1 00:00:36,628 --> 00:00:38,545 [RUMBLING] 2 00:02:10,554 --> 00:02:12,555 [BEEPING] 3 00:02:19,563 --> 00:02:21,105 [CAMERA SHUTTER WHIRRING AND CLICKING] 4 00:02:35,954 --> 00:02:37,955 [PEOPLE CHATTERING] 5 00:05:07,813 --> 00:05:11,232 I have a package from the nat-sat printing room. 6 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,359 Say it a little louder. 7 00:05:13,569 --> 00:05:16,196 Open the window. Shout it to Moscow. 8 00:05:16,405 --> 00:05:17,447 Sorry. I... 9 00:05:17,615 --> 00:05:20,283 It's not your fault you're stupid. 10 00:05:21,744 --> 00:05:24,787 - Open it and get out. - It's chained to my wrist. 11 00:05:24,997 --> 00:05:26,789 Security has the key. 12 00:05:29,668 --> 00:05:33,963 Leave the material, take the case, and wait outside. 13 00:05:34,548 --> 00:05:37,926 No can do, sir. The material's locked inside. 14 00:05:38,093 --> 00:05:40,386 Just give it to me. 15 00:05:49,103 --> 00:05:50,395 Get in the closet. 16 00:06:10,124 --> 00:06:12,793 Hi-weather transmitted this an hour ago. 17 00:06:13,002 --> 00:06:15,337 KEYES: Beautiful close-ups! 18 00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:17,965 Miegs and Sline will drool. 19 00:06:18,132 --> 00:06:21,635 They're late again. Unusual for soldiers. 20 00:06:21,803 --> 00:06:23,804 They know what they're doing. 21 00:06:28,017 --> 00:06:30,727 - Gentlemen. - Here they are. 22 00:06:31,854 --> 00:06:35,774 - Are those from the latest fly-by? RUBY: Over here, general. 23 00:06:40,238 --> 00:06:43,532 Wait. Is someone in this closet? 24 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:46,577 - Ignore him. - He's one of our couriers. 25 00:06:47,036 --> 00:06:48,245 Oh. 26 00:06:48,413 --> 00:06:49,830 Okay. 27 00:06:50,331 --> 00:06:54,459 Nice close-ups. Definitely approaching full-go hour. 28 00:06:57,171 --> 00:07:00,882 I greased the House Committee for covert appropriations. 29 00:07:01,092 --> 00:07:04,011 They think the funds are for more stealth bombers. 30 00:07:05,096 --> 00:07:08,890 We've selected two GLG-20s. They're the best men we have. 31 00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:11,101 The last two were the best men we had. 32 00:07:11,269 --> 00:07:13,854 Now they're the two best dead men we have. 33 00:07:14,647 --> 00:07:17,858 I'm convinced there's a security leak in your training program. 34 00:07:18,026 --> 00:07:22,613 - We could bypass training. - No. They'll go through training. 35 00:07:22,822 --> 00:07:25,115 But with four other GLG-20s... 36 00:07:25,325 --> 00:07:28,702 ...two who are responsible for the project and two who are... 37 00:07:29,203 --> 00:07:30,871 ...disposable. 38 00:07:31,039 --> 00:07:34,082 Are you suggesting we assign this job to inferior personnel? 39 00:07:34,292 --> 00:07:37,461 No, I understand. Two teams. 40 00:07:37,670 --> 00:07:41,882 One to do the job, the other to be a diversion. 41 00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:45,843 - You mean decoys? Targets? - Exactly. 42 00:07:46,053 --> 00:07:50,890 GLG-20s don't grow exactly on trees. I'd hate to waste two as targets. 43 00:07:51,141 --> 00:07:54,894 I'm sure you can find a couple of men you won't mind wasting. 44 00:08:36,395 --> 00:08:38,396 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 45 00:08:51,952 --> 00:08:53,285 What? 46 00:08:53,787 --> 00:08:55,788 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 47 00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:02,169 - What? - Aren't you taking this test tomorrow? 48 00:09:02,796 --> 00:09:06,424 - The Foreign Service Board? Yeah. - Don't you have to study? 49 00:09:07,175 --> 00:09:10,970 No. Are you kidding? I know the FSB exam backwards. 50 00:09:11,179 --> 00:09:15,516 - I've taken it three times already. - It's supposed to be all different this year. 51 00:09:15,726 --> 00:09:19,979 - Five hundred questions in two hours. - Let me see the booklet. 52 00:09:23,483 --> 00:09:27,236 Look at these samples. All multiple choice. It's easy. 53 00:09:29,573 --> 00:09:30,656 Here. 54 00:09:30,866 --> 00:09:35,453 "If discovered appropriating classified documents at a foreign consulate reception... 55 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:38,497 ...you should A, express concern. 56 00:09:38,707 --> 00:09:40,875 B, act surprised. 57 00:09:41,084 --> 00:09:42,668 C, deny everything... 58 00:09:42,836 --> 00:09:46,838 ...and D, all three." The answer is D, all three. 59 00:09:47,256 --> 00:09:48,465 Common sense. 60 00:09:48,674 --> 00:09:51,301 I guess you don't want advancement bad enough. 61 00:09:52,470 --> 00:09:55,847 My granddad was an envoy. My dad was an envoy. 62 00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:58,725 I was born into the trade. 63 00:09:59,351 --> 00:10:03,438 Besides, I've arranged for an intimate lunch with our supervisor. 64 00:10:04,315 --> 00:10:06,357 Fitz, you have to take the test. 65 00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:09,444 I'm very hurt that's why you invited me over here today. 66 00:10:09,695 --> 00:10:12,113 Don't do that, Alice. 67 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:17,118 I'm sorry, I'm not myself today. I saw my neurologist this morning. 68 00:10:17,328 --> 00:10:20,497 You're not gonna give me some bullshit that you're dying, are you? 69 00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:22,540 No... 70 00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:24,709 ...not now. 71 00:11:00,162 --> 00:11:03,164 [PETER AYKROYD'S "ROCK THE HOUSE DOWN" PLAYING OVER STEREO] 72 00:11:10,923 --> 00:11:12,131 OFFICER: Millbarge. 73 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:15,760 [TURNS MUSIC OFF] 74 00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:19,722 - Where's the brain for the Scramjam 7000? - Procurement picked it up over an hour ago. 75 00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:20,932 Was it fixed? 76 00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:23,059 Yeah, new voice scramblers and everything. 77 00:11:23,227 --> 00:11:26,396 Huh. What about that Chinese radio chatter? 78 00:11:26,605 --> 00:11:27,605 It's done. 79 00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:32,026 - Here you go. - Done? 80 00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:37,240 It was a static-filled, triple-scrambled microwave transmission... 81 00:11:37,408 --> 00:11:39,784 ...between two soldiers talking in Mandarin Chinese. 82 00:11:39,952 --> 00:11:43,580 The Chinese were only using a simple polyphonetically grouped 20-digit key... 83 00:11:43,747 --> 00:11:46,874 ...transposed in boustrophendonic form with multiple nulls. 84 00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:48,584 I broke it with this. 85 00:11:49,919 --> 00:11:51,628 A Drogan's decoder wheel? 86 00:11:51,796 --> 00:11:54,464 They put these in cereal boxes for kids. 87 00:11:54,674 --> 00:11:58,343 Yeah, I found it in a box of Lucky Charms. 88 00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:02,973 - Break it down again with the machines! - I already did. 89 00:12:06,644 --> 00:12:09,104 Then clean up the desk! 90 00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:17,321 Good. That's much better. 91 00:12:17,989 --> 00:12:20,824 By the way, good luck on the test tomorrow. 92 00:12:21,326 --> 00:12:25,370 - What test? - Foreign Service Board exams. Good luck. 93 00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:28,832 Foreign Service Boards, tomorrow? I can't take that test tomorrow. 94 00:12:29,042 --> 00:12:30,834 I haven't studied. I'm not prepared. 95 00:12:31,502 --> 00:12:33,754 You were bumped up on the list. 96 00:12:33,963 --> 00:12:38,425 You're scheduled for tomorrow morning. I'm sure I told you. 97 00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:41,595 This is dated two weeks ago. 98 00:12:42,013 --> 00:12:43,889 You planned this. 99 00:12:44,098 --> 00:12:46,767 You want me to fail that test so you can keep me... 100 00:12:46,935 --> 00:12:50,020 ...down here in the center of the earth doing your work for you. 101 00:12:50,229 --> 00:12:51,980 Watch your mouth, mister. 102 00:12:52,190 --> 00:12:55,734 This department's laying off civilians left and right. 103 00:12:58,446 --> 00:13:02,366 - Where you going? - Home. To study. 104 00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:07,037 Ha. One night studying for a grade-19 FSB exam? 105 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,831 - Good luck. - Listen, captain. 106 00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:14,044 I'm going to pass that exam, and I'm going to get out of this hole... 107 00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:17,547 ...and do some really important work for national security. 108 00:13:17,715 --> 00:13:19,216 Yeah, sure. 109 00:13:19,717 --> 00:13:23,679 I was going to do your family a favor and hook up the Disney Channel... 110 00:13:23,888 --> 00:13:27,057 ...for free. Well, forget it. 111 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:30,894 Ladies and gentlemen... 112 00:13:31,062 --> 00:13:34,481 ...as of this afternoon, the undersecretary for South American affairs... 113 00:13:34,649 --> 00:13:36,942 ...emphatically denies any and all intervention... 114 00:13:37,151 --> 00:13:40,737 ...in the current realignment of top positions of the Paraguayan Air Force. 115 00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:42,447 Thank you very much. 116 00:13:42,657 --> 00:13:46,576 What about the Paraguayan army's request for spraying subsidies? 117 00:13:47,912 --> 00:13:50,496 Are there any Paraguayans here? No? 118 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:56,002 Their request for subsidies was not Paraguayan, as it were. 119 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:59,964 The United States would never... The president, our president, had not. 120 00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:02,925 As far as I know, that's how it'll always be. Is that clear? 