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Dear Office of Admissions,
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my name is Brooks Rattigan,
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but I don't just want you to know that,
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I want the world to know that,
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because I wanna change the world.
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Like my heroes before me,
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Jobs, Jordan,
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Musk, game changers.
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World changers.
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These are big lives,
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glamorous lives.
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My dad lived a pretty big life.
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Now he...
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doesn't.
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You can't change the world alone.
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Every Jobs needs a Watts,
every Jordan has a Pippen,
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every Musk has...
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Well, actually I think
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Musk will probably end up on Mars
by himself.
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I've got Murph.
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The reviews are in.
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- And?
- Someone wrote...
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Oh, "This app made me poke my eyes out,
thanks for nothing."
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But someone else wrote,
"Groovy app," so...
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I guess it's net neutral.
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- It's good that they're not all bad.
- True.
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On to the next one.
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Another crucial lesson I've
learned from my heroes and from Murph,
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"Always be improving."
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I invoke this lesson daily
in my current profession...
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purveyor of the culinary arts.
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Without vision, we succumb to the average,
and what I want is the extraordinary
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and the support of
an extraordinary unive...
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Okay. That's enough.
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- But there's actually five more pages.
- That's plenty.
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Okay.
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So what do you think?
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I think...
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I think all the words were there.
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You hate it.
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I bare my soul on these pages
and you hate my soul.
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You didn't bare your soul.
That's what I hate about it.
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- Say more about that.
- You wanna change the world?
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What about it?
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The world needs changing
and I'm sure that you can agree with that.
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Ugh!
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You talk about creating
the next big thing. What thing?
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And you wanna be a game-changer.
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What is the game?
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You're really going full-blown
Shark Tank on me,
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and I have to say that I appreciate it.
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- Yale's the goal, correct?
- Yes, more than anything in the world.
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You have the grades.
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Thank you for noticing.
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They're not just looking for
good grades.
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If you wanna stand out,
you're gonna have to rework your essay.
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You're gonna have to look real deep inside
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and ask yourself,
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"Who is Brooks Rattigan?"
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Wanna take it for a spin,
Rattigan?
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00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,477
- Uh, yeah, sure.
- Yeah?
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No. No!
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Hey, he's home.
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Good thing I got a second box here.
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No, I think I'm just gonna grab something
from work.
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Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. Don't go.
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I feel like we don't talk anymore.
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Really? I feel like
that's pretty much all we do.
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You met with the counselor today, right?
How did that go?
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It was good. She told me that
Yale's competitive. Did you know that?
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00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,081
I thought we agreed on UCONN?
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Faculty scions only pay room and board.
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Dad, I told you not to worry about the money.
Okay, you're right. Why am I worried about money?
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College is free, right?
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I'm gonna figure it out.
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I don't get it.
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It's a great school.
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00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:24,973
UCONN is like the girl down the street
who eats food in bed and smells like it.
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00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,350
- Patty Munchwrath?
- I love Patty, she's fantastic,
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but she's not Yale.
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Yale...
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She is...
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she's smart,
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00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,691
she's stylish, but not flashy.
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She's cultured,
she speaks multiple languages,
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probably knows how to sail.
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You get accepted by her,
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that means you're somebody special.
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Murph, do you wanna write
my admissions essay for me?
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00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,705
We could do it like a thought exercise.
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I'm good, cos I'm writing mine,
because people write their own.
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Give me some inspiration.
What's your core theme?
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I'm writing about my struggles
with dyslexia,
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and I'm writing it backwards.
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That's genius.
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- Do you wanna hear what I got?
- Mm.
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"My name is Brooks Rattigan."
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I like it.
It's raw.
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Honest.
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00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,065
I don't know, man,
I think my life's interesting.
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I just don't know how to
articulate it, you know?
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Why don't you write about
your mom leaving?
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00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,615
- That's interesting.
- That's a really short essay, actually.
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Dad got bucked off the publishing horse
instead of getting back on it,
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and chasing after his cowgirl,
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he decided that sitting in the mud
was good enough for him.
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Yeah, but she left you too.
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00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:38,629
No, I think in truth she left this town,
and I can't hold that against her.
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Nothing is good enough for you.
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I think I can respect that.
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My aunt and uncle keep begging me,
and it's like I'm not gonna say, "No."
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You say, "No," because she's family
and dating your cousin is weird.
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Dude, I'm not dating my cousin,
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I'm escorting her to a semi-formal
like Greenwich Prep, that's it.
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Plus my uncle is paying me too, so...
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What up, Rattigan?
Italian sub on wheat, no tomatoes.
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Italian sub for the Italian guy.
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I'm Swedish.
No, yeah, I know,
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just no self-respecting Italian
would turn his back on the tomato.
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Word.
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Anyway, I mean, dude,
it's like the worst timing ever too.
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Like, Maddison's parents
are gonna be gone...
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...for the night and we'd have the house to ourselves.
- Is your cousin hot? I'll take her if she's hot.
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I'll take your cousin.
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- What?
- Yeah, what?
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Yeah, what?
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- I'll take your cousin to the dance.
- Oh, yeah, sandwich boy?
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Yeah? You gonna be wearing
those plastic gloves too?
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Cos my aunt would love that.
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No, this is Greenwich,
so I would dress the part.
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- Why? What would you get out of it?
- I get the payment you're talking about.
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And I get to take your car.
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No, you're not taking my car.
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Come on, man, you're gonna tell me
that you really wanna give up the chance
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of spending an entire night all alone with
Maddison when her parents are out of town?
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You got a suit?
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Woo! I cannot believe he said yes,
Murph. This is incredible!
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It's just a car.
139
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You have no appreciation
for the finer things in life.
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Speaking of things
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I don't have appreciation for,
remind me again,
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why you agreed to do this?
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Because I need the money.
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Who knows,
maybe stepping outside of myself,
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becoming someone else for the night,
it might help me finish my essay.
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And who are you gonna become?
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Whatever she wants me to be,
which I'm pretty sure is
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what every other girl wants me to be.
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Some knight in shining armor,
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some Prince Charming to open doors for her
and compliment her hair.
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You're getting paid to take a girl
on a date.
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00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:34,078
So, did you know that Michelle Obama
got paid to go on a date with Barack
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- and look how great that turned out.
- Is that true?
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I don't know. I'm not a presidential
historian, but it could be true,
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and that is my point.
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- Hello, sir. Brooks Rattigan.
- Brooks Rattigan.
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Reece told us all about you.
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Just your name, but that's all I needed
to run the background check.
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00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,658
No, I actually know
that you ran a background check.
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I found out when I ran one on you.
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- Jerry Lieberman. Come in, Brooks.
- Sure.
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Before you have a chance
to change your mind.
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I'm kidding.
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I like to joke about things.
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- So, welcome to our humble abode.
- This is stupid!
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- As you can see, all original flooring.
- Get out!
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I swear, Jerry, the wrinkles
that girl has caused me
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in places I didn't even know
could wrinkle.
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Honey, our guest has arrived.
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Hi.
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- Brooks Rattigan.
- Lillian Lieberman.
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She won't wear the shoes.
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There are no "the shoes,"
there's just shoes. Is she wearing shoes?
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It's a miracle
she agreed to do this.
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Good evening.
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- I am...
- Reece's bitch?
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- Celia!
- Relax, he knows I'm kidding.
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00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,626
Right, slum?
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00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,128
Oh, sweetie, you look so beautiful.
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I'm not wearing the shoes.
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- But they go.
- Listen to yourself.
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Well, I happen to think
that heels are an outmoded display of
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00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,013
female oppression.
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Fine.
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Thanks, Mom.
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Let's do this, so we can stop doing this.
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You kids have fun.
188
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- Thanks for the assist back there.
- Yeah, no, just part of the job.
189
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,532
Reece let you use his car.
190
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:37,118
Man, he was really desperate
to get out of this, wasn't he?
191
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:40,081
No, he wanted to go with you. He thought
we would have more fun together.
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00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,121
- Uh-huh.
- Here.
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There you are.
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Oh, that's cute,
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but I can open my own doors.
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Thanks.
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Okay.
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00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:03,853
Shall I put on some music?
199
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,649
Wow, you provide quite the service.
200
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,944
Don't tell me you've got
individually wrapped Mentos
201
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,738
and Tyler water bottles in your glove box.
202
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:15,864
Oh, my God, you do.
203
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,659
Fulfilling my fantasy of dating
my Lyft driver.
204
00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:22,663
In 500 feet, make a left.
205
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,457
No, you're gonna keep on the straight.
206
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:27,752
- The navigation said...
- No, don't listen to robots, listen to me.
207
00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:30,713
Recalculating.
In 200 feet, make a right.
208
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,381
You need to make a left here.
209
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:34,216
Okay, so now pull over,
210
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,345
and here we are.
211
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:41,545
This is not your high school.
Wouldn't it be weird if it was?
212
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:44,685
Okay, so you can swing back
and pick me up in a few hours.
213
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:47,229
You're telling me
that you would rather hang out at a...
214
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,815
café book store
than go to a high school dance?
215
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:50,899
Yes.
216
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:52,610
Oh, my God. Yes.
217
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:53,819
Yes, I would.
218
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,571
- Celia.
- Gigolo.
219
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,074
- Brooks. My name's Brooks.
- Sure.
220
00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:01,410
Look, you are my responsibility,
and I cannot let you out of this car.
221
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,204
Okay, let's define terms here.
222
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:07,083
I'm not your responsibility, because
Eisenhower isn't in office anymore.
223
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:10,544
Secondly, you're being paid
to hang out with me.
224
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:15,174
Imagine how that makes me feel.
Like, really, really imagine it.
225
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,300
Now do as I say.
226
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:21,013
Compensation aside, I think that you and I
could have a really good time tonight.
227
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,100
You've clearly never been
to my high school.
228
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:29,939
Fine.
229
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,194
Wow.
230
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,277
What?
231
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,990
Your hair looks really nice.
232
00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:58,134
- Wow, this is your cafeteria?
- Center for culinary participation.
233
00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:00,803
Don't let the glossy sheen fool you,
234
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,346
the food still sucks.
235
00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:06,267
I admire your ability to ruin moments.
You do it with panache.
236
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:11,105
Why is nobody dancing? What, is dancing
just a poor person thing now?
237
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,524
You think people actually
go to a dance to dance?
238
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,727
No, they come here to take photos
for their Instagram.
239
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:17,570
I'm sure that's why
people have babies too.
240
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,448
- Okay, let's go shred some hardwood.
- No.
241
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:21,531
- Yes.
- No, no, no.
242
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,700
- No.
- Yes!
243
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,087
Okay.
244
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,467
What do you got going on over here?
245
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:42,845
I can't tell if you're doing Chandler Bing
or Napoleon Dynamite.
246
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:44,722
Definitely Bing.
247
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,348
It's a good choice.
248
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:01,946
No.
249
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,532
- Come on.
- No.
250
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,950
- Come on!
- No.
251
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,702
- Come on.
- No, no, no, no!
252
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:16,669
Bye.
253
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,555
- Oh! Ouch!
- Hey!
254
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,807
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
255
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,683
You just made me twist my ankle,
you dipshit.
256
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:33,103
Sorry, I was kind of blinded
by an angelic light.
257
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,314
It's fine, whatever,
just now I'm on medical leave.
258
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:39,193
- Hey, come on, let me help you.
- Hey, do not touch me. Thank you.
259
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:57,795
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
260
00:13:58,295 --> 00:13:59,797
Are you okay, Celia?
261
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,882
Uh, yeah, I'm fine.
262
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:06,387
But now I can't run the charity 5K
for canine diabetes this weekend.
263
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,222
Oh! Funny.
264
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:12,935
So, I'm having this intimate after-party
thing at my place. You guys should come.
265
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,645
Yeah, I mean, that's...
266
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,691
She's, you know, but rain check?
267
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,233
That's a shame.
268
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,321
- I'm Shelby, by the way.
- Brooks.
269
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,074
- Hi.
- Hi.
270
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:28,284
Okay.
271
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:31,412
Well, what do you say there,
Brooksie, my boyfriend,
272
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:35,207
my protector, my forever love,
shall we get the hell moving?
273
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,668
- Yeah. It was nice to meet you.
- Yeah, you too.
274
00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,085
Bye.
275
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,180
I mean, a baby in a gas mask?
276
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:53,517
Oh! Street art is a public disservice.
277
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,061
It's like streaking on a baseball field.
278
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,521
- Trashbug?
- Yeah.
279
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,064
I see his stuff everywhere.
280
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:02,443
I'm pretty sure his next piece is gonna be
the Mona Lisa, but with the fangs.
281
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:06,572
Trashbug, he's just some bored,
privileged white dude, I know it.
282
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,199
How you doing, temperature wise?
Are you comfortable?
283
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,243
You're a real professional.
284
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,704
- Like, is this your stock-in-trade?
- No.
285
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:16,624
It should be.
I'm telling you, you're really good at it.
286
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:21,211
Troubled rich girls in need of a
chaperone, it could be big business here.
287
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:22,670
You really think so?
288
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:27,635
No, I'm joking. But, wow,
you are super serious about it, huh?
289
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,386
Okay, you know I could...
290
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,640
I could provide a testimonial
for your website.
291
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:37,603
Celia Lieberman says,
"Brooks Rattigan stepped on my ankle,
292
00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:39,562
but...
293
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,190
he got me ice."
294
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,025
Much appreciated, thank you.
295
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,039
Wait, hold on. Let me help you.
296
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,292
You seriously do not have to do that.
297
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,710
Wait, come on. Hold on.
298
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,756
I insist. You shouldn't have to walk
to that door by yourself,
299
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:07,800
especially not with that ankle,
300
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:11,053
which has miraculously shifted
to the other leg.
301
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,136
Huh?
302
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,806
Miracles happen every day.
303
00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:17,518
I had to break into the kitchen
to get you packs of ice.
304
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,105
- You're a sadist.
- One of my more likable qualities.
305
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:24,828
I cannot believe that I missed Shelby's after-party
because of your dumb, fake ankle injury.
