really happy in some weird way. 1702 01:40:32,268 --> 01:40:34,492 - So, have you talked to her? - No, no. 1703 01:40:34,527 --> 01:40:37,905 I mean, things are really strange between us now. I- 1704 01:40:40,866 --> 01:40:43,994 What about you? Are you guys talkin'? Are you workin' this out or anything? 1705 01:40:44,029 --> 01:40:45,412 No. No. 1706 01:40:46,956 --> 01:40:50,709 But that's kind of offset by the fact that I'm about to lose my job. 1707 01:40:50,744 --> 01:40:52,510 - You serious? - Uh-huh. 1708 01:40:52,545 --> 01:40:54,922 Whew. What a mess. I'm sorry. 1709 01:40:58,509 --> 01:41:01,887 Man, I was really starting to think I had a few things figured out there. 1710 01:41:01,922 --> 01:41:03,556 Yeah, me too. 1711 01:41:04,515 --> 01:41:06,225 What happened? 1712 01:41:14,859 --> 01:41:16,110 Hi. 1713 01:41:16,610 --> 01:41:19,529 Excuse me if I say that I don't think I'm the person... 1714 01:41:19,564 --> 01:41:22,449 to offer objective advice on this particular confession. 1715 01:41:23,659 --> 01:41:25,035 Brian. 1716 01:41:26,245 --> 01:41:27,621 Brian. 1717 01:41:29,832 --> 01:41:33,335 You don't have to say anything, okay? Just listen to me. 1718 01:41:33,836 --> 01:41:37,256 I just want to say one thing, and then I will go away. 1719 01:41:38,507 --> 01:41:39,932 You're my friend... 1720 01:41:39,967 --> 01:41:42,428 and whatever else is going on... 1721 01:41:43,137 --> 01:41:46,182 I can't have you out there thinking that my feelings for you... 1722 01:41:46,217 --> 01:41:48,847 are tied in to my feelings for Jake. 1723 01:41:48,882 --> 01:41:51,478 That's not the problem, and you know it. 1724 01:41:55,691 --> 01:41:57,818 I thought you wanted me. 1725 01:41:59,361 --> 01:42:01,614 And- And that affected me. 1726 01:42:04,366 --> 01:42:08,329 I don't know. I-I- Maybe that's not fair, and I'm reading all kinds of things wrong... 1727 01:42:08,364 --> 01:42:10,789 but it sure felt that way to me. 1728 01:42:19,340 --> 01:42:21,509 I don't know what to say. 1729 01:42:22,885 --> 01:42:24,303 I, um- 1730 01:42:26,972 --> 01:42:29,808 I've just been having so much fun, and... 1731 01:42:31,685 --> 01:42:34,480 I've been feeling all of these feelings lately... 1732 01:42:34,515 --> 01:42:36,982 and not just my feelings for Jake. 1733 01:42:37,942 --> 01:42:39,527 But this... 1734 01:42:41,362 --> 01:42:43,781 reconnecting with this part of myself... 1735 01:42:43,816 --> 01:42:46,200 that has been shut down for a long time. 1736 01:42:47,034 --> 01:42:49,954 And if I indulge those feelings too much with you... 1737 01:42:49,989 --> 01:42:52,915 or if I took you for granted, I am so sorry. 1738 01:42:55,626 --> 01:42:57,962 I can't bear that I hurt you. 1739 01:43:01,382 --> 01:43:03,509 Ah, it's not your fault. 1740 01:43:04,426 --> 01:43:06,929 I totally set myself up for this. 1741 01:43:08,430 --> 01:43:10,808 I'll tell you something, it's- I don't know which feels worse. 1742 01:43:10,843 --> 01:43:12,775 Having my heart broken... 1743 01:43:12,810 --> 01:43:16,272 or starting to doubt myself because of what that means for me. 1744 01:43:16,307 --> 01:43:18,649 Don't you dare doubt yourself. 1745 01:43:18,983 --> 01:43:21,534 You have a gift, and you know it... 1746 01:43:21,569 --> 01:43:23,946 and if you start to doubt that because of me... 1747 01:43:23,981 --> 01:43:26,323 Brian, I don't know what I would do with myself. 