1 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,189 MAN: Can I get you to sign right here, please? 2 00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:32,128 WOMAN: Okay. Here you go. 3 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,325 - Thanks. - You're welcome. 4 00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:38,770 (FOOTSTEPS PATTERING) 5 00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:40,465 WOMAN: Hi, Will. Package for you. 6 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:43,441 (PEN CLICKING) 7 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,515 WILLIAM: I don't think anyone ever imagines on their wedding day 8 00:00:57,590 --> 00:01:01,549 they'll be part of the 46% that doesn't live happily ever after. 9 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,122 WOMAN: Will? 10 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,029 Just heard we got the Quaker Oats account. 11 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,898 Way to go. You must be completely psyched. 12 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:11,765 WILLIAM: Then again, 13 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,396 I never thought I'd spend my days, 14 00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,873 weeks and years working in an advertising agency 15 00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:20,845 trying to figure out how to get kids to eat Cap'n Crunch instead of Froot Loops. 16 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:24,640 But Tuesdays and Fridays are my favorite days. 17 00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:29,017 I get out of work early, and I go pick up my daughter, Maya, from school. 18 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,422 Now, it's a great feeling when you find the right track to go with the day. 19 00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:36,428 And today, I have found the absolute perfect song. 20 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:37,485 (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 21 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,565 Bitches, they can kiss my... 22 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,359 WILLIAM: The other perfect song. 23 00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,494 (EVERYDAY PEOPLE PLAYING) 24 00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:26,834 (CAR HORN BLARING) 25 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,541 (MOUTHING WORDS) Thank you. 26 00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:34,113 You're welcome. 27 00:03:57,103 --> 00:04:00,971 WILLIAM: But sometimes, no matter how carefully you plan your playlist, 28 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,009 there is no right track for what awaits you. 29 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:07,937 (ALL CLAMORING) 30 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,810 - Come on, come on! - Hey, what's going on? 31 00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:16,354 Will, did you know there was gonna be a sex ed class today? 32 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,514 Aren't they kind of young? 33 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:20,718 - Yeah! It was a total disaster. - At least it got them reading. 34 00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:21,987 There's a book! 35 00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:25,428 "The 250 million sperm are ejaculated 36 00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:29,229 "and begin their treacherous journey towards the fallopian tubes! 37 00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,894 "One hundred million are wiped out instantly..." 38 00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,437 I'm gonna find Maya. 39 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:33,938 GIRL: Do you still have sex with Daddy? 40 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,201 - What are you talking about? - Do you? 41 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,936 - You know, we will go home and talk... - You do, don't you? 42 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,274 - We will go home and talk about this. - GIRL: I hate you, I hate you! 43 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,969 (CLAMORING CONTINUES) 44 00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:45,543 WOMAN: Stop pulling on me! I am trying to get to the bottom of something! 45 00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:47,151 We need to talk. 46 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:51,151 Which is when the man removes his penis from his pajamas 47 00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:52,486 and thrusts it into a woman's vagina... 48 00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:56,153 Okay, but Mrs. Gallagher didn't actually say "thrust." 49 00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:57,756 - Yeah. - Oh. 50 00:04:58,498 --> 00:04:59,726 But what I don't understand, 51 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,666 Sammy Boigon's sister said he was an accident. 52 00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:06,671 I mean, how do you accidentally thrust a penis into... Hi, Luis. 53 00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:08,536 - Hey. - How do you accidentally... 54 00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:13,011 Stop saying "penis" and "thrust." Just say "tinkle part" or "wee- wee." 55 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,103 Something cute. 56 00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:17,672 - Explain how Sammy was an accident. - That's complicated. 57 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,818 - Penis! Penis. - Okay. All right, that's enough. 58 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,617 (SIGHING) Okay, they... 59 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:27,091 It's not like his dad slipped on a banana peel. 60 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:31,494 The accident was that Sammy's mom got pregnant. 61 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:36,159 If they didn't want a baby, then how come they had sex? 62 00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,665 That's a very good question. 63 00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:43,269 I guess you could say that they were rehearsing. 64 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,805 - Was I an accident? - No. 65 00:05:46,879 --> 00:05:48,938 - I was, wasn't I? - No. 66 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:54,009 You were completely and totally on purpose. I knew exactly what I was getting into. 67 00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:55,743 (SIGHS) 68 00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:00,050 I think you should tell me the story of you and my mom. 69 00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:03,755 Why do you keep saying "my mom" like I've never met her? 70 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:08,191 Well, because now that you're getting divorced, 71 00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:11,332 she's mine, not yours. 72 00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:13,531 - Is that so? - Tell me how it happened. 73 00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:18,703 And the real story, not the, "Oh, we met, we fell in love, 74 00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,372 "and we decided to take all that love 75 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:24,848 "and make a family, and that's how we made you." 76 00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:27,112 You know something? I'm gonna tell you the real, true story 77 00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:28,346 of how me and your mother met. 78 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,048 - When I'm old enough. - Yep. 79 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:33,422 - Look. I know love isn't a fairytale. - Really? 80 00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:34,892 Really. 81 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,121 Did you have another girlfriend before you met her? 82 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,220 (CHUCKLES) 83 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,765 Come on, tell me the truth. 84 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:41,822 (SIGHS) 85 00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:44,227 I had two serious girlfriends. 86 00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:47,761 And then some other, a smattering of other women that I dated. 87 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,137 You know. 88 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:50,834 What? 89 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,208 What's the boy word for slut? 90 00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:57,071 They still haven't come up with one yet, but I'm sure they're working on it. 91 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,549 You a vegetarian this week or not? 92 00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,085 - Yeah, I am. - Great. 93 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,553 MAYA: I'm guessing you weren't her first boyfriend. 94 00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:05,955 Maybe it was some nerdy guy, or maybe he was mean. 95 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,526 Or maybe 96 00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:09,683 (FAUCET RUNNING) 97 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:12,024 You were friends for the longest time, 98 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,397 and then just when you were about to put your penis 99 00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:16,594 into somebody else's vagina... 100 00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:17,693 WILLIAM: Okay. Good night, Maya. 101 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,203 ...you realized Mom was the only one for you! 102 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,398 Bedtime! 103 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:23,271 You still have to tell me the story of why you fell in love with her. 104 00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:26,709 I fell in love with her because she was smart and beautiful and fun. 105 00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:30,010 So now she's stupid and ugly and boring? 