306
00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:27,444
My fake ankle injury was not dumb.
307
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,989
My fake ankle injury was strategic
and adorable.
308
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:33,075
You should be thanking me.
You do not belong at Shelby's party.
309
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,704
Oh, really? Poor kid from Bridgeport
doesn't belong at a Greenwich after party?
310
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:40,207
Whoa, I didn't even need to try
to push that button.
311
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:43,627
We met, like, four hours ago, remember?
I don't know where you're from.
312
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:48,841
I meant you don't belong there,
because you seem normal.
313
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,259
Whoa. Phew.
314
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,386
The highest compliment one can receive.
315
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:55,764
Hey, you're back.
316
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,182
Disappear.
317
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:00,519
Ugh!
318
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:06,066
- So, how was the dance?
- It was good.
319
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,152
- Oh, thanks for asking.
- Right.
320
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,654
Your daughter is a very...
321
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:14,324
Do not try to define her, Brooks,
it will mess up your early 40s.
322
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,705
Well, there's still the matter of the...
323
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,456
The bounty.
324
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:23,417
Yes.
325
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,836
You know what, take all of it.
326
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:28,130
- Are you sure? That's a lot of money.
- Yeah.
327
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:31,300
You lasted three hours longer
than we predicted.
328
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,469
You earned every Benjamin.
329
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,431
All right,
the exterior looks okay.
330
00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:40,392
I mean, you got a couple of smudges
right here, but,
331
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,728
it's not too big of a deal.
332
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,063
I don't get it.
333
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,607
Reece, we go to the same school,
your parents aren't rich,
334
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:48,530
- how did you afford this thing?
- Hey, dude...
335
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,071
Dude, some questions
shouldn't be asked, okay?
336
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:57,826
- Yeah, my bad.
- I'm kidding, bro, I'm kidding.
337
00:17:58,452 --> 00:17:59,495
Calm down.
338
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,332
Honestly, it's in the hustle.
339
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:05,959
It's all in the hustle.
340
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:26,396
Come on, it is classic quid pro quo.
341
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,899
I get the app I need,
and the money I need to go to Yale,
342
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:31,485
and you get to practice your craft,
the art of coding.
343
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:34,029
- You haven't even been accepted yet.
- Yet.
344
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,156
Look, worst case scenario,
I take the money,
345
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,451
and I get ownership stake
in this here fine establishment.
346
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,495
I can finally live out
my eighth-choice dream
347
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,205
of a being a fast food restaurant owner.
348
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:45,833
What would you need exactly?
349
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,793
Okay, so I've been thinking and I think
350
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:50,462
that every date would be
custom built by the user,
351
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,881
meaning that they could pick
my personality, my interests,
352
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,717
whether I'm a listener or a talker,
if I'm funny or serious.
353
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:59,138
Basically, I am a stand-in
for whatever it is that they want.
354
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:00,848
Their dream come true.
355
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:03,600
If it was successful,
356
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,644
that would look good
on my college application.
357
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:08,272
So does this mean that you're in?
358
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:12,441
Yes!
359
00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:14,570
I love you so much, Murph.
360
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,029
Wait, what time, what time is it?
361
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,365
- Uh...
- Oh, tuna melt on seven grain!
362
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,033
Did you hear a ding?
363
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,369
I think the cheese delivery is here,
would you go check?
364
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:24,621
- I didn't hear a ding.
- No, I did, yeah.
365
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:28,208
- I definitely heard it. Go. Now.
- Why are you rushing me, man?
366
00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,087
Hi.
367
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,631
I'll take a tuna melt on seven grain,
please.
368
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,384
Of course you will.
369
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:43,389
Is it done?
370
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:47,394
Have you ever tried to program an app
on custom Objective-C infrastructure?
371
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:50,939
You're lucky I was able to salvage
some of this code from another project.
372
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:59,835
Is that it?
It is done.
373
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,133
The Stand-In.
Murph, this is...
374
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:05,454
This is perfect.
375
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:09,041
Uh-huh. In terms of functionality,
think GrubHub,
376
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:11,501
but instead of ordering Pad Thai,
377
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:12,586
they'll be ordering you.
378
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:16,089
And check it out, I created a secondary
app that tracks your progress.
379
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:19,384
As you make more money,
your avatar gets closer to your goal.
380
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,136
I'm calling it MyTraxx.
381
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,763
MyTraxx.
382
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:25,576
There's little Brooks riding it in there,
he looks so innocent.
383
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:28,143
Yeah, but that's all in the past
because you're a hooker now.
384
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:31,813
- What? No, I'm not. I'm a...
- I guess that makes me your pimp.
385
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,733
- A high-tech pimp, but a pimp nonetheless.
- No.
386
00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,360
I'm a gay teenage pimp,
387
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,922
wearing a secondhand hoodie.
My life as I envisioned it.
388
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,864
I am not gonna be sleeping...
389
00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:43,325
Yeah, I know, because if you did,
we'd both go to jail,
390
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:46,495
which rhymes with Yale
and yet is so different,
391
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,789
but you have your new rich friends
to bail you out.
392
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:51,333
Okay, Murph, first of all,
I don't have any new friends.
393
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:54,461
Okay? And second of all,
I'm offering my services as a chaperone.
394
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,548
Whatever, man. What do we do now?
395
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,760
What one does
when bringing a new product to market?
396
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:04,680
Talk about it incessantly on Reddit,
until it sounds really important.
397
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:06,847
What is a Reddit?
398
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:16,316
- What's going on?
- Breakfast for two.
399
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:17,859
Why?
400
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:21,113
Because families eat breakfast together,
even really small ones.
401
00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:23,115
Next year, when you're off to college,
402
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:26,952
I'll be a family of one,
so now we eat pancakes.
403
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,664
Pancakes.
404
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,041
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
405
00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:37,421
What is going on?
406
00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:40,384
I haven't seen this look on your face
since Mom let you buy a motorcycle.
407
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,217
I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.
408
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,661
I saw it in the mail this morning
and I just had to open it.
409
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,723
UCONN, you got in, full ride.
410
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:50,225
I know, you think you got in
because I teach there.
411
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,870
Dad, you teach a continued ed
night class, two Wednesdays a month.
412
00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:54,855
I don't think
that had anything to do with...
413
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,983
Look, I'm sorry, I just...
414
00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:00,610
I haven't worked my ass off
for the past three and a half years
415
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:01,945
to go to a public college, Dad.
416
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:06,783
Look, I gotta get to work.
417
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:10,454
I don't know how you managed it,
but you ruined pancakes.
418
00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:12,164
That's impressive.
419
00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:37,022
Dear Office of Admissions,
420
00:22:37,647 --> 00:22:42,235
My name is Brooks Rattigan
421
00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:44,946
of House Wreck.
422
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:55,624
Murph, you Prince of Connecticut,
you King of Reddit.
423
00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:08,470
And of course, the whole abstract
expressionist movement
424
00:23:08,553 --> 00:23:10,514
really gained notoriety
from Jackson Pollock,
425
00:23:10,597 --> 00:23:13,558
whose, you know,
influence is clearly present here.
426
00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:15,310
Hmm.
427
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:37,374
Suck it, Bill and Claire!
428
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,172
So, sports, right?
429
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:46,258
Isn't it interesting how many there are?
430
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:50,470
And how some use balls and some... don't?
431
00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:52,722
And pucks. There's pucks.
432
00:23:53,723 --> 00:23:55,183
Okay, I'm terrible at this.
433
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,519
I should just never go on a real date,
ever.
434
00:23:57,602 --> 00:23:59,354
No, no, no, no, you're doing great.
435
00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:12,492
This is one small step for man.
436
00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:19,082
Talk about what you want to talk about,
not what you think I want to talk about.
437
00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:21,084
Yeah, okay, that makes sense.
438
00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:23,170
So, what do you want to talk about?
439
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:28,425
Um, well, this morning I did see
a very large man walking a very tiny dog.
440
00:24:29,217 --> 00:24:30,260
Oh, my God, I...
441
00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:33,138
- I love it when that happens.
- Me too.
442
00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:57,545
Howdy.
443
00:24:58,371 --> 00:24:59,371
Hola.
444
00:25:00,790 --> 00:25:01,790
Hey.
445
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:28,360
Brooks.
446
00:25:28,443 --> 00:25:29,778
Look, I'm not good at apologies,
447
00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:31,905
but I feel I owe you one,
because you're a gentleman
448
00:25:31,988 --> 00:25:33,281
and pretty fun to be around.
449
00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:38,326
You were just doing your job, but you were pretty smug too,
so it shouldn't be a whole apology, but a half apology,
450
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,205
so I'm half sorry, is that cool?
451
00:25:40,288 --> 00:25:41,623
Yeah, I'm sorry, who's this?
452
00:25:41,706 --> 00:25:44,751
Oh, Jeez, sorry, it's Celia.
So do you accept my half apology or not?
453
00:25:45,293 --> 00:25:48,004
Well, you are half forgiven,
but fully admired for the effort.
454
00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:48,922
Well, good,
455
00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:51,341
because I'm in desperate need
of your services.
456
00:25:51,424 --> 00:25:53,635
Oh, God, what's your mom making you go to
this time?
457
00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:56,805
Is it a débutante ball? Ice cream social?
Wait, let me guess.
458
00:25:57,305 --> 00:25:58,473
Is it a horse auction?
459
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,725
Aha. No, yeah, that's pretty accurate.
460
00:26:00,809 --> 00:26:03,061
No, there's this boy I like, Franklin.
461
00:26:03,144 --> 00:26:04,396
Hold on, Celia,
462
00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:05,729
you have a crush?
463
00:26:06,481 --> 00:26:07,983
Is that so hard to believe?
464
00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:11,236
Yes, it is. That's why you're hearing
disbelief in my tone.
465
00:26:11,319 --> 00:26:13,738
Just because I'm a little weird,
doesn't make me less human,
466
00:26:13,822 --> 00:26:15,282
in fact, it makes me more human.
467
00:26:15,365 --> 00:26:17,534
So, there's this party
at Shelby's house tonight...
468
00:26:17,617 --> 00:26:19,411
Yes. Oh, my God, yes.
469
00:26:19,494 --> 00:26:22,122
- A hundred times, yes.
- Whoa, reel it in there, cowboy.
470
00:26:22,205 --> 00:26:23,039
I mean...
471
00:26:23,123 --> 00:26:25,333
I barely wanna go.
472
00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:28,086
Yeah, so I'm thinking, listen,
we show up as a hot couple,
473
00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:30,130
get Franklin a little jealous,
474
00:26:30,213 --> 00:26:33,049
maybe you can stir up some attention
from Shelby.
475
00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:34,593
So, pick me up at seven.
476
00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:35,719
It's a date.
477
00:26:35,802 --> 00:26:39,055
And Celia, next time
you require my services,
478
00:26:39,639 --> 00:26:41,016
could you use my app?
479
00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:42,309
Oh, my God, you didn't?
480
00:26:42,809 --> 00:26:44,894
Oh, but I did.
481
00:26:51,234 --> 00:26:55,363
Okay, this is way more than
a mints and tiny bottles of water.
482
00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:57,365
This is a full-on bespoke
concierge service.
483
00:26:57,449 --> 00:26:58,450
Yes, ma'am.
484
00:26:58,533 --> 00:27:01,995
Okay, so what's the weirdest
Brooks Rattigan you've been thus far?
485
00:27:02,078 --> 00:27:05,040
I had a date the other night, where
I had to just sit on this girl's couch
486
00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:07,500
and listen to her talk for four hours
straight,
487
00:27:07,584 --> 00:27:11,546
and all I was allowed to say was,
"Yes, I agree,"
488
00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:13,506
and "There's no other way to see it."
489
00:27:13,590 --> 00:27:16,310
- My God, that is the perfect date.
- There's no other way to see it.
490
00:27:18,011 --> 00:27:19,596
Hey, thank you.
491
00:27:19,679 --> 00:27:22,807
Son, a couple of things.
The shifter sticks a little bit,
492
00:27:22,891 --> 00:27:25,811
and the passenger window doesn't close
all the way, so watch out for that.
493
00:27:25,852 --> 00:27:29,648
And there's a spring in the seat cushion,
so do not lean all the way back.
494
00:27:33,193 --> 00:27:35,612
Wow. What, does Bruce Wayne live here?
495
00:27:36,154 --> 00:27:38,239
You know, Shelby's dad's basically Batman,
496
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:40,492
if Bruce Wayne was
a sleazy hedge fund manager
497
00:27:40,575 --> 00:27:42,285
with a questionable sense of finance law.
498
00:27:54,130 --> 00:27:55,130
Excuse me.
499
00:27:56,424 --> 00:27:57,424
You guys made it.
500
00:27:57,926 --> 00:27:59,010
Hey.
501
00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:02,222
- Uh, your place is amazing.
- Oh, thank you.
502
00:28:02,305 --> 00:28:03,905
It really makes me reconsider the allure
503
00:28:03,932 --> 00:28:06,226
of living in a three-room house
with a view of Target.
504
00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:11,231
Oh, he's kidding, obviously.
Brooks is from Darien.
505
00:28:11,731 --> 00:28:13,108
Oh, my God, I love it there.
506
00:28:13,191 --> 00:28:15,068
It's just so beautiful,
507
00:28:15,151 --> 00:28:17,612
it makes this neighborhood
look like a shanty town.
508
00:28:18,446 --> 00:28:21,199
Could you excuse me for one moment?
509
00:28:21,282 --> 00:28:23,243
It seems the family dog escaped his room.
510
00:28:23,326 --> 00:28:24,326
Don't go anywhere.
511
00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:25,995
I wouldn't want to get lost.
512
00:28:26,913 --> 00:28:27,913
- Dad.
- What?
513
00:28:28,581 --> 00:28:30,208
I'm in trouble.
514
00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:32,502
Darien? Really?
515
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:35,922
Hey, this is Shelby Pace we're trying
to impress here.
516
00:28:36,464 --> 00:28:38,133
Either go big or go home, son.
517
00:28:41,469 --> 00:28:43,471
Oh, my God, that's Franklin.
