1
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:45,902
Ha, ha, ha.
Home sweet home.
2
00:00:47,904 --> 00:00:49,863
Thanks, Cochise.
3
00:01:09,048 --> 00:01:12,592
No, you fucking idiot! I've worked
at a restaurant my whole life.
4
00:01:23,936 --> 00:01:25,853
Shit! It gonna be
that kind of a party,
5
00:01:25,938 --> 00:01:28,231
I'm gonna stick my dick
in the mashed potatoes!
6
00:01:36,614 --> 00:01:40,200
- Guess who. Hi, Dean. It's Mom.
- Ah, shit.
7
00:01:40,284 --> 00:01:42,077
I know you're not gonna
forget lunch with me,
8
00:01:42,161 --> 00:01:45,247
but I thought I'd call
just to make sure.
9
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:48,499
Oh, hey.
10
00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:50,751
I forgot you were here.
11
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:53,462
Yeah, I know. I know.
12
00:01:53,587 --> 00:01:57,882
- What?
- Nothing.
13
00:01:58,884 --> 00:02:01,177
I'll see you at work, okay?
14
00:03:11,617 --> 00:03:14,994
Hey, there, Natasha.
How's my favorite minor doing today?
15
00:03:15,077 --> 00:03:18,121
Hung over.
I got so shitty last night.
16
00:03:18,206 --> 00:03:21,583
On a school night?
Kids today.
17
00:03:21,709 --> 00:03:25,295
I must say, there's nothing more attractive
than tainted youth.
18
00:03:26,213 --> 00:03:29,173
Yes. I am indeed a pervert.
19
00:03:29,257 --> 00:03:31,425
- Does that offend you?
- Nope.
20
00:03:31,551 --> 00:03:33,844
I think that most tainted youths
end up being perverts.
21
00:03:34,762 --> 00:03:36,930
Good answer.
22
00:03:40,059 --> 00:03:42,560
Oh, and Monty,
just so you know,
23
00:03:42,645 --> 00:03:44,354
I'm only a minor
for another week.
24
00:03:44,438 --> 00:03:46,314
I turn 18 on Wednesday.
25
00:03:46,397 --> 00:03:49,650
Well, then I guess I better hurry up then.
I don't have much time.
26
00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:55,531
- Hey, Dan.
- Hey, Monty.
27
00:03:55,614 --> 00:03:58,574
- How you doing?
- Good. This is Mitch. It's his first day.
28
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:01,744
I want you to show him around.
Train him on everything while it's slow,
29
00:04:01,870 --> 00:04:05,498
and when the dinner rush hits,
we'll have him watch the training videos.
30
00:04:05,581 --> 00:04:08,291
Mitch, just listen to
what Monty says today,
31
00:04:08,417 --> 00:04:10,210
and we'll have you out
on the floor by early next week.
32
00:04:10,294 --> 00:04:11,878
- Sound good?
- Yeah.
33
00:04:11,963 --> 00:04:14,297
All right then. Give him a quick tour
before your shift starts.
34
00:04:14,424 --> 00:04:15,966
Good stuff.
35
00:04:18,802 --> 00:04:22,263
Well, Mitch, first thing.
You ever worked in a restaurant before?
36
00:04:22,389 --> 00:04:25,391
- Actually, yeah...
- Well, it doesn't really matter anyway.
37
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,392
Working in a restaurant's
all about learning a routine.
38
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:30,728
Everything that Dan wants me
to show you, teach you,
39
00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:32,230
all that can be learned
in a few hours.
40
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,357
But...
41
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:37,193
if you wanna work here,
42
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,863
in this restaurant,
43
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,865
I really think that
you need to ask yourself
44
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,993
one simple question.
45
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:51,956
How do you feel about
frontal male nudity?
46
00:05:04,927 --> 00:05:07,095
- What the heck...
- Pretty fucked up, huh?
47
00:05:07,179 --> 00:05:10,431
You see, the reason that I ask
is most of the guys that work here
48
00:05:10,557 --> 00:05:14,477
like to play this little game that involves
flashing their genitalia to each other.
49
00:05:14,603 --> 00:05:16,645
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.
50
00:05:16,771 --> 00:05:18,605
Now, the exact object
of the game
51
00:05:18,689 --> 00:05:22,817
is to get the other participants to unknowingly
look at your testicles and/or penis.
52
00:05:22,943 --> 00:05:25,695
And if they do, you ridicule them mercilessly
for being a fag
53
00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:27,946
and get to kick them
in the ass.
54
00:05:28,031 --> 00:05:29,865
- But that's...
- I know. I know.
55
00:05:29,991 --> 00:05:34,328
It's demented, depraved,
senseless.
56
00:05:34,412 --> 00:05:36,497
All true.
57
00:05:36,622 --> 00:05:40,124
Now there are rules to the game...
different variations on how to show your dick
58
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,210
and/or balls which allow for more kicks.
59
00:05:42,336 --> 00:05:44,170
But we're gonna get
into that later.
60
00:05:44,296 --> 00:05:47,673
Right now, the first thing
that you have to do
61
00:05:47,757 --> 00:05:52,260
is look deep inside yourself and figure out
if you can take an eyeful of that.
62
00:05:56,473 --> 00:06:00,726
So are you taking any interesting classes
this semester?
63
00:06:00,852 --> 00:06:02,353
Well, yeah.
I'm only taking the two classes,
64
00:06:02,479 --> 00:06:04,105
but I like 'em both.
65
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:06,232
I really like my teachers.
Cool guys.
66
00:06:06,357 --> 00:06:08,149
Both have mustaches,
which is a little weird.
67
00:06:08,275 --> 00:06:10,318
- Well, that's just terrific.
- Yeah.
68
00:06:10,402 --> 00:06:14,072
- Guess who I ran into yesterday?
- Who's that?
69
00:06:14,198 --> 00:06:17,826
Nancy Miller and her son Chet.
You remember Chet Miller, don't you?
70
00:06:17,951 --> 00:06:20,911
Oh, yeah.
I remember Chet. Yeah.
71
00:06:21,037 --> 00:06:24,373
- I haven't seen that guy since high school.
- Well, he was away at college.
72
00:06:24,499 --> 00:06:26,458
Right.
73
00:06:26,542 --> 00:06:30,044
Didn't you two have all the same
honors classes together?
74
00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:32,463
Yeah, we sure did.
75
00:06:32,548 --> 00:06:36,175
- Yeah, it sounds like he's doing really well.
- I'll bet.
76
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:40,429
Seems he just graduated with
a bachelor's degree in electrical engineering.
77
00:06:40,555 --> 00:06:43,890
Wow. His parents must
really be proud, huh?
78
00:06:47,018 --> 00:06:49,270
Well, I'm gonna go.
Always love these get-togethers.
79
00:06:49,396 --> 00:06:52,356
I think we really
broke through there.
80
00:06:53,233 --> 00:06:58,028
Let me tell you something.
My trainer, that bastard,
81
00:06:58,112 --> 00:07:00,822
he didn't prewarn me at all.
82
00:07:00,906 --> 00:07:03,450
He set me up big time.
83
00:07:07,871 --> 00:07:11,415
- Right around that corner.
- Okay.
84
00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:16,128
Look at the log, bitch.
85
00:07:20,257 --> 00:07:22,592
There are few things
in this world more unsettling
86
00:07:22,718 --> 00:07:24,719
than going into the back
to grab condiments,
87
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:29,390
and ending up staring
at a huge, steaming pile of cock.
88
00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:52,243
Hey, Serena.
89
00:07:53,788 --> 00:07:56,206
- Hey, babe.
- What's up, Hangover?
90
00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:57,707
I'm not hung over.
91
00:07:57,791 --> 00:08:00,667
- Oh, you and Monty were crazy last night.
- Yeah, it was cool.
92
00:08:00,794 --> 00:08:02,461
How about you?
You have a good time?
93
00:08:02,587 --> 00:08:06,590
I would've had a better time if somebody
hadn't been ignoring me all night.
94
00:08:06,674 --> 00:08:07,841
Was that me?
95
00:08:07,966 --> 00:08:10,301
Think Monty and I got
a little carried away.
96
00:08:10,427 --> 00:08:13,429
- Oh, I swear, when you two are together.
- You're perverts! All of you.
97
00:08:13,555 --> 00:08:17,433
If you guys can go five minutes without
referencing your genitals, I'll be amazed.
98
00:08:17,517 --> 00:08:19,851
I know what you're thinking now.
99
00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:22,062
You think we're all gay, don't you?
100
00:08:22,146 --> 00:08:24,898
Think we're all just a bunch
of deviant lifestyle-living,
101
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:27,442
same-sex having motherfuckers,
am I right?
102
00:08:27,526 --> 00:08:29,151
Yeah.
103
00:08:29,277 --> 00:08:32,571
Well, listen. You can put that faggoty baby
to bed right now.
104
00:08:32,656 --> 00:08:35,116
None of the guys
that work here are gay.
105
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:39,453
I mean, I'll stick my finger in my ass every
now and again when I'm feeling squirrelly,
106
00:08:39,537 --> 00:08:41,621
but that's about
the extent of it.
107
00:08:43,207 --> 00:08:45,333
It's absolutely true.
I've seen him do it.
108
00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:47,210
See what I mean?
Perverts.
109
00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:49,378
Hey, I've seen you use
more than a finger.
110
00:08:49,504 --> 00:08:51,130
- Oh!
- Bye, babe.
111
00:08:53,591 --> 00:08:56,260
- What's up, buddy?
- Nothin', man. What's going on?
112
00:08:58,178 --> 00:09:00,221
What? What?
113
00:09:02,850 --> 00:09:05,518
- What's wrong?
- I'll tell you later.
114
00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:09,689
Listen, man. You got nothing
to worry about. It's just a game.
115
00:09:09,814 --> 00:09:12,399
- Exactly.
- And besides, you know,
116
00:09:12,525 --> 00:09:15,235
if heterosexual men can't show
their cocks to each other,
117
00:09:15,361 --> 00:09:17,946
- then what the hell are we doing here?
- Amen, brother.
118
00:09:18,739 --> 00:09:20,906
You're adorable.
119
00:09:26,037 --> 00:09:29,123
Hey, Bishop.
This is Mitch.
120
00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:30,749
He's the new guy.
121
00:09:44,054 --> 00:09:46,346
I want you to do
a couple things for me.
122
00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:53,352
First, I want you to observe very closely
your surroundings today.
123
00:09:53,479 --> 00:09:56,022
Take everything in.
124
00:09:56,106 --> 00:09:59,233
Leave no mental stone unturned.
125
00:09:59,358 --> 00:10:01,318
Can you do that for me, Mitch?
126
00:10:02,945 --> 00:10:04,404
Good.
127
00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:07,240
Then I want you think about
128
00:10:07,366 --> 00:10:11,036
what your life would be like
if you had been born blind.
129
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:16,707
Thanks, Bishop.
130
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:19,460
Go. Go, go, go, go, go.
131
00:10:21,962 --> 00:10:24,130
As you can see,
this is a wait station.
132
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,466
This is where you're gonna get the ice,
the soft drinks, the condiments,
133
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,426
the doggie bags,
et cetera and so forth.
134
00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:31,470
That's the computer where you're gonna put
the food and drink orders in.
135
00:10:31,596 --> 00:10:33,806
I hate this fucking place
sometimes, you know.
136
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:37,059
Why the fuck do we need four more people
on at this time of day, man?
137
00:10:37,185 --> 00:10:38,977
Look at this place!
It's fucking dead.
138
00:10:39,103 --> 00:10:43,231
I swear, Dan needs to clean the shit
out of his fucking brain sometimes, man.
139
00:10:43,315 --> 00:10:47,819
Fucking asshole.
What are you looking at, fuckwad?
140
00:10:47,945 --> 00:10:52,240
That's Naomi. And she's been
working here way too long.
141
00:10:52,323 --> 00:10:55,784
But she's actually a pretty sweet girl
when she's drunk. Let's go.
142
00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:59,079
Come on, baby.
It's nothin' like that.
143
00:10:59,162 --> 00:11:02,123
It's true. You just treat me
like a piece of meat.
144
00:11:02,207 --> 00:11:05,918
Not just any piece of meat, baby.
A prime rib.
145
00:11:06,002 --> 00:11:10,005
- Really?
- Uh-huh. Baby, you're oozin' with sexuality.
146
00:11:10,131 --> 00:11:12,340
Yeah, but why does it always
have to be about my looks?
147
00:11:12,466 --> 00:11:15,009
Just 'cause I dress slutty
doesn't mean I am slutty.
148
00:11:15,136 --> 00:11:19,431
Okay. This is for deliveries.
There's the Dumpster for the trash.
149
00:11:19,514 --> 00:11:22,391
Also, if you wanna get out of the restaurant
and chill out, here you go.
150
00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:26,395
And these two fun-Ioving pieces of wannabe
gangster shit are Nick and Theodore.
151
00:11:26,479 --> 00:11:29,773
How many fucking times I told you, man?
It's the fucking T-dog, yo.
152
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,691
- Sorry, G.
- Hey, yo, bitch.
153
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,027
What makes you think
I won't cut you?
154
00:11:35,154 --> 00:11:37,321
Aw. Come on, now, dog.
155
00:11:37,448 --> 00:11:39,574
You know I'm just fucking with you.
156
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:43,618
You know I give you the mad,
phat, superfly, stupid-dope,
157
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:46,163
dumb-ass, retarded,
bomb-shit props.
158
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:48,540
Yo, it's almost 4:20, dog.
Let's go.
159
00:11:52,544 --> 00:11:56,047
Those guys should be sterilized.
And I'm not kidding at all.
160
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:58,257
You don't talk much,
do you, Mitch?
161
00:11:58,341 --> 00:12:00,926
- Actually, you haven't really given...
- That's okay.
162
00:12:01,010 --> 00:12:03,720
'Cause I didn't talk much when I first started
working here either.
163
00:12:03,846 --> 00:12:06,014
You just gotta get used
to your surroundings.
164
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:08,475
- What's up, Poncho?
- Hey, Raddimus. How you doin'?
165
00:12:08,559 --> 00:12:12,145
Actually, more importantly,
how are you and Danielle doing?
166
00:12:12,228 --> 00:12:15,189
I saw that you guys
were arguing, and...
167
00:12:15,273 --> 00:12:18,525
Shit, you know, it would be
a shame if you guys broke up.
168
00:12:18,651 --> 00:12:20,903
You two are
really good together.
169
00:12:22,029 --> 00:12:26,366
Fuck off, okay. Even if we did break up,
you stand no chance in hell, man.
170
00:12:26,492 --> 00:12:30,828
She got this thing about dating grown men
who've had sex with 16-year-old girls.
171
00:12:30,912 --> 00:12:32,871
See, that's the problem
with women, okay?
172
00:12:32,997 --> 00:12:35,916
They're always trying to project
their own values on you.
173
00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:38,335
Whatever.
Anyway, this is Mitch.
174
00:12:38,419 --> 00:12:40,504
He just started today,
so I thought I'd give you the pleasure
175
00:12:40,587 --> 00:12:43,881
of explaining the finer points
of the game to him.
176
00:12:44,007 --> 00:12:46,967
Oh, virgin blood.
Follow me.
177
00:12:47,052 --> 00:12:48,469
Come here.
I wanna talk to you.
178
00:12:48,553 --> 00:12:50,846
Thanks, Raddimus.
Be gentle.
179
00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:53,681
- There you go, Dean.
- Aw, thanks, Tyla. You rock.
180
00:12:53,808 --> 00:12:56,017
Yeah, Tyla, you're the coolest girl
in the whole school.
181
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,811
Hey, man.
182
00:12:57,895 --> 00:13:01,189
Tyla, every time I look at you,
I wish I was a lesbian.
183
00:13:01,272 --> 00:13:04,650
Oh, what a coincidence.
Every time I look at you,
184
00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:07,319
- I'm glad I'm a lesbian.
- Ouch.
185
00:13:08,905 --> 00:13:12,074
Oh, hey, Christy.
It's just Calvin callin'.
186
00:13:12,199 --> 00:13:14,158
Just starting to work the double.
187
00:13:14,243 --> 00:13:16,160
You owe me.
188
00:13:16,245 --> 00:13:19,330
No, I was kiddin'.
You don't really owe me anything.
189
00:13:19,415 --> 00:13:23,042
So, I was just callin' ya,
'cause it's kind of dead here right now.
190
00:13:23,126 --> 00:13:25,877
So, I don't know.
191
00:13:25,962 --> 00:13:28,839
Give me a call back.
I'm at work.
192
00:13:29,881 --> 00:13:31,674
Duh. Duh.
193
00:13:31,758 --> 00:13:35,511
Come on. Talk to me, Goose.
What's wrong?
194
00:13:35,595 --> 00:13:37,722
Remember Chet Miller
from high school?
195
00:13:37,806 --> 00:13:40,933
- Tall guy, kind of smelled like my dad's ass?
- That's the one.
196
00:13:41,058 --> 00:13:44,853
My mother told me he graduated with his
bachelor's degree in electrical engineering.
197
00:13:44,937 --> 00:13:46,896
Yeah, so?
198
00:13:46,981 --> 00:13:50,191
Well, you know, we were in all
the same classes in high school.
199
00:13:50,275 --> 00:13:52,192
We're the same fucking age.
200
00:13:52,277 --> 00:13:54,111
Well, yeah.
