1
00:02:04,890 --> 00:02:07,450
Yo, not gonna lie.
2
00:02:07,626 --> 00:02:09,685
This sound...
3
00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:12,524
...gets me hard as a fucking rock.
4
00:02:14,733 --> 00:02:18,464
But I don't like to go too fast
right off the bat.
5
00:02:18,637 --> 00:02:23,904
I'd rather work my way into it,
nice and easy.
6
00:02:24,076 --> 00:02:26,044
So I'll start off with some stills.
7
00:02:28,747 --> 00:02:31,807
Then, once I'm getting into it,
8
00:02:31,984 --> 00:02:33,611
I start looking for a video.
9
00:02:36,188 --> 00:02:40,921
I never actually touch my cock
till I find the right clip.
10
00:02:41,093 --> 00:02:42,856
Then, once I do...
11
00:02:43,028 --> 00:02:44,825
...goodbye.
12
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:49,090
For the next few minutes,
all the bullshit fades away,
13
00:02:49,268 --> 00:02:53,398
and the only thing in the world
is those tits...
14
00:02:53,572 --> 00:02:55,096
...that ass...
15
00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:58,238
...the blowjob, the cowboy,
16
00:02:58,410 --> 00:03:01,937
the doggy, the moneyshot, and that's it.
I don't gotta say anything,
17
00:03:02,114 --> 00:03:07,609
I don't gotta do anything.
I just fucking lose myself.
18
00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:13,948
There's only a few things
I really care about in life.
19
00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,192
My body...
20
00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:19,189
...my pad...
21
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,396
...my ride...
22
00:03:23,736 --> 00:03:25,363
...my family...
23
00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:26,561
Amen.
24
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:27,797
...my church...
25
00:03:28,807 --> 00:03:30,638
...my boys...
26
00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:34,940
...my girls...
27
00:03:39,451 --> 00:03:41,385
...and my porn.
28
00:03:42,321 --> 00:03:45,085
I know that last one sounds weird,
but I'm just being honest.
29
00:03:45,257 --> 00:03:48,454
Nothing else does it for me the same way.
Not even real pussy.
30
00:03:48,627 --> 00:03:50,891
And, yo, I get plenty of that.
31
00:03:51,063 --> 00:03:53,054
Why you think my boys call me The Don?
32
00:03:53,432 --> 00:03:55,764
- Jonny-Boy!
- Don Jon, what's good, baby?
33
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:56,924
- What up?
- You good?
34
00:03:57,102 --> 00:03:58,626
- I'm all right.
- Jonny, look at me.
35
00:03:58,804 --> 00:04:00,499
- Everything good with you?
- What's the matter with this guy?
36
00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:02,971
- Come here, you animal!
- Get the fuck off of me!
37
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:05,667
Real talk, real talk. Purple.
38
00:04:05,844 --> 00:04:08,108
- That's not bad.
- It's better than "not bad."
39
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,339
- You ain't see her turn around.
- You calling her a seven?
40
00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:12,313
- An eight. At least an eight.
- That is not an eight.
41
00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:15,282
She's cute in the face, you can maybe
call the face an eight, tits are a four.
42
00:04:15,454 --> 00:04:19,083
Yeah, but the butt, man, it's exceptional.
I'm telling you. It changes everything.
43
00:04:19,258 --> 00:04:20,850
- Shit!
- What?
44
00:04:21,026 --> 00:04:23,586
- Sequins. Don't look. Don't look.
- What? Who is that?
45
00:04:23,762 --> 00:04:25,855
- You don't remember her?
- She's coming over here.
46
00:04:26,031 --> 00:04:28,465
'Cause you're staring right at her.
47
00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:31,482
- Look who the fuck it is.
- How you doing?
48
00:04:31,603 --> 00:04:35,004
- Why didn't you call me back?
- Come on. You're a grown woman.
49
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:37,301
Did you think I was gonna call you back?
50
00:04:37,476 --> 00:04:41,139
You're pathetic, you know that?
Every week you got a new bitch.
51
00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:44,948
Then why'd you come home with me?
52
00:04:45,784 --> 00:04:46,842
Fuck you!
53
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:49,687
- Eight.
- No, that might be a nine.
54
00:04:49,855 --> 00:04:51,846
- You shitting me? That's a seven.
- You're out of your fucking mind!
55
00:04:52,024 --> 00:04:54,390
I gave you the eight,
your record's intact. Chill out.
56
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,289
You heard what she said?
Everyone knows about the streak.
57
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,828
- You're sick. You know that?
- I don't know what's wrong with me.
58
00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:00,556
- Oh, my... damn!
- What? What? Where?
59
00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:03,827
- Red.
- Holy shit! That's a dime.
60
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:06,597
- That is a dime.
- Nah, she's hot, but it's not a dime.
61
00:05:06,805 --> 00:05:09,535
I don't even mess with blondes like that,
but that there is a dime!
62
00:05:09,708 --> 00:05:11,539
- Fuck yeah.
- I don't know, there might be
63
00:05:11,710 --> 00:05:13,551
- some lasagna up in there.
- I don't think so.
64
00:05:13,679 --> 00:05:15,977
Definitely not.
She keep her shit tight, you can tell.
65
00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:18,378
- No. I don't know.
- See, he likes that skinny shit.
66
00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:21,519
He likes that skinny, high-fashion,
looks-like-a-boy shit.
67
00:05:21,687 --> 00:05:22,813
- Fuck you!
- Admit it!
68
00:05:22,988 --> 00:05:26,321
- He's kind of right, man, you do. - I
don't like more than a handful of titty.
69
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:31,020
No, no, no, no, no. No. A nice handful, I
love it, but more than that, it's like no!
70
00:05:31,196 --> 00:05:33,221
Shit starts to remind me
of my mom or something.
71
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:36,027
- Jesus Christ.
- Your mom do got some big-ass titties.
72
00:05:36,201 --> 00:05:38,169
- Don't talk about my mother.
- You brought up your mother.
73
00:05:38,337 --> 00:05:40,601
If you don't like that,
there's something wrong with you.
74
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:42,934
I didn't say I didn't like it.
I said it's not a dime.
75
00:05:43,108 --> 00:05:45,542
- That's incorrect.
- She's taller than you anyway.
76
00:05:45,711 --> 00:05:47,702
- Fuck you, Jonny.
- I'm playing, come on.
77
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,110
You gonna get that?
78
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:54,011
Let me get a vodka-cranberry.
79
00:05:56,121 --> 00:05:58,021
- Jonny!
- Sammy-boy, how you doing?
80
00:05:58,190 --> 00:06:00,681
- You good?
- Let me get a Grey Goose and soda.
81
00:06:15,974 --> 00:06:18,442
- What makes you think you could do that?
- Do what?
82
00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:20,737
- Get the fuck out of here.
- You wanna go somewhere?
83
00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:22,574
- Fuck you.
- You wanna fuck me?
84
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:24,375
- Is that why you kissed me?
- I didn't kiss you.
85
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,881
Yeah, you did.
86
00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:28,946
Stop it, I mean it. Stop it.
87
00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:31,612
Come on. Let me buy you a drink.
It's early.
88
00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:34,657
- Where you going?
- I told you where I was going.
89
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:37,091
Come on! Wait a minute!
90
00:06:37,262 --> 00:06:38,286
Shit!
91
00:06:42,434 --> 00:06:44,561
Yo. Headband.
92
00:06:47,973 --> 00:06:49,600
Nah, I don't know.
93
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:42,722
See? This is what I'm saying.
94
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,659
Real pussy's all good. But I'm sorry.
95
00:07:45,831 --> 00:07:48,356
It's not as good as porn.
96
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:49,865
Tits?
97
00:07:52,504 --> 00:07:53,835
Great.
98
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:55,337
Ass?
99
00:07:56,575 --> 00:07:57,872
Great.
100
00:07:58,043 --> 00:07:59,704
Blowjob?
101
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:04,474
Sure, it's fucking fantastic
in person... if she'll do it.
102
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:07,483
But in real life, if you wanna get head,
you gotta give head.
103
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,213
Lower. Not that low!
104
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:12,186
I know, some guys love
eating pussy,
105
00:08:12,324 --> 00:08:13,814
but the thing about those guys is,
106
00:08:13,992 --> 00:08:15,323
they're fucking crazy.
107
00:08:15,494 --> 00:08:19,396
Don't get me wrong,
I like a good pussy-eating clip.
108
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:23,433
But, from down here,
there's nothing good about this.
109
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:30,500
And if she does finally decide
to do you the big favor...
110
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:35,012
...she's in a fucking hurry.
111
00:08:35,147 --> 00:08:38,605
Now, when it comes to the
actual fucking...
112
00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:42,618
First of all, condoms are terrible.
They just are.
113
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:44,415
But you gotta wear one, 'cause,
114
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:48,287
unlike porn, real pussy can kill you.
115
00:08:48,460 --> 00:08:53,625
Second of all, missionary is the
worst position in all of fucking.
116
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:57,132
The tits lie flat,
you can't see her ass,
117
00:08:57,302 --> 00:08:59,702
you can't touch her ass,
'cause she's lying on her back.
118
00:09:01,106 --> 00:09:03,973
They won't let you do it from behind,
'cause they wanna look at you.
119
00:09:04,776 --> 00:09:07,404
And basically it's on
me to do all the work.
120
00:09:07,579 --> 00:09:10,946
Moneyshot? No.
There is no real-life moneyshot.
121
00:09:11,116 --> 00:09:14,483
Real girls won't do that shit. You
just gotta cum into the fucking condom.
122
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:24,623
So, you tell me, which looks better?
123
00:09:24,796 --> 00:09:26,423
This?
124
00:09:29,401 --> 00:09:33,428
Or this?
125
00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:20,346
Jesus! What are you fucking retarded?!
You're fucking retarded!
126
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:25,354
You're a retarded person
and you're driving a fucking car!
127
00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:50,279
In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
128
00:10:50,415 --> 00:10:53,179
- Amen. Bless you, my son.
- Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
129
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,183
It has been one week
since my last confession.
130
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:58,653
- Tell me your sins.
- Since last Sunday, I had sexual relations
131
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,917
out of wedlock two times. I also watched
132
00:11:01,059 --> 00:11:03,619
pornographic videos and
masturbated 17 times.
133
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,888
For these and all the sins of my life,
I am sorry.
134
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:08,589
- Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys.
- Thank you, Father.
135
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:10,128
Through the ministry of
the Church,
136
00:11:10,235 --> 00:11:11,259
may God give you pardon and peace,
137
00:11:11,436 --> 00:11:13,495
and I absolve you from your sins in the
name of the Father,
138
00:11:13,638 --> 00:11:14,805
the Son and the Holy Spirit.
139
00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:15,830
Amen.
140
00:11:16,007 --> 00:11:19,841
Bullshit! Bullshit! Did you see that?
That was fucking bullshit. Bad call.
141
00:11:19,978 --> 00:11:22,845
- Jesus fucking Christ!
- Jon!
142
00:11:23,014 --> 00:11:26,279
- Fucking bullshit. Did you see that?
- Nah, I didn't see it. What happened?
143
00:11:26,451 --> 00:11:27,941
They'll do a replay.
They better do a fucking replay.
144
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,918
Unless they just don't want us
to see how bad that fucking call was.
145
00:11:31,089 --> 00:11:33,057
Why don't you get the thing
where you can pause...
146
00:11:33,058 --> 00:11:35,117
- Assholes, where's the replay?!
- Dad, there's a thing you can pause
147
00:11:35,293 --> 00:11:36,973
- and rewind.
- What are you talking about?
148
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:38,896
It's digital.
You just rewind and watch it.
149
00:11:38,897 --> 00:11:41,388
- I'm not taping this.
- No, I know you're not taping it.
150
00:11:41,566 --> 00:11:43,466
Are you people serious, no fucking
replay?!
151
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:44,796
I'm not talking about a VCR.
152
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,063
How do I know what the fuck
you're talking about?
153
00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:49,764
I don't know, I guess 'cause most
American people have heard of TiVo.
154
00:11:49,941 --> 00:11:52,239
Most people that pay attention
to the world around them!
155
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,572
Here it is.
Shut up already, finally. Shit!
156
00:11:54,746 --> 00:11:58,443
- You seriously never heard of that?
- Yes! I've heard of it, Jesus fucking...
157
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:02,644
There! Look, his foot's on the line!
Look at that bullshit!
158
00:12:02,821 --> 00:12:05,181
- Jon! All right already!
- So if you've heard of it,
159
00:12:05,323 --> 00:12:06,620
- what is it?
- Did you see that?
160
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:09,158
- I'm asking you a question.
- It's a fucking thing...
161
00:12:09,327 --> 00:12:12,125
Wait a minute. Did you see that?
I'm asking you.
162
00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:14,162
- Did you?
- Nah, I didn't see it.
163
00:12:14,332 --> 00:12:16,133
Why not?! What the fuck's
the matter with you?
164
00:12:16,234 --> 00:12:19,931
I said look at this play,
I said it right to you!
165
00:12:20,105 --> 00:12:22,767
I ask you to do the easiest fucking thing,
and you can't do it!
166
00:12:22,941 --> 00:12:25,943
- At least I know what a fucking TiVo is.
- I know what a fucking TiVo is!
167
00:12:25,944 --> 00:12:27,711
You want a TiVo?
Is that what you're saying?
168
00:12:27,712 --> 00:12:29,680
- I would love a fucking TiVo.
