1 00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,905 Think of it, Thing. 2 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,534 For 25 years, 3 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,579 we've attempted to contact Fester in the great beyond, 4 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,416 and for 25 years, 5 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:10,959 nothing. 6 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:15,882 I'm beginning to think my brother truly is lost. 7 00:04:26,226 --> 00:04:29,145 Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing. 8 00:04:32,274 --> 00:04:33,482 Help me. 9 00:04:46,289 --> 00:04:47,748 Look at her. 10 00:04:48,625 --> 00:04:50,791 I would die for her. 11 00:04:51,794 --> 00:04:53,587 I would kill for her. 12 00:04:55,089 --> 00:04:56,716 Either way, what bliss. 13 00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:06,601 - Unhappy, darling? - Oh, yes. 14 00:05:07,770 --> 00:05:09,395 Yes, completely. 15 00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:18,738 Gomez, 16 00:05:20,283 --> 00:05:21,575 the sun. 17 00:05:24,245 --> 00:05:27,747 Oh, Tish, that's French. 18 00:05:28,123 --> 00:05:29,166 Oui. 19 00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,504 Cara mia. 20 00:05:36,175 --> 00:05:38,884 En garde, monsieur Soleil. 21 00:05:41,514 --> 00:05:42,764 Gomez? 22 00:05:43,141 --> 00:05:44,181 Querida. 23 00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:47,561 Last night you were unhinged. 24 00:05:48,563 --> 00:05:51,398 You were like some desperate howling demon. 25 00:05:51,941 --> 00:05:53,651 You frightened me. 26 00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:57,237 Do it again. 27 00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:06,205 Thank you, Lurch. 28 00:06:43,746 --> 00:06:45,455 Damn you, Addams! 29 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,749 Sorry about the window, Judge. 30 00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:50,628 Keep the ball. I have a whole bucketful. 31 00:06:54,757 --> 00:06:56,425 You moron! 32 00:07:00,597 --> 00:07:02,514 It is a milestone, Tish. 33 00:07:02,682 --> 00:07:05,267 This very night, our 25th s�ance. 34 00:07:06,937 --> 00:07:10,358 All those years, gnawed by guilt, 35 00:07:11,232 --> 00:07:12,817 undone by woe, 36 00:07:13,611 --> 00:07:16,780 burning with uncertainty. 37 00:07:18,824 --> 00:07:21,034 Don't torture yourself, Gomez. 38 00:07:22,828 --> 00:07:24,330 That's my job. 39 00:07:25,874 --> 00:07:27,625 Oh, Tish. 40 00:07:28,793 --> 00:07:31,462 Imagine, darling, if Fester did come back. 41 00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:35,800 Half alive, barely human, a rotting shell. 42 00:07:36,469 --> 00:07:37,926 Don't tease. 43 00:07:51,025 --> 00:07:52,943 Stop it! I'm warning you. 44 00:07:58,992 --> 00:08:00,785 Look, darling. Tully is here. 45 00:08:02,538 --> 00:08:04,789 - Tully! - Romping with Gate. 46 00:08:07,126 --> 00:08:09,837 These are your last paying clients, may I remind you? 47 00:08:10,004 --> 00:08:12,380 - If it gives you pleasure. - Something has to. 48 00:08:12,548 --> 00:08:15,758 Like a decent coat, something dressy, for evening. 49 00:08:16,176 --> 00:08:17,886 Ask for a loan. Beg! 50 00:08:18,053 --> 00:08:20,055 No loans. I am not a bum. 51 00:08:20,348 --> 00:08:22,725 Don't say it. I'll get the money. 52 00:08:22,892 --> 00:08:24,184 I have a plan. 53 00:08:24,687 --> 00:08:26,353 This is all so humiliating. 54 00:08:26,521 --> 00:08:29,606 - Why did I marry you? - Because I said yes. 55 00:08:30,234 --> 00:08:33,903 I'm here to see Mrs. Addams about the charity auction. 56 00:08:36,490 --> 00:08:38,074 Stop! Let go! 57 00:09:02,392 --> 00:09:04,227 - Missed! - What's that? 58 00:09:11,235 --> 00:09:13,111 Dirty pool, old man. 59 00:09:13,780 --> 00:09:15,113 I like it. 60 00:09:26,959 --> 00:09:28,336 Had enough? 61 00:09:34,468 --> 00:09:36,010 Where's my pen? 62 00:09:36,971 --> 00:09:39,263 Never mind. I'll take yours. 63 00:09:46,606 --> 00:09:48,565 First, the old business. 64 00:09:50,109 --> 00:09:53,070 Charity auction, it's ridiculous! 65 00:09:54,614 --> 00:09:57,826 - Perhaps it's in here. - I don't think so. 66 00:10:04,083 --> 00:10:06,626 "Uncle Niknak's winter wardrobe. " 67 00:10:12,508 --> 00:10:14,968 "Uncle Niknak's summer wardrobe. " 68 00:10:18,265 --> 00:10:19,807 "Uncle Niknak. " 69 00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:25,771 "The Fester Addams Offshore Retirement Fund?" 70 00:10:26,272 --> 00:10:28,941 - What would it do? - What wouldn't it do? 71 00:10:29,109 --> 00:10:31,986 Fester, all tribute to thee. 72 00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:34,781 - Some called him inhumanly evil. - No! 73 00:10:34,949 --> 00:10:37,950 Only our parents. I called him brother. 74 00:10:38,118 --> 00:10:41,788 And his memory must live on forever through money. 75 00:10:42,164 --> 00:10:45,458 I'm gonna deposit the funds under my name for tax purposes. 76 00:10:45,626 --> 00:10:46,835 That's inspired. 77 00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:50,297 He would've wanted it that way. Beloved Fester. 78 00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:53,592 Indeed! 79 00:10:55,178 --> 00:10:57,638 - For Fester! - For Fester! A brother! 80 00:10:57,806 --> 00:10:59,222 - My brother! - One of a kind! 81 00:10:59,390 --> 00:11:02,435 - The doctors all said... - Kind to animals, so good with children! 82 00:11:02,603 --> 00:11:05,438 - They never proved anything. - $1 million is the perfect amount. 83 00:11:05,606 --> 00:11:08,066 - It's brilliant. - It's untraceable! 84 00:11:10,944 --> 00:11:13,154 But, Tully, it's not old business. 85 00:11:13,322 --> 00:11:15,781 It's going to have to wait. You know the rules better than that. 86 00:11:15,949 --> 00:11:19,411 Why? But this is different. This is in my name. Make an exception! 87 00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:22,456 Old business is old business and new business is new business 88 00:11:22,623 --> 00:11:23,957 and this is new business 89 00:11:24,125 --> 00:11:27,002 and we do not discuss new business until 90 00:11:31,174 --> 00:11:32,674 next quarter. 91 00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:36,054 Next quarter? 92 00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:42,518 Fine lunge, but your riposte, a tad rusty. 93 00:11:46,858 --> 00:11:48,274 Make yourself comfortable, old man, 94 00:11:48,442 --> 00:11:51,528 while I get the money for the monthly expenses. 95 00:12:15,137 --> 00:12:18,641 There it is. Just what we've been searching for. 96 00:12:19,641 --> 00:12:21,267 Thank you, Thing. 97 00:12:23,521 --> 00:12:26,606 My God, what is it? 98 00:12:26,941 --> 00:12:29,568 A finger trap from the court of Emperor Wu. 99 00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:31,862 It must be worth a fortune. 100 00:12:32,614 --> 00:12:37,118 Oh, Morticia! This is too extravagant! 101 00:12:38,704 --> 00:12:40,079 Even for the auction. 102 00:12:40,790 --> 00:12:42,289 Let's keep it. 103 00:12:42,792 --> 00:12:47,211 Hush, Mama. It's for charity. Widows and orphans. 104 00:12:47,963 --> 00:12:49,797 We need more of them. 105 00:12:51,050 --> 00:12:52,300 Margaret? 106 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,722 About the s�ance tonight. 107 00:12:56,472 --> 00:13:00,392 I wish you'd come. It's Gomez, I'm terribly worried about him. 108 00:13:01,270 --> 00:13:03,770 He won't eat. He can't sleep. 109 00:13:04,772 --> 00:13:06,941 He keeps coughing up blood. 110 00:13:07,860 --> 00:13:09,610 He coughs up blood? 111 00:13:10,904 --> 00:13:12,990 Well, not like he used to. 112 00:13:16,702 --> 00:13:18,120 Down, kitty! 113 00:13:53,616 --> 00:13:56,160 There, the monthly expenses. 114 00:14:05,170 --> 00:14:06,671 Miss Bradbury. 115 00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,133 Miss Bradbury! 116 00:14:11,301 --> 00:14:15,764 - She's gone home, Mr. Alford. - Oh, Mrs. Craven! 117 00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:20,018 - I was just about to call you. - I'm certain you were. 118 00:14:20,186 --> 00:14:23,563 You haven't met my son Gordon, have you, Mr. Alford? 119 00:14:24,649 --> 00:14:25,816 Hello. 120 00:14:28,987 --> 00:14:32,907 Is this the one, Mother? That deadbeat you mentioned? 121 00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:35,910 No, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. 122 00:14:36,078 --> 00:14:39,288 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You have to listen to me. 123 00:14:39,456 --> 00:14:42,083 Do we, Mr. Alford? And why? 124 00:14:42,501 --> 00:14:44,293 Please, hear me out! 125 00:14:45,922 --> 00:14:47,338 Hear me out! 126 00:14:47,631 --> 00:14:49,675 Please. Please! 127 00:14:50,969 --> 00:14:52,218 Your call, Mother. 128 00:14:52,386 --> 00:14:55,681 Gordon and I enjoy a very special relationship. 