1 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,896 "And sunlight clasped the earth... 2 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:07,109 "... and the moonbeams kissed the sea. 3 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,988 "What are all these kissings worth... 4 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:14,491 "... if thou kiss not me?" 5 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:18,996 That's it. 6 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,793 -Mike. -Mr. Brackett, OK. 7 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:27,671 That Cameron Drake guy, did you really teach him? 8 00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:30,842 Yes, I did. Right here in this very room. 9 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,574 Question about the poem? 10 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,846 Yes, Meredith. 11 00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:38,432 When Cameron went here did he have a girlfriend? 12 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,100 -Please. -Jack. 13 00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:42,019 -Mr. Brackett. -Vicky. 14 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,188 -Does this have to do with the poem? -Yeah. 15 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:48,358 You have a comment about English literature or Romantic poetry? 16 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,444 -Absolutely. -Let's hear it. 17 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,862 When Cameron went here... 18 00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:56,366 ...and studied English literature and Romantic poetry... 19 00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,160 ...was he really cute? 20 00:01:58,202 --> 00:02:01,121 No. He's had massive surgery. A complete overhaul. 21 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:02,998 He was an iguana. 22 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:09,004 But, you know, he loved this poem. 23 00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:12,257 Excuse me, Mr. Brackett. 24 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,093 Mr. Brackett. 25 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,512 Jack. 26 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,305 It's here. 27 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,806 From Indiana State. 28 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:20,974 And? Hey, Joe. 29 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:23,685 Will you open it? It'll make it a lot easier. 30 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,605 What if I... I mean, I'm not gonna get in. 31 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,650 I bet that it just says, "Nice try, you moron. 32 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,652 "You loser, get lost get out of here". 33 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,988 That's not quite the way they put it, Jack. 34 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,157 Yes! You're in! Full scholarship! 35 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,534 -Yes? -Way to go! 36 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:41,203 Yes! 37 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:51,547 Gentlemen, Are we having a practice? 38 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,925 We can't, you know. It's our coach. 39 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,553 He's getting married this week. 40 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,305 Yes, that's correct. 41 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,225 And he's drunk. 42 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,644 I'm drunk? 43 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,354 Pretty soon! 44 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,737 You guys! 45 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:21,034 Congratulations, Mr. Brackett! 46 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:33,380 -You're so beautiful. -Howard? 47 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,382 You look exquisite. 48 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,259 I wish my folks were still here. 49 00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:41,221 They never thought it would happen. They never thought I'd get married. 50 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,016 We're your family now, dear. I'm not just Howard's mom. 51 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,810 I'm yours. -Beware. 52 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,605 When you walked in here last month, I almost died. 53 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,441 I didn't recognize you. -She's worked very hard. 54 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:55,027 -Isn't she a knockout? -I was fat my whole life. 55 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,696 I was not going to waddle down that aisle. 56 00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,240 When I saw that Richard Simmons' infomercial... 57 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:01,533 I love him. 58 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,578 Remember when he actually went to that woman's house... 59 00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:07,206 ...who lost over 400 pounds using the tapes? 60 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,415 Yes. 61 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:11,793 I just thought, if she can do it, so can I. 62 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:15,214 And you did. Bridal Barn, we salute you. 63 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:22,179 -It's a straitjacket. -It's a classic, the J-12. 64 00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:25,474 Everybody in town's been stopping by revving up for your nuptials. 65 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,059 Look at this. 66 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,897 Son, I don't know. 67 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,358 The Torme. 68 00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:46,828 Thank you. 69 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:51,917 In just a few short days Emily and I will be married... 70 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,335 ...after three long years. 71 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:55,712 What, you may be asking yourself, was the problem? 72 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,548 You said it! 73 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:02,386 Well, Aunt Becky, I think I have the answer. 74 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,551 I vowed I would not be married... 75 00:05:04,575 --> 00:05:07,140 ...until Cameron Drake was nominated for an Oscar. 76 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,057 I thought I was safe. 77 00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:13,856 Tonight's the night, for Cameron, at least... 78 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:17,359 ...and so I'll let you all get back to your sets. 79 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:21,355 This Sunday, thanks to my mom and dad and Emily... 80 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:25,117 ...is going to be the happiest day of my life. 81 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,378 Wouldn't it be extraordinary if Cameron actually wins? 82 00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,316 You remember, I had him. 83 00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:39,047 You did? 84 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,550 Yeah. I was a student teacher. It was sophomore English. 85 00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:44,261 He used to come every day after school for extra help. 86 00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:48,640 We spent the whole year reciting Romeo and Juliet to each other. 87 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,393 Oh, really? Just the two of you? 88 00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:53,923 He was just a student. 89 00:05:54,509 --> 00:05:55,986 Well, all right. 90 00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,996 Now, which channel? 91 00:06:00,570 --> 00:06:03,697 Who wants movie-style buttery lite? 92 00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:05,449 Me, I do. 93 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,868 Score pads and pencils. 94 00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:13,665 Gretchen, what do you have for Best Documentary? 95 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:17,503 Something about Polish mine workers and their struggle to be free. 96 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,422 I hope that nice Sally Field wins. 97 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:24,134 -But she's not nominated. -Even so. 98 00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,761 It's almost time. 99 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,888 Turn it on. 100 00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:38,899 The place... Hollywood, USA. 101 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,737 This is Peter Malloy for Inside Entertainment... 102 00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:46,782 ...inviting you to join me for Hollywood's night of nights... 103 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,028 ...the 68th Annual Academy Awards. 104 00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:52,955 Ladies and gentlemen... 105 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,624 ...here is another screen legend, an Oscar winner herself... 106 00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,471 ...Miss Whoopi Goldberg. 107 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,465 So, Whoop, Cameron Drake. His chances? 108 00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:07,803 This kid is incredible. He is so sexy, so sweet. 109 00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:11,473 I just adore him. He is just the best there is. 110 00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,183 It's Cameron Drake! 111 00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:15,644 There he is. Look. 112 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,745 He is just so cool. 113 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,957 -What is that on his chin? -Looks like a troll doll. 114 00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:39,918 -Did he just wake up? -Shut up. 115 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:44,131 Ladies and gentlemen, here comes America's hottest young star... 116 00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:47,342 ...and People Magazine's sexiest man of the year, poor guy... 117 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,719 ...Cameron Drake. 