1748 01:43:26,358 --> 01:43:28,165 I don't doubt myself because of you. 1749 01:43:28,200 --> 01:43:30,744 I- I feel like the best version of myself around you... 1750 01:43:30,779 --> 01:43:33,581 and that makes me doubt everything else. 1751 01:43:36,542 --> 01:43:40,838 I don't know what to do, Brian. Just tell me what to do, and I will do it. 1752 01:43:59,982 --> 01:44:03,986 Is it me, or is confession getting a little touchy-feely these days? 1753 01:44:10,242 --> 01:44:12,203 - Thank you. - Okay. 1754 01:44:12,244 --> 01:44:14,517 All right, the lights are workin', cameras came... 1755 01:44:14,552 --> 01:44:16,755 chairs are all set up the way we want 'em now. 1756 01:44:16,790 --> 01:44:20,336 Okay, I sent the invitations out yesterday. We've got the karaoke machine. 1757 01:44:20,371 --> 01:44:23,002 - Oh, no, no. - What? - We need the discs for the karaoke. 1758 01:44:23,037 --> 01:44:25,633 I- We- I have to call Don. I'll do it when I get home. 1759 01:44:25,668 --> 01:44:28,219 Well, that's all right. Do it now. 1760 01:44:28,427 --> 01:44:30,721 Excuse me. Wh-What is that? 1761 01:44:31,013 --> 01:44:32,688 - It's a cell phone. - Since when? 1762 01:44:32,723 --> 01:44:35,893 Since Anna gave it to me. Look. She put God on the speed dial. 1763 01:44:35,928 --> 01:44:38,938 I called it. It was the Elvis Presley Museum. 1764 01:44:41,482 --> 01:44:44,074 Look, I- I'm sorry. I have to say this. 1765 01:44:44,109 --> 01:44:46,320 You know she's leaving next week, right? You do know that? 1766 01:44:46,355 --> 01:44:49,156 - Yeah. Yeah. - Okay. I'm just checking. 1767 01:44:50,032 --> 01:44:52,785 - You guys have been talking? - Yeah, yeah. I- We had a good talk. 1768 01:44:52,820 --> 01:44:54,411 - We sort of worked it out. - That's good. 1769 01:44:54,446 --> 01:44:56,789 - It's okay. - Good. - Yeah. 1770 01:44:57,039 --> 01:44:59,256 - Good. - It's so obvious you're thinking about her. 1771 01:44:59,291 --> 01:45:00,375 - Are you sure you don't want to talk about this? 1772 01:45:00,376 --> 01:45:01,460 Yes, I don't! 1773 01:45:01,495 --> 01:45:02,544 - It's weird to me. We haven't talked about this. 1774 01:45:02,545 --> 01:45:03,594 Am I asking you? 1775 01:45:03,629 --> 01:45:06,173 I don't want to talk about it. I would talk about it if I wanted to talk about it. 1776 01:45:06,208 --> 01:45:07,508 Okay. 1777 01:45:08,843 --> 01:45:10,893 - I just think that she's leaving next week. - Brian, I know. 1778 01:45:10,928 --> 01:45:12,617 - So if you're gonna deal with this, you'd better 1779 01:45:12,618 --> 01:45:14,306 do it soon. - What do you want me to do? It's not- 1780 01:45:14,341 --> 01:45:16,141 Oh. Rabbi Schram. 1781 01:45:18,853 --> 01:45:20,187 What? 1782 01:45:20,646 --> 01:45:24,066 - Excuse me. I'm looking for Ruth Schram. - Dr Marks. 1783 01:45:24,101 --> 01:45:26,158 - What happened? - Your mother collapsed. 1784 01:45:26,193 --> 01:45:29,613 - She suffered a transient ischemic attack. - A what? 1785 01:45:30,072 --> 01:45:32,039 It's an almost stroke. 1786 01:45:32,074 --> 01:45:33,304 An- What does- What does that mean, "almost 1787 01:45:33,305 --> 01:45:34,535 stroke"? What are - What are you talking about? 1788 01:45:34,570 --> 01:45:36,198 - She had a temporary blockage of blood to her brain. 1789 01:45:36,199 --> 01:45:37,826 Is she all right? 1790 01:45:37,861 --> 01:45:41,083 Bring me my Obsession perfume, a couple of macaroons and my computer. 1791 01:45:42,209 --> 01:45:45,525 - I gotta get some E-mailing done. - Mom, I'm not gonna bring your computer. 