1
00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:46,297
Suntan lotion is good for me
2
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,967
You protect me Tee-hee-hee
3
00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:56,057
Oh, the sun tries to burn me,
but you won't let it.
4
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,392
Will ya?
5
00:00:58,476 --> 00:01:00,895
Ultraviolet rays, bad!
6
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,480
Lotion, good.
7
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:10,071
Smiley.
8
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:21,916
There's something important
I was supposed to do today.
9
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:24,252
Have five daiquiris?
10
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:26,754
Nah, nah.
You remembered to do that.
11
00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:33,177
Man, why did I have so many drinks?
I can't remember.
12
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:34,887
What's today?
13
00:01:34,971 --> 00:01:36,347
October?
14
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:40,726
It's nudie magazine day!
15
00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:41,936
Yeah!
16
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,032
Watch out! Watch out!
17
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:57,535
Ooh, you're a quick one.
18
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:09,672
Nudie magazine day!
Nudie magazine day!
19
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:13,426
Nudie magazine day!
Nudie magazine day!
20
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:14,760
Nudie...
21
00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:02,391
Holy geez!
22
00:03:02,475 --> 00:03:04,602
Lookie what we got here.
23
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,605
That silly penguin
is back again.
24
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,607
No, Mr. Madison.
There're no penguin.
25
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,777
You got too much sun today.
There're no penguin!
26
00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:19,200
It's too damn hot for a penguin
to be just walking around here.
27
00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:24,455
I've got to send him
back to the South Pole.
28
00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:27,416
No! No!
29
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:39,136
Penguin!
30
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:41,263
Don't you dare run away!
31
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:46,352
Hey, come here, Mr. Penguin!
32
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,521
I'm one of the good guys.
33
00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:51,607
Don't run. Oh.
34
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,745
Don't... run.
35
00:04:04,829 --> 00:04:07,039
Don't run from me!
36
00:04:08,124 --> 00:04:09,750
Penguin!
37
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,257
Penguin!
38
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:25,433
You're a fast penguin.
39
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,768
Whee-hee!
40
00:04:27,852 --> 00:04:29,728
Call the zoo!
41
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:38,070
All the people at the zoo
are very nice, penguin.
42
00:04:38,154 --> 00:04:42,950
They'll treat you
real respectable-like.
43
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:46,537
There's nothing
to worry about, big fella.
44
00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:49,540
Here I come!
45
00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:01,135
Right this way, gentlemen.
Mr. Madison is expecting you.
46
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,470
Shall we?
47
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:06,891
Leg.
48
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:12,980
Billy! You know you shouldn't
be pulling that crap
49
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,107
in front of your father's
business associates.
50
00:05:15,191 --> 00:05:17,568
You get yourself upstairs
and get ready!
51
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,694
Dinner's in 15 minutes!
52
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:19,820
Yeah, yeah.
53
00:05:19,904 --> 00:05:23,282
Don't "yeah, yeah" me, boy.
This is a very important dinner.
54
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:24,825
You best be there.
55
00:05:24,909 --> 00:05:26,660
I will.
56
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,662
Thank you, Juanita.
57
00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:31,415
You got to dress up
and look nice, too.
58
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:36,170
Oh, that boy's a fine
piece of work, all right!
59
00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:40,132
He's a fine piece of ass,
though, too.
60
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,808
Where the hell is he?
I'm starvin'!
61
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:52,353
I ate some Triscuit crackers
in the car.
62
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:54,230
You should've had some.
63
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:55,814
Well, maybe if you'd told me
64
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:59,318
there were delicious Triscuit crackers,
I could have enjoyed them with you.
65
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,444
I'm sorry.
66
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,530
Well, sorry doesn't put the
Triscuit crackers in my stomach.
67
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:03,739
Does it, Carl?
68
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,282
Gentlemen.
69
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,660
I'm sorry to have
kept you waiting.
70
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,328
Have you all met?
71
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:12,790
Eric Gordon,
my executive vice president.
72
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,209
And our operations manager,
Carl Alphonse.
73
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,503
Sit down, gentlemen.
Sit down.
74
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,672
Beautiful table.
75
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,715
Good seeing you, sir.
76
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,637
Where's Billy?
77
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,934
Juanita said he'd be down
in a few minutes.
78
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,979
I'm sure you'll all
be very impressed.
79
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,814
Shampoo is better!
80
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,942
I go on first
and clean the hair.
81
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,319
Conditioner is better.
82
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:45,906
I leave the hair
silky and smooth.
83
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:48,325
Oh, really, fool?
Really!
84
00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:54,540
Stop looking at me, swan!
85
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:21,150
Carl, what's up?
86
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:22,318
Nothing much, Billy.
87
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:23,611
I see you got
a little sun today.
88
00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:26,822
You think so? I fell asleep
by the pool for a few hours.
89
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:29,950
Did you fall asleep,
or did you pass out?
90
00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:32,953
Shut up!
91
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,248
That's enough, Billy.
92
00:07:36,332 --> 00:07:39,001
Because you took your own sweet-ass
time coming down here tonight,
93
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,128
these gentlemen are going to
miss their last flights home.
94
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:44,214
This guy can stay in my room,
I'll tell you that much.
95
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:54,975
Billy, eat your soup.
96
00:07:55,059 --> 00:07:56,977
It's good soup.
97
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,146
Well, gentlemen,
98
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:02,483
I can't thank you enough for
coming out here this evening.
99
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:07,488
Please, Billy. No gibberish tonight.
Please, I beg you.
100
00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:10,074
Sorry, Daddy.
101
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,825
This is a big night
for me tonight.
102
00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:14,328
I have an important
announcement to make.
103
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,875
That's it, Billy.
Get the hell out of here!
104
00:08:33,097 --> 00:08:35,265
Nice talking to you, Billy.
105
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,782
All right.
One, two, three!
106
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,829
Hey, Billy, how come you
ain't pounding any tonight?
107
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:59,415
I don't know.
My dad was yelling at me.
108
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:02,584
I'm just not in the mood.
109
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:05,546
Hey, Billy, who would you
rather bone,
110
00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:08,424
Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
111
00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:12,636
Jack Nicholson now or 1974?
112
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,389
'74.
113
00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:17,391
Meg Ryan.
114
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:20,227
Go! Go!
ALLI Go, go, go!
115
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:24,022
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
116
00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:26,900
Oh, my God!
I am the winner.
117
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:29,319
Billy is not an idiot.
118
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,447
I'm not saying he's an idiot.
I just think he might not be
119
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:35,659
mature enough to run
a Fortune 500 company.
120
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,954
My late wife, Emily, and I
started this company
121
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:42,332
with a 15-unit motel
in Patchogue, Long Island.
122
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,918
We built it into 650 hotels.
123
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:49,923
Our dream was to one day turn
it over to our only son, Billy.
124
00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:51,759
Carl, how many people
work for Madison?
125
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,385
61,000 and change.
126
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,929
How long are those people
gonna have jobs once Billy
127
00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:58,849
has the hotel operators
speaking gibberish?
128
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:08,108
Oh, Billy, Billy boy!
129
00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:11,862
When are you gonna find whatever
it is you're looking for?
130
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,656
Here's a nice piece of shit.
131
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,951
Gaw! Eew!
132
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:24,374
My, oh, my! Wait till old man
Clemens realizes it's a bag of shit!
133
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:27,628
He gonna shit when he
realizes it's shit!
134
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,713
Who got the lighter?
135
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,392
Light it!
136
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,819
Come on, Billy.
137
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:54,530
Oh, my God!
Old man Clemens hates shit!
138
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,114
Here he comes!
139
00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:58,617
Who the hell is it?
What do you want?
140
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:01,745
Judas Priest!
It's one of those flaming bags again!
141
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:04,623
Don't put it out
with your boots, Ted!
142
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:07,125
Don't tell me my business,
devil woman!
143
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:10,546
Call the fire department!
This one's out of control.
144
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,390
Yuck! Poop again!
145
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,016
He called the shit "poop!"
146
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,771
This is the best night
of my life.
147
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:31,984
I'll get you damn kids for this.
You're all gonna die!
148
00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:38,991
Billy, could you
step in here for a moment?
149
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,784
I have big news.
150
00:11:40,993 --> 00:11:45,163
Eric is pregnant!
Congratulations!
151
00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:47,541
Feel those kicks.
He's gonna be a soccer player.
152
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:50,669
He is. He is.
153
00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:57,676
All right, what's up?
154
00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,220
I've had to face some hard
truths tonight, Billy.
155
00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:03,056
Dad? Do we have to do this
with Captain Dipshit here?
156
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,808
You were brought up
with every advantage.
157
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:07,227
I bought you everything,
158
00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:10,147
toys, cars, vacations, clothes.
159
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,816
Actually, I stole
this shirt from Frank.
160
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,235
Yeah, well, whatever.
It's all my fault.
161
00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:17,946
I made a mistake.
See...
162
00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:23,285
Are you some damned moron?
Can't you just stop for two seconds?
163
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,746
I'm trying to tell you
that I'm retiring,
164
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:28,874
and Eric, not you, is going
to take over Madison Hotels.
165
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,083
Eric?
166
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:34,254
You're gonna give the company
to Eric? He is a bad, bad man.
167
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:39,301
What do you care, Billy? What do you care
who I appoint to run the company, huh?
168
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,595
I mean, I'm doing you a favor.
169
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,805
You don't ever have to
look for a job.
170
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:46,308
Yeah. Now you can sit around
here all day goofing off,
171
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:49,019
sipping drinks,
chasing invisible penguins.
172
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,814
Is that it, Dad?
Did the penguin tell you to do this?
173
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:53,982
Penguin?
174
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,192
What an idiot!
175
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:58,111
You know, I could help Billy
until he gets the hang of it.
176
00:12:58,195 --> 00:12:59,988
I think Crazy Carl is right.
177
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:02,950
I mean, I can do this
if I set my mind to it!
178
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,243
High school was a pain in the
ass, but I graduated.
179
00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:08,622
You graduated because I paid your
teachers to give you decent grades.
180
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:11,833
I've regretted it every day since.
I thought at the time
181
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:15,462
that if you could get good grades,
you might get into a good college
182
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,381
and straighten yourself out.
183
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,548
I don't believe that.
184
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:19,800
What do you believe?
185
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,135
That you were an honor student?
186
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:23,887
How could I hand over my company
187
00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:27,557
to someone who couldn't even
get through school on his own?
188
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:28,642
I don't know.
189
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,478
Don't think about it.
Just hand it over.
190
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,107
Forget it!
191
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:39,611
Well, listen. Don't you think
you better go up to bed, hmm?
192
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:42,239
Big day tomorrow.
A day filled with
193
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,242
daiquiris, Nintendos
and jack-off magazines.
194
00:13:48,412 --> 00:13:50,122
Dad!
195
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,999
Yeah, what?
196
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,544
Give me one more chance.
I'll prove I can take over.
197
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:59,006
I'll do anything it takes. I'll go back
to high school and take the exams again.
198
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,633
And I'll get my diploma
all by myself.
199
00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:04,428
Billy, it wasn't just
high school!
200
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,015
Remember that spelling bee
you won in the first grade?
201
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,933
Oh, no, you didn't!
