1 00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:51,770 I've come back. 2 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:59,370 Give me a drink, Brother Kipling. 3 00:04:05,690 --> 00:04:08,250 Don't you know me? 4 00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:12,090 No. I don't know you. 5 00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:15,250 Who are you? 6 00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:17,810 What can I do for you? 7 00:04:17,970 --> 00:04:21,570 I told you. Give me a drink. 8 00:04:52,890 --> 00:04:58,090 It was all settled. Right here, in this office. 9 00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,690 Remember? 10 00:05:01,850 --> 00:05:07,530 Danny and me signed the contract and you witnessed it. 11 00:05:07,810 --> 00:05:09,410 You... 12 00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:13,130 ...stood over there. 13 00:05:15,290 --> 00:05:17,250 I stood there. 14 00:05:17,690 --> 00:05:20,410 And Daniel stood here. 15 00:05:22,090 --> 00:05:23,570 Remember? 16 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:26,970 Carnehan! 17 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:33,330 Peachy Taliaferro Carnehan. 18 00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:35,370 Of course. 19 00:05:35,570 --> 00:05:40,770 Keep looking at me. It helps to keep my soul from flying off. 20 00:05:40,930 --> 00:05:42,570 Carnehan! 21 00:05:42,730 --> 00:05:46,010 The same, and not the same, who sat beside you... 22 00:05:46,210 --> 00:05:50,330 ...in a first-class carriage on the train to Marwar Junction... 23 00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:54,810 ...three summers and a thousand years ago. 24 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,490 Jodhpur, please. 25 00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:27,330 Blast! 26 00:06:45,850 --> 00:06:48,050 All aboard! 27 00:08:03,930 --> 00:08:05,530 May I? 28 00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:11,850 Riding in this ashcart is like being kicked by a mule every 10 minutes! 29 00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:37,570 Mr. Clutterbury Das. 30 00:08:37,730 --> 00:08:42,250 Failed entrance examination, Calcutta University, 1863. 31 00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:46,290 Writer of correspondence for the illiterate general public. 32 00:08:46,450 --> 00:08:47,650 Shut up! 33 00:08:47,850 --> 00:08:49,490 Thank you, sir. 34 00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:41,930 - Out of the window, Babu! - Thank you, sir. 35 00:09:43,090 --> 00:09:45,810 Outside, you inky-fingered thief! 36 00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:48,930 - I hope you break your neck! - Thank you, sir. 37 00:09:49,090 --> 00:09:52,770 - You might have killed him! - Serves him right if I had! 38 00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:57,250 - We're not making five miles an hour. - But why? 39 00:09:58,850 --> 00:10:03,210 - I caught him stealing your watch. - My watch? 40 00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:06,570 I say, it is my watch! 41 00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:09,370 Well! 42 00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:14,010 I'm very much obliged to you, Mr...? 43 00:10:14,970 --> 00:10:19,010 Carnehan. Former gunnery sergeant in Her Majesty's Forces. 44 00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:20,570 Mine's Kipling. 45 00:10:20,930 --> 00:10:24,530 - May I offer you a drink? - I don't mind if I do. 46 00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:32,850 You've knocked about lndia a bit, I take it. 47 00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:37,410 You can say that twice! On foot, on horseback and on camel. 48 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,930 - You don't look green, either. - I was born in India. 49 00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:45,690 Great country, or was till bureaucrats took over and ruined everything. 50 00:10:45,930 --> 00:10:48,370 - I hope you're not one of them! - No. 51 00:10:48,570 --> 00:10:49,770 I didn't think so. 52 00:10:49,970 --> 00:10:53,410 They usually have long noses for looking down at you. 53 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,810 And I've yet to have one of them offer me a drink! 54 00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:01,650 - Glenlivet, 12 years old. - You've an educated taste. 55 00:11:01,810 --> 00:11:05,890 I have an educated taste in whiskey, women, waistcoats and bills of fare. 56 00:11:06,050 --> 00:11:08,650 But I've had few chances to ex ercise it. 57 00:11:08,810 --> 00:11:11,650 Because them that governs make up laws... 58 00:11:11,810 --> 00:11:14,570 ...to stop men like us from getting anywhere. 59 00:11:14,730 --> 00:11:17,370 Whose loss is it? England's, of course! 