1 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,617 Mrs. Teasdale? - Yes, Your Excellency? - I again ask you to reconsider. 2 00:01:39,804 --> 00:01:44,251 Gentlemen, I've already loaned Freedonia over half my fortune. 3 00:01:44,475 --> 00:01:49,918 I consider that money lost, and now you're asking for another $20 million. 4 00:01:50,982 --> 00:01:53,340 Only to meet this present emergency. 5 00:01:53,568 --> 00:01:57,018 With $20 million, we can announce a reduction in taxes. 6 00:01:57,238 --> 00:02:01,270 That's all the people ask. - I'm inclined to agree with them. 7 00:02:01,492 --> 00:02:03,732 The government has been mismanaged. - What? 8 00:02:03,953 --> 00:02:09,230 I will lend the money, but only if His Excellency withdraws. 9 00:02:09,459 --> 00:02:13,324 You ask me to give up my office? - Yes. In a crisis like this, 10 00:02:13,546 --> 00:02:17,329 Freedonia needs a new leader, a progressive fighter, 11 00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:19,743 a man like Rufus T. Firefly! 12 00:02:19,969 --> 00:02:22,043 Rufus T. Firefly! 13 00:02:22,263 --> 00:02:26,876 I'll lend the money to Freedonia, only if Firefly is appointed leader! 14 00:02:50,375 --> 00:02:54,074 The Honorable Secretary of Finance and Parking! 15 00:03:03,179 --> 00:03:07,424 His Excellency, Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania! 16 00:03:14,857 --> 00:03:17,216 Ambassador. - Mrs. Teasdale. 17 00:03:18,361 --> 00:03:22,096 I'm anxious for you to meet our new leader. 18 00:03:22,323 --> 00:03:27,814 No matter who rules Freedonia, to me you will always be the First Lady. 19 00:03:28,037 --> 00:03:31,986 Permit me... Vera Marcal, Ambassador Trentino. 20 00:03:32,208 --> 00:03:36,620 I've seen Miss Marcal dance many times at the theater. - Thanks. 21 00:03:38,089 --> 00:03:42,832 The Honorable Pandooh of Mufhtan! - I must greet His Honor. 22 00:03:49,017 --> 00:03:51,708 What have you found out? - Nothing. 23 00:03:51,936 --> 00:03:54,544 I've given up on the revolution. I have a better plan. 24 00:03:55,148 --> 00:03:59,677 I can control Freedonia easier by marrying Mrs. Teasdale. 25 00:03:59,902 --> 00:04:03,388 Maybe that's not so easy. From what I hear, 26 00:04:03,614 --> 00:04:06,981 Mrs. Teasdale is rather sweet on this Rufus T. Firefly. 27 00:04:07,201 --> 00:04:10,438 That's where you come in. I place him in your hands. 28 00:04:10,663 --> 00:04:13,948 I don't have to tell you what to do... Careful! 29 00:04:15,877 --> 00:04:19,161 I want you to meet His Excellency's secretary Bob Roland. 30 00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:21,489 Ambassador Trentino... 31 00:04:21,716 --> 00:04:23,909 Miss Marcal. - We've met. 32 00:04:24,135 --> 00:04:27,004 I hope His Excellency gets here soon. 33 00:04:27,221 --> 00:04:29,829 He makes it a point to be on time. 34 00:04:30,058 --> 00:04:32,546 He's never been late for an appointment. 35 00:04:32,769 --> 00:04:36,420 His Excellency is due to take his station, 36 00:04:36,647 --> 00:04:39,967 beginning his new administration. 37 00:04:40,193 --> 00:04:46,513 He'll make his appearance when the clock on the wall strikes ten. 38 00:04:46,741 --> 00:04:50,226 When the clock on the wall strikes ten, 39 00:04:50,453 --> 00:04:54,437 all you loyal ladies and you patriotic men, 40 00:04:54,666 --> 00:05:01,580 let's sing the national anthem when the clock on the wall strikes ten. 41 00:05:09,514 --> 00:05:13,130 His Excellency is due to take his station, 42 00:05:13,351 --> 00:05:16,468 beginning his new administration. 43 00:05:16,688 --> 00:05:22,309 He'll make his appearance when the clock on the wall strikes ten. 44 00:05:30,076 --> 00:05:34,024 We'll give him a rousing cheer to show him we're glad he's here. 45 00:05:34,344 --> 00:05:39,297 Hail, hail Freedonia... 46 00:05:44,298 --> 00:05:48,698 Hail, hail Freedonia. 47 00:05:49,303 --> 00:05:54,903 Land of the brave and free. 48 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,517 You expecting somebody? - Yes. 49 00:06:53,968 --> 00:06:56,540 Your Excellency... 50 00:06:56,763 --> 00:07:00,462 We've been expecting you. As chairwoman of the committee 51 00:07:00,683 --> 00:07:03,754 I extend the good wishes of the people of Freedonia. 52 00:07:03,978 --> 00:07:07,381 Never mind. Take a card. - What do I do with a card? 53 00:07:07,607 --> 00:07:10,262 Keep it. I've got 51 left. Now what were you saying? 54 00:07:10,485 --> 00:07:14,599 As chairwoman, I welcome you with open arms. 55 00:07:14,822 --> 00:07:17,062 How late do you stay open? 56 00:07:17,283 --> 00:07:22,478 I've sponsored you, because you're Freedonia's most able statesman. 57 00:07:22,705 --> 00:07:25,823 That covers a lot of ground. You cover a lot of ground, too. 58 00:07:26,042 --> 00:07:29,492 You better beat it or they'll tear you down and put up offices. 59 00:07:29,712 --> 00:07:34,325 You can leave in a taxi. If not, you can leave in a huff. 60 00:07:34,550 --> 00:07:38,618 You don't stop talking. You must be vaccinated with a phonograph needle. 61 00:07:38,846 --> 00:07:41,917 The future of Freedonia rests on you. 62 00:07:42,141 --> 00:07:46,173 Promise me you'll follow in the footsteps of my husband. 63 00:07:46,395 --> 00:07:50,344 I haven't been on the job 5 minutes, and she's making advances to me. 64 00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:53,928 But where is your husband? - Why, he's dead. 65 00:07:54,153 --> 00:07:58,398 I bet he's using that as an excuse. - I was with him till the very end. 66 00:07:58,616 --> 00:08:03,561 No wonder he died. - I held him in my arms and kissed him. 67 00:08:03,788 --> 00:08:06,905 It was murder! - Will you marry me? Did he leave you money? 68 00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:10,279 Answer the second question first. - He left me his fortune. 69 00:08:10,503 --> 00:08:13,787 Is that so? I'm trying to tell you I love you. 70 00:08:14,006 --> 00:08:18,335 Oh, Your Excellency... - You're not so bad yourself. 71 00:08:18,845 --> 00:08:23,173 I want to present you Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania. 72 00:08:23,391 --> 00:08:25,583 His presence is a great pleasure. 73 00:08:25,810 --> 00:08:29,758 I can't stay very long. - Even a greater pleasure. 74 00:08:29,981 --> 00:08:34,344 How about lending us $20 million, skinflint? - That's a lot of money. 75 00:08:34,569 --> 00:08:39,347 I'll take that up with the Finance Minister. - Then could I have $12? 76 00:08:39,574 --> 00:08:43,474 $12? - On my 90-day note. If it isn't paid back, 77 00:08:43,703 --> 00:08:45,527 you can keep the note. 78 00:08:45,746 --> 00:08:48,616 Your Excellency, haven't we seen each other before? 