1
00:00:53,683 --> 00:00:56,174
All right, Kent!

2
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,578
Go, Hayley.

3
00:00:58,688 --> 00:00:59,655
Seven minutes.

4
00:00:59,756 --> 00:01:01,485
Go get 'em, cowboy.

5
00:01:01,591 --> 00:01:03,616
See you in seven minutes.

6
00:01:07,330 --> 00:01:09,389
Stu, run it by me again.

7
00:01:09,499 --> 00:01:11,057
Kissing is first base.

8
00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:12,464
Second base is boob.

9
00:01:12,569 --> 00:01:14,127
- Third base is-
- Finger.

10
00:01:14,237 --> 00:01:16,671
- Finger?
- Or thumb.

11
00:01:16,773 --> 00:01:17,933
Okay.

12
00:01:18,041 --> 00:01:20,373
Charlie, trust me.

13
00:01:20,477 --> 00:01:22,945
Second base is what
it's all about.

14
00:01:23,046 --> 00:01:24,570
I'm all about
the boobies.

15
00:01:24,681 --> 00:01:26,649
Okay.
Anything else?

16
00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:29,412
An intentional walk
is a kiss on the cheek.

17
00:01:29,519 --> 00:01:31,749
An inside park home run
is a blow job.

18
00:01:31,855 --> 00:01:33,117
What's a blow job?

19
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:34,781
I have no idea,

20
00:01:34,891 --> 00:01:36,290
but I overheard
my dad saying

21
00:01:36,393 --> 00:01:38,224
that he gets one
once a year on his birthday.

22
00:01:38,328 --> 00:01:40,193
So it must be good.

23
00:01:53,009 --> 00:01:54,271
Yeah!

24
00:01:54,377 --> 00:01:56,174
You, me.

25
00:01:56,279 --> 00:01:57,439
Closet.

26
00:01:57,547 --> 00:01:58,741
Seven minutes.

27
00:01:58,848 --> 00:01:59,780
Heaven.

28
00:02:00,917 --> 00:02:02,248
He's so gross.

29
00:02:04,954 --> 00:02:06,148
Sorry, Jennifer.

30
00:02:14,397 --> 00:02:15,329
Stop.

31
00:02:15,765 --> 00:02:16,697
Don't touch me.

32
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,358
Stand on that side
of the closet,

33
00:02:18,468 --> 00:02:19,628
and I'll say we kissed.

34
00:02:19,736 --> 00:02:22,728
I will... if you say
we did the nasty.

35
00:02:22,839 --> 00:02:25,603
No.
I'll say we kissed.

36
00:02:25,708 --> 00:02:27,835
Say I touched
your boobies.

37
00:02:27,944 --> 00:02:30,913
No!
I'll say we kissed.

38
00:02:31,014 --> 00:02:32,879
Okay.

39
00:02:32,982 --> 00:02:34,677
I kissed your boobies.

40
00:02:57,507 --> 00:02:59,031
Anisha!

41
00:03:06,149 --> 00:03:07,946
Stop staring.
You're freaking me out.

42
00:03:08,051 --> 00:03:10,781
I'm looking at you
'cause I like you, Charlie.

43
00:03:10,887 --> 00:03:12,184
It's okay.

44
00:03:12,288 --> 00:03:13,880
Come on. You can
do what you want.

45
00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:16,788
That's okay.
I'm kind of new at this.

46
00:03:16,893 --> 00:03:18,326
Let me see your penis.

47
00:03:19,696 --> 00:03:21,857
What's the matter?
Don't you want me?

48
00:03:23,032 --> 00:03:24,795
Oh, my God!

49
00:03:24,901 --> 00:03:26,368
That's my boy.

50
00:03:26,903 --> 00:03:28,632
He's probably
blow-jobbing her.

51
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:36,774
Anisha!
I can't breathe!

52
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:37,938
I love you, Charlie.

53
00:03:38,047 --> 00:03:39,036
I've loved you
since the third grade.

54
00:03:39,148 --> 00:03:40,809
Um... thank you?

55
00:03:40,917 --> 00:03:42,578
So you like to play
hard to get.

56
00:03:42,685 --> 00:03:44,550
Back off!

57
00:03:44,654 --> 00:03:46,212
I've read
in my mom's Cosmo

58
00:03:46,322 --> 00:03:48,620
this is supposed
to increase pleasure.

59
00:03:50,527 --> 00:03:52,722
Don't worry.
This is my first time, too.

60
00:03:52,829 --> 00:03:54,797
First time what, killing?

61
00:03:54,898 --> 00:03:56,263
No, Charlie.
Making love.

62
00:03:58,001 --> 00:03:59,935
Get off me, you freak!

63
00:04:05,174 --> 00:04:08,337
Charlie Logan, you are not
my boyfriend anymore.

64
00:04:08,444 --> 00:04:09,604
I hex you!

65
00:04:09,712 --> 00:04:10,872
You what?

66
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:14,313
I hex you.
You will never be happy.

67
00:04:15,618 --> 00:04:17,779
Around you love will fall
like rain.

68
00:04:17,887 --> 00:04:20,856
But you won't hold it.
Your heart will pain!

69
00:04:20,957 --> 00:04:22,788
Once the girl
has been with you,

70
00:04:22,892 --> 00:04:25,190
to the next she will be true!

71
00:04:26,896 --> 00:04:28,523
Was that Phil Collins?

72
00:04:35,972 --> 00:04:37,200
What happened?

73
00:04:37,574 --> 00:04:39,132
Did you thumb her?

74
00:04:52,922 --> 00:04:55,823
Charlie, we could get arrested
for public indecency.

75
00:04:55,925 --> 00:04:57,552
I like the way you think.

76
00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:19,746
Okay.

77
00:05:26,222 --> 00:05:27,985
All right!

78
00:05:28,091 --> 00:05:31,458
Oh, my-
Oh, my God, Carol.

79
00:05:33,129 --> 00:05:34,790
I love you.

80
00:05:36,299 --> 00:05:38,164
I love you!

81
00:05:38,267 --> 00:05:40,258
Thank you.

82
00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:41,962
I love you, Charlie.

83
00:05:42,071 --> 00:05:43,060
Oh, that's nice.

84
00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:46,872
"That's nice"?

85
00:05:46,976 --> 00:05:48,841
I'm licking the sand
off your balls,

86
00:05:48,945 --> 00:05:50,105
and you say,
"That's nice"?

87
00:05:50,213 --> 00:05:52,306
No, I said,
"Oh, my God" to that.

88
00:05:52,415 --> 00:05:55,748
I said, "Oh, my God"
very enthusiastically about the ball lick.

89
00:05:55,852 --> 00:05:58,320
Hey, listen, I'm sorry.

90
00:05:58,421 --> 00:06:01,254
I just don't think the "L" word
should be thrown around casually.

91
00:06:02,558 --> 00:06:04,992
The "L" word?
What are you, eight?

92
00:06:05,094 --> 00:06:08,188
How about the "F" word
and the "you" word?

93
00:06:27,817 --> 00:06:29,978
I can't believe
you and Carol went belly-up, man.

94
00:06:30,086 --> 00:06:31,246
She was so into you.

95
00:06:31,354 --> 00:06:34,221
Yeah, well, she was
a, uh, noisy eater.

96
00:06:36,059 --> 00:06:38,391
It's that word, Stu: love.

97
00:06:38,494 --> 00:06:40,894
I wanted to say it,
but I just- I couldn't.

98
00:06:40,997 --> 00:06:43,397
How can I say something
if I don't feel it?

99
00:06:43,499 --> 00:06:45,364
Easy. Lie.

100
00:06:45,468 --> 00:06:47,868
What do you think
all relationships are based on, man?

101
00:06:47,970 --> 00:06:49,028
Lies.

102
00:06:49,138 --> 00:06:51,663
"No, honey, your ass
looks great in those jeans. "

103
00:06:51,774 --> 00:06:54,334
"Honey,
I love your parents. "

104
00:06:54,444 --> 00:06:56,844
"You're kidding me. That sore right there?
That's not herpes. "

105
00:06:56,946 --> 00:06:58,106
You know what I'm saying?

106
00:06:58,214 --> 00:07:00,375
So, then, who are you
taking to Katie's wedding?

107
00:07:00,483 --> 00:07:02,383
Oh, I don't know.
You want to go?

108
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:04,042
Do bridesmaids give head
in the coat room?

109
00:07:04,153 --> 00:07:07,179
Of course I want to go!

110
00:07:07,290 --> 00:07:09,952
You know how easy it is
to score at a wedding?

111
00:07:10,059 --> 00:07:12,459
Have you ever scored
at a wedding?

112
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,393
Pacing myself.

113
00:07:14,497 --> 00:07:16,055
Must be weird.

114
00:07:16,165 --> 00:07:17,826
You were dating Katie
six months ago,

115
00:07:17,934 --> 00:07:19,333
and now she's
marrying a doctor.

116
00:07:19,435 --> 00:07:21,062
I'm a doctor.

117
00:07:21,170 --> 00:07:23,229
He's a heart surgeon.
You're a dentist.

118
00:07:23,339 --> 00:07:25,239
It's like saying
General Patton and Colonel Mustard

119
00:07:25,341 --> 00:07:26,706
are both military men.

120
00:07:26,809 --> 00:07:28,709
Hi, Dr. Stu.

121
00:07:28,811 --> 00:07:29,778
Natalie.

122
00:07:36,319 --> 00:07:37,946
I jerk off
to her mammograms.

123
00:07:39,355 --> 00:07:41,118
God, I love my job.

124
00:07:41,224 --> 00:07:42,691
Every day is like Christmas.

125
00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,521
Who are you
working over today?

126
00:07:48,898 --> 00:07:50,991
Dr. Charlie,
you're five minutes late!

127
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,761
You've got four fillings,
three cleanings,

128
00:07:52,869 --> 00:07:54,234
two crowns, and a canal.

129
00:07:54,337 --> 00:07:55,736
You've got too many patients,

130
00:07:55,838 --> 00:07:57,601
and I've got too little patience

131
00:07:57,707 --> 00:07:59,106
for you to be gabbing gossip

132
00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:01,039
with Dr. Boob Jobs in the hallway.

133
00:08:01,144 --> 00:08:02,702
How are you today, Reba?

134
00:08:02,812 --> 00:08:04,677
Were you just
looking at my tits?

135
00:08:04,781 --> 00:08:06,248
Because I am more than happy

136
00:08:06,349 --> 00:08:08,010
with what the Lord Almighty gave me.

137
00:08:08,117 --> 00:08:09,709
I wasn't looking at your-

138
00:08:09,819 --> 00:08:12,287
Come on, Dr. Charlie.

139
00:08:21,464 --> 00:08:25,924
I don't want anybody else

140
00:08:26,035 --> 00:08:30,028
When I think about you,
I rub myself

141
00:08:30,139 --> 00:08:34,439
I don't want
anybody else

142
00:08:34,544 --> 00:08:38,571
When I think about you,
I touch myself

143
00:08:39,415 --> 00:08:41,007
You are what-

144
00:08:41,150 --> 00:08:42,310
Okay, you're my wingman.

145
00:08:42,418 --> 00:08:44,079
If the blonde asks,

146
00:08:44,187 --> 00:08:46,553
I'm the billionaire
who invented string cheese.

147
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:47,816
If it's that redhead,

148
00:08:47,924 --> 00:08:49,824
tell her I wrote
"We Are the World. "

149
00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:52,087
And, uh, if it's
that cheerleader hottie over there,

150
00:08:52,195 --> 00:08:54,356
my penis is in
the Guinness Book of World Records:

151
00:08:54,463 --> 00:08:55,691
girth, not length.

152
00:08:55,798 --> 00:08:57,197
I want it to sound believable.

153
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,824
Holy shit.

154
00:09:02,071 --> 00:09:03,868
Activate pelvis.

155
00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:17,419
Yo, yo, yo, hold on
to your pantyhose.

156
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,114
The hostess
with the mostest

157
00:09:20,223 --> 00:09:21,690
has got a toastess.

158
00:09:28,431 --> 00:09:30,695
I just want to thank everybody

159
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,859
for coming to share
this day with us.

160
00:09:32,969 --> 00:09:34,903
I couldn't imagine
being any happier

161
00:09:35,004 --> 00:09:36,403
than I am right now.

162
00:09:36,505 --> 00:09:38,473
Wait till tonight, sweetheart.

163
00:09:39,909 --> 00:09:41,501
I know it's
a little unorthodox,

164
00:09:41,611 --> 00:09:44,512
but I'd also like
to propose a toast...

165
00:09:46,515 --> 00:09:48,073
to Charlie Logan.

166
00:09:48,184 --> 00:09:53,178
Thank you, Charlie,
for being my lucky charm.

167
00:09:53,289 --> 00:09:54,221
To Charlie!

168
00:09:54,323 --> 00:09:56,314
- To Charlie.
- To Charlie.

169
00:10:01,631 --> 00:10:03,758
So, you're that Charlie?

170
00:10:03,866 --> 00:10:05,094
What Charlie?

171
00:10:05,201 --> 00:10:08,534
You know, Charlie,
the- the dentist.

172
00:10:34,063 --> 00:10:36,122
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

173
00:10:36,232 --> 00:10:37,722
- Oh, no. Are you okay?
- That's horrible.

174
00:10:37,833 --> 00:10:39,926
- I'm all right.
- I didn't- I didn't mean to.

175
00:10:40,036 --> 00:10:42,266
Sorry about that.

176
00:10:42,371 --> 00:10:43,633
Oh, jeez.

177
00:10:43,739 --> 00:10:45,138
Here you go.

178
00:10:45,241 --> 00:10:46,503
- Thanks.
- Sure.

179
00:10:46,609 --> 00:10:48,236
Oh. There I am.

180
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:51,246
Join us.

181
00:10:52,949 --> 00:10:55,076
So, what did I miss?

182
00:10:55,184 --> 00:10:56,412
Not much.

183
00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:58,316
Same old-
I do, I do.

184
00:10:58,421 --> 00:10:59,683
"You may
kiss the bride. "

185
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:01,723
White cake
with raspberry filling,

186
00:11:01,824 --> 00:11:03,519
and the doves
being released,

187
00:11:03,626 --> 00:11:06,186
but the doves
refuse to leave.

188
00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:10,758
I'm Cam. I went
to college with the bride.

189
00:11:10,866 --> 00:11:13,096
I'm Charlie.
I used to date the bride.

190
00:11:13,202 --> 00:11:14,226
Me, too.

191
00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:18,430
Well, no. I mean,
it was a one-time-only

192
00:11:18,541 --> 00:11:19,940
experimental thing,
sophomore year.

193
00:11:20,042 --> 00:11:22,476
We were young.
And drunk.

194
00:11:28,918 --> 00:11:31,546
Is this person
being dipped in acid?

195
00:11:31,654 --> 00:11:35,351
Waiter, could we
have some chloroform for the singer?

196
00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:37,085
What are you going to sing?

197
00:11:37,193 --> 00:11:39,252
I'm thinking about
doing Bon Jovi "Livin' On a Prayer. "

198
00:11:39,362 --> 00:11:40,852
Really?
That's the one I was going to do.

199
00:11:40,963 --> 00:11:42,294
- Oh, really?
- No.

200
00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:47,601
So, Cam, what do you do?

201
00:11:47,703 --> 00:11:50,137
I run the Penguin Habitat
at Aqua World.

202
00:11:51,474 --> 00:11:52,998
Seriously, what do you do?

203
00:11:54,276 --> 00:11:55,300
- Seriously?
- Yeah.

204
00:11:55,411 --> 00:11:56,343
I'm a serial killer.

205
00:11:56,445 --> 00:11:58,606
My passion is killing people
I meet at weddings.

206
00:11:58,714 --> 00:11:59,612
What do you do?

207
00:11:59,715 --> 00:12:02,206
FBl.
You're under arrest.

208
00:12:02,318 --> 00:12:04,252
Your run is over,
Miss "Wexler,"

209
00:12:04,353 --> 00:12:06,617
if that's your real name.

210
00:12:08,224 --> 00:12:10,158
Actually, I am a dentist.

211
00:12:10,259 --> 00:12:11,487
You're a dentist?

212
00:12:11,594 --> 00:12:13,926
You'll love me.
Perfect teeth. No cavities.

213
00:12:14,030 --> 00:12:15,327
Want to see?

214
00:12:16,432 --> 00:12:18,024
Oh, my! My legs!

215
00:12:18,134 --> 00:12:20,034
I'm sorry.

216
00:12:20,136 --> 00:12:21,228
Water!

217
00:12:22,772 --> 00:12:23,932
Oh, no!

218
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,234
I'm sorry.

219
00:12:26,342 --> 00:12:28,606
I'll just get in there and-

220
00:12:29,912 --> 00:12:31,004
- That's all right.
- I'm sorry.

221
00:12:31,113 --> 00:12:32,774
Wait.
Let me see, let me see.

222
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:36,045
- Thanks.
- It looks like cum!

223
00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:38,319
Well, here I am.

224
00:12:38,421 --> 00:12:39,911
What are your other two wishes?

225
00:12:41,323 --> 00:12:43,655
Stu, Cam.
Cam, Stu.

226
00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:44,657
- Hi.
- Hi.

227
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,194
It's actually Doctor Stu.

228
00:12:47,296 --> 00:12:48,729
I'm a reconstructive
surgeon.

229
00:12:48,831 --> 00:12:51,527
If anyone has an accident
or is born with a deformity,

230
00:12:51,634 --> 00:12:53,067
I'm there to help.