60 00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:21,890 If we were unrestrained, she wouldn't get 70 millions in revenue... 61 00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:26,410 - ...it would be 700 millions! Right? - I quite agree, yes. 62 00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:29,850 - Where are you heading for? - Jodhpur. 63 00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:33,050 - Will you return on this line? - In 10 days. 64 00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:36,570 Can you make it eight? I have a message for a man... 65 00:11:36,770 --> 00:11:39,970 ...travelling through Marwar Junction on the 24th. 66 00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:43,130 He expects to meet but I have urgent business. 67 00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:45,730 I'm sorry, I can't help you there. 68 00:11:45,930 --> 00:11:48,290 Supposing I was to ask you... 69 00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:52,930 ...as a stranger going to the West to seek for that which was lost. 70 00:11:53,090 --> 00:11:55,290 What would you say then? 71 00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:58,170 I should answer, where do you come from? 72 00:11:58,330 --> 00:11:59,290 From the East. 73 00:11:59,490 --> 00:12:03,250 I am hoping that you will give my message on the square... 74 00:12:03,410 --> 00:12:05,690 ...for the sake of the widow's son. 75 00:12:06,570 --> 00:12:11,250 - Which lodge do you hail from? - Travelling Lodge 3276, Fore and Fit. 76 00:12:11,410 --> 00:12:15,850 The Queen's Own Royal Loyal Light lnfantry, Regimental District 329A. 77 00:12:16,370 --> 00:12:18,930 - To whom is the message? - Daniel Dravot. 78 00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:22,170 - Dravot. - A big man with long gray sideboards. 79 00:12:22,330 --> 00:12:23,370 A great swell. 80 00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:26,890 You'll find him in a first-class compartment. 81 00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:28,210 Don't be af raid. 82 00:12:28,410 --> 00:12:32,930 Slip the window down and say, "Peachy's gone south for the week." 83 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:37,290 - "Peachy's gone south for the week." - Yes, and he'll tumble. 84 00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:42,050 Well, I'll be getting off now before we reach the station. 85 00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:47,650 By the way, Brother Carnehan... 86 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:51,690 I missed my watch in the station at Lahore... 87 00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:54,450 ...before boarding the train. 88 00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:57,810 How was I to know you were a Mason? 89 00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:24,810 What's this? 90 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,530 God's holy trousers! Tickets again? 91 00:13:27,690 --> 00:13:29,810 Is your name Dravot, sir? 92 00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:38,370 I'm to say that Peachy has gone south for the week. 93 00:13:44,330 --> 00:13:46,530 He's gone south for the week. 94 00:13:46,730 --> 00:13:49,930 Did he say I'd give anything for this? I won't. 95 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:52,650 - No, he didn't. - Then why did you do it? 96 00:13:52,810 --> 00:13:55,730 For the sake of the widow's son. 97 00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:00,770 - He said south, did he? - Yes. 98 00:14:00,930 --> 00:14:03,210 Then that'll be Degumber. 99 00:14:03,370 --> 00:14:06,010 Since you're Peachy's pal, I'll tell you. 100 00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:11,090 We're gonna put the screw on the rajah for what he did to his mother-in-law. 101 00:14:11,290 --> 00:14:14,570 Filled her with peppers and flogged her to death. 102 00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:17,890 You mean you intend to blackmail him? 103 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:23,450 You wouldn't get out alive! If they don't cut your throat, they'll poison you. 104 00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:26,810 Both's been tried. Peachy and me don't kill easy! 105 00:14:27,010 --> 00:14:30,530 The rajah's an independent ruler. He answers to nobody. 106 00:14:30,730 --> 00:14:33,090 How will you put the screw on him? 107 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:37,010 By telling him we're correspondents for The Northern Star. 108 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:41,090 You can't! You can't do that! 109 00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:45,450 Because I am the correspondent of The Northern Star! 110 00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:50,010 - You what? - I'm the correspondent! 