But electrical engineering?
201
00:13:54,237 --> 00:13:56,739
- Come on. Screw that noise.
- Yeah, but come on, man.
202
00:13:56,865 --> 00:13:59,867
We haven't even graduated
from community college.
203
00:13:59,950 --> 00:14:01,784
Haven't even got
our A.A. Degree.
204
00:14:01,910 --> 00:14:05,079
Then when we do, what? What the hell
can you do with an A.A. Degree anyway?
205
00:14:05,205 --> 00:14:08,124
You can get a job substitute teaching
for retarded kids or something.
206
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:09,459
Exactly.
207
00:14:09,585 --> 00:14:13,713
That's the dish area back there.
This is where you pick up the food.
208
00:14:13,796 --> 00:14:16,465
That's Floyd. Floyd!
209
00:14:16,591 --> 00:14:18,592
Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch.
210
00:14:18,676 --> 00:14:21,970
Okay, that's the dry area, man.
That's where we keep all the condiments.
211
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,680
Right over here.
This is the cooler.
212
00:14:24,806 --> 00:14:27,808
The milk and vegetables, whatever.
213
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:31,103
Back here is the freezer.
You'll find the meat...
214
00:14:31,187 --> 00:14:33,646
Okay, so let me tell you
about this little game we play.
215
00:14:33,731 --> 00:14:37,317
I assume Monty went over
the basic idea with you, right?
216
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,277
- Yeah, he...
- You know the object, right?
217
00:14:39,403 --> 00:14:41,821
To have the other guy
look at you naked.
218
00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:44,907
Are you okay with that?
219
00:14:47,118 --> 00:14:49,536
What are you, some kind of a fucking sick,
demented pervert, huh?
220
00:14:49,662 --> 00:14:53,082
- No. I was... He told me.
- Come on, bro. I'm just fucking with you.
221
00:14:53,207 --> 00:14:54,749
Look, man, we're all sick.
All right?
222
00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:58,419
Now, look.
The main thing to remember
223
00:14:58,504 --> 00:15:02,423
is to get the other guy to unknowingly
look at your cock and balls.
224
00:15:02,507 --> 00:15:05,801
Okay, don't just fucking pull down your pants
and say, "Look at my dick!"
225
00:15:05,885 --> 00:15:07,886
You gotta be sneaky.
226
00:15:08,012 --> 00:15:11,348
I'm gonna go through the positions with you.
The first one's the easiest.
227
00:15:11,473 --> 00:15:14,141
Call that one "The Look."
All right?
228
00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:16,686
All you gotta do, pull down your pants
real quick, show 'em the goods.
229
00:15:16,812 --> 00:15:20,606
If they look, you get to
kick 'em in the ass once.
230
00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:25,360
Second one is called
"The Brain." Right?
231
00:15:25,486 --> 00:15:29,656
What you gotta do is isolate your nuts
with your fist.
232
00:15:29,782 --> 00:15:32,409
Okay, now, take the time
to look at it, okay?
233
00:15:32,534 --> 00:15:36,036
Because it bears
a striking resemblance to...
234
00:15:36,162 --> 00:15:37,746
Aha. Brain. Yeah.
235
00:15:39,624 --> 00:15:42,751
Okay. For that you get
two kicks.
236
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:48,047
- So...
- The third one, I call it the "Bat Wing."
237
00:15:48,173 --> 00:15:52,593
Okay. What you do is you take
the excess skin from your nuts,
238
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:57,097
and you take it and you make it flat
like paper, all right?
239
00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:59,975
Now, once again, you take
the time to appreciate this.
240
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:03,937
You see that it looks all veiny and alive
like a bat wing, all right?
241
00:16:04,062 --> 00:16:08,941
If they look, they get
three kicks, all right?
242
00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:10,359
But you can't forget this,
all right?
243
00:16:10,485 --> 00:16:12,778
You gotta call 'em
a fag, okay?
244
00:16:12,903 --> 00:16:15,780
Very important.
The game loses it's meaning
245
00:16:15,906 --> 00:16:17,991
if you don't humiliate them
for being a fucking meatcake.
246
00:16:18,075 --> 00:16:19,325
You got that?
247
00:16:19,410 --> 00:16:21,202
I just don't understand
248
00:16:21,286 --> 00:16:23,579
why your mom gives you
so much shit anyway.
249
00:16:23,705 --> 00:16:24,913
I don't know, man.
You know.
250
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,207
She's my mom. She wants me
to succeed in life.
251
00:16:27,292 --> 00:16:29,376
Yeah. Whatever the hell that means.
252
00:16:29,502 --> 00:16:32,046
Jesus, I'm just glad
my mom's not like that.
253
00:16:32,129 --> 00:16:35,715
So I called your house
today at 2:00.
254
00:16:35,841 --> 00:16:37,216
You were still asleep,
weren't you?
255
00:16:37,301 --> 00:16:39,218
That's an understatement.
256
00:16:39,303 --> 00:16:42,055
So what did you do last night?
I trust my little angel
257
00:16:42,138 --> 00:16:43,889
didn't do anything immoral.
258
00:16:43,973 --> 00:16:46,641
Well, let's see.
259
00:16:46,768 --> 00:16:50,812
I started by getting completely
hammered drunk. It was bad.
260
00:16:50,938 --> 00:16:54,983
Then drove while intoxicated to pick up
this disease-infested prostitute.
261
00:16:56,568 --> 00:16:58,277
Uh-huh.
262
00:16:58,403 --> 00:17:02,073
From there, let's see. Me and the hooker
went back to my place...
263
00:17:02,156 --> 00:17:03,865
The hooker and I.
264
00:17:03,949 --> 00:17:08,036
Excuse me. The hooker and I
went back to my place.
265
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,080
And from there...
266
00:17:10,164 --> 00:17:14,209
God, it was just a blur of intravenous
drug abuse and unprotected sex
267
00:17:14,292 --> 00:17:16,835
while taking
the Lord's name in vain.
268
00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:22,716
Dean, did you know that when Monty was
a child, everyone thought he was retarded?
269
00:17:22,883 --> 00:17:25,593
Dean, doesn't my mom
look old?
270
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,137
I mean, like, much older
than she rightfully should?
271
00:17:28,263 --> 00:17:33,184
So why aren't you and Serena still together?
I liked her.
272
00:17:33,309 --> 00:17:35,268
I don't know.
I guess it got old.
273
00:17:35,353 --> 00:17:37,354
We had a relationship
based on orgasms.
274
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,356
Oh, how charming.
275
00:17:39,482 --> 00:17:41,858
You are being safe,
aren't you?
276
00:17:41,983 --> 00:17:45,152
I don't think I could handle
the idea of you reproducing.
277
00:17:45,278 --> 00:17:49,156
Come on, Mom.
Of course I'm being safe.
278
00:17:49,282 --> 00:17:51,117
I pull out.
279
00:17:51,201 --> 00:17:53,035
Yes, well, your father
pulled out too,
280
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,704
but we've all seen
the tragic end of that story.
281
00:17:55,830 --> 00:17:58,540
You think I wanna have kids?
Absolutely not.
282
00:17:58,666 --> 00:18:01,376
That's why I stick to anal sex.
283
00:18:03,003 --> 00:18:04,962
If only I had been so lucky.
284
00:18:08,008 --> 00:18:09,675
Okay, so that's
the Abraham Lincoln.
285
00:18:09,801 --> 00:18:12,052
But remember, you have to shave it
so it looks like his beard.
286
00:18:12,177 --> 00:18:13,970
Otherwise, it don't count.
287
00:18:14,096 --> 00:18:18,266
Now the last one.
The last one is called "The Goat."
288
00:18:18,350 --> 00:18:21,602
Okay, it's a bit trickier.
But if you can pull it off,
289
00:18:21,687 --> 00:18:24,564
you are a god among men,
all right?
290
00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:28,775
What you do is you take
your nuts and your dick, right?
291
00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:30,819
And you tuck it underneath.
292
00:18:30,903 --> 00:18:34,823
Pull your pants down,
show it, all right?
293
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,782
With it sticking out the backside.
You got that?
294
00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:41,329
Okay, well, that just about covers
all the different variations that we have.
295
00:18:41,455 --> 00:18:43,456
But you know, we're always
looking for new positions.
296
00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:46,583
So next time you got a little down time,
you find yourself a little bored,
297
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,126
play with your nuts,
you know what I'm saying?
298
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,712
See what you come up with, okay?
It's all good.
299
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:54,632
All right. I really only have one thing
I wanna talk about today,
300
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:58,427
and that's teamwork.
301
00:18:58,553 --> 00:19:00,179
When the dinner rush hits
and things start to get hectic,
302
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,349
you all have a tendency to start yelling
and screaming at one another.
303
00:19:03,432 --> 00:19:08,811
That's just dumb and senseless, 'cause
you're only gonna be hurting yourselves.
304
00:19:08,896 --> 00:19:13,900
Let's think about it. If you upset the hostess,
she's not gonna seat you.
305
00:19:14,025 --> 00:19:18,362
If you upset the busboys, they're not gonna
care if your table's ready.
306
00:19:18,446 --> 00:19:21,990
If you upset the cooks, they're not gonna care
if your food's taking too long.
307
00:19:22,075 --> 00:19:24,284
- The brain!
- Ah, shit!
308
00:19:24,409 --> 00:19:26,577
Oh, the brain!
309
00:19:26,703 --> 00:19:29,955
I think you're all
great waiters and waitresses.
310
00:19:30,082 --> 00:19:33,834
And you should be able to rely on one another
when you're in the weeds.
311
00:19:33,918 --> 00:19:39,714
Remember, gang. The difference between
ordinary and extraordinary
312
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,758
is that little extra.
313
00:19:41,884 --> 00:19:44,719
All right. That's all
I have for you today.
314
00:19:44,803 --> 00:19:47,471
Let's have a great shift.
315
00:19:47,597 --> 00:19:50,307
Oh, uh, push the fish.
It's about to turn.
316
00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:52,601
That's it.
317
00:19:54,687 --> 00:19:58,648
- Dean, can I have a word with you?
- Sure.
318
00:20:02,903 --> 00:20:04,779
- Have a seat, Dean.
- Thanks, Dan.
319
00:20:09,617 --> 00:20:12,577
- How long you been a waiter?
- Since I was 18,
320
00:20:12,662 --> 00:20:14,746
so about four years.
321
00:20:14,830 --> 00:20:18,249
Wow. You don't wanna be
a waiter forever, do you?
322
00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:19,917
What do you mean?
323
00:20:20,002 --> 00:20:24,088
Carson got promoted to GM
over at Riverside,
324
00:20:24,213 --> 00:20:26,881
so we need a new
assistant manager.
325
00:20:26,966 --> 00:20:28,967
I'd like to offer
the job to you.
326
00:20:29,093 --> 00:20:31,886
- Are you serious?
- Heck, yeah, I'm serious.
327
00:20:31,971 --> 00:20:34,764
Now I'm not gonna lie to you.
The job comes with more responsibility,
328
00:20:34,848 --> 00:20:36,765
but it offers a lot more rewards.
329
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:39,351
You get full medical, dental,
two-weeks' paid vacation,
330
00:20:39,477 --> 00:20:42,229
and I might add,
a hefty pay increase.
331
00:20:42,314 --> 00:20:44,898
- I do pretty well.
- Cool.
332
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:46,816
It is cool.
333
00:20:46,942 --> 00:20:52,113
And, let's not forget the power.
334
00:20:52,197 --> 00:20:55,199
- Right.
- Control.
335
00:20:55,325 --> 00:20:59,369
You tell people to do things,
and they have to do it,
336
00:20:59,495 --> 00:21:01,496
or they get in trouble.
337
00:21:01,622 --> 00:21:05,959
I mean, you're in the driver's seat here.
Your finger's on the button.
338
00:21:06,043 --> 00:21:08,711
- Think about it.
- Okay.
339
00:21:08,837 --> 00:21:11,797
Well.
340
00:21:13,841 --> 00:21:16,343
- Are you okay? If you're not interested...
- No, no, no.
341
00:21:16,469 --> 00:21:19,220
It's not that I'm not interested,
I just...
342
00:21:19,347 --> 00:21:22,515
Sorry, Dan, just a lot of things...
Can I take a little while to think about it?
343
00:21:22,641 --> 00:21:24,309
Yeah. Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah.
344
00:21:24,392 --> 00:21:27,478
Take your time.
Yeah, don't rush, you know.
345
00:21:27,562 --> 00:21:29,605
Talk about it next week
or something like that.
346
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:31,732
- Cool. Thanks, Dan.
- Let me ask you something.
347
00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:34,860
- What's that?
- Why don't we hang out?
348
00:21:34,985 --> 00:21:38,738
- Oh. Like...
- Why don't we hang out more often?
349
00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:40,406
- We do at work.
- You and me.
350
00:21:40,532 --> 00:21:43,451
I was thinking to myself last night,
laying in bed, going,
351
00:21:43,535 --> 00:21:47,205
"Why don't Dean and I hang out?
We're practically the same guy."
352
00:21:50,083 --> 00:21:53,335
L-l-I sort of have a core group of friends.
You have your own friends and...
353
00:21:53,461 --> 00:21:55,796
You know what?
You'd think I do. I don't.
354
00:21:55,879 --> 00:21:58,422
- Has anyone seen Dean?
- Oh, he's in the back talking to Dan.
355
00:21:58,548 --> 00:22:00,675
Yeah, you wanna know
what they're talking about?
356
00:22:00,801 --> 00:22:03,135
Dan wants to make Dean
assistant fuckin' manager.
357
00:22:03,220 --> 00:22:06,097
- Well, did he take the job?
- I don't know. I couldn't...
358
00:22:06,222 --> 00:22:08,473
He better fuckin' not have.
359
00:22:08,557 --> 00:22:10,016
Okay, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
360
00:22:10,101 --> 00:22:12,143
I gotta warn you. Take my car,
what do you think's gonna happen?
361
00:22:12,228 --> 00:22:14,646
- Yeah, I don't really think...
- Score.
362
00:22:14,729 --> 00:22:16,480
Okay.
363
00:22:16,564 --> 00:22:18,649
God.
364
00:22:18,733 --> 00:22:20,818
Hey, so what was that about?
365
00:22:20,902 --> 00:22:23,779
Nothing important.
Just bullshit.
366
00:22:25,406 --> 00:22:27,365
What?
367
00:22:29,451 --> 00:22:32,036
Hey, there, folks. My name's Dean.
I'll be your waiter today.
368
00:22:32,121 --> 00:22:34,414
Can get you something to drink while
you're looking at the menus?
369
00:22:34,539 --> 00:22:39,376
Hi, there, guys. My name is Serena,
and I'll be taking care of you today.
370
00:22:39,460 --> 00:22:43,088
Hey, there, ladies. Hi, my name is Amy,
and I'll be your waitress today.
371
00:22:43,214 --> 00:22:46,174
Is there anything I can get you to drink
while you're looking at the menus?
372
00:22:46,258 --> 00:22:50,261
Yeah, I want a single shot of whiskey
and a double-shot of whiskey,
373
00:22:50,387 --> 00:22:53,389
and she'll have a water.
374
00:22:53,515 --> 00:22:55,975
You know, what the hell?
It's our anniversary.
375
00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:57,684
Why don't you bring her
a Pepsi?
376
00:22:57,768 --> 00:22:59,644
You'll be taking care of us?
377
00:22:59,770 --> 00:23:01,688
I like the sound of that.
378
00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:04,691
I like that.
379
00:23:04,774 --> 00:23:06,483
Okay, I don't mean
to be a bitch,
380
00:23:06,609 --> 00:23:10,029
but the last four times we've come here,
the food was awful.
381
00:23:10,155 --> 00:23:15,326
Well, I apologize for
the food the last few times,
382
00:23:15,451 --> 00:23:18,286
and we will certainly do our best
to make sure that doesn't happen again.
383
00:23:18,412 --> 00:23:20,330
Yeah, that's what
the last waitress said.
384
00:23:22,082 --> 00:23:26,336
- Can I get an extra side of blue cheese?
- Sir, yes, sir.
385
00:23:28,046 --> 00:23:31,173
Right. Blue cheese
for you, stat.
386
00:23:31,299 --> 00:23:36,637
- Have a good day, big guy.
- Thanks.
387
00:23:36,762 --> 00:23:40,931
Assistant Manager Jackoff.
388
00:23:41,016 --> 00:23:44,352
Come on, you worthless dick.
389
00:23:44,478 --> 00:23:46,562
Just pee.
390
00:23:46,646 --> 00:23:47,937
Fuck.
391
00:23:49,190 --> 00:23:51,399
I'll try the other hand maybe.
392
00:23:54,028 --> 00:23:56,404
Goddamn it.
393
00:23:56,488 --> 00:23:58,739
I can't believe you would
do that to me.
394
00:23:58,823 --> 00:24:02,701
No, that's it. Do not...
Do not call me back.
395
00:24:02,827 --> 00:24:05,746
Hey. Are you okay?
396
00:24:07,039 --> 00:24:09,749
I'm about this close to
swearing off men altogether.
397
00:24:09,833 --> 00:24:13,336
Let me get you another drink.
398
00:24:13,545 --> 00:24:15,546
All right, see what
Serena's doing right there?
399
00:24:15,672 --> 00:24:18,882
- She's baiting those poor saps.
