1 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,472 You scored yourself a nice corner. Good job. 2 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,641 Hi. I'm Maura Ellis. 3 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,768 I'm not part of a religious group or anything. 4 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,855 I'm just a nurse who likes to give back on her days off. 5 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,315 You know, when you're living outdoors, 6 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,942 skin cancer is a real concern. 7 00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,485 So I got you some sunscreen, 8 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,321 and you, my friend, have some irregular moles. 9 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,448 You're a very friendly person. 10 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,742 Wanna come to my house and take a shower? 11 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,202 Maybe make a list of goals? 12 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:18,537 Oh, I have a girlfriend. 13 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,831 Great. It's important to have a lady out there in the street. 14 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,500 What do you call it, a road bitch or something? 15 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,668 Her name's Karen. 16 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,753 Your little mama? Your street wife? 17 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:27,921 (SIGHS) Anyway, 18 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,339 I'm pretty good with sayings, 19 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:33,552 so I make these cards for my sister, but I think maybe you could use one. 20 00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:36,680 Without the dark night, we would never see the bright stars. 21 00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,390 Is this from Twilight? 22 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,516 No, I made it up. 23 00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:40,851 Mmm, no, you didn't. 24 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,144 Yeah, I did. 25 00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:43,312 See you later. 26 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,105 Wait. 27 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:46,481 Wait a minute. 28 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:47,691 Hey! 29 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:48,984 You're not homeless? 30 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,569 You were on a roll. 31 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,029 Well, give me back the sunscreen 32 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,198 so I can give it to an actual homeless person! 33 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,240 Like this lady. 34 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:58,202 Fuck off! I'm the manager here. 35 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,287 0 for 2. 36 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:05,709 MAURA: Polenta! Come get your dinner. 37 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,461 (LAPTOP RINGING) 38 00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:10,297 Mom? 39 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,507 -Hi. Can you hear me? -(MEOWING) 40 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,717 BUCKY: Hiya, kid. What are you up to today? 41 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,386 Dad, come in front of the camera so I can see you. 42 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,305 DEANNA: How are things at the hospital, honey? 43 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,557 We heard that Atlanta had a terrible storm. 44 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:21,975 -Garage sale. -Okay. 45 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:25,312 Can you guys both sit in front of the camera when you talk 46 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,523 so that I can see you and hear you at the same time? 47 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:30,067 -We don't get this Skype crap. -There's nothing to get. 48 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,818 -You're doing it. -DEANNA: Maura, 49 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,570 we have some news. 50 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,405 Maura, we have some news. 51 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,409 -Oh, my God. Who's sick? -BUCKY: Oh, for cry-eye, Maura. 52 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,036 Relax! 53 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,580 We decided 54 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,710 to sell the house. 55 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:51,004 Yeah, okay. Funny joke. What's the news? 56 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,631 We are. We're selling it. 57 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,091 The one we grew up in? 58 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,425 Are you selling it to each other? 59 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:56,760 No, honey. 60 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,054 -Why would you do that? -DEANNA: We don't want it anymore. 61 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,222 -It's too big. -Look, if this is some kind 62 00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,766 of financial thing, I can help you out with money. 63 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:03,851 DEANNA: No, honey. 64 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:07,312 All we need you to do is to come and clean out your bedroom 65 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:08,981 because it's a bottomless pit. 66 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:11,984 Okay. I can come. Just don't make a move until I get there. 67 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,777 Does Kate know about this? 68 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,404 BUCKY: We haven't told her yet. 69 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,906 You two take news so differently. 70 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:20,117 We wondered if maybe 71 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,035 you should tell her. 72 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,705 Because we don't want to. 73 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,290 Why do I always have to be the one? 74 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:28,959 Oh, shit. 75 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,336 I think you guys froze. Hold on. Can you hear me? 76 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,754 Hello? 77 00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,966 You're blinking. You're fake freezing. 78 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,386 Unbelievable. Just call her. You're her parents. 79 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:40,929 (SNEEZES) 80 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,975 Dad! Let it go. 81 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:56,361 KATE: See, where most stylists blow it is they color your hair 82 00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,906 -but they leave your Santa eyebrows. -Hmm. 83 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,200 They half-ass it, but I'm a perfectionist. 84 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,326 Thank you. 85 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:05,037 So why are we covering this gray today, Phil? 86 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,625 Well, I have a date with an engaging new gal, somewhat younger than me. 87 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,085 Good for you, because ladies your age are gross, right? 88 00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:15,255 Well, I just hope it looks natural. It smells very strong. 89 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:17,882 No. It's super gentle. They use it on pageant babies. 90 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,510 Mom! I'm home! 91 00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:20,677 (SHRIEKS) 92 00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:23,347 My daughter's home! She has been gone half the summer. 93 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,974 I'll be right back. If it feels like it's burning, it's working. 94 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:27,893 (BOTH SHRIEKING) 95 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,312 -Wow! -(LAUGHS AND SHRIEKS) 96 00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:33,982 (GRUNTS) You have been gone for so long! Did you get taller? 97 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,652 I've only been gone a month, and I stopped growing a long time ago. 98 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,612 Um, is this supposed to be getting warm? 99 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,696 Let it cook, Phil. 100 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:41,532 HALEY: Um... 101 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,866 Mom? 102 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:45,160 Why are you doing some guy's hair in the bathroom? 103 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,704 -Huh? -P.S. this does not feel right. Hello. 104 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,997 (HISSING) 105 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,083 Why aren't you doing it in a salon? 106 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,501 Please don't tell me you quit your job again. 107 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,127 I didn't quit! All right. 108 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,046 You know that dipshit lady on Channel Eleven 109 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,048 who does the segments where she tries new things? 110 00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,342 -Yeah. Go on. -Well, she wanted bangs, 111 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,970 but then afterwards she decided that she didn't want bangs. 112 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,638 And my manager started bitching me out, 113 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,516 so I shoved him and his American Girl Doll glasses broke. 114 00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:08,809 Okay. So you got fired. 115 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,520 Why do you keep doing this, Mom? 116 00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:12,688 You wanna have a cereal party? 117 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:17,025 No, I don't. I want you to be responsible so that I don't have to be. 118 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,277 It is too stressful 119 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,738 sleeping with you on a pull-out couch in your friend's dining room. 120 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,657 She is not my friend. She was our bug man. 121 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,243 I need to learn to be more irresponsible 122 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,538 otherwise I'm going to be hazed so bad in college. 123 00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:30,956 It's bubbling like Pop Rocks. 124 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,374 -I'm gonna stay at Annie's house again. -All right. 125 00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:35,794 Okay, that's a lie because Annie is in Italy with her family. 126 00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:37,004 I know how to use Facebook. 127 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,840 I will keep sending you pictures so that you know that I'm safe. 128 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,134 No. You cannot just leave again and not tell me where you are. 129 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,219 You know why I don't tell you where I'm going? 130 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:47,389 Because you'll show up there and you'll make a big scene like a hothead! 131 00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,142 I am not a hothead! I am brassy. 132 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:53,437 I love you, Mom, but your life is just too chaotic right now. 133 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,147 -It is not chaotic. -DANA: Kate! 134 00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:58,775 Is this your waxing strip? 135 00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,028 I don't know, Dana. It must be a client's. 136 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,572 My dog had this in his feces. 137 00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:05,032 -(WHIMPERS) -And before I could stop him 138 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:08,452 he ate the poop with the waxing strip in it again. 139 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,954 -And then he threw that up. -Okay. 140 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:13,916 You know how many times a day I kiss that dog on the mouth? 141 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,375 An unsettling amount. 142 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,461 Now when I kiss him, 143 00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,796 I'm gonna picture that he ate 144 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,257 some stranger's pubes. 145 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,260 And it's gonna affect my relationship with him. 146 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,595 KATE: Oh, boy. 147 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,055 All right. Let's bring this in for a landing, Dana. 148 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,890 You get out of here by tomorrow. 149 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,308 -(STAMMERS) -You're done! 150 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,644 -Where the hell am I gonna go? -(BARKING) 151 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,771 You wanna explain that to my daughter? 152 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,648 -Haley? -(CELL PHONE RINGING) 153 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:38,815 Shit. 154 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:41,777 (SHOUTS) Haley? 155 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,153 Haley! 156 00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:47,824 Okay, Haley, just come back up, and we will talk about this. 157 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:48,951 Hey, it's me. 158 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:51,745 Hello? This is very unprofessional. 159 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,330 Hey. I can't talk right now. 160 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,831 Real quick. Mom and Dad called. 161 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,166 Ugh, what now? 162 00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:57,835 What's up? Everything all right? 163 00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,087 No, I don't need lotion in there. 164 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,213 (SHUSHES) 165 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,840 Yeah, you do need lotion in there. 166 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,800 Hey, here's something fun. 167 00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,844 Mom and Dad want us to come down. 168 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,555 They need us to clear out some of our old bedroom stuff. 169 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,431 Why? They have other rooms. 170 00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,976 MAURA: I don't know. Maybe they wanna get a treadmill. 171 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:17,604 (SCOFFS) A treadmill? Mom can't even sit right on a couch. 172 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,402 -I'm just gonna shape them real quick. -All right. 173 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:26,363 Yeah, no. I can't afford to come to Orlando right now. 174 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,365 Well, I'll send you money for the flight. 175 00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:31,952 Come to Orlando. Ellis sisters reunion. 176 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,788 Coming home always makes things better. 177 00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,624 That's actually a really good idea. 178 00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,544 Tell me the truth. 179 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:45,465 Next stop, Orlando Airport. Thank you for riding Greyhound. 180 00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:53,182 AIRPORT ANNOUNCER ON PA: Please maintain contact with your baggage. 181 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,142 All unattended baggage will be confiscated. 182 00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:59,980 Hey. Could I get a small glass of tequila? 183 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,524 Like a shot of tequila? 184 00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:05,235 Yeah, a shot. Just keeping it classy. 185 00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:06,403 Paging Mr. Herman. 186 00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:08,071 Oh, Mr. Pee-wee Herman! 187 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,198 (KATE SHRIEKS) 188 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,825 -Look at you. -Hi! 189 00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:13,076 MAURA: Look at you. KATE: Uh-uh, uh-uh. 190 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,703 -What's going on? -Nothing. 191 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,247 -Wow, turn it around. This is soft. -(CHUCKLES) 192 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:18,707 -You look great. -No. 193 00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:21,043 I look like a dead deer bloated on the highway. 194 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:24,087 No. You look like a pretty deer who's still alive. 195 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,839 -Mmm. -But also, just recently hit. 196 00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:26,924 (SNORTING) 197 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,676 -Your hair is long! It's so mermaid-y. -Yeah. 198 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,263 Oh, I got a whole intricate sewn-in system under there, but it's human. 199 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,057 Okay, well, you have to be careful when you get fake hair 200 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,934 because some countries give their young girls chicken hormones 201 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,270 -and make them grow it in their basements. -(SCOFFS) 202 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,438 Do they get paid? Because I would do that. 203 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,944 Hey, honey. I'm sure you're out having fun 204 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:51,281 but I'm dying to see that photo you were gonna send me. 205 00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:55,160 She's having such a great summer, but I think she's getting homesick. 206 00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:57,579 -I'm sure she misses you. -I miss her. 207 00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,040 Like, in my body. 208 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,834 Mmm. She'll be back soon. 209 00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:04,253 What's your deal? Been doing anything fun? 210 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:07,172 Yeah. Rescue dogs have so many hidden skills. 211 00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:09,967 I've been teaching Polenta how to smell diabetes. 212 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,469 You've been divorced for two years. 213 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:15,806 You should at least be going to Chili's with your work friends 214 00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:16,932 or some such basic shit, 215 00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,518 instead of spending the night on Skype dates with Mom and Dad. 216 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,562 I've been having a lot of fun. 217 00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,438 I've been teaching myself how to make cheese. 218 00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:27,401 I'm fine. I'm really good. I'm real good. 219 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,195 What about you? Do you have a job or a place to live? 220 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,739 I got an idea that's gonna solve everything. Haley's gonna flip. 221 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:34,074 What's your idea? 222 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:37,369 I think we should move down here and live with Mom and Dad for a while. 223 00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:41,164 (RADIO VOLUME INCREASES) 224 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,959 (BOTH SINGING) Give a little bit of heart and soul 225 00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:46,587 Give a little bit of love to grow 226 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,173 Give a little bit of heart and soul... 227 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,300 (BOTH MUMBLING LYRICS) 228 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:03,145 Holy Moses with his balls out. 229 00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:05,397 Is that Kate Ellis I'm looking at? 230 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,481 Maybe. 231 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,317 (LAUGHS) Hey, look at you. 232 00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,821 Come on, Dave Blackmon! I was a senior, you were a junior. 233 00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:15,032 I lingered back so we could be seniors together? 234 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:17,534 You were my first non-hand I ever did it with. 235 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:20,996 Oh, my God. Yes. I swallowed your earring. 236 00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:22,539 That was a true honor. 