- Who do you love?
169
00:12:29,848 --> 00:12:33,807
He loves TiVo. He sure as shit
don't love football. We know that.
170
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:46,458
One of these days, I'm gonna sit down here
and start eating, and you're gonna say,
171
00:12:46,631 --> 00:12:48,292
- "Mom, I found her."
- Ma!
172
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:49,695
One of these days.
173
00:12:55,340 --> 00:13:00,107
Holy Mary... Mother
of God...
174
00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:02,371
...pray for us now...
175
00:13:02,547 --> 00:13:04,515
...and at the hour of death...
176
00:13:05,350 --> 00:13:07,011
Amen.
177
00:13:13,191 --> 00:13:15,625
Hail Mary... full of grace...
178
00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:17,561
All right, I'll admit,
179
00:13:17,562 --> 00:13:19,154
there are some down sides.
180
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:22,858
Like there's the times you
find a great clip, with a hot chick.
181
00:13:23,034 --> 00:13:27,368
And right when you're starting to cum,
it shows the guy.
182
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,199
Fuck! Goddamn it!
183
00:13:32,377 --> 00:13:36,507
It's no one's fault, really,
but it still sucks. So...
184
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,763
Also, nowadays you got so much
185
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:44,015
to choose from, finding just the right clip
can take a lot of time.
186
00:13:44,189 --> 00:13:45,884
And my time is precious to me.
187
00:13:46,057 --> 00:13:49,322
Yeah, I got shit to do. So...
188
00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:52,856
And, every once in a while,
189
00:13:53,031 --> 00:13:57,229
you find a clip that's so good,
it's fucking depressing.
190
00:13:57,402 --> 00:14:00,337
And you're thinking to yourself,
why can't real pussy be like this?
191
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:03,531
You know, I smash new girls
all the fucking time,
192
00:14:03,708 --> 00:14:07,166
always an eight or better, and it's still
never this good. What am I doing wrong?
193
00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:13,950
Maybe it's time to try
something new. So...
194
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:24,661
Yo, you remember that dime from last
week?
195
00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:25,296
Oh, shit.
196
00:14:25,463 --> 00:14:28,023
The blonde in the dress?
She was insane, bro. You hit that?
197
00:14:28,199 --> 00:14:31,100
No, I didn't, you fucking alcoholic,
I saw you after she left.
198
00:14:31,269 --> 00:14:33,464
- Fuck you, Jonny!
- I thought you made that happen.
199
00:14:33,638 --> 00:14:35,435
- I threw it to this other random.
- Typical.
200
00:14:35,607 --> 00:14:37,327
- Probably an eight or nine.
- Six or seven.
201
00:14:37,475 --> 00:14:39,409
Shut the fuck up!
Who'd you take home, huh?
202
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,443
Twos and threes, baby. I'm telling you,
203
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,741
twos and threes are some
open-minded ladies.
204
00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:46,713
- I wanna find that girl.
- You get her name?
205
00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:49,547
- Her name?
- First and last name.
206
00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:52,281
I'm looking for her name,
first and last name.
207
00:14:52,457 --> 00:14:54,425
Shit, I don't know. You know who would?
208
00:14:56,962 --> 00:15:00,056
- Barbara Sugarman.
- Sugarman?
209
00:15:00,231 --> 00:15:01,562
Thanks, bro.
210
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:04,225
- OK, what was it again?
- Barbara Sugarman.
211
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:09,096
- You see her anywhere?
- No.
212
00:15:10,842 --> 00:15:12,503
- Oh, shit!
- That's her?
213
00:15:12,677 --> 00:15:15,805
- That's definitely her.
- Oh! Got you, bitch!
214
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,846
What you wanna say?
You gotta say something.
215
00:15:18,016 --> 00:15:20,348
- Really?
- A girl that bad gets mad friend requests.
216
00:15:20,518 --> 00:15:24,477
- Fuck!
- I think it's dinner. Maybe even lunch.
217
00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:26,749
Might have to take this girl
out for coffee.
218
00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:28,654
- Christ!
- Yeah, this is the long game.
219
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:32,319
You're not getting that butt from Barbara
Sugarman anytime in the immediate future.
220
00:15:32,497 --> 00:15:33,987
If you had it like that,
it would have went down.
221
00:15:34,165 --> 00:15:36,633
You're right. You're totally right. Shit!
222
00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:39,998
I know, I was about to say, the
mighty Don bringing out the long game?
223
00:15:40,171 --> 00:15:42,366
- She's a dime, but...
- This girl's more than a dime.
224
00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:44,007
Come on, son. There's no such thing,
225
00:15:44,142 --> 00:15:46,042
that's the point,
it's a scale from one to ten.
226
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:48,008
- I'm saying, this girl...
- Oh, my God!
227
00:15:48,179 --> 00:15:52,138
- You in love with this girl already?
- Go fuck yourself.
228
00:15:57,856 --> 00:15:59,448
- Hi.
- Can I help you?
229
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:03,060
- Yeah, two for lunch.
- Sure. Right this way.
230
00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:41,988
Hey.
231
00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:45,833
- How are you?
- Good. Good. How you been?
232
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:49,235
- How did you get my Facebook?
- Oh. Getting right to it.
233
00:16:49,407 --> 00:16:51,204
- Yeah.
- I just looked up your name.
234
00:16:51,376 --> 00:16:54,243
- I didn't tell you my name.
- Obviously you did, 'cause I looked it up.
235
00:16:54,412 --> 00:16:56,880
- No, I definitely did not tell
you my name. - Yeah, you did.
236
00:16:57,048 --> 00:16:59,881
- I think I would remember.
- No offense, but you were pretty wasted
237
00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:02,292
- the other night. So was I.
- Can I get you some drinks?
238
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:03,717
- Diet Coke, please.
- A Coke.
239
00:17:03,888 --> 00:17:07,449
Coke and a Diet Coke.
I'll be right back to take your order.
240
00:17:08,426 --> 00:17:09,893
I had a few drinks the other night,
241
00:17:10,061 --> 00:17:12,529
so I may not have remembered
telling you my first name,
242
00:17:12,697 --> 00:17:14,790
but I definitely did not
tell you my last name.
243
00:17:14,966 --> 00:17:16,866
- I'm telling you... Hey!
- Don't lie to me.
244
00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:19,902
Look, you don't know me, so I'm gonna
let you off the hook this time.
245
00:17:20,071 --> 00:17:23,529
But trust me, in the future you'll be much
happier if you always tell me the truth.
246
00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:25,608
Wait, wait, wait, I'll be happier?
247
00:17:25,777 --> 00:17:29,213
You don't think I could make you happy
if I wanted to?
248
00:17:30,615 --> 00:17:32,207
So how did you find out my name?
249
00:17:32,383 --> 00:17:34,317
- I asked around.
- You asked around about me?
250
00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:37,319
- Yeah.
- That's interesting.
251
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:39,150
- Why?
- Why? What do you mean why?
252
00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:41,622
- Why did you ask around about me?
- 'Cause I wanted to.
253
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:43,454
- You wanted to take me to lunch?
- Yeah.
254
00:17:43,628 --> 00:17:46,119
- Don't lie.
- OK, I asked around about you
255
00:17:46,297 --> 00:17:49,018
'cause I wanna fuck your brains out.
Is that what you want me to say?
256
00:17:49,934 --> 00:17:53,768
- Well, at least you're being honest now.
- Let me ask you a question.
257
00:17:53,938 --> 00:17:57,135
Why did you come here, huh?
Why did you say yes to me?
258
00:17:57,308 --> 00:17:59,105
- That's a very good question.
- Yeah, so?
259
00:17:59,277 --> 00:18:00,835
You're gonna have
to wait to find out.
260
00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:03,640
- All right. I got time.
- Really? You got time?
261
00:18:03,815 --> 00:18:05,680
It seemed like you were
in a big hurry the other day.
262
00:18:05,850 --> 00:18:07,370
I can be that way when I'm shit-faced.
263
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:11,686
You're cute, I like you.
264
00:18:11,856 --> 00:18:13,790
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
265
00:18:14,993 --> 00:18:17,427
Listen, you wanna know the truth?
266
00:18:17,595 --> 00:18:20,257
This is the truth.
267
00:18:20,431 --> 00:18:23,332
You're the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen in my life.
268
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,508
You like movies?
269
00:18:33,044 --> 00:18:35,171
I don't watch too many movies.
270
00:18:36,714 --> 00:18:39,308
I used to watch 'em a lot when I was a
little kid,
271
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,645
before I
could get my hands on any porn.
272
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:45,813
Back then, if I wanted to see a really hot
girl, my best bet was to watch a movie.
273
00:18:45,990 --> 00:18:47,958
- That's the one you like?
- Oh, it's so great.
274
00:18:48,092 --> 00:18:50,856
- I love these two. And you?
- Yeah. They're great.
275
00:18:55,066 --> 00:18:58,661
But now, I don't really see the point.
276
00:19:02,874 --> 00:19:05,741
I don't know, I guess I'm
missing something.
277
00:19:05,910 --> 00:19:09,539
Because most people eat that shit up.
278
00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:14,875
The pretty woman.
279
00:19:15,753 --> 00:19:16,913
The pretty man.
280
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:19,156
Love at first sight.
281
00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:21,551
The first kiss.
282
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,323
- The breakup.
- I felt that!
283
00:19:24,495 --> 00:19:26,486
- The makeup.
- I'm scared.
284
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:30,259
The expensive wedding,
and they drive off into the sunset.
285
00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:34,428
Everyone knows it's fake, but they
watch it like it's real fucking life.
286
00:19:38,943 --> 00:19:42,208
She was the most important thing to him.
He gave up everything for her.
287
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:44,848
It was just meant to be.
288
00:19:45,016 --> 00:19:48,042
- I love movies like that.
- Yeah, it was great.
289
00:19:48,219 --> 00:19:52,519
He's just such a real man.
And she's so beautiful too, always.
290
00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:55,181
- Her? No, she's too skinny.
- Yeah.
291
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,124
- What?
- You wanna know who's beautiful?
292
00:20:16,447 --> 00:20:20,474
- What makes you think you could do that?
- Do what?
293
00:20:55,653 --> 00:20:58,322
In the name of the Father, the Son
and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
294
00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:00,964
- Amen. Bless you, my son.
- Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
295
00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,025
It has been one week
since my last confession.
296
00:21:03,194 --> 00:21:06,163
- Tell me your sins.
- Since last Sunday I did not have
297
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,629
sexual relations out of wedlock.
298
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:13,362
I did kiss a girl, this one girl,
out of wedlock, several times,
299
00:21:13,538 --> 00:21:18,703
but it's just kissing. I don't know,
I forget if that counts, so...
300
00:21:18,876 --> 00:21:22,004
Also, I watched pornographic videos
and masturbated 22 times.
301
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:24,478
For these and all the sins of my life,
I am sorry.
302
00:21:24,649 --> 00:21:27,117
- Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys.
- Thank you, Father.
303
00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:28,646
Through the ministry of
the Church,
304
00:21:28,753 --> 00:21:29,811
may God give you pardon
and peace,
305
00:21:29,988 --> 00:21:32,789
and I absolve you from your sins
in the name of the Father, of the Son
306
00:21:32,790 --> 00:21:34,655
- and the Holy Spirit.
- Amen.
307
00:21:57,715 --> 00:21:59,615
Introducing the
308
00:21:59,751 --> 00:22:02,379
charbroiled, not fried, codfish
sandwich,
309
00:22:02,553 --> 00:22:04,680
only at Carl's Jr. and Hardee's.
310
00:22:11,362 --> 00:22:14,160
More than just a piece of meat.
311
00:22:26,110 --> 00:22:30,171
Oh, go! Jesus.
It's a yellow light! Fuck you!
312
00:22:38,923 --> 00:22:42,086
Our Father...
Who art in heaven...
313
00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:44,956
...hallowed be Thy name...
Thy Kingdom come...
314
00:22:45,129 --> 00:22:46,721
...Thy will be done...
315
00:22:46,898 --> 00:22:48,058
...on earth...
316
00:22:48,766 --> 00:22:49,755
as it is in heaven...
317
00:22:54,272 --> 00:22:56,069
- No.
- No... What?
318
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,265
- Not out here.
- So let's go inside.
319
00:22:58,443 --> 00:22:59,432
Mm-mm.
320
00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:01,737
- Why not?
- It's not time for that yet.
321
00:23:01,913 --> 00:23:04,609
- You sure?
- Yeah. We barely know each other.
322
00:23:04,782 --> 00:23:09,742
Yeah, we do, pretty much.
323
00:23:09,921 --> 00:23:12,890
- I don't know your friends.
- My friends?
324
00:23:13,057 --> 00:23:14,718
Mmm...
325
00:23:14,892 --> 00:23:17,918
- I wanna meet your friends.
- Those guys are assholes.
326
00:23:18,096 --> 00:23:19,586
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
327
00:23:19,764 --> 00:23:22,164
And you don't know my friends.
328
00:23:23,267 --> 00:23:26,065
- Or our families.
- Wait, our families?
329
00:23:26,237 --> 00:23:29,798
Yeah. I wanna meet your parents
and your sister.
330
00:23:29,974 --> 00:23:30,474
Oh, Jesus!
331
00:23:30,608 --> 00:23:32,337
What? You don't wanna meet
my brothers
332
00:23:32,510 --> 00:23:36,571
- and my sister?
- Uh...