231
00:12:53,169 --> 00:12:55,364
And by deformity,
he means small breasts.

232
00:12:56,939 --> 00:12:58,406
He's just jealous

233
00:12:58,507 --> 00:13:00,668
because he has to clean
plaque all day long

234
00:13:00,776 --> 00:13:02,573
while I'm out
making the world a better place.

235
00:13:03,946 --> 00:13:06,346
Cam, you will not
believe this doofus

236
00:13:06,449 --> 00:13:08,314
that just tried to pick me up.

237
00:13:08,417 --> 00:13:09,748
Oh. Hi.

238
00:13:09,852 --> 00:13:10,750
Hi.

239
00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:12,013
- Again.
- Yeah.

240
00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:13,520
Yeah.

241
00:13:14,557 --> 00:13:15,785
I got to go.

242
00:13:15,891 --> 00:13:17,449
Nice to meet you.

243
00:13:18,627 --> 00:13:19,787
Tits and teeth.

244
00:13:23,032 --> 00:13:25,899
I don't think
she was into me.

245
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:28,299
Say, uh, ladies-

246
00:13:30,339 --> 00:13:31,431
Hey, you.

247
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,007
Hey.

248
00:13:33,109 --> 00:13:34,667
- You look great.
- Thank you.

249
00:13:34,777 --> 00:13:36,301
So do you.

250
00:13:36,412 --> 00:13:38,710
So, how are you and Carol doing?

251
00:13:39,915 --> 00:13:40,973
We're-

252
00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:46,786
We're just giving each other
a little space right now.

253
00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:49,153
I worry about you
sometimes, Chuck.

254
00:13:49,258 --> 00:13:51,886
Always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.

255
00:13:51,994 --> 00:13:53,655
It's better
to have loved and lost

256
00:13:53,762 --> 00:13:55,525
than to have never
loved at all.

257
00:13:55,631 --> 00:13:59,795
I'll buy that when you can honestly
tell me that you have loved.

258
00:13:59,902 --> 00:14:01,096
Touche.

259
00:14:03,205 --> 00:14:05,173
I just want to see you
happy, Chuckles.

260
00:14:07,076 --> 00:14:09,601
Attention, hot mamas.

261
00:14:09,712 --> 00:14:11,407
Can we have all
the single ladies

262
00:14:11,514 --> 00:14:14,244
out on the terrace
for the tossing of the bride's bouquet?

263
00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:15,544
See you.

264
00:14:23,592 --> 00:14:24,650
Ready, ladies?

265
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,388
One!

266
00:14:27,496 --> 00:14:29,691
Two!

267
00:14:29,798 --> 00:14:31,322
Three!

268
00:14:51,287 --> 00:14:52,185
Morning, Reba.

269
00:14:52,288 --> 00:14:53,846
Good morning, Dr. Logan.

270
00:14:55,457 --> 00:14:57,857
Good morning, Doctor.

271
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,894
I think I have a cavity.

272
00:14:59,995 --> 00:15:01,394
Me, too.

273
00:15:36,332 --> 00:15:38,357
- Hey, Sharon. Is Stu in?
- Hi.

274
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:40,901
Sharon-
Oh, Dr. Logan.

275
00:15:41,003 --> 00:15:43,130
Can you come back here
for a second, please?

276
00:15:49,878 --> 00:15:51,140
Oh, I'm sorry.

277
00:15:51,247 --> 00:15:53,408
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We need you.

278
00:15:53,515 --> 00:15:55,346
Dr. Logan-

279
00:15:57,019 --> 00:15:58,577
This is Pleasure.

280
00:15:58,687 --> 00:15:59,847
Nice to meet you.

281
00:15:59,955 --> 00:16:01,786
The pleasure's all mine.

282
00:16:01,890 --> 00:16:03,482
Get it?

283
00:16:03,592 --> 00:16:05,287
"The pleasure's all mine"?

284
00:16:05,394 --> 00:16:07,362
My name is Pleasure.

285
00:16:07,463 --> 00:16:12,127
That is... enormously clever.

286
00:16:13,569 --> 00:16:15,093
We need
a second opinion.

287
00:16:15,204 --> 00:16:17,502
What do you think?

288
00:16:17,606 --> 00:16:20,006
Are they even?

289
00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:21,201
So you knew they were even.

290
00:16:21,310 --> 00:16:22,641
Of course they were even. I did them.

291
00:16:22,745 --> 00:16:24,042
I just wanted you to see them

292
00:16:24,146 --> 00:16:25,875
without having to pay
for a lap dance.

293
00:16:25,981 --> 00:16:27,972
How did you get a license
to practice medicine?

294
00:16:28,083 --> 00:16:29,345
You need a license?

295
00:16:29,451 --> 00:16:33,114
Listen, have you noticed
anything different about me?

296
00:16:33,222 --> 00:16:36,623
Other than your aversion
to fantastic, gigantic titties?

297
00:16:36,725 --> 00:16:39,455
Women seem to be
coming on to me

298
00:16:39,561 --> 00:16:41,461
in an unusual manner.

299
00:16:41,563 --> 00:16:43,030
Really?

300
00:16:51,707 --> 00:16:53,675
That's crazy.

301
00:16:54,743 --> 00:16:56,870
Charlie! Stuart.

302
00:16:56,979 --> 00:16:58,173
Carol.

303
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,646
Are these back
in season again?

304
00:17:01,950 --> 00:17:03,850
You're getting married.

305
00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:06,284
What can I say?

306
00:17:06,388 --> 00:17:08,447
I guess you are
a lucky charm.

307
00:17:25,774 --> 00:17:27,799
You have 14 new messages.

308
00:17:27,910 --> 00:17:29,002
Message 1.

309
00:17:29,111 --> 00:17:31,238
Hey, Charlie.
My name's Nicole Adams.

310
00:17:31,347 --> 00:17:32,473
You don't know me,

311
00:17:32,581 --> 00:17:34,515
but I got your number
from Amy in Radiology.

312
00:17:34,616 --> 00:17:36,584
I was wondering
if we could meet up

313
00:17:36,685 --> 00:17:37,845
for drinks
one of these nights.

314
00:17:38,954 --> 00:17:40,546
Hi, Charlie.
My name's Julia.

315
00:17:40,656 --> 00:17:43,386
I normally don't do this, but I'm desperate.
Could you-

316
00:17:43,492 --> 00:17:46,017
I'm not sure how you
choose your dates,

317
00:17:46,128 --> 00:17:47,459
but I'm 5'10", blonde-

318
00:17:48,697 --> 00:17:50,096
Hello, Charlie.
My name is Daisy.

319
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,666
Uh, actually in town-

320
00:17:52,768 --> 00:17:54,030
Hi. My name is Bob.

321
00:17:54,136 --> 00:17:56,036
No, it's not a wrong number.
Hear me out.

322
00:17:57,139 --> 00:17:58,071
Hi. This is Cindy.

323
00:17:58,173 --> 00:17:59,333
I'm a friend of Katie's-

324
00:18:00,442 --> 00:18:01,340
Hey, my name's Colleen-

325
00:18:02,444 --> 00:18:03,877
Hey, there.
We met at the gym.

326
00:18:03,979 --> 00:18:04,968
StairMaster buddies?

327
00:18:09,785 --> 00:18:11,650
Eat up, Shadow.

328
00:18:11,754 --> 00:18:14,382
Last chance before bedtime.

329
00:18:14,490 --> 00:18:16,515
Good boy.

330
00:18:16,625 --> 00:18:19,116
Grumpy, don't be a pig.

331
00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:22,595
Don't be a pig.
That's Chester's.

332
00:18:22,698 --> 00:18:24,063
There you go.

333
00:18:24,166 --> 00:18:26,464
Good boy.

334
00:18:26,568 --> 00:18:28,832
Here, Dougie.
Gobble it up.

335
00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:31,831
Come here, Tina.

336
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:34,272
Grumpy,
you're such a pig.

337
00:18:35,577 --> 00:18:37,374
Joe, hurry up!

338
00:18:37,479 --> 00:18:39,071
I want to go home.

339
00:18:42,851 --> 00:18:44,580
Did you get lost
back there?

340
00:18:44,686 --> 00:18:45,778
Sorry.

341
00:18:45,888 --> 00:18:47,219
Just taking five...

342
00:18:48,056 --> 00:18:50,251
hits from my bong.

343
00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,827
If they catch you with weed,
you're going to get fired.

344
00:18:52,928 --> 00:18:54,418
They don't care
that you're my brother.

345
00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:55,929
Oh, take a chillaxitive.

346
00:18:56,031 --> 00:18:58,556
How is anybody
going to know?

347
00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:01,329
Maybe 'cause you smell like you've been
bathing in bong water.

348
00:19:02,438 --> 00:19:03,996
Sweet.

349
00:19:04,106 --> 00:19:05,198
What's that in your pocket?

350
00:19:08,977 --> 00:19:11,138
Oh, I was looking for this.

351
00:19:11,246 --> 00:19:12,713
Three months.

352
00:19:12,815 --> 00:19:14,578
Hey, Skully.

353
00:19:20,489 --> 00:19:22,480
Joe!
Joe, I'm slipping!

354
00:19:29,064 --> 00:19:31,191
And you think I look wasted.

355
00:19:36,638 --> 00:19:38,970
Grumpy, no!

356
00:19:50,586 --> 00:19:51,553
You okay?

357
00:19:53,388 --> 00:19:55,185
I think I chipped a tooth.

358
00:19:56,391 --> 00:19:57,949
It's great to finally meet you.

359
00:19:58,060 --> 00:19:59,084
Let me get that for you.

360
00:19:59,194 --> 00:20:00,661
- Oh, thank you.
- Sure.

361
00:20:03,098 --> 00:20:04,531
- All right?
- Yeah.

362
00:20:10,272 --> 00:20:11,432
All right.

363
00:20:11,540 --> 00:20:12,438
Are you ready?

364
00:20:12,541 --> 00:20:13,974
Yeah, let's go.

365
00:20:19,648 --> 00:20:20,945
Don't you want to, uh-

366
00:20:21,049 --> 00:20:22,175
What?

367
00:20:24,419 --> 00:20:25,681
I don't know,
have dinner first?

368
00:20:25,787 --> 00:20:27,618
Is that how this works?

369
00:20:27,723 --> 00:20:29,850
How what works?

370
00:20:29,958 --> 00:20:30,925
The thing.

371
00:20:31,026 --> 00:20:32,618
The thing. The magic.

372
00:20:32,728 --> 00:20:33,854
The charm.

373
00:20:36,131 --> 00:20:37,359
Wait a second.

374
00:20:39,034 --> 00:20:41,025
Gretel, what the hell
are you talking about?

375
00:20:41,136 --> 00:20:43,297
You're a lucky charm.
You have sex with someone,

376
00:20:43,405 --> 00:20:45,168
and then they find
their true love.

377
00:20:45,274 --> 00:20:46,434
Isn't that how it works?

378
00:20:46,542 --> 00:20:47,702
Has everybody
lost their minds?

379
00:20:47,809 --> 00:20:48,833
That's ridiculous.
That's absurd.

380
00:20:48,944 --> 00:20:51,378
Do you want top
or bottom?

381
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,380
Put that back
in your secret booby place.

382
00:20:53,482 --> 00:20:55,507
That's- No.

383
00:20:55,617 --> 00:20:57,710
I don't want to take
advantage of you.

384
00:21:00,923 --> 00:21:03,687
Look, don't take this
so seriously.

385
00:21:03,792 --> 00:21:04,918
I'm certainly not.

386
00:21:05,027 --> 00:21:06,722
I'm doing this on a lark.

387
00:21:06,828 --> 00:21:09,296
And you won't be
taking advantage of me.

388
00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:12,367
Do you know how many
loser boyfriends I have had?

389
00:21:12,467 --> 00:21:15,061
Do you know how many times
I have given myself-

390
00:21:15,170 --> 00:21:16,728
body, mind, soul-

391
00:21:16,838 --> 00:21:18,999
hoping that this was it,
this was the one,

392
00:21:19,107 --> 00:21:23,669
only to find out he was
just another asshole?

393
00:21:23,779 --> 00:21:25,610
Look, if there's a chance-

394
00:21:25,714 --> 00:21:30,708
I mean even a.0001 % chance
that you're the key,

395
00:21:30,819 --> 00:21:34,585
that being with you could
open the door to something better,

396
00:21:34,690 --> 00:21:39,559
well, I think I'd be
taking advantage of you.

397
00:21:42,297 --> 00:21:44,697
Do you want to have sex
before or after dinner?

398
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,234
Actually, I have dinner plans.

399
00:21:48,971 --> 00:21:51,872
I got to get that.
It's my emergency line.

400
00:21:51,974 --> 00:21:53,874
Oh. Emergency.
Now, that's sexy.

401
00:21:53,976 --> 00:21:55,102
Dr. Logan speaking.

402
00:21:55,210 --> 00:21:57,269
Hey, it's Cam Wexler.

403
00:21:57,379 --> 00:21:59,347
Remember,
from the wedding?

404
00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:01,382
The serial killer?

405
00:22:05,454 --> 00:22:06,944
Yeah. Yeah, hi.

406
00:22:07,055 --> 00:22:08,283
I'm sorry to bother you,

407
00:22:08,390 --> 00:22:10,950
but I have a bit
of a dental emergency.

408
00:22:11,059 --> 00:22:12,959
You don't have to make up stories, Cam.

409
00:22:13,061 --> 00:22:16,224
If you want to see me,
all you have to do is ask.

410
00:22:16,331 --> 00:22:17,958
No, seriously.
I chipped a tooth,

411
00:22:18,066 --> 00:22:19,055
and it's Saturday night,

412
00:22:19,167 --> 00:22:21,465
and I don't know
who else to call.

413
00:22:21,570 --> 00:22:23,094
Oh, you chipped a tooth?
How?

414
00:22:23,205 --> 00:22:25,173
I slipped while having
a fish fight,

415
00:22:25,273 --> 00:22:26,467
slid down an ice ramp,

416
00:22:26,575 --> 00:22:27,837
got tackled by a penguin,

417
00:22:27,943 --> 00:22:30,241
and fell face-first
into a fake ice boulder.

418
00:22:30,345 --> 00:22:32,404
This is very common.

419
00:22:32,514 --> 00:22:34,175
Do you know
where my office is?

420
00:22:34,282 --> 00:22:36,580
Yeah. I got your card
right here.

421
00:22:36,685 --> 00:22:38,414
I can be there
in 20 minutes?

422
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,545
20 minutes.
I'm leaving now.

423
00:22:40,656 --> 00:22:41,953
Okay.

424
00:22:55,003 --> 00:22:56,800
Okay, all fixed.

425
00:22:56,905 --> 00:22:58,270
Does that hurt?

426
00:22:59,608 --> 00:23:01,872
Can you describe the penguin
that attacked you?

427
00:23:01,977 --> 00:23:03,239
Very funny.

428
00:23:03,345 --> 00:23:04,505
You can rinse.

429
00:23:07,582 --> 00:23:09,174
So what really happened?

430
00:23:09,284 --> 00:23:10,808
Did you get caught
in the middle

431
00:23:10,919 --> 00:23:12,648
of some North Pole-
South Pole gang war?

432
00:23:12,754 --> 00:23:14,881
There are no penguins
in the North Pole.

433
00:23:14,990 --> 00:23:16,218
That's polar bears.

434
00:23:16,324 --> 00:23:18,417
You really are
a penguin freak, aren't you?

435
00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:20,051
Oh, you have no idea.

436
00:23:20,162 --> 00:23:22,221
Obsessed is putting it mildly.

437
00:23:22,330 --> 00:23:24,230
I believe you.

438
00:23:24,332 --> 00:23:26,061
Oh, what's that?

439
00:23:26,168 --> 00:23:29,535
Oh, I travel
to Guatemala every year

440
00:23:29,638 --> 00:23:31,401
to help some
of the poorer villagers.

441
00:23:32,474 --> 00:23:34,567
That's so sweet.

442
00:23:37,612 --> 00:23:38,579
Sorry!

443
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,307
Oh! Oh, no!
They went in!

444
00:23:40,415 --> 00:23:41,313
They're in there!

445
00:23:41,416 --> 00:23:42,678
- What's in there?
- The things!

446
00:23:42,784 --> 00:23:44,308
Oh, here.

447
00:23:45,087 --> 00:23:46,714
Oh, I'm sorry.

448
00:23:46,822 --> 00:23:49,222
This is bad.

449
00:23:49,324 --> 00:23:50,382
- You're hurt.
- It's okay.

450
00:23:50,492 --> 00:23:51,754
I'm so sorry.

451
00:23:51,860 --> 00:23:53,259
Should have worn
that lead vest.

452
00:23:53,361 --> 00:23:56,455
Oh, this always
happens to me.

453
00:23:56,565 --> 00:23:57,759
Are you okay?

454
00:23:57,866 --> 00:23:59,026
Yes.
Yeah, I'm fine.

455
00:23:59,134 --> 00:24:00,465
- You sure?
- I feel good.

456
00:24:00,569 --> 00:24:04,335
Man. I hope you let me
buy you a new shirt.

457
00:24:04,439 --> 00:24:07,169
No. No, really.
It's, uh, it's good.

458
00:24:07,275 --> 00:24:09,937
But I hope you'll let me
take you out to dinner...

459
00:24:10,679 --> 00:24:12,044
sometime.

460
00:24:12,147 --> 00:24:14,411
Trust me, you can do
far more damage with a steak knife.

461
00:24:14,516 --> 00:24:17,644
I'm sorry.
I- I can't.

