1 00:00:53,407 --> 00:00:57,654 I'm sorry. I can't seem to find my purse. I must have ten of'em. 2 00:00:57,745 --> 00:01:00,949 - Can you just ring mine first, please? - There's someone ahead of you, sir. 3 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,164 I usually keep my change in my little change bear, but... 4 00:01:03,251 --> 00:01:06,169 That's almost interesting. How much is hers? 5 00:01:07,673 --> 00:01:09,796 - 5.26. - Just add it on, please. 6 00:01:09,884 --> 00:01:12,801 Hold on, hold on. If it's not in this one, it'll be in another one. 7 00:01:12,887 --> 00:01:16,007 - That'll be 9.65. - Thank you very much. - How sweet. 8 00:01:16,099 --> 00:01:18,507 - You didn't have to do that for me. - I didn't do it for you. 9 00:01:18,601 --> 00:01:21,887 Check some bags next time. 10 00:01:21,980 --> 00:01:22,929 Jerk. 11 00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:40,840 - How can I help you, Governor? - Some dirtbag... 12 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,721 dirtbag... from the attorney general's office... 13 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,647 had dared to mention the word "jail." 14 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:50,600 Waaah. 15 00:01:50,695 --> 00:01:53,696 Waaah! 16 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:59,654 - Somebody call the "waaambulance"! - What? What did you say? 17 00:02:08,464 --> 00:02:12,165 Governor, do you know what the number one killer of politicians under the age of 60 is? 18 00:02:12,260 --> 00:02:14,586 - No. - Self-pity. 19 00:02:14,679 --> 00:02:16,921 Now, Governor, I'll be more than happy to help you out of this mess... 20 00:02:17,015 --> 00:02:19,341 that you so willingly seem to have stepped into. 21 00:02:19,435 --> 00:02:22,471 - But you ought to do something. - What's that? 22 00:02:22,563 --> 00:02:25,185 - Stop crying. - I'll try. 23 00:02:25,274 --> 00:02:28,478 No, I mean right now. You're giving me a headache. 24 00:02:43,837 --> 00:02:48,131 Excuse me, folks, anything more to drink? 25 00:02:48,216 --> 00:02:50,790 - Do y'all have any single-malt scotch? - Sure do. 26 00:02:52,179 --> 00:02:54,670 So, what do you do for a living? 27 00:02:57,185 --> 00:03:01,432 You wanna tell me about it? You know, comfort of strangers and all that. 28 00:03:01,523 --> 00:03:03,432 No. 29 00:03:05,778 --> 00:03:07,687 Oh. Must be something on the Internet. 30 00:03:09,365 --> 00:03:11,654 Or finance. 31 00:03:11,742 --> 00:03:13,782 Genetic engineering, maybe, huh? 32 00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:18,034 - I'm an image consultant, okay? - Okay. 33 00:03:39,064 --> 00:03:41,141 So you sort of troubleshoot for folks? 34 00:03:41,233 --> 00:03:45,018 You know, give 'em makeovers when they need revamping, right? 35 00:03:46,072 --> 00:03:48,361 Right. 36 00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:50,359 Hey, look... 37 00:03:50,452 --> 00:03:53,786 I'm flying to L.A. to start an anchor job in the local news... 38 00:03:53,872 --> 00:03:57,822 and I do not think that it's an accident that I'm sitting next to you. 39 00:03:57,918 --> 00:03:59,876 I see. So the cosmic purpose... 40 00:03:59,962 --> 00:04:02,536 of our meeting is for me to give you free advice. 41 00:04:02,632 --> 00:04:06,962 - What do I get out of it? - We don't know yet. 42 00:04:07,054 --> 00:04:09,723 But I'll owe you. 43 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,784 - If I do it, will you shut up? - Quiet as the dead. 44 00:04:32,248 --> 00:04:35,000 Your hair's too big, your brows are too dark, your nails are too long... 45 00:04:35,084 --> 00:04:36,994 and your foundation's too orange. 46 00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:40,586 Your perfume's too sweet. It's the news, honey, not the prom. 47 00:04:40,674 --> 00:04:43,841 - I like your eyes... - Oh. Thank you. 48 00:04:43,928 --> 00:04:46,763 Bluer. Try the tinted contacts. 49 00:04:46,847 --> 00:04:48,805 But only when you're anchoring or in L.A. 50 00:04:48,891 --> 00:04:52,225 - When you're on assignment, take them out. - What about my accent? 51 00:04:52,312 --> 00:04:54,601 I'm always being warned to stop saying "y'all." 52 00:04:54,689 --> 00:04:58,106 Don't ever stop saying "y'all." Your "y'all" is your trademark. 53 00:04:58,193 --> 00:05:00,945 Say "y'all," and you'll be promoted in six months. 54 00:05:01,030 --> 00:05:04,114 Say "y'all" with a smile, you'll be famous in 12. 55 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:08,744 Well, thank you. 56 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,372 You're welcome. 57 00:05:10,457 --> 00:05:14,206 Now, will you please shut up? 58 00:05:32,606 --> 00:05:37,103 All right, let me have him. Hello, Your Honour. How are you? 59 00:05:37,195 --> 00:05:39,567 Good. Thank you. 60 00:05:39,656 --> 00:05:41,447 Define "not exactly alone." 61 00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:46,241 Your Honour, was this mannequin inflatable? 62 00:05:49,208 --> 00:05:51,415 You know if the press... 63 00:05:51,502 --> 00:05:53,744 Dodged one bullet. 64 00:05:53,838 --> 00:05:56,080 Listen, this is all gonna blow over. 65 00:06:07,937 --> 00:06:11,141 Hey! Did you see the... 66 00:06:12,734 --> 00:06:14,015 the... 67 00:06:17,531 --> 00:06:18,646 Yeah. 68 00:06:22,078 --> 00:06:24,154 Twelve cream pies are on their way over to the stadium. 69 00:06:24,247 --> 00:06:26,572 Bob Riley expects you in the owner's box at 3:00. 70 00:06:26,666 --> 00:06:30,664 Amy will meet you there. And why are you wearing a yellow tie? 71 00:06:30,754 --> 00:06:33,921 Janet. How could you know I'm wearing my yellow tie? You can't even see me. 72 00:06:34,007 --> 00:06:36,250 I can hear the stress in your voice. 73 00:06:36,343 --> 00:06:38,087 Whenever you're stressed, you wear the yellow tie... 74 00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:40,931 which makes you feel all-powerful, so you're probably gonna yell at me... 75 00:06:41,015 --> 00:06:44,634 which I'm not in the mood for, so don't. 76 00:06:44,728 --> 00:06:49,307 - Nice tie. - I am not stressed. 77 00:06:49,399 --> 00:06:52,484 There is nothing wrong with me. I just didn't get enough sleep last night. 78 00:06:52,570 --> 00:06:55,986 - Can I have today's work, please? - Take your phone off. You're with a human now. 79 00:06:56,073 --> 00:06:59,110 I did the ones and twos. There's a three, a four. 80 00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:02,654 I flagged the five in your mail. There's an eight on your desk to sign. 81 00:07:02,748 --> 00:07:05,417 And there's a ten standing in your office. 82 00:07:16,846 --> 00:07:18,970 Why did you let him in my office, Janet? 83 00:07:19,057 --> 00:07:21,975 He threatened me with a machete. 84 00:07:22,061 --> 00:07:24,219 He's your father, Russ. 85 00:07:28,234 --> 00:07:32,018 Wait 60 seconds and come in and tell me I'm late for something. 86 00:07:32,113 --> 00:07:35,399 - I hate you. - Fight fair. 87 00:07:41,248 --> 00:07:46,588 - That's a nice photo of you, uh, and Al De Niro. - Robert De Niro. 88 00:07:46,671 --> 00:07:49,708 Oh, it's a nice photo of you and Robert De Niro. 89 00:07:49,799 --> 00:07:53,335 Well, it would be, except that's Al Pacino. 90 00:07:53,428 --> 00:07:54,424 Oh. 91 00:07:54,513 --> 00:07:57,218 So, Dad, what can I do for you? 92 00:07:57,308 --> 00:07:59,466 Did you get the cheque I sent over this morning? 93 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,968 Yes, yes, I did. 94 00:08:03,314 --> 00:08:06,102 But I didn't ask you for a cheque. 95 00:08:06,193 --> 00:08:08,766 I asked you to come over and help me lift a few things. 96 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,649 Well, time is money, Dad... 97 00:08:12,741 --> 00:08:14,615 and my time is worth a lot more than a mover's... 98 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,620 so I'm afraid the cheque is gonna have to do. 99 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:23,124 Look, your sister and her family are coming over for dinner tomorrow night. 100 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,248 You haven't seen your niece and nephew in a long time. 101 00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:30,718 - Uh, you may want some of those things in the attic. - Like what, Dad? 102 00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:34,884 - Some more of my childhood memorabilia? - You never know. 103 00:08:37,894 --> 00:08:40,101 How many times in the last 20 years that you lived in that house... 104 00:08:40,188 --> 00:08:43,807 have I ever asked you for anything, hmm? 105 00:08:43,901 --> 00:08:45,977 Anything at all? 106 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:53,452 Um, you're late for a very big meeting. 107 00:08:53,537 --> 00:08:56,657 Dozens of irate and highly important people are clamouring for you. 108 00:08:56,748 --> 00:08:59,322 There is pandemonium, I'm sure, somewhere... 109 00:08:59,418 --> 00:09:02,253 and you really must go... right now. 110 00:09:03,756 --> 00:09:07,624 Good luck with the move, Dad. Let me know how it goes. 111 00:09:22,235 --> 00:09:26,233 Call Fred and see how the market closed. Check the NASD AQ Bye. 112 00:09:26,323 --> 00:09:27,272 That's perfect. 113 00:09:27,491 --> 00:09:28,356 You look brilliant. 114 00:09:28,450 --> 00:09:31,238 Completely and utterly gorgeous. 115 00:09:31,328 --> 00:09:33,286 Don't look at me. Look out there. 116 00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,531 Have we signed a new client? 117 00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:38,959 We made a bet. If I make him look handsome, I get a free hot dog. 118 00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:43,126 - You're going to starve. - Not a chance. 119 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,126 - Thank you. - My pleasure. 120 00:09:45,219 --> 00:09:48,255 - Just don't share it with jerko. - No way. 121 00:09:48,347 --> 00:09:51,017 Watch your cholesterol, hot dog boy. Let me have that for you. 122 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,176 Hey, I worked hard for that! 123 00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:55,392 Amy, those hot dogs will kill you. 124 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,389 Besides, we're about to have lobster in cream sauce. 125 00:09:57,482 --> 00:10:00,898 I don't want lobster in cream sauce. I want hot dog in mustard sauce. 126 00:10:00,986 --> 00:10:02,895 Please stop biting your nails, Amy. 127 00:10:02,988 --> 00:10:06,155 Nail. I only bite one. Why do you care anyway? 128 00:10:06,242 --> 00:10:08,151 I care because you work for me. 129 00:10:08,244 --> 00:10:10,735 When you bite your nails, you're advertising weakness. 130 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:13,322 Really? Advertising weakness with one little nail? 131 00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:15,456 - What's this advertise? - Nice. 132 00:10:15,544 --> 00:10:17,750 - Hi, Mike. Is he in? - Waitin' for you. 133 00:10:17,838 --> 00:10:20,958 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 134 00:10:21,050 --> 00:10:22,758 Hello. 135 00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,545 - Hello. - I haven't seen you in a couple of days. 136 00:10:26,639 --> 00:10:28,798 - How have you been? - Fine. Now can we go in? 137 00:10:28,892 --> 00:10:33,435 No. This is the bit where you ask me. 138 00:10:33,522 --> 00:10:35,515 We're very late. I don't have time to... 139 00:10:35,608 --> 00:10:38,811 Go on. Give it a whirl. 140 00:10:43,032 --> 00:10:45,950 Hi, Amy. How are you doing? 141 00:10:47,454 --> 00:10:51,369 Fine. We're really late. 142 00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:56,328 Hey, the cavalry is here! 143 00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:59,340 Russ Duritz to the rescue! 144 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:02,842 Here to save my sorry behind. 145 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:05,966 Josh, look after him. 146 00:11:06,058 --> 00:11:07,469 - Good luck. - Yeah. 147 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,517 Hi. I'm Josh, Mr Riley's assistant. 148 00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:11,596 - If you need anything... - I do. 149 00:11:11,689 --> 00:11:15,058 I need you to go up in the bleachers and find me a dozen 8- to 12-year-old kids. 150 00:11:15,151 --> 00:11:19,399 Eight boys, four girls. Five white, four Latino, three black. 151 00:11:19,489 --> 00:11:22,574 - Have 'em back here in three minutes. - Okay. 152 00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:24,699 I need to use your Hi-8 for this one. 153 00:11:24,787 --> 00:11:26,863 So why is everybody busting my chops? 