79 00:08:48,833 --> 00:08:52,236 I'm not sure I'm seeing you now. It must be something I ate. 80 00:08:52,462 --> 00:08:57,573 Are you trying ... - Don't look now. There's one man too many here, 81 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,411 and I think it's you. 82 00:08:59,635 --> 00:09:01,378 I'm so sorry. 83 00:09:02,805 --> 00:09:05,923 I want you to meet a charming lady. - It's about time. 84 00:09:06,142 --> 00:09:08,216 Just a moment... 85 00:09:08,644 --> 00:09:10,255 I want to present Vera Marcal... 86 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:14,131 Go ahead. I can take it. - You don't understand. 87 00:09:14,358 --> 00:09:17,762 Vera Marcal, the famous dancer. - Really? 88 00:09:17,987 --> 00:09:19,847 Can you do this one? 89 00:09:22,825 --> 00:09:25,979 I danced before Napoleon. No, he danced before me. 90 00:09:26,204 --> 00:09:29,358 200 years before me. Here's one I picked up in a dancehall. 91 00:09:32,585 --> 00:09:35,276 Here's another one I picked up in a dancehall. 92 00:09:36,130 --> 00:09:39,995 Perhaps we get a chance to dance together? 93 00:09:40,218 --> 00:09:42,541 I could dance with you till the cows come home. 94 00:09:42,762 --> 00:09:45,749 On second thought, I'd rather you came home. 95 00:09:46,307 --> 00:09:49,461 Where's my secretary? - Here I am! - Good heavens! 96 00:09:49,685 --> 00:09:53,219 Take a letter. - Who to? - To my dentist. 97 00:09:53,523 --> 00:09:58,800 "Dear Dentist, Enclosed find check for $500." Send it off now. 98 00:09:59,028 --> 00:10:02,146 I'll have to enclose a check first. - You do and I'll fire you. 99 00:10:02,465 --> 00:10:06,283 Your Excellency, the eyes of the world are upon you. 100 00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:09,877 Notables from every country are gathered in your honor. 101 00:10:10,097 --> 00:10:15,374 This is a gala day for you. - A gal a day is enough for me. 102 00:10:16,156 --> 00:10:18,251 I don't think I could handle any more. 103 00:10:18,472 --> 00:10:22,919 For our information, just for illustration, 104 00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:28,338 tell us how you intend to run the nation. 105 00:10:28,566 --> 00:10:33,262 These are the laws of my administration: 106 00:10:33,487 --> 00:10:38,100 No one's allowed to smoke, or tell a dirty joke, and whistling's forbidden. 107 00:10:38,325 --> 00:10:41,645 We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke. 108 00:10:41,954 --> 00:10:44,645 Hail, hail Freedonia. 109 00:10:44,874 --> 00:10:49,570 If gum is chewed, the chewer's pursued and in the hoosegow hidden. 110 00:10:49,795 --> 00:10:52,237 If we should choose to chew, we'll be pursued. 111 00:10:52,715 --> 00:10:55,453 If any form of pleasure is exhibited, 112 00:10:55,676 --> 00:10:58,035 report to me, and it will be prohibited. 113 00:10:58,429 --> 00:11:01,416 I'll put my foot down, so shall it be. 114 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,794 This is the land of the free! 115 00:11:05,269 --> 00:11:08,042 The last man nearly ruined this place. 116 00:11:08,272 --> 00:11:12,552 If you think this country's bad off, just wait till I get through with it. 117 00:11:16,155 --> 00:11:18,846 The country's taxes must be fixed. 118 00:11:19,075 --> 00:11:22,359 If you think you're paying too much, wait till I get through with it. 119 00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:31,536 I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair. 120 00:11:31,754 --> 00:11:34,741 I'm strictly on the up and up, so everyone beware. 121 00:11:34,965 --> 00:11:38,001 If anyone's caught taking graft, and I don't get my share, 122 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:41,503 we stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel. 123 00:11:41,722 --> 00:11:44,544 So everyone beware, who's crooked or unfair. 124 00:11:44,767 --> 00:11:48,087 No one must take a bit of graft, unless he gets his share. 125 00:11:50,981 --> 00:11:53,589 If any man should come between a husband and his bride, 126 00:11:53,818 --> 00:11:56,639 we find out which one she prefers by letting her decide. 127 00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:59,933 If she prefers the other man, the husband steps outside. 128 00:12:00,157 --> 00:12:03,809 We stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel. 129 00:12:06,872 --> 00:12:09,824 The husband steps outside, relinquishes his bride. 130 00:12:10,042 --> 00:12:13,196 We stand him up against the wall and take him for a ride. 131 00:12:13,421 --> 00:12:16,016 You have an appointment at the House of Representatives. 132 00:12:16,850 --> 00:12:20,502 You can't go with your trousers up! - I can't, eh? 133 00:12:20,729 --> 00:12:24,464 They'll never catch me any other way! My car! 134 00:12:24,691 --> 00:12:27,217 His Excellency's car! 135 00:12:27,444 --> 00:12:29,186 His Excellency's car! 136 00:12:50,050 --> 00:12:52,871 I'm in a hurry. Ride like fury. 137 00:12:53,095 --> 00:12:56,212 If you run out of gas, get Ethel... If Ethel runs out, get Mabel! 138 00:13:04,857 --> 00:13:07,726 Feels good to be back again. 139 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,843 I've failed, Ambassador. - I know! 140 00:13:26,010 --> 00:13:28,365 I'm sorry. - You have muddled everything. 141 00:13:28,511 --> 00:13:31,748 If you'd started the revolution as I planned, 142 00:13:31,967 --> 00:13:35,908 I could have stepped in and placed Freedonia under the Sylvanian flag. 143 00:13:36,075 --> 00:13:38,123 But Firefly blocked us. 144 00:13:38,349 --> 00:13:42,546 You have no idea how popular he is. - I've known of that, too. 145 00:13:42,770 --> 00:13:47,181 I have 2 spies shadowing him. I want to find out something 146 00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:50,470 to discredit him with the people. 147 00:13:50,694 --> 00:13:53,219 Chicolini and Pinky are here. 148 00:13:53,447 --> 00:13:57,016 These are my spies. Show them in. Wait outside. 149 00:14:04,935 --> 00:14:06,368 We fooled you good! 150 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,561 Gentlemen! 151 00:14:16,792 --> 00:14:20,586 What is this? - This is spy stuff. 152 00:14:26,981 --> 00:14:29,339 Telegram for you... 153 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,442 He gets mad, because he can't read. - I see. 154 00:14:36,561 --> 00:14:39,068 We have serious matters to discuss. 155 00:14:39,189 --> 00:14:41,844 Please, be seated. - Rock-a-bye... 156 00:14:42,066 --> 00:14:46,903 Gentlemen... - Wait. Here, have a cigar. 