1 00:00:26,676 --> 00:00:30,453 Oh, no, oh, no 2 00:00:33,583 --> 00:00:39,776 Ahhh, oh, no, ahhh, oh, no 3 00:00:39,856 --> 00:00:42,946 Ahhh, oh, no 4 00:00:43,026 --> 00:00:48,478 No, she don't mess around No, she don't mess around 5 00:00:52,704 --> 00:00:55,116 100% blue agave. 6 00:00:55,674 --> 00:00:56,695 Taste it. 7 00:00:56,775 --> 00:00:58,379 Look, Mike, I like you. 8 00:00:58,543 --> 00:01:00,853 But no one's looking for another brand of tequila. 9 00:01:01,013 --> 00:01:02,287 They've got the three... What is it? 10 00:01:02,447 --> 00:01:04,324 The Cuervo, the other one, and the third one. 11 00:01:04,549 --> 00:01:06,028 And they don't need more tequila. 12 00:01:06,184 --> 00:01:09,026 - If I can't sell it, it's not gonna sell. - People want the new-new. 13 00:01:09,187 --> 00:01:10,564 - The "new-new"? - The "new-new." 14 00:01:10,722 --> 00:01:11,843 They want that new-new. 15 00:01:11,923 --> 00:01:12,945 No! 16 00:01:13,025 --> 00:01:15,528 What if I could sell this tequila to a customer? 17 00:01:15,694 --> 00:01:17,765 - Would I have your order then? - Yeah, sure. 18 00:01:17,896 --> 00:01:19,603 And I'm just gonna pick a customer at random. 19 00:01:20,932 --> 00:01:21,933 Excuse me, sir. 20 00:01:22,167 --> 00:01:24,170 Do you enjoy the taste of tequila? 21 00:01:25,171 --> 00:01:26,242 Why, yes, I do. 22 00:01:26,407 --> 00:01:29,616 But I only drink my particular brand, and you will not convince me otherwise. 23 00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:31,753 - It's a perfect candidate. - Because it's your brother! 24 00:01:32,012 --> 00:01:33,116 I know that's your brother. 25 00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:34,586 He dated my niece. 26 00:01:34,715 --> 00:01:35,750 Look, mate, I don't know your niece. 27 00:01:35,983 --> 00:01:37,758 - Okay. - But if I did... 28 00:01:37,918 --> 00:01:40,728 I'd say she was a little clingy, and she'd freak a lot of people out. 29 00:01:40,888 --> 00:01:42,663 We play Wards With Friends together, right? 30 00:01:42,823 --> 00:01:45,827 - Dave, right? - Name's Rick. Just got in from Melbourne. 31 00:01:45,993 --> 00:01:46,994 His name's Rick. 32 00:01:47,161 --> 00:01:48,367 I know he's your brother. 33 00:01:48,595 --> 00:01:50,905 Look, look, look. You guys are funny, you're weird. 34 00:01:51,065 --> 00:01:52,408 We do this every couple weeks... 35 00:01:53,834 --> 00:01:55,055 All right, I'll take 10 cases. 36 00:01:55,135 --> 00:01:56,136 - Fuck, yes! - Yes! 37 00:01:56,270 --> 00:01:57,271 Yes! I knew it! 38 00:01:57,504 --> 00:01:59,660 - We sold your ass, Randy! - I don't know if that's what happened. 39 00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:01,048 - It was the hat, right? - Was it the hat? 40 00:02:01,141 --> 00:02:02,142 I just found this over there. 41 00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:10,223 Do something crazy 42 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,455 Live like it's Mardi Gras 43 00:02:12,555 --> 00:02:14,210 And go jump, make the party start 44 00:02:14,290 --> 00:02:16,178 Don't need no R&R 45 00:02:16,258 --> 00:02:18,101 To regular life, I say Au revoir 46 00:02:18,194 --> 00:02:20,516 Yay! Living life in the fast lane 47 00:02:20,596 --> 00:02:22,132 Now your pain only be champagne 48 00:02:22,231 --> 00:02:25,769 So please come join me One thing, good vibes only 49 00:02:26,235 --> 00:02:29,808 Start the keg, I'mma fill my cup 50 00:02:29,905 --> 00:02:33,284 Got fireworks, got booze Let's blow some shit up 51 00:02:34,076 --> 00:02:35,817 Tonight I'm going stupid 52 00:02:35,911 --> 00:02:37,549 Doing things I've never done 53 00:02:38,047 --> 00:02:40,236 We all got one thing in common 54 00:02:40,316 --> 00:02:42,160 We just wanna have fun 55 00:02:45,256 --> 00:02:46,462 Do something crazy 56 00:02:47,558 --> 00:02:48,559 Okay 57 00:02:49,293 --> 00:02:50,294 Do something crazy 58 00:02:53,231 --> 00:02:54,232 Do what you wanna do 59 00:02:57,168 --> 00:02:58,169 Do something crazy 60 00:03:01,172 --> 00:03:02,173 I'm about to do 61 00:03:03,241 --> 00:03:04,242 I'm about to do 62 00:03:05,276 --> 00:03:06,277 Do something crazy 63 00:03:06,944 --> 00:03:07,945 Do something crazy 64 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,183 Do something wild 65 00:03:10,281 --> 00:03:11,817 Rolling with the homies 66 00:03:11,916 --> 00:03:13,938 Chicks by my side 67 00:03:14,018 --> 00:03:16,157 Live for the moment 68 00:03:16,254 --> 00:03:18,029 All of the time 69 00:03:18,122 --> 00:03:20,033 Turn up the music 70 00:03:20,124 --> 00:03:21,832 Only good vibes 71 00:03:22,294 --> 00:03:23,783 Sorry to throw the accent at you, bro. 72 00:03:23,863 --> 00:03:25,365 No, dude. I loved it, and it kept me in the now. 73 00:03:25,698 --> 00:03:28,474 Do you realize that that sale puts us at number three in the office? 74 00:03:28,635 --> 00:03:31,137 The Stangle bros are killing it right now! 75 00:03:31,371 --> 00:03:33,442 It's not an actual hat. They just call it a jimmy hat. 76 00:03:33,606 --> 00:03:34,778 If you wear two, they break. 77 00:03:34,941 --> 00:03:37,046 - It's an urban legend... - No, it's not. 78 00:03:38,144 --> 00:03:39,179 Mom, Dad? 79 00:03:40,013 --> 00:03:41,185 Jeanie. Eric. 80 00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:44,191 Don't freak out. I don't want you to freak out. 81 00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:45,420 Just come on in. 82 00:03:45,685 --> 00:03:47,540 Why don't we all just sit down? 83 00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:48,621 We gotta talk to you. 84 00:03:49,756 --> 00:03:51,099 We wanna discuss Jeanie and Eric's wedding. 85 00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:52,461 - Oh! Sweet. - Okay. 86 00:03:52,625 --> 00:03:55,071 Are you guys thinking DJ or band? First thought, band, right? 87 00:03:55,228 --> 00:03:56,798 No. People want to hear the real songs. 88 00:03:56,963 --> 00:03:59,239 You don't want to hear a guy singing Beyoncé. 89 00:03:59,332 --> 00:04:00,621 You just want to hear Beyoncé. 90 00:04:00,701 --> 00:04:01,689 Oh. 91 00:04:01,769 --> 00:04:03,959 Yeah, but we want to talk about... 92 00:04:04,039 --> 00:04:05,848 is you two. 93 00:04:07,309 --> 00:04:08,720 Now, over the years... 94 00:04:09,010 --> 00:04:11,923 a theme has emerged at our family gatherings. 95 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,457 Everyone's having a good time... 96 00:04:13,748 --> 00:04:15,937 - That's right. - Things are going smoothly. 97 00:04:16,017 --> 00:04:17,139 Party time. 98 00:04:17,219 --> 00:04:19,274 And then you two show up... 99 00:04:19,354 --> 00:04:20,355 stag... 100 00:04:20,655 --> 00:04:21,690 and you hit on girls... 101 00:04:21,923 --> 00:04:22,993 you act like idiots... 102 00:04:23,158 --> 00:04:24,728 and you ruin it. 103 00:04:24,893 --> 00:04:25,894 Ruin it. 104 00:04:26,061 --> 00:04:28,302 - What? We are not party ruiners! - Mm-mm. 105 00:04:28,597 --> 00:04:29,803 We're party creators! 106 00:04:30,098 --> 00:04:32,908 And besides, when have we ever ruined a family event? 107 00:04:33,201 --> 00:04:34,356 Ah! 108 00:04:34,436 --> 00:04:35,574 We thought you might say that. 109 00:04:35,737 --> 00:04:36,791 Yep, here we go. And we just stream it. 110 00:04:36,871 --> 00:04:37,859 Apple TV. 111 00:04:37,939 --> 00:04:38,975 We just need your password. 112 00:04:39,208 --> 00:04:40,619 - Bryan's baby dick 69. - Yeah. 113 00:04:40,776 --> 00:04:42,256 Bryan's baby dick 69. 114 00:04:42,579 --> 00:04:44,183 What the fuck, guys? Really? 115 00:04:44,348 --> 00:04:45,369 - Got it. Yep. - Is that it? 116 00:04:45,449 --> 00:04:46,450 Good. 117 00:04:48,085 --> 00:04:50,031 Happy Fourth of July! 118 00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:52,456 Oh, shit! 119 00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,939 It was fun up to that point. 120 00:05:06,903 --> 00:05:08,974 God damn it! My trailer! 121 00:05:17,147 --> 00:05:18,604 Oh, shit. 122 00:05:18,684 --> 00:05:20,491 Actually, this is what we're trying to avoid. 123 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,991 - The both of you are fucking idiots. - Fucking losers! 124 00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:36,169 Grandpa, wake up! Take his tie. 125 00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:39,425 Are you saying we had something to do with Grandfather's death? Hmm? 126 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,576 He died five years after that! 127 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:43,651 That is a lot of guilt to put us. Shame on you. 128 00:05:43,809 --> 00:05:46,187 Plus, this video only shows the screw-ups. 129 00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:48,618 Where's the epic tracking shots of smiling faces? 130 00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,919 And everybody looking at us, just going... 131 00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:53,120 "God, I love Mike and Dave. 132 00:05:53,285 --> 00:05:55,390 "They made this whole party worth it." 133 00:05:55,654 --> 00:05:58,135 When are the two of you going to grow up? 134 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,464 This shtick was cute for a while... 135 00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,039 but it's gotten stale. 136 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,107 Mom, come on, what are you... 137 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,472 You're talking about us like we're a couple of losers or something. 138 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:10,707 What we don't want you to do is go chasing girls and get out of control. 139 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,614 - You understand? - Wait, we can still talk to girls, right? 140 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,684 - You can each talk to one girl. - The girls that you bring to the wedding. 141 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:20,357 - What do you mean? - I want you to bring a date. 142 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:25,006 - That's two dates. - You want us to bring dates to a wedding? 143 00:06:25,086 --> 00:06:27,291 - Excuse me? - Are you allowed to do that? 144 00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:30,127 Nice, respectable, smart girls! Keep you in line. 145 00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:31,497 - What the fuck? - What? 146 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,002 - Are you insane? - Oh, you're kidding. 147 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,401 You are not screwing up this wedding. Do you hear me? 148 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:38,306 Mom, do you hear this river of horse shit coming out of Dad's mouth? 149 00:06:38,467 --> 00:06:41,506 We don't want you showing up stag and riling each other up! 150 00:06:41,671 --> 00:06:44,083 - We don't rile each other up! - We never get riled up! 151 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,379 - I don't get riled! - He doesn't and I don't, either! 152 00:06:46,676 --> 00:06:48,246 Look at you right now! You're riled! 153 00:06:48,344 --> 00:06:50,551 - Take your head out of your ass, Dad! - You sound insane right now. 154 00:06:50,646 --> 00:06:53,217 Everybody stop yelling! Okay? 155 00:06:53,383 --> 00:06:55,590 You guys bringing wedding dates was my idea. 156 00:06:57,153 --> 00:06:59,724 Look, I love the shit out of you guys. 157 00:07:00,022 --> 00:07:02,901 But everyone is already stressed out about this wedding... 158 00:07:03,192 --> 00:07:05,934 and I just need you to be cool. 159 00:07:06,829 --> 00:07:07,830 Of course, Jeanie! 160 00:07:08,064 --> 00:07:09,338 Please? 161 00:07:09,499 --> 00:07:10,534 For me? 162 00:07:10,767 --> 00:07:13,111 I promise. We would never do anything to mess up your wedding. 163 00:07:13,736 --> 00:07:14,942 Jeanie, we love you. 164 00:07:15,506 --> 00:07:16,760 We want this to be the best day of your life. 165 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:17,829 Yeah. 166 00:07:17,909 --> 00:07:18,997 You, too, Eric. 167 00:07:19,077 --> 00:07:20,283 - Oh. - Oh. Thank you. 168 00:07:20,578 --> 00:07:21,679 Mostly you, though, Jeanie. 169 00:07:22,714 --> 00:07:24,669 If you want us to bring dates, we're bringing dates. 170 00:07:24,749 --> 00:07:25,819 All right, it's settled then. 171 00:07:27,285 --> 00:07:28,662 Wedding dates! 172 00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:31,557 Dave, buddy, let me talk to you for a second, okay? Listen. 173 00:07:31,723 --> 00:07:33,794 I'm sorry to lump you in with Mike... 174 00:07:33,958 --> 00:07:35,631 but if I only told your older brother to bring a date... 175 00:07:35,794 --> 00:07:37,398 he'd get all weird about it. 176 00:07:37,629 --> 00:07:39,700 I just feel like he's holding you back. 177 00:07:39,864 --> 00:07:41,400 Dad, I don't mind being lumped in with Mike. 178 00:07:41,633 --> 00:07:42,976 Do you remember the fifth grade bake sale... 179 00:07:43,134 --> 00:07:44,169 when Mom made those cupcakes... 180 00:07:44,436 --> 00:07:45,608 and I called them moist? 181 00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:48,080 - Mm-hmm. - Everyone called me Moist... 182 00:07:48,239 --> 00:07:50,150 till Mike took a cupcake... 183 00:07:50,308 --> 00:07:52,948 and shoved it in Tom Ginty's face. 184 00:07:53,111 --> 00:07:56,423 He said, "Now you're moist, Moist." 185 00:07:57,551 --> 00:07:59,656 That's the kind of guy Mike is. 186 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,456 So, think on that... 187 00:08:02,389 --> 00:08:03,595 Dad. 188 00:08:05,892 --> 00:08:07,997 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end that on such a weird note, Dad. 189 00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:10,165 - I love you. And thanks. - Good. I don't want you to be mad. 190 00:08:10,263 --> 00:08:11,385 I'm not even mad. I'm not even upset. 191 00:08:11,465 --> 00:08:12,500 We're gonna find some dates. 192 00:08:13,633 --> 00:08:16,204 I gotta say, some nights, I am not looking my best. 193 00:08:16,470 --> 00:08:19,416 But tonight is not one of those nights! 194 00:08:19,606 --> 00:08:20,812 - Do you like my hair? - Yeah, girl. 195 00:08:20,974 --> 00:08:22,476 - You look good. - No. 196 00:08:22,642 --> 00:08:23,814 We're gonna make a lot of tips tonight. 197 00:08:24,077 --> 00:08:25,988 Good. We need it. We don't have any money. 198 00:08:26,313 --> 00:08:27,951 Uh, you got money for this ride, don't you? 199 00:08:28,448 --> 00:08:29,970 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 200 00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:31,938 - 'Cause you have money? - I thought you had money. 201 00:08:32,018 --> 00:08:34,075 - I don't have any money. - You know I don't have money. 202 00:08:34,155 --> 00:08:36,693 Yeah, y'all are whispering like people that don't got money. 203 00:08:36,859 --> 00:08:38,304 Check it out. I'mma pay you right now. 204 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,115 Boop. I Apple Paid. 205 00:08:40,195 --> 00:08:41,333 I don't even have Apple Pay. 206 00:08:41,630 --> 00:08:43,371 Yo, Siri, pay this man. 207 00:08:43,665 --> 00:08:44,653 He's already paid. 208 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:45,721 God damn it! 209 00:08:45,801 --> 00:08:48,213 I'm not gonna take shit from you, because this my cab. 210 00:08:48,370 --> 00:08:49,792 You shouldn't take shit from us. 211 00:08:49,872 --> 00:08:52,094 - You should kick us out! - You should kick us out of this cab. 212 00:08:52,174 --> 00:08:55,264 You know what? I'm gonna kick you the fuck out of this cab. 213 00:08:55,344 --> 00:08:57,566 Yeah, just go three more blocks up on the right... 214 00:08:57,646 --> 00:08:58,681 and then kick us out! 215 00:08:59,947 --> 00:09:02,184 Here we are! Get out of my cab. 216 00:09:02,351 --> 00:09:03,659 Thank you. You're a really good person. 217 00:09:03,819 --> 00:09:04,854 Okay, God bless you. 218 00:09:05,020 --> 00:09:07,500 I'm just gonna start driving for Uber. Fuck it. 219 00:09:07,956 --> 00:09:08,957 Ooh. I got a good idea. 220 00:09:09,124 --> 00:09:10,797 Let's pop off, get a couple of drinks before work. 221 00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:13,031 Just a few, because I don't want to get hammered. 222 00:09:13,196 --> 00:09:14,698 Yeah, of course not. Just a light buzz. 223 00:09:21,305 --> 00:09:24,376 Hey, hey, hey! Welcome to Sake Bombers... 224 00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:26,749 where your first Sake Bomb is on us! 225 00:09:26,911 --> 00:09:28,822 - Kaboom! - You're drunk, Alice. 226 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,668 You're doing that thing where you're whispering, 227 00:09:30,748 --> 00:09:31,886 but you're really yelling. 228 00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:33,357 Because I'm upset with you. 229 00:09:33,517 --> 00:09:34,552 Oh, what the hell? 230 00:09:34,718 --> 00:09:37,041 I don't understand why you just started yelling at me for no reason. 231 00:09:37,121 --> 00:09:39,928 - What the hell is going on here? - Your little buddy is shit-faced. 232 00:09:41,091 --> 00:09:44,870 Straight up. Her fiancé just left her at the altar. 233 00:09:45,162 --> 00:09:46,150 She's been going through a hard time. 234 00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:48,319 - Are you guys talking about me? - No, baby girl. 235 00:09:48,399 --> 00:09:49,878 You know how many times I have come in here... 236 00:09:50,034 --> 00:09:53,983 and she is drunk off her fucking ass, dancing on the tables? 237 00:09:54,105 --> 00:09:57,280 Only when Rihanna comes on, because it's my jam. 238 00:09:57,443 --> 00:09:59,184 I am a strong independent woman. 239 00:09:59,445 --> 00:10:03,018 And I will get on a table and shake my shit to RiRi. 240 00:10:03,182 --> 00:10:05,171 Because it's my right. America! 241 00:10:05,251 --> 00:10:06,252 Feminism! 242 00:10:06,419 --> 00:10:07,864 You just push your tits up and say feminism? 243 00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:09,397 Yeah. Read a Twitter. 244 00:10:09,822 --> 00:10:12,765 # 2016. Women can do shit now. 245 00:10:15,461 --> 00:10:16,906 Don't do that! 246 00:10:17,063 --> 00:10:18,565 Who put her jam on? 247 00:10:18,864 --> 00:10:20,901 Queen RiRi, forever! 248 00:10:21,067 --> 00:10:22,978 I'm really sorry that I got us fired. 249 00:10:23,235 --> 00:10:25,442 I'm just sort of surprised it didn't happen sooner... 250 00:10:25,605 --> 00:10:27,050 - but I'm still really sorry. - Hey! 251 00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:30,453 Alice, you do not apologize right now, okay? 252 00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:31,648 You didn't do one thing wrong. 253 00:10:31,878 --> 00:10:34,120 - Okay. - People need to get in line with you. 254 00:10:34,282 --> 00:10:36,319 Right. You're right. 255 00:10:36,484 --> 00:10:38,225 Alice, why are you watching your wedding video? 256 00:10:38,386 --> 00:10:40,875 And Alice... do you take Luke? 257 00:10:40,955 --> 00:10:41,976 I do. 258 00:10:42,056 --> 00:10:44,932 Because it's therapeutic. The more I watch it, the less I feel. 259 00:10:45,059 --> 00:10:46,129 And do you, Luke, take Alice? 