1 00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:44,187 What is it? 2 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,290 Sorry to have to report... 3 00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:47,273 there are four stowaways in the forward hatch. 4 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,692 Stowaways? How do you know there are four of them? 5 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,277 They were singing Sweet Adeline. 6 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:52,820 Get them out of there, you hear? 7 00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:53,988 But we can't find them. 8 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,866 And besides, they've been writing insulting notes. 9 00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:02,205 So, I'm an old goat, am I? Listen to me. 10 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,707 Find them if you have to clear out that whole hatch! 11 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:05,875 Yes, sir. 12 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,212 Captain, when do we get in? 13 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,588 Wednesday! 14 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,832 I beg your pardon. Wednesday. 15 00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,049 Thank you. 16 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,510 In all my dreams 17 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:18,012 In all my dreams 18 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:21,015 Your fair face beams 19 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,559 Your fair face beams 20 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,103 You're the idol 21 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:30,191 of my heart 22 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:34,987 Sweet Adeline 23 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:40,034 My Adeline 24 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,667 This is the only way to travel, boys. The only way. 25 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,669 I was gonna bring the wife and kiddies... 26 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,796 but the grocer couldn't spare another barrel. 27 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,422 I was gonna bring my grandfather, 28 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,132 but there's no room for his beard. 29 00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:57,927 Why not send for the old swine, let his beard come later? 30 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,679 I sent for his beard. You did? 31 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,347 It's coming by "hair" mail. 32 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,057 Fellas, I think I hear someone. 33 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:05,768 If it's the captain, I'm gonna have a few words with him. 34 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,728 My hot water's been cold for three days 35 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,689 and I haven't got room to swing a cat. 36 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,482 In fact, I haven't even got a cat. 37 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,609 My grandfather can swing a cat. He can? 38 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,653 That'd make a good job for him. 39 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:16,821 Come on, men. 40 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,406 Someone's coming. 41 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,246 Come on, men. Snap it up. 42 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,248 Listen, fellas. 43 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,083 We've got to find those stowaways. 44 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,960 And when we do, we'll put them in irons. 45 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,169 Aye, aye, sir. 46 00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,422 Take a look in behind those cases. 47 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:37,258 You fellows, look behind those boxes. 48 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,598 Never mind the barrels. 49 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,349 Aye, aye, sir. 50 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:46,434 What's that? 51 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:47,579 I just said "aye, aye, sir." 52 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:49,020 Never mind that. Find those men. 53 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,563 Aye, aye, sir. 54 00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,631 They're not here, sir. 55 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:18,215 Oh, yes, they are. 56 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,176 Hoist all this stuff up on deck. 57 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,761 And get these barrels out of the way. 58 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,429 Very well, sir. 59 00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:26,641 Lower away up there. 60 00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,436 Hurry up with that sling. 61 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,565 You'll never find them standing around. Yes, sir. 62 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,878 You look in back of those bales. You look in those boxes. 63 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:37,985 Yes, sir. 64 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,321 All right, boys. 65 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,575 Make it snappy up there! 66 00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,507 Hey! 67 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:00,967 There they are! 68 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:05,680 Hurry. 69 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:22,923 You fellas, go aft. You fellas, take a look in behind those lifeboats. 70 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,951 Captain, tell us about the stowaways. 71 00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,788 I'll have them in the brig before long. 72 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:57,958 That's terribly romantic. I'd love to meet a stowaway. 73 00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,293 Hey, you. 74 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,545 Are these your gloves? I found them in your trunk. 75 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:04,215 Go to your rooms. I'll be down shortly. Who are you? 76 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:07,134 Are you the floorwalker? I want to register a complaint. 77 00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,719 What's the matter? Matter enough. 78 00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:11,013 You know who sneaked into my stateroom at 3:00 a. m.? 79 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,224 Who did that? Nobody, and that's my complaint. 80 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,935 I'm young. I want gaiety, laughter, ha-cha-cha. 81 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,103 I wanna dance. 82 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,271 I wanna dance till the cows come home 83 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:20,648 Just what do you mean by this? 84 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,775 I don't like the way you're running this boat. 85 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,152 Get in the backseat and let your wife drive. 86 00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:28,405 I've been captain of this ship for 22 years. 87 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:29,615 Twenty-two years? 88 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,076 If you were a man, you'd go in business for yourself. 89 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,578 I know a fellow, started last year with a canoe. 90 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:37,873 He has more women than you can shake a stick at, if you enjoy that. 91 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,042 One more word, and I'll throw you in irons. 92 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,378 You can't do it with irons. It's a mashie shot. 93 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,965 It's a mashie shot if the wind is against you. If the wind isn't, I am. 94 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,134 How about those barrels down below? 95 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,552 I wouldn't put a pig in there. 96 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,053 See here, you... 97 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,888 Not even if you got down on your knees. 98 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,850 And here's your gloves. You would take them, wouldn't you? 99 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,518 And keep away from my office. 100 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,478 Now, see here, you! 101 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:13,951 How dare you invade the sanctity of the captain's quarters? 102 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,870 I thought you was the captain. I'm hungry. 103 00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,329 I'm gonna find something to eat. 104 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,623 I'll take care of that. Hello. 105 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:20,828 Send up the captain's lunch. 106 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:21,876 Two. 107 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,837 Send up his dinner, too. Who am I? 108 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,091 I'm the captain. You want to choose up sides? 109 00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:34,680 Engineer, will you tell them to stop the boat from rocking? 110 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,348 I'm gonna have lunch. 111 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,561 What's the matter with you? 112 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,229 What's the matter with me? I'm hungry. 113 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,374 I didn't eat in three days. 114 00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,398 Three days? 115 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,900 We've only been on the boat two days. 116 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,401 I didn't eat yesterday... 117 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:51,071 I didn't eat today, and I won't eat tomorrow. That makes three days. 118 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,200 State your business. I've got to shiver my timbers. 