1
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:06,298
(MAN CHANTING IN ARABIC)

2
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,714
ANCHORMAN: Tensions are rising
as the stand-off

3
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,801
between the world community and the
rogue North African nation of Wadiya

4
00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:53,094
intensified today

5
00:00:53,179 --> 00:00:57,140
as U.N. weapons inspectors were once
again refused access to the country

6
00:00:57,225 --> 00:01:00,477
by Wadiyan leader,
Admiral General Aladeen.

7
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:03,688
I will take no options off the table.
And I mean what I say.

8
00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:04,814
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

9
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,859
ANCHORMAN: Tonight we ask...
Who is General Aladeen?

10
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,070
According to Wadiyan propaganda,

11
00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:13,281
Haffaz Aladeen was born in 1973.

12
00:01:16,452 --> 00:01:19,788
He did not know his mother,
who died in childbirth.

13
00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:25,085
General Aladeen was born
the only son of the Colonel Aladeen,

14
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:27,462
himself a savage and violent dictator.

15
00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:29,297
(GROANS)

16
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,300
Next!

17
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,054
ANCHORMAN:
Known for his iconic beard,

18
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,640
he is protected by 30 female guards,

19
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:40,642
who he maintains are virgin.

20
00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:42,978
(YELLS)

21
00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:49,651
(GRUNTS)

22
00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:52,487
Thrust into power at age seven,

23
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:56,324
he may just be the most dangerous man
in the entire world.

24
00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,326
All right, let's get right to it.

25
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,329
Do you have nuclear weapons?

26
00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:03,707
(LAUGHING)

27
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:05,583
What was the question?

28
00:02:06,377 --> 00:02:09,129
Do you have nuclear weapons?

29
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:10,422
Sorry, I can't hear you.

30
00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:12,215
Are you developing nuclear weapons?

31
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,384
No, I literally can't hear you.

32
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,012
I'm going to another question.

33
00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:19,264
Oh, I can hear you now.

34
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:22,392
Eccentric and with unlimited oil wealth,

35
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,894
he recently hosted
his own Olympic Games...

36
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,397
OLYMPIC OFFICIAL ON SPEAKER:
On your mark, get set.

37
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:30,900
(SPECTATORS CHEERING)

38
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,533
ANCHORMAN: ...at which he won
fourteen gold medals.

39
00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:44,539
SPECTATORS: (CHANTING)
Aladeen! Aladeen!

40
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,708
ANCHORMAN: Often described
as ignorant,

41
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:50,628
he changed
over 300 Wadiyan words to "Aladeen,"

42
00:02:50,713 --> 00:02:54,340
including the words "positive" and
"negative," causing mass confusion.

43
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:59,888
Do you want
the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?

44
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:03,475
The Aladeen news?

45
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,812
You are HIV-Aladeen.

46
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,203
ANCHORMAN: With pressure mounting,

47
00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:25,830
Aladeen addressed his nation today.

48
00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:28,333
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Aladeen! Aladeen!

49
00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:51,272
(CROWD CONTINUES CHANTING)

50
00:03:59,115 --> 00:04:01,116
People of Wadiya,

51
00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:03,993
I come before you today

52
00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:08,706
to tell you that the world shall
kneel before our great nation.

53
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:13,920
We are two months away from
enriching weapons-grade uranium

54
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,797
(CHEERING)

55
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:21,553
to be used
for peaceful purposes. (SNICKERING)

56
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,518
(EXHALES)

57
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:32,856
It will be used only for medical research

58
00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:36,317
and clean energy. It will, it will.

59
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,154
And will certainly never be used

60
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:41,990
to attack Is... Oh, boy.

61
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:46,995
ANCHORMAN: With that speech, today,

62
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,664
the international community
is asking one question:

63
00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:53,501
Does the Mad Dog of Wadiya
have nuclear weapons?

64
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,180
Now, show me my nuclear weapons!

65
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:08,016
I can't wait! I can't wait! (LAUGHING)

66
00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,811
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

67
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,326
This is the Beard of Doom rocket?

68
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:29,662
This is my weapon?
I will be a laughingstock!

69
00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:32,624
All my friends have got nuclear weapons.

70
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:34,375
Even Ahmadinejad!

71
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:37,921
And he looks like a snitch on Miami Vice.

72
00:05:38,214 --> 00:05:40,548
Would it kill him to wear a tie?

73
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:44,010
I mean, is every day
in Iran casual Friday?

74
00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:48,890
Where is the Head of my Nuclear
Program and Procurer of Women?

75
00:05:49,225 --> 00:05:51,059
Where is Nuclear Nadal?

76
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:53,728
You had Nadal executed,
Supreme Leader.

77
00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:55,188
Why did I do that?

78
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:01,986
Ah! Supreme Leader!

79
00:06:02,238 --> 00:06:03,571
Ah, Nadal.

80
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:06,991
We are just months away
from refining weapons-grade uranium,

81
00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:09,911
and we are set
to test the missile next week.

82
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,079
Hmm.

83
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:14,457
It is too round on the top.
It needs to be pointy.

84
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,752
Round is not scary. Pointy is scary.

85
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:20,004
This will put a smile
on the faces of the enemy.

86
00:06:20,256 --> 00:06:23,591
They will think that it is a huge robot
dildo flying toward them.

87
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,051
No, Supreme Leader.

88
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,887
The shape of the missile top
has nothing to do with aerodynamics.

89
00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:29,681
It is about the payload delivery.

90
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,933
No. It sticks in the ground,
and then kaboom.

91
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:33,893
Supreme Leader, I think perhaps

92
00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:37,438
some of your information
about bombs is coming from cartoons.

93
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,857
Nonsense. They were research films.

94
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:42,610
And in them, the victims of the bomb

95
00:06:42,695 --> 00:06:44,779
would get very sooty faces

96
00:06:44,989 --> 00:06:47,865
and then a see-through
version of themselves

97
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:51,577
started rising up towards Heaven
while playing a harp.

98
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:55,039
In this film, just one question,

99
00:06:55,124 --> 00:06:59,043
was there a duck who,
when the explosion is happens,

100
00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:02,338
his bill goes
around to the back of his head,

101
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:05,550
and then in order to talk,
he has to put it back this way?

102
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:09,262
There was somebody
who suffered a deformity like that.

103
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:10,596
Okay.

104
00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:14,017
I am now 100% sure
that you are watching cartoons.

105
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:16,310
Have you spoken to
the experts about this?

106
00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:19,313
- Have you consulted Professor Bobeye?
- Who?

107
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:22,817
Professor Bobeye, the one
with the incredibly strong forearms

108
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,944
that are miss-sized for his body.

109
00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:27,447
The man you are discussing
is called Popeye.

110
00:07:27,573 --> 00:07:29,490
- Bobeye.
- He is not a professor.

111
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:33,369
Popeye is, as the song tells us,
a sailor man.

112
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:37,248
Indulge me. For one second,
pretend that I'm an idiot.

113
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,374
Okay. I'm there.

114
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:41,669
And explain to me how this bomb

115
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:44,547
will not land in Israel

116
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:48,342
and then, literally,
bounce right back and blow up Wadiya.

117
00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:50,303
Supreme Leader, let me explain to you.

118
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:51,512
You've lost me.

119
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:54,891
This is the missile in Wadiya,

120
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,685
you push the button, "Boop!"

121
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,147
(MIMICS MISSILE)

122
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:02,273
Israel...

123
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,567
(MIMICS EXPLOSION)

124
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,277
(SCREAMS)

125
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:10,323
"No! Why? Aah!"

126
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,242
Nuclear winter.

127
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:14,702
The reality is...

128
00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,496
(MIMICS MISSILE)

129
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,457
(MIMICS BOUNCE)

130
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:20,541
Oy vey!

131
00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:22,835
"Aah!"

132
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:23,920
Us.

133
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:29,842
Believe me, sir, if I could make
the device even a little more pointy,

134
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,428
I would, but I simply cannot.

135
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,517
Okay. You know what?

136
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:40,311
Let's just agree to disagree, my friend.

137
00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:41,729
Okay.

138
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,316
What? Why? No!

139
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,276
HEAD SCIENTIST: Don't you remember?

140
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,402
Of course I remember!

141
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,656
How dare you question my memory?
I remember everything!

142
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,575
No, I would never do that!
Never! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that.

143
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,286
Don't worry, it's fine.
Well done, my friend.

144
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,746
Thank you.

145
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,541
Wait! Wait! Where are we going?

146
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,752
Admiral General,
what if we just tell the United Nations

147
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:06,170
we have no nuclear weapons?

148
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:07,630
They will lift the sanctions.

149
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,966
We'll be free
to sell oil rights to the Jalabiya desert.

150
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,634
Uncle Tamir.

151
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,928
Do you not remember
what my saintly father

152
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,888
made me promise him on his deathbed?

153
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:19,559
It was never to sell Wadiya's oil.

154
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,603
You remember that
was when he gave me power

155
00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:24,647
instead of you, the rightful heir.

156
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,399
You've been so cool about it.

157
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:28,776
Now, let's go back to the palace.

158
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,236
It's the season finale

159
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:34,031
of Real Housewives
of Shachahmahahfalimitahlicch!

160
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:35,825
(SPEAKING WADIYAN)

161
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,703
ALL: (CHANTING) Aladeen! Aladeen!

162
00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:56,762
Death to the tyrant!

163
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,431
(WOMAN SCREAMING)

164
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,734
Looks like we need to find a new double.

165
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,402
Because this one is...

166
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:14,447
You know, I don't know
if he's going to get better.

167
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,824
Oh, he's not going to recover, sir.
He's dead.

168
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,786
Send his wife some
chocolate covered almond nuts

169
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,789
in a cellophane wrapped box. Delicious.

170
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:27,919
We're going to send your wife
some almonds.

171
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,213
Chocolate covered versions of these.

172
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:32,340
Ooh!

173
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:37,345
Maroush, I think I dropped
an almond in his head.

174
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:38,846
Can you take it out?

175
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:42,725
What I don't want to do is
send the body to the family

176
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,519
and then they discover
an almond in his head,

177
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,980
and they say,
"Why is there an almond in his head?"

178
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,232
Take it out.

179
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:52,526
Clean it!

180
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,612
How am I gonna eat that?

181
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,408
- Don't eat it.
- Oh, Maroush!

182
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,703
Listen, everything is gonna be just fine.

183
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,580
I don't want you to worry about anything.

184
00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:07,875
Yeah, how 'bout looking in my eye
when I'm speaking to you?

185
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,796
It's very rude not to look at somebody
in the eye when they're talking to you.

186
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,882
It's okay. Don't worry.
You're having a rough day.

187
00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:27,228
We shot the wrong man.

188
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:30,856
I can fix this. I have a new plan.
We need to find a new double.

189
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:33,901
One that is simple enough to be
manipulated completely.

190
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,157
(GOATS BLEATING)

191
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,918
I think we found what you are looking for.

192
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:02,471
You think this man looks like me?

193
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,266
You have a very big barn.

194
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,061
You must have
many happy goats, hmm?

195
00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,480
What the fuck does that even mean?

196
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:16,068
Uncle Tamir, this thing is an idiot.

197
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:18,070
What makes you think
he can do the job?

198
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:22,074
May I remind you that his only real job is
to be shot in the head.

199
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,411
Very well.
Put him through the process, okay?

200
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,205
Clip his nails, file his teeth,

201
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,083
bleach his skin, and shorten the penis.

202
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,712
(ALADEEN MOANING)

203
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,423
ALADEEN: Megan! Megan!

204
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:38,507
(MOANS LOUDLY)

205
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,426
You now have herpes.

206
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:41,927
(SIGHS)

207
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,848
Megan, you were worth every penny.

208
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:47,683
Mmm. You were super hot.

209
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,268
Is my jet ready?

210
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,438
Yes, but do you want to stay the night?

211
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,273
You know, I really
want to do some cuddling.

212
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:55,524
No. Your time is up.

213
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,610
I have to be
with the Italian Prime Minister tomorrow.

214
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,321
Okay. Maroush, give the goodie bag!

215
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:01,739
(SOFTLY) Thanks.

216
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,240
ALADEEN: I trust everything is in there,

217
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,034
as your manager requested?

218
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,203
Katy Perry said she got
a diamond Rolex.

219
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,955
That's because she let me
Aladeen in her face.

220
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:13,959
(GRUNTS) Okay.

221
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,295
Right. Are you sure you don't want
to stay for some cuddles?

222
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,379
- No.
- ALADEEN: But, please.

223
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,964
I really want someone to cuddle.

224
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,197
ANCHORMAN: Breaking news now.
Just moments ago,

225
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,448
the U.N. Security Council voted

226
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,909
to authorize NATO air strikes
against Wadiya,

227
00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:33,205
unless Admiral General Aladeen
agrees to address the U.N. in person.

228
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:35,207
And now, the world waits.

229
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,542
What will Aladeen do next?

230
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,255
(GRUNTS)

231
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,139
(SCREAMS ONSCREEN)

232
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,974
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

233
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,560
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You've unlocked the suicide vest!

234
00:14:56,938 --> 00:15:01,150
ALADEEN: Next. No, no, no. No.
Boring, boring. Come on. Come on.

235
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,612
Beloved Oppressor,
I have just received disturbing news.

236
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:07,031
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Welcome to the Munich Olympics.

237
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:08,699
Shalom?

238
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:09,783
(GUNFIRE ONSCREEN)

239
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,035
Oy vey!

240
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:12,786
Supreme Leader,

241
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:14,163
the United Nations demands that

242
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,541
you address their concerns
about our nuclear program,

243
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:19,585
or they will vote to
authorize military action.

244
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:20,711
VIDEO GAME ATHLETE: Meshuggener!

245
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:21,921
Summon my generals.

246
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:23,631
I'll join you after I finish this level.

247
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,633
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Bonus round. Mass grave.

248
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:42,566
Those gangsters at the UN
want me to address them.

249
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:46,612
Fine! I'll address them like they've
never been addressed before.

250
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,072
How much time have they allotted me?

251
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:49,740
Seven minutes, sir.

252
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,534
I'll talk for 14 hours!

253
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,746
And three of those will be untranslatable.

254
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,248
Literally, baby noises.

255
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,083
(GIBBERISH)

256
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,545
Okay. Let's rehearse this.
Role play, role play.

257
00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:05,673
You, come on. This'll be fun.

258
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,801
So, Secretary General,
your soldiers will weep...

259
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:10,552
(SCREAMING)

260
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:13,472
I'm so sorry! Listen, it was not my fault.

261
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:16,100
I mean, somebody had set
the safety catch

262
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,018
to "Aladeen" instead of "Aladeen."

263
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:19,979
Look, I mean, this whole gun...

264
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:21,105
(YELLS)

265
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,524
It's gonna be fine.
You just need to ice it.

266
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,067
You got to ice.

267
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,735
Promise me you're going to ice?

268
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,112
Okay. Tamir!

269
00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:30,614
Inflate my neck pillow

270
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:34,076
and pack my book
of medium-level Sudoku.

271
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:37,329
We're going to America!

272
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:41,750
(HORNS HONKING)

273
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,879
(PEOPLE SHOUTING IN PROTEST)

274
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:52,219
(THE NEXT EPISODE
PLAYING IN ARABIC)

275
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:03,230
(ENGINES REVVING)

276
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,482
Ah, America!

277
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:09,069
The birthplace of AIDS.

278
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:17,244
Supreme Leader, I took the liberty
of hiring some extra security.

279
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:18,829
This is Mr. Clayton.

280
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:22,041
Admiral General,
I am here for your protection 24/7.

281
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,208
Okay.

282
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,879
But in the interest of full disclosure,
I have to say I hate A-rabs.

283
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,882
Well, that's fine,
because I'm not an Arab.

284
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:33,927
Well, you're all A-rabs to me,
the blacks, the Jews,

285
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,764
those blue tree-hugging queers
in A-vatar.

286
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:42,102
In fact, anyone from outside
of America is technically an A-rab.

287
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,228
Hmm.

288
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,022
Listen, while you're here,

289
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:48,400
I highly recommend a visit
to the Empire State Building,

290
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:51,570
before you or one of your
sand-monkey cousins takes it down.

291
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,699
Also, if you're interested in taking
in a Broadway show while you're here,

292
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,493
and you don't mind the homo stuff,

293
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,828
I highly recommend Billy Elliot.

294
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,415
You know what, I like this guy
despite his liberal views.

295
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:04,708
Very good, sir.

296
00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:13,592
Supreme Leader, the suite has been
renovated to your specifications.

297
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:22,267
Twenty dollars a day for Internet?
What the fuck?

298
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,314
And they accuse me
of being an international criminal?

299
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,567
Beloved Oppressor,
try to get some sleep.

300
00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:32,277
Tomorrow is your big speech.

301
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:35,364
Nobody touch the minibar!
It's a fucking rip-off!