260 00:10:46,327 --> 00:10:47,328 I do... 261 00:10:47,762 --> 00:10:48,763 not. 262 00:10:51,299 --> 00:10:52,505 Oh, man. Fuck you, Luke. 263 00:10:53,034 --> 00:10:54,308 Oh, fuck that guy. 264 00:10:54,569 --> 00:10:55,809 Fuck him right in his dick. 265 00:10:55,970 --> 00:10:57,005 No! 266 00:10:57,171 --> 00:11:00,948 Because now I'm picturing his dick getting fucked by another dick. 267 00:11:01,109 --> 00:11:02,520 And it makes me want to protect it. 268 00:11:03,845 --> 00:11:06,325 Oh, my God, girl! Damn! 269 00:11:06,481 --> 00:11:08,154 You're better than this. Come on! 270 00:11:08,316 --> 00:11:09,795 We're T and A! 271 00:11:09,951 --> 00:11:12,455 Where's the Alice who made vodka pot brownies with me... 272 00:11:12,622 --> 00:11:13,999 for the junior high science fair? 273 00:11:14,157 --> 00:11:17,296 Or gave us water balloon tits and we won that wet T-shirt contest in Mexico? 274 00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:19,599 Oh, yeah, they were so nice. 275 00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,436 I know, dude. We need that shit. 276 00:11:21,698 --> 00:11:23,268 I'm tired of living like this. 277 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,837 We need an adventure. 278 00:11:27,971 --> 00:11:30,349 We've got a great little package we're selling here, man. 279 00:11:30,507 --> 00:11:32,783 A week in a tropical paradise... 280 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,889 with two fun-loving, yet surprisingly well-read bros? 281 00:11:36,012 --> 00:11:37,000 Yeah. 282 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,835 I read most of the Goosebumps series, and so did you. 283 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:39,903 Yeah. 284 00:11:39,983 --> 00:11:40,971 Where do I sign up? 285 00:11:41,051 --> 00:11:42,238 Dude, focus. 286 00:11:42,318 --> 00:11:44,059 - Okay. - This is for Jeanie. 287 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:47,824 So to find the perfect fun, but nice girls, we're gonna have to meet a lot of them. 288 00:11:48,258 --> 00:11:49,259 The Internet! 289 00:11:49,492 --> 00:11:50,494 That's a good idea. 290 00:11:50,728 --> 00:11:52,208 Match.com, Tinder... 291 00:11:52,364 --> 00:11:53,919 Grindr, OkCupid. 292 00:11:53,999 --> 00:11:55,000 Craigslist! 293 00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:56,221 Craigslist? 294 00:11:56,301 --> 00:11:58,406 Craigslist, you think, that's where you go to meet nice girls? 295 00:11:58,503 --> 00:11:59,675 Dave? 296 00:11:59,838 --> 00:12:01,511 We met this couch on Craigslist. 297 00:12:02,374 --> 00:12:04,615 And you wuv this couch, don't you? 298 00:12:05,677 --> 00:12:07,816 I do love that couch. 299 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,250 I'm gonna unlock the swag on this bitch. 300 00:12:10,582 --> 00:12:11,570 All right. 301 00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:14,290 Here you go. Just take a little sip. Take a little nip-a-roo. 302 00:12:17,756 --> 00:12:18,757 Boom! 303 00:12:19,658 --> 00:12:20,946 Do you think anyone's even really gonna see this? 304 00:12:21,026 --> 00:12:22,027 God, I hope so. 305 00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:23,499 Like max, what do you think? 306 00:12:23,662 --> 00:12:26,336 We're gonna get, like, five or six dates out of this, or what? 307 00:12:26,498 --> 00:12:28,102 I'd be happy with that. 308 00:12:34,108 --> 00:12:35,129 Hey. 309 00:12:35,209 --> 00:12:37,655 Did you see this thing that Shelly's sending around the office? 310 00:12:37,878 --> 00:12:39,949 It's a free trip to Hawaii! 311 00:12:40,114 --> 00:12:41,669 Look what someone posted to my Facebook. 312 00:12:41,749 --> 00:12:44,059 - I gotta tweet this out. - Those guys are cute. 313 00:12:44,218 --> 00:12:45,253 Ala-hat! 314 00:12:45,419 --> 00:12:48,458 - I got the one on the right. - I like the one on the right. 315 00:12:48,622 --> 00:12:49,610 Oh, I got the one on the right. 316 00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:51,931 I like the one on the right. 317 00:12:52,059 --> 00:12:54,148 - We gotta send this to everyone. - Let's all apply! 318 00:12:54,228 --> 00:12:56,350 - I want to go to Hawaii. - I just emailed them. 319 00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:57,618 Let's just meet them, give 'em a chance. 320 00:12:57,698 --> 00:12:59,803 So, you guys want to go to a wedding? 321 00:13:01,435 --> 00:13:02,470 Uh, what are your names? 322 00:13:04,138 --> 00:13:05,139 Do you guys have names? 323 00:13:06,774 --> 00:13:09,654 Basically we were looking through Craigslist for work. 324 00:13:10,312 --> 00:13:11,467 Oh, you're both... 325 00:13:11,547 --> 00:13:12,548 Prostitutes. 326 00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:14,336 Whatever. Take us to Hawaii! 327 00:13:14,416 --> 00:13:15,417 Hawaii! 328 00:13:18,554 --> 00:13:19,842 We can't take you. 329 00:13:19,922 --> 00:13:20,910 No way. 330 00:13:20,990 --> 00:13:23,266 Did you guys say something about an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii? 331 00:13:23,492 --> 00:13:24,630 It's just for girls. 332 00:13:24,994 --> 00:13:26,769 That's not a deal breaker. 333 00:13:26,996 --> 00:13:28,100 Hi, my name is Lauralie... 334 00:13:28,264 --> 00:13:29,552 and I'm kind of new to this. 335 00:13:29,632 --> 00:13:30,619 Yeah. 336 00:13:30,699 --> 00:13:31,837 You're new to... 337 00:13:32,134 --> 00:13:33,613 Online dating. Yeah. 338 00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:36,147 I'm not really looking for a heteronormative relationship. 339 00:13:36,272 --> 00:13:38,843 - You look like a Nike swoosh. - Goddamn right, I do. 340 00:13:39,008 --> 00:13:40,009 I work at a dog shelter. 341 00:13:40,276 --> 00:13:41,653 Our sister loves dogs. 342 00:13:41,811 --> 00:13:42,965 I wanna make sure they get really good homes. 343 00:13:43,045 --> 00:13:44,046 What's a good home? 344 00:13:44,613 --> 00:13:45,853 The white homes. 345 00:13:46,015 --> 00:13:47,962 - The what homes? - The white homes. 346 00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:49,325 Like white people. 347 00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,325 Check, please. 348 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:56,695 This isn't lipstick. This is a tattoo, you dumb fuck. 349 00:13:57,695 --> 00:14:00,539 Who are you laughing at? Who? 350 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:01,970 All right, look, here's the deal. 351 00:14:02,266 --> 00:14:04,473 I went through a divorce, like, three weeks ago. I need a vacation. 352 00:14:04,769 --> 00:14:06,124 No. 353 00:14:06,204 --> 00:14:07,205 Okay, you guys sure you don't want to fuck? 354 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,306 - What? - Nothing. 355 00:14:08,439 --> 00:14:09,460 - What did you say? - Nothing. 356 00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:11,829 Sounded like you said, "Do you wanna fuck?" 357 00:14:11,909 --> 00:14:12,910 Do you wanna fuck? 358 00:14:13,044 --> 00:14:14,065 - What? - What? 359 00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:15,453 - What? - You guys... 360 00:14:15,613 --> 00:14:16,717 - Do you want me to fuck you? - No. 361 00:14:16,881 --> 00:14:18,360 - No. - I didn't say it, but... 362 00:14:18,449 --> 00:14:20,588 - I'll suck your dick right now. What? - What? 363 00:14:27,192 --> 00:14:30,534 Welcome back. I'm here with Mike and Dave Stangle... 364 00:14:30,697 --> 00:14:32,370 who posted an ad on Craigslist... 365 00:14:32,532 --> 00:14:34,273 looking for dates for their sister's wedding... 366 00:14:34,534 --> 00:14:36,571 in Oahu, Hawaii. 367 00:14:36,736 --> 00:14:37,840 Well, the ad went viral. 368 00:14:38,004 --> 00:14:39,039 Mm-hmm. 369 00:14:39,205 --> 00:14:41,583 It racked up over 6,000 responses... 370 00:14:41,741 --> 00:14:43,963 from women who actually wanted to go. 371 00:14:44,043 --> 00:14:45,044 Yeah, well, who's counting? 372 00:14:45,211 --> 00:14:46,656 You know, I guess we all are. 373 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:47,915 Is this my close-up? 374 00:14:48,081 --> 00:14:49,583 You guys, come on. Craigslist? 375 00:14:49,749 --> 00:14:52,161 Honestly, this is about finding nice girls... 376 00:14:52,318 --> 00:14:54,662 to go with us to Hawaii for our sister's wedding. 377 00:14:54,821 --> 00:14:55,993 And I just want to reiterate... 378 00:14:56,155 --> 00:14:58,635 we're footing the bill for this because we're gentlemen. 379 00:14:58,892 --> 00:15:01,581 - Free trip to Hawaii? - I'm awake! 380 00:15:01,661 --> 00:15:02,935 - Come on. Craigslist. - What's up? 381 00:15:03,096 --> 00:15:04,507 That's where you go to buy old patio furniture. 382 00:15:04,664 --> 00:15:05,905 You know what else you can find on Craigslist? 383 00:15:06,066 --> 00:15:07,101 Mm-hmm. 384 00:15:07,535 --> 00:15:08,878 - Love. - Mm-mm. 385 00:15:09,037 --> 00:15:11,210 That's right. I said it. 386 00:15:11,373 --> 00:15:13,046 - Love. - That one seems sweet. 387 00:15:13,275 --> 00:15:15,346 He has a kind soul. 388 00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:17,512 Yeah, and he's also super hot. 389 00:15:19,381 --> 00:15:21,224 Yeah, he's hot as fucking balls. 390 00:15:21,383 --> 00:15:23,795 But just to repeat, we're looking for nice girls. 391 00:15:23,952 --> 00:15:27,229 Like, girls that our mom and our sister would like. 392 00:15:27,389 --> 00:15:30,734 Okay, look, dude, we are going to Hawaii. 393 00:15:30,959 --> 00:15:32,336 Let's go on vacation. 394 00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:34,402 But it's not a vacation. It's a wedding. 395 00:15:34,696 --> 00:15:36,972 Do you really think a wedding's the best place for me? 396 00:15:37,132 --> 00:15:40,409 Since the last wedding I went to was mine... 397 00:15:40,568 --> 00:15:42,057 and it didn't turn out very well. 398 00:15:42,137 --> 00:15:43,138 I hear you, but look... 399 00:15:43,371 --> 00:15:45,818 this shit is why this shit is perfect, okay? 400 00:15:45,975 --> 00:15:48,149 Because ever since Luke left, you haven't been the same. 401 00:15:48,445 --> 00:15:50,891 You need to get over that, once and for all. 402 00:15:51,048 --> 00:15:52,152 And this our shot, man. 403 00:15:52,449 --> 00:15:54,429 That dude, he's gonna get your groove back. 404 00:15:54,651 --> 00:15:57,655 This right here is an opportunity of a lifetime... 405 00:15:57,821 --> 00:15:59,994 and you know we are entrepreneurs. 406 00:16:00,157 --> 00:16:01,158 You know what? 407 00:16:01,325 --> 00:16:03,566 Let's make these guys take us to Hawaii! 408 00:16:03,727 --> 00:16:05,400 You're right! Let's do it! 409 00:16:05,562 --> 00:16:06,550 Let's just do it! 410 00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:07,665 - Yes, bitch. - Let's fucking do it! 411 00:16:08,665 --> 00:16:09,953 We'll be right back. 412 00:16:10,033 --> 00:16:13,247 We gonna go to Hawaii! We gonna go to Hawaii! 413 00:16:14,972 --> 00:16:15,973 Whoa! Whoa! 414 00:16:16,106 --> 00:16:17,278 - Hold up! - What? 415 00:16:18,675 --> 00:16:21,952 Those boys said they wanted nice girls. We don't look like nice girls. 416 00:16:22,946 --> 00:16:24,858 Yeah, I guess I haven't showered in a while. 417 00:16:25,149 --> 00:16:26,993 Fine, well, you know what we're gonna do? 418 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,960 We're gonna look respectable as fuck. 419 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,462 Like nice girls. 420 00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:35,834 Ugh. 421 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,066 Dude, it's like that Jesus rag! 422 00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,701 Ow! It's part of me. 423 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,480 Tatiana, your underwear needs more underwears. 424 00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:45,938 Whoa! 425 00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,320 Oh, this dress is my bitch! 426 00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:54,980 Dude, we have met 37 insane women. 427 00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:57,523 We can't bring any of these girls. 428 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,720 Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum. 429 00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,832 Why would Dad forget about an old tomato? 430 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,029 No, his ultimatum. 431 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,364 - Old tom... - Ultimatum. 432 00:17:06,527 --> 00:17:07,562 Are you saying "old tomato"? 433 00:17:07,828 --> 00:17:10,451 Ultima-tomb. Like a tomb or a crypt. 434 00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:11,566 Ultimatum. 435 00:17:11,699 --> 00:17:14,942 Well, we gotta figure something out, because the wedding's coming up quick. 436 00:17:25,046 --> 00:17:26,582 Why is everything a competition with you? 437 00:17:26,814 --> 00:17:29,090 And I said that first, so actually, I won that. 438 00:17:31,886 --> 00:17:33,092 So what time are we meeting them? 439 00:17:33,254 --> 00:17:35,029 Technically, no time. 440 00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,561 Yeah, because I was thinking about emailing them... 441 00:17:38,726 --> 00:17:40,330 but then I was thinking, um... 442 00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:43,374 what kind of floozy-ass bimbo would respond to that ad? 443 00:17:43,732 --> 00:17:44,768 Um... 444 00:17:44,867 --> 00:17:45,868 Us. 445 00:17:46,035 --> 00:17:48,515 Yeah, but we're not like those idiots. You know what I'm saying? 446 00:17:48,671 --> 00:17:51,481 Because they're all like, "Oh! Pick me, pick me!" 447 00:17:51,774 --> 00:17:53,776 it's like the guys interviewing the girls. 448 00:17:53,943 --> 00:17:56,446 Like, it immediately would put us in an inferior position. 449 00:17:56,612 --> 00:17:58,614 We're gonna flip the script and Bachelorette that shit. 450 00:17:58,881 --> 00:18:01,054 - Those guys would be lucky to have us. - Right. 451 00:18:01,217 --> 00:18:03,288 - We just gotta make them think so. - Okay, right. 452 00:18:03,386 --> 00:18:05,559 But, you know, I'm really not good at lying... 453 00:18:05,655 --> 00:18:07,977 because I always try to start small and then it gets crazy... 454 00:18:08,057 --> 00:18:10,765 and I make-up stuff that couldn't possibly be true. 455 00:18:11,060 --> 00:18:13,683 Baby, you can do this. Let's practice, okay? 456 00:18:13,763 --> 00:18:14,751 Okay. 457 00:18:14,831 --> 00:18:15,901 - Um, what do you like to do? - Drink. 458 00:18:16,966 --> 00:18:18,206 Just sweet teas. 459 00:18:18,468 --> 00:18:20,448 Sweet teas and biscuits on blimps. 460 00:18:20,603 --> 00:18:22,743 All right, straight up, you don't have to do an accent. 461 00:18:22,906 --> 00:18:23,942 I was doing an accent? 462 00:18:24,109 --> 00:18:25,179 And definitely don't bring up blimps. 463 00:18:25,443 --> 00:18:26,751 Shit! They're leaving. 464 00:18:26,978 --> 00:18:28,218 If it was a competition, I won it. 465 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,551 All right, don't worry. 466 00:18:30,715 --> 00:18:31,716 It's all part of the plan. 467 00:18:31,883 --> 00:18:32,987 - Is it? - Oh, yeah. 468 00:18:33,151 --> 00:18:35,631 What does that mean? What plan? I don't know this part of the plan... 469 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:36,721 Whoa! Ahh! 470 00:18:37,222 --> 00:18:39,023 Oh, fuck! 471 00:18:40,058 --> 00:18:41,913 Tatiana! Oh! 472 00:18:41,993 --> 00:18:42,994 Holy shit. 473 00:18:43,228 --> 00:18:44,229 Babe. Are you okay? 474 00:18:44,462 --> 00:18:46,305 I'm okay. Yell, "She can't breathe!" 475 00:18:46,464 --> 00:18:47,568 She can't breathe! 476 00:18:47,732 --> 00:18:49,120 She can't breathe! Somebody help her! 477 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,201 Somebody give her CPR! 478 00:18:50,468 --> 00:18:52,004 - She can't breathe! - I know CPR! 479 00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:53,615 - Great! - I was a volunteer EMT! 480 00:18:53,838 --> 00:18:55,146 Hey, don't worry. My brother's got this, okay? 481 00:18:55,340 --> 00:18:56,876 I took a class. I know what I'm doing. 482 00:18:57,142 --> 00:18:58,143 - She has a weak heart! - Ma'am? 483 00:18:58,409 --> 00:18:59,581 - Ma'am? - She has a weak heart. 484 00:18:59,744 --> 00:19:01,884 I'm an EMT. I'm like a doctor, basically. 485 00:19:02,148 --> 00:19:04,789 I'm here to save your fucking life, okay? 486 00:19:04,951 --> 00:19:07,192 - She's my only friend! - That's her only friend, Mike! 487 00:19:07,420 --> 00:19:08,542 We got a pulse! Okay. 488 00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:09,843 Don't let her die! 489 00:19:09,923 --> 00:19:11,664 Don't you fucking let her die, Mike! 490 00:19:11,825 --> 00:19:13,862 Just shut the fuck up, Dave! You, too, shut up! 491 00:19:14,161 --> 00:19:15,765 Both of you, shut up! Okay? 492 00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:16,863 I'm gonna save her life! 493 00:19:19,966 --> 00:19:21,567 Plug the nose. 494 00:19:24,704 --> 00:19:25,705 Oh! 495 00:19:26,773 --> 00:19:28,252 Are you okay? 496 00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:30,715 I am now. 497 00:19:31,978 --> 00:19:33,480 - I saved her life! - She's okay! 498 00:19:33,647 --> 00:19:35,126 - She's okay? - I saved her life! 499 00:19:35,449 --> 00:19:37,851 Thank you! Thank you! 500 00:19:38,018 --> 00:19:40,363 - You're under arrest. - She hit my car! 501 00:19:40,521 --> 00:19:41,777 No, you guys, I'm totally fine, really. 502 00:19:41,857 --> 00:19:42,995 It happens all the time. 503 00:19:43,158 --> 00:19:45,570 That was a vicious hit. We should take you to the hospital. 504 00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,570 It's crazy. It's almost like I owe you my life. 505 00:19:48,497 --> 00:19:50,306 - Almost. - Yeah. Technically, yeah. 506 00:19:50,465 --> 00:19:52,536 - Let me help you with that ice. - I do. 507 00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:53,755 Oh, no. 508 00:19:53,835 --> 00:19:55,542 Seems like it's going pretty well with your guy. 509 00:19:55,704 --> 00:19:58,960 Dude, I'm fucking crushing it! So hard! 510 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,985 Check this out. The kids in my class are gonna love this story. 511 00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:04,749 I'm a school teacher. 512 00:20:06,648 --> 00:20:08,992 You're a school teacher? Wow. 513 00:20:09,151 --> 00:20:11,893 Oop. I think they spelt "frittata" wrong on the menu. 514 00:20:12,054 --> 00:20:13,761 I always notice words and spelling... 515 00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,595 because I'm a teacher... 516 00:20:16,358 --> 00:20:17,598 and that's what I do. 517 00:20:18,526 --> 00:20:21,899 - That's... - So, Alice, um, what do you do? 518 00:20:22,733 --> 00:20:23,871 Manage a hedge fund. 519 00:20:24,201 --> 00:20:25,339 You manage a hedge fund? 520 00:20:25,502 --> 00:20:27,607 I don't even know what a hedge fund is. 521 00:20:27,771 --> 00:20:30,274 Oh. So there's a regular fund, and then there's a hedge fund. 522 00:20:30,441 --> 00:20:32,512 And our fund... 523 00:20:33,344 --> 00:20:34,414 Uh, we hedge it. 524 00:20:34,912 --> 00:20:35,913 We hedge it hard. 525 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,081 Oh, wow. 526 00:20:37,781 --> 00:20:39,385 I get in, in the morning, and I'm like... 527 00:20:39,550 --> 00:20:42,360 "How's the hedging coming? You been hedging? You hedged much?" 528 00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:44,827 And it's like, too big to fail. 529 00:20:45,089 --> 00:20:46,966 Corporate greed, bailouts. 