121 00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,135 [TALKING OVER EACH OTHER] 122 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,762 How can you say we aren't spending millions on spraying... 123 00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:09,432 ...when the International Wheat Board has reported... 124 00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:13,394 ...and I quote, "Extensive contamination in the Argentine grain fields"? 125 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,397 The State... Ever... 126 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:17,898 Microphones... 127 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,110 ...cutting out on us. I'm sorry. However... 128 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,653 [MIMICS SOUND CUTTING OFF] 129 00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,739 Lunch date, so I must go. 130 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,949 [ALL CLAMORING] 131 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:33,372 These examinations are qualifiers for positions... 132 00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:37,001 ...in the intelligence sections of our embassies overseas. 133 00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:42,465 The nature of your postings will be secret. 134 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:46,927 Now, secret work can be very risky. 135 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:49,972 I cite as an example what happened to a great American... 136 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:51,640 Not yet! 137 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,853 - Oh. I'm sorry. - Excuse me. 138 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,563 My fault. 139 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,401 [WOMAN CLEARS THROAT] 140 00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,155 Mm... 141 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:09,283 I'm sorry I'm late. I had to attend the reading of a will. 142 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:15,289 I had to stay to the very end. I found out I received nothing. 143 00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,333 Broke my arm. 144 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,420 [COUGHS] 145 00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:24,173 Oh, uh... 146 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,842 Would you hold my wallet while I take the test please? 147 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,886 There's $1,000 in there... 148 00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:32,890 ...or maybe there isn't. Know what I mean? 149 00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:36,310 Are you saying I can take this money if I help you pass the test? 150 00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:39,021 What do you think? 151 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:44,777 Thank you. 152 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:49,448 - Where do I...? - Sit down! 153 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,050 You may begin... 154 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:10,635 ...now. 155 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:20,645 [FARTS] 156 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,410 Excuse me. 157 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:54,112 [CLEARING THROAT] 158 00:17:58,701 --> 00:18:01,328 [CLEARING THROAT MORE FORCEFULLY] 159 00:18:12,215 --> 00:18:16,843 [CLEARING THROAT THEN COUGHING LOUDLY] 160 00:18:36,739 --> 00:18:38,949 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 161 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,998 Oh, God, the pressure! I can't take it! 162 00:18:46,207 --> 00:18:47,374 [SOBBING] 163 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,838 I can't take it! I can't! I can't do it! 164 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,217 [FITZ-HUME RESUMES SOBBING] 165 00:19:00,638 --> 00:19:03,140 I can't... What page? 166 00:19:05,226 --> 00:19:06,893 RUBY: This is Emmett Fitz-Hume. 167 00:19:07,228 --> 00:19:10,022 He's an information officer at State. 168 00:19:10,231 --> 00:19:12,649 He started there in '74 as a mail boy. 169 00:19:12,942 --> 00:19:14,860 His father got him his job. 170 00:19:16,070 --> 00:19:17,946 This is Austin Millbarge. 171 00:19:18,239 --> 00:19:22,659 He's a repair supervisor in DIA's code-breaking arm at the Pentagon. 172 00:19:22,869 --> 00:19:26,747 Wiggled into supervisor's pay through an F-section. 173 00:19:26,914 --> 00:19:30,667 His last job before joining Defense was fixing office copiers. 174 00:19:31,794 --> 00:19:34,838 He's good with hardware, got some Russian. 175 00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,465 Want to see their test scores? 176 00:19:36,674 --> 00:19:38,508 What the hell for? 177 00:19:38,718 --> 00:19:41,720 They're a couple of absolutely self-involved bullshit artists... 178 00:19:41,929 --> 00:19:45,557 ...who got caught cheating on a departmental exam. 179 00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,893 They'll do anything to save their jobs. 180 00:19:48,102 --> 00:19:50,437 One's got basic diplomacy skills. 181 00:19:50,646 --> 00:19:54,106 The other's a code-breaker with language ability. 182 00:19:54,316 --> 00:19:56,400 I believe we've found our decoys. 183 00:19:56,610 --> 00:19:59,945 [GRUNTING AND GROANING] 184 00:20:00,572 --> 00:20:02,865 FITZ-HUME: Uhn. Heart attack! 185 00:20:03,241 --> 00:20:04,575 [FITZ-HUME GROANING OVER TV] 186 00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:07,578 Can I borrow your pen? 187 00:20:07,996 --> 00:20:09,872 All right, everybody, please stand back! 188 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:14,335 I'm a trained cardiovascular respiratory emergency assist technician. 189 00:20:14,544 --> 00:20:19,465 Stand back! This man needs air! All of you should leave the room... 190 00:20:20,634 --> 00:20:21,884 Well? 191 00:20:24,346 --> 00:20:26,931 So, what are we gonna get? Dismissal? Suspension? 192 00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:29,809 Censure? Departmental prosecution? What? 193 00:20:30,602 --> 00:20:31,602 Promotion. 194 00:20:31,812 --> 00:20:34,021 - What? - That's right. 195 00:20:34,231 --> 00:20:36,941 We like what we've seen of you two. 196 00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:39,902 We're bucking you right up to gathering. 197 00:20:40,112 --> 00:20:41,195 Level 20. 198 00:20:42,155 --> 00:20:46,158 Gathering, level 20? That's quite a step up in base pay. 199 00:20:46,368 --> 00:20:47,535 We're not in trouble? 200 00:20:47,744 --> 00:20:50,037 We're not recruiting for the Boy Scouts. 201 00:20:50,247 --> 00:20:52,540 We want people who are aggressive... 202 00:20:52,749 --> 00:20:57,169 ...who know how to go after that little edge that you need to survive. 203 00:20:58,213 --> 00:21:02,925 We especially liked the way you guys were working as a team in there. 204 00:21:05,178 --> 00:21:10,182 Now, if you feel you can work together, you're on your way up. 205 00:21:12,686 --> 00:21:15,438 We've got a very special assignment for you two. 206 00:21:17,399 --> 00:21:19,525 - Foreign service? - Yes. 207 00:21:19,693 --> 00:21:22,194 - Undercover work? - Yes. 208 00:21:24,531 --> 00:21:27,366 - Emmett Fitz-Hume. - Austin Millbarge. 209 00:21:27,534 --> 00:21:30,286 - When do we begin our training? - Right away. 210 00:21:30,954 --> 00:21:32,121 [CHUCKLES] Boy! 211 00:21:41,590 --> 00:21:44,049 We're just hitching a ride. They won't make us jump. 212 00:21:44,259 --> 00:21:47,803 Jump? No chance. We won't have to jump. 213 00:21:48,138 --> 00:21:49,180 [ALARM SOUNDS] 214 00:21:49,347 --> 00:21:52,933 All right, Sky-troopers! Let's go! Let's go! 215 00:21:53,143 --> 00:21:55,393 Go? What does he mean, go? 216 00:21:55,895 --> 00:22:00,565 Come on, come on. You can't do this! What are you doing? Aaah! 217 00:22:01,525 --> 00:22:02,567 Fitz-Hume! 218 00:22:02,735 --> 00:22:05,361 [SCREAMING] 219 00:22:07,573 --> 00:22:10,283 [BOTH SCREAMING] 220 00:22:15,664 --> 00:22:16,789 Help! Help! 221 00:22:22,213 --> 00:22:23,588 Ooh! 222 00:22:24,089 --> 00:22:26,007 Help! Help! Help! Help! 223 00:22:26,383 --> 00:22:28,384 [FITZ-HUME SHOUTING] 224 00:22:30,262 --> 00:22:32,430 [GRUNTING] 225 00:22:33,390 --> 00:22:36,601 [SCREAMING] 226 00:22:41,190 --> 00:22:44,150 [BOTH YELLING AND GRUNTING] 227 00:22:50,991 --> 00:22:53,284 - Where are we? - I don't know. I wasn't watching. 228 00:22:53,452 --> 00:22:55,537 I lost everything at 7,000 feet. 229 00:22:55,704 --> 00:22:57,372 [ANIMAL HOOTS] 230 00:22:57,540 --> 00:23:01,459 - You hear that? - Yeah. It's a dickfer. 231 00:23:01,669 --> 00:23:03,795 - What's a dickfer? - To pee with. 232 00:23:07,508 --> 00:23:08,758 [VOICE SCREAMS] 233 00:23:08,926 --> 00:23:10,468 Was that me? 234 00:23:14,431 --> 00:23:16,724 [NINJAS YELLING] 235 00:23:27,987 --> 00:23:31,489 - We need a plan. - Let's play dead. 236 00:23:31,782 --> 00:23:36,703 [BOTH YELL] 237 00:23:36,870 --> 00:23:41,207 - Come on, superspy, think of something. - You're the diplomat. Talk to them. 238 00:23:43,460 --> 00:23:47,005 [ALL GRUNTING] 239 00:23:47,172 --> 00:23:48,339 All right. 240 00:23:49,300 --> 00:23:52,677 Stop right there, and I'll bring back the sun. 241 00:23:53,679 --> 00:23:55,179 Okay? 242 00:23:56,140 --> 00:23:59,057 This is my sister. You can all have her. 243 00:23:59,267 --> 00:24:00,976 I hear she's very good. 244 00:24:01,269 --> 00:24:04,563 - One more step, I swing! - He's threatening you! 245 00:24:04,772 --> 00:24:06,023 Let's get him! 246 00:24:06,232 --> 00:24:09,901 - Show some balls! - It's too late to try to impress them. 247 00:24:12,155 --> 00:24:13,155 That's enough. 248 00:24:20,246 --> 00:24:22,789 - Austin Millbarge? - Here, sir. 249 00:24:23,750 --> 00:24:25,167 Emmett Fitz-Hume. 250 00:24:26,085 --> 00:24:27,085 Hello. 