1 00:00:33,353 --> 00:00:36,593 /It all started 27 years ago. 2 00:00:36,673 --> 00:00:38,353 /That's an orphanage. 3 00:00:38,433 --> 00:00:42,113 /That's me in the basket. /I guess somebody didn't want me. 4 00:00:42,153 --> 00:00:44,673 /I hear they did want /the basket back, though. 5 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,713 /But it was fine in the orphanage. 6 00:00:46,753 --> 00:00:48,913 /That's me in the third row. 7 00:00:48,993 --> 00:00:50,713 /I wasn't very popular. 8 00:00:50,793 --> 00:00:53,353 /Of course, everybody wanted to be adopted. 9 00:00:53,433 --> 00:00:55,553 /Luckily, lots of families came. 10 00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:58,393 /And everybody got to go live with a family. 11 00:00:58,473 --> 00:01:00,393 /Oh, except me. 12 00:01:00,433 --> 00:01:02,833 /But I tried not to give up hope. 13 00:01:02,913 --> 00:01:04,873 /Then, one day, 14 00:01:04,953 --> 00:01:08,153 /something magical happened, /just like out of a fairy tale. 15 00:01:08,233 --> 00:01:10,233 /Do you remember the one /where the wolf huffed and puffed 16 00:01:10,313 --> 00:01:11,993 /and blew the piggies' house down? 17 00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:15,073 /And he was wearing a glass slipper, /I think, and he had a pumpkin? 18 00:01:15,153 --> 00:01:16,993 /Plus there was that other thing? 19 00:01:17,073 --> 00:01:19,393 /Well, the same thing happened to me, 20 00:01:19,473 --> 00:01:21,833 /only vastly different. 21 00:01:21,913 --> 00:01:23,353 /I changed. 22 00:01:23,393 --> 00:01:26,913 /And the next thing you know, /people seemed to like me for once. 23 00:01:26,993 --> 00:01:29,393 /And then pictures were taken, /and suddenly I found the family 24 00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:31,033 /I always wanted. 25 00:01:31,713 --> 00:01:35,033 /Oh, I forgot to tell you, my name is Shelley. 26 00:01:35,073 --> 00:01:37,273 /Now I live in the Playboy Mansion. 27 00:01:37,353 --> 00:01:41,513 /And this is where I want to live /happily ever after. 28 00:01:57,913 --> 00:02:02,193 - Throw the ball to me, Kim. - H, nice catch. Awesome throw. 29 00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:05,913 - Hey, Lauren. - Hi, Shelley! 30 00:02:07,033 --> 00:02:08,553 Hi, Hef! Hi, girls! 31 00:02:08,633 --> 00:02:10,833 Hi, Shelley. Looking good. 32 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,993 - Marvin! - H, hey, Shelley. 33 00:02:15,073 --> 00:02:16,433 Thank you. 34 00:02:16,513 --> 00:02:20,113 You guys have to try one of these. Marvin makes the best margaritas. 35 00:02:20,193 --> 00:02:23,873 /That's 'cause they're mangoritas. I invented them myself. 36 00:02:23,953 --> 00:02:26,273 I added my own little Marvin twist to them. 37 00:02:26,353 --> 00:02:29,633 Well, you're the best twister I know. 38 00:02:29,713 --> 00:02:31,753 No, Shelley, you're the best twister. 39 00:02:31,793 --> 00:02:33,953 - Shelley. - Hi! 40 00:02:33,993 --> 00:02:37,233 Why are you keeping the rich, good-looking, famous guys all to yourself? 41 00:02:37,313 --> 00:02:39,473 - You should introduce me. - H, of course. 42 00:02:39,553 --> 00:02:42,593 Guys, this is Cassandra. /She's only been here for a few months, 43 00:02:42,673 --> 00:02:45,073 but everybody loves her, because /she's super-beautiful 44 00:02:45,153 --> 00:02:48,513 and she never throws up on anybody when /she's drunk. 45 00:02:49,913 --> 00:02:52,873 So, Shelley, are you a centerfold? 46 00:02:54,473 --> 00:02:56,113 She wishes. 47 00:02:56,193 --> 00:02:59,753 Yeah, I do. So keep all your fingers crossed. 48 00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:03,113 Hopefully Hef'll give me the good news this weekend at my birthday party. 49 00:03:03,193 --> 00:03:06,233 I've got my "turn /ons" all ready and everything. 50 00:03:06,313 --> 00:03:10,953 Being a centerfold is the highest, most prestigious honor there is. 51 00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:15,033 It says, /"I'm naked in the middle of a magazine. 52 00:03:15,953 --> 00:03:17,793 /"Unfold me." 53 00:03:17,873 --> 00:03:20,633 I gotta tell you, it seems you've got a pretty good life here. 54 00:03:20,673 --> 00:03:22,713 H, /it's paradise. 55 00:03:22,793 --> 00:03:25,953 We are just one big family. I am so happy. 56 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:29,393 Why would I wanna live anywhere else? 57 00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:18,393 I love this one. /Don't you guys? 58 00:04:18,433 --> 00:04:22,233 We'll put this on the Mansion tab and have it all sent over this afternoon. 59 00:04:22,313 --> 00:04:25,473 /Aren't we just the luckiest girls in the whole world? 60 00:04:25,553 --> 00:04:27,313 Yes, you are. 61 00:04:28,113 --> 00:04:30,513 Your birthday party on /Friday's gonna be so much fun! 62 00:04:30,593 --> 00:04:31,593 Shelley! 63 00:04:31,673 --> 00:04:34,913 H, my God. I bet you're gonna get Miss November. 64 00:05:42,953 --> 00:05:44,753 Good morning, Shelley. 65 00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:46,953 Rise and shine, sweetheart. 66 00:05:49,393 --> 00:05:51,353 Good morning, Marvin. 67 00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:55,713 Good morning, Pooter. You're looking dapper. 68 00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:59,793 Your blueberry French toast is ready. 69 00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,193 /Ooh-la-la. 70 00:06:01,233 --> 00:06:02,473 /That's French, right? 71 00:06:02,553 --> 00:06:04,313 Yeah, but more important than the food, 72 00:06:04,393 --> 00:06:06,713 I actually added something to your orange juice. 73 00:06:06,793 --> 00:06:10,113 H, Marvin, thank you so much for telling me. 74 00:06:10,193 --> 00:06:12,433 Usually I /don't find out until much later. 75 00:06:12,513 --> 00:06:15,993 H, no. To add zest to the drink, first I put in some vanilla extract, 76 00:06:16,073 --> 00:06:20,113 then, of course, some egg yolks, and then, I have a secret ingredient. 77 00:06:20,153 --> 00:06:22,713 All right, you twisted my arm, /it's chili powder. 78 00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:27,793 Yeah. It just explodes your taste buds, so the drink just envelops your mouth. 79 00:06:27,913 --> 00:06:30,513 H, I love having my mouth enveloped. 80 00:06:31,113 --> 00:06:32,553 /What's that? 81 00:06:33,753 --> 00:06:36,673 Is this from Hef? Is this my birthday gift? 82 00:06:36,753 --> 00:06:39,713 H, Pooter, is it finally happening? Am I Miss November? 83 00:06:39,793 --> 00:06:42,273 /That's what I wished for when I blew out my candle. 84 00:06:42,353 --> 00:06:44,873 H, my gosh, I just told you my wish. Now it /won't come true. 85 00:06:44,953 --> 00:06:47,753 /I'm so sorry. I /didn't mean to tell, it just came out. 86 00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:49,873 My teeth /couldn't stop it. 87 00:06:50,433 --> 00:06:53,153 I take it all back, I take it all back. 88 00:06:54,353 --> 00:06:55,953 Kay, /I'm ready. 89 00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:01,913 /"Dear Shelley..." h, my gosh, /that's me. 90 00:07:01,993 --> 00:07:03,713 Wait, /there's more. 91 00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:07,433 /"Please move out of the Mansion /immediately." 92 00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:13,593 Move out? 93 00:07:18,073 --> 00:07:22,393 /"You have two hours to collect your belongings and leave the premises. 94 00:07:23,753 --> 00:07:26,273 /"All my love, Hef." 95 00:07:28,473 --> 00:07:30,273 /Hef's kicking me out? 96 00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:33,273 Why would he do that? 97 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:35,993 This is my home. This is my family. 98 00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:41,433 I hate to say this, Shelley, but maybe /it's because of your age. 99 00:07:41,473 --> 00:07:43,633 But /I'm 27. 100 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,833 Yeah, but /that's 59 in Bunny years. 101 00:07:47,713 --> 00:07:52,313 But I just turned 27 last night. 102 00:07:52,393 --> 00:07:55,073 /It's almost like /I'm still 26. 103 00:07:55,153 --> 00:07:56,273 R 58. 104 00:07:57,033 --> 00:08:00,313 I've gotta talk to Hef, maybe he'll let me stay. 105 00:08:00,993 --> 00:08:02,153 Hef! 106 00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:03,833 Hef! 107 00:08:04,393 --> 00:08:05,473 Hef! 108 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,193 Hef! 109 00:08:09,473 --> 00:08:10,953 Where is he? 110 00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:15,473 He left for Vegas, Shelley. I /don't think /he's that good with goodbyes. 111 00:08:17,233 --> 00:08:19,393 Why is this all happening? 112 00:08:21,193 --> 00:08:23,073 /Where's my pink Prius? 113 00:08:23,873 --> 00:08:28,713 The Prius actually belongs to the company. This is the car you came here with. 114 00:08:29,753 --> 00:08:31,033 But... 115 00:08:37,073 --> 00:08:38,593 Come on, Pooter. 116 00:08:38,673 --> 00:08:41,073 We have to go find a new place to live. 117 00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:42,633 Come on, now. 118 00:08:42,673 --> 00:08:44,713 Come here, Pooter. 119 00:08:44,793 --> 00:08:47,833 Here, let me help, Shelley. Hey, Pooter. /Shelley's calling you now. 120 00:08:47,913 --> 00:08:50,753 Come on, Pooter. Go with Shelley, buddy. Pooter! 121 00:08:50,833 --> 00:08:53,673 That hurts! Go with Shelley, Pooter! 122 00:08:56,193 --> 00:08:57,473 Damn it! 123 00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:07,153 Why /don't I just keep him here for a little while, until he calms down? 124 00:09:07,233 --> 00:09:08,753 Kay. 125 00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:10,553 Well, /don't worry, Pooter. 126 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,513 /I'm gonna find us a really nice place to live, 127 00:09:13,593 --> 00:09:15,753 and then maybe you'll wanna come live with me. 128 00:09:15,833 --> 00:09:17,233 /I'm sure he will. 129 00:09:17,273 --> 00:09:19,833 Well, you take care, Shelley. 130 00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:32,513 Bye. 131 00:09:42,193 --> 00:09:44,713 I know /it's an embarrassment to live in a beat-up car, 132 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,473 but /don't lose faith, Pooter. 133 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,073 /I'm gonna get a great job soon, 134 00:09:48,153 --> 00:09:51,793 and find us a super place to live, with a new family. 135 00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:53,833 I pinkie promise, Pooter. 136 00:10:04,633 --> 00:10:06,393 Good evening, ma'am. 137 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,633 You violated Code 753. /That's unlawful spitting. 138 00:10:11,473 --> 00:10:13,233 I was just brushing my teeth. 139 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,713 You currently residing in this car, ma'am? 140 00:10:15,793 --> 00:10:18,033 /I'm gonna have to issue another ticket. 141 00:10:18,113 --> 00:10:21,753 Would you maybe stop giving me tickets if I told you I was having a really bad week 142 00:10:21,833 --> 00:10:24,433 because I used to be a Playboy Bunny, but I got kicked out of the Mansion 143 00:10:24,513 --> 00:10:26,833 because /I'm 59 years old? 144 00:10:27,993 --> 00:10:32,713 /I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the car and take a Breathalyzer. 145 00:10:32,793 --> 00:10:33,873 Kay. 146 00:10:38,393 --> 00:10:39,433 Noises. 147 00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:42,233 /I'm gonna need you to blow on this. 148 00:10:42,313 --> 00:10:43,473 Really? 149 00:10:44,993 --> 00:10:47,073 I guess. 150 00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:54,593 You tried to do what? 151 00:10:54,673 --> 00:10:55,953 To a cop? 152 00:10:58,713 --> 00:11:00,153 Stupid! 153 00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:02,313 I was just doing what he said. 154 00:11:02,393 --> 00:11:04,153 He was in a uniform and everything. 155 00:11:04,233 --> 00:11:07,073 /Don't worry, sweetie. First-timers only get one night. 156 00:11:07,113 --> 00:11:09,433 You'll be back on the street selling in no time. 157 00:11:09,513 --> 00:11:13,033 But /I'm not a prostitute. I was just brushing my teeth. 158 00:11:17,993 --> 00:11:19,793 I like your tights. 159 00:11:21,393 --> 00:11:25,953 And, you know, you should really go for a more natural look. 160 00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,993 All that heavy makeup just hides your beauty. 161 00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:30,833 /I'm a dude. 162 00:11:31,593 --> 00:11:34,233 H, well, you're good like that. 163 00:12:18,553 --> 00:12:20,553 So, did you hear about the pool party at Jordan's? 164 00:12:20,633 --> 00:12:22,273 It was unbelievable. 165 00:12:22,353 --> 00:12:23,673 - H, last Saturday? - Yes. 166 00:12:23,753 --> 00:12:26,913 - H, my God. He makes the best margaritas. - Yep. /It's because he uses mangos. 167 00:12:26,953 --> 00:12:29,193 - No. Really? - He read about them somewhere. 168 00:12:29,273 --> 00:12:30,313 Yeah, mangoritas. 169 00:12:30,393 --> 00:12:32,273 - /Jordan's just so hot. - I know. 170 00:12:32,353 --> 00:12:33,393 So are all his friends. 171 00:12:33,473 --> 00:12:35,993 Yeah, seriously, I've tried to hook up with all of them. 172 00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:38,713 - No, you have not. - Yes. Yes, I did. 173 00:12:39,833 --> 00:12:41,393 Two of them, I succeeded. 174 00:12:41,473 --> 00:12:43,433 - Really? - It was amazing. 175 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,953 Who knew? 176 00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:47,073 I was so excited. 177 00:12:54,033 --> 00:12:56,513 Looks like a mini-Playboy Mansion. 178 00:13:10,913 --> 00:13:12,593 - Hi. - Hi. 179 00:13:15,473 --> 00:13:16,473 Hi. 180 00:13:17,473 --> 00:13:19,033 Can I help you? 181 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,113 Yes. I would like to live here, please. 