- I love Patrick Swayze.
400
00:24:19,008 --> 00:24:20,968
- Yeah?
- Yeah, you kind of remind me of him.
401
00:24:21,052 --> 00:24:23,095
I guarantee you they're gonna
leave her a fat tip.
402
00:24:23,262 --> 00:24:27,099
Women, they're so fuckin' wily.
403
00:24:28,475 --> 00:24:30,893
Oh, but poor, Amy.
She's a different story.
404
00:24:31,019 --> 00:24:32,937
She was D.O.A.
From the very beginning.
405
00:24:33,021 --> 00:24:37,316
And by extra lemon we mean enough
for our waters and then some more.
406
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,401
Look at the scowl
on that woman's face.
407
00:24:39,527 --> 00:24:40,944
- It's all my fault.
- That would be lovely.
408
00:24:41,028 --> 00:24:42,445
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
409
00:24:42,530 --> 00:24:43,530
- Don't worry.
- You are too kind.
410
00:24:43,656 --> 00:24:46,074
She'll be lucky to get
ten percent.
411
00:24:46,199 --> 00:24:48,117
I'm surprised you didn't
give those guys a lap dance.
412
00:24:48,201 --> 00:24:51,161
Oh, what's that, jealousy?
413
00:24:51,246 --> 00:24:54,999
- Women troubles, Amy?
- I just don't understand
414
00:24:55,125 --> 00:24:59,336
what would compel a person to be
such a bitch to a total stranger.
415
00:24:59,461 --> 00:25:03,840
- Maybe she was abused as a child.
- Oh, God. I fucking hope so.
416
00:25:04,883 --> 00:25:06,676
Oh, man.
You look really pissed.
417
00:25:06,801 --> 00:25:08,719
- You really are an asshole.
- Shenaniganz.
418
00:25:08,845 --> 00:25:12,389
- Fuck you.
- He has a shy bladder.
419
00:25:12,515 --> 00:25:15,183
- So is there...
- Mitch, go in the back, check out the cooks.
420
00:25:15,310 --> 00:25:17,978
I'll be there in
a few minutes, okay?
421
00:25:20,188 --> 00:25:22,940
So, what do you think
of Natasha?
422
00:25:23,066 --> 00:25:26,736
- I think she's illegal.
- Yeah. I've made peace with that.
423
00:25:26,861 --> 00:25:30,238
Seriously, look at her. You know
she has that Scooby-Doo tongue.
424
00:25:30,364 --> 00:25:32,073
Statutory rape.
425
00:25:32,199 --> 00:25:34,034
On the other hand,
maybe she is too young.
426
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,994
Like that's ever
stopped you before.
427
00:25:36,077 --> 00:25:38,704
That is a very,
very good point.
428
00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:43,125
And I'm convinced Natasha will be mine.
Thanks for the advice, buddy.
429
00:25:43,251 --> 00:25:45,461
- Hey, anytime.
- Yeah.
430
00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:48,213
- What's going on with you and Amy?
- What's up, Obsession?
431
00:25:48,297 --> 00:25:51,966
- Shut up.
- So how long have you two been...
432
00:25:52,092 --> 00:25:54,969
- Three months. Shit or get off the pot time.
- Yep.
433
00:25:55,095 --> 00:25:59,015
- Has even hinted that he's aware of it?
- No, he's acting oblivious.
434
00:25:59,098 --> 00:26:02,309
Are you gonna talk to her or hope you're never
forced to make an actual decision?
435
00:26:02,435 --> 00:26:05,020
- I'm going with option "B".
- That's my boy.
436
00:26:05,104 --> 00:26:08,273
- Have you talked to him about it?
- No. I'm playing hard to get.
437
00:26:08,398 --> 00:26:11,609
Oh, but haven't you slept
with him the past five nights?
438
00:26:11,735 --> 00:26:13,611
Well, not real hard to get.
439
00:26:13,737 --> 00:26:16,864
She really is a little badass though.
And fun to hang out with. Laid back.
440
00:26:16,948 --> 00:26:18,782
Maintenance fees are really low.
I like that.
441
00:26:18,908 --> 00:26:23,578
Yeah, she's a cool chick. I'd do her.
Hell, I'd probably even pay.
442
00:26:24,997 --> 00:26:26,665
I would.
443
00:26:26,790 --> 00:26:29,833
I don't know, man. I'm not even
thinking about Amy right now.
444
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,419
- Who are you thinking about?
- Chet Miller.
445
00:26:32,504 --> 00:26:34,588
Come on, man!
You're wracked with regret
446
00:26:34,673 --> 00:26:37,967
just because some old fuck-boy
classmate graduated college?
447
00:26:40,260 --> 00:26:43,137
Are you gonna take
the assistant manager job?
448
00:26:43,263 --> 00:26:44,722
Wait. How the hell
do you know about that?
449
00:26:44,848 --> 00:26:47,183
Are you fucking kidding me?
You know this place.
450
00:26:47,308 --> 00:26:49,226
People with the day off
already know.
451
00:26:49,310 --> 00:26:53,897
Half of me is like take the job. I could
really use the money. It's a smart move.
452
00:26:53,982 --> 00:26:57,484
But the other half's like,
"Am I fucking nuts?"
453
00:26:57,609 --> 00:27:00,653
Do I really wanna
end up like Dan?
454
00:27:02,155 --> 00:27:04,991
Busted.
455
00:27:08,619 --> 00:27:12,580
Hey, Rocco?
It's Dan down at Shenaniganz.
456
00:27:12,665 --> 00:27:14,666
Got another one for ya.
457
00:27:14,792 --> 00:27:17,294
All right.
458
00:27:17,419 --> 00:27:19,003
Not on my watch.
459
00:27:19,129 --> 00:27:22,464
And there you go, folks.
460
00:27:22,549 --> 00:27:24,842
Damn, boy. What the hell
took so long?
461
00:27:24,968 --> 00:27:27,928
Well, you had
the two well-done steaks,
462
00:27:28,053 --> 00:27:29,887
so it usually takes
a little while to cook.
463
00:27:30,014 --> 00:27:32,307
Yeah, well, could you
get me some more ketchup?
464
00:27:32,391 --> 00:27:35,351
Sure. No problem.
465
00:27:37,353 --> 00:27:40,647
Nothin' sets off the flavor
of a steak like some ketchup.
466
00:27:40,732 --> 00:27:44,526
And his mouth tasted
just like buttermilk.
467
00:27:44,652 --> 00:27:47,154
Hey, Monty? Could you
drop off my food, please?
468
00:27:47,279 --> 00:27:49,614
I can't deal with
that bitch anymore.
469
00:27:51,700 --> 00:27:53,909
No problem.
470
00:27:54,036 --> 00:27:55,745
It's go time, Mitch.
471
00:27:57,788 --> 00:28:02,042
Hey, there, ladies. Amy's busy
so I thought I'd bring your food out.
472
00:28:02,168 --> 00:28:04,252
But I still have
some salad left.
473
00:28:04,420 --> 00:28:07,714
Oh, well, would you like me to take the food
back and bring it out in a few minutes?
474
00:28:07,839 --> 00:28:10,174
Yeah, and let it dry out
under the heat lamps?
475
00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:11,759
Just give me the food.
476
00:28:11,885 --> 00:28:14,511
Okay. There you go.
477
00:28:14,596 --> 00:28:20,225
Wait. Did that waitress
listen to a word I said?
478
00:28:20,351 --> 00:28:22,226
This steak is medium rare.
479
00:28:22,353 --> 00:28:27,315
I asked for it medium. And I wanted
extra gravy on my mashed potatoes.
480
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,360
Let me ask you something.
How hard is your job?
481
00:28:31,444 --> 00:28:35,656
How intelligent do you have to be
to take a food order?
482
00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:36,990
- Jesus!
- Ma'am.
483
00:28:37,075 --> 00:28:41,495
Ma'am, you're absolutely right,
and I apologize.
484
00:28:43,538 --> 00:28:45,748
I'm gonna get this fixed
for you right away.
485
00:28:45,874 --> 00:28:48,793
Good. Now I can
finish my salad.
486
00:28:48,918 --> 00:28:50,627
Okay.
487
00:28:57,550 --> 00:29:02,596
Gentlemen, we have our first
official bee-atch of the day.
488
00:29:02,722 --> 00:29:06,058
Oh, come on, guys.
She wasn't that bad, was she?
489
00:29:06,142 --> 00:29:09,520
Well, Amy, it's your table.
You decide.
490
00:29:14,608 --> 00:29:16,734
She was a fucking bitch!
Do it.
491
00:29:18,569 --> 00:29:20,487
Yo, we need to get
some fucking hydroponics
492
00:29:20,613 --> 00:29:22,489
so we can grow
our own shit, yo.
493
00:29:22,615 --> 00:29:26,451
Hells, yes. Soon as we get the hydro,
we can run this city like the fuckin' mob.
494
00:29:26,577 --> 00:29:30,038
I swear, we gotta grow it, smoke it, sell it.
We'd be a fucking pimp.
495
00:29:30,163 --> 00:29:32,164
Yo, and you know the bitches
be lovin' that shit.
496
00:29:32,291 --> 00:29:35,042
We'll get more fuckin' puss
than Busta, more than Dre,
497
00:29:35,127 --> 00:29:37,211
more than fuckin' Snoop Dogg.
498
00:29:37,296 --> 00:29:39,046
So it's on then?
We're getting the fucking hydro.
499
00:29:39,130 --> 00:29:41,715
We're gonna run this city
like the motherfucking mob.
500
00:29:41,799 --> 00:29:44,968
The first thing we do is add a little extra gravy
to the mashed potato.
501
00:29:50,974 --> 00:29:55,060
Ah, that's it. Good job, buddy.
Nice one.
502
00:29:55,145 --> 00:29:58,647
Followed by a thin spread
of cheese for your garlic bread.
503
00:29:58,772 --> 00:30:01,649
- Some "fromunda" cheese.
- Yeah, make us proud.
504
00:30:03,694 --> 00:30:05,903
Fresh from the taint.
We like this. Good.
505
00:30:05,988 --> 00:30:09,824
- Up next, what we're gonna do...
- How about a little guacamole for the steak?
506
00:30:09,949 --> 00:30:13,744
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
507
00:30:13,828 --> 00:30:17,372
Come on, man. You can't be mixing
Mexican and Continental.
508
00:30:17,498 --> 00:30:20,459
Come on, man.
I thought you was better than that.
509
00:30:21,668 --> 00:30:24,962
All right.
How about a little garlic salt?
510
00:30:28,008 --> 00:30:30,885
That's what I'm talking about.
Finesse, baby!
511
00:30:31,010 --> 00:30:33,136
These guys have
a deep commitment to their job.
512
00:30:33,220 --> 00:30:38,183
Finally, a garnish
of alfalfa sprouts.
513
00:30:38,267 --> 00:30:39,768
Adds a touch of cla...
514
00:30:43,146 --> 00:30:47,691
Touch of class to any meal.
515
00:30:48,901 --> 00:30:50,985
There we go.
516
00:30:51,070 --> 00:30:52,946
Oh, God.
517
00:30:53,030 --> 00:30:55,031
Good stuff.
518
00:31:03,581 --> 00:31:06,416
I'll pull out my motherfuckin' shotty.
519
00:31:06,542 --> 00:31:07,626
Pull up like John Gotti.
520
00:31:07,710 --> 00:31:11,380
I'll have the motherfucker on the carpet.
I fucked that bitch!
521
00:31:11,505 --> 00:31:13,214
Hell, yeah, motherfucker.
We be down...
522
00:31:13,340 --> 00:31:16,759
Okay, Nicholas,
Theodore. Boys.
523
00:31:16,885 --> 00:31:18,844
It doesn't take ten minutes
to take out the trash.
524
00:31:18,928 --> 00:31:21,888
Now, if you don't get your asses out front
and start doing some work,
525
00:31:21,973 --> 00:31:25,267
I'm gonna fire you faster than you can say,
"Yo, MTV Raps."
526
00:31:25,393 --> 00:31:26,393
- Yes, sir.
- I'm sorry?
527
00:31:26,519 --> 00:31:28,395
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
528
00:31:33,942 --> 00:31:35,859
Hey, Rocco.
529
00:31:35,944 --> 00:31:38,487
Yeah, right there.
530
00:31:42,950 --> 00:31:44,909
Here you go, ma'am.
531
00:31:45,953 --> 00:31:49,330
I had the chefs take
extra special care of it for you.
532
00:31:49,414 --> 00:31:51,498
I'm truly sorry
for the inconvenience.
533
00:32:03,468 --> 00:32:06,971
You know, we should probably feel guilty,
but she broke the cardinal rule:
534
00:32:07,097 --> 00:32:10,933
Don't fuck with people
that handle your food.
535
00:32:11,058 --> 00:32:13,643
All right. How you guys doin'?
Everything prepared okay?
536
00:32:13,769 --> 00:32:16,438
Could be better.
It'll do.
537
00:32:16,564 --> 00:32:19,774
I'm sorry. Is there anything
I can do to make it better?
538
00:32:19,899 --> 00:32:22,484
Yeah, get me an extra roll.
539
00:32:22,611 --> 00:32:23,986
And bring me the check.
540
00:32:24,112 --> 00:32:25,696
Sure.
541
00:32:25,780 --> 00:32:27,823
No problem.
542
00:32:27,949 --> 00:32:30,242
And I'm gonna sing
that bitch a fucking 187.
543
00:32:30,326 --> 00:32:32,452
All right then, Calvin.
544
00:32:32,578 --> 00:32:35,038
Just relax and start
at the beginning.
545
00:32:35,122 --> 00:32:36,456
Okay.
546
00:32:37,750 --> 00:32:43,838
About three months ago I just finished my shift,
and I really had to take a piss.
547
00:32:43,963 --> 00:32:48,342
So, I go into the bathroom.
548
00:32:48,468 --> 00:32:52,179
And I'm at the urinal,
just waiting for the flow,
549
00:32:52,304 --> 00:32:54,180
minding my own business.
550
00:32:54,306 --> 00:32:58,225
When I notice out of
my peripheral vision
551
00:32:58,352 --> 00:33:03,314
the guy standing next to me
was looking straight at my dick.
552
00:33:03,439 --> 00:33:06,232
He's just staring at it
like they're old pals.
553
00:33:06,317 --> 00:33:08,610
I could practically hear
what he was thinking.
554
00:33:08,694 --> 00:33:12,697
"Whoa. That's a nice dick."
555
00:33:13,865 --> 00:33:15,407
And that's it.
556
00:33:15,533 --> 00:33:18,369
Since that time, I haven't been able
to use a public bathroom.
557
00:33:18,495 --> 00:33:19,954
Goodness.
558
00:33:20,037 --> 00:33:22,163
And the next time I tried to take a leak,
I could've sworn
559
00:33:22,289 --> 00:33:25,250
the guy standing next to me was staring at me,
and I freaked.
560
00:33:28,254 --> 00:33:31,089
Quit staring at my dick!
561
00:33:31,172 --> 00:33:34,383
In retrospect, I think
I might've been mistaken.
562
00:33:34,509 --> 00:33:36,635
What about the stall?
563
00:33:36,761 --> 00:33:38,637
No, it didn't work either.
564
00:33:38,721 --> 00:33:44,142
Every time I go to take a piss, I get the image
of that guy's eyes on my shank.
565
00:33:44,226 --> 00:33:47,687
And then that's when
I start hearing the voices.
566
00:33:47,771 --> 00:33:49,188
Voices?
567
00:33:49,314 --> 00:33:52,400
I get this paranoid feeling
there are people outside the stall,
568
00:33:52,525 --> 00:33:55,610
and they know I'm having
a difficult time taking a piss.
569
00:33:55,695 --> 00:33:59,698
I can hear them saying,
"What's taking him so long?
570
00:33:59,824 --> 00:34:02,450
Why can't he just piss
like a normal person?
571
00:34:02,534 --> 00:34:05,035
I don't hear any peel"
572
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,246
I'm really fucked up.
573
00:34:08,206 --> 00:34:11,000
Psychosomatic auditory
hallucinations.
574
00:34:12,751 --> 00:34:14,752
Most people have to pay
for such a thing.
575
00:34:14,878 --> 00:34:16,296
So what the hell should I do?
576
00:34:16,380 --> 00:34:17,797
Well, first,
577
00:34:18,799 --> 00:34:21,801
you need to think about how this problem
affects other parts of your personality.
578
00:34:21,884 --> 00:34:23,760
- Oh.
- See, I recommend...
579
00:34:31,268 --> 00:34:32,727
Oh, bro, that ain't right, man.
580
00:34:32,853 --> 00:34:37,648
- Take a look at the bat wing, bitch!
- Oh, it's so veiny.
581
00:34:39,818 --> 00:34:44,530
Damn, Raddimus. Does Danielle know that
you like to go both ways? How does that work?
582
00:34:46,324 --> 00:34:47,824
Sweet victory.
583
00:34:50,119 --> 00:34:52,746
Good job, asshole.
584
00:34:55,874 --> 00:34:58,083
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
585
00:35:01,837 --> 00:35:05,381
Hello, sir. My name is Monty.
This is my trainee, Mitch.
586
00:35:05,466 --> 00:35:09,677
- How are you doing today?
- Oh, I'm slipping gradually into senility.
587
00:35:09,762 --> 00:35:13,973
Really? Do you consider that
a good thing or a bad thing?
