1 00:01:28,593 --> 00:01:30,788 I told you to stay off the boardwalk. 2 00:01:36,033 --> 00:01:37,546 Okay, boys, let's go. 3 00:01:46,433 --> 00:01:48,993 You, too, off the boardwalk. 4 00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:05,268 Keep going. 5 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,025 Hey, I liked that song. 6 00:03:07,513 --> 00:03:08,912 Keep going, Mom. 7 00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:10,861 - How about this? - Hang on. 8 00:03:10,953 --> 00:03:13,342 I don't see any bogeymen or nasty guys. 9 00:03:16,513 --> 00:03:19,073 Keep going. You want to switch the band? 10 00:03:31,193 --> 00:03:34,105 - Keep going! - Wait. That's from my era! 11 00:03:42,153 --> 00:03:43,632 We're almost there. 12 00:03:43,793 --> 00:03:45,431 What's that smell? 13 00:03:45,673 --> 00:03:47,311 That's the ocean air. 14 00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:49,105 Smells like someone died. 15 00:03:50,393 --> 00:03:52,270 Guys, I know the last year hasn't been easy, but... 16 00:03:52,353 --> 00:03:55,709 ...I think you're really going to like living in Santa Carla. 17 00:04:36,473 --> 00:04:38,543 There's an amusement park right on the beach. 18 00:04:38,633 --> 00:04:41,193 Sam, tell those kids to get something to eat. 19 00:04:42,153 --> 00:04:43,222 Any jobs around here? 20 00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:44,746 Nothing legal. 21 00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,272 Come on, Nanook. 22 00:06:36,113 --> 00:06:37,068 Dad? 23 00:06:37,993 --> 00:06:38,948 Dad? 24 00:06:39,353 --> 00:06:40,468 Looks like he's dead. 25 00:06:40,553 --> 00:06:42,384 No, he's just a deep sleeper. 26 00:06:42,593 --> 00:06:44,982 If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix? 27 00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:46,947 Playing dead... 28 00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:50,230 ...and from what I heard, doing a damn good job of it, too. 29 00:06:59,313 --> 00:07:00,746 This is a pretty cool place. 30 00:07:00,833 --> 00:07:02,869 For The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 31 00:07:02,953 --> 00:07:04,864 Come on, Sam, give Mom a break. 32 00:07:05,273 --> 00:07:07,184 What's wrong with this picture? 33 00:07:07,273 --> 00:07:11,266 There's no TV. Have you seen a TV? I haven't seen a TV. 34 00:07:11,513 --> 00:07:14,346 You know what it means when there's no TV? No MTV. 35 00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,344 Sammy, we are flat broke. 36 00:07:19,793 --> 00:07:22,307 Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew... 37 00:07:22,393 --> 00:07:25,465 ...who didn't improve her situation by getting divorced. 38 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,062 I know. 39 00:07:28,033 --> 00:07:31,582 But a big legal war wasn't going to improve anybody's situation. 40 00:07:32,393 --> 00:07:34,509 We've all been through enough. 41 00:07:35,233 --> 00:07:37,428 Anyway, I was raised better than that. 42 00:07:37,513 --> 00:07:39,310 Ouch, my hair. 43 00:07:41,713 --> 00:07:43,351 Mom, you gotta help me. 44 00:07:44,833 --> 00:07:47,301 Hey, guys, no running in the house! 45 00:07:55,273 --> 00:07:57,662 Talk about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 46 00:07:59,113 --> 00:08:00,387 Rules! 47 00:08:00,873 --> 00:08:03,592 We've got some rules around here. 48 00:08:04,073 --> 00:08:06,029 Second shelf is mine. 49 00:08:06,113 --> 00:08:09,992 That's where I keep my root beers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. 50 00:08:10,353 --> 00:08:13,106 Nobody touches the second shelf, but me. 51 00:08:14,673 --> 00:08:17,585 There's another rule around here, and I want you to pay close attention. 52 00:08:17,673 --> 00:08:19,584 Don't touch anything. 53 00:08:19,953 --> 00:08:21,591 Everything is exactly where I want it. 54 00:08:21,673 --> 00:08:22,628 Grandpa... 55 00:08:22,713 --> 00:08:26,228 ...is it true that Santa Carla's the murder capital of the world? 56 00:08:26,713 --> 00:08:28,749 There are some bad elements around here. 57 00:08:28,833 --> 00:08:30,391 Wait, let me get this straight. 58 00:08:30,473 --> 00:08:33,067 You're telling me we've moved to the murder capital of the world? 59 00:08:33,153 --> 00:08:34,427 Are you serious, Grandpa? 60 00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:36,151 Well, let me put it this way. 61 00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:39,987 If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up all at once... 62 00:08:40,073 --> 00:08:42,667 ...we'd have one hell of a population problem. 63 00:08:44,073 --> 00:08:45,222 Great, Dad. 64 00:08:45,393 --> 00:08:46,985 Now, on Wednesdays... 65 00:08:47,073 --> 00:08:49,428 ...when the mailman brings the TV Guide... 66 00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:52,664 ...sometimes the address label is curled up just a little. 67 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,222 You'll be tempted to tear it off. Don't. 68 00:08:55,753 --> 00:08:59,063 You'll only wind up rippin' the cover and I don't like that. 69 00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:00,706 And stay outta here. 70 00:09:02,073 --> 00:09:03,506 - You have a TV? - No. 71 00:09:03,753 --> 00:09:05,823 I just like to read the TV Guide. 72 00:09:06,033 --> 00:09:08,752 If you read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV. 73 00:11:18,633 --> 00:11:20,225 I can't find my mom. 74 00:11:22,193 --> 00:11:23,592 What's the matter? 75 00:11:26,633 --> 00:11:27,907 Are you lost? 76 00:11:36,713 --> 00:11:38,066 Let's ask in here. 77 00:11:38,153 --> 00:11:40,189 Excuse me, I wonder if you could help us. 78 00:11:40,273 --> 00:11:43,390 This boy is lost and we're wondering if his mother might be in here. 79 00:11:43,473 --> 00:11:44,906 I don't really know. 80 00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,232 I was so worried! 81 00:11:48,953 --> 00:11:50,181 Don't run off like that. 82 00:11:50,273 --> 00:11:51,183 There you are. 83 00:11:51,273 --> 00:11:52,467 Thank you. 84 00:11:52,553 --> 00:11:53,906 Bye, Terry. 85 00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:56,863 We only come here to watch one thing. 86 00:11:58,753 --> 00:11:59,742 Well done. 87 00:11:59,833 --> 00:12:00,902 No, thanks. 88 00:12:00,993 --> 00:12:03,223 Well, on second thought... 89 00:12:04,553 --> 00:12:06,828 I told you not to come in here anymore. 90 00:12:16,473 --> 00:12:17,667 Wild kids. 91 00:12:17,873 --> 00:12:20,865 Oh, they're just young. We were that age, too, once. 92 00:12:24,713 --> 00:12:26,669 Only they dress better. Bye-bye. 93 00:12:26,753 --> 00:12:29,665 You have a generous nature. I like that in a person. 94 00:12:30,433 --> 00:12:32,105 - My name is Max. - I'm Lucy. 95 00:12:33,713 --> 00:12:35,669 - That's my dog, Thorn. - Hi, Thorn. 96 00:12:35,753 --> 00:12:36,788 Say "hello", Thorn. 97 00:12:36,873 --> 00:12:38,670 So how may I help you this evening? 98 00:12:38,753 --> 00:12:39,742 We have it all. 99 00:12:39,833 --> 00:12:41,903 The best selection of video tapes in Santa Carla. 