1792 01:45:45,560 --> 01:45:48,806 - You gotta rest, okay? The doctor said two days- - Two days? Get outta here! 1793 01:45:48,841 --> 01:45:51,343 If I have to stay here for two days, I'll give 1794 01:45:51,344 --> 01:45:53,846 them an ischemic wh-whatever the hell I had. 1795 01:45:57,600 --> 01:46:00,561 I assume your brother knows all about this. 1796 01:46:02,730 --> 01:46:05,149 Yeah, he's, um, he's stuck in the Hamptons... 1797 01:46:05,184 --> 01:46:07,366 but he's- he's checking in and, and- 1798 01:46:07,401 --> 01:46:11,030 Yeah. Okay. Well, doesn't matter. I'll be home by tomorrow. 1799 01:46:11,906 --> 01:46:14,033 Thanks, guys, for being so dutiful. 1800 01:46:14,068 --> 01:46:15,910 It's our pleasure. 1801 01:46:16,202 --> 01:46:18,412 So where's the third Musketeer, Miss Reilly? 1802 01:46:18,447 --> 01:46:20,289 Hmm? Workin' hard? 1803 01:46:25,169 --> 01:46:28,672 - What? - You know what? Um, I- I need a cup of coffee. 1804 01:46:29,256 --> 01:46:31,342 - I'll get it. - No, that's okay. I'm gonna get it. 1805 01:46:31,377 --> 01:46:33,427 You guys stay and talk. 1806 01:46:38,140 --> 01:46:39,853 What happened? 1807 01:46:39,854 --> 01:46:41,567 - Look, Mom, I don't want you to worry about this, okay? 1808 01:46:41,602 --> 01:46:43,625 - Everything's gonna be fine. I've dealt with it. 1809 01:46:43,626 --> 01:46:45,648 "Dealt with it"? You dealt with what? 1810 01:46:45,683 --> 01:46:48,526 I dealt with it. It's over, and I don't- 1811 01:46:48,984 --> 01:46:51,237 - I wanna talk to you about this. - No, we don't have to talk about it. 1812 01:46:51,272 --> 01:46:53,360 - I wanna talk to you about this! - I think you should rest. 1813 01:46:53,395 --> 01:46:55,449 - There's- There's nothing to talk about. - Yes, there is. 1814 01:46:55,484 --> 01:46:57,868 - No, there isn't. - There is. 1815 01:47:00,538 --> 01:47:02,331 Sit back. Relax. 1816 01:47:03,499 --> 01:47:05,939 Listen to me. There's a reason why your brother isn't here. 1817 01:47:05,974 --> 01:47:08,052 - Yeah, I know, I know. - No, you don't know. - No, I know... 1818 01:47:08,087 --> 01:47:10,130 - No, you don't. - and I'm not gonna let that happen again. 1819 01:47:10,165 --> 01:47:11,882 You don't know! 1820 01:47:16,387 --> 01:47:18,222 I made a mistake. 1821 01:47:23,310 --> 01:47:26,814 It's true, he's punishing me a little too much for it... 1822 01:47:27,106 --> 01:47:29,066 but it was my fault. 1823 01:47:32,361 --> 01:47:34,989 It's hard to see your son as a man. 1824 01:47:39,410 --> 01:47:41,662 I couldn't do that for him. 1825 01:47:43,539 --> 01:47:47,376 You're a man, Jake. You're a good man. I did a good job with you. 1826 01:47:51,380 --> 01:47:54,800 Make your own decisions about what's important to you. 1827 01:47:55,926 --> 01:47:58,345 I'm proud of you no matter what. 1828 01:47:59,096 --> 01:48:00,389 Mom. 1829 01:48:02,892 --> 01:48:04,476 I love you. 1830 01:48:07,188 --> 01:48:08,689 Thank you. 1831 01:48:42,097 --> 01:48:43,474 Rabbi. 1832 01:48:44,892 --> 01:48:46,268 Larry. 1833 01:48:48,145 --> 01:48:49,945 How's your mother, Jake? 1834 01:48:49,980 --> 01:48:52,191 She's good. She's, uh- She's actually here tonight. 1835 01:48:52,226 --> 01:48:54,193 Oh. That's wonderful. 1836 01:48:54,693 --> 01:48:57,238 So I suppose you have your speech all prepared. 1837 01:48:57,273 --> 01:48:59,281 - Yeah. - Yeah. Good. 1838 01:49:00,282 --> 01:49:03,202 Good. Then you'll go out with a bang, huh? 1839 01:49:37,987 --> 01:49:39,405 Shalom. 1840 01:49:45,995 --> 01:49:48,122 Since, uh, Yom Kippur... 1841 01:49:48,164 --> 01:49:51,584 is kind of like the Super Bowl of the Jewish calendar... 