302
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,295
(GROANS)

303
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,173
(HYPERVENTILATING)

304
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:56,927
CLAYTON: Rise and shine.

305
00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,179
ALADEEN: Who are you?

306
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,849
We've actually already met.

307
00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:03,517
Hello, Aladdin.

308
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,769
Clayton? I thought we were friends.

309
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:06,937
(CHUCKLES)

310
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,355
Nice to see you, too.

311
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:11,066
- (GROANS)
- Here's the deal.

312
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,360
I'm gonna kill you,
and then I'm gonna burn your body.

313
00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:14,570
No, no, no. Please, don't.

314
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:18,824
But before I do I have
one very important question for you.

315
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,577
Did you get a chance to see Billy Elliot?

316
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,163
Yes.

317
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,372
And?

318
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,208
I found it heartwarming
and life-affirming.

319
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:29,334
(LAUGHS)

320
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:32,045
Thank you! How great is that show?

321
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:33,630
It is. It's great, yeah.

322
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,216
You know, he's got like
an artist inside himself,

323
00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:40,053
but he's in this working class place
and no one understands him.

324
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:43,140
He's just like... (GRUNTS)
I'm gonna express myself in my dance.

325
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:44,641
And he expresses himself...

326
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,770
And he doesn't wanna use violence,
but he puts his violence into his dance.

327
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,147
You should try that.

328
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:54,651
Okay. So, we gotta get down
to business. Enough chit-chat.

329
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,236
I'm being paid to kill you.

330
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,030
But I'm gonna torture you for free.

331
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,161
Are you serious?

332
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,579
Where'd you get those relics?

333
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:08,248
From the Shah of Iran's garage sale?

334
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:09,666
Yeah, right.

335
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,168
I mean, I know there's
nothing more annoying

336
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:12,753
than a backseat torturer,
but, please, come on.

337
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:14,421
This is great stuff.

338
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:17,925
It's not great stuff.
That's like 1972, hello.

339
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:23,180
You won't be talking so much smack
with this up your butt.

340
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:26,850
That's the Anal Umbrella.
It's a good device, I grant you,

341
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,852
but where's the splash guard?

342
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:30,896
You're going to kill me
and your white shirt.

343
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,940
It didn't come with a splash guard.

344
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,025
You're gonna get chara on your trousers.

345
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,194
I can see it has a screw hole for one.

346
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:38,695
Apparently, I didn't get it.

347
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,073
All right, Mr. Smart Guy,

348
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,367
check out this bad boy.

349
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,911
Oh, that's not bad.
The Kandahar Cock Wrench.

350
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,371
Okay, so, now we're getting somewhere.

351
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,290
It's actually been banned
in Saudi Arabia for being too safe.

352
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,794
You know, (SIGHS)
this is totally depressing.

353
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,462
Listen, just show me another one.

354
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:58,298
You know, honestly, I don't even want
to show you anything anymore.

355
00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:00,300
Don't be like that.

356
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,803
You know, I don't even think
you want to be tortured.

357
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:04,221
I don't want to be tortured.

358
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,556
You're just, like,
taking all the fun out of it!

359
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,808
You just want me to say
compliments all the time.

360
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,811
So either you want the truth
or you want compliments. Decide!

361
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:14,398
It'd be nice if I got just a little bit
of positive feedback about my tools.

362
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,358
What else you got?
I'm gonna love the next thing!

363
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:17,568
I will be supportive.

364
00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:19,152
All right.

365
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:22,030
Just this. This pours hot fire out on you.

366
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,199
Oh, the Fallujah Firehose!

367
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,034
Someone's got a friend in Syria!

368
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,577
I am pretty proud of it.

369
00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:29,204
There is a new model, you know.

370
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,372
(SIGHS)

371
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:31,790
I've got one that works by Bluetooth.

372
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:35,419
Screw it. Screw it! Screw it!

373
00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:37,045
I'm going to enjoy this now.

374
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,880
No, don't. Don't. Don't. Please, don't!

375
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:40,132
(SCREAMS)

376
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:50,309
No one will recognize
the body without this!

377
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,811
The Supreme Beard!
You will be cursed!

378
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,021
(SCREAMS) No, no, don't do it!

379
00:21:54,105 --> 00:21:55,897
Come on! Why won't this catch?

380
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:59,818
You foolish man! There is no
earthly fire that could ever light...

381
00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:01,194
(SCREAMS)

382
00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:04,114
The flames of the righteous
attack the unjust!

383
00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:16,877
I'll be back with help! J.K.! Just kidding!

384
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,717
My speech.

385
00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:28,555
Yo! Average American shopper!

386
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,724
I do not have any money on me,

387
00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:32,184
but if you give me your clothes

388
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:35,395
I'll make a sizeable donation
in your name to al-Qaeda.

389
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:43,945
CROWD: (CHANTING) Hey, hey, oh, oh!
Aladeen has got to go!

390
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,616
Hey, hey, oh, oh! Aladeen has got to go!

391
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:51,286
Hello. I am Admiral General Aladeen.

392
00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:53,580
I am here to deliver my speech
to the United Nations.

393
00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:55,499
Look, Admiral, it's too hot for crazy.

394
00:22:55,750 --> 00:22:56,792
How dare you?

395
00:22:56,959 --> 00:22:59,002
- Listen, Tamir is coming right now.
- (SIRENS WAILING)

396
00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:01,421
You're going to be in big trouble.
Here he is.

397
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,215
Tamir! Tamir!

398
00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:14,351
Tamir, it was you, you snake!

399
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:18,188
He's not the legitimate leader!

400
00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:19,898
He's not the legitimate leader!

401
00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,817
CROWD: (CHANTING)
He's not the legitimate leader!

402
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,735
He's not the legitimate leader!

403
00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:25,153
He's not the legitimate leader!

404
00:23:26,656 --> 00:23:29,491
TAMIR: You have rehearsed the speech
I prepared for you?

405
00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:32,577
Yes. But when is
the General coming?

406
00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:33,995
He's feeling ill.

407
00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:36,331
Does he have worms in his shilshul?

408
00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:37,582
Very possibly.

409
00:23:38,167 --> 00:23:40,669
Admiral General Aladeen preparing

410
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,838
to address the General Assembly
of the United Nations.

411
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:43,922
An historic moment.

412
00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:45,674
He's approaching the podium.

413
00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:48,260
And he's walked right past the podium.

414
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:49,469
What is he doing?

415
00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:51,847
You are making a fool out of me!

416
00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:54,182
Let's bring in Denise,
our U.N. correspondent.

417
00:23:54,267 --> 00:23:55,475
What do you make of that?

418
00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:58,186
Well, I have to say,
he's got their attention.

419
00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:00,689
Every eye in the room
is on him right now.

420
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:03,191
MIKE: And he's returning to the podium.

421
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:05,861
And he's fallen off the stage.

422
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:07,612
What do you make of that, Denise?

423
00:24:07,864 --> 00:24:12,534
You know, he's clearly implying
that the U.N. must fall before him.

424
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:15,454
MIKE: Drinking from
the pitcher of water directly,

425
00:24:15,538 --> 00:24:18,081
as opposed to
the glass that I'm sure must be up there.

426
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:19,207
What do you think that means?

427
00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:21,334
DENISE: Again,
it's another attempt to say,

428
00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:23,628
"Listen, I'm not going
to play by your rules."

429
00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:25,380
And he seems to have
a pitcher of urine out.

430
00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:28,091
MIKE: I believe he just urinated
in the pitcher.

431
00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:29,801
- (CROWD GASPS IN DISGUST)
- Oh!

432
00:24:29,886 --> 00:24:31,553
He is now drinking his urine.

433
00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:33,472
DENISE: It looks to be his own urine.

434
00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:35,265
Sorry. You want?

435
00:24:35,516 --> 00:24:37,851
Trying to force it
on the Israeli delegation.

436
00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:39,853
That might be the ambassador.

437
00:24:40,271 --> 00:24:43,940
He is dumping the urine
on the Israeli delegation.

438
00:24:44,192 --> 00:24:45,442
Oh, that's a good one.

439
00:24:47,278 --> 00:24:49,112
Okay, he's returning to the podium.

440
00:24:49,614 --> 00:24:54,034
Much has been made
of the hostility between our countries.

441
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:56,870
With the help of the U.M.,

442
00:24:57,121 --> 00:25:00,540
I will draft a new constitution for Wadiya

443
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:05,879
and sign it in five days,
on Wadiya's Independence Day.

444
00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:07,214
No, no, no.

445
00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:09,216
EFAWADH: (ON SCREEN)
This new constitution

446
00:25:09,467 --> 00:25:11,092
will end the dictatorship...

447
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:12,177
No!

448
00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:15,722
...and it will turn Wadiya into a

449
00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:17,557
democracy.

450
00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:20,393
(CROWD CHEERING)

451
00:25:20,478 --> 00:25:22,896
No! Democracy? Never!

452
00:25:23,648 --> 00:25:24,981
Never!

453
00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:29,236
The Wadiyan people
love being oppressed!

454
00:25:30,071 --> 00:25:32,531
Dictatorship forever!

455
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:34,282
(GASPS)

456
00:25:34,367 --> 00:25:35,367
(BLOWING WHISTLE)

457
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,373
Come on! Come with me!

458
00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,208
Hurry!

459
00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:50,882
Hello, person. Person.

460
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:52,467
Black person.

461
00:25:53,135 --> 00:25:54,803
MR. LAO: The double that
you found is good.

462
00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:56,638
He is almost as dumb as the real guy.

463
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:59,391
So, Wadiya will become a democracy.

464
00:25:59,892 --> 00:26:02,060
China is a democracy, too. (LAUGHS)

465
00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:05,772
Once that constitution is signed,

466
00:26:05,856 --> 00:26:09,067
I will be able
to sell Wadiya's oil rights. Gazprom,

467
00:26:09,402 --> 00:26:11,695
you will have control of
Wadiya's southern oil fields.

468
00:26:11,779 --> 00:26:13,572
B.P., you will control the north.

469
00:26:13,656 --> 00:26:15,073
Exxon, you will have all offshore rights,

470
00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:17,409
provided you do not
use B.P.'s drilling rigs.

471
00:26:17,493 --> 00:26:21,496
And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina, you will
have the lease on our shale reserves.

472
00:26:21,581 --> 00:26:23,540
Some of those reserves are
in densely populated areas.

473
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:26,251
Then unpopulate them.

474
00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:29,629
After you've paid me
my 30% finder's fee, of course.

475
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:31,423
Gentlemen.

476
00:26:33,259 --> 00:26:35,427
So, you're going to make billions.

477
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:37,512
What will you do with all those dollars?

478
00:26:37,972 --> 00:26:41,641
I will buy the house on Lake Como
next to George Clooney's.

479
00:26:41,892 --> 00:26:43,810
I love George Clooney!

480
00:26:44,145 --> 00:26:45,937
He's an old-fashioned movie star.

481
00:26:46,022 --> 00:26:47,814
He gay? He suck my dick?

482
00:26:48,608 --> 00:26:52,277
No, those are just rumors.
Are you a homosexual?

483
00:26:52,528 --> 00:26:55,113
No, no, no, it's more
of a power trip with me.

484
00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:56,740
Everybody has a price.

485
00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:59,909
Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it
in my fingers for two hundred grand!

486
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:09,794
ZOEY: Oh, my gosh, that was so crazy!

487
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:12,297
I am so honored to be able to help you.

488
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:14,549
Finally, somebody who knows who I am.

489
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,051
Yeah, of course!

490
00:27:16,135 --> 00:27:19,804
You're the Wadiyan dissident who was
standing up to that asshole Aladeen.

491
00:27:20,306 --> 00:27:21,806
It was so brave of you.

492
00:27:22,058 --> 00:27:24,142
- My name is Zoey.
- I don't care.

493
00:27:24,352 --> 00:27:25,352
What's yours?

494
00:27:25,645 --> 00:27:28,313
My name is Ala... son.

495
00:27:28,814 --> 00:27:30,649
- Allison?
- Right. Allison.

496
00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:32,817
What's your last name?

497
00:27:35,738 --> 00:27:37,072
Burgers.

498
00:27:38,074 --> 00:27:39,908
Nice to meet you, Allison Burgers.

499
00:27:39,992 --> 00:27:41,117
- You know, I...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

500
00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:42,285
Oh.

501
00:27:42,370 --> 00:27:46,122
Allison, could you please
take your hands off my breasts?

502
00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:48,541
Those are breasts?
I thought you were a boy.

503
00:27:52,088 --> 00:27:54,756
- Where are you taking me to?
- To Brooklyn!

504
00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:06,309
So, yeah, this is my store!

505
00:28:06,394 --> 00:28:07,852
This is the Free Earth Collective.

506
00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:11,439
We are a vegan, feminist,
non-profit cooperative operating

507
00:28:11,524 --> 00:28:13,775
within an anti-racist,
anti-oppressive framework

508
00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:15,527
for people of all or no genders.

509
00:28:16,779 --> 00:28:18,947
We are a pure democracy,

510
00:28:19,031 --> 00:28:21,116
just like Wadiya's going to be soon!

511
00:28:21,450 --> 00:28:23,159
Get me clothes, little man.

512
00:28:23,452 --> 00:28:25,203
Oh, you know what, there's some in
the Earthquake Relief box

513
00:28:25,287 --> 00:28:26,830
in the lesbian bathroom, right there.

514
00:28:26,914 --> 00:28:28,123
Right.

515
00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:31,626
So, Allison,
we're the only store in New York,

516
00:28:31,711 --> 00:28:33,920
other than that fascist
superchain Green World,

517
00:28:34,004 --> 00:28:36,005
that sells your nation's
specialty fruit, mafroom,

518
00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:38,550
which I know you people eat a lot of.

519
00:28:38,884 --> 00:28:40,677
Oh, I hope that didn't come off
like a cultural stereotype.

520
00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:43,221
Because I'm, like,
the furthest thing from a racist.

521
00:28:43,514 --> 00:28:46,182
I pretty much haven't had
a white boyfriend since high school.

522
00:28:46,434 --> 00:28:48,226
Well, the darker races are less choosy.

523
00:28:49,854 --> 00:28:51,855
Okay, that came off as kind of offensive.

524
00:28:52,106 --> 00:28:53,440
Thank you.

525
00:28:54,775 --> 00:28:56,693
Anyway, let me give you the grand tour.

526
00:28:56,777 --> 00:28:59,612
Up on the roof,
we have this amazing organic garden...

527
00:28:59,947 --> 00:29:02,449
Boring! Do you sell any assault rifles?

528
00:29:02,867 --> 00:29:05,535
Oh, wait. I got it. Humor. Right?

529
00:29:05,786 --> 00:29:08,288
I took a feminist clown workshop once.

530
00:29:08,539 --> 00:29:10,582
Help! Help!
I'm trapped under a glass ceiling!

531
00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:12,584
What the fuck?

532
00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:14,836
I wasn't the best student, but...

533
00:29:14,962 --> 00:29:17,380
We've got this wellness center
downstairs in the basement,

534
00:29:17,506 --> 00:29:20,758
where we do water birth.
Have you ever seen a water birth?

535
00:29:21,177 --> 00:29:23,386
Not a water birth,
but I've seen a water death.

536
00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:25,138
Wow. Was it moving?

537
00:29:25,598 --> 00:29:27,182
There was actually very little movement.

538
00:29:27,308 --> 00:29:30,310
A little wriggling, then two bubbles,
and then a big bloop

539
00:29:30,478 --> 00:29:31,686
and the wallet floats up.

540
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:34,564
You seem educated.

541
00:29:34,815 --> 00:29:36,441
Yes. I went to Amherst.

542
00:29:36,859 --> 00:29:38,776
I love it when women go to school.

543
00:29:38,861 --> 00:29:41,863
It's like seeing a monkey on rollerskates.

544
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:45,116
It means nothing to them,
but it's so adorable for us.

545
00:29:45,701 --> 00:29:47,619
Okay. Well, hey, Allison,

546
00:29:47,703 --> 00:29:50,955
you know, we'd love to have you
work here if you ever wanted to.

547
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:55,210
All of our employees
are political refugees, just like you!

548
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:56,461
There's Hannah over here.

549
00:29:56,587 --> 00:30:00,465
She's from El Salvador. She's a really
useful member of our team.

550
00:30:03,052 --> 00:30:05,553
Useful as what? A coat hanger?

551
00:30:05,638 --> 00:30:06,721
(LAUGHING)

552
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:08,640
- Come on.
- Allison, that's not funny.

553
00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:11,976
Okay. I tell you what,
get back to work, Captain Hook!

554
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:14,479
- "Captain Hook." It's funny.
- No, it's not funny.

555
00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:15,730
Who's that?

556
00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:16,981
Oh, this is Joteph.

557
00:30:17,066 --> 00:30:19,484
He's from a Sudanese tribe
that has no concept of money.

558
00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:21,986
His entire village was ransacked.