100 00:12:41,993 --> 00:12:44,507 No, I'm not looking for a tape. 101 00:12:44,713 --> 00:12:46,351 What I need is... 102 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:47,622 A job? 103 00:12:47,873 --> 00:12:48,862 ...a job. 104 00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:50,944 Yeah. I look that needy, huh? 105 00:12:58,153 --> 00:13:00,348 - Where are we going? - Nowhere. 106 00:13:00,473 --> 00:13:01,906 So what's the rush? 107 00:13:01,993 --> 00:13:03,824 You're chasing that girl, aren't you? 108 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:06,063 Come on, admit it. You're chasing her. 109 00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,984 I'm at the mercy of your sex glands. 110 00:13:08,073 --> 00:13:11,827 Don't you have something better to do than follow me around all night? 111 00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:15,266 Actually, I do. 112 00:13:50,953 --> 00:13:52,352 Got a problem guys? 113 00:13:52,593 --> 00:13:55,187 Just scoping your civilian wardrobe. 114 00:13:55,393 --> 00:13:56,792 Pretty cool, huh? 115 00:13:57,353 --> 00:13:58,911 For a fashion victim. 116 00:13:59,593 --> 00:14:02,266 If you're looking for the diet frozen-yogurt bar... 117 00:14:02,353 --> 00:14:04,469 ...it went out of business last summer. 118 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:07,147 Actually, I'm looking for Batman, no. 14. 119 00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:08,792 That's a very serious book, man. 120 00:14:08,873 --> 00:14:10,352 Only five in existence. 121 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:11,707 Four, actually. 122 00:14:12,273 --> 00:14:14,787 I'm always lookin' out for the other three. 123 00:14:16,753 --> 00:14:19,870 You can't put the Superman, no. 77 with the 200s. 124 00:14:20,073 --> 00:14:22,029 They haven't even discovered red kryptonite yet. 125 00:14:22,113 --> 00:14:25,662 And you can't put the no. 98 with the 300s. 126 00:14:25,913 --> 00:14:28,347 Lori Lemaris hasn't even been introduced. 127 00:14:28,473 --> 00:14:30,509 Where the hell are you from? Krypton? 128 00:14:30,593 --> 00:14:32,026 Phoenix, actually. 129 00:14:32,113 --> 00:14:34,229 But, lucky me, we moved... 130 00:14:35,273 --> 00:14:36,228 ...here. 131 00:14:40,673 --> 00:14:41,742 Take this. 132 00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:45,712 I don't like horror comics. 133 00:14:45,793 --> 00:14:47,863 You'll like this one, Mr. Phoenix. 134 00:14:48,593 --> 00:14:50,231 It could save your life. 135 00:15:31,273 --> 00:15:32,911 Come on, she stiffed ya. 136 00:15:57,513 --> 00:15:59,265 - What was that? - What was what? 137 00:15:59,353 --> 00:16:01,742 - I thought I heard something. - Forget it. 138 00:16:22,913 --> 00:16:25,268 - How do you like that baby? - It's a beauty. 139 00:16:25,353 --> 00:16:26,866 Come on, let's get in. 140 00:16:27,873 --> 00:16:29,545 Can I drive on the way back? 141 00:16:29,633 --> 00:16:32,511 Fat chance. Nobody drives this baby, but me. 142 00:16:44,193 --> 00:16:46,149 We have to let it warm up a little. 143 00:16:46,233 --> 00:16:49,191 Hear that sound? Just like a baby pussycat. 144 00:16:49,993 --> 00:16:52,587 Okay, let's go to town. 145 00:16:57,873 --> 00:16:59,591 Are we having fun, or what? 146 00:16:59,673 --> 00:17:01,265 I thought we were going to town. 147 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:04,072 That's as close to town as I like to get. 148 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:05,706 Total weirdo, man. 149 00:17:26,553 --> 00:17:30,068 Noticed anything unusual about Santa Carla yet? 150 00:17:30,193 --> 00:17:32,024 No, it's a pretty cool place. 151 00:17:33,273 --> 00:17:35,468 - Lf you're a Martian. - Or a vampire. 152 00:17:36,553 --> 00:17:38,908 Are you sniffing old newsprint or something? 153 00:17:38,993 --> 00:17:41,302 You think you really know what's happening here. 154 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:44,590 Well, I'll tell you something. You don't know shit, buddy. 155 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:48,106 You think we just work in a comic bookstore for our folks? 156 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:50,149 Actually, I thought it was a bakery. 157 00:17:50,233 --> 00:17:51,905 This is just our cover. 158 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:54,948 We're dedicated to a higher purpose. 159 00:17:55,273 --> 00:17:57,104 We're fighters for "Truth... 160 00:17:57,633 --> 00:18:00,227 "...Justice, and the American way." 161 00:18:00,873 --> 00:18:01,942 All right. 162 00:18:05,913 --> 00:18:06,982 Read this. 163 00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:08,073 . 164 00:18:08,073 --> 00:18:10,143 I told you I don't like horror comics. 165 00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:12,782 Think of it more as a survival manual. 166 00:18:13,313 --> 00:18:15,031 There's our number on the back... 167 00:18:15,113 --> 00:18:17,468 ...and pray you never need to call us. 168 00:18:18,673 --> 00:18:19,822 I'll pray... 169 00:18:20,593 --> 00:18:22,390 ...I never need to call you. 170 00:18:22,873 --> 00:18:23,828 Sure. 171 00:18:35,393 --> 00:18:37,907 It look's great. Definitely. Enjoy it. 172 00:18:38,673 --> 00:18:39,628 Thanks. 173 00:18:46,873 --> 00:18:47,942 Excuse me. 174 00:18:49,513 --> 00:18:50,741 It won't hurt. 175 00:18:54,553 --> 00:18:55,952 It's a rip-off. 176 00:19:00,113 --> 00:19:01,068 Hi. 177 00:19:02,313 --> 00:19:04,747 If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it. 178 00:19:05,913 --> 00:19:07,505 What's your name? 179 00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:08,743 Star. 180 00:19:08,873 --> 00:19:10,545 Oh, your folks, too, huh? 181 00:19:10,673 --> 00:19:12,948 - What do you mean? - Ex-hippies. 182 00:19:13,073 --> 00:19:16,224 I came this close to being called Moon Beam or Moon Child. 183 00:19:16,473 --> 00:19:18,111 Or something like that. 184 00:19:19,313 --> 00:19:21,383 But Star's great. I like Star. 185 00:19:21,753 --> 00:19:22,868 Me, too. 186 00:19:23,833 --> 00:19:24,982 I'm Michael. 187 00:19:25,393 --> 00:19:27,748 Michael's great. I like Michael. 188 00:19:30,113 --> 00:19:31,990 Want to get something to eat? 189 00:19:32,193 --> 00:19:33,182 Okay. 190 00:19:42,633 --> 00:19:44,385 Where are you going, Star? 191 00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:46,949 For a ride. This is Michael. 192 00:19:48,273 --> 00:19:49,467 Let's go. 193 00:19:49,553 --> 00:19:50,542 Star? 194 00:20:05,833 --> 00:20:08,905 You know where Hudson's Bluff is, overlooking the point? 195 00:20:09,913 --> 00:20:11,266 I can't beat your bike. 196 00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:13,423 You don't have to beat me, Michael. 197 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,583 You just have to try and keep up. 198 00:20:17,673 --> 00:20:19,311 We're going for a ride. 199 00:21:45,353 --> 00:21:46,672 Come on! 200 00:21:57,153 --> 00:21:58,791 Come on, Michael! 