251 00:24:30,465 --> 00:24:31,465 Sir. 252 00:24:33,718 --> 00:24:38,055 Colonel Rhombus, Special Projects Training. We've been expecting you. 253 00:24:38,264 --> 00:24:41,683 Excuse me, but what was all this...? 254 00:24:41,893 --> 00:24:43,560 That's how I welcome new trainees. 255 00:24:43,895 --> 00:24:45,771 What's wrong with coffee and a handshake? 256 00:24:45,980 --> 00:24:49,483 It's my job to get you prepared to go out into the field for combat. 257 00:24:49,692 --> 00:24:52,778 I must know right away what I've got to work with. 258 00:24:52,987 --> 00:24:54,488 I've made my decision. 259 00:24:55,782 --> 00:24:57,699 - What's it say? - Pussy. 260 00:24:57,867 --> 00:25:01,244 I don't think that's fair. They had swords. What are we supposed to do? 261 00:25:01,412 --> 00:25:05,248 It depends on your particular arena of combat. 262 00:25:05,458 --> 00:25:06,792 Maybe this. 263 00:25:07,418 --> 00:25:09,419 [ALL GRUNTING AND GROANING] 264 00:25:11,214 --> 00:25:12,923 Oh! 265 00:25:23,851 --> 00:25:25,977 I'll take you back to the base. 266 00:25:26,354 --> 00:25:28,855 MEN: Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! 267 00:25:29,023 --> 00:25:30,774 RHOMBUS: This is the obstacle course. 268 00:25:31,234 --> 00:25:34,319 It's the course familiar to armed service recruits. 269 00:25:34,529 --> 00:25:37,030 Except that here in Intelligence Operative Training... 270 00:25:37,198 --> 00:25:39,282 ...we do it a bit differently. 271 00:25:39,492 --> 00:25:41,785 We add the element of scorched earth. 272 00:25:41,953 --> 00:25:43,954 [EXPLOSIONS] 273 00:25:51,254 --> 00:25:54,840 This is your standard bog negotiation trial. 274 00:25:57,635 --> 00:26:00,761 You'll be judged on survivability and time. 275 00:26:01,304 --> 00:26:02,638 Enter... 276 00:26:02,848 --> 00:26:04,181 ...now! 277 00:26:04,349 --> 00:26:07,685 Ow! Ow! Ow! 278 00:26:12,149 --> 00:26:13,649 - Heads down! - Hah! Oh! 279 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:21,574 This will verify your ability to stay afloat at high speeds. 280 00:26:28,081 --> 00:26:29,331 [GASPS] 281 00:26:30,834 --> 00:26:32,835 [BOTH SHOUTING] 282 00:26:33,837 --> 00:26:36,922 We'll now begin with AFPSR... 283 00:26:37,132 --> 00:26:39,550 ...air force passive strain response. 284 00:26:41,511 --> 00:26:44,054 You are not required to exert yourself. 285 00:26:44,264 --> 00:26:48,559 Only to survive aggravated body temperature measurement. 286 00:26:51,605 --> 00:26:54,398 - Whoa! Ooh! MILLBARGE: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 287 00:26:54,649 --> 00:26:56,358 Hot! Hot! Hot! 288 00:26:56,526 --> 00:27:00,946 We'll now determine your G-force threshold. Relax, gentlemen. 289 00:27:02,532 --> 00:27:06,202 - I guess we just sit here? - Piece of cake. 290 00:27:09,581 --> 00:27:11,582 [MACHINE WHIRRING] 291 00:27:40,403 --> 00:27:42,863 - You want some coffee? - Good idea. 292 00:27:43,031 --> 00:27:44,406 Huh. 293 00:27:45,116 --> 00:27:47,117 [SOLDIERS CHANTING] 294 00:27:49,079 --> 00:27:52,456 Colonel, we were just talking... 295 00:27:52,666 --> 00:27:55,709 We've had loads of fun here. And, you know, we met new friends... 296 00:27:55,877 --> 00:27:57,628 ...and had a great lunch, right? 297 00:27:57,796 --> 00:28:00,713 Yeah, the tuna-and-cream casserole was beautiful. 298 00:28:00,965 --> 00:28:03,633 Anyway, we were just talking and we'd like to go home now. 299 00:28:03,801 --> 00:28:06,970 So thanks for the bruises, and you can keep the stool samples. 300 00:28:12,935 --> 00:28:16,604 Boys, it would be a shame to have to kill you now. 301 00:28:19,108 --> 00:28:22,777 - What did he mean by that? - Means we're OIO. 302 00:28:22,987 --> 00:28:24,028 What's that? 303 00:28:24,238 --> 00:28:26,823 Obligated involuntary officers. 304 00:28:28,158 --> 00:28:31,619 Gentlemen, begin radical vertical impact simulation... 305 00:28:31,787 --> 00:28:33,288 ...now. 306 00:28:45,259 --> 00:28:46,718 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 307 00:28:46,886 --> 00:28:47,886 Come in. 308 00:28:53,225 --> 00:28:54,976 You wanted to see us, sir? 309 00:28:59,857 --> 00:29:00,857 Sit. 310 00:29:09,158 --> 00:29:10,491 Congratulations, men. 311 00:29:10,659 --> 00:29:14,078 You're about to enter the operational phase of your assignment. 312 00:29:15,205 --> 00:29:18,082 I'm not authorized to give you the full operational package... 313 00:29:18,250 --> 00:29:22,587 ...but I will tell you the location of your initial drop will be well inside Pakistan. 314 00:29:23,213 --> 00:29:24,672 - Pakistan? - Pakistan? 315 00:29:44,276 --> 00:29:46,277 [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 316 00:29:47,988 --> 00:29:49,989 [GOATS BLEATING] 317 00:29:53,869 --> 00:29:55,870 [CHICKENS CLUCKING] 318 00:29:57,957 --> 00:29:59,666 [SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 319 00:30:02,043 --> 00:30:03,710 [VILLAGERS CHATTERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 320 00:30:05,046 --> 00:30:07,047 [SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 321 00:30:36,619 --> 00:30:39,037 Is one of these people our contact? 322 00:30:42,709 --> 00:30:46,920 Okay. Who led the American League in home runs in 1953? 323 00:30:47,338 --> 00:30:49,047 [GUNS COCKING] 324 00:30:51,259 --> 00:30:52,843 I'll handle this. 325 00:31:09,152 --> 00:31:13,155 [IN PASHTO] 326 00:31:17,952 --> 00:31:19,327 [ALL LAUGHING] 327 00:31:24,417 --> 00:31:27,502 [IN ENGLISH] What's he doing? - That's just their way of saying hello. 328 00:31:27,712 --> 00:31:30,881 Hello. I'm Austin. 329 00:31:31,799 --> 00:31:33,800 [SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 330 00:31:35,553 --> 00:31:39,389 Hi. Bud Schnelker, liaison office. U.S. Consulate, Karachi. 331 00:31:39,599 --> 00:31:43,477 Rob Hodges. DIA, West Asian section. Welcome to Pakistan. 332 00:31:43,728 --> 00:31:47,022 Boy, you don't know how glad we are to see you guys. 333 00:31:47,190 --> 00:31:50,650 - When's lunch? - Come on, guys. Jeep's over here. 334 00:31:58,409 --> 00:32:00,660 MILLBARGE: I'm starving. What time you got? 335 00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:08,626 Hey, listen. Could we stop? 336 00:32:09,169 --> 00:32:12,004 - What's the matter? - I gotta take a leak. 337 00:32:23,016 --> 00:32:24,642 You should go too. 338 00:32:25,685 --> 00:32:27,019 Are you my mother? 339 00:32:27,187 --> 00:32:30,773 Don't you think I'm capable of determining my own time to go to the bathroom? 340 00:32:30,941 --> 00:32:33,275 Isn't now one of those times? 341 00:32:33,443 --> 00:32:34,735 [CHUCKLES] No. 342 00:32:34,986 --> 00:32:38,614 You don't feel urgent pressure on the inner wall of your bladder... 343 00:32:38,782 --> 00:32:42,743 ...now, right at this moment? - No. I'm fine. 344 00:32:43,578 --> 00:32:46,247 Wouldn't you feel more comfortable being fully relieved... 345 00:32:46,414 --> 00:32:50,793 ...of any excess fluids that might be building up, immediately, right now? 346 00:32:50,961 --> 00:32:52,711 I got to take a whiz? 347 00:32:54,798 --> 00:32:57,883 - Don't go away. - We'll be here. 348 00:33:03,890 --> 00:33:08,727 These guys are not our legitimate contacts. These guys are KGB special branch. 349 00:33:09,271 --> 00:33:10,896 - Come on. - Don't tell me to come on. 350 00:33:11,064 --> 00:33:12,481 That was a Russian wristwatch. 351 00:33:12,649 --> 00:33:14,859 I know the country of origin of every timepiece. 352 00:33:15,026 --> 00:33:17,736 That was a Russian copy of a 1969 Timex digital. 353 00:33:18,238 --> 00:33:20,072 Is this some kind of a hobby with you? 354 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:24,243 Most common slip-up in espionage. We walked right into enemy hands. 355 00:33:27,873 --> 00:33:29,081 - Hi. - Just between us... 356 00:33:29,249 --> 00:33:31,083 ...if you know your final objective... 357 00:33:31,251 --> 00:33:34,920 ...you'd be smart to tell us. We could probably work things out quicker for you. 358 00:33:36,590 --> 00:33:39,175 Well, like he said, we still don't know. 359 00:33:39,342 --> 00:33:42,386 You know what they say about this type of operation: 360 00:33:42,554 --> 00:33:45,222 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 361 00:33:45,390 --> 00:33:49,185 [BOTH SPEAK IN RUSSIAN] 362 00:33:49,936 --> 00:33:54,106 [BOTH LAUGHING] 363 00:33:54,733 --> 00:33:56,108 - Feet. - Hat. 364 00:33:56,943 --> 00:33:58,861 [GRUNTING] 365 00:34:03,825 --> 00:34:04,992 Come on! 366 00:34:11,624 --> 00:34:12,916 Look out! 367 00:34:17,796 --> 00:34:18,880 [SIGHS] 368 00:34:19,131 --> 00:34:23,760 - They sure had me fooled. - The Soviets obviously know we're here now. 369 00:34:24,136 --> 00:34:27,639 - Where to, boss? - First we check our gasoline supply. 370 00:34:27,848 --> 00:34:31,309 - How's our gasoline supply? - Eight 5-gallon cans. 371 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,354 - That enough to get us to an airport? - I hope so. 372 00:34:34,813 --> 00:34:38,149 We'll drive in shifts. One drives, the other sleeps. 373 00:34:38,359 --> 00:34:40,318 I'll drive, you sleep. 374 00:34:41,946 --> 00:34:44,822 - Wake me up when you get tired. - Okay. 375 00:34:44,990 --> 00:34:47,492 - Good night. - Good night. 376 00:34:48,994 --> 00:34:51,621 - Sleep tight. - Thanks. 377 00:34:51,830 --> 00:34:54,290 - Don't let the bedbugs bite. - Okay. 378 00:34:55,334 --> 00:34:56,709 Night. 379 00:34:58,796 --> 00:35:00,797 [WHISTLING] 380 00:35:32,246 --> 00:35:35,999 Good morning. Is there an airport near here? 381 00:35:36,583 --> 00:35:38,418 [SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 382 00:35:38,585 --> 00:35:40,586 [PEOPLE SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE IN DISTANCE] 383 00:36:00,816 --> 00:36:02,734 [HORSES NEIGHING] 384 00:36:04,945 --> 00:36:07,571 Austin. Your turn to drive. 385 00:36:14,537 --> 00:36:17,622 These are the Yusufzai. They're Afghani freedom-fighters. 386 00:36:17,832 --> 00:36:19,166 They're our allies. 387 00:36:19,625 --> 00:36:21,126 Oh! 388 00:36:22,962 --> 00:36:24,588 We're Americans! 