182 00:13:22,193 --> 00:13:26,113 H, I know, right? But you have to be asked to live here. 183 00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:29,513 - Do you go to this school? - This is a school? 184 00:13:30,433 --> 00:13:32,233 Where are the desks? 185 00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:36,793 No. This is a sorority house at a school. 186 00:13:36,873 --> 00:13:39,953 And you do look like an older, 187 00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:42,913 sluttier version of the type of girl we would want. 188 00:13:42,993 --> 00:13:46,833 But, /I'm sorry, you're not a student. It was so nice talking to you. 189 00:13:46,873 --> 00:13:49,393 - But I really think it's... - So nice. 190 00:13:52,513 --> 00:13:56,673 And our piano is from Tuscany. Very high-end. 191 00:13:56,713 --> 00:13:59,673 I believe that every detail of the house 192 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:02,473 should be a reflection of the girls who live here. 193 00:14:02,553 --> 00:14:05,793 Hi. Do you ladies go to school here, too? 194 00:14:05,873 --> 00:14:07,513 Not anymore. 195 00:14:08,193 --> 00:14:11,193 We're the housemothers of the sororities on campus. 196 00:14:11,273 --> 00:14:12,753 /That's so dope. 197 00:14:12,793 --> 00:14:15,353 Do you live in the houses with the girls? 198 00:14:15,433 --> 00:14:16,753 Yes. 199 00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:18,793 /That's even dopier. 200 00:14:19,513 --> 00:14:21,193 So, what do housemothers do? 201 00:14:21,273 --> 00:14:22,833 We oversee the meal plans, 202 00:14:22,913 --> 00:14:26,393 chaperone the social events, make sure the girls stay out of trouble. 203 00:14:26,473 --> 00:14:30,033 H, my gosh. /That's exactly what I used to do back at the Mansion. 204 00:14:30,113 --> 00:14:31,513 Can I be one, too? 205 00:14:31,593 --> 00:14:35,673 /I'm sorry. This is a sorority, not a brothel. 206 00:14:35,753 --> 00:14:38,593 A brothel? H, /I'm not looking to make soup. 207 00:14:38,673 --> 00:14:40,553 /I'm looking to be like you. 208 00:14:40,593 --> 00:14:42,633 I wanna be a housemother. 209 00:14:43,073 --> 00:14:44,913 We have standards. 210 00:14:44,993 --> 00:14:49,393 Standards that you clearly do not meet. But it was nice to meet you. 211 00:14:49,873 --> 00:14:50,913 But I just want to... 212 00:14:50,993 --> 00:14:52,113 - So nice. - So nice. 213 00:15:01,513 --> 00:15:05,593 Try Zeta. Their last housemother was hospitalized with hallucinations. 214 00:15:05,673 --> 00:15:06,953 Awesome. 215 00:15:08,593 --> 00:15:09,953 Awesome. 216 00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:25,993 Hello? 217 00:15:32,873 --> 00:15:37,033 Dean Simmons. Please, please. We are trying so hard. I promise you. 218 00:15:37,593 --> 00:15:39,753 This seems really unfair. And /I'm not gonna attack you. 219 00:15:39,833 --> 00:15:42,593 I /don't want you to feel attacked by all of us, so /I'm just gonna say /"me." 220 00:15:42,673 --> 00:15:45,353 To me, this feels really unfair. 221 00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:48,913 Natalie. Look, I feel the same way you do. 222 00:15:48,993 --> 00:15:50,113 But the fact remains, 223 00:15:50,193 --> 00:15:53,793 you guys have not met your requirements for three years running now. 224 00:15:53,873 --> 00:15:56,953 And /I'm under a lot of pressure from other sororities 225 00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:59,193 complaining that we're bending the rules for you. 226 00:15:59,273 --> 00:16:02,633 By "other /sororities," do you happen to mean Phi lota Mu? 227 00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:05,873 I really /don't think it matters who complained. 228 00:16:05,953 --> 00:16:08,833 Natalie, rules are rules. 229 00:16:13,713 --> 00:16:15,233 Drama queen. 230 00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:17,913 H, /I'm sorry I scared you. 231 00:16:17,993 --> 00:16:20,393 Do you think you could help me out of here, though? 232 00:16:20,473 --> 00:16:21,993 What? Yeah. 233 00:16:22,953 --> 00:16:23,953 Thanks. 234 00:16:24,033 --> 00:16:26,233 /I'm so sorry, I think I broke your Z. 235 00:16:26,313 --> 00:16:30,113 H. No, /it's okay. It falls off, like, every time we open the door. 236 00:16:30,193 --> 00:16:32,833 Well, at least you still have T and A. 237 00:16:33,353 --> 00:16:35,473 T and an A. Who are you? 238 00:16:38,913 --> 00:16:42,433 My name is Shelley, and /I'm here to be your housemother. 239 00:16:44,553 --> 00:16:47,513 Well, /it's nice to meet you, Shelley. 240 00:16:48,553 --> 00:16:50,513 But, unfortunately, he... 241 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,353 /It's a little too late. 242 00:16:54,393 --> 00:16:58,073 We're about to lose our charter, so if we /don't have a house, 243 00:16:58,153 --> 00:17:00,313 we /won't really be needing a housemother. 244 00:17:01,193 --> 00:17:04,233 Well, why are they gonna take your house away? 245 00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:10,553 Because we get no pledges, and everyone kind of thinks we're losers. 246 00:17:11,033 --> 00:17:15,033 /That's so sad. Why does everyone else get all the pledges? 247 00:17:15,113 --> 00:17:17,873 Well, they have great parties, and 248 00:17:18,353 --> 00:17:21,073 boys actually like them. 249 00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:25,353 /I'm an expert at parties and boys. /I'm a Bunny. 250 00:17:25,393 --> 00:17:27,873 Men write to me from prison, sometimes in their own blood. 251 00:17:27,953 --> 00:17:29,793 I mean, I assume /it's theirs, who knows? I don't. 252 00:17:29,873 --> 00:17:30,993 /I'm sorry, /I'm nervous right now, 253 00:17:31,073 --> 00:17:33,833 because I really wanna help you guys, because I know I can do it. 254 00:17:33,913 --> 00:17:35,993 Wow, a Bunny? 255 00:17:36,393 --> 00:17:38,233 Like a centerfold? 256 00:17:38,313 --> 00:17:43,393 H, bless your heart, no. Just a couple of small pictorials, 257 00:17:43,473 --> 00:17:47,713 /"Girls of the Midwest," "Girls with /GEDs," /"Girls of Charlie Sheen." 258 00:17:48,593 --> 00:17:50,873 But now /I'm a homeless person. 259 00:17:51,953 --> 00:17:53,753 God, /I'm so sorry. 260 00:17:54,433 --> 00:17:55,593 Good luck. 261 00:17:55,673 --> 00:17:58,313 Wait, but I can really help you guys. 262 00:18:00,273 --> 00:18:02,233 So if we /don't get pledges, we lose our charter? 263 00:18:02,313 --> 00:18:05,393 - We need 30. - Thirty pledges? /There's seven of us, dude. 264 00:18:05,473 --> 00:18:07,873 Technically, /71l2 now. 265 00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:09,073 Hey! 266 00:18:09,153 --> 00:18:12,473 H, nothing a little fertilizer /can't help. 267 00:18:14,353 --> 00:18:17,193 Not you, Tanya. I was talking about Harmony. 268 00:18:17,273 --> 00:18:20,353 Actually, /73l4 as of Tuesday last week. 269 00:18:21,073 --> 00:18:23,193 Guys, we're never gonna get that many pledges. 270 00:18:23,273 --> 00:18:26,433 This is just their way of shutting us down. 271 00:18:27,513 --> 00:18:28,953 This is awful. 272 00:18:29,033 --> 00:18:31,073 Hey, Joanne, just FYI, 273 00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:34,313 you've got refrigerator magnets stuck to your brace again. 274 00:18:34,353 --> 00:18:35,713 Actually, we need that. /That's our grocery list. 275 00:18:35,793 --> 00:18:37,913 I knew that. I knew that. 276 00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:40,273 - No, you didn't. - Did so. 277 00:18:40,793 --> 00:18:43,553 - Why do we need knee-highs? - H, my God. 278 00:18:45,233 --> 00:18:47,873 H, my God. /There's boys on our lawn. 279 00:18:50,273 --> 00:18:51,873 Are they lost? 280 00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:53,033 Nice. 281 00:18:53,793 --> 00:18:57,113 The Leaning Panther. I like that. /Yoga's hot. 282 00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:00,273 So, are you a Zeta? 283 00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:02,793 H, I wish. 284 00:19:03,633 --> 00:19:08,713 Yeah, I do, too, because Zeta would be my new favorite hizzety-hang. 285 00:19:09,433 --> 00:19:11,673 Well, she is not a Zeta, 286 00:19:12,513 --> 00:19:15,393 because /she's our new hizzety-housemother. 287 00:19:16,313 --> 00:19:18,673 She'll be hizzy-tizzies... 288 00:19:18,753 --> 00:19:20,953 She'll be here all the time. 289 00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:23,513 You're hiring me? 290 00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:25,993 H, give me some of that. 291 00:19:26,993 --> 00:19:28,753 H, God bless her. 292 00:19:29,513 --> 00:19:32,113 - Why are they acting like that? - Yes. 293 00:19:33,113 --> 00:19:36,793 H, /that's boys just being boys. 294 00:19:37,513 --> 00:19:39,073 Thank goodness. 295 00:19:44,553 --> 00:19:48,953 H, my gosh! I am just so happy that you guys want me here. 296 00:19:48,993 --> 00:19:50,993 You are not gonna be sorry. 297 00:19:51,073 --> 00:19:53,473 So this is how we're gonna get pledges? 298 00:19:53,553 --> 00:19:57,753 Hiring an archaically superficial reflection of the male fantasy? 299 00:19:57,833 --> 00:20:00,033 Well, guys like her. 300 00:20:00,153 --> 00:20:05,113 And since guys /don't like us, I figured she could help. 301 00:20:05,153 --> 00:20:10,193 So, in order to be in a sisterhood, now we have to be popular? 302 00:20:10,273 --> 00:20:14,913 No, no. In order to keep our house, though, we do have to be popular. Yes. 303 00:20:14,993 --> 00:20:18,153 So, I figured Shelley here could teach us how. 304 00:20:18,233 --> 00:20:21,273 Kay, look, /don't get me wrong. I love guys. 305 00:20:21,393 --> 00:20:24,193 But I lived in a house filled with girls for nine years, 306 00:20:24,273 --> 00:20:29,193 and I know that /there's nothing better than just being with your sisters, 307 00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:33,633 sharing, talking all night, painting each /other's bodies, 308 00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:37,873 baking penis cookies, playing with monkeys... 309 00:20:38,673 --> 00:20:41,513 - /Where'd you live? - The Playboy Mansion. 310 00:20:47,793 --> 00:20:51,313 No, that /doesn't make her a hooker. Sorry. 311 00:20:56,233 --> 00:20:58,793 /She's shy. /She's just... 312 00:20:58,993 --> 00:21:02,833 /She's so shy. /That's Lilly, also, by the way. 313 00:21:02,873 --> 00:21:04,033 Lilly. 314 00:21:05,633 --> 00:21:08,513 And this here is Harmony. 315 00:21:08,593 --> 00:21:09,873 Harmony. 316 00:21:12,833 --> 00:21:14,993 And Carrie Mae. 317 00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:16,513 Carrie Mae. 318 00:21:16,593 --> 00:21:19,353 And then Joanne, over there. 319 00:21:19,433 --> 00:21:20,753 Joanne. 320 00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:25,513 Wow, you hired the Exorcist. /That's great. 321 00:21:25,593 --> 00:21:27,193 What is that? 322 00:21:27,273 --> 00:21:29,753 Is that like a Yoda thing, or what? 323 00:21:30,353 --> 00:21:32,353 /It's fun, but, what... 324 00:21:32,433 --> 00:21:36,913 h, no, no. /It's just this thing I do to remember /people's names. 325 00:21:36,993 --> 00:21:37,993 Natalie. 326 00:21:38,073 --> 00:21:42,113 So, thank you guys so much for letting me be your housemother. 327 00:21:42,953 --> 00:21:44,793 No, /it's no problem. 328 00:21:46,593 --> 00:21:48,353 Because you just... 329 00:21:49,153 --> 00:21:50,913 This is just gonna be great. 330 00:21:50,993 --> 00:21:52,113 But I have to go take a shower, 331 00:21:52,153 --> 00:21:55,433 because I /haven't had one since I slept in my car and spent the night in jail. 332 00:21:55,513 --> 00:21:56,673 Sweet. 333 00:21:58,993 --> 00:22:01,313 - Hi, girls. - H, my God! 334 00:22:01,393 --> 00:22:03,593 Shelley! Hi. /Where's your robe? 335 00:22:03,673 --> 00:22:05,353 H, I just like to air dry. 336 00:22:05,433 --> 00:22:07,593 H, she just likes to air dry. 337 00:22:07,633 --> 00:22:09,593 My God, you're so vapid. 338 00:22:09,673 --> 00:22:11,433 H, my gosh. Thank you so much. 339 00:22:11,513 --> 00:22:14,433 You're like the hundredth person /who's told me that. 340 00:22:14,473 --> 00:22:18,713 Shell? Just a quick little side note, 341 00:22:18,793 --> 00:22:20,233 I /don't think that some of the girls in this house 342 00:22:20,313 --> 00:22:22,193 have even seen their own bodies naked, 343 00:22:22,273 --> 00:22:26,633 so they probably /don't really want to see your perfectly engineered boobs. 344 00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:31,393 Well, /I'm just walking around in the body God and Dr. Borkman gave me. 345 00:22:35,473 --> 00:22:37,553 Hey, Shelley, why /don't you throw some clothes on? 346 00:22:37,633 --> 00:22:39,953 We've got a lot of work to do. 347 00:22:40,673 --> 00:22:43,793 This year, we are gonna get lots and lots of pledges. 348 00:22:43,873 --> 00:22:45,153 Kay. 349 00:22:45,233 --> 00:22:48,633 H, we also need to raise money for our philanthropy. 350 00:22:48,673 --> 00:22:50,593 /What's a phila-canopee? 351 00:22:51,273 --> 00:22:54,353 H, no. /It's a philanthropy. 352 00:22:55,073 --> 00:22:56,153 /It's like a charity. 353 00:22:56,233 --> 00:22:58,873 H, I love charity. 354 00:22:58,953 --> 00:22:59,913 Ne time, at the Mansion, 355 00:22:59,993 --> 00:23:03,553 I even let Bob Saget grind on me during a slow dance. 356 00:23:06,713 --> 00:23:09,193 And /here's a list of ideas I came up with for fundraisers 357 00:23:09,273 --> 00:23:11,553 that might make us a little more popular. 358 00:23:11,633 --> 00:23:15,793 So, please take a read. 359 00:23:15,873 --> 00:23:18,113 /"Start a beekeeping club." 360 00:23:18,193 --> 00:23:20,433 We could have the masks, even. 361 00:23:22,513 --> 00:23:24,833 /"Paleolithic bake sale." 362 00:23:24,913 --> 00:23:28,353 Hi! Dinosaurs! Like, everyone saw /Jurassic Park. 363 00:23:29,993 --> 00:23:31,793 /"B. Y...M." 364 00:23:31,873 --> 00:23:33,113 Bring your own man? 365 00:23:33,153 --> 00:23:35,713 No. Bring your own mouse! 366 00:23:36,593 --> 00:23:37,793 Which is better. 