202
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:14,062
Rock. R-O-K.
203
00:14:14,146 --> 00:14:16,857
Yeah.
So what's your point?
204
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,483
R-O-C-K!
205
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:20,318
The "C" is silent.
206
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,655
Okay. All right.
207
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:24,740
All right, you got it.
208
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:28,410
First grade through twelfth
grade, all over again.
209
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,621
I'll do each grade in two weeks.
210
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,082
Take the test, re-graduate,
211
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:38,503
prove to you I'm not an idiot, and
then I get to take over Madison Hotels.
212
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,299
That's some idea.
213
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,761
You just think of that?
Yeah, I did.
214
00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:47,888
It's pretty good, huh?
215
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:53,310
Brian, don't you think the future of
Madison Hotels and its 61,000 employees
216
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,937
is too important to gamble
on a game like this?
217
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,064
No.
218
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:02,319
You're on.
Carl, you make the arrangements.
219
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,281
You pass every grade
before June 15,
220
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,658
and you take over
instead of Eric.
221
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,704
Have a nice weekend, Son.
222
00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:14,790
You start school on Monday.
223
00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:18,335
Give 'em hell, Bill.
224
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:24,508
Nice try, ass wipe,
but you're just delaying the inevitable.
225
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,563
Where's my Snack Pack?
226
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,399
You've got a banana.
You don't need no Snack Pack.
227
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,944
You know I like Snack Pack.
Why can't you just give me a Snack Pack?
228
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:28,488
I thought I was your Snack Pack.
229
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:29,781
What are you talking about?
230
00:16:29,865 --> 00:16:31,241
Nothing.
231
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,785
Bill, you're gonna miss the bus!
232
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:36,788
Yeah, you better get your
beautiful buns up that driveway.
233
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:38,081
What a weirdo!
234
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:46,590
Oh,
back to school Back to school
235
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:50,677
To prove to Dad
that I'm not a fool
236
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:54,014
I got my lunch packed up
237
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,057
My boots tied tight
238
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:59,436
I hope I don't get in a fight
239
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:04,441
Oh, back to school
Back to school
240
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,276
Back to school
241
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,698
Well, here goes nothing.
242
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,219
Thank you, Daddy.
243
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,478
Come on. Hurry up.
We're gonna be late!
244
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:48,860
Hi. How ya doing?
245
00:17:48,944 --> 00:17:49,945
Fine.
246
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,072
Are you going to class
today too?
247
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:55,075
I'll be going to class
to teach. How about you?
248
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,494
I'll be going to learn.
249
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,288
Uh, you must be Billy Madison.
250
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,082
Yes, I am.
251
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:04,876
Don't you think it's pathetic that
just because of who your father is,
252
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,753
you get to come
do school all over again?
253
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,088
Yes, I do.
254
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,631
Well, as long as you know.
255
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,508
Well, all right!
256
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:17,889
Wait up!
257
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,781
Hey, mister, guess
what I had for breakfast.
258
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:35,949
What?
259
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,242
Beans!
260
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,500
Scotty likes beans.
Don't you, Scotty?
261
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:47,794
Hi. How you doing?
262
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:50,130
Let's involve the class.
263
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,882
Quiet down, my special people.
264
00:18:55,051 --> 00:19:00,098
I want you all to meet
our new friend Billy.
265
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:02,350
Can everyone say hello to Billy?
266
00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:04,811
Hello, Billy.
267
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,229
Hi.
268
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:10,775
Billy is going to be sharing our fun
and learning for the next two weeks.
269
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,902
Billy is special,
270
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,905
just like each and every one of you.
271
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,783
And what do we do
to our special people?
272
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,618
I wanna hug.
273
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,413
Hi.
274
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,207
Yeah, I wanna hug, too, please.
275
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:28,001
All right.
All right!
276
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:34,883
Billy, why don't you take
a seat right up front?
277
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:40,013
And we can start... story time!
278
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,098
You've got a misshaped head.
279
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:44,476
Thank you.
280
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:52,317
The Puppy Who Lost His Way,
by Chrissy Taylor.
281
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,946
"One fine morning,
282
00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:00,492
"a puppy popped his puppy Paws
283
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:03,036
"out of his puppy house.
284
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,955
"This was no ordinary puppy.
285
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:11,336
"This puppy was the happiest
puppy in the whole world.
286
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:15,131
"In fact, his name was Happy.
287
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,967
"Happy looked through
the bushes...
288
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:21,930
"I'll never let you get lost
again," cried the little boy,
289
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,723
"who was so happy
290
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,892
"that he gave Happy a kiss
291
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:29,896
"on his wet little puppy nose.
292
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,272
"The end."
293
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:35,151
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Miss Lippy,
294
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,070
the part of the story
I don't like
295
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:40,615
is that the little boy gave up
looking for Happy after an hour.
296
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,492
He didn't put posters up
or anything.
297
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,745
He just sat on the porch
like a goon and waited.
298
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:46,913
That little boy's got to think,
299
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:50,333
you got a pet,
you got a responsibility.
300
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:54,212
If your dog is lost, you don't look
for an hour then call it quits.
301
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:58,133
You get your ass out there,
and you find that fucking dog!
302
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:04,889
I think it's time
to play dodge ball.
303
00:21:21,531 --> 00:21:24,159
You're out!
O'Doyle rules!
304
00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:49,684
Billy, what are you doing back?
305
00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,728
I'm out.
306
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,355
Well,
307
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:57,650
that just means you stay off to
the side until a new game starts.
308
00:21:57,734 --> 00:21:59,611
That's okay.
I'm tired anyways.
309
00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:01,905
I'll just sit here
and color or something.
310
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:06,451
Billy, dodge ball time
is a special time.
311
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:10,288
Not just for you boys and
girls but for Miss Lippy too.
312
00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:11,581
So stay outside.
313
00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:24,135
Whoa!
314
00:22:24,219 --> 00:22:25,178
Wow!
315
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:27,972
Now you're all
in big, big trouble.
316
00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:42,195
You're out! Oh, yeah!
317
00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:51,371
Lunchtime!
318
00:22:58,419 --> 00:23:00,672
I bet that Snack Pack's
pretty good.
319
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:06,219
Wanna trade me the rest of it
for this banana?
320
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:10,682
You know how badly
I can beat you, right?
321
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:18,064
Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis
is the best video game ever.
322
00:23:18,147 --> 00:23:20,108
I disagree.
It's a very good game,
323
00:23:20,191 --> 00:23:22,652
but I think Donkey Kong
is the best game ever.
324
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:24,237
Donkey Kong sucks!
325
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,531
You know somethin'?
You suck!
326
00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:18,958
Hey! Ooh!
327
00:24:19,042 --> 00:24:22,045
That's very nice of you to pick up
your little brother here at school.
328
00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:25,298
He's not my brother.
He's my son.
329
00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:27,717
You got to be kidding me.
330
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,428
Mom, that's Billy.
He's in my class.
331
00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:32,972
I heard he's retarded
or something.
332
00:24:35,892 --> 00:24:37,310
Your son's got
a very creative mind.
333
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:39,812
Maybe someday he'll make Mommy
and Daddy a lot of money.
334
00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:43,816
Daddy's in prison,
and he won't be home for a long time.
335
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:46,944
My dear Lord! Yeah!
336
00:24:47,737 --> 00:24:50,448
Well, I got to get going now.
I got to get on the bus.
337
00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:53,701
I ride the bus for the city
and watch the bus drivers.
338
00:24:53,785 --> 00:24:55,495
Kind of this program
they've got to make sure...
339
00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:58,748
Billy! Billy,
you forgot your stuff.
340
00:25:05,755 --> 00:25:06,839
Come on, honey.
341
00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:09,258
Thank you very much, Miss Lippy!
342
00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:16,724
- Yes'?
- Brian Madison for you.
343
00:25:16,808 --> 00:25:18,893
Tell him I'm out to lunch.
344
00:25:20,061 --> 00:25:22,105
Billy Madison.
345
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,982
A buffoon... and yet,
346
00:25:25,066 --> 00:25:28,152
a threat to my eventual
takeover of this company.
347
00:25:28,236 --> 00:25:31,698
A menace. And what do we
do with a menace?
348
00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:33,866
We eliminate it.
349
00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:36,411
We eliminate Billy Madison.
350
00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:37,537
Tricia Labonte.
351
00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:39,080
Here.
352
00:25:40,623 --> 00:25:41,624
Scotty Logan.
353
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:42,959
Here.
354
00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:45,795
Billy Madison.
355
00:26:24,751 --> 00:26:26,669
Hey!
356
00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:28,671
Look at all this milk.
357
00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:30,673
You want some of this milk?
358
00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:32,925
That milk
belongs to that classroom.
359
00:26:33,009 --> 00:26:36,763
Oh, they don't gots to know about it.
It could be our milk.
360
00:26:36,888 --> 00:26:40,349
No milk will ever be our milk.
361
00:26:40,433 --> 00:26:42,602
That wasn't very nice.
362
00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:46,147
How 'bout you, sideburns?
You want some of this milk?
363
00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:48,149
I'd rather have a beer.
364
00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:24,811
I drew the duck blue because I've
never seen a blue duck before.
365
00:27:24,894 --> 00:27:27,647
And to be honest with you,
I wanted to see a blue duck.
366
00:27:27,730 --> 00:27:29,982
Well, it's
an excellent blue duck.
367
00:27:31,067 --> 00:27:33,194
Congratulations.
368
00:27:33,277 --> 00:27:35,363
You just passed the first grade.
369
00:27:35,446 --> 00:27:37,949
Oh, Miss Lippy!
That's so great!
370
00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:40,243
What do you think of that,
Mr. Blue Duck?
371
00:27:40,326 --> 00:27:42,620
That's quack-tastic!
Quack, quack, quack.
372
00:27:43,955 --> 00:27:46,666
Candy!
373
00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:48,835
Wow! Look at all that candy!
374
00:27:49,460 --> 00:27:50,878
Rolex!
375
00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:55,925
Thanks for the watch, Billy.
376
00:27:56,008 --> 00:27:58,302
You're welcome, buddy.
377
00:27:58,469 --> 00:28:01,055
Well, this is great.
When I graduated first grade,
378
00:28:01,138 --> 00:28:04,225
all my father did
was tell me to get a job.
379
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,812
Hey, you wanna feed
that donkey some beer?
380
00:28:07,895 --> 00:28:09,438
Get it all messed up?
381
00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:11,190
Maybe later.
382
00:28:11,274 --> 00:28:12,692
I'll go put
some beer in a bucket.
383
00:28:12,775 --> 00:28:14,277
Okay.
384
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,988
Hey, there, Mr. Graduate.
How's it going?
385
00:28:17,071 --> 00:28:18,114
Go!
386
00:28:22,326 --> 00:28:24,829
Come on, kid.
Get up! Get up!
387
00:28:24,912 --> 00:28:27,665
You're humiliating yourself!
Get up!
388
00:28:30,334 --> 00:28:32,295
Whoa! Whoa!
389
00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:36,007
Whoa! Whoa-oa-oa!
390
00:28:45,182 --> 00:28:48,227
That's funny.
391
00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:52,732
Oh, my-
392
00:28:52,815 --> 00:28:55,484
So he's passed first grade,
and he's moved on to second.
