1
00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:11,846
WOMAN: I just don't want
to make one of these tapes
2
00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:13,765
if it's something you do
with every girl.
3
00:00:13,932 --> 00:00:18,520
MAN: Every girl? No, no.
I am strictly a one-woman guy.
4
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,967
WOMAN: Well, I don't want to end up
all over the Internet.
5
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:23,149
I pride myself on keeping a low profile.
6
00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:25,735
- My private life is private.
- Hm.
7
00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:31,157
Wait. I thought you never did this
before. What are all these?
8
00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:34,202
Oh, uh, just some movies I rented.
9
00:00:34,953 --> 00:00:36,074
"Me and Brandy, Missionary"?
10
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:38,915
A tale of two girls who become nuns.
11
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,458
"Me and Brandy, Doggy"?
12
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:44,128
The sequel. The nuns
adopt a chocolate lab.
13
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,297
What are all those?
14
00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:47,799
Oh, that's just your standard
15
00:00:47,966 --> 00:00:50,343
home security setup.
Basic run-of-the mill.
16
00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:53,012
No big deal, nothing too elaborate.
Everybody has them.
17
00:00:53,179 --> 00:00:55,890
And why do you need security cameras
pointing at your bed?
18
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:58,351
In case a burglar tries
to steal my sex tapes.
19
00:00:58,518 --> 00:00:59,769
Now, let's get into bed.
20
00:00:59,936 --> 00:01:02,536
Let's just make this quick.
I have a court hearing in the morning.
21
00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:05,441
- Judge Henderson?
- No. I wish. Thompson.
22
00:01:05,608 --> 00:01:07,694
Mm. That's going to suck for you.
23
00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:10,196
It was a driving mishap thingy.
24
00:01:10,363 --> 00:01:12,282
Do me a favor.
Promise me you won't drive.
25
00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:14,325
That's sweet.
You're worried about me driving.
26
00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:17,579
Mm-mm. I'm worried about me.
I'm a pedestrian.
27
00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,206
(ELECTRICAL BUZZ)
- Ow!
28
00:01:20,373 --> 00:01:22,834
Sorry. That's my sobriety monitor.
29
00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:25,670
(ELECTRICAL BUZZ)
- Ow!
30
00:01:25,837 --> 00:01:27,839
Sorry. Sorry. (CLEARS THROAT)
31
00:01:28,006 --> 00:01:29,591
Ankle. Tracking bracelet.
32
00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:33,386
- Oh, wait. Wait. Sorry, just...
(MOTOR RUMBLING)
33
00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:37,557
- Who put that on you?
- I did.
34
00:01:37,724 --> 00:01:39,309
It's the only way
I can have an orgasm.
35
00:01:40,977 --> 00:01:42,937
- Not tonight.
(EXHALES)
36
00:01:44,814 --> 00:01:46,524
(BED SPRINGS SQUEAKING)
37
00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:53,990
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
38
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:58,244
Just... warming up.
39
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:03,207
You sure we're alone here? Feels like
there's somebody else in this house.
40
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,835
(SCREAM ECHOING)
- Did you hear that?
41
00:02:06,002 --> 00:02:08,212
That's nothing.
42
00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:09,619
(CREAKING)
- OK, what is that?
43
00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:11,966
Just... unraveling the old hose.
44
00:02:12,925 --> 00:02:14,802
Save it for tomorrow, Raul.
45
00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:16,596
Si, senor.
46
00:02:17,347 --> 00:02:19,682
(SOFT JAZZ PLAYING)
47
00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:24,312
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
48
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:06,145
(BELL DINGS)
49
00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,029
(BELL DINGS)
50
00:03:19,117 --> 00:03:20,118
(HORN HONKS)
51
00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:32,880
- Wow. That was amazing.
(PANTING)
52
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,507
(HORSE WHINNIES)
53
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:38,219
LINDSAY: Charlie.
54
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,639
- Wow.
- Get out of here, Emilio.
55
00:03:41,806 --> 00:03:43,099
(SHRIEK ECHOES)
(GASPS)
56
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,475
(GROANING)
57
00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:46,310
Charlie, I'm scared.
58
00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,437
Lindsay, sweetie,
there's nothing to be afraid of.
59
00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:50,022
(SCREAMING)
60
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,651
(SHRIEKS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
61
00:03:53,818 --> 00:03:56,178
MAN: Hey, I got the stuff.
- I got to call you back, man.
62
00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:58,614
(GROANS) Ow!
63
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,660
(BOTH SCREAMING)
64
00:04:06,998 --> 00:04:08,458
I think I better go.
65
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,085
Really? How about tomorrow? You busy?
66
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,962
(SCREAMING)
67
00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:18,009
I'm going to blow you
across the room.
68
00:04:18,176 --> 00:04:19,469
Sounds awesome.
69
00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:21,888
(HISSES)
(GRUNTS)
70
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,003
NARRATOR: And thus our story begins.
71
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:57,673
The large reward offered
for the rescue of Charlie's kids
72
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,384
drew the attention of police,
private detectives
73
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,929
and Red Cross volunteers.
74
00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:06,140
Everyone was on high alert
for these children,
75
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:08,184
except these two guys.
76
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:11,813
No, man, Obamacare gives senior citizens
access to cheaper drugs,
77
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:16,108
free preventative care, and it closes
the Medicare Part D loophole.
78
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,903
And how does that help if I get
shampoo in my dick hole?
79
00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:20,613
- What?
- Mean to tell me you ain't never got
80
00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:22,406
- shampoo in your pee hole?
- OK.
81
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,075
- Maybe like once or twice.
- Yeah, once or twice
82
00:05:24,242 --> 00:05:25,827
when you was playing with yourself.
83
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,745
No, I wasn't playing with myself.
84
00:05:27,912 --> 00:05:30,081
I was showering,
and crazy got up in there.
85
00:05:30,248 --> 00:05:33,084
Bullshit. Cam Newton's
law of gravity is:
86
00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:36,337
That thing must be up
in order for that soap to go down.
87
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:39,340
Well, either way,
that shit stings like hell.
88
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:42,176
Sting like a mother, man, it feel
like it's a hornet up in there.
89
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:45,429
And he found out his girl be, you know,
doing her thing with another man.
90
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,473
- Exactly.
- I don't understand why
91
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,392
the shampoo company
can't fix that, man.
92
00:05:49,559 --> 00:05:51,102
They got "No More Tears."
93
00:05:51,269 --> 00:05:52,979
Why they can't make no more
hornets in your dick?
94
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:56,941
I don't really think they expect you
to use the No More Tears on your dick.
95
00:05:57,108 --> 00:05:58,709
Well, why they call it
Johnson & Johnson?
96
00:05:58,860 --> 00:06:01,420
I got a better question, man.
What the hell are two stoners doing
97
00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:03,197
wandering around
these spooky-ass woods?
98
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:06,742
Look, it's going to be worth it.
I told you... this is Humboldt County.
99
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:09,996
This is where all the growers
grow their bomb-ass shit.
100
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:12,206
You think they're gonna be cool
with us just helping ourselves?
101
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:13,875
Look, man, we ain't taking no plants.
102
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,161
We're gonna snip a few buds.
You know what I'm saying?
103
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,753
It's gonna grow back
just like a lobster paw.
104
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,171
You know, that's how nature do.
105
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,018
I don't know, man.
Just doesn't feel right.
106
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,493
Man, they ain't gonna care.
Look, man, we're gonna be cool.
107
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:26,095
We're gonna roll one blunt,
then we're gonna get up out of here.
108
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:28,180
- Just one?
- Just one.
109
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:29,348
(MEN SHOUTING)
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
110
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,642
- They won't care, huh?
- Man, just keep running.
111
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,937
Holy shit. Is that a drone? They're
going all Zero Dark Thirty on our ass.
112
00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:36,355
(WHOOSHING)
(SCREAMS)
113
00:06:39,859 --> 00:06:41,694
Yo, I think they gone.
114
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:48,659
Oh, whoa. It's a cabin in the woods.
We need to go hide over in there.
115
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,161
Nah, man, I'm not going in there.
116
00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:51,537
It reminds me of a horror movie
I once saw.
117
00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:54,874
- What horror movie?
- The one with the cabin in the woods.
118
00:06:55,041 --> 00:06:56,542
- Friday the 13th?
- No.
119
00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:58,210
The one with the cabin in the woods.
120
00:06:58,377 --> 00:06:59,712
Texas Chain Saw Massacre?
121
00:06:59,879 --> 00:07:01,923
No, the one with the cabin
in the woods.
122
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,466
- The Ring.
- Uh-uh.
123
00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:06,260
- The one with the cabin in the woods.
- Blair Witch Project.
124
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:08,679
No, man, the one
with the cabin in the woods.
125
00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,556
- The Munsters.
- That wasn't in the woods.
126
00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,558
- They wasn't even a damn movie.
- Look, man,
127
00:07:12,725 --> 00:07:14,365
we ain't got time
for this shit right now.
128
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,312
We need to get to that cabin
in the woods.
129
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,314
(GROANING)
130
00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:33,788
(CREAKING)
- What the hell is that sound?
131
00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:36,666
Sound like the house settling.
It looked new.
132
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,584
- I'm gonna take a look around.
- Go ahead.
133
00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:43,089
Ah! What is that?
134
00:07:49,762 --> 00:07:51,180
- Ah!
- Ow!
135
00:07:51,806 --> 00:07:54,558
(GROANS) Where we shooting?
- There.
136
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:56,018
- Where?
- The dark!
137
00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:57,603
- There?
- No, this dark.
138
00:07:58,437 --> 00:07:59,355
Over there.
139
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,402
Dude, what the hell was that?
140
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,279
Big-ass Alaskan king crab
just ran up on me, man.
141
00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,073
- Crab? Cuz, we banging?
- Ja'Marcus,
142
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,441
- put the guns down, man.
- Put yours down first, homey.
143
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:14,829
All right, on three. One, two, three.
144
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,623
- Damn.
- You want to try it again?
145
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:20,960
Sure. One, two, three.
146
00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:24,714
One, two, three.
147
00:08:26,841 --> 00:08:30,720
Uno, dos, tres.
148
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,972
Man, we could do this shit all day.
149
00:08:33,139 --> 00:08:34,807
- Truce?
- Truce.
150
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:39,478
Hey, yo, D'Andre. Look, homey.
It's two little girls.
151
00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,772
- They're little racist girls, man.
(GROWLING)
152
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:45,151
Wearing blackface. Cool with that?
153
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,738
- Hey, little girl, what's your name?
(GROWLING)
154
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:51,991
(MOCKING GROWL)
(GROWLING)
155
00:08:52,158 --> 00:08:53,659
- What'd she say?
- She said, "I wonder what your leg"
156
00:08:53,826 --> 00:08:55,119
- "tastes like."
- What? Ah, man!
157
00:08:55,286 --> 00:08:56,620
Little spider girl bit me.
158
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:57,997
Maybe you're going to get superpowers.
159
00:08:58,164 --> 00:08:59,999
- Ain't no black superheroes.
- I'm on it.
160
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,584
- Hi-ya!
(GRUNTS)
161
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:08,007
Yo. D'Andre, I think they're
the missing kids from the news.
162
00:09:08,174 --> 00:09:09,508
- How can you be so sure?
- Look.
163
00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:12,887
D'ANDRE: I don't know, man.
- Well, if it is the missing kids,
164
00:09:13,054 --> 00:09:15,174
I'm gonna take that reward money,
and I'm gonna buy me
165
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,225
a yacht, fill it with cash,
bitches and a shark.
166
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:19,753
Why would you want to buy a shark?
167
00:09:19,894 --> 00:09:21,812
Trust me... we're gonna need a shark.
168
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,195
No, this can't be right.
169
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,990
(BEEPING)
170
00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:36,994
(GRUNTING)
171
00:09:37,161 --> 00:09:39,830
(URINATING)
(GROANING)
172
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:42,750
(RINGING)
173
00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:44,335
Hi, Mom. (SHRIEKS)
174
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,921
I got to call you back.
175
00:09:48,047 --> 00:09:49,965
No baby, no baby, no baby, no baby.
176
00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,133
(BEEPING)
177
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,780
FEMALE VOICE: You're pregnant...
- No!
178
00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:56,722
...with anticipation over
the outcome of this iPregnancy test,
179
00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:59,809
which has determined that you are...
180
00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:01,352
You got to be kidding me.
181
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,230
Oh, no.
182
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,940
Not pregnant.
183
00:10:06,107 --> 00:10:07,983
You dodged a bullet, you lucky slut.
184
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:11,070
(SIGHS) Thank you, God. Sweet!
185
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:15,407
Great news: They found my brother's kids.
186
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,826
Oh, crap.
187
00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:19,578
MAN: We're very fortunate
the older one, Kathy, has retained
188
00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,205
most of her vocabulary.
189
00:10:21,372 --> 00:10:23,499
The baby hasn't actually said a word.
190
00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:26,961
- Why not?
- Because he's a baby.
191
00:10:27,128 --> 00:10:30,548
They've been alone here
over three long months.