111 00:14:50,170 --> 00:14:53,450 Eh? What did you say, brother? 112 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:02,410 As you know, we took them at the Degumber border... 113 00:15:02,570 --> 00:15:05,530 ...so there's a question of jurisdiction. 114 00:15:05,690 --> 00:15:09,370 But a charge of conspiracy to blackmail might be brought. 115 00:15:09,530 --> 00:15:14,010 I didn't lay this information before you as a criminal prosecution. 116 00:15:14,170 --> 00:15:16,130 Only to save their lives. 117 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:20,450 May I ask what particular interest you have in these scoundrels? 118 00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:24,130 Well, they happen to be... 119 00:15:24,330 --> 00:15:26,370 ...Freemasons. Like myself. 120 00:15:26,530 --> 00:15:30,570 Freemasons? Them? I'd think you'd strike them off your roll! 121 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,330 Oh, once a Mason, always a Mason. 122 00:15:33,490 --> 00:15:38,610 Never could understand how pukka chaps like you can go about... 123 00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:43,050 ...wearing aprons and sashes and shaking hands with strangers. 124 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,170 What is Masonry, Kipling? 125 00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:47,050 It's an ancient order... 126 00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:51,410 ...dedicated to the brotherhood of man, under the eye of God. 127 00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:56,170 We should have left that behind in England. It can never work here. 128 00:15:56,330 --> 00:16:00,010 There are tales that it did work here, before we came. 129 00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:02,810 Some audacious scholars can trace it... 130 00:16:02,970 --> 00:16:05,490 ...to the builders of Solomon's Temple. 131 00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:11,450 - Old wives' tales, I suspect. - Yes, in all likelihood, sir. 132 00:16:11,610 --> 00:16:17,170 Well, let's have a look at your lodge brothers. 133 00:16:21,330 --> 00:16:24,050 Right turn. 134 00:16:28,010 --> 00:16:29,450 Halt. 135 00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,490 Hats off! 136 00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:35,250 You men are not under arrest... 137 00:16:35,410 --> 00:16:40,570 ...thanks to Mr. Kipling, who's a real correspondent for The Northern Star. 138 00:16:40,770 --> 00:16:44,810 But both of you richly deserve to be in jail. 139 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,490 I have your records before me. 140 00:16:47,690 --> 00:16:50,890 There's everything from smuggling to swindling... 141 00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:54,370 ...receiving stolen goods and barefaced blackmail! 142 00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:56,570 I resent the accusation. 143 00:16:56,730 --> 00:17:00,330 It is blackmail to threaten to publish information. 144 00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:04,650 What blackmail is there in accepting a retainer to keep it out? 145 00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:06,930 How did you propose to do that? 146 00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:10,730 Telling the editor what I know about his sister... 147 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,570 ...and a certain government official. 148 00:17:13,730 --> 00:17:17,850 Let him put that in his paper if he has need of news! 149 00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:24,810 You should have gone home after your army service. 150 00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:28,170 To what? A porter's uniform outside a restaurant? 151 00:17:28,330 --> 00:17:32,450 Tips for closing cab doors on civilians and their blowzy women? 152 00:17:32,610 --> 00:17:35,850 Not for us, after watching Af ghans take command... 153 00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:39,290 - ...when the officers had copped it! - Well said! 154 00:17:39,490 --> 00:17:44,690 There may be no criminal charges, but I'll see these files reach Calcutta... 155 00:17:44,850 --> 00:17:48,850 ...with the advice you be deported as political undesirables. 156 00:17:49,010 --> 00:17:51,730 Detriments to the empire and the raj. 157 00:17:51,890 --> 00:17:54,330 Detriments you call us? Detriments? 158 00:17:54,490 --> 00:18:00,050 Detriments like us built this bloody empire and the izzat of the raj! 159 00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:02,050 Hats on! 160 00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:04,210 About turn! 161 00:18:04,610 --> 00:18:07,410 By the left, quick march! 