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From the beginning of mankind
and throughout the world's history,

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there have been clearly defined rituals
of manhood.

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See, these rituals were definitive

4
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in determining the exact moment
when a boy became a man.

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For example, there's the moment
when a boy joins the other men

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in his first engagement in battle.

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Did you know that they used to have
public circumcisions in front of the village?

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Thank God mine didn't go public.

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And the most significant moment of all,
marriage.

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That's right, I said it.

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In fact, marriage used to be
the ultimate goal of boys and men.

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Because in the old days,

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it was the only way a guy could get
what he really wanted from a girl.

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See now today? Woo!
Things have changed, people.

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I mean, men, we don't have to work
as hard to get what we want.

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We got the Internet, for God's sake.
I can be whatever I want on the Internet.

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Today, men have the home court advantage,

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which has left you ladies
with several different types of men.

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I mean, I don't even know where to start.
You got the Player.

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Hi, Zekey.

21
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You sexted?

22
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,428
Those aren't mine, asshole.

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You sure that's not...

24
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Wait a minute, I'm not done.
You got the Mama's Boy.

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Happy, Valentine's Day, sweetie.

26
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And you, too, Mom.

27
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Thank you, sweetie.

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You know, I think I'm just gonna
leave you two alone.

29
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Wait, babe, where are you going?

30
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It's okay, Michael. I don't want to intrude.

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- I'll call you?
- Or not.

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Poor little thing.

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She's blonde.

34
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You got the Dreamer. The Dreamer's funny.

35
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So I quit my job.

36
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Yeah,

37
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I wanna be a chef.

38
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You wanted to be a paramedic,
you wanted to be a PR agent, and now

39
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you wanna be a chef?

40
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Baby, it's my dream.

41
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Really, Dominic? Because I wanted
to be a ballerina and Janet Jackson.

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When I was seven.
Do you know what I wanna be now?

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No.

44
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Your ex.

45
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And last but not least,
you got the Non-Committer. Pass the ball!

46
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This one is from me.

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All right, baby.

48
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- All right! Now it's a party. Drum roll.
- Okay, big guy.

49
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Oh, my God. I will, I will, I will, yes!

50
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:42,452
You will what?

51
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Earrings

52
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that I will always treasure.

53
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You the man, boy.

54
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Told you.

55
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- Yo!
- You need a beer?

56
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Now I'm not saying there aren't
a lot of good men out there.

57
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Take, for instance, the Happily Married Man.

58
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Which brings us to my personal favorite,
you got the Happier Divorced Guy.

59
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Look at that smile.

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What I'm saying is,
the balance of power has shifted.

61
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But, Zeke, those aren't
my only issues with Gail,

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it's the nagging, it's the yelling,
it's the crazy mood swings.

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I mean, you're not gonna talk to me
no kind of way. I'm a grown-ass man.

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- Grown-ass man.
- You know me, Dom, I'm grown.

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Them weren't the only problems you
was having with Gail, though, right?

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- Yo, Zeke, do not get that man started.
- I'm asking a question!

67
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No, let's get me started up.
Turn the key! Say it, get it out!

68
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Rumor has it that Gail
was whooping that ass.

69
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What's the first word you said?

70
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- I think it was "whooping that ass."
- No, first word you said was "rumor."

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'Cause that's what it was, Zeke. It's a rumor.

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Ced, you walked in the gym the other day
with a little nugget in the side of your eye.

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I fell down the steps, Mike! Okay?
I got steps, my steps got a slope in them.

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You ever walked down a slope
with dress shoes on?

75
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Wait, so, she kicked your ass,
then you fell down the steps?

76
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- See, now it makes perfect sense.
- That's real funny.

77
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Look at the white man trying to make light
of the relationship issues

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- of a brother.
- It's not like that.

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No, it is like that.
Let me tell you something, J.

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Black people marched and died for the right
to fight and treat each other like shit.

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- Oh, my God.
- You did not march,

82
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you do not have that right.
Neither do you, Bennett.

83
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I saw it on TV.
They show those marches a lot in February.

84
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Stop.

85
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Your wife kicked your ass.
It's really not that big of a deal.

86
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- There's worse things.
- It's my ex-wife. Okay?

87
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Y'all need to get in the habit
of saying that. Ex-wife.

88
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You know, it really kills me how y'all like
to laugh at my pain.

89
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I can't wait till y'all experience
the shit I'm experiencing.

90
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I say Rush Street, first round on Bennett.

91
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I'm supposed to have dinner
with Kristen tonight.

92
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She'll understand, she's cool.
I'll send her a text.

93
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Welcome back, everybody.

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We are still here with
best-selling author Steve Harvey.

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Well, what I try to get women to understand
is that times have changed,

96
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but your playbook hasn't.

97
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I've gotten thousands of letters
from all kinds of women

98
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who can't seem to find a man, keep a man
or get what they want from their man.

99
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Until you understand how a man loves,

100
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how a man operates, how he thinks,

101
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until you get into the mindset of a man,

102
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you will never win with us
in the game of love.

103
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Well, we certainly want to win with you
in the game of love, Steve.

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- We have a question in the audience.
- Hi, Steve.

105
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I've been living
with my boyfriend for five years

106
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and he says that he loves me
and he's fully committed.

107
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I guess what I want to know
is how come he hasn't popped the question?

108
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He hasn't popped the question
because you haven't required him to.

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We'll be right back.

110
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- Can I get two beers?
- Hey!

111
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I'm Cedric. Cedric, Cedric.

112
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Yeah, I'm not married.
That's why I'm not wearing a ring.

113
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I'm sorry, but Jesus has my heart.

114
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Yeah, no, no, no, I get that. I love Jesus, too.

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I talked to him today,
I was like, "Jesus," I said, "I need a girl!"

116
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And I get here and I see you,
so I was like, "Thank you."

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You see Ced over there trying
to pull that PYT?

118
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Oh, she bad as hell.

119
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See, thinking like that, you lose the game
before you even step in.

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What are you talking about?

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I'ma go on and leave.

122
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She's crazy. And I don't like her knees.

123
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Excuse me, Miss, I noticed that you were...

124
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Honestly, I couldn't care less
about whatever it is you have to say.

125
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And I can appreciate that.

126
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I just know that I've seen you here before
and you're usually so stunning...

127
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And you'll always have those memories.

128
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In fact, why don't you walk away
and pretend this...

129
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I don't know what I did
to make you so defensive.

130
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All I'm saying is, whatever it is,
it's no reason to let yourself go, that's it.

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Let myself go?

132
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I didn't mean any disrespect...

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Let me tell your tired ass something.

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Something's changed.

135
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Usually, there's an aura,
there's a glint about you that I'm not seeing.

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And I don't know if it's a relationship
or if it's job related, it's just...

137
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Is that it?

138
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It's work related?

139
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Well, to be honest,

140
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I was laid off from my job
about two months ago.

141
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This damn economy.

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- How'd it go?
- Not good, man.

143
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Yo, I literally have nothing to say anymore.
I don't know what's going on.

144
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And my breath ain't right.

145
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- Drink a beer.
- You smell it?

146
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You can't let that steal your smile,
'cause that smile that I'm talking about,

147
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that's gonna get you that next CEO gig,
you get it?

148
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See now? See? You're smiling.

149
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Now I'm smiling.

150
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I'ma walk away from here like a fairy now,
'cause I'm all happy.

151
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- A fairy?
- Yeah.

152
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- Have a good evening.
- Thank you.

153
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:14,975
Got shot down.

154
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,018
Wait.

155
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She calling him back
for another episode of crazy.

156
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Here.

157
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She probably shot him down. Twice.

158
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Crazy, right? Man. Talking about Jesus
and she don't speak English and stuff, right?

159
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Luck of mine.
She actually gave me her damn number.

160
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,580
The Dark Knight strikes again.

161
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:37,831
How great is Kristen, man?

162
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:38,915
Nice.

163
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,083
She's a phenomenal girl.

164
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I just don't understand
why she's with this dude.

165
00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:43,503
- Nobody does.
- How good is your credit?

166
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,839
It's up. Low 400s, 430?

167
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:50,010
Goddamn! A 430?
You can't even get a Discover Card!

168
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,636
Don't white people start off
with a 500 credit score?

169
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,181
Five-fifty, 475 if you're a mulatto.

170
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Cedric!

171
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Yes, Gail.

172
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Gail, listen to what I'm trying to say!
Gail, I don't care!

173
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I don't care what you take out the garage!
Gail, you can take the whole damn garage.

174
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:06,151
Let me tell you something. Here's what
I want, and this is what's... Hello?

175
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,360
Gail?

176
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,570
Y'all, I swear...

177
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,447
She didn't let me finish my sentence.
I don't like that.

178
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:12,657
Hey, Ced. When's the divorce gonna be final?

179
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:16,203
Goodness, if I had to guess,
I'd say like four weeks, 367 hours,

180
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,787
22 minutes, 32 seconds.

181
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:18,914
That's just a guess.

182
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,624
- Who's counting?
- But you know what we should do?

183
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,876
We should take Cedric out
for celebration game night.

184
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:26,421
I can't do Sunday. This Sunday,
dinner with my ma. Little casserole action...

185
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:27,547
That's every Sunday.

186
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:31,009
I can't do Sunday either.
Jonah's got a violin recital.

187
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,470
My God, dude,
your kid has way too many recitals.

188
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:36,056
Wait a minute, hold on, wait.
Your son play the violin?

189
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,933
And the cello.
- Yo, he's gay.

190
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,143
- Playing the violin doesn't make him gay.
- Yes, it does.

191
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,479
- Name me one gay violinist.
- Your son.

192
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:46,024
Listen to this. Cedric is about
to be released from the shackles of Gail-Hell.

193
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,486
Forever. And we're about to miss it
for what? Another Jonah recital.

194
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,613
- By the way, he sucks.
- Really?

195
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,448
I'd expect that from them, not you.

196
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:56,034
- What do you mean, "them"?
- Like what, like black people or what?

197
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,369
Absolutely.

198
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,412
I don't get mad
because he's bold enough to say it.

199
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,331
Seriously, you have ears. Kid's tone-deaf.

200
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,875
This is his big solo.
They're playing the Gap Band.

201
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:07,128
You know, Dropped a Bomb on Me,
and he's got the last... "Baby!"

202
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,839
Look, I got a great idea.
I'll have my mom cook for us.

203
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,926
She'll make some chocolate chip cookies,
a big casserole. We'll do it the right way.

204
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,970
Mike, I almost punched you
in your damn face just now, man.

205
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,096
And I was gonna add a head butt.

206
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,974
I'm not going over your mom house
to celebrate my damn divorce party!

207
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,393
- We gotta eat. We can start there...
- I don't wanna eat with your mom!

208
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:22,769
I ain't going over his mom house.

209
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:26,189
Look, she just got the new Tyler Perry,
For Colored Girls on Blu-ray.

210
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:28,984
We'll just have a nice little fellas night,
a chill-out night.

211
00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:31,152
Let me tell you what happens,
Janet Jackson gets AIDS at the end

212
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,697
and some crazy guy throws his kids
out the window. You good?

213
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,448
- Can we party now? Let's do it!
- I hate you.

214
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,576
- All right, put 'em up!
- Yes, sir.

215
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:40,912
Fine, I'm in, man.

216
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,416
Life is great, fellas. May it never change.

217
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,919
None of us could have known that
the first bomb had been dropped.

218
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,421
The war had been declared.

219
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,966
And hard-worn secrets had now fallen
into the hands of the enemy.

220
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,219
We had been betrayed by one of our own.
A man.

221
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,971
I'm talking about a man with a penis.

222
00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,723
Someone who should know better.

223
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,642
And because of those actions,
a blitz was now on its way,

224
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:05,228
that would affect my entire Band of Brothers.

225
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,522
We have another question in the audience,
Steve.

226
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,025
Steve, I keep hooking up with guys
who don't want a relationship.

227
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:11,443
Why don't you stop hooking up?

228
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,652
Did you hear that?

229
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:17,699
Listen, men respect women
who have standards. Just get some.

230
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:19,534
Exactly.

231
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:22,996
Steve, I'm a partner in my law firm,
I own my own home,

232
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,040
but I've been single for three years.

233
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,834
Why can't I seem to find a man to live up
to my standards?

234
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,961
Maybe you need to adjust them a little bit.

235
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,963
- Bullshit.
- Are you saying that we should settle?

236
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,633
Look, you make six figures. Does he have to?

237
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,717
Yes.

238
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,136
You own your own home. Does he have to?

239
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,304
Yes and yes.

240
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,014
We have another question here
in the audience.

241
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:44,934
Hi, Steve. I'm currently dating
and I just wanna know

242
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:49,064
when is the right time for me
to introduce my man to my kid?

243
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:53,818
I know that single women don't want to have
a parade of men coming through the house.

244
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,070
- Exactly!
- I get that.

245
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,197
- But if a guy is a serious contender...
- What up, Momma?

246
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,531
Excuse you?

247
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:00,492
- ...bring him in as soon as possible.
- Morning, Mom.

248
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:04,329
Because if you invest six months in a man
and then you introduce him to the kids

249
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,916
and he's not feeling the kids, or vice versa,

250
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,710
then guess what?
You just wasted six months.

251
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,754
That's true. Did that.

252
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:23,306
Alex?

253
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:27,686
Alex!

254
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,145
Wake up!

255
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,318
Look, babe, I got us two double-shot lattes.

256
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,612
- Thanks, baby.
- Here.

257
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:40,615
Figured we needed some caffeine
after last night.

258
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,784
It was amazing.

259
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,039
I'm gonna go and freshen up.

260
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,668
So, I'll be right back.

261
00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:53,545
I'll be right here.

262
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,424
Don't move.

263
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:58,633
Don't worry, I won't.

264
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:04,514
So, babe, I was thinking maybe
we could go on our first real date.

265
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,391
- We could go see a movie?
- Yeah, babe.

266
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,186
We should do that. Things between us
are gonna start getting real serious, baby.

267
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:14,107
Okay, so I was thinking maybe we could
go see the new Tyler Perry movie.

268
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,484
You know, the one where the guy's,
like, mean to his girlfriend,

269
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:20,864
and a nice guy comes and rescues her
and at the end, they both find Jesus.

270
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:25,368
Alex? So, yes to the Tyler Perry movie?

271
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,620
Alex!

272
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:34,627
"Michelle"?

273
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,048
It's Mya, asshole!

274
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:40,967
Mya.

275
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,972
Did this nigga take my coffee?

276
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:49,058
It was like some long-hidden truth
had finally been released

277
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,269
in hardcover and paperback.

278
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,188
For my book club.

279
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:54,898
- For me!
- For my mom!

280
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,650
For the first time in their lives,
women all over

281
00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:00,612
stopped turning to other women
for relationship advice.

282
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:01,821
Really?

283
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:03,072
I got one too many.

284
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,240
Thank you.

285
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:07,494
Instead, they went straight to a man,
Steve Harvey.

286
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:11,372
He had made his name as a comedian,
but this shit here? This wasn't funny.

287
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:14,667
And because of this,
things would never be the same.

288
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,691
Excuse me?

289
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,320
Yeah, hi. Hey, did you by any chance
go to Fairfax High?

290
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:43,780
Yes.

291
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,406
I went there as well. Michael Hanover.

292
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,408
- Candace Hall.
- Yeah, I remember.

293
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,035
I had classes with your sister Lisa.

294
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,412
- Next in line.
- I'm sorry, I don't recognize you.

295
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:55,291
Well, yeah, I was, like, five feet tall,
99 pounds when we graduated.

296
00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:57,627
I had the glasses and the buck teeth.

297
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,339
That look familiar, maybe down here?

298
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:02,841
Yeah, you do.

299
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,886
I don't know if that's a good thing
or a bad thing. You dissing me already?

300
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,055
Well, you've grown up. Quite nicely.

301
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,558
And you haven't changed a bit.
You look amazing.

302
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:15,395
Well, you need to put those
glasses back on, obviously.

303
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,856
No, actually, I'm nearsighted.

304
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,900
Besides, I mean, how could I forget
my teenage crush?

305
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,945
I used to look at you walk down the hallway

306
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,823
and just fall into your smile.

307
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:30,827
I'm rambling, I do that when I get nervous.

308
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,495
Next in line.

309
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,206
Well, it was nice meeting, I mean, seeing you.

310
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,334
It's nice finally being seen.

311
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:39,919
Next in line, please.

312
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,303
Candace?

313
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,347
Could we go grab a cup of coffee
or something?

314
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,099
We could maybe catch up
on old times we never had.

315
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,352
I can't, actually. I have to pick up my...

316
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,770
- Husband?
- No...

317
00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:59,689
- You got a boyfriend?
- No, I have a son.

318
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,364
Well, how about dinner?

319
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:14,329
Yeah.

320
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,500
- I finally get it.
- Get what?

321
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:22,503
Getting Jeremy to propose
is like getting Jeremy to paint the kitchen

322
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:23,963
or put the toilet seat down.

323
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:27,508
It's not gonna happen until I require him to.

324
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:30,345
And I haven't required him
to do a damn thing.

325
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:32,472
You know we still go halfsies on everything?

326
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,141
- I thought that was your idea.
- Yeah, in college.

327
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,310
He was work study and I felt sorry for him.

328
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,562
And I am still paying for it, to this day.

329
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,105
Hey, I'm Kristen.

330
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,399
- Hi, welcome.
- Welcome, please sign in.

331
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:47,028
- Congratulations.
- Thank you. Six months.

332
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,655
Yeah, and we can't wait.

333
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,531
Thank you.

334
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,867
Here, come on.

335
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,578
- Watch your step.
- See, that is a man with a plan.

336
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,914
He knows what he wants,
he knows what he has.

337
00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:03,169
I sell beautiful homes for a living
and we live in a frat house for the boys.

338
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,588
Last Valentine's Day, the boys were there.

339
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:06,881
So, you're saying, you're...

340
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,760
My God, I'm one of the boys,
except I have a vagina!

341
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,346
I swear to God, Frodo Baggins had it easier.

342
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,015
- I'm sorry, who?
- Frodo, from The Hobbit.

343
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,433
I don't do hobbits.

344
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:21,187
Right, no, me neither. That's so lame.
Jeremy had a chess set.

345
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,522
It's totally stupid.

346
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,773
Okay, so what are you gonna do?

347
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,441
You're gonna trick him
into giving you a ring?

348
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:29,737
I'm not gonna trick him.
I'm going to require him.

349
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,531
It's been nine years.

350
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,533
So, what makes you think
it's gonna change now?

351
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,034
I've got some new information.

352
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,369
Oh, you do?

353
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:39,914
Yeah, because Steve says
"Don't hate the Player..."

354
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,041
Change the game.

355
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:44,252
It's your shot. Wait!

356
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:45,420
You gotta raise your left leg.

357
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,428
H-O, you're a ho.

358
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:54,721
Really? I'm a ho?

359
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:56,389
I've been with the same woman
for nine years.

360
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,391
I'm the Stedman Graham of relationships,
all right?

361
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,309
Bro, I'm not saying ho like "whore."

362
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:02,729
I'm saying ho, like punk bitch
that's been henpecked,

363
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:05,481
so he ain't got no more nuts,
'cause his girl runs the house.

364
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:07,900
- Speaking of which, how's Kristen?
- She's incredible.

365
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:11,070
We were up till 2:00 a.m.
playing Call ofDuty last night. She loved it.

366
00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:13,156
She does it... She does it for you.

367
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:16,492
I know my woman, okay? Fantasy?
Science fiction? Action figures?

368
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:19,162
- All the stuff I love, she loves, too.
- No, she does that shit

369
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,913
for you, trust me.
Deep down inside, she's thinking...

370
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,791
This is some silly-ass shit.

371
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,169
What the hell?

372
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:29,297
No wonder Jeremy hasn't proposed yet,
he hasn't gone through puberty.

373
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,175
It's time for a little spring cleaning.

374
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,179
You first.

375
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,181
No, no. That's your problem, Gail.

376
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,183
You don't never want to listen,
you just want to talk.

377
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,851
What'd I say?
I said I'm gonna be there tomorrow.

378
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,270
No, no, no. Listen, Gail...

379
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:45,772
- I'm not gonna go back and forth with you.
- Oh, man.

380
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,357
'Cause I'm trying to talk and you ain't gonna
let me say what I... Hello?

381
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:49,734
Gail?

382
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,986
Did it again. Hung up on me again.

383
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:53,988
What do you call the three rings of marriage?

384
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,198
No clue.

385
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,992
The engagement ring, the wedding ring,
and the suffer-ring.

386
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,952
Oh, and, in your case, the beat-ing.

387
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,789
This is not the time. You know,
y'all underestimate me because I'm short.

388
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:03,998
No, it's 'cause you a fool.

389
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,875
What up? What's happening, baby?

390
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,502
The hell's wrong with you?

391
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:09,378
- You're stoned.
- Yeah, you're high!

392
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:13,299
Either you're high, or everything
on my eHarmony profile is true.

393
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:14,884
I'm high off life, gentlemen.

394
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,636
I met this girl.

395
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:21,349
No, matter of fact, she's not even a girl.
I met a woman.

396
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,017
But you are a woman.

397
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:29,482
Order up!

398
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,485
Hey, guess who's back. Table eight.

399
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,824
She is way out of your league, Dom.

400
00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,826
Ain't no such thing, playboy.

401
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:43,496
All right, she probably spends more here
in one night than you make in a month.

402
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:48,042
That's true, but, you know, just think
how much she'll save if I cook for her.

403
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,335
Oh, you crazy.

404
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:51,087
Dominic. Scallions?

405
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,839
All right, Chef, coming up.

406
00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:55,007
- Well, you look cute. What's going on?
- I do?

407
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,093
- Yes.
- Thank you, that was nice of you.

408
00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:00,429
Just, you know, Duke made Little League,
got a new laptop, met a guy.

409
00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:02,723
I think I'm gonna try the white sea bass.

410
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:04,600
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Met a what?

411
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:05,726
A guy.

412
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,186
A real one? Not a blow-up doll?

413
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:09,730
Okay, don't look so surprised. It's not that...

414
00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:13,025
Honey, I'm just saying,
it's been two years since your divorce.

415
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,695
And three, maybe four, since you had sex.

416
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:19,031
I said I met a guy, Lauren,
I didn't say I was changing my last name.

417
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,199
Yet.

418
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,536
I need all the details, honey. Now. Spill it.

419
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,955
- Is she hot?
- Pure fire.

420
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,123
Does she got real big titties?

421
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,208
Yeah, what's the rack like?
Tell us about the rack.

422
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,544
The rack. Definitely some white boy shit.

423
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,713
It is white boy shit. We love breasts.

424
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,715
You're not even white, Bennett. You're clear.

425
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,134
- He's got kind eyes. Soulful.
- Yes!

426
00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:39,302
He's sensitive.

427
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,887
I know she got a fat ass.

428
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,556
She got that JLo, Serena Williams mash up.

429
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,350
Ass so big, I could hide underneath it
if it was raining.

430
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,060
- That's way too much ass.
- No such thing.

431
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:49,770
Damn right, it ain't. The bigger, the better.

432
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:54,609
But it wasn't just a physical attraction,
it was intellectual.

433
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,236
He loved
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.

434
00:19:57,404 --> 00:20:00,072
He bought one for his mom's book club.
Isn't that sweet?

435
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,532
Yeah, and kind of gay.

436
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,617
He's a gentleman.

437
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:05,036
- Yo, she a ho. I know she a ho.
- Oh, definitely a ho.

438
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,414
Both of you, you both watch your mouth,
all right? This one's not a ho.

439
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,624
She's a lady.

440
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,876
- Whipped already.
- Enjoy it while it lasts, Mike.

441
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,920
Let me tell you something,
it ain't gonna last forever.

442
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,379
They all start out happy.