333
00:23:36,747 --> 00:23:41,616
- 'Cause I know they wanna meet you.
- Yeah... I bet they do.
334
00:23:41,786 --> 00:23:43,754
Mmm...
335
00:23:46,924 --> 00:23:47,424
Mm-hm.
336
00:23:51,295 --> 00:23:52,284
- Jon.
- Yeah?
337
00:23:52,463 --> 00:23:56,194
- I can't let you come inside just yet.
- No?
338
00:23:56,367 --> 00:23:59,803
No, 'cause I don't know what that would
mean. You know?
339
00:23:59,971 --> 00:24:03,031
I don't want to do anything
unless it means something.
340
00:24:03,207 --> 00:24:04,196
Uh-huh...
341
00:24:04,375 --> 00:24:08,175
Mm... Don't you think it's always better
when it means something?
342
00:24:08,346 --> 00:24:10,109
- Yeah.
- Mm...
343
00:24:10,281 --> 00:24:13,307
I think you should go back to
school, baby.
344
00:24:13,451 --> 00:24:13,974
What?
345
00:24:14,152 --> 00:24:18,555
- Yeah, come on. Just a night class.
- Oh, my God!
346
00:24:18,723 --> 00:24:20,850
- Just get your degree.
- Oh!
347
00:24:21,025 --> 00:24:24,017
- You would be so sexy with a real job.
- Mm!
348
00:24:24,195 --> 00:24:27,130
Mm-hm! Yeah...
349
00:24:27,298 --> 00:24:30,961
So, what do you say? You, me
and our friends, we go out sometime?
350
00:24:31,135 --> 00:24:34,468
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah? And our families meet, huh?
351
00:24:34,605 --> 00:24:35,629
- Oh!
- Yeah?
352
00:24:35,806 --> 00:24:37,205
- Yeah.
- Mm...
353
00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:40,401
And you take one night class for me,
baby? One little class?
354
00:24:40,578 --> 00:24:42,637
- Oh! Oh!
- Huh? Yeah? Yeah?
355
00:24:42,813 --> 00:24:46,214
- Yeah! Oh!
- Come on, baby, cum... cum...
356
00:24:46,384 --> 00:24:50,514
Mm-hm! Uh-huh.
357
00:24:54,358 --> 00:24:56,849
- Nice.
- Oh, Jesus...
358
00:24:57,028 --> 00:24:58,655
Yeah.
359
00:25:06,204 --> 00:25:08,434
You're so cute.
360
00:25:14,879 --> 00:25:16,574
Call me.
361
00:25:51,449 --> 00:25:53,747
- Baby!
- Baby, what?
362
00:25:53,918 --> 00:25:55,249
- Baby.
- Baby...
363
00:25:55,419 --> 00:25:57,649
- You guys having a good time?
- You bitch, I don't wanna hear it.
364
00:25:57,822 --> 00:25:59,881
- Jesus Christ.
- A toast. Let's make a toast.
365
00:26:00,057 --> 00:26:02,924
Everyone listen up. You get up too.
This is for you. Come on. Get up.
366
00:26:03,094 --> 00:26:04,254
- Oh, God.
- All right.
367
00:26:04,428 --> 00:26:08,831
You guys know tonight is me and this
girl's one-month anniversary.
368
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,798
I'm counting that from the first time
I ever saw her, 'cause ever since then,
369
00:26:11,969 --> 00:26:15,996
I've felt the same way. She's the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.
370
00:26:16,173 --> 00:26:18,107
- To you, baby.
- No, to us.
371
00:26:18,276 --> 00:26:19,675
To us.
372
00:26:19,844 --> 00:26:22,312
- Mwah. Cheers.
- Cheers!
373
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,141
God bless.
374
00:26:25,349 --> 00:26:27,681
- So, what's he do?
- He's in school.
375
00:26:27,852 --> 00:26:30,082
- Oh, the family's got money?
- No, he's got a job.
376
00:26:30,254 --> 00:26:31,278
- Retail?
- No.
377
00:26:31,455 --> 00:26:32,444
- Service?
- Yeah.
378
00:26:32,623 --> 00:26:34,591
He's definitely been
spending time at the gym.
379
00:26:34,725 --> 00:26:38,126
- Right? I know. He is so disciplined.
- You guys work out together?
380
00:26:38,296 --> 00:26:41,288
- Mm-mm. No.
- Does he do that muscle guy thing
381
00:26:41,465 --> 00:26:44,366
where he's, like, looking at himself
while you're doing it?
382
00:26:44,535 --> 00:26:47,800
- Oh. We haven't done it yet.
- Shit, really?
383
00:26:47,972 --> 00:26:51,965
- Oh, my God. That's so amazing!
- All right. I like him.
384
00:26:52,143 --> 00:26:54,338
Goddamn! White shorts.
385
00:26:58,382 --> 00:27:00,680
- Nah.
- What? Come on, that's a dime!
386
00:27:00,851 --> 00:27:03,342
- That's not a dime.
- I'm sorry, but I'd rather do that
387
00:27:03,521 --> 00:27:06,012
- than do yours.
- You faggot motherfucker!
388
00:27:06,190 --> 00:27:09,182
- I can like any girl I wanna like.
- But she's not hotter than my girl.
389
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,227
- To you, maybe not, but to me...
- Look at that. Sorry, buddy.
390
00:27:12,396 --> 00:27:15,661
- Fuck you, Jonny!
- That's the way...
391
00:27:15,833 --> 00:27:17,323
Hi.
392
00:27:31,882 --> 00:27:34,146
Shit!
393
00:27:34,285 --> 00:27:36,048
So, uh...
394
00:27:38,889 --> 00:27:41,380
I'm sort of seeing this girl.
395
00:27:41,559 --> 00:27:43,857
- What did you say?
- What do you mean, what did I say?
396
00:27:44,028 --> 00:27:45,518
- Did you say...?
- She asked you what you said.
397
00:27:45,696 --> 00:27:47,630
What's the matter with that?
I couldn't understand you, either.
398
00:27:47,832 --> 00:27:49,493
Speak up and talk like a human being.
399
00:27:49,667 --> 00:27:51,100
- Shush.
- What's your problem?
400
00:27:51,268 --> 00:27:53,600
- Jon. Did you say you found her?
- What?
401
00:27:53,771 --> 00:27:57,263
- Well, I said I'm sort of...
- Oh, my God! What's her name?
402
00:27:57,441 --> 00:28:00,410
- Barbara.
- Barbara! Barbara what?
403
00:28:00,578 --> 00:28:02,739
- Here we go...
- Shh! Barbara what?
404
00:28:02,913 --> 00:28:05,905
- Barbara Sugarman.
- Sugarman?
405
00:28:06,083 --> 00:28:08,142
- She a Jew?
- I don't think so.
406
00:28:08,352 --> 00:28:10,445
- You don't know?
- We haven't really talked...
407
00:28:10,621 --> 00:28:12,418
She's not Italian, we know that.
408
00:28:12,590 --> 00:28:14,524
- Sugarman. She black?
- No.
409
00:28:14,692 --> 00:28:16,182
What does she look like?
410
00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:18,555
She's the most beautiful thing
I've seen in my life.
411
00:28:18,729 --> 00:28:21,562
- Oh, boy.
- Baby! Oh!
412
00:28:21,732 --> 00:28:23,927
That's the sweetest thing
I ever heard anybody say.
413
00:28:24,101 --> 00:28:27,264
- And does she love you?
- Wait a minute. Love him? You kidding?
414
00:28:27,438 --> 00:28:29,599
- Jon, shush!
- They're kids, for Christ's sake!
415
00:28:29,774 --> 00:28:32,208
- So what?
- You know what? Don't call me a kid.
416
00:28:32,376 --> 00:28:33,843
We talked about this,
I don't appreciate it.
417
00:28:34,044 --> 00:28:36,308
- Excuse me.
- Dad, I'm asking you nicely.
418
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,414
To not call you a kid?
You're a fucking kid.
419
00:28:38,582 --> 00:28:39,913
- Jon!
- Fuck you!
420
00:28:40,084 --> 00:28:43,247
Fuck me? Did you just say fuck me to
me?
421
00:28:43,387 --> 00:28:43,887
Jon!
422
00:28:44,054 --> 00:28:47,182
He said they're in love, they're in love.
It doesn't matter how old they are.
423
00:28:47,391 --> 00:28:50,224
He's older than you were when we
got married.
424
00:28:50,361 --> 00:28:53,228
You know that? For God's sake, he's
your son!
425
00:28:55,232 --> 00:28:56,563
You love this girl?
426
00:28:58,803 --> 00:29:00,293
Yes, I do.
427
00:29:01,472 --> 00:29:03,940
Then when do we get to meet her?
428
00:29:04,108 --> 00:29:06,906
Oh!
429
00:29:07,077 --> 00:29:08,442
All right, Mom, OK.
430
00:29:08,612 --> 00:29:11,513
Oh!
431
00:29:13,117 --> 00:29:16,348
Bella? Sweetheart, come
over here.
432
00:29:19,190 --> 00:29:22,853
Come on, let me fix your lipstick.
Here we go.
433
00:29:24,094 --> 00:29:25,618
- You look so beautiful.
- Thank you.
434
00:29:25,796 --> 00:29:28,788
- Can I get you a refill, Mrs. Sugarman?
- You don't have to do that.
435
00:29:28,966 --> 00:29:30,593
- No, it's my pleasure.
- Jon.
436
00:29:30,768 --> 00:29:32,793
- Thank you.
- Jon, you meet Daryl?
437
00:29:32,970 --> 00:29:34,995
- Oh, wow.
- You wanna hold him?
438
00:29:35,172 --> 00:29:38,198
- I don't know...
- Come here.
439
00:29:38,375 --> 00:29:40,866
Here you go, babe.
440
00:29:41,045 --> 00:29:45,141
- All right. Is that good? Is that right?
- Yeah.
441
00:29:45,316 --> 00:29:47,250
You look so cute, the two of you.
442
00:29:56,494 --> 00:29:57,859
Barbara!
443
00:29:58,028 --> 00:30:00,826
- How long have we been up here for?
- Not long.
444
00:30:00,998 --> 00:30:05,697
Well, I gotta go, we gotta go.
Come on, let's go. Come on. Come on.
445
00:30:06,704 --> 00:30:08,365
Close the door.
446
00:30:08,973 --> 00:30:11,533
OK. Let's take a break and when we
get back
447
00:30:11,675 --> 00:30:13,905
we'll go over the
course syllabus.
448
00:30:30,394 --> 00:30:32,828
- Hey.
- Baby! How is it?
449
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:35,022
- It's great.
- Yeah? You're on break?
450
00:30:35,199 --> 00:30:38,396
- Yeah. How did you know?
- Your schedule's online.
451
00:30:38,569 --> 00:30:41,538
- Baby, I'm just so proud of you.
- Thanks.
452
00:30:41,705 --> 00:30:43,036
- Baby?
- Yeah?
453
00:30:43,207 --> 00:30:45,675
Can I come over when you're done?
454
00:30:45,843 --> 00:30:47,811
- You wanna come to my place?
- Mm-hm.
455
00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:49,946
- What, tonight?
- Yeah.
456
00:30:50,114 --> 00:30:51,706
OK, great.
457
00:30:51,882 --> 00:30:55,249
- You get back to class, sexy man.
- All right.
458
00:30:55,419 --> 00:30:57,944
- Bye, baby.
- OK, bye.
459
00:31:11,068 --> 00:31:13,798
Jesus fucking Christ!
460
00:31:19,810 --> 00:31:22,438
- Excuse me. Sorry.
- Oh, fuck, I'm sorry.
461
00:31:22,613 --> 00:31:24,308
It's fine. It's fine.
462
00:31:33,057 --> 00:31:35,218
- Hi, baby.
- Hey.
463
00:32:05,623 --> 00:32:08,524
- It's OK. I'll be right back.
- Baby...
464
00:32:21,438 --> 00:32:24,839
I'm in love with Barbara. I am.
465
00:32:25,009 --> 00:32:27,375
And tonight, I finally got to fuck her.
466
00:32:27,544 --> 00:32:31,947
But I'm sorry to say,
it's still not as good as porn.
467
00:32:32,116 --> 00:32:33,344
Tits?
468
00:32:35,486 --> 00:32:37,613
Best ever.
469
00:32:37,788 --> 00:32:39,119
Ass?
470
00:32:41,125 --> 00:32:43,184
Best ever.
471
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:44,725
Blowjob?
472
00:32:52,336 --> 00:32:57,137
Shit. Good luck. A girl that hot?
She doesn't have to give head.
473
00:33:01,578 --> 00:33:05,878
For her, she just wants to go from
kissing, to naked kissing, to fucking.
474
00:33:06,050 --> 00:33:09,508
Or, you know, making love.
475
00:33:09,687 --> 00:33:12,383
And when I say "making love, " I mean...
476
00:33:12,556 --> 00:33:14,888
...missionary fucking.
477
00:33:15,059 --> 00:33:17,584
No doggie. No cowboy.
478
00:33:18,062 --> 00:33:19,903
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Baby!
479
00:33:20,064 --> 00:33:22,225
- What the fuck are you doing?
- I was reading e-mails.
480
00:33:22,399 --> 00:33:25,040
- You weren't. You were watching porno!
- That's not what that was.
481
00:33:25,169 --> 00:33:26,397
- I saw you!
- But, baby...
