1 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:17,784 Of all the wonderful things in life you can find 2 00:00:17,879 --> 00:00:20,880 They all can be yours with the right frame of mind 3 00:00:20,966 --> 00:00:24,169 -Just look and you'll find - No run, no lie 4 00:00:24,261 --> 00:00:27,713 - There are no secrets to hide - No run, no lie 5 00:00:27,806 --> 00:00:31,258 Leave your problems behind Leave your problems behind 6 00:00:31,352 --> 00:00:34,057 No worry, friends No worry 7 00:00:45,617 --> 00:00:47,491 Yuck! 8 00:00:47,577 --> 00:00:49,617 Eww! 9 00:00:49,705 --> 00:00:51,329 Swim trunks are loaded with detergents.... 10 00:00:51,415 --> 00:00:53,408 and other hazardous chemicals that could be harmful to fish. 11 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,244 Ow! Ah! 12 00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,458 Hi, Allison. 13 00:01:46,182 --> 00:01:49,551 -Just quit my job at the aquarium. - Heard you got fired. 14 00:01:49,644 --> 00:01:52,847 Yeah. Aquarium's totally changed, but don't worry about me. 15 00:01:52,939 --> 00:01:55,228 I'll be fine. You know, I got a lot of great offers. 16 00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:58,021 You know, things are really starting to happen for me. 17 00:01:58,111 --> 00:02:00,863 - I was thinking, maybe later, if you weren't doing.. - No. 18 00:02:00,947 --> 00:02:03,189 I mean, uh, if you're.. when you're not workin'.. 19 00:02:03,283 --> 00:02:04,659 I don't think so. 20 00:02:06,161 --> 00:02:09,079 Okay, I guess I'll just, you know, take some sea snails and be on my way. 21 00:02:16,798 --> 00:02:19,633 No, no, a little lower. The ones on the bottom. 22 00:02:38,738 --> 00:02:41,407 Uh.. Have a good nipple. 23 00:03:08,728 --> 00:03:12,097 Colour me your colour, baby 24 00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:15,524 Colour me your car 25 00:03:15,610 --> 00:03:18,896 Colour me your colour, darling 26 00:03:18,989 --> 00:03:22,524 I know who you are 27 00:03:22,618 --> 00:03:27,861 - Come up off your colour chart - Ah, you have beautiful skin, baby. 28 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:31,290 Get some olive oil, rub it all over you. 29 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,500 We'll have a good time, huh? 30 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:36,546 - Oh, yeah? - Oh, yeah. 31 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,879 Let's get him out of there. 32 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:57,940 Oh! Oh, Antoine! Yeah! 33 00:03:59,532 --> 00:04:00,907 Yes! 34 00:04:17,259 --> 00:04:19,750 Try to keep your goldfish in this bowl. 35 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,882 If you like, I could stick around for a while. 36 00:04:26,644 --> 00:04:28,388 Every kid needs a father. 37 00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:43,285 What the hell? 38 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,759 What the hell are you doing? 39 00:05:05,853 --> 00:05:07,845 There's a mongrel koi in there. 40 00:05:07,938 --> 00:05:10,227 It's the most dangerous of all goldfish. 41 00:05:11,776 --> 00:05:14,101 Do you have any ice? 42 00:05:14,195 --> 00:05:16,816 Hey! Shoes off, huh? 43 00:05:16,906 --> 00:05:19,694 Respect the 1 8th-century Persian carpet. 44 00:05:23,705 --> 00:05:27,039 Whoa! What are those? 45 00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:29,581 Medieval weapons. I'm a collector. 46 00:05:31,338 --> 00:05:33,912 They're worth twice as much If they've killed somebody. 47 00:05:37,929 --> 00:05:40,254 I collect Canadian quarters. 48 00:05:40,348 --> 00:05:42,590 I got about six of them. 49 00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:50,435 Would you like anything to drink? 50 00:05:50,525 --> 00:05:52,352 I wouldn't mind a glass of.. 51 00:05:52,444 --> 00:05:55,149 Whoa. What is that? 52 00:05:55,239 --> 00:05:59,189 Is that a custom Living Colour, anti-glare, retractable-top tank? 53 00:05:59,285 --> 00:06:02,405 - I'm not sure. - It is. 54 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,489 They assemble each one of these by hand. 55 00:06:04,582 --> 00:06:08,450 Whoa. Chinese tail bar lionfish. He's a beauty. 56 00:06:08,545 --> 00:06:11,581 That's an $800 fish! 57 00:06:11,673 --> 00:06:14,460 - Try a grand. - Well, then you overpaid. 58 00:06:18,805 --> 00:06:20,845 Hey, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy. 59 00:06:20,933 --> 00:06:23,091 Hey, fishy, fishy, fishy. 60 00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:26,471 Hey, an Australian rainbow fish. 61 00:06:26,564 --> 00:06:29,648 You're not gonna wanna put him in there. 62 00:06:29,734 --> 00:06:33,601 - Oh, God! - Women love it. 63 00:06:33,696 --> 00:06:36,448 They find it erotic when they eat each other. 64 00:06:38,285 --> 00:06:40,408 Excuse me for a second, huh? 65 00:06:40,495 --> 00:06:42,571 Must make pee-pee. 66 00:06:57,639 --> 00:07:01,257 Antoine, hi. It's Regina. I'm flying in from Luxembourg tomorrow. 67 00:07:01,351 --> 00:07:04,387 I want you to be my driver. SwissAir, flight 12. 68 00:07:04,479 --> 00:07:07,599 Is itstill3,500? See you. Ciao. 69 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,730 I finally figured out how you pick up all these gorgeous women. 70 00:07:13,822 --> 00:07:16,574 - How's that? - You're a limo driver. 71 00:07:18,119 --> 00:07:19,862 Sometimes I am. 72 00:07:19,954 --> 00:07:22,196 So you just drive them back here and have sex with them? 73 00:07:22,290 --> 00:07:25,244 If they pay me enough, yes. 74 00:07:25,335 --> 00:07:28,004 What kind of limo service is that? 75 00:07:28,088 --> 00:07:31,005 Shouldn't you be taking them to fancy restaurants or the theatre? 76 00:07:32,884 --> 00:07:35,921 - I'm a gigolo. - A gigo-who? 77 00:07:37,473 --> 00:07:40,640 Women pay me to give them pleasure. 78 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,391 How'd you get that job? 79 00:07:47,483 --> 00:07:49,357 I just kind of fell into it. 80 00:07:50,987 --> 00:07:53,063 I'm gonna kill my guidance counsellor. 81 00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:03,830 Hey! Hey! Hey! 82 00:08:15,138 --> 00:08:17,214 Down! Bad dog! 83 00:08:26,024 --> 00:08:28,516 Hey, guys. Did you miss me? 84 00:08:35,034 --> 00:08:39,114 Well, there's been a slight delay in our move-to-the-beach plan. 85 00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:43,534 But don't worry. 86 00:08:48,131 --> 00:08:49,923 It's gonna happen. 87 00:08:55,055 --> 00:08:56,715 Hey, fish guy! 88 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,636 I think there's something wrong with my, uh... 89 00:09:01,729 --> 00:09:03,556 uh, duh, duh, big fish. 90 00:09:12,991 --> 00:09:15,613 PH is off. The nitrates are at a dangerous level. 91 00:09:15,702 --> 00:09:17,280 I can neutralize it. 92 00:09:17,371 --> 00:09:20,123 Oh, hey, fishy, fishy, fishy. 93 00:09:20,207 --> 00:09:23,457 They don't like that. 94 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,873 I think our little friend has Malawi bloat. 95 00:09:27,965 --> 00:09:31,132 - What the hell is that? - It's a gill disorder. 96 00:09:31,219 --> 00:09:33,212 Is it bad? 97 00:09:34,222 --> 00:09:36,215 - Could be fatal. - But is he gonna make it? 98 00:09:36,308 --> 00:09:40,388 He's in shock. I gave him some freeze-dried water fleas, but he's gotta wanna live. 99 00:09:40,479 --> 00:09:43,515 - The next 48 hours are critical. - Forty-eight hours? 100 00:09:43,607 --> 00:09:46,063 But I got to go to Switzerland for business. 101 00:09:46,151 --> 00:09:48,725 - I'll be gone for three weeks. - Well, cancel it. 102 00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:52,356 - You got a sick fish here, pal. - Hey, hey, what about you, huh? 103 00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:56,115 Sounds good, but I can't afford to go to Europe right now. My passport expired.. 104 00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:59,205 No, no. I mean you can stay here and look after my fish, huh? 105 00:09:59,290 --> 00:10:01,367 No, I've got a full bar, huh? 106 00:10:01,459 --> 00:10:04,911 Digital television. You're on the beach. 107 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,415 I don't know. I.. 108 00:10:14,432 --> 00:10:16,508 I would be honoured to care for your fish. 109 00:10:31,742 --> 00:10:33,533 Just remember. 110 00:10:33,619 --> 00:10:37,237 Don't use my car and don't answer my phone. 111 00:10:37,331 --> 00:10:39,905 No car, no phone. 112 00:10:40,001 --> 00:10:42,124 So I guess throwing a big beach party is out of the question, huh? 113 00:10:46,549 --> 00:10:49,254 This is a 1 4th-century Hungarian crossbow. 114 00:10:50,261 --> 00:10:53,381 It has killed a king and changed the history of Europe. 115 00:10:54,766 --> 00:10:57,139 You mess up anything in my apartment... 116 00:10:57,227 --> 00:11:00,063 I'll shove it up your ass. 117 00:11:01,231 --> 00:11:03,224 Have a good trip. 118 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,193 Come on, come on 119 00:11:17,082 --> 00:11:20,036 Women pay me to give them pleasure. 120 00:11:27,885 --> 00:11:29,676 Come on, come on 121 00:11:29,762 --> 00:11:32,514 And tell me why you're standing 122 00:11:32,598 --> 00:11:34,390 Come on, come on 123 00:11:34,475 --> 00:11:37,227 It must be Why you're demanding 124 00:11:37,312 --> 00:11:39,055 Come on, come on 125 00:11:42,150 --> 00:11:44,226 Come on, come on 126 00:11:45,445 --> 00:11:48,150 -And stop - I'm on the beach. 127 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,027 I mean, I open up my window, I got sand blowin' in my face. 128 00:11:51,118 --> 00:11:53,324 It's that crazy. I'd love to show it to you sometime. 