1
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:18,640
Testing, testing.

2
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,360
Significance, harms, inherency,
topicality, solvency.

3
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:28,520
Quiet, please.
Cell phones off, please.

4
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:38,760
Judges ready?

5
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,480
Timer ready?

6
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:41,880
The Affirmative
will please begin.

7
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,800
It will come as no
surprise to the judges,

8
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,400
our esteemed opponents from
Townsend Prep,

9
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:00,400
nor really to anyone at all

10
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,600
in the audience that we,
the Affirmative from Plainsboro High,

11
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,600
do hereby support this year's
National Policy Debate Resolution,

12
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,480
which I am supposed to recite now,
as if after an entire school year

13
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,680
it could still somehow
be unknown to any of us.

14
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,080
That is ridiculous. Therefore,
instead of senselessly repeating it,

15
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,800
I will offer up a moment of silence
during which I'd like every one of you

16
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,440
to say the resolution aloud. It will be
a final communal act for all of us,

17
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,120
the High School Policy Debaters
of New Jersey. Ready, set, go.

18
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,240
Resolved...

19
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,680
For those of you who aren't
done, I apologize,

20
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,640
but there's a reason why
I'm up here and you're down there,

21
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,560
and if you please, right now,
we're going to go at my pace.

22
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,880
Hang on if you can.

23
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,920
Our plan today is succinct. Only
by becoming a fully socialist regime,

24
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,120
will the United States government
ever emerge as the true moral leader

25
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,040
of the free world, and thus
create a lasting peace.

26
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,040
Therefore we support an amendment
to the Constitution of the United States

27
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,440
to outlaw all political parties
that do not embrace socialism

28
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,680
as their core philosophy.

29
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,400
On the stage of
the New Jersey State

30
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,600
High School Policy
Debate Championships

31
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,480
that spring night
stood Ben Wekselbaum

32
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,960
of Plainsboro High.

33
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,720
To anyone
who ever heard Ben debate

34
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,800
there was one thing
that was undeniable:

35
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,080
he had a voice.

36
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,760
Even then,
on that May night,

37
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,200
a real voice.

38
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,000
You're all wondering,
"When on earth

39
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,160
is he going to get to
farming subsidies?"

40
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,920
At long last the link to farming,
which is no doubt obvious by now,

41
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,880
agricultural societies collapse under
capitalism and thrive under socialism.

42
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,880
And agriculture has always
been a necessary industry.

43
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,360
- Without agriculture...
- As Ben Wekselbaum

44
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,280
set out the complexities
of their plan,

45
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,240
his partner
was biding her time,

46
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,240
picturing how
it would look up there...

47
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:23,840
the only trophy missing from her
crowded, gleaming shelf.

48
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:28,000
One team on the Affirmative,
arguing for the resolution.

49
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,960
The other on the Negative,
tearing it down.

50
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,040
This year's national resolution

51
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,960
is specifically about farming subsidies,
not socialism.

52
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,240
By overstepping the resolution, they
haven't met their prima fascie burden

53
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,400
to defend said resolution and
should be considered untopical.

54
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,120
Subsidies are at their heart an
extension of socialism...

55
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,120
that's from Gutierrez, '03.

56
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,520
That the negative team
has no legitimate arguments

57
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:43,520
against socialism isn't our fault.

58
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,320
They didn't penetrate the subject
as deeply as they should have.

59
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,000
To suggest that we haven't
refuted the very basis of socialism

60
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,680
is fallacious and specious.

61
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,440
I refer you again to the quotes
my partner read regarding...

62
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,280
And so it goes.
The high school debate,

63
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,360
like the war that rips through your city
and ravages everything in its path;

64
00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:00,160
Kids wielding words like weapons
and brandishing ideas like axes.

65
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,040
Nothing else mattered
in that final round.

66
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,360
There was no world
beyond it.

67
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,040
Except that 46 miles away

68
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:12,040
Hal Hefner was at home...
just sitting at home

69
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,720
like nothing
or none of New Jersey

70
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,360
was burning around him.

71
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,760
We're gonna have to
break up the set.

72
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,120
What am I gonna do?
Put it all in a garbage bag?

73
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,080
My stuff's not gonna
fit in a garbage bag.

74
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,240
- Yeah, put it in a garbage bag!
- Here, keep the deodorant.

75
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,800
Why don't you go down to the basement?
There's another set down there.

76
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,600
Quit slamming the drawers.

77
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,240
- Oh, come on!
- You're gonna break the drawers.

78
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,800
Give me a break. I'm taking this.
I hope you don't mind,

79
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:33,600
because you took
everything else of mine.

80
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:37,520
On that May night Hal Hefner
had hardly a voice at all.

81
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,680
Charlotte.

82
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,800
...could you not do that? Because I may
have to come back and get some stuff.

83
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,720
- See ya.
- No, no.

84
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,720
Don't take that bag.

85
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,880
Hey, Hal.
Earl, I'm...

86
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:55,600
I'm taking these. I'm not
going to be living here anymore

87
00:03:55,600 --> 00:04:00,000
and that's why I'm
taking the suitcases.

88
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,560
Just leave the big
bag with the rest of the set.

89
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,960
Lord, this is so you!

90
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,640
Here's your suitcase.

91
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,400
You guys are going
to be all right.

92
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,560
And I'll...

93
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,480
I'll see you
sometime soon.

94
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,680
I don't know
what else to say.

95
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,640
I can't put it into words.

96
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,960
Back on the stage of
the State Championships

97
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,920
the night at last
revealed itself

98
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960
as not just any night,

99
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,960
but as the night,
the night when it all began.

100
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,400
Ben Wekselbaum, the best voice
to ever debate for PHS,

101
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,080
Plainsboro High,

102
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,200
according to anyone
who ever heard him...

103
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,200
that Ben Wekselbaum,

104
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:09,800
he just went quiet.

105
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:12,280
Our next advantage basically says
that human relations can only thrive

106
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,840
in an atmosphere
of total equality.

107
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,800
That human relations
can only exist...

108
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,600
Sorry, I just said that.

109
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,560
Wait, wait, wait.

110
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,200
Ben?

111
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:57,080
46 miles apart,
at the very same moment,

112
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,040
all the arguments
stopped.

113
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:05,040
So there was this bridge
of silence spanning New Jersey.

114
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,640
No shouting
from Hal's parents,

115
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,440
no debating, no voice.

116
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,400
No one's voice at all.

117
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:25,000
That year's National Debate
topic was farming subsidies.

118
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,000
And if you don't know
how farming subsidies

119
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,680
could inspire all this commotion,

120
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,160
then you don't know life

121
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,880
and there's nothing
that can be said about it.

122
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,840
Suitcases end marriages and
farming subsidies launch cataclysms.

123
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,360
Can a voice travel
from one person to another,

124
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,880
like yawning or mono?

125
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,560
Sure it can.
That's our position:

126
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,960
That the will to speak
traveled that night

127
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,680
across the dark
New Jersey highways

128
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,400
until it arrived
on this very block,

129
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,800
where it would
take up residence,

130
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,840
or try to,
in someone new.

131
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,520
Gladys, let's go!

132
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,400
Timeliness is
an important part of it.

133
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,400
- Heston.
- Earl.

134
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,920
I'll just have the...
just the...

135
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,680
just the...
just the...

136
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:03,240
just the pizza,
thanks.

137
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:04,840
Thank you.

138
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,400
What kind of a name
is O. Henry?

139
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,840
Not a pseudonym,
that we all know;

140
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,360
but?

141
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,480
How about
nom de plume?

142
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,960
Does nom de plume
sound right?

143
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,880
It sounds right to me.
It was toward the end of the reading

144
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,240
that no one seems
to have completed.

145
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,880
Open your books
to page 248.

146
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,520
Let's do the reading that should
have been done last night.

147
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,360
Fish or pizza?

148
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,400
Yeah, I'll have the pizza.

149
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,120
Fish or pizza?

150
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,680
I'll have the...

151
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,880
The pizza's plain or pep.

152
00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,080
Fish is... not sure.

153
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,080
Like general fish.

154
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,160
Yeah, I'll have the...

155
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,120
the... the...

156
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,520
the, uh...

157
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,840
the... not...
not the...

158
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,360
I'll just... just...

159
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,040
- just...
- The fish?

160
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,960
The general fish...

161
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,240
please.

162
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,800
Come back for seconds.
Plenty left.

163
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,920
Thank you, ma'am.

164
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,880
- Fish or pizza?
- Pizza.

165
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,280
Do you want to keep on
trying the breathing exercises,

166
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,600
or something new?

167
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,880
Is it all right
if l... if I

168
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,760
don't have an opinion?

169
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,360
Let's try this.

170
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,440
I read in this journal,

171
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,920
"Clinical Pathways
to Speech Pathology,"

172
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,280
that it's hard
to be anything but fluent

173
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:21,200
when you whisper
or sing.

174
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,480
I sent away for a videotape
of some people trying that out.

175
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,720
Not a solution,
obviously,

176
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,280
but wanna give it
a shot?

177
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:34,000
I can't... I can't...
I can't...

178
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,400
I can't do this.

179
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,440
Isn't this
too stupid, Honoria?

180
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,120
Even for Honoria.

181
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,520
This is too stupid.
I can just feel it.

182
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,120
I explained this, Hal,
that this is not my specialty.

183
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,320
I'm sorry, I'm trying.

184
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,360
It's really a shame
that you're not hyperactive,

185
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,240
because that I know well.

186
00:10:56,240 --> 00:11:00,240
And that I can
work miracles with...

187
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,880
hyperactivity.

188
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,440
But...

189
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,440
back to breathing.
Yeah?

190
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,920
Breathe.

191
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,840
Good, come on.

192
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,000
It was 1858,

193
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,320
and while Senator Stephen Douglas
set out his case

194
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,440
that states ought to choose
whether to allow slavery,

195
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,000
Abraham Lincoln consulted

196
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,080
with the smart
citizens of Illinois

197
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,560
to plot his answer.

198
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,120
Lincoln's a chick.

199
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,200
Let me find now a citizen

200
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,800
to assist me in coming up
with arguments

201
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,000
against Senator Douglas.

202
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:44,640
Where can I find
such a citizen helper?

203
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,800
The commoner in the
striped plum-colored shirt...

204
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,040
we need you, sir.

205
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,840
Rise to your duty.

206
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,960
- Come on!
- Get up there.

207
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,000
My assistant has come
to offer me arguments

208
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,200
in my debate
against the Senator.

209
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,600
Ha!
Now I'm quaking.

210
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:26,760
What cannot a house
divided against itself do?

211
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:31,080
It is this argument
that will lead me to victory.

212
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,760
What cannot it do?

213
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,800
Uh...

214
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,920
it... it...

215
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,880
Hold it further away
from your mouth.

216
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:51,240
What cannot
a house divided do?

217
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:55,920
It can't...

218
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,280
can't st...

219
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,200
can't... can't...

220
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,560
Mr. President...

221
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:08,920
a house divided can't...