237 00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:23,957 Aw, thank you. Thank you. 238 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,335 Wow. Somebody told me you died. 239 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,712 That's crazy. That's the second person that's said that to me. 240 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:29,796 Hmm, you should check it out. 241 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,715 You know, I'm a known alcoholic in this area 242 00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:35,219 but I still talk about those Ellis Island parties, baby. (VOCALIZES) 243 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,470 Such good times, right? 244 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:38,889 Yeah. You scaling that fireplace with them heels? 245 00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:40,724 Oh, man. That was a beautiful sight, baby. 246 00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:43,894 And who's this fine-ass female? 247 00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:47,231 Hi, Dave. I'm Maura, Kate's younger sister. 248 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,567 I held your mullet back one time when you were vomiting at our party 249 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:53,237 so you wouldn't impale your face on our cactus garden. 250 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,365 (LAUGHING) No. Shit. Those were fun times, though, huh? 251 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:59,076 Yeah. You know, in a way. 252 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,912 You sure bloomed into a juicy peach, holy... 253 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:02,996 Thank you, Dave. 254 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,414 KATE: So is this your liquor store? 255 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:07,417 Oh, you know, I got some stock, I got some handshake options. 256 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:08,794 Because you heard what happened, right? 257 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:11,296 My mobile townhouse got ate by a sinkhole. 258 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,048 -No. -Eaten by a sinkhole? 259 00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:15,175 -Mmm-hmm. -That is a Florida heartbreak. 260 00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:18,095 Wow, the Ellis sisters, man. What a sandwich that would be, huh? 261 00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,806 If I could tell my friends that that went down. (LAUGHS) Oh, man. 262 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:21,890 What do you think? 263 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,976 Who? Oh... (CHUCKLES) 264 00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:26,520 -Just putting it out there. -Listen, life is about putting it out there. 265 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:27,771 -And then swatting it away. -Isn't it? 266 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,148 Sometimes it stays out there. Where you put it. 267 00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:31,650 And then sometimes it goes right into the trash. 268 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,277 So that's, like, a no. I understand. 269 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,611 I think we should go. Great to see you, Dave. 270 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,029 -Just putting it out there. -Yeah, okay. 271 00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,656 KATE: Nice to see you, man. I'm glad you're alive. 272 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,033 -Thank you. -You look, uh, weathered. 273 00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:41,910 You look like underpass weathered. 274 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:43,453 DAVE: Yeah. Thank you, I guess. Yeah. 275 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:47,708 So listen, is there, like, um, friends and family discount at this place? 276 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,127 Oh, yeah. Two finger discount. 277 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:52,379 -(KATE CHUCKLES) -MAURA: Oh... 278 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,424 -That made my legs feel weird. -Just unbridled filth. 279 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,551 MAURA: Gross! DAVE: Hey, you know how it is. (LAUGHS) 280 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,511 KATE: Bye, Dave! Whoo! 281 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,972 The party just got back to O-Town! 282 00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:03,640 MAURA: (SHOUTING) Okay! 283 00:12:04,308 --> 00:12:06,643 It's cicada season, so keep your mouth shut. Whoo! 284 00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:09,354 (KATE AND MAURA CHEERING) 285 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,483 KATE: Are you ready for this jelly, Whorelando? 286 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:14,860 MAURA: (SHOUTING) Yeah! 287 00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,572 -MAURA: Hey! -(KATE CHEERING) 288 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,950 (MAURA AND KATE CHEERING) 289 00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,785 KATE: Ellis sisters in the house! 290 00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:24,828 Hey! 291 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,413 Oh, sweaty man. We have to flirt. 292 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,248 Slow it down for a groove-by. 293 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,250 Hey. 294 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:32,586 What urp? Hey. 295 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,004 Burying your wife? 296 00:12:34,046 --> 00:12:35,881 -(CHUCKLES) Um... -KATE: Can I ask you something? 297 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,674 -My sister and I... -Hey. 298 00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:41,762 ...are busy professionals, looking for an "yard artisan" 299 00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,222 to do some work on our bushes? 300 00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:45,724 You are working. We will not bother you. Sorry. 301 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,017 KATE: (WHISPERING) Jump on my bush joke. 302 00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:49,645 I just made that up! Put another Jenga on it. 303 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:55,609 I bet working on other people's bushes really makes you wanna whack your weeds. 304 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:56,693 That was dirtier than I thought. 305 00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,153 I'm sorry. That got dirty really fast. 306 00:12:58,195 --> 00:12:59,696 Don't apologize, I like that. 307 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,823 I actually own this house. 308 00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:02,991 You live here with your wife? 309 00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:05,160 Your wife's a bitch for not helping you. 310 00:13:05,244 --> 00:13:06,411 JAMES: Uh, I... 311 00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:08,455 -I'm single, actually. -Oh. 312 00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:10,040 Well, we're not making fun of you. 313 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,543 We're flirting with you, because you're really sweaty. 314 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,838 I'm a solid guy. I don't mind being the butt of your jokes. 315 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:19,341 Good. You will be the butt of our jokes, because your butt is no joke. 316 00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:20,425 Okay. 317 00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:23,178 MAURA: I'm not laughing at that butt. I'll laugh with your butt. 318 00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:25,305 I'm gonna laugh in that butt. 319 00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:26,390 I'm gonna laugh. 320 00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:28,809 (INHALES) I'm gonna... I love to... 321 00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,185 My butt's funny, too, 322 00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:33,397 but your butt is really serious. 323 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,525 Your butt is like an hour-long drama. 324 00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:39,111 Your butt's as serious as The Wire. 325 00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:42,155 MAURA: I mean, I can't wait to watch your butt on DVD. 326 00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:44,575 I'm gonna binge-watch your butt when I have the flu. 327 00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:46,410 -Time to drive away. -Great. 328 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,786 Yeah, um, so... 329 00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,746 -You ever buy Poppin' Fresh Dough? -Yeah. 330 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,248 -Remember the sound it makes? -JAMES: Yeah. 331 00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:52,332 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) 332 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,797 KATE: And that's how you do it. MAURA: (CHUCKLES) Oh, my God. 333 00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:12,269 What the hell is a sold sign doing on our front yard? 334 00:14:12,311 --> 00:14:13,896 MAURA: Sold? 335 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,147 No! 336 00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,691 They talked about putting it on the market. 337 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,526 Did you know about this and not tell me? 338 00:14:19,610 --> 00:14:21,153 Why don't people tell me things? 339 00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,780 They spoke to me about it, and we were considering it. 340 00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:27,367 They fucking sold our fucking childhood fucking home. 341 00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,453 I can't believe they did this without consulting me. 342 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,706 This home should have been passed on. 343 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,334 -I'll talk them out of it. It's okay. -It's not okay! 344 00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:38,629 Because my great idea just got fucked in the a-hole! 345 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,631 Welcome to my life! 346 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:42,716 (GRUNTING) 347 00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,176 Damn it. Shit! 348 00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:47,513 (SCREAMING) Fuck! Shit, fuck! 349 00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:48,972 Balls! 350 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,028 KATE: What the... 351 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,034 Totally shady. 352 00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:12,579 Where are the curtains with the fruit on them? 353 00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:14,748 She was gonna give all this stuff away? 354 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,125 I'm sorry, I'm keeping this colander. 355 00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,002 KATE: Heartless. 356 00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,547 Where's the fucking manatee lamp I made? 357 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:22,714 (KATE WRETCHES) 358 00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,466 I'm sorry. 359 00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:27,636 This was not our doing. 360 00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:32,683 They were gonna give away the foldy yardstick? 361 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,017 Absolutely hell no. 362 00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:37,437 KATE: Where in the hell are Mom's tiny, ceramic shoes? 363 00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,024 MAURA: This is just so not okay. 364 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:44,194 So now some asshole family gets to play in our sister tree? 365 00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:45,237 Fuck no. 366 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,239 Where are our parents? 367 00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:51,577 KATE: This nursing home better not smell urine-y, like a death-cafeteria. 368 00:15:51,702 --> 00:15:54,246 MAURA: It's not a nursing home, it's an adult community. 369 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:55,873 It's called Village Du Soleil, 370 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,583 which in French means "in the sun." 371 00:15:57,666 --> 00:16:00,544 Old people aren't supposed to be in the sun! So stupid. 372 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,046 Yeah, Mom and Dad, eat a pyramid of dicks. 373 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,923 Sit on a bunch of pinecones. 374 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,800 If I see Mom in one of those one-chair beauty shops, 375 00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:08,886 I will full-out BJ a hot curling iron. 376 00:16:09,303 --> 00:16:13,265 Rowdy seniors and booze by a lake? That's a recipe for disaster. 377 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:17,394 If they have shower chairs at this granny farm, I will slit my throat and put it on YouTube. 378 00:16:18,854 --> 00:16:20,689 MAURA: You failed to mention your plan. 379 00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:23,317 Why didn't you tell me that you sold the house? 380 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,402 Because we knew you'd try to talk us out of it. 381 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,695 I mean, you were pushy kids. 382 00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:28,739 You're selling your clocks, by the way? 383 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:30,282 What, are you secretly dying? 384 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,868 No, I'm not dying. I'm just sick of winding them. 385 00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:34,244 Hey, I want Pop-Pop's grandfather clock. 386 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,413 Where are you going to keep it? In your purse? 387 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,625 The things in that house meant something to us. 388 00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:44,796 Each one of those objects is a puzzle piece in the story of our lives. 389 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,090 We just don't want clutter anymore. 390 00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,717 Then what the fuck is this? 391 00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:50,928 MAURA: Clutter? You don't want clutter? 392 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,221 Clutter has a name. 393 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:55,557 And it's Pogee, the Christmas Tree Elf. 394 00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:58,727 You take him. We're gonna get a tabletop tree. 395 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,896 (GROANING AND SCREAMING) 396 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:03,774 DEANNA: Honestly... MAURA: We can't have Christmas here! 397 00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,608 It feels good to purge. 398 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:10,030 And we downloaded all our pictures! 399 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,906 You threw away our baby pictures? 400 00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:13,282 No! 401 00:17:13,325 --> 00:17:16,286 We sold them to the gay man at the flea market 402 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:18,454 who turns them into funny cards. 403 00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:22,334 And your father put them on this. 404 00:17:23,252 --> 00:17:26,463 So I just stick this up my vagina and then I can see the pictures? 405 00:17:26,505 --> 00:17:28,382 -Oh, Katherine Anne. Stop. -What? 406 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:31,385 She's being funny, because this is so crazy. 407 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:35,013 What I think we all need to do is go to lunch. 408 00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:39,017 And then we can discuss if selling the house is the best plan for us. 409 00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:41,562 "Us" is happy with the decision. Mmm? 410 00:17:41,645 --> 00:17:43,355 DEANNA: You two go whoop it up. 411 00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:45,566 No, don't go whoop it up. It's all spiffed out. 412 00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:48,777 It needs to stay that way for the inspection on Monday. 413 00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:50,153 If you have to poo, go to Arby's. 414 00:17:50,571 --> 00:17:54,700 I can't go to the bathroom at restaurants. You know that. 415 00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:56,785 All right, all right. I understand. 416 00:17:56,827 --> 00:17:58,912 If she's gonna poop at the house, I wanna poop at the house. 417 00:17:58,996 --> 00:18:01,915 -Yeah... -All right, you can both poop at the house. 418 00:18:01,999 --> 00:18:03,083 I like Arby's. 419 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:06,044 You know, let's just all agree that this is a bad idea. 420 00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:09,298 Listen to me. We're gonna take you to dinner tomorrow night. 421 00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:12,342 Not gonna spend one last night together in the house? 422 00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,678 -Okay, I think... -Maura, cool it. 423 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,222 It's a done deal. 424 00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,349 Done. 425 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,729 I got lured down here for this? 426 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:26,648 I don't clean up after myself anymore. I'm an adult. 427 00:18:27,441 --> 00:18:28,483 (SIGHS) 428 00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:30,819 This is gonna be deeply painful. 429 00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:31,945 (SIGHS) 430 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,212 Oh, boy. 431 00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:51,715 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 432 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:31,880 (SING-SONG) Holy shit. 433 00:19:31,922 --> 00:19:32,965 Gimme! 434 00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:37,052 Ooh, listen to this. 435 00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:39,096 (READING) "I got in a wreck because I was admiring 436 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,806 "the shoulder hickey that Brett gave me 437 00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,141 "and got t-boned by a parked car. 438 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:46,645 "Brett came over to comfort me and I'm so obsessed with him. 439 00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,397 "His face smells like Sea Breeze 440 00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:51,608 "and his hair is so long that when I make out with him 441 00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:53,402 "I pretend it's a scarf. 442 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:54,945 "P.S. I might be pregnant." 443 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:57,698 That shit is juicy. Read yours. 444 00:19:57,781 --> 00:19:59,116 Okay. 445 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,285 (SNIFFS) 446 00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:05,497 (READING) "I changed the grit on my rock tumbler today. 447 00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,875 "The amethyst is really shaping up. 448 00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:10,711 "I'm gonna mount it in a bolo tie for Dylan. 449 00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:14,298 "He got a new neck brace to stretch his melting vertebrae. 450 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,468 "He loved his birthday card. 451 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:21,597 "Especially how I burnt the edges of the scroll. 452 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,892 "P.S. Crafting heals." 453 00:20:26,435 --> 00:20:27,477 Huh. 454 00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:33,066 KATE: (READING) "Last night at the party, I danced so hard my bra was soaking wet. 455 00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:37,321 "Jeff and I were flirting, and then he said, 'Let me show you something.' 456 00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,699 "So we went to my room, and guess what he showed me? 457 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,910 "A ween that is still wearing its hat." 458 00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:44,494 Mmm. Your turn. 459 00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:47,164 Wow. How many times did you have sex in this house? 460 00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:48,582 KATE: You should have had sex here. 461 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:51,001 Having sex in your childhood bedroom is a rite of passage. 462 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:55,422 You chose the party mom role to protect yourself from fun. 463 00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:56,757 No! I was not afraid of fun. 464 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,050 Here, check this out. 465 00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:00,093 (READING) "Happy birthday to me. 466 00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:02,763 "My party was amazing. I got what I asked for. 467 00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:05,599 "I am now a sponsor of a child in Ecuador. 468 00:21:06,475 --> 00:21:10,354 "I was the designated driver because I could tell no one else wanted to be. 469 00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,857 "My favorite birthday gift was knowing everyone got home safe." 470 00:21:13,941 --> 00:21:16,777 KATE: (READING) "Last night was so fun I can't even talk about it. 471 00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:20,155 "There are no, period, words, period." 472 00:21:20,197 --> 00:21:22,032 Man, I couldn't even talk about it! 473 00:21:22,533 --> 00:21:25,035 (READING) "I took my deaf friend to the Sheila E. concert 474 00:21:25,077 --> 00:21:27,037 "so she could really feel the music. 475 00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:28,455 "She was so grateful. 476 00:21:28,539 --> 00:21:31,708 "I didn't smoke pot because I was afraid there wasn't enough for everyone." 477 00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:32,793 Oh, come on. 478 00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:34,711 I miss those goddamn glory days. 479 00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:37,256 Well, clearly, we had different experiences. 