443
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:17,089
See, but here's when it gets real.

444
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,217
When you wake up in the morning,
and you go in the living room,

445
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,594
and you catch her pissing
inside of your Jordans.

446
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,054
And not the regular Jordans.

447
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,014
I'm talking about the ones
with the patent leather on the side,

448
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:26,224
where the pee don't come out.

449
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,434
Don't listen to them, Mike.
Relationships are beautiful.

450
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:31,270
- Just saying.
- So, when are you guys going out?

451
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:34,565
Saturday night.
She got to find a sitter, first, and then...

452
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,775
What, like a dog sitter?

453
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,109
No, she has a son.

454
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:38,778
- What?
- She has a child.

455
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,446
All right, well,
be careful dating a baby mama.

456
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,115
- Why?
- Because she's the baby mama.

457
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,618
Dude, she ain't looking for a couple laughs
and some butt-naked sex.

458
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,453
She been a couple laughs
and some butt-naked sex.

459
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:48,996
- Preach.
- She looking for a husband.

460
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:51,499
A father for her son.
Speaking of which, where's the baby daddy?

461
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,459
- Oh, good question, Zeke.
- Thank you.

462
00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:54,543
Could be a psycho.

463
00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,629
Just got paroled
for killing her last boyfriend.

464
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,090
Or he could be one of those guys
that like to hide in a bush

465
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,509
waiting for a strange guy
to come to his baby mom's house.

466
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,970
And when he gets there,
he pops out the bushes

467
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:05,972
hits this guy on the back of the head
with a brick.

468
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:09,308
Without even realizing that this guy's
relationship with his baby mom was platonic.

469
00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:10,810
They ever catch that guy?

470
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,688
No, it's a cold case.
The cops won't even revisit the case.

471
00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,022
They said they couldn't find the brick.

472
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,609
I'm just saying, I'm just saying.

473
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,112
- None of that matters.
- Really?

474
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,531
'Cause you should see her smile.

475
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:26,284
- Oh, shit. All right! Okay.
- Good night, Mike.

476
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,828
Talking to you about bricks!
You wanna go talk about a smile.

477
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,622
- There is one thing, though.
- I knew it, he was born a woman.

478
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:32,832
No.

479
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,710
- He's, you know, he's...
- He's what?

480
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:36,961
A little younger.

481
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,671
You have kidnapped a cub, haven't you?

482
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,299
No, I'll have you know,
he seems very mature, actually.

483
00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:44,010
Wait a minute,
why am I getting all worked up?

484
00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,303
We haven't even had a date yet.

485
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,847
I still need to qualify
if he's even a contender.

486
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:49,265
Qualify?

487
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:50,766
What are his long-term goals?

488
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:52,685
What are his short-term goals?
Can he provide?

489
00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,478
Don't hit him with all that at once.

490
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:57,690
I know, don't worry. I intend to be stealth.

491
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,692
You? How?

492
00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:04,405
By acting like a lady, but thinking like a man.

493
00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:06,699
Oh, you fell for that sexist crap?

494
00:22:06,867 --> 00:22:09,035
He's actually giving insight
into a man's perspective.

495
00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:12,580
Why should I have to lower my standards
to get a man? Who does that?

496
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,206
I'm sorry. Now, what man?

497
00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:15,583
I just want my equal.

498
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:18,377
Okay? Or at least an attractive, cultured man.

499
00:22:18,545 --> 00:22:22,882
Who's over six feet tall, makes six figures,
and isn't intimidated by my success.

500
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:25,301
Okay, girl. Quit chasing the ghost
of James Merrill's past.

501
00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:27,386
He is married and long gone.

502
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:28,596
That man was fine.

503
00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:31,057
Here we go. Let's do a little research, here.

504
00:22:31,224 --> 00:22:33,184
- This is you.
- Please, I don't...

505
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,728
"Strong, independent, and lonely women."

506
00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:38,481
I don't need some bald-headed man
on a book

507
00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:40,232
telling me I am strong and independent.

508
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:41,359
Honey, that's a given.

509
00:22:41,568 --> 00:22:42,610
But you forgot lonely.

510
00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:44,070
You are a bitch.

511
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,404
You're too strong, Lauren.

512
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:48,866
There's no such thing as too strong.
And you know what?

513
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:53,287
If I were a man, being the youngest COO
of a Fortune 500 company

514
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:56,123
would actually be a good thing.
Women would flock.

515
00:22:56,291 --> 00:22:58,042
Yeah, but men flee when you lead with that.

516
00:22:58,210 --> 00:22:59,794
And it's not just yourjob, Lauren.

517
00:22:59,961 --> 00:23:02,171
Remember what Marcel said
on your last date,

518
00:23:02,255 --> 00:23:03,297
after you trumped his wine choice?

519
00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:05,633
- It was a better choice.
- What were his words again?

520
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:08,928
"You don't need a man, Lauren,
you are a man."

521
00:23:09,471 --> 00:23:11,889
Happy belated birthday. For you.

522
00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:16,769
I'm just saying, all this waiting for better?
It's making you bitter.

523
00:23:20,982 --> 00:23:22,441
Hey, babe?

524
00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:26,612
I stopped off for a beer,
but picked us up some dinner.

525
00:23:28,031 --> 00:23:29,031
Oh, my God.

526
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,952
Oh, my God! My anime posters!
We got robbed!

527
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:35,746
Kris! Are you home?

528
00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:37,623
Yes. Where's the fire? What's going on?

529
00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,291
Have you not noticed
that we've been robbed?

530
00:23:39,459 --> 00:23:41,585
I just tidied up a little bit. Relax.

531
00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:43,587
- Tidied up?
- Yeah.

532
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,966
Justice League? Darth Vader? SpongeBob?
Where are they? Are they okay?

533
00:23:47,134 --> 00:23:48,843
They are safe. They're fine.

534
00:23:50,345 --> 00:23:52,847
I just thought we could paint the living room.

535
00:23:54,474 --> 00:23:55,516
Paint.

536
00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:58,144
- Okay.
And redecorate.

537
00:23:59,646 --> 00:24:01,605
- Redecorate?
- Yeah.

538
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:04,108
I thought you loved that stuff.
Why would you want to do that?

539
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,985
Because it looks like
we live in a frat house, Jeremy.

540
00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:07,987
- Oh, stop it.
- We are adults, for Christ's sakes.

541
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,864
We make a decent living.

542
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:12,158
I think it's time to invest
and make this a real home.

543
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:15,494
With matching dishes and glasses

544
00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:19,290
and a new couch.

545
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,167
Well, what's wrong with my couch?

546
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:25,463
Baby, you pulled it out of a dumpster.

547
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:26,630
Yeah.

548
00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:29,383
I'm pretty sure Annalisa was impregnated,
like, right there.

549
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:32,636
It's got cigarette burns, bong spills,
there was the scabies scare of '06.

550
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,305
- You're being dramatic.
- No, I'm really not.

551
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:38,476
Your aunt who tinkles when she laughs?
She pissed all over the couch last Christmas.

552
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:40,686
It's disgusting. We're like animals.

553
00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:43,564
I cleaned up the bong spill
and the cigarette burns.

554
00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:45,024
This couch has history.

555
00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:47,193
And now it is history.

556
00:24:48,987 --> 00:24:51,113
So, here are some new ideas.

557
00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:55,451
I thought we could look it over.
Research some new styles.

558
00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,203
Gotta zero in on a color palette.

559
00:24:57,537 --> 00:25:00,331
I know you like mauve. You know?

560
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:04,335
There was that period you went through,
where you were partial to salmon.

561
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:07,129
Yeah, I'd rather watch Letters to Juliet
with you again.

562
00:25:07,214 --> 00:25:09,757
I know you would. 'Cause you cried
at the end when they got reunited.

563
00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:11,592
I wasn't crying, okay?

564
00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:14,303
I was having an allergic reaction
to the perfume in the theater.

565
00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:15,387
You bought the soundtrack.

566
00:25:15,847 --> 00:25:17,473
It's a good soundtrack.

567
00:25:17,641 --> 00:25:20,226
Look, I'm really bad at this. Okay?

568
00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:21,685
Please, can you do this?

569
00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:23,187
- Without me?
- Really?

570
00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:24,897
Really.

571
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:26,232
By myself?

572
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:28,192
Yeah.

573
00:25:29,736 --> 00:25:31,445
- I trust you.
Awesome.

574
00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:32,821
Okay, let me ask you a question.

575
00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:35,908
Where is the last guy that you slept with
in less than 90 days?

576
00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:37,076
You mean, John?

577
00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:38,285
Hey! Baby!

578
00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:39,620
'Sup, girl?

579
00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:41,247
Hey, I had a great time the other night.

580
00:25:41,414 --> 00:25:42,414
Oh, did you, Alex?

581
00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:43,874
Yeah, Melanie. I was gonna call you...

582
00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:46,418
Melanie? It's Mya, negro.

583
00:25:46,586 --> 00:25:48,462
Yeah. I gotta go. So, I'll call you.

584
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:51,423
I know you did not just call her Melanie.

585
00:25:51,591 --> 00:25:53,759
It's okay.
I'm not even gonna let him get to me.

586
00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:56,095
I am in a better place
and I am on another level.

587
00:25:57,597 --> 00:26:00,099
I don't know, Sonia.
I feel like I have X-ray vision.

588
00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:01,850
Like, Man Goggles.

589
00:26:01,935 --> 00:26:05,479
We spend all this time complaining about
how guys don't want to be in relationships,

590
00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:06,814
they just want to hook up.

591
00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:08,732
But really, all along, we've had the power.

592
00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:11,026
Right. We have?

593
00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,904
Yes! We control the cookie.

594
00:26:14,030 --> 00:26:15,781
She who controls the cookie
controls the game.

595
00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,826
Okay, I got it. What's the cookie?

596
00:26:19,786 --> 00:26:21,787
- It's a metaphor.
- For what?

597
00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:23,372
For...

598
00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:29,128
- Yes. The cookie!
- The cookie!

599
00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:30,379
I got it. The cookie!

600
00:26:30,463 --> 00:26:32,298
I'm telling you, the power's in the cookie.

601
00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:34,675
So, how do we control the cookie?

602
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:36,427
By putting it in the cookie jar,

603
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:38,971
clasping the lid on tight,
and leaving it in there.

604
00:26:39,097 --> 00:26:40,139
Okay.

605
00:26:40,223 --> 00:26:43,058
Until some little boy actually grows up
and earns it.

606
00:26:43,143 --> 00:26:44,184
I get it.

607
00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:47,354
It's kind of like when my cousin had
the five-date rule. It was similar to that.

608
00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:48,647
Oh, no. That's child's play.

609
00:26:48,815 --> 00:26:50,733
I'm thinking something
a little bit more radical.

610
00:26:50,817 --> 00:26:53,861
See, this is why you need to get the book,
because it has a whole chapter on it.

611
00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:56,822
"Getting The Respect That You Deserve:
The 90-Day Rule."

612
00:26:56,906 --> 00:26:57,948
Are you high?

613
00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,950
- No.
- Who is waiting 90 days?

614
00:27:00,118 --> 00:27:02,411
If it's good enough
for the Fortune 500 company,

615
00:27:02,495 --> 00:27:03,787
it's good enough for me.

616
00:27:03,955 --> 00:27:07,666
See, when I worked at Ford Motor Company,
there was a 90-day probation rule.

617
00:27:07,834 --> 00:27:11,503
I had to be on the job for 90 days
before they gave me a benefit package.

618
00:27:11,671 --> 00:27:14,798
Ford figured this,
"Let's see how he performs.

619
00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:19,845
"If he comes in on time, if he proves himself,
then we'll give him benefits."

620
00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:24,975
So if Ford Motor Company waits 90 days
to pass out their benefit package,

621
00:27:25,352 --> 00:27:26,685
why won't women wait?

622
00:27:26,853 --> 00:27:27,895
You see, that's our problem.

623
00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:31,440
It's that we keep giving it away
to some Axe body spray wearing man-ho

624
00:27:31,524 --> 00:27:32,691
who thinks my name's Melanie.

625
00:27:32,859 --> 00:27:35,527
But it doesn't matter,
because a girl's got needs.

626
00:27:35,695 --> 00:27:39,531
Listen to yourself.
Do you really think you could wait 90 days?

627
00:27:39,699 --> 00:27:43,702
Yes. I spent six months dreaming about
a guy that I met once at a wedding weekend.

628
00:27:43,870 --> 00:27:45,537
The one you had sex with at the beach?

629
00:27:45,705 --> 00:27:47,790
Yes, who never called.

630
00:27:47,874 --> 00:27:50,000
Yeah, so,
I definitely think I could do 90 days.

631
00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:52,211
Matter of fact,
I could do 90 days before 90 days.

632
00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:55,506
I am so sick and tired of men.
Maybe I should start dating women.

633
00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:57,966
My God, I'll give you 50 bucks
if you guys kiss.

634
00:27:58,051 --> 00:28:00,219
- But there has to be tongue.
- Boy, get out of here!

635
00:28:00,303 --> 00:28:01,303
Gave it a shot.

636
00:28:01,388 --> 00:28:05,599
What is wrong with the men
of this generation? Like, what?

637
00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:08,268
I ask myself that same question every day.

638
00:28:08,436 --> 00:28:13,107
Whatever happened to respect for women?
Whatever happened to decorum?

639
00:28:13,608 --> 00:28:15,901
May I have the honor of buying
you two lovely ladies a drink?

640
00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:18,237
Absolutely. And thank you for asking.

641
00:28:18,405 --> 00:28:19,488
- We would like...
- Why?

642
00:28:19,781 --> 00:28:22,616
Is it that you crave
scintillating conversation?

643
00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:25,577
Or that you want to discuss the politics
and nuances of the Chechnyan War?

644
00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:27,955
You know, I don't really discuss politics
on the first encounter.

645
00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:30,124
- And neither do we. This is why I'm...
- Oh, no, I know what it is.

646
00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:32,584
It's the visual thing, right?

647
00:28:32,669 --> 00:28:35,421
You saw me, you sexualized me,
you wanted to get into my pants?

648
00:28:35,505 --> 00:28:36,547
Absolutely not.

649
00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:40,092
Yeah, but then, what is it?
Because, you know, you don't know me.

650
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:41,802
I could be a psycho.

651
00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:45,097
I could be a serial killer.
I could have 16 personalities.

652
00:28:45,932 --> 00:28:47,683
- Let me get a Crown and Coke.
- Got you covered.

653
00:28:47,851 --> 00:28:49,518
And 16 of whatever she's having?

654
00:28:51,312 --> 00:28:52,938
My name is Zeke.

655
00:28:58,945 --> 00:28:59,987
Mya.

656
00:29:00,113 --> 00:29:01,780
Nice to meet you, Mya.

657
00:29:01,948 --> 00:29:05,117
Day one, 89 more to go.

658
00:29:06,619 --> 00:29:08,287
Order for table 16!

659
00:29:08,455 --> 00:29:10,789
Dominic. Valet's slammed.
Go park some cars.

660
00:29:15,795 --> 00:29:17,546
- Thank you.
- Thanks.

661
00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:41,653
Hey, that's my car!

662
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,831
Who says you have to compromise?

663
00:29:58,171 --> 00:29:59,755
Okay, where's the window?

664
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:08,555
Window. Window, window.

665
00:30:08,723 --> 00:30:10,891
Not the final destination.

666
00:30:11,267 --> 00:30:12,309
Door open.

667
00:30:12,435 --> 00:30:13,560
Shit.

668
00:30:15,897 --> 00:30:16,897
Hi.

669
00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:20,025
If I didn't know any better,
I'd think you were following me.

670
00:30:21,069 --> 00:30:22,736
No, just...

671
00:30:23,530 --> 00:30:25,697
Just out for a drive, that's all.

672
00:30:25,865 --> 00:30:27,574
Have a safe drive.

673
00:30:28,034 --> 00:30:29,368
Well, wait.

674
00:30:30,078 --> 00:30:31,578
You changed your mind?

675
00:30:31,788 --> 00:30:33,622
You think I could take you
to dinner sometime?

676
00:30:34,374 --> 00:30:35,582
How's tomorrow night?

677
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:41,088
Look, we love the fact that you're a strong,
confident woman with a fabulous job,

678
00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:42,714
but we're men.

679
00:30:42,882 --> 00:30:46,385
Our DNA is encoded to be the provider.

680
00:30:46,553 --> 00:30:50,055
And if you don't ever let us feel like
we're in control and necessary,

681
00:30:50,139 --> 00:30:52,558
we're just not about
to profess our love to you.

682
00:30:52,725 --> 00:30:55,727
I mean, we'll just find us a woman
who actually makes us feel like a man.

683
00:30:55,895 --> 00:30:56,937
Yeah, a ho.

684
00:30:57,063 --> 00:31:00,899
We're kind of like dogs, see, you pet us,
we'll be loyal to you forever.

685
00:31:01,067 --> 00:31:03,318
Yeah, dogs. There you go, Steve.

686
00:31:05,572 --> 00:31:07,489
I don't need that book.

687
00:31:14,372 --> 00:31:17,708
Oh, yes! Yeah!

688
00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:21,169
Oh, honey.
Jennifer's coming over tonight to babysit.

689
00:31:21,337 --> 00:31:23,422
You're going to bingo with Grandma?

690
00:31:23,590 --> 00:31:26,049
- No, actually. I have a date.
- Really?

691
00:31:26,259 --> 00:31:27,718
With a man or a woman?

692
00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:30,596
A man!
Duke, why would you even ask me that?

693
00:31:30,763 --> 00:31:34,766
Because I overheard Grandma say that
she was beginning to wonder.

694
00:31:34,934 --> 00:31:36,935
You know I'm cool either way.

695
00:31:37,103 --> 00:31:38,520
Yo, sorry I'm late.

696
00:31:38,688 --> 00:31:41,189
- Yo, Bennett, get in the game, let's go.
- What's up, man?

697
00:31:41,357 --> 00:31:42,941
I had the best night
of my entire life last night.

698
00:31:43,109 --> 00:31:44,234
- Is that right?
- Unbelievable.

699
00:31:44,402 --> 00:31:45,527
- Check ball.
- I thought you got fired last night.

700
00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:47,779
That's all right.
I'll make twice as much catering.

701
00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:49,239
- All right. Play ball.
- Hope she's worth it.

702
00:31:49,324 --> 00:31:51,158
What you gonna do with that?
What you gonna do with that?

703
00:31:51,242 --> 00:31:52,492
Count it!

704
00:31:53,453 --> 00:31:54,453
Over the back!

705
00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:56,788
See, I'm taking her to The Lounge.

706
00:31:56,956 --> 00:31:58,749
Maurice hooked me up with a private room

707
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:01,084
and all I gotta pay for is wine and a fat tip.

708
00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:04,630
Nice. So you gonna be escorting her
in that 2005 Honda Civic,

709
00:32:04,797 --> 00:32:08,300
with the missing bumper
or that $155,000 car she think you drive?

710
00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:10,302
I'm just gonna level with her, I guess.

711
00:32:11,304 --> 00:32:13,430
And tell her what?
That you an unemployed prep cook?

712
00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:16,683
Zeke, unemployed Culinary Institute
graduate. We talked about this.

713
00:32:16,851 --> 00:32:18,435
- Yes, that's not my point.
- That's stupid.

714
00:32:18,603 --> 00:32:21,647
That's dumb, Dom. You trying to get some,
you gonna have to lie.

715
00:32:21,814 --> 00:32:23,649
Listen, one time I told Gail
I just won the lottery.

716
00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:26,068
I need some gas money so I can
go redeem the ticket. She gave me $20.

717
00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:27,527
Don't lie to her.

718
00:32:27,695 --> 00:32:28,737
I don't want to lie to her.

719
00:32:28,863 --> 00:32:31,865
Okay, hold up.
You don't have to lie. You omit.

720
00:32:32,033 --> 00:32:33,492
Just, no, no, you omit.

721
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:36,662
You just tell her you're a high-end chef
that's in between gigs.

722
00:32:36,746 --> 00:32:37,829
Your car's in the shop.

723
00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:41,124
She think you drive an expensive car,
you're not driving it 'cause it's in the shop.

724
00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:44,169
Matter of fact, my cousin, he got
a town car company. I'll get you a town car.

725
00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:46,213
So all you gotta do is wine her, you dine her,

726
00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:48,757
you tattoo your name in that ass,
then you tell her the truth.

727
00:32:48,841 --> 00:32:51,301
Gail thought I was an account executive
and I met her in the mail room.

728
00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:52,427
I had mail in my hand.

729
00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:54,012
Yeah, but you became
an account exec right after that.

730
00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:55,263
That had nothing to do with Gail.

731
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:56,890
- She set up your interview.
- No, she didn't. Thomas did.

732
00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:59,893
Don't cut me off, Mike.
That's what Gail do, I don't like that.

733
00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,937
- Why's he so sensitive?
- All right, Dom, either way,

734
00:33:02,021 --> 00:33:03,855
once a woman's into you,
she'll put up with anything.

735
00:33:04,023 --> 00:33:07,359
- Trust me.
- Only if you're putting it on her right.

736
00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:09,361
All right. That's...

737
00:33:09,570 --> 00:33:10,737
Come on, man.

738
00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:12,739
- I'm gonna go clean the ball off.
- Bennett, just wipe it off.

739
00:33:12,907 --> 00:33:15,075
No, I got some sanitizer in my bag.

740
00:33:27,380 --> 00:33:30,048
Sorry, man. Wrong apartment.

741
00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:33,135
That's my lucky chair.

742
00:33:33,219 --> 00:33:34,344
What are you guys doing?

743
00:33:34,554 --> 00:33:36,054
Baby! What do you think?

744
00:33:36,389 --> 00:33:39,891
We spent the entire day at H.D. Buttercup
and we decided to go

745
00:33:40,059 --> 00:33:42,436
- with modern with a mix of vintage.
- "We"?

746
00:33:42,603 --> 00:33:44,855
Yeah. Gianni, our designer.

747
00:33:46,315 --> 00:33:49,609
Old out, new in, beautiful, eh?

748
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:54,906
I think it doesn't even
look like our place, babe.

749
00:33:55,074 --> 00:33:56,867
Exactly, it looks like grown-ups live here.
I love it.

750
00:33:56,951 --> 00:33:57,993
Stop!

751
00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,830
Put the chair down.

752
00:34:02,248 --> 00:34:03,999
The lucky chair stays.

753
00:34:06,669 --> 00:34:07,878
Compromise.

754
00:34:14,802 --> 00:34:17,763
Fuck, what... You speak Italian now?

755
00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:24,770
Oh, my God.

756
00:34:25,271 --> 00:34:27,147
- That's your dress.
- Yeah?

757
00:34:27,315 --> 00:34:29,816
Your ass looks great in that dress.

758
00:34:29,984 --> 00:34:31,568
No, it's too sexy.

759
00:34:31,736 --> 00:34:33,403
There's no such thing.

760
00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:36,907
Sonia, I want him to last 90 days,
not 90 seconds.

761
00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:40,160
I want to project "Keeper," not "Sports Fish."

762
00:34:40,328 --> 00:34:42,287
Okay, what the hell is a sports fish?

763
00:34:42,455 --> 00:34:43,914
See, this is why you need to read the book!

764
00:34:44,082 --> 00:34:45,457
I don't want to read the book.

765
00:34:45,625 --> 00:34:48,085
Steve says that a guy only fishes
for two reasons.

766
00:34:48,252 --> 00:34:50,003
Number one, he fishes to eat.

767
00:34:50,171 --> 00:34:53,173
That means he's looking for a keeper,
somebody to take home,

768
00:34:53,341 --> 00:34:57,260
somebody to introduce to his mom,
somebody to build a life with.

769
00:34:57,428 --> 00:34:59,596
Or two, he's looking for a sports fish.