129 00:11:53,412 --> 00:11:55,405 - No. - You really owe it yourself to see.. 130 00:11:55,498 --> 00:11:57,574 - No. - Hey! 131 00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,909 Try to get laid on your own time, pal. 132 00:12:00,002 --> 00:12:02,624 - Yeah, come on! - Let's go, pal. Really. 133 00:12:02,714 --> 00:12:04,790 I guess I'll just take some sea snails. 134 00:12:07,344 --> 00:12:10,179 You better give me some from the colder tank. 135 00:12:55,645 --> 00:12:57,187 Oh! 136 00:12:57,272 --> 00:12:59,977 Oh! Oh, yes! 137 00:13:00,066 --> 00:13:02,439 Oh! 138 00:13:02,527 --> 00:13:04,401 - Oh. - I've been bad. 139 00:13:04,488 --> 00:13:06,445 I've been really bad. 140 00:13:06,532 --> 00:13:09,901 Oh!Ah! 141 00:13:09,994 --> 00:13:12,117 But it was worth it. 142 00:13:13,956 --> 00:13:16,578 Hi. Would you like to buy some Girls of America cookies? 143 00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:20,167 - Don't hit me with that. - Could you come back later? 144 00:13:20,255 --> 00:13:23,838 - Ohh! - Eww! What are you watching? 145 00:13:25,218 --> 00:13:28,552 You're gross! You're a sick man, and I'm gonna tell! 146 00:13:28,639 --> 00:13:30,631 - Hit me with it again! - How much? 147 00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,131 Great. 148 00:14:45,846 --> 00:14:48,052 Hey, uh, Deuce, it's Antoine. 149 00:14:48,140 --> 00:14:51,177 I just realized I don't know you that well. 150 00:14:51,268 --> 00:14:53,142 To be honest, it's freaking me out a little. 151 00:14:53,229 --> 00:14:56,812 You just make sure you keep my apartment clean, or you will die! Bye-bye. 152 00:15:55,462 --> 00:15:57,336 Six thousand dollars? 153 00:15:57,422 --> 00:15:59,748 I know. It sucks. 154 00:15:59,841 --> 00:16:05,180 - Neil, where am I gonna get $6,000 in three weeks? - I don't know your budget. 155 00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:09,262 You may not want to blow your whole wad on this tank. 156 00:16:11,479 --> 00:16:13,388 I would. 157 00:16:13,481 --> 00:16:16,482 - Can I pay in instalments? - No. 158 00:16:16,568 --> 00:16:19,734 I'm up to my bicep in it, If you know what I mean. 159 00:16:20,864 --> 00:16:24,233 I'm not trying to flip you over and do you dry here. 160 00:16:24,326 --> 00:16:28,075 Look. Squat on it for a night, and let me know. 161 00:16:55,943 --> 00:16:58,481 - What? Hello? - Hi. 162 00:16:58,571 --> 00:17:03,032 I've been staring at your number For hours. I got it from a friend. 163 00:17:03,117 --> 00:17:06,866 Um, I'm not really supposed to use this phone. 164 00:17:06,955 --> 00:17:11,498 Why don't you come over? My address is 1235Radford Way. 165 00:17:11,585 --> 00:17:17,540 Actually, uh, I've.. I've got a lot of work to do here still. 166 00:17:17,633 --> 00:17:19,625 I'm naked. 167 00:17:20,678 --> 00:17:22,302 - Call me - Call me 168 00:17:22,388 --> 00:17:23,419 On the line 169 00:17:23,514 --> 00:17:27,049 Call me, call me any, anytime 170 00:17:27,143 --> 00:17:28,518 Call me 171 00:17:35,527 --> 00:17:40,272 Now there's my little German tourist. 172 00:17:41,617 --> 00:17:44,368 Is this it? Is this the whole outfit? 173 00:17:44,453 --> 00:17:46,410 It's perfect. 174 00:17:58,051 --> 00:18:02,096 Yes. Use the map. Use the map. 175 00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:12,519 "Vohrest der Statue of Liberty?" 176 00:18:12,608 --> 00:18:16,273 You should have stuck with the tour, Heinz. 177 00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,438 Now you'll have to pay the penalty. 178 00:18:20,116 --> 00:18:23,651 It's.. It's no problem. I'll just, um.. 179 00:18:24,496 --> 00:18:27,912 Let me slip on a few of these babies. 180 00:18:34,006 --> 00:18:37,007 - What was that? - I didn't hear anything. 181 00:18:37,092 --> 00:18:42,134 Now, come here, you naughty little sightseer. 182 00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:50,937 - Wait a second. I definitely heard something! - Oh, that's just Wolfy. 183 00:18:51,024 --> 00:18:55,236 He's been in there a while. Now, you concentrate and stay in character. 184 00:18:56,571 --> 00:18:59,442 Wolfy, settle down! 185 00:18:59,533 --> 00:19:02,451 Now, you just focus on your little Wiener schnitzel. 186 00:19:04,246 --> 00:19:06,916 I gotta get outta here. 187 00:19:06,999 --> 00:19:09,075 Don't worry. He never gets all the way through. 188 00:19:10,211 --> 00:19:12,453 Maybe you better go. 189 00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:18,219 Wolfy has got to stop doing this to Mommy's friends! 190 00:19:18,303 --> 00:19:21,174 Yes, he does. Yes, he does. 191 00:19:21,264 --> 00:19:24,930 He'll be all right for a while. Here, this is for you. It's all I could grab. 192 00:19:26,228 --> 00:19:28,517 - Did I bring you pleasure? - Not really. 193 00:19:28,606 --> 00:19:30,682 Y-Y-You better haul ass. 194 00:19:46,583 --> 00:19:48,659 Ten dollars? 195 00:19:51,213 --> 00:19:52,791 Yeah! 196 00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:04,261 Well, you can tell by the way I roll shorty 197 00:20:04,352 --> 00:20:06,890 That I'm a ladies' man A businessman 198 00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:08,558 I keep it intact Yo, Clef 199 00:20:08,648 --> 00:20:12,100 Do the track with John Play the mack while I pay the taxi 200 00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:14,317 Business as usual watchin' suspects 201 00:20:14,404 --> 00:20:17,074 - Steal my assets - Martini and two olives. 202 00:20:17,157 --> 00:20:20,194 - Drink sat the bar - Martini. Two olives. 203 00:20:21,328 --> 00:20:23,617 Any ladies need some entertainment tonight? 204 00:20:23,706 --> 00:20:25,782 He's kind of cute. 205 00:20:34,843 --> 00:20:36,919 Eight-fifty. 206 00:20:39,848 --> 00:20:42,719 - Eight dollars? - And fifty cents. 207 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,928 Well, how much just for a plain cranberry juice? 208 00:20:47,022 --> 00:20:48,647 Oh, uh, three dollars. 209 00:20:48,733 --> 00:20:50,809 I'll go for that. 210 00:20:55,448 --> 00:20:57,939 There you go. That's, uh, eleven-fifty. 211 00:20:59,828 --> 00:21:02,117 Uh, no, no. Perhaps you misunderstood me. 212 00:21:02,205 --> 00:21:05,372 I wish to cancel my original order Of the martini and two olives... 213 00:21:05,459 --> 00:21:09,373 and go for just the plain cranberry juice, by itself, for the three dollars. 214 00:21:09,463 --> 00:21:12,666 And I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. 215 00:21:12,758 --> 00:21:14,585 Uh, perhaps you don't understand. 216 00:21:14,677 --> 00:21:17,215 Uh, if you don't pay me now, I'm going to, uh... 217 00:21:17,305 --> 00:21:19,677 I'm gonna take this swizzle stick and, uh... 218 00:21:19,766 --> 00:21:21,924 I'll be shovin' that right up your pee hole. 219 00:21:22,018 --> 00:21:25,933 - Stayin' alive - So that was eleven-fiifty, right? 220 00:21:26,022 --> 00:21:27,682 - Right. - Okay. 221 00:21:27,774 --> 00:21:32,021 There's ten and six quarters. 222 00:21:32,112 --> 00:21:35,232 And, uh, tell you what. I'll go work on your tip. 223 00:21:43,416 --> 00:21:45,989 I couldn't help overhearing your Spanish. 224 00:21:46,085 --> 00:21:47,877 It's French. 225 00:21:50,006 --> 00:21:53,126 French. Nice people. May l? 226 00:21:53,218 --> 00:21:55,709 No.. 227 00:21:57,264 --> 00:21:58,343 Oop. 228 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,758 These leather seats. 229 00:22:01,852 --> 00:22:04,308 Would you like a martini or cranberry juice? 230 00:22:04,397 --> 00:22:05,939 No. 231 00:22:06,023 --> 00:22:08,016 Kinda celebrating tonight. 232 00:22:11,279 --> 00:22:13,604 Possible career change. 233 00:22:16,117 --> 00:22:19,985 - I'm pretty excited about it. - You wanna get outta here? 234 00:22:23,959 --> 00:22:25,370 Okay. I'm sorry. 235 00:22:26,962 --> 00:22:28,955 I mean, together. 236 00:22:40,268 --> 00:22:42,344 What happened to the carpet? 237 00:22:42,437 --> 00:22:45,937 Oh, it's, uh, one of those 1 8th-century wet rugs. 238 00:22:55,701 --> 00:22:58,239 Oh, that's certainly appreciated. 239 00:22:59,706 --> 00:23:01,782 Hey, whoa. 240 00:23:01,875 --> 00:23:04,330 Maybe we should take care Of a little business first. 241 00:23:05,629 --> 00:23:07,455 If you prefer. 242 00:23:07,547 --> 00:23:10,916 I don't have a set price or anything, but I have been getting ten dollars. 243 00:23:12,636 --> 00:23:15,306 - I'm sorry? - Well, that's my going rate. 244 00:23:15,389 --> 00:23:18,058 But I'm willing to negotiate. 245 00:23:19,894 --> 00:23:23,808 That's funny. But the price is 500. 246 00:23:23,898 --> 00:23:26,852 You're gonna pay me $500? 247 00:23:26,943 --> 00:23:29,516 No, honey, you pay me. 248 00:23:31,656 --> 00:23:34,942 Oh, I get it. This is some kind of role reversal. 249 00:23:35,035 --> 00:23:38,700 I'll play along with this. Okay, 300, 400, 500. 250 00:23:38,789 --> 00:23:40,580 You're my hooker. 251 00:23:40,666 --> 00:23:42,742 No, seriously, where's my ten dollars? 252 00:23:42,835 --> 00:23:46,286 Look, asshole, I didn't come all the way down here for nothin'. 253 00:23:46,380 --> 00:23:50,248 Now, give me my $500! 254 00:23:50,343 --> 00:23:52,715 You give me ten dollars! 255 00:23:53,471 --> 00:23:55,630 500, now! 256 00:23:57,559 --> 00:23:59,765 You pay me ten dollars. 257 00:24:02,314 --> 00:24:04,686 Nice. Oh! 258 00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:17,989 Is that all you got? 259 00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:33,179 Ten dollars! 260 00:24:48,321 --> 00:24:50,314 No! Please, don't! 261 00:24:50,407 --> 00:24:53,361 Five hundred dollars, or the fish gets it. 262 00:24:53,452 --> 00:24:55,777 Let's talk about this. 263 00:25:03,838 --> 00:25:08,381 - Why do you have a picture of Antoine? - Well, this is his place. I'm watchin' his fish for him. 264 00:25:13,598 --> 00:25:16,635 Please, don't tell him about the shoes, huh? 265 00:25:36,456 --> 00:25:40,786 - Excuse me. Can I help you? - Oh, my God. 266 00:25:42,087 --> 00:25:44,293 I'm lookin' at a dead man. 267 00:25:44,381 --> 00:25:48,082 You know, Claire told me that Antoine's place was messed up... 268 00:25:48,177 --> 00:25:50,846 but I had no idea. 269 00:25:50,930 --> 00:25:53,884 - Claire? - The hooker you ass-punched. 