201 00:22:17,193 --> 00:22:19,263 - What the hell are you doing? - No! 202 00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:23,265 Just you! Come on! 203 00:22:23,753 --> 00:22:24,981 Just you! 204 00:22:26,953 --> 00:22:28,705 Come on, just you. 205 00:22:30,713 --> 00:22:33,022 How far are you willing to go, Michael? 206 00:22:46,913 --> 00:22:49,188 Hit the rock box, buddy. 207 00:22:56,913 --> 00:22:58,232 Not bad, huh? 208 00:22:59,353 --> 00:23:02,743 This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla about 85 years ago. 209 00:23:03,353 --> 00:23:05,503 Too bad they built it on a fault. 210 00:23:06,353 --> 00:23:08,230 In 1906... 211 00:23:08,873 --> 00:23:11,262 ...when the big one hit San Francisco... 212 00:23:11,673 --> 00:23:14,665 ...the ground opened up, and this place took a header... 213 00:23:14,753 --> 00:23:16,391 ...right into the crack. 214 00:23:19,473 --> 00:23:20,542 Now it's ours. 215 00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:22,589 So, check it out, Mikey. 216 00:23:23,433 --> 00:23:24,548 Marko... 217 00:23:25,233 --> 00:23:26,222 Food. 218 00:23:27,833 --> 00:23:30,028 That's what I love about this place. 219 00:23:30,273 --> 00:23:31,945 You ask, and then you get. 220 00:23:36,553 --> 00:23:38,271 Appetizer? 221 00:23:42,673 --> 00:23:44,550 You'll like it here, Michael. 222 00:23:47,953 --> 00:23:49,625 Ten o'clock. Lights out. 223 00:23:50,113 --> 00:23:51,546 Did you brush your teeth? 224 00:23:51,633 --> 00:23:52,907 Okay, 'night, sweetheart. 225 00:23:52,993 --> 00:23:54,028 Mom? 226 00:23:57,273 --> 00:23:58,342 Sorry. 227 00:23:59,633 --> 00:24:02,147 I can never sleep with the closet door open, either. 228 00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:03,666 Not even a crack. 229 00:24:04,313 --> 00:24:07,908 Sam, this is a terrible thing to admit, but I think that... 230 00:24:09,113 --> 00:24:11,581 ...one of the reasons I divorced your father... 231 00:24:11,673 --> 00:24:15,029 ...was because he never believed in the closet monster. 232 00:24:18,433 --> 00:24:21,869 Dad! Don't sneak up on people like that! 233 00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:25,030 Brought you somethin' to dress up your room with, Sam. 234 00:24:25,873 --> 00:24:27,352 How do you like that? 235 00:24:27,473 --> 00:24:28,428 Thanks, Grandpa. 236 00:24:28,513 --> 00:24:31,027 Oh, Dad, really! You shouldn't have! 237 00:24:32,153 --> 00:24:33,871 Lots more where he came from. 238 00:24:33,953 --> 00:24:36,228 - Good night, Sam. - Good night, Grandpa. 239 00:24:38,553 --> 00:24:39,508 Lights, Sam. 240 00:24:39,593 --> 00:24:41,823 As soon as I finish this comic, okay? 241 00:24:56,553 --> 00:24:58,589 You're history, buddy. 242 00:25:08,913 --> 00:25:11,108 Feeding time. Come and get it, boys. 243 00:25:14,673 --> 00:25:16,550 Chinese. Good choice. 244 00:25:18,033 --> 00:25:19,386 Over here, bud. 245 00:25:20,913 --> 00:25:22,107 Guests first. 246 00:25:23,313 --> 00:25:24,792 You don't like rice? 247 00:25:24,953 --> 00:25:28,389 Tell me, Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong? 248 00:25:30,513 --> 00:25:31,548 Come on. 249 00:25:40,393 --> 00:25:42,270 How are those maggots? 250 00:25:43,793 --> 00:25:45,112 Maggots, Michael. 251 00:25:45,193 --> 00:25:47,582 You're eating maggots. How do they taste? 252 00:25:54,393 --> 00:25:55,951 Leave him alone. 253 00:26:09,233 --> 00:26:10,586 Sorry about that. 254 00:26:10,953 --> 00:26:12,545 No hard feelings, huh? 255 00:26:16,353 --> 00:26:18,309 Why don't you try some noodles? 256 00:26:20,833 --> 00:26:23,222 - They're worms. - What do you mean, worms? 257 00:26:24,913 --> 00:26:26,312 Don't eat... 258 00:26:29,153 --> 00:26:31,064 They're only noodles, Michael. 259 00:26:35,633 --> 00:26:37,112 That's enough. 260 00:27:18,793 --> 00:27:20,624 Drink some of this, Michael. 261 00:27:22,673 --> 00:27:24,072 Be one of us. 262 00:27:41,313 --> 00:27:43,747 Don't! You don't have to, Michael. 263 00:27:48,953 --> 00:27:50,022 It's blood. 264 00:27:51,313 --> 00:27:52,951 Yeah, sure. 265 00:27:55,153 --> 00:27:56,791 Bravo! 266 00:28:01,713 --> 00:28:03,431 You were right, Marko. 267 00:28:10,313 --> 00:28:11,905 You're one of us, bud. 268 00:29:15,713 --> 00:29:16,907 Perfect timing. 269 00:29:19,473 --> 00:29:20,826 What's going on? 270 00:29:22,873 --> 00:29:25,262 Michael wants to know "what's going on." 271 00:29:26,793 --> 00:29:27,828 Marko? 272 00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:29,906 "What's going on?" 273 00:29:30,153 --> 00:29:31,302 I don't know. 274 00:29:31,393 --> 00:29:32,951 "What's going on," Paul? 275 00:29:33,033 --> 00:29:35,501 - Who wants to know? - Michael wants to know. 276 00:29:36,913 --> 00:29:39,871 I think we should let Michael know "what's going on." 277 00:29:43,113 --> 00:29:44,546 Marko... 278 00:29:44,913 --> 00:29:46,312 Good night, Michael. 279 00:29:46,393 --> 00:29:47,667 Bombs away. 280 00:29:49,033 --> 00:29:50,591 Bottoms up, man. 281 00:29:57,433 --> 00:29:59,071 Come with us, Michael. 282 00:30:10,353 --> 00:30:11,991 Michael Emerson... 283 00:30:12,873 --> 00:30:14,511 Come on down. 284 00:30:28,393 --> 00:30:30,304 Welcome aboard, Michael. 285 00:30:31,313 --> 00:30:32,302 Fun, huh? 286 00:30:46,633 --> 00:30:47,907 Hold on! 287 00:31:00,993 --> 00:31:02,904 Don't be scared, Michael! 288 00:31:09,993 --> 00:31:13,144 Michael, you're one of us. Let go! 289 00:31:13,873 --> 00:31:15,022 And do what? 290 00:31:15,113 --> 00:31:17,308 You are one of us, Michael. 291 00:31:21,873 --> 00:31:23,989 David! 292 00:32:38,633 --> 00:32:40,703 Mike, wake up. 293 00:32:43,113 --> 00:32:44,341 It's Mom. 294 00:32:45,513 --> 00:32:47,583 - Mom's home? - No, on the phone. 295 00:32:48,873 --> 00:32:49,908 What time is it? 296 00:32:49,993 --> 00:32:51,312 It's two o'clock. 297 00:32:52,353 --> 00:32:53,991 Give me those sunglasses. 298 00:32:54,313 --> 00:32:56,702 You need sunglasses to talk on the phone? 299 00:32:56,793 --> 00:32:59,512 Are you freebasing? Inquiring minds want to know. 300 00:33:05,193 --> 00:33:07,468 - Hello? - Michael, are you still in bed? 301 00:33:07,553 --> 00:33:09,066 No. I'm up. 302 00:33:09,193 --> 00:33:11,229 Michael, would you do me a favor? 303 00:33:11,433 --> 00:33:13,663 Max asked me to go to dinner with him after work tonight. 304 00:33:13,753 --> 00:33:15,152 Would you stay home with Sam? 305 00:33:15,233 --> 00:33:17,428 Sam is old enough to stay by himself. 306 00:33:17,513 --> 00:33:19,629 I don't need no babysitter, Mike. 307 00:33:19,993 --> 00:33:22,268 Michael, you come home in the middle of the night... 308 00:33:22,353 --> 00:33:23,832 ...you sleep all day. 309 00:33:23,993 --> 00:33:26,223 I work all day. Sam is always alone. 310 00:33:27,553 --> 00:33:30,226 It's been a long time since somebody's asked me out to dinner. 311 00:33:30,313 --> 00:33:31,348 I'd like to go. 312 00:33:31,433 --> 00:33:32,343 Okay? 313 00:33:34,193 --> 00:33:35,262 Okay, Mom. 314 00:33:35,593 --> 00:33:37,390 Thanks, it's a real favor. 315 00:33:37,993 --> 00:33:39,028 Bye-bye. 316 00:33:53,833 --> 00:33:56,666 Anything in here that might pass for after-shave? 317 00:33:59,633 --> 00:34:01,589 How about some Windex, Grandpa? 