462
00:24:17,753 --> 00:24:19,914
How much do I owe you
for the tooth?

463
00:24:20,021 --> 00:24:22,182
Wait a second.
So you will draw first blood,

464
00:24:22,290 --> 00:24:25,191
but you won't
make it up to me?

465
00:24:25,293 --> 00:24:27,887
Please, how much?

466
00:24:27,996 --> 00:24:28,985
No.

467
00:24:29,097 --> 00:24:30,621
Your money's no good here.

468
00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:32,660
You sure?

469
00:24:32,934 --> 00:24:34,094
I will not accept that.

470
00:24:34,202 --> 00:24:36,227
Really?

471
00:24:36,338 --> 00:24:37,236
Thank you.

472
00:24:37,339 --> 00:24:38,328
Yes.

473
00:24:39,474 --> 00:24:40,941
- I'm sorry.
- No.

474
00:24:42,677 --> 00:24:45,077
See you in six months
for a routine stabbing.

475
00:24:46,214 --> 00:24:47,738
- Bye.
- Bye.

476
00:25:02,931 --> 00:25:04,660
Change your mind?

477
00:25:04,766 --> 00:25:06,233
My car won't start.

478
00:25:07,169 --> 00:25:08,261
Sure it won't.

479
00:25:08,370 --> 00:25:10,099
No, really.
I left my lights on.

480
00:25:13,408 --> 00:25:14,568
Fine.
I'm pushing the car.

481
00:25:14,676 --> 00:25:16,906
No, no, no, wait.
I want to jump you.

482
00:25:25,153 --> 00:25:26,051
Now?

483
00:25:26,154 --> 00:25:28,816
Not now.
Wait till I get this in here.

484
00:25:28,924 --> 00:25:30,016
Now?

485
00:25:33,662 --> 00:25:34,822
Oh!

486
00:25:36,765 --> 00:25:37,959
You okay?

487
00:25:38,066 --> 00:25:39,124
Yep.

488
00:25:39,234 --> 00:25:40,132
Let's-

489
00:25:40,235 --> 00:25:41,361
I'm so sorry.

490
00:25:41,469 --> 00:25:42,993
No, no. It's fine.
It's good.

491
00:25:43,104 --> 00:25:44,799
Cauterized my wounds.

492
00:25:47,409 --> 00:25:48,376
Thank you.

493
00:25:48,476 --> 00:25:51,138
Thank you for fixing my tooth

494
00:25:51,246 --> 00:25:52,440
and jumping my car.

495
00:25:52,547 --> 00:25:53,878
Don't mention it.

496
00:25:58,987 --> 00:26:01,148
And thank you
for taking me home

497
00:26:01,256 --> 00:26:03,247
to get my spare
set of keys.

498
00:26:09,231 --> 00:26:12,564
I have a feeling
this kind of thing happens to you often.

499
00:26:13,501 --> 00:26:15,298
My brother
calls me Murphy.

500
00:26:15,403 --> 00:26:16,301
Murphy?

501
00:26:16,404 --> 00:26:18,269
You know,
like, Murphy's Law:

502
00:26:18,373 --> 00:26:20,170
anything that can
go wrong, will.

503
00:26:20,275 --> 00:26:21,537
Details.

504
00:26:21,643 --> 00:26:23,338
Check out the thumb.

505
00:26:24,713 --> 00:26:25,771
Holy crap!

506
00:26:25,881 --> 00:26:27,906
What, did you get
pissed off at a stamp?

507
00:26:29,117 --> 00:26:30,982
How many bones
have you broken?

508
00:26:31,086 --> 00:26:33,384
- 12.
- 12 bones?

509
00:26:33,488 --> 00:26:36,082
I'm warning you,
keep a safe distance.

510
00:26:36,191 --> 00:26:38,751
Come on. I can't believe
it's really that bad.

511
00:26:39,895 --> 00:26:40,919
Is this the heat?

512
00:26:41,029 --> 00:26:41,996
No!

513
00:26:45,734 --> 00:26:47,258
Convertible top.

514
00:26:47,369 --> 00:26:49,428
Oops.

515
00:26:53,341 --> 00:26:54,467
Keep the meter running.

516
00:26:54,576 --> 00:26:55,474
All right.

517
00:26:55,577 --> 00:26:56,976
Oh, shit!

518
00:26:57,078 --> 00:26:59,603
Shit! Shit! Shit!

519
00:26:59,714 --> 00:27:01,045
Pardon my French.

520
00:27:01,149 --> 00:27:04,346
I speak a little French,
and that sounded like "shit. "

521
00:27:04,452 --> 00:27:06,613
I left my house key
on the car ring-

522
00:27:06,721 --> 00:27:07,983
You know what?
Doesn't matter.

523
00:27:25,807 --> 00:27:26,796
Got it!

524
00:27:34,883 --> 00:27:35,872
- Sorry.
- You all right?

525
00:27:35,984 --> 00:27:37,451
Yeah.

526
00:27:37,552 --> 00:27:39,417
- Hope these are the right keys.
- Yeah.

527
00:27:53,435 --> 00:27:54,595
Thank you.

528
00:27:54,703 --> 00:27:56,762
I'm sorry about the top,

529
00:27:56,871 --> 00:27:59,271
and the, uh,
nerve damage in the back,

530
00:27:59,374 --> 00:28:02,366
and the whole
electrocution thing, and-

531
00:28:02,477 --> 00:28:05,207
I'd still like
to pay for the tooth.

532
00:28:05,313 --> 00:28:07,474
I told you.
Buy me dinner.

533
00:28:08,984 --> 00:28:10,349
Lunch.

534
00:28:10,452 --> 00:28:12,113
Vending machine.

535
00:28:12,220 --> 00:28:15,121
Drinks. Water.
I'm easy.

536
00:28:22,797 --> 00:28:24,094
I'm just...

537
00:28:24,199 --> 00:28:26,793
not emotionally available
at this time.

538
00:28:26,901 --> 00:28:28,368
I'm okay with that.

539
00:28:28,470 --> 00:28:30,802
I'm looking for more of
a physical relationship anyway.

540
00:28:31,873 --> 00:28:33,135
So I've heard.

541
00:28:34,242 --> 00:28:35,470
I was kidding.

542
00:28:35,577 --> 00:28:38,205
That was a joke.
That was a stupid joke.

543
00:28:38,313 --> 00:28:41,714
Okay. I- I get it.

544
00:28:41,816 --> 00:28:43,078
So no way, then.

545
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:46,485
I'm sorry.

546
00:28:49,057 --> 00:28:50,547
Good night, Dr. Logan.

547
00:28:59,267 --> 00:29:00,199
Thank you.

548
00:29:00,301 --> 00:29:02,462
I, uh...

549
00:29:02,570 --> 00:29:04,435
Yeah.

550
00:29:45,914 --> 00:29:47,006
Hi, Dr. Charlie.

551
00:29:47,115 --> 00:29:49,242
Reba! What the hell
are you doing here?

552
00:29:49,350 --> 00:29:50,612
Sorry. I didn't mean
to scare you.

553
00:29:50,718 --> 00:29:53,118
I used the key you left me
in case of emergencies.

554
00:29:53,221 --> 00:29:55,348
What's the emergency?

555
00:29:55,457 --> 00:29:58,085
I know about the charm.

556
00:29:59,127 --> 00:30:00,094
Not you, too.

557
00:30:00,195 --> 00:30:01,355
Somebody
posted about you

558
00:30:01,463 --> 00:30:03,055
on perfectmatch. com

559
00:30:03,164 --> 00:30:04,791
It's an internet
dating site.

560
00:30:04,899 --> 00:30:06,298
Yeah, I know what it is.

561
00:30:06,401 --> 00:30:07,561
This is out of control.

562
00:30:07,669 --> 00:30:09,102
These stories
are just coincidence.

563
00:30:09,204 --> 00:30:10,535
That's what I thought.

564
00:30:10,638 --> 00:30:13,471
But then I went
to urbanlegends. com,

565
00:30:13,575 --> 00:30:14,906
and nobody's disproved it.

566
00:30:15,009 --> 00:30:17,807
Reba, I'll see you at work on Monday.
Good night.

567
00:30:17,912 --> 00:30:19,709
Dr. Logan, you've always
been there for me.

568
00:30:19,814 --> 00:30:21,475
When you need a day off, yes.

569
00:30:21,583 --> 00:30:23,244
When you need a lift home, yes.

570
00:30:23,351 --> 00:30:25,251
When Reggie died
four years ago,

571
00:30:25,353 --> 00:30:27,014
you sent that beautiful card.

572
00:30:27,122 --> 00:30:28,521
Do you remember
what you wrote?

573
00:30:28,623 --> 00:30:32,024
"If there's anything I can do,
please let me know. "

574
00:30:32,127 --> 00:30:33,025
Yeah, but, uh-

575
00:30:33,128 --> 00:30:35,596
Well, I'm letting
you know.

576
00:30:37,632 --> 00:30:39,065
That's not
what I had in mind.

577
00:30:39,167 --> 00:30:40,464
These panties are edible,

578
00:30:40,568 --> 00:30:42,160
but I'd avoid the tush area

579
00:30:42,270 --> 00:30:44,704
as I've been sitting
for about three hours.

580
00:30:44,806 --> 00:30:46,467
Reba, I'm not the guy for you.

581
00:30:46,574 --> 00:30:47,802
I'm not saying you are.

582
00:30:47,909 --> 00:30:50,173
But the next guy might be.

583
00:30:50,278 --> 00:30:51,802
Dr. Charlie, if we're together,

584
00:30:51,913 --> 00:30:53,574
I know I'll find my soul mate.

585
00:30:53,681 --> 00:30:55,478
That- That's ridiculous.

586
00:30:57,852 --> 00:30:59,080
No.

587
00:30:59,187 --> 00:31:00,950
No, Reba. Don't cry.
It's okay.

588
00:31:02,624 --> 00:31:03,682
Come on, Dr. Charlie.

589
00:31:03,791 --> 00:31:05,759
You got to do this for me.
Please.

590
00:31:05,860 --> 00:31:06,758
- Reba!
- Charlie-

591
00:31:10,665 --> 00:31:12,257
I can't do this.

592
00:31:12,367 --> 00:31:13,925
Don't worry.

593
00:31:14,035 --> 00:31:15,935
I'll do everything.

594
00:31:16,037 --> 00:31:17,163
Please.

595
00:31:17,272 --> 00:31:19,832
Just close your eyes

596
00:31:19,941 --> 00:31:23,308
and imagine somebody beautiful.

597
00:31:34,689 --> 00:31:36,987
I'll imagine you.

598
00:31:38,293 --> 00:31:40,727
No one but you.

599
00:31:43,531 --> 00:31:44,429
Reba?

600
00:31:44,532 --> 00:31:46,124
You slept with Reba?

601
00:31:46,234 --> 00:31:47,531
Shut up.

602
00:31:47,635 --> 00:31:48,533
You shut up.

603
00:31:48,636 --> 00:31:50,331
What the hell's
the matter with you?

604
00:31:50,438 --> 00:31:52,338
You're telling me
that you have the power

605
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,101
to turn any hot chick
out there-

606
00:31:54,209 --> 00:31:55,471
any hot chick-

607
00:31:55,577 --> 00:31:59,343
into a knob-gobbling,
lance-waxing flesh monger,

608
00:31:59,447 --> 00:32:02,177
and you're out there
plowing the back 40 with Reba!

609
00:32:02,283 --> 00:32:04,751
You don't know
because you weren't there.

610
00:32:04,852 --> 00:32:06,319
Thank God I wasn't there.

611
00:32:06,421 --> 00:32:08,514
It's disgusting.
It's revolting.

612
00:32:08,623 --> 00:32:09,749
You're nasty.

613
00:32:09,857 --> 00:32:10,915
How was she?

614
00:32:12,860 --> 00:32:14,350
Dude, check it.

615
00:32:14,462 --> 00:32:17,192
You see, that is
the kind of tail you should be chasing.

616
00:32:17,298 --> 00:32:19,391
I could suck a fart
out of her ass

617
00:32:19,500 --> 00:32:20,728
and hold it
like a bong hit.

618
00:32:25,940 --> 00:32:28,374
Nice stop, kid.
Way to be.

619
00:32:30,345 --> 00:32:31,778
Dude, these chicks,

620
00:32:31,879 --> 00:32:34,040
they think that you're,
like, a lucky charm, man.

621
00:32:34,148 --> 00:32:35,547
I mean,
you poke the poon,

622
00:32:35,650 --> 00:32:38,244
she marries the next guy
she dates after you.

623
00:32:38,353 --> 00:32:39,615
It's not true.

624
00:32:39,721 --> 00:32:40,915
Who cares if it's true?

625
00:32:41,022 --> 00:32:42,580
Wake up, man.

626
00:32:42,690 --> 00:32:44,282
You got it made.

627
00:32:44,392 --> 00:32:46,622
What is it
that all women want?

628
00:32:46,728 --> 00:32:49,196
To get married,

629
00:32:49,297 --> 00:32:51,322
raise crib midgets,

630
00:32:51,432 --> 00:32:53,024
and apparently, buddy,

631
00:32:53,134 --> 00:32:55,500
you got the ticket
to the big show.

632
00:32:55,603 --> 00:32:57,127
Do you know
what this means?

633
00:32:57,238 --> 00:32:58,671
Trim.

634
00:32:58,773 --> 00:33:01,571
You're going to be seeing
trim like Tommy Lee,

635
00:33:01,676 --> 00:33:03,075
like Colin Farrell,

636
00:33:03,177 --> 00:33:05,270
like Ellen DeGeneres-
just-

637
00:33:08,216 --> 00:33:10,241
Have you considered
the possibility the reason

638
00:33:10,351 --> 00:33:11,875
you haven't been laid
in the last decade

639
00:33:11,986 --> 00:33:14,546
has something to do with
your routine use of the word "trim"?

640
00:33:14,656 --> 00:33:15,748
Yeah!

641
00:33:15,857 --> 00:33:18,621
Seven days a week, 56 weeks a year, trim!

642
00:33:21,562 --> 00:33:22,688
That's my bad.

643
00:33:22,797 --> 00:33:25,129
Where's your manners, shithead?

644
00:33:25,233 --> 00:33:26,700
What did you say to me?

645
00:33:28,770 --> 00:33:29,862
Little help here, honey?

646
00:33:34,275 --> 00:33:36,175
Look, you and I are different, okay?

647
00:33:36,277 --> 00:33:38,177
Besides the fact
that I'm not retarded,

648
00:33:38,279 --> 00:33:40,042
I don't want
to take advantage.

649
00:33:40,148 --> 00:33:41,308
- Dude.
- Yeah.

650
00:33:41,416 --> 00:33:43,884
Was Martin Luther King,
Jr. taking advantage

651
00:33:43,985 --> 00:33:46,180
when he said that thing
in that place?

652
00:33:46,287 --> 00:33:47,845
I don't think so.

653
00:33:47,955 --> 00:33:51,982
Was Gandhi taking advantage
when he was doing his thing?

654
00:33:52,093 --> 00:33:53,390
No.

655
00:33:53,494 --> 00:33:55,394
And don't tell me
that Gandhi didn't score

656
00:33:55,496 --> 00:33:57,361
some sweet-ass
Native American trim.

657
00:33:57,465 --> 00:33:59,194
Gandhi was Indian.

658
00:33:59,300 --> 00:34:01,291
They don't like
to be called that.

659
00:34:01,402 --> 00:34:04,337
Dude, I thought
you wanted to feel love.

660
00:34:04,439 --> 00:34:05,497
I do.

661
00:34:05,606 --> 00:34:09,303
So stop dipping your foot in the pool
and dive the fuck in!

662
00:34:09,410 --> 00:34:11,241
And think about this, man.

663
00:34:11,346 --> 00:34:13,610
You'd be providing
a much-needed public service.

664
00:34:13,715 --> 00:34:16,843
You'd be helping women find love.

665
00:34:16,951 --> 00:34:18,282
Now, don't come bitching to me

666
00:34:18,386 --> 00:34:19,785
you haven't found Miss Right yet

667
00:34:19,887 --> 00:34:22,048
if you got women lining up
for the position

668
00:34:22,156 --> 00:34:24,420
and you're turning
your back on them.

669
00:34:27,929 --> 00:34:28,953
Nice.

670
00:34:30,932 --> 00:34:32,729
I guess.

671
00:34:32,834 --> 00:34:34,734
If I did it for the right reasons.

672
00:34:34,836 --> 00:34:38,431
Whatever helps you
sleep at night, biznatch.

673
00:35:11,072 --> 00:35:12,972
No, no, no. Whoa, whoa.
Don't take off my top.

674
00:35:13,074 --> 00:35:15,099
Something wrong?

675
00:35:15,209 --> 00:35:16,938
They're for the baby.

676
00:35:17,044 --> 00:35:18,739
You have a baby?

677
00:35:18,846 --> 00:35:21,679
No, but I will someday.

678
00:35:27,789 --> 00:35:29,188
It's really good.

679
00:35:30,291 --> 00:35:31,258
Fuck me.

680
00:35:34,328 --> 00:35:35,295
Fuck me harder.

681
00:35:37,331 --> 00:35:39,265
Oh.
Yeah.

682
00:35:39,367 --> 00:35:40,732
Fuck me!

683
00:35:40,835 --> 00:35:42,632
- Fuck me!
- I'm fucking!

684
00:35:42,737 --> 00:35:45,467
Fuck me, you cocksucking,
cum-guzzling shithead!

685
00:35:45,573 --> 00:35:46,733
Split my pussy in two!