770
00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:03,141
That means he's looking for a trophy,
somebody to show off to his buddies,

771
00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:04,935
put up on the wall as a prize.

772
00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:08,522
But you gotta be careful with that one,
'cause he's gonna throw that one back.

773
00:35:08,689 --> 00:35:15,612
Okay.

774
00:35:16,906 --> 00:35:17,989
How do I look?

775
00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:21,076
Like a keeper. With a great ass.

776
00:35:21,244 --> 00:35:22,327
- Yeah?
- Yes!

777
00:35:22,411 --> 00:35:25,789
Right. Now, the question is, is he?

778
00:35:25,957 --> 00:35:27,332
Now I just need my hit list.

779
00:35:27,667 --> 00:35:29,000
Now, what the hell is a hit list?

780
00:35:29,168 --> 00:35:30,794
Will you get your wine off my hit list?

781
00:35:31,212 --> 00:35:32,921
Girl, you're crazy.

782
00:35:33,089 --> 00:35:37,467
This is where I wrote down my strategic
dos and don'ts for my date tonight.

783
00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:39,261
Okay, you know you sound like
you're going to war, right?

784
00:35:39,428 --> 00:35:41,304
Yes, girl, because love is a battlefield.

785
00:35:41,472 --> 00:35:42,472
Oh, boy.

786
00:35:42,557 --> 00:35:44,933
Steve says you have to set
the requirements very high

787
00:35:45,017 --> 00:35:46,518
before you even get in the car,

788
00:35:46,602 --> 00:35:47,811
'cause you don't want
to become Chirp-chirp Girl.

789
00:35:47,895 --> 00:35:48,937
A what?

790
00:35:49,021 --> 00:35:51,064
Chirp-chirp.
He just hits the locks and you hop in.

791
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,816
He don't even have to open the door.

792
00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:54,776
I don't see nothing wrong
with being a Chirp-chirp Girl.

793
00:36:10,251 --> 00:36:11,960
You look beautiful.

794
00:36:12,128 --> 00:36:13,253
Thanks.

795
00:36:13,963 --> 00:36:15,213
Amazing.

796
00:36:20,928 --> 00:36:22,137
Sweet!

797
00:36:22,513 --> 00:36:26,391
Where to?
Goddamn, look how small your skirt is.

798
00:36:28,102 --> 00:36:29,644
Right. Unprofessional.

799
00:36:29,979 --> 00:36:31,855
Sorry, sir, take it out of my tip.

800
00:36:43,784 --> 00:36:48,246
It's open.

801
00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:51,333
I don't go out on dates with guys
who don't open the door for me.

802
00:36:51,709 --> 00:36:53,043
- Really?
- Really.

803
00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:54,586
- Seriously?
- Yes.

804
00:36:54,754 --> 00:36:55,879
Aw, man!

805
00:36:59,884 --> 00:37:01,384
No, he didn't.

806
00:37:06,140 --> 00:37:07,349
Got you!

807
00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:12,270
Your chariot awaits.

808
00:37:12,521 --> 00:37:13,605
Thank you.

809
00:37:13,856 --> 00:37:15,607
Funny guy, huh?

810
00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:17,525
I do okay.

811
00:37:21,113 --> 00:37:24,574
Look, I think there's a few basic questions
that every woman should ask a man

812
00:37:24,742 --> 00:37:27,911
to determine two things,
if this guy has a plan for you,

813
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:30,664
or if this guy is just gonna play with you.

814
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,250
My short-term goals?

815
00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:35,377
What, you mean like tomorrow?

816
00:37:38,589 --> 00:37:39,631
I need a bong hit.

817
00:37:39,757 --> 00:37:41,091
To answer your question,

818
00:37:41,175 --> 00:37:43,760
I guess my long-term goals
and short-term goals are the same thing.

819
00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:45,136
How so?

820
00:37:45,763 --> 00:37:50,684
Well, my entire life, it's always
been about hard work and improving myself

821
00:37:50,893 --> 00:37:53,228
and I guess what I'm looking for now is,

822
00:37:53,396 --> 00:37:55,397
you know, someone I can share it with.

823
00:37:56,691 --> 00:37:57,732
- So...
- So, have you...

824
00:37:57,858 --> 00:37:59,234
You go ahead, you go. You go.

825
00:38:02,905 --> 00:38:05,323
What are your short-term goals?

826
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:10,120
You know what? I'd like to skip dinner
and get right to dessert.

827
00:38:10,830 --> 00:38:11,871
That's where it started,

828
00:38:11,998 --> 00:38:13,248
- you know?
- Really?

829
00:38:13,457 --> 00:38:15,875
This is a great choice.

830
00:38:16,043 --> 00:38:18,086
Thank you. Thank you.

831
00:38:18,170 --> 00:38:20,505
So, Lauren, tell me more about yourself.
What do you do?

832
00:38:21,215 --> 00:38:22,757
I'm in management.

833
00:38:22,925 --> 00:38:26,886
For a media company. Yeah.
But I don't wanna talk about me, my work.

834
00:38:27,054 --> 00:38:28,888
Long week.

835
00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:30,932
So, tell me about you. What do you do?

836
00:38:32,018 --> 00:38:34,436
I'm a chef.

837
00:38:34,603 --> 00:38:36,479
Really? Where?

838
00:38:37,064 --> 00:38:38,606
Well, I'm actually

839
00:38:39,442 --> 00:38:43,028
deciding between two different offers.

840
00:38:43,195 --> 00:38:44,237
That good, huh?

841
00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:48,616
Yeah. But I don't wanna...
I kinda don't want to jinx it, you know?

842
00:38:48,784 --> 00:38:51,286
No, I get it. No, don't, you shouldn't.

843
00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:55,749
Okay, you know what?
Let's not even talk about work anymore.

844
00:38:55,916 --> 00:38:57,459
Yeah, let's not.

845
00:38:57,626 --> 00:39:00,587
So, what are your views on relationships?

846
00:39:00,755 --> 00:39:03,214
Or your long-term goals. Either one.

847
00:39:08,637 --> 00:39:12,182
To be honest, I really want to open
my own restaurant one day.

848
00:39:14,101 --> 00:39:16,561
Sorry, that's work.

849
00:39:16,729 --> 00:39:18,605
No, that's a dream.

850
00:39:19,815 --> 00:39:21,691
We can talk about dreams. Dreams are good.

851
00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:26,029
It's nice to hear a woman actually say that.

852
00:39:26,197 --> 00:39:29,199
I just believe you can make
any dream come true

853
00:39:29,992 --> 00:39:32,827
if you're willing
to work hard enough to get it.

854
00:39:33,871 --> 00:39:35,747
I couldn't agree with you more.

855
00:39:36,832 --> 00:39:38,458
- Cheers.
- Salud.

856
00:39:50,679 --> 00:39:53,098
Remember when we were in college
and we used to get

857
00:39:53,641 --> 00:39:56,434
so high and talk for hours?

858
00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:58,436
Yeah.

859
00:40:00,022 --> 00:40:04,859
Like about our dreams,
and like our plans and our goals.

860
00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:06,945
And time travel.

861
00:40:07,113 --> 00:40:09,989
Like, what do you think about
the future, Jeremy?

862
00:40:10,282 --> 00:40:15,829
I don't think we'll be riding around
in hovercrafts or anything, but droids.

863
00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:18,498
Definitely droids. There better be droids.

864
00:40:18,666 --> 00:40:21,376
No, I mean, like your future, Jeremy.

865
00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:24,796
What are your long-term goals, Jeremy?

866
00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:30,009
Who are you, Oprah?

867
00:40:31,011 --> 00:40:32,554
You're funny.

868
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:38,726
I just have this amazing idea
of a rocker, chic kinda look,

869
00:40:39,311 --> 00:40:40,395
so, it's really exciting.

870
00:40:40,563 --> 00:40:42,105
- No, that is exciting.
- Yeah.

871
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:43,314
Yeah.

872
00:40:43,774 --> 00:40:44,816
So,

873
00:40:45,484 --> 00:40:48,695
what are some of your long-term goals?

874
00:40:49,530 --> 00:40:51,823
Kind of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants
kinda guy, you know?

875
00:40:52,908 --> 00:40:53,992
Oh, okay.

876
00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:56,911
That's cool.

877
00:41:00,374 --> 00:41:03,334
Oh, turn that up. Turn that up, turn that up.

878
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:05,962
That is my... Yeah.

879
00:41:06,213 --> 00:41:09,340
- You know these guys?
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

880
00:41:10,259 --> 00:41:12,343
My band opened for them once.

881
00:41:12,970 --> 00:41:14,429
You have a band?

882
00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:15,638
Had.

883
00:41:16,348 --> 00:41:17,891
Had a record deal for a second.

884
00:41:18,225 --> 00:41:20,143
Let me hear your CD. Come on!

885
00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:22,270
What makes you think that I have a CD?

886
00:41:22,438 --> 00:41:24,564
I don't know anybody who's been
in an R&B band

887
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:25,857
who doesn't have their own CD in their car.

888
00:41:26,025 --> 00:41:29,277
Wow, I feel so unique right now, it's crazy.

889
00:41:29,445 --> 00:41:31,321
- That's why you're reaching for it.
- Yeah.

890
00:41:32,448 --> 00:41:33,948
Let me see it.

891
00:41:35,159 --> 00:41:36,743
Wow!

892
00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:38,119
That is crazy.

893
00:41:38,287 --> 00:41:40,330
Hey, at least I didn't have a Jheri curl.

894
00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:41,581
What?

895
00:41:42,249 --> 00:41:43,416
Play me your favorite track.

896
00:41:45,669 --> 00:41:46,711
Wow.

897
00:41:48,672 --> 00:41:49,714
Please say a command.

898
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:51,633
CD. Play track

899
00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:55,220
seven.

900
00:41:55,387 --> 00:41:57,222
Playing track seven.

901
00:41:57,723 --> 00:42:02,060
Last night I had a dream about a dream

902
00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:05,063
About you

903
00:42:08,442 --> 00:42:09,901
You wrote this?

904
00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:16,407
Now every time I think it seems to be
About you

905
00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:21,371
This is beautiful.

906
00:42:21,455 --> 00:42:24,666
One minute I was over love

907
00:42:25,918 --> 00:42:29,796
A second later I was a part of us

908
00:42:30,005 --> 00:42:31,047
Who was she?

909
00:42:31,423 --> 00:42:32,465
Who?

910
00:42:33,008 --> 00:42:34,425
The girl who broke your heart.

911
00:42:34,969 --> 00:42:36,803
What makes you think a girl broke my heart?

912
00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:39,389
Track seven.

913
00:42:43,936 --> 00:42:46,062
I left that all on the track.

914
00:42:46,230 --> 00:42:51,150
Last night I had a dream about a dream
About...

915
00:42:56,490 --> 00:42:57,615
Oh, my God.

916
00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:03,746
- Okay. Okay, wait, wait, wait.
- What's wrong, what's wrong?

917
00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:07,292
It's just... I don't do this on the first date.

918
00:43:07,459 --> 00:43:09,502
Okay, I understand.

919
00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:12,505
I'm a Christian, too.
I respect that, you know, and...

920
00:43:15,509 --> 00:43:17,510
I had a really wonderful time.

921
00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:18,970
Me, too.

922
00:43:20,639 --> 00:43:22,390
Well, thanks.

923
00:43:26,895 --> 00:43:28,730
There. I accomplished it.

924
00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:29,897
Accomplished what?

925
00:43:29,982 --> 00:43:32,150
My real short-term goal.

926
00:43:32,234 --> 00:43:33,735
You dog.

927
00:43:34,069 --> 00:43:35,111
So, listen.

928
00:43:35,321 --> 00:43:37,905
I've been thinking about this all night.
I want you to meet my mother.

929
00:43:37,990 --> 00:43:39,032
Really?

930
00:43:39,283 --> 00:43:40,450
It would really mean a lot to me.

931
00:43:40,868 --> 00:43:41,993
Well,

932
00:43:43,412 --> 00:43:44,746
I'd like you to meet my son.

933
00:43:45,414 --> 00:43:48,291
I would love that.
Just name the time and place...

934
00:43:48,792 --> 00:43:51,794
Hi, I'm Duke. Did you touch my momma?

935
00:43:51,962 --> 00:43:55,131
Whoa, no.
It was PG, little homie, not even PG-13.

936
00:43:55,299 --> 00:43:57,717
Sure. You like video games?

937
00:43:57,885 --> 00:43:59,385
Have you ever played Street Racer Three?

938
00:43:59,553 --> 00:44:01,763
- No.
- Then you haven't lived, my man!

939
00:44:04,808 --> 00:44:06,684
You have a good night, all right, Candace?

940
00:44:06,852 --> 00:44:07,894
Good night. Thank you.

941
00:44:08,020 --> 00:44:10,146
- It's nice to meet you, Duke. Make sure...
- Nice to meet you, too.

942
00:44:12,358 --> 00:44:14,233
I really had a nice time tonight.

943
00:44:14,443 --> 00:44:16,152
I had a really good time, too.

944
00:44:23,327 --> 00:44:24,577
Okay, okay, okay.

945
00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:27,914
This is officially good night.

946
00:44:28,082 --> 00:44:31,668
Okay, you know what?
I could use a nightcap.

947
00:44:32,086 --> 00:44:33,920
- A nightcap.
- Yeah.

948
00:44:34,088 --> 00:44:37,632
Yeah. There's this really nice bar
around the corner.

949
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:40,968
- You should have fun.
- What... So it's like that?

950
00:44:41,178 --> 00:44:42,679
You have no idea.

951
00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:45,264
So, how long are we talking
before I get invited up?

952
00:44:46,809 --> 00:44:47,850
Five dates.

953
00:44:48,852 --> 00:44:50,478
For a nightcap.

954
00:44:52,564 --> 00:44:53,773
Good night.

955
00:44:58,737 --> 00:45:00,196
This bitch is crazy.

956
00:45:20,592 --> 00:45:21,926
Morning, beautiful.

957
00:45:22,886 --> 00:45:24,053
Hi.

958
00:45:25,556 --> 00:45:26,681
Thanks.

959
00:45:27,933 --> 00:45:29,058
I made you breakfast.

960
00:45:29,309 --> 00:45:30,435
Seriously?

961
00:45:30,853 --> 00:45:32,019
Yeah.

962
00:45:32,646 --> 00:45:34,605
- From my kitchen?
- Let me take that.

963
00:45:36,066 --> 00:45:37,984
It's a simple eggs Florentine,
but with a twist,

964
00:45:38,152 --> 00:45:40,695
because I used the ingredients
from your Thai takeouts.

965
00:45:40,863 --> 00:45:43,239
- Simple? This looks amazing.
- Well, let me know what you think.

966
00:45:46,702 --> 00:45:48,369
This is so good.

967
00:45:48,787 --> 00:45:50,496
Yeah? Well, I love a woman who can eat.

968
00:45:52,541 --> 00:45:54,375
And I love a man who can cook.

969
00:45:54,543 --> 00:45:56,961
Maybe you'll let me do it again
for you sometime.

970
00:45:58,255 --> 00:45:59,714
Juice, please?

971
00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:02,550
A little spicy?

972
00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:07,847
Thanks.

973
00:46:10,225 --> 00:46:11,559
Who's that?

974
00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:14,061
That's my best friend, Candace.

975
00:46:14,229 --> 00:46:15,563
- Okay.
- And my godson, Duke.

976
00:46:16,899 --> 00:46:21,819
You know, you're not exactly what I picture
when I hear the word "godmother."

977
00:46:22,905 --> 00:46:24,197
Thank God for that.

978
00:46:33,123 --> 00:46:35,249
You let yourself in again, huh?

979
00:46:36,084 --> 00:46:39,086
I didn't expect you to be here.
I figured you'd be tiptoeing around her place.

980
00:46:39,254 --> 00:46:41,547
Well, first of all, I live here, not you,

981
00:46:41,715 --> 00:46:45,176
and second, she has this five-date rule
before I get invited up.

982
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:48,471
Can you believe that?
I'm the Negro Gigolo, the original Nigolo.

983
00:46:48,639 --> 00:46:51,432
Five dates? What, is she some type
of Farrakhan Muslim or something?

984
00:46:51,517 --> 00:46:52,600
She's a diva.

985
00:46:52,684 --> 00:46:54,977
She literally refuses to walk through
a door unless I open it for her.

986
00:46:55,062 --> 00:46:57,855
Gail used to do that.
Gail used to get on my nerves with that.

987
00:46:58,023 --> 00:47:00,858
"Get the door for me. How am I walk in
and you ain't open the door?"

988
00:47:01,026 --> 00:47:03,778
"My hands hurt.
You better open that goddamn door!"

989
00:47:03,987 --> 00:47:06,113
- That's why I'm gonna end it right now.
- Yeah, you need to.

990
00:47:06,281 --> 00:47:08,741
'Cause you don't need her.
You got me, and what we got is special.

991
00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:10,368
Open her door.

992
00:47:10,744 --> 00:47:13,538
It's 2012. Come around and open my door.

993
00:47:13,705 --> 00:47:15,373
I don't know, Sonia,
I just felt like a different woman.

994
00:47:15,541 --> 00:47:18,417
I felt so in control and strong, and...

995
00:47:18,585 --> 00:47:19,794
What about him?

996
00:47:19,878 --> 00:47:20,920
Well, I think...

997
00:47:24,383 --> 00:47:25,633
It's him.

998
00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:28,970
"Are you available for dinner
tomorrow night?"

999
00:47:29,054 --> 00:47:30,096
Well, are you?

1000
00:47:30,180 --> 00:47:31,848
Well, I do believe that I am.

1001
00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:35,476
But I do not go out with guys
who ask me via text.

1002
00:47:35,769 --> 00:47:37,144
I don't go out with guys via txt!

1003
00:47:37,396 --> 00:47:38,729
She trippin'.

1004
00:47:38,897 --> 00:47:42,275
You know, Gail always suggested them
egg whites, she said they was better for you.

1005
00:47:42,442 --> 00:47:44,819
Hey, can you put a shirt on
while you cooking, man?

1006
00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:47,738
Look at these hours.

1007
00:47:47,906 --> 00:47:49,866
What you come in here glowing
for like you're pregnant?

1008
00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:51,242
My boys.

1009
00:47:52,035 --> 00:47:54,871
Hey, you got some. Oh! On the first date?

1010
00:47:55,038 --> 00:47:57,707
- Homie scored.
- Yeah, I did.

1011
00:47:58,500 --> 00:48:00,084
And I'm totally screwed.

1012
00:48:00,252 --> 00:48:01,627
We never once talked about my job.

1013
00:48:01,795 --> 00:48:04,338
- You really like him.
- I really do.

1014
00:48:05,424 --> 00:48:06,883
I don't even know how much he makes.

1015
00:48:07,384 --> 00:48:09,051
And you know what? I don't care!

1016
00:48:09,219 --> 00:48:10,720
I believe in his dreams.

1017
00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:12,847
She thinks I'm a chef on the rise.

1018
00:48:13,015 --> 00:48:14,056
With a cold-ass Benz.

1019
00:48:14,182 --> 00:48:15,850
And a sexy limo driver.
I looked good last night,

1020
00:48:15,934 --> 00:48:17,184
I had the hat cocked to the side.

1021
00:48:17,352 --> 00:48:20,104
Guys, she's going to run
when I tell her the truth.

1022
00:48:20,272 --> 00:48:22,106
Whatever you do, you don't tell her the truth.

1023
00:48:22,232 --> 00:48:23,232
- Thank you.
- You delay.

1024
00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:25,192
Hell, I wouldn't tell her
until she was in her third trimester.

1025
00:48:25,277 --> 00:48:26,986
- Yeah, I can't do that.
- Dom, I know you, okay?

1026
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:29,864
And you're trying to grow a conscience here.
Trust me on this one.

1027
00:48:30,032 --> 00:48:33,409
Honesty is overrated, man.
Hey, that's in the Bible. Old Testament.

1028
00:48:34,202 --> 00:48:36,787
I just don't want a relationship based on lies.

1029
00:48:36,955 --> 00:48:38,122
That's called marriage.

1030
00:48:38,290 --> 00:48:41,459
Dom, you don't fool me.
I know what this is about. This is about sex.

1031
00:48:41,543 --> 00:48:43,210
You didn't do what you were
supposed to do in the bedroom.

1032
00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:45,713
That's why you walk through here
with your shoulders all slouched

1033
00:48:45,797 --> 00:48:47,381
and your self-esteem all low.

1034
00:48:47,466 --> 00:48:50,509
It's true. When you don't smash right,
the insecurities come out on you.

1035
00:48:50,677 --> 00:48:53,888
You know what he did? He gave it a LD.
Lazy Doodle. That's exactly what he did.

1036
00:48:54,056 --> 00:48:56,307
Right. You gotta put it down like
the right enforcement.

1037
00:48:56,808 --> 00:48:59,185
I can't do this no more. I'm done.
I'm done with this.

1038
00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:03,439
Like, dude, put a shirt on. It's us!
There's no one else here, just us!

1039
00:49:03,899 --> 00:49:06,233
So, you're telling me she's got a son?

1040
00:49:06,401 --> 00:49:09,737
Yeah! Duke. He's six years old.
An amazing kid, full of energy.

1041
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:11,948
That's an awful lot of responsibility, baby.

1042
00:49:12,115 --> 00:49:14,116
Well, she's a really responsible woman, Ma.

1043
00:49:14,284 --> 00:49:16,285
I'm not talking about her,
I'm talking about you.

1044
00:49:17,537 --> 00:49:21,123
You really think you got what it takes
to date a single mother?

1045
00:49:21,291 --> 00:49:24,251
Well, I was raised by
a single mother, wasn't I?

1046
00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:26,796
Oh, but I'm one of a kind, baby.

1047
00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:30,549
Trust me, Ma. You are going to love her.

1048
00:49:32,886 --> 00:49:34,345
Thank God!

1049
00:49:35,555 --> 00:49:36,931
Somewhere familiar.

1050
00:49:37,015 --> 00:49:39,433
Some place that hasn't changed,
that still looks the same.

1051
00:49:39,601 --> 00:49:41,310
Yo, J, what's wrong with you?

1052
00:49:41,478 --> 00:49:45,064
My Fortress of Solitude has morphed
into a damn Bed, Bath and Beyond.

1053
00:49:45,232 --> 00:49:47,441
- What does that mean?
- I'm telling you, he talks in code.

1054
00:49:47,609 --> 00:49:49,402
Listen, Kristen, she redecorated.

1055
00:49:49,569 --> 00:49:51,362
Redecorated? Why didn't you say that?

1056
00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:54,407
No, no, no, she didn't redecorate.
She obliterated.

1057
00:49:54,574 --> 00:49:55,658
Every trace of my identity, gone!

1058
00:49:55,784 --> 00:49:57,368
My anime posters,

1059
00:49:57,452 --> 00:50:00,663
Battlestar Galactica shot glasses
that you used to like, it's all gone.

1060
00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:01,914
May I?

1061
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,458
Wait a minute. She ain't even ask you?
She just threw your stuff out?

1062
00:50:04,626 --> 00:50:06,711
- That's some takeover shit right there.
- That's crazy.

1063
00:50:06,878 --> 00:50:09,046
I was starting to feel like someone else.

1064
00:50:09,214 --> 00:50:12,550
Someone warm and modern
with a smattering of vintage.

1065
00:50:12,718 --> 00:50:15,511
That's probably your lips tingling. It's a STD.

1066
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:16,762
You just put your mouth on Zeke's drink.

1067
00:50:16,930 --> 00:50:18,723
- And she threw away my couch!
- Thank God!

1068
00:50:20,475 --> 00:50:21,976
Hail Kristen!

1069
00:50:22,060 --> 00:50:24,395
- That couch has a lot of memories, guys.
- Is that what that smell was?