389 00:36:33,431 --> 00:36:35,807 [MAN SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 390 00:36:37,268 --> 00:36:38,685 [MAN SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 391 00:36:40,938 --> 00:36:42,147 Dr. Hadley! 392 00:36:42,565 --> 00:36:45,442 [SPEAKS ANGRILY IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 393 00:36:48,071 --> 00:36:49,863 Oh, my God! 394 00:36:52,408 --> 00:36:54,117 What do you think you're doing? 395 00:36:54,285 --> 00:36:56,119 [SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 396 00:36:58,498 --> 00:37:02,084 Sorry about this. They're very distrustful of outsiders. 397 00:37:02,460 --> 00:37:05,879 - No problem. - Get your men to cut them down. 398 00:37:06,255 --> 00:37:08,882 [SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 399 00:37:09,050 --> 00:37:10,634 [GRUNTS] 400 00:37:12,178 --> 00:37:14,763 [MAN SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 401 00:37:17,058 --> 00:37:18,809 - Who are you? - Oh, sorry. 402 00:37:18,976 --> 00:37:21,395 Hadley, London College of Medicine. 403 00:37:21,562 --> 00:37:24,523 They only allow us here because we're helping with the wounded. 404 00:37:24,732 --> 00:37:27,401 - They didn't realize you were with the effort. - With who? 405 00:37:27,568 --> 00:37:30,028 The United Nations medical effort, of course. 406 00:37:30,238 --> 00:37:32,155 Aren't you Drs. Trowbridge and Greenberg? 407 00:37:32,323 --> 00:37:33,949 Doctors? 408 00:37:34,117 --> 00:37:37,452 Yeah, sure. That's us. Uh-huh. We're doctors. I'm Dr. Trowbridge. This is Dr... 409 00:37:37,620 --> 00:37:38,745 - Greenbaum. - Berg. 410 00:37:38,913 --> 00:37:41,248 Greenbaumberg. We're doctors. 411 00:37:42,500 --> 00:37:44,501 Everybody looks fine here. What do you say? 412 00:37:44,669 --> 00:37:46,503 I say yes, doctor. 413 00:37:49,340 --> 00:37:51,425 Stick your tongue out, please. 414 00:37:55,721 --> 00:37:56,888 Everything's fine. 415 00:37:59,225 --> 00:38:01,351 I guess we'll be heading back to the old U.N. 416 00:38:01,519 --> 00:38:05,439 And of course we'll let them know what a good job you're doing here. 417 00:38:05,606 --> 00:38:06,940 [LAUGHS] 418 00:38:07,108 --> 00:38:09,650 The American sense of humor. 419 00:38:09,985 --> 00:38:13,112 Come on. The others are anxious to meet you. 420 00:38:15,824 --> 00:38:18,701 Have we received the last shipment of penicillin yet? 421 00:38:18,869 --> 00:38:21,871 - Not yet, no. - Possibly tomorrow. 422 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:23,664 Two envoys are coming. 423 00:38:29,546 --> 00:38:33,215 Ah. Here we are. I'm Hadley, Internal Medicine. 424 00:38:33,717 --> 00:38:36,302 Dr. La Fong, Communicable Diseases. 425 00:38:36,595 --> 00:38:39,138 Dr. Boyer, Bacteriology. 426 00:38:39,347 --> 00:38:43,893 Doctors Stinson, Marston, and Gill of Northampton Trauma Institute. 427 00:38:44,102 --> 00:38:47,062 And Dr. Imhaus of the Zurich relief fund. 428 00:38:48,106 --> 00:38:51,150 These are our newly arrived surgeons, Trowbridge and Greenbaum. 429 00:38:51,359 --> 00:38:53,068 - Doctor. - Doctor. 430 00:38:53,236 --> 00:38:54,445 IMHAUS: Doctor. - Doctor. 431 00:38:54,613 --> 00:38:58,365 - Doctor. - Doctor. 432 00:38:58,533 --> 00:39:00,242 GILL: Doctor. - Doctor. 433 00:39:00,410 --> 00:39:07,500 - Doctor. - Doctor. 434 00:39:07,667 --> 00:39:08,667 Doctor. 435 00:39:08,835 --> 00:39:11,170 - And, doctor. - Did we miss anyone? 436 00:39:11,338 --> 00:39:12,922 HADLEY: Why don't you gentlemen relax. 437 00:39:13,381 --> 00:39:16,759 The tribe's planning a raid on a Soviet tank division tomorrow. 438 00:39:16,927 --> 00:39:18,719 There will be plenty for us to do then. 439 00:39:19,513 --> 00:39:20,638 Doctors. 440 00:39:22,224 --> 00:39:33,943 - Doctor. - Doctor. 441 00:39:34,110 --> 00:39:35,236 MARSTON: Doctor. - Doctor. 442 00:39:35,403 --> 00:39:36,445 GILL: Doctor. - Doctor. 443 00:39:36,738 --> 00:39:38,489 - Doctor. - Doctor. 444 00:39:40,784 --> 00:39:41,825 We're not doctors. 445 00:39:41,993 --> 00:39:45,120 We've got to get out of this place, immediately, if not sooner. 446 00:39:45,288 --> 00:39:48,165 - Not until I've had... - Excuse me. 447 00:39:49,543 --> 00:39:50,834 [WHISPERS] Her. 448 00:39:51,002 --> 00:39:55,214 - Am I interrupting? - No! Not at all. He was just on his way out. 449 00:39:59,302 --> 00:40:02,221 What happens when the real doctors come? 450 00:40:02,681 --> 00:40:04,390 [CLEARS THROAT] 451 00:40:05,475 --> 00:40:08,018 - Dr. Trowbridge. - Where? 452 00:40:08,186 --> 00:40:09,728 Oh! Right. 453 00:40:10,938 --> 00:40:14,232 - Make yourself comfortable. Sit down. - Thank you. 454 00:40:23,826 --> 00:40:26,953 [CLATTERING] 455 00:40:28,038 --> 00:40:29,497 What can I do for you? 456 00:40:29,707 --> 00:40:32,375 Dr. Trowbridge... May I call you Homer? 457 00:40:32,585 --> 00:40:35,003 - Why? - That's your name. 458 00:40:35,421 --> 00:40:39,007 Oh! Right! Homer. Of course. What's your name? 459 00:40:39,258 --> 00:40:41,676 - Karen. - Karen. 460 00:40:42,761 --> 00:40:46,639 Dr. Trowbridge... Homer, when you walked into this tent... 461 00:40:46,849 --> 00:40:49,892 ...it was the most exciting moment of my life. 462 00:40:50,936 --> 00:40:51,936 You just wait. 463 00:40:52,187 --> 00:40:55,106 You're a hero of mine. I've read all your papers. 464 00:40:55,274 --> 00:40:56,566 How did you get my papers? 465 00:40:56,734 --> 00:40:58,276 Oh, you mean my medical papers. Right. 466 00:40:58,444 --> 00:40:59,527 [CHUCKLES] 467 00:40:59,737 --> 00:41:03,156 - Are you making fun of me? - Oh, Karen. Our first fight. 468 00:41:03,365 --> 00:41:05,950 You might think I'm silly to worship you the way I do... 469 00:41:06,118 --> 00:41:08,328 ...but in my estimation, you're a genius. 470 00:41:09,371 --> 00:41:12,790 "Genius" is a pretty strong word, but if you insist on using it... 471 00:41:12,958 --> 00:41:14,042 ...I can handle it. 472 00:41:14,209 --> 00:41:17,337 In fact, I hesitate to mention my problem. 473 00:41:17,546 --> 00:41:19,964 It's a task hardly worthy of your abilities. 474 00:41:20,382 --> 00:41:23,176 Go ahead and mention it. There's nothing I wouldn't do. 475 00:41:23,344 --> 00:41:27,930 It's the khan's brother. He's been suffering from pain in the right lower abdomen. 476 00:41:28,140 --> 00:41:31,351 - Obviously an inflamed appendix. - Obviously. 477 00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,979 Dr. Hadley was going to remove it, but now that you're here... 478 00:41:35,147 --> 00:41:38,566 I mean, just to see you perform even the most simple surgery... 479 00:41:38,734 --> 00:41:41,194 ...would be one of the great thrills of my life. 480 00:41:41,403 --> 00:41:44,781 I'd rather not. I don't have my instruments. Ahem. 481 00:41:45,032 --> 00:41:48,159 Use Dr. Hadley's. Please, Homer. 482 00:41:48,410 --> 00:41:52,080 The khan's brother is being prepped. If you refuse to do this... 483 00:41:52,247 --> 00:41:55,208 ...the khan will lose faith in you, and us. 484 00:41:55,417 --> 00:41:57,919 The consequences could be severe. 485 00:41:59,963 --> 00:42:02,215 I see. Well... 486 00:42:02,758 --> 00:42:04,801 The truth is I am a great surgeon. 487 00:42:05,427 --> 00:42:09,430 But, alas, I recently suffered severe nerve damage in my left hand. 488 00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,724 Oh, my God! 489 00:42:13,226 --> 00:42:16,269 Look at that. No feeling at all. 490 00:42:16,604 --> 00:42:17,854 Dead. 491 00:42:18,064 --> 00:42:21,900 - How did that happen? - I was lifting a car off a child. 492 00:42:22,110 --> 00:42:23,944 It was a big car, a Cadillac. 493 00:42:25,029 --> 00:42:30,075 I'm so disappointed. And the khan, he'll be very suspicious. 494 00:42:31,244 --> 00:42:34,621 - My God. - Oh, there, there. 495 00:42:35,331 --> 00:42:38,125 Actually, I could operate without my hands. 496 00:42:38,292 --> 00:42:39,751 Dr. Greenbaum could be my hands. 497 00:42:39,919 --> 00:42:42,254 I could tell him what to do, and he'd do it for me. 498 00:42:42,422 --> 00:42:46,591 - Then you'd get a chance see me in action. - That would be wonderful. 499 00:42:47,635 --> 00:42:52,305 Of course, after I guide Dr. Greenbaum through an operation, I get very depressed... 500 00:42:52,473 --> 00:42:55,100 ...because I couldn't do it myself. 501 00:42:55,768 --> 00:42:57,436 It's a very bad time for me. 502 00:42:57,854 --> 00:43:00,981 Don't you worry. I'll be with you. 503 00:43:05,153 --> 00:43:06,611 Give me a break. 504 00:43:07,697 --> 00:43:09,698 [MOUTHING WORDS] 505 00:43:10,658 --> 00:43:12,409 About an hour? 506 00:43:12,660 --> 00:43:14,119 Fine. An hour. 507 00:43:16,372 --> 00:43:17,497 Thank you. 508 00:43:17,665 --> 00:43:20,000 - Bye. - Bye. 509 00:43:23,463 --> 00:43:26,089 You're good with tools, aren't you? Devices, instruments? 510 00:43:26,257 --> 00:43:28,675 What? You kidding? You're talking to Millbarge here. 511 00:43:28,843 --> 00:43:31,386 You want something converted, built, repaired, modified. 512 00:43:31,554 --> 00:43:32,971 You're talking to Mr. Hands. 513 00:43:36,434 --> 00:43:39,060 Ah. Oh. Mind if I play through? 514 00:43:42,231 --> 00:43:46,026 Doctor. Doctor. Ha. Glad I'm not sick. 515 00:43:51,115 --> 00:43:53,533 [MAN SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 516 00:43:55,578 --> 00:43:58,538 If anything happens to him, my people will be angry. 517 00:43:59,248 --> 00:44:04,211 To die in battle is glorious. To die in a tent is disgrace. 518 00:44:04,879 --> 00:44:07,506 And with that, I give you Dr. Julius Greenbaum. 519 00:44:08,466 --> 00:44:09,883 Thank you, doctor. 520 00:44:10,051 --> 00:44:12,219 I'll just step out for a smoke. 521 00:44:12,386 --> 00:44:13,887 Perhaps I'll stay here. Heh-heh. 522 00:44:14,304 --> 00:44:16,722 Today we will be removing the patient's appendix. 523 00:44:16,932 --> 00:44:20,518 The first step in an operation of this particular type is... 524 00:44:27,275 --> 00:44:29,276 [FLIPPING PAGES] 525 00:44:34,699 --> 00:44:36,534 ...to shave the patient. 