318 00:34:02,313 --> 00:34:04,224 Yeah, let me try some of that. 319 00:34:13,233 --> 00:34:15,303 Have a big date tonight, Grandpa? 320 00:34:18,153 --> 00:34:21,702 I'm going to drop off some of my handiwork to the "Widow" Johnson. 321 00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:24,148 What'd you stuff for her? Mr. Johnson? 322 00:34:25,993 --> 00:34:27,631 See you two guys later. 323 00:34:28,553 --> 00:34:29,986 That wasn't funny! 324 00:34:42,553 --> 00:34:44,430 I'm gonna make you a sandwich. 325 00:34:45,313 --> 00:34:46,462 Don't bother. 326 00:34:46,673 --> 00:34:49,983 Lose the earring, Michael. It's not you. It's definitely not you. 327 00:34:50,073 --> 00:34:50,903 Piss off. 328 00:34:50,993 --> 00:34:53,109 All you do is give attitude lately. 329 00:34:53,353 --> 00:34:55,742 You've been watching too much Dynasty. 330 00:35:33,313 --> 00:35:35,110 Mike, don't open the door! 331 00:35:52,393 --> 00:35:54,031 What's going on, Mike? 332 00:35:54,593 --> 00:35:55,992 Go take your bath. 333 00:38:06,953 --> 00:38:08,671 Michael, are you there? 334 00:38:10,873 --> 00:38:11,862 Nanook? 335 00:38:28,753 --> 00:38:30,425 Michael, what happened? 336 00:38:30,633 --> 00:38:32,351 - Nanook... - What about Nanook? 337 00:38:32,433 --> 00:38:34,185 What did you do to my dog, asshole? 338 00:38:34,273 --> 00:38:37,583 Nothing. I didn't hurt him. He bit me. This is my blood. 339 00:38:37,713 --> 00:38:39,351 Why did he bite you, huh? 340 00:38:39,433 --> 00:38:41,071 What did you do to him? 341 00:38:44,913 --> 00:38:46,471 He was protecting you. 342 00:38:48,673 --> 00:38:50,948 Look at your reflection in the mirror. 343 00:38:58,913 --> 00:39:00,631 You're a creature of the night. 344 00:39:00,713 --> 00:39:02,624 Just like out of a comic book. 345 00:39:02,953 --> 00:39:04,306 You're a vampire, Michael! 346 00:39:04,393 --> 00:39:06,907 My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire! 347 00:39:06,993 --> 00:39:08,665 Wait till Mom finds out! 348 00:39:08,833 --> 00:39:10,266 Sammy, wait! Sam! 349 00:39:10,473 --> 00:39:12,145 - Stay back! - Just let me talk... 350 00:39:12,233 --> 00:39:14,064 Wait a minute! Sam! 351 00:39:16,393 --> 00:39:18,270 Stay away from me, Mike! 352 00:39:50,553 --> 00:39:50,593 . 353 00:39:50,593 --> 00:39:52,470 You did the right thing by calling us. 354 00:39:52,553 --> 00:39:53,827 Does your brother sleep a lot? 355 00:39:53,913 --> 00:39:55,187 Yeah, all day. 356 00:39:55,473 --> 00:39:57,191 Does the sunlight freak him out? 357 00:39:57,273 --> 00:39:59,104 He wears sunglasses in the house. 358 00:39:59,193 --> 00:40:01,502 Bad breath? Long fingernails? 359 00:40:01,833 --> 00:40:04,301 Yeah, his fingernails are a bit longer... 360 00:40:04,393 --> 00:40:06,463 He always had bad breath, though. 361 00:40:07,153 --> 00:40:08,825 He's a vampire all right. 362 00:40:09,033 --> 00:40:10,591 Here's what you do. 363 00:40:10,793 --> 00:40:13,023 Get yourself a good sharp stake... 364 00:40:13,273 --> 00:40:14,786 ...and drive it through his heart. 365 00:40:14,873 --> 00:40:16,511 I can't do that! He's my brother! 366 00:40:16,593 --> 00:40:18,390 Okay, we'll come over and do it for you. 367 00:40:18,473 --> 00:40:19,189 No! 368 00:40:19,273 --> 00:40:21,992 You better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy. 369 00:40:22,073 --> 00:40:23,631 Or it's your funeral. 370 00:41:24,353 --> 00:41:25,183 Hello. 371 00:41:25,273 --> 00:41:27,025 Sam, is everything all right? 372 00:41:27,113 --> 00:41:30,469 Mom, I think we have to have a real long talk about something. 373 00:41:30,673 --> 00:41:31,822 Help! 374 00:41:31,953 --> 00:41:35,025 What's going on there? Sam, I'm starting to get worried. 375 00:41:36,753 --> 00:41:40,223 What are you doing? Is that Michael? Who's breathing like that? 376 00:41:41,033 --> 00:41:43,706 - We should stay calm. - Calm? Calm about what? 377 00:41:44,153 --> 00:41:47,270 - Nothing, nothing. - Who's making that noise? 378 00:41:47,713 --> 00:41:50,068 Mom, I can't talk on the phone. It's about Michael. 379 00:41:50,153 --> 00:41:52,906 Don't listen to him, Mom. He doesn't know what he's saying. 380 00:41:52,993 --> 00:41:53,903 Shut up! 381 00:41:53,993 --> 00:41:55,665 Mom! Help! He's coming to get me! 382 00:41:55,753 --> 00:41:57,186 Oh, my God! 383 00:41:58,513 --> 00:41:59,309 He'll kill me! 384 00:41:59,393 --> 00:42:00,826 Honey, I'm coming. 385 00:42:01,993 --> 00:42:04,188 Tell him to get away! No! Mom! 386 00:42:16,713 --> 00:42:18,066 Open up! 387 00:42:18,473 --> 00:42:19,701 Stay back! 388 00:42:19,833 --> 00:42:21,789 Sammy, help me! Open up! 389 00:42:21,873 --> 00:42:22,669 Help me! 390 00:42:22,753 --> 00:42:24,345 Sammy, open the window! 391 00:42:24,433 --> 00:42:25,627 Never! I knew it! 392 00:42:25,713 --> 00:42:26,668 I'm not! 393 00:42:26,753 --> 00:42:28,983 So what are you, the "flying nun"? 394 00:42:29,393 --> 00:42:31,987 I'm your brother, Sammy. Help me! 395 00:42:33,193 --> 00:42:35,024 Sammy, open up! 396 00:42:44,953 --> 00:42:46,386 Please? 397 00:42:47,393 --> 00:42:48,712 Please! 398 00:42:53,673 --> 00:42:54,822 Thanks. 399 00:42:56,873 --> 00:43:00,229 We've got to stick together, Sam. 400 00:43:00,673 --> 00:43:02,106 What about Mom? 401 00:43:02,193 --> 00:43:04,070 Just don't tell her anything. 402 00:43:04,713 --> 00:43:07,910 I don't know, Mike. It's not like getting a "D" in school. 403 00:43:11,193 --> 00:43:12,342 We're gonna work this out. 404 00:43:12,433 --> 00:43:14,822 I'm gonna work this out. Trust me, okay? 405 00:43:22,793 --> 00:43:24,511 Sam, are you all right? 406 00:43:24,593 --> 00:43:26,549 You had me scared to death. 407 00:43:27,513 --> 00:43:29,185 I'm okay. I was reading a horror comic. 408 00:43:29,273 --> 00:43:33,061 I thought I saw someone on my window, but I guess I got carried away. 409 00:43:33,233 --> 00:43:35,463 You got carried away by a comic book? 410 00:43:36,553 --> 00:43:38,942 It was a scary comic book, Mom. I'm sorry. 411 00:43:40,553 --> 00:43:43,545 You know, I've just about had it with the both of you. 412 00:43:47,513 --> 00:43:49,071 What is this mess? 413 00:43:49,673 --> 00:43:52,665 You spill milk on the kitchen floor and don't even bother to clean it up? 414 00:43:52,753 --> 00:43:53,708 I didn't spill it. 415 00:43:53,793 --> 00:43:56,705 I can't believe you. The refrigerator door's wide open! 416 00:43:56,793 --> 00:43:59,182 Are you trying to refrigerate the whole neighborhood? 417 00:43:59,273 --> 00:44:02,345 You know, it's not fair. I'd like to have a personal life, too. 418 00:44:02,433 --> 00:44:03,548 Where's Michael? 419 00:44:03,633 --> 00:44:05,191 He went to bed early. 420 00:44:28,313 --> 00:44:30,781 Mom? Can I sleep in here with you tonight? 421 00:44:30,913 --> 00:44:33,188 In here? Are you sure you're all right? 422 00:44:33,273 --> 00:44:35,264 I'm fine. It was a real scary comic, that's all. 423 00:44:35,353 --> 00:44:37,344 - Do you mind? - No, I don't mind. 424 00:44:39,433 --> 00:44:40,752 Have you been eating pizza? 425 00:44:40,833 --> 00:44:41,948 No. Why? 426 00:44:42,753 --> 00:44:44,345 You smell like garlic. 427 00:45:25,473 --> 00:45:26,792 Who's there? 428 00:45:29,953 --> 00:45:31,147 Hello, Thorn. 