367 00:23:37,873 --> 00:23:40,353 Because they're cute and they're little and you can hold them. 368 00:23:40,433 --> 00:23:45,113 And also, another thing that I thought of was, you could dress them up. 369 00:23:45,193 --> 00:23:48,073 /It's the whole fun part of it, is you can put them in little outfits. 370 00:23:48,153 --> 00:23:50,593 You can make, like, an Abraham Lincoln mouse. 371 00:23:50,673 --> 00:23:52,833 And you could do like Joan of... 372 00:23:52,913 --> 00:23:56,193 Why do /everyone's eyes glaze over when I talk about this? 373 00:23:56,273 --> 00:23:57,873 Whoa. No. 374 00:23:57,953 --> 00:24:01,473 No, they /weren't glazing. They were just taking a break. 375 00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:05,313 Natalie, these are super, super-great ideas. 376 00:24:05,353 --> 00:24:07,833 Thank you. I worked really hard. 377 00:24:07,913 --> 00:24:11,313 But we might wanna try something a little more 378 00:24:11,793 --> 00:24:12,873 sexy. 379 00:24:14,393 --> 00:24:17,993 Car wash. Come get your car washed. 380 00:24:18,593 --> 00:24:21,713 Here we are at the Zeta House Car Wash. 381 00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:24,753 I have a car, and /I'm great at washing it. 382 00:24:26,273 --> 00:24:28,353 I am so offended right now. 383 00:24:28,953 --> 00:24:30,953 Come on, guys, /let's give her a chance. 384 00:24:31,033 --> 00:24:33,393 - Car wash. - Car wash! 385 00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:35,553 You said you needed to raise money. 386 00:24:35,633 --> 00:24:40,913 Well, washing cars is a fun and sexy way to make all the money that we need. 387 00:24:41,633 --> 00:24:44,353 So, car wash! 388 00:24:45,233 --> 00:24:46,633 Car wash. 389 00:24:47,633 --> 00:24:49,753 We're having a car wash. 390 00:24:49,833 --> 00:24:51,073 Car wash. 391 00:24:51,633 --> 00:24:54,393 No, I /can't bend that way. 392 00:24:54,433 --> 00:24:56,353 Hey, watch this, guys. 393 00:25:02,233 --> 00:25:03,393 Hi, guys. 394 00:25:03,473 --> 00:25:04,673 Dude, /that's wild. 395 00:25:04,713 --> 00:25:06,993 H, my God. Shelley, /that's Colby. /I'm in love with him. 396 00:25:07,073 --> 00:25:10,833 H, /that's so sweet. How long have you guys been going out? 397 00:25:11,593 --> 00:25:15,433 No. We are not going out. I've never even talked to him. 398 00:25:16,313 --> 00:25:18,113 And /he's coming this way. What do I do? 399 00:25:18,193 --> 00:25:19,433 Do sexy. 400 00:25:20,793 --> 00:25:24,593 Wash these cars, you sexy bitches! 401 00:25:24,673 --> 00:25:27,393 They are filthy. And so are you! 402 00:25:28,233 --> 00:25:30,193 Did she just call us bitches? 403 00:25:30,273 --> 00:25:32,073 Did she just call us sexy? 404 00:25:32,153 --> 00:25:34,473 Wash! Wash! Wash! 405 00:25:34,513 --> 00:25:37,633 Wash! Wash! Wash! Wash! 406 00:25:40,313 --> 00:25:41,913 - Hey, girls. - Hi. 407 00:25:42,753 --> 00:25:45,913 Kay, /that's the first time we've ever spoken, so... First time. 408 00:25:45,953 --> 00:25:47,073 Hi! 409 00:25:47,713 --> 00:25:51,633 We're just washing cars and being sexy. 410 00:25:51,713 --> 00:25:52,713 Mostly sexy. 411 00:25:52,793 --> 00:25:55,753 So, does anybody want a wet T-shirt? 412 00:25:56,713 --> 00:26:00,273 - Yeah. - R, you know, maybe some wet pants. 413 00:26:05,073 --> 00:26:08,193 Someone went accident in her sexy pants. 414 00:26:08,273 --> 00:26:11,873 So, anyway, we're having some drinks over at Theta later. 415 00:26:11,913 --> 00:26:13,833 - Theta. - Totally. 416 00:26:13,913 --> 00:26:15,953 You wanna come over? 417 00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:17,193 Yes. 418 00:26:17,713 --> 00:26:20,953 Well, we are a little thirsty. 419 00:26:21,033 --> 00:26:23,353 Maybe you guys are, too. 420 00:26:23,433 --> 00:26:26,553 Why /don't you have a drink right now? 421 00:26:26,593 --> 00:26:28,713 I'll take a little sip. 422 00:26:33,433 --> 00:26:34,993 I am so sorry. 423 00:26:36,113 --> 00:26:39,673 Thought /I'd help you wash the testosterone off your face, Colby. 424 00:26:39,753 --> 00:26:41,273 Well, cool. 425 00:26:41,353 --> 00:26:45,233 So, what time can we drop by for drinks? 426 00:26:46,633 --> 00:26:48,593 Now that you mention it, 427 00:26:49,313 --> 00:26:50,993 the guest list is looking pretty full. 428 00:26:51,073 --> 00:26:53,513 So, maybe next time, all right? 429 00:26:53,553 --> 00:26:55,113 Hey, Super-brace! 430 00:26:55,193 --> 00:26:57,993 Il can. Il can. 431 00:26:58,073 --> 00:27:01,433 Not cool, man. /Let's go. Come on, come on, /let's go. 432 00:27:02,913 --> 00:27:05,393 Well, I think we're done here, sexy bitches. 433 00:27:05,433 --> 00:27:07,513 Thanks a lot, Mona. 434 00:27:07,593 --> 00:27:10,193 The one chance I get to talk to Colby, and you completely ruin it. 435 00:27:10,273 --> 00:27:11,953 Yeah, because the whole peeing-in-your-pants thing 436 00:27:12,033 --> 00:27:13,673 was really working out well for you. 437 00:27:13,753 --> 00:27:15,193 Thank you. 438 00:27:15,273 --> 00:27:18,873 My /car's still dirty, so I'll be out here if you need me. 439 00:27:21,913 --> 00:27:23,953 Do you want a car wash? 440 00:27:25,753 --> 00:27:27,033 Me? 441 00:27:27,113 --> 00:27:29,713 H, no. No. I have a bike. 442 00:27:29,793 --> 00:27:31,953 Besides, I gotta get back to work. 443 00:27:32,033 --> 00:27:34,393 H, yeah. I know all about work. 444 00:27:34,953 --> 00:27:37,353 /I'm at work right now, actually. 445 00:27:37,433 --> 00:27:39,593 H, do you wash cars? 446 00:27:39,673 --> 00:27:42,313 No. /I'm the Zeta Sorority Housemother. 447 00:27:42,953 --> 00:27:45,633 You seem a little young to be a housemother. 448 00:27:45,673 --> 00:27:46,913 Really? 449 00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:49,993 You think /I'm young? 450 00:27:50,073 --> 00:27:52,153 H, thank you. 451 00:27:52,233 --> 00:27:53,753 Thank you. 452 00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:57,513 /I'm sorry to invade your space, but I needed that. 453 00:27:59,273 --> 00:28:01,473 So, /what's your job? 454 00:28:01,553 --> 00:28:03,553 H... Job. 455 00:28:04,393 --> 00:28:07,433 I manage a nursing home. 456 00:28:09,393 --> 00:28:12,513 /It's so great you give nurses a place to live. 457 00:28:13,273 --> 00:28:16,433 Actually, /it's a nursing home for senior citizens. 458 00:28:16,873 --> 00:28:19,673 An old /folks'... Id people. Id people. 459 00:28:20,273 --> 00:28:22,113 I know lots of old men. 460 00:28:22,193 --> 00:28:26,193 Hairy and not hairy. But I /don't mean to brag. 461 00:28:26,833 --> 00:28:28,673 So, they live there? 462 00:28:29,713 --> 00:28:31,713 Like an orphanage for old people? 463 00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:35,633 Well, yeah. I mean, /that's one way you could look at it. Yeah. 464 00:28:36,433 --> 00:28:39,153 Their parents are gone, and they live in a big building 465 00:28:39,193 --> 00:28:41,433 all by themselves, wondering where everybody went, 466 00:28:41,513 --> 00:28:43,633 and I think /I'm gonna cry. 467 00:28:44,993 --> 00:28:49,993 Listen, if you want, you know, you could stop by the nursing home, 468 00:28:50,073 --> 00:28:53,033 because we always need volunteers to help out 469 00:28:53,073 --> 00:28:55,153 and visit with the old people, 470 00:28:55,233 --> 00:28:56,793 if you're interested. 471 00:28:56,873 --> 00:28:59,753 Yeah. /I'd love to. 472 00:29:01,793 --> 00:29:05,753 My name is Shelley. And I like long walks and hate rude people. 473 00:29:06,593 --> 00:29:09,673 H, /that's good to know. /I'm liver. 474 00:29:09,753 --> 00:29:12,033 - Liver. - Yes. 475 00:29:12,113 --> 00:29:16,473 I like taking long walks with rude people. Nly on short piers, though. 476 00:29:21,193 --> 00:29:22,793 /That's funny. 477 00:29:22,833 --> 00:29:24,753 - You're funny. - Thank you. 478 00:29:24,833 --> 00:29:26,273 - Bye. - Bye. 479 00:29:29,953 --> 00:29:31,073 Guys. 480 00:29:32,153 --> 00:29:34,233 Kay, this /isn't my fault. /Don't like... 481 00:29:34,313 --> 00:29:36,233 I know it was a disaster, but she's... 482 00:29:36,313 --> 00:29:39,553 You guys, I just had the best idea for our phila-tropy. 483 00:29:39,633 --> 00:29:40,953 Philanthropy. 484 00:29:41,033 --> 00:29:44,153 We are gonna volunteer at /liver's nursing home. 485 00:29:44,233 --> 00:29:45,913 Who is liver? 486 00:29:45,993 --> 00:29:49,033 /He's this guy I just met. /He's really sweet. 487 00:29:49,113 --> 00:29:50,473 And /he's kind of cute, too. 488 00:29:51,633 --> 00:29:53,033 Well... 489 00:29:53,113 --> 00:29:57,913 I /don't know if you guys can recognize this, but Shelley is meeting guys. 490 00:29:57,993 --> 00:30:00,753 And if she knows how to meet guys, then we will learn how to meet guys. 491 00:30:00,833 --> 00:30:04,833 Then more girls'll wanna hang out with us. Hence, more pledges. 492 00:30:05,393 --> 00:30:06,993 Yeah. Hence! 493 00:30:07,073 --> 00:30:08,793 Kay, /here's what we need to do. 494 00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:12,313 We need to get all dressed up, and then we need to go to a club 495 00:30:12,353 --> 00:30:15,913 and drink fruity drinks and dirty-dance with each other. 496 00:30:15,953 --> 00:30:19,673 - Why? - To bond, y'old grumpy. 497 00:30:20,113 --> 00:30:22,673 Yeah, y'old grumpy. To bond. 498 00:30:22,753 --> 00:30:25,953 The /music's playing. Ur bodies are swaying. 499 00:30:26,033 --> 00:30:27,433 You know what /I'm saying? 500 00:30:27,473 --> 00:30:31,353 You know? We could like play some form of dodge ball, maybe. 501 00:30:33,953 --> 00:30:36,913 We could tie our shoes together, our tennis shoes, 502 00:30:36,993 --> 00:30:39,633 and we could throw them over telephone wires. 503 00:30:39,713 --> 00:30:40,753 Because I see that everywhere, 504 00:30:40,833 --> 00:30:43,393 and it seems like people would have fun doing that. 505 00:30:43,473 --> 00:30:45,473 Like, "How hard can you /throw?" 506 00:30:45,553 --> 00:30:48,793 You know what I mean? Like how... What are you... 507 00:30:52,033 --> 00:30:54,153 r we could go to a club. 508 00:31:08,353 --> 00:31:11,713 Six Virgin Marys and one Kamikaze. 509 00:31:11,793 --> 00:31:15,513 /Here's to Zetas, to making you guys the best sorority ever. 510 00:31:18,313 --> 00:31:21,193 H, Mona, that guy is totally checking you out. 511 00:31:21,273 --> 00:31:24,153 - Go flirt with him. - Right. 512 00:31:24,233 --> 00:31:26,913 Think of it as research, Mona. Research. 513 00:31:26,993 --> 00:31:28,953 Get over there. Get on that horse! 514 00:31:29,033 --> 00:31:31,153 Go, go. Go! 515 00:31:35,513 --> 00:31:36,833 You like what you see, stud? 516 00:31:36,913 --> 00:31:39,673 /I'm not really sure what /I'm looking at, metalface. 517 00:31:39,753 --> 00:31:42,233 Let me guess, is it a Hannibal Lecter thing? 518 00:31:42,313 --> 00:31:43,753 Yeah, it is. 519 00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:52,633 /There's a big box of cutesicles. 520 00:31:52,713 --> 00:31:54,393 Carrie Mae, go work your magic. 521 00:31:54,473 --> 00:31:56,593 The only magic I've ever done was try to figure out a way 522 00:31:56,673 --> 00:32:00,793 to stay in college for nine years and not go back to my trailer park in Idaho. 523 00:32:00,873 --> 00:32:03,793 So, figure out a way into his heart. 524 00:32:03,833 --> 00:32:07,673 Just go over there and talk to him about any old thing. 525 00:32:11,953 --> 00:32:14,433 Excuse me, you know where the crapper is? 526 00:32:14,473 --> 00:32:17,073 I have to drop off some timber. 527 00:32:18,913 --> 00:32:20,393 Go away. 528 00:32:21,713 --> 00:32:23,593 /What'd I do? 529 00:32:23,673 --> 00:32:26,113 /It's okay. /It's just, Carrie Mae, sometimes 530 00:32:26,153 --> 00:32:29,993 men like their women with a little bit of mystery. 531 00:32:30,113 --> 00:32:33,033 So, get back over there and try it again. 532 00:32:37,953 --> 00:32:39,393 Excuse me. 533 00:32:40,113 --> 00:32:41,593 You know where the crapper is? 534 00:32:41,633 --> 00:32:44,673 I have to do a very mysterious thing in there. 535 00:32:45,233 --> 00:32:47,193 Drop off some timber. 536 00:32:48,593 --> 00:32:51,433 /I'm definitely not drunk enough for that. 537 00:32:55,153 --> 00:32:58,513 Well, this is good, though. 538 00:32:58,593 --> 00:33:00,793 This is really good practice. 539 00:33:01,393 --> 00:33:02,873 Hey, /it's the Zetas. 540 00:33:02,953 --> 00:33:04,193 - Hi. - Hi. 541 00:33:04,273 --> 00:33:05,953 I feel like we never see you guys out. 542 00:33:05,993 --> 00:33:08,513 We never see them out, either. 543 00:33:08,593 --> 00:33:11,313 I met you yesterday. I was that homeless girl. 544 00:33:11,393 --> 00:33:12,833 Now /I'm their house mom. 545 00:33:12,913 --> 00:33:15,593 Congratulations. /That's awesome. 546 00:33:15,633 --> 00:33:18,433 So, hey, you guys got here just in time. 547 00:33:18,473 --> 00:33:22,713 We're doing a little karaoke contest. Sororities versus fraternities. 548 00:33:22,793 --> 00:33:25,273 Yeah, you guys can go next if you want. 549 00:33:25,353 --> 00:33:26,833 Yeah! Come on! 550 00:33:26,913 --> 00:33:30,713 H, girls! Always say "yes" to karaoke. 551 00:33:31,353 --> 00:33:33,193 Yeah, we'll pick a great song for you. 552 00:33:33,273 --> 00:33:35,433 /Don't worry, you /can't be any worse than we were. 553 00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:37,673 - Seriously, we were wretched. - Awful. 554 00:33:37,753 --> 00:33:39,633 - I /don't know. - H, okay. Kay, listen. 555 00:33:39,713 --> 00:33:43,633 Just give me a second. I promise the Zetas are going up on stage. 556 00:33:43,713 --> 00:33:45,273 Awesome. Great. 557 00:33:46,033 --> 00:33:48,593 You guys, karaoke is so fun! 558 00:33:48,673 --> 00:33:52,073 You gotta get up there and do karaoke. Boys like singing. /It's sexy. 559 00:33:52,153 --> 00:33:55,873 Go! Go! Get up there! Go! Go! 560 00:33:56,993 --> 00:33:58,633 I think we can do it. 561 00:33:58,713 --> 00:34:00,953 We can do anything better than those mannequins, you guys. 562 00:34:01,033 --> 00:34:02,993 I might puke, but /let's do it! 563 00:34:03,073 --> 00:34:04,833 /That's the spirit! 564 00:34:05,833 --> 00:34:09,553 All right! Get up there, you Bravehearts! 565 00:34:13,553 --> 00:34:16,153 /All right, that was Kappa Eta Sigma! 566 00:34:20,833 --> 00:34:23,593 /Next up, the Zetas? 