118 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,097 -Hello. -Hey. 119 00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:59,396 So, Cameron, tonight's the big night. 120 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:02,816 All the marbles. Planet Cameron. Right. 121 00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:05,652 -Excuse me? -I said, right. 122 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,864 Everyone's saying that you won't be going home empty-handed. 123 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,533 How do you feel about that? And speak up. 124 00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:16,830 Basically to me, awards are meaningless. 125 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:20,375 I'm an artist. It's about the work. 126 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,294 All the nominees are artists. 127 00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:26,215 We shouldn't be forced to compete with each other like dogs. 128 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:29,426 I hear you. Good point. Then why are you here? 129 00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:31,512 In case I win. 130 00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:45,651 Now we return to the 68th Annual Academy Awards. 131 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:49,154 Coming up, the Oscar for best performance by an actor. 132 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:52,491 Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Glenn Close. 133 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:14,763 Now our final nominee for Best Actor... Cameron Drake. 134 00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:25,732 Cameron rocketed to stardom with courage and charisma... 135 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,944 ...tackling the role of a brave gay soldier... 136 00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:32,865 ...in the breakthrough film "To Serve and Protect". 137 00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:49,089 You're gonna make it, Danny. 138 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,800 I love you, Billy. 139 00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:57,014 Wait. Do you love me as a friend, or in another way? 140 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,473 Another way, Billy. 141 00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:00,851 You mean as a brother? 142 00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,395 No, another way. 143 00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:05,355 You mean as a cousin? 144 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,399 No, another way. 145 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,986 You mean as a pen pal? 146 00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:14,698 My legs hurt. 147 00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:26,502 Proceed. 148 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,840 Lieutenant Stevens... 149 00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:34,343 ...you've been awarded two purple hearts... 150 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,512 ...and a Congressional Medal of Honor. 151 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,282 You saved the lives of your entire unit. 152 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,600 However, your sergeant... 153 00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,853 ...haw come across the following items in your footlocker. 154 00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,731 Will you kindly tell the court if they are yours? 155 00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:50,025 A personal letter to another soldier? 156 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,985 No. 157 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,445 Yes, sir. 158 00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:57,908 A photograph signed, "Danny, San Francisco"? 159 00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,159 Yes, sir. 160 00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:08,543 Finally, an autographed copy of "Beaches"... 161 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:11,296 ...starring Bette Midler? -Give that back! 162 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,966 Discharge, dishonorable! 163 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,060 They're kicking him out. 164 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,104 That's not fair. 165 00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,191 I mean, he killed people. 166 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:42,222 Danny, I just don't know. Did I do the right thing? 167 00:11:44,443 --> 00:11:45,956 Ask him. 168 00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:52,296 Well, Mr. President, am I still a good American? 169 00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,219 It's a statue, Billy. 170 00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,141 Danny. 171 00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:06,101 I love you. 172 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:10,147 Come on. Let's go home. 173 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,111 Billy. 174 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,159 Billy. 175 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,539 Billy! 176 00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:31,460 Billy! 177 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,968 Oh, look. Here he is. 178 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,725 This is Cameron's first nomination... 179 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:49,186 ...and he's in extremely good company. 180 00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:52,689 Tonight, he joins fellow Best Actor nominees... 181 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:55,108 ...Paul Newman for "Coot"... 182 00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,447 ...Clint Eastwood for "Codger"... 183 00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:05,369 ...Michael Douglas for "Primary Urges"... 184 00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:14,378 ...and Steven Seagal for "Snowball in Hell". 185 00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,590 And the winner is... 186 00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:24,513 ...Cameron Drake, "To Serve and Protect". 187 00:13:24,555 --> 00:13:29,268 My God! 188 00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:43,657 Doofus! Doofus! 189 00:13:43,699 --> 00:13:47,286 -That's our boy. -Look at him. My God! 190 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:53,083 Thank you. 191 00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:55,919 Nice, man. 192 00:13:57,713 --> 00:13:58,881 Nice. 193 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:03,343 I'd like to thank a great director... 194 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,179 ...an incredible cast... 195 00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,514 ...my agent and my new agent... 196 00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:11,518 ...but I'm just an actor playing someone. 197 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,813 This really belongs to all the gay soldiers and sailors... 198 00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:18,358 ...and other guys and women who defend this country... 199 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,028 ...to keep us free, but can't date. 200 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:30,037 So maybe I should thank someone else. 201 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,128 Someone who's really been there. 202 00:14:32,152 --> 00:14:36,043 Someone who taught me a lot about poetry and Shakespeare... 203 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:39,630 ...and just, like, you know, staying awake, man. 204 00:14:40,506 --> 00:14:44,635 Someone who's just an overall great guy and teacher. 205 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:47,721 To Howard Brackett from Greenleaf, Indiana. 206 00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,389 My God! 207 00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:52,601 I can't believe it. 208 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,188 And he's gay. 209 00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:05,457 I've been thinking a lot about this night... 210 00:15:05,656 --> 00:15:10,160 ...and I've decided to dedicate this whole night to a great gay teacher. 211 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,956 Mr. Brackett, we won! 212 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,609 Howard? 213 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,114 -Howard? -Precious. 214 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:50,284 -What's he talking about? -I have no idea! 215 00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:54,079 What?! 216 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,336 Mom? Dad? 217 00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:06,717 -Is there something you want to tell us? -Something about the wedding? 218 00:16:07,593 --> 00:16:09,303 I'm not gay. 219 00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:14,516 -Of course not. -No, no, no. -My son's not gay. 220 00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,143 -No way! -No how! 221 00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:19,563 -No dice! -No, ma'am. -No, sir! 222 00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:22,441 -But that boy on TV... -I don't know what that was about. 223 00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:25,438 I am outraged! I may hire an attorney. I may sue! 224 00:16:25,462 --> 00:16:27,446 That's right. That's a good idea. 225 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,199 Get that Johnnie Cochran, not that woman. 226 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,366 Good idea. 227 00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,660 Remember, he's been in Hollywood a long time. 228 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:37,713 He may be under the influence of something. Or he may have joined a cult. 229 00:16:37,737 --> 00:16:40,584 -My lord. -That little zombie. 230 00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:43,462 His family was... I hate to say this... 231 00:16:43,504 --> 00:16:47,382 ...but when they lived here, they were not active in the PTA. 232 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:50,636 He used to mow our lawn. Never again. 