222
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,560
Some help
from the citizenry.

223
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,320
It can't stand.

224
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,920
I thought it would
shit itself.

225
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,120
Thank you.

226
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,600
How about a round of applause
for the good commoner?

227
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,120
Ladies and gentlemen,
the silence

228
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:29,440
with which you have listened to
Mr. Lincoln during his hour...

229
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,400
You look taller onstage.

230
00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,600
Agnes.

231
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,480
Agnes. Agnes.

232
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,400
Agnes.

233
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,840
I'm trying
not to listen, okay?

234
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,960
Distinctly not to... you're like
one foot away, so just...

235
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,680
Do you wanna
hear your problem?

236
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,800
You've no agenda.

237
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,000
Strictly head-in-
the-ground material.

238
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,920
Look at me.
Look at me.

239
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,120
I wake up every morning
and what do I do?

240
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,640
I create an agenda
for the day,

241
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,680
which is a sub-agenda
for the month,

242
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,720
which is in itself
a pie sl...

243
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,480
which is in itself
a pie slice

244
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,960
of my agenda
for life.

245
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,440
Do you want to hear
my purpose for today?

246
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,880
l... uh, l...
no.

247
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,840
l... l...
I can assure you

248
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,560
that I absolutely
do not.

249
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,960
Probably call the cops
on me anyway.

250
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,840
Hey, Adolf,
switch with me.

251
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,360
Upsy-daisy.

252
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,840
This is my seat.

253
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,440
Like all seats
on this vehicle,

254
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,680
yours has been paid
for with taxpayer money.

255
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,480
Which means that I
or anyone else

256
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,240
has just as much right
to it as you do.

257
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,840
In fact, given
the distinction

258
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,000
between what your family
surely pays in taxes and mine,

259
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:15,160
I think it's safe to say the seat
is substantially more mine than yours.

260
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,120
Do you see now?

261
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,840
I'll be taking just a minute to talk
to the little man,

262
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,600
and then you can go on borrowing
my seat for as long as you like

263
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,360
until I want it again,
right?

264
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,840
Coach Lumbly,
with the pilgrim hat,

265
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,920
she teaches patterns
of adult living.

266
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,960
She's on her third husband,
name of Wallace Lumbly. Wallace III.

267
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,000
It's a particular pattern she
doesn't lecture us on in class.

268
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,880
Anyway, she came up to me after
a presentation on egalitarianism

269
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,040
and said that although my argumentative
skills were at the fetal stage,

270
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:55,280
she sensed, somehow she
intuited my potential

271
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,200
and she invited me
on the team.

272
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,480
So now here I am two years later
doing the same thing with you...

273
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,400
recruiting,

274
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:05,160
ferreting out the debating
talent from the masses.

275
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,240
That's you.

276
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,680
I've ferreted you.

277
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,680
You mean...
you mean

278
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,240
public speaking?
Like, speaking...

279
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,520
in public?

280
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,960
No, I don't think that's...
that's not... that's not very...

281
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,160
Resolved that
the federal government

282
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,600
should support the
teaching of abstinence

283
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,200
in public schools...
from sex.

284
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,600
It's a big step up
from farming.

285
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,880
That was last year's
resolution.

286
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,800
Yeah, I know.

287
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,800
Suit yourself.

288
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,480
But deformed people
are the best.

289
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,360
Maybe it's because they
have a deep resource of anger.

290
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,800
It serves them well.

291
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,880
Were you trying
to say thank you?

292
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,760
I thought you might be
stuck trying to say thank you.

293
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,880
You're welcome.

294
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,080
I'm sure this is
awkward for the boys.

295
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:11,240
Not one bit.
Not one single bit.

296
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,000
I swear I'm more nervous
than anyone.

297
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,560
Honestly, Jules,
I'm a small-claims judge.

298
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,320
It's lucky I'm not dating
someone from Trenton.

299
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,760
Is this a traditional
Korean dish?

300
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,080
Because it has an
exotic odor.

301
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:36,000
Uh, that's
tuna casserole.

302
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,800
Use your finger!

303
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,800
Shut up!

304
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:58,440
My dad hasn't dated anyone
before your mom for six years.

305
00:18:58,480 --> 00:18:59,920
Can, uh...

306
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,920
can we just
not talk about that?

307
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,480
I got this by
a tree stump in the park.

308
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,840
Look at this one.

309
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,640
Fire!

310
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,560
Then on Thursday...

311
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,840
it could have been
any day but it wasn't;

312
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,080
it was Thursday...

313
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,560
for no good reason,
something happened.

314
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,440
And it was like a little wave
breaking over him.

315
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,560
Take aim...

316
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,520
And it said the name

317
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,040
G-l-N-N-Y.

318
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,440
Ginny.

319
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,080
The wave said
the name Ginny.

320
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,440
Over and over.

321
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,240
- Ginny, Ginny, Ginny...
- Fire!

322
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,200
Zero points, Hal Hefner.

323
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:57,760
Ginny.

324
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,640
The etymology of the word
spreading is unclear

325
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,080
but we believe it to be
a blending together

326
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:02,280
of speed and reading,
spreading.

327
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,480
All it is is jamming as many arguments
into your time as you humanly can.

328
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,360
Here we go... the effects
of early sexual relations

329
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,400
include transition of diseases,
out-of-wedlock pregnancies

330
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,200
and a host of potential
illnesses...

331
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,640
a host of potential illnesses
including depression

332
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,600
and low self-esteem.
Consider contention one earlier.

333
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,520
Participation in the program is 53%
more likely to yield positive results.

334
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,600
You know, the other thing
that I wanted to tell you

335
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,920
is that you even look
like this guy I used to debate with...

336
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,480
in a shorter,
goofier kind of way.

337
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,920
And what would you be doing
here looking enough like this guy

338
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:32,280
if it wasn't for me to discover you
and what talents are hidden within?

339
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:33,760
Hi.

340
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,440
Hi.

341
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,480
Resolved that Hal Hefner should
really stop letting the world

342
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,760
tell him what's possible and try
and figure it out for himself.

343
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,320
Maybe that's a
life's philosophy

344
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,480
suited just to some of
us who cherish winning.

345
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,960
So maybe it's not for you,
but I think that it is.

346
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,680
The quality of life among
teens who refrain...

347
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,600
Before this,

348
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,000
there was the nothingness
of Plainsboro, New Jersey.

349
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,720
But now Hal Hefner suddenly
had only one thought.

350
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,200
And it felt like all his life his brain
had been waiting for this thought,

351
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,360
so comfortably now
did it fit in

352
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,480
and take up
all the room there was.

353
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,800
You're on
my street.

354
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,520
You're still on
my street.

355
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:29,160
Do you... do you have
any idea what public property is?

356
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,760
We'll see.

357
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,720
My mom, Fern, says
it's public property,

358
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,680
and if it's okay with your mom
you can come have 7-Up with me,

359
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,080
but the icemaker's
busted, so...

360
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,280
Hi.

361
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,600
You want to sit down
and listen to an old couple

362
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,120
work on their marriage
through some music therapy?

363
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,200
I'm upstairs!

364
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:18,920
Uh, uh...

365
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,600
uh, no thanks.
Not... not... not today.

366
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,320
I have a request in for binoculars
for my 12th birthday, so...

367
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,000
we'll see about that.

368
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,720
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

369
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,440
Who, uh...

370
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:48,840
who is that?

371
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,360
Beats me. Hey, do you know
if she wears a bra?

372
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,240
Wanna see a bra?

373
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,960
Yeah, uh... I should...
I should really...

374
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,720
I should... should...

375
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,840
I should really probably
go home now, Lewis.

376
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,440
Okay.

377
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,160
Uh, Judge Pete?

378
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,480
Judge Pete?
Your Honor?

379
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,040
- Hm?
- Do you...

380
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,960
know any, uh,
do you know any lawyers...

381
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,160
great lawyers who
can't talk very well?

382
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,840
Not... not fluent,
but yet great lawyers

383
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,400
whose clients don't end
up getting the chair?

384
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,800
Uh...

385
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,640
Oh, there's a bailiff with
a prosthetic leg.

386
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,200
What are
you thinking, Laverne?

387
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,000
Hi.

388
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,600
I, uh... I talked
to Ms...

389
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,840
to Mrs...
which is it, anyway?

390
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,000
To... to uh...

391
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,760
to the coach,
and, um,

392
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,560
I'm... I'm... I'm gonna
come inside for debate prep now,

393
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,120
uh, thanks to you.

394
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,000
Someone took something
of mine.

395
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,640
I had a locket. I had
a 24-karat gold deco locket

396
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,080
with two pictures inside.
Is this ringing any bells?

397
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,400
One was of me, the other
was of someone else...

398
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,040
a boy, of sorts.

399
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,560
What's a...
a deco?

400
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,200
My mother believes that one
of her pseudo friends stole it,

401
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,400
because he, or even she,
is secretly a pedophile

402
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,960
and wanted the locket
to stare into or suck on

403
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,200
or utilize for other
specific erotic purposes.

404
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,760
But I told her that
I have this hunch...

405
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,280
I have this
womanly hunch

406
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,200
that it was taken out of my
backpack by someone at P.H.S.

407
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,880
It's like I sensed it leaving
my presence. Just an ounce...

408
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,400
but a burning ounce
as it left my person.

409
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,760
Well, I don't... I don't think
that the pedophile thing could be true.

410
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,360
Not that I, uh, even really
know anything about that.

411
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,280
But, I just don't
believe that anyone

412
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,720
would really think
of you like that.

413
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:32,840
Like what?

414
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,160
I mean, just, uh,
sexually, I mean.

415
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,160
That's the worst thing
anyone's ever said to me.

416
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,520
- Wait, no!
- I can't believe you said that.

417
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:45,800
No no, I didn't...
no...

418
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,480
I never should have
asked you to join the team.

419
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,560
God only knows
what I was thinking.

420
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:51,160
But, I didn't...
no...

421
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:03,960
Earl.

422
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:55,360
Thief.

423
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,800
- Yes?
- l...

424
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,120
here, l...
I stole it.

425
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,760
Shouldn't you be
at school?

426
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,120
- You took the locket, you weaselhead!
- Get out!

427
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:34,800
You left my theft box
a shit-faced mess.

428
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:36,440
Don't ever touch
the stuff I steal!

429
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,240
I mean it!
I steal it, it's mine!

430
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,160
You should put that on
your business card!

431
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,120
I'm gonna tan your hide,
you fake thief!

432
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,600
You God-awful
make-believe thief!

433
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,040
Judge Pete is gonna
lock you up.

434
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,640
Get your own
motherf'ing plan!

435
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,440
If you tell anyone
I stole it,

436
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,320
I'm going to wipe my ass with your
Chapstick,

437
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,720
and I'm gonna reach in your
eye sockets and tear out your pancreas.

438
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,480
I'm hiding my theft box
where you'll never find it.

439
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,520
This is ridiculous!

440
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,000
And stay out!

441
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,120
It's for you, Annabelle.