157 00:14:47,736 --> 00:14:52,234 A quarter cigar. I smoked the rest. - No, thanks. I have my own. 158 00:14:52,452 --> 00:14:55,143 Here, try one of these. 159 00:14:56,206 --> 00:14:58,363 It's no good. 160 00:15:05,173 --> 00:15:06,997 That's a good one. 161 00:15:13,431 --> 00:15:17,847 Now let's concentrate. Have you been trailing Firefly? 162 00:15:17,977 --> 00:15:22,507 Have we been trailing him? My partner has a nose like a bloodhound. 163 00:15:22,732 --> 00:15:26,016 Really? - The rest of his face don't look so good either. 164 00:15:27,362 --> 00:15:32,142 We find out all about this Firefly. Look at this. - Very good. 165 00:15:32,283 --> 00:15:34,642 We must not be disturbed. 166 00:15:36,621 --> 00:15:40,653 This is an important conference. I do not wish to be interrupted. 167 00:15:40,875 --> 00:15:42,061 Yes, sir. 168 00:15:45,832 --> 00:15:49,354 Gentlemen, we are not getting anywhere. 169 00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:55,130 Out! 170 00:15:58,101 --> 00:16:03,177 Please, will you tell me what you found out about Firefly! 171 00:16:03,398 --> 00:16:06,967 You gave us a picture of this man to follow? - Yes! 172 00:16:07,193 --> 00:16:12,269 We get on the job right away. And in even less than one hour... - Yes? 173 00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:15,098 We lose him. Pretty quick work, huh? 174 00:16:15,326 --> 00:16:18,278 I asked you to dig up something. Did you bring me 175 00:16:18,402 --> 00:16:19,840 his record? 176 00:16:20,915 --> 00:16:22,515 No! No! 177 00:16:25,753 --> 00:16:28,361 And the boy gets a cigar. 178 00:16:31,342 --> 00:16:35,208 Chicolini, I want a full, detailed report! 179 00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:39,710 Alright: Monday we watch Firefly's house, but he no come out. 180 00:16:39,934 --> 00:16:43,171 He wasn't home. Tuesday we go to a ballgame, but he fool us. 181 00:16:43,396 --> 00:16:46,514 Wednesday he go to the ballgame, be we fool him. 182 00:16:46,733 --> 00:16:50,349 We no show up. Thursday, nobody show up. 183 00:16:50,570 --> 00:16:54,637 Friday there was no ballgame, so we listen to it over the radio. 184 00:16:54,866 --> 00:16:59,728 Then you didn't shadow Firefly? - Sure, we shadow him all day. 185 00:16:59,954 --> 00:17:02,082 When? - Shadow day. 186 00:17:02,182 --> 00:17:04,571 That's some joke, eh, boss? 187 00:17:05,752 --> 00:17:08,822 What happened on Saturday? 188 00:17:09,047 --> 00:17:12,248 Glad you asked. We follow this man down to a roadhouse. 189 00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:16,036 He meet a married lady. - A married lady? - His wife... 190 00:17:16,262 --> 00:17:19,463 Firefly has no wife. - No? - No! 191 00:17:19,682 --> 00:17:23,298 You know what I think, boss? - What? - We followed the wrong man. 192 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,254 Gentlemen, I am disappointed. 193 00:17:27,751 --> 00:17:31,762 I entrusted you with a mission, and you've failed. 194 00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:35,271 But I'm giving you one more chance. 195 00:17:35,490 --> 00:17:41,693 I have credentials here that will get you into any place in Freedonia. 196 00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:44,523 Ah, here we are. 197 00:17:44,749 --> 00:17:47,736 Are you sure you can trap Firefly? 198 00:17:50,964 --> 00:17:55,576 This time I expect results. Good luck. 199 00:17:56,803 --> 00:17:59,209 Come on, Pinky. - Goodbye. 200 00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:26,764 The meeting's called to order. 201 00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:31,786 The Treasury Department's report. I hope you find it clear. 202 00:18:32,005 --> 00:18:36,072 Clear? A 4-year-old child could understand it. 203 00:18:36,384 --> 00:18:39,787 Find me a 4-year-old-child. I can't make head or tail of it. 204 00:18:40,472 --> 00:18:43,542 Members of the Cabinet, we'll take up all business. 205 00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:46,837 I wish to discuss the tarif. - That's new business. 206 00:18:47,185 --> 00:18:51,207 No old business? You may take up new business. - That tarif... 207 00:18:51,311 --> 00:18:53,790 Too late. That's already old business. 208 00:18:54,527 --> 00:18:58,291 As your Secretary of War... - Out of order! 209 00:18:58,417 --> 00:19:01,232 Which reminds me, so is the plumbing. Make a note of that. 210 00:19:01,451 --> 00:19:03,608 Never mind. I'll do it myself. 211 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:10,149 The workers of Freedonia are demanding shorter hours. 212 00:19:10,371 --> 00:19:14,236 We'll start by cutting their lunch hour to 20 minutes. 213 00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:18,962 We must look for a new treasurer. - You appointed one last week. 214 00:19:19,062 --> 00:19:20,622 I'm looking for him. 215 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:24,938 Enough of this! How about taking up the tax? 216 00:19:25,084 --> 00:19:28,335 How about taking up the carpet? - We must take up the tax! 217 00:19:28,556 --> 00:19:31,673 Right. You've gotta take up the tacks before you take up the carpet. 218 00:19:32,059 --> 00:19:34,964 I give all my energy to my duties, and what do I get? 219 00:19:35,188 --> 00:19:36,930 Awfully tiresome. 220 00:19:37,148 --> 00:19:41,048 You try my patience. - You must try mine sometime. 221 00:19:41,277 --> 00:19:45,724 That's the last straw! I resign! I wash my hands of the whole business! 222 00:19:45,948 --> 00:19:48,520 Good idea. You can wash your neck, too. 223 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,400 Peanuts! 224 00:20:05,282 --> 00:20:07,190 Hey, come here! 225 00:20:07,451 --> 00:20:12,479 Just the guy I wanna see. What did you find out about Firefly? 226 00:20:12,706 --> 00:20:15,777 Find out something? No find out something? 227 00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:18,692 You spy on him? No spy on him? 228 00:20:19,421 --> 00:20:23,666 What's the matter, you no say nothing? What's the matter you no speak? 229 00:20:24,552 --> 00:20:28,915 Stop this! What do you find? 230 00:20:29,890 --> 00:20:34,633 You acting crazy! Come here. What're you making a face like this? 231 00:20:34,854 --> 00:20:38,220 What's the matter? You wanna fight? 232 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,099 I give you a fight. 233 00:20:40,317 --> 00:20:42,593 Up the stairs, no downstairs! 