192
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:35,344
I need to warn both of you
that this is not going to be easy.
193
00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:37,596
I'm ready for it.
194
00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:40,266
- Hello.
- No, no. Wrong window.
195
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:42,935
Here's where the children are.
196
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,439
(PANTING)
197
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:49,650
- What is she doing?
MAN: In order to survive
198
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:53,279
their extreme isolation, the girls
created an imaginary guardian,
199
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:57,658
a parent figure to feed them,
sing to them. They call her Mama.
200
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,452
But these may help you break through.
201
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:02,329
And the Ritalin may help, as well.
202
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,748
The proper dosage
for someone their age is...
203
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,208
Wish me luck.
204
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,711
(CHILD PANTING)
205
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,256
Hey, Lily.
206
00:11:18,304 --> 00:11:19,972
Oh, how cute.
207
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:25,644
- OK.
- Kathy.
208
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,731
It's OK, Kathy. Remember these?
209
00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:31,567
You used to wear them
to help you see better.
210
00:11:38,157 --> 00:11:39,658
No, no, no!
211
00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:43,829
Maybe we should get her
some contacts... the soft kind.
212
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,001
Daddy?
213
00:11:49,919 --> 00:11:52,379
No, sweetheart. Not Daddy.
214
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,173
I'm your Uncle Dan. Remember?
215
00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:55,758
And this is Jody.
216
00:11:55,925 --> 00:11:57,885
Jo... dy.
217
00:11:58,052 --> 00:12:00,888
Jody.
No pause between "Jo" and "dy."
218
00:12:01,055 --> 00:12:03,015
Jo... dy.
219
00:12:03,182 --> 00:12:05,601
Dan, we're at an impasse.
I see constant conflict.
220
00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,811
It's fine. They'll warm up to you.
221
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,355
(CHILD GROWLING) Ow!
222
00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,982
Hey, hey, hey, little lady,
that's not how...
223
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,817
You little mother...!
224
00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:21,033
Well, everything checks out.
They seem like good kids, Doc.
225
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,493
Just validate our parking.
We'll take them home.
226
00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:24,912
- Folks, I wish it were that easy.
- You don't validate?
227
00:12:25,079 --> 00:12:27,331
I'm saying the kids
are not yours to take.
228
00:12:27,498 --> 00:12:29,458
Well, you can't win them all.
Let's skedaddle.
229
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:33,587
That's not fair. They're my brother
Charlie's kids. We deserve them.
230
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:37,132
Do you? Your wife plays in a punk rock
band, staying out all night long,
231
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:39,969
high on drugs, sleeping with
a different man every night.
232
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:42,888
I don't think the courts
are gonna look upon that too favorably.
233
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,348
- But...
- I was just messing with you.
234
00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:45,795
- The kids are yours.
- They are?
235
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,494
Did you hear that, honey? They're ours!
236
00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:51,105
On one condition. This house is owned
by the Institute for Case Studies.
237
00:12:51,272 --> 00:12:53,315
Every room is fully wired with cameras.
238
00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:56,068
If you move into the house,
you get the kids.
239
00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:59,113
Can't we just sell the house and put
the kids in a high-end orphanage?
240
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,490
Jody, do you really think
you're cut out to be a mom?
241
00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:02,658
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
242
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:04,034
- Of course she is.
- Dan!
243
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:07,121
Now, no more rock band,
no more silly wig.
244
00:13:07,288 --> 00:13:09,373
It's not silly. It's all a part of me.
245
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:11,375
- And no more tattoos.
- What are you doing?
246
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:14,169
What I had to.
We're a perfect suburban couple.
247
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:19,091
NARRATOR: And so Dan and Jody headed to
their new house with their new children.
248
00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:22,553
But, like a slutty sorority girl
returning from spring break,
249
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:27,266
they were also bringing home
a hidden evil.
250
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:31,145
JODY: All right, kids,
here's our new house.
251
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:32,938
And here's Uncle Dan.
252
00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:36,275
Hi. Don't forget about mommy!
253
00:13:36,442 --> 00:13:40,237
Dan, I'm not their mommy.
They can call me Aunt Jody.
254
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:42,656
- Or Jodes, J-Mom, Mrs. Sanders.
(PANTING)
255
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,583
Or, if they really want
to call me... Garage!
256
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,370
DAN: Here comes Jody and Aidan,
257
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:50,217
entering the house
for the very first time.
258
00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:53,917
This is where we're going to protect you
and make sure nothing bad...
259
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:55,764
Oh, my God, Aidan!
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
260
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,629
Maybe we should put him in the carrier.
261
00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:02,009
- There, see, that's better.
- Come on, Aidan. What, what, what?
262
00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:04,428
- Relax, it's OK.
- Oh, my gosh.
263
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:06,430
- Dan, I lost the baby!
- What?
264
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:09,391
Oh, my gosh, Aidan!
Aidan, where are you?!
265
00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:10,758
- Aidan!
DAN: Where did you go?
266
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:15,064
Oh, there he is, OK. (SIGHING)
267
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,107
DAN: Here's your sister Kathy.
268
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,609
Oh, Aidan, it's OK.
269
00:14:18,776 --> 00:14:20,577
DAN: You've just got to talk
in a baby voice.
270
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,822
- It doesn't even matter what you say.
- OK.
271
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:26,158
I'm your stepmommy.
272
00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:30,037
I'm not your fricking mommy.
273
00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:32,456
- There you go, you're a natural.
(SNIFFING)
274
00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:34,666
- What's that smell?
(BABY GROANING)
275
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,251
(SCREAMING)
276
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:39,254
DAN: Oh, my God, what do I do?
Oh, oh! Here, this, hold on!
277
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:42,424
(SCREAMING)
KATHY: Uncle Dan!
278
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:46,220
DAN: Kathy! Oh, sorry!
- Ow!
279
00:14:46,387 --> 00:14:49,932
All right, there you go, sweetie.
280
00:14:50,099 --> 00:14:53,435
Is it chilly in here? I felt it
as soon as I entered the room.
281
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,687
DAN: Feels fine. Hey, what are these?
282
00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:58,482
This is interesting. What is this?
283
00:14:58,649 --> 00:15:01,235
I don't know, Mama drew that one.
284
00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:04,113
Look, we drew this picture for Aidan.
285
00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:10,411
See? It's Aidan
on a rocket to the moon.
286
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:14,581
- Oh. Sitting on a rocket.
- Where's Lily?
287
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,126
(GROWLING)
288
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:20,379
Oh, no, sweetie, the other end.
289
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:22,756
Ooh!
290
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:26,176
Let's go introduce Aidan
to the rest of the family.
291
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:27,594
(SNIFFING)
292
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,596
(THUD)
293
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,390
Oh, and there's
our furry family member.
294
00:15:31,557 --> 00:15:34,101
DAN: Yes, Maria.
JODY: No, Dan, Artie.
295
00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:36,228
DAN: Oh, yes, of course, our dog Artie.
296
00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:39,314
- Ay, the new baby. I make blessing.
- Oh.
297
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,316
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
298
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,157
OK, OK, that's good, Maria.
299
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:50,993
Oh, my gosh.
300
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,830
NARRATOR: With three new kids
to care for,
301
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,875
Dan really needed
to start performing at work.
302
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:01,753
Unfortunately he was having
some issues with a colleague.
303
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,466
DAN: OK, Caesar, this is
the one, I can feel it.
304
00:16:07,593 --> 00:16:10,888
Eighty-one seconds? Oh, Caesar.
305
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,223
That's your worst time yet.
306
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,893
You're doing even worse
on your creativity test.
307
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:19,605
I mean, look at all the imaginative
things I made out of blocks.
308
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:21,190
Like this awesome plane.
309
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,025
(MAKING PLANE ENGINE SOUND)
310
00:16:24,485 --> 00:16:26,069
(GRUNTS)
311
00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:30,032
Dan, do you have any results yet?
312
00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:32,826
Oh, well, I've been injecting
the primates twice a day
313
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:36,788
with the I-13 intelligence drug.
I'm hoping in a week or so...
314
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:39,958
I hope Caesar is not just
a big waste of time and money.
315
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:43,754
I'm the one responsible to the board.
Just show me one thing positive.
316
00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:47,341
Look. They still throw their shit.
317
00:16:47,508 --> 00:16:49,718
DAN: But now they can keep score.
318
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:52,262
(GRUNTING)
319
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:55,057
We have to kick-start this thing.
When can we go to human trials?
320
00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:57,025
We're close, but there's
an intermediate step.
321
00:16:57,142 --> 00:17:00,562
If the I-13 works
on these reality wives...
322
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,774
- You better check that shit.
- Who gonna check me, boo?
323
00:17:03,941 --> 00:17:05,067
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTS)
324
00:17:05,234 --> 00:17:07,486
(GRUNTS, SCREAMS)
325
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,701
We're pinning the future
of our lab on wild beasts.
326
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,703
They're not beasts.
327
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,248
They have feelings, they have families.
328
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:22,167
Males pee standing up,
females pee sitting down.
329
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,461
These apes are just like you.
330
00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:27,506
And me... you and me, blacks and whites.
331
00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:31,009
More like whites, of course.
We whites are a lighter shade of ape
332
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:34,012
whereas you are bla... dder infection,
we're all at risk.
333
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,348
So, what were we talking
about again? Vaginas.
334
00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:37,849
- Shut up.
- Yes, of course.
335
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,394
Caesar has got to show some human
intelligence at that board meeting...
336
00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:43,772
Caesar's probably smarter
than half of those board members.
337
00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:45,190
- Dan...
- I know what you're going to say.
338
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:48,026
"If he's so smart,
why is he in a cage?"
339
00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:49,861
You're in the cage.
340
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:55,867
(BASS GUITAR PLAYING)
341
00:18:05,544 --> 00:18:07,045
What?
342
00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,673
- Oh, you're looking for this?
- Uh-huh.
343
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:10,841
It's my ballerina doll.
344
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,176
- You made this?
- Mama did,
345
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:17,472
using twigs, moss, spiderwebs,
sparrow bones, lizard eyes,
346
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,601
- all held together with rat droppings.
- Oh, geez.
347
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,318
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
348
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,555
(SCREAMS)
349
00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:07,522
(BASS NOTES PLAYING)
(VOCALIZING)
350
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,149
(SCREAMS)
351
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:13,528
Ah, ah, ah. What... what are you doing?
352
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:16,156
I just can't deal with these kids.
They're creepy.
353
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:17,491
We should just take 'em back.
354
00:19:17,658 --> 00:19:20,952
Maybe you guys just need
to find some common ground.
355
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,439
What about that ballerina doll
Kathy's always playing with?
356
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,124
I don't want to talk about the ballet.
357
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,419
I saw what the ballet did to my mom.
358
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:32,089
She became obsessed.
359
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:35,884
She even danced the swan
while she was pregnant with me.
360
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,844
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
361
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,140
- Boo, ray, boo!
- Shh!
362
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:45,352
Shh. Hell. You better sit back
before I punch you in your damn throat.
363
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:46,520
We're trying to enjoy the show.
364
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:50,440
You go on... shh... shh me again.
I double-dog dare you, hell.
365
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,567
Better ask somebody who I am.
366
00:19:57,781 --> 00:19:59,991
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
(GASPS)
367
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,869
(TUBA PLAYS NOTE)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
368
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,705
- Whoa!
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
369
00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:08,083
(TUBA SQUAWKS)
MAN: Got it.
370
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,586
Mom was never the same.
371
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:16,341
That's unlikely
to ever happen again, ever.
372
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:19,845
Just give it a shot.
Look what I found earlier.
373
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,471
I mean, I know
it's just a local production.
374
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:26,226
But could be something for you
and Kathy to talk about, could be fun.
375
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:29,062
- You really think so?
- Yes.
376
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:32,524
Well, I suppose I could check it out.
377
00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:35,777
OK. But the minute it becomes
too difficult, I'm giving up.
378
00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:37,696
That's the spirit.
379
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,712
NARRATOR: Even though Jody
only returned to the ballet
380
00:20:53,879 --> 00:20:55,464
to connect with the girls,
381
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:59,468
as she got closer she couldn't help
but get excited at the prospect
382
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:02,804
of becoming the Swan Queen.
383
00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,182
This season we open with "Swan Lake."
384
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:07,388
As you all know, this piece
has the most challenging
385
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:11,605
and demanding role in all
of ballet... the Swan Queen.
386
00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:13,315
NARRATOR: Sizing up her competition,
387
00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:16,234
Jody knew the battle
would be a tough one.
388
00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:18,361
The white and the black.
389
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:21,531
Fortunately we have with us
prima ballerina and the lead
390
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:25,786
in my last 146 productions...
Heather Darcy.
391
00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:27,913
(CLAPPING)
392
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:30,832
Ah, the seasoned professional.
393
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,418
The still brilliant,
crusty, old, weathered,
394
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:37,756
leather-faced elder statesman of ballet
to whom these young girls,
395
00:21:37,923 --> 00:21:40,759
less experienced,
more beautiful and delicious,
396
00:21:40,926 --> 00:21:44,721
but still very raw ballerina hopefuls,
look up.