106 00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:32,380 - Of course not. - Then what's the problem? 107 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,650 - It's complicated, Maya. - Everything with you is so complicated. 108 00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:41,659 I bet that if you just told me the story, you'd realize that it's not complicated at all. 109 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:44,160 That you just love her. 110 00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:47,397 I know this is tough for you, but what are you thinking? 111 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,231 That I'm gonna tell you this story and it's gonna make everything better? 112 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,327 It doesn't work that way. 113 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:55,363 Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. Tell me and we'll find out. 114 00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:59,678 No. Game over. It's time for bed. 115 00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:03,681 No, it's not time for bed! It's time for you to tell me the story! 116 00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:05,979 - Maya. - I need to know! 117 00:08:08,287 --> 00:08:09,845 I need to know. 118 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,652 Fine! Fine! 119 00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,118 I'm gonna tell you the story, 120 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:16,627 - but I'm not telling you who your mom is. - Fine. 121 00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,061 You're just gonna have to figure it out for yourself. 122 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,461 - Good. - And I'm changing all the names 123 00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,898 and some of the facts, but I just decided that right now. 124 00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:25,233 - And then we'll see how smart you are. - I like it. It's like a love storylmystery. 125 00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:27,670 - Great. Sounds good. You ready? - No. 126 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:28,798 No. 127 00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,309 - Take your time. - I will. 128 00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:35,540 - I know you will. - You go here. 129 00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:37,606 - Princess pillow? - Thank you. 130 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,344 - You bet. - Okay. 131 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,114 (SIGHS) 132 00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:48,784 I'm ready. 133 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,658 Once upon a time, 134 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:55,724 before e- mails and cell phones and reality television shows, 135 00:08:56,636 --> 00:09:01,403 in 1992 to be exact, in a little town called Madison, Wisconsin, 136 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:04,034 there lived a young man named William Hayes. 137 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:07,705 - Hey, Will, man, Happy New Year. - Hey, yeah, you, too. 138 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:13,013 WILLIAM: Now, this young man was deeply, deeply in love with his college sweetheart. 139 00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:14,313 Let's call her... 140 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,014 - Emily! - Emily! 141 00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:17,683 Emily! 142 00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,187 - Hey. - Hi. 143 00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:23,285 ALL: Ten, nine, eight... 144 00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:28,459 Hey, guess who's gonna be the luckiest guy on planet Earth in about four seconds? 145 00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:29,831 You. 146 00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,597 ALL: Two, one! 147 00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,605 Happy New Year! 148 00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:35,607 WILLIAM: They were a perfect couple. 149 00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:38,610 Except to really understand how this young man 150 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,839 ended up marrying your mother, you'll also need to know 151 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:45,577 that he had a very big, incredibly embarrassing dream. 152 00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:47,084 All rise 153 00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:52,952 for the President of the United States of America, 154 00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:55,550 William 155 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,259 Matthew 156 00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,754 Hayes. 157 00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,901 MAYA: (CHUCKLING) You wanted to be President? 158 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:09,365 I'm just, I don't understand why you have to work for Clinton in New York. 159 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,307 Why can't you just work for him in Madison? 160 00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,436 Well, because they don't need me here. They need me in New York. 161 00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:17,812 They need him, Em. Will's the man. I can't believe you're letting him go. 162 00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:19,783 I mean, don't you know about New York girls? 163 00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:22,218 Besides being incredibly hot, they have no problem with casual sex, 164 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,381 which by the way, I totally respect. 165 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,721 - What if Charlie's right? - Charlie's never right. 166 00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:30,751 - He's functionally retarded. - I am worried New York's gonna change you. 167 00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,855 - Change can be good. - Lf we change together. 168 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,628 So, we'll change together. 169 00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:38,727 Okay? It's two months in New York. I'll be back before you know it. 170 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:39,998 Besides, we have a plan, right? 171 00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:43,508 The other thing I can't believe is that you'd risk leaving Emily here with me, 172 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:47,603 'cause I gotta tell you, I've always had a thing for you... 173 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,748 And I have absolutely no scruples. 174 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:56,780 Wait! I almost forgot. You have to give this to Summer. 175 00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,147 She's the only girl I know in New York. 176 00:10:58,224 --> 00:10:59,316 - I want you to meet her. - Summer Hartley? 177 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,654 - Yes. Yes. - That's her name? 178 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,455 She was on my exchange program at Cambridge, 179 00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:05,827 and all the guys wanted to sleep with her, and you probably will, too. 180 00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:07,058 Maybe you should mail it to her. 181 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:08,293 - That might be a better idea. - No. 182 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,356 What is it? 183 00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:12,768 Something I should have sent her a long time ago. 184 00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,330 I love you, William Hayes. 185 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:16,397 (CAR HORN HONKING) 186 00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:20,971 Okay. Go, go, go. Go be your brilliant self. 187 00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:24,648 MAYA: Emily sounds like she would make a good mom. 188 00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:27,515 - I just don't know if she's my mom. - WILLIAM: Why not? 189 00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:28,883 MAYA: Everyone knows that the girlfriend 190 00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:31,855 in the beginning of the story always gets dumped. 191 00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:35,189 Which means maybe Summer Hartley is my mother. 192 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,739 WILLIAM: I'll never forget that day. 193 00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:57,613 There I was, arriving in the city I always dreamed about 194 00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:00,811 to work on a campaign that I believed in with all of my heart. 195 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:04,378 And on top of that, I was positive that in just a few hours, 196 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,426 the campaign manager would realize how brilliant I was. 197 00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:08,983 And then I'd be writing speeches, 198 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:11,188 and then I'd be coming up with strategy, and before long... 199 00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:12,628 GARETH: Will Hayes? 200 00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:14,393 - Hey. Gareth Henderson. - You're Gareth. 201 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,095 - Hey, how are you? - Nice to meet you. We're walking, Hayes. 202 00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:21,435 I brought my C.V. and a sample of some speeches I wrote for Congressman Sweeney. 203 00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:25,466 Fantastic. I cannot wait to peruse these in my abundant spare time. 204 00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,638 In the meantime, here's a sample of the coffee and bagel order 205 00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:30,477 I'll need filled immediately. 