233 00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:54,306 Howard, we want you to know... 234 00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:57,100 ...you're our son, and we'll always love you... 235 00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:59,434 ...gay, straight, red, green... 236 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,772 ...if you rob a bank, if you kill someone. 237 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:05,234 If you get drunk, climb a tower, and take out the town. 238 00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:08,028 As long as you get married. 239 00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:09,738 I need that wedding. 240 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:13,534 I need some beauty, music, and place cards before I die. 241 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,912 It's like heroin. Do you hear me, Howard? 242 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:26,329 Emily, can we give you a lift? 243 00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:30,092 Will you be all right? 244 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:35,097 Of course. I'm fine. We're getting married. 245 00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,598 I love you. 246 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,354 Good night. 247 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,361 Hello. 248 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,154 No, I'm not. 249 00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:07,045 # Macho, macho man. Macho man, yeah. 250 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:10,635 # I've got to be a macho man. 251 00:18:52,156 --> 00:18:53,216 Let's go. 252 00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:09,233 There he is! That's him! 253 00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:14,029 Howard! 254 00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,328 Do you have a boyfriend? 255 00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:23,872 I am getting married! I am not gay! 256 00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:25,167 Do you know Ellen? 257 00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:30,712 A teacher in trouble, a town under siege... 258 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,626 ...a journey to the heartland. 259 00:19:32,650 --> 00:19:34,883 Peter Malloy. Stay tuned. 260 00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:36,176 Howard! 261 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,554 Should gays be allowed to handle fresh produce? 262 00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:41,317 I don't care! This is a classroom! 263 00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:46,144 Class. 264 00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,063 So, where were we? 265 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:52,067 Romantic poetry. Shakespeare. 266 00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:54,611 Talented, English, dead. 267 00:19:54,653 --> 00:19:55,863 The sonnets. 268 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,323 "Shall I compare thee to a summer's gay? 269 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,869 "Thou art more lovely and more temperate... 270 00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:05,622 "Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and"... 271 00:20:16,967 --> 00:20:18,302 Ok. 272 00:20:19,595 --> 00:20:23,265 Let's get it out into the open. What's on your mind? 273 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,435 Is it... true? 274 00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:30,731 Of course not! I'm getting married in 3 days! 275 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:34,067 See? I knew it! Told you. 276 00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:35,736 All right, class. 277 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:39,156 Why did he say it on TV in front of the whole world? 278 00:20:39,180 --> 00:20:44,328 Were you incredibly embarrassed? Did you want to stick a grenade in your mouth? 279 00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:47,831 Class, class. I don't know why he said it. 280 00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:52,252 I've been trying to figure that out myself. But that's not why we're here today. 281 00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:54,713 -Mr. Brackett. -Mike? 282 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,592 I've been thinking about it all night. 283 00:20:58,634 --> 00:21:01,929 Why would he say you were gay? And I got it figured out. 284 00:21:03,222 --> 00:21:06,074 -What have you got? -Look at you. 285 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,318 I beg your pardon? 286 00:21:07,342 --> 00:21:10,052 No offense, but you're an English teacher. 287 00:21:10,118 --> 00:21:10,938 Exactly. 288 00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:14,274 All this poetry and odes and bonnets. 289 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:15,609 Sonnets? 290 00:21:15,651 --> 00:21:17,830 And you're kinda prissy. 291 00:21:18,226 --> 00:21:20,695 -Prissy? -Not in a bad way. 292 00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,792 I mean you're smart. -And well-dressed. 293 00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:26,448 -And really clean. -Doesn't look good. 294 00:21:26,472 --> 00:21:29,998 Plus, you got the drama club, and you ride that bicycle. 295 00:21:30,052 --> 00:21:33,293 You've been engaged to Miss Montgomery for 3 years. 296 00:21:33,335 --> 00:21:35,475 -What does that... -Think about it. 297 00:21:35,476 --> 00:21:38,507 If you add it up, of course the guy thinks you're gay! 298 00:21:40,097 --> 00:21:44,555 Plus, he was in that movie... 299 00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:48,141 ...so his brain is, like, already going that way... 300 00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:51,144 ...and then he remembers you... 301 00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:55,275 ...and he goes, "Smart, clean, totally decent human being... 302 00:21:55,467 --> 00:21:56,823 ..."gay"! 303 00:22:00,529 --> 00:22:03,876 -Gays in the space program? -Lesbians on Mars? 304 00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:06,417 -Do you have any comment? -Excuse me. 305 00:22:07,786 --> 00:22:12,290 -Mr. Brackett. Boys and girls. -Mr. Halliwell. 306 00:22:12,642 --> 00:22:16,879 -Howard, could I... -Class, excuse me. 307 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,782 The school is surrounded. There are TV cameras, reporters. 308 00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:23,110 See? They want pictures of the gay guy! 309 00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:30,517 I tried to reason with them. I told them I was the principal, and... 310 00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:34,563 ...they mocked me. -I'm sorry. 311 00:22:34,605 --> 00:22:38,442 -Could you talk to them? -Right away. 312 00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:43,113 Class, page 58. Learn all you can. 313 00:22:43,155 --> 00:22:44,907 -Mr. Brackett. -Yes? 314 00:22:45,741 --> 00:22:49,995 -Watch the hands. -Good point. 315 00:22:51,497 --> 00:22:56,293 -Howard, are you gay? -Howard! Howard, please! 316 00:22:56,335 --> 00:22:59,255 I'm sorry. The jury's still out on this. 317 00:22:59,297 --> 00:23:01,798 No way. He's been here for how many years? 318 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,884 Come on. I always knew. 319 00:23:03,926 --> 00:23:06,637 I say bravo. It's a blow for freedom. 320 00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:09,306 Good for Howard. To quote Mr. Bob Dylan... 321 00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:13,559 "How many roads must a man walk down before we call him a man?" 322 00:23:13,583 --> 00:23:16,438 -Ed, don't. It's early. -Knew what? 323 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,316 # And how many seas must the white dove sail... 324 00:23:19,358 --> 00:23:22,027 -Ed, please. # before she sleeps... 325 00:23:22,069 --> 00:23:23,738 -Shut up, Ed! -Trina. 326 00:23:23,762 --> 00:23:26,907 -We're talking about Howard. -Why are we talking about Howard? 327 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:29,576 'Cause he likes dick. 328 00:23:33,622 --> 00:23:36,208 Good morning, everyone. How are you? 329 00:23:36,959 --> 00:23:39,628 -Terrific! -Fabulous. 330 00:23:39,670 --> 00:23:42,422 Is that Xerox still on the fritz? 331 00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:44,591 -How are you, sunshine? -Fine. 332 00:23:44,633 --> 00:23:46,635 Look at you. 333 00:23:46,677 --> 00:23:48,512 Dick who? 334 00:23:48,554 --> 00:23:51,265 He's getting married this week. 335 00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,934 See? He's not gay. I told you. 336 00:23:53,976 --> 00:23:56,311 But think about it. I mean, gay guys. 337 00:23:56,353 --> 00:23:57,771 I don't wanna think about it. 338 00:23:57,813 --> 00:24:01,149 There's only 2 times where it's ok to do gay stuff. 339 00:24:01,191 --> 00:24:04,570 2 emergency situations. -What? Which situations? 340 00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:07,823 Prison, when it's like a substitute or guys in space. 341 00:24:07,865 --> 00:24:09,032 Guys in space? 342 00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:13,162 Not on purpose. It just happens because they're weightless... 343 00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:16,165 ...and they float into each other when they're asleep. 344 00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:20,043 You're so lame. 345 00:24:20,085 --> 00:24:25,591 I know it's wrong. It's against, like, nature. Basic plumbing. 346 00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:26,758 What? 347 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,594 It's the human body. 348 00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:32,097 It's divided up into in-holes and out-holes. 349 00:24:32,139 --> 00:24:35,601 Stuff is supposed to go in the in-holes and come out the out-holes. 350 00:24:35,642 --> 00:24:40,314 But gay guys, they put stuff in the out-holes. 351 00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:44,484 Wait. So is your mouth an in-hole? 352 00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:48,030 Right. 'Cause you put burgers in it and brew. 353 00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:52,666 Unless you're sick, and puke. Then it's an out-hole, so it's wrong. 354 00:24:56,538 --> 00:24:58,624 Guys, come on! Hustle! 355 00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:00,834 You'll be late for class. Let's go! 356 00:25:02,545 --> 00:25:04,407 What's going on? 357 00:25:05,214 --> 00:25:10,344 -Mr. Brackett, could you excuse us? -Why? 358 00:25:11,603 --> 00:25:16,808 -Mike's being a jerk. -No. Just until we're dressed and ready. 