1070
00:50:24,604 --> 00:50:25,980
Yeah, all of us got laid on that couch.

1071
00:50:26,064 --> 00:50:27,106
Twice.

1072
00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:28,691
- You've had that couch since college, right?
- Yes!

1073
00:50:28,775 --> 00:50:29,900
That's some white boy shit.

1074
00:50:30,068 --> 00:50:32,403
- No, that's some Jeremy shit.
- No, that's some white boy shit.

1075
00:50:32,571 --> 00:50:34,613
I graduated college, I got rid of my couch.

1076
00:50:34,781 --> 00:50:35,948
What college did you go to?

1077
00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:38,784
DeVry, Class of February. Valedictorian.

1078
00:50:38,952 --> 00:50:39,994
Whose side are you on?

1079
00:50:40,162 --> 00:50:42,163
Ain't no brother on the planet
gonna let no fine-ass sista

1080
00:50:42,247 --> 00:50:43,914
sit on no stinky-ass couch from college.

1081
00:50:44,082 --> 00:50:45,958
- Preach, boy!
- It don't matter what happen,

1082
00:50:46,043 --> 00:50:48,627
you go and you find a way to get
that furniture, figure how to pay for it later.

1083
00:50:48,712 --> 00:50:51,422
Yeah, don't do that, though.
That's called negro shit. Don't ever do that.

1084
00:50:51,548 --> 00:50:52,673
That is negro shit!

1085
00:50:52,841 --> 00:50:54,967
You guys do that a lot.
You pay for something you can't afford.

1086
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:57,470
Ced, you couldn't even afford your wedding!

1087
00:50:57,637 --> 00:50:59,180
I'm making my payments.

1088
00:50:59,347 --> 00:51:00,431
Listen, Kristen is a great girl.

1089
00:51:00,515 --> 00:51:03,100
Don't mess up something good
over a damn couch, all right?

1090
00:51:03,351 --> 00:51:04,685
Something's up.

1091
00:51:05,645 --> 00:51:06,771
The game was on,

1092
00:51:06,938 --> 00:51:08,397
but not the one we were watching.

1093
00:51:08,940 --> 00:51:11,609
While we were sitting there on our asses
watching the game,

1094
00:51:11,693 --> 00:51:13,235
our team was getting destroyed.

1095
00:51:13,695 --> 00:51:17,031
The other team was drawing up plays,
planning their strategies,

1096
00:51:17,199 --> 00:51:19,325
and plotting their next moves.

1097
00:51:20,452 --> 00:51:21,786
Hey, you.

1098
00:51:21,953 --> 00:51:23,329
You still up?

1099
00:51:23,497 --> 00:51:24,872
I thought you were sleeping.

1100
00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:29,293
- I couldn't put this down.
- Yeah.

1101
00:51:29,461 --> 00:51:31,921
Jeremy didn't even know
he was under attack.

1102
00:51:32,589 --> 00:51:36,634
God, it was such a trip.
I ran into Sarah's little brother.

1103
00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:39,845
And he told me he got a job at Neversoft.

1104
00:51:41,223 --> 00:51:42,306
Cool.

1105
00:51:42,390 --> 00:51:43,474
Yeah.

1106
00:51:43,558 --> 00:51:46,602
Weren't you offered
an internship there once?

1107
00:51:46,770 --> 00:51:49,480
Yeah. Turned it down for a real job.

1108
00:51:49,981 --> 00:51:52,983
Right, yeah, that junior level one
that you're still in.

1109
00:51:53,485 --> 00:51:54,485
What?

1110
00:52:00,325 --> 00:52:01,867
My brothers didn't even know
they were at war.

1111
00:52:01,952 --> 00:52:04,954
They were lost in the honeymoon phase.

1112
00:52:05,122 --> 00:52:06,705
They were too busy enjoying the ride.

1113
00:52:06,873 --> 00:52:08,958
All right, who's hungry?

1114
00:52:09,376 --> 00:52:11,293
I'm hungry, but, babe, babe!

1115
00:52:11,461 --> 00:52:12,920
Damn! Look at that ass!

1116
00:52:13,088 --> 00:52:14,296
That's nice. She's hot.

1117
00:52:14,464 --> 00:52:15,589
Guys, come on, that's somebody's daughter.

1118
00:52:15,757 --> 00:52:18,425
Wait, that's the baby mama? That's Candace?

1119
00:52:18,593 --> 00:52:21,220
- That is Candace.
- I know the baby mama.

1120
00:52:22,764 --> 00:52:25,307
No, she's Lauren's best friend.

1121
00:52:25,475 --> 00:52:28,269
So, apparently they play basketball
three times a week at the Y,

1122
00:52:28,436 --> 00:52:31,689
and Dominic says that Michael
is the most successful guy he knows.

1123
00:52:31,857 --> 00:52:33,649
- Really?
- You scored!

1124
00:52:33,817 --> 00:52:35,776
I did well? You know what,

1125
00:52:35,861 --> 00:52:38,404
Michael said Dominic
is a really amazing chef.

1126
00:52:38,572 --> 00:52:41,115
I know, I know! I love food.

1127
00:52:41,283 --> 00:52:42,825
- Oh, no, bitch.
- What?

1128
00:52:42,993 --> 00:52:44,660
We can double date.

1129
00:52:47,539 --> 00:52:49,957
- Oh, that's not good.
- That's not good at all.

1130
00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:52,501
- Let's go play basketball, guys.
- Yeah, let's do that.

1131
00:52:52,669 --> 00:52:54,086
Whatever you do, don't double date.

1132
00:52:54,254 --> 00:52:56,422
That's right. Damn, Ced.

1133
00:52:57,215 --> 00:52:58,382
Really?

1134
00:52:58,717 --> 00:53:00,176
I was in the middle of getting dressed.

1135
00:53:00,635 --> 00:53:02,219
J, you're losing the game for us!

1136
00:53:02,387 --> 00:53:04,680
- Me?
- Yo, you are killing us right now.

1137
00:53:04,848 --> 00:53:06,182
I'm setting screens,
you gotta be using the screens.

1138
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:09,143
- You shot one for 27.
- The shot I made was a game changer, J.

1139
00:53:09,311 --> 00:53:12,188
That's it, I'm done. New teams next week.
I'm not being on his team anymore.

1140
00:53:12,355 --> 00:53:13,814
I'm not the one
that's not coming off the picks!

1141
00:53:13,982 --> 00:53:16,817
Excuse me, y'all done here?
We want to play some full court.

1142
00:53:16,902 --> 00:53:17,943
- Oh, yeah.
- Y'all take it.

1143
00:53:18,153 --> 00:53:19,737
No, no, no, we're not.

1144
00:53:19,905 --> 00:53:21,780
Got a lot more basketball
to play over here, fellas,

1145
00:53:21,948 --> 00:53:24,074
so looks like you picked
the wrong court to try and come and take.

1146
00:53:24,242 --> 00:53:25,534
We just ran three games!

1147
00:53:25,702 --> 00:53:27,536
- Yeah, Ced, we're good.
- No, we're not.

1148
00:53:27,704 --> 00:53:29,830
We are not good. Sorry.

1149
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:31,957
Yo, so y'all stepping off or what?

1150
00:53:32,125 --> 00:53:33,375
Yeah, we were stepping. I was stepping on...

1151
00:53:33,543 --> 00:53:35,502
Stepping off? Who are you, Shaft?

1152
00:53:35,670 --> 00:53:37,046
How about you get some language
from this year?

1153
00:53:37,214 --> 00:53:39,965
So why don't you,
and the stronger version of Prince,

1154
00:53:40,133 --> 00:53:42,384
go back down to that side of the court
and do what y'all was doing?

1155
00:53:42,469 --> 00:53:45,179
'Cause if y'all want the court,
you'll play us for the court like real men.

1156
00:53:45,263 --> 00:53:46,430
So y'all want to play for it.

1157
00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:47,806
You heard what I said.

1158
00:53:48,225 --> 00:53:50,309
Am I stuttering, huh? Suckas.

1159
00:53:50,477 --> 00:53:52,478
- They're not gonna punk us. We men!
- Ced.

1160
00:53:52,646 --> 00:53:55,856
- People come in here, think they got us.
- You are not serious.

1161
00:53:56,024 --> 00:53:58,150
I am serious. It is what it is.

1162
00:53:58,860 --> 00:54:00,069
Oh, shit.

1163
00:54:03,156 --> 00:54:06,408
I thought it was just two of them.
I did not see the rest.

1164
00:54:06,576 --> 00:54:08,577
Turn around and say you're sorry.

1165
00:54:08,745 --> 00:54:10,246
- It's too late. We're in it.
- Apologize.

1166
00:54:10,413 --> 00:54:13,207
No, I'm not apologizing for shit.
Michael, this is when you be a man!

1167
00:54:13,375 --> 00:54:17,211
All right, guys. If a game is what you want,
a game is what you gonna get.

1168
00:54:17,379 --> 00:54:18,420
You wanna play?

1169
00:54:18,588 --> 00:54:19,630
Ced, let him go!

1170
00:54:19,714 --> 00:54:21,090
- Cedric!
- What are you doing?

1171
00:54:22,717 --> 00:54:24,134
- You okay?
- Get up, get up.

1172
00:54:24,302 --> 00:54:25,844
So embarrassing.

1173
00:54:26,805 --> 00:54:28,597
- I really tried to take it.
- It was obvious.

1174
00:54:28,807 --> 00:54:31,558
I really did.
I swear to God, I gave it everything I had.

1175
00:54:31,726 --> 00:54:34,520
I sprained my esophagus in the last game,
so I'm gonna sit this one out.

1176
00:54:34,604 --> 00:54:35,646
Your esophagus is in your throat.

1177
00:54:35,730 --> 00:54:37,439
- Shut up, Bennett.
- Zeke, we need six.

1178
00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:40,067
Zeke! Forget Zeke,
we'll just have to play with five.

1179
00:54:40,235 --> 00:54:42,695
Listen, we are men.
We tie our shoes up the same way they do.

1180
00:54:42,821 --> 00:54:43,821
Yeah, their shoes are bigger.

1181
00:54:43,989 --> 00:54:45,406
It don't matter. Be a man!

1182
00:54:45,490 --> 00:54:47,950
When I come out this, you better say
who you got and you better mean it.

1183
00:54:48,118 --> 00:54:50,411
Let's go. D up.

1184
00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:54,373
I got her. Let's go. Get yours. I got mine.

1185
00:54:54,666 --> 00:54:57,376
We welcome you all to
the JW Marriott Los Angeles.

1186
00:54:57,544 --> 00:54:58,877
But then, the bubble burst.

1187
00:54:59,045 --> 00:55:02,047
For Dominic, the tables turned
on Tuesday afternoon.

1188
00:55:02,674 --> 00:55:04,216
...the best year in your company's history.

1189
00:55:04,384 --> 00:55:09,221
She is not just the youngest COO
you've ever had, but the very best.

1190
00:55:09,931 --> 00:55:11,724
Ladies and gentlemen, Lauren Harris.

1191
00:55:13,810 --> 00:55:14,977
Thank you.

1192
00:55:20,150 --> 00:55:21,442
Aw, shit.

1193
00:55:23,153 --> 00:55:24,903
- Mom? There you go.
- Hey!

1194
00:55:25,071 --> 00:55:27,239
Mom, I would like you to meet Candace.

1195
00:55:27,324 --> 00:55:28,365
Hi!

1196
00:55:28,575 --> 00:55:30,659
For Michael, the bomb dropped
on Wednesday.

1197
00:55:30,827 --> 00:55:32,286
I've heard so much about you.

1198
00:55:32,704 --> 00:55:34,830
Well, I've heard nothing about you!

1199
00:55:35,415 --> 00:55:37,416
We just talked about her last night at dinner.
What are you...

1200
00:55:37,584 --> 00:55:40,419
- Well, I don't remember.
- Mom, why are you...

1201
00:55:40,587 --> 00:55:41,795
I don't remember.

1202
00:55:45,342 --> 00:55:48,635
It's beautiful, your home.
Just gorgeous. It's great.

1203
00:55:53,892 --> 00:55:59,396
Oh, wow, look! Look at this,
I have this exact same frame for my son!

1204
00:55:59,856 --> 00:56:02,524
Oh, that's right, you're the one with the child.

1205
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:06,153
Now let me ask you, sweetie,

1206
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:11,450
what does your baby's daddy think
about you dating my Michael?

1207
00:56:13,495 --> 00:56:15,037
Or is he incarcerated?

1208
00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:18,290
You know, how you people run around,
I don't know.

1209
00:56:19,084 --> 00:56:20,501
Incarcerated? No, why would you...

1210
00:56:20,668 --> 00:56:22,002
Candace, would you like a tour of the house?

1211
00:56:22,170 --> 00:56:24,671
Yeah, why don't we give Tandace
a tour of the house?

1212
00:56:24,839 --> 00:56:26,507
Candace. It is Candace.

1213
00:56:26,674 --> 00:56:27,800
Tan... Tandace?

1214
00:56:28,134 --> 00:56:31,178
It's... Candace, with a...

1215
00:56:32,013 --> 00:56:34,098
I can tell she really likes you.

1216
00:56:34,265 --> 00:56:36,266
- Come on, let's take a tour.
- Now come on, let's take a look.

1217
00:56:36,351 --> 00:56:37,351
Just come on.

1218
00:56:37,435 --> 00:56:38,852
Doesn't it tell a story?

1219
00:56:39,062 --> 00:56:43,148
I've tried to capture all the special
moments with me and my baby boy.

1220
00:56:43,316 --> 00:56:45,150
I bet you don't remember when I got you
that bracelet, though.

1221
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:49,863
Outside of Paris, this little shop
with the cute little jewelry...

1222
00:56:50,031 --> 00:56:52,074
Remember that look on your face
when you opened up that box?

1223
00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:53,325
Yeah, I know, I know.

1224
00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:54,993
I thought we were in Milan.

1225
00:56:55,161 --> 00:56:56,370
No, we'd come from that restaurant...

1226
00:56:56,538 --> 00:57:00,249
Oh, baby, you're in my room.
It's where all the magic happens, girl.

1227
00:57:00,417 --> 00:57:01,708
- Wow.
- What do you think?

1228
00:57:01,876 --> 00:57:03,460
It's like a time capsule.

1229
00:57:03,628 --> 00:57:07,423
Oh, I keep everything the same for him,
for when he sleeps over.

1230
00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:08,841
You sleep over?

1231
00:57:09,008 --> 00:57:10,384
Just on Sunday nights, baby. It's nothing.

1232
00:57:10,552 --> 00:57:15,013
And Sunday nights have always been
reserved for his mother.

1233
00:57:15,265 --> 00:57:17,683
And they always will be.

1234
00:57:17,851 --> 00:57:21,061
I make his favorite food,
and then we play rummy.

1235
00:57:21,229 --> 00:57:24,398
Mom is the best rummy player right here.

1236
00:57:25,525 --> 00:57:27,526
A chiky-chiky rummy-rummy

1237
00:57:28,403 --> 00:57:29,445
Come on.

1238
00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:31,363
I'm not gonna do it, not in front of Candace.

1239
00:57:31,531 --> 00:57:33,157
Well, let me get your laundry.

1240
00:57:33,324 --> 00:57:34,450
Laundry?

1241
00:57:34,534 --> 00:57:37,369
Let me help you with that, Mom.
I need some more socks, Mom.

1242
00:57:37,537 --> 00:57:38,871
They stink!

1243
00:57:39,497 --> 00:57:42,916
But you know, I don't mind the stinking.
I just gotta scrub them a little more.

1244
00:57:43,084 --> 00:57:47,087
Scrubba-dub-dub. Baby Michael in the tub!

1245
00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:58,348
Shit.

1246
00:57:59,058 --> 00:58:01,059
For Zeke, the cookie crumbled on Thursday.

1247
00:58:01,227 --> 00:58:04,062
So, the night is young.
What do you wanna do?

1248
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:08,358
Well, it is our fifth date, right?

1249
00:58:09,944 --> 00:58:12,571
It is? I don't know, I lost count.

1250
00:58:13,323 --> 00:58:14,740
Did you really?

1251
00:58:17,035 --> 00:58:20,245
So, nightcap?

1252
00:58:21,956 --> 00:58:23,081
Okay.

1253
00:58:24,792 --> 00:58:26,043
Yeah.

1254
00:58:26,252 --> 00:58:31,173
So it's kind of small, but I really got it
for the French windows

1255
00:58:32,675 --> 00:58:34,551
and 'cause it's close to work.

1256
00:58:35,386 --> 00:58:36,386
So...

1257
00:58:36,471 --> 00:58:37,804
Stunning.

1258
00:58:40,475 --> 00:58:44,102
Yeah, maybe we should
get more comfortable.

1259
00:58:44,437 --> 00:58:45,479
Yeah.

1260
00:58:45,605 --> 00:58:46,855
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1261
00:58:48,733 --> 00:58:50,776
I'm gonna put on some music.

1262
00:58:51,528 --> 00:58:55,948
Or you know what? Better yet,
maybe you should go ahead and choose.

1263
00:58:56,533 --> 00:58:57,574
Cool.

1264
00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:00,118
That vinyl?

1265
00:59:00,286 --> 00:59:02,788
Yeah, I'm a bit of a purist.

1266
00:59:03,998 --> 00:59:05,958
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.

1267
00:59:06,125 --> 00:59:07,626
Don't leave. I mean...

1268
00:59:09,003 --> 00:59:10,462
Don't leave.

1269
00:59:10,630 --> 00:59:12,673
- I won't leave.
- Okay. All right.

1270
00:59:17,512 --> 00:59:20,138
Wow. You really are a purist.

1271
00:59:21,349 --> 00:59:23,517
How the hell did you get this on vinyl?

1272
00:59:23,851 --> 00:59:24,893
No.

1273
00:59:49,294 --> 00:59:51,878
So, how do you take your coffee?

1274
00:59:52,171 --> 00:59:55,966
See, Zeke found out the hard way
that sometimes, a nightcap means just that,

1275
00:59:56,134 --> 00:59:57,217
a nightcap.

1276
00:59:57,302 --> 00:59:58,635
Three shots of Jack.

1277
00:59:59,429 --> 01:00:00,929
You're so silly.

1278
01:00:08,646 --> 01:00:09,688
Yo!

1279
01:00:09,856 --> 01:00:11,440
Oh, Ced, what you run outta this time?

1280
01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:12,691
I ain't had no milk.

1281
01:00:12,942 --> 01:00:17,112
Hey, let me ask you a serious question.
You think I look like Idris Elba?

1282
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:19,823
'Cause the stripper down at the new club
Sweaty Crack told me that last night,

1283
01:00:19,991 --> 01:00:21,366
but I had a lot of ones in my hand,

1284
01:00:21,451 --> 01:00:22,743
so I don't know if she was trying
to play me or not.

1285
01:00:22,910 --> 01:00:24,411
Don't even answer. Don't worry about it.

1286
01:00:24,579 --> 01:00:26,204
'Cause it made me feel good
when she said it.

1287
01:00:26,372 --> 01:00:29,374
All right, looks like somebody got invited in.
How'd it go?

1288
01:00:29,500 --> 01:00:30,500
We had coffee.

1289
01:00:30,668 --> 01:00:32,544
And?
- Mint Milano Cookies.

1290
01:00:32,629 --> 01:00:33,795
And?

1291
01:00:33,963 --> 01:00:38,008
And we talked and we talked
about our childhoods and art and music,

1292
01:00:38,092 --> 01:00:41,386
and Plato's Allegory of the Cave.
What is Plato's Allegory of the Cave?

1293
01:00:41,554 --> 01:00:42,721
It's actually very profound.

1294
01:00:42,889 --> 01:00:46,183
On par with Bishop Don Magic Juan book
of pimp knowledge and street wisdom,

1295
01:00:46,351 --> 01:00:47,517
which is a very good read.

1296
01:00:47,685 --> 01:00:50,354
Five dates and all I get is a cup of coffee.
What is wrong with her?

1297
01:00:50,521 --> 01:00:52,064
Ain't nothing wrong with her.
What's wrong with you?

1298
01:00:52,231 --> 01:00:55,192
Looks like the old Negro Gigolo
is losing his flow.

1299
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:57,194
I'm in a relationship without sex,

1300
01:00:57,362 --> 01:00:59,696
when all I'm really trying
to get is sex without a relationship.

1301
01:00:59,864 --> 01:01:01,031
So, when you gonna see her again?

1302
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:02,908
Saturday night, nigga. Mind your business.

1303
01:01:03,951 --> 01:01:05,243
Nice job.

1304
01:01:05,411 --> 01:01:08,789
Hey, Zeke, when you go upstairs,
you gonna look in the toilet,

1305
01:01:08,956 --> 01:01:11,541
it's gonna appear to be stopped up,
I don't know for sure.

1306
01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:15,170
I just didn't know where the plunger was,
so don't be caught off guard when you see it.

1307
01:01:15,254 --> 01:01:16,296
There's a lot.

1308
01:01:16,798 --> 01:01:18,590
- So we stayed up all night...
- Okay.

1309
01:01:18,758 --> 01:01:20,717
...and we talked about everything.

1310
01:01:20,885 --> 01:01:22,219
Did you keep the cookie in the cookie jar?

1311
01:01:23,638 --> 01:01:25,472
- But of course.
- Nice.

1312
01:01:25,640 --> 01:01:27,265
I'm not gonna lie, though,
and say that it was easy.

1313
01:01:27,642 --> 01:01:30,435
I don't know, when he kissed me,
it was like sex.

1314
01:01:31,062 --> 01:01:34,189
So, yeah, thank you
for your advice on the undies.

1315
01:01:34,273 --> 01:01:35,357
Which ones did you wear?

1316
01:01:35,566 --> 01:01:37,943
- The granny ones.
- The grandma drawers?

1317
01:01:38,111 --> 01:01:39,986
I told you the ugly panty trick would work.

1318
01:01:40,071 --> 01:01:41,738
- You wasn't trying to listen now.
And it worked.

1319
01:01:41,906 --> 01:01:46,243
Now that it's not just a theory,
do you really think you can last 90 days?

1320
01:01:46,411 --> 01:01:47,619
Monique!

1321
01:01:47,912 --> 01:01:49,037
It's Mya!

1322
01:01:49,247 --> 01:01:50,288
Call me!

1323
01:01:50,832 --> 01:01:52,958
It's Mya, asshole!

1324
01:01:57,255 --> 01:02:00,674
Yeah. Yeah, I think
I can definitely do 74 more days.

1325
01:02:01,092 --> 01:02:02,342
Okay, Monique.

1326
01:02:03,511 --> 01:02:05,512
- I'm canceling the date.
- Why?

1327
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:07,472
He's a part-time waiter.

1328
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:11,184
May I remind you, Miss Thing,
that we were both waitresses

1329
01:02:11,269 --> 01:02:13,687
for two years at Olive Garden?

1330
01:02:13,771 --> 01:02:15,647
Candace, we were in college.

1331
01:02:15,815 --> 01:02:17,941
I'm talking about a grown-ass man,

1332
01:02:18,109 --> 01:02:21,695
who admitted that he was valet-parking
the Benz he chased me down in.

1333
01:02:22,155 --> 01:02:23,280
It's kind of romantic.

1334
01:02:23,448 --> 01:02:25,031
It's kind of pathetic.

1335
01:02:25,199 --> 01:02:26,616
I thought you didn't care about
how much he made.

1336
01:02:26,784 --> 01:02:28,201
I thought you believed in his dreams.

1337
01:02:28,369 --> 01:02:30,829
- But not his pipe dreams. Come on!
- Okay, fine.

1338
01:02:30,997 --> 01:02:33,415
Dump the first guy
who puts you before anything else

1339
01:02:33,499 --> 01:02:34,624
because he doesn't make six figures.