234 00:20:43,571 --> 00:20:44,933 Come on! 235 00:20:45,656 --> 00:20:47,019 Who do you think you are? 236 00:20:58,335 --> 00:21:02,236 What's the idea, fighting here and driving away my customers! 237 00:21:02,465 --> 00:21:03,910 You got a mistake. 238 00:21:04,133 --> 00:21:07,085 Ain't no fight. This guy's working for me. 239 00:21:07,303 --> 00:21:11,037 He tells me nothing. I ask, why you no speak. 240 00:21:11,265 --> 00:21:15,166 He make a fight like this. - What's the idea? 241 00:21:15,394 --> 00:21:19,758 That's his idea. I say something, he say nothing. 242 00:21:19,982 --> 00:21:22,101 Every time I speak... - Will you shut up! 243 00:21:23,444 --> 00:21:26,598 What're you doing around here? 244 00:21:26,822 --> 00:21:28,730 Who are you? 245 00:21:29,408 --> 00:21:33,191 Can't you say... Can't you say anything? 246 00:21:33,412 --> 00:21:36,150 He say nothing... - Shut up! - I am shut up! 247 00:21:36,373 --> 00:21:39,527 You no understand. He and I are spies. He work for me. 248 00:21:39,752 --> 00:21:42,324 I want him to find out something, but he no find out. 249 00:21:42,546 --> 00:21:45,949 How am I gonna find out if he no find out... 250 00:21:46,175 --> 00:21:48,621 Will you quit annoying me! - Alright. 251 00:21:48,761 --> 00:21:51,913 Just make him stop doing this. 252 00:21:53,557 --> 00:21:58,018 I'm gonna tear you limb from limb... 253 00:22:00,731 --> 00:22:03,173 I'll do the same... 254 00:22:13,911 --> 00:22:18,572 I no say one thing. - No, I must... 255 00:23:09,508 --> 00:23:11,748 Now I'm gonna get you! 256 00:23:17,641 --> 00:23:18,884 What're you doing? 257 00:23:22,563 --> 00:23:24,174 Why you... 258 00:23:47,588 --> 00:23:51,572 I'll teach you to kick me! - I know how! 259 00:23:54,178 --> 00:23:55,978 Stop it! 260 00:23:59,391 --> 00:24:01,833 That's good, eh? 261 00:24:04,897 --> 00:24:06,697 Peanuts! 262 00:24:07,650 --> 00:24:08,850 Hey! 263 00:24:12,446 --> 00:24:15,980 You wanna be a public nuisance? - How much does the job pay? 264 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,808 I oughtta join the club and beat you over the head. 265 00:24:19,036 --> 00:24:21,478 Peanuts... to you! 266 00:24:21,705 --> 00:24:26,318 Have you got a license? - No, but my dog's got a million. 267 00:24:26,544 --> 00:24:30,658 He's some smart dog. He went with Admiral Byrd to the pole. 268 00:24:30,881 --> 00:24:32,990 I bet the dog got to the pole first. 269 00:24:33,300 --> 00:24:36,585 You win. - Come on up. I wanna scare the Cabinet. 270 00:24:42,017 --> 00:24:46,714 No, he's not in. Alright, I tell him. 271 00:24:46,939 --> 00:24:50,389 That was for you. - I'm not in. I want to talk to you. 272 00:24:50,609 --> 00:24:56,052 Give up that silly peanut stand, and I'll get you a soft government job. 273 00:24:56,532 --> 00:25:01,441 How about a job in the mint? - No, I no like a mint. 274 00:25:01,662 --> 00:25:04,649 What other flavor you got? 275 00:25:06,876 --> 00:25:11,156 No, not yet. Alright, I'll tell him. Goodbye. 276 00:25:11,380 --> 00:25:14,201 That was for you again. - What ever became of me? 277 00:25:15,009 --> 00:25:20,499 I should have been back hours ago. I got a swell job for you, but 278 00:25:20,723 --> 00:25:25,252 I have a couple of questions. What has four pairs of pants, 279 00:25:25,478 --> 00:25:29,675 lives in Philadelphia, and never rains but pours? 280 00:25:30,691 --> 00:25:32,848 Good one. I give you 3 guesses. 281 00:25:33,068 --> 00:25:37,397 Has 4 pairs of pants, lives in Philadelphia. Male or female? 282 00:25:37,615 --> 00:25:41,563 Don't think so. - Is he dead? - Who? 283 00:25:41,786 --> 00:25:45,485 I don't know. I give up. - I give up, too. 284 00:25:45,706 --> 00:25:49,856 Now I ask you. What's got a big, black moustache, 285 00:25:50,085 --> 00:25:54,414 smokes a big, black cigar, and he's a big pain in the neck? 286 00:25:54,632 --> 00:25:57,951 Now don't tell me. Has a big, black moustache, 287 00:25:58,469 --> 00:26:02,667 smokes a big, black cigar and is a big pain... 288 00:26:03,474 --> 00:26:06,343 Does he wear glasses? - You guessed it quick. 289 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,168 Just for that, you don't get the job. - What job? 290 00:26:09,396 --> 00:26:12,266 Secretary of War. - I take it. - Sold. 291 00:26:31,627 --> 00:26:35,196 I'd be lost without a telephone! Don't go away. I wanna talk to you. 292 00:26:35,422 --> 00:26:39,620 Now where were we? Oh yes, what kind of army should we have? 293 00:26:39,844 --> 00:26:42,914 A standing army. 294 00:26:43,764 --> 00:26:44,964 Why? 295 00:26:45,224 --> 00:26:47,832 Then we save on chairs. 296 00:26:50,771 --> 00:26:52,631 Peanuts... 297 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,600 Scat! 298 00:27:04,577 --> 00:27:06,900 Who are you anyway? 299 00:27:09,123 --> 00:27:13,192 I don't go in much for modern art. Got any of the old masters? 300 00:27:17,673 --> 00:27:21,491 Not bad. You have her telephone number? 301 00:27:26,474 --> 00:27:30,208 You could be a big help to me. Where do you live? 302 00:27:33,439 --> 00:27:36,640 Not much of a place, but it's home. 303 00:27:42,281 --> 00:27:47,024 I bet you haven't got a picture of my grandfather. 304 00:27:50,831 --> 00:27:52,631 Not now. 305 00:27:53,083 --> 00:27:54,363 Some other time. 306 00:28:05,971 --> 00:28:09,089 Your Excellency... - Quiet! 307 00:28:09,308 --> 00:28:12,382 This letter's the work of Trentino. He's trying to undermine you. 308 00:28:12,482 --> 00:28:15,922 What are you doing about it? - I'll ring his doorbell and run. 309 00:28:16,148 --> 00:28:19,385 We have to get rid of that man. I have a plan. 310 00:28:19,610 --> 00:28:23,013 Say something to make him mad, and he'll strike you. 311 00:28:23,239 --> 00:28:27,187 And we force him to leave the country. - Swell. Couldn't I strike him? 312 00:28:27,409 --> 00:28:31,275 Ambassador Trentino is sensitive. Perhaps if you insult him... 313 00:28:31,497 --> 00:28:36,442 I said something to Vera Marcal, and he slapped me. 314 00:28:36,669 --> 00:28:40,949 Why didn't Vera slap your face? - She did. - What did you say? 315 00:28:43,801 --> 00:28:47,251 You ought to be ashamed. Where'd you hear that? - You told me. 316 00:28:47,471 --> 00:28:52,333 Oh, yes. I should have slapped Mrs. Teasdale when she told me. 317 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,961 Where is Trentino? - At Mrs. Teasdale's teaparty. 318 00:28:55,061 --> 00:28:57,088 Was I invited? Take a letter. 319 00:28:59,483 --> 00:29:02,850 "You are cordially invited to attend my teaparty." 