442
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:29,880
Uh...

443
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,120
uh, he... uh...

444
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,720
Is this the
Hefner mansion?

445
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,400
Um, uh, l...

446
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:40,760
yeah, uh,

447
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,120
can you... can you
hold on for a second?

448
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:46,000
I'm just gonna, um...
uh...

449
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,320
I'm just gonna move.
But stay on.

450
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:51,240
You can hang up now,
Earl.

451
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,160
You can hang up
now, Earl.

452
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,160
Oh, okay.
You're the boss of me.

453
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,680
The boy whose picture
I keep in the locket that you stole,

454
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,160
did you see him?

455
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,320
Uh, yeah, he...

456
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,280
His name's Ben Wekselbaum.
We debated together

457
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,080
until he freaked out at
the final round at States

458
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,040
and left me with a lousy
second-place trophy.

459
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,840
I've never felt
anything like that.

460
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,400
Have you ever felt like you
could burn the world down?

461
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,440
Every day.

462
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,160
Well, he dropped out
of high school

463
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:22,920
and though he never did
have the decency to call,

464
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,000
I heard through the grapevine
that his grandmother got him a job

465
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,680
at the world-renowned Louise
dry-cleaners in Trenton.

466
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:31,040
l... yeah, I don't think
that I've ever heard of it.

467
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,440
Right. Anyway,
ultimately it's a good thing

468
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,640
that the spirit of cowardliness
overtook Ben Wekselbaum,

469
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,520
because it has one: left my
partner arrangement free this year,

470
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,320
and two: allowed me to find
someone that I can mold

471
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,640
into the kind of bare-knuckles
debater that I want to debate with.

472
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:45,600
The best debaters are
the ones with something to prove...

473
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,720
I, trying to rise above
the fiasco of last year's States,

474
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:48,920
and you trying to prove
to the world

475
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,680
that you're not as retarded
as you sometimes sound.

476
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,600
Which is why I want you to
overlook the embarrassment

477
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,240
that comes with having taken my locket
and join up with the team after all.

478
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,000
You're on dishes tonight,
Virginia.

479
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:58,920
I'm on an important
phone call, is what I'm on.

480
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,440
They're all important calls
in the world of Virginia Ryerson.

481
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,560
I have to go. I'll see you
at my house on Saturday.

482
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,800
- You're helping me with research.
- Yeah, oh, uh...

483
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,760
Ginny, are you...
are you still there?

484
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,160
Oh, I am, Katherine, yes,
and it's a good thing I am.

485
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:14,120
Earl!

486
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:15,680
If you think you're gonna
get a long-term girlfriend

487
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,160
without my permission,
you got another think coming.

488
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,120
You'll never sleep
safe again. Not ever.

489
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,760
Don't do it, little shit!
Don't do it!

490
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:41,920
Try not to steal
anything if you can.

491
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,640
Cut it out
and come inside.

492
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,000
Close the door
behind you.

493
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:14,520
Sit down. You're finding me
quotes in the affirmative.

494
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,640
So, uh...

495
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,920
what do... what do you believe in
when it comes to abstinence?

496
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,120
Top debaters never really
believe in anything.

497
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,240
It gets in the way of
arguing from both sides.

498
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,120
But I mean, like,

499
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,920
for you, like
in your own life.

500
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:47,160
Debate is life. You shouldn't
think about it in any other context.

501
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,160
Because in my mind, I don't...
I don't really think it's...

502
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,360
a very good idea.
Abstinence, I mean.

503
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,440
Because, um,
I just...

504
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,480
don't think it's
a very good idea,

505
00:31:57,520 --> 00:31:59,080
not for kids
in New Jersey.

506
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,840
Okay, well, that's enough
tangential bullshit.

507
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,600
Write down these template
arguments against abstinence:

508
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,120
One, supporting it violates the
barrier between church and state;

509
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,040
Two, it's an enforcement
of a dated, sexist agenda;

510
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,280
Three, sexual freedom is
the basis of human freedom;

511
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,720
Four, it separates us from
Western cultures, Europe in particular,

512
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,880
when we should be drawing closer
to our international allies;

513
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,160
Five, psychologists say
that repressed sexual functions

514
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:22,280
can create adult neuroses;

515
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,200
Six, abstinence programs
actually increase

516
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,760
risky sexual behavior
among teens;

517
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:27,880
Seven, it creates barriers
between free- love-generation parents

518
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,560
and their more
conservative children;

519
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:32,320
Eight, and finally, we oppose
abstinence because the world might end

520
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,200
and then basically everyone
we know dies a virgin.

521
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,760
Wow.

522
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:41,280
Yeah, all those when
you think about it.

523
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,120
In preparation for our first official
debate exercise next week

524
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,520
show me that you can argue
in favor of abstinence.

525
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,480
Well, um...

526
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:54,040
I think I may be better arguing
from from the other side of this.

527
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:56,000
How.

528
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:58,440
Um...

529
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,720
the only one that I could...
that I could really...

530
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:04,200
that I could really
come up with was...

531
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:08,360
that, uh, love is...
it's more special

532
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,240
when you...
when you do find it.

533
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:14,080
The special-love case.

534
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,040
Probably that stinks,
but I'll think about it some more

535
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,920
and we'll see.

536
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,200
Dad says he and Mom have done
every one of these at least twice,

537
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,600
and some as many as
100 times.

538
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:47,560
But he says no one's
keeping count,

539
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,040
which seems like
a big waste

540
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:52,200
'cause he could be the
Kama Sutra Barry Bonds or something

541
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,120
and no one would
even know it.

542
00:33:56,760 --> 00:34:01,480
Yeah, I tried this one with my pants on
on Winchester, our old dog.

543
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:04,680
But he wouldn't sit still
and he died a month later.

544
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,520
Mmm, hot
and spicy.

545
00:34:55,240 --> 00:34:58,280
Descartes.
Man, oh man.

546
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:03,000
Hey, would you be interested
in joining my club?

547
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,160
The Junior Philosophers.

548
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,400
Oh, uh,
well, I uh...

549
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,800
l... my plate
is kind of full.

550
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,400
I know what
you're thinking.

551
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,320
We read everything,
but no Hagel,

552
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,600
if that's your concern.

553
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:22,360
No, uh, actually
I'm waiting for a girl.

554
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:24,920
That girl.

555
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,040
You know what you can
do for me right now

556
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,520
is write up
some more flow charts.

557
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,520
Oh, thanks.

558
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,280
Okay.

559
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:55,760
Once I was your age,

560
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:59,080
just as quiet on the inside
as most of you novice debaters are.

561
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:00,960
Quiet as a mouse.

562
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:02,600
Or a stone.

563
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:05,760
Or a bowl of pudding.

564
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:09,280
And then I saw my first debate
and the pudding was no more.

565
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,160
None of you novices
understands me now. You will.

566
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,080
Until then, the thing
to remember

567
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,320
is there are rules
that must be followed.

568
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:17,600
That's debate.

569
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,400
And that's life.

570
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:22,960
Our exercise today is an accelerated
run-through of a complete debate round

571
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:24,480
to teach you
those rules.

572
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,400
Why is the Hal Hefner
bowl of pudding

573
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:27,960
allowed to
demonstrate to us?

574
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,280
Uh, he's first year,
that's true, but Miss Ryerson

575
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,040
has assured me that
he's a quick study

576
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:35,880
and a rare talent, and he will
instruct and enlighten us today.

577
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,000
Our debate begins with
Ginny, the First Affirmative,

578
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:39,960
delivering an eight-minute
opening speech.

579
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:43,560
For our purposes, Ginny will
synopsize that down to 10 seconds.

580
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,920
Good afternoon,
ladies and germs.

581
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:48,440
Our Affirmative case today
in effect states

582
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:49,760
that increased
teenage pregnancies

583
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,880
will eventually bankrupt
Social Security, destroy the economy

584
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,640
and result in
the Third World War.

585
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,880
Therefore, we will quadruple the
federal spending given only to schools

586
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:57,320
that teach abstinence
to their students. Thank you.

587
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,280
That was lucid, thank you.

588
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,120
Now there's a two-minute
cross-examination,

589
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:02,760
Second Negative
to First Affirmative.

590
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,800
Crystal Hamish-Steinberg
is the Second Negative.

591
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,200
Crystal Hamish-Steinberg, would you
give us an exemplary question

592
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:08,720
that you would ask?

593
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,200
Have you ever heard
of Bangladesh?

594
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,120
The perfect tease.

595
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,800
Now the women may sit
while the First Negative rises

596
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,400
to respond to Ginny.
Phillip?

597
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,240
Rather than attack
the Affirmative case,

598
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,080
Crystal Hamish-Steinberg and I propose
the following Negative counterplan:

599
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,000
We grant all the harms
claimed by the Affirmative,

600
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,520
but state that the better way
to combat teenage pregnancy

601
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:29,320
is by pouring money into
a huge rock concert

602
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,400
that we'll call the
"Concert for Sexlessness."

603
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,000
Thank you.

604
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:37,080
Now the First Affirmative
cross-examines the First Negative.

605
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:40,600
Do you have statistics on how many
rock stars practice abstinence?

606
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:44,000
How many rock stars in the historic
Concert for Bangladesh were Bangladeshi?

607
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:45,440
I'll ask the questions
here, Phillip.

608
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:46,840
The combatants
sit.

609
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:50,120
Now Hal Hefner wows us
with his Second Affirmative,

610
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:53,960
another eight-minute speech
boiled down here to 10 seconds.

611
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,200
Uh...

612
00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:02,440
There were three immediate
lines of argumentation

613
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,160
that came to mind.
But the best one went like this:

614
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,320
The plans are not
mutually exclusive.

615
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,480
Increased funding for
school programs

616
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,720
doesn't preclude the
Negative team's badly named

617
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:13,800
"Concert for Sexlessness."

618
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:15,840
The government can
and should do them both.

619
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:18,720
Uh, the...

620
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,720
Hal Hefner visualized
himself in that moment

621
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,680
as the kind of kid
who can state,

622
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:31,280
"The plans are not
mutually exclusive,"

623
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,480
whenever he wants
to say so.

624
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,680
The plans are not
mutually exclusive.

625
00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:37,920
The plans are not...
no, they are...

626
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,240
they are not
mutually exclusive.

627
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,160
I'll be handling Hal Hefner's
cross-ex and rebuttal

628
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,920
until the first actual debate tournament
against other actual schools.

629
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:53,120
Until then, he will be my
silent partner. Hal Hefner, sit down.

630
00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:11,080
Do you know what I sounded
like the first speech I gave

631
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:13,480
when I was your age?

632
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:16,240
Ben told me I sounded like
a Bob Dole impersonator.

633
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,160
I don't...

634
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:19,960
I'm not even really...

635
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,840
I'm not even quite sure
who that even is.

636
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,200
That was your first try,

637
00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:32,560
your first of many.

638
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,000
And I don't even think
anybody really noticed.

639
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,240
It really... it wasn't
that big a...

640
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:42,760
So...