397
00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:48,475
Show these far more desirable children
how it's done, huh?
398
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:51,645
- Music!
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON PIANO)
399
00:21:57,734 --> 00:21:59,214
Try that thing where you are skipping
400
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:01,446
and you hop and you spread
your legs a little bit.
401
00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:07,285
JODY: Look at that form,
that technique.
402
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,079
I'll never be that good.
403
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:11,790
I'm Jody, by the way.
404
00:22:11,957 --> 00:22:13,875
Kendra.
405
00:22:15,460 --> 00:22:17,963
- Are you going to try out?
- Me?
406
00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:21,424
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, I like to dance, but I just...
407
00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:23,301
I don't like to be the
center of attention.
408
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:26,429
MAN: OK, who's next?
- Oh, food.
409
00:22:26,596 --> 00:22:27,973
- Huh?
(HIP-HOP PLAYS)
410
00:22:42,779 --> 00:22:45,824
It is as if I am seeing ballet
for the first time.
411
00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:47,826
That's not ballet.
412
00:22:53,248 --> 00:22:55,458
MAN: The passion, the sensuality.
413
00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:58,879
An ass that makes you want to
crawl inside and take up residence.
414
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:03,508
I can show passion.
415
00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:05,343
Oh, yeah.
416
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:09,139
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh.
417
00:23:09,306 --> 00:23:12,225
NARRATOR: Jody certainly had
her work cut out for her.
418
00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:15,353
That Kendra chick was smokin'.
419
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,188
Do you accept euros?
420
00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:34,581
(GROANING ECHOES, POTS CLANG)
421
00:23:35,790 --> 00:23:37,000
(LOUD CLANG)
422
00:23:47,052 --> 00:23:50,221
Kathy, Lily, Aidan?
423
00:23:57,562 --> 00:23:58,772
(SIGHS)
424
00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:05,236
- Jody? Ah!
(SCREAMS)
425
00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:06,905
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry.
426
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,199
- I'm so sorry.
- I'm fine.
427
00:24:09,366 --> 00:24:10,617
It was on the floor.
428
00:24:10,784 --> 00:24:14,079
Ah, probably a screw loose.
I'll fix it.
429
00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:17,707
I feel like there's
something in this house.
430
00:24:17,874 --> 00:24:18,875
Like What?
431
00:24:19,042 --> 00:24:22,921
Like I feel hot, clammy,
foul-smelling breath on my neck.
432
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:24,506
(SHUDDERS)
433
00:24:24,673 --> 00:24:28,093
You need call psychic.
Kill bad spirits.
434
00:24:28,259 --> 00:24:31,262
- Ugh.
- No, Maria, enough of this stuff.
435
00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:34,557
OK, then I do blessing,
I protect house.
436
00:24:37,435 --> 00:24:39,729
Honey, you really need to relax.
437
00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:42,440
You're just stressed out
about the children.
438
00:24:42,607 --> 00:24:45,443
No, it's this house. I... I feel it.
439
00:24:45,610 --> 00:24:48,905
And Maria's a little off. I mean,
honestly do you really trust her?
440
00:24:49,072 --> 00:24:52,367
Oh, honey, don't worry,
she couldn't hurt a fly.
441
00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:54,375
Look, you have a big day
ahead of you tomorrow.
442
00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:56,788
Let's just get you some sleep, OK?
443
00:24:58,581 --> 00:24:59,749
Love you.
444
00:25:04,045 --> 00:25:06,589
DAN: I don't believe this...
our whole house ransacked.
445
00:25:06,756 --> 00:25:09,050
You leave the house unattended
with the doors unlocked
446
00:25:09,217 --> 00:25:10,468
and look what happens.
447
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:13,346
They didn't take anything.
It's just vandalism.
448
00:25:13,513 --> 00:25:15,765
Every room except
the kids' rooms was trashed.
449
00:25:15,932 --> 00:25:16,933
So you suspect the kids?
450
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:19,394
It was Mama. Mama did it.
451
00:25:19,561 --> 00:25:22,856
She hates this house.
She hates you.
452
00:25:25,191 --> 00:25:28,945
OK, Maria, this is camera.
Necesito filming.
453
00:25:29,112 --> 00:25:30,989
Thank you for helping me
clean up, sweetie.
454
00:25:31,156 --> 00:25:33,950
Oh, hey, been looking
all over for this thing.
455
00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:35,827
- Still got it...
(CHILD SCREAMS)
456
00:25:35,994 --> 00:25:38,496
I'm sorry! God, help, honey!
457
00:25:38,663 --> 00:25:42,250
Maria, honey, help! Geez!
Maria, put the camera...
458
00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:45,003
JODY: Oh, look at this.
459
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:47,547
Mom coaching me
when I was a little girl.
460
00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:51,217
- Aw...
- Always applying the guilt trip.
461
00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:53,136
That got me the lead.
462
00:25:54,846 --> 00:25:56,431
(BABY CRYING)
KATHY: Look, Maria.
463
00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:58,975
Maria, look what I found. What is this?
464
00:25:59,142 --> 00:26:03,938
Oh, uh, that's... a new type
of electric toothbrush.
465
00:26:05,231 --> 00:26:07,525
Vibrations knock the tartar
off your teeth.
466
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,820
- Look, a whole box of toothbrushes.
DAN: Whoa.
467
00:26:10,987 --> 00:26:13,156
- This black one is huge.
- OK.
468
00:26:13,323 --> 00:26:15,867
- And look, here's a double-sided one.
- All right.
469
00:26:16,034 --> 00:26:18,078
And one that I can strap on to my face.
470
00:26:18,244 --> 00:26:20,371
Nope. Put that over here.
471
00:26:20,538 --> 00:26:23,333
Uncle Dan, what is this?
Beaded floss?
472
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,585
That's grown-up floss, honey.
473
00:26:25,752 --> 00:26:28,338
(GROANS) Graffiti!
474
00:26:28,505 --> 00:26:30,590
Did you see this?
475
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:33,927
Who does that?
What are we...? Maria.
476
00:26:34,094 --> 00:26:37,972
- Maria, por favor.
(MARIA EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)
477
00:26:38,139 --> 00:26:41,768
Miss Jody, Miss Jody,
you call this man... Mr. Blaine.
478
00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:43,895
He helped my sister.
479
00:26:44,062 --> 00:26:46,481
- This is a psychic.
- Si, he'll help you.
480
00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:48,441
No, what we really need
are more security cameras.
481
00:26:48,608 --> 00:26:52,654
Uncle Dan. You know, these toothbrushes
look an awful lot like dildos.
482
00:27:19,222 --> 00:27:20,223
Ow!
483
00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:24,102
(GROANING, SCREAMING)
484
00:27:24,269 --> 00:27:25,770
(SIREN BLARING)
485
00:27:41,494 --> 00:27:43,538
(CHOKING, GAGGING)
486
00:28:01,181 --> 00:28:02,807
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
(SCREAMING)
487
00:28:07,020 --> 00:28:10,315
(SIREN WAILING)
488
00:28:16,112 --> 00:28:18,781
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
489
00:28:21,075 --> 00:28:23,036
GIRL: This is fun, Mama.
490
00:28:23,203 --> 00:28:24,954
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
491
00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:35,340
You're still awake?
492
00:28:36,716 --> 00:28:37,926
All right, listen, guys, it's just us
493
00:28:38,092 --> 00:28:39,852
until Uncle Dan comes back
from the hospital.
494
00:28:39,969 --> 00:28:42,263
I don't like it,
you don't like it, I don't like it.
495
00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:44,807
Now go to sleep. I have to be up
early for ballet tomorrow.
496
00:28:51,022 --> 00:28:54,400
- You really like ballet, don't you?
- Yeah, but I don't want you to go.
497
00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:55,610
Why?
498
00:28:55,777 --> 00:28:57,862
Mama says you're going
to have an accident.
499
00:28:58,029 --> 00:29:02,200
Oh, OK. Is this the same Mama
who trashed the house?
500
00:29:02,367 --> 00:29:04,327
Basically, yes.
501
00:29:05,036 --> 00:29:06,454
(GROANING)
502
00:29:10,500 --> 00:29:11,960
Don't go in there.
503
00:29:12,961 --> 00:29:13,878
I wasn't going to.
504
00:29:14,128 --> 00:29:15,338
Just don't.
505
00:29:15,505 --> 00:29:18,174
It's my house, I can if I want.
506
00:29:18,341 --> 00:29:19,509
I wouldn't.
507
00:29:19,676 --> 00:29:21,344
- Would.
- Wouldn't.
508
00:29:21,511 --> 00:29:23,346
- Would, too.
- Would not.
509
00:29:23,513 --> 00:29:26,516
You know what? I'm the adult.
You're not the boss of me.
510
00:29:26,683 --> 00:29:27,684
Don't.
511
00:29:49,414 --> 00:29:53,584
(GRUNTING) I told you
not to let anyone in!
512
00:29:53,751 --> 00:29:55,086
(FLATULENCE)
513
00:29:57,046 --> 00:30:00,383
(SCREAMING)
(CLATTERING)
514
00:30:00,550 --> 00:30:02,260
NARRATOR: And so Jody was...
515
00:30:02,427 --> 00:30:04,887
Oh, my God, I just smelled that.
516
00:30:05,054 --> 00:30:07,015
It just got to me, yeah.
517
00:30:07,181 --> 00:30:08,808
And so Jody was...
518
00:30:08,975 --> 00:30:10,935
Oh, no, I... I'm sorry,
you have to excuse me.
519
00:30:11,102 --> 00:30:12,228
I got to get some fresh air.
520
00:30:12,395 --> 00:30:14,397
The next section
should explain itself.
521
00:30:25,616 --> 00:30:27,744
(VACUUM STARTS)
522
00:30:28,953 --> 00:30:30,705
MAN: All right, attention.
523
00:30:30,872 --> 00:30:32,498
I do not wish to repeat myself.
524
00:30:32,665 --> 00:30:35,293
I repeat, I do not wish
to repeat myself.
525
00:30:35,460 --> 00:30:37,587
I require the sweater
I wear as a scarf.
526
00:30:37,754 --> 00:30:39,088
(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
527
00:30:40,298 --> 00:30:43,009
Ah. Comfortable, huh?
528
00:30:44,761 --> 00:30:47,638
Mm... Mother, please, I am working.
529
00:30:47,805 --> 00:30:51,267
All right, because Heather Darcy
is so old, this season
530
00:30:51,434 --> 00:30:53,227
we will have a new Swan Queen,
531
00:30:53,394 --> 00:30:57,106
and that person is Jody Sanders.
532
00:31:01,569 --> 00:31:05,114
Now, Jody, show us your routine.
533
00:31:05,281 --> 00:31:07,992
No, I'm the Swan Queen.
534
00:31:08,951 --> 00:31:11,746
- Watch me. Ah...!
(CRASH)
535
00:31:11,913 --> 00:31:14,665
As I was saying, my choice for new...
536
00:31:14,832 --> 00:31:16,959
HEATHER: Her?! Anyone but her!
537
00:31:17,126 --> 00:31:20,671
You might just as well
have picked the janitor!
538
00:31:20,838 --> 00:31:23,549
- Me?
(SWING JAZZ PLAYS)
539
00:31:31,015 --> 00:31:33,643
- Ira, please, not now. OK.
- What?
540
00:31:33,810 --> 00:31:35,812
Yes, it was a difficult decision,
541
00:31:35,978 --> 00:31:38,773
but I have always been
attracted to Jody.
542
00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:40,900
How could I not? She has
the body of a fifth-grade boy.
543
00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:43,986
But in the event that she
is unable to dance,
544
00:31:44,153 --> 00:31:48,157
I am naming as her
understudy Kendra Brooks.
545
00:31:52,495 --> 00:31:54,622
All right, that's lunch.
546
00:32:09,011 --> 00:32:11,889
Ooh, this is a nice house.
I'm gonna go find the girls.
547
00:32:14,016 --> 00:32:17,016
Kathy, how did you know I was going to
have an accident today at the ballet?
548
00:32:17,145 --> 00:32:18,271
Mama told me.
549
00:32:18,438 --> 00:32:21,774
OK, well, how did Mama know
I was going to have an accident?
550
00:32:21,941 --> 00:32:23,734
(WHOOSHING SOUND)
551
00:32:25,528 --> 00:32:28,698
Oh, there you are.
I found this bandage on my head.
552
00:32:28,865 --> 00:32:31,826
Dan, please. I think there is something
going on in this house,
553
00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:33,286
something about this Mama.
554
00:32:33,453 --> 00:32:35,294
I'm gonna call the psychic
Maria told us about.
555
00:32:35,371 --> 00:32:37,091
Jody, do you really
think we need a psychic?
556
00:32:37,165 --> 00:32:38,325
KATHY: Uncle Dan, come here.
557
00:32:38,374 --> 00:32:40,168
- Coming.
- I want to show you something.
558
00:32:41,669 --> 00:32:45,506
Uncle Dan, Mama taught me some tricks.
Look what I can do.