686
00:35:46,841 --> 00:35:49,036
You motherfucking asshole!

687
00:35:53,147 --> 00:35:54,444
Is something wrong?

688
00:36:31,619 --> 00:36:33,018
Oh, God.

689
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,111
Oh, God!

690
00:36:35,823 --> 00:36:40,317
Oh, God!
Oh, Jesus Christ, almighty!

691
00:36:40,428 --> 00:36:42,828
God, my savior!

692
00:36:42,930 --> 00:36:47,230
I shall adore thee from now
until forever more!

693
00:36:47,335 --> 00:36:49,701
Oh! Amen!

694
00:36:50,872 --> 00:36:53,272
Would you like to
pray with me now?

695
00:36:54,442 --> 00:36:56,467
Uh... no.

696
00:37:20,268 --> 00:37:21,895
Yeah, I don't do that with men.

697
00:37:31,412 --> 00:37:32,777
Oh, yeah.
That's it.

698
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:34,677
That's it!

699
00:37:34,782 --> 00:37:36,750
That's definitely it!

700
00:37:36,851 --> 00:37:38,512
That'll be my wedding dress.

701
00:37:38,619 --> 00:37:40,211
What do you think?

702
00:37:57,572 --> 00:37:59,506
Megan, I swear I know you
from some place.

703
00:37:59,607 --> 00:38:03,270
We went to high school together.

704
00:38:03,377 --> 00:38:05,038
Megan...

705
00:38:05,146 --> 00:38:06,841
What's your last name?

706
00:38:06,948 --> 00:38:08,074
Gilles.

707
00:38:08,182 --> 00:38:11,413
Gilles.
I knew a Matthew Gilles.

708
00:38:11,519 --> 00:38:13,919
God, you do look like him.
Is that your brother?

709
00:38:14,021 --> 00:38:16,888
Actually, that was me
before the operation.

710
00:38:32,940 --> 00:38:34,237
Thanks.

711
00:38:37,111 --> 00:38:38,373
You're welcome.

712
00:38:41,549 --> 00:38:43,813
- This just isn't working for me.
- Yeah, right.

713
00:38:44,018 --> 00:38:45,781
You're just gonna give up
boning all these women?

714
00:38:45,886 --> 00:38:47,911
These girls don't want
to be with me.

715
00:38:48,022 --> 00:38:49,819
They want to be
with the next guy.

716
00:38:49,924 --> 00:38:53,155
So what? The road
to the next guy leads through you.

717
00:38:53,260 --> 00:38:55,922
It's not that satisfying.

718
00:38:56,030 --> 00:38:57,827
I'll tell you not satisfying.

719
00:38:57,932 --> 00:39:00,662
Last night I masturbated
into a grapefruit.

720
00:39:02,703 --> 00:39:03,897
I put it in the microwave.

721
00:39:04,005 --> 00:39:05,700
I heated it up
a little bit, which helped,

722
00:39:05,806 --> 00:39:06,704
but...

723
00:39:06,807 --> 00:39:09,275
still.

724
00:39:16,283 --> 00:39:20,185
You know, I read somewhere
that penguins like to eat their own shit.

725
00:39:31,032 --> 00:39:33,398
You have 108 messages.

726
00:39:34,502 --> 00:39:36,402
Messages deleted.

727
00:39:50,751 --> 00:39:53,151
The female lays a single egg

728
00:39:53,254 --> 00:39:55,085
and rolls it onto
the feet of the male.

729
00:39:55,189 --> 00:39:57,851
The male stands
and incubates the egg

730
00:39:57,958 --> 00:40:00,927
until it hatches,
about 65 days.

731
00:40:01,028 --> 00:40:03,428
Having built up
a thick layer of fat

732
00:40:03,531 --> 00:40:05,465
to sustain him
through the long winter,

733
00:40:05,566 --> 00:40:08,228
he never leaves the egg
to hunt for food.

734
00:40:08,335 --> 00:40:11,998
The female returns just
before the chick hatches.

735
00:40:15,176 --> 00:40:17,872
If you have any questions,
please feel free to ask.

736
00:40:25,519 --> 00:40:26,577
What are you doing here?

737
00:40:26,687 --> 00:40:28,518
Are you telling me
that the male penguin

738
00:40:28,622 --> 00:40:30,590
really lives off
his own fat for 65 days

739
00:40:30,691 --> 00:40:32,283
while he's protecting
the egg?

740
00:40:32,393 --> 00:40:34,418
You think that the female could bring him,
like, a mackerel burger?

741
00:40:34,528 --> 00:40:38,157
Seriously, why are you here?

742
00:40:38,265 --> 00:40:39,664
Look, I don't buy the whole

743
00:40:39,767 --> 00:40:41,962
"I'm not emotionally available" thing.

744
00:40:42,069 --> 00:40:43,127
Are you dying?

745
00:40:43,237 --> 00:40:44,636
Is that why you don't want
to get involved with me?

746
00:40:44,739 --> 00:40:46,604
Because you don't wanna
hurt me when you die?

747
00:40:46,707 --> 00:40:47,765
No, I'm not dying.

748
00:40:47,875 --> 00:40:50,571
Well, I'm not dying either,
so what is it, then?

749
00:40:50,678 --> 00:40:52,703
Am I not your type?
I can take it if it's that.

750
00:40:52,813 --> 00:40:55,441
I think you should go.

751
00:40:55,549 --> 00:40:56,811
No, I think
I should stay,

752
00:40:56,917 --> 00:40:59,681
because I paid $38.00
to see you today.

753
00:40:59,787 --> 00:41:01,846
And I'm not leaving
until you pay me my money back.

754
00:41:01,956 --> 00:41:03,287
Is this the dude?

755
00:41:03,390 --> 00:41:05,221
- No. Joe!
- Have you been talking about me?

756
00:41:05,326 --> 00:41:06,816
Why aren't you wearing your shirt?

757
00:41:06,927 --> 00:41:08,326
- Has she been talking about me?
- Yeah.

758
00:41:08,429 --> 00:41:09,623
- No!
- You're the dentist.

759
00:41:09,730 --> 00:41:11,630
I am the dude!

760
00:41:11,732 --> 00:41:13,996
No, I mentioned you in passing.

761
00:41:14,101 --> 00:41:15,568
I said you were funny.

762
00:41:15,669 --> 00:41:17,296
- Oh.
- And you said he was-

763
00:41:17,404 --> 00:41:20,396
And I said you were
charming and...

764
00:41:20,508 --> 00:41:22,237
good-looking, and...

765
00:41:22,343 --> 00:41:23,332
you have a nice smile.

766
00:41:23,444 --> 00:41:25,503
Oh, I would not go out with me, either.

767
00:41:27,515 --> 00:41:30,143
Excuse me, miss?
How come the mommy penguin

768
00:41:30,251 --> 00:41:32,617
doesn't bring back food
for the daddy penguin?

769
00:41:32,720 --> 00:41:35,154
'Cause the daddy penguin
doesn't need any food, sweetie.

770
00:41:39,093 --> 00:41:40,822
I have another question.

771
00:41:40,928 --> 00:41:43,419
Why won't you go out with Charlie?

772
00:41:44,932 --> 00:41:47,594
- She'd love to.
- Joe! You're my brother!

773
00:41:47,701 --> 00:41:49,669
Why are you taking his side?

774
00:41:49,770 --> 00:41:51,795
Because I know
how long it's been-

775
00:41:53,007 --> 00:41:54,736
Another word,
I hide your stash.

776
00:41:56,277 --> 00:41:57,676
Go put a shirt on.

777
00:42:00,347 --> 00:42:01,575
Look, how about this.

778
00:42:01,682 --> 00:42:03,274
Why don't you eat,

779
00:42:03,384 --> 00:42:05,750
and I'll just digest my own lard.

780
00:42:07,655 --> 00:42:09,282
Look...

781
00:42:09,390 --> 00:42:11,017
I just...

782
00:42:11,125 --> 00:42:13,389
I know three women
you've gone out with.

783
00:42:13,494 --> 00:42:15,587
I'm just not into dating
as a sport.

784
00:42:18,432 --> 00:42:20,332
Wait, you said if anybody
had any questions-

785
00:42:20,434 --> 00:42:22,425
- No! I'm not going out with you!
- That's not my question.

786
00:42:22,536 --> 00:42:24,697
That was the little girl's question.
I have a new question.

787
00:42:24,805 --> 00:42:27,000
What is that penguin
right there?

788
00:42:30,377 --> 00:42:32,777
That's a Gentoo,
one of several species

789
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,644
of penguin that is
completely monogamous.

790
00:42:35,749 --> 00:42:37,410
I hope that answers
your question.

791
00:42:37,518 --> 00:42:39,145
Oh, and penguins are unique

792
00:42:39,253 --> 00:42:42,416
in that mate selection
is up to the female.

793
00:42:42,523 --> 00:42:44,718
Much like our relationship.

794
00:42:44,825 --> 00:42:46,759
Why do you wanna take me
to dinner so badly?

795
00:42:46,861 --> 00:42:48,055
You look hungry.

796
00:42:48,162 --> 00:42:49,424
Seriously.

797
00:42:50,865 --> 00:42:52,093
- Seriously?
- Yeah.

798
00:42:53,767 --> 00:42:55,997
Because you remind me
of these penguins.

799
00:42:58,372 --> 00:43:01,102
Yes, they're kind of
awkward and goofy.

800
00:43:02,743 --> 00:43:05,541
Yet in the water,
they're so beautiful.

801
00:43:12,586 --> 00:43:13,951
Okay.

802
00:43:14,054 --> 00:43:15,214
Okay, what?

803
00:43:15,322 --> 00:43:17,290
- Okay, dinner.
- Will you put that in writing?

804
00:43:17,391 --> 00:43:19,359
Don't push it.

805
00:43:19,460 --> 00:43:21,587
But only as friends...

806
00:43:21,695 --> 00:43:24,095
because if you must know,
there is someone else.

807
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,225
His name is Howard Blaine.

808
00:43:28,335 --> 00:43:30,303
He is a foremost expert on penguins,

809
00:43:30,404 --> 00:43:33,237
and I'm meeting him
later this year at a conference.

810
00:43:33,340 --> 00:43:35,171
I'm interested in him.

811
00:43:35,276 --> 00:43:36,436
Well, I'm interested
in choreographing

812
00:43:36,543 --> 00:43:39,103
a wacky line dance
that sweeps the nation,

813
00:43:39,213 --> 00:43:41,738
but we both know
that's never gonna happen.

814
00:43:41,849 --> 00:43:43,874
One date as friends.

815
00:43:43,984 --> 00:43:45,849
Fine.

816
00:43:45,953 --> 00:43:47,352
Bye.

817
00:43:48,989 --> 00:43:50,547
I'm okay.
Just-

818
00:43:50,658 --> 00:43:52,091
- Yeah.
- I'm fine.

819
00:43:54,728 --> 00:43:55,854
Bye.

820
00:44:13,147 --> 00:44:15,615
So do sharks get cavities?

821
00:44:15,716 --> 00:44:16,876
No.

822
00:44:16,984 --> 00:44:18,815
- You have no idea, do you.
- I don't know.

823
00:44:20,621 --> 00:44:22,418
I thought we were gonna
ask each other personal questions.

824
00:44:22,523 --> 00:44:24,582
Isn't that the point
of 100 Questions?

825
00:44:24,692 --> 00:44:25,954
Is that your question?

826
00:44:26,060 --> 00:44:29,359
No, my question is...

827
00:44:29,463 --> 00:44:31,863
Why penguins? Why?

828
00:44:31,966 --> 00:44:33,126
Why teeth?

829
00:44:33,233 --> 00:44:34,325
Same as every other dentist.

830
00:44:34,435 --> 00:44:35,493
Couldn't get
into med school.

831
00:44:35,602 --> 00:44:37,263
That's funny.

832
00:44:37,371 --> 00:44:39,464
My parents didn't think so.

833
00:44:39,573 --> 00:44:41,700
So really, why penguins?

834
00:44:41,809 --> 00:44:43,208
Couldn't get into shark school.

835
00:44:45,846 --> 00:44:47,837
I don't know,
lots of reasons.

836
00:44:47,948 --> 00:44:50,280
For one, you can't help but smile
when you see a penguin.

837
00:44:50,384 --> 00:44:53,876
Yeah, plus they have that bad-ass tuxedo
embedded in their flesh.

838
00:44:53,988 --> 00:44:55,216
I know! They're just so cute.

839
00:44:55,322 --> 00:44:56,812
I just-
I just love 'em so much.

840
00:44:56,924 --> 00:44:59,620
I just love, love, love 'em!

841
00:44:59,727 --> 00:45:02,423
I even go to Antarctica
for research.

842
00:45:02,529 --> 00:45:04,429
Oh, it's so beautiful there.

843
00:45:04,531 --> 00:45:07,295
You know they have
once-a-year sunsets?

844
00:45:07,401 --> 00:45:09,460
You haven't seen beauty
until you've seen that.

845
00:45:09,570 --> 00:45:11,595
Oh, I don't know about that.

846
00:45:14,575 --> 00:45:17,567
And the penguin rituals
are just fascinating.

847
00:45:17,678 --> 00:45:20,146
Okay now, by rituals,
do you mean, like,

848
00:45:20,247 --> 00:45:21,714
eating their own poop?

849
00:45:21,815 --> 00:45:23,214
No.

850
00:45:23,317 --> 00:45:25,308
Like when a male
is sweet on a female,

851
00:45:25,419 --> 00:45:26,852
he searches
the entire beach

852
00:45:26,954 --> 00:45:29,445
to find the perfect pebble
to present to her.

853
00:45:29,556 --> 00:45:31,080
When he finally finds it,

854
00:45:31,191 --> 00:45:32,522
he waddles over

855
00:45:32,626 --> 00:45:35,459
and presents the stone
by placing it at her feet.

856
00:45:35,562 --> 00:45:38,087
If she accepts,
they'll be life-long mates.

857
00:45:38,198 --> 00:45:39,893
It's kind of like
an engagement ring.

858
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,560
Yeah, it's unbelievable to watch.

859
00:45:47,107 --> 00:45:48,734
I have a feeling

860
00:45:48,842 --> 00:45:50,776
that you are
a very good kisser.

861
00:45:50,878 --> 00:45:54,177
And I know this because I spent
an hour and a half inside your mouth,

862
00:45:54,281 --> 00:45:55,748
and I scoped it out.

863
00:45:55,849 --> 00:45:58,147
What makes you think
I'll be kissing you, huh?

864
00:46:00,888 --> 00:46:01,786
You all right?

865
00:46:03,490 --> 00:46:05,014
You okay?

866
00:46:25,646 --> 00:46:27,978
I guess I was wrong about
the "really good kisser" thing.

867
00:46:30,150 --> 00:46:31,617
Come on, we'll find
something you're good at.

868
00:46:31,718 --> 00:46:32,810
What!

869
00:46:35,355 --> 00:46:38,051
Perfectly imperfect?
What the hell does that mean?

870
00:46:38,158 --> 00:46:39,386
I don't know.

871
00:46:39,493 --> 00:46:42,428
I mean, haven't you ever
fallen for someone's flaws?

872
00:46:42,529 --> 00:46:43,894
I'm a plastic surgeon.

873
00:46:43,997 --> 00:46:46,989
I see a flaw,
I pour spackle over it.

874
00:46:47,101 --> 00:46:48,864
Hey, are these new?

875
00:46:48,969 --> 00:46:50,402
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, no!

876
00:46:50,504 --> 00:46:54,099
No, you don't touch these.

877
00:46:54,208 --> 00:46:56,403
It's Pamela Anderson's
breast implants.

878
00:46:56,510 --> 00:46:58,535
Why are they not implanted
in her breasts?

879
00:46:58,645 --> 00:47:01,307
It's a reduction, baby.
This is what came out.

880
00:47:01,415 --> 00:47:03,883
So you're hoping that
some sick dude will buy these?

881
00:47:03,984 --> 00:47:06,350
Some sick dude already did.

882
00:47:06,453 --> 00:47:07,920
This dude!

883
00:47:08,021 --> 00:47:10,581
What the hell do you want
Pamela Anderson's breast fillings for?

884
00:47:10,691 --> 00:47:12,386
Why the hell do you want
Miss Penguin Pussy?

885
00:47:12,493 --> 00:47:14,324
To each his own, buddy.

886
00:47:14,428 --> 00:47:16,658
Oh, Miss Penguin Pussy.
Who the fuck are you?

887
00:47:16,763 --> 00:47:19,527
Stu Klaminsky.
Nice to meet you.

888
00:47:19,633 --> 00:47:22,830
Anyway, Cam's the one, man.

889
00:47:22,936 --> 00:47:25,370
When I'm with her,
I don't know, Stu.

890
00:47:25,472 --> 00:47:27,133
I mean, I feel like...

891
00:47:27,841 --> 00:47:29,570
She just-
She-

892
00:47:29,676 --> 00:47:30,904
Completes you.

893
00:47:31,011 --> 00:47:32,239
- Screw you.
- Screw you.

894
00:47:32,346 --> 00:47:33,574
And can I just say

895
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:35,511
that I'm an idiot
for listening to you?

896
00:47:35,616 --> 00:47:36,583
Public service.

897
00:47:36,683 --> 00:47:37,581
May I remind you

898
00:47:37,684 --> 00:47:38,981
that you got
your axle greased

899
00:47:39,086 --> 00:47:40,383
a fair amount
in the process?

900
00:47:40,487 --> 00:47:42,978
What's sex without love?