359 00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:21,020 This has nothing to do with the Oscars and Cameron Drake does it? 360 00:25:21,044 --> 00:25:23,463 No. Come on. 361 00:25:24,483 --> 00:25:26,493 What is it, then? 362 00:25:26,735 --> 00:25:30,697 It's just, before the Oscars it was different. I mean, you weren't... 363 00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:34,380 I wasn't what? 364 00:25:36,662 --> 00:25:37,996 Famous. 365 00:25:45,003 --> 00:25:46,881 You guys. 366 00:26:06,357 --> 00:26:11,029 -Peter Malloy, network. -No. No more interviews. 367 00:26:11,071 --> 00:26:13,977 I have nothing to say. I have no comments. 368 00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:18,658 I have no thoughts on gay marriage I did not see "The Birdcage". 369 00:26:18,700 --> 00:26:21,465 I'm trying to have my dinner. -Of course. I'm sorry. 370 00:26:21,498 --> 00:26:24,647 You should be. What are you sitting down for? You people. 371 00:26:24,648 --> 00:26:27,786 Have some decency. You've been hounding me all day. 372 00:26:27,863 --> 00:26:31,091 At my school, at my home. You should be ashamed of yourselves. 373 00:26:31,133 --> 00:26:33,374 I am. Those leeches. 374 00:26:33,398 --> 00:26:36,713 They have no right to pry into your life. They're sleazy. 375 00:26:36,714 --> 00:26:38,807 I don't know. I kinda like that Barbara Walters. 376 00:26:38,849 --> 00:26:42,144 -Did Barbara call you? -No. 377 00:26:44,813 --> 00:26:46,773 Howard. 378 00:26:46,815 --> 00:26:49,109 -Howard! -No! 379 00:26:49,151 --> 00:26:50,277 Howard. 380 00:26:50,319 --> 00:26:53,322 Leave me alone, you smut peddler! 381 00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:54,448 You professional gossip... 382 00:26:54,490 --> 00:26:56,723 ...with a permanent tan! -Will you get real? 383 00:26:58,035 --> 00:26:59,623 -Look at me. -Why? 384 00:26:59,647 --> 00:27:03,144 Sure, I look great, but my ratings. 385 00:27:03,168 --> 00:27:06,293 Everyone wants to talk to Diane Sawyer or Joan Lunden. 386 00:27:06,335 --> 00:27:10,957 My network's killing me. They want me blond. -With your coloring? 387 00:27:10,981 --> 00:27:15,438 All those reporters, after today, they're gone. They got their story. 388 00:27:15,439 --> 00:27:19,172 But I care. I am doing a full week. 389 00:27:20,057 --> 00:27:23,602 -A week? No. You can't. -But I have to. It's too good. 390 00:27:23,644 --> 00:27:26,686 No. I have classes to teach. I'm getting married. 391 00:27:26,710 --> 00:27:29,666 -I'll be there. -No. I'll kill you. 392 00:27:29,690 --> 00:27:32,875 But it's classic. Sex, a small town, and a movie star. 393 00:27:32,899 --> 00:27:37,032 Why can't you see that? "Howard Brackett: In and out". 394 00:27:38,033 --> 00:27:42,339 My God. You are pure television. 395 00:27:42,699 --> 00:27:43,957 Stop it. 396 00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:46,280 Good night. 397 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,678 Guys, remember... -I got that. -Thanks. 398 00:27:57,719 --> 00:28:01,807 Don't say nothing about the Oscars or Cameron Drake. 399 00:28:04,601 --> 00:28:06,103 I think he's coming. 400 00:28:18,866 --> 00:28:20,367 He's here! 401 00:28:20,409 --> 00:28:21,785 Yeah! 402 00:28:25,330 --> 00:28:28,125 Yeah, baby! 403 00:28:28,167 --> 00:28:31,879 -Are we gonna have a bachelor party? -Yes! 404 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:33,964 -We gonna get down and dirty? -Yes! 405 00:28:34,006 --> 00:28:37,259 -Disgustingly puking? -Yeah! 406 00:28:37,301 --> 00:28:40,060 We've been working on this for weeks. 407 00:28:40,061 --> 00:28:42,723 We got all your favorite stuff, everything you love! 408 00:28:42,744 --> 00:28:45,475 -Hit me! -Here, Howard. 409 00:28:45,517 --> 00:28:50,105 What are we talking about, triple X? Little Oral Annie? Traci Lords? 410 00:28:50,147 --> 00:28:53,609 Lay some adult video on me. -We got it... uncut. 411 00:28:53,650 --> 00:28:56,820 "Funny Girl"! -Yeah! 412 00:29:00,157 --> 00:29:02,743 -"Funny Girl"? -Yeah. 413 00:29:02,784 --> 00:29:05,078 I don't believe this. Barbra Streisand? 414 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:09,280 -You had that film festival last year. -You made us watch all her movies. 415 00:29:09,304 --> 00:29:13,086 -It was fun. -Guys. Guys, I'm truly offended. 416 00:29:13,128 --> 00:29:15,589 Don't you see this is precisely the reason... 417 00:29:15,631 --> 00:29:17,841 ...why Cameron Drake and half the civilized world... 418 00:29:17,883 --> 00:29:19,801 ...think that I'm... you know. 419 00:29:19,843 --> 00:29:22,095 -No! -No! 420 00:29:22,137 --> 00:29:24,765 -You're a guy's guy! -No, no. 421 00:29:24,806 --> 00:29:29,603 I don't know how this got started but this is my goddamn bachelor party... 422 00:29:29,645 --> 00:29:31,939 ...and I am not going to goddamn watch... 423 00:29:31,980 --> 00:29:34,900 ...pardon my split infinitive... "Funny Girl"! 424 00:29:34,942 --> 00:29:37,611 -Me, neither. I hate that crap. -Thank you. 425 00:29:37,653 --> 00:29:39,895 -You got "A Star is Born"? -Sure. 426 00:29:39,896 --> 00:29:42,241 -"A Star is Born"? -She looks bad in it. 427 00:29:42,282 --> 00:29:44,952 -"Yentl". -"Yentl!" 428 00:29:44,993 --> 00:29:48,080 -I'd watch it again. -I love "Yentl"! 429 00:29:48,121 --> 00:29:51,625 -Yeah! "Papa, can you hear me?" -Produced and directed. 430 00:29:51,667 --> 00:29:56,630 Dudes, hombres, guys! I'm sorry. I am truly offended. 431 00:29:56,672 --> 00:29:59,831 I thought I knew you guys. I thought you were studs. 432 00:30:02,427 --> 00:30:04,305 I guess I thought wrong. 433 00:30:04,689 --> 00:30:06,682 I'm outta here. -Howard. 434 00:30:06,723 --> 00:30:09,448 Maybe he's right. "Yentl" sucks. 435 00:30:14,189 --> 00:30:15,763 What did you say? 436 00:30:16,692 --> 00:30:18,757 It sucks. It's boring. 437 00:30:23,365 --> 00:30:25,251 Say that again. 438 00:30:29,413 --> 00:30:32,958 She was too old for "Yentl"! 439 00:30:56,398 --> 00:30:59,555 I guess you heard the latest story. Michael Jackson getting married again. 440 00:30:59,597 --> 00:31:02,945 Yes, it's true and this time he's made the perfect choice. 441 00:31:03,030 --> 00:31:04,902 Howard Brackett. Yes, Howard Brackett. 442 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,580 This is Peter Malloy with day two of "Howard Brackett: Will there be a wedding?" 443 00:31:11,622 --> 00:31:14,082 I'm with Aldo Hooper, Howard's barber. 444 00:31:14,124 --> 00:31:18,045 -Stylist... razor cuts, color, full blow dry. -That's very nice. 445 00:31:18,086 --> 00:31:20,797 What do you think? Will there be a wedding? 446 00:31:20,839 --> 00:31:24,551 Howard is booked for Saturday. A full styling. I say yes. 447 00:31:25,677 --> 00:31:28,096 Emmett Wilson, who has just delivered Howard's mail... 448 00:31:28,138 --> 00:31:31,099 ...his intimate correspondence, letters to a legend. 449 00:31:31,141 --> 00:31:32,601 Anything we should know? 450 00:31:32,643 --> 00:31:35,398 I can't reveal that. I'm a postal employee. 451 00:31:35,422 --> 00:31:36,605 Don't make him mad. 452 00:31:36,647 --> 00:31:40,442 Of course he's getting married. He's a man of his word. 453 00:31:40,484 --> 00:31:42,778 Is this national? -You bet. 454 00:31:42,819 --> 00:31:47,324 Please, use your full zip codes. 455 00:31:47,366 --> 00:31:49,284 Greenleaf High, cradle of crisis. 456 00:31:49,326 --> 00:31:52,043 Howard's seniors... youth in the crossfire. 457 00:31:52,067 --> 00:31:54,915 Tell us in your own innocent young words, is he gay? 458 00:31:54,957 --> 00:31:59,127 Oh, no. He told us. It was all this huge mistake. 459 00:31:59,169 --> 00:32:03,090 It happened 'cause he likes poetry and uses a napkin. 460 00:32:03,131 --> 00:32:05,592 -Unlike some people. -What? 461 00:32:05,634 --> 00:32:08,595 Teens in turmoil. And your message to America? 462 00:32:08,637 --> 00:32:10,597 Greenleaf rules! Yeah! 463 00:32:10,639 --> 00:32:13,100 Kids on the edge. A community in chaos. 464 00:32:13,141 --> 00:32:16,520 Indiana cries out. Howard, can you hear? 465 00:32:23,151 --> 00:32:26,989 Howard, you got a minute? 466 00:32:29,658 --> 00:32:31,451 Howard... 467 00:32:32,494 --> 00:32:35,622 ...your life, I mean, since... 468 00:32:35,664 --> 00:32:38,792 ...since the Oscars, I can only imagine. 469 00:32:38,834 --> 00:32:43,797 It's over now. It's fine. It's just fine. It's all ancient history. 470 00:32:43,839 --> 00:32:46,633 We do have graduation coming up Monday... 471 00:32:46,675 --> 00:32:51,805 ...and you kind of put us right in the spotlight. 472 00:32:51,847 --> 00:32:53,473 I'm so sorry, Tom. 473 00:32:53,515 --> 00:32:57,269 I'd be less than honest if I didn't tell you... 474 00:32:57,311 --> 00:33:03,317 ...that I've gotten some calls from parents... 475 00:33:03,358 --> 00:33:08,530 ...wondering if, in fact, you were a ho... ho... 476 00:33:08,572 --> 00:33:11,658 ...h-ho... h-ho... -Home room teacher? 477 00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:13,619 Homo-homosexual. 478 00:33:15,204 --> 00:33:20,376 -Tom, do I look like a homosexual? -Would you walk for me? 479 00:33:21,126 --> 00:33:22,587 Excuse me. 480 00:33:23,337 --> 00:33:26,256 -Howard? -Yes. 481 00:33:26,298 --> 00:33:28,884 Do you enjoy teaching? 482 00:33:29,968 --> 00:33:31,803 No, I don't enjoy it. 483 00:33:31,845 --> 00:33:36,141 -You don't? -No, I love it. It's my life. 484 00:33:36,183 --> 00:33:39,478 Then you'd miss it? 485 00:33:42,689 --> 00:33:48,987 -Are you threatening me? -No, no. I'm your friend. 486 00:33:49,029 --> 00:33:51,657 Friends don't threaten. 487 00:33:52,241 --> 00:33:53,742 No, they don't. 488 00:33:53,784 --> 00:33:55,786 Friends warn. 489 00:33:56,410 --> 00:33:57,762 And you... 490 00:33:58,288 --> 00:34:01,625 ...you are getting married, aren't you? 491 00:34:02,265 --> 00:34:07,923 But are you saying that if I weren't getting married, I'd be fired? 492 00:34:09,633 --> 00:34:12,761 -But that's not an issue, is it? -No. 493 00:34:13,971 --> 00:34:15,500 Best wishes. 494 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:32,114 -Hi. -Bless you, my son. -Thank you. 495 00:34:32,156 --> 00:34:34,199 Would you like to tell me your sins? 496 00:34:34,283 --> 00:34:36,618 Yes. 497 00:34:36,660 --> 00:34:40,581 First of all, I'm not Catholic. -Then why are you here? 498 00:34:40,622 --> 00:34:44,001 I have a friend who's Catholic, and he's very busy. 499 00:34:44,042 --> 00:34:49,006 Aren't you helpful? What are his, you know, sins? Your friend's? 500 00:34:49,047 --> 00:34:53,135 He's a plumber, and he's about to be married. 501 00:34:53,177 --> 00:34:57,055 He's been engaged for 3 years. -Caution is a virtue. 502 00:34:57,139 --> 00:34:59,474 Yeah, but everyone's... 503 00:34:59,516 --> 00:35:03,061 Everyone's saying something about him that isn't true. 504 00:35:03,145 --> 00:35:06,190 It's not a bad thing, but he isn't that thing. 