567 00:34:24,913 --> 00:34:27,273 /Singing Like A Virgin. 568 00:34:35,113 --> 00:34:38,073 /I made it through the wilderness 569 00:34:38,753 --> 00:34:41,993 /Somehow I made it through 570 00:34:43,993 --> 00:34:49,113 /Didn't know how lost I was /Until I found you 571 00:34:50,833 --> 00:34:54,553 /I was beat, incomplete 572 00:34:54,633 --> 00:34:59,153 /I'm a hag and I'm fat and rude 573 00:34:59,233 --> 00:35:01,993 /But you made me feel 574 00:35:02,873 --> 00:35:05,793 /Yeah, you made me feel 575 00:35:05,873 --> 00:35:10,473 /Like a big bag of poop 576 00:35:10,953 --> 00:35:12,913 /Like a loser 577 00:35:14,273 --> 00:35:17,833 /We're rejected all the time 578 00:35:18,993 --> 00:35:22,753 /Like a loser 579 00:35:22,833 --> 00:35:26,753 /Who's so retarded, it's a crime 580 00:35:26,833 --> 00:35:28,633 /Like a... 581 00:35:38,593 --> 00:35:40,473 That was not nice. 582 00:35:41,393 --> 00:35:42,673 Awesome. 583 00:35:42,753 --> 00:35:44,713 You wanna get cut, bitch? 584 00:35:44,793 --> 00:35:47,753 H, classy. Very classy. 585 00:35:47,793 --> 00:35:51,913 No, no, no, no, /she's right, Courtney. I mean, we should apologize. 586 00:35:51,993 --> 00:35:53,873 Especially since we're about to take their house. 587 00:35:53,953 --> 00:35:56,513 - H, right. - Where are you taking it? 588 00:35:56,593 --> 00:35:59,233 Well, we heard that you were losing your charter, 589 00:35:59,313 --> 00:36:03,593 so Phi lota Mu is gonna buy your crappy house when it goes on sale after rush. 590 00:36:03,633 --> 00:36:08,073 Yes, we are going to have so many pledges, we'll need all of the extra space. 591 00:36:08,113 --> 00:36:09,513 H, but /don't worry. 592 00:36:09,593 --> 00:36:12,713 I mean, we'll still let you guys stay on and be the maids. 593 00:36:12,793 --> 00:36:16,513 You can sweep the chimney. /Won't that be nice? 594 00:36:16,593 --> 00:36:18,473 Does the little one understand human talk? 595 00:36:18,553 --> 00:36:21,393 H, and I guess that when we buy your house, 596 00:36:21,473 --> 00:36:23,353 you'll go back to being homeless. 597 00:36:23,433 --> 00:36:24,633 /I'm a housemother. 598 00:36:24,713 --> 00:36:28,193 A Zeta housemother, and I /don't like some of the things you were saying. 599 00:36:28,273 --> 00:36:31,713 Because they do understand human talk, and you hurt their feelings. 600 00:36:31,793 --> 00:36:33,793 H, Shelley, come on. /It's not worth it, /let's go. 601 00:36:33,833 --> 00:36:35,313 Yeah, you should go. 602 00:36:35,393 --> 00:36:36,713 It was so nice to see you. 603 00:36:36,793 --> 00:36:37,793 But I really think that... 604 00:36:37,873 --> 00:36:39,033 - So nice. - So nice. 605 00:36:40,673 --> 00:36:43,233 That was so humiliating, you guys. 606 00:36:43,313 --> 00:36:44,513 I know it was awful. 607 00:36:44,593 --> 00:36:47,193 And I am so mad that they did that to you guys, 608 00:36:47,273 --> 00:36:50,673 but we /can't listen to those girls. 609 00:36:50,753 --> 00:36:53,633 Why? They're right. We are losers. 610 00:36:53,713 --> 00:36:55,713 H, we're not losers. 611 00:36:56,313 --> 00:36:58,673 You just ignore that dumb old wall. 612 00:36:59,793 --> 00:37:03,873 Well, you're not a loser, Shelley. People like you. You're pretty. 613 00:37:03,953 --> 00:37:06,953 I just /don't understand that kind of behavior. 614 00:37:07,633 --> 00:37:09,033 Trust me. 615 00:37:09,113 --> 00:37:13,553 You guys, I can make you way hotter than any old Phi lota Mu. 616 00:37:14,433 --> 00:37:18,793 By the time /I'm done, every girl on campus'll want to pledge Zeta. 617 00:37:18,873 --> 00:37:21,753 No, really, we are just a bunch of misfits. 618 00:37:23,273 --> 00:37:27,233 Lilly just texted me from the closet. She says we're not misfits. 619 00:37:27,313 --> 00:37:28,913 Well, I hope she was being ironic. 620 00:37:30,353 --> 00:37:31,793 Go, go, go, go, go! 621 00:37:31,873 --> 00:37:33,033 - Are we doing this? - Do it! 622 00:37:33,113 --> 00:37:34,753 - All right. - Here. 623 00:37:34,793 --> 00:37:36,673 You can do this. 624 00:37:36,753 --> 00:37:40,753 If I thought you all were quitting... My heart would just fall out of my head. 625 00:37:40,833 --> 00:37:43,153 Shelley, your heart is not in your head. 626 00:37:43,233 --> 00:37:46,833 Your heart has its own cavity. Right under your fake boobs. 627 00:37:46,873 --> 00:37:48,513 Do you understand how moronic you sound 628 00:37:48,593 --> 00:37:51,593 when you say your heart is gonna fall out of your head? 629 00:37:51,673 --> 00:37:53,153 Well, Mona, 630 00:37:53,713 --> 00:37:57,793 I totally understand why that saying sounds mixed-up, 631 00:37:57,873 --> 00:38:00,113 but I /don't mean it for real. 632 00:38:00,193 --> 00:38:03,553 I /don't think that my heart is in my skull. 633 00:38:03,633 --> 00:38:08,633 What I mean is that sometimes logic tells you to do something, 634 00:38:08,713 --> 00:38:12,153 but you have to have part of your heart in it as well. 635 00:38:12,633 --> 00:38:17,753 My head and my heart tell me that we can save Zeta. 636 00:38:18,913 --> 00:38:23,793 We need 30 pledges, and I know just how to do it. 637 00:38:24,713 --> 00:38:28,153 By making you guys the hottest girls on campus. 638 00:38:33,953 --> 00:38:35,353 I'll get it. 639 00:38:40,553 --> 00:38:42,713 - Does that say "Zeta"? - Yeah. 640 00:38:44,633 --> 00:38:47,033 This is war. 641 00:38:47,113 --> 00:38:48,713 Enough is enough. 642 00:38:48,793 --> 00:38:51,993 /Let's do this. /There's no way those bitches are getting our house. 643 00:39:05,753 --> 00:39:09,233 Kay, ladies, dressing sexy is all about skimplifying. 644 00:39:09,313 --> 00:39:12,593 I want you to show skin in the four major regions. 645 00:39:12,673 --> 00:39:15,833 Arms, legs, belly and cleavage. 646 00:39:15,913 --> 00:39:17,273 Is this how you skimplify? 647 00:39:17,353 --> 00:39:21,033 H, okay. Well, maybe we could let someone who /doesn't have a giant baby 648 00:39:21,113 --> 00:39:22,833 in their belly give it a try. 649 00:39:22,913 --> 00:39:27,473 Kay, this is your most important secret weapon, the water bra. 650 00:39:27,553 --> 00:39:29,633 Just stay away from sharp corners. 651 00:39:29,713 --> 00:39:31,633 This is going too far. 652 00:39:32,113 --> 00:39:33,953 No. No way. No. 653 00:39:34,913 --> 00:39:38,073 Just consider it like another thesis topic, you know? 654 00:39:38,153 --> 00:39:41,553 /"Conventional Archetypes of Beauty and Their Effect on the pposite /Sex." 655 00:39:48,513 --> 00:39:49,753 Are you sure /that's everything? 656 00:39:49,793 --> 00:39:54,513 Because feeling good on the inside is all about looking good on the outside. 657 00:39:59,873 --> 00:40:02,073 Go ahead and keep that one. 658 00:40:02,153 --> 00:40:05,233 There are three rules to successful flirtation. 659 00:40:05,313 --> 00:40:08,713 Eye contact, flattery and lots of touching. 660 00:40:08,793 --> 00:40:12,033 For example, /let's pretend that Natalie here is a man. 661 00:40:12,113 --> 00:40:15,953 /I'm touching his arm, /I'm looking deep into his eyes 662 00:40:16,033 --> 00:40:18,553 and /I'm wearing deodorant. Carrie Mae? 663 00:40:18,633 --> 00:40:19,913 I know. 664 00:40:19,993 --> 00:40:22,473 And I might say something like this. 665 00:40:22,553 --> 00:40:26,593 /"h, my gosh. Your biceps are huge. Kiss /me." 666 00:40:27,193 --> 00:40:30,833 And then he would kiss me. So, any questions? 667 00:40:30,913 --> 00:40:33,273 What do I do with my chew? 668 00:40:33,353 --> 00:40:34,713 How long would the kiss usually be? 669 00:40:34,793 --> 00:40:38,033 And, also, why would he kiss you, because you... 670 00:40:41,793 --> 00:40:45,313 kay, ladies, /today's lesson is makeup. 671 00:40:45,393 --> 00:40:48,113 First, we must highlight your eyes. 672 00:40:48,153 --> 00:40:51,033 The eyes are the nipples of the face. 673 00:41:38,273 --> 00:41:39,713 Whoa. 674 00:41:48,393 --> 00:41:49,473 Wow. 675 00:41:50,153 --> 00:41:52,593 So this is what it feels like to not be invisible. 676 00:41:52,673 --> 00:41:56,313 We /weren't exactly invisible before, just the anti-hot. 677 00:41:57,753 --> 00:41:59,033 Check out Joanne. 678 00:41:59,113 --> 00:42:00,913 I really like what you've done with the Bedazzler. 679 00:42:00,993 --> 00:42:02,913 - Thank you. - /It's nice. 680 00:42:02,993 --> 00:42:04,073 So /what's next, Shelley? 681 00:42:04,153 --> 00:42:07,513 I want all the fraternities to see how hot you guys are. 682 00:42:07,593 --> 00:42:11,393 Kind of like a coming-out party. So we are gonna take some pictures. 683 00:42:11,473 --> 00:42:13,793 H, we are not posing for /Playboy. 684 00:42:13,873 --> 00:42:17,553 No, in a /calendar. "The Girls of /Zeta." 685 00:42:17,633 --> 00:42:19,313 Everyone will see the new you, 686 00:42:19,393 --> 00:42:23,073 and selling the calendars will help us raise money for our phil-an-coppopopy. 687 00:42:23,153 --> 00:42:25,313 Hey, you guys, Lilly just texted me. 688 00:42:25,353 --> 00:42:28,073 She says we look hot and this is fun. 689 00:42:33,793 --> 00:42:37,433 Keep doing that, keep doing that. Make love to the camera. 690 00:42:38,153 --> 00:42:40,713 I saw that in /Austin Powers. 691 00:42:40,793 --> 00:42:45,633 Yeah, work it. Think really sexy witch. 692 00:42:45,673 --> 00:42:49,233 - Are you a good witch or a bad witch? - A good witch. 693 00:42:49,273 --> 00:42:51,313 I think you're a bad witch. 694 00:42:51,393 --> 00:42:55,913 I bet the house that falls on you is gonna be a sexy house. 695 00:42:56,513 --> 00:42:58,913 Work it. Work it. 696 00:42:58,993 --> 00:43:02,753 You're like a supermodel, except more pregnant. Keep going. 697 00:43:21,433 --> 00:43:26,033 Kay, Henry, very glad you finally learned how to use the suggestion box. 698 00:43:26,113 --> 00:43:28,473 And I want to let you know that I got your message, 699 00:43:28,513 --> 00:43:30,633 you want less Boggle and more bingo. 700 00:43:30,713 --> 00:43:32,793 So /I'm gonna work on it, okay? 701 00:43:32,873 --> 00:43:35,793 Whoa. Kay, /what's going on with your heart? 702 00:43:36,473 --> 00:43:38,273 Shelley, you're here. 703 00:43:40,193 --> 00:43:42,033 - Move out of the way, man. - Move it, Junior. 704 00:43:42,113 --> 00:43:43,513 - Sideways. - Sorry, sorry. 705 00:43:44,033 --> 00:43:45,353 - Hi. - Hi. 706 00:43:47,193 --> 00:43:50,713 We brought a donation as part of our philtrophy. 707 00:43:50,793 --> 00:43:53,113 H, great. Thank you. 708 00:43:53,873 --> 00:43:55,273 We're making calendars, 709 00:43:55,313 --> 00:43:57,433 and before we could even get them all out, 710 00:43:57,473 --> 00:44:00,113 the printing-press guys bought up the first batch. 711 00:44:00,193 --> 00:44:02,233 Wow. Great, thank you very much. 712 00:44:02,313 --> 00:44:05,833 This is, "Pay to the rder of Id /People." 713 00:44:07,153 --> 00:44:09,113 Yes, and it /doesn't stop there. 714 00:44:09,153 --> 00:44:13,993 I hope you /don't mind, but I brought a few extra volunteers to help out today. 715 00:44:15,833 --> 00:44:18,393 Henry, Henry, look away. Look away, okay? 716 00:44:18,473 --> 00:44:23,153 Look at the wall. Think of broccoli and bad bingo cards. 717 00:44:23,233 --> 00:44:25,393 You know, actually, your timing is perfect, 718 00:44:25,473 --> 00:44:29,153 because I was about to try and organize a dance class. 719 00:44:29,233 --> 00:44:30,753 Nobody signed up. 720 00:44:30,833 --> 00:44:33,873 And I was at the top of the list not signing up. 721 00:44:33,913 --> 00:44:37,473 There /ain't no way /I'm dancing. You can forget that. 722 00:44:37,553 --> 00:44:39,873 H, I love to dance. 723 00:44:39,953 --> 00:44:41,193 Well, /let's do it. 724 00:44:44,513 --> 00:44:47,433 Kay, ladies, fan out and find a partner. 725 00:44:49,873 --> 00:44:53,513 And maybe we should talk about this music. 726 00:44:55,153 --> 00:44:58,153 Wow, this music is super, super-great, 727 00:44:58,233 --> 00:45:02,553 but we might want to try something a little sexier. 728 00:45:17,833 --> 00:45:19,553 Great job, ladies. 729 00:45:33,513 --> 00:45:36,753 Shelley, I just want to thank you so much for doing this. 730 00:45:36,833 --> 00:45:37,913 /It's just so kind. 731 00:45:37,993 --> 00:45:42,513 H, well, kindness is just love with its work boots on. 732 00:45:43,513 --> 00:45:46,033 Hey, liver, ask the girl to dance. 733 00:45:47,473 --> 00:45:49,393 - /I'd love to. - Really? 734 00:45:51,993 --> 00:45:53,713 Looking good, Jean. 735 00:45:55,193 --> 00:45:59,753 So, listen, Shelley, I was wondering if maybe /you'd like to have dinner sometime. 736 00:45:59,833 --> 00:46:02,233 Really? Yes. Yeah. 737 00:46:02,673 --> 00:46:03,913 Great. 738 00:46:05,113 --> 00:46:07,993 - Bitchsuck! - Sorry. /I'm sorry. 739 00:46:08,073 --> 00:46:09,793 H, /it's all good. 740 00:46:12,673 --> 00:46:14,433 /I'm so glad to be back. 741 00:46:14,513 --> 00:46:18,473 Marvin, tell Shelley we're back and we're gonna be watching a movie. 742 00:46:18,553 --> 00:46:20,153 How about something spooky? No, funny. 743 00:46:20,233 --> 00:46:22,433 No. How about /Scarface? 744 00:46:22,513 --> 00:46:24,753 No, you guys, I think it should be /Shelley's pick tonight. 745 00:46:24,793 --> 00:46:29,513 Mr. Hefner, /Shelley's actually gone. She told me to give you this letter. 746 00:46:38,593 --> 00:46:41,953 Shelley moved to Africa to work with the orphans. 747 00:46:42,033 --> 00:46:43,233 She left while we were gone 748 00:46:43,273 --> 00:46:46,313 because she says she /can't deal with goodbyes. 749 00:46:48,313 --> 00:46:50,993 /I'm going to bed. No movies tonight. 750 00:46:53,913 --> 00:46:55,713 You look nervous. 751 00:46:55,753 --> 00:46:59,153 I /don't like when you look nervous. You will not blow this! 752 00:46:59,233 --> 00:47:00,433 But I just wanna mix drinks. 753 00:47:00,513 --> 00:47:02,753 You know, my whole life, /that's all I've ever wanted to do, 754 00:47:02,793 --> 00:47:04,513 is just blend. 755 00:47:04,593 --> 00:47:07,353 And then you come along with your weird kryptonite death grip, and... 756 00:47:07,433 --> 00:47:09,833 - /That's right, /it's like this. - H, good God! 757 00:47:09,873 --> 00:47:11,433 H, sweet bastard, /that's good. 758 00:47:11,513 --> 00:47:14,873 /That's right, and /I'm the only woman that can make you feel like that. 759 00:47:14,913 --> 00:47:18,433 You will not tell Hef that we wrote that letter to Shelley. 