559
00:32:46,757 --> 00:32:49,051
- Oh, wow, that's really good, honey.
AIDAN: Dada.
560
00:32:49,218 --> 00:32:51,846
(SHUDDERING) Good Lord.
561
00:32:52,013 --> 00:32:55,224
- Uncle Dan, look at me.
- Evil spirits.
562
00:32:55,391 --> 00:32:56,726
Look, Mr. Dan, look.
563
00:32:56,893 --> 00:32:59,645
Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits?
564
00:32:59,812 --> 00:33:02,857
You're facing something our
human minds cannot imagine.
565
00:33:03,024 --> 00:33:05,526
- Mama.
(DAN EXCLAIMS)
566
00:33:06,444 --> 00:33:08,446
Let's get you in a robe.
567
00:33:09,739 --> 00:33:11,419
Do you want to hear
about the ballet today?
568
00:33:12,241 --> 00:33:15,745
- Mama's helping us get ready.
- Oh, OK, I'll brush, too.
569
00:33:18,956 --> 00:33:21,501
Hm. Where did my toothbrush go?
570
00:33:24,795 --> 00:33:26,464
(WHIMPERS)
571
00:33:27,924 --> 00:33:30,384
Hey, we don't lick our balls
in this house.
572
00:33:30,551 --> 00:33:32,929
Sorry, won't happen again.
573
00:33:34,514 --> 00:33:35,973
NARRATOR: Try as she might,
574
00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:39,268
Jody just couldn't seem
to connect with those kids.
575
00:33:39,435 --> 00:33:42,063
Or get the taste of that
toothbrush out of her mouth.
576
00:33:42,230 --> 00:33:44,857
Was it just eight-year-old teen angst,
577
00:33:45,024 --> 00:33:48,402
or were there otherworldly
forces at work here?
578
00:33:48,569 --> 00:33:50,571
(GULPING)
579
00:34:56,721 --> 00:34:58,639
(EERIE MOANING)
580
00:35:02,852 --> 00:35:04,186
- Baby?
- Hm?
581
00:35:04,353 --> 00:35:05,674
- Babe, I heard something.
- What?
582
00:35:05,688 --> 00:35:06,731
I think there's someone in the kitchen.
583
00:35:06,897 --> 00:35:09,609
See? There's nobody down here.
584
00:35:09,775 --> 00:35:11,861
There it is again!
Right there. Go look.
585
00:35:12,028 --> 00:35:16,115
Jody, calm down. See, there's nothing
to worry about. It's just...
586
00:35:16,282 --> 00:35:18,159
(JODY SCREAMS)
- Oh, God! Geez!
587
00:35:18,326 --> 00:35:20,703
(SCREAMING)
(MICROWAVE BEEPS)
588
00:35:20,870 --> 00:35:22,496
Dan, I'm calling the psychic!
589
00:35:22,663 --> 00:35:24,183
- Ah! Make the call!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
590
00:35:25,708 --> 00:35:27,543
Blaine Fulda, professional psychic.
591
00:35:27,710 --> 00:35:29,045
Hi, I'm Jody.
592
00:35:29,211 --> 00:35:31,589
- Indeed you are.
- Yes. And this is my husband Dan.
593
00:35:31,756 --> 00:35:34,592
Your payment as requested.
$500 in unmarked bills.
594
00:35:34,759 --> 00:35:36,552
(SNIFFS)
- And of course, you know Maria.
595
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,221
- Hola, Mr. Blaine.
- Hi, Maria. How's your sister?
596
00:35:39,388 --> 00:35:41,599
Dead. Demon kill her.
597
00:35:41,766 --> 00:35:43,607
Well, that explains
the unreturned phone calls.
598
00:35:43,726 --> 00:35:46,228
I'm sensing evil.
599
00:35:46,395 --> 00:35:49,315
I'm gonna have to get some of
your personal belongings here,
600
00:35:49,482 --> 00:35:52,109
just so I can check for
demon and ghost residue.
601
00:35:52,276 --> 00:35:53,486
I'm not gonna be able
to lift all those monitors,
602
00:35:53,653 --> 00:35:56,822
but I'll send my cousin tomorrow with
the white van. He can get them in there.
603
00:35:56,989 --> 00:35:58,783
Dan was attacked
by the kitchen last night.
604
00:35:58,949 --> 00:36:01,410
- We think it might be Mama.
- Kitchen attack?
605
00:36:01,577 --> 00:36:03,079
You could've said that earlier.
606
00:36:03,245 --> 00:36:05,998
If a room turns on you,
it's either a ghost or a demon.
607
00:36:06,165 --> 00:36:10,586
Can a demon take over someone?
Like, live within them?
608
00:36:10,753 --> 00:36:12,171
Damn, that's some scary shit.
609
00:36:12,338 --> 00:36:14,465
So a demon is about
the worst thing you can have?
610
00:36:14,632 --> 00:36:17,343
No, ma'am, an STD is the
worst thing that you can have.
611
00:36:17,510 --> 00:36:21,013
Who do you know who wants to hurt you?
Do you have a jealous colleague at work?
612
00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:23,099
A Facebook friend
you might have ignored?
613
00:36:23,265 --> 00:36:26,352
Maybe you adopted a small
African child named Ikatababwe,
614
00:36:26,519 --> 00:36:28,562
promising to feed
this nigga for 25 cents a day.
615
00:36:28,771 --> 00:36:30,251
But then he needs something to drink!
616
00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:33,526
- Anyway, let's begin.
- OK.
617
00:36:33,693 --> 00:36:36,028
This is the evil communicator.
618
00:36:36,195 --> 00:36:39,115
When I put this on, I'll be able
to cross over to the other side
619
00:36:39,281 --> 00:36:41,617
and confront the entity.
That will immediately trigger
620
00:36:41,784 --> 00:36:46,372
the final $350 payment of
child support to Tisha Fulda.
621
00:36:46,539 --> 00:36:49,792
And if you guys would just join hands,
close eyes and concentrate.
622
00:36:49,959 --> 00:36:53,170
Empty your mind of all
the thoughts of today's troubles.
623
00:36:54,380 --> 00:36:56,799
Everything that went on,
get that out of your mind.
624
00:36:56,966 --> 00:36:59,135
This is all about the spirit world here.
625
00:36:59,301 --> 00:37:03,556
And three, two and one.
626
00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:08,978
(MOANING)
627
00:37:09,645 --> 00:37:12,148
What's happening? Things are starting
to move all by itself!
628
00:37:14,066 --> 00:37:15,693
JODY: Breathe! Breathe!
629
00:37:15,860 --> 00:37:17,653
- Wait, I don't think he can breathe!
DAN: He's a pro!
630
00:37:17,820 --> 00:37:20,656
A sophisticated piece of equipment
like that? Of course he can breathe.
631
00:37:20,823 --> 00:37:23,159
(GASPING) Shit, I couldn't breathe.
632
00:37:23,325 --> 00:37:26,036
Almost killed myself.
All right, I communicated.
633
00:37:26,203 --> 00:37:28,581
- It was definitely a demon.
- Oh, my God.
634
00:37:29,874 --> 00:37:32,376
Wait a minute. I was wrong.
It's a ghost.
635
00:37:32,543 --> 00:37:34,003
So strong.
636
00:37:34,795 --> 00:37:35,921
- Ow!
(GASPS)
637
00:37:36,756 --> 00:37:38,036
BLAINE: Help, it's got me!
- Dan!
638
00:37:38,132 --> 00:37:39,550
- Dan, wake up!
- Ma'am, you got to
639
00:37:39,717 --> 00:37:43,095
get out of here. It's evil!
It's pure evil! It's Mama!
640
00:37:55,149 --> 00:37:57,318
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
641
00:38:03,741 --> 00:38:05,501
Now do you believe
that something's going on?
642
00:38:05,618 --> 00:38:07,912
He got dragged away,
yelling out, "Mama."
643
00:38:08,078 --> 00:38:10,080
He got dragged away?
I don't remember that.
644
00:38:10,247 --> 00:38:13,501
- Dan, you were unconscious.
- I don't remember that, either.
645
00:38:13,667 --> 00:38:15,211
Look, honey, I don't want to argue.
646
00:38:15,377 --> 00:38:17,338
The important thing is,
we love each other, OK?
647
00:38:17,505 --> 00:38:19,905
No, the important thing is that
this Mama thing could be real
648
00:38:20,049 --> 00:38:21,634
and she might be trying to kill us.
649
00:38:21,801 --> 00:38:24,762
Jod, that guy was a fraud
and that's it. OK?
650
00:38:32,937 --> 00:38:34,697
(INDISTINCT WHISPER)
(CHILD'S SCREAM ECHOING)
651
00:38:34,730 --> 00:38:36,899
- What's that?
- My penis.
652
00:38:37,066 --> 00:38:38,692
- No.
- Yes.
653
00:38:38,859 --> 00:38:40,110
(CHILD'S SCREAM ECHOING)
654
00:38:40,277 --> 00:38:43,489
- There, right now, there.
- I know. I'm trying.
655
00:38:43,656 --> 00:38:46,867
- What the hell is that?
- My penis?
656
00:38:47,827 --> 00:38:50,204
(LOW GROWL)
- What's making that sound?
657
00:39:03,843 --> 00:39:05,469
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
658
00:39:52,016 --> 00:39:53,851
(CLANGING)
659
00:39:55,144 --> 00:39:57,479
Dan, what is that?
660
00:39:59,315 --> 00:40:00,816
My penis.
661
00:40:05,738 --> 00:40:07,281
(MARIA GASPING)
662
00:40:09,867 --> 00:40:11,744
(GASPING)
663
00:40:11,911 --> 00:40:13,746
(EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH)
664
00:40:34,975 --> 00:40:37,937
(SNIFFING) Is that smoke?
665
00:40:39,396 --> 00:40:41,815
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
666
00:40:41,982 --> 00:40:45,861
Maria! What are you doing?!
You're gonna burn down the house!
667
00:40:46,028 --> 00:40:48,197
Kill bad spirits!
668
00:40:48,364 --> 00:40:51,825
- What is going on? (COUGHS)
- Maria almost burned the house down.
669
00:40:51,992 --> 00:40:53,035
- What?
- That's it, she's got...
670
00:40:53,202 --> 00:40:54,203
(CHANTING IN SPANISH)
671
00:40:54,370 --> 00:40:58,916
Enough! This is getting out of hand.
You're scaring everybody.
672
00:40:59,083 --> 00:41:01,126
You can't fire her. I mean,
she's been with us for years.
673
00:41:01,293 --> 00:41:02,586
I don't know what to do.
674
00:41:02,753 --> 00:41:04,838
- That's discrimination.
- OK, now what the hell?
675
00:41:05,005 --> 00:41:08,342
- This is completely insane!
- It's what she believes in, honey!
676
00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:09,635
Give me that!
677
00:41:09,802 --> 00:41:12,638
MARIA: You're gonna let me go?!
Your family is not safe!
678
00:41:12,805 --> 00:41:14,932
I'm sorry, Maria,
it's just not working out.
679
00:41:15,099 --> 00:41:17,810
I'll give you a recommendation,
just nothing involving kids
680
00:41:17,977 --> 00:41:20,729
- or within a mile of anyone's house.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
681
00:41:22,147 --> 00:41:25,859
I can't do this anymore.
I got to go to work.
682
00:41:26,026 --> 00:41:27,706
I don't even understand
what you're saying!
683
00:41:49,008 --> 00:41:50,009
(CLANGS)
684
00:42:01,979 --> 00:42:03,897
Ow!
685
00:42:04,064 --> 00:42:05,691
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
686
00:42:05,858 --> 00:42:08,610
for the past two years,
our own Dan Sanders has been
687
00:42:08,777 --> 00:42:11,447
testing the I-13 compound on 30 apes.
688
00:42:11,613 --> 00:42:13,866
Unfortunately, 29 of them turned into
689
00:42:14,033 --> 00:42:16,618
insane, aggressive,
deviant sexual predators.
690
00:42:16,785 --> 00:42:18,787
But one, Caesar,
691
00:42:18,954 --> 00:42:22,041
has experienced a huge leap
in intelligence.
692
00:42:22,207 --> 00:42:24,376
Here he plays three opponents.
693
00:42:24,543 --> 00:42:25,919
Of course, they're apes.
694
00:42:26,086 --> 00:42:30,883
But Caesar's superior capabilities
are the work of one man.
695
00:42:31,050 --> 00:42:34,553
The brains behind
the I-13 project, Dan San...
696
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:36,055
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine, Martin.
697
00:42:36,221 --> 00:42:39,641
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce you to Caesar...
698
00:42:39,808 --> 00:42:41,088
You're not getting away from me!
699
00:42:41,185 --> 00:42:43,020
- Oof!
(SCREECHING)
700
00:42:43,729 --> 00:42:46,148
(GROANING)
701
00:42:47,357 --> 00:42:49,568
(GRUNTS)
- Oh, no!