320 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:07,933 Sign Mrs. Teasdale's name, and tell her I accept. Come on. 321 00:29:15,666 --> 00:29:20,195 I've got an appointment to insult Ambassador Trentino. Step on it! 322 00:29:24,467 --> 00:29:28,878 My 5th trip today, and I haven't been anywhere yet. 323 00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:44,350 You don't seem to be making progress with Mrs. Teasdale. 324 00:29:44,570 --> 00:29:50,061 How? Every time I get her in the mood to say yes, Firefly pops in. 325 00:29:50,284 --> 00:29:55,360 This is your opportunity. He won't be here today. - Sure? 326 00:29:55,581 --> 00:30:00,941 Positive. I helped Mrs. Teasdale with the invitations. - Oh! 327 00:30:01,837 --> 00:30:05,074 His Excellency Rufus T. Firefly! 328 00:30:05,299 --> 00:30:10,627 Hail, hail Freedonia, 329 00:30:10,805 --> 00:30:18,629 land of the brave and free. 330 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:27,160 I've waited for years. I love you. Can't you see I'm at your feet? 331 00:30:27,389 --> 00:30:29,914 When you're done with hers, start on mine. 332 00:30:30,142 --> 00:30:33,378 If that isn't an insult! - Gloria, I love you. 333 00:30:33,603 --> 00:30:35,179 I realize you are lonely. 334 00:30:35,397 --> 00:30:39,926 Can't we be by ourselves? - What can he offer you? Wealth? Family? 335 00:30:40,152 --> 00:30:44,100 I can't give you wealth, but we can have a little family. 336 00:30:44,323 --> 00:30:48,520 Oh, Rufus! - All I can offer you is a Rufus over your head. 337 00:30:48,744 --> 00:30:54,448 I don't know what to say. - I wouldn't know what to say either. 338 00:30:54,666 --> 00:30:57,986 Maybe you can suggest something. You do suggest something. 339 00:30:58,211 --> 00:31:00,653 A baboon. - What? 340 00:31:00,881 --> 00:31:04,995 I'm sorry. It isn't fair to the rest of the baboons. 341 00:31:05,218 --> 00:31:08,669 This man's conduct is inexcusable! - Gentlemen! 342 00:31:08,889 --> 00:31:10,832 I didn't come here to be insulted! 343 00:31:11,058 --> 00:31:13,381 That's what you think! - You swine! - Come again? 344 00:31:13,602 --> 00:31:17,752 You worm! - Once more? - You upstart! - That's it! 345 00:31:18,523 --> 00:31:22,389 Touché. - This regrettable occurrence may plunge our countries into war. 346 00:31:22,611 --> 00:31:25,931 This is terrible! - I'm a man of few words. 347 00:31:26,156 --> 00:31:28,230 I'm a man of one word: Scram! 348 00:31:28,450 --> 00:31:31,058 A man doesn't call a Firefly an upstart! 349 00:31:31,286 --> 00:31:34,736 The Mayflower was full of Fireflys, and a few horseflies. 350 00:31:34,956 --> 00:31:38,775 The Fireflys were on the upperdeck, the horseflies were on the Fireflys. 351 00:31:40,128 --> 00:31:44,112 Good day, my Sweet. - I must speak to you. 352 00:31:44,341 --> 00:31:48,373 See you at the theater. After you get there, you're on your own. 353 00:31:48,595 --> 00:31:52,875 His Excellency's car! - His Excellency's car! 354 00:31:54,476 --> 00:31:58,460 No, I'm not taking any more chances. You can only fool a Firefly twice. 355 00:31:58,689 --> 00:32:01,344 This time you ride in the sidecar. 356 00:32:14,705 --> 00:32:16,944 This is the only way to travel. 357 00:32:20,585 --> 00:32:22,363 Come here, Pinky. 358 00:32:23,088 --> 00:32:24,747 Watch the stand. 359 00:32:24,965 --> 00:32:27,074 Come on, Pastano. 360 00:33:55,222 --> 00:33:59,170 I regret the unfortunate affair with His Excellency, but 361 00:33:59,393 --> 00:34:04,136 his attitude left me no alternative. - Maybe we can still avoid this war. 362 00:34:04,356 --> 00:34:06,430 If we only could. - Yes... 363 00:34:06,650 --> 00:34:10,930 Mrs. Teasdale, I've been recalled by my president. 364 00:34:11,154 --> 00:34:13,892 Then it's too late? - Not if he listens to reason. 365 00:34:14,116 --> 00:34:18,183 I'm prepared to pocket my pride and forget, if he is. 366 00:34:18,412 --> 00:34:22,230 That's wonderful of you, but His Excellency won't hear of it. 367 00:34:22,457 --> 00:34:24,531 Perhaps he will listen to you. 368 00:34:25,085 --> 00:34:29,235 You think so? - Of course. - I'll call him. 369 00:34:38,682 --> 00:34:43,544 I hate to disturb you. You're a busy man, but I must see you. 370 00:34:43,770 --> 00:34:49,095 Where are you? Oh. You can come in the back way, no one'll see you. 371 00:34:50,152 --> 00:34:53,306 If you think of it, bring some cheese. 372 00:34:54,114 --> 00:34:59,023 You must come over. I can't tell it to you over the phone. 373 00:34:59,244 --> 00:35:03,987 It's that kind of story. You ought to be ashamed. I'll be right over. 374 00:35:04,207 --> 00:35:07,907 You'd better wait outside until I've talked to him. 375 00:35:08,128 --> 00:35:10,949 Very well, we'll be out here if you want us. 376 00:35:23,435 --> 00:35:27,585 How'd you get in here? - I'm sorry to disturb you. 377 00:35:27,814 --> 00:35:31,929 Will you ever forgive me? - After tonight, will you ever forgive me? 378 00:35:32,861 --> 00:35:37,059 These plans of war are as valuable as your life. Pretty cheap. 379 00:35:37,282 --> 00:35:40,269 Watch them like kittens. Have you ever had kittens? 380 00:35:40,494 --> 00:35:43,185 Of course not. You run around playing bridge. 381 00:35:43,413 --> 00:35:46,650 Can't you see what I'm telling you? Marry me. 382 00:35:46,875 --> 00:35:49,780 Why, marry you? - Take me, and I'll take a vacation. 383 00:35:50,003 --> 00:35:52,908 I'll need a vacation if we get married... 384 00:35:53,131 --> 00:35:56,249 I can see you in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. 385 00:35:56,468 --> 00:35:59,195 But I can't see the stove. Say the word, 386 00:35:59,295 --> 00:36:00,975 and you'll never see me again. 387 00:36:02,265 --> 00:36:03,664 Gloria. 388 00:36:08,831 --> 00:36:11,967 Rufus, what are you thinking of? 389 00:36:12,415 --> 00:36:16,100 All the years I've wasted collecting stamps. 390 00:36:18,323 --> 00:36:21,750 You will think me a sentimental old fluff, 391 00:36:21,938 --> 00:36:27,028 but would you mind giving me a lock of your hair? - A lock? 392 00:36:28,458 --> 00:36:32,608 I had no idea... - I'm letting you off easy. I was gonna ask for the wig. 393 00:36:39,553 --> 00:36:44,296 You've come to ask for clemency? - He is on a friendly visit. 394 00:36:44,776 --> 00:36:49,461 He's had a change of heart. - He's still got the same face! 395 00:36:50,402 --> 00:36:53,846 I'm willing to forget, if you are. - Forget? 396 00:36:54,067 --> 00:36:57,802 You ask me to forget? A Firefly never forgets. 397 00:36:58,030 --> 00:37:01,729 My ancestors would rise from their graves. I'd have to bury them again. 398 00:37:01,950 --> 00:37:05,815 Nothing doing. I'm going to clean my bed. I'm expecting company. 