429 00:45:31,673 --> 00:45:34,107 Is that you, Thorn, making all that noise? 430 00:46:31,033 --> 00:46:32,625 I'm over here, Michael. 431 00:46:32,913 --> 00:46:34,790 What's happening to me, Star? 432 00:46:36,713 --> 00:46:38,590 What's happening to me, Star? 433 00:46:38,793 --> 00:46:40,306 Oh, Michael! 434 00:46:40,793 --> 00:46:43,865 Michael, I can't tell you. I don't know how to help you. 435 00:46:44,553 --> 00:46:45,952 What's happening? 436 00:48:46,993 --> 00:48:47,948 Hi. 437 00:48:50,233 --> 00:48:52,064 Aren't we friends anymore? 438 00:48:52,393 --> 00:48:53,348 Sure. 439 00:48:55,033 --> 00:48:58,184 Does that mean we are, or...? 440 00:48:58,713 --> 00:48:59,987 We are. 441 00:49:00,873 --> 00:49:02,591 Then let's act like friends. 442 00:49:02,673 --> 00:49:03,742 Let's talk. 443 00:49:06,913 --> 00:49:08,869 Michael, take off your glasses. 444 00:49:14,953 --> 00:49:16,386 Michael, look at me. 445 00:49:18,193 --> 00:49:19,751 If there's a girl... 446 00:49:19,873 --> 00:49:20,669 I'm tired, Mom. 447 00:49:20,753 --> 00:49:22,106 - We could talk about... - I'm tired. 448 00:49:22,193 --> 00:49:24,627 We can talk about anything you want to talk about. 449 00:49:24,713 --> 00:49:26,829 I have more serious things on my mind than girls and school. 450 00:49:26,913 --> 00:49:28,062 Things I'm dealing with... 451 00:49:28,153 --> 00:49:29,984 Things I wouldn't understand? 452 00:49:41,153 --> 00:49:44,350 Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night. 453 00:49:46,473 --> 00:49:48,907 Did you take care of everything, Michael? 454 00:50:07,913 --> 00:50:08,823 What's the wine for? 455 00:50:08,913 --> 00:50:11,711 My apology to Max for running out on him last night. 456 00:50:11,793 --> 00:50:14,148 Which, young man, you should be making. 457 00:50:18,793 --> 00:50:22,149 I better bring this up to the house or somebody's just gonna take it. 458 00:50:22,233 --> 00:50:23,871 All right, I'll be here. 459 00:50:35,513 --> 00:50:37,071 Hi, Thorn. 460 00:50:45,513 --> 00:50:46,548 Mom! 461 00:51:00,233 --> 00:51:02,622 Honey, get in the car! Get in the car! 462 00:51:04,833 --> 00:51:08,462 The dog chased my mom like the Hounds of Hell from Vampires Everywhere. 463 00:51:08,553 --> 00:51:12,432 We've been aware of some very serious vampire activity in town for a long time. 464 00:51:12,513 --> 00:51:14,981 Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead. 465 00:51:15,073 --> 00:51:17,268 As a matter of fact, we're almost certain that... 466 00:51:17,353 --> 00:51:20,470 ...ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at City Hall. 467 00:51:20,553 --> 00:51:22,942 Kill your brother. You'll feel better. 468 00:51:24,513 --> 00:51:26,822 Look, guys, my brother is not a bloodsucker. 469 00:51:26,913 --> 00:51:29,381 It says here that if you kill the head vampire... 470 00:51:29,473 --> 00:51:31,668 ...all half-vampires will return to normal. 471 00:51:31,753 --> 00:51:34,665 Guys, if my brother's a vampire, believe me, he's only half. 472 00:51:34,753 --> 00:51:36,869 Does he know who the head vampire is? 473 00:51:36,953 --> 00:51:38,466 No, I don't think so. 474 00:51:38,873 --> 00:51:40,704 Then you'll have to kill him. 475 00:51:40,793 --> 00:51:42,192 And if you don't... 476 00:51:42,953 --> 00:51:44,022 ...we will. 477 00:51:45,193 --> 00:51:48,503 It all started when my mom went to work at Max's video store. 478 00:51:49,553 --> 00:51:51,942 Max never comes in till after it's dark. 479 00:51:52,073 --> 00:51:54,633 The dog who chased my mom this morning was his. 480 00:51:54,713 --> 00:51:58,626 Listen to this: "Vampires require a daytime protector, a guardian... 481 00:51:58,953 --> 00:52:00,591 "...to watch over them as they sleep. 482 00:52:00,673 --> 00:52:04,586 "Fierce dogs, the Hounds of Hell, are often employed for this purpose." 483 00:52:05,873 --> 00:52:08,751 What happens if my mom is dating the head vampire? 484 00:52:09,553 --> 00:52:11,942 You could nail him and save Santa Carla. 485 00:52:12,073 --> 00:52:14,906 "Truth, Justice, the American way" triumphs. 486 00:52:15,393 --> 00:52:16,792 Thanks to you two. 487 00:52:18,433 --> 00:52:19,866 We'll check out Max. 488 00:52:49,153 --> 00:52:50,632 Smells good. When do we eat? 489 00:52:50,713 --> 00:52:52,624 I told Max eight o'clock. 490 00:52:52,713 --> 00:52:53,623 Max? 491 00:52:53,713 --> 00:52:55,146 Are we going to have company again? 492 00:52:55,233 --> 00:52:56,382 Again? 493 00:52:56,473 --> 00:52:59,749 You haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago. 494 00:52:59,833 --> 00:53:01,983 Right. Now we're gonna have company again. 495 00:53:02,073 --> 00:53:05,270 Michael, Max is coming to dinner. I'd like you to meet him. 496 00:53:05,353 --> 00:53:06,991 I can't. I have plans. 497 00:53:07,113 --> 00:53:08,262 Michael... 498 00:53:09,193 --> 00:53:12,265 Things will change around this house when school starts. 499 00:53:15,513 --> 00:53:17,981 How you doing? You must be Michael, right? 500 00:53:19,673 --> 00:53:21,550 And you must be Max. 501 00:53:29,353 --> 00:53:31,503 Well, you're the man of the house... 502 00:53:31,673 --> 00:53:33,903 ...and I'm not coming in until you invite me. 503 00:53:33,993 --> 00:53:35,221 You're invited. 504 00:53:36,273 --> 00:53:37,626 Thanks very much. 505 00:53:47,273 --> 00:53:48,149 Hello. 506 00:53:48,233 --> 00:53:50,383 Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in. 507 00:53:50,593 --> 00:53:52,788 Is it okay for the guest to see the food before dinner? 508 00:53:52,873 --> 00:53:56,309 You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. 509 00:53:56,393 --> 00:53:58,861 Oh, yeah. I always get those confused. 510 00:53:59,433 --> 00:54:01,151 Thorn sends his apologies. 511 00:54:01,313 --> 00:54:03,031 Tell him I'm walking again. 512 00:54:04,273 --> 00:54:06,548 He promises to behave if you come back. 513 00:54:12,553 --> 00:54:13,702 Mom? 514 00:54:14,793 --> 00:54:16,146 These are my dinner guests. 515 00:54:16,233 --> 00:54:18,383 Edgar and Alan. The Frog brothers. 516 00:54:19,313 --> 00:54:21,588 I didn't know you were having guests. 517 00:54:21,673 --> 00:54:25,029 If we'll be in your way, we can eat some peanut butter in the kitchen. 518 00:54:25,113 --> 00:54:27,069 No, no, there's plenty for everybody. 519 00:54:27,153 --> 00:54:30,543 Max, this is my son, Sam, and Edgar and Alan... Frog? 520 00:54:33,193 --> 00:54:34,308 Lucy, this looks terrific. 521 00:54:34,393 --> 00:54:36,224 Well, I hope it tastes good. 522 00:54:36,713 --> 00:54:38,271 Tastes wonderful. 523 00:54:39,673 --> 00:54:42,710 Boy! Somebody around here has bad breath! 524 00:54:48,753 --> 00:54:50,823 Nanook, would you quit breathing on me! 525 00:54:50,913 --> 00:54:52,824 Nanook, get upstairs. Go on. 526 00:54:58,713 --> 00:55:00,943 You want some Parmesan cheese on that? 527 00:55:01,033 --> 00:55:03,024 Yeah, Sam. Thank you very much. 528 00:55:03,513 --> 00:55:05,822 Sam grated the cheese himself. My son. 529 00:55:10,313 --> 00:55:12,702 A budding chef in the family. 530 00:55:18,953 --> 00:55:20,352 Are you all right? 531 00:55:22,353 --> 00:55:24,230 It's not cheese, it's garlic. 