162 00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:11,090 Left turn! 163 00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:21,010 There's no need to let any of this get into the Star, I take it, Kipling? 164 00:18:21,170 --> 00:18:22,970 No, no, no. 165 00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:29,770 Copy. 166 00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:02,930 My God! You two! What do you want this time? 167 00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:06,690 - We want to ask you a favour. - Another favour? 168 00:19:06,890 --> 00:19:11,170 Calm down, we've never taken advantage of a fellow in the craft. 169 00:19:11,330 --> 00:19:14,050 We don't want money, just a little time... 170 00:19:14,210 --> 00:19:17,410 ...a look at a book or two, a study of your maps. 171 00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:20,610 We'll take a drink, but if not, we won't mind. 172 00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:24,810 Peachy is as sober as I am. It's important you have no doubts. 173 00:19:25,050 --> 00:19:31,370 So we'll take one of your cigars apiece, and you shall watch us... 174 00:19:31,530 --> 00:19:33,210 ...light up. 175 00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:44,570 And now, sir... 176 00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:49,530 ...let me introduce you to Brother Peachy Carnehan, which is him... 177 00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:54,210 ...and Brother Daniel Dravot, which is I. 178 00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:59,050 The less said about our jobs, the better. We've been most things. 179 00:19:59,210 --> 00:20:04,050 We've been all over India. We know her cities, jungles, jails and passes. 180 00:20:04,210 --> 00:20:07,330 We have decided she isn't big enough for us. 181 00:20:07,490 --> 00:20:09,450 The commissioner said that. 182 00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:11,610 We're going to another place... 183 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:15,330 ...where a man isn't crowded and can come into his own. 184 00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:19,050 We're not little men, so we're going away to be kings. 185 00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:22,850 - Kings of Kafiristan. - Oh, Kafiristan. 186 00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:27,650 We hear they have two and 30 idols there. So we'll be the 33rd and 34th. 187 00:20:28,170 --> 00:20:32,490 It's a place of warring tribes, meaning a land of opportunity... 188 00:20:32,650 --> 00:20:35,850 ...for such who can train and lead men in battle. 189 00:20:36,050 --> 00:20:38,930 We'll go there and say to any chief we find: 190 00:20:39,090 --> 00:20:43,090 "Want to vanquish your foes?" He'll say, "Of course, do it." 191 00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:46,850 We'll fight for him, make him king and then subvert him. 192 00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:50,730 We'll seize his royal throne and loot the country. 193 00:20:50,970 --> 00:20:53,410 How's that for a plan? 194 00:20:54,290 --> 00:20:56,930 You're both out of your minds! 195 00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:00,970 To start with... 196 00:21:01,890 --> 00:21:06,650 ...the only way to get there is through Af ghanistan. 197 00:21:07,330 --> 00:21:09,970 Kafiristan? No, no, no. 198 00:21:10,130 --> 00:21:15,970 Two white men would be cut to pieces five miles into the Khyber Pass. 199 00:21:16,170 --> 00:21:19,450 Just suppose we managed it. Just suppose. 200 00:21:19,610 --> 00:21:23,210 And suppose we got across the Af ghan plains, then what? 201 00:21:23,370 --> 00:21:28,850 There's the Hindu Kush, a f rozen sea of peaks and glaciers. 202 00:21:29,010 --> 00:21:33,930 A party of geographers tried several years ago and vanished into thin air. 203 00:21:34,090 --> 00:21:38,490 No white man has ever been there and come out since Alexander. 204 00:21:38,650 --> 00:21:40,530 Alexander who? 205 00:21:40,690 --> 00:21:44,730 Alexander the Great, king of Greece. 300 years before Christ. 206 00:21:44,890 --> 00:21:47,690 If a Greek can do it, we can do it. 207 00:21:47,850 --> 00:21:49,210 Right. 208 00:21:50,290 --> 00:21:54,210 I can only repeat, you're a pair of lunatics! 209 00:21:54,370 --> 00:21:58,890 Would a pair of lunatics draw up a contract like this? 210 00:22:00,490 --> 00:22:05,170 "This contract between us, pursuing and witnesseth in the name of God. 211 00:22:05,330 --> 00:22:10,010 One: We will settle this together, i.e., to be kings of Kafiristan. 212 00:22:10,170 --> 00:22:14,330 Two: We will not, while this is being settled, look at liquor... 213 00:22:14,490 --> 00:22:18,970 ...or any woman, so as to get mix ed up with one or the other harmf ul. 214 00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:21,890 Three: We act with dignity and discretion. 