154 00:11:26,956 --> 00:11:28,949 And the way I see this thing... 155 00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:32,909 it's just a little misunderstanding. 156 00:11:33,004 --> 00:11:35,044 Okay, Bob, let me see if I can explain to you... 157 00:11:35,132 --> 00:11:37,884 how other people see this little thing. 158 00:11:37,968 --> 00:11:40,542 You see, to Joe Baseball Fan out there, you're the guy that promised... 159 00:11:40,638 --> 00:11:43,343 you would give five percent of each ticket sold this season... 160 00:11:43,432 --> 00:11:46,387 to establishing a baseball camp for inner-city kids. 161 00:11:46,478 --> 00:11:49,183 You're also the guy that gave pictures to the press of kids... 162 00:11:49,272 --> 00:11:52,309 actually attending this camp which, in fact, does not exist. 163 00:11:52,401 --> 00:11:56,315 Yet. I was intending to get around to it, uh, eventually. 164 00:11:56,405 --> 00:12:00,190 - Ah. - I am a very busy guy. 165 00:12:01,494 --> 00:12:03,701 No, Bob, you're not a busy man. 166 00:12:03,788 --> 00:12:06,873 See, what you are is a "stoopid" man. 167 00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:10,244 A very stupid guy who only played Mr Charitable... 168 00:12:10,337 --> 00:12:12,247 because you wanted to suck up to city council... 169 00:12:12,339 --> 00:12:15,923 so they'd build you a brand new baseball park. 170 00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:18,252 But guess what. Bye-bye, ballpark. 171 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,639 Hello, jail. 172 00:12:22,726 --> 00:12:27,684 - So what's your big plan? - How do you feel about chocolate cream pie? 173 00:12:27,773 --> 00:12:31,771 Why? You gonna feed the kids cream pie to get me out of this mess? 174 00:12:31,861 --> 00:12:35,028 No. The kids are gonna feed you cream pie and get you out of this mess. 175 00:12:35,115 --> 00:12:37,606 - Huh? - Bob... 176 00:12:37,701 --> 00:12:39,610 prepare to be pied. 177 00:12:41,246 --> 00:12:43,738 I deserve it! 178 00:12:43,833 --> 00:12:45,825 More pie in the face! 179 00:12:45,918 --> 00:12:48,291 Bob, the press is gonna eat this up. 180 00:12:48,379 --> 00:12:50,337 Amy, what do you think? 181 00:12:50,423 --> 00:12:53,674 - Amy? Amy? - You want to know what I think? 182 00:12:54,594 --> 00:12:57,216 I think there's something very creepy about all this. 183 00:12:57,306 --> 00:13:00,390 Amy, Amy, I swear to you... 184 00:13:00,476 --> 00:13:04,474 I will make sure that the editing of this tape is handled tastefully, okay? 185 00:13:04,564 --> 00:13:07,316 - I'm sure you will. - No, I promise. 186 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,938 - We didn't do anything wrong today. - No. 187 00:13:10,028 --> 00:13:15,319 - We did the right thing by our client, Bob Riley. - I love him. 188 00:13:15,409 --> 00:13:20,652 Russ, today we shamelessly exploited innocent children... 189 00:13:20,748 --> 00:13:24,414 just to help some crook with his cash flow problems. 190 00:13:28,048 --> 00:13:30,835 Are you gonna finish this last piece of yellowtail? 191 00:13:30,926 --> 00:13:33,168 Russ, you should be concerned about this. You're turning 40 in... 192 00:13:33,262 --> 00:13:36,263 - Thank you so much for bringing that up. - You're at an age when... - What, and you're not at an age... 193 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,342 Yes, we both are. 194 00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:43,013 Well, we can't go around any more talking about what we're going to be like when we grow up. 195 00:13:43,106 --> 00:13:44,684 We are up. 196 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,863 - Is that it? - Yeah. 197 00:13:49,947 --> 00:13:53,530 - You finished? - Yeah, I'm finished. 198 00:13:53,618 --> 00:13:56,156 Good. 199 00:13:56,246 --> 00:13:59,366 Toshiya, if you get called a jerk four times... 200 00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:01,534 in the same day, does that make it true? 201 00:14:01,627 --> 00:14:04,165 - What, only four? Did you get up late? - Excuse me. 202 00:14:04,255 --> 00:14:07,339 - I'm asking Toshiya. - Just four times, a pattern. 203 00:14:07,425 --> 00:14:09,881 It have to be five times to be a fact. 204 00:14:09,969 --> 00:14:13,884 - Thank you very much. You see? There is hope. - Jerk. 205 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,472 Thank you. 206 00:14:22,149 --> 00:14:25,353 Yo, Pedro, make sure this gets in the trash. 207 00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,992 Yes! 208 00:14:36,081 --> 00:14:41,040 That was fantastic! I can't believe you just did such a fantastic thing! 209 00:14:41,129 --> 00:14:43,122 Me neither. 210 00:14:43,214 --> 00:14:45,254 I must really be stressed out. 211 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,339 Probably still in there. 212 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:56,094 You are not going Dumpster diving to look for that stinky, fish-encrusted tape. 213 00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:59,391 You're right. I shouldn't go in there. 214 00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,938 I'm wearing a $2,000 suit. Come on. I'll give you a boost. 215 00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,735 Come on, come on, come on. Distract yourself. 216 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,608 Honour your instincts. Look at the moon. Look at it. 217 00:15:06,699 --> 00:15:10,649 - What? Look at what? - Look. 218 00:15:11,871 --> 00:15:15,703 Isn't it lovely? It's big, it's beautiful, it's... 219 00:15:15,792 --> 00:15:18,034 revolving around the earth, proving once again... 220 00:15:18,128 --> 00:15:21,295 that the universe does not revolve around you. 221 00:15:21,381 --> 00:15:23,421 It's worth a look, if you ask me. 222 00:15:24,802 --> 00:15:26,925 Are you looking? 223 00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,922 - I looked. - Look again! - Okay... 224 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:31,423 Okay! Amy... 225 00:15:31,518 --> 00:15:33,427 Quit fooling around, all right? I looked. 226 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,429 Now can we go? 227 00:15:35,522 --> 00:15:38,726 - Come on, grumpy. - Hey, will you stop? 228 00:15:38,817 --> 00:15:41,522 I stopped. 229 00:15:41,612 --> 00:15:43,985 I want to show you something. Tell me if you think this is cute. 230 00:15:45,909 --> 00:15:50,452 Oh! Look at the moon! It's so big and round... 231 00:15:50,539 --> 00:15:53,291 and when I look at it, I'm all perky and excited and... 232 00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:57,160 no one would ever know that I'm almost 30! Ooh! 233 00:15:57,254 --> 00:15:59,331 What do you think? 234 00:15:59,423 --> 00:16:01,831 Cute or just stupid? 235 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:10,427 You know, Russ, just when I think I've seen the worst... 236 00:16:10,519 --> 00:16:14,303 that there's no possible way you could be more of a jerk... 237 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,860 you outdo yourself. 238 00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,070 And then... 239 00:16:24,910 --> 00:16:28,694 just when I'm about to leave, you do something. 240 00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:33,167 Like tonight, when you threw that tape away. 241 00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:37,547 Then I get the tiniest, briefest glimpse of the kid in you. 242 00:16:39,468 --> 00:16:42,919 That's when I decide to hang around for five more minutes... 243 00:16:43,013 --> 00:16:45,053 see what happens next. 244 00:16:46,976 --> 00:16:49,099 Bye. 245 00:17:14,006 --> 00:17:17,126 Janet, I want you on the phone with the alarm company first thing in the morning, okay? 246 00:17:17,218 --> 00:17:19,887 There is no way anybody should ever get inside those gates. 247 00:17:19,971 --> 00:17:23,221 Ever! As a matter of fact, get 'em on the phone right now, and you tell them... 248 00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,550 - It's 3:00 a.m. - Janet, I don't care if it's 3:00 in the morning. 249 00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:28,562 They're supposed to be a 24-hour security service, okay? 250 00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:30,770 I want the sensitivity set on ten. 251 00:17:30,858 --> 00:17:33,894 I want electrocution. I want charred flesh. Do you understand? 252 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:37,272 - Write it down. Janet. - "Charred flesh." - Write it down! 253 00:17:37,365 --> 00:17:40,615 It was probably just some neighbourhood kid. I don't know why you're so upset. 254 00:17:40,702 --> 00:17:44,783 - I'm not upset. I'm just mad. - Okay. Mad. Not upset. 255 00:17:44,873 --> 00:17:48,207 - You know, maybe we should get a new security company, okay? - Uh-huh. 256 00:17:48,294 --> 00:17:50,915 I want rottweilers. I want big, scary rottweilers. 257 00:17:51,005 --> 00:17:54,125 I want the guy who trains the rottweilers to be afraid to come over here, okay? 258 00:17:54,217 --> 00:17:57,384 - I want a moat with lava. - "Moat with lava." 259 00:17:57,471 --> 00:17:59,547 Trolls with that? Evil ones? 260 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,131 No, Janet. No trolls. 261 00:18:02,226 --> 00:18:06,473 - Hello? Uh. Russ. It's Dad. Uh... - Hold on a second, Janet. 262 00:18:06,564 --> 00:18:10,016 - Honey, I'm so sorry. - I know I asked earlier... 263 00:18:10,109 --> 00:18:12,648 but. Um. It'd be nice to have you here for dinner. 264 00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:15,655 I know Joanne and the kids would love to see you. 265 00:18:15,741 --> 00:18:18,314 And. Uh. Well. If your schedule opens up... 266 00:18:19,995 --> 00:18:24,539 - Janet, I am going to bed. - Good idea. Me too. 267 00:18:24,626 --> 00:18:27,199 I do not wish to talk to you or anyone else... 268 00:18:27,295 --> 00:18:29,454 on this planet for the next three hours. 269 00:18:29,548 --> 00:18:31,505 - Guess what. Neither do I. - Goodbye. 270 00:20:13,704 --> 00:20:15,614 "Rusty." 271 00:20:15,707 --> 00:20:18,661 Dad, you are really gettin' weird. 272 00:20:56,835 --> 00:20:59,327 Hey! 273 00:20:59,421 --> 00:21:01,913 Hey! 274 00:21:02,008 --> 00:21:04,581 Hey, stop! Stop! Come back! 275 00:21:04,677 --> 00:21:08,011 Come back here! Hey! 276 00:21:08,098 --> 00:21:10,803 Gotcha! Ow! Ah! 277 00:21:15,314 --> 00:21:18,066 Hey! Hey! 278 00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:41,633 Hey! Hey! 279 00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:43,545 Get it outta here! 280 00:22:02,533 --> 00:22:04,490 Look out, idiot! 281 00:22:04,577 --> 00:22:07,329 Move it, you jerk! 282 00:22:09,582 --> 00:22:12,038 Hey! 283 00:22:36,195 --> 00:22:38,402 Hey! 284 00:22:38,489 --> 00:22:40,447 Hey! 285 00:22:46,415 --> 00:22:48,740 Hey! 286 00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:50,494 Hey! 287 00:23:21,829 --> 00:23:24,320 Uh, uh, good evening. 288 00:23:24,415 --> 00:23:27,500 Uh, a kid just... 289 00:23:27,585 --> 00:23:30,752 ran in here a moment ago, and, uh... 290 00:23:30,839 --> 00:23:33,412 Any of you see anything? 291 00:23:34,926 --> 00:23:37,500 Can any of you see anything? 292 00:23:37,596 --> 00:23:39,506 For we can fly 293 00:23:39,598 --> 00:23:44,640 'Cause this kid who, uh, was just here... 294 00:23:44,729 --> 00:23:46,686 Up. Up and away 295 00:23:46,773 --> 00:23:50,107 - He... - See you later. 296 00:23:50,193 --> 00:23:52,601 Hey! Officer! 297 00:23:56,701 --> 00:24:02,490 The world's a nicer place in my beautiful balloon 298 00:24:02,582 --> 00:24:04,990 It wears a nicer face 299 00:24:12,259 --> 00:24:14,798 Uh-uh. 300 00:24:24,523 --> 00:24:26,812 Good morning, Doctor. 301 00:24:26,901 --> 00:24:29,653 I'd like to get right to the point, if you don't mind. I've got a meeting in ten minutes. 302 00:24:29,737 --> 00:24:31,730 You're entitled to a 50-minute hour. 303 00:24:31,823 --> 00:24:34,065 Thank you, but I only require a five-minute hour... 304 00:24:34,159 --> 00:24:36,068 or however long it takes you to write a prescription. 305 00:24:36,161 --> 00:24:38,486 I see. 306 00:24:38,580 --> 00:24:40,988 Uh, we should talk about this. Why don't you sit down. 307 00:24:41,083 --> 00:24:43,455 No, thank you. I don't want to sit down. 308 00:24:43,544 --> 00:24:45,584 It all starts with sitting down. 309 00:24:45,671 --> 00:24:47,997 You sit down, and then before you know it... 310 00:24:48,091 --> 00:24:50,546 twelve years has gone by, and you're still talking about... 311 00:24:50,635 --> 00:24:52,544 the time you saw your mother naked in the shower. 312 00:24:52,637 --> 00:24:54,714 You saw your mother naked in the shower? 