480 00:21:38,382 --> 00:21:41,343 Oh, here's a play-by-play of a Jerry Lewis telethon. 481 00:21:41,385 --> 00:21:43,595 Here's a chart of all the penises I ever saw. 482 00:21:43,679 --> 00:21:45,722 Oh, good. Here's a quote from Helen Keller. 483 00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:48,600 Here's really incorrect information about how to put a IUD in. 484 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,018 Here's a list of my houseplants. 485 00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:51,812 -Put it in my butt. -Ew. 486 00:21:52,271 --> 00:21:54,481 I swear I was having fun. 487 00:21:54,565 --> 00:21:58,402 I guess I was just making sure the house didn't get destroyed. 488 00:21:58,485 --> 00:22:01,738 It's a damn shame that you never had your night here. 489 00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,782 (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH MUSIC BOX) 490 00:22:05,784 --> 00:22:06,869 We cannot have a party. 491 00:22:07,411 --> 00:22:09,454 A party? (SCOFFS) 492 00:22:09,538 --> 00:22:10,747 -That's a great idea. -No. 493 00:22:10,831 --> 00:22:13,250 You can't avoid putting yourself out there forever! 494 00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:15,586 You're gonna dry up like a granny apple doll. 495 00:22:15,627 --> 00:22:16,753 The house is sold. 496 00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:18,922 No, it's not working. 497 00:22:18,964 --> 00:22:20,632 Kate! Don't make that face. 498 00:22:21,091 --> 00:22:24,386 Do not work me like this! I hate it when you make me the bummer. 499 00:22:25,846 --> 00:22:29,600 My life is super shitty right now. I need to feel happy again. 500 00:22:30,392 --> 00:22:31,602 Ah... (GROANS) 501 00:22:31,643 --> 00:22:34,438 Fine. Let's just brush our remaining teeth 502 00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:38,275 and call it a sad, hard day for two dusty old twats. 503 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:39,359 Because we're done. 504 00:22:39,902 --> 00:22:40,986 (SIGHS) 505 00:22:42,279 --> 00:22:43,655 (LULLABY PLAYING THROUGH NIGHTLIGHT) 506 00:22:47,034 --> 00:22:52,289 Also? P.S. It would be such an easy way for you to pop your post-divorce flirt cherry. 507 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:54,791 I would love to see you let it rip. 508 00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:57,211 You're such a fun as shit little sister. 509 00:22:57,294 --> 00:22:59,171 I really am so fun. 510 00:22:59,796 --> 00:23:02,382 -I shouldn't keep that to myself. -No, you shouldn't! 511 00:23:08,555 --> 00:23:10,224 (MUFFLED) I think maybe we should do it. 512 00:23:12,059 --> 00:23:13,060 Can't hear you. 513 00:23:13,143 --> 00:23:14,645 I said maybe we should have a party. 514 00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:16,438 KATE: Say what I wanna hear, girl! 515 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,315 MAURA: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God. I don't know! 516 00:23:18,357 --> 00:23:20,567 Okay, let's do it. (SCREAMS) Let's have a party! 517 00:23:20,651 --> 00:23:22,694 (BOTH CHEERING) 518 00:23:24,071 --> 00:23:25,614 Oh, and you can invite that cute neighbor guy 519 00:23:25,656 --> 00:23:27,366 and you can finally have sex in your old, crappo bed! 520 00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:28,450 Yeah, but he's younger than me. 521 00:23:28,492 --> 00:23:30,327 Yeah, but he's taller than you, and that's all that matters. 522 00:23:30,369 --> 00:23:32,788 Oh, my God. I need this night to reset myself! 523 00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:35,499 (YELLING) We are having a party! 524 00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:37,543 (BOTH YELLING) 525 00:23:41,004 --> 00:23:42,381 (LAUGHS) 526 00:23:43,173 --> 00:23:44,383 (LAUGHS) 527 00:23:45,425 --> 00:23:47,261 (CLOCKS CHIMING) 528 00:23:55,811 --> 00:23:56,895 (MUMBLES) How'd you sleep? 529 00:23:56,979 --> 00:23:59,648 I dreamt I had no job and no place to live. 530 00:23:59,690 --> 00:24:00,774 Oh, wait. 531 00:24:00,858 --> 00:24:03,026 -(CELL PHONE CHIMES) -Got a picture from Haley. 532 00:24:03,694 --> 00:24:06,196 Well, her friend has a fancy-ass fireplace in her house. 533 00:24:06,238 --> 00:24:08,907 MAURA: No, it's one of those Cosi Sandwich Shops. 534 00:24:09,116 --> 00:24:10,576 -(VEHICLE APPROACHING) -Oh. Who the crap is that? 535 00:24:14,496 --> 00:24:16,331 MAURA: Are those the new owners? 536 00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:17,541 KATE: Ew. Fuck my life. MAURA: Gross! 537 00:24:17,583 --> 00:24:20,586 MRS. GEERNT: I want the front yard to be open-concept. 538 00:24:20,669 --> 00:24:21,837 MR. GEERNT: That old tree has gotta go. 539 00:24:22,379 --> 00:24:26,216 Oh, you just try to take down our sister tree, you stupid stinkbug! 540 00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:28,135 KATE: I can smell that bitch's hairspray from here. 541 00:24:28,218 --> 00:24:31,221 No, they can't fucking roll in here like Jehovah's Witnesses! 542 00:24:31,263 --> 00:24:32,347 -(MAURA STAMMERS) -KATE: Rude. 543 00:24:34,266 --> 00:24:35,267 What? 544 00:24:36,310 --> 00:24:37,394 -Can we help you? -Yes. 545 00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:40,063 Our secretary didn't tell us that we had an appointment. 546 00:24:40,147 --> 00:24:42,733 Oh, I'm Patrick Campbell. This is Jane and Henry Geernt. 547 00:24:42,774 --> 00:24:45,319 They're relocating from New York City and buying this house. 548 00:24:45,402 --> 00:24:47,654 So, are you their interpreter? 549 00:24:47,738 --> 00:24:50,115 If so, please tell them hello for us. 550 00:24:50,199 --> 00:24:52,951 They just want to see what these blues look like on the sun porch. 551 00:24:53,076 --> 00:24:54,494 -What do you mean? Sun porch? -PATRICK: Mmm-hmm. 552 00:24:54,953 --> 00:24:56,872 Are you even old enough to get a mortgage? 553 00:24:56,914 --> 00:24:59,416 Oh, yes. But we're buying it with cash. 554 00:24:59,458 --> 00:25:02,794 You're painting the sun porch? No. 555 00:25:02,878 --> 00:25:05,339 It's a little "country" for us. 556 00:25:05,923 --> 00:25:09,801 Can you let your parents know that if things like this aren't fixed by Monday, 557 00:25:09,885 --> 00:25:12,387 we're gonna have a real issue following through with the sale. 558 00:25:13,263 --> 00:25:15,098 -(STAMMERS) -Yeah. That won't be okay. 559 00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:16,266 I got a question. 560 00:25:16,308 --> 00:25:19,603 What percentage of your wardrobe is dry clean only? 561 00:25:19,645 --> 00:25:20,854 Seventy-eight? 562 00:25:21,104 --> 00:25:23,232 You guys seem like you wear a lot of linen. 563 00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:25,734 What kind of hot moron paints a sun porch? 564 00:25:25,776 --> 00:25:28,362 Why don't you just put a toilet in the living room and call it a day? 565 00:25:28,445 --> 00:25:29,446 Crazy! 566 00:25:29,947 --> 00:25:30,989 Is that dress from Target? 567 00:25:31,073 --> 00:25:33,617 -Um, no... -'Cause I've seen one like it at Target. 568 00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:34,952 I've never been there before. 569 00:25:34,993 --> 00:25:36,745 You know there was a murder here, right? 570 00:25:36,787 --> 00:25:38,622 No. What? I don't. 571 00:25:38,664 --> 00:25:39,998 Major cult stuff. Yeah. 572 00:25:40,082 --> 00:25:41,959 What, like a mass murder? 573 00:25:42,042 --> 00:25:44,127 -Seven? -Okay. 574 00:25:44,211 --> 00:25:45,420 Seven sets of twins. 575 00:25:45,462 --> 00:25:47,339 -So, 14. -I'm sorry. What? 576 00:25:47,422 --> 00:25:48,757 You know your cousin's gay, right? 577 00:25:48,799 --> 00:25:50,342 That's not my cousin. That's my husband. 578 00:25:50,425 --> 00:25:51,510 That's your husband? 579 00:25:51,635 --> 00:25:54,137 You're gonna have some surprising shit go down in about 10 years. 580 00:25:54,763 --> 00:25:57,015 You ever feel like maybe you peaked too soon? 581 00:25:57,140 --> 00:25:59,601 -No, I don't. -'Cause it's a long life. 582 00:25:59,643 --> 00:26:03,146 And I would hate to see you out there blowing hobos at 40. 583 00:26:03,272 --> 00:26:04,273 Thank you. 584 00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:05,357 Blue? 585 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,860 What would possess a person to paint stained wood blue? 586 00:26:07,943 --> 00:26:09,736 What, were you raised on a tugboat? 587 00:26:09,820 --> 00:26:13,282 I'll drop off the paint later. Unless you'll be day-napping. 588 00:26:13,323 --> 00:26:15,993 We sleep with our eyes open, like sharks. 589 00:26:19,997 --> 00:26:21,999 KATE: Bye! Nice to meet you! 590 00:26:22,082 --> 00:26:23,166 MAURA: Smell you later. 591 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,419 KATE: What kind of last name is Geernt? 592 00:26:25,502 --> 00:26:27,921 Geernt. Sounds like a queef on a yoga ball. 593 00:26:28,005 --> 00:26:30,674 Yeah. More like the last sound you hear before you shit your pants. 594 00:26:32,217 --> 00:26:33,677 -(YELLS) Oh, my God. -(GASPS) Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 595 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:34,761 (BOTH LAUGH) 596 00:26:34,845 --> 00:26:37,347 MAURA: Okay. Let's start working on those invites. 597 00:26:48,650 --> 00:26:50,944 Okay, let's see who we got. Okay. 598 00:26:51,028 --> 00:26:52,696 KATE: Vicka Bastione. MAURA: Yeah. 599 00:26:53,822 --> 00:26:56,783 No on Alex. He's always on. It's annoying as fuck. 600 00:26:56,867 --> 00:26:59,453 I know. He breaks my heart. He wants to be funny, though. 601 00:26:59,536 --> 00:27:01,330 Yeah, well, people in hell want ice water, too. 602 00:27:02,039 --> 00:27:05,709 Dave. I did him because he disgusted me in a sexy way. 603 00:27:06,126 --> 00:27:08,712 Short Hispanic guys always acted like I was Xena. 604 00:27:09,171 --> 00:27:10,881 I bet he has, like, 50 DUIs right now. 605 00:27:11,632 --> 00:27:14,384 KATE: Brinda is a hard no. 606 00:27:14,426 --> 00:27:16,637 That monster and her minions are not coming. 607 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:17,763 Why is she a monster? 608 00:27:17,846 --> 00:27:19,348 KATE: She knows what she did. 609 00:27:19,431 --> 00:27:20,474 Okay. Rob and Liz! 610 00:27:20,557 --> 00:27:23,060 KATE: They used to have sex in the weirdest places. 611 00:27:23,143 --> 00:27:24,937 MAURA: He took her from behind in line at graduation. 612 00:27:25,437 --> 00:27:28,023 They could use a party. They are terminally suburban. 613 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,067 KATE: Kelly. That bitch is fun. 614 00:27:30,150 --> 00:27:31,318 -Yeah. -Kelly is fun! 615 00:27:31,401 --> 00:27:32,402 Kelly is fun. 616 00:27:33,403 --> 00:27:35,447 (CLICKING) 617 00:27:41,370 --> 00:27:43,580 So, we should go! We have so much to do. 618 00:27:43,664 --> 00:27:45,666 You have to invite that cute guy from down the street. 619 00:27:45,749 --> 00:27:48,877 Mmm. Maybe. I don't know. We'll see. 620 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,976 Have a great day, Fran. 621 00:28:05,269 --> 00:28:07,479 Oh, my God. It's Brinda. 622 00:28:07,604 --> 00:28:08,730 KATE: Ugh... 623 00:28:08,856 --> 00:28:11,275 Brinda always looks like she has a fart coming out sideways. 624 00:28:11,358 --> 00:28:15,863 I feel bad that we didn't invite her. I hate it when people aren't included. 625 00:28:15,946 --> 00:28:17,447 Oh, God. What if she asks us to come to the party? 626 00:28:17,489 --> 00:28:19,116 I'm not gonna be able to say no to her face. 627 00:28:19,199 --> 00:28:21,243 You know I can't reject people. I have a dog with one eye. 628 00:28:21,285 --> 00:28:22,703 Here she comes. She's coming close. She's right here. 629 00:28:22,786 --> 00:28:23,954 She's almost here. She's here now. 630 00:28:24,538 --> 00:28:26,331 Hey, Brinda. What up? 631 00:28:26,415 --> 00:28:28,417 Well, well, well. 632 00:28:28,458 --> 00:28:30,961 I thought I saw the Ellis sisters. 633 00:28:31,003 --> 00:28:33,463 Hey, Brinda. What have you been up to? 634 00:28:33,630 --> 00:28:35,799 Not party-wise, just life in general. 635 00:28:36,550 --> 00:28:39,344 Not much. Just, you know, building a career. 636 00:28:39,428 --> 00:28:44,308 Being successful and having a really full and wonderful life. 637 00:28:44,433 --> 00:28:45,601 I'm very blessed. 638 00:28:45,642 --> 00:28:49,188 I'm sure you've seen around town, I'm a pretty successful realtor now. 639 00:28:49,271 --> 00:28:51,857 I'm plastered all over the bus stops. 640 00:28:51,940 --> 00:28:53,233 -Congratulations. -Thank you. 641 00:28:53,317 --> 00:28:55,444 I thought you were missing. I saw your picture on the bus stop. 642 00:28:55,485 --> 00:28:56,653 I just assumed you were missing. 643 00:28:57,029 --> 00:28:59,323 And you? What are you up to? Nothing? 644 00:29:00,157 --> 00:29:05,913 We are on the way to a shelter to give people this party food. 645 00:29:06,246 --> 00:29:08,207 Oh, is that why you're dressed like the homeless? 646 00:29:08,540 --> 00:29:10,542 What are you buying? Stool softener? 647 00:29:10,626 --> 00:29:12,836 No. Actually, um, Diet Coke. 648 00:29:13,003 --> 00:29:15,130 Got some Poise Pads in there I see. 649 00:29:15,464 --> 00:29:18,008 -Good. Little asshole cream. -No. 650 00:29:18,175 --> 00:29:20,177 Don't you look great. That's a snazzy belt. 651 00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:21,720 Oh, thank you! 652 00:29:21,803 --> 00:29:23,639 Yeah, congrats on your wrestling championship. 653 00:29:24,723 --> 00:29:25,849 It's Ralph Lauren. 654 00:29:25,891 --> 00:29:27,643 -Is that how you say it? -Uh, yeah. 655 00:29:27,935 --> 00:29:29,353 Do you get good Wi-Fi with that? 656 00:29:29,436 --> 00:29:31,355 So I see you're having a party. 657 00:29:31,396 --> 00:29:32,940 I mean, we're just kind of picking... 658 00:29:33,023 --> 00:29:34,525 -Yep. Having a party. -Yeah. 659 00:29:34,608 --> 00:29:36,693 I heard you were having a party. 660 00:29:36,777 --> 00:29:38,737 From someone who got invited. 661 00:29:39,196 --> 00:29:42,074 You were on our list, but you're very hard to track down. 662 00:29:42,157 --> 00:29:43,408 MAURA: Are you on email? 663 00:29:43,492 --> 00:29:45,911 Uh, it's B-dot-rinda... 664 00:29:45,994 --> 00:29:48,372 That's what I did wrong. I forgot the dot. 665 00:29:48,413 --> 00:29:49,873 -And we forgot to type it. -(STAMMERING) 666 00:29:49,915 --> 00:29:51,875 And also we didn't send it. 667 00:29:51,917 --> 00:29:53,377 (CHUCKLES) I must admit, 668 00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:55,546 when I heard you were having an Ellis Island party 669 00:29:55,629 --> 00:29:58,048 I was like, "What? What year is it?" 670 00:29:58,131 --> 00:30:00,259 It's pretty sad. 671 00:30:00,342 --> 00:30:04,012 It used to hurt me when you never invited me to any of your parties, 672 00:30:04,096 --> 00:30:08,308 but I did a lot of thinking and a little bit of prayer, 673 00:30:09,226 --> 00:30:11,353 and now I just feel sort of bad for you two. 674 00:30:11,687 --> 00:30:13,897 You know, because it's such a desperate event. 675 00:30:15,941 --> 00:30:18,026 (LAUGHS) Bye. 676 00:30:20,445 --> 00:30:22,155 You're a desperate event! 677 00:30:22,239 --> 00:30:23,282 I can still hear you! 678 00:30:23,907 --> 00:30:25,284 KATE: Good. Can you hear this? 679 00:30:25,367 --> 00:30:26,994 Suck a fucking bag of dicks! 680 00:30:27,077 --> 00:30:28,245 She can't hear that. 681 00:30:28,287 --> 00:30:30,873 KATE: Strutting around Big Lots like it's Bloomingdale's 682 00:30:30,914 --> 00:30:32,291 in her bullshit shoes. 683 00:30:32,374 --> 00:30:35,127 Real estate bitch acting like Suze Orman. 684 00:30:35,210 --> 00:30:37,129 You know what she has? Crabs in her eyebrows. 685 00:30:37,629 --> 00:30:39,923 Tumbleweeds rolling across her beav. 686 00:30:40,007 --> 00:30:42,968 I am done wasting words on that ho. 687 00:30:43,051 --> 00:30:45,220 -I'm sorry, Vicky. -Don't apologize for me. 688 00:30:46,221 --> 00:30:47,723 Is Vicky your real name? 689 00:30:48,932 --> 00:30:50,392 What's your Korean name? 690 00:30:54,146 --> 00:30:55,480 (WHISPERS) Hae-Won. 691 00:30:55,606 --> 00:30:58,192 Hae-Won. What a beautiful name. What does that mean? 692 00:30:58,567 --> 00:31:00,110 Hae-Won mean "head." 693 00:31:00,277 --> 00:31:01,361 Oh. 694 00:31:02,529 --> 00:31:05,616 Hae-Won? Am I saying it correctly? 695 00:31:05,657 --> 00:31:06,783 Hae-Won. 696 00:31:06,867 --> 00:31:08,368 Oh, Hae-Won. 697 00:31:08,452 --> 00:31:10,704 No. Hae-Won. 698 00:31:10,787 --> 00:31:11,955 Hae-Won. 699 00:31:12,039 --> 00:31:15,042 Not Hae-Won. Hae-Won. 700 00:31:15,167 --> 00:31:17,586 -Hae-Won. -No. Hae-Won. 701 00:31:17,711 --> 00:31:19,379 -Hae-Won. -Hae-Won. 702 00:31:19,463 --> 00:31:21,965 -Hae-Won. -Hae-Won. 703 00:31:22,007 --> 00:31:24,301 I feel like I'm saying it right. No? 704 00:31:24,384 --> 00:31:26,470 I'm too high. (DEEP VOICE) Hae-Hae-Won. 705 00:31:27,262 --> 00:31:28,305 Yes. 706 00:31:29,014 --> 00:31:30,474 It's not coming out right, but I'll get it. 707 00:31:30,557 --> 00:31:33,310 Like, "I'm having fun at party." 708 00:31:33,393 --> 00:31:36,104 "Hey." Plus "one." 709 00:31:36,813 --> 00:31:39,525 Hey one. 710 00:31:39,608 --> 00:31:41,193 -So you like parties. -HAE-WON: Yes. 711 00:31:41,276 --> 00:31:42,319 Hmm. 712 00:31:42,361 --> 00:31:45,197 -Your name? -Oh, my name is Maura. 713 00:31:45,322 --> 00:31:46,657 Maura. 714 00:31:46,823 --> 00:31:48,033 Watch me. Maura. 715 00:31:48,116 --> 00:31:49,493 (GROWLING) Maura. 716 00:31:49,576 --> 00:31:52,162 I don't open my mouth like that. (CHUCKLES) Just, Maura. 717 00:31:52,204 --> 00:31:53,330 Maura. 718 00:31:53,455 --> 00:31:55,332 It's not Maura. 719 00:31:55,624 --> 00:31:58,168 You see the difference in my mouth? Maura. 720 00:31:58,252 --> 00:31:59,378 (GROWLING) Maura. 721 00:31:59,461 --> 00:32:00,879 We have different mouths. 722 00:32:00,963 --> 00:32:02,339 It's okay. 723 00:32:05,259 --> 00:32:09,096 Why do they always have to give them American names? It's so sad. 724 00:32:09,179 --> 00:32:12,432 I bet Nail Pimp Daddy over there treats them like his whores. 725 00:32:12,516 --> 00:32:14,434 -We need to get Lucy Liu to go under... -Lisa Ling. 726 00:32:14,518 --> 00:32:17,855 Lisa Ling to go undercover and investigate these dirty-ass nail salons. 727 00:32:17,896 --> 00:32:21,441 But they are hiring and you are licensed to do nails. 728 00:32:21,567 --> 00:32:24,528 I don't wanna work here. They have a bass in their aquarium. 729 00:32:24,611 --> 00:32:27,364 It's beautiful here. Everything smells like lavender. 730 00:32:27,406 --> 00:32:29,867 Plus, you could teach them a lot, because you know your shit. 731 00:32:29,950 --> 00:32:31,034 I do know my shit. 732 00:32:31,118 --> 00:32:33,829 I could French manicure a chicken while it was running away. 733 00:32:35,414 --> 00:32:37,583 Guess I could get something better once we're settled, right? 734 00:32:37,708 --> 00:32:41,128 Exactly! And then just wait until you get that better job 735 00:32:41,211 --> 00:32:42,671 before you quit this one. 736 00:32:43,547 --> 00:32:45,716 I'm open to new ways. 737 00:32:48,010 --> 00:32:49,011 Your sister? 738 00:32:49,052 --> 00:32:50,053 Yes, that's my sister. 739 00:32:50,387 --> 00:32:51,388 You're older. 740 00:32:52,097 --> 00:32:53,098 -No. -Yes. 741 00:32:54,433 --> 00:32:55,517 Why would you say that? 742 00:32:55,893 --> 00:32:56,894 Your face. 743 00:32:57,144 --> 00:32:58,145 Oh. 744 00:32:58,312 --> 00:32:59,313 Older. 745 00:32:59,605 --> 00:33:00,606 -No. -Yes. 746 00:33:00,731 --> 00:33:01,732 Okay. 747 00:33:03,734 --> 00:33:05,861 (SIGHS) So, do you like working here? 748 00:33:05,903 --> 00:33:07,112 I love it. 749 00:33:08,989 --> 00:33:10,741 Do you get proper lunch breaks? 750 00:33:10,782 --> 00:33:11,867 What is lunch? 751 00:33:12,743 --> 00:33:14,661 Oh, my God. That's terrible. 752 00:33:14,953 --> 00:33:16,079 Hey. 753 00:33:16,121 --> 00:33:18,248 Thank you so much for this. This is a great place. 754 00:33:18,332 --> 00:33:19,958 NAIL SALON OWNER: Of course. 755 00:33:22,127 --> 00:33:24,087 So, uh, I see you're hiring. 756 00:33:26,715 --> 00:33:28,842 Oh, we are not hiring right now. 757 00:33:29,927 --> 00:33:32,095 You just got a big old sign. 758 00:33:32,429 --> 00:33:35,724 Hey, Hae-Won. Would you like to come to a party tonight? 759 00:33:36,308 --> 00:33:38,435 You and your friends come, okay? 760 00:33:38,519 --> 00:33:39,645 To do nail? 761 00:33:39,728 --> 00:33:42,105 Oh, no. No, no, no. Party? 762 00:33:42,189 --> 00:33:43,607 You can bring whoever you want. 763 00:33:43,690 --> 00:33:45,108 Party, yes. 764 00:33:46,026 --> 00:33:48,362 -Sojus. -Jews. 765 00:33:48,445 --> 00:33:50,697 -Soju there? -Sure. There'll be Jews there. 766 00:33:50,781 --> 00:33:53,951 I love jus. Koreans love jus. 767 00:33:54,034 --> 00:33:55,118 Koreans love Jews. 768 00:33:55,202 --> 00:33:56,995 -I love jus. -I love Jews, too. 769 00:33:57,079 --> 00:33:58,121 Jus. 770 00:33:58,163 --> 00:34:01,208 Adam is thinking of coming, and Gabe is on the fence, so... 771 00:34:01,291 --> 00:34:02,376 Soju. 772 00:34:02,459 --> 00:34:04,586 I'm worried we aren't talking about the same thing. 773 00:34:05,546 --> 00:34:07,422 -Juice. Drinking juice. -HAE-WON: Jus. 774 00:34:07,464 --> 00:34:08,799 You stupid. 775 00:34:08,882 --> 00:34:11,592 There'll be juice there. There'll be food there. There'll be Jews there. 776 00:34:11,635 --> 00:34:13,136 -Okay. Yes. -Great. 777 00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:16,223 Okay, listen. My daughter and I are moving to Orlando 778 00:34:16,306 --> 00:34:18,516 and I really need a job. 779 00:34:18,684 --> 00:34:20,143 Oh, no. 780 00:34:23,647 --> 00:34:26,567 Okay, look. Just smile and shake my hand like you gave me a job 781 00:34:26,650 --> 00:34:28,150 and I will text you a picture of my boobs. 782 00:34:28,235 --> 00:34:29,902 Real good ones. High and happy. 783 00:34:30,362 --> 00:34:32,072 No? I misread your deal. 784 00:34:32,155 --> 00:34:33,364 Smile and shake my hand 785 00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:35,659 (WHISPERING) or I will text you a picture of my boobs, 786 00:34:35,701 --> 00:34:37,202 and I know you don't wanna see them. 787 00:34:37,286 --> 00:34:38,411 (CHUCKLES) 788 00:34:39,161 --> 00:34:41,373 Awesome! Thank you, Vicky. 789 00:34:41,456 --> 00:34:44,001 I will see you on Monday. 790 00:34:44,751 --> 00:34:46,460 Boom! I got a job. 791 00:34:46,503 --> 00:34:49,672 And look what I pulled out of your wallet. "Success is desire in action." 792 00:34:49,755 --> 00:34:51,675 Amazing! You're crushing it! 793 00:34:51,717 --> 00:34:52,759 Whoo! 794 00:34:52,842 --> 00:34:54,178 KATE: We need to cancel dinner with Mom and Dad. 795 00:34:54,219 --> 00:34:57,139 What if we lie to Mom and Dad and then they die in their sleep? 796 00:34:57,222 --> 00:34:59,266 Don't let them smell your guilt. 797 00:34:59,349 --> 00:35:00,350 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 798 00:35:01,018 --> 00:35:02,186 Girls. 799 00:35:02,227 --> 00:35:04,146 Hey, Mom, we are doing so much work over there 800 00:35:04,188 --> 00:35:06,356 and doing nothing else, and I am telling the truth. 801 00:35:07,232 --> 00:35:08,275 Well. 802 00:35:08,859 --> 00:35:13,030 I was just, um, putting the silverware in the drawers here. 803 00:35:13,071 --> 00:35:14,948 Hey, we can't have dinner tonight. 804 00:35:15,032 --> 00:35:19,661 Yeah, because we're in such packing mode we don't wanna stop our groove. 805 00:35:20,370 --> 00:35:21,622 Sounds good! 806 00:35:35,469 --> 00:35:36,470 Oh. 807 00:35:36,553 --> 00:35:38,514 No. We've... 808 00:35:38,555 --> 00:35:39,681 Okay! 809 00:35:39,723 --> 00:35:41,099 -KATE: Bye. -We're leaving! 