702
00:42:50,944 --> 00:42:53,489
(ALARM SOUNDING)
(APES SCREECHING)
703
00:42:53,655 --> 00:42:54,948
(GASPS)
704
00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:56,241
(SCREAMING)
705
00:43:08,337 --> 00:43:10,506
Traffic is backed up
on the Broad Street Bridge,
706
00:43:10,672 --> 00:43:14,134
where apparently police are battling
dozens of apes in a running gunfight.
707
00:43:14,301 --> 00:43:17,346
Our reports indicate that
a scientist at a research laboratory
708
00:43:17,513 --> 00:43:20,432
gave these apes an experimental
intelligence drug.
709
00:43:20,599 --> 00:43:24,103
I'm being told that all available
officers are now on the scene.
710
00:43:24,269 --> 00:43:29,399
But at this time, we are advising all
our viewers to find alternate routes.
711
00:43:29,566 --> 00:43:32,361
I'm now being told
we have the actual 911 call
712
00:43:32,528 --> 00:43:34,696
that first alerted the police
to the situation.
713
00:43:34,863 --> 00:43:37,116
MAN: - 911, what's your emergency?
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
714
00:43:37,282 --> 00:43:39,868
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
Apes are inside the house!
715
00:43:40,035 --> 00:43:42,204
MAN: Calm down, ma'am. What happened?
716
00:43:42,371 --> 00:43:44,289
WOMAN: We were making love and...
Oh, my God!
717
00:43:44,456 --> 00:43:46,375
- They're attacking him!
MAN: - Who are they attacking, ma'am?
718
00:43:46,542 --> 00:43:50,212
WOMAN: Carl! Oh, my God!
Please, help him!
719
00:43:50,379 --> 00:43:52,548
MAN: - Where is your husband right now?
WOMAN: - Carl's not my husband.
720
00:43:52,714 --> 00:43:56,385
My husband's the anchor for
Channel 12 News. He can't know about it.
721
00:43:56,552 --> 00:43:58,137
MAN: - OK, ma'am, but we need to...
WOMAN: - Hurry!
722
00:43:58,303 --> 00:44:00,264
Send help while my husband's
still on the air!
723
00:44:00,430 --> 00:44:02,850
MAN: Ma'am, that's not important.
Your life is.
724
00:44:03,016 --> 00:44:05,060
WOMAN: Yeah, you're right.
Why should he care?
725
00:44:05,227 --> 00:44:08,480
I mean, I'm pretty sure he's been
sleeping with his co-anchor, that bitch!
726
00:44:08,647 --> 00:44:09,857
Oh, I'm gonna rip her...
727
00:44:10,023 --> 00:44:12,234
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
728
00:44:14,444 --> 00:44:16,405
KENDRA: Congratulations, girl.
729
00:44:16,572 --> 00:44:19,992
I knew it was gonna be you.
You're just so perfect, so mechanical.
730
00:44:20,159 --> 00:44:22,703
Watching you dance
is like watching a robot.
731
00:44:22,870 --> 00:44:24,079
Thanks.
732
00:44:26,331 --> 00:44:27,916
So hungry.
733
00:44:30,502 --> 00:44:31,503
Mm.
734
00:44:31,670 --> 00:44:34,047
- Is that all?
- Pierre has a weight limit.
735
00:44:34,214 --> 00:44:37,009
I'm too heavy. Look at Mara.
736
00:44:37,176 --> 00:44:39,511
She looks great.
737
00:44:41,096 --> 00:44:42,264
Look, are you sure you're OK?
738
00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:44,949
Weird things have been
happening at home.
739
00:44:45,017 --> 00:44:47,186
Kathy said there was
going to be an accident.
740
00:44:47,352 --> 00:44:51,273
- Then it happened to Heather.
- That's some serious shit.
741
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,650
You should talk to those kids.
742
00:44:53,817 --> 00:44:55,360
Whoa, pizza.
743
00:44:58,614 --> 00:45:03,535
I eat and eat and eat,
and I don't gain a pound.
744
00:45:06,663 --> 00:45:08,665
(JODY RETCHING)
745
00:45:13,587 --> 00:45:15,130
(SIGHING)
746
00:45:17,799 --> 00:45:18,884
(GASPING)
747
00:45:28,936 --> 00:45:30,604
Heather!
748
00:45:31,980 --> 00:45:33,482
You think you can replace me?
749
00:45:33,649 --> 00:45:38,237
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the swan consumes you!
750
00:45:48,830 --> 00:45:50,749
Damn it!
751
00:45:51,333 --> 00:45:52,668
Door!
752
00:45:53,961 --> 00:45:55,837
Son of a bitch!
753
00:45:58,548 --> 00:46:01,593
Oh, I didn't know
you were such a good builder.
754
00:46:02,928 --> 00:46:04,346
Wow.
755
00:46:05,472 --> 00:46:08,558
Kathy, I want you
to tell me about Mama.
756
00:46:08,725 --> 00:46:11,728
Mama doesn't like it
when you talk about her.
757
00:46:11,895 --> 00:46:12,938
Who is Mama?
758
00:46:13,105 --> 00:46:15,357
She was a woman who
read from an evil book.
759
00:46:15,524 --> 00:46:18,819
Sometimes she comes to us in a dream.
760
00:46:18,986 --> 00:46:20,946
- In a dream?
(LOW NOTES SOUNDING)
761
00:46:21,113 --> 00:46:23,282
In your dreams, of course.
762
00:46:23,448 --> 00:46:25,284
I wish I could see
what's inside your dreams.
763
00:46:25,450 --> 00:46:26,827
(LOW NOTES SOUNDING)
764
00:46:26,994 --> 00:46:30,163
To extract what's in your dreams.
To perform an inception.
765
00:46:30,330 --> 00:46:31,373
(LOW NOTES SOUNDING)
766
00:46:31,540 --> 00:46:33,875
Will you drop that?
That's my birth tuba.
767
00:46:34,042 --> 00:46:35,085
(DOORBELL RINGS)
768
00:46:37,004 --> 00:46:41,008
Hello. I'm Dom Kolb.
You called about a dream extraction?
769
00:46:41,174 --> 00:46:43,552
JODY: Yes. I need to find
out about an evil book.
770
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:44,886
Mm-hm.
771
00:46:45,095 --> 00:46:47,764
This machine will allow us
access to the dream world.
772
00:46:47,931 --> 00:46:49,224
Let's begin.
773
00:46:53,562 --> 00:46:55,147
So when do we start dreaming?
774
00:46:55,314 --> 00:46:57,941
You never really remember
the beginning of a dream,
775
00:46:58,108 --> 00:46:59,318
- do you?
- I guess.
776
00:46:59,526 --> 00:47:01,445
(RUMBLING)
- OK, then,
777
00:47:01,611 --> 00:47:05,282
this is your first lesson
in shared dreaming. Stay calm.
778
00:47:05,449 --> 00:47:08,118
Sorry. I dropped my phone in there.
779
00:47:09,244 --> 00:47:12,581
You need to clear your subconscious.
And watch what you think about.
780
00:47:12,748 --> 00:47:15,000
- Nothing crazy.
- Right.
781
00:47:15,167 --> 00:47:17,878
Like having your crotch
burst into flames.
782
00:47:18,045 --> 00:47:19,546
(SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
783
00:47:23,592 --> 00:47:24,885
(GASPS)
784
00:47:27,971 --> 00:47:31,183
(GASPS) What does that
have to do with Ma...?
785
00:47:31,350 --> 00:47:33,935
- Hey!
- Oh.
786
00:47:34,811 --> 00:47:38,231
- Let's start over.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
787
00:47:43,153 --> 00:47:45,113
I'm Jody Sanders.
788
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,366
Yes, my dear. I've been expecting you.
789
00:47:47,532 --> 00:47:49,368
Please, come in.
790
00:47:49,534 --> 00:47:51,161
They call me Christian Grey.
791
00:47:52,037 --> 00:47:53,246
(SNIFFING)
792
00:47:55,332 --> 00:47:57,209
How do you like my blue room?
793
00:47:57,376 --> 00:48:00,295
- It's red.
- Oh. I'm color-blind.
794
00:48:00,462 --> 00:48:02,714
My decorator assured me that...
Never mind.
795
00:48:05,550 --> 00:48:07,219
- Champagne?
- Mm.
796
00:48:08,470 --> 00:48:10,305
(CLACKING)
797
00:48:14,518 --> 00:48:15,977
Have a seat.
798
00:48:20,273 --> 00:48:21,274
I'll stand.
799
00:48:21,441 --> 00:48:24,820
Hey, Christian, man, golly, man!
I'd like to thank you a lot, man,
800
00:48:24,986 --> 00:48:27,322
for working on my prostrate
like it was a speed bag.
801
00:48:27,489 --> 00:48:30,450
Yes, Michael, I must admit, I was
surprised at your performance, as well.
802
00:48:30,617 --> 00:48:33,912
Not bad for a washed-up, overweight,
facially tattooed...
803
00:48:34,079 --> 00:48:35,497
(GRUNTS)
804
00:48:35,664 --> 00:48:36,706
Do it again.
805
00:48:39,334 --> 00:48:40,836
(LAUGHS) Oh...!
806
00:48:46,007 --> 00:48:48,552
I have no idea what that one was.
807
00:48:49,344 --> 00:48:51,304
Me neither.
808
00:48:53,181 --> 00:48:55,308
Mama, are you here?
809
00:48:55,475 --> 00:48:59,062
WOMAN: Dom, is that you?
- Oh, shit.
810
00:48:59,229 --> 00:49:02,524
You said you'd had a dream
that we'd grow old together.
811
00:49:02,691 --> 00:49:04,401
Right. And We Will.
812
00:49:04,568 --> 00:49:07,612
- What are you doing here?
- Hi.
813
00:49:07,779 --> 00:49:09,899
How could you bring her here?
What about our children?
814
00:49:09,990 --> 00:49:13,535
- They're not real.
- Yes, they are. Watch.
815
00:49:13,702 --> 00:49:15,745
James, Phillippa!
816
00:49:17,581 --> 00:49:18,415
Ew.
817
00:49:24,379 --> 00:49:26,965
You're not gonna jump, are you?
818
00:49:27,132 --> 00:49:29,843
I hadn't thought about that.
Thank you.
819
00:49:30,802 --> 00:49:32,721
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)
820
00:49:32,888 --> 00:49:33,930
OK, we're not getting anywhere.
821
00:49:34,097 --> 00:49:35,557
What does any of this
have to do with Kathy?
822
00:49:35,724 --> 00:49:37,517
Kathy? I thought you were Kathy.
823
00:49:40,896 --> 00:49:42,063
Oh.
824
00:49:55,827 --> 00:50:00,916
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
(GASPS)
825
00:50:18,558 --> 00:50:20,769
(JODY SCREAMS, DISTORTED)
What's happening to me?!
826
00:50:20,936 --> 00:50:22,354
(GASPS, PANTING)
827
00:50:22,521 --> 00:50:25,607
- That must have been her.
- Mama.
828
00:50:26,733 --> 00:50:28,485
She wants to take us home to the cliff.
829
00:50:29,945 --> 00:50:31,780
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.
830
00:50:32,906 --> 00:50:34,906
But I trust you'll give me
a favorable Yelp review?
831
00:50:37,702 --> 00:50:40,413
(BARKING)
832
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,480
NARRATOR: Jody's mission was clear.
833
00:50:43,625 --> 00:50:45,544
The evil book that created Mama
834
00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:49,256
was located in the cellar
of a cabin, in the woods.
835
00:50:49,422 --> 00:50:53,552
If she could find that cabin,
maybe she could find some answers.
836
00:50:53,718 --> 00:50:56,805
If we can find that cabin,
maybe we can find some answers.
837
00:50:56,972 --> 00:50:58,848
OK, calm down. I'm gonna come over.
838
00:50:59,015 --> 00:51:00,392
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
839
00:51:00,559 --> 00:51:01,851
- Kendra?
- What?
840
00:51:02,018 --> 00:51:03,562
(PANTING)
841
00:51:03,728 --> 00:51:05,647
OK, wait, what's going on now?
842
00:51:05,814 --> 00:51:08,149
I think she's out there!
843
00:51:09,651 --> 00:51:11,736
OK, OK, just... you stay calm!
844
00:51:11,903 --> 00:51:13,143
FEMALE VOICE: Front door open.
845
00:51:13,154 --> 00:51:15,282
- She's in the house!
- Front door open.
846
00:51:15,448 --> 00:51:17,576
- OK, stay...
- Front door open.
847
00:51:17,742 --> 00:51:19,160
Shut the hell up!
848
00:51:19,327 --> 00:51:20,954
FEMALE VOICE: No need for that, bitch.
849
00:51:21,121 --> 00:51:23,081
- Bitch?! (HIGH PITCHED SQUEAL)
- Front door open.
850
00:51:23,164 --> 00:51:25,292
- No, you did not just call me a bitch!
- Front door open...
851
00:51:25,458 --> 00:51:26,459
(SCREAMING)
852
00:51:28,628 --> 00:51:30,046
- Honey?
- Dan?!
853
00:51:30,213 --> 00:51:34,175
I am so sorry. I didn't know
who you were and...