313 00:24:54,806 --> 00:24:58,674 No! I'm just saying I'm happy to stand, okay? 314 00:24:58,769 --> 00:25:00,762 Look, I-I-I don't want therapy. 315 00:25:00,855 --> 00:25:04,438 - I don't need therapy. - Why do you feel that way? 316 00:25:04,525 --> 00:25:07,895 Because I'm not like the other nutballs that roll through here, okay? 317 00:25:07,988 --> 00:25:10,479 I don't have a smoking problem. I don't have a drinking problem. 318 00:25:10,574 --> 00:25:13,065 I don't have a closet full of ladies' undergarments. 319 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:17,953 Sit down, Mr Duritz, and tell me what the problem is. 320 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,789 - No, you don't! - Mr Duritz, I'm not trying to trick you. 321 00:25:21,878 --> 00:25:24,286 I'm trying to understand your issues. 322 00:25:24,381 --> 00:25:27,964 Issue. Issue, singular. Just one. 323 00:25:28,051 --> 00:25:30,969 All right. What is it? 324 00:25:35,184 --> 00:25:38,139 For the last few weeks... 325 00:25:38,229 --> 00:25:41,396 I have been seeing a guy in a plane. 326 00:25:41,483 --> 00:25:43,974 Oh, I see. 327 00:25:44,069 --> 00:25:46,477 Not that kind of seeing! I mean... 328 00:25:46,572 --> 00:25:50,072 I've been hallucinating a guy in a plane. 329 00:25:50,159 --> 00:25:54,537 And these delusions, or whatever it is you people call them... 330 00:25:54,622 --> 00:25:56,331 seem to be getting worse. 331 00:25:56,416 --> 00:26:00,366 Anyway, now I'm seeing a kid. 332 00:26:00,462 --> 00:26:05,801 And you think this kid is a hallucination too? 333 00:26:05,885 --> 00:26:07,545 Yes. 334 00:26:07,637 --> 00:26:11,849 Is he someone you knew from your past, from your childhood? 335 00:26:11,933 --> 00:26:15,219 No, not from my childhood. I've forgotten my childhood. 336 00:26:15,312 --> 00:26:17,768 My childhood is in the past, where it belongs. 337 00:26:17,856 --> 00:26:21,356 But doesn't want to stay in the past, does it? 338 00:26:24,489 --> 00:26:27,656 Mr Duritz, I notice your eye is twitching. 339 00:26:27,742 --> 00:26:30,660 - I don't have a tic. - I didn't say you had a tic. 340 00:26:30,746 --> 00:26:34,530 It's not a tic. I have dry eyes. Why are you asking me about my dry eyes? 341 00:26:34,625 --> 00:26:37,875 - Why are you so upset? - Because I'm having hallucinations! 342 00:26:37,962 --> 00:26:40,536 And I'm asking you to make them go away... 343 00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:44,712 with very powerful medication that I can pick up on my way to work. 344 00:26:46,471 --> 00:26:49,010 Please, ma'am. 345 00:26:51,977 --> 00:26:56,687 Mr Duritz, you will pick up your powerful medicine... 346 00:26:56,774 --> 00:26:59,562 and then you will... 347 00:26:59,653 --> 00:27:02,144 go home and take the rest of the day off. 348 00:27:02,239 --> 00:27:06,486 - Yes, ma'am. - This is for a total of four pills. 349 00:27:06,577 --> 00:27:09,662 They will help to keep you calm until tomorrow at 4:00... 350 00:27:09,747 --> 00:27:13,033 at which time I expect to see you back here in my office... 351 00:27:13,126 --> 00:27:16,162 for an appointment, which you must promise to keep. 352 00:27:16,254 --> 00:27:18,496 Yes, ma'am. 353 00:27:18,590 --> 00:27:21,924 You're having these hallucinations for a reason. 354 00:27:22,011 --> 00:27:24,632 - Yes, ma'am. - And Mr Duritz... 355 00:27:24,722 --> 00:27:27,593 you need to figure out what that reason is. 356 00:27:29,352 --> 00:27:31,261 Thank you. 357 00:27:35,901 --> 00:27:38,060 The woman in question. if I understand it correctly... 358 00:27:38,153 --> 00:27:40,442 she was your pilates instructor. 359 00:27:40,531 --> 00:27:44,399 - Um. Well... - Yeah, are you watching this? 360 00:27:44,494 --> 00:27:47,032 - Unfortunately, yes. - I mean. Not beautiful like you are. Honey. 361 00:27:47,122 --> 00:27:50,787 - Oh, that's good. - Why won't hejust say what I told him to say? 362 00:27:50,876 --> 00:27:53,545 - He's an actor. He's improvising. - Give me his cell phone number. 363 00:27:53,629 --> 00:27:55,456 They won't let him take his cell phone to the set. 364 00:27:55,548 --> 00:27:58,217 Well, just get me any number, okay, Janet? 365 00:27:58,301 --> 00:28:00,293 Coast Guard, the police. 366 00:28:00,386 --> 00:28:02,925 Just get me a number before he spontaneously combusts. 367 00:28:03,014 --> 00:28:05,137 Let me see if I can get the power taken out in Atlanta. 368 00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:08,760 Okay, go. 369 00:28:08,854 --> 00:28:11,891 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 370 00:28:11,982 --> 00:28:14,225 Okay, got it. Bye. 371 00:28:40,013 --> 00:28:42,931 - You! - Don't get mad. I'll clean it up. 372 00:28:45,645 --> 00:28:47,020 Don't move! 373 00:28:50,608 --> 00:28:54,607 Look, look, this has just gotta stop, okay? This is... This is wrong! 374 00:28:54,696 --> 00:28:57,532 You can't just go around breaking into people's houses like this! 375 00:28:57,616 --> 00:28:59,656 It's against the law! 376 00:28:59,744 --> 00:29:02,579 I'm just gonna call the police now, all right? 377 00:29:02,663 --> 00:29:04,656 Tell them... 378 00:29:20,475 --> 00:29:22,514 Do I know you? 379 00:29:22,602 --> 00:29:24,761 I don't know. 380 00:29:31,362 --> 00:29:33,271 Why do you keep comin' back here? 381 00:29:37,619 --> 00:29:39,528 I came back to get my plane. 382 00:29:40,831 --> 00:29:44,745 - And then I saw the popcorn. - Your plane? 383 00:29:44,835 --> 00:29:48,418 My mom gave it to me for Christmas. How'd you get it? 384 00:29:48,506 --> 00:29:51,293 That is my plane, okay? 385 00:29:51,384 --> 00:29:54,219 My dad just dropped it off over here. 386 00:29:54,304 --> 00:29:59,180 Okay? It was in his attic for a long time. I've had that plane for 30... 387 00:30:11,615 --> 00:30:13,773 thirty years. 388 00:30:13,867 --> 00:30:15,611 Then why does it have my name on it? 389 00:30:15,702 --> 00:30:18,787 Look. Right here. "Rusty." 390 00:30:21,459 --> 00:30:23,452 Russell Morley Duritz. 391 00:30:23,544 --> 00:30:26,961 I hate that stupid name! 392 00:30:27,048 --> 00:30:29,456 How'd you know my name? 393 00:30:29,551 --> 00:30:34,973 - Mother's name is Gloria. Your father's name is Sam. - How do you know all that? 394 00:30:35,057 --> 00:30:37,809 - Your sister's name is Joanne. - But everybody calls her... 395 00:30:37,894 --> 00:30:40,301 - Josie. - Josie. 396 00:31:23,861 --> 00:31:25,854 Hi. 397 00:31:27,782 --> 00:31:30,154 Hi. 398 00:31:30,243 --> 00:31:34,111 Are you who I think you are? 399 00:31:34,206 --> 00:31:36,662 I don't know. 400 00:31:36,750 --> 00:31:40,001 How did I get here? 401 00:31:40,087 --> 00:31:41,795 I don't know. 402 00:31:44,259 --> 00:31:46,501 Holy smokes. 403 00:31:46,594 --> 00:31:49,549 How old are you? 404 00:31:49,639 --> 00:31:52,510 Forty in a couple days. 405 00:31:52,601 --> 00:31:56,302 That is old. 406 00:31:57,648 --> 00:32:00,982 I'm turning eight in a couple days. 407 00:32:01,069 --> 00:32:04,236 Eight. 408 00:32:04,322 --> 00:32:06,315 You're eight. 409 00:32:07,826 --> 00:32:09,024 I'm eight. 410 00:32:09,119 --> 00:32:11,361 This is scary. 411 00:32:11,455 --> 00:32:14,243 No. 412 00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:16,540 This is hilarious. 413 00:32:31,602 --> 00:32:36,942 All right. I'm just going to the kitchen. I'm gonna make a sandwich. 414 00:32:37,025 --> 00:32:40,311 There's safety in sandwiches. 415 00:32:40,404 --> 00:32:44,484 See? There's safety in sandwiches, see? 416 00:32:44,575 --> 00:32:49,617 It's funny how he knew that we called Joanne "Josie." 417 00:32:49,706 --> 00:32:54,202 But only I know the secret name... 418 00:32:54,294 --> 00:32:59,040 I had for Aunt Cathy when she was having her epileptic spells. 419 00:32:59,133 --> 00:33:01,126 Aunt Spazzy! 420 00:33:03,304 --> 00:33:06,305 Safety. Safety in a sandwich. 421 00:33:06,391 --> 00:33:08,467 Safety in a sandwich. 422 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,561 Safety in a sandwich. Safety... 423 00:33:14,024 --> 00:33:15,223 Get out! 424 00:33:15,317 --> 00:33:17,606 Okay, hallucination? Get out! 425 00:33:17,695 --> 00:33:19,604 - Am I having a nightmare? - No. 426 00:33:19,697 --> 00:33:21,820 You are not having a nightmare, you see. 427 00:33:21,908 --> 00:33:24,826 You do not exist. 428 00:33:24,911 --> 00:33:29,490 I am having a nightmare, okay, and my nervous breakdown. 429 00:33:29,583 --> 00:33:32,253 This is my first nervous breakdown, so I'm not quite sure how they're supposed to go. 430 00:33:32,336 --> 00:33:35,172 But I'm pretty sure that I'm dreaming, you understand? Dreaming! Dreaming! 431 00:33:35,256 --> 00:33:37,794 Dreaming! Dreaming! Okay? 432 00:33:37,884 --> 00:33:40,007 I don't think you're dreaming... 433 00:33:40,095 --> 00:33:42,847 'cause you're talking, and your eye is sort of twitching. 434 00:33:42,931 --> 00:33:47,510 Hey! I don't have time to go crazy, okay? 435 00:33:47,603 --> 00:33:50,355 So if you want me to go crazy, you're gonna have to get on the phone... 436 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:54,485 and call Janet just like everybody else and schedule an appointment! 437 00:33:56,071 --> 00:33:58,443 Ah. Ah, good. Okay. 438 00:33:58,532 --> 00:34:00,857 Make contact with the outside world. 439 00:34:00,951 --> 00:34:03,988 - Hi, Janet. It's Russ. - Hi. You okay? - No, no, good. 440 00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,078 Uh-huh. Nothing. Fine. No, I just came upstairs to return my calls. 441 00:34:08,167 --> 00:34:11,667 You wanna hear something funny? I was downstairs and now I'm upstairs. 442 00:34:11,755 --> 00:34:13,379 - Hey. - You see... 443 00:34:13,465 --> 00:34:17,000 - You dropped this. - Russ. Hello? 444 00:34:17,094 --> 00:34:20,795 Safety in a sandwich. Safety in a sandwich. Safety! 445 00:34:20,890 --> 00:34:23,761 Safety in a sandwich. 446 00:34:28,565 --> 00:34:31,139 You are just a hallucination! 447 00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:33,773 One that is about to disappear. 448 00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:38,648 Prepare to disappear! 449 00:34:43,373 --> 00:34:45,413 Prepare to disappear. 450 00:34:47,544 --> 00:34:49,454 I'm sitting on the floor. 451 00:34:49,546 --> 00:34:52,216 I'm taking the very powerful medication. 452 00:34:52,300 --> 00:34:55,669 Just waiting for it to kick in. Prepare to disappear! 453 00:35:08,192 --> 00:35:10,766 Disappeared? 454 00:35:10,862 --> 00:35:13,697 Very powerful medicine seems to be working. 455 00:35:16,910 --> 00:35:19,235 I'm still here. 456 00:35:51,949 --> 00:35:54,321 I'm not throwing your dismembered enemies into the Dumpster. 457 00:35:54,410 --> 00:35:56,319 I've got my limits. 458 00:35:58,915 --> 00:36:02,331 Do you remember when I had you sign those confidentiality papers at the office? 459 00:36:02,419 --> 00:36:04,826 - Yeah. - And do you remember me telling you... 460 00:36:04,921 --> 00:36:08,789 that if you ever said anything to anyone about anything that happens in this company... 461 00:36:08,884 --> 00:36:12,716 that I would not only sue you, but I would bring you to financial ruin? 462 00:36:12,805 --> 00:36:15,676 Snore. 463 00:36:15,767 --> 00:36:17,759 Okay, then. 464 00:36:34,621 --> 00:36:38,666 You can, uh... You can see him? 465 00:36:40,002 --> 00:36:43,585 Yes, I, um, can. 466 00:36:43,672 --> 00:36:46,424 You could see a little boy standing there? 467 00:36:46,509 --> 00:36:49,000 Yes. 468 00:36:49,095 --> 00:36:51,302 I'm pretty sure. 469 00:36:52,557 --> 00:36:54,550 Okay. 470 00:36:58,355 --> 00:37:01,522 This little boy is me at age eight. 471 00:37:01,609 --> 00:37:04,017 And I want you to make him disappear. 472 00:37:04,112 --> 00:37:05,820 - He's you? - Yeah. 473 00:37:05,905 --> 00:37:07,020 - At age eight? - Mm-hmm. 474 00:37:07,115 --> 00:37:11,030 And you want me to make him disappear? 475 00:37:11,119 --> 00:37:13,907 Please. 476 00:37:13,998 --> 00:37:16,406 - How was the therapist this morning? - Do it, Janet! 477 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:20,830 - How am I supposed to make a kid disappear? - Hey, you are the assistant! 478 00:37:20,922 --> 00:37:22,831 Figure it out, okay? 479 00:37:22,924 --> 00:37:25,083 You yelled at me! That is great. That... That helps. 480 00:37:25,177 --> 00:37:26,885 I feel I'm thinking more clearly. 481 00:37:26,970 --> 00:37:31,265 I-I feel I-I'm just more in touch with my, my magic assistant powers. 482 00:37:32,393 --> 00:37:35,727 Alakazam, alakazam. Dalakazam kazoo. 483 00:37:35,813 --> 00:37:38,305 Boom! Presto! Ha! 484 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:42,729 - Hi. - Didn't work. 485 00:37:42,821 --> 00:37:45,063 I should've worn my magic bra and panties. 