270 00:25:53,975 --> 00:25:56,382 That was a misunderstanding... 271 00:25:56,477 --> 00:26:01,140 and I intend to have everything fiixed by the time Antoine gets back. 272 00:26:01,232 --> 00:26:04,483 I'm just.. just a little strapped for cash right now. 273 00:26:05,612 --> 00:26:07,320 Maybe there's something we could work out. 274 00:26:07,406 --> 00:26:10,111 Claire mentioned that you dabbled in harlotry. 275 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,489 - I'm sorry? - You a man-whore. 276 00:26:12,578 --> 00:26:15,247 -Well, I tried that for a couple hours.. -See this ring? 277 00:26:15,331 --> 00:26:17,158 Topaz. That's my mother's birthstone. 278 00:26:17,249 --> 00:26:19,622 Got that from man-whorin'. 279 00:26:19,710 --> 00:26:21,750 See this key chain? That's right. 280 00:26:21,838 --> 00:26:24,792 Mini yo-yo. Know how I got the money for that? 281 00:26:24,883 --> 00:26:26,626 - Man-whorin'? - Stock market. 282 00:26:26,718 --> 00:26:29,636 But I got the money for the stock market from man-whorin'... 283 00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:33,090 and representin' man-whores like yourself. 284 00:26:34,351 --> 00:26:38,431 - So, you're a pimp? - T.J. don't consider himself no pimp. 285 00:26:38,522 --> 00:26:40,978 More of a male madam. 286 00:26:43,361 --> 00:26:45,768 That wasn't too well thought out. 287 00:26:45,863 --> 00:26:49,908 Look at this proud fish. It's like a coyote. King of the jungle. 288 00:26:49,993 --> 00:26:52,745 Just like Antoine. He don't need no pimp. 289 00:26:54,331 --> 00:26:56,703 Now look at this mid-level fish here. 290 00:26:56,792 --> 00:27:00,042 Works hotels, conventions, senior centres. 291 00:27:00,128 --> 00:27:03,248 I represent several man-whores at this level of the game. 292 00:27:04,550 --> 00:27:06,958 Now look at this little fella. 293 00:27:07,052 --> 00:27:11,051 At the bottom, tryin' to get busy with the scuba man. 294 00:27:11,140 --> 00:27:13,928 You know, if you work hard and listen to me... 295 00:27:15,061 --> 00:27:17,517 this could be you. 296 00:27:17,605 --> 00:27:21,022 Well, thanks, but I already have a job. 297 00:27:22,569 --> 00:27:25,903 - I clean fish tanks. - You ever make $1 50 cleanin' fish tanks? 298 00:27:25,989 --> 00:27:28,278 - A hundred and fiifty dollars? - Yeah. 299 00:27:28,367 --> 00:27:29,945 Fish ain't gonna pay for all this. 300 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,406 I don't know. 301 00:27:35,499 --> 00:27:37,788 You know, Antoine's got a bad temper. 302 00:27:37,877 --> 00:27:40,285 Remember once I dropped a cigar ash on his rug. 303 00:27:41,589 --> 00:27:44,793 He made me pick it up with my anus. 304 00:27:47,095 --> 00:27:50,132 Well, maybe I could do a couple jobs... 305 00:27:50,224 --> 00:27:52,845 just to get this place fiixed up. 306 00:28:05,448 --> 00:28:07,571 We got a lot of work to do. 307 00:28:16,627 --> 00:28:18,785 I believe in miracles 308 00:28:20,547 --> 00:28:22,421 Where you from 309 00:28:22,508 --> 00:28:25,628 You sexy thing Sexy thing, you 310 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,926 I believe in miracles 311 00:28:29,390 --> 00:28:31,597 Since you came along 312 00:28:31,684 --> 00:28:34,010 You sexy thing 313 00:29:01,883 --> 00:29:03,959 You a man-whore now. 314 00:29:05,137 --> 00:29:08,304 - I'm so proud. - Thanks, T.J. 315 00:29:08,390 --> 00:29:10,597 Now, remember, it's business. 316 00:29:11,727 --> 00:29:13,886 Never, ever fall in love. 317 00:29:37,838 --> 00:29:39,914 I'm upstairs! 318 00:29:58,110 --> 00:30:01,811 Okay, Deuce, don't fall in love. 319 00:30:13,626 --> 00:30:16,996 I know what you're thinkin'. 320 00:30:17,088 --> 00:30:21,466 You're thinkin' those are the biggest boobies you've ever seen. 321 00:30:21,551 --> 00:30:23,461 Can I please use your phone? 322 00:30:23,554 --> 00:30:25,677 I'm not your average woman. 323 00:30:25,764 --> 00:30:29,133 I like sex, and I'm not afraid to admit.. 324 00:30:33,648 --> 00:30:35,687 Excuse me. I just had pudding an hour ago. 325 00:30:35,775 --> 00:30:40,318 - Dear God! - You ever parked your bicycle in an aeroplane hangar? 326 00:30:40,405 --> 00:30:44,189 - I'm sorry? - You ever thrown an toothpick... 327 00:30:44,284 --> 00:30:45,862 into a volcano? 328 00:30:45,952 --> 00:30:49,072 - What? - Oh, nothin'. 329 00:30:49,164 --> 00:30:53,458 Just makin' idle chit-chat. Are you comfortable? 330 00:30:53,544 --> 00:30:56,331 - Actually, no. - Ooh. 331 00:30:56,422 --> 00:31:00,005 I'm sweatin'. You're gettin' me all hot. 332 00:31:01,177 --> 00:31:04,214 - You don't like my hair, do you? - I think there's been a mistake. 333 00:31:04,305 --> 00:31:07,057 - Did you say "steak"? - No mistake. 334 00:31:07,142 --> 00:31:09,680 - Oh, see, now you got me all excited. - Look, I'm gay. 335 00:31:11,104 --> 00:31:14,271 - Well, how gay are you? - Very, very gay. 336 00:31:14,358 --> 00:31:16,434 You must have dialled the Very Gay Escort Service. 337 00:31:16,527 --> 00:31:19,978 Oh, shit. See, sometimes my fingers swell up... 338 00:31:20,072 --> 00:31:22,694 and I can't cleanly hit the numbers. 339 00:31:22,783 --> 00:31:25,156 They should make a phone for full-figured girls. 340 00:31:25,244 --> 00:31:28,162 - They should. - So... 341 00:31:28,248 --> 00:31:30,324 what do we do? 342 00:31:33,795 --> 00:31:37,876 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 343 00:31:37,966 --> 00:31:41,335 Cakes and Pies. Cakes and Pies! 344 00:31:41,428 --> 00:31:44,346 Okay, which pie has the most sugar? 345 00:31:44,431 --> 00:31:48,761 - Peach cobbler. - You win again. That's four games to one. 346 00:31:48,853 --> 00:31:51,771 Well, fast food trivia is my game, honey. 347 00:31:54,484 --> 00:31:58,482 I must tell you, nobody has ever pleasured Jabba the Slut. 348 00:31:58,572 --> 00:32:00,648 Deucey, you have a way of satisfying a woman... 349 00:32:00,740 --> 00:32:02,817 that would sicken a normal man. 350 00:32:02,909 --> 00:32:04,902 I can't do this any more. 351 00:32:04,995 --> 00:32:07,367 You must have a magical "man-gina." 352 00:32:07,456 --> 00:32:09,579 - Huh? - "Man-gina." 353 00:32:09,667 --> 00:32:14,578 It's a professional term we man-whores use to describe our he-pussy. 354 00:32:14,672 --> 00:32:16,795 I'm not one of your man-whores. 355 00:32:16,883 --> 00:32:18,377 Okay? I quit. 356 00:32:18,468 --> 00:32:20,959 You ungrateful he-bitch. 357 00:32:21,054 --> 00:32:23,130 How 'bout I get Antoine on the phone in Switzerland... 358 00:32:23,223 --> 00:32:26,259 and tell him how you redecorated his poon palace? 359 00:32:26,351 --> 00:32:29,305 I'm not an ungrateful he-bitch. 360 00:32:29,396 --> 00:32:31,555 Just give me a minute to think here. 361 00:32:58,260 --> 00:33:00,169 Thanks. 362 00:33:00,262 --> 00:33:02,718 - How's it going? - Pretty good. 363 00:33:02,807 --> 00:33:05,843 - Hey, Dad, let me ask you a question. - And what's that, son? 364 00:33:05,935 --> 00:33:09,102 Do you think it's wrong for a man to accept money from a woman... 365 00:33:09,188 --> 00:33:11,893 to, you know, show her a good time? 366 00:33:11,983 --> 00:33:14,142 I was just thinking about that this morning. 367 00:33:14,235 --> 00:33:18,280 The idea of a man-whore is a relatively new idea. 368 00:33:20,951 --> 00:33:22,742 - Cologne? - No, thanks. 369 00:33:23,746 --> 00:33:27,115 These women are looking for something more than just sex. 370 00:33:27,208 --> 00:33:29,877 - They want romance. - What do you mean? 371 00:33:31,254 --> 00:33:33,543 Well, it was like when I met your mom. 372 00:33:33,631 --> 00:33:35,291 God rest her soul. 373 00:33:35,383 --> 00:33:38,088 I didn't have so much as a toilet to clean. 374 00:33:38,178 --> 00:33:42,389 Still, I wasn't going to pay her a dime for sex, no matter what she was charging. 375 00:33:42,474 --> 00:33:44,016 What? 376 00:33:44,101 --> 00:33:47,801 Well, your mom could have had any man she wanted in that strip club... 377 00:33:47,896 --> 00:33:51,811 and this being my first time in Bangkok, I was looking for a good time myself. 378 00:33:51,901 --> 00:33:54,143 - You met Mom where? - Oh, it's not important. 379 00:33:54,236 --> 00:33:56,858 The thing is, she saw something in me... 380 00:33:56,948 --> 00:33:59,486 beyond the 200 baht.. 381 00:33:59,575 --> 00:34:01,402 a man with an eye for adventure... 382 00:34:01,494 --> 00:34:04,199 who wasn't afraid to risk it all. 383 00:34:04,289 --> 00:34:06,365 Dad, are.. are you saying that.. 384 00:34:10,045 --> 00:34:13,379 So, we took all her one-dollar bills off the stage... 385 00:34:13,465 --> 00:34:15,624 said goodbye to that donkey... 386 00:34:15,718 --> 00:34:19,051 and two days later, we were man and wife. 387 00:34:19,138 --> 00:34:22,009 And we were happily married, long time. 388 00:34:22,099 --> 00:34:25,800 So, do you think I should be more ofa risk-taker? 389 00:34:26,771 --> 00:34:27,886 Worked for me. 390 00:34:28,815 --> 00:34:29,930 Thanks, Pops. 391 00:34:34,363 --> 00:34:35,821 Well, son... 392 00:34:36,990 --> 00:34:39,067 Looks like I've got some work to do. 393 00:34:44,582 --> 00:34:47,120 You got yourself a man-whore. 394 00:34:48,211 --> 00:34:49,919 My man! 395 00:35:02,559 --> 00:35:05,181 - Is.. Is Tina here? - Yes. 396 00:35:05,270 --> 00:35:07,892 I'm Deuce Bigalow, her date. 397 00:35:07,982 --> 00:35:10,021 I get my things. 398 00:35:15,698 --> 00:35:17,987 I love this place. 399 00:35:18,076 --> 00:35:20,484 - Where you from again? - Norway. 400 00:35:20,578 --> 00:35:23,152 - Freak! - I hear great things about it. 401 00:35:23,248 --> 00:35:26,582 - Holy shit, it's Bigfoot! - So how'd you end up here? 402 00:35:26,668 --> 00:35:30,334 I had a pituitary gland procedure at UCLA Medical Centre... 