206 00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:31,709 Wait! 207 00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,481 You want me to get coffee? 208 00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:36,612 At some point in our lives, we all get coffee. Your time's now. Come on. 209 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:37,747 We're still walking, Hayes. 210 00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:40,485 Have the coffee here by 10:00, or Arthur's gonna kill me! 211 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:43,528 That means I'm gonna have to kill you. I've killed before, Hayes. 212 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,588 - You should know that. - What is this? 213 00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:48,257 That is a cellular telephone 214 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:51,633 so I can get a hold of you wherever, whenever, for whatever. 215 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,730 - Can somebody get me an aspirin, please? - Watch it! 216 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:56,968 Glad to have you aboard, Hayes! 217 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,304 - Hi. - What? Hi. 218 00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:05,282 ARTHUR: Four weeks from now, voters of New York State 219 00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:09,014 will select their next Democratic nominee for President. 220 00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,348 Now, if Bill Clinton wins, 221 00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:14,826 I want you to all understand that it's gonna be as a direct result 222 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:18,853 of the commitment and the energy of every person in this room. 223 00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,333 And I mean that. That's just a fact. 224 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,494 Now, that's how important the work is. 225 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,504 That each and every one of you is... 226 00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:27,561 (WILLIAM SCREAMS) 227 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,629 (CRASHING) 228 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,800 WILLIAM: (SHOUTING) What am I doing here? 229 00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:34,873 It's the new guy. 230 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:39,847 - Hey. - Hey, is that the toilet paper guy? 231 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:47,521 - Can I get a pack of Morley Red, please? - 3.25. 232 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,786 3.25? These are $2.15 in Madison, Wisconsin. 233 00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:53,229 So go back to Madison. 234 00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,859 - Don't forget to write. - That's right. Don't forget to write. 235 00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:58,233 MAYA: Hold it! Stop. Stop right there! 236 00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:00,003 You smoked? 237 00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:01,539 No. Yeah. 238 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,477 But I didn't mean to tell you that. 239 00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:11,306 Listen. I was young, and I was stupid, and I haven't smoked in years. 240 00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:12,509 I promise you. 241 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,782 Is there anything else you should tell me? 242 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,255 Probably not. 243 00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:26,698 - Can I get 10 copies? - Put them on the pile. 244 00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:29,233 No, they're for Arthur. I need them like, 15 minutes ago. 245 00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:31,428 So if you wouldn't mind... 246 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,328 You're the toilet paper guy. 247 00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:36,863 MAYA: Wait. Who's that? WILLIAM: That's April. 248 00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:40,702 Yes. I am, in fact, the toilet paper guy, 249 00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,770 but feel free to call me the bagel- and-coffee guy. 250 00:14:42,848 --> 00:14:47,683 Or Todd in Accounting calls me Crystal, which I'm pretty sure is a girl's name. 251 00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:50,779 - How many copies? - Ten. Please. 252 00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:53,188 - These? - Yeah, both of those. 253 00:14:54,426 --> 00:14:56,451 What made you become a Bill Clinton supporter? 254 00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:59,156 I'm not. This is a money gig. I get paid 12 an hour, 255 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:03,531 which is better than babysitting, which is what I've been doing way too much of. 256 00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:05,069 You're a Democrat, right? 257 00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:08,538 Why does everyone have to be a Democrat or a Republican? 258 00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:09,869 I'm struggling with the copy machine. 259 00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:12,206 No, hold on. You're an Independent, aren't you? 260 00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:15,611 I am nothing. Why am I obligated to be something? 261 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:18,912 Why do I have to have an opinion about everything anyway? 262 00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:21,009 I mean, really, what do I know about missile systems 263 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,316 or Social Security, or the tax code? 264 00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:26,552 What about civil rights or women's rights? 265 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,923 A woman's right to do what she wants with her body? What about that? 266 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:31,485 I do what I want with my body. 267 00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:33,929 That's apathetic. 268 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,694 - I'm not apathetic. - Yes, you are. 269 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,135 I'm not. I just know that these bozos you're working for, 270 00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:41,263 they don't care about anything more than their own ambitions. 271 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:42,500 That's absolutely not true. 272 00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:44,940 You think this guy, Bill Clinton, is gonna make a huge difference? 273 00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,001 - I do. - He's gonna do what's already inevitable. 274 00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:49,172 - Okay, that's where you're wrong. - Don't make me staple your head! 275 00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:51,682 You're wrong. He's gonna make a difference with African Americans. 276 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,513 He's gonna make a difference with women. He gets women. 277 00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:55,246 - My God. - I mean, look at his record in Arkansas. 278 00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:56,310 (SNORING) 279 00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:58,083 Read his plans on health care. Read his plans on education. 280 00:15:58,157 --> 00:15:59,749 - Okay, or don't. You know, yeah. - Oh, my God, I'm sorry. 281 00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:00,849 - Yeah, I'm sorry. - I just fell asleep. 282 00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:02,325 - I'm really sorry. - Yeah. That's fine. 283 00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:03,622 Wake up to a new America. 284 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,459 - I believe you. - This has been really interesting. 285 00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:08,796 - Fine. You convinced me. You're nothing. - I'm nothing. 286 00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:10,698 FLOWERS ON TV: So I'm here to repeat in front of all of you... 287 00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:13,670 MAN: Hey! Listen up! Look up, everybody! 288 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,173 Yes, I was Bill Clinton's lover for 12 years. 289 00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:18,231 WOMAN: Hey, somebody turn it up. 290 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:22,406 For the past two years, I have lied to the press about our relationship to protect him. 291 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,779 The truth is, I loved him. 292 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,549 (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) 293 00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:28,778 Now he tells me to deny it. 294 00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:34,884 Well, I'm sick of all of the deceit, and I'm sick of all of the lies. 295 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:39,923 Well, you're right about one thing. He certainly gets women. 296 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:43,127 - This has been fun. Yeah. - (LAUGHING) Bye, toilet paper guy. 297 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:44,794 Bye, copy girl. 298 00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,128 MAN: Oh, my God. It never ends. 299 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:49,106 They just keep playing it over and over and over again. 300 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:50,505 - WOMAN: It's gonna blow over. - Right. 301 00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:51,634 People don't really care about this stuff. 302 00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:53,803 - That's the thing. - What I don't understand, 303 00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:56,177 I've heard Bush has a mistress. 304 00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:59,547 Everybody's talking about it, so why is it okay for him and not for Clinton? 305 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:00,915 She's trashy. 