486 00:37:46,450 --> 00:37:48,277 Get in the car. 487 00:37:49,871 --> 00:37:52,623 - I'm really disappointed in you, Janet. - Oh, fired, I hope. 488 00:37:52,707 --> 00:37:56,326 - No. Forget about your bonus. - Oh, boo hoo. What about my dental? 489 00:37:56,419 --> 00:37:59,374 My boss appears to have lost his mind. 490 00:37:59,465 --> 00:38:02,086 Sure you wouldn't rather stay here with me? 491 00:38:02,176 --> 00:38:03,670 I'll be okay. 492 00:38:08,391 --> 00:38:13,303 Waaah! Waaah! Somebody call the "waaambulance"! 493 00:38:14,857 --> 00:38:17,099 What are you crying about anyway? 494 00:38:17,192 --> 00:38:18,817 I just wanna go home. 495 00:38:18,903 --> 00:38:21,109 Well, I'm trying to get you home, okay? 496 00:38:21,197 --> 00:38:23,984 - Am I in trouble? - You're gonna be in trouble if you wipe that snot... 497 00:38:24,075 --> 00:38:27,160 on my calfskin seat... Don't do it. 498 00:38:27,245 --> 00:38:29,285 Just try and remember where you live, okay? 499 00:38:29,373 --> 00:38:33,418 - You should know that. - Well, I don't know that. We moved 12 times. 500 00:38:33,502 --> 00:38:35,495 We move a dozen times? 501 00:38:35,588 --> 00:38:40,381 - Yes. A dozen is 12. We moved 12 times. - What happens? 502 00:38:40,468 --> 00:38:42,508 What happens? A big truck comes... 503 00:38:42,595 --> 00:38:45,597 they put all your stuff inside, and you move to another house. 504 00:38:45,682 --> 00:38:49,098 - Twelve times. - Look! There it is right there! Remember it now? 505 00:38:58,613 --> 00:39:02,825 - No. - Look, that's where we fell off the roof last year. 506 00:39:02,910 --> 00:39:08,616 That's the bush we fell onto. And that's where the really big possum crawled under the house. 507 00:39:08,708 --> 00:39:11,709 - Remember? - Yeah, that was one of life's big events... 508 00:39:11,794 --> 00:39:13,752 when the possum crawled under the house. 509 00:39:13,838 --> 00:39:17,671 - How could I forget? - You don't remember the possum? 510 00:39:17,759 --> 00:39:19,752 It was, like, this big! 511 00:39:19,845 --> 00:39:23,131 And it had really long teeth. 512 00:39:23,224 --> 00:39:27,436 He took our sneaker in his mouth and ran off with it. You've gotta remember that. 513 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,727 Hey, I don't remember the possum, okay? 514 00:39:30,941 --> 00:39:33,099 I hardly remember living here at all. 515 00:39:33,193 --> 00:39:36,360 But you do, and that's all that counts. Get out. 516 00:39:39,241 --> 00:39:43,571 Wait. The house. It's different. 517 00:39:45,248 --> 00:39:48,333 - Bye, honey. - Who are they? 518 00:39:53,424 --> 00:39:56,129 What am I gonna do? 519 00:39:59,597 --> 00:40:00,842 What now? 520 00:40:03,476 --> 00:40:06,478 Hey, will you knock off the waterworks, okay? 521 00:40:06,563 --> 00:40:10,858 You know what the number one killer of kids under the age of 8 is? Self-pity. 522 00:40:10,943 --> 00:40:13,019 And you're already pitiful enough. 523 00:40:13,112 --> 00:40:15,401 Well, at least I don't do this! 524 00:40:18,326 --> 00:40:20,153 Nice. 525 00:40:22,789 --> 00:40:28,413 Chester! Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 526 00:40:28,504 --> 00:40:30,912 Chester! 527 00:40:31,007 --> 00:40:34,376 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 528 00:40:35,929 --> 00:40:38,218 Chester! 529 00:40:38,307 --> 00:40:41,723 Come on, Chester! Chester! 530 00:40:41,810 --> 00:40:43,720 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 531 00:40:43,813 --> 00:40:46,185 - Chester! - Kid, will you stop that yelling? 532 00:40:46,274 --> 00:40:49,192 - Chester! - Hey! Now! 533 00:40:50,570 --> 00:40:52,777 Where's Chester? 534 00:40:52,864 --> 00:40:55,901 - Who is Chester? - My dog. 535 00:40:55,993 --> 00:40:58,318 The dog I'm going to get when I grow up. 536 00:40:58,412 --> 00:41:02,660 - Oh. - The world's greatest dog. 537 00:41:02,750 --> 00:41:05,123 The one who rides in the back of my truck... 538 00:41:05,211 --> 00:41:08,213 plays Frisbee, goes everywhere I go. 539 00:41:08,298 --> 00:41:12,130 - Chester! - Bad news, kid. 540 00:41:12,219 --> 00:41:15,968 - No dog here. - What do you mean? 541 00:41:16,057 --> 00:41:19,177 I mean no dog. There's no dog here. 542 00:41:19,268 --> 00:41:23,480 - I don't own a dog. - No dog? No dog? 543 00:41:23,565 --> 00:41:27,515 - I grow up to be a guy with no dog? - That's right. 544 00:41:27,611 --> 00:41:31,526 - Why don't I have a dog? - Because I don't want a dog, okay? 545 00:41:32,742 --> 00:41:35,909 I can't take care of a dog. 546 00:41:35,995 --> 00:41:38,284 I travel all the time for work. 547 00:41:38,373 --> 00:41:40,580 You travel for work? 548 00:41:40,667 --> 00:41:43,419 I grow up to fly jets, right? I knew it! 549 00:41:43,504 --> 00:41:46,291 I knew I would grow up to fly jets! 550 00:41:46,382 --> 00:41:48,375 Uh, no. 551 00:41:48,467 --> 00:41:52,003 - No, I don't fly jets? - Not really, no. 552 00:41:52,096 --> 00:41:55,715 - What do I do then? - You're an image consultant. 553 00:41:55,809 --> 00:41:59,012 What's that? 554 00:41:59,104 --> 00:42:00,931 Uh, it's... 555 00:42:01,023 --> 00:42:04,226 - What does a consultant do? - Consult. 556 00:42:04,318 --> 00:42:07,106 But what do I do? 557 00:42:07,196 --> 00:42:09,901 You don't do anything. You tell other people what to do. 558 00:42:09,991 --> 00:42:12,031 That's the fun of it. You boss people around. 559 00:42:12,119 --> 00:42:14,076 Like this. Stop talking! 560 00:42:19,210 --> 00:42:22,294 Shouldn't there be a lady here somewhere? 561 00:42:22,380 --> 00:42:26,295 What do you mean, a lady living here? No. I live alone. 562 00:42:26,384 --> 00:42:29,339 I thought you said you were 40. 563 00:42:29,429 --> 00:42:32,466 I said I was almost 40. So? 564 00:42:32,558 --> 00:42:35,594 So, I'm 40, I'm not married... 565 00:42:35,686 --> 00:42:38,641 I don't fly jets, and I don't have a dog? 566 00:42:41,025 --> 00:42:43,314 I grow up to be a loser. 567 00:42:45,906 --> 00:42:49,524 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 568 00:42:49,618 --> 00:42:52,655 That's my name too 569 00:42:52,747 --> 00:42:56,282 Whenever we go out the people always shout 570 00:42:56,376 --> 00:42:58,415 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 571 00:42:58,503 --> 00:43:00,330 Da na na na na na na 572 00:43:00,422 --> 00:43:03,838 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 573 00:43:03,926 --> 00:43:06,880 That's my name too 574 00:43:06,971 --> 00:43:10,091 Whenever we go out the people always shout 575 00:43:10,183 --> 00:43:12,508 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 576 00:43:12,602 --> 00:43:15,520 Da na na na na na na 577 00:43:15,605 --> 00:43:19,140 Wow! Look at it! Man! 578 00:43:19,234 --> 00:43:23,315 Gee! Holy smokes! Holy Moses! 579 00:43:23,406 --> 00:43:25,315 Look at the moon! 580 00:43:27,118 --> 00:43:29,574 - Wow! Far out! - Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Stop that yelling! 581 00:43:29,662 --> 00:43:31,821 - Holy Moses! - What are you doing up? 582 00:43:31,915 --> 00:43:33,991 Look at it! It's huge! 583 00:43:34,084 --> 00:43:37,619 What is with you people? It's the moon, okay? 584 00:43:37,713 --> 00:43:40,121 You travel 30 years across time... 585 00:43:40,216 --> 00:43:43,087 and all you can do is stand out here and scream about the moon coming up? 586 00:43:43,177 --> 00:43:47,128 But you can see the man in the moon really good tonight! 587 00:43:47,224 --> 00:43:49,347 Well, did he speak to you? 588 00:43:49,434 --> 00:43:51,511 Did he invite you up for a little bit of cheese? 589 00:43:51,603 --> 00:43:54,095 Did he blow fart bubbles out of his butt, huh? 590 00:43:54,190 --> 00:43:56,182 Because if he didn't, then there really isn't any reason... 591 00:43:56,275 --> 00:43:58,351 to be excited about the moon, is there? 592 00:43:58,444 --> 00:44:01,979 Sorry. I'll never get excited again. 593 00:44:02,073 --> 00:44:03,983 Obviously. 594 00:44:05,369 --> 00:44:06,863 Wait! 595 00:44:06,954 --> 00:44:09,196 Can I ask you a question? 596 00:44:11,125 --> 00:44:14,909 Why does the moon get, like, orangy sometimes? 597 00:44:18,258 --> 00:44:22,303 Because there is a, uh... 598 00:44:22,387 --> 00:44:24,961 a band of, uh... 599 00:44:31,314 --> 00:44:35,526 Just shut up and go to sleep, okay? 600 00:44:35,610 --> 00:44:37,733 Or better yet, go away! 601 00:44:37,821 --> 00:44:42,199 I knew it! I grow up to be a guy who doesn't know anything! 602 00:44:43,869 --> 00:44:46,574 And who doesn't have a dog! 603 00:44:52,295 --> 00:44:55,795 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 604 00:44:55,883 --> 00:44:58,884 That's my name too 605 00:45:04,684 --> 00:45:06,677 Kid? 606 00:45:18,866 --> 00:45:20,575 Good. 607 00:45:27,251 --> 00:45:31,083 Maybe Russ here can explain it a little bit better than I've been able to. Russ? 608 00:45:31,172 --> 00:45:33,129 Here's how we see things, Mr Vivian. 609 00:45:33,216 --> 00:45:35,754 Call me Vivian. 610 00:45:35,843 --> 00:45:37,753 Okay. Vivian. 611 00:45:37,846 --> 00:45:40,171 You're going public, you're making an IPO... 612 00:45:40,265 --> 00:45:42,174 your software's brilliant, and that's all great. 613 00:45:42,267 --> 00:45:45,434 But if you wanna make Fortune 500, you have to understand... 614 00:45:45,521 --> 00:45:48,059 that at a certain point, people are gonna want to get a good look at you. 615 00:45:48,149 --> 00:45:49,727 And that's where things get a little dicey. 616 00:45:49,817 --> 00:45:52,487 Dicey. That's right. Very, very dicey. 617 00:45:52,570 --> 00:45:55,774 I don't see why I have to change a thing. 618 00:45:55,866 --> 00:45:58,238 Okay. Let's look at this. 619 00:45:58,327 --> 00:46:00,735 - You live in a cabin... - I won't cut my hair... 620 00:46:00,829 --> 00:46:03,784 and I won't shave my beard. 621 00:46:05,710 --> 00:46:07,786 Let me give it to you straight, Z.Z. 622 00:46:07,879 --> 00:46:10,880 If you wanna ride your cow to Farm Aid, you don't have to change a thing. 623 00:46:10,966 --> 00:46:12,875 But if you wanna make the front page of the Wall Street Journal... 624 00:46:12,968 --> 00:46:15,506 there is one thing you're going to have to change. 625 00:46:16,931 --> 00:46:18,639 The, uh... 626 00:46:21,269 --> 00:46:24,970 To, um... Uh... 627 00:46:28,402 --> 00:46:31,107 - Someone you know? - What? 628 00:46:31,196 --> 00:46:34,400 - Friend of yours? - No! 629 00:46:34,492 --> 00:46:36,781 It... It's a little boy. 630 00:46:36,869 --> 00:46:39,740 - Hello! - I don't know any little kids. 631 00:46:39,831 --> 00:46:42,239 - I'm starving! - Just tragic that parents... 632 00:46:42,334 --> 00:46:44,326 would send their kids out to beg like that. 633 00:46:44,419 --> 00:46:46,542 - Very, very sad. - I can't believe it. - Russ! 634 00:46:46,630 --> 00:46:49,501 Russ Duritz, I'm hungry! 635 00:46:49,592 --> 00:46:53,886 Feed me! Ugh! I'm hungry! 636 00:46:53,971 --> 00:46:58,301 If you'll excuse me for just a moment, please. 637 00:46:58,393 --> 00:47:00,931 What are you doing here? I thought you disappeared. 638 00:47:01,021 --> 00:47:04,355 - I don't know how to disappear. I'm hungry! - Hello. 639 00:47:07,153 --> 00:47:09,442 I'm Amy. Who are you? 640 00:47:09,530 --> 00:47:11,523 I'm Rusty. 641 00:47:12,867 --> 00:47:15,822 And who is Rusty? 642 00:47:15,912 --> 00:47:17,870 - My nephew. - Your nephew? 643 00:47:17,956 --> 00:47:19,830 Yes. My sister's kid. 644 00:47:19,917 --> 00:47:24,045 - The one who's going to college in the autumn? - No. The other one. 645 00:47:24,130 --> 00:47:27,250 Melissa? 646 00:47:27,342 --> 00:47:30,259 Yes, Amy. This is Melissa. 647 00:47:30,345 --> 00:47:32,302 No, it is the other one. 648 00:47:32,389 --> 00:47:35,556 - The one she doesn't like to talk about. - Oh, I see. 649 00:47:35,642 --> 00:47:37,801 Which completely explains why you never told me about him. 650 00:47:37,895 --> 00:47:40,351 Maybe I don't tell you every thing. 651 00:47:43,192 --> 00:47:45,185 So are you having fun with your uncle? 652 00:47:45,278 --> 00:47:48,861 Not really. He made me sleep outside... 653 00:47:48,949 --> 00:47:51,107 he didn't give me any breakfast... 654 00:47:51,201 --> 00:47:53,278 and he doesn't have a dog. 655 00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:55,280 That is a problem. 656 00:47:55,373 --> 00:47:58,160 - You made him sleep outside? - He slept in a tent. 657 00:47:58,251 --> 00:48:00,374 - You've got a tent? - It was his tent. 658 00:48:00,462 --> 00:48:03,167 You didn't give him any breakfast. 659 00:48:03,256 --> 00:48:07,385 He can stand to miss a meal. 660 00:48:07,469 --> 00:48:11,514 Rusty, are you hungry? 661 00:48:11,599 --> 00:48:14,635 - Starved. - Let's go and get some bacon and eggs. 662 00:48:14,727 --> 00:48:17,016 No, no, no, no. Rusty can't have bacon and eggs. 663 00:48:17,105 --> 00:48:19,014 I've gotta get him back to his mom right now. 664 00:48:19,107 --> 00:48:21,349 Don't forget Kenny's this afternoon. 