403 00:35:30,422 --> 00:35:32,462 and I just fell in love with the people here. 404 00:35:32,550 --> 00:35:36,761 - Hey, keep it in the circus! - You know, this place has gone way downhill. 405 00:35:36,846 --> 00:35:39,764 - What do you say we go somewhere else? - That's a huge bitch! 406 00:35:42,060 --> 00:35:44,598 I'm sorry about what those people said. 407 00:35:44,688 --> 00:35:46,929 You should be able to go on all the rides. 408 00:35:50,402 --> 00:35:52,940 I had a really great time, but I should go. 409 00:35:54,073 --> 00:35:57,655 Easy. Easy! Take it easy! 410 00:35:58,994 --> 00:36:01,071 Wait, wait. 411 00:36:01,163 --> 00:36:03,405 Wait. Hey, I know what we can do. 412 00:36:04,625 --> 00:36:07,117 I got it. Give me a second to think here! 413 00:36:08,296 --> 00:36:09,755 Wait! Whoa! 414 00:36:10,882 --> 00:36:14,501 Oh, yes! Oh! 415 00:36:14,594 --> 00:36:15,970 Mmm! 416 00:36:25,815 --> 00:36:29,018 Oh, no one has ever touched my feet before. 417 00:36:44,585 --> 00:36:47,337 Deuce Bigalow? Detective Fowler, L.A.P.D. 418 00:36:48,464 --> 00:36:51,335 I wanna ask you a few questions about Antoine Laconte... 419 00:36:51,425 --> 00:36:53,917 known gigolo, male prostitute. 420 00:36:55,054 --> 00:36:59,183 - I'm just taking care of his fish. - I'll bet you are. 421 00:37:00,310 --> 00:37:01,852 You make me sick! 422 00:37:01,937 --> 00:37:04,558 You gonna stand there and tell me that gigantic woman... 423 00:37:04,648 --> 00:37:06,724 didn't just pay you to have sex with her? 424 00:37:06,817 --> 00:37:09,438 - No. - Let me tell you something, mister. 425 00:37:09,528 --> 00:37:13,775 I can sleep at night, because I make a decent, God-fearin', honest livin'. 426 00:37:13,866 --> 00:37:16,737 I'm sure you do, but there's nothing I can tell you. 427 00:37:16,827 --> 00:37:18,701 I think there is. 428 00:37:18,788 --> 00:37:20,615 What do you think of this? 429 00:37:20,707 --> 00:37:24,206 - You think I can get anything for it? You know, money? - I don't know. 430 00:37:24,294 --> 00:37:26,536 Yeah. You think I'm a loser, don't you? 431 00:37:26,629 --> 00:37:29,417 - No, I don't. - Well, maybe I am a loser... 432 00:37:29,508 --> 00:37:32,129 but I'm a loser who can bust your ass. 433 00:37:32,219 --> 00:37:35,635 Now you tell Antoine I'm gonna nail him. 434 00:37:53,992 --> 00:37:56,317 - Hello? - Is this Ruth? 435 00:37:56,411 --> 00:37:58,819 Yeah, I'll be right down. Goddamn it! 436 00:37:59,873 --> 00:38:02,411 - Nice day, huh? - Yeah. 437 00:38:02,501 --> 00:38:03,876 Shove it up your ass! 438 00:38:09,091 --> 00:38:10,965 Jeez, you okay? 439 00:38:11,052 --> 00:38:14,088 I'm sorry. I have Tourette's syndrome... 440 00:38:14,180 --> 00:38:17,881 and it causes me to have these uncontrollable outbursts. 441 00:38:17,976 --> 00:38:20,265 - It's not so bad. - Yeah. It's okay. 442 00:38:20,353 --> 00:38:22,263 I mean, you get used to it. 443 00:38:22,356 --> 00:38:25,891 Ball sweat! Anus! Anus licker! 444 00:38:28,153 --> 00:38:32,946 You know, there are some places I can't go! Nipple biter! 445 00:38:35,828 --> 00:38:38,284 What are you talkin' about? I barely notice it. 446 00:38:40,250 --> 00:38:43,167 Scrotum! Sperm! Sperm face! 447 00:38:44,796 --> 00:38:48,580 I just can't go near places like churches. Ha-ha! Vulva! 448 00:38:49,509 --> 00:38:52,297 Elementary schools. Jizz!Jizz trap! 449 00:38:53,097 --> 00:38:54,924 Pretty much anywhere. 450 00:38:55,015 --> 00:38:57,092 Fart! Dildo! 451 00:38:57,184 --> 00:38:59,177 Big.. Big, big titties! 452 00:39:00,313 --> 00:39:02,886 Shit! Shit whore! 453 00:39:02,982 --> 00:39:06,683 Hey, uh, let's put the top up. I'll put on the air conditioning. 454 00:39:10,156 --> 00:39:12,233 You probably want to take me home, don't you? 455 00:39:12,909 --> 00:39:14,155 No. 456 00:39:16,121 --> 00:39:18,197 Hey, I got an idea. 457 00:39:23,295 --> 00:39:25,621 I'm nervous. There's a lot of people here. 458 00:39:25,715 --> 00:39:27,043 - Don't worry. - Crap muncher! 459 00:39:27,133 --> 00:39:29,422 - "Crap muncher"? - I know! 460 00:39:29,510 --> 00:39:31,883 He was definitely safe! 461 00:39:31,971 --> 00:39:34,641 - Hey, what do you think about the other team? - Assholes! 462 00:39:34,724 --> 00:39:36,717 - Hey, keep it down. - Right. 463 00:39:36,810 --> 00:39:40,855 And.. And their pitcher. I mean, stop stalling and throw it already. 464 00:39:40,939 --> 00:39:43,062 - Ball hair! - "Ball hair"? - Ball hair! 465 00:39:43,150 --> 00:39:45,558 Yeah, ball hair. 466 00:39:45,653 --> 00:39:48,570 What we need is a strike hair. 467 00:39:48,656 --> 00:39:51,443 That other team's a bunch of high-priced babies! 468 00:39:51,534 --> 00:39:54,570 - Whores! - Yeah! You tell 'em, darlin'! 469 00:39:58,792 --> 00:40:01,876 - They called him out? - S-Scrotum licker! 470 00:40:01,962 --> 00:40:03,539 - Yeah! - Scrotum licker! 471 00:40:03,630 --> 00:40:06,002 Piss face! Piss face! Piss face! 472 00:40:06,091 --> 00:40:07,585 Piss face! Piss face! 473 00:40:07,676 --> 00:40:10,962 Piss face! Piss face! Piss face! Piss face! 474 00:40:11,055 --> 00:40:13,807 Piss face! Piss face! Piss face! 475 00:40:15,977 --> 00:40:20,057 Deucey, you the best he-bitch in my man-stable. 476 00:40:20,148 --> 00:40:23,897 If I had two more "man-ginas" like you, I'd be a millionaire. 477 00:40:23,985 --> 00:40:27,189 - T.J., I think I'm gonna get out. - Sit down. 478 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:30,068 This next date is what we man-pimps call a doozy. 479 00:40:31,118 --> 00:40:33,526 - What's wrong with this one? - Nothin'. 480 00:40:33,620 --> 00:40:36,787 Have you seen her? What is she, 80? Hunchbacked? 481 00:40:37,833 --> 00:40:39,209 She just got outta college. 482 00:40:39,293 --> 00:40:41,867 Some of her girlfriends pitched in to get her a little beefcake. 483 00:40:41,963 --> 00:40:45,296 - She thinks it's a blind date. - It's a guy, isn't it? 484 00:40:46,926 --> 00:40:50,342 I don't think so, but I have been fooled before. 485 00:41:13,329 --> 00:41:16,081 - You must be Kate. - Excuse me. Waiter. 486 00:41:16,166 --> 00:41:19,535 Ah. Uh, yes. Sorry. We're busy tonight. 487 00:41:19,628 --> 00:41:20,791 I'll have the.. 488 00:41:22,965 --> 00:41:26,001 - A number four? - Yes. Thank you. 489 00:41:29,180 --> 00:41:31,338 - I'm Kate. - Are you sure? 490 00:41:32,391 --> 00:41:35,974 - Think so. - I'm sorry. You're just not what I expected. 491 00:41:37,063 --> 00:41:39,815 - Really. - No, no. 492 00:41:39,899 --> 00:41:42,023 I mean, in, uh.. in a good way. 493 00:41:43,195 --> 00:41:46,979 They didn't say you were so perfect. 494 00:41:48,117 --> 00:41:50,358 "Perfect." 495 00:41:50,452 --> 00:41:53,288 So, Sally and Megan didn't tell me a lot about you. 496 00:41:53,372 --> 00:41:54,748 Who? 497 00:41:56,375 --> 00:42:01,536 Oh, right, uh.. Well, I clean, uh, tanks.. ers.. 498 00:42:01,631 --> 00:42:03,339 Tankers. 499 00:42:03,424 --> 00:42:05,880 I'm sorry. I'm still kinda shocked. 500 00:42:05,969 --> 00:42:08,674 I mean, you're.. you're really normal. 501 00:42:10,140 --> 00:42:11,800 Thank you. 502 00:42:11,892 --> 00:42:14,644 My last couple of dates have been horrible. 503 00:42:14,728 --> 00:42:17,350 Oh, you get fixed up on a lot of blind dates? 504 00:42:17,439 --> 00:42:18,898 Only recently. 505 00:42:20,026 --> 00:42:22,647 - H-How 'bout you? - This is my first. 506 00:42:23,571 --> 00:42:26,940 - I hope this place is okay. - Are you kidding? It's terrific. 507 00:42:30,829 --> 00:42:32,987 - Oh, God! - Are you okay? 508 00:42:33,081 --> 00:42:36,616 - Is this one of those, uh.. - It's a sushi bar. 509 00:42:36,710 --> 00:42:38,869 - Are you allergic? - You could say that. 510 00:42:40,339 --> 00:42:42,462 That's a dog-faced puffer fish over there. 511 00:42:42,550 --> 00:42:45,835 He's not even fully matured yet. He's a teenager, for crying out loud. 512 00:42:48,764 --> 00:42:51,256 Can I ask you to stop that, please? 513 00:42:55,772 --> 00:42:58,939 I don't see how it could possibly be pleasurable for a woman. 514 00:43:00,152 --> 00:43:03,022 I just don't think it's natural. 515 00:43:03,113 --> 00:43:05,106 You're not supposed to go up there. 516 00:43:05,199 --> 00:43:08,235 To tell you the truth, I don't know how men do it either. 517 00:43:08,327 --> 00:43:11,696 You're not curious, just to try somethin' new? 518 00:43:11,789 --> 00:43:13,865 I'm just not into it. 519 00:43:15,001 --> 00:43:17,492 So space exploration is definitely out for you? 520 00:43:17,587 --> 00:43:20,790 Definitely. I mean, more power to any woman who wants to be an astronaut. 521 00:43:20,882 --> 00:43:23,089 I just wouldn't do it. 522 00:43:23,176 --> 00:43:25,252 Frankly, I'd rather take it up the butt. 523 00:43:30,225 --> 00:43:32,348 So you think this is a good spot? 524 00:43:34,271 --> 00:43:35,647 It's perfect. 525 00:43:38,484 --> 00:43:41,651 Life's funny, huh? Some pretty close calls. 526 00:43:44,032 --> 00:43:46,570 I wonder if he knew how close he came to the end? 527 00:43:46,660 --> 00:43:48,118 Oh, he knew. 528 00:43:49,788 --> 00:43:52,789 I bet he never thought he'd be held by such a lovely woman. 529 00:43:52,874 --> 00:43:54,203 Deuce. 530 00:43:55,335 --> 00:43:57,791 You're embarrassing me in front of our new friend. 531 00:44:09,184 --> 00:44:11,390 That was a really nice thing you did tonight. 532 00:44:13,772 --> 00:44:15,930 Too bad it's a freshwater fish. 533 00:44:18,026 --> 00:44:21,193 I-l=I'm kidding, see? I'm just joking. 534 00:44:23,073 --> 00:44:27,367 Take some time For our feelings to grow 535 00:44:30,373 --> 00:44:31,571 Good night. 536 00:44:31,666 --> 00:44:33,742 - You're so close now - Good night. 537 00:44:33,835 --> 00:44:37,085 I can't let you go 538 00:44:39,799 --> 00:44:42,635 And I can't let go 539 00:44:44,263 --> 00:44:48,011 With you I'm not shy 540 00:44:48,100 --> 00:44:50,674 To show the way I feel 541 00:44:50,770 --> 00:44:53,095 With you I might.. 