559
00:30:22,238 --> 00:30:23,321
Hey, Sub-Saharan!

560
00:30:24,573 --> 00:30:28,159
Do you think you could get me
100 child soldiers here by 5:00 p.m.?

561
00:30:28,244 --> 00:30:29,285
No!

562
00:30:29,370 --> 00:30:30,662
Okay. Time out! Time out.

563
00:30:30,746 --> 00:30:31,955
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

564
00:30:32,248 --> 00:30:33,915
Shave your under-the-arms!

565
00:30:34,250 --> 00:30:37,085
I dread to think what kind of jungle
you have on your malawach!

566
00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:38,920
That is very inappropriate.

567
00:30:39,088 --> 00:30:41,923
Don't tell me what to say
and what not to say, little boy.

568
00:30:42,091 --> 00:30:44,259
You need to put that finger away.

569
00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:45,718
I won't put my finger away because...

570
00:30:45,803 --> 00:30:47,303
Look, I've got two fingers now.

571
00:30:47,388 --> 00:30:48,429
- Ow!
- Okay.

572
00:30:48,514 --> 00:30:52,100
If you do not stop using hateful
language, you cannot work here.

573
00:30:52,518 --> 00:30:54,477
All right. I promise.

574
00:30:54,562 --> 00:30:55,770
Okay.

575
00:30:56,021 --> 00:30:57,105
(LAUGHS)

576
00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:59,774
I tricked you, Wolverina.

577
00:31:01,110 --> 00:31:03,778
Justin Bieber's chubby double!

578
00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:07,865
Hairy Potter!

579
00:31:15,833 --> 00:31:17,500
Good-bye, old friend.

580
00:31:24,592 --> 00:31:25,967
When will the Supreme Leader
be better?

581
00:31:26,051 --> 00:31:27,093
In time.

582
00:31:27,261 --> 00:31:31,598
He's resting in his bedroom
and must never, ever be disturbed.

583
00:31:32,016 --> 00:31:33,516
Time for bed.

584
00:31:37,688 --> 00:31:40,857
Being Aladeen has its perks,
does it not?

585
00:31:44,111 --> 00:31:45,695
Dropped your belt.

586
00:31:52,202 --> 00:31:53,870
(EFAWADH GRUNTING)

587
00:31:56,957 --> 00:31:58,625
- (GROANS)
- (GASPS)

588
00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:03,171
What are you doing?

589
00:32:03,255 --> 00:32:04,464
She tried to milk me!

590
00:32:04,715 --> 00:32:05,715
No.

591
00:32:05,966 --> 00:32:08,134
They are trying to pleasure you.

592
00:32:08,302 --> 00:32:11,054
Allow the girls to use their many talents.

593
00:32:20,689 --> 00:32:21,731
No!

594
00:32:21,815 --> 00:32:24,317
Supreme Leader! The girls!

595
00:32:24,652 --> 00:32:27,320
Girls, show him your bosoms.

596
00:32:33,661 --> 00:32:34,786
(GIRL SHRIEKS)

597
00:32:40,751 --> 00:32:42,126
(SIGHS)

598
00:32:42,628 --> 00:32:43,628
(EVERYBODY HURTS PLAYING
IN ARABIC)

599
00:32:53,180 --> 00:32:56,849
ALADEEN: Let me in!
I have 85 rooms at this hotel!

600
00:32:56,934 --> 00:32:59,018
It's me, Admiral General Aladeen!

601
00:32:59,103 --> 00:33:00,395
I lost my beard!

602
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:02,105
You don't got a pass, you don't get in.

603
00:33:02,189 --> 00:33:05,525
But I'm staying here! I paid
twenty dollars for the fucking Internet!

604
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:09,195
How much do you charge
for assassinations?

605
00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:10,321
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

606
00:33:29,633 --> 00:33:31,634
Why is this happening to me?

607
00:33:32,553 --> 00:33:35,888
All I ever did was
steal my country's wealth

608
00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:39,392
and execute anybody
who did not agree with me,

609
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:41,144
and many who did.

610
00:33:41,812 --> 00:33:42,895
Why me?

611
00:33:43,313 --> 00:33:47,024
Why is it always the good guys? Why?

612
00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:55,241
Nadal?

613
00:34:29,777 --> 00:34:31,319
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

614
00:34:40,454 --> 00:34:41,537
(EXCLAIMS)

615
00:34:41,622 --> 00:34:43,623
Welcome to
the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.

616
00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:47,084
Wait. You look very familiar.

617
00:34:47,461 --> 00:34:48,753
Do I know you?

618
00:34:51,173 --> 00:34:52,215
(CHUCKLES) Sorry.

619
00:34:52,633 --> 00:34:53,633
Sorry.

620
00:34:54,009 --> 00:34:55,218
So sorry, Supreme Leader.

621
00:34:55,427 --> 00:34:57,220
Don't worry. I'm 50% to blame.

622
00:34:59,890 --> 00:35:02,099
No! No! Supreme Leader!

623
00:35:02,976 --> 00:35:04,936
Definitely not. I must be going.

624
00:35:05,020 --> 00:35:06,145
No, no. Stay, please.

625
00:35:06,438 --> 00:35:08,564
If you hate Aladeen
and you like good food,

626
00:35:08,649 --> 00:35:11,651
this is the place for you.
This way. Here we go.

627
00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:23,496
(LAUGHS)

628
00:35:26,416 --> 00:35:27,667
Enjoy it.

629
00:35:31,338 --> 00:35:32,630
No! No!

630
00:35:39,012 --> 00:35:40,221
(MOOING)

631
00:35:48,188 --> 00:35:49,355
For you.

632
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:51,816
What is your name?

633
00:35:52,234 --> 00:35:53,442
Allison Burgers.

634
00:35:54,236 --> 00:35:56,988
That's a made-up name.
What's your real name?

635
00:36:00,701 --> 00:36:01,742
Ladis.

636
00:36:02,035 --> 00:36:03,077
Ladis what?

637
00:36:03,495 --> 00:36:05,371
Ladis Washerum.

638
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:11,586
So your name is like the sign.
"Ladies Washroom"?

639
00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:13,379
- Ooh!
- That is a made-up name.

640
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:15,298
What is your real name?

641
00:36:15,507 --> 00:36:18,509
I am interested. We are interested.

642
00:36:22,556 --> 00:36:23,764
Emploice.

643
00:36:24,182 --> 00:36:25,433
Emploice what?

644
00:36:25,726 --> 00:36:28,185
Emploice... Muswashans.

645
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,273
That is a made-up name.

646
00:36:32,566 --> 00:36:34,483
- Uh-uh.
- Mmm-hmm.

647
00:36:34,568 --> 00:36:35,693
Okay.

648
00:36:35,777 --> 00:36:37,904
What is your real name?

649
00:36:38,572 --> 00:36:39,864
Max.

650
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,240
Max what?

651
00:36:41,450 --> 00:36:45,202
Imumoccupancyu
One-hundred-and-twenty.

652
00:36:48,248 --> 00:36:50,499
- There's a number in the name?
- Mmm.

653
00:36:50,584 --> 00:36:53,210
Who are you?
An Aladeen sympathizer?

654
00:36:53,420 --> 00:36:55,671
No, no, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay. No, no, no!

655
00:36:55,756 --> 00:36:57,256
- (KNIFE SHARPENING)
- No!

656
00:36:57,341 --> 00:36:59,759
It's Aladeen!
It's Aladeen without the beard!

657
00:37:00,135 --> 00:37:01,886
No! It's not Aladeen!

658
00:37:02,763 --> 00:37:03,804
Hasan, lock the door!

659
00:37:06,892 --> 00:37:09,352
Wait, wait, wait, no!
There you are, cousin!

660
00:37:09,811 --> 00:37:12,146
This is my cousin.
I see you've all met him.

661
00:37:12,356 --> 00:37:15,149
He's very simple and backwards.
I'm sorry.

662
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:16,359
- Sorry.
- WAITER: It's okay, sit.

663
00:37:16,443 --> 00:37:17,777
- Okay.
- Sit and eat.

664
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:19,612
Have a seat, cousin.

665
00:37:20,238 --> 00:37:22,615
WAITER: Very sorry.
My apologies. Enjoy.

666
00:37:22,824 --> 00:37:25,910
What are you doing here?
And what has happened to your beard?

667
00:37:26,370 --> 00:37:29,538
I've been replaced by this
body double who's a total imbecile.

668
00:37:29,665 --> 00:37:31,290
How are you alive?

669
00:37:31,458 --> 00:37:34,126
How am I... Wait. You don't know?

670
00:37:34,211 --> 00:37:35,336
No.

671
00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:38,798
Every single person
you had executed is still alive.

672
00:37:39,216 --> 00:37:41,217
We all live here in Little Wadiya.

673
00:37:41,301 --> 00:37:43,761
The executioner, he is
a member of the Resistance!

674
00:37:44,137 --> 00:37:45,346
You mean I never executed anybody?

675
00:37:45,430 --> 00:37:46,472
No.

676
00:37:46,556 --> 00:37:48,557
Like, honestly, zero people.

677
00:37:48,642 --> 00:37:49,642
(SIGHS)

678
00:37:50,394 --> 00:37:54,397
Nadal, you must help me
get back into power.

679
00:37:54,481 --> 00:37:56,315
What? No. Why would I do that?

680
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:58,776
I have a perfectly good job here.
I'm a Mac Genius!

681
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:01,445
Oh. What do you do?

682
00:38:03,657 --> 00:38:06,951
Mostly, I clean semen out of laptops.

683
00:38:08,203 --> 00:38:10,204
Congratulations.
Living the American dream.

684
00:38:10,747 --> 00:38:13,416
Okay, fine. I will help you.
On one condition.

685
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:14,750
Name it.

686
00:38:14,835 --> 00:38:16,460
You reinstate me
as Head of Nuclear Research,

687
00:38:17,337 --> 00:38:18,838
so I can finish building my bomb.

688
00:38:19,214 --> 00:38:20,214
Deal.

689
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:22,550
- Oh, one last thing.
- Mmm?

690
00:38:22,968 --> 00:38:25,428
You will let me build
a round nuclear weapon.

691
00:38:25,846 --> 00:38:28,013
Never. It must be pointy.

692
00:38:28,557 --> 00:38:30,683
- Wait a minute. This is...
- Whoa.

693
00:38:31,893 --> 00:38:34,478
Okay, compromise. Conical.

694
00:38:34,563 --> 00:38:36,313
- Round. Round.
- Teat-shaped.

695
00:38:37,399 --> 00:38:38,649
Okay.

696
00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:40,276
- Okay. Deal.
- Deal.

697
00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:45,448
Ladies and gentlemen of the press,

698
00:38:45,532 --> 00:38:48,743
our Supreme Leader
is indisposed to answer your questions

699
00:38:49,035 --> 00:38:52,747
as he is currently
drafting Wadiya's new constitution,

700
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,082
which is scheduled to be signed

701
00:38:55,167 --> 00:38:58,252
at the Lancaster Penthouse Ballroom
in three days.

702
00:38:58,336 --> 00:39:00,004
Thank you. No further questions.

703
00:39:08,180 --> 00:39:09,597
(CROWD CHEERING)

704
00:39:13,935 --> 00:39:16,479
There is no way we're going to
get anywhere near this hotel

705
00:39:16,563 --> 00:39:18,939
without a security pass.
This is ridiculous.

706
00:39:19,691 --> 00:39:21,358
- Wait.
- What are you doing?

707
00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:23,611
Hiding from that lesbian hobbit.

708
00:39:24,112 --> 00:39:25,196
That woman, you know her?

709
00:39:25,572 --> 00:39:27,406
I cannot begin to tell you
what an honor it is

710
00:39:27,491 --> 00:39:29,366
to be able to provide
all of the catering...

711
00:39:29,451 --> 00:39:30,743
Well, of course.

712
00:39:30,827 --> 00:39:32,119
...and the mafroom for this signing.

713
00:39:32,204 --> 00:39:33,871
You just paid this month's rent!

714
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:35,998
ALADEEN: She offered me a job.

715
00:39:36,082 --> 00:39:38,834
Can you imagine that? Me? Working?

716
00:39:39,002 --> 00:39:42,379
Listen, hold onto that badge. It's the only
thing that'll get you past security.

717
00:39:42,464 --> 00:39:43,422
Okay, thanks.

718
00:39:43,507 --> 00:39:44,965
Wait a minute.

719
00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:49,178
Wait, her company is catering the event.
She has a security pass!

720
00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:51,555
That is the answer. This is the plan.

721
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,141
Okay? You will take that job
and you will work for her.

722
00:39:54,476 --> 00:39:57,311
I will get you
an identical beard and costume.

723
00:39:57,521 --> 00:39:58,813
And then on the day of the event,

724
00:39:58,897 --> 00:40:01,982
you enter the Lancaster
as a member of her staff.

725
00:40:02,067 --> 00:40:04,068
You will find the double, switch with him,

726
00:40:04,152 --> 00:40:06,612
then rip up the constitution
in front of the whole world.

727
00:40:07,072 --> 00:40:10,282
Me? Work for that hairy titted yeti?

728
00:40:27,342 --> 00:40:28,384
Kimberly?

729
00:40:29,219 --> 00:40:30,219
Zoey.

730
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:31,512
Who cares?

731
00:40:31,972 --> 00:40:34,515
I've come here to apologize

732
00:40:34,891 --> 00:40:38,185
about some of the comments
I may have made about

733
00:40:38,353 --> 00:40:40,312
Captain Hook and Blackie.

734
00:40:42,274 --> 00:40:43,274
Great!

735
00:40:43,650 --> 00:40:45,901
And I accept your job offer
as general manager.

736
00:40:45,986 --> 00:40:48,028
Well, you can't be the manager,
because I am the manager.

737
00:40:48,363 --> 00:40:49,488
Well, I can if I killed you.

738
00:40:49,739 --> 00:40:52,032
(BOTH LAUGHING)

739
00:40:52,242 --> 00:40:54,243
I think I'm starting to get you.

740
00:40:54,327 --> 00:40:56,453
All right, then... I will get you.

741
00:40:57,372 --> 00:40:59,039
Great! Let's get you to work!

742
00:40:59,541 --> 00:41:01,125
Yeah? Hold on one second.

743
00:41:01,376 --> 00:41:04,003
Hey, my man! Excuse me. Hairnet!

744
00:41:04,129 --> 00:41:05,129
Yeah.

745
00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:08,132
I need a little of
the quinoa salad, please,

746
00:41:08,341 --> 00:41:11,135
and throw a couple of
extra cranny-b's on top, if you could,

747
00:41:11,344 --> 00:41:14,138
and I kind of need you to hurry up, chief.
Chop-chop.

748
00:41:17,267 --> 00:41:18,267
Next!

749
00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:22,146
Whoa, whoa! Occupied!

750
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:24,523
Out. I have to clean.
Come on, out you go, out you go.

751
00:41:24,608 --> 00:41:25,900
- What? You're hurting me!
- Out. Come on.

752
00:41:26,276 --> 00:41:29,403
Hey, Allison,
can you take out the garbage? Thanks.

753
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:39,496
Look! One of the customers left a tip of

754
00:41:39,581 --> 00:41:44,001
some Nair and some female razors.
Does anybody want to use it?

755
00:41:49,966 --> 00:41:51,091
Stop that.

756
00:41:52,093 --> 00:41:53,385
Suck it, loser.

757
00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:01,727
Clean-up on aisle four!

758
00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,033
Hey, buddy, I saw that.

759
00:42:16,117 --> 00:42:18,452
That is very disrespectful to your leader.

760
00:42:18,662 --> 00:42:19,745
Whatever, dude. Who are you,

761
00:42:19,829 --> 00:42:22,289
Osama bin Laden's best friend?

762
00:42:22,457 --> 00:42:25,000
No, he is not my best friend!

763
00:42:25,210 --> 00:42:26,877
Though he has been staying
in my guest house

764
00:42:26,962 --> 00:42:29,046
ever since they shot his double last year.

765
00:42:30,215 --> 00:42:31,966
Now the guy won't leave.

766
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:34,259
I know why this guy's
the most hated man in the world.

767
00:42:34,344 --> 00:42:36,345
You just have to go
to the bathroom after him.

768
00:42:36,471 --> 00:42:38,389
You go to the bathroom after Osama,

769
00:42:38,473 --> 00:42:41,225
you will realize
the true meaning of terrorism.

770
00:42:41,643 --> 00:42:43,060
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

771
00:43:00,537 --> 00:43:01,704
Here is the plan.

772
00:43:01,788 --> 00:43:03,539
We're going to take this helicopter tour

773
00:43:03,623 --> 00:43:06,083
and fly over the Lancaster
to spot its weaknesses.

774
00:43:06,418 --> 00:43:10,004
Remember, we're just two
ordinary American tourists

775
00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:12,339
looking at the sights.