1340
01:02:34,959 --> 01:02:37,294
Please, he doesn't even make four.

1341
01:02:37,462 --> 01:02:39,546
And I can't invest
that kind of time in something

1342
01:02:39,630 --> 01:02:41,840
that I know won't yield tangible dividends.

1343
01:02:42,008 --> 01:02:43,216
Would you listen to yourself?

1344
01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:46,553
Dominic is a person, Lauren,
not a stock portfolio.

1345
01:02:46,721 --> 01:02:50,348
Like Steve Harvey says,
there's no such thing as the perfect man.

1346
01:02:50,516 --> 01:02:53,351
You have to compromise on something.
What do you have to lose?

1347
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,187
My youth.

1348
01:02:55,354 --> 01:02:56,646
So, wait. She just canceled on you?

1349
01:02:56,814 --> 01:02:58,982
She was about to.
Then she got interrupted by her boss.

1350
01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:00,984
- It's messed up.
- You know what?

1351
01:03:01,736 --> 01:03:05,322
Who needs her whole fancy presentation
and her board of directors?

1352
01:03:05,490 --> 01:03:08,909
I make an honest living and I pay my taxes.
Most of the time.

1353
01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:10,535
Let me tell you something, Dom.
I agree with you.

1354
01:03:10,703 --> 01:03:12,704
I'm an American, too
and I agree with your plight, brother.

1355
01:03:12,789 --> 01:03:13,830
I second that.

1356
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:15,248
Yeah, we got your back.

1357
01:03:15,416 --> 01:03:17,042
- What's good with you, Mike?
- What up?

1358
01:03:17,210 --> 01:03:18,877
So, how did it go between Candace
and your mom?

1359
01:03:18,961 --> 01:03:20,170
It was...

1360
01:03:20,254 --> 01:03:21,546
I'm slowing things down with Michael.

1361
01:03:21,631 --> 01:03:24,508
- Why?
- He already has a woman in his life.

1362
01:03:24,759 --> 01:03:26,426
Oh, that son of a bitch. Who is it?

1363
01:03:26,594 --> 01:03:28,887
- His mama.
- What?

1364
01:03:32,016 --> 01:03:33,892
My mom thinks she's nice.

1365
01:03:34,060 --> 01:03:37,354
Yeah, right. No woman has ever been
good enough for your mom.

1366
01:03:37,522 --> 01:03:40,398
You think the first one she gonna root for
is the baby mama?

1367
01:03:40,566 --> 01:03:42,359
- Good luck with that.
- Listen to this.

1368
01:03:42,527 --> 01:03:47,113
"Could we reschedule beach day?
I promised to take my mom to choir practice."

1369
01:03:47,281 --> 01:03:50,075
I can't do that to myself again,
and I won't do that to Duke.

1370
01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:52,452
We both deserve a man who's all in.

1371
01:03:52,620 --> 01:03:54,079
Well, then set your standards.

1372
01:03:54,247 --> 01:03:57,249
Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm quoting
anything from that silly little book.

1373
01:03:57,416 --> 01:04:00,752
You tell Michael that you don't want
to come in between him and his mother

1374
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:03,129
and that if he wants to continue dating you,

1375
01:04:03,297 --> 01:04:05,382
then you must be a priority in his life.

1376
01:04:05,550 --> 01:04:07,884
She's had him his whole life.
I can't compete with that.

1377
01:04:08,052 --> 01:04:10,220
Well, then dump the first man
you've met in three years

1378
01:04:10,388 --> 01:04:13,390
that genuinely cares about you and Duke.

1379
01:04:13,558 --> 01:04:15,976
Wait a minute, there's no such thing
as a perfect man, right?

1380
01:04:16,143 --> 01:04:17,435
What do you have to lose?

1381
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,437
Isn't that what you've been preaching
to me all night?

1382
01:04:19,730 --> 01:04:20,856
Okay.

1383
01:04:21,816 --> 01:04:23,066
I will if you will.

1384
01:04:24,068 --> 01:04:25,235
It was the darkest hour.

1385
01:04:25,736 --> 01:04:28,154
The guys were under a full-scale attack.

1386
01:04:28,239 --> 01:04:30,657
But everything changed on D-Day.

1387
01:04:40,918 --> 01:04:44,921
Okay, tell me something.
How does it feel to officially be a free man?

1388
01:04:45,089 --> 01:04:46,882
Great. Okay, listen,

1389
01:04:46,966 --> 01:04:48,383
- I can do whatever I want...
- Okay.

1390
01:04:48,593 --> 01:04:51,344
- ...whenever I want, with whoever I want.
- Okay.

1391
01:04:51,512 --> 01:04:52,762
I'm free from all the "tie-ranny"...

1392
01:04:52,930 --> 01:04:54,472
- It's "tyranny".
- Will you shut up, Bennett?

1393
01:04:54,599 --> 01:04:56,975
- Let him finish what he's saying!
- I just want you to have proper grammar.

1394
01:04:57,059 --> 01:04:59,436
All right!
I'm free from all the tyranny and oppression.

1395
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:02,188
And nagging from all women for good.
You hear me?

1396
01:05:02,356 --> 01:05:05,108
Matter of fact,
only woman I want to talk to tonight

1397
01:05:05,276 --> 01:05:06,985
is dancing butt-naked down
at the Ass Factory.

1398
01:05:07,069 --> 01:05:08,069
What happened to the Sweaty Crack?

1399
01:05:08,195 --> 01:05:10,280
- They got shut down. Health-code violations.
- Heard about that.

1400
01:05:11,490 --> 01:05:13,783
But here's the thing,
I like the Ass Factory better,

1401
01:05:13,951 --> 01:05:16,202
'cause the girls down there are nasty.
But they're my kind of nasty.

1402
01:05:16,287 --> 01:05:17,329
Ced! Ced.

1403
01:05:17,496 --> 01:05:19,956
Don't judge me!
I'm going through a divorce, homie.

1404
01:05:20,124 --> 01:05:22,042
Hey, yo, Lauren confirmed
our date tomorrow.

1405
01:05:22,209 --> 01:05:23,501
I thought you and that Lauren was done.

1406
01:05:23,669 --> 01:05:25,045
Why you all in the man's business?

1407
01:05:25,212 --> 01:05:26,630
I thought my man said
he was done with Lauren.

1408
01:05:26,797 --> 01:05:28,131
You are whipped!

1409
01:05:28,299 --> 01:05:30,216
- He's worse than Mike.
- Chill with that "worse than Mike."

1410
01:05:30,384 --> 01:05:31,551
- You wanna hear a good story?
- No.

1411
01:05:31,636 --> 01:05:33,678
Ced, tell them about the night
you saved it with Gail.

1412
01:05:33,763 --> 01:05:36,640
I'll take this goddamn bottle and knock
your face off, you bring Gail up again.

1413
01:05:36,807 --> 01:05:40,977
I don't wanna talk about Gail!
All I want to talk about is titties and ass!

1414
01:05:41,145 --> 01:05:43,521
Yo, it's Candace. Should I take it?

1415
01:05:43,689 --> 01:05:46,149
No, man! Here, give me the phone.
Bros before hos.

1416
01:05:46,317 --> 01:05:48,818
Hello. Candace. Hey, what's up, girl?

1417
01:05:49,028 --> 01:05:51,196
- Michael.
- I was just thinking 'bout you.

1418
01:05:51,364 --> 01:05:53,490
No, hi, I thought I'd get your voicemail.

1419
01:05:53,658 --> 01:05:55,075
No, you got me, baby.

1420
01:05:55,242 --> 01:05:56,493
Listen, Michael.

1421
01:05:57,370 --> 01:05:58,662
We need to talk.

1422
01:05:58,829 --> 01:06:03,708
Ladies, few words are more menacing
than the dreaded four, "We need to talk".

1423
01:06:04,001 --> 01:06:07,837
Now, that means one of two things,
that we did something wrong

1424
01:06:08,005 --> 01:06:12,217
or, you, literally, want to talk.

1425
01:06:13,010 --> 01:06:15,095
- She wants to talk.
- That's a new one.

1426
01:06:15,179 --> 01:06:16,179
That's bad, dude.

1427
01:06:16,263 --> 01:06:18,306
Good! I hope she talk your damn head off.

1428
01:06:18,432 --> 01:06:20,266
Is it ever a good sign
when a woman wants to talk?

1429
01:06:20,434 --> 01:06:22,435
No. Not in my house anymore.

1430
01:06:22,603 --> 01:06:26,523
Kris used to be fun and chill,
and now she's just in my face all the time,

1431
01:06:26,691 --> 01:06:29,526
nagging, harping, like,
"What are your short-term goals?

1432
01:06:29,694 --> 01:06:33,029
"What are your long-term goals?
Jeremy, what's your view on relationships?"

1433
01:06:33,197 --> 01:06:34,698
Like, I'm in the middle of a game
of Call of Duty...

1434
01:06:34,865 --> 01:06:36,950
Whoa, whoa, whoa, run that back.
What did you just say?

1435
01:06:37,034 --> 01:06:38,952
What, the long-term goals, short...
Please, don't make

1436
01:06:39,036 --> 01:06:40,537
- me repeat...
- Yes, that's crazy. You know what?

1437
01:06:40,621 --> 01:06:43,373
Candace asked me those
exact same questions on our first date.

1438
01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:44,874
Mya asked me the same thing.

1439
01:06:45,042 --> 01:06:46,126
So did Lauren.

1440
01:06:46,252 --> 01:06:48,420
You know what?
You know who asked me that question?

1441
01:06:49,088 --> 01:06:52,465
Not a goddamn soul!
'Cause strippers don't ask me shit!

1442
01:06:52,550 --> 01:06:55,510
Listen to what she said to me the other day.
She said, "I'm not your sports fish."

1443
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:56,761
What is a sports fish?

1444
01:06:56,929 --> 01:06:59,139
A trophy girl.
You show her off to your buddies.

1445
01:06:59,306 --> 01:07:01,141
What the hell are you talking about, Bennett?

1446
01:07:01,225 --> 01:07:02,225
I was watching Oprah.

1447
01:07:02,309 --> 01:07:03,852
- Why are you watching Oprah?
- I like Oprah.

1448
01:07:03,936 --> 01:07:06,521
Man, you gotta say "no homo"
when you say shit like that at a divorce party.

1449
01:07:06,605 --> 01:07:07,731
She had Steve Harvey on the show.

1450
01:07:07,815 --> 01:07:10,734
He wrote some book.
It's for women, but it's about men.

1451
01:07:10,901 --> 01:07:13,278
- Family Feud Steve Harvey?
- I heard something about that.

1452
01:07:13,362 --> 01:07:15,780
He threw us under the bus like that?
That's uncouth. I wouldn't do that.

1453
01:07:15,865 --> 01:07:17,240
I thought Steve Harvey
was kind of my nigga, but...

1454
01:07:17,324 --> 01:07:18,491
- Me, too.
- What?

1455
01:07:18,659 --> 01:07:20,243
- You, too, what?
- I didn't say anything.

1456
01:07:20,411 --> 01:07:23,038
Just tell me exactly what he says in the book.

1457
01:07:23,122 --> 01:07:24,247
A whole bunch of shit.

1458
01:07:24,457 --> 01:07:27,751
All right, this is why we're ruining my party.
'Cause of that information.

1459
01:07:27,918 --> 01:07:30,587
I got it online, here we go. I got a review...

1460
01:07:30,755 --> 01:07:31,963
I got to get my hands on that book.

1461
01:07:32,131 --> 01:07:33,465
No, you're not gonna do it now.

1462
01:07:33,632 --> 01:07:35,759
- You said bros before hos.
- One second.

1463
01:07:35,926 --> 01:07:37,677
Exactly! Guess what? Your bro need a ho!

1464
01:07:37,845 --> 01:07:39,387
Let me tell you something,
I got a pocket full of ones

1465
01:07:39,472 --> 01:07:40,764
and I ain't got no goddamn drawers on.

1466
01:07:40,931 --> 01:07:42,015
I didn't wear no drawers tonight.

1467
01:07:42,099 --> 01:07:44,434
Now y'all supposed to be my wing men.
Right now, fly with me!

1468
01:07:44,602 --> 01:07:48,772
Celebrate, men! Get your...
Fly with me, men! Goddamn it!

1469
01:07:49,106 --> 01:07:50,106
This ain't good.

1470
01:07:50,274 --> 01:07:51,858
Yes, hello, we're looking for a book called...

1471
01:07:52,109 --> 01:07:53,777
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.

1472
01:07:53,944 --> 01:07:57,363
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
Everywhere? Thanks.

1473
01:07:58,032 --> 01:07:59,991
Said they've been sold out for, like, a week.

1474
01:08:00,159 --> 01:08:01,367
- Good.
- Can't be sold out everywhere.

1475
01:08:01,535 --> 01:08:03,620
- They don't even have it on eBay.
- It's the power of Oprah.

1476
01:08:03,704 --> 01:08:06,456
I think I got something.
Okay, cool. Where's San Pablo?

1477
01:08:06,540 --> 01:08:07,624
Border of Oregon.

1478
01:08:07,833 --> 01:08:08,958
That's not gonna work.

1479
01:08:09,126 --> 01:08:10,960
- Looks like we tried.
- Hello. Right now?

1480
01:08:11,045 --> 01:08:12,337
Tomorrow is another day.
We can tackle it then.

1481
01:08:12,421 --> 01:08:14,464
- Let's go, men. Strip club time!
- Y'all take me to my mama house?

1482
01:08:14,548 --> 01:08:15,632
Driver, can we go to my house?

1483
01:08:15,716 --> 01:08:17,467
I thought you said you was gonna
cancel that with your mama.

1484
01:08:17,635 --> 01:08:19,177
Have you ever tried
canceling on my mom, Ced?

1485
01:08:19,345 --> 01:08:22,013
I'm gonna say this since don't
nobody else wanna say it, Michael.

1486
01:08:22,848 --> 01:08:24,849
You ever try heterosexuality?

1487
01:08:31,524 --> 01:08:32,649
Mom!

1488
01:08:35,569 --> 01:08:36,736
Got your favorite.

1489
01:08:36,904 --> 01:08:38,530
- Smelling good, too.
- Look at that, huh?

1490
01:08:38,697 --> 01:08:41,157
Let me get some chicken.
Let me get some chicken!

1491
01:08:41,325 --> 01:08:44,536
Stop. And the onions, you know
I love the sautéed onions, and the cornbread.

1492
01:08:44,703 --> 01:08:47,497
I know. I'm gonna get you a plate,
but clear all this off, first.

1493
01:08:47,665 --> 01:08:50,834
All right, all right.
And make sure that sweet potato pie...

1494
01:08:52,086 --> 01:08:53,878
I will, little boy, you just clear the counter.

1495
01:08:54,213 --> 01:08:55,672
Mom, what is this?

1496
01:08:56,173 --> 01:09:00,176
That's that book by that big-head boy
that's on that Family Feud thing.

1497
01:09:00,344 --> 01:09:02,011
Act Like something,
Think Like something else.

1498
01:09:02,179 --> 01:09:03,221
It's the new read for my book club.

1499
01:09:03,347 --> 01:09:05,056
Every war has its turning point.

1500
01:09:05,432 --> 01:09:08,560
In the Civil War,
it was the Battle of Gettysburg.

1501
01:09:10,104 --> 01:09:13,022
World War Il,
it was the Invasion of Normandy.

1502
01:09:14,525 --> 01:09:17,735
The definitive turning point in this war
was that night at Loretta's house.

1503
01:09:17,903 --> 01:09:19,112
It was like finding the Holy Grail.

1504
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:22,115
Jeremy. Tell them to turn the bus around.

1505
01:09:22,283 --> 01:09:25,285
The power had just shifted in our favor.
But we didn't know that yet.

1506
01:09:25,452 --> 01:09:27,203
"Why Men Do What They Do."
Look at this, guys.

1507
01:09:27,371 --> 01:09:28,872
Steve Harvey is a traitor.

1508
01:09:29,039 --> 01:09:31,624
Look, "Mama's Boys." Chapter 7. That's you.

1509
01:09:31,792 --> 01:09:32,876
I'm not a Mama's Boy.

1510
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:34,210
Jer, you don't think
I'm a Mama's Boy, do you?

1511
01:09:34,378 --> 01:09:35,712
- Nah.
- Listen to this.

1512
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:38,882
"Men respect standards, get some."
I prefer my women not to have standards.

1513
01:09:38,966 --> 01:09:41,843
In fact, if I've got to choose, I'm gonna
choose the woman who has no standards.

1514
01:09:41,927 --> 01:09:44,596
Hold up. "Until a man achieves his goals,
or is on the road to,

1515
01:09:44,763 --> 01:09:46,806
"you will never be number one in his life."

1516
01:09:46,974 --> 01:09:48,308
See, that's not even true.

1517
01:09:48,475 --> 01:09:51,477
I've achieved absolutely nothing
and I still put my women first.

1518
01:09:51,645 --> 01:09:53,396
- This is sick.
- It's brainwashing, I'm telling you.

1519
01:09:53,564 --> 01:09:57,192
She's trying to push me towards my dreams
and help me accomplish my goals.

1520
01:09:57,276 --> 01:09:58,526
Why would she do this?

1521
01:09:58,611 --> 01:09:59,944
Shit, at least you're getting some.

1522
01:10:00,404 --> 01:10:03,072
Ninety days, that's not a probation,
that's a death sentence.

1523
01:10:03,157 --> 01:10:04,449
Hell, yeah, I want to taste your yams.

1524
01:10:04,950 --> 01:10:06,826
Hey, Mike, how old is your mom?

1525
01:10:06,911 --> 01:10:07,952
What?

1526
01:10:08,245 --> 01:10:11,623
No, not like that. No, it is. It is like that.
How old is she?

1527
01:10:11,707 --> 01:10:14,125
I come in the house, she's like,
"You want to eat?" I said, "Eat what?"

1528
01:10:14,293 --> 01:10:16,794
Yo, first of all, put my plate down
and stop hitting on my mom, man.

1529
01:10:16,921 --> 01:10:18,463
Don't get mad at me!
I don't even wanna be here.

1530
01:10:18,547 --> 01:10:20,590
Y'all the ones that wanna be here,
I want to go to the strip club!

1531
01:10:20,841 --> 01:10:24,177
Man, wrap this up. I got a bunch of ones,
and somebody gonna get them.

1532
01:10:24,345 --> 01:10:27,931
Ms. Loretta! I'm ready for the rest of the tour.

1533
01:10:30,476 --> 01:10:34,270
You guys are so screwed. And honestly,
there's nothing you can do about it.

1534
01:10:34,438 --> 01:10:35,480
Maybe we can.

1535
01:10:35,648 --> 01:10:38,691
They got our playbook, man.
They know all of our maneuvers.

1536
01:10:38,859 --> 01:10:42,779
Yeah, but they don't know that we know
that they know our maneuvers.

1537
01:10:42,947 --> 01:10:44,530
You see why I don't hang out
with Jeremy by himself?

1538
01:10:44,615 --> 01:10:45,949
I don't ever know what he's talking about.

1539
01:10:46,116 --> 01:10:50,203
Guys! It's like the Patriots,
when Bill Belichick stole the Jets' plays.

1540
01:10:50,371 --> 01:10:52,372
- Right, and they got busted.
- Yeah, but they won the game.

1541
01:10:52,539 --> 01:10:55,375
And where'd they end up? The Super Bowl.

1542
01:10:55,542 --> 01:10:56,960
I wish I knew what you was talking about.

1543
01:10:57,127 --> 01:10:59,128
We use Steve Harvey's words against them.

1544
01:10:59,296 --> 01:11:02,173
We pretend to give them what they want
so we get what we want.

1545
01:11:02,508 --> 01:11:03,549
We lie to them.

1546
01:11:04,134 --> 01:11:08,137
Exactly. This is war, gentlemen.
There are no rules.

1547
01:11:08,305 --> 01:11:10,974
Like the great Khan once said, not Genghis,

1548
01:11:11,141 --> 01:11:13,309
I'm talking about the Latin guy
from Star Trek Il.

1549
01:11:13,477 --> 01:11:15,812
"Revenge is a dish best served cold."

1550
01:11:15,980 --> 01:11:18,481
Michael, I need to get something
off my chest.

1551
01:11:18,649 --> 01:11:20,817
You know what?
Before you get something off your chest,

1552
01:11:20,901 --> 01:11:22,652
I gotta get something off my chest.

1553
01:11:22,820 --> 01:11:24,737
You know I can be a bit of a Mama's Boy?

1554
01:11:25,489 --> 01:11:27,824
I think it really all started when my dad died.

1555
01:11:29,493 --> 01:11:31,536
It was a rough time for us, you know?

1556
01:11:31,704 --> 01:11:36,666
And my mom just started relying on me
for so many things. Too many things.

1557
01:11:37,543 --> 01:11:41,045
You know, I had to be the man of the house
at a really young age

1558
01:11:41,213 --> 01:11:42,714
and I guess maybe that's why we're so close.

1559
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:43,840
Michael.

1560
01:11:44,174 --> 01:11:46,217
And I guess,
I guess what I'm trying to say is this.

1561
01:11:47,845 --> 01:11:50,680
I want you to be the number one
woman in my life.

1562
01:11:50,848 --> 01:11:53,308
It was like taking a test
you already had the answers to.

1563
01:11:53,767 --> 01:11:56,686
You're my priority, Candace. All right?

1564
01:11:56,937 --> 01:11:58,021
Yeah.

1565
01:11:58,230 --> 01:12:00,898
All right. Now, you said you wanted
to talk about something.

1566
01:12:02,651 --> 01:12:03,735
Did I?

1567
01:12:04,194 --> 01:12:08,114
The women had no chance.
They were like putty in our hands.

1568
01:12:08,282 --> 01:12:12,910
So, I just updated my résumé,
and sent it off to Neversoft.

1569
01:12:13,871 --> 01:12:14,912
Really?

1570
01:12:15,039 --> 01:12:16,122
You're serious?

1571
01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:19,542
I was intrigued by a job posting
I saw in Adweek and I thought,

1572
01:12:19,710 --> 01:12:22,378
"Why not go for it, Jeremy?
You have nothing else to lose."

1573
01:12:22,546 --> 01:12:25,882
Baby, that's awesome, that's wonderful.
I'm so proud of you.

1574
01:12:26,091 --> 01:12:27,717
- Oh, my God.
- Don't get too excited, okay?

1575
01:12:27,885 --> 01:12:30,720
It's just a feeler.
Probably won't even call me in.

1576
01:12:30,888 --> 01:12:32,263
No, you're selling yourself short.

1577
01:12:32,431 --> 01:12:35,892
Jeremy, you were the best in your class
at Parsons, you're a brilliant designer.

1578
01:12:36,060 --> 01:12:38,895
No. You're a brilliant artist.
They'd be lucky to have you.

1579
01:12:39,480 --> 01:12:40,772
I'm lucky to have you.

1580
01:12:42,316 --> 01:12:43,649
You are?

1581
01:12:45,486 --> 01:12:46,652
You know what I was just thinking?

1582
01:12:46,737 --> 01:12:47,779
What?

1583
01:12:47,905 --> 01:12:49,572
Nobody's had sex on this couch yet.

1584
01:12:49,907 --> 01:12:50,990
What?

1585
01:12:51,450 --> 01:12:53,910
- No, it's a virgin couch.
- Really?

1586
01:12:54,078 --> 01:12:55,328
What do you think we should do about that?

1587
01:12:55,496 --> 01:12:57,121
There's about 10 things
I think we can do about that.

1588
01:12:57,206 --> 01:12:58,247
Only 10?

1589
01:12:58,582 --> 01:13:00,583
You'll be crying out like a bitch after three.

1590
01:13:00,751 --> 01:13:02,085
Now I'm scared.