119 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,494 I got no business. I come up to see the captain's bridge. 120 00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,122 Captain's bridge? I'm sorry. He always keeps it in a glass... 121 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,207 while he's eating. 122 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,459 Would you like to see where he sleeps? 123 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,502 I saw that. That's the bunk. 124 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,172 You're wasting your breath, and that's no great loss. 125 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,340 A fine sailor you are. 126 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:13,010 You bet I'm a fine sailor. You know, my whole family was sailors? 127 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:16,513 My father was partners with Columbus. What do you think of that? 128 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,016 Your father and Columbus were partners? You bet. 129 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,643 Columbus has been dead 400 years. 130 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,353 They told me it was my father. 131 00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,563 Hop up there, and I'll show you 132 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,815 a few things you don't know about history. 133 00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:29,151 Now look. There's Columbus. 134 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,111 That's Columbus Circle. 135 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:35,699 Would you mind getting up off that flypaper and giving the flies a chance? 136 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:38,661 You're crazy. Flies can't read papers. 137 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,873 Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India looking for a shortcut. 138 00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:45,125 You mean strawberry shortcut. 139 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,752 I don't know. 140 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,588 When I woke up, there was the nurse taking care of me. 141 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:52,216 What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? 142 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:55,344 You bet she could, but I found it out too late. Enough of this. 143 00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:56,762 Let's get back to Columbus. 144 00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:58,241 I'd rather get back to the nurse. 145 00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,431 So would I. 146 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,850 But Columbus was sailing along on his vessel. 147 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,018 On his what? 148 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,478 Not on his what. On his vessel. 149 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:07,147 Don't you know what "vessel" is? Sure. I can vessel. 150 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,738 Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you? 151 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,449 Now, one night Columbus' sailors started a mutiny. 152 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,452 No mutinies at night. They're in the afternoon. 153 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,038 You know, mutinies Wednesdays and Saturdays. 154 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,666 There's my argument. Restrict immigration. 155 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:57,614 All right. 156 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,244 Of all the colossal impudence! 157 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,164 Why don't you stand up? Can't you see he has no chair? 158 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,207 Why, you... You better keep quiet. 159 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,793 We're a couple of big stockholders in this company. 160 00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,128 Stockholders? 161 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,797 You look like a couple of stowaways to me. 162 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,008 Don't forget that the stockholder 163 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,053 of yesteryear is the stowaway of today. 164 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,888 Well, you look exactly like them. 165 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,556 What do they look like? 166 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,517 One of them goes around with a black moustache. 167 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:29,229 So do I. If I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde. 168 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,816 I said one goes around with a black moustache. 169 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,819 You couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. 170 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,489 Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain? 171 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:39,823 Sure, it gets lonely. 172 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,575 When my grandfather's beard gets here, 173 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,118 I'd like it to meet your moustache. 174 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,829 I'll think it over. I'll talk it over with my moustache. 175 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,873 Has your grandfather's beard got any money? 176 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,084 Money? Why, it fell hair to a fortune. 177 00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,585 Now, listen! 178 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,296 Stockholders or no stockholders, you clear out of here! 179 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,965 There's someone in that room. 180 00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,761 There's somebody in that closet, and I think it's you, Captain. 181 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,515 Now, we can eat in peace. 182 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,058 All right. Here's a piece for you. 183 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,226 That a baby. 184 00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,397 Beg pardon, Captain. 185 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,084 How dare you enter the captain's quarters... 186 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,108 while I'm eating. 187 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,275 Sorry, sir. 188 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,991 Now I've got you! 189 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,455 Don't forget the butter. 190 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,647 You know, there's some mighty pretty country around here. 191 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:17,671 I've... 192 00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:18,839 I beg your pardon. 193 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,263 Pardon me. Is this yours? 194 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,806 Why, no. 195 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:32,436 You sure? 196 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,520 I'm positive. 197 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,365 Is this yours? 198 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:46,825 Yes, it is. 199 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,662 As I was saying, there's some mighty beautiful country around here. 200 00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:51,997 The trees are lovely. 201 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,373 You bet they are. I love them. 202 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,897 Get out of my way! 203 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,883 Gibson. Come out of there. 204 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:28,844 Yes, sir. 205 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,473 I want to report I found a... 206 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,225 Gibson, you've been drinking again... 207 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,768 and you know what my orders were. 208 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,605 But those stowaways, I just caught one of them in there. 209 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:40,856 Stowaway, huh? 210 00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,190 Yes. There he is. 211 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,985 Help! Look out! You're choking me! 212 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,488 I thought so. Go to your quarters. 213 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,493 That's one now. 214 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,831 That's a dummy. Come with me. 215 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,754 First officer. 216 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,006 I'm telling you, that's him. 217 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:09,009 This has gone far enough. Get up to your quarters. 218 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,347 Yes, sir. 219 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,516 Quiet. 220 00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:22,272 I think you're right. 221 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,399 I know you're right. 222 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:07,150 Would you like anything before lunch? 223 00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,568 Yes, breakfast. 224 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,864 Nobody eats in here. 225 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,116 I do. 226 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,996 Mustard's no good without roast beef. 227 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,998 Do you want your nails trimmed long? 228 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,918 About an hour and a half. I got nothing to do. 229 00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,754 You're a nice-looking gal, all right. 230 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,172 You got it. 231 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,382 Thank you. 232 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,008 And you can keep it. 233 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,442 That's a nice gal? 234 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,361 Somebody's coming. 