505 00:35:06,231 --> 00:35:09,902 Which thing are people saying about him? 506 00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:11,945 That... 507 00:35:13,322 --> 00:35:15,866 That he's gay. -That he's what? 508 00:35:17,034 --> 00:35:18,744 That he's gay. 509 00:35:18,785 --> 00:35:21,413 -Oh, my. -Yeah. 510 00:35:22,956 --> 00:35:25,629 That's rather like that fellow on the Oscars. 511 00:35:25,653 --> 00:35:29,087 That Howard Brackett from over at Greenleaf. 512 00:35:29,171 --> 00:35:32,341 -It's not him. It's a different guy. -What is it he wants to know? 513 00:35:32,382 --> 00:35:34,927 He wants to know what he should do. 514 00:35:34,968 --> 00:35:37,304 What is the right thing? He needs to know... 515 00:35:37,346 --> 00:35:39,640 His mother's planning this huge wedding... 516 00:35:39,681 --> 00:35:43,644 ...with the whole town, and it's her whole life. 517 00:35:43,685 --> 00:35:45,604 It's gonna be beautiful... 518 00:35:45,646 --> 00:35:51,485 ...but he doesn't want to leave this town. 519 00:35:51,527 --> 00:35:57,889 He has this wonderful fiancee who's sweet and thin and... 520 00:35:57,913 --> 00:36:01,453 ...he just has never had a physical relationship with her. 521 00:36:01,495 --> 00:36:05,082 -Never? In 3 years? -He respects her. 522 00:36:05,123 --> 00:36:06,500 -He's gay. -No, he's not. 523 00:36:06,542 --> 00:36:09,461 -Yes, he is. -No, he can't... no. 524 00:36:10,087 --> 00:36:14,466 Then he must go to her. He's got to find out. 525 00:36:14,508 --> 00:36:20,013 He must be, you know, be with her. Huh? 526 00:36:20,055 --> 00:36:21,765 Really? 527 00:36:24,142 --> 00:36:25,978 Before the wedding? 528 00:36:27,312 --> 00:36:29,390 Godspeed, my son. 529 00:36:30,983 --> 00:36:32,776 Let's do Michael. 530 00:36:49,084 --> 00:36:52,087 Emily! 531 00:36:52,129 --> 00:36:53,672 -Howard. -Emily. 532 00:36:53,714 --> 00:36:54,882 Howard. 533 00:36:56,633 --> 00:36:59,136 Howard. 534 00:36:59,178 --> 00:37:02,556 We're getting married. We are. 535 00:37:02,598 --> 00:37:05,601 Of course we're... I'm glad we're getting married. 536 00:37:09,438 --> 00:37:13,574 -Howard! -Who's gay, huh? 537 00:37:14,443 --> 00:37:16,069 Howard. 538 00:37:24,953 --> 00:37:29,917 -Howard, what is all this? -I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure. 539 00:37:29,958 --> 00:37:31,668 Could you turn him off? 540 00:37:31,710 --> 00:37:35,964 Howard. Howard, I love you. I'm not worried. 541 00:37:36,006 --> 00:37:38,967 -You don't understand. -Of course I do. 542 00:37:39,009 --> 00:37:42,554 Look at your life. The Oscars, the press. 543 00:37:42,596 --> 00:37:44,848 It's no wonder you're going crazy. 544 00:37:44,890 --> 00:37:46,600 -It doesn't matter. -Why not? 545 00:37:46,642 --> 00:37:49,728 Because I love you, and we're getting married. 546 00:37:49,770 --> 00:37:51,897 You still want that, Howard, don't you? 547 00:37:52,773 --> 00:37:58,695 That's why I transformed myself, isn't it? You want me to start eating again? 548 00:37:58,779 --> 00:38:02,866 -No! -I can, Howard! I'm very fragile! 549 00:38:06,286 --> 00:38:07,496 I love you. 550 00:38:34,648 --> 00:38:36,608 My God! Howard! 551 00:38:36,650 --> 00:38:38,610 Howard, you ok? 552 00:38:40,154 --> 00:38:45,576 No. No, I'm not ok. I've never been so not ok in my life. 553 00:38:45,617 --> 00:38:48,036 I tried to stop. 554 00:38:48,078 --> 00:38:52,124 One week ago, I was fine. I was perfect. 555 00:38:54,501 --> 00:38:56,587 I want my life back! 556 00:38:56,628 --> 00:39:01,383 That is not going to happen. Your life has changed. 557 00:39:01,425 --> 00:39:06,388 But why is this happening? I haven't changed. One little word and everybody changes. 558 00:39:06,430 --> 00:39:09,933 I'm still the same person. Why doesn't anyone believe me? 559 00:39:09,969 --> 00:39:13,061 This town is crazy about you. I've talked to everyone. 560 00:39:13,103 --> 00:39:15,731 Stop! That's the problem! It's you! 561 00:39:15,772 --> 00:39:19,943 You're trying to turn me into a story into something juicy for your show! 562 00:39:20,490 --> 00:39:22,984 I am not a sound byte! I'm... look, I'm... 563 00:39:25,407 --> 00:39:28,160 I'm hurting the people I care about. 564 00:39:28,202 --> 00:39:31,580 My students, my family, Emily. I love Emily! 565 00:39:31,622 --> 00:39:35,448 Then think about what you're doing to her. 566 00:39:35,472 --> 00:39:38,086 Will you... You're like talking to... 567 00:39:38,879 --> 00:39:42,758 Why am I talking to you? You couldn't possibly understand what this is like! 568 00:39:42,782 --> 00:39:44,639 Howard, I'm gay. 569 00:39:44,885 --> 00:39:48,075 -You're what? -I'm gay. I came out. 570 00:39:50,133 --> 00:39:52,809 -To whom? -To everyone. 571 00:39:52,851 --> 00:39:56,248 My folks, my boss, my dog. 572 00:39:56,290 --> 00:39:58,524 One day, I just snapped. 573 00:39:58,565 --> 00:40:02,861 I just got tired of switching pronouns and remembering to lower my voice... 574 00:40:02,903 --> 00:40:05,864 ...and I couldn't take lying to the people that I love. 575 00:40:05,906 --> 00:40:08,200 Does that sound familiar? -No. 576 00:40:08,242 --> 00:40:12,496 So I just said, "Mom, Dad, Sparky, I'm gay". 577 00:40:13,914 --> 00:40:15,209 What happened? 578 00:40:16,291 --> 00:40:20,629 My mom cried for exactly 10", my boss said, "Who cares?"... 579 00:40:20,671 --> 00:40:23,465 ...and my dad said, "But you're so tall". 580 00:40:23,507 --> 00:40:27,756 Everyone surprised me once I let them... 581 00:40:27,780 --> 00:40:29,388 ...once I trusted them. 582 00:40:29,429 --> 00:40:35,394 Sometimes the worst thing you think can happen turns out to be the best thing. 583 00:40:37,020 --> 00:40:39,314 -For you. -For anyone. 584 00:40:39,356 --> 00:40:43,925 -But I'm not gay! -What was Streisand's 8th album? 585 00:40:43,949 --> 00:40:46,738 -"Color me, Barbra". -Stud. -Everyone knows that! 586 00:40:46,780 --> 00:40:50,075 Everyone where? The Little Gay Bar on the Prairie? 587 00:40:50,117 --> 00:40:52,870 You know what you need? -I need a wedding! I need... 588 00:41:15,309 --> 00:41:17,853 -You kissed me. -You noticed. 589 00:41:19,146 --> 00:41:22,065 This is not Los Angeles. 590 00:41:22,107 --> 00:41:26,612 -People don't kiss in Greenleaf? -Not at an intersection! 591 00:41:27,946 --> 00:41:30,324 Stop. Hello, sweetheart! 592 00:41:30,365 --> 00:41:33,410 Mom! Dad! Hi. 593 00:41:33,452 --> 00:41:36,371 -Look, it's the cake. -Yeah, well... 594 00:41:36,413 --> 00:41:40,125 -Everything ok there? -Fine. This is my Peter... friend Peter. 595 00:41:40,167 --> 00:41:44,171 We ran into each other at the intersexual. Homosection... intersection. 596 00:41:44,213 --> 00:41:45,756 I gotta go. 597 00:41:46,924 --> 00:41:49,885 -It's that fella from TV. -Thank you. 598 00:41:49,927 --> 00:41:52,888 If you're Howard's buddy, I hope you come to the wedding. 599 00:41:54,264 --> 00:41:55,474 The wedding. 600 00:41:55,516 --> 00:41:59,144 That's right. Sunday morning, 9:00 a. m. 601 00:41:59,186 --> 00:42:02,231 Gotta go prepare myself. It's formal, you know? 602 00:42:36,181 --> 00:42:40,519 Welcome to our series on exploring your masculinity. 603 00:42:40,561 --> 00:42:44,648 This is audio tape number one... "Getting a Grip". 604 00:42:45,858 --> 00:42:48,694 Are you dressed in suitably masculine attire? 605 00:42:49,695 --> 00:42:50,821 Very. 606 00:42:50,863 --> 00:42:53,157 -Are you in control? -Yes. 607 00:42:53,198 --> 00:42:55,200 Are you ready to take charge? 608 00:42:56,702 --> 00:42:59,163 Are you a man? 609 00:42:59,204 --> 00:43:00,998 Yes! 610 00:43:01,039 --> 00:43:02,124 Stand up. 611 00:43:06,461 --> 00:43:08,797 Stand straight and tall. 612 00:43:09,798 --> 00:43:12,134 Excuse me, are we a little teapot? 613 00:43:13,635 --> 00:43:15,137 Untuck your shirt. 614 00:43:16,805 --> 00:43:18,473 Just one side. 615 00:43:22,019 --> 00:43:25,272 You hate this, don't you? -Look at it! 616 00:43:25,314 --> 00:43:28,817 You want to be neat. You want to be tidy. 617 00:43:28,859 --> 00:43:30,777 Adjust yourself. 618 00:43:32,488 --> 00:43:34,114 Not there. 619 00:43:34,156 --> 00:43:38,827 The package, sissy man. The family jewels. 620 00:43:41,288 --> 00:43:42,623 Grab 'em. 621 00:43:44,666 --> 00:43:47,169 -You're in a barroom. -Ok. 622 00:43:47,211 --> 00:43:48,712 Repeat after me. 623 00:43:48,754 --> 00:43:51,131 -"Yo". -Yo! 624 00:43:51,173 --> 00:43:53,133 -"Hot damn". -Hot damn! 625 00:43:53,175 --> 00:43:55,135 "What a fabulous window treatment". 626 00:43:55,177 --> 00:43:57,387 -What a fabulous... -That was a trick. 627 00:43:57,429 --> 00:43:59,598 Damn! 628 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:03,560 We've come to the most critical area of masculine behavior. 629 00:44:03,584 --> 00:44:05,812 -What? -Dancing. 630 00:44:05,854 --> 00:44:09,024 # At first I was afraid I was petrified. 631 00:44:09,066 --> 00:44:10,192 Dancing. 632 00:44:10,234 --> 00:44:13,779 Truly manly men do not dance. 633 00:44:13,821 --> 00:44:15,072 Come on! 634 00:44:15,113 --> 00:44:19,868 Under any circumstances. This will be your ultimate test. 635 00:44:19,910 --> 00:44:25,791 At all costs avoid rhythm, grace and pleasure. 636 00:44:25,833 --> 00:44:28,627 Whatever you do, do not dance. 637 00:44:31,547 --> 00:44:32,714 I won't! 638 00:44:32,756 --> 00:44:34,299 Can you hear it? 639 00:44:34,341 --> 00:44:35,467 Yes. 640 00:44:35,509 --> 00:44:37,719 Can you hear the demon? 641 00:44:37,761 --> 00:44:40,180 "Dance" the demon whispers. 642 00:44:41,181 --> 00:44:45,143 Everyone else is dancing. They're getting down. 643 00:44:45,185 --> 00:44:48,146 They're getting funky now. They're having fun! 644 00:44:48,188 --> 00:44:50,149 -Not you! -No. 645 00:44:50,190 --> 00:44:54,319 Catch the fever. Feel the heat of the disco beat. 646 00:44:54,945 --> 00:44:58,157 It's calling to you. Do not listen! 647 00:44:58,198 --> 00:45:00,159 Men do not dance. 648 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,745 They work, they drink, they have bad backs. 649 00:45:03,787 --> 00:45:07,082 They do not dance. Hold still. Hold tight. 650 00:45:07,124 --> 00:45:10,294 Whatever you do, do not dance! 651 00:45:15,632 --> 00:45:18,218 What are you doing? 652 00:45:18,260 --> 00:45:21,889 Stop dancing, you big ballerina! 653 00:45:21,930 --> 00:45:23,974 Stop waving those hands! 654 00:45:26,143 --> 00:45:28,604 Aren't you listening, you pantywaist? 655 00:45:28,645 --> 00:45:31,482 Stop it! Stop shaking that booty! 656 00:45:33,233 --> 00:45:36,945 Be a man! Kick someone! Punch someone! 657 00:45:36,987 --> 00:45:38,780 Bite someone's ear! 658 00:45:41,325 --> 00:45:43,368 Stop it! Get a grip! 659 00:45:44,745 --> 00:45:48,790 Think about John Wayne. Arnold Schwarzenegger. 660 00:45:48,832 --> 00:45:52,377 Arnold doesn't dance! He can barely walk. 661 00:45:52,419 --> 00:45:57,633 Stop it! Stop it! Just stop dancing! 662 00:45:58,968 --> 00:46:01,888 So how did you do, pussy boy? 663 00:46:17,153 --> 00:46:20,531 -Is it all right? Is my veil crooked? -It's perfect. 