393
00:28:55,568 --> 00:28:57,236
Whoop-tee-do!
394
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,780
Any more information, Rollo?
395
00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:05,995
Billy likes to drink soda.
396
00:29:09,415 --> 00:29:12,543
Miss Lippy's car is green.
397
00:29:15,546 --> 00:29:19,091
And now we have
just two students left.
398
00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:22,803
Bath.
399
00:29:22,887 --> 00:29:25,056
Bath.
400
00:29:25,139 --> 00:29:30,478
B-A-T-H. Bath.
401
00:29:30,561 --> 00:29:31,771
Correct!
402
00:29:31,854 --> 00:29:33,189
Bath. That's a little easy.
403
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:35,942
Why don't you just
give her the trophy?
404
00:29:37,485 --> 00:29:38,736
Cheese.
405
00:29:41,072 --> 00:29:42,531
Cheese.
406
00:29:42,615 --> 00:29:49,121
C-H-E-E-S-E.
407
00:29:49,497 --> 00:29:50,539
Cheese.
408
00:29:50,623 --> 00:29:52,041
Correct.
409
00:29:53,376 --> 00:29:55,169
Couch.
410
00:29:55,252 --> 00:29:57,713
Couch.
411
00:30:00,257 --> 00:30:01,884
C-
412
00:30:01,968 --> 00:30:05,262
O-W...
413
00:30:05,346 --> 00:30:07,223
No!
414
00:30:07,306 --> 00:30:10,267
No, I'm sorry.
That's not right.
415
00:30:11,978 --> 00:30:15,940
Well, Billy, if you spell this
correctly, you pass second grade.
416
00:30:18,359 --> 00:30:21,570
Couch. C...
417
00:30:22,780 --> 00:30:25,825
Cow. Cow.
418
00:30:27,243 --> 00:30:31,914
C-O-R...
419
00:30:31,998 --> 00:30:34,667
Are you going to the mall later?
That's what I'm asking.
420
00:30:34,750 --> 00:30:38,337
No, I am not going to the mall.
Keep spelling, mister.
421
00:30:39,255 --> 00:30:45,219
C-O-U-C-H.
422
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:48,305
Correct!
423
00:30:48,389 --> 00:30:51,058
I am the smartest man alive!
424
00:30:57,898 --> 00:31:01,068
He gonna have a stupid party
every time he passes a grade?
425
00:31:01,152 --> 00:31:04,238
Everybody's having
a good time but you.
426
00:31:04,321 --> 00:31:06,615
Spoiled snot!
Get outta here.
427
00:31:07,575 --> 00:31:09,785
Let me ask you something, Carl.
428
00:31:09,869 --> 00:31:12,788
You started here,
what, 25 years ago?
429
00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:15,499
Night bellboy
at the Philadelphia Madison?
430
00:31:15,583 --> 00:31:18,002
After all your hard work,
how would you feel
431
00:31:18,085 --> 00:31:21,839
working for some
punk kid like Billy?
432
00:31:21,964 --> 00:31:23,883
Could be worse.
433
00:31:26,969 --> 00:31:28,471
That's nice.
434
00:31:31,474 --> 00:31:32,808
Man, I'm so nervous.
435
00:31:32,892 --> 00:31:35,811
First and second grade were easy,
but social studies, division.
436
00:31:35,895 --> 00:31:37,813
This is gonna be tough!
437
00:31:40,232 --> 00:31:42,068
Man, I'm so nervous.
438
00:31:42,151 --> 00:31:44,653
First and second grade were easy,
but social studies, division.
439
00:31:44,737 --> 00:31:45,905
This is gonna be tough!
440
00:31:45,988 --> 00:31:47,323
Relax, dude.
441
00:31:49,575 --> 00:31:51,035
Jackpot!
442
00:31:51,118 --> 00:31:52,578
Good morning, class.
443
00:31:52,703 --> 00:31:55,623
Good morning, Miss Vaughn.
444
00:31:55,706 --> 00:31:57,625
We're gonna start today
by reading together
445
00:31:57,708 --> 00:32:00,127
a short story entitled,
"My Sister, Fanny."
446
00:32:00,211 --> 00:32:03,255
Quiet!
447
00:32:03,339 --> 00:32:05,758
Let's all open up
our Reading ls Fun books
448
00:32:05,841 --> 00:32:07,176
to page 69.
449
00:32:07,259 --> 00:32:08,344
Sixty-nine!
450
00:32:12,181 --> 00:32:15,017
Class, say hello
to Billy Madison.
451
00:32:15,101 --> 00:32:17,978
Hello, Billy Madison.
452
00:32:18,521 --> 00:32:21,524
Billy is a nuisance.
He will be gone in two weeks.
453
00:32:21,607 --> 00:32:24,193
I apologize for
this inconvenience.
454
00:32:25,528 --> 00:32:27,071
Geez, what's up her butt?
455
00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:28,781
What was that, Billy?
456
00:32:28,864 --> 00:32:31,992
I said,
"Reading is good."
457
00:32:32,076 --> 00:32:34,203
Can we start the story now?
458
00:32:36,956 --> 00:32:39,708
Dan, you may begin.
459
00:32:39,792 --> 00:32:41,585
"Once
460
00:32:41,669 --> 00:32:44,630
"there was
461
00:32:44,713 --> 00:32:47,424
"a girl
462
00:32:47,508 --> 00:32:49,426
"who wanted to..."
463
00:32:49,510 --> 00:32:50,928
Kid can't even read.
464
00:32:51,220 --> 00:32:53,472
Cut it out, dude.
You're gonna get us in trouble.
465
00:32:53,556 --> 00:32:55,099
"fly an..."
466
00:32:58,227 --> 00:33:00,271
Today, junior!
467
00:33:10,406 --> 00:33:13,159
You're tearing my ear off!
468
00:33:13,242 --> 00:33:15,661
Making fun of a little kid
for trying to read!
469
00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:18,247
Are you psycho?
Do you not have a soul?
470
00:33:18,330 --> 00:33:21,876
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
I've been physically abused in the ear.
471
00:33:21,959 --> 00:33:25,045
You keep your mouth shut for the next
two weeks, or I'm gonna fail you.
472
00:33:25,129 --> 00:33:26,881
End of story.
473
00:33:26,964 --> 00:33:28,507
I see your lips moving,
474
00:33:28,591 --> 00:33:31,343
but I can't make out
the words. I'm deaf!
475
00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:35,347
Oh, Veronica Vaughn!
476
00:33:35,431 --> 00:33:38,976
So hot Want to touch the heinie
477
00:33:41,437 --> 00:33:43,147
You know that girlie
I've been chasing?
478
00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:45,232
Turns out she's
my third grade teacher.
479
00:33:45,316 --> 00:33:47,693
First thing she does is
kick me out of her class.
480
00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:50,821
Maybe she feels she has
to make an example of you.
481
00:33:50,905 --> 00:33:52,406
Or maybe she's got
something up her ass.
482
00:33:52,489 --> 00:33:53,991
That's what I said.
483
00:33:54,074 --> 00:33:55,075
Poor Billy.
484
00:33:55,159 --> 00:33:56,619
I'm so depressed.
485
00:33:57,411 --> 00:33:59,246
You want me
to take my shirt off for you?
486
00:33:59,330 --> 00:34:01,290
No, thank you.
Okay, baby.
487
00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:04,126
But remember,
the offer is on the table.
488
00:34:06,337 --> 00:34:07,713
Oh, yes!
489
00:34:07,796 --> 00:34:09,798
Oh, my!
490
00:34:10,049 --> 00:34:12,635
Oh, God, yes. Lordy.
491
00:34:12,801 --> 00:34:14,011
Billy Madison!
492
00:34:15,554 --> 00:34:19,642
Would you like to try writing some words
in cursive on the blackboard today?
493
00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:21,185
Okay. Sure.
494
00:34:28,776 --> 00:34:31,487
Okay. How about
the word "dugout"?
495
00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:43,749
Good. How about "bunt"?
496
00:34:52,758 --> 00:34:56,011
Bunt. B-U-N-T.
497
00:34:56,345 --> 00:35:00,099
In perfect cursive.
Any more brain-busters?
498
00:35:02,184 --> 00:35:03,519
"Rizzuto."
499
00:35:10,859 --> 00:35:12,236
"Z."
500
00:35:12,319 --> 00:35:13,362
"Z."
501
00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:23,706
"Rirruto"?
502
00:35:24,707 --> 00:35:26,542
Those are "Z's."
503
00:35:27,209 --> 00:35:29,003
They look like "R's" to me.
504
00:35:29,086 --> 00:35:31,213
That's not fair.
"Rizzuto" is not a word!
505
00:35:31,297 --> 00:35:33,716
He's a baseball player!
You're cheating!
506
00:35:34,633 --> 00:35:36,927
Would you like to try
the word "buzz"?
507
00:35:39,305 --> 00:35:42,141
I hate cursive,
and I hate all of you!
508
00:35:42,224 --> 00:35:44,768
I'm never coming back
to school! Never!
509
00:35:51,275 --> 00:35:53,193
Billy!
510
00:36:01,952 --> 00:36:04,038
I swear to God I'm sick.
I can't go to school.
511
00:36:04,121 --> 00:36:07,750
If you're gonna stay home today,
you can help me shave my armpits.
512
00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:11,086
Oh, my God! I'll go to school.
513
00:36:15,299 --> 00:36:16,925
O'Doyle rules!
514
00:36:24,475 --> 00:36:27,186
What's going on?
515
00:36:27,269 --> 00:36:29,355
Miss Vaughn's sick.
516
00:36:32,775 --> 00:36:35,486
Please take your seats.
517
00:36:36,820 --> 00:36:39,031
Who's that guy?
518
00:36:39,114 --> 00:36:40,491
Principal Anderson.
519
00:36:41,116 --> 00:36:43,369
Quiet, everyone!
520
00:36:43,452 --> 00:36:46,872
As you can tell,
Miss Vaughn is not feeling well today.
521
00:36:46,955 --> 00:36:48,707
So I'll be taking her place.
522
00:36:48,791 --> 00:36:51,960
But don't get your hopes up,
because I plan on teaching.
523
00:36:52,044 --> 00:36:55,130
So I hope you plan on learning.
524
00:36:55,214 --> 00:37:00,135
Now, who can tell me where we
are in our social studies reader?
525
00:37:00,302 --> 00:37:03,222
Yes? Michael?
526
00:37:04,765 --> 00:37:07,851
Excuse me.
What's that in your hand?
527
00:37:09,645 --> 00:37:11,730
Bring that note up to me.
528
00:37:18,153 --> 00:37:21,698
Now let's see what couldn't
wait till after class.
529
00:37:27,371 --> 00:37:31,500
"We're so lucky to have
Principal Anderson substituting.
530
00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:37,131
"Now we have the privilege of staring
at that tub of lard all day long.
531
00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:44,221
"If I were him, I would walk my fat
ass right into oncoming traffic."
532
00:37:47,808 --> 00:37:49,143
Oh, man, Billy.
533
00:37:49,226 --> 00:37:51,645
I just thought of
the funniest thing.
534
00:37:52,104 --> 00:37:54,356
Billy?