235 00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,738 Come on, boys. 236 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,704 You're next, Cap. 237 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,956 I'm looking for a couple of mugs. 238 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,543 No, you boys look on B Deck. Aye, aye, sir. 239 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,336 How about a shave? 240 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,172 Sure. Give me a once-over. 241 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:11,631 Once-over, partner. 242 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,092 No, a shave. 243 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,378 On the face. All right. 244 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,220 Wake me up when you get through. 245 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,181 We'll take care of you, all right. 246 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,646 We take the tonsils last. I think we work on the moustache first. 247 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,524 Give him a little snoop. 248 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:37,741 This side's too long. Give him a little snoop this side. 249 00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,829 Now this side is too short. 250 00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:47,626 It's too short. The other side is too long. Snoop him up. 251 00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,755 That's better, but the side that was too short now is too long... 252 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,799 and the side that was too long is too short. 253 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,426 I think you got to give him one more snoop. 254 00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,347 I think we better measure. 255 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,729 It's about a foot too much. 256 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,483 No, the measure's a foot too much. 257 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,904 Now it looks much better. 258 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,949 It can stand one more snoop in the middle, I think. 259 00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:20,784 In the middle, one snoop. 260 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:26,748 That's fine. That's very good. 261 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:31,086 I think it's a little bit rough right here. I fix that. 262 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,549 You know, I'm never going on this boat again. The food is no good. 263 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,634 Of course, I no eat yet, but even 264 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,803 if I don't eat, I like the food good. 265 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,138 One more snoop. 266 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:53,275 That's beautiful? That's what you call a work of art. 267 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,112 Hey, you know, I think you give him one snoop too much. 268 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,273 Hey, you know, I think you give him one snoop too much. 269 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,536 And I want you to know, I'm fed up on your alibis. 270 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,079 Take it easy. 271 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,665 You're getting all excited. 272 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,959 Now where do you think you're going? 273 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,004 Never mind. I'm running this racket. 274 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:17,632 Just stay here and keep out of sight like I told you. 275 00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:22,929 No you don't. Now, listen to me, Mr. Alky Briggs. 276 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,181 You can't keep me cooped up like this. 277 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,018 I've played second fiddle on this ship long enough. 278 00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:32,230 Now you listen. I'm not after any dames. 279 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,566 I'm after Joe Helton, I tell you, and 280 00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,735 he can't get away from me on this boat. 281 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:41,281 He's got to put his okay on my gang, or he's gonna get this. 282 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,051 Hey, who are you? 283 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,469 I'm the tailor. 284 00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:06,306 That reminds me. Where are my pants? 285 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:07,891 You've got them on. 286 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:13,146 Pardon me while I step into the closet. 287 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:17,609 And get a load of this, if you come in again at 3:00 a. m.... 288 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:20,236 Stop bothering me. Tell it to the tailor. 289 00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,030 Alky! 290 00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,657 Alky! 291 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,627 What are you doing in there? 292 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,545 Nothing. Come on in. 293 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,841 You can't stay in that closet. 294 00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:42,926 Can't, can I? 295 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:45,345 That's what they said to Thomas Edison, mighty inventor... 296 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,097 Thomas Lindbergh, mighty flier, 297 00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,848 and Thomas Shefsky, mighty like a rose. 298 00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:51,768 Just remember that if there weren't 299 00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:53,532 any closets, there wouldn't be any hooks... 300 00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:55,540 and if there weren't any hooks, there'd be no fish, 301 00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,691 and that would suit me fine. 302 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:03,530 Don't try to hide. I know you're in that closet. 303 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,115 Did you see me go in the closet? 304 00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:06,533 No. 305 00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,076 Am I in the closet now? 306 00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,536 No. 307 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:13,832 Then how do you know I was in the closet? Your Honor, I rest my case. 308 00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:18,003 Come here, brown eyes. 309 00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:20,547 You're not gonna get me off this bed. 310 00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,549 I didn't know you were a lawyer. 311 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,300 You're awfully shy for a lawyer. 312 00:22:24,385 --> 00:22:26,720 You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer. 313 00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,431 Then what do you think of an egg that would give me... 314 00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:31,516 You've been getting nothing but dirty breaks. 315 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,351 We can clean and tighten your brakes... 316 00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:36,187 but you'll have to stay in the garage all night. 317 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,691 I want excitement. I want to ha-cha-cha-cha. 318 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,490 You don't realize it. 319 00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:50,994 From the time he got the marriage license, I've led a dog's life. 320 00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:52,996 Are you sure he didn't get a dog's license? 321 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,789 Alky can't make a fool of me. 322 00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:57,167 I want to go places. I want to do things. 323 00:22:57,251 --> 00:22:59,961 I want freedom, I want liberty, I want justice! 324 00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:04,007 Madam, you're making history. In fact, you're making me. 325 00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:06,134 And I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself. 326 00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,637 You know what I want. I want life, I want laughter, I want gaiety. 327 00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:11,431 I want to ha-cha-cha-cha. 328 00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:18,730 Madam, before I get through with you, 329 00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,690 you will have a clear case for divorce... 330 00:23:20,775 --> 00:23:21,858 and so will my wife. 331 00:23:21,942 --> 00:23:24,652 The first thing to do is to arrange for a settlement. 332 00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:27,072 You take the children, your husband takes the house. 333 00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:30,575 Junior burns the house, you take the insurance and I take you. 334 00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:32,160 But I haven't any children. 335 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,789 That's the trouble with this country. You haven't any children. 336 00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:40,585 And as for me, I'm going back in the closet where men are empty overcoats. 337 00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:42,337 Brown eyes. 338 00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:39,394 Sir, this is an outrage, breaking into a man's home. 339 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:43,648 There'll be a letter about this in the Times tomorrow morning. 340 00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:44,858 Yeah? 341 00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:50,196 But you won't read it, 'cause I'm gonna lay you out pretty. 342 00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,240 You're gonna lay me out pretty? 343 00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,909 That's the thanks I get for freeing an innocent girl... 344 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:56,995 who, although she is hiding at the moment... 