760 00:47:18,513 --> 00:47:19,753 - Just do it again. - Got it? 761 00:47:19,833 --> 00:47:22,713 - Yeah, I got it, I got it, I got it. So I got it. - Good. 762 00:47:33,113 --> 00:47:34,633 Hi. I'll take two calendars. 763 00:47:34,713 --> 00:47:38,353 Wow. /That's so generous. /Everyone's been buying two. 764 00:47:38,433 --> 00:47:41,193 Actually, /it's in case one gets ruined. 765 00:47:42,233 --> 00:47:44,393 Hot dogs, Zeta hot dogs. Who wants one? 766 00:47:44,473 --> 00:47:46,993 You. You. You got one. 767 00:47:51,513 --> 00:47:53,393 Sweet setup here. 768 00:47:54,473 --> 00:47:57,473 We should totally have a mixer with you guys sometime. 769 00:47:57,553 --> 00:47:58,713 Yeah. 770 00:48:03,353 --> 00:48:05,033 We could have one with /Battle... 771 00:48:05,113 --> 00:48:06,593 What? Ne more time. 772 00:48:06,713 --> 00:48:10,193 We could have a /Battlestar Galactica night. With pudding! 773 00:48:10,273 --> 00:48:12,313 Definitely! What? 774 00:48:12,393 --> 00:48:14,233 /Battlestar Galactica. kay. 775 00:48:14,313 --> 00:48:18,433 She said that you guys should get together some night, with pudding. 776 00:48:19,073 --> 00:48:20,233 Whoa. 777 00:48:20,873 --> 00:48:23,073 You betcha. You betcha. 778 00:48:23,153 --> 00:48:27,353 At Phi lota Mu we are very exclusive, because we can be. 779 00:48:27,433 --> 00:48:30,633 Many of our sisters are leaders on campus. 780 00:48:30,713 --> 00:48:35,953 We have a rocking GPA and our very own Korean manicurist. 781 00:48:42,033 --> 00:48:44,193 Hey, where are you guys going? 782 00:48:44,273 --> 00:48:47,233 - Whose booth is that? - /That's Zeta's booth. 783 00:48:47,833 --> 00:48:50,633 /Don't be ridiculous. Why would they have a booth? 784 00:48:50,713 --> 00:48:51,793 And who would go to it? 785 00:48:51,873 --> 00:48:53,953 - Do you want some ketchup? - /That'd be great. 786 00:48:54,033 --> 00:48:56,313 I can totally hose you some right there. Go ahead, lean back. 787 00:48:56,393 --> 00:48:58,233 No, /I'm just... 788 00:49:02,033 --> 00:49:04,313 - Excuse me. - Why, did you fart? 789 00:49:05,233 --> 00:49:07,353 - Did I do what? - Fart. 790 00:49:09,553 --> 00:49:10,953 Where are the Zetas? 791 00:49:11,033 --> 00:49:13,353 We are the Zetas, 2008 edition. 792 00:49:13,433 --> 00:49:15,193 And /I'm in love! 793 00:49:27,913 --> 00:49:29,633 /Why'd you do that? 794 00:49:29,673 --> 00:49:31,793 I needed to hurt someone. 795 00:49:35,113 --> 00:49:38,313 This is so awesome, you guys. That was so much fun! 796 00:49:38,393 --> 00:49:39,993 It was, it was. 797 00:49:40,073 --> 00:49:43,073 Harmony, Brian Stone was all over you, girl. 798 00:49:43,993 --> 00:49:45,233 - And how about Mona? - What? 799 00:49:45,313 --> 00:49:48,193 I got numbers from four boys. It was all for research. 800 00:49:48,233 --> 00:49:49,313 Liar. 801 00:49:49,393 --> 00:49:51,633 - Careful what you research. - But I really had fun. 802 00:49:51,713 --> 00:49:56,793 Well, Natalie, Colby was following you around like a puppy dog. 803 00:49:57,713 --> 00:50:00,433 Do you guys think you'll, you know... 804 00:50:01,753 --> 00:50:02,833 No. 805 00:50:03,953 --> 00:50:07,873 I do not think, you know, that. 806 00:50:08,313 --> 00:50:09,513 /"That"? 807 00:50:11,153 --> 00:50:14,073 Natalie, are you a virgin? 808 00:50:15,273 --> 00:50:16,633 No. 809 00:50:17,473 --> 00:50:19,633 Am I a virgin? No. 810 00:50:20,473 --> 00:50:21,633 You're a virgin! 811 00:50:21,713 --> 00:50:24,953 Shelley! /It's like an amphitheater in here! 812 00:50:25,033 --> 00:50:26,553 /That's it. 813 00:50:26,633 --> 00:50:28,873 H, my gosh. We have to have an Aztec party. 814 00:50:28,953 --> 00:50:30,313 We always wanted to have one at the Mansion, 815 00:50:30,393 --> 00:50:33,513 but we could never find a virgin to sacrifice. 816 00:50:33,593 --> 00:50:36,553 Natalie, it is gonna be the best time ever. 817 00:50:36,633 --> 00:50:41,433 We are gonna have the most rockingest party, and then we'll get our 30 pledges. 818 00:50:55,753 --> 00:50:57,753 Kay, quick trick, watch this. 819 00:50:57,793 --> 00:51:00,913 We are gonna put little trails of Vaseline on the contours of our abs, 820 00:51:00,993 --> 00:51:04,833 mist it a little, and that way the light will catch our tans. 821 00:51:07,473 --> 00:51:10,073 H, she says you're completely ingenious, Shelley. 822 00:51:10,153 --> 00:51:11,873 Thank you, Lilly. 823 00:51:11,953 --> 00:51:13,433 /That's the same as vapid, right? 824 00:51:13,513 --> 00:51:15,833 H, /it's better than vapid. 825 00:51:15,913 --> 00:51:19,073 - Is that Juicy? - Yeah, I love their stuff. 826 00:51:19,153 --> 00:51:22,513 /It's a shame /nobody'd be able to see it, you know, under my brace. 827 00:51:22,553 --> 00:51:24,753 Well, when can you take the brace off? 828 00:51:24,833 --> 00:51:27,473 2004, actually. 829 00:51:28,753 --> 00:51:30,633 Well, /it's a good thing I asked. 830 00:51:30,713 --> 00:51:36,113 No, /I'm so fine. I mean, you know, /it's all indented into me 831 00:51:36,193 --> 00:51:39,193 and, you know, if I took it off, I /wouldn't even know what would possibly happen, 832 00:51:39,273 --> 00:51:41,833 and my spine could be like a noodle. And... 833 00:51:41,913 --> 00:51:44,353 /I'm really good. /I'm good. Thanks. 834 00:51:46,393 --> 00:51:47,873 Come with me. 835 00:51:48,553 --> 00:51:51,273 Joanne, when I was little, I wore a Scooby-Doo mask to school 836 00:51:51,313 --> 00:51:53,713 for a whole month because I thought I was ugly. 837 00:51:53,793 --> 00:51:55,033 - Thanks, guys. - You're welcome. 838 00:51:55,113 --> 00:51:57,353 And then one day a boy, Howard Rubenstock, 839 00:51:57,393 --> 00:51:59,913 snuck up behind me and tore it off my face. 840 00:51:59,993 --> 00:52:02,953 - Do you know what I realized? - That you were pretty? 841 00:52:03,033 --> 00:52:05,713 No, that I was wearing it upside down. 842 00:52:06,313 --> 00:52:08,593 /I'm not really sure what you're trying to tell me, Shelley. 843 00:52:08,673 --> 00:52:13,073 /I'm not either. But the point is, you're a butterfly now, not an earthworm. 844 00:52:13,153 --> 00:52:15,193 You /don't need to hide anymore. 845 00:52:15,273 --> 00:52:17,793 So, okay, here he comes. 846 00:52:17,873 --> 00:52:20,713 He runs past here every day, and I've seen you staring at him. 847 00:52:20,793 --> 00:52:22,753 I can tell that you like him and that you want to talk to him. 848 00:52:22,833 --> 00:52:25,433 /Today's the day. Go invite him to our party. 849 00:52:25,513 --> 00:52:26,953 Go. Go. 850 00:52:31,993 --> 00:52:33,793 Run, Joanne, run! 851 00:53:01,193 --> 00:53:02,313 Hi, Steve. 852 00:53:02,393 --> 00:53:05,473 H, hey, Joanne. How are you? I /didn't know you ran. 853 00:53:05,553 --> 00:53:07,713 Sure, I mean, I do now. 854 00:53:07,793 --> 00:53:09,153 /Where's your brace? 855 00:53:09,193 --> 00:53:11,073 - /It's gone. - Really? 856 00:53:17,233 --> 00:53:18,793 Well. 857 00:53:18,873 --> 00:53:21,033 You're pretty pleased with yourself, /aren't you? 858 00:53:21,113 --> 00:53:24,713 H, you scared me. My /heart's pounding like a nail. 859 00:53:26,353 --> 00:53:28,753 I guess I am a little proud. 860 00:53:28,833 --> 00:53:31,193 Well, /don't get too used to that feeling. 861 00:53:31,273 --> 00:53:34,353 Because /there's no way that /I'm going to let a whorey little tart like you 862 00:53:34,433 --> 00:53:37,113 stand in the way of the Phi lota Mu. 863 00:53:37,793 --> 00:53:39,833 /Don't mess with me. 864 00:53:39,913 --> 00:53:42,193 /Don't mess with Phi lota Mu. 865 00:53:47,073 --> 00:53:51,953 Man! Someone needs a mani-pedi massage combo, pronto. 866 00:53:52,033 --> 00:53:53,113 - Shelley! - H, my... 867 00:53:53,193 --> 00:53:55,553 Steve said /he's gonna come to the Aztec party. 868 00:53:55,633 --> 00:53:57,153 Steve, /he's gonna come. 869 00:53:57,233 --> 00:53:59,873 Yay! This is gonna be so much fun! 870 00:54:16,993 --> 00:54:20,433 - H, my God! H, my God! H, my God! - God! H, my God! 871 00:54:20,513 --> 00:54:22,713 - Yes! - Hey, you guys! Look. 872 00:54:23,313 --> 00:54:24,673 H, Joanne. 873 00:54:25,513 --> 00:54:28,473 I can bend! You guys, I did it, I can bend! 874 00:54:32,113 --> 00:54:34,873 /"Do you find yourself more attracted to me when /I'm like this, 875 00:54:34,913 --> 00:54:36,593 /"or like this?" 876 00:54:37,673 --> 00:54:39,553 - The second one. - Great. 877 00:54:40,113 --> 00:54:42,353 So, "Because you like my boobs, 878 00:54:42,433 --> 00:54:45,673 /"would you stand there and let me go like this 879 00:54:46,593 --> 00:54:49,753 /"for five minutes, just in the hope that we might hook /up?" 880 00:54:49,793 --> 00:54:52,153 Yes. Yes, I would. 881 00:54:55,473 --> 00:54:58,593 Guys! Anybody want some chips? 882 00:54:59,433 --> 00:55:01,033 Yeah, have chips while you party. 883 00:55:01,113 --> 00:55:04,033 Badass party. Badass. 884 00:55:04,113 --> 00:55:08,513 So, Miss December, you got your bikini on under there? Huh? 885 00:55:08,593 --> 00:55:11,393 No, actually, just my fake water... 886 00:55:11,473 --> 00:55:13,113 Natalie, there you are. 887 00:55:13,153 --> 00:55:17,113 H, Bobby and Zach from Kappa are just dying to meet you. 888 00:55:17,193 --> 00:55:20,673 /I'm sorry, Colby, but Natalie is a very hot commodity. 889 00:55:22,113 --> 00:55:23,753 - Excuse us. - Wait. 890 00:55:24,353 --> 00:55:25,633 Wait a second. 891 00:55:25,713 --> 00:55:27,473 - Are we leaving? - Yes. 892 00:55:27,553 --> 00:55:28,633 Why? 893 00:55:28,713 --> 00:55:31,193 I have, like, the /world's hugest crush on him. 894 00:55:31,233 --> 00:55:32,233 So I /don't really... 895 00:55:32,313 --> 00:55:35,073 I know. Then we need to let him see how in demand you are. 896 00:55:35,153 --> 00:55:38,033 Always remember, boys want what other boys want. 897 00:55:38,113 --> 00:55:39,393 Right. 898 00:55:41,913 --> 00:55:43,473 Are you Lilly? 899 00:55:44,953 --> 00:55:47,313 /That's a cute costume, Lil. 900 00:55:47,353 --> 00:55:49,713 I was gonna ask you this, because I've been seeing these all over. 901 00:55:49,753 --> 00:55:51,593 I mean, this is an Aztec party, 902 00:55:51,673 --> 00:55:54,793 you know, so those statues /don't really fit, because those are from Easter Island, 903 00:55:54,873 --> 00:55:57,793 which is like 2000 miles away, as you probably know, in Polynesia. 904 00:55:57,873 --> 00:56:02,153 Wait, Natalie. You're too smart. Boys /don't like girls that are too smart. 905 00:56:02,233 --> 00:56:03,393 Right. 906 00:56:03,473 --> 00:56:06,793 Right. God, I hope Colby /didn't hear me say that. 907 00:56:07,673 --> 00:56:10,313 Shelley, you really know all the tricks. 908 00:56:10,393 --> 00:56:11,993 How do you do it, you know? 909 00:56:12,073 --> 00:56:14,673 I mean, with Colby here and with liver asking you out, 910 00:56:14,713 --> 00:56:18,113 /it's like we might both lose our virginity this year. 911 00:56:19,353 --> 00:56:20,673 Yeah. 912 00:56:25,513 --> 00:56:29,033 /It's supposed to be a mixer. /There's no one here to mix. 913 00:56:29,793 --> 00:56:32,753 They're over there, /aren't they? The Kappas. 914 00:56:32,833 --> 00:56:35,473 Well, they're definitely not here. 915 00:56:35,553 --> 00:56:38,233 I know that, dipswitch. I can see that. 916 00:56:41,673 --> 00:56:44,633 /And now, let the sacrificial rites begin! 917 00:56:47,993 --> 00:56:52,793 /It's time for this virgin /to get sacrificed in the boiling Jell-O lava! 918 00:56:53,593 --> 00:56:56,313 - Sacrifice! Sacrifice! - Sacrifice! Sacrifice! 919 00:56:56,393 --> 00:56:58,513 - Sacrifice! Sacrifice! - Sacrifice! Sacrifice! 920 00:56:58,593 --> 00:57:03,513 /This is Aztec Night, the first of many /awesome Zeta parties to come. 921 00:57:03,593 --> 00:57:05,553 /And for those of you girls /going through rush, 922 00:57:05,633 --> 00:57:08,753 /remember to make Zeta /your number-one choice! 923 00:57:13,313 --> 00:57:15,313 The time is now. 924 00:57:46,993 --> 00:57:48,273 Yeah. 925 00:57:49,873 --> 00:57:52,913 I've never seen anybody get sacrificed before. 926 00:57:53,793 --> 00:57:55,553 That was so hot. 927 00:57:55,633 --> 00:57:58,793 I mean, I /don't know anything about Aztecs, you know? R their culture. 928 00:57:58,873 --> 00:58:01,913 But, I mean, I do know that I had fun. 929 00:58:01,993 --> 00:58:06,193 Yeah. I /don't know anything about them either, so /that's awesome. 930 00:58:13,713 --> 00:58:16,273 What have the Zetas become? 931 00:58:16,353 --> 00:58:18,153 H, my God. 932 00:58:18,233 --> 00:58:19,433 Popular. 933 00:58:39,473 --> 00:58:41,153 Remember, be sexy. 934 00:58:41,193 --> 00:58:43,993 - /He's gonna love your shoes. - Deep breath, take a deep breath. 935 00:58:44,033 --> 00:58:46,993 Kay, okay, /he's here. Kay. 936 00:58:51,513 --> 00:58:53,073 - Hello. - Hello. 937 00:58:53,153 --> 00:58:54,953 Wow, you look great. 938 00:58:55,633 --> 00:58:57,553 - Thank you. - You ready? 939 00:59:03,273 --> 00:59:06,233 H, my gosh. H, my gosh. H, my God. H, my God. 940 00:59:06,313 --> 00:59:09,833 - Would you mind if we walked? - H, yes, I like to walk. 941 00:59:11,633 --> 00:59:14,153 And /that's not the only thing I like. 942 00:59:14,233 --> 00:59:17,593 No? You have a wide range of interests? 943 00:59:18,033 --> 00:59:21,793 H, yes. A big range. 944 00:59:24,193 --> 00:59:26,513 H, wait here for a second. 945 00:59:26,593 --> 00:59:29,633 I think I dropped some money over here the other day. 946 00:59:29,673 --> 00:59:32,273 I just /don't know wherever could it be. 947 00:59:32,353 --> 00:59:35,193 Maybe /it's over here by this manhole. 948 00:59:38,193 --> 00:59:40,153 /That's fucking hot! 949 00:59:41,953 --> 00:59:46,353 I just went over there to look for my money 950 00:59:46,393 --> 00:59:49,233 which I had dropped the other day. 951 00:59:49,313 --> 00:59:53,033 I think it was a dollar coin, because I heard a clanging. 952 00:59:53,793 --> 00:59:56,433 But anyway, wow. 953 00:59:57,353 --> 00:59:59,393 Who knew steam can be hot? 954 00:59:59,833 --> 01:00:01,393 Yeah, that's... 955 01:00:01,473 --> 01:00:03,953 I wonder what they did when Marilyn Monroe did it. 956 01:00:04,033 --> 01:00:09,033 They probably added soothing botanicals to the steam rising from the manhole. 