776
00:43:12,549 --> 00:43:15,843
Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect
anything. It's a great plan, pointy.

777
00:43:16,302 --> 00:43:17,803
Don't do anything
to arouse any suspicions.

778
00:43:17,887 --> 00:43:20,723
Don't worry.
I am Wadiya's number one actor.

779
00:43:20,807 --> 00:43:23,475
You don't win four
Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.

780
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,894
Yes, you do,
because you gave them to yourself!

781
00:43:26,354 --> 00:43:29,064
My performance in
Aladeen Jones and the Temple of Doom

782
00:43:29,149 --> 00:43:30,190
was outstanding.

783
00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:31,650
I give it thumbs down.

784
00:43:31,735 --> 00:43:33,444
Have you seen You've Got Mail Bomb?

785
00:43:33,945 --> 00:43:36,405
Yes, I've seen them all!
They're all terrible movies!

786
00:43:36,489 --> 00:43:37,865
Listen to me. Okay?

787
00:43:38,241 --> 00:43:40,034
You are a terrible actor.

788
00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:44,246
I urge you, right now,
keep your performance small and real.

789
00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:46,248
All right, can you get me a cloak?

790
00:43:46,332 --> 00:43:47,332
Why?

791
00:43:47,417 --> 00:43:49,168
Because I think my guy
would be wearing a cloak.

792
00:43:49,252 --> 00:43:53,464
No, your guy wears an American flag
sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.

793
00:43:53,548 --> 00:43:54,548
I need the sheriff's badge.

794
00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:56,050
For what?

795
00:43:56,134 --> 00:43:57,426
You're sheriff of American douche-town!

796
00:43:58,178 --> 00:43:59,178
That's rude.

797
00:43:59,262 --> 00:44:00,262
Listen.

798
00:44:00,346 --> 00:44:04,224
We're going to walk over there,
act very inconspicuous.

799
00:44:04,684 --> 00:44:05,726
- Okay. No problem.
- This has to work.

800
00:44:05,852 --> 00:44:07,519
Don't worry. Just relax.

801
00:44:10,190 --> 00:44:11,273
Are you okay?

802
00:44:11,691 --> 00:44:12,691
My guy has a limp.

803
00:44:13,193 --> 00:44:16,278
I fell off me horse
at the old Bull & Bush Pub

804
00:44:16,362 --> 00:44:17,529
because I am a cockney.

805
00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:18,864
Listen! Listen, okay?

806
00:44:19,032 --> 00:44:21,742
You need to focus up right now
and be prepared

807
00:44:21,910 --> 00:44:24,119
to deliver a small, subtle performance.

808
00:44:24,204 --> 00:44:25,621
- Okay, great, okay.
- Okay, good.

809
00:44:25,705 --> 00:44:27,247
Okay. So, when we go to fly...

810
00:44:27,332 --> 00:44:28,999
Don't do that with your eyes!

811
00:44:29,084 --> 00:44:30,751
You can't be a Chinese person
on this thing, okay?

812
00:44:30,835 --> 00:44:32,127
I'm not chink, I'm Chinese-American!

813
00:44:32,212 --> 00:44:33,295
No, but you cannot hold your eyes!

814
00:44:33,379 --> 00:44:34,588
Nobody is going to think
you're Chinese-American

815
00:44:34,672 --> 00:44:35,631
because you hold your eyes like that!

816
00:44:35,715 --> 00:44:37,174
It's racist, what you are doing!

817
00:44:37,258 --> 00:44:39,802
Do you know it's a fact
that they cannot pronounce their R's?

818
00:44:39,886 --> 00:44:41,053
They pronounce them as L's.

819
00:44:41,137 --> 00:44:43,013
So instead you know
what "rabbit" is in Chinese?

820
00:44:43,098 --> 00:44:44,223
I don't know how to speak Chinese.

821
00:44:44,307 --> 00:44:46,517
- It's "labbit."
- It's not "labbit"!

822
00:44:46,601 --> 00:44:49,228
Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit
was a huge hit in China!

823
00:44:49,312 --> 00:44:50,312
Nobody... It's stup...

824
00:44:50,396 --> 00:44:51,438
All right, I don't care.
This is stupid, okay?

825
00:44:51,815 --> 00:44:54,483
Okay, I'll do Filipino.
I like to work, I like to talk.

826
00:44:54,567 --> 00:44:55,818
- Don't.
- I like the shit, I do the kids.

827
00:44:55,902 --> 00:44:56,902
Stop that.

828
00:44:57,737 --> 00:45:00,489
Your Filipino
is the same as your Chinese!

829
00:45:01,032 --> 00:45:02,366
Now who's being a lacist?

830
00:45:03,076 --> 00:45:04,910
- You're being lacist now.
- I'm not being racist!

831
00:45:04,994 --> 00:45:06,662
Right now we have to
get on this helicopter

832
00:45:06,830 --> 00:45:08,914
and we have to act like true Americans.

833
00:45:09,082 --> 00:45:10,791
I guess you don't want me
to play black then.

834
00:45:11,292 --> 00:45:13,252
Of course I don't want you to play black.

835
00:45:13,378 --> 00:45:15,087
Okay. Just throwing it out there.

836
00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:16,755
Okay. Don't.

837
00:45:18,049 --> 00:45:19,133
Okay, don't do that.

838
00:45:19,217 --> 00:45:21,051
- I see what you're doing.
- That's how they walk.

839
00:45:21,136 --> 00:45:22,177
I see what you're doing, it's not cool.

840
00:45:22,262 --> 00:45:23,262
It's how they walk.

841
00:45:36,943 --> 00:45:39,069
I love being an Americans!

842
00:45:39,571 --> 00:45:41,655
America is number one!

843
00:45:42,448 --> 00:45:44,449
Oh, I am from U.S.A.!

844
00:45:44,534 --> 00:45:46,910
My father also from U.S.A.

845
00:45:47,537 --> 00:45:51,373
My great-grandfather fought
in the American Civil Jihad.

846
00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:54,710
I am very proud to be an American.

847
00:45:54,794 --> 00:45:57,421
I am America's number one douche.

848
00:45:59,716 --> 00:46:00,757
(BOTH SPEAKING WADIYAN)

849
00:46:00,842 --> 00:46:02,759
I've fooled them. Job done.

850
00:46:03,553 --> 00:46:06,388
So, how are things back at the Palace?

851
00:46:06,890 --> 00:46:10,601
Fine, but guess
who's still living in my guest house?

852
00:46:11,644 --> 00:46:12,644
Ooh, Bin Laden?

853
00:46:14,063 --> 00:46:15,355
Yes, Osama.

854
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:18,066
Bin Laden flooding the bathroom
every time he showers...

855
00:46:18,151 --> 00:46:21,987
And how hard is it to put a bath mat
down, Bin Laden?

856
00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:23,280
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

857
00:46:24,032 --> 00:46:27,034
Hey, do you remember
my favorite sports car?

858
00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:28,660
You mean your Porsche?

859
00:46:28,745 --> 00:46:30,245
Yes... the 911.

860
00:46:30,330 --> 00:46:33,290
- Oh! 911, it's the best!
- (BOTH SPEAKING WADIYAN)

861
00:46:33,374 --> 00:46:37,336
So I was driving my 911
near the palace one day...

862
00:46:37,420 --> 00:46:39,630
and I totally crashed!

863
00:46:39,714 --> 00:46:40,881
- (IMITATES EXPLOSION)
- Oh!

864
00:46:40,965 --> 00:46:42,507
(BOTH LAUGHING)

865
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,011
It's ok, I've already ordered a new one.

866
00:46:46,095 --> 00:46:49,014
A brand new 911 2012.

867
00:46:51,476 --> 00:46:54,353
You know, while you are here, you
should try to see some of the sights...

868
00:46:54,437 --> 00:46:57,564
such as the Empire State Building...

869
00:46:57,649 --> 00:47:00,525
and Yankee Stadium.

870
00:47:00,610 --> 00:47:05,197
And I'd love to see the fireworks
over the Statue of Liberty.

871
00:47:05,281 --> 00:47:06,865
(BOTH LAUGHING)

872
00:47:10,161 --> 00:47:12,371
Hey, have your old back problems been
bothering you?

873
00:47:12,455 --> 00:47:16,166
Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that
I made myself a back brace.

874
00:47:16,250 --> 00:47:20,796
- Really?
- Yes, look, I'm still wearing it.

875
00:47:22,465 --> 00:47:24,841
Hey, my English is getting good...

876
00:47:24,926 --> 00:47:28,553
...I bet I can count down from five
faster than you can!

877
00:47:28,888 --> 00:47:30,806
BOTH: Five, four, three, two, one!

878
00:47:30,890 --> 00:47:31,932
(SCREAMS)

879
00:47:32,016 --> 00:47:33,141
(CAMERA CLICKING)

880
00:47:35,061 --> 00:47:36,603
(DOOR BUZZES)

881
00:47:36,688 --> 00:47:38,522
Allison! Are you okay?

882
00:47:38,606 --> 00:47:40,065
I... Yes.

883
00:47:40,149 --> 00:47:42,776
You know what?
You people, you make me sick!

884
00:47:42,860 --> 00:47:45,320
You see a Middle Easterner
on an aircraft

885
00:47:45,405 --> 00:47:48,448
and you just assume
that he's hatching some violent plot?

886
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:53,078
Allison Burgers is a persecuted
dissident, not a murderous madman!

887
00:47:53,162 --> 00:47:55,998
He was reported saying, "Let's take out
the guards at the Lancaster."

888
00:47:56,082 --> 00:47:58,542
Guess what?
We deliver to the Lancaster!

889
00:47:58,626 --> 00:47:59,626
Good one!

890
00:47:59,711 --> 00:48:02,796
Maybe he wanted to
take the guards out for a falafel!

891
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:04,131
That's a bit of a stereotype,

892
00:48:04,215 --> 00:48:07,342
but I get the idea.
Great idea! Yeah. You...

893
00:48:07,427 --> 00:48:10,429
You know what?
Is it a crime to care about your job?

894
00:48:10,513 --> 00:48:11,680
Yeah! Well, it is in Wadiya.

895
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:15,267
Where did you get your diversity
and sensitivity training, huh?

896
00:48:15,351 --> 00:48:16,560
The Stasi?

897
00:48:16,644 --> 00:48:20,605
Let's see how you feel about
racial profiling when white people...

898
00:48:20,690 --> 00:48:22,315
(INAUDIBLE)

899
00:48:33,244 --> 00:48:34,786
ZOEY: And I know what I'm talking about

900
00:48:34,871 --> 00:48:37,414
because I majored in Fem Lit!

901
00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:39,458
Come on.

902
00:48:39,542 --> 00:48:40,876
(DOOR BUZZING)

903
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:42,794
Hey! What are you doing?
Where are you going?

904
00:48:42,879 --> 00:48:43,879
Eh, don't worry!

905
00:48:43,963 --> 00:48:46,048
Just suck the fatoot
of the biggest guy, you'll be fine.

906
00:48:46,132 --> 00:48:47,132
You're really fucking me here, man!

907
00:48:49,761 --> 00:48:51,470
ZOEY: The police here
are such fascists!

908
00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:52,679
ALADEEN: Yeah, right,
and not in a good way.

909
00:48:52,764 --> 00:48:54,389
It just makes me so mad!

910
00:48:54,474 --> 00:48:57,225
You know, Zoey,
you were great back there.

911
00:48:57,310 --> 00:48:58,935
Thanks. I just...

912
00:48:59,562 --> 00:49:01,104
I don't know, I just feel so sorry

913
00:49:01,189 --> 00:49:02,564
that wherever you go in the world,

914
00:49:02,648 --> 00:49:04,316
you're the victim of police abuse.

915
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:05,484
Well, not always the victim.

916
00:49:05,651 --> 00:49:09,946
Come here. I'm just so sorry!
You're okay now.

917
00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:11,281
All right?

918
00:49:11,365 --> 00:49:13,742
And I'm not gonna let
anything bad happen to you.

919
00:49:13,826 --> 00:49:15,535
You know what? Let's get you
back to the collective, okay?

920
00:49:16,329 --> 00:49:17,287
Come on.

921
00:49:17,371 --> 00:49:18,371
Mmm, no, a bit more.

922
00:49:18,998 --> 00:49:20,290
- Okay.
- Hmm?

923
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,959
- Come on, let's go. I need to go to work.
- I feel so sad!

924
00:49:24,629 --> 00:49:25,712
Let's do another hug, okay?

925
00:49:25,838 --> 00:49:27,506
Allison, why are you sad?

926
00:49:28,674 --> 00:49:30,008
The brutality?

927
00:49:30,301 --> 00:49:32,094
Did you suffer from sexual abuse?

928
00:49:32,178 --> 00:49:35,305
Yes, they raped me
in a very unprofessional way.

929
00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:38,642
(SIGHS) Oh, no. We have
to get you to the Rape Center.

930
00:49:38,726 --> 00:49:40,560
You have a center for rape here?

931
00:49:40,645 --> 00:49:42,896
Great! I'd love to go!
Maybe another time, you know.

932
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:46,274
Hire a limo, have some cocktails,
bring my raping shoes.

933
00:49:50,279 --> 00:49:52,113
(MAN NARRATING ON TV)

934
00:49:54,951 --> 00:49:56,326
Can you get me that one?

935
00:49:57,537 --> 00:49:58,537
Which one?

936
00:49:59,121 --> 00:50:00,789
The one with the "fuck-me hooves."

937
00:50:01,582 --> 00:50:03,834
You're bizzare. I'm going to have
to change the channels now.

938
00:50:04,085 --> 00:50:07,546
...tour from hell
for an Ohio couple earlier today when,

939
00:50:07,630 --> 00:50:08,797
with shades of 9/11,

940
00:50:08,881 --> 00:50:12,217
their helicopter tour
of the Manhattan skyline was cut short

941
00:50:12,301 --> 00:50:15,804
by what police are now calling
a "terrorism misunderstanding"

942
00:50:15,888 --> 00:50:19,724
involving a man named
Emer Gencyexitonly.

943
00:50:20,518 --> 00:50:21,518
Etra.

944
00:50:23,229 --> 00:50:24,396
We have a problem.

945
00:50:29,402 --> 00:50:31,820
Hannah, that guy from the
Lancaster's coming tomorrow morning,

946
00:50:31,904 --> 00:50:33,697
so why don't you take
the mafroom downstairs

947
00:50:33,781 --> 00:50:35,782
and make some sort of a nice display?

948
00:50:35,908 --> 00:50:38,451
I just want everything to be perfect.

949
00:50:39,078 --> 00:50:40,161
ALADEEN: Zoey?

950
00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:41,413
Allison. Hi.

951
00:50:41,581 --> 00:50:44,165
To thank you for what you did today
at the police station,

952
00:50:44,250 --> 00:50:46,501
I have decided to bestow upon you a gift.

953
00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:49,212
- That's sweet. What is it?
- Yeah.

954
00:50:51,883 --> 00:50:53,425
(CLICKS TONGUE)

955
00:50:56,596 --> 00:50:59,264
I don't know what that is.

956
00:50:59,432 --> 00:51:02,142
It's fine.
Please, gobble up my little mouse.

957
00:51:02,935 --> 00:51:04,185
Snack on my tiny raisin.

958
00:51:04,437 --> 00:51:05,854
Give her a mouth bath. Go.

959
00:51:05,938 --> 00:51:06,980
(CLICKS TONGUE)

960
00:51:07,940 --> 00:51:09,900
Oh! No!

961
00:51:10,943 --> 00:51:13,445
No, I am not going to do that.

962
00:51:13,779 --> 00:51:15,989
I'm getting a lot of this
and not much of this...

963
00:51:19,619 --> 00:51:21,828
Listen, I understand
that you're having urges, okay?

964
00:51:21,913 --> 00:51:22,954
Right.

965
00:51:23,039 --> 00:51:25,624
But you need to
take care of them by yourself.

966
00:51:25,917 --> 00:51:27,751
Myself? What? How?

967
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:29,544
You need to touch yourself.

968
00:51:29,712 --> 00:51:32,380
I don't touch myself.
Do you touch yourself?

969
00:51:32,757 --> 00:51:35,008
I think most healthy people do, yes.

970
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:38,428
Yeah, you touch your own malawach?
Ugh! Disgusting! Yuck!

971
00:51:38,512 --> 00:51:39,596
(SPITS) Yuck!

972
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:43,266
Stop joking, all right?
You've never jerked off?

973
00:51:45,269 --> 00:51:46,853
Okay, come with me.

974
00:51:46,938 --> 00:51:48,939
Where are you taking me to?
The Rape Center?

975
00:51:52,985 --> 00:51:54,486
This is silly.

976
00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:56,154
ZOEY: Okay, um...

977
00:51:56,656 --> 00:51:59,574
Take your penis out
and put it in your hands.

978
00:51:59,659 --> 00:52:00,700
ALADEEN: This is silly.