535
00:37:55,524 --> 00:37:57,234
Where's Billy?
536
00:37:57,317 --> 00:37:59,528
He's in school, man.
537
00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:01,029
Oh, yeah!
538
00:38:52,164 --> 00:38:54,416
You know, I don't wanna sound
like a weirdo,
539
00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:56,710
but I kinda missed
Miss Vaughn today.
540
00:38:56,793 --> 00:38:58,295
Why? Do you like her
or something?
541
00:38:58,378 --> 00:38:59,713
No!
542
00:38:59,796 --> 00:39:01,340
Why? She say
she likes me?
543
00:39:01,423 --> 00:39:02,883
Not to me.
544
00:39:02,966 --> 00:39:05,594
Well, let's find out.
545
00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:19,983
Hello.
546
00:39:20,359 --> 00:39:22,444
Is this Miss Vaughn?
547
00:39:22,528 --> 00:39:24,530
Oh, hi.
It's Ernie from class.
548
00:39:24,613 --> 00:39:27,574
Ask her if she has a boyfriend.
549
00:39:27,658 --> 00:39:31,411
Miss Vaughn,
do you have a boyfriend?
550
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,332
No.
551
00:39:35,457 --> 00:39:37,376
Ask her...
Shh!
552
00:39:37,459 --> 00:39:39,336
Ask her if she likes anybody
553
00:39:39,419 --> 00:39:41,338
from class
like more than a friend.
554
00:39:42,631 --> 00:39:46,009
Miss Vaughn,
do you like anybody in class
555
00:39:46,093 --> 00:39:47,844
more than a friend?
556
00:39:51,848 --> 00:39:52,975
No.
557
00:39:54,893 --> 00:39:58,272
Ask her if she would ever go
out with somebody from class.
558
00:39:58,355 --> 00:40:00,357
No! Just do it!
559
00:40:02,651 --> 00:40:04,278
Miss Vaughn, would you
560
00:40:04,361 --> 00:40:07,281
ever go out with
anybody from class?
561
00:40:12,202 --> 00:40:15,581
You see, Ernie, grown-ups
like to go out with other grown-ups.
562
00:40:15,664 --> 00:40:16,873
What about Billy?
563
00:40:16,957 --> 00:40:19,042
You're more of a grown-up
than Billy.
564
00:40:19,126 --> 00:40:20,294
I'll give you a grown-up!
565
00:40:20,377 --> 00:40:21,670
What was that, Ernie?
566
00:40:21,753 --> 00:40:24,673
Nothing. See you tomorrow
in class, Miss Vaughn.
567
00:40:26,091 --> 00:40:27,509
You blew it!
568
00:40:33,890 --> 00:40:38,562
Hey, I dare you to throw your
sandwich at the bus driver.
569
00:40:38,854 --> 00:40:42,274
Do it! Come on!
570
00:40:44,192 --> 00:40:45,861
Hey!
571
00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:47,237
Who threw that?
572
00:40:50,490 --> 00:40:52,951
I'll turn this damn bus around.
573
00:40:53,035 --> 00:40:57,998
That'll end your precious little
field trip pretty damn quick, huh?
574
00:40:59,041 --> 00:41:00,459
Little shit.
575
00:41:07,883 --> 00:41:11,720
I'm trying to score points with the
teacher today. Don't screw it up!
576
00:41:12,346 --> 00:41:15,098
I dare you to touch her boobs.
577
00:41:15,182 --> 00:41:16,308
Touch her boobs?
578
00:41:16,391 --> 00:41:18,393
That's assault, brother.
579
00:41:22,564 --> 00:41:24,983
Do you double dare me?
580
00:41:31,448 --> 00:41:35,744
Miss Vaughn, how long till we get there?
I have to go to the bathroom.
581
00:41:35,911 --> 00:41:38,163
Probably about 10 minutes.
582
00:41:38,622 --> 00:41:40,415
Sorry about that.
583
00:41:40,499 --> 00:41:42,042
Damn guy drives like an animal.
584
00:41:43,418 --> 00:41:46,963
That's all right, Billy.
Why don't you go back and sit down now?
585
00:41:47,047 --> 00:41:49,508
Okay.
I double dare you.
586
00:41:49,591 --> 00:41:51,718
That... I...
Accident.
587
00:41:51,802 --> 00:41:54,262
Mistake. Tit.
588
00:41:54,346 --> 00:41:56,473
Go sit down.
Yes.
589
00:42:03,939 --> 00:42:07,693
Yeah. Here we go again.
Another treat from the road.
590
00:42:07,776 --> 00:42:11,571
Grand! Great banana.
Trick of the day.
591
00:42:15,033 --> 00:42:17,035
What is a horseshoe?
592
00:42:17,119 --> 00:42:19,121
What does a horseshoe do?
593
00:42:19,246 --> 00:42:21,456
Are there any horse socks?
594
00:42:22,165 --> 00:42:24,251
Is anybody listening to me?
595
00:42:24,334 --> 00:42:26,878
Anyways, Miss Vaughn,
I am sorry about what happened back there,
596
00:42:26,962 --> 00:42:30,215
but you have to admit I've
been trying to be good lately.
597
00:42:30,298 --> 00:42:33,969
You're not the first person
that's tried to grab my chest.
598
00:42:34,052 --> 00:42:36,304
I'm really trying not to
hold you to a higher standard
599
00:42:36,388 --> 00:42:37,723
than the rest of the students.
600
00:42:37,806 --> 00:42:40,434
Although maybe I should.
You are what, 50?
601
00:42:40,726 --> 00:42:43,812
No. It's just that the other
kids kind of look up to me.
602
00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:45,564
I don't want them
to think I'm a coward.
603
00:42:45,647 --> 00:42:46,982
Don't worry about it.
604
00:42:47,065 --> 00:42:49,109
Next week you'll have another
bunch of kids to impress
605
00:42:49,192 --> 00:42:50,610
and another teacher to annoy.
606
00:42:50,694 --> 00:42:53,238
I don't want to annoy
another teacher, Miss Vaughn.
607
00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:55,699
I want to annoy you.
Miss Vaughn!
608
00:42:55,824 --> 00:42:58,368
Miss Vaughn!
Miss Vaughn!
609
00:42:58,452 --> 00:43:00,412
Somebody stole all our lunches.
610
00:43:00,495 --> 00:43:02,456
Who would steal 30 bag lunches?
611
00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:13,049
I'll tell you
who took those lunches.
612
00:43:13,133 --> 00:43:15,218
That damn Sasquatch.
613
00:43:16,553 --> 00:43:17,804
Well, I guess that's it.
614
00:43:17,888 --> 00:43:19,556
Okay, everybody.
Back on the bus!
615
00:43:20,849 --> 00:43:22,559
What's with Ernie?
616
00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:24,352
I don't know.
I'll be right back.
617
00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:30,233
Hey, Ernie!
What's up?
618
00:43:30,317 --> 00:43:31,693
Nothing.
619
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,114
You falling in love
with the wall or something?
620
00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:38,450
I had an accident.
621
00:43:38,533 --> 00:43:40,285
You had an accident?
What does that mean?
622
00:43:40,368 --> 00:43:42,287
Gooo!
623
00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:44,956
Oh, I know. Okay.
624
00:43:47,834 --> 00:43:51,129
Don't worry, buddy. Hang tight.
I'll be right back.
625
00:43:59,137 --> 00:44:02,015
Hey, look, everybody.
Billy peed his pants.
626
00:44:02,098 --> 00:44:04,226
Of course I peed my pants!
627
00:44:04,309 --> 00:44:07,270
Everybody my age pees their pants.
It's the coolest.
628
00:44:07,354 --> 00:44:09,397
Really?
Yes!
629
00:44:09,481 --> 00:44:13,151
You ain't cool
unless you pee your pants.
630
00:44:13,235 --> 00:44:17,823
Wow! Hey, man!
Ernie peed his pants too.
631
00:44:17,906 --> 00:44:19,825
All right!
632
00:44:19,908 --> 00:44:20,992
Cool!
633
00:44:23,203 --> 00:44:27,958
If peeing your pants is cool,
consider me Miles Davis.
634
00:44:29,584 --> 00:44:32,546
That was the grossest thing
I've ever heard in my life!
635
00:44:32,629 --> 00:44:34,422
Let's go!
636
00:44:34,506 --> 00:44:36,842
Let's get on the bus here.
637
00:44:36,925 --> 00:44:40,846
Move it! Get up there.
Dial 1257.
638
00:44:40,929 --> 00:44:45,058
Move it or lose it!
Get on the...
639
00:44:45,141 --> 00:44:47,936
Hi, Miss Vaughn.
Nice to see ya.
640
00:44:55,443 --> 00:44:57,612
That Veronica Vaughn
641
00:44:57,696 --> 00:45:01,867
is one piece of "ace."
642
00:45:01,950 --> 00:45:04,369
I know from experience, dude,
643
00:45:04,452 --> 00:45:06,246
if you know what I mean.
644
00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:08,373
No, you don't.
645
00:45:08,456 --> 00:45:10,876
Well, not me personally,
but a guy I know.
646
00:45:10,959 --> 00:45:13,295
Him and her got it on!
647
00:45:15,922 --> 00:45:18,258
No, they didn't.
648
00:45:18,341 --> 00:45:20,969
No, no, no. They didn't.
649
00:45:21,052 --> 00:45:23,430
But you could imagine what it'd
be like if they did, right?
650
00:45:31,646 --> 00:45:33,648
Everybody on?
Good! Great!
651
00:45:33,732 --> 00:45:36,359
Grand! Wonderful!
652
00:45:36,443 --> 00:45:39,404
No yelling on the bus!
653
00:45:39,487 --> 00:45:43,491
Billy passed the third grade
654
00:45:43,575 --> 00:45:47,537
Oh, what a glorious day
655
00:45:47,621 --> 00:45:51,249
Oh, passing third grade
656
00:45:51,333 --> 00:45:55,378
The Billy Madison way
657
00:45:55,462 --> 00:45:56,463
Yeah!
658
00:45:57,339 --> 00:45:59,591
Rock on! Yes!
659
00:46:10,685 --> 00:46:12,604
Stop it.
660
00:46:12,687 --> 00:46:14,606
Who are you?
661
00:46:14,689 --> 00:46:17,901
I don't even know you.
Go away, mister.
662
00:46:17,984 --> 00:46:19,027
Are you okay?
663
00:46:19,110 --> 00:46:21,321
Yeah.
664
00:46:24,282 --> 00:46:25,742
Look, she came!
665
00:46:25,825 --> 00:46:27,827
And she came too.
666
00:46:44,844 --> 00:46:47,973
The mucus queen is yours.
667
00:46:48,890 --> 00:46:50,016
Thanks.
668
00:46:50,100 --> 00:46:52,060
Hi!
669
00:46:53,395 --> 00:46:56,481
Oh, my gosh!
Aw, man.
670
00:47:00,151 --> 00:47:03,738
Oh! Oh, my God!
671
00:47:03,822 --> 00:47:05,824
Snack Pack!
You're the coolest!
672
00:47:05,907 --> 00:47:08,660
Those should last you
through the weekend.
673
00:47:08,743 --> 00:47:10,537
Thank you very much.