957 01:00:09,113 --> 01:00:10,753 I like that word. 958 01:00:10,833 --> 01:00:12,313 /"Manhole." 959 01:00:13,953 --> 01:00:16,433 All right. What can I get you guys? 960 01:00:18,313 --> 01:00:22,713 Instead of the mahi-mahi, may I just get the one mahi, 961 01:00:22,793 --> 01:00:25,033 because /I'm not that hungry? 962 01:00:25,793 --> 01:00:27,113 I'll ask. 963 01:00:29,073 --> 01:00:32,753 The chicken piccata for me. Yeah, /that'd be fine. 964 01:00:32,833 --> 01:00:34,433 - Thank you. - Thanks. 965 01:00:34,513 --> 01:00:37,553 /"Piccata." That's another word I like. 966 01:00:38,553 --> 01:00:39,713 Piccata. 967 01:00:39,793 --> 01:00:44,073 - Yeah, it just rolls off the tongue, /doesn't it? - Sounds like "Hotta." 968 01:00:44,113 --> 01:00:45,273 Yeah. 969 01:00:45,633 --> 01:00:47,993 R "the Spanish /Armada." 970 01:00:49,553 --> 01:00:51,673 - I like to rhyme. - Yeah? 971 01:00:53,553 --> 01:00:57,393 ...and StairMaster to tone the buttock area. 972 01:00:58,153 --> 01:01:01,393 /I'd show you, but who really wants to see my butt? 973 01:01:03,753 --> 01:01:07,913 I mean, /it's just a silly old butt with no tan lines. 974 01:01:09,593 --> 01:01:11,033 Yep. 975 01:01:11,073 --> 01:01:15,673 Wow, this was really good food. I hope it /doesn't go straight to my butt. 976 01:01:16,713 --> 01:01:20,993 I mean, I think my butt would still be a pretty good one, though. 977 01:01:21,913 --> 01:01:23,913 Yep. My ass. 978 01:01:25,113 --> 01:01:26,753 H, well, this has been fun, 979 01:01:26,793 --> 01:01:31,273 but we should probably wrap it up, because I've got another date at 11. 980 01:01:31,913 --> 01:01:32,953 Are you serious? 981 01:01:33,033 --> 01:01:36,193 Well, /what's a girl in demand going to do? 982 01:01:39,073 --> 01:01:40,313 Wow. Kay. 983 01:01:40,393 --> 01:01:43,233 Yeah, well, /dinner's on me. 984 01:01:43,273 --> 01:01:47,713 /I'm gonna get going. I /wouldn't want you to keep the other guy waiting. 985 01:01:49,313 --> 01:01:50,553 Wait! 986 01:01:50,633 --> 01:01:53,113 Your biceps are huge! Kiss me. 987 01:01:59,073 --> 01:02:00,073 H, my God. 988 01:02:04,953 --> 01:02:06,073 Yeah, right. 989 01:02:06,153 --> 01:02:07,953 /Shelley's back. 990 01:02:08,033 --> 01:02:10,593 - /How'd it go? - /How'd it go, Shelley? 991 01:02:11,873 --> 01:02:13,153 Not good. 992 01:02:13,233 --> 01:02:15,033 - What? - Why? 993 01:02:15,113 --> 01:02:17,073 I /don't think he likes me. 994 01:02:17,153 --> 01:02:19,793 He /didn't fall for any of my tricks. 995 01:02:20,593 --> 01:02:23,113 /That's impossible, your tricks always work. 996 01:02:23,193 --> 01:02:27,673 I did sexy, I did "other guys want /me." 997 01:02:27,753 --> 01:02:30,713 You know, I worked every angle in the book. 998 01:02:30,753 --> 01:02:33,393 But I /don't know, he just stared. 999 01:02:34,233 --> 01:02:36,753 What if liver is one of those guys 1000 01:02:36,833 --> 01:02:39,993 who wants to have, like, a conversation with a girl before he hooks up with her? 1001 01:02:40,073 --> 01:02:41,393 /He's gay? 1002 01:02:42,073 --> 01:02:43,793 No, /he's not gay. 1003 01:02:45,073 --> 01:02:47,513 H, I /don't know. 1004 01:02:50,633 --> 01:02:54,393 /I'm just saying, you know, maybe he wants to talk first. 1005 01:02:54,473 --> 01:02:57,473 What if liver /doesn't mind a smart girl? 1006 01:02:58,633 --> 01:03:00,193 - I know. - Wait. 1007 01:03:01,353 --> 01:03:05,113 So I have to learn things about things and stuff? 1008 01:03:05,993 --> 01:03:07,553 About topics? 1009 01:03:09,513 --> 01:03:11,793 - Can I even do that? - Yeah. You can do that. 1010 01:03:11,833 --> 01:03:14,033 You can do anything you set your mind to, Shelley. 1011 01:04:32,113 --> 01:04:34,873 But you /can't even tell I have boobs. 1012 01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:37,313 Well, /don't you think I should show him a little something? 1013 01:04:37,393 --> 01:04:39,753 Give him a little philanthropy? 1014 01:04:39,833 --> 01:04:42,833 Shelley, good job. You used "philanthropy." That was fun. 1015 01:04:42,913 --> 01:04:45,793 You know what? You're still too sexy. 1016 01:04:45,873 --> 01:04:47,833 Nat, what if she wears your glasses? 1017 01:04:47,913 --> 01:04:50,233 Good idea. Kay, here. 1018 01:04:50,753 --> 01:04:52,273 Try these. 1019 01:04:54,433 --> 01:04:57,953 H, my God. Natalie, you should really go to an eye doctor. 1020 01:04:58,033 --> 01:05:00,833 /That's actually how I got those glasses. 1021 01:05:00,873 --> 01:05:02,633 So have you called liver yet? 1022 01:05:02,713 --> 01:05:05,953 Yes. He /didn't seem too excited to be going out on a second date, 1023 01:05:06,033 --> 01:05:09,073 but he said yes, so here goes. 1024 01:05:09,153 --> 01:05:12,593 All right. Now remember, just be yourself, only different. 1025 01:05:12,673 --> 01:05:14,993 - /Don't use the word "elucidate." - Pretty much entirely different. 1026 01:05:15,073 --> 01:05:16,873 - You know what /I'm talking about? - Tone down the sexuality. 1027 01:05:16,953 --> 01:05:19,753 Talk about politics and religion. /That's always a really good first-date topic. 1028 01:05:19,793 --> 01:05:22,233 - /Don't stare at him too much. - /Don't brush your teeth. 1029 01:05:22,313 --> 01:05:23,633 - Bye, Shell. - Bye. 1030 01:05:23,713 --> 01:05:27,153 - /Don't forget to call, Shelley. - Say you're nauseous. 1031 01:05:28,113 --> 01:05:32,433 A nuclear nonproliferation treaty should ease tension in Asia. 1032 01:05:32,473 --> 01:05:34,913 Well, /that's my thought. 1033 01:05:34,993 --> 01:05:37,433 - Are you okay? With your... - h, yes. 1034 01:05:37,473 --> 01:05:40,633 These glasses /don't make me dizzy or anything. 1035 01:05:41,353 --> 01:05:43,273 Elucidate on that. 1036 01:05:44,913 --> 01:05:48,753 Well, you seem to know a lot about North Korea and the Middle East. 1037 01:05:48,793 --> 01:05:50,673 It sounds like you really read the paper. 1038 01:05:50,753 --> 01:05:54,993 H, all the time. I am just nuts about the paper. 1039 01:05:55,073 --> 01:05:59,113 So, have you given any thought to who you might be voting for? 1040 01:05:59,193 --> 01:06:00,953 /I'm not sure yet. 1041 01:06:01,913 --> 01:06:05,753 I definitely /won't listen to what Simon says. 1042 01:06:05,833 --> 01:06:07,633 He is just so mean. 1043 01:06:07,673 --> 01:06:10,833 I usually always agree with Paula and Randy. 1044 01:06:13,233 --> 01:06:16,753 H, you meant the President of the United States. 1045 01:06:18,033 --> 01:06:20,313 The United States of America. 1046 01:06:20,953 --> 01:06:23,193 U.S.A. For short. 1047 01:06:23,273 --> 01:06:27,673 Fifty states, if you include Hawaii. Most people do. /I'm definitely pro-Hawaii. 1048 01:06:27,753 --> 01:06:29,433 - Excuse me. - H, thank God. 1049 01:06:29,513 --> 01:06:31,193 Can I get you anything else? 1050 01:06:31,273 --> 01:06:33,273 No, I think we're good, thanks. 1051 01:06:33,353 --> 01:06:37,033 Hey, I know where I know you from. 1052 01:06:37,113 --> 01:06:40,233 You were in /Playboy. /"Girls with GEDs," right? 1053 01:06:41,393 --> 01:06:42,873 H, heck, no! 1054 01:06:43,873 --> 01:06:44,913 No! 1055 01:06:44,993 --> 01:06:47,953 Those girls are all boobs and no brains. 1056 01:06:48,033 --> 01:06:52,673 /I'm too busy in a library, reading books with dust on them. 1057 01:06:52,753 --> 01:06:53,833 How... 1058 01:06:53,913 --> 01:06:56,113 Sorry. My mistake, then. Sorry. 1059 01:06:56,153 --> 01:06:57,353 No. 1060 01:06:57,753 --> 01:07:01,353 /Playboy. God. Can you believe it? 1061 01:07:02,353 --> 01:07:05,393 /I'm still hungry, even though we just ate. 1062 01:07:05,473 --> 01:07:08,433 H, my gosh, I /can't believe I did that. 1063 01:07:09,673 --> 01:07:13,393 - Sorry, let me take care of that. - /It's okay. /It's okay. 1064 01:07:13,473 --> 01:07:15,233 Are those index cards? 1065 01:07:15,313 --> 01:07:18,153 No. Index... They're napkins. 1066 01:07:18,233 --> 01:07:21,273 They're not index cards with writing on them. 1067 01:07:22,113 --> 01:07:24,633 Let me get some more napkins. 1068 01:07:24,713 --> 01:07:27,193 /That's okay, really. I think... 1069 01:07:32,473 --> 01:07:33,953 Sweet balls! 1070 01:07:36,553 --> 01:07:38,193 I /can't believe that happened. 1071 01:07:38,273 --> 01:07:41,593 /I'm sorry about all the gravity. 1072 01:07:41,673 --> 01:07:43,393 Are you all right? 1073 01:07:51,233 --> 01:07:54,273 /I'm sorry, liver. 1074 01:07:54,713 --> 01:07:56,073 /I'm sorry. 1075 01:07:56,793 --> 01:07:58,553 I need to go. 1076 01:08:15,633 --> 01:08:18,113 Come on, Puffin, you've been in here for days. 1077 01:08:18,193 --> 01:08:21,393 /Let's watch a movie, it'll make you feel better. 1078 01:08:21,993 --> 01:08:23,713 I /don't get it. 1079 01:08:23,793 --> 01:08:26,273 Why would Shelley just leave? 1080 01:08:26,313 --> 01:08:28,673 /It's for the best. She /wasn't happy. 1081 01:08:28,713 --> 01:08:32,153 I used to hear her crying in her room late at night. 1082 01:08:33,113 --> 01:08:35,953 I think /I'd like to be alone for a bit. 1083 01:08:40,193 --> 01:08:42,153 I could stay with you. 1084 01:08:42,673 --> 01:08:45,153 No, just bring me more ice cream. 1085 01:08:46,233 --> 01:08:47,993 Egg! Paprika! 1086 01:08:49,153 --> 01:08:52,273 Nutmeg! Who cares? Who cares? 1087 01:08:53,193 --> 01:08:55,713 What have I done to poor Shelley? 1088 01:08:58,113 --> 01:08:59,713 You're not gonna tell him, are you? 1089 01:08:59,793 --> 01:09:01,633 No. You can't. 1090 01:09:01,713 --> 01:09:05,673 /I'm gonna be the next Miss November, not that little blonde bitch. 1091 01:09:05,753 --> 01:09:09,793 You found my weakness, used it against me like kryptonite, 1092 01:09:09,873 --> 01:09:12,473 but /that's never gonna happen again. 1093 01:09:13,433 --> 01:09:15,273 /"h, Mr. Hefner..." 1094 01:09:16,913 --> 01:09:19,713 Guys, remember, we only need 30, okay? 1095 01:09:21,113 --> 01:09:22,593 First up, 1096 01:09:23,193 --> 01:09:24,393 Kristen Withers. 1097 01:09:24,433 --> 01:09:26,553 Pre-med, family in Greenwich. 1098 01:09:26,633 --> 01:09:28,073 - Yeah, so cute. - I like. 1099 01:09:28,153 --> 01:09:29,753 Cute, cute. Totally. 1100 01:09:29,833 --> 01:09:30,873 - No doubt. - Very cute. 1101 01:09:30,953 --> 01:09:32,473 - In. - Guys... 1102 01:09:32,553 --> 01:09:35,433 We just made our first pledge acceptance. 1103 01:09:38,353 --> 01:09:41,393 Kay, cool. All right. Next up, Jill Palmer. 1104 01:09:41,473 --> 01:09:45,793 Colorado, theater major... Her father owns, like, half of Aspen. 1105 01:09:45,873 --> 01:09:47,153 - Yes. - Yeah! 1106 01:09:55,313 --> 01:09:57,713 Why am I such a yummy dummy? 1107 01:09:57,793 --> 01:09:59,153 Next one. 1108 01:10:00,873 --> 01:10:04,713 Nancy Nagle. English major from Florida. 1109 01:10:05,553 --> 01:10:06,713 But she does drive a Porsche. 1110 01:10:06,793 --> 01:10:10,113 I just /don't know about this one. I kind of feel like we've created this image. 1111 01:10:10,153 --> 01:10:12,073 I just /don't feel like /she's gonna fit in. 1112 01:10:18,593 --> 01:10:21,993 /I'm just saying, she should have spent the Porsche money on a nose job. 1113 01:10:22,033 --> 01:10:24,553 She said she broke it in a skiing accident last year, and /I'm like, 1114 01:10:24,633 --> 01:10:28,273 /"kay, I'm sure the nose surgeon would take the Porsche as a /trade-in." 1115 01:10:28,353 --> 01:10:29,873 Booya! Snap! 1116 01:10:35,873 --> 01:10:36,913 Hello? 1117 01:10:36,993 --> 01:10:38,873 /Hey, Shelley, it's me. 1118 01:10:38,953 --> 01:10:40,873 - Hef? /- Yeah. 1119 01:10:40,913 --> 01:10:44,073 Hef? H, is this you? H, my gosh. 1120 01:10:44,113 --> 01:10:46,993 How are you? Like, I /can't believe you're calling me. 1121 01:10:47,073 --> 01:10:50,233 How is everybody at the Mansion? How are things? 1122 01:10:50,313 --> 01:10:53,713 /Good news. I'm gonna make you /next month's centerfold. 1123 01:10:53,793 --> 01:10:55,553 You're making me Miss November? 1124 01:10:55,633 --> 01:10:57,793 /- That's right. - H, my gosh. 1125 01:10:57,873 --> 01:11:00,593 Are you totally serious, or is this not Hef? 1126 01:11:00,633 --> 01:11:03,353 If this is Hef, blink once. If it /isn't Hef, blink twice. 1127 01:11:03,433 --> 01:11:04,913 Did you blink? 1128 01:11:06,033 --> 01:11:08,913 /I'm so glad you /haven't changed, Shelley. 1129 01:11:08,993 --> 01:11:11,153 And I want you to move back to the Mansion. 1130 01:11:11,233 --> 01:11:13,993 /It's just not the same without you here. 1131 01:11:14,913 --> 01:11:17,473 Hef, I just /can't believe it. 1132 01:11:17,553 --> 01:11:18,633 /Believe it, baby. 1133 01:11:18,713 --> 01:11:20,593 /Okay, here's what happens. 1134 01:11:20,673 --> 01:11:24,113 /We shoot the pictorial, we'll have you do /a 25-city tour of the United States. 1135 01:11:24,153 --> 01:11:26,353 /And then from there /we're gonna travel Europe, 1136 01:11:26,433 --> 01:11:28,313 /ending with a one-week stay in Monaco. 1137 01:11:28,393 --> 01:11:29,953 /We're gonna coordinate your pictorial 1138 01:11:29,993 --> 01:11:33,073 /with a Playboy Channel documentary /on the life of a centerfold. 1139 01:11:33,153 --> 01:11:35,993 /The exposure's going to be wonderful, /but it doesn't stop there. 1140 01:11:36,033 --> 01:11:38,433 /We're going to pull out all the stops /for this one, Shelley. 1141 01:11:38,513 --> 01:11:39,953 /It's going to be huge. 1142 01:11:40,033 --> 01:11:41,473 Hef? 1143 01:11:41,513 --> 01:11:42,993 /Yeah, baby? 1144 01:11:44,673 --> 01:11:46,953 Hef, /I'm so sorry. 1145 01:11:47,033 --> 01:11:49,513 /I'm so happy that you called me. 1146 01:11:50,553 --> 01:11:52,633 And I love you, but I /don't think I can do it. 1147 01:11:52,713 --> 01:11:54,753 /I can't leave my Zeta girls. 1148 01:11:54,833 --> 01:11:56,113 What? 1149 01:11:56,873 --> 01:11:58,833 /I'm not going anywhere. 1150 01:12:00,913 --> 01:12:02,313 /I'm home. 1151 01:12:06,153 --> 01:12:08,393 Katootoo Jihiman. 1152 01:12:09,153 --> 01:12:12,153 Sociology major from India. Everyone? 1153 01:12:12,233 --> 01:12:14,433 I remember this one. She seems kind of weird. 