588
00:35:14,098 --> 00:35:15,891
Well, it's a mixed bag.
589
00:35:16,017 --> 00:35:21,230
It's good in the sense that
I can take walks in my underwear.
590
00:35:21,355 --> 00:35:24,065
I can give small children
the middle finger.
591
00:35:24,191 --> 00:35:27,902
But as long as I look happy
while I'm doing it,
592
00:35:28,028 --> 00:35:30,696
people just assume I'm senile.
593
00:35:30,781 --> 00:35:32,657
Yeah, so what's the bad?
594
00:35:32,782 --> 00:35:36,534
Well, sometimes I give
small children the middle finger
595
00:35:36,619 --> 00:35:40,830
and don't realize I'm doing it
until someone slaps me.
596
00:35:40,998 --> 00:35:43,875
So I really am going senile.
597
00:35:43,959 --> 00:35:46,460
Alzheimer's can't be all bad.
598
00:35:46,544 --> 00:35:48,671
You get a chance to meet
new people every day.
599
00:35:52,258 --> 00:35:55,718
- I like you, Monty.
- I like you too, sir.
600
00:35:55,803 --> 00:35:58,388
I like you too, Monty.
601
00:35:58,472 --> 00:36:01,182
So what could I get you
to drink?
602
00:36:01,307 --> 00:36:02,849
I trust you.
603
00:36:04,060 --> 00:36:07,563
You know what?
You can count on me, sir.
604
00:36:10,316 --> 00:36:12,276
I don't even care if
he gives me a poor tip,
605
00:36:12,359 --> 00:36:14,944
that is the coolest old man
I've met in my entire life.
606
00:36:15,070 --> 00:36:17,488
- How's your table?
- Couple of hicks.
607
00:36:17,614 --> 00:36:19,907
- Yikes.
- Yeah, but the check total's $63,
608
00:36:19,992 --> 00:36:23,202
so even if they tip 15 percent
I should make 10 bucks.
609
00:36:23,327 --> 00:36:27,330
You're a bastard. So far I've made
15 percent of jack shit.
610
00:36:30,167 --> 00:36:31,376
Jesus.
611
00:36:34,796 --> 00:36:37,965
There you go, buddy.
It's all you.
612
00:36:38,091 --> 00:36:42,511
Thanks a lot.
We'll see you next time.
613
00:36:52,186 --> 00:36:53,896
How much did they leave you?
614
00:36:54,022 --> 00:36:56,106
$1.91.
615
00:36:56,190 --> 00:36:59,943
No fucking way.
616
00:37:09,536 --> 00:37:13,414
Excuse me, sir.
You forgot your change.
617
00:37:13,539 --> 00:37:16,625
No. That's for you.
That's your tip.
618
00:37:16,709 --> 00:37:18,501
Oh, no, no, no.
I insist. You take it.
619
00:37:18,586 --> 00:37:22,839
You obviously need this
more than I do.
620
00:37:22,964 --> 00:37:27,426
I wanna speak to your manager now, please.
This is horse shit.
621
00:37:27,552 --> 00:37:30,012
Okay, Mitch, you see what
Dean did there?
622
00:37:30,096 --> 00:37:32,056
Don't ever do that.
623
00:37:32,139 --> 00:37:34,557
- What, did he stiff you?
- He might as fucking well have.
624
00:37:34,683 --> 00:37:36,935
Two bucks on a $63 check.
625
00:37:37,061 --> 00:37:38,937
Oh, damn.
That is pretty shitty.
626
00:37:39,063 --> 00:37:44,484
For insulting me I should get some free
gift certificates and a key chain and a hat.
627
00:37:44,567 --> 00:37:45,984
Absolutely, sir. Yes.
628
00:37:46,069 --> 00:37:48,695
And how about a couple of sundaes
with some nuts on 'em?
629
00:37:48,821 --> 00:37:51,698
Yeah, I will have Natasha
take down all your information,
630
00:37:51,783 --> 00:37:54,201
and I will make sure corporate
sends those to you.
631
00:37:54,326 --> 00:37:56,661
You're gonna mail me a sundae?
I want it now.
632
00:37:56,745 --> 00:38:01,332
Get in here. You wanna explain to me
what the heck you were thinking?
633
00:38:01,416 --> 00:38:03,459
Insulting a customer like that?
634
00:38:03,584 --> 00:38:06,086
You're right. I know.
I know. He just...
635
00:38:06,212 --> 00:38:09,839
I'm having a really bad day, Dan, and that guy
caught me at the worst possible moment.
636
00:38:09,924 --> 00:38:12,592
- I'm sorry. I lost it.
- You're sorry?
637
00:38:12,717 --> 00:38:15,386
I don't understand.
I've never gotten a complaint on you.
638
00:38:15,470 --> 00:38:18,389
And you had to pick the day
I offer you a promotion?
639
00:38:18,473 --> 00:38:20,349
I promise you it won't
happen again, okay?
640
00:38:20,433 --> 00:38:24,728
Opportunity is knocking at the door.
If you don't wanna answer it, fine.
641
00:38:24,812 --> 00:38:26,646
There are people who
would jump at the chance.
642
00:38:26,772 --> 00:38:28,648
Calvin is chomping at the bit
for this job.
643
00:38:28,774 --> 00:38:33,236
I am offering you an opportunity to take it
to the next level, earn more money.
644
00:38:37,031 --> 00:38:39,950
I want an answer by the end
of your shift... tonight!
645
00:38:40,076 --> 00:38:42,703
And Dean,
this is an exploding offer.
646
00:38:42,786 --> 00:38:46,747
I don't work within
the exact boundaries of the law,
647
00:38:46,832 --> 00:38:49,625
because I wasn't consulted
when the goddamn laws were made.
648
00:38:49,751 --> 00:38:53,713
No, instead, nameless,
faceless politicians,
649
00:38:53,796 --> 00:38:58,592
the so-called protectors of the moral majority
decide what is right and what is wrong.
650
00:38:58,718 --> 00:39:00,677
I mean, come on!
651
00:39:00,803 --> 00:39:04,639
I govern my life around my own personal code
of ethics, and I suggest you do the same.
652
00:39:04,764 --> 00:39:08,350
That way if, within the constructs
of my own morality
653
00:39:08,476 --> 00:39:12,187
I were to do something
that was considered illegal, so be it.
654
00:39:12,314 --> 00:39:14,106
I feel no guilt whatsoever.
655
00:39:14,231 --> 00:39:18,401
And furthermore, if I were to buckle
under the social weight of the system
656
00:39:18,485 --> 00:39:20,612
by adhering to laws that
I do not truly believe in,
657
00:39:20,696 --> 00:39:25,241
then I would be extinguishing the very fire
of patriotism and individuality.
658
00:39:25,325 --> 00:39:27,159
It's... It's so...
659
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:30,537
In a sense,
660
00:39:31,998 --> 00:39:33,999
by having sex with Natasha,
661
00:39:34,124 --> 00:39:39,212
I'd be preserving the rights our forefathers
fought and died for, right?
662
00:39:40,339 --> 00:39:43,758
- Well, I guess...
- Bro, it was a rhetorical question.
663
00:39:43,883 --> 00:39:45,508
Okay? So...
664
00:39:48,638 --> 00:39:53,266
Oh, hey, Dean. I heard Dan yelling at you.
It was kind of crazy.
665
00:39:53,350 --> 00:39:55,559
You think you're still in the running
for the assistant manager?
666
00:39:55,685 --> 00:39:59,396
Did you ever just wake up and realize,
"Holy shit. I'm a fucking loser."
667
00:39:59,522 --> 00:40:01,607
Yeah, man.
668
00:40:01,691 --> 00:40:04,818
God, I just wanna be able to say,
"I wanna be a teacher," you know,
669
00:40:04,944 --> 00:40:08,404
or a podiatrist or
a fucking electrical engineer.
670
00:40:08,531 --> 00:40:10,657
Anything!
Just have a fucking clue!
671
00:40:10,783 --> 00:40:12,659
Hey, who has a clue, right?
672
00:40:12,743 --> 00:40:17,038
Hey, I don't. Hello?
I don't know what's going on.
673
00:40:17,163 --> 00:40:18,830
Hey, could you put down
the ice pick?
674
00:40:18,957 --> 00:40:22,960
- Sorry you had to hear that guy yell.
- Oh, it's okay.
675
00:40:23,044 --> 00:40:25,045
You shouldn't have to be
subjected to that.
676
00:40:25,128 --> 00:40:27,338
You're way too sweet.
677
00:40:27,464 --> 00:40:30,967
- Way too cute, too.
- Stop it. You're gonna make me blush.
678
00:40:32,219 --> 00:40:34,720
Bet you drive the boys wild
at your school.
679
00:40:34,845 --> 00:40:37,556
Maybe. I don't really like
the boys at my school.
680
00:40:37,682 --> 00:40:40,100
No? Why?
681
00:40:40,226 --> 00:40:42,269
I prefer older men.
682
00:40:42,395 --> 00:40:44,396
Really? Wow.
683
00:40:44,521 --> 00:40:46,689
I like a man in power.
684
00:40:46,773 --> 00:40:50,943
Yeah, well, being a manager,
obviously, I know what you mean.
685
00:40:51,069 --> 00:40:54,530
It takes a lot of power to command the respect
of everybody at the restaurant.
686
00:40:54,655 --> 00:40:56,698
- That's true.
- Yeah.
687
00:40:56,824 --> 00:41:02,328
We should go to dinner sometime
and talk about it.
688
00:41:02,413 --> 00:41:05,206
I'll bring my manager card,
and we'll just eat for free.
689
00:41:05,331 --> 00:41:10,168
As they say,
membership has its privileges.
690
00:41:10,420 --> 00:41:12,629
What's up with you?
What are you still doing here?
691
00:41:12,755 --> 00:41:15,340
Christy asked me to work for her,
so I'm working a double.
692
00:41:15,424 --> 00:41:18,426
Time-out. Isn't this
your only night off this week?
693
00:41:18,552 --> 00:41:19,510
Yeah.
694
00:41:19,636 --> 00:41:23,848
And you're using it to work
a double-shift for Christy?
695
00:41:23,932 --> 00:41:26,851
Wait. You actually have to get the pussy
before you can be whipped by it.
696
00:41:26,934 --> 00:41:28,602
- That's right.
- You guys suck.
697
00:41:28,728 --> 00:41:32,314
- Yes, we do.
- Wait. Didn't you take out Christy last night?
698
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:34,691
- Yeah, we went out last night.
- Come on, man! Details!
699
00:41:34,774 --> 00:41:38,485
Fuck the details. I wanna know.
Did you do it? Did you make a move?
700
00:41:38,612 --> 00:41:40,946
- What do you mean?
- Don't give me that shit. You know.
701
00:41:41,072 --> 00:41:43,532
- Did you kiss her? Rub against her skin?
- Cuddle with her? Rub her leg?
702
00:41:43,658 --> 00:41:46,577
- Hold her hand?
- Nipple tweak? Anything?
703
00:41:46,660 --> 00:41:48,661
- No, I'm still...
- Oh, my God!
704
00:41:48,787 --> 00:41:49,704
I need more time.
705
00:41:49,788 --> 00:41:52,582
- Forget it. It's over. You're fucked.
- Not literally.
706
00:41:52,708 --> 00:41:56,252
- Why? Because you won't pull the trigger.
- And you're too fucking nice!
707
00:41:56,377 --> 00:41:58,003
Why do you always say that?
I'm not...
708
00:41:58,129 --> 00:42:00,380
- What happens with every girl you like?
- Nothing!
709
00:42:00,465 --> 00:42:03,550
You take 'em out, you pay for everything,
and you never make a move!
710
00:42:03,635 --> 00:42:07,596
Then you home, alone, to masturbate
while you cry, using your own tears...
711
00:42:07,679 --> 00:42:12,433
That was once, and I was drunk
and it was Valentine's day. So back off.
712
00:42:12,518 --> 00:42:16,395
Don't try to candy coat it.
All we ever do is hang out and have sex.
713
00:42:16,479 --> 00:42:21,107
What are you talking about? Didn't I take you
to the movies last week, huh? Huh?
714
00:42:21,192 --> 00:42:23,860
Yeah, but you kept trying
to get me to jerk you off.
715
00:42:26,488 --> 00:42:28,572
What do you want?
It was a dull movie.
716
00:42:28,657 --> 00:42:33,410
Yeah, but I just get the feeling
that you don't care.
717
00:42:34,454 --> 00:42:36,872
I don't care?
I don't care?
718
00:42:37,915 --> 00:42:42,126
When my uncle died, didn't I ask
you to be by my side at the funeral?
719
00:42:42,253 --> 00:42:46,089
Yeah, but you kept trying
to get me to jerk you off.
720
00:42:49,008 --> 00:42:51,343
How many times can we have
the same exact conversation?
721
00:42:51,469 --> 00:42:53,637
It's like we're stuck
in a time paradox
722
00:42:53,763 --> 00:42:56,223
where neither our wisdom nor your virginity
will ever escape.
723
00:42:56,348 --> 00:42:59,308
I attempt to make a move.
724
00:42:59,393 --> 00:43:02,812
I get in close.
I'm there and I just get...
725
00:43:02,896 --> 00:43:04,021
Fuck!
726
00:43:04,147 --> 00:43:07,733
- You need therapy.
- Hush, now.
727
00:43:07,859 --> 00:43:10,652
The way I see it, with chicks,
728
00:43:10,778 --> 00:43:13,488
there's really only two possible things
that could happen.
729
00:43:13,614 --> 00:43:17,659
Either they won't sleep with you,
and then there's no need to call them again,
730
00:43:17,784 --> 00:43:21,829
or they do sleep with you, and then
there's no need to call them again.
731
00:43:21,955 --> 00:43:25,958
This is what I don't get. How can someone
be such a complete asshole all the time
732
00:43:26,083 --> 00:43:28,001
and get as many women
as you do?
733
00:43:28,085 --> 00:43:30,503
That's a good question.
734
00:43:31,714 --> 00:43:33,673
- Amy! Serena! Calvin needs our help.
- No.
735
00:43:33,674 --> 00:43:34,757
- Amy! Serena! Calvin needs our help.
- No.
736
00:43:34,884 --> 00:43:37,010
- No, I don't need help.
- Shh, shh.
737
00:43:37,093 --> 00:43:39,011
Women like assholes,
am I right?
738
00:43:39,095 --> 00:43:42,097
- Well, I agree that you're an asshole.
- Okay.
739
00:43:42,223 --> 00:43:46,351
"A", fuck you.
"B", just answer the question.
740
00:43:46,476 --> 00:43:50,354
Well, okay. Girls like assholes,
not women.
741
00:43:50,439 --> 00:43:53,482
What women are attracted to
is self-confidence.
742
00:43:53,567 --> 00:43:56,444
Yes, and we absolutely
fucking hate insecurity.
743
00:43:56,569 --> 00:43:58,820
Yes! The more insecure you are
the more you ask, "Is something wrong?"
744
00:43:58,905 --> 00:44:00,739
- "Is everything okay?"
- "What are you thinking about?"
745
00:44:00,865 --> 00:44:03,241
"What's wrong?"
And the more you do that, Calvin,
746
00:44:03,367 --> 00:44:05,827
the more it becomes
this self-fulfilling prophecy.
747
00:44:05,952 --> 00:44:09,622
You just need to relax
and not worry so much. Okay?
748
00:44:12,876 --> 00:44:15,711
Yeah. That makes
a lot of sense.
749
00:44:15,794 --> 00:44:19,047
- I'm gonna work on it.
- Yeah. Yeah, you do that.
750
00:44:19,131 --> 00:44:23,510
And by the way, take whatever advice
that she gives you with a big grain of salt.
751
00:44:23,594 --> 00:44:26,304
Yeah, and take anything that he gives you
with a shot of penicillin.
752
00:44:26,429 --> 00:44:29,598
Seriously, Calvin,
do yourself a favor.
753
00:44:29,724 --> 00:44:32,351
Unless you're combing the playground
for middle schoolers,
754
00:44:32,435 --> 00:44:35,604
don't become an asshole
like Monty.
755
00:44:35,729 --> 00:44:39,440
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but haven't I been inside you?
756
00:44:47,823 --> 00:44:49,783
- Oh, Monty.
- Oh, me.
757
00:44:49,867 --> 00:44:53,662
You wanna brag about your sexual conquests,
you big stud, you?
758
00:44:53,788 --> 00:44:56,498
Okay, you know what? Fine.
Let's talk about it.
759
00:44:56,623 --> 00:45:00,292
Let me describe Monty's
amazing sexual prowess.
760
00:45:00,418 --> 00:45:04,505
He'd barrel into me with that pathetic excuse
for a child's penis.
761
00:45:04,631 --> 00:45:08,676
And it would end so quickly,
so abruptly,
762
00:45:08,801 --> 00:45:11,261
I wouldn't even have time
to feel any sort of
763
00:45:11,345 --> 00:45:14,973
morbid, accidental amusement
towards his "technique,"
764
00:45:15,099 --> 00:45:17,308
which was basically him
seizuring on top of me
765
00:45:17,433 --> 00:45:19,768
for, oh, about 45 seconds,
766
00:45:19,894 --> 00:45:23,522
while I laid there trying
not to laugh... or cry.
767
00:45:23,648 --> 00:45:24,690
Ouch.