665 00:48:21,443 --> 00:48:24,148 - Bye, Rusty! - Bye! 666 00:48:24,238 --> 00:48:26,646 Nice to meet you. 667 00:48:33,289 --> 00:48:37,240 - Just get that moony look off your face. - I like that Amy lady. 668 00:48:37,336 --> 00:48:40,005 I bet she likes dogs. 669 00:48:40,089 --> 00:48:42,461 I don't know what's worse, the fact that I'm stuck with you... 670 00:48:42,550 --> 00:48:44,459 or the idea that I don't know what to do about it. 671 00:48:44,552 --> 00:48:46,509 Why don't we eat something? 672 00:48:46,596 --> 00:48:50,345 Why? Because you don't know what to do, you just wanna stuff your face? 673 00:48:50,433 --> 00:48:53,933 No, because it says to up there in the sky. 674 00:48:59,026 --> 00:49:02,941 Okay. Why don't we eat something? 675 00:49:06,785 --> 00:49:08,694 What can I get ya? 676 00:49:08,787 --> 00:49:11,907 Um, I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 677 00:49:13,042 --> 00:49:15,959 - Just bring him something healthy, okay? - Sorry, sir. 678 00:49:16,045 --> 00:49:18,667 We only serve starchy, sugary, salty food... 679 00:49:18,756 --> 00:49:22,208 high in fat and cholesterol that tastes delicious. 680 00:49:22,302 --> 00:49:24,591 Comforts people deep down inside. 681 00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:27,385 Okay. I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 682 00:49:27,474 --> 00:49:30,392 - You want a milk shake with that? - Chocolate, please. 683 00:49:30,478 --> 00:49:33,395 Extra whipped cream. 684 00:49:33,481 --> 00:49:37,978 - And for you? - You know, I think I'd just like the magic bean omelet. 685 00:49:38,069 --> 00:49:42,566 Aw, did somebody not get their coffee today? I'm gonna go get it! 686 00:49:42,658 --> 00:49:45,114 Maybe you can bring it before the diner disappears. 687 00:49:45,202 --> 00:49:47,325 What are you lookin' at, Sparky? 688 00:49:48,497 --> 00:49:50,407 Oh, man. 689 00:49:52,836 --> 00:49:56,252 - What are you doing here? - Having French toast, pancakes and bacon. 690 00:49:56,339 --> 00:49:59,839 That's not what I'm talking about. What did you come here for? 691 00:50:01,136 --> 00:50:04,054 I don't know. My model aeroplane? 692 00:50:04,140 --> 00:50:06,975 Well, you already got that, and we're still screwed up. 693 00:50:07,060 --> 00:50:10,263 We're even more screwed up than we were before. 694 00:50:12,357 --> 00:50:15,561 - What am I gonna do with you? - What do you wanna do with me? 695 00:50:15,652 --> 00:50:17,729 I want to put you on a diet, chubby! 696 00:50:17,822 --> 00:50:20,574 Fix you up so you aren't such a pathetic loser. 697 00:50:20,658 --> 00:50:24,407 This is what I do for a living, okay? 698 00:50:24,496 --> 00:50:28,280 Making people look good is what I do. 699 00:50:28,375 --> 00:50:31,625 Problem is... 700 00:50:31,712 --> 00:50:35,081 there's so much to do with you, I don't know where to start. 701 00:50:35,174 --> 00:50:38,045 Well, I'd like to not get my butt kicked so much. 702 00:50:38,136 --> 00:50:40,888 Kids are always laughing at us. 703 00:50:40,972 --> 00:50:44,804 It sorta hurts my feelings. 704 00:50:44,893 --> 00:50:46,637 Why didn't I think of this before? 705 00:50:46,728 --> 00:50:49,765 This is what you came for, okay? 706 00:50:49,857 --> 00:50:53,309 I just gotta teach you how to fight. By the way... 707 00:50:53,402 --> 00:50:55,312 they're not laughing at us, they're laughing at you. 708 00:50:55,405 --> 00:50:57,481 When you get to be me, they laugh, they die! 709 00:50:57,574 --> 00:51:00,361 - They laugh, they die? - Yes. 710 00:51:00,452 --> 00:51:03,406 You laugh, you die! You laugh, you die! 711 00:51:03,497 --> 00:51:05,704 You laugh, you die! Pow! Pow! 712 00:51:05,791 --> 00:51:09,836 Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! 713 00:51:09,921 --> 00:51:13,088 - Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! - Okay, okay. Okay, okay, shut up! Shut... 714 00:51:13,174 --> 00:51:16,294 - Hey, guess what. - What? - I gotta pee. 715 00:51:16,386 --> 00:51:20,301 Are you sure you know someone who can teach me how to fight? 716 00:51:20,391 --> 00:51:23,012 Yeah, I think I could find somebody. 717 00:51:25,563 --> 00:51:28,517 Isn't it cool how we both have to go at the same time? 718 00:51:28,608 --> 00:51:32,653 Yes. I'll cherish this moment for a lifetime. 719 00:51:44,355 --> 00:51:46,893 - I'm just gonna have one more piece. Just one... Just one more piece. - What do you think of this one? 720 00:51:46,982 --> 00:51:48,975 - Hey! - It's too short. - Oh, God. 721 00:51:49,068 --> 00:51:52,402 Please tell me that's not... Hey. 722 00:51:52,489 --> 00:51:54,481 You're five weeks away from defending your title. 723 00:51:54,574 --> 00:51:56,567 - What are you doing eating pizza? - But I... I'm a nervous eater. 724 00:51:56,660 --> 00:51:59,116 - Beat it. - You'd be nervous too if you was getting married tomorrow. 725 00:51:59,204 --> 00:52:03,867 Yeah, I'd be nervous that my bride would dump me because I'm a big, fat tub of lard. 726 00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,712 - Hi, Giselle. - Hi, Russ. 727 00:52:09,674 --> 00:52:13,008 - What is that? Is that 20 more pounds? - No. 728 00:52:13,095 --> 00:52:16,546 - Hey! Put the... - Damn, he won't even let you eat, huh? 729 00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:18,966 - Does he look like he needs any pizza? - Who is he? 730 00:52:19,060 --> 00:52:21,218 This is Russ's nephew, Rusty. 731 00:52:21,312 --> 00:52:24,978 Oh, I didn't know you had two nephews. 732 00:52:25,066 --> 00:52:27,522 - How do I look, baby? Look. - Mmm, like Adonis. 733 00:52:28,945 --> 00:52:31,733 Hey, hey, Adonis. Adonis. 734 00:52:31,824 --> 00:52:34,529 - What? - Can I use your boxing ring? 735 00:52:34,618 --> 00:52:36,695 I wanna give pudge-boy here some lessons. 736 00:52:36,787 --> 00:52:40,702 - Maybe you could step in, show him a few moves. - Yeah, I would be glad to. 737 00:52:42,210 --> 00:52:47,003 That way, you can punch his lights out the next time he tries to call you pudge-boy. 738 00:52:47,091 --> 00:52:49,083 Groovy! 739 00:52:51,721 --> 00:52:54,888 First things first. You tryin' to get knocked out or something? 740 00:52:54,974 --> 00:52:57,810 All right, well, then get your hands up then. You gotta protect that chin. 741 00:52:57,894 --> 00:53:00,017 I pop you on that chin, that's it. 742 00:53:00,105 --> 00:53:04,020 Remember, this is number one, this is number two. You punch one, two. 743 00:53:04,109 --> 00:53:07,479 One, two. Go ahead. Try it. One... That's it. That's it. 744 00:53:07,571 --> 00:53:09,944 - Get out of the way. - Come on. 745 00:53:11,409 --> 00:53:13,735 Come on. Good. Come on. Come on. 746 00:53:15,914 --> 00:53:19,533 - You hit me. - Yes, unfortunately, I did hit you... 747 00:53:19,626 --> 00:53:22,034 and I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. 748 00:53:22,129 --> 00:53:24,288 Or maybe I will. Come on. 749 00:53:24,382 --> 00:53:26,458 Fight. Yeah. Come on. Come on. 750 00:53:26,551 --> 00:53:29,635 Come on, kid. Fight. Come on. Come on. 751 00:53:29,721 --> 00:53:33,589 - Hit him. One, two. One, two. - Go on, Rusty. Punch his lights out! 752 00:53:33,684 --> 00:53:35,926 - Hey. Whose side are you on? - Throw it. Throw it. 753 00:53:42,068 --> 00:53:44,524 Whoa, whoa! Take it easy, little Tyson! 754 00:53:44,612 --> 00:53:47,020 What are you gonna do next, bite his ear off? We don't hit 'em when they're down. 755 00:53:47,115 --> 00:53:50,650 - They hit me when I'm down. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who? Who? Who? 756 00:53:50,744 --> 00:53:54,577 - The kids at school. - Kid's havin' some trouble at school. 757 00:53:54,665 --> 00:53:57,203 Well, why didn't you say that, Russ? I'm teachin' the boy boxin'. 758 00:53:57,293 --> 00:53:59,286 He don't need that. He needs street fightin'. 759 00:53:59,379 --> 00:54:01,835 Why don't you show him that WWF scissors hold? Show him that one. 760 00:54:01,923 --> 00:54:04,711 - Here we go. Ready? - Whoa! 761 00:54:04,801 --> 00:54:07,340 Now that I can use. 762 00:54:08,264 --> 00:54:10,470 Get off me. 763 00:54:17,649 --> 00:54:19,558 Have you noticed how alike those two are? 764 00:54:19,651 --> 00:54:21,727 Makes sense. They're related, right? 765 00:54:23,530 --> 00:54:25,523 I suppose so. 766 00:54:29,454 --> 00:54:32,027 Russ Duritz's office. How may I help you? 767 00:54:32,123 --> 00:54:34,081 - Yeah, it's me. What's up? - Oh. It's you. 768 00:54:34,167 --> 00:54:37,085 I hadn't heard from you in four hours. I'd assumed you were dead. 769 00:54:37,170 --> 00:54:39,626 - Hey, how's mini-you? - That's hilarious, Janet. 770 00:54:39,715 --> 00:54:42,467 - What's up? - You got 19 messages, last count. 771 00:54:42,551 --> 00:54:44,129 - You want 'em? - Let me have 'em. 772 00:54:44,220 --> 00:54:47,720 Let's see, uh... Bob Riley. 773 00:54:47,807 --> 00:54:51,390 Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Bob Riley. 774 00:54:51,478 --> 00:54:55,143 Bob Riley. I'm sure there's another one in here. Just a second. Here's Bob Riley. 775 00:54:56,066 --> 00:54:58,059 Hey! 776 00:55:00,112 --> 00:55:01,939 Hey, Amy. Where are you going? 777 00:55:02,031 --> 00:55:04,024 My place for some ice cream. See you there. 778 00:55:04,117 --> 00:55:06,275 - Ice cream? - Bye! 779 00:55:14,462 --> 00:55:18,127 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 780 00:55:18,216 --> 00:55:20,292 Are you our girlfriend? 781 00:55:22,470 --> 00:55:25,222 That's a funny way of putting it. 782 00:55:25,307 --> 00:55:27,466 Mostly, no. 783 00:55:28,686 --> 00:55:31,259 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 784 00:55:31,355 --> 00:55:34,025 Are you our nephew? 785 00:55:35,568 --> 00:55:37,561 Mostly... 786 00:55:39,614 --> 00:55:41,691 no. 787 00:55:43,577 --> 00:55:46,495 - But you are related, aren't you? - Uh-huh. 788 00:55:47,957 --> 00:55:50,365 - How close? - Pretty. 789 00:55:50,460 --> 00:55:52,583 How close is pretty close? 790 00:55:53,588 --> 00:55:55,213 Pretty darn. 791 00:55:58,969 --> 00:56:01,176 Oh, my God. 792 00:56:01,263 --> 00:56:02,971 - Hi. - He's your son. 793 00:56:03,057 --> 00:56:05,679 - What? - He's your son! You have a son! 794 00:56:05,768 --> 00:56:08,390 Hey! Whatcha... Get off! Hey! 795 00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:10,519 And all this time you never even breathed a word! 796 00:56:10,607 --> 00:56:15,234 And you're some deadbeat dad who had visitation rights today or something. 797 00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,444 - Amy, do you know how... - And who's the mother, anyway? 798 00:56:17,531 --> 00:56:21,529 Don't tell me. I don't wanna know. I know. It's that Swedish chick, isn't it? 799 00:56:21,619 --> 00:56:24,324 Yeah, that Ingesborg or Smorgasbord or whatever her name is. 800 00:56:24,414 --> 00:56:28,246 - Inga? - Not that I care, of course, about who or where or what you do! 801 00:56:28,335 --> 00:56:32,547 - Amy, he is not Swedish. - And I'm not his son. 802 00:56:32,631 --> 00:56:34,375 Honest. 803 00:56:36,552 --> 00:56:39,470 Then who are you? 804 00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:48,012 Russ? 805 00:56:49,608 --> 00:56:54,271 Because I've been watching the two of you together, and I swear to God... 806 00:56:54,364 --> 00:56:56,356 there's something very... 807 00:56:57,325 --> 00:56:59,069 strange going on. 808 00:57:00,746 --> 00:57:03,581 - We have to tell her. - We are not going to tell her. 809 00:57:03,666 --> 00:57:06,418 - Tell me what? - Come on. Do it! 810 00:57:06,502 --> 00:57:09,622 Hey! Zip it! We're not gonna tell her, okay? 811 00:57:09,714 --> 00:57:12,751 Besides, she won't believe us anyway. She'll just think you take after me. 812 00:57:12,842 --> 00:57:15,381 - Then do the knuckle. - That's not gonna convince her. 813 00:57:15,470 --> 00:57:18,922 Then tell her something only I would know, and then she can ask me about the same thing. 814 00:57:19,016 --> 00:57:22,681 - Like Aunt Spazzy. - How is that gonna work? Think about it. 815 00:57:22,770 --> 00:57:25,641 - Then show her the scar. - Anybody could have a scar. 816 00:57:25,732 --> 00:57:28,519 - What about the birthmark? - Well, that could be a coincidence too. 817 00:57:28,610 --> 00:57:31,148 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 818 00:57:31,238 --> 00:57:34,155 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 819 00:57:34,241 --> 00:57:36,068 - She will! - She won't! - She will! - She won't! 820 00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:38,069 - She will! - Hey! 821 00:57:38,162 --> 00:57:40,238 I wish I was standing on a carpet. 