979
00:52:02,662 --> 00:52:06,623
Now, slowly move your hand
up and down.

980
00:52:06,707 --> 00:52:07,791
Okay. (GRUNTS)

981
00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:10,794
I told you already, this is...

982
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,298
Wait.

983
00:52:15,758 --> 00:52:17,550
What sorcery is this?

984
00:52:17,635 --> 00:52:20,679
Some people wait a lifetime

985
00:52:20,763 --> 00:52:25,475
For a moment like this

986
00:52:25,559 --> 00:52:28,812
Some people wait a lifetime

987
00:52:28,896 --> 00:52:31,815
For a moment like this

988
00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:37,237
Whoa, I can't believe
it's happening to me

989
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:40,240
Some people wait a lifetime

990
00:52:40,324 --> 00:52:45,829
For a moment like this

991
00:52:50,459 --> 00:52:54,796
I can't believe it's happening to me

992
00:52:56,257 --> 00:52:59,050
I did it!
I just jerked it completely off!

993
00:52:59,135 --> 00:53:00,593
I did it all by myself!

994
00:53:00,678 --> 00:53:03,013
- With this hand right here!
- Ew!

995
00:53:03,097 --> 00:53:06,307
I grabbed my bilbul
like I was strangling a bird.

996
00:53:06,392 --> 00:53:08,560
And I smacked it
and I smacked it and I gave it a flick,

997
00:53:08,644 --> 00:53:09,978
and out came my own labeneh!

998
00:53:10,229 --> 00:53:11,229
Zoey?

999
00:53:11,397 --> 00:53:14,983
Zoey! You have changed my life!

1000
00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:19,571
Give a man a vagina
and he will shpichs for a day.

1001
00:53:19,905 --> 00:53:23,366
Teach a man how to use
his hand as a vagina,

1002
00:53:23,576 --> 00:53:25,410
and he will shpichs for a lifetime.

1003
00:53:25,870 --> 00:53:28,580
Oh. No, no. Thank you. Um...

1004
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,416
Allison, you may need to keep
your voice down because...

1005
00:53:31,959 --> 00:53:34,461
We've got a lot of customers.
You may want to go wash up.

1006
00:53:34,545 --> 00:53:35,587
Fine.

1007
00:53:35,671 --> 00:53:38,339
Joteph, go and hose down my Crocs.

1008
00:53:38,758 --> 00:53:41,843
I've done my labeneh
all over the wellness center.

1009
00:53:46,223 --> 00:53:47,515
Okay.

1010
00:53:50,269 --> 00:53:52,896
The guy from the Lancaster
is going to love this.

1011
00:53:53,731 --> 00:53:54,731
Okay.

1012
00:53:55,066 --> 00:53:56,274
Good night, Allison.

1013
00:53:56,567 --> 00:53:58,151
I'll see you tomorrow morning.

1014
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:00,904
Good night! Thank you again.

1015
00:54:05,242 --> 00:54:07,619
This is nice. Or lovely.

1016
00:54:08,329 --> 00:54:09,496
(PHONE RINGING)

1017
00:54:12,833 --> 00:54:14,292
- Who is it?
- Nadal.

1018
00:54:14,376 --> 00:54:15,418
What are you doing?

1019
00:54:15,503 --> 00:54:17,128
I've discovered this amazing thing.

1020
00:54:17,254 --> 00:54:19,047
I have to show you how to do it.

1021
00:54:19,799 --> 00:54:20,965
It's called self juicing.

1022
00:54:21,050 --> 00:54:24,052
You put your hand
on your bilbul and you rub it,

1023
00:54:24,136 --> 00:54:26,387
and then you can make
your own labeneh come out.

1024
00:54:26,472 --> 00:54:27,847
You don't have to spend any Rolexes.

1025
00:54:27,973 --> 00:54:29,766
You don't have to give
any dirty diamonds.

1026
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:32,685
I cannot believe I'm having this
conversation with an adult man.

1027
00:54:32,770 --> 00:54:34,354
What do you mean?
You knew about this?

1028
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:35,814
Everybody knows about this.

1029
00:54:36,482 --> 00:54:39,818
We all know about this
from the age of 12, 13.

1030
00:54:39,985 --> 00:54:41,986
Why does nobody ever tell me anything?

1031
00:54:42,154 --> 00:54:44,948
Because you have everybody executed
who tells you anything.

1032
00:54:45,241 --> 00:54:47,659
Listen, I'm thinking of
revealing my true identity

1033
00:54:47,868 --> 00:54:49,661
to the hairy titted ape woman.

1034
00:54:49,745 --> 00:54:51,955
Whoa! No, what?
Why would you even do that?

1035
00:54:52,039 --> 00:54:53,581
I think she'll be cool with it.

1036
00:54:53,833 --> 00:54:55,291
She will not be cool with it.

1037
00:54:55,417 --> 00:54:58,461
How is she to judge?
She shaves her armpits once a year,

1038
00:54:58,546 --> 00:55:01,172
and she takes lovers
outside of her ethnic group.

1039
00:55:01,382 --> 00:55:03,258
Are my crimes any worse than hers?

1040
00:55:03,509 --> 00:55:05,510
Remember, you hate her.

1041
00:55:05,761 --> 00:55:07,220
And everything she stands for.

1042
00:55:07,638 --> 00:55:09,597
- Okay.
- I have to go now.

1043
00:55:10,933 --> 00:55:11,933
I despise you.

1044
00:55:12,143 --> 00:55:14,185
You know, sometimes you say
some very hurtful things.

1045
00:55:14,353 --> 00:55:15,854
Anyway, I'm going to hang up on you.

1046
00:55:15,980 --> 00:55:18,857
No, come on. This is
like a real opportunity for me.

1047
00:55:18,941 --> 00:55:20,024
I want to hang up first.

1048
00:55:20,109 --> 00:55:21,818
I've hung up. I hung up already.

1049
00:55:22,194 --> 00:55:23,444
(ALADEEN MIMICS
DIAL TONE SOUNDING)

1050
00:55:23,529 --> 00:55:25,780
That is your voice doing that noise.
You have not hung up.

1051
00:55:25,865 --> 00:55:27,824
I am hanging up. Click...
(MIMICS DIAL TONE SOUNDING)

1052
00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:29,951
Nadal, are you still there?

1053
00:55:30,035 --> 00:55:31,327
(SILENCE)

1054
00:55:31,453 --> 00:55:33,663
- Nadal, are you still there?
- I win.

1055
00:55:33,747 --> 00:55:36,166
(GROANS) No wonder
you're a Mac Genius.

1056
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:38,501
What a fucking idiot.

1057
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:42,255
(CLATTERING)

1058
00:55:45,259 --> 00:55:46,593
Zoey!

1059
00:55:51,974 --> 00:55:53,308
Zoey!

1060
00:55:56,729 --> 00:55:57,896
Zoey.

1061
00:56:09,241 --> 00:56:10,241
Zoey?

1062
00:56:12,953 --> 00:56:13,953
Etra.

1063
00:56:15,748 --> 00:56:16,748
- Etra...
- (GRUNTS)

1064
00:56:41,273 --> 00:56:42,315
(WHIMPERS)

1065
00:56:43,317 --> 00:56:45,777
Etra, is this because
you're the only virgin guard

1066
00:56:45,861 --> 00:56:47,028
that I left a virgin?

1067
00:57:05,965 --> 00:57:06,965
(SCREAMS)

1068
00:57:10,636 --> 00:57:11,803
(PANTING)

1069
00:57:18,269 --> 00:57:19,269
(SCREAMS)

1070
00:57:28,737 --> 00:57:30,071
(SCREAMING FRIGHTFULLY)

1071
00:57:54,430 --> 00:57:55,430
(GRUNTS)

1072
00:58:16,243 --> 00:58:18,828
One, two...

1073
00:58:20,914 --> 00:58:21,998
Bloop.

1074
00:58:23,584 --> 00:58:24,751
Text book.

1075
00:58:26,462 --> 00:58:29,297
Thank you so much
for meeting me early, Mr. Ogden.

1076
00:58:29,631 --> 00:58:31,382
I cannot wait for you
to sample our mafroom.

1077
00:58:31,550 --> 00:58:33,343
You are gonna swear
that you're in Wadiya.

1078
00:58:34,345 --> 00:58:36,262
Excuse me. What is that over there?

1079
00:58:36,555 --> 00:58:38,514
That is a "C" in your window.

1080
00:58:38,724 --> 00:58:40,850
No, no, no... They're totally
biased against this. They hate us.

1081
00:58:40,934 --> 00:58:42,685
No, it's not. I know what a "C" means.

1082
00:58:42,770 --> 00:58:43,978
It's not a very good...

1083
00:58:47,232 --> 00:58:48,232
Ugh.

1084
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:49,567
Oh, my God!

1085
00:58:50,736 --> 00:58:52,195
Allison, what happened?

1086
00:58:52,905 --> 00:58:53,905
Uh...

1087
00:58:54,907 --> 00:58:56,491
I don't know, I...

1088
00:58:56,784 --> 00:58:59,243
I was downstairs self juicing.

1089
00:59:01,038 --> 00:59:02,038
All night?

1090
00:59:02,331 --> 00:59:03,414
- Yes.
- (EXHALES)

1091
00:59:03,499 --> 00:59:04,791
I'm sorry, you were doing what?

1092
00:59:05,250 --> 00:59:06,417
Doing the jerk off.

1093
00:59:06,794 --> 00:59:08,544
Jerking myself to totally off.

1094
00:59:08,629 --> 00:59:10,171
- I'm sorry?
- Let me show you.

1095
00:59:10,381 --> 00:59:11,589
- ZOEY: No.
- She taught me.

1096
00:59:11,757 --> 00:59:12,840
Oh, she taught you, did she?

1097
00:59:12,925 --> 00:59:15,343
- No...
- Well, thank you very much.

1098
00:59:15,511 --> 00:59:16,677
The contract is canceled.

1099
00:59:16,762 --> 00:59:17,762
- That's it!
- No.

1100
00:59:17,846 --> 00:59:19,263
No, I'm going to Green World. It's over.

1101
00:59:19,431 --> 00:59:20,848
- No, Mr. Ogden.
- Remember, I have to pay that...

1102
00:59:20,933 --> 00:59:23,893
- Please, no, no.
- Self juicing. Filth!

1103
00:59:24,937 --> 00:59:26,020
Oh, my God...

1104
00:59:26,438 --> 00:59:27,522
Zoey...

1105
00:59:27,773 --> 00:59:29,315
We must get that contract back.

1106
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:30,775
We can't!

1107
00:59:30,984 --> 00:59:33,903
It's impossible.
We can't compete with Green World.

1108
00:59:34,613 --> 00:59:36,447
We will see about that.

1109
00:59:36,532 --> 00:59:39,659
But from now on, it is my way

1110
00:59:39,743 --> 00:59:44,414
or the highwahahtmaa-
fferrohshelechnichway.

1111
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:47,458
There has been a regime change!

1112
00:59:47,543 --> 00:59:49,877
Yo! You are stocking the shelves.

1113
00:59:50,295 --> 00:59:52,713
You, senile Romanian accountant.

1114
00:59:52,798 --> 00:59:54,465
You are on the cash register.

1115
00:59:54,633 --> 00:59:58,553
The CEO of Green World
does not drive a hybrid!

1116
01:00:00,806 --> 01:00:02,974
The chemicals in Green World produce

1117
01:00:03,225 --> 01:00:05,393
made this boy grow tits!

1118
01:00:11,066 --> 01:00:13,234
You promise not to steal again?

1119
01:00:13,318 --> 01:00:14,986
I won't. I won't!

1120
01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:16,946
Give him one more for fun, Viktor.

1121
01:00:17,030 --> 01:00:18,281
(SCREAMS)

1122
01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:20,032
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

1123
01:00:36,967 --> 01:00:38,384
Good choice.

1124
01:00:41,930 --> 01:00:44,265
(MUFFLED CRIES OF RELIEF)

1125
01:00:53,108 --> 01:00:54,775
ZOEY: Hi, Viktor.

1126
01:01:01,992 --> 01:01:03,117
(GASPS)

1127
01:01:03,452 --> 01:01:04,827
(CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY)

1128
01:01:10,792 --> 01:01:12,376
- Supreme Grocer.
- Hmm?

1129
01:01:12,461 --> 01:01:14,212
The radicchio
has been washed and sorted,

1130
01:01:14,296 --> 01:01:16,047
and the spray hose
has been tightly coiled.

1131
01:01:16,131 --> 01:01:17,798
Very good. Now go upstairs

1132
01:01:17,883 --> 01:01:20,134
and finish composting
the wheatgrass tailings, okay?

1133
01:01:20,219 --> 01:01:21,552
- Yes, Supreme Grocer.
- (CLICKS TONGUE)

1134
01:01:21,678 --> 01:01:23,054
(AMAZED LAUGH)

1135
01:01:23,472 --> 01:01:24,805
Zoey!

1136
01:01:24,890 --> 01:01:27,141
(LAUGHS) What? Look...

1137
01:01:27,768 --> 01:01:28,809
Wow!

1138
01:01:29,436 --> 01:01:30,895
It's amazing!

1139
01:01:30,979 --> 01:01:33,731
Oh, it's not amazing.
It's just a little less shit.

1140
01:01:34,024 --> 01:01:35,816
(SIGHS) Well, thank you.

1141
01:01:35,901 --> 01:01:36,943
(CELL PHONE PLAYING FUNKYTOWN)

1142
01:01:37,027 --> 01:01:38,778
- Sorry.
- Oh, of course.

1143
01:01:38,862 --> 01:01:41,739
- Personal.
- Thank you. Thank you again.

1144
01:01:43,909 --> 01:01:45,826
- Hello?
- I have some very good news.

1145
01:01:45,911 --> 01:01:46,953
What is it?

1146
01:01:47,037 --> 01:01:50,665
I managed to buy some beards at the
wig store today that are perfect.

1147
01:01:50,749 --> 01:01:52,959
No, Nadal, it must be real hair.

1148
01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:55,086
- And from the head of a great man!
- What?

1149
01:01:55,170 --> 01:01:56,837
Like Castro or Gandalf.

1150
01:01:56,922 --> 01:01:58,172
No... (SIGHS)

1151
01:02:01,009 --> 01:02:03,678
ALADEEN: Well done, Nadal.
This beard is perfect.

1152
01:02:08,850 --> 01:02:10,935
Those are lovely flowers.

1153
01:02:11,019 --> 01:02:12,937
You know, Zoey is thinking of opening

1154
01:02:13,021 --> 01:02:15,356
an eco-friendly
flower section to the store.

1155
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:18,734
This is the fifth time you've mentioned
her today. What is going on?

1156
01:02:18,819 --> 01:02:20,486
The signing is in two days.

1157
01:02:20,571 --> 01:02:22,405
Tell me you're not falling for this woman!

1158
01:02:22,864 --> 01:02:25,533
Of course I'm not. This is silly.

1159
01:02:25,867 --> 01:02:28,869
Okay, good. All we need to do
is slip into this chapel...

1160
01:02:28,954 --> 01:02:30,121
And yet, it's strange.

1161
01:02:30,205 --> 01:02:32,123
The other day, I asked her to, you know,

1162
01:02:32,207 --> 01:02:34,875
gobble on my bilbul and she said, "No."

1163
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:36,961
So obviously I wanted to execute her.

1164
01:02:37,045 --> 01:02:40,298
But the thought of
her decapitated head actually upset me,

1165
01:02:40,382 --> 01:02:42,133
- so I decided not to do it.
- No.

1166
01:02:42,217 --> 01:02:45,553
When the thought of someone's
decapitated head upsets you,

1167
01:02:45,637 --> 01:02:47,388
(SIGHS) that is love.

1168
01:02:47,639 --> 01:02:50,641
- I swear, I don't even like her at all.
- You don't like her?

1169
01:02:50,809 --> 01:02:53,561
She has the body shape
of a 14-year-old boy.

1170
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:57,648
Well, that is
a particular weakness of yours.

1171
01:02:57,733 --> 01:02:59,650
Need I remind you
of the Menudo incident?

1172
01:02:59,860 --> 01:03:01,611
Those boys had their eyes open.

1173
01:03:01,695 --> 01:03:02,987
They knew exactly what they were doing.

1174
01:03:03,071 --> 01:03:04,572
We made them have their eyes open.

1175
01:03:04,656 --> 01:03:06,824
You made me hold
one of their eyes open,

1176
01:03:06,908 --> 01:03:08,534
so they'd see what
you were doing to them.

1177
01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:11,162
They seemed to be having
a pretty good time.

1178
01:03:11,246 --> 01:03:13,706
They were not.
Those boys were crying.

1179
01:03:13,999 --> 01:03:15,249
Three of them killed themselves!

1180
01:03:16,251 --> 01:03:17,376
Nothing to do with me.

1181
01:03:17,461 --> 01:03:19,837
Everything to do with you!
A lot of them wrote notes.