345 00:24:57,079 --> 00:24:59,455 has promised to become the mother of her children. 346 00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:03,042 And with that, sir, I bid you a fond farewell. Good day, sir. 347 00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:05,712 Good day. 348 00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:11,092 Come out of there. I want to talk to you. 349 00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:13,803 I'm sorry, but we're using the old-fashioned iceman... 350 00:25:13,888 --> 00:25:17,223 and we find him very satisfactory for keeping the house warm. 351 00:25:21,437 --> 00:25:24,981 Just as I thought, you're yellow, grabbing at a woman's skirts. 352 00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:27,817 I'm wise. You're wise? 353 00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,277 What's the capital of Nebraska? 354 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:31,988 What's the capital of the Chase National Bank? Give up? 355 00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:33,615 Now, I'll try you on an easy one. 356 00:25:33,741 --> 00:25:35,325 How many Frenchmen can't be wrong? 357 00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:36,534 I know... 358 00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:37,820 You were warm and so was she. 359 00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:40,538 Don't be discouraged. With a little study you'll go a long way. 360 00:25:40,623 --> 00:25:42,081 And I'd wish you'd start now. 361 00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:43,708 Do you see this gat? 362 00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:46,002 Cute, isn't it? Santa Claus bring it 363 00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:47,837 for Christmas? I got a fire engine. 364 00:25:47,922 --> 00:25:50,548 Listen, mug. Do you know who I am? 365 00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:54,427 Don't tell me. Are you animal or vegetable? Animal. 366 00:25:55,221 --> 00:25:57,472 Get this. I'm Alky Briggs. 367 00:25:57,598 --> 00:25:59,891 And I'm the fellow who talks so much. 368 00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:02,769 Fancy meeting you here after all these drinks. 369 00:26:07,316 --> 00:26:09,192 Wait a minute. Sorry, I can't stay. 370 00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:10,860 The captain's waiting to chase me. 371 00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:14,322 You can stay, all right, until I finish with you. 372 00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:16,157 Alky, darling, please! 373 00:26:16,283 --> 00:26:19,577 Don't "darling" me. Get in that next room and stay there! 374 00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,622 Get in that next room. 375 00:26:25,251 --> 00:26:27,627 I'm not good enough for her, am I? 376 00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:32,799 Is there anything you've got to say before I drill you? 377 00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:35,176 Yes, I'd like to ask you one question. 378 00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:36,386 Go ahead. 379 00:26:36,470 --> 00:26:40,056 Do you think that girls think less of a boy if he lets himself be kissed? 380 00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:43,226 Don't you think that although girls go out with boys like me... 381 00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:45,395 they always marry the other kind? 382 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:47,730 If you're gonna kill me, hurry up. 383 00:26:47,856 --> 00:26:49,524 I have to take my tonic at 2:00. 384 00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:52,568 I can use a guy with your nerve. 385 00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:56,030 I think we could get along well together. 386 00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:59,075 Of course, the first year we might have our little squabbles. 387 00:26:59,159 --> 00:27:01,869 But, then, that's inevitable, don't you think? 388 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,376 And what do you want here? 389 00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:11,963 I was just looking for him. 390 00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:13,923 Do you know this guy? 391 00:27:14,008 --> 00:27:17,427 I've known him for years. He used to live in the next barrel to me. 392 00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:20,805 I see. The stowaways. 393 00:27:21,807 --> 00:27:23,891 I can help you bozos. 394 00:27:24,018 --> 00:27:25,101 Mr. Bozos to you. 395 00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:28,271 All right, Mr. Bozo. And you can help me. 396 00:27:29,356 --> 00:27:32,692 I'm shorthanded, and I want to get a guy on this boat. 397 00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:34,098 It's too late to get him on now. 398 00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:35,945 Should've said so before we sailed. 399 00:27:36,697 --> 00:27:38,865 Listen. This is a map of B Deck. 400 00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:41,159 There's Joe Helton's stateroom. 401 00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:46,372 And he's a tough egg. And you're coming with me... 402 00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:49,375 while I have it out with Joe. 403 00:27:50,544 --> 00:27:52,003 Do you know who Joe Helton is? 404 00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:54,589 I think I'll get off this boat until this blows over. 405 00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:57,759 If you know what's good for you, you'll stick with me. 406 00:28:00,220 --> 00:28:03,848 You keep the windows covered while I go in. Now, move! 407 00:29:58,297 --> 00:29:59,922 What is the idea of this? 408 00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:02,341 It's all right. I make a move for you. 409 00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:03,843 This is an outrage! 410 00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:05,344 I'll call the captain! 411 00:30:05,471 --> 00:30:06,573 The captain don't play chess. 412 00:30:06,597 --> 00:30:07,597 Purser! 413 00:30:07,681 --> 00:30:09,265 Steward! Come here. 414 00:30:09,391 --> 00:30:10,933 Too much noise here for us. 415 00:30:11,018 --> 00:30:13,561 We better go someplace where it's quiet. 416 00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:17,690 Come in. 417 00:30:22,988 --> 00:30:24,906 Your cigars, sir. Thanks. 418 00:30:28,035 --> 00:30:29,452 Wait a minute. 419 00:30:34,208 --> 00:30:35,541 Thank you, sir. 420 00:30:59,650 --> 00:31:03,611 Dad, now look at you. You aren't even dressed yet. 421 00:31:04,196 --> 00:31:07,156 You can do all the dressing for the family, Mary. 422 00:31:07,282 --> 00:31:10,910 Old Joe Helton is taking things easy for the rest of his life. 423 00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:13,746 We're big shots now, baby. 424 00:31:19,503 --> 00:31:20,545 Come in. 425 00:31:23,757 --> 00:31:25,675 Hello, Joe. 426 00:31:25,801 --> 00:31:27,760 Hello, Briggs. What do you want? 427 00:31:28,053 --> 00:31:30,596 I just wanted to have a friendly talk. 428 00:31:31,139 --> 00:31:33,724 I'm sort of worried about business. 429 00:31:33,809 --> 00:31:35,184 Step in the other room, baby. 430 00:31:35,269 --> 00:31:37,228 But, Dad... Run along, honey. 431 00:31:40,524 --> 00:31:41,566 Your kid? 432 00:31:44,653 --> 00:31:46,279 She's cute, isn't she? 433 00:31:47,281 --> 00:31:50,449 I don't think we've got anything to talk about. Get out. 434 00:31:50,993 --> 00:31:53,536 Not before I get your okay on my gang. 435 00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,288 I'm not doing you any favors. 436 00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:57,081 Yes, you are. 437 00:31:58,667 --> 00:32:00,418 You're gonna sign this. 438 00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:14,181 I'm taking over your territory, or there's gonna be trouble. 439 00:32:14,308 --> 00:32:16,309 I'm taking no sides. 440 00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:19,437 You'll have to fight it out with Butch and the gang. 441 00:32:19,521 --> 00:32:22,273 I'm stepping into your shoes as boss. 442 00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:25,401 I'm not backing up any small-time chiseller. 443 00:32:25,485 --> 00:32:27,778 Don't put on the Ritz with me. 444 00:32:27,863 --> 00:32:29,780 Don't get cocky with me, Briggs. 445 00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:31,115 I'm talking turkey. 446 00:32:31,199 --> 00:32:34,452 You can't make all the dough and then run out on your pals. 447 00:32:34,536 --> 00:32:37,288 I'm not taking orders from a mug like you! 448 00:32:38,999 --> 00:32:40,082 Scram! 449 00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:42,418 So that's your answer? Here's mine! 450 00:32:51,345 --> 00:32:54,847 So you got your gang with you? I'll get you later. 451 00:32:58,352 --> 00:32:59,810 Who are you guys? 452 00:33:01,521 --> 00:33:03,272 What are you doing in my room? 453 00:33:03,357 --> 00:33:06,525 That's my partner, but he no speak. He's dumb and deaf. 454 00:33:11,657 --> 00:33:13,658 You guys don't know it, but you just scared 455 00:33:13,784 --> 00:33:15,785 a pretty tough egg out of this room. 456 00:33:15,869 --> 00:33:17,620 Sure, we're a couple of tough guys. 457 00:33:17,704 --> 00:33:18,890 Do you want to make some money? 458 00:33:18,914 --> 00:33:20,039 Money? 459 00:33:21,541 --> 00:33:25,211 Money? Feel this muscle. Feel his muscle. 460 00:33:28,048 --> 00:33:29,965 All right. How much you pay? 461 00:33:30,676 --> 00:33:32,259 Just how tough are you? 462 00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:34,303 You pay little bit, we're little bit tough. 463 00:33:34,388 --> 00:33:35,930 You pay very much, very much tough. 464 00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:37,765 You pay too much, we're too much tough. 465 00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:39,475 How much you pay? I pay plenty. 466 00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:42,687 Then we're plenty tough. And we show you, too. 467 00:33:43,063 --> 00:33:45,648 Partner, show him how tough we are. 468 00:33:49,236 --> 00:33:51,404 See? That's nothing. That's free. 469 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,739 Now we give you the real stuff this time. 470 00:33:53,824 --> 00:33:56,158 Come on. Put some pep in it. 471 00:33:56,243 --> 00:33:58,911 The one-two uppercut. You know, on the button. 472 00:33:59,871 --> 00:34:03,416 No downstairs button. Upstairs button. 473 00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:14,093 That's fine. That's good, all right. 474 00:34:14,177 --> 00:34:17,513 I tell him you're tough, and you punch like a lily. What's a matter? 475 00:34:17,597 --> 00:34:20,766 You wanna lose this job? Give him the stuff this time. 476 00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:23,477 Excuse me, boss. He can do much better... 