664 00:46:20,573 --> 00:46:24,410 You're everything I've ever dreamed of for a wedding and more. 665 00:46:24,452 --> 00:46:26,078 -Do you have an attorney? -Hush. 666 00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,414 You're radiant, dear. 667 00:46:28,456 --> 00:46:31,751 I just can't believe it. It's really happening. 668 00:46:31,792 --> 00:46:34,921 My life. After all those years, it's starting. 669 00:46:35,379 --> 00:46:39,425 -My mom says it won't last. -Your mom is an alcoholic. 670 00:46:47,266 --> 00:46:49,810 That's terrible! 671 00:46:49,852 --> 00:46:52,396 -Son, you need some help? -No, I'm fine, it's just that... 672 00:46:52,438 --> 00:46:54,941 ...the dry cleaners left a shine on my trousers and... 673 00:46:54,982 --> 00:46:56,901 ...my right lapel is slightly bent... 674 00:46:56,943 --> 00:46:59,278 ...and the laundry did not use enough starch in my shirt front. 675 00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:01,155 I mean, where are we, the Ukraine? 676 00:47:01,197 --> 00:47:03,366 How can I get married if I look like a hobo? 677 00:47:03,407 --> 00:47:07,245 -Howard. -I'm coming, Dad. One minute. 678 00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:17,922 There he is. 679 00:48:33,206 --> 00:48:37,293 What a joyous morning. What a perfect day. 680 00:48:37,335 --> 00:48:40,796 What a gloriously splendid occasion. 681 00:48:42,507 --> 00:48:45,510 Dearly, dearly beloved... 682 00:48:45,551 --> 00:48:48,262 ...we are gathered here to join this wonderful couple... 683 00:48:48,304 --> 00:48:53,643 ...in the state of holiest matrimony before the eyes of God. 684 00:48:55,603 --> 00:48:57,313 Before we begin the vows... 685 00:48:57,355 --> 00:48:59,899 ...is there anyone present who knows of a reason... 686 00:48:59,941 --> 00:49:03,569 ...why this couple should not be joined in holy wedlock? 687 00:49:11,494 --> 00:49:13,079 Very good. 688 00:49:14,247 --> 00:49:19,418 Because let us remember a marriage is truly a blessed event. 689 00:49:19,460 --> 00:49:23,089 It must be a union based on deepest love... 690 00:49:23,130 --> 00:49:27,760 ...total kinship and absolute honesty. 691 00:49:30,263 --> 00:49:32,098 Let us begin. 692 00:49:33,099 --> 00:49:37,270 Do you, Emily, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband... 693 00:49:37,311 --> 00:49:41,399 ...to have and to hold till death do you part? 694 00:49:42,441 --> 00:49:44,402 I do. 695 00:49:45,611 --> 00:49:50,491 And do you, Howard, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife... 696 00:49:50,533 --> 00:49:54,996 ...to have and to hold till death do you part? 697 00:49:58,457 --> 00:49:59,917 I'm gay. 698 00:50:01,794 --> 00:50:03,129 Pardon? 699 00:50:14,849 --> 00:50:17,310 I'm... I'm gay. 700 00:50:17,351 --> 00:50:19,645 -You're what? -He's gay. 701 00:50:19,687 --> 00:50:21,272 I heard him! 702 00:50:24,692 --> 00:50:27,778 Everyone, everyone. 703 00:50:27,820 --> 00:50:32,408 What Howard meant to say was, he's having a wonderful day. 704 00:50:32,450 --> 00:50:33,701 Mom... 705 00:50:38,206 --> 00:50:39,457 Dad... 706 00:50:47,507 --> 00:50:48,966 I'm gay. 707 00:51:26,712 --> 00:51:30,007 75 pounds... I lost 75 pounds. 708 00:51:30,967 --> 00:51:34,512 I'm horrible person and you have every right to hate me. 709 00:51:34,554 --> 00:51:35,930 You should hate me. 710 00:51:35,972 --> 00:51:38,516 I want you to hate me. I insist that you hate me! 711 00:51:38,558 --> 00:51:42,061 I'm scum, I'm garbage, I'm vermin... 712 00:51:42,103 --> 00:51:44,313 ...and I'm sorry. 713 00:51:44,355 --> 00:51:48,192 You're sorry? 714 00:51:48,901 --> 00:51:51,529 After I... I... 715 00:51:51,571 --> 00:51:54,490 ...wait for you for... 716 00:51:54,532 --> 00:51:55,867 No! 717 00:51:55,908 --> 00:51:59,036 No! Not just three years... 718 00:51:59,078 --> 00:52:00,913 ...my entire life! 719 00:52:00,955 --> 00:52:04,375 After I plan my future around our wedding? 720 00:52:04,417 --> 00:52:08,796 After I base my entire concept of self-esteem... 721 00:52:08,838 --> 00:52:11,799 ...on the fact that you're willing to marry me? 722 00:52:11,841 --> 00:52:15,261 And you're sorry? -I'm sorry. 723 00:52:17,096 --> 00:52:21,267 Thank God my parents are dead! This would've killed them! 724 00:52:27,398 --> 00:52:28,900 Are you... 725 00:52:30,276 --> 00:52:32,737 Are you really gay? 726 00:52:38,409 --> 00:52:42,622 Was... there... 727 00:52:44,248 --> 00:52:48,085 ...any other time you might've told me this? 728 00:52:50,254 --> 00:52:55,092 I'm wearing a wedding dress which you picked out! 729 00:52:55,134 --> 00:53:00,181 I highlighted my hair because you said I needed shimmer! 730 00:53:00,223 --> 00:53:03,267 I loved you and believed you... 731 00:53:03,309 --> 00:53:06,646 ...and pretended not to notice the Streisand thing. 732 00:53:07,355 --> 00:53:09,524 I thought you were just creative. 733 00:53:09,565 --> 00:53:10,775 I thought you were just smarter than me... 734 00:53:10,816 --> 00:53:14,612 ...and more sensitive and more interesting. 735 00:53:14,654 --> 00:53:18,491 I thought you were the most wonderful man who ever lived. 736 00:53:18,533 --> 00:53:24,664 I thought you could just change my life and show me the whole world... 737 00:53:24,705 --> 00:53:30,211 ...and teach me about art and life and magic. 738 00:53:30,253 --> 00:53:31,629 I thought you could... 739 00:53:31,671 --> 00:53:35,132 ...make me feel like a beautiful woman... 740 00:53:35,174 --> 00:53:38,636 ...instead of the girl nobody wanted. 741 00:53:38,678 --> 00:53:41,973 Oh, no. Emily. 742 00:53:42,014 --> 00:53:43,599 But... but... 743 00:53:44,350 --> 00:53:45,601 Emily. 744 00:53:48,396 --> 00:53:53,526 Does anybody here know how many times I've had to watch "Funny Lady"? 745 00:53:56,946 --> 00:54:00,074 It was a sequel. She was under contract. 746 00:54:00,116 --> 00:54:04,078 Fuck Barbra Streisand! 747 00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,621 And you! 748 00:54:17,049 --> 00:54:18,384 Emily! 749 00:54:22,555 --> 00:54:24,682 Emily. 750 00:54:49,165 --> 00:54:51,250 Howard, you did it! 751 00:54:52,043 --> 00:54:54,754 I'm so proud of you. Congratulations. 752 00:54:54,795 --> 00:54:56,589 Congratulations? 753 00:54:56,631 --> 00:54:59,509 I just destroyed Emily's life! I killed her! 754 00:55:00,384 --> 00:55:05,932 -You saved her life. -I don't believe it. 755 00:55:07,350 --> 00:55:11,771 I just came out at my wedding! 756 00:55:12,313 --> 00:55:17,818 In front of everybody! My family, my friends, my mom, my dad... 757 00:55:17,860 --> 00:55:19,153 Look at my hand. 758 00:55:19,195 --> 00:55:22,198 It was fantastic! It was a nightmare! 759 00:55:24,283 --> 00:55:26,536 I just demolished my mother's dream wedding! 760 00:55:26,577 --> 00:55:29,664 I'm... I'm... I'm a monster! I'm... I'm a lunatic. 761 00:55:29,705 --> 00:55:32,708 You're a hero, and I've got great footage! 762 00:55:32,750 --> 00:55:33,960 I got the whole thing! 763 00:55:34,001 --> 00:55:37,588 Is this about footage? I'll give you your headline. 764 00:55:38,381 --> 00:55:43,636 Howard Brackett is a big homo, queer, Mary, sissy man. 765 00:55:43,678 --> 00:55:46,556 He just came out at his big church wedding! 766 00:55:46,597 --> 00:55:48,850 Martha Stewart is furious! 767 00:55:48,891 --> 00:55:51,602 There. Is that what you want? -That was great stuff. 768 00:56:07,159 --> 00:56:09,370 No. Tell him I really appreciate the offer... 769 00:56:09,412 --> 00:56:12,165 ...but I just don't think I'm right for it. 770 00:56:12,206 --> 00:56:14,792 This is Peter Malloy for Inside Entertainment. 771 00:56:14,834 --> 00:56:17,670 I'm standing in front of Greenleaf's First Methodist Church... 772 00:56:17,712 --> 00:56:21,215 ...where Howard Brackett has boldly declared "I don't". 773 00:56:21,257 --> 00:56:24,135 Cam! Come look at this! 774 00:56:24,177 --> 00:56:26,637 Brackett, outted by Cameron Drake at the Oscars... 775 00:56:26,679 --> 00:56:29,098 ...today, to the amazement of family and friends... 776 00:56:29,140 --> 00:56:32,435 ...outted himself at his own wedding. 777 00:56:32,476 --> 00:56:34,312 You can imagine the fireworks. 778 00:56:34,353 --> 00:56:37,398 He's been besieged by the media, his job may be in jeopardy... 779 00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:38,858 ...and as for his fiancee... 780 00:56:38,900 --> 00:56:40,651 ...fellow English teacher Emily Montgomery... 781 00:56:40,693 --> 00:56:42,320 ...well, who knows? 782 00:56:42,361 --> 00:56:43,988 Miss Montgomery? 783 00:56:44,030 --> 00:56:48,659 But the real question is, where is Cameron Drake? 784 00:56:48,701 --> 00:56:51,829 This is Peter Malloy for Inside Entertainment. 785 00:56:51,871 --> 00:56:53,414 We got to get outta here. 786 00:56:54,332 --> 00:56:56,834 -Cam? -We got to go. 787 00:56:57,543 --> 00:56:59,045 Go where? 788 00:56:59,086 --> 00:57:01,422 Greenleaf... because of what I said. 789 00:57:01,464 --> 00:57:03,966 I got to see what's going on. I got to do something. 790 00:57:04,008 --> 00:57:06,219 But I promised Isaac I'd do his show. 791 00:57:06,260 --> 00:57:11,224 The new collection is this afternoon. I have to shower and vomit. 792 00:57:15,228 --> 00:57:18,147 Man! At his wedding. 793 00:57:18,189 --> 00:57:20,525 Poor Miss Montgomery. 794 00:57:21,526 --> 00:57:25,696 So I guess Mr. Brackett's really like that Cameron said. 795 00:57:25,738 --> 00:57:30,952 And you hung out with him. He drove you to that college interview. 796 00:57:30,993 --> 00:57:33,913 Didn't you, like, stay over somewhere? 797 00:57:33,955 --> 00:57:36,415 But nothing happened. 798 00:57:36,457 --> 00:57:39,794 I don't even know the guy... not anymore. 799 00:57:39,836 --> 00:57:42,421 Excuse me. You don't know the guy? 800 00:57:42,463 --> 00:57:46,259 He only got you into college. Just last week, he was your total hero. 801 00:57:46,300 --> 00:57:47,885 That was last week. 802 00:57:48,886 --> 00:57:53,599 Guys, we had a gay teacher all year. 803 00:57:53,641 --> 00:57:57,770 We have to face that... and move on with our lives. 804 00:57:57,812 --> 00:57:59,856 What are you talking about? 805 00:57:59,897 --> 00:58:02,942 Kids, how was the wedding? 806 00:58:04,652 --> 00:58:06,153 Fine! 807 00:58:30,553 --> 00:58:34,182 I can understand about Howard being gay... 808 00:58:34,223 --> 00:58:36,017 ...but I will never understand... 809 00:58:36,058 --> 00:58:39,520 ...as long as I live, as God is my witness... 810 00:58:39,562 --> 00:58:42,273 ...how could he not want a wedding? 811 00:58:42,315 --> 00:58:48,279 Oh, sweetie, it's not your fault. You have two boys. 812 00:58:48,321 --> 00:58:51,574 You fed them, raised them, and loved them the same. 813 00:58:51,616 --> 00:58:53,451 And one of them is gay. 814 00:58:53,492 --> 00:58:55,870 -And the other one is... -Walter. 815 00:58:57,330 --> 00:59:00,082 Howard was just being honest... 816 00:59:00,124 --> 00:59:03,085 ...clearing the air before he made a real mess. 817 00:59:03,127 --> 00:59:07,507 What's wrong with that? What are we all so afraid of? 818 00:59:07,548 --> 00:59:12,512 What do we think will happen if we all just spill the beans? 