399 00:37:06,038 --> 00:37:08,776 Please, wait. - Let go, you bully! 400 00:37:10,792 --> 00:37:13,199 I'm willing to do anything to prevent this war. 401 00:37:13,420 --> 00:37:16,574 Too late. I've already paid rent on the battlefield. 402 00:37:16,798 --> 00:37:22,337 Isn't there something I can do? - I'll talk to you about that later. 403 00:37:22,554 --> 00:37:26,799 Won't you reconsider? Please, relent... for my sake. 404 00:37:27,017 --> 00:37:31,131 I am a little headstrong. I come by it honestly. 405 00:37:31,355 --> 00:37:35,137 My father was a Headstrong. My mother was a little Armstrong. 406 00:37:35,359 --> 00:37:39,307 The Headstrongs married the Armstrongs and darkies were born. 407 00:37:40,781 --> 00:37:44,480 Silly to lose my temper on account of the little thing you called me. 408 00:37:44,701 --> 00:37:47,523 Little thing? What did I call you? 409 00:37:48,455 --> 00:37:51,193 I don't remember what it was. 410 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:56,198 You mean "worm"? - No, that wasn't it. 411 00:37:56,588 --> 00:38:01,913 I know... "swine"? - No, it was a seven-letter word. 412 00:38:02,636 --> 00:38:05,790 Oh yes! "Upstart". - That's it! 413 00:38:06,014 --> 00:38:08,503 This man is impossible. An outrage! 414 00:38:08,725 --> 00:38:12,757 My course is clear. This means war! You runt! 415 00:38:12,980 --> 00:38:14,840 I still like "upstart" the best. 416 00:38:15,065 --> 00:38:18,883 I shan't stay longer. - Never darken my towels again. 417 00:38:19,111 --> 00:38:21,932 My hat! - My towel! 418 00:38:23,615 --> 00:38:28,276 Freedonia's war plans are in Mrs. Teasdale's possession. 419 00:38:28,495 --> 00:38:30,771 I must get hold of them. - But how? 420 00:38:30,998 --> 00:38:35,575 We have a guest in Mrs. Teasdale's house, Miss Marcal. 421 00:38:36,878 --> 00:38:40,993 Do you mind waiting outside? I'll join you. - Certainly. 422 00:38:45,804 --> 00:38:47,546 Excuse me. 423 00:38:57,350 --> 00:38:59,847 Yes, I am alone... No, not yet. 424 00:38:59,978 --> 00:39:03,765 We've got to work fast. You must get hold of those plans. 425 00:39:04,057 --> 00:39:07,036 Chicolini and his partner should be there soon. 426 00:39:07,194 --> 00:39:11,412 But I must be careful. There's another guest here. 427 00:39:12,073 --> 00:39:15,642 Firefly? I don't know. I think he's asleep. 428 00:39:29,049 --> 00:39:30,500 Ring the bell. 429 00:39:34,221 --> 00:39:35,998 Push the button. 430 00:40:26,731 --> 00:40:31,013 You got the plans? - No, but they're in the house. 431 00:40:31,278 --> 00:40:35,641 Don't make a sound. If you're found, you're lost. 432 00:40:35,866 --> 00:40:39,020 You're crazy. How can I be lost if I'm found? 433 00:40:41,245 --> 00:40:42,641 Got a flashlight? 434 00:40:48,044 --> 00:40:52,076 If they catch you, you'll be court-martialed and shot. 435 00:40:52,299 --> 00:40:53,499 Vera! 436 00:40:57,554 --> 00:41:03,424 I must go. Remember, don't make a sound. 437 00:41:53,610 --> 00:41:59,765 Stay here, but keep quiet. If we get caught, we get court-plastered. 438 00:42:08,910 --> 00:42:11,348 I'm worried. I can't sleep. 439 00:42:11,503 --> 00:42:15,748 What? You're worried? You can't sleep? 440 00:42:15,966 --> 00:42:18,205 Fine. Now you woke me up. 441 00:42:18,426 --> 00:42:22,209 I won't rest until the plans are back in your hands. 442 00:42:24,099 --> 00:42:26,126 Please, come over and get them. 443 00:42:26,351 --> 00:42:28,294 The plans? I'll be right over. 444 00:42:35,978 --> 00:42:37,291 Let me out! 445 00:42:43,660 --> 00:42:47,810 Let me out! Or throw me a magazine! 446 00:42:52,065 --> 00:42:57,659 So that's your game. I'll huff and puff and blow your door in. 447 00:43:05,348 --> 00:43:07,007 Come in. 448 00:43:09,102 --> 00:43:14,641 I'm so glad you've come. - I'm glad, too. Got the plans? 449 00:43:15,108 --> 00:43:19,222 You sound so strange. Why are you talking like that? 450 00:43:19,446 --> 00:43:23,596 Maybe sometime I go to Italy, and I'm practicing the language. 451 00:43:32,334 --> 00:43:36,199 I'll see my lawyer about this as soon as he graduates. 452 00:43:38,173 --> 00:43:41,457 Your dialect is perfect. I could listen to you all night. 453 00:43:41,676 --> 00:43:45,292 But I can't stay all night. Where's the plans? 454 00:43:45,514 --> 00:43:48,631 In the safe, downstairs. I'll write out the combination. 455 00:44:00,997 --> 00:44:06,019 There you are. Here's the combination. Is that clear? 456 00:44:07,661 --> 00:44:09,457 Anything else you want to know? 457 00:44:10,622 --> 00:44:13,916 What's the matter with you? Have you lost your voice? 458 00:44:14,937 --> 00:44:17,396 Let me get you a glass of water. 459 00:44:23,051 --> 00:44:27,083 Here's your water... What in the world's the matter? 460 00:44:31,268 --> 00:44:35,086 I thought you'd left. - I no leave. 461 00:44:35,313 --> 00:44:40,056 But I saw you with my own eyes. - Who you believe? Me or your own eyes? 462 00:44:42,237 --> 00:44:48,974 This excitement's too much. I feel faint. - I'll get you water. 463 00:45:04,259 --> 00:45:08,788 How about my glass of water? - I give up. How about it? 464 00:45:59,648 --> 00:46:02,136 What's that? - Sounds to me like mice. 465 00:46:02,359 --> 00:46:06,936 Mice don't play music. - How about the old "Micetro"? 466 00:46:27,237 --> 00:46:30,536 Get me headquarters. Not hindquarters... headquarters. 467 00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:34,960 Rush the guards over, and have 'em surround the house. 468 00:49:38,783 --> 00:49:41,605 His Excellency, Rufus T. Firefly. 469 00:49:41,828 --> 00:49:50,403 Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the brave and free. 470 00:50:02,432 --> 00:50:07,211 Lieutenant, why weren't the indictment papers in my portfolio? 471 00:50:07,437 --> 00:50:10,259 I didn't think they were important. 472 00:50:10,482 --> 00:50:15,095 You didn't think so? I had my dessert in those papers! 473 00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,845 Take this bottle back and get 2 cents for it. 474 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:23,285 Hello, boss! - Chicolini, I bet you 8 to one we find you guilty. 475 00:50:23,504 --> 00:50:27,037 That's no good. I can get 10 to one at the barber shop. 476 00:50:27,383 --> 00:50:31,201 You're charged with high treason. If found guilty, you'll be shot. 477 00:50:31,428 --> 00:50:35,044 I object. - On what grounds? 478 00:50:35,266 --> 00:50:36,924 I couldn't think of anything else. 479 00:50:37,184 --> 00:50:40,219 Objection sustained. - You sustained the objection? 