477 00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:24,645 but he no work good today. 478 00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:27,022 He no get paid. When he get paid, you watch him. 479 00:34:27,107 --> 00:34:30,025 Come on. This time we give him the works. Come on. Hurry up. 480 00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:33,195 On the button this time. Come on, I tell you. On the button. 481 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,614 Hurry up. Give me the punch. Come on. 482 00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:36,782 All right. 483 00:34:36,867 --> 00:34:38,784 Come on! Punch! 484 00:34:51,548 --> 00:34:53,299 That's enough. Wait. 485 00:34:54,134 --> 00:34:55,217 What do you think of us? 486 00:34:55,343 --> 00:34:56,469 You're great. 487 00:34:56,970 --> 00:34:59,138 Not so loud. You want him to get a swell head? 488 00:34:59,222 --> 00:35:01,974 You guys are plenty tough, all right. 489 00:35:03,477 --> 00:35:05,144 I'm spying on you. 490 00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:09,315 You're just the fellows I need. You're hired. 491 00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:13,736 We're great, huh? You're great. 492 00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:15,279 My partner? He's great. 493 00:35:15,363 --> 00:35:17,573 My grandfather's great. He's a great-grandfather. 494 00:35:20,327 --> 00:35:22,536 When Helton comes out of his room, plug him. 495 00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:24,079 What'll we plug him with? 496 00:35:24,206 --> 00:35:25,664 Didn't I give you two gats? 497 00:35:25,791 --> 00:35:29,001 We had to drown the gat, but we saved you a little black gitten. 498 00:35:29,085 --> 00:35:31,629 Here, take these, and hang onto them now. 499 00:35:33,924 --> 00:35:35,257 Don't leave me for a minute. 500 00:35:35,342 --> 00:35:38,594 And keep your eye on that guy that just went out of here. 501 00:35:38,678 --> 00:35:39,720 You understand. 502 00:35:39,805 --> 00:35:42,848 Anybody come near the boss, let him have it. 503 00:35:43,350 --> 00:35:45,017 You're all right now, boss. 504 00:35:45,101 --> 00:35:48,270 Anybody comes near you... What's a matter with you? Look out. 505 00:35:48,355 --> 00:35:50,731 That's all right. He was just practicing. 506 00:35:50,816 --> 00:35:51,857 Get out. 507 00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:53,818 Now I can take a walk out on deck 508 00:35:53,944 --> 00:35:55,778 and feel safe. Come on. Let's go. 509 00:36:05,038 --> 00:36:06,956 There he comes now. Get him. 510 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,626 Don't worry. We'll get him. I've got my finger on the trigger. 511 00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:24,473 Hey, don't forget. 512 00:36:24,558 --> 00:36:27,309 Anybody comes near the boss, let him have it. 513 00:37:02,888 --> 00:37:05,222 It's the boss. He's got a disguise. 514 00:37:05,599 --> 00:37:07,766 Take off the whiskers. We know you. 515 00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:10,311 What do you mean? 516 00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:12,938 Officer! 517 00:37:20,947 --> 00:37:23,616 Why didn't you get him? Not afraid, are you? 518 00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:25,784 Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight... 519 00:37:25,869 --> 00:37:28,704 in wild caterpillars? Afraid? You bet I'm afraid. 520 00:37:29,623 --> 00:37:31,206 So... 521 00:37:31,333 --> 00:37:32,917 Hello. How are things in the closet? 522 00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:35,044 You know, I still smell of mothballs. 523 00:37:35,128 --> 00:37:37,296 I don't want to talk to you. 524 00:37:50,310 --> 00:37:53,020 So here you are, loafing around with these tramps. 525 00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:54,730 I came down to see Joe Helton. 526 00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:56,523 Don't you think we'd better go? What? 527 00:37:56,608 --> 00:37:58,567 And leave this woman alone with her husband? 528 00:37:58,652 --> 00:38:00,194 Suppose her sweetheart came in. 529 00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:03,656 Alky Briggs, don't think you can keep me cooped up in that stateroom. 530 00:38:03,740 --> 00:38:04,865 Because you're crazy! 531 00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:07,660 You'll stay down there and keep out of my business. 532 00:38:07,744 --> 00:38:08,744 Do you understand? 533 00:38:08,828 --> 00:38:10,746 Keep out of my business. Your turn. 534 00:38:10,830 --> 00:38:14,249 You were going to show me a good time. A good time! 535 00:38:14,334 --> 00:38:16,877 I might as well have stayed home and played solitaire! 536 00:38:16,962 --> 00:38:18,003 Your turn. 537 00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:21,173 Pipe down. I've more important things than you to worry about. 538 00:38:21,257 --> 00:38:22,257 Your turn. 539 00:38:22,342 --> 00:38:24,760 You say that again and I'll scratch your eyes out! 540 00:38:24,844 --> 00:38:27,721 You take this gun. You're gonna need it more than I will. 541 00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:29,139 Oh, you! 542 00:38:47,450 --> 00:38:50,619 Just the man I wanna see. If I show you how to save 20%... 543 00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:52,788 would you be interested? Of course you would. 544 00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:55,624 First, your overhead is too high and your brow is too low. 545 00:38:55,709 --> 00:38:58,544 Interested already, aren't you? Wait till I get through. 546 00:38:58,628 --> 00:39:00,004 I haven't got time. 547 00:39:00,130 --> 00:39:01,524 Two fellows are trying to attack you... 548 00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:04,758 and two fellows are trying to defend you. Now, that's 50% waste. 549 00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,969 Why can't you be attacked by your bodyguards? 550 00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:10,639 Your life will be saved, and that's 100% waste. Now what have you got? 551 00:39:10,724 --> 00:39:12,307 Me, and I'll attack you for nothing. 552 00:39:12,392 --> 00:39:13,475 What are you getting at? 553 00:39:13,601 --> 00:39:14,643 I anticipated that. 554 00:39:14,728 --> 00:39:17,813 How does an army travel? On its stomach. And you? On a ship. 555 00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:19,648 Of course, you're saving your stomach. 556 00:39:19,733 --> 00:39:20,899 The same common sense... 557 00:39:21,026 --> 00:39:22,151 I don't think you realize... 558 00:39:22,235 --> 00:39:24,862 I realize it's a penny here and there, but look at me. 559 00:39:24,946 --> 00:39:26,613 I've worked myself up from nothing 560 00:39:26,740 --> 00:39:28,490 to extreme poverty. What do you say? 561 00:39:28,575 --> 00:39:29,783 I'll tell you what I say... 562 00:39:29,909 --> 00:39:31,160 Then it's all settled. 563 00:39:31,244 --> 00:39:33,787 I'm to be your new bodyguard. In case I attack you... 564 00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:35,414 I'll be there to defend you, too. 565 00:39:35,498 --> 00:39:38,709 When you want to be attacked, I'll defend you 10 minutes later. 566 00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:42,463 I've already got two bodyguards, but I'll think it over. 567 00:39:59,022 --> 00:40:00,814 Thank you. You're welcome. 568 00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:02,816 What's the matter with you? 569 00:40:02,942 --> 00:40:04,443 I've got a frog in my throat. 570 00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:05,778 What? 571 00:40:05,904 --> 00:40:07,154 A frog in my throat. 572 00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:08,739 You've got a frog in your throat. 573 00:40:08,865 --> 00:40:10,240 Yes. 574 00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:15,454 You can't do that to my customers! Cut it out! 575 00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:19,291 Say, what's the matter with you? Are you crazy or something? 576 00:40:45,026 --> 00:40:48,362 Have your landing cards and passports ready, please. 577 00:40:51,991 --> 00:40:53,408 How do you do, Madame Swempski? 578 00:40:53,535 --> 00:40:54,952 Hello, boys. 579 00:40:55,036 --> 00:40:56,286 Any statement for the press? 580 00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:57,621 No, I'm afraid not. 581 00:40:57,705 --> 00:40:59,414 Nothing of interest on this tour. 582 00:40:59,499 --> 00:41:02,417 Is it true the opera is on the decline in Central Europe? 583 00:41:02,502 --> 00:41:03,627 Absurd. 584 00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:07,297 I predict they're going to have the greatest year they've ever had. 585 00:41:07,382 --> 00:41:09,049 Is it true that you're gonna get 586 00:41:09,175 --> 00:41:10,801 married again while on this tour? 587 00:41:10,927 --> 00:41:15,389 Gentlemen, I don't know what to say. Gentlemen, I'd say just this. 588 00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:17,349 The bicycle will never replace the horse. 589 00:41:17,433 --> 00:41:19,768 But, the horse will never replace the bicycle... 590 00:41:19,853 --> 00:41:23,522 which is quite a horse on the bicycle if I ever saw one, and I never did. 591 00:41:23,606 --> 00:41:25,983 I dare you to print that, you muckrakers. 592 00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:27,151 Have a cigar, babe. 593 00:41:27,277 --> 00:41:28,318 Okay for the picture, Joe. 594 00:41:28,403 --> 00:41:31,613 Pictures? Here's a little sex stuff for your front page. 595 00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,825 Now, hold it steady, please. 596 00:41:41,666 --> 00:41:44,585 You can say it was a real love match. We married for money. 597 00:41:44,669 --> 00:41:48,422 Eh, my shrinking violet? It won't hurt you to shrink 30 or 40 pounds. 598 00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:49,798 You impudent cad! 599 00:41:49,883 --> 00:41:51,300 I'll report you to your paper. 600 00:41:51,426 --> 00:41:52,801 Let me do the reporting. 601 00:41:52,886 --> 00:41:54,595 Is it true you'll get a divorce as soon 602 00:41:54,721 --> 00:41:56,471 as your husband recovers his sight? 603 00:41:56,556 --> 00:41:58,682 Is it true you wash your hair in clam broth? 604 00:41:58,766 --> 00:42:00,350 Is it true you danced in a flea circus? 605 00:42:00,476 --> 00:42:02,019 This is outrageous! 606 00:42:02,103 --> 00:42:03,896 If you don't stop, I'll call the captain. 607 00:42:03,980 --> 00:42:04,980 So that's it. 608 00:42:05,064 --> 00:42:07,316 Infatuated with a pretty uniform. We don't count. 609 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,319 We gave you our best years, now you want an officer. 610 00:42:10,403 --> 00:42:12,154 I don't like this innuendo. 611 00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:14,133 That's what I always say, love flies out the door 612 00:42:14,157 --> 00:42:15,949 when money comes innuendo. 