768
00:45:24,816 --> 00:45:27,943
Is it any wonder why you still date girls
in high school?
769
00:45:28,068 --> 00:45:30,570
They're the only ones left.
They don't know any better.
770
00:45:30,654 --> 00:45:32,905
Okay, okay. All right.
771
00:45:32,990 --> 00:45:35,241
First of all, for the record,
772
00:45:35,325 --> 00:45:38,452
I always had an orgasm
when we had sex.
773
00:45:38,536 --> 00:45:41,204
Secondly, everybody knows
that I'm orally fixated.
774
00:45:41,330 --> 00:45:43,957
You can't deny that I played your vagina
like a violin.
775
00:45:44,041 --> 00:45:48,795
Oh! As if that somehow negates the fact
that once we got past foreplay,
776
00:45:48,879 --> 00:45:51,463
you turned into the little engine
that couldn't hold his load.
777
00:45:51,590 --> 00:45:53,716
Oh, what the fuck ever!
778
00:45:53,842 --> 00:45:56,927
If I was that bad, then why were
you at my house every night?
779
00:45:57,011 --> 00:45:59,804
All I had to do was call
and say, "Hey. I'm horny."
780
00:45:59,930 --> 00:46:01,890
And then fucking poof!
781
00:46:02,016 --> 00:46:05,602
As if by some form of slut magic
you'd appear. Now why is that?
782
00:46:05,686 --> 00:46:08,730
Because at first, I really
liked spending time with you.
783
00:46:08,855 --> 00:46:11,398
I thought you were a genuinely
interesting guy to be around.
784
00:46:11,524 --> 00:46:12,482
Very true.
785
00:46:12,567 --> 00:46:15,861
But eventually, it all wore thin.
I realized that your personality
786
00:46:15,987 --> 00:46:18,530
was just one short punctuated
joke after another,
787
00:46:18,655 --> 00:46:20,698
much like our sex life.
788
00:46:20,824 --> 00:46:24,660
And, oh, Monty, do you remember
why we stopped dating?
789
00:46:24,745 --> 00:46:27,997
Yeah, I do.
Because you were old news.
790
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:32,083
I was looking at other girls and getting bored.
Basically, that was why.
791
00:46:32,210 --> 00:46:34,294
Yeah, yeah. All that.
792
00:46:34,378 --> 00:46:35,879
And the fact that I dumped you.
793
00:46:36,005 --> 00:46:38,548
- Wait, I thought you said you dumped...
- Shut up, Calvin.
794
00:46:38,673 --> 00:46:41,383
I was just trying to let you down easy,
but this is bullshit.
795
00:46:41,551 --> 00:46:44,845
We both know that you enjoyed
having sex with me.
796
00:46:44,971 --> 00:46:47,806
The only real pleasure I ever got
from having sex with you
797
00:46:47,890 --> 00:46:49,682
came from making fun of it
later with my friends.
798
00:46:49,767 --> 00:46:52,810
- Tell him, Amy.
- It's true. We laughed a lot at your expense.
799
00:46:52,937 --> 00:46:57,273
So you know when you're walking past
a group of people, you hear them laughing,
800
00:46:57,398 --> 00:47:00,526
you sometimes get that paranoid
self-conscious feeling?
801
00:47:00,610 --> 00:47:03,570
Maybe they're laughing about you
when they're really not?
802
00:47:03,696 --> 00:47:06,907
Well, in your case,
they really are.
803
00:47:22,672 --> 00:47:25,549
God, I love her.
804
00:47:27,217 --> 00:47:28,759
Oh, hello there.
805
00:47:28,885 --> 00:47:31,762
Thank you for joining our family
at Shenaniganz bar and grill.
806
00:47:31,888 --> 00:47:34,640
It is our goal to maintain the absolute
highest standard in all aspects...
807
00:47:34,766 --> 00:47:38,102
Hey, man.
We all had to watch it.
808
00:47:38,227 --> 00:47:41,771
I'm gonna come back and get you after
the dinner rush. The tape should be done then.
809
00:47:41,897 --> 00:47:42,897
Cool?
810
00:47:44,817 --> 00:47:46,568
Well, I mean, I guess. L...
811
00:47:46,694 --> 00:47:48,403
... of our most sacred
company policies
812
00:47:48,528 --> 00:47:50,988
to ensure that you have
all the skills necessary
813
00:47:51,114 --> 00:47:54,533
- to uphold our standard of excellence.
- Shit.
814
00:47:54,659 --> 00:47:58,453
Are you ready? Well, okay.
Follow me.
815
00:47:58,579 --> 00:48:00,830
All right, men.
This is it.
816
00:48:00,956 --> 00:48:05,084
The time has come. Remember,
product pride. Portion consciousness.
817
00:48:05,169 --> 00:48:07,628
Zero hour is upon us.
818
00:48:07,753 --> 00:48:10,297
Let us seize the day!
819
00:48:10,423 --> 00:48:12,716
Yeah, yeah!
Carpe deez nuts.
820
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:14,885
God, I can't wait to quit
this job!
821
00:48:26,271 --> 00:48:28,105
Okay, your waiter
will be right with you.
822
00:48:28,189 --> 00:48:29,731
Hi there, folks.
What can I get you to drink?
823
00:48:29,857 --> 00:48:31,608
Would you like to start
with an appetizer?
824
00:48:31,692 --> 00:48:34,110
Would you like a baked potato,
french fries or rice pilaf?
825
00:48:34,195 --> 00:48:36,654
- Order up!
- Is everything prepared okay?
826
00:48:36,780 --> 00:48:39,199
- How about some dessert?
- And here you go, folks.
827
00:48:39,324 --> 00:48:42,034
I hope you enjoyed everything.
I know I did.
828
00:48:51,752 --> 00:48:54,962
- Fuck!
- The five-second rule! The five-second rule!
829
00:48:55,005 --> 00:48:56,756
One, two, three,
830
00:48:56,882 --> 00:48:59,550
four, five.
831
00:49:01,385 --> 00:49:05,347
A little floor spice makes everything nice.
There you go.
832
00:49:06,390 --> 00:49:09,476
Damn, man. We almost had to switch
to the ten-second rule.
833
00:49:12,062 --> 00:49:14,522
You green
snot-beard faggot!
834
00:49:21,737 --> 00:49:22,904
Fuck you!
835
00:49:23,030 --> 00:49:26,533
- Oh, no.
- Hang on. I only have a small order.
836
00:49:26,659 --> 00:49:29,369
- I have to put in an appetizer. Goddamn it.
- Chill the fuck out!
837
00:49:29,452 --> 00:49:31,411
Well, hurry up.
838
00:49:33,748 --> 00:49:35,791
Okay, hey, gang.
Listen up.
839
00:49:35,917 --> 00:49:37,543
Let's get out there,
take care of our guests.
840
00:49:37,627 --> 00:49:40,045
I know it's getting crazy,
but we can do it. We can do it.
841
00:49:40,129 --> 00:49:42,922
Let's put that extra... just that little extra...
back in extraordinary.
842
00:49:43,048 --> 00:49:46,050
Okay. There's no
"me" in "team."
843
00:49:47,094 --> 00:49:48,052
Yeah.
844
00:49:49,220 --> 00:49:51,054
Hey, guys. Which one of these
is medium rare?
845
00:49:55,893 --> 00:49:57,811
Shoot. Let's just...
846
00:49:59,896 --> 00:50:02,648
Goddamn it!
847
00:50:02,774 --> 00:50:05,776
Please.
848
00:50:05,902 --> 00:50:09,363
Let me do it.
849
00:50:09,446 --> 00:50:11,281
All right, you two, let's go.
850
00:50:11,407 --> 00:50:14,742
Hurry up, or your asses
are fired!
851
00:50:17,037 --> 00:50:20,498
So remember, find the solution
before there's a problem.
852
00:50:20,623 --> 00:50:24,126
Now let's go take a look at our problem
back in the kitchen.
853
00:50:25,628 --> 00:50:27,629
Come on, guys.
This is bull crap.
854
00:50:27,755 --> 00:50:30,299
Where the hell's
my chicken sandwich?
855
00:50:32,092 --> 00:50:33,926
Fuck you, bitch!
856
00:50:34,011 --> 00:50:35,720
What the hell
did I do to you, Floyd?
857
00:50:35,804 --> 00:50:39,265
Eat at Shenaniganz
enjoy your food
858
00:50:39,390 --> 00:50:43,310
Eat at Shenaniganz
Calvin works here
859
00:50:43,436 --> 00:50:45,020
Okay, that's hardly sanitary.
860
00:50:45,146 --> 00:50:48,523
Hey, Dan. I have a table
that needs to...
861
00:51:14,464 --> 00:51:19,092
Trying to get a feel for the whole
manager thing. You caught me.
862
00:51:19,176 --> 00:51:22,637
Do you think you could get a feel for it outside?
I need some fresh air.
863
00:51:25,265 --> 00:51:27,934
Hey, hey, Christy.
It's Calvin again. L...
864
00:51:29,727 --> 00:51:32,979
Just calling again.
Just checking in or whatever.
865
00:51:33,105 --> 00:51:36,107
Called before a few times.
Maybe you didn't...
866
00:51:36,234 --> 00:51:37,651
I got all my bars.
867
00:51:37,735 --> 00:51:39,903
So anyway, it's getting
kind of busy.
868
00:51:40,028 --> 00:51:42,696
But I'm never too busy
to call you.
869
00:51:42,823 --> 00:51:47,284
So call me back. You know the number.
Okay. Bye.
870
00:51:47,410 --> 00:51:48,702
Fuck.
871
00:51:50,246 --> 00:51:53,748
So is everything okay?
Is something wrong?
872
00:51:55,835 --> 00:51:57,252
Are you mad?
873
00:52:01,339 --> 00:52:02,965
Yeah?
874
00:52:03,049 --> 00:52:07,136
Somethin' bad happens
when you become a manager.
875
00:52:07,220 --> 00:52:11,390
You put on your fuckin' tie, and you get
your fuckin' little manager card,
876
00:52:11,515 --> 00:52:13,891
and you're think you're so fuckin' cool
because you write the schedule
877
00:52:14,017 --> 00:52:15,685
and tell us what to do.
878
00:52:15,769 --> 00:52:18,771
When in reality, you know you're not even
worth a bit of bullshit!
879
00:52:18,897 --> 00:52:20,815
Whoa, Naomi!
880
00:52:20,898 --> 00:52:22,941
Relax.
881
00:52:23,067 --> 00:52:26,361
Relax, woman.
882
00:52:26,487 --> 00:52:31,241
I guess if you become manager, you won't
be able to date any of the waitresses.
883
00:52:31,533 --> 00:52:34,910
While working here, you'll probably find some
of your fellow employees attractive.
884
00:52:35,036 --> 00:52:39,081
It's okay. There's nothing
wrong with that.
885
00:52:39,207 --> 00:52:41,876
But it's important
not to act on those urges.
886
00:52:42,001 --> 00:52:45,378
For Shenaniganz to run like an efficient,
well-oiled machine,
887
00:52:45,504 --> 00:52:48,923
it's a must that
everyone act as a team.
888
00:52:49,049 --> 00:52:52,802
And when employees date each other,
unfortunately, it complicates things.
889
00:52:52,927 --> 00:52:54,219
So for that reason
890
00:52:54,345 --> 00:52:58,098
we strongly discourage
such relationships from forming.
891
00:52:58,224 --> 00:53:01,226
- Dean, Amy, I just sat you.
- Oh, shit. What do we got?
892
00:53:01,351 --> 00:53:04,437
Well, yours are cool.
They look like business people.
893
00:53:04,563 --> 00:53:06,522
- All right.
- What about mine?
894
00:53:06,648 --> 00:53:08,858
I don't know.
They don't speak English.
895
00:53:08,942 --> 00:53:10,526
- Foreigners!
- I'm sorry.
896
00:53:10,610 --> 00:53:15,322
- Are you mad at me?
- No, I swear. I'm just going by the rotation.
897
00:53:15,448 --> 00:53:20,744
I fuckin' hate foreigners!
It's such bullshit!
898
00:53:20,827 --> 00:53:22,495
Like they don't know how to tip?
Oh, they know.
899
00:53:22,621 --> 00:53:24,580
Aw, yeah, they fuckin' know.
900
00:53:24,706 --> 00:53:28,959
All right.
It's time to show the goat.
901
00:53:34,006 --> 00:53:36,633
You could cut through shoes
if you had to.
902
00:53:36,759 --> 00:53:40,261
- I mean...
- What are you doing, man?
903
00:53:40,386 --> 00:53:42,471
Frontline stuff. Watch this.
Watch this.
904
00:53:42,597 --> 00:53:45,265
We have just been cutting things
90 to nothing.
905
00:53:45,350 --> 00:53:47,976
And the cooks, they just
love it because every time...
906
00:53:48,261 --> 00:53:50,200
Hast du die Blonde gesehen?
Das ist ja unglaublich!
907
00:53:50,729 --> 00:53:54,607
Hey, there, folks. My name is Amy,
and I'll be taking care of you.
908
00:53:59,530 --> 00:54:02,782
- Sir, what can I get for you?
- I'd like a New York strip, mid rare,
909
00:54:02,907 --> 00:54:05,784
and a baked potato with
sour cream and chives only.
910
00:54:05,868 --> 00:54:08,829
And... Hey. You're not
writing any of this down.
911
00:54:08,955 --> 00:54:12,624
Oh. Steel-trap.
912
00:54:12,707 --> 00:54:14,625
You got the baby back ribs
with fries,
913
00:54:14,751 --> 00:54:18,045
you got the Mandingo chicken with rice
and a salad with a side of blue cheese.
914
00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:20,631
I respect
the lactose intolerance.
915
00:54:20,714 --> 00:54:22,882
Okay. Okay, you're good.
916
00:54:28,681 --> 00:54:33,226
Haley is so fuckin' fine, you know I be all up
in that shit. Give her the bowling ball grip.
917
00:54:33,351 --> 00:54:36,812
Two in the pink,
one in the stink.
918
00:54:41,275 --> 00:54:44,444
You guys are so one-dimensional.
919
00:54:46,613 --> 00:54:48,406
Well, fuck you, whitey.
920
00:54:49,700 --> 00:54:53,494
I just sat you.
You're gonna love them.
921
00:55:02,878 --> 00:55:06,130
Hey, there, ladies.
My name is Monty.
922
00:55:18,392 --> 00:55:21,352
Hey, Floyd, make sure there's no bacon
on that chef salad. It's against her religion.
923
00:55:21,478 --> 00:55:24,062
- All right?
- Yes, master. Right away, master.
924
00:55:24,189 --> 00:55:26,356
Ain't gonna be no bacon
on the salad, master.
925
00:55:26,483 --> 00:55:30,903
No bacon. Oh, no, no.
Oh, no, no. Please. Oh.
926
00:55:31,029 --> 00:55:33,447
Oh, no.
927
00:55:33,572 --> 00:55:35,865
No bacon on the salad
928
00:55:43,414 --> 00:55:48,293
So, is there anything else
I can get you folks this evening?
929
00:55:48,419 --> 00:55:51,755
I think I'd like
a hot fudge sundae.
930
00:55:55,634 --> 00:55:59,053
That does sound good.
I'll be right back with that for you.
931
00:56:01,348 --> 00:56:05,184
Like that bitch needs to be
eating dessert anyway.
932
00:56:07,895 --> 00:56:11,856
You know, if you ever want counseling
in anger management or...
933
00:56:13,525 --> 00:56:18,529
alcoholism, I'd be more
than glad to do it for you.
934
00:56:21,032 --> 00:56:23,117
You'd do that for me?
935
00:56:26,787 --> 00:56:30,248
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
936
00:56:30,332 --> 00:56:34,252
But I think I'd rather you just
wash the fucking dishes
937
00:56:34,377 --> 00:56:36,878
and shut the fuck up!
938
00:56:36,963 --> 00:56:41,591
Fucking psychobabble-bullshit
asshole!
939
00:56:42,968 --> 00:56:46,303
Fuckin' bitch.
Son of a bitch, cocksucker.
940
00:56:46,430 --> 00:56:49,432
Fuckin', I hate her.
I hate her!
941
00:57:03,862 --> 00:57:06,363
Fuckin' Nick and T-dog!
942
00:57:19,126 --> 00:57:23,796
That is why we are always on guard
for guests. You never know when...
943
00:57:23,921 --> 00:57:28,008
- Shit.
- So you have to make sure they...
944
00:57:29,051 --> 00:57:31,678
Fuck! Man, no!
945
00:57:31,888 --> 00:57:35,098
If we're gonna beat last year's numbers,
I need you to be more hands-on.
946
00:57:35,182 --> 00:57:38,058
I need you to be sure things
don't fall through the cracks.
947
00:57:38,185 --> 00:57:40,811
Basically, I need you
to be more like Dean here.
948
00:57:40,896 --> 00:57:44,440
I question whether you can
see that by me serving food,
949
00:57:44,565 --> 00:57:47,066
but thank you anyway.
950
00:57:47,193 --> 00:57:50,153
- How is everything, guys?
- Everything's perfect.
951
00:57:50,279 --> 00:57:51,571
You're a master of your craft.
952
00:57:51,697 --> 00:57:53,782
Thanks.
953
00:57:53,865 --> 00:57:56,658
You keep this up, I may just try
to lure you away from this place.