129 00:14:55,849 --> 00:14:58,642 - She's a pip! - Refreshing, no? 130 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,769 - Down, Gordon. - Mother? 131 00:15:00,937 --> 00:15:02,521 - Gordon. - Gordon! 132 00:15:05,066 --> 00:15:08,861 We've lent you a considerable sum, many thousands of dollars. 133 00:15:09,112 --> 00:15:10,113 Payment due. 134 00:15:10,281 --> 00:15:12,448 I don't have the money to repay you. I've tried everything. 135 00:15:12,616 --> 00:15:16,411 - Oh, Gordon, I want to believe him. - So do I. 136 00:15:16,579 --> 00:15:17,745 Make me proud. 137 00:15:17,913 --> 00:15:19,622 No, no, no, no, no. 138 00:15:27,673 --> 00:15:30,842 - He lied to us, Mother. - No, no. It's not what you think. 139 00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:33,095 Those are doubloons for the Addams account. 140 00:15:33,263 --> 00:15:34,305 Addams? 141 00:15:34,472 --> 00:15:36,849 There's more, there's a fortune, but nobody can get to it. 142 00:15:37,018 --> 00:15:38,142 Don't you think I've tried? 143 00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:40,978 Have you? Have you tried hard enough? 144 00:15:41,146 --> 00:15:44,816 - Ask him, sweetheart. - No, no, no, sweetheart. Don't ask. 145 00:15:52,950 --> 00:15:54,159 Fester. 146 00:16:00,833 --> 00:16:03,794 - It's a miserable night. - I know, darling. 147 00:16:04,503 --> 00:16:06,088 S�ance weather. 148 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,800 Children, we're starting! 149 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,094 Put down that antenna. 150 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:22,731 It's unbelievable. This hideous creature and my little boy. 151 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,903 They could be twins. 152 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:32,157 But they're his family. What makes you think they'll fall for it? 153 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,035 You shave your head, we dress you up. No problem. 154 00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,038 They'll think he's Fester, their long-lost brother. 155 00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:39,207 I hope so, Mr. Alford, for your sake. 156 00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:41,291 Hey, I've been the Addams' lawyer for years. 157 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,544 - They're morons. - Obviously. 158 00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:45,922 - Now what about the gold? - They got this vault, it's somewhere... 159 00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,675 - Where? - I'm not sure. 160 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,718 That's a problem, isn't it? 161 00:16:49,886 --> 00:16:52,595 Now listen, Fester's been missing for 25 years. 162 00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:54,472 He and Gomez had some sort of a fight 163 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,059 and Gomez feels incredibly guilty about it. 164 00:16:57,227 --> 00:16:59,061 He'll tell you anything. Just ask. 165 00:16:59,354 --> 00:17:02,773 - It's foolproof. - It had better be. Now, get out. 166 00:17:04,234 --> 00:17:05,359 It's gonna be great. 167 00:17:05,527 --> 00:17:08,362 You're gonna get back all the money I owe you and more. 168 00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:09,780 You'll see. Really. 169 00:17:12,159 --> 00:17:15,787 This is it, Mother. The one we've been waiting for. 170 00:17:15,955 --> 00:17:20,292 No more loan sharking, no more storefront scams. 171 00:17:20,459 --> 00:17:22,711 I get the gold, and we're gone. 172 00:17:22,879 --> 00:17:26,131 And Tully takes the rap. Gordon, it's brilliant. 173 00:17:26,299 --> 00:17:27,967 No, not Gordon! 174 00:17:28,385 --> 00:17:30,928 - Of course not. - Fester. 175 00:17:38,729 --> 00:17:41,397 Big night for you guys, eh, small fry? 176 00:17:43,318 --> 00:17:44,983 Hello, sweetheart. 177 00:17:45,902 --> 00:17:47,279 Could you? 178 00:17:52,451 --> 00:17:54,953 Oh, thank God. 179 00:17:55,455 --> 00:17:57,456 Welcome, honored guests. 180 00:17:59,292 --> 00:18:00,585 Entrails? 181 00:18:15,392 --> 00:18:19,354 Sing, O spirits, hearken all souls. 182 00:18:20,189 --> 00:18:21,565 Every year on this date, 183 00:18:21,732 --> 00:18:24,651 we offer a clarion call to Fester Addams. 184 00:18:24,819 --> 00:18:25,986 Stop it. 185 00:18:26,446 --> 00:18:27,696 Pugsley. 186 00:18:32,535 --> 00:18:33,661 Kids. 187 00:18:34,621 --> 00:18:36,830 From generation to generation, 188 00:18:37,666 --> 00:18:39,708 our beacon to the beyond. 189 00:18:41,629 --> 00:18:44,381 All close eyes and join hands. 190 00:18:50,971 --> 00:18:52,347 What a grip! 191 00:18:53,641 --> 00:18:54,850 My hand! 192 00:18:56,143 --> 00:18:58,853 My hand! She's got my hand! 193 00:19:07,781 --> 00:19:09,990 - Excuse me. - Okay, pumpkin, sit down. 194 00:19:10,158 --> 00:19:13,244 - Join the fun. - Mama, you should know better. 195 00:19:14,162 --> 00:19:16,206 Thing, you're a handful. 196 00:19:16,749 --> 00:19:18,125 Wednesday. 197 00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:21,461 Let us ransom you from the power of the grave. 198 00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:24,381 Tonight, O Death, let us be your plague. 199 00:19:24,966 --> 00:19:26,258 Mama. 200 00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,260 Fester Addams, 201 00:19:35,476 --> 00:19:37,520 I feel that he's near. 202 00:19:40,190 --> 00:19:43,443 Fester Addams, gather your strength 203 00:19:44,361 --> 00:19:46,779 and knock three times. 204 00:19:51,369 --> 00:19:52,743 Did you hear that? 205 00:19:53,329 --> 00:19:55,247 - Ask again, Mama, quickly. - By all means. 206 00:19:55,415 --> 00:19:56,581 Ask. Ask. 207 00:19:56,748 --> 00:20:01,962 Fester Addams, I demand that you knock again! 208 00:20:14,477 --> 00:20:16,102 He's at the door! 209 00:20:32,078 --> 00:20:33,786 - Could it be? - Is it him? 210 00:20:33,954 --> 00:20:36,081 - Is it possible? - Oh, my God. 211 00:20:39,126 --> 00:20:41,796 - Fester. - Gomez. 212 00:21:00,191 --> 00:21:03,443 Good evening. I am Dr. Pinder-Schloss. 213 00:21:07,783 --> 00:21:11,744 He was found in Miami, tangled in a tuna net. 214 00:21:11,912 --> 00:21:16,123 It was just last month during the Hurricane Helga. 215 00:21:16,457 --> 00:21:19,418 The sky, it was black like pitch. 216 00:21:19,586 --> 00:21:23,798 The waves, they were walls of doom. Can you imagine? 217 00:21:23,966 --> 00:21:27,301 They drag him from the ocean, from the very jaws of oblivion. 218 00:21:27,469 --> 00:21:32,475 I'm telling you. There were tests, so many tests! 219 00:21:32,684 --> 00:21:36,520 A complete psychological profile. 220 00:21:36,854 --> 00:21:37,981 At long last, 221 00:21:38,147 --> 00:21:40,691 the Florida Department of the Fish and the Game, 222 00:21:40,859 --> 00:21:44,486 they say, "Lo and behold, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, 223 00:21:44,655 --> 00:21:47,031 "go tell it on the mountains, 224 00:21:47,866 --> 00:21:49,616 "he is your brother. " 225 00:21:51,955 --> 00:21:55,582 Boom! They give him to me at Human Services, 226 00:21:55,750 --> 00:21:59,504 and I am bringing him, after all these years, 227 00:21:59,795 --> 00:22:02,298 after who knows what heartache, 228 00:22:02,465 --> 00:22:04,800 after the naked and the dead, 229 00:22:04,969 --> 00:22:07,970 I am bringing him home to you! 230 00:22:08,597 --> 00:22:10,306 - That's preposterous. - Margaret... 231 00:22:10,473 --> 00:22:12,559 Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard? 232 00:22:12,727 --> 00:22:14,936 - Possibly... - It certainly is. 233 00:22:17,814 --> 00:22:20,025 - Now you're back. - Yes, back. 234 00:22:20,192 --> 00:22:23,235 Back to share your joys, your sorrows. 235 00:22:23,403 --> 00:22:26,573 - Hey, everything. - Well, I just don't know. 236 00:22:26,741 --> 00:22:28,825 Honey, how does this work, again? 237 00:22:28,993 --> 00:22:31,120 An infant would understand. 238 00:22:34,081 --> 00:22:37,543 Fester Addams, home at long last. 239 00:22:37,918 --> 00:22:41,547 Well, at least for a week. 240 00:22:41,715 --> 00:22:44,925 - A week? - Don't be ridiculous. You're home. 241 00:22:45,093 --> 00:22:46,802 Sorry, but I have to get back. 242 00:22:46,970 --> 00:22:50,556 I've got a lot of things cooking in the Bermuda Triangle. 243 00:22:50,724 --> 00:22:52,059 Oh, Gomez. 244 00:22:52,727 --> 00:22:55,562 - The Bermuda Triangle. - Devil's Island. 245 00:22:55,730 --> 00:22:57,731 The Black Hole of Calcutta. 246 00:22:57,899 --> 00:23:00,901 - Excuse us. - Second honeymoon. 247 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,697 Dr. Pinder-Schloss, will you be staying with us, too? 248 00:23:06,157 --> 00:23:08,326 No, no. I must be going. 249 00:23:08,494 --> 00:23:12,872 But I will be back, you can bet, to be checking on Fester's adjustment. 