480 00:50:40,438 --> 00:50:43,722 I couldn't think of anything either. Why don't you object? 481 00:50:44,150 --> 00:50:46,389 When were you born? 482 00:50:46,735 --> 00:50:49,224 I don't know. I was just a little baby. 483 00:50:49,447 --> 00:50:53,395 Did you try to sell Freedonia's secret war code and plans? 484 00:50:53,617 --> 00:50:56,355 I sold the code and 2 pairs of plans. 485 00:50:57,913 --> 00:51:01,696 That's some joke, huh? - 20 to one we find you guilty. 486 00:51:01,917 --> 00:51:04,276 Have you anyone to defend you? 487 00:51:04,503 --> 00:51:10,077 It's no use. I offered 18 dollars, but I no find somebody to defend me. 488 00:51:10,301 --> 00:51:14,415 My friends, this man's case moves me deeply. 489 00:51:15,264 --> 00:51:17,124 Look at Chicolini. 490 00:51:17,349 --> 00:51:22,461 He sits there alone, an abject figure. - I abject. 491 00:51:23,647 --> 00:51:28,308 Look at Chicolini. He sits there alone, a pitiable object. 492 00:51:28,527 --> 00:51:30,767 Let's see you get outta that one. 493 00:51:30,988 --> 00:51:32,730 Surrounded by unfriendly faces. 494 00:51:32,948 --> 00:51:36,268 A number from one and ten. - 11? - Right. 495 00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:40,390 What has a trunk but no key, 496 00:51:40,706 --> 00:51:42,566 weighs 2,000 pounds... 497 00:51:42,792 --> 00:51:46,242 Irrelevant! - Elephant! That's the answer! 498 00:51:46,462 --> 00:51:48,619 A lot of elephants in the circus. 499 00:51:48,839 --> 00:51:51,577 That testimony we can eliminate. - I'll take some. 500 00:51:51,801 --> 00:51:55,868 You'll take what? - A cold glass of lemonade. 501 00:51:56,096 --> 00:51:58,040 Hey, boss, I'm going good. 502 00:51:58,265 --> 00:52:02,545 He may talk like an idiot and look like an idiot, 503 00:52:02,770 --> 00:52:05,425 but he really is an idiot. 504 00:52:05,648 --> 00:52:08,932 Send him back to his father and brothers, 505 00:52:09,151 --> 00:52:12,436 who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. 506 00:52:12,655 --> 00:52:15,975 Give him 10 years in Leavenworth or 11 years in Twelveworth. 507 00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:18,772 I'll take 5 and 10 in Woolworth. 508 00:52:18,890 --> 00:52:21,881 I wanted to get rid of habeas corpus. I should have gotten rid of you. 509 00:52:21,981 --> 00:52:23,940 I object. - Even I object. - I object, too. 510 00:52:24,166 --> 00:52:25,481 You can't object! 511 00:52:25,709 --> 00:52:30,121 You're Excellency, General Cooper says that the Sylvanian troops 512 00:52:30,339 --> 00:52:33,374 are about to land on Freedonia's soil. This means war. 513 00:52:33,592 --> 00:52:36,912 War would mean a increase in taxes! 514 00:52:37,138 --> 00:52:42,414 I got an uncle that lives in Texas. - No, taxes, money, dollars. 515 00:52:42,643 --> 00:52:45,464 That's where my uncle lives! Dallas, Texas. 516 00:52:48,941 --> 00:52:51,347 More bad news. 517 00:52:54,572 --> 00:52:57,179 Didn't I tell you? - Your Excellency. 518 00:52:57,408 --> 00:53:00,644 What's on your mind, babe? - On behalf of Freedonia's women, 519 00:53:00,870 --> 00:53:05,447 I make one final effort to prevent war. - No kidding? 520 00:53:05,666 --> 00:53:10,362 Trentino says that Sylvania doesn't want war either. - Either. 521 00:53:10,588 --> 00:53:13,279 Doesn't want war either. - Either. 522 00:53:13,507 --> 00:53:14,905 Skip it. 523 00:53:15,134 --> 00:53:18,952 I've asked the ambassador to come, because we both felt 524 00:53:19,180 --> 00:53:24,042 that a friendly conference would settle everything peacefully. 525 00:53:24,268 --> 00:53:27,552 He'll be here any moment. - You did a noble deed. 526 00:53:27,772 --> 00:53:31,506 I'd be unworthy of the high trust if I didn't do everything 527 00:53:31,734 --> 00:53:34,341 to keep our beloved Freedonia at peace with the world. 528 00:53:34,570 --> 00:53:38,934 I'd be happy to meet him and offer him the right hand 529 00:53:39,158 --> 00:53:42,774 of good fellowship. I feel sure he will accept this gesture 530 00:53:42,995 --> 00:53:45,188 in the spirit with which it's offered. 531 00:53:45,414 --> 00:53:49,528 But suppose he doesn't? A fine thing! I hold out my hand, 532 00:53:49,752 --> 00:53:53,072 and he refuses to accept it. That'll add a lot to my prestige. 533 00:53:53,297 --> 00:53:56,118 Me, the head of a country, snubbed by an ambassador! 534 00:53:56,342 --> 00:54:00,919 Who does he think he is? To make a sap out of me in front of my people. 535 00:54:01,138 --> 00:54:05,502 I hold out my hand, and that hyena refuses to accept it. 536 00:54:05,726 --> 00:54:11,881 Why, the cheap swine! He'll never get away with it! - Please! 537 00:54:12,233 --> 00:54:15,350 So, you refuse to shake hands with me, eh? 538 00:54:15,569 --> 00:54:19,684 This is the last straw! No turning back! This means war! 539 00:54:23,369 --> 00:54:24,731 Then it's war! 540 00:54:24,954 --> 00:54:30,148 Then it's war! Gather the forces! Harness the horses! It's war! 541 00:54:32,837 --> 00:54:36,869 Freedonia's going to war... 542 00:54:37,091 --> 00:54:40,458 At last our country's going to war. 543 00:54:40,678 --> 00:54:42,669 We're going to war! 544 00:54:42,888 --> 00:54:45,840 We think our country's going to war. 545 00:54:46,058 --> 00:54:48,832 We're going to war! - A fact we can't ignore. 546 00:54:49,061 --> 00:54:53,211 We're going to war. A fact we can't ignore. 547 00:54:53,441 --> 00:54:57,804 I think they think we're going to war. 548 00:54:59,321 --> 00:55:02,392 I think they think we're going to war. 549 00:55:38,152 --> 00:55:41,139 To war! To war! 550 00:56:17,149 --> 00:56:23,719 They got guns, we got guns, all God's chillun got guns... 551 00:56:23,948 --> 00:56:31,111 We're gonna walk over the battlefield, 'cause all God's chillun got guns. 552 00:56:31,330 --> 00:56:35,065 Hail Freedonia, don't you cry for me. 553 00:56:35,292 --> 00:56:39,360 I'll be comin' round the mountain with a banjo on my knee. 554 00:57:08,325 --> 00:57:11,645 To war, to war, we know we gotta go. 555 00:57:11,871 --> 00:57:14,988 To war! To war! 556 00:57:24,842 --> 00:57:28,493 To war! To war! We soon will say goodbye. 557 00:57:28,721 --> 00:57:32,171 Oh how we'd cry for Firefly if Firefly should die. 558 00:57:51,243 --> 00:57:54,230 There'll be 2 lamps if the enemy is coming by land. 559 00:57:54,455 --> 00:57:56,778 One if they're coming by sea. 560 00:58:00,586 --> 00:58:03,953 They've doublecrossed me! They're coming by land and sea. 561 00:58:04,256 --> 00:58:07,208 Ride through every village and town, wake every citizen. 