819 00:59:12,553 --> 00:59:15,139 I don't know. 820 00:59:15,181 --> 00:59:17,642 All right. I'll start. 821 00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:24,649 My Rice Drispie treats that I made for the reception... 822 00:59:26,567 --> 00:59:28,611 ...they're not my recipe. 823 00:59:30,196 --> 00:59:31,781 It's Harriet Carter's. 824 00:59:32,448 --> 00:59:35,701 After she died from that massive embolism... 825 00:59:35,743 --> 00:59:37,537 ...a lie was born. 826 00:59:39,539 --> 00:59:42,166 These are a dead woman's treats. 827 00:59:49,257 --> 00:59:54,011 All right. I'll say it right out loud. 828 00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:59,517 I hated "The Bridges of Madison County". 829 01:00:02,228 --> 01:00:04,564 My husband has three testicles. 830 01:00:06,816 --> 01:00:08,150 Bob? 831 01:00:09,944 --> 01:00:11,362 It's disgusting. 832 01:00:25,626 --> 01:00:29,005 I love this. 833 01:00:40,641 --> 01:00:41,893 Howard? 834 01:01:11,923 --> 01:01:13,090 So? 835 01:01:15,259 --> 01:01:16,427 So. 836 01:01:21,307 --> 01:01:23,100 Are you still gay? 837 01:01:24,977 --> 01:01:26,270 Yep. 838 01:01:31,651 --> 01:01:35,112 -Are you going to have an operation? -Excuse me? 839 01:01:35,154 --> 01:01:38,658 Will you be going into show business? 840 01:01:38,908 --> 01:01:41,661 Absolutely. Vegas. 841 01:01:42,286 --> 01:01:44,497 I'm making an effort here. 842 01:01:44,956 --> 01:01:46,749 I know, Dad. 843 01:01:46,791 --> 01:01:48,584 I'm a farmer. 844 01:01:50,628 --> 01:01:53,130 Your mother asked me to come. She's worried about you. 845 01:01:53,172 --> 01:01:55,633 She's afraid you're not eating. 846 01:01:57,218 --> 01:01:59,846 She sent you this. 847 01:01:59,887 --> 01:02:02,139 -What is it? -Wedding cake. 848 01:02:02,181 --> 01:02:05,518 -She's diabolical. -She's insane. 849 01:02:10,523 --> 01:02:15,361 Will we be seeing you at the graduation tomorrow? 850 01:02:17,321 --> 01:02:21,659 I got a call after the wedding... or after there was no wedding. 851 01:02:21,701 --> 01:02:23,160 They fired me. 852 01:02:33,296 --> 01:02:35,298 You taught those kids. 853 01:02:37,216 --> 01:02:40,720 If you're not there, what are they going to think? 854 01:02:42,013 --> 01:02:43,222 I don't know. 855 01:02:49,896 --> 01:02:53,357 That Barbra Streisand, did she do something to you? 856 01:02:53,399 --> 01:02:54,525 Dad. 857 01:03:02,074 --> 01:03:03,701 Thank you. 858 01:03:03,743 --> 01:03:05,036 Cam. 859 01:03:06,913 --> 01:03:08,414 Cam! 860 01:03:11,209 --> 01:03:14,170 Cameron, where are we? 861 01:03:14,212 --> 01:03:16,339 I told you. It's a motel. 862 01:03:18,549 --> 01:03:21,761 You don't seem to realize. 863 01:03:21,802 --> 01:03:25,556 I am a supermodel. I am Sonya! 864 01:03:25,598 --> 01:03:28,601 And I'm in a motel in Greenblatt? 865 01:03:28,643 --> 01:03:32,230 -Greenleaf. This is where I grew up. -I don't care! 866 01:03:32,271 --> 01:03:35,399 Sonya, we're here to help someone. 867 01:03:35,441 --> 01:03:37,235 For once, we're gonna think about something... 868 01:03:37,276 --> 01:03:40,154 ...besides our careers and our hair. 869 01:03:40,196 --> 01:03:42,365 We're gonna help Mr. Brackett, if I can find him. 870 01:03:45,910 --> 01:03:47,703 Cam! 871 01:03:47,745 --> 01:03:49,080 Cam. 872 01:03:49,121 --> 01:03:50,456 Where are you going? 873 01:03:51,290 --> 01:03:52,959 Cam. 874 01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:54,836 You can't leave me here. 875 01:03:56,671 --> 01:04:00,091 There's a diner down the block. Eat something. I'm begging you. 876 01:04:02,093 --> 01:04:05,888 You look like a swizzle stick. It's unhealthy. 877 01:04:06,472 --> 01:04:07,807 Food? 878 01:04:09,016 --> 01:04:12,937 I'm warning you. I'm calling my agency. 879 01:04:27,201 --> 01:04:29,287 Cam! 880 01:04:41,132 --> 01:04:42,800 Can I get a drink? 881 01:04:47,638 --> 01:04:48,848 What kind? 882 01:04:48,890 --> 01:04:51,225 Let's see. What kind? 883 01:04:51,893 --> 01:04:53,019 Is vodka ok? 884 01:04:53,060 --> 01:04:55,688 That's right. Straight up. 885 01:04:56,898 --> 01:05:01,360 And some peanuts. Lots of them. 886 01:05:01,402 --> 01:05:03,821 I don't care about anything anymore. 887 01:05:03,863 --> 01:05:05,990 What else have you got back there? 888 01:05:06,032 --> 01:05:10,036 I just want to eat. I just want to gorge. 889 01:05:10,077 --> 01:05:11,579 Thanks. 890 01:05:16,959 --> 01:05:19,045 You're from TV. 891 01:05:21,130 --> 01:05:23,674 -Guilty. -You're that guy. 892 01:05:23,716 --> 01:05:25,384 What are you doing here? 893 01:05:25,426 --> 01:05:29,847 Well... I am getting drunk. 894 01:05:29,889 --> 01:05:33,935 I had a bad day... a very, very bad day. 895 01:05:35,436 --> 01:05:38,606 -Excuse me? -You win. 896 01:05:38,648 --> 01:05:39,815 I hate men. 897 01:05:43,236 --> 01:05:47,240 Am I so repulsive that no man would want me? 898 01:05:47,281 --> 01:05:48,533 No! 899 01:05:49,534 --> 01:05:51,244 You're very attractive. 900 01:05:52,745 --> 01:05:57,166 Howard didn't think so. Howard didn't want me. 901 01:05:57,208 --> 01:05:59,043 Listen to me. 902 01:06:01,254 --> 01:06:04,382 This is Howard's problem, not yours. 903 01:06:04,423 --> 01:06:08,594 He should've told you. Years ago. 904 01:06:11,097 --> 01:06:12,223 Ok? 905 01:06:21,023 --> 01:06:24,569 I love you. You're nice. 906 01:06:25,862 --> 01:06:31,075 I'm not nice. I'm a hack. I'm show business garbage. 907 01:06:35,663 --> 01:06:37,748 Will you sleep with me? 908 01:06:45,339 --> 01:06:46,799 What? 909 01:06:48,843 --> 01:06:51,846 -Three years! -Oh, my God. 910 01:06:51,888 --> 01:06:56,642 Three years of sunsets, long talks... 911 01:06:56,684 --> 01:06:58,769 ...and loving support and friendship! 912 01:06:58,811 --> 01:07:00,188 God. 913 01:07:00,229 --> 01:07:04,358 This is my wedding night! I'm there! I'm ready! 914 01:07:04,400 --> 01:07:06,527 This is a medical condition! 915 01:07:06,569 --> 01:07:09,780 Gee, thank you, but I can't. 916 01:07:09,822 --> 01:07:12,408 You married? Seeing someone? I don't care! 917 01:07:12,450 --> 01:07:15,453 -No, I... -You're a man! I'm a woman! 918 01:07:15,495 --> 01:07:16,787 I'm gay. 919 01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:28,007 Is everybody gay? 920 01:07:28,049 --> 01:07:30,176 Is this The Twilight Zone? 921 01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:38,100 Hi! Will you marry me? 922 01:07:38,184 --> 01:07:43,189 I have the dress, the plane tickets! I'm packed! 923 01:07:46,234 --> 01:07:47,735 Stop! 924 01:07:47,777 --> 01:07:49,320 Stop! Please! 925 01:07:49,362 --> 01:07:51,155 Stop! You have to stop! 926 01:07:51,197 --> 01:07:52,990 It's an emergency! 927 01:07:53,032 --> 01:07:56,035 I need a heterosexual, code red! 928 01:08:02,041 --> 01:08:07,004 Miss, are you ok? Do you need help? 929 01:08:07,046 --> 01:08:10,132 No, no, no! I'm just beyond help! 930 01:08:10,174 --> 01:08:14,512 I'm just a grinch! I'm a jinx! 931 01:08:22,895 --> 01:08:25,189 Miss... Miss Montgomery? 932 01:08:36,242 --> 01:08:37,535 Cameron? 933 01:08:42,790 --> 01:08:46,043 Oh, my God. Cameron? 934 01:08:47,628 --> 01:08:49,005 What happened to you? 935 01:08:51,841 --> 01:08:53,050 Well... 936 01:08:53,092 --> 01:08:55,303 Well, everything! 937 01:08:55,344 --> 01:08:59,223 You won the Oscar and you said Howard was gay... 938 01:08:59,265 --> 01:09:02,393 ...and I didn't believe you, and I had no self-esteem! 939 01:09:02,435 --> 01:09:04,395 No, I... I mean your... 940 01:09:04,437 --> 01:09:05,980 Your body. What happened? 941 01:09:06,606 --> 01:09:12,195 What happened? Well... I was fat! 942 01:09:12,236 --> 01:09:16,616 And I swore I'd become someone else tonight! 943 01:09:16,657 --> 01:09:20,828 Then I did, and now I'm more miserable than ever. 944 01:09:20,870 --> 01:09:26,459 And I'm a mess, and I'm starving! 945 01:09:26,501 --> 01:09:31,130 But why? Why did you want to change? 946 01:09:31,172 --> 01:09:34,258 You were so beautiful. 947 01:09:38,262 --> 01:09:43,100 -I was? -You still are. You always were. 948 01:09:43,142 --> 01:09:47,104 It's just skinny girls can be so annoying sometimes. 949 01:09:47,146 --> 01:09:49,440 I mean, but you're not. 950 01:09:50,441 --> 01:09:54,403 You're just like I remember you from after school. 951 01:09:56,739 --> 01:09:58,115 You remember? 952 01:09:59,617 --> 01:10:04,330 "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? 953 01:10:04,372 --> 01:10:07,124 "It is the east, and Juliet is the sun". 954 01:10:10,127 --> 01:10:13,005 "How camest thou hither? 955 01:10:13,047 --> 01:10:17,260 "Tell me... And wherefore?" 956 01:10:20,555 --> 01:10:24,016 "With love's light wings did I o'er perch these walls... 957 01:10:29,230 --> 01:10:31,732 "For stony limits cannot hold love in". 958 01:10:33,693 --> 01:10:34,986 "Out". 959 01:10:37,530 --> 01:10:39,156 "Cannot hold love out". 960 01:10:55,798 --> 01:11:00,094 -I can't. You're a student. -Not anymore. 961 01:11:19,697 --> 01:11:22,158 I've seen all your movies. 962 01:11:22,200 --> 01:11:23,493 Both of them? 963 01:11:39,008 --> 01:11:40,968 Kim, Karen, wait up! 964 01:11:45,640 --> 01:11:49,352 -Let's go, it's starting! -Is my cap on straight? 965 01:12:12,416 --> 01:12:13,876 Hey, Jack. 966 01:12:18,798 --> 01:12:21,759 Hey... Mr. Brackett. 967 01:12:22,426 --> 01:12:27,473 -Big day. -Yeah. I can't believe it. 968 01:12:29,433 --> 01:12:32,937 -Congratulations. -Yeah, thanks. 969 01:12:32,979 --> 01:12:35,940 Jack! Come on, we're late! 970 01:12:35,982 --> 01:12:37,567 Good luck next year. 971 01:12:38,860 --> 01:12:42,446 You, too. Indiana State is lucky to have you. 972 01:12:54,667 --> 01:12:58,963 # Hail to thee O Greenleaf High 973 01:12:59,005 --> 01:13:02,925 # 'Neath the Indiana sky 974 01:13:02,967 --> 01:13:06,888 # Through thy halls we spent our youth 975 01:13:06,929 --> 01:13:11,017 # Seeking knowledge learning truth 976 01:13:11,058 --> 01:13:15,396 # Like a friend who walks beside us 977 01:13:15,438 --> 01:13:19,192 # Greenleaf High will always guide us 978 01:13:19,233 --> 01:13:24,155 # We will love thee till we die 979 01:13:24,197 --> 01:13:30,411 # Hail to thee O Greenleaf High 980 01:13:37,293 --> 01:13:39,462 That song always... 981 01:13:39,504 --> 01:13:43,674 ...reminds me of our our school motto... 982 01:13:45,176 --> 01:13:46,511 Studiare... 983 01:13:46,552 --> 01:13:48,638 ...imparare... 984 01:13:48,679 --> 01:13:49,889 ...partire. 985 01:13:50,806 --> 01:13:52,517 Study... 986 01:13:52,558 --> 01:13:54,227 ...learn... 987 01:13:54,268 --> 01:13:55,478 ...leave. 988 01:13:56,521 --> 01:14:00,525 Before we begin handing out diplomas, I have an announcement to make. 989 01:14:00,566 --> 01:14:01,859 We've... 990 01:14:06,697 --> 01:14:08,825 Well, we've... 991 01:14:08,866 --> 01:14:11,828 ...we've had quite a year, haven't we? 992 01:14:11,869 --> 01:14:16,374 But let's begin our ceremony on a high note. 993 01:14:16,415 --> 01:14:21,003 We're awfully proud, of course, of our Oscar-winning graduate... 