542 00:44:54,732 --> 00:44:56,939 You've had yourself an interesting little evening. 543 00:44:57,026 --> 00:45:00,692 Just takin' care of his fish, huh? She looks like a nice catch. 544 00:45:00,780 --> 00:45:02,903 It was a first date. 545 00:45:02,991 --> 00:45:06,111 Listen up, man-whore. I oughta bust you right now! 546 00:45:06,203 --> 00:45:09,619 - We just had sushi. - "Sushi." Is that what they call it nowadays? 547 00:45:09,706 --> 00:45:12,328 Well, I'm hip to your man-whore slang. 548 00:45:12,418 --> 00:45:13,793 All right, fine. 549 00:45:13,877 --> 00:45:17,460 Why don't I just go have a little chat with your spicy tuna roll, huh? 550 00:45:17,548 --> 00:45:19,042 No, don't! 551 00:45:20,635 --> 00:45:23,505 All right. Okay, Deuce. 552 00:45:23,596 --> 00:45:25,304 No problem, baby. Relax. 553 00:45:25,390 --> 00:45:28,889 Maybe I'll even let this one slide for some information. 554 00:45:28,977 --> 00:45:31,219 Like Antoine's black book. You know. 555 00:45:31,313 --> 00:45:34,599 - The one with his list of clients? - I don't know anything about it. 556 00:45:34,691 --> 00:45:37,728 Oh, yeah? You know anything about this? 557 00:45:37,820 --> 00:45:40,062 See that red spot over there? 558 00:45:40,155 --> 00:45:42,528 That wasn't there this morning. I checked. 559 00:45:42,616 --> 00:45:44,740 - You know what it is? - Maybe it's a rash. 560 00:45:44,827 --> 00:45:48,196 Something you got from jogging. How the hell do I know? Get it away from me. 561 00:45:49,999 --> 00:45:53,119 Maybe you're right. You got three days, Bigalow! 562 00:46:02,763 --> 00:46:06,262 T.J., I really like this girl. 563 00:46:06,350 --> 00:46:09,969 Deucey, don't be fallin' in love with no she-John. You're in it for the money. 564 00:46:10,062 --> 00:46:13,847 Antoine will be back pretty soon. Apartment ain't gonna pay to fix itself. 565 00:46:13,941 --> 00:46:17,061 I know. Hey, there's been this detective followin' me. 566 00:46:17,153 --> 00:46:20,736 Goddamn it, white boy! You didn't tell him nothin' about me, did you? 567 00:46:20,824 --> 00:46:22,615 No, but what should I do? 568 00:46:24,703 --> 00:46:27,194 - About what? - About the cop! 569 00:46:27,289 --> 00:46:29,661 Will you stop mentionin' the damn cops? 570 00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:31,992 Don't make me he-bitch man-slap you! 571 00:46:43,515 --> 00:46:46,966 Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow, your man-whore for this evening. 572 00:46:47,060 --> 00:46:49,183 Hi, I'm Carol.. 573 00:46:52,274 --> 00:46:54,896 I have narcolepsy. It's.. It's a sleeping disorder. 574 00:46:54,985 --> 00:46:56,729 It isn't the worst thing you could ever have. 575 00:46:56,821 --> 00:47:00,106 I'm just not allowed to fly an aeroplane or.. or drive a car... 576 00:47:00,199 --> 00:47:02,275 or work in a gun range. 577 00:47:03,244 --> 00:47:04,904 Yeah. 578 00:47:22,932 --> 00:47:27,428 This is such a treat. I've always wanted to try soup, but there's the fear of drowning. 579 00:47:39,116 --> 00:47:42,236 - I really had fun. - Are you gonna be okay? 580 00:47:42,327 --> 00:47:44,819 - I'll be fine. - You sure? 581 00:47:44,913 --> 00:47:46,953 - Yeah. - Good night. 582 00:48:11,650 --> 00:48:15,482 I can't get enough of you, baby 583 00:48:15,571 --> 00:48:18,489 I can't get enough of you, baby 584 00:48:18,574 --> 00:48:20,567 Yes, it's true 585 00:48:22,537 --> 00:48:24,613 Yes, it's true 586 00:48:27,292 --> 00:48:30,626 Whenever we kiss I get to feelin' like this 587 00:48:30,712 --> 00:48:34,378 I get to wishin ' that there were two of you 588 00:48:34,466 --> 00:48:36,459 Come on. You can dance. 589 00:48:36,552 --> 00:48:38,710 Come on, baby 590 00:48:38,804 --> 00:48:41,046 It feels so nice 591 00:48:41,140 --> 00:48:43,263 I want your arms to 592 00:48:43,351 --> 00:48:47,218 Wrap around me twice 593 00:48:50,150 --> 00:48:54,195 I can't get enough of you, baby 594 00:48:54,279 --> 00:48:57,280 I can't get enough of you, baby 595 00:48:57,366 --> 00:48:58,611 Right or wrong 596 00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,196 Baby, right or wrong 597 00:49:09,754 --> 00:49:13,918 - I can't get enough of you, baby - Ohh, Deuce. 598 00:49:14,008 --> 00:49:16,844 - You look great. - Thanks. 599 00:49:17,762 --> 00:49:20,467 - I want you to meet my roommate. - Who's there? Kate? 600 00:49:20,557 --> 00:49:24,140 - I hear someone. - It's just me and my friend. 601 00:49:24,228 --> 00:49:26,683 Are you sure? I hear three people. 602 00:49:26,772 --> 00:49:28,765 You're the third person. 603 00:49:28,858 --> 00:49:30,815 Oh. Oh, okay. 604 00:49:30,901 --> 00:49:33,357 She's newly blind. She's still getting adjusted. 605 00:49:34,363 --> 00:49:36,985 Bergita, this is Deuce. 606 00:49:37,909 --> 00:49:40,067 I think there's something wrong with Cassie. 607 00:49:40,161 --> 00:49:41,406 Oh, honey. 608 00:49:42,998 --> 00:49:44,492 This isn't Cassie. 609 00:49:45,584 --> 00:49:47,576 Here she is. 610 00:49:48,503 --> 00:49:50,829 Oh, there you are. 611 00:49:50,923 --> 00:49:53,414 - It's nice to meet you. - Hi. 612 00:49:56,053 --> 00:49:59,968 Once you try it for the first time, you're pretty happy with the results. 613 00:50:00,057 --> 00:50:02,513 I've never met a hair transplant technician before. 614 00:50:09,985 --> 00:50:14,197 Oh, man! I forgot. It's my dad's birthday. 615 00:50:14,281 --> 00:50:16,819 - Let's go see him. - He's working. 616 00:50:16,909 --> 00:50:18,902 So, what does he do? 617 00:50:20,121 --> 00:50:22,446 He's in the restaurant industry. 618 00:50:26,377 --> 00:50:29,628 Kate, I'd like you to meet my dad, Bob Bigalow. 619 00:50:29,714 --> 00:50:30,877 Bob, Kate. 620 00:50:32,300 --> 00:50:35,966 - Hi. - Son, I'm very proud of you. 621 00:50:36,054 --> 00:50:38,426 She is a lovely young lady. 622 00:50:39,558 --> 00:50:41,551 Thank you. 623 00:50:41,643 --> 00:50:44,561 It's so nice to meet you. Happy birthday. 624 00:50:44,647 --> 00:50:47,220 - Thank you. - Well, we should probably be going. 625 00:50:47,316 --> 00:50:48,597 Deuce. 626 00:50:49,819 --> 00:50:52,571 Dad probably has a lot of paperwork to do and.. 627 00:50:52,655 --> 00:50:55,277 No, the paper's completely stocked. 628 00:50:55,366 --> 00:50:58,154 I've got plenty of time to get more acquainted with the woman... 629 00:50:58,244 --> 00:51:00,071 who's made my boy so happy. 630 00:51:00,789 --> 00:51:04,158 We got you a cake. Deuce said it's your favourite. 631 00:51:05,002 --> 00:51:07,457 We had to go to a Filipino bakery to get it. 632 00:51:07,546 --> 00:51:08,577 You didn't. 633 00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:13,838 You did! Raspberry bibingka? 634 00:51:13,928 --> 00:51:15,588 Aw, you shouldn't have. 635 00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,385 My wife, God rest her soul... 636 00:51:18,474 --> 00:51:20,716 used to make this all the time. 637 00:51:20,810 --> 00:51:22,969 You would have liked her. 638 00:51:23,063 --> 00:51:24,771 Bangkok Betty. 639 00:51:25,732 --> 00:51:30,229 She had the most amazing mouth. It paid for our honeymoon. 640 00:51:31,780 --> 00:51:36,324 - Well, we should probably be going. - Deuce, it's your dad's birthday. 641 00:51:39,747 --> 00:51:43,662 Hi, Bob. We have an overflowing toilet in the ladies' bathroom. 642 00:51:43,751 --> 00:51:45,246 There is shit everywhere. 643 00:51:45,336 --> 00:51:48,006 It's a real mess. You think you can get in there and take care of that for me? 644 00:51:48,089 --> 00:51:50,296 No worries, Vic. Right on it. 645 00:51:50,383 --> 00:51:52,460 I'd like you to meet my son's girlfriend Kate. 646 00:51:52,552 --> 00:51:54,925 - Kate, nice to meet you. - You too. - Hi, Deuce. 647 00:51:55,013 --> 00:51:56,673 So, could you get in there, Bob? 648 00:51:56,765 --> 00:52:01,926 I mean, I got a party often coming in, and I am up to my ankles in human crap. 649 00:52:02,021 --> 00:52:03,930 It's a real stink-fest back there. 650 00:52:04,023 --> 00:52:05,683 Sure. 651 00:52:05,775 --> 00:52:08,646 Well, looks like I better get back to work. 652 00:52:08,736 --> 00:52:11,227 It's a pleasure meeting you, dear. 653 00:52:11,322 --> 00:52:14,277 It warms my heart just being in your presence. 654 00:52:14,367 --> 00:52:15,826 Oh, thank you. 655 00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:18,579 See you, son. 656 00:52:22,876 --> 00:52:24,786 See, my dad's one of those guys, uh.. 657 00:52:24,878 --> 00:52:27,452 - He likes to be involved in every facet of the business. - It's okay. 658 00:52:27,548 --> 00:52:29,790 There.. There's no, uh, problem too small or too big. 659 00:52:29,884 --> 00:52:32,636 - I mean, they come to him for everything. - Deuce, it's all right. 660 00:52:35,515 --> 00:52:37,591 It's not his restaurant. 661 00:52:38,852 --> 00:52:40,928 My dad's not even a waiter. 662 00:52:41,855 --> 00:52:45,141 He's the men's room attendant. I'm sorry. 663 00:52:46,068 --> 00:52:47,645 Don't be silly. 664 00:52:49,113 --> 00:52:51,319 You know what my dad does? 665 00:52:51,407 --> 00:52:53,649 He's an aeronautical engineer. 666 00:53:05,438 --> 00:53:06,933 Bob? 667 00:53:12,237 --> 00:53:14,313 Wanna blow out your candle? 668 00:53:25,501 --> 00:53:27,874 Mmm, now that's good bibingka. 669 00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:39,385 I had a really nice time tonight. 670 00:53:39,475 --> 00:53:41,514 I find that hard to believe. 671 00:53:45,690 --> 00:53:47,896 I've never met anyone like you. 672 00:53:48,901 --> 00:53:50,561 Good. 673 00:53:51,821 --> 00:53:53,695 I have to see you again. 674 00:53:56,284 --> 00:53:59,535 When we go inside, try to be quiet so we don't wake up Bergita. 675 00:54:02,332 --> 00:54:06,033 With you I'm not shy 676 00:54:06,128 --> 00:54:08,798 To show the way I feel 677 00:54:08,881 --> 00:54:12,499 With you I might try 678 00:54:12,593 --> 00:54:15,963 My secrets to reveal 679 00:54:16,055 --> 00:54:19,092 For you are a magnet 680 00:54:19,184 --> 00:54:22,932 And I am steel 681 00:54:23,021 --> 00:54:25,097 Why don't I get the light? 