Abort, let's go.
518
00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:45,306
This is the whole reason that we're here.
519
00:28:45,390 --> 00:28:48,059
I know, but I just didn't expect
to see him so soon,
520
00:28:48,143 --> 00:28:51,354
I thought I'd have some time to,
I don't know, like clutch my bearings.
521
00:28:51,438 --> 00:28:53,189
Relax. Okay, which one is he?
522
00:28:53,815 --> 00:28:56,526
- Is he the guy in the yellow shirt?
- Yes, stop being so obvious.
523
00:28:56,609 --> 00:28:58,319
- He's cute.
- Stop it.
524
00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:00,071
Pretend to have a conversation with me.
525
00:29:04,451 --> 00:29:07,871
We could also have a real conversation,
that might be way less weird.
526
00:29:07,954 --> 00:29:09,497
Fine, whatever, you start.
527
00:29:09,622 --> 00:29:10,622
Um...
528
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:12,876
Where are you planning
on going to college?
529
00:29:12,959 --> 00:29:14,753
Uh, University of Michigan.
530
00:29:14,836 --> 00:29:17,556
Wait, you're not going Ivy League?
Isn't that, like, your birthright?
531
00:29:17,630 --> 00:29:19,257
Please, you see this?
532
00:29:19,340 --> 00:29:20,175
Uh-huh.
533
00:29:20,258 --> 00:29:23,470
This is the precise number of shits I give
about the Ivy League.
534
00:29:23,803 --> 00:29:25,764
Well, I give many more shits than that.
535
00:29:27,891 --> 00:29:29,642
You know, if you want to go talk to him,
536
00:29:29,726 --> 00:29:31,102
you should just go talk to him.
537
00:29:31,186 --> 00:29:33,521
I know, I'm working up to it.
538
00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:36,608
- This is ridiculous, come on.
- Stop it.
539
00:29:36,691 --> 00:29:38,693
You're making it worse by making a scene.
540
00:29:39,152 --> 00:29:42,280
- You are such a brute.
- It's one of my more likable qualities.
541
00:29:42,822 --> 00:29:45,116
Have you seen this collection?
She is a music fiend,
542
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,785
always going on and on about bands.
543
00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:51,948
Bands that I've never heard of, so you know they're cool, right?
Not in like a mainstream way cool, more like a subversive.
544
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,333
Tell him.
545
00:29:54,709 --> 00:29:56,836
I like music and records.
546
00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:00,340
Me too. I mean, vinyl
is the only pure delivery method, right?
547
00:30:02,675 --> 00:30:05,470
Yeah, I'm always saying that.
548
00:30:06,012 --> 00:30:08,765
Music should only be listened to
549
00:30:08,848 --> 00:30:11,935
on melted and then pressed vinyl discs.
550
00:30:12,018 --> 00:30:15,021
There are kids our age, they've never even
heard a vinyl record before.
551
00:30:15,104 --> 00:30:17,357
They don't know
what they're missing,
552
00:30:18,191 --> 00:30:19,484
or worse,
553
00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:20,568
they do.
554
00:30:26,157 --> 00:30:28,757
You know your girlfriend is over there
talking to Franklin Volley?
555
00:30:28,785 --> 00:30:31,663
Everything is so compressed on digital,
it's like drinking a frozen OJ
556
00:30:31,746 --> 00:30:33,331
instead of a fresh-squeezed OJ.
557
00:30:34,290 --> 00:30:38,127
Yeah, it's okay, we trust each other.
I'm not really the jealous type.
558
00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:41,297
- How refreshing.
- Well, I aim to refresh.
559
00:30:44,384 --> 00:30:46,135
- You're funny.
- Me?
560
00:30:46,219 --> 00:30:49,138
Most guys I know don't realize
they can be both rich and funny.
561
00:30:49,222 --> 00:30:51,766
Well, you can, I'm obviously living proof.
562
00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:00,566
Hey.
563
00:31:01,192 --> 00:31:03,278
They have a separate freezer
for ice cream.
564
00:31:03,361 --> 00:31:05,321
I was alone in the kitchen
and started to applaud.
565
00:31:05,405 --> 00:31:09,409
- Mm.
- So, we have Boom Chocolotta
566
00:31:09,492 --> 00:31:10,702
and plain old vanilla.
567
00:31:10,785 --> 00:31:11,785
Oh, thank you.
568
00:31:13,079 --> 00:31:14,455
- Really?
- Yo.
569
00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:16,708
Don't knock vanilla, okay? It's a...
570
00:31:17,292 --> 00:31:19,085
It seems a little boring, I give you that,
571
00:31:19,168 --> 00:31:21,671
but there's a lot of nuance flavors
hiding inside.
572
00:31:21,754 --> 00:31:23,298
- Hm.
- Mm.
573
00:31:23,381 --> 00:31:24,424
Kind of like you.
574
00:31:25,758 --> 00:31:28,386
- Wow, so I'm vanilla.
- Yeah.
575
00:31:28,469 --> 00:31:31,639
Somehow you always manage to compliment
and insult me at the same time.
576
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:34,058
It's a hereditary gift, on my mom's side.
577
00:31:35,727 --> 00:31:36,727
Where's Franklin?
578
00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:40,273
Oh, he's somewhere.
I don't really wanna see that much of him.
579
00:31:40,356 --> 00:31:44,776
- What? - Before our date.
What? Franklin asked you out? That's great.
580
00:31:44,861 --> 00:31:46,362
No, actually, I asked him out,
581
00:31:46,446 --> 00:31:49,866
because I am the master of my universe,
and yeah, it's pretty great.
582
00:31:51,242 --> 00:31:59,162
Oh, separate but related, it gives us a pretty good reason for our breakup.
- I see your game, you meet someone new. - Hit it and quit it, baby.
583
00:31:59,626 --> 00:32:03,171
Okay, there's this huge birthday party
that's supposed to happen in a few weeks,
584
00:32:03,254 --> 00:32:05,632
and everyone's gonna be there,
including your girl, Shelby.
585
00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:09,552
Just the breakup has to be public,
like very public.
586
00:32:09,636 --> 00:32:12,138
Can you imagine if I date Shelby
and get into Yale?
587
00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:14,766
I mean, that would be it,
that would be my dream come true.
588
00:32:14,849 --> 00:32:16,017
Oh, God, I feel bad for you.
589
00:32:16,100 --> 00:32:18,978
You're just relying on external factors
for your happiness,
590
00:32:19,062 --> 00:32:22,315
waiting for people to accept you
instead of accepting yourself.
591
00:32:22,398 --> 00:32:23,983
I mean, what could go wrong?
592
00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:26,653
Isn't that exactly
what you're doing with Franklin?
593
00:32:28,488 --> 00:32:30,406
- You're just jealous.
- Of what?
594
00:32:30,490 --> 00:32:34,702
Um, my connection with Franklin.
It's more cerebral.
595
00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:35,786
Please.
596
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,623
Like you're not at all interested in him
'cause he's hot.
597
00:32:38,706 --> 00:32:40,375
Whoa, his brain is hot, okay?
598
00:32:40,458 --> 00:32:43,252
I can just picture his gorgeous
frontal lobe.
599
00:32:46,464 --> 00:32:48,925
- Gross.
- Yeah, that was unintentionally gross.
600
00:32:49,634 --> 00:32:53,805
Fine, I like him because of his brains
and, you know,
601
00:32:53,888 --> 00:32:55,528
the beautiful face that's attached to it.
602
00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:57,850
There you go,
so we're both shallow teenagers.
603
00:32:57,934 --> 00:32:59,018
It would appear so.
604
00:33:00,103 --> 00:33:01,270
- You're really sweet.
- Yeah.
605
00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:03,898
- Can I have some of that, please?
- Whoa! No! No way.
606
00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:11,906
So, I might be able to help.
My dad knows the president.
607
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:14,117
- Of what country?
- Of Yale.
608
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,619
Um, they've been playing poker,
like forever,
609
00:33:16,703 --> 00:33:19,330
and I guess my dad's been losing to him
for ten years,
610
00:33:19,414 --> 00:33:20,665
in case I ever wanted to go.
611
00:33:20,748 --> 00:33:22,959
So, the fact I don't wanna go
is kind of a sore point.
612
00:33:23,042 --> 00:33:24,922
I don't get it,
rich people all know each other.
613
00:33:24,961 --> 00:33:27,815
- I don't even know who my barber is.
- Okay, do you want my help or not?
614
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:29,048
Yes. A hundred times, yes.
615
00:33:29,132 --> 00:33:31,509
Well, no promises,
but I can check with him.
616
00:33:32,051 --> 00:33:33,761
What? Are you serious? Wow.
617
00:33:34,137 --> 00:33:37,098
Thank you. All I got for you is wow.
618
00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:38,683
Well, I'm a woman of much wow.
619
00:33:38,766 --> 00:33:41,227
Hey, man,
I'll give you 50 bucks for your car.
620
00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:46,232
- Oh, you think that's funny?
- Yeah, I do.
621
00:33:49,068 --> 00:33:50,445
- Hey.
- Hey.
622
00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:51,529
Whoa.
623
00:33:51,696 --> 00:33:52,864
What's with the get-up?
624
00:33:53,239 --> 00:33:57,368
Uh, I figured if I'm going to Yale,
I'd better start stepping it up.
625
00:33:57,452 --> 00:34:00,246
Hey, what's going on
with all the late nights lately?
626
00:34:00,329 --> 00:34:05,877
Uh, you know, the usual teenage stuff,
school projects, dances, 24-hour raves.
627
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,545
Hm. Atta boy.
628
00:34:07,628 --> 00:34:10,923
Do you think you could clean up one day?
I mean, it's starting to look a little...
629
00:34:11,466 --> 00:34:13,134
condemned in here.
630
00:34:13,217 --> 00:34:14,385
I'm gonna get to it.
631
00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:16,262
I could help you, if you want.
632
00:34:16,345 --> 00:34:17,388
I think I do.
633
00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:20,099
And actually, you have helped.
634
00:34:20,183 --> 00:34:22,810
I submitted a collection
of my short stories of this fellowship,
635
00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:25,938
because you were
so terribly and vividly mean to me.
636
00:34:26,522 --> 00:34:28,608
So, thank you for being a supportive
637
00:34:29,108 --> 00:34:30,109
asshole.
638
00:34:31,110 --> 00:34:32,110
Anytime.
639
00:34:33,988 --> 00:34:35,698
- Good night, Pops.
- Good night, buddy.
640
00:34:43,414 --> 00:34:46,501
Hey, look, little Brooks is almost
a third of the way to his goal.
641
00:34:46,584 --> 00:34:50,129
If I keep getting business like this, I'm
gonna be at little Yale by the summertime.
642
00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:52,673
That's great, man. Really.
643
00:34:53,299 --> 00:34:54,383
What is that? What...
644
00:34:55,259 --> 00:34:56,344
You seem distant.
645
00:34:57,053 --> 00:34:59,722
Well, I guess I am.
646
00:35:00,306 --> 00:35:03,726
We just usually have stuff to talk about,
because we spend time together,
647
00:35:03,810 --> 00:35:05,186
or we used to.
648
00:35:05,269 --> 00:35:08,856
So, distance is making us distant,
which makes sense to me.
649
00:35:10,608 --> 00:35:11,608
Huh.
650
00:35:11,818 --> 00:35:14,570
But it's fine, really. We're gonna grow
apart when we go to college,
651
00:35:14,654 --> 00:35:16,697
so we might as well
get the process started now.
652
00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:19,449
Okay, well,
653
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:20,701
how about this?
654
00:35:20,785 --> 00:35:22,537
I'm totally
booked out tonight and tomorrow,
655
00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:25,957
but I am completely free on Saturday
and I will make sure it stays that way,
656
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,917
if you promise to go to Tino's with me.
657
00:35:29,001 --> 00:35:30,001
Count me in.
658
00:35:30,503 --> 00:35:33,103
Oh, hey, can we hit that new
zombie-themed escape room afterwards?
659
00:35:33,131 --> 00:35:34,257
Yes, I am in.
660
00:35:34,340 --> 00:35:35,340
All right.
661
00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:37,300
Hello again.
662
00:35:37,343 --> 00:35:40,054
- Hey, I'll take a...
- Tuna melt on seven grain.
663
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:40,972
Yeah.
664
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:44,350
- Uh, thanks.
- Murph is my given name.
665
00:35:45,017 --> 00:35:46,936
Oh, I guess I gotta give you this.
666
00:35:47,019 --> 00:35:49,564
I just remembered that
this is when you usually come by.
667
00:35:49,647 --> 00:35:52,441
- Yeah.
- We get paid a dollar above minimum wage,
668
00:35:52,525 --> 00:35:55,111
so we're encouraged
to provide top service.
669
00:35:55,194 --> 00:35:58,489
Uh, well, thanks, Murph.
670
00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:04,871
- What?
- You were blushing.
671
00:36:04,954 --> 00:36:06,998
Who is that? Huh?
672
00:36:07,081 --> 00:36:09,917
Hey, yo, I work at White Castle, okay?
You know what that means,
673
00:36:10,001 --> 00:36:12,461
I see some of the finest bitches
in the world every damn day,
674
00:36:12,962 --> 00:36:17,049
and, Pops, I gotta tell you
with the utmost respect,
675
00:36:17,508 --> 00:36:18,508
your daughter,
676
00:36:18,551 --> 00:36:22,597
she's got to be one of the finest bitches
I have ever seen in my entire life,
677
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:26,309
and I've been to the Westminster Dog Show,
okay? All right.
678
00:36:30,688 --> 00:36:32,408
I have to take the browns
to the Super Bowl,
679
00:36:32,481 --> 00:36:34,775
and by that I mean
I gotta take a hot deuce, right?
680
00:36:34,859 --> 00:36:36,402
Daddy-o, where the bathroom at?
681
00:36:36,777 --> 00:36:38,738
It's down the hall on the left.
682
00:36:38,821 --> 00:36:39,821
Ooph.
683
00:36:41,574 --> 00:36:42,700
I love you, baby.