250 00:23:14,291 --> 00:23:15,291 Cool. 251 00:23:15,459 --> 00:23:17,919 Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle. 252 00:23:18,087 --> 00:23:19,963 Not even for a vacation. 253 00:23:20,130 --> 00:23:21,631 Everyone knows that. 254 00:23:21,799 --> 00:23:25,552 Oh, my little bundle. So much you don't understand. 255 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,473 The human spirit, it is a hard thing to kill. 256 00:23:30,392 --> 00:23:32,601 Even with a chain saw. 257 00:23:41,487 --> 00:23:44,321 Unpacking? Let me. 258 00:23:44,989 --> 00:23:47,117 It's all right. I can do it. 259 00:23:48,326 --> 00:23:49,661 Crowbar. 260 00:23:54,082 --> 00:23:55,291 Dynamite. 261 00:24:02,426 --> 00:24:03,759 Cyanide. 262 00:24:06,805 --> 00:24:09,974 Fester, as if we'd run out. 263 00:24:14,354 --> 00:24:15,730 Good night. 264 00:24:47,681 --> 00:24:49,348 Nosy little brat. 265 00:25:51,331 --> 00:25:52,791 Who's there? 266 00:26:28,663 --> 00:26:31,164 My own dear brother. 267 00:26:33,209 --> 00:26:36,795 - I've got goose bumps. - I know. 268 00:26:38,298 --> 00:26:42,634 Screams in the night, it can only mean one thing. 269 00:26:44,679 --> 00:26:46,014 He's home. 270 00:26:48,516 --> 00:26:50,978 Please! Please! 271 00:26:51,146 --> 00:26:53,646 Leave me alone! 272 00:27:20,718 --> 00:27:22,051 Breakfast? 273 00:27:23,679 --> 00:27:26,681 Damn, it's good to have you back. Let's go. 274 00:27:29,727 --> 00:27:31,353 Two out of three? 275 00:27:36,484 --> 00:27:38,318 Home cooking! 276 00:27:38,486 --> 00:27:41,322 There's nothing like it in the world. 277 00:27:41,781 --> 00:27:43,574 May I have the salt? 278 00:27:45,619 --> 00:27:47,244 What do we say? 279 00:27:48,580 --> 00:27:49,664 Now. 280 00:27:59,592 --> 00:28:03,679 - What is this? - Mama's sp�cialit� de la maison. 281 00:28:04,013 --> 00:28:05,722 Oh, Tish. 282 00:28:08,475 --> 00:28:10,268 Start with the eyes. 283 00:28:12,815 --> 00:28:14,649 Did you sleep well? 284 00:28:16,109 --> 00:28:18,320 - Like the dead. - Really? 285 00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,113 Who would have thought the Bermuda Triangle 286 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:21,739 could change a man so much? 287 00:28:21,907 --> 00:28:25,994 You used to toss and turn all night. We had to chain you to the bedpost. 288 00:28:26,161 --> 00:28:27,955 Doesn't make sense. 289 00:28:29,332 --> 00:28:33,961 The Bermuda Triangle is a very strange and mysterious place. 290 00:28:34,587 --> 00:28:37,798 You'd be surprised at all the things you don't know. 291 00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:40,968 She certainly would. 292 00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:43,554 Wednesday adores the Bermuda Triangle. 293 00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:46,890 She studies it. Death at sea, she's hooked. 294 00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:48,726 Ask me anything. 295 00:28:52,439 --> 00:28:55,483 Being in my old room sure brings back memories. 296 00:28:56,819 --> 00:29:00,155 - Remember Camp Custer? - For preteen offenders. 297 00:29:09,665 --> 00:29:11,667 Aren't memories precious? 298 00:29:12,169 --> 00:29:15,671 Today I'd like to wander through the house, remembering. 299 00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:18,050 No, no. Sorry, old man. No wandering today. 300 00:29:18,217 --> 00:29:20,634 Today we're going straight to the vault. 301 00:29:30,813 --> 00:29:33,356 Bravo, Pugsley! 302 00:29:39,489 --> 00:29:40,822 - "Greed"! - "Greed"! 303 00:29:49,374 --> 00:29:51,834 I feel like we're children again. 304 00:29:52,044 --> 00:29:53,586 Tag. You're it! 305 00:30:16,319 --> 00:30:18,570 Smell that air, Fester. 306 00:30:22,326 --> 00:30:23,701 Like a tomb. 307 00:30:30,876 --> 00:30:33,419 The sea, your second home. 308 00:30:34,713 --> 00:30:36,214 Ship ahoy. 309 00:30:51,857 --> 00:30:54,025 Do you think that's really Uncle Fester? 310 00:30:54,193 --> 00:30:57,194 Father says so, but I think Mother isn't sure. 311 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:02,492 Pugsley, sit in the chair. 312 00:31:02,660 --> 00:31:04,828 - Why? - So we can play a game. 313 00:31:10,334 --> 00:31:11,669 What game? 314 00:31:12,962 --> 00:31:16,507 It's called, "Is There a God?" 315 00:31:41,326 --> 00:31:42,702 The vault! 316 00:31:44,163 --> 00:31:47,623 Two to the right, ten to the left. 317 00:31:47,791 --> 00:31:50,418 And then around to... 318 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,045 Five. 319 00:31:52,963 --> 00:31:54,172 Eleven. 320 00:31:55,132 --> 00:31:58,134 Two, ten, eleven. Eyes, fingers, toes. 321 00:31:58,844 --> 00:32:00,345 So many years. 322 00:32:10,190 --> 00:32:12,650 - Welcome back. - Thanks. 323 00:32:13,818 --> 00:32:15,820 Our secret place. 324 00:32:19,032 --> 00:32:21,826 If these walls could speak, eh, old man? 325 00:32:21,994 --> 00:32:25,997 - What would they say? - You tell me. 326 00:32:26,832 --> 00:32:28,166 You first. 327 00:32:29,168 --> 00:32:30,669 Senior partner. 328 00:32:31,462 --> 00:32:33,005 Junior spaceman. 329 00:32:35,132 --> 00:32:36,883 First a brandy. Do the honors. 330 00:32:37,051 --> 00:32:39,178 I've got a real treat in store. 331 00:32:39,346 --> 00:32:41,931 Where is it, you ridiculous imbecile? 332 00:33:27,146 --> 00:33:28,938 Show time! 333 00:33:58,804 --> 00:34:01,221 There, the debutante ball. 334 00:34:02,725 --> 00:34:04,893 Remember that fateful night? 335 00:34:05,854 --> 00:34:07,188 Of course. 336 00:34:12,569 --> 00:34:13,985 Your first cigar. 337 00:34:14,153 --> 00:34:17,489 What? Come on, old man. I've smoked since I was five. 338 00:34:17,656 --> 00:34:19,325 Mother insisted. 339 00:34:21,495 --> 00:34:24,288 Flora and Fauna. 340 00:34:24,581 --> 00:34:27,000 Quite the pair, eh, Gomez? 341 00:34:27,335 --> 00:34:29,085 Can you ever forgive me? 342 00:34:30,962 --> 00:34:32,005 What? 343 00:34:32,465 --> 00:34:34,423 I didn't love them, 344 00:34:34,591 --> 00:34:37,844 yet I wooed them both out of foolish pride. 345 00:34:38,805 --> 00:34:41,473 You were so dashing, you could have any woman you wanted, 346 00:34:41,641 --> 00:34:43,142 dead or alive. 347 00:34:43,769 --> 00:34:45,227 I was jealous. 348 00:34:45,395 --> 00:34:47,604 Insanely jealous. 349 00:34:47,772 --> 00:34:49,482 I admit that now. 350 00:34:52,569 --> 00:34:55,321 But I did not mean to drive you off, 351 00:34:55,489 --> 00:34:57,657 not to the Bermuda Triangle. 352 00:34:58,158 --> 00:34:59,993 Water under the bridge. 353 00:35:00,494 --> 00:35:02,620 Forgiven. Forgotten. 354 00:35:10,339 --> 00:35:12,172 Come on. Say it. 355 00:35:13,007 --> 00:35:15,718 - Say the secret password. - The password? 356 00:35:16,512 --> 00:35:18,679 Come on. Stop fooling. You remember. 357 00:35:18,847 --> 00:35:21,766 Please. I'm choking. Please. 358 00:35:21,934 --> 00:35:24,643 You forgot our secret password? 359 00:35:24,811 --> 00:35:27,189 The word we used 100 times a day? 360 00:35:27,357 --> 00:35:29,482 Our special private name for each other? 361 00:35:29,650 --> 00:35:31,818 That was a long time ago when we were children. 362 00:35:31,986 --> 00:35:33,319 You almost killed me, 363 00:35:33,487 --> 00:35:37,324 you demented freak. 364 00:35:37,492 --> 00:35:40,828 Poor devil, what did they do to you in that Bermuda Triangle? 365 00:35:40,996 --> 00:35:43,497 But if he's not Uncle Fester, then who is he? 366 00:35:43,666 --> 00:35:45,165 Somebody else. 367 00:35:48,253 --> 00:35:49,503 It has to warm up. 368 00:35:49,671 --> 00:35:52,756 - Why? - So it can kill you. 369 00:35:53,384 --> 00:35:54,884 I knew that. 370 00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:59,389 - Children, what are you doing? - I'm going to electrocute him. 371 00:35:59,557 --> 00:36:01,682 But we're late for the charity auction. 372 00:36:01,850 --> 00:36:04,395 - But, Mother... - I said no. 373 00:36:05,021 --> 00:36:06,229 Please? 374 00:36:07,190 --> 00:36:08,690 Oh, all right. 375 00:36:18,534 --> 00:36:19,952 This magnificent piece 376 00:36:20,537 --> 00:36:24,123 is encrusted with rubies and 15 emerald chips. 377 00:36:24,459 --> 00:36:29,712 It was donated by Morticia and Gomez Addams. 378 00:36:29,964 --> 00:36:32,466 Remember, this year, over half our proceeds 379 00:36:32,633 --> 00:36:35,761 will benefit the elderly and the mentally disabled. 380 00:36:36,429 --> 00:36:39,515 I'll open the bidding at $5,000. 381 00:36:39,682 --> 00:36:42,309 Five... Not good enough. 382 00:36:42,477 --> 00:36:44,686 - $20,000. - What are they doing? 383 00:36:44,855 --> 00:36:47,524 - I have 20. - Twenty-five. 384 00:36:48,233 --> 00:36:49,566 Twenty-five. 385 00:36:49,734 --> 00:36:50,985 Thirty. 386 00:36:52,111 --> 00:36:53,530 Thirty-five! 387 00:36:55,573 --> 00:36:59,494 - Fifty. - I have $50,000. 388 00:36:59,662 --> 00:37:01,037 Your turn, my ecstasy. 389 00:37:01,205 --> 00:37:04,792 $50,000, going once. $50,000, going twice. 390 00:37:06,627 --> 00:37:11,048 Sold to Morticia Addams for $50,000. 