682 00:54:26,858 --> 00:54:28,935 Hang on. I'll be right back. Be right back. 683 00:54:39,747 --> 00:54:41,491 You are good. 684 00:54:51,927 --> 00:54:54,003 - Hi. - Hi. 685 00:54:57,057 --> 00:54:59,727 Are you all right? 686 00:54:59,810 --> 00:55:02,052 I need you to be okay with something. 687 00:55:02,146 --> 00:55:04,554 What? I'm okay with everything. 688 00:55:04,649 --> 00:55:06,725 Deuce. 689 00:55:06,818 --> 00:55:10,104 There may be things about me that you don't like. 690 00:55:10,196 --> 00:55:12,485 I like everything about you. 691 00:55:12,574 --> 00:55:15,610 I mean, physically. 692 00:55:17,037 --> 00:55:20,074 So you're taller than me. Big deal. I'll get over it. 693 00:55:20,165 --> 00:55:22,241 It's not that. 694 00:55:23,294 --> 00:55:25,203 What? 695 00:55:25,296 --> 00:55:30,635 If you were to find out something about me and my body that was... 696 00:55:30,718 --> 00:55:35,215 maybe a little different than what you were used to, would that be okay? 697 00:55:35,306 --> 00:55:38,343 There could be nothing on your body that I wouldn't like. 698 00:55:39,478 --> 00:55:42,763 What are you talkin' about? 699 00:55:42,856 --> 00:55:45,691 What, you got, like, six toes or something? I can live with that. 700 00:55:47,444 --> 00:55:51,394 - Deuce, I have to tell you. I have a.. - Shh. 701 00:56:24,275 --> 00:56:26,434 Oh, my God! I'm sorry! 702 00:56:26,528 --> 00:56:29,979 - I tried to tell you! - No, it's my fault. 703 00:56:30,073 --> 00:56:32,743 I shouldn't have pulled it so hard. 704 00:56:32,826 --> 00:56:34,985 If you wanna leave, I completely understand. 705 00:56:35,078 --> 00:56:37,949 I don't wanna leave. I'm sorry I had that reaction. 706 00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:40,412 I just.. I got a lot of things going on in my life recently... 707 00:56:40,501 --> 00:56:42,743 and they all sort of culminated when your leg fell off.. 708 00:56:42,837 --> 00:56:44,876 came off.. disconnected.. I.. 709 00:56:44,964 --> 00:56:47,538 -Just get out. - Oh, my God! 710 00:56:47,634 --> 00:56:49,425 Please, leave! 711 00:56:52,055 --> 00:56:55,887 Kate. I'm sorry. 712 00:56:55,976 --> 00:56:58,052 Just go home. 713 00:56:58,145 --> 00:57:00,351 Don't I have a say in this? 714 00:57:00,439 --> 00:57:03,642 - Hand me my leg. - Then will you come out and talk? 715 00:57:03,734 --> 00:57:05,810 I don't know. 716 00:57:13,453 --> 00:57:15,944 Are you sure you want to stay? 717 00:57:16,039 --> 00:57:18,612 Yes, but only If you come out of there. 718 00:57:20,585 --> 00:57:23,290 I need to know how you feel about all this. 719 00:57:24,965 --> 00:57:27,005 The same as I did an hour ago... 720 00:57:28,135 --> 00:57:30,970 when I thought to myself, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world... 721 00:57:31,055 --> 00:57:32,763 to be with her leg.." 722 00:57:32,848 --> 00:57:34,343 with you. 723 00:58:01,963 --> 00:58:04,335 Ow. 724 00:58:05,550 --> 00:58:08,123 Is this normal? My face is numb. 725 00:58:08,219 --> 00:58:11,339 It's perfectly normal in hair replacement surgery. 726 00:58:11,431 --> 00:58:14,432 The local anaesthetic has numbed the major nerves in your face... 727 00:58:14,518 --> 00:58:16,594 just like at the dentist. 728 00:58:16,687 --> 00:58:19,095 Ow! 729 00:58:20,232 --> 00:58:22,272 You're Kate's best friends, and... 730 00:58:22,359 --> 00:58:26,025 I know your opinions mean a lot to her, and... 731 00:58:26,113 --> 00:58:28,818 I'd like to get really serious with her. 732 00:58:28,908 --> 00:58:31,695 - You're a prostitute! - Not any more. 733 00:58:31,786 --> 00:58:35,452 And it's "man-whore." Anyway, I just quit. 734 00:58:35,540 --> 00:58:37,533 - I mean, Kate's the one for me. - Listen. 735 00:58:37,626 --> 00:58:39,868 You were only supposed to go out with her one night... 736 00:58:39,962 --> 00:58:42,038 show her a good time, and then get the hell out of her life. 737 00:58:42,131 --> 00:58:45,085 - You know she's not normal. - She's not like other girls. 738 00:58:45,175 --> 00:58:48,212 You know what her problem is? Friends like you. 739 00:58:48,304 --> 00:58:50,427 She's perfect. She's kind. 740 00:58:50,514 --> 00:58:54,180 She's sweet, she's funny, and she likes me. 741 00:58:54,268 --> 00:58:56,345 Now, I came here to give you your money back... 742 00:58:56,437 --> 00:59:00,186 the money you paid a stranger to have sex with your friend. 743 00:59:02,319 --> 00:59:04,774 Hey! You stay away from her, man-whore! 744 00:59:05,906 --> 00:59:09,524 Hi ya, Deuce. Your three days are up, lover boy. 745 00:59:09,618 --> 00:59:11,611 So where's Antoine's black book? 746 00:59:11,704 --> 00:59:13,780 - I've looked everywhere. - Listen, punk. 747 00:59:13,873 --> 00:59:16,198 You are aiding and abetting a known criminal. 748 00:59:16,292 --> 00:59:18,617 Do the initials T and J mean anything to you? 749 00:59:18,711 --> 00:59:21,119 Uh, turkey jizz? I don't.. 750 00:59:21,214 --> 00:59:23,337 You better show some respect, or I'm gonna rip that little... 751 00:59:23,425 --> 00:59:25,916 pleasure-giving tongue of yours right out of your head! 752 00:59:26,011 --> 00:59:27,968 One more thing. 753 00:59:28,055 --> 00:59:30,593 I was at the precinct, and I really had to use the john... 754 00:59:30,682 --> 00:59:32,924 and it's pretty filthy in there, and I was in kind of a hurry. 755 00:59:33,018 --> 00:59:36,138 I didn't have enough time to use one Of those, you know, paper ass gaskets. 756 00:59:36,230 --> 00:59:38,139 Anyway, I was doin' my business, and, uh... 757 00:59:38,232 --> 00:59:40,024 something splashed up on me, you know, all over? 758 00:59:40,109 --> 00:59:43,810 What do you do in situations like that? You think I'll be all right? 759 00:59:43,905 --> 00:59:47,404 - I think you're pretty safe. - I better be. 760 00:59:53,790 --> 00:59:55,783 Ugly is not a problem for this guy. 761 00:59:55,876 --> 00:59:57,999 My man would stick his dick in a he-monkey. 762 00:59:58,087 --> 01:00:00,163 All right, holler at you later. 763 01:00:01,966 --> 01:00:03,294 What up, Deucey? 764 01:00:05,344 --> 01:00:08,180 You should know that cop won't leave me alone. 765 01:00:09,182 --> 01:00:11,851 - What about the cop? - He's been asking questions. 766 01:00:11,935 --> 01:00:13,310 Goddamn, white boy. 767 01:00:13,394 --> 01:00:15,186 Anyway, it doesn't matter to me any more. 768 01:00:15,271 --> 01:00:18,107 - I'm quitting. - What about Antoine's apartment? 769 01:00:19,025 --> 01:00:21,149 I'm gonna get the rest of the money the old-fashioned way. 770 01:00:21,236 --> 01:00:23,229 You gonna steal it? 771 01:00:25,199 --> 01:00:27,191 See ya, T.J. 772 01:00:35,585 --> 01:00:37,708 Uh, see, I just quit. I'm never doing it again. 773 01:00:37,795 --> 01:00:40,334 - You lied to me! - Listen, please. 774 01:00:40,423 --> 01:00:44,753 - It's not what you think. - You were paid to go out with me! 775 01:00:50,726 --> 01:00:53,513 - You want breakfast? - Kate! 776 01:00:53,604 --> 01:00:55,976 Just go away! 777 01:00:56,065 --> 01:00:59,019 - I never want to see you again! - Me neither. 778 01:01:01,404 --> 01:01:03,480 I'm sorry. 779 01:01:13,250 --> 01:01:16,702 I feel sad when you're sad 780 01:01:16,795 --> 01:01:19,465 I feel glad when you're glad 781 01:01:19,548 --> 01:01:23,214 And if you only knew what I'm goin' through 782 01:01:24,595 --> 01:01:29,174 I just can't smile Without you 783 01:01:34,898 --> 01:01:38,148 You came along just like a song 784 01:01:38,235 --> 01:01:40,560 And brightened my day 785 01:01:40,654 --> 01:01:43,406 Who'd have believed you were part of a dream 786 01:01:43,491 --> 01:01:48,117 And now it all seems light years away 787 01:01:48,204 --> 01:01:53,828 And you know I can't smile without you 788 01:01:53,918 --> 01:01:56,670 I can't smile without you 789 01:01:56,755 --> 01:02:00,966 And I can't laugh I can't sing 790 01:02:01,051 --> 01:02:03,127 I'm findin' it hard to do anything 791 01:02:06,390 --> 01:02:09,640 I'm 1 ,500 short. Isn't there anything else you can do? 792 01:02:09,727 --> 01:02:13,226 Listen, I came all over the place.. down from six grand. 793 01:02:13,314 --> 01:02:15,639 This is a custom hand job. 794 01:02:15,733 --> 01:02:17,275 Let me pay you monthly. 795 01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:20,480 The last time I didn't get the money up front, I got the big stiffie. 796 01:02:24,159 --> 01:02:25,190 Hello? 797 01:02:25,285 --> 01:02:26,779 What the hell are you doing picking up my phone? 798 01:02:26,870 --> 01:02:28,495 I found the coral you wanted. 799 01:02:28,580 --> 01:02:31,285 If you're doing anything I disapprove of in my apartment, I will kill you. 800 01:02:32,418 --> 01:02:34,209 Rip your veins out one by one! 801 01:02:35,463 --> 01:02:37,254 Murder! I will kill you! 802 01:02:42,804 --> 01:02:47,431 Hey, Antoine, it's Elaine. I really need to see you again. 803 01:02:47,517 --> 01:02:49,593 Same price, same place? 804 01:02:51,772 --> 01:02:53,349 I'll have the money. 805 01:02:54,274 --> 01:02:57,478 Hi. Um, this isn't Antoine... 806 01:02:57,569 --> 01:02:59,693 but, uh, maybe we can work something out. 807 01:03:06,245 --> 01:03:07,277 Hi. 808 01:03:21,845 --> 01:03:23,470 I'm Deuce. 809 01:03:41,783 --> 01:03:43,942 - Stop. - Why? 810 01:03:44,036 --> 01:03:46,990 - You don't wanna have sex. - Yes, I do. 811 01:03:48,248 --> 01:03:50,241 I think we both do. 812 01:03:53,379 --> 01:03:55,953 Don't you find me attractive? 813 01:03:56,048 --> 01:03:59,583 Are you kidding? You're one Of the hottest women I've ever seen. 814 01:04:00,512 --> 01:04:02,303 Easy, easy. 815 01:04:02,389 --> 01:04:05,140 I just can't do this. 816 01:04:05,225 --> 01:04:07,348 I'm head over heels for a girl, and... 817 01:04:07,436 --> 01:04:10,520 we're goin' through a rough time, me bein' a man-whore and all... 818 01:04:10,606 --> 01:04:13,358 but I know it's gonna work out, because I love her. 819 01:04:15,528 --> 01:04:17,604 She's a lucky girl. 820 01:04:19,031 --> 01:04:20,775 At least emotionally. 