641
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,840
we should get back. Well, I
should get back and finish the round...

642
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:08,960
Resolved that
the federal government

643
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,520
should support the teaching
of abstinence in public schools.

644
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,480
Resolved!

645
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:16,160
The motherf'ing federal government

646
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,080
should support the teaching of
abstinence

647
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:20,640
in motherf'ing,
fucking public schools!

648
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:27,560
Resolved!

649
00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:32,640
Do you...
do you guys, um...

650
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,760
do you know how, um...
how... how

651
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,080
you, or one,

652
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:42,280
would take a relationship
to the next level?

653
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,200
I'm glad you came
to me, because...

654
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:47,760
this is exactly the sort of
problem that Mommy and Daddy

655
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:49,920
would royally screw up.

656
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,160
See, it's all about
having an agenda,

657
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:56,360
which they will
never tell you.

658
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,720
If you have a plan, like "today,
I'm getting a blowjob,"

659
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:01,960
it helps you to
realize it.

660
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,000
It's all
very scientific.

661
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,120
Mm-hm.
Yeah, I'm uh...

662
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,480
I'm... I'm... I'm
just a doubter

663
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,960
that giving me a... a BJ

664
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,840
is high on Ginny's list.

665
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,560
You're her partner,
right?

666
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,160
So you wait until
the moment is right.

667
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:24,880
Like after you crack a good...
a really good joke,

668
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,040
like the one that I crack
about the Queen of England,

669
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,000
and then ask.

670
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,560
It is totally worth the risk.
And you never know.

671
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:33,680
Once you've had a blowjob,
you'd understand.

672
00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:35,040
It's like...

673
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:37,640
it's like walking
through a brick wall.

674
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,880
You know, Ginny said that
I won't be her...

675
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,160
her, um, her real partner
for months.

676
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,480
And that until then,
I'm like...

677
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:50,280
the mascot.

678
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,120
The disfluent mascot.

679
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:57,000
The disfluent mascot who's
not getting a BJ.

680
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:58,760
Like the aardvark.

681
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,520
No, that...
that was a joke, Heston.

682
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:09,000
There is no... there isn't
a debate mascot.

683
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:11,720
I, for some reason, was convinced
it was an aardvark.

684
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,880
No.

685
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:18,480
C'est la vie.

686
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:29,640
Hey, uh,
can l...

687
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,120
I just...

688
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:36,480
What?

689
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:38,440
Oh, uh, I
just wanted...

690
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,400
I wanted to try, uh,
this joke out on you.

691
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:43,440
It's, well, uh... it's,
well, the delivery

692
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,280
is kind of tricky, so...

693
00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:52,080
What happens is that
the Queen of England

694
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,240
goes onto this... this
television show, and...

695
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,840
Listen, I'm almost done
with this chapter.

696
00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:59,280
It's Thomas Aquinas.

697
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,600
But if you continue telling
me that filthy joke,

698
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,480
I'm gonna put this book down
and punch you very hard.

699
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:12,200
You know, some... well,
someday you'll find love

700
00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:15,440
and then... then everything
will be different.

701
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:43,960
Mas... mas...

702
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,880
uh, masturbation is a natural precursor
of adult sexual development

703
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,160
and it should be unfettered
in a child's learning.

704
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:50,920
Johnson, '98.

705
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:52,200
Her plans changed.

706
00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:54,240
Virginia says to keep
on working hard

707
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:57,120
and she'll call you to let you know
when you should come on over.

708
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:59,760
Well, because the Hazlet
tournament is almost here, and...

709
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,600
Just keep on keeping on
and maybe she'll call you.

710
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:13,680
Hi, there.

711
00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:16,360
Do you know... do you know
if Ginny Ryerson is okay?

712
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,160
Because she
canceled our time today

713
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,480
and we have a... we have
a big tournament coming up,

714
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,840
at Hazlet High School, and all
the major Jersey schools will be there.

715
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:27,920
And l... and, uh, she hasn't...
she hasn't really, uh,

716
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,640
told me what her strategy
is gonna be to help me

717
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,560
deal with my...
with my speech.

718
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,120
She got into a Lincoln
with that Indian guy.

719
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,320
- And you're back.
- Is Ginny all right?

720
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,360
Because Lewis Garrles
from across the street

721
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,440
said she got into a
Lincoln with an Indian man.

722
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:54,760
A boy, that's right.

723
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,520
- So, she... but she's fine?
- Fine.

724
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,160
You, could...
will you just tell her

725
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,760
that... that I'm done and over
with the masturbation defense?

726
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,680
Tell her that, will you?
Just assure her

727
00:45:04,720 --> 00:45:06,600
that I'm... that I'm...
that I'm...

728
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:09,480
that I'm done with masturbation
and I'm ready to show her.

729
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:11,400
You take care now.

730
00:45:16,240 --> 00:45:19,400
I told Judge Pete about all
the fun you've been having

731
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,320
with debate,
and guess the news?

732
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:22,880
Heston's a joiner.

733
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,520
Uh, yeah, um...

734
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,680
it's... it's too late,
Heston.

735
00:45:30,720 --> 00:45:32,760
The, um...

736
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,240
the teams have
all been settled.

737
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,760
Coach Lumbly said that after
the first tournament

738
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:40,400
someone always gets creamed
and never comes back.

739
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,520
So, I'll be
filling that slot,

740
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:44,560
whomevers that may be.

741
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,520
To discover opportunity

742
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,840
in misery:

743
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:51,840
There's sense
in that.

744
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:53,920
That's how
I found you, my love.

745
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,760
Hello?
Connie Ryerson speaking.

746
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:10,560
Uh...

747
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,000
Virgil?
Is that you?

748
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:14,560
Uh!

749
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:16,600
Uh...

750
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,480
Uh, uh...

751
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:21,200
uh, this is, uh...
this, uh...

752
00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:24,160
this is, uh...
this is...

753
00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:27,440
Hal Hefner for, um...
for...

754
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,600
call... I'm...
I'm calling for, uh...

755
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,080
G-l-N-N-Y...
Ginny.

756
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,040
Hold the line.

757
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:40,040
Hi, Ginny. It's Hal.

758
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:42,400
Hey, Hef here.
What's up?

759
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,080
Hal?

760
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,080
Uh, yeah...
yeah?

761
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:50,440
She says she'll see you at
the debate tomorrow. Okay?

762
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:51,800
Okay, well,
we...

763
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,880
we... um, I really...
I really...

764
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:56,680
we... I really...
we need to, uh...

765
00:46:56,720 --> 00:46:57,920
practice with her.

766
00:46:57,960 --> 00:46:59,720
She'll see you then.

767
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,640
Hello?

768
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:05,960
Good morning, Judge. Good morning,
our esteemed opponents.

769
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,200
N... let's...

770
00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:10,640
Let's begin with our plan.

771
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,360
That the federal
government should...

772
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:16,800
Shut the mumbling, Susie.

773
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,200
But do not stop working,
because if you fail tomorrow,

774
00:47:19,240 --> 00:47:22,400
the whole Hefner family fails
too, and I am not a failure.

775
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:24,520
So do not do it!

776
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,440
Uh...

777
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:28,840
good morning there,
Judge...

778
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,240
good morning,
our esteemed opponents.

779
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:54,880
When you work
so hard at something,

780
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,480
so hard,
all that extra time...

781
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:00,760
Wallace, you always tell me balance out,
balance out, balance out...

782
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:03,400
What are you
talking about?

783
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:05,960
Ginny Ryerson has transferred
to Townsend Prep

784
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:07,560
for the rest
of her senior year.

785
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:13,000
We have an even number so, Hal,
you'll muddle through today with Heston

786
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:15,800
and we'll reconstitute
the teams tomorrow.

787
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:18,680
Let's go, Wallace.

788
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:45,040
Would you like to tell me
what our Affirmative case is?

789
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,560
Or would you rather
it be a surprise?

790
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:49,040
Uh...

791
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:52,200
good... good...
good morning there, Judge.

792
00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:54,960
Good, uh... good...
good...

793
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,440
good morning to you,
uh...

794
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:00,280
both, you, our
esteemed opponents.

795
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,320
Good morning, uh...

796
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:13,920
The...

797
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:16,200
ab... ab...

798
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:21,480
That, uh...

799
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,440
resolved that... that...

800
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:26,160
that... that... that...
that, uh...

801
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:29,000
that it, uh...

802
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,880
How much time, timer?

803
00:50:38,720 --> 00:50:40,000
Yeah, hello?

804
00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:43,680
Mr... Mr... uh...
um, Mr...

805
00:50:43,720 --> 00:50:46,240
Hal?
What's the matter?

806
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:48,400
It's... it's, uh...
it's, uh,

807
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:51,080
well, it's funny
that you ask, actually.

808
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:54,920
Um, I've... I'm just...
I'm just here at, um...

809
00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:57,880
I'm at... I'm at...
I'm at Hazlet...

810
00:50:57,920 --> 00:50:59,880
Hazlet High School,
at the debate.

811
00:50:59,920 --> 00:51:03,320
And spent the last...
I've...

812
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:05,920
I spent the last seven minutes
of my round-one speech

813
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:08,040
trying... trying to
say the resolution.

814
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:10,080
- Oh, man.
- Yeah.

815
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:14,480
Well, there's that video I gave
you, "Singing Instead of Talking."

816
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:18,920
Yeah, did, uh... did rat poison
and a straw come with that video?

817
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,760
Well, my ex-girlfriend,
the PhD at Annenberg,

818
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:25,440
she used to say her brother never
stuttered if he spoke in an accent.

819
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:28,000
You could try the accent
you know best,

820
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:30,360
and maybe that
would help.

821
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,120
Well, anyway, I
wouldn't count on it.

822
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:34,760
Mina's advice was about
as far-fetched as she was.

823
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,360
You know, open
relationships just...

824
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:38,920
don't work, Hal.

825
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,080
What?

826
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:42,560
Uh, I'm advising...

827
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:46,040
that you should
try to do an accent.

828
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,000
- Okay?
- If I do that

829
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:50,600
you won't see...
you won't see me on Monday.

830
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,800
'Cause I'll already be...
I'll be on a...

831
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:56,200
I'll probably be
on a plane to...

832
00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:58,920
Can you hold on
for a sec?

833
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:10,360
Okay, I should...

834
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:12,640
I should, mayb...
maybe I should...

835
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:14,000
I should probably go.

836
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:36,920
Good afternoon,

837
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:39,400
esteemed opponents
from Glen Rock.

838
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:44,200
Good afternoon.
Let's get our... let...

839
00:52:44,240 --> 00:52:46,600
let's, uh...
let... let...

840
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:50,080
let's get, uh, down and...
down and... down and dirty,

841
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:52,360
shall we, with this...
this thing...

842
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:55,880
this thing... this thing...
this thing I'll call our plan.

843
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:04,040
Excuse me, I'm...

844
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:05,640
I'm... I'm...

845
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:08,640
I'm...
I'm really sorry.