530 00:20:47,124 --> 00:20:49,229 In a New York minute, everything can change. 531 00:20:49,526 --> 00:20:52,405 On the floor of the NASDAQ and the U.N. 532 00:20:52,630 --> 00:20:53,768 And then, Fannie Mae. 533 00:20:54,431 --> 00:20:56,775 Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley... 534 00:20:56,934 --> 00:20:58,107 - Alice, you want some water? - Yeah. 535 00:20:58,403 --> 00:21:00,179 - That's so smart. - That is. 536 00:21:00,473 --> 00:21:02,195 "But what I do have... 537 00:21:02,275 --> 00:21:04,463 "is a particular set of skills. 538 00:21:04,543 --> 00:21:07,114 "Skills I have acquired over a very long career. 539 00:21:07,413 --> 00:21:10,257 "Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you." 540 00:21:12,051 --> 00:21:13,121 Click. That's it. 541 00:21:13,386 --> 00:21:14,473 That was amazing. 542 00:21:14,553 --> 00:21:15,998 It was like Dave was not even here... 543 00:21:16,155 --> 00:21:18,066 and I was just standing in a bar with Liam Neeson. 544 00:21:18,224 --> 00:21:19,669 Like, "Hello, Liam Neeson's over here." 545 00:21:19,959 --> 00:21:22,337 You're a professional comedian or something? 546 00:21:22,495 --> 00:21:25,305 What? No. I sell liquor with my brother. 547 00:21:25,464 --> 00:21:26,465 - Oh. - Yeah. 548 00:21:26,732 --> 00:21:28,439 - I do like to draw. - Oh, yeah? 549 00:21:28,601 --> 00:21:30,080 Yeah, I have drawings here I could show you. 550 00:21:30,903 --> 00:21:32,007 Oh, shit, not that. Sorry. 551 00:21:32,171 --> 00:21:34,310 Here. So, they're like The Avengers... 552 00:21:34,473 --> 00:21:36,180 but they're different types of alcohol. 553 00:21:36,475 --> 00:21:39,515 So, you have Tequila, and then he's got his pet worm right there. 554 00:21:39,814 --> 00:21:41,589 And his name is Lil' Mez. 555 00:21:41,916 --> 00:21:43,361 Because he'll "Mez" you up. 556 00:21:43,518 --> 00:21:45,206 The next one right there, that's Gin. 557 00:21:45,286 --> 00:21:47,442 When he flips his cap off, dawg, he's just like... 558 00:21:47,522 --> 00:21:50,469 "Yo, I'll pop you off. Guaranteed. One knock." 559 00:21:50,758 --> 00:21:53,438 Done. Next, Whiskey. 560 00:21:53,561 --> 00:21:56,300 Likes to make moonshine and kill bad guys. 561 00:21:56,464 --> 00:21:58,319 Dude, this is objectively amazing. 562 00:21:58,399 --> 00:21:59,537 Thanks. 563 00:21:59,667 --> 00:22:01,977 What's the hardest thing about being a teacher? 564 00:22:02,637 --> 00:22:03,638 I don't know. 565 00:22:05,807 --> 00:22:06,842 Oh, um... 566 00:22:06,941 --> 00:22:09,897 The hardest thing about being a teacher... 567 00:22:09,977 --> 00:22:11,081 is teaching cursive. 568 00:22:11,379 --> 00:22:12,653 That's awesome. 569 00:22:12,814 --> 00:22:14,555 - What about you? - Yeah? 570 00:22:14,716 --> 00:22:16,492 - Are you seeing anyone? - No. 571 00:22:17,186 --> 00:22:18,975 My ex is gone. Long gone. 572 00:22:19,055 --> 00:22:20,056 What do you mean? 573 00:22:20,190 --> 00:22:22,067 He died. Of cancer. 574 00:22:22,325 --> 00:22:23,360 Oh, my God. 575 00:22:23,526 --> 00:22:24,527 And AIDS. 576 00:22:24,994 --> 00:22:25,995 He died twice? 577 00:22:26,329 --> 00:22:28,673 And then he died in a plane crash, so... 578 00:22:29,232 --> 00:22:31,143 Whoo! That's a lot to take in. 579 00:22:31,301 --> 00:22:33,247 I know! 580 00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:34,805 Thank you. 581 00:22:34,971 --> 00:22:36,473 Thank you, brotha. 582 00:22:38,508 --> 00:22:39,816 Dude. 583 00:22:39,976 --> 00:22:42,752 We should take these girls to the wedding. Right? 584 00:22:42,912 --> 00:22:44,653 Mine's a sexy school teacher... 585 00:22:44,814 --> 00:22:47,158 and yours... hedges funds. 586 00:22:47,317 --> 00:22:48,694 - Just keep doing sexy eyes. - Okay. 587 00:22:48,852 --> 00:22:50,263 Keep doing sexy eyes. 588 00:22:51,054 --> 00:22:52,328 I like Alice. 589 00:22:52,489 --> 00:22:54,867 And she's smart, she's funny, she's weird. 590 00:22:55,158 --> 00:22:58,039 We invite these girls to the wedding, suddenly we're not losers. 591 00:22:58,196 --> 00:22:59,698 We're winners! 592 00:23:02,167 --> 00:23:03,202 Here they come. They're coming. 593 00:23:03,435 --> 00:23:05,176 Hey, uh, this might sound crazy... 594 00:23:05,337 --> 00:23:07,908 but our little sister is getting married in Hawaii... 595 00:23:08,206 --> 00:23:12,177 and we wanted to know if you guys wanted to come with. 596 00:23:12,377 --> 00:23:13,913 - Um... - Um... 597 00:23:14,012 --> 00:23:16,117 Can you just give us a second to... 598 00:23:16,681 --> 00:23:17,921 Of course. 599 00:23:18,083 --> 00:23:21,030 Okay, so just whisper like we're talking it over... 600 00:23:21,186 --> 00:23:22,274 like we're not sure if we wanna go or not. 601 00:23:22,354 --> 00:23:23,355 Oh, like... 602 00:23:29,127 --> 00:23:30,197 What the fuck are you doing? 603 00:23:30,362 --> 00:23:31,883 I don't understand why we're arguing! 604 00:23:31,963 --> 00:23:33,135 I thought we wanted to go. 605 00:23:33,298 --> 00:23:35,539 All right, fuck it. Let's go to Hawaii! 606 00:23:35,735 --> 00:23:38,079 - Yes! Fuck yes! - Hawaii! 607 00:23:40,774 --> 00:23:41,929 Yo, what you know about goin' out? 608 00:23:42,009 --> 00:23:44,231 Head west, red Lex TV's all up in the headrest 609 00:23:44,311 --> 00:23:46,567 Try and live it up, ride true, a bigger truck 610 00:23:46,647 --> 00:23:49,150 Peeps all glittered up Stick up can, they go what? 611 00:23:49,249 --> 00:23:51,105 Jig wit it 'cuz ship crisp, split it all 612 00:23:51,185 --> 00:23:53,358 Ho's ride, get your nut 'til I can't get it up 613 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,660 Bad, bad, bad, bad boy 614 00:23:56,757 --> 00:23:58,078 You make me feel so good 615 00:23:58,158 --> 00:23:59,159 Aloha, and welcome. 616 00:23:59,326 --> 00:24:00,327 - Hi. - Aloha. 617 00:24:00,427 --> 00:24:01,548 For real? 618 00:24:01,628 --> 00:24:03,164 Let me get you gentlemen checked in, yeah? 619 00:24:04,498 --> 00:24:07,342 Holy shit, this place is nice! 620 00:24:08,502 --> 00:24:10,607 It's gonna be more nice. 621 00:24:10,771 --> 00:24:13,012 Nice girls don't show off their ecstasy. 622 00:24:13,173 --> 00:24:14,482 One of these is a multivitamin. 623 00:24:14,642 --> 00:24:15,644 Is this shit free? 624 00:24:15,811 --> 00:24:18,519 I can smoke weed out of this, I can smoke weed out of this... 625 00:24:18,714 --> 00:24:21,854 Look at that teacher, grabbing her apple a day. 626 00:24:22,284 --> 00:24:25,128 Look at that personality from behind. 627 00:24:25,287 --> 00:24:27,233 It is, dare I say... 628 00:24:27,389 --> 00:24:28,868 - well-rounded. - Mmm-hmm. 629 00:24:28,958 --> 00:24:29,959 Look at Mike. 630 00:24:30,125 --> 00:24:32,298 He looks like a funhouse mirror version of a better looking dude... 631 00:24:33,329 --> 00:24:34,603 but he is just that dude. 632 00:24:35,798 --> 00:24:37,935 Dave, it is so on this weekend. 633 00:24:38,300 --> 00:24:40,378 I am not touching this guy the whole weekend. 634 00:24:40,536 --> 00:24:42,825 He thinks just because he brought me here I'm gonna sleep with him? 635 00:24:42,905 --> 00:24:43,906 Check it out. 636 00:24:44,006 --> 00:24:46,162 If this was Mike's dick, I'd be like... 637 00:24:46,242 --> 00:24:48,051 Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... 638 00:24:48,143 --> 00:24:49,645 I'd get close, but I'd never touch it. 639 00:24:50,379 --> 00:24:52,655 They have such beautiful flowers here. 640 00:24:52,816 --> 00:24:55,206 She's throwing out serious vibes right now. 641 00:24:55,286 --> 00:24:56,441 I'm like, I'm hungry. 642 00:24:56,521 --> 00:24:57,727 I'm gonna butter them biscuits. 643 00:24:57,989 --> 00:24:59,662 I'm gonna baste them ham hocks. 644 00:24:59,824 --> 00:25:01,235 I'm gonna be like a sex chef. 645 00:25:01,492 --> 00:25:03,335 Mr. Grey will see you now. 646 00:25:03,694 --> 00:25:04,866 I'm gonna touch Dave. 647 00:25:05,029 --> 00:25:06,406 Every time he says something sweet... 648 00:25:06,564 --> 00:25:09,602 I wanna get some rope and chain in bulk from Home Depot... 649 00:25:09,767 --> 00:25:11,678 and just see where it takes us, you know? 650 00:25:11,836 --> 00:25:13,611 That is messed up. 651 00:25:14,171 --> 00:25:16,014 Ladies, your wedding itineraries. 652 00:25:16,173 --> 00:25:17,628 # DoingItForJeanie. 653 00:25:17,708 --> 00:25:19,585 Today, we have the meet and greet by the pool. 654 00:25:19,710 --> 00:25:21,699 And then after that, we have a dolphin excursion. 655 00:25:21,779 --> 00:25:23,267 Friday is the rehearsal dinner. 656 00:25:23,347 --> 00:25:24,435 Mmm-hmm. 657 00:25:24,515 --> 00:25:27,037 That's where Dave and I are gonna be doing our big speech. 658 00:25:27,117 --> 00:25:28,754 Will there be any downtime? 659 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,593 Yeah, 'cause I gotta keep in touch with the office. 660 00:25:30,755 --> 00:25:32,945 I gotta call my stocks about the state of my bonds. 661 00:25:33,025 --> 00:25:34,027 It happens a lot. 662 00:25:34,294 --> 00:25:36,740 Mm-kay, I think we are right up here. 663 00:25:37,463 --> 00:25:40,239 Great. So which one is me and Alice's room? 664 00:25:41,734 --> 00:25:42,856 Uh... 665 00:25:42,936 --> 00:25:46,281 I don't know. Are you and Alice gonna share a room? 666 00:25:46,439 --> 00:25:48,728 Or I was thinking that maybe you and I... 667 00:25:48,808 --> 00:25:50,549 would stay in the same room. 668 00:25:52,445 --> 00:25:55,551 That sounds interesting... 669 00:25:55,715 --> 00:25:57,717 but I don't think it would be a good idea. 670 00:25:59,052 --> 00:26:00,053 Why not? 671 00:26:02,622 --> 00:26:05,125 Because I don't trust myself around you. 672 00:26:05,792 --> 00:26:07,066 You can trust me. 673 00:26:07,226 --> 00:26:09,467 I do trust you. 674 00:26:10,263 --> 00:26:11,572 Let's trust each other. 675 00:26:11,732 --> 00:26:14,805 There's so much trust. 676 00:26:15,036 --> 00:26:17,346 Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. 677 00:26:17,439 --> 00:26:19,594 I respect you so much, I can't wait to get you alone. 678 00:26:19,674 --> 00:26:21,930 Yeah, we're gonna cover all the room charges and stuff... 679 00:26:22,010 --> 00:26:23,498 for up to $50 per day. 680 00:26:23,578 --> 00:26:24,682 Oh, my God. You don't have to do that. 681 00:26:24,846 --> 00:26:26,951 I'm a very strict teacher. 682 00:26:27,148 --> 00:26:30,925 You be Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds, and I'll be... 683 00:26:31,086 --> 00:26:32,360 I'll be Coolio. 684 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,466 - Coolio's not in that movie. - Oh. 685 00:26:35,857 --> 00:26:38,667 He is in song and spirit. 686 00:26:38,893 --> 00:26:41,567 I'm gonna call a parent-teacher conference... 687 00:26:41,663 --> 00:26:44,439 and tell them what a bad boy you are. 688 00:26:44,599 --> 00:26:45,873 Please don't tell my mommy. 689 00:26:46,134 --> 00:26:47,455 Please don't tell my daddy. 690 00:26:47,535 --> 00:26:49,524 I think Wi-Fi is included, too, so... 691 00:26:49,604 --> 00:26:50,811 - That's always nice. Yeah. - Yeah. 692 00:26:51,073 --> 00:26:55,065 If I were to give you a grade, I'd give you a D. 693 00:26:55,145 --> 00:26:56,351 A big, hard D. 694 00:26:56,580 --> 00:26:57,888 Why? I deserve an A. 695 00:26:57,981 --> 00:26:59,483 - What are you talking about? - Oh. 696 00:26:59,650 --> 00:27:00,685 Nothing. 697 00:27:00,851 --> 00:27:02,194 In conclusion... 698 00:27:02,352 --> 00:27:04,730 I'm gonna stay in the room... 699 00:27:04,888 --> 00:27:05,958 with Alice. 700 00:27:07,057 --> 00:27:09,059 That one, with Alice. 701 00:27:09,226 --> 00:27:10,569 Cool, cool. No doubt. 702 00:27:13,063 --> 00:27:16,135 Somebody overcooked the soft pretzel. 703 00:27:17,367 --> 00:27:19,590 My dick is hard. That's what I'm saying. Give me five minutes. 704 00:27:19,670 --> 00:27:22,207 Oh, my God. Ew! 705 00:27:22,739 --> 00:27:24,412 Lift it, drop it, shake it 706 00:27:24,508 --> 00:27:27,148 It's going down for real 707 00:27:31,250 --> 00:27:33,560 It's going down for real 708 00:27:35,087 --> 00:27:36,498 Grandma, I'd like you to meet Alice. 709 00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:39,345 She's super smart, great conversationalist, and she works on Wall Street. 710 00:27:39,425 --> 00:27:42,337 - But I'm one of the good ones. - I think she is. 711 00:27:45,064 --> 00:27:46,270 I am a teacher, yeah. 712 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,206 And you know what? The key to teaching children is repetition. 713 00:27:49,368 --> 00:27:51,279 You'd be surprised how stupid they are. 714 00:28:01,113 --> 00:28:02,114 Jeanie! 715 00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,458 - Hey, you! - Hi! Hi! 716 00:28:06,952 --> 00:28:09,456 I'm so proud to introduce our wedding dates... 717 00:28:09,622 --> 00:28:11,261 - Tatiana. - And Alice. 718 00:28:12,593 --> 00:28:13,799 Hi! 719 00:28:14,762 --> 00:28:16,867 - Oh, the bride. The gorgeous bride. - Ow! Hi. 720 00:28:17,064 --> 00:28:20,739 This weekend is all about you being happy and not shattered. 721 00:28:20,868 --> 00:28:23,024 - Oh. Thank you. - Yeah. 722 00:28:23,104 --> 00:28:25,277 Check out your arms. You got some Michelle Obama arms. 723 00:28:26,073 --> 00:28:27,982 How'd you get those guns on the plane, girl? 724 00:28:29,143 --> 00:28:32,318 Eric... you are two points hotter just being next to this woman. 725 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,035 Try 10 points hotter. 726 00:28:34,115 --> 00:28:36,203 - Try a million. - That's too many points. 727 00:28:36,283 --> 00:28:38,406 - Wow, and Jeanie, nice snag. - Thank you. 728 00:28:38,486 --> 00:28:39,988 You guys look great together, really. 729 00:28:40,187 --> 00:28:43,564 I'm liking this. Huh? Maybe you two will keep these two in check a little bit. 730 00:28:44,224 --> 00:28:46,967 I think we can. I'll just keep him on a leash. 731 00:28:47,128 --> 00:28:48,884 Maybe don't hurt him. 732 00:28:48,964 --> 00:28:50,444 I like these girls. 733 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:51,670 They're so fun. 734 00:28:51,834 --> 00:28:53,939 Unlike my maid of honor. 735 00:28:54,137 --> 00:28:55,207 She's having a time. 736 00:28:55,338 --> 00:28:56,442 How is ol' Becky Grammerstein? 737 00:28:56,639 --> 00:28:57,640 She's coming. 738 00:28:57,774 --> 00:28:59,082 - Jeanie. - Hey. 739 00:28:59,242 --> 00:29:00,619 I'm in crisis mode. 740 00:29:00,777 --> 00:29:02,415 I ordered Prosecco for the Mani-pedis... 741 00:29:02,578 --> 00:29:03,682 and all they have is champagne! 742 00:29:03,846 --> 00:29:04,847 Aren't they the same thing? 743 00:29:05,081 --> 00:29:07,493 - No. No, they're not. No. - No? 744 00:29:08,117 --> 00:29:09,790 Hello, Michael. 745 00:29:09,952 --> 00:29:10,953 Hi, Dave. 746 00:29:11,420 --> 00:29:14,924 Look, I'm trying to make your dreams come true, okay? 747 00:29:15,124 --> 00:29:16,159 - Right. - What? 748 00:29:16,292 --> 00:29:18,114 If this is bad news, I'm gonna eat your ass. 749 00:29:18,194 --> 00:29:19,248 - Sorry. - Okay. 750 00:29:19,328 --> 00:29:21,274 Purple. It better be purple. 751 00:29:21,697 --> 00:29:23,677 I should probably go see to that. 752 00:29:23,833 --> 00:29:24,834 - You'll come? - Yeah. 753 00:29:25,001 --> 00:29:26,275 Thank you so much for being here. 754 00:29:26,435 --> 00:29:29,384 Guys, good job with these two. 755 00:29:29,541 --> 00:29:31,020 Mahala. 756 00:29:31,209 --> 00:29:32,449 Bye, Jeanie. 757 00:29:32,610 --> 00:29:33,611 Jeanie likes the girls. 758 00:29:33,778 --> 00:29:34,984 Jeanie likes the girls 759 00:29:35,180 --> 00:29:36,682 Talk about Jeanie Jeanie likes the girls 760 00:29:36,815 --> 00:29:38,603 Because it's a" about Jeanie likes the girls 761 00:29:38,683 --> 00:29:40,788 - Oil, yeah, Jeanie likes the girls - Come on! 762 00:29:40,885 --> 00:29:42,340 - It's a" about Jeanie - Likes the girls 763 00:29:42,420 --> 00:29:45,243 - it's all about Jeanie likes the girls! - Mike. Where are the girls? 764 00:29:45,323 --> 00:29:46,529 - Oh, hello! - I'm Alice. 765 00:29:46,758 --> 00:29:47,879 I just I wanna give you a hug. 766 00:29:47,959 --> 00:29:49,404 It's so nice to meet you. 767 00:29:49,561 --> 00:29:50,835 Fucking A. You distracted me, man. 768 00:29:51,029 --> 00:29:53,031 This dress is lucky to be on you. Those pins! 769 00:29:53,164 --> 00:29:54,234 - My Mike? - Yes. 770 00:29:54,399 --> 00:29:55,571 - I can't... Wow. - He did. 771 00:29:55,733 --> 00:29:57,406 That's fantastic. 772 00:29:57,635 --> 00:29:59,273 Mike, Tatiana was just telling me... 773 00:29:59,370 --> 00:30:00,815 that you saved her life. 774 00:30:00,972 --> 00:30:02,246 I most certainly did, Father. 775 00:30:02,473 --> 00:30:05,196 You see how great it is to have nice girls around? 776 00:30:05,276 --> 00:30:06,532 - I mean, these are nice girls. - Aw! 777 00:30:06,612 --> 00:30:07,751 Absolutely. 778 00:30:07,881 --> 00:30:09,002 They are. And we brought them, so... 779 00:30:09,082 --> 00:30:10,356 Excuse me. 780 00:30:10,550 --> 00:30:11,538 Excuse me. 781 00:30:11,618 --> 00:30:12,606 See you in a minute. Honey, come on. 782 00:30:12,686 --> 00:30:14,841 Can I get everybody's attention? Could we gather around? 783 00:30:14,921 --> 00:30:16,298 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God! 784 00:30:16,423 --> 00:30:18,198 We're killing this shit! We're killing. 785 00:30:18,358 --> 00:30:19,513 Mom and Dad like the girls! 786 00:30:19,593 --> 00:30:20,680 Ow. 787 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,171 Mom and Dad like the girls 788 00:30:22,329 --> 00:30:26,835 Hi, I'm Keith. I'm Eric's best man, his cousin... 789 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,002 and his best friend. 790 00:30:29,236 --> 00:30:31,681 Welcome to the meet and greet! 791 00:30:32,072 --> 00:30:33,380 Yeah! 792 00:30:33,607 --> 00:30:34,711 Put your hands together... 793 00:30:34,875 --> 00:30:37,998 for Eric and his lovely bride, Jeanie. 794 00:30:38,078 --> 00:30:39,751 Give it up! 795 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,052 Jeanie! 796 00:30:41,214 --> 00:30:44,684 Hey, everybody. A big thank you to my new family, the Stangles. 797 00:30:44,885 --> 00:30:45,940 We love you, Eric! 798 00:30:46,020 --> 00:30:47,042 Thank you. 799 00:30:47,122 --> 00:30:49,261 And to my own family, I must say... 800 00:30:50,259 --> 00:30:51,932 Portland, Oregon in the house! 801 00:30:53,395 --> 00:30:56,376 I'm really happy to finally make you all my ohana... 802 00:30:56,531 --> 00:30:57,908 which means "family." 803 00:30:58,066 --> 00:31:00,103 And as the Hawaiians say... 804 00:31:00,269 --> 00:31:01,475 Kale maluna! 805 00:31:01,637 --> 00:31:04,709 Which translates loosely into "bottoms up." 806 00:31:04,873 --> 00:31:07,581 But more closely translated, it actually means... 807 00:31:07,809 --> 00:31:10,199 "your butts to the sky"... 808 00:31:10,279 --> 00:31:11,883 which is inappropriate. 809 00:31:13,215 --> 00:31:14,751 This is gonna be magic. 810 00:31:15,384 --> 00:31:18,627 Thank you all again, so much, for being here. 811 00:31:18,787 --> 00:31:22,462 We are so happy to have you at our wedding. 812 00:31:22,991 --> 00:31:26,770 Wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 813 00:31:27,331 --> 00:31:28,969 - Put the mic on the stand. - The stand. 