391 00:37:22,519 --> 00:37:24,479 Isn't it too enchanting? 392 00:37:24,647 --> 00:37:26,523 How do you take it off? 393 00:37:29,318 --> 00:37:31,279 There's a trick to it, 394 00:37:33,656 --> 00:37:35,032 of course. 395 00:37:45,376 --> 00:37:48,171 "How do you take it off?" That's absurd. 396 00:37:48,505 --> 00:37:52,008 That finger trap was a party favor at his 10th birthday! 397 00:37:56,805 --> 00:37:58,056 Oh, no. 398 00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,349 Father's playing with his trains. 399 00:38:02,019 --> 00:38:04,313 He wore that finger trap for two years! 400 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,481 Mother had to teach him to eat with his feet. 401 00:38:06,649 --> 00:38:09,276 And the combination and the password 402 00:38:09,444 --> 00:38:12,030 and my cigar and he slept so well! 403 00:38:15,742 --> 00:38:17,159 He's using the diesel. 404 00:38:28,757 --> 00:38:29,839 The covered bridge. 405 00:38:33,218 --> 00:38:34,428 Dead man's curve. 406 00:39:28,277 --> 00:39:30,946 It's all about Uncle Fester, isn't it? 407 00:39:40,998 --> 00:39:43,750 Spirits above me, give me a sign. 408 00:39:44,293 --> 00:39:47,004 Shall I be joyous or shall I be damned? 409 00:40:02,855 --> 00:40:04,522 Sleepless night? 410 00:40:07,444 --> 00:40:09,237 Walk with me, Fester. 411 00:40:15,326 --> 00:40:16,827 Aunt LaBorgia. 412 00:40:17,287 --> 00:40:19,496 Executed by a firing squad. 413 00:40:20,999 --> 00:40:22,500 Cousin Fledge. 414 00:40:23,001 --> 00:40:26,087 Torn limb from limb by four wild horses. 415 00:40:27,673 --> 00:40:29,966 Darling Uncle Eimar. 416 00:40:32,845 --> 00:40:34,304 Buried alive. 417 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:38,684 Psychopaths, fiends, 418 00:40:38,852 --> 00:40:40,519 mad-dog killers. 419 00:40:41,188 --> 00:40:44,022 Brutes, Fester. Pioneers. 420 00:40:44,608 --> 00:40:46,193 Lest we forget. 421 00:40:47,485 --> 00:40:49,320 Your beloved Muerto. 422 00:40:51,114 --> 00:40:54,325 After you left, he was simply a different vulture. 423 00:40:56,078 --> 00:40:57,829 He wouldn't circle. 424 00:40:58,830 --> 00:41:00,498 He wouldn't peck. 425 00:41:01,959 --> 00:41:04,669 That's how much you mean to this family. 426 00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:13,845 Mother and Father Addams. 427 00:41:15,181 --> 00:41:18,559 How I wish the children could have known them better. 428 00:41:19,353 --> 00:41:21,687 But tell that to an angry mob. 429 00:41:25,068 --> 00:41:29,863 And our credo, "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. " 430 00:41:30,657 --> 00:41:33,991 We gladly feast on those who would subdue us. 431 00:41:34,911 --> 00:41:36,828 Not just pretty words. 432 00:41:40,375 --> 00:41:44,545 As an Addams, you understand completely, don't you? 433 00:41:47,089 --> 00:41:50,175 As an Addams, yes, I do. 434 00:41:53,763 --> 00:41:55,515 Good night, Fester. 435 00:41:58,059 --> 00:41:59,602 Rest in peace. 436 00:42:08,946 --> 00:42:11,072 They're on to me, Mother. I'm almost sure. 437 00:42:11,616 --> 00:42:13,451 Of course I tried. I still can't find it. 438 00:42:13,618 --> 00:42:14,617 You've got to get over here. 439 00:42:14,785 --> 00:42:17,079 Arsenic, cyanide. Cyanide. Arsenic, arsenic. 440 00:42:17,581 --> 00:42:19,124 Don't say that. 441 00:42:20,416 --> 00:42:21,917 You know I do. 442 00:42:24,129 --> 00:42:28,048 His trains are everywhere. The children are beside themselves. 443 00:42:28,718 --> 00:42:30,718 Is that for your brother? 444 00:42:31,052 --> 00:42:32,679 I don't think so. 445 00:42:40,688 --> 00:42:42,314 This can't go on. 446 00:42:42,481 --> 00:42:44,984 How can I help him? Tell me, Mama. 447 00:42:46,528 --> 00:42:48,946 "Troubled husbands. " 448 00:42:49,114 --> 00:42:50,823 - "Adultery"? - Oh, no. 449 00:42:51,825 --> 00:42:54,702 - "Financial, money troubles"? - No. 450 00:42:55,913 --> 00:42:59,373 - "Turned into toad or reptile. " - Is there an index? 451 00:43:01,376 --> 00:43:04,295 They know I'm a fraud, the whole bunch. 452 00:43:04,922 --> 00:43:06,298 It's not going to work. 453 00:43:06,466 --> 00:43:09,801 Who knows? Gomez, that overheated moron? 454 00:43:10,261 --> 00:43:12,847 He's no moron. He's Fester's brother. 455 00:43:13,015 --> 00:43:14,555 They had some awful fight years ago. 456 00:43:14,724 --> 00:43:16,809 He's suspicious, they all are, I can tell. 457 00:43:16,977 --> 00:43:19,186 Really? Well, thank God I came over here. 458 00:43:19,354 --> 00:43:23,859 I will counsel the troubled family, ease their distress. 459 00:43:24,026 --> 00:43:26,653 It's my calling. Remember, Gordon? 460 00:43:26,820 --> 00:43:29,823 - What? - I'm a doctor. 461 00:43:32,618 --> 00:43:36,162 Why don't you speak to Fester, darling? He's right outside the door. 462 00:43:36,330 --> 00:43:39,458 I would speak with Fester if that were Fester. 463 00:43:39,668 --> 00:43:42,836 But that is not. That's an impostor! 464 00:43:43,004 --> 00:43:45,464 An impostore! 465 00:43:45,674 --> 00:43:48,342 A charlatan! A sham! 466 00:43:48,677 --> 00:43:50,178 A counterfeit. 467 00:43:57,686 --> 00:44:01,022 O, villain, villain, smiling, damned villain! 468 00:44:01,190 --> 00:44:03,358 Who calls me a villain? Breaks my pate across? 469 00:44:03,526 --> 00:44:04,693 - Bloodshed. - Plucks off my beard, 470 00:44:04,860 --> 00:44:08,655 - and blows it in my face? - If I must strike you dead, I will. 471 00:44:18,749 --> 00:44:19,792 No! 472 00:44:20,127 --> 00:44:23,380 No, no, no, no, no, no! 473 00:44:25,089 --> 00:44:26,841 Give me that sword. 474 00:44:27,759 --> 00:44:29,927 Haven't you ever slaughtered anyone? 475 00:44:30,095 --> 00:44:32,806 - He's only a child. - No excuse. 476 00:44:33,599 --> 00:44:36,601 Aim for a major artery. The jugular. 477 00:44:36,769 --> 00:44:39,938 A faker! A phony! 478 00:44:40,107 --> 00:44:41,815 An utter fraud! 479 00:44:42,233 --> 00:44:46,278 - A base, deceitful... - Mr. Addams! 480 00:44:47,573 --> 00:44:50,783 I believe I am understanding. I can help, yes? 481 00:44:51,409 --> 00:44:54,745 The theory of displacement. 482 00:44:55,414 --> 00:44:57,081 Is this familiar? 483 00:44:57,666 --> 00:44:58,916 No. Tish? 484 00:44:59,084 --> 00:45:01,586 Oh, it is too exciting. 485 00:45:01,962 --> 00:45:03,629 I will explain. 486 00:45:03,922 --> 00:45:05,882 Is it unpleasant? 487 00:45:06,593 --> 00:45:07,801 Deeply. 488 00:45:09,929 --> 00:45:14,016 Your very own brother, you drive him away. 489 00:45:14,184 --> 00:45:15,976 "Go. Off with you. " 490 00:45:16,352 --> 00:45:20,189 But then you are feeling the little black monster. 491 00:45:20,356 --> 00:45:22,859 - Pugsley. - Guilt. Yes? 492 00:45:23,527 --> 00:45:26,613 Your brother returns, you feel guilty, 493 00:45:26,781 --> 00:45:29,364 - you displace. - I do? 494 00:45:29,699 --> 00:45:33,411 The feelings in your brain cells, they bubble and collide. 495 00:45:34,122 --> 00:45:36,623 You suspect things. 496 00:45:36,791 --> 00:45:39,502 You love him, but you resent him. 497 00:45:40,003 --> 00:45:42,128 Love, hate. Hate, love. 498 00:45:43,173 --> 00:45:44,839 Like for Mama. No? 499 00:45:45,342 --> 00:45:48,259 But I didn't hate my mother, it was an accident. 500 00:45:48,427 --> 00:45:52,848 It's a very common psychosis, I'm seeing it every day. 501 00:45:53,141 --> 00:45:54,643 Lucky doctor. 502 00:45:55,185 --> 00:45:58,521 Displacement. How bizarre. 503 00:45:58,688 --> 00:46:01,524 And here I thought Fester was the problem. 504 00:46:02,192 --> 00:46:03,527 - He's sullen. - He's furtive. 505 00:46:03,694 --> 00:46:04,820 - Backstabbing. - He sulks. 506 00:46:04,986 --> 00:46:06,321 - I suspect him. - You're unbalanced. 507 00:46:06,489 --> 00:46:10,033 And I hate him. By God, you're right! 508 00:46:10,535 --> 00:46:12,202 He is Fester! 509 00:46:12,577 --> 00:46:14,831 Thank you, Dr. Pinder-Schloss. 510 00:46:15,373 --> 00:46:16,999 I do what I can. 511 00:46:17,167 --> 00:46:19,918 You see, children, there's lots to learn. 512 00:46:24,049 --> 00:46:25,423 "Gangrene. " 513 00:46:27,386 --> 00:46:29,512 Uncle Fester, how do you know so much? 514 00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,223 I've been around. I pick things up. 515 00:46:32,558 --> 00:46:34,517 In the Bermuda Triangle? 516 00:46:36,436 --> 00:46:38,688 Look, children, a new chapter. 517 00:46:39,190 --> 00:46:41,525 - "Scabs. " - "Scabs. " 518 00:46:48,616 --> 00:46:51,869 Three parts dynamite with a nitroglycerin cap. 519 00:46:52,078 --> 00:46:55,832 It's perfect for small holes, carports and tool sheds. 520 00:47:02,672 --> 00:47:03,882 Mother. 521 00:47:04,717 --> 00:47:07,177 Everyone will be at the children's play tonight, correct? 522 00:47:07,344 --> 00:47:09,345 Oh, yes. I've been working with them. 523 00:47:09,513 --> 00:47:12,015 - It's going to be fun. - Fun? 524 00:47:13,851 --> 00:47:16,437 Is that what we're here for? Fun? 525 00:47:17,272 --> 00:47:19,899 Darling, forgive me. You see what they've driven me to? 526 00:47:20,066 --> 00:47:23,444 I've raised a hand to my child, my reason for living. 