684
00:36:47,121 --> 00:36:48,206
Hey, Celia.
685
00:36:48,289 --> 00:36:50,166
What's up, Vanilla? What are you up to?
686
00:36:50,249 --> 00:36:52,877
I'm getting paid to be a douche
to a girl's parents,
687
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,106
so that they're more accepting of her real
boyfriend when they actually meet him.
688
00:36:56,130 --> 00:36:58,090
Um, parents have it hard.
689
00:36:58,674 --> 00:37:00,927
What are you doing tomorrow?
Like early afternoonish?
690
00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:04,096
What, for my best customer?
I'm totally free. Why, what's up?
691
00:37:04,430 --> 00:37:05,681
I may have got you an interview
692
00:37:05,765 --> 00:37:08,476
with the Dean
of Undergraduate Admissions at Yale.
693
00:37:08,559 --> 00:37:10,394
Oh, my God, Celia,
I don't know what to say.
694
00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:11,729
Well, why don't you try?
695
00:37:11,812 --> 00:37:15,191
Celia Lieberman, you make flowers blossom.
696
00:37:15,274 --> 00:37:17,985
You are the reason trees have leaves.
697
00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:20,321
You are a goddess.
698
00:37:20,404 --> 00:37:23,241
Aw! That is absolutely correct.
699
00:37:23,324 --> 00:37:25,785
- What time should I pick you up?
- You shouldn't.
700
00:37:25,868 --> 00:37:28,704
This is your day, but it's my rules,
so I'm gonna pick you up at one.
701
00:37:29,622 --> 00:37:31,082
I'll text you my address.
702
00:37:31,624 --> 00:37:32,750
Bye.
703
00:37:45,763 --> 00:37:48,683
Woo hoo! Yo, man, that number two
turned to a number five real quick.
704
00:37:48,766 --> 00:37:49,976
Where the plunger at?
705
00:38:00,361 --> 00:38:02,989
What? I'm trying to look smart.
Do I look too smart?
706
00:38:03,656 --> 00:38:05,783
It looks like someone
took a J. Crew store,
707
00:38:05,866 --> 00:38:07,952
put it in a cannon
and shot it at your face.
708
00:38:08,035 --> 00:38:10,162
Thank you, so much.
I mean, what do I do?
709
00:38:10,246 --> 00:38:11,330
I don't understand clothes.
710
00:38:11,414 --> 00:38:13,499
They're completely irrelevant
yet somehow important.
711
00:38:13,582 --> 00:38:14,709
Lose the glasses.
712
00:38:14,792 --> 00:38:16,919
Go on, give it to me.
Okay, that's better.
713
00:38:17,003 --> 00:38:19,643
Do you need the cardigan?
I'm gonna answer that. You don't need it.
714
00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:21,314
- I like the cardigan.
- No one likes it.
715
00:38:21,340 --> 00:38:24,552
- Intellectual people wear cardigans.
- You do not look intellectual.
716
00:38:24,635 --> 00:38:26,345
For the love of God, come on.
717
00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:30,641
Oh, you know, what you do need though,
you need a mani.
718
00:38:31,017 --> 00:38:33,060
That is a fight for another day,
my friend.
719
00:38:33,144 --> 00:38:36,564
Wow, who would have thought that
Celia Lieberman could be so comforting?
720
00:38:36,647 --> 00:38:39,900
It's like underneath all these layers
of angst and sarcasm,
721
00:38:39,984 --> 00:38:41,902
there might actually be a human being.
722
00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:46,323
Oh.
723
00:38:48,451 --> 00:38:49,451
Thank you.
724
00:38:52,204 --> 00:38:53,204
You're welcome.
725
00:39:40,211 --> 00:39:41,337
Hey, relax.
726
00:39:41,420 --> 00:39:43,089
All you gotta do is be yourself.
727
00:39:43,923 --> 00:39:47,218
I mean, not this annoying,
anxious version,
728
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:48,760
the better version.
729
00:39:50,179 --> 00:39:55,059
I have been an astronaut, a cowboy
and a douche, all in the past three days,
730
00:39:55,142 --> 00:39:57,937
so I don't know which version of myself
I'm supposed to be right now.
731
00:39:58,020 --> 00:39:59,020
Brooks Rattigan.
732
00:39:59,647 --> 00:40:01,023
Dean's ready for you now.
733
00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:05,985
- Hi.
- Hi.
734
00:40:06,529 --> 00:40:07,655
- Hey.
- Yeah?
735
00:40:08,197 --> 00:40:09,448
You're gonna kill it.
736
00:40:10,699 --> 00:40:11,699
You know,
737
00:40:12,201 --> 00:40:13,411
unless you don't.
738
00:40:21,627 --> 00:40:23,421
Mr. Rattigan, a pleasure to meet you.
739
00:40:23,504 --> 00:40:25,214
- Take a seat.
- Yes, sure.
740
00:40:26,882 --> 00:40:30,594
So, tell me about yourself.
741
00:40:30,970 --> 00:40:32,304
Yeah, I'd love to.
742
00:40:32,388 --> 00:40:35,141
What says more about a person
than numbers, right?
743
00:40:35,724 --> 00:40:38,227
So, the first time I took the SAT
I got a 1510,
744
00:40:38,310 --> 00:40:40,980
and that was because I butchered
the math section, but
745
00:40:41,063 --> 00:40:44,108
I knuckled down,
and I put work over parties,
746
00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:47,903
and I managed to bump it up to a 1570
on my second time around.
747
00:40:48,571 --> 00:40:51,564
- That's too bad.
- I'm sorry?
748
00:40:52,408 --> 00:40:55,286
Well, that you missed out on parties.
Parties are fun.
749
00:40:55,870 --> 00:40:58,789
It's important to enjoy life,
especially at your age.
750
00:40:58,873 --> 00:41:03,502
With respect, it's not exactly the message
that we get from our parents and teachers.
751
00:41:03,586 --> 00:41:05,045
I grant you that, yeah.
752
00:41:05,921 --> 00:41:06,921
Well...
753
00:41:07,047 --> 00:41:10,634
Mr. Rattigan, academically speaking, you
seem like the perfect candidate for Yale.
754
00:41:11,177 --> 00:41:13,097
Thank you, sir.
Coming from you that means a lot.
755
00:41:13,179 --> 00:41:15,890
But I want to know
a little something about you.
756
00:41:15,973 --> 00:41:18,601
Tell me something about yourself,
activities, hobbies.
757
00:41:18,684 --> 00:41:22,855
Sure, well I'm in French Club,
I'm a National Honors Society, and...
758
00:41:22,938 --> 00:41:23,938
No.
759
00:41:24,398 --> 00:41:26,692
No, I don't mean the things that you do,
760
00:41:26,775 --> 00:41:28,986
because you think they look good
on an application.
761
00:41:29,069 --> 00:41:32,239
What are some of your interests
outside of school?
762
00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:33,866
Outside of school?
763
00:41:33,949 --> 00:41:37,536
Example, I had a kid in here yesterday,
right there,
764
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,499
and he breeds trash-eating microbes
in his spare time.
765
00:41:42,291 --> 00:41:43,834
It's fascinating stuff.
766
00:41:44,460 --> 00:41:48,380
I don't... breed trash-eating microbes.
767
00:41:48,464 --> 00:41:52,051
I don't really breed microbes at all,
but I do have hobbies,
768
00:41:52,218 --> 00:41:55,095
and interests. I mean, so many of those.
769
00:41:58,307 --> 00:42:03,145
There is this thing,
but I think you'll find it stupid.
770
00:42:03,229 --> 00:42:04,897
No, what? What is it?
771
00:42:04,980 --> 00:42:06,982
Well lately, I've been getting into
772
00:42:08,609 --> 00:42:09,860
honey bees.
773
00:42:11,195 --> 00:42:12,196
I don't...
774
00:42:12,947 --> 00:42:13,989
I'm sorry,
775
00:42:14,073 --> 00:42:16,534
did you just say, "Honey bees?"
776
00:42:16,617 --> 00:42:17,535
Yeah.
777
00:42:17,618 --> 00:42:20,120
Yeah, I'm a bit of an amateur beekeeper.
778
00:42:20,204 --> 00:42:23,749
- I know, it sounds silly.
- No, it doesn't sound silly at all, to me.
779
00:42:24,959 --> 00:42:26,919
I'm a bit of an apiarist myself.
780
00:42:27,503 --> 00:42:30,005
- No kidding.
- Yes.
781
00:42:30,589 --> 00:42:32,633
Wow, what a small world.
782
00:42:32,967 --> 00:42:34,367
Tell me, what's your bee of choice?
783
00:42:34,426 --> 00:42:36,053
I used to be all about the Russian bees,
784
00:42:36,470 --> 00:42:40,099
but then I found that their swarminess
tended to be a little too...
785
00:42:40,182 --> 00:42:41,183
Unpredictable.
786
00:42:41,267 --> 00:42:44,562
Unpredictable, that's right.
So, now I'm a Buckfast man all the way.
787
00:42:44,645 --> 00:42:47,398
- They have so much more foraging zeal.
- Yes.
788
00:42:47,940 --> 00:42:53,696
Uh, and, you know, don't get me started
on their resistance to tracheal mites.
789
00:42:54,780 --> 00:42:55,864
Huh.
790
00:42:56,198 --> 00:42:57,658
Tracheal mites.
791
00:42:58,784 --> 00:43:01,944
As soon as you get that application done,
you bring it into me personally, okay?
792
00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:03,414
- Not my secretary.
- I will, sir.
793
00:43:03,497 --> 00:43:05,207
- Sir, call me Delbert, please.
- Okay.
794
00:43:05,291 --> 00:43:07,876
And when you come by,
don't forget to bring a jar of your honey.
795
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:11,280
As long as you bring a jar of your honey,
we can have ourselves a little honey swap.
796
00:43:11,672 --> 00:43:13,007
Honey swap.
797
00:43:13,090 --> 00:43:14,300
I love it.
798
00:43:14,383 --> 00:43:17,219
It was a pleasure meeting you,
Mr. Rattigan, truly.
799
00:43:17,303 --> 00:43:18,887
The pleasure was mine, Delbert.
800
00:43:24,518 --> 00:43:28,314
Thank you so much for setting this up. It
went better than I could have imagined it.
801
00:43:28,397 --> 00:43:30,232
Well, happy to help. Just...
802
00:43:30,899 --> 00:43:32,860
just one little tiny question.
803
00:43:33,444 --> 00:43:36,030
Why exactly are you guys swapping honey?
804
00:43:38,157 --> 00:43:39,366
What, is that unusual?
805
00:43:40,576 --> 00:43:41,576
I can't believe you.
806
00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:43,662
What? I did some research
before my interview, okay?
807
00:43:43,746 --> 00:43:47,017
Hold on a second. What is the difference
between me spouting a few beekeeping facts
808
00:43:47,041 --> 00:43:49,710
and any of the Stand-In dates
that I've been on? Huh?
809
00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:52,463
You know that I'm not an art historian
or a douche, right?
810
00:43:52,546 --> 00:43:55,883
No, actually I don't know that,
and this is completely different.
811
00:43:55,966 --> 00:43:59,386
Those girls paid you to lie to them,
and this time you did it all on your own.
812
00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:02,056
Look, it is hustle, baby, pure hustle.
813
00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:03,819
Oh, God, please don't ever say that again.
814
00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:06,602
It did sound a little bit better
coming out of Reece's mouth.
815
00:44:06,685 --> 00:44:09,647
Wait, Reece? My cousin, Reece?
What does he know about hustle?
816
00:44:09,730 --> 00:44:10,898
It's how he got his BMW.
817
00:44:10,981 --> 00:44:13,984
Brooks, Reece got his car
because his dad started having an affair
818
00:44:14,068 --> 00:44:16,820
with his sister's JV tennis coach,
and his mom found out about it,
819
00:44:16,904 --> 00:44:19,784
so she starts sleeping with the dude
who owns a bunch of BMW dealerships,
820
00:44:19,823 --> 00:44:21,533
hence the BMW.
821
00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:24,620
- What, so no hustle?
- No.
822
00:44:24,703 --> 00:44:25,954
You're telling me
823
00:44:26,288 --> 00:44:29,041
that Reece got a brand new BMW i8,
because
824
00:44:29,958 --> 00:44:31,460
his parents are shitty people?
825
00:44:31,543 --> 00:44:34,672
Yeah. So, maybe you should rethink
who your role models are.
826
00:44:37,591 --> 00:44:40,344
- What about Shelby and Franklin?
- What about Shelby and Franklin?
827
00:44:40,427 --> 00:44:43,847
You don't know the first thing about
vinyl, and I am certainly not from Darien.
828
00:44:44,348 --> 00:44:48,352
Okay? These are the lies that both of us
made up to get what we want.
829
00:44:52,648 --> 00:44:53,732
Hmm.
830
00:44:53,816 --> 00:44:58,612
Storming off, fantastic. That's what
people who're right and not hypocrites do.
831
00:44:58,696 --> 00:45:00,781
Speak more words and I'll hurt you.
832
00:45:12,126 --> 00:45:14,837
- Maybe you're right.
- About which thing? There were a couple.
833
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,005
Maybe I am a hypocrite, okay?
834
00:45:20,342 --> 00:45:22,761
My parents say that I stomp around
835
00:45:23,137 --> 00:45:24,596
in my boots looking tough...
836
00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:27,349
to push people away,
837
00:45:28,016 --> 00:45:29,017
because
838
00:45:30,436 --> 00:45:34,356
I'm too scared to show people
who I really am.
839
00:45:37,860 --> 00:45:40,904
Oh, God, if anyone actually heard me
saying this.
840
00:45:45,325 --> 00:45:48,120
- Yeah, you know what I mean.
- You're gonna be fine, okay?
841
00:45:48,203 --> 00:45:49,872
You are Celia Lieberman.
842
00:45:49,955 --> 00:45:53,751
And being weird and confident are not
mutually exclusive elements to life.
843
00:45:53,834 --> 00:45:55,586
You happen to be a master of both of them.