306 00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:02,044 (MAN LAUGHING) 307 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,646 I mean, her hair alone is enough reason to go after Clinton. 308 00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:06,953 Big deal. Everyone has their weaknesses, you know? 309 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,995 Those chubby redheads with the long, fake fingernails? 310 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:12,530 - That's what Daddy likes. - That's just nasty. 311 00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,759 Gareth, you are unfailingly repugnant. 312 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:18,769 Hey. That is a coincidence. I love women that say "unfailingly repugnant." 313 00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:19,997 WILLIAM: You know what I love? 314 00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:22,302 I love long-haired brunettes with horn-rimmed glasses. 315 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,535 I have no idea why. They're like kryptonite to me. 316 00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:25,941 I got that one, too. 317 00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:29,276 I got a thing for guys who've got a thing for me. 318 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,449 You might wanna look at that. I'm gonna propose a toast. 319 00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:34,076 I am fine with that. 320 00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:36,314 - To Bill and his weaknesses. - Yes. 321 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,650 - To Bill. - To Bill. 322 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:39,849 (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 323 00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:44,822 (PHONE RINGING) 324 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:45,921 EMILY: Hello? 325 00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,727 Hey! It's me! 326 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,461 - Is that Emily? - Is that Emily? 327 00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,526 - Hi, Emily! - Hi, Emily! 328 00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:52,763 What's all that noise? 329 00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:56,467 Nothing. That's just a couple of idiots I work with making fun of me 330 00:17:56,542 --> 00:18:01,104 because they don't have a beautiful girlfriend that they're eternally devoted to! 331 00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,238 You're drunk. 332 00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:03,713 You're beautiful. 333 00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:06,580 - You're horny. - You might be right. 334 00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:07,744 (EMILY LAUGHING) 335 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:10,448 Emily? Come to New York. 336 00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:13,320 You'll love it here. It's the energy, the people. It's amazing. 337 00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:17,522 Whoa, did you just say "energy"? Will, you did not just say "energy." 338 00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:18,824 What? 339 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,930 You're never coming back. 340 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,902 Hey, come on, now. I just want you to come for a weekend. 341 00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:29,063 You're right. I'm sorry. 342 00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:32,306 Did you call Summer? 343 00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:36,440 No. I left her a message. She didn't get back to me. 344 00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,413 Hey. You okay? 345 00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,387 Yeah. I'm just really lonely here, 346 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:46,652 and I miss you like crazy, and it's really hard. 347 00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:50,354 Yeah. I know what you mean. 348 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:16,485 - Hey. What are you doing up? - WILLIAM: Mr. McCormack. 349 00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:20,753 Come on, you've been staring at that package for about a week now. 350 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,927 How was the rest of your evening? Successful, I take it. 351 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:29,991 Oh, my goodness. I'm in big trouble. I love this girl! 352 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,159 You know, that's usually a good thing. 353 00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:35,035 It's hard enough to get elected the first black President 354 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,940 without having Julia Roberts on your arm at the inauguration. 355 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,945 That is an impressive mental leap, Russ, 356 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:44,779 going from a one- night stand to being sworn in as President. 357 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,383 Open it. 358 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:50,546 I know you're dying to know what's inside. 359 00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:54,422 Just her name alone, Summer Hartley, is driving me... 360 00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:57,189 Look it! You got a tear right there! I see it. 361 00:19:57,262 --> 00:20:00,129 Come on through. You can do it. 362 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,030 Thank you. Yes. 363 00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:09,405 - It's a diary. - Sweet Jesus. Let me see. 364 00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:13,672 No! Stop! Stop right there. We're not gonna read this. We can't. 365 00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:18,780 WILLIAM: "The boys' dorm is across the quad, their windows visible from ours. 366 00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,943 "The evenings are hot and sticky. 367 00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:26,423 "We are all half-dressed, pretending we can't be seen by the boys. 368 00:20:26,491 --> 00:20:29,426 "Some of us are bold. My new friend 369 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,220 "Emily is sweet 370 00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:37,328 "and embarrassed by it all, always waiting to see what I will do." 371 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:42,700 Don't stop! This is good stuff. Where were you? Okay. 372 00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:47,311 "It's our last night, and the plan has been in place for days. 373 00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:49,904 "Emily and I are the last to leave, 374 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:54,681 "and as we reach the stairs, I grab Emily firmly by her wrist. 375 00:20:54,753 --> 00:21:00,191 "She looks up at me expectantly and I know what will happen next." 376 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,284 - Do you? - I think I have a pretty good idea. 377 00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,795 Oh, my goodness! 378 00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:08,556 What are you doing? This is good stuff, man! 379 00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:11,994 Wait a minute. 380 00:21:13,405 --> 00:21:15,270 Is that your Emily? 381 00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:17,606 Good night, Russell! 382 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,211 She is a freak! 383 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,611 Put the picture back! 384 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:37,792 WILLIAM: Wow. 385 00:21:42,834 --> 00:21:46,463 - HAMPTON: Who is it? - Will Hayes. I called earlier. 386 00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:47,562 (CLEARS THROAT) 387 00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:50,039 HAMPTON: You a Jehovah's Witness? 388 00:21:50,108 --> 00:21:51,370 No. 389 00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:53,308 Christ, you're tall. 390 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:54,467 (LATCH UNLOCKING) 391 00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:56,876 Hi. 392 00:21:57,082 --> 00:21:59,573 (BLUES MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONOGRAPH) 393 00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:09,526 - Come in. - Okay. 394 00:22:09,594 --> 00:22:11,653 Close the door behind you. 395 00:22:12,731 --> 00:22:13,993 HAMPTON: Lock it! 396 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:19,134 Summer said to hang tight. She'll be back. She wants you to wait. 397 00:22:19,204 --> 00:22:24,141 - What do you got in there? - I don't know. Are you Summer's father? 398 00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:26,778 Yeah. I'm her daddy. 399 00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:44,452 - Drink? - No. No. It's a little early for me. 400 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:47,054 Early. You're fresh off the boat, aren't you? 401 00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:51,933 So tell me about yourself. What's your deal? What do you aspire to? 402 00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:55,234 What are your dreams? What are your fancies? 403 00:22:55,307 --> 00:22:57,969 What do you want to be when you grow up? 404 00:22:58,043 --> 00:22:59,271 - Sit down! - Okay. 405 00:22:59,344 --> 00:23:00,743 What do you do now? You... 406 00:23:00,812 --> 00:23:02,302 Wait, don't tell me. You work for your daddy. 407 00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:03,507 - No. - No, don't tell me! 408 00:23:03,582 --> 00:23:04,708 Wall Street. No! 409 00:23:04,783 --> 00:23:07,877 You kiss ass to some fancy uptown law firm. 410 00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:10,945 - Actually... - No! I give up. What do you do? 411 00:23:11,022 --> 00:23:14,583 I'm working for Bill Clinton. He's running for President. 412 00:23:14,659 --> 00:23:15,785 No. 413 00:23:16,628 --> 00:23:17,788 I know who Bill Clinton is. 414 00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:20,696 Yeah, in fact, I know more about Bill Clinton than his own mother. 415 00:23:20,766 --> 00:23:21,824 - Really? - Yep. 416 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:24,528 - What do you do? - What do I do? 417 00:23:24,603 --> 00:23:25,934 I drink! 