674
00:47:10,620 --> 00:47:12,205
Looks like Billy
is on the right track now.
675
00:47:12,288 --> 00:47:13,623
He's on track, all right.
676
00:47:13,707 --> 00:47:15,542
He's headed right down the...
677
00:47:17,752 --> 00:47:19,087
Easy.
678
00:47:21,381 --> 00:47:23,550
So you still don't think
Billy's gonna make it?
679
00:47:23,633 --> 00:47:26,928
Trust me, Carl baby.
I know he's not gonna make it.
680
00:47:28,013 --> 00:47:30,682
Will you excuse me for a second?
681
00:47:32,934 --> 00:47:35,979
Who will help me
destroy Billy Madison?
682
00:47:36,062 --> 00:47:37,731
Who?
683
00:47:37,814 --> 00:47:41,359
Cha-cha-cha-cha
Cha-cha-cha-cha
684
00:47:41,443 --> 00:47:45,155
Cha-cha-cha-cha Cha-cha-cha-cha
685
00:47:55,999 --> 00:47:59,294
That was really sweet,
the way you helped Ernie out yesterday.
686
00:47:59,377 --> 00:48:03,214
He would've done
the same for me.
687
00:48:03,298 --> 00:48:06,342
So what's it like
being back in school?
688
00:48:06,468 --> 00:48:08,970
I don't know.
I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes.
689
00:48:09,054 --> 00:48:11,681
Although I am an idiot,
so it kinda works out.
690
00:48:13,308 --> 00:48:16,352
Is it just you
and your dad in here?
691
00:48:16,436 --> 00:48:18,229
Well, actually, no.
692
00:48:18,313 --> 00:48:21,733
There's Juanita and some maids
and butlers and stuff.
693
00:48:21,983 --> 00:48:25,570
And people who work for my
dad are always stopping by.
694
00:48:25,653 --> 00:48:29,532
Then my friends are always sleeping
over, even when I didn't ask them to.
695
00:48:29,616 --> 00:48:30,867
Sounds like a hotel.
696
00:48:30,950 --> 00:48:32,744
Yeah, it kinda is.
It can be distracting.
697
00:48:32,827 --> 00:48:35,246
That's why I moved out here.
698
00:48:40,043 --> 00:48:43,296
I'm faster than you.
You're way slower!
699
00:48:47,008 --> 00:48:49,010
Oh, wow.
700
00:48:49,135 --> 00:48:52,222
This is where I've been
spending most of my time lately.
701
00:48:52,305 --> 00:48:55,183
Not exactly roughing it,
are you?
702
00:48:59,687 --> 00:49:03,108
Those are...
They come with the tent.
703
00:49:03,191 --> 00:49:05,735
I see.
704
00:49:09,697 --> 00:49:11,866
Wow. A Tale of Two Cities.
705
00:49:11,950 --> 00:49:13,368
I don't think
we're up to that one yet.
706
00:49:13,451 --> 00:49:16,037
I can understand
nine words in that book now.
707
00:49:20,250 --> 00:49:22,710
So, it's
708
00:49:22,794 --> 00:49:25,004
the last day of third grade.
709
00:49:25,213 --> 00:49:29,217
And you have the teacher
alone in your tent.
710
00:49:30,093 --> 00:49:33,263
What do you want to do?
711
00:49:33,346 --> 00:49:35,849
Well, I can think of
three things I'd like to do.
712
00:49:37,809 --> 00:49:40,645
One would involve some ice cubes
713
00:49:40,728 --> 00:49:43,565
and a nine iron.
714
00:49:43,648 --> 00:49:46,860
Two would include a buffalo.
Really?
715
00:49:46,943 --> 00:49:49,612
Live or stuffed,
preferably stuffed
716
00:49:49,696 --> 00:49:52,323
for safety's sake.
717
00:49:52,407 --> 00:49:55,743
Three: We'd bring back
some of those ice cubes.
718
00:49:55,827 --> 00:49:59,414
Switch it over
to a pitching wedge.
719
00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:00,999
How you guys doing?
720
00:50:03,293 --> 00:50:07,630
Hey, Carl!
Good to see you!
721
00:50:09,465 --> 00:50:11,301
This is Veronica, my teacher.
722
00:50:11,384 --> 00:50:12,510
That's Carl.
723
00:50:12,594 --> 00:50:14,554
Very pleased to meet you.
724
00:50:14,637 --> 00:50:16,514
Bill, I think Eric
is up to something.
725
00:50:16,598 --> 00:50:17,599
Who's Eric?
726
00:50:17,682 --> 00:50:19,475
He works for my dad too.
727
00:50:19,559 --> 00:50:22,437
He gets the company if I screw up.
He's a douche bag.
728
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:24,647
He made some menacing comments
to me earlier today,
729
00:50:24,731 --> 00:50:27,025
then he did
that weasel laugh he does.
730
00:50:27,108 --> 00:50:28,443
Yeah. How's
that laugh go again?
731
00:50:28,526 --> 00:50:29,694
You know.
732
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:33,823
That's very good.
That sounded just like him.
733
00:50:33,907 --> 00:50:37,660
Thanks. Well, I'm sure he's
got something up his sleeve.
734
00:50:37,744 --> 00:50:39,621
Thanks, buddy.
No problem.
735
00:50:51,132 --> 00:50:53,509
The most densely
populated part of the United States
736
00:50:53,593 --> 00:50:55,136
is along the eastern seaboard.
737
00:50:55,220 --> 00:50:59,224
We're gonna talk about why that
is over the next few minutes.
738
00:50:59,307 --> 00:51:03,603
We all know what a census is, don't we?
That's like taking attendance.
739
00:51:03,686 --> 00:51:06,231
Now the first census
of the United States...
740
00:51:07,232 --> 00:51:09,901
Take it on! Pick it up
and give it the old... Yeah!
741
00:51:09,984 --> 00:51:12,445
You want some of this?
742
00:51:12,528 --> 00:51:15,073
Oh, my dear Lord!
743
00:51:15,156 --> 00:51:18,409
You never leave me open, son,
'cause I'm gonna hit it every time.
744
00:51:18,493 --> 00:51:21,162
You want some more of that?
I didn't think so!
745
00:52:19,387 --> 00:52:22,140
A! B! C!
746
00:52:22,807 --> 00:52:26,352
D, E, F, G...
747
00:52:26,436 --> 00:52:28,980
All right, stop
before I throw up.
748
00:52:29,063 --> 00:52:31,899
You wanna go play soccer
with us after school?
749
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:35,820
No. I got a test on Friday.
I'll play with you guys next week.
750
00:52:35,903 --> 00:52:37,739
Next week you'll be
in ninth grade.
751
00:52:37,822 --> 00:52:39,032
Yeah, high school.
752
00:52:39,115 --> 00:52:40,199
That's right.
753
00:52:40,283 --> 00:52:41,534
You aren't gonna
wanna hang around
754
00:52:41,617 --> 00:52:45,204
with a bunch of dumb elementary
school kids like us anymore.
755
00:52:45,288 --> 00:52:49,125
That's not true.
I'll come and visit you guys all the time.
756
00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:51,252
Yeah, to see your girlfriend.
757
00:52:56,632 --> 00:53:00,094
Have some more sloppy joes!
758
00:53:01,679 --> 00:53:04,432
I made 'em extra
sloppy for youse!
759
00:53:07,685 --> 00:53:12,106
I know how youse kids
likes 'em sloppy!
760
00:53:12,190 --> 00:53:15,109
Lady, you're scaring us!
761
00:53:16,944 --> 00:53:20,531
Go! Go! Yeah!
762
00:53:41,260 --> 00:53:42,970
Do you know
where the bathroom is?
763
00:53:43,054 --> 00:53:45,390
Second door on the left.
764
00:53:49,602 --> 00:53:53,481
Hey, tubby,
how about a little bathroom reading?
765
00:53:53,564 --> 00:53:56,859
I have the August 1983 issue
of Wrestling World here.
766
00:53:58,361 --> 00:54:04,325
There's a terrific article about a
wrestler named the Revolting Blob.
767
00:54:04,409 --> 00:54:08,663
Gee, you know somethin'?
He kinda looks like someone I know.
768
00:54:09,664 --> 00:54:10,748
Where'd you get that?
769
00:54:10,832 --> 00:54:12,667
I have a subscription.
770
00:54:12,750 --> 00:54:14,752
Gee. He's a bad guy.
771
00:54:14,836 --> 00:54:19,924
He threw one opponent out of the ring
and hit a bunch of senior citizens.
772
00:54:20,007 --> 00:54:22,844
Boy, this wacko looks familiar.
773
00:54:22,927 --> 00:54:26,722
What do I care about some
stupid, phony wrestling guy?
774
00:54:26,806 --> 00:54:28,808
My God!
775
00:54:28,891 --> 00:54:33,771
In June, 1983, he sat on some
guy's head and killed him.
776
00:54:33,855 --> 00:54:35,940
It was just a stunt!
777
00:54:36,023 --> 00:54:39,652
He was supposed to pinch my leg
if he was running short of air.
778
00:54:39,735 --> 00:54:42,280
With this guy sitting on
everyone's head and everything,
779
00:54:42,363 --> 00:54:44,449
I wonder how he had time
to get his teaching degree.
780
00:54:44,532 --> 00:54:46,284
No!
781
00:54:46,367 --> 00:54:50,621
No, you can't do that to me!
Those kids are my whole life!
782
00:54:50,705 --> 00:54:54,959
You wouldn't want anything to happen that
would make them think less of you, right?
783
00:54:55,042 --> 00:54:58,087
Max?
784
00:54:58,171 --> 00:55:00,131
Max?
785
00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:02,800
You ready to cooperate with me?
786
00:55:02,884 --> 00:55:04,218
Yes.
787
00:55:04,302 --> 00:55:07,054
Then Madison Hotels
is as good as mine!
788
00:55:26,157 --> 00:55:28,701
Check out that car.
789
00:55:47,762 --> 00:55:50,223
Nice shirt! Yeah.
Yep.
790
00:55:57,772 --> 00:55:59,065
So now the cell's happy.
791
00:55:59,148 --> 00:56:03,694
But there are other molecules saying,
"Hey, we'd like some energy too."
792
00:56:03,778 --> 00:56:07,031
And it uses its own
pigment molecule, chlorophyll,
793
00:56:07,114 --> 00:56:09,534
to carry out the action.
794
00:56:09,617 --> 00:56:12,620
This does not make
the ribosomes happy.
795
00:56:14,121 --> 00:56:17,124
Poor chlorophyll is caught
in the middle of this.
796
00:56:17,208 --> 00:56:18,918
Chlorophyll?
797
00:56:19,001 --> 00:56:22,213
More like "bore-ophyll."
798
00:56:22,296 --> 00:56:23,506
Right?
799
00:56:26,926 --> 00:56:29,178
It's a little bit stuffy
in here, huh?
800
00:56:29,262 --> 00:56:31,222
Don't talk to me.
801
00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:32,932
And why is that?
802
00:56:33,015 --> 00:56:34,392
Because you're a loser.
803
00:56:34,475 --> 00:56:38,563
I don't know from these ribosomes,
and chlorophyll helps chloroplast...