846
00:53:11,240 --> 00:53:12,880
Slice of pizza or
Sloppy Joes,

847
00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:14,280
and I don't want
to debate about it.

848
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:15,720
I'll take the pizza.

849
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:22,600
Townsend Prep's just a really,
really good school.

850
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,280
Slice of pizza
or Sloppy Joes

851
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:28,040
and I don't want to
debate you on it.

852
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:29,440
Pizza, two slices.

853
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:34,400
Slice of pizza, Sloppy Joes,
and I don't want to debate about it.

854
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:36,200
Um...

855
00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:38,440
I'll...
I'll have the...

856
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:41,160
not the... the, um...

857
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:42,480
- the, um...
- We're out of pizza.

858
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,680
Sloppy Joes are
all that's left.

859
00:53:44,720 --> 00:53:48,040
But they're not that terrible if you've
never had really good ones before.

860
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:50,920
Thank you, ma'am.

861
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,240
She's not here.

862
00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:11,120
Ginny and I don't
eat at tournaments...

863
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:13,040
draws blood
from the brain.

864
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:24,360
...will cause
special love in adulthood.

865
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:03,120
I just...
I don't...

866
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:06,200
I don't really know
what to do here.

867
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:10,280
Well, um,
this is the girls' room.

868
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:11,720
So...

869
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:13,760
Okay.

870
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:22,200
I want to read, also,
what one judge wrote

871
00:55:22,240 --> 00:55:24,840
about Virginia.
She wrote:

872
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,840
"Virginia may be
the next Barbara Jordan."

873
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:30,760
How about that?

874
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:34,440
First place,
Individual Speaker...

875
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:36,680
Virginia Ryerson.

876
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:49,000
Where's the trophy?

877
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,960
Thank you.

878
00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:07,680
Hal Hefner,
stay a moment, would you?

879
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,200
I'm gonna regroup.

880
00:56:19,240 --> 00:56:21,560
Um, let's be
adults here

881
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,000
and think about who
could use...

882
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:27,000
a little time
on the sidelines.

883
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:29,440
Ginny recruited me.

884
00:56:31,720 --> 00:56:34,920
Okay?
She intuited...

885
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:38,160
intuited that l...
that l...

886
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:41,480
that my... that my brain
was made for this.

887
00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:44,320
I mean, you can't even... you can't
even ask me a question

888
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:47,720
without my brain
filling up with retorts.

889
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:50,160
It's... it's full
of retorts.

890
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:52,360
Do you know
Mento Buin,

891
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:54,960
who doesn't speak more
than six words of English?

892
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,440
Or Evie Spedarsky,

893
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:00,760
who has such pronounced
Irritable Bowel Syndrome

894
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:02,960
that she's being studied
by a team at Princeton?

895
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,320
No.

896
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:05,920
What about
Elvis Hunsinger,

897
00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:08,040
the boy who pees
himself in gym class?

898
00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:10,280
Well, everybody knows...

899
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:11,880
Elvis.

900
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:14,160
She tried to
recruit them all.

901
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:18,360
Never crossed my mind
that this could be some scheme of hers,

902
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:20,640
but, when you
think about it

903
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,280
looks pretty pat.

904
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,080
Your mom's running late
but wants us to...

905
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:51,920
Hey, now.

906
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:55,520
Wait a minute.
Let me see.

907
00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:58,800
Oh, Jesus!

908
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:00,960
Man, oh man!

909
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:03,760
The most Heston ever hauled in
was an honorable mention

910
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:05,680
in the Hip-hop
Danceathon.

911
00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:08,240
But this is too much
coming from you!

912
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:10,520
On behalf of your dad...

913
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:20,680
This goes on the dining room table
for your mom to see when she gets home.

914
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:23,680
Whoo!

915
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,080
My dad told me I was
the world's utmost idiot

916
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:03,680
for not realizing
you won something today.

917
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:06,720
Please accept my
belated congratulations.

918
00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:21,840
- Hello?
- Hello, Sylvia.

919
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:25,600
Fern didn't say anything
about Lewis's friends stopping by!

920
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:27,840
I get paid
per kid!

921
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:02,320
She can't be
going to bed.

922
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:30,240
Resolved!

923
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:56,160
Sylvia, no tip
for you tonight.

924
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:03,080
Fuck!

925
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:24,480
There's a cello
in your house now.

926
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:13,960
I hate you!

927
01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:16,360
Mommy and
Judge Pete hate you!

928
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:18,280
Daddy hates you!

929
01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:21,800
Melody, Daddy's new
girlfriend, hates you.

930
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:24,200
That bottle was reposado,
you doofus dunce!

931
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:27,720
Uncle Chaz spent
big bucks on that.

932
01:02:27,720 --> 01:02:29,680
Uncle Chaz hates you!

933
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:39,280
That's all I wanted
to say.

934
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:42,640
There's pineapple cake
in the fridge.

935
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:47,200
If you're late I'll eat the whole cake,
so don't be late.

936
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:12,880
Maybe you should put the whole
debate thing behind you,

937
01:03:12,920 --> 01:03:16,080
all a...
a lark of adolescence.

938
01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:17,920
We all have 'em.

939
01:03:17,960 --> 01:03:21,640
Mine was cheerleading.

940
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:25,520
I was the one boy
on the cheerleading squad.

941
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:27,760
Imagine that, huh?

942
01:03:27,800 --> 01:03:30,320
Give me a "H," uh-uh-uh.
Give me a "A,"

943
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:33,000
uh-uh-uh.
Give me a "L," uh-uh-uh.

944
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:35,840
What does that spell?
Hal.

945
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:39,360
That... that image is...

946
01:03:39,400 --> 01:03:41,240
is not really helping.

947
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:44,720
Just... just because
debate was a wipeout,

948
01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:47,600
I mean, you know,
a colossal wipeout,

949
01:03:47,640 --> 01:03:50,000
doesn't mean
that you're a failure.

950
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:53,200
It's the activity
that failed you.

951
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:56,480
Hey, there's nothing to say you
couldn't try for the Spanish Club.

952
01:03:56,520 --> 01:03:59,360
You could be Spanish Club
Vice President in no time.

953
01:03:59,400 --> 01:04:02,120
Kyle Felowitz
is El Vice Presidente.

954
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:04,360
Yeah.

955
01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:06,400
My point, Hal,
is that

956
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,640
you have to get out
of your own way here, man,

957
01:04:08,680 --> 01:04:11,560
go back to living the way
you were before you tried to exceed

958
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:14,560
your... your limitations.

959
01:04:21,320 --> 01:04:23,680
Hal Hefner floated
above his life,

960
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:27,080
saw the world around him
as if he were just a ghost

961
01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:28,600
floating through.

962
01:04:28,640 --> 01:04:30,560
Nothing could
harm him now.

963
01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:33,600
Nothing could move him
or make him love again.

964
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:36,040
He was that kind
of ghost.

965
01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:38,920
The kind that
couldn't love again.

966
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:45,080
...observation 1-A.

967
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:47,520
Diversion is the norm.

968
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:52,040
Quoting from the "Journal
of Adult Sexuality" '74:

969
01:04:52,040 --> 01:04:54,720
the root cause of sexual
dysfunction are many...

970
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:57,600
As a boy ghost,

971
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:00,360
Hal Hefner surveyed
the world as he knew it.

972
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:03,840
And in everything he saw
was evidence that life goes on

973
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:06,240
with or without love.

974
01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:09,440
He had stopped
thinking about the girl,

975
01:05:09,480 --> 01:05:12,120
had stopped
dreaming about her,

976
01:05:12,160 --> 01:05:14,560
or, even if that wasn't
entirely true,

977
01:05:14,600 --> 01:05:17,880
had stopped dreaming
a certain kind of dream about her.

978
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:21,640
Well, maybe
most of the time.

979
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:26,000
Then spring came...

980
01:05:26,040 --> 01:05:28,240
11 months after
his father left;

981
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:31,240
six months since
he last saw Ginny;

982
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:33,560
and six since
they'd kissed.

983
01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:56,560
Over and over again!

984
01:05:56,600 --> 01:05:58,640
- Just stop!
- I just want us to be buddies.

985
01:05:58,680 --> 01:06:01,600
Be buddies with yourself!

986
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:04,880
Boys...

987
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:07,080
your mom and I are over.
That's according to her.

988
01:06:07,080 --> 01:06:10,480
She said that it was all her,
that it's always all her

989
01:06:10,520 --> 01:06:13,320
- and could we be buddies?
- This is a very complicated

990
01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:15,440
adult relationship.

991
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:17,200
This is why
your dad left.

992
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:19,600
You're just so
messed up!

993
01:06:38,280 --> 01:06:39,760
Shit!

994
01:06:41,000 --> 01:06:43,360
Good God!

995
01:07:04,840 --> 01:07:07,560
Mommy! Mommy!
Hal's freaking out in the garage!

996
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:09,520
This is gonna turn out
bad, I can feel it.

997
01:07:09,560 --> 01:07:12,400
Virginia Ryerson, please
come to the main office.

998
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:15,840
Virginia Ryerson, you have
a visitor in the main office.

999
01:07:21,880 --> 01:07:23,600
Are you her
little brother?

1000
01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:26,000
You look like you could
be her little brother.

1001
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:30,000
I'm... I'm her ex-lover.

1002
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:32,840
Take a seat. She'll be with you
in a minute.

1003
01:07:41,680 --> 01:07:43,840
So how far did you
get with her?

1004
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:50,760
Does... does it count
as second base

1005
01:07:50,760 --> 01:07:52,680
when it's groping
through the shirt?

1006
01:07:53,880 --> 01:07:56,400
Maybe in public school.

1007
01:07:56,440 --> 01:07:59,440
What are you doing here?

1008
01:07:59,480 --> 01:08:02,000
Oh, uh, uh...

1009
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:03,680
l...

1010
01:08:03,720 --> 01:08:07,160
I have, uh... it's
spring break at Plainsboro.

1011
01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:09,760
I have...
I have the... the day off.

1012
01:08:10,960 --> 01:08:12,880
Okay.

1013
01:08:14,920 --> 01:08:17,160
I'm going back to
A.P. Latin now.

1014
01:08:17,200 --> 01:08:19,920
Wait... I'm... I'm
returning this to you.

1015
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:24,120
It belongs
to you and...

1016
01:08:24,160 --> 01:08:26,840
and it's important
to me that you have it.

1017
01:08:28,400 --> 01:08:30,720
It's your Hazlet trophy.

1018
01:08:34,120 --> 01:08:37,320
I had a bad night,
but I'm better now.

1019
01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:39,360
I don't want the trophy.

1020
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:41,720
I'm... I'm gonna go back to class.
You need to leave.

1021
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:43,680
Wait... every...
every... every...

1022
01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:45,480
everybody has
their own path!

1023
01:08:45,480 --> 01:08:48,640
And, uh...

1024
01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:54,320
Security, please report
to the main office.

1025
01:08:54,360 --> 01:08:56,040
Need you to deal with a...

1026
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:58,800
stuttering boy
in the main office.