1842 01:49:52,501 --> 01:49:55,379 most rabbis try to cram a whole year's... 1843 01:49:57,256 --> 01:50:00,759 worth of sermons into one kind of big "best of" sermon. 1844 01:50:01,760 --> 01:50:04,305 Um, I'm not gonna do that tonight. 1845 01:50:05,347 --> 01:50:07,558 I'm not gonna talk about the meaning of God... 1846 01:50:07,593 --> 01:50:09,894 or the situation in Israel... 1847 01:50:10,769 --> 01:50:13,404 or the status of Jews around the world. 1848 01:50:13,439 --> 01:50:17,193 I'm- I'd like to talk about something a little more personal. 1849 01:50:17,776 --> 01:50:19,987 I'd like to talk about us. 1850 01:50:20,279 --> 01:50:22,406 The status of you and me. 1851 01:50:25,951 --> 01:50:29,371 A wise man once told me that no rabbi can save anyone. 1852 01:50:32,500 --> 01:50:36,170 He can only offer himself as a guide to other fearful people. 1853 01:50:39,048 --> 01:50:41,675 We live in a really complex world... 1854 01:50:42,176 --> 01:50:45,721 a world where boundaries and definitions are blurring... 1855 01:50:46,013 --> 01:50:48,974 and bleeding into each other in ways that- 1856 01:50:49,016 --> 01:50:52,728 that I think challenge us not just as Jews but as human beings. 1857 01:50:54,438 --> 01:50:57,650 And for a while now, you've let me be your guide. 1858 01:50:58,317 --> 01:50:59,944 You've, uh- 1859 01:51:01,195 --> 01:51:03,697 You've shared your lives with me. 1860 01:51:04,490 --> 01:51:06,916 You've explored your faith with me... 1861 01:51:06,951 --> 01:51:10,287 in ways that I know sometimes have seemed a little strange... 1862 01:51:10,322 --> 01:51:12,998 and, and maybe even a little scary... 1863 01:51:13,582 --> 01:51:16,001 but you put your trust in me... 1864 01:51:16,710 --> 01:51:19,129 and over the past few months... 1865 01:51:20,172 --> 01:51:22,675 I have been violating that trust. 1866 01:51:24,093 --> 01:51:28,222 I've been violating it because I haven't been sharing my life with you. 1867 01:51:30,015 --> 01:51:33,894 For a number of months, I've been seeing a woman who isn't Jewish. 1868 01:51:38,315 --> 01:51:40,546 It doesn't matter if I'm still with her, which I'm 1869 01:51:40,547 --> 01:51:42,778 not, or if I still love her, which I do, very much. 1870 01:51:42,813 --> 01:51:46,991 What matters is that I shouldn't have been afraid to discuss it with you. 1871 01:51:51,620 --> 01:51:53,956 I'm not sorry for loving her. 1872 01:51:55,958 --> 01:51:59,837 I am sorry- I'm very sorry- that I put too little faith in you. 1873 01:52:06,135 --> 01:52:08,721 Yom Kippur is the day of atonement. 1874 01:52:10,931 --> 01:52:13,601 And so tonight I stand before you... 1875 01:52:16,979 --> 01:52:19,148 and ask you to forgive me. 1876 01:52:37,875 --> 01:52:40,628 This could take a while, Jake. Go home. 1877 01:52:41,045 --> 01:52:44,465 I- I'll call you as soon as the board makes a decision. 1878 01:52:47,801 --> 01:52:50,221 Or you could stick around. Okay? 1879 01:53:15,412 --> 01:53:17,248 Come on. Come on. 1880 01:53:18,749 --> 01:53:21,126 - Yes? - Yes. - Yes! Oh! Oh! 1881 01:53:22,336 --> 01:53:25,756 - God, don't mess with me like that, you- - Well, I couldn't- 1882 01:53:25,791 --> 01:53:27,341 Oh. Oh. Oh! 1883 01:53:28,342 --> 01:53:30,677 It's so fantastic. A made rabbi. 1884 01:53:30,712 --> 01:53:32,978 - How does it feel? - Feels good. 1885 01:53:33,013 --> 01:53:35,432 God. You know, we got a lot to celebrate tonight... 1886 01:53:35,467 --> 01:53:37,577 barring an interfaith rumble at our opening. 