810 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,727 Did we just cock block our parents? 811 00:35:43,769 --> 00:35:45,395 They were fresh off the sex griddle. 812 00:35:45,437 --> 00:35:47,439 There was so much color in her face. 813 00:35:49,399 --> 00:35:52,653 Hey, see you tonight! You know, I'm laying down a bread base. (CHUCKLES) 814 00:35:52,736 --> 00:35:54,821 So I wanna stop by Sam and Cray's house, real quick. 815 00:35:54,905 --> 00:35:56,782 Oh, I haven't seen those homos since high school! 816 00:35:56,865 --> 00:35:57,866 I know. 817 00:35:57,908 --> 00:36:00,577 They said that we could borrow those cool chairs they had at their wedding. 818 00:36:00,619 --> 00:36:02,329 Gays know how to throw a party. 819 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:06,458 Go to Costco, get a pan of hot wings. 820 00:36:06,542 --> 00:36:08,669 Get some big, basic salamis. 821 00:36:08,752 --> 00:36:10,921 Or just make a fuckload of potato salad. 822 00:36:11,463 --> 00:36:12,756 With Tostitos Scoops. 823 00:36:12,798 --> 00:36:14,591 It's like a spoon you can eat. 824 00:36:15,801 --> 00:36:20,097 Obviously, it's the gay men who have the great party ideas. 825 00:36:20,180 --> 00:36:23,767 I wish being gay was a choice because I always did like that shorts and boots look. 826 00:36:23,851 --> 00:36:24,852 Yeah, I don't know. 827 00:36:24,935 --> 00:36:26,854 For me, the deal breaker might be the eating of the pussy. 828 00:36:26,937 --> 00:36:30,649 Oh, really? Because for me it would just be the fucking unbearable amount of talking. 829 00:36:30,732 --> 00:36:31,775 Bye, guys! 830 00:36:33,402 --> 00:36:35,445 (EASY LISTENING MUSIC PLAYING) 831 00:36:39,575 --> 00:36:40,993 Hmm, what do you think, Brayla? 832 00:36:41,076 --> 00:36:43,203 That looks amazing on you. 833 00:36:43,287 --> 00:36:45,455 I never met a Brayla before. 834 00:36:45,581 --> 00:36:46,957 I know, like, three. 835 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,626 Oh, so you're trending. God bless. 836 00:36:49,710 --> 00:36:54,631 You know, it's a lot of under teat but I think I'm getting away with it. 837 00:36:54,673 --> 00:36:56,425 Also it's, um, on backwards. 838 00:36:59,303 --> 00:37:01,096 -You think? -Yeah. 839 00:37:01,889 --> 00:37:02,931 How's it going in there? 840 00:37:03,473 --> 00:37:05,350 I don't get this dress. 841 00:37:05,434 --> 00:37:07,811 One of my apples keeps rolling out of the bag. 842 00:37:08,645 --> 00:37:11,607 But I like the story it tells with the fringe. 843 00:37:11,648 --> 00:37:13,150 You're gonna have to rock a thong with this, though. 844 00:37:13,192 --> 00:37:16,153 Oh, no, I don't wear thongs. I have a very fussy taint. 845 00:37:16,236 --> 00:37:18,572 You just have to build up a callus. Right, Brayla? 846 00:37:19,072 --> 00:37:21,074 That looks amazing on you. 847 00:37:21,158 --> 00:37:23,911 I worry that she just wants the sale. She's not telling us the truth. 848 00:37:23,994 --> 00:37:25,495 No. Brayla has no pleasure center in her brain. 849 00:37:25,579 --> 00:37:27,039 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 850 00:37:27,664 --> 00:37:28,832 Oh, here we go. 851 00:37:28,874 --> 00:37:31,960 Haley! How-slash-where are you? 852 00:37:32,002 --> 00:37:33,462 HALEY: You can trust me. 853 00:37:33,504 --> 00:37:34,838 I am at a friend's house. 854 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:36,673 So I got your text message 855 00:37:36,715 --> 00:37:40,302 about moving in with Gram and Gramps, and you know I love Orlando. 856 00:37:40,344 --> 00:37:42,095 I'm super excited about this! 857 00:37:42,513 --> 00:37:44,640 Yeah, you know what? I was real excited about it, too, 858 00:37:44,723 --> 00:37:47,976 and it turns out that Gram and Gramps are selling their house. 859 00:37:48,018 --> 00:37:49,061 Oh... 860 00:37:49,228 --> 00:37:52,356 Okay, I like that it has a strong message, 861 00:37:52,397 --> 00:37:54,525 but I am afraid that I'm gonna zip my bush up in there. 862 00:37:54,566 --> 00:37:58,195 We can still make Orlando happen. I promise, I will find another way. 863 00:37:59,863 --> 00:38:01,323 Don't be upset. 864 00:38:01,907 --> 00:38:03,408 Okay, give it to me. 865 00:38:03,492 --> 00:38:05,285 -Hey, honey. It's Maura. -Hey. 866 00:38:05,369 --> 00:38:07,663 Listen, your mom forgot to tell you the most important part, 867 00:38:07,704 --> 00:38:12,209 which is that she got a job out here at a very fancy nail salon. 868 00:38:12,251 --> 00:38:13,544 -Really? -MAURA: Yes. 869 00:38:13,710 --> 00:38:14,795 Try something on. 870 00:38:14,878 --> 00:38:19,675 So I think maybe you should come here earlier next week, and surprise her. 871 00:38:20,342 --> 00:38:21,593 She really misses you. 872 00:38:21,677 --> 00:38:24,137 Aunt Maura, I don't know. I don't know. 873 00:38:24,513 --> 00:38:27,057 Haley, I know I said that I was going to help you for a while, 874 00:38:27,140 --> 00:38:29,434 but now you have to get back with your mother. 875 00:38:29,518 --> 00:38:31,019 I hate keeping secrets. 876 00:38:31,186 --> 00:38:34,439 Especially from my sister. It gives me guilt diarrhea. 877 00:38:34,565 --> 00:38:36,900 Okay. But what should I do with Polenta? 878 00:38:38,694 --> 00:38:41,113 MAURA: The dog-sitter's number is on the counter. 879 00:38:41,238 --> 00:38:44,783 Use my credit card, and get a flight, and come here. 880 00:38:44,867 --> 00:38:47,077 It's gonna work this time, honey, I promise. 881 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:48,579 Okay, if you think so. 882 00:38:49,580 --> 00:38:50,914 -I love you. -Love you, too. 883 00:38:50,956 --> 00:38:51,957 HALEY: Bye. 884 00:38:53,417 --> 00:38:55,502 Haley's good. It's all fine. 885 00:38:55,752 --> 00:38:57,671 Aw. That's awesome. Thanks. 886 00:38:57,754 --> 00:39:00,340 These dresses are made for Chinese tomboys, by the way. 887 00:39:00,424 --> 00:39:01,633 I don't know about that one. 888 00:39:01,717 --> 00:39:03,594 Really, because what about this part? 889 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,262 (VOCALIZES) 890 00:39:05,929 --> 00:39:09,016 -That's a Play-Doh Fun Factory right there. -Ooh. 891 00:39:09,099 --> 00:39:11,435 -And the eye goes right to it. -Yeah, look at that. 892 00:39:11,476 --> 00:39:13,478 (VOCALIZES) 893 00:39:14,855 --> 00:39:19,067 That is flesh, and dudes like that. They don't care what thing it's coming out of. 894 00:39:19,109 --> 00:39:20,277 MAURA: This dress smells like pickles. 895 00:39:20,319 --> 00:39:21,320 Better work. 896 00:39:21,403 --> 00:39:22,905 It just feels like it's maybe one or the other. 897 00:39:22,946 --> 00:39:24,865 I think it's what they call "either/and." 898 00:39:24,948 --> 00:39:26,325 No, I don't. Well... 899 00:39:26,408 --> 00:39:28,285 Right, Brayla? Brayla, where you from? 900 00:39:28,327 --> 00:39:30,579 -That looks amazing on you. -BOTH: Mmm-hmm. 901 00:39:31,121 --> 00:39:33,415 We got to find another store, they can't handle our heat here. 902 00:39:33,457 --> 00:39:37,878 God. We need, like, a little less "Forever 21" and a little more "Suddenly 42." 903 00:39:37,961 --> 00:39:40,506 Yeah. We are keeping it tight. 904 00:39:40,589 --> 00:39:42,799 It is tight. This is very tight. 905 00:39:42,841 --> 00:39:44,718 Here, give me a kiss. 906 00:39:44,801 --> 00:39:46,887 (KISSING) 907 00:39:49,473 --> 00:39:51,099 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) 908 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,936 MAURA: Wait. Where are we going? KATE: One last errand. 909 00:39:58,357 --> 00:39:59,900 -Get it, girl. -What? 910 00:40:00,776 --> 00:40:04,196 Oh, my God. Damn it. I knew it! You never offer to drive. 911 00:40:04,279 --> 00:40:07,658 Ask him. "Desire needs action," or whatever the fuck that one said. 912 00:40:07,783 --> 00:40:10,494 I don't have my good bra on. I have beef jerky breath. 913 00:40:10,994 --> 00:40:12,538 Okay. Okay. 914 00:40:13,539 --> 00:40:14,873 -Hi. -Hi. 915 00:40:16,208 --> 00:40:19,545 I'm, uh, Maura, from yonder there. 916 00:40:19,628 --> 00:40:22,631 My sister and I objectified you yesterday? 917 00:40:22,673 --> 00:40:24,091 I remember you. 918 00:40:24,174 --> 00:40:26,093 -I'm James. -Hi, James. 919 00:40:26,885 --> 00:40:27,970 Do you go by Jimmy? 920 00:40:28,011 --> 00:40:30,389 Usually James, sometimes James. 921 00:40:30,472 --> 00:40:33,183 Well, just wanted to say hello. And that's all I got, so. 922 00:40:34,226 --> 00:40:35,435 (HORN HONKING) 923 00:40:37,521 --> 00:40:38,939 (CHUCKLES) Uh... 924 00:40:39,690 --> 00:40:41,650 Would you borrow me your bathroom? 925 00:40:42,901 --> 00:40:44,152 Number one only. 926 00:40:44,194 --> 00:40:46,697 Of course, come in. You can do whatever you want in there, really. 927 00:40:46,780 --> 00:40:47,906 MAURA: Wow. 928 00:40:47,990 --> 00:40:51,201 I am actually just renovating it, I'm gonna put it on the market. 929 00:40:51,326 --> 00:40:53,704 -Wow. You're doing a really nice job. -Oh, thank you. 930 00:40:54,371 --> 00:40:57,207 It was my parents' house, but they passed away within a year of each other. 931 00:40:57,249 --> 00:40:59,543 Oh, my God. That's horrible. 932 00:41:00,169 --> 00:41:02,296 Yeah. Yeah, it was really sad. 933 00:41:04,756 --> 00:41:05,799 Are you gonna be okay? 934 00:41:06,550 --> 00:41:08,886 I'm sorry. It's just that's, like, my worst fear. 935 00:41:09,011 --> 00:41:12,139 (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry I told you. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. 936 00:41:12,556 --> 00:41:13,932 My legs just went numb. 937 00:41:14,725 --> 00:41:16,059 I'll be okay. 938 00:41:16,101 --> 00:41:17,394 Uh, do you still need the bathroom? 939 00:41:17,561 --> 00:41:18,645 I think I'm too sad to go now. 940 00:41:18,937 --> 00:41:19,938 Yeah, of course. 941 00:41:20,355 --> 00:41:21,648 Okay. 942 00:41:21,732 --> 00:41:23,192 (SIGHS) Hey, who's this guy? 943 00:41:23,233 --> 00:41:25,903 Oh, that's Mashed Potatoes. 944 00:41:25,944 --> 00:41:27,196 I'm pretty mad at him right now. 945 00:41:27,404 --> 00:41:28,864 Hey! 946 00:41:31,116 --> 00:41:36,330 Would you like to flank me at a party that I'm attending at my own house tonight? 947 00:41:36,413 --> 00:41:37,497 Him or me? 948 00:41:38,624 --> 00:41:39,833 -Oh, you. -Yeah, yeah. 949 00:41:40,542 --> 00:41:41,919 Ah, maybe. What time? 950 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,254 8:30. 8:45. 9:00. 951 00:41:44,296 --> 00:41:46,673 You know, it doesn't matter. I'm pretty laid back. 952 00:41:46,757 --> 00:41:50,385 Okay, okay. Let me just, uh, check my calendar real quick. 953 00:41:50,427 --> 00:41:52,054 You're lucky. I am free. 954 00:41:52,095 --> 00:41:53,931 (IN FAKE ITALIAN ACCENT) Well, that's a good news! 955 00:41:55,265 --> 00:41:57,559 I'm not Italian. I don't know why I said it like that. 956 00:41:57,601 --> 00:41:59,228 No, I like Italians. 957 00:41:59,269 --> 00:42:00,938 Okay. I'm half-Italian. 958 00:42:01,063 --> 00:42:02,231 No, I'm not. That was a lie. 959 00:42:02,648 --> 00:42:06,902 So, then I... There, yeah. Okay. 960 00:42:07,152 --> 00:42:08,946 You will come to the party 961 00:42:08,987 --> 00:42:11,657 and I cannot stop trailing off. 962 00:42:12,366 --> 00:42:13,575 -All right. -But I will now. 963 00:42:13,617 --> 00:42:19,122 I'm just gonna casually George Jefferson my way out of here. 964 00:42:19,289 --> 00:42:20,457 To you. 965 00:42:20,499 --> 00:42:26,129 And just gonna ease on down the road and re-run it to the car. 966 00:42:26,630 --> 00:42:28,131 -Okay, goodbye. -JAMES: Oh! 967 00:42:29,007 --> 00:42:30,551 (CHUCKLES) 968 00:42:34,972 --> 00:42:36,306 Bye! 969 00:42:36,348 --> 00:42:37,474 MAURA: Kate, let me in. 970 00:42:39,518 --> 00:42:40,644 Oh, hello. 971 00:42:40,769 --> 00:42:41,895 Hi. Why? 972 00:42:41,979 --> 00:42:43,814 We were measuring for a pergola. 973 00:42:43,939 --> 00:42:46,900 -What, like Polish food? -I'm sorry, are you having a party here? 974 00:42:47,150 --> 00:42:48,443 -Nope. -Nope. 975 00:42:48,485 --> 00:42:50,988 It really looks like you're having a party. 976 00:42:51,029 --> 00:42:53,282 Oh, gosh. I hate to make you feel like a dick, 977 00:42:53,323 --> 00:42:55,868 but this is actually for a wake. 978 00:42:55,951 --> 00:42:58,203 I am very sorry to hear that. 979 00:42:58,287 --> 00:43:02,040 Yeah. We always told our cousin, "Don't play on the tracks." 980 00:43:02,124 --> 00:43:03,292 Dear God. 981 00:43:03,333 --> 00:43:04,710 I'm so sorry for your loss. 982 00:43:04,793 --> 00:43:06,670 Obviously, our cousin was a dumbass. 983 00:43:07,713 --> 00:43:09,047 -But we will miss her. -Him. 984 00:43:09,131 --> 00:43:10,716 Herm. His name was Herm. 985 00:43:10,799 --> 00:43:12,926 KATE: They found his head, like, a mile away. 986 00:43:13,010 --> 00:43:15,179 I think he's probably gonna haunt the house forever. 987 00:43:15,220 --> 00:43:17,055 -Headless and angry. -Yeah. 988 00:43:18,015 --> 00:43:19,725 MR. GEERNT: I am not buying that bull waste. 989 00:43:19,808 --> 00:43:21,435 KATE: That's a girl's belt. 990 00:43:21,518 --> 00:43:24,354 Rich people can just decide to move somewhere. 991 00:43:24,396 --> 00:43:26,607 Choke on a roll of cash. 992 00:43:26,690 --> 00:43:27,733 So I've been thinking. 993 00:43:27,816 --> 00:43:28,859 Why? 994 00:43:28,901 --> 00:43:31,528 You've asserted yourself, and you got a job, 995 00:43:31,653 --> 00:43:34,656 so maybe I could give you a loan. 996 00:43:34,698 --> 00:43:36,241 To get a new place. 997 00:43:36,325 --> 00:43:38,577 When you say, "loan," do you mean the kind you pay back, 998 00:43:38,660 --> 00:43:40,996 or, like, a "wink-wink" loan? 999 00:43:41,038 --> 00:43:42,289 All loans are supposed to be paid back. 1000 00:43:42,372 --> 00:43:43,624 Not in my experience. 1001 00:43:43,707 --> 00:43:45,542 But you can do that now because you have a job. 1002 00:43:45,584 --> 00:43:47,669 (SING-SONG) I do. 1003 00:43:47,711 --> 00:43:51,215 That is an awesome offer. All right! 1004 00:43:51,256 --> 00:43:52,508 Okay, wait. 1005 00:43:52,549 --> 00:43:55,802 I am going to ask you for something in return for the money, 1006 00:43:55,886 --> 00:43:58,639 and I don't want you to think that this loan is contingent on that, 1007 00:43:58,722 --> 00:44:02,601 but I will say that if you don't do it, I feel like I might not give you the money. 1008 00:44:02,684 --> 00:44:03,936 Okay. Great. What? 1009 00:44:04,019 --> 00:44:05,646 (EXHALES) 1010 00:44:07,022 --> 00:44:09,691 It's a lot harder than I thought. Just give me a minute. 1011 00:44:11,735 --> 00:44:13,779 Will you be the party mom tonight? 1012 00:44:14,321 --> 00:44:16,073 So I can let my freak flag fly? 1013 00:44:17,074 --> 00:44:18,492 I would love to. 1014 00:44:18,575 --> 00:44:19,576 Yeah? 1015 00:44:21,036 --> 00:44:23,121 Because your face is telling me something else. 1016 00:44:24,081 --> 00:44:25,582 That would bring me joy. 1017 00:44:26,458 --> 00:44:28,836 You know what? Forget it. It'll just get screwed up. I'll do it. 1018 00:44:28,919 --> 00:44:30,254 You don't think I can take care of people? 1019 00:44:30,337 --> 00:44:33,549 I am an actual mom! I got this! 1020 00:44:33,590 --> 00:44:35,551 Okay, but the party mom can't drink. 1021 00:44:35,592 --> 00:44:37,845 What fresh fuckery is that? 1022 00:44:37,928 --> 00:44:40,138 Does a mother drink at her kid's birthday party? 1023 00:44:40,222 --> 00:44:41,807 Yeah, if there's a lifeguard. 1024 00:44:41,890 --> 00:44:43,183 No. 1025 00:44:43,267 --> 00:44:45,018 It's okay. I don't mind. 1026 00:44:45,102 --> 00:44:47,521 Forget it. I'll be fine. It's okay. 1027 00:44:47,604 --> 00:44:48,730 (SIGHS) 1028 00:44:55,195 --> 00:44:58,365 Okay. I won't drink tonight. You groin it up. 1029 00:44:58,448 --> 00:44:59,950 I'll be you. You be me. 1030 00:44:59,992 --> 00:45:02,870 Oh, my God. So many red flags! Okay. Let's do this! (SHRIEKS) 1031 00:45:03,662 --> 00:45:08,250 When you're flirting with Mr. Man, don't weave your divorce tale. 1032 00:45:08,542 --> 00:45:11,503 Drunk people like to show off with fire. Shut it down. 1033 00:45:12,087 --> 00:45:15,924 Over-pronounce things, because he is gonna be watching your mouth. 1034 00:45:16,842 --> 00:45:19,261 Remember, don't leave someone when they're throwing up. 1035 00:45:19,303 --> 00:45:20,679 Sleep-barfing kills. 1036 00:45:21,138 --> 00:45:23,765 Once you're in the bedroom, 1037 00:45:23,807 --> 00:45:27,186 lock the door so I can't burst in and take a commemorative picture. 1038 00:45:28,145 --> 00:45:29,438 (SQUEAKING) 1039 00:45:29,479 --> 00:45:32,274 Kate, can you clean up this gel, please? 1040 00:45:32,316 --> 00:45:34,067 Yes! Stop asking me about it. 1041 00:45:43,702 --> 00:45:45,746 (CLOCK CHIMING) 1042 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:53,337 It's that scary time when you're afraid that no one will show up. 1043 00:45:53,837 --> 00:45:56,256 -It's 8:32. People aren't gonna... -(DOORBELL RINGS) 1044 00:45:58,383 --> 00:46:01,303 Take it, girl. This is your show. 1045 00:46:04,848 --> 00:46:05,891 Hey. 1046 00:46:05,974 --> 00:46:08,101 -Hey! Hi! -Hey! 1047 00:46:08,185 --> 00:46:10,395 It's Rob and Liz. And their son. 1048 00:46:10,479 --> 00:46:11,522 KATE: Nope. 1049 00:46:11,563 --> 00:46:12,731 Not happening. No kids. 1050 00:46:12,814 --> 00:46:14,441 Yeah, he can just watch TV downstairs. 1051 00:46:14,525 --> 00:46:16,193 No. Him got to go. 1052 00:46:16,235 --> 00:46:18,487 Yeah. Sorry, there's just too many things he could ingest. 1053 00:46:19,696 --> 00:46:21,031 Um... 1054 00:46:21,532 --> 00:46:22,699 We'll be back. 1055 00:46:22,741 --> 00:46:25,369 Chase, we are gonna go see Nana. 1056 00:46:25,452 --> 00:46:27,037 -Yeah. Yeah. -Yay! (CHUCKLES) 1057 00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:28,372 ROB: You remember her, right? 1058 00:46:28,455 --> 00:46:30,582 Damn. Adults are on time, huh? 1059 00:46:30,666 --> 00:46:31,667 MAURA: Yeah. 1060 00:46:32,084 --> 00:46:34,044 Why is Alex walking up our driveway? 1061 00:46:34,127 --> 00:46:37,464 I'm so sorry. I invited him, because I feel bad for him. He's very lonely. 1062 00:46:37,548 --> 00:46:39,883 Knock, knock. Who's there? 1063 00:46:39,925 --> 00:46:42,177 Duane! Duane who? 1064 00:46:42,219 --> 00:46:43,554 Duane the bathtub. 1065 00:46:43,637 --> 00:46:46,640 I'm dwowning! 1066 00:46:47,766 --> 00:46:48,892 (ALL LAUGHING) 1067 00:46:48,934 --> 00:46:50,227 You still got it! 1068 00:46:50,269 --> 00:46:52,604 May I please have a beverage? 1069 00:46:52,688 --> 00:46:53,814 (CHUCKLES) 1070 00:46:54,064 --> 00:46:56,066 (EXCLAIMS) Sanctuary! Mmm. 1071 00:46:57,109 --> 00:46:58,986 Wow! 1072 00:46:59,069 --> 00:47:02,030 Welcome to Jurassic Park! 1073 00:47:02,072 --> 00:47:03,740 (IMITATES VELOCIRAPTOR) 1074 00:47:03,824 --> 00:47:06,201 Christ, he is immediately exhausting. 1075 00:47:06,243 --> 00:47:08,704 -DAVE: Hello there. -Fun train pulling in! 1076 00:47:08,745 --> 00:47:09,872 (IMITATING TRAIN WHISTLE) Booze, booze! 1077 00:47:09,913 --> 00:47:11,290 Whoo-hoo! 1078 00:47:11,373 --> 00:47:12,916 (IMITATING TRAIN CHUGGING) 1079 00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,127 (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) 1080 00:47:17,504 --> 00:47:21,758 And when my dad finally died, he actually glowed. 1081 00:47:23,927 --> 00:47:25,554 -Kelly! -Ugh! 1082 00:47:25,596 --> 00:47:27,181 When did we all get so old? 1083 00:47:27,264 --> 00:47:29,141 I mean, at least the women are making an effort, 1084 00:47:29,224 --> 00:47:30,726 but the men here? 1085 00:47:30,767 --> 00:47:33,353 Look like they're being slowly poisoned. 1086 00:47:33,979 --> 00:47:37,441 I think it's about how you feel, right? 1087 00:47:37,482 --> 00:47:39,193 Done. You know? 1088 00:47:40,277 --> 00:47:42,154 Best days behind us. Right, guys? 1089 00:47:42,237 --> 00:47:46,283 I don't know. You might live like another eight or 10 years, Kelly. 1090 00:47:46,366 --> 00:47:48,202 You don't wanna be looking at it like that. 1091 00:47:48,285 --> 00:47:49,912 -Chase was like a 10-pound baby. -(MAURA SIGHS) 1092 00:47:49,953 --> 00:47:51,455 So when he came out of there, 1093 00:47:51,496 --> 00:47:54,291 -I mean, it was decimated. -That's horrible. Ugh. 1094 00:47:54,374 --> 00:47:56,960 So I ended up having a vaginal rejuvenation. 1095 00:47:57,002 --> 00:47:59,630 It's as tight as a keyhole down there. 1096 00:47:59,671 --> 00:48:02,341 I could pick up quarters with it, if I wanted to. 1097 00:48:02,966 --> 00:48:04,301 I haven't wanted to yet. 1098 00:48:04,343 --> 00:48:07,888 I shouldn't be telling you this, but Rob's penis has a kink in it. 1099 00:48:07,971 --> 00:48:09,306 I can't think of what it's called. 1100 00:48:09,389 --> 00:48:11,517 It's kind of, like, crimped? 1101 00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:13,644 I don't know. I can't even... 1102 00:48:13,727 --> 00:48:15,604 -ROB: There they are. Yeah. -(LIZ CHUCKLES) 1103 00:48:15,854 --> 00:48:16,897 Hey. 1104 00:48:16,980 --> 00:48:18,357 She bragging about me? 1105 00:48:18,815 --> 00:48:20,108 (ALL CHUCKLING) 1106 00:48:20,150 --> 00:48:22,069 Put a bunch of videos on YouTube yesterday. 1107 00:48:22,152 --> 00:48:26,156 I'm up to a hundred hits, so, sensación, as they say. 1108 00:48:26,198 --> 00:48:27,241 (CHUCKLING) 1109 00:48:27,324 --> 00:48:28,492 It's empty. 1110 00:48:30,077 --> 00:48:31,328 Boink! 1111 00:48:32,746 --> 00:48:36,458 He has a yeast infection in his paws, between his paw pads, 1112 00:48:36,500 --> 00:48:40,337 and I have to get a wipe, and I have to wipe out his paws every night. 1113 00:48:40,379 --> 00:48:41,505 Are you gonna get me a drink? 1114 00:48:41,588 --> 00:48:43,507 Can you give me a chance to offer? 1115 00:48:43,590 --> 00:48:44,842 (SCOFFS) 1116 00:48:44,925 --> 00:48:47,803 One thousand euthanized a year just in this county. 1117 00:48:47,845 --> 00:48:51,682 I woke up one day, and boom. No more periods. 1118 00:48:52,683 --> 00:48:55,352 What the fuckenheimer? Grown-up parties suck. 1119 00:48:55,394 --> 00:48:58,647 (SIGHS) How can one person have two colonoscopy stories? 1120 00:48:58,689 --> 00:49:00,274 I'm gonna get the dancing started. 1121 00:49:01,692 --> 00:49:02,776 Get in there, kid. 1122 00:49:02,860 --> 00:49:04,695 -Hey, hey, hey, hey. -Hi. 1123 00:49:05,112 --> 00:49:06,697 -Oh. -Sure don't feel like your age. 1124 00:49:07,990 --> 00:49:10,325 I hope that you have got your phone in your front pocket. 1125 00:49:13,161 --> 00:49:14,162 (GROANS) 1126 00:49:14,204 --> 00:49:16,206 -(MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH STEREO) -No. 1127 00:49:16,582 --> 00:49:17,583 MAURA: Whoo! 1128 00:49:17,958 --> 00:49:20,544 Come on. Here we go. Here we go! 1129 00:49:20,586 --> 00:49:22,504 Hey, you can't start with Mony Mony! 1130 00:49:22,546 --> 00:49:24,006 -That's like starting with anal. -Oh. 1131 00:49:24,047 --> 00:49:25,048 All right. 1132 00:49:27,134 --> 00:49:28,218 Geernt! 1133 00:49:30,596 --> 00:49:32,931 Hi, there. Dropping off paint. 1134 00:49:33,473 --> 00:49:34,892 I'll put it by the pool. 1135 00:49:34,933 --> 00:49:35,934 -So? -Okay. 1136 00:49:37,978 --> 00:49:41,523 MR. GEERNT: My apologies. I was worried you were having a party, but I see now, 1137 00:49:42,107 --> 00:49:44,067 you really are having a wake. 1138 00:49:49,907 --> 00:49:50,908 Hey. 1139 00:49:52,284 --> 00:49:54,203 This party is fucking lame. Do you... 1140 00:49:54,244 --> 00:49:55,746 Drugs? I know a guy. 1141 00:49:55,787 --> 00:49:56,830 Call him. 1142 00:49:57,915 --> 00:49:59,166 HAE-WON: Hello! HAE-WON'S HOTTIES: Hi! 1143 00:49:59,249 --> 00:50:01,084 Hae-Won! 1144 00:50:01,168 --> 00:50:02,252 No, Hae-Won. 1145 00:50:02,336 --> 00:50:04,838 Right, sorry. You made it. I can't believe it. Look! 1146 00:50:04,922 --> 00:50:07,132 What? Look at this flock of hotties. 