482
00:33:26,570 --> 00:33:28,595
Don't call me that. Oh, my God!
That's the most disgusting thing
483
00:33:28,772 --> 00:33:31,292
- I've ever seen in my life!
- Wait, don't go right now, please!
484
00:33:31,442 --> 00:33:33,376
I don't even know what that is.
That's sick...
485
00:33:33,544 --> 00:33:35,876
- But, baby, I'm telling you...
- Don't call me that!
486
00:33:36,046 --> 00:33:38,742
But I'm telling you, that thing
I was watching was just a joke!
487
00:33:38,916 --> 00:33:42,443
Some dumb-ass buddy of mine sent it
to me as a joke. Come on!
488
00:33:42,619 --> 00:33:45,884
You think I'm the kind of guy
that watches porn?
489
00:33:47,291 --> 00:33:48,849
No, you didn't seem like that type.
490
00:33:49,026 --> 00:33:52,018
Right. 'Cause fucking losers watch porn,
guys that can't get laid.
491
00:33:52,196 --> 00:33:55,597
Well, no. My friends' boyfriends are
watching porno on the Internet all the time,
492
00:33:55,766 --> 00:33:58,101
- it's fucking disgusting.
- It's stupid is what that is.
493
00:33:58,102 --> 00:34:01,299
Why would they watch porn
when they can get with a real girl?
494
00:34:01,472 --> 00:34:04,600
- So you don't do that normally?
- No.
495
00:34:04,775 --> 00:34:06,800
When was the last time you did that
before this?
496
00:34:06,977 --> 00:34:09,969
I don't even know.
When I was a kid or something.
497
00:34:10,147 --> 00:34:12,047
You're never gonna do it again?
498
00:34:12,216 --> 00:34:15,982
No. Why would I?
499
00:34:17,254 --> 00:34:19,722
- Promise?
- I promise.
500
00:34:19,890 --> 00:34:21,755
Baby...
501
00:34:23,060 --> 00:34:24,288
I love you.
502
00:34:32,803 --> 00:34:34,828
Come here.
503
00:35:14,611 --> 00:35:18,206
It's not that I can't stop.
I just figure, why should I?
504
00:35:18,382 --> 00:35:21,818
I mean, my girlfriend doesn't like it.
So she doesn't have to know about it.
505
00:35:21,985 --> 00:35:25,819
It's not like I'm cheating on her.
I don't do it when she's around.
506
00:35:30,460 --> 00:35:31,859
And everything's fine.
507
00:35:34,798 --> 00:35:39,565
She has been spending a lot of time
at my place, though. So I looked into it.
508
00:35:39,736 --> 00:35:43,968
And it's pretty amazing how easy it is
to get porn on-the-go these days.
509
00:35:44,474 --> 00:35:46,635
So...
510
00:35:56,920 --> 00:36:00,185
Excuse me? Sorry, were you on your
phone?
511
00:36:00,324 --> 00:36:00,890
No.
512
00:36:00,891 --> 00:36:03,052
- I'm Esther.
- Good to meet you.
513
00:36:03,227 --> 00:36:05,218
- What's your name?
- Jon.
514
00:36:05,395 --> 00:36:07,329
- I hope I'm not bothering you.
- No, it's fine.
515
00:36:07,497 --> 00:36:10,022
I just wanted to apologize.
I don't know if you remember,
516
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,328
you caught me in a kind
of an inopportune moment last week.
517
00:36:13,503 --> 00:36:17,098
- When I was sobbing by the door?
- Oh! Yeah, sorry, I'm sorry about that.
518
00:36:17,274 --> 00:36:20,710
Please, don't. Please, don't you apologize.
You didn't do anything wrong.
519
00:36:20,878 --> 00:36:23,711
- I felt like I should say something.
- OK. Well...
520
00:36:23,881 --> 00:36:27,578
Because I've been thinking about it,
a lot actually, and I realized that,
521
00:36:27,751 --> 00:36:31,517
you know, nobody's seen me
like that in, like, six months,
522
00:36:31,688 --> 00:36:34,418
- and it's not like it's a rare...
- Good evening, everyone.
523
00:36:34,591 --> 00:36:38,288
...a rare occurrence,
I mean, I do that all the time,
524
00:36:38,462 --> 00:36:42,922
I'm crying all the time. It's just
something that I do in private now.
525
00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:46,069
On the one hand,
you go there when you go there.
526
00:36:46,236 --> 00:36:49,205
On the other hand, it's really fucked up
to keep it hidden, right?
527
00:36:49,373 --> 00:36:52,103
That's what became clear to me
when you startled me.
528
00:36:52,276 --> 00:36:54,904
You didn't, you didn't mean
to startle me, you walked by,
529
00:36:55,078 --> 00:36:58,445
but I just...
so I wanted to say thank you.
530
00:36:58,615 --> 00:37:02,210
Were you... I'm sorry, this might be rude,
531
00:37:02,386 --> 00:37:04,149
but were you watching
people fucking on your phone?
532
00:37:04,321 --> 00:37:07,188
- What? No!
- It's OK if you were. I'm not judging you.
533
00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:10,383
- Lady, I'm just here to take this class.
- Did you just call me "lady"?
534
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,222
So you take care.
535
00:37:13,363 --> 00:37:15,263
Oh, yeah. Sorry. Say no more.
536
00:37:20,504 --> 00:37:23,132
- I'm sorry.
- No, it's fine.
537
00:37:36,753 --> 00:37:39,688
What, are you fucking kidding me?!
You're fucking kidding me, right?!
538
00:37:39,856 --> 00:37:41,448
- Baby!
- What?
539
00:37:53,603 --> 00:37:57,596
I feel like I should leave my jacket
in the car. Maybe not. Should I bring it?
540
00:37:57,774 --> 00:38:00,174
- Yeah, whatever you want.
- Oh...
541
00:38:00,344 --> 00:38:02,642
- I'm nervous. That's all.
- Why you nervous?
542
00:38:02,813 --> 00:38:04,212
- I don't know...
- You got nothing to be nervous about.
543
00:38:04,381 --> 00:38:07,248
You look beautiful.
God, you look beautiful.
544
00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:09,851
Oh.
545
00:38:10,020 --> 00:38:11,885
- Are you ready? Go ahead.
- Yeah. All right.
546
00:38:13,557 --> 00:38:15,115
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.
547
00:38:15,292 --> 00:38:18,853
Oh, hello, hello! You must be Barbara.
548
00:38:19,029 --> 00:38:23,523
- Hi, Mrs. Martello. Here, for you.
- Thank you, and please call me Angie.
549
00:38:23,700 --> 00:38:29,366
Come in, come in. Jon! Jonny's here!
Come say hello to your son!
550
00:38:29,539 --> 00:38:32,406
- Please.
- Let me get by you there, babe.
551
00:38:32,576 --> 00:38:37,240
Dad? I would like you to meet Barbara.
Baby, this is my dad.
552
00:38:37,414 --> 00:38:40,178
- Hi, Mr. Martello.
- Hey, good to meet you.
553
00:38:40,350 --> 00:38:42,910
- Jesus Christ!
- Jon!
554
00:38:43,086 --> 00:38:46,385
Oh, I... I wasn't expecting such
a lovely lady, that's all.
555
00:38:46,556 --> 00:38:49,354
Thank you. It's so nice
to finally meet you both.
556
00:38:49,526 --> 00:38:51,551
My pleasure, my pleasure.
557
00:38:51,728 --> 00:38:55,061
Well, please sit down
and I will be right back.
558
00:38:55,232 --> 00:38:58,895
- Can I help you with anything at all?
- Oh! I love her already.
559
00:38:59,069 --> 00:39:02,664
- Yes, please, sweetie, come on.
- You want me to take that, babe?
560
00:39:04,207 --> 00:39:06,801
- Hey, hey, Jonny-boy!
- She's cute, right?
561
00:39:07,010 --> 00:39:09,001
Are you fucking kidding me?
You didn't tell me you were bringing home
562
00:39:09,179 --> 00:39:12,410
- a piece of ass like that! - I told
you she was the most beautiful thing
563
00:39:12,582 --> 00:39:15,380
- I've ever seen in my life.
- Yeah, you told me, but I mean,
564
00:39:15,552 --> 00:39:17,383
Jesus Christ, those tits! They're real?
565
00:39:17,554 --> 00:39:21,115
- Yeah, they're real.
- Oh! Fuck me!
566
00:39:21,291 --> 00:39:24,920
- Did you clear the table?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here, honey.
567
00:39:25,095 --> 00:39:28,189
Let me move this here,
so you can put that right there.
568
00:39:28,365 --> 00:39:31,630
- Right here?
- Right there. That's perfect.
569
00:39:34,471 --> 00:39:37,565
So tell me. Tell me, how did
it go?
570
00:39:37,741 --> 00:39:40,574
I was out with some girlfriends.
We went to see some band.
571
00:39:40,744 --> 00:39:42,712
Back then you used to see bands
when you went out.
572
00:39:42,879 --> 00:39:46,315
- Honey, what band was it?
- You think I remember?
573
00:39:46,483 --> 00:39:49,543
It was 28 years ago,
and I didn't even give a shit then.
574
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:51,778
Anyway, I saw him early in the night,
575
00:39:51,955 --> 00:39:54,924
I don't know if he saw me till later,
but I saw him.
576
00:39:55,092 --> 00:39:57,788
And I saw her, you couldn't miss her.
577
00:39:57,961 --> 00:40:00,953
- She was like you.
- Thank you.
578
00:40:01,131 --> 00:40:03,463
- You know what I said?
- Listen to this.
579
00:40:03,633 --> 00:40:08,297
I said right then,
right when I saw her, I said...
580
00:40:08,472 --> 00:40:10,064
..."That's mine."
581
00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:13,937
- Oh, God.
- Yup. And he was right.
582
00:40:14,111 --> 00:40:15,806
Can you... Well, that's beautiful.
583
00:40:15,979 --> 00:40:19,176
- Oh! Big play! Look at that!
- OK, Jon.
584
00:40:19,349 --> 00:40:21,579
- All right, Dad.
- All right, yeah.
585
00:40:21,751 --> 00:40:25,312
- Good job, big guy.
- Sweetie, so nice to meet you.
586
00:40:25,489 --> 00:40:29,016
- Bye, Mr. Martello.
- Please call me Jon.
587
00:40:29,192 --> 00:40:30,659
OK, Mom.
588
00:40:31,628 --> 00:40:32,925
- All right, babe?
- Oh! Bye.
589
00:40:33,096 --> 00:40:34,063
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
590
00:40:34,264 --> 00:40:36,596
- Bye-bye.
- Drive safe.
591
00:40:37,367 --> 00:40:42,304
- I love her! I love her!
- Pretty good, huh? Not bad at all.
592
00:40:59,689 --> 00:41:02,289
In the name of the Father, the Son
and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
593
00:41:02,392 --> 00:41:05,054
- Amen. Bless you, my son.
- Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
594
00:41:05,228 --> 00:41:07,062
It has been one week
since my last confession.
595
00:41:07,063 --> 00:41:08,103
Tell me your sins.
596
00:41:08,231 --> 00:41:12,793
Since last Sunday, I had sexual
intercourse out of wedlock seven times.
597
00:41:12,969 --> 00:41:16,461
But... I stopped watching porn.
598
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:20,633
Yeah, no more of that,
just the intercourse now.
599
00:41:20,777 --> 00:41:22,369
So...
600
00:41:22,546 --> 00:41:25,640
For these and all the sins of my life,
I am sorry.
601
00:41:25,815 --> 00:41:28,682
- Five Lord's Prayers and five Hail Marys.
- Thank you, Father.
602
00:41:28,852 --> 00:41:30,285
Through the ministry of
the Church,
603
00:41:30,420 --> 00:41:31,546
may God give you pardon and peace,
604
00:41:31,721 --> 00:41:34,490
and I absolve you from your sins
in the name of the Father, of the Son
605
00:41:34,491 --> 00:41:36,459
- and the Holy Spirit.
- Amen.
606
00:41:36,860 --> 00:41:38,851
Very good. OK, when we
come back,
607
00:41:38,995 --> 00:41:41,225
we'll go over employee personality testing.
608
00:41:41,398 --> 00:41:43,491
Go ahead, take a break.
609
00:41:46,870 --> 00:41:49,896
- Hi. Mind if I sit down?
- You know, actually, I...
610
00:41:50,073 --> 00:41:51,700
- I brought you something.
- You what?
611
00:41:51,875 --> 00:41:53,137
- What's that?
- Open it.
612
00:41:53,343 --> 00:41:55,544
- I don't want to take that from you.
- No, no, open it.
613
00:41:55,679 --> 00:41:57,943
It's something silly.
It's a little thing. Go ahead.
614
00:41:58,114 --> 00:41:59,775
All right. I'll open it.
615
00:42:01,851 --> 00:42:04,081
- What the fuck is this?
- It's actually pretty good.
616
00:42:04,254 --> 00:42:06,245
- What is the matter with you?
- Have you seen it?
617
00:42:06,423 --> 00:42:08,516
- Are you crazy?
- It was made by this Danish woman
618
00:42:08,692 --> 00:42:13,459
in the '70s. It's probably not what you're
used to looking at, but it's pretty hot.
619
00:42:13,630 --> 00:42:17,031
OK. Look, I have a girlfriend, all right?
So...
620
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:21,261
I'm sorry, did you think I was
hitting on you? Because I'm not.