418 00:23:26,371 --> 00:23:27,599 Drink! 419 00:23:28,507 --> 00:23:29,974 Be a man. 420 00:23:32,677 --> 00:23:35,009 There you go! Isn't that better? 421 00:23:36,014 --> 00:23:37,345 Swallow! 422 00:23:39,217 --> 00:23:41,082 So tell me about Bill Clinton. 423 00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:46,714 Hey. Wake up. 424 00:23:57,235 --> 00:23:58,998 You want some aspirin? 425 00:24:05,577 --> 00:24:07,943 - You must be Will. - Hi. 426 00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:11,539 I see you drank my boyfriend under the table. 427 00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:15,745 - WILLIAM: He's not your father? - (CHUCKLES) Is that what he told you? 428 00:24:15,887 --> 00:24:16,876 Hmm. 429 00:24:17,055 --> 00:24:18,989 He's my thesis advisor. 430 00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:20,079 Oh. 431 00:24:20,659 --> 00:24:21,819 What else did he tell you? 432 00:24:21,893 --> 00:24:25,260 He was telling me how to be a real man, as opposed to the sort of 433 00:24:25,330 --> 00:24:28,697 - boy-man I seem to be. - Did you learn anything? 434 00:24:29,434 --> 00:24:31,698 Yeah, there's a lot of drinking involved. 435 00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:34,034 Also cursing and fighting. 436 00:24:34,105 --> 00:24:35,470 - Sex? - Yes. 437 00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,371 Although that's not what we real men call it. 438 00:24:37,442 --> 00:24:39,342 What do you call it? 439 00:24:40,612 --> 00:24:44,776 I have something for you. This is from Emily. 440 00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:49,584 - Haven't talked to her in ages. - We'll be moving in together in the fall. 441 00:24:49,654 --> 00:24:50,848 Uh-huh. 442 00:24:52,123 --> 00:24:54,284 Oh, please! Daddy. 443 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:55,690 (LAUGHING) 444 00:24:58,930 --> 00:25:00,693 Oh, come on! No. 445 00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:03,258 Oh, this is... 446 00:25:12,944 --> 00:25:14,673 Did you read this? 447 00:25:15,313 --> 00:25:16,575 I didn't. 448 00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:22,551 - I read a page. - A page. 449 00:25:22,621 --> 00:25:24,282 - Two pages at the most. - Two? 450 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:27,382 And the part about you and Emily touching each other and kissing. 451 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:32,691 - Oh! That part, yeah. - Incredibly descriptive. I felt like I was there. 452 00:25:33,465 --> 00:25:35,433 You're a great writer. I mean... 453 00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:38,435 I think you should keep it. You should read it when you're lonely. 454 00:25:38,503 --> 00:25:42,701 - I can't. It's your diary, so I can't do that. - No, really, really. I just, I don't need it. 455 00:25:42,774 --> 00:25:44,867 I've already got it memorized, so I'll just leave it on the table. 456 00:25:44,943 --> 00:25:47,241 Keep a hard copy. That might be nice for me. 457 00:25:47,312 --> 00:25:48,870 (BOTH LAUGHING) 458 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:52,544 I wonder why Emily gave it to you to give to me. 459 00:25:52,617 --> 00:25:53,709 Hmm. 460 00:25:55,787 --> 00:25:57,084 Hampton? 461 00:25:57,756 --> 00:26:00,224 - Hampton? - Are you gonna join us? 462 00:26:00,292 --> 00:26:02,658 That's Hampton Roth. He's an incredible writer. 463 00:26:02,727 --> 00:26:05,821 - His book on the McGovern campaign is... - Yeah. 464 00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:08,966 - You... - Yeah. We do. 465 00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:13,198 Look, have you ever actually had sex with a sexagenarian? 466 00:26:13,271 --> 00:26:16,263 - I haven't. - Well, then you shouldn't really judge. 467 00:26:16,341 --> 00:26:19,333 Well, actually, I'm not judging. Look at you. 468 00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:22,710 You're beautiful. You're sophisticated. You're a very talented writer. 469 00:26:22,781 --> 00:26:23,805 Thank you. 470 00:26:23,882 --> 00:26:26,214 I mean, to please a woman like you, it would obviously take a... 471 00:26:26,284 --> 00:26:28,013 - Real man. - Exactly. 472 00:26:28,086 --> 00:26:32,284 - Hard to compete with that. - Well, unless you're the competitive type. 473 00:26:34,059 --> 00:26:37,995 - Yep, nice to meet you. - Yeah, it was great meeting you, too. 474 00:26:38,363 --> 00:26:41,025 I feel horrible about taking the... 475 00:26:53,712 --> 00:26:54,872 Sorry. 476 00:26:56,047 --> 00:26:57,912 I was just curious. 477 00:26:58,650 --> 00:27:01,949 Hampton encourages me to cultivate my curiosity. 478 00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,946 He says it's the key to being a good journalist. 479 00:27:06,524 --> 00:27:07,684 Yeah. 480 00:27:07,926 --> 00:27:10,952 HAMPTON: Summer! Daddy's hungry! 481 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:14,621 - Speak of the devil. Better go. Yeah. - Hmm. 482 00:27:14,699 --> 00:27:15,757 HAMPTON: Where the hell are you? 483 00:27:15,834 --> 00:27:17,495 - Okay, bye. - Bye. 484 00:27:17,869 --> 00:27:21,327 Yeah, give us a call sometime. We should all go out for dinner. 485 00:27:21,406 --> 00:27:23,169 I'd... Yeah, I'd love dinner. 486 00:27:23,241 --> 00:27:24,674 - Yeah. - HAMPTON: Hey! 487 00:27:27,112 --> 00:27:29,637 - Are you gonna call her? - Are you insane? 488 00:27:29,714 --> 00:27:31,944 - Well, what are you gonna do? - What am I gonna do? 489 00:27:32,017 --> 00:27:33,041 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 490 00:27:33,118 --> 00:27:37,612 I'm gonna keep my eye on the ball. Emily and I have a future. We have a plan. 491 00:27:37,689 --> 00:27:39,589 Which may involve some type of threesome now. 492 00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:42,320 Or foursome if that old dude is still in the picture. 493 00:27:42,394 --> 00:27:44,225 You're not helping. 494 00:27:45,096 --> 00:27:49,692 I never should have opened that diary. It's like Pandora's hot, sexy box. 495 00:27:50,602 --> 00:27:51,933 MAYA: What's a threesome? 496 00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:53,834 - What? - A threesome. 497 00:27:56,241 --> 00:28:00,268 That's a game that adults play sometimes when they're bored. 498 00:28:03,148 --> 00:28:06,015 Whatever. So what happened with Emily? 499 00:28:06,084 --> 00:28:08,609 Nothing. I wanted to wait till she came for a visit, 500 00:28:08,687 --> 00:28:11,520 and then I decided to do something really dramatic. 501 00:28:12,757 --> 00:28:15,851 WILLIAM: It was just one week before the primary, and I had graduated 502 00:28:15,927 --> 00:28:20,387 from bagels and toilet paper to signs and bumper stickers. 503 00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:23,124 (SCREAMS) 504 00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:25,192 Jesus! Mercy! 505 00:28:25,270 --> 00:28:26,794 Hold, please. 506 00:28:27,639 --> 00:28:29,630 What am I doing here? 507 00:28:33,411 --> 00:28:37,973 Move over! Another foot! Go, another foot. Move over! 508 00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:40,210 Over, over, over! 509 00:28:45,123 --> 00:28:48,354 Just want to let everyone know that the new signs are ready. 510 00:28:48,426 --> 00:28:50,155 They're looking good. 511 00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:52,253 I wrote three speeches for Congressman Sweeney. 512 00:28:52,330 --> 00:28:53,558 (STAPLING CONTINUES) 513 00:28:53,631 --> 00:28:54,893 How's high school? 514 00:28:54,966 --> 00:28:58,902 He's from Texas. His name's George Bush. But he is not the President. 515 00:28:58,970 --> 00:29:01,029 Instead, he's the eldest son of George and Barbara 516 00:29:01,106 --> 00:29:03,472 and considered a key political advisor of the White House. 517 00:29:03,541 --> 00:29:05,475 Bryant, well, you forgot to mention the Texas Rangers. 518 00:29:05,543 --> 00:29:06,567 BRYANT: Oh, okay. 519 00:29:06,644 --> 00:29:08,544 Man, if this guy's smart, he'll go back to baseball. 520 00:29:08,613 --> 00:29:09,978 - No kidding. - Anybody see Hayes? 521 00:29:10,048 --> 00:29:11,106 - No. - No. 522 00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:15,076 Hayes! Where is Hayes? Hayes! 523 00:29:15,620 --> 00:29:18,521 Is it true you graduated first of your class at Madison? 524 00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:20,319 - Yeah. - All right. 525 00:29:20,391 --> 00:29:22,222 - Come on. We're walking. - We're walking. 526 00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:24,352 Here's a list of Madison graduates in the New York area. 527 00:29:24,429 --> 00:29:26,260 These people earn 200 grand plus a year. 528 00:29:26,331 --> 00:29:29,789 We have a $10,000-a- plate fundraiser on Monday with 15 empty tables. 529 00:29:29,868 --> 00:29:32,336 I can't have that, Hayes. I need you to sell five of them. 530 00:29:32,403 --> 00:29:34,098 Hold on. No more coffee, bagels? 531 00:29:34,172 --> 00:29:35,901 - We'll see how this goes, okay? - Gareth. 532 00:29:35,974 --> 00:29:39,671 - What? - Thank you. I'm really happy right now. 533 00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:41,609 - Okay, Hayes. - Okay. 534 00:29:41,679 --> 00:29:45,740 - There's the desk. - Look at that. Yeah. 535 00:29:46,918 --> 00:29:49,113 Yeah, that's funny, the toilet paper. 536 00:29:49,187 --> 00:29:51,678 That's good because it's ironic. 537 00:29:51,756 --> 00:29:54,657 Yeah, that's right, everybody. My desk. 538 00:29:55,326 --> 00:29:57,624 Right here, I got a desk, and I got a list. 539 00:29:57,695 --> 00:30:00,926 And I have a phone. And this empty basket. 540 00:30:00,999 --> 00:30:02,364 No, no, no, I really don't agree 541 00:30:02,433 --> 00:30:05,960 that the Governor has a character problem, Mrs. Perleman. 542 00:30:06,037 --> 00:30:08,335 Did you know that 50% of Americans believe that 543 00:30:08,406 --> 00:30:10,067 marijuana use should be legalized? 544 00:30:10,141 --> 00:30:11,165 (PHONE LINE DRONES) 545 00:30:11,242 --> 00:30:12,266 Hello? 546 00:30:12,343 --> 00:30:15,278 No, no, no, he wasn't a draft dodger. 547 00:30:15,413 --> 00:30:18,348 Besides, did you know that the majority of Americans believe 548 00:30:18,416 --> 00:30:21,510 that the Vietnam War was just a terrible idea? 549 00:30:22,053 --> 00:30:23,452 Both legs. 550 00:30:23,588 --> 00:30:26,352 Wow, I am sorry. You must miss them. 551 00:30:26,424 --> 00:30:28,153 (PHONE LINE DRONES) 552 00:30:28,359 --> 00:30:33,763 Yes, I understand your concern, but I think you should remember 553 00:30:35,934 --> 00:30:38,801 that the Governor comes from a town called Hope. 554 00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:42,970 And hope is exactly what he stands for, so... 555 00:30:43,141 --> 00:30:46,702 No, no, I know it's corny, but I also think 556 00:30:46,778 --> 00:30:50,714 that sometimes corny is exactly what this country needs. 