1147 00:50:07,257 --> 00:50:08,926 Wow. You look so happy. 1148 00:50:08,967 --> 00:50:12,262 You look so free and not oppressed at all. We were worried about you. 1149 00:50:12,346 --> 00:50:14,681 Really? We were worried about you. 1150 00:50:14,765 --> 00:50:17,392 Both your feet looked like dried beef. 1151 00:50:17,935 --> 00:50:20,145 Ah, I knew you were talking shit about us. 1152 00:50:20,229 --> 00:50:21,355 Who wants a drink? Come on. 1153 00:50:21,438 --> 00:50:22,606 HOTTIE 1: Let's go get drink! HOTTIE 2: Let's party! 1154 00:50:23,106 --> 00:50:24,775 Thank you so much for having us. 1155 00:50:24,858 --> 00:50:26,527 -What? You're leaving? -ROB: Great party. 1156 00:50:26,610 --> 00:50:27,986 -Kate, they're leaving. -Hey! (STAMMERS) 1157 00:50:28,111 --> 00:50:29,112 Chase has night terrors. 1158 00:50:29,279 --> 00:50:30,322 KATE: Absolutely not. 1159 00:50:30,405 --> 00:50:32,282 Everybody, huddle up for a second. 1160 00:50:32,366 --> 00:50:35,786 To anyone who's even thinking about leaving, 1161 00:50:35,827 --> 00:50:37,120 you can forget it. 1162 00:50:37,204 --> 00:50:39,289 You need this as much as we do. 1163 00:50:39,331 --> 00:50:40,707 Just as much as we do. 1164 00:50:40,791 --> 00:50:42,960 If you think I strapped all this shit on tonight 1165 00:50:43,085 --> 00:50:45,212 so you could be home to watch Flip or Flop, 1166 00:50:45,295 --> 00:50:47,089 you are fucking dreaming. 1167 00:50:47,130 --> 00:50:48,507 You're dreaming. 1168 00:50:48,590 --> 00:50:50,968 Dan and Kim. You got four kids, 1169 00:50:51,009 --> 00:50:54,096 and from what I can thin slice from your Christmas letters, they're wangs. 1170 00:50:54,137 --> 00:50:55,806 Thank you. Wait, what? 1171 00:50:56,515 --> 00:51:00,394 Kelly! Your profile pic is a low-fat Mexican casserole. 1172 00:51:00,477 --> 00:51:02,020 Yeah, it is. 1173 00:51:03,647 --> 00:51:07,651 Rob, when was the last time you danced with the night air hitting your nips? 1174 00:51:07,693 --> 00:51:09,945 Guns N' Roses. Citrus Bowl, 1991. 1175 00:51:10,070 --> 00:51:11,572 (ALL MURMURING) 1176 00:51:12,072 --> 00:51:14,867 Don't you wanna feel that carefree again? 1177 00:51:14,992 --> 00:51:17,327 Just, like, balls deep in joy? 1178 00:51:17,369 --> 00:51:19,913 -ALL: Yes! -Yeah. Where'd them balls go? 1179 00:51:20,914 --> 00:51:22,499 -What are you doing? -I'm being your hype man. 1180 00:51:22,583 --> 00:51:24,251 Great. It's not too late. 1181 00:51:24,543 --> 00:51:27,379 The young you still lives inside you. 1182 00:51:27,462 --> 00:51:28,922 Just like shingles, y'all. 1183 00:51:29,006 --> 00:51:30,841 KATE: We used to party in this house like animals 1184 00:51:30,883 --> 00:51:32,885 because we thought we would never die. 1185 00:51:32,968 --> 00:51:37,890 I say, tonight, we party like Vikings because we know we could die tomorrow! 1186 00:51:37,973 --> 00:51:39,516 Let's light a boat on fire! 1187 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:40,642 (ALL CHEERING) 1188 00:51:40,684 --> 00:51:43,061 KATE: Tonight is my gift to you! 1189 00:51:43,145 --> 00:51:46,440 Drink up and run with scissors tonight, because Mama got you. 1190 00:51:46,523 --> 00:51:48,025 Aw, shit! 1191 00:51:48,108 --> 00:51:49,610 -(ALL CHEERING) -MAN: Yeah, Mama! 1192 00:51:49,693 --> 00:51:51,236 Now, go call your sitters! 1193 00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:52,779 But what should we call them? 1194 00:51:52,863 --> 00:51:53,906 (ALEX CHUCKLES) 1195 00:51:54,031 --> 00:51:55,032 (LAUGHS) 1196 00:51:55,115 --> 00:51:57,034 Alex is still funny, guys. 1197 00:51:57,159 --> 00:51:58,202 (ALL CHUCKLING) 1198 00:51:58,702 --> 00:52:00,245 -Thanks. -I'm pouring shots. 1199 00:52:00,329 --> 00:52:02,372 Now remind me that you know how to do this. 1200 00:52:02,456 --> 00:52:04,374 -Whoo! -JERRY: I remember how to do it! 1201 00:52:04,416 --> 00:52:06,251 And let's dance our titties off! 1202 00:52:06,335 --> 00:52:07,628 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 1203 00:52:07,711 --> 00:52:09,254 ALL: (CHANTING) Shot, shot, shot! 1204 00:52:12,216 --> 00:52:13,717 (ALL CHEERING) 1205 00:52:13,759 --> 00:52:14,760 Next round, vodka! 1206 00:52:15,636 --> 00:52:16,637 Have you done it? 1207 00:52:21,433 --> 00:52:22,559 MAURA: Only people with children. 1208 00:52:22,601 --> 00:52:23,894 -People with kids. -People with kids. 1209 00:52:25,437 --> 00:52:26,522 (YELLING) 1210 00:52:30,859 --> 00:52:32,402 (MUSIC VOLUME INCREASES) 1211 00:52:48,418 --> 00:52:49,503 (DOORBELL RINGS) 1212 00:52:54,716 --> 00:52:55,717 Hey! 1213 00:52:55,759 --> 00:52:58,053 That's a really beautiful orchid. Is that for me? 1214 00:52:58,095 --> 00:52:59,930 -No, this is mine. -(MAURA CHUCKLES) 1215 00:53:00,430 --> 00:53:02,432 Maura. Invite Doctor Bushwhack in. 1216 00:53:02,599 --> 00:53:04,601 Show him where to put his things. I'll greet. 1217 00:53:04,643 --> 00:53:06,687 Uh, please come in, and take off your... 1218 00:53:07,229 --> 00:53:08,397 Just come in. 1219 00:53:08,438 --> 00:53:09,565 JAMES: There you go. 1220 00:53:09,606 --> 00:53:11,066 -Oh, thank you. -No problem. 1221 00:53:11,108 --> 00:53:13,068 -It's beautiful. -Thank you. 1222 00:53:13,110 --> 00:53:14,778 Wow. It smells amazing. 1223 00:53:15,362 --> 00:53:16,405 Do orchids smell? 1224 00:53:17,322 --> 00:53:19,783 They can, if you get fungus gnats. 1225 00:53:19,825 --> 00:53:22,619 And those are hard to get rid of. It stinks up your whole house. 1226 00:53:22,661 --> 00:53:24,705 But this one looks good. 1227 00:53:24,788 --> 00:53:26,123 JAMES: Yeah, this is pretty healthy. 1228 00:53:26,206 --> 00:53:28,083 -(DOORBELL RINGS) -Why don't you greet your guests? 1229 00:53:28,125 --> 00:53:30,794 I'm gonna make myself a drink, and face the wall. 1230 00:53:35,090 --> 00:53:38,010 KATE: Cover time. Twenty bucks for the booze and food, please. 1231 00:53:38,093 --> 00:53:39,678 Kate. The lesbians are here. 1232 00:53:39,761 --> 00:53:41,054 Excellent. 1233 00:53:41,138 --> 00:53:43,682 Hey. Cool if I spin some tunes? 1234 00:53:43,765 --> 00:53:45,392 I'm afraid to tell you no. 1235 00:53:45,475 --> 00:53:46,852 -Great. -Great. 1236 00:53:46,935 --> 00:53:48,145 KATE: Let them through, everybody! 1237 00:53:54,484 --> 00:53:57,487 Get ready for a Sarah McLachlan/Tracy Chapman mash-up. 1238 00:53:58,488 --> 00:54:00,199 (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) 1239 00:54:00,282 --> 00:54:01,658 Oh, yeah! 1240 00:54:01,700 --> 00:54:03,327 Oh, shit. 1241 00:54:04,786 --> 00:54:06,163 (MUSIC STOPS) 1242 00:54:06,997 --> 00:54:08,832 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 1243 00:54:08,874 --> 00:54:10,667 (ALL CHEERING) 1244 00:54:17,257 --> 00:54:19,218 -KATE: Can I talk to you for a second? -Yeah. 1245 00:54:19,301 --> 00:54:20,552 How's it going in there? 1246 00:54:20,636 --> 00:54:23,222 Well, I told him about my fungus gnats. 1247 00:54:23,305 --> 00:54:25,682 Let him do the bulk of the talking. 1248 00:54:25,766 --> 00:54:27,809 Yeah, I'm just afraid when it gets quiet. 1249 00:54:27,851 --> 00:54:29,853 Good things are hidden in the quiet. 1250 00:54:30,854 --> 00:54:32,189 Who said that? 1251 00:54:32,272 --> 00:54:33,690 I did. I'm smart. 1252 00:54:33,774 --> 00:54:34,900 Okay. 1253 00:54:34,983 --> 00:54:36,443 You should put that on one of your cards. 1254 00:54:44,576 --> 00:54:48,413 But it is expected of you. Your absence has already been noted. 1255 00:54:48,497 --> 00:54:49,957 JOFFREY ON TV: The boy means nothing to me. 1256 00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:52,251 I can't stand the wailing of women. 1257 00:54:52,334 --> 00:54:53,377 (BRINDA GRUNTS) 1258 00:54:53,418 --> 00:54:58,006 God, I could watch Tyrion slap the smug off that little fucker's face a hundred times 1259 00:54:58,048 --> 00:54:59,842 -and never get sick of it. -(ALL CHUCKLING) 1260 00:54:59,883 --> 00:55:02,970 Did you know that Jack Gleeson was the little boy in Batman Begins? 1261 00:55:03,053 --> 00:55:05,889 Jean, when you use the actors' real names, 1262 00:55:05,931 --> 00:55:08,183 you're not allowing yourself to live inside the fantasy world 1263 00:55:08,225 --> 00:55:10,143 that they've so lovingly crafted for us. 1264 00:55:10,561 --> 00:55:14,439 Oh, and just a reminder there's a no phone policy on our G.O.T. nights. 1265 00:55:14,523 --> 00:55:15,607 DENNY: I'm sorry. 1266 00:55:15,691 --> 00:55:19,236 Ian Mitchell keeps posting photos of the Ellis Island party, 1267 00:55:19,278 --> 00:55:21,613 and it looks like kinda damn fun. 1268 00:55:22,072 --> 00:55:24,199 I kinda wanna drop by. 1269 00:55:24,241 --> 00:55:25,576 -They have cheese. -(GASPS) 1270 00:55:27,077 --> 00:55:28,579 DENNY: Cheese. 1271 00:55:28,620 --> 00:55:30,289 All we have is wine. 1272 00:55:30,372 --> 00:55:32,124 And it's non-alcoholic. 1273 00:55:32,207 --> 00:55:34,418 JEAN: We don't have to take off our shoes there. 1274 00:55:34,501 --> 00:55:37,004 -And there aren't so many rules. -(EXHALES) 1275 00:55:37,171 --> 00:55:39,131 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 1276 00:55:40,799 --> 00:55:41,884 I'll take another one... 1277 00:55:41,925 --> 00:55:43,010 JAMES: Hey. MAURA: Hey. 1278 00:55:45,095 --> 00:55:47,264 Man, I haven't been to a party in a while. 1279 00:55:48,599 --> 00:55:51,935 I know. The last party I went to was probably my wedding reception. 1280 00:55:57,149 --> 00:55:59,359 -This wine... -So did you see your parents die? 1281 00:55:59,943 --> 00:56:01,987 (STAMMERING) No, I didn't, 1282 00:56:03,655 --> 00:56:05,032 but I know they did. 1283 00:56:05,282 --> 00:56:07,451 -(CHUCKLES) -Well, that's good to know. 1284 00:56:07,492 --> 00:56:09,036 It's not good to know. 1285 00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:11,496 Hey, it's okay. 1286 00:56:11,580 --> 00:56:14,875 I mean, you can ask me anything. What do you want to know about me? 1287 00:56:17,461 --> 00:56:20,297 I have nachos that are in the broiler. 1288 00:56:20,339 --> 00:56:21,924 I have to go get them. 1289 00:56:21,965 --> 00:56:24,134 Yeah, go. Do your thing. I'll be here. 1290 00:56:24,176 --> 00:56:25,552 -All right. -All right. 1291 00:56:28,055 --> 00:56:30,140 What are you doing out here by yourself? Where's your boyfriend? 1292 00:56:30,182 --> 00:56:32,434 No, I don't think he's right for me. It's a pass. 1293 00:56:32,476 --> 00:56:35,145 He's so direct, you know. There's no surprises there. 1294 00:56:35,229 --> 00:56:36,396 There's not a lot to discover. 1295 00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:40,609 I mean, I like mystery. And, you know, great sex is so distracting. I mean, it's... 1296 00:56:40,692 --> 00:56:43,445 -It's nice to be... -Mmm-hmm... 1297 00:56:43,487 --> 00:56:46,949 ...so physically, emotionally attracted to someone. 1298 00:56:46,990 --> 00:56:49,993 -Uh-huh. Yeah. -But that's not what life is. 1299 00:56:50,077 --> 00:56:55,040 Life is about challenges and shadows and corners and feeling weird. 1300 00:56:55,123 --> 00:56:57,626 You are so full of shit, that I'm gonna buy you Pull-Ups. 1301 00:56:57,668 --> 00:56:59,002 I just think we're gonna be very good friends. 1302 00:56:59,086 --> 00:57:00,838 -I think you're being a little dramatic. -I'm not. 1303 00:57:01,421 --> 00:57:03,590 I asked him if he saw his parents die. 1304 00:57:03,674 --> 00:57:05,300 Oh, Jesus. 1305 00:57:05,384 --> 00:57:07,469 -Yeah. I don't like this feeling. -What feeling? 1306 00:57:07,511 --> 00:57:10,556 This high school feeling when you're crushing on someone 1307 00:57:10,639 --> 00:57:12,891 and you're afraid that they're not gonna like you back, 1308 00:57:12,975 --> 00:57:14,309 and then you're gonna get heart cramps. 1309 00:57:14,351 --> 00:57:16,019 Hey, I think you're getting ahead of yourself. 1310 00:57:17,271 --> 00:57:18,856 Someone else is talking to him anyway. 1311 00:57:21,149 --> 00:57:22,568 Brinda? 1312 00:57:22,693 --> 00:57:25,028 Oh, hail naw! 1313 00:57:26,029 --> 00:57:28,824 Are you serious? Because I am straight-up baffled. 1314 00:57:28,866 --> 00:57:29,908 I'm sorry? 1315 00:57:29,992 --> 00:57:33,662 I believe you called this party a "sad and desperate event"? 1316 00:57:33,704 --> 00:57:36,456 Well, I just figured I'd pop in and say hello to everyone. 1317 00:57:36,540 --> 00:57:38,208 I mean, we're all adults now, right? 1318 00:57:38,250 --> 00:57:39,877 Nice try. On your bike, bitch. 1319 00:57:40,627 --> 00:57:42,796 Get your peanut butter out of my sister's chocolate. 1320 00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:43,881 Wow. 1321 00:57:43,922 --> 00:57:47,384 I respect your jumpsuit, but not its contents. Hit it. 1322 00:57:47,467 --> 00:57:49,386 Well, this is ludicrous. 1323 00:57:49,887 --> 00:57:52,514 (IMITATES GULPING) Get out. 1324 00:57:52,556 --> 00:57:55,684 Fine. I have another function to attend anyway. 1325 00:57:56,268 --> 00:57:59,062 Besides, I flushed a tampon down your toilet. 1326 00:57:59,104 --> 00:58:01,064 You're pads all the way and everyone knows it. 1327 00:58:01,148 --> 00:58:02,191 BRINDA: Nuh-uh. 1328 00:58:02,232 --> 00:58:04,359 Let's go. Let's get out of this septic tank. 1329 00:58:04,401 --> 00:58:06,236 I kind of want to stay a little. 1330 00:58:06,278 --> 00:58:07,571 Yeah, me too. 1331 00:58:07,654 --> 00:58:08,822 For serious? 1332 00:58:08,906 --> 00:58:11,700 We never got to go before because Kate hated you. 1333 00:58:11,742 --> 00:58:13,869 We suffered from secondhand hate. 1334 00:58:14,912 --> 00:58:15,954 (HISSES) 1335 00:58:17,581 --> 00:58:18,790 Wow. 1336 00:58:21,376 --> 00:58:22,586 -(GASPS) -(DRIPPING) 1337 00:58:23,587 --> 00:58:25,589 Hi. You guys are welcome here. You know that, right? 1338 00:58:25,714 --> 00:58:27,341 -Do you wanna do some shots? -Yeah. 1339 00:58:27,424 --> 00:58:29,801 Hi, I'd like to make a noise complaint. 1340 00:58:31,512 --> 00:58:34,097 Winter is coming, bitches. 1341 00:58:34,765 --> 00:58:36,517 MAURA: So, what's this order again? JAMES: All right. 1342 00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:37,851 It goes salt. 1343 00:58:37,935 --> 00:58:39,186 Shot. 1344 00:58:39,895 --> 00:58:41,355 And then we suck on these? 1345 00:58:41,438 --> 00:58:42,773 -No, you throw them at each other. -(CHUCKLES) 1346 00:58:42,856 --> 00:58:44,149 That's the way you're supposed to. 1347 00:58:44,233 --> 00:58:45,275 -KATE: Maura? -That's what... 1348 00:58:45,317 --> 00:58:47,069 Some guy here to see you? 1349 00:58:47,110 --> 00:58:49,446 -Excuse me. -All right. Go do it. 1350 00:58:49,947 --> 00:58:51,698 -My dude's in the bedroom. -What dude? 1351 00:58:51,782 --> 00:58:52,783 Some kid we're buying weed from. 1352 00:58:52,866 --> 00:58:53,909 Ooh, okay. 1353 00:58:55,911 --> 00:58:56,954 Hi, there. 1354 00:59:00,374 --> 00:59:01,792 Holy mother. 1355 00:59:01,875 --> 00:59:04,878 That's right. This is my best friend, my brah, right? 1356 00:59:04,962 --> 00:59:06,129 This is Pazuzu. 1357 00:59:06,213 --> 00:59:07,297 It sure is. 1358 00:59:07,381 --> 00:59:10,801 Pazuzu. Thank you so much for bringing your arms here. 1359 00:59:10,884 --> 00:59:11,885 Your drugs here. 1360 00:59:12,344 --> 00:59:15,973 Uh, is your ink Samoan? I saw a documentary once... 1361 00:59:16,014 --> 00:59:17,099 I will handle this. 1362 00:59:17,182 --> 00:59:21,144 We are looking for... To buy drugs. 1363 00:59:21,311 --> 00:59:22,396 (SNIFFS) 1364 00:59:22,771 --> 00:59:24,189 What'chu want? 1365 00:59:24,273 --> 00:59:27,693 I got ketamine, meth, MDMA, Adderall, 1366 00:59:27,818 --> 00:59:32,364 Bromo-Dragonfly, heroin, coke, crack, codeine, oxys, 1367 00:59:32,447 --> 00:59:33,699 -percs, vikes, -(EXCLAIMS) 1368 00:59:33,782 --> 00:59:36,368 PCP, LSD, Dilaudid, mescaline, 1369 00:59:36,451 --> 00:59:39,329 mushrooms, bath salts, cortisone, Toradol. 1370 00:59:39,413 --> 00:59:42,207 I got molly. I got her sister Sandra. I got big Frank. 1371 00:59:42,291 --> 00:59:44,168 I got birth control. I got Plan B. 1372 00:59:44,209 --> 00:59:46,628 I got that morphine from China they took off the market. 1373 00:59:46,670 --> 00:59:48,088 Shit to make your dick hard. 1374 00:59:48,172 --> 00:59:50,382 Shit to make your dick soft. Shit'll find your dick. 1375 00:59:50,507 --> 00:59:52,009 That shit there's from Kenya. 1376 00:59:52,092 --> 00:59:54,052 Supposed to be a scurvy cure for silverback gorillas, 1377 00:59:54,178 --> 00:59:56,471 but for humans, it just makes them violently masturbate. 1378 00:59:56,513 --> 00:59:57,806 Did I say crack? Because I got more of that, too. 1379 00:59:57,848 --> 00:59:58,932 Mmm-hmm. You said crack already. 1380 00:59:59,016 --> 01:00:01,977 I got some Ibuprofen, aspirin. I got Flintstone Gummies if you want. 1381 01:00:02,060 --> 01:00:03,103 You seem good at your job. 1382 01:00:03,187 --> 01:00:04,855 -We don't need any of that. No. -No. 1383 01:00:04,980 --> 01:00:10,068 We're just gonna take some low-level, late '80s dirt pot. 1384 01:00:10,152 --> 01:00:12,529 You know, the kind with seeds in it that you separate on a Frisbee. 1385 01:00:12,654 --> 01:00:14,698 Something you smoke at a Bangles concert. 1386 01:00:14,740 --> 01:00:17,576 I didn't drive my ass across town to sell some moms some fucking dirt pot. 1387 01:00:18,869 --> 01:00:20,245 Y'all gonna buy some Cloud 10. 1388 01:00:20,329 --> 01:00:21,788 DAVE: I'm sorry, man. They're just new to the game. 1389 01:00:21,872 --> 01:00:23,290 Ladies, come on. This is Cloud 10. 1390 01:00:23,373 --> 01:00:24,708 This is the shiz, a'ight? 1391 01:00:24,750 --> 01:00:29,922 This is, like, 70% molly, 20% Adderall, and it's 10% fun! 1392 01:00:30,047 --> 01:00:31,048 What's that last 10%? 1393 01:00:33,550 --> 01:00:34,551 -Snow leopard. -Fun. 1394 01:00:34,635 --> 01:00:37,304 No, seriously. I'm a nurse. So, just give me a name. 1395 01:00:37,721 --> 01:00:38,847 -Mystic. -I actually don't know. 1396 01:00:38,931 --> 01:00:42,476 You know what? You seem like a pro, so we'll just take a little ohwheed 1397 01:00:42,559 --> 01:00:45,896 and just a skosh of Cloud 10. 1398 01:00:45,979 --> 01:00:47,147 MAURA: Are there hazelnuts in that? 1399 01:00:47,231 --> 01:00:48,982 -I'll take the stuff for the dick. -I got you. 1400 01:00:49,066 --> 01:00:50,901 KATE: I'll take this. PAZUZU: Y'all mind if I hang out a bit? 1401 01:00:51,735 --> 01:00:52,819 -Uh... Nah. -Nah. 1402 01:00:53,362 --> 01:00:55,364 -(STAMMERING) Please, please, please don't. -Nuh-uh. 1403 01:00:55,405 --> 01:00:57,241 -Don't stay... Stay. Yep. -Thanks. 1404 01:01:03,664 --> 01:01:07,000 Hey, you don't have any Goldfish crackers up there? 1405 01:01:07,084 --> 01:01:08,794 Don't mean to be coy. 1406 01:01:08,877 --> 01:01:09,920 MAURA: Oh, hi, Alex. 1407 01:01:09,962 --> 01:01:11,964 I'm just hiding this stevia. That shit's expensive. 1408 01:01:12,047 --> 01:01:13,465 Koi, goldfish. 1409 01:01:13,632 --> 01:01:15,759 (CHUCKLES) You. 1410 01:01:24,268 --> 01:01:29,314 You know, you're the type of badass that I was susceptible to in my youth. 1411 01:01:36,196 --> 01:01:38,532 I used to make out with my Stretch Armstrong doll, 1412 01:01:38,615 --> 01:01:42,578 so this is, like, a full circle moment for me. 1413 01:01:42,619 --> 01:01:45,706 It's cool. I invented the Fleshlight. I just do this shit on the side. 1414 01:01:47,457 --> 01:01:48,458 Right on. 1415 01:01:51,587 --> 01:01:52,588 Excuse me. 1416 01:01:56,967 --> 01:01:58,635 (POLICE SIREN BLARES) 1417 01:01:59,761 --> 01:02:01,221 Hey. Turn the music off! 1418 01:02:02,848 --> 01:02:04,558 Everybody duck! 1419 01:02:04,641 --> 01:02:05,726 (ALL MURMURING) 1420 01:02:05,809 --> 01:02:07,102 Quack, quack. 1421 01:02:12,566 --> 01:02:14,735 Hi. We donated already. 1422 01:02:14,818 --> 01:02:16,653 Hey. We received a noise complaint? 1423 01:02:16,737 --> 01:02:19,406 Oh, Officer, we are so sorry. We'll shut everything down. 1424 01:02:19,489 --> 01:02:20,824 No, it's... 1425 01:02:20,866 --> 01:02:24,328 Wait a minute. Your eyes are gorgeous. 1426 01:02:25,037 --> 01:02:28,624 You know you look exactly like an Affleck brother, right? 1427 01:02:28,665 --> 01:02:31,502 I mean, it is like, dead ringer times. 1428 01:02:31,585 --> 01:02:33,420 Any underage drinking going on? 1429 01:02:33,504 --> 01:02:35,255 -Oh, no. No. -No. 1430 01:02:35,339 --> 01:02:36,673 Everybody's double 21 in there. 1431 01:02:36,757 --> 01:02:37,925 Way over age. 1432 01:02:38,008 --> 01:02:39,510 We had a 60-year-old buy our beer. 1433 01:02:39,551 --> 01:02:40,928 Well, you don't look a day over 25. 1434 01:02:41,011 --> 01:02:42,012 MAURA: Thank you. 1435 01:02:43,388 --> 01:02:44,389 Thirty-five. 1436 01:02:44,473 --> 01:02:45,474 Oh! 1437 01:02:45,557 --> 01:02:47,809 Just do me a favor and act your ages and keep it down? 1438 01:02:49,102 --> 01:02:50,187 We will keep it down. 1439 01:02:50,270 --> 01:02:53,357 We will keep it so down, like, below sea level. 1440 01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:54,691 -Nice teamwork. -Yeah. 1441 01:02:54,775 --> 01:02:56,151 I miss flirting with cops. 1442 01:02:56,193 --> 01:02:58,111 -(MAURA CHUCKLING) -He was so afraid of us. 1443 01:02:58,195 --> 01:03:01,198 (WHISPERS) Motherfucker, titty-sucker, two-balled bitch. 1444 01:03:01,865 --> 01:03:04,576 First PoPo of the night thwarted by charm. 1445 01:03:04,660 --> 01:03:07,246 Ellis Island, proceed, y'all! 1446 01:03:07,412 --> 01:03:09,456 (ALL CHEERING) 1447 01:03:13,877 --> 01:03:17,840 Hey. I put in a request for our special song so we can do the Applebutt Jam. 1448 01:03:17,881 --> 01:03:20,884 I don't think we should do that tonight. That's not that cool. 1449 01:03:20,968 --> 01:03:26,014 No! Tonight is my night, and it is cool, because we're doing it, and we're cool. 1450 01:03:28,058 --> 01:03:30,018 (REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING) 1451 01:03:33,313 --> 01:03:35,315 (ALL CHEERING) 1452 01:04:11,727 --> 01:04:13,270 It's good, right? 1453 01:04:19,276 --> 01:04:20,277 (LAUGHS) 1454 01:04:32,873 --> 01:04:34,041 Whoo! 1455 01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:38,629 (KELLY CRYING) 1456 01:04:38,670 --> 01:04:40,297 KATE: Come here, peanut. 1457 01:04:40,339 --> 01:04:43,592 Tell Mama what's freaking you the fuck out about time. 1458 01:04:43,634 --> 01:04:44,801 I don't know. It's just like... 1459 01:04:45,469 --> 01:04:50,766 The other day, I saw this old lady looking at me through a window on the street, 1460 01:04:50,807 --> 01:04:53,644 and I felt bad for her, you know? 1461 01:04:53,769 --> 01:05:00,526 I waved at her, and she waved back at me, and then I realized that was just my reflection. 1462 01:05:02,444 --> 01:05:06,490 It was just me and my old beef jerky face. 1463 01:05:06,532 --> 01:05:07,824 (SOBBING) 1464 01:05:09,660 --> 01:05:12,204 Why does time do that to faces? 1465 01:05:12,329 --> 01:05:13,622 Why? 1466 01:05:16,500 --> 01:05:17,751 Don't do that. 1467 01:05:19,336 --> 01:05:22,714 When the time is right, smoke this with your gentleman friend. 1468 01:05:22,798 --> 01:05:26,093 I'm gonna make space cakes for the rest of the gang like a goddamn June Cleaver 1469 01:05:26,176 --> 01:05:28,053 -because I have a domestic side. -Mmm-hmm. 1470 01:05:49,241 --> 01:05:50,826 Look what fell into my cleavage. 1471 01:05:50,868 --> 01:05:53,036 Plinko! Jackpot! (CHUCKLES) Let's go. 1472 01:05:56,290 --> 01:05:57,291 Ooh... 1473 01:06:00,544 --> 01:06:02,379 Do you play any sports? 1474 01:06:03,422 --> 01:06:05,048 Tennis, for a little while. 1475 01:06:06,049 --> 01:06:07,926 That's what I was gonna guess. 1476 01:06:12,723 --> 01:06:16,059 -Okay, Dribbles. I got you, girl. -Hey. 1477 01:06:16,852 --> 01:06:18,729 -(SIGHS) -Let's go right in there. 1478 01:06:18,854 --> 01:06:22,024 Get you looking nice and clean so you can throw up on it later. 