215 00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:26,730 If one is in trouble, the other stays by him. Signed by us this day." 216 00:22:26,890 --> 00:22:31,130 There's no need for the last article, but it's got a ring to it. 217 00:22:31,770 --> 00:22:33,250 Daniel. 218 00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:07,850 Now, you witness it and it's legal. 219 00:23:23,130 --> 00:23:27,130 Well, gentlemen, it's 4 in the morning. 220 00:23:27,290 --> 00:23:33,050 Don't stand on politeness. If you want to go to bed, we won't steal anything. 221 00:23:33,210 --> 00:23:34,250 Thank you. 222 00:23:34,450 --> 00:23:39,050 We'll send word when we're ready to go, if you want to say goodbye. 223 00:23:39,250 --> 00:23:43,290 Yes. Well, try not to burn the place down. 224 00:23:47,410 --> 00:23:49,210 Here we are. 225 00:23:50,130 --> 00:23:54,650 "Kafiristan. 10, 000 square miles. Mountainous terrain. 226 00:23:54,810 --> 00:23:57,690 Religion unknown. Population unknown. 227 00:23:57,850 --> 00:24:01,610 Conquered by Alexander in 328 B.C. 228 00:24:01,770 --> 00:24:07,290 According to Herodotus, he defeated King Oxyartes... 229 00:24:07,450 --> 00:24:13,130 ...whose daughter Roxanne he subsequently took to wife." 230 00:24:22,090 --> 00:24:24,610 You buy from me, I give you good price. 231 00:24:24,770 --> 00:24:28,970 Very cheap, very nice things for you, especially for you, sir. 232 00:24:46,370 --> 00:24:50,810 Our forward continuance is impeded by this fellow, who is begging... 233 00:24:50,970 --> 00:24:55,810 ...you will accompany him that he may show you a rare and wonderf ul thing. 234 00:24:55,970 --> 00:24:58,970 - What thing? - He would not say what thing. 235 00:24:59,130 --> 00:25:02,130 Therefore, I suspect his bad intentions... 236 00:25:02,290 --> 00:25:05,530 ...to entice you into a house of disreputation... 237 00:25:05,690 --> 00:25:08,890 ...where he will take you, kill you, murder you... 238 00:25:09,090 --> 00:25:13,010 ...cut your throat and rob the money from your pockets also. 239 00:25:13,170 --> 00:25:14,730 Crikey! 240 00:25:14,890 --> 00:25:17,330 - Wait at the office! - Sir, please! 241 00:25:17,490 --> 00:25:20,530 Myself, I will take you to a loving house. 242 00:25:20,690 --> 00:25:23,530 You will be very happy and delightf ul... 243 00:25:50,770 --> 00:25:52,650 Morning to you, brother. 244 00:25:52,850 --> 00:25:56,130 Glad you caught the performance. What do you think? 245 00:25:56,330 --> 00:25:59,850 It's convincing, but what are you rascals up to now? 246 00:26:00,050 --> 00:26:03,810 Last week it was kings you were to be, of Kafiristan. 247 00:26:03,970 --> 00:26:08,170 - We've gotta get there first. - Madness is a trick. 248 00:26:08,330 --> 00:26:11,610 Who'd hurt some poor crazy priest and his servant? 249 00:26:11,810 --> 00:26:14,890 Peachy worked this out. We've used it before. 250 00:26:15,050 --> 00:26:16,970 He talks, while I act dumb. 251 00:26:17,130 --> 00:26:19,090 I can clown pretty good now. 252 00:26:19,250 --> 00:26:22,370 I can twitch to put the fear into any good Muslim. 253 00:26:22,530 --> 00:26:24,970 I can f roth at the mouth. Want to see? 254 00:26:25,170 --> 00:26:28,770 - I can imagine. - All right, some other time perhaps. 255 00:26:29,090 --> 00:26:30,970 Come over here. 256 00:26:35,490 --> 00:26:38,490 Give it a touch-up down here. 257 00:26:41,050 --> 00:26:44,330 - Rifles? - Twenty Martinis, and ammunition. 258 00:26:44,530 --> 00:26:48,050 Cost us every sou we got out of the rajah of Degumber. 259 00:26:48,210 --> 00:26:51,410 Good heavens! You mean you went back there? 260 00:26:51,570 --> 00:26:53,370 Of course, Brother Kipling. 261 00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:56,170 God help you if you're caught with those! 262 00:26:56,330 --> 00:26:59,450 Gunrunning isn't exactly new to us. 263 00:26:59,610 --> 00:27:03,370 Well, Brother Kipling, goodbye and many thanks. 264 00:27:03,530 --> 00:27:06,490 Man, don't do it! 265 00:27:06,650 --> 00:27:08,570 The odds are too great. 266 00:27:08,730 --> 00:27:12,490 Wish us luck. We met upon the level. 267 00:27:12,650 --> 00:27:15,410 And we're parting on the square. 268 00:27:16,730 --> 00:27:18,570 Good luck, indeed. 269 00:27:24,450 --> 00:27:27,490 Come along, you ugly beast. 270 00:27:32,610 --> 00:27:33,970 Wait! 271 00:27:37,050 --> 00:27:40,410 Here. Take this. 272 00:28:00,730 --> 00:28:05,810 Last time Danny and me came through the Khyber Pass, we fought our way... 273 00:28:05,970 --> 00:28:08,090 ...yard by bloody yard... 274 00:28:08,250 --> 00:28:11,530 ...and General Bobbs called us heroes afterwards. 275 00:28:11,730 --> 00:28:14,690 But that was years ago. Times have changed. 276 00:28:14,850 --> 00:28:19,290 - Blast! Look who's on sentry! - Mulvaney! 277 00:28:19,650 --> 00:28:22,530 That loudmouthed mick from the Black Tyrone! 