527 00:47:25,323 --> 00:47:29,033 - You can't go to the play. - But the kids... 528 00:47:29,201 --> 00:47:31,703 The house will be deserted. The vault will be ours. 529 00:47:31,871 --> 00:47:33,246 But, Mother... 530 00:47:34,707 --> 00:47:36,791 Can you hear it, my treasure? 531 00:47:36,959 --> 00:47:39,543 My heartbeat. It beats only for you. 532 00:47:39,711 --> 00:47:42,464 Listen closely. It says, "Gordon, I love you, 533 00:47:42,632 --> 00:47:44,717 "Gordon, the vault. " 534 00:47:45,843 --> 00:47:47,344 I do hear it. 535 00:47:47,679 --> 00:47:51,641 Soon we'll have the money and we'll be far from here. 536 00:47:52,059 --> 00:47:55,145 Loving mother, grateful son. 537 00:47:55,811 --> 00:47:56,938 Understood? 538 00:48:03,070 --> 00:48:05,155 There you are, at last. 539 00:48:06,366 --> 00:48:09,075 What a fool I was to doubt you. 540 00:48:09,243 --> 00:48:11,995 Dr. Pinder-Schloss explained everything. 541 00:48:12,163 --> 00:48:14,498 What a lovely woman. So chilly. 542 00:48:14,916 --> 00:48:18,043 Displacement. It's a common psychosis. 543 00:48:18,211 --> 00:48:20,295 - Isn't that grand? - Is it? 544 00:48:21,340 --> 00:48:23,048 Look at it, Fester. 545 00:48:23,216 --> 00:48:27,553 The primeval ooze. Quicksand, fumes, toxic waste. 546 00:48:27,721 --> 00:48:31,849 It's all ours, Fester. You belong here, old man. 547 00:48:32,185 --> 00:48:34,978 - Stay. - You don't know what you're asking. 548 00:48:35,730 --> 00:48:39,189 You have a beautiful wife, wonderful children, 549 00:48:40,025 --> 00:48:41,485 a wasteland. 550 00:48:42,569 --> 00:48:44,154 I'm in the way. 551 00:48:44,863 --> 00:48:46,030 In the way? 552 00:48:46,866 --> 00:48:49,535 - My brother? - Gomez, take care! 553 00:48:51,371 --> 00:48:54,206 For you, life is all fun and games. 554 00:48:55,042 --> 00:48:58,128 A dance in a graveyard. Stench. Decay. 555 00:48:58,671 --> 00:49:02,173 - But things change. - Precisely. You're back. 556 00:49:03,216 --> 00:49:06,051 All those years apart, Fester. 557 00:49:06,678 --> 00:49:08,555 We can't do that again. 558 00:49:11,351 --> 00:49:12,934 You're home. 559 00:49:36,752 --> 00:49:37,919 Fore! 560 00:49:42,383 --> 00:49:44,258 Damn you, Addams! 561 00:49:50,558 --> 00:49:51,851 Uncle Fester? 562 00:49:52,019 --> 00:49:54,771 Come on, Uncle Fester. Come to the play. 563 00:49:55,522 --> 00:49:57,440 I said I was busy. 564 00:49:57,775 --> 00:50:02,111 But you said you'd help us, with the Shakespeare and the pus. 565 00:50:02,279 --> 00:50:03,946 I changed my mind. 566 00:50:18,755 --> 00:50:21,423 Mrs. Addams, can I see you for a moment? 567 00:50:22,592 --> 00:50:25,052 I'm Susan Firkins. I'm Wednesday's teacher. 568 00:50:25,221 --> 00:50:26,720 Oh, of course, Miss Firkins. 569 00:50:26,888 --> 00:50:29,474 Wednesday's told us so much about you. 570 00:50:38,109 --> 00:50:42,822 Wednesday is an excellent student, but, frankly, I'm concerned. 571 00:50:42,989 --> 00:50:45,365 You see, this is our class bulletin board. 572 00:50:45,533 --> 00:50:50,078 This month, our theme is our heroes, people we love and admire. 573 00:50:50,538 --> 00:50:53,457 You see, Susan Ringo has chosen the President. 574 00:50:53,625 --> 00:50:55,126 Isn't that sweet? 575 00:50:55,627 --> 00:50:58,797 And Harmony Feld has picked Jane Pauley. 576 00:51:00,757 --> 00:51:03,051 Have you spoken to her parents? 577 00:51:03,802 --> 00:51:07,179 But Wednesday brought in this picture, 578 00:51:07,347 --> 00:51:09,266 Calpurnia Addams. 579 00:51:09,725 --> 00:51:12,602 Wednesday's great-aunt Calpurnia. 580 00:51:12,770 --> 00:51:15,523 She was burned as a witch in 1706. 581 00:51:15,858 --> 00:51:18,775 They say she danced naked in the town square 582 00:51:18,943 --> 00:51:20,945 and enslaved a minister. 583 00:51:21,696 --> 00:51:23,864 - Really? - Oh, yes. 584 00:51:24,532 --> 00:51:28,953 But don't worry. We've told Wednesday, college first. 585 00:51:30,164 --> 00:51:33,207 Isn't he adorable? 586 00:51:33,833 --> 00:51:37,003 - I made this myself. - It's charming. 587 00:51:37,171 --> 00:51:38,921 What is he, a lizard? 588 00:51:39,423 --> 00:51:40,673 An elf. 589 00:51:41,801 --> 00:51:43,469 Look at you. 590 00:51:49,976 --> 00:51:51,810 That's better. 591 00:51:52,187 --> 00:51:54,855 You are too precious for words. 592 00:51:55,023 --> 00:51:57,608 Why, I could just eat you alive. 593 00:51:58,027 --> 00:52:00,195 Oh, no, Margaret. Too young. 594 00:52:31,771 --> 00:52:35,022 Wednesday. Pugsley. I changed my mind. 595 00:52:35,900 --> 00:52:37,400 Uncle Fester. 596 00:52:44,032 --> 00:52:46,034 Gordon? Gordon? 597 00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:48,537 It's Mother. 598 00:52:51,707 --> 00:52:53,543 Damn it, where is he? 599 00:52:54,418 --> 00:52:56,754 I never should have used him. 600 00:53:07,183 --> 00:53:09,893 I knew you couldn't stay away, old man. 601 00:53:29,498 --> 00:53:30,748 Damn it. 602 00:53:32,083 --> 00:53:34,459 Gordon! Gordon! 603 00:53:34,628 --> 00:53:36,129 Are you there? 604 00:53:37,714 --> 00:53:39,007 Gordon. 605 00:53:43,512 --> 00:53:46,015 My goodness! Say! Look! Would somebody come here! 606 00:53:46,182 --> 00:53:47,974 Oh, my! Oh, good... 607 00:53:48,726 --> 00:53:50,144 Oh, my! 608 00:53:51,521 --> 00:53:53,397 How all occasions do inform against me, 609 00:53:53,565 --> 00:53:55,274 And spur my dull revenge! 610 00:53:55,442 --> 00:53:56,650 O, from this time forth, 611 00:53:56,819 --> 00:53:58,737 My thoughts be bloody, or nothing worth! 612 00:53:58,903 --> 00:54:01,405 If I must strike you dead, I will. 613 00:54:04,659 --> 00:54:05,826 A hit, 614 00:54:06,412 --> 00:54:08,872 a very palpable hit. 615 00:54:19,551 --> 00:54:21,343 O proud death, 616 00:54:21,510 --> 00:54:24,388 What feast is toward in thine eternal cell? 617 00:54:26,683 --> 00:54:30,019 Sweet oblivion, open your arms! 618 00:54:47,581 --> 00:54:48,914 Bravo! 619 00:54:50,583 --> 00:54:53,043 - Bravo! - Bravo! 620 00:54:54,141 --> 00:54:55,905 Bravo! 621 00:55:01,095 --> 00:55:04,013 There were sailors, pirates 622 00:55:04,847 --> 00:55:08,518 and a plane full of tourists from Miami Beach, 623 00:55:09,229 --> 00:55:11,313 all lost in the Triangle. 624 00:55:11,855 --> 00:55:14,857 Uncle Fester, will you take me there someday? 625 00:55:15,109 --> 00:55:16,652 It's a promise. 626 00:55:17,570 --> 00:55:19,196 - Good night, Wednesday. - Good night. 627 00:55:19,364 --> 00:55:21,031 You were terrific. 628 00:55:23,326 --> 00:55:24,786 Uncle Fester? 629 00:55:46,643 --> 00:55:48,435 A theatrical triumph. 630 00:55:49,228 --> 00:55:50,896 It's like a dream. 631 00:55:51,314 --> 00:55:54,650 When we first met, it was an evening much like this. 632 00:55:55,276 --> 00:55:56,902 Magic in the air. 633 00:55:57,989 --> 00:55:59,154 A boy. 634 00:55:59,948 --> 00:56:01,158 A girl. 635 00:56:01,908 --> 00:56:03,410 An open grave. 636 00:56:04,161 --> 00:56:06,120 It was my first funeral. 637 00:56:06,914 --> 00:56:08,998 You were so beautiful. 638 00:56:09,791 --> 00:56:11,626 Pale and mysterious. 639 00:56:12,670 --> 00:56:15,046 No one even looked at the corpse. 640 00:56:15,547 --> 00:56:17,507 Your cousin, Balthazar. 641 00:56:18,177 --> 00:56:20,177 You were still a suspect. 642 00:56:21,554 --> 00:56:25,182 I couldn't stop staring at you all through the eulogy. 643 00:56:26,517 --> 00:56:29,979 Your eyes, your moustache, 644 00:56:31,356 --> 00:56:32,689 your laugh. 645 00:56:34,526 --> 00:56:36,193 You bewitched me. 646 00:56:37,613 --> 00:56:39,697 I proposed that very night. 647 00:56:40,700 --> 00:56:44,369 Just think, someday we'll be buried here 648 00:56:44,996 --> 00:56:47,790 side by side, six feet under 649 00:56:48,166 --> 00:56:50,042 in matching coffins. 650 00:56:51,044 --> 00:56:53,212 Our lifeless bodies 651 00:56:53,379 --> 00:56:57,467 rotting together for all eternity. 652 00:56:59,844 --> 00:57:01,387 Cara mia. 653 00:57:02,890 --> 00:57:04,516 Mon sauvage. 654 00:57:35,383 --> 00:57:37,091 Hey, Bigfoot. 655 00:57:41,556 --> 00:57:43,765 Don't stare. Just get me out. 656 00:57:50,523 --> 00:57:51,524 Did you like the blood? 657 00:57:53,067 --> 00:57:55,695 - I was so proud. - Weren't we all? 658 00:57:56,530 --> 00:57:58,781 Wednesday, play with your food. 659 00:58:06,748 --> 00:58:07,916 Mama. 660 00:58:08,084 --> 00:58:09,876 Who put this in here? 661 00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:15,424 - That's for company. - Rascals. 662 00:58:16,341 --> 00:58:19,219 Doctor, you were so right. 663 00:58:19,386 --> 00:58:22,139 - What an evening. - Fester fit right in. 664 00:58:22,308 --> 00:58:25,601 - The displacement is over. - Well, isn't that nice. 665 00:58:25,810 --> 00:58:29,354 - Does he really have to go? - Yes, he does. 666 00:58:29,522 --> 00:58:32,691 Well, if he insists upon leaving, 667 00:58:33,151 --> 00:58:35,361 we shall mark the occasion. 