822 00:57:46,755 --> 00:57:49,542 - Told ya. - Amy. 823 00:57:50,884 --> 00:57:55,179 ...aboard that ship in... ...which process the potatoes into a variety of products. 824 00:58:00,895 --> 00:58:03,469 - Stop biting. - Leave me alone. 825 00:58:04,858 --> 00:58:08,393 I'm advertising terror and bewilderment. 826 00:58:08,487 --> 00:58:14,491 Holy smokes. Ninety-nine channels, and there's nothing on. 827 00:58:16,121 --> 00:58:18,612 How can this be? 828 00:58:21,627 --> 00:58:23,619 I have no idea. 829 00:58:25,589 --> 00:58:27,582 Look at him. 830 00:58:27,675 --> 00:58:29,964 He's so embarrassing. 831 00:58:31,471 --> 00:58:34,342 You're not embarrassing. 832 00:58:34,432 --> 00:58:35,975 You're adorable. 833 00:58:39,355 --> 00:58:42,024 Then. You're adorable then. 834 00:58:44,735 --> 00:58:47,191 Stop picking! 835 00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:50,815 Look at that haircut. I look like Herman's Hermits. 836 00:58:50,909 --> 00:58:55,287 And I "shpeak" like I got a mouth full of "shpit." 837 00:58:55,372 --> 00:58:57,282 Well, of course you do. 838 00:58:57,374 --> 00:59:01,075 Doesn't the fact that I'm a pathetic dweeb make you despise me? 839 00:59:06,468 --> 00:59:08,924 No. 840 00:59:09,012 --> 00:59:11,254 Why? 841 00:59:11,348 --> 00:59:13,424 Do you despise you? 842 00:59:16,562 --> 00:59:19,647 When I look at him, all I see are awful memories. 843 00:59:19,732 --> 00:59:22,650 Memories I have been spending most of my life trying to forget. 844 00:59:26,573 --> 00:59:28,946 I'm sorry. 845 00:59:42,382 --> 00:59:44,921 Hello? Kenny. 846 00:59:45,010 --> 00:59:47,584 Nauseous about the wedding tomorrow? 847 00:59:47,680 --> 00:59:50,171 My God, the wedding tomorrow. Hang on a minute. 848 00:59:50,266 --> 00:59:52,804 Wedding tomorrow. What am I gonna do with him? 849 00:59:52,894 --> 00:59:55,266 - We'll take him with us. - What? 850 00:59:55,355 --> 00:59:59,567 To an important event? Are you out of your mind? Take him with us? 851 00:59:59,652 --> 01:00:02,855 This is an important event with people who respect me. 852 01:00:02,947 --> 01:00:05,521 - He's gonna humiliate me. - Hey! 853 01:00:05,616 --> 01:00:10,030 - Ohh. - Hey! I forbid you to bond with this boy! 854 01:00:10,121 --> 01:00:13,870 What, Kenny? Who got sick? 855 01:00:29,685 --> 01:00:33,683 Thank goodness your nephew replaced little James. 856 01:00:33,773 --> 01:00:37,901 None of the other children was fat enough to fit in his clothes. 857 01:00:45,369 --> 01:00:48,536 It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry about it. 858 01:00:48,622 --> 01:00:53,368 - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah - Yester-me. Yester-you 859 01:00:53,461 --> 01:00:57,791 - Yesterday - Ooh-ooh 860 01:00:59,509 --> 01:01:01,668 What happened to 861 01:01:03,514 --> 01:01:05,922 The world we knew 862 01:01:07,894 --> 01:01:11,061 When we would dream and scheme 863 01:01:11,147 --> 01:01:15,477 -And while the time away - Don't worry. 864 01:01:15,569 --> 01:01:20,361 Just take it off and shove it under the table when no one's looking. 865 01:01:20,449 --> 01:01:21,943 - Really? - Yeah. 866 01:01:24,996 --> 01:01:28,864 - Where did it go - Where did it go 867 01:01:28,958 --> 01:01:32,126 That yester-glow 868 01:01:32,212 --> 01:01:33,375 - Ha-ha. - Hello. 869 01:01:33,463 --> 01:01:37,877 - How are you? - When we could feel the wheels of life 870 01:01:37,968 --> 01:01:40,127 Turn our way 871 01:01:40,221 --> 01:01:44,515 Yester-me Yester-you 872 01:01:44,601 --> 01:01:46,225 Yesterday 873 01:01:47,938 --> 01:01:51,224 - I know. Ohh... - I had a dream 874 01:01:51,317 --> 01:01:52,894 So did you 875 01:01:52,985 --> 01:01:57,398 Life was warm and love was true 876 01:01:59,033 --> 01:02:04,490 - Two kids who followed all the rules - Holy smokes. 877 01:02:04,581 --> 01:02:06,241 - Russ! Russ! - Yester-fools 878 01:02:06,333 --> 01:02:09,003 -And now. Now it seems - Excuse me, Clarissa. 879 01:02:09,086 --> 01:02:12,538 - You're interrupting us. We're dancing. - But it's really important. 880 01:02:12,632 --> 01:02:16,001 - Not now, kid. - But it's really, really, rrrr... 881 01:02:16,094 --> 01:02:22,299 Werejust a cruel and foolish game we had to play 882 01:02:22,392 --> 01:02:25,228 - Drivin' you crazy, huh? - Yeah. - Yester-me. Yester-you 883 01:02:25,312 --> 01:02:27,934 - It's different when they're your own. Speaking of which, - Yesterday 884 01:02:28,024 --> 01:02:30,859 when you gonna give up your evil ways and settle down? 885 01:02:30,944 --> 01:02:32,983 - As soon as you become available again, Clarissa. - When I recall 886 01:02:33,071 --> 01:02:35,278 - I'm serious. - So am I. - What we had 887 01:02:35,365 --> 01:02:39,446 I feel lost I feel sad 888 01:02:41,455 --> 01:02:46,450 - With nothing but the memory of - Amy, I have a question. 889 01:02:46,544 --> 01:02:48,667 - Oh. Yester-love - A big one. 890 01:02:48,755 --> 01:02:51,756 - Okay. -And now. Now it seems 891 01:02:51,842 --> 01:02:53,881 What about that pretty woman you came with today? 892 01:02:53,969 --> 01:02:56,258 - You mean Amy? Nah, we work together. - Those yester-dreams 893 01:02:56,347 --> 01:03:01,093 - I've known her for a really long time. - I know we haven't known each other very long. 894 01:03:01,185 --> 01:03:05,433 Don't worry about me. When I meet the right person, I'm sure I'll get around to asking. 895 01:03:05,523 --> 01:03:07,979 - Yester-me. Yester-you - In case I never get around to asking... 896 01:03:09,862 --> 01:03:11,854 - Yesterday - Somebody's making a move right now. 897 01:03:11,947 --> 01:03:15,613 Oh. Come on and sing it Yester-me 898 01:03:15,701 --> 01:03:17,445 - Yester-you - Amy... 899 01:03:17,537 --> 01:03:20,988 - Yesterday - Will you marry me? 900 01:03:21,082 --> 01:03:24,037 Oh. Yester-me 901 01:03:24,127 --> 01:03:26,286 - Yester-you - Okay, let's go. - Hey! 902 01:03:26,380 --> 01:03:29,417 - Yesterday - Let me go, you big jerk! 903 01:03:30,551 --> 01:03:32,591 Wait a minute. Stop. He asked me a question. 904 01:03:32,678 --> 01:03:34,387 - Don't you want to know what I was going to say? - No. 905 01:03:34,472 --> 01:03:37,723 - No? - No. He had no right asking you what he did, okay? 906 01:03:37,809 --> 01:03:40,016 - You and I aren't even... - Well, we are! - Since when? 907 01:03:40,103 --> 01:03:42,677 - MYOB! - What? 908 01:03:42,773 --> 01:03:48,016 Mind your own beeswax. Do you or do you not want to know what I was going to say? 909 01:03:48,112 --> 01:03:51,528 - What were you gonna say? - Yeah, what were you going to say? 910 01:03:51,616 --> 01:03:54,487 Try it again. Less practised indifference. 911 01:03:54,578 --> 01:03:57,448 More warmth. 912 01:03:57,539 --> 01:04:00,457 - What were you going to say? - What were you gonna say? 913 01:04:00,543 --> 01:04:02,950 So you want to know what I was going to say. 914 01:04:05,506 --> 01:04:08,673 - Take a walk. - I'm the one who asked her. - Just go away. 915 01:04:20,940 --> 01:04:23,692 - What were you going to say? - I was going to say... 916 01:04:24,861 --> 01:04:27,233 - I'll have to think about it. - Oh, really? - Yes. 917 01:04:27,322 --> 01:04:30,526 Because, impossibly, what had previously seemed to me... 918 01:04:30,617 --> 01:04:34,069 to be the worst idea in the universe has, over the last 12 hours... 919 01:04:34,163 --> 01:04:36,571 transmogrified into not such a terrible idea... 920 01:04:36,666 --> 01:04:39,916 opening a very small window of opportunity for you. 921 01:04:40,003 --> 01:04:41,996 - For me? - Yeah. 922 01:04:42,088 --> 01:04:46,965 Ah. And what if I didn't want to take advantage of this opportunity? 923 01:04:47,052 --> 01:04:51,347 A part of you obviously wants to, and it is that part of you that is causing me... 924 01:04:54,227 --> 01:04:56,303 to think about it. 925 01:05:09,494 --> 01:05:11,570 Are you... 926 01:05:11,663 --> 01:05:14,284 asking me... 927 01:05:14,374 --> 01:05:16,533 to think about it? 928 01:05:18,754 --> 01:05:21,541 Wait. Wait a minute. 929 01:05:21,632 --> 01:05:23,755 If you'll just wait, I... 930 01:05:23,843 --> 01:05:25,836 I'm gonna go get the valet... the car... 931 01:05:25,928 --> 01:05:28,680 the car from the... 932 01:05:31,560 --> 01:05:35,143 But now. Now he was ready to start feeling the love. 933 01:05:35,230 --> 01:05:37,519 Oh. Yeah. Before the game this afternoon with the visiting Orioles... 934 01:05:37,691 --> 01:05:41,440 Riley invited a dozen kids to barrage him with chocolate cream pies... 935 01:05:41,529 --> 01:05:45,610 as a way to say. "I'm sorry. " for what he claims is a simple case of miscommunication. 936 01:05:46,868 --> 01:05:49,823 Uncle Bob knows how to party! 937 01:05:53,125 --> 01:05:55,201 This is so much fun! 938 01:06:00,508 --> 01:06:04,803 - Some of these guys... - So you crawled through the Dumpster behind the bar after I left. 939 01:06:12,355 --> 01:06:16,139 I shot that. I'm part of this. 940 01:06:17,277 --> 01:06:19,649 Tell me, do you know for certain that he turned the funds over... 941 01:06:19,738 --> 01:06:21,731 or is he maybe still sitting on them? 942 01:06:24,285 --> 01:06:26,361 Poor little Amy. 943 01:06:26,454 --> 01:06:28,779 Mixed up with a rotten boss... 944 01:06:28,873 --> 01:06:31,032 who feels obligated to his clients. 945 01:06:32,460 --> 01:06:35,497 - Do you know that the number one killer of young men... - Russ! 946 01:06:35,589 --> 01:06:38,709 The person I am pitying here is not me. 947 01:06:41,178 --> 01:06:43,420 Look, it's all my fault. 948 01:06:43,514 --> 01:06:46,136 I made the big, stupid mistake. 949 01:06:49,145 --> 01:06:50,556 I thought you'd change. 950 01:06:57,405 --> 01:07:00,110 I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. 951 01:07:03,077 --> 01:07:06,328 Do you want to know what the saddest part of this whole thing is? 952 01:07:11,962 --> 01:07:14,454 You could have been great. 953 01:07:54,259 --> 01:07:56,715 Man. Man! 954 01:07:57,888 --> 01:08:00,973 When do we ever stop blowing it? 955 01:08:02,101 --> 01:08:05,138 Russ, we've gotta change. 956 01:08:06,898 --> 01:08:08,891 We have to change. 957 01:08:19,412 --> 01:08:22,081 That's pretty cool, how we both have to, uh... 958 01:08:39,434 --> 01:08:42,768 - It's our birthday tomorrow. - Yeah, I know. 959 01:08:42,854 --> 01:08:45,939 - Could I ask you a question? - Sure. 960 01:08:46,024 --> 01:08:48,563 - What happens next? - What do you mean? 961 01:08:48,652 --> 01:08:50,645 I mean to me. 962 01:08:51,781 --> 01:08:56,242 Between being me and becoming you. What happens? 963 01:08:56,328 --> 01:09:00,990 - Do I ever do anything right? - Well, sure you do. You do a lot of things right. 964 01:09:01,083 --> 01:09:03,621 - Like what? - Well... 965 01:09:05,171 --> 01:09:08,088 you make it through grade school alive, barely. 966 01:09:09,258 --> 01:09:12,877 In high school, while you're still a loser... 967 01:09:12,971 --> 01:09:15,213 you're no longer stupid. 968 01:09:15,307 --> 01:09:18,557 You work your butt off and you get good grades. 969 01:09:18,644 --> 01:09:22,345 Very good grades. You end up winning a scholarship to UCLA. 970 01:09:23,482 --> 01:09:26,353 - I'm smart? - Very smart. 971 01:09:26,444 --> 01:09:28,567 But you're still a loser. Hop in. 972 01:09:35,162 --> 01:09:37,784 Scoot over. 973 01:09:37,873 --> 01:09:41,457 In college, things start to get a little bit better. 974 01:09:41,544 --> 01:09:45,791 You join the track team, find a speech therapist... 975 01:09:45,882 --> 01:09:47,958 you continue to work your butt off... 976 01:09:48,051 --> 01:09:50,721 and you graduate at the top of your class. 977 01:09:50,804 --> 01:09:53,509 You eventually go after a master's degree in business. 978 01:09:53,599 --> 01:09:56,007 Where I work my butt off. 979 01:09:56,102 --> 01:09:58,723 Story of your life, kid. 980 01:09:58,813 --> 01:10:02,348 The good news is that, while you are currently a pathetic dweeb... 981 01:10:02,442 --> 01:10:04,435 eventually you grow up to be me... 982 01:10:04,528 --> 01:10:07,101 a high-powered, affluent chick magnet. 983 01:10:07,197 --> 01:10:09,190 Who doesn't have a dog or a chick. 984 01:10:11,160 --> 01:10:14,743 Is that how you see me? A dogless, chickless guy? 985 01:10:14,831 --> 01:10:18,034 - With a twitch. - Right. 986 01:10:18,126 --> 01:10:22,171 - When do I get that? - I forget. 987 01:10:22,256 --> 01:10:24,498 - When do I learn how to drive? - When you're 16. 988 01:10:24,592 --> 01:10:26,750 - When do I get a car? - When you're 18. 989 01:10:26,844 --> 01:10:28,636 When do I get a hickey? 990 01:10:29,681 --> 01:10:32,848 - When you're 17. - When do I find out what a hickey is? 991 01:10:34,394 --> 01:10:36,470 Not tonight. 992 01:10:41,318 --> 01:10:43,892 Russ? 993 01:10:43,988 --> 01:10:47,689 - Yeah, kid. - I get what you do now. 994 01:10:47,784 --> 01:10:50,240 I mean, I get what I do. 995 01:10:50,328 --> 01:10:52,405 When I grow up, for a living. 