278 00:28:22,690 --> 00:28:27,050 Private Mulvaney! Come to attention when I am addressing you! 279 00:28:27,250 --> 00:28:29,210 Slope arms! 280 00:28:30,650 --> 00:28:33,690 Present! March! 281 00:28:35,090 --> 00:28:37,210 Mark time! 282 00:28:37,370 --> 00:28:39,730 At the double! 283 00:28:45,330 --> 00:28:47,970 Corporal of the guard! 284 00:28:48,690 --> 00:28:52,130 Take three men and put Private Mulvaney under arrest! 285 00:28:52,330 --> 00:28:54,770 Bloody man's drunk again! 286 00:28:54,930 --> 00:28:57,970 We came through the Khyber with that caravan... 287 00:28:58,130 --> 00:29:01,370 ...doing all sorts of antics to amuse the people. 288 00:29:01,530 --> 00:29:05,890 At night, he told them their fortunes in a tongue of his own... 289 00:29:06,050 --> 00:29:07,690 ...and I translated. 290 00:29:07,850 --> 00:29:09,890 And all concerned were happy... 291 00:29:10,090 --> 00:29:14,650 ...because I promised them all their wishes would come true. 292 00:29:26,210 --> 00:29:30,970 Then at Jaedallak we turned off towards Kafiristan. 293 00:29:31,650 --> 00:29:36,090 They were sad to see us leave the caravan. We'd brought it good luck. 294 00:29:36,290 --> 00:29:42,050 Two she-camels had foaled and there was no sniping at us from the hills. 295 00:29:43,370 --> 00:29:46,970 They waved goodbye to the mad priest and his servant. 296 00:29:47,130 --> 00:29:50,730 And Danny danced them out of sight. 297 00:30:01,530 --> 00:30:06,210 The country was deserty. The inhabitants were dispersed, solitary. 298 00:30:06,410 --> 00:30:09,610 We travelled by night and kept away from villages. 299 00:30:09,770 --> 00:30:14,010 We didn't want to waste ammunition in idle fighting with Afghans. 300 00:30:57,930 --> 00:30:59,930 The Pushtukan. 301 00:31:01,290 --> 00:31:06,450 A wavy blue line on the map, but we couldn't hope to get camels across. 302 00:31:06,770 --> 00:31:11,450 So Peachy says, "It doesn't matter what they cost... 303 00:31:11,650 --> 00:31:15,930 ...we'll trade them for goats. We're playing for high stakes. " 304 00:31:16,170 --> 00:31:20,930 Major McCrimmon bet me 10 bob he could blow up a goat skin in one breath. 305 00:31:21,130 --> 00:31:25,650 He did. Though he'd sat down on an anthill in his kilt unknowing. 306 00:31:25,850 --> 00:31:28,730 Ten shillings was ten shillings to McCrimmon! 307 00:31:58,930 --> 00:32:00,450 Mules. 308 00:32:02,410 --> 00:32:05,290 Now, the problem is... 309 00:32:06,130 --> 00:32:10,290 ...how to divide five Af ghans from three mules... 310 00:32:10,530 --> 00:32:13,890 - ...and have two Englishmen left over. - Shoot them. 311 00:32:14,130 --> 00:32:17,890 No. The mules would bolt. 312 00:32:21,610 --> 00:32:24,450 Sit over there, Danny. 313 00:34:41,450 --> 00:34:45,610 So we starts forward into those bitter cold mountainous parts... 314 00:34:45,810 --> 00:34:49,570 ...and never a path broader than the back of your hand. 315 00:34:57,650 --> 00:35:00,610 The mountains was tall and white... 316 00:35:01,130 --> 00:35:04,050 ...like wild rams, they was always fighting... 317 00:35:04,250 --> 00:35:07,850 ...so you couldn't sleep for the din of their fighting. 318 00:35:32,330 --> 00:35:34,610 For God's sake, Danny, pipe down. 319 00:35:34,890 --> 00:35:38,930 - Why? Who's going to hear us? - These mountains, that's who. 320 00:35:39,130 --> 00:35:43,490 - You wanna start an avalanche? - You don't believe that, I hope. 321 00:35:43,730 --> 00:35:47,410 If a king can't sing, it ain't worth being king. 322 00:35:50,370 --> 00:35:52,330 The country was mountainous... 323 00:35:52,570 --> 00:35:56,530 ...and the mules was most contrary. They all died but one. 324 00:35:56,770 --> 00:35:59,210 And she died later on. 325 00:35:59,730 --> 00:36:04,250 Danny went snow-blind and clung to jenny's tail. 326 00:36:04,930 --> 00:36:08,530 Up and up we went, and down and down. 327 00:36:08,770 --> 00:36:13,290 Through defiles and over snowy saddles till all at once... 328 00:36:13,930 --> 00:36:16,970 ...two giants stood in our way. 329 00:36:22,770 --> 00:36:24,890 God's holy trousers. 330 00:36:25,130 --> 00:36:26,690 What's the matter? 331 00:36:26,890 --> 00:36:31,450 Blokes twice our size standing guarding the snow, like. Two of them. 332 00:36:31,690 --> 00:36:33,970 Give them a round apiece. 333 00:36:42,250 --> 00:36:44,370 Not a move out of them. 334 00:36:44,810 --> 00:36:46,650 Stay put. 335 00:36:46,850 --> 00:36:49,050 I'll reconnoitre. 336 00:36:56,850 --> 00:36:58,810 They're not real, thank God. 337 00:36:59,090 --> 00:37:00,570 They're horrible. 338 00:37:02,450 --> 00:37:05,970 Put there by the Kafiris to f righten the neighbours. 339 00:37:06,450 --> 00:37:10,570 Peachy, that means we're in Kafiristan. Or almost. 340 00:37:11,210 --> 00:37:13,330 So it does. 341 00:37:14,930 --> 00:37:19,290 - What was that? - Our bridges have been burned. 