526 00:44:42,499 --> 00:44:44,416 Ah. Forget it, get on with it. 527 00:44:46,586 --> 00:44:50,297 We'll skip the shave and go to the operation. 528 00:44:50,507 --> 00:44:54,510 The second step in an operation of this type is... 529 00:45:00,517 --> 00:45:02,560 ...anesthetic. 530 00:45:04,855 --> 00:45:08,816 But can't you tell? He's already been given the required injection of Pentothal. 531 00:45:08,984 --> 00:45:10,025 Of course. 532 00:45:10,193 --> 00:45:14,572 He's already been given the required injections. 533 00:45:14,990 --> 00:45:17,908 All right. Let us begin the operation. 534 00:45:20,745 --> 00:45:22,454 [INSTRUMENTS CLATTERING] 535 00:45:38,263 --> 00:45:39,805 Thank you, doctor. 536 00:45:41,391 --> 00:45:43,517 And now, the first incision. 537 00:45:52,444 --> 00:45:53,485 IMHAUS: Doctor. 538 00:45:53,695 --> 00:45:57,114 Isn't that incision a bit high for an appendix? 539 00:45:57,324 --> 00:46:01,410 Do you wanna do the operation? Fine. You come on up here, and you do it. 540 00:46:01,870 --> 00:46:04,371 - Imhaus. - He was cutting into his chest! 541 00:46:04,539 --> 00:46:07,082 Did you see me cut into his chest? Did I cut his chest? 542 00:46:07,250 --> 00:46:10,336 I was probing to determine muscle tone and skeletal girth. 543 00:46:10,503 --> 00:46:12,046 It's a new technique. 544 00:46:12,213 --> 00:46:15,716 - We mock what we don't understand. - Yeah. 545 00:46:17,343 --> 00:46:19,677 Go ahead, will you? I'm getting hungry. 546 00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,182 And now, the first incision. 547 00:46:47,456 --> 00:46:50,541 And now, I will incise. 548 00:46:57,216 --> 00:46:58,883 Cut the sucker. 549 00:47:02,554 --> 00:47:04,138 [GASPS] 550 00:47:07,726 --> 00:47:08,768 [EXHALES] 551 00:47:14,566 --> 00:47:17,193 This man is dead. 552 00:47:24,076 --> 00:47:26,077 [WHISTLING] 553 00:47:36,463 --> 00:47:37,755 [SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 554 00:47:39,299 --> 00:47:41,300 [ALL SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 555 00:47:50,269 --> 00:47:52,103 Whoa! 556 00:47:52,312 --> 00:47:53,563 Excuse us. 557 00:47:54,106 --> 00:47:55,273 Thank you. 558 00:48:00,279 --> 00:48:01,988 [GUNSHOTS] 559 00:48:34,103 --> 00:48:35,604 [SHOUTING] 560 00:48:39,984 --> 00:48:41,359 Whoa-oh! 561 00:48:51,162 --> 00:48:52,537 Ah! 562 00:49:00,797 --> 00:49:01,963 [ARGUING] 563 00:49:02,131 --> 00:49:03,423 Let me do it! 564 00:49:19,941 --> 00:49:21,191 [SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 565 00:49:25,780 --> 00:49:27,489 MILLBARGE [CHOKING]: Emmett! 566 00:49:27,824 --> 00:49:29,699 Help me! 567 00:49:30,535 --> 00:49:32,202 [SCREAMS] 568 00:49:33,913 --> 00:49:34,955 [GRUNTING] 569 00:49:35,123 --> 00:49:36,331 MILLBARGE: Let go! 570 00:49:37,625 --> 00:49:38,917 Yaah! 571 00:50:28,300 --> 00:50:30,259 The drive-in is closed. 572 00:50:31,219 --> 00:50:33,387 We're with the Ace Tomato Company. 573 00:50:49,863 --> 00:50:53,532 All this cloak-and-dagger stuff. The military love it. 574 00:50:53,783 --> 00:50:56,619 Christ, will you look at this place? 575 00:51:13,803 --> 00:51:16,180 - Mr. Ruby. - Sir. 576 00:51:16,348 --> 00:51:17,473 Mr. Keyes. 577 00:51:17,641 --> 00:51:21,644 - Yes, sir. - Won't you gentlemen have a Pepsi? 578 00:51:44,292 --> 00:51:46,502 Two Pepsis to go. 579 00:51:54,886 --> 00:51:56,011 Now what? 580 00:51:56,221 --> 00:52:01,016 "Why don't you gentlemen have a Pepsi?" 581 00:52:14,823 --> 00:52:16,282 You do it. 582 00:52:25,374 --> 00:52:27,500 [BOTH SCREAMING] 583 00:52:45,477 --> 00:52:46,686 This way, gentlemen. 584 00:52:53,402 --> 00:52:55,153 Welcome to W.A.M.P. 585 00:52:55,738 --> 00:52:59,574 [MONITOR BEEPING] 586 00:53:03,579 --> 00:53:06,372 - General Sline, sir. - Yes, sergeant? 587 00:53:06,540 --> 00:53:09,334 It's a collect call from Pakistan for Mr. Ruby. 588 00:53:09,543 --> 00:53:12,045 - A Mr. Fitz-Hume. - Ah! 589 00:53:12,254 --> 00:53:13,254 What? 590 00:53:13,422 --> 00:53:17,717 Folks, sorry. We'll just be another minute. Thank you for your patience. 591 00:53:17,885 --> 00:53:19,510 It's person to person, sir, collect. 592 00:53:19,678 --> 00:53:22,680 Their contacts tried to kill them and they don't know what to do. 593 00:53:22,848 --> 00:53:26,392 And they told you this over a public phone? 594 00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:29,354 No, sir, the AT&T operator told our operator. 595 00:53:30,731 --> 00:53:33,483 - They're insane. - And apparently roaming free. 596 00:53:33,650 --> 00:53:34,984 He's on line seven, sir. 597 00:53:35,152 --> 00:53:36,778 Get us the hell out of here! 598 00:53:36,945 --> 00:53:39,614 Everything's under control, Mr. Fitz-Hume. 599 00:53:40,074 --> 00:53:41,574 Hold on one moment. 600 00:53:41,825 --> 00:53:44,118 Look, the longer we keep them out in the field... 601 00:53:44,286 --> 00:53:47,622 ...the more heat we can draw away from the real team. 602 00:53:48,457 --> 00:53:51,584 I agree. Let's send them over the border. 603 00:53:52,586 --> 00:53:55,671 - How do they get there? - That's their problem. 604 00:53:55,881 --> 00:53:57,548 Hello, gentlemen. 605 00:53:58,467 --> 00:54:01,344 Listen, we are organizing a rescue operation for you. 606 00:54:01,595 --> 00:54:04,472 For after you've reached your final objective. 607 00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:06,307 What is our final objective? 608 00:54:06,475 --> 00:54:09,394 Information like that is given out on a need-to-know basis only. 609 00:54:09,603 --> 00:54:12,688 And at this particular time, you do not need to know. 610 00:54:12,898 --> 00:54:16,109 However, we can tell you to make immediately... 611 00:54:16,318 --> 00:54:18,820 ...for the Soviet Pamir District. 612 00:54:20,114 --> 00:54:23,990 Wait for your next contact on the road to Dushanbe. 613 00:54:28,496 --> 00:54:30,080 The road to Dushanbe? 614 00:54:30,248 --> 00:54:32,582 You practically told them the strike zone. 615 00:54:32,750 --> 00:54:34,751 Listen. Even if they make it there at all... 616 00:54:34,919 --> 00:54:37,671 ...they'll be plucked by Soviet motorized infantry. 617 00:54:37,839 --> 00:54:41,341 The road to Dushanbe is a heavily traveled military artery. 618 00:54:42,135 --> 00:54:44,302 I guess that takes care of that. 619 00:54:45,513 --> 00:54:48,014 We must make no mistakes this time. 620 00:54:49,225 --> 00:54:52,894 Our whole way of life hangs in the balance, gentlemen. 621 00:54:56,315 --> 00:54:58,150 [CHATTERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 622 00:54:59,986 --> 00:55:01,361 Pamir? Dushanbe? 623 00:55:01,529 --> 00:55:04,364 - You're sure that's what he said? - Right. 624 00:55:04,824 --> 00:55:08,243 - Those places are in Russia? - And how. 625 00:55:11,330 --> 00:55:12,497 [SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 626 00:55:12,665 --> 00:55:14,708 No, thanks. I've already eaten. 627 00:55:14,876 --> 00:55:17,377 How can we get there? It must be 1000 miles from here. 628 00:55:17,545 --> 00:55:20,589 Actually, if this is the lower Kohistan district... 629 00:55:20,756 --> 00:55:23,758 ...we're only about 150 miles from the Soviet border. 630 00:55:23,968 --> 00:55:25,802 You would have to know that. 631 00:55:27,054 --> 00:55:31,224 Wait a minute. The Soviet border? How do we get across the Soviet border? 632 00:55:31,601 --> 00:55:34,394 We don't shave, sell the ambulance... 633 00:55:34,562 --> 00:55:37,731 ...sell our clothes, and go native. 634 00:55:37,899 --> 00:55:46,656 [SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 635 00:55:49,744 --> 00:55:50,952 [CLUCKING] 636 00:55:51,245 --> 00:55:53,246 How far do we have to go on this bus? 637 00:55:53,414 --> 00:55:55,582 As far as it takes us. 638 00:56:06,260 --> 00:56:08,386 Hey, look! It's Dr. Boyer! 639 00:56:15,770 --> 00:56:18,480 She's the last person we want to see. 640 00:56:18,898 --> 00:56:21,024 No, she's nice. 641 00:56:40,585 --> 00:56:44,630 [MAN SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 642 00:56:59,479 --> 00:57:02,147 - Is this the border? - No. Toll stop. 643 00:57:02,315 --> 00:57:05,734 Hopefully, there won't be any guard posts where we're gonna cross. 644 00:57:08,697 --> 00:57:11,615 Look. Dr. Boyer. 645 00:57:13,660 --> 00:57:15,494 Leave it alone. 646 00:57:24,504 --> 00:57:27,006 I left without saying goodbye. Can you ever forgive me? 647 00:57:31,094 --> 00:57:32,386 Where are you going? 648 00:57:32,554 --> 00:57:34,555 You can't deny what happened between us. 649 00:57:34,723 --> 00:57:36,473 Don't touch me. 650 00:57:36,641 --> 00:57:37,850 Come on. 651 00:57:40,186 --> 00:57:41,562 Hyah! 652 00:57:44,983 --> 00:57:46,567 [SOFTLY] "Don't touch me." 653 00:57:47,569 --> 00:57:48,611 [SIGHS] 654 00:57:49,362 --> 00:57:51,363 [MEN SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 655 00:57:54,034 --> 00:57:55,409 [LAUGHTER] 656 00:57:59,539 --> 00:58:02,374 Look at this. This is really neat. Ha-ha. 657 00:58:05,712 --> 00:58:09,423 How do you like that? She lets a little thing like death interfere with romance. 658 00:58:09,591 --> 00:58:14,136 They couldn't have done any better with the khan's brother. They aren't doctors. 659 00:58:14,304 --> 00:58:15,346 What do you mean? 660 00:58:15,513 --> 00:58:18,182 That metal case she was packing on her horse. 661 00:58:18,350 --> 00:58:20,559 - What about it? - It's a Satscrambler terminal. 662 00:58:20,727 --> 00:58:22,936 Sophisticated system for sending, scrambling... 663 00:58:23,104 --> 00:58:25,397 ...receiving and unscrambling satellite messages. 664 00:58:25,565 --> 00:58:27,899 So she's a sophisticated woman. 665 00:58:28,108 --> 00:58:31,069 It's a highly classified piece of intelligence hardware. 666 00:58:31,236 --> 00:58:35,907 - So she's a high-class intelligent piece. - Come on, knock it off. 667 00:58:36,450 --> 00:58:39,744 Well, what are you saying? That they're spies like us? 668 00:58:39,953 --> 00:58:43,081 They're spies, but not necessarily on our side. 669 00:58:43,832 --> 00:58:44,874 [LAUGHS] 670 00:58:45,084 --> 00:58:47,669 I think it's our duty as American operatives... 