668 00:58:36,154 --> 00:58:37,322 Tish? 669 00:58:37,489 --> 00:58:42,076 - We've planned a farewell party. - We've invited the entire clan. 670 00:58:42,536 --> 00:58:44,580 What a lovely gesture. 671 00:58:44,831 --> 00:58:46,539 We're a family again 672 00:58:46,707 --> 00:58:49,084 and we owe it all to you, Dr. Pinder-Schloss. 673 00:58:49,252 --> 00:58:51,544 Please. Greta. 674 00:58:52,005 --> 00:58:53,087 Greta. 675 00:58:54,341 --> 00:58:56,508 Fester, walk me out. 676 00:59:01,097 --> 00:59:04,850 I'm fine, Mother. I'm completely in control. 677 00:59:05,019 --> 00:59:07,354 They're not your family, Gordon. I am. 678 00:59:07,521 --> 00:59:09,272 They don't love you. I do. 679 00:59:09,440 --> 00:59:12,860 They're evil and corrupt and degraded. 680 00:59:13,027 --> 00:59:16,237 - I can give you that. - I'm fine. Really. 681 00:59:16,614 --> 00:59:18,449 We'll see. Open up! 682 00:59:47,562 --> 00:59:48,855 A party? 683 00:59:49,692 --> 00:59:50,857 For me? 684 00:59:52,276 --> 00:59:53,360 Here? 685 01:00:00,869 --> 01:00:05,039 Tish, how long has it been since we've waltzed? 686 01:00:05,958 --> 01:00:07,375 Oh, Gomez. 687 01:00:12,090 --> 01:00:13,255 Hours. 688 01:01:20,661 --> 01:01:22,079 It, old man! 689 01:01:24,624 --> 01:01:26,876 You're right. Far too long. 690 01:01:33,300 --> 01:01:36,135 - Don't let me out of your sight. - Don't threaten me, Margaret. 691 01:01:36,303 --> 01:01:39,306 - These people are abnormal. - Don't exaggerate. 692 01:01:45,854 --> 01:01:48,649 Oh, by all means! They're clients, Margaret. 693 01:01:56,199 --> 01:01:58,617 - Wednesday? - Yes, Mother? 694 01:01:58,785 --> 01:02:02,287 Would you run upstairs and check on your uncle, please? 695 01:02:03,457 --> 01:02:06,501 Why, Lumpy Addams. Look at you. 696 01:02:07,377 --> 01:02:08,837 All grown up. 697 01:02:21,267 --> 01:02:22,726 Uncle Fester? 698 01:02:25,730 --> 01:02:27,731 - I understand. - I hope so. 699 01:02:27,899 --> 01:02:29,191 And I'm counting on you. 700 01:02:29,359 --> 01:02:31,986 Don't let me down. Don't buckle. 701 01:02:32,154 --> 01:02:34,989 It's not gonna be easy. There are people everywhere. 702 01:02:35,157 --> 01:02:37,867 You can do it if you just stop whining. 703 01:02:38,536 --> 01:02:41,036 Nobody likes that. It's unattractive. 704 01:02:41,204 --> 01:02:45,708 All right. Fine. I will try and reach the vault tonight. 705 01:02:46,169 --> 01:02:49,589 But if I can't, well, then that's it. 706 01:02:50,715 --> 01:02:52,174 Okay, Mother? 707 01:02:52,508 --> 01:02:55,219 I knew it. You are a fake. 708 01:02:55,511 --> 01:02:57,762 Come here, my little one. 709 01:02:57,930 --> 01:02:59,724 - Wednesday! - Get her! 710 01:03:45,356 --> 01:03:48,441 Flora and Fauna Amor. 711 01:03:49,694 --> 01:03:51,361 I cannot see. 712 01:03:51,737 --> 01:03:54,491 I am blinded by such beauty. 713 01:03:54,658 --> 01:03:55,740 Gomez Addams. 714 01:03:55,908 --> 01:03:57,618 - You terrible flirt. - Always was. 715 01:03:57,786 --> 01:03:58,953 - At least with me. - Copycat! 716 01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:02,498 - Tag-along! - Why, Gomez, the Amor twins. 717 01:04:02,749 --> 01:04:05,167 - I've heard so much about you. - Morticia... 718 01:04:05,335 --> 01:04:07,044 - You nabbed him. - This darling man. 719 01:04:07,212 --> 01:04:08,879 - He was mine! - He was mine! 720 01:04:09,047 --> 01:04:11,423 Flora, Fauna, how can I compete? 721 01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:14,010 You're twice the woman I am. 722 01:04:14,345 --> 01:04:16,888 Tully, the Amor twins. 723 01:04:17,223 --> 01:04:19,891 They're waiting for Fester. Amuse them. 724 01:04:22,353 --> 01:04:24,896 - Hello, Tully. - Oh, my God. 725 01:04:31,154 --> 01:04:34,156 You mean you don't know? It's too intriguing. 726 01:04:34,324 --> 01:04:37,703 Now that Fester's back, he's king of the castle again, isn't he? 727 01:04:37,870 --> 01:04:40,288 Fester's the older brother, so he gets it all. 728 01:04:40,455 --> 01:04:42,498 The house, the money, you name it. 729 01:04:42,666 --> 01:04:44,542 Fester's still single, isn't he? 730 01:04:44,711 --> 01:04:47,379 - Are you, Mr. Alford? - Why, Fauna. 731 01:04:47,547 --> 01:04:50,131 - I'm Fauna. - I'm Flora. 732 01:04:51,509 --> 01:04:54,721 I'm flattered. Excuse me, ladies. 733 01:04:59,893 --> 01:05:03,145 I can't find her anywhere. Let's just leave. 734 01:05:03,564 --> 01:05:05,731 - Out the back. - Now pull yourself together. 735 01:05:05,898 --> 01:05:07,650 She'll turn up, the little cockroach. 736 01:05:07,818 --> 01:05:09,694 You get to the party or they'll suspect something. 737 01:05:09,862 --> 01:05:12,154 - I'll be down soon. - Yes, Mother. 738 01:05:19,413 --> 01:05:22,540 Everyone, your attention, please. 739 01:05:27,047 --> 01:05:30,632 Tonight we dance for our treasured guest of honor, 740 01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:32,301 Fester Addams. 741 01:05:34,889 --> 01:05:37,891 The mamushka! 742 01:05:39,559 --> 01:05:42,562 Taught to us by our Cossack cousins, 743 01:05:42,730 --> 01:05:45,647 the mamushka has been an Addams' family tradition 744 01:05:45,815 --> 01:05:47,442 since God knows when. 745 01:05:47,610 --> 01:05:50,445 We danced the mamushka while Nero fiddled. 746 01:05:50,613 --> 01:05:53,366 We danced the mamushka at Waterloo. 747 01:05:53,784 --> 01:05:57,745 We danced the mamushka for Jack the Ripper. 748 01:05:58,413 --> 01:06:01,248 And now, Fester Addams, 749 01:06:01,792 --> 01:06:05,919 this mamushka is for you. 750 01:06:27,819 --> 01:06:32,323 - Where are you going? There's trouble. - Hey! Not to worry. Plan B. 751 01:06:32,490 --> 01:06:34,992 - But that hideous little girl knows... - I'm in charge. 752 01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:37,203 Ten minutes, I'll be back. 753 01:07:32,678 --> 01:07:35,432 Mamushka, mamushka 754 01:07:35,600 --> 01:07:37,057 He comes for his mamushka 755 01:07:37,226 --> 01:07:38,601 With a hey and a hey and a hey and a hey 756 01:07:38,768 --> 01:07:41,855 And a hey and a hey and a hey and a hey 757 01:07:42,023 --> 01:07:43,731 And a hey and a hey and a hey and a hey and a... 758 01:07:44,274 --> 01:07:46,442 Wait! 759 01:07:48,571 --> 01:07:52,575 I swear by Mummy 760 01:07:52,742 --> 01:07:54,868 And Daddums 761 01:07:55,369 --> 01:07:58,206 This detestable Fester's 762 01:07:58,373 --> 01:08:01,876 The echt Fester Addams 763 01:08:03,545 --> 01:08:07,256 So hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey, hey 764 01:08:07,424 --> 01:08:11,219 Let's dance the dance of brotherly love! 765 01:08:11,386 --> 01:08:12,762 Mamushka! 766 01:08:16,433 --> 01:08:18,894 What the hell's going on over there? 767 01:08:19,062 --> 01:08:22,481 How would you like to be rid of the Addamses for good? 768 01:08:23,440 --> 01:08:26,776 - I'm serious. - What can I do for you? 769 01:08:28,947 --> 01:08:31,657 You are gonna love this. 770 01:08:34,577 --> 01:08:37,704 We've been married for almost 20 years. 771 01:08:39,291 --> 01:08:41,501 Sometimes it seems like more. 772 01:08:44,463 --> 01:08:48,132 Well, people grow. People change. 773 01:08:58,979 --> 01:09:01,105 Isn't it a beautiful night? 774 01:09:05,944 --> 01:09:08,530 You'll come see me before you leave, won't you, Fester? 775 01:09:08,698 --> 01:09:10,489 I'll call once I'm alone. 776 01:09:10,657 --> 01:09:12,742 There's your ride, girls. 777 01:09:24,714 --> 01:09:28,634 You're a marvelous dancer. It's been such fun. 778 01:09:31,804 --> 01:09:34,515 I can't. We mustn't. 779 01:09:41,148 --> 01:09:42,189 Call me! 780 01:09:42,357 --> 01:09:44,358 Mamushka, mamushka 781 01:09:44,526 --> 01:09:46,861 I swallowed with one whoosh-ka! 782 01:09:47,029 --> 01:09:48,404 And a hey and a hey 783 01:09:48,572 --> 01:09:50,740 And a hey and a hey and a hey 784 01:09:51,367 --> 01:09:52,827 Hey, hey! 785 01:09:53,869 --> 01:09:57,039 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 786 01:09:57,206 --> 01:09:58,206 Gordon. 787 01:09:58,374 --> 01:09:59,374 Hey. Hey, hey 788 01:09:59,542 --> 01:10:00,542 Gordon, Gordon, stop it. 789 01:10:00,710 --> 01:10:01,710 Gordon, no. 790 01:10:01,878 --> 01:10:02,879 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 791 01:10:03,047 --> 01:10:04,046 Stop it, Gordon. Stop it! 792 01:10:04,213 --> 01:10:05,882 Stop it, this instant. 793 01:10:06,675 --> 01:10:09,886 - Is that lipstick all over your face? - From the twins. 794 01:10:10,054 --> 01:10:12,805 The beauteous Amor twins. 795 01:10:12,973 --> 01:10:14,307 The twins? 796 01:10:14,475 --> 01:10:17,226 Gordon, I don't understand this. Let me get this clear. 797 01:10:17,394 --> 01:10:21,356 - Have you been having a good time? - Yes! I have! 798 01:10:21,523 --> 01:10:23,150 It was marvelous. 799 01:10:23,318 --> 01:10:27,153 I sang up a storm and danced till I dropped! 800 01:10:27,404 --> 01:10:30,907 The mamushka! The mamushka! 801 01:10:31,075 --> 01:10:35,705 And a hey and a hey and a hey and a hey and a hey 802 01:10:38,291 --> 01:10:40,793 - Mother? - Mother? Mother? Who is that? 803 01:10:40,960 --> 01:10:44,004 - I don't think I recall. - Mother, please. 