621
00:42:21,438 --> 00:42:22,564
Will you just take this?
622
00:42:22,739 --> 00:42:25,537
I didn't mean for it to be a big thing.
I thought you could use something better
623
00:42:25,709 --> 00:42:27,700
than that shit you're
watching on your phone.
624
00:42:27,877 --> 00:42:30,573
Am I right?
625
00:42:30,747 --> 00:42:33,682
If you have a girlfriend,
why are you watching dirty movies?
626
00:42:33,883 --> 00:42:36,317
- What?
- I'm just asking.
627
00:42:36,486 --> 00:42:39,319
- You're fucking weird, you know that?
- I don't entirely disagree,
628
00:42:39,489 --> 00:42:41,116
but you're the one who's gonna
pretend you're texting
629
00:42:41,291 --> 00:42:43,486
while you watch people pretend
they're fucking on your phone!
630
00:42:43,660 --> 00:42:45,661
The shit I watch on here,
they're not pretending.
631
00:42:45,662 --> 00:42:48,096
Of course they are.
632
00:42:56,573 --> 00:42:58,939
Forgive us our trespasses...
633
00:42:59,109 --> 00:43:02,636
...as we forgive those...
who trespass against us...
634
00:43:02,812 --> 00:43:07,647
...and lead us not... into temptation...
635
00:43:07,817 --> 00:43:09,250
...but deliver us from evil...
636
00:43:09,419 --> 00:43:10,977
- Baby?
- Huh?
637
00:43:11,154 --> 00:43:13,349
What are you doing?
You talking to yourself?
638
00:43:14,024 --> 00:43:16,515
- Yo, Jonny, you coming out tonight?
- That's dubious.
639
00:43:16,693 --> 00:43:18,820
I'm gonna wait for Barbara to call.
We're gonna meet up for dinner.
640
00:43:18,995 --> 00:43:21,429
- This fucking guy. Come on!
- What did you think he was gonna say?
641
00:43:21,598 --> 00:43:24,192
I thought he still had a pair
of balls hanging between his legs.
642
00:43:24,367 --> 00:43:27,302
You sound so fucking stupid to me right
now, I feel sorry for you.
643
00:43:27,470 --> 00:43:29,199
- Fuck you.
- I do. I feel sorry for you.
644
00:43:29,372 --> 00:43:32,107
You never been in love, so you don't
know what you're talking about.
645
00:43:32,108 --> 00:43:34,133
Hold up. Wait a minute. In love?
646
00:43:34,311 --> 00:43:36,711
When you really love a girl,
there's a lot that goes into it.
647
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,711
- You're saying you love her?
- Of course I love her.
648
00:43:38,882 --> 00:43:41,680
- I never heard you say you loved her.
- You weren't paying attention.
649
00:43:41,851 --> 00:43:44,718
I've been in love with this girl
since the first time I saw her.
650
00:43:44,888 --> 00:43:46,856
Why would I wanna go out
and try to pull randoms?
651
00:43:47,023 --> 00:43:48,991
None of 'em are gonna
look as good as my girl,
652
00:43:49,159 --> 00:43:50,854
none of 'em are gonna fuck me
as good as my girl.
653
00:43:51,027 --> 00:43:52,722
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
654
00:43:52,896 --> 00:43:55,126
- So she's good?
- What did I say? Yeah, she's good.
655
00:43:55,298 --> 00:43:57,163
- She's the best.
- So you titty-fuck her?
656
00:43:57,334 --> 00:44:00,633
Bro, she lets me do whatever the fuck
I want.
657
00:44:00,804 --> 00:44:03,398
This is what I'm trying to tell you,
if you would listen to me.
658
00:44:03,573 --> 00:44:07,373
I'm telling you guys something.
You be a man, you do the right thing,
659
00:44:07,544 --> 00:44:10,570
you find the right girl
and you treat her the right way?
660
00:44:10,747 --> 00:44:14,012
Watch what happens. Best sex of
your life.
661
00:44:14,184 --> 00:44:15,173
Hey, baby.
662
00:44:15,352 --> 00:44:17,081
- Hey.
- Hi.
663
00:44:18,221 --> 00:44:21,588
- I love it when you wear this shit.
- Oh, you're crazy.
664
00:44:24,894 --> 00:44:26,759
- You good?
- Yeah. You order anything yet?
665
00:44:26,930 --> 00:44:29,330
- No, I waited for you.
- Sweet.
666
00:44:31,668 --> 00:44:33,761
- Oh, fuck!
- Who's that?
667
00:44:33,937 --> 00:44:37,395
It's Linda.
She's been fighting with Chris.
668
00:44:37,574 --> 00:44:39,565
I don't think they're gonna work out.
669
00:44:39,743 --> 00:44:42,678
- You remember Linda and Chris, yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
670
00:44:42,846 --> 00:44:46,407
- I thought they were cute together, no?
- Sure. They seemed pretty good.
671
00:44:46,583 --> 00:44:50,019
She's 28 years old. She put like four
years into the guy already. It's terrible.
672
00:44:51,688 --> 00:44:54,714
- How did you get off work tonight?
- I got Stevie to cover my shift.
673
00:44:54,891 --> 00:44:57,257
- Stevie?
- Yeah, he needed the hours.
674
00:44:57,427 --> 00:45:00,692
- I don't think I know Stevie, no?
- No, I don't think you ever met him.
675
00:45:00,864 --> 00:45:04,561
- Oh! I wish somebody would cover for me.
- See? What did I tell you?
676
00:45:04,734 --> 00:45:06,725
The service industry,
it's not a bad thing.
677
00:45:06,903 --> 00:45:08,768
Come on, you're gonna look so good
in a suit.
678
00:45:08,938 --> 00:45:11,133
- I don't know.
- What? Please.
679
00:45:11,307 --> 00:45:13,267
If Armando can do it,
that man is such an asshole.
680
00:45:14,644 --> 00:45:19,775
He treats women like they're trash,
but... he makes six figures.
681
00:45:19,949 --> 00:45:23,441
Well, he's got a pretty great life, no?
If he could do it, you could do it.
682
00:45:24,788 --> 00:45:29,555
Hey, baby. You're a winner, right?
You respect people.
683
00:45:30,493 --> 00:45:31,983
You listen to people.
684
00:45:32,162 --> 00:45:35,154
- You think so?
- I know so, mister.
685
00:45:55,351 --> 00:45:58,115
Fucking 'caused it! Fuck!
686
00:46:46,636 --> 00:46:47,864
Hi, babe.
687
00:46:48,037 --> 00:46:51,370
I don't know which ones to get.
Baby, what do you think?
688
00:46:51,541 --> 00:46:54,442
That depends.
You gonna drill into your wall?
689
00:46:54,644 --> 00:46:56,202
I don't know.
690
00:46:56,379 --> 00:46:59,143
- You don't have a drill, do you?
- No.
691
00:46:59,315 --> 00:47:02,250
Nah, I didn't think so.
My dad has got a pretty good one.
692
00:47:02,418 --> 00:47:04,750
If you want me,
I can borrow his, I'll do it for you.
693
00:47:04,921 --> 00:47:08,755
- You gonna drill into my wall for me?
- Whatever you want, babe.
694
00:47:11,394 --> 00:47:14,363
You decide what color.
I'm gonna meet you at the registers.
695
00:47:14,531 --> 00:47:16,658
I wanna pick up a few things
in cleaning products.
696
00:47:16,833 --> 00:47:17,822
Where are you going?
697
00:47:18,001 --> 00:47:19,525
- What?
- Where are you going?
698
00:47:19,702 --> 00:47:21,693
I'm almost out of Swiffer pads.
I'm gonna pick a few up.
699
00:47:21,871 --> 00:47:23,432
- What pads?
- For the Swiffer.
700
00:47:23,540 --> 00:47:26,100
- I don't know what that is.
- You don't know the Swiffer?
701
00:47:26,276 --> 00:47:28,117
- What is that? No.
- Seriously? It's the best.
702
00:47:28,278 --> 00:47:30,198
You gotta try it.
What do you do for your floors?
703
00:47:30,346 --> 00:47:32,712
You got those nice floors at your place.
What, do you mop?
704
00:47:32,882 --> 00:47:35,908
- No.
- What do you do?
705
00:47:36,085 --> 00:47:39,748
- I don't know. I sweep it up with a broom.
- No, I mean to really clean it.
706
00:47:39,923 --> 00:47:43,381
- I don't know. The housekeeper does it.
- Oh, right.
707
00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:46,028
- Listen, I'll just be a second, OK?
- No, no, no. Come here.
708
00:47:46,195 --> 00:47:49,255
- What?
- You're not gonna go buy a mop right now.
709
00:47:49,432 --> 00:47:51,798
- It's embarrassing.
- No, I told you, it's not a mop.
710
00:47:51,968 --> 00:47:53,299
- It's these pads.
- I don't care.
711
00:47:53,469 --> 00:47:55,369
You shouldn't be doing
your own housework.
712
00:47:55,538 --> 00:47:57,301
- Why not?
- 'Cause you're a grown man.
713
00:47:57,473 --> 00:47:59,600
You shouldn't be cleaning your own
floors.
714
00:47:59,742 --> 00:48:00,868
Why? I enjoy doing it.
715
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:03,274
You know what? I'll call Rosa.
She'll do your place.
716
00:48:03,446 --> 00:48:05,812
- Who?
- Rosa, my cleaning lady, she's great.
717
00:48:05,982 --> 00:48:08,542
Babe, no.
Thanks, but I like doing it myself.
718
00:48:08,718 --> 00:48:10,879
Are you kidding me?
You don't got to be doing that.
719
00:48:11,054 --> 00:48:13,989
She won't do it right anyway.
You gotta vacuum my carpet a certain way,
720
00:48:14,157 --> 00:48:16,318
- or else it looks... - Don't talk
about vacuuming in front of me.
721
00:48:16,492 --> 00:48:19,154
- Why? What's wrong?
- Why? Because it's not sexy, that's why.
722
00:48:19,329 --> 00:48:21,388
You're not listening to me.
I like my place, OK?
723
00:48:21,564 --> 00:48:22,963
I'm proud of it,
I like to take care of it.
724
00:48:23,132 --> 00:48:25,657
I don't care. We're not having
this discussion right now.
725
00:48:25,835 --> 00:48:27,496
There's only a few things
I really care about...
726
00:48:27,670 --> 00:48:30,104
We're not talking about this anymore.
727
00:48:35,845 --> 00:48:38,177
- Fine, let's drop it.
- Good.
728
00:48:41,017 --> 00:48:42,917
Those ones.
729
00:48:43,686 --> 00:48:45,586
- You want those?
- Yeah.
730
00:48:48,691 --> 00:48:50,682
Come here. Listen to me.
731
00:48:50,860 --> 00:48:54,261
When we're living together,
you're not...
732
00:48:54,430 --> 00:48:57,365
...going to be doing... any cleaning.
733
00:48:58,534 --> 00:49:00,161
Come on.
734
00:49:12,949 --> 00:49:13,779
Jon? Excuse me.
735
00:49:14,283 --> 00:49:17,150
Look, I know you don't wanna talk to me.
736
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:19,220
I would leave you alone,
but I swear to God,
737
00:49:19,389 --> 00:49:21,380
I just fell asleep during
that entire class.
738
00:49:21,557 --> 00:49:24,890
The whole fucking thing.
Can I copy your notes?
739
00:49:25,061 --> 00:49:28,030
I'd ask somebody else, but everyone
in the class are like children.
740
00:49:28,197 --> 00:49:32,361
I'm not calling you old.
It'll take like five minutes...
741
00:49:32,535 --> 00:49:34,560
- Do you mind?
- Fine.
742
00:49:35,805 --> 00:49:38,467
Thank you so much. Do you wanna
go somewhere? There's a café...
743
00:49:38,641 --> 00:49:41,075
My girlfriend's waiting at home, so...
744
00:49:41,244 --> 00:49:44,145
Oh. OK, well, then I'll...
OK, I'll do this.
745
00:49:52,422 --> 00:49:56,518
I really shouldn't get so high after lunch
if I'm gonna be coming here later.
746
00:49:58,327 --> 00:50:00,693
You're probably right.
747
00:50:00,863 --> 00:50:03,889
It is pretty boring, don't you think?
748
00:50:04,067 --> 00:50:05,500
What?
749
00:50:05,668 --> 00:50:09,502
- I said this class is pretty
fucking boring. - Oh. Yep.
750
00:50:09,672 --> 00:50:11,867
Like they're teaching you to be a robot.
751
00:50:15,511 --> 00:50:18,537
- Why are you here?
- Hm?
752
00:50:18,715 --> 00:50:22,048
- Why did you pick this class?
- I didn't.
753
00:50:22,218 --> 00:50:24,243
What?
754
00:50:24,420 --> 00:50:27,912
No, it seemed like a good idea.
I'm in the service industry now.
755
00:50:28,091 --> 00:50:30,389
- You mean you're a waiter?
- No.
756
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:32,926
- Bartender?
- Yeah, so, if you wanna move up,
757
00:50:33,096 --> 00:50:34,723
- you gotta go to school.
- Right.
758
00:50:34,897 --> 00:50:40,267
But what do you mean you
didn't pick this class?
759
00:50:40,436 --> 00:50:43,303
- No, I did.
- Did somebody pick it for you?
760
00:50:43,473 --> 00:50:45,907
- No!
- Was it your parents or your girlfriend?