671 00:58:47,878 --> 00:58:50,922 ...to follow her and find out what she's up to. 672 00:58:51,090 --> 00:58:53,383 - You just want to follow her. - No. 673 00:58:53,592 --> 00:58:56,052 You're thinking with your dick. 674 00:58:56,220 --> 00:58:57,679 They left their Land Rover here. 675 00:58:57,846 --> 00:59:00,932 They're probably headed right for the border at some secret point. 676 00:59:01,100 --> 00:59:03,142 It would save us a lot of trouble. 677 00:59:03,310 --> 00:59:06,521 They do seem to be headed in that general direction. 678 00:59:06,689 --> 00:59:10,024 - Maybe your dick's not so dumb. - Got me through high school. 679 00:59:25,290 --> 00:59:28,209 Do you think those men are following us? 680 00:59:31,004 --> 00:59:34,465 They're most likely Chitrali nomads. Not to worry. 681 00:59:49,022 --> 00:59:50,690 [GROWLS] 682 00:59:52,818 --> 00:59:55,987 - Did you say sit? - I didn't say sit. 683 00:59:56,488 --> 00:59:59,782 - Did you say sit? - No, I didn't say sit. What...? 684 01:00:06,123 --> 01:00:07,165 Now what? 685 01:00:07,332 --> 01:00:08,332 [CAMEL GROWLS] 686 01:00:08,500 --> 01:00:10,168 I guess we walk. 687 01:00:10,502 --> 01:00:12,503 [GROWLING] 688 01:00:18,552 --> 01:00:20,553 [IMITATES GROWLING] 689 01:00:39,238 --> 01:00:41,031 Why do we have to carry all this stuff? 690 01:00:41,199 --> 01:00:44,785 The Dushanbe road runs across the top of the mountains, the roof of the world. 691 01:00:44,952 --> 01:00:48,371 It'll be sub-arctic temperatures up there, freezing. You'll thank me. 692 01:00:48,998 --> 01:00:50,540 [MOCKINGLY] "You'll thank me." 693 01:01:22,114 --> 01:01:23,156 MILLBARGE: That's it. 694 01:01:23,616 --> 01:01:25,242 The Dushanbe road... 695 01:01:25,660 --> 01:01:29,162 ...where we're supposed to meet our contacts. I hope. 696 01:01:35,962 --> 01:01:40,298 Only insofar as it serves to confirm the president's own beliefs. 697 01:01:40,508 --> 01:01:43,301 This is quite an exciting project you've got here, general. 698 01:01:43,511 --> 01:01:45,679 What was the cost of this Star Wars system? 699 01:01:45,847 --> 01:01:47,931 - Just under 60 billion. - Quite a bargain. 700 01:01:48,099 --> 01:01:50,934 Sir. Printout from Gravsat. 701 01:01:52,103 --> 01:01:55,939 Let's see. A transmission from the field, your GLG-20s. 702 01:01:57,441 --> 01:01:59,734 Well, wonderful. They confirm estimated arrival... 703 01:01:59,944 --> 01:02:02,779 ...at the strike site by 6 p.m. Their time tomorrow. 704 01:02:02,947 --> 01:02:06,074 That's 9 a.m. Here. Right on schedule. 705 01:02:06,242 --> 01:02:09,369 You can always count on our people. 706 01:02:17,795 --> 01:02:19,254 Well, this is it. 707 01:02:20,464 --> 01:02:22,799 Where are those contacts we heard so much about? 708 01:02:22,967 --> 01:02:25,218 Didn't exactly say where on the road, did they? 709 01:02:25,386 --> 01:02:26,803 No. 710 01:02:27,471 --> 01:02:29,847 Maybe we should start hitchhiking. 711 01:02:30,056 --> 01:02:32,641 We're inside the Soviet Union. 712 01:02:33,768 --> 01:02:38,522 - I wish we hadn't lost Boyer. - They were on horseback. We were on foot! 713 01:02:44,988 --> 01:02:46,989 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 714 01:02:55,248 --> 01:02:57,166 [WHISPERING] It's the Tadzhik highway patrol. 715 01:02:57,334 --> 01:02:58,375 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 716 01:02:58,919 --> 01:03:03,297 They were just sitting there in the dark. They heard our entire conversation. 717 01:03:03,465 --> 01:03:05,257 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 718 01:03:05,425 --> 01:03:06,842 [WHISPERING] What are they saying? 719 01:03:07,010 --> 01:03:10,346 [IN NORMAL VOICE] He says we needn't bother whispering anymore. 720 01:03:10,847 --> 01:03:12,681 Come on, let's get out of here. 721 01:03:12,891 --> 01:03:16,310 - We try that, they'll cut us down. - We can't just go with them. 722 01:03:16,519 --> 01:03:18,395 FITZ-HUME: What other choice do we have? 723 01:03:18,563 --> 01:03:21,941 If we give ourselves up, the state department can work out an exchange... 724 01:03:22,108 --> 01:03:23,359 ...to get us home. - Not me! 725 01:03:28,698 --> 01:03:29,949 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 726 01:03:30,492 --> 01:03:32,201 Hi! Just me. 727 01:03:33,119 --> 01:03:35,120 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 728 01:03:36,665 --> 01:03:38,791 [CHUCKLES] 729 01:03:52,222 --> 01:03:54,014 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 730 01:03:54,182 --> 01:03:56,141 [SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN] 731 01:03:57,060 --> 01:03:59,019 I was just looking for the Burt Reynolds Theater. 732 01:03:59,187 --> 01:04:01,021 [SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN] 733 01:04:03,441 --> 01:04:05,693 Don't I get a phone call? 734 01:04:14,661 --> 01:04:16,453 Who do you intend to call? 735 01:04:16,621 --> 01:04:17,663 [GASPS] 736 01:04:23,086 --> 01:04:26,088 Goddamn it. He gives himself up. 737 01:04:26,256 --> 01:04:28,257 [PANTING] 738 01:04:30,677 --> 01:04:33,344 - What's your objective? - My objective? 739 01:04:33,554 --> 01:04:37,932 I object to taking a girl out and buying her dinner and then she won't put out for you. 740 01:04:38,100 --> 01:04:39,851 [LAUGHS] 741 01:04:41,770 --> 01:04:46,774 - Why are you here? - Why am I here? Why are you here? 742 01:04:46,942 --> 01:04:50,069 Why is anybody here? I think it was Jean-Paul Sartre who said... 743 01:04:50,237 --> 01:04:52,155 How do you spell Sartre? Ow! 744 01:04:52,614 --> 01:04:54,157 And let that be a lesson to you! 745 01:04:54,324 --> 01:04:56,617 Every minute you don't tell us why you're here... 746 01:04:56,785 --> 01:04:58,703 ...I cut off a finger. 747 01:04:58,871 --> 01:05:01,330 - Mine or yours? - Yours. 748 01:05:01,540 --> 01:05:02,582 Damn! 749 01:05:02,833 --> 01:05:06,335 Oh! Why are you still hitting me? He's gonna cut my fingers off. 750 01:05:06,503 --> 01:05:09,922 - You have 30 seconds. - You're not gonna hum the Jeopardy theme? 751 01:05:10,132 --> 01:05:13,509 We start with the little one. 752 01:05:13,677 --> 01:05:16,304 All right. All right. I'm an American agent. 753 01:05:16,638 --> 01:05:17,638 And...? 754 01:05:17,806 --> 01:05:19,474 [STAMMERING] And, uh... 755 01:05:19,641 --> 01:05:23,352 They sent me here to assassinate your premier. 756 01:05:23,562 --> 01:05:27,940 - I knew it! Pay up. - Let's cut his fingers off anyway. 757 01:05:28,108 --> 01:05:29,817 No. 758 01:05:29,985 --> 01:05:33,029 Let's take him back to headquarters in Moscow. 759 01:05:33,197 --> 01:05:36,407 Good move. Good move. Headquarters. 760 01:05:40,245 --> 01:05:42,705 It shouldn't be much further now. We've made good time. 761 01:05:42,873 --> 01:05:45,666 We'll go on foot from here. 762 01:05:45,834 --> 01:05:49,420 [SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN] 763 01:06:02,726 --> 01:06:04,727 [GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE] 764 01:06:12,361 --> 01:06:15,738 Oh. Ah! Oh! Oh! Oh! 765 01:06:16,323 --> 01:06:17,740 [ECHOING] Oh! 766 01:06:18,158 --> 01:06:19,909 [GRUNTING AND YELLING] 767 01:06:26,458 --> 01:06:28,042 Goddamn it! 768 01:06:36,801 --> 01:06:38,552 Huh? Huh! 769 01:06:38,719 --> 01:06:39,928 Ah! Oh! 770 01:06:40,221 --> 01:06:41,888 Oh! Whoa! 771 01:06:45,726 --> 01:06:47,477 Hi. Heh-heh-heh. 772 01:06:47,645 --> 01:06:50,230 How you doing? Remember me? 773 01:06:50,439 --> 01:06:53,650 - What are you doing here? - What are you doing here? 774 01:06:53,860 --> 01:06:57,028 They surprised us. Border troops. 775 01:06:57,238 --> 01:06:58,613 They got my partner. 776 01:06:58,823 --> 01:07:01,408 - Did they get you too? - I'm fine! 777 01:07:01,576 --> 01:07:06,413 No wonder neither of you could do that appendix operation. You're spies like us! 778 01:07:06,581 --> 01:07:10,333 - You mean you're...? - Austin Millbarge. I'm a GLG-20. 779 01:07:10,501 --> 01:07:12,544 So... 780 01:07:12,712 --> 01:07:16,423 ...you two are the other GLG-20s. The decoys! 781 01:07:16,632 --> 01:07:18,884 - Decoys?! - Lower your voice. 782 01:07:19,093 --> 01:07:23,388 That's why they rushed us through training, why we were met by the KGB... 783 01:07:23,598 --> 01:07:26,558 ...why they sent us into enemy hands. - Right. 784 01:07:26,767 --> 01:07:31,396 I am extremely pissed off. My partner and I were set up. 785 01:07:31,606 --> 01:07:35,942 Forget it, that's behind us. Our first priority is to cover those bodies... 786 01:07:36,110 --> 01:07:40,322 ...establish a new base camp and complete this project. 787 01:07:40,531 --> 01:07:45,744 Project? Fitz-Hume is in the custody of the Tadzhik highway patrol because of you. 788 01:07:48,831 --> 01:07:52,584 The only project I have to complete is to get my partner out. 789 01:08:10,102 --> 01:08:13,772 Fitz-Hume! Fitz-Hume! 790 01:08:21,239 --> 01:08:24,324 [GUNS FIRING] 791 01:08:26,118 --> 01:08:27,160 Come on! 792 01:08:28,079 --> 01:08:30,705 Ah! Oh! 793 01:08:38,922 --> 01:08:43,342 - Look at this. Did you do that? - Yeah, I did that for you. 794 01:08:54,521 --> 01:08:55,729 [SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN] 795 01:08:57,482 --> 01:08:59,275 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 796 01:09:03,530 --> 01:09:05,531 [GUNFIRE CONTINUES] 797 01:09:09,786 --> 01:09:14,790 You know, I must really like you because I don't like horses and I hate guns. 798 01:09:23,842 --> 01:09:27,469 [SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN] 799 01:09:34,936 --> 01:09:37,521 - What's this? - You don't want it! 800 01:09:45,238 --> 01:09:47,239 [SCREAMING] 801 01:09:49,743 --> 01:09:50,743 Duck! 802 01:10:05,759 --> 01:10:07,468 I'll get the horse. 