613 00:42:16,034 --> 00:42:18,035 Good-bye. It's nice to have seen you, 614 00:42:18,161 --> 00:42:20,162 but I've got nobody to blame but myself. 615 00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:21,446 Could you tell me... 616 00:42:21,497 --> 00:42:22,581 Please... 617 00:42:23,416 --> 00:42:25,083 You're awfully glum. 618 00:42:26,127 --> 00:42:30,047 I was just thinking, after the boat lands, I may never see you again. 619 00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:34,176 Does it matter to you whether you ever see me again? 620 00:42:35,386 --> 00:42:38,347 I can't think of anything in the world that matters more. 621 00:42:38,431 --> 00:42:40,515 Mary, I'll never leave you. 622 00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:49,024 Tag. 623 00:42:49,192 --> 00:42:51,526 Tag. 624 00:42:57,367 --> 00:42:59,117 Wait a minute! 625 00:42:59,202 --> 00:43:01,703 I'm just trying to sneak off the boat, that's all. 626 00:43:01,788 --> 00:43:03,455 I'm looking for the man who owns... 627 00:43:03,539 --> 00:43:05,457 Where's your passport? 628 00:43:08,419 --> 00:43:10,754 Wait a minute. Let me handle this. 629 00:43:11,297 --> 00:43:14,424 I don't like to speak about it, Officer, but I happen to be... 630 00:43:14,509 --> 00:43:16,927 a good friend of the meat supplier to this boat. 631 00:43:17,011 --> 00:43:18,053 Well? 632 00:43:18,137 --> 00:43:19,156 Well, do you like lamb chops? 633 00:43:19,180 --> 00:43:20,555 Yes, what of it? 634 00:43:20,682 --> 00:43:22,057 This man doesn't handle lamb chops. 635 00:43:22,141 --> 00:43:23,976 But the roast beef is very good today. 636 00:43:24,060 --> 00:43:27,104 You fellows can't get off the boat without showing passports. 637 00:43:27,188 --> 00:43:31,191 Get on back there at the end of the line and get your passports open. 638 00:43:31,276 --> 00:43:33,026 Go on. Get back there. 639 00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:37,864 Stuffed shirt. When he said that to me... 640 00:43:37,949 --> 00:43:40,492 you could've knocked me over with a feather. 641 00:43:41,327 --> 00:43:42,995 He gives you service. 642 00:43:46,207 --> 00:43:47,749 It looks like we're up against it. 643 00:43:47,834 --> 00:43:49,876 It's up to you to get us a passport. 644 00:43:53,381 --> 00:43:54,881 I got you, didn't I? 645 00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:58,593 Well, you'll have to get up pretty early in the morning to steal from me. 646 00:43:58,678 --> 00:44:02,764 He did get up early this morning, but you weren't here. Perhaps tomorrow? 647 00:44:03,725 --> 00:44:05,976 Well, come on. Let's try another one. 648 00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:10,647 What's the idea, putting your hand in my pocket? 649 00:44:10,732 --> 00:44:12,107 Just a little mistake. 650 00:44:12,191 --> 00:44:14,026 I had a suit that looked just like that 651 00:44:14,152 --> 00:44:15,944 and I thought those were my pants. 652 00:44:16,029 --> 00:44:17,869 How could they be yours, when I've got them on? 653 00:44:17,905 --> 00:44:19,865 This suit had two pairs of pants. 654 00:44:20,283 --> 00:44:22,075 Better keep your hands to yourself. 655 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:23,952 Do you know who's on this boat? 656 00:44:24,078 --> 00:44:25,871 Maurice Chevalier, the movie actor. 657 00:44:25,955 --> 00:44:26,997 I just ran into him. 658 00:44:27,123 --> 00:44:28,165 Did you hurt him? 659 00:44:28,249 --> 00:44:29,708 How do you know it was Chevalier? 660 00:44:29,792 --> 00:44:31,543 I got his passport right there. 661 00:44:31,878 --> 00:44:33,920 Now he can't get off the boat. 662 00:44:34,756 --> 00:44:37,883 Hey, he looks like Chevalier. And I can look like Chevalier. 663 00:44:37,967 --> 00:44:39,301 I certainly look like Chevalier. 664 00:44:39,427 --> 00:44:42,971 But that's not enough. You have to sing his song to get off this boat. 665 00:44:43,056 --> 00:44:46,266 If a nightingale could sing like you 666 00:44:46,351 --> 00:44:49,478 They'd sing much better than you do 667 00:44:49,562 --> 00:44:51,980 Dandy. Sing like that, they'll throw us all off the boat. 668 00:44:52,065 --> 00:44:54,691 Well, let's try it. All right. Come on. 669 00:44:54,776 --> 00:44:56,651 Have your passports ready. Straight out... 670 00:44:56,736 --> 00:44:58,987 you'll find the baggage on the deck. 671 00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:02,115 Have your passports ready. 672 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,035 Keep in line, everybody. 945. 673 00:45:06,162 --> 00:45:09,164 Keep in line, everybody. Have your passports ready. 674 00:45:10,375 --> 00:45:12,000 1092. 675 00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:18,882 Never mind. Hey, if you want to get off the boat... 676 00:45:18,966 --> 00:45:20,092 get in the back. 677 00:45:20,259 --> 00:45:22,279 Oh, I didn't get on in the back. I got on in the front. 678 00:45:22,303 --> 00:45:23,303 Never mind that. 679 00:45:23,638 --> 00:45:24,846 Leave them alone. 680 00:45:24,972 --> 00:45:27,391 You're right... I told them to stay in line. 681 00:45:27,475 --> 00:45:28,809 Yeah? Show me your passport. 682 00:45:28,893 --> 00:45:30,936 Yeah, right here. That's my name. 683 00:45:31,437 --> 00:45:33,480 Maurice Chevalier? 684 00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:34,648 Yeah. 685 00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,274 This picture doesn't look like you. 686 00:45:36,442 --> 00:45:38,026 Sure, I'm Maurice Chevalier. 687 00:45:38,111 --> 00:45:39,194 I'll sing for you. 688 00:45:39,278 --> 00:45:42,447 If a nightingale could sing like you 689 00:45:42,532 --> 00:45:46,034 They'd sing much better than they do 690 00:45:46,119 --> 00:45:48,078 Here, never mind that. 691 00:45:48,162 --> 00:45:50,330 Get back in line where you belong. 692 00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:56,253 I was ahead of you! 693 00:45:57,755 --> 00:45:59,005 Your passport. 694 00:45:59,841 --> 00:46:03,510 Let me have your passport. This picture doesn't look like you. 695 00:46:03,678 --> 00:46:05,262 It don't look like me from the front, 696 00:46:05,346 --> 00:46:07,389 but go in the back of the boat, just like me. 697 00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:09,975 You're not Maurice Chevalier. 698 00:46:10,059 --> 00:46:11,726 No. Are you Maurice Chevalier? 699 00:46:11,811 --> 00:46:14,271 Well, there you are. Wait. I prove it. 700 00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:17,774 If a nightingale could sing like you 701 00:46:17,859 --> 00:46:20,986 He sing much better than you do and 702 00:46:21,070 --> 00:46:22,112 Out! 703 00:46:22,321 --> 00:46:23,321 No push me! 704 00:46:23,406 --> 00:46:24,406 Get out of here! 705 00:46:24,490 --> 00:46:27,117 Get back in line where you belong. Passport! 706 00:46:29,579 --> 00:46:31,455 This picture doesn't look like you. 707 00:46:31,581 --> 00:46:33,457 It doesn't look like you either. 708 00:46:33,541 --> 00:46:35,083 This man has no moustache. 709 00:46:35,209 --> 00:46:36,751 The barbershop wasn't open. 710 00:46:36,878 --> 00:46:38,378 Why, look at that face. 711 00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:40,005 Well, look at that face. 712 00:46:40,089 --> 00:46:42,674 Hey, are you going to identify yourself, or else... 713 00:46:42,758 --> 00:46:46,219 If a nightingale could sing like you 714 00:46:46,304 --> 00:46:48,972 They'd sing much sweeter than they do 715 00:46:49,348 --> 00:46:52,976 For you brought a new kind of love to me 716 00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:56,480 Out! Back in line where you belong! 717 00:47:01,611 --> 00:47:02,652 Get off there! 718 00:47:02,737 --> 00:47:04,738 Get off the table! 719 00:47:04,864 --> 00:47:06,907 What do you think this is here? 720 00:47:06,991 --> 00:47:08,700 Put that down! 721 00:47:08,868 --> 00:47:10,619 Lunatic! 722 00:47:13,247 --> 00:47:14,331 Stop that! 723 00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:15,601 You want to break that? 724 00:47:15,625 --> 00:47:17,959 Here, let it alone! 725 00:47:19,378 --> 00:47:23,798 Passport. I said passport, not pasteboard. 726 00:47:25,218 --> 00:47:30,013 Come on with that passport! Not washboard! 727 00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:31,932 Passport! 728 00:47:34,435 --> 00:47:36,478 Chevalier? 729 00:47:38,397 --> 00:47:42,692 If a nightingale could sing like you 730 00:47:42,777 --> 00:47:46,279 They'd sing much sweeter than they do 731 00:47:46,405 --> 00:47:51,243 For you brought a new kind of love to me 732 00:47:52,995 --> 00:47:57,123 And if the sandman brought me dreams of you 733 00:47:57,416 --> 00:48:01,920 I'd want to dream my whole life through 734 00:48:02,004 --> 00:48:06,591 For you brought a new kind of love to me 735 00:48:16,269 --> 00:48:17,769 Get him out of here! 736 00:48:18,312 --> 00:48:19,771 Put him back there where he belongs! 737 00:48:19,939 --> 00:48:21,356 Take it easy, folks. 738 00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:26,319 The gangplank is to the left, please. Don't crowd. Don't crowd. 739 00:48:26,862 --> 00:48:28,863 Take your time. Ladies first. 740 00:48:28,990 --> 00:48:31,032 Let me off the boat. I'm a sick man. 741 00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:32,158 I feel faint. 742 00:48:32,243 --> 00:48:33,262 I don't care, take your time. 743 00:48:33,286 --> 00:48:36,246 I tell you, I feel faint. I'm going to faint. 744 00:48:37,039 --> 00:48:38,373 Someone get a doctor! 745 00:48:38,499 --> 00:48:39,874 Somebody fainted. 746 00:48:40,501 --> 00:48:43,128 Where's a doctor? A doctor! I want a doctor! 747 00:48:43,212 --> 00:48:45,338 She's sick. We'll take care of you. 748 00:48:45,464 --> 00:48:47,632 Look, she's got a chill, cover her up. 749 00:48:48,926 --> 00:48:51,219 No, get off. Take her pulse. 750 00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:56,016 No purse, put it back. Pulse. I think you best take her temperature. 751 00:48:56,392 --> 00:48:58,977 That's good, we'll take care of you, lady. 752 00:48:59,061 --> 00:49:00,312 All right. 753 00:49:01,564 --> 00:49:04,858 You fools, I'm not the patient. 754 00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:07,777 We're not the doctor. Come on. 755 00:49:08,112 --> 00:49:10,447 Doctor! Is there a doctor on the boat? 756 00:49:10,740 --> 00:49:11,781 Doctor! 757 00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:14,159 Are you a doctor? 758 00:49:14,327 --> 00:49:15,762 Sure, I'm a doctor. Where's the horse? 759 00:49:15,786 --> 00:49:17,203 A man fainted over here. 760 00:49:17,330 --> 00:49:18,747 Man fainted? I'll soon fix him. 761 00:49:18,831 --> 00:49:21,374 Just my hard luck it couldn't be a woman. 762 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,298 Here's the doctor. 763 00:49:29,675 --> 00:49:31,926 Just as I thought, smoking too much. 764 00:49:32,011 --> 00:49:33,887 Here he is here, Doctor. 765 00:49:33,971 --> 00:49:36,139 Don't tell me. I'll find him myself. 766 00:49:42,897 --> 00:49:45,649 I can't do anything for that man. He's fainted. 767 00:49:46,150 --> 00:49:48,151 What he needs is an ocean voyage. 