1887 01:53:37,612 --> 01:53:39,692 I know. It's definitely Manischewitz time. 1888 01:53:39,727 --> 01:53:41,980 Hey, we got two cases delivered, by the way. 1889 01:53:42,015 --> 01:53:44,198 Oh! Did you, uh, get the discs from Don? 1890 01:53:44,233 --> 01:53:48,285 No, I'm going to. Don't worry, but, look, not to rain on your parade... 1891 01:53:48,320 --> 01:53:51,497 - I just- I had to go and say goodbye to Anna 'cause she's leaving tonight... - Oh. 1892 01:53:51,532 --> 01:53:53,200 - which I know you know and don't want to talk about, but there it is, you know? 1893 01:53:53,201 --> 01:53:54,869 Yeah, I don't. There what is? 1894 01:53:54,904 --> 01:53:56,992 Come on! Come on, man. What are you doing? 1895 01:53:57,027 --> 01:53:59,081 What do you want me to do, flagellate myself? 1896 01:53:59,116 --> 01:54:01,309 Jews don't do that. We- We plant trees. 1897 01:54:01,344 --> 01:54:03,382 Listen, who's talking about feeling guilty? 1898 01:54:03,417 --> 01:54:05,386 I'm- I'm- I'm saying, you know, you're- 1899 01:54:05,421 --> 01:54:07,110 I just think you'd want to do something about 1900 01:54:07,111 --> 01:54:08,799 it. You're on such a roll right now. What- 1901 01:54:08,834 --> 01:54:11,844 What could possibly be holding you back at this point? 1902 01:54:11,879 --> 01:54:14,113 Y- You do love her, don't you? 1903 01:54:14,148 --> 01:54:16,348 Yes, I do. I just- I just- 1904 01:54:16,807 --> 01:54:19,059 I mean, come on. Sometimes that's not enough, all right? 1905 01:54:19,094 --> 01:54:21,277 Not- What are- Listen to what you're saying! "Not enough"? 1906 01:54:21,312 --> 01:54:23,543 There 1907 01:54:23,544 --> 01:54:25,774 - There's nothing else that's worth anything against that, and you know it. 1908 01:54:25,809 --> 01:54:28,461 I mean, for years I have listened to you- to you talk about... 1909 01:54:28,496 --> 01:54:31,078 how much you want something exactly like this to happen to you... 1910 01:54:31,113 --> 01:54:36,035 and- and when it comes, you- you walk away from it over a few very minor complications. 1911 01:54:36,285 --> 01:54:39,670 Now, what- What kind of a plan is that? You- You know how God works. 1912 01:54:39,705 --> 01:54:41,477 Well, you think He's just gonna drop a gift 1913 01:54:41,478 --> 01:54:43,250 like that in your lap a second time around... 1914 01:54:43,285 --> 01:54:46,253 just 'cause you happen to be one of His crew, you know? 1915 01:54:46,288 --> 01:54:48,589 Seriously. Look at me. I'm- 1916 01:54:49,006 --> 01:54:53,260 I'm your friend, and I'm telling you, you are making this too complicated. 1917 01:54:53,302 --> 01:54:55,811 It's a very simple situation. You're in love with her. 1918 01:54:55,846 --> 01:54:59,600 She's in love with you, and she is leaving in about two hours. 1919 01:54:59,808 --> 01:55:04,563 You need to ask yourself a simple question. Are you gonna do anything about it or not? 1920 01:55:07,858 --> 01:55:10,326 What the- Why are you standing here? 1921 01:55:10,361 --> 01:55:13,364 Oh, my God. You're right. What am I doing? What am I doing standing here? 1922 01:55:13,399 --> 01:55:15,324 Sign hasn't changed. 1923 01:55:16,075 --> 01:55:17,225 Oh, my God. 1924 01:55:17,226 --> 01:55:18,375 - This is New York City. Who waits for a sign? 1925 01:55:18,410 --> 01:55:20,433 What 1926 01:55:20,434 --> 01:55:22,456 - Cross the damn street! What, do we all need signs to tell us what to do now? 1927 01:55:22,491 --> 01:55:23,874 - Come on! Cross the street! Don't wait. - Brian, Brian, Brian. I gotta go. 1928 01:55:23,909 --> 01:55:25,800 - I gotta- I gotta go! - Yes! Go. 1929 01:55:25,835 --> 01:55:28,052 - Go! - Brian, thank you! - What happened to free will? 1930 01:55:28,087 --> 01:55:29,150 Thanks! 