557 00:30:52,350 --> 00:30:55,581 That would be wonderful. No, thank you. 558 00:30:55,653 --> 00:30:57,018 Two seats. 559 00:30:57,655 --> 00:30:59,316 Okay, great. Thank you, Mr. Bishop. 560 00:31:01,059 --> 00:31:03,687 Yeah, the dinner's next Thursday. 561 00:31:04,762 --> 00:31:06,525 Yes, when I spoke with Hillary this morning 562 00:31:06,598 --> 00:31:11,297 she said that she wanted to get to know our most important supporters. 563 00:31:11,803 --> 00:31:14,067 No, I think you'd definitely enjoy meeting her. 564 00:31:14,138 --> 00:31:15,332 Yeah. 565 00:31:17,242 --> 00:31:20,302 An entire table? No, that is very possible. 566 00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:24,474 I'll put you down for one table, then. That sounds great. 567 00:31:24,549 --> 00:31:26,676 Okay, I look forward to seeing you next Thursday. 568 00:31:26,751 --> 00:31:28,480 Okay, thank you. 569 00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:35,784 I just sold an entire table for $50,000. 570 00:31:40,198 --> 00:31:41,597 (ALL CHEERING) 571 00:31:41,666 --> 00:31:44,100 That's my guy, Will. My guy. 572 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,609 ALL: (CHANTING) Toilet paper guy! Toilet paper guy! 573 00:31:52,477 --> 00:31:55,378 Good evening, gentlemen. Pack of Reds, please. 574 00:31:55,446 --> 00:31:58,313 3.60. New tax and a new warning. 575 00:31:59,284 --> 00:32:00,410 Christ. 576 00:32:01,185 --> 00:32:03,585 MAN: Tell us the truth, my friend. 577 00:32:03,655 --> 00:32:06,317 - Did that Clinton inhale or not? - What does it matter? 578 00:32:06,391 --> 00:32:09,758 That's like if your girlfriend catches you in bed with another woman, then you say, 579 00:32:09,827 --> 00:32:11,055 "But we didn't do it." 580 00:32:11,129 --> 00:32:14,360 - What, is that gonna matter to her? - Yeah, it does. Hi. 581 00:32:14,599 --> 00:32:17,966 - Hello. - Pack of American Eagles, blue, please. 582 00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:19,503 4.25. 583 00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:23,199 4.25? You pay $4.25 for a pack of cigarettes? 584 00:32:23,274 --> 00:32:25,208 They don't put as many chemicals in them. 585 00:32:25,276 --> 00:32:28,006 - So those are healthy cigarettes. - Something like that. 586 00:32:28,079 --> 00:32:30,138 So if there's not as many chemicals in them, 587 00:32:30,214 --> 00:32:33,308 they should cost less, not more, don't you think? 588 00:32:33,384 --> 00:32:36,080 They put saltpeter in your cigarettes, 589 00:32:36,154 --> 00:32:39,612 which make them burn faster, which make you smoke more. 590 00:32:39,724 --> 00:32:45,253 Which means, at the end of the day, your cigarettes actually cost more, not less. 591 00:32:47,699 --> 00:32:50,463 Copy girl, what I think you're actually paying for 592 00:32:50,535 --> 00:32:53,595 is the picture of the eagle and the pretty pastel colors. 593 00:32:53,671 --> 00:32:58,131 Some reassuring idea about your lifestyle. The rest is pretty much crap. 594 00:32:58,710 --> 00:33:00,610 - You wanna bet? - Sure. 595 00:33:00,678 --> 00:33:03,146 - 20 bucks. - I got 20 bucks. 596 00:33:03,214 --> 00:33:04,613 Easiest 20 bucks I ever made. 597 00:33:04,682 --> 00:33:05,706 - Really? - Yeah. 598 00:33:05,783 --> 00:33:07,478 WILLIAM: That's funny. In a minute, I'll have 40. 599 00:33:07,552 --> 00:33:10,817 Okay, we have to inhale at the same time for the same amount of time. 600 00:33:10,888 --> 00:33:13,379 - Yep. - Ready, steady, go. 601 00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:26,266 - It's my birthday today. - Happy birthday. 602 00:33:35,546 --> 00:33:37,844 Why aren't you out celebrating? 603 00:33:38,483 --> 00:33:42,419 My boyfriend, Lucas, was taking me out for dinner and then to a party. 604 00:33:42,487 --> 00:33:47,186 But at last minute, he gets a gig in Philly, which, of course, he takes 'cause... 605 00:33:56,067 --> 00:33:57,796 Truth is he's far more interested in being 606 00:33:57,869 --> 00:34:00,861 the next Kurt Cobain than being my boyfriend. 607 00:34:01,305 --> 00:34:03,000 Who's Kurt Cobain? 608 00:34:04,342 --> 00:34:06,037 You're kidding me! 609 00:34:07,278 --> 00:34:08,540 What? 610 00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:10,677 Smoke. 611 00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:17,209 Oh. 612 00:34:17,422 --> 00:34:19,788 - Look at that. - Look at that. 613 00:34:20,124 --> 00:34:21,648 (CLICKING TONGUE) 614 00:34:23,094 --> 00:34:24,083 (GROANS) 615 00:34:24,195 --> 00:34:25,389 (LAUGHING) 616 00:34:25,463 --> 00:34:28,660 - All right. - No, come on. 617 00:34:28,733 --> 00:34:30,223 The satisfaction of me being right 618 00:34:30,301 --> 00:34:33,429 and you being wrong is more than enough for me. 619 00:34:33,504 --> 00:34:35,699 Well, I never welsh on a bet, so I'll tell you what. 620 00:34:35,773 --> 00:34:38,571 I'll take you out for dinner, for a birthday dinner. 621 00:34:38,643 --> 00:34:40,270 - What do you say? - Like a date? 622 00:34:40,344 --> 00:34:42,107 No, I didn't mean it like that. 623 00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:43,579 Like an "I feel sorry for you 624 00:34:43,648 --> 00:34:46,139 "because it's your birthday and you have no plans" dinner. 625 00:34:46,217 --> 00:34:48,879 - You know, one of those. - Well, I'll tell you what. 626 00:34:48,953 --> 00:34:50,944 You can take me to this party I have to go to, 627 00:34:51,022 --> 00:34:53,957 because there's no way I can face going alone. 628 00:34:56,127 --> 00:34:58,186 (TRIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 629 00:35:01,332 --> 00:35:03,766 MAN: Yeah, I'm gonna go head over... 630 00:35:05,503 --> 00:35:06,663 Whoa. 631 00:35:08,539 --> 00:35:10,837 I think I'm a little out of my league here. 632 00:35:10,908 --> 00:35:12,739 Yes, you are. 633 00:35:17,315 --> 00:35:20,512 So Emily is what, like, your college sweetheart? 634 00:35:20,585 --> 00:35:22,553 - It's amazing how you do that. - What? 635 00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:24,212 The way you take the simplest statement, 636 00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:27,519 and then you twist it with a completely negative connotation. 637 00:35:27,592 --> 00:35:30,584 - It's really, actually, impressive. I'm amazed. - I didn't mean to do that. 638 00:35:30,661 --> 00:35:33,095 - But I understand. I get it. - I actually think it's very sweet. 639 00:35:33,164 --> 00:35:34,563 - See, you did it again. - Really? 640 00:35:34,632 --> 00:35:36,065 - Yeah. - I don't even know I'm doing it. 641 00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:39,297 It's probably hard for you to imagine a relationship based on mutual respect 642 00:35:39,370 --> 00:35:43,204 without even the slightest hint of whatever you call it, masochism. 643 00:35:43,274 --> 00:35:46,368 Well, if your deal with Emily is so gosh darn wonderful, 644 00:35:46,444 --> 00:35:48,241 then why don't you just marry her? 645 00:35:48,312 --> 00:35:50,143 What's stopping you? 646 00:35:51,282 --> 00:35:52,544 Nothing. 647 00:35:54,218 --> 00:35:55,549 - Wow. - Wow. 648 00:35:58,623 --> 00:36:00,488 She gets it tomorrow. I made a reservation 649 00:36:00,558 --> 00:36:02,822 at some fancy French restaurant on the Upper East Side. 650 00:36:02,894 --> 00:36:06,125 Oh, my God. You're doing it in front of a room full of strangers? 651 00:36:06,197 --> 00:36:10,861 - Yeah, I am. What's wrong with that? - No, nothing. I think it shows confidence. 652 00:36:10,935 --> 00:36:11,993 What are you gonna say? 653 00:36:12,069 --> 00:36:14,970 - I'm still working on it. I don't know. - Oh, you should work on it with me. 654 00:36:15,039 --> 00:36:19,567 You should practice with me. I'm really good at that. I will be Emily. 655 00:36:19,644 --> 00:36:24,047 I'm Emily, your college sweetheart. Is there something you wanted to ask me? 656 00:36:24,115 --> 00:36:26,379 - Emily... - Wait! You've got to get down on your knee. 657 00:36:26,450 --> 00:36:28,418 No, I'm not getting down on my knee. 658 00:36:28,486 --> 00:36:31,011 She'll like it. She'll like seeing you down on your knee. 659 00:36:31,088 --> 00:36:36,151 - I'm not getting down on my knee. - Such a mistake. Okay. 660 00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:38,559 - Emily. - Yes, William. 661 00:36:38,629 --> 00:36:40,995 Don't make me laugh. Emily, 662 00:36:41,465 --> 00:36:42,989 will you, 663 00:36:43,834 --> 00:36:44,858 um, 664 00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,171 marry me? 665 00:36:48,973 --> 00:36:52,067 - No. - Oh, my God. 666 00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:53,974 Well, what do you mean, "Will you, um, marry me?" 667 00:36:54,045 --> 00:36:55,637 I haven't seen you in weeks! 668 00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:58,841 You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! 669 00:36:58,916 --> 00:37:02,818 You're asking me to give up my freedom, 670 00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:04,286 my joie de vivre 671 00:37:04,355 --> 00:37:06,949 for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? 672 00:37:07,024 --> 00:37:10,858 And why should I marry you, anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? 673 00:37:10,928 --> 00:37:14,386 Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us 674 00:37:14,465 --> 00:37:17,366 from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda? 675 00:37:17,435 --> 00:37:18,459 Oh! 676 00:37:18,936 --> 00:37:20,904 (CHUCKLING) Oh, my God! 677 00:37:20,972 --> 00:37:24,135 - You should've got on your knee! - Just shut up! 678 00:37:26,177 --> 00:37:27,474 Here. 679 00:37:28,779 --> 00:37:31,304 I wanna marry you because you're the first person 680 00:37:31,382 --> 00:37:33,475 that I want to look at when I wake up in the morning 681 00:37:33,551 --> 00:37:36,179 and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. 682 00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:40,054 Because the first time that I saw these hands, 683 00:37:40,791 --> 00:37:43,351 I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. 684 00:37:43,427 --> 00:37:47,090 But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you 685 00:37:49,700 --> 00:37:52,032 getting married is the only thing left to do. 686 00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:54,537 So will you... 687 00:37:57,541 --> 00:37:58,667 Um... 688 00:38:01,512 --> 00:38:03,036 marry me? 689 00:38:03,914 --> 00:38:06,144 Definitely. Maybe. 