768 00:49:48,235 --> 00:49:51,613 In the meantime, get him off the boat and have his baggage examined. 769 00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:52,739 Gangway! 770 00:49:52,823 --> 00:49:54,449 You all get close so he won't recover. 771 00:49:54,533 --> 00:49:57,994 Right this way, please. Step right around here. 772 00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:05,168 Step lively down there. 773 00:50:20,101 --> 00:50:22,352 Back that ambulance in here! 774 00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:28,983 Hey! 775 00:50:35,157 --> 00:50:37,325 Helton's throwing his party tonight, 776 00:50:37,451 --> 00:50:39,661 and this time we blow the works. 777 00:50:40,121 --> 00:50:42,622 Now, you guys are going in as musicians. 778 00:50:43,249 --> 00:50:45,625 And stay that way until I give you the office. 779 00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:47,752 Say, what about those four guys in the house? 780 00:50:47,837 --> 00:50:49,421 The ones you said were on the boat. 781 00:50:49,505 --> 00:50:52,590 Don't worry about them. They eat out of my hand. 782 00:50:52,675 --> 00:50:57,053 The thing for you to worry about is that girl. Keep your eye on her. Get me? 783 00:50:57,138 --> 00:50:59,055 That ought be easy to take. 784 00:50:59,140 --> 00:51:00,181 Okay. 785 00:51:00,266 --> 00:51:02,475 Sit tight and I'll give you a call. 786 00:51:40,806 --> 00:51:43,558 Have you guys got an invitation? 787 00:51:43,642 --> 00:51:45,643 We give you invitation of Chevalier. 788 00:51:45,728 --> 00:51:49,647 When the nightingale sings like you 789 00:51:49,732 --> 00:51:54,110 Cut it out! And stay away from this door, see? 790 00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:10,043 Mary? 791 00:52:15,925 --> 00:52:19,636 You certainly had me worried. I thought you'd forgotten your own party. 792 00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:21,679 You haven't been doing all the worrying. 793 00:52:21,806 --> 00:52:23,765 I was afraid you wouldn't come. 794 00:52:34,527 --> 00:52:37,695 My, but, there are a lot of strange-looking people here. 795 00:52:54,547 --> 00:52:57,173 Ladies and gentlemen! Quiet, everybody. 796 00:52:57,758 --> 00:53:01,553 A lady's diamond earring has been lost. It looks exactly like this. 797 00:53:01,637 --> 00:53:03,304 In fact, this is it. 798 00:53:05,266 --> 00:53:06,474 I beg your pardon! 799 00:53:06,559 --> 00:53:08,852 How about you and I passing out on the veranda? 800 00:53:08,936 --> 00:53:10,436 Or would you rather pass out here? 801 00:53:10,521 --> 00:53:12,522 Sir, you have the advantage of me. 802 00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:15,608 Not yet, but wait till I get you outside. 803 00:53:15,693 --> 00:53:17,944 You're pretty fresh, aren't you? 804 00:53:18,028 --> 00:53:20,822 That's my wife and I don't like the way you're acting here. 805 00:53:20,906 --> 00:53:23,867 If you don't like our country, go back where you came from. 806 00:53:23,951 --> 00:53:25,910 I should sink that right in your scalp. 807 00:53:25,995 --> 00:53:28,288 Run for your life! The Indians are coming! What? 808 00:53:28,372 --> 00:53:31,124 Put your scalp in your pocket. Here. The Indians. 809 00:53:32,626 --> 00:53:34,544 Come here. I'll get him. 810 00:53:38,299 --> 00:53:41,175 Have a good time, kid. This is going to be a real party. 811 00:53:41,260 --> 00:53:44,095 Is this a party? The beer is warm, the women are cold... 812 00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:45,430 and I'm hot under the collar. 813 00:53:45,514 --> 00:53:48,641 In fact, a more poisonous little barbecue I've never attended. 814 00:53:48,726 --> 00:53:51,477 You're a funny kind of a duck, but I like you. 815 00:53:51,562 --> 00:53:54,063 You stuck by me, and I'll stick by you. 816 00:53:54,148 --> 00:53:56,858 Sheriff, I ain't much on flowery sentiments... 817 00:53:56,942 --> 00:53:59,110 but there's something I just got to tell you. 818 00:53:59,194 --> 00:54:01,779 Shucks, man, I'd be nothing but a poisonous varmint... 819 00:54:01,864 --> 00:54:03,948 and not fit to touch the hem of your pants... 820 00:54:04,033 --> 00:54:07,452 if I didn't tell you you've treated me square, mighty square... 821 00:54:07,536 --> 00:54:09,287 and I ain't forgetting. 822 00:54:13,709 --> 00:54:16,294 Sheriff, I ain't forgetting. 823 00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,592 Whoa, there, Bossie. Whoa, there! 824 00:54:34,355 --> 00:54:37,774 My friends, this is indeed a surprise. 825 00:54:39,193 --> 00:54:41,444 You couldn't have pleased me better. 826 00:54:41,612 --> 00:54:47,367 I want you to meet the sweetest little thing in the whole wide world. 827 00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:57,585 Hey. Yes, sir? 828 00:54:58,003 --> 00:55:01,547 No, it's special for Mr. Helton, sir. 829 00:55:01,632 --> 00:55:03,341 You see this? 830 00:55:11,100 --> 00:55:14,560 Come back in a half hour, and I'll give you another look at it. 831 00:55:25,114 --> 00:55:27,281 Listen. Keep your eye on Helton. 832 00:55:27,366 --> 00:55:30,118 We're gonna grab his daughter and take her to the old barn. 833 00:55:30,202 --> 00:55:32,578 Old barn? A fine tinhorn sport you are. 834 00:55:32,663 --> 00:55:36,040 With all the good shows in town, taking a girl to an old barn! 835 00:55:36,125 --> 00:55:39,127 Once we get a hold of that girl, he'll take orders from me. 836 00:55:39,211 --> 00:55:41,045 I'll show him... Enough small talk. 837 00:55:41,130 --> 00:55:42,338 Where's your wife, Lucille? 838 00:55:42,464 --> 00:55:43,673 Would you... 839 00:55:43,757 --> 00:55:45,591 Someone's coming. I'll be back. 840 00:55:45,676 --> 00:55:48,636 Be back next Thursday, and bring a specimen of your handwriting. 841 00:55:48,721 --> 00:55:50,555 And, above all, don't worry. 842 00:56:15,247 --> 00:56:16,748 What brought you here? 843 00:56:16,832 --> 00:56:20,251 It's midsummer madness. The music is in my temples... 844 00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:24,255 the hot blood of youth. Come, Kapellmeister. Let the violas throb. 845 00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,257 My regiment leaves at dawn. 846 00:57:01,627 --> 00:57:03,961 I guess my regiment can go without me. 847 00:57:07,216 --> 00:57:10,134 No, don't, my husband might be inside. 848 00:57:10,219 --> 00:57:12,220 If he finds me out here, he'll wallop me. 849 00:57:12,304 --> 00:57:14,180 Always thinking of your husband. 850 00:57:14,306 --> 00:57:16,265 Couldn't I wallop you just as well? 851 00:57:16,642 --> 00:57:19,310 I heard Alky talking about this party. 852 00:57:19,436 --> 00:57:21,979 I've dreamed of a night like this, I tell you. 853 00:57:22,064 --> 00:57:23,981 You tell me about some of your dreams. 854 00:57:24,066 --> 00:57:26,317 Dreams? I can't even sleep anymore, 855 00:57:26,485 --> 00:57:28,736 wondering who he's chasing around with. 856 00:57:28,821 --> 00:57:31,864 Why can't we break away from all this, just you and I... 857 00:57:31,949 --> 00:57:34,158 and lodge with my fleas in the hills? 858 00:57:34,326 --> 00:57:36,577 I mean, flee to my lodge in the hills. 859 00:57:36,662 --> 00:57:38,162 No, I couldn't think of it. 860 00:57:38,247 --> 00:57:41,082 Don't be afraid. You can join this lodge for a few pennies. 861 00:57:41,166 --> 00:57:43,668 You won't even have to take a physical examination... 862 00:57:43,752 --> 00:57:45,503 unless you insist on one. 863 00:57:46,839 --> 00:57:48,965 What a swell home life I've got. 864 00:57:50,509 --> 00:57:52,760 Why, I think I'd almost marry you 865 00:57:52,886 --> 00:57:55,179 to spite that double-crossing crook. 866 00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:58,558 Mrs. Briggs... 867 00:57:59,184 --> 00:58:02,436 I've known and respected your husband Alky for many years... 868 00:58:02,521 --> 00:58:05,648 and what's good enough for him is good enough for me. 869 00:58:14,783 --> 00:58:16,450 Emily! 870 00:58:17,536 --> 00:58:19,787 Henry, carefully, somebody may see us. 871 00:58:19,872 --> 00:58:21,622 I've been careful too long. 872 00:58:21,707 --> 00:58:24,458 Now that you've brought it up, how long have you been careful? 873 00:58:24,543 --> 00:58:27,420 They saw us! Be calm, Emily. I'll talk to them. 874 00:58:27,504 --> 00:58:29,213 You won't say anything about this? 875 00:58:29,298 --> 00:58:31,966 Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much? 876 00:58:32,050 --> 00:58:35,970 But you don't understand. You see, I'm not happy with my husband. 877 00:58:36,054 --> 00:58:38,139 He should've married some little housewife. 878 00:58:38,223 --> 00:58:41,601 Madam, I resent that. Some of my best friends are housewives. 879 00:58:43,854 --> 00:58:45,479 Now, see here, if you're going to... 880 00:58:45,564 --> 00:58:47,481 You're living in a fool's paradise. 881 00:58:47,566 --> 00:58:50,902 You intend to spend $10 to buy this woman a ring? Look at this. 882 00:58:50,986 --> 00:58:53,571 It's solid brass and $1.50 takes it away. 883 00:58:53,655 --> 00:58:56,782 I know it'll fit her. I got it from the nose of a savage. 884 00:58:56,867 --> 00:58:59,994 Well? $1.50. You can have it for $1. 885 00:59:00,746 --> 00:59:03,122 Fifty cents and not a nickel under. 886 00:59:03,207 --> 00:59:05,082 Now, my friends, what am I offered for 887 00:59:05,209 --> 00:59:07,043 this fine French piece of bric-a-brac? 888 00:59:07,127 --> 00:59:09,003 I know what it is to be unhappy. 889 00:59:09,087 --> 00:59:11,464 How do you think I feel? I'm stuck with this ring. 890 00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:14,258 I've been married for four years, four years of neglect... 891 00:59:14,343 --> 00:59:16,844 four years of battling, four years of heartbreaks. 892 00:59:16,929 --> 00:59:19,805 That makes 12 years. You must've been married in rompers. 893 00:59:19,890 --> 00:59:21,641 Mighty pretty country around there. 894 00:59:21,767 --> 00:59:23,517 Do you think you'll ever go back? 895 00:59:23,602 --> 00:59:25,436 Come here, babe. I like you. 896 00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,939 I shouldn't. What about my husband? 897 00:59:28,023 --> 00:59:30,942 That's all right. Maybe we can get a girl for him. 898 00:59:38,909 --> 00:59:40,368 Who was that? My wife? 899 00:59:40,452 --> 00:59:42,495 Married to her 12 years and you ask me? 900 00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:44,872 What're you doing here? I told you to spy on Helton. 901 00:59:44,957 --> 00:59:46,666 I did spy on him. What was he doing? 902 00:59:46,750 --> 00:59:48,709 He was spying on me. Did he see you? 903 00:59:48,794 --> 00:59:51,712 No. I was too foxy for him. All he could do was spy on me. 904 00:59:51,797 --> 00:59:54,507 Well, get back in there. We're all set to cop his girl. 905 00:59:54,591 --> 00:59:55,967 Okay, chief. 906 01:00:18,407 --> 01:00:21,409 They got some good stuff outside. You want a drink? 907 01:00:25,914 --> 01:00:28,165 Ready, boys? Let's go. 908 01:01:17,549 --> 01:01:19,050 Beat you that time. 909 01:02:18,693 --> 01:02:21,153 Very swell. Let me get you some punch. 910 01:02:21,238 --> 01:02:22,947 I'd love it. 911 01:02:32,999 --> 01:02:34,834 Just what I needed. 