804 01:10:44,172 --> 01:10:46,634 I'm just fine. I'm dandy. 805 01:10:47,051 --> 01:10:49,552 Don't concern yourself about me, Gordon. 806 01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:52,847 Please, return to your depraved orgy. 807 01:10:53,474 --> 01:10:56,310 Sometimes I think you're not even my son. 808 01:10:56,478 --> 01:10:59,479 - Don't say that. - I'm just your mother. 809 01:10:59,648 --> 01:11:03,192 You only owe me your entire existence on this planet. 810 01:11:03,652 --> 01:11:07,030 Please, Gordon, by all means, go sing, dance, date. 811 01:11:07,197 --> 01:11:10,532 Oh, Mother, I'm so terribly sorry. 812 01:11:14,328 --> 01:11:16,873 It was just a party. It's over. 813 01:11:17,791 --> 01:11:19,418 It means nothing. 814 01:11:19,918 --> 01:11:23,255 The Siamese twins, the hunchback, Cousin It, 815 01:11:23,882 --> 01:11:25,381 they're not you. 816 01:11:25,550 --> 01:11:28,051 Say it, Gordon. Make me believe it. 817 01:11:28,553 --> 01:11:31,888 I love you. And I want money. 818 01:11:32,557 --> 01:11:34,474 We've got to find Tully. 819 01:11:39,398 --> 01:11:41,940 Look, our little boy. 820 01:11:42,401 --> 01:11:43,901 All tuckered out. 821 01:11:44,068 --> 01:11:48,072 It's so sweet. He looks just like a little entrée. 822 01:11:49,616 --> 01:11:52,744 - Where's the party? - It's over, darling. 823 01:11:53,455 --> 01:11:57,250 - Have you seen your sister? - Not since before the mamushka. 824 01:11:58,041 --> 01:11:59,209 Gomez. 825 01:11:59,878 --> 01:12:02,629 Fan out. Pugsley, head for the dung heap. 826 01:12:02,798 --> 01:12:05,382 Mama and Morticia, the shallow graves. I'll take the abyss. 827 01:12:05,550 --> 01:12:07,885 Lurch, check out the bottomless pit. 828 01:12:08,052 --> 01:12:09,636 - Fester? - Up here! 829 01:12:10,222 --> 01:12:14,850 Fester, you take the ravine and the unmarked abandoned well. 830 01:12:15,018 --> 01:12:18,980 Someone should stay behind in case she comes back. 831 01:12:19,565 --> 01:12:21,316 Good man. Good thinking! 832 01:12:21,484 --> 01:12:23,611 Then who'll take the swamp? 833 01:12:26,948 --> 01:12:30,283 That's the spirit, Thing. Lend a hand. Let's go! 834 01:12:37,626 --> 01:12:38,793 Gordon! 835 01:12:39,711 --> 01:12:41,252 Don't dawdle. 836 01:12:52,809 --> 01:12:55,602 - What are you doing? - I'm relaxing. 837 01:12:56,730 --> 01:13:00,023 - Taking a little sun. - Have you gone mad? 838 01:13:00,979 --> 01:13:02,356 On the contrary. 839 01:13:10,205 --> 01:13:11,868 Wednesday! 840 01:13:14,617 --> 01:13:16,693 Wednesday! 841 01:13:19,055 --> 01:13:20,778 Wednesday! 842 01:13:21,773 --> 01:13:23,752 Wednesday! 843 01:14:00,422 --> 01:14:03,591 - What is all this? - This is a restraining order. 844 01:14:03,758 --> 01:14:05,426 - A restraining order? - Yes. 845 01:14:05,594 --> 01:14:09,555 It requires you to keep a distance of 1,000 yards 846 01:14:09,723 --> 01:14:10,723 from this house. 847 01:14:10,892 --> 01:14:13,101 I am restrained from my own house? 848 01:14:13,268 --> 01:14:15,895 Not your house, mustache. Not anymore. 849 01:14:16,062 --> 01:14:18,564 It belongs to the oldest living descendant, 850 01:14:18,732 --> 01:14:21,943 the elder brother, Fester Addams. 851 01:14:22,111 --> 01:14:25,237 - Fester adores Gomez. - No, no, he's afraid of him. 852 01:14:25,405 --> 01:14:28,867 Seeing the twins brought it all back. You're bitter rivals, Gomez. 853 01:14:29,035 --> 01:14:32,287 - I demand to speak with Fester. - Sorry. No can do. 854 01:14:32,914 --> 01:14:35,373 He's very hurt. Just leave. 855 01:14:37,961 --> 01:14:40,253 But he isn't even Uncle Fester. 856 01:14:43,884 --> 01:14:46,928 Have no fear. Justice shall prevail. 857 01:14:47,471 --> 01:14:49,388 The courts will decide. 858 01:14:49,891 --> 01:14:53,727 They say a man who represents himself has a fool for a client. 859 01:14:53,895 --> 01:14:56,229 Well, with God as my witness, 860 01:14:56,397 --> 01:14:58,440 I am that fool! 861 01:14:59,233 --> 01:15:03,403 Therefore, it is with no small amount of personal satisfaction 862 01:15:03,988 --> 01:15:08,493 that I declare Fester Addams legal executor of the Addams estate 863 01:15:08,743 --> 01:15:11,871 and rightful owner of all possessions 864 01:15:12,039 --> 01:15:16,084 and properties contained therein, with one exception. 865 01:15:16,251 --> 01:15:18,045 Gomez Addams, 866 01:15:18,587 --> 01:15:22,465 I believe these are yours. 867 01:17:01,487 --> 01:17:04,823 - You are doing this on purpose. - That's right, Mother. Isn't this fun? 868 01:17:04,991 --> 01:17:06,741 I'll race you back. 869 01:17:08,745 --> 01:17:11,331 Yes, we've been forced from our home. 870 01:17:11,957 --> 01:17:15,085 Yes, we've been betrayed by those we trusted, 871 01:17:15,544 --> 01:17:18,963 but we are Addamses, and we will not submit. 872 01:17:20,633 --> 01:17:23,885 Who recalls the fable of The Tortoise and the Hare? 873 01:17:24,261 --> 01:17:27,472 The swift yet lazy little cottontail 874 01:17:27,641 --> 01:17:30,266 and his slow but determined companion? 875 01:17:30,935 --> 01:17:32,561 What does this story teach us? 876 01:17:32,729 --> 01:17:35,523 Kill the hare! Skin it. Boil it. 877 01:17:35,690 --> 01:17:38,442 - Put the tortoise on the highway. - During rush hour. 878 01:17:38,610 --> 01:17:41,529 Yes. We will survive. 879 01:17:42,239 --> 01:17:45,908 Poison us. Strangle us. Break our bones. 880 01:17:46,077 --> 01:17:48,161 We will come back for more. 881 01:17:48,955 --> 01:17:50,329 And why? 882 01:17:50,497 --> 01:17:53,917 - Because we like it. - Because we're Addamses. 883 01:17:54,085 --> 01:17:55,627 We're Addamses. 884 01:18:03,511 --> 01:18:05,555 Here, Lurch. On the house. 885 01:18:23,282 --> 01:18:26,742 We have so many homemakers re-entering the workforce. 886 01:18:26,911 --> 01:18:29,746 Your domestic skills can be very valuable. 887 01:18:29,913 --> 01:18:32,584 - College? - Private tutors. 888 01:18:33,584 --> 01:18:35,752 - Major? - Spells and hexes. 889 01:18:36,921 --> 01:18:38,423 Liberal Arts. 890 01:18:39,215 --> 01:18:42,594 What about your husband? Is he currently employed? 891 01:18:43,846 --> 01:18:46,555 He's going through a bad patch at the moment, 892 01:18:46,723 --> 01:18:48,224 but it's not his fault. 893 01:18:48,392 --> 01:18:49,892 Of course not. 894 01:18:51,061 --> 01:18:53,605 What is he, a loafer? A hopeless layabout? 895 01:18:53,772 --> 01:18:55,565 A shiftless dreamer? 896 01:18:57,735 --> 01:18:59,195 Not anymore. 897 01:19:05,076 --> 01:19:07,912 - Is this made from real lemons? - Yes. 898 01:19:08,246 --> 01:19:10,915 I only like all-natural fruits and beverages 899 01:19:11,082 --> 01:19:13,876 organically grown with no preservatives. 900 01:19:14,211 --> 01:19:17,254 - Are you sure they're real lemons? - Yes. 901 01:19:17,714 --> 01:19:19,758 Well, I'll tell you what. 902 01:19:19,926 --> 01:19:21,051 I'll buy a cup 903 01:19:21,219 --> 01:19:24,220 if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. 904 01:19:24,387 --> 01:19:25,805 Do we have a deal? 905 01:19:25,973 --> 01:19:28,516 Are they made from real Girl Scouts? 906 01:19:40,780 --> 01:19:43,200 And so, the witch lured Hansel and Gretel 907 01:19:43,368 --> 01:19:46,994 into the candy house by promising them more sweets. 908 01:19:47,246 --> 01:19:49,538 And she told them to look in the oven. 909 01:19:49,706 --> 01:19:53,418 And she was about to push them in when, lo and behold, 910 01:19:53,794 --> 01:19:56,880 Hansel pushed the poor, defenseless witch 911 01:19:57,047 --> 01:20:00,758 into the oven instead, where she was burned alive, 912 01:20:00,926 --> 01:20:02,594 writhing in agony. 913 01:20:05,807 --> 01:20:10,103 Now, boys and girls, what do you think that feels like? 914 01:21:04,035 --> 01:21:05,702 Welcome to the show. 915 01:21:05,870 --> 01:21:07,537 Voodoo witch doctors here in the United States. 916 01:21:07,705 --> 01:21:08,706 Here, kitty, kitty. 917 01:21:08,874 --> 01:21:13,252 Do they really exist or is this just tabloid hooey? 918 01:21:13,420 --> 01:21:15,504 We'd love you to call in with your comments. 919 01:21:18,258 --> 01:21:20,510 After lunch, we'll try again. 920 01:21:22,012 --> 01:21:23,430 Yes, Mother. 921 01:21:27,226 --> 01:21:29,227 We'll find the money. 922 01:21:30,021 --> 01:21:33,190 Meanwhile, we have this little nest, quiet and cozy 923 01:21:33,358 --> 01:21:35,817 without that dreadful family. 924 01:21:37,237 --> 01:21:38,653 Yes, Mother. 925 01:21:39,322 --> 01:21:42,158 So, you claim that your son was brainwashed 926 01:21:42,326 --> 01:21:46,162 by voodoo witch doctors and forced to recruit others. 927 01:21:46,747 --> 01:21:47,830 Let's take a call. 928 01:21:47,998 --> 01:21:49,415 Hello, Sally. 929 01:21:49,583 --> 01:21:52,168 Mr. Addams, please stop calling. 930 01:21:52,669 --> 01:21:54,503 We do not know where they meet. 931 01:21:54,670 --> 01:21:56,673 Let's take another call. 932 01:21:58,342 --> 01:22:01,094 Gomez, why don't we go for a drive? 