844
00:45:56,170 --> 00:45:58,297
- Do you really mean that?
- Yes.
845
00:46:01,008 --> 00:46:02,593
- Thanks.
- You are welcome.
846
00:46:04,470 --> 00:46:06,805
So, I can Brooks' house
from across the street,
847
00:46:06,889 --> 00:46:09,349
and sitting beside the outgoing mailbox,
848
00:46:09,433 --> 00:46:11,351
there's this big flimsy cardboard box,
849
00:46:11,435 --> 00:46:16,023
with like 20 postage stamps stuck to it
and just one word written across the top,
850
00:46:16,106 --> 00:46:17,149
Idaho.
851
00:46:17,232 --> 00:46:20,736
So, the mailman picks it up,
and immediately the box gives out,
852
00:46:20,819 --> 00:46:24,239
and little six-year-old Brooks
slips out the bottom,
853
00:46:24,323 --> 00:46:25,866
and hits the pavement like, "Bam!"
854
00:46:26,492 --> 00:46:29,203
I'm hiding across the street
watching it all, like...
855
00:46:30,037 --> 00:46:34,374
- Just laughing my ass off.
- Okay, wait, so what did you do?
856
00:46:34,458 --> 00:46:37,628
I mean the only thing that I could do is
"Good afternoon, Mr. Postman,"
857
00:46:37,711 --> 00:46:40,047
and I grabbed my backpack
and went back inside my house.
858
00:46:40,672 --> 00:46:43,467
I can't believe you tried
to mail yourself to Idaho.
859
00:46:43,550 --> 00:46:45,928
- Thanks, Brooks.
- Thank you so much. I got this.
860
00:46:46,011 --> 00:46:47,429
- Thank you.
- Yeah, of course.
861
00:46:47,513 --> 00:46:49,431
- Nice guy.
- Fancy man.
862
00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:54,770
Okay, so of all places, why Idaho?
863
00:46:55,854 --> 00:46:57,439
It's where his mom lives.
864
00:46:57,523 --> 00:47:00,901
Yeah, she's married
to some rich pediatrician
865
00:47:00,984 --> 00:47:04,655
or rich plastic surgeon,
rich pediatric plastic surgeon.
866
00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:07,074
And they have two kids together
867
00:47:08,492 --> 00:47:10,953
and every year they send Brooks
and his dad a Christmas card
868
00:47:11,578 --> 00:47:13,956
with a picture of her whole new family.
869
00:47:14,873 --> 00:47:17,125
You know, which to me,
seems totally screwed up.
870
00:47:24,216 --> 00:47:25,384
See you, Tino!
871
00:47:25,509 --> 00:47:26,509
Tino!
872
00:47:31,265 --> 00:47:33,475
- Was that tuna melt on seven grain?
- If only.
873
00:47:33,767 --> 00:47:37,187
- Uh? Tuna melt on seven grain?
- It's nothing.
874
00:47:37,271 --> 00:47:40,816
Murph here has a little crush
on one of the Sub shop regulars.
875
00:47:40,899 --> 00:47:42,943
We don't know his name,
so we call him by his order.
876
00:47:43,026 --> 00:47:44,570
He hasn't been in the shop for a week.
877
00:47:44,653 --> 00:47:47,322
I think I scared him off
by pre-making his sandwich.
878
00:47:47,406 --> 00:47:49,324
Aw, you pre-made his sandwich?
879
00:47:49,408 --> 00:47:51,785
- That is adorable.
- Listen, you're gonna be fine.
880
00:47:51,869 --> 00:47:53,370
He'll show up, and if not,
881
00:47:53,620 --> 00:47:54,788
who cares, right?
882
00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:58,834
You are going to find the right sandwich
one day, my friend.
883
00:47:58,917 --> 00:48:00,627
That is the lamest thing you've ever said.
884
00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:03,755
- Yeah, but you're laughing, aren't you?
- Get away from me, get away.
885
00:48:03,839 --> 00:48:06,341
I'm glad someone's getting
something out of my dating life.
886
00:48:06,425 --> 00:48:07,425
Yeah.
887
00:48:08,343 --> 00:48:12,389
All right, Godspeed
to you on your date tonight.
888
00:48:13,515 --> 00:48:14,515
Are you ready to
889
00:48:15,017 --> 00:48:16,226
get some zombies?
890
00:48:17,936 --> 00:48:18,936
I am.
891
00:48:20,689 --> 00:48:22,190
But you seem unenthusiastic.
892
00:48:22,691 --> 00:48:25,444
No, man. I got a request
while we were eating.
893
00:48:25,527 --> 00:48:26,361
Take it.
894
00:48:26,445 --> 00:48:27,613
What? Are you serious?
895
00:48:27,696 --> 00:48:28,696
Really.
896
00:48:28,989 --> 00:48:31,533
All right, thank you.
You're a really good friend.
897
00:48:31,617 --> 00:48:33,118
Hey, good to meet you.
898
00:48:33,201 --> 00:48:34,286
Yeah, you too.
899
00:48:41,668 --> 00:48:43,587
- It was what?
- It was, it was…
900
00:48:50,218 --> 00:48:52,638
- Your insurance must be so high.
- Yeah.
901
00:48:55,474 --> 00:48:56,475
You know what?
902
00:48:56,558 --> 00:48:59,728
Does the master have any advice for me,
for my big date?
903
00:48:59,811 --> 00:49:02,851
Yeah, I do actually.
- Good. - Don't dance.
904
00:49:03,523 --> 00:49:07,527
- That is so offensive. Get out of my car.
- I was just trying to help you.
905
00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:09,655
You know, today was horrible
906
00:49:10,447 --> 00:49:11,531
until it wasn't.
907
00:49:12,824 --> 00:49:13,824
I agree.
908
00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:19,039
Do me a favor, would you have fun tonight?
Seriously, you're gonna dazzle him.
909
00:49:21,375 --> 00:49:22,376
Unless you don't.
910
00:49:23,126 --> 00:49:24,878
Get out of my car.
911
00:49:25,420 --> 00:49:27,214
- I will drive off.
- Okay.
912
00:49:27,673 --> 00:49:29,758
- Right now.
- I'm out. Have a good night.
913
00:49:33,220 --> 00:49:34,580
The truth about coffee,
914
00:49:35,722 --> 00:49:37,099
it's all in the grind.
915
00:49:37,808 --> 00:49:40,268
It has to be precise or the water,
916
00:49:40,352 --> 00:49:43,772
it seeps through the filter too quickly,
and you end up with a weak-ass brew.
917
00:49:45,065 --> 00:49:47,734
Wow, you know a lot about coffee.
918
00:49:47,818 --> 00:49:49,695
Pour Over is an art form.
919
00:49:49,778 --> 00:49:52,197
It's not like that overly processed
swill you've got.
920
00:49:53,198 --> 00:49:56,118
I don't know,
I kind of like my overly processed swill.
921
00:49:56,535 --> 00:49:57,744
I'm sorry.
922
00:49:59,454 --> 00:50:02,082
I didn't mean to insult you.
I ramble when I'm nervous.
923
00:50:02,749 --> 00:50:04,543
Wait, did you just say you're nervous?
924
00:50:04,626 --> 00:50:06,169
- Of course I am.
- Why?
925
00:50:06,253 --> 00:50:10,007
I don't know if this is a date or not,
because you have a boyfriend.
926
00:50:10,090 --> 00:50:11,758
Oh, Brooks is not...
927
00:50:12,300 --> 00:50:15,512
Um, he is my boyfriend,
and we are dating hard.
928
00:50:15,595 --> 00:50:18,724
We're dating hard,
but, you know, we have, um,
929
00:50:20,058 --> 00:50:23,895
one of those advanced modern
relationships.
930
00:50:23,979 --> 00:50:25,564
We don't belong to anyone.
931
00:50:25,647 --> 00:50:28,191
I watched this Nat Geo doc
about dung beetles,
932
00:50:28,275 --> 00:50:32,070
how they find their mates by analyzing the
movements of a prospective mate's wings,
933
00:50:32,487 --> 00:50:36,992
and if they move in the same specific way,
they know they found their mate.
934
00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:40,912
Watching you and Brooks,
you move the same,
935
00:50:41,246 --> 00:50:43,582
like a couple of adorable dung beetles.
936
00:50:46,168 --> 00:50:47,168
Well,
937
00:50:48,086 --> 00:50:50,464
we're not shit-eating beetles, though.
938
00:50:52,299 --> 00:50:55,969
We're actually gonna be breaking up
very soon. In fact, very soon.
939
00:50:56,053 --> 00:50:57,095
- Okay.
- Um-hmm.
940
00:50:57,929 --> 00:50:59,056
So, I'm encouraged.
941
00:50:59,973 --> 00:51:01,892
- Oh, hi.
- Hey.
942
00:51:03,226 --> 00:51:06,146
So, you're into vinyl,
943
00:51:07,105 --> 00:51:09,816
and you're obviously very passionate
about coffee.
944
00:51:10,108 --> 00:51:11,401
What else are you into?
945
00:51:12,027 --> 00:51:15,530
I'm passionate about a lot of things,
most of all, my art.
946
00:51:16,198 --> 00:51:18,033
That's cool, I like art.
947
00:51:18,116 --> 00:51:20,285
- What's your medium?
- The street.
948
00:51:21,620 --> 00:51:22,454
No.
949
00:51:22,537 --> 00:51:26,208
Actually, you may have seen some
of my stuff, like, around town.
950
00:51:27,042 --> 00:51:28,042
What?
951
00:51:30,462 --> 00:51:31,671
- Oh.
- I'm...
952
00:51:31,755 --> 00:51:32,755
Don't say it.
953
00:51:33,173 --> 00:51:34,508
I'm Trashbug.
954
00:51:35,926 --> 00:51:36,927
You said it.
955
00:51:37,094 --> 00:51:39,054
You said who you are.
956
00:51:39,137 --> 00:51:40,806
- Are you familiar with my work?
- Uh-huh.
957
00:51:40,889 --> 00:51:43,558
Okay, you know how I did like
a baby in a gas mask,
958
00:51:43,642 --> 00:51:45,477
and I did like an old man in gas mask.
959
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:46,478
Oh, yeah.
960
00:51:46,561 --> 00:51:50,148
Right now, I'm working on something
that is going to blow those away.
961
00:51:50,857 --> 00:51:52,442
A cat in a gas mask.
962
00:51:53,860 --> 00:51:57,531
It's a commentary on itself and on
Dr. Seuss. I mean, cats don't wear hats.
963
00:51:58,990 --> 00:52:00,117
That is
964
00:52:01,660 --> 00:52:03,578
a very creative idea.
965
00:52:14,172 --> 00:52:15,090
Dude,
966
00:52:15,173 --> 00:52:18,343
Saturday night was insane. I just can't
tell if it was in a good or bad way.
967
00:52:18,426 --> 00:52:22,597
You think high school parties are crazy,
they have got nothing on office parties.
968
00:52:22,681 --> 00:52:25,350
I saw a drunk guy snort a line
of printer toner.
969
00:52:28,103 --> 00:52:30,188
Thanks again for letting me off the hook.
970
00:52:31,565 --> 00:52:34,276
Wow, what a great image of our friendship.
971
00:52:34,359 --> 00:52:35,735
I'm a fisherman,
972
00:52:35,819 --> 00:52:38,238
reeling you in against your will
to your death.
973
00:52:38,321 --> 00:52:40,782
That's not how I meant it.
How was your night?
974
00:52:40,866 --> 00:52:44,536
I was alone, so I got paired with
this group of drunk Germans.
975
00:52:44,619 --> 00:52:46,454
They didn't speak a word of English,
976
00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:49,583
so I wasn't included in any of the puzzle
solving, and to top if all off,
977
00:52:49,666 --> 00:52:52,002
a zombie,
it got me in like the first ten minutes.
978
00:52:52,419 --> 00:52:54,880
- The zombie actually bit you?
- No.
979
00:52:55,714 --> 00:52:56,882
One of the Germans did.
980
00:53:01,636 --> 00:53:04,306
It's not funny, sorry, just...
981
00:53:06,641 --> 00:53:09,686
It is a little funny.
It's funny, if you think it's funny too.
982
00:53:09,769 --> 00:53:11,062
But only if you...
983
00:53:11,605 --> 00:53:13,398
- It's funny. Come on.
- I gotta go to class.
984
00:53:13,481 --> 00:53:14,481
Murph.
985
00:53:17,527 --> 00:53:18,695
Murph.
986
00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:26,411
- Hey.
- No, you do not talk, I do the talking.
987
00:53:26,494 --> 00:53:27,329
Excuse me?
988
00:53:27,412 --> 00:53:28,412
I trusted you,
989
00:53:28,455 --> 00:53:31,625
Celia, and you chewed up that trust
and you spit it in my face.
990
00:53:31,708 --> 00:53:36,296
- Okay, what the hell is going on?
- I'm practicing for the big show.
991
00:53:36,379 --> 00:53:39,549
- Come on, did you forget?
- Oh, yeah, our breakup.
992
00:53:40,008 --> 00:53:44,095
So, I'm thinking that Shelby and Franklin
need to be there when it happens,
993
00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:45,472
so when we go off on our own,
994
00:53:45,555 --> 00:53:47,098
they're gonna wanna console us.
995
00:53:47,182 --> 00:53:50,310
Oh, shit, I almost forgot to ask you,
how did your date go?
996
00:53:53,730 --> 00:53:54,730
Well,
997
00:53:55,482 --> 00:53:56,900
it was the...
998
00:53:57,108 --> 00:53:59,027
start of something great.
999
00:53:59,110 --> 00:54:00,153
I, for one,
1000
00:54:00,237 --> 00:54:01,780
am super happy for you.
1001
00:54:01,863 --> 00:54:03,823
I am also happy for me
1002
00:54:04,157 --> 00:54:05,157
too.
1003
00:54:05,533 --> 00:54:07,369
- Yay.
- Okay.
1004
00:54:07,452 --> 00:54:09,246
Dope, see ya.
1005
00:54:09,871 --> 00:54:11,122
Yeah, I'll see you later.