814 00:31:30,301 --> 00:31:32,423 - Alice. - Where are you going? 815 00:31:32,503 --> 00:31:33,490 Hi! What happened? 816 00:31:33,570 --> 00:31:35,641 You sort of zoned out for a sec. What's up? You okay? 817 00:31:35,806 --> 00:31:38,184 Yeah! We're at a wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 818 00:31:38,575 --> 00:31:40,097 You just said "wedding" three times. 819 00:31:40,177 --> 00:31:41,265 I'm fine. Yeah! 820 00:31:41,345 --> 00:31:43,120 Let's just forget about the past, and move on. 821 00:31:43,414 --> 00:31:45,018 To the bar! 822 00:31:45,115 --> 00:31:46,389 To the bar? 823 00:31:47,351 --> 00:31:48,352 Mmm. Mmm. 824 00:31:50,821 --> 00:31:52,266 Ooh. I don't think these are shots. 825 00:31:52,423 --> 00:31:53,993 I mean, we're drinking 'em like they're shots... 826 00:31:54,091 --> 00:31:56,332 but I don't think they're supposed to be drunk like that. 827 00:31:56,493 --> 00:31:58,439 Your face is funny. 828 00:32:15,281 --> 00:32:18,838 Oh. Hey, Mike. I was just talking to my new friend, Tatiana. 829 00:32:18,918 --> 00:32:22,493 - Tatiana, this is my cousin, Mike. - She knows who I am. She's my date. 830 00:32:22,688 --> 00:32:25,396 Why would someone this attractive ever be with you? 831 00:32:25,691 --> 00:32:27,998 Are you gonna hit on my date all weekend, like bisexual Fonzie? 832 00:32:28,127 --> 00:32:30,038 I don't think it's gonna take all weekend. Am I right? 833 00:32:30,496 --> 00:32:31,736 So, you guys are cousins? 834 00:32:31,897 --> 00:32:33,638 She's been jealous of me since I was a little kid. 835 00:32:33,833 --> 00:32:35,244 What could I possibly be jealous of? 836 00:32:35,368 --> 00:32:37,644 Your outfit looks like Jimmy Buffet's dust ruffle. 837 00:32:37,903 --> 00:32:40,076 Do you guys always do this? 838 00:32:40,306 --> 00:32:42,013 Okay, this is actually a very fashion-forward outfit. 839 00:32:42,174 --> 00:32:44,656 No, you look like the wallpaper from a Long John Silver's bathroom. 840 00:32:44,846 --> 00:32:46,416 Cool. I'm gonna hit the buffet now... 841 00:32:46,581 --> 00:32:50,222 while you guys do whatever it is you're doing. 842 00:32:52,153 --> 00:32:53,308 Okay? 843 00:32:53,388 --> 00:32:54,389 Good idea. 844 00:32:55,723 --> 00:32:56,861 Look at that. 845 00:32:57,025 --> 00:32:59,047 Pink little ass just bouncing away, saying... 846 00:32:59,127 --> 00:33:02,650 Terry, come get me, Terry, come get me 847 00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:03,818 No, it's saying... 848 00:33:03,898 --> 00:33:07,903 Mike, crawl up in this Mike, crawl up in this 849 00:33:08,069 --> 00:33:09,844 Whoa. What's up, double trouble? 850 00:33:10,038 --> 00:33:11,259 Terry. Cousin of the bride. 851 00:33:11,339 --> 00:33:12,579 Get at me later, we'll make a Terry sandwich. 852 00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,219 Don't touch her. She has chlamydia. 853 00:33:14,375 --> 00:33:15,513 - Everybody does. - No. 854 00:33:15,943 --> 00:33:16,944 Not everyone does. 855 00:33:17,612 --> 00:33:20,034 Saw you and Dave are doing your speech together at the rehearsal dinner. 856 00:33:20,114 --> 00:33:21,102 Mmm-hmm. 857 00:33:21,182 --> 00:33:23,721 I'm going to bring the house down with my speech. 858 00:33:23,987 --> 00:33:25,728 And why do you think you're such a hotshot? 859 00:33:25,855 --> 00:33:27,027 You know Chris Rock? 860 00:33:27,791 --> 00:33:29,793 He's my neighbor. Practiced my speech on him. 861 00:33:30,260 --> 00:33:32,399 And he gave me seven killer jokes. 862 00:33:33,730 --> 00:33:36,074 Suck on that, cousin. 863 00:33:36,699 --> 00:33:37,721 Terry out. 864 00:33:37,801 --> 00:33:40,611 Chris Rock? Fuck! That sounds awesome. 865 00:33:52,615 --> 00:33:55,619 Oh, my God. You were right. These cheeseburgers are amazing. 866 00:33:55,785 --> 00:33:56,923 I know. 867 00:33:57,087 --> 00:33:58,930 Being a good girl is hard. 868 00:33:59,089 --> 00:34:01,001 I know. It sucks. 869 00:34:01,992 --> 00:34:04,974 You were hitting that booze too hard for a nice girl. 870 00:34:05,163 --> 00:34:06,540 You need to get Luke out of your head. 871 00:34:06,665 --> 00:34:08,440 - Yeah. - You do. 872 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,012 And what better way to do that... 873 00:34:11,269 --> 00:34:13,943 than good old-fashioned dick flicks. 874 00:34:14,106 --> 00:34:16,245 - Yes. - Oh, God. 875 00:34:18,510 --> 00:34:21,684 Tatiana. Mike Stangle. 876 00:34:21,847 --> 00:34:23,849 From the meet and greet. Well, from before that. 877 00:34:24,015 --> 00:34:25,494 One second. 878 00:34:25,584 --> 00:34:26,585 Fuck. 879 00:34:27,819 --> 00:34:29,992 Hey. It's you. 880 00:34:30,155 --> 00:34:31,259 It is me. 881 00:34:31,423 --> 00:34:36,771 I was hoping maybe I could come in and we could watch a movie or... 882 00:34:37,996 --> 00:34:41,236 - Do whatever you wanna do. - Why are you whispering? 883 00:34:41,367 --> 00:34:43,507 'Cause that's what we were doing before. 884 00:34:43,670 --> 00:34:44,705 They've got Cockbusters. 885 00:34:44,938 --> 00:34:46,849 Is that supposed to be like Ghostbusters? 886 00:34:46,940 --> 00:34:48,886 Why would you wanna get rid of the cocks? 887 00:34:49,109 --> 00:34:50,850 - What's that? - She's talking in her sleep. 888 00:34:51,011 --> 00:34:53,855 She says the craziest stuff in her sleep. 889 00:34:53,947 --> 00:34:56,103 It looks like his dick is gonna pop. It's so veiny and hard. 890 00:34:56,183 --> 00:34:57,184 - Tatiana! - Something's hard? 891 00:34:57,351 --> 00:35:00,188 Julio. My student. I'm doing a Skype class session with him... 892 00:35:00,354 --> 00:35:02,459 and he's having a really hard time in the schoolyard. 893 00:35:02,589 --> 00:35:04,078 If you don't get in here, I'm gonna start masturbating! 894 00:35:04,158 --> 00:35:05,660 Oh, phooey. I've gotta go. 895 00:35:05,826 --> 00:35:07,381 That sounds like you guys are, watching porno, or... 896 00:35:07,461 --> 00:35:08,449 - No. - Tatiana! 897 00:35:08,529 --> 00:35:09,530 Does it smell like weed in here? 898 00:35:09,630 --> 00:35:11,507 - You guys smoking weed? - No. It was a skunk. 899 00:35:11,665 --> 00:35:14,168 I've gotta go, because a bunch of kids are waiting to hear... 900 00:35:14,334 --> 00:35:16,041 if they've failed second grade or not. 901 00:35:16,203 --> 00:35:19,241 Well, I am doing some grading myself, and girl... 902 00:35:19,407 --> 00:35:21,864 you are getting an A plus. 903 00:35:21,944 --> 00:35:22,945 Thank you so much. 904 00:35:23,579 --> 00:35:24,580 Mmm. 905 00:35:56,445 --> 00:35:58,602 - And then win! - Skills. Def skills. 906 00:35:58,682 --> 00:36:00,185 Cheers to Tatiana and Alice. 907 00:36:00,351 --> 00:36:02,089 We're so glad you're here. 908 00:36:02,853 --> 00:36:03,923 Yes. Cheers. 909 00:36:04,088 --> 00:36:06,193 You guys, Alice and I found this really cool thing. 910 00:36:06,357 --> 00:36:08,064 Jurassic Park ATV Tours! 911 00:36:09,126 --> 00:36:11,299 You ride ATVs where they shot Jurassic Park. 912 00:36:11,529 --> 00:36:15,705 Actually, we are about to go swimming with the dolphins. 913 00:36:16,234 --> 00:36:18,043 It's on the itinerary, so... 914 00:36:18,269 --> 00:36:20,146 But, guys, Jurassic P! 915 00:36:20,238 --> 00:36:21,649 I love this movie! 916 00:36:21,806 --> 00:36:24,309 Oh, my gosh, on ATVs, this would be so sick. 917 00:36:24,475 --> 00:36:25,715 "Welcome... 918 00:36:25,876 --> 00:36:28,618 "...to Jurassic Park." 919 00:36:28,713 --> 00:36:29,817 "That is a big pile of shit." 920 00:36:29,981 --> 00:36:32,489 "Oh, you're not so scary, little guy." 921 00:36:38,423 --> 00:36:39,732 What is going on here? 922 00:36:41,227 --> 00:36:42,415 Oh! Oh! 923 00:36:42,495 --> 00:36:45,635 I wish we could do that... 924 00:36:45,798 --> 00:36:47,641 but we have a date with the dolphins... 925 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,143 at the bottom of the ocean, so... 926 00:36:49,302 --> 00:36:51,748 Don't you think we should do what Jeanie wants to do? 927 00:36:51,904 --> 00:36:53,440 I mean, it is her wedding after all. 928 00:36:53,606 --> 00:36:54,812 Right, Mike? 929 00:37:24,105 --> 00:37:26,051 I'm so happy we're here! 930 00:37:26,207 --> 00:37:28,653 This is where the dinos ran in the prairie! 931 00:37:28,810 --> 00:37:29,811 I know, girl! 932 00:37:29,978 --> 00:37:32,151 Check it out! I'm a brontosaurus! 933 00:37:32,314 --> 00:37:35,351 I'm a T-Rex. I'm coming to get you! 934 00:37:35,984 --> 00:37:38,362 Guys, butts on seats, okay? No hot dogging! 935 00:37:44,059 --> 00:37:45,538 "They're flocking this way!" 936 00:37:46,928 --> 00:37:48,430 Here's a T-Rex! 937 00:37:48,730 --> 00:37:50,505 "Life finds a way." 938 00:37:59,810 --> 00:38:01,812 Jeanie! Eric! 939 00:38:01,912 --> 00:38:03,391 Hey! 940 00:38:03,513 --> 00:38:06,426 Hi! Sorry, I lost Eric. 941 00:38:06,583 --> 00:38:09,689 I wasn't lost. Just driving at a reasonable pace. 942 00:38:09,953 --> 00:38:11,193 Stay there. We'll come to you. 943 00:38:11,688 --> 00:38:14,669 All right, we better go around. This ledge looks super dangerous. 944 00:38:14,825 --> 00:38:17,032 Oh, yeah, Mike's right. It does look dangerous. 945 00:38:17,594 --> 00:38:20,200 It's a good thing my middle name is "dangerous!" 946 00:38:20,364 --> 00:38:21,351 Yeah, it is! 947 00:38:21,431 --> 00:38:23,342 - Whoo! - Whoa! 948 00:38:27,738 --> 00:38:29,217 - Oh, God! - What? 949 00:38:31,842 --> 00:38:33,480 Oh, my God, she's Superman! 950 00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:39,522 Oh, my God! 951 00:38:39,618 --> 00:38:40,892 A-Money! 952 00:38:46,425 --> 00:38:47,870 I still think we should go around. 953 00:38:47,993 --> 00:38:50,269 She just got some serious air, bro! 954 00:38:50,362 --> 00:38:53,138 You call that serious air? Check this fucking shit out. 955 00:38:53,232 --> 00:38:54,370 Whoa! 956 00:38:54,466 --> 00:38:56,322 Suck my clit, fuckers! 957 00:38:56,402 --> 00:38:57,403 Whoa! 958 00:39:00,205 --> 00:39:01,193 Whoa! 959 00:39:01,273 --> 00:39:02,308 Oh, not again. 960 00:39:03,308 --> 00:39:04,296 Yeah, baby! 961 00:39:04,376 --> 00:39:06,549 Easy does it. Nothing fancy. 962 00:39:12,418 --> 00:39:14,558 - Oh, my God. Look at what she's doing! - I see it! 963 00:39:14,754 --> 00:39:16,857 Sweet candied nuts. 964 00:39:21,896 --> 00:39:23,432 Who are these girls? 965 00:39:25,499 --> 00:39:26,500 Whoa! 966 00:39:26,667 --> 00:39:28,340 Um... 967 00:39:28,436 --> 00:39:31,007 Where did you guys learn to do that? 968 00:39:31,172 --> 00:39:32,927 - We lived in Baja. - Oh. 969 00:39:33,007 --> 00:39:34,680 Tore up a lot of trail down there. 970 00:39:34,942 --> 00:39:36,182 Made a lot of friends. 971 00:39:36,844 --> 00:39:38,346 Made even more enemies. 972 00:39:38,512 --> 00:39:39,684 God, I miss Baja. 973 00:39:42,950 --> 00:39:44,691 Your turn, Mike! Don't be a pussy! 974 00:39:45,419 --> 00:39:48,628 I'm not gonna do it. Name calling doesn't work on me, so... 975 00:39:48,789 --> 00:39:51,531 Mike, it'll turn me on if you take that jump. 976 00:39:51,692 --> 00:39:53,468 Turn me on if you don't. 977 00:39:53,628 --> 00:39:55,631 Still not going to, still. 978 00:39:55,798 --> 00:39:56,799 I'm not gonna do it. 979 00:39:56,966 --> 00:39:58,104 Like we would ever do that. 980 00:39:58,301 --> 00:40:00,022 No way. 981 00:40:00,102 --> 00:40:02,544 Come on! Do it. He's not gonna do it. Do it! 982 00:40:02,705 --> 00:40:04,184 Do not do it. 983 00:40:04,340 --> 00:40:05,978 No, definitely don't do that. 984 00:40:06,209 --> 00:40:08,086 It's a bad idea. It's a stupid, dumb idea. 985 00:40:08,177 --> 00:40:10,316 - And it's dangerous, and it's foolish. - Yes, it is. 986 00:40:10,847 --> 00:40:12,053 I'm gonna do it! 987 00:40:13,716 --> 00:40:15,451 Mike! 988 00:40:16,786 --> 00:40:17,890 - Oh, shit! - Oh. 989 00:40:18,387 --> 00:40:19,559 Oh! 990 00:40:19,689 --> 00:40:21,661 I'm never gonna die! 991 00:40:24,026 --> 00:40:25,748 - Oh, shit. - He going fast. 992 00:40:25,828 --> 00:40:27,466 Oh, no. Keep it straight! 993 00:40:31,434 --> 00:40:32,469 Oh, he's shanking it. 994 00:40:35,673 --> 00:40:37,050 Whoo! Got it, got it! 995 00:40:42,247 --> 00:40:43,555 Oh, no, God! 996 00:40:43,681 --> 00:40:44,716 Jeanie, move! 997 00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:49,062 No! 998 00:40:49,220 --> 00:40:50,255 No! 999 00:40:50,522 --> 00:40:52,024 No! 1000 00:40:52,156 --> 00:40:53,430 No! 1001 00:41:14,881 --> 00:41:17,191 It's gonna be fine. 1002 00:41:17,651 --> 00:41:19,706 Your face is making me think it's gonna be bad. 1003 00:41:19,786 --> 00:41:21,675 I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. 1004 00:41:21,755 --> 00:41:22,776 - You know? - No. Yeah. 1005 00:41:22,856 --> 00:41:23,994 Just show us what we're working with, 1006 00:41:24,124 --> 00:41:25,145 and it'll be fine. 1007 00:41:25,225 --> 00:41:26,226 - Okay. - Okay? 1008 00:41:26,793 --> 00:41:27,881 Is it okay? 1009 00:41:27,961 --> 00:41:29,497 - Oh, my God! - Oh! God! Oh! 1010 00:41:29,829 --> 00:41:32,275 Wow! Don't you look good? 1011 00:41:34,100 --> 00:41:35,943 - Your face! - Shut up, Mike! 1012 00:41:36,069 --> 00:41:37,878 You shut up, Becky! Have you seen her face? 1013 00:41:38,038 --> 00:41:39,881 Oh, God! What? 1014 00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:42,316 It looks like you were making meth, and the bathtub exploded. 1015 00:41:43,543 --> 00:41:44,886 You look like Burn Victim Barbie. 1016 00:41:45,278 --> 00:41:46,586 Hush it up! 1017 00:41:46,746 --> 00:41:47,901 And you're Black Ken. 1018 00:41:47,981 --> 00:41:49,927 - Stop! - Okay. 1019 00:41:50,083 --> 00:41:52,139 It's like an exaggerated smoky eye. 1020 00:41:52,220 --> 00:41:54,222 Dave, be honest. Is it bad? 1021 00:41:54,990 --> 00:41:57,163 This side, there's a little... 1022 00:41:57,259 --> 00:41:59,381 - There's a little discoloration there. - Little discoloration. 1023 00:41:59,461 --> 00:42:00,599 Which side is it? 1024 00:42:00,829 --> 00:42:01,984 You could do a dance the whole night 1025 00:42:02,064 --> 00:42:03,600 where you just hold a hand over your face. 1026 00:42:03,732 --> 00:42:04,733 - Oh, that's smart. - Okay. 1027 00:42:04,900 --> 00:42:05,901 It's like a new thing. 1028 00:42:06,068 --> 00:42:09,774 - Do the Jeanie, do the Jeanie - Like this? 1029 00:42:10,005 --> 00:42:11,814 - Come on, everybody! Do the Jeanie. - Do it. 1030 00:42:12,007 --> 00:42:13,384 - I'm doing the Jeanie. - Do the Jeanie, y'all. 1031 00:42:13,475 --> 00:42:14,510 It's a one-two step. 1032 00:42:14,643 --> 00:42:16,452 All right, that's enough. 1033 00:42:16,712 --> 00:42:18,316 Enough dancing! You and you... 1034 00:42:18,447 --> 00:42:19,824 outside, now! 1035 00:42:19,982 --> 00:42:21,888 Honey, calm down. 1036 00:42:22,985 --> 00:42:24,487 - Honey, calm down. - Sorry. 1037 00:42:24,653 --> 00:42:26,997 Do you understand they've deformed our little girl... 1038 00:42:27,155 --> 00:42:29,294 the day before her goddamn wedding? 1039 00:42:29,558 --> 00:42:31,682 She looks like Seal, for Christ's sake! 1040 00:42:31,762 --> 00:42:33,584 Oh! Why, Dad? 1041 00:42:33,664 --> 00:42:34,665 Ow! 1042 00:42:35,766 --> 00:42:37,109 Do you think he's gonna spank us? 1043 00:42:37,267 --> 00:42:38,268 What? 1044 00:42:39,036 --> 00:42:40,037 Never mind. 1045 00:42:40,137 --> 00:42:42,092 I haven't seen him this pissed in a long time. 1046 00:42:42,172 --> 00:42:43,207 OOP- 1047 00:42:43,307 --> 00:42:45,116 Yeah. It's the other door. 1048 00:42:46,043 --> 00:42:47,131 They meet in the middle. 1049 00:42:47,211 --> 00:42:48,815 - They meet in the middle. - God damn it! 1050 00:42:51,015 --> 00:42:53,393 Dad, listen. I know what you're gonna say. 1051 00:42:53,517 --> 00:42:55,773 - You're right. - We're gonna sue the ATV companies. 1052 00:42:55,853 --> 00:42:57,059 - Right? - I see. 1053 00:42:57,187 --> 00:42:58,188 Not what I was gonna say. 1054 00:42:58,322 --> 00:42:59,562 Let's Erin Brockovich this bitch. 1055 00:42:59,723 --> 00:43:01,293 Mike, stop! 1056 00:43:01,458 --> 00:43:03,681 You've got to own this. This is your fault. 1057 00:43:03,761 --> 00:43:04,762 It's not. 1058 00:43:05,295 --> 00:43:07,332 If anything, it's the girls' fault. 1059 00:43:07,598 --> 00:43:08,906 They're crazy. 1060 00:43:09,066 --> 00:43:11,457 The girls aren't the problem! 1061 00:43:11,537 --> 00:43:12,914 You are. 1062 00:43:13,072 --> 00:43:15,211 What the hell did you think was gonna happen, huh? 1063 00:43:15,374 --> 00:43:17,081 What did you think was gonna happen? 1064 00:43:17,243 --> 00:43:18,244 We had a plan. 1065 00:43:18,411 --> 00:43:20,823 The plan was to swim with dolphins... 1066 00:43:20,980 --> 00:43:22,687 and eat bananas afterwards. 1067 00:43:22,848 --> 00:43:24,589 See, Dad, I'm not gonna point any fingers here... 1068 00:43:24,750 --> 00:43:25,751 but indirectly... 1069 00:43:25,918 --> 00:43:28,592 we wouldn't have been on ATVs if the girls hadn't forced us to. 1070 00:43:28,754 --> 00:43:31,200 And who made us bring dates in the first place? 1071 00:43:32,358 --> 00:43:33,412 - Not pointing fingers. - Yeah. 1072 00:43:33,492 --> 00:43:35,733 All right. I'm gonna take back what I said to you earlier. 1073 00:43:35,895 --> 00:43:38,034 I am going to lump you in together. 1074 00:43:38,197 --> 00:43:41,007 All right, you are lumped! 1075 00:43:41,667 --> 00:43:43,578 The hell is wrong with you, huh? 1076 00:43:44,704 --> 00:43:46,081 What the hell is wrong with you? 1077 00:43:47,673 --> 00:43:49,051 Dad. 1078 00:43:51,679 --> 00:43:53,090 Fuck. 1079 00:43:55,650 --> 00:43:57,687 Everyone get the fuck away from me. 1080 00:43:57,852 --> 00:44:00,264 Move! Adult Swim! 1081 00:44:00,421 --> 00:44:03,698 It's all fucked now. It's all fucked, you know? Poor Jeanie. 1082 00:44:03,991 --> 00:44:05,847 Jeanie's special weekend, and I ruin it. 1083 00:44:05,927 --> 00:44:09,500 Hey, hey, hey, Alice? That was not your fault, okay? 1084 00:44:09,764 --> 00:44:12,587 That's two weddings that I've ruined. It's just like, "Stupid Alice!" 1085 00:44:12,667 --> 00:44:15,045 Look, it's too bad that Jeanie's face got shredded... 1086 00:44:15,336 --> 00:44:16,924 but this is supposed to be our vacay. 1087 00:44:17,004 --> 00:44:18,793 Remember? We're supposed to be having fun... 1088 00:44:18,873 --> 00:44:19,994 and going on adventures. 1089 00:44:20,074 --> 00:44:21,178 Get in here with me. 1090 00:44:21,342 --> 00:44:22,685 I'm gonna find her. I'm gonna make it up to her. 1091 00:44:22,844 --> 00:44:25,347 No, no! You're not listening to me. Don't leave me! 1092 00:44:34,924 --> 00:44:37,047 Thanks again for letting me join your spa day, ladies. 1093 00:44:37,127 --> 00:44:40,870 It's not like you asked or anything, but you're here. Yay. 1094 00:44:41,297 --> 00:44:43,402 What did you guys do for your bachelorette party? 1095 00:44:43,700 --> 00:44:45,555 Did it get crazy? Did you guys do that thing... 1096 00:44:45,635 --> 00:44:48,445 where you go to Vegas and you dress up as a prostitute... 1097 00:44:48,772 --> 00:44:50,460 and you go out and there's a contest... 1098 00:44:50,540 --> 00:44:52,747 to see who can get the most money from a john... 1099 00:44:53,009 --> 00:44:54,831 but then you tell him, "I'm an undercover cop"... 1100 00:44:54,911 --> 00:44:57,949 and they, like, beg that you don't tell their children and their wives... 1101 00:44:58,114 --> 00:45:00,754 and they piss themselves, and you've got the whole thing on video. 1102 00:45:00,917 --> 00:45:03,989 And then you put it on YouTube and then there's the Auto-Tune remix. 1103 00:45:04,154 --> 00:45:05,155 Did you do that thing? 