1591
01:13:02,294 --> 01:13:03,461
I love this couch.

1592
01:13:03,629 --> 01:13:06,839
After careful study, Dominic realized
there was only one man

1593
01:13:06,924 --> 01:13:08,257
who could impress the Alpha Female.

1594
01:13:08,425 --> 01:13:10,134
"The Guy With Potential." Zeke.

1595
01:13:10,302 --> 01:13:12,345
- What?
- I have to show her I'm a man with a plan.

1596
01:13:12,513 --> 01:13:14,180
- Well, just make some shit up, dude.
- No.

1597
01:13:14,348 --> 01:13:15,807
- Remember that restaurant idea I had?
- Yeah.

1598
01:13:15,974 --> 01:13:17,767
I need you to help me with a business plan.

1599
01:13:17,935 --> 01:13:19,602
Cook for her. Dummy.

1600
01:13:19,770 --> 01:13:21,938
I already did. Breakfast.

1601
01:13:22,106 --> 01:13:25,525
I ain't talking about no breakfast, boy!
Something fancy, Dom.

1602
01:13:25,943 --> 01:13:29,362
Like, like one of them dishes
with an apostrophe in it.

1603
01:13:29,530 --> 01:13:30,613
Is that your robe?

1604
01:13:31,448 --> 01:13:32,490
Yeah.

1605
01:13:32,616 --> 01:13:33,616
Man, you here again?

1606
01:13:33,826 --> 01:13:37,453
Yes! Ass Factory don't open up
'til 10:00, so I got time to waste.

1607
01:13:37,621 --> 01:13:39,956
- Bitch, move in already.
- What'd you say?

1608
01:13:40,791 --> 01:13:43,459
I'm sorry if I want to be around my friends
when I'm going through a divorce.

1609
01:13:43,544 --> 01:13:44,710
What was I thinking?

1610
01:13:44,795 --> 01:13:46,170
You're something else, boy.

1611
01:13:46,296 --> 01:13:49,257
Look, Gail used to love it
when I would cook for her. It turned her on.

1612
01:13:49,425 --> 01:13:51,092
You can do all types of things in the kitchen.

1613
01:13:51,260 --> 01:13:52,802
We had a little food thing that we would do.

1614
01:13:52,970 --> 01:13:55,221
I would go and get some
chocolate-covered strawberries, right?

1615
01:13:55,389 --> 01:13:58,433
Then I would come downstairs,
I have a G-string on.

1616
01:13:58,976 --> 01:14:00,935
You know what I'm talking about.
She used to love it.

1617
01:14:01,103 --> 01:14:04,147
So, the game was "Balance the Berry."

1618
01:14:05,357 --> 01:14:06,691
I would put it on the...

1619
01:14:07,651 --> 01:14:08,734
But the way it's...

1620
01:14:10,195 --> 01:14:13,322
The berry ain't gonna stay there for long.
The berry wouldn't stay on, so...

1621
01:14:15,325 --> 01:14:18,161
The point that I'm making is this, Dom.

1622
01:14:18,328 --> 01:14:20,997
Food is your art. Stick with what you know.

1623
01:14:23,417 --> 01:14:24,459
It's good milk, Zeke.

1624
01:14:26,545 --> 01:14:27,587
He's right.

1625
01:14:29,798 --> 01:14:30,840
It's on.

1626
01:14:30,966 --> 01:14:32,341
- It's over.
- Wait, what happened?

1627
01:14:32,509 --> 01:14:34,552
Dominic's car broke down.

1628
01:14:34,720 --> 01:14:36,262
I have to go pick him up?

1629
01:14:36,430 --> 01:14:37,680
So? Calm down.
Do you know how many times

1630
01:14:37,764 --> 01:14:39,640
I had to pick you up
when your Jag broke down?

1631
01:14:39,808 --> 01:14:41,100
Save it, Candace.

1632
01:14:41,268 --> 01:14:42,602
The man is a loser.

1633
01:14:42,686 --> 01:14:45,521
And I'm the fool who slept with him.
On the first night.

1634
01:14:45,689 --> 01:14:49,400
Which is a memory he will have
to cherish for the rest of his life

1635
01:14:49,568 --> 01:14:53,404
because it is never happening again. Never.

1636
01:14:57,409 --> 01:14:58,451
Hey, beautiful.

1637
01:15:00,120 --> 01:15:01,204
Dominic.

1638
01:15:04,583 --> 01:15:06,000
You look beautiful.

1639
01:15:06,168 --> 01:15:08,002
Yeah, you've mentioned that.

1640
01:15:09,546 --> 01:15:12,548
- Would you like a glass of wine?
- Actually, I came over here...

1641
01:15:12,716 --> 01:15:14,967
It's a Chateau Montelena, 2006.

1642
01:15:18,138 --> 01:15:22,475
That won first place in
the Judgment of Paris back in '76.

1643
01:15:22,643 --> 01:15:25,394
Actually, it was a '73 Chardonnay that won,

1644
01:15:25,562 --> 01:15:27,855
but I've heard this one is better.

1645
01:15:28,524 --> 01:15:29,565
It was a gift.

1646
01:15:30,442 --> 01:15:33,528
But I wanted to save it for a special occasion.

1647
01:15:34,780 --> 01:15:36,197
Well, thank you.

1648
01:15:39,409 --> 01:15:40,451
So,

1649
01:15:41,828 --> 01:15:42,870
to tonight.

1650
01:15:44,706 --> 01:15:45,748
Yeah.

1651
01:15:49,962 --> 01:15:51,295
Oh, my God.

1652
01:15:51,463 --> 01:15:52,880
This is good.

1653
01:15:53,840 --> 01:15:55,633
Yeah, there's more.

1654
01:16:10,899 --> 01:16:12,775
You did all this for me?

1655
01:16:27,291 --> 01:16:28,499
Good evening, madam.

1656
01:16:29,459 --> 01:16:30,585
Wild...

1657
01:16:31,128 --> 01:16:32,253
- Goddamn.
- Man...

1658
01:16:32,421 --> 01:16:34,255
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

1659
01:16:35,007 --> 01:16:36,966
Wild Mushroom en "Croût"?

1660
01:16:38,260 --> 01:16:39,302
Croûte.

1661
01:16:39,636 --> 01:16:40,636
Croûte?

1662
01:16:42,014 --> 01:16:43,055
Thank you.

1663
01:16:43,223 --> 01:16:45,349
- Enjoy your dinner.
- Thanks.

1664
01:16:50,981 --> 01:16:55,651
I really wanted to change your association
of me with hors d'oeuvres.

1665
01:16:56,862 --> 01:16:58,154
So, what do you think?

1666
01:16:59,281 --> 01:17:00,323
Amazing.

1667
01:17:02,492 --> 01:17:03,826
So are you.

1668
01:17:04,870 --> 01:17:06,078
Thank you.

1669
01:17:08,999 --> 01:17:10,958
And look at the stars.

1670
01:17:11,627 --> 01:17:13,044
Make a wish.

1671
01:17:17,049 --> 01:17:18,090
Okay.

1672
01:17:23,805 --> 01:17:25,389
Aren't you gonna make one?

1673
01:17:29,394 --> 01:17:30,686
No need.

1674
01:17:45,952 --> 01:17:49,246
And on that same night, Zeke
was on an entirely different kind of mission.

1675
01:17:49,414 --> 01:17:51,123
Dude, don't tell me what I said.
I know what I said.

1676
01:17:51,291 --> 01:17:53,209
- But I'm telling you, I'm done with her.
- What?

1677
01:17:53,377 --> 01:17:55,127
I'm not competing with this 90-Day Rule.

1678
01:17:55,295 --> 01:17:56,629
You have the ammo.

1679
01:17:56,797 --> 01:17:58,464
Babe, I'm going upstairs.

1680
01:18:01,468 --> 01:18:02,551
All right, listen.

1681
01:18:02,719 --> 01:18:07,473
Use "how men show their love" against her
to get the cookie.

1682
01:18:07,641 --> 01:18:09,225
You profess. Call her your girlfriend.

1683
01:18:09,393 --> 01:18:11,102
Bro, stop it. Do you have any idea
what I've been through?

1684
01:18:11,269 --> 01:18:13,813
I'm sick of picking up checks
and opening doors,

1685
01:18:13,980 --> 01:18:16,023
and talking about our feelings
and our childhoods.

1686
01:18:16,191 --> 01:18:17,942
It's like the 1950s, man! I just want to hit.

1687
01:18:18,110 --> 01:18:20,778
And if she thinks I'm gonna wait
71 more days just to get the cookie,

1688
01:18:20,946 --> 01:18:22,905
- she gonna be waiting by herself.
- You kept count?

1689
01:18:23,073 --> 01:18:25,658
I'm not counting, but you're gonna know
the amount of day...

1690
01:18:25,826 --> 01:18:26,992
You really like her.

1691
01:18:27,160 --> 01:18:29,161
No, bro, trust me on this. I am done, okay?

1692
01:18:29,329 --> 01:18:30,496
I'm ending it tonight.

1693
01:18:30,664 --> 01:18:32,123
Yeah, have fun on your date.

1694
01:18:32,290 --> 01:18:34,125
I bet you I dump her 90-day ass.

1695
01:18:35,544 --> 01:18:36,585
Hey.

1696
01:18:37,629 --> 01:18:38,796
Listen.

1697
01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:40,423
Mya, about tonight...

1698
01:18:40,590 --> 01:18:41,632
Okay, I have a surprise.

1699
01:18:42,092 --> 01:18:43,134
You do?

1700
01:18:43,301 --> 01:18:46,303
Yeah, I got us tickets to see
John Legend at Nokia Theatre.

1701
01:18:48,348 --> 01:18:50,725
Okay, that's cool.

1702
01:18:51,017 --> 01:18:52,059
Yeah.

1703
01:18:52,644 --> 01:18:54,729
- Okay.
- Okay. So, let's go.

1704
01:19:01,737 --> 01:19:04,697
So, I hope you don't get mad at me,

1705
01:19:04,865 --> 01:19:08,242
but my uncle is a music producer
and I passed him your CD.

1706
01:19:08,410 --> 01:19:09,452
You took my CD?

1707
01:19:09,703 --> 01:19:12,747
Yes. And the three pieces of gum
that were stuck to it.

1708
01:19:12,914 --> 01:19:15,166
Okay, you know what?
I was looking for that gum.

1709
01:19:15,333 --> 01:19:19,170
You know I'm done with
the music industry, right? I love what I do.

1710
01:19:19,337 --> 01:19:21,672
Okay, Zeke, he's not trying
to sign you, though.

1711
01:19:21,840 --> 01:19:24,300
He wants some new songs
for some albums that he's working on.

1712
01:19:24,468 --> 01:19:27,178
Yeah, well, my album went Plat-none, okay?

1713
01:19:27,345 --> 01:19:29,346
I mean, two people heard it
and both of them were relatives.

1714
01:19:29,514 --> 01:19:33,267
Okay, but I was raving about it,
and he decided to check it out.

1715
01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:35,936
You should've been my manager.

1716
01:19:38,398 --> 01:19:39,398
Zeke!

1717
01:19:39,566 --> 01:19:42,526
Super Freak Zeke! What up, baby?

1718
01:19:42,694 --> 01:19:44,695
- Man, hey, what's up... Xavier!
- What up, baby.

1719
01:19:44,863 --> 01:19:48,157
Oh, my goodness. Baby, this is Zeke.
This is the guy that taught me the move.

1720
01:19:48,325 --> 01:19:49,867
The Chimichanga!
He was the one who taught me.

1721
01:19:50,035 --> 01:19:51,410
Hey, this is my lady, Crystal.

1722
01:19:51,578 --> 01:19:53,662
Hey, what's going on, Crystal?
How you doing?

1723
01:19:55,373 --> 01:19:57,833
Oh, my bad. Xavier, this is...

1724
01:19:59,252 --> 01:20:02,505
Now ladies, if a man simply introduces you
as his friend,

1725
01:20:02,672 --> 01:20:05,424
then please understand,
you are nothing more than his friend.

1726
01:20:05,592 --> 01:20:09,220
See, if a man has a plan for you in his future,
then he's gonna profess it.

1727
01:20:09,387 --> 01:20:11,096
He's gonna attach a title to it.

1728
01:20:11,264 --> 01:20:16,143
You're gonna be his woman,
his lady, his fiancée, or...

1729
01:20:17,813 --> 01:20:19,480
My girlfriend, Mya.

1730
01:20:21,733 --> 01:20:24,109
Zeke realized the man could get
a hell of a lot further,

1731
01:20:24,277 --> 01:20:28,405
with one well-placed profession
than with six carefully planned dates.

1732
01:20:36,790 --> 01:20:37,915
Oh, my God.

1733
01:20:39,251 --> 01:20:40,292
I think we should stop.

1734
01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:43,671
I have to get up early.

1735
01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:46,298
So, I better go.

1736
01:20:47,217 --> 01:20:48,467
Okay.

1737
01:20:48,760 --> 01:20:49,927
Good night!

1738
01:20:51,638 --> 01:20:53,013
Well, I could walk you to...

1739
01:20:53,181 --> 01:20:55,599
No, I got this. I'm good, good night!

1740
01:20:56,184 --> 01:20:59,478
The guys may have lost some battles,
but they were winning the war.

1741
01:20:59,646 --> 01:21:01,438
I'm telling you, Gina. It worked.

1742
01:21:01,606 --> 01:21:04,108
He's finally stepping up
and looking for a betterjob.

1743
01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:06,443
Family Feud knows what he's talking about?

1744
01:21:06,570 --> 01:21:07,570
Changing the game.

1745
01:21:07,696 --> 01:21:09,655
How does this affect the 90-Day Rule?

1746
01:21:09,948 --> 01:21:12,074
The 90-Day Rule is what got me to this point.

1747
01:21:12,284 --> 01:21:15,202
It's just, I was saying that
I'm not opposed to amending it,

1748
01:21:15,370 --> 01:21:16,662
you know, for good behavior.

1749
01:21:16,830 --> 01:21:18,998
Like changing his Facebook status?

1750
01:21:19,165 --> 01:21:21,125
Yeah, see, that's good behavior,

1751
01:21:21,293 --> 01:21:22,835
but the cookies don't come
out of the cookie jar

1752
01:21:22,919 --> 01:21:24,753
for anything less than the three magic words.

1753
01:21:24,921 --> 01:21:27,673
I hope you guys are ready
for some fun in the sun.

1754
01:21:27,841 --> 01:21:29,133
Oh, yeah, some fun in the sun.

1755
01:21:30,427 --> 01:21:32,803
Oh, wait. Baby, should you get that?
It's work.

1756
01:21:33,388 --> 01:21:34,471
Yeah, it's okay.

1757
01:21:34,681 --> 01:21:37,850
No! Why would I answer work calls
when I'm with y'all two?

1758
01:21:37,934 --> 01:21:39,935
- Don't worry about work.
- Yeah, no work.

1759
01:21:40,395 --> 01:21:42,730
- You okay back there, Duke?
- Yeah.

1760
01:21:42,898 --> 01:21:45,983
All right, now you got your license, too?
'Cause you're driving back, right?

1761
01:21:50,780 --> 01:21:52,156
I'm just joking.

1762
01:21:52,824 --> 01:21:54,450
Such a romantic.

1763
01:21:54,618 --> 01:21:56,243
Things were almost going too well.

1764
01:21:56,411 --> 01:21:59,330
The guys had forgotten that
they were even at war.

1765
01:22:03,209 --> 01:22:05,753
All right, thanks a lot, everybody.
Once again, I'm Danny Vola.

1766
01:22:05,921 --> 01:22:08,172
Go up there and sing.
Come on, you should go...

1767
01:22:08,340 --> 01:22:09,965
No. I ain't sang in years, you sit down.

1768
01:22:10,133 --> 01:22:12,718
Wait, slow down! Okay, Duke!

1769
01:22:12,886 --> 01:22:15,596
- All right, you got this.
- Be careful!

1770
01:22:15,764 --> 01:22:18,349
I'm about to get you a motorcycle now,
the way you're going, baby.

1771
01:22:22,938 --> 01:22:24,521
Oh, you want some?

1772
01:22:43,083 --> 01:22:47,378
Sorry that took so long, babe.
One of the guys needed a little of my advice.

1773
01:22:48,296 --> 01:22:49,630
Where were we?

1774
01:22:49,923 --> 01:22:51,173
Right here.

1775
01:22:51,549 --> 01:22:53,926
But then things started to backfire.

1776
01:22:54,094 --> 01:22:56,637
What ever happened
with that job at Neversoft?

1777
01:22:58,682 --> 01:23:03,310
I forgot to tell you, I heard through
the grapevine they filled the position.

1778
01:23:05,021 --> 01:23:06,105
Really?

1779
01:23:06,773 --> 01:23:07,940
Yeah.

1780
01:23:10,443 --> 01:23:11,652
That's weird,

1781
01:23:13,029 --> 01:23:17,074
'cause I heard from Sarah's little brother...

1782
01:23:17,409 --> 01:23:19,576
- Yeah?
- ...on Linkedln.

1783
01:23:19,744 --> 01:23:22,663
And he said that the position was still open.

1784
01:23:23,999 --> 01:23:26,041
- Really?
- Yeah.

1785
01:23:26,209 --> 01:23:28,836
And that he was gonna personally
recommend you to his boss.

1786
01:23:29,004 --> 01:23:32,006
Except your résumé's not on file.

1787
01:23:32,799 --> 01:23:33,841
What?

1788
01:23:35,719 --> 01:23:37,511
I've been waiting this whole time.

1789
01:23:37,679 --> 01:23:41,390
You know what?
I had to reset the modem the other day.

1790
01:23:41,558 --> 01:23:43,684
I bet you the email didn't go through.

1791
01:23:43,852 --> 01:23:47,021
Yeah, I'll fix it in the morning.

1792
01:23:49,399 --> 01:23:50,649
The Internet?

1793
01:23:52,110 --> 01:23:55,195
Yeah, it happens all the time.

1794
01:23:58,575 --> 01:23:59,575
Kris?

1795
01:24:00,952 --> 01:24:02,995
The truth was catching up to them.

1796
01:24:07,167 --> 01:24:08,584
I'll miss you.

1797
01:24:09,961 --> 01:24:11,462
That's me, all right. I'll see you.

1798
01:24:11,629 --> 01:24:12,629
Okay.

1799
01:24:59,886 --> 01:25:00,928
James?

1800
01:25:01,137 --> 01:25:03,055
- James Merrill?
- Lauren Harris.

1801
01:25:04,516 --> 01:25:05,933
Wow, look at you.

1802
01:25:06,309 --> 01:25:07,518
Look at you.

1803
01:25:09,687 --> 01:25:12,981
You are like a fine wine.
You just get better with age, don't you?

1804
01:25:13,149 --> 01:25:16,151
And you get smoother.
What are you doing in LA?

1805
01:25:16,319 --> 01:25:20,322
I'm checking out a sublet.
Yeah, I was just promoted CEO of Sensala.

1806
01:25:20,740 --> 01:25:22,282
- Wow.
- Yeah, yeah.

1807
01:25:22,367 --> 01:25:23,367
I'm relocating to LA.

1808
01:25:23,535 --> 01:25:24,618
- You're kidding?
- No.

1809
01:25:24,702 --> 01:25:27,830
Well, I can't imagine Nina
ever wanting to leave Chicago.

1810
01:25:27,997 --> 01:25:29,706
Yeah, well, that's because she's not.

1811
01:25:30,750 --> 01:25:32,334
We're finalizing our divorce.

1812
01:25:32,877 --> 01:25:34,837
- Really?
- Yeah.

1813
01:25:35,004 --> 01:25:37,840
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's all right.

1814
01:25:38,007 --> 01:25:39,383
- We're friendly.
- That's good.

1815
01:25:39,551 --> 01:25:42,177
But what about you?
I mean, are you engaged? Married?

1816
01:25:42,846 --> 01:25:45,848
No. Not married or engaged.

1817
01:25:46,015 --> 01:25:47,349
Really?

1818
01:25:47,517 --> 01:25:49,184
Just dating, but nothing serious.

1819
01:25:49,853 --> 01:25:51,061
Well then, why don't we go to dinner?

1820
01:25:52,021 --> 01:25:53,188
Sure.

1821
01:25:53,356 --> 01:25:55,232
Let's do it. I mean, let's do dinner.

1822
01:25:57,193 --> 01:25:58,777
Well, you have to call me.

1823
01:25:58,945 --> 01:26:00,362
- Got the same number?
- Same number.

1824
01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:01,780
- All right.
- Use it.

1825
01:26:01,948 --> 01:26:03,866
- Tomorrow night.
- Absolutely.

1826
01:26:04,909 --> 01:26:06,618
- Like the car.
- Me, too.

1827
01:26:06,786 --> 01:26:07,870
Love the body.

1828
01:26:08,621 --> 01:26:09,872
On the car.

1829
01:26:13,001 --> 01:26:14,501
- I hate to trouble you...
- Go away!

1830
01:26:14,919 --> 01:26:18,213
I saw this episode last night at Mom's.
This joint is hilarious.

1831
01:26:18,381 --> 01:26:21,091
Wait, I thought you got called back
into work last night.

1832
01:26:21,259 --> 01:26:23,594
Oh, yeah, last night
I got called back into work,

1833
01:26:23,761 --> 01:26:25,888
but remember, I told you
I had to stop by my mom's

1834
01:26:26,055 --> 01:26:29,933
to drop off the stuff that she had put at my...
I told you that, babe.

1835
01:26:30,018 --> 01:26:32,686
- No, no, I don't think you...
- Give me a kiss, baby. You don't be listening.

1836
01:26:32,770 --> 01:26:35,189
And the lies were starting to add up.

1837
01:26:35,356 --> 01:26:37,900
Listen, my mom's planning
a really big family reunion.

1838
01:26:38,067 --> 01:26:40,235
- I'd love it if you could come.
- Whatever you want, baby.

1839
01:26:40,403 --> 01:26:41,486
- Really?
- Yeah.

1840
01:26:41,571 --> 01:26:45,657
I mean, the only bad thing is if your mom
and grandma are as fine as you,

1841
01:26:45,825 --> 01:26:47,826
you might have some competition over there.

1842
01:26:47,994 --> 01:26:49,161
Come here.

1843
01:26:50,371 --> 01:26:51,413
Cool!

1844
01:26:51,539 --> 01:26:52,706
It's at the park, in Culver City.

1845
01:26:52,874 --> 01:26:55,000
There's gonna be a trampoline and barbecue.

1846
01:26:55,168 --> 01:26:58,253
These walls have ears.
Duke, please go back to bed.

1847
01:27:01,174 --> 01:27:04,051
So, it's gonna be the 20th
and it's gonna be so great.

1848
01:27:04,219 --> 01:27:05,969
We're gonna have these
cotton candy machines...

1849
01:27:06,137 --> 01:27:08,764
- The 20th of this month?
- Carousels...

1850
01:27:08,932 --> 01:27:10,891
Baby, I can't make the 20th.

1851
01:27:11,142 --> 01:27:12,351
Why?

1852
01:27:12,727 --> 01:27:16,480
Well, actually, I promised my mom.
It's her church anniversary, so I promised...

1853
01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:18,065
Really? You gotta be kidding me!

1854
01:27:18,233 --> 01:27:19,733
Good night, Duke!

1855
01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:21,193
Baby, I'm gonna see what I can do, all right?

1856
01:27:21,361 --> 01:27:23,362
- Okay.
- I'm gonna make it happen.

1857
01:27:23,529 --> 01:27:24,780
Come here, girl, come here.

1858
01:27:24,948 --> 01:27:28,283
Turns out, the only problem
in pretending to step up is,

1859
01:27:28,451 --> 01:27:30,869
well, sometimes, you actually have to.