804
00:56:38,646 --> 00:56:41,524
No, I will not
make out with you!
805
00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:45,820
Did you hear that? This girl wants
to make out with me in class!
806
00:56:45,903 --> 00:56:48,990
You got chlorophyll man
talking about God knows what.
807
00:56:49,073 --> 00:56:51,117
All she's talking about
is making out with me!
808
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:54,328
I'm here to learn, everybody,
not to make out with you.
809
00:56:54,412 --> 00:56:56,247
Go on with the chlorophyll!
810
00:57:01,127 --> 00:57:03,296
O'Doyle rules!
811
00:57:03,379 --> 00:57:04,463
Thanks a lot, O'Doyle.
812
00:57:04,547 --> 00:57:06,173
Nice meeting you.
813
00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:13,306
Wait'll they start
with the wedgies.
814
00:57:13,389 --> 00:57:15,766
Yeah. You oughta start
cutting your underwear
815
00:57:15,850 --> 00:57:18,311
before you get to school
so it rips easier.
816
00:57:18,394 --> 00:57:20,563
I see. Who are you guys?
817
00:57:20,646 --> 00:57:23,649
We're the guys everybody used to
pick on before you started here.
818
00:57:23,733 --> 00:57:25,901
Oh, no,
they ain't picking on me.
819
00:57:25,985 --> 00:57:30,740
They're giving me a hard time 'cause I'm
the new guy. A little first-day hazing.
820
00:57:30,823 --> 00:57:33,326
Are you in loser denial
or something?
821
00:57:33,409 --> 00:57:35,703
I had a bad case
of loser denial myself,
822
00:57:35,786 --> 00:57:38,998
till the lacrosse team stuck
a parking cone up my ass.
823
00:57:39,081 --> 00:57:43,127
Loser? I ain't no loser.
I was the king of this high school.
824
00:57:43,210 --> 00:57:46,964
Hundred friends.
Million parties.
825
00:57:47,048 --> 00:57:49,425
You guys are losers, not me.
826
00:57:50,926 --> 00:57:54,096
And that is what
a prime number is.
827
00:57:54,180 --> 00:57:56,599
Billy! Billy!
828
00:57:56,682 --> 00:57:59,977
Figuring on how I got fourth period
off, I'd shoot down to say hi.
829
00:58:00,061 --> 00:58:01,145
How's high school, Billy?
830
00:58:01,228 --> 00:58:02,480
Yeah, how's high school?
831
00:58:02,563 --> 00:58:05,066
Oh, high school is great!
832
00:58:05,149 --> 00:58:07,443
I mean, I'm learning a lot!
833
00:58:07,526 --> 00:58:12,198
And all the kids are treating
me very nice. It's great!
834
00:58:12,281 --> 00:58:15,409
Gee, I can't wait
till I go to high school.
835
00:58:16,202 --> 00:58:18,496
Don't you say that.
836
00:58:18,579 --> 00:58:21,499
Don't you ever say that!
837
00:58:21,582 --> 00:58:26,879
Stay here!
Stay as long as you can.
838
00:58:26,962 --> 00:58:30,341
For the love of God, cherish it!
839
00:58:30,424 --> 00:58:32,760
Jennifer, why don't you
try reading out loud for a minute?
840
00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:36,847
You got to cherish it.
You do.
841
00:58:43,979 --> 00:58:45,856
I don't understand it.
842
00:58:45,940 --> 00:58:50,111
Ten years ago high school was the greatest.
I had so much fun!
843
00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:53,155
You had a little too much fun
since you've got to do it again.
844
00:58:53,239 --> 00:58:56,534
I know. It's just
the classes are so hard.
845
00:58:56,617 --> 00:58:59,954
And all the kids
treat me like I'm a goof.
846
00:59:00,037 --> 00:59:01,205
You are a goof.
847
00:59:02,373 --> 00:59:05,584
Suck it up.
Eight more weeks and you're all set.
848
00:59:05,668 --> 00:59:08,129
Yeah, you're right.
You're so smart.
849
00:59:11,674 --> 00:59:14,593
Okay.
I got to go, okay?
850
00:59:14,677 --> 00:59:17,221
Billy, wait.
851
00:59:17,304 --> 00:59:20,558
It doesn't feel so great
to be called a loser, does it?
852
00:59:20,641 --> 00:59:21,600
No.
853
00:59:21,684 --> 00:59:24,103
Maybe the first time
you went to high school,
854
00:59:24,186 --> 00:59:27,106
you weren't as nice to kids
you thought were losers.
855
00:59:28,983 --> 00:59:31,861
I know what you're saying.
You're so smart!
856
00:59:47,168 --> 00:59:48,294
Hello.
857
00:59:48,377 --> 00:59:51,589
- Hi, is this Danny McGraff?
- Yeah.
858
00:59:51,672 --> 00:59:55,801
The Danny McGraff that graduated
from Knibb High School in 1984?
859
00:59:55,885 --> 00:59:57,887
Yeah. Who's this?
860
00:59:57,970 --> 01:00:01,557
This is Billy Madison.
You probably don't remember me.
861
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:04,351
But I went to high school
with you.
862
01:00:04,643 --> 01:00:08,439
I kinda gave you
a hard time back then.
863
01:00:08,522 --> 01:00:11,358
I did some things I thought
were funny at the time.
864
01:00:11,442 --> 01:00:15,571
But now I realize they
were just mean and stupid.
865
01:00:15,654 --> 01:00:18,949
I just wanted to apologize
and I hope you forgive me.
866
01:00:19,033 --> 01:00:21,660
Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it.
It's no problem.
867
01:00:21,744 --> 01:00:24,497
Wow, that's great!
868
01:00:24,580 --> 01:00:26,457
Well, I am sorry,
869
01:00:26,540 --> 01:00:30,336
and maybe we can get together
and have coffee or something.
870
01:00:30,419 --> 01:00:31,754
Sure, I'd like that.
871
01:00:31,837 --> 01:00:34,882
Okay.
Okay. I'll see you around.
872
01:00:34,965 --> 01:00:36,509
Bye.
873
01:01:12,795 --> 01:01:14,547
Speak for yourself, moron.
874
01:01:15,923 --> 01:01:17,967
Oh, my God, that is funny!
875
01:01:18,050 --> 01:01:20,845
Next on News 9,
a shocking story of
876
01:01:20,928 --> 01:01:23,681
power and corruption
involving a hotel tycoon.
877
01:01:23,764 --> 01:01:25,850
How his 27-year-old
millionaire son
878
01:01:25,933 --> 01:01:27,935
cheated his way
through elementary school.
879
01:01:28,018 --> 01:01:29,979
Stay tuned.
What the hell?
880
01:01:30,062 --> 01:01:32,439
Now, now, maybe
it's somebody else.
881
01:01:34,817 --> 01:01:36,777
My name is Max Anderson.
882
01:01:36,861 --> 01:01:41,073
I'm the principal at the Polly
Fector Elementary School.
883
01:01:42,491 --> 01:01:46,495
Recently a young man named Billy
Madison was enrolled there.
884
01:01:46,579 --> 01:01:50,416
During that time,
Mr. Madison was disruptive.
885
01:01:50,499 --> 01:01:55,296
The only reason he passed was that
he offered me a bribe of $5,000,
886
01:01:55,379 --> 01:01:57,339
which I regrettably accepted.
887
01:01:59,174 --> 01:02:00,551
I'm sorry, Billy.
888
01:02:00,634 --> 01:02:04,221
That was principal Max Anderson
of Polly Factor Elementary School.
889
01:02:05,180 --> 01:02:08,601
Dad, he's lying!
890
01:02:08,684 --> 01:02:10,728
You made a fool out of me.
891
01:02:10,811 --> 01:02:12,563
This was a mistake
from the beginning.
892
01:02:12,646 --> 01:02:18,485
Brian, I got some forecasts for you to...
Why is everybody so glum?
893
01:02:19,153 --> 01:02:20,321
You seriously
don't believe me, Dad?
894
01:02:20,404 --> 01:02:21,655
That's right.
895
01:02:21,739 --> 01:02:24,283
I seriously don't believe you.
896
01:02:24,366 --> 01:02:27,286
The deal's off.
Eric's got the company.
897
01:02:29,455 --> 01:02:31,957
Wow!
Good news for me.
898
01:02:38,297 --> 01:02:41,634
I can't believe
this is happening right now.
899
01:02:43,886 --> 01:02:46,764
What're you gonna do?
Gonna come to class on Monday?
900
01:02:46,847 --> 01:02:50,768
It wouldn't make
much sense now, would it?
901
01:02:50,851 --> 01:02:53,187
Stupid idea in the first place.
902
01:03:13,749 --> 01:03:15,376
Get up out of this bed!
903
01:03:36,855 --> 01:03:40,401
Hello! Billy's here!
904
01:03:42,361 --> 01:03:44,822
Hey, baby!
905
01:03:44,905 --> 01:03:46,991
You looking hot tonight!
906
01:03:47,074 --> 01:03:48,867
Billy, what has happened to you?
907
01:03:48,951 --> 01:03:51,286
We gonna go on a date.
908
01:03:51,370 --> 01:03:54,707
You, me, Jack and Frank
909
01:03:54,790 --> 01:03:59,461
are gonna go around putting
shit on people's doorsteps.
910
01:03:59,545 --> 01:04:02,840
And we gonna sets it on fire!
911
01:04:02,923 --> 01:04:05,843
Billy, why are you
acting like this?
912
01:04:05,926 --> 01:04:07,970
I know that you
didn't pay off Max.
913
01:04:08,053 --> 01:04:10,723
That makes two of us then, baby.
914
01:04:10,806 --> 01:04:17,021
But it takes more than two to tango.
Or something like that.
915
01:04:17,104 --> 01:04:18,063
So let's go!
916
01:04:18,147 --> 01:04:19,606
No, let's stay.
917
01:04:19,690 --> 01:04:22,735
And the three of you can light
dog shit on my living room floor.
918
01:04:22,818 --> 01:04:24,403
Come on, Billy, you know that...
919
01:04:24,486 --> 01:04:28,574
Talky, talky, talky.
No more talky.
920
01:04:29,616 --> 01:04:31,744
You got a lighter in here?
921
01:04:37,374 --> 01:04:40,085
I see what's going on in here.
922
01:04:43,589 --> 01:04:48,552
So sorry to interrupt!
923
01:04:52,264 --> 01:04:54,391
Proceed!
924
01:04:55,476 --> 01:04:57,978
Billy, you're losing your mind.
925
01:05:01,607 --> 01:05:03,901
All right, boys' night out!
926
01:05:03,984 --> 01:05:05,402
Let's go!
927
01:05:33,305 --> 01:05:35,057
I need to talk to you.
928
01:05:46,068 --> 01:05:47,694
Geez!
929
01:05:49,446 --> 01:05:51,907
What's going on, man?
930
01:05:54,910 --> 01:06:00,415
Billy and his girlfriend are
playing water polo or something.
931
01:06:01,333 --> 01:06:04,962
Hey, maybe
they're playing Marco Polo!
932
01:06:05,045 --> 01:06:07,297
Marco!
Polo!
933
01:06:07,381 --> 01:06:09,508
Ah, geez, that was a great game.