761
00:50:46,075 --> 00:50:47,755
- What is it with you? Huh?
- No, I just...
762
00:50:47,877 --> 00:50:50,038
- I was wondering...
- I'm doing something polite...
763
00:50:50,213 --> 00:50:52,477
That's mine.
764
00:50:52,648 --> 00:50:55,048
OK. Sorry.
765
00:50:58,788 --> 00:51:01,484
Jesus!
766
00:51:01,657 --> 00:51:05,889
Oh, man! Oh, God!
767
00:51:11,901 --> 00:51:15,496
- Hey, baby.
- Hi, Jon.
768
00:51:15,671 --> 00:51:17,605
What's wrong?
769
00:51:18,741 --> 00:51:21,141
Remember when we first started dating?
770
00:51:21,310 --> 00:51:25,144
What's the one thing I asked?
I said, "Don't lie to me."
771
00:51:25,314 --> 00:51:28,806
- All right, who's talking shit about me?
- Nobody said anything.
772
00:51:28,985 --> 00:51:33,445
- You gotta help me out...
- You looked at 46 porno sites today, Jon.
773
00:51:33,623 --> 00:51:35,784
- Just today.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
774
00:51:35,958 --> 00:51:38,449
- Don't fucking lie to me!
- I don't know who told you that!
775
00:51:38,628 --> 00:51:40,960
Nobody said anything.
It's right there in your history!
776
00:51:41,130 --> 00:51:44,497
All you do is look at porno.
That's all you fucking do!
777
00:51:44,667 --> 00:51:48,933
- Wait, wait. My what?
- It's in your history.
778
00:51:49,105 --> 00:51:51,335
In your browser?
779
00:51:51,507 --> 00:51:54,101
Come on, don't tell me you don't
know what your history is.
780
00:51:54,243 --> 00:51:57,110
No. Of course you don't, 'cause if
you did, you would have erased it,
781
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:58,645
like a good little phony. Here.
782
00:51:58,815 --> 00:52:03,218
There. Go ahead, look. Go ahead.
783
00:52:08,324 --> 00:52:10,986
- Baby, I...
- Please, no, don't call me that.
784
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,856
- I love you.
- Don't ever say that to me, ever again.
785
00:52:14,030 --> 00:52:16,464
- What do you want me to say?
- What do I want you to say?
786
00:52:16,632 --> 00:52:20,227
How about, "I'm sorry I've been
lying to you since the first day
787
00:52:20,403 --> 00:52:21,734
that we started dating"?
How about that?
788
00:52:21,904 --> 00:52:25,396
- I'm sorry. I am.
- How about, "I'm sorry I have more sex
789
00:52:25,575 --> 00:52:27,167
with that thing
than I do with my girlfriend"?
790
00:52:27,343 --> 00:52:30,710
First of all, everybody
watches porn, OK? All guys.
791
00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:32,905
Any guy tells you he doesn't
is lying to you.
792
00:52:33,082 --> 00:52:34,883
- You are so full of shit!
- Second of all...
793
00:52:34,884 --> 00:52:38,342
- You are full of shit!
- Second of all, you know damn well
794
00:52:38,521 --> 00:52:40,641
- we do it all the fucking time!
- Yeah, I know we do.
795
00:52:40,756 --> 00:52:43,156
- Whenever you want!
- So what the fuck is wrong with you?
796
00:52:43,326 --> 00:52:45,760
What the fuck are you doing?
How do you watch that shit?
797
00:52:45,928 --> 00:52:48,055
I don't know! OK? I don't know!
798
00:52:48,231 --> 00:52:50,995
How do you watch all the stupid
fucking movies you watch?
799
00:52:51,167 --> 00:52:52,725
How do I watch movies?
What are you talking about?
800
00:52:52,902 --> 00:52:55,496
I'm saying, you probably watch
that shit as much as I watch porn.
801
00:52:55,671 --> 00:52:57,332
What are you saying?
That has nothing to do with anything!
802
00:52:57,506 --> 00:53:01,237
- I'm just saying...
- Jon, movies and porno are different!
803
00:53:01,410 --> 00:53:04,072
- They give awards for movies!
- They give awards for porn too.
804
00:53:04,247 --> 00:53:06,511
Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
805
00:53:11,621 --> 00:53:13,714
I can't believe we're talking about this.
806
00:53:13,890 --> 00:53:15,881
I'm sorry. Jesus.
Look, stop it.
807
00:53:16,058 --> 00:53:18,720
I don't know,
I don't know what's wrong with me.
808
00:53:27,403 --> 00:53:31,305
I'm sorry, OK? I... I'm sorry.
I am so sorry...
809
00:53:36,712 --> 00:53:39,203
I really liked you, you know?
810
00:53:46,756 --> 00:53:49,782
I thought you were different.
811
00:53:49,959 --> 00:53:51,722
But you're not.
812
00:54:14,617 --> 00:54:17,916
So up until now,
my record was ten in one day.
813
00:54:18,087 --> 00:54:22,023
And for a long time,
I thought I'd never beat that. But today...
814
00:54:22,191 --> 00:54:24,989
...I hit 11.
815
00:54:27,163 --> 00:54:30,599
And you know, when I have great
fucking days like this,
816
00:54:30,766 --> 00:54:35,260
it just reminds me how much
I love being single.
817
00:54:35,438 --> 00:54:38,032
I do what I want, when I want.
818
00:54:38,207 --> 00:54:40,471
I don't have to flake
on my friends anymore.
819
00:54:42,111 --> 00:54:44,636
I don't have to waste my time
in a fucking classroom.
820
00:54:44,814 --> 00:54:48,807
It just feels good, like...
like I got my own life back.
821
00:54:50,720 --> 00:54:55,020
I mean, you think I could have hit 11 when
I was with Barbara? No! Definitely not.
822
00:54:57,360 --> 00:54:59,487
So...
823
00:55:16,912 --> 00:55:20,404
- Jonny-boy! - Jesus, bro, I
can smell it on you already.
824
00:55:20,583 --> 00:55:23,183
- You got to catch up, baby!
- You mean I got to buy your poor ass
825
00:55:23,319 --> 00:55:25,981
- a fucking drink?
- Yo, the Don mad anxious tonight.
826
00:55:26,155 --> 00:55:27,679
- Fuck you!
- Where's wifey?
827
00:55:27,857 --> 00:55:30,417
- Fuck that bitch.
- Oh, shit!
828
00:55:30,593 --> 00:55:32,026
- Damn, OK!
- All right.
829
00:55:32,194 --> 00:55:36,426
You can't have this one, 'cause I
saw her first, but check out pink.
830
00:55:36,599 --> 00:55:39,500
Yeah. She's all right.
831
00:55:57,753 --> 00:56:00,381
- Hey, fuck you, buddy!
- Fuck you!
832
00:56:00,556 --> 00:56:05,016
What'd you say? Huh?
What the fuck did you just say?! Hey!
833
00:56:05,194 --> 00:56:08,063
You wanna say some shit? Let's hear it,
you fat fuck! What did you say?!
834
00:56:08,064 --> 00:56:12,763
- I said fuck you!
- Fuck me, huh? Fuck me?
835
00:56:12,935 --> 00:56:17,065
Is that what you said?!
Huh? Huh? You fuck! Ah!
836
00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:20,675
Fuck! Goddamn it! Fuck!
837
00:56:36,158 --> 00:56:38,558
In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
838
00:56:38,561 --> 00:56:41,257
- Amen. Bless you, my son.
- Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
839
00:56:41,430 --> 00:56:42,829
It has been one week
since my last confession.
840
00:56:42,998 --> 00:56:44,932
- Jonny, where were you?
- Don't worry about it.
841
00:56:45,101 --> 00:56:46,432
- What did you do to your...?
- Mom, it's fine.
842
00:56:46,602 --> 00:56:49,435
- Shh!
- Hey, hush yourself!
843
00:56:49,605 --> 00:56:52,073
Mom! It's fine. OK?
844
00:56:52,241 --> 00:56:53,435
Tell me your sins.
845
00:56:53,609 --> 00:56:57,272
Father, I don't know what happened, but...
846
00:56:57,446 --> 00:57:00,210
...I guess I lost my temper and I...
847
00:57:00,416 --> 00:57:03,317
I punched through this guy's window
on my way here right now.
848
00:57:03,486 --> 00:57:05,613
I didn't hurt anybody, but...
849
00:57:06,655 --> 00:57:09,180
Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me.
850
00:57:11,193 --> 00:57:14,754
Also, I watched pornographic videos
and masturbated 35 times.
851
00:57:14,930 --> 00:57:18,297
For these and all the sins of my life,
I'm sorry.
852
00:57:18,467 --> 00:57:21,959
- Twenty Lord's Prayers and 25 Hail Marys.
- Thank you, Father.
853
00:57:22,138 --> 00:57:23,872
Through the ministry of
the Church,
854
00:57:23,873 --> 00:57:25,273
may God give you pardon
and peace.
855
00:57:25,274 --> 00:57:27,041
I absolve you from your sins in the
name of
856
00:57:27,042 --> 00:57:28,669
the Father, the Son and the
Holy Spirit.
857
00:57:28,844 --> 00:57:30,209
Amen.
858
00:57:30,379 --> 00:57:34,645
- So Barbara couldn't come tonight?
- No, she had this family thing tonight.
859
00:57:34,817 --> 00:57:36,876
But she wanted to make it,
she just couldn't.
860
00:57:37,052 --> 00:57:40,044
- She told me to say hello to you guys.
- That's sweet.
861
00:57:40,222 --> 00:57:41,883
Everything good with the two of you?
862
00:57:44,326 --> 00:57:47,523
- Yeah, she's great.
- She's a catch, Jonny.
863
00:57:47,696 --> 00:57:50,290
Beautiful girl.
864
00:57:50,466 --> 00:57:54,630
I'm telling you,
a woman like that make a boy into a man.
865
00:57:54,803 --> 00:57:56,998
I can see it on you too, it's starting.
866
00:58:08,751 --> 00:58:10,844
Holy Mary...
867
00:58:12,021 --> 00:58:13,386
...Mother of God...
868
00:58:14,890 --> 00:58:16,824
...pray for us sinners...
869
00:58:19,028 --> 00:58:20,359
...now...
870
00:58:21,730 --> 00:58:23,493
...and at the hour of our death.
871
00:58:25,901 --> 00:58:27,425
Amen.
872
00:58:45,554 --> 00:58:47,283
What the fuck?
873
00:58:58,701 --> 00:59:00,896
- The fuck you doing here?
- Damn, really?
874
00:59:01,070 --> 00:59:03,595
- Bro, I'm busy.
- Word, what you doing?
875
00:59:04,907 --> 00:59:08,707
Right. Just 'cause you don't pick up
your phone don't make you busy.
876
00:59:11,780 --> 00:59:14,874
- You smashed up somebody's car?
- Who told you that?
877
00:59:15,050 --> 00:59:19,350
Kerry's sister said she heard you broke
through some guy's window.
878
00:59:19,555 --> 00:59:21,580
- Well, did you?
- The guy was a fucking asshole.
879
00:59:21,757 --> 00:59:23,156
- What did he do?
- Why you taking his side?
880
00:59:23,325 --> 00:59:24,815
- I'm not taking his side.
- You are.
881
00:59:24,994 --> 00:59:28,122
Stop and think for a second.
Stop and think for a second.
882
00:59:28,297 --> 00:59:31,391
I don't care about that guy, I don't
give a damn about his car. Fuck him.
883
00:59:31,567 --> 00:59:33,432
What do you think I'm doing here, man?
884
00:59:34,169 --> 00:59:36,000
- You wanna have a seat?
- Bro, honestly...
885
00:59:36,171 --> 00:59:38,264
Man, sit your ass down.
886
00:59:44,747 --> 00:59:46,510
All right, what happened with
your girl?
887
00:59:46,649 --> 00:59:47,445
Fuck that bitch.
888
00:59:47,616 --> 00:59:49,607
You said that already. What, she drop
you?
889
00:59:49,752 --> 00:59:49,979
No.
890
00:59:50,152 --> 00:59:52,848
No? You drop her?
After all that, she cheat on you?
891
00:59:53,022 --> 00:59:54,649
- No!
- So, what happened?
892
00:59:54,823 --> 00:59:58,259
Nothing! It's so fucking stupid.
That's what I'm saying, she's a bitch.
893
00:59:58,427 --> 01:00:00,952
She did drop your ass.
What did you do, man? You cheat on her?
894
01:00:01,130 --> 01:00:02,427
No!
895
01:00:02,598 --> 01:00:06,329
All right, you wanna hear this shit?
It's so fucking retarded.
896
01:00:06,502 --> 01:00:08,800
She caught me watching porn.
897
01:00:08,971 --> 01:00:11,166
- That's it?
- Right?
898
01:00:11,340 --> 01:00:13,331
- That's bullshit.
- Swear to God.
899
01:00:13,509 --> 01:00:17,775
Oh, my God! OK, hold on, hold on,
all right.
900
01:00:17,946 --> 01:00:22,349
So after all that obligatory shit,
the friend mixing and meeting her folks,
901
01:00:22,518 --> 01:00:25,715
she just walks in on you, you know,
beating your meat to a little video
902
01:00:25,888 --> 01:00:27,480
- and she's out?
- You don't know her.
903
01:00:27,656 --> 01:00:30,648
- She's crazy, she's a princess.
- Goddamn!
904
01:00:30,826 --> 01:00:32,521
- I know.