1006
00:54:25,804 --> 00:54:27,013
I don't know.
1007
00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:28,181
You don't know what?
1008
00:54:29,182 --> 00:54:31,393
It doesn't really feel like me.
1009
00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:33,979
You look incredible.
1010
00:54:52,706 --> 00:54:53,706
- Hi.
- Hi.
1011
00:54:54,249 --> 00:54:55,417
- All set?
- Yeah.
1012
00:54:58,169 --> 00:54:59,169
Dressed to kill.
1013
00:55:02,173 --> 00:55:03,300
Nice.
1014
00:55:03,717 --> 00:55:05,760
You know, to kill our fake love.
1015
00:55:06,219 --> 00:55:07,419
Good, that's good.
Tight dress.
1016
00:55:11,474 --> 00:55:13,893
- High heels.
- Cool.
1017
00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:18,064
A live python around my neck.
1018
00:55:18,148 --> 00:55:20,668
Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out
what I'm gonna say tonight.
1019
00:55:20,734 --> 00:55:22,193
You're writing a breakup script?
1020
00:55:22,277 --> 00:55:24,946
Not a breakup script,
more like breakup bullet points.
1021
00:55:25,864 --> 00:55:26,864
Oh, wow.
1022
00:55:27,657 --> 00:55:29,284
Celia, you look great.
1023
00:55:29,367 --> 00:55:30,367
Thanks.
1024
00:55:31,661 --> 00:55:32,579
Where's the snake?
1025
00:55:32,662 --> 00:55:33,662
Ha.
1026
00:55:33,955 --> 00:55:35,540
- What's the plan?
- Right.
1027
00:55:35,623 --> 00:55:37,751
Um, so I was thinking
1028
00:55:38,710 --> 00:55:39,961
you're gonna go in first.
1029
00:55:41,504 --> 00:55:44,090
You walk around, mingle a bit,
do your thing.
1030
00:55:45,633 --> 00:55:50,055
Then, at exactly eight o'clock, you
strike up a conversation with Franklin.
1031
00:55:50,430 --> 00:55:53,224
It'll play better if it seems
like I'm catching you in the act.
1032
00:55:53,308 --> 00:55:56,686
You can put a gas mask on anything
and have a real impact on people,
1033
00:55:56,770 --> 00:55:59,356
like Thomas Jefferson, Mr. Rogers,
1034
00:56:00,106 --> 00:56:01,106
the Pope.
1035
00:56:01,649 --> 00:56:02,649
Huh?
1036
00:56:02,817 --> 00:56:03,817
The Pope.
1037
00:56:04,277 --> 00:56:07,322
That is brilliant.
I gotta jot that down.
1038
00:56:07,989 --> 00:56:11,493
You know that story about the guy
who has to push a boulder up a hill?
1039
00:56:11,701 --> 00:56:13,787
Every time it gets to the top
it rolls back down
1040
00:56:13,870 --> 00:56:15,705
and he has to start all over again.
1041
00:56:16,456 --> 00:56:18,249
That's what talking to you is like.
1042
00:56:19,376 --> 00:56:20,293
Thank you.
1043
00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:22,504
So, you're saying I'm like Sisyphus?
1044
00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:24,547
Oh, my God!
1045
00:56:25,006 --> 00:56:27,217
You have a lot of nerve
showing up here with him!
1046
00:56:27,634 --> 00:56:28,634
Okay.
1047
00:56:30,595 --> 00:56:33,848
- What are you talking about?
- You know exactly what I'm talking about.
1048
00:56:33,932 --> 00:56:36,559
- I heard about your little date.
- It was just coffee.
1049
00:56:36,643 --> 00:56:40,313
Please, to quote the great
George Costanza, "Coffee is not coffee,"
1050
00:56:40,397 --> 00:56:42,524
coffee is sex.
1051
00:56:42,690 --> 00:56:44,025
Coffee is better than sex.
1052
00:56:44,567 --> 00:56:46,611
Especially from the rare Kopi Luwak bean.
1053
00:56:47,779 --> 00:56:49,864
You think you're so much better than me,
Celia?
1054
00:56:49,948 --> 00:56:51,828
Better than everyone here,
but I know the truth.
1055
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:53,576
You're nothing but a hypocrite.
1056
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:54,994
A fake.
1057
00:56:55,078 --> 00:56:58,415
- Hold on a second.
- So you stomp around in those boots,
1058
00:56:58,498 --> 00:57:01,084
and you act so tough,
but that's all it is.
1059
00:57:01,709 --> 00:57:04,087
- It's just an act.
- Brooks, please don't do this.
1060
00:57:04,170 --> 00:57:06,840
A defense mechanism,
see it's a poor attempt
1061
00:57:07,215 --> 00:57:08,591
at pushing people away.
1062
00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:10,969
You're afraid that if somebody
got too close to you,
1063
00:57:11,052 --> 00:57:13,452
they might actually find out the truth.
That Celia Lieberman,
1064
00:57:14,931 --> 00:57:15,931
she's boring.
1065
00:57:17,517 --> 00:57:20,520
You wanna push me away?
Go ahead, cos we're through, baby.
1066
00:57:20,603 --> 00:57:22,021
We are done, we are...
1067
00:57:25,275 --> 00:57:27,068
How's that for a defense mechanism?
1068
00:57:29,863 --> 00:57:31,573
God, I hate these shoes.
1069
00:57:32,949 --> 00:57:33,949
Celia.
1070
00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:39,205
Celia! My dung beetle.
1071
00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:00,476
Brooks.
1072
00:58:03,354 --> 00:58:06,191
- Hey, are you good?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
1073
00:58:06,357 --> 00:58:10,361
Uh, physically I'm fine,
but emotionally I'm...
1074
00:58:10,570 --> 00:58:11,570
a wreck.
1075
00:58:11,613 --> 00:58:14,782
I hate to admit it,
but I kind of saw this one coming.
1076
00:58:14,866 --> 00:58:17,368
I mean, those two were being
really chummy at my party.
1077
00:58:17,869 --> 00:58:20,205
Yeah, well I can be oblivious sometimes.
1078
00:58:20,288 --> 00:58:22,081
Thank you for rubbing that in.
1079
00:58:43,937 --> 00:58:47,732
- So, here's a question.
- Yes, whatever it is, yes.
1080
00:58:49,984 --> 00:58:51,486
Will you go to formal with me?
1081
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:58,576
I mean, do I have to speak or can you
read my alarming fast heart rate? Yes.
1082
00:59:04,499 --> 00:59:07,544
Hold on, you guys have another formal?
How many does your school have?
1083
00:59:07,627 --> 00:59:10,046
As many that are needed
to fund the new stables.
1084
00:59:12,090 --> 00:59:15,385
Murph, you will never believe what
happened to me. Shelby kissed me.
1085
00:59:15,468 --> 00:59:20,014
Oh, dude, congrats.
I always knew you could do it.
1086
00:59:20,765 --> 00:59:23,434
- Who's Shelby?
- Toby, why are you here? Where's Murph?
1087
00:59:23,518 --> 00:59:25,728
- We switched shifts.
- Why? Is he sick?
1088
00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:28,439
I don't think so,
because it wasn't just for today.
1089
00:59:28,523 --> 00:59:30,567
It was for like the rest of the year.
1090
00:59:30,900 --> 00:59:33,570
- Did he say why?
- No.
1091
00:59:35,196 --> 00:59:39,951
Oh, yeah, you know what,
he did say that you were a selfish prick
1092
00:59:40,034 --> 00:59:43,037
and that you only think about yourself.
1093
00:59:44,831 --> 00:59:48,293
You don't think that has anything
to do with him switching shifts, do you?
1094
00:59:51,087 --> 00:59:53,590
I guess you think
this is pretty pathetic...
1095
00:59:54,465 --> 00:59:56,634
going for a walk with some old lady.
1096
00:59:57,427 --> 01:00:00,638
No, I feel like I actually needed this.
1097
01:00:01,472 --> 01:00:04,934
My granddaughter set this up.
I don't know the first thing about apps,
1098
01:00:05,727 --> 01:00:08,646
unless it's the Bloomin' Onion
at Outback Steakhouse.
1099
01:00:09,939 --> 01:00:11,691
- Now that's a good app.
- Mm-hm.
1100
01:00:13,401 --> 01:00:17,780
My husband and I did this every day
for the past 20 years.
1101
01:00:18,823 --> 01:00:22,118
- He passed away in June.
- I'm so sorry to hear that.
1102
01:00:22,201 --> 01:00:23,286
Oliver.
1103
01:00:23,953 --> 01:00:24,954
That was his name.
1104
01:00:26,664 --> 01:00:28,666
He was ugly as sin.
1105
01:00:29,834 --> 01:00:31,252
His face was weird.
1106
01:00:32,962 --> 01:00:36,966
He had the right sized face
on the wrong sized head.
1107
01:00:38,384 --> 01:00:40,303
Ol' smushy face,
1108
01:00:40,678 --> 01:00:41,971
that's what I called him.
1109
01:00:42,722 --> 01:00:43,848
That's real nice.
1110
01:00:44,974 --> 01:00:46,684
I didn't care what he looked like.
1111
01:00:47,894 --> 01:00:50,855
He made me laugh,
and I liked being around him.
1112
01:00:52,857 --> 01:00:55,652
You want to know how you can tell
if you're meant to be with someone?
1113
01:00:56,736 --> 01:00:58,488
- Please.
- It's simple.
1114
01:00:59,238 --> 01:01:01,282
Just sit and have a conversation.
1115
01:01:02,492 --> 01:01:04,202
Some people when you talk to them,
1116
01:01:04,285 --> 01:01:06,913
it's like trying to listen to
classical music
1117
01:01:06,996 --> 01:01:08,623
on a radio with no antenna.
1118
01:01:08,873 --> 01:01:11,626
You can push that dial back and forth
all you want,
1119
01:01:11,709 --> 01:01:13,252
but you only get static.
1120
01:01:14,587 --> 01:01:17,215
But when you're meant to be
with someone,
1121
01:01:18,007 --> 01:01:19,717
and they truly are the one,
1122
01:01:21,010 --> 01:01:22,220
you just sit,
1123
01:01:22,303 --> 01:01:23,763
start talking,
1124
01:01:24,722 --> 01:01:27,183
and a Beethoven sonata
will begin to play.
1125
01:02:00,383 --> 01:02:03,302
You haven't mentioned the formal, Cel.
It's tomorrow night.
1126
01:02:03,803 --> 01:02:06,013
Do you get a cut of the ticket sales
or something?
1127
01:02:07,056 --> 01:02:09,767
- You are going, right?
- I am actually.
1128
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:11,227
- With whom?
- Nobody.
1129
01:02:11,644 --> 01:02:12,854
I'm going whom-less.
1130
01:02:12,937 --> 01:02:14,230
What about Brooks?
1131
01:02:14,313 --> 01:02:17,316
I thought you guys were hanging out,
1132
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:19,235
to use the parlance of your time.
1133
01:02:19,318 --> 01:02:21,779
Dad, no. I don't want to go with anybody.
1134
01:02:22,321 --> 01:02:25,032
Not Brooks Rattigan, not Franklin Volley,
nobody.
1135
01:02:25,533 --> 01:02:27,201
- Okay?
- Honey, listen...
1136
01:02:27,285 --> 01:02:28,536
No, Mom, can you listen?
1137
01:02:28,619 --> 01:02:32,540
I have the rest of my life to get hung up
on relationships and dating,
1138
01:02:32,623 --> 01:02:35,126
and "Is he really into me?",
and "What does this text mean?"
1139
01:02:35,209 --> 01:02:36,711
- And all that bullshit.
- Celia.
1140
01:02:36,794 --> 01:02:41,634
Why is high school the time of your life that
you're expected to be good at everything?
1141
01:02:41,674 --> 01:02:44,010
I just wanna be whatever I am.
1142
01:02:45,136 --> 01:02:46,262
And I'm proud of that.
1143
01:02:47,013 --> 01:02:49,849
I just wanted you to have a better
high school experience than I had.
1144
01:02:51,642 --> 01:02:53,019
Here we go.
1145
01:02:53,102 --> 01:02:55,480
- Group hug.
- No, that's good.
1146
01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:56,731
- Group hug.
- Please.
1147
01:02:56,814 --> 01:03:00,067
- Yep.
- Oh, do we have to? Stop.
1148
01:03:02,570 --> 01:03:03,905
Okay.
1149
01:03:23,883 --> 01:03:24,759
Wow.
1150
01:03:24,842 --> 01:03:27,094
You look incredible.
1151
01:03:27,345 --> 01:03:28,387
Thanks.
1152
01:03:28,471 --> 01:03:31,933
It only took three stylists,
two hairdressers, one makeup artist,
1153
01:03:32,016 --> 01:03:35,186
Bioslimming active wrap,
two hours of pilates,
1154
01:03:35,269 --> 01:03:38,064
and like 12 pounds of moisturizer
to look this way.
1155
01:03:38,147 --> 01:03:40,191
Wow. I took a shower.
1156
01:03:41,275 --> 01:03:43,945
Hold on, wait, chivalry is not dead.
1157
01:03:44,904 --> 01:03:46,948
- All right.
- Thank you.
1158
01:03:47,573 --> 01:03:48,573
You're welcome.
1159
01:03:50,201 --> 01:03:51,494
What's that smell?
1160
01:04:09,887 --> 01:04:12,390
We ordered our tuna crudo,
like, ten minutes ago.
1161
01:04:13,766 --> 01:04:15,142
Yeah, it was a while ago.
1162
01:04:19,647 --> 01:04:23,109
So, Shelby, do you have any plans
for after high school?
1163
01:04:24,318 --> 01:04:25,611
I don't know, it's tough.
1164
01:04:25,695 --> 01:04:28,406
I don't, like, have my whole life
planned out or anything.
1165
01:04:28,489 --> 01:04:30,658
- Yeah, nobody does.
- Exactly.