954
00:57:58,203 --> 00:58:00,245
All right.
Well, thank you, sir.
955
00:58:00,371 --> 00:58:03,499
Let me know if
you need anything, guys.
956
00:58:03,582 --> 00:58:07,835
You're probably wondering what makes
Shenaniganz such a great restaurant.
957
00:58:07,961 --> 00:58:10,713
So I thought I'd share with you
a few key examples
958
00:58:10,839 --> 00:58:13,132
of why we've had so much success.
959
00:58:13,925 --> 00:58:17,219
First of all,
our entr�es are always cooked
960
00:58:17,345 --> 00:58:19,805
exquisitely to perfection.
961
00:58:19,889 --> 00:58:23,100
Our deserts were designed
by gourmet chefs.
962
00:58:23,225 --> 00:58:26,352
We always treat our guests
with respect and dignity.
963
00:58:26,478 --> 00:58:28,062
Did you see the tits
on table 12?
964
00:58:28,188 --> 00:58:30,689
We treat each other
with respect and dignity.
965
00:58:30,816 --> 00:58:32,274
Fuckin'-ass pervert!
966
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:37,154
Remember, the difference between ordinary
and extraordinary
967
00:58:37,238 --> 00:58:39,072
is that little extra.
968
00:58:39,198 --> 00:58:44,244
The penis just looks ridiculous.
It's like a shriveled roll of dimes or something.
969
00:58:44,369 --> 00:58:46,036
I know. It's a joke.
970
00:58:46,162 --> 00:58:48,080
- She's in love.
- Hey, Tyla.
971
00:58:48,206 --> 00:58:51,166
You gonna talk to your girlfriend all night
or make my drink?
972
00:59:00,717 --> 00:59:03,970
That's okay.
I understand how it works.
973
00:59:04,095 --> 00:59:07,764
Birds of a feather
flock to vagina.
974
00:59:16,565 --> 00:59:19,108
Get off your ass and get help!
975
00:59:19,234 --> 00:59:20,860
You want some help, bitch?
976
00:59:24,447 --> 00:59:26,406
Here you go.
977
00:59:29,118 --> 00:59:31,619
Theodore! What the heck
are you doing?
978
00:59:31,746 --> 00:59:35,415
How many times I told you?
My name is T-dog, bitch!
979
00:59:35,540 --> 00:59:39,960
My name is T-dog, bitch!
My name is T-dog, bitch!
980
00:59:41,045 --> 00:59:45,758
Hey, sweetie. It's almost 9:00.
I just came to say good-bye.
981
00:59:47,593 --> 00:59:49,051
Hey, baby.
982
00:59:49,178 --> 00:59:52,138
You wanna go in the car
and have a little sex?
983
01:00:02,023 --> 01:00:06,485
So what if there's plenty of parking spaces?
It's the principle of the matter.
984
01:00:06,610 --> 01:00:09,320
Hey, you're preaching to the choir here.
Know what I mean?
985
01:00:09,446 --> 01:00:12,907
The lord giveth, the lord taketh away.
986
01:00:13,033 --> 01:00:14,283
Damn, come on.
987
01:00:19,747 --> 01:00:21,831
What the fuck?
988
01:00:23,917 --> 01:00:26,460
Here you go, sir. Once again,
I hope you enjoyed everything.
989
01:00:26,586 --> 01:00:27,795
- Thanks.
- See you guys.
990
01:00:27,879 --> 01:00:30,422
Dean, I wanna tell you,
you did an extraordinary job.
991
01:00:30,507 --> 01:00:32,049
Oh, thank you, sir.
992
01:00:32,175 --> 01:00:34,426
- How old are you?
- I'm 22.
993
01:00:34,510 --> 01:00:37,220
Well, you're obviously
a very intelligent young man.
994
01:00:37,346 --> 01:00:39,764
Let me give you my card.
995
01:00:39,848 --> 01:00:42,433
Ever get tired of this place,
you're looking for a new opportunity,
996
01:00:42,518 --> 01:00:44,769
- you give me a call.
- All right.
997
01:00:44,852 --> 01:00:47,145
Thank you, sir.
I honestly appreciate that.
998
01:00:47,271 --> 01:00:50,148
Great. All right.
Have a good night, guys.
999
01:00:50,233 --> 01:00:52,025
Thanks again. Thank you.
1000
01:00:54,444 --> 01:00:56,112
Well, I hope he calls.
1001
01:01:09,291 --> 01:01:12,669
Mama said they's my magic shoes.
1002
01:01:12,795 --> 01:01:14,629
Mama said they'd
take me anywhere.
1003
01:01:14,712 --> 01:01:17,965
Of course, Mama used to beat me
with a rubber hose, call me a retard.
1004
01:01:18,049 --> 01:01:20,968
Dude, please stop.
Stop. Okay?
1005
01:01:21,052 --> 01:01:24,054
I appreciate what
you're trying to do. I do.
1006
01:01:24,180 --> 01:01:28,100
But, dude, I'm really not in the mood
for smiling, all right?
1007
01:01:28,225 --> 01:01:29,350
Okay.
1008
01:01:29,476 --> 01:01:31,728
- What?
- The old lady at table 37 wants you to sing
1009
01:01:31,854 --> 01:01:33,396
the birthday song
for her grandson.
1010
01:01:33,522 --> 01:01:36,649
His name is Timmy,
and he's eight years old.
1011
01:01:38,234 --> 01:01:39,818
I need birthday singers!
1012
01:01:39,902 --> 01:01:43,530
- Come on, people! We need birthday singers!
- Fuck.
1013
01:01:48,452 --> 01:01:51,954
There he is.
There's the big winner.
1014
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:54,623
- Yeah!
- Hey.
1015
01:01:54,749 --> 01:01:57,000
All right. Attention, guests!
1016
01:01:57,084 --> 01:02:02,297
Today's a very special occasion.
It's Timmy's eighth birthday!
1017
01:02:02,423 --> 01:02:05,967
Big round of applause.
He's earned it.
1018
01:02:06,092 --> 01:02:08,510
He's got his whole life ahead of him.
The sky's the limit.
1019
01:02:08,595 --> 01:02:10,888
I don't know but I've been told
1020
01:02:10,972 --> 01:02:12,765
Someone here is getting old
1021
01:02:12,891 --> 01:02:14,850
Good news is dessert is free
1022
01:02:14,933 --> 01:02:16,809
Bad news is we sing off-key
1023
01:02:16,894 --> 01:02:18,770
Happy birthday
1024
01:02:18,896 --> 01:02:20,396
To you
1025
01:02:25,568 --> 01:02:29,654
- Look at the camera!
- Picture time.
1026
01:02:32,075 --> 01:02:34,534
- All right. All right.
- Cry it off.
1027
01:02:34,660 --> 01:02:37,079
Well, we can't go
in the parking lot.
1028
01:02:38,121 --> 01:02:40,581
Can't go anywhere
in the kitchen.
1029
01:02:42,501 --> 01:02:44,585
Well, maybe we could...
1030
01:02:44,711 --> 01:02:47,088
We are not having sex
in the bathroom.
1031
01:02:47,213 --> 01:02:49,297
- But...
- No. No way. Forget it.
1032
01:02:51,801 --> 01:02:55,970
Oh. Come on, baby.
1033
01:02:57,555 --> 01:02:59,807
Come on.
1034
01:03:02,769 --> 01:03:03,852
Okay.
1035
01:03:05,146 --> 01:03:08,440
- Okay, but this is the last time.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1036
01:03:10,192 --> 01:03:12,610
So where do you girls
go to college?
1037
01:03:14,363 --> 01:03:16,280
Actually, we're still
in high school.
1038
01:03:16,364 --> 01:03:19,533
You're kidding.
How old are you girls?
1039
01:03:19,659 --> 01:03:21,326
Sixteen.
1040
01:03:21,452 --> 01:03:23,203
Wow.
1041
01:03:23,329 --> 01:03:29,126
You look a lot older than that.
I would've guessed 19, 20, maybe 21.
1042
01:03:29,251 --> 01:03:31,043
Yeah, we get that a lot.
1043
01:03:34,339 --> 01:03:36,716
Here. Let me give you
a hand with that.
1044
01:03:36,841 --> 01:03:39,300
It's the stupid childproof lighters.
1045
01:03:42,096 --> 01:03:45,140
Hey, Bishop. Can I talk
to you about something?
1046
01:03:45,266 --> 01:03:46,808
Yeah, sure. Have a seat.
1047
01:03:46,933 --> 01:03:48,475
Thanks.
1048
01:03:51,688 --> 01:03:54,898
All right, so I went
to my mother's this morning.
1049
01:03:54,983 --> 01:03:57,359
You've been working here, what?
About a year and four months, right?
1050
01:03:57,484 --> 01:04:00,319
Yeah, I guess. About.
1051
01:04:00,404 --> 01:04:04,615
- But anyway, we have a good relationship...
- About three years ago,
1052
01:04:04,700 --> 01:04:07,910
this restaurant went through
quite a low point.
1053
01:04:07,994 --> 01:04:11,413
Okay, I'm sorry. Did you wanna hear
what I was gonna say or...
1054
01:04:11,539 --> 01:04:15,333
Please. See, the store morale
was beginning to slip.
1055
01:04:15,460 --> 01:04:17,961
Clientele base began
dropping off.
1056
01:04:18,086 --> 01:04:20,212
That of course, led to lower tips,
which in time,
1057
01:04:20,338 --> 01:04:22,298
led to an even lower
store morale.
1058
01:04:22,382 --> 01:04:27,011
Basically, the entire restaurant was going
through quite a downward spiral.
1059
01:04:27,136 --> 01:04:29,179
Okay.
1060
01:04:29,305 --> 01:04:32,474
Then Raddimus began
working here.
1061
01:04:32,558 --> 01:04:36,394
And with him came the penis-showin' game
you all like to play.
1062
01:04:36,519 --> 01:04:40,856
Okay, l... Why are you
telling me this?
1063
01:04:40,982 --> 01:04:43,233
Restaurant began to improve.
1064
01:04:43,359 --> 01:04:47,905
Employees started having more fun at work.
They started joking around a lot more,
1065
01:04:48,030 --> 01:04:51,115
which led to a raise in the clientele base,
higher tips
1066
01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:52,867
and so on and so forth.
1067
01:04:52,951 --> 01:04:56,996
Yeah, I still don't understand, Bishop.
1068
01:04:57,121 --> 01:04:58,830
Point is,
1069
01:04:59,999 --> 01:05:03,251
the penis-showin' game
became a catalyst
1070
01:05:03,378 --> 01:05:06,338
for the change necessary
to be made in the restaurant.
1071
01:05:07,714 --> 01:05:12,885
So, when things in your life
become stagnant.
1072
01:05:12,969 --> 01:05:17,098
You know, you're no longer happy
with what you're doing.
1073
01:05:17,223 --> 01:05:20,558
Then you figure out
what's important to you.
1074
01:05:20,684 --> 01:05:25,105
Then create your own
penis-showin' game.
1075
01:05:26,232 --> 01:05:28,566
Metaphorically speaking,
that is.
1076
01:05:31,194 --> 01:05:34,029
Okay. Okay, thanks, Bishop.
1077
01:05:37,408 --> 01:05:42,328
So do you think taking the assistant manager
job would be like my penis-showing game?
1078
01:05:42,454 --> 01:05:44,330
Is that what you're saying?
1079
01:05:47,709 --> 01:05:49,418
Okay.
1080
01:05:50,878 --> 01:05:53,130
Where the hell is it?
It's been over half an hour!
1081
01:05:53,256 --> 01:05:55,632
Told you it'd be up in a minute!
Get out of my face or I'll lose your ticket!
1082
01:05:55,758 --> 01:05:59,136
What? What do you want?
Get back to the training room, you ass cock!
1083
01:05:59,261 --> 01:06:02,972
Goddamn it! I hate these fuckin' cooks.
I hate them!
1084
01:06:03,098 --> 01:06:05,725
Twenty minutes for two medium-rare steaks?
This is bullshit.
1085
01:06:05,809 --> 01:06:10,229
What the hell? They need to get rid of every
single one of these lousy cocksucking mother...
1086
01:06:10,312 --> 01:06:12,981
So how is everything?
1087
01:06:16,985 --> 01:06:18,485
Give me a call
when you get this.
1088
01:06:18,611 --> 01:06:21,613
Can you bring this to table 75?
I gotta try to take a piss.
1089
01:06:21,740 --> 01:06:25,242
- Okay, good luck.
- Thanks.
1090
01:06:25,368 --> 01:06:28,787
Okay, so how would you like
your steak prepared?
1091
01:06:28,912 --> 01:06:32,415
Oh, let's see.
Medium, medium-rare.
1092
01:06:32,541 --> 01:06:36,044
Well, I want a hot, pink center.
1093
01:06:36,128 --> 01:06:37,962
Don't we all?
1094
01:06:40,131 --> 01:06:42,841
All right. Do you know
what you guys want?
1095
01:06:42,967 --> 01:06:46,428
- I'd like a tossed salad, please.
- Oh, you're bad.
1096
01:06:46,554 --> 01:06:48,597
Yo, girl, give me
the instant camera.
1097
01:06:48,722 --> 01:06:52,141
Yo, there's a birthday party in the kitchen.
We're gonna take a picture.
1098
01:06:52,267 --> 01:06:54,894
Bus table 73 first,
and then I'll give you the camera.
1099
01:06:55,020 --> 01:06:57,313
Yeah, whatever.
1100
01:06:57,396 --> 01:06:59,606
Ma'am, I don't doubt
the steak was overcooked,
1101
01:06:59,690 --> 01:07:02,359
but did you have to eat it all
before you complained about it?
1102
01:07:02,485 --> 01:07:05,987
It's too bad chlamydia has to be a venereal
disease. It's such a pleasant-sounding word.
1103
01:07:06,113 --> 01:07:07,864
- Chlamydia?
- Chlamydia.
1104
01:07:07,989 --> 01:07:11,241
Chlamydia. I think I might
name my daughter Chlamydia.
1105
01:07:11,326 --> 01:07:15,496
Okay, he wanted the jumbo shrimp
with baked potato, and she wanted the...
1106
01:07:15,622 --> 01:07:17,498
Fuck. What did she order?
1107
01:07:17,581 --> 01:07:18,956
- I can't.
- Hothead.
1108
01:07:20,876 --> 01:07:24,504
Hi. Here's your change.
I hope you guys have a really nice evening.
1109
01:07:40,727 --> 01:07:45,606
- Fuck.
- Hurry up. Come on.
1110
01:07:45,732 --> 01:07:47,108
What's taking so long?
1111
01:07:47,192 --> 01:07:48,943
Shh. I'm trying to concentrate.
1112
01:07:49,068 --> 01:07:50,735
Somebody here?
1113
01:07:50,861 --> 01:07:52,278
Hurry up.
1114
01:07:52,363 --> 01:07:53,780
This is crazy.
1115
01:07:53,906 --> 01:07:55,198
Shh, shh, shh.
1116
01:07:55,324 --> 01:07:56,825
No, no. Stop. Stop.
1117
01:07:56,951 --> 01:08:00,203
- Here we go.
- Oh, God!
1118
01:08:04,624 --> 01:08:07,543
- My fuckin' man! Yeah, man!
- You like that?
1119
01:08:07,669 --> 01:08:09,753
Yo, give me the fucking picture back.
1120
01:08:37,696 --> 01:08:41,198
So, what are you doing tonight?
1121
01:08:41,323 --> 01:08:43,658
Oh, I'm sure I'll end up
at the party.
1122
01:08:45,244 --> 01:08:46,494
Oh, yeah?
1123
01:08:50,123 --> 01:08:51,749
Do you...
1124
01:08:53,710 --> 01:08:55,169
Do you think l...
1125
01:08:56,254 --> 01:08:58,797
- You wanna come to the party?
- Well, yeah.
1126
01:08:58,922 --> 01:09:03,009
Those guys, they always seem to forget
to tell me where it's at.
1127
01:09:03,135 --> 01:09:06,846
Okay. As soon as
I find out where it is,
1128
01:09:06,972 --> 01:09:09,974
I'll make sure
to give you directions.
1129
01:09:10,099 --> 01:09:15,562
Well, then. Tonight should be a good night
for both of us, huh?
1130
01:09:21,026 --> 01:09:22,985
Only 30 more minutes
to go, man.
1131
01:09:23,111 --> 01:09:26,280
We better not have no late-night asshole
comin' in here.
1132
01:09:26,406 --> 01:09:28,157
So how'd y'all do tonight?
1133
01:09:28,283 --> 01:09:31,869
- I made about 70.
- 86.
1134
01:09:31,994 --> 01:09:34,621
I made 67 on a double.
1135
01:09:34,705 --> 01:09:37,207
Oh, God.
How pissed are you?
1136
01:09:37,291 --> 01:09:39,709
- How much did you make?
- A bill.
1137
01:09:39,834 --> 01:09:44,254
I never make... How do you make
a hundred dollars every night?
1138
01:09:44,381 --> 01:09:45,714
- You wanna know?
- Yeah.
1139
01:09:45,840 --> 01:09:48,676
You really wanna know how I make
a hundred dollars every night?
1140
01:09:48,801 --> 01:09:51,678
- Yes.
- It's all about that right there.
1141
01:09:53,972 --> 01:09:55,598
Yes!