- No, for real,
905
01:00:32,695 --> 01:00:34,219
that's some crazy bullshit
right there.
906
01:00:34,396 --> 01:00:38,196
- Fuck that bitch.
- Yeah. Fuck that bitch.
907
01:00:40,169 --> 01:00:43,536
But you still gonna finish that class?
908
01:00:43,706 --> 01:00:45,674
- Really?
- What are you, my mom?
909
01:00:45,841 --> 01:00:48,469
No, I just thought it was almost done.
How much longer you got?
910
01:00:50,012 --> 01:00:52,674
All right, everyone,
three more weeks until the final.
911
01:00:52,848 --> 01:00:54,713
If you have any questions or
concerns,
912
01:00:54,850 --> 01:00:57,182
please feel free to
e-mail me. Have a good night.
913
01:01:15,704 --> 01:01:18,332
- Hey.
- Hi.
914
01:01:19,108 --> 01:01:22,544
- Where you going?
- To my car.
915
01:01:26,115 --> 01:01:28,208
- Oh, shit!
916
01:01:28,384 --> 01:01:31,182
No, we're fine,
we're fine, we're fine.
917
01:01:33,822 --> 01:01:35,881
Oh, my God!
918
01:01:44,700 --> 01:01:47,567
Should've smoked this before,
you might've relaxed a little.
919
01:01:47,736 --> 01:01:49,601
What's that supposed to mean?
920
01:01:50,939 --> 01:01:54,875
I'm playing with you. Trust me,
I'm a perfectly satisfied customer.
921
01:01:55,043 --> 01:01:58,137
- You want some?
- Thanks.
922
01:02:02,317 --> 01:02:05,252
So I'm parked all the way on the other
side. I don't know if you want...
923
01:02:05,421 --> 01:02:07,184
I know, you wanna get back,
so let me enjoy
924
01:02:07,322 --> 01:02:09,051
this and I'll drive you back to
your car.
925
01:02:13,462 --> 01:02:17,228
- So, what happened with your girlfriend?
- Fuck that bitch.
926
01:02:17,399 --> 01:02:20,766
- That bad? She find somebody else?
- No.
927
01:02:20,936 --> 01:02:23,056
Wanna know what happened?
I'll tell you what happened.
928
01:02:24,506 --> 01:02:27,669
She snooped around on my computer,
she found out I watch porn.
929
01:02:27,843 --> 01:02:30,641
I told her every fucking guy watches porn,
she didn't believe me.
930
01:02:30,813 --> 01:02:34,909
She acted like I was cheating on her
or something, which I wasn't.
931
01:02:35,083 --> 01:02:37,415
So... we broke up.
932
01:02:37,586 --> 01:02:40,020
And you know what? I'm glad we did.
933
01:02:41,824 --> 01:02:43,849
- Just porn?
- Yeah.
934
01:02:44,026 --> 01:02:46,927
- No, I don't buy it.
- I'm telling you. That's all.
935
01:02:47,095 --> 01:02:50,496
Was it just once? Oh.
936
01:02:50,666 --> 01:02:54,932
OK. So she caught you once, which is why
you're watching it on your phone at school,
937
01:02:55,103 --> 01:02:57,872
'cause you're hiding it from her,
but she caught you the second time.
938
01:02:57,873 --> 01:03:00,842
I don't know.
Am I right? I'm just guessing, but...
939
01:03:02,044 --> 01:03:05,480
Oh, God, you're like a junkie.
You can't stop.
940
01:03:07,182 --> 01:03:09,423
- How often do you watch it?
- What the fuck do you care?
941
01:03:09,551 --> 01:03:15,046
- No, like every day?
- Every guy watches porn every day.
942
01:03:15,224 --> 01:03:19,160
All right. When was the last time
you went a day without it?
943
01:03:19,328 --> 01:03:21,125
- I don't know.
- No, come on, try and think.
944
01:03:21,296 --> 01:03:23,856
- Seriously, I have no idea.
- Like this week, like this month?
945
01:03:24,032 --> 01:03:27,866
No. I like my porn, OK?
I watch it every day. I always have.
946
01:03:28,036 --> 01:03:31,631
Maybe when I was a kid, like before
I had a VCR in my room and I couldn't,
947
01:03:31,807 --> 01:03:34,833
but even then I had Playboys, so...
948
01:03:35,010 --> 01:03:37,501
- Have you ever thought about quitting?
- Quit...?
949
01:03:37,679 --> 01:03:40,580
You're talking about it like...
No, why would I?
950
01:03:40,749 --> 01:03:43,217
OK, let me ask you this.
951
01:03:43,385 --> 01:03:46,513
You're a good-looking guy, I'm sure you
attract a lot of young ladies.
952
01:03:46,688 --> 01:03:49,020
Why bother with porn
when you can have the real thing?
953
01:03:49,191 --> 01:03:51,421
Nah, see, it's not the same thing.
954
01:03:51,593 --> 01:03:54,585
I mean, real pussy's all good,
but, no offense...
955
01:03:54,763 --> 01:03:59,530
No, no, no offense taken.
So you like porn better than sex?
956
01:04:03,505 --> 01:04:05,439
Well, what is it?
What do you get from porn
957
01:04:05,607 --> 01:04:08,269
that you don't get from sex
with an actual person?
958
01:04:10,045 --> 01:04:12,775
- I lose myself.
- You lose yourself.
959
01:04:12,948 --> 01:04:16,247
Yeah, just... goodbye.
960
01:04:16,418 --> 01:04:18,909
And that doesn't happen when you
have sex.
961
01:04:19,054 --> 01:04:19,918
I wish it did.
962
01:04:20,088 --> 01:04:24,115
Sure, don't we all? Um...
963
01:04:24,293 --> 01:04:27,956
OK. One more question,
then I'll drive you back.
964
01:04:28,130 --> 01:04:31,759
- You ever jerk off without porn?
- What do you mean?
965
01:04:55,991 --> 01:04:58,084
I'm not like a junkie.
Come on, that's stupid.
966
01:04:58,260 --> 01:05:00,956
It's porn, it's not fucking heroin.
967
01:05:01,129 --> 01:05:06,226
I knew a few guys in high school who
actually smoked crack, like all the time.
968
01:05:06,368 --> 01:05:11,499
That's like a junkie. They couldn't stop.
I could stop if I wanted to. I could.
969
01:06:08,330 --> 01:06:09,695
- Hi.
- Hey.
970
01:06:09,865 --> 01:06:13,392
- Somebody's excited.
- Yeah. Come on.
971
01:06:13,568 --> 01:06:17,197
- I wanted to talk to you.
- Yeah? What about?
972
01:06:18,674 --> 01:06:20,266
Don't you wanna...?
973
01:06:21,710 --> 01:06:24,474
Don't you wanna wait till after class?
974
01:06:33,588 --> 01:06:35,021
All right.
975
01:06:48,437 --> 01:06:51,895
You're... You're intense today.
What's going on with you?
976
01:06:52,074 --> 01:06:54,565
- I gotta talk to you.
- I didn't think you meant that
977
01:06:54,743 --> 01:06:56,608
- when you said it.
- Well, I did.
978
01:06:56,778 --> 01:07:00,305
Well, I'm flattered.
What do you wanna talk about?
979
01:07:00,515 --> 01:07:03,177
Um...
980
01:07:03,351 --> 01:07:04,909
So you were right.
981
01:07:05,087 --> 01:07:06,714
- About what, your girlfriend?
- No.
982
01:07:06,888 --> 01:07:09,618
I'm sorry. I was right about what?
983
01:07:09,791 --> 01:07:12,521
- I stopped watching porn.
- Oh, yeah? That's great!
984
01:07:12,661 --> 01:07:14,101
- I don't know if it is.
- No, it is.
985
01:07:14,229 --> 01:07:18,529
I wasn't gonna stop, but then I was
thinking about what you asked me before,
986
01:07:18,700 --> 01:07:23,603
if I ever jerk off without watching porn,
and I tried to...
987
01:07:23,772 --> 01:07:27,401
- Yeah? And you couldn't?
- No, I couldn't.
988
01:07:27,576 --> 01:07:29,100
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I've been
989
01:07:29,244 --> 01:07:30,911
trying for a week, it's really
fucked up.
990
01:07:30,912 --> 01:07:36,817
- Oh, my God! You haven't cum in a week?
- Mm...
991
01:07:37,686 --> 01:07:41,645
OK, wait. No. I want to hear
the rest of the story.
992
01:07:43,658 --> 01:07:46,991
- So you haven't watched porn in a week.
- Yeah.
993
01:07:47,162 --> 01:07:48,857
- That's good.
- What do you mean?
994
01:07:49,030 --> 01:07:50,657
You said you watched porn.
995
01:07:50,832 --> 01:07:54,324
Uh, yeah, but that movie
that I gave you was totally...
996
01:07:54,503 --> 01:07:55,993
- Did you ever watch it?
- No.
997
01:07:56,171 --> 01:07:59,299
OK. It's totally unlike the stuff
that I imagine you watch every day.
998
01:07:59,474 --> 01:08:01,942
- That is not healthy.
- What do you mean? How do you know?
999
01:08:02,110 --> 01:08:05,136
Oh, my God, please!
That stuff is ridiculous
1000
01:08:05,313 --> 01:08:07,110
and it's nothing to do with actual sex.
1001
01:08:07,249 --> 01:08:09,376
That's why you have trouble with
real women.
1002
01:08:09,551 --> 01:08:13,453
- No, I get off fine with real girls.
- Yeah, you definitely do.
1003
01:08:13,622 --> 01:08:16,785
Yeah, I just couldn't get off
beating it with my eyes closed.
1004
01:08:16,958 --> 01:08:21,952
But didn't you tell me last week
that you like porn better than real sex?
1005
01:08:22,898 --> 01:08:26,994
Well, honey, I'm gonna be honest with you,
'cause it seems like that's what you want.
1006
01:08:27,169 --> 01:08:30,627
Look, the way you have sex,
it's like totally one-sided.
1007
01:08:30,806 --> 01:08:33,468
It's like I'm not even there.
1008
01:08:33,642 --> 01:08:37,078
I mean, look, it's fine with me.
I'm not complaining.
1009
01:08:37,245 --> 01:08:39,839
It just so happens that meaningless sex
is something that I want in my life now,
1010
01:08:40,015 --> 01:08:43,507
but you said that you
wanna lose yourself in sex.
1011
01:08:43,685 --> 01:08:47,815
If you wanna lose yourself, you have
to lose yourself in another person.
1012
01:08:47,989 --> 01:08:52,392
And she has to lose herself in you.
It's a two-way thing.
1013
01:08:59,167 --> 01:09:01,135
You know what? I shouldn't have said that.
1014
01:09:01,303 --> 01:09:03,567
- No, it's fine.
- No, no, no. I'm sorry. I am.
1015
01:09:03,738 --> 01:09:07,504
- What are you talking about?
- No. I'm really sorry.
1016
01:09:07,676 --> 01:09:10,076
I'm... I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
1017
01:09:10,245 --> 01:09:13,043
- You didn't. That's fine.
- No, I really didn't.
1018
01:09:15,550 --> 01:09:17,381
You know what?
1019
01:09:17,953 --> 01:09:20,080
Let's take a bath.
1020
01:09:20,255 --> 01:09:23,986
- What? Nah! - No, come on.
It'll be nice. It'll be nice.
1021
01:09:24,125 --> 01:09:26,992
Come on, let's take a bath.
1022
01:09:32,100 --> 01:09:34,159
I'm gonna get you a towel.
1023
01:10:43,338 --> 01:10:45,670
Hey, where were you?
1024
01:10:45,840 --> 01:10:48,138
I used one of the towels that was in there,
hope you don't mind.
1025
01:10:48,310 --> 01:10:50,175
Yeah, that's fine.
1026
01:10:50,345 --> 01:10:53,678
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
1027
01:10:56,251 --> 01:11:01,655
- You don't live here alone, do you?
- I actually do.
1028
01:11:01,823 --> 01:11:07,523
There's some kind of...
bad marriage situation here?
1029
01:11:07,696 --> 01:11:09,687
- No.
- I know it's none of my business, sorry.
1030
01:11:09,864 --> 01:11:13,800
I don't wanna get caught out and now some
guy's coming at me with a bat or some shit.
1031
01:11:13,969 --> 01:11:16,199
No, it's nothing like that.
1032
01:11:17,172 --> 01:11:20,005
All right. So, what is it?
1033
01:11:20,175 --> 01:11:22,871
Since when do you ask
me personal questions?
1034
01:11:25,480 --> 01:11:26,742
Since right now.
1035
01:11:27,515 --> 01:11:30,575
- It really doesn't matter.
- Well, it seems like it matters to you.
1036
01:11:30,752 --> 01:11:32,720
No, it doesn't.
1037
01:11:32,887 --> 01:11:37,324
Didn't you tell me it's sort of fucked up
to keep stuff like this hidden?
1038
01:11:43,465 --> 01:11:48,368
My husband and my son died 14
months ago.
1039
01:11:48,536 --> 01:11:49,833
- Jesus!
- Thank you.
1040
01:11:50,005 --> 01:11:51,529
What happened?
1041
01:11:51,706 --> 01:11:54,675
Cars are terrible things.
1042
01:11:56,111 --> 01:11:58,978
I'm sorry, but your hair
is so much better this way.
1043
01:11:59,114 --> 01:12:01,674
- What?