901
00:47:43,924 --> 00:47:45,323
Sex!

902
00:47:45,425 --> 00:47:48,485
It's still sex!

903
00:47:48,595 --> 00:47:50,222
Jesus Christ.

904
00:47:50,330 --> 00:47:53,493
I never met a guy so bummed
to squirt a little baby gravy.

905
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:54,760
Baby gravy?

906
00:47:54,868 --> 00:47:56,995
You know, man chowder.

907
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:02,601
Can't believe you're going
cold turkey for this chick.

908
00:48:02,709 --> 00:48:04,540
If she wants me to be
more like a Gentoo,

909
00:48:04,645 --> 00:48:07,136
I'm going to be
like a Gentoo.

910
00:48:07,247 --> 00:48:08,544
You lost me.

911
00:48:08,649 --> 00:48:11,174
Gentoo.
It's a monogamous penguin.

912
00:48:11,285 --> 00:48:15,722
Who's ridiculed
by the other penguins

913
00:48:15,822 --> 00:48:18,120
for being a fag.

914
00:48:20,260 --> 00:48:22,023
Here it comes!

915
00:48:29,836 --> 00:48:32,304
You got some- right there.

916
00:48:32,406 --> 00:48:33,634
Thanks.

917
00:48:33,740 --> 00:48:35,139
Do I have any on me?

918
00:48:35,242 --> 00:48:36,140
No, no.

919
00:48:36,243 --> 00:48:37,540
You want to get that?

920
00:48:38,845 --> 00:48:40,073
You're silly.

921
00:48:41,848 --> 00:48:43,713
I have something for you.

922
00:48:43,817 --> 00:48:44,806
Really?

923
00:48:45,919 --> 00:48:47,386
A gift?

924
00:48:47,487 --> 00:48:49,011
Oh, bad form.

925
00:48:49,122 --> 00:48:50,521
A gift on the third date?

926
00:48:50,624 --> 00:48:51,886
Open it.

927
00:48:51,992 --> 00:48:53,391
Okay.

928
00:48:57,564 --> 00:48:59,623
You're an asshole.

929
00:48:59,733 --> 00:49:01,724
Yes, but a thoughtful asshole.

930
00:49:01,835 --> 00:49:03,393
Thank you.

931
00:49:06,073 --> 00:49:08,405
So, fess up about this charm.

932
00:49:09,509 --> 00:49:10,567
You heard about that.

933
00:49:10,677 --> 00:49:13,145
Yeah. It's quite a scam
you got going.

934
00:49:13,247 --> 00:49:14,737
- No, it's not me.
- Please.

935
00:49:14,848 --> 00:49:15,974
It's not.
I'm serious.

936
00:49:16,083 --> 00:49:17,710
Somebody somewhere
got it into their head

937
00:49:17,818 --> 00:49:19,445
that once a girl's
been with me,

938
00:49:19,553 --> 00:49:20,679
she'll meet her true love

939
00:49:20,787 --> 00:49:22,618
with the next guy
she goes out with.

940
00:49:22,723 --> 00:49:23,747
Can you believe it?

941
00:49:23,857 --> 00:49:25,256
Please.

942
00:49:25,359 --> 00:49:27,919
People will believe
whatever they want to believe.

943
00:49:41,842 --> 00:49:43,400
Okay. I've got one for you.

944
00:49:43,510 --> 00:49:45,034
Did you know
it is physically impossible

945
00:49:45,145 --> 00:49:47,170
for a human being
to lick their own elbow?

946
00:49:47,281 --> 00:49:48,373
How do you know that?

947
00:49:48,482 --> 00:49:49,471
No one can do it.

948
00:49:49,583 --> 00:49:51,210
All right.
I can do it.

949
00:49:55,889 --> 00:49:57,652
Can't do it, my friend.

950
00:49:57,758 --> 00:49:58,986
All right, fine.

951
00:49:59,092 --> 00:50:00,184
I've got one.

952
00:50:00,294 --> 00:50:01,955
Did you know
that the average person

953
00:50:02,062 --> 00:50:04,223
produces 10,000 gallons of saliva
in their lifetime?

954
00:50:04,331 --> 00:50:08,131
Did you know that I produce
10,000 gallons of saliva in one kiss?

955
00:50:08,235 --> 00:50:09,259
That's disgusting.

956
00:50:09,369 --> 00:50:10,768
I'm going to show you.
Come here.

957
00:50:10,871 --> 00:50:12,270
I'm serious.
I'm serious about this.

958
00:50:12,372 --> 00:50:14,135
I don't like sloppy kisses.

959
00:50:46,239 --> 00:50:47,934
Are you trying to unhook my bra?

960
00:50:48,041 --> 00:50:51,533
No. No.
I wouldn't do that. No.

961
00:50:51,645 --> 00:50:53,977
Why not?
Am I not your type?

962
00:50:54,081 --> 00:50:56,072
You are definitely my type.

963
00:50:56,183 --> 00:50:57,241
What's your type?

964
00:50:57,351 --> 00:50:59,911
Black and blue,
riddled with bandages.

965
00:51:01,388 --> 00:51:04,221
And braless.
Yeah. Definitely braless.

966
00:51:20,140 --> 00:51:22,108
Your move.

967
00:51:27,881 --> 00:51:28,973
That's it?

968
00:51:29,082 --> 00:51:30,606
Socks are next.
Slow down.

969
00:51:30,717 --> 00:51:32,207
Wuss.

970
00:51:37,224 --> 00:51:38,657
You really want to do this?

971
00:51:38,759 --> 00:51:41,159
I mean, you really want
to take us further?

972
00:51:54,274 --> 00:51:56,105
This is not happening.

973
00:51:59,746 --> 00:52:01,373
I got to get it.

974
00:52:01,481 --> 00:52:03,381
It's- It's my emergency line.

975
00:52:03,483 --> 00:52:04,381
No. No.

976
00:52:04,484 --> 00:52:06,452
I got to get it.
I'll be back.

977
00:52:06,553 --> 00:52:07,679
I'll be fast.

978
00:52:11,525 --> 00:52:12,583
Dr. Logan speaking.

979
00:52:12,692 --> 00:52:14,387
Dude!

980
00:52:15,896 --> 00:52:17,796
Is this an emergency?

981
00:52:17,898 --> 00:52:19,559
You're going to want
to hear this, man.

982
00:52:19,666 --> 00:52:22,692
Well, I am rather busy
right now.

983
00:52:22,803 --> 00:52:23,895
Good night!

984
00:52:24,004 --> 00:52:25,835
Whoa, whoa, wait.
Did you bone her yet?

985
00:52:25,939 --> 00:52:28,806
Look, unless
this is an emergency,

986
00:52:28,909 --> 00:52:31,070
call my office
in the morning.

987
00:52:31,178 --> 00:52:33,442
Fine. You want
to lose her forever,

988
00:52:33,547 --> 00:52:35,208
you hang up the phone
right now.

989
00:52:35,315 --> 00:52:38,250
This is going to be
the best night of your life.

990
00:52:38,351 --> 00:52:39,943
Are you still there?

991
00:52:40,053 --> 00:52:43,454
Chuck. Are you there?

992
00:52:43,557 --> 00:52:44,854
What are you
talking about?

993
00:52:44,958 --> 00:52:47,256
Dude, it's that charm thing.

994
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:49,760
It turns out it's real!

995
00:52:49,863 --> 00:52:53,629
No. That's not true
because you told me yourself-

996
00:52:53,733 --> 00:52:55,166
Uh-uh, but now I believe.

997
00:52:55,268 --> 00:52:57,133
I started
calling all your exes.

998
00:52:57,237 --> 00:52:58,568
They're married.

999
00:52:58,672 --> 00:53:00,196
Not just some. All.

1000
00:53:00,307 --> 00:53:02,434
A to Z on your Palm Pilot, man.

1001
00:53:02,542 --> 00:53:04,237
Susan Agrezzi
to Jeannie Zeigert.

1002
00:53:04,344 --> 00:53:06,676
Every single one
you closed the deal with.

1003
00:53:06,780 --> 00:53:09,408
And did you see this month's
high school newsletter?

1004
00:53:09,516 --> 00:53:10,881
Sarah McDowell.

1005
00:53:10,984 --> 00:53:12,747
What, the girl
I lost my virginity to?

1006
00:53:12,853 --> 00:53:14,582
Did you see who she
wound up marrying?

1007
00:53:14,688 --> 00:53:18,146
Tony Lamberto, that douche bag
she dumped you for!

1008
00:53:18,258 --> 00:53:21,250
You know what this means,
don't you?

1009
00:53:21,361 --> 00:53:22,726
You shake the sheets with Cam,

1010
00:53:22,829 --> 00:53:24,990
she's going to marry
the next guy she dates.

1011
00:53:26,399 --> 00:53:29,027
This- This-

1012
00:53:29,135 --> 00:53:30,432
I hate you.

1013
00:53:30,537 --> 00:53:33,005
I really hate you!

1014
00:53:37,043 --> 00:53:38,908
I got to go.
I got to go.

1015
00:53:39,012 --> 00:53:40,775
A dental emergency.

1016
00:53:40,881 --> 00:53:43,008
Freak accident.

1017
00:53:43,116 --> 00:53:45,676
Children, they thought
it was gumballs.

1018
00:53:45,785 --> 00:53:47,252
Ball bearings,

1019
00:53:47,354 --> 00:53:49,845
and it just fucked up
their shit.

1020
00:53:51,391 --> 00:53:53,291
You look great.
I had a good time.

1021
00:53:53,393 --> 00:53:54,382
I got to go.

1022
00:53:56,496 --> 00:53:57,463
I got to go!

1023
00:54:00,100 --> 00:54:02,000
I can't believe you're
really considering doing this.

1024
00:54:02,102 --> 00:54:04,263
If you believe it
and everyone else believes it,

1025
00:54:04,371 --> 00:54:05,565
what else can I do?

1026
00:54:05,672 --> 00:54:06,730
Anything but this.

1027
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:07,932
I got to be sure.

1028
00:54:08,041 --> 00:54:10,066
I've got to put the curse to the test.

1029
00:54:10,176 --> 00:54:12,041
Where is she?

1030
00:54:12,145 --> 00:54:13,578
She's beached over there

1031
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:17,047
by the giant garbage bag
full of doughnut holes.

1032
00:54:17,150 --> 00:54:19,345
Eleanor Skepple.

1033
00:54:19,452 --> 00:54:23,252
She's angry, rude,
and she smells bad.

1034
00:54:23,356 --> 00:54:24,983
In addition to back acne,

1035
00:54:25,091 --> 00:54:29,221
she's got front acne
and side acne.

1036
00:54:29,329 --> 00:54:31,456
You see that glass of water there?

1037
00:54:31,565 --> 00:54:33,533
She keeps her teeth
in that glass.

1038
00:54:33,633 --> 00:54:37,364
So you're saying
that she's single.

1039
00:54:37,470 --> 00:54:38,835
She's your best bet, man.

1040
00:54:38,939 --> 00:54:40,600
You sink the soldier all you want.

1041
00:54:40,707 --> 00:54:42,038
This chick ain't never
getting married.

1042
00:54:42,142 --> 00:54:44,303
If she was the last woman
on the face of the earth,

1043
00:54:44,411 --> 00:54:47,380
humanity would come
to a screeching halt.

1044
00:55:05,031 --> 00:55:08,489
Hey, asshole,
got my peanut butter?

1045
00:55:08,602 --> 00:55:12,163
No. My name's Charlie.

1046
00:55:16,776 --> 00:55:18,368
I'm sorry.
I was just wondering

1047
00:55:18,478 --> 00:55:21,572
if, um- if I could
take you out tonight.

1048
00:55:21,681 --> 00:55:24,377
How does that-
How does that sound?

1049
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,488
You want me to elaborate?

1050
00:55:29,589 --> 00:55:31,489
No. I get your drift.

1051
00:55:31,591 --> 00:55:33,183
I'm sorry to have bothered you.

1052
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:42,560
Pay you a hundred dollars
to go out with me tonight.

1053
00:55:45,472 --> 00:55:46,700
$200.

1054
00:55:49,275 --> 00:55:50,401
Make me happy.

1055
00:55:58,785 --> 00:55:59,979
So a thousand dollars,

1056
00:56:00,086 --> 00:56:02,714
and all you have to do
is take me to dinner?

1057
00:56:04,190 --> 00:56:06,750
Well, actually, I thought
that maybe we could,

1058
00:56:06,860 --> 00:56:09,920
you know, we-
you and I could, uh-

1059
00:56:15,568 --> 00:56:16,899
get physical.

1060
00:56:18,471 --> 00:56:20,769
All right.

1061
00:56:20,874 --> 00:56:24,935
I'm gonna fuck you
till you die!

1062
00:56:43,296 --> 00:56:44,957
And now we wait.

1063
00:56:48,702 --> 00:56:53,002
Oh, Coco,
I know how you feel.

1064
00:56:53,106 --> 00:56:55,074
We just put ourselves
out there,

1065
00:56:55,175 --> 00:56:56,301
and what happened?

1066
00:56:56,409 --> 00:56:58,070
I'm left hanging.

1067
00:56:58,178 --> 00:57:00,271
Huh, girl?

1068
00:57:03,049 --> 00:57:04,778
Has he called yet?

1069
00:57:04,884 --> 00:57:07,409
No, Joe, he hasn't.

1070
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:11,286
Thanks for asking.
I really appreciate it.

1071
00:57:11,391 --> 00:57:13,825
God, I feel so stupid.

1072
00:57:13,927 --> 00:57:16,259
Why did I act like that?

1073
00:57:17,630 --> 00:57:19,097
Why hasn't he called?

1074
00:57:19,199 --> 00:57:22,225
All this waiting
is driving me crazy.

1075
00:57:22,335 --> 00:57:26,271
You know, there's always
some madness in love.

1076
00:57:26,372 --> 00:57:32,106
But there's also always
some reason in madness.

1077
00:57:33,546 --> 00:57:35,207
Nietzsche.

1078
00:57:35,315 --> 00:57:37,340
Been using the pages
of this philosophy book

1079
00:57:37,450 --> 00:57:38,542
for rolling paper.

1080
00:57:38,651 --> 00:57:41,552
It's like I'm smoking
their thoughts.

1081
00:57:48,561 --> 00:57:49,550
It's him.

1082
00:57:49,662 --> 00:57:51,562
Well, get it.

1083
00:57:51,664 --> 00:57:53,256
I'm gonna let it ring.

1084
00:57:56,402 --> 00:57:57,994
I'll screen it.

1085
00:57:58,104 --> 00:58:00,265
Sorry I haven't called,
but I've been really sick.

1086
00:58:01,608 --> 00:58:03,269
I can't even get out of bed.

1087
00:58:03,376 --> 00:58:06,072
Do you think maybe we could
just talk on the phone

1088
00:58:06,179 --> 00:58:07,271
or on the computer?

1089
00:58:09,115 --> 00:58:11,015
I'd really, really like that.

1090
00:58:11,117 --> 00:58:12,516
Call me.

1091
00:59:35,168 --> 00:59:36,601
I can't pretend
to be sick forever.

1092
00:59:36,703 --> 00:59:37,829
Come on, man.
You're my hero.

1093
00:59:37,937 --> 00:59:39,928
- I don't know.
- Yeah, you gotta do this for me.

1094
00:59:40,039 --> 00:59:42,064
You got this, my brother.
You're a crazy train.

1095
00:59:42,175 --> 00:59:43,836
You're the man
in the mirror.

1096
00:59:43,943 --> 00:59:45,604
You're a force of nature.
Hurricane Stu.

1097
00:59:45,712 --> 00:59:46,610
I can't do it.

1098
00:59:46,713 --> 00:59:47,907
You have to do it.

1099
00:59:48,014 --> 00:59:49,413
No one's asked her out yet.

1100
00:59:49,515 --> 00:59:52,006
Yeah, right. So I go out
with Eleanor Skepple

1101
00:59:52,118 --> 00:59:53,085
to test your curse,

1102
00:59:53,186 --> 00:59:54,448
and what happens next?

1103
00:59:54,554 --> 00:59:56,215
I'm walking down the aisle
with Shamu!

1104
00:59:56,322 --> 00:59:57,380
I don't think so.

1105
00:59:57,490 --> 00:59:59,219
Do you see what I'm doing here?

1106
01:00:00,593 --> 01:00:01,855
The friend card, man?

1107
01:00:01,961 --> 01:00:02,893
Yeah.

1108
01:00:02,996 --> 01:00:04,020
That's mean.

1109
01:00:04,130 --> 01:00:06,155
You leave me no choice.

1110
01:00:07,634 --> 01:00:10,660
Give me that,
you son of a bitch.

1111
01:00:10,770 --> 01:00:12,397
If I marry her, Chuck,

1112
01:00:12,505 --> 01:00:14,803
we're going to hunt you down
and eat you.

1113
01:00:29,222 --> 01:00:30,280
Yeah, Stu.

1114
01:00:34,560 --> 01:00:36,494
I can't believe
you're still sick.

1115
01:00:36,596 --> 01:00:37,995
How long has it been?

1116
01:00:38,097 --> 01:00:39,928
Two weeks. It's, uh...

1117
01:00:40,033 --> 01:00:41,330
it's killing me,
but, you know,

1118
01:00:41,434 --> 01:00:42,765
I don't
want to infect you.

1119
01:00:42,869 --> 01:00:45,030
At this point,
I wouldn't mind.

1120
01:00:47,140 --> 01:00:48,903
You know, I feel
like a kid again.