1154 01:12:14,513 --> 01:12:15,633 I actually got that, too. 1155 01:12:15,713 --> 01:12:18,433 Not like an /"I live in the wall and eat /crickets" kind of weird, 1156 01:12:18,513 --> 01:12:19,993 but just like a little off. 1157 01:12:20,073 --> 01:12:22,473 - Boo to Katootoo. - Next. 1158 01:12:23,713 --> 01:12:26,273 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! 1159 01:12:27,193 --> 01:12:28,233 Lilly? 1160 01:12:28,313 --> 01:12:30,073 Look at you people! 1161 01:12:30,153 --> 01:12:32,993 Honestly, is this really what you've become? 1162 01:12:33,073 --> 01:12:36,633 Judging other girls on their appearance? Calling them weird? 1163 01:12:36,713 --> 01:12:39,233 /I'm sure glad I joined when I did, because honestly, 1164 01:12:39,313 --> 01:12:41,393 I /don't think I would make the cut these days. 1165 01:12:41,473 --> 01:12:43,433 And neither would a lot of you. 1166 01:12:43,513 --> 01:12:47,473 I /can't believe that /Zeta's become just like Phi lota Mu. 1167 01:12:47,553 --> 01:12:49,793 A bunch of snooty bitches! 1168 01:12:51,433 --> 01:12:53,113 Lilly, you talked. 1169 01:12:53,713 --> 01:12:55,433 And you're British? 1170 01:13:09,593 --> 01:13:11,713 Hi, everybody. /I'm home. 1171 01:13:13,153 --> 01:13:14,833 This is all your fault. 1172 01:13:14,913 --> 01:13:16,953 Yeah. You know what, Mona? You're right. 1173 01:13:17,033 --> 01:13:20,313 It all started with this fake hair and your stupid water bras. 1174 01:13:20,393 --> 01:13:22,873 You know what? Before you got here, we were individuals. 1175 01:13:22,953 --> 01:13:25,073 You've turned us all into stupid bimbos. 1176 01:13:25,153 --> 01:13:27,113 - We were fine the way we were. - We look ridiculous. 1177 01:13:27,193 --> 01:13:29,233 - /I'm getting Cs in all my classes. - Why am I looking like this? 1178 01:13:29,313 --> 01:13:31,513 - This /isn't who I am. - I /can't believe you let me do this to myself. 1179 01:13:31,593 --> 01:13:34,073 Guys, stop. Come on, stop, stop. 1180 01:13:34,153 --> 01:13:35,233 Guys. 1181 01:13:38,353 --> 01:13:40,633 I understand, and /I'm sorry. 1182 01:13:42,433 --> 01:13:43,993 So I... 1183 01:13:45,113 --> 01:13:47,113 Thank you guys for everything. 1184 01:13:47,193 --> 01:13:51,153 /I'm gonna go, and I really hope to see you guys in the future. 1185 01:13:52,553 --> 01:13:53,833 Shelley. 1186 01:14:04,353 --> 01:14:06,113 Hi, Hef, /it's Shelley. 1187 01:14:06,153 --> 01:14:08,433 I was just kidding, silly. 1188 01:14:08,513 --> 01:14:12,233 I /can't wait to be back at the Mansion and be a centerfold. 1189 01:14:12,793 --> 01:14:15,393 This is the happiest day of my life. 1190 01:14:16,873 --> 01:14:18,113 /Dear Oliver, 1191 01:14:18,193 --> 01:14:20,833 /I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you /this in person. 1192 01:14:20,913 --> 01:14:24,233 /It was way too embarrassing /to face you after everything. 1193 01:14:24,273 --> 01:14:27,913 /I am leaving the Zeta house /to fulfill my lifelong dream. 1194 01:14:28,633 --> 01:14:33,473 /And I know that what I've decided to do /won't make any sense to you at all, 1195 01:14:33,553 --> 01:14:35,353 /but I have joined the Peace Corps, 1196 01:14:35,433 --> 01:14:39,633 /and I'm going off to work in the mountains /of a country called Peru. 1197 01:14:41,073 --> 01:14:43,793 /I'm going to meet lots of interesting people. 1198 01:14:43,873 --> 01:14:46,193 /I'm sure it'll be very hot where I'm going. 1199 01:14:46,273 --> 01:14:47,953 /And even though it's going to be super-hot, 1200 01:14:47,993 --> 01:14:51,953 /I will be bundled up in clothes, /barely showing any flesh. 1201 01:14:52,033 --> 01:14:54,113 /I only tell you that because /I don't want you to worry 1202 01:14:54,193 --> 01:14:56,313 /about me getting sunburned. 1203 01:14:57,913 --> 01:15:01,633 Hef told me what you did, and I /don't think it was very sisterly of you. 1204 01:15:01,673 --> 01:15:03,593 You are so vapid. 1205 01:15:04,673 --> 01:15:09,273 Actually, /I'm ingenious and philanthropic, and you're a backstabbing bitch. 1206 01:15:10,873 --> 01:15:13,353 - Nice, Shelley. That was awesome. - Shelley! 1207 01:15:13,433 --> 01:15:16,553 /I hope everybody at the old folks' home /is doing great. 1208 01:15:16,633 --> 01:15:19,993 /And as for the Zeta girls, /I'm sure they're doing fine. 1209 01:15:20,073 --> 01:15:24,033 /Oliver, I hope you think of me /every once in a while, and when you do, 1210 01:15:24,113 --> 01:15:26,033 /I hope they are good thoughts. 1211 01:15:26,113 --> 01:15:27,153 Pooter! 1212 01:15:27,233 --> 01:15:28,913 /Love, Shelley. 1213 01:15:30,073 --> 01:15:31,793 There you are. 1214 01:15:33,753 --> 01:15:37,433 So we'll be half Shelley and half who we really are. 1215 01:15:38,353 --> 01:15:40,433 Can we be 60% Shelley? 1216 01:15:40,513 --> 01:15:43,673 I mean, say what you want about her, but the girl had style. 1217 01:15:43,753 --> 01:15:46,553 - What? - "She had /style"? 1218 01:15:46,953 --> 01:15:50,473 She still does. I mean, she just wants to be back at the Playboy Mansion. 1219 01:15:50,553 --> 01:15:52,953 Well, whatever we're gonna be, we need to figure out, you guys. 1220 01:15:53,033 --> 01:15:57,953 We still need 30 pledges by ctober 15th, or we can just kiss it all goodbye. 1221 01:15:57,993 --> 01:16:00,993 Who wants to be a part of something real? Zeta. 1222 01:16:01,073 --> 01:16:03,193 Hi. Zeta. Tell 29 of your friends. 1223 01:16:03,273 --> 01:16:07,473 Listen up, ladies! Zeta was founded on the tenets of sisterhood, 1224 01:16:07,553 --> 01:16:09,393 friendship and philanthropy. 1225 01:16:09,473 --> 01:16:10,553 Here you go. 1226 01:16:10,633 --> 01:16:13,873 Yeah, and since then, we've added some pretty kick-ass parties to the list. 1227 01:16:13,913 --> 01:16:15,793 Yeah, but instead of judging and rejecting, 1228 01:16:15,873 --> 01:16:18,873 we'll put all the pledges we get into a bowl, and we'll draw 30 names out. 1229 01:16:18,953 --> 01:16:21,473 Natalie? /What'd you do to your hair? 1230 01:16:21,553 --> 01:16:23,953 - I could change it back. - Why? 1231 01:16:24,033 --> 01:16:25,553 Everyone gets haircuts. 1232 01:16:25,633 --> 01:16:28,153 People have lots of different styles all over the world. 1233 01:16:28,233 --> 01:16:32,273 In China, they usually tend to layer it, I've noticed. 1234 01:16:32,353 --> 01:16:35,433 This /isn't China, though. So, I just... You know, I could put it back to how it was. 1235 01:16:35,513 --> 01:16:38,153 H, no, no. Why, why, why? You look great. 1236 01:16:39,473 --> 01:16:41,273 - I do? - Yeah. 1237 01:16:41,353 --> 01:16:43,713 Well, I mean, you looked great before, with the hair. 1238 01:16:43,793 --> 01:16:47,193 But, I mean, this feels more you. 1239 01:16:47,273 --> 01:16:50,113 I mean, besides, /it's not like I want you to be my girlfriend 1240 01:16:50,153 --> 01:16:53,073 just because of your hairstyle. So... 1241 01:16:53,153 --> 01:16:54,913 Your girlfriend? 1242 01:16:54,993 --> 01:16:58,113 H, /I'm sorry. I /didn't mean to... 1243 01:16:58,153 --> 01:16:59,273 /It's kind of presumptuous. 1244 01:16:59,353 --> 01:17:02,313 /It's like, "Hey, you wanna be my girlfriend? Sit next to /me." 1245 01:17:02,393 --> 01:17:04,353 No, no. I mean, you /don't want to be my girlfriend. 1246 01:17:04,433 --> 01:17:07,673 You got guys falling from trees for you, and /it's like... 1247 01:17:07,753 --> 01:17:10,513 Here I am, just a goofy dude. 1248 01:17:11,833 --> 01:17:13,353 /"Goofy dude"? 1249 01:17:15,513 --> 01:17:20,873 Colby, I want to be your girlfriend more than an electron wants to attach to a proton. 1250 01:17:22,193 --> 01:17:24,593 - That much? - Yeah. 1251 01:17:29,073 --> 01:17:30,193 Yeah? 1252 01:17:37,593 --> 01:17:39,193 What? What? 1253 01:17:39,273 --> 01:17:42,433 Did I mess that up? Because I can do that so much better. 1254 01:17:42,793 --> 01:17:46,393 No, I was just thanking Shelley. 1255 01:17:46,793 --> 01:17:48,673 H. Thank you, Shelley. 1256 01:17:57,273 --> 01:17:59,713 Kay, guys. Close your eyes. 1257 01:18:05,113 --> 01:18:07,833 This is it. We're gonna keep the Zeta house. 1258 01:18:07,953 --> 01:18:11,233 - H, my gosh. - Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! 1259 01:18:11,313 --> 01:18:12,553 Lilly, go mail the bids. 1260 01:18:20,873 --> 01:18:21,953 Hi. 1261 01:18:22,673 --> 01:18:24,233 Are you new on campus? 1262 01:18:24,313 --> 01:18:26,073 I /don't think we've ever met. 1263 01:18:26,153 --> 01:18:28,273 /I'm Cole. Cole Trickle. 1264 01:18:30,913 --> 01:18:33,713 Yes. Yes, I just transferred. 1265 01:18:34,873 --> 01:18:36,673 My name is Lilly. 1266 01:18:38,113 --> 01:18:39,433 - Hi. - Hi. 1267 01:18:40,313 --> 01:18:42,473 That girl over there just dropped these on the floor, 1268 01:18:42,553 --> 01:18:44,873 and /she's really into that guy. 1269 01:18:44,953 --> 01:18:47,273 - And I /don't want to interrupt her. - Kay. 1270 01:18:47,353 --> 01:18:49,513 - Can you mail these out for her? - Sure thing. 1271 01:18:49,593 --> 01:18:51,113 Thank you. 1272 01:18:51,193 --> 01:18:54,393 You should totally mail me your number sometime. 1273 01:18:54,473 --> 01:18:55,993 Kay. 1274 01:18:56,073 --> 01:18:58,953 Just give it to me. I have a great memory. 1275 01:18:59,513 --> 01:19:01,073 Where are my envelopes? 1276 01:19:01,153 --> 01:19:04,953 H, you dropped them, but I got it, and they're gonna be mailed right out. 1277 01:19:05,033 --> 01:19:07,273 H, thank you so much. 1278 01:19:07,353 --> 01:19:11,513 - Kay, my /number's 7-6... - Anyways, it was great meeting you, Nelly. 1279 01:19:12,193 --> 01:19:14,553 H, but my name is Lilly, actually. 1280 01:19:14,593 --> 01:19:16,193 Yeah, whatever. 1281 01:19:17,193 --> 01:19:18,433 Bye. 1282 01:19:20,633 --> 01:19:22,473 Now can I see your pizzanties? 1283 01:19:22,553 --> 01:19:23,633 No. 1284 01:19:35,033 --> 01:19:36,313 I /don't get it. 1285 01:19:36,393 --> 01:19:38,673 Why /didn't anyone show up? 1286 01:19:40,153 --> 01:19:42,793 You guys, come here and look at this. 1287 01:19:47,713 --> 01:19:50,833 /I'm Ashley. Come on in. Nice to meet you guys. 1288 01:19:55,073 --> 01:19:57,353 You did send out the invitations, /didn't you? 1289 01:19:57,433 --> 01:19:58,673 Yes. 1290 01:19:59,673 --> 01:20:01,233 But there was this boy there. 1291 01:20:01,313 --> 01:20:03,793 And I never talked to a boy before. You know? 1292 01:20:03,873 --> 01:20:06,433 And he distracted me. Just for a minute. 1293 01:20:06,513 --> 01:20:08,833 And then I saw him talking to Ashley. 1294 01:20:08,913 --> 01:20:11,873 And they knew each other. I could tell by the way that they talked, and... 1295 01:20:11,913 --> 01:20:13,153 And... 1296 01:20:15,273 --> 01:20:16,673 /I'm sorry. 1297 01:20:28,633 --> 01:20:30,633 /People, all right. That's enough. Let's go. 1298 01:20:30,673 --> 01:20:33,633 /We're done. We're shooting Miss November, /not Miss December. Let's do this. 1299 01:20:33,713 --> 01:20:36,353 /Give me the fog. Wind, let's go. /Music, let's go. 1300 01:20:36,433 --> 01:20:40,033 /Let's shoot this. Miss November. /Immortality! Let's go! 1301 01:20:40,833 --> 01:20:43,553 /All right, here we go. It's Shelley time. /Come on, Shelley, it's so hot. 1302 01:20:43,633 --> 01:20:46,273 /Oh, yeah. Sexy. /Sell it, Shelley. Oh, my gosh. 1303 01:20:46,353 --> 01:20:48,113 /You're gorgeous, Shelley. So hot! 1304 01:20:48,193 --> 01:20:50,673 /Come on, work it, Shelley! /Come on, let's see some... 1305 01:20:50,753 --> 01:20:51,793 /Shelley? 1306 01:20:51,873 --> 01:20:54,633 /Stop. Stop the fog, Dave. /Barry, hold the wind, please. 1307 01:20:54,713 --> 01:20:57,513 /What's wrong, babe? /You okay? You sad? Sad monkey? 1308 01:20:57,593 --> 01:20:59,393 I /don't think /I'm your Miss November. 1309 01:20:59,433 --> 01:21:00,793 /What? 1310 01:21:02,233 --> 01:21:03,673 /I'm sorry. 1311 01:21:05,473 --> 01:21:08,593 /Shelley, wait. Shelley. /Shelley, come on. Shelley... 1312 01:21:08,673 --> 01:21:10,553 /Is she serious? 1313 01:21:10,633 --> 01:21:12,633 /Shelley! Shell-monkey! 1314 01:21:12,673 --> 01:21:15,233 /Should we take a shower /and talk about it? Shelley! 1315 01:21:22,393 --> 01:21:23,873 Natalie? 1316 01:21:23,953 --> 01:21:27,033 H, my gosh. How did you find me? 1317 01:21:27,113 --> 01:21:30,313 H, just... A little bird told me. 1318 01:21:30,393 --> 01:21:31,953 What bird? 1319 01:21:31,993 --> 01:21:34,513 Marvin called us. I thought... 1320 01:21:34,593 --> 01:21:36,193 We /didn't think you liked us anymore. 1321 01:21:36,273 --> 01:21:39,713 H, my gosh, no. I've missed you so much. 1322 01:21:39,793 --> 01:21:42,273 H, hi, girls. H, my gosh. 1323 01:21:42,313 --> 01:21:44,233 You guys look beautiful! 1324 01:21:44,273 --> 01:21:46,673 H, I've missed you guys so much. 1325 01:21:46,713 --> 01:21:48,553 You're the best housemother /anyone's ever had. 1326 01:21:48,633 --> 01:21:50,833 /I'm really sorry for what I said to you. 1327 01:21:50,913 --> 01:21:52,433 I know. We really miss you, Shelley. 1328 01:21:52,513 --> 01:21:53,833 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1329 01:21:53,953 --> 01:21:57,473 So, /how'd the rest of rush go? Did you guys get your pledges? 1330 01:21:57,553 --> 01:22:00,913 Zeta had a ton of people interested, /don't get me wrong. Thanks to you. 1331 01:22:00,993 --> 01:22:04,113 But nobody showed up because Ashley stole all of our bids. 1332 01:22:04,193 --> 01:22:06,833 No. So the house is gone? 1333 01:22:06,913 --> 01:22:08,193 They'll make it official today 1334 01:22:08,273 --> 01:22:10,993 at the Panhellenic Council meeting this afternoon. 1335 01:22:11,073 --> 01:22:12,873 So /there's still a chance. 1336 01:22:12,953 --> 01:22:13,993 Shelley, /it's too late. 1337 01:22:14,073 --> 01:22:16,473 I mean, I /don't think /there's anything that we can do. 1338 01:22:16,553 --> 01:22:19,673 Natalie! Together we can do anything! 1339 01:22:20,953 --> 01:22:23,673 /Today's meeting is tinged with sadness. 1340 01:22:24,153 --> 01:22:28,793 /Unfortunately, not all of us will be /returning next year. 1341 01:22:29,673 --> 01:22:34,713 /Yes, that's true. So with that said, /that brings us to our last order of business. 