1027
01:08:58,840 --> 01:09:01,440
It was like he was
pretending,

1028
01:09:01,480 --> 01:09:04,120
pretending that it could
all be what it was.

1029
01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:05,720
But it can't.

1030
01:09:05,760 --> 01:09:08,280
You can only pretend for so
long before the forces that be

1031
01:09:08,320 --> 01:09:10,240
take that away from you.

1032
01:09:14,000 --> 01:09:16,040
Just like that,
it took off

1033
01:09:16,080 --> 01:09:17,840
and he found
himself sprinting.

1034
01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:20,200
It was ridiculous,
but he did... he sprinted.

1035
01:09:26,280 --> 01:09:30,400
You don't let love collapse all around
you and not put up a fight.

1036
01:09:30,440 --> 01:09:32,120
You punch back,

1037
01:09:32,160 --> 01:09:35,800
unless you can find someone
else to throw the punch for you.

1038
01:09:35,840 --> 01:09:38,160
Then, by all means,
do that.

1039
01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:43,080
Yeah?

1040
01:09:44,960 --> 01:09:48,080
Uh, I'm... I'm here from
Plainsboro High,

1041
01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:51,880
and I've... I've, uh...
I've come here to find you.

1042
01:09:52,840 --> 01:09:54,400
Wait in the front
if you care to.

1043
01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:56,280
My shift ends
on the hour.

1044
01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:57,560
Oh, I care to.

1045
01:09:57,600 --> 01:09:59,880
Yeah, well, that's fine.
Wait in front.

1046
01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:11,160
That's God
doing your dry-cleaning.

1047
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:16,280
God does dry-cleaning.

1048
01:10:16,320 --> 01:10:19,400
He wears a smock.

1049
01:10:28,800 --> 01:10:32,160
Man, it's a blessing to
be squarely and dearly

1050
01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:35,480
out of the
goddamn suburbs.

1051
01:10:35,520 --> 01:10:38,200
Suck the marrow right
from you, the suburbs will.

1052
01:10:38,240 --> 01:10:39,920
And it takes years

1053
01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:43,240
in the big city to inject
the life back into you...

1054
01:10:43,280 --> 01:10:44,920
literal years.

1055
01:10:44,960 --> 01:10:47,960
You... you mean,
the big city is...

1056
01:10:49,200 --> 01:10:50,760
is... is Trenton?

1057
01:10:50,800 --> 01:10:53,480
That's right...
Trenton.

1058
01:10:53,480 --> 01:10:55,400
Oh.

1059
01:10:55,400 --> 01:10:57,400
Did Ginny send you?

1060
01:10:57,440 --> 01:11:00,320
Oh no, she doesn't... she doesn't...
she doesn't know anything.

1061
01:11:00,360 --> 01:11:02,720
- Lumbly?
- No, no. No.

1062
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:05,800
Because if this is part of a grand
design to get me back to school...

1063
01:11:07,520 --> 01:11:09,440
You smell that
bus exhaust?

1064
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:12,440
That'll be what you
leave behind

1065
01:11:12,480 --> 01:11:15,200
on your way back to
Plainsboro without me.

1066
01:11:16,440 --> 01:11:18,600
Wait. The thing is,
is that, uh...

1067
01:11:18,640 --> 01:11:21,920
what I want... what I want...
what I need is your help.

1068
01:11:21,960 --> 01:11:23,560
You don't even know me.

1069
01:11:24,560 --> 01:11:27,480
You... you do realize
you're like...

1070
01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:30,040
you're like a legend
at PHS, right?

1071
01:11:30,080 --> 01:11:32,280
Right, I'm the next
Shelley Hasty.

1072
01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:34,480
Who is...
who's she?

1073
01:11:34,520 --> 01:11:37,480
He. He supposedly drove
a Chevy Nova

1074
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:39,960
into the cafeteria
in 1986.

1075
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:43,360
There's a plaque somewhere next to
a water fountain in his honor.

1076
01:11:44,360 --> 01:11:45,640
Well...

1077
01:11:45,640 --> 01:11:48,520
I'm... I'm gonna be
the next legend at PHS.

1078
01:11:50,280 --> 01:11:53,080
And that's... that's not gonna
happen for me any other way

1079
01:11:53,120 --> 01:11:56,680
than to win...
uh, to win at States.

1080
01:11:59,360 --> 01:12:01,160
You're gonna
win at States?

1081
01:12:01,200 --> 01:12:03,080
Yes.

1082
01:12:03,080 --> 01:12:04,960
Well... well... well,
uh...

1083
01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:07,040
we are, yes.

1084
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:10,720
It's so pointless.

1085
01:12:10,760 --> 01:12:14,480
That's the realization
I came to at States last year:

1086
01:12:14,520 --> 01:12:17,200
Life is nothing
but repetition,

1087
01:12:17,240 --> 01:12:18,840
the same thing
over and over.

1088
01:12:18,880 --> 01:12:20,400
Somebody might
give you a trophy

1089
01:12:20,440 --> 01:12:22,240
and that's supposed to
mean you're making progress,

1090
01:12:22,280 --> 01:12:24,640
but there's no such thing.
The fights you fight today

1091
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:26,840
are the fights you
fight till you die.

1092
01:12:26,880 --> 01:12:29,160
Yeah, well be...
be that as it may...

1093
01:12:29,200 --> 01:12:30,600
Sure.

1094
01:12:30,640 --> 01:12:32,480
Be that as it may.

1095
01:12:32,520 --> 01:12:35,840
Wait, it's not some
college-application bullshit

1096
01:12:35,880 --> 01:12:38,720
that is... that's like the driving force
here, or any bullshit.

1097
01:12:38,760 --> 01:12:40,640
I'm sure.

1098
01:12:55,160 --> 01:12:57,720
No, uh, do you want
to know what it is?

1099
01:12:57,760 --> 01:13:01,080
Yeah. What
it is, is...

1100
01:13:01,120 --> 01:13:03,800
what it...
what it is, is...

1101
01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:05,960
uh, it's, uh...

1102
01:13:07,040 --> 01:13:08,960
is, uh, is...

1103
01:13:09,000 --> 01:13:12,000
no, what... what it
is, is...

1104
01:13:12,040 --> 01:13:14,240
it's...
well, it's love.

1105
01:13:14,280 --> 01:13:16,640
Well, if it's
not that, then...

1106
01:13:16,680 --> 01:13:19,360
then it's the need
for... for revenge

1107
01:13:19,400 --> 01:13:21,720
when... when love
goes bad.

1108
01:13:21,760 --> 01:13:23,880
It's one of those two,
love or revenge.

1109
01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:25,440
I'm not really sure
which one.

1110
01:13:25,480 --> 01:13:27,080
But it's one of
those two things

1111
01:13:27,120 --> 01:13:28,920
that made me throw a cello through
somebody's window.

1112
01:13:28,960 --> 01:13:29,920
So you figure it out.

1113
01:13:29,960 --> 01:13:31,600
An actual cello?

1114
01:13:32,960 --> 01:13:36,400
I mean, like, yeah, like
symphony-size, as far as I know.

1115
01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:40,720
You know, that's pretty
sharp in my book,

1116
01:13:40,760 --> 01:13:42,840
as far as reasons go.

1117
01:13:42,880 --> 01:13:45,520
Yeah, it took
a bunch of throws,

1118
01:13:45,560 --> 01:13:49,200
but you know,
I'm good for a bunch.

1119
01:13:49,240 --> 01:13:50,640
Have I got this right?

1120
01:13:50,680 --> 01:13:52,840
Your contention is that
we should debate as a team?

1121
01:13:52,880 --> 01:13:55,760
You, an inexperienced kid
with a bad and unpredictable stutter,

1122
01:13:55,800 --> 01:13:57,240
me, not having debated
at all this year

1123
01:13:57,280 --> 01:13:58,920
and having no knowledge
of the resolution.

1124
01:13:58,920 --> 01:14:01,160
In support of this,
you basically offer up

1125
01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:03,640
that you threw a cello
through someone's window.

1126
01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:05,680
It's charming,
no question.

1127
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:07,360
But is it persuasive?

1128
01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:09,800
Why not make the case

1129
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:11,920
that, A: allowing me to return
to States and win this year

1130
01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:13,760
will tie up that loose end
so that I can forge ahead

1131
01:14:13,800 --> 01:14:15,200
free from any of
life's regrets;

1132
01:14:15,240 --> 01:14:16,840
B: That charitable
enterprises such as this

1133
01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:18,400
would be the lifeblood
of advanced civilizations

1134
01:14:18,440 --> 01:14:21,000
even, perhaps especially in places
like Trenton, New Jersey;

1135
01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:23,040
And C: that while this life
here is infinitely preferable

1136
01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:24,720
to the wretchedness
of the suburbs,

1137
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:27,240
it's also not quite what
I must have had in mind

1138
01:14:27,280 --> 01:14:31,080
and maybe I miss some of
the mundane thrills of policy debate.

1139
01:14:31,080 --> 01:14:34,280
Yeah, I mean,
all of that.

1140
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:42,080
This goes against
my better judgment.

1141
01:14:42,120 --> 01:14:44,880
It does. But what
we'll need is one Affirmative case

1142
01:14:44,920 --> 01:14:46,960
and one all-purpose
Negative counterplan.

1143
01:14:47,000 --> 01:14:48,680
We can't do a year's worth
of work in one month,

1144
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:50,440
so we'll concentrate on
those two lines of attack.

1145
01:14:50,480 --> 01:14:52,480
You'll have to arrange
with your parents...

1146
01:14:52,520 --> 01:14:54,400
do you have parents?

1147
01:14:54,440 --> 01:14:56,200
Oh, yeah,
I have a...

1148
01:14:56,240 --> 01:14:58,960
a mom that I see
most days and...

1149
01:14:59,000 --> 01:15:00,840
and I see my dad
some weekends.

1150
01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:02,880
You'll have to come to some
arrangement with them

1151
01:15:02,920 --> 01:15:03,880
or else let go of trying to

1152
01:15:03,920 --> 01:15:05,800
so that you can spend
evenings and weekends here.

1153
01:15:05,800 --> 01:15:07,560
We'll register as
a home-schooled team.

1154
01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:10,160
My grandmother will sign
whatever official paperwork is required.

1155
01:15:10,200 --> 01:15:12,200
But all such considerations
wait on our priority,

1156
01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:13,960
and that's finding
you your voice.

1157
01:15:23,920 --> 01:15:26,720
Suddenly, Trenton was
a different city;

1158
01:15:26,760 --> 01:15:28,800
no longer a dead end
but a starting place.

1159
01:15:30,240 --> 01:15:31,720
Trenton:

1160
01:15:31,760 --> 01:15:33,680
the very city
of triumph.

1161
01:15:37,560 --> 01:15:41,360
Fire when ready!

1162
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:43,720
This isn't... this isn't

1163
01:15:43,760 --> 01:15:45,560
very good for
one's spirit.

1164
01:15:45,600 --> 01:15:47,360
I can't hear you!