854
00:51:34,342 --> 00:51:38,054
It's OK, honey, it was an accident.
Right, Caesar?
855
00:51:38,221 --> 00:51:40,974
- And of course he can stay here.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
856
00:51:44,144 --> 00:51:46,354
Look at that. Caesar wants to help out
around the house.
857
00:51:46,521 --> 00:51:47,522
Aw.
858
00:51:48,106 --> 00:51:50,400
Hey... (SCREAMING)
859
00:51:56,364 --> 00:51:58,700
I'm sorry, I see an ape,
I come out swinging.
860
00:51:58,867 --> 00:52:01,953
- That's understandable.
(GRUNTING)
861
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:03,622
Here you go.
862
00:52:03,788 --> 00:52:06,750
I am so glad you're OK,
but tonight was a wake-up call.
863
00:52:06,916 --> 00:52:10,712
- I think we've got to find that cabin.
- OK. I got an idea.
864
00:52:10,879 --> 00:52:14,299
Wait, we fired Maria.
Who's gonna watch the kids?
865
00:52:14,466 --> 00:52:16,968
- I already took care of it.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
866
00:52:18,303 --> 00:52:21,014
- Naughty Nanny's here.
- Nice to meet you, Naughty.
867
00:52:21,181 --> 00:52:24,225
- This is my wife Jody.
- Threesome? That costs extra.
868
00:52:25,310 --> 00:52:28,021
Oh, Jesus. Monkey, too?
869
00:52:28,188 --> 00:52:32,108
Oh, you people are freaks,
but for an extra $100.
870
00:52:32,275 --> 00:52:33,652
What agency did you call?
871
00:52:33,818 --> 00:52:36,363
Oh, they have nurses
and cheerleaders and nannies.
872
00:52:36,529 --> 00:52:38,782
Dan, you called an escort service.
873
00:52:38,948 --> 00:52:41,660
I used the same agency
to book a Santa for Christmas.
874
00:52:41,826 --> 00:52:43,495
Someone called for Santa?
875
00:52:44,621 --> 00:52:46,956
Ho, ho, ho.
876
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,044
Dan, you're watching the kids.
877
00:52:56,591 --> 00:53:00,929
NARRATOR: Jody was nervous
about what she might find at the cabin,
878
00:53:01,096 --> 00:53:02,681
but she was comforted by the fact
879
00:53:02,847 --> 00:53:06,267
that Caesar and the girls
were in good hands.
880
00:53:06,476 --> 00:53:07,894
(GRUNTING)
881
00:53:23,535 --> 00:53:25,745
(LAUGHING)
882
00:53:26,746 --> 00:53:28,206
(GRUNTS)
(THUD)
883
00:53:32,001 --> 00:53:33,211
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
884
00:53:35,130 --> 00:53:37,507
Who do you work for?
885
00:53:37,674 --> 00:53:38,675
(HOUSE MUSIC PLAYS)
886
00:53:38,842 --> 00:53:40,760
JODY: Kendra, this isn't
the cabin I was talking about.
887
00:53:40,927 --> 00:53:43,930
KENDRA: I know, I just
thought you needed to relax.
888
00:53:44,097 --> 00:53:45,140
Take one of these.
889
00:53:45,974 --> 00:53:48,601
Um, I don't know.
890
00:53:48,768 --> 00:53:51,563
Oh, come on, they'll only last
a couple of hours, tops.
891
00:53:51,730 --> 00:53:54,899
Kendra, I don't need drugs to have fun.
892
00:53:55,066 --> 00:53:57,652
(SCREAMING)
893
00:53:59,237 --> 00:54:00,397
- Let me take a picture.
- OK.
894
00:54:00,488 --> 00:54:01,656
Oh, that's so hot!
895
00:54:01,823 --> 00:54:03,491
Yeah!
896
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:07,704
Yeah, ride it, yeah, yeah!
897
00:54:22,093 --> 00:54:24,763
A dollar will make me holler,
honey boo boo child.
898
00:54:24,929 --> 00:54:28,057
(SCREAMING)
899
00:54:28,224 --> 00:54:29,684
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
900
00:54:29,851 --> 00:54:31,936
(SHOUTING)
901
00:54:50,288 --> 00:54:52,916
(ELECTRONIC POP MUSIC PLAYS)
902
00:55:09,974 --> 00:55:12,143
- Sorry.
(MOUTHING)
903
00:55:16,105 --> 00:55:17,148
(EXHALES)
904
00:55:17,941 --> 00:55:18,942
(GASPS)
905
00:55:22,487 --> 00:55:23,321
(BOTH GASP)
906
00:55:25,657 --> 00:55:27,659
I don't always go downtown,
907
00:55:27,826 --> 00:55:31,746
but when I do,
I drink a beer first.
908
00:55:31,913 --> 00:55:35,667
I'm the king of the world!
Woo! Woo!
909
00:55:36,459 --> 00:55:39,003
(GRUNTS) I'm wicked hard!
910
00:55:39,671 --> 00:55:41,089
(GRUNTING)
911
00:55:42,674 --> 00:55:43,800
Mind if I play through?
912
00:55:44,384 --> 00:55:45,677
(GLASS BREAKING)
- Ooh, shit!
913
00:55:45,844 --> 00:55:48,930
Again? You son of a bitch,
I'm gonna kill you!
914
00:56:13,872 --> 00:56:15,748
(TRAIN HORN)
915
00:56:21,087 --> 00:56:23,089
(FOG HORN SOUNDS)
916
00:56:26,426 --> 00:56:29,929
(PANTING) Oh, my God,
rehearsal. I'm late.
917
00:56:30,305 --> 00:56:34,767
Oh, no, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
918
00:56:34,934 --> 00:56:37,145
(PIANO PLAYS CLASSICAL MUSIC)
919
00:56:43,610 --> 00:56:44,527
(APPLAUSE)
920
00:56:47,155 --> 00:56:48,948
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
921
00:56:50,491 --> 00:56:53,828
- Stop, stop!
- Oh, Jody, thank God you're here, girl.
922
00:56:53,995 --> 00:56:55,413
I was just dancing and kissing him
923
00:56:55,580 --> 00:56:56,998
'cause I didn't want him
to think about you being late.
924
00:56:57,165 --> 00:56:59,406
Well, I'm the dancer, so I'll do
the kissing around here.
925
00:56:59,542 --> 00:57:01,210
That was amazing.
926
00:57:04,213 --> 00:57:05,453
I want you to have my children.
927
00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:07,967
But, Papa, please,
we want to stay with you.
928
00:57:08,134 --> 00:57:10,386
- Back in the car, Gaston.
- Aw...
929
00:57:10,553 --> 00:57:12,221
She can't make you forget about me.
930
00:57:12,388 --> 00:57:14,474
I overslept because you
just took off this morning.
931
00:57:14,641 --> 00:57:16,184
- This morning?
- Yeah, you slept over.
932
00:57:16,351 --> 00:57:19,062
What? Wait a minute, did you have
some kind of lezzo dream fantasy
933
00:57:19,228 --> 00:57:21,230
- about me?
- Don't act like you weren't there.
934
00:57:21,397 --> 00:57:24,233
We had something special.
We made love last night for hours.
935
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,152
- What?
- Oh, and now you're gonna tell me
936
00:57:26,319 --> 00:57:27,654
Tiger Woods didn't
come out of my vagina?
937
00:57:27,820 --> 00:57:29,030
(ALL SPITTING, GASPING)
938
00:57:30,406 --> 00:57:33,451
- Jody.
(EXHALES, CHUCKLES)
939
00:57:33,618 --> 00:57:35,495
What?!
940
00:57:35,662 --> 00:57:37,789
Oh, yeah, yeah.
941
00:57:37,956 --> 00:57:40,166
Well, that explains the poison ivy.
942
00:57:40,333 --> 00:57:41,709
Jody?
943
00:57:42,835 --> 00:57:45,046
- There you are.
- Kendra?
944
00:57:45,213 --> 00:57:46,839
Oh, the door was open
so I let myself in.
945
00:57:47,006 --> 00:57:49,676
It's OK. Look, I'm so sorry.
946
00:57:49,842 --> 00:57:52,345
I really believed something happened
between us last night.
947
00:57:52,512 --> 00:57:55,682
- I must have dreamt the whole thing.
- Oh, no, we had sex.
948
00:57:55,848 --> 00:57:57,488
But this morning at rehearsal,
you said...
949
00:57:57,517 --> 00:57:59,397
I can't have the whole cast
knowing my business.
950
00:57:59,519 --> 00:58:01,020
I'm already doing half of 'em,
951
00:58:01,187 --> 00:58:03,022
and besides, me and Pierre...
we have this little thing...
952
00:58:03,189 --> 00:58:04,399
Wait, then, what's this?
953
00:58:05,900 --> 00:58:07,620
Beats me... must have
happened after I left.
954
00:58:07,735 --> 00:58:11,030
- Oh, yeah!
- Girl, you are freaky.
955
00:58:12,865 --> 00:58:14,617
(MICROWAVE DINGS)
- Oh, yeah.
956
00:58:14,784 --> 00:58:16,953
Oh, yeah, get it. Oh, my God.
957
00:58:19,414 --> 00:58:21,207
(GROWLING)
- Oh, shit!
958
00:58:21,374 --> 00:58:24,210
(CRASHING)
- See, I knew she was real.
959
00:58:26,462 --> 00:58:28,542
JODY: All right, let's find out
where this cabin is.
960
00:58:29,841 --> 00:58:31,634
(MUSIC PLAYS ON COMPUTER)
- Ugh!
961
00:58:37,974 --> 00:58:41,477
(MUSIC PLAYS ON COMPUTER)
962
00:58:44,230 --> 00:58:45,398
(LILY PANTING)
963
00:58:46,190 --> 00:58:48,693
KENDRA: What in the hell?
(EXCLAIMS)
964
00:58:48,860 --> 00:58:50,987
- Bad girl.
(WHIMPERING)
965
00:58:52,488 --> 00:58:53,489
Oh, what is this?
966
00:58:53,656 --> 00:58:57,201
JODY: Oh, my God, it's the same
cabin from the dream. Of course.
967
00:58:58,745 --> 00:59:00,496
KENDRA: So, what are we gonna do
if we find that book?
968
00:59:00,663 --> 00:59:03,332
JODY: I don't know, if that's the book
that turned Mama into what she is,
969
00:59:03,499 --> 00:59:06,044
maybe it could
somehow reverse the curse.
970
00:59:06,210 --> 00:59:07,670
OK, we're almost there.
971
00:59:09,005 --> 00:59:12,175
- Hey, I'm not going in there.
- We have to go inside.
972
00:59:12,341 --> 00:59:15,553
The book is the key
to the nightmare I'm living.
973
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:19,265
- Oh, my gosh, who are you?
- I'm Jody and this is Kendra.
974
00:59:19,432 --> 00:59:21,184
We're looking for something
very important.
975
00:59:21,350 --> 00:59:23,603
We all are. Come on in.
976
00:59:28,858 --> 00:59:32,070
♪ Go tell it on the mountain
977
00:59:32,236 --> 00:59:36,407
♪ Over the hills and everywhere
Go...
978
00:59:36,574 --> 00:59:39,077
Everybody, this is Jody and Kendra.
979
00:59:39,243 --> 00:59:40,995
- Hello, Jody and Kendra.
- Hi.
980
00:59:41,162 --> 00:59:42,413
Pardon me for not standing,
981
00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:45,140
but I'm mending the wing of this bird
that we found in the woods.
982
00:59:45,249 --> 00:59:47,960
OK. Hi, we're in a hurry.
983
00:59:48,127 --> 00:59:49,879
We're actually looking for
a book that could save lives.
984
00:59:50,046 --> 00:59:52,381
- Yes, I've got it right here.
- Oh, thank God.
985
00:59:52,548 --> 00:59:56,719
Thank him indeed. The Bible.
Here, let me read to you.
986
00:59:56,886 --> 00:59:59,597
Oh, no, no, see,
we're actually looking for...
987
00:59:59,764 --> 01:00:03,601
- ...the book of evil.
- I know evil all too well.
988
01:00:03,768 --> 01:00:05,645
- You do?
- This weekend's devoted to Mia.
989
01:00:05,812 --> 01:00:07,063
It's a detox weekend.
990
01:00:08,439 --> 01:00:10,733
She's hooked on energy shots.
991
01:00:10,900 --> 01:00:12,485
Oh, yeah, that's a real struggle.
992
01:00:12,652 --> 01:00:14,320
OK, listen,
we're looking for another book
993
01:00:14,487 --> 01:00:17,156
- somewhere in this cabin.
- Hm. We haven't seen anything.
994
01:00:17,323 --> 01:00:18,991
We gave it a shot,
let's get out of here.
995
01:00:19,158 --> 01:00:20,993
OK, wait.
996
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:24,247
- Is there a cellar?
(SCOFFS) - Great.
997
01:00:29,001 --> 01:00:31,087
- There it is.
- Oh!
998
01:00:47,728 --> 01:00:49,021
OK, I don't care what it says.