1142
01:09:55,683 --> 01:09:57,183
Yes!
1143
01:09:57,309 --> 01:09:59,060
Monty with the assist!
1144
01:09:59,185 --> 01:10:01,311
I can't believe how many homos
we got working in here.
1145
01:10:01,437 --> 01:10:04,648
It's crazy.
Mitch, cherry-popping time.
1146
01:10:04,774 --> 01:10:07,734
Okay, Monty, my bitch.
Kick me a field goal.
1147
01:10:07,819 --> 01:10:09,569
You know what?
I don't understand.
1148
01:10:09,653 --> 01:10:13,447
You plot and you scheme on how to
get the other person to look at your goat
1149
01:10:13,532 --> 01:10:15,366
or chicken wing or whatever.
1150
01:10:15,492 --> 01:10:18,411
And then when he looks,
you call him a fag.
1151
01:10:18,495 --> 01:10:22,415
It's like it's an exercise
in retarded homophobic futility.
1152
01:10:22,498 --> 01:10:24,207
You know you girls love it.
1153
01:10:24,333 --> 01:10:28,294
So, seriously, ladies,
why don't you wanna play the game?
1154
01:10:28,379 --> 01:10:30,547
I really think that we'd be willing
to amend the rules for you.
1155
01:10:30,672 --> 01:10:34,049
- Oh, yeah. I bet you would.
- No girl would ever play that game.
1156
01:10:34,175 --> 01:10:35,217
Why not?
1157
01:10:35,343 --> 01:10:36,885
- You wanna know why?
- Yeah.
1158
01:10:37,012 --> 01:10:39,221
- You really wanna know why?
- I really do.
1159
01:10:39,346 --> 01:10:42,390
Okay. I'll tell you why.
1160
01:10:42,516 --> 01:10:45,059
- It's because of this!
- Oh!
1161
01:10:45,185 --> 01:10:47,729
Oh, yeah. Bang.
Pow! Pow! Pow!
1162
01:10:47,855 --> 01:10:49,689
It's so angry!
1163
01:10:50,523 --> 01:10:53,150
Oh, God.
Does that thing have its shots?
1164
01:10:53,234 --> 01:10:57,362
- Put it away. Put it away.
- Dinner is served!
1165
01:10:58,197 --> 01:10:59,406
Oh, my God.
1166
01:10:59,531 --> 01:11:03,492
Well, it's official.
Now my penis is just for show.
1167
01:11:03,618 --> 01:11:06,329
Mitch, you picked a fucked-up night
to start working here.
1168
01:11:06,496 --> 01:11:08,873
- Oh, my God.
- Bend over, boys.
1169
01:11:08,957 --> 01:11:11,876
Oh, it's ladies' time.
1170
01:11:14,420 --> 01:11:17,505
- Spread 'em. Let's go.
- All right. That's enough.
1171
01:11:19,883 --> 01:11:22,009
You loved it.
1172
01:11:22,093 --> 01:11:24,636
- Mitch, you're coming to the party tonight?
- Well, yeah...
1173
01:11:24,721 --> 01:11:26,221
Great. Let's get
this party started then.
1174
01:11:26,348 --> 01:11:28,557
I gotta stop home first.
I'll meet you there.
1175
01:11:28,683 --> 01:11:30,851
Why do you have to go home?
1176
01:11:30,934 --> 01:11:33,603
Oh. Right. Sorry, Calvin.
1177
01:11:35,147 --> 01:11:37,398
Okay, baby doll,
you're definitely coming, right?
1178
01:11:37,483 --> 01:11:40,026
If you do everything right,
I will.
1179
01:11:40,109 --> 01:11:43,862
Oh, God, Natasha, you're gonna have
to stop that. You're making it hard.
1180
01:11:43,946 --> 01:11:45,530
I mean, difficult.
1181
01:11:45,615 --> 01:11:47,991
Hey, Cochise, we're out.
I'll see you, okay?
1182
01:11:48,117 --> 01:11:50,744
Yeah. I'll see you there.
1183
01:11:50,869 --> 01:11:53,704
Okay, I am so ready
to get stupid.
1184
01:11:58,293 --> 01:12:02,505
Only three more minutes
till the ball drop, baby. Come on.
1185
01:12:02,588 --> 01:12:03,672
Come on.
1186
01:12:07,134 --> 01:12:11,054
- Oh, hi there.
- You're not closed yet, are you?
1187
01:12:11,763 --> 01:12:14,098
- Not quite.
- Oh, terrific.
1188
01:12:16,851 --> 01:12:19,561
- Great.
- Here you go.
1189
01:12:19,646 --> 01:12:21,730
And Dean will be
your waiter this evening.
1190
01:12:21,814 --> 01:12:24,107
Awesome.
1191
01:12:29,154 --> 01:12:32,073
Hey, there, folks. My name is Dean.
I'll be your waiter this evening.
1192
01:12:32,156 --> 01:12:33,448
Hello, Dean.
1193
01:12:36,786 --> 01:12:39,496
Hey, Chet.
1194
01:12:41,331 --> 01:12:43,290
I'm sorry, guys.
1195
01:12:47,921 --> 01:12:52,466
Why? Why? Why? Why?
1196
01:12:52,591 --> 01:12:55,301
Okay, so I'll go ahead
and put your order in,
1197
01:12:55,386 --> 01:12:57,429
and maybe when I come back
we'll catch up a bit.
1198
01:12:57,513 --> 01:13:01,307
- Yeah, sounds good.
- Cool.
1199
01:13:06,312 --> 01:13:09,273
Oops. How clumsy of me.
1200
01:13:15,654 --> 01:13:19,824
Oh, man, look what I did.
I'm all thumbs today.
1201
01:13:19,908 --> 01:13:23,328
All right, guys. Here you go, Chet.
You got a steak.
1202
01:13:23,453 --> 01:13:25,454
So, did you hear?
I got my bachelor's degree.
1203
01:13:25,538 --> 01:13:27,622
Yeah, yeah.
My mother told me.
1204
01:13:27,707 --> 01:13:30,292
- That's really cool. Congratulations.
- Yeah.
1205
01:13:30,376 --> 01:13:33,462
- Yeah, I heard you were working here.
- Yeah.
1206
01:13:33,545 --> 01:13:38,591
Anyway. Yeah. I just started my new career.
They're starting me off at 48,000 a year.
1207
01:13:38,675 --> 01:13:40,634
Wow. Wow.
1208
01:13:40,718 --> 01:13:43,595
Yeah, I've been looking at houses.
It's really exciting.
1209
01:13:43,679 --> 01:13:44,888
I'll bet.
1210
01:13:45,014 --> 01:13:48,016
- So what have you been doing?
- Oh, you know.
1211
01:13:48,142 --> 01:13:51,978
Well, I've been working here,
obviously.
1212
01:13:52,062 --> 01:13:55,814
And I'm still finishing up at C.C.,
taking a few more classes.
1213
01:13:55,899 --> 01:13:58,567
I was actually thinking about
taking an assistant manager...
1214
01:13:58,693 --> 01:14:00,444
Could I get some more tea?
1215
01:14:02,154 --> 01:14:04,822
Sure. Yeah.
1216
01:14:07,284 --> 01:14:09,702
Coming right up.
1217
01:14:11,037 --> 01:14:13,872
Hey, Dan, man, we outta here.
1218
01:14:20,505 --> 01:14:22,547
Okay, Dan,
I'm just leaving now.
1219
01:14:22,673 --> 01:14:25,383
But here are the directions
to the party.
1220
01:14:25,509 --> 01:14:27,718
What time are you coming over?
1221
01:14:27,844 --> 01:14:29,887
I should be out of here soon.
1222
01:14:30,013 --> 01:14:31,722
I'm gonna go home and change
1223
01:14:31,847 --> 01:14:34,140
and be right over.
1224
01:14:34,225 --> 01:14:35,433
Okay.
1225
01:14:35,559 --> 01:14:39,521
I just wanna warn you,
I might be really drunk tonight.
1226
01:14:39,605 --> 01:14:41,564
I hope you won't
think less of me.
1227
01:14:41,690 --> 01:14:43,983
No. No, I'm not.
1228
01:14:44,067 --> 01:14:45,693
I won't.
1229
01:14:45,777 --> 01:14:48,737
Okay. Well, I'll see you there.
1230
01:14:55,911 --> 01:14:56,953
Fuck.
1231
01:14:59,248 --> 01:15:01,666
- Dean, really, it's...
- No.
1232
01:15:01,749 --> 01:15:03,583
It's what?
1233
01:15:07,839 --> 01:15:10,424
Here you go, Chet.
It was nice seeing you again.
1234
01:15:10,550 --> 01:15:13,343
Yeah, you too, Dean.
Listen.
1235
01:15:13,468 --> 01:15:15,970
You take care of yourself.
1236
01:15:17,389 --> 01:15:19,473
You too. Okay.
1237
01:15:33,028 --> 01:15:34,695
How much did he leave you?
1238
01:15:36,239 --> 01:15:37,865
He must have made
a mistake.
1239
01:15:52,795 --> 01:15:55,505
Chet, Chet.
I think you made a mistake.
1240
01:15:55,632 --> 01:15:58,467
- You gave me a hundred dollar bill.
- No, it's all there.
1241
01:15:58,551 --> 01:16:03,597
- We're straight.
- The check's only $31. That's like a $70 tip.
1242
01:16:03,680 --> 01:16:07,892
Look, I just thought maybe
you needed it more than I do.
1243
01:16:24,324 --> 01:16:25,866
Hey! Dean.
1244
01:16:28,995 --> 01:16:31,789
Have you thought about it?
1245
01:16:31,873 --> 01:16:34,041
You want that
assistant manager job?
1246
01:16:41,298 --> 01:16:43,675
- 'Weiser?
- No, thanks.
1247
01:16:53,642 --> 01:16:55,434
Look...
1248
01:16:56,561 --> 01:16:58,604
Hello? Hey, Christy.
1249
01:16:58,689 --> 01:17:00,064
What's up?
1250
01:17:01,358 --> 01:17:02,942
No, I'm not.
No, I was just...
1251
01:17:05,194 --> 01:17:06,236
Oh.
1252
01:17:08,197 --> 01:17:10,573
Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
1253
01:17:10,700 --> 01:17:12,951
Okay. Bye. Bye.
1254
01:17:13,034 --> 01:17:14,910
Bye.
1255
01:17:16,079 --> 01:17:20,374
- What's up with Christy?
- Oh, she's...
1256
01:17:20,500 --> 01:17:22,584
She's on a date.
1257
01:17:22,710 --> 01:17:25,295
That's why she wanted me
to cover her shift.
1258
01:17:25,379 --> 01:17:27,171
She's... She's still with him.
1259
01:17:27,256 --> 01:17:30,550
God, that's it.
1260
01:17:30,634 --> 01:17:33,553
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna change.
1261
01:17:33,636 --> 01:17:35,220
Well, good.
1262
01:17:35,346 --> 01:17:37,306
You should start tonight.
1263
01:17:37,390 --> 01:17:41,101
- Go get one of those high school girls.
- You think?
1264
01:17:41,227 --> 01:17:44,271
Mitch, I want you to know
that you did a really great job today.
1265
01:17:44,396 --> 01:17:48,858
And you didn't even cry once, which
is more than I can say for my last trainee.
1266
01:17:48,984 --> 01:17:53,904
So, honestly, you think you can
handle working here?
1267
01:17:56,115 --> 01:17:59,909
- Yeah...
- Hey, fuck off for a second. I'll be right back.
1268
01:18:02,121 --> 01:18:04,664
Hey, whoa. Amy called,
she told me what happened.
1269
01:18:04,748 --> 01:18:06,999
You know what?
Fuck Chet Miller.
1270
01:18:07,083 --> 01:18:09,126
Hey, man, relax.
1271
01:18:09,252 --> 01:18:10,794
All right?
Relax. I'm okay.
1272
01:18:10,920 --> 01:18:12,046
You serious?
1273
01:18:12,130 --> 01:18:15,007
- I'd be ready to kill someone.
- No, you know what?
1274
01:18:15,090 --> 01:18:17,091
I'm glad he came in.
I really am.
1275
01:18:17,217 --> 01:18:21,054
Yeah, he was a prick, and at first
I was so fucking pissed off,
1276
01:18:21,138 --> 01:18:23,264
but it was weird.
1277
01:18:23,389 --> 01:18:26,892
In one second, it all just kind
of snapped into perspective.
1278
01:18:27,018 --> 01:18:30,520
Please, elaborate.
Did you talk to Dan?
1279
01:18:30,605 --> 01:18:34,066
Do you want
the assistant manager job?
1280
01:18:35,150 --> 01:18:36,108
No.
1281
01:18:37,402 --> 01:18:38,527
I quit.
1282
01:18:38,612 --> 01:18:40,363
What?
1283
01:18:40,447 --> 01:18:43,449
You know, I thought about it.
I thought a lot about it
1284
01:18:43,574 --> 01:18:46,076
and I know I don't wanna
wait tables anymore.
1285
01:18:46,202 --> 01:18:47,953
This is all temporary.
1286
01:18:48,079 --> 01:18:49,996
This is supposed to be
the in-between time.
1287
01:18:50,122 --> 01:18:52,457
If I become an assistant manager,
1288
01:18:52,541 --> 01:18:54,960
it's just one more step
towards permanence.
1289
01:18:55,043 --> 01:18:56,585
Fuck that, man.
No way.
1290
01:18:56,670 --> 01:18:59,672
So you've really...
1291
01:19:03,176 --> 01:19:06,595
What did Dan say
when you told him you quit?
1292
01:19:06,679 --> 01:19:10,932
You're flushing a golden opportunity
down the toilet.
1293
01:19:11,016 --> 01:19:14,018
And just so you know,
Hot Dog,
1294
01:19:14,143 --> 01:19:17,646
if you do come back,
this job won't be here for you.
1295
01:19:17,772 --> 01:19:19,523
- I hope you're right.
- I am right!
1296
01:19:19,649 --> 01:19:23,151
- You're fired!
- I mean, I already quit, so...
1297
01:19:23,278 --> 01:19:24,987
No, you're fired!
1298
01:19:25,070 --> 01:19:27,113
I write the book, okay?
1299
01:19:27,239 --> 01:19:29,490
Here's how it went down.
You walked in...
1300
01:19:29,616 --> 01:19:31,117
You're fired!
1301
01:19:31,243 --> 01:19:34,370
All right. Then, thanks for being
so mature about this and professional.
1302
01:19:34,495 --> 01:19:36,579
I was very professional.
You're fired.
1303
01:19:36,664 --> 01:19:37,789
All right.
1304
01:19:37,873 --> 01:19:40,875
Get out!
Get out of my sight!
1305
01:19:41,085 --> 01:19:43,461
- That's harsh.
- Yeah.
1306
01:19:43,546 --> 01:19:45,922
He'll be cryin' himself to sleep tonight
on his cock-shaped pillow.
1307
01:19:48,591 --> 01:19:50,092
What are you gonna do now?
1308
01:19:50,176 --> 01:19:52,094
I don't know.
1309
01:19:53,179 --> 01:19:54,805
I don't know.
1310
01:19:56,056 --> 01:19:58,016
I'm definitely gonna do somethin'.
1311
01:19:58,100 --> 01:19:59,934
Fuck it.
1312
01:20:00,019 --> 01:20:01,811
Let's go out there,
let's celebrate,
1313
01:20:01,895 --> 01:20:05,440
let's just get totally fucking annihilated,
hammered-ass drunk
1314
01:20:05,523 --> 01:20:07,733
and then run the train
on Amy.
1315
01:20:07,859 --> 01:20:08,817
Fuck.
1316
01:20:08,901 --> 01:20:10,694
You really are
an asshole, man.
1317
01:20:10,778 --> 01:20:12,571
So I'm told.
1318
01:20:14,115 --> 01:20:15,574
You're a good friend too.
1319
01:20:15,699 --> 01:20:19,452
Let's just keep that on the DL.
I'm all about low expectations.
1320
01:20:19,536 --> 01:20:21,579
What, are you
flirting with me?
1321
01:20:23,707 --> 01:20:25,583
Oh, by the way, Cal.
1322
01:20:25,708 --> 01:20:29,044
I've been thinking about
your public bathroom phobia.
1323
01:20:29,128 --> 01:20:31,254
- Yeah?
- I believe I have a solution.
1324
01:20:31,380 --> 01:20:33,840
Really? What is it?
1325
01:20:33,924 --> 01:20:37,344
- Tell me what to do.
- Okay, but first,
1326
01:20:37,427 --> 01:20:39,011
close your eyes.
1327
01:20:39,095 --> 01:20:41,805
Close my... Okay.
1328
01:20:42,849 --> 01:20:44,350
Now...
1329
01:20:44,433 --> 01:20:47,727
envision yourself
at a bathroom urinal.
1330
01:20:47,811 --> 01:20:50,939
With everybody you know
crowded around you.
1331
01:20:52,399 --> 01:20:54,609
They're cheering you on.
1332
01:20:54,734 --> 01:20:57,319
They're chanting your name.
1333
01:20:57,403 --> 01:20:59,947
Not only do they
want you to urinate,
1334
01:21:00,073 --> 01:21:01,448
they wanna see it.
1335
01:21:01,574 --> 01:21:04,993
- Proud of you, buddy!
- Hell, yeah!