1860
01:27:31,037 --> 01:27:34,289
Yo, watch this right here.
Hold it, this is about to jump...

1861
01:27:40,004 --> 01:27:41,838
Okay, what?

1862
01:27:43,633 --> 01:27:47,427
Okay, okay, okay.
I wanted to wait until we had proper drinks,

1863
01:27:47,679 --> 01:27:50,847
but I talked to my uncle last night,

1864
01:27:51,015 --> 01:27:54,309
and he listened to your CD, and he loved it.

1865
01:27:54,477 --> 01:27:57,980
And he's obsessed with number seven,
and they want to meet with you on Tuesday!

1866
01:27:58,147 --> 01:27:59,314
Congratulations!

1867
01:27:59,565 --> 01:28:02,276
Oh, my God. You did this for me?

1868
01:28:02,443 --> 01:28:06,530
No, you did it. You left it all on the track.

1869
01:28:06,990 --> 01:28:08,615
I love you, girl.

1870
01:28:14,330 --> 01:28:15,664
Without even meaning to,

1871
01:28:15,748 --> 01:28:18,542
Zeke done messed around
and uttered the three magic words

1872
01:28:18,710 --> 01:28:20,585
that finally opened the cookie jar.

1873
01:28:45,361 --> 01:28:47,654
But Zeke's victory was short-lived.

1874
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:23,815
This cannot be good.

1875
01:29:25,985 --> 01:29:27,319
No, no, no.

1876
01:29:45,088 --> 01:29:48,548
Am I tripping, or was last night
the best night of my life?

1877
01:29:48,716 --> 01:29:49,883
You got the cookie.

1878
01:29:50,051 --> 01:29:54,388
The cookie? I'm the cookie monster.
You know what I got us? I got some latte...

1879
01:29:58,643 --> 01:30:00,560
Mya, I can explain that.

1880
01:30:00,728 --> 01:30:03,230
You lying-ass sack of shit!

1881
01:30:04,607 --> 01:30:06,983
I was just using this to defend myself.

1882
01:30:07,151 --> 01:30:08,735
Defending yourself against what?

1883
01:30:08,820 --> 01:30:09,861
Against your 90-Day Rule.

1884
01:30:09,987 --> 01:30:12,823
That was created for women to protect
themselves from sorry-asses like you.

1885
01:30:12,907 --> 01:30:14,699
So I'm the villain,
and you didn't even have the guts

1886
01:30:14,784 --> 01:30:16,785
to tell me that I was on a 90-day probation.

1887
01:30:16,869 --> 01:30:18,078
- I was gonna tell you.
- Were you gonna tell me?

1888
01:30:18,204 --> 01:30:22,332
Yes, I was gonna tell you.
But then, I thought I might amend it.

1889
01:30:24,919 --> 01:30:27,379
'Cause I thought
you might actually be the one.

1890
01:30:28,005 --> 01:30:29,339
So, was any of it real?

1891
01:30:29,799 --> 01:30:34,094
Any of it? The wining, the dining?
Calling me your girlfriend?

1892
01:30:34,262 --> 01:30:36,138
Or was that all just to get the cookie?

1893
01:30:38,391 --> 01:30:39,474
Wow.

1894
01:30:40,977 --> 01:30:42,352
You win, congratulations.

1895
01:30:43,396 --> 01:30:45,355
You got it, right? You won.

1896
01:30:45,523 --> 01:30:47,315
Mya, wait a minute. Mya, it was true.

1897
01:30:47,483 --> 01:30:49,109
Zeke, don't touch me!

1898
01:30:50,236 --> 01:30:51,653
God, you're so good.

1899
01:30:52,572 --> 01:30:53,905
You're so good.

1900
01:30:54,115 --> 01:30:56,825
Because even when I know that you're lying,

1901
01:30:58,119 --> 01:31:00,036
I still almost believe you.

1902
01:31:00,663 --> 01:31:05,208
In The Art of War, Sun Tzu wrote,
"All warfare is based on deception."

1903
01:31:05,376 --> 01:31:08,295
He left out, "Only dumbasses get caught."

1904
01:31:09,881 --> 01:31:11,256
Baby, your phone!

1905
01:31:11,674 --> 01:31:14,968
Meanwhile, Candace didn't even need
to find the book to get the message.

1906
01:31:15,136 --> 01:31:16,219
Michael Atwater's phone?

1907
01:31:17,054 --> 01:31:18,096
Tandace?

1908
01:31:18,181 --> 01:31:19,181
Loretta?

1909
01:31:19,307 --> 01:31:24,227
Listen, I'm calling to tell Michael
that I don't need him to take me to church.

1910
01:31:24,645 --> 01:31:27,481
Deacon Johnson
will be driving me to church.

1911
01:31:27,648 --> 01:31:29,733
Let me talk to him. Is he free?

1912
01:31:29,901 --> 01:31:31,401
He will be.

1913
01:31:31,736 --> 01:31:33,737
Here we go! Oh, slam dunk!

1914
01:31:33,905 --> 01:31:35,238
Michael.

1915
01:31:36,616 --> 01:31:37,741
Can I talk to you for a minute?

1916
01:31:39,076 --> 01:31:40,368
What?

1917
01:31:40,536 --> 01:31:41,536
You'll see.

1918
01:31:41,621 --> 01:31:42,787
Duke, get in the house.

1919
01:31:43,080 --> 01:31:44,915
Baby, did you see that boy's skills?

1920
01:31:45,082 --> 01:31:46,208
If I keep on...

1921
01:31:46,375 --> 01:31:47,542
What's wrong, baby? What's up?

1922
01:31:48,461 --> 01:31:50,295
Your work just called.

1923
01:31:50,463 --> 01:31:53,215
And I thought it might be an emergency,
so I picked up.

1924
01:31:53,841 --> 01:31:54,925
But it was just your mom.

1925
01:31:55,218 --> 01:31:58,303
Really? You know,
the T-Mobile Top Five be acting up...

1926
01:31:58,471 --> 01:31:59,804
Don't bullshit me, Michael.

1927
01:31:59,972 --> 01:32:01,932
Baby, listen, I know how that looks,
but trust me, this isn't...

1928
01:32:02,308 --> 01:32:04,142
Trust? I believed you.

1929
01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:08,230
I can't compete with your mother.
And I won't.

1930
01:32:08,397 --> 01:32:09,564
You don't have to...

1931
01:32:09,732 --> 01:32:11,691
Then why did you look me
in my face and lie?

1932
01:32:15,154 --> 01:32:16,530
You need to go.

1933
01:32:17,406 --> 01:32:18,532
Baby, listen I...

1934
01:32:18,741 --> 01:32:20,200
Get out of my face, Michael.

1935
01:32:28,042 --> 01:32:30,961
And Candace wasn't the only one
who was all business that day.

1936
01:32:31,128 --> 01:32:32,337
Hey, beautiful.

1937
01:32:33,047 --> 01:32:34,965
- Hi.
- How are you?

1938
01:32:35,883 --> 01:32:38,593
- I have a 2 o'clock, so...
- You look stunning.

1939
01:32:38,844 --> 01:32:40,095
Thank you.

1940
01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:42,764
So, you said you had some news?

1941
01:32:42,932 --> 01:32:45,433
Yeah. My investor friend
that I told you about?

1942
01:32:46,060 --> 01:32:49,813
Read your prospectus, loves it,
and wants you to give him a call.

1943
01:32:50,273 --> 01:32:51,523
You serious?

1944
01:32:51,649 --> 01:32:53,400
I told you it was brilliant.

1945
01:32:53,901 --> 01:32:55,860
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

1946
01:32:57,113 --> 01:32:59,739
Okay, we gotta go celebrate.
Let's go out tonight.

1947
01:32:59,907 --> 01:33:01,658
I'm not free tonight.

1948
01:33:01,826 --> 01:33:04,494
Okay, well,
what about tomorrow night, then?

1949
01:33:04,745 --> 01:33:07,455
Dominic, I'm gonna hit you with
the headline, okay?

1950
01:33:07,623 --> 01:33:10,709
I recently reconnected with
an ex-boyfriend of mine from college.

1951
01:33:10,876 --> 01:33:14,462
Anyway, he just got a divorce
and is moving back to LA and I...

1952
01:33:15,381 --> 01:33:16,590
You breaking up with me?

1953
01:33:16,757 --> 01:33:19,968
No! No, I'm not breaking up,
just taking a break.

1954
01:33:20,136 --> 01:33:21,511
- I need some space.
- Space.

1955
01:33:21,679 --> 01:33:25,015
- Yeah, because we were moving too fast...
- Yeah, you sound like a guy.

1956
01:33:25,182 --> 01:33:26,224
What did you say?

1957
01:33:26,350 --> 01:33:28,018
I said you sound like a guy.

1958
01:33:28,519 --> 01:33:32,147
Is that why you invited me to this place?
For a business lunch?

1959
01:33:32,398 --> 01:33:33,565
So you can have an out-time?

1960
01:33:33,733 --> 01:33:35,150
Dominic, look, I really like you.

1961
01:33:35,443 --> 01:33:39,654
Okay? I didn't want to string you along.
Let's just be friends.

1962
01:33:39,822 --> 01:33:42,115
Yeah, I don't really need
any more friends, Lauren.

1963
01:33:42,366 --> 01:33:46,661
You know, and I really don't need
your friends to let me down easy.

1964
01:33:46,829 --> 01:33:49,956
Okay, don't be stupid, Dominic.
That's business, not personal.

1965
01:33:52,043 --> 01:33:53,627
Do you even know the difference?

1966
01:33:53,961 --> 01:33:55,003
You know, Lauren, I...

1967
01:33:56,088 --> 01:34:00,967
I never even had a prospectus, you know?
I did it all to impress you.

1968
01:34:02,303 --> 01:34:06,431
You inspired me, you motivated me
to do something for myself for the first time.

1969
01:34:07,850 --> 01:34:10,310
And all this time, I thought
you were too good for me.

1970
01:34:25,701 --> 01:34:27,952
Kris? Picked up some pizza.

1971
01:35:01,445 --> 01:35:05,740
What I don't get is just like the book,
I was the guy with potential.

1972
01:35:05,908 --> 01:35:09,035
I told her the truth, I put myself out there,
and it still wasn't enough.

1973
01:35:09,203 --> 01:35:11,329
At least you didn't get caught in a flat-out lie.

1974
01:35:11,497 --> 01:35:13,790
Y'all should see how bad things are
with Candace right now.

1975
01:35:13,958 --> 01:35:17,210
Kristen wouldn't even look at me
when I showed up at Gina's.

1976
01:35:17,628 --> 01:35:18,837
She'll change her mind.

1977
01:35:19,004 --> 01:35:22,298
Nah. You did not see
the way she looked at me. Such...

1978
01:35:22,466 --> 01:35:23,717
- Hate?
- Hurt.

1979
01:35:23,884 --> 01:35:26,636
It's hate. Women will hate you fast.

1980
01:35:26,804 --> 01:35:29,597
Either way, fellas.
I think we brought this upon ourselves.

1981
01:35:29,765 --> 01:35:33,727
It was self-defense. They attacked first!
We had to strike back.

1982
01:35:33,894 --> 01:35:36,396
We were just protecting our
natural-born right to be men. Am I right?

1983
01:35:36,897 --> 01:35:37,939
- Right.
- Right.

1984
01:35:38,107 --> 01:35:39,774
Love us or leave us, right?

1985
01:35:40,276 --> 01:35:41,359
Right!

1986
01:35:41,444 --> 01:35:43,194
And they left us.

1987
01:35:44,488 --> 01:35:45,613
Right.

1988
01:36:28,199 --> 01:36:29,324
We're back.

1989
01:36:29,492 --> 01:36:30,992
Take all the time you need.

1990
01:36:31,160 --> 01:36:32,327
Thanks.

1991
01:36:38,876 --> 01:36:40,543
Zeke, check it out.

1992
01:36:41,170 --> 01:36:43,463
Your right. My left.

1993
01:36:49,345 --> 01:36:50,678
Not my type.

1994
01:36:50,846 --> 01:36:55,266
That's how we do it, Zeke.
I line them up, you mow them down.

1995
01:36:56,101 --> 01:36:57,477
Can I have my tab?

1996
01:37:15,788 --> 01:37:18,498
- You can only get it once a year.
- What kind of meat is in the McRib?

1997
01:37:18,666 --> 01:37:19,958
- Fellas.
- Let me guess,

1998
01:37:20,042 --> 01:37:21,334
school pictures?

1999
01:37:21,502 --> 01:37:22,752
You look like a substitute teacher.

2000
01:37:24,171 --> 01:37:28,591
I finally sent my résumé over to Neversoft.
I had my meeting today.

2001
01:37:28,759 --> 01:37:31,761
And they just called. I got the job.

2002
01:37:32,096 --> 01:37:34,222
- Is that right?
- Congratulations, man!

2003
01:37:34,306 --> 01:37:37,475
I'm a senior designer at Neversoft.
With full benefits.

2004
01:37:37,560 --> 01:37:38,893
Damn right, and the next step
is the expense card.

2005
01:37:38,978 --> 01:37:40,061
I gotta call Kris.

2006
01:37:42,356 --> 01:37:44,148
She not talking to you, huh?

2007
01:37:44,441 --> 01:37:46,025
- No.
- Well, you should call her anyway.

2008
01:37:46,944 --> 01:37:48,444
She's the reason it happened, right?

2009
01:37:49,488 --> 01:37:50,572
Yeah.

2010
01:37:50,656 --> 01:37:52,615
That's good advice, right there.
How's that project going along?

2011
01:37:52,700 --> 01:37:54,409
It's going great. In fact,

2012
01:37:54,493 --> 01:37:57,328
I'm gonna have to get out of here soon
and go get some work done.

2013
01:37:57,413 --> 01:37:59,747
You know what we should do?
We should celebrate, right?

2014
01:37:59,915 --> 01:38:02,208
- Nice. Yes.
- Newjob, first round's on Michael.

2015
01:38:02,376 --> 01:38:04,752
- Yes. I like that.
- No, no. I just had the last round...

2016
01:38:04,920 --> 01:38:05,962
This is nice, just the fellas.

2017
01:38:06,046 --> 01:38:07,630
Just like old times.

2018
01:38:07,798 --> 01:38:10,550
No, it's not like old times
because I don't have a curfew this time.

2019
01:38:10,718 --> 01:38:13,887
Speaking of curfew, I gotta go.
My night to cook.

2020
01:38:14,054 --> 01:38:15,305
Bennett, you sound like a bitch.

2021
01:38:15,472 --> 01:38:17,891
We just got finished hearing good news,
we with the fellas, we drinking.

2022
01:38:17,975 --> 01:38:20,852
He running home all henpecked.
Come on, man!

2023
01:38:21,020 --> 01:38:23,855
I'm not cooking 'cause I have to,
I'm cooking 'cause I want to, that's my wife.

2024
01:38:23,939 --> 01:38:25,148
Come on, now, Bennett.

2025
01:38:25,232 --> 01:38:27,275
I'm not saying it like that,
I'm saying just, right now...

2026
01:38:27,359 --> 01:38:28,776
Don't be mad at me
'cause I got a wife at the house.

2027
01:38:28,861 --> 01:38:31,362
That means sometimes
I can't hang out all night with you guys,

2028
01:38:31,447 --> 01:38:33,698
I gotta go home early
then that's what I gotta do.

2029
01:38:34,491 --> 01:38:35,617
I'm just saying.

2030
01:38:35,868 --> 01:38:37,410
I got this round.

2031
01:38:38,203 --> 01:38:40,371
- I'm happy for you, congratulations.
- Thank you.

2032
01:38:40,539 --> 01:38:41,873
- I'll see you guys.
- Big B!

2033
01:38:42,041 --> 01:38:43,666
You're $20 short, Bennett.

2034
01:38:43,834 --> 01:38:47,921
Yeah, no, I used to cook for Gail
on Thursdays. That was my day.

2035
01:38:48,088 --> 01:38:50,006
I'm happy we're free. I really am.

2036
01:38:50,174 --> 01:38:52,050
I'm telling you right now,
we're better off without them.

2037
01:38:52,217 --> 01:38:53,635
Yeah, I mean, who needs
to put up with their shit?

2038
01:38:53,802 --> 01:38:55,511
And their demands, the nagging...

2039
01:38:55,679 --> 01:38:59,641
The expectations.
Expectation is the catalyst for all of that.

2040
01:38:59,808 --> 01:39:00,850
- Here we go.
- You know what's funny?

2041
01:39:01,018 --> 01:39:04,771
Gail used to love it when
I cooked Bolognese sauce from scratch.

2042
01:39:04,939 --> 01:39:06,105
Like, that was her favorite, so...

2043
01:39:06,273 --> 01:39:09,359
All right, boys, we are free
to do whatever we want,

2044
01:39:09,526 --> 01:39:13,321
with whoever we want,
whenever we want, all right? To freedom!

2045
01:39:13,489 --> 01:39:14,530
Freedom!

2046
01:39:21,997 --> 01:39:24,207
Ced, lift your glass, man, get involved.

2047
01:39:24,375 --> 01:39:26,417
- Right, I'm sorry. No, no, no.
- Take that shot, baby.

2048
01:39:26,585 --> 01:39:27,877
To freedom.

2049
01:39:28,963 --> 01:39:30,088
Bottoms up.

2050
01:39:31,882 --> 01:39:33,216
Don't need them.

2051
01:39:34,385 --> 01:39:35,635
I gotta piss.

2052
01:39:35,803 --> 01:39:36,928
I'll be right back.

2053
01:39:37,096 --> 01:39:39,389
Look like you gotta take a dump,
the way you moving.

2054
01:39:47,439 --> 01:39:48,523
What?

2055
01:39:48,691 --> 01:39:50,483
Gail, ain't nobody calling to fight
with you right now.

2056
01:39:50,651 --> 01:39:52,735
- What the hell do...
- Look! I'm coming home.

2057
01:39:52,903 --> 01:39:54,404
Really, Cedric?

2058
01:39:54,571 --> 01:39:56,990
Gail, let me tell you something.
That's my house, too, Gail!

2059
01:39:57,157 --> 01:40:00,994
I pay the bills in that house!
It's my house, too. I'm coming home.

2060
01:40:01,161 --> 01:40:03,913
Which is where I belong, girl.

2061
01:40:04,540 --> 01:40:08,042
Gail, I'm tired of this tough shit.
I miss you, Gail.

2062
01:40:08,711 --> 01:40:10,044
Gail, I ain't been the same, man.

2063
01:40:10,212 --> 01:40:13,923
I'm out here,
I'm out here on these streets and shit.

2064
01:40:14,091 --> 01:40:15,508
I'm out here in the strip clubs.

2065
01:40:15,676 --> 01:40:19,721
These girls calling me by my first name,
like, I'm there every day!

2066
01:40:19,888 --> 01:40:22,640
Which I am, but that's
because I'm going through something, Gail.

2067
01:40:22,808 --> 01:40:27,020
I need to be held. I need you to rub my back.
Put me in my onesie.

2068
01:40:27,187 --> 01:40:28,730
I changed, I need my woman back!

2069
01:40:28,897 --> 01:40:30,940
I'm around all these men and shit!

2070
01:40:31,108 --> 01:40:35,278
I don't want it. I don't want that life no more,
I want you and Jesus.

2071
01:40:35,362 --> 01:40:36,487
And that's it.

2072
01:40:36,739 --> 01:40:38,114
Okay, Big Daddy.

2073
01:40:38,282 --> 01:40:39,532
What you say?

2074
01:40:39,700 --> 01:40:41,117
How soon can you get here?

2075
01:40:47,041 --> 01:40:49,459
Like... Like 20, 22, 23 minutes.

2076
01:40:49,626 --> 01:40:51,961
Bring your sexy ass home. I'll be waiting.

2077
01:40:52,129 --> 01:40:55,131
You want me to bring you something?
You want like, some Doritos, or something?

2078
01:40:55,299 --> 01:40:57,842
'Cause I can stop and get it, baby.
Whatever makes you happy.

2079
01:40:58,010 --> 01:40:59,761
- Just come home.
- Okay.

2080
01:41:00,012 --> 01:41:01,721
All right, I love you.

2081
01:41:03,849 --> 01:41:05,391
Oh, shit.

2082
01:41:05,934 --> 01:41:07,060
Thank you.

2083
01:41:10,564 --> 01:41:11,689
Yup.

2084
01:41:21,366 --> 01:41:23,951
Good shit, brother. Go home to Gail.

2085
01:41:30,417 --> 01:41:32,460
Just wipe shit on my back?

2086
01:41:34,963 --> 01:41:37,131
You didn't even wash your hands, man?

2087
01:41:38,425 --> 01:41:41,177
Who the hell shits with a hat on, anyway?

2088
01:41:41,345 --> 01:41:44,764
- She said she was coming from Shanghai.
- I remember her.

2089
01:41:44,848 --> 01:41:46,557
Fellas, I will see you later.

2090
01:41:46,725 --> 01:41:49,560
Let's all cash out, we'll go together.
You going to the Ass Factory, right?

2091
01:41:49,728 --> 01:41:51,729
Gail is taking me back, I'm going home.

2092
01:41:53,065 --> 01:41:54,107
Home!

2093
01:41:54,233 --> 01:41:56,317
Girl, I am married. Please!

2094
01:41:56,693 --> 01:41:58,402
Thank you. Married man!

2095
01:41:58,570 --> 01:42:01,531
That night, we all realized that the plots,

2096
01:42:01,698 --> 01:42:05,993
plans and schemes couldn't compare
to one simple thing, the truth.

2097
01:42:13,794 --> 01:42:14,836
Mama!

2098
01:42:14,962 --> 01:42:16,337
Oh, what the hell?

2099
01:42:16,505 --> 01:42:17,839
Hey, baby.

2100
01:42:18,006 --> 01:42:20,716
Oh, flowers, breakfast. Yeah.

2101
01:42:21,176 --> 01:42:22,552
You're a little early, sweetie.

2102
01:42:22,719 --> 01:42:26,097
I know, but I wanted to come by
so I could tell you that

2103
01:42:26,265 --> 01:42:28,558
I'm not gonna be able to make it
to the anniversary today, Mom.

2104
01:42:28,725 --> 01:42:30,059
There's some place I gotta be.

2105
01:42:30,227 --> 01:42:33,146
Well, it's our 75th at the church.

2106
01:42:33,730 --> 01:42:35,982
What's wrong, sweetie? Where you gotta be?

2107
01:42:36,150 --> 01:42:38,776
With Candace. At her family reunion, Mom.

2108
01:42:45,242 --> 01:42:46,409
Well, good for you.

2109
01:42:48,662 --> 01:42:49,704
Okay, sweetie.

2110
01:42:49,872 --> 01:42:50,872
- Really?
- All right.

2111
01:42:51,039 --> 01:42:53,207
Now, I'm gonna see you tomorrow, okay?
Time for you to go.

2112
01:42:53,375 --> 01:42:56,335
Loretta, it's my turn to spank you.

2113
01:42:57,087 --> 01:42:58,421
Deacon Johnson?

2114
01:42:58,589 --> 01:43:00,590
- You got the keys for these?
- Put those down, fool!

2115
01:43:00,757 --> 01:43:02,258
How long has this been going on?

2116
01:43:02,426 --> 01:43:03,593
Ninety days.

2117
01:43:03,760 --> 01:43:06,470
More like 91.
I'm sorry I stretched your T-shirt.

2118
01:43:06,555 --> 01:43:07,889
How you doing, Michael?

2119
01:43:08,056 --> 01:43:11,350
- All right, fool, go on upstairs now.
- You know, these pills cost $19.

2120
01:43:11,518 --> 01:43:12,894
Mom, you got him with my loofah?

2121
01:43:13,061 --> 01:43:14,729
Baby, go on. Go ahead, go ahead.