996 01:10:52,497 --> 01:10:55,914 - I figured out how to explain. - Let me hear it. 997 01:10:56,001 --> 01:10:59,003 You help people lie about who they really are... 998 01:10:59,088 --> 01:11:02,540 so that they can pretend to be someone else, right? 999 01:11:05,345 --> 01:11:06,756 Yeah. 1000 01:11:07,723 --> 01:11:10,759 See? That's not hard to explain. 1001 01:11:12,102 --> 01:11:13,680 That's pretty good. 1002 01:11:14,814 --> 01:11:18,100 - Good night, buddy. - Good night, kid. 1003 01:11:26,118 --> 01:11:30,615 This is ABC-7 Los Angeles. Now. Eyewitness News. 1004 01:11:30,706 --> 01:11:33,957 Good evening. Everyone. And welcome. I'm Harold Greene. 1005 01:11:34,043 --> 01:11:36,083 Good evening. Y'all. I'm Deirdre Lafever. 1006 01:11:36,171 --> 01:11:40,963 Tonight's top story: Another high-speed chase on a Los Angeles freeway... 1007 01:11:41,051 --> 01:11:44,503 this time involving a mother of eight in a stolen minivan. 1008 01:11:44,597 --> 01:11:47,966 The chase started about 8:30 this evening when police first no... 1009 01:11:50,311 --> 01:11:53,016 I know. Thanks, Don. See you tomorrow. 1010 01:11:54,149 --> 01:11:56,307 I heard the "y'all." 1011 01:11:57,444 --> 01:11:58,939 It works. 1012 01:12:03,034 --> 01:12:04,825 Well, it's Mr Image Consultant. 1013 01:12:06,496 --> 01:12:08,987 So, what do you think? 1014 01:12:09,082 --> 01:12:11,241 Don't tell me. My hair's still too big. 1015 01:12:11,335 --> 01:12:13,790 No, it looks good. 1016 01:12:13,879 --> 01:12:17,462 Can I buy you a cup of coffee? Comfort of strangers and all that? 1017 01:12:19,552 --> 01:12:22,090 If what you're telling me is true... 1018 01:12:22,180 --> 01:12:25,680 that has got to be the strangest thing I've ever heard. 1019 01:12:25,767 --> 01:12:27,843 Makes perfect sense to me. 1020 01:12:29,104 --> 01:12:31,560 - It does? - Why wouldn't your 8-year-old self... 1021 01:12:31,649 --> 01:12:33,309 time travel here to give you a hand? 1022 01:12:33,401 --> 01:12:37,066 I mean, you're obviously in trouble. It'd straighten you out. 1023 01:12:37,155 --> 01:12:39,444 You think he's here to straighten me out? 1024 01:12:39,532 --> 01:12:43,400 Well, of course. You didn't think it was the other way around, did you? 1025 01:12:47,750 --> 01:12:51,036 Maybe he's here for you to teach him some things... 1026 01:12:51,128 --> 01:12:54,961 but maybe he's here for you to remember some things. 1027 01:12:55,049 --> 01:12:57,375 Ever thought about that? 1028 01:13:00,222 --> 01:13:02,215 Not till just now. No. 1029 01:13:03,517 --> 01:13:04,893 Darlin', look. 1030 01:13:07,063 --> 01:13:09,732 You're turnin' 40 tomorrow. 1031 01:13:09,816 --> 01:13:14,644 You haven't acquired a single thing of real value in your life. 1032 01:13:14,738 --> 01:13:16,731 - And no, no, money doesn't count. - Hey... 1033 01:13:17,950 --> 01:13:21,864 You're virtually friendless, you barely talk to your family... 1034 01:13:21,954 --> 01:13:25,454 and you've just lost the only woman in the world who's ever meant anything to you. 1035 01:13:25,541 --> 01:13:28,626 Who? Amy? Please. 1036 01:13:28,712 --> 01:13:32,579 Look, she's not the only woman in the world, okay? 1037 01:13:32,674 --> 01:13:34,667 She... She works for me. 1038 01:13:34,760 --> 01:13:37,845 She's neurotic. She bites her nails. 1039 01:13:37,930 --> 01:13:39,970 Nail. 1040 01:13:42,143 --> 01:13:43,935 This one. 1041 01:13:45,856 --> 01:13:47,932 Oh, my God. 1042 01:13:52,446 --> 01:13:57,192 Excuse me. Um, while he's gettin' a clue, could I... could I get a warm-up, please? Thank you. 1043 01:14:00,830 --> 01:14:03,666 Okay. Don't stop. Go on. 1044 01:14:03,750 --> 01:14:07,583 - What's it like? - He keeps asking about his future... 1045 01:14:07,671 --> 01:14:09,296 my past. 1046 01:14:09,382 --> 01:14:11,789 - Haven't really told him much. - Good. 1047 01:14:11,884 --> 01:14:14,007 "Good"? You think that's good? 1048 01:14:15,430 --> 01:14:17,968 Why? What would you do? 1049 01:14:18,058 --> 01:14:20,596 Wh... If little Deirdre was suddenly here... 1050 01:14:20,686 --> 01:14:24,137 burstin' out of her St Mary's uniform, askin' me what comes next? 1051 01:14:24,231 --> 01:14:26,473 Yeah. 1052 01:14:26,567 --> 01:14:31,313 I'd say, "Baby, don't you worry about a thing. 1053 01:14:31,406 --> 01:14:34,027 Everything is just gonna be great." 1054 01:14:36,328 --> 01:14:40,409 I-I mean, how many of us turn out the way we think we will when we're kids, really? 1055 01:14:43,085 --> 01:14:47,499 I-I mean how many of us grow up to be astronauts? 1056 01:14:47,590 --> 01:14:50,675 Or prima ballerinas? 1057 01:14:52,596 --> 01:14:55,846 We just all do the best we can. 1058 01:15:05,777 --> 01:15:08,019 Time for me to take big Deirdre home. 1059 01:15:10,366 --> 01:15:12,857 You know, if you wanna learn about your childhood, seems like you're online... 1060 01:15:12,952 --> 01:15:15,823 with a pretty good source, you know what I mean? 1061 01:15:15,913 --> 01:15:20,375 Yes, I am. Deirdre, thanks for taking the time to help. 1062 01:15:23,213 --> 01:15:25,539 Well, don't ever stop asking for help, Russ. 1063 01:15:27,551 --> 01:15:29,176 You just might get it. 1064 01:15:31,639 --> 01:15:33,715 - Thanks. - You take care. 1065 01:15:36,102 --> 01:15:38,807 Bye, y'all. 1066 01:15:38,897 --> 01:15:41,056 Bye. 1067 01:15:53,288 --> 01:15:56,622 Hi, Janet, it's me. I'm sorry to call so late. 1068 01:15:56,708 --> 01:15:58,832 It's okay. Russ. I think I'll recover. 1069 01:15:58,919 --> 01:16:02,502 I just want you to cancel all my appointments tomorrow and move 'em to Friday. 1070 01:16:02,590 --> 01:16:05,876 -Anything else? - No, that's it. 1071 01:16:05,969 --> 01:16:08,804 - Okay. You've got it. - No, wait. 1072 01:16:08,889 --> 01:16:10,965 There is something else. 1073 01:16:12,267 --> 01:16:15,767 I want you to find out why the full moon looks orange sometimes when it rises. 1074 01:16:17,064 --> 01:16:20,564 - Okay. Sure. - Thanks, Janet. Good night. 1075 01:16:38,671 --> 01:16:42,123 Hey, kid. Rusty. 1076 01:16:44,928 --> 01:16:48,298 - Hi. - Hey. 1077 01:16:50,017 --> 01:16:54,763 Wanna help me with something? I think it might get you back to your time. 1078 01:16:54,856 --> 01:16:57,312 - Sure. - Good. 1079 01:17:00,153 --> 01:17:02,230 Anything about me? 1080 01:17:03,282 --> 01:17:05,358 Yeah. Anything that'll take me back. 1081 01:17:08,079 --> 01:17:10,653 You know how I like to find caterpillars... 1082 01:17:10,748 --> 01:17:12,872 and put 'em in jars and feed 'em... 1083 01:17:14,127 --> 01:17:16,203 and watch 'em make cocoons? 1084 01:17:20,926 --> 01:17:24,510 - No. - And then one day... 1085 01:17:24,597 --> 01:17:27,005 they break out, and it's really cool. 1086 01:17:29,519 --> 01:17:31,761 No. Not a clue. 1087 01:17:31,855 --> 01:17:34,525 But keep goin'. Tell me some more stuff. 1088 01:17:34,608 --> 01:17:37,146 Remember last summer at Josie's birthday party... 1089 01:17:37,236 --> 01:17:40,403 when I got Parmesan cheese stuck up my nose? 1090 01:17:42,450 --> 01:17:45,985 - Got any sixes? - Nope. Go fish. 1091 01:17:47,706 --> 01:17:50,873 - Got any fours? - Negative. Go fish. 1092 01:17:54,714 --> 01:17:56,623 Got any sevens? 1093 01:17:59,052 --> 01:18:01,258 Tell me some more about Dad. 1094 01:18:03,098 --> 01:18:05,091 Sometimes... 1095 01:18:05,184 --> 01:18:07,260 he lets me help him work on the car. 1096 01:18:07,353 --> 01:18:11,481 But if I do something wrong, he yells at me. 1097 01:18:13,192 --> 01:18:15,980 Sometimes he buys me ice cream afterwards. 1098 01:18:16,071 --> 01:18:19,155 But still, I don't like messing up. 1099 01:18:20,367 --> 01:18:23,037 Like last week, I lost a screw. 1100 01:18:24,705 --> 01:18:26,579 I was afraid to tell him. 1101 01:18:28,418 --> 01:18:31,123 I found it later on in my pocket. 1102 01:18:31,212 --> 01:18:33,501 Look, I still have it. 1103 01:18:38,679 --> 01:18:41,431 I'm afraid to give it back to him. 1104 01:18:43,726 --> 01:18:46,348 Got any nines? 1105 01:18:49,357 --> 01:18:51,481 No. 1106 01:18:51,568 --> 01:18:54,688 My homeroom teacher last year was fat Mrs Kinkelman. 1107 01:18:54,780 --> 01:18:57,615 She was so much better than Mr Lupus. 1108 01:18:57,700 --> 01:19:00,072 He had that purple bump on his face. 1109 01:19:00,161 --> 01:19:02,403 I don't remember the bump guy. What grade was that? 1110 01:19:02,497 --> 01:19:04,905 How come you're asking me all this stuff? 1111 01:19:05,000 --> 01:19:06,660 'Cause I'm forgetting something. 1112 01:19:06,752 --> 01:19:09,373 I'm forgetting this one event that meant something to me... 1113 01:19:09,463 --> 01:19:12,464 and if I can remember that one thing, maybe I can get you home. 1114 01:19:12,550 --> 01:19:14,922 Are you sure it's not the purple bump? 1115 01:19:15,011 --> 01:19:17,763 - It's not the bump, kid. - It was a pretty big bump. 1116 01:19:17,847 --> 01:19:19,887 - Tell me more about second grade. - Why? 1117 01:19:19,975 --> 01:19:22,051 Nobody had a bump in second grade. 1118 01:19:24,354 --> 01:19:27,521 My best friend was Tim Wheaton, until a few months ago. 1119 01:19:27,608 --> 01:19:29,565 Remember him? 1120 01:19:29,652 --> 01:19:33,152 - No, I don't. - His house smells like fish sticks. 1121 01:19:34,240 --> 01:19:36,233 - No. - Well, he was my best friend... 1122 01:19:36,326 --> 01:19:38,782 until he started hanging out with Vince... 1123 01:19:38,870 --> 01:19:41,492 and these other creepy guys. 1124 01:19:41,582 --> 01:19:44,998 He threw a rock at me, and we haven't been friends since then. 1125 01:19:45,086 --> 01:19:48,419 - He threw a rock at us? - Oh, yeah. 1126 01:19:48,506 --> 01:19:50,997 - Why? What happened? - Oh, those guys get together... 1127 01:19:51,092 --> 01:19:53,666 every recess in the corner of the playground yard... 1128 01:19:53,762 --> 01:19:55,802 where they like to pick on kids. 1129 01:19:57,349 --> 01:19:59,306 Back behind the kindergarten. 1130 01:20:00,394 --> 01:20:02,850 Yeah. Where the yard monitor can't see you! 1131 01:20:02,939 --> 01:20:05,430 - Where that big sliding board is? - Yeah, the really huge one! 1132 01:20:05,525 --> 01:20:07,814 - You remember it! - Go on. Don't stop. 1133 01:20:07,902 --> 01:20:10,608 There's four of them, and if they don't like you... 1134 01:20:10,697 --> 01:20:13,153 they make your life a nightmare! 1135 01:20:20,333 --> 01:20:23,833 And the worst thing about them is they're really mean to animals. 1136 01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:26,127 Especially this one three-legged dog. 1137 01:20:28,592 --> 01:20:30,336 Tripod! 1138 01:20:30,427 --> 01:20:32,919 Tripod! The dog's name is Tripod! 1139 01:20:33,014 --> 01:20:36,217 I know the dog's name! I know everything, kid. 1140 01:20:36,309 --> 01:20:38,302 I know why you're here! This is the event! 1141 01:20:38,394 --> 01:20:40,553 Vince Kajinski, the fight! It's the fight! 1142 01:20:40,647 --> 01:20:44,645 It was my eighth birthday. It was 32 years ago. 1143 01:20:44,735 --> 01:20:47,273 Today! Ha-ha-ha! 1144 01:20:54,245 --> 01:20:56,997 Holy smokes. 1145 01:20:59,042 --> 01:21:01,284 Look at the car! 1146 01:21:03,005 --> 01:21:05,330 Look at your clothes! 1147 01:21:08,428 --> 01:21:10,420 Holy smokes. 1148 01:21:11,598 --> 01:21:14,136 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1149 01:21:14,226 --> 01:21:18,390 - We did it, kid! - Am I home? Is it really 1968? 1150 01:21:23,361 --> 01:21:25,769 No doubt about it, kid. What time's recess? 1151 01:21:25,864 --> 01:21:28,781 - 10:30. - Hang on, kid. 1152 01:21:28,867 --> 01:21:31,738 We've got 15 minutes to change our life. 1153 01:21:31,828 --> 01:21:33,868 Okay, now listen. This is gonna happen real fast... 1154 01:21:33,956 --> 01:21:35,830 so you gotta remember what Kenny told you, all right? 1155 01:21:35,916 --> 01:21:39,831 - One, two, one, two. - One, two... - Keep your head down, keep swingin'. 1156 01:21:49,765 --> 01:21:53,680 Look, look, look! There's the really big slide, remember? 1157 01:21:55,980 --> 01:21:58,934 It used to be a lot bigger. 1158 01:21:59,025 --> 01:22:00,769 Here's what I remember: 1159 01:22:00,861 --> 01:22:04,859 Some really bad guys tie up that three-legged dog, Tripod. 1160 01:22:04,948 --> 01:22:06,906 When you try to stop 'em, you get really thrashed. 1161 01:22:06,992 --> 01:22:09,365 Oh, no. Do I save him? 1162 01:22:09,453 --> 01:22:12,241 No. You go down after only one punch... 1163 01:22:12,332 --> 01:22:14,408 thereby solidifying your reputation as a loser... 1164 01:22:14,501 --> 01:22:17,074 for the next eight years, all the way through high school... 1165 01:22:17,170 --> 01:22:19,377 and ruining our life from that moment on. 1166 01:22:19,464 --> 01:22:21,920 Oh, holy smokes. 