803 01:10:19,314 --> 01:10:20,564 MILLBARGE: Let's go! 804 01:10:23,318 --> 01:10:25,402 Hi-yo, Silver! Away! 805 01:10:36,122 --> 01:10:37,330 Hah! 806 01:10:55,265 --> 01:10:58,267 [THE BAR-KAYS' "SOUL FINGER" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 807 01:11:02,815 --> 01:11:06,651 It's "Soul Finger" by the Bar-kays. 808 01:11:07,528 --> 01:11:10,113 They must be having trouble getting gigs. 809 01:11:10,906 --> 01:11:13,366 [HORSE NEIGHS] 810 01:11:24,837 --> 01:11:25,878 Wow. 811 01:11:28,549 --> 01:11:31,634 This is a Soviet ICBM site. 812 01:11:37,182 --> 01:11:41,894 MILLBARGE: That's an SS-50 long-range rocket and mobile launcher. 813 01:11:46,525 --> 01:11:49,819 They just moved it in here. Haven't even put up their locator beacon. 814 01:11:49,987 --> 01:11:53,906 Means they're not hooked in to Soviet defense. They are radio-isolated. 815 01:11:54,116 --> 01:11:55,324 Only three men. 816 01:11:55,492 --> 01:11:57,243 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 817 01:11:57,494 --> 01:11:58,494 And their mother. 818 01:12:10,716 --> 01:12:12,091 Oh! 819 01:12:16,138 --> 01:12:17,138 Let me see that. 820 01:12:17,890 --> 01:12:18,890 Come on! 821 01:12:30,068 --> 01:12:32,820 Honestly. You two are unbelievable. 822 01:12:33,739 --> 01:12:38,075 - Wait a minute. What are we doing here? - This is our final objective. 823 01:12:38,285 --> 01:12:42,287 Our project orders are to subdue the crew and seize control of this emplacement. 824 01:12:42,455 --> 01:12:46,166 Hold it, sister. We're not going near that thing. That missile is tipped with... 825 01:12:46,334 --> 01:12:48,960 ...a 40-megaton nuclear warhead. - Good night, everybody. 826 01:12:49,128 --> 01:12:50,921 - Where are you going? - Home. 827 01:12:51,130 --> 01:12:55,258 For once, I am in complete agreement. We should all get up and leave immediately. 828 01:12:55,426 --> 01:12:57,052 You know what those things can do? 829 01:12:57,220 --> 01:13:00,055 Suck the paint off your house and give your family an orange Afro. 830 01:13:00,223 --> 01:13:04,434 I don't care what you two do, but I'm fulfilling my obligation. 831 01:13:04,602 --> 01:13:08,813 I intend to go down there and seize control of that emplacement alone if I have to. 832 01:13:08,981 --> 01:13:10,106 Now, wait a minute. 833 01:13:10,274 --> 01:13:13,527 You know we'd do anything for you, but we can't go seize that rocket. 834 01:13:13,694 --> 01:13:17,322 - We'd have to kill everybody down there. - And I'm not killing anybody. 835 01:13:17,657 --> 01:13:19,199 I'm not either. 836 01:13:26,374 --> 01:13:30,335 Gentlemen, I think you both should realize the gravity of this moment. 837 01:13:30,545 --> 01:13:35,465 I've spent the last two and a half years of my life preparing for this penetration. 838 01:13:35,675 --> 01:13:38,635 This afternoon I buried my partner, Jerry Hadley... 839 01:13:38,803 --> 01:13:43,557 ...perhaps the finest, most dedicated GLG-20 in the history of the service. 840 01:13:43,766 --> 01:13:46,476 He is now forever entombed in a snowy grave. 841 01:13:46,644 --> 01:13:48,562 And it's not going to be for nothing! 842 01:13:49,772 --> 01:13:54,818 We are here today to guarantee the personal freedom of every American. 843 01:13:55,027 --> 01:13:59,948 And we should never forget the words of President John F. Kennedy, who said: 844 01:14:00,116 --> 01:14:02,826 "Ask not what your country can do for you... 845 01:14:03,035 --> 01:14:06,288 ...but what you can do for your country." 846 01:14:09,041 --> 01:14:10,208 Will you marry me? 847 01:14:18,384 --> 01:14:19,593 Now... 848 01:14:20,678 --> 01:14:24,139 These are high-compression tranquilizer pistols. 849 01:14:24,307 --> 01:14:26,766 We're not going to kill anybody... 850 01:14:27,101 --> 01:14:30,854 ...but you've got to get in close to use them. 851 01:14:34,025 --> 01:14:36,026 [MONITORS BEEPING] 852 01:14:43,366 --> 01:14:46,619 Hours, T-minus two until designated target apogee. 853 01:14:50,290 --> 01:14:54,168 TECH 1: Sir, all air traffic has been diverted from our response corridor. 854 01:14:54,377 --> 01:14:57,838 What's our present on-line power reading? 855 01:14:58,256 --> 01:15:01,592 Michigan reactor and Washington State atomic plants on-line, general. 856 01:15:03,887 --> 01:15:05,304 Lock us in, sergeant. 857 01:15:13,563 --> 01:15:14,897 W.A.M.P. Secure, sir. 858 01:15:16,524 --> 01:15:20,235 All right. Let's go to response level yellow. 859 01:15:20,528 --> 01:15:22,905 WOMAN: Initiating level yellow. 860 01:15:23,657 --> 01:15:25,658 [ALARM BLARING] 861 01:15:52,394 --> 01:15:54,603 Run your full servo and arming. 862 01:16:25,260 --> 01:16:27,261 [ALARM BLARING] 863 01:16:32,142 --> 01:16:34,560 Servo on and armed. 864 01:16:36,813 --> 01:16:38,814 [ALARM BLARING] 865 01:16:40,817 --> 01:16:42,817 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 866 01:16:42,985 --> 01:16:44,402 [ALL LAUGHING] 867 01:16:46,655 --> 01:16:48,656 [CHATTERING IN RUSSIAN] 868 01:16:58,625 --> 01:16:59,667 [SIGHS] 869 01:16:59,835 --> 01:17:01,919 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 870 01:17:02,087 --> 01:17:03,713 "Soul Finger." 871 01:17:03,964 --> 01:17:05,590 [THE BAR-KAYS' "SOUL FINGER" PLAYS] 872 01:17:09,720 --> 01:17:10,928 "Soul Finger." 873 01:17:26,487 --> 01:17:28,488 [FIREWORKS POPPING] 874 01:17:36,497 --> 01:17:38,498 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 875 01:17:49,927 --> 01:17:51,511 FITZ-HUME: What's she saying? 876 01:17:52,221 --> 01:17:54,597 Hair... Hairbrush... Headrest. 877 01:17:55,057 --> 01:17:57,266 Jesus, where'd you learn your Russian, J.C. Penney? 878 01:17:57,434 --> 01:17:59,435 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 879 01:18:05,108 --> 01:18:08,402 When she was a child in Lithuania, her uncle used to tell a story... 880 01:18:08,570 --> 01:18:12,824 ...about strange beings that came down from a disk and stole an ox... 881 01:18:13,033 --> 01:18:16,494 ...which the village had put aside for roasting. 882 01:18:16,703 --> 01:18:20,122 I told you it would work. Everybody knows about UFOs. 883 01:18:20,332 --> 01:18:23,793 Apparently the aliens from the silver disk dissected the ox... 884 01:18:23,961 --> 01:18:26,504 ...and kept the best pieces of meat for themselves. 885 01:18:26,713 --> 01:18:28,965 So what? So we owe them a cow. 886 01:18:30,342 --> 01:18:32,677 Where do we get one? 887 01:18:54,031 --> 01:18:55,365 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 888 01:18:58,452 --> 01:18:59,619 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 889 01:19:05,334 --> 01:19:06,626 Do what I do. 890 01:19:06,794 --> 01:19:20,473 [MAKES CHOKING SOUNDS] 891 01:19:34,155 --> 01:19:35,989 [GRUNTING] 892 01:19:37,241 --> 01:19:38,825 [GUN FIRES] 893 01:19:39,744 --> 01:19:42,412 Satscram signal from the strike site. 894 01:19:42,622 --> 01:19:46,082 Your GLG-20s have penetrated successfully and are awaiting the go-code. 895 01:19:46,250 --> 01:19:49,169 Open and lock down ground deflectors. 896 01:20:25,665 --> 01:20:27,832 Ground deflectors opened and locked. 897 01:20:29,502 --> 01:20:31,503 [ALARM BLARING] 898 01:20:42,056 --> 01:20:45,808 - Okay, Dostoyevsky, what does it say? - It says: 899 01:20:46,017 --> 01:20:48,018 "Approach SS-50... 900 01:20:48,228 --> 01:20:51,772 ...source programmable rocket." 901 01:20:59,572 --> 01:21:00,823 Easy. 902 01:21:01,032 --> 01:21:05,703 "Find control box at front of transporter." 903 01:21:08,999 --> 01:21:10,499 This is a snap. 904 01:21:10,917 --> 01:21:14,628 "For erector panel, push red button." 905 01:21:17,340 --> 01:21:18,674 [MACHINE WHIRS] 906 01:21:24,055 --> 01:21:25,431 [BEEPS] 907 01:21:27,392 --> 01:21:29,309 "Depress red key switch. 908 01:21:30,770 --> 01:21:33,272 - Enter first numbered sequence." - Go. 909 01:21:33,606 --> 01:21:34,940 "Three-three-nine... 910 01:21:36,276 --> 01:21:38,277 ...dash two-five-nine... 911 01:21:39,237 --> 01:21:40,320 ...dash six. 912 01:21:42,741 --> 01:21:45,451 Acknowledge compliance on Satscram now." 913 01:21:45,618 --> 01:21:48,746 GLG-20s acknowledge programming and compliance. 914 01:21:48,955 --> 01:21:51,457 Bring all birds into final bounce mode. 915 01:22:54,019 --> 01:22:55,853 Bounce mode engaged. 916 01:22:57,397 --> 01:22:59,524 Send them the go-code. 917 01:23:13,413 --> 01:23:16,374 "Go with numbered sequence, seven-four... 918 01:23:17,459 --> 01:23:19,544 ...dash seven-four... 919 01:23:19,795 --> 01:23:21,879 ...dash eight-eight-three... 920 01:23:22,047 --> 01:23:24,173 ...dash five, dash three." 921 01:23:27,594 --> 01:23:29,595 [SIGNAL BLARING] 922 01:23:37,062 --> 01:23:38,938 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 923 01:24:28,947 --> 01:24:32,200 SAC-COM confirms an outbound blip from Soviet Central Asia. 924 01:24:33,118 --> 01:24:34,202 It's on its way. 925 01:24:34,411 --> 01:24:37,914 Override all SAC alerts with stand-down orders for 10 minutes. 926 01:24:39,458 --> 01:24:41,375 TECH 1: SAC override code, entered. 927 01:24:41,627 --> 01:24:43,461 Error. Stand down. 928 01:25:15,284 --> 01:25:17,327 I think we just started World War Ill. 929 01:25:17,536 --> 01:25:21,331 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 930 01:25:21,540 --> 01:25:24,125 She wants to know why we would do such a thing. 931 01:25:27,296 --> 01:25:28,713 Tell her so do we. 932 01:25:29,590 --> 01:25:31,591 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 933 01:25:37,431 --> 01:25:39,432 [BOTH SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 934 01:25:42,311 --> 01:25:45,021 - What are they saying? - It's 4:47 a.m. 935 01:25:45,273 --> 01:25:49,109 They're saying it'll be 28 minutes before the rocket detonates above its target... 936 01:25:49,277 --> 01:25:51,695 ...somewhere inside the continental United States. 937 01:25:56,200 --> 01:25:59,911 Let's see, 28 minutes. That's 18 until it's inside the U.S. Radar cup. 938 01:26:00,121 --> 01:26:04,541 Figure two for our response, say 20 until total commitment. 939 01:26:04,750 --> 01:26:09,212 Figure 20, 22 until the first impact of our retaliatory strike. 940 01:26:09,422 --> 01:26:13,758 I figure we have 42 minutes until the end of civilization as we know it. 941 01:26:18,097 --> 01:26:21,683 - You want to go out with a bang? - I beg your pardon? 