532 00:55:24,553 --> 00:55:25,906 You hate garlic, don't you? 533 00:55:25,993 --> 00:55:28,826 No, I like garlic. It's just too much... 534 00:55:29,473 --> 00:55:30,792 It's raw garlic. 535 00:55:31,633 --> 00:55:33,544 Garlic? How did that happen? 536 00:55:33,673 --> 00:55:35,186 Guys, he likes garlic. 537 00:55:36,753 --> 00:55:38,709 Here. Quick, drink some water! 538 00:55:39,993 --> 00:55:42,461 Sam, what's the matter with you? 539 00:55:42,633 --> 00:55:43,702 Does it burn? 540 00:55:43,793 --> 00:55:45,306 Burn? Are you nuts? 541 00:55:45,673 --> 00:55:47,026 It's freezing! 542 00:55:47,153 --> 00:55:49,587 Look at your suit, Max. And your pants. 543 00:55:49,713 --> 00:55:51,590 Oh, I'm so sorry. 544 00:55:52,873 --> 00:55:53,783 Now what? 545 00:55:53,873 --> 00:55:55,591 Must be a circuit breaker. 546 00:55:55,873 --> 00:55:56,828 He's not glowing. 547 00:55:56,913 --> 00:55:58,585 I know. Hit the lights. 548 00:56:01,353 --> 00:56:03,583 Sam! What's gotten into you tonight? 549 00:56:03,833 --> 00:56:05,744 I think I know what's going on here. 550 00:56:05,833 --> 00:56:06,788 You do? 551 00:56:07,153 --> 00:56:08,063 Yeah. 552 00:56:08,913 --> 00:56:11,222 I know what you're thinking, Sam. But you're wrong. 553 00:56:11,313 --> 00:56:12,462 - I am? - Yeah. 554 00:56:13,033 --> 00:56:15,024 I'm not trying to replace your father... 555 00:56:15,113 --> 00:56:16,990 ...or steal your mother away from you. 556 00:56:17,073 --> 00:56:19,792 I would just like to be your friend. That's all. 557 00:56:20,153 --> 00:56:21,506 Good night, Lucy. 558 00:56:21,993 --> 00:56:23,187 Thanks a lot! 559 00:56:23,433 --> 00:56:24,866 I'm sorry, Mom. 560 00:56:25,113 --> 00:56:26,546 Max, I'm so sorry. 561 00:56:28,313 --> 00:56:29,541 Major mistake. 562 00:56:31,433 --> 00:56:34,470 Our batting average isn't terrific, is it? Zero for two. 563 00:56:34,993 --> 00:56:36,745 You were so sweet to him. 564 00:56:36,873 --> 00:56:39,671 I don't know what got into him. He's not like that. 565 00:56:39,753 --> 00:56:43,223 Kids Sam's age need discipline, otherwise they run all over you. 566 00:56:43,473 --> 00:56:45,191 He doesn't run over me. 567 00:56:45,993 --> 00:56:47,346 Protecting mother. 568 00:56:49,993 --> 00:56:51,426 Let's try it once more. 569 00:56:51,513 --> 00:56:53,629 Dinner, my house, tomorrow night. 570 00:56:54,793 --> 00:56:56,226 - I'm cooking. - Okay. 571 00:57:15,553 --> 00:57:16,747 Where is she? 572 00:57:19,593 --> 00:57:21,151 Take it easy, Michael. 573 00:57:21,313 --> 00:57:23,349 Where's Star, David? 574 00:57:24,633 --> 00:57:27,101 If you ever want to see Star again... 575 00:57:27,553 --> 00:57:29,589 ...you better come with us now. 576 00:58:12,713 --> 00:58:15,181 Michael, over here. 577 00:58:22,233 --> 00:58:24,064 You don't want to miss this. 578 00:58:46,593 --> 00:58:48,982 Initiation's over, Michael. 579 00:58:49,713 --> 00:58:51,271 Time to join the club. 580 01:00:21,793 --> 01:00:23,465 Now you know what we are. 581 01:00:23,913 --> 01:00:25,585 Now you know what you are. 582 01:00:26,473 --> 01:00:28,384 You'll never grow old, Michael. 583 01:00:29,553 --> 01:00:31,430 And you'll never die. 584 01:00:33,193 --> 01:00:34,626 But you must feed. 585 01:00:59,633 --> 01:01:02,705 I wish Grandpa would stop giving me these stupid things. 586 01:01:13,473 --> 01:01:15,111 I know who I am now, Sam. 587 01:01:15,353 --> 01:01:16,786 Don't kill me, Mike! 588 01:01:17,193 --> 01:01:19,661 I'm basically a good kid, so don't kill me! 589 01:01:20,233 --> 01:01:21,382 I can help you. 590 01:01:21,473 --> 01:01:23,623 Just tell me who the head vampire is. 591 01:01:23,713 --> 01:01:25,749 I thought it was Max, but I was wrong. 592 01:01:25,833 --> 01:01:28,347 Just work with me and I can help you. You'll be okay. 593 01:01:28,433 --> 01:01:29,422 Michael! 594 01:01:30,153 --> 01:01:31,142 Michael! 595 01:01:32,993 --> 01:01:35,029 It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them? 596 01:01:35,113 --> 01:01:37,627 - I have to talk to you. Can I come up? - No! 597 01:01:38,473 --> 01:01:40,782 You shut the window and lock your door. 598 01:01:44,033 --> 01:01:45,432 She's one of them! 599 01:01:46,153 --> 01:01:49,304 And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike! 600 01:01:50,273 --> 01:01:52,912 You know where David took me tonight, don't you, Star? 601 01:01:52,993 --> 01:01:53,948 Who's David? 602 01:01:54,033 --> 01:01:55,989 Yes, and it's my fault. 603 01:01:56,313 --> 01:01:59,111 If you hadn't met me, if I hadn't liked you... 604 01:01:59,513 --> 01:02:00,946 I tried to warn you. 605 01:02:01,153 --> 01:02:03,587 It was that night in the cave, wasn't it? 606 01:02:03,753 --> 01:02:06,711 That wasn't wine they gave me to drink. It was blood. 607 01:02:07,113 --> 01:02:08,341 That was David's blood. 608 01:02:08,433 --> 01:02:10,822 You drank someone's blood? Are you crazy? 609 01:02:11,513 --> 01:02:13,424 I'm just like David now, Star. 610 01:02:13,513 --> 01:02:15,947 No, you're not. You're like Laddie and me. 611 01:02:16,033 --> 01:02:19,184 - We're not one of them... - Until you make your first kill! 612 01:02:20,433 --> 01:02:22,469 Why didn't you kill me last night? 613 01:02:23,473 --> 01:02:25,509 You were supposed to be my first. 614 01:02:26,193 --> 01:02:27,831 That's what David wanted. 615 01:02:31,153 --> 01:02:32,791 But I couldn't, Michael. 616 01:02:32,993 --> 01:02:33,823 Why? 617 01:02:34,833 --> 01:02:37,393 Because you care so much about me? 618 01:02:37,713 --> 01:02:38,782 Yes, I do. 619 01:02:47,953 --> 01:02:50,751 What are you doing here? What do you want from me? 620 01:02:51,753 --> 01:02:54,665 I wanted to tell you that it's not too late for you. 621 01:02:56,873 --> 01:02:59,512 But for me it gets harder and harder to resist. 622 01:02:59,633 --> 01:03:00,907 I'm weak. 623 01:03:01,233 --> 01:03:03,428 Why did you come here tonight, Star? 624 01:03:04,193 --> 01:03:06,627 I was hoping you would help Laddie and me. 625 01:03:17,113 --> 01:03:18,148 Star! 626 01:03:18,593 --> 01:03:21,107 Don't kill anybody until we get back to you. 627 01:03:22,793 --> 01:03:24,112 What are you doing? 628 01:03:24,193 --> 01:03:25,706 I've got connections. 629 01:03:39,593 --> 01:03:41,311 Okay. Where's Nosferatu? 630 01:03:41,433 --> 01:03:42,832 - Who? - The Prince of Darkness. 631 01:03:42,913 --> 01:03:44,312 The night crawler. The bloodsucker. 632 01:03:44,393 --> 01:03:45,587 El Vampiro. 633 01:03:45,673 --> 01:03:47,425 Mike, they're here! 634 01:03:59,713 --> 01:04:02,307 Grandpa, okay if we borrow the car? 635 01:04:27,513 --> 01:04:29,071 Weapons check. 636 01:04:35,153 --> 01:04:36,586 I don't want you going down there. 637 01:04:36,673 --> 01:04:37,822 I'm going. 638 01:04:37,913 --> 01:04:40,632 Look, this isn't a comic book, Sammy. These guys are brutal killers. 639 01:04:40,713 --> 01:04:42,385 So are the Frog brothers. 640 01:04:43,113 --> 01:04:44,307 Check me. 641 01:04:44,673 --> 01:04:47,471 Who'd you rather have go down there with you? Them or me? 642 01:04:47,553 --> 01:04:50,704 If something happens down there, I won't have the strength to protect you. 643 01:04:50,793 --> 01:04:52,545 This time I'll protect you. 644 01:04:53,313 --> 01:04:56,305 Even though you're a vampire, you're still my brother. 