1479 01:06:30,449 --> 01:06:33,744 You look like you naturally have no body hair whatsoever. 1480 01:06:34,953 --> 01:06:36,580 Do you oil yourself up a lot? 1481 01:06:37,039 --> 01:06:38,957 When I need to get through a narrow shaft. 1482 01:06:39,041 --> 01:06:42,252 Danger. Walk away. That's a black diamond slope. 1483 01:06:46,089 --> 01:06:47,466 Why ain't you partying? 1484 01:06:47,549 --> 01:06:51,261 Because I'm the designated mom tonight. I'm keeping everybody safe. 1485 01:06:52,387 --> 01:06:54,139 Do you have kids? 1486 01:06:54,223 --> 01:06:55,557 I'm sure I do. 1487 01:06:57,434 --> 01:06:58,644 (MOUTHING) Shit. 1488 01:07:02,773 --> 01:07:04,691 DAVE: Hey, Kate. You remember when you scaled that sucker 1489 01:07:04,775 --> 01:07:08,278 right there up to the last beam and you hollered, "I'm the bomb!" 1490 01:07:08,362 --> 01:07:10,072 Like it was yesterday, yo. 1491 01:07:10,113 --> 01:07:11,406 Well, come on, Kate. What are you waiting for? 1492 01:07:11,448 --> 01:07:12,866 Come on, everybody. Kate, Kate! 1493 01:07:12,950 --> 01:07:15,035 ALL: (CHANTING) Kate, Kate, Kate! 1494 01:07:15,869 --> 01:07:16,995 (WHISTLING) 1495 01:07:19,248 --> 01:07:22,751 When you're sober, it's kind of like, "Why would anyone do this?" 1496 01:07:25,087 --> 01:07:27,047 ALL: (CHANTING) Kate, Kate, Kate! 1497 01:07:28,799 --> 01:07:30,384 Come on, Kate. Come on! 1498 01:07:30,467 --> 01:07:32,636 -KATE: This is scary as shart. -(ALL GASPING) 1499 01:07:32,719 --> 01:07:33,929 How did I not die doing this? 1500 01:07:33,971 --> 01:07:36,223 Don't try this. This is not safe. 1501 01:07:36,306 --> 01:07:38,141 Somebody moved these bricks. 1502 01:07:38,267 --> 01:07:39,560 FEMALE GUEST: Hang tight, lady! 1503 01:07:39,685 --> 01:07:40,978 (ALL CHEERING) 1504 01:07:41,144 --> 01:07:44,064 KATE: This is for the fucking birds. Shitters. 1505 01:07:44,147 --> 01:07:46,316 Oh, you guys. You guys are gonna love this. 1506 01:07:46,441 --> 01:07:48,569 Don't move. Stay right there. 1507 01:07:48,652 --> 01:07:49,695 (LAUGHS) 1508 01:07:49,903 --> 01:07:51,238 All right. Ready? Ready? 1509 01:07:51,321 --> 01:07:53,323 Okay, guys, can you guess who I am? Ready? 1510 01:07:54,116 --> 01:07:59,079 You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend! 1511 01:07:59,162 --> 01:08:00,998 -Cheech! No, Chong. -ALEX: No, no, no. 1512 01:08:01,081 --> 01:08:03,500 Say hello to my little friend! 1513 01:08:03,542 --> 01:08:04,543 (EXCLAIMS) 1514 01:08:05,794 --> 01:08:07,504 -ROB: Tim Allen. -No. 1515 01:08:09,506 --> 01:08:12,467 Say hello to my little friend. Bullets? Nothing. 1516 01:08:13,760 --> 01:08:17,514 I love cocaine! Because I have a scar on my face! 1517 01:08:17,598 --> 01:08:18,682 (CHUCKLES) 1518 01:08:19,140 --> 01:08:21,185 (SNIFFING AND SNORTING) 1519 01:08:21,518 --> 01:08:23,060 (LAUGHS) 1520 01:08:23,353 --> 01:08:25,354 (COUGHING HEAVILY) 1521 01:08:27,691 --> 01:08:30,194 It's stevia! (CHUCKLES) Psych! 1522 01:08:30,277 --> 01:08:31,694 It's stevia! 1523 01:08:32,362 --> 01:08:33,447 (BABBLES) 1524 01:08:33,529 --> 01:08:34,823 (CHUCKLES AND YELLS) 1525 01:08:35,198 --> 01:08:37,201 (COUGHING HEAVILY) 1526 01:08:37,868 --> 01:08:39,411 Hmm... (PANTS) 1527 01:08:39,493 --> 01:08:40,828 Come on. You can get this! 1528 01:08:49,212 --> 01:08:52,216 So, if I read this, 1529 01:08:52,674 --> 01:08:54,968 will I get, like, amazing insight into who you are? 1530 01:08:55,051 --> 01:08:56,845 -I am afraid so. -Okay. 1531 01:08:56,886 --> 01:08:59,973 Way behind the curtain. Like, in the broom closet. 1532 01:09:00,057 --> 01:09:01,808 Well, I like broom closets. Here we go. 1533 01:09:02,309 --> 01:09:04,269 (READING) "I tried tampons. 1534 01:09:04,353 --> 01:09:06,522 -"No thanks, Tom Hanks." -(CHUCKLES) 1535 01:09:06,647 --> 01:09:09,024 "It felt like I fell down hard on a popsicle." 1536 01:09:09,066 --> 01:09:10,234 Oh, man. 1537 01:09:10,359 --> 01:09:11,859 That's from last week. 1538 01:09:11,984 --> 01:09:13,069 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 1539 01:09:13,654 --> 01:09:14,696 It's good stuff in here. 1540 01:09:14,821 --> 01:09:15,863 It's my gift to you. 1541 01:09:15,906 --> 01:09:17,908 I love it. I want more. 1542 01:09:17,991 --> 01:09:19,993 Now you tell me a secret. 1543 01:09:20,452 --> 01:09:21,453 Okay. 1544 01:09:22,703 --> 01:09:25,082 I lost a whole bunch of weight recently. 1545 01:09:25,122 --> 01:09:27,542 Like, 70 pounds. 1546 01:09:27,584 --> 01:09:29,169 -Wow. That's great. -Yeah, it's a lot. 1547 01:09:29,252 --> 01:09:31,004 All right, tell me something else. 1548 01:09:31,296 --> 01:09:33,256 Oh, uh... (SIGHS) 1549 01:09:35,425 --> 01:09:36,593 I got divorced. 1550 01:09:40,264 --> 01:09:43,058 So, you lost, like, 200 pounds. 1551 01:09:43,600 --> 01:09:45,269 (CHUCKLING) 1552 01:09:47,395 --> 01:09:48,438 (SNIFFS) 1553 01:09:49,689 --> 01:09:50,691 Let's... 1554 01:09:51,441 --> 01:09:53,819 -You wanna try something? -Okay. 1555 01:09:53,902 --> 01:09:54,945 Um... 1556 01:09:56,321 --> 01:09:58,073 -On the count of three... -Mmm-hmm. 1557 01:09:58,615 --> 01:10:01,994 ...let's say what we're both afraid of. 1558 01:10:05,163 --> 01:10:07,082 I mean, unless you don't want to. 1559 01:10:07,124 --> 01:10:09,126 No, I'm not afraid to say it. 1560 01:10:10,544 --> 01:10:12,129 -Okay? -Okay, ready? 1561 01:10:12,254 --> 01:10:13,714 BOTH: One. 1562 01:10:13,797 --> 01:10:14,840 Two. 1563 01:10:14,923 --> 01:10:16,175 Three. 1564 01:10:17,843 --> 01:10:19,887 -Alligators. -Choking on a steak. 1565 01:10:21,847 --> 01:10:23,223 Not great. (CHUCKLES) 1566 01:10:26,852 --> 01:10:28,687 Let's really say what we're afraid of. 1567 01:10:29,354 --> 01:10:30,856 Like, for real. 1568 01:10:31,648 --> 01:10:33,317 -Okay. -Okay? 1569 01:10:35,652 --> 01:10:36,695 (CLEARS THROAT) 1570 01:10:37,321 --> 01:10:38,488 Ready? 1571 01:10:39,823 --> 01:10:42,576 BOTH: One, two, three. 1572 01:10:43,243 --> 01:10:45,329 -I'm afraid that I'm boring... -I'm afraid that losing weight... 1573 01:10:45,370 --> 01:10:47,706 -...and I have too much baggage. -...won't fix everything. 1574 01:10:54,087 --> 01:10:58,634 Did you lose weight to gain self-confidence? 1575 01:10:59,176 --> 01:11:00,260 No. 1576 01:11:01,178 --> 01:11:03,180 I think I lost the weight 1577 01:11:03,305 --> 01:11:07,851 so I could gain a better view of my perfect penis. 1578 01:11:09,686 --> 01:11:11,313 I missed the little guy. Not little. 1579 01:11:11,355 --> 01:11:12,689 (CHUCKLES) 1580 01:11:13,482 --> 01:11:15,442 Medium. I miss the medium guy. 1581 01:11:18,320 --> 01:11:21,031 You are so not boring, by the way. 1582 01:11:21,114 --> 01:11:23,450 You've already fixed so many things. 1583 01:11:26,245 --> 01:11:28,705 There used to be so much stuff here. 1584 01:11:30,123 --> 01:11:32,668 This attic made me feel very safe. 1585 01:11:34,711 --> 01:11:36,839 Well, a house is just a building. 1586 01:11:37,548 --> 01:11:40,217 Home is a feeling. 1587 01:11:41,343 --> 01:11:43,011 -That's beautiful. -Thank you. 1588 01:11:43,053 --> 01:11:44,054 Who said that? 1589 01:11:44,137 --> 01:11:46,306 -I did. Just now. -(BOTH CHUCKLE) 1590 01:11:54,231 --> 01:11:55,274 (BLOWS) 1591 01:11:55,357 --> 01:11:56,483 Ugh. (COUGHS) 1592 01:11:56,733 --> 01:11:57,860 (LAUGHING) 1593 01:11:57,985 --> 01:11:59,695 -Were you shotgunning me? -I am so sorry. 1594 01:11:59,736 --> 01:12:01,238 -I misjudged the shotgun. -I was going to. 1595 01:12:01,363 --> 01:12:03,073 It's my fault. I was showboating. 1596 01:12:03,115 --> 01:12:04,741 -I am so sorry about that. -(BOTH LAUGHING) 1597 01:12:05,367 --> 01:12:07,077 (IN CUBAN ACCENT) You talking to me? 1598 01:12:07,578 --> 01:12:09,162 Is you talking to me? 1599 01:12:09,580 --> 01:12:10,664 Uh, Robert Pacino. 1600 01:12:10,747 --> 01:12:11,915 Aah! No bullets! 1601 01:12:12,541 --> 01:12:17,004 (IN CUBAN ACCENT) Why don't you try sticking your head up your ass? See if it fits? 1602 01:12:17,087 --> 01:12:19,006 -What's the one... Grimace? -No. 1603 01:12:19,590 --> 01:12:24,761 Why don't you try sticking your head up your ass? (LAUGHS) 1604 01:12:24,845 --> 01:12:26,513 (QUICKLY) Why don't you try sticking your head up your ass? 1605 01:12:26,597 --> 01:12:28,891 See if it fits! See if it fits! 1606 01:12:29,016 --> 01:12:30,934 (LAUGHS) Stevia! 1607 01:12:31,018 --> 01:12:33,187 Why don't you stick your head up your ass? 1608 01:12:33,270 --> 01:12:35,022 See if it fits? (LAUGHING) 1609 01:12:35,480 --> 01:12:40,944 Why don't you try sticking your head up your ass and see if it fits? 1610 01:12:41,570 --> 01:12:42,571 Pass. 1611 01:12:42,613 --> 01:12:44,990 Why don't you stick your head up your ass and see if it fits? 1612 01:12:45,073 --> 01:12:46,241 Scarface! 1613 01:12:46,742 --> 01:12:48,535 -Scarface. -Scarface? 1614 01:12:48,619 --> 01:12:49,661 Yes! 1615 01:12:49,745 --> 01:12:52,539 That's who I was the whole fucking time! 1616 01:12:52,623 --> 01:12:55,042 -Awesome, man. -(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY) 1617 01:12:55,125 --> 01:12:57,127 You got to want it a little less. 1618 01:12:57,211 --> 01:12:59,129 I can feel my hair growing! 1619 01:13:00,130 --> 01:13:01,590 Alex, come on. 1620 01:13:01,632 --> 01:13:03,467 Do you hear that? It's Tipsy! 1621 01:13:03,550 --> 01:13:05,886 Oh, I love this song! I got to dance. Here we go. 1622 01:13:06,053 --> 01:13:07,846 -(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) -Oh. Oh! 1623 01:13:07,930 --> 01:13:08,972 -(MAURA CHUCKLING) -Hey, you backing it up! 1624 01:13:09,389 --> 01:13:10,641 This is your theme now. 1625 01:13:10,724 --> 01:13:11,808 Who, me? Or, e'rybody? 1626 01:13:11,975 --> 01:13:13,060 Ah, e'rybody. 1627 01:13:13,143 --> 01:13:15,312 (SINGING) 'Cause e'rybody got got to get tipsy 1628 01:13:15,354 --> 01:13:17,314 -What? -(BREATHING HEAVILY) 1629 01:13:17,397 --> 01:13:18,398 JAMES: Yeah! 1630 01:13:18,482 --> 01:13:20,651 E'rybody in the club get tipsy 1631 01:13:20,692 --> 01:13:23,320 Not just you. Not just me. E'rybody. 1632 01:13:23,362 --> 01:13:26,323 E'rybody. E'ry day, e'ry hour, e'ry minute. 1633 01:13:26,823 --> 01:13:27,866 Huh! (YELLS) 1634 01:13:27,950 --> 01:13:29,409 -(CRASHES) -(ALL YELLING) 1635 01:13:30,369 --> 01:13:31,453 -JAMES: Oh, my God! -(YELLS) 1636 01:13:31,495 --> 01:13:32,829 (ALL LAUGHING) 1637 01:13:32,871 --> 01:13:35,332 Oh, God. Wait, come here. Come here. 1638 01:13:36,625 --> 01:13:38,335 -Here we go. -My dad's gonna murder me! 1639 01:13:38,377 --> 01:13:41,547 -Shh. Maura, look at me. I can fix this. -(CREAKING) 1640 01:13:41,630 --> 01:13:43,632 Oh, God. Go. Go, go, go. 1641 01:13:44,258 --> 01:13:45,259 JAMES: Whoa! MAURA: No, no, no! 1642 01:13:46,885 --> 01:13:48,554 JAMES: Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1643 01:13:48,846 --> 01:13:50,097 -(MAURA SCREAMS) -JAMES: No! 1644 01:13:51,515 --> 01:13:53,058 (BOTH MOANING) 1645 01:13:53,851 --> 01:13:55,269 (BOTH SPITTING) 1646 01:13:55,602 --> 01:13:57,437 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 1647 01:14:00,691 --> 01:14:01,733 (SIGHS) 1648 01:14:03,819 --> 01:14:05,195 I'm really 1649 01:14:06,196 --> 01:14:07,197 itchy. 1650 01:14:07,531 --> 01:14:08,615 It went up my nose. 1651 01:14:08,699 --> 01:14:10,409 -It went up my butt. (CHUCKLES) -(COUGHING) 1652 01:14:10,492 --> 01:14:11,493 Are we gonna die? 1653 01:14:11,535 --> 01:14:13,912 -No, this stuff's safe. This is all from the '70s. -(LAUGHS) 1654 01:14:14,997 --> 01:14:18,000 Wow! This is fucked up! 1655 01:14:18,250 --> 01:14:20,294 (SCREAMING) 1656 01:14:20,544 --> 01:14:22,337 (LAUGHS) 1657 01:14:24,047 --> 01:14:27,718 I wanna do that foam thing like we saw at the Fart Mitzvah. 1658 01:14:27,759 --> 01:14:28,760 (HAE-WON'S HOTTIES CHUCKLING) 1659 01:14:29,094 --> 01:14:30,971 (LAUGHING) Ah! 1660 01:14:33,182 --> 01:14:34,474 (LAUGHS) 1661 01:14:34,725 --> 01:14:36,018 Ooh! 1662 01:14:36,059 --> 01:14:39,104 -I need to talk to you outside. Now. -Oh. Oh. 1663 01:14:39,188 --> 01:14:42,900 Well, let's do this. My earrings are coming off, bohatch! 1664 01:14:42,941 --> 01:14:45,527 Why? You gonna hit me with your long-ass earlobes? 1665 01:14:45,569 --> 01:14:46,862 BRINDA: Oh. (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) 1666 01:14:47,070 --> 01:14:49,740 I have been waiting a long time for this. 1667 01:14:52,201 --> 01:14:54,244 Hey! 1668 01:14:54,328 --> 01:14:55,329 Hey! 1669 01:14:56,246 --> 01:14:57,581 Let me in! 1670 01:15:01,793 --> 01:15:03,462 This is bullshit! 1671 01:15:03,629 --> 01:15:05,339 (ALL CHEERING) 1672 01:15:05,923 --> 01:15:07,090 (VOCALIZES) 1673 01:15:07,257 --> 01:15:08,926 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1674 01:15:09,468 --> 01:15:11,261 MAURA: Hey. How's everything going? 1675 01:15:11,303 --> 01:15:13,931 KATE: I'm crushing it. How's the man-harvest going? 1676 01:15:13,972 --> 01:15:15,349 James is so hot. 1677 01:15:15,432 --> 01:15:18,435 My high school heart cramp has turned into a heart-on. 1678 01:15:18,560 --> 01:15:21,647 I have a heart-on for him. I have a raging heart-on. 1679 01:15:21,730 --> 01:15:23,649 -I don't get it. Explain it more. -I have a... 1680 01:15:23,732 --> 01:15:25,651 KATE: Who the hell did that? MAURA: I did. 1681 01:15:26,401 --> 01:15:28,529 You are so badass! 1682 01:15:28,612 --> 01:15:29,947 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1683 01:15:30,030 --> 01:15:31,448 BOTH: Fuck the Geernts! 1684 01:15:31,490 --> 01:15:32,908 Okay, I'm gonna dive back in. Bye! 1685 01:15:32,950 --> 01:15:34,451 BRINDA: Fucking party. 1686 01:15:34,535 --> 01:15:36,078 (SLOSHING) 1687 01:15:41,500 --> 01:15:42,835 Jackpot. 1688 01:15:48,632 --> 01:15:50,717 (EVIL LAUGHTER) 1689 01:16:00,060 --> 01:16:02,271 Foam party! 1690 01:16:02,312 --> 01:16:04,815 Strip it down, town! 1691 01:16:04,982 --> 01:16:06,316 (PHONE RINGING) 1692 01:16:06,483 --> 01:16:07,860 Oh, shit. It's my parents! 1693 01:16:07,943 --> 01:16:10,821 Shut the fuck up! It's her parents! 1694 01:16:10,904 --> 01:16:15,450 Everyone, I'm gonna sneeze, shut the fuck up! 1695 01:16:15,492 --> 01:16:16,493 (IMITATES SNEEZE) 1696 01:16:16,618 --> 01:16:17,661 (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER) 1697 01:16:18,662 --> 01:16:19,830 (CLEARS THROAT) 1698 01:16:19,913 --> 01:16:20,914 Hello? 1699 01:16:20,998 --> 01:16:24,042 -Hi! -You're home! We're coming over. 1700 01:16:24,126 --> 01:16:26,086 Oh, no, don't come over. 1701 01:16:26,170 --> 01:16:29,590 We're just in our pj's watching Risky Business. 1702 01:16:29,673 --> 01:16:35,137 Maura told us the wonderful news about you and Haley moving to Orlando! 1703 01:16:35,846 --> 01:16:37,556 And you got a job! 1704 01:16:37,639 --> 01:16:39,391 Not hers to tell, but okay. 1705 01:16:39,474 --> 01:16:42,019 Your dad and I got an idea. 1706 01:16:42,144 --> 01:16:44,062 And we're only medium drunk. 1707 01:16:44,146 --> 01:16:45,856 Could you headline news it for me? 1708 01:16:45,981 --> 01:16:47,149 Yes. 1709 01:16:47,441 --> 01:16:51,862 We are gonna give you 50% of the money from the sale of the house 1710 01:16:51,904 --> 01:16:55,699 and then we're gonna use the other 50% to pay off the condo. 1711 01:16:55,782 --> 01:16:57,492 And we're leaving Maura the stocks. 1712 01:16:57,701 --> 01:17:00,579 DEANNA: We thought that you could use the money 1713 01:17:00,662 --> 01:17:03,207 to buy a little house for you and Haley. 1714 01:17:03,290 --> 01:17:07,211 Would I have to pay the money back? Or would it be more of a "wink-wink" loan? 1715 01:17:07,294 --> 01:17:08,504 We're giving it to you. 1716 01:17:08,545 --> 01:17:09,588 For free. 1717 01:17:09,671 --> 01:17:10,756 DEANNA: As a love gift. 1718 01:17:10,839 --> 01:17:13,425 That solves a lot of things. 1719 01:17:14,468 --> 01:17:16,720 Okay, I got to go now. Thanks so much. 1720 01:17:16,762 --> 01:17:17,846 DEANNA: Okle dokle. 1721 01:17:17,930 --> 01:17:22,100 Wash and dry any tea cups you use, and we're very happy for you, honey. 1722 01:17:22,184 --> 01:17:23,393 Okay, thanks, bye! 1723 01:17:23,477 --> 01:17:24,478 (CHUCKLES) 1724 01:17:24,978 --> 01:17:26,688 Holy shit. 1725 01:17:29,316 --> 01:17:31,401 (GUESTS CHEERING) 1726 01:17:35,155 --> 01:17:37,074 Holy shit. 1727 01:17:37,157 --> 01:17:39,243 ALL: (CHANTING) Rob, Rob, Rob! 1728 01:17:41,078 --> 01:17:42,079 I'm the bomb! 1729 01:17:42,120 --> 01:17:43,914 I'm the bomb! 1730 01:17:44,706 --> 01:17:47,251 I'm the bomb! I'm the bomb! 1731 01:17:53,465 --> 01:17:54,675 Okay, guys? 1732 01:17:54,758 --> 01:17:56,760 I'm actually gonna need everyone to just 1733 01:17:56,844 --> 01:18:00,264 start cleaning up the area where they're standing. 1734 01:18:08,730 --> 01:18:10,440 Everybody, gather round, okay? 1735 01:18:10,482 --> 01:18:11,984 I just smoked some 21st century pot. 1736 01:18:12,109 --> 01:18:13,652 (CHEERING) 1737 01:18:13,944 --> 01:18:15,904 -So I need to say my mind. -Make it quick. 1738 01:18:15,946 --> 01:18:17,781 Release your boobs! 1739 01:18:17,865 --> 01:18:19,533 No, my boobs are sleeping right now. 1740 01:18:19,616 --> 01:18:21,702 Six more weeks of winter! 1741 01:18:21,785 --> 01:18:25,956 I wanna thank my sister, Kate, for holding down the fort 1742 01:18:26,039 --> 01:18:28,917 and helping me have the best night of my life. 1743 01:18:28,959 --> 01:18:30,294 -(ALL CHEERING) -Wrapping it up. 1744 01:18:30,377 --> 01:18:31,920 In the spirit of my sister, 1745 01:18:31,962 --> 01:18:36,300 I encourage all of you to make your mark on this house tonight. 1746 01:18:36,341 --> 01:18:37,634 No, do not make your mark. 1747 01:18:37,759 --> 01:18:39,011 (ALL CHEERING) 1748 01:18:39,094 --> 01:18:40,137 Where's my handyman? 1749 01:18:40,220 --> 01:18:44,474 Hey. I like that you know who you are. And that you ask for what you want. 1750 01:18:44,558 --> 01:18:46,602 -And I think you're really cute. -Thank you. 1751 01:18:46,643 --> 01:18:48,896 But, whatever, dude. A lot of people are cute, so relax. 1752 01:18:48,979 --> 01:18:50,105 Okay. (CHUCKLING) 1753 01:18:50,147 --> 01:18:52,191 MAURA: Anyway, seriously, you guys. 1754 01:18:52,316 --> 01:18:55,986 Remember who you really are and be that you! 1755 01:18:56,069 --> 01:18:57,279 (CHEERING) 1756 01:18:57,321 --> 01:18:58,989 -Be that what? -ALL: (CHANTING) You! 1757 01:18:59,072 --> 01:19:00,866 -What that you? -ALL: (CHANTING) Be! 1758 01:19:00,949 --> 01:19:02,367 Be what you? 1759 01:19:02,451 --> 01:19:03,535 ALL: (HESITANTLY) That! 1760 01:19:03,619 --> 01:19:04,661 MALE GUEST: You! 1761 01:19:04,745 --> 01:19:06,747 (SCREAMING) It's "that," it's fucking "be that you!" 1762 01:19:06,830 --> 01:19:09,541 -Be that you! Be that you! Be that you! -DAVE: All right, don't yell at me. 1763 01:19:09,625 --> 01:19:11,168 -I just did it three times! -Don't yell at me! 1764 01:19:11,251 --> 01:19:12,336 Who's yelling? 1765 01:19:12,419 --> 01:19:15,214 -One more time. Be what you? -ALL: (CHANTING) That! 1766 01:19:15,297 --> 01:19:16,882 You got it! I'm out. 1767 01:19:18,842 --> 01:19:21,512 Thank you. Good night. We are closed. 1768 01:19:21,595 --> 01:19:23,639 Take the party outside! 1769 01:19:24,139 --> 01:19:26,016 (CHEERING) 1770 01:19:26,517 --> 01:19:27,518 KATE: No, that way. 1771 01:19:27,601 --> 01:19:28,727 Guys, that way! 1772 01:19:29,102 --> 01:19:30,229 (CLATTERING) 1773 01:19:35,442 --> 01:19:37,986 -I liked your speech. -I'm meeting you in the bedroom. 1774 01:19:38,654 --> 01:19:40,864 I'm going in there to fix the drywall. (CHUCKLES) 1775 01:19:40,906 --> 01:19:43,325 (MUFFLED) Okay. Okay. 1776 01:19:44,368 --> 01:19:46,370 -(CHUCKLES) Excuse me, please. -(MUFFLED) Excuse me. 1777 01:19:48,664 --> 01:19:51,458 Alex, take your dick out of the paint, right this minute! 1778 01:19:51,542 --> 01:19:54,044 No! I'm gonna draw suh-in! 1779 01:19:55,045 --> 01:19:57,089 I'm like a little Pablo Dickasso! 1780 01:19:57,172 --> 01:19:58,632 (SLOSHING) 1781 01:19:59,383 --> 01:20:01,093 (GRUNTING) Hey, man. I got you. Shit! 1782 01:20:01,176 --> 01:20:02,636 (LAUGHING) 1783 01:20:02,719 --> 01:20:03,846 (GLASS SHATTERS) 1784 01:20:04,388 --> 01:20:07,391 Yes, my neighbors are having a loud party, and I'd like to complain. 1785 01:20:07,891 --> 01:20:09,518 I need you to shut it down. 1786 01:20:09,601 --> 01:20:10,936 (POLICE SIREN BLARING) 1787 01:20:11,144 --> 01:20:12,187 KATE: Oh, man. 1788 01:20:12,229 --> 01:20:14,147 Who called the cops? 1789 01:20:15,148 --> 01:20:17,234 Having a pretty big party, huh? 1790 01:20:17,317 --> 01:20:19,695 Oh, is 500 people too much? 1791 01:20:19,736 --> 01:20:21,154 MAURA: PoPo! PoPo! 1792 01:20:21,405 --> 01:20:23,490 Oh, somebody call a stripper? 1793 01:20:23,574 --> 01:20:25,993 You gonna take your clothes off for us? You can't come in here. 1794 01:20:26,076 --> 01:20:28,328 -Without the judge signing the thing. -I got this. 1795 01:20:28,412 --> 01:20:29,580 This is where I live. 1796 01:20:29,663 --> 01:20:31,039 -This is our house. -Yep. 1797 01:20:31,081 --> 01:20:35,169 This where we live, okay? And this is our property for the next 24 hours. 1798 01:20:35,252 --> 01:20:37,838 A lot of sex is gonna happen. A lot of sexy times. 1799 01:20:37,921 --> 01:20:39,131 You can't stop that. 1800 01:20:39,214 --> 01:20:41,300 Last time I checked, sex wasn't against the law, 1801 01:20:41,383 --> 01:20:43,177 as much as you would love that, wouldn't you? 1802 01:20:43,260 --> 01:20:45,053 -Maura, please behave. -Why don't you step off, blue? 1803 01:20:45,095 --> 01:20:47,264 Don't you know I'm loco? Shit! 1804 01:20:47,306 --> 01:20:48,515 KATE: Now we know that. 1805 01:20:48,599 --> 01:20:49,600 MAURA: Officer Donuts. 1806 01:20:49,641 --> 01:20:53,020 Why don't you go back into your squad car and go save a kitten from a tree, 1807 01:20:53,103 --> 01:20:54,897 because these pussies are doing fine. 1808 01:20:55,189 --> 01:20:57,316 All right? Clean the donuts out of your ears 1809 01:20:57,399 --> 01:20:59,193 and hear the words that are coming out of my mouth. 1810 01:20:59,276 --> 01:21:03,155 I will protect my all's property from all y'all and that's including moi. 1811 01:21:03,447 --> 01:21:04,448 That means "me." 1812 01:21:04,489 --> 01:21:06,241 -It means "me." -I don't... It doesn't mean you. 1813 01:21:06,283 --> 01:21:08,785 I don't need to protect anything from her. That's my sister. 1814 01:21:08,827 --> 01:21:11,079 -Right. -From the same mister, who's our dad. 1815 01:21:11,330 --> 01:21:13,999 So, wrap your mind around that, Cap'n Crunch. 1816 01:21:14,082 --> 01:21:15,125 Capeach? 1817 01:21:15,209 --> 01:21:17,294 I know something about you. You're a nice person, right? 1818 01:21:17,377 --> 01:21:21,548 And you look like a Ken doll, hopefully with the genitals. Fingers crossed. 1819 01:21:21,632 --> 01:21:24,468 You've picked a very great profession. And I salute you. 1820 01:21:24,593 --> 01:21:26,595 But you know what? This is how I'll salute you. 1821 01:21:26,637 --> 01:21:28,514 Like this. I'm sorry. 1822 01:21:28,597 --> 01:21:30,057 KATE: Wait, that didn't happen, nobody saw that. 1823 01:21:30,140 --> 01:21:31,183 MAURA: I got this. 1824 01:21:31,266 --> 01:21:32,809 -What are you writing down? -Nothing. It's my pad. 1825 01:21:32,851 --> 01:21:34,186 MAURA: Here, I have something you should write down. 1826 01:21:34,269 --> 01:21:35,562 E-A-T. 1827 01:21:36,772 --> 01:21:37,773 S-H-I-T. 1828 01:21:37,814 --> 01:21:42,110 Okay, my sister is clearly riding the ditch at this late hour. 1829 01:21:42,152 --> 01:21:43,654 Can you shut this shit down? 1830 01:21:43,695 --> 01:21:45,239 (STAMMERS) Was that Maura Ellis? 1831 01:21:45,322 --> 01:21:46,323 Yeah. 1832 01:21:46,365 --> 01:21:47,449 (CHUCKLES) 1833 01:21:47,658 --> 01:21:50,702 She went to the sophomore formal with my cousin who has spina bifida. 