994 01:14:21,087 --> 01:14:22,922 ...but today, we have... 995 01:14:24,715 --> 01:14:27,051 ...another winner, if you will. 996 01:14:27,093 --> 01:14:30,805 That's right. Our teacher of the year. 997 01:14:30,847 --> 01:14:32,974 And what do they say? 998 01:14:33,015 --> 01:14:35,726 May I have the envelope, please? 999 01:14:39,981 --> 01:14:42,650 The... the winner is... 1000 01:14:43,317 --> 01:14:45,361 I get so nervous here. 1001 01:14:45,403 --> 01:14:47,154 Can you hear my heart beating? 1002 01:14:50,283 --> 01:14:52,910 Seriously, though, ladies and gentlemen... 1003 01:14:52,994 --> 01:14:55,580 ...our brand-new teacher of the year... 1004 01:14:57,165 --> 01:14:59,500 ...Edward Kenrow. 1005 01:14:59,542 --> 01:15:01,252 No. 1006 01:15:05,756 --> 01:15:07,592 This is such a surprise. 1007 01:15:07,633 --> 01:15:09,093 Ed, Ed, Ed. 1008 01:15:09,135 --> 01:15:10,428 Thank you, Tom. 1009 01:15:12,597 --> 01:15:14,098 Hoosiers... 1010 01:15:14,140 --> 01:15:17,351 ...what is the definition of a Hoosier? Well... 1011 01:15:17,393 --> 01:15:19,478 Mr. Kenrow? 1012 01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:20,730 Excuse me? 1013 01:15:21,480 --> 01:15:25,985 Mr. Kenrow, I guess I'm a recent Greenleaf graduate. 1014 01:15:26,027 --> 01:15:27,820 It's Cameron Drake! 1015 01:15:29,030 --> 01:15:30,364 Cameron! 1016 01:15:30,406 --> 01:15:31,824 It's Cameron! 1017 01:15:35,244 --> 01:15:36,621 Please, please. 1018 01:15:42,502 --> 01:15:45,213 People! Can we have a little respect here? 1019 01:15:45,254 --> 01:15:48,257 We have our teacher... our teacher of the year. 1020 01:15:50,885 --> 01:15:53,137 Guys, please, please. 1021 01:15:55,806 --> 01:15:57,391 Man, I am... 1022 01:15:57,433 --> 01:16:00,728 I'm really sorry to interrupt graduation and everything. 1023 01:16:00,770 --> 01:16:02,980 I was looking for Mr. Brackett. 1024 01:16:03,022 --> 01:16:04,232 Hey, Mr. Brackett. 1025 01:16:05,650 --> 01:16:07,151 Cameron. 1026 01:16:07,193 --> 01:16:09,695 Weren't you up for teacher of the year? 1027 01:16:09,737 --> 01:16:13,282 No. Withdrawn. Tom. 1028 01:16:13,366 --> 01:16:15,451 Ineligible. 1029 01:16:15,993 --> 01:16:20,289 Mr. Brackett is no longer an employee here. 1030 01:16:20,331 --> 01:16:21,791 What? 1031 01:16:21,833 --> 01:16:23,501 Oh, why? What happened? 1032 01:16:23,543 --> 01:16:26,045 He resigned... sadly. 1033 01:16:27,213 --> 01:16:30,466 It's fine. It's all over and done. Today belongs to the students. 1034 01:16:30,508 --> 01:16:33,177 This is for the kids, for the youngsters. 1035 01:16:33,219 --> 01:16:34,470 They canned him? 1036 01:16:34,512 --> 01:16:37,181 Is this about the Oscars and the gay thing? 1037 01:16:37,223 --> 01:16:38,391 No. 1038 01:16:38,432 --> 01:16:40,518 No. No, no, no. 1039 01:16:40,560 --> 01:16:42,270 Then what is it? 1040 01:16:42,311 --> 01:16:44,146 We... we felt... 1041 01:16:44,188 --> 01:16:48,693 The... the community felt... that it was... 1042 01:16:48,734 --> 01:16:51,696 ...it was a question of... of... 1043 01:16:51,737 --> 01:16:52,864 ...influence. 1044 01:16:54,949 --> 01:16:57,493 I'm sorry. I'm a little slow. 1045 01:16:57,535 --> 01:17:01,289 I was a C student, and now I'm an actor, so... 1046 01:17:01,330 --> 01:17:02,373 Influence? 1047 01:17:02,415 --> 01:17:05,376 I mean, it's all right to be... 1048 01:17:05,418 --> 01:17:08,838 ...this way or that way at home... 1049 01:17:08,880 --> 01:17:11,549 ...in... in your... in your private area... 1050 01:17:11,591 --> 01:17:13,259 ...arena... arena... 1051 01:17:13,759 --> 01:17:18,347 ...but Mr. Bracket, after all, is... was... 1052 01:17:18,389 --> 01:17:19,974 ...a teacher. 1053 01:17:21,058 --> 01:17:22,393 Oh, I see. 1054 01:17:22,435 --> 01:17:24,520 So you're thinking about the students? 1055 01:17:24,562 --> 01:17:28,524 Yes, that's... that's what... that's what this is all about. 1056 01:17:28,566 --> 01:17:32,028 Ok, so... All right, so... Stay with me here. 1057 01:17:32,069 --> 01:17:35,615 So what you're saying is since Mr. Brackett's gay... 1058 01:17:35,656 --> 01:17:40,536 ...that he's going to send out some kind of voodoo vibes... 1059 01:17:40,578 --> 01:17:45,875 ...or gay microwaves and make everybody else gay? 1060 01:17:45,917 --> 01:17:49,378 In a crude manner of speaking. 1061 01:17:49,420 --> 01:17:52,256 Well, seniors, you've all had Mr. Brackett. 1062 01:17:52,298 --> 01:17:54,008 Is that the way it works? 1063 01:17:54,050 --> 01:17:57,595 Kids, you don't have to answer that question. 1064 01:17:57,637 --> 01:17:59,972 It's an inappropriate forum to discuss this. 1065 01:18:00,014 --> 01:18:02,350 This is still a graduation ceremony. 1066 01:18:02,391 --> 01:18:04,810 May I please finish my acceptance speech? 1067 01:18:04,852 --> 01:18:06,312 Hoosiers... 1068 01:18:06,354 --> 01:18:08,814 ...what is the definition of a Hoosier? 1069 01:18:08,856 --> 01:18:10,274 Well, way back in... 1070 01:18:10,316 --> 01:18:11,984 Excuse me, I'm gay! 1071 01:18:15,446 --> 01:18:17,240 Who said that? 1072 01:18:22,495 --> 01:18:23,913 Jack. 1073 01:18:30,336 --> 01:18:34,090 I had Mr. Brackett for senior English. 1074 01:18:34,131 --> 01:18:35,842 He taught me Shakespeare. 1075 01:18:36,676 --> 01:18:38,219 He was my track coach... 1076 01:18:38,261 --> 01:18:40,930 ...and he also helped me get into college. 1077 01:18:42,807 --> 01:18:46,352 I just realized that what Mr. Halliwell said is right. 1078 01:18:49,730 --> 01:18:51,274 It must've rubbed off. 1079 01:18:51,983 --> 01:18:53,484 I'm gay. 1080 01:18:55,486 --> 01:18:58,698 This is exactly my point... a young life corrupted. 1081 01:18:58,739 --> 01:19:00,283 Thank you. Very brave. 1082 01:19:01,534 --> 01:19:04,120 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 1083 01:19:04,162 --> 01:19:06,289 -Young lady? -It's happening. 1084 01:19:06,330 --> 01:19:08,958 I had Mr. Brackett all year, and... 1085 01:19:09,000 --> 01:19:11,294 Oh, my God, I'm gay! 1086 01:19:11,335 --> 01:19:12,962 Excuse me? 1087 01:19:13,004 --> 01:19:15,548 If there's something wrong with Mr. Brackett or Jack... 1088 01:19:15,590 --> 01:19:18,342 ...then there's something wrong with me. I'm gay. 1089 01:19:18,384 --> 01:19:19,510 So am I. 1090 01:19:19,552 --> 01:19:21,304 She is not! 1091 01:19:21,345 --> 01:19:23,472 I know you're not. You're a tramp. 1092 01:19:25,016 --> 01:19:26,976 Mike! Michael. 1093 01:19:27,018 --> 01:19:28,144 Oh, man. 1094 01:19:28,186 --> 01:19:29,520 Stirgo. 1095 01:19:29,562 --> 01:19:33,858 All right. I'm gay. I'm a homo. I like guys. 1096 01:19:33,900 --> 01:19:35,860 I still do it with chicks every chance I get... 1097 01:19:35,902 --> 01:19:37,445 ...and I'm totally good at it... 1098 01:19:38,863 --> 01:19:41,824 ...but I hate it and I'm gay. 1099 01:19:41,866 --> 01:19:44,452 Kids, kids, kids, please, please, sit down. 1100 01:19:45,620 --> 01:19:46,954 We're here to graduate. 1101 01:19:46,996 --> 01:19:51,584 I'm sure Mr. Brackett is gratified by your display. 1102 01:19:51,626 --> 01:19:55,838 Compassion is a wonderful quality, however misguided. 1103 01:19:55,880 --> 01:19:59,467 But as Howard very well knows, the decision is not yours. 1104 01:19:59,509 --> 01:20:00,968 It is a gonad thing. 1105 01:20:02,678 --> 01:20:05,389 A grown-up thing. 1106 01:20:06,724 --> 01:20:08,518 I have to answer to the community... 1107 01:20:08,559 --> 01:20:10,770 ...and as far as the community is concerned... 1108 01:20:12,230 --> 01:20:17,360 ...toward Howard Brackett, they have said, "No, no, no". 1109 01:20:18,361 --> 01:20:22,281 Please sit down, and let's pass out diplomas. 1110 01:20:23,324 --> 01:20:24,575 Well, I'm a... 1111 01:20:30,540 --> 01:20:31,874 I'm a member of the community... 1112 01:20:31,916 --> 01:20:33,835 ...and I don't mind that Howard's gay. 1113 01:20:33,876 --> 01:20:35,670 But you're his brother. 1114 01:20:37,797 --> 01:20:41,342 As... as you know. 1115 01:20:44,637 --> 01:20:46,389 So you know what that means? 1116 01:20:48,933 --> 01:20:51,894 I must be gay. 1117 01:20:53,187 --> 01:20:56,190 But you're not a parent, are you? 1118 01:20:56,232 --> 01:20:58,109 Excuse me, I'm a parent. 1119 01:21:01,445 --> 01:21:03,739 I've lived in this town all my life. 1120 01:21:05,408 --> 01:21:06,784 I'm Howard's father. 1121 01:21:09,871 --> 01:21:11,831 And I'm gay! 1122 01:21:15,543 --> 01:21:19,839 I'm Howard's mother, and I'm very proud of him... 1123 01:21:19,881 --> 01:21:22,341 ...and I'm... I'm a lesbian. 1124 01:21:26,053 --> 01:21:27,597 Excuse me. 1125 01:21:27,638 --> 01:21:31,017 Hi. I run the Bridal Barn for Better Brides... 1126 01:21:31,058 --> 01:21:33,519 ...and I can tell you Howard has perfect taste. 1127 01:21:33,561 --> 01:21:36,314 So do I, so, I'm gay. 1128 01:21:37,481 --> 01:21:40,443 I'm Howard's stylist, and I'm gay... 1129 01:21:41,152 --> 01:21:42,987 ...and I'm bald. 1130 01:21:44,697 --> 01:21:47,450 I deliver Howard's mail and everybody else's. 1131 01:21:47,492 --> 01:21:50,578 I'm a federal employee, and I'm gay! 1132 01:21:50,620 --> 01:21:53,581 Fire Chief Fred Mooney and the volunteer fire brigade. 1133 01:21:53,623 --> 01:21:56,459 Howard has always been ready to lend a hand. 1134 01:21:57,126 --> 01:21:58,336 Gay! 1135 01:21:58,377 --> 01:21:59,837 I'm gay. 1136 01:21:59,879 --> 01:22:03,424 I'm gay! I'm gay! 1137 01:22:13,184 --> 01:22:14,310 I'm gay. 1138 01:22:20,358 --> 01:22:23,319 But he's not the teacher of the year! 1139 01:22:23,361 --> 01:22:26,447 I am, and this belongs to me! 1140 01:22:26,489 --> 01:22:29,116 Maybe Mr. Brackett deserves something else. 1141 01:23:29,051 --> 01:23:30,178 You ready? 1142 01:23:30,219 --> 01:23:31,387 Nearly. 1143 01:23:32,388 --> 01:23:36,100 Very snappy. Nervous? 1144 01:23:36,142 --> 01:23:38,311 No. Why should I be nervous? 1145 01:23:38,352 --> 01:23:40,855 It's just a wedding. I want everything to be perfect. 1146 01:23:40,897 --> 01:23:42,732 It will be. 1147 01:23:42,773 --> 01:23:44,567 Is your cameraman here? 1148 01:23:44,609 --> 01:23:47,403 No, not today. I'm not filming this. 1149 01:23:47,445 --> 01:23:51,365 There are some things more important than show biz. 1150 01:23:51,407 --> 01:23:53,284 Really. Like what? 1151 01:23:53,326 --> 01:23:56,454 I don't know, but didn't that sound good? 1152 01:23:56,496 --> 01:23:58,831 Guys, we're starting. 1153 01:24:01,417 --> 01:24:03,211 Preacher's waiting. 1154 01:24:09,175 --> 01:24:12,595 What a truly special occasion. 1155 01:24:12,637 --> 01:24:15,515 What a joyous ceremony. 1156 01:24:15,556 --> 01:24:17,725 What an unusual couple. 1157 01:24:21,479 --> 01:24:23,356 Berniece, after 42 years... 1158 01:24:23,397 --> 01:24:26,609 ...do you still take Frank to be your lawfully wedded husband? 1159 01:24:27,485 --> 01:24:28,945 I do. 1160 01:24:28,986 --> 01:24:32,532 And do you, Frank, take Berniece to be your lawfully wedded wife? 1161 01:24:32,573 --> 01:24:34,033 I'd better. 1162 01:24:35,326 --> 01:24:37,662 I now pronounce your vows renewed... 1163 01:24:37,703 --> 01:24:40,456 ...for another 42 years. 1164 01:24:40,498 --> 01:24:42,166 You may kiss the bride.