645 01:04:57,313 --> 01:05:01,511 Listen, just so you know: If you try to stop us, or vamp-out in any way... 646 01:05:01,673 --> 01:05:04,665 ...I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it. 647 01:05:04,753 --> 01:05:06,152 Chill out, Edgar. 648 01:05:09,353 --> 01:05:11,628 Where did you say you met these guys? 649 01:05:15,593 --> 01:05:16,662 Holy shit! 650 01:05:16,753 --> 01:05:17,981 Vampire hotel! 651 01:05:21,553 --> 01:05:23,350 Here's one. Let's stake her! 652 01:05:23,433 --> 01:05:24,661 Don't you touch her! 653 01:05:24,753 --> 01:05:26,391 Stay away from her! 654 01:05:26,553 --> 01:05:29,021 Come on, vampires have such rotten tempers. 655 01:05:31,793 --> 01:05:35,263 The rest of them have got to be here someplace. We'll find 'em. 656 01:05:36,553 --> 01:05:37,702 Star? 657 01:05:40,033 --> 01:05:42,593 - I'm taking you out of here. - No, take Laddie first. 658 01:05:42,673 --> 01:05:43,628 Please? 659 01:05:45,473 --> 01:05:48,192 I feel a draft. I think there's something up here. 660 01:05:48,273 --> 01:05:50,468 - Let's check it out, Sam. - Come on. 661 01:05:56,753 --> 01:05:58,505 I'll be right back, Mike. 662 01:05:59,753 --> 01:06:00,663 I hope. 663 01:06:00,753 --> 01:06:02,471 Come on, Sam, let's go. 664 01:06:02,593 --> 01:06:03,867 Move out! Move! 665 01:06:08,873 --> 01:06:09,589 Flies! 666 01:06:09,673 --> 01:06:10,901 We're on the right trail. 667 01:06:10,993 --> 01:06:13,587 Flies and the undead go together, like bullets and guns. 668 01:06:13,673 --> 01:06:14,662 Come on! 669 01:06:35,593 --> 01:06:37,026 What's that smell? 670 01:06:37,953 --> 01:06:40,945 Vampires, my friend. Vampires. 671 01:07:00,153 --> 01:07:01,711 It's freezing in here. 672 01:07:05,953 --> 01:07:08,023 It looks like a dead end. Let's head back. 673 01:07:08,113 --> 01:07:10,991 They must have hidden their coffins here someplace. 674 01:07:11,433 --> 01:07:13,105 There's nothing here. Let's go, guys. 675 01:07:13,193 --> 01:07:14,182 Jesus! 676 01:07:22,233 --> 01:07:24,144 I thought they'd be in coffins. 677 01:07:24,233 --> 01:07:25,427 That's what this cave is. 678 01:07:25,513 --> 01:07:27,026 It's one giant coffin. 679 01:07:30,633 --> 01:07:32,544 Right now they're at their most vulnerable. 680 01:07:32,633 --> 01:07:33,827 Easy pickings. 681 01:07:33,913 --> 01:07:35,904 Remember, you just have to kill the leader. 682 01:07:35,993 --> 01:07:37,904 We don't know which one he is. 683 01:07:38,193 --> 01:07:40,229 I guess we'll just have to kill them all. 684 01:07:40,313 --> 01:07:43,908 Let's start with the little one. First come, first staked. 685 01:07:44,193 --> 01:07:46,753 What was that, a little vampire humor? 686 01:07:47,113 --> 01:07:48,512 It wasn't funny. 687 01:07:53,393 --> 01:07:54,792 No! 688 01:07:55,513 --> 01:07:57,424 Good night, bloodsucker! 689 01:08:18,033 --> 01:08:19,910 You're dead meat! 690 01:08:41,913 --> 01:08:43,631 Get him into the sunlight! 691 01:09:09,233 --> 01:09:10,427 Tonight... 692 01:09:12,633 --> 01:09:12,673 . 693 01:09:12,673 --> 01:09:14,425 Mike! Start the car! 694 01:09:23,513 --> 01:09:25,310 - We blew it, man! We lost it! - Shut up! 695 01:09:25,393 --> 01:09:27,668 - We unraveled in the face of the enemy! - It's not our fault. 696 01:09:27,753 --> 01:09:30,267 They pulled a mind-scramble on us! They opened their eyes and talked! 697 01:09:30,353 --> 01:09:31,832 I'll drive. 698 01:09:32,113 --> 01:09:33,592 We don't ride with vampires. 699 01:09:33,673 --> 01:09:35,026 Fine. Stay here. 700 01:09:37,193 --> 01:09:38,546 - We do now. - Yeah. 701 01:09:39,313 --> 01:09:41,543 Come on! Sam, let's get out of here! 702 01:09:42,513 --> 01:09:43,662 Burn rubber! 703 01:09:50,153 --> 01:09:53,190 "Burn rubber" does not mean warp speed! 704 01:10:03,433 --> 01:10:04,502 Cool it, Nanook! 705 01:10:04,593 --> 01:10:06,231 Your dog knows a flesh-eater when he smells one. 706 01:10:06,313 --> 01:10:08,065 Take him outside, Sam. 707 01:10:08,673 --> 01:10:10,311 Come on, Nanook. 708 01:10:13,033 --> 01:10:14,102 Michael. 709 01:10:15,433 --> 01:10:18,231 Do you know the rule about filling up the car with gas... 710 01:10:18,313 --> 01:10:20,269 ...when you take it without asking? 711 01:10:20,353 --> 01:10:21,672 No, Grandpa. 712 01:10:22,393 --> 01:10:23,587 Now you do. 713 01:10:32,873 --> 01:10:34,386 We definitely blew Plan A. 714 01:10:34,473 --> 01:10:35,462 Time to activate Plan B. 715 01:10:35,553 --> 01:10:37,066 - What's Plan B? - We don't have one yet. 716 01:10:37,153 --> 01:10:38,871 We have two and a half hours to come up with one. 717 01:10:38,953 --> 01:10:40,068 What happens then? 718 01:10:40,153 --> 01:10:42,713 The sun goes down. They'll be looking for us. 719 01:10:49,353 --> 01:10:50,786 Sam, what are you doing here? 720 01:10:50,873 --> 01:10:53,262 I've got to tell you something. It's real important. 721 01:10:53,353 --> 01:10:55,583 Santa Carla is crawling with vampires. 722 01:10:55,913 --> 01:10:56,948 Mom, I'm serious! 723 01:10:57,033 --> 01:10:59,342 Edgar staked one of them. It was screaming and fizzing! 724 01:10:59,433 --> 01:11:01,230 Look, there's evidence on my sweater! 725 01:11:01,313 --> 01:11:03,304 Mom, you've got to tell someone! 726 01:11:03,633 --> 01:11:05,828 - You've got to tell someone! - This isn't funny! 727 01:11:05,913 --> 01:11:08,473 I'm not kidding! They're coming to the house when it gets dark! 728 01:11:08,553 --> 01:11:10,669 Stop it! Right now! Stop it! 729 01:11:11,353 --> 01:11:12,945 - But, Mom... - Not another word! 730 01:11:13,033 --> 01:11:14,227 I don't believe you're doing this. 731 01:11:14,313 --> 01:11:16,349 I want to see Max tonight, and you're trying to ruin it for me. 732 01:11:16,433 --> 01:11:17,502 No, I'm not. 733 01:11:17,593 --> 01:11:20,630 There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why you don't want me... 734 01:11:20,713 --> 01:11:23,227 I'm not talking about Max! To hell with Max! 735 01:11:25,473 --> 01:11:27,623 I'll deal with you later, young man! 736 01:11:33,233 --> 01:11:35,030 Guys, we're on our own. 737 01:11:35,193 --> 01:11:37,468 Good. That's just the way we like it. 738 01:12:09,393 --> 01:12:12,465 Widow Johnson called. Said to pick her up at seven, not eight. 739 01:12:12,553 --> 01:12:14,225 We've got a date tonight? 740 01:12:14,433 --> 01:12:16,663 I guess so. She said not to be late. 741 01:12:17,433 --> 01:12:19,344 I better get cleaned up, then. 742 01:12:40,393 --> 01:12:42,145 Die, Mr. Vampire! 743 01:13:03,473 --> 01:13:06,146 They'll be coming for Laddie and me, won't they? 744 01:13:07,273 --> 01:13:09,264 They'll be coming for all of us. 745 01:13:11,073 --> 01:13:12,745 Laddie, wake up. 746 01:14:24,593 --> 01:14:26,549 - Oh, it's delicious. - Thank you. 747 01:14:28,713 --> 01:14:30,192 Thorn, stop that! 748 01:14:32,313 --> 01:14:33,905 What's the matter, Lucy? 749 01:14:33,993 --> 01:14:36,302 It's just old memories coming back. 750 01:14:36,513 --> 01:14:39,027 No, seriously. Why are you so jumpy tonight? 