821 01:04:21,951 --> 01:04:25,367 - My guy used to be like that. - Hey. 822 01:04:26,873 --> 01:04:28,451 Hang in there. 823 01:04:30,627 --> 01:04:32,703 Things have a way of working out. 824 01:04:38,302 --> 01:04:40,378 Hey, where you goin'? 825 01:04:43,182 --> 01:04:46,017 Well, I thought we talked and you understood. 826 01:04:46,102 --> 01:04:50,729 I understand, but the fact is I still paid for your services. 827 01:04:50,815 --> 01:04:52,938 Well, what did you have in mind? 828 01:05:03,037 --> 01:05:06,869 Baby, let's get together 829 01:05:06,957 --> 01:05:09,793 Honey, hon, me and you 830 01:05:11,087 --> 01:05:13,245 And do the things Ah 831 01:05:13,339 --> 01:05:16,044 Do the things 832 01:05:16,134 --> 01:05:18,376 That we like to do 833 01:05:19,387 --> 01:05:22,388 Oh, do a little dance 834 01:05:22,474 --> 01:05:26,175 Make a little love Get down tonight 835 01:05:26,270 --> 01:05:27,550 Get down tonight 836 01:05:28,564 --> 01:05:32,396 Do a little dance Make a little love 837 01:05:32,485 --> 01:05:35,190 Get down tonight 838 01:05:35,279 --> 01:05:36,738 Get down tonight, baby 839 01:05:36,823 --> 01:05:38,317 Oh, get down, get down 840 01:05:38,408 --> 01:05:40,531 Get down, get down 841 01:05:40,618 --> 01:05:42,741 Get down tonight, baby 842 01:05:42,829 --> 01:05:45,700 Woo, woo, woo, woo woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo 843 01:05:45,790 --> 01:05:48,910 Get down, get down, get down, get down 844 01:06:08,773 --> 01:06:10,433 - I'm exhausted. - Oh, God, you were amazing. 845 01:06:10,525 --> 01:06:12,233 Are you kidding? 846 01:06:16,573 --> 01:06:18,981 I just had to see for myself. 847 01:06:28,503 --> 01:06:29,878 Kate! 848 01:06:29,962 --> 01:06:31,623 I'm not in love 849 01:06:33,341 --> 01:06:35,915 I'm not in love 850 01:06:49,608 --> 01:06:52,610 - What? - How's Elaine? 851 01:06:52,695 --> 01:06:54,439 You know, your wife. 852 01:06:56,407 --> 01:06:58,199 - Bastard! - Oh! 853 01:06:58,284 --> 01:06:59,909 This wasn't about some black book. 854 01:06:59,995 --> 01:07:02,402 Your wife was a customer Of Antoine's, wasn't she? 855 01:07:02,497 --> 01:07:05,664 That son of a bitch is goin' down, and you're gonna join him! 856 01:07:08,170 --> 01:07:10,246 How's that gonna fix your marriage? 857 01:07:14,927 --> 01:07:17,003 Look, I lost someone that I love too. 858 01:07:19,891 --> 01:07:22,014 You know why she did this? 859 01:07:22,101 --> 01:07:24,474 You wanna know why she went outside our marriage? 860 01:07:25,522 --> 01:07:27,514 It's because of my dick, man! 861 01:07:27,607 --> 01:07:30,561 I mean, that's the reason. It's my dick! 862 01:07:30,652 --> 01:07:32,111 Look, take it easy. 863 01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:36,696 You're saying your wife cheated on you because your penis is too small? 864 01:07:36,784 --> 01:07:39,701 It's not too small! It's too thin! Okay? 865 01:07:39,787 --> 01:07:41,578 My dick is too thin! 866 01:07:41,664 --> 01:07:43,657 I got a thin dick! 867 01:07:43,749 --> 01:07:47,119 Okay, can you keep it down? I'd like to come back here someday. 868 01:07:47,211 --> 01:07:51,459 Everybody knows that it's width, width that gives sexual gratification. 869 01:07:51,549 --> 01:07:54,337 I've read it. Cosmo, Redbook, you name it. 870 01:07:54,428 --> 01:07:58,046 What am I supposed to do? I got the thinnest penis in the world. 871 01:07:58,140 --> 01:07:59,883 Here. It's like a Twizzler. 872 01:07:59,975 --> 01:08:01,968 - Look! - No, no! Stop that! 873 01:08:02,061 --> 01:08:05,430 Look, sit down! Sit! 874 01:08:05,523 --> 01:08:08,939 It's not your dick! It's you! 875 01:08:09,026 --> 01:08:11,778 I'm tellin' you now, if you painted it silver and twisted it on the end... 876 01:08:11,863 --> 01:08:13,690 it'd look like a kickstand. 877 01:08:14,908 --> 01:08:17,114 If man-whoring has taught me anything... 878 01:08:17,202 --> 01:08:20,203 it's that most women are as unhappy with their entire body... 879 01:08:20,288 --> 01:08:22,162 as you are with your small penis. 880 01:08:22,249 --> 01:08:24,455 - Thin penis. - Well, whatever. 881 01:08:25,627 --> 01:08:27,252 While you're worried about your penis... 882 01:08:27,338 --> 01:08:28,500 Thin penis. 883 01:08:28,589 --> 01:08:31,294 women are worried about their height... 884 01:08:31,384 --> 01:08:34,089 their weight, their giant feet... 885 01:08:34,178 --> 01:08:35,459 the stream of obscenities... 886 01:08:35,555 --> 01:08:37,880 that could burst through their mouth at any second. 887 01:08:37,974 --> 01:08:40,430 If you make a woman feel good about herself... 888 01:08:40,518 --> 01:08:42,926 it really doesn't matter what's wrong with you. 889 01:08:45,857 --> 01:08:47,684 Even if it's really, really thin? 890 01:08:47,776 --> 01:08:49,769 We're talkin' spaghetti stick. 891 01:08:52,531 --> 01:08:54,323 Tell you what. 892 01:08:54,408 --> 01:08:57,860 Every time you're feeling self-conscious about your thin dick... 893 01:08:57,954 --> 01:09:01,952 say something nice to make your woman feel sexy. 894 01:09:03,167 --> 01:09:06,952 I mean, is that it? Is that all there is? 895 01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:11,414 There is one other thing. 896 01:09:12,135 --> 01:09:14,045 Do a little dance 897 01:09:14,137 --> 01:09:16,047 Make a little love 898 01:09:16,140 --> 01:09:18,049 Get down tonight 899 01:09:18,142 --> 01:09:20,348 Get down tonight 900 01:09:20,436 --> 01:09:22,263 Do a little dance 901 01:09:22,355 --> 01:09:24,513 Make a little love 902 01:09:24,607 --> 01:09:26,683 Get down tonight 903 01:09:26,776 --> 01:09:27,939 Get down tonight 904 01:09:28,027 --> 01:09:29,522 Uh, yes, sir. 905 01:09:30,572 --> 01:09:34,023 Um, you're sure there isn't anything you can do? 906 01:09:36,703 --> 01:09:38,162 Yes, sir. I understand. 907 01:09:46,088 --> 01:09:49,671 Listen. I really appreciate you helping me. 908 01:09:50,885 --> 01:09:52,878 I guess I misjudged you. 909 01:09:54,013 --> 01:09:55,923 Anyway, I got you off the hook. 910 01:09:57,225 --> 01:10:00,677 - Why am I still worried? - You gotta give 'em T.J. 911 01:10:00,771 --> 01:10:02,479 I can't do that. 912 01:10:02,564 --> 01:10:05,814 You got no choice. I been workin' on this case for three months. 913 01:10:05,901 --> 01:10:09,436 -Boss says somebody's gotta be arrested. -But T.J.'s my friend. 914 01:10:09,530 --> 01:10:11,072 They're serious, Deuce. 915 01:10:12,658 --> 01:10:15,743 Look, I don't like it, but it's either you or him. 916 01:10:19,457 --> 01:10:20,999 Your Honour... 917 01:10:21,084 --> 01:10:24,749 sex for money is morally reprehensible. 918 01:10:24,838 --> 01:10:30,462 Mr Bigalow has compounded this crime by refusing to name his he-pimp. 919 01:10:30,552 --> 01:10:33,257 Therefore we ask for the maximum term for each... 920 01:10:33,347 --> 01:10:36,218 of the five counts of prostitution. 921 01:10:58,916 --> 01:11:00,291 Excuse me. 922 01:11:15,267 --> 01:11:17,840 We never had sex. 923 01:11:17,936 --> 01:11:20,143 We talked about it. 924 01:11:20,230 --> 01:11:22,472 Well, I talked about it. 925 01:11:22,566 --> 01:11:25,401 But Deuce never took advantage of me. 926 01:11:25,486 --> 01:11:29,187 She should have, but he's my friend. 927 01:11:30,241 --> 01:11:32,566 He made me realize that I wasn't just some... 928 01:11:32,660 --> 01:11:34,949 hot babe with huge tits... 929 01:11:35,038 --> 01:11:37,908 even though I am. 930 01:11:37,999 --> 01:11:41,084 Oh, and he also got me walkin' again. 931 01:11:48,260 --> 01:11:50,169 Deuce and I never had sex. 932 01:11:50,262 --> 01:11:52,967 - It was physically impossible. - Freak! 933 01:11:54,642 --> 01:11:56,635 It's true I paid him money to be with him... 934 01:11:56,727 --> 01:12:01,224 and I'd do it again, because he made me feel good about myself. 935 01:12:01,316 --> 01:12:02,774 Behemoth. 936 01:12:05,111 --> 01:12:08,445 And no one ever touched my feet before. 937 01:12:08,532 --> 01:12:10,275 That's a huge bitch! 938 01:12:12,244 --> 01:12:14,569 Deuce taught me to be comfortable with who I am. 939 01:12:15,623 --> 01:12:17,662 Thank you, Deuce. 940 01:12:17,750 --> 01:12:19,161 You asshole! 941 01:12:22,171 --> 01:12:25,208 These are very serious charges, Mr Bigalow. 942 01:12:25,300 --> 01:12:27,376 I just have one question to ask you. 943 01:12:27,469 --> 01:12:29,627 During your entire stint as a he-whore... 944 01:12:29,721 --> 01:12:31,299 did you have sex with anyone? 945 01:12:33,934 --> 01:12:34,965 Yes, Your Honour. 946 01:12:37,813 --> 01:12:39,188 Just one woman. 947 01:12:41,150 --> 01:12:44,436 - And I'm in love with her. - Order. 948 01:12:45,571 --> 01:12:48,109 Order, please. 949 01:12:48,199 --> 01:12:50,571 This is very important, Mr Bigalow. 950 01:12:50,660 --> 01:12:53,032 Did she pay you for sex? 951 01:12:56,124 --> 01:12:58,496 No. 952 01:12:59,211 --> 01:13:00,373 Case dismissed. 953 01:13:03,715 --> 01:13:05,542 Yes! 954 01:13:16,646 --> 01:13:20,229 These shots will deaden the nerve area... 955 01:13:20,317 --> 01:13:22,475 where your hair transplants will be. 956 01:13:24,654 --> 01:13:26,813 There. That should do it. 957 01:13:26,907 --> 01:13:30,241 Nurse, would you please remove our donor hair? 958 01:13:30,327 --> 01:13:32,403 I'll be back in a minute. 959 01:13:44,342 --> 01:13:47,925 Mr Johnson, please just lie back down now. 960 01:13:48,013 --> 01:13:50,171 Oh, my God! Deuce! 961 01:13:50,265 --> 01:13:53,551 - Kate, listen to me. - What are you doing here? 962 01:13:54,770 --> 01:13:57,854 It's the only way I could get you to see me. 963 01:13:57,940 --> 01:14:00,396 Deuce, it's over between us. 964 01:14:03,196 --> 01:14:04,856 Listen. 