1121
01:00:49,008 --> 01:00:50,805
I haven't talked
on the phone this much

1122
01:00:50,910 --> 01:00:52,207
since I was in high school.

1123
01:00:52,312 --> 01:00:53,609
That reminds me.

1124
01:00:53,713 --> 01:00:55,772
Would you go to the prom with me?

1125
01:00:57,116 --> 01:00:58,947
I love your voice.

1126
01:00:59,052 --> 01:01:02,249
The crazy things is,
I can't picture you anymore.

1127
01:01:02,355 --> 01:01:04,289
Okay, here's the update:

1128
01:01:04,390 --> 01:01:05,652
I am now 4' 3",

1129
01:01:05,758 --> 01:01:09,285
I weigh 235 pounds,
and I've got a cleft eye.

1130
01:01:11,664 --> 01:01:13,063
Can I ask you something?

1131
01:01:13,166 --> 01:01:14,394
Yeah.

1132
01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:16,832
Are you not into girls?

1133
01:01:21,874 --> 01:01:24,434
No.
No.

1134
01:01:24,544 --> 01:01:27,308
Are you... seriously, are you there?

1135
01:01:27,413 --> 01:01:28,311
Yeah.

1136
01:01:28,414 --> 01:01:29,938
I'm not... not into girls.

1137
01:01:30,049 --> 01:01:31,914
You should have seen
my room growing up.

1138
01:01:32,018 --> 01:01:34,009
It was full of posters of... of girls!

1139
01:01:34,120 --> 01:01:35,951
There was no guys.
It was girls!

1140
01:01:36,055 --> 01:01:39,252
Well, are you avoiding
actually seeing me?

1141
01:01:39,359 --> 01:01:42,795
No, Cam. I'm dying to see you.
It's killing me.

1142
01:01:42,895 --> 01:01:45,955
Then come over.
Right now. Wash my back.

1143
01:01:46,065 --> 01:01:47,157
Come on.

1144
01:01:47,266 --> 01:01:49,427
I'll wear a mask.
You could wear a mask.

1145
01:01:49,535 --> 01:01:50,433
We'll play doctor.

1146
01:01:50,536 --> 01:01:53,061
Ooh, boy. I want to,

1147
01:01:53,172 --> 01:01:54,332
but with the-

1148
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:56,032
No buts.
I need to see you.

1149
01:01:56,142 --> 01:01:58,201
I need to see if that
birthmark you have

1150
01:01:58,311 --> 01:01:59,437
really looks like Alfred Hitchcock.

1151
01:01:59,545 --> 01:02:01,308
Now, wait. No. That-

1152
01:02:01,414 --> 01:02:03,575
That is a restricted area, okay?

1153
01:02:03,683 --> 01:02:04,980
Not everybody gets a peek

1154
01:02:05,084 --> 01:02:06,551
at the Master of Suspense,

1155
01:02:06,652 --> 01:02:07,914
if you know
what I'm saying.

1156
01:02:08,021 --> 01:02:09,113
If I can't see you,

1157
01:02:09,222 --> 01:02:10,553
we should take
our phone relationship

1158
01:02:10,656 --> 01:02:11,748
to the next level.

1159
01:02:12,925 --> 01:02:14,119
What do you mean?

1160
01:02:16,729 --> 01:02:17,923
Oh, yeah.

1161
01:02:18,031 --> 01:02:19,760
That feels good.

1162
01:02:19,866 --> 01:02:22,562
I like that.
Do you like that?

1163
01:02:22,668 --> 01:02:24,101
Like what?

1164
01:02:24,203 --> 01:02:25,500
That's my phone sex voice.

1165
01:02:25,605 --> 01:02:28,870
Come on, Charlie,
work with me here.

1166
01:02:28,975 --> 01:02:31,876
I want to. I just don't
think that we should do that.

1167
01:02:31,978 --> 01:02:33,809
I mean, nothing to do with-

1168
01:02:33,913 --> 01:02:35,039
Does your phone
receive pictures?

1169
01:02:35,148 --> 01:02:36,172
Yeah, why?

1170
01:02:36,282 --> 01:02:37,180
Sending.

1171
01:02:37,283 --> 01:02:38,443
Sending?

1172
01:02:38,551 --> 01:02:40,109
What are you sending to me?

1173
01:02:41,788 --> 01:02:42,686
Fuck!

1174
01:02:44,857 --> 01:02:45,983
- I got it.
- Got it?

1175
01:02:46,092 --> 01:02:47,650
I'm done for the night.
Thank you.

1176
01:02:48,761 --> 01:02:50,092
Oh, God.
Hold on one second.

1177
01:02:50,196 --> 01:02:51,163
Stu, what's up?

1178
01:02:52,698 --> 01:02:54,757
The deed is done.

1179
01:02:54,867 --> 01:02:56,994
I went out
with Eleanor Skepple.

1180
01:02:57,103 --> 01:02:58,866
I'm not proposing to her,

1181
01:02:58,971 --> 01:03:00,962
so you're in the clear.

1182
01:03:02,642 --> 01:03:03,700
Are you there?

1183
01:03:03,810 --> 01:03:05,437
Chuck?

1184
01:03:10,450 --> 01:03:11,542
I feel better.

1185
01:04:00,466 --> 01:04:02,093
Camcorder in the bedroom, huh?

1186
01:04:02,201 --> 01:04:03,168
Kinky.

1187
01:04:09,675 --> 01:04:12,109
So, for the, uh, camera,

1188
01:04:12,211 --> 01:04:14,805
do I have to sign a waiver
or something, you know,

1189
01:04:14,914 --> 01:04:16,006
for internet purposes?

1190
01:04:16,115 --> 01:04:17,946
You really want
to talk right now?

1191
01:04:19,252 --> 01:04:21,379
Whoa, those are nice.

1192
01:04:21,487 --> 01:04:23,182
Oh, God bless you.

1193
01:04:25,324 --> 01:04:26,222
You pushed me.

1194
01:04:26,325 --> 01:04:27,952
Sorry.
It's been a while.

1195
01:04:28,060 --> 01:04:30,460
I can see I'm going
to have to wear protection.

1196
01:04:53,819 --> 01:04:55,787
Stop staring at me.

1197
01:04:55,888 --> 01:04:58,254
You're creeping me out.

1198
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:29,545
...no matter what your size.

1199
01:05:29,655 --> 01:05:31,179
You will not go to waste.

1200
01:05:31,290 --> 01:05:32,689
Sometimes it takes
a little love

1201
01:05:32,792 --> 01:05:35,226
to make someone want
to shed the pounds.

1202
01:05:35,328 --> 01:05:36,955
Two main reasons-

1203
01:05:47,406 --> 01:05:48,930
What the hell?

1204
01:05:52,278 --> 01:05:53,302
Hello.

1205
01:05:53,412 --> 01:05:55,812
"The deed is done"?
The deed is done!

1206
01:05:55,915 --> 01:05:57,007
I thought you said

1207
01:05:57,116 --> 01:05:58,515
you went out
with Eleanor Skepple.

1208
01:05:58,618 --> 01:05:59,983
No, man. I just said that.

1209
01:06:00,086 --> 01:06:01,678
What?

1210
01:06:01,787 --> 01:06:03,186
I didn't want to risk it.

1211
01:06:03,289 --> 01:06:04,620
Marrying her?
Are you stupid?

1212
01:06:04,724 --> 01:06:05,884
But I saw you, man.

1213
01:06:05,992 --> 01:06:07,619
You asked her out.

1214
01:06:07,727 --> 01:06:09,718
No, man. I asked her
what time it was.

1215
01:06:09,829 --> 01:06:11,490
She said it was 3:53.

1216
01:06:14,567 --> 01:06:16,125
I can't believe
that I trusted you, Stu.

1217
01:06:16,235 --> 01:06:17,224
You fucked me!

1218
01:06:17,336 --> 01:06:18,530
Take out your friend card.

1219
01:06:18,638 --> 01:06:20,230
What?

1220
01:06:20,339 --> 01:06:22,739
Take out your friend card now
and rip it up

1221
01:06:22,842 --> 01:06:24,104
because you fucked me, Stu.

1222
01:06:24,210 --> 01:06:27,111
Oh, buddy, she's just a girl.

1223
01:06:27,213 --> 01:06:30,341
No. It's not a girl.

1224
01:06:33,219 --> 01:06:34,277
It's the girl.

1225
01:06:34,387 --> 01:06:36,947
Now I'm going to lose her.

1226
01:06:40,359 --> 01:06:42,623
I'm not going to lose her.

1227
01:06:50,336 --> 01:06:52,361
Breakfast in bed.

1228
01:06:53,739 --> 01:06:57,732
Wake up! Good morning!
It's a beautiful day!

1229
01:06:57,843 --> 01:06:59,310
Wow.

1230
01:06:59,412 --> 01:07:01,744
Am I supposed to eat
my way out of here?

1231
01:07:01,847 --> 01:07:03,439
I walked into the supermarket.

1232
01:07:03,549 --> 01:07:05,847
I stood there. I was like,
"What does Cam want?"

1233
01:07:05,951 --> 01:07:07,009
And I couldn't stop.

1234
01:07:07,119 --> 01:07:10,088
I was like, "She'll want that
and that and that," and I got it all.

1235
01:07:10,189 --> 01:07:12,350
They didn't have Spam, though.
I talked to the manager.

1236
01:07:12,458 --> 01:07:14,392
They won't have it in until next week.
Anyway, enjoy.

1237
01:07:14,493 --> 01:07:16,154
Are you okay?

1238
01:07:16,262 --> 01:07:17,661
I am fantastic.
I feel like-

1239
01:07:17,763 --> 01:07:19,253
I did this-

1240
01:07:19,732 --> 01:07:21,324
And then I gave myself
one of these. Look.

1241
01:07:21,434 --> 01:07:23,163
And I made out with myself.

1242
01:07:24,036 --> 01:07:25,367
You're acting kind of strange.

1243
01:07:25,471 --> 01:07:26,995
No. No, no.

1244
01:07:28,908 --> 01:07:30,876
Yeah, eat up. Eat up.
Try that. Try that.

1245
01:07:30,976 --> 01:07:32,170
Eat up.

1246
01:07:32,278 --> 01:07:34,439
Hey, um, what are your plans

1247
01:07:34,547 --> 01:07:36,037
for the rest of today?

1248
01:07:36,148 --> 01:07:38,616
I'm going to work.

1249
01:07:38,718 --> 01:07:40,379
I'm going to go
to work with you!

1250
01:07:40,486 --> 01:07:41,714
I'm going to hang out.

1251
01:07:41,821 --> 01:07:44,187
I got it all planned out.
I'm going to go.

1252
01:07:45,958 --> 01:07:47,949
I'm kidding.
I'm not going to work with you.

1253
01:07:48,060 --> 01:07:49,288
Actually, Saturday.

1254
01:07:49,395 --> 01:07:50,692
What are you plans for Saturday- Sunday?

1255
01:07:50,796 --> 01:07:51,728
What are your plans
for Sunday?

1256
01:07:51,831 --> 01:07:53,059
Don't even answer that

1257
01:07:53,165 --> 01:07:54,598
because I'm already
thinking about Wednesday.

1258
01:07:54,700 --> 01:07:55,826
What are you doing Wednesday?

1259
01:07:55,935 --> 01:07:57,562
Let's just seal it right now-
seal the deal-

1260
01:07:57,670 --> 01:07:59,160
and then I'll do my pineapple dance.

1261
01:07:59,271 --> 01:08:01,000
Yes, Wednesday?

1262
01:08:03,809 --> 01:08:06,334
This is your fault!
Everything!

1263
01:08:06,445 --> 01:08:09,903
You!

1264
01:08:11,083 --> 01:08:13,779
Jesus Christ, why me?

1265
01:08:13,886 --> 01:08:16,684
Just shut your lips, Stu.
Shut up!

1266
01:08:19,058 --> 01:08:21,083
Hi, Cam. What's up?
It's Charlie.

1267
01:08:21,193 --> 01:08:22,251
How are you doing today?

1268
01:08:22,361 --> 01:08:23,521
I just wanted to call

1269
01:08:23,629 --> 01:08:25,529
and make sure I had
the right number,

1270
01:08:25,631 --> 01:08:28,031
and I do, and I do.

1271
01:08:28,134 --> 01:08:29,260
How are you doing?

1272
01:08:29,368 --> 01:08:30,767
Having a good day at work?

1273
01:08:30,870 --> 01:08:33,202
Well, I'll let you get back,
but I wanted to remind you,

1274
01:08:33,305 --> 01:08:36,365
Wednesday night,
you and me, happily.

1275
01:08:36,475 --> 01:08:38,773
All right.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.

1276
01:08:38,878 --> 01:08:40,243
This is your fault!

1277
01:08:40,346 --> 01:08:41,745
His!

1278
01:08:45,718 --> 01:08:48,186
You already ate.
Why are you-

1279
01:08:57,863 --> 01:09:00,627
Is there something different
in here since lunch?

1280
01:09:26,525 --> 01:09:28,891
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, banana

1281
01:09:28,994 --> 01:09:31,724
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, banana

1282
01:09:31,831 --> 01:09:34,163
Got me lookin'
so crazy right now

1283
01:09:34,266 --> 01:09:37,133
Your love's got me
lookin' so crazy right now

1284
01:09:37,236 --> 01:09:39,727
Got me lookin'
so crazy right now

1285
01:09:39,839 --> 01:09:42,569
Your touch has got me
lookin' so crazy right now

1286
01:09:42,675 --> 01:09:45,337
Got me hopin'
you'd page me right now

1287
01:09:45,444 --> 01:09:48,470
Your kiss got me hopin'
you'd save me right now

1288
01:09:48,581 --> 01:09:51,072
Lookin' so crazy,
your love's got me lookin'

1289
01:09:51,183 --> 01:09:55,779
Got me lookin' so crazy,
your love

1290
01:09:55,888 --> 01:09:57,583
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, got it.

1291
01:09:57,690 --> 01:09:59,885
Got me going,
so pay me right now

1292
01:10:01,827 --> 01:10:04,022
Raise the habitat.

1293
01:10:04,129 --> 01:10:06,222
Crazy, crazy, crazy

1294
01:10:06,332 --> 01:10:08,493
Crazy for you

1295
01:10:10,569 --> 01:10:11,558
Changed my mind.

1296
01:10:11,670 --> 01:10:13,228
Took the day off
so I could hang.

1297
01:10:13,339 --> 01:10:14,567
I won't be in the way.

1298
01:10:14,673 --> 01:10:16,937
I know what you're thinking.
I'm going to be in the way.

1299
01:10:17,042 --> 01:10:19,909
But I think I'm going to blend in like this.
I think I'll blend. Look.

1300
01:10:20,012 --> 01:10:21,570
I know how to do that.

1301
01:10:21,680 --> 01:10:25,013
Charlie, I'm working.

1302
01:10:30,623 --> 01:10:32,523
Or I could go.

1303
01:10:32,625 --> 01:10:34,024
Yeah, I-

1304
01:10:36,795 --> 01:10:37,989
Get out of here.

1305
01:10:39,899 --> 01:10:40,991
No, no.

1306
01:10:41,100 --> 01:10:42,124
Thanks.

1307
01:10:50,776 --> 01:10:52,266
Have a great day at work.

1308
01:10:53,312 --> 01:10:55,143
My car's this way.

1309
01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:09,520
Hi, Cam.

1310
01:11:17,803 --> 01:11:19,600
Work is done.
Time for fun.

1311
01:11:23,509 --> 01:11:24,669
Hey.

1312
01:11:26,612 --> 01:11:28,170
Listen, I know
an amazing sushi place,

1313
01:11:28,280 --> 01:11:29,611
and the best part of all:

1314
01:11:29,715 --> 01:11:31,012
when you're finished
with your leftovers,

1315
01:11:31,116 --> 01:11:33,311
they put them in a doggie bag-
or a penguin bag.

1316
01:11:33,419 --> 01:11:35,011
- Charlie-
- Oh, you don't like sushi.

1317
01:11:35,120 --> 01:11:36,678
Uh, Thai? Indian.

1318
01:11:36,789 --> 01:11:39,758
Listen to me, you need
to leave me alone, okay?

1319
01:11:39,858 --> 01:11:41,155
I need some space.

1320
01:11:43,729 --> 01:11:44,991
So tonight is no good.

1321
01:11:45,097 --> 01:11:49,056
I'm very close
to changing my phone number.

1322
01:11:49,168 --> 01:11:50,999
Do you understand?

1323
01:12:07,720 --> 01:12:09,745
If you were a hamburger
at McDonald's,

1324
01:12:09,855 --> 01:12:12,221
I'd name you my
McBeautiful Tittie Sandwich

1325
01:12:12,324 --> 01:12:13,723
With Titties On Top.

1326
01:12:27,706 --> 01:12:29,435
- Can I see Stu?
- Just a sec-

1327
01:12:29,541 --> 01:12:30,667
Yeah.

1328
01:12:30,776 --> 01:12:33,540
Stu, I need you.
It's important.

1329
01:12:33,646 --> 01:12:35,841
I'm Dr. Charlie Logan.

1330
01:12:35,948 --> 01:12:38,542
I don't know who this Stu
is you speak of.

1331
01:12:48,827 --> 01:12:49,725
Call me.

1332
01:12:49,828 --> 01:12:50,852
I need your help.

1333
01:12:50,963 --> 01:12:52,863
Hey, are we still friends?

1334
01:12:52,965 --> 01:12:55,263
Cam is going to fall in love with
and get married

1335
01:12:55,367 --> 01:12:57,494
to the next guy she goes
on a date with, right?