751 01:14:39,113 --> 01:14:40,512 Well, it's something Sam... 752 01:14:40,593 --> 01:14:42,231 He came into the store... 753 01:14:42,313 --> 01:14:45,066 It was just a kid's imagination, I'm sure, but... 754 01:14:45,233 --> 01:14:47,224 ...he seemed so sincere, but... 755 01:14:48,073 --> 01:14:49,108 It's insane. 756 01:14:49,193 --> 01:14:51,263 Tell me. I promise not to laugh. 757 01:14:51,593 --> 01:14:52,548 Honest. 758 01:14:57,913 --> 01:14:59,392 I think I should warn you all: 759 01:14:59,473 --> 01:15:02,033 When a vampire dies, it's never a pretty sight. 760 01:15:02,113 --> 01:15:04,547 No two bloodsuckers go out the same way. 761 01:15:04,793 --> 01:15:06,943 Some yell and scream. Some go quietly. 762 01:15:07,033 --> 01:15:08,864 Some explode. Some implode. 763 01:15:09,513 --> 01:15:11,788 But all will try to take you with them. 764 01:15:28,513 --> 01:15:30,265 Nanook! I left him outside. 765 01:15:30,353 --> 01:15:32,264 Don't go out there! Stop him! 766 01:15:34,713 --> 01:15:36,385 - Sam, come back! - No way! 767 01:15:59,833 --> 01:16:01,949 Michael, they're coming! 768 01:16:04,153 --> 01:16:05,666 They're coming! 769 01:16:07,873 --> 01:16:09,306 Hurry up, man! 770 01:16:21,513 --> 01:16:23,151 Take them upstairs! 771 01:16:38,793 --> 01:16:41,546 - I say we terminate them right now. - Laddie, run! 772 01:16:49,513 --> 01:16:51,151 You're mine. 773 01:16:52,313 --> 01:16:53,428 You killed Marko. 774 01:16:53,513 --> 01:16:54,832 Yeah. You're next. 775 01:16:54,913 --> 01:16:56,392 No. You're next. 776 01:17:01,913 --> 01:17:03,790 Garlic don't work, boys. 777 01:17:03,873 --> 01:17:05,943 Try the holy water, death breath! 778 01:18:33,753 --> 01:18:34,947 Mike, wake up. 779 01:19:13,433 --> 01:19:14,832 You missed, sucker. 780 01:19:15,033 --> 01:19:16,307 Only once, pal. 781 01:19:45,753 --> 01:19:47,425 Death by stereo. 782 01:20:19,473 --> 01:20:20,508 Hey, it's me. 783 01:20:20,593 --> 01:20:21,548 Are you okay? 784 01:20:21,633 --> 01:20:24,591 I nailed one of them downstairs with a bow and arrow. 785 01:20:25,793 --> 01:20:27,829 We trashed the one that looked like Twisted Sister. 786 01:20:27,913 --> 01:20:30,473 We totally annihilated his night stalkin' ass! 787 01:20:31,793 --> 01:20:33,511 And Nanook helped a little. 788 01:20:34,593 --> 01:20:36,231 Death to all vampires! 789 01:20:36,313 --> 01:20:37,712 Maximum body count. 790 01:20:37,833 --> 01:20:39,346 We are awesome monster bashers! 791 01:20:39,433 --> 01:20:40,502 The meanest! 792 01:20:40,593 --> 01:20:41,821 The baddest! 793 01:21:00,473 --> 01:21:01,383 Holy shit! 794 01:21:01,473 --> 01:21:03,703 The attack of Eddie Munster! Get him! 795 01:21:04,033 --> 01:21:06,706 Stop! Get away from him! Just stay away from him! 796 01:21:06,793 --> 01:21:08,385 He's just a little boy! 797 01:21:26,233 --> 01:21:28,224 You're afraid to face me, David? 798 01:21:34,473 --> 01:21:36,111 I tried to make you immortal. 799 01:21:36,193 --> 01:21:38,104 You tried to make me a killer! 800 01:21:47,753 --> 01:21:49,152 You are a killer. 801 01:22:11,073 --> 01:22:12,267 My turn. 802 01:22:21,113 --> 01:22:24,867 Stop fighting me, Michael. I don't want to kill you. 803 01:22:25,833 --> 01:22:26,788 Join us. 804 01:22:27,673 --> 01:22:28,822 Never! 805 01:22:31,953 --> 01:22:34,626 It's too late. My blood is in your veins. 806 01:22:37,833 --> 01:22:39,471 So is mine! 807 01:23:39,273 --> 01:23:41,264 Don't let them see me like this. 808 01:23:45,233 --> 01:23:46,427 Get away, Sam. 809 01:23:47,273 --> 01:23:49,707 - Michael, what's wrong? - I said, get away! 810 01:23:54,473 --> 01:23:56,941 What's the big deal? You destroyed the head vampire. 811 01:23:57,033 --> 01:23:58,022 It's all over. 812 01:23:58,113 --> 01:23:59,512 Nothing's changed. 813 01:23:59,793 --> 01:24:02,148 He's right. I don't feel any different. 814 01:24:02,273 --> 01:24:04,104 Then there's still one more. 815 01:24:10,993 --> 01:24:13,223 I'll handle Mom. Come on, go. 816 01:24:13,353 --> 01:24:15,184 Don't let her see the bodies. 817 01:24:17,313 --> 01:24:18,462 What happened? 818 01:24:19,593 --> 01:24:20,946 Where is Michael? 819 01:24:21,313 --> 01:24:23,031 What happened to your face? 820 01:24:23,233 --> 01:24:25,030 What happened to your face? 821 01:24:47,593 --> 01:24:51,222 I don't want to hear another word from you until I talk to Michael. 822 01:24:51,433 --> 01:24:52,866 I'm sorry, Lucy. 823 01:24:53,553 --> 01:24:55,032 This is all my fault. 824 01:24:55,753 --> 01:24:57,630 David and my boys misbehaved. 825 01:24:58,833 --> 01:25:01,028 I told you, boys need a mother. 826 01:25:01,273 --> 01:25:03,264 Max, what are you talking about? 827 01:25:05,273 --> 01:25:07,662 I knew it! You're the head vampire! 828 01:25:07,833 --> 01:25:09,551 Sam, don't start this again. 829 01:25:09,633 --> 01:25:12,147 You're the secret that David was protecting. 830 01:25:13,793 --> 01:25:14,828 Who's this? 831 01:25:14,913 --> 01:25:16,551 But you passed the test. 832 01:25:17,513 --> 01:25:21,062 Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. 833 01:25:21,313 --> 01:25:22,951 It renders you powerless. 834 01:25:23,633 --> 01:25:24,952 Did you know that? 835 01:25:25,033 --> 01:25:26,068 Of course. 836 01:25:26,153 --> 01:25:27,472 Everyone knows that. 837 01:25:27,553 --> 01:25:31,068 Has everyone gone crazy? What's the matter with all of you? 838 01:25:31,953 --> 01:25:34,308 It was you I was after, all along, Lucy. 839 01:25:34,473 --> 01:25:35,428 What? 840 01:25:35,593 --> 01:25:36,628 I knew... 841 01:25:37,513 --> 01:25:40,630 ...that if I could get Sam and Michael into the family... 842 01:25:41,033 --> 01:25:42,705 ...there was no way you could say no. 843 01:25:42,793 --> 01:25:44,192 Where's Michael? 844 01:25:44,393 --> 01:25:46,782 It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. 845 01:25:50,553 --> 01:25:52,623 Just like one big happy family. 846 01:25:55,633 --> 01:25:56,827 Your boys... 847 01:25:58,313 --> 01:25:59,507 ...and my boys. 848 01:25:59,593 --> 01:26:02,107 Great. "The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch." 849 01:26:03,433 --> 01:26:05,025 I still want you, Lucy. 850 01:26:07,113 --> 01:26:09,388 I haven't changed my mind about that. 851 01:26:10,033 --> 01:26:12,183 I didn't invite you this time, Max! 852 01:26:12,433 --> 01:26:13,946 Michael! 853 01:26:30,633 --> 01:26:32,351 Don't you touch my mother! 854 01:26:41,713 --> 01:26:44,910 Don't fight, Lucy. It's so much better if you don't fight. 855 01:26:46,033 --> 01:26:47,352 Mom, don't! 856 01:26:48,513 --> 01:26:50,629 Don't do it, Mom! Mom, don't do it! 857 01:27:46,673 --> 01:27:48,311 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 858 01:28:08,193 --> 01:28:09,706 It's over. 859 01:28:20,073 --> 01:28:21,506 Is everybody okay? 860 01:28:29,993 --> 01:28:31,585 Oh, my boys. 861 01:28:32,233 --> 01:28:35,191 How much do you think we should charge them for this? 862 01:28:42,633 --> 01:28:43,622 Dad? 863 01:28:49,873 --> 01:28:51,511 Dad, are you all right? 864 01:28:56,913 --> 01:29:00,349 One thing about livin' in Santa Carla I never could stomach... 865 01:29:01,513 --> 01:29:03,469 All the damn vampires.