1931 01:55:29,151 --> 01:55:30,214 - The power of human agency? Get across the street. 1932 01:55:30,249 --> 01:55:33,551 That's right. Go. Go! Go. Go forth and, and prosper. 1933 01:55:40,266 --> 01:55:44,603 - Excuse me, sir. May I help you? - Yeah. Hey, T-Bone. I gotta go see Anna. 1934 01:55:50,609 --> 01:55:52,319 Oh, good! Yea! 1935 01:55:58,159 --> 01:56:00,251 I'm sorry, sir. There's no answer at her office. 1936 01:56:00,286 --> 01:56:03,664 T- Bone. T-Bone, look at me. Look at me. Don't you recognize my face? 1937 01:56:03,699 --> 01:56:06,132 - It's Jake. - What is this in reference to? 1938 01:56:06,167 --> 01:56:09,426 It's not in reference to anything. I'm just- It's- 1939 01:56:09,461 --> 01:56:12,096 Look, do me a favour. This is a very, very important thing to me. 1940 01:56:12,131 --> 01:56:14,070 It's personal. If you could just go up 1941 01:56:14,071 --> 01:56:16,010 there, tell anybody that Jake Schram is here. 1942 01:56:16,045 --> 01:56:18,342 - Okay? - I'm afraid I can't do that, sir. 1943 01:56:18,377 --> 01:56:20,639 Oh, man, help me out. Come on. Come on. 1944 01:56:20,674 --> 01:56:22,641 Just two guys, "T." 1945 01:56:23,642 --> 01:56:25,477 Take me with you. 1946 01:56:26,312 --> 01:56:28,564 I really would, but I don't know where I'm going yet. 1947 01:56:28,599 --> 01:56:30,197 What are you talking about? 1948 01:56:30,232 --> 01:56:34,487 You're going to San Francisco to run the world and lead the exciting life. 1949 01:56:34,820 --> 01:56:37,135 Well, don't tell anybody, but I think I 1950 01:56:37,136 --> 01:56:39,450 need to take a break from this exciting life. 1951 01:56:39,485 --> 01:56:41,500 - Really? - Yeah, I do. 1952 01:56:41,535 --> 01:56:44,997 So what are you packing there? Something like 280, 290? 1953 01:56:45,623 --> 01:56:47,500 - 320. - Oh, 320. 1954 01:56:50,628 --> 01:56:51,962 Whoa! 1955 01:57:05,142 --> 01:57:06,977 Okay. Okay. Okay. 1956 01:57:08,229 --> 01:57:10,543 - All right. - Next time, sir... - Ow! 1957 01:57:10,578 --> 01:57:12,858 - I suggest you make an appointment. - Ow! 1958 01:57:26,080 --> 01:57:29,416 Hey, hey. No seriously. Seriously. A toast. A toast. 1959 01:57:30,209 --> 01:57:32,086 To Anna. To Anna. 1960 01:57:32,127 --> 01:57:33,712 Hear! Hear! 1961 01:57:34,713 --> 01:57:38,008 - Thank you. I'm gonna miss you guys. - Yeah, right. 1962 01:57:38,133 --> 01:57:41,345 No, really, I'm- I'm gonna miss a lot of things around here. 1963 01:57:41,380 --> 01:57:44,348 Like Len's endless Howard Stern recountings. 1964 01:57:45,057 --> 01:57:48,978 And, of course, I'm gonna miss my Romeo Casanova boy across the way. 1965 01:57:49,013 --> 01:57:51,313 - Hey, what is that? - What? 1966 01:57:52,481 --> 01:57:54,066 Oh, my God. 1967 01:57:54,650 --> 01:57:56,277 Who is that? 1968 01:57:58,571 --> 01:58:00,865 - It's Jake. - What's he doing? 1969 01:58:00,900 --> 01:58:02,533 I don't know. 1970 01:58:05,411 --> 01:58:07,294 - Anna Reilly. - Anna? 1971 01:58:07,329 --> 01:58:09,713 Anna, it's Jake. Can you- Can you- Can you see me? 1972 01:58:09,748 --> 01:58:12,668 'Cause I can't see you. I can- I'm, like, looking at a reflection of myself. 1973 01:58:12,703 --> 01:58:14,844 Jake, I can see you. What are you doing? 1974 01:58:14,879 --> 01:58:17,193 I've been trying to get up there for the last hour, but 1975 01:58:17,194 --> 01:58:19,508 it's like the friggin' Pentagon with that T-Bone guy! 1976 01:58:19,543 --> 01:58:22,601 So I decided to try Mr Casanova here. By the way, his name is Howard. 