999
01:00:50,481 --> 01:00:52,275
"The curse begins with four words.
1000
01:00:52,441 --> 01:00:55,820
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
1001
01:01:04,954 --> 01:01:07,456
(SCREAMING)
1002
01:01:07,623 --> 01:01:09,343
(DISTORTED)
You're all going to die tonight.
1003
01:01:09,876 --> 01:01:12,170
(SNORTING, COUGHING)
1004
01:01:12,336 --> 01:01:14,177
(NORMAL VOICE)
You're all going to die tonight.
1005
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:18,217
(SCREAMING)
(BIRD COOING)
1006
01:01:28,436 --> 01:01:30,062
JODY: "The curse ends with one word."
1007
01:01:30,229 --> 01:01:31,856
"Adunda."
1008
01:01:34,483 --> 01:01:35,818
What the heck?
1009
01:01:35,985 --> 01:01:39,447
- Why? (SOBBING)
- I don't have an arm.
1010
01:01:40,823 --> 01:01:43,409
For some reason
I cut my tongue in half.
1011
01:01:43,576 --> 01:01:46,996
OK, well, let's at least finish
the song. Everyone hold hands.
1012
01:01:47,163 --> 01:01:50,416
- Except for Eric.
- Damn.
1013
01:01:50,583 --> 01:01:54,629
♪ Go tell it on the mountain
1014
01:01:54,795 --> 01:01:58,966
♪ Over the hills and everywhere
1015
01:01:59,133 --> 01:02:01,594
Well, maybe we didn't do it right.
1016
01:02:01,761 --> 01:02:04,513
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
1017
01:02:06,557 --> 01:02:07,767
(SCREAMING)
1018
01:02:17,276 --> 01:02:19,320
"Adunda."
1019
01:02:19,487 --> 01:02:22,114
Why does this keep happening?
Where's my arm?
1020
01:02:22,281 --> 01:02:24,742
- Is this yours?
- That's a left.
1021
01:02:24,909 --> 01:02:26,452
That's mine.
Could you hand it to me, please?
1022
01:02:26,619 --> 01:02:29,121
- I need a right.
- Eric chainsawed it off.
1023
01:02:29,288 --> 01:02:31,540
- Look, I'm sorry.
- My... My leg?
1024
01:02:31,707 --> 01:02:34,085
No, that's black. It's not mine.
1025
01:02:34,252 --> 01:02:36,837
- Oh, shit.
- I don't know what I'm gonna do.
1026
01:02:37,004 --> 01:02:39,840
(SOBBING)
- Oh, cry me a river.
1027
01:02:40,007 --> 01:02:42,327
I'm gonna need a little help.
I have to go to the bathroom.
1028
01:02:43,302 --> 01:02:46,973
- My penis is in the corner.
- This is fucked up.
1029
01:02:47,139 --> 01:02:48,641
Let me try.
1030
01:02:50,476 --> 01:02:55,314
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
1031
01:02:58,192 --> 01:02:59,193
Nothing again.
1032
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:00,861
(SCREAMING)
1033
01:03:02,655 --> 01:03:04,282
- You know what? Let's go.
- Wait, there's a door right here.
1034
01:03:04,448 --> 01:03:05,741
Let's go out this way.
1035
01:03:05,908 --> 01:03:08,369
OK, cool, we can avoid
the weirdos upstairs.
1036
01:03:08,536 --> 01:03:11,998
(DISTORTED) ♪ We're gonna get you
1037
01:03:12,164 --> 01:03:14,959
♪ Not another peep
1038
01:03:15,126 --> 01:03:16,460
(SHRIEKS)
1039
01:03:17,003 --> 01:03:22,925
JODY, KENDRA: Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
1040
01:03:23,259 --> 01:03:25,636
JODY: Kendra and I recited
the Latin words over and over
1041
01:03:25,803 --> 01:03:27,888
at the cabin and on the way home.
1042
01:03:28,055 --> 01:03:30,850
We must have said it a hundred times,
but nothing happened.
1043
01:03:31,017 --> 01:03:32,297
What if it isn't the right book?
1044
01:03:32,351 --> 01:03:34,687
Maybe the curse
has somehow been lifted.
1045
01:03:36,689 --> 01:03:40,026
NARRATOR: Luckily for Dan and Jody,
there was someone in the house
1046
01:03:40,192 --> 01:03:42,528
who, thanks to the I-13 formula,
1047
01:03:42,695 --> 01:03:46,490
had increased intelligence
and superior cognitive ability.
1048
01:03:46,657 --> 01:03:49,201
His analytical problem-solving skills
allowed him...
1049
01:03:49,368 --> 01:03:52,163
(BABY LAUGHING)
- ...to ascertain crucial information.
1050
01:03:52,330 --> 01:03:57,293
A marvel of modern-da y science,
his IQ had surpassed even the most...
1051
01:03:57,460 --> 01:03:58,711
Aw, hell.
1052
01:04:04,508 --> 01:04:07,595
(COOING)
1053
01:04:09,305 --> 01:04:11,182
(ECHOING GROAN)
1054
01:04:18,105 --> 01:04:19,940
(GROWLING, GRUNTING)
1055
01:04:21,150 --> 01:04:23,444
(SCREAMING)
1056
01:04:29,700 --> 01:04:31,577
Why did I think
you could be intelligent?
1057
01:04:31,744 --> 01:04:33,746
You're nothing but a dumb animal.
1058
01:04:33,913 --> 01:04:35,289
Ow!
1059
01:04:35,456 --> 01:04:37,249
Idiot!
1060
01:04:39,668 --> 01:04:41,921
- I can talk.
MAN: Hey, Caesar.
1061
01:04:43,589 --> 01:04:46,592
(GASPS) Steve?
1062
01:04:46,759 --> 01:04:48,427
Dan's got a mad demon in his house.
1063
01:04:49,220 --> 01:04:52,306
- Matt Damon's in his house?
- No, a mad demon.
1064
01:04:52,473 --> 01:04:56,560
I love Matt Damon. Jason Bourne.
(IMITATES GUNFIRE)
1065
01:04:56,727 --> 01:04:57,937
Oy.
1066
01:05:00,606 --> 01:05:03,734
I should have known not to bring
a wild animal into the house.
1067
01:05:03,901 --> 01:05:05,528
I'm... I'm so sorry.
1068
01:05:05,694 --> 01:05:07,774
But I believed in Caesar.
I thought he was different.
1069
01:05:07,863 --> 01:05:09,103
There's something more to this.
1070
01:05:09,156 --> 01:05:12,535
- I can feel it.
- No, he just... went crazy.
1071
01:05:12,701 --> 01:05:16,038
Forget it. But I still think Mama
could be in this house.
1072
01:05:16,205 --> 01:05:17,957
- But don't you...
- We just had a whole night go on
1073
01:05:18,124 --> 01:05:21,877
- without a single sign of anything.
- I guess.
1074
01:05:22,878 --> 01:05:24,797
I was just so scared
last night for the kids.
1075
01:05:24,964 --> 01:05:26,424
You're coming around.
1076
01:05:28,008 --> 01:05:31,429
JODY: Am I getting attached to them?
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS)
1077
01:06:12,678 --> 01:06:14,430
JODY: It's the cliff from the dream.
1078
01:06:15,139 --> 01:06:17,933
(DISTORTED VOICE) Get in the car now.
Don't make me yell!
1079
01:06:18,100 --> 01:06:20,686
Unto thee, Satan,
I sacrifice these children.
1080
01:06:20,853 --> 01:06:23,272
Return home to the cliff of...
Holy shit!
1081
01:06:23,439 --> 01:06:24,982
(SCREAMING)
(KATHY CRYING)
1082
01:06:25,149 --> 01:06:27,776
Home is at the cliff.
Oh, my God. Girls!
1083
01:06:28,652 --> 01:06:32,156
Kathy. It's OK. I saw the cliff.
I know what "home" means.
1084
01:06:32,323 --> 01:06:34,116
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)
1085
01:06:34,283 --> 01:06:38,287
(MOANING)
(SCREAMING)
1086
01:06:43,417 --> 01:06:45,127
- Whoa!
(CRASH)
1087
01:06:47,129 --> 01:06:48,547
Come on, girls. Let's go get Aidan.
1088
01:06:48,714 --> 01:06:50,549
That's cool.
1089
01:06:50,716 --> 01:06:53,093
Lily! Come on.
1090
01:06:54,970 --> 01:06:56,847
Aidan! Are you OK?
(SCREAMING)
1091
01:07:05,814 --> 01:07:07,525
Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan!
1092
01:07:07,691 --> 01:07:09,151
Mama! Mama! Mama!
1093
01:07:09,318 --> 01:07:10,444
(GROWLING)
- She's here!
1094
01:07:10,611 --> 01:07:13,531
Whoa. Girls, girls, girls.
One at a time. Lily, you first.
1095
01:07:13,697 --> 01:07:16,617
(GROWLING)
1096
01:07:16,784 --> 01:07:18,077
Got it. Now Kathy.
1097
01:07:18,244 --> 01:07:20,663
Mama! Mama! She's here!
She's gonna kill us!
1098
01:07:20,829 --> 01:07:23,249
How many times do I have to tell
everyone there's no such thing as...
1099
01:07:23,415 --> 01:07:25,042
(SCREAMING)
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
1100
01:07:31,257 --> 01:07:33,008
(SCREAMING)
1101
01:07:34,843 --> 01:07:36,595
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
1102
01:07:49,191 --> 01:07:50,401
(CHUCKLES) Ow!
1103
01:08:08,294 --> 01:08:09,962
(GROANING)
1104
01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:11,714
Maria? What are you doing here?
1105
01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:14,717
I was angry you fire me,
so I bake you this.
1106
01:08:16,093 --> 01:08:19,179
(FLIES BUZZING)
- A shit pie?
1107
01:08:19,346 --> 01:08:22,433
- Uh, thanks, but...
- Hot dog?
1108
01:08:24,184 --> 01:08:27,313
No, that's still shit with mustard.
1109
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:31,734
Maybe just a banana, then?
Very much potassium.
1110
01:08:31,900 --> 01:08:34,445
So bueno, Mr. Dan.
1111
01:08:34,612 --> 01:08:36,864
No, I... I'm sorry.
I should have listened to you...
1112
01:08:37,031 --> 01:08:41,452
Mr. Dan, we have our problems,
but I always love you.
1113
01:08:41,619 --> 01:08:43,037
So much.
1114
01:08:43,704 --> 01:08:45,664
(MUFFLED GRUNTS)
1115
01:08:48,584 --> 01:08:51,378
When I see you, I see my father.
1116
01:08:53,881 --> 01:08:55,257
Dan. Dan, we have to...
1117
01:08:56,342 --> 01:08:59,386
- Wait. What's going on here?
- I can explain.
1118
01:09:00,262 --> 01:09:02,782
There's no time. Mama has the girls.
I know where she took them.
1119
01:09:03,557 --> 01:09:05,267
Got to go.
1120
01:09:05,434 --> 01:09:06,935
You remind me of my father.
1121
01:09:07,102 --> 01:09:08,854
JODY: Dan!
1122
01:09:11,774 --> 01:09:13,651
NARRATOR: Knowing the girls
were in danger,
1123
01:09:13,817 --> 01:09:17,029
Dan and Jody sped off,
racing to get to the cliff they...
1124
01:09:17,196 --> 01:09:19,406
Oh, my God. What happened to the car?
1125
01:09:19,573 --> 01:09:20,991
Where...? Oh, there it is.
1126
01:09:21,158 --> 01:09:25,454
They were no longer able to sit idly by
and let a ghost jump off a cliff,
1127
01:09:25,621 --> 01:09:27,206
- sacrificing their children with her.
DAN: Kathy! Lily!
1128
01:09:27,373 --> 01:09:30,042
Oh, my God. There they are.
Kathy, Lily, stop!
1129
01:09:30,250 --> 01:09:32,711
(GRUNTING, GROWLING)
1130
01:09:32,878 --> 01:09:35,005
- What do we do now?
- Um, I'll just...
1131
01:09:35,172 --> 01:09:37,013
...read from this
and change her back to human.
1132
01:09:37,049 --> 01:09:38,050
(SCREAMING)
(GROWLING)
1133
01:09:45,724 --> 01:09:48,143
Girls, run! Run! No.
1134
01:09:48,310 --> 01:09:49,895
No, not that way. Away from the cliff!
1135
01:09:52,356 --> 01:09:53,565
I'm not going to let Mama
take you away again.
1136
01:09:53,732 --> 01:09:55,943
(WHISTLING)
1137
01:10:00,155 --> 01:10:04,034
Lily, stop! Come on.
Come on. Here, girl. Come on, Lily.
1138
01:10:05,411 --> 01:10:09,081
Come on. Look. Oh, look. Yeah.
1139
01:10:09,248 --> 01:10:11,458
(SQUEALS)
(PANTS)
1140
01:10:14,628 --> 01:10:18,382
Come on. Look. Oh, yeah. Lily.
1141
01:10:18,549 --> 01:10:21,427
Oh, wow. Yeah.