1166
01:04:31,367 --> 01:04:33,369
So, in the fall,
I'll be going to Columbia,
1167
01:04:33,452 --> 01:04:35,580
where I'll major in applied economics
in management
1168
01:04:35,663 --> 01:04:36,998
with a concentration in finance,
1169
01:04:37,081 --> 01:04:40,626
and of course, I'll intern at my father's
hedge fund over the summers.
1170
01:04:41,043 --> 01:04:43,629
Then, it's off to Harvard Business School,
where I'll get my MBA.
1171
01:04:44,589 --> 01:04:46,757
I'll graduate, get some seed money
1172
01:04:46,841 --> 01:04:49,135
and then open up
my own private equity firm, but...
1173
01:04:50,177 --> 01:04:52,179
after that,
it's all kind of up in the air.
1174
01:04:52,847 --> 01:04:55,016
You really have to get
your shit together, huh?
1175
01:04:55,099 --> 01:04:56,434
Right, yeah.
1176
01:04:58,102 --> 01:05:01,102
- Yeah.
- How about you?
1177
01:05:01,772 --> 01:05:03,274
- Me?
- Yeah.
1178
01:05:04,358 --> 01:05:05,818
Well, I'm applying to Yale,
1179
01:05:06,611 --> 01:05:07,653
and then I'll...
1180
01:05:12,408 --> 01:05:15,536
Well, I've been obsessing over just
1181
01:05:15,953 --> 01:05:19,832
applying for so long, that I haven't even
thought about what I would do if I got in.
1182
01:05:19,916 --> 01:05:22,168
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
1183
01:05:24,420 --> 01:05:25,546
Yeah, but I'm 18.
1184
01:05:26,047 --> 01:05:30,176
I got time to figure out who I am
and what I want to do.
1185
01:05:31,761 --> 01:05:32,845
You know what I mean?
1186
01:05:34,305 --> 01:05:35,305
No.
1187
01:05:42,605 --> 01:05:44,023
Here you go. Have a nice night.
1188
01:05:52,156 --> 01:05:53,849
- Oh, no.
- What?
1189
01:05:54,325 --> 01:05:55,725
It's your ex.
1190
01:05:57,078 --> 01:05:58,746
Is this gonna be weird for you?
1191
01:05:58,829 --> 01:06:01,832
I mean, I personally don't care at all,
but maybe you should?
1192
01:06:01,916 --> 01:06:03,125
No, it's fine.
1193
01:06:05,336 --> 01:06:07,922
Wow, she's a really bad dancer.
1194
01:06:15,471 --> 01:06:16,847
Yeah, she's the worst.
1195
01:06:20,101 --> 01:06:21,852
So, you wanna go get a table or...?
1196
01:06:21,936 --> 01:06:23,771
- Yeah, sure.
- Brooks?
1197
01:06:25,022 --> 01:06:25,940
It is you.
1198
01:06:26,023 --> 01:06:27,817
Leah, hi. What are you doing here?
1199
01:06:27,900 --> 01:06:30,695
I go here.
Look, I just really wanted to thank you,
1200
01:06:30,778 --> 01:06:33,531
you really helped me out a lot.
If I hadn't used your services,
1201
01:06:33,614 --> 01:06:35,783
I wouldn't have been able
to get with Larry, here.
1202
01:06:35,866 --> 01:06:38,744
- Hi, I'm Larry.
- It's nice to meet you, Larry.
1203
01:06:38,828 --> 01:06:40,579
- Do you want to get that table?
- Uh...
1204
01:06:40,663 --> 01:06:43,624
Wait, what do you mean,
you used his services?
1205
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:47,253
- This table right here.
- His Stand-In app, Brooks for hire.
1206
01:06:47,712 --> 01:06:49,547
Isn't that what you're doing, Shelby?
1207
01:06:51,215 --> 01:06:54,927
Am I... am I paying somebody
to go out with me?
1208
01:06:55,469 --> 01:06:57,221
God, no. Gross.
1209
01:06:58,180 --> 01:06:59,390
- Brooks?
- Yeah?
1210
01:07:00,224 --> 01:07:02,059
What the hell is going on here?
1211
01:07:05,604 --> 01:07:06,604
I have a side...
1212
01:07:07,023 --> 01:07:09,525
business, where I go on dates with girls.
1213
01:07:11,318 --> 01:07:12,318
Why?
1214
01:07:14,447 --> 01:07:15,823
Wait.
1215
01:07:15,906 --> 01:07:19,118
You're not like a male prostitute
or anything, right?
1216
01:07:19,201 --> 01:07:20,578
Like, what is it?
1217
01:07:20,953 --> 01:07:21,871
A male gigolo?
1218
01:07:21,954 --> 01:07:24,274
Well, all gigolos are males,
but not all males are gigolos.
1219
01:07:24,623 --> 01:07:25,623
Gee...
1220
01:07:25,666 --> 01:07:29,336
No, it's clean and innocent.
I swear, it's...
1221
01:07:31,213 --> 01:07:35,217
I do it because I need the money.
Shelby, I'm not rich. I'm not from Darien.
1222
01:07:36,469 --> 01:07:40,181
I'm just some poor kid from Bridgeport,
who wanted to impress you.
1223
01:07:41,348 --> 01:07:43,100
I mean, look at you, you are smart,
1224
01:07:43,309 --> 01:07:46,937
and strong and beautiful,
and you are way too good for me.
1225
01:07:48,814 --> 01:07:49,814
You're right.
1226
01:07:50,691 --> 01:07:51,942
I am too good for you,
1227
01:07:52,526 --> 01:07:54,695
and not because
I have more money than you,
1228
01:07:55,529 --> 01:07:56,989
it's because I'm not a liar.
1229
01:08:26,352 --> 01:08:27,353
Hi.
1230
01:08:28,877 --> 01:08:30,377
Hey.
1231
01:08:33,275 --> 01:08:34,443
Where is your date?
1232
01:08:35,111 --> 01:08:37,780
She is elsewhere.
1233
01:08:39,198 --> 01:08:41,200
I told her everything.
1234
01:08:43,953 --> 01:08:44,995
Where's Franklin?
1235
01:08:46,497 --> 01:08:48,082
Oh, you know, he's somewhere.
1236
01:08:48,916 --> 01:08:51,794
Probably making sure no-one ever wants
to be an artist again.
1237
01:08:54,755 --> 01:08:56,799
- You guys didn't work out?
- No.
1238
01:08:57,508 --> 01:09:00,344
No, we didn't.
You know, he's not really my type.
1239
01:09:01,470 --> 01:09:04,390
Turns out I'm more into oblivious,
1240
01:09:04,849 --> 01:09:07,518
self-absorbed pricks, you know.
1241
01:09:10,604 --> 01:09:11,604
Right.
1242
01:09:14,692 --> 01:09:15,692
Well, then,
1243
01:09:17,903 --> 01:09:19,155
would you like to dance?
1244
01:09:27,371 --> 01:09:28,371
No.
1245
01:09:28,873 --> 01:09:29,873
No, I wouldn't.
1246
01:09:30,624 --> 01:09:31,624
Why not?
1247
01:09:32,751 --> 01:09:34,170
Because I'm not your backup.
1248
01:09:50,311 --> 01:09:51,604
You're home early.
1249
01:09:53,480 --> 01:09:54,480
Yeah.
1250
01:09:57,276 --> 01:09:58,276
Yeah.
1251
01:09:58,360 --> 01:10:02,072
Tonight didn't really go quite
as I thought it would.
1252
01:10:02,323 --> 01:10:03,323
I'm sorry, kid.
1253
01:10:07,203 --> 01:10:09,038
You wanna lay it on me?
1254
01:10:17,713 --> 01:10:18,881
I've been a stand-in.
1255
01:10:20,132 --> 01:10:21,132
I see.
1256
01:10:21,550 --> 01:10:24,595
And what do those two words mean
in this context?
1257
01:10:26,138 --> 01:10:28,557
Well, I started a dating service app.
1258
01:10:28,641 --> 01:10:30,142
- What?
- Yeah.
1259
01:10:30,226 --> 01:10:31,226
I was the date,
1260
01:10:31,477 --> 01:10:32,311
the stand-in.
1261
01:10:32,394 --> 01:10:34,688
I've raised quite the entrepreneur, huh?
1262
01:10:34,772 --> 01:10:36,982
I mean, it was more just really...
1263
01:10:38,275 --> 01:10:40,361
school dances, and um...
1264
01:10:40,694 --> 01:10:43,113
art show openings. I went to a rodeo.
1265
01:10:43,197 --> 01:10:44,907
Oh, yeah, the cowboy outfit.
1266
01:10:44,990 --> 01:10:46,992
- You saw that?
- Sure did, pardner.
1267
01:10:48,577 --> 01:10:51,705
Damn, Brooks, you did all that
just to raise money for Yale?
1268
01:10:53,749 --> 01:10:57,169
I'd have sold a non-vital organ,
if I'd known it meant that much to you.
1269
01:10:57,628 --> 01:10:59,713
There's a reason God gave us two kidneys.
1270
01:10:59,797 --> 01:11:03,175
That spare kidney is just a rainy day
cash cow, sitting there.
1271
01:11:05,386 --> 01:11:07,096
It wasn't really just for the money.
1272
01:11:07,680 --> 01:11:09,974
I went out on all these dates
1273
01:11:10,057 --> 01:11:14,228
and pretended to be whatever it was
that these girls wanted me to be,
1274
01:11:14,311 --> 01:11:16,272
because, I don't know, I thought that...
1275
01:11:16,772 --> 01:11:21,485
I thought that maybe I would find out
who I am, and Miss Track...
1276
01:11:21,819 --> 01:11:24,947
quite cruelly pointed out that
I have absolutely no idea who I am.
1277
01:11:25,030 --> 01:11:26,323
Anyway, it didn't work.
1278
01:11:26,407 --> 01:11:28,993
Yeah, well who the hell knows
who they are anyway.
1279
01:11:29,076 --> 01:11:32,037
We are all just figuring it out
as we go along.
1280
01:11:32,705 --> 01:11:33,831
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1281
01:11:34,373 --> 01:11:35,958
So, the best you can do is
1282
01:11:36,417 --> 01:11:38,711
reflect on who you were in the past
1283
01:11:38,794 --> 01:11:41,422
and compare that to
who you wanna be in the future,
1284
01:11:41,922 --> 01:11:44,466
and you split the difference.
That's who you are now.
1285
01:11:45,718 --> 01:11:47,469
Like, I was a success,
1286
01:11:48,012 --> 01:11:50,014
and I wanna be a success again.
1287
01:11:51,307 --> 01:11:52,975
And I was a good husband,
1288
01:11:53,934 --> 01:11:55,352
until your mom left us.
1289
01:11:55,936 --> 01:11:56,979
She left me,
1290
01:11:57,896 --> 01:12:00,816
but you know what I didn't fail at?
Is being a good dad.
1291
01:12:01,984 --> 01:12:03,861
Because of who you turned out to be.
1292
01:12:04,945 --> 01:12:07,781
I know sometimes
you think I gave up and...
1293
01:12:09,533 --> 01:12:11,243
yeah, maybe there's some truth in that.
1294
01:12:13,871 --> 01:12:15,289
But I never gave up on you.
1295
01:12:16,957 --> 01:12:17,957
I love you, bud.
1296
01:12:21,253 --> 01:12:23,613
- I love you too, Dad.
- I know.
1297
01:13:01,460 --> 01:13:03,587
Bro, that's why he's here, isn't it?
1298
01:13:03,670 --> 01:13:05,047
Anyway, let's go get a sub.
1299
01:13:09,927 --> 01:13:10,928
- I'll be back.
- Cool.
1300
01:13:16,558 --> 01:13:18,560
Not used to you being alone.
1301
01:13:18,644 --> 01:13:21,563
Yeah, well, I've successfully
pushed everyone else away, so...
1302
01:13:23,690 --> 01:13:26,693
It occurred to me that
I never would have been able to get
1303
01:13:26,777 --> 01:13:29,029
the Stand-In off the ground,
if it wasn't for you.
1304
01:13:29,696 --> 01:13:31,532
And then once
I finally got it to take off,
1305
01:13:31,615 --> 01:13:33,992
I shoved you out of the plane,
so I am sorry.
1306
01:13:34,493 --> 01:13:35,994
It's not that big a deal, man.
1307
01:13:36,495 --> 01:13:37,746
Uh...
1308
01:13:37,830 --> 01:13:40,791
I have an emotional parachute
that I've been weaving together,
1309
01:13:40,874 --> 01:13:42,584
every day I've been alive.
1310
01:13:43,293 --> 01:13:44,628
But how goes that Yale essay?
1311
01:13:45,129 --> 01:13:46,129
It's paused.
1312
01:13:46,296 --> 01:13:49,258
I'm not the best judge of my words
or my actions right now.
1313
01:13:50,801 --> 01:13:52,094
How's tuna melt?
1314
01:13:52,177 --> 01:13:53,512
He came back to the shop,
1315
01:13:53,971 --> 01:13:57,391
so, good, I guess?
Or, at the very least, not really bad.
1316
01:13:57,474 --> 01:14:01,019
He's not coming in
for middle of the road sandwich cuisine.
1317
01:14:01,103 --> 01:14:02,563
I get it, you're intimidated,
1318
01:14:02,646 --> 01:14:05,649
he's taller, he's stronger,
he's obviously better looking than you.
1319
01:14:06,150 --> 01:14:09,403
But you are the smart one,
so you have got to make the first move.
1320
01:14:13,615 --> 01:14:16,910
So, I guess, let's both do better
at what we have to do.
1321
01:14:16,994 --> 01:14:17,994
Huh?
1322
01:14:18,203 --> 01:14:19,037
Yeah.
1323
01:14:19,121 --> 01:14:20,414
Huh?
1324
01:14:21,165 --> 01:14:22,833
- All right.
- All right.
1325
01:14:29,965 --> 01:14:30,799
Watch this.
1326
01:14:30,883 --> 01:14:34,052
Hey, Rattigan, dude, I heard
what happened with you and my cousin,
1327
01:14:34,136 --> 01:14:36,263
and if it makes you feel any better,
1328
01:14:36,680 --> 01:14:38,432
I'll let you take my car for the weekend.