1336
01:12:57,603 --> 01:12:59,696
I'm going to be that next guy.

1337
01:12:59,805 --> 01:13:01,329
Yeah.
You're a plastic surgeon.

1338
01:13:01,440 --> 01:13:04,136
You're going to...
change my face up.

1339
01:13:04,243 --> 01:13:06,370
I don't care if you
give me a beak.

1340
01:13:06,478 --> 01:13:08,378
I'm going to look
like a different guy.

1341
01:13:08,480 --> 01:13:09,708
That way,
when I meet her-

1342
01:13:09,815 --> 01:13:10,907
Hi. My name's Ronald-

1343
01:13:11,016 --> 01:13:13,109
I'm the new guy
she falls in love with.

1344
01:13:13,218 --> 01:13:14,276
Let's go. Right now.

1345
01:13:14,386 --> 01:13:16,581
Don't look at me
in that tone of voice.

1346
01:13:16,689 --> 01:13:19,157
I'm talking the truth.
Please?

1347
01:13:19,258 --> 01:13:21,226
Chuck...

1348
01:13:21,326 --> 01:13:23,260
take a look around, man.

1349
01:13:23,362 --> 01:13:26,160
I mean, I can give you tits.
You want tits?

1350
01:13:26,265 --> 01:13:29,063
So you're
not going to help me.

1351
01:13:29,168 --> 01:13:32,604
Yes, but not by
rearranging your face, man.

1352
01:13:32,705 --> 01:13:34,366
Come here. Have a seat.

1353
01:13:35,607 --> 01:13:37,006
There's got to be
a better way, right?

1354
01:13:38,110 --> 01:13:39,975
I mean, I know
things are bad now,

1355
01:13:40,079 --> 01:13:42,980
but things could be
a lot worse, right?

1356
01:13:43,082 --> 01:13:45,676
Listen, you could be
like my cousin, man.

1357
01:13:45,784 --> 01:13:47,274
He found out last week

1358
01:13:47,386 --> 01:13:49,183
he's got an inoperable
brain tumor.

1359
01:13:51,090 --> 01:13:51,988
That's horrible.

1360
01:13:52,091 --> 01:13:53,251
Yeah.

1361
01:13:53,358 --> 01:13:55,223
He's only got, like,
one week left to live.

1362
01:13:57,629 --> 01:13:58,857
That is...

1363
01:14:00,365 --> 01:14:01,798
perfect.

1364
01:14:01,900 --> 01:14:04,130
That's perfect.
He's the perfect guy for her.

1365
01:14:04,236 --> 01:14:05,134
What?

1366
01:14:05,237 --> 01:14:06,329
Yeah.
There's no harm, right?

1367
01:14:06,438 --> 01:14:08,133
He gets laid.
She falls in love.

1368
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:09,366
He's dead within a week.

1369
01:14:09,475 --> 01:14:10,601
I swoop in, console her.

1370
01:14:10,709 --> 01:14:11,801
Bing-bang-boom,
everybody's happy.

1371
01:14:11,910 --> 01:14:12,934
Hey!

1372
01:14:13,045 --> 01:14:15,741
Why don't you club her
and have a wedding ceremony

1373
01:14:15,848 --> 01:14:16,644
while she's knocked unconscious?

1374
01:14:16,749 --> 01:14:18,011
That'd work!

1375
01:14:19,718 --> 01:14:21,948
What the hell
is wrong with you?

1376
01:14:22,054 --> 01:14:25,615
You have to let her go.

1377
01:14:25,724 --> 01:14:29,091
That's the one thing
I can't do.

1378
01:15:00,425 --> 01:15:02,393
- Next time I'll bring my suit.
- Yeah.

1379
01:15:02,494 --> 01:15:03,825
Oh, no.

1380
01:15:03,929 --> 01:15:05,692
Oh, no. That's not good.

1381
01:15:11,136 --> 01:15:12,194
No.

1382
01:15:12,304 --> 01:15:14,465
It's over.

1383
01:15:14,573 --> 01:15:15,904
That has to be George.

1384
01:15:16,008 --> 01:15:18,033
George.

1385
01:15:20,445 --> 01:15:22,072
Hey, George!

1386
01:15:22,181 --> 01:15:23,739
- What's up, George?
- What?

1387
01:15:23,849 --> 01:15:25,180
- How you doing, George?
- I'm not George.

1388
01:15:25,284 --> 01:15:26,717
You're going to stay
away from Cam, all right?

1389
01:15:26,819 --> 01:15:29,947
You're going to stay away
from Cam, you hear me?

1390
01:15:30,055 --> 01:15:32,683
- You're George!
- Charlie!

1391
01:15:32,791 --> 01:15:34,258
- I'm not George!
- Cam!

1392
01:15:34,359 --> 01:15:35,519
What are you doing?

1393
01:15:35,627 --> 01:15:37,527
I just met George.
He's a real jerk.

1394
01:15:37,629 --> 01:15:39,028
You shouldn't like him.
I want to see you.

1395
01:15:39,131 --> 01:15:41,622
Stay away from me!
Stay away from me!

1396
01:15:41,733 --> 01:15:42,700
No!

1397
01:15:43,402 --> 01:15:45,802
Falling.

1398
01:15:47,506 --> 01:15:48,768
What is wrong with you?

1399
01:15:53,145 --> 01:15:54,237
I'm being bitten!

1400
01:15:54,346 --> 01:15:56,541
Does he have fish
in his pants?

1401
01:16:01,854 --> 01:16:04,948
Oh, those fuckers
are vicious.

1402
01:16:05,057 --> 01:16:06,456
Yeah? Well, they don't like it

1403
01:16:06,558 --> 01:16:08,185
when someone disturbs
their environment.

1404
01:16:08,293 --> 01:16:09,760
Time to go, buddy.

1405
01:16:09,862 --> 01:16:11,796
I know I've been acting crazy,
but there's a reasonable-

1406
01:16:11,897 --> 01:16:13,091
Let me guess, Charlie.

1407
01:16:13,198 --> 01:16:14,597
You believe
you're a lucky charm,

1408
01:16:14,700 --> 01:16:17,601
and you're afraid I'm going
to marry the next guy I date,

1409
01:16:17,703 --> 01:16:20,171
so you've been smothering me
and attacking my friends.

1410
01:16:20,272 --> 01:16:21,330
What about George, okay?

1411
01:16:21,440 --> 01:16:22,839
What about your date with George?

1412
01:16:22,941 --> 01:16:24,841
Wednesday night?
What big date with George?

1413
01:16:24,943 --> 01:16:26,638
George is my hairdresser!

1414
01:16:28,447 --> 01:16:31,075
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I was eavesdropping.

1415
01:16:31,183 --> 01:16:33,083
Are you really
Charlie Logan the lucky charm?

1416
01:16:33,185 --> 01:16:35,779
Because... I was wondering-

1417
01:16:35,888 --> 01:16:37,981
I can't. I'm sorry.
Cam, listen. Cam-

1418
01:16:38,090 --> 01:16:39,990
- No. Charlie, I just don't think we can
do this anymore.

1419
01:16:40,092 --> 01:16:40,922
- Don't say it!

1420
01:16:41,026 --> 01:16:42,323
- It's not working.
- Please, Cam.

1421
01:16:42,427 --> 01:16:44,486
Please, just don't say it's over.

1422
01:16:46,665 --> 01:16:47,757
It's over.

1423
01:17:16,762 --> 01:17:17,660
Dr. Charlie?

1424
01:17:17,763 --> 01:17:19,663
Hi, Reba.

1425
01:17:19,765 --> 01:17:21,699
I've been
calling you all day.

1426
01:17:21,800 --> 01:17:22,892
Where have you been?

1427
01:17:23,001 --> 01:17:24,866
Decided to take
another day off.

1428
01:17:24,970 --> 01:17:27,905
Hey, does our building
have roof access?

1429
01:17:28,006 --> 01:17:31,203
Oh, things can't be that bad.

1430
01:17:31,310 --> 01:17:34,541
You know, I owe you a thank-you.

1431
01:17:34,646 --> 01:17:37,444
I met a guy, and he's wonderful.

1432
01:17:37,549 --> 01:17:39,176
I really think he's the one.

1433
01:17:39,284 --> 01:17:43,277
That's great.
I'm happy for you.

1434
01:17:44,656 --> 01:17:48,023
You've done a good thing,
Dr. Charlie.

1435
01:17:48,126 --> 01:17:51,425
Helping people find love.

1436
01:17:51,530 --> 01:17:52,758
It's great.

1437
01:17:55,968 --> 01:17:58,027
I bet you didn't think
you'd be responsible

1438
01:17:58,136 --> 01:17:59,797
for helping me
find true love again,

1439
01:17:59,905 --> 01:18:01,065
but you did.

1440
01:18:01,173 --> 01:18:02,936
You did, Dr. Charlie.

1441
01:18:13,752 --> 01:18:15,617
Dr. Charlie, are you all right?

1442
01:18:15,721 --> 01:18:18,656
Love fall like rain.
I'm in pain.

1443
01:18:18,757 --> 01:18:20,247
She was right, Reba.

1444
01:18:20,359 --> 01:18:21,348
It's raining.

1445
01:18:21,460 --> 01:18:23,291
Oh, my God!

1446
01:18:27,265 --> 01:18:29,028
Stu, I need
to Google something.

1447
01:18:29,134 --> 01:18:30,260
Unacceptable!

1448
01:18:30,369 --> 01:18:31,597
Hey!

1449
01:18:31,703 --> 01:18:32,863
I wish I hadn't seen that!

1450
01:18:32,971 --> 01:18:34,905
A man can't masturbate
in his own house?

1451
01:18:35,007 --> 01:18:36,372
That is disgusting.

1452
01:18:36,475 --> 01:18:37,703
It's a known fact

1453
01:18:37,809 --> 01:18:39,367
that stimulation
of the prostate-

1454
01:18:39,478 --> 01:18:41,810
No, no, no, no.
Just get dressed

1455
01:18:41,913 --> 01:18:43,437
and wash your hands!

1456
01:18:46,151 --> 01:18:48,244
All I know is that I'm hexed.

1457
01:18:48,353 --> 01:18:50,844
Yeah. If by hexed
you mean bat-shit crazy,

1458
01:18:50,956 --> 01:18:52,116
then yeah,
you're hexed, man.

1459
01:18:52,224 --> 01:18:53,282
Don't you remember?

1460
01:18:53,392 --> 01:18:54,723
Black lipstick,
long fingernails. A total freak.

1461
01:18:54,826 --> 01:18:56,453
She wanted me
to show her my penis.

1462
01:18:56,561 --> 01:18:58,222
I wouldn't,
so she pulled my nipples

1463
01:18:58,330 --> 01:18:59,729
and put a hex on me.

1464
01:18:59,831 --> 01:19:02,561
Stu, I've lost the most
special person of my life.

1465
01:19:02,667 --> 01:19:04,692
I have to break this spell.

1466
01:19:04,803 --> 01:19:06,998
You haven't lost me, dude.

1467
01:19:07,105 --> 01:19:08,265
I'm here for you always.

1468
01:19:08,373 --> 01:19:10,068
Just drive the fucking car.

1469
01:19:13,979 --> 01:19:16,209
Oh, I'm so sorry, buddy.

1470
01:19:20,385 --> 01:19:22,615
Hey, what's up with Chester?

1471
01:19:22,721 --> 01:19:24,621
His girlfriend Molly's sick.

1472
01:19:24,723 --> 01:19:26,714
I sent her away for treatment.

1473
01:19:26,825 --> 01:19:28,486
He stopped grooming himself.

1474
01:19:31,196 --> 01:19:32,788
It's heartbreaking, you know?

1475
01:19:32,898 --> 01:19:34,297
If she doesn't come back,

1476
01:19:34,399 --> 01:19:36,833
he may never find another mate.

1477
01:19:42,507 --> 01:19:46,500
Murphy, maybe
you reacted too harshly.

1478
01:19:46,611 --> 01:19:48,442
You should call him.

1479
01:19:48,547 --> 01:19:49,775
I can't, Joe.

1480
01:19:49,881 --> 01:19:51,872
You saw him.
He's crazy.

1481
01:19:51,983 --> 01:19:54,884
Love does that
to you sometimes.

1482
01:19:54,986 --> 01:19:57,147
I don't want another one
of your philosophy lessons, Joe.

1483
01:19:57,255 --> 01:19:59,189
He was smothering me.

1484
01:19:59,291 --> 01:20:01,452
I want to be part of someone's life,

1485
01:20:01,560 --> 01:20:02,720
not all of it.

1486
01:20:02,828 --> 01:20:07,162
Have you taken a look
at your bedroom lately?

1487
01:20:07,265 --> 01:20:08,755
If you love something,

1488
01:20:08,867 --> 01:20:12,325
sometimes you just want
to be surrounded by it.

1489
01:20:19,978 --> 01:20:21,673
That's it. That's it.

1490
01:20:25,584 --> 01:20:28,075
How can I get her
to break the spell?

1491
01:20:28,186 --> 01:20:30,654
I don't know. She wanted to look
at your penis, right?

1492
01:20:30,755 --> 01:20:32,222
That was a joke.

1493
01:20:32,324 --> 01:20:33,552
Chuck?

1494
01:20:35,260 --> 01:20:36,488
Chuck, that was a joke.

1495
01:20:37,529 --> 01:20:38,518
Oh, my God.

1496
01:20:44,936 --> 01:20:47,166
Hi. Is your mother home?

1497
01:20:48,907 --> 01:20:51,569
Is your mother's name Anisha?

1498
01:20:51,676 --> 01:20:53,974
What's with the 50 questions?

1499
01:20:54,079 --> 01:20:55,478
That was two questions.

1500
01:20:55,580 --> 01:20:56,842
It's a hyperbole.

1501
01:20:56,948 --> 01:20:58,472
Sweetheart, who is it?

1502
01:21:00,418 --> 01:21:04,184
Are you Anisha Carpenter?

1503
01:21:04,289 --> 01:21:06,223
Do I know you?

1504
01:21:07,726 --> 01:21:09,421
Charlie Logan.

1505
01:21:10,695 --> 01:21:13,357
Look, I know this is
going to sound crazy,

1506
01:21:13,465 --> 01:21:16,093
but you put a hex on me

1507
01:21:16,201 --> 01:21:17,361
so that all my girlfriends

1508
01:21:17,469 --> 01:21:19,300
would fall in love
with other people,

1509
01:21:19,404 --> 01:21:21,031
and I need you...

1510
01:21:21,139 --> 01:21:22,663
to reverse the spell?

1511
01:21:26,912 --> 01:21:28,072
Woo! That-
That's your pendant.

1512
01:21:28,180 --> 01:21:29,545
You used to wear that!

1513
01:21:29,648 --> 01:21:32,549
You wore it at the party
when you pulled out my hair

1514
01:21:32,651 --> 01:21:34,243
and did the- with the thing.

1515
01:21:34,352 --> 01:21:35,717
And then you wanted
to see my penis,

1516
01:21:35,820 --> 01:21:36,844
and I said no.

1517
01:21:36,955 --> 01:21:38,855
Go to your room, Lila.
Lock the door.

1518
01:21:38,957 --> 01:21:40,356
But this is just getting good.

1519
01:21:40,458 --> 01:21:41,425
Now.

1520
01:21:42,961 --> 01:21:45,054
I'm sorry.

1521
01:21:45,163 --> 01:21:49,600
What can I do to convince you
to help me?

1522
01:22:07,786 --> 01:22:11,483
This spell-
turn it off, please.

1523
01:22:11,590 --> 01:22:12,989
Charlie, I was just a kid.

1524
01:22:13,091 --> 01:22:14,422
I didn't know
what I was doing.

1525
01:22:14,526 --> 01:22:15,823
I don't even know
what I did.

1526
01:22:15,927 --> 01:22:17,394
You fucked up my life!

1527
01:22:17,495 --> 01:22:18,587
That's what you did.

1528
01:22:18,697 --> 01:22:20,358
I asked you
to watch your language.

1529
01:22:20,465 --> 01:22:22,763
Your room. Now.

1530
01:22:25,670 --> 01:22:30,733
Anisha, I am begging you.

1531
01:22:30,842 --> 01:22:33,140
Have you ever wanted
someone so badly

1532
01:22:33,245 --> 01:22:35,406
that you would do anything
to get them?

1533
01:22:37,215 --> 01:22:39,649
If someone's
meant to be yours,

1534
01:22:39,751 --> 01:22:42,311
eventually they will be.

1535
01:22:46,424 --> 01:22:48,358
No.
Wait. No!

1536
01:22:48,460 --> 01:22:50,291
If you think
that by me being here,

1537
01:22:50,395 --> 01:22:51,521
we're supposed
to get together-

1538
01:22:51,630 --> 01:22:54,599
I wasn't talking about you.

1539
01:22:56,201 --> 01:22:57,930
My husband Kurt.

1540
01:22:58,036 --> 01:23:00,630
Really, Charlie, I was 10.

1541
01:23:00,739 --> 01:23:02,639
I may have thought
I was in love,

1542
01:23:02,741 --> 01:23:04,675
but I was also hot
for Scott Baio.

1543
01:23:06,177 --> 01:23:07,576
So-

1544
01:23:13,385 --> 01:23:16,218
I've blown it.

1545
01:23:17,255 --> 01:23:20,622
Well, then,
all you can do is let her go.

1546
01:23:31,670 --> 01:23:32,796
Yeah, dude!

1547
01:23:32,904 --> 01:23:34,565
You're my hero!