934
01:06:09,591 --> 01:06:11,051
Yeah.
935
01:06:15,889 --> 01:06:17,307
You know what?
I got an idea for you.
936
01:06:17,391 --> 01:06:19,309
Instead of being
an idiot every day,
937
01:06:19,393 --> 01:06:23,021
why don't you go back to school,
graduate and get the company?
938
01:06:23,147 --> 01:06:25,440
'Cause I don't want it anymore.
939
01:06:25,524 --> 01:06:27,860
What do you mean
you don't want it anymore?
940
01:06:27,943 --> 01:06:30,112
Do I got something
coming out of my nose?
941
01:06:30,195 --> 01:06:33,282
I can't believe I ever liked someone who
could just roll over and die like this.
942
01:06:33,365 --> 01:06:36,285
I ain't rolling over
and dying! I was set up!
943
01:06:36,368 --> 01:06:38,495
And worst of all,
nobody believes me.
944
01:06:38,579 --> 01:06:41,832
I believe you, Billy.
And I believe in you.
945
01:06:41,915 --> 01:06:45,502
Some people have no willpower,
no brains, no vision.
946
01:06:45,586 --> 01:06:48,547
They just drift through life
like lumps of crap.
947
01:06:48,630 --> 01:06:51,341
What is she talking about?
948
01:06:51,425 --> 01:06:54,887
You have all those things.
You're just afraid to use 'em.
949
01:06:54,970 --> 01:06:56,972
Don't be.
950
01:06:57,055 --> 01:07:00,100
You say you're not a loser,
Billy Madison, so win.
951
01:07:16,116 --> 01:07:19,161
Yes, I will go back to school
952
01:07:19,328 --> 01:07:22,289
And achieve victory
953
01:07:22,372 --> 01:07:25,459
No man will take
what my father has built
954
01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:29,796
Unless that man is me
955
01:07:29,880 --> 01:07:33,550
My Billy Sweet Billy Boy
956
01:07:33,634 --> 01:07:36,678
I knew you would go back
957
01:07:36,762 --> 01:07:40,057
No one can stop you if you try
958
01:07:40,140 --> 01:07:42,643
Don't I have a nice rack?
959
01:07:46,188 --> 01:07:49,191
Veronica, I thank you
960
01:07:49,274 --> 01:07:52,486
For beating the shit out of me
961
01:07:52,569 --> 01:07:55,197
I see things so clearly now
962
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:57,908
I choose my destiny
963
01:07:57,991 --> 01:08:00,744
Oh, Billy,
I knew you had it in ya
964
01:08:01,745 --> 01:08:04,790
We're here to help you, Billy
965
01:08:04,873 --> 01:08:07,918
Get back in school to stay
966
01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:11,421
You got to work real hard
And stick it out
967
01:08:11,505 --> 01:08:14,591
Till graduation day
968
01:08:14,675 --> 01:08:17,052
Hey, kids, it's me
969
01:08:17,135 --> 01:08:20,430
I bet you thought
that I was dead
970
01:08:20,514 --> 01:08:23,433
But when I fell over
I just broke my leg
971
01:08:23,517 --> 01:08:27,104
And got a hemorrhage in my head
972
01:08:28,647 --> 01:08:31,650
There are obstacles in the way
973
01:08:31,733 --> 01:08:33,610
But together we shall overcome
974
01:08:33,694 --> 01:08:35,195
Overcome
975
01:08:35,279 --> 01:08:39,950
You can't break our spirit
You can't kill our dreams
976
01:08:40,033 --> 01:08:44,496
Do you have any more gum?
More gum, more gum, more gum
977
01:08:44,579 --> 01:08:47,749
Do you have any more gum?
978
01:08:55,382 --> 01:08:57,968
Oh, hello, kids.
979
01:08:58,051 --> 01:09:00,595
Mr. Anderson,
is that you?
980
01:09:00,679 --> 01:09:04,141
Oh! Yes,
actually it is.
981
01:09:04,224 --> 01:09:08,103
This is just...
Well, this is...
982
01:09:08,186 --> 01:09:12,941
Normally, I don't allow children to be
in my home without parental supervision.
983
01:09:13,025 --> 01:09:16,486
So, why don't you
just run on... Oh, boy!
984
01:09:16,570 --> 01:09:21,658
It sure is great to have all you kids come
surprise me like this at my home, but...
985
01:09:21,742 --> 01:09:25,495
Mr. Anderson, Billy said the
stuff you said didn't happen.
986
01:09:25,579 --> 01:09:27,998
Is he lying or are you lying?
987
01:09:28,081 --> 01:09:33,837
Ah, well, listen, kids,
it's not always as simple as all that.
988
01:09:35,922 --> 01:09:41,094
The statement I made about Billy
Madison was and is completely untrue.
989
01:09:41,178 --> 01:09:44,806
I know now that I shall never escape
my fate as the Revolting Blob.
990
01:09:44,890 --> 01:09:47,809
No, no, no, no, no!
991
01:09:49,853 --> 01:09:52,439
It's something
I must learn to live with.
992
01:09:52,773 --> 01:09:54,316
Joyce?
993
01:09:54,983 --> 01:09:56,902
What a mess.
994
01:09:58,111 --> 01:10:02,532
First this psycho goes on TV,
lies, then retracts it.
995
01:10:02,616 --> 01:10:05,869
And now Eric's secretary
is in a coma.
996
01:10:05,952 --> 01:10:11,208
Carl, has anybody been able to find
out anything about this Max guy?
997
01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:15,087
No, sir. He's vanished.
Nobody has any idea where he is.
998
01:10:15,170 --> 01:10:16,963
I believed in Billy all along.
999
01:10:17,047 --> 01:10:18,256
Oh, cut the horseshit!
1000
01:10:18,340 --> 01:10:19,883
I know you blackmailed Max.
1001
01:10:19,966 --> 01:10:21,301
Take it easy, Billy.
1002
01:10:21,385 --> 01:10:23,136
Things were going along great
1003
01:10:23,220 --> 01:10:27,307
until this wrestling freak
messed things up.
1004
01:10:27,641 --> 01:10:30,227
Billy should get
another shot at high school.
1005
01:10:30,310 --> 01:10:34,189
Hey, rules are rules!
Billy was supposed to finish
1006
01:10:34,272 --> 01:10:37,317
each grade within the two
weeks or I get the company.
1007
01:10:37,401 --> 01:10:38,735
And he didn't finish
ninth grade.
1008
01:10:38,819 --> 01:10:42,030
Eric, certainly there are
extenuating circumstances.
1009
01:10:42,114 --> 01:10:46,201
Extenuating, exmenuating!
We had a deal, a signed, written deal.
1010
01:10:46,284 --> 01:10:48,745
Each grade, two weeks,
or I get the company.
1011
01:10:48,829 --> 01:10:51,706
Well, technically
you're right, but...
1012
01:10:51,790 --> 01:10:55,669
Shut up, Brian! I've had to
listen to your jawing for too long.
1013
01:10:55,752 --> 01:10:57,421
"Well, technically..."
1014
01:10:57,504 --> 01:10:59,381
Just shut up!
1015
01:11:00,632 --> 01:11:02,300
Are you ready to hand
the company over to me now?
1016
01:11:02,384 --> 01:11:03,760
No!
1017
01:11:03,844 --> 01:11:05,512
Then I'll see your ass in court.
1018
01:11:06,596 --> 01:11:08,390
Good.
1019
01:11:08,473 --> 01:11:11,476
Nice talking to ya, shit headsl
1020
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:14,688
Hey, Eric, how would you like to
settle this right now? No lawyers.
1021
01:11:14,771 --> 01:11:17,274
You and me.
Mano y mano.
1022
01:11:17,357 --> 01:11:18,358
What does that mean?
1023
01:11:18,442 --> 01:11:21,445
What does that mean?
Carl, what does that mean?
1024
01:11:21,528 --> 01:11:23,572
I don't know.
1025
01:11:28,034 --> 01:11:31,455
It means an academic decathlon:
One day, 10 events,
1026
01:11:31,538 --> 01:11:34,124
testing all the knowledge
one would gain in high school.
1027
01:11:34,207 --> 01:11:36,835
Me versus you!
1028
01:11:36,918 --> 01:11:38,462
You're joking, right?
1029
01:11:38,545 --> 01:11:40,964
Let's take it a little
easy here, Billy, huh?
1030
01:11:41,047 --> 01:11:45,051
No, I'm serious. Let's do it.
Let's do it on Friday.
1031
01:11:45,135 --> 01:11:46,470
Let's do it.
1032
01:11:46,553 --> 01:11:48,472
Is that all right
with you, Daddy?
1033
01:11:48,555 --> 01:11:51,099
Well, if you think
you can beat him.
1034
01:11:51,183 --> 01:11:54,853
Oh, I can!
And I will.
1035
01:11:55,437 --> 01:11:57,022
It's a deal.
1036
01:11:57,105 --> 01:11:59,524
I know it was you.
1037
01:12:00,734 --> 01:12:02,527
You broke my heart.
1038
01:12:06,156 --> 01:12:08,575
Here's the trigonometry and
notes for the classes you missed.
1039
01:12:08,658 --> 01:12:11,244
This is last year's physics notes.
It's the best I could do.
1040
01:12:11,328 --> 01:12:14,623
Thanks a lot, fellas.
You're saving my life.
1041
01:12:18,710 --> 01:12:20,629
O'Doyle rules!
1042
01:12:20,712 --> 01:12:23,882
O'Doyle, I got a feeling your
whole family's going down.
1043
01:12:25,091 --> 01:12:27,427
But for now, I've got to study.
1044
01:12:28,929 --> 01:12:31,097
Norman invasion of England.
1045
01:12:32,807 --> 01:12:34,935
1066.
1046
01:12:36,520 --> 01:12:38,605
That is correct.
1047
01:12:41,316 --> 01:12:43,235
Magna Carta.
1048
01:12:45,111 --> 01:12:49,282
1215?
1049
01:12:50,825 --> 01:12:53,119
Yes.
1050
01:12:54,955 --> 01:12:58,166
Spanish Armada.
1051
01:13:00,794 --> 01:13:05,840
1466.
1052
01:13:05,924 --> 01:13:07,676
'67.
1053
01:13:07,759 --> 01:13:09,386
1469.
1054
01:13:09,469 --> 01:13:11,555
1514.
1055
01:13:11,638 --> 01:13:13,598
1981.
1056
01:13:13,682 --> 01:13:15,016
1986.
1057
01:13:15,100 --> 01:13:17,269
Please, do not do that.
1058
01:13:17,352 --> 01:13:20,397
Come on, I swear...
Just hang in there one second.
1059
01:13:20,480 --> 01:13:22,857
Please, God, give me the answer!
1060
01:13:39,833 --> 01:13:41,585
Slow down.
1061
01:13:55,348 --> 01:13:57,767
Spanish Armada.
1062
01:13:57,851 --> 01:14:00,270
Ah, 1588!
1063
01:14:00,353 --> 01:14:02,314
That is correct.