933 01:22:01,595 --> 01:22:03,680 - The whole family. - A drive? 934 01:22:04,682 --> 01:22:07,726 - And miss Gilligan? - Dinner's gonna be late. 935 01:22:08,520 --> 01:22:10,521 Here, boy. Here, boy. 936 01:22:18,780 --> 01:22:19,989 Gordon. 937 01:22:21,157 --> 01:22:22,408 Gordon! 938 01:23:29,731 --> 01:23:32,523 I would like to speak with Fester, please. 939 01:23:41,368 --> 01:23:45,412 You're a desperate woman consumed by greed and bitterness. 940 01:23:46,080 --> 01:23:49,249 - We could have been such friends. - Gordon, let's get started. 941 01:23:49,417 --> 01:23:50,919 - But, Mother... - Stop stalling. 942 01:23:51,086 --> 01:23:53,880 I'm not stalling. Stop badgering me. 943 01:23:56,258 --> 01:24:00,094 - The vault, Mrs. Addams, any thoughts? - None whatsoever. 944 01:24:00,262 --> 01:24:02,388 Tully, take over. Tighten it. 945 01:24:02,556 --> 01:24:04,265 But I got this stomach thing when I torture people. 946 01:24:04,433 --> 01:24:05,600 Do it. 947 01:24:09,064 --> 01:24:10,230 Again. 948 01:24:18,990 --> 01:24:20,324 Tighter. 949 01:24:24,497 --> 01:24:26,497 You've done this before. 950 01:25:13,882 --> 01:25:17,009 Who is it? We're paid through Thursday. 951 01:25:18,137 --> 01:25:19,846 Morticia. 952 01:25:20,305 --> 01:25:23,516 Morticia. Morticia what? 953 01:25:24,268 --> 01:25:27,312 Slow down! It's terrible when you stutter. 954 01:25:40,660 --> 01:25:44,913 Morticia in danger. 955 01:25:45,499 --> 01:25:46,665 Stop. 956 01:25:46,834 --> 01:25:50,920 Send help at once. Stop! 957 01:25:53,590 --> 01:25:56,259 You can't! Not with red-hot pokers! 958 01:25:57,178 --> 01:25:59,804 - Is this gonna smell? - Tully Alford, 959 01:25:59,972 --> 01:26:03,349 charlatan, deadbeat, parasite. 960 01:26:04,435 --> 01:26:06,436 How Gomez adored you. 961 01:26:06,604 --> 01:26:08,938 Well, not enough. 962 01:26:09,899 --> 01:26:13,027 Morticia, please. 963 01:26:13,195 --> 01:26:16,906 And dear Fester, which is the real you? 964 01:26:17,699 --> 01:26:20,785 The loathsome, underhanded monster you've become 965 01:26:21,244 --> 01:26:24,706 or the loathsome, underhanded monster we came to love? 966 01:26:24,916 --> 01:26:26,123 Don't ask me. 967 01:26:43,810 --> 01:26:46,144 I know what you're feeling, Fester. 968 01:26:46,313 --> 01:26:47,562 Gordon! 969 01:26:48,816 --> 01:26:52,235 Gordon, I have a thought. Just a notion, top of my head. 970 01:26:52,403 --> 01:26:54,237 Tell me what you think? 971 01:26:54,405 --> 01:26:57,907 Since you and Mrs. Addams are so very close, 972 01:26:59,618 --> 01:27:01,245 be my guest. 973 01:27:03,956 --> 01:27:05,249 Addams! 974 01:27:07,585 --> 01:27:09,461 Darling, take care. 975 01:27:10,380 --> 01:27:13,215 Dirty pool, old man. Never again! 976 01:27:24,395 --> 01:27:26,062 One for you, Tully. 977 01:27:26,980 --> 01:27:28,314 And now... 978 01:27:38,368 --> 01:27:39,702 One for me. 979 01:27:39,869 --> 01:27:42,621 - Gomez, I'm on retainer. - Let him up. 980 01:27:52,674 --> 01:27:55,510 That's right. Now get moving, Addams. 981 01:27:59,015 --> 01:28:00,891 Take him to the vault, 982 01:28:01,726 --> 01:28:04,269 and if you're not back in one hour, 983 01:28:05,062 --> 01:28:06,938 I displace her. 984 01:28:11,527 --> 01:28:14,404 Tish, seeing you like this, 985 01:28:14,572 --> 01:28:16,073 my blood boils. 986 01:28:16,241 --> 01:28:17,742 As does mine. 987 01:28:18,744 --> 01:28:21,746 - This wheel of pain. - Our wheel. 988 01:28:21,914 --> 01:28:25,082 To live without you, only that would be torture. 989 01:28:25,667 --> 01:28:29,171 A day alone, only that would be death. 990 01:28:31,507 --> 01:28:32,925 Knock it off. 991 01:28:34,761 --> 01:28:36,928 The vault, Addams, right now. 992 01:28:46,898 --> 01:28:49,692 - But, Mother, can't we... - Can it, Gordon. 993 01:28:49,860 --> 01:28:53,196 Stop dragging your feet. You disgust me! 994 01:28:53,905 --> 01:28:56,325 You're nothing but a useless, sniveling baby. 995 01:28:56,493 --> 01:28:58,409 A stone around my neck. 996 01:28:58,744 --> 01:29:00,662 What was I thinking? 997 01:29:00,830 --> 01:29:02,580 I should have left you where I found you. 998 01:29:03,874 --> 01:29:06,377 No tricks, Gomez! 999 01:29:07,337 --> 01:29:09,338 That's the wrong book. 1000 01:29:18,598 --> 01:29:20,015 Allow me. 1001 01:29:22,812 --> 01:29:24,520 Good show, old man. 1002 01:29:27,274 --> 01:29:30,943 Put that book down, Gordon. You don't know what it can do. 1003 01:29:31,779 --> 01:29:35,156 - It's not just literature. - Oh, really? 1004 01:29:37,159 --> 01:29:38,243 Quickly, darling. 1005 01:29:38,411 --> 01:29:40,412 Gordon, I'm your friend. 1006 01:29:40,830 --> 01:29:44,750 - Think of the doubloons. - They're not yours, Tully. 1007 01:29:45,419 --> 01:29:46,419 Back off! 1008 01:29:46,587 --> 01:29:49,505 Leather straps. Red-hot pokers. 1009 01:29:50,133 --> 01:29:51,506 Later, my dearest. 1010 01:29:51,674 --> 01:29:54,510 Keep the book closed, Gordon. Listen to Mother. 1011 01:29:54,678 --> 01:29:58,472 I'll never listen to you, never ever again. 1012 01:29:58,640 --> 01:30:01,934 I had to be strict with you because I cared. Put it down! 1013 01:30:02,102 --> 01:30:04,437 You never really loved me. 1014 01:30:04,856 --> 01:30:05,939 Fester, this way! 1015 01:30:06,107 --> 01:30:07,607 Stop whining, you little good-for-nothing. 1016 01:30:07,774 --> 01:30:09,192 Be a man! 1017 01:30:09,694 --> 01:30:12,779 You were a terrible mother! 1018 01:30:13,364 --> 01:30:15,616 There! I said it. 1019 01:31:06,921 --> 01:31:08,421 Are they dead? 1020 01:31:08,798 --> 01:31:10,424 Does it matter? 1021 01:31:28,403 --> 01:31:30,111 Trick or... 1022 01:31:34,950 --> 01:31:36,410 Here we come! 1023 01:31:37,120 --> 01:31:39,663 - Pugsley, old man. - Why, look at you. 1024 01:31:44,211 --> 01:31:45,627 How do you like it? 1025 01:31:47,423 --> 01:31:50,465 What can I say? He's gonna break hearts. 1026 01:31:50,634 --> 01:31:52,217 Trick or treat. 1027 01:31:54,555 --> 01:31:56,806 Hello, Margaret. Cousin It. 1028 01:31:56,974 --> 01:32:00,269 - I almost didn't recognize you. - Isn't he handsome? 1029 01:32:00,729 --> 01:32:03,856 Everyone keeps asking where he bought his costume. 1030 01:32:04,024 --> 01:32:05,607 It is a wonderful hat. 1031 01:32:06,817 --> 01:32:09,778 What are you, darling? Where's your costume? 1032 01:32:09,946 --> 01:32:12,447 This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. 1033 01:32:12,614 --> 01:32:14,992 They look just like everyone else. 1034 01:32:19,539 --> 01:32:22,916 I'm so glad I can spend this night with my family, 1035 01:32:23,084 --> 01:32:24,960 now that I've got my memory back. 1036 01:32:25,128 --> 01:32:29,298 Thank God for that lightning. Knocked some sense into you. 1037 01:32:32,428 --> 01:32:33,970 You remember, old man. 1038 01:32:34,138 --> 01:32:36,389 Dr. Pinder-Schloss really did find Fester 1039 01:32:36,557 --> 01:32:39,225 tangled in a tuna net 25 years ago, 1040 01:32:39,769 --> 01:32:41,228 with amnesia. 1041 01:32:41,396 --> 01:32:43,439 From the Bermuda Triangle. 1042 01:32:46,818 --> 01:32:49,653 How true. Stranger things have happened. 1043 01:32:49,821 --> 01:32:51,613 Please, Uncle Fester. 1044 01:32:52,449 --> 01:32:54,785 - Pugsley. - For the picture. 1045 01:33:01,917 --> 01:33:05,253 All right, everybody, time for a game. 1046 01:33:05,588 --> 01:33:08,422 What shall it be? Bobbing for apples? 1047 01:33:08,591 --> 01:33:09,716 Charades? 1048 01:33:11,053 --> 01:33:13,512 Of course. Wake the dead. 1049 01:33:13,679 --> 01:33:17,057 - Wake the dead! - Wake the dead! 1050 01:33:17,642 --> 01:33:19,518 Out to the cemetery! Come on, everyone. 1051 01:33:19,685 --> 01:33:21,563 I've never played this before. 1052 01:33:21,731 --> 01:33:23,815 - How does it go? - Did you bring a shovel? 1053 01:33:23,982 --> 01:33:26,901 - Uncle Fester, will you be on my team? - No, mine. 1054 01:33:27,069 --> 01:33:28,735 I tell you what. We'll give you a head start. 1055 01:33:28,903 --> 01:33:31,532 Three skulls and a pelvis. How is that? 1056 01:33:34,619 --> 01:33:37,371 My own dear brother. 1057 01:33:46,881 --> 01:33:49,216 - Come on. - We'll catch up. 1058 01:33:52,929 --> 01:33:55,556 Wake the dead! Wake the dead! 1059 01:33:56,892 --> 01:33:58,768 Uncle Atlas, wake up. 1060 01:34:00,354 --> 01:34:03,731 - Come on, Aunt LaBorgia, wake up. - No, no, no, children. 1061 01:34:03,899 --> 01:34:07,235 You have to dig. That's half the fun. 1062 01:34:18,747 --> 01:34:21,084 Oh, Tish, what more could we ask? 1063 01:34:23,670 --> 01:34:25,046 Gomez. 1064 01:34:31,095 --> 01:34:34,264 Cara mia, is it true? 1065 01:34:34,932 --> 01:34:36,016 Oui. 1066 01:34:36,601 --> 01:34:37,894 Mon amour. 1067 01:34:49,114 --> 01:34:51,407 Wake up, Grandpa Addams. It's Halloween. 1068 01:34:51,575 --> 01:34:54,035 Children, look! Great-Aunt Lavinia! 1069 01:34:54,404 --> 01:34:56,967 She was beheaded by her own children! 1070 01:34:57,374 --> 01:34:59,116 Yay!