1329
01:14:39,308 --> 01:14:41,310
- No, I'm good.
- Just kidding, I'm not...
1330
01:14:41,685 --> 01:14:44,188
- What?
- I said, "I'm good." Thanks though, Reece.
1331
01:14:45,439 --> 01:14:47,232
- Really?
- Yeah.
1332
01:14:47,858 --> 01:14:48,859
It's just a car.
1333
01:14:50,194 --> 01:14:52,404
Look, if you ever need
someone to talk to, I'm here.
1334
01:14:53,113 --> 01:14:56,158
Okay, I know it can be rough
when your parents go through a divorce.
1335
01:14:56,617 --> 01:14:58,577
It makes you act differently, so....
1336
01:14:59,578 --> 01:15:01,163
Uh, what?
1337
01:15:55,842 --> 01:15:56,885
Hey, Celia.
1338
01:15:57,886 --> 01:15:58,886
Hey.
1339
01:16:00,722 --> 01:16:02,599
Thank you for saying yes to this.
1340
01:16:02,683 --> 01:16:04,601
Can I get you something, a coffee, or...?
1341
01:16:04,977 --> 01:16:06,770
I don't know, I have a Pour Over.
1342
01:16:06,853 --> 01:16:08,855
Franklin was right,
they're kind of divine.
1343
01:16:08,939 --> 01:16:10,691
Oh, God, no. No, thank you.
1344
01:16:13,443 --> 01:16:15,070
So, how have you been?
1345
01:16:16,196 --> 01:16:17,196
Good.
1346
01:16:17,364 --> 01:16:18,699
I'm good. I'm really good.
1347
01:16:19,950 --> 01:16:20,950
That's good.
1348
01:16:21,368 --> 01:16:22,368
Um-hmm.
1349
01:16:25,622 --> 01:16:26,873
Well, I killed the app.
1350
01:16:27,457 --> 01:16:28,667
Oh, that right?
1351
01:16:29,543 --> 01:16:32,337
Well, in the spirit of honesty,
which is kind of my new thing,
1352
01:16:32,421 --> 01:16:35,132
I haven't quite been able to bring myself
to delete it,
1353
01:16:35,215 --> 01:16:37,551
but I have denied all the requests
that are coming in.
1354
01:16:38,051 --> 01:16:39,928
And the women of the world weep.
1355
01:16:40,554 --> 01:16:43,807
Not really. There's a couple of copycat
apps that have popped up.
1356
01:16:44,057 --> 01:16:46,977
The market is getting saturated.
I got out of the game at a good time.
1357
01:16:47,561 --> 01:16:49,271
- Good.
- Yeah.
1358
01:16:53,775 --> 01:16:56,320
- It's nice to see you. I miss you.
- Brooks.
1359
01:16:57,487 --> 01:17:00,115
Please, just don't, okay?
1360
01:17:02,367 --> 01:17:04,494
Hey, am I gonna read the admissions letter
or what?
1361
01:17:04,578 --> 01:17:05,704
Yes, sorry.
1362
01:17:06,330 --> 01:17:08,165
I hope you didn't waste
too much time on it,
1363
01:17:08,248 --> 01:17:10,542
because based on your meeting
with the Dean,
1364
01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:13,337
you could have drawn a picture of a bee
and gotten in.
1365
01:17:14,046 --> 01:17:15,672
I actually didn't apply to Yale.
1366
01:17:16,465 --> 01:17:19,134
- Wait, what?
- Yeah, I accepted UCONN's offer.
1367
01:17:21,511 --> 01:17:22,511
Uh...
1368
01:17:23,055 --> 01:17:27,100
Hold on, I thought Yale
was everything to you.
1369
01:17:27,184 --> 01:17:28,184
It was.
1370
01:17:29,353 --> 01:17:30,687
It was and then I realized
1371
01:17:30,771 --> 01:17:33,357
that if I have to pretend
to be someone else to get in,
1372
01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:35,942
then I probably don't belong there.
1373
01:17:36,026 --> 01:17:37,026
You know?
1374
01:17:43,450 --> 01:17:44,534
Brooks, what is this?
1375
01:17:51,375 --> 01:17:54,628
Dear Admissions Office
of the University of Celia Lieberman,
1376
01:17:54,711 --> 01:17:56,797
First off, I just want to say
what an honor it is
1377
01:17:56,880 --> 01:18:00,258
just to be considered as a potential
attendee at your fine institution.
1378
01:18:00,342 --> 01:18:03,595
And secondly,
this feels really creepy writing to you
1379
01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:06,640
as if you're a university
and not a person, so I'll stop that now.
1380
01:18:07,140 --> 01:18:10,560
A few months ago, I was a guy
who carried around this empty feeling.
1381
01:18:10,811 --> 01:18:12,938
Then, I thought that it could be filled by
1382
01:18:13,021 --> 01:18:14,314
driving the nicest car,
1383
01:18:15,357 --> 01:18:19,361
dating the most popular girl,
or going to the fanciest school.
1384
01:18:20,112 --> 01:18:22,114
But the closer I got to having
any of these things,
1385
01:18:22,197 --> 01:18:23,907
the deeper that empty feeling got.
1386
01:18:24,616 --> 01:18:27,160
I've been so many people
these past few months.
1387
01:18:28,286 --> 01:18:31,456
A cowboy, an art connoisseur,
an amateur beekeeper,
1388
01:18:31,540 --> 01:18:33,875
a prep school wannabe, a bad friend,
1389
01:18:33,959 --> 01:18:37,212
an obnoxious son
and a self-obsessed prick.
1390
01:18:37,295 --> 01:18:39,423
But through it all
there were little pockets of air
1391
01:18:39,506 --> 01:18:41,591
when I felt like I was truly myself,
1392
01:18:42,509 --> 01:18:44,302
and that was when I was with you.
1393
01:18:52,644 --> 01:18:55,272
I don't know if you're accepting
applications right now,
1394
01:18:55,355 --> 01:18:58,442
but if not,
I am totally willing to be wait-listed.
1395
01:19:04,781 --> 01:19:05,782
Hey.
1396
01:19:06,491 --> 01:19:08,785
I was gonna cook a steak, do you want one?
1397
01:19:08,869 --> 01:19:10,370
- No, thanks.
- Are you sure?
1398
01:19:10,454 --> 01:19:12,289
- Yeah, I'm good.
- All right.
1399
01:19:15,417 --> 01:19:16,417
Hey...
1400
01:19:16,835 --> 01:19:19,337
you actually got some mail.
I put it on the table.
1401
01:19:20,797 --> 01:19:21,797
Oh, boy.
1402
01:19:22,174 --> 01:19:25,051
Just what I need.
It's probably another rejection letter.
1403
01:19:27,220 --> 01:19:28,138
This is...
1404
01:19:28,221 --> 01:19:30,098
It must be one of the grants
I applied for,
1405
01:19:30,182 --> 01:19:31,641
the Visionary Writing Award.
1406
01:19:31,725 --> 01:19:35,437
Dear Mr. Rattigan, in recognition
of your unparalleled literary talent,
1407
01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:39,483
we would like to offer you this grant to
further your career as a visionary writer.
1408
01:19:39,566 --> 01:19:42,903
- That's incredible, Dad.
- Yeah! That's how we do it!
1409
01:19:43,987 --> 01:19:46,156
Steak night. Boom!
1410
01:20:23,193 --> 01:20:24,903
I shouldn't have slapped you.
1411
01:20:25,028 --> 01:20:27,781
I mean, it felt great for me,
1412
01:20:27,989 --> 01:20:29,699
but I shouldn't have slapped you.
1413
01:20:30,242 --> 01:20:34,788
- No, I think I deserved it.
- Yeah, you did.
1414
01:20:35,413 --> 01:20:36,915
And, you know, I'd do it again.
1415
01:20:38,166 --> 01:20:39,835
But I'd really like to not have to.
1416
01:20:41,378 --> 01:20:42,963
So, are you ready to go?
1417
01:20:44,339 --> 01:20:45,173
Go where?
1418
01:20:45,257 --> 01:20:47,634
Our date. I'm taking you to the formal.
1419
01:20:47,717 --> 01:20:50,595
Another formal?
How expensive are horse stables?
1420
01:20:50,679 --> 01:20:52,097
It's just a shed over an animal.
1421
01:20:52,180 --> 01:20:55,642
No, I'm not going to another formal
for as long as I live.
1422
01:20:55,725 --> 01:20:59,271
Come on, I'm not taking no for an answer
and you know how stubborn I can be.
1423
01:21:00,564 --> 01:21:01,898
I do know that.
1424
01:21:04,442 --> 01:21:05,694
- Fine.
- Good answer.
1425
01:21:05,777 --> 01:21:09,239
But wait, you left literally
all the fields blank on the app, so
1426
01:21:09,322 --> 01:21:12,325
what kind of personality
would you like for your date?
1427
01:21:12,409 --> 01:21:14,202
There were so many good ones.
1428
01:21:14,995 --> 01:21:17,998
But I think
I'm gonna go with regular old
1429
01:21:18,081 --> 01:21:21,501
no-frills,
vanilla ice cream Brooks Rattigan.
1430
01:21:23,920 --> 01:21:25,380
I think I can make that happen.
1431
01:21:34,764 --> 01:21:35,764
Ooh!
1432
01:21:39,477 --> 01:21:40,562
Thanks, I got that.
1433
01:21:40,645 --> 01:21:42,814
- Nice of you to dress up.
- Yeah.
1434
01:21:43,398 --> 01:21:45,442
I just... I do what she tells me to do.
1435
01:21:45,525 --> 01:21:46,568
- Um-hmm.
- Um-hmm.
1436
01:21:46,651 --> 01:21:48,111
Hey, what's up?
1437
01:21:48,904 --> 01:21:49,904
Murph.
1438
01:21:50,864 --> 01:21:52,449
- This is incredible.
- I know.
1439
01:21:53,158 --> 01:21:55,619
I can't take all the credit,
the whole thing was Celia's idea,
1440
01:21:56,077 --> 01:21:57,996
and tuna melt is a whiz with décor.
1441
01:21:59,247 --> 01:22:00,247
What's his real name?
1442
01:22:02,334 --> 01:22:03,919
Oh, my God, you don't know.
1443
01:22:04,002 --> 01:22:05,629
How do you not know his name?
1444
01:22:05,712 --> 01:22:09,174
I keep hoping it will come up naturally
and it never does.
1445
01:22:09,257 --> 01:22:11,551
And I can't ask him now, I'm in too deep.
1446
01:22:13,345 --> 01:22:17,057
Look, I know it's early, but if you're
in need of a roommate next year...
1447
01:22:18,183 --> 01:22:19,183
No.
1448
01:22:19,351 --> 01:22:21,311
- Wait, you're going to UCONN?
- I am.
1449
01:22:21,394 --> 01:22:24,189
I didn't think they'd accept me,
considering my GPA is a bit iffy,
1450
01:22:24,272 --> 01:22:26,733
but I showed them some of my apps,
and they were impressed.
1451
01:22:26,816 --> 01:22:28,976
Who told you the Stand-In
would be good for both of us?
1452
01:22:29,027 --> 01:22:30,654
Not the Stand-In, they hated it.
1453
01:22:30,737 --> 01:22:31,571
- What?
- They hated it.
1454
01:22:31,655 --> 01:22:33,156
They liked MyTraxx,
1455
01:22:33,448 --> 01:22:36,117
and I tweaked it to be applicable
for student loans.
1456
01:22:36,326 --> 01:22:38,578
You know, which makes me a genius.
1457
01:22:38,662 --> 01:22:42,040
- Congratulations, man.
- Hey, Murph, help me with this table.
1458
01:22:42,540 --> 01:22:43,540
Got it, uh...
1459
01:22:43,875 --> 01:22:44,875
man.
1460
01:22:46,503 --> 01:22:50,548
Hey, I can bear this wait no longer,
you've gotta tell me.
1461
01:22:51,508 --> 01:22:52,592
Did I get in?
1462
01:22:53,343 --> 01:22:54,386
Hmm.
1463
01:22:54,469 --> 01:22:55,595
It was a tough call.
1464
01:22:56,262 --> 01:22:59,849
I mean, your essay was littered
with sentence fragments and run-ons,
1465
01:22:59,933 --> 01:23:02,143
like, seriously, but,
1466
01:23:02,602 --> 01:23:04,479
after careful consideration,
1467
01:23:05,689 --> 01:23:09,776
the Admissions Board of the University
of Celia Lieberman
1468
01:23:09,859 --> 01:23:12,487
is pleased to inform you
that, yes, you are accepted.
1469
01:23:14,656 --> 01:23:16,908
- Come on!
- Hey, don't get too excited.
1470
01:23:16,992 --> 01:23:21,162
You are on a probationary basis, okay?
Like, one semester at a time.
1471
01:23:21,246 --> 01:23:23,164
Okay. Well, I'll take what I can get.
1472
01:23:23,248 --> 01:23:27,210
So, I mean, what are you gonna do
to celebrate this acceptance?
1473
01:23:27,293 --> 01:23:29,462
There are a few things
that I'd like to do.
1474
01:23:29,546 --> 01:23:31,047
Oh, inform me. What?
1475
01:23:31,131 --> 01:23:32,882
Well, one,
1476
01:23:33,508 --> 01:23:35,135
I really wanna do this.
1477
01:23:43,810 --> 01:23:44,810
And two,
1478
01:23:46,146 --> 01:23:47,397
I wanna do that again.
1479
01:24:00,535 --> 01:24:01,535
And three,
1480
01:24:02,829 --> 01:24:04,039
I want to dance.
1481
01:24:04,873 --> 01:24:07,834
Oh, you think you can keep up with me?
1482
01:24:07,917 --> 01:24:09,461
Well, I'd like to try.
1483
01:24:17,927 --> 01:24:19,054
Whoa!
1484
01:24:23,850 --> 01:24:24,850
Yes, Murph.
1485
01:24:25,769 --> 01:24:26,811
Hello, Celia.