1142
01:10:22,636 --> 01:10:23,887
Oh, come on.
1143
01:10:24,930 --> 01:10:27,725
Enough! This is crazy.
1144
01:10:27,891 --> 01:10:30,477
- Lily's not a dog.
(WHIMPERS)
1145
01:10:30,644 --> 01:10:33,105
She's a beautiful little girl
who I've grown to love.
1146
01:10:33,272 --> 01:10:36,734
I love all these children, Mama,
even if they don't all love me.
1147
01:10:36,900 --> 01:10:41,113
- Lily loves you, too, Jody.
(LILY PANTING)
1148
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:42,823
And they belong in this world
with me and Dan.
1149
01:10:42,990 --> 01:10:45,617
Because they deserve parents
who aren't decomposing.
1150
01:10:46,660 --> 01:10:48,162
Good girl.
1151
01:10:48,328 --> 01:10:51,457
(SQUEALING)
- All right, enough.
1152
01:10:52,541 --> 01:10:54,543
Where's the page?
Damn it, I can't find it.
1153
01:10:54,710 --> 01:10:56,170
Forget it.
1154
01:10:56,336 --> 01:10:58,338
There, that worked. Maybe not.
1155
01:10:58,505 --> 01:10:59,882
(GROWLING)
1156
01:11:03,135 --> 01:11:05,929
(GROWLING)
(HOWLING IN PAIN)
1157
01:11:10,017 --> 01:11:12,478
(SCREAMING)
1158
01:11:12,644 --> 01:11:15,147
(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)
1159
01:11:15,314 --> 01:11:17,274
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMING)
1160
01:11:17,441 --> 01:11:19,902
Man, we need to stop smoking this shit.
1161
01:11:23,989 --> 01:11:26,200
Told you that shark
was going to come in handy.
1162
01:11:26,366 --> 01:11:28,619
Thank you. Lily.
1163
01:11:29,495 --> 01:11:31,497
Honey, thank God you're all right.
1164
01:11:44,176 --> 01:11:47,012
- Your cue is coming up.
- Oh, Kendra.
1165
01:11:49,765 --> 01:11:52,017
Look, it's OK, girl.
Let's forget about what happened.
1166
01:11:52,184 --> 01:11:56,355
- You are the Black Swan.
- No. It's you.
1167
01:11:56,522 --> 01:12:00,442
Throwing Mama off the cliff has really
made me reevaluate my priorities.
1168
01:12:00,609 --> 01:12:03,737
My family comes first.
You dance the Black Swan.
1169
01:12:04,947 --> 01:12:07,449
- Because sometimes in life...
- OK.
1170
01:12:09,117 --> 01:12:13,789
MAN: Introducing our new Swan Queen,
Miss Kendra Brooks.
1171
01:12:13,956 --> 01:12:16,041
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
1172
01:12:35,561 --> 01:12:38,814
- This is not ballet.
- No, it the hell ain't.
1173
01:12:40,691 --> 01:12:42,401
This some bullshit.
1174
01:12:44,528 --> 01:12:47,322
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
1175
01:12:47,489 --> 01:12:49,241
(YELLING)
1176
01:12:51,326 --> 01:12:54,162
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1177
01:12:54,329 --> 01:12:57,249
That's what I'm talking about!
Right? Right?
1178
01:12:57,416 --> 01:12:58,792
You know that shit, right?
1179
01:12:58,959 --> 01:13:01,962
NARRATOR: And so our story ends.
1180
01:13:02,129 --> 01:13:04,298
If anything is to be learned from this,
1181
01:13:04,464 --> 01:13:07,426
it's that mankind is a pathetic race
1182
01:13:07,593 --> 01:13:10,971
and apes need to take over this planet.
1183
01:13:11,138 --> 01:13:14,600
Enjoy Earth while you still got it.
(LAUGHING)
1184
01:13:15,017 --> 01:13:17,936
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
1185
01:13:57,392 --> 01:14:01,063
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the swan consumes you!
1186
01:14:19,164 --> 01:14:22,334
(LAUGHING QUIETLY)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1187
01:14:22,501 --> 01:14:25,712
I cannot hold it that long.
It's, like... it's so long.
1188
01:14:35,931 --> 01:14:38,600
(BLEEPING)
1189
01:14:48,151 --> 01:14:50,904
(GRUNTING, SCREAMING)
1190
01:14:56,702 --> 01:14:58,412
We're kissing.
1191
01:15:03,333 --> 01:15:05,419
(LAUGHING)
MAN: Cut! Cut!
1192
01:15:07,129 --> 01:15:08,547
- Cut!
(LAUGHING)
1193
01:15:12,300 --> 01:15:13,301
We're kissing.
1194
01:15:32,612 --> 01:15:35,699
(LAUGHTER)
MAN: Cut!
1195
01:15:44,708 --> 01:15:46,543
(BANG)
(GASPS)
1196
01:15:47,711 --> 01:15:48,879
(LAUGHTER)
1197
01:15:49,046 --> 01:15:51,465
- What happened?
MAN: Guy was in the shot.
1198
01:15:51,631 --> 01:15:54,176
- Ah.
MAN: Cut!
1199
01:15:54,342 --> 01:15:55,635
But was he dressed like a demon?
1200
01:15:58,764 --> 01:16:00,524
MAN: Do the second "my penis"
as a question.
1201
01:16:00,682 --> 01:16:02,768
OK. And then "my other penis"
is a question also?
1202
01:16:02,934 --> 01:16:04,102
MAN: Yeah.
- OK.
1203
01:16:04,269 --> 01:16:06,188
But remember, you're jumping
to "What the hell is that?"
1204
01:16:06,354 --> 01:16:08,440
- I know. I don't know why.
- You're jumping... Yeah.
1205
01:16:08,607 --> 01:16:10,317
There's just so many penises.
1206
01:16:10,484 --> 01:16:12,861
MAN: Welcome to Hollywood.
(LAUGHING)
1207
01:16:15,906 --> 01:16:18,283
- I'm ready for it.
- Hey.
1208
01:16:18,450 --> 01:16:19,951
I'm OK With this.
1209
01:16:20,118 --> 01:16:23,038
That's the temporary nurses' shower.
1210
01:16:23,205 --> 01:16:25,123
- And we're painting it.
- Cut.
1211
01:16:25,290 --> 01:16:28,293
That's the... temporary nurses' shower.
1212
01:16:28,460 --> 01:16:30,087
I'm OK With this.
1213
01:16:34,174 --> 01:16:35,967
Sorry, you guys. I...
1214
01:16:39,471 --> 01:16:40,806
I'm OK With this.
1215
01:16:40,972 --> 01:16:44,392
That's the nurses'
temporary locker room,
1216
01:16:44,559 --> 01:16:46,186
and we're repainting it.
1217
01:16:47,896 --> 01:16:49,147
(LAUGHING)
MAN: Cut.
1218
01:16:56,071 --> 01:16:59,282
Ouch. Hello here!
1219
01:17:02,410 --> 01:17:03,495
MAN: B mark!
1220
01:17:03,662 --> 01:17:05,580
- And background.
MAN 2: Action!
1221
01:17:08,375 --> 01:17:10,168
Oh! (BLEEPING)
1222
01:17:15,632 --> 01:17:18,760
Jody! Thank God I caught you.
1223
01:17:19,719 --> 01:17:22,556
I forgot to tell you, now that
you are the Swan Queen...
1224
01:17:26,518 --> 01:17:27,853
Suck my... (BLEEP)
1225
01:17:30,438 --> 01:17:32,607
I'll save you, Snoop Dogg.
1226
01:17:32,774 --> 01:17:35,902
My name ain't Snoop Dogg
in this... (BLEEPING) movie, man!
1227
01:17:36,069 --> 01:17:38,029
(LAUGHING)
1228
01:17:41,158 --> 01:17:43,368
- Well, I mean, I...
- Sh...
1229
01:17:45,078 --> 01:17:46,663
(LAUGHING)
1230
01:17:53,503 --> 01:17:54,504
Stop it!
1231
01:17:54,671 --> 01:17:56,548
We're good. We're good.
1232
01:17:59,676 --> 01:18:02,888
MAN: Now prepare for a night
of unparalleled passion.
1233
01:18:03,054 --> 01:18:05,724
- Oh, wait, wait, Mr. Grey...
- The safe word is "deeper."
1234
01:18:05,891 --> 01:18:06,892
- What?
(WHIP CRACKS)
1235
01:18:07,058 --> 01:18:07,976
(SCREAMING)
1236
01:18:13,940 --> 01:18:15,066
JODY: Damn! Ow!
1237
01:18:15,233 --> 01:18:16,568
Whoa!
1238
01:18:20,697 --> 01:18:22,498
What does all this
have to do with the ballet?
1239
01:18:22,657 --> 01:18:26,161
- Ballet? (CHUCKLES)
- Yes. Aren't you donating millions?
1240
01:18:26,328 --> 01:18:28,079
Millions? What...? I'm broke.
1241
01:18:28,246 --> 01:18:30,248
Every cent I have
has been put into this room.
1242
01:18:34,794 --> 01:18:37,297
I don't know what I'm going to do.
(SOBBING)
1243
01:18:37,464 --> 01:18:40,008
Oh, cry me a river.
1244
01:18:40,175 --> 01:18:44,596
I'm going to need a little help.
I don't have a penis.
1245
01:18:44,763 --> 01:18:47,474
(LAUGHING)
1246
01:19:02,822 --> 01:19:04,366
It does not come off.
1247
01:19:04,532 --> 01:19:06,576
It does not come off. I'm sorry.
1248
01:19:09,704 --> 01:19:11,664
I'm getting tired of talking
about this... (BLEEP)
1249
01:19:11,790 --> 01:19:13,750
In the woods with this man.
1250
01:19:13,917 --> 01:19:17,462
(BLEEP) ...man, we keep going in
circles, talking about a... (BLEEP) man.
1251
01:19:17,629 --> 01:19:18,990
Let's talk about a... (BLEEP) man,
1252
01:19:19,130 --> 01:19:20,799
or getting some...
(BLEEP) getting some...
1253
01:19:20,966 --> 01:19:23,086
Talking about... (BLEEP)
these two dudes in the woods.
1254
01:19:23,134 --> 01:19:27,222
If we had a... (BLEEP) here, she could
wash our... (BLEEP) off right now.
1255
01:19:27,389 --> 01:19:29,891
You understand me?
That's the way I would say it.
1256
01:19:33,019 --> 01:19:34,771
Hey, babe, check out
this psychic's book for a clue.
1257
01:19:34,938 --> 01:19:37,691
- It really freaks me out.
- Come on, there's nothing to be...
1258
01:19:37,857 --> 01:19:39,609
Nuh!
1259
01:19:39,776 --> 01:19:42,487
These books are all...
(SCREAMS)
1260
01:19:42,654 --> 01:19:45,198
There's nothing to be scared...
(SCREAMING)
1261
01:19:50,412 --> 01:19:53,498
...to be scared... (SCREAMING)
1262
01:19:54,791 --> 01:19:56,191
Oh, there's nothing to be scared...
1263
01:19:56,293 --> 01:19:58,086
Oh, wrong animal. (BLEEP)
1264
01:19:59,462 --> 01:20:02,632
...be scared... A dinosaur? (BLEEP)
1265
01:20:06,845 --> 01:20:08,805
What does this have to do with...?
1266
01:20:08,972 --> 01:20:10,682
(LAUGHING)
1267
01:20:13,143 --> 01:20:14,185
I know. Sorry.
1268
01:20:16,021 --> 01:20:18,064
MAN: And... action!
1269
01:20:18,231 --> 01:20:21,860
What does this have to do with...?
(LAUGHTER) Sorry.
1270
01:20:25,530 --> 01:20:29,326
You just keep cupping your boobs.
OK, sorry.
1271
01:20:47,469 --> 01:20:49,471
OK, how do we know who's a witch?
1272
01:20:52,098 --> 01:20:54,225
Do they have a broom?
1273
01:20:54,392 --> 01:20:55,810
Do they have a pointy nose?
1274
01:20:55,977 --> 01:20:58,730
(ALL LAUGHING)
1275
01:21:02,192 --> 01:21:06,279
I'm... I'm going to pee my pants!
1276
01:21:13,995 --> 01:21:15,372
So, what, I didn't get the part?
1277
01:21:15,538 --> 01:21:17,415
Where's everybody going?
1278
01:27:22,113 --> 01:27:24,365
(SCORE PLAYING THROUGH HEADPHONES)
1279
01:27:27,076 --> 01:27:29,328
I just had the most bizarro dream.
1280
01:27:29,495 --> 01:27:31,664
Demons, apes, a ballet.
1281
01:27:31,831 --> 01:27:34,125
You have a very active subconscious.
1282
01:27:34,292 --> 01:27:36,502
Anyway, the idea took hold.
1283
01:27:36,669 --> 01:27:39,547
Lindsay Lohan's coming over
to spend the night with you.
1284
01:27:39,714 --> 01:27:41,549
- Awesome!
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
1285
01:27:48,681 --> 01:27:49,932
You were driving.