- I can touch it.
1044
01:12:01,850 --> 01:12:05,752
- What are you talking about?
- You put so much junk in your hair,
1045
01:12:05,920 --> 01:12:08,889
it's all sticky and hard,
this is much better.
1046
01:14:29,564 --> 01:14:32,590
♪ Good vibration
1047
01:14:32,800 --> 01:14:36,361
♪ It's such a sweet sensation
1048
01:14:36,538 --> 01:14:39,905
♪ It's such a good vibration...
1049
01:14:45,146 --> 01:14:46,943
♪ Yo! It's about that time
1050
01:14:47,148 --> 01:14:48,868
♪ To bring forth the rhythm
and the rhyme...
1051
01:15:04,399 --> 01:15:06,799
In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
1052
01:15:06,901 --> 01:15:09,903
- Amen. Bless you, my son.
- Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
1053
01:15:09,904 --> 01:15:11,428
It has been one week
since my last confession.
1054
01:15:11,606 --> 01:15:15,064
- Tell me your sins.
- First of all, I lied to you before.
1055
01:15:15,243 --> 01:15:16,642
I told you that, uh...
1056
01:15:16,844 --> 01:15:19,779
Well, actually,
I don't know if it was you.
1057
01:15:19,948 --> 01:15:21,677
Something I've always kinda wondered is,
1058
01:15:21,816 --> 01:15:23,545
is it the same guy I'm talking to every
week
1059
01:15:23,718 --> 01:15:28,382
or there's a few of you and you switch off,
or... how does that all work?
1060
01:15:31,125 --> 01:15:35,084
Well, anyway, I told the
Father a while back
1061
01:15:35,263 --> 01:15:41,168
that I stopped watching pornography,
but that was a lie, I didn't stop at all.
1062
01:15:41,336 --> 01:15:45,864
The thing is, this week I actually did stop,
like totally just not doing it anymore.
1063
01:15:46,007 --> 01:15:48,032
So...
1064
01:15:49,644 --> 01:15:53,102
- Yes?
- Yeah, so that's like zero for the week.
1065
01:15:53,281 --> 01:15:57,308
Other than that,
I did have sex out of wedlock one time,
1066
01:15:57,485 --> 01:16:02,513
but it was different,
it wasn't just sex, it was like...
1067
01:16:02,690 --> 01:16:07,753
I don't know, it's hard to explain,
but... yeah, that's it. So...
1068
01:16:07,929 --> 01:16:11,831
For these and all the sins of my life,
I am sorry.
1069
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:15,834
- Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys.
- Really? Same thing, no difference?
1070
01:16:16,004 --> 01:16:18,268
Through the ministry of the
Church, may God give you...
1071
01:16:18,439 --> 01:16:20,737
Wait! Father, I'm really sorry,
1072
01:16:20,908 --> 01:16:24,275
but could you just tell me how
you got to those numbers, please?
1073
01:16:24,445 --> 01:16:28,939
'Cause I... I really thought there
was gonna be a difference this week.
1074
01:16:32,920 --> 01:16:35,218
Have faith, my son.
1075
01:16:35,390 --> 01:16:37,950
Through the ministry of the Church,
may God give you pardon and peace,
1076
01:16:38,126 --> 01:16:40,356
and I absolve you from your sins in
the name
1077
01:16:40,495 --> 01:16:42,725
of the Father, the Son and the
Holy Spirit.
1078
01:16:47,302 --> 01:16:52,171
- So, uh... me and Barbara split up.
- What?
1079
01:16:52,340 --> 01:16:57,243
- Barbara and I split up.
- I can't believe it, this is horrible!
1080
01:16:57,445 --> 01:16:59,174
- Can you get her back?
- I don't think so.
1081
01:16:59,347 --> 01:17:01,747
- Did you try to call her?
- She doesn't want me to call her.
1082
01:17:01,916 --> 01:17:04,180
- Look what you did.
- Sorry. What do you want me to do?
1083
01:17:04,352 --> 01:17:08,083
I just want you to be happy,
that's all! Is that too much to ask?
1084
01:17:08,256 --> 01:17:12,249
- I wasn't happy.
- A nice wife and some nice kids?
1085
01:17:12,427 --> 01:17:14,987
Look at me!
I look like a grandmother,
1086
01:17:15,163 --> 01:17:17,563
but do I have any grandchildren? No!
1087
01:17:17,732 --> 01:17:19,723
Am I a bad mother,
is that what I'm hearing?
1088
01:17:19,901 --> 01:17:22,495
- Honey, calm down, please!
- You know, Ma, I don't know
1089
01:17:22,670 --> 01:17:24,501
if I really want a wife and kids.
1090
01:17:24,639 --> 01:17:27,073
What are you saying? You don't mean
that.
1091
01:17:27,241 --> 01:17:29,004
- Jon, say something!
- All right!
1092
01:17:29,177 --> 01:17:31,907
Stop upsetting your mother!
What the fuck is the matter with you?
1093
01:17:32,080 --> 01:17:34,378
- I don't know.
- Having a family is the greatest joy
1094
01:17:34,549 --> 01:17:37,484
- in a man's life, everybody knows that!
- Then maybe I'm not a man.
1095
01:17:37,652 --> 01:17:41,952
'Cause I sure don't want a family.
Maybe one day, but not right now!
1096
01:17:42,123 --> 01:17:44,819
- Well, and that's all she wanted.
- What did she say?
1097
01:17:44,959 --> 01:17:49,191
- I said that that girl...
- I cannot hear any fucking thing!
1098
01:17:52,433 --> 01:17:55,425
- What are you saying?
- All I'm saying is, that girl,
1099
01:17:55,603 --> 01:17:57,771
she has her own agenda.
She doesn't care about Jonny,
1100
01:17:57,772 --> 01:17:59,452
she doesn't know
the first thing about him.
1101
01:17:59,574 --> 01:18:02,543
She just wants a guy who's
gonna do whatever she tells him to.
1102
01:18:02,710 --> 01:18:04,803
It is a good thing
that she broke up with you.
1103
01:18:06,581 --> 01:18:09,982
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
1104
01:18:18,426 --> 01:18:22,487
- Jon, I will fucking kill you!
- All right. Easy.
1105
01:19:06,007 --> 01:19:11,639
All right, listen, listen, I gotta go,
so I'll see you later? All right. Bye.
1106
01:19:11,813 --> 01:19:13,440
- Sorry.
- That's cool.
1107
01:19:13,614 --> 01:19:16,208
- Sorry about that.
- No problem. How you doing?
1108
01:19:16,384 --> 01:19:19,012
- A little windy.
- Yeah, it's windy out here.
1109
01:19:19,187 --> 01:19:22,122
- So... I'm good. How are you?
- Good, thanks.
1110
01:19:22,290 --> 01:19:24,724
- Everybody good?
- Yeah, great.
1111
01:19:26,527 --> 01:19:29,018
- Thanks for meeting me.
- Sure.
1112
01:19:29,197 --> 01:19:31,665
Hope you understand why I thought lunch
was not a good idea.
1113
01:19:31,833 --> 01:19:35,360
- That's fine. You want some coffee? - No,
actually I gotta go pretty soon, so...
1114
01:19:38,973 --> 01:19:43,808
- You changed your hair?
- Yeah...
1115
01:19:47,682 --> 01:19:49,673
- So?
- Yeah, so...
1116
01:19:51,719 --> 01:19:53,880
I just wanted to apologize.
1117
01:19:54,589 --> 01:19:57,820
I lied to you, and I'm sorry for that.
1118
01:20:03,698 --> 01:20:06,098
Well, that's all you're gonna say?
1119
01:20:08,569 --> 01:20:11,834
I don't really know what I do with that.
What do I say?
1120
01:20:12,006 --> 01:20:14,702
I forgive you, or we're supposed
to get back together or something?
1121
01:20:14,876 --> 01:20:18,869
- No. No, I just wanted to tell you... -
You're not capable of a relationship, Jon.
1122
01:20:19,046 --> 01:20:22,743
- You're not.
- No. Right now I'm not.
1123
01:20:22,917 --> 01:20:25,681
'Cause you're a selfish person,
and you're a liar.
1124
01:20:25,853 --> 01:20:29,721
- Yeah, I was. I'm sorry.
- I asked you to do one thing for me...
1125
01:20:29,891 --> 01:20:33,918
Yeah. I was thinking about that
when you said it before.
1126
01:20:34,095 --> 01:20:37,531
Well, I said it because it's true,
that's why.
1127
01:20:39,700 --> 01:20:43,534
- It's not true.
- Really?
1128
01:20:43,704 --> 01:20:46,639
You didn't only ask me for one thing.
You asked for a lot,
1129
01:20:46,807 --> 01:20:49,139
a lot of different things and then...
1130
01:20:50,111 --> 01:20:51,578
...I couldn't do it all for you.
1131
01:20:51,746 --> 01:20:56,046
Well, when a real man loves a woman,
he doesn't mind doing things for her.
1132
01:20:56,217 --> 01:20:58,708
He'll do anything for her.
1133
01:20:58,886 --> 01:21:04,017
Yeah, but don't you think that
sounds a little bit one-sided?
1134
01:21:04,158 --> 01:21:06,558
No, I don't.
1135
01:21:06,727 --> 01:21:10,288
But that's why you like to watch
those whores in those videos,
1136
01:21:10,464 --> 01:21:12,728
because you don't gotta
do anything for them, right?
1137
01:21:12,900 --> 01:21:17,769
Yeah, that's one-sided also. Definitely.
1138
01:21:19,574 --> 01:21:23,237
Look, sweetie, I'm gonna go, OK?
1139
01:21:26,280 --> 01:21:28,407
Don't call me anymore.
1140
01:21:37,124 --> 01:21:39,319
The streak is over, motherfucker!
How's it feel?
1141
01:21:39,493 --> 01:21:42,690
- I'd rather get pizza with my boys.
- That's new.
1142
01:21:42,897 --> 01:21:46,628
Every fucking time we go out,
Don Jon smashes!
1143
01:21:46,801 --> 01:21:48,701
But not tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
1144
01:21:48,869 --> 01:21:51,963
The fans are devastated.
Jonny, what happened?
1145
01:21:52,139 --> 01:21:54,437
Yeah! Well, I thought it was on
with old crop top.
1146
01:21:54,609 --> 01:21:56,770
- No, that girl was annoying.
- She was tight though.
1147
01:21:56,944 --> 01:21:58,138
- Eight.
- Solid eight.
1148
01:21:58,312 --> 01:22:00,780
Her body was at least an eight,
but you didn't talk to her.
1149
01:22:00,948 --> 01:22:03,439
- Who cares how she talks?
- You asked why I didn't smash,
1150
01:22:03,618 --> 01:22:07,577
that's why I didn't smash. What about you?
You were kicking it to pony-tail, right?
1151
01:22:07,722 --> 01:22:10,623
- How did it go?
- You get her name?
1152
01:22:10,791 --> 01:22:13,624
- I got a number.
- Oh! Hey!
1153
01:22:13,794 --> 01:22:15,694
- You like that?
- Fucking right I do!
1154
01:22:15,863 --> 01:22:20,300
- Easy, easy. Did you get her name?
- Yeah!
1155
01:22:20,468 --> 01:22:21,662
Wait...
1156
01:22:24,138 --> 01:22:25,571
- Oh, fuck!
- What?
1157
01:22:25,740 --> 01:22:27,207
I saved it as pony-tail.
1158
01:22:27,375 --> 01:22:29,809
- Danny-boy!
- Danny-boy!
1159
01:22:29,977 --> 01:22:33,344
All right, all right, all right.
Take it easy, take it easy.
1160
01:22:45,760 --> 01:22:47,421
This fucking lady.
1161
01:22:47,628 --> 01:22:51,655
I don't usually like it when a girl
looks me right in the eye,
1162
01:22:51,832 --> 01:22:53,595
and this girl does that a lot.
1163
01:22:53,801 --> 01:22:58,033
But I don't know what it is about her.
When she does it, I don't mind.
1164
01:22:58,205 --> 01:23:02,539
I just look right back at her,
and pretty soon...
1165
01:23:02,710 --> 01:23:04,905
...I'm hard as a fucking rock.
1166
01:23:05,079 --> 01:23:07,513
It's like she knows what I'm thinking.
1167
01:23:07,682 --> 01:23:10,412
Or I know what she's thinking, or...
1168
01:23:10,584 --> 01:23:14,520
I don't know, it's that two-way thing.
I fucking love it.
1169
01:23:17,491 --> 01:23:21,552
And I don't mean love like,
"I love her, I wanna marry her."
1170
01:23:21,729 --> 01:23:24,391
I'm definitely not thinking
about all that shit.
1171
01:23:24,565 --> 01:23:26,965
And she's not either.
1172
01:23:28,302 --> 01:23:30,395
She can't.
1173
01:23:34,041 --> 01:23:36,976
I guess I just mean love like,
1174
01:23:37,144 --> 01:23:41,376
you know, like when we're making love.
1175
01:23:42,216 --> 01:23:46,414
And while we're doing it,
all the bullshit does fade away,
1176
01:23:46,587 --> 01:23:49,613
and it's just me and her, right there,
1177
01:23:49,790 --> 01:23:53,282
and yeah, I do lose myself in her,
1178
01:23:53,461 --> 01:23:56,828
and I can tell she is losing herself in me,
1179
01:23:56,997 --> 01:24:02,162
and we're just fucking... lost together.