1064
01:14:13,617 --> 01:14:15,076
Ladies and gentlemen,
1065
01:14:15,160 --> 01:14:17,370
thanks to a generous donation
by Mr. Madison
1066
01:14:17,454 --> 01:14:19,331
to the Knibb
High School library,
1067
01:14:19,414 --> 01:14:22,000
I've been able to arrange
for 10 different teachers
1068
01:14:22,083 --> 01:14:26,254
to administer this academic decathlon
in various courses of study.
1069
01:14:26,338 --> 01:14:30,467
However, if there is any attempt
by either contestant to cheat,
1070
01:14:30,550 --> 01:14:35,305
especially with my wife
who is a dirty, dirty tramp,
1071
01:14:35,388 --> 01:14:38,558
I am just gonna snap.
Do I make myself clear?
1072
01:14:40,435 --> 01:14:41,770
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
1073
01:14:41,853 --> 01:14:44,648
All right then.
Let the academic decathlon begin!
1074
01:15:29,984 --> 01:15:32,445
Yes!
1075
01:15:34,781 --> 01:15:38,576
Second team
all-American. Harvard track.
1076
01:15:38,660 --> 01:15:42,080
Is that right?
1077
01:15:43,331 --> 01:15:46,793
Oh, gross! Did you see
that guy's balls?
1078
01:15:46,876 --> 01:15:49,129
Yeah. They were
weird-looking.
1079
01:15:54,718 --> 01:15:56,636
Whoa!
1080
01:16:34,549 --> 01:16:36,092
He's good.
1081
01:16:36,176 --> 01:16:40,722
"To be or not to be:
1082
01:16:40,805 --> 01:16:42,891
"That is the question.
1083
01:16:42,974 --> 01:16:45,769
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
1084
01:16:45,852 --> 01:16:50,523
"to suffer the slings and
arrows of outrageous fortune..."
1085
01:16:50,607 --> 01:16:52,609
"Or to take arms
1086
01:16:52,692 --> 01:16:56,279
"against a sea of troubles,
1087
01:16:56,362 --> 01:17:01,117
"and by opposing end them?
1088
01:17:01,201 --> 01:17:03,620
"To die:
1089
01:17:03,703 --> 01:17:06,956
"To sleep. No more."
1090
01:17:08,041 --> 01:17:10,043
Yea, Billy!
1091
01:17:10,126 --> 01:17:12,504
Hey, hey, hey!
1092
01:17:12,587 --> 01:17:15,423
- Who rules?
- O'Doyle rules!
1093
01:17:15,507 --> 01:17:19,052
O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules!
1094
01:17:19,135 --> 01:17:22,096
O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules!
1095
01:17:22,180 --> 01:17:25,475
O'Doyle rules! O'Doyle rules!
1096
01:17:25,558 --> 01:17:27,268
O'Doyle rules!
1097
01:17:42,116 --> 01:17:43,993
Good afternoon, students.
1098
01:17:44,077 --> 01:17:47,705
You've been invited here to
witness the 10th and final event
1099
01:17:47,789 --> 01:17:52,001
in the competition between Mr. Eric
Gordon and Mr. Billy Madison.
1100
01:17:59,300 --> 01:18:02,929
As of this moment,
Mr. Madison is ahead by one point.
1101
01:18:05,765 --> 01:18:09,561
Each competitor will select the
final category for his opponent.
1102
01:18:09,644 --> 01:18:11,187
Mr. Madison
will go first.
1103
01:18:11,271 --> 01:18:13,273
Mr. Gordon,
choose the topic.
1104
01:18:15,441 --> 01:18:16,609
"English Literature."
1105
01:18:17,777 --> 01:18:18,778
"U.S. Presidents."
1106
01:18:20,196 --> 01:18:21,406
"My Wife, the Tramp."
1107
01:18:23,241 --> 01:18:25,702
"Burning Dog Poo
and the Human Response."
1108
01:18:26,578 --> 01:18:29,706
"Reflections of Society
in Literature."
1109
01:18:29,789 --> 01:18:33,543
Reflections of Society
in Literature.
1110
01:18:33,626 --> 01:18:35,587
Good luck, schmuck.
1111
01:18:37,422 --> 01:18:40,425
Mr. Madison,
the Industrial Revolution
1112
01:18:40,508 --> 01:18:43,386
changed the face
of the modern novel forever.
1113
01:18:43,469 --> 01:18:46,973
Discuss,
citing specific examples.
1114
01:18:50,393 --> 01:18:52,312
Come on, Billy!
1115
01:18:58,151 --> 01:18:59,235
Come on!
1116
01:18:59,319 --> 01:19:02,906
Come on, Billy, you can do it.
1117
01:19:04,908 --> 01:19:06,910
Okay-
1118
01:19:06,993 --> 01:19:08,870
The Industrial Revolution to me
1119
01:19:08,953 --> 01:19:13,583
is just like a story I know
called The Puppy Who Lost His Way.
1120
01:19:15,585 --> 01:19:18,504
The world was changing,
1121
01:19:18,588 --> 01:19:23,468
and the puppy
was getting bigger.
1122
01:19:23,551 --> 01:19:27,597
So you see,
the puppy was like industry
1123
01:19:28,514 --> 01:19:32,185
in that they were
both lost in the woods.
1124
01:19:33,019 --> 01:19:36,522
And nobody,
especially the little boy,
1125
01:19:36,606 --> 01:19:39,150
"society,"
1126
01:19:39,233 --> 01:19:41,361
knew where to find them.
1127
01:19:43,321 --> 01:19:47,659
Except that the puppy was a dog.
1128
01:19:48,618 --> 01:19:50,620
But the industry, my friends,
1129
01:19:51,913 --> 01:19:54,332
that was a revolution.
1130
01:19:57,669 --> 01:19:59,712
Knibb High football rules!
1131
01:20:13,393 --> 01:20:16,980
Mr. Madison,
what you've just said
1132
01:20:17,063 --> 01:20:21,150
is one of the most insanely
idiotic things I have ever heard.
1133
01:20:21,234 --> 01:20:25,822
At no point in your rambling,
incoherent response
1134
01:20:25,905 --> 01:20:31,160
were you even close to anything that
could be considered a rational thought.
1135
01:20:31,244 --> 01:20:36,165
Everyone in this room is now
dumber for having listened to it.
1136
01:20:36,249 --> 01:20:41,129
I award you no points,
and may God have mercy on your soul.
1137
01:20:42,296 --> 01:20:45,508
Okay, a simple "wrong"
would've done just fine, but...
1138
01:20:45,591 --> 01:20:47,969
You remain one point ahead.
1139
01:20:48,052 --> 01:20:51,931
Mr. Gordon, it is your turn.
Mr. Madison, choose the topic.
1140
01:20:58,646 --> 01:21:01,941
I choose Business Ethics.
1141
01:21:05,445 --> 01:21:07,280
Mr. Gordon,
1142
01:21:07,363 --> 01:21:10,491
the American business environment
has fundamentally changed
1143
01:21:10,575 --> 01:21:14,287
following the insider trading
and savings and loan scandals.
1144
01:21:14,370 --> 01:21:17,623
Explain business ethics and
how they are applied today.
1145
01:21:18,207 --> 01:21:20,293
Boo!
1146
01:21:28,593 --> 01:21:32,221
The ethics of business
1147
01:21:32,305 --> 01:21:34,932
can be summarized in...
1148
01:21:35,016 --> 01:21:36,392
Boo!
1149
01:21:38,311 --> 01:21:40,063
Yeah.
1150
01:21:40,146 --> 01:21:42,065
See...
1151
01:21:42,148 --> 01:21:44,942
Ethics are...
1152
01:21:45,026 --> 01:21:46,652
You know the...
1153
01:21:46,736 --> 01:21:48,488
The thing about ethics...
1154
01:21:53,201 --> 01:21:55,369
That quesflon was not fair.
1155
01:21:55,453 --> 01:21:58,414
That was not in the reading.
I demand a new question.
1156
01:21:58,498 --> 01:22:02,960
Take it easy, psycho.
You blew it. You lose.
1157
01:22:03,044 --> 01:22:05,588
I oughta blow you away,
you miserable...
1158
01:22:05,671 --> 01:22:07,465
Go ahead and do it!
1159
01:22:08,800 --> 01:22:10,676
Yikes!
1160
01:22:14,180 --> 01:22:15,431
No!
1161
01:22:16,516 --> 01:22:17,683
Get off me!
1162
01:22:24,357 --> 01:22:25,525
No!
1163
01:22:32,573 --> 01:22:36,035
Man, I'm glad I called that guy!
1164
01:22:40,915 --> 01:22:42,083
Max, are you okay?
1165
01:22:42,166 --> 01:22:44,293
Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.
1166
01:22:44,377 --> 01:22:45,545
Okay.
1167
01:22:45,628 --> 01:22:47,255
A little confused.
1168
01:22:47,338 --> 01:22:49,215
Kinda sweaty.
1169
01:22:49,298 --> 01:22:52,593
A little hungry,
but all in all I'm okay.
1170
01:23:04,856 --> 01:23:08,776
Thank you, thank you,
thank you very much.
1171
01:23:08,860 --> 01:23:12,613
Well, what can I say?
I graduated.
1172
01:23:12,697 --> 01:23:14,282
It's over. I did it.
1173
01:23:14,365 --> 01:23:19,036
I know most of you are saying,
"Hey, any idiot could do that."
1174
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:23,916
Well, it was tough for me,
so back off!
1175
01:23:24,041 --> 01:23:25,501
Sorry. Sorry about that.
1176
01:23:25,585 --> 01:23:28,838
Yahoo, Billy!
Billy's number one! Yahoo!
1177
01:23:31,549 --> 01:23:33,426
That's nice, buddy.
1178
01:23:33,759 --> 01:23:37,471
Yahoo! Yahoo for school!
1179
01:23:37,555 --> 01:23:39,182
Yahoo for me!
1180
01:23:41,684 --> 01:23:45,855
Anyways, this hotel stuff
really isn't for me.
1181
01:23:45,938 --> 01:23:50,151
So I decided to step down
as chairman of Madison Hotels
1182
01:23:51,027 --> 01:23:52,862
and give the company to Carl.
1183
01:23:58,451 --> 01:24:01,954
I'm gonna go to college.
I'm gonna be a teacher.
1184
01:24:04,415 --> 01:24:06,250
Peace! I'm outta here!
1185
01:24:08,127 --> 01:24:09,712
Daddy!
1186
01:24:09,795 --> 01:24:13,090
What can I say?
I saved the day, I guess.
1187
01:24:13,174 --> 01:24:15,301
Eric doesn't take over
the company.
1188
01:24:16,135 --> 01:24:18,554
Are you sure
this is what you want to do?
1189
01:24:18,638 --> 01:24:20,973
I'm sure, Dad.
And thanks for everything.
1190
01:24:24,518 --> 01:24:27,730
Max! What can I say, buddy?
You saved my life.
1191
01:24:27,813 --> 01:24:30,691
You don't have to say
anything. I'm so proud of you.
1192
01:24:31,984 --> 01:24:33,819
I'm still horny.
1193
01:24:33,903 --> 01:24:35,196
Jesus!
1194
01:24:35,321 --> 01:24:37,615
All right, man,
you're hurting me.
1195
01:24:42,536 --> 01:24:44,664
You think he's horny.
1196
01:24:44,747 --> 01:24:46,082
Come here.