1834 01:21:50,786 --> 01:21:52,496 Of course she did! 1835 01:21:52,538 --> 01:21:55,457 She is a lovely person. He still talks about it. 1836 01:21:55,499 --> 01:21:57,209 -Yeah. -(CHUCKLES) You know what? 1837 01:21:58,627 --> 01:21:59,837 You guys enjoy your party. 1838 01:21:59,878 --> 01:22:01,630 No. No, no. 1839 01:22:01,672 --> 01:22:02,840 No. No! Wait! 1840 01:22:02,881 --> 01:22:06,593 There's a drunk, blind guy swinging a gun around! 1841 01:22:06,677 --> 01:22:08,178 (CHUCKLES) No way. Enjoy! 1842 01:22:08,262 --> 01:22:10,013 Fuck! (SIGHS) 1843 01:22:15,936 --> 01:22:16,937 MAURA: Hey. 1844 01:22:17,020 --> 01:22:18,522 How's it going in here? 1845 01:22:18,605 --> 01:22:20,023 Good, I think. 1846 01:22:20,107 --> 01:22:21,692 Yeah, I think you're all set. 1847 01:22:21,733 --> 01:22:24,194 I'm gonna have to come back tomorrow and finish this, 1848 01:22:24,236 --> 01:22:28,365 because I am drunk and stoned. 1849 01:22:28,448 --> 01:22:30,367 -Well, I'm totally sober, so. -(CHUCKLES) Yeah. 1850 01:22:30,409 --> 01:22:31,618 I did a really bad job. 1851 01:22:31,702 --> 01:22:33,579 You're very tall. How tall are you? 1852 01:22:34,162 --> 01:22:37,875 About 6'3". With the ladder, about 7'6". 1853 01:22:38,083 --> 01:22:39,793 -(CHUCKLES) -So, I'm just gonna... 1854 01:22:40,419 --> 01:22:42,671 Thanks so much for cleaning this all up. 1855 01:22:43,589 --> 01:22:44,673 Oh, yeah. 1856 01:22:46,383 --> 01:22:49,386 Do you wanna keep working off the clock? 1857 01:22:49,803 --> 01:22:51,805 -Yeah. -Because my bed is broken. 1858 01:22:51,889 --> 01:22:52,973 Do you want me to fix it? 1859 01:22:53,056 --> 01:22:54,057 Yeah. Lock the door. 1860 01:22:56,101 --> 01:22:59,563 People, I'm in charge here, and I say it's over. 1861 01:22:59,688 --> 01:23:02,858 Okay? We had a great time. Let's wrap it up. 1862 01:23:02,900 --> 01:23:03,942 ALL: (IN UNISON) No! 1863 01:23:04,902 --> 01:23:07,321 Why? What? 1864 01:23:10,073 --> 01:23:11,783 This is such a brilliant idea! 1865 01:23:11,867 --> 01:23:12,868 Free slicking. 1866 01:23:15,120 --> 01:23:17,915 I wish we had some lubricant. 1867 01:23:19,875 --> 01:23:21,084 What perfume is on you? 1868 01:23:21,126 --> 01:23:22,586 -You like that? -Yeah, I do. 1869 01:23:22,669 --> 01:23:27,090 It's Risky by Jennifer Love Hewitt. You can only get it at Kohl's. 1870 01:23:27,132 --> 01:23:30,594 I'm wearing Erection by Calvin Klein. 1871 01:23:30,636 --> 01:23:34,431 I cannot! 1872 01:23:36,558 --> 01:23:40,604 What did I ever do to you to make you abhor me so? 1873 01:23:40,646 --> 01:23:42,064 Are you seriously asking? 1874 01:23:42,147 --> 01:23:44,900 -You probably don't remember. -Oh, I remember. 1875 01:23:44,942 --> 01:23:47,653 We were about to have the best Ellis Island party ever 1876 01:23:47,736 --> 01:23:50,739 because my cousin met John Stamos at Disney and he was coming. 1877 01:23:50,781 --> 01:23:53,408 But you narced to your cop dad. 1878 01:23:53,450 --> 01:23:55,494 I narced because he made me! 1879 01:23:55,577 --> 01:23:57,287 How? How did he even know? 1880 01:23:57,412 --> 01:24:00,624 Because when I found out that I wasn't invited to your party 1881 01:24:00,666 --> 01:24:05,045 it hurt me so very deep, that I threw up really hard. 1882 01:24:05,128 --> 01:24:07,214 Why didn't you invite me? 1883 01:24:08,799 --> 01:24:11,260 (SQUEALS) Why? 1884 01:24:11,927 --> 01:24:14,304 I was kind and clean! 1885 01:24:14,388 --> 01:24:16,932 -And I got mostly B's! -I know, I cheated off you. 1886 01:24:16,974 --> 01:24:19,810 And then you decided that I was a "no." 1887 01:24:19,852 --> 01:24:22,896 And then everybody decided that I was a "no"! 1888 01:24:22,980 --> 01:24:26,441 And then guess who decided that I was a "no"? 1889 01:24:26,525 --> 01:24:27,818 The Bachelor? 1890 01:24:28,110 --> 01:24:29,152 Me. 1891 01:24:29,987 --> 01:24:34,783 So, I have decided that tonight I deserve to be here. 1892 01:24:35,909 --> 01:24:38,620 Tonight, I am a "yes." 1893 01:24:39,663 --> 01:24:42,457 I am a "hell yes"! 1894 01:24:42,499 --> 01:24:44,960 I am a "yeah." 1895 01:24:45,002 --> 01:24:47,004 I am a "hell yeah." 1896 01:24:47,087 --> 01:24:49,089 I am a "fuck to the yeah"! 1897 01:24:49,173 --> 01:24:51,884 -Wordsmith. -I am a "yippie-ki-yay yes"! 1898 01:24:52,926 --> 01:24:54,469 And you know what the saddest part is? 1899 01:24:54,511 --> 01:24:56,680 -Your vagina? -No. 1900 01:24:56,763 --> 01:24:58,307 The saddest part 1901 01:24:59,183 --> 01:25:02,019 is that you and I used to have a blast in grade school. 1902 01:25:02,060 --> 01:25:04,563 And we would probably still be friends 1903 01:25:04,646 --> 01:25:07,608 if you weren't such a selfish hothead. 1904 01:25:07,691 --> 01:25:11,445 I am not a selfish hothead! 1905 01:25:12,070 --> 01:25:13,864 -Put that phone down! Give me that. -No! 1906 01:25:13,906 --> 01:25:16,241 -Give me that phone! Give me that! -No! Don't touch my phone. 1907 01:25:16,700 --> 01:25:18,368 (YELLING) Maura! Maura! 1908 01:25:20,162 --> 01:25:21,538 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1909 01:25:23,665 --> 01:25:25,375 Hi, honey. 1910 01:25:25,459 --> 01:25:27,044 HALEY: Hi, Mom, I'm here. 1911 01:25:27,127 --> 01:25:28,378 I'm at Gram and Gramps'. 1912 01:25:28,462 --> 01:25:31,548 -You're here? In Orlando? -Yeah. 1913 01:25:31,632 --> 01:25:33,717 Oh, great. Okay. 1914 01:25:33,759 --> 01:25:35,886 They told me that they're gonna help us get a house. 1915 01:25:35,928 --> 01:25:38,222 Do you want me to come down there and we can talk about it? 1916 01:25:38,305 --> 01:25:41,892 Uh, we're all pretty wiped from packing. 1917 01:25:41,975 --> 01:25:43,519 You know, I would say maybe just get some rest and... 1918 01:25:43,560 --> 01:25:45,354 So come over in the morning. 1919 01:25:45,437 --> 01:25:47,898 Wait. You want me to come there in the morning? 1920 01:25:47,940 --> 01:25:50,067 You have been begging me for weeks to tell you where I am, 1921 01:25:50,108 --> 01:25:51,735 and now that I'm here you're gonna blow me off? 1922 01:25:51,818 --> 01:25:52,945 No, I'm not blowing you off! 1923 01:25:53,028 --> 01:25:55,697 I'm so excited! We're getting a house, and you're gonna have your own room. 1924 01:25:55,739 --> 01:25:57,866 I got a baloney dick! 1925 01:25:57,908 --> 01:25:59,910 -Who has a baloney dick? -Nobody. 1926 01:26:01,370 --> 01:26:03,038 HALEY: Are you at a party right now? 1927 01:26:03,956 --> 01:26:06,625 Earlier. We had a packing cookout. 1928 01:26:06,708 --> 01:26:09,002 Cookout with your cock out. 1929 01:26:09,419 --> 01:26:10,587 (WHISPERS) I'm on the phone! 1930 01:26:10,712 --> 01:26:15,551 You say that you want a fresh start and everyone is trying to help us out, 1931 01:26:15,592 --> 01:26:17,594 and this is how you thank them? 1932 01:26:17,678 --> 01:26:20,180 -It's not what you think. -No, it's exactly what I think. 1933 01:26:20,264 --> 01:26:22,391 I start trusting you again and then you turn around 1934 01:26:22,432 --> 01:26:25,185 and you start acting like one of the Real Housewives of Orange County. 1935 01:26:25,269 --> 01:26:27,646 Can you just give me a chance to make it right? 1936 01:26:27,729 --> 01:26:30,190 No! I don't wanna live with my loser mom who parties. 1937 01:26:31,775 --> 01:26:34,528 You know what? Tonight, I'm actually the only person who's not partying. 1938 01:26:35,779 --> 01:26:37,281 Yeah, right. 1939 01:26:37,990 --> 01:26:38,991 (RETCHES) 1940 01:26:44,162 --> 01:26:45,747 Fuck it. 1941 01:26:49,835 --> 01:26:52,045 ALL: Kate! Kate! Kate! 1942 01:26:55,382 --> 01:26:56,633 (ALL CHEERING) 1943 01:26:59,261 --> 01:27:01,054 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 1944 01:27:17,988 --> 01:27:20,991 Hey. Lollapazuzu, I'm partying now. 1945 01:27:21,074 --> 01:27:22,284 You ready for me? 1946 01:27:22,326 --> 01:27:23,827 I've been ready. 1947 01:27:23,911 --> 01:27:26,038 My safe word is "Keep going." 1948 01:27:26,121 --> 01:27:28,207 -I don't need one. -You will. 1949 01:27:30,292 --> 01:27:31,627 I don't have insurance. 1950 01:27:31,668 --> 01:27:32,794 (ALL CHEERING) 1951 01:27:48,060 --> 01:27:49,561 (ALL CHEERING) 1952 01:27:57,444 --> 01:27:59,154 (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) 1953 01:28:04,952 --> 01:28:07,913 You have such a good, solid, man face. 1954 01:28:07,996 --> 01:28:09,790 -I'm gonna do stuff to you right now. -You are? 1955 01:28:09,873 --> 01:28:10,874 -Yes. -Okay. 1956 01:28:10,958 --> 01:28:12,042 Put your pants off. I'm sorry. 1957 01:28:12,084 --> 01:28:13,544 I meant to say that a little smoother 1958 01:28:13,585 --> 01:28:15,295 but I'm very, very drunk, plus stoned. Let's go. 1959 01:28:15,379 --> 01:28:17,381 Just open up your parts. Put your pants off. 1960 01:28:17,422 --> 01:28:19,049 No, no, no. I'm putting them off right now. 1961 01:28:19,091 --> 01:28:20,384 -Yep, here we go. -Yeah! 1962 01:28:20,676 --> 01:28:22,052 (SCREAMING) 1963 01:28:23,011 --> 01:28:24,513 (ALL CHEERING) 1964 01:28:26,014 --> 01:28:27,057 You have kids? 1965 01:28:27,140 --> 01:28:31,019 Two girls in Korea. Oh, I miss them bad. 1966 01:28:31,395 --> 01:28:32,896 So far. 1967 01:28:32,938 --> 01:28:36,650 I put their hairs in my bra. 1968 01:28:36,733 --> 01:28:40,320 I miss how my daughter smells when she has wet hair. 1969 01:28:41,530 --> 01:28:43,073 -She die? -No. 1970 01:28:44,032 --> 01:28:47,536 I haven't been able to find her, like, all summer. 1971 01:28:47,578 --> 01:28:49,413 That is fucked up. 1972 01:28:49,496 --> 01:28:51,623 Don't judge me. Your kids are in another country. 1973 01:28:51,707 --> 01:28:53,208 That's fucked up. 1974 01:28:53,959 --> 01:28:57,880 I work my butt to save my kids 1975 01:28:58,422 --> 01:29:00,257 so they can come live with me. 1976 01:29:00,757 --> 01:29:02,968 I used to be pediatric radiologist. 1977 01:29:03,427 --> 01:29:04,428 What? 1978 01:29:04,469 --> 01:29:06,930 What do you do for your kid? 1979 01:29:07,347 --> 01:29:08,348 Hmm? 1980 01:29:15,564 --> 01:29:16,815 (SNIFFS) 1981 01:29:19,610 --> 01:29:20,611 You wanna hug? 1982 01:29:23,906 --> 01:29:25,949 Yeah, give this messy bitch a hug. 1983 01:29:26,033 --> 01:29:27,659 Katie, what's the matter, baby? 1984 01:29:28,368 --> 01:29:31,538 Aw, look at you. Don't cry. It's gonna make me cry. 1985 01:29:31,622 --> 01:29:34,791 People are really working their shit out at this thing. 1986 01:29:34,833 --> 01:29:36,668 This is like Korean drama. 1987 01:29:37,586 --> 01:29:39,213 Heads up! Whoo! 1988 01:29:55,896 --> 01:29:57,314 You're out of booze. 1989 01:29:58,023 --> 01:29:59,983 (SIGHS) I'm on it. 1990 01:30:00,984 --> 01:30:02,861 Party mom to the rescue. 1991 01:30:02,945 --> 01:30:04,821 Okay, we're gonna get started in one second. 1992 01:30:04,863 --> 01:30:05,948 -Okay. -(LAUGHS) 1993 01:30:06,698 --> 01:30:07,699 Hello. 1994 01:30:08,242 --> 01:30:10,327 -(LAUGHING) -Hey, you're number one. 1995 01:30:10,410 --> 01:30:11,995 Okay, let's take it up a notch. 1996 01:30:12,037 --> 01:30:14,831 -Okay, you know what time it is? -No. 1997 01:30:14,915 --> 01:30:17,042 -It's candle play time. -Uh-oh! (LAUGHS) 1998 01:30:18,669 --> 01:30:21,839 I should warn you that this did not go well 1999 01:30:21,922 --> 01:30:24,049 when I was having sex with Frankenstein. (LAUGHING) 2000 01:30:25,133 --> 01:30:26,134 Fire bad. 2001 01:30:26,176 --> 01:30:27,302 -Oh. Ah. -Yeah, I'm ready. 2002 01:30:27,678 --> 01:30:28,679 Oh! (LAUGHING) 2003 01:30:28,762 --> 01:30:31,682 I didn't think... That's wild. That's wild. 2004 01:30:31,723 --> 01:30:33,809 Oh, God. I didn't think I was gonna like it, but I like it. 2005 01:30:33,851 --> 01:30:35,269 How does this sucker not stay lit? 2006 01:30:35,352 --> 01:30:37,104 Okay. Hold the sex phone. 2007 01:30:37,604 --> 01:30:39,356 All right. Just getting into it. 2008 01:30:39,439 --> 01:30:41,108 Oh, look who we have here. 2009 01:30:41,191 --> 01:30:42,693 -Garfield! -(LAUGHS) 2010 01:30:42,776 --> 01:30:44,236 -Garfield always comes through. -Yeah, he's... 2011 01:30:44,319 --> 01:30:46,029 -He's gonna help us out. (SCREAMING) -Oh, God! 2012 01:30:47,573 --> 01:30:48,574 Oh, God! 2013 01:30:49,157 --> 01:30:50,158 Shit. Fuck! 2014 01:30:50,576 --> 01:30:52,160 Oh! No! Shit! 2015 01:30:52,953 --> 01:30:54,288 (GASPS) 2016 01:30:54,371 --> 01:30:55,873 (SCREAMS) 2017 01:30:55,956 --> 01:30:57,332 My God! 2018 01:30:57,374 --> 01:30:59,001 (SCREAMING) 2019 01:31:01,086 --> 01:31:02,129 Oh, fuck! 2020 01:31:02,212 --> 01:31:04,047 -Did you fall on something sharp? -Yeah, yeah, yeah! 2021 01:31:04,089 --> 01:31:08,093 Okay, did it go up inside of you by way of your rectum? 2022 01:31:08,177 --> 01:31:09,553 Yeah, I think so. 2023 01:31:09,595 --> 01:31:14,349 It feels like a small trophy or... (GRUNTS) A collectible. 2024 01:31:14,600 --> 01:31:17,227 James, I am a nurse. Okay? 2025 01:31:17,686 --> 01:31:20,063 I can get whatever is up there out. 2026 01:31:20,147 --> 01:31:21,565 No, I don't want you to look. 2027 01:31:22,107 --> 01:31:25,402 It's not Maura, the woman that you were kissing who's gonna look. 2028 01:31:25,485 --> 01:31:27,321 -It's a nurse who just got here. -Okay. 2029 01:31:27,404 --> 01:31:30,073 Hello, sir. Nice to meet you for the first time. 2030 01:31:30,115 --> 01:31:31,825 -(SCREAMING) -Okay. All right. Okay. 2031 01:31:31,909 --> 01:31:34,953 I'm just gonna roll you over so I can examine your rectum. 2032 01:31:35,037 --> 01:31:36,747 Okay. Stop. Stop saying rectum. 2033 01:31:37,247 --> 01:31:39,833 -I'm gonna get it out, whatever it is. -Mmm-hmm. Okay. 2034 01:31:39,917 --> 01:31:41,168 So I'm just gonna twist it, and pull it out slowly. 2035 01:31:41,251 --> 01:31:42,252 Mmm-hmm. 2036 01:31:42,294 --> 01:31:43,545 Just breathe. 2037 01:31:43,962 --> 01:31:45,172 (WINDING) 2038 01:31:45,255 --> 01:31:46,924 (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) 2039 01:31:48,425 --> 01:31:49,885 It's a music box. 2040 01:31:51,094 --> 01:31:52,137 Yep. 2041 01:31:52,721 --> 01:31:54,765 -It's my ballerina music box. -Mmm-hmm. 2042 01:31:55,724 --> 01:31:59,019 And she's in high-fifth position, which is why she went in so easily. 2043 01:31:59,102 --> 01:32:00,103 Okay. 2044 01:32:00,646 --> 01:32:03,774 Is it past the tutu? 2045 01:32:06,026 --> 01:32:07,110 -Yeah. -Mmm. 2046 01:32:07,194 --> 01:32:08,987 That's why it's catching. 2047 01:32:09,071 --> 01:32:11,448 So, okay, James, I'm gonna try something here. 2048 01:32:11,532 --> 01:32:13,116 -No. Nah, I'm good. -It's okay. 2049 01:32:13,200 --> 01:32:14,451 I know, I know. Just give me a second. 2050 01:32:14,535 --> 01:32:15,619 -Okay, hold on! -(SCREAMS) 2051 01:32:15,661 --> 01:32:18,956 That's turning inside me! Just let it wind down. 2052 01:32:18,997 --> 01:32:20,749 -(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) -(EXHALES) 2053 01:32:31,051 --> 01:32:32,511 I think it's almost done. 2054 01:32:32,594 --> 01:32:35,430 It's Swiss-made, so it may take a while. 2055 01:32:36,849 --> 01:32:39,309 How long is this fucking song? 2056 01:32:39,393 --> 01:32:41,311 It really is a beautiful melody. 2057 01:32:41,645 --> 01:32:44,231 Beethoven. What a... What a genius. 2058 01:32:45,023 --> 01:32:46,024 Mmm-hmm. 2059 01:32:47,526 --> 01:32:49,778 And we're do... Nope. 2060 01:32:50,445 --> 01:32:51,947 -It went around again. -Yeah. 2061 01:32:51,989 --> 01:32:53,866 Okay, you know what? I'm gonna hop up. 2062 01:32:53,949 --> 01:32:55,576 -Okay. You got it? -Yeah, I got it. Yeah, no, no. 2063 01:32:56,493 --> 01:32:58,579 -It didn't happen. It never happened. -(SCREAMING) 2064 01:32:58,662 --> 01:33:00,247 James, seriously. 2065 01:33:00,330 --> 01:33:02,416 Be gentle. Be very, very careful. 2066 01:33:02,499 --> 01:33:05,085 -I'm gonna borrow this. -Let's not make this the headline of the night. 2067 01:33:05,169 --> 01:33:06,503 We are gonna laugh about this someday. 2068 01:33:06,587 --> 01:33:09,631 You know, that is not the worst rectal accident I've ever seen. 2069 01:33:09,673 --> 01:33:10,924 Thanks for that. 2070 01:33:11,008 --> 01:33:13,510 Thanks for cleaning up the fucking gel, Kate! 2071 01:33:13,552 --> 01:33:15,429 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 2072 01:33:15,512 --> 01:33:17,097 Holy shit. 2073 01:33:17,181 --> 01:33:18,932 -Help me wash it off. -Yeah? 2074 01:33:19,933 --> 01:33:20,934 Kate? 2075 01:33:21,685 --> 01:33:22,936 Has anyone seen my sister? 2076 01:33:23,020 --> 01:33:25,397 She's sober and she needs to drive us to the hospital. 2077 01:33:25,522 --> 01:33:28,275 (ROARS) I think I got the gangrene. 2078 01:33:28,358 --> 01:33:30,485 I might have fucked a copy machine! 2079 01:33:30,527 --> 01:33:31,945 Good Lord. 2080 01:33:32,029 --> 01:33:33,113 Are you okay? 2081 01:33:33,197 --> 01:33:35,490 I swallowed my wedding ring! 2082 01:33:38,327 --> 01:33:39,536 Where's my purse? 2083 01:33:39,578 --> 01:33:40,704 (CELL PHONE CHIMES) 2084 01:33:44,875 --> 01:33:45,959 Hmm? 2085 01:33:49,671 --> 01:33:54,051 HALEY: Hey, Aunt Maura. I just landed in Orlando! Thanks for our conversation. 2086 01:33:54,134 --> 01:33:57,304 I'm glad you talked me into coming down. I do trust you. 2087 01:33:57,387 --> 01:33:59,056 I set the alarm at your condo, 2088 01:33:59,139 --> 01:34:01,767 and I gave my keys to your pet-sitter, like you told me. 2089 01:34:01,892 --> 01:34:05,312 And I sent you a picture of me and Polenta. She misses you. 2090 01:34:10,859 --> 01:34:12,402 Oh, hell no. 2091 01:34:12,486 --> 01:34:14,947 Where is my purse? Have you seen it anywhere? 2092 01:34:15,030 --> 01:34:16,031 It was just here. 2093 01:34:16,865 --> 01:34:17,866 -(HISSES) -(SCREAMS) 2094 01:34:20,077 --> 01:34:21,119 Oh, shit. 2095 01:34:21,245 --> 01:34:23,080 More stevia! 2096 01:34:23,121 --> 01:34:24,790 Cloud Nine didn't have this glitch in it. 2097 01:34:25,999 --> 01:34:27,334 Hey! Calm down. 2098 01:34:28,585 --> 01:34:29,586 Oh, steamroller! 2099 01:34:30,254 --> 01:34:31,672 Steamroller! 2100 01:34:32,756 --> 01:34:34,383 Santa, help me! 2101 01:34:34,758 --> 01:34:36,176 (SHOUTING) 2102 01:34:41,932 --> 01:34:43,392 (GRUNTING) 2103 01:34:43,433 --> 01:34:45,394 Okay, good night. 2104 01:34:45,435 --> 01:34:46,436 Good night, sweet prince. 2105 01:34:52,442 --> 01:34:53,443 James! 2106 01:34:54,903 --> 01:34:55,904 James. 2107 01:34:57,447 --> 01:34:58,949 James, let me get you to a hospital. 2108 01:34:59,032 --> 01:35:00,033 -No, I'm all right. -The thing is... 2109 01:35:00,117 --> 01:35:02,327 Maura, thank you for your help, but I know what's best for me. 2110 01:35:02,536 --> 01:35:03,871 And right now... 2111 01:35:03,954 --> 01:35:06,832 I think I need to be alone with my asshole. 2112 01:35:06,915 --> 01:35:08,375 -Okay. -Good night, Maura. 2113 01:35:09,793 --> 01:35:13,005 ALEX: I need more stevia! 2114 01:35:13,088 --> 01:35:14,173 Where's Kate? 2115 01:35:14,256 --> 01:35:16,175 Oh, she went to go get booze. 2116 01:35:16,258 --> 01:35:17,509 She was pretty drunk. 2117 01:35:17,593 --> 01:35:20,304 -ALEX: Say hello to my little friend! -Of course she was. 2118 01:35:22,973 --> 01:35:26,143 (LAUGHS) Let's get this party started! 2119 01:35:27,060 --> 01:35:28,145 HAE-WON: He's on Cloud 10! 2120 01:35:28,562 --> 01:35:29,563 (GROANS) 2121 01:35:30,898 --> 01:35:31,899 I'm Alex. 2122 01:35:32,065 --> 01:35:35,027 We are going to dance floor to dance out the rat poison. 2123 01:35:35,110 --> 01:35:36,278 What the fuck? 2124 01:35:40,949 --> 01:35:43,410 Hey. I'm sorry. Hold on one second. Hold on one second. 2125 01:35:43,493 --> 01:35:44,828 -Mom? -Oh, my God! 2126 01:35:44,912 --> 01:35:46,121 Yeah, I'll be right there. 2127 01:35:46,163 --> 01:35:47,164 I'm kidding! 2128 01:35:47,247 --> 01:35:48,415 (ALL LAUGHING) 2129 01:35:49,917 --> 01:35:53,629 But thanks for finally laughing, you fucking assholes! (LAUGHS) 2130 01:35:58,842 --> 01:36:00,135 Oh, I'm gonna kill her! 2131 01:36:00,969 --> 01:36:04,014 Where's my sister? 2132 01:36:06,350 --> 01:36:07,351 Kate! 2133 01:36:07,434 --> 01:36:08,560 Girl fight! 2134 01:36:08,644 --> 01:36:09,853 Maura! 2135 01:36:09,937 --> 01:36:11,188 -Kate! -Maura! 2136 01:36:11,271 --> 01:36:12,397 Girl fight! 2137 01:36:12,481 --> 01:36:13,524 Where's my sister? 2138 01:36:15,359 --> 01:36:16,485 KELLY: Girl fight! 2139 01:36:27,538 --> 01:36:28,664 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 2140 01:36:29,206 --> 01:36:30,207 Go, go, go! 2141 01:36:36,255 --> 01:36:37,256 (SCREAMS) 2142 01:36:41,760 --> 01:36:43,262 (ALL CHEERING) 2143 01:36:46,890 --> 01:36:48,851 We did it, you guys. 2144 01:36:48,892 --> 01:36:50,686 We stopped time! 2145 01:36:52,104 --> 01:36:53,605 (ALL CHEERING) 2146 01:36:53,689 --> 01:36:55,566 It's snowing! 2147 01:36:56,400 --> 01:36:58,235 Yes! Yes! 2148 01:37:03,532 --> 01:37:05,158 DAVE: Oh, my God. You guys. 2149 01:37:05,325 --> 01:37:06,326 Sinkhole! 2150 01:37:07,911 --> 01:37:09,413 (ALL SCREAMING) 2151 01:37:17,087 --> 01:37:18,755 -MALE GUEST: Oh, shit! -(GASPS) 2152 01:37:19,173 --> 01:37:20,174 Look at this! 2153 01:37:20,340 --> 01:37:21,717 Oh, my God. 2154 01:37:21,884 --> 01:37:23,135 Oh, my God! 2155 01:37:23,218 --> 01:37:24,261 Oh, my God! 2156 01:37:24,428 --> 01:37:26,263 There's a sinkhole. There's a sinkhole. 2157 01:37:26,430 --> 01:37:27,681 Look at this. 2158 01:37:27,764 --> 01:37:29,433 You told me you were gonna take care of things 2159 01:37:29,474 --> 01:37:31,143 and you let everything go to shit. 2160 01:37:31,226 --> 01:37:32,394 Where did you go? 2161 01:37:32,436 --> 01:37:34,813 You were supposed to stay sober. I was supposed to get laid! 2162 01:37:34,980 --> 01:37:39,735 Oh, I'm so sorry that you couldn't get laid for the five millionth time in your life. 2163 01:37:39,860 --> 01:37:43,113 Oh, I get! I get my fucking dick when I want to. 2164 01:37:43,197 --> 01:37:44,781 Don't you ever pull that shit with me! 2165 01:37:44,948 --> 01:37:46,325 I know you get tons of dick! 2166 01:37:46,408 --> 01:37:48,952 -Just not tonight and not recently. -Mmm-hmm. 2167 01:37:49,328 --> 01:37:50,913 Where's my daughter, Maura? 2168 01:37:51,413 --> 01:37:52,831 Do you know? 2169 01:37:54,291 --> 01:37:55,292 No. 2170 01:37:55,501 --> 01:37:56,919 Look me in the eyes. 2171 01:37:59,838 --> 01:38:01,632 I don't know where she is. 2172 01:38:01,673 --> 01:38:04,343 You've always been a fucking terrible liar. 2173 01:38:04,510 --> 01:38:06,595 Where is my daughter, Maura? 2174 01:38:06,637 --> 01:38:08,597 She has been staying with me in Atlanta. 2175 01:38:08,639 --> 01:38:09,681 Since when? 2176 01:38:10,641 --> 01:38:11,642 June. 2177 01:38:12,809 --> 01:38:13,894 June. 2178 01:38:14,937 --> 01:38:18,440 You watched me worry about her like an idiot, 2179 01:38:18,482 --> 01:38:22,027 fucking texting her every day, and freaking out about her every day. 2180 01:38:22,110 --> 01:38:23,820 And she was living with you the whole time? 2181 01:38:23,862 --> 01:38:25,531 Okay, but the thing is, she didn't want you to know. 2182 01:38:25,614 --> 01:38:28,367 You're my sister! You should have told me she was safe! 2183 01:38:28,450 --> 01:38:32,162 She is. She was! The thing is, Haley needs... 2184 01:38:32,246 --> 01:38:35,123 Don't tell me what my daughter needs, okay? 2185 01:38:35,165 --> 01:38:38,335 Why don't you drive yourself to fucking Petco and find a fucking husband? 2186 01:38:38,752 --> 01:38:42,965 Or go breastfeed a squirrel, you sad excuse for a woman. 2187 01:38:44,007 --> 01:38:45,008 Oh. 2188 01:38:45,092 --> 01:38:46,093 MALE GUEST 2: Oh, shit! 2189 01:38:46,176 --> 01:38:47,427 (ALL GASPING) 2190 01:38:47,678 --> 01:38:49,179 (GRUNTING) 2191 01:38:51,598 --> 01:38:54,476 This reminds me of that movie we watched on our anniversary. 