1182
01:03:19,921 --> 01:03:22,590
In their suicide notes
they named you by name!

1183
01:03:22,841 --> 01:03:25,134
It's all a rumor. And you're being silly.

1184
01:03:25,719 --> 01:03:27,053
Hello, gentlemen. How you doin'?

1185
01:03:27,346 --> 01:03:28,846
Are you guys friends of the deceased?

1186
01:03:29,181 --> 01:03:30,931
Uh... How do I put this?

1187
01:03:31,183 --> 01:03:32,683
He was my nigger.

1188
01:03:33,018 --> 01:03:34,477
No, that's not the way to put it.

1189
01:03:34,603 --> 01:03:36,228
- Whoa, whoa!
- No?

1190
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:37,897
He was my negger. Nigger. Nagger?

1191
01:03:37,981 --> 01:03:39,190
- No, no, no.
- What is that?

1192
01:03:39,274 --> 01:03:40,566
- Negar. Nigger? Nagur?
- No, no.

1193
01:03:40,650 --> 01:03:41,817
Please stop. Please.

1194
01:03:41,902 --> 01:03:42,943
I told you, before we came in.

1195
01:03:43,028 --> 01:03:45,529
One word, do not say.
Is the exact word you're using now.

1196
01:03:45,614 --> 01:03:46,989
- No, I said Nuga...
- One dozen times.

1197
01:03:47,199 --> 01:03:50,117
Please relate to him that
there could be two funerals today.

1198
01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:52,203
I... Believe me when I tell you,

1199
01:03:52,329 --> 01:03:55,623
we are here only
to pay our respects to a great man.

1200
01:03:55,874 --> 01:03:58,042
Okay, Eldridge's casket
is laying in the chapel right now.

1201
01:03:58,335 --> 01:03:59,877
We're gonna have the viewing
in a few minutes.

1202
01:04:00,212 --> 01:04:01,379
Thank you very much.

1203
01:04:03,006 --> 01:04:04,382
I love your music, by the way.

1204
01:04:04,549 --> 01:04:05,925
No, it's not. He's not a musician.

1205
01:04:06,051 --> 01:04:09,929
I'm so, so sorry that
Whitney turned out like she did.

1206
01:04:10,055 --> 01:04:11,305
- It's not Bobby Brown.
- Hey...

1207
01:04:15,977 --> 01:04:18,229
- Go there.
- Okay. Here we go.

1208
01:04:27,864 --> 01:04:28,948
USHER: Hello? Somebody in here?

1209
01:04:29,032 --> 01:04:31,158
Nadal!
The Sub-Saharans have discovered us!

1210
01:04:31,243 --> 01:04:32,827
- What? Okay, okay, okay!
- ALADEEN: Hurry, hurry!

1211
01:04:32,911 --> 01:04:34,412
- Just a moment!
- What you doin' in there?

1212
01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:36,539
Um... Jerking off.

1213
01:04:37,124 --> 01:04:38,124
Open this door!

1214
01:04:38,583 --> 01:04:40,501
- ALADEEN: No, no, no!
- Open the door now!

1215
01:04:40,752 --> 01:04:43,087
Quick! Plan B! Plan B!

1216
01:04:44,131 --> 01:04:45,840
(ACTION MOVIE MUSIC PLAYING)

1217
01:04:52,681 --> 01:04:53,764
Why did you chop off his head?

1218
01:04:53,849 --> 01:04:54,932
You said Plan B!

1219
01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:56,809
Plan B was to have coffee and regroup,

1220
01:04:56,893 --> 01:04:59,228
it was not to chop his head off!

1221
01:05:07,279 --> 01:05:09,071
ALADEEN: (IN DEEP VOICE)
Good morning, Nadal!

1222
01:05:09,948 --> 01:05:12,283
Wake up! Good morning, Nadal!

1223
01:05:12,826 --> 01:05:14,452
(SCREAMING)

1224
01:05:14,828 --> 01:05:16,454
- (LAUGHS)
- NADAL: No, no, no, no, no, no!

1225
01:05:16,580 --> 01:05:17,621
Get this away from me!

1226
01:05:17,706 --> 01:05:18,956
You know, me and you are quite a team.

1227
01:05:19,040 --> 01:05:20,040
No, no.

1228
01:05:20,125 --> 01:05:21,542
You know who else
makes a great team?

1229
01:05:21,626 --> 01:05:24,086
(SINGING) Ebony and ivory

1230
01:05:24,171 --> 01:05:25,588
(SHRIEKS) No, no, no!

1231
01:05:25,714 --> 01:05:27,047
Live together in perfect harmony

1232
01:05:27,132 --> 01:05:28,132
What is wrong with you?
Get it out of here!

1233
01:05:29,176 --> 01:05:30,176
(LAUGHS) Good one.

1234
01:05:34,639 --> 01:05:36,390
(SINGING) Splish splash
I was taking a bath!

1235
01:05:36,475 --> 01:05:37,475
(SCREAMING)

1236
01:05:37,559 --> 01:05:39,143
No! Get it out of here!

1237
01:05:40,312 --> 01:05:41,979
Oh, that is weird.

1238
01:05:43,482 --> 01:05:48,319
I threw in some carob-covered
goji berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.

1239
01:05:48,820 --> 01:05:53,073
Thank you. That's very kind of you.
You're a very nice man.

1240
01:05:53,658 --> 01:05:55,659
What the fuck did you call me?

1241
01:05:56,661 --> 01:05:58,496
I said you were nice!

1242
01:06:03,502 --> 01:06:07,421
Allison! The Lancaster just called!
We got the contract back!

1243
01:06:07,506 --> 01:06:09,590
- Great! Whatever! (LAUGHS)
- I know!

1244
01:06:09,674 --> 01:06:12,009
Green World is shutting down
their Manhattan store!

1245
01:06:12,344 --> 01:06:14,220
I wonder what could have happened?

1246
01:06:16,306 --> 01:06:18,307
Be careful with that, sweetheart.
Be careful.

1247
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:21,352
Oh, yeah, we're going to have
a nice big salad. (SCREAMS)

1248
01:06:22,187 --> 01:06:23,896
Celebratory cuddle?

1249
01:06:24,189 --> 01:06:25,231
- Oh.
- Mmm...

1250
01:06:25,524 --> 01:06:26,607
- Ooh, well done!
- Oh!

1251
01:06:26,775 --> 01:06:28,192
- Ooh, you smell bad.
- I know.

1252
01:06:28,693 --> 01:06:29,777
MAN: Help!

1253
01:06:29,861 --> 01:06:32,071
Somebody help! My wife is in labor!

1254
01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:34,031
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

1255
01:06:34,199 --> 01:06:36,992
Baby? The ambulance can't be here
for 20 minutes. Can you hold it?

1256
01:06:37,077 --> 01:06:38,744
I can't hold it! It's coming out!

1257
01:06:39,037 --> 01:06:40,162
It's coming out!

1258
01:06:40,247 --> 01:06:42,957
Does anyone have
any medical experience?

1259
01:06:43,208 --> 01:06:46,794
I was Wadiya's Chief Surgeon
for the last 22 years.

1260
01:06:47,087 --> 01:06:48,879
Please. Please help us. Please.

1261
01:06:49,130 --> 01:06:51,131
- Allison, they need your help. Come on.
- Okay, fine.

1262
01:06:51,758 --> 01:06:52,758
Come on.

1263
01:06:53,260 --> 01:06:54,301
Are you okay?

1264
01:06:54,386 --> 01:06:55,553
(WHINING)

1265
01:06:55,762 --> 01:06:57,471
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

1266
01:06:57,556 --> 01:06:58,931
Sorry! Old habits die hard.

1267
01:06:59,391 --> 01:07:01,058
All right, I'm going in.

1268
01:07:01,351 --> 01:07:02,726
(SCREAMING)

1269
01:07:02,978 --> 01:07:04,019
That's the wrong hole!

1270
01:07:04,104 --> 01:07:06,063
- What?
- You just put your fist up the wrong hole.

1271
01:07:06,231 --> 01:07:07,815
If I had a dollar
for every time I heard that.

1272
01:07:07,899 --> 01:07:08,899
(CHUCKLES)

1273
01:07:09,734 --> 01:07:10,776
Get it outta there.

1274
01:07:11,486 --> 01:07:13,487
- Going in again.
- Okay, good. (SCREAMING)

1275
01:07:13,655 --> 01:07:15,239
Still my asshole!

1276
01:07:15,490 --> 01:07:16,991
What is wrong with you, man?

1277
01:07:17,075 --> 01:07:18,534
You just put it in my asshole again!

1278
01:07:18,618 --> 01:07:20,119
Just go up from where you are.

1279
01:07:20,829 --> 01:07:23,455
The good news is,
your prostate is completely healthy.

1280
01:07:24,040 --> 01:07:25,958
- (SOBS)
- That's good. That's good.

1281
01:07:26,334 --> 01:07:27,668
- Going in again.
- WOMAN: Okay, good.

1282
01:07:27,752 --> 01:07:28,794
(GRUNTING)

1283
01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:29,920
(EXHALES LOUDLY)

1284
01:07:30,088 --> 01:07:31,338
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

1285
01:07:31,423 --> 01:07:32,590
Hold on.

1286
01:07:33,925 --> 01:07:34,967
What are you...

1287
01:07:35,051 --> 01:07:36,302
(WOMAN GRUNTING)

1288
01:07:37,262 --> 01:07:38,929
Allison, stop it! You need two hands!

1289
01:07:39,180 --> 01:07:40,347
But I'm in the middle of the text.

1290
01:07:40,599 --> 01:07:42,182
(SCREAMING) It's coming out!

1291
01:07:43,143 --> 01:07:44,268
(SQUEALS)

1292
01:07:45,604 --> 01:07:47,354
(CELL PHONE PLAYING FUNKYTOWN)

1293
01:07:47,439 --> 01:07:48,814
- Where is that coming from?
- What?

1294
01:07:54,112 --> 01:07:56,113
I'm really sorry.
I'm gonna have to take this call.

1295
01:07:56,323 --> 01:07:57,656
Is there a phone in my body?

1296
01:07:57,949 --> 01:07:59,283
NADAL: (ON PHONE)
What are you doing?

1297
01:07:59,409 --> 01:08:00,784
Uh, I'm in the Lincoln Tunnel.

1298
01:08:00,994 --> 01:08:03,329
What? Okay, look.
We need to talk for a minute.

1299
01:08:03,663 --> 01:08:05,623
Hello, Nadal. Listen, I can't speak now.

1300
01:08:05,707 --> 01:08:07,207
I'll speak to you later, okay? Bye!

1301
01:08:07,542 --> 01:08:09,460
Stop talking to my vagina!

1302
01:08:10,795 --> 01:08:13,464
Zoey, the baby's stuck. I need you
to put your hand in and help me.

1303
01:08:13,757 --> 01:08:15,007
- What? No...
- Come on! Put it in!

1304
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:16,800
- No, don't be scared. Put it in.
- Okay. Okay.

1305
01:08:17,052 --> 01:08:18,385
- I'm sorry.
- Put it right there on the right side.

1306
01:08:18,470 --> 01:08:20,387
- Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!
- Push in.

1307
01:08:20,472 --> 01:08:21,472
(GASPS)

1308
01:08:21,556 --> 01:08:22,681
I think I feel an arm!

1309
01:08:22,766 --> 01:08:23,766
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

1310
01:08:24,309 --> 01:08:25,309
That's my finger.

1311
01:08:38,698 --> 01:08:41,241
Excuse me. You guys
make a really cute couple together.

1312
01:08:41,326 --> 01:08:42,951
But maybe could you finish doing this

1313
01:08:43,036 --> 01:08:44,995
when you're not elbow-deep
in my pussy!

1314
01:08:45,330 --> 01:08:47,539
Okay, Allison, you've got the head?

1315
01:08:47,832 --> 01:08:49,583
- I've got the head.
- Okay, it's coming out.

1316
01:08:49,668 --> 01:08:50,709
Come on, push!

1317
01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:52,336
(BOTH SCREAMING)

1318
01:08:53,171 --> 01:08:56,006
Where are the rebel bases?
Where are the rebel bases?

1319
01:08:56,341 --> 01:08:57,883
Sorry, sorry.

1320
01:08:58,176 --> 01:09:01,136
Wait, I can see the head!
I can see the head!

1321
01:09:01,221 --> 01:09:02,346
WOMAN: I can't push anymore!

1322
01:09:02,430 --> 01:09:04,056
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

1323
01:09:06,851 --> 01:09:09,269
You did it! You did it!

1324
01:09:10,355 --> 01:09:11,605
(CRYING)

1325
01:09:17,529 --> 01:09:18,862
I sentence you

1326
01:09:19,197 --> 01:09:20,698
to life.

1327
01:09:21,366 --> 01:09:23,033
(PAINFUL SCREAMS)

1328
01:09:23,201 --> 01:09:24,284
It's still attached!

1329
01:09:24,411 --> 01:09:26,370
Oh! Sorry. Oh, no.

1330
01:09:26,538 --> 01:09:27,871
- What's wrong?
- I'm sorry.

1331
01:09:28,081 --> 01:09:29,581
It's bad news.

1332
01:09:29,916 --> 01:09:31,041
It's a girl.

1333
01:09:33,169 --> 01:09:34,211
Where's the trash can?

1334
01:09:34,421 --> 01:09:36,422
No, no, no, no! That's what we wanted!

1335
01:09:36,715 --> 01:09:38,382
We'll take her, we'll take her.

1336
01:09:38,466 --> 01:09:39,466
Oh, baby.

1337
01:09:43,972 --> 01:09:46,807
ZOEY: You were so amazing down there.

1338
01:09:47,142 --> 01:09:49,226
You saved a little person's life.

1339
01:09:54,232 --> 01:09:55,399
Whoo!

1340
01:09:57,068 --> 01:09:58,318
(MOANS)

1341
01:09:58,403 --> 01:09:59,987
It feels so nice to kiss you.

1342
01:10:00,071 --> 01:10:01,488
I know. It's nice to kiss you, too.

1343
01:10:01,573 --> 01:10:03,073
I love the hugging.

1344
01:10:03,491 --> 01:10:04,867
I just came.

1345
01:10:04,951 --> 01:10:06,201
(LAUGHS)

1346
01:10:08,163 --> 01:10:09,663
I don't care.

1347
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,166
Lie back.

1348
01:10:12,250 --> 01:10:13,292
Okay.

1349
01:10:13,376 --> 01:10:15,043
This is going to be amazing for you.

1350
01:10:15,128 --> 01:10:16,462
Okay!

1351
01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:18,213
(LET'S GET IT ON
PLAYING IN ARABIC)

1352
01:10:29,100 --> 01:10:31,143
- (LAUGHS)
- You have such a small stomach.

1353
01:10:31,227 --> 01:10:33,520
It's like a 10-year-old boy's.

1354
01:10:33,605 --> 01:10:34,730
Oh...

1355
01:10:35,440 --> 01:10:38,192
Normally, I don't kiss
a 10-year-old boy's stomach. (LAUGHS)

1356
01:10:38,276 --> 01:10:39,485
They kiss mine.

1357
01:10:40,862 --> 01:10:42,654
See you in 15 minutes.

1358
01:10:42,739 --> 01:10:43,781
(GASPS)

1359
01:10:45,283 --> 01:10:46,325
Okay.

1360
01:10:47,827 --> 01:10:49,620
(ZOEY MOANING)

1361
01:10:55,376 --> 01:10:56,710
Wait, wait.

1362
01:10:57,045 --> 01:10:58,378
Wait.

1363
01:11:00,340 --> 01:11:02,508
Allison, before we go any further,

1364
01:11:03,384 --> 01:11:05,469
there's something that I want to tell you.

1365
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:08,305
You've got a dick. I knew it.

1366
01:11:09,057 --> 01:11:11,183
Allison, I don't have a dick.

1367
01:11:11,434 --> 01:11:12,684
Great!

1368
01:11:13,061 --> 01:11:15,437
And I've never been
with a guy with a dick.

1369
01:11:15,647 --> 01:11:16,939
Or any guy.

1370
01:11:18,608 --> 01:11:19,650
Or boys.

1371
01:11:21,820 --> 01:11:22,986
Just girls.

1372
01:11:24,364 --> 01:11:25,447
And children.

1373
01:11:25,949 --> 01:11:28,784
Not male ones. Female ones.

1374
01:11:31,204 --> 01:11:32,246
Okay.

1375
01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:34,706
What I wanted to tell you was this.

1376
01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:37,960
I really want to be with you,
Allison Burgers.

1377
01:11:38,795 --> 01:11:40,045
Zoey,

1378
01:11:41,840 --> 01:11:43,924
I'm not really Allison Burgers.

1379
01:11:45,009 --> 01:11:47,678
I'm actually a little somebody called

1380
01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:50,681
Admiral General

1381
01:11:51,391 --> 01:11:52,641
Aladeen.