912 01:02:48,807 --> 01:02:51,183 Well, how's it coming, kid? 913 01:02:51,268 --> 01:02:52,560 Got everything you want? 914 01:02:52,644 --> 01:02:54,437 Sure, how about a job for my grandfather? 915 01:02:54,521 --> 01:02:56,147 Your grandfather, what does he do? 916 01:02:56,314 --> 01:02:58,065 He puts cheese in the mousetraps. 917 01:02:58,150 --> 01:03:00,401 Why, we haven't got any mice here. 918 01:03:00,485 --> 01:03:02,611 He brings his own mice with him. 919 01:03:17,461 --> 01:03:19,462 You know, Mary, everyone seems to be 920 01:03:19,588 --> 01:03:21,630 having nearly as much fun as I am. 921 01:03:22,007 --> 01:03:25,634 I beg your pardon, but there's someone to see you, Miss Helton. 922 01:03:26,219 --> 01:03:27,659 Pardon me, and I'll hurry right back. 923 01:03:27,762 --> 01:03:29,180 Surely. 924 01:03:49,493 --> 01:03:51,494 No, you're wrong, girls, you're wrong. 925 01:03:51,578 --> 01:03:54,872 In the first place, Gary Cooper is much taller than I am. 926 01:03:55,582 --> 01:03:58,959 I wish you'd announce this singer. I can't make out the name. 927 01:03:59,044 --> 01:04:01,128 Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to announce... 928 01:04:01,213 --> 01:04:04,340 that the buffet will be served in the next room in five minutes. 929 01:04:04,424 --> 01:04:06,133 To get you in that room quickly... 930 01:04:06,218 --> 01:04:09,345 Mrs. Schmalhausen will sing a soprano solo in this room. 931 01:06:41,748 --> 01:06:44,124 That's no good. You wanna get thrown out again? 932 01:06:44,209 --> 01:06:46,460 Play something nice. I tell you what you play. 933 01:06:46,544 --> 01:06:48,337 Play... 934 01:06:54,469 --> 01:06:55,552 That's it. 935 01:06:55,637 --> 01:06:58,972 That's beautiful. That's magnifico. I like that. 936 01:09:03,223 --> 01:09:06,058 Mary! They've kidnapped her! 937 01:09:06,184 --> 01:09:07,476 Who's been kidnapped? 938 01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:10,270 Mary, my daughter! Do something! 939 01:09:10,355 --> 01:09:11,688 But who could've done it? 940 01:09:11,773 --> 01:09:15,567 It's that Alky Briggs! You saw them drag her into the car. 941 01:09:15,652 --> 01:09:17,945 Where did they take her? 942 01:09:18,029 --> 01:09:20,280 First, they blindfolded me and then they... 943 01:09:20,365 --> 01:09:22,366 Of course, they took her to the barn. 944 01:09:22,450 --> 01:09:25,619 Fellows, let's all pack up a lunch and go down to the old barn. 945 01:09:25,703 --> 01:09:28,080 Fred, you go down to the North Road. 946 01:09:28,206 --> 01:09:30,624 Jack, you head down by Front Street. 947 01:09:31,251 --> 01:09:33,001 I'll go pick up a couple of the boys. 948 01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:35,504 And I'll take care of picking up a couple of dames. 949 01:09:35,588 --> 01:09:37,631 Women? This is no time for women. 950 01:09:37,715 --> 01:09:39,216 On to the barn! 951 01:09:41,970 --> 01:09:43,762 Gee, I wish I had a horse. 952 01:09:48,059 --> 01:09:49,935 Hurry it up, boys. 953 01:09:50,395 --> 01:09:51,645 Come on. 954 01:09:57,068 --> 01:09:59,903 Let me go! 955 01:10:00,071 --> 01:10:03,282 No use yelling, kid. Nobody will hear you in here. 956 01:10:03,408 --> 01:10:05,492 You wait till my father hears about this! 957 01:10:05,577 --> 01:10:08,662 He's gonna hear about it because I'm gonna tell him myself. 958 01:10:08,746 --> 01:10:10,289 Take it easy! 959 01:10:10,373 --> 01:10:13,208 You're not going anyplace. Don't get all excited. Come on. 960 01:10:13,293 --> 01:10:15,627 You take your hands off of me! 961 01:10:15,712 --> 01:10:17,671 Listen, kid. Nobody's gonna hurt you. 962 01:10:17,755 --> 01:10:20,132 You'll be out in an hour if your dad comes through. 963 01:10:20,216 --> 01:10:22,319 Butch, you take care of the girl while I telephone Joe. 964 01:10:22,343 --> 01:10:24,386 Come on, you guys. 965 01:10:36,441 --> 01:10:38,442 You take your hands off of me! 966 01:10:39,652 --> 01:10:42,487 Now, make yourself at home, but shut up! 967 01:10:51,456 --> 01:10:52,956 $1.10. 968 01:10:53,082 --> 01:10:54,583 Here's $1. Keep the change. 969 01:10:54,667 --> 01:10:56,251 But I said $1.10. 970 01:10:56,377 --> 01:10:57,961 Give me $1. I'll keep the change. 971 01:10:58,046 --> 01:11:00,130 That's a half a dollar I owe you. 972 01:11:08,222 --> 01:11:10,724 You call this a barn? This looks like a stable. 973 01:11:10,808 --> 01:11:13,435 It looks like a barn but smells like a stable. 974 01:11:13,519 --> 01:11:15,771 Well, let's just look at it. 975 01:11:15,939 --> 01:11:18,106 Get out of here! 976 01:11:18,274 --> 01:11:20,150 Have you got a girl in that hayloft? 977 01:11:20,234 --> 01:11:21,318 No! 978 01:11:21,402 --> 01:11:23,028 You're a bigger fool than I thought. 979 01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:24,696 Beat it, I tell you! 980 01:11:24,822 --> 01:11:26,156 What'd you say? 981 01:11:26,324 --> 01:11:27,658 I said beat it! 982 01:11:30,703 --> 01:11:32,079 Pardon me. What did you say? 983 01:11:32,205 --> 01:11:33,622 I said beat it! 984 01:11:33,706 --> 01:11:34,873 He said beat it. 985 01:11:34,958 --> 01:11:38,043 Gee, I wish I'd said that. Everybody's repeating it. 986 01:11:38,127 --> 01:11:40,796 I'm coming down there and get you! 987 01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:42,631 Don't bother. We'll come right up. 988 01:11:42,715 --> 01:11:44,383 Come on. I'm going in to get him. 989 01:11:57,480 --> 01:12:01,358 Here we are at the old barn, all set for a nice picnic lunch. 990 01:12:01,442 --> 01:12:04,653 Gosh, the picnic is off, we haven't got any red ants. 991 01:12:04,737 --> 01:12:07,531 I know an Indian who's got a couple of Red aunts. 992 01:12:07,615 --> 01:12:09,908 Don't you think we'd better go look for the girl? 993 01:12:09,993 --> 01:12:12,786 Let's wait till we eat, there's hardly enough lunch for two. 994 01:12:12,870 --> 01:12:16,373 I don't see why she couldn't get kidnapped near a restaurant. 995 01:12:16,874 --> 01:12:18,333 Some dark night, I think I'll come 996 01:12:18,418 --> 01:12:20,544 and lay for you if the hens don't get sore. 997 01:12:22,714 --> 01:12:23,797 Here. 998 01:12:23,923 --> 01:12:27,217 Go over to that filling station and get some milk. Grade-A. 999 01:12:30,638 --> 01:12:32,723 Well, come on. Where's the milk? 1000 01:12:32,807 --> 01:12:35,183 There's a customer ahead of me. 1001 01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:38,562 Hey! 1002 01:12:39,564 --> 01:12:41,231 What are you doing here? 1003 01:12:41,315 --> 01:12:43,775 What are we doing? What about you, kidnapping a girl? 1004 01:12:43,901 --> 01:12:45,569 Old-fashioned piece of melodrama... 1005 01:12:45,653 --> 01:12:48,947 kidnapping a girl! You've been reading too many dime novels. 1006 01:12:49,073 --> 01:12:51,742 Go on. You get him. I'll wait for you outside. 1007 01:12:52,410 --> 01:12:54,036 Keep out of this loft! 1008 01:12:54,162 --> 01:12:55,871 It's better to have loft and lost 1009 01:12:55,997 --> 01:12:57,456 than never to have loft at all. 1010 01:12:57,540 --> 01:12:58,540 Nice work. 1011 01:12:58,666 --> 01:13:00,292 Beat it, or I'll throw you out! 1012 01:13:31,240 --> 01:13:32,680 Take your face out of my foot! 1013 01:13:32,784 --> 01:13:34,201 I gotcha! 1014 01:13:42,919 --> 01:13:47,047 So, thought we were afraid? Thought we were afraid, did you? 1015 01:13:52,512 --> 01:13:55,222 Now I'm gonna give it to you guys right! 1016 01:14:11,114 --> 01:14:13,115 Butch! What happened? 1017 01:14:13,783 --> 01:14:14,825 Hey! 1018 01:14:15,660 --> 01:14:17,577 You, get out of that loft! 1019 01:14:22,083 --> 01:14:23,667 Butch, what happened? 1020 01:14:24,585 --> 01:14:26,128 Come up here, Butch. 1021 01:14:33,553 --> 01:14:35,011 Where's all those farmers' daughters 1022 01:14:35,096 --> 01:14:37,013 I've been hearing about for years? 1023 01:14:43,354 --> 01:14:46,940 Why don't you boys fight over there? You want to break my glasses? 1024 01:14:48,568 --> 01:14:50,026 Come on, folks. Step right up. 1025 01:14:50,111 --> 01:14:52,696 Only 10 cents a chance. Attaboy! Here you are. 1026 01:14:52,780 --> 01:14:55,574 Ten cents gets you in the only game in the stable. 1027 01:14:55,658 --> 01:14:58,201 Let's see. Number 16 wins. And the lucky number. 1028 01:14:58,286 --> 01:15:01,997 There you are, young man. Sorry you didn't get a better one. 1029 01:15:03,583 --> 01:15:04,958 Here we go! 1030 01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:09,462 Let's see what comes up. Well, if he isn't the lucky guy. Double 0. 1031 01:15:09,547 --> 01:15:11,423 Two shots for the price of one. 1032 01:15:11,549 --> 01:15:13,466 Folks, this is the best game in all... 1033 01:15:15,845 --> 01:15:18,096 You're a mother, you understand. 1034 01:15:18,181 --> 01:15:19,616 How would you like to have somebody... 1035 01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:22,475 steal one of your heifers? I know, heifer cow is better than none... 1036 01:15:22,560 --> 01:15:25,854 but this is no time for puns. Get in that battle over there. 1037 01:15:28,649 --> 01:15:30,233 Here we are again at the ringside, 1038 01:15:30,359 --> 01:15:31,902 and it looks like a great battle. 1039 01:15:31,986 --> 01:15:34,404 Now the boys are locked in the center of the ring. 1040 01:15:34,488 --> 01:15:37,991 What a grudge fight. Zowie! Zowie! Zowie! 1041 01:15:38,075 --> 01:15:41,077 That makes three Zowies, and a man gets a base on balls. 1042 01:15:41,162 --> 01:15:45,123 Ending of the first inning. No runs, no errors, but plenty of hits. 1043 01:15:48,961 --> 01:15:51,087 This program comes to you courtesy of 1044 01:15:51,172 --> 01:15:52,672 the Golden Goose Furniture Company... 1045 01:15:52,757 --> 01:15:57,052 125th Street, 125th Street and 125th Street. 1046 01:15:57,136 --> 01:15:59,804 You furnish the girl, we tar and feather your nest. 1047 01:15:59,889 --> 01:16:02,182 Look for our advertisement in today's ash can. 1048 01:16:02,266 --> 01:16:05,644 Now the boys are at it in the center of the ring! Oh! That one hurt! 1049 01:16:05,728 --> 01:16:08,104 Come on, you palookas! Stop stalling! 1050 01:16:08,272 --> 01:16:10,649 Oh, mama, if I only had my youth again. 1051 01:16:23,204 --> 01:16:24,579 Round two. 1052 01:16:27,208 --> 01:16:28,875 Both boys are fiddling in the ring, 1053 01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:30,710 and I don't think much of the tune. 1054 01:16:30,795 --> 01:16:32,295 Briggs is bobbing and weaving. 1055 01:16:32,380 --> 01:16:34,130 It's nice work if you can get it. 1056 01:16:34,257 --> 01:16:36,007 Now they're trying. Very trying. 1057 01:16:36,092 --> 01:16:37,592 I copped that one from an almanac. 1058 01:16:37,677 --> 01:16:41,221 Now they're in the center of the ring, and the crowd hurrahs. 1059 01:16:56,612 --> 01:16:57,988 Oh, Dad! 1060 01:16:59,240 --> 01:17:01,116 Are you all right, honey? 1061 01:17:02,660 --> 01:17:06,579 Good boy. Remember, old Joe Helton never forgot a friend. 1062 01:17:06,664 --> 01:17:09,374 This is one job that certainly was a pleasure. 1063 01:17:11,127 --> 01:17:12,836 What are you doing? 1064 01:17:12,962 --> 01:17:14,671 I'm looking for a needle in a hay stack.