1104 00:45:05,822 --> 00:45:06,893 - No. - No. 1105 00:45:07,224 --> 00:45:11,731 I didn't actually end up having one, so... 1106 00:45:11,897 --> 00:45:13,535 Why? Every bride needs a bachelorette party. 1107 00:45:13,732 --> 00:45:15,887 I'm sorry Cabo didn't work out, Jeanie. 1108 00:45:15,967 --> 00:45:17,456 I know. It's fine. 1109 00:45:17,536 --> 00:45:18,590 You know I couldn't get the time off work. 1110 00:45:18,670 --> 00:45:21,059 And it would have ruined it for you, down there without me. 1111 00:45:21,139 --> 00:45:22,294 Is there some tension about this? 1112 00:45:22,374 --> 00:45:24,996 So I just thought, "Let's cancel the whole trip," if that makes sense. 1113 00:45:25,076 --> 00:45:27,032 Jeanie, can you keep it down? On the phone with Tokyo. 1114 00:45:27,112 --> 00:45:28,200 Did I bring up something uncomfortable? 1115 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,624 Also, I caught the shingles because it was so stressful. 1116 00:45:32,584 --> 00:45:33,638 'Cause it feels like I did. 1117 00:45:33,718 --> 00:45:36,254 Plus they have Mexican bed bugs. 1118 00:45:37,756 --> 00:45:40,100 I need you guys to stop it! 1119 00:45:41,159 --> 00:45:43,469 Oh, that fucking gaping mouth of yours, shut it! 1120 00:45:44,029 --> 00:45:45,030 Shut it! 1121 00:45:45,463 --> 00:45:49,208 I just want to relax! Is that too much to ask? 1122 00:45:49,603 --> 00:45:52,209 Please! I just wanna relax. 1123 00:45:54,875 --> 00:45:56,149 How are you feeling, Jeanie? 1124 00:45:56,310 --> 00:45:57,789 A little stressed out. 1125 00:45:57,945 --> 00:46:00,789 - I'll give you a minute to disrobe. - Yeah, okay. 1126 00:46:00,948 --> 00:46:03,019 Face down on the table. 1127 00:46:03,417 --> 00:46:06,874 Hi, um, that is my best friend in there... 1128 00:46:06,954 --> 00:46:09,127 and she's getting married tomorrow, and she's a little uptight. 1129 00:46:09,423 --> 00:46:14,566 And I was wondering if you could, um, help her let loose a little bit? 1130 00:46:14,728 --> 00:46:15,749 You know? 1131 00:46:15,829 --> 00:46:20,835 Give her the "Hawaii Five Oh" experience? 1132 00:46:21,201 --> 00:46:23,824 The wink-wink, nudge-nudge massage, you know? 1133 00:46:23,904 --> 00:46:27,410 I can't really wink, but a wink-wink, nudge-nudge? 1134 00:46:27,710 --> 00:46:29,431 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 1135 00:46:29,511 --> 00:46:31,184 Looks like you had a bit of a fit. 1136 00:46:31,380 --> 00:46:33,951 No, no. That's wink... That's wink-wink... 1137 00:46:35,217 --> 00:46:37,424 I feel like I've gotten what you're trying to say. 1138 00:46:37,653 --> 00:46:39,875 - Great. - But I figured it out. 1139 00:46:39,955 --> 00:46:42,545 - You didn't really communicate it to me. - Okay, that's fair. 1140 00:46:42,625 --> 00:46:46,471 Yes, you want the special "I am blissful" massage? 1141 00:46:46,595 --> 00:46:48,700 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1142 00:46:49,198 --> 00:46:50,233 Um... 1143 00:46:50,332 --> 00:46:52,243 - How blissful is that? - Oh, don't worry. 1144 00:46:52,401 --> 00:46:53,937 Physically, no penetration. 1145 00:46:54,036 --> 00:46:55,024 Classy. 1146 00:46:55,104 --> 00:46:58,108 Spiritually, I'll be doing an intimate tour of her chi. 1147 00:46:58,407 --> 00:47:00,444 Oh, you're gonna be good in there. I can tell. 1148 00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:02,714 How's the temperature in here, Jeanie? 1149 00:47:03,512 --> 00:47:05,391 Oh, it's good. Good. Comfy. 1150 00:47:05,549 --> 00:47:08,894 Good. Take down the light a little bit. 1151 00:47:09,053 --> 00:47:10,760 So you're getting married, huh? 1152 00:47:11,022 --> 00:47:12,558 I am. Yeah. 1153 00:47:12,757 --> 00:47:15,613 I know it can be a stressful time. 1154 00:47:15,693 --> 00:47:19,607 You know it's like, "Who is this for, me or my family?" 1155 00:47:19,764 --> 00:47:22,210 Yeah. I've recently had an injury to my face... 1156 00:47:22,366 --> 00:47:24,368 which I'm a little stressed out about. 1157 00:47:25,069 --> 00:47:26,070 Are you okay with oil? 1158 00:47:26,237 --> 00:47:27,545 Yeah, sure. 1159 00:47:30,541 --> 00:47:31,796 You know, in my country... 1160 00:47:31,876 --> 00:47:35,153 they call oil "God's beautiful lubricant." 1161 00:47:36,147 --> 00:47:38,320 It sounds better in my language. 1162 00:47:41,886 --> 00:47:43,475 Oh, that's lovely. 1163 00:47:43,555 --> 00:47:44,577 'kay. 1164 00:47:44,657 --> 00:47:46,045 Some ground rules. 1165 00:47:46,125 --> 00:47:48,715 One, no emotions. 1166 00:47:48,795 --> 00:47:50,900 - Okay. - Two, breathe. 1167 00:47:52,465 --> 00:47:56,605 Three, there is no penetration, only vibration. 1168 00:47:57,904 --> 00:48:00,282 What is happening? 1169 00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:02,881 I call this "The Bent Penguin." 1170 00:48:03,042 --> 00:48:05,522 This one is just "The Ham and Eggs." 1171 00:48:05,678 --> 00:48:08,591 This one is called "When Moons Collide." 1172 00:48:08,748 --> 00:48:11,251 "Angry Hummingbird." "Angry Hummingbird." 1173 00:48:11,417 --> 00:48:13,795 This one is called "House by the Airport." 1174 00:48:13,953 --> 00:48:16,194 Just checking in. Everything good? 1175 00:48:16,356 --> 00:48:19,030 Hope you're enjoying this. For me, it's just another Friday. 1176 00:48:26,834 --> 00:48:28,677 "Happy Doll." 1177 00:48:29,037 --> 00:48:33,144 This one is just called "Taking a Break." I am pooped. 1178 00:48:33,308 --> 00:48:36,050 A little break. That's nice. 1179 00:48:37,946 --> 00:48:39,084 Here we go again. 1180 00:48:40,982 --> 00:48:42,518 Are you even touching me? 1181 00:48:42,717 --> 00:48:45,197 No, but my aura is. 1182 00:48:45,487 --> 00:48:48,009 Yes, it is! 1183 00:48:48,089 --> 00:48:50,501 Sweet baby Jesus! 1184 00:49:09,613 --> 00:49:10,751 How's it going? 1185 00:49:11,281 --> 00:49:13,761 Shit, I thought I was alone in here. 1186 00:49:13,917 --> 00:49:16,864 Oh, yeah. You're not. I mean, we're alone. 1187 00:49:17,454 --> 00:49:19,798 How's Mike? Still really jealous of me? 1188 00:49:20,424 --> 00:49:24,201 It's like, yeah, okay, do I own a Tesla? Yes. 1189 00:49:24,361 --> 00:49:27,001 Do I make a shit-ton of money, like, way more than Mike? 1190 00:49:27,164 --> 00:49:28,472 Yes. But it's like, who cares? 1191 00:49:28,632 --> 00:49:30,703 Do I get backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1192 00:49:30,967 --> 00:49:33,523 Do I have a glass blowing studio in my basement? 1193 00:49:33,603 --> 00:49:35,605 Hold up, backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1194 00:49:35,772 --> 00:49:37,683 Yeah, she likes to have me around. You know. 1195 00:49:37,841 --> 00:49:40,765 - RiRi is Alice's jam. - Oh, RiRi, is it? 1196 00:49:40,845 --> 00:49:41,880 - Yes. - That's funny. 1197 00:49:42,047 --> 00:49:44,527 She would freak out if I got her backstage tickets to Rihanna. 1198 00:49:44,683 --> 00:49:47,823 Well, you could get her tickets. From me. I'm right here. 1199 00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:49,363 Are you serious? 1200 00:49:49,521 --> 00:49:52,832 Oh, God, steam rooms just open up your pores, you know? 1201 00:49:53,492 --> 00:49:55,529 They open up everything. 1202 00:49:58,664 --> 00:50:02,888 Backstage at RiRi is very fun. Sometimes she plays the DJ. 1203 00:50:02,968 --> 00:50:06,642 You know, just scratching records. You know like... 1204 00:50:10,075 --> 00:50:11,748 Shit, man. That's... 1205 00:50:12,177 --> 00:50:15,234 Are you saying you want me to get in there for the tickets? 1206 00:50:15,314 --> 00:50:18,056 No. No, no, no. No. 1207 00:50:18,884 --> 00:50:20,558 Yes. 1208 00:50:24,225 --> 00:50:25,568 Tatiana? 1209 00:50:26,494 --> 00:50:27,734 Tatiana? Whoa. 1210 00:50:28,562 --> 00:50:31,600 Sorry about that. Looking for my wedding date. 1211 00:50:32,166 --> 00:50:33,167 Tatiana? 1212 00:50:33,267 --> 00:50:34,405 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 1213 00:50:38,572 --> 00:50:39,607 Please leave, sir. 1214 00:50:39,773 --> 00:50:41,013 What are you doing to my sister? 1215 00:50:41,175 --> 00:50:43,712 - Mike, I'm coming. - No! 1216 00:50:54,221 --> 00:50:55,427 Get out! 1217 00:50:59,461 --> 00:51:02,875 Oh, sure. Oh, sure. Oh, sure. 1218 00:51:03,032 --> 00:51:04,875 So, are we, like, close, or... 1219 00:51:05,535 --> 00:51:08,506 Let's put the washing machine on spin cycle. There we go. 1220 00:51:08,805 --> 00:51:10,713 What the... Tatiana! 1221 00:51:10,873 --> 00:51:12,079 Terry! 1222 00:51:12,241 --> 00:51:13,584 Terry! 1223 00:51:13,743 --> 00:51:15,984 - Tatiana! - Shut the fuck up, Mike. 1224 00:51:18,548 --> 00:51:19,535 Whoa! 1225 00:51:19,615 --> 00:51:21,421 I'm gonna kick your ass. 1226 00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:25,331 He is losing this fight! 1227 00:51:27,657 --> 00:51:29,512 Oh, God! I can see your nipple! 1228 00:51:29,592 --> 00:51:30,593 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 1229 00:51:33,663 --> 00:51:35,667 Get your butt out of my face! 1230 00:51:39,837 --> 00:51:43,080 Well, thank you so much. 1231 00:51:43,608 --> 00:51:45,144 Um, I definitely needed this. 1232 00:51:45,310 --> 00:51:48,120 I know. Bring this gift into your marriage. 1233 00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:52,355 - All you need is load-bearing ribbons. - Okay. 1234 00:51:52,517 --> 00:51:55,006 - And a reinforced ceiling. - Oh. 1235 00:51:55,086 --> 00:51:56,360 I should warn you... 1236 00:51:56,487 --> 00:52:00,560 you may experience some aftershock orgasms. 1237 00:52:00,792 --> 00:52:01,998 Oh. 1238 00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:05,334 So, I wouldn't operate any heavy machinery for a couple weeks. 1239 00:52:05,496 --> 00:52:08,102 That is not a euphemism for penis. I mean like... 1240 00:52:08,266 --> 00:52:12,715 - tractors, cranes, big boats. - Okay. 1241 00:52:12,870 --> 00:52:14,543 Good to know. 1242 00:52:14,706 --> 00:52:17,050 - Oh, and please hydrate. - Okay. 1243 00:52:17,208 --> 00:52:21,283 I cannot stress this enough. The consequences could be... 1244 00:52:22,549 --> 00:52:23,994 You could develop cancer. 1245 00:52:25,518 --> 00:52:26,826 You have a very good friend. 1246 00:52:32,192 --> 00:52:34,672 Wait, you did that? 1247 00:52:35,028 --> 00:52:37,918 Yeah, well, I felt so bad about your fucked up face... 1248 00:52:37,998 --> 00:52:39,409 and I wanted to make it up to you. 1249 00:52:40,033 --> 00:52:41,376 Aw! Thank you. 1250 00:52:41,701 --> 00:52:44,545 Hey, who needs a bachelorette party when they have you around? 1251 00:52:45,905 --> 00:52:47,794 - He rubbed my butt. - Yeah? 1252 00:52:47,874 --> 00:52:49,649 But with his butt. 1253 00:52:49,809 --> 00:52:52,415 It was like... He was on ribbons. 1254 00:52:53,713 --> 00:52:55,302 I don't know what you did with Jeanie in the spa... 1255 00:52:55,382 --> 00:52:56,971 but she's in a great mood. 1256 00:52:57,051 --> 00:52:59,555 Yeah, no problem. She just needed a release. 1257 00:52:59,721 --> 00:53:02,065 Oh, um, I had an idea for your graphic novel. 1258 00:53:02,224 --> 00:53:04,479 I thought you could do like a Rum character, 1259 00:53:04,559 --> 00:53:06,061 who's like Rastafarian, and he's like... 1260 00:53:06,461 --> 00:53:10,631 "I'm Rum Rum, get in my tum-tum, and I play the steel drum." 1261 00:53:11,166 --> 00:53:12,702 "You can rum, but you cannot hide, man." 1262 00:53:12,868 --> 00:53:15,371 Yeah, that's awesome. Already, that's so amazing. 1263 00:53:15,537 --> 00:53:17,847 No, that's such a good idea. How did I not figure that? 1264 00:53:19,875 --> 00:53:23,914 I think when I get back, I'm gonna stop selling liquor with Mike... 1265 00:53:24,079 --> 00:53:25,558 and start drawing full time. 1266 00:53:25,714 --> 00:53:27,193 - Really? - Yeah. 1267 00:53:27,349 --> 00:53:28,851 That's amazing. 1268 00:53:29,017 --> 00:53:31,224 Do you know how few people know what they really wanna do? 1269 00:53:31,386 --> 00:53:33,542 But then I think about what Mike's gonna think about it all... 1270 00:53:33,622 --> 00:53:35,602 and he's gonna hate that idea. 1271 00:53:35,758 --> 00:53:37,466 He's so clingy. 1272 00:53:37,628 --> 00:53:40,451 When we were kids, if I fell asleep before Mike... 1273 00:53:40,531 --> 00:53:42,602 he would always wake me up so he wouldn't feel alone. 1274 00:53:42,766 --> 00:53:44,609 - That's kinda sweet. - Yeah. 1275 00:53:44,768 --> 00:53:46,406 I don't know. I just... 1276 00:53:50,207 --> 00:53:51,584 Do you ever get that feeling... 1277 00:53:51,742 --> 00:53:55,246 that you're not good enough to get what you really want... 1278 00:53:55,412 --> 00:53:57,221 so you're too scared to try? 1279 00:53:58,949 --> 00:54:00,257 All the time. 1280 00:54:00,951 --> 00:54:03,727 - Really? - Like, all the time. It's terrifying. 1281 00:54:03,887 --> 00:54:05,764 - It is, it's terrifying. - Yeah. 1282 00:54:05,923 --> 00:54:06,924 You're, like, stuck. 1283 00:54:07,091 --> 00:54:08,729 - Totally. - Yeah. 1284 00:54:08,892 --> 00:54:10,394 Thanks. It's nice talking to you about this. 1285 00:54:23,776 --> 00:54:25,197 Hey. Where you going? 1286 00:54:25,277 --> 00:54:27,667 Is there a gang bang in the ballroom you need to emcee? 1287 00:54:27,747 --> 00:54:29,226 Don't be such a drama king. 1288 00:54:29,315 --> 00:54:31,022 Yeah, I'm totally overreacting. 1289 00:54:31,183 --> 00:54:32,491 When you invite someone to a wedding... 1290 00:54:32,651 --> 00:54:34,907 they obviously are supposed to finger diddle your family members. 1291 00:54:34,987 --> 00:54:35,988 That's common courtesy! 1292 00:54:36,155 --> 00:54:38,431 Okay, hold up. I am a grown-ass woman. 1293 00:54:38,624 --> 00:54:40,661 I can finger diddle whomever I want. 1294 00:54:40,793 --> 00:54:43,296 Just because you say "whomever" does not make it okay. 1295 00:54:43,462 --> 00:54:46,932 It's not a big deal. It's just like texting someone. 1296 00:54:47,166 --> 00:54:49,112 - Oh. - It's just like Tinder. 1297 00:54:49,268 --> 00:54:53,726 Swipe right, swipe right, swipe left. Swipe left, swipe right. 1298 00:54:53,806 --> 00:54:55,596 That's very graphic. That is... 1299 00:54:55,676 --> 00:54:58,816 Rotating your photos. Expanding them, contracting them. 1300 00:54:58,980 --> 00:55:01,517 Are you deliberately trying to hurt me? Is that what you're doing? 1301 00:55:01,682 --> 00:55:04,205 What? No! I was just trying to get RiRi tickets... 1302 00:55:04,285 --> 00:55:06,231 to make my best friend feel better, okay? 1303 00:55:06,387 --> 00:55:07,889 We're on vacay. 1304 00:55:09,957 --> 00:55:10,958 No... 1305 00:55:11,125 --> 00:55:14,834 You are invited to my sister's wedding. You're supposed to smile, nod... 1306 00:55:14,996 --> 00:55:16,202 and do what I want you to do. 1307 00:55:16,364 --> 00:55:17,365 That's the deal. 1308 00:55:17,999 --> 00:55:19,808 I thought that we had a connection. 1309 00:55:20,368 --> 00:55:21,369 Like a spark. 1310 00:55:21,536 --> 00:55:24,483 You thought you were gonna bring me here so that you could have sex with me. 1311 00:55:24,806 --> 00:55:27,261 Yes. No! What? Yeah, right. 1312 00:55:27,341 --> 00:55:28,342 Really? 1313 00:55:30,311 --> 00:55:32,018 Yes, obviously. 1314 00:55:32,180 --> 00:55:34,219 You are so hot. And you smell good. 1315 00:55:34,384 --> 00:55:36,159 It's not a weird thing that I wanna have sex with you... 1316 00:55:36,319 --> 00:55:38,265 because you are very sexy... 1317 00:55:38,421 --> 00:55:40,526 and you were leading me on, and we are in Hawaii... 1318 00:55:40,690 --> 00:55:42,567 which is a sexy place, and people have sex here. 1319 00:55:42,725 --> 00:55:45,035 God, dude, you built this all up in your head. 1320 00:55:45,195 --> 00:55:47,072 Alice and I just saw you on TV... 1321 00:55:47,263 --> 00:55:49,038 - wanted to go to Hawaii. - Hold up. 1322 00:55:50,066 --> 00:55:51,067 Fuck. 1323 00:55:51,234 --> 00:55:52,235 You saw us on TV? 1324 00:55:52,402 --> 00:55:54,804 No, I don't even watch Wendy Williams. 1325 00:55:59,676 --> 00:56:00,677 What? 1326 00:56:01,911 --> 00:56:03,447 - What? - Shh! 1327 00:56:03,546 --> 00:56:04,854 I thought you dug me. 1328 00:56:05,014 --> 00:56:06,288 Are you even a teacher? 1329 00:56:09,285 --> 00:56:10,286 No. 1330 00:56:10,453 --> 00:56:11,454 What about little Julio... 1331 00:56:11,621 --> 00:56:13,762 the dyslexic boy who you taught how to read? 1332 00:56:13,925 --> 00:56:16,303 Made it up. All of it. 1333 00:56:16,461 --> 00:56:18,737 Although I did have sex with this guy name Julio once... 1334 00:56:18,897 --> 00:56:20,399 and I'm pretty sure he couldn't read. 1335 00:56:21,366 --> 00:56:23,869 Here I thought you were Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds. 1336 00:56:24,035 --> 00:56:26,208 Turns out, you're Michelle Pfeiffer from Scarface. 1337 00:56:26,905 --> 00:56:28,316 And you didn't even 1338 00:56:28,473 --> 00:56:31,852 say hello to my little friend. 1339 00:56:36,414 --> 00:56:38,291 Oh, come on, man. 1340 00:56:39,317 --> 00:56:40,421 Mike. 1341 00:56:54,101 --> 00:56:55,910 I'm really sorry. Um... 1342 00:56:57,070 --> 00:56:59,107 I've been acting crazy. 1343 00:56:59,439 --> 00:57:02,062 It's probably about Luke, my ex. 1344 00:57:02,142 --> 00:57:05,316 Oh, yeah. The guy who died in the plane crash... 1345 00:57:05,979 --> 00:57:08,118 with cancer, and AIDS, and stuff. 1346 00:57:08,282 --> 00:57:09,989 Yeah, that's the one. 1347 00:57:10,651 --> 00:57:12,790 Except none of that stuff happened, 'cause, um... 1348 00:57:16,590 --> 00:57:18,178 I lied. 1349 00:57:18,258 --> 00:57:19,259 You lied? 1350 00:57:21,395 --> 00:57:22,483 I can't do this. 1351 00:57:22,563 --> 00:57:23,564 Wait. 1352 00:57:23,664 --> 00:57:24,699 Sorry. 1353 00:57:24,798 --> 00:57:27,454 - That's okay. That's okay. - Sorry everyone. 1354 00:57:27,534 --> 00:57:30,709 I just forgot my phone. Can I grab my phone? 1355 00:57:31,439 --> 00:57:34,181 Sorry, I still don't want to get married. 1356 00:57:36,345 --> 00:57:40,525 Oh, my gosh. That's almost as bad as the plane crash story. 1357 00:57:41,350 --> 00:57:42,829 Why didn't you just tell me? 1358 00:57:44,820 --> 00:57:46,993 I didn't want you to think I was damaged goods. 1359 00:57:48,190 --> 00:57:49,965 I would never think that. 1360 00:57:50,793 --> 00:57:51,999 "Love hurts. 1361 00:57:52,995 --> 00:57:54,668 "Love scars. 1362 00:57:54,830 --> 00:57:58,642 "Love wounds, and mars." 1363 00:57:59,668 --> 00:58:03,844 That's from a really old song, for old people. 1364 00:58:05,140 --> 00:58:06,915 Why are you so nice? 1365 00:58:09,913 --> 00:58:11,860 'Cause I think you're nice. 1366 00:58:19,090 --> 00:58:20,091 David! 1367 00:58:20,992 --> 00:58:23,666 David, I need you here with me now. Come on. 1368 00:58:23,828 --> 00:58:25,068 No. No. 1369 00:58:25,496 --> 00:58:27,874 Stangles, assemble. Now! 1370 00:58:28,032 --> 00:58:29,739 - Let's go. - Is he okay? 1371 00:58:29,834 --> 00:58:30,821 Yeah, I think he's fine. 1372 00:58:30,901 --> 00:58:31,902 He's just got a lot on his mind. 1373 00:58:32,069 --> 00:58:33,090 Let's go! 1374 00:58:33,170 --> 00:58:35,440 Okay, I'm coming, dude. Jeez. 1375 00:58:37,575 --> 00:58:38,747 Oh... I... 1376 00:58:38,843 --> 00:58:40,754 You gave me a boost up. Okay. 1377 00:58:48,452 --> 00:58:49,933 A line has been drawn, David. 1378 00:58:50,189 --> 00:58:52,679 A clear line in the sand. 1379 00:58:52,759 --> 00:58:54,347 Is that why you brought me all the way down here... 1380 00:58:54,427 --> 00:58:56,549 so you could literally draw a line in the sand? 1381 00:58:56,629 --> 00:58:57,817 I'm a visual thinker, David. 