342 00:37:19,530 --> 00:37:20,730 What do you mean? 343 00:37:21,250 --> 00:37:24,330 The bridge we crossed by ain't there no longer. 344 00:37:25,050 --> 00:37:26,730 God. 345 00:37:41,730 --> 00:37:43,530 Now what? 346 00:37:43,970 --> 00:37:46,170 - Tell me. - A crevasse. 347 00:37:46,810 --> 00:37:49,570 We've had it, Danny. Coming and going! 348 00:37:49,810 --> 00:37:51,610 - Wide? - Wide enough! 349 00:37:51,890 --> 00:37:56,090 It drops into nothing below, straight as a beggar can spit! 350 00:37:58,930 --> 00:38:03,850 That's the last of them, Peachy. No more gods to burn. 351 00:38:04,890 --> 00:38:07,970 It looks like last post, Danny. 352 00:38:09,450 --> 00:38:13,890 I don't fancy dying by inches. Feeling the cold creeping up my limbs. 353 00:38:14,090 --> 00:38:18,050 - Getting all numb. - I'll do the necessary... 354 00:38:18,250 --> 00:38:21,370 - ...when the fire goes out. - Fair enough. 355 00:38:22,890 --> 00:38:24,250 Bloody shame. 356 00:38:24,810 --> 00:38:27,370 Getting this close and not making it. 357 00:38:28,810 --> 00:38:32,330 A stone's throw away, our kingdom. 358 00:38:34,130 --> 00:38:38,450 I'd have liked to seen you, Danny, with a gold crown on your head. 359 00:38:38,650 --> 00:38:41,930 If you could've found one that fitted it. 360 00:38:44,090 --> 00:38:47,850 Peachy, in your opinion... 361 00:38:48,050 --> 00:38:51,330 ...have our lives been misspent? 362 00:38:52,290 --> 00:38:55,450 Well, that depends on how you look at it. 363 00:38:55,650 --> 00:38:58,490 The world's not a better place because of us. 364 00:38:58,690 --> 00:38:59,890 No, hardly that. 365 00:39:00,130 --> 00:39:04,490 - Nobody's gonna weep at our demise. - And who'd want them to? 366 00:39:04,730 --> 00:39:08,250 And we haven't many good deeds to our credit. 367 00:39:08,490 --> 00:39:12,010 None. None to brag about. 368 00:39:12,450 --> 00:39:14,650 But how many have been where we've been... 369 00:39:14,890 --> 00:39:18,850 - ...and seen what we've seen? - Bloody few. And that's a fact. 370 00:39:19,050 --> 00:39:23,290 Even now, I wouldn't change places with the viceroy himself... 371 00:39:23,490 --> 00:39:27,650 - ...if it meant giving up my memories. - Me neither. 372 00:39:28,410 --> 00:39:32,770 Remember the time the Highlanders was retreating down the hill... 373 00:39:33,010 --> 00:39:38,330 ...at Ali Masjit and Pipe Major McCrimmon got his sporran shot off? 374 00:39:38,650 --> 00:39:40,610 Half a crown was in it, right? 375 00:39:40,810 --> 00:39:45,570 So he goes after it without checking to see if that was all he'd lost! 376 00:39:45,850 --> 00:39:48,290 And then he got the Victoria Cross... 377 00:39:48,490 --> 00:39:51,730 ...because the Highlanders followed him up the hill! 378 00:40:38,010 --> 00:40:41,850 Danny, we can get on! 379 00:41:06,570 --> 00:41:08,290 Kafiristan. 380 00:41:09,330 --> 00:41:11,250 The promised land. 381 00:43:01,490 --> 00:43:04,090 Must be their Halloween. 382 00:43:13,690 --> 00:43:16,210 Upsadaisy, lad. 383 00:43:30,130 --> 00:43:34,170 Brass band and all. Hail the conquering heroes. 384 00:43:43,770 --> 00:43:46,850 Bloody cheek. Where's their gratitude? 385 00:43:47,090 --> 00:43:50,090 I say! I say there! 386 00:43:50,290 --> 00:43:52,170 Are you Englishmen, please? 387 00:43:53,210 --> 00:43:56,490 Stone the bleeding crows! Yes, mate. 388 00:43:57,130 --> 00:44:00,330 - And who might you be? - You just wait one jiffy. 389 00:44:21,330 --> 00:44:23,210 Peachy, it's a Gurkha. 390 00:44:24,130 --> 00:44:28,490 Rifleman Machendra Gurung. Known to my regiment as Billy Fish. 391 00:44:28,730 --> 00:44:31,490 Is that right? Well, report, rifleman. 392 00:44:31,730 --> 00:44:33,850 What are you doing here? Wherever here is. 393 00:44:34,410 --> 00:44:38,090 - I come with Colonel Robertson, sir. - The geographer? 394 00:44:38,370 --> 00:44:40,170 Oh, dear me, alas, by Jove. 395 00:44:40,410 --> 00:44:43,770 Party not reaching Er-Heb for very misfortunate reasons. 396 00:44:44,010 --> 00:44:47,050 Large mountain is falling on everyone. 397 00:44:47,410 --> 00:44:51,090 Everybody buried alive ex cept your servant. 398 00:44:51,650 --> 00:44:54,890 What about them up there banging drums... 399 00:44:55,130 --> 00:44:57,490 ...and then shooting arrows at us? 400 00:44:57,730 --> 00:45:00,090 Big noise to scare away devils! 401 00:45:00,330 --> 00:45:04,290 - Many devils here these days. - They thought we was devils? 402 00:45:04,530 --> 00:45:06,650 Kafiristan peoples very ignorant. 403 00:45:06,850 --> 00:45:11,530 I say to head man Ootah, I say, "Oh, no, by Jove, they're not devils... 404 00:45:11,770 --> 00:45:14,450 ...they're Gorasahibs. British soldiers." 405 00:45:14,650 --> 00:45:16,010 Good man, Billy Fish. 406 00:45:16,450 --> 00:45:19,610 And now, if you'll take us to this Ootah bloke... 407 00:45:19,810 --> 00:45:22,490 ...we will begin his education. 