1977 01:58:22,636 --> 01:58:27,224 Listen. There's some things that I've been thinking about. I'd like to talk to you. 1978 01:58:27,808 --> 01:58:30,311 - Am I on speakerphone? - Hi, Jake! 1979 01:58:30,811 --> 01:58:32,229 Hi. Hi. 1980 01:58:33,480 --> 01:58:36,275 - Go on. - Well, can I talk to you alone? 1981 01:58:37,026 --> 01:58:40,070 - Could I come over there? - No, I think now would be a good time. 1982 01:58:40,105 --> 01:58:41,989 Okay. Um, alright. 1983 01:58:43,782 --> 01:58:46,041 Listen, I-I-I've been thinking about stuff... 1984 01:58:46,076 --> 01:58:49,246 an-an-an-an-and I just want you to know I'm sorry... 1985 01:58:49,371 --> 01:58:51,499 and- and you were right. 1986 01:58:51,540 --> 01:58:53,424 - About what? - About everything. 1987 01:58:53,459 --> 01:58:56,462 About- About us, about me. Especially about me. 1988 01:58:56,497 --> 01:58:58,304 I've been acting like an idiot. 1989 01:58:58,339 --> 01:59:02,176 - So what are you saying, Jake? - Yeah, what are you saying, Jake? 1990 01:59:03,677 --> 01:59:05,930 I'm saying that I love you. 1991 01:59:07,806 --> 01:59:09,808 I'm in love with you. 1992 01:59:10,893 --> 01:59:13,166 And I've been waiting my whole life for 1993 01:59:13,167 --> 01:59:15,439 someone like you, and I'm not gonna let you go. 1994 01:59:16,732 --> 01:59:18,407 Please, don't go. 1995 01:59:18,442 --> 01:59:20,653 Anna, I don't want you to go. 1996 01:59:23,405 --> 01:59:26,116 Uh, could we hang up the phone, maybe? 1997 01:59:27,701 --> 01:59:30,246 Hello? What's going on? Anna? Anna? 1998 01:59:30,329 --> 01:59:33,916 - She's gone, buddy! Move, move, move! - What? What? Oh- 1999 01:59:35,793 --> 01:59:37,294 Whoo-hoo! 2000 01:59:38,838 --> 01:59:41,507 Stuff like that never happens to me. 2001 01:59:42,466 --> 01:59:44,051 Me neither. 2002 02:00:03,571 --> 02:00:05,573 No jolts, no surprises 2003 02:00:08,659 --> 02:00:11,787 No crisis arises My life goes along a sit should 2004 02:00:15,374 --> 02:00:17,960 It's all very nice but not very good 2005 02:00:22,339 --> 02:00:23,716 And I'm 2006 02:00:25,009 --> 02:00:27,303 Ready to take a chance again 2007 02:00:30,556 --> 02:00:32,975 Ready to put my love on the line 2008 02:00:34,977 --> 02:00:36,395 With you 2009 02:00:37,813 --> 02:00:40,524 Been living with nothing to show for it 2010 02:00:42,818 --> 02:00:45,362 You get what you get when you go for it 2011 02:00:47,656 --> 02:00:50,284 And I'm ready to take a chance again 2012 02:00:52,745 --> 02:00:55,206 Ready to put my love on the line 2013 02:00:56,749 --> 02:00:58,167 With you 2014 02:00:59,043 --> 02:01:01,754 Been living with nothing to show for it 2015 02:01:03,631 --> 02:01:06,175 You get what you get when you go for it 2016 02:01:08,052 --> 02:01:11,388 - And I'm ready to take the change again - Hey! - Hi. 2017 02:01:11,680 --> 02:01:13,606 - Is everything okay here? - Yeah. - Yeah, all good things. 2018 02:01:13,641 --> 02:01:15,976 - Very good. - All good things. - All good things. All good things. 2019 02:01:16,011 --> 02:01:18,062 - All right. - With you 2020 02:01:18,771 --> 02:01:21,524 And I'm ready to take that chance again 2021 02:01:23,192 --> 02:01:24,443 Hi. 2022 02:01:25,569 --> 02:01:28,204 Rabbi Lewis. Anna, this is Rabbi Lewis. 2023 02:01:28,239 --> 02:01:30,623 - Rabbi Lewis- - Good to see you again, Miss Reilly. 2024 02:01:30,658 --> 02:01:33,035 - Good to see you again, Rabbi Lewis. - You missed our last class. 