1382 00:58:57,897 --> 00:58:59,205 - God damn it! - Son of a... 1383 00:59:00,500 --> 00:59:03,289 These girls, they've gotta go. 1384 00:59:03,369 --> 00:59:07,545 They pretended to dig us just to get a free trip to Hawaii. 1385 00:59:07,707 --> 00:59:08,981 They're liars! 1386 00:59:09,142 --> 00:59:11,213 So what, man? So they lied. 1387 00:59:11,644 --> 00:59:13,032 I was talking to Alice. 1388 00:59:13,112 --> 00:59:15,058 You have no idea what this girl's been through. 1389 00:59:15,214 --> 00:59:17,717 She needed this trip. We might have saved her life. 1390 00:59:18,084 --> 00:59:20,974 We should be practicing our speech for tonight. 1391 00:59:21,054 --> 00:59:23,466 Not babysitting the twins from The Shining. 1392 00:59:26,325 --> 00:59:27,804 Oh, my God. 1393 00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:29,305 Why are you laughing at me? 1394 00:59:29,631 --> 00:59:31,553 You sound like mom and dad when they're talking about us. 1395 00:59:31,633 --> 00:59:33,579 Well, no, fuck that noise. 1396 00:59:34,135 --> 00:59:35,724 Oh. Oh. Oh. 1397 00:59:35,804 --> 00:59:37,340 Guess what! You're gonna love this. 1398 00:59:37,505 --> 00:59:41,419 Tatiana was jerking off our cousin Terry. 1399 00:59:41,576 --> 00:59:43,231 - What? - Mmm-hmm. 1400 00:59:43,311 --> 00:59:44,449 Cousin Terry has a dick? 1401 00:59:44,779 --> 00:59:46,368 No, not "jerking off" jerking off. 1402 00:59:46,448 --> 00:59:48,621 The female version of jerking. 1403 00:59:48,783 --> 00:59:50,456 Dude, let's just chill out... 1404 00:59:50,618 --> 00:59:52,757 focus on Jeanie, and try not to be assholes... 1405 00:59:52,921 --> 00:59:54,242 for the rest of the weekend, okay? Can we do that? 1406 00:59:54,322 --> 00:59:55,960 I can't do that, David. 1407 00:59:56,357 --> 00:59:58,428 Because I saw our little sister... 1408 00:59:59,260 --> 01:00:00,261 What? 1409 01:00:01,162 --> 01:00:03,540 Well, let's just say she was making this face... 1410 01:00:05,934 --> 01:00:07,642 What? She saw a ghost? 1411 01:00:09,773 --> 01:00:11,184 She really had to pee? 1412 01:00:12,542 --> 01:00:13,543 Doing vocal warmups? 1413 01:00:14,411 --> 01:00:16,066 What are you doing? It looks like you're having an orgasm. 1414 01:00:16,146 --> 01:00:19,491 She was, David! With the masseuse. 1415 01:00:20,016 --> 01:00:21,359 - What! - Yes! 1416 01:00:21,551 --> 01:00:22,689 Oh, my God! 1417 01:00:22,819 --> 01:00:24,975 - She orgasms like a star. - No! 1418 01:00:25,055 --> 01:00:26,227 What's next? 1419 01:00:26,490 --> 01:00:30,961 I'm gonna walk in on mom giving dad a Push Pop? 1420 01:00:31,628 --> 01:00:32,663 What's a Push Pop? 1421 01:00:32,796 --> 01:00:36,141 I made it up, Dave. It's a sexual term that I just made up. 1422 01:00:36,299 --> 01:00:38,822 - What's a Push Pop? - I don't know. 1423 01:00:38,902 --> 01:00:40,757 - What's a Push Pop? - I don't know! 1424 01:00:40,837 --> 01:00:42,059 What's a Push Pop? 1425 01:00:42,139 --> 01:00:44,642 I've been to the bowels of the Internet, and I've never seen a Push Pop. 1426 01:00:44,808 --> 01:00:46,378 God, just tell me! What's a Push Pop? 1427 01:00:46,544 --> 01:00:48,491 It's a whole hand up an ass, David. 1428 01:00:48,647 --> 01:00:50,558 Is that what you want me to say? 1429 01:00:50,716 --> 01:00:54,095 - Oh, God! - Two hands pushin' the pop. 1430 01:00:54,186 --> 01:00:56,257 - Oh, God. - Is that what you want me to say? 1431 01:00:56,355 --> 01:00:57,891 I'll send you some links. 1432 01:01:17,276 --> 01:01:19,381 - We're at table two. - I'll be at the bar. 1433 01:01:19,545 --> 01:01:21,081 - I said table two. - I'll be at the bar! 1434 01:01:21,246 --> 01:01:22,418 You're out of control! 1435 01:01:23,248 --> 01:01:24,249 Thank you. 1436 01:01:25,384 --> 01:01:26,956 Trouble in paradise? 1437 01:01:31,125 --> 01:01:34,004 Freaking I don't care if I cause a scene. 1438 01:01:34,161 --> 01:01:38,109 Freaking I will punch you 17,000 times in the face. Freaking. 1439 01:01:38,265 --> 01:01:39,266 Take a shot. 1440 01:01:39,767 --> 01:01:42,338 You look like Don Johnson fucked Zack Morris. 1441 01:01:43,070 --> 01:01:45,949 Wait till Tatiana hears your shitty speech after my crazy dope one. 1442 01:01:46,106 --> 01:01:47,483 She's never gonna touch your baby bird again. 1443 01:01:49,177 --> 01:01:51,250 Thriller-Terry out! 1444 01:01:52,913 --> 01:01:54,415 So sad! 1445 01:01:54,582 --> 01:01:55,822 Oh, my God. It's a movie about cameras 1446 01:01:55,916 --> 01:01:57,190 just following you everywhere. 1447 01:01:57,418 --> 01:01:59,740 - Like The Truman Show. - Yeah! Exactly like The Truman Show! 1448 01:01:59,820 --> 01:02:01,527 Hey, Dave! Dave! 1449 01:02:01,689 --> 01:02:02,929 Hey, what's up? 1450 01:02:03,090 --> 01:02:05,748 I need you to come backstage right now and practice the speech. 1451 01:02:05,828 --> 01:02:07,034 Uh... 1452 01:02:07,129 --> 01:02:09,200 Dude, I'm kind of talking to Alice right now. 1453 01:02:09,365 --> 01:02:11,106 Which is a conversation you've now interrupted twice. 1454 01:02:11,267 --> 01:02:12,473 Our speech needs to kill. 1455 01:02:12,635 --> 01:02:14,672 Terry got a punch up from Chris Rock. 1456 01:02:14,937 --> 01:02:17,383 I didn't want to tell you before because I didn't want you to freak out. 1457 01:02:17,540 --> 01:02:18,541 I'm not freaking out. 1458 01:02:18,674 --> 01:02:20,017 Calm the fuck down, Dave! 1459 01:02:20,176 --> 01:02:21,314 You calm the fuck down! 1460 01:02:21,477 --> 01:02:23,252 Mike, you look like your face is gonna pop. 1461 01:02:23,479 --> 01:02:25,268 You gonna come or what? 1462 01:02:25,348 --> 01:02:26,736 Let's go. 1463 01:02:26,816 --> 01:02:28,689 I'll see you backstage. 1464 01:02:30,920 --> 01:02:31,941 Uh... 1465 01:02:32,021 --> 01:02:34,110 - I'm gonna go deal with this real quick. - Okay. 1466 01:02:34,190 --> 01:02:36,136 I'll just talk to myself for a while. All alone. 1467 01:02:39,395 --> 01:02:41,170 ...look on your stupid face! 1468 01:02:41,264 --> 01:02:42,752 What's wrong with me? 1469 01:02:42,832 --> 01:02:44,488 Don't fucking look at her. Turn around. 1470 01:02:44,568 --> 01:02:45,957 Everybody get the fuck out of here. 1471 01:02:46,037 --> 01:02:47,380 Fuck you, Luke. 1472 01:02:47,739 --> 01:02:50,510 I'm just gonna have a little lie down, okay? 1473 01:03:02,287 --> 01:03:03,459 Hi! 1474 01:03:03,621 --> 01:03:05,043 - Hi! - Hi! 1475 01:03:05,123 --> 01:03:07,245 Did you need to take a little breather, too? 1476 01:03:07,325 --> 01:03:08,827 No. Why? Are you? 1477 01:03:09,693 --> 01:03:11,015 Well... 1478 01:03:11,095 --> 01:03:14,452 You know, you think that every moment is going to feel... 1479 01:03:14,532 --> 01:03:16,821 warm and glowy... 1480 01:03:16,901 --> 01:03:18,723 and absolutely magical. 1481 01:03:18,803 --> 01:03:21,750 But, then, some stuff happens. 1482 01:03:22,740 --> 01:03:24,314 - Sure does. - Yeah. 1483 01:03:26,313 --> 01:03:29,522 Well, if you want warm, glowy and magical... 1484 01:03:30,383 --> 01:03:31,453 I have just the thing. 1485 01:03:32,085 --> 01:03:33,257 I don't leave home without it. 1486 01:03:36,089 --> 01:03:37,644 - Ecstasy. - Oh! 1487 01:03:37,724 --> 01:03:40,347 Every bride deserves to have a little fun the night before her wedding! 1488 01:03:40,427 --> 01:03:42,407 Yeah. I deserve to have a little fun. 1489 01:03:43,630 --> 01:03:45,371 You are so nice to me. 1490 01:03:45,598 --> 01:03:46,599 Aww. 1491 01:03:49,636 --> 01:03:51,292 This is gonna be so much fun! 1492 01:03:51,372 --> 01:03:54,307 - We should find something to suck on. - What? Oh. 1493 01:03:54,674 --> 01:03:57,014 - Mike! - Here. Put these on. 1494 01:03:57,510 --> 01:03:58,682 - We need headsets? - Yeah! 1495 01:03:59,045 --> 01:04:01,334 There's a lot of dancing in our speech, my man. Right? 1496 01:04:01,414 --> 01:04:02,603 Gotta go hands free. 1497 01:04:02,683 --> 01:04:04,239 This is how we do it, baby. 1498 01:04:04,319 --> 01:04:06,341 Come on. Hey, check this out. 1499 01:04:06,421 --> 01:04:08,477 I'm going to "wedding crash" cousin Terry. 1500 01:04:08,557 --> 01:04:09,611 What? 1501 01:04:09,691 --> 01:04:10,712 Put a few eye drops in her drink. 1502 01:04:10,792 --> 01:04:12,547 That way she shits all night, and can't do the speech. 1503 01:04:12,627 --> 01:04:13,799 Just like in the movie Wedding Crashers. 1504 01:04:13,996 --> 01:04:15,717 Mike, that is a terrible idea. 1505 01:04:15,797 --> 01:04:18,053 - You've seen the movie! - Of course I've seen the movie. 1506 01:04:18,133 --> 01:04:20,022 - You love that movie. - Everyone loves that movie. 1507 01:04:20,102 --> 01:04:21,523 How's it a bad idea if you love the movie? 1508 01:04:21,603 --> 01:04:23,558 I love Taken. I don't want to go steal little girls. 1509 01:04:23,638 --> 01:04:25,327 But we shouldn't wedding crash our own cousin. 1510 01:04:25,407 --> 01:04:26,628 I'm worried about you, man. 1511 01:04:26,708 --> 01:04:28,585 I'm really worried that you're losing your mind. 1512 01:04:28,710 --> 01:04:30,314 The look in your eyes right now... 1513 01:04:30,545 --> 01:04:32,501 You haven't blinked since we've started talking. 1514 01:04:32,581 --> 01:04:34,026 Oh, Davie, Davie, Davie! 1515 01:04:34,249 --> 01:04:35,319 What? 1516 01:04:35,717 --> 01:04:38,323 I've never been in more control in my entire life. 1517 01:04:41,574 --> 01:04:43,303 Mike! 1518 01:04:43,603 --> 01:04:44,758 Mike! 1519 01:04:44,858 --> 01:04:45,972 This is really intense. 1520 01:04:46,597 --> 01:04:48,218 Yeah, it's hitting me really hard. 1521 01:04:48,298 --> 01:04:50,175 This is good ecstasy. 1522 01:04:50,634 --> 01:04:52,443 I don't know. I wouldn't know. It's my first time. 1523 01:04:52,636 --> 01:04:54,024 - Wait, what? - What? 1524 01:04:54,104 --> 01:04:56,427 Why would you take ecstasy for the first time 1525 01:04:56,507 --> 01:04:57,928 on the night before your wedding? 1526 01:04:58,008 --> 01:04:59,009 What? 1527 01:04:59,109 --> 01:05:00,486 That is so baller! 1528 01:05:01,311 --> 01:05:03,188 Like a tiny blonde gangsta! 1529 01:05:03,313 --> 01:05:05,656 This little gangsta would kill for a motherfucking ginger ale! 1530 01:05:06,817 --> 01:05:07,887 - Do you wanna go? - Mmm-hmm. 1531 01:05:07,985 --> 01:05:09,440 Okay, let's go. 1532 01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:11,363 Hello, everyone. Please take your seats. 1533 01:05:11,755 --> 01:05:16,064 Welcome to the rehearsal dinner for my man, Eric... 1534 01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:18,504 and his bride-to-be, the lovely Jeanie. 1535 01:05:18,595 --> 01:05:21,510 They're two of the sweetest, best people I ever met. 1536 01:05:21,634 --> 01:05:23,910 All right. Our first speaker tonight... 1537 01:05:24,003 --> 01:05:25,791 is resident nasty girl... 1538 01:05:25,871 --> 01:05:28,009 Cousin Terry. 1539 01:05:28,407 --> 01:05:29,943 We can't let Terry crush. 1540 01:05:30,242 --> 01:05:31,297 It's not fair! 1541 01:05:31,377 --> 01:05:32,583 No. Give it to me. 1542 01:05:32,678 --> 01:05:34,385 My eyes are dry. Just give it to me. 1543 01:05:34,780 --> 01:05:36,384 Do you guys know who Chris Rock is? 1544 01:05:36,949 --> 01:05:39,987 He's my neighbor, and he helped me out with a little something I like to call... 1545 01:05:40,252 --> 01:05:41,607 "My speech." 1546 01:05:41,687 --> 01:05:44,310 Stop. You're wasting it. You're wasting the poison. 1547 01:05:44,390 --> 01:05:45,511 Mike, this is baby safe. 1548 01:05:45,591 --> 01:05:48,547 They removed the active ingredient, Tetrahydrozoline, like 20 years ago! 1549 01:05:48,627 --> 01:05:49,849 It worked on Wedding Crashers! 1550 01:05:49,929 --> 01:05:51,450 That was not real life! 1551 01:05:51,530 --> 01:05:54,136 Now let's talk about destination weddings! 1552 01:05:54,800 --> 01:05:56,255 It's like a vacation... 1553 01:05:56,335 --> 01:05:58,178 without the relaxation! 1554 01:05:59,873 --> 01:06:01,029 That's true. 1555 01:06:01,109 --> 01:06:02,110 Why aren't you on my side, Dave? 1556 01:06:02,543 --> 01:06:03,564 What? 1557 01:06:03,644 --> 01:06:06,056 I'm done with this shit, man. I'm not doing our stupid speech. 1558 01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:08,469 In fact, I'm quitting our liquor business. 1559 01:06:08,549 --> 01:06:09,653 There it is! 1560 01:06:09,884 --> 01:06:10,954 - Really? - Yeah. 1561 01:06:11,052 --> 01:06:12,156 And what are you gonna do? 1562 01:06:12,286 --> 01:06:13,641 I'm gonna draw! 1563 01:06:13,721 --> 01:06:16,844 I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, and Mom's gonna help me cover the rent. 1564 01:06:16,924 --> 01:06:17,994 Boom! 1565 01:06:18,192 --> 01:06:19,213 You traitor! 1566 01:06:19,293 --> 01:06:20,328 I ain't gotta rehearse! 1567 01:06:20,862 --> 01:06:23,670 I know how to eat dinner. 1568 01:06:25,833 --> 01:06:26,868 Keith, can you turn me up a little bit? 1569 01:06:27,768 --> 01:06:30,780 You turn your back on me when everyone else does. 1570 01:06:31,005 --> 01:06:34,013 Backstabbing, treacherous lying coward! 1571 01:06:34,242 --> 01:06:35,496 Ooh, I don't think they know they're on. 1572 01:06:35,576 --> 01:06:36,987 What? Where is that coming from? 1573 01:06:37,345 --> 01:06:38,585 I don't know what I did! 1574 01:06:38,679 --> 01:06:40,003 It doesn't matter, Mike. 1575 01:06:40,083 --> 01:06:41,494 You're losing your mind. 1576 01:06:41,684 --> 01:06:43,630 You just tried to poison our cousin Terry! 1577 01:06:44,988 --> 01:06:46,209 Try a little harder. Am I right? 1578 01:06:46,289 --> 01:06:47,444 You're goddamn right I did. 1579 01:06:47,524 --> 01:06:50,562 Because I wanted her to shit hot brown poop all over that stage. 1580 01:06:51,461 --> 01:06:52,816 That is unacceptable. 1581 01:06:52,896 --> 01:06:54,751 The mics are on, boys. 1582 01:06:54,831 --> 01:06:57,720 I wanted her butt to explode like a rotten cantaloupe. 1583 01:06:57,800 --> 01:06:58,988 The mics are on! 1584 01:06:59,068 --> 01:07:02,140 You're just fucking pissed off because Tatiana finger diddled Terry. 1585 01:07:03,472 --> 01:07:05,013 There it is! 1586 01:07:05,275 --> 01:07:07,145 It was for tickets to Rihanna. 1587 01:07:07,277 --> 01:07:09,188 You're sad, man. You are sad. 1588 01:07:09,579 --> 01:07:12,185 I'm gonna kick your ass just like when we were kids. 1589 01:07:16,753 --> 01:07:18,028 - Oh! - My God! 1590 01:07:20,258 --> 01:07:21,513 - Do you wanna go? - Don't do it! 1591 01:07:21,593 --> 01:07:22,814 These are coming your way. 1592 01:07:22,894 --> 01:07:24,229 Just stop! 1593 01:07:25,063 --> 01:07:26,736 God! That had to hurt. 1594 01:07:27,065 --> 01:07:28,373 Don't do it again. 1595 01:07:28,833 --> 01:07:29,834 Oh! 1596 01:07:32,103 --> 01:07:33,325 Why do you keep punching me? 1597 01:07:33,405 --> 01:07:34,816 Why do you keep rushing at me? 1598 01:07:34,973 --> 01:07:36,145 Get him, Dave. 1599 01:07:36,241 --> 01:07:37,362 Oops, who said that? 1600 01:07:37,442 --> 01:07:39,080 This wedding is going to hell! 1601 01:07:39,177 --> 01:07:40,332 Yes. 1602 01:07:40,412 --> 01:07:42,517 They're out there, smiling like fucking idiots. 1603 01:07:43,081 --> 01:07:45,254 And they don't realize the bride... 1604 01:07:45,417 --> 01:07:47,339 is getting off at massage parlors... 1605 01:07:47,419 --> 01:07:49,728 like a goddamn Vietnam War veteran. 1606 01:07:51,289 --> 01:07:53,812 I think they misunderstood what happened. I think they just misunderstood. 1607 01:07:53,892 --> 01:07:56,014 I walked in and saw little Jeanie... 1608 01:07:56,094 --> 01:07:57,884 the bride-to-be, orgasming. 1609 01:07:57,965 --> 01:08:00,354 The masseuse got her off. 1610 01:08:00,434 --> 01:08:01,788 God damn it! 1611 01:08:01,868 --> 01:08:02,938 Jeanie! 1612 01:08:03,370 --> 01:08:04,371 I hate you! 1613 01:08:18,452 --> 01:08:20,261 The rehearsal dinner is over. 1614 01:08:20,954 --> 01:08:23,958 Drinks by the pool, everybody. Drinks by the pool. 1615 01:08:27,594 --> 01:08:30,131 Everything feels so good, right? 1616 01:08:30,264 --> 01:08:31,265 Yep. 1617 01:08:31,665 --> 01:08:33,187 You know what I've been thinking about a lot? 1618 01:08:33,267 --> 01:08:34,337 Tell me. 1619 01:08:34,434 --> 01:08:36,357 Eric is so sweet and sensitive. 1620 01:08:36,437 --> 01:08:38,460 Kind, good, fiancé. 1621 01:08:38,540 --> 01:08:40,076 Probably great husband and stuff, but... 1622 01:08:41,176 --> 01:08:42,965 Do you think Eric is boring? 1623 01:08:43,045 --> 01:08:44,099 Boring? 1624 01:08:44,179 --> 01:08:45,351 Like for my honeymoon... 1625 01:08:45,781 --> 01:08:47,903 all I wanted to do was go on a hot air balloon... 1626 01:08:47,983 --> 01:08:49,758 to different countries around the world. 1627 01:08:49,918 --> 01:08:52,107 And just be surrounded by wicker. 1628 01:08:52,187 --> 01:08:53,676 We could have wicker picnic baskets... 1629 01:08:53,756 --> 01:08:56,293 and I could make picnic hats out of wicker. 1630 01:08:56,525 --> 01:08:58,514 We would be wearing matching Chuck Taylors. 1631 01:08:58,594 --> 01:09:00,437 - And he vetoed it. - Oh! 1632 01:09:00,863 --> 01:09:03,241 Because he wants to go to a resort, and just... 1633 01:09:05,334 --> 01:09:06,889 - ...perch. - What? 1634 01:09:06,969 --> 01:09:08,057 I am a young woman... 1635 01:09:08,137 --> 01:09:10,392 - Preach! - There is so much for me to see. 1636 01:09:10,472 --> 01:09:12,782 - Yes. - I haven't even been to Burning Man. 1637 01:09:13,242 --> 01:09:15,449 I don't even know what Amsterdam is like. 1638 01:09:15,979 --> 01:09:17,550 I haven't been to Seattle. 1639 01:09:17,682 --> 01:09:18,936 You've never been to Seattle? 1640 01:09:19,016 --> 01:09:20,037 No! 1641 01:09:20,117 --> 01:09:22,495 - Seattle's gonna change your fucking life! - Really? 1642 01:09:22,586 --> 01:09:23,808 You need to get out of this cage! 1643 01:09:23,888 --> 01:09:24,942 I am in a cage... 1644 01:09:25,022 --> 01:09:27,502 just like these horses are caged. 1645 01:09:27,692 --> 01:09:29,569 Just let them out. 1646 01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:30,761 Huh? 1647 01:09:32,229 --> 01:09:33,333 Let them all out. 1648 01:09:39,737 --> 01:09:42,360 Be free! No one can hold you down! 1649 01:09:42,440 --> 01:09:45,580 Be free, my friends! Follow your dreams! 1650 01:10:11,170 --> 01:10:12,410 Here to pile on? 1651 01:10:12,772 --> 01:10:13,773 Go ahead. 1652 01:10:13,873 --> 01:10:15,161 Any insult you can think of... 1653 01:10:15,241 --> 01:10:16,743 I've probably told myself a million times. 1654 01:10:16,876 --> 01:10:18,549 Why were you trying to poison your cousin? 1655 01:10:20,747 --> 01:10:25,972 I was jealous of the whole steam room incident. 1656 01:10:26,052 --> 01:10:28,862 That is some crazy shit. That's like something I would do. 1657 01:10:29,088 --> 01:10:30,710 This one time in high school... 1658 01:10:30,790 --> 01:10:32,278 this bitch tried to hit on my boyfriend... 1659 01:10:32,358 --> 01:10:33,947 and I cut off her ponytail while she was sleeping... 1660 01:10:34,027 --> 01:10:35,483 and I wore it to school for a month. 1661 01:10:35,563 --> 01:10:36,685 What the fuck? 1662 01:10:36,765 --> 01:10:38,301 But you tried to poison your cousin. 1663 01:10:51,780 --> 01:10:54,761 Look. I'm sorry I've been so rough on you, okay? 1664 01:10:54,983 --> 01:10:58,692 I honestly think it's because you're so much like me. 1665 01:10:58,920 --> 01:11:00,875 You act all confident... 1666 01:11:00,955 --> 01:11:03,959 but, inside, you're scared of everything. 1667 01:11:04,192 --> 01:11:05,899 You act like you don't care what people think... 