965 01:14:04,947 --> 01:14:09,195 Those shots hurt like hell. Could you at least hear me out? 966 01:14:09,285 --> 01:14:11,444 Well, I don't know how much you charge by the hour... 967 01:14:11,538 --> 01:14:13,080 but you have one minute. 968 01:14:13,165 --> 01:14:15,952 Okay. I deserved that. 969 01:14:18,962 --> 01:14:22,129 I should have told you right from the start... 970 01:14:22,216 --> 01:14:23,544 but I was afraid. 971 01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:26,254 Afraid of what? 972 01:14:26,345 --> 01:14:29,797 Afraid that a girl as wonderful as you... 973 01:14:29,891 --> 01:14:32,808 could never fall for a guy who cleans fish tanks. 974 01:14:34,312 --> 01:14:36,850 'Cause that's who I really am. 975 01:14:36,940 --> 01:14:40,641 This whole gigolo thing was just a mistake... 976 01:14:40,736 --> 01:14:43,108 but I'm glad it happened. 977 01:14:44,072 --> 01:14:46,149 'Cause I never would have met you. 978 01:14:47,284 --> 01:14:49,906 I never would have known what love was. 979 01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:52,360 I'm sorry. 980 01:14:52,456 --> 01:14:54,698 I'm not perfect. 981 01:14:58,338 --> 01:15:00,876 I'm not perfect either. 982 01:15:02,717 --> 01:15:04,793 Yes, you are. 983 01:15:04,886 --> 01:15:07,009 You're perfect in every way. 984 01:15:08,140 --> 01:15:10,465 I knew it the moment I met you. 985 01:15:16,482 --> 01:15:18,309 Kate... 986 01:15:19,277 --> 01:15:23,440 "You have a smile that could melt an iceberg. 987 01:15:23,531 --> 01:15:27,944 Your lips are as sweet as honey. 988 01:15:28,036 --> 01:15:30,990 You may only have one leg... 989 01:15:31,081 --> 01:15:33,833 but it's the most beautiful leg in the world." 990 01:15:41,842 --> 01:15:44,380 Are you kissing me? 'Cause I can't feel a thing. 991 01:15:46,681 --> 01:15:48,721 ...now boarding at gate 53. 992 01:15:48,808 --> 01:15:52,012 Flight 1 4 to Sydney, Australia, is now boarding at gate.. 993 01:15:52,103 --> 01:15:54,345 I've never done this in 1 2 hours before... 994 01:15:54,439 --> 01:15:57,013 and I'm not responsible if the seals leak, Deuce. 995 01:15:58,735 --> 01:16:01,143 Shit! Shit cabinet! 996 01:16:10,665 --> 01:16:12,741 Come on, Deucey. Put the fish in the tank already. 997 01:16:12,834 --> 01:16:15,040 Antoine's plane landed 20 minutes ago. 998 01:16:17,005 --> 01:16:19,626 I think we're gonna be okay. 999 01:16:20,967 --> 01:16:23,044 Could you step this way, please? 1000 01:16:25,889 --> 01:16:28,012 Is it time to put the big guy in yet? 1001 01:16:29,894 --> 01:16:32,100 Give him another minute. Temperature's not right. 1002 01:16:41,281 --> 01:16:43,902 Spread them again, please. 1003 01:16:47,454 --> 01:16:49,447 Okay, we can put the last fish in. 1004 01:16:49,539 --> 01:16:52,743 - Looks like we pulled it off, kid. - Time for some tequila! 1005 01:17:00,092 --> 01:17:01,670 Margaritas, anybody? 1006 01:17:22,032 --> 01:17:23,693 I need... 1007 01:17:23,784 --> 01:17:26,988 Chinese tail bar lionfish. 1008 01:17:29,332 --> 01:17:31,574 - Seven hundred, eight hundred. - Where'd you get all that money? 1009 01:17:31,668 --> 01:17:35,713 - Friends. - Yeah, right. Anything else? 1010 01:17:37,466 --> 01:17:39,708 On second thought, you'd better give me some of those sea snails. 1011 01:18:10,125 --> 01:18:12,035 So, uh, how was your trip? 1012 01:18:13,295 --> 01:18:15,169 Very good... 1013 01:18:15,256 --> 01:18:17,249 till about three hours ago. 1014 01:18:17,341 --> 01:18:19,714 Yeah? What happened? 1015 01:18:19,802 --> 01:18:21,925 I don't want to talk about it. 1016 01:18:25,392 --> 01:18:27,384 The place looks good. 1017 01:18:29,104 --> 01:18:30,764 Good to be home. 1018 01:18:30,856 --> 01:18:32,516 I should take off so you can relax. 1019 01:18:32,608 --> 01:18:34,731 There's something you're not telling me? 1020 01:18:37,780 --> 01:18:41,778 Yeah. I put your mail on the nightstand. 1021 01:18:46,497 --> 01:18:47,956 Right. 1022 01:18:52,754 --> 01:18:54,213 What the hell is this? 1023 01:18:54,297 --> 01:18:56,670 A chocolate margarita. 1024 01:18:56,758 --> 01:19:00,210 - You've been having a party? - It was, uh, more like, uh... 1025 01:19:00,304 --> 01:19:02,178 a "welcome home" thing, really. 1026 01:19:05,017 --> 01:19:07,093 I guess I could really use one right now. 1027 01:19:17,447 --> 01:19:19,072 Spicy. 1028 01:19:21,326 --> 01:19:23,615 - I should probably go. - My fish. 1029 01:19:26,498 --> 01:19:27,613 They look smaller. 1030 01:19:30,711 --> 01:19:33,084 Sometimes when they're, uh, sick... 1031 01:19:34,340 --> 01:19:36,333 they'll shrink. 1032 01:19:38,470 --> 01:19:40,047 Hey, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy. 1033 01:19:40,138 --> 01:19:43,887 Hey, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy. 1034 01:19:43,975 --> 01:19:45,802 Hey, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy. 1035 01:20:06,541 --> 01:20:10,242 I did man-whore for a little bit, but none of your clients. 1036 01:20:10,337 --> 01:20:12,413 None of them. 1037 01:20:12,506 --> 01:20:15,377 I know an aquarium guy who can fix all of this. 1038 01:20:15,467 --> 01:20:17,840 - He's a little expensive.. - Ha! 1039 01:20:17,928 --> 01:20:19,886 Deuce! 1040 01:20:25,436 --> 01:20:27,595 No! 1041 01:20:52,090 --> 01:20:53,584 - Deuce! - No! 1042 01:21:17,450 --> 01:21:20,404 Hey! Tough guy. What do you think of this? 1043 01:21:22,330 --> 01:21:24,406 You're busted. 1044 01:21:25,667 --> 01:21:27,245 What's goin' on out here? 1045 01:21:28,837 --> 01:21:31,044 I can see! 1046 01:21:33,551 --> 01:21:36,967 You're black. I knew it. 1047 01:21:48,316 --> 01:21:51,520 Love 1048 01:21:51,611 --> 01:21:53,688 Is what I want 1049 01:21:54,948 --> 01:21:56,858 Oh, yeah 1050 01:21:59,245 --> 01:22:03,243 And all you gotta do is bring it to me, baby 1051 01:22:07,920 --> 01:22:11,040 Talk 1052 01:22:11,132 --> 01:22:13,374 Is what I want 1053 01:22:13,468 --> 01:22:15,627 - What I want - Oh, yeah 1054 01:22:15,720 --> 01:22:16,919 What I want 1055 01:22:18,682 --> 01:22:22,597 And all you gotta do is bring it to me, baby 1056 01:22:27,358 --> 01:22:29,564 - Talk - Come on, let's talk about it 1057 01:22:29,652 --> 01:22:32,108 - Talk - Can't seem to do without it 1058 01:22:32,196 --> 01:22:34,403 - Talk - Don't wanna be one of the 1059 01:22:34,490 --> 01:22:39,200 Broken-hearted 1060 01:22:39,287 --> 01:22:41,529 So lift me up 1061 01:22:41,623 --> 01:22:44,328 Finish what you started 1062 01:22:44,418 --> 01:22:49,045 Take me off for a ride 1063 01:22:49,131 --> 01:22:51,883 Lift me up 1064 01:22:51,967 --> 01:22:54,174 From the broken-hearted 1065 01:22:54,262 --> 01:22:58,888 Rivers deep and wide 1066 01:22:58,975 --> 01:23:00,600 Lift me up 1067 01:23:03,897 --> 01:23:08,773 Take me off for a ride 1068 01:23:08,860 --> 01:23:10,900 Lift me up 1069 01:23:10,988 --> 01:23:13,657 From the broken-hearted 1070 01:23:13,741 --> 01:23:18,486 Rivers deep and wide 1071 01:23:19,622 --> 01:23:22,576 Colour me your colour, baby 1072 01:23:22,667 --> 01:23:26,001 Colour me you rcar 1073 01:23:26,087 --> 01:23:29,373 Colour me Your colour, darling 1074 01:23:29,466 --> 01:23:32,716 I know who you are 1075 01:23:32,803 --> 01:23:36,172 Come up Off your colour chart 1076 01:23:36,265 --> 01:23:39,017 I know where you're coming from 1077 01:23:39,101 --> 01:23:41,936 Call me for a ride 1078 01:23:42,021 --> 01:23:45,853 Call me, call me any, anytime 1079 01:23:45,942 --> 01:23:48,812 Call me, my love 1080 01:23:48,903 --> 01:23:52,604 You can call me any day or night 1081 01:23:52,699 --> 01:23:54,608 Call me 1082 01:23:59,706 --> 01:24:02,992 Cover me with kisses baby 1083 01:24:03,085 --> 01:24:06,371 Cover me with love 1084 01:24:06,463 --> 01:24:09,251 Roll me in designer sheets 1085 01:24:09,342 --> 01:24:13,126 I'll never get enough 1086 01:24:13,221 --> 01:24:16,554 Emotions come I don't know why 1087 01:24:16,641 --> 01:24:20,971 Cover up love's alibi 1088 01:24:21,062 --> 01:24:24,147 Call me for a ride 1089 01:24:24,232 --> 01:24:27,898 Call me, call me any, anytime 1090 01:24:27,986 --> 01:24:30,774 Call me, my love 1091 01:24:30,865 --> 01:24:34,613 When you're ready we can share the wine 1092 01:24:34,702 --> 01:24:36,611 Call me 1093 01:24:41,793 --> 01:24:43,750 Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh 1094 01:24:43,837 --> 01:24:48,499 He speaks the languages of love 1095 01:24:48,592 --> 01:24:53,503 Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh amore, chiamami 1096 01:24:53,597 --> 01:24:55,222 Chiamami 1097 01:24:55,307 --> 01:24:57,099 Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh 1098 01:24:57,184 --> 01:25:01,348 Appelle-moi, mon cherie Appelle-moi 1099 01:25:01,439 --> 01:25:03,147 Anytime, anyplace 1100 01:25:03,232 --> 01:25:07,313 Anywhere, any way 1101 01:25:07,403 --> 01:25:10,689 Anytime, anyplace Anywhere, any day 1102 01:25:10,782 --> 01:25:14,732 Any way 1103 01:25:46,862 --> 01:25:49,982 Call me, my love 1104 01:25:50,074 --> 01:25:53,823 Call me, call me any, anytime 1105 01:25:53,911 --> 01:25:56,699 Call me for a ride 1106 01:25:56,789 --> 01:26:00,490 Call me, call me For some overtime 1107 01:26:00,585 --> 01:26:03,420 Call me, my love 1108 01:26:03,505 --> 01:26:07,170 Call me, call me in a sweet design 1109 01:26:07,259 --> 01:26:10,177 Call me, ohhh-ohh 1110 01:26:10,262 --> 01:26:14,011 Call me, call me call me anytime 1111 01:26:14,100 --> 01:26:16,851 Call me, call me 1112 01:26:16,936 --> 01:26:20,685 For your lover's lover's alibi 1113 01:26:20,773 --> 01:26:23,609 Call me on the line 1114 01:26:23,693 --> 01:26:27,442 Call me, call me any, anytime 1115 01:26:27,531 --> 01:26:30,734 Call me, call me 1116 01:26:30,826 --> 01:26:34,610 Just call me, call me Call me, call me, call me 1117 01:26:34,705 --> 01:26:37,908 Call me, call me Call me, call me, call me 1118 01:26:38,000 --> 01:26:41,535 Call me, call me Call me, call me, call me