2192 01:38:56,436 --> 01:38:58,355 Ow! Ow! 2193 01:38:58,397 --> 01:38:59,523 My hip, my hip! 2194 01:38:59,565 --> 01:39:00,732 -Are you okay? -Yeah. 2195 01:39:00,816 --> 01:39:02,025 -Can you move it? -Yeah. 2196 01:39:02,109 --> 01:39:03,735 Good, because I'm gonna kill you! 2197 01:39:04,361 --> 01:39:06,822 I really hope Maura cracks her in half. 2198 01:39:06,864 --> 01:39:08,365 -Come on, Maura! -(HAWKING) 2199 01:39:08,448 --> 01:39:09,491 Don't you spit on me. 2200 01:39:09,658 --> 01:39:11,201 -Why are you hitting yourself? -Not cool! 2201 01:39:11,243 --> 01:39:15,080 Wait a second. I'm posting this shit straight on PoolsideBitchFights.com. 2202 01:39:16,665 --> 01:39:17,749 BRINDA: Kick her in the tits! 2203 01:39:17,833 --> 01:39:19,793 KATE: Haley is my kid, not yours! 2204 01:39:21,128 --> 01:39:22,129 God damn it! 2205 01:39:22,296 --> 01:39:23,672 What have you done to our house? 2206 01:39:23,714 --> 01:39:26,300 Stop that mud wrestling now! 2207 01:39:26,466 --> 01:39:27,801 HALEY: Mom, leave Aunt Maura alone. 2208 01:39:27,885 --> 01:39:29,386 I was doing just fine living with her. 2209 01:39:29,428 --> 01:39:30,721 I mean, ask Gram and Gramps. 2210 01:39:30,762 --> 01:39:33,348 You guys knew all along that she was living with Maura? 2211 01:39:33,390 --> 01:39:35,726 You lying mofos! 2212 01:39:35,893 --> 01:39:37,227 I'm gonna kill you. 2213 01:39:37,311 --> 01:39:39,521 Stop it. Stop it! We are fed up. 2214 01:39:39,563 --> 01:39:41,398 We have no energy for this goddamn shit. 2215 01:39:41,481 --> 01:39:43,233 -Smell that armpit. -DEANNA: Stop! 2216 01:39:43,275 --> 01:39:45,569 Our whole house looks like Pompeii, and you two are wrestling? 2217 01:39:45,736 --> 01:39:46,778 I'll tell you what. 2218 01:39:46,945 --> 01:39:49,990 Since we're all finally telling the goddamn truth, 2219 01:39:50,073 --> 01:39:51,283 here's our truth. 2220 01:39:51,450 --> 01:39:54,244 And we mean this from the bottom of our hearts. 2221 01:39:54,328 --> 01:39:57,748 We are so tired of the both of you. 2222 01:39:57,789 --> 01:40:00,751 We're so tired. We really are. 2223 01:40:00,834 --> 01:40:02,586 You know, everybody always said to us... 2224 01:40:02,628 --> 01:40:06,673 "Enjoy your kids while they're young because it goes so fast." 2225 01:40:06,757 --> 01:40:09,218 I don't know what the fuck they were talking about, 2226 01:40:09,259 --> 01:40:11,762 because it seems like we'll never be done. 2227 01:40:11,845 --> 01:40:14,681 We keep trying to pass you the baton. 2228 01:40:14,765 --> 01:40:16,433 You won't take it. 2229 01:40:16,475 --> 01:40:17,601 Take it! 2230 01:40:17,643 --> 01:40:20,646 Just take the fucking baton! 2231 01:40:21,688 --> 01:40:23,857 I agree. We all think you should take the baton, Kate. 2232 01:40:24,650 --> 01:40:26,777 Maura, cut the shit. We're talking to you, too. 2233 01:40:26,818 --> 01:40:28,612 -Me? -Yeah, you. 2234 01:40:28,654 --> 01:40:30,197 BUCKY: Go and live your life 2235 01:40:30,280 --> 01:40:33,700 and stop following us around like we're gonna die any minute. 2236 01:40:33,784 --> 01:40:35,327 Yeah, we probably have more sex 2237 01:40:35,410 --> 01:40:36,745 -than the both of you. -Yeah. 2238 01:40:36,787 --> 01:40:38,872 -Yeah. We interrupted one of your day-bangs. -We know! 2239 01:40:38,956 --> 01:40:40,207 Oh, my God! 2240 01:40:40,374 --> 01:40:41,542 You know, if it takes a village... 2241 01:40:41,708 --> 01:40:44,169 I want a different village, because this one sucks! 2242 01:40:44,336 --> 01:40:46,630 Why can't you guys just be... (SCREAMING) 2243 01:40:47,506 --> 01:40:48,507 (ALL GASPING) 2244 01:40:50,467 --> 01:40:51,885 -Haley! -DEANNA: Haley! 2245 01:40:51,969 --> 01:40:53,220 MAURA: Oh, God. DAVE: Oh, shit! 2246 01:40:53,303 --> 01:40:55,097 BRINDA: Oh, sweet Jesus! MAURA: Haley! 2247 01:40:55,138 --> 01:40:56,265 KATE: Haley? HALEY: Mom! 2248 01:40:56,306 --> 01:40:57,641 DEANNA: Bucky, do something! BUCKY: Haley! 2249 01:40:57,683 --> 01:40:58,684 Haley! 2250 01:40:58,767 --> 01:41:00,394 (ALL GASPING) 2251 01:41:00,477 --> 01:41:02,020 -DAVE: Oh, shit! -Kate! 2252 01:41:03,230 --> 01:41:04,815 PAZUZU: This party is unbelievable. 2253 01:41:04,857 --> 01:41:07,860 I am not going in to work tomorrow. TSA can kiss my ass. 2254 01:41:08,694 --> 01:41:12,322 Kate, I've been through this shit before when my condo sankholed. 2255 01:41:12,406 --> 01:41:14,032 I'm gonna talk you through it. 2256 01:41:14,199 --> 01:41:16,243 Your first instinct is gonna be 2257 01:41:16,326 --> 01:41:18,453 just to go to sleep and deal with it in the morning, 2258 01:41:18,495 --> 01:41:19,496 but don't do that. 2259 01:41:19,580 --> 01:41:20,622 -I got a ladder. -Kate! 2260 01:41:20,664 --> 01:41:21,957 -Is it cold? -KATE: Yes, it's fucking cold! 2261 01:41:21,999 --> 01:41:23,166 -Hush! -It looks cold. 2262 01:41:23,333 --> 01:41:26,003 Everyone's distracted by the emergency right now. 2263 01:41:26,044 --> 01:41:28,630 I wanna be balls deep in joy. 2264 01:41:28,672 --> 01:41:30,340 Then be in it. 2265 01:41:30,424 --> 01:41:31,550 Back into me. 2266 01:41:32,217 --> 01:41:34,178 Backing into you. 2267 01:41:34,219 --> 01:41:38,599 (IMITATING TRUCK BEEPING) 2268 01:41:38,682 --> 01:41:40,517 I'm in. Lock it up. 2269 01:41:40,601 --> 01:41:42,352 -Okay, I got you. -BUCKY: We got the ladder. 2270 01:41:42,519 --> 01:41:43,687 -Kate! -Come on up the ladder. 2271 01:41:43,854 --> 01:41:45,397 We can do this together, all right? 2272 01:41:45,480 --> 01:41:50,027 Everyone say a non-denominational silent prayer to themselves, please. 2273 01:41:50,235 --> 01:41:51,862 Haley, don't be scared. Here we go. 2274 01:41:51,904 --> 01:41:53,363 -That's really high. -MAURA: Come on, you can do it! 2275 01:41:53,530 --> 01:41:56,033 HALEY: It's too steep. I'm gonna fall. KATE: It's the only way out. 2276 01:41:56,074 --> 01:41:57,910 -Look, there's Gramps. -Oh, you're not gonna slip, honey. 2277 01:41:57,993 --> 01:41:58,994 -Come on. -I can't, I can't. 2278 01:41:59,036 --> 01:42:02,039 We need to get in there and help them. I need all your carabiners! 2279 01:42:02,122 --> 01:42:03,207 I'm all over it. 2280 01:42:03,373 --> 01:42:05,042 KATE: Hales, this could keep sinking. 2281 01:42:05,125 --> 01:42:06,210 Do you want me to climb with you? 2282 01:42:06,460 --> 01:42:07,461 What? 2283 01:42:07,544 --> 01:42:09,713 I'll climb with you, okay? I'm gonna climb right here, next to you. 2284 01:42:11,798 --> 01:42:12,883 (SIGHS) 2285 01:42:12,925 --> 01:42:14,801 MAURA: Kate, you can do it! 2286 01:42:14,885 --> 01:42:18,055 Mommy used to do this at parties, because she was a fucking idiot. 2287 01:42:18,096 --> 01:42:20,015 -Come on. Come on. -Come on, now. 2288 01:42:20,057 --> 01:42:21,058 DAVE: Everybody! 2289 01:42:21,141 --> 01:42:22,768 -Don't look down. You got it. -ALL: Kate! Kate! Kate! 2290 01:42:22,851 --> 01:42:24,728 Okay. Come on. 2291 01:42:24,770 --> 01:42:25,896 There we go. 2292 01:42:25,979 --> 01:42:27,356 ROB: Yep. Yep. Come on, girl. 2293 01:42:27,397 --> 01:42:28,607 -You got it. -Haley. Come on! 2294 01:42:28,774 --> 01:42:29,816 MAURA: You're almost there. 2295 01:42:29,900 --> 01:42:31,151 -Come on. I got it! -Mom? 2296 01:42:31,235 --> 01:42:32,236 I'm the mom! Come on. 2297 01:42:33,195 --> 01:42:34,738 (ALL CHEERING) 2298 01:42:37,032 --> 01:42:38,200 DAVE: All right! 2299 01:42:43,413 --> 01:42:47,167 Now, everybody get the hell out of here, before I call your children! 2300 01:42:52,089 --> 01:42:54,174 You jumped into a sinkhole 2301 01:42:54,341 --> 01:42:56,718 and climbed a rock wall to save me. 2302 01:42:56,760 --> 01:42:59,930 Yeah, it's called Mom strength. I basically She-Hulked. 2303 01:43:00,305 --> 01:43:01,598 You're my kid. 2304 01:43:01,765 --> 01:43:03,642 It's the only job I'll never quit. 2305 01:43:05,435 --> 01:43:06,436 (SNIFFS) 2306 01:43:07,479 --> 01:43:08,897 Did you smell my head? 2307 01:43:08,939 --> 01:43:10,107 Yeah, smells good. 2308 01:43:10,274 --> 01:43:11,608 You're such a weirdo. 2309 01:43:11,775 --> 01:43:13,110 Remember, I can throw a car at you. 2310 01:43:16,905 --> 01:43:18,115 (DEANNA MUTTERING) 2311 01:43:22,494 --> 01:43:24,496 DEANNA: Maybe it'll look better in the daylight? 2312 01:43:28,959 --> 01:43:31,003 Why is it blue? 2313 01:43:31,795 --> 01:43:33,797 Well, we are totally fucked. 2314 01:43:33,839 --> 01:43:35,299 Oh, my God, Mom, don't say "fucked." 2315 01:43:35,382 --> 01:43:37,384 It sounds so wrong coming out of your mouth. 2316 01:43:37,593 --> 01:43:40,470 Oh, too fucking bad. 2317 01:43:40,554 --> 01:43:42,139 I'm pissed. 2318 01:43:42,222 --> 01:43:44,558 And I'll say whatever I wanna say 2319 01:43:44,641 --> 01:43:47,978 because I am cuntingly disappointed in you! 2320 01:43:48,020 --> 01:43:49,146 -Wow. -BUCKY: All right. 2321 01:43:49,188 --> 01:43:52,900 -That's not even a word. -Don't you dare sass me like your sister. 2322 01:43:52,983 --> 01:43:54,568 BUCKY: We are going home 2323 01:43:54,651 --> 01:43:58,155 and your asses are getting up at 6:00 a.m. to clean up. 2324 01:43:58,363 --> 01:44:00,657 -What? -And put some underwear on! 2325 01:44:00,699 --> 01:44:03,660 What are you doing? I mean, it's just shameful! 2326 01:44:03,702 --> 01:44:04,745 God, you guys need to chill out. 2327 01:44:04,828 --> 01:44:06,121 Oh, God! 2328 01:44:07,372 --> 01:44:08,957 Oh, God! 2329 01:44:08,999 --> 01:44:10,667 KATE: Calm down, Mom! 2330 01:44:10,751 --> 01:44:11,919 DEANNA: Fuck off! 2331 01:44:23,347 --> 01:44:28,477 MAURA: (READING) Dear diary, tonight we had a party that turned into a foam orgy. 2332 01:44:28,519 --> 01:44:32,397 I made out with a sweet, hot, funny guy who really liked me 2333 01:44:32,481 --> 01:44:35,734 until he fell down butthole-first on a ballerina. 2334 01:44:36,235 --> 01:44:37,236 (SIGHS) 2335 01:44:37,319 --> 01:44:38,320 What a night. 2336 01:44:39,655 --> 01:44:41,031 Asses up! 2337 01:44:41,073 --> 01:44:42,491 DEANNA: Now! 2338 01:45:09,101 --> 01:45:10,310 (GASPS) Oh, God! 2339 01:45:10,394 --> 01:45:11,395 Who's that? 2340 01:45:12,896 --> 01:45:14,857 Whoa! What happened here? 2341 01:45:14,898 --> 01:45:15,899 Oh. 2342 01:45:16,316 --> 01:45:17,776 Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Ellis. 2343 01:45:17,943 --> 01:45:19,319 You look great. 2344 01:45:22,322 --> 01:45:24,700 You find my hearing aid? 2345 01:45:26,118 --> 01:45:27,411 Where did you leave it? 2346 01:45:27,578 --> 01:45:29,246 She can't hear you. 2347 01:45:29,288 --> 01:45:31,540 She had to take them out because the beeping was freaking me out 2348 01:45:31,582 --> 01:45:32,749 when I was on drugs. 2349 01:45:38,463 --> 01:45:39,506 What? 2350 01:45:39,673 --> 01:45:40,883 Nobody's lips are moving. 2351 01:45:41,049 --> 01:45:43,468 Okay. I'm pretty sure I swallowed all my credit cards, 2352 01:45:43,552 --> 01:45:45,304 so I'm gonna go deal with that. 2353 01:45:45,470 --> 01:45:47,139 Come on, my love. 2354 01:45:47,222 --> 01:45:48,974 Happy Birthday! 2355 01:45:55,355 --> 01:45:58,901 When the girls were little, I used to wash their hair with this sprayer. 2356 01:45:59,067 --> 01:46:02,487 I could put this one in the condo, if you like. 2357 01:46:02,654 --> 01:46:03,655 No. 2358 01:46:05,282 --> 01:46:06,617 I'll remember it. 2359 01:46:15,751 --> 01:46:17,044 Scratch my back? 2360 01:46:24,426 --> 01:46:25,511 BUCKY: There? DEANNA: Mmm-hmm. Mmm. 2361 01:46:26,261 --> 01:46:28,305 BUCKY: Mmm-hmm? (SIGHS) 2362 01:46:32,017 --> 01:46:33,143 MAURA: Listen, Dad... 2363 01:46:33,185 --> 01:46:36,188 I'll buy the house as is and Kate and Haley can stay here. 2364 01:46:36,271 --> 01:46:37,314 No, you won't. 2365 01:46:37,356 --> 01:46:39,650 -Let me fix things. -You've done enough. 2366 01:46:39,733 --> 01:46:41,360 Don't you have a plane to catch? 2367 01:46:41,443 --> 01:46:44,613 BUCKY: When are you gonna learn that your help isn't always wanted? 2368 01:46:46,698 --> 01:46:48,408 KATE: I can't offer as much as Maura can, 2369 01:46:49,076 --> 01:46:50,661 but I do have some money. 2370 01:46:50,827 --> 01:46:54,623 Can I please live in your house, temporarily, with Haley, 2371 01:46:55,165 --> 01:46:56,959 and fix it up? 2372 01:46:57,376 --> 01:46:59,127 -Don't have to answer right away... -No. 2373 01:46:59,503 --> 01:47:01,380 Please, just go home. 2374 01:47:02,339 --> 01:47:04,091 I have no more home. 2375 01:47:10,597 --> 01:47:13,308 Oh, pulling out the granddaughter card. 2376 01:47:14,059 --> 01:47:15,352 God damn it. 2377 01:47:16,687 --> 01:47:19,690 All right, I'll give you two weeks to fix it up 2378 01:47:19,731 --> 01:47:21,900 and then I'm torching it for insurance. 2379 01:47:22,359 --> 01:47:23,610 Okay. 2380 01:47:23,944 --> 01:47:25,988 That's everything I have. 2381 01:47:27,489 --> 01:47:29,533 Can you fix the damage for that? 2382 01:47:29,616 --> 01:47:30,617 No. 2383 01:47:31,743 --> 01:47:34,496 But I'll help you do it. (SIGHS) 2384 01:47:36,206 --> 01:47:38,125 Is Maura still in town? 2385 01:47:38,876 --> 01:47:39,877 No. 2386 01:48:04,776 --> 01:48:06,653 I thought you flew to Atlanta. 2387 01:48:07,112 --> 01:48:08,113 Uh... 2388 01:48:08,947 --> 01:48:11,408 I didn't wanna leave town until I said I was sorry. 2389 01:48:18,248 --> 01:48:21,126 And I think I melted my driver's license in the microwave the other night. 2390 01:48:23,670 --> 01:48:24,838 I'm sorry, Kate. 2391 01:48:25,005 --> 01:48:27,633 I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that Haley was with me. 2392 01:48:28,467 --> 01:48:30,219 Will you forgive me for that? 2393 01:48:31,970 --> 01:48:33,597 I'm gonna milk it for a while. 2394 01:48:33,764 --> 01:48:34,890 Okay. 2395 01:48:36,767 --> 01:48:38,101 I made you something. 2396 01:48:38,268 --> 01:48:40,687 I was gonna send it to you, but I didn't have any stamps 2397 01:48:40,771 --> 01:48:42,439 because they don't make them anymore. 2398 01:48:47,069 --> 01:48:49,947 "Sisters are always there for each other. 2399 01:48:51,448 --> 01:48:54,284 "But some sisters think they're hot shit, 2400 01:48:54,368 --> 01:48:56,245 "and do super-intrusive, fucked-up things, 2401 01:48:56,286 --> 01:48:59,831 "like secretly harbor the other one's child so they can feel superior." 2402 01:48:59,915 --> 01:49:01,416 Quotes are usually short. 2403 01:49:01,583 --> 01:49:04,294 So are dicks, but sometimes you hit the jackpot. 2404 01:49:04,795 --> 01:49:05,921 Keep reading. 2405 01:49:08,298 --> 01:49:12,261 "And some sisters live their lives in chaos, like a goddamn tornado, 2406 01:49:12,344 --> 01:49:14,805 "so the other sister has to clean it up all the time. 2407 01:49:15,472 --> 01:49:18,141 "So, they're both wrong. The end." 2408 01:49:19,518 --> 01:49:21,019 When I was party mom, 2409 01:49:21,186 --> 01:49:24,940 I realized that always having to take care of everyone's shit sucks. 2410 01:49:25,274 --> 01:49:27,109 And I'm sure you realized 2411 01:49:27,150 --> 01:49:30,571 that it's not all fun being selfish and leaving a mess. 2412 01:49:30,654 --> 01:49:32,823 It's pretty fucking fun. 2413 01:49:36,493 --> 01:49:39,705 We need to say goodbye to this house and who we were here. 2414 01:49:44,418 --> 01:49:48,338 You know, James told me that a house is a building 2415 01:49:48,422 --> 01:49:51,175 but home is a feeling. 2416 01:49:51,216 --> 01:49:53,218 He's smart. You need to lock that guy down. 2417 01:49:53,302 --> 01:49:54,595 (SIGHS) I blew it with him. 2418 01:49:54,678 --> 01:49:56,263 No, he's still asking about you. 2419 01:49:56,430 --> 01:49:57,848 -He is? -Yeah. 2420 01:49:57,931 --> 01:49:59,224 He is the greatest. 2421 01:49:59,391 --> 01:50:00,684 James just needs some... 2422 01:50:00,726 --> 01:50:02,519 No! Stop deciding what other people need. 2423 01:50:02,603 --> 01:50:05,105 You need help. Let him help you. 2424 01:50:07,316 --> 01:50:09,985 I got to go scrub "I heart balls" off the fridge. 2425 01:50:10,152 --> 01:50:11,486 I'm sorry I wrote that. 2426 01:50:12,029 --> 01:50:13,363 -Wait! -Mmm. 2427 01:50:14,990 --> 01:50:16,950 What do I do when I see him? 2428 01:50:17,117 --> 01:50:19,411 See, I'm asking for help already. 2429 01:50:20,162 --> 01:50:21,997 Find a way to make him come to you. 2430 01:50:22,748 --> 01:50:24,541 But go big. 2431 01:50:24,625 --> 01:50:26,502 Make it clear that you need him. 2432 01:50:36,887 --> 01:50:38,180 MAURA: Help! 2433 01:50:39,890 --> 01:50:41,433 Help! 2434 01:50:53,445 --> 01:50:55,447 Help. 2435 01:50:57,866 --> 01:50:59,701 I know you used to be a lifeguard. 2436 01:51:00,452 --> 01:51:01,954 I need it. 2437 01:51:05,624 --> 01:51:07,084 Save me, please! 2438 01:51:20,013 --> 01:51:21,431 Oh, my God. 2439 01:51:21,515 --> 01:51:22,808 I'm drowning. 2440 01:51:22,891 --> 01:51:24,059 Don't die. 2441 01:51:24,393 --> 01:51:25,686 Come here. 2442 01:51:34,820 --> 01:51:37,239 Water feels good on my ballerina hole. 2443 01:51:38,407 --> 01:51:39,950 (SIGHS) 2444 01:51:40,033 --> 01:51:42,452 -What about your dick burns? -Ooh. 2445 01:51:42,494 --> 01:51:44,621 Nice to meet you, Dick Burns. 2446 01:51:54,339 --> 01:51:55,799 (TRUCK BEEPING) 2447 01:51:59,720 --> 01:52:00,888 (BOTH LAUGHING) 2448 01:52:20,616 --> 01:52:23,118 How in the hell did you pull this off? 2449 01:52:23,160 --> 01:52:26,997 Well, I usually give 30% and I went for the full 100 this time. 2450 01:52:28,582 --> 01:52:30,459 You might need one more coat. 2451 01:52:32,085 --> 01:52:33,670 What? 2452 01:52:34,963 --> 01:52:36,048 There we go. 2453 01:52:36,798 --> 01:52:38,509 -Thanks for doing this. -Oh, well... 2454 01:52:39,259 --> 01:52:41,011 Thank you for bringing me Dave. 2455 01:52:41,053 --> 01:52:43,680 He's really quite the tender love maker. 2456 01:52:44,389 --> 01:52:45,766 Big Dave. 2457 01:52:48,435 --> 01:52:49,645 (LAUGHS) 2458 01:52:50,020 --> 01:52:51,688 -Very big Dave. -All right. 2459 01:52:51,897 --> 01:52:53,232 Big, big, big, big, big boy. 2460 01:52:53,315 --> 01:52:54,775 Okay. I think Dave is just what you needed. 2461 01:52:54,983 --> 01:52:55,984 Yeah. 2462 01:52:58,529 --> 01:53:00,447 Whoo! I can barely walk. 2463 01:53:00,864 --> 01:53:01,990 So, this is awesome. 2464 01:53:02,699 --> 01:53:03,700 Come on, girlfriend. 2465 01:53:03,784 --> 01:53:04,785 Dave has chlamydia. 2466 01:53:06,411 --> 01:53:07,704 Right, friendship. 2467 01:53:17,840 --> 01:53:20,759 Mom, this guy wants to know if he can get 10% off his manicure 2468 01:53:20,843 --> 01:53:22,386 because he only has nine fingers. 2469 01:53:22,427 --> 01:53:24,346 Hang up. It's your grandpa pranking us. 2470 01:53:24,888 --> 01:53:26,515 Nice try, Gramps. 2471 01:53:26,557 --> 01:53:28,934 Gross! Get a room! 2472 01:53:29,017 --> 01:53:30,185 Ah, you know you love it. 2473 01:53:30,269 --> 01:53:31,270 -(CHUCKLES) -KATE: It's 10:00! 2474 01:53:31,436 --> 01:53:32,813 Champagne time. 2475 01:53:32,896 --> 01:53:34,064 JAMES: I'm gonna do this every week. 2476 01:53:34,147 --> 01:53:36,400 -Hae-Won, you're incredible. -Thank you, Jack. 2477 01:53:36,441 --> 01:53:37,442 -High five! -No. 2478 01:53:37,526 --> 01:53:39,903 -Sorry. -All right, everybody, gather up. 2479 01:53:40,070 --> 01:53:43,574 On behalf of my co-owner Hae-Won and myself. 2480 01:53:43,615 --> 01:53:45,200 -Yay! -Thank you, Alex, 2481 01:53:45,242 --> 01:53:46,743 for investing in our dreams. 2482 01:53:46,910 --> 01:53:48,745 Just here to do my part. (CHUCKLES) 2483 01:53:48,871 --> 01:53:49,872 Whoa! Hair part! (LAUGHING) 2484 01:53:50,038 --> 01:53:51,081 Oh, God. Here we go. 2485 01:53:51,290 --> 01:53:52,958 Yoinks! (CHUCKLES) 2486 01:53:53,041 --> 01:53:54,585 There is a lid for every pot. (CHUCKLES) 2487 01:53:54,626 --> 01:53:56,003 I'm gonna punch him right in the dick. 2488 01:53:56,086 --> 01:53:57,379 Let's do this! (SQUEALS) 2489 01:53:58,881 --> 01:54:00,090 MAURA: Merry Christmas. 2490 01:54:00,132 --> 01:54:01,842 -Haley, you ready? -HALEY: I'm coming! 2491 01:54:01,925 --> 01:54:03,969 Hello! Hi. 2492 01:54:06,597 --> 01:54:09,600 Merry Christmas, my two angel. 2493 01:54:09,641 --> 01:54:11,894 And welcome to your new home! (CHUCKLES) 2494 01:54:11,935 --> 01:54:13,061 (KIDS LAUGH) 2495 01:54:13,103 --> 01:54:15,272 Come on, let's go pick a room! 2496 01:54:16,023 --> 01:54:17,024 Really? 2497 01:54:17,107 --> 01:54:18,942 -No, wheelie. -(LAUGHS) 2498 01:54:19,026 --> 01:54:20,027 DEANNA: Come in! 2499 01:54:20,110 --> 01:54:24,114 If this doesn't smell like our Christmas, I will flip a table. 2500 01:54:24,323 --> 01:54:25,616 DEANNA: Hi! 2501 01:54:25,824 --> 01:54:27,242 Oh, hi! 2502 01:54:27,284 --> 01:54:29,119 BUCKY: All right, hi! DEANNA: Oh, come here. 2503 01:54:29,161 --> 01:54:31,622 DEANNA: Look at you. JAMES: No, look at you. Look at you. 2504 01:54:32,664 --> 01:54:33,957 DEANNA: Cookies! 2505 01:54:34,583 --> 01:54:37,628 -Oh, how beautiful! Look at these! -JAMES: They're store-bought. 2506 01:54:37,669 --> 01:54:39,004 Good to see you. Good to see you. Good to see you. 2507 01:54:39,171 --> 01:54:40,631 -Did you make these? -No. 2508 01:54:40,714 --> 01:54:42,466 No, I bought them at a gas station. 2509 01:54:43,467 --> 01:54:45,594 Still feels like our Christmas. 2510 01:54:45,636 --> 01:54:46,929 Yeah. 2511 01:54:46,970 --> 01:54:48,805 Because we're the home. 2512 01:54:51,475 --> 01:54:52,476 Yeah. 2513 01:54:53,727 --> 01:54:54,728 Come here, bootch. 2514 01:55:02,778 --> 01:55:05,489 -Let me lead, I'm the big sister. -Okay. 2515 01:55:08,659 --> 01:55:10,577 (MUSIC PLAYING) 2516 01:55:52,536 --> 01:55:54,705 What kind of... Fuck. (LAUGHS) 2517 01:55:55,330 --> 01:55:57,499 -Sorry. Bloopers! -MAN: Yeah. 2518 01:55:57,624 --> 01:56:00,794 Whoo! Hey, I put in a special request for our Applebutt... 2519 01:56:00,878 --> 01:56:03,088 Hey, I... Fuck me, sorry. Fuck, sorry. 2520 01:56:03,172 --> 01:56:04,256 -Can I try it again? -Ellis I... Sure. 2521 01:56:04,339 --> 01:56:05,966 -MAN: Let's try again. -Sorry. 2522 01:56:06,049 --> 01:56:07,426 Oh, you probably don't remember. 2523 01:56:07,509 --> 01:56:09,761 Oh, I remember. 2524 01:56:09,845 --> 01:56:11,722 Oh, I remember. I don't remember. 2525 01:56:12,723 --> 01:56:15,434 My safe word is "Dow Jones Industrial Average." 2526 01:56:15,517 --> 01:56:17,728 My safe word is "geopolitical disaster." 2527 01:56:17,769 --> 01:56:20,063 My safe word is "pseudoparathyroidism." 2528 01:56:20,105 --> 01:56:23,233 (SINGING) That girl is poison 2529 01:56:23,275 --> 01:56:24,484 (CHUCKLES) 2530 01:56:24,568 --> 01:56:26,695 She's dangerous 2531 01:56:26,737 --> 01:56:27,863 (LAUGHS) 2532 01:56:27,905 --> 01:56:31,825 I am done wasting words on that cum-guzzling road whore. 2533 01:56:31,909 --> 01:56:32,910 Wow. 2534 01:56:33,785 --> 01:56:35,537 (MUSIC PLAYING) 2535 01:56:41,251 --> 01:56:42,419 -Huh? -Huh? 2536 01:56:43,754 --> 01:56:46,423 Sorry. (CHUCKLES) 2537 01:56:46,465 --> 01:56:47,758 I can't believe that you haven't farted 2538 01:56:47,799 --> 01:56:49,551 -this whole time. -(LAUGHING) 2539 01:56:49,593 --> 01:56:52,137 Good job. Now I put it in your head, sorry. 2540 01:56:52,221 --> 01:56:53,305 No, they've been silent. 2541 01:56:53,388 --> 01:56:55,098 -MAN: Okay, here we go. -(BOTH LAUGHING) 2542 01:56:55,265 --> 01:56:58,143 Hae-Won. Am I saying it correctly? 2543 01:56:58,227 --> 01:56:59,394 Hae-Won. 2544 01:56:59,436 --> 01:57:01,438 I'm just gonna throw it away. Hae-Won. 2545 01:57:01,480 --> 01:57:02,481 No. 2546 01:57:02,564 --> 01:57:03,565 (LAUGHS) 2547 01:57:05,317 --> 01:57:06,485 Hae... 2548 01:57:07,319 --> 01:57:08,487 (CHUCKLES) 2549 01:57:08,570 --> 01:57:09,947 Wait, I've got it. 2550 01:57:09,988 --> 01:57:11,573 Hae-Won. 2551 01:57:13,283 --> 01:57:14,535 (CHUCKLING) 2552 01:57:15,494 --> 01:57:16,537 Hae-Won. 2553 01:57:16,620 --> 01:57:17,955 Hae-Won. 2554 01:57:21,333 --> 01:57:22,835 Sorry. 2555 01:57:24,127 --> 01:57:25,128 I'm sorry. 2556 01:57:25,170 --> 01:57:26,171 (CLEARS THROAT) 2557 01:57:28,173 --> 01:57:30,968 (CLICKS TONGUE) Let me just see if I'm pronouncing it correctly. 2558 01:57:32,636 --> 01:57:33,637 Sorry. 2559 01:57:33,971 --> 01:57:35,514 Hae-Won. 2560 01:57:37,975 --> 01:57:39,852 (CREW MEMBERS LAUGHING) 2561 01:57:40,686 --> 01:57:42,312 MAN: And cut.