690 00:38:07,618 --> 00:38:09,745 I have to think about it. 691 00:38:11,856 --> 00:38:13,380 Walk me home? 692 00:38:15,393 --> 00:38:17,293 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 693 00:38:23,734 --> 00:38:26,828 - Do you want a cup of tea? - Yeah. I'd love one. 694 00:38:30,074 --> 00:38:31,302 Hey. 695 00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:33,707 How come you have so many copies of Jane Eyre? 696 00:38:33,778 --> 00:38:36,542 - It's a long story. - Really? 697 00:38:37,481 --> 00:38:39,472 It seems to be about 300 pages or so. 698 00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:40,812 (LAUGHS) 699 00:38:41,419 --> 00:38:43,011 WILLIAM: Seriously, why? 700 00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:48,190 For my 13th birthday, I wanted a pair of gold stud earrings, 701 00:38:48,259 --> 00:38:52,457 and instead my dad bought me a hardcover copy of Jane Eyre. 702 00:38:52,530 --> 00:38:56,796 And inside, he wrote a beautiful inscription, which I could care less about at the time 703 00:38:56,867 --> 00:38:59,597 seeing as I was so pissed about the earrings, 704 00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:04,573 which was tragic as it turned out 'cause it was the last present he ever gave me. 705 00:39:04,642 --> 00:39:06,041 What do you mean? 706 00:39:06,110 --> 00:39:09,102 He died three weeks later in a car accident. 707 00:39:09,547 --> 00:39:12,710 Jesus. That's awful. 708 00:39:13,684 --> 00:39:15,083 I'm sorry. 709 00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:18,252 - Have you ever read it? - No. 710 00:39:18,322 --> 00:39:21,416 I read it every year or two. Each time it's different. 711 00:39:21,492 --> 00:39:23,790 It tells me different things. 712 00:39:24,829 --> 00:39:29,698 Anyhow, when I went away to college, my mom sold our house 713 00:39:29,767 --> 00:39:32,600 and somewhere along the way, Jane Eyre got lost. 714 00:39:32,670 --> 00:39:35,935 Now, every time I pass a second-hand bookstore, 715 00:39:36,006 --> 00:39:38,998 I look for the copy that my dad bought me for my birthday. 716 00:39:39,076 --> 00:39:40,304 (COME AS YOU ARE PLAYING) 717 00:39:40,378 --> 00:39:41,606 I know I'll never find it. 718 00:39:41,679 --> 00:39:46,514 It's stupid, but it's become this, like, weird superstitious little... 719 00:39:46,584 --> 00:39:49,917 - It's not stupid. - Thanks. Hobby. 720 00:39:50,788 --> 00:39:52,722 What are all these? 721 00:39:52,857 --> 00:39:57,021 Oh, these are the ones I found that have inscriptions. 722 00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:04,030 "With love and hopes and dreams of second chances. Alice." 723 00:40:07,104 --> 00:40:08,332 What is this? 724 00:40:08,406 --> 00:40:12,206 This is Kurt Cobain. This is Nirvana. Do you like it? 725 00:40:13,144 --> 00:40:14,736 Yeah, I do. 726 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:19,113 You think it's ridiculous that I want to be a politician, don't you? 727 00:40:19,183 --> 00:40:20,946 - Yes. - Thank you. 728 00:40:21,552 --> 00:40:25,818 No, no, I get the whole politician thing. It's easy to like you. 729 00:40:25,890 --> 00:40:28,654 That's true. That's very true. 730 00:40:28,726 --> 00:40:32,685 I just wonder if you want people to like you a little too much. 731 00:40:33,097 --> 00:40:35,031 That's also true. 732 00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:36,999 I should want them to hate me. 733 00:40:37,568 --> 00:40:40,093 I'm gonna start working on that right away. You got any tips for me? 734 00:40:40,171 --> 00:40:41,832 No, but you're off to a great start. 735 00:40:41,906 --> 00:40:42,964 - Yeah? - I'm hating you already. 736 00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:44,132 Good. 737 00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:45,766 What do you wanna be when you grow up? 738 00:40:45,843 --> 00:40:48,107 I mean, you're too smart to be making Xeroxes 739 00:40:48,179 --> 00:40:49,510 - and babysitting. - No. 740 00:40:49,580 --> 00:40:52,606 - I don't know! - Whatever else you do. 741 00:40:52,683 --> 00:40:56,312 I don't know, and I don't know how to know. You know? 742 00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:58,148 (SIGHS) 743 00:40:58,756 --> 00:41:01,054 You know what I really wanna do 744 00:41:01,125 --> 00:41:04,925 is I wanna go to all those places that I know nothing about. 745 00:41:06,063 --> 00:41:08,156 I've been saving money. 746 00:41:08,232 --> 00:41:10,291 But I can't even get it together to do that. 747 00:41:10,367 --> 00:41:12,835 Probably because I'm stuck in a rut with this guy. 748 00:41:12,903 --> 00:41:14,564 You should dump him. 749 00:41:14,638 --> 00:41:19,507 I know that's none of my business, but you're too good for him. 750 00:41:19,877 --> 00:41:21,242 You are. 751 00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:25,976 - You know what's really cool? - I don't. 752 00:41:26,050 --> 00:41:29,781 We can just sit here and we don't have to worry about 753 00:41:29,854 --> 00:41:34,086 - flirting or all the attraction stuff. - All that stuff. 754 00:41:35,192 --> 00:41:36,523 Very cool. 755 00:41:37,061 --> 00:41:38,187 Yeah. 756 00:41:38,395 --> 00:41:40,727 (BLUES MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 757 00:41:55,045 --> 00:41:56,876 I got to go. 758 00:42:00,951 --> 00:42:02,316 Dumbass! 759 00:42:36,186 --> 00:42:37,847 (ELEVATOR DINGING) 760 00:42:50,768 --> 00:42:52,360 (PANTING) 761 00:42:53,904 --> 00:42:55,235 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 762 00:42:55,873 --> 00:42:57,135 (SCREAMS) 763 00:42:57,975 --> 00:43:00,239 (HOUSEKEEPER SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 764 00:43:07,117 --> 00:43:09,210 - Oh, God. - RUSSELL: There he is! 765 00:43:09,286 --> 00:43:13,052 - Told you he wouldn't be long. - Hi! I wanted to surprise you! 766 00:43:13,123 --> 00:43:16,490 - I took the red- eye! - (WHEEZING) That's incredible! 767 00:43:17,394 --> 00:43:22,559 I was just telling Emily how Arthur sent you to Albany as part of the advance team. 768 00:43:22,633 --> 00:43:24,624 - Advance team. - RUSSELL: Yeah. How'd it go? 769 00:43:24,702 --> 00:43:27,933 - How'd it go? Man, it went great! - Great. 770 00:43:28,005 --> 00:43:29,495 - Great. - Great. 771 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,669 - Are you okay? - Oh, yeah, I was just getting a little exercise. 772 00:43:33,744 --> 00:43:35,473 - I ran up the stairs. - Okay. 773 00:43:35,546 --> 00:43:39,915 I'm going to the office. It's... Got a big day. Nice meeting you. 774 00:43:39,984 --> 00:43:41,076 - And you. - Okay. 775 00:43:41,151 --> 00:43:42,311 Okay. 776 00:43:43,287 --> 00:43:44,686 (WHISPERING) Good luck. 777 00:43:47,891 --> 00:43:49,358 - Hi. - Hi. 778 00:43:50,594 --> 00:43:52,721 - Here. - Yeah. 779 00:43:54,865 --> 00:43:56,127 Hey. 780 00:44:04,341 --> 00:44:07,538 - It's weird. Your tongue tastes different. - What? 781 00:44:08,312 --> 00:44:09,870 It tastes different, your tongue. 782 00:44:09,947 --> 00:44:13,576 - That is weird. - It's not bad. It's just different. 783 00:44:14,785 --> 00:44:17,049 Maybe it's the tap water here. 784 00:44:17,121 --> 00:44:20,522 Or the pH balance... I don't know what I'm talking about. 785 00:44:20,591 --> 00:44:23,492 Told you New York was gonna change you. 786 00:44:24,795 --> 00:44:27,059 - Could we maybe go for a walk? - Yeah. 787 00:44:27,131 --> 00:44:29,497 - Just to get some air? - Yeah, you could see New York. 788 00:44:29,566 --> 00:44:30,760 I would love that. 789 00:44:31,168 --> 00:44:32,760 WILLIAM: So, did I ever tell you... EMILY: I was gonna... 790 00:44:32,836 --> 00:44:34,963 - Oh, sorry. No, go. - What? 791 00:44:35,639 --> 00:44:41,441 I was gonna say, did I ever tell you about the day my dad proposed to my mom? 792 00:44:41,979 --> 00:44:43,003 No. 793 00:44:44,014 --> 00:44:47,279 Well, Dad was on his way to meet my mom to propose, 794 00:44:47,351 --> 00:44:51,651 and he runs into his ex- girlfriend, Caroline Hopper. 795 00:44:52,723 --> 00:44:55,191 And they're talking, they're looking at each other, 796 00:44:55,259 --> 00:44:57,193 and all these old feelings, they start coming up. 797 00:44:57,261 --> 00:44:59,388 And he's thinking, 798 00:44:59,496 --> 00:45:00,554 (SIGHS) 799 00:45:00,631 --> 00:45:03,759 "I could run away right now with Caroline Hopper, 800 00:45:03,834 --> 00:45:05,529 "be a happy man. 801 00:45:05,602 --> 00:45:07,695 "All I have to do is kiss her." 802 00:45:07,771 --> 00:45:10,831 But instead, he looks up, 803 00:45:13,777 --> 00:45:17,213 and he sees my mom walking around the corner. 804 00:45:17,948 --> 00:45:21,349 And that moment he knows that he had no reason to be afraid. 805 00:45:21,418 --> 00:45:23,079 You understand? 806 00:45:25,489 --> 00:45:28,720 Am I Caroline Hopper in this story or your mom? 807 00:45:28,926 --> 00:45:30,018 (EMILY GASPS) 808 00:45:30,094 --> 00:45:31,288 Oh, my God! I'm your mom! 809 00:45:31,361 --> 00:45:33,158 - Emily, when I saw you this morning... - Will, please. 810 00:45:33,230 --> 00:45:34,595 ...I knew... - Put that back in your pocket. 811 00:45:34,665 --> 00:45:36,189 - Just stand up, Will. Stop. ...with absolute clarity. 812 00:45:36,266 --> 00:45:37,563 - Wait, wait, wait. - I have no reason to be afraid. 813 00:45:37,634 --> 00:45:38,931 - Let's think about this. - I'm not afraid of this. 814 00:45:39,002 --> 00:45:40,264 It's just like the day that my... 815 00:45:40,337 --> 00:45:41,497 Will! 816 00:45:42,139 --> 00:45:43,470 I slept with Charlie! 817 00:45:43,540 --> 00:45:45,167 (BIRDS FLUTTERING) 818 00:45:45,843 --> 00:45:47,037 (SIGHS) 819 00:45:50,447 --> 00:45:52,608 I thought we had a plan. 820 00:45:53,350 --> 00:45:57,013 Well, you had a plan, Will. You have a really big plan! 821 00:45:57,087 --> 00:45:59,078 - Pretty sure we both had that plan. - I just can't keep pretending 822 00:45:59,156 --> 00:46:00,817 - that I want to be part of it anymore. - You were there 823 00:46:00,891 --> 00:46:02,518 - when we made it. - And I didn't know how to tell you. 824 00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:03,855 How do you tell someone that you care about 825 00:46:03,927 --> 00:46:05,019 that you don't want the same things 826 00:46:05,095 --> 00:46:06,494 - they want anymore? - The best way? 827 00:46:06,563 --> 00:46:09,361 Definitely having sex with the roommate. 828 00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:11,258 (SIGHS) 829 00:46:11,335 --> 00:46:13,803 It was cowardly, and I'm sorry. 830 00:46:13,871 --> 00:46:15,600 Oh, good. 831 00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:20,103 (GROANING) 832 00:46:22,780 --> 00:46:24,441 You're killing me. 833 00:46:26,083 --> 00:46:28,984 No, I'm not. I'm letting you go. 834 00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,979 'Cause if we stay together, Will, we're gonna be miserable. 835 00:46:32,055 --> 00:46:33,283 I'm gonna hold you back from all these... 836 00:46:33,357 --> 00:46:36,622 - That's not true. ...incredible dreams that you have. 837 00:46:36,693 --> 00:46:39,526 And then, eventually, you're totally gonna hate me for it. 838 00:46:39,596 --> 00:46:40,858 - No. - Yes. 839 00:46:40,931 --> 00:46:44,128 Will, I don't want that, and you don't want that. 840 00:46:45,035 --> 00:46:46,434 Trust me. 841 00:46:51,074 --> 00:46:53,975 You're gonna be just fine, Mr. Hayes, 842 00:46:54,912 --> 00:46:56,573 without me. 843 00:46:57,981 --> 00:46:59,073 Wow. 844 00:46:59,583 --> 00:47:00,777 Yeah. 845 00:47:01,752 --> 00:47:02,878 Wow. 846 00:47:03,587 --> 00:47:06,818 ANNOUNCER: Here is Tom Brokaw in New York. 847 00:47:06,890 --> 00:47:09,484 Good evening. Bill Clinton may have been wounded in New York, 848 00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:11,391 but the big question tonight is, to what degree? 849 00:47:11,461 --> 00:47:14,862 Because, after all, he is the big survivor, indeed, the victor 850 00:47:14,932 --> 00:47:18,390 in the New York primary and by a comfortable margin. 851 00:47:18,502 --> 00:47:20,732 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 852 00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,145 (TOM CHATTERING ON TV) 853 00:47:33,617 --> 00:47:36,142 WOMEN: (SINGING) Goes 'round the moon 854 00:47:36,620 --> 00:47:41,387 I see the passion in your eyes 855 00:47:41,458 --> 00:47:46,361 Sometimes it's all a big surprise 856 00:47:46,430 --> 00:47:50,696 'Cause there was a time when all I did 857 00:47:50,934 --> 00:47:52,868 (ALL CHATTERING) 858 00:48:04,581 --> 00:48:06,310 Hey. 859 00:48:06,617 --> 00:48:08,312 Congratulations. 860 00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:11,354 I hear they asked you to stay on. You must be very happy. 861 00:48:11,421 --> 00:48:15,323 Yeah, yeah, he did, and I am. Very, very happy. 862 00:48:15,392 --> 00:48:17,952 Really? Why do I feel like I should hide the razor blades? 863 00:48:18,028 --> 00:48:19,689 And the staplers and those scissors? 864 00:48:19,763 --> 00:48:23,460 I'll be fine. But this song, it's an excellent cure for the will to live. 865 00:48:23,533 --> 00:48:26,593 I know. What about the dancing? Make that end. 866 00:48:27,671 --> 00:48:29,002 (CHUCKLES) 867 00:48:29,873 --> 00:48:32,637 I'm sorry about the other night. 868 00:48:32,709 --> 00:48:35,542 It's okay. I just didn't think that Lucas would approve. 869 00:48:35,612 --> 00:48:38,479 - Or Emily, for that matter. - (SCOFFS) Well. 870 00:48:38,548 --> 00:48:42,382 Besides, you and me, it'd kind of be like cats and dogs. 871 00:48:43,086 --> 00:48:44,747 Yeah. Yeah. 872 00:48:46,156 --> 00:48:49,683 - Oil and water. - Sandpaper and bare ass. 873 00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:51,887 - That's gross. That's just gross. - You'd be the ass. 874 00:48:51,962 --> 00:48:53,054 Yeah. No, thank you. 875 00:48:53,130 --> 00:48:54,461 - I'd be honored. - Lennon and McCartney. 876 00:48:54,531 --> 00:48:56,158 - They were good together. - Yeah, while it lasted, 877 00:48:56,233 --> 00:48:58,929 and then they couldn't even be friends. 878 00:48:59,336 --> 00:49:00,428 (LAUGHING) 879 00:49:00,504 --> 00:49:04,270 - I think we can, at least, manage that. - I think we could. 880 00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:07,240 (WOMAN LAUGHING) 881 00:49:07,411 --> 00:49:09,402 - Enchant�. - Yeah. Salud. 882 00:49:13,450 --> 00:49:15,384 - Come on, let's dance. - No. 883 00:49:15,452 --> 00:49:16,942 - Why? - Okay. 884 00:49:23,527 --> 00:49:25,927 WILLIAM: You ready? RUSSELL: Yeah. 885 00:49:36,206 --> 00:49:38,071 MAYA: Guess that's it for Emily. 886 00:49:38,141 --> 00:49:42,134 I can't believe that she rehearsed with Charlie. 887 00:49:43,647 --> 00:49:48,107 - I can't believe it, either. - That leaves April. Maybe Summer. 888 00:49:48,185 --> 00:49:50,415 - Anybody else? - I was too busy. 889 00:49:50,487 --> 00:49:52,853 I was too busy working on the campaign. 890 00:49:52,923 --> 00:49:54,584 Anyway, when Clinton got elected, 891 00:49:54,658 --> 00:49:55,886 Russell and I started our own consulting firm, 892 00:49:55,959 --> 00:49:56,983 (CAMERA CLICKING) 893 00:49:57,060 --> 00:49:59,722 And we worked on campaigns for everybody. 894 00:49:59,796 --> 00:50:01,286 City council, state senate. 895 00:50:01,365 --> 00:50:03,356 We even did one for the local dog catcher. 896 00:50:03,433 --> 00:50:07,335 That's very interesting, Dad, but what about girlfriends? 897 00:50:07,404 --> 00:50:10,396 - What about Mom? - Well, I started dating again. 898 00:50:10,474 --> 00:50:14,205 - But nothing serious. - What about April? What happened to her? 899 00:50:14,277 --> 00:50:17,906 Well, a week after Kurt Cobain died, she broke up with her boyfriend. 900 00:50:17,981 --> 00:50:19,448 She went traveling. 901 00:50:19,516 --> 00:50:22,417 She traveled all over the world, just like she always dreamed of doing. 902 00:50:22,486 --> 00:50:26,149 And she says that it was because of something 903 00:50:26,223 --> 00:50:28,088 that I said to her on her birthday. 904 00:50:28,158 --> 00:50:31,150 Anyway, we started writing postcards. We started writing letters. 905 00:50:31,228 --> 00:50:34,561 And before I knew it, even though we were separated by entire worlds, 906 00:50:34,631 --> 00:50:36,656 we became great friends. 907 00:50:41,238 --> 00:50:44,571 WILLIAM: It was 1994, and New York was full of new life. 908 00:50:44,641 --> 00:50:46,370 More jobs, more money. 909 00:50:46,443 --> 00:50:49,935 That was the start of the Internet. And overnight, everyone in Manhattan 910 00:50:50,013 --> 00:50:51,002 had a cell phone. 911 00:50:51,081 --> 00:50:52,105 Can you hear me now? 912 00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:54,013 WILLIAM: Which they never put down. 913 00:50:55,886 --> 00:51:01,552 And then, our old boss, Arthur Robredo gave Russell and me our first big break. 914 00:51:01,625 --> 00:51:03,217 - This just came for you. - Thanks. 915 00:51:03,293 --> 00:51:07,423 I had finally made it inside the room. 916 00:51:07,898 --> 00:51:09,195 - Gareth. - Hayes. 917 00:51:09,266 --> 00:51:10,528 Good morning. 918 00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,261 Hey, let's get this party started. 919 00:51:12,969 --> 00:51:14,334 What's the word from upstate? 920 00:51:14,404 --> 00:51:17,168 WILLIAM: For the first time, New York was coming to me, 921 00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:19,401 instead of the other way around. 922 00:51:19,476 --> 00:51:22,809 "The most endangered species in our nation 923 00:51:22,879 --> 00:51:25,712 "isn't a big woodpecker or some freshwater fish. 924 00:51:25,782 --> 00:51:28,478 "It's the tongue in our heads! 925 00:51:28,552 --> 00:51:32,283 "Listen to the truncated bastard language of today. 926 00:51:32,355 --> 00:51:35,256 "The average vocabulary is a third of what it was 100 years ago. 927 00:51:35,325 --> 00:51:39,762 "Words fall out of our mouths and die at our feet! 928 00:51:39,830 --> 00:51:42,890 "The landscape of vocabulary is being hacked down 929 00:51:42,966 --> 00:51:46,663 "and grubbed up by the dribble of pop culture, 930 00:51:46,736 --> 00:51:48,226 "poisoned by lazy obscenity..." 931 00:51:48,305 --> 00:51:49,363 (WHISPERING) Will? 932 00:51:49,439 --> 00:51:51,168 HAMPTON: "...infantilized by a youth-obsessed media..." 933 00:51:51,241 --> 00:51:52,936 - Hey. - Hey. 934 00:51:53,810 --> 00:51:58,543 It's my favorite man- boy. You look very manly. 935 00:51:58,615 --> 00:52:02,051 Well, thank you, thank you. That's the aim. 936 00:52:02,819 --> 00:52:05,287 - How's Emily? - Emily. 937 00:52:06,389 --> 00:52:09,119 She's starring in somebody else's diary now. 938 00:52:09,226 --> 00:52:10,215 Oh. 939 00:52:10,694 --> 00:52:14,994 - How's the Professor? - The Professor is wonderful. 940 00:52:15,065 --> 00:52:18,364 - He's funny. - He dumped me for a sophomore. 941 00:52:19,202 --> 00:52:21,534 Told me it was for my own good. 942 00:52:22,506 --> 00:52:25,737 Everybody seems to be using that line these days. 943 00:52:27,577 --> 00:52:29,511 What have you been up to? 944 00:52:30,547 --> 00:52:35,814 I'm writing these really dumb items for New York Magazine. 945 00:52:35,886 --> 00:52:37,717 Waiting for my big break. 946 00:52:37,787 --> 00:52:41,951 "And 'syntax' isn't what Nevada brothels pay the IRS." 947 00:52:42,025 --> 00:52:43,117 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 948 00:52:43,193 --> 00:52:45,559 - I'm gonna go listen to the Professor. - Sure. 949 00:52:45,629 --> 00:52:46,687 Nice glasses. 950 00:52:46,763 --> 00:52:49,561 HAMPTON: "Listen to your kids if you can." 951 00:52:49,633 --> 00:52:51,760 WOMAN: Thank you. WILLIAM: Scotch, rocks, please. 952 00:52:52,602 --> 00:52:55,162 William Hayes! 953 00:52:57,107 --> 00:52:59,405 From... Don't tell me! 954 00:52:59,476 --> 00:53:02,639 Wisconsin! Yes, the Cheese State. 955 00:53:04,781 --> 00:53:06,373 Very nice of you to come to our little shindig. 956 00:53:06,449 --> 00:53:07,814 - I'll have another, please. - Pleasure. 957 00:53:07,884 --> 00:53:12,082 Yeah. Summer tells me you're writing speeches now for Arthur Robredo? 958 00:53:12,155 --> 00:53:16,421 - She tells me you're dating a sophomore. - No. Actually, it's two freshmen, 959 00:53:16,493 --> 00:53:19,929 which, on a good day, add up to a sophomore, I suppose. 960 00:53:21,198 --> 00:53:24,759 Walk with me. Why would you wanna work for a hack like Arthur Robredo? 961 00:53:24,834 --> 00:53:30,466 As I recall from our first encounter, you're a man of principles and ideals, even. 962 00:53:31,141 --> 00:53:35,475 Don't tell me you're just another yuppie puppy in an Armani suit. 963 00:53:35,545 --> 00:53:39,208 You were wonderful, darling. Is he being nice? You being nice? 964 00:53:39,282 --> 00:53:42,251 - Nice? Yeah, he can handle himself. - Sure, I can handle myself. 965 00:53:42,319 --> 00:53:45,846 First of all, Arthur Robredo is not a hack. He's worked his way up from the streets. 966 00:53:45,922 --> 00:53:48,049 He was a cop, an entrepreneur. 967 00:53:48,491 --> 00:53:52,052 He's a putz. This is exactly what my book is about. 968 00:53:52,128 --> 00:53:54,028 Here. Read it. It's free. 969 00:53:54,998 --> 00:53:59,196 Beauty, ideals, love don't mean squat anymore. 970 00:53:59,269 --> 00:54:02,067 - It's all about power and money. - I've read every single one of your books, 971 00:54:02,138 --> 00:54:04,197 and you're completely obsessed with power and money. 972 00:54:04,274 --> 00:54:06,765 That's because he doesn't have any. Right, babe?