1668 01:11:05,994 --> 01:11:07,564 but you really care what people think. 1669 01:11:07,662 --> 01:11:08,883 And you try to act so smart... 1670 01:11:08,963 --> 01:11:10,585 but sometimes... 1671 01:11:10,665 --> 01:11:13,876 you're just afraid you're the dumbest person in the world. 1672 01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:18,244 I'm so dumb. 1673 01:11:18,742 --> 01:11:22,212 I'm constantly saying words that I don't know the meaning of. 1674 01:11:22,879 --> 01:11:25,223 Like, I use this word, "assuage"... 1675 01:11:25,482 --> 01:11:26,859 all the time. 1676 01:11:27,150 --> 01:11:29,096 Can you assuage me the ketchup? 1677 01:11:29,219 --> 01:11:31,130 Can I assuage you a few questions? 1678 01:11:31,321 --> 01:11:34,131 - Is that the meaning of it? - I don't know. 1679 01:11:34,224 --> 01:11:35,679 But it's like, I'm so stupid... 1680 01:11:35,759 --> 01:11:38,014 but I act all confident, so people listen to me. 1681 01:11:38,094 --> 01:11:39,164 And it's fucked up. 1682 01:11:39,362 --> 01:11:41,273 Me, too. I'm a natural born leader. 1683 01:11:41,498 --> 01:11:43,253 Like George Washington. 1684 01:11:43,333 --> 01:11:44,421 Yeah. 1685 01:11:44,501 --> 01:11:45,741 Or another leader. 1686 01:11:53,312 --> 01:11:54,700 All right, here's one. 1687 01:11:54,780 --> 01:11:56,851 But I'm about to get super real with you. Okay? 1688 01:11:58,317 --> 01:12:01,958 I thought I was destined for such great things... 1689 01:12:02,054 --> 01:12:04,728 but I may never achieve anything. 1690 01:12:08,260 --> 01:12:09,500 Sister. 1691 01:12:10,863 --> 01:12:12,774 Have you been reading my diary? 1692 01:12:21,840 --> 01:12:22,875 Yes. 1693 01:12:23,842 --> 01:12:24,946 Okay. 1694 01:12:37,424 --> 01:12:38,712 You are beautiful! 1695 01:12:38,792 --> 01:12:40,169 On to Seattle! 1696 01:12:40,327 --> 01:12:41,431 Alice? 1697 01:12:42,463 --> 01:12:43,464 Am I glowing? 1698 01:12:43,731 --> 01:12:45,804 I can see sounds and hear colors. 1699 01:12:45,899 --> 01:12:47,237 Be free! 1700 01:12:47,401 --> 01:12:49,005 What the fuck are the horses doing out? 1701 01:12:49,937 --> 01:12:51,348 Who the fuck are you guys? 1702 01:12:51,605 --> 01:12:52,811 Fucking gypsies! 1703 01:12:52,973 --> 01:12:55,112 Francisco! Francisco, run! 1704 01:12:55,509 --> 01:12:57,455 Whoa! Shit! 1705 01:13:00,281 --> 01:13:01,335 Hey. 1706 01:13:01,415 --> 01:13:02,985 Dave! Hi. 1707 01:13:04,618 --> 01:13:05,940 What's up? What's up with you? 1708 01:13:06,020 --> 01:13:08,296 - What's going on? Are you okay? - Me? 1709 01:13:08,455 --> 01:13:10,595 Yeah. I'm fine. 1710 01:13:12,361 --> 01:13:13,806 Oh. Yeah. Well... 1711 01:13:14,363 --> 01:13:16,138 Yeah. See, what happened was that... 1712 01:13:16,299 --> 01:13:18,621 there was a tsunami, and it took away our clothes... 1713 01:13:18,701 --> 01:13:19,922 but it brought these horses. 1714 01:13:20,002 --> 01:13:20,990 What? 1715 01:13:21,070 --> 01:13:23,292 And then, we wanted to get naked because of Lady Godiva... 1716 01:13:23,372 --> 01:13:25,147 but then horses can't eat chocolate. 1717 01:13:25,308 --> 01:13:27,288 They could have an aneurysm. 1718 01:13:27,443 --> 01:13:28,649 Where's Jeanie? 1719 01:13:28,744 --> 01:13:30,099 Hey, don't yell at her just because she's the one... 1720 01:13:30,179 --> 01:13:31,767 - that told me to go to Seattle. - Holy shit! 1721 01:13:31,847 --> 01:13:33,503 - I've always wanted to go! - Oh, my God! 1722 01:13:33,583 --> 01:13:35,371 That is not her fault. 1723 01:13:35,451 --> 01:13:36,896 - Oh, my eyes! - What's the matter? 1724 01:13:37,053 --> 01:13:38,641 Stop yelling. Why are you yelling? David, stop yelling. 1725 01:13:38,721 --> 01:13:40,359 You're being loud. And this a happy time. 1726 01:13:40,523 --> 01:13:41,866 This a really good time. 1727 01:13:42,024 --> 01:13:43,179 There's nothing wrong. So who's at fault? 1728 01:13:43,259 --> 01:13:45,637 Did you know that Hitler's parents were second cousins? 1729 01:13:45,828 --> 01:13:47,364 - Do you have any water? - Put your clothes on! 1730 01:13:47,530 --> 01:13:50,739 I'm a woman, Dave. Deal with it. 1731 01:13:50,969 --> 01:13:54,678 Because this is the bush that you came out of. 1732 01:13:54,839 --> 01:13:56,182 I didn't come from that bush. 1733 01:13:56,341 --> 01:13:58,048 I came from Mom's bush. And you know that. 1734 01:13:58,209 --> 01:13:59,654 Jeanie! Oh, my God! 1735 01:14:00,144 --> 01:14:01,521 You're completely naked! 1736 01:14:01,679 --> 01:14:04,023 - Hi, Becky! - God, your bush is huge. 1737 01:14:04,182 --> 01:14:05,889 - You look tall. - No, ma'am. 1738 01:14:06,050 --> 01:14:08,462 I told you to stay away from these bitches. 1739 01:14:08,720 --> 01:14:10,859 Alice, seriously, are you tripping? 1740 01:14:11,022 --> 01:14:12,010 No. God, no. 1741 01:14:12,090 --> 01:14:14,263 Why would say that? Just because everything feels really soft? 1742 01:14:14,559 --> 01:14:16,163 Please. Just tell me the truth. 1743 01:14:16,327 --> 01:14:17,397 Are you on drugs? 1744 01:14:18,229 --> 01:14:19,674 We're super fucked up. Yeah. 1745 01:14:19,831 --> 01:14:20,852 What? 1746 01:14:20,932 --> 01:14:23,344 We started with ecstasy, but then I went into my mystery bags. 1747 01:14:23,501 --> 01:14:24,878 Why the fuck would you do that? 1748 01:14:25,036 --> 01:14:26,257 Don't you judge me, David. 1749 01:14:26,337 --> 01:14:28,092 I don't think you're supposed to go into the mystery bag... 1750 01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:29,243 the night before the wedding. 1751 01:14:29,409 --> 01:14:31,548 We brought you here because we thought you were nice girls. 1752 01:14:31,711 --> 01:14:33,554 But Mike was right about you two. 1753 01:14:33,713 --> 01:14:35,954 This whole wedding weekend is just going to shit! 1754 01:14:36,116 --> 01:14:37,925 Dave, I'll be honest with you. 1755 01:14:38,084 --> 01:14:39,222 I need some clothes. 1756 01:14:40,253 --> 01:14:41,732 I can't continue to wear this horse. 1757 01:14:41,888 --> 01:14:43,424 Oh, my God. 1758 01:14:43,957 --> 01:14:45,265 Oh, the wind feels so nice. 1759 01:14:45,425 --> 01:14:47,299 Come on, come on, come on. 1760 01:14:48,661 --> 01:14:52,552 We should go in the ocean. I'm so thirsty! Dave, we should get in the ocean. 1761 01:14:52,632 --> 01:14:55,789 Please, please, please, just be quiet. 1762 01:14:55,869 --> 01:14:57,357 I love this song. 1763 01:14:57,437 --> 01:14:58,780 There's no music playing. 1764 01:14:59,906 --> 01:15:00,907 Baby, wait. 1765 01:15:01,074 --> 01:15:02,985 Don't worry. Only our butts touched. 1766 01:15:03,143 --> 01:15:05,089 Stop it. Don't freak out anymore, Pumpkin! 1767 01:15:05,245 --> 01:15:07,282 Don't freak out? Don't freak out? 1768 01:15:07,480 --> 01:15:08,825 Tell me one thing. 1769 01:15:09,051 --> 01:15:10,257 Did you enjoy it? 1770 01:15:10,819 --> 01:15:12,423 No. 1771 01:15:13,388 --> 01:15:14,776 That is such a "yes" no. 1772 01:15:14,856 --> 01:15:15,911 No. 1773 01:15:15,991 --> 01:15:18,380 I'm gonna ask you again. Did you enjoy it? 1774 01:15:18,460 --> 01:15:19,448 Yes! Oh. 1775 01:15:19,528 --> 01:15:20,563 Well... 1776 01:15:20,829 --> 01:15:22,399 Cat's out of the frigging bag, isn't it? 1777 01:15:22,564 --> 01:15:24,475 I went for a normal massage... 1778 01:15:24,633 --> 01:15:26,670 but Alice, she had asked for a little special treat. 1779 01:15:26,835 --> 01:15:28,746 And then it just kept coming, and coming, and coming, and... 1780 01:15:28,904 --> 01:15:31,009 Who are these fucking girls your brothers brought to this wedding? 1781 01:15:31,440 --> 01:15:33,977 You are clearly on drugs. 1782 01:15:34,142 --> 01:15:35,621 And we're getting married tomorrow! 1783 01:15:36,445 --> 01:15:38,288 I'm scared, Pumpkin. 1784 01:15:38,447 --> 01:15:39,687 Aren't you scared? 1785 01:15:39,848 --> 01:15:41,657 Well, yeah, now I am. 1786 01:15:42,184 --> 01:15:43,492 It's just that... 1787 01:15:44,186 --> 01:15:48,637 I'm just a little worried that you are... 1788 01:15:50,160 --> 01:15:51,161 boring. 1789 01:15:52,696 --> 01:15:54,039 What are you saying? 1790 01:15:54,198 --> 01:15:55,404 You don't want to marry me? 1791 01:16:06,276 --> 01:16:07,550 Well... 1792 01:16:07,711 --> 01:16:09,315 No, she doesn't mean that. She's just confused... 1793 01:16:09,480 --> 01:16:10,720 because she's just rolling super hard right now. 1794 01:16:10,881 --> 01:16:11,985 You rolled her! 1795 01:16:12,149 --> 01:16:14,220 - You're the roller! - I'm so sorry. 1796 01:16:14,384 --> 01:16:16,796 I was gonna draw Rum for you. But not anymore. 1797 01:16:16,954 --> 01:16:18,934 Everything is not irie, man! 1798 01:16:21,358 --> 01:16:23,964 You've made me so, so sad. 1799 01:16:26,531 --> 01:16:27,909 But a little bit mad. 1800 01:16:28,667 --> 01:16:30,078 But mostly just sad. 1801 01:16:31,070 --> 01:16:32,071 Oh! 1802 01:16:34,039 --> 01:16:35,347 - Dad! - Don't! 1803 01:16:35,508 --> 01:16:36,919 Mike, for once in your life... 1804 01:16:37,076 --> 01:16:40,057 please don't say a fucking word. 1805 01:17:04,503 --> 01:17:06,280 I hate them sometimes. 1806 01:17:06,440 --> 01:17:07,695 Fucking love them and they're dicks. 1807 01:17:07,775 --> 01:17:09,516 Sometimes I love them, sometimes I hate them. 1808 01:17:17,585 --> 01:17:18,586 Everything okay over there? 1809 01:17:18,753 --> 01:17:21,165 I can't find my other sock. It's pissing me off. 1810 01:17:24,058 --> 01:17:25,799 Did you take my sock, bro? 1811 01:17:25,960 --> 01:17:27,030 No. 1812 01:17:27,528 --> 01:17:29,906 I think you took my fucking sock, bro. 1813 01:17:31,532 --> 01:17:32,602 God damn it. 1814 01:17:32,733 --> 01:17:34,838 I can't believe Jeanie and Eric aren't getting married... 1815 01:17:34,969 --> 01:17:36,778 and it's all our fault. 1816 01:17:37,438 --> 01:17:40,419 It's slightly our fault. 1817 01:17:41,375 --> 01:17:43,321 It's totally our fault. Fuck. 1818 01:17:43,477 --> 01:17:45,823 We got selfish. We got distracted. 1819 01:17:47,417 --> 01:17:50,227 I don't think we were #DoingltForJeanie at all. 1820 01:17:50,386 --> 01:17:52,263 We weren't #DoingltForJeanie. 1821 01:17:52,422 --> 01:17:55,266 Our fucking little sister. Our little Jeanie Beanie Weanie. 1822 01:17:55,925 --> 01:17:57,802 She is Stanglita. 1823 01:17:57,961 --> 01:18:00,737 The one little girl we used to let into our Stang Hangs. 1824 01:18:00,897 --> 01:18:01,885 The Stangle Dangle. 1825 01:18:01,965 --> 01:18:03,501 The smallest plane in the Stangar. 1826 01:18:03,666 --> 01:18:04,804 Don't do it, dude. 1827 01:18:04,968 --> 01:18:06,276 We're supposed to be her protector. 1828 01:18:06,436 --> 01:18:07,972 Don't you cry. 1829 01:18:08,137 --> 01:18:09,138 We're supposed to look out for her. 1830 01:18:09,305 --> 01:18:10,477 Stop it. 1831 01:18:10,640 --> 01:18:13,587 We're supposed to be the two dudes that have her back no matter what. 1832 01:18:13,743 --> 01:18:15,188 If you start, I'm gonna start. 1833 01:18:15,345 --> 01:18:17,621 We broke up her marriage. 1834 01:18:20,416 --> 01:18:23,329 Of course I'm fucking doing it, man. We ruined Jeanie's wedding. 1835 01:18:23,486 --> 01:18:24,933 I'm doing it, too. 1836 01:18:25,490 --> 01:18:26,667 I hate it. 1837 01:18:39,537 --> 01:18:42,160 Oh, man, we fucked up this wedding. 1838 01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:43,241 Yeah. 1839 01:18:43,408 --> 01:18:45,581 We fucked it in the dick. 1840 01:18:46,912 --> 01:18:48,567 You know I don't like it when you say that. That's just... 1841 01:18:48,647 --> 01:18:51,355 I know, but we fucked it so hard. Fuck. 1842 01:18:51,449 --> 01:18:54,606 I think the reason we get ourselves into so much shit is... 1843 01:18:54,686 --> 01:18:56,757 we're always telling each other we're so awesome... 1844 01:18:57,022 --> 01:19:00,026 when we're definitely not being awesome. 1845 01:19:00,191 --> 01:19:01,499 That's deep. 1846 01:19:01,660 --> 01:19:03,471 Yeah, you know what? Um... 1847 01:19:05,065 --> 01:19:06,908 I wanted you to feel better... 1848 01:19:07,067 --> 01:19:09,240 and get your groove back... 1849 01:19:09,403 --> 01:19:12,543 but not all the way better to where... 1850 01:19:13,974 --> 01:19:15,976 you wouldn't need me anymore. 1851 01:19:16,143 --> 01:19:19,056 Because if you don't need me... 1852 01:19:20,547 --> 01:19:23,221 then nobody needs me, and, um... 1853 01:19:23,884 --> 01:19:27,161 Anyway, that's what I was thinking when I was knuckles deep into Cousin Terry. 1854 01:19:27,821 --> 01:19:29,767 Dude, we're always gonna need each other. 1855 01:19:30,390 --> 01:19:31,391 Okay. 1856 01:19:31,658 --> 01:19:35,701 Okay, here's the thing. I don't wanna stop being us. 1857 01:19:35,862 --> 01:19:37,933 But I think occasionally... 1858 01:19:38,098 --> 01:19:42,343 we should think about how we make other people feel. 1859 01:19:44,640 --> 01:19:45,628 Like Jeanie? 1860 01:19:45,708 --> 01:19:46,914 Yeah, like Jeanie. 1861 01:19:47,376 --> 01:19:49,083 - Oof. - Or like Eric. 1862 01:19:49,545 --> 01:19:50,580 Oh, fuck. 1863 01:19:50,746 --> 01:19:52,384 This feels fucking terrible. 1864 01:19:52,548 --> 01:19:54,755 This does not feel good. 1865 01:19:54,950 --> 01:19:57,692 Like, Dave's so special and... 1866 01:19:58,420 --> 01:20:00,798 He must be so mad at me. 1867 01:20:01,223 --> 01:20:02,293 Poor Mike. 1868 01:20:02,458 --> 01:20:05,803 He's less special, but I played him so hard. 1869 01:20:05,961 --> 01:20:07,406 They must be so mad at us! 1870 01:20:07,563 --> 01:20:09,770 They must hate us. Fuck! I would hate us. 1871 01:20:09,932 --> 01:20:11,741 I would fucking hate us! 1872 01:20:11,900 --> 01:20:14,244 I hate us, man. I hate us! 1873 01:20:14,403 --> 01:20:15,541 I hate us, too! 1874 01:20:15,704 --> 01:20:17,411 But you're the best, dude. I love you. 1875 01:20:17,573 --> 01:20:19,917 Don't lump yourself in with me. 1876 01:20:20,075 --> 01:20:21,555 I'm like a little troll... 1877 01:20:21,712 --> 01:20:24,488 who lives on nothing but river water and squirrel meats. 1878 01:20:24,648 --> 01:20:27,060 Your drawing? I could never do anything like that. 1879 01:20:27,218 --> 01:20:29,407 - So go. You go right now. - What? 1880 01:20:29,487 --> 01:20:30,541 Go! 1881 01:20:30,621 --> 01:20:34,000 Don't let your loser older brother hold you back. 1882 01:20:37,461 --> 01:20:38,804 You are not a loser. 1883 01:20:39,630 --> 01:20:41,132 Thanks, Dave. 1884 01:20:41,298 --> 01:20:42,800 Dude, you introduced me to the Ninja Turtles. 1885 01:20:42,967 --> 01:20:44,810 Taught me Donatello was a pussy. 1886 01:20:44,969 --> 01:20:46,846 That Raphael was actually dope... 1887 01:20:47,004 --> 01:20:48,984 because he didn't give a fuck what people thought. 1888 01:20:49,140 --> 01:20:50,414 He's cool, but rude. 1889 01:20:50,574 --> 01:20:51,814 Exactly. 1890 01:20:51,909 --> 01:20:54,014 When all those kids kicked at me and they called me "Moist"... 1891 01:20:54,111 --> 01:20:56,990 you stopped eating muffins at the school lunch for a year. 1892 01:20:57,148 --> 01:20:58,821 They were too moist. 1893 01:20:59,950 --> 01:21:01,863 Made you an easy target. 1894 01:21:02,021 --> 01:21:05,525 You're my brother. And I love you. 1895 01:21:05,691 --> 01:21:07,261 Heroes in a half shell. 1896 01:21:07,427 --> 01:21:08,531 Turtle power. 1897 01:21:13,599 --> 01:21:15,806 We're not going anywhere... 1898 01:21:15,968 --> 01:21:19,643 until our little sister, Jeanie Beanie Weanie... 1899 01:21:19,806 --> 01:21:21,513 is getting married. 1900 01:21:27,213 --> 01:21:28,453 You just killed the TV. 1901 01:21:28,981 --> 01:21:30,722 I was aiming for it. 1902 01:21:33,186 --> 01:21:35,996 We are such idiots. We are so stupid. 1903 01:21:36,155 --> 01:21:37,657 We ruined your whole wedding... 1904 01:21:37,824 --> 01:21:39,532 and we finally just realized that. 1905 01:21:39,693 --> 01:21:41,674 All right. Please just stop talking, okay? 1906 01:21:41,830 --> 01:21:45,004 Not another word. My head hurts so bad. 1907 01:21:45,166 --> 01:21:46,372 Jeanie, Eric. 1908 01:21:46,534 --> 01:21:49,242 We can't let you not get married just because we fucked everything up. 1909 01:21:49,404 --> 01:21:50,542 We love you so much, Jeanie. 1910 01:21:50,638 --> 01:21:52,709 We love you, Eric. We just want you guys to love each other. 1911 01:21:52,807 --> 01:21:54,308 - Just love each other. - That's it. 1912 01:21:55,877 --> 01:21:57,151 Jeanie, Eric. 1913 01:21:57,312 --> 01:21:58,814 We can't let you not get married. 1914 01:21:58,980 --> 01:22:00,584 Yeah. Just because we fucked everything up? 1915 01:22:00,748 --> 01:22:02,193 I mean, we want you guys to love each other. 1916 01:22:02,350 --> 01:22:03,351 Love each other. 1917 01:22:04,519 --> 01:22:07,398 Okay. This is bizarre, because we literally did that... 1918 01:22:07,555 --> 01:22:08,932 ...exact same thing. 1919 01:22:09,090 --> 01:22:10,728 We're even doing this hand motion. 1920 01:22:10,892 --> 01:22:12,064 Yeah, all that was ours. 1921 01:22:12,227 --> 01:22:14,264 The point is, this shit is all our fault. 1922 01:22:14,429 --> 01:22:16,067 No, it's our fault. 1923 01:22:16,231 --> 01:22:17,904 No, it's definitely our fault. 1924 01:22:18,066 --> 01:22:19,172 It is our fault for sure. 1925 01:22:19,336 --> 01:22:20,337 No, no, no. For real. 1926 01:22:20,504 --> 01:22:21,949 If anything, it's my fault. 1927 01:22:23,673 --> 01:22:25,277 Shh! Please stop. 1928 01:22:27,544 --> 01:22:31,651 Everyone shut the fuck up! 1929 01:22:32,315 --> 01:22:34,659 Jesus Hussein Christ. 1930 01:22:34,818 --> 01:22:36,764 God damn it! 1931 01:22:36,887 --> 01:22:39,163 Been trying to read this same paragraph... 1932 01:22:39,389 --> 01:22:40,677 for 20 minutes. 1933 01:22:40,757 --> 01:22:45,297 But you four fucking morons keep on fucking with my shit. 1934 01:22:45,996 --> 01:22:47,617 We've only been here for three minutes... 1935 01:22:47,697 --> 01:22:48,885 so those other 17 minutes... 1936 01:22:48,965 --> 01:22:50,153 - that's kind of on you... - Mike! 1937 01:22:50,233 --> 01:22:51,488 I'm using hyperbole. 1938 01:22:51,568 --> 01:22:54,412 I don't know what that means, and I think you know that I don't. 1939 01:22:54,538 --> 01:22:56,526 Mike, do me a favor. Shut the fuck up. 1940 01:22:56,606 --> 01:22:57,594 Go Eric. 1941 01:22:57,674 --> 01:22:58,730 Shut up too! 1942 01:22:58,810 --> 01:23:00,084 I mean, God damn it! 1943 01:23:00,245 --> 01:23:03,385 You're all self-absorbed, barely-functioning... 1944 01:23:03,949 --> 01:23:05,189 codependent weirdos! 1945 01:23:06,351 --> 01:23:07,659 - Yeah. - I know. 1946 01:23:07,753 --> 01:23:09,858 - That's pretty spot-on. - We just figured that out. 1947 01:23:10,022 --> 01:23:12,778 - Those are not good qualities. - We're gonna work on it. 1948 01:23:12,858 --> 01:23:14,847 - It's been a long time. - It's been so many years. 1949 01:23:14,927 --> 01:23:16,531 We're both very confused. 1950 01:23:16,628 --> 01:23:18,733 No, no. You're not confused. 1951 01:23:18,830 --> 01:23:20,953 You're just coming down off MDMA. 1952 01:23:21,033 --> 01:23:22,512 Sorry. Which I gave you. 1953 01:23:22,668 --> 01:23:25,342 And Eric, you can't blame her for anything she said last night. 1954 01:23:25,504 --> 01:23:28,280 I've done so much stupid shit on E. 1955 01:23:28,440 --> 01:23:31,011 I got so dehydrated that I was drinking puddle water... 1956 01:23:31,176 --> 01:23:32,348 and I had to go to the hospital... 1957 01:23:32,511 --> 01:23:35,117 'cause puddles are really dirty. 1958 01:23:35,314 --> 01:23:36,768 One time I was on peyote... 