1342 01:22:36,713 --> 01:22:38,033 Stop! 1343 01:22:38,113 --> 01:22:39,273 H, dear. 1344 01:22:39,353 --> 01:22:41,433 We're here to save our house. 1345 01:22:41,513 --> 01:22:45,153 I /don't know how this big meeting stuff works, but I just... 1346 01:22:45,233 --> 01:22:46,753 /Enough with the freak show. 1347 01:22:46,833 --> 01:22:50,713 /What I was saying, /before I was so rudely interrupted, is that... 1348 01:22:50,793 --> 01:22:52,793 Hold on! Wait. 1349 01:22:55,953 --> 01:22:58,033 I have something to say. 1350 01:23:05,673 --> 01:23:08,073 Shelley, say something. 1351 01:23:08,153 --> 01:23:09,873 /I'm allergic to erythromycin. 1352 01:23:09,953 --> 01:23:13,993 /Oh, for God's sake, Dean Simmons. /Enough is enough. Do something. 1353 01:23:14,073 --> 01:23:18,233 /Shelley? The council has come here today /to really finalize this, so... 1354 01:23:18,313 --> 01:23:22,833 No! No! This is germane to our predicament. 1355 01:23:22,873 --> 01:23:27,313 /Oh, well, as long as it's germane. /Please continue. 1356 01:23:27,353 --> 01:23:29,353 Just give her a minute. 1357 01:23:31,233 --> 01:23:34,113 /I'm allergic to erythromycin. 1358 01:23:35,473 --> 01:23:39,673 I took it once when I had a cold. I was 16, and it gave me itching. 1359 01:23:40,393 --> 01:23:44,593 I mean, everything itched. My legs, my arms, my earlobes. 1360 01:23:44,673 --> 01:23:47,833 And other stuff, too, but I /can't say, because /I'm live on the air right now, 1361 01:23:47,913 --> 01:23:50,313 and you /can't say "ass /cheeks," right? 1362 01:23:50,393 --> 01:23:51,873 /You just did. 1363 01:23:52,593 --> 01:23:55,393 But I said it kind of quietly, I think. 1364 01:23:57,433 --> 01:24:02,473 But besides the itching, the erythromycin also made my skin glow. 1365 01:24:03,473 --> 01:24:06,233 It gave me, like, this glowing tan. 1366 01:24:06,313 --> 01:24:09,153 And I suddenly felt like another person. 1367 01:24:09,753 --> 01:24:11,193 Different. 1368 01:24:11,953 --> 01:24:13,273 Better. 1369 01:24:13,993 --> 01:24:16,313 Prettier, I guess. 1370 01:24:16,393 --> 01:24:18,953 - /What's your name? - Michelle. 1371 01:24:19,753 --> 01:24:20,873 Michelle. 1372 01:24:20,993 --> 01:24:23,713 Michelle, do you know that feeling that /I'm talking about? 1373 01:24:23,793 --> 01:24:24,993 Where you suddenly feel pretty 1374 01:24:25,033 --> 01:24:27,673 and, next thing you know, you feel better about yourself? 1375 01:24:27,753 --> 01:24:30,153 Well, that was what was happening to me. 1376 01:24:30,233 --> 01:24:33,473 My allergic reaction made me feel pretty, 1377 01:24:33,553 --> 01:24:38,393 and so I ignored all the bad side effects, because suddenly people were talking to me 1378 01:24:38,473 --> 01:24:40,313 and they were noticing me. 1379 01:24:40,393 --> 01:24:43,513 And even though I was itching like crazy, 1380 01:24:43,553 --> 01:24:46,353 it was worth it to feel accepted. 1381 01:24:47,353 --> 01:24:51,593 And so I /couldn't wait to get a cold so I could take my erythromycin. 1382 01:24:54,193 --> 01:24:58,993 But underneath that beautiful, glowing skin, I still had that cold. 1383 01:25:00,633 --> 01:25:03,073 Well, /that's a meteor. 1384 01:25:04,113 --> 01:25:06,073 /The word is "Metaphor." 1385 01:25:07,113 --> 01:25:09,273 /Can you really be that dumb? 1386 01:25:10,033 --> 01:25:11,953 /She's not dumb. 1387 01:25:12,713 --> 01:25:14,473 Thank you, Natalie. 1388 01:25:16,393 --> 01:25:19,593 And, Mrs. Hagstrom, I meant "Meteor." 1389 01:25:20,793 --> 01:25:24,353 It flashes by and burns bright, but then it disappears. 1390 01:25:25,393 --> 01:25:28,273 And that was what was happening to me. 1391 01:25:28,353 --> 01:25:30,793 The real me just disappeared. 1392 01:25:32,313 --> 01:25:34,313 /Is anyone buying this? 1393 01:25:35,353 --> 01:25:37,713 I am not an expert speech-giver. 1394 01:25:39,113 --> 01:25:42,793 But I do know that one day, when your looks are gone, 1395 01:25:42,873 --> 01:25:46,473 if everything you have is based on looks, well, then you've got nothing. 1396 01:25:46,513 --> 01:25:49,753 You need your friends and your family by your side, 1397 01:25:49,833 --> 01:25:53,633 to love you for who you are, not what you look like. 1398 01:25:53,713 --> 01:25:57,473 At the Zeta house, our new motto is, /"Be who you are." 1399 01:25:57,553 --> 01:25:59,473 Because we're a family. 1400 01:26:00,113 --> 01:26:03,913 We're a family that loves you on the inside. 1401 01:26:05,113 --> 01:26:10,313 So we need you to stand forward and be a part of that family. 1402 01:26:11,153 --> 01:26:15,753 We need 30 people right now to stand forward and pledge Zeta! 1403 01:26:15,833 --> 01:26:19,233 Hey, honey! You had me at "itchy ass /cheeks." I'm in. 1404 01:26:19,313 --> 01:26:21,273 Me too! Me too! 1405 01:26:21,353 --> 01:26:22,633 Me too! 1406 01:26:23,633 --> 01:26:25,193 - I'll be a Zeta! - Me, too! 1407 01:26:25,273 --> 01:26:27,073 - Me, too. - I'll pledge! 1408 01:26:27,153 --> 01:26:30,713 - Six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11! - Me, too! 1409 01:26:30,793 --> 01:26:33,633 - I'll pledge! - Twelve! Thirteen! Come on, we need 30. 1410 01:26:33,713 --> 01:26:35,193 - I'll do it! - Fourteen. 1411 01:26:35,233 --> 01:26:37,473 - Get your hand down. - Fifteen. Sixteen. 1412 01:26:37,553 --> 01:26:40,513 Seventeen, 18, 19, 20. Excellent! Twenty-one! 1413 01:26:40,593 --> 01:26:43,473 - Twenty-two. Twenty-three. Come on! - I'll be in Zeta! 1414 01:26:43,513 --> 01:26:45,553 - Twenty-four, 25. - Up here! Pick me! 1415 01:26:45,633 --> 01:26:47,753 Twenty-six, on top. Thank you. Twenty-seven. 1416 01:26:47,833 --> 01:26:50,193 New pledger, right there. Come on, two more! 1417 01:26:50,273 --> 01:26:51,873 Twenty-eight, 29! 1418 01:26:51,913 --> 01:26:54,153 Ne more. Just need one more. Come on, everybody. 1419 01:26:54,233 --> 01:26:57,793 Ne more. Ne more. Get your hand up. Come on! Be a Zeta. 1420 01:26:57,873 --> 01:26:59,153 Come on! 1421 01:26:59,233 --> 01:27:02,553 Come on! Come on, one more! Just need one more Zeta. 1422 01:27:02,593 --> 01:27:04,633 Ne more, one more. Come on! 1423 01:27:04,713 --> 01:27:07,113 Pound the gavel! Why are you dragging this out? 1424 01:27:07,193 --> 01:27:08,593 /There's nobody else! /It's over. 1425 01:27:08,633 --> 01:27:11,153 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha on you, Zetas. 1426 01:27:13,993 --> 01:27:15,393 Wait! 1427 01:27:16,433 --> 01:27:18,513 /There's one more new Zeta! 1428 01:27:27,873 --> 01:27:29,353 No. Sorry. 1429 01:27:30,113 --> 01:27:33,513 /Can't be a baby pledging a sorority. You gotta be a student. 1430 01:27:33,593 --> 01:27:34,873 /That's right! 1431 01:27:34,953 --> 01:27:38,033 Rules are rules. H, well. Bye-bye. 1432 01:27:38,113 --> 01:27:40,233 Time to pound that gavel. Meeting adjourned. 1433 01:27:40,313 --> 01:27:43,153 Dunzo. Pound that gavel, Dean. 1434 01:27:43,233 --> 01:27:46,753 /I'm really very sorry, girls. I know how hard you've worked for this. 1435 01:27:46,833 --> 01:27:48,793 It hurts me to do this, but I... 1436 01:27:48,873 --> 01:27:52,113 Stop! I would like to pledge Zeta. 1437 01:27:52,713 --> 01:27:53,953 What? 1438 01:27:54,033 --> 01:27:56,513 I like everything that Shelley said. 1439 01:27:56,593 --> 01:27:58,673 Are you out of your mind? 1440 01:27:59,913 --> 01:28:04,353 And, God, do you know how sick to death I am of you? 1441 01:28:04,433 --> 01:28:06,513 F Phi lota Mu? 1442 01:28:06,593 --> 01:28:08,993 I've been in Phi lota Mu hell! 1443 01:28:09,073 --> 01:28:11,073 I want to be a Zeta. 1444 01:28:14,633 --> 01:28:15,873 No! 1445 01:28:21,953 --> 01:28:24,273 Kay, so Zetas keep their house. 1446 01:28:24,313 --> 01:28:26,033 Meeting adjourned. 1447 01:28:26,673 --> 01:28:29,633 Now, go study something. 1448 01:28:33,873 --> 01:28:35,793 What are we supposed to do now? 1449 01:28:35,873 --> 01:28:37,673 /Let's start with this. 1450 01:28:46,233 --> 01:28:48,553 H, I love my weird home. 1451 01:28:48,633 --> 01:28:49,833 Things that I like! 1452 01:28:49,913 --> 01:28:52,593 Ttoman! H, I love you, ottoman. 1453 01:28:53,313 --> 01:28:55,833 - This house is so nice! - I know. 1454 01:28:55,913 --> 01:28:57,953 I mean, so cool. 1455 01:28:58,033 --> 01:29:01,033 - Hey, do you want me to show you upstairs? - Yes! Show me, show me, show me. 1456 01:29:01,113 --> 01:29:02,793 This is so great. 1457 01:29:02,873 --> 01:29:05,473 Everything worked out so perfectly. 1458 01:29:06,513 --> 01:29:09,073 Well, not perfectly. 1459 01:29:09,153 --> 01:29:14,153 I mean, I messed up things with liver because I moved to Peru and left him a note. 1460 01:29:14,233 --> 01:29:17,033 Well, Shelley, you /didn't really move to Peru. 1461 01:29:17,113 --> 01:29:19,353 I know that, but he doesn't. 1462 01:29:21,713 --> 01:29:23,073 Liver. 1463 01:29:24,833 --> 01:29:29,553 I was literally just talking about you. How did you know that I got back? 1464 01:29:30,553 --> 01:29:33,233 /Let's just say a little bird told me. 1465 01:29:34,513 --> 01:29:36,913 I gotta meet this /frickin' bird! 1466 01:29:38,193 --> 01:29:39,793 /It's me, Shell. 1467 01:29:40,593 --> 01:29:43,553 /I'm the bird. I called liver. 1468 01:29:45,673 --> 01:29:47,073 Thank you. 1469 01:29:47,673 --> 01:29:50,553 /It's so great to have such nice friends. 1470 01:29:52,833 --> 01:29:56,753 And, liver, I have to admit, I never went to Peru. 1471 01:29:56,833 --> 01:29:59,113 - I know. - Thank you. 1472 01:29:59,193 --> 01:30:00,793 You're welcome. 1473 01:30:01,433 --> 01:30:03,393 And I was in /Playboy. 1474 01:30:03,473 --> 01:30:06,353 I know that, too. And I /don't care. 1475 01:30:07,953 --> 01:30:10,273 I would like to try this again. 1476 01:30:10,313 --> 01:30:14,793 Except this time, no manhole covers or bubble gum. 1477 01:30:15,593 --> 01:30:18,833 You know, just see where this goes. 1478 01:30:19,393 --> 01:30:20,553 Yes. 1479 01:30:21,433 --> 01:30:23,793 - /I'd like that. - Great. 1480 01:30:26,593 --> 01:30:28,073 Liver. 1481 01:30:28,153 --> 01:30:29,433 Liver. 1482 01:30:30,273 --> 01:30:33,473 - /I'm Shelley. - Nice to meet you again, Shelley. 1483 01:30:34,833 --> 01:30:37,873 /Dear Hef, everything worked out! 1484 01:30:37,953 --> 01:30:41,393 /We got 30 new Zeta sisters, /and the house was saved. 1485 01:30:42,993 --> 01:30:45,473 /And Oliver and I started dating again. 1486 01:30:45,513 --> 01:30:48,433 /Oliver is kind and sweet and when we kiss, 1487 01:30:48,513 --> 01:30:51,113 /I see stars and he sees fireworks. 1488 01:30:51,193 --> 01:30:53,473 /And he says that means that we're in love, /and he's right! 1489 01:30:53,553 --> 01:30:54,993 /Because otherwise, when we kiss 1490 01:30:55,033 --> 01:30:57,993 /we'd see stuff like pencils /and empty ketchup bottles. 1491 01:30:58,073 --> 01:31:01,553 /Oh, and the Zetas decided to throw /a big party in my honor, 1492 01:31:01,633 --> 01:31:03,753 /and I felt just like that girl /from the storybook. 1493 01:31:03,833 --> 01:31:05,633 /You know the one. What's her name? 1494 01:31:05,713 --> 01:31:07,873 /Oh, yeah. Cinderella. 1495 01:31:19,433 --> 01:31:21,673 /Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at? 1496 01:31:21,753 --> 01:31:24,033 /Where my, where my... /Where my Zetas at? 1497 01:31:24,113 --> 01:31:26,353 /Hands up now 1498 01:31:26,393 --> 01:31:28,033 /Push it up now 1499 01:31:29,233 --> 01:31:31,513 /I know what boys like 1500 01:31:31,593 --> 01:31:33,793 /Cute smiles and heels high 1501 01:31:33,833 --> 01:31:36,113 /I tempt the hello 1502 01:31:36,193 --> 01:31:38,353 /While I say bye-bye 1503 01:31:38,433 --> 01:31:40,633 /I know they want me 1504 01:31:40,753 --> 01:31:42,993 /They try to fake it 1505 01:31:43,073 --> 01:31:45,313 /But they just end up 1506 01:31:45,393 --> 01:31:47,393 /Intimidated! 1507 01:31:50,513 --> 01:31:52,833 /It ain't that hard to see 1508 01:31:52,913 --> 01:31:54,793 /I know you're feelin' me 1509 01:31:54,873 --> 01:31:56,593 /I know what I want 1510 01:31:56,673 --> 01:31:58,953 /If I think you'll give me 1511 01:31:58,993 --> 01:32:01,113 /I might let you 1512 01:32:01,193 --> 01:32:03,593 /Unconditionally, yeah 1513 01:32:03,633 --> 01:32:05,833 /I might let you 1514 01:32:05,913 --> 01:32:08,113 /If you're on my level 1515 01:32:08,193 --> 01:32:09,993 /I might let you 1516 01:32:10,033 --> 01:32:12,753 /And, baby, if I think you're special 1517 01:32:12,833 --> 01:32:14,793 /I might let you! 1518 01:32:14,873 --> 01:32:17,033 /Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at? 1519 01:32:17,113 --> 01:32:19,633 /Where my, where my... /Where my Zetas at? 1520 01:32:19,713 --> 01:32:21,873 /That's what they want, want 1521 01:32:21,953 --> 01:32:23,953 /That's what they want, want 1522 01:32:24,033 --> 01:32:28,513 /Now every time I come up in the spot /I'm with my Zetas 1523 01:32:28,593 --> 01:32:32,913 /A peace sign to the fellas /And reverse it for the hatas 1524 01:32:32,993 --> 01:32:35,193 /Slickity-slick Bam-boom-wow 1525 01:32:35,273 --> 01:32:37,593 /Look at how hot my ladies are now 1526 01:32:37,673 --> 01:32:39,873 /We ain't messin' with you fools 1527 01:32:39,953 --> 01:32:42,473 /We ain't playin' with you clowns 1528 01:32:42,553 --> 01:32:44,793 /Now this blonde babe is the one to thank 1529 01:32:44,833 --> 01:32:47,193 /Helped us rise to the top of the social ranks 1530 01:32:47,273 --> 01:32:49,353 /The lost little bunny /changed us for the better 1531 01:32:49,433 --> 01:32:51,873 /Now she's part of the Zeta family forever 1532 01:32:51,953 --> 01:32:54,233 /Back, back... /Back it on up 1533 01:32:54,313 --> 01:32:56,633 /Back it a-back it a-back /Back it on up 1534 01:32:56,713 --> 01:32:58,913 /Back, back... /Back it on up 1535 01:32:58,993 --> 01:33:01,433 /Now I realize that 1536 01:33:01,513 --> 01:33:03,793 /I know what boys like 1537 01:33:03,873 --> 01:33:06,113 /I know what guys want 1538 01:33:06,193 --> 01:33:08,393 /I know what boys like 1539 01:33:08,513 --> 01:33:10,753 /I got what boys like 1540 01:33:10,833 --> 01:33:12,953 /I know what boys like 1541 01:33:13,033 --> 01:33:15,353 /I know what guys want 1542 01:33:15,433 --> 01:33:17,553 /I know what boys like 1543 01:33:17,633 --> 01:33:19,793 /I know what I want