1167 01:22:22,009 --> 01:22:25,793 Any second now, Vince Kajinski and his cohorts are gonna come around that corner. 1168 01:22:27,014 --> 01:22:29,802 - Look. There they are. - Hey, boo! 1169 01:22:31,436 --> 01:22:34,141 They're gonna say something to you to get you to come over there. 1170 01:22:34,231 --> 01:22:37,018 Once you get back there, they have Tripod tied up. 1171 01:22:38,652 --> 01:22:42,271 - Any questions? - Yeah. What's a cohort? 1172 01:22:43,533 --> 01:22:45,490 Hey, Rusty, come over here. 1173 01:22:45,577 --> 01:22:49,028 It's your birthday, right? We got a present for you. 1174 01:22:49,122 --> 01:22:52,990 Look, kid. You don't have to do this at all. 1175 01:22:53,085 --> 01:22:56,834 - You don't have to fight today. - Come on. Hurry up! 1176 01:23:00,343 --> 01:23:03,712 No. If I don't go against them today... 1177 01:23:03,805 --> 01:23:06,723 I'll have to fight tomorrow or the next day... 1178 01:23:06,808 --> 01:23:09,382 and today, you're here with me. 1179 01:23:09,478 --> 01:23:13,061 That's right. I'm here with you today. 1180 01:23:14,901 --> 01:23:16,940 I can do this. 1181 01:23:18,154 --> 01:23:20,728 You can do it. Don't be afraid. 1182 01:23:20,824 --> 01:23:22,817 Here I come! 1183 01:23:24,411 --> 01:23:26,404 I'll be right here. 1184 01:23:36,132 --> 01:23:37,543 What took you so long? 1185 01:23:37,634 --> 01:23:40,125 - Come on, Rusty. - I just saw it... 1186 01:23:40,220 --> 01:23:42,676 - Yeah, hurry up. - A big surprise. 1187 01:23:42,765 --> 01:23:45,256 It's really far out. 1188 01:24:04,288 --> 01:24:06,910 Come on, man. It'll be great. Why don't you go? 1189 01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:10,535 - Yeah. - It'll be fun. There's your present. - Cool, huh? 1190 01:24:13,090 --> 01:24:15,877 - What are you doing? - This stinkin', three-legged dog is worthless. 1191 01:24:15,968 --> 01:24:18,969 We'll see him run. Light the firecrackers. 1192 01:24:19,055 --> 01:24:23,005 Let the dog go. You guys are dirtbags. 1193 01:24:23,101 --> 01:24:26,601 - What did you call us? - Dirtbags! 1194 01:24:26,688 --> 01:24:29,358 - Good shot. - Look at flabby. - We rule. 1195 01:24:29,441 --> 01:24:32,146 What a dope. 1196 01:24:32,236 --> 01:24:35,321 - That was far out. - Right on. - Yeah, right on. 1197 01:24:35,406 --> 01:24:37,198 - We rule. - Wait, Vince. 1198 01:24:37,283 --> 01:24:39,241 Turn around. 1199 01:24:40,704 --> 01:24:44,287 Oh, that's how it's gonna be. 1200 01:24:44,374 --> 01:24:46,913 - Come on, Vince. Get him! - Stop it! 1201 01:24:49,046 --> 01:24:51,004 Come on! 1202 01:24:51,090 --> 01:24:54,210 - Get him! - Come on! Get him! 1203 01:24:56,513 --> 01:24:59,004 - Up against the wall! - Come on, Vince! 1204 01:24:59,099 --> 01:25:01,590 - Stop! - Come on, wimp! 1205 01:25:01,685 --> 01:25:04,437 Are you gonna cry? 1206 01:25:04,522 --> 01:25:07,606 - One, two. - Gonna run to your mom? - One, two. 1207 01:25:07,692 --> 01:25:09,981 One, two! 1208 01:25:12,030 --> 01:25:14,604 - Say uncle! Say uncle! - No. 1209 01:25:14,700 --> 01:25:16,942 - Apologize! - No. 1210 01:25:17,035 --> 01:25:19,278 Say uncle! Apologize! 1211 01:25:19,371 --> 01:25:21,115 Uncle. I'm sorry. 1212 01:25:27,422 --> 01:25:29,415 Yes! You won. 1213 01:25:29,508 --> 01:25:33,007 - Holy smokes! You did it! - Yabba-dabba-doo! 1214 01:25:33,095 --> 01:25:35,088 Ha-ha! Yabba-dabba-doo is right. 1215 01:25:35,181 --> 01:25:38,348 - You won the fight. You really did it. You won the fight. - I did it. I did it! 1216 01:25:38,434 --> 01:25:40,842 That's all! I did what I had to do. 1217 01:25:40,937 --> 01:25:42,930 Everything's gonna be different now. 1218 01:25:44,190 --> 01:25:45,934 Yeah, I guess so. 1219 01:25:46,026 --> 01:25:49,276 Over. That is all. Yes. 1220 01:25:51,323 --> 01:25:53,031 That's all, right? 1221 01:25:56,245 --> 01:25:58,737 - Oh, no. - What? 1222 01:26:01,042 --> 01:26:02,703 It's not over. 1223 01:26:03,545 --> 01:26:06,463 This gets worse, kid. Much worse. 1224 01:26:06,548 --> 01:26:08,921 What are you talking about? I won the fight. 1225 01:26:09,010 --> 01:26:11,631 It wasn't the fight. That wasn't it. 1226 01:26:16,268 --> 01:26:18,260 It's not over. 1227 01:26:22,775 --> 01:26:24,768 Ice on the eye, son. 1228 01:26:28,531 --> 01:26:31,449 Mr Branch, I put all the reports on your desk. 1229 01:26:41,212 --> 01:26:43,999 Mom. I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry. 1230 01:26:44,090 --> 01:26:47,874 Oh, it's okay. It's okay. 1231 01:26:47,969 --> 01:26:50,507 I'm sorry you had to come in, Mrs Duritz. 1232 01:26:50,597 --> 01:26:53,385 We all know you haven't been well. 1233 01:26:53,475 --> 01:26:58,304 Please, don't punish him, Mr Branch. 1234 01:26:58,397 --> 01:27:00,390 It's his birthday today. 1235 01:27:08,992 --> 01:27:11,828 - Mom, Daddy's home. - Daddy? 1236 01:27:11,912 --> 01:27:13,490 Gloria. 1237 01:27:13,581 --> 01:27:16,155 What are you doing? Are you out of your mind? 1238 01:27:16,250 --> 01:27:18,042 - I'm fine. - Come on, dear. - I'm fine. 1239 01:27:18,128 --> 01:27:21,082 Shh, shh, shh. Get you inside. 1240 01:27:21,173 --> 01:27:23,878 You stay there! 1241 01:27:23,967 --> 01:27:26,838 Please don't scare him. He's had a hard day. 1242 01:27:26,929 --> 01:27:30,096 Gloria, the doctor said you weren't to leave the house. 1243 01:27:42,363 --> 01:27:44,854 - What is the matter with you? - I'm sorry. 1244 01:27:44,949 --> 01:27:48,532 How could you do this to your mother? What are you trying to do, kill her faster? 1245 01:27:48,620 --> 01:27:51,407 - What? - We're gonna lose her. 1246 01:27:51,498 --> 01:27:55,626 God, and you pull some stunt like you did today. You're killing her! 1247 01:27:55,711 --> 01:27:58,380 I found the screw, Dad. The screw. 1248 01:27:58,464 --> 01:28:01,465 - Stop cryin'. - Here's the screw, Dad. 1249 01:28:01,550 --> 01:28:04,256 Look! Here it is. Here it is. I found it. 1250 01:28:04,345 --> 01:28:07,465 - Just stop cryin'. - Please, Dad, look at the screw. 1251 01:28:07,557 --> 01:28:10,179 - Here it is. - Stop crying! 1252 01:28:10,268 --> 01:28:12,510 Stop. 1253 01:28:12,604 --> 01:28:15,559 You gotta grow up, now. 1254 01:28:15,649 --> 01:28:17,642 Do you understand? 1255 01:28:17,735 --> 01:28:20,689 - Yes, sir. - Grow up. Grow up! 1256 01:28:45,057 --> 01:28:47,631 Mom's dying. 1257 01:28:49,353 --> 01:28:52,520 - I know. - Soon? 1258 01:28:53,775 --> 01:28:56,444 Yeah. 1259 01:28:56,528 --> 01:28:58,271 Before your next birthday. 1260 01:28:58,363 --> 01:29:00,107 Did I do it? 1261 01:29:03,452 --> 01:29:06,122 No. 1262 01:29:06,205 --> 01:29:08,198 No, you didn't do it. 1263 01:29:10,960 --> 01:29:13,630 It's not your fault. 1264 01:29:13,713 --> 01:29:16,549 Dad was just saying those things because he's scared. 1265 01:29:18,761 --> 01:29:21,845 'Cause he knows that he has to raise you alone, and he doesn't know how to do it. 1266 01:29:25,685 --> 01:29:27,974 I thought you never cried. 1267 01:29:31,441 --> 01:29:33,481 Not since my eighth birthday. 1268 01:29:35,154 --> 01:29:37,775 Guess I'm starting up again. 1269 01:29:37,865 --> 01:29:41,484 - How come? - 'Cause I just figured out where I got that twitch from. 1270 01:29:42,620 --> 01:29:44,779 Somebody call the "waaambulance." 1271 01:29:46,124 --> 01:29:49,375 Yeah. Yeah. 1272 01:29:49,461 --> 01:29:51,501 Gonna need 'em now, huh? 1273 01:29:57,178 --> 01:29:59,930 Come on. You wanna get outta here? 1274 01:30:01,475 --> 01:30:03,514 Let's go. 1275 01:30:07,857 --> 01:30:09,849 Let's go get something to eat. 1276 01:30:09,942 --> 01:30:13,146 Okay. But I'm eating whatever I want. 1277 01:30:17,909 --> 01:30:20,579 This is disgusting. Let me have some of yours. 1278 01:30:20,662 --> 01:30:21,943 - Hey! - Hey! 1279 01:30:24,083 --> 01:30:26,788 - You don't seem all that mad. - About what? 1280 01:30:28,004 --> 01:30:30,080 That we didn't change anything. 1281 01:30:30,173 --> 01:30:32,747 Like the fact that we're still gonna have to fight Vince Kajinski... 1282 01:30:32,843 --> 01:30:34,716 every week all through grade school? 1283 01:30:35,846 --> 01:30:38,171 - Yeah. - And we'll still be ugly through high school? 1284 01:30:38,265 --> 01:30:40,591 - But not stupid. - Not stupid. 1285 01:30:41,978 --> 01:30:44,136 And that we spend our college years... 1286 01:30:44,230 --> 01:30:47,516 as a chickless, dogless jerk with a twitch? 1287 01:30:47,609 --> 01:30:50,230 And still not have a family when we're 40? 1288 01:30:53,240 --> 01:30:54,699 Yeah. 1289 01:30:55,951 --> 01:30:58,075 What's done is done. 1290 01:30:59,205 --> 01:31:01,114 Yeah. 1291 01:31:02,917 --> 01:31:07,746 But, hey, this is our birthday. Okay? 1292 01:31:08,674 --> 01:31:11,343 Happy birthday, kid. Cheers, kid. 1293 01:31:19,227 --> 01:31:21,469 Hello, boy. How are you doin'? 1294 01:31:21,563 --> 01:31:23,852 - Who are you? - Chester, come on, boy. 1295 01:31:33,243 --> 01:31:37,739 Did you hear what he just called his dog? 1296 01:31:37,831 --> 01:31:39,456 Chester. 1297 01:31:52,806 --> 01:31:54,633 Can that... 1298 01:31:55,767 --> 01:31:58,140 be that? 1299 01:31:58,228 --> 01:32:02,096 - No way. - Can't be. 1300 01:32:06,738 --> 01:32:09,229 Here you go. 1301 01:32:31,599 --> 01:32:34,516 You like the old plane? 1302 01:32:37,188 --> 01:32:39,514 Uh-huh. 1303 01:32:40,859 --> 01:32:42,650 Yeah. 1304 01:32:43,779 --> 01:32:45,772 You did all this. 1305 01:32:47,783 --> 01:32:49,776 You put that plane on my doorstep. 1306 01:32:49,869 --> 01:32:54,282 Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was a particularly nice touch. 1307 01:32:55,875 --> 01:32:58,331 Yeah. It was. 1308 01:32:58,420 --> 01:33:01,207 I bet you got a lot of questions. 1309 01:33:03,008 --> 01:33:05,844 - Yeah. - Well, I wouldn't worry about it. 1310 01:33:05,928 --> 01:33:09,262 You got 30 years to figure 'em out. 1311 01:33:09,349 --> 01:33:12,469 Right now I gotta go. Family's waitin'. 1312 01:33:36,420 --> 01:33:38,793 It was especially nice seeing you again. 1313 01:33:41,426 --> 01:33:44,961 - I'll see you. - See ya. 1314 01:33:47,683 --> 01:33:49,676 Bye. 1315 01:33:54,357 --> 01:33:56,848 Holy smokes. 1316 01:34:12,251 --> 01:34:14,624 We did it. 1317 01:34:21,387 --> 01:34:24,056 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1318 01:34:24,140 --> 01:34:26,263 - We did it! - We did it! 1319 01:34:26,350 --> 01:34:28,509 Yeah-ho-ho! 1320 01:34:28,603 --> 01:34:31,640 - I'm okay! We're okay! - We're okay! 1321 01:34:31,731 --> 01:34:34,139 We're okay! 1322 01:34:34,234 --> 01:34:36,357 - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. 1323 01:34:36,445 --> 01:34:39,363 - No, you're a pilot. - I'm a pilot. - We grow up to be pilots! 1324 01:34:39,448 --> 01:34:42,403 We grow up to be pilots! Hey! 1325 01:34:42,493 --> 01:34:44,901 - Did you see our dog? - What's his name? - Chester. 1326 01:34:44,996 --> 01:34:48,579 - Chester, the world's greatest dog! - The world's greatest dog! 1327 01:34:48,667 --> 01:34:52,118 Yes! Hoo-Ha, Hoo-Ha... One, right, left, left... 1328 01:34:52,212 --> 01:34:54,538 - Did you see our family? - Yeah. 1329 01:34:55,674 --> 01:34:57,667 Wild. 1330 01:34:59,053 --> 01:35:01,260 That old lady looked familiar. 1331 01:35:02,390 --> 01:35:05,345 Yeah. I thought so too. 1332 01:35:18,116 --> 01:35:21,366 - Look at us go. - Yeah. 1333 01:35:21,453 --> 01:35:23,280 Look at us go. 1334 01:35:28,628 --> 01:35:33,124 I am not a loser! 1335 01:35:47,315 --> 01:35:49,308 Look at us go. 1336 01:35:53,947 --> 01:35:55,940 Kid? 1337 01:36:08,255 --> 01:36:10,247 Bye, kid. 1338 01:36:17,098 --> 01:36:19,091 Thanks. 1339 01:36:39,289 --> 01:36:41,958 Hello? 1340 01:36:42,042 --> 01:36:43,750 I'm here. 1341 01:36:45,754 --> 01:36:48,328 Russ? 1342 01:36:48,424 --> 01:36:52,007 - Russ? - Hi, Janet. I'm back here. I'll be out in a second. 1343 01:36:52,095 --> 01:36:55,345 Hey, a couple of questions. Why am I not at the office? 1344 01:36:55,432 --> 01:36:57,425 Why are you not at the office? 1345 01:36:57,517 --> 01:36:59,925 - And where have you been? - Did you call my dad? 1346 01:37:00,020 --> 01:37:02,690 Yes, I told him you'd be there Sunday to help him move. 1347 01:37:02,773 --> 01:37:06,024 He almost had a heart attack, if that was your intention. 1348 01:37:06,110 --> 01:37:08,068 What about the plane tickets to Hawaii? 1349 01:37:08,154 --> 01:37:11,440 I booked 'em. Two first-class seats. You leave at 2:00. 1350 01:37:14,536 --> 01:37:17,241 Thank you. Got a pen? 1351 01:37:17,331 --> 01:37:21,376 Change these names on here. Use my credit card. 1352 01:37:27,592 --> 01:37:30,510 Russ! Ha-ha-ha! 1353 01:37:30,596 --> 01:37:33,513 - I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. - Aloha, Janet. 1354 01:37:33,599 --> 01:37:37,893 I love Hawaii. I love Hawaii! 1355 01:38:42,967 --> 01:38:45,803 Do you want to come in? 1356 01:38:45,887 --> 01:38:47,880 Yes.