2122
01:43:14,897 --> 01:43:16,647
Listen here, fool!

2123
01:43:16,815 --> 01:43:20,401
I done told you I'd bring that coffee upstairs,
you old, nasty fool.

2124
01:43:22,404 --> 01:43:24,030
Look who I found.

2125
01:43:24,781 --> 01:43:26,991
Okay, third time I hope is a charm.

2126
01:43:27,075 --> 01:43:28,201
Actually, I think it is.

2127
01:43:28,285 --> 01:43:30,077
- Go ahead, tell them.
- We want to make an offer.

2128
01:43:31,496 --> 01:43:33,789
- I told you this was gonna happen.
- No, you didn't, actually.

2129
01:43:34,208 --> 01:43:37,752
This is great news.
We sort of had an instinct about you guys.

2130
01:43:38,086 --> 01:43:39,170
Kris?

2131
01:43:39,254 --> 01:43:40,546
Jeremy, what are you doing here?

2132
01:43:40,714 --> 01:43:41,797
I need to talk to you.

2133
01:43:41,882 --> 01:43:43,925
Yeah, I can't. I'm in the middle of something.

2134
01:43:44,384 --> 01:43:45,551
This is important.

2135
01:43:46,345 --> 01:43:48,137
Not a problem. Take your time.

2136
01:43:48,305 --> 01:43:50,389
I'm gonna get the paperwork,
and we can get started.

2137
01:43:50,557 --> 01:43:51,849
I'm really sorry.

2138
01:43:53,810 --> 01:43:55,102
Did someone die?

2139
01:43:55,187 --> 01:43:56,229
What? No.

2140
01:43:56,480 --> 01:43:58,105
Well, you have a suit on, so I...

2141
01:43:58,273 --> 01:44:00,775
- I got the job at Neversoft, Kris.
- Really?

2142
01:44:00,943 --> 01:44:02,068
Yeah.

2143
01:44:02,277 --> 01:44:05,029
I mean, that's cool.
I hope you didn't do it for my benefit.

2144
01:44:06,490 --> 01:44:08,324
I did. At first.

2145
01:44:08,784 --> 01:44:12,453
But somehow, through all the pretending,

2146
01:44:13,288 --> 01:44:15,456
I figured out I wanted it for me.

2147
01:44:16,458 --> 01:44:19,293
And now that I have it, I want it for us.

2148
01:44:19,795 --> 01:44:22,213
You were the first person I wanted
to call when I got the news,

2149
01:44:22,381 --> 01:44:25,633
and the fact that I couldn't drove me crazy.

2150
01:44:26,635 --> 01:44:29,470
You're the last person I think about
before I go to sleep at night, Kris.

2151
01:44:29,680 --> 01:44:30,680
Look,

2152
01:44:31,723 --> 01:44:32,765
I miss you.

2153
01:44:32,891 --> 01:44:34,308
Oh, honey.

2154
01:44:34,476 --> 01:44:37,311
I miss you and I want you back.

2155
01:44:37,813 --> 01:44:39,146
So sweet.

2156
01:44:39,481 --> 01:44:40,815
I want to buy you a house.

2157
01:44:40,983 --> 01:44:42,316
That's my man, step up there.

2158
01:44:42,484 --> 01:44:43,859
I want to buy you this house.

2159
01:44:44,027 --> 01:44:46,153
Back up, bitch. You ain't buying my house.

2160
01:44:46,321 --> 01:44:47,321
Oh, it's fine.

2161
01:44:47,489 --> 01:44:48,864
How the hell he talking
about buying my house?

2162
01:44:48,991 --> 01:44:50,032
Breathe.

2163
01:44:50,117 --> 01:44:52,660
I'm breathing, I'm breathing. I got it, I got it.

2164
01:44:54,663 --> 01:44:55,871
Okay.

2165
01:45:07,926 --> 01:45:11,721
I want to be your wife.
And I want you to be my husband...

2166
01:45:16,435 --> 01:45:18,185
I want to be your husband.

2167
01:45:19,104 --> 01:45:21,105
And I want you to be my wife

2168
01:45:21,398 --> 01:45:22,982
so bad.

2169
01:45:23,400 --> 01:45:24,817
So...

2170
01:45:35,912 --> 01:45:37,163
Will you marry me?

2171
01:45:41,209 --> 01:45:42,251
It's a yes.

2172
01:45:43,295 --> 01:45:45,296
- Oh, she did it.
- Go ahead, my man.

2173
01:45:45,464 --> 01:45:47,798
- She did it 'cause she changed the game.
- She did what?

2174
01:45:47,966 --> 01:45:49,091
Don't worry about it.

2175
01:45:58,518 --> 01:46:00,519
Even Zeke was singing a new tune.

2176
01:46:00,687 --> 01:46:02,938
That last one was Bitch Betta
Have My Money byAMG.

2177
01:46:03,023 --> 01:46:04,690
I don't really feel like
being out of the house right now.

2178
01:46:04,775 --> 01:46:09,737
Come on. You know the best way
to get over an old guy is to get a new one.

2179
01:46:09,946 --> 01:46:12,073
- You're coming.
- ...make sure you show him some love.

2180
01:46:12,157 --> 01:46:13,616
Zeke, come on up.

2181
01:46:15,118 --> 01:46:16,160
Hey, thank you.

2182
01:46:16,244 --> 01:46:17,286
Oh, my God.

2183
01:46:17,371 --> 01:46:18,788
I haven't really played this song in years...

2184
01:46:18,955 --> 01:46:20,122
Is that...

2185
01:46:20,248 --> 01:46:23,959
...but it was inspired by
a very special woman who

2186
01:46:25,670 --> 01:46:27,421
is definitely worth waiting for.

2187
01:46:30,008 --> 01:46:33,844
Last night I had a dream about a dream

2188
01:46:33,929 --> 01:46:36,764
About you

2189
01:46:40,519 --> 01:46:42,228
- I gotta get out of here.
- Mya!

2190
01:46:43,105 --> 01:46:44,438
Mya!

2191
01:46:46,942 --> 01:46:49,777
Mya, will you hold up? Mya?

2192
01:46:49,945 --> 01:46:53,322
You think you can just sing one song
and everything's gonna be forgotten?

2193
01:46:53,490 --> 01:46:55,533
No! I was just hoping it would be a start.

2194
01:46:55,951 --> 01:46:58,536
You know what? You know,
you can't change a person's nature, Zeke.

2195
01:46:58,703 --> 01:47:00,371
That is not true.
I know for a fact that that's not true.

2196
01:47:00,455 --> 01:47:01,872
- How?
- Because I want to start over.

2197
01:47:03,250 --> 01:47:04,834
I want 90 more days.

2198
01:47:06,420 --> 01:47:07,545
Without sex?

2199
01:47:07,712 --> 01:47:09,630
If that's what it takes.

2200
01:47:09,923 --> 01:47:12,091
I don't want the sex, Mya. I want you.

2201
01:47:12,384 --> 01:47:13,884
That's bullshit.

2202
01:47:15,971 --> 01:47:18,055
Okay, that's bullshit. Yes!
Of course I want the sex.

2203
01:47:18,223 --> 01:47:21,600
But the difference is the sex
is all I wanted before I met you. Now,

2204
01:47:22,227 --> 01:47:23,352
I want you.

2205
01:47:24,354 --> 01:47:25,354
Okay?

2206
01:47:25,897 --> 01:47:28,357
Now? I want coffee.

2207
01:47:29,818 --> 01:47:33,446
I want to stay up all night
talking about your crazy childhood. I want...

2208
01:47:34,990 --> 01:47:39,034
I don't know.
I want to talk about Aristotle's Caves.

2209
01:47:42,789 --> 01:47:44,331
It's Plato's.

2210
01:47:44,499 --> 01:47:45,875
Plato got caves, too?

2211
01:47:46,585 --> 01:47:47,835
Yeah.

2212
01:47:48,253 --> 01:47:49,753
Mya, I love you.

2213
01:47:51,756 --> 01:47:54,341
I'm in love with you.

2214
01:47:56,595 --> 01:47:59,263
I've never said that to anyone in my life.

2215
01:48:02,517 --> 01:48:04,643
Then why didn't you just say so?

2216
01:48:19,075 --> 01:48:21,619
Turns out that my epiphany
had a domino effect.

2217
01:48:22,037 --> 01:48:26,165
Everyone was actually stepping up
with their women. For real this time.

2218
01:48:26,583 --> 01:48:28,876
I didn't get any of this.

2219
01:48:30,212 --> 01:48:33,339
Candace? Your mother tells me
that you're still single.

2220
01:48:33,507 --> 01:48:36,008
Don't worry about it,
because I think I have a solution.

2221
01:48:36,176 --> 01:48:39,929
I have somebody I think would be perfect
for you at my office. Her name is Amy.

2222
01:48:40,096 --> 01:48:42,389
Her? She's not in that chapter.

2223
01:48:42,557 --> 01:48:43,933
Well, she might want
to read the book, honey.

2224
01:48:44,100 --> 01:48:45,434
Mom! Mom!

2225
01:48:46,686 --> 01:48:48,437
Thanks, Duke. I got this.

2226
01:48:49,314 --> 01:48:51,232
- Hi, ladies.
- Look at that face!

2227
01:48:52,317 --> 01:48:53,943
Nice to see you all.

2228
01:48:54,528 --> 01:48:56,654
What are you doing here?
Isn't today your mom's church thing?

2229
01:48:56,821 --> 01:48:57,988
Yeah, it is.

2230
01:48:58,156 --> 01:48:59,365
So, what? Did it get canceled?

2231
01:48:59,533 --> 01:49:01,742
It did not. What's up with
all these damn questions, woman?

2232
01:49:01,910 --> 01:49:03,786
I just thought you needed to be there.

2233
01:49:03,954 --> 01:49:07,122
Why would I be there when I should be here,

2234
01:49:07,290 --> 01:49:09,083
with the number one woman in my life?

2235
01:49:09,251 --> 01:49:10,709
So, since you're thinking so much,

2236
01:49:10,877 --> 01:49:12,670
why don't you think about
putting a burger on that plate

2237
01:49:12,754 --> 01:49:13,796
with some pickles and some mustard?

2238
01:49:14,172 --> 01:49:15,548
I'm sorry,

2239
01:49:17,300 --> 01:49:20,219
did you just say "number one"?

2240
01:49:20,595 --> 01:49:23,097
Oh, so you're not believing?
Hold on one second.

2241
01:49:23,265 --> 01:49:25,599
Ladies and gentlemen? Excuse me?

2242
01:49:25,767 --> 01:49:29,395
Hi, I need everybody's attention, please?
Hey, everybody... Yeah.

2243
01:49:29,563 --> 01:49:30,729
Thank you.

2244
01:49:30,897 --> 01:49:34,650
My name is Michael Hanover,
and I want you all to know

2245
01:49:34,818 --> 01:49:39,738
I am madly, and I am insanely in love
with Candace Hall.

2246
01:49:41,616 --> 01:49:44,618
And I just want everybody
in the world to know

2247
01:49:44,953 --> 01:49:47,496
that she's the number one woman in my life.

2248
01:49:47,914 --> 01:49:49,790
Thanks, everybody.

2249
01:49:49,958 --> 01:49:51,667
Now back to the reunion!

2250
01:50:00,010 --> 01:50:01,343
Is that okay with you?

2251
01:50:02,929 --> 01:50:04,847
What do you want on your damn burger?

2252
01:50:05,473 --> 01:50:08,392
I don't give a damn, girl.
I came for you. Come here.

2253
01:50:15,233 --> 01:50:17,901
And so, the book ended happily for all of us.

2254
01:50:18,361 --> 01:50:20,946
Well, almost all of us.

2255
01:50:21,114 --> 01:50:22,990
Hey, girl. Haven't seen you in a while.

2256
01:50:23,158 --> 01:50:25,743
I know. I'm sorry, I've been swamped.

2257
01:50:25,827 --> 01:50:26,827
So what are you up to later today?

2258
01:50:27,037 --> 01:50:30,039
Actually, I have a date with James, finally.

2259
01:50:30,206 --> 01:50:34,293
Between his CEO and my COO,
it seems we never see each other.

2260
01:50:34,377 --> 01:50:35,461
What else is new?

2261
01:50:35,545 --> 01:50:37,504
Anyway. You got any plans for later?

2262
01:50:37,589 --> 01:50:40,799
Actually, the three of us are going
to Dominic's grand opening.

2263
01:50:44,012 --> 01:50:46,263
He found a backer for his restaurant?

2264
01:50:46,431 --> 01:50:49,016
No. He got a personal loan for a food truck.
It's called...

2265
01:50:49,184 --> 01:50:50,392
Avenue D.

2266
01:50:50,560 --> 01:50:53,896
It's in Pueblo Plaza.
He wants to start small, build his way up.

2267
01:50:54,064 --> 01:50:55,856
Good for him, you know?

2268
01:50:57,359 --> 01:50:58,692
Anyway, have fun tonight.

2269
01:50:58,860 --> 01:51:00,110
Oh, we will.

2270
01:51:03,281 --> 01:51:04,448
Thank you.

2271
01:51:04,908 --> 01:51:06,325
So, James, how was your day?

2272
01:51:06,493 --> 01:51:09,036
It was good. Actually, it was... It was great.

2273
01:51:09,120 --> 01:51:11,747
Did I mention to you that The Wall Street
Journal is doing a feature on me?

2274
01:51:11,831 --> 01:51:14,667
- Yes, the...
- "Wonderkid." Yeah, I know.

2275
01:51:14,834 --> 01:51:15,918
"The Wonderkid."

2276
01:51:16,086 --> 01:51:17,544
I know I'm not exactly a kid,

2277
01:51:17,629 --> 01:51:20,255
but I am the youngest CEO
of a Fortune 500 company.

2278
01:51:20,423 --> 01:51:21,548
Yes, we talked...

2279
01:51:21,633 --> 01:51:23,592
Now I'm focusing my sights on the Far East.

2280
01:51:23,677 --> 01:51:26,303
I was talking to Warren the other day.
You know Warren Buffett?

2281
01:51:26,471 --> 01:51:27,721
Dub-Beezy, that's my man.

2282
01:51:28,181 --> 01:51:30,516
He was telling me about diversification.

2283
01:51:31,935 --> 01:51:36,730
So, I bought a G6. Okay, all right.
The company bought a G6.

2284
01:51:36,898 --> 01:51:38,565
New York to Los Angeles
costs about $60,000.

2285
01:51:38,650 --> 01:51:39,942
They put that down every time I go.

2286
01:51:40,110 --> 01:51:41,527
Also talked to my man, Kobe, the other day.

2287
01:51:41,611 --> 01:51:43,612
He was trying to get me
to buy an NBA franchise.

2288
01:51:44,072 --> 01:51:46,281
I'm fine, James.

2289
01:51:47,826 --> 01:51:49,076
Thanks for asking.

2290
01:51:51,621 --> 01:51:53,163
I'm sorry, I don't understand.

2291
01:51:53,331 --> 01:51:54,790
I know.

2292
01:51:56,876 --> 01:51:59,837
I know, but I finally do.

2293
01:52:09,264 --> 01:52:11,181
All right, all right, all right.

2294
01:52:14,436 --> 01:52:15,519
All right, a little something.

2295
01:52:15,603 --> 01:52:17,813
Just a little sample for the ladies.
Fellas, I'll get you back later.

2296
01:52:17,897 --> 01:52:19,022
Come on, Dom!

2297
01:52:19,107 --> 01:52:21,775
Give that to the wife.
To your lady, okay, good, there you go.

2298
01:52:22,110 --> 01:52:24,611
All right, one more?
There you go, there you go, J.

2299
01:52:24,696 --> 01:52:26,029
I'll be right back. Thanks for coming.

2300
01:52:26,114 --> 01:52:27,364
- I'll be right back.
- This is amazing.

2301
01:52:29,909 --> 01:52:31,118
Next!

2302
01:52:32,036 --> 01:52:33,245
I'll take the Chef's Special.

2303
01:52:33,413 --> 01:52:34,747
Is that with chicken or...

2304
01:52:34,914 --> 01:52:37,791
- Hey, back of the line.
- Look, this is personal, not business.

2305
01:52:37,959 --> 01:52:39,418
Move your arm!

2306
01:52:41,129 --> 01:52:42,379
Congratulations.

2307
01:52:42,547 --> 01:52:43,839
Looks like a huge success.

2308
01:52:44,924 --> 01:52:46,800
I wasn't expecting you.

2309
01:52:46,968 --> 01:52:48,677
I couldn't miss your grand opening.

2310
01:52:49,053 --> 01:52:50,179
Live bass ceviche?

2311
01:52:50,305 --> 01:52:52,014
Sal, those two lasagnas are to-go.

2312
01:52:52,515 --> 01:52:53,807
You got it.

2313
01:52:54,934 --> 01:52:56,143
So, where's your CEO?

2314
01:52:56,770 --> 01:52:58,061
I ended that.

2315
01:52:58,480 --> 01:52:59,646
Dominic!

2316
01:52:59,773 --> 01:53:03,275
He may have all the money in the world,
and all the power,

2317
01:53:03,443 --> 01:53:05,486
- but he doesn't have half your potential.
- Stop!

2318
01:53:05,653 --> 01:53:07,112
Stop.

2319
01:53:07,572 --> 01:53:10,240
I don't need you to do that for me anymore.
I'm doing me, now.

2320
01:53:10,408 --> 01:53:11,617
All right?

2321
01:53:12,285 --> 01:53:14,661
Thanks for coming,
but I got a business to run.

2322
01:53:14,746 --> 01:53:16,747
I'm sure you can respect that, right?

2323
01:53:17,916 --> 01:53:19,666
- But I was...
- Next!

2324
01:53:25,048 --> 01:53:27,591
What's good here, man?
Do you have a low-fat Pork Special?

2325
01:53:28,092 --> 01:53:29,635
- Sure.
- Let's roll with it.

2326
01:53:30,470 --> 01:53:32,179
Dominic?

2327
01:53:33,181 --> 01:53:35,182
Excuse me. What are you doing?

2328
01:53:35,433 --> 01:53:37,184
I want you back, Dominic.

2329
01:53:40,313 --> 01:53:43,023
- Guys, just give me a minute, please. I know.
- We gotta finish this up.

2330
01:53:43,191 --> 01:53:44,566
I'm sorry.

2331
01:53:46,528 --> 01:53:48,654
- What are you doing?
- I want you back.

2332
01:53:48,822 --> 01:53:51,448
Yeah, listen, I'm not an acquisition.
You can't just decide...

2333
01:53:51,616 --> 01:53:54,243
- I'm asking.
- Oh, yeah? And I'm asking for some service.

2334
01:53:54,410 --> 01:53:57,162
You'll get your pork sausage, Porky! Beat it!

2335
01:54:01,167 --> 01:54:03,794
Lauren, listen, we're just too different, okay?

2336
01:54:03,962 --> 01:54:07,464
Yes, we are different.
But I think that's a good thing.

2337
01:54:07,632 --> 01:54:10,092
What you need is status. You need titles.

2338
01:54:10,176 --> 01:54:12,219
- I don't care about...
- No, I don't.

2339
01:54:12,303 --> 01:54:16,515
What I need is a man who makes me feel
like I'm special.

2340
01:54:16,766 --> 01:54:18,600
I don't care about his title,

2341
01:54:18,685 --> 01:54:20,435
and I don't care how much money you make,

2342
01:54:20,603 --> 01:54:23,772
I don't care what kind of car you drive.
I just need you.

2343
01:54:23,940 --> 01:54:26,608
Please? I'm sorry.

2344
01:54:30,280 --> 01:54:32,489
I think ultimately we want different things.

2345
01:54:32,657 --> 01:54:33,866
No.

2346
01:54:34,617 --> 01:54:35,951
I disagree.

2347
01:54:37,954 --> 01:54:40,664
I think we want the exact same thing.

2348
01:54:42,041 --> 01:54:43,500
What's that?

2349
01:54:44,586 --> 01:54:45,919
Well, first,

2350
01:54:47,297 --> 01:54:50,132
I would like to have my Chef's Special,
hold the pork.

2351
01:55:09,444 --> 01:55:12,029
Go, Dom! All right, come on, man,
that's enough kissing.

2352
01:55:12,113 --> 01:55:13,238
Grab her ass or something.

2353
01:55:13,323 --> 01:55:14,364
That's my girl!

2354
01:55:14,449 --> 01:55:17,117
Show me something, God!
Give me something to think about tonight.

2355
01:55:17,243 --> 01:55:18,577
You know I haven't had much sex.

2356
01:55:18,661 --> 01:55:20,245
Me and Gail ain't really doing it
like we used to.

2357
01:55:20,413 --> 01:55:21,747
Really, Cedric?

2358
01:55:21,915 --> 01:55:24,791
- Come on, now.
- Get your little ass over here, now!

2359
01:55:24,959 --> 01:55:26,168
Hey, Gail, I was talking...

2360
01:55:26,336 --> 01:55:28,503
Pull your pants up, Cedric!

2361
01:55:34,135 --> 01:55:35,928
I'll get the guy in the purple.

2362
01:55:36,095 --> 01:55:38,013
- Hi, I'm Bennett.
- Use our ball?

2363
01:55:40,058 --> 01:55:43,268
I'll see you on the court! Save it...
Save it for the game, though!

2364
01:55:43,436 --> 01:55:45,270
Listen, little man. Where's your twin?

2365
01:55:45,355 --> 01:55:46,605
You're gonna need somebody
on your shoulders.

2366
01:55:46,689 --> 01:55:48,357
That's funny. That's real funny.

2367
01:55:48,441 --> 01:55:50,108
Let's see if it's funny
when my balls are on your back!

2368
01:55:52,153 --> 01:55:53,820
- Ball's in play. Let's go.
- Oh, shit.

2369
01:56:00,662 --> 01:56:02,079
Pass the ball, man!

2370
01:56:11,214 --> 01:56:12,547
You gonna play some defense?

2371
01:56:13,841 --> 01:56:15,175
Wait, wait, wait!

2372
01:56:15,718 --> 01:56:16,843
Pass!

2373
01:56:20,598 --> 01:56:22,182
Just shoot the ball.

2374
01:56:23,893 --> 01:56:26,228
You better get that out of here, little man.
You all right?

2375
01:56:26,980 --> 01:56:28,814
Hey, no making fun.

2376
01:56:33,111 --> 01:56:34,361
Good shot.

2377
01:56:34,612 --> 01:56:36,405
- Good shot?
- It was!

2378
01:56:36,572 --> 01:56:39,199
- Bennett, be a man and push him!
- It was a good shot.

2379
01:56:53,923 --> 01:56:55,257
Pick on someone your own size, man.

2380
01:56:57,427 --> 01:56:58,719
Oh, my knee!

2381
01:57:08,271 --> 01:57:09,813
Man, you better calm down.

2382
01:57:09,981 --> 01:57:11,898
He put his balls on my head.

2383
01:57:17,488 --> 01:57:18,989
Where's my help on defense?

2384
01:57:22,827 --> 01:57:23,952
Get out of here!

2385
01:57:26,164 --> 01:57:27,372
Bennett! Jeremy!

2386
01:57:27,457 --> 01:57:30,208
I'm trying to get my ball back!
Can I have the ball, please?

2387
01:57:30,293 --> 01:57:32,210
Just let them keep it. Let them keep it.

2388
01:57:33,421 --> 01:57:35,005
- Thanks, you guys!
- Go get that.

2389
01:57:35,173 --> 01:57:37,174
Hey, we play here every Thursday.

2390
01:57:37,341 --> 01:57:39,009
That wasn't that bad.

2391
01:57:39,177 --> 01:57:40,552
Think about it.

2392
01:57:41,512 --> 01:57:45,265
Well, I think it was a good time.
It's all about the exercise, guys.