2025 02:01:33,070 --> 02:01:36,205 I know. I'm sorry. I thought I was leaving town. 2026 02:01:37,790 --> 02:01:39,673 Don't look at me in that tone of voice. 2027 02:01:39,708 --> 02:01:41,418 - I would love to start up again, if that's all right with you. 2028 02:01:41,419 --> 02:01:43,128 I'd be delighted. 2029 02:01:43,163 --> 02:01:44,505 Anna- 2030 02:01:46,298 --> 02:01:49,572 Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got some dancing to do. 2031 02:01:49,607 --> 02:01:51,227 - Hey, come on, come on. Let's get this started. 2032 02:01:51,228 --> 02:01:52,847 Okay. 2033 02:01:56,642 --> 02:01:58,393 Okay, if we could have your attention, 2034 02:01:58,394 --> 02:02:00,145 please, we'd like to kick this off officially. 2035 02:02:00,180 --> 02:02:04,024 - Yeah, everybody- - It's so great to see such a great turnout. 2036 02:02:04,233 --> 02:02:07,284 - Thank you, all, for coming. - Congratulations to everybody. 2037 02:02:07,319 --> 02:02:11,115 And, uh, I gotta say, it's just wonderful to see so much interfaith dancing happening. 2038 02:02:11,150 --> 02:02:12,623 - Like- - 'Cause you don't- Get it? 2039 02:02:12,658 --> 02:02:14,232 - It's like the end of West Side Story, where it really warms your heart. 2040 02:02:14,233 --> 02:02:15,807 That's right. 2041 02:02:15,842 --> 02:02:17,399 - Let's give ourselves a hand. This is a great night for us all. 2042 02:02:17,400 --> 02:02:18,956 Yeah, this is your place. 2043 02:02:18,991 --> 02:02:21,625 - Enjoy it, okay? - Okay. - Hit it. 2044 02:02:36,348 --> 02:02:38,225 - Hello. - Hello. 2045 02:02:41,645 --> 02:02:43,856 Can I interrupt, or is three a crowd here? 2046 02:02:43,891 --> 02:02:45,608 Not this three. 2047 02:02:47,902 --> 02:02:49,361 Hold it. 2048 02:03:21,143 --> 02:03:22,937 Do you wanna know 2049 02:03:23,771 --> 02:03:25,898 If everythin' glitterin' 2050 02:03:27,691 --> 02:03:29,735 Will turn into the gold 2051 02:03:31,487 --> 02:03:33,239 I see in your hair 2052 02:03:34,281 --> 02:03:36,242 Feel it could be there 2053 02:03:36,659 --> 02:03:38,369 Some how tonight 2054 02:03:43,833 --> 02:03:45,793 And do you wanna fight 2055 02:03:46,669 --> 02:03:48,796 Somethin' worth savin' 2056 02:03:49,505 --> 02:03:51,757 The change would do me right 2057 02:03:53,092 --> 02:03:55,427 'Cause I've been just waitin' 2058 02:03:57,012 --> 02:03:59,390 And hesitatin' with this heart 2059 02:04:02,810 --> 02:04:04,019 Of 2060 02:04:06,021 --> 02:04:07,314 Mine 2061 02:04:13,028 --> 02:04:15,030 You're still a mystery 2062 02:04:15,281 --> 02:04:17,616 But there's somethin' so easy 2063 02:04:18,576 --> 02:04:20,703 In how you're sweet to me 2064 02:04:22,621 --> 02:04:24,331 I feel completed 2065 02:04:24,707 --> 02:04:27,585 Like it's somethin' I needed for this heart 2066 02:04:31,922 --> 02:04:33,132 Of 2067 02:04:34,884 --> 02:04:36,177 Mine 2068 02:04:42,224 --> 02:04:44,768 There's always somethin' so tragic 2069 02:04:48,606 --> 02:04:50,774 About a hopeless romantic 2070 02:05:10,503 --> 02:05:12,630 So though we cannot know 2071 02:05:13,047 --> 02:05:15,174 If everythin' glitterin' 2072 02:05:16,926 --> 02:05:18,969 Will turn into the gold 2073 02:05:20,262 --> 02:05:22,431 I'm through with waitin' 2074 02:05:23,474 --> 02:05:25,184 And hesitatin' 2075 02:05:26,560 --> 02:05:28,395 I want you takin' 2076 02:05:29,021 --> 02:05:30,564 This heart 2077 02:05:32,691 --> 02:05:33,901 Of 2078 02:05:35,820 --> 02:05:37,112 Mine 2079 02:05:42,201 --> 02:05:43,536 Heart 2080 02:05:45,454 --> 02:05:46,664 Of 2081 02:05:48,582 --> 02:05:49,875 Mine