1382
01:11:53,518 --> 01:11:54,560
(SCOFFS)

1383
01:11:55,103 --> 01:11:56,603
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1384
01:11:57,063 --> 01:11:59,231
No, what's your real name?

1385
01:11:59,440 --> 01:12:01,191
Wait, this will convince you.

1386
01:12:03,027 --> 01:12:04,069
Look, it's me!

1387
01:12:04,988 --> 01:12:08,156
The weapons inspectors
will bathe in their own blood!

1388
01:12:08,366 --> 01:12:09,408
(LAUGHS)

1389
01:12:09,576 --> 01:12:11,034
That's your beard?

1390
01:12:11,119 --> 01:12:13,161
No, no, no! It's not my beard.

1391
01:12:13,246 --> 01:12:15,289
My friend chopped the head
off Morgan Freeman.

1392
01:12:15,748 --> 01:12:18,041
It's a hilarious story.
I'll tell you later, okay?

1393
01:12:18,585 --> 01:12:21,879
You are out of your mind. You're insane!

1394
01:12:22,046 --> 01:12:24,965
Well, you download songs
illegally from the Internet.

1395
01:12:25,508 --> 01:12:27,050
So let's not throw stones, okay?

1396
01:12:27,802 --> 01:12:29,136
You're a murderer!

1397
01:12:29,470 --> 01:12:31,513
No, no, no! Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No.

1398
01:12:31,598 --> 01:12:34,850
You were just using me
to get access to that hotel!

1399
01:12:34,934 --> 01:12:36,143
No!

1400
01:12:36,227 --> 01:12:39,813
Zoey, I'm attracted to you
in a really fucked-up way.

1401
01:12:40,315 --> 01:12:42,316
Oh, my God!

1402
01:12:42,650 --> 01:12:45,193
I'm canceling that contract tomorrow!

1403
01:12:45,653 --> 01:12:47,905
No, Zoey! What have I ever done wrong?

1404
01:12:48,156 --> 01:12:50,157
You lied to me!

1405
01:12:50,241 --> 01:12:52,659
And you're wanted for war crimes!

1406
01:12:52,744 --> 01:12:54,328
That stuff never sticks.

1407
01:12:54,913 --> 01:12:56,622
You need to leave now.

1408
01:12:57,665 --> 01:13:01,126
You have broken my heart
into Aladeen pieces.

1409
01:13:09,802 --> 01:13:12,429
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

1410
01:13:23,733 --> 01:13:26,109
ANCHORMAN: With the signing of
the constitution tomorrow morning,

1411
01:13:26,194 --> 01:13:28,695
democracy in Wadiya is just hours away,

1412
01:13:28,780 --> 01:13:31,114
and people are in the streets celebrating.

1413
01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:32,866
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Kill Aladeen, kill Aladeen, hey!

1414
01:13:33,618 --> 01:13:35,452
Kill Aladeen, kill Aladeen, hey!

1415
01:13:35,870 --> 01:13:37,496
(CROWD CHEERING)

1416
01:13:39,791 --> 01:13:41,625
REPORTER: What do you think of
Admiral General Aladeen?

1417
01:13:41,751 --> 01:13:43,669
We hate him. We hate him.

1418
01:13:43,795 --> 01:13:46,296
You know, when we think of him, we...
(MIMICS VOMITING)

1419
01:13:46,631 --> 01:13:48,966
We vomit, and we spit
and we don't want him.

1420
01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:51,301
What would you say to General
Aladeen if he were watching this?

1421
01:13:51,511 --> 01:13:53,178
I have a message for Aladeen.

1422
01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:54,888
Suevel.

1423
01:13:55,098 --> 01:13:57,641
ALL: (CHANTING) Suevel. Suevel.

1424
01:14:16,661 --> 01:14:18,245
- Good-bye!
- NADAL: Stop, stop, wait!

1425
01:14:18,329 --> 01:14:19,329
What are you doing?

1426
01:14:20,665 --> 01:14:21,665
How did you find me?

1427
01:14:22,250 --> 01:14:24,334
You texted me, like, seven times.

1428
01:14:26,254 --> 01:14:27,921
I am executing myself!

1429
01:14:28,256 --> 01:14:29,589
What? Why?

1430
01:14:29,757 --> 01:14:31,299
Because no one has ever loved me!

1431
01:14:31,676 --> 01:14:33,719
Your father would be ashamed of you!

1432
01:14:33,803 --> 01:14:36,430
No, I've realized
I don't want to be like my father!

1433
01:14:36,514 --> 01:14:39,057
In fact,
I don't want to be a dictator anymore!

1434
01:14:39,142 --> 01:14:40,308
What's that now?

1435
01:14:40,518 --> 01:14:43,311
I've been on a spiritual journey,
man, like Eat, Pray, Love.

1436
01:14:44,564 --> 01:14:46,231
Have you gone insane?

1437
01:14:46,482 --> 01:14:48,525
I now know that on the outside,

1438
01:14:48,609 --> 01:14:49,985
I am a bit of a cocksucker.

1439
01:14:50,278 --> 01:14:53,155
- Yeah.
- But deep down I'm nice.

1440
01:14:53,406 --> 01:14:55,741
- Not really.
- Yes, I am! I'm like mafroom.

1441
01:14:56,033 --> 01:14:58,160
Hard and spiky on the outside,

1442
01:14:58,244 --> 01:15:00,328
but soft and really mushy on the in.

1443
01:15:00,538 --> 01:15:03,874
You're not like mafroom at all.
You're like an onion.

1444
01:15:04,167 --> 01:15:06,126
An outer layer of cocksucker,

1445
01:15:06,210 --> 01:15:07,627
and when you peel it away,

1446
01:15:07,712 --> 01:15:10,422
there is 10 more layers
of cocksucker underneath.

1447
01:15:12,550 --> 01:15:13,884
You are such a schmuck!

1448
01:15:14,177 --> 01:15:16,720
- Why are you speaking Yiddish?
- I picked it up.

1449
01:15:16,846 --> 01:15:19,306
What do you mean, "I picked it up"?
Who picks up Yiddish?

1450
01:15:19,390 --> 01:15:20,557
I'm in New York!

1451
01:15:20,641 --> 01:15:22,893
We're trying to erase
that country off the map!

1452
01:15:22,977 --> 01:15:25,061
I don't like the people,
but I like the way that

1453
01:15:25,146 --> 01:15:27,814
their words really sound like
what they're meant to be.

1454
01:15:27,899 --> 01:15:30,734
Oh, I'm sorry! Did I not get the Evite
to your bar mitzvah?

1455
01:15:30,818 --> 01:15:31,985
Oh, my God!

1456
01:15:32,069 --> 01:15:34,112
You've got real chutzpah saying that!

1457
01:15:34,197 --> 01:15:36,406
Look, where has being
a nice guy gotten you, huh?

1458
01:15:36,699 --> 01:15:38,909
Standing on the edge of a bridge
about to commit suicide?

1459
01:15:38,993 --> 01:15:40,076
Still wearing Crocs?

1460
01:15:40,745 --> 01:15:42,162
What's wrong with Crocs?

1461
01:15:42,246 --> 01:15:45,248
They are the universal symbol
of a man who has given up hope!

1462
01:15:46,375 --> 01:15:48,335
You might as well put sweatpants on

1463
01:15:48,419 --> 01:15:50,337
and go to Applebee's
for the rest of your life!

1464
01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:53,340
I'll give you that one.
I do look ridiculous.

1465
01:15:53,424 --> 01:15:57,260
Yes! Listen, if you won't
come down from there for yourself,

1466
01:15:57,345 --> 01:15:58,595
do it for your country.

1467
01:15:58,763 --> 01:16:00,514
If this constitution is signed,

1468
01:16:00,598 --> 01:16:03,809
there will be free press,
women drivers, civil rights!

1469
01:16:04,018 --> 01:16:05,101
What are "civil rights"?

1470
01:16:05,394 --> 01:16:07,646
I'll tell you later. They're hilarious.

1471
01:16:08,147 --> 01:16:11,608
Look, you alone can stop
these terrible things from happening.

1472
01:16:11,901 --> 01:16:14,486
You are the last great dictator!

1473
01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:17,072
All of the others are gone! Qaddafi,

1474
01:16:17,281 --> 01:16:19,783
Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.

1475
01:16:21,828 --> 01:16:23,286
You are right, Nadal.

1476
01:16:23,746 --> 01:16:25,831
I will become the greatest dictator of all,

1477
01:16:25,915 --> 01:16:27,916
the envy of madmen everywhere!

1478
01:16:28,125 --> 01:16:29,709
Yes, Supreme Leader!

1479
01:16:29,794 --> 01:16:33,171
From the mountaintops of North Korea
to the jungles of Zimbabwe,

1480
01:16:33,256 --> 01:16:37,509
let every child laborer
and sweatshop factory worker sing,

1481
01:16:37,593 --> 01:16:40,262
"Oppressed at last! Oppressed at last!

1482
01:16:40,638 --> 01:16:43,431
"Thank Aladeen, I am oppressed at last!"

1483
01:16:43,516 --> 01:16:44,683
Yes! Whoa!

1484
01:16:44,767 --> 01:16:46,059
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?

1485
01:16:46,143 --> 01:16:47,519
- No, no, no, no, don't fall.
- I'm not doing anything.

1486
01:16:47,603 --> 01:16:50,272
Just do like a pull-up.
You know how you do pull-ups?

1487
01:16:50,356 --> 01:16:51,565
I invented the pull-up.

1488
01:16:55,862 --> 01:16:58,947
MIKE: If you're just joining us,
we are at the Lancaster Hotel,

1489
01:16:59,031 --> 01:17:00,740
where in about 20 minutes,

1490
01:17:02,827 --> 01:17:04,661
General Aladeen will be signing
the new Wadiyan constitution.

1491
01:17:04,745 --> 01:17:06,580
Dignitaries from around the world

1492
01:17:06,664 --> 01:17:09,583
are arriving now to witness
the creation of a democracy

1493
01:17:09,667 --> 01:17:12,460
that will undoubtedly change
the political landscape

1494
01:17:12,545 --> 01:17:14,254
of the entire region.

1495
01:17:14,505 --> 01:17:17,507
As Wadiya goes, so goes North Africa.

1496
01:17:17,800 --> 01:17:19,676
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

1497
01:17:24,015 --> 01:17:26,808
Eh, Eddie Norton, next time,
you pee on me.

1498
01:17:27,101 --> 01:17:28,184
Whatever.

1499
01:17:28,519 --> 01:17:30,520
And tell Viggo Mortensen
he is on my radar.

1500
01:17:32,982 --> 01:17:35,358
How do you say, "Fly is in the soup"?

1501
01:17:35,443 --> 01:17:37,277
Ah, gentlemen, Tamir.

1502
01:17:37,653 --> 01:17:39,779
Let me introduce you
to my beautiful wife.

1503
01:17:40,323 --> 01:17:42,741
Mrs. Lao, it is my very great pleasure.

1504
01:17:42,825 --> 01:17:44,993
No, no, no, no.
She does not speak English.

1505
01:17:45,077 --> 01:17:46,286
- Oh.
- Watch this.

1506
01:17:46,996 --> 01:17:48,622
You ugly horse! (LAUGHS)

1507
01:17:49,290 --> 01:17:50,332
She doesn't know.

1508
01:17:50,958 --> 01:17:55,128
"Ohhh." See?
She goes "Ohhh" all the time. Watch.

1509
01:17:55,671 --> 01:17:57,339
Shaved ape.

1510
01:17:57,924 --> 01:17:58,965
"Ohhh."

1511
01:18:12,480 --> 01:18:15,482
Wait. That is how you intend to get me
across to the Lancaster?

1512
01:18:15,733 --> 01:18:16,816
Absolutely.

1513
01:18:16,901 --> 01:18:18,234
- Where'd you get that?
- I built it.

1514
01:18:18,653 --> 01:18:20,904
When I was going to assassinate you.

1515
01:18:21,322 --> 01:18:22,405
You mean my double.

1516
01:18:23,157 --> 01:18:24,449
Um...

1517
01:18:25,076 --> 01:18:26,451
Sure. Yeah.

1518
01:18:31,999 --> 01:18:32,999
(BLEATS)

1519
01:18:34,210 --> 01:18:36,086
Ha-ha! Bingo!

1520
01:18:36,170 --> 01:18:38,129
(BOTH CHANTING TRIUMPHANTLY)

1521
01:18:39,173 --> 01:18:40,173
Love it!

1522
01:18:40,257 --> 01:18:41,299
- Here's what you do.
- Okay.

1523
01:18:41,384 --> 01:18:44,386
Zipline across, kill the double,

1524
01:18:44,470 --> 01:18:47,055
and then rip up the constitution
in front of the world's media.

1525
01:18:47,139 --> 01:18:48,139
Piece of cake.

1526
01:19:00,403 --> 01:19:01,736
(SCREAMING)

1527
01:19:02,530 --> 01:19:04,781
Hello, Lancaster!

1528
01:19:13,749 --> 01:19:15,041
I don't understand what has happened.

1529
01:19:15,126 --> 01:19:17,210
My calculations were very precise.

1530
01:19:17,878 --> 01:19:19,838
If you lose enough weight,
then the zipline will work.

1531
01:19:19,922 --> 01:19:21,631
Do you have anything in your pockets?

1532
01:19:21,716 --> 01:19:23,383
Uh, let me check.

1533
01:19:26,345 --> 01:19:27,554
What is that?

1534
01:19:27,638 --> 01:19:28,930
It's Vita Coco water.

1535
01:19:29,557 --> 01:19:31,057
Why do you have Vita Coco water?

1536
01:19:31,142 --> 01:19:33,810
Because it has
as much potassium as three bananas.

1537
01:19:33,894 --> 01:19:35,478
The line is still too heavy.

1538
01:19:35,563 --> 01:19:37,981
Is there anything else in your pockets
that could be weighing you down?

1539
01:19:39,984 --> 01:19:42,819
Oh, you're kidding. So then
why did you bring three bananas?

1540
01:19:42,903 --> 01:19:46,531
Because I don't trust the advertising.
I'm naturally suspicious.

1541
01:19:47,158 --> 01:19:49,659
Is there anything else you're carrying?
You're still too heavy.

1542
01:19:49,744 --> 01:19:50,869
Just this.

1543
01:19:52,705 --> 01:19:53,830
What is that, a brick?

1544
01:19:53,914 --> 01:19:56,332
All this time you've had a brick?
Why do you have that?

1545
01:19:56,417 --> 01:19:58,334
Well, to balance out the weight
from the other one.

1546
01:19:58,419 --> 01:19:59,669
You have two bricks?

1547
01:19:59,754 --> 01:20:00,795
Yes!

1548
01:20:00,880 --> 01:20:02,380
Throw them down immediately!

1549
01:20:02,840 --> 01:20:03,840
Ow.

1550
01:20:06,927 --> 01:20:09,387
Oh, my God!
There's a little goat eating the wire!

1551
01:20:12,433 --> 01:20:14,267
You need to lose weight immediately!

1552
01:20:14,602 --> 01:20:17,228
My pockets are empty. I could poo.

1553
01:20:17,605 --> 01:20:19,189
That won't be enough
to make a difference.

1554
01:20:19,273 --> 01:20:21,816
Yes, it will. I haven't gone since Wadiya.

1555
01:20:21,901 --> 01:20:24,527
Losing power
has stopped me up like a cork.

1556
01:20:24,612 --> 01:20:25,904
NADAL: Hurry!

1557
01:20:25,988 --> 01:20:28,573
Come on, Supreme Leader!
Make it rain! Make it rain!

1558
01:20:28,783 --> 01:20:30,075
(DEFECATING)

1559
01:20:30,159 --> 01:20:32,410
It's out! And it's pointy!

1560
01:20:33,454 --> 01:20:34,746
Somebody stop that man!

1561
01:20:36,582 --> 01:20:37,624
Yes!

1562
01:20:38,959 --> 01:20:40,168
What? No, no, no, no!

1563
01:20:40,961 --> 01:20:42,837
- No, no, no!
- (SCREAMING)

1564
01:20:44,965 --> 01:20:45,965
(SCREAMS)

1565
01:20:48,803 --> 01:20:50,136
(GRUNTING)

1566
01:21:06,237 --> 01:21:07,779
Supreme Leader!

1567
01:21:11,158 --> 01:21:13,326
Get out of here before Tamir kills you.

1568
01:21:14,078 --> 01:21:15,161
Who is Tamir?

1569
01:21:15,579 --> 01:21:16,955
(STAMMERS) Tamir...

1570
01:21:17,039 --> 01:21:19,749
The bald bastard
who did all these terrible things to us!

1571
01:21:20,543 --> 01:21:22,252
I thought his name was Dennis.

1572
01:21:23,796 --> 01:21:28,466
How would you even make that leap?
Tamir to Dennis?