562 00:58:07,426 --> 00:58:11,624 Tell them the enemy comes from afar... 563 00:58:11,847 --> 00:58:14,004 Be off, my lad! 564 00:59:06,527 --> 00:59:08,885 My husband! Hide in here! 565 00:59:16,407 --> 00:59:20,553 Freedonia's going to war. - I'm going to take a bath. 566 01:00:33,653 --> 01:00:37,199 Clear all wires. The enemy has captured Hill 27 and 28, 567 01:00:37,421 --> 01:00:39,364 throwing 13 hillbillies out of work. 568 01:00:39,589 --> 01:00:42,327 2 snipers cut into our machine-gun nest and laid an egg. 569 01:00:42,551 --> 01:00:45,787 Send reinforcements. Send the call collect. 570 01:00:46,555 --> 01:00:50,883 Our men are being badly beaten. I suggest we dig trenches. 571 01:00:51,101 --> 01:00:54,551 There isn't time to dig trenches. 572 01:00:54,771 --> 01:00:57,011 We'll buy 'em ready-made. Here. - Yes, sir. 573 01:00:57,232 --> 01:01:00,682 Get 'em this high, and our soldiers won't need pants. - Yes, sir. 574 01:01:00,902 --> 01:01:04,139 No, this high, and we won't need soldiers. - Yes, sir. 575 01:01:04,364 --> 01:01:07,055 Chicolini, I'm counting on you. 576 01:01:07,284 --> 01:01:11,268 There's a nest near Hill 28. I want it cleaned out. - I'll tell the janitor. 577 01:01:12,331 --> 01:01:16,824 Message from the front. - Don't we ever get one from the side? 578 01:01:19,212 --> 01:01:22,082 What is it? - A gas attack. 579 01:01:22,299 --> 01:01:25,998 Take a spoon of bicarbonate soda and water. - Yes, sir. 580 01:01:29,848 --> 01:01:33,713 Any answer to that message? - No. - Don't send it. 581 01:01:43,654 --> 01:01:47,934 This is the last straw! Where's my Stradivarius? - Here. 582 01:01:48,367 --> 01:01:51,770 I'll show them they can't fiddle with old Firefly. 583 01:01:56,416 --> 01:01:59,570 Look at 'em run! Now we're at war! - Your Excellency! 584 01:02:00,045 --> 01:02:02,202 They're fleeing like rats! - But sir... 585 01:02:02,422 --> 01:02:04,829 I'll give myself the Firefly medal. 586 01:02:05,050 --> 01:02:08,037 You're shooting your own men. - What? 587 01:02:08,261 --> 01:02:10,454 You're shooting your own men. 588 01:02:10,681 --> 01:02:15,127 Here's 5 dollars. Keep it under your hat. No, I'll keep it under mine. 589 01:02:15,352 --> 01:02:20,095 We gotta have more men! - Don't be alarmed. We're looking for volunteers. 590 01:02:20,315 --> 01:02:25,177 Join the army, see the navy. 591 01:02:26,947 --> 01:02:30,563 The army's morale is crumbling. The men are breaking ranks. 592 01:02:30,784 --> 01:02:33,771 Where is the Secretary of War? - Where is the Secretary of War? 593 01:02:33,996 --> 01:02:38,145 The soldiers are waiting for his orders. - The Secretary of War! 594 01:02:43,714 --> 01:02:47,890 Decent of you to dop in. Our army is facing defeat. 595 01:02:48,176 --> 01:02:50,867 What do you intend to do? - I've done it. - What? 596 01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:54,818 Changed to the other side. - What're you doing here? 597 01:02:55,046 --> 01:02:57,072 The food's better over here. 598 01:03:02,553 --> 01:03:06,003 Chicolini, I need you. What'll it take to come back over? 599 01:03:06,224 --> 01:03:08,582 I'll take a vacation. - You're hired. 600 01:03:08,809 --> 01:03:13,303 Go out on that battlefield and lead those men to victory. 601 01:03:14,815 --> 01:03:19,677 Not unless I was in one those big iron things. What you call 'em? 602 01:03:19,904 --> 01:03:22,143 Tanks. - You're welcome. 603 01:03:23,366 --> 01:03:27,065 You must come here at once. We're in danger. 604 01:03:27,286 --> 01:03:29,395 There's no danger here. 605 01:03:51,185 --> 01:03:54,836 Wait, I wanna find out something. 606 01:03:57,984 --> 01:04:00,509 Just as I thought. Coast is clear. 607 01:04:03,739 --> 01:04:07,059 You're fighting for this woman's honor. More than she ever did. 608 01:04:07,285 --> 01:04:09,311 Your Excellency... 609 01:04:09,537 --> 01:04:12,442 There goes my gun. Run out and get it. 610 01:04:12,665 --> 01:04:17,723 Our ammunition supplies are low. - Man the boats! I'll get help! 611 01:04:25,027 --> 01:04:29,391 Calling all nations... This is Rufus T... 612 01:04:30,116 --> 01:04:33,020 Rufus T. Firefly, through courtesy of the enemy... 613 01:04:33,285 --> 01:04:34,730 We're in a mess! 614 01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:38,819 Rush to Freedonia. 3 men and 1 woman trapped in a building. 615 01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:42,028 If you can't send help, send 2 more women. 616 01:04:42,603 --> 01:04:43,947 Make it 3 more women. 617 01:04:45,172 --> 01:04:48,741 We can't hold out much longer. We must have help. 618 01:04:54,181 --> 01:04:58,628 One of us has to get word to General Cooper... 619 01:04:59,061 --> 01:05:00,459 Quiet back there! 620 01:05:00,688 --> 01:05:04,636 Who is going to sacrifice his life? - We draw lots. 621 01:05:04,859 --> 01:05:07,051 Wait. I got it. 622 01:05:14,131 --> 01:05:18,060 I did it wrong. Wait. I start here. 623 01:05:23,133 --> 01:05:24,696 That's no good too. 624 01:05:24,920 --> 01:05:27,576 I got it right. 625 01:05:28,090 --> 01:05:30,698 A brave man! Break through the lines. 626 01:05:30,926 --> 01:05:33,914 While you're risking life and limb, 627 01:05:34,138 --> 01:05:36,247 we'll be thinking, "What a sucker!" 628 01:05:36,515 --> 01:05:38,715 Goodbye... 629 01:05:39,532 --> 01:05:42,719 Hail Freedonia! - Hail Freedonia! 630 01:05:47,777 --> 01:05:50,100 Where did they get you? 631 01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:55,263 Careful! It's the only water we got. - It's the only woman we got. 632 01:06:02,166 --> 01:06:05,135 We're surrounded. They're attacking from the rear. - This way. 633 01:06:05,235 --> 01:06:07,071 We'll barricade the door! 634 01:06:16,597 --> 01:06:20,842 This is Firefly. Send us help at once. - Help is on the way. 635 01:06:21,060 --> 01:06:23,253 Help is on the way! 636 01:06:47,795 --> 01:06:51,530 They got me... Water! 637 01:06:56,512 --> 01:06:57,875 Water! 638 01:07:03,452 --> 01:07:05,479 Get me outta here! 639 01:07:08,082 --> 01:07:10,855 Last time this happened, I was crawling under a bed. 640 01:07:11,085 --> 01:07:12,744 If help would only come! 641 01:07:26,785 --> 01:07:28,420 Any mail for me? 642 01:07:31,849 --> 01:07:33,662 Keep away from me! 643 01:07:46,394 --> 01:07:48,707 Trentino! ...That's game. 644 01:07:54,170 --> 01:07:55,994 Call me an "upstart"! 645 01:07:56,213 --> 01:07:58,453 I surrender! 646 01:07:58,626 --> 01:08:00,918 You'll have to wait until the food runs out. 647 01:08:01,209 --> 01:08:02,787 Victory is ours! 648 01:08:03,012 --> 01:08:07,023 Hail, hail Freedonia... 649 01:08:07,232 --> 01:08:10,349 Land of the...