942 01:26:22,893 --> 01:26:24,102 Just an idea. 943 01:26:24,353 --> 01:26:28,106 You know, if we were sitting in a bar, I'd throw a drink right in your face. 944 01:26:32,737 --> 01:26:34,946 But under the circumstances... 945 01:26:35,156 --> 01:26:36,990 ...it's not such a bad idea. 946 01:26:49,211 --> 01:26:51,211 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 947 01:27:22,786 --> 01:27:24,078 [CHUCKLES] 948 01:28:12,085 --> 01:28:14,169 [PULSATING] 949 01:28:14,337 --> 01:28:15,504 [BEEPS] 950 01:28:17,924 --> 01:28:19,591 Release full pulse. 951 01:28:20,218 --> 01:28:21,218 Three... 952 01:28:22,262 --> 01:28:23,762 ...two... 953 01:28:24,431 --> 01:28:25,431 ...one. 954 01:28:25,682 --> 01:28:26,682 Mark. 955 01:28:35,692 --> 01:28:37,568 [ALARM BLARING] 956 01:28:37,735 --> 01:28:40,779 Bounce pulse failed to connect with target, sir. 957 01:28:41,448 --> 01:28:44,199 - Just what are you saying, soldier? - We missed it, sir. 958 01:28:44,367 --> 01:28:46,702 - What? - We missed the rocket. It didn't work. 959 01:28:48,746 --> 01:28:51,540 Didn't work? Where did the pulse go? 960 01:28:51,749 --> 01:28:54,709 Don't know, sir, but it definitely didn't connect. 961 01:28:54,918 --> 01:28:56,919 [MUSIC PLAYING OVER MONITOR] 962 01:29:04,386 --> 01:29:06,679 - Wow. - Excellent! 963 01:29:11,018 --> 01:29:13,728 - We'd better call the president. - We're not calling anyone. 964 01:29:13,896 --> 01:29:15,897 What do you mean, we're not calling anyone? 965 01:29:16,064 --> 01:29:19,775 The president must know that this attack was not initiated by the Soviet Union. 966 01:29:23,906 --> 01:29:26,574 We are prepared for this contingency. 967 01:29:27,242 --> 01:29:29,035 What in hell do you intend to do? 968 01:29:29,203 --> 01:29:30,745 You understand, sir... 969 01:29:30,913 --> 01:29:34,707 ...that we are responsible for launching a nuclear weapon against our own country! 970 01:29:34,875 --> 01:29:38,419 No one outside this command center has that information, gentlemen. 971 01:29:38,879 --> 01:29:41,756 When we commissioned the Schmectel Corporation to research... 972 01:29:41,924 --> 01:29:45,176 ...this precise event-sequence scenario, it was determined... 973 01:29:45,344 --> 01:29:48,971 ...that the continual stockpiling and development of our nuclear arsenal... 974 01:29:49,181 --> 01:29:54,435 ...was becoming self-defeating. A weapon unused is a useless weapon. 975 01:29:54,895 --> 01:29:57,813 TECH 1: SAC-COM confirms. All defense systems commitment ready. 976 01:29:58,023 --> 01:30:02,109 We have verification. The president is aboard the airborne command center now. 977 01:30:03,487 --> 01:30:08,616 I'm sure it will only be a matter of minutes before the president commits to total release. 978 01:30:11,537 --> 01:30:13,704 Jesus Christ. 979 01:30:18,627 --> 01:30:23,923 You see, we had to show that we had the technical capability... 980 01:30:24,508 --> 01:30:26,008 ...and were determined. 981 01:30:27,636 --> 01:30:32,640 History demonstrates conclusively that naive wishing for peace... 982 01:30:33,141 --> 01:30:37,353 ...is the surest possible way to encourage an aggressor. 983 01:30:37,521 --> 01:30:40,231 I demand you place me in communication with the president! 984 01:30:40,399 --> 01:30:43,818 Relax, Mr. Ruby. This facility is more than adequately stocked... 985 01:30:44,027 --> 01:30:46,946 ...for a comfortable 17 months of below-ground existence. 986 01:30:47,155 --> 01:30:48,364 We'll be fine. 987 01:30:48,615 --> 01:30:51,993 By your actions, sir, you are risking the future of the human race! 988 01:30:53,495 --> 01:30:56,580 To guarantee the American way of life... 989 01:30:57,415 --> 01:31:00,208 ...I'm willing to take that risk. 990 01:31:10,845 --> 01:31:14,347 MILLBARGE: Hard to believe it's been only 15 minutes since I destroyed the world. 991 01:31:15,349 --> 01:31:18,059 In another 15 minutes, it'll all be over. 992 01:31:18,436 --> 01:31:21,187 Such a short time to destroy a world. 993 01:31:21,647 --> 01:31:25,859 And to think my high school guidance counselor said I'd never amount to anything. 994 01:31:26,068 --> 01:31:27,569 It just goes to show... 995 01:31:27,778 --> 01:31:30,655 Guidance? Source Programmable guidance! 996 01:31:31,115 --> 01:31:34,618 Fitz-Hume! Boyer! Get up! Get up! 997 01:31:36,162 --> 01:31:39,497 [MILLBARGE SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN] 998 01:31:39,665 --> 01:31:42,292 Come on! Come on! 999 01:31:43,628 --> 01:31:46,588 Fitz-Hume! Boyer! 1000 01:31:48,716 --> 01:31:50,342 [STRUGGLING TO SPEAK IN RUSSIAN] 1001 01:31:50,509 --> 01:31:52,260 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 1002 01:31:54,180 --> 01:31:55,847 Wait a minute. What's going on here? 1003 01:31:56,098 --> 01:31:58,725 - You have a tent? - Bring me the Satscram dish. 1004 01:31:58,934 --> 01:32:00,226 I think we can recall it. 1005 01:32:00,394 --> 01:32:02,896 What do you mean? You mean like a defective Pinto? 1006 01:32:03,105 --> 01:32:04,814 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 1007 01:32:05,941 --> 01:32:08,902 Take this up. Up. Climb! Uh... 1008 01:32:09,070 --> 01:32:10,779 [SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN] 1009 01:32:10,946 --> 01:32:13,782 Grab a rock! Grab a hammer! We can divert it! 1010 01:32:13,949 --> 01:32:17,452 It's made to respond to in-flight commands through their sat-relay network. 1011 01:32:17,620 --> 01:32:20,580 - Here's a rock. - Go to the Satscram terminal. 1012 01:32:22,625 --> 01:32:24,501 - Now what? - Smash that thing. 1013 01:32:25,169 --> 01:32:28,088 [POPPING] 1014 01:32:29,590 --> 01:32:31,758 - It's broken. - Bring it here. 1015 01:32:31,967 --> 01:32:33,218 Not the rock. 1016 01:32:36,931 --> 01:32:39,015 What's the use? It's probably all over anyway. 1017 01:32:39,183 --> 01:32:42,602 No, no, no. All we have to do is switch sending boards. 1018 01:32:45,773 --> 01:32:49,567 Boyer, start sending the launch sequence in reverse order. 1019 01:32:49,985 --> 01:32:50,985 Yes, sir. 1020 01:32:51,153 --> 01:32:53,113 [PUNCHING IN CODE] 1021 01:32:58,159 --> 01:33:01,745 Fitz-Hume, hold these together. 1022 01:33:02,247 --> 01:33:05,124 I've got to make the splice. Hold it together. 1023 01:33:05,667 --> 01:33:07,960 - Ow! I got a shock. - And you will. 1024 01:33:08,128 --> 01:33:11,130 I don't care how painful it is, you've got to hold them together. 1025 01:33:11,297 --> 01:33:12,965 You are the circuit bridge. 1026 01:33:13,216 --> 01:33:15,843 - But, but, but... - I need... 1027 01:33:16,511 --> 01:33:17,636 Bigger than a bread box? 1028 01:33:17,804 --> 01:33:20,973 - I need... - The title of a movie? 1029 01:33:24,310 --> 01:33:27,479 Animals in their natural habitats? Book title? Things that are round? 1030 01:33:27,647 --> 01:33:30,274 Things that are square. Things that are being electrocuted? 1031 01:33:30,442 --> 01:33:32,359 - Got it! - Ah! 1032 01:33:41,828 --> 01:33:44,830 Miles: Five... 1033 01:33:45,039 --> 01:33:46,039 ...zero... 1034 01:33:46,833 --> 01:33:47,875 ...zero... 1035 01:33:56,509 --> 01:33:58,385 - We did it! - We did? 1036 01:33:59,012 --> 01:34:00,053 We did it! 1037 01:34:00,221 --> 01:34:02,556 [LAUGHING] 1038 01:34:02,724 --> 01:34:04,641 Can I borrow your tent? 1039 01:34:05,643 --> 01:34:09,229 SAC-COM confirms destruction of the inbound at Zulu 3000 hours. 1040 01:34:09,397 --> 01:34:12,316 - What about the rest of their inbounds? TECH 2: There are none, sir. 1041 01:34:12,525 --> 01:34:15,903 Both the U.S. And Soviet response chain on full recall. 1042 01:34:16,821 --> 01:34:19,782 Damn. Recall. 1043 01:34:19,991 --> 01:34:21,408 [ALARM BLARING] 1044 01:34:22,869 --> 01:34:24,286 [EXPLOSION] 1045 01:34:44,057 --> 01:34:47,017 - Place them under arrest. All of them. - Wait! 1046 01:34:47,227 --> 01:34:49,812 - We don't know these men. - Oh! We were kidnapped! 1047 01:34:50,021 --> 01:34:52,439 - That's right! Kidnapped! RUBY: We were! 1048 01:34:52,649 --> 01:34:54,191 We were at the drive-in! 1049 01:34:54,609 --> 01:34:59,028 As the disarmament talks continue through closed sessions... 1050 01:34:59,196 --> 01:35:02,865 ...last night and on into this afternoon, a feeling of positive anticipation... 1051 01:35:03,075 --> 01:35:05,117 ...is shared by everyone in the press corps. 1052 01:35:07,579 --> 01:35:09,664 The doors to the conference room are opening. 1053 01:35:09,873 --> 01:35:13,835 I see the chief United States delegate, Mr. Emmett Fitz-Hume. 1054 01:35:14,628 --> 01:35:16,712 ED: Mr. Fitz-Hume. - Hi, Ed. 1055 01:35:16,922 --> 01:35:21,843 Everybody at home is most anxious to know how things are going in there. 1056 01:35:22,052 --> 01:35:24,929 Well, Ed, right now we're at an extremely sensitive juncture. 1057 01:35:25,097 --> 01:35:28,641 And of course, the slightest misperceived phrase or gesture... 1058 01:35:28,851 --> 01:35:31,185 ...could upset everything we've achieved today. 1059 01:35:31,395 --> 01:35:34,564 - Now, if you'll excuse me, Ed. - Thank you, Mr. Fitz-Hume. 1060 01:35:34,773 --> 01:35:35,940 Thank you, Ed. 1061 01:35:36,108 --> 01:35:39,110 Mr. Emmett Fitz-Hume, chief state department negotiator... 1062 01:35:39,278 --> 01:35:42,613 ...here at the disarmament talks, re-entering what he has called... 1063 01:35:42,781 --> 01:35:45,116 ...the "delicately balanced negotiations." 1064 01:35:48,579 --> 01:35:50,329 Comrade! 1065 01:35:51,957 --> 01:35:53,082 [CLEARS THROAT] 1066 01:35:53,292 --> 01:35:54,750 Okay. 1067 01:35:55,043 --> 01:36:00,298 "What Little Richard song was the title of a 1950s movie... 1068 01:36:00,757 --> 01:36:03,551 ...starring Jayne Mansfield?" 1069 01:36:12,227 --> 01:36:14,520 "Good Golly Miss Molly"? 1070 01:36:16,815 --> 01:36:18,149 "Great Balls of Fire"? 1071 01:36:18,358 --> 01:36:20,818 Wrong! It was "The Girl Can't Help lt." 1072 01:36:21,111 --> 01:36:22,111 [GROANS] 1073 01:36:22,321 --> 01:36:24,280 - Sorry. You lose. - Eastern Europe. 1074 01:36:24,489 --> 01:36:25,990 Eastern Europe. 1075 01:42:03,825 --> 01:42:05,826 [ENGLISH SDH]