1573
01:21:29,677 --> 01:21:31,678
- Go on, get out! Get out!
- Come on, Montzi!

1574
01:21:31,762 --> 01:21:32,762
Quick!

1575
01:21:35,975 --> 01:21:37,517
Just jump. It's not that far.

1576
01:21:38,686 --> 01:21:39,936
Efawadh.

1577
01:21:40,020 --> 01:21:41,688
It is almost time.

1578
01:21:44,525 --> 01:21:46,860
I like goats.

1579
01:21:48,028 --> 01:21:50,488
I am very stupid.

1580
01:21:52,408 --> 01:21:54,534
MIKE: This is an historic moment.

1581
01:21:54,618 --> 01:21:57,453
Admiral General Aladeen of Wadiya

1582
01:21:57,538 --> 01:21:59,038
is going to be signing

1583
01:21:59,123 --> 01:22:02,792
the first democratic constitution
in the history of his nation.

1584
01:22:02,877 --> 01:22:06,838
Across the globe,
people are glued to their television sets.

1585
01:22:06,922 --> 01:22:09,507
DENISE: The people of Wadiya
are celebrating

1586
01:22:09,592 --> 01:22:12,427
what will be
a new chapter in their country.

1587
01:22:13,262 --> 01:22:16,181
MIKE: Just moments away now
from putting his signature

1588
01:22:16,265 --> 01:22:18,641
on the first democratic constitution.

1589
01:22:19,393 --> 01:22:22,228
DENISE: That's Tamir Mafraad,
Aladeen's trusted advisor,

1590
01:22:22,313 --> 01:22:25,315
sharing a lighthearted moment with
Chinese businessman, Xiang Lao.

1591
01:22:25,399 --> 01:22:27,275
Any thoughts on
what they might be saying, Mike?

1592
01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:30,236
I thought I made out
the words "Harvey Keitel."

1593
01:22:30,321 --> 01:22:31,404
Hmm.

1594
01:22:32,823 --> 01:22:34,449
MIKE: Don't know what that meant.

1595
01:22:34,533 --> 01:22:37,285
Maybe they shared
a hot dog together, I'm thinking?

1596
01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:41,748
That would make sense. He's wiping
the mustard off his face and chest.

1597
01:22:41,832 --> 01:22:43,124
Excuse me!

1598
01:22:43,209 --> 01:22:44,667
You have to let me in.
You don't understand.

1599
01:22:44,752 --> 01:22:46,419
He's trying to stop the signing!

1600
01:22:46,503 --> 01:22:48,046
Tamir is now speaking.

1601
01:22:48,130 --> 01:22:49,130
Today,

1602
01:22:49,840 --> 01:22:51,591
we begin a new era.

1603
01:22:52,134 --> 01:22:55,178
Wadiya will be open to the world.

1604
01:22:55,262 --> 01:22:56,846
Open to the future.

1605
01:22:56,931 --> 01:22:58,431
And open for business.

1606
01:22:59,934 --> 01:23:03,353
The document is ready to be signed,
Supreme Leader.

1607
01:23:11,946 --> 01:23:14,697
What are you doing?
This man is an imposter!

1608
01:23:14,782 --> 01:23:19,244
No! This traitor tried to kill me
and had my beard removed!

1609
01:23:19,328 --> 01:23:21,537
- Look!
- AUDIENCE: Oh!

1610
01:23:21,622 --> 01:23:24,040
Arrest the viper Tamir!

1611
01:23:24,124 --> 01:23:25,833
MIKE: And now in another

1612
01:23:25,918 --> 01:23:29,545
amazing turn of events,
Tamir Mafraad is being taken away.

1613
01:23:29,630 --> 01:23:32,173
This constitution

1614
01:23:32,258 --> 01:23:34,926
is nothing
but a license for oil companies

1615
01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:38,513
and foreign interests
to destroy my beloved Wadiya!

1616
01:23:38,597 --> 01:23:42,225
Wadiya will remain a dictatorship!

1617
01:23:42,309 --> 01:23:43,810
(ALL EXCLAIMING IN HORROR)

1618
01:23:45,479 --> 01:23:47,480
(ALL BOOING)

1619
01:23:49,566 --> 01:23:51,401
(LAUGHS) Whoo!

1620
01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:53,403
Oh, be quiet.

1621
01:23:53,779 --> 01:23:56,781
Why are you guys so anti dictators?

1622
01:23:57,032 --> 01:23:59,867
Imagine if America was a dictatorship.

1623
01:24:00,244 --> 01:24:04,455
You could let 1% of the people
have all the nation's wealth.

1624
01:24:04,790 --> 01:24:06,249
You could help your rich friends

1625
01:24:06,333 --> 01:24:08,876
get richer by cutting their taxes

1626
01:24:08,961 --> 01:24:12,213
and bailing them out
when they gamble and lose.

1627
01:24:12,673 --> 01:24:16,968
You could ignore the needs of the poor
for health care and education.

1628
01:24:17,052 --> 01:24:18,720
Your media would appear free

1629
01:24:18,804 --> 01:24:22,932
but would secretly be controlled
by one person and his family.

1630
01:24:23,017 --> 01:24:27,270
You could wiretap phones,
you could torture foreign prisoners.

1631
01:24:27,354 --> 01:24:29,522
You could have rigged elections.

1632
01:24:29,606 --> 01:24:31,691
You could lie about why you go to war.

1633
01:24:32,234 --> 01:24:34,027
You could fill your prisons

1634
01:24:34,111 --> 01:24:37,739
with one particular racial group
and no one would complain!

1635
01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:41,451
You could use the media
to scare the people

1636
01:24:41,535 --> 01:24:45,455
into supporting policies
that are against their interests.

1637
01:24:45,539 --> 01:24:48,916
I know this is hard
for you Americans to imagine,

1638
01:24:49,001 --> 01:24:50,960
but please try.

1639
01:24:51,045 --> 01:24:53,296
I will tell you what democracy is!

1640
01:24:53,714 --> 01:24:55,840
Democracy is the worst!

1641
01:24:55,924 --> 01:24:58,843
Endless talking
and listening to every stupid opinion!

1642
01:24:58,927 --> 01:25:01,012
And everybody's vote counts,

1643
01:25:01,096 --> 01:25:04,766
no matter how crippled
or black or female they are.

1644
01:25:05,684 --> 01:25:07,060
Democracy...

1645
01:25:13,817 --> 01:25:15,109
Democracy

1646
01:25:16,487 --> 01:25:20,615
has hairy armpits
and could lose five pounds.

1647
01:25:21,825 --> 01:25:25,119
Democracy looks like
a midget in a chemo wig.

1648
01:25:26,497 --> 01:25:29,916
Democracy, your mother
called the other day

1649
01:25:30,042 --> 01:25:31,167
and I forgot to give you the message.

1650
01:25:31,293 --> 01:25:35,380
It was something very important
about your grandmother.

1651
01:25:37,091 --> 01:25:39,717
Democracy kisses you
because she wants to,

1652
01:25:39,802 --> 01:25:43,679
not because her father
is in the next room chained to a radiator

1653
01:25:43,764 --> 01:25:45,890
with electrodes attached to his nipples.

1654
01:25:46,725 --> 01:25:51,062
Democracy is flawed! She is not perfect!

1655
01:25:51,730 --> 01:25:53,231
But democracy,

1656
01:25:56,777 --> 01:25:57,777
I love you.

1657
01:25:58,904 --> 01:26:01,989
And that is why I call for real democracy!

1658
01:26:02,074 --> 01:26:03,866
A real constitution!

1659
01:26:03,951 --> 01:26:05,910
And real elections in Wadiya!

1660
01:26:06,954 --> 01:26:08,454
(ALL CHEERING)

1661
01:26:12,543 --> 01:26:14,544
Oh, no!

1662
01:26:15,420 --> 01:26:16,587
Come on!

1663
01:26:23,470 --> 01:26:26,639
Democracy,
I will make you one of my wives.

1664
01:26:27,724 --> 01:26:30,143
Okay, only wife. We'll vote on it.

1665
01:26:30,769 --> 01:26:32,687
I'll shave my armpits for you.

1666
01:26:32,771 --> 01:26:34,856
Praise be to the Creator!

1667
01:26:34,940 --> 01:26:37,358
And please stop using
that organic deodorant.

1668
01:26:37,442 --> 01:26:39,652
You could gas the Kurds
with that stench.

1669
01:26:58,463 --> 01:26:59,839
(ALL GASPING)

1670
01:27:06,805 --> 01:27:08,723
You died protecting me, Efawadh.

1671
01:27:09,474 --> 01:27:10,474
Hello!

1672
01:27:10,767 --> 01:27:11,767
You are alive?

1673
01:27:11,977 --> 01:27:14,937
Of course!
It is my job to be shot in the head.

1674
01:27:18,609 --> 01:27:20,484
- Is he okay?
- He's fine.

1675
01:27:20,569 --> 01:27:23,154
Luckily the bullet hit him in the brain.

1676
01:27:24,281 --> 01:27:26,115
Oh. So, um,

1677
01:27:27,576 --> 01:27:28,618
what now?

1678
01:27:28,911 --> 01:27:32,246
I return to Wadiya
to participate in fair elections.

1679
01:27:32,831 --> 01:27:33,873
(LAUGHS)

1680
01:27:43,091 --> 01:27:44,133
(GREETS IN WADIYAN)

1681
01:27:44,218 --> 01:27:47,762
Let's now look back
at the wonderful events of the past year.

1682
01:27:47,846 --> 01:27:50,640
After Wadiya's first free elections,

1683
01:27:50,724 --> 01:27:53,684
President Prime Minister
Admiral General Aladeen

1684
01:27:53,769 --> 01:27:56,354
won 98.8% of the vote.

1685
01:27:58,899 --> 01:28:02,485
But the big story today is the marriage
of President Prime Minister

1686
01:28:02,569 --> 01:28:06,322
Admiral General Aladeen
and his new bride, Zoey.

1687
01:28:10,577 --> 01:28:13,204
I now pronounce you man and wife.

1688
01:28:13,288 --> 01:28:15,706
(CROWD CHEERING)

1689
01:28:21,672 --> 01:28:22,964
(GLASS SHATTERING)

1690
01:28:23,048 --> 01:28:25,258
Are you okay, my love?
What did you step on?

1691
01:28:25,342 --> 01:28:26,634
Oh, yes! No, no.

1692
01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:30,388
It's my people's tradition.
We always smash a glass at weddings.

1693
01:28:30,472 --> 01:28:32,306
- I'm Jewish!
- What?

1694
01:28:32,391 --> 01:28:33,683
Mazel tov!

1695
01:28:38,689 --> 01:28:39,730
Are you okay?

1696
01:28:40,732 --> 01:28:43,401
That's fine. I don't mind. It's great!

1697
01:28:43,860 --> 01:28:45,569
Come here, my love.

1698
01:29:05,299 --> 01:29:07,174
Jachnoon, President
Prime Minister Aladeen.

1699
01:29:07,259 --> 01:29:10,553
Jachnoon. Nadal. I have to be back
at the palace in an hour.

1700
01:29:10,637 --> 01:29:12,930
Zoey thinks I'm at yoga.

1701
01:29:13,348 --> 01:29:14,348
I have great news.

1702
01:29:14,433 --> 01:29:17,226
We are just days away
from testing the new missiles.

1703
01:29:17,311 --> 01:29:19,270
I have re-engineered the oxidizing ducts

1704
01:29:19,354 --> 01:29:20,813
and the payload delivery systems.

1705
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:25,609
But you'll be happy to know,
the missile is now pointy!

1706
01:29:26,862 --> 01:29:28,821
Who cares if it's pointy?

1707
01:29:28,905 --> 01:29:30,072
What?

1708
01:29:30,574 --> 01:29:32,867
You do. You care if it's pointy.

1709
01:29:32,951 --> 01:29:34,618
Why would I care
about such a trivial detail?

1710
01:29:34,703 --> 01:29:36,954
Are you serious?
Are you serious right now?

1711
01:29:37,039 --> 01:29:38,039
(CHUCKLING) Of course I'm serious.

1712
01:29:38,123 --> 01:29:39,582
That's why you had me executed!

1713
01:29:39,666 --> 01:29:42,960
The shape of the missile has nothing
to do with the payload delivery.

1714
01:29:43,045 --> 01:29:45,463
That's what I said!
That's what I said the first time!

1715
01:29:45,547 --> 01:29:46,964
No, that's what I said,
and you went crazy.

1716
01:29:47,049 --> 01:29:49,258
No! You said Professor Popeye this...

1717
01:29:49,426 --> 01:29:51,177
Professor Popeye is a cartoon.

1718
01:29:51,303 --> 01:29:52,553
No, I know this!

1719
01:29:57,225 --> 01:30:00,394
So, we, um, we're opening
300 Women's Centers,

1720
01:30:00,645 --> 01:30:04,565
but I'm going to have to take
a break for a little bit because

1721
01:30:05,233 --> 01:30:06,609
I'm pregnant.

1722
01:30:06,693 --> 01:30:07,818
What?

1723
01:30:07,903 --> 01:30:09,111
(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)

1724
01:30:11,573 --> 01:30:14,075
Are you having a boy or an abortion?

1725
01:30:15,243 --> 01:30:16,994
(ILA NZOUR NEBRA PLAYING)

1726
01:30:28,924 --> 01:30:30,800
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

1727
01:30:37,641 --> 01:30:38,682
Hello, gentlemen. How you doin'?

1728
01:30:38,767 --> 01:30:40,309
Are you guys friends of the deceased?

1729
01:30:40,394 --> 01:30:43,187
Do you want me to say this
in front of his widow?

1730
01:30:43,271 --> 01:30:44,313
I was his lover.

1731
01:30:44,398 --> 01:30:45,898
No. That is not true.

1732
01:30:46,316 --> 01:30:48,317
I saw him perform with the Globetrotters.

1733
01:30:48,402 --> 01:30:50,903
I thought he was outstanding.
I befriended him.

1734
01:30:50,987 --> 01:30:53,114
No, it's a different person.

1735
01:30:53,198 --> 01:30:56,534
His message of don't worry
and being happy

1736
01:30:56,618 --> 01:30:57,785
was so powerful.

1737
01:30:57,869 --> 01:31:00,121
No, this is Bobby McFerrin.
I told you this outside.

1738
01:31:00,205 --> 01:31:02,456
Whatever the scandal you went through,

1739
01:31:02,541 --> 01:31:04,375
you're still the best golfer in the world.

1740
01:31:04,459 --> 01:31:05,626
Let's go.

1741
01:31:07,170 --> 01:31:08,546
O-M-G.

1742
01:31:09,631 --> 01:31:11,006
Oh, my God.

1743
01:31:11,174 --> 01:31:13,384
(SPEAKS MOCK ARABIC)

1744
01:31:13,927 --> 01:31:15,177
Oh, my...

1745
01:31:15,387 --> 01:31:17,680
(SPEAKS MOCK ARABIC)

1746
01:31:18,557 --> 01:31:19,598
Oh, my...

1747
01:31:19,683 --> 01:31:22,852
(SPEAKS MOCK ARABIC)

1748
01:31:24,479 --> 01:31:25,521
(MOANS)

1749
01:31:25,981 --> 01:31:27,106
Zoey.

1750
01:31:28,608 --> 01:31:30,818
NADAL: Mmm-mmm!
That's some good head!

1751
01:31:30,902 --> 01:31:31,902
(LAUGHS)

1752
01:31:33,071 --> 01:31:35,197
That is called payback
and it feels so good!

1753
01:31:35,282 --> 01:31:37,575
How did it feel for you?
How did it feel for you?

1754
01:31:37,659 --> 01:31:39,451
I prefer it with goats.

1755
01:31:40,162 --> 01:31:41,704
Where is the Supreme Leader?

1756
01:31:41,788 --> 01:31:42,788
No, no.

1757
01:31:42,873 --> 01:31:45,291
Now that is called payback!

1758
01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:46,834
- (ALADEEN LAUGHING)
- Oh, great!

1759
01:31:47,669 --> 01:31:49,003
(WHISTLING)

1760
01:31:52,257 --> 01:31:55,301
(SNICKERS) Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.

1761
01:31:55,760 --> 01:31:57,094
You don't have to touch it.

1762
01:31:57,179 --> 01:31:58,220
Sorry. I was...

1763
01:31:58,305 --> 01:32:00,139
Just give us... We don't...

1764
01:32:00,223 --> 01:32:03,142
Just give me
a couple of millimeters to myself.

1765
01:32:04,269 --> 01:32:06,353
(THE NEXT EPISODE
PLAYING IN ARABIC)

1766
01:34:34,753 --> 01:34:37,671
(THE SONG OF ADMIRAL GENERAL
SERGEANT ALADEEN PLAYING)

1767
01:37:34,098 --> 01:38:41,039
(MONEY'S ON THE DRESSER
PLAYING)