1336
01:21:05,077 --> 01:21:08,204
- Fuckin' piss, man!
- We believe in you!
1337
01:21:08,288 --> 01:21:10,748
You can do it!
1338
01:21:10,874 --> 01:21:12,667
You pissing son of a bitch!
1339
01:21:12,751 --> 01:21:16,712
Now, see yourself
urinating, Calvin.
1340
01:21:16,837 --> 01:21:19,965
You can do itl
Do itl
1341
01:21:20,091 --> 01:21:21,841
Do it.
1342
01:21:36,772 --> 01:21:38,606
It's historicl
1343
01:21:38,732 --> 01:21:42,443
So, go ahead and visual that
for the next few weeks.
1344
01:21:42,528 --> 01:21:44,904
Start off at home first,
by yourself.
1345
01:21:44,988 --> 01:21:47,239
Then you can move to a stall,
1346
01:21:47,323 --> 01:21:50,534
and then eventually
to an actual urinal.
1347
01:21:51,786 --> 01:21:53,787
Thanks, Bishop. I mean it.
1348
01:21:53,871 --> 01:21:55,497
That totally makes sense.
1349
01:21:55,622 --> 01:21:58,833
Look, well, you guys,
I'm feelin' good.
1350
01:21:58,959 --> 01:22:02,420
You know what? I'm gonna go talk
to one of those high school girls.
1351
01:22:02,504 --> 01:22:04,547
- Well, good luck with that.
- Thank you.
1352
01:22:13,306 --> 01:22:15,223
So, what grade are you in?
1353
01:22:17,142 --> 01:22:19,310
Oh, look at that.
A bedroom.
1354
01:22:32,156 --> 01:22:33,239
No.
1355
01:22:33,324 --> 01:22:35,867
What? What do you mean?
1356
01:22:35,992 --> 01:22:39,244
You start playing this weird, ambivalence
bullshit, and it makes me feel psycho.
1357
01:22:39,329 --> 01:22:40,746
And I never get psycho!
1358
01:22:40,830 --> 01:22:42,372
I know.
1359
01:22:43,625 --> 01:22:46,084
So I need you
to do me a favor.
1360
01:22:46,168 --> 01:22:48,628
I need you to not be
such a pussy.
1361
01:22:48,712 --> 01:22:52,089
Wow, there's the sass
that I was missin'.
1362
01:22:52,174 --> 01:22:55,301
- You're a flake.
- I know I'm a flake!
1363
01:22:55,385 --> 01:22:57,553
- Fuck you!
- You can't even get a boner.
1364
01:22:57,678 --> 01:22:59,471
Whoa, sorry to interrupt.
1365
01:22:59,555 --> 01:23:01,806
Wait. Hey, Bishop.
1366
01:23:01,891 --> 01:23:04,559
I created my own
penis-showing game.
1367
01:23:06,519 --> 01:23:08,187
So you quit your job.
1368
01:23:09,314 --> 01:23:10,814
How'd you know I quit?
1369
01:23:15,195 --> 01:23:16,528
Wow.
1370
01:23:21,867 --> 01:23:23,368
Are you okay?
1371
01:23:24,411 --> 01:23:26,079
Is somethin' wrong?
1372
01:23:28,957 --> 01:23:31,333
Just checking.
1373
01:23:45,264 --> 01:23:47,598
Wait. Wait, wait.
1374
01:23:48,683 --> 01:23:50,225
What?
1375
01:23:50,351 --> 01:23:54,479
You turn 18
next Wednesday, right?
1376
01:23:55,606 --> 01:23:57,565
Yeah.
1377
01:23:57,649 --> 01:23:59,191
Okay, then...
1378
01:23:59,276 --> 01:24:01,735
Why don't we make this
1379
01:24:01,820 --> 01:24:03,654
a "to be continued...
1380
01:24:04,948 --> 01:24:07,241
until next Wednesday"?
1381
01:24:07,366 --> 01:24:10,743
Why? Do you think
I'm gonna turn you in?
1382
01:24:10,869 --> 01:24:13,496
- You think you're going to get arrested?
- No, no, no.
1383
01:24:13,581 --> 01:24:17,500
I just... I feel like
I don't wanna be...
1384
01:24:17,584 --> 01:24:19,293
taking ad...
1385
01:24:22,880 --> 01:24:25,382
- Let's just wait the week.
- Okay.
1386
01:24:25,508 --> 01:24:26,925
Okay.
1387
01:24:30,304 --> 01:24:33,764
But if anybody asks,
anybody at all,
1388
01:24:33,849 --> 01:24:35,433
I fucked you.
1389
01:24:37,518 --> 01:24:39,144
Twice!
1390
01:24:41,439 --> 01:24:44,024
So, Mitch, how was
your first day?
1391
01:24:46,901 --> 01:24:48,444
Well?
1392
01:24:49,613 --> 01:24:50,738
Well, it was...
1393
01:24:50,864 --> 01:24:53,908
I remember my first day.
1394
01:24:53,992 --> 01:24:56,285
What a doozy, huh?
Bishop, you're gonna love this.
1395
01:24:56,369 --> 01:24:59,830
I was so nervous I dropped
this bowl of soup on a nun.
1396
01:24:59,955 --> 01:25:02,081
Hey, turn down
the music for a minute.
1397
01:25:03,167 --> 01:25:07,295
- Hey, would you turn down the music?
- Dude, chill.
1398
01:25:07,420 --> 01:25:10,422
Would you turn down the fucking music
for a minute! Jesus!
1399
01:25:10,548 --> 01:25:13,300
This is fucking bullshit!
1400
01:25:13,384 --> 01:25:17,262
I have been here all goddamned day
and you haven't let me say one thing!
1401
01:25:17,346 --> 01:25:18,512
None of you!
1402
01:25:18,639 --> 01:25:21,349
- Well, damn, Mitch, l...
- Oh, no, asshole!
1403
01:25:21,475 --> 01:25:25,561
You shut the fuck up now.
It's my turn to talk!
1404
01:25:25,646 --> 01:25:28,272
You're all fucked in the head!
All of you! I mean you...
1405
01:25:28,397 --> 01:25:33,485
Change your fuckin' tampon and have
another drink you crazy, fuckin' bitch!
1406
01:25:33,611 --> 01:25:37,113
And you! "I don't know
what to be when I grow up!"
1407
01:25:37,239 --> 01:25:39,281
Join the fuckin' army
or something!
1408
01:25:39,366 --> 01:25:41,075
Goddamn!
1409
01:25:41,159 --> 01:25:43,619
Oh, and you!
1410
01:25:43,703 --> 01:25:46,121
You know what?
You're too easy.
1411
01:25:47,539 --> 01:25:48,915
And you.
1412
01:25:50,751 --> 01:25:52,710
Fuck you, Monty!
1413
01:25:52,836 --> 01:25:55,338
Always gotta be right,
with your little quips!
1414
01:25:55,464 --> 01:25:58,967
We get it, man.
You're fuckin' edgy and cool. Yeah!
1415
01:25:59,092 --> 01:26:02,511
You're the coolest fuckin' guy
at Shenaniganz!
1416
01:26:02,637 --> 01:26:05,931
That's like being the smartest kid
with Down syndrome!
1417
01:26:07,100 --> 01:26:08,517
Oh, and, oh, yeah.
1418
01:26:08,600 --> 01:26:10,643
Why aren't you in jail?
I mean,
1419
01:26:10,769 --> 01:26:12,436
what are you, like 13, 14?
1420
01:26:12,521 --> 01:26:14,438
She's almost 18.
1421
01:26:14,523 --> 01:26:17,066
You know what?
Fuck this!
1422
01:26:17,192 --> 01:26:18,651
You all suck. I quit.
1423
01:26:22,989 --> 01:26:24,948
Oh, yeah.
1424
01:26:25,032 --> 01:26:27,492
There is one more thing.
1425
01:26:29,828 --> 01:26:30,828
You.
1426
01:26:33,123 --> 01:26:35,332
You are the biggest piece of shit
1427
01:26:35,417 --> 01:26:38,127
in this entire restaurant.
1428
01:26:38,210 --> 01:26:40,169
And I hope you burn in hell.
1429
01:26:40,254 --> 01:26:44,674
Me? What the fuck
did I do to you, man?
1430
01:26:44,758 --> 01:26:46,134
Seriously?
1431
01:26:47,428 --> 01:26:49,512
Oh, shit!
1432
01:26:49,637 --> 01:26:53,974
The goat!
The goat, you bastard!
1433
01:26:55,810 --> 01:26:57,853
Fuckin' faggots.
1434
01:26:59,897 --> 01:27:02,273
That was the shit!
1435
01:27:02,482 --> 01:27:05,026
Mitch! Mitch!
Stop, please.
1436
01:27:05,152 --> 01:27:06,277
Look, look.
Stop, stop.
1437
01:27:06,403 --> 01:27:08,029
Okay, I am sorry,
1438
01:27:08,112 --> 01:27:10,655
and I hereby swear
my undying allegiance to you.
1439
01:27:10,740 --> 01:27:12,991
You are the fucking man.
1440
01:27:14,243 --> 01:27:16,578
Now, come back to the party.
1441
01:27:16,662 --> 01:27:18,413
Please?
1442
01:27:19,915 --> 01:27:23,417
I swear to God, I'll never
underestimate you again.
1443
01:27:26,254 --> 01:27:28,714
- All right.
- Okay.
1444
01:27:28,797 --> 01:27:30,214
All right.
1445
01:27:30,299 --> 01:27:33,259
Dean, you've been replaced.
1446
01:27:34,678 --> 01:27:36,596
Fuck!
1447
01:27:36,680 --> 01:27:38,223
All right, everybody,
listen up.
1448
01:27:38,348 --> 01:27:40,933
From here on out,
Mitch is a made man.
1449
01:27:41,059 --> 01:27:45,187
Anyone who has anything different to say,
Nick and T-Dog will fucking fuck you!
1450
01:27:47,148 --> 01:27:49,983
Let's talk about that T-Dog
one more time!
1451
01:27:50,108 --> 01:27:51,359
Shut up!
1452
01:27:52,945 --> 01:27:53,945
What's that?
1453
01:27:57,074 --> 01:27:58,074
Don't do that!
1454
01:27:59,909 --> 01:28:02,202
Yo, man, yo! Yo!
Beer run, man.
1455
01:28:35,692 --> 01:28:37,109
Why the hell
would you do that?
1456
01:28:37,193 --> 01:28:41,947
- He's a fucking manager.
- Well, he asked, so, l...
1457
01:28:45,659 --> 01:28:47,910
You lost major cool points
for this.
1458
01:28:52,582 --> 01:28:55,000
What the hell
are you doing here?
1459
01:28:56,836 --> 01:29:00,839
Yo! What you doin'?
1460
01:29:00,964 --> 01:29:02,840
- What's up? How you doin'?
- Those look heavy.
1461
01:29:02,966 --> 01:29:04,842
No, I think you can make it.
1462
01:29:04,968 --> 01:29:07,928
- Asshole.
- Shenaniganz.
1463
01:29:08,013 --> 01:29:11,265
You bring my goddamn
gift certificates?
1464
01:29:13,100 --> 01:29:16,144
Is... Natasha... here?
1465
01:29:22,191 --> 01:29:24,776
Okay. Yeah. They got me.
1466
01:29:24,861 --> 01:29:26,987
All right. Okay.
1467
01:29:28,448 --> 01:29:30,866
You... One week!
1468
01:30:16,449 --> 01:30:19,243
When you're struggling
Livin' off Ramen noodles
1469
01:30:19,368 --> 01:30:21,744
I'm in my Lexus
Finger-bangin'poodles
1470
01:30:21,870 --> 01:30:24,372
You call me a busboy
I'll bust you three times
1471
01:30:24,456 --> 01:30:26,707
Slice you three times
Slice you three limes
1472
01:30:26,792 --> 01:30:29,126
And make you squeeze 'em
on your own cuts
1473
01:30:29,253 --> 01:30:31,754
And, bitch, you best give thanks
before you eat my nuts
1474
01:30:31,879 --> 01:30:34,256
Yeah, who's that motherfucker
throwing pot in the ground
1475
01:30:34,340 --> 01:30:37,008
These bitches used to clown me
Now they surround me
1476
01:30:37,093 --> 01:30:39,344
My mom tries to ground me
I'm gonna slap her
1477
01:30:39,428 --> 01:30:41,763
I'll fuckin' cap her
Don't she know I'm a rapper
1478
01:30:41,888 --> 01:30:44,348
I don't care about love
Fuck amore
1479
01:30:44,432 --> 01:30:46,517
Fuck the dumb whore-ay
All day
1480
01:30:46,601 --> 01:30:49,478
And then suck my dick
all in its glory
1481
01:30:49,604 --> 01:30:51,814
Swallow my nut
This shit is gourmet
1482
01:30:51,939 --> 01:30:54,482
I'm hor-nay but you
fuckin' sluts bore me
1483
01:30:54,608 --> 01:30:56,943
So fuck you, bitch
I'll fuck your mama
1484
01:30:57,069 --> 01:30:59,571
Then I'll kill your papa
to top the drama
1485
01:30:59,655 --> 01:31:01,948
Then I'll rape a Ilama
to top that drama
1486
01:31:02,031 --> 01:31:04,283
I'll eat that pussy
like Jeffrey Dahmer
1487
01:31:04,409 --> 01:31:07,077
I got a gat in my hand
A pound in my tighty-whities
1488
01:31:07,161 --> 01:31:09,580
A hit on my shit
will make your eyes Chinese
1489
01:31:09,664 --> 01:31:12,207
My wallets are thick
and here's the thing, you dumb bitch
1490
01:31:12,291 --> 01:31:14,584
Even my come's rich
You fuckin' retard
1491
01:31:14,668 --> 01:31:16,961
I'll pull your fuckin' card
You ready, willin' and able
1492
01:31:17,087 --> 01:31:19,463
You call me fuckin' fake
just because I bus tables
1493
01:31:19,590 --> 01:31:21,382
Fuck you
I'll fuck your navel
1494
01:31:21,465 --> 01:31:25,468
Real thugs pop guns
You steal cable
1495
01:31:32,601 --> 01:31:36,478
I got more bush than High Times
More rhymes than LeAnn
1496
01:31:36,563 --> 01:31:38,480
Pull out my glock
Now you pee in your pants
1497
01:31:38,607 --> 01:31:42,109
It's your last chance, I'll cut your retinas
It's your last glance
1498
01:31:42,192 --> 01:31:43,943
Yo, bitch,
you're fucking worthless
1499
01:31:44,028 --> 01:31:46,821
And if you backstab me
I'll show you what a hearse is
1500
01:31:46,906 --> 01:31:49,115
You can't be fixed
by a hundred surgeons
1501
01:31:49,200 --> 01:31:51,868
I'll pull out my heater
and boom, bye-bye
1502
01:31:51,993 --> 01:31:53,911
Even when you're dead
I'm bustin' nuts in your eye
1503
01:31:53,995 --> 01:31:56,121
Sin, sin, sin
I'll stick a dildo in
1504
01:31:56,206 --> 01:31:58,874
While I'm hidin' in
the Shenaniganz' garbage bin
1505
01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:01,293
And with the other hand
I'll doodle on some napkins
1506
01:32:01,376 --> 01:32:04,086
Fuck you with a loaf of bread
and make you cheat on Atkin's
1507
01:32:05,714 --> 01:32:07,256
- Ah, yeah.
- Oh, motherfucker.
1508
01:32:07,341 --> 01:32:08,841
I work at Shenaniganz
1509
01:32:08,926 --> 01:32:11,093
Blow me 'cause I'm an OG
1510
01:32:11,177 --> 01:32:13,803
So get the fuck out my dome
before I split yours
1511
01:32:13,930 --> 01:32:16,681
I used to have spit wars
and now I split whores in two
1512
01:32:16,807 --> 01:32:18,934
I am the walrus
Koo-koo-ka-choo
1513
01:32:19,018 --> 01:32:21,311
- So back up, sonny
- We got mad honeys
1514
01:32:21,394 --> 01:32:23,812
- We make much money
- And don't you dare laugh
1515
01:32:23,897 --> 01:32:25,272
'Cause this shit ain't funny
1516
01:32:25,357 --> 01:32:27,608
Squeeze the trigger
Now your head's all bloody
1517
01:32:27,692 --> 01:32:30,319
- We got new rides
- Now we'll flip the switches
1518
01:32:30,445 --> 01:32:32,696
- No more dirty dishes
- I'll steal people's wishes
1519
01:32:32,780 --> 01:32:34,030
And clock mad digits
1520
01:32:34,156 --> 01:32:36,324
Pump on a blot
and have sex with hot midgets
1521
01:32:36,450 --> 01:32:38,826
I love when your cunt
is balder than Bruce Willis
1522
01:32:38,911 --> 01:32:42,205
Nick and T-dog, motherfucker
We the illest
1523
01:32:42,288 --> 01:32:44,373
Peace out,
bitch-ass motherfuckers.
1524
01:32:44,499 --> 01:32:46,833
Get the fuck out
of my fuckin' face.
1525
01:32:46,918 --> 01:32:50,504
- Get the fuck out of my fuckin' face.
- Bitch-ass motherfuckers.
1526
01:33:31,000 --> 01:33:32,542
Oh, yeah!
1527
01:33:41,758 --> 01:33:45,177
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Burbank, CA