1165
01:15:47,400 --> 01:15:50,240
It's... it's
spirit-crushing, I said.

1166
01:15:51,240 --> 01:15:53,000
Fine.

1167
01:15:54,200 --> 01:15:56,160
What should I say?

1168
01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:58,920
Give me your standard
Affirmative opening.

1169
01:15:58,920 --> 01:16:00,960
Yeah.

1170
01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:04,280
You know, I haven't really said it
enough for it to really be...

1171
01:16:04,320 --> 01:16:05,960
for it to be standard.

1172
01:16:06,000 --> 01:16:08,880
Throw me the cello!

1173
01:16:08,920 --> 01:16:10,920
Uh...

1174
01:16:15,160 --> 01:16:16,960
Let's get down and dirty.
Let's get down...

1175
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,320
Let's... let's get...

1176
01:16:20,360 --> 01:16:21,760
let's get, uh...

1177
01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:23,880
let's get...
let us... let us...

1178
01:16:23,920 --> 01:16:27,280
uh, okay, let's just...
let... let us...

1179
01:16:30,520 --> 01:16:32,160
It's a riddle.

1180
01:16:32,200 --> 01:16:33,600
Yeah, yeah.

1181
01:16:33,640 --> 01:16:35,520
What it is is one of
those rare instances

1182
01:16:35,560 --> 01:16:39,040
where one of us having an advanced
college-degree might actually help.

1183
01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:42,720
I won't whisper.

1184
01:16:42,760 --> 01:16:45,000
It's a trick,
but it's... it's, uh...

1185
01:16:45,040 --> 01:16:48,000
it's crap.
It's a crap trick.

1186
01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:50,880
And I won't...
I won't do an accent,

1187
01:16:50,920 --> 01:16:52,880
however good...
however... however...

1188
01:16:52,920 --> 01:16:54,600
however good I
may be at them.

1189
01:16:54,640 --> 01:16:57,560
So that just leaves...
that's... that's just...

1190
01:16:57,600 --> 01:16:59,320
that's just singing.

1191
01:16:59,360 --> 01:17:01,240
Singing my speeches.

1192
01:17:01,280 --> 01:17:03,400
And then...
and after that,

1193
01:17:03,440 --> 01:17:05,880
arran... arranging to
have my...

1194
01:17:05,920 --> 01:17:08,200
have my... my...

1195
01:17:08,200 --> 01:17:10,960
have my ashes scattered

1196
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:12,840
over the Plainsboro
Municipal Pond.

1197
01:17:18,840 --> 01:17:21,080
You know, I've...

1198
01:17:21,120 --> 01:17:23,560
I've thought about
the whole... the singing,

1199
01:17:23,600 --> 01:17:25,160
and, uh...

1200
01:17:25,200 --> 01:17:27,080
I don't think
I can do it,

1201
01:17:27,120 --> 01:17:28,680
the song thing.

1202
01:17:28,720 --> 01:17:30,800
This is "The Battle Hymn
of the Republic."

1203
01:17:30,840 --> 01:17:32,680
We might prefer something
more modern, I realize,

1204
01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:34,920
but this is the only piece
I can play all the way through.

1205
01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:36,840
What you're gonna do

1206
01:17:36,840 --> 01:17:39,280
is just learn the song well
enough to keep it in your head,

1207
01:17:39,320 --> 01:17:40,800
to let it flow through you

1208
01:17:40,840 --> 01:17:42,600
as you speak-sing
your speeches.

1209
01:17:42,600 --> 01:17:44,040
And we'll write
to fit the rhyme.

1210
01:18:14,600 --> 01:18:17,120
We think our case
will state

1211
01:18:17,160 --> 01:18:19,520
that sex is bound
to be explored...

1212
01:18:19,560 --> 01:18:22,320
- Abs... abstinence is the catalyst...
- Breathe.

1213
01:18:22,360 --> 01:18:25,080
- Breathe first.
- Abstinence is the catalyst...

1214
01:18:27,760 --> 01:18:30,440
...to... to support
such a... such a...

1215
01:18:30,480 --> 01:18:32,320
- a far-ranging... platform.
- I got it.

1216
01:18:38,080 --> 01:18:40,200
Go away!

1217
01:18:47,680 --> 01:18:49,280
That's Dad's.

1218
01:18:49,320 --> 01:18:51,600
I thought you could use
a bigger suitcase...

1219
01:18:51,640 --> 01:18:53,160
one with an actual handle.

1220
01:18:53,200 --> 01:18:55,560
I swear, Penelope,
I don't know what you would do

1221
01:18:55,600 --> 01:18:57,840
without someone in this family
who can steal and then organize.

1222
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:01,000
Could I have
a request, Earl?

1223
01:19:01,040 --> 01:19:03,120
lf... if I win today,

1224
01:19:03,160 --> 01:19:05,440
could we say...
could we say that

1225
01:19:05,480 --> 01:19:07,840
you... you'll stop calling me
with girls' names?

1226
01:19:07,880 --> 01:19:10,080
Could we say that, if I win?

1227
01:19:11,880 --> 01:19:13,800
Let's not push it,
shall we?

1228
01:19:13,800 --> 01:19:16,040
Besides, Penelope's
my favorite girl's name.

1229
01:19:17,080 --> 01:19:19,600
All right, well,
could we... could we

1230
01:19:19,640 --> 01:19:23,280
maybe just leave it
with Penelope then?

1231
01:19:24,480 --> 01:19:26,440
Yeah, we can do that.

1232
01:19:38,400 --> 01:19:40,200
Thank you and welcome

1233
01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:43,040
to the 43rd Annual New Jersey
State Debate Championships.

1234
01:19:43,080 --> 01:19:45,640
There are 22 schools
represented here

1235
01:19:45,680 --> 01:19:47,640
from every region
in the state.

1236
01:19:51,080 --> 01:19:52,880
Every preliminary round
through the semifinals

1237
01:19:52,920 --> 01:19:54,600
will take place
in the classrooms

1238
01:19:54,640 --> 01:19:56,720
in the adjacent
academic buildings.

1239
01:19:56,760 --> 01:19:59,000
You'll only return to this auditorium
at the end of the day

1240
01:19:59,040 --> 01:20:00,680
for the final round

1241
01:20:00,680 --> 01:20:02,440
and the presentation
of the trophy.

1242
01:20:02,440 --> 01:20:04,160
Now, before we begin,

1243
01:20:04,200 --> 01:20:06,760
I want you to give yourselves
a big round of applause.

1244
01:20:14,120 --> 01:20:16,880
That's right.

1245
01:20:16,920 --> 01:20:19,560
Now, pairings for the first
three rounds are randomized.

1246
01:20:19,600 --> 01:20:22,440
Then they're weighted
by win-lose record.

1247
01:20:22,440 --> 01:20:25,280
Would you sign this?

1248
01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:27,040
It's my favorite
brief of the year.

1249
01:20:27,080 --> 01:20:30,640
It says that abstinence
leads to a global crisis

1250
01:20:30,680 --> 01:20:32,600
in mental health.

1251
01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:38,920
Aren't you that Chinese boy?

1252
01:20:43,560 --> 01:20:45,960
I'm K-Korean, yes.

1253
01:20:45,960 --> 01:20:50,240
And just... just so... just so
that you're... that you're aware,

1254
01:20:50,280 --> 01:20:53,160
it's really ignorant to lump us
all into one category like that.

1255
01:20:58,920 --> 01:21:01,160
You all can't win,

1256
01:21:01,200 --> 01:21:04,880
but you are all winners.
Good luck to you.

1257
01:22:07,640 --> 01:22:10,320
You think our case
will state that sex

1258
01:22:10,360 --> 01:22:12,280
is bound to be explored,

1259
01:22:12,320 --> 01:22:14,200
that adding funds
for abstinence

1260
01:22:14,240 --> 01:22:17,200
is what I will
have roared.

1261
01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:20,440
But such a case has been
heard so much that we are bored.

1262
01:22:20,480 --> 01:22:22,880
Our plan is, thus,
not that.

1263
01:22:28,200 --> 01:22:30,560
Our... our...
uh... uh...

1264
01:22:30,600 --> 01:22:32,360
our... our...

1265
01:22:32,400 --> 01:22:35,240
our government can best
support teaching abstinence

1266
01:22:35,240 --> 01:22:38,720
by refraining from
the common and ugly arrogance.

1267
01:22:38,760 --> 01:22:41,280
Instead of telling us
we should never do the dance

1268
01:22:41,320 --> 01:22:44,200
they should adopt this plan:

1269
01:22:44,240 --> 01:22:47,400
Amend the Constitution
so that no one over 20

1270
01:22:47,440 --> 01:22:50,120
can serve in government,
there'll be only kids a-plenty.

1271
01:22:50,160 --> 01:22:52,560
We'll... we'll...
write the laws and fix sex ed,

1272
01:22:52,600 --> 01:22:54,080
and it won't cost a penny.

1273
01:22:54,120 --> 01:22:56,840
That's our basic plan.

1274
01:22:56,880 --> 01:22:58,240
What we'll...
what we'll...

1275
01:22:58,280 --> 01:23:00,120
what we'll do is create
a new federal government

1276
01:23:00,160 --> 01:23:03,720
where teenagers are only... are... are
the only... the only voices of authority.

1277
01:23:03,760 --> 01:23:05,520
By doing so... we'll help...
we'll help create

1278
01:23:05,560 --> 01:23:07,480
a... a wider consensus
among teens.

1279
01:23:07,520 --> 01:23:09,920
It's a more... it's a more dem...
it's more... it's more...

1280
01:23:09,960 --> 01:23:12,520
it's a more democratic system
and democracy is

1281
01:23:12,560 --> 01:23:14,920
the very basis for love

1282
01:23:14,960 --> 01:23:17,160
as we'll argue below
in the rest of my song-speech.

1283
01:23:18,640 --> 01:23:20,960
Now, please...
please turn to...

1284
01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:23,640
contingent...
contingent one of our plan.

1285
01:23:23,680 --> 01:23:25,960
Now... now... now, this one's
a little harder to get the whole...

1286
01:23:25,960 --> 01:23:28,200
the whole... the kinda...
the... the rhyme scheme for it,

1287
01:23:28,200 --> 01:23:29,840
because... uh, because
of all the quotes that say...

1288
01:23:29,880 --> 01:23:31,680
that have "sexologist" in them
which isn't really...

1289
01:23:31,720 --> 01:23:35,040
it doesn't... it doesn't
really rhyme with too much.

1290
01:23:35,080 --> 01:23:37,760
But it basically...
it basically goes like this:

1291
01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:41,120
The role... the role
of the sexologist...

1292
01:23:43,720 --> 01:23:45,880
Gentlemen, come with me.

1293
01:23:53,040 --> 01:23:55,720
- Ben.
- Marsha.

1294
01:23:55,720 --> 01:23:58,720
The bow tie,
the pretty boutonniere?

1295
01:23:58,760 --> 01:24:01,920
- Yes, sir, it stirs the pot a little.
- For me too, Coach.