1548
01:23:37,008 --> 01:23:39,602
How was she?

1549
01:23:39,711 --> 01:23:40,735
Take me home.

1550
01:23:40,845 --> 01:23:43,643
I'm not that easy, man.

1551
01:23:43,748 --> 01:23:46,740
You're going to have to
take me to dinner first.

1552
01:23:46,851 --> 01:23:49,012
You little munchkin.

1553
01:23:49,120 --> 01:23:50,781
I have to set her free,

1554
01:23:50,889 --> 01:23:52,948
let Mother Nature
take its course.

1555
01:23:53,058 --> 01:23:54,923
If you love something,
set it free, right?

1556
01:23:56,695 --> 01:23:58,788
I think Cam is really
going to respond

1557
01:23:58,897 --> 01:24:00,159
to the new gay you,
Chuck.

1558
01:24:00,265 --> 01:24:02,358
Take me home.

1559
01:24:02,467 --> 01:24:04,094
I got a phone call to make.

1560
01:24:16,247 --> 01:24:19,148
Hi. I'm trying to find
Howard Blaine.

1561
01:24:19,250 --> 01:24:20,512
Hi, Howard.

1562
01:24:20,618 --> 01:24:22,245
Um, we've never met,

1563
01:24:22,354 --> 01:24:26,723
but I have a friend
that you really need to meet.

1564
01:24:32,997 --> 01:24:34,157
Howard?

1565
01:25:51,643 --> 01:25:53,270
Eat me.

1566
01:25:53,378 --> 01:25:54,868
Eat me.

1567
01:25:54,979 --> 01:25:56,378
Gotcha.

1568
01:25:58,783 --> 01:25:59,977
Owned.

1569
01:26:01,019 --> 01:26:02,987
Owned.

1570
01:26:03,087 --> 01:26:04,782
I'm getting married!

1571
01:26:05,957 --> 01:26:08,517
Chuck! I found my dream girl,

1572
01:26:08,626 --> 01:26:11,561
and it's all because
of you I just proposed.

1573
01:26:11,663 --> 01:26:13,528
Lara, get your sweet ass
over here.

1574
01:26:13,631 --> 01:26:14,859
You remember Lara?

1575
01:26:16,868 --> 01:26:18,961
Lara stepped out of heaven-

1576
01:26:20,071 --> 01:26:23,472
and into my office
to correct a condition.

1577
01:26:23,575 --> 01:26:24,735
She's got polymastia.

1578
01:26:25,944 --> 01:26:27,741
Has more than two boobs.

1579
01:26:27,846 --> 01:26:30,007
Isn't that perfect for me?
Show him.

1580
01:26:30,114 --> 01:26:31,012
No, no.

1581
01:26:31,115 --> 01:26:32,412
No, no, that's okay.

1582
01:26:32,517 --> 01:26:33,745
Really. I don't mind.

1583
01:26:33,852 --> 01:26:36,082
Yeah, I used to be
embarrassed about it,

1584
01:26:36,187 --> 01:26:37,984
but that was before
pookie pants here

1585
01:26:38,089 --> 01:26:40,250
made me realize
how special I am.

1586
01:26:40,358 --> 01:26:41,518
Oh, baby,
you're so goddamn special.

1587
01:26:41,626 --> 01:26:43,423
Oh, I love you, monkey pie.

1588
01:26:43,528 --> 01:26:44,961
- Okay, show him.
- Okay.

1589
01:26:48,032 --> 01:26:49,590
Is that or is that not

1590
01:26:49,701 --> 01:26:51,896
the most beautiful sight
you've ever seen in your life?

1591
01:26:52,003 --> 01:26:55,166
It's like seeing
the Grand Canyon for the first time.

1592
01:26:55,273 --> 01:26:57,833
It's like seeing Earth
from space.

1593
01:26:57,942 --> 01:26:59,671
Like Three's Company,

1594
01:26:59,777 --> 01:27:01,677
but all Chrissies,
you know what I'm saying?

1595
01:27:01,779 --> 01:27:02,905
I'm happy for you, buddy.

1596
01:27:04,182 --> 01:27:07,049
But, dude, that's not
why we came, okay?

1597
01:27:07,151 --> 01:27:10,552
Did you know that it smells
like shit in here?

1598
01:27:10,655 --> 01:27:12,486
You may want to open a window.

1599
01:27:12,590 --> 01:27:13,989
It's making me a little-

1600
01:27:14,092 --> 01:27:15,252
Okay, you tell him, baby.

1601
01:27:15,360 --> 01:27:17,954
Okay, so I'm friends with Katie,
who knows Cam,

1602
01:27:18,062 --> 01:27:20,121
and she said that Cam
said she's leaving today

1603
01:27:20,231 --> 01:27:22,825
for Antarctica
with some penguin guru.

1604
01:27:26,271 --> 01:27:29,240
That's nice.
I'm happy for her.

1605
01:27:32,577 --> 01:27:35,137
You sure as shit
don't look happy.

1606
01:27:35,246 --> 01:27:38,409
I loved something,
and I set her free.

1607
01:27:38,516 --> 01:27:40,143
She met somebody else.

1608
01:27:40,251 --> 01:27:43,311
But I set her free.
That's what's important.

1609
01:27:49,761 --> 01:27:51,786
She's leaving, buddy...

1610
01:27:53,197 --> 01:27:54,494
for Antarctica...

1611
01:27:55,767 --> 01:27:57,257
right now.

1612
01:27:57,368 --> 01:28:01,464
She is going.

1613
01:28:01,573 --> 01:28:05,669
She's going.

1614
01:28:05,777 --> 01:28:11,113
She's... leaving.

1615
01:28:11,215 --> 01:28:12,546
What the fuck am I doing?

1616
01:28:12,650 --> 01:28:13,810
That's what we're saying!

1617
01:28:13,918 --> 01:28:16,614
Go!
Go get your girl, will you?

1618
01:28:16,721 --> 01:28:17,710
He's a little slow.

1619
01:28:49,253 --> 01:28:51,687
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, guys.

1620
01:28:51,789 --> 01:28:52,983
Ma'am, excuse me.

1621
01:28:55,627 --> 01:28:58,755
Has the flight for
Antarctica boarded yet?

1622
01:28:58,863 --> 01:29:00,956
There are no direct flights, sir.

1623
01:29:01,065 --> 01:29:02,123
Connecting flight?

1624
01:29:02,233 --> 01:29:04,201
Which one?
There are two.

1625
01:29:04,302 --> 01:29:05,394
Has the flight

1626
01:29:05,503 --> 01:29:08,097
with a passenger
named Cam Wexler boarded yet?

1627
01:29:08,206 --> 01:29:11,437
Sorry, sir.
Can't give you that information.

1628
01:29:11,542 --> 01:29:13,976
Sir, you won't be able to go
to the gate without a ticket.

1629
01:29:14,078 --> 01:29:16,569
I have to get
to Antarctica,

1630
01:29:16,681 --> 01:29:19,775
so I will take a ticket
for both planes.

1631
01:29:19,884 --> 01:29:23,479
There are only first class
tickets available, sir.

1632
01:29:23,588 --> 01:29:26,785
Of course there are.
I'll take them both.

1633
01:29:28,359 --> 01:29:30,350
Are you traveling
with any baggage?

1634
01:29:30,461 --> 01:29:31,587
No.

1635
01:29:31,696 --> 01:29:33,391
No.

1636
01:29:33,498 --> 01:29:35,932
You do realize
that it's -60 degrees there.

1637
01:29:36,034 --> 01:29:37,058
Yes.

1638
01:29:39,504 --> 01:29:41,938
And that'll be $17,412.

1639
01:29:48,813 --> 01:29:49,802
Just do it.

1640
01:29:54,152 --> 01:29:55,278
Here you go.

1641
01:30:03,928 --> 01:30:06,362
Shoes, belt, watch.

1642
01:30:06,464 --> 01:30:08,398
You've never been
to an airport, dummy?

1643
01:30:15,807 --> 01:30:17,104
What goes in pockets?

1644
01:30:17,208 --> 01:30:18,334
Change.

1645
01:30:18,443 --> 01:30:20,411
Change.
Change goes in pockets.

1646
01:30:20,511 --> 01:30:21,535
Put it in the little bucket.

1647
01:30:21,646 --> 01:30:23,045
Don't waste
my big bucket.

1648
01:30:23,147 --> 01:30:24,705
No.
Small bucket!

1649
01:30:24,816 --> 01:30:26,113
I don't need it.

1650
01:30:26,217 --> 01:30:27,275
Want to make this quick?

1651
01:30:27,385 --> 01:30:28,784
I am in a real hurry.

1652
01:30:28,886 --> 01:30:30,251
Let's do this.
Take your pants off.

1653
01:30:30,354 --> 01:30:31,719
What?

1654
01:30:31,823 --> 01:30:33,916
You heard me.
Take your pants off.

1655
01:30:35,960 --> 01:30:38,019
I'm kidding you, weirdo.
Don't do that.

1656
01:30:38,129 --> 01:30:39,562
Why would you do that?

1657
01:30:39,664 --> 01:30:40,961
Come on, let's go.

1658
01:30:42,867 --> 01:30:45,301
Go, go, go.

1659
01:31:06,557 --> 01:31:07,524
Cam.

1660
01:31:08,860 --> 01:31:10,953
Wait!
One more! Here.

1661
01:31:18,736 --> 01:31:19,828
I meant to do that.

1662
01:31:31,015 --> 01:31:31,913
Here.

1663
01:31:32,016 --> 01:31:32,983
Thanks.

1664
01:31:34,752 --> 01:31:35,741
Charlie?

1665
01:31:35,853 --> 01:31:38,117
I'm sorry.
Please don't be mad.

1666
01:31:38,222 --> 01:31:41,020
Antarctica? You couldn't have
just taken her to a movie?

1667
01:31:41,125 --> 01:31:42,251
Charlie-

1668
01:31:42,360 --> 01:31:44,521
Look, I know that it's
crazy that I'm here,

1669
01:31:44,629 --> 01:31:47,223
but it felt even crazier
not to come.

1670
01:31:47,331 --> 01:31:49,765
Excuse me.
You have to take your seats.

1671
01:31:49,867 --> 01:31:50,765
Charlie-

1672
01:31:50,868 --> 01:31:51,960
My entire life,

1673
01:31:52,069 --> 01:31:53,730
I've been nothing more
than a stepping-stone

1674
01:31:53,838 --> 01:31:55,567
to every relationship
I've ever been in.

1675
01:31:55,673 --> 01:31:58,665
There's always been a next guy
who's better than me.

1676
01:31:58,776 --> 01:32:02,644
For once in my life,
I want to be that next guy.

1677
01:32:05,783 --> 01:32:09,685
I've never said this
to anybody in my whole life.

1678
01:32:09,787 --> 01:32:10,776
Cam...

1679
01:32:14,492 --> 01:32:16,687
I love you.

1680
01:32:16,794 --> 01:32:18,227
I love you, Cam.

1681
01:32:20,765 --> 01:32:23,359
Please don't go.

1682
01:32:24,869 --> 01:32:28,361
Charlie, I'm coming back
on Wednesday.

1683
01:32:28,472 --> 01:32:29,837
What?

1684
01:32:29,941 --> 01:32:30,839
Yeah.

1685
01:32:30,942 --> 01:32:32,102
But Howard and-

1686
01:32:32,210 --> 01:32:35,543
Have you met
Howard's wife Marilyn?

1687
01:32:35,646 --> 01:32:37,978
Howard's wife?

1688
01:32:38,082 --> 01:32:39,572
Howard's wife.

1689
01:32:39,684 --> 01:32:40,651
Hi.

1690
01:32:40,751 --> 01:32:42,150
Hi, Howard's wife.

1691
01:32:42,253 --> 01:32:43,242
Howard's wife.

1692
01:32:43,354 --> 01:32:45,914
I know about your call
to Howard.

1693
01:32:46,023 --> 01:32:47,684
I knew you wanted to meet him.

1694
01:32:47,792 --> 01:32:49,692
I knew it would make you happy.

1695
01:32:49,794 --> 01:32:51,989
I swear that's all
I've ever wanted to do.

1696
01:32:52,096 --> 01:32:54,860
Plus, mate selection
is up to the female.

1697
01:32:56,934 --> 01:32:59,027
But, Charlie,
you've been acting so-

1698
01:32:59,136 --> 01:33:00,797
I know, I know.
Idiotic, nuts.

1699
01:33:00,905 --> 01:33:02,896
And no more lucky charm excuse.

1700
01:33:03,007 --> 01:33:06,272
I'm done thinking
about the past and what could be.

1701
01:33:06,377 --> 01:33:09,278
All I care about now is what is.

1702
01:33:09,380 --> 01:33:11,746
And this-

1703
01:33:11,849 --> 01:33:14,079
This is.

1704
01:33:17,088 --> 01:33:18,783
Ladies and gentlemen,

1705
01:33:18,890 --> 01:33:20,585
we are about to close
the cabin doors.

1706
01:33:20,691 --> 01:33:21,783
Please take your seats.

1707
01:33:24,862 --> 01:33:25,954
That's for you.

1708
01:33:26,063 --> 01:33:27,621
Here.

1709
01:33:47,952 --> 01:33:49,010
Charlie!

1710
01:33:58,863 --> 01:34:00,524
Excuse me, are you that guy who-

1711
01:34:00,631 --> 01:34:01,791
He isn't anymore.

1712
01:35:01,926 --> 01:35:03,120
Excuse me.

1713
01:35:17,975 --> 01:35:20,876
Giggle monkey,
what are you looking for?

1714
01:35:20,978 --> 01:35:22,275
Sex tapes.

1715
01:35:22,380 --> 01:35:26,009
What is the point in house sitting
if you can't scope out

1716
01:35:26,117 --> 01:35:29,177
some good old-fashioned
homemade porn!

1717
01:35:29,286 --> 01:35:31,584
- Score!
- You're a genius.

1718
01:35:33,724 --> 01:35:34,748
Okay.

1719
01:35:34,859 --> 01:35:35,826
Hold on.

1720
01:35:43,701 --> 01:35:45,601
Do it. Do it. Oh, yeah.

1721
01:35:45,703 --> 01:35:46,601
Babe.

1722
01:35:46,704 --> 01:35:48,262
Yeah, what?

1723
01:35:48,372 --> 01:35:49,430
Oh, you like that.

1724
01:35:49,540 --> 01:35:51,440
You like when I do
stuff with the-

1725
01:35:51,542 --> 01:35:53,942
All right. I'll do it
for just one last time.

1726
01:35:54,045 --> 01:35:54,943
This is it.

1727
01:35:55,046 --> 01:35:56,138
Okay.

1728
01:35:56,247 --> 01:35:57,305
Because I'm not
into bestiality,

1729
01:35:57,415 --> 01:35:58,746
and you know that.
That's documented.

1730
01:35:58,849 --> 01:36:00,339
No, I know. It's fake.

1731
01:36:00,451 --> 01:36:01,349
All right.

1732
01:36:01,452 --> 01:36:02,350
But it's hot.

1733
01:36:02,453 --> 01:36:03,351
Okay.

1734
01:36:03,454 --> 01:36:05,820
Hey. So, uh...

1735
01:36:05,923 --> 01:36:07,117
so do you want to-

1736
01:36:07,224 --> 01:36:08,691
You come to this
glacier often?

1737
01:36:09,960 --> 01:36:13,452
I'm really interested in you
because you're a Gentoo soul.

1738
01:36:14,632 --> 01:36:15,963
You like that?

1739
01:36:16,067 --> 01:36:18,365
Yeah, I like that.
Do it faster.

1740
01:36:18,469 --> 01:36:20,562
You like... when I do that?

1741
01:36:21,839 --> 01:36:23,739
You ever seen me
go down on a-

1742
01:36:23,841 --> 01:36:25,001
Shh. It's okay. No, no.

1743
01:36:25,109 --> 01:36:26,474
Baby, baby, don't worry.

1744
01:36:28,512 --> 01:36:29,809
Yeah, I like that.

1745
01:36:35,619 --> 01:36:36,779
You like that, don't you?

1746
01:36:36,887 --> 01:36:37,785
Yeah.

1747
01:36:37,888 --> 01:36:38,912
Oh, that's so hot.

1748
01:36:39,023 --> 01:36:41,218
Shh. No more "Uhh. "
No more "Uhh. "

1749
01:36:44,228 --> 01:36:45,991
Do it. Yeah.

1750
01:36:46,097 --> 01:36:46,995
Oh, yeah.

1751
01:36:48,099 --> 01:36:51,125
That's really good.

1752
01:36:51,235 --> 01:36:52,634
Okay, now do the other thing.

1753
01:36:52,736 --> 01:36:53,862
Do the other thing.

1754
01:36:57,041 --> 01:36:59,100
Look at me. Here's
really what you like.

1755
01:36:59,210 --> 01:37:00,973
Yeah, you know what I like.

1756
01:37:01,078 --> 01:37:04,605
Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm really
getting in the mood now.

1757
01:37:04,715 --> 01:37:06,615
You like when I eat
your penguin ass?

1758
01:37:06,717 --> 01:37:09,015
Yeah. Baby,
I think I'm ready.

1759
01:37:10,387 --> 01:37:13,914
Turn it off, baby.

1760
01:37:15,626 --> 01:37:16,786
You still in the mood?

1761
01:37:16,894 --> 01:37:17,792
Yeah.

1762
01:37:17,895 --> 01:37:18,793
All right.

1763
01:41:10,194 --> 01:41:13,163
Subtitled by J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA