1 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,840 /It all started 27 years ago. 2 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,600 /That's an orphanage. 3 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,360 /That's me in the basket. /I guess somebody didn't want me. 4 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,920 /I hear they did want /the basket back, though. 5 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,960 /But it was fine in the orphanage. 6 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,160 /That's me in the third row. 7 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,960 /I wasn't very popular. 8 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,600 /Of course, everybody wanted to be adopted. 9 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,800 /Luckily, lots of families came. 10 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,640 /And everybody got to go live with a family. 11 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,640 /Oh, except me. 12 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,080 /But I tried not to give up hope. 13 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,120 /Then, one day, 14 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,400 /something magical happened, /just like out of a fairy tale. 15 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,480 /Do you remember the one /where the wolf huffed and puffed 16 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,240 /and blew the piggies' house down? 17 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,320 /And he was wearing a glass slipper, /I think, and he had a pumpkin? 18 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,240 /Plus there was that other thing? 19 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,640 /Well, the same thing happened to me, 20 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,080 /only vastly different. 21 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,600 /I changed. 22 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:24,160 /And the next thing you know, /people seemed to like me for once. 23 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,640 /And then pictures were taken, /and suddenly I found the family 24 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,280 /I always wanted. 25 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:32,280 /Oh, I forgot to tell you, my name is Shelley. 26 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:34,520 /Now I live in the Playboy Mansion. 27 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:38,760 /And this is where I want to live /happily ever after. 28 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:59,440 - Throw the ball to me, Kim. - H, nice catch. Awesome throw. 29 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,160 - Hey, Lauren. - Hi, Shelley! 30 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:05,800 Hi, Hef! Hi, girls! 31 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,080 Hi, Shelley. Looking good. 32 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,240 - Marvin! - H, hey, Shelley. 33 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,680 Thank you. 34 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,360 You guys have to try one of these. Marvin makes the best margaritas. 35 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:21,120 /That's 'cause they're mangoritas. I invented them myself. 36 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,520 I added my own little Marvin twist to them. 37 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,880 Well, you're the best twister I know. 38 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,000 No, Shelley, you're the best twister. 39 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,200 - Shelley. - Hi! 40 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,480 Why are you keeping the rich, good-looking, famous guys all to yourself? 41 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,720 - You should introduce me. - H, of course. 42 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,840 Guys, this is Cassandra. /She's only been here for a few months, 43 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,320 but everybody loves her, because /she's super-beautiful 44 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,760 and she never throws up on anybody when /she's drunk. 45 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,120 So, Shelley, are you a centerfold? 46 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:53,360 She wishes. 47 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:57,000 Yeah, I do. So keep all your fingers crossed. 48 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,360 Hopefully Hef'll give me the good news this weekend at my birthday party. 49 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,480 I've got my "turn /ons" all ready and everything. 50 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:08,200 Being a centerfold is the highest, most prestigious honor there is. 51 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,280 It says, /"I'm naked in the middle of a magazine. 52 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,040 /"Unfold me." 53 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,880 I gotta tell you, it seems you've got a pretty good life here. 54 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,960 H, /it's paradise. 55 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,200 We are just one big family. I am so happy. 56 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,640 Why would I wanna live anywhere else? 57 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,640 I love this one. /Don't you guys? 58 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:19,480 We'll put this on the Mansion tab and have it all sent over this afternoon. 59 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,720 /Aren't we just the luckiest girls in the whole world? 60 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,560 Yes, you are. 61 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,760 Your birthday party on /Friday's gonna be so much fun! 62 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:28,840 Shelley! 63 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,160 H, my God. I bet you're gonna get Miss November. 64 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,000 Good morning, Shelley. 65 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,200 Rise and shine, sweetheart. 66 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,600 Good morning, Marvin. 67 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,960 Good morning, Pooter. You're looking dapper. 68 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,040 Your blueberry French toast is ready. 69 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,440 /Ooh-la-la. 70 00:05:58,480 --> 00:05:59,720 /That's French, right? 71 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,560 Yeah, but more important than the food, 72 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,960 I actually added something to your orange juice. 73 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:07,360 H, Marvin, thank you so much for telling me. 74 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,680 Usually I /don't find out until much later. 75 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:13,240 H, no. To add zest to the drink, first I put in some vanilla extract, 76 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:17,360 then, of course, some egg yolks, and then, I have a secret ingredient. 77 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,960 All right, you twisted my arm, /it's chili powder. 78 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:25,040 Yeah. It just explodes your taste buds, so the drink just envelops your mouth. 79 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,760 H, I love having my mouth enveloped. 80 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,800 /What's that? 81 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,920 Is this from Hef? Is this my birthday gift? 82 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,960 H, Pooter, is it finally happening? Am I Miss November? 83 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,520 /That's what I wished for when I blew out my candle. 84 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,120 H, my gosh, I just told you my wish. Now it /won't come true. 85 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,000 /I'm so sorry. I /didn't mean to tell, it just came out. 86 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,120 My teeth /couldn't stop it. 87 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,400 I take it all back, I take it all back. 88 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,200 Kay, /I'm ready. 89 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,160 /"Dear Shelley..." h, my gosh, /that's me. 90 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,960 Wait, /there's more. 91 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,680 /"Please move out of the Mansion /immediately." 92 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:10,840 Move out? 93 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:19,640 /"You have two hours to collect your belongings and leave the premises. 94 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,520 /"All my love, Hef." 95 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,520 /Hef's kicking me out? 96 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,520 Why would he do that? 97 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,240 This is my home. This is my family. 98 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:38,680 I hate to say this, Shelley, but maybe /it's because of your age. 99 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,880 But /I'm 27. 100 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,080 Yeah, but /that's 59 in Bunny years. 101 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:49,560 But I just turned 27 last night. 102 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,320 /It's almost like /I'm still 26. 103 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,520 R 58. 104 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,560 I've gotta talk to Hef, maybe he'll let me stay. 105 00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,400 Hef! 106 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,080 Hef! 107 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:02,720 Hef! 108 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,440 Hef! 109 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,200 Where is he? 110 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,720 He left for Vegas, Shelley. I /don't think /he's that good with goodbyes. 111 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,640 Why is this all happening? 112 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,320 /Where's my pink Prius? 113 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:25,960 The Prius actually belongs to the company. This is the car you came here with. 114 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,280 But... 115 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:35,840 Come on, Pooter. 116 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,320 We have to go find a new place to live. 117 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,880 Come on, now. 118 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,960 Come here, Pooter. 119 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,080 Here, let me help, Shelley. Hey, Pooter. /Shelley's calling you now. 120 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,000 Come on, Pooter. Go with Shelley, buddy. Pooter! 121 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,920 That hurts! Go with Shelley, Pooter! 122 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,720 Damn it! 123 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:04,400 Why /don't I just keep him here for a little while, until he calms down? 124 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,000 Kay. 125 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,800 Well, /don't worry, Pooter. 126 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,760 /I'm gonna find us a really nice place to live, 127 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,000 and then maybe you'll wanna come live with me. 128 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,480 /I'm sure he will. 129 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,080 Well, you take care, Shelley. 130 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:29,760 Bye. 131 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,960 I know /it's an embarrassment to live in a beat-up car, 132 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,720 but /don't lose faith, Pooter. 133 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,320 /I'm gonna get a great job soon, 134 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:49,040 and find us a super place to live, with a new family. 135 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,080 I pinkie promise, Pooter. 136 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,640 Good evening, ma'am. 137 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,880 You violated Code 753. /That's unlawful spitting. 138 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,480 I was just brushing my teeth. 139 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,960 You currently residing in this car, ma'am? 140 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,280 /I'm gonna have to issue another ticket. 141 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:19,000 Would you maybe stop giving me tickets if I told you I was having a really bad week 142 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,680 because I used to be a Playboy Bunny, but I got kicked out of the Mansion 143 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,080 because /I'm 59 years old? 144 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:29,960 /I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the car and take a Breathalyzer. 145 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:31,120 Kay. 146 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:36,680 Noises. 147 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,480 /I'm gonna need you to blow on this. 148 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,720 Really? 149 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,320 I guess. 150 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,840 You tried to do what? 151 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,200 To a cop? 152 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,400 Stupid! 153 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,560 I was just doing what he said. 154 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,400 He was in a uniform and everything. 155 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,320 /Don't worry, sweetie. First-timers only get one night. 156 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,680 You'll be back on the street selling in no time. 157 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:10,280 But /I'm not a prostitute. I was just brushing my teeth. 158 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,040 I like your tights. 159 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:23,200 And, you know, you should really go for a more natural look. 160 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,240 All that heavy makeup just hides your beauty. 161 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:28,080 /I'm a dude. 162 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,480 H, well, you're good like that. 163 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,800 So, did you hear about the pool party at Jordan's? 164 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,520 It was unbelievable. 165 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:20,920 - H, last Saturday? - Yes. 166 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,160 - H, my God. He makes the best margaritas. - Yep. /It's because he uses mangos. 167 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,440 - No. Really? - He read about them somewhere. 168 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:27,560 Yeah, mangoritas. 169 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,520 - /Jordan's just so hot. - I know. 170 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,640 So are all his friends. 171 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,240 Yeah, seriously, I've tried to hook up with all of them. 172 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,960 - No, you have not. - Yes. Yes, I did. 173 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,640 Two of them, I succeeded. 174 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,680 - Really? - It was amazing. 175 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,200 Who knew? 176 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,320 I was so excited. 177 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,760 Looks like a mini-Playboy Mansion. 178 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:09,840 - Hi. - Hi. 179 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:13,720 Hi. 180 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,280 Can I help you? 181 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,360 Yes. I would like to live here, please. 182 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:23,360 H, I know, right? But you have to be asked to live here. 183 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,760 - Do you go to this school? - This is a school? 184 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,480 Where are the desks? 185 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:34,040 No. This is a sorority house at a school. 186 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,200 And you do look like an older, 187 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,160 sluttier version of the type of girl we would want. 188 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:44,080 But, /I'm sorry, you're not a student. It was so nice talking to you. 189 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,640 - But I really think it's... - So nice. 190 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,920 And our piano is from Tuscany. Very high-end. 191 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,920 I believe that every detail of the house 192 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,720 should be a reflection of the girls who live here. 193 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,040 Hi. Do you ladies go to school here, too? 194 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,760 Not anymore. 195 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,440 We're the housemothers of the sororities on campus. 196 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,000 /That's so dope. 197 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,600 Do you live in the houses with the girls? 198 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,000 Yes. 199 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,040 /That's even dopier. 200 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,440 So, what do housemothers do? 201 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,080 We oversee the meal plans, 202 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,640 chaperone the social events, make sure the girls stay out of trouble. 203 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:27,280 H, my gosh. /That's exactly what I used to do back at the Mansion. 204 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:28,760 Can I be one, too? 205 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,920 /I'm sorry. This is a sorority, not a brothel. 206 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,840 A brothel? H, /I'm not looking to make soup. 207 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:37,800 /I'm looking to be like you. 208 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,880 I wanna be a housemother. 209 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,160 We have standards. 210 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:46,640 Standards that you clearly do not meet. But it was nice to meet you. 211 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,160 But I just want to... 212 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,360 - So nice. - So nice. 213 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:02,840 Try Zeta. Their last housemother was hospitalized with hallucinations. 214 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,200 Awesome. 215 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,200 Awesome. 216 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,240 Hello? 217 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:34,280 Dean Simmons. Please, please. We are trying so hard. I promise you. 218 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,000 This seems really unfair. And /I'm not gonna attack you. 219 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,840 I /don't want you to feel attacked by all of us, so /I'm just gonna say /"me." 220 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,600 To me, this feels really unfair. 221 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,160 Natalie. Look, I feel the same way you do. 222 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,360 But the fact remains, 223 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:51,040 you guys have not met your requirements for three years running now. 224 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,200 And /I'm under a lot of pressure from other sororities 225 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,440 complaining that we're bending the rules for you. 226 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,880 By "other /sororities," do you happen to mean Phi lota Mu? 227 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,120 I really /don't think it matters who complained. 228 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,080 Natalie, rules are rules. 229 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,480 Drama queen. 230 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,160 H, /I'm sorry I scared you. 231 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,640 Do you think you could help me out of here, though? 232 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,240 What? Yeah. 233 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,200 Thanks. 234 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,480 /I'm so sorry, I think I broke your Z. 235 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:27,360 H. No, /it's okay. It falls off, like, every time we open the door. 236 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,080 Well, at least you still have T and A. 237 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,720 T and an A. Who are you? 238 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,680 My name is Shelley, and /I'm here to be your housemother. 239 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,760 Well, /it's nice to meet you, Shelley. 240 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,760 But, unfortunately, he... 241 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,600 /It's a little too late. 242 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,320 We're about to lose our charter, so if we /don't have a house, 243 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,560 we /won't really be needing a housemother. 244 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,480 Well, why are they gonna take your house away? 245 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:07,800 Because we get no pledges, and everyone kind of thinks we're losers. 246 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,280 /That's so sad. Why does everyone else get all the pledges? 247 00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,120 Well, they have great parties, and 248 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,320 boys actually like them. 249 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,600 /I'm an expert at parties and boys. /I'm a Bunny. 250 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,120 Men write to me from prison, sometimes in their own blood. 251 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,040 I mean, I assume /it's theirs, who knows? I don't. 252 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,240 /I'm sorry, /I'm nervous right now, 253 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,080 because I really wanna help you guys, because I know I can do it. 254 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,240 Wow, a Bunny? 255 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,480 Like a centerfold? 256 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:40,640 H, bless your heart, no. Just a couple of small pictorials, 257 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:44,960 /"Girls of the Midwest," "Girls with /GEDs," /"Girls of Charlie Sheen." 258 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,120 But now /I'm a homeless person. 259 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,000 God, /I'm so sorry. 260 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:52,840 Good luck. 261 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,560 Wait, but I can really help you guys. 262 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,480 So if we /don't get pledges, we lose our charter? 263 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,640 - We need 30. - Thirty pledges? /There's seven of us, dude. 264 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,120 Technically, /71l2 now. 265 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,320 Hey! 266 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,720 H, nothing a little fertilizer /can't help. 267 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,440 Not you, Tanya. I was talking about Harmony. 268 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,600 Actually, /73l4 as of Tuesday last week. 269 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,440 Guys, we're never gonna get that many pledges. 270 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,680 This is just their way of shutting us down. 271 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,200 This is awful. 272 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,320 Hey, Joanne, just FYI, 273 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,560 you've got refrigerator magnets stuck to your brace again. 274 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:32,960 Actually, we need that. /That's our grocery list. 275 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,160 I knew that. I knew that. 276 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,520 - No, you didn't. - Did so. 277 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,800 - Why do we need knee-highs? - H, my God. 278 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,120 H, my God. /There's boys on our lawn. 279 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,120 Are they lost? 280 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,280 Nice. 281 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,360 The Leaning Panther. I like that. /Yoga's hot. 282 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,520 So, are you a Zeta? 283 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,040 H, I wish. 284 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:05,960 Yeah, I do, too, because Zeta would be my new favorite hizzety-hang. 285 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,920 Well, she is not a Zeta, 286 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,640 because /she's our new hizzety-housemother. 287 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,920 She'll be hizzy-tizzies... 288 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,200 She'll be here all the time. 289 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,760 You're hiring me? 290 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,240 H, give me some of that. 291 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,000 H, God bless her. 292 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,360 - Why are they acting like that? - Yes. 293 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:34,040 H, /that's boys just being boys. 294 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,320 Thank goodness. 295 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:46,200 H, my gosh! I am just so happy that you guys want me here. 296 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,240 You are not gonna be sorry. 297 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,720 So this is how we're gonna get pledges? 298 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:55,000 Hiring an archaically superficial reflection of the male fantasy? 299 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,280 Well, guys like her. 300 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:02,360 And since guys /don't like us, I figured she could help. 301 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:07,440 So, in order to be in a sisterhood, now we have to be popular? 302 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:12,160 No, no. In order to keep our house, though, we do have to be popular. Yes. 303 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,400 So, I figured Shelley here could teach us how. 304 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,520 Kay, look, /don't get me wrong. I love guys. 305 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,440 But I lived in a house filled with girls for nine years, 306 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:26,440 and I know that /there's nothing better than just being with your sisters, 307 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:30,880 sharing, talking all night, painting each /other's bodies, 308 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:35,120 baking penis cookies, playing with monkeys... 309 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,760 - /Where'd you live? - The Playboy Mansion. 310 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,560 No, that /doesn't make her a hooker. Sorry. 311 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,040 /She's shy. /She's just... 312 00:20:56,240 --> 00:21:00,080 /She's so shy. /That's Lilly, also, by the way. 313 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,280 Lilly. 314 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,760 And this here is Harmony. 315 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,120 Harmony. 316 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,240 And Carrie Mae. 317 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,760 Carrie Mae. 318 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,600 And then Joanne, over there. 319 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,000 Joanne. 320 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,760 Wow, you hired the Exorcist. /That's great. 321 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,440 What is that? 322 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:27,000 Is that like a Yoda thing, or what? 323 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,600 /It's fun, but, what... 324 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:34,160 h, no, no. /It's just this thing I do to remember /people's names. 325 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:35,240 Natalie. 326 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:39,360 So, thank you guys so much for letting me be your housemother. 327 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,040 No, /it's no problem. 328 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,600 Because you just... 329 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,160 This is just gonna be great. 330 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,360 But I have to go take a shower, 331 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,680 because I /haven't had one since I slept in my car and spent the night in jail. 332 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:53,920 Sweet. 333 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,560 - Hi, girls. - H, my God! 334 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:00,840 Shelley! Hi. /Where's your robe? 335 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,600 H, I just like to air dry. 336 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,840 H, she just likes to air dry. 337 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,840 My God, you're so vapid. 338 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,680 H, my gosh. Thank you so much. 339 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,680 You're like the hundredth person /who's told me that. 340 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:15,960 Shell? Just a quick little side note, 341 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:17,480 I /don't think that some of the girls in this house 342 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,440 have even seen their own bodies naked, 343 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:23,880 so they probably /don't really want to see your perfectly engineered boobs. 344 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:28,640 Well, /I'm just walking around in the body God and Dr. Borkman gave me. 345 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,800 Hey, Shelley, why /don't you throw some clothes on? 346 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,200 We've got a lot of work to do. 347 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,040 This year, we are gonna get lots and lots of pledges. 348 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:42,400 Kay. 349 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,880 H, we also need to raise money for our philanthropy. 350 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,840 /What's a phila-canopee? 351 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,600 H, no. /It's a philanthropy. 352 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:53,400 /It's like a charity. 353 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,120 H, I love charity. 354 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,160 Ne time, at the Mansion, 355 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,800 I even let Bob Saget grind on me during a slow dance. 356 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,440 And /here's a list of ideas I came up with for fundraisers 357 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,800 that might make us a little more popular. 358 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:13,040 So, please take a read. 359 00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:15,360 /"Start a beekeeping club." 360 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,680 We could have the masks, even. 361 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,080 /"Paleolithic bake sale." 362 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,600 Hi! Dinosaurs! Like, everyone saw /Jurassic Park. 363 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,040 /"B. Y...M." 364 00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:30,360 Bring your own man? 365 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,960 No. Bring your own mouse! 366 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,040 Which is better. 367 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,600 Because they're cute and they're little and you can hold them. 368 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:42,360 And also, another thing that I thought of was, you could dress them up. 369 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,320 /It's the whole fun part of it, is you can put them in little outfits. 370 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,840 You can make, like, an Abraham Lincoln mouse. 371 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,080 And you could do like Joan of... 372 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,440 Why do /everyone's eyes glaze over when I talk about this? 373 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,120 Whoa. No. 374 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,720 No, they /weren't glazing. They were just taking a break. 375 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,560 Natalie, these are super, super-great ideas. 376 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,080 Thank you. I worked really hard. 377 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,560 But we might wanna try something a little more 378 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,120 sexy. 379 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,240 Car wash. Come get your car washed. 380 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,960 Here we are at the Zeta House Car Wash. 381 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,000 I have a car, and /I'm great at washing it. 382 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,600 I am so offended right now. 383 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,200 Come on, guys, /let's give her a chance. 384 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,640 - Car wash. - Car wash! 385 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:32,800 You said you needed to raise money. 386 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:38,160 Well, washing cars is a fun and sexy way to make all the money that we need. 387 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,600 So, car wash! 388 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:43,880 Car wash. 389 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,000 We're having a car wash. 390 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,320 Car wash. 391 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,640 No, I /can't bend that way. 392 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,600 Hey, watch this, guys. 393 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:00,640 Hi, guys. 394 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:01,920 Dude, /that's wild. 395 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,240 H, my God. Shelley, /that's Colby. /I'm in love with him. 396 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:08,080 H, /that's so sweet. How long have you guys been going out? 397 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,680 No. We are not going out. I've never even talked to him. 398 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,360 And /he's coming this way. What do I do? 399 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:16,680 Do sexy. 400 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,840 Wash these cars, you sexy bitches! 401 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,640 They are filthy. And so are you! 402 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,440 Did she just call us bitches? 403 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,320 Did she just call us sexy? 404 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,720 Wash! Wash! Wash! 405 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,880 Wash! Wash! Wash! Wash! 406 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,160 - Hey, girls. - Hi. 407 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,160 Kay, /that's the first time we've ever spoken, so... First time. 408 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:44,320 Hi! 409 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,880 We're just washing cars and being sexy. 410 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:49,960 Mostly sexy. 411 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,000 So, does anybody want a wet T-shirt? 412 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,520 - Yeah. - R, you know, maybe some wet pants. 413 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,440 Someone went accident in her sexy pants. 414 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:09,120 So, anyway, we're having some drinks over at Theta later. 415 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,080 - Theta. - Totally. 416 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,200 You wanna come over? 417 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:14,440 Yes. 418 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,200 Well, we are a little thirsty. 419 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,600 Maybe you guys are, too. 420 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,800 Why /don't you have a drink right now? 421 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,960 I'll take a little sip. 422 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,240 I am so sorry. 423 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:36,920 Thought /I'd help you wash the testosterone off your face, Colby. 424 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,520 Well, cool. 425 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:42,480 So, what time can we drop by for drinks? 426 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,840 Now that you mention it, 427 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,240 the guest list is looking pretty full. 428 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,760 So, maybe next time, all right? 429 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,360 Hey, Super-brace! 430 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,240 Il can. Il can. 431 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:58,680 Not cool, man. /Let's go. Come on, come on, /let's go. 432 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,640 Well, I think we're done here, sexy bitches. 433 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,760 Thanks a lot, Mona. 434 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,440 The one chance I get to talk to Colby, and you completely ruin it. 435 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,200 Yeah, because the whole peeing-in-your-pants thing 436 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:10,920 was really working out well for you. 437 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,440 Thank you. 438 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:16,120 My /car's still dirty, so I'll be out here if you need me. 439 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,200 Do you want a car wash? 440 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,280 Me? 441 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:26,960 H, no. No. I have a bike. 442 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,200 Besides, I gotta get back to work. 443 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,640 H, yeah. I know all about work. 444 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,600 /I'm at work right now, actually. 445 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,840 H, do you wash cars? 446 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,560 No. /I'm the Zeta Sorority Housemother. 447 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,880 You seem a little young to be a housemother. 448 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,160 Really? 449 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,240 You think /I'm young? 450 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,400 H, thank you. 451 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,000 Thank you. 452 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,760 /I'm sorry to invade your space, but I needed that. 453 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,720 So, /what's your job? 454 00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:00,800 H... Job. 455 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,680 I manage a nursing home. 456 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,760 /It's so great you give nurses a place to live. 457 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,680 Actually, /it's a nursing home for senior citizens. 458 00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,920 An old /folks'... Id people. Id people. 459 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,360 I know lots of old men. 460 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:23,440 Hairy and not hairy. But I /don't mean to brag. 461 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:25,920 So, they live there? 462 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,960 Like an orphanage for old people? 463 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,880 Well, yeah. I mean, /that's one way you could look at it. Yeah. 464 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:36,400 Their parents are gone, and they live in a big building 465 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,680 all by themselves, wondering where everybody went, 466 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:40,880 and I think /I'm gonna cry. 467 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:47,240 Listen, if you want, you know, you could stop by the nursing home, 468 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,280 because we always need volunteers to help out 469 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,400 and visit with the old people, 470 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,040 if you're interested. 471 00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,000 Yeah. /I'd love to. 472 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:03,000 My name is Shelley. And I like long walks and hate rude people. 473 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,920 H, /that's good to know. /I'm liver. 474 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,280 - Liver. - Yes. 475 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,720 I like taking long walks with rude people. Nly on short piers, though. 476 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:20,040 /That's funny. 477 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,000 - You're funny. - Thank you. 478 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:23,520 - Bye. - Bye. 479 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,320 Guys. 480 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,480 Kay, this /isn't my fault. /Don't like... 481 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,480 I know it was a disaster, but she's... 482 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,800 You guys, I just had the best idea for our phila-tropy. 483 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:38,200 Philanthropy. 484 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,400 We are gonna volunteer at /liver's nursing home. 485 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,160 Who is liver? 486 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,280 /He's this guy I just met. /He's really sweet. 487 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:47,720 And /he's kind of cute, too. 488 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:50,280 Well... 489 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:55,160 I /don't know if you guys can recognize this, but Shelley is meeting guys. 490 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,000 And if she knows how to meet guys, then we will learn how to meet guys. 491 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:02,080 Then more girls'll wanna hang out with us. Hence, more pledges. 492 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,240 Yeah. Hence! 493 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,040 Kay, /here's what we need to do. 494 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,560 We need to get all dressed up, and then we need to go to a club 495 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:13,160 and drink fruity drinks and dirty-dance with each other. 496 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,920 - Why? - To bond, y'old grumpy. 497 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,920 Yeah, y'old grumpy. To bond. 498 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,200 The /music's playing. Ur bodies are swaying. 499 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:24,680 You know what /I'm saying? 500 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,600 You know? We could like play some form of dodge ball, maybe. 501 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,160 We could tie our shoes together, our tennis shoes, 502 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,880 and we could throw them over telephone wires. 503 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,000 Because I see that everywhere, 504 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,640 and it seems like people would have fun doing that. 505 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,720 Like, "How hard can you /throw?" 506 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,040 You know what I mean? Like how... What are you... 507 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,400 r we could go to a club. 508 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,960 Six Virgin Marys and one Kamikaze. 509 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,760 /Here's to Zetas, to making you guys the best sorority ever. 510 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,440 H, Mona, that guy is totally checking you out. 511 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,400 - Go flirt with him. - Right. 512 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,160 Think of it as research, Mona. Research. 513 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,200 Get over there. Get on that horse! 514 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,400 Go, go. Go! 515 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:34,080 You like what you see, stud? 516 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,920 /I'm not really sure what /I'm looking at, metalface. 517 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,480 Let me guess, is it a Hannibal Lecter thing? 518 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:41,000 Yeah, it is. 519 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,880 /There's a big box of cutesicles. 520 00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,640 Carrie Mae, go work your magic. 521 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,840 The only magic I've ever done was try to figure out a way 522 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:58,040 to stay in college for nine years and not go back to my trailer park in Idaho. 523 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,040 So, figure out a way into his heart. 524 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:04,920 Just go over there and talk to him about any old thing. 525 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,680 Excuse me, you know where the crapper is? 526 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,320 I have to drop off some timber. 527 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:17,640 Go away. 528 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,840 /What'd I do? 529 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,360 /It's okay. /It's just, Carrie Mae, sometimes 530 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:27,240 men like their women with a little bit of mystery. 531 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,280 So, get back over there and try it again. 532 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:36,640 Excuse me. 533 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:38,840 You know where the crapper is? 534 00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:41,920 I have to do a very mysterious thing in there. 535 00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:44,440 Drop off some timber. 536 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,680 /I'm definitely not drunk enough for that. 537 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,760 Well, this is good, though. 538 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,040 This is really good practice. 539 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,120 Hey, /it's the Zetas. 540 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:01,440 - Hi. - Hi. 541 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,200 I feel like we never see you guys out. 542 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:05,760 We never see them out, either. 543 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,560 I met you yesterday. I was that homeless girl. 544 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,080 Now /I'm their house mom. 545 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,840 Congratulations. /That's awesome. 546 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,680 So, hey, you guys got here just in time. 547 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:19,960 We're doing a little karaoke contest. Sororities versus fraternities. 548 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,520 Yeah, you guys can go next if you want. 549 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:24,080 Yeah! Come on! 550 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:27,960 H, girls! Always say "yes" to karaoke. 551 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:30,440 Yeah, we'll pick a great song for you. 552 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,680 /Don't worry, you /can't be any worse than we were. 553 00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:34,920 - Seriously, we were wretched. - Awful. 554 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,880 - I /don't know. - H, okay. Kay, listen. 555 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,880 Just give me a second. I promise the Zetas are going up on stage. 556 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:42,520 Awesome. Great. 557 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:45,840 You guys, karaoke is so fun! 558 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:49,320 You gotta get up there and do karaoke. Boys like singing. /It's sexy. 559 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:53,120 Go! Go! Get up there! Go! Go! 560 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:55,880 I think we can do it. 561 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,200 We can do anything better than those mannequins, you guys. 562 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,240 I might puke, but /let's do it! 563 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,080 /That's the spirit! 564 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,800 All right! Get up there, you Bravehearts! 565 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,400 /All right, that was Kappa Eta Sigma! 566 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,840 /Next up, the Zetas? 567 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,520 /Singing Like A Virgin. 568 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:35,320 /I made it through the wilderness 569 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:39,240 /Somehow I made it through 570 00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:46,360 /Didn't know how lost I was /Until I found you 571 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:51,800 /I was beat, incomplete 572 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:56,400 /I'm a hag and I'm fat and rude 573 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,240 /But you made me feel 574 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,040 /Yeah, you made me feel 575 00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:07,720 /Like a big bag of poop 576 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,160 /Like a loser 577 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:15,080 /We're rejected all the time 578 00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:20,000 /Like a loser 579 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:24,000 /Who's so retarded, it's a crime 580 00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:25,880 /Like a... 581 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:37,720 That was not nice. 582 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:39,920 Awesome. 583 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:41,960 You wanna get cut, bitch? 584 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:45,000 H, classy. Very classy. 585 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:49,160 No, no, no, no, /she's right, Courtney. I mean, we should apologize. 586 00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:51,120 Especially since we're about to take their house. 587 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,760 - H, right. - Where are you taking it? 588 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,480 Well, we heard that you were losing your charter, 589 00:35:56,560 --> 00:36:00,840 so Phi lota Mu is gonna buy your crappy house when it goes on sale after rush. 590 00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:05,320 Yes, we are going to have so many pledges, we'll need all of the extra space. 591 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:06,760 H, but /don't worry. 592 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,960 I mean, we'll still let you guys stay on and be the maids. 593 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:13,760 You can sweep the chimney. /Won't that be nice? 594 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,720 Does the little one understand human talk? 595 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,640 H, and I guess that when we buy your house, 596 00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:20,600 you'll go back to being homeless. 597 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:21,880 /I'm a housemother. 598 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,440 A Zeta housemother, and I /don't like some of the things you were saying. 599 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,960 Because they do understand human talk, and you hurt their feelings. 600 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,040 H, Shelley, come on. /It's not worth it, /let's go. 601 00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:32,560 Yeah, you should go. 602 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:33,960 It was so nice to see you. 603 00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,040 But I really think that... 604 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:36,280 - So nice. - So nice. 605 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,480 That was so humiliating, you guys. 606 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:41,760 I know it was awful. 607 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,440 And I am so mad that they did that to you guys, 608 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,920 but we /can't listen to those girls. 609 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,880 Why? They're right. We are losers. 610 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:52,960 H, we're not losers. 611 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,920 You just ignore that dumb old wall. 612 00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:01,120 Well, you're not a loser, Shelley. People like you. You're pretty. 613 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:04,200 I just /don't understand that kind of behavior. 614 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,280 Trust me. 615 00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:10,800 You guys, I can make you way hotter than any old Phi lota Mu. 616 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:16,040 By the time /I'm done, every girl on campus'll want to pledge Zeta. 617 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:19,000 No, really, we are just a bunch of misfits. 618 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,480 Lilly just texted me from the closet. She says we're not misfits. 619 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,160 Well, I hope she was being ironic. 620 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,040 Go, go, go, go, go! 621 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:30,280 - Are we doing this? - Do it! 622 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,000 - All right. - Here. 623 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:33,920 You can do this. 624 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:38,000 If I thought you all were quitting... My heart would just fall out of my head. 625 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,400 Shelley, your heart is not in your head. 626 00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:44,080 Your heart has its own cavity. Right under your fake boobs. 627 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,760 Do you understand how moronic you sound 628 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,840 when you say your heart is gonna fall out of your head? 629 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:50,400 Well, Mona, 630 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:55,040 I totally understand why that saying sounds mixed-up, 631 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,360 but I /don't mean it for real. 632 00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:00,800 I /don't think that my heart is in my skull. 633 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:05,880 What I mean is that sometimes logic tells you to do something, 634 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:09,400 but you have to have part of your heart in it as well. 635 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:15,000 My head and my heart tell me that we can save Zeta. 636 00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:21,040 We need 30 pledges, and I know just how to do it. 637 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:25,400 By making you guys the hottest girls on campus. 638 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:32,600 I'll get it. 639 00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:39,960 - Does that say "Zeta"? - Yeah. 640 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,280 This is war. 641 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:45,960 Enough is enough. 642 00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,240 /Let's do this. /There's no way those bitches are getting our house. 643 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:06,480 Kay, ladies, dressing sexy is all about skimplifying. 644 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:09,840 I want you to show skin in the four major regions. 645 00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:13,080 Arms, legs, belly and cleavage. 646 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:14,520 Is this how you skimplify? 647 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:18,280 H, okay. Well, maybe we could let someone who /doesn't have a giant baby 648 00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:20,080 in their belly give it a try. 649 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:24,720 Kay, this is your most important secret weapon, the water bra. 650 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,880 Just stay away from sharp corners. 651 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:28,880 This is going too far. 652 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:31,200 No. No way. No. 653 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,320 Just consider it like another thesis topic, you know? 654 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,800 /"Conventional Archetypes of Beauty and Their Effect on the pposite /Sex." 655 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:47,000 Are you sure /that's everything? 656 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:51,760 Because feeling good on the inside is all about looking good on the outside. 657 00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,320 Go ahead and keep that one. 658 00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:02,480 There are three rules to successful flirtation. 659 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,960 Eye contact, flattery and lots of touching. 660 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:09,280 For example, /let's pretend that Natalie here is a man. 661 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:13,200 /I'm touching his arm, /I'm looking deep into his eyes 662 00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,800 and /I'm wearing deodorant. Carrie Mae? 663 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:17,160 I know. 664 00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:19,720 And I might say something like this. 665 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:23,840 /"h, my gosh. Your biceps are huge. Kiss /me." 666 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:28,080 And then he would kiss me. So, any questions? 667 00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,520 What do I do with my chew? 668 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:31,960 How long would the kiss usually be? 669 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,280 And, also, why would he kiss you, because you... 670 00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:42,560 kay, ladies, /today's lesson is makeup. 671 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,360 First, we must highlight your eyes. 672 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:48,280 The eyes are the nipples of the face. 673 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:36,960 Whoa. 674 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:46,720 Wow. 675 00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,840 So this is what it feels like to not be invisible. 676 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:53,560 We /weren't exactly invisible before, just the anti-hot. 677 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:56,280 Check out Joanne. 678 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,160 I really like what you've done with the Bedazzler. 679 00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:00,160 - Thank you. - /It's nice. 680 00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:01,320 So /what's next, Shelley? 681 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,760 I want all the fraternities to see how hot you guys are. 682 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,640 Kind of like a coming-out party. So we are gonna take some pictures. 683 00:42:08,720 --> 00:42:11,040 H, we are not posing for /Playboy. 684 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,800 No, in a /calendar. "The Girls of /Zeta." 685 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,560 Everyone will see the new you, 686 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:20,320 and selling the calendars will help us raise money for our phil-an-coppopopy. 687 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,560 Hey, you guys, Lilly just texted me. 688 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,320 She says we look hot and this is fun. 689 00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:34,680 Keep doing that, keep doing that. Make love to the camera. 690 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,960 I saw that in /Austin Powers. 691 00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:42,880 Yeah, work it. Think really sexy witch. 692 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:46,480 - Are you a good witch or a bad witch? - A good witch. 693 00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:48,560 I think you're a bad witch. 694 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:53,160 I bet the house that falls on you is gonna be a sexy house. 695 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,160 Work it. Work it. 696 00:42:56,240 --> 00:43:00,000 You're like a supermodel, except more pregnant. Keep going. 697 00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:23,280 Kay, Henry, very glad you finally learned how to use the suggestion box. 698 00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:25,720 And I want to let you know that I got your message, 699 00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:27,880 you want less Boggle and more bingo. 700 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,040 So /I'm gonna work on it, okay? 701 00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:33,040 Whoa. Kay, /what's going on with your heart? 702 00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:35,520 Shelley, you're here. 703 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,280 - Move out of the way, man. - Move it, Junior. 704 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:40,760 - Sideways. - Sorry, sorry. 705 00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:42,600 - Hi. - Hi. 706 00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:47,960 We brought a donation as part of our philtrophy. 707 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,360 H, great. Thank you. 708 00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:52,520 We're making calendars, 709 00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,680 and before we could even get them all out, 710 00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:57,360 the printing-press guys bought up the first batch. 711 00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,480 Wow. Great, thank you very much. 712 00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:03,080 This is, "Pay to the rder of Id /People." 713 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,360 Yes, and it /doesn't stop there. 714 00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:11,240 I hope you /don't mind, but I brought a few extra volunteers to help out today. 715 00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:15,640 Henry, Henry, look away. Look away, okay? 716 00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:20,400 Look at the wall. Think of broccoli and bad bingo cards. 717 00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,640 You know, actually, your timing is perfect, 718 00:44:22,720 --> 00:44:26,400 because I was about to try and organize a dance class. 719 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,000 Nobody signed up. 720 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,120 And I was at the top of the list not signing up. 721 00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:34,720 There /ain't no way /I'm dancing. You can forget that. 722 00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,120 H, I love to dance. 723 00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:38,440 Well, /let's do it. 724 00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,680 Kay, ladies, fan out and find a partner. 725 00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:50,760 And maybe we should talk about this music. 726 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,400 Wow, this music is super, super-great, 727 00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:59,800 but we might want to try something a little sexier. 728 00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:16,800 Great job, ladies. 729 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:34,000 Shelley, I just want to thank you so much for doing this. 730 00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:35,160 /It's just so kind. 731 00:45:35,240 --> 00:45:39,760 H, well, kindness is just love with its work boots on. 732 00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:43,280 Hey, liver, ask the girl to dance. 733 00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:46,640 - /I'd love to. - Really? 734 00:45:49,240 --> 00:45:50,960 Looking good, Jean. 735 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:57,000 So, listen, Shelley, I was wondering if maybe /you'd like to have dinner sometime. 736 00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,480 Really? Yes. Yeah. 737 00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:01,160 Great. 738 00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:05,240 - Bitchsuck! - Sorry. /I'm sorry. 739 00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:07,040 H, /it's all good. 740 00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:11,680 /I'm so glad to be back. 741 00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:15,720 Marvin, tell Shelley we're back and we're gonna be watching a movie. 742 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:17,400 How about something spooky? No, funny. 743 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:19,680 No. How about /Scarface? 744 00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:22,000 No, you guys, I think it should be /Shelley's pick tonight. 745 00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:26,760 Mr. Hefner, /Shelley's actually gone. She told me to give you this letter. 746 00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:39,200 Shelley moved to Africa to work with the orphans. 747 00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:40,480 She left while we were gone 748 00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:43,560 because she says she /can't deal with goodbyes. 749 00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:48,240 /I'm going to bed. No movies tonight. 750 00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:52,960 You look nervous. 751 00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:56,400 I /don't like when you look nervous. You will not blow this! 752 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:57,680 But I just wanna mix drinks. 753 00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:00,000 You know, my whole life, /that's all I've ever wanted to do, 754 00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,760 is just blend. 755 00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:04,600 And then you come along with your weird kryptonite death grip, and... 756 00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:07,080 - /That's right, /it's like this. - H, good God! 757 00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:08,680 H, sweet bastard, /that's good. 758 00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:12,120 /That's right, and /I'm the only woman that can make you feel like that. 759 00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:15,680 You will not tell Hef that we wrote that letter to Shelley. 760 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:17,000 - Just do it again. - Got it? 761 00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:19,960 - Yeah, I got it, I got it, I got it. So I got it. - Good. 762 00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:31,880 Hi. I'll take two calendars. 763 00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:35,600 Wow. /That's so generous. /Everyone's been buying two. 764 00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:38,440 Actually, /it's in case one gets ruined. 765 00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:41,640 Hot dogs, Zeta hot dogs. Who wants one? 766 00:47:41,720 --> 00:47:44,240 You. You. You got one. 767 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:50,640 Sweet setup here. 768 00:47:51,720 --> 00:47:54,720 We should totally have a mixer with you guys sometime. 769 00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:55,960 Yeah. 770 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,280 We could have one with /Battle... 771 00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:03,840 What? Ne more time. 772 00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:07,440 We could have a /Battlestar Galactica night. With pudding! 773 00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:09,560 Definitely! What? 774 00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:11,480 /Battlestar Galactica. kay. 775 00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:15,680 She said that you guys should get together some night, with pudding. 776 00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:17,480 Whoa. 777 00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,320 You betcha. You betcha. 778 00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:24,600 At Phi lota Mu we are very exclusive, because we can be. 779 00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,880 Many of our sisters are leaders on campus. 780 00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:33,200 We have a rocking GPA and our very own Korean manicurist. 781 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,440 Hey, where are you guys going? 782 00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:44,480 - Whose booth is that? - /That's Zeta's booth. 783 00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,880 /Don't be ridiculous. Why would they have a booth? 784 00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:49,040 And who would go to it? 785 00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,200 - Do you want some ketchup? - /That'd be great. 786 00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:53,560 I can totally hose you some right there. Go ahead, lean back. 787 00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:55,480 No, /I'm just... 788 00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,560 - Excuse me. - Why, did you fart? 789 00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,600 - Did I do what? - Fart. 790 00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:08,200 Where are the Zetas? 791 00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:10,600 We are the Zetas, 2008 edition. 792 00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:12,440 And /I'm in love! 793 00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:26,880 /Why'd you do that? 794 00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:29,040 I needed to hurt someone. 795 00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:35,560 This is so awesome, you guys. That was so much fun! 796 00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:37,240 It was, it was. 797 00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:40,320 Harmony, Brian Stone was all over you, girl. 798 00:49:41,240 --> 00:49:42,480 - And how about Mona? - What? 799 00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:45,440 I got numbers from four boys. It was all for research. 800 00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:46,560 Liar. 801 00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:48,880 - Careful what you research. - But I really had fun. 802 00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:54,040 Well, Natalie, Colby was following you around like a puppy dog. 803 00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,680 Do you guys think you'll, you know... 804 00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:00,080 No. 805 00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:05,120 I do not think, you know, that. 806 00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:06,760 /"That"? 807 00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:11,320 Natalie, are you a virgin? 808 00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:13,880 No. 809 00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:16,880 Am I a virgin? No. 810 00:50:17,720 --> 00:50:18,880 You're a virgin! 811 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:22,200 Shelley! /It's like an amphitheater in here! 812 00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:23,800 /That's it. 813 00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:26,120 H, my gosh. We have to have an Aztec party. 814 00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:27,560 We always wanted to have one at the Mansion, 815 00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:30,760 but we could never find a virgin to sacrifice. 816 00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,800 Natalie, it is gonna be the best time ever. 817 00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:38,680 We are gonna have the most rockingest party, and then we'll get our 30 pledges. 818 00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,000 Kay, quick trick, watch this. 819 00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:58,160 We are gonna put little trails of Vaseline on the contours of our abs, 820 00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:02,080 mist it a little, and that way the light will catch our tans. 821 00:51:04,720 --> 00:51:07,320 H, she says you're completely ingenious, Shelley. 822 00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:09,120 Thank you, Lilly. 823 00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:10,680 /That's the same as vapid, right? 824 00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:13,080 H, /it's better than vapid. 825 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:16,320 - Is that Juicy? - Yeah, I love their stuff. 826 00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:19,760 /It's a shame /nobody'd be able to see it, you know, under my brace. 827 00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:22,000 Well, when can you take the brace off? 828 00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:24,720 2004, actually. 829 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:27,880 Well, /it's a good thing I asked. 830 00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:33,360 No, /I'm so fine. I mean, you know, /it's all indented into me 831 00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:36,440 and, you know, if I took it off, I /wouldn't even know what would possibly happen, 832 00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:39,080 and my spine could be like a noodle. And... 833 00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:41,600 /I'm really good. /I'm good. Thanks. 834 00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:45,120 Come with me. 835 00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:48,520 Joanne, when I was little, I wore a Scooby-Doo mask to school 836 00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:50,960 for a whole month because I thought I was ugly. 837 00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:52,280 - Thanks, guys. - You're welcome. 838 00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,600 And then one day a boy, Howard Rubenstock, 839 00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:57,160 snuck up behind me and tore it off my face. 840 00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:00,200 - Do you know what I realized? - That you were pretty? 841 00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,960 No, that I was wearing it upside down. 842 00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:05,840 /I'm not really sure what you're trying to tell me, Shelley. 843 00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:10,320 /I'm not either. But the point is, you're a butterfly now, not an earthworm. 844 00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:12,440 You /don't need to hide anymore. 845 00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:15,040 So, okay, here he comes. 846 00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:17,960 He runs past here every day, and I've seen you staring at him. 847 00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,000 I can tell that you like him and that you want to talk to him. 848 00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:22,680 /Today's the day. Go invite him to our party. 849 00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:24,200 Go. Go. 850 00:52:29,240 --> 00:52:31,040 Run, Joanne, run! 851 00:52:58,440 --> 00:52:59,560 Hi, Steve. 852 00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:02,720 H, hey, Joanne. How are you? I /didn't know you ran. 853 00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:04,960 Sure, I mean, I do now. 854 00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:06,400 /Where's your brace? 855 00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,320 - /It's gone. - Really? 856 00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,040 Well. 857 00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:18,280 You're pretty pleased with yourself, /aren't you? 858 00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:21,960 H, you scared me. My /heart's pounding like a nail. 859 00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,000 I guess I am a little proud. 860 00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:28,440 Well, /don't get too used to that feeling. 861 00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:31,600 Because /there's no way that /I'm going to let a whorey little tart like you 862 00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:34,360 stand in the way of the Phi lota Mu. 863 00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:37,080 /Don't mess with me. 864 00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:39,440 /Don't mess with Phi lota Mu. 865 00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:49,200 Man! Someone needs a mani-pedi massage combo, pronto. 866 00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:50,360 - Shelley! - H, my... 867 00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:52,800 Steve said /he's gonna come to the Aztec party. 868 00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:54,400 Steve, /he's gonna come. 869 00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:57,120 Yay! This is gonna be so much fun! 870 00:54:14,240 --> 00:54:17,680 - H, my God! H, my God! H, my God! - God! H, my God! 871 00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:19,960 - Yes! - Hey, you guys! Look. 872 00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:21,920 H, Joanne. 873 00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:25,720 I can bend! You guys, I did it, I can bend! 874 00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,120 /"Do you find yourself more attracted to me when /I'm like this, 875 00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:33,840 /"or like this?" 876 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:36,800 - The second one. - Great. 877 00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:39,600 So, "Because you like my boobs, 878 00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:42,920 /"would you stand there and let me go like this 879 00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:47,000 /"for five minutes, just in the hope that we might hook /up?" 880 00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:49,400 Yes. Yes, I would. 881 00:54:52,720 --> 00:54:55,840 Guys! Anybody want some chips? 882 00:54:56,680 --> 00:54:58,280 Yeah, have chips while you party. 883 00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:01,280 Badass party. Badass. 884 00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:05,760 So, Miss December, you got your bikini on under there? Huh? 885 00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:08,640 No, actually, just my fake water... 886 00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:10,360 Natalie, there you are. 887 00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:14,360 H, Bobby and Zach from Kappa are just dying to meet you. 888 00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:17,920 /I'm sorry, Colby, but Natalie is a very hot commodity. 889 00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:21,000 - Excuse us. - Wait. 890 00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:22,880 Wait a second. 891 00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:24,720 - Are we leaving? - Yes. 892 00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:25,880 Why? 893 00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:28,440 I have, like, the /world's hugest crush on him. 894 00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:29,480 So I /don't really... 895 00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:32,320 I know. Then we need to let him see how in demand you are. 896 00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:35,280 Always remember, boys want what other boys want. 897 00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:36,640 Right. 898 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:40,720 Are you Lilly? 899 00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:44,560 /That's a cute costume, Lil. 900 00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:46,960 I was gonna ask you this, because I've been seeing these all over. 901 00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:48,840 I mean, this is an Aztec party, 902 00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:52,040 you know, so those statues /don't really fit, because those are from Easter Island, 903 00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:55,040 which is like 2000 miles away, as you probably know, in Polynesia. 904 00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:59,400 Wait, Natalie. You're too smart. Boys /don't like girls that are too smart. 905 00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:00,640 Right. 906 00:56:00,720 --> 00:56:04,040 Right. God, I hope Colby /didn't hear me say that. 907 00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:07,560 Shelley, you really know all the tricks. 908 00:56:07,640 --> 00:56:09,240 How do you do it, you know? 909 00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,920 I mean, with Colby here and with liver asking you out, 910 00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:15,360 /it's like we might both lose our virginity this year. 911 00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:17,920 Yeah. 912 00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:26,280 /It's supposed to be a mixer. /There's no one here to mix. 913 00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:30,000 They're over there, /aren't they? The Kappas. 914 00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:32,720 Well, they're definitely not here. 915 00:56:32,800 --> 00:56:35,480 I know that, dipswitch. I can see that. 916 00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:41,880 /And now, let the sacrificial rites begin! 917 00:56:45,240 --> 00:56:50,040 /It's time for this virgin /to get sacrificed in the boiling Jell-O lava! 918 00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:53,560 - Sacrifice! Sacrifice! - Sacrifice! Sacrifice! 919 00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:55,760 - Sacrifice! Sacrifice! - Sacrifice! Sacrifice! 920 00:56:55,840 --> 00:57:00,760 /This is Aztec Night, the first of many /awesome Zeta parties to come. 921 00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:02,800 /And for those of you girls /going through rush, 922 00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:06,000 /remember to make Zeta /your number-one choice! 923 00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:12,560 The time is now. 924 00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:45,520 Yeah. 925 00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:50,160 I've never seen anybody get sacrificed before. 926 00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:52,800 That was so hot. 927 00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:56,040 I mean, I /don't know anything about Aztecs, you know? R their culture. 928 00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:59,160 But, I mean, I do know that I had fun. 929 00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:03,440 Yeah. I /don't know anything about them either, so /that's awesome. 930 00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:13,520 What have the Zetas become? 931 00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:15,400 H, my God. 932 00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:16,680 Popular. 933 00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:38,400 Remember, be sexy. 934 00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:41,240 - /He's gonna love your shoes. - Deep breath, take a deep breath. 935 00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:44,240 Kay, okay, /he's here. Kay. 936 00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:50,320 - Hello. - Hello. 937 00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,200 Wow, you look great. 938 00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:54,800 - Thank you. - You ready? 939 00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:03,480 H, my gosh. H, my gosh. H, my God. H, my God. 940 00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:07,080 - Would you mind if we walked? - H, yes, I like to walk. 941 00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:11,400 And /that's not the only thing I like. 942 00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:14,840 No? You have a wide range of interests? 943 00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:19,040 H, yes. A big range. 944 00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:23,760 H, wait here for a second. 945 00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:26,880 I think I dropped some money over here the other day. 946 00:59:26,920 --> 00:59:29,520 I just /don't know wherever could it be. 947 00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:32,440 Maybe /it's over here by this manhole. 948 00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:37,400 /That's fucking hot! 949 00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:43,600 I just went over there to look for my money 950 00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:46,480 which I had dropped the other day. 951 00:59:46,560 --> 00:59:50,280 I think it was a dollar coin, because I heard a clanging. 952 00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:53,680 But anyway, wow. 953 00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:56,640 Who knew steam can be hot? 954 00:59:57,080 --> 00:59:58,640 Yeah, that's... 955 00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:01,200 I wonder what they did when Marilyn Monroe did it. 956 01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:06,280 They probably added soothing botanicals to the steam rising from the manhole. 957 01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:08,000 I like that word. 958 01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:09,560 /"Manhole." 959 01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:13,680 All right. What can I get you guys? 960 01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:19,960 Instead of the mahi-mahi, may I just get the one mahi, 961 01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:22,280 because /I'm not that hungry? 962 01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:24,360 I'll ask. 963 01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:30,000 The chicken piccata for me. Yeah, /that'd be fine. 964 01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:31,680 - Thank you. - Thanks. 965 01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:34,800 /"Piccata." That's another word I like. 966 01:00:35,800 --> 01:00:36,960 Piccata. 967 01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:41,320 - Yeah, it just rolls off the tongue, /doesn't it? - Sounds like "Hotta." 968 01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:42,520 Yeah. 969 01:00:42,880 --> 01:00:45,240 R "the Spanish /Armada." 970 01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:48,920 - I like to rhyme. - Yeah? 971 01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:54,640 ...and StairMaster to tone the buttock area. 972 01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:58,640 /I'd show you, but who really wants to see my butt? 973 01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:05,160 I mean, /it's just a silly old butt with no tan lines. 974 01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:08,280 Yep. 975 01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:12,920 Wow, this was really good food. I hope it /doesn't go straight to my butt. 976 01:01:13,960 --> 01:01:18,240 I mean, I think my butt would still be a pretty good one, though. 977 01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:21,160 Yep. My ass. 978 01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:24,000 H, well, this has been fun, 979 01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:28,520 but we should probably wrap it up, because I've got another date at 11. 980 01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:30,200 Are you serious? 981 01:01:30,280 --> 01:01:33,440 Well, /what's a girl in demand going to do? 982 01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:37,560 Wow. Kay. 983 01:01:37,640 --> 01:01:40,480 Yeah, well, /dinner's on me. 984 01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:44,960 /I'm gonna get going. I /wouldn't want you to keep the other guy waiting. 985 01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:47,800 Wait! 986 01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:50,360 Your biceps are huge! Kiss me. 987 01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:57,320 H, my God. 988 01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:03,320 Yeah, right. 989 01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:05,200 /Shelley's back. 990 01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,840 - /How'd it go? - /How'd it go, Shelley? 991 01:02:09,120 --> 01:02:10,400 Not good. 992 01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:12,280 - What? - Why? 993 01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:14,320 I /don't think he likes me. 994 01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:17,040 He /didn't fall for any of my tricks. 995 01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:20,360 /That's impossible, your tricks always work. 996 01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:24,920 I did sexy, I did "other guys want /me." 997 01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:27,960 You know, I worked every angle in the book. 998 01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,640 But I /don't know, he just stared. 999 01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:34,000 What if liver is one of those guys 1000 01:02:34,080 --> 01:02:37,240 who wants to have, like, a conversation with a girl before he hooks up with her? 1001 01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:38,640 /He's gay? 1002 01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:41,040 No, /he's not gay. 1003 01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:44,760 H, I /don't know. 1004 01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:51,640 /I'm just saying, you know, maybe he wants to talk first. 1005 01:02:51,720 --> 01:02:54,720 What if liver /doesn't mind a smart girl? 1006 01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:57,440 - I know. - Wait. 1007 01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:02,360 So I have to learn things about things and stuff? 1008 01:03:03,240 --> 01:03:04,800 About topics? 1009 01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:09,040 - Can I even do that? - Yeah. You can do that. 1010 01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:11,280 You can do anything you set your mind to, Shelley. 1011 01:04:29,360 --> 01:04:32,120 But you /can't even tell I have boobs. 1012 01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:34,560 Well, /don't you think I should show him a little something? 1013 01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:37,000 Give him a little philanthropy? 1014 01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:40,080 Shelley, good job. You used "philanthropy." That was fun. 1015 01:04:40,160 --> 01:04:43,040 You know what? You're still too sexy. 1016 01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:45,080 Nat, what if she wears your glasses? 1017 01:04:45,160 --> 01:04:47,480 Good idea. Kay, here. 1018 01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,520 Try these. 1019 01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:55,200 H, my God. Natalie, you should really go to an eye doctor. 1020 01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:58,080 /That's actually how I got those glasses. 1021 01:04:58,120 --> 01:04:59,880 So have you called liver yet? 1022 01:04:59,960 --> 01:05:03,200 Yes. He /didn't seem too excited to be going out on a second date, 1023 01:05:03,280 --> 01:05:06,320 but he said yes, so here goes. 1024 01:05:06,400 --> 01:05:09,840 All right. Now remember, just be yourself, only different. 1025 01:05:09,920 --> 01:05:12,240 - /Don't use the word "elucidate." - Pretty much entirely different. 1026 01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:14,120 - You know what /I'm talking about? - Tone down the sexuality. 1027 01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:17,000 Talk about politics and religion. /That's always a really good first-date topic. 1028 01:05:17,040 --> 01:05:19,480 - /Don't stare at him too much. - /Don't brush your teeth. 1029 01:05:19,560 --> 01:05:20,880 - Bye, Shell. - Bye. 1030 01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:24,400 - /Don't forget to call, Shelley. - Say you're nauseous. 1031 01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:29,680 A nuclear nonproliferation treaty should ease tension in Asia. 1032 01:05:29,720 --> 01:05:32,160 Well, /that's my thought. 1033 01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:34,680 - Are you okay? With your... - h, yes. 1034 01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:37,880 These glasses /don't make me dizzy or anything. 1035 01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:40,520 Elucidate on that. 1036 01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:46,000 Well, you seem to know a lot about North Korea and the Middle East. 1037 01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:47,920 It sounds like you really read the paper. 1038 01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:52,240 H, all the time. I am just nuts about the paper. 1039 01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:56,360 So, have you given any thought to who you might be voting for? 1040 01:05:56,440 --> 01:05:58,200 /I'm not sure yet. 1041 01:05:59,160 --> 01:06:03,000 I definitely /won't listen to what Simon says. 1042 01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:04,880 He is just so mean. 1043 01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:08,080 I usually always agree with Paula and Randy. 1044 01:06:10,480 --> 01:06:14,000 H, you meant the President of the United States. 1045 01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:17,560 The United States of America. 1046 01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:20,440 U.S.A. For short. 1047 01:06:20,520 --> 01:06:24,920 Fifty states, if you include Hawaii. Most people do. /I'm definitely pro-Hawaii. 1048 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:26,680 - Excuse me. - H, thank God. 1049 01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:28,440 Can I get you anything else? 1050 01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:30,520 No, I think we're good, thanks. 1051 01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:34,280 Hey, I know where I know you from. 1052 01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:37,480 You were in /Playboy. /"Girls with GEDs," right? 1053 01:06:38,640 --> 01:06:40,120 H, heck, no! 1054 01:06:41,120 --> 01:06:42,160 No! 1055 01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:45,200 Those girls are all boobs and no brains. 1056 01:06:45,280 --> 01:06:49,920 /I'm too busy in a library, reading books with dust on them. 1057 01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:51,080 How... 1058 01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:53,360 Sorry. My mistake, then. Sorry. 1059 01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:54,600 No. 1060 01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:58,600 /Playboy. God. Can you believe it? 1061 01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:02,640 /I'm still hungry, even though we just ate. 1062 01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:05,680 H, my gosh, I /can't believe I did that. 1063 01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:10,640 - Sorry, let me take care of that. - /It's okay. /It's okay. 1064 01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:12,480 Are those index cards? 1065 01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:15,400 No. Index... They're napkins. 1066 01:07:15,480 --> 01:07:18,520 They're not index cards with writing on them. 1067 01:07:19,360 --> 01:07:21,880 Let me get some more napkins. 1068 01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:24,440 /That's okay, really. I think... 1069 01:07:29,720 --> 01:07:31,200 Sweet balls! 1070 01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:35,440 I /can't believe that happened. 1071 01:07:35,520 --> 01:07:38,840 /I'm sorry about all the gravity. 1072 01:07:38,920 --> 01:07:40,640 Are you all right? 1073 01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:51,520 /I'm sorry, liver. 1074 01:07:51,960 --> 01:07:53,320 /I'm sorry. 1075 01:07:54,040 --> 01:07:55,800 I need to go. 1076 01:08:12,880 --> 01:08:15,360 Come on, Puffin, you've been in here for days. 1077 01:08:15,440 --> 01:08:18,640 /Let's watch a movie, it'll make you feel better. 1078 01:08:19,240 --> 01:08:20,960 I /don't get it. 1079 01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:23,520 Why would Shelley just leave? 1080 01:08:23,560 --> 01:08:25,920 /It's for the best. She /wasn't happy. 1081 01:08:25,960 --> 01:08:29,400 I used to hear her crying in her room late at night. 1082 01:08:30,360 --> 01:08:33,200 I think /I'd like to be alone for a bit. 1083 01:08:37,440 --> 01:08:39,400 I could stay with you. 1084 01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:42,400 No, just bring me more ice cream. 1085 01:08:43,480 --> 01:08:45,240 Egg! Paprika! 1086 01:08:46,400 --> 01:08:49,520 Nutmeg! Who cares? Who cares? 1087 01:08:50,440 --> 01:08:52,960 What have I done to poor Shelley? 1088 01:08:55,360 --> 01:08:56,960 You're not gonna tell him, are you? 1089 01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:58,880 No. You can't. 1090 01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:02,920 /I'm gonna be the next Miss November, not that little blonde bitch. 1091 01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:07,040 You found my weakness, used it against me like kryptonite, 1092 01:09:07,120 --> 01:09:09,720 but /that's never gonna happen again. 1093 01:09:10,680 --> 01:09:12,520 /"h, Mr. Hefner..." 1094 01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:16,960 Guys, remember, we only need 30, okay? 1095 01:09:18,360 --> 01:09:19,840 First up, 1096 01:09:20,440 --> 01:09:21,640 Kristen Withers. 1097 01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:23,800 Pre-med, family in Greenwich. 1098 01:09:23,880 --> 01:09:25,320 - Yeah, so cute. - I like. 1099 01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:27,000 Cute, cute. Totally. 1100 01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:28,120 - No doubt. - Very cute. 1101 01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:29,720 - In. - Guys... 1102 01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:32,680 We just made our first pledge acceptance. 1103 01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:38,640 Kay, cool. All right. Next up, Jill Palmer. 1104 01:09:38,720 --> 01:09:43,040 Colorado, theater major... Her father owns, like, half of Aspen. 1105 01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:44,400 - Yes. - Yeah! 1106 01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:54,960 Why am I such a yummy dummy? 1107 01:09:55,040 --> 01:09:56,400 Next one. 1108 01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:01,960 Nancy Nagle. English major from Florida. 1109 01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:03,960 But she does drive a Porsche. 1110 01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:07,360 I just /don't know about this one. I kind of feel like we've created this image. 1111 01:10:07,400 --> 01:10:09,320 I just /don't feel like /she's gonna fit in. 1112 01:10:15,840 --> 01:10:19,240 /I'm just saying, she should have spent the Porsche money on a nose job. 1113 01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:21,800 She said she broke it in a skiing accident last year, and /I'm like, 1114 01:10:21,880 --> 01:10:25,520 /"kay, I'm sure the nose surgeon would take the Porsche as a /trade-in." 1115 01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:27,120 Booya! Snap! 1116 01:10:33,120 --> 01:10:34,160 Hello? 1117 01:10:34,240 --> 01:10:36,120 /Hey, Shelley, it's me. 1118 01:10:36,200 --> 01:10:38,120 - Hef? /- Yeah. 1119 01:10:38,160 --> 01:10:41,320 Hef? H, is this you? H, my gosh. 1120 01:10:41,360 --> 01:10:44,240 How are you? Like, I /can't believe you're calling me. 1121 01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:47,480 How is everybody at the Mansion? How are things? 1122 01:10:47,560 --> 01:10:50,960 /Good news. I'm gonna make you /next month's centerfold. 1123 01:10:51,040 --> 01:10:52,800 You're making me Miss November? 1124 01:10:52,880 --> 01:10:55,040 /- That's right. - H, my gosh. 1125 01:10:55,120 --> 01:10:57,840 Are you totally serious, or is this not Hef? 1126 01:10:57,880 --> 01:11:00,600 If this is Hef, blink once. If it /isn't Hef, blink twice. 1127 01:11:00,680 --> 01:11:02,160 Did you blink? 1128 01:11:03,280 --> 01:11:06,160 /I'm so glad you /haven't changed, Shelley. 1129 01:11:06,240 --> 01:11:08,400 And I want you to move back to the Mansion. 1130 01:11:08,480 --> 01:11:11,240 /It's just not the same without you here. 1131 01:11:12,160 --> 01:11:14,720 Hef, I just /can't believe it. 1132 01:11:14,800 --> 01:11:15,880 /Believe it, baby. 1133 01:11:15,960 --> 01:11:17,840 /Okay, here's what happens. 1134 01:11:17,920 --> 01:11:21,360 /We shoot the pictorial, we'll have you do /a 25-city tour of the United States. 1135 01:11:21,400 --> 01:11:23,600 /And then from there /we're gonna travel Europe, 1136 01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:25,560 /ending with a one-week stay in Monaco. 1137 01:11:25,640 --> 01:11:27,200 /We're gonna coordinate your pictorial 1138 01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:30,320 /with a Playboy Channel documentary /on the life of a centerfold. 1139 01:11:30,400 --> 01:11:33,240 /The exposure's going to be wonderful, /but it doesn't stop there. 1140 01:11:33,280 --> 01:11:35,680 /We're going to pull out all the stops /for this one, Shelley. 1141 01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:37,200 /It's going to be huge. 1142 01:11:37,280 --> 01:11:38,720 Hef? 1143 01:11:38,760 --> 01:11:40,240 /Yeah, baby? 1144 01:11:41,920 --> 01:11:44,200 Hef, /I'm so sorry. 1145 01:11:44,280 --> 01:11:46,760 /I'm so happy that you called me. 1146 01:11:47,800 --> 01:11:49,880 And I love you, but I /don't think I can do it. 1147 01:11:49,960 --> 01:11:52,000 /I can't leave my Zeta girls. 1148 01:11:52,080 --> 01:11:53,360 What? 1149 01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:56,080 /I'm not going anywhere. 1150 01:11:58,160 --> 01:11:59,560 /I'm home. 1151 01:12:03,400 --> 01:12:05,640 Katootoo Jihiman. 1152 01:12:06,400 --> 01:12:09,400 Sociology major from India. Everyone? 1153 01:12:09,480 --> 01:12:11,680 I remember this one. She seems kind of weird. 1154 01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:12,880 I actually got that, too. 1155 01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:15,680 Not like an /"I live in the wall and eat /crickets" kind of weird, 1156 01:12:15,760 --> 01:12:17,240 but just like a little off. 1157 01:12:17,320 --> 01:12:19,720 - Boo to Katootoo. - Next. 1158 01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:23,520 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! 1159 01:12:24,440 --> 01:12:25,480 Lilly? 1160 01:12:25,560 --> 01:12:27,320 Look at you people! 1161 01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:30,240 Honestly, is this really what you've become? 1162 01:12:30,320 --> 01:12:33,880 Judging other girls on their appearance? Calling them weird? 1163 01:12:33,960 --> 01:12:36,480 /I'm sure glad I joined when I did, because honestly, 1164 01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:38,640 I /don't think I would make the cut these days. 1165 01:12:38,720 --> 01:12:40,680 And neither would a lot of you. 1166 01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:44,720 I /can't believe that /Zeta's become just like Phi lota Mu. 1167 01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:47,040 A bunch of snooty bitches! 1168 01:12:48,680 --> 01:12:50,360 Lilly, you talked. 1169 01:12:50,960 --> 01:12:52,680 And you're British? 1170 01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:08,960 Hi, everybody. /I'm home. 1171 01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:12,080 This is all your fault. 1172 01:13:12,160 --> 01:13:14,200 Yeah. You know what, Mona? You're right. 1173 01:13:14,280 --> 01:13:17,560 It all started with this fake hair and your stupid water bras. 1174 01:13:17,640 --> 01:13:20,120 You know what? Before you got here, we were individuals. 1175 01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:22,320 You've turned us all into stupid bimbos. 1176 01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:24,360 - We were fine the way we were. - We look ridiculous. 1177 01:13:24,440 --> 01:13:26,480 - /I'm getting Cs in all my classes. - Why am I looking like this? 1178 01:13:26,560 --> 01:13:28,760 - This /isn't who I am. - I /can't believe you let me do this to myself. 1179 01:13:28,840 --> 01:13:31,320 Guys, stop. Come on, stop, stop. 1180 01:13:31,400 --> 01:13:32,480 Guys. 1181 01:13:35,600 --> 01:13:37,880 I understand, and /I'm sorry. 1182 01:13:39,680 --> 01:13:41,240 So I... 1183 01:13:42,360 --> 01:13:44,360 Thank you guys for everything. 1184 01:13:44,440 --> 01:13:48,400 /I'm gonna go, and I really hope to see you guys in the future. 1185 01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:51,080 Shelley. 1186 01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:03,360 Hi, Hef, /it's Shelley. 1187 01:14:03,400 --> 01:14:05,680 I was just kidding, silly. 1188 01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:09,480 I /can't wait to be back at the Mansion and be a centerfold. 1189 01:14:10,040 --> 01:14:12,640 This is the happiest day of my life. 1190 01:14:14,120 --> 01:14:15,360 /Dear Oliver, 1191 01:14:15,440 --> 01:14:18,080 /I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you /this in person. 1192 01:14:18,160 --> 01:14:21,480 /It was way too embarrassing /to face you after everything. 1193 01:14:21,520 --> 01:14:25,160 /I am leaving the Zeta house /to fulfill my lifelong dream. 1194 01:14:25,880 --> 01:14:30,720 /And I know that what I've decided to do /won't make any sense to you at all, 1195 01:14:30,800 --> 01:14:32,600 /but I have joined the Peace Corps, 1196 01:14:32,680 --> 01:14:36,880 /and I'm going off to work in the mountains /of a country called Peru. 1197 01:14:38,320 --> 01:14:41,040 /I'm going to meet lots of interesting people. 1198 01:14:41,120 --> 01:14:43,440 /I'm sure it'll be very hot where I'm going. 1199 01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:45,200 /And even though it's going to be super-hot, 1200 01:14:45,240 --> 01:14:49,200 /I will be bundled up in clothes, /barely showing any flesh. 1201 01:14:49,280 --> 01:14:51,360 /I only tell you that because /I don't want you to worry 1202 01:14:51,440 --> 01:14:53,560 /about me getting sunburned. 1203 01:14:55,160 --> 01:14:58,880 Hef told me what you did, and I /don't think it was very sisterly of you. 1204 01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:00,840 You are so vapid. 1205 01:15:01,920 --> 01:15:06,520 Actually, /I'm ingenious and philanthropic, and you're a backstabbing bitch. 1206 01:15:08,120 --> 01:15:10,600 - Nice, Shelley. That was awesome. - Shelley! 1207 01:15:10,680 --> 01:15:13,800 /I hope everybody at the old folks' home /is doing great. 1208 01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:17,240 /And as for the Zeta girls, /I'm sure they're doing fine. 1209 01:15:17,320 --> 01:15:21,280 /Oliver, I hope you think of me /every once in a while, and when you do, 1210 01:15:21,360 --> 01:15:23,280 /I hope they are good thoughts. 1211 01:15:23,360 --> 01:15:24,400 Pooter! 1212 01:15:24,480 --> 01:15:26,160 /Love, Shelley. 1213 01:15:27,320 --> 01:15:29,040 There you are. 1214 01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:34,680 So we'll be half Shelley and half who we really are. 1215 01:15:35,600 --> 01:15:37,680 Can we be 60% Shelley? 1216 01:15:37,760 --> 01:15:40,920 I mean, say what you want about her, but the girl had style. 1217 01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:43,800 - What? - "She had /style"? 1218 01:15:44,200 --> 01:15:47,720 She still does. I mean, she just wants to be back at the Playboy Mansion. 1219 01:15:47,800 --> 01:15:50,200 Well, whatever we're gonna be, we need to figure out, you guys. 1220 01:15:50,280 --> 01:15:55,200 We still need 30 pledges by ctober 15th, or we can just kiss it all goodbye. 1221 01:15:55,240 --> 01:15:58,240 Who wants to be a part of something real? Zeta. 1222 01:15:58,320 --> 01:16:00,440 Hi. Zeta. Tell 29 of your friends. 1223 01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:04,720 Listen up, ladies! Zeta was founded on the tenets of sisterhood, 1224 01:16:04,800 --> 01:16:06,640 friendship and philanthropy. 1225 01:16:06,720 --> 01:16:07,800 Here you go. 1226 01:16:07,880 --> 01:16:11,120 Yeah, and since then, we've added some pretty kick-ass parties to the list. 1227 01:16:11,160 --> 01:16:13,040 Yeah, but instead of judging and rejecting, 1228 01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:16,120 we'll put all the pledges we get into a bowl, and we'll draw 30 names out. 1229 01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:18,720 Natalie? /What'd you do to your hair? 1230 01:16:18,800 --> 01:16:21,200 - I could change it back. - Why? 1231 01:16:21,280 --> 01:16:22,800 Everyone gets haircuts. 1232 01:16:22,880 --> 01:16:25,400 People have lots of different styles all over the world. 1233 01:16:25,480 --> 01:16:29,520 In China, they usually tend to layer it, I've noticed. 1234 01:16:29,600 --> 01:16:32,680 This /isn't China, though. So, I just... You know, I could put it back to how it was. 1235 01:16:32,760 --> 01:16:35,400 H, no, no. Why, why, why? You look great. 1236 01:16:36,720 --> 01:16:38,520 - I do? - Yeah. 1237 01:16:38,600 --> 01:16:40,960 Well, I mean, you looked great before, with the hair. 1238 01:16:41,040 --> 01:16:44,440 But, I mean, this feels more you. 1239 01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:47,360 I mean, besides, /it's not like I want you to be my girlfriend 1240 01:16:47,400 --> 01:16:50,320 just because of your hairstyle. So... 1241 01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:52,160 Your girlfriend? 1242 01:16:52,240 --> 01:16:55,360 H, /I'm sorry. I /didn't mean to... 1243 01:16:55,400 --> 01:16:56,520 /It's kind of presumptuous. 1244 01:16:56,600 --> 01:16:59,560 /It's like, "Hey, you wanna be my girlfriend? Sit next to /me." 1245 01:16:59,640 --> 01:17:01,600 No, no. I mean, you /don't want to be my girlfriend. 1246 01:17:01,680 --> 01:17:04,920 You got guys falling from trees for you, and /it's like... 1247 01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:07,760 Here I am, just a goofy dude. 1248 01:17:09,080 --> 01:17:10,600 /"Goofy dude"? 1249 01:17:12,760 --> 01:17:18,120 Colby, I want to be your girlfriend more than an electron wants to attach to a proton. 1250 01:17:19,440 --> 01:17:21,840 - That much? - Yeah. 1251 01:17:26,320 --> 01:17:27,440 Yeah? 1252 01:17:34,840 --> 01:17:36,440 What? What? 1253 01:17:36,520 --> 01:17:39,680 Did I mess that up? Because I can do that so much better. 1254 01:17:40,040 --> 01:17:43,640 No, I was just thanking Shelley. 1255 01:17:44,040 --> 01:17:45,920 H. Thank you, Shelley. 1256 01:17:54,520 --> 01:17:56,960 Kay, guys. Close your eyes. 1257 01:18:02,360 --> 01:18:05,080 This is it. We're gonna keep the Zeta house. 1258 01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:08,480 - H, my gosh. - Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! 1259 01:18:08,560 --> 01:18:09,800 Lilly, go mail the bids. 1260 01:18:18,120 --> 01:18:19,200 Hi. 1261 01:18:19,920 --> 01:18:21,480 Are you new on campus? 1262 01:18:21,560 --> 01:18:23,320 I /don't think we've ever met. 1263 01:18:23,400 --> 01:18:25,520 /I'm Cole. Cole Trickle. 1264 01:18:28,160 --> 01:18:30,960 Yes. Yes, I just transferred. 1265 01:18:32,120 --> 01:18:33,920 My name is Lilly. 1266 01:18:35,360 --> 01:18:36,680 - Hi. - Hi. 1267 01:18:37,560 --> 01:18:39,720 That girl over there just dropped these on the floor, 1268 01:18:39,800 --> 01:18:42,120 and /she's really into that guy. 1269 01:18:42,200 --> 01:18:44,520 - And I /don't want to interrupt her. - Kay. 1270 01:18:44,600 --> 01:18:46,760 - Can you mail these out for her? - Sure thing. 1271 01:18:46,840 --> 01:18:48,360 Thank you. 1272 01:18:48,440 --> 01:18:51,640 You should totally mail me your number sometime. 1273 01:18:51,720 --> 01:18:53,240 Kay. 1274 01:18:53,320 --> 01:18:56,200 Just give it to me. I have a great memory. 1275 01:18:56,760 --> 01:18:58,320 Where are my envelopes? 1276 01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:02,200 H, you dropped them, but I got it, and they're gonna be mailed right out. 1277 01:19:02,280 --> 01:19:04,520 H, thank you so much. 1278 01:19:04,600 --> 01:19:08,760 - Kay, my /number's 7-6... - Anyways, it was great meeting you, Nelly. 1279 01:19:09,440 --> 01:19:11,800 H, but my name is Lilly, actually. 1280 01:19:11,840 --> 01:19:13,440 Yeah, whatever. 1281 01:19:14,440 --> 01:19:15,680 Bye. 1282 01:19:17,880 --> 01:19:19,720 Now can I see your pizzanties? 1283 01:19:19,800 --> 01:19:20,880 No. 1284 01:19:32,280 --> 01:19:33,560 I /don't get it. 1285 01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:35,920 Why /didn't anyone show up? 1286 01:19:37,400 --> 01:19:40,040 You guys, come here and look at this. 1287 01:19:44,960 --> 01:19:48,080 /I'm Ashley. Come on in. Nice to meet you guys. 1288 01:19:52,320 --> 01:19:54,600 You did send out the invitations, /didn't you? 1289 01:19:54,680 --> 01:19:55,920 Yes. 1290 01:19:56,920 --> 01:19:58,480 But there was this boy there. 1291 01:19:58,560 --> 01:20:01,040 And I never talked to a boy before. You know? 1292 01:20:01,120 --> 01:20:03,680 And he distracted me. Just for a minute. 1293 01:20:03,760 --> 01:20:06,080 And then I saw him talking to Ashley. 1294 01:20:06,160 --> 01:20:09,120 And they knew each other. I could tell by the way that they talked, and... 1295 01:20:09,160 --> 01:20:10,400 And... 1296 01:20:12,520 --> 01:20:13,920 /I'm sorry. 1297 01:20:25,880 --> 01:20:27,880 /People, all right. That's enough. Let's go. 1298 01:20:27,920 --> 01:20:30,880 /We're done. We're shooting Miss November, /not Miss December. Let's do this. 1299 01:20:30,960 --> 01:20:33,600 /Give me the fog. Wind, let's go. /Music, let's go. 1300 01:20:33,680 --> 01:20:37,280 /Let's shoot this. Miss November. /Immortality! Let's go! 1301 01:20:38,080 --> 01:20:40,800 /All right, here we go. It's Shelley time. /Come on, Shelley, it's so hot. 1302 01:20:40,880 --> 01:20:43,520 /Oh, yeah. Sexy. /Sell it, Shelley. Oh, my gosh. 1303 01:20:43,600 --> 01:20:45,360 /You're gorgeous, Shelley. So hot! 1304 01:20:45,440 --> 01:20:47,920 /Come on, work it, Shelley! /Come on, let's see some... 1305 01:20:48,000 --> 01:20:49,040 /Shelley? 1306 01:20:49,120 --> 01:20:51,880 /Stop. Stop the fog, Dave. /Barry, hold the wind, please. 1307 01:20:51,960 --> 01:20:54,760 /What's wrong, babe? /You okay? You sad? Sad monkey? 1308 01:20:54,840 --> 01:20:56,640 I /don't think /I'm your Miss November. 1309 01:20:56,680 --> 01:20:58,040 /What? 1310 01:20:59,480 --> 01:21:00,920 /I'm sorry. 1311 01:21:02,720 --> 01:21:05,840 /Shelley, wait. Shelley. /Shelley, come on. Shelley... 1312 01:21:05,920 --> 01:21:07,800 /Is she serious? 1313 01:21:07,880 --> 01:21:09,880 /Shelley! Shell-monkey! 1314 01:21:09,920 --> 01:21:12,480 /Should we take a shower /and talk about it? Shelley! 1315 01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:21,120 Natalie? 1316 01:21:21,200 --> 01:21:24,280 H, my gosh. How did you find me? 1317 01:21:24,360 --> 01:21:27,560 H, just... A little bird told me. 1318 01:21:27,640 --> 01:21:29,200 What bird? 1319 01:21:29,240 --> 01:21:31,760 Marvin called us. I thought... 1320 01:21:31,840 --> 01:21:33,440 We /didn't think you liked us anymore. 1321 01:21:33,520 --> 01:21:36,960 H, my gosh, no. I've missed you so much. 1322 01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:39,520 H, hi, girls. H, my gosh. 1323 01:21:39,560 --> 01:21:41,480 You guys look beautiful! 1324 01:21:41,520 --> 01:21:43,920 H, I've missed you guys so much. 1325 01:21:43,960 --> 01:21:45,800 You're the best housemother /anyone's ever had. 1326 01:21:45,880 --> 01:21:48,080 /I'm really sorry for what I said to you. 1327 01:21:48,160 --> 01:21:49,680 I know. We really miss you, Shelley. 1328 01:21:49,760 --> 01:21:51,080 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1329 01:21:51,200 --> 01:21:54,720 So, /how'd the rest of rush go? Did you guys get your pledges? 1330 01:21:54,800 --> 01:21:58,160 Zeta had a ton of people interested, /don't get me wrong. Thanks to you. 1331 01:21:58,240 --> 01:22:01,360 But nobody showed up because Ashley stole all of our bids. 1332 01:22:01,440 --> 01:22:04,080 No. So the house is gone? 1333 01:22:04,160 --> 01:22:05,440 They'll make it official today 1334 01:22:05,520 --> 01:22:08,240 at the Panhellenic Council meeting this afternoon. 1335 01:22:08,320 --> 01:22:10,120 So /there's still a chance. 1336 01:22:10,200 --> 01:22:11,240 Shelley, /it's too late. 1337 01:22:11,320 --> 01:22:13,720 I mean, I /don't think /there's anything that we can do. 1338 01:22:13,800 --> 01:22:16,920 Natalie! Together we can do anything! 1339 01:22:18,200 --> 01:22:20,920 /Today's meeting is tinged with sadness. 1340 01:22:21,400 --> 01:22:26,040 /Unfortunately, not all of us will be /returning next year. 1341 01:22:26,920 --> 01:22:31,960 /Yes, that's true. So with that said, /that brings us to our last order of business. 1342 01:22:33,960 --> 01:22:35,280 Stop! 1343 01:22:35,360 --> 01:22:36,520 H, dear. 1344 01:22:36,600 --> 01:22:38,680 We're here to save our house. 1345 01:22:38,760 --> 01:22:42,400 I /don't know how this big meeting stuff works, but I just... 1346 01:22:42,480 --> 01:22:44,000 /Enough with the freak show. 1347 01:22:44,080 --> 01:22:47,960 /What I was saying, /before I was so rudely interrupted, is that... 1348 01:22:48,040 --> 01:22:50,040 Hold on! Wait. 1349 01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:55,280 I have something to say. 1350 01:23:02,920 --> 01:23:05,320 Shelley, say something. 1351 01:23:05,400 --> 01:23:07,120 /I'm allergic to erythromycin. 1352 01:23:07,200 --> 01:23:11,240 /Oh, for God's sake, Dean Simmons. /Enough is enough. Do something. 1353 01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:15,480 /Shelley? The council has come here today /to really finalize this, so... 1354 01:23:15,560 --> 01:23:20,080 No! No! This is germane to our predicament. 1355 01:23:20,120 --> 01:23:24,560 /Oh, well, as long as it's germane. /Please continue. 1356 01:23:24,600 --> 01:23:26,600 Just give her a minute. 1357 01:23:28,480 --> 01:23:31,360 /I'm allergic to erythromycin. 1358 01:23:32,720 --> 01:23:36,920 I took it once when I had a cold. I was 16, and it gave me itching. 1359 01:23:37,640 --> 01:23:41,840 I mean, everything itched. My legs, my arms, my earlobes. 1360 01:23:41,920 --> 01:23:45,080 And other stuff, too, but I /can't say, because /I'm live on the air right now, 1361 01:23:45,160 --> 01:23:47,560 and you /can't say "ass /cheeks," right? 1362 01:23:47,640 --> 01:23:49,120 /You just did. 1363 01:23:49,840 --> 01:23:52,640 But I said it kind of quietly, I think. 1364 01:23:54,680 --> 01:23:59,720 But besides the itching, the erythromycin also made my skin glow. 1365 01:24:00,720 --> 01:24:03,480 It gave me, like, this glowing tan. 1366 01:24:03,560 --> 01:24:06,400 And I suddenly felt like another person. 1367 01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:08,440 Different. 1368 01:24:09,200 --> 01:24:10,520 Better. 1369 01:24:11,240 --> 01:24:13,560 Prettier, I guess. 1370 01:24:13,640 --> 01:24:16,200 - /What's your name? - Michelle. 1371 01:24:17,000 --> 01:24:18,120 Michelle. 1372 01:24:18,240 --> 01:24:20,960 Michelle, do you know that feeling that /I'm talking about? 1373 01:24:21,040 --> 01:24:22,240 Where you suddenly feel pretty 1374 01:24:22,280 --> 01:24:24,920 and, next thing you know, you feel better about yourself? 1375 01:24:25,000 --> 01:24:27,400 Well, that was what was happening to me. 1376 01:24:27,480 --> 01:24:30,720 My allergic reaction made me feel pretty, 1377 01:24:30,800 --> 01:24:35,640 and so I ignored all the bad side effects, because suddenly people were talking to me 1378 01:24:35,720 --> 01:24:37,560 and they were noticing me. 1379 01:24:37,640 --> 01:24:40,760 And even though I was itching like crazy, 1380 01:24:40,800 --> 01:24:43,600 it was worth it to feel accepted. 1381 01:24:44,600 --> 01:24:48,840 And so I /couldn't wait to get a cold so I could take my erythromycin. 1382 01:24:51,440 --> 01:24:56,240 But underneath that beautiful, glowing skin, I still had that cold. 1383 01:24:57,880 --> 01:25:00,320 Well, /that's a meteor. 1384 01:25:01,360 --> 01:25:03,320 /The word is "Metaphor." 1385 01:25:04,360 --> 01:25:06,520 /Can you really be that dumb? 1386 01:25:07,280 --> 01:25:09,200 /She's not dumb. 1387 01:25:09,960 --> 01:25:11,720 Thank you, Natalie. 1388 01:25:13,640 --> 01:25:16,840 And, Mrs. Hagstrom, I meant "Meteor." 1389 01:25:18,040 --> 01:25:21,600 It flashes by and burns bright, but then it disappears. 1390 01:25:22,640 --> 01:25:25,520 And that was what was happening to me. 1391 01:25:25,600 --> 01:25:28,040 The real me just disappeared. 1392 01:25:29,560 --> 01:25:31,560 /Is anyone buying this? 1393 01:25:32,600 --> 01:25:34,960 I am not an expert speech-giver. 1394 01:25:36,360 --> 01:25:40,040 But I do know that one day, when your looks are gone, 1395 01:25:40,120 --> 01:25:43,720 if everything you have is based on looks, well, then you've got nothing. 1396 01:25:43,760 --> 01:25:47,000 You need your friends and your family by your side, 1397 01:25:47,080 --> 01:25:50,880 to love you for who you are, not what you look like. 1398 01:25:50,960 --> 01:25:54,720 At the Zeta house, our new motto is, /"Be who you are." 1399 01:25:54,800 --> 01:25:56,720 Because we're a family. 1400 01:25:57,360 --> 01:26:01,160 We're a family that loves you on the inside. 1401 01:26:02,360 --> 01:26:07,560 So we need you to stand forward and be a part of that family. 1402 01:26:08,400 --> 01:26:13,000 We need 30 people right now to stand forward and pledge Zeta! 1403 01:26:13,080 --> 01:26:16,480 Hey, honey! You had me at "itchy ass /cheeks." I'm in. 1404 01:26:16,560 --> 01:26:18,520 Me too! Me too! 1405 01:26:18,600 --> 01:26:19,880 Me too! 1406 01:26:20,880 --> 01:26:22,440 - I'll be a Zeta! - Me, too! 1407 01:26:22,520 --> 01:26:24,320 - Me, too. - I'll pledge! 1408 01:26:24,400 --> 01:26:27,960 - Six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11! - Me, too! 1409 01:26:28,040 --> 01:26:30,880 - I'll pledge! - Twelve! Thirteen! Come on, we need 30. 1410 01:26:30,960 --> 01:26:32,440 - I'll do it! - Fourteen. 1411 01:26:32,480 --> 01:26:34,720 - Get your hand down. - Fifteen. Sixteen. 1412 01:26:34,800 --> 01:26:37,760 Seventeen, 18, 19, 20. Excellent! Twenty-one! 1413 01:26:37,840 --> 01:26:40,720 - Twenty-two. Twenty-three. Come on! - I'll be in Zeta! 1414 01:26:40,760 --> 01:26:42,800 - Twenty-four, 25. - Up here! Pick me! 1415 01:26:42,880 --> 01:26:45,000 Twenty-six, on top. Thank you. Twenty-seven. 1416 01:26:45,080 --> 01:26:47,440 New pledger, right there. Come on, two more! 1417 01:26:47,520 --> 01:26:49,120 Twenty-eight, 29! 1418 01:26:49,160 --> 01:26:51,400 Ne more. Just need one more. Come on, everybody. 1419 01:26:51,480 --> 01:26:55,040 Ne more. Ne more. Get your hand up. Come on! Be a Zeta. 1420 01:26:55,120 --> 01:26:56,400 Come on! 1421 01:26:56,480 --> 01:26:59,800 Come on! Come on, one more! Just need one more Zeta. 1422 01:26:59,840 --> 01:27:01,880 Ne more, one more. Come on! 1423 01:27:01,960 --> 01:27:04,360 Pound the gavel! Why are you dragging this out? 1424 01:27:04,440 --> 01:27:05,840 /There's nobody else! /It's over. 1425 01:27:05,880 --> 01:27:08,400 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha on you, Zetas. 1426 01:27:11,240 --> 01:27:12,640 Wait! 1427 01:27:13,680 --> 01:27:15,760 /There's one more new Zeta! 1428 01:27:25,120 --> 01:27:26,600 No. Sorry. 1429 01:27:27,360 --> 01:27:30,760 /Can't be a baby pledging a sorority. You gotta be a student. 1430 01:27:30,840 --> 01:27:32,120 /That's right! 1431 01:27:32,200 --> 01:27:35,280 Rules are rules. H, well. Bye-bye. 1432 01:27:35,360 --> 01:27:37,480 Time to pound that gavel. Meeting adjourned. 1433 01:27:37,560 --> 01:27:40,400 Dunzo. Pound that gavel, Dean. 1434 01:27:40,480 --> 01:27:44,000 /I'm really very sorry, girls. I know how hard you've worked for this. 1435 01:27:44,080 --> 01:27:46,040 It hurts me to do this, but I... 1436 01:27:46,120 --> 01:27:49,360 Stop! I would like to pledge Zeta. 1437 01:27:49,960 --> 01:27:51,200 What? 1438 01:27:51,280 --> 01:27:53,760 I like everything that Shelley said. 1439 01:27:53,840 --> 01:27:55,920 Are you out of your mind? 1440 01:27:57,160 --> 01:28:01,600 And, God, do you know how sick to death I am of you? 1441 01:28:01,680 --> 01:28:03,760 F Phi lota Mu? 1442 01:28:03,840 --> 01:28:06,240 I've been in Phi lota Mu hell! 1443 01:28:06,320 --> 01:28:08,320 I want to be a Zeta. 1444 01:28:11,880 --> 01:28:13,120 No! 1445 01:28:19,200 --> 01:28:21,520 Kay, so Zetas keep their house. 1446 01:28:21,560 --> 01:28:23,280 Meeting adjourned. 1447 01:28:23,920 --> 01:28:26,880 Now, go study something. 1448 01:28:31,120 --> 01:28:33,040 What are we supposed to do now? 1449 01:28:33,120 --> 01:28:34,920 /Let's start with this. 1450 01:28:43,480 --> 01:28:45,800 H, I love my weird home. 1451 01:28:45,880 --> 01:28:47,080 Things that I like! 1452 01:28:47,160 --> 01:28:49,840 Ttoman! H, I love you, ottoman. 1453 01:28:50,560 --> 01:28:53,080 - This house is so nice! - I know. 1454 01:28:53,160 --> 01:28:55,200 I mean, so cool. 1455 01:28:55,280 --> 01:28:58,280 - Hey, do you want me to show you upstairs? - Yes! Show me, show me, show me. 1456 01:28:58,360 --> 01:29:00,040 This is so great. 1457 01:29:00,120 --> 01:29:02,720 Everything worked out so perfectly. 1458 01:29:03,760 --> 01:29:06,320 Well, not perfectly. 1459 01:29:06,400 --> 01:29:11,400 I mean, I messed up things with liver because I moved to Peru and left him a note. 1460 01:29:11,480 --> 01:29:14,280 Well, Shelley, you /didn't really move to Peru. 1461 01:29:14,360 --> 01:29:16,600 I know that, but he doesn't. 1462 01:29:18,960 --> 01:29:20,320 Liver. 1463 01:29:22,080 --> 01:29:26,800 I was literally just talking about you. How did you know that I got back? 1464 01:29:27,800 --> 01:29:30,480 /Let's just say a little bird told me. 1465 01:29:31,760 --> 01:29:34,160 I gotta meet this /frickin' bird! 1466 01:29:35,440 --> 01:29:37,040 /It's me, Shell. 1467 01:29:37,840 --> 01:29:40,800 /I'm the bird. I called liver. 1468 01:29:42,920 --> 01:29:44,320 Thank you. 1469 01:29:44,920 --> 01:29:47,800 /It's so great to have such nice friends. 1470 01:29:50,080 --> 01:29:54,000 And, liver, I have to admit, I never went to Peru. 1471 01:29:54,080 --> 01:29:56,360 - I know. - Thank you. 1472 01:29:56,440 --> 01:29:58,040 You're welcome. 1473 01:29:58,680 --> 01:30:00,640 And I was in /Playboy. 1474 01:30:00,720 --> 01:30:03,600 I know that, too. And I /don't care. 1475 01:30:05,200 --> 01:30:07,520 I would like to try this again. 1476 01:30:07,560 --> 01:30:12,040 Except this time, no manhole covers or bubble gum. 1477 01:30:12,840 --> 01:30:16,080 You know, just see where this goes. 1478 01:30:16,640 --> 01:30:17,800 Yes. 1479 01:30:18,680 --> 01:30:21,040 - /I'd like that. - Great. 1480 01:30:23,840 --> 01:30:25,320 Liver. 1481 01:30:25,400 --> 01:30:26,680 Liver. 1482 01:30:27,520 --> 01:30:30,720 - /I'm Shelley. - Nice to meet you again, Shelley. 1483 01:30:32,080 --> 01:30:35,120 /Dear Hef, everything worked out! 1484 01:30:35,200 --> 01:30:38,640 /We got 30 new Zeta sisters, /and the house was saved. 1485 01:30:40,240 --> 01:30:42,720 /And Oliver and I started dating again. 1486 01:30:42,760 --> 01:30:45,680 /Oliver is kind and sweet and when we kiss, 1487 01:30:45,760 --> 01:30:48,360 /I see stars and he sees fireworks. 1488 01:30:48,440 --> 01:30:50,720 /And he says that means that we're in love, /and he's right! 1489 01:30:50,800 --> 01:30:52,240 /Because otherwise, when we kiss 1490 01:30:52,280 --> 01:30:55,240 /we'd see stuff like pencils /and empty ketchup bottles. 1491 01:30:55,320 --> 01:30:58,800 /Oh, and the Zetas decided to throw /a big party in my honor, 1492 01:30:58,880 --> 01:31:01,000 /and I felt just like that girl /from the storybook. 1493 01:31:01,080 --> 01:31:02,880 /You know the one. What's her name? 1494 01:31:02,960 --> 01:31:05,120 /Oh, yeah. Cinderella. 1495 01:31:16,680 --> 01:31:18,920 /Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at? 1496 01:31:19,000 --> 01:31:21,280 /Where my, where my... /Where my Zetas at? 1497 01:31:21,360 --> 01:31:23,600 /Hands up now 1498 01:31:23,640 --> 01:31:25,280 /Push it up now 1499 01:31:26,480 --> 01:31:28,760 /I know what boys like 1500 01:31:28,840 --> 01:31:31,040 /Cute smiles and heels high 1501 01:31:31,080 --> 01:31:33,360 /I tempt the hello 1502 01:31:33,440 --> 01:31:35,600 /While I say bye-bye 1503 01:31:35,680 --> 01:31:37,880 /I know they want me 1504 01:31:38,000 --> 01:31:40,240 /They try to fake it 1505 01:31:40,320 --> 01:31:42,560 /But they just end up 1506 01:31:42,640 --> 01:31:44,640 /Intimidated! 1507 01:31:47,760 --> 01:31:50,080 /It ain't that hard to see 1508 01:31:50,160 --> 01:31:52,040 /I know you're feelin' me 1509 01:31:52,120 --> 01:31:53,840 /I know what I want 1510 01:31:53,920 --> 01:31:56,200 /If I think you'll give me 1511 01:31:56,240 --> 01:31:58,360 /I might let you 1512 01:31:58,440 --> 01:32:00,840 /Unconditionally, yeah 1513 01:32:00,880 --> 01:32:03,080 /I might let you 1514 01:32:03,160 --> 01:32:05,360 /If you're on my level 1515 01:32:05,440 --> 01:32:07,240 /I might let you 1516 01:32:07,280 --> 01:32:10,000 /And, baby, if I think you're special 1517 01:32:10,080 --> 01:32:12,040 /I might let you! 1518 01:32:12,120 --> 01:32:14,280 /Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at? 1519 01:32:14,360 --> 01:32:16,880 /Where my, where my... /Where my Zetas at? 1520 01:32:16,960 --> 01:32:19,120 /That's what they want, want 1521 01:32:19,200 --> 01:32:21,200 /That's what they want, want 1522 01:32:21,280 --> 01:32:25,760 /Now every time I come up in the spot /I'm with my Zetas 1523 01:32:25,840 --> 01:32:30,160 /A peace sign to the fellas /And reverse it for the hatas 1524 01:32:30,240 --> 01:32:32,440 /Slickity-slick Bam-boom-wow 1525 01:32:32,520 --> 01:32:34,840 /Look at how hot my ladies are now 1526 01:32:34,920 --> 01:32:37,120 /We ain't messin' with you fools 1527 01:32:37,200 --> 01:32:39,720 /We ain't playin' with you clowns 1528 01:32:39,800 --> 01:32:42,040 /Now this blonde babe is the one to thank 1529 01:32:42,080 --> 01:32:44,440 /Helped us rise to the top of the social ranks 1530 01:32:44,520 --> 01:32:46,600 /The lost little bunny /changed us for the better 1531 01:32:46,680 --> 01:32:49,120 /Now she's part of the Zeta family forever 1532 01:32:49,200 --> 01:32:51,480 /Back, back... /Back it on up 1533 01:32:51,560 --> 01:32:53,880 /Back it a-back it a-back /Back it on up 1534 01:32:53,960 --> 01:32:56,160 /Back, back... /Back it on up 1535 01:32:56,240 --> 01:32:58,680 /Now I realize that 1536 01:32:58,760 --> 01:33:01,040 /I know what boys like 1537 01:33:01,120 --> 01:33:03,360 /I know what guys want 1538 01:33:03,440 --> 01:33:05,640 /I know what boys like 1539 01:33:05,760 --> 01:33:08,000 /I got what boys like 1540 01:33:08,080 --> 01:33:10,200 /I know what boys like 1541 01:33:10,280 --> 01:33:12,600 /I know what guys want 1542 01:33:12,680 --> 01:33:14,800 /I know what boys like 1543 01:33:14,880 --> 01:33:17,040 /I know what I want