1959 01:23:36,848 --> 01:23:39,106 and I signed up for a T-Mobile plan. 1960 01:23:39,186 --> 01:23:40,941 One time I got high. 1961 01:23:41,021 --> 01:23:43,524 I read the back of a shampoo bottle for 13 hours. 1962 01:23:44,558 --> 01:23:45,713 Because it said "repeat." 1963 01:23:45,793 --> 01:23:47,329 - Rinse and repeat. - I get it. 1964 01:23:47,428 --> 01:23:50,466 Jeanie, I know you think that Eric can be boring... 1965 01:23:50,731 --> 01:23:53,337 Enough of this talk of boring! 1966 01:23:53,867 --> 01:23:54,922 Damn it! 1967 01:23:55,002 --> 01:23:59,212 Sixty percent of my investments are in some pretty aggressive stocks. 1968 01:23:59,340 --> 01:24:02,719 I don't always look both ways when I cross the street. 1969 01:24:02,876 --> 01:24:05,866 I've been known to have a second glass of wine... 1970 01:24:05,946 --> 01:24:07,768 with my dinner, every now and then. 1971 01:24:07,848 --> 01:24:09,503 I once went to see a movie... 1972 01:24:09,583 --> 01:24:12,072 walked across the hallway, saw a second movie. 1973 01:24:12,152 --> 01:24:13,460 Didn't pay till after. 1974 01:24:13,654 --> 01:24:14,826 Is that boring? 1975 01:24:15,322 --> 01:24:16,311 Is that boring? 1976 01:24:16,391 --> 01:24:17,547 - What'd you say? - Yeah. 1977 01:24:17,627 --> 01:24:19,163 - You're right. We were wrong. - That was pretty boring. 1978 01:24:19,595 --> 01:24:20,835 Well, how about this for boring? 1979 01:24:22,698 --> 01:24:24,439 Bam! 1980 01:24:24,933 --> 01:24:27,206 Two hot air balloon tickets for our honeymoon. 1981 01:24:27,336 --> 01:24:28,591 I know you really wanted to go... 1982 01:24:28,671 --> 01:24:31,550 so I got these tickets a while ago to surprise you. 1983 01:24:31,907 --> 01:24:33,750 Surprise. 1984 01:24:33,909 --> 01:24:36,014 Aww! 1985 01:24:36,245 --> 01:24:37,747 Baby, you're so afraid of heights. 1986 01:24:38,381 --> 01:24:40,827 - Baby, I'm fucking terrified of heights. - Yeah. 1987 01:24:41,250 --> 01:24:43,372 But my biggest fear... 1988 01:24:43,452 --> 01:24:45,591 is to not be the husband that you deserve. 1989 01:24:46,889 --> 01:24:49,768 Baby, I'm sorry I fucked so much of this up... 1990 01:24:50,459 --> 01:24:51,581 but I promise that masseuse... 1991 01:24:51,661 --> 01:24:53,649 He didn't touch my lavender juice box. 1992 01:24:53,729 --> 01:24:55,573 Oh, God, baby. I love you. 1993 01:24:56,134 --> 01:24:57,875 And I know I want to marry you. 1994 01:24:58,202 --> 01:25:01,115 Today, if you'll still have me. 1995 01:25:01,606 --> 01:25:04,052 Babe, of course. Are you kidding me? 1996 01:25:07,512 --> 01:25:08,499 Kiss her. 1997 01:25:08,579 --> 01:25:10,422 Baby, I'm crazy about you. 1998 01:25:22,894 --> 01:25:23,895 Aww! 1999 01:25:24,629 --> 01:25:26,131 I want to marry you right now... 2000 01:25:26,297 --> 01:25:28,243 but, baby, we already canceled all the vendors. 2001 01:25:28,733 --> 01:25:30,474 I don't think they're going to let us get married here. 2002 01:25:32,036 --> 01:25:33,106 Leave that to us. 2003 01:25:34,573 --> 01:25:36,212 Leave that to all of us. 2004 01:25:37,544 --> 01:25:38,682 - Yeah! - Let's go, Mike. 2005 01:25:39,312 --> 01:25:40,882 This way! Oh, fuck! 2006 01:25:41,314 --> 01:25:42,793 We'll actually just head around. 2007 01:25:43,049 --> 01:25:44,528 - Girl. - I'm good. 2008 01:25:44,818 --> 01:25:46,273 So what part you like, brah? 2009 01:25:46,353 --> 01:25:48,508 - We need the whole pig. - I can't give you a whole pig. 2010 01:25:48,588 --> 01:25:50,124 But we need to feed 100 people. 2011 01:25:50,590 --> 01:25:53,413 Could we please, please have the wedding here? 2012 01:25:53,493 --> 01:25:55,530 For the last time, we're out of venues. 2013 01:25:55,662 --> 01:25:58,006 - Hold me back. Hold me back, please. - What? 2014 01:25:58,264 --> 01:25:59,286 Give us a place! 2015 01:25:59,366 --> 01:26:01,141 Everybody out of the way! 2016 01:26:01,334 --> 01:26:02,989 It's hot. So hot! 2017 01:26:03,069 --> 01:26:04,571 - Out of the fucking way! - I want my pig back! 2018 01:26:05,338 --> 01:26:07,127 What if I supplied all the liquor... 2019 01:26:07,207 --> 01:26:09,195 for every bar in this hotel... 2020 01:26:09,275 --> 01:26:11,865 at wholesale prices for the next three years? 2021 01:26:11,945 --> 01:26:13,823 - Deal. - Yes! Fuck yes! 2022 01:26:14,015 --> 01:26:15,289 I'll get you guys a venue. 2023 01:26:29,264 --> 01:26:30,265 Keith, get it together. 2024 01:26:30,599 --> 01:26:31,771 We need to move, move, move. 2025 01:26:32,000 --> 01:26:33,070 I'm doing my best. 2026 01:26:36,738 --> 01:26:37,842 Hell yeah! 2027 01:26:55,793 --> 01:26:58,370 And now... a reading... 2028 01:26:59,029 --> 01:27:01,168 from the children's book that I got in the lobby. 2029 01:27:01,465 --> 01:27:03,103 - Oh. - "Aloha moon. 2030 01:27:03,500 --> 01:27:05,173 "Aloha sea. 2031 01:27:05,335 --> 01:27:06,712 "Aloha you. 2032 01:27:07,337 --> 01:27:08,407 "Aloha me." 2033 01:27:08,705 --> 01:27:10,275 - I do. - I do. 2034 01:27:10,474 --> 01:27:11,817 By the power vested in me... 2035 01:27:12,009 --> 01:27:15,547 by the website www.beyourowndeacon.com... 2036 01:27:16,480 --> 01:27:19,723 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 2037 01:27:20,017 --> 01:27:21,805 Those assholes kind of did it. 2038 01:27:21,885 --> 01:27:23,296 Yeah. 2039 01:27:23,620 --> 01:27:25,293 Those assholes kind of did. 2040 01:27:25,456 --> 01:27:26,643 You may kiss the bride. 2041 01:27:26,723 --> 01:27:28,245 Okay. Kiss the bride. 2042 01:27:28,325 --> 01:27:29,463 Kiss the bride. 2043 01:27:36,802 --> 01:27:37,803 Yeah! 2044 01:27:50,216 --> 01:27:51,837 - You designed this? - Yeah. 2045 01:27:51,917 --> 01:27:54,306 Insane. We're at a wedding, it's in the shape of a heart. 2046 01:27:54,386 --> 01:27:55,941 That was a really good idea. 2047 01:27:56,021 --> 01:27:57,557 I have so many good ideas. 2048 01:27:57,823 --> 01:28:00,497 At my last job, I was on fire with ideas. 2049 01:28:00,593 --> 01:28:02,766 Huh? Actually, I need a new partner... 2050 01:28:03,095 --> 01:28:06,304 because Dave is bailing on me to draw things. 2051 01:28:06,765 --> 01:28:08,267 Would you wanna... 2052 01:28:08,501 --> 01:28:09,946 maybe come work for me? 2053 01:28:10,269 --> 01:28:11,271 Really? 2054 01:28:11,539 --> 01:28:12,950 What do you know about liquor? 2055 01:28:13,407 --> 01:28:16,251 Um, only that it's delicious and I love it. 2056 01:28:16,377 --> 01:28:18,132 And those are the two things you need to know. 2057 01:28:18,212 --> 01:28:21,489 - You are hired. - Great. When do I start? 2058 01:28:21,682 --> 01:28:22,922 You can start right away... 2059 01:28:23,384 --> 01:28:25,830 but just know that there will be some late nights. 2060 01:28:25,920 --> 01:28:27,593 Keep it in your pants, okay? 2061 01:28:27,955 --> 01:28:29,457 If we're going to work together, let's just... 2062 01:28:29,891 --> 01:28:31,427 keep it professional. 2063 01:28:32,026 --> 01:28:33,096 Okay. 2064 01:28:33,227 --> 01:28:35,483 - We'll keep it professional, then. - Good. 2065 01:28:35,563 --> 01:28:36,551 - All right. - Good. 2066 01:28:36,631 --> 01:28:37,652 - Okay. - Okay. 2067 01:28:37,732 --> 01:28:38,719 - Okay. - Yeah. 2068 01:28:38,799 --> 01:28:40,278 - Are you sure? - I don't know. 2069 01:28:41,702 --> 01:28:42,806 What? 2070 01:28:44,438 --> 01:28:45,917 - What'd you say? - What? 2071 01:28:46,440 --> 01:28:48,613 Love me tender 2072 01:28:49,277 --> 01:28:51,122 Love me sweet 2073 01:28:53,116 --> 01:28:54,527 Never let me go 2074 01:28:58,621 --> 01:29:02,694 You have made my life complete 2075 01:29:06,796 --> 01:29:07,797 I don't. 2076 01:29:11,034 --> 01:29:12,843 Love me tender 2077 01:29:13,703 --> 01:29:15,307 Love me true 2078 01:29:17,340 --> 01:29:20,219 All my dreams fulfilled 2079 01:29:24,180 --> 01:29:27,491 For my darlin' I love you 2080 01:29:27,784 --> 01:29:29,595 Tatiana said this was gonna happen. 2081 01:29:29,854 --> 01:29:30,942 You got my groove back. 2082 01:29:31,022 --> 01:29:32,043 Really? 2083 01:29:32,123 --> 01:29:33,932 That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. 2084 01:29:40,932 --> 01:29:42,002 I like you. 2085 01:29:49,174 --> 01:29:50,529 Wait. There's people everywhere. 2086 01:29:50,609 --> 01:29:52,680 - Let them watch. - Mmm. Okay. 2087 01:29:55,013 --> 01:29:56,048 Whoa! 2088 01:29:56,581 --> 01:29:58,303 Hi, everyone. 2089 01:29:58,383 --> 01:30:00,795 Excuse us. Could we have your attention, please? 2090 01:30:02,187 --> 01:30:04,309 My husband and I... 2091 01:30:04,389 --> 01:30:08,113 want to thank four very incredible people... 2092 01:30:08,193 --> 01:30:09,970 for saving the day. 2093 01:30:10,263 --> 01:30:13,642 Mike and Dave have asked to say a few words... 2094 01:30:13,900 --> 01:30:15,689 so we would like to invite them up. 2095 01:30:15,769 --> 01:30:16,804 Come on, boys. 2096 01:30:18,572 --> 01:30:19,573 Thank you, Jeanie. 2097 01:30:20,207 --> 01:30:23,263 We never got to give our speech at the rehearsal dinner. 2098 01:30:23,343 --> 01:30:25,721 Because we ruined it. With fights. 2099 01:30:26,546 --> 01:30:28,082 But we just wanted everybody here to know... 2100 01:30:28,582 --> 01:30:30,084 exactly how we feel about you. 2101 01:30:30,550 --> 01:30:31,585 Lights. 2102 01:30:36,456 --> 01:30:38,562 Did you know this was coming? 2103 01:30:48,604 --> 01:30:53,075 You are so beautiful 2104 01:30:53,575 --> 01:30:56,021 So beautiful 2105 01:30:56,345 --> 01:30:57,346 Aww. 2106 01:30:59,281 --> 01:31:00,402 To me 2107 01:31:00,482 --> 01:31:01,586 Aww. 2108 01:31:02,651 --> 01:31:04,406 Can't you see? 2109 01:31:04,486 --> 01:31:06,193 You're so beautiful 2110 01:31:06,588 --> 01:31:08,158 This is real beautiful, man. 2111 01:31:08,457 --> 01:31:12,701 You're everything I hoped for 2112 01:31:13,095 --> 01:31:15,351 - In a little sister! - Oh! 2113 01:31:15,431 --> 01:31:19,188 You're everything I need 2114 01:31:19,268 --> 01:31:22,340 Everything that I need 2115 01:31:23,405 --> 01:31:24,816 They're kind of good. 2116 01:31:24,907 --> 01:31:26,682 You are so beautiful 2117 01:31:27,311 --> 01:31:28,585 As a couple. Right guys? 2118 01:31:29,246 --> 01:31:30,452 Oh! 2119 01:31:30,648 --> 01:31:31,718 To me 2120 01:31:33,150 --> 01:31:34,754 And to you. 2121 01:31:35,219 --> 01:31:36,755 And to you. To all of us. 2122 01:31:36,854 --> 01:31:38,333 You're beautiful, Jeanie! 2123 01:31:42,493 --> 01:31:43,972 Dave, everybody. 2124 01:31:44,495 --> 01:31:46,031 He's gonna draw! 2125 01:31:46,363 --> 01:31:47,603 Love you! 2126 01:31:48,899 --> 01:31:50,003 So sweet. 2127 01:31:50,267 --> 01:31:51,889 Thought they were gonna blow it. They did not. 2128 01:31:51,969 --> 01:31:52,970 That's good. 2129 01:31:53,337 --> 01:31:56,011 This is how we do it 2130 01:31:57,975 --> 01:31:59,648 This is how we do it 2131 01:32:02,680 --> 01:32:04,853 This is how we do it 2132 01:32:05,182 --> 01:32:07,095 This is how we do it 2133 01:32:07,286 --> 01:32:08,708 It's Friday night 2134 01:32:08,788 --> 01:32:09,789 Oh, you don't throw... 2135 01:32:09,889 --> 01:32:11,095 And I feel all right 2136 01:32:11,824 --> 01:32:14,147 The party's here on the west side 2137 01:32:14,227 --> 01:32:16,683 So I reach for my forty and I turn it up 2138 01:32:16,763 --> 01:32:18,970 Designated driver got the keys to my truck 2139 01:32:19,065 --> 01:32:21,204 - Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded - Faded 2140 01:32:21,300 --> 01:32:22,288 Honey on the streets saying 2141 01:32:22,368 --> 01:32:23,472 Monty, yo, we made it 2142 01:32:23,636 --> 01:32:25,758 I'm kinda buzzed and it's all because 2143 01:32:25,838 --> 01:32:27,681 This is how we do it 2144 01:32:27,774 --> 01:32:30,277 South Central does it like nobody does 2145 01:32:30,510 --> 01:32:32,031 This is how we do it 2146 01:32:32,111 --> 01:32:33,099 All right. 2147 01:32:33,179 --> 01:32:37,391 To all my neighbors, you got much flavor This is how we do it 2148 01:32:37,617 --> 01:32:40,894 # StangleBenoit2016. 2149 01:32:41,721 --> 01:32:43,598 Hell yeah! 2150 01:32:44,657 --> 01:32:45,933 Oh, God! 2151 01:32:46,327 --> 01:32:47,362 Well... 2152 01:32:48,696 --> 01:32:50,300 I picked a bad pose, guys. 2153 01:32:50,799 --> 01:32:51,834 Fireworks! 2154 01:32:52,901 --> 01:32:54,505 These are for you, Jeanie! 2155 01:32:55,670 --> 01:32:57,616 Fireworks close the show! 2156 01:32:59,674 --> 01:33:01,449 Those are from China, those fireworks. 2157 01:33:16,191 --> 01:33:18,501 You idiots! You fucking... 2158 01:33:31,341 --> 01:33:32,829 This is cool. 2159 01:33:32,909 --> 01:33:34,445 I didn't know you could do it this way. 2160 01:33:34,578 --> 01:33:35,921 Oh... 2161 01:33:38,715 --> 01:33:39,770 I'm done. 2162 01:33:39,850 --> 01:33:41,505 Fuck. Holy shit. 2163 01:33:41,585 --> 01:33:42,606 Okay. 2164 01:33:42,686 --> 01:33:44,188 That was great. Good job. 2165 01:33:58,501 --> 01:34:00,223 I'm so behind right now on Game of Thrones. 2166 01:34:00,303 --> 01:34:03,729 I don't even know what's happening with Khaleesi and her Dothraki boyfriend. 2167 01:34:03,809 --> 01:34:06,653 Okay. Well he's dead, and so is Jon Snow. 2168 01:34:06,745 --> 01:34:07,866 Jon Snow? 2169 01:34:07,946 --> 01:34:09,823 Fuck that dude. I'm taller than him anyways. 2170 01:34:09,948 --> 01:34:11,427 Saw him. 2171 01:34:12,184 --> 01:34:15,594 I just found out some spelunker went dunkin' in your bunker. 2172 01:34:17,189 --> 01:34:20,345 You are fresh as a fucking dick in the morning. 2173 01:34:20,425 --> 01:34:21,914 That's not that fresh. 2174 01:34:21,994 --> 01:34:24,406 Have you ever sucked a dick in the morning? 2175 01:34:24,830 --> 01:34:27,252 I brush my teeth with dick, girl. 2176 01:34:27,332 --> 01:34:29,708 - Alright... - What? 2177 01:34:29,801 --> 01:34:31,473 Oh. Fox don't like that joke? 2178 01:34:33,071 --> 01:34:35,278 I'm gonna throw up. You look like meat! 2179 01:34:35,374 --> 01:34:36,853 Inner dialogue, inner dialogue. 2180 01:34:36,975 --> 01:34:38,497 I once got lockjaw so bad 2181 01:34:38,577 --> 01:34:40,250 that I was sucking a homeless man's thumb. 2182 01:34:40,345 --> 01:34:41,867 Dave actually had to come get me from the hospital... 2183 01:34:41,947 --> 01:34:45,739 because they found 13 Pokemon pugs and a skimmer... 2184 01:34:45,819 --> 01:34:47,196 shoved up my butthole. 2185 01:34:47,388 --> 01:34:49,732 I just had to wait to poop them out. 2186 01:34:50,391 --> 01:34:51,995 Pikachu. 2187 01:34:52,559 --> 01:34:53,765 Pikachu. 2188 01:34:54,428 --> 01:34:55,634 Charmander. 2189 01:34:55,996 --> 01:34:59,875 That's okay. No, no. Keep your dick in. 2190 01:35:01,602 --> 01:35:03,891 For most of my life, I thought goat cheese... 2191 01:35:03,971 --> 01:35:07,009 was a slang term for cheese that's gone bad. 2192 01:35:07,107 --> 01:35:10,364 I'd see moldy cheese and I'd be, like, "Dude, that cheese is goat." 2193 01:35:10,444 --> 01:35:12,253 Like, "Get that goat cheese off the counter." 2194 01:35:12,479 --> 01:35:15,035 You look like a deconstructed taco. 2195 01:35:15,115 --> 01:35:16,150 Like carnival food. 2196 01:35:16,283 --> 01:35:19,264 Like the waffle that the chef would just go, "We're throwing that away." 2197 01:35:19,386 --> 01:35:21,393 What are we doing? 2198 01:35:43,746 --> 01:35:46,590 And the home 2199 01:35:48,150 --> 01:35:51,222 Of the 2200 01:35:53,155 --> 01:35:56,227 Brave 2201 01:35:58,728 --> 01:36:00,173 Play ball, Mike. 2202 01:36:06,137 --> 01:36:08,259 You know we saw my nigga 2203 01:36:08,339 --> 01:36:10,795 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2204 01:36:10,875 --> 01:36:13,464 Stang life, getting rich Selling fucking liquor quick 2205 01:36:13,544 --> 01:36:15,820 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2206 01:36:15,913 --> 01:36:18,870 Stang life I will never die I'm a Stangle, bitch 2207 01:36:18,950 --> 01:36:21,572 Hunchback of Notre D on the B 2208 01:36:21,652 --> 01:36:24,709 Flying fucking girls to my sister's wedding at the beach 2209 01:36:24,789 --> 01:36:28,532 Now we in first class seats Couldn't hold me back, G 2210 01:36:28,993 --> 01:36:33,351 Jeanie Stangie being wild Sippin' Cristal, sippin', sippin' Cristal 2211 01:36:33,431 --> 01:36:34,519 Sippin', sippin' Cristal 2212 01:36:34,599 --> 01:36:36,408 Jeanie, Jeanie, Jeanie Beanie Weanie 2213 01:36:36,534 --> 01:36:39,524 Gettin' married with Eric Guaranteed he's got a big, big weenie 2214 01:36:39,604 --> 01:36:42,896 I'm proud of my little sister Proud that she got a wedding ring 2215 01:36:42,976 --> 01:36:46,433 And a necklace, Eric you're my brother now So that means I'm kinda black 2216 01:36:46,513 --> 01:36:48,322 Oh, wait. Not really. I'm white, man. 2217 01:36:48,415 --> 01:36:50,070 I'm just happy to be related to you, honestly. 2218 01:36:50,150 --> 01:36:51,371 - Shout out to Eric. - Eric! 2219 01:36:51,451 --> 01:36:53,773 I be like Superman, let me out the cage 2220 01:36:53,853 --> 01:36:56,076 I got out of my cast and I flipped the page 2221 01:36:56,156 --> 01:36:58,745 And now I'm drawing comic books like I used to do 2222 01:36:58,825 --> 01:37:02,248 Kinda cool, Little sister Jeanie getting married too 2223 01:37:02,328 --> 01:37:04,651 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2224 01:37:04,731 --> 01:37:07,287 Stang life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2225 01:37:07,367 --> 01:37:09,756 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2226 01:37:09,836 --> 01:37:12,625 Stan g life I will never die, I'm a Stangle, bitch 2227 01:37:12,705 --> 01:37:14,728 Yeah, we put the wedding back together 2228 01:37:14,808 --> 01:37:17,482 First we broke it up but we made it better 2229 01:37:18,044 --> 01:37:20,669 Nobody makes fun of me in any way 2230 01:37:20,749 --> 01:37:23,730 'Cause I got Mike by my side, and you know what he say 2231 01:37:23,885 --> 01:37:26,308 Scoliosis, now I'm fucking yo bitch 2232 01:37:26,388 --> 01:37:28,944 Scoliosis, now I'm fuckin' two chicks 2233 01:37:29,024 --> 01:37:31,413 Scoliosis, vroom vroom vroom 2234 01:37:31,493 --> 01:37:33,648 Comin' through the jungle at you like boom 2235 01:37:33,728 --> 01:37:36,284 Mike and Dave Stangle on the ATV 2236 01:37:36,364 --> 01:37:38,887 - We're gonna die - It's my girls and me 2237 01:37:38,967 --> 01:37:40,913 My crew and us, we just cruisin' 2238 01:37:41,069 --> 01:37:44,092 Doin' fuckin' backflips off jumps guaranteed 2239 01:37:44,172 --> 01:37:45,845 Ran over my sister's face 2240 01:37:46,007 --> 01:37:47,315 - It was kinda wack - My bad 2241 01:37:47,476 --> 01:37:49,598 But you know what? We came back from that 2242 01:37:49,678 --> 01:37:51,867 You're getting married now and it's okay 2243 01:37:51,947 --> 01:37:54,603 You're soiurassic, you're so fantastic 2244 01:37:54,683 --> 01:37:56,772 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2245 01:37:56,852 --> 01:37:59,376 Stan g life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2246 01:37:59,456 --> 01:38:01,979 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2247 01:38:02,059 --> 01:38:03,834 Stang life, I will never die 2248 01:38:03,927 --> 01:38:05,249 I'm a Stangle, bitch 2249 01:38:05,329 --> 01:38:07,366 My boy Dave, puttin' pen to paper 2250 01:38:08,532 --> 01:38:10,569 Trying to get this damn label off 2251 01:38:11,268 --> 01:38:12,611 Like Aftermath? 2252 01:38:13,303 --> 01:38:15,305 Vanilla Ice remodeled my house 2253 01:38:15,506 --> 01:38:17,928 Told Dave and I we should start rappin' 2254 01:38:18,008 --> 01:38:21,012 My brother's the best white rapper ...Eminem!