408 00:45:38,210 --> 00:45:41,490 People of Er-Heb, do not fear. 409 00:45:41,730 --> 00:45:45,850 They are our f riends, not our enemies. 410 00:45:46,090 --> 00:45:49,450 Do you understand? Do not fear. 411 00:45:49,650 --> 00:45:52,650 There is no need to fear. They're our f riends. 412 00:45:55,730 --> 00:46:00,650 Why are you so af raid? People of Er-Heb, do not fear! 413 00:46:00,930 --> 00:46:03,690 They're from England! British soldiers! 414 00:46:03,930 --> 00:46:06,450 White men. Do not be af raid. 415 00:46:06,690 --> 00:46:08,490 Ootah! 416 00:46:08,770 --> 00:46:10,290 Come on down. 417 00:46:10,530 --> 00:46:15,450 No need to be af raid. They're white men. Ootah! 418 00:46:16,290 --> 00:46:18,410 Come down! 419 00:46:20,490 --> 00:46:23,250 Don't be af raid. 420 00:46:38,490 --> 00:46:41,490 Tell him we won't hurt him, not to worry. 421 00:46:59,210 --> 00:47:01,650 He wants to know where you come from. 422 00:47:01,850 --> 00:47:04,770 Tell him we tumbled from the skies. 423 00:47:10,610 --> 00:47:12,490 He wants to know, are you gods? 424 00:47:12,730 --> 00:47:16,810 Not gods, Englishmen, which is the next best thing. 425 00:47:20,930 --> 00:47:23,690 I ofttimes tell Ootah about Englishmans. 426 00:47:23,930 --> 00:47:26,650 How they name dogs, take off hats to womans... 427 00:47:26,850 --> 00:47:30,610 ...and march left, right with rifles on their shoulders. 428 00:47:30,850 --> 00:47:34,610 Bringing enlightenment to the darker regions of the earth. 429 00:47:36,290 --> 00:47:39,250 He wants to know how rifle works. 430 00:47:43,770 --> 00:47:45,450 Show him, Peachy. 431 00:47:57,690 --> 00:48:01,210 We are not gods, exactly, but we are heaven-sent... 432 00:48:01,450 --> 00:48:04,370 ...to deliver you from your enemies. 433 00:48:09,810 --> 00:48:12,410 Enemies all around. 434 00:48:13,090 --> 00:48:16,370 The Bashkai are the worst. 435 00:48:19,530 --> 00:48:23,570 All town comes out and pisses downstream when we go bathing. 436 00:48:23,810 --> 00:48:25,610 Shocking! 437 00:48:27,530 --> 00:48:30,050 They are always stealing our womans. 438 00:48:31,130 --> 00:48:32,690 Putting on masks. 439 00:48:35,490 --> 00:48:38,090 And so our head chap is thinking them devils... 440 00:48:38,250 --> 00:48:43,530 - ...and running like bloody hell away. - War! Red war we'll give them. 441 00:48:45,410 --> 00:48:49,410 He give you two goats for each Bashkai man you're killing. 442 00:48:52,810 --> 00:48:55,170 One goat for each womans and childs. 443 00:48:55,370 --> 00:48:58,570 Rather than knock them over one at a time... 444 00:48:58,770 --> 00:49:00,650 ...we'd like to do it in one fell swoop. 445 00:49:00,890 --> 00:49:06,090 Serve him up a proper victory. Storm Bashkai, take the city. 446 00:49:10,330 --> 00:49:12,050 He says, "How much?" 447 00:49:12,290 --> 00:49:16,810 Only the honour of leading the brave men of Er-Heb into battle. 448 00:49:22,170 --> 00:49:24,450 And what we fancy in souvenirs. 449 00:49:25,210 --> 00:49:30,890 - A bauble here and a bangle there. - Bashkai is only the beginning. 450 00:49:31,130 --> 00:49:35,970 We hope to go on from victory to victory until he runs out of enemies. 451 00:49:37,210 --> 00:49:40,210 And a monarch of all you survey. 452 00:49:43,970 --> 00:49:48,570 - All he surveys? - From the highest place in the valley. 453 00:49:49,850 --> 00:49:53,370 The mountains will echo your name. 454 00:49:55,890 --> 00:50:00,130 Ootah the Great! 455 00:50:06,450 --> 00:50:08,650 Oh, he says he prefers "Ootah the Terrible." 456 00:50:08,930 --> 00:50:12,690 Then Ootah the Terrible it shall be. 457 00:50:18,090 --> 00:50:21,450 And take him in token of our earnest. 458 00:50:24,770 --> 00:50:28,290 And now the womans of Er-Heb will cut his bollocks off! 459 00:50:28,570 --> 00:50:31,530 Couldn't happen in a better cause. 460 00:51:17,610 --> 00:51:19,250 - Contract. - Contract. 461 00:51:28,010 --> 00:51:30,770 Ootah say, "You, you no like?" 462 00:51:31,010 --> 00:51:36,730 Tell him we've given up strong drink until we've conquered all his enemies. 463 00:51:45,450 --> 00:51:47,970 Boil them once or twice in hot water... 464 00:51:48,170 --> 00:51:50,690 ...and they'll come out like chicken and ham. 465 00:51:50,890 --> 00:51:53,890 You wouldn't know them from the Gaiety Chorus. 466 00:51:57,250 --> 00:52:01,930 - Ootah says, "Take your pick." - He does? 467 00:52:03,930 --> 00:52:09,450 Oh, tell His Majesty one's prettier than another. I couldn't choose. 468 00:52:09,650 --> 00:52:13,850 Take as many as you like. There are more where they came from. 469 00:52:14,050 --> 00:52:15,690 He has 27 daughters. 470 00:52:15,890 --> 00:52:19,410 They're his daughters? His own daughters? 471 00:52:19,690 --> 00:52:23,530 - Dirty old brute! - Different countries, different customs. 472 00:52:23,730 --> 00:52:26,170 Mustn't be prejudiced, Peachy. 473 00:52:26,410 --> 00:52:31,010 Tell His Majesty we've also taken a vow not to dally with