1296
01:24:01,960 --> 01:24:04,680
- No, don't do that.
- Excuse me, Coach?

1297
01:24:04,720 --> 01:24:06,440
I'm... I'm... I'm like...

1298
01:24:06,480 --> 01:24:08,720
I'm a minute into my...
into my opening.

1299
01:24:08,760 --> 01:24:11,080
And, uh... well, uh...

1300
01:24:11,120 --> 01:24:14,080
well, I've... well, uh...
well, I'm killing in there.

1301
01:24:17,920 --> 01:24:19,440
Aren't I killing?

1302
01:24:19,480 --> 01:24:22,080
I've heard worse.

1303
01:24:22,120 --> 01:24:24,800
She's...
she's heard worse.

1304
01:24:24,840 --> 01:24:27,200
There was an objection raised
to your entering here today.

1305
01:24:27,240 --> 01:24:29,440
And the New Jersey League officials
have already voted on it

1306
01:24:29,480 --> 01:24:32,120
and it doesn't feel altogether
great to have to tell you this.

1307
01:24:32,160 --> 01:24:34,480
You're not home-schooled,
Mr. Hefner.

1308
01:24:34,520 --> 01:24:37,160
And working most days
at a dry-cleaner's, Mr. Wekselbaum,

1309
01:24:37,160 --> 01:24:38,920
means that you're not either.

1310
01:24:38,920 --> 01:24:41,320
You've been barred
from the competition.

1311
01:24:41,320 --> 01:24:43,760
You're welcome to stay
and observe if you like.

1312
01:24:55,600 --> 01:24:59,280
You know, we... we, uh...

1313
01:25:00,320 --> 01:25:02,240
might have actually
won the whole thing.

1314
01:25:04,040 --> 01:25:06,880
Probably not if you really
apply powers of reason to it.

1315
01:25:10,360 --> 01:25:12,360
So that's...
so... so...

1316
01:25:12,400 --> 01:25:14,760
uh... so that's...
that's it?

1317
01:25:16,800 --> 01:25:19,560
Come and visit me
sometime, if you want.

1318
01:25:19,560 --> 01:25:21,960
We'll reminisce about this
and what it means.

1319
01:25:51,360 --> 01:25:54,120
Teen sexual experimentation
in these programs...

1320
01:25:58,600 --> 01:26:02,320
Well, uh... uh...

1321
01:26:04,840 --> 01:26:06,600
today was not my day.
Okay?

1322
01:26:06,600 --> 01:26:09,800
But... but, uh...
but... but, uh...

1323
01:26:09,840 --> 01:26:12,680
some... someday will be.
And... and on... on that day,

1324
01:26:12,680 --> 01:26:15,520
you... you will be
sitting at home alone.

1325
01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:18,520
At home.

1326
01:26:18,560 --> 01:26:21,960
And you'll... you'll think to yourself...
when you're alone

1327
01:26:22,000 --> 01:26:23,800
that... that... that...

1328
01:26:23,840 --> 01:26:25,840
I knew him when.

1329
01:26:25,880 --> 01:26:28,120
Him being me.

1330
01:26:30,040 --> 01:26:32,680
Anarchy is not only the best system
in which to encourage adult maturation,

1331
01:26:32,680 --> 01:26:35,040
it is also the best system in which
to encourage sexual liberation.

1332
01:26:35,080 --> 01:26:37,400
Don't you dare go thinking
this was easy for me or simple!

1333
01:26:37,440 --> 01:26:39,080
If you think my feelings
on the matter were clear,

1334
01:26:39,080 --> 01:26:40,640
then you'd be underestimating
my complexity.

1335
01:26:40,680 --> 01:26:42,520
And while I see that you
don't recognize this now,

1336
01:26:42,560 --> 01:26:43,840
you actually have me
to thank...

1337
01:26:43,880 --> 01:26:45,600
in part, modesty
forces me to acknowledge,

1338
01:26:45,640 --> 01:26:48,480
but in large part... for your newfound
zest of competition and gamesmanship.

1339
01:26:48,520 --> 01:26:50,760
That was very clever
of you, to find Ben.

1340
01:26:50,800 --> 01:26:53,280
Surprisingly clever
and very painful.

1341
01:26:53,320 --> 01:26:55,520
Which means that I upped
your game, little man.

1342
01:26:56,560 --> 01:26:58,480
You're welcome!

1343
01:26:58,520 --> 01:26:59,960
Liberation breeds liberation, i.e.

1344
01:27:00,000 --> 01:27:01,800
sexual freedom
inspires political freedom.

1345
01:27:01,840 --> 01:27:04,360
At the heart of all liberty
is the liberty to engage...

1346
01:28:16,800 --> 01:28:18,800
Sir?

1347
01:28:18,840 --> 01:28:20,800
I will have one of...

1348
01:28:20,840 --> 01:28:22,520
I'll have one of the...

1349
01:28:22,560 --> 01:28:24,000
I'll have
a slice of your...

1350
01:28:24,040 --> 01:28:26,240
the... of...

1351
01:28:26,280 --> 01:28:28,120
one of your...
one of your...

1352
01:28:28,160 --> 01:28:30,560
I'll have a slice
of the... of the...

1353
01:28:30,600 --> 01:28:32,960
the... the...
one of... what...

1354
01:28:33,000 --> 01:28:34,640
I mean, you can
imagine it's not fish

1355
01:28:34,680 --> 01:28:37,200
because you don't
have any fish here.

1356
01:28:37,240 --> 01:28:39,440
At least I hope not.

1357
01:28:40,720 --> 01:28:42,920
It's good. Um...

1358
01:28:42,920 --> 01:28:45,440
but I'll have a slice
of the... of your...

1359
01:28:45,480 --> 01:28:48,640
one of your... um,
slices of the... the...

1360
01:28:48,680 --> 01:28:52,000
the... the... the pizza.

1361
01:28:55,880 --> 01:28:57,920
You can pay me
when you're through.

1362
01:28:57,960 --> 01:28:59,800
You know, why don't
I make it not just...

1363
01:28:59,840 --> 01:29:02,120
not... not just...
not... not one...

1364
01:29:02,120 --> 01:29:03,840
not one slice, but, uh,

1365
01:29:03,880 --> 01:29:05,640
I'll have... I'll have...

1366
01:29:05,640 --> 01:29:07,200
not one.

1367
01:29:07,240 --> 01:29:08,720
I'm gonna close up in a bit.

1368
01:29:08,760 --> 01:29:10,920
Why don't you just
take all three?

1369
01:29:10,920 --> 01:29:12,680
Otherwise they're
getting trashed.

1370
01:29:14,840 --> 01:29:16,280
Yes!

1371
01:29:18,200 --> 01:29:21,120
Thank you.
Thanks.

1372
01:29:52,480 --> 01:29:54,880
Eventually,
all of this would pass.

1373
01:29:54,920 --> 01:29:57,120
And the memory of it
would give way to embellishment

1374
01:29:57,160 --> 01:30:00,400
and fantasy
and outright distortion

1375
01:30:00,440 --> 01:30:02,200
until it was hard
for Hal Hefner to remember

1376
01:30:02,240 --> 01:30:04,000
what he was
really like back then.

1377
01:30:04,040 --> 01:30:06,280
When he still carried
in his head the sound of

1378
01:30:06,280 --> 01:30:09,080
a madeup perfect voice,

1379
01:30:09,120 --> 01:30:11,200
the voice that could
speak its heart,

1380
01:30:11,240 --> 01:30:13,880
the voice he used
to wish he had,

1381
01:30:13,920 --> 01:30:16,800
until the day he stopped wishing
he sounded like anyone else

1382
01:30:16,840 --> 01:30:18,640
and just started
talking as he was.

1383
01:30:37,000 --> 01:30:38,640
You okay?

1384
01:30:38,680 --> 01:30:40,440
Yeah, I'm okay.

1385
01:30:40,480 --> 01:30:43,400
But, uh, listen...

1386
01:30:45,720 --> 01:30:47,680
what do you...
what do you...

1387
01:30:47,720 --> 01:30:50,360
I mean, what are
your thoughts on...

1388
01:30:50,400 --> 01:30:52,200
like on... on...

1389
01:30:52,200 --> 01:30:53,840
on love?

1390
01:30:54,960 --> 01:30:56,960
Oh, man, it's so late, Hal.

1391
01:30:57,000 --> 01:30:58,720
I, um...

1392
01:30:58,760 --> 01:31:03,240
I couldn't find
the... the off-ramp.

1393
01:31:03,280 --> 01:31:07,000
And I ended up
circling back three times.

1394
01:31:07,040 --> 01:31:08,960
And, uh...

1395
01:31:09,000 --> 01:31:11,760
I don't even know if I know
how to get you back to Plainsboro.

1396
01:31:14,080 --> 01:31:16,600
You know,
it shouldn't be...

1397
01:31:16,640 --> 01:31:19,840
shouldn't... it really
shouldn't be like rocket,

1398
01:31:19,880 --> 01:31:22,320
uh... shouldn't
be rocket, um...

1399
01:31:23,840 --> 01:31:28,000
Sometimes, I don't know,

1400
01:31:28,040 --> 01:31:31,440
I guess I just
wonder when

1401
01:31:31,480 --> 01:31:34,440
it all starts
to make sense, you know?

1402
01:31:36,760 --> 01:31:39,040
All what?

1403
01:31:39,080 --> 01:31:41,280
All this.
You know, everything.

1404
01:31:42,280 --> 01:31:44,120
Oh.

1405
01:31:45,120 --> 01:31:47,880
Well, I guess
there comes a point,

1406
01:31:47,880 --> 01:31:51,360
you see, when you
reach a certain age

1407
01:31:51,400 --> 01:31:54,560
and you're in Jersey,

1408
01:31:54,600 --> 01:31:56,480
or someplace just like it,

1409
01:31:56,520 --> 01:31:58,840
and...

1410
01:31:58,880 --> 01:32:01,320
you stop trying
to figure it all out.

1411
01:32:01,360 --> 01:32:03,320
You just...

1412
01:32:05,960 --> 01:32:08,360
are glad
for what you have.

1413
01:32:08,360 --> 01:32:10,920
Oh.

1414
01:32:10,960 --> 01:32:13,600
And that...
that... that...

1415
01:32:13,640 --> 01:32:16,200
that just, like, happens
for everyone?

1416
01:32:16,240 --> 01:32:18,080
Yeah. Pretty much.

1417
01:32:19,920 --> 01:32:22,480
But you let me know if it
turns out different for you.

1418
01:32:22,520 --> 01:32:24,480
I'll do that.

1419
01:32:25,800 --> 01:32:27,840
I'll find...

1420
01:32:27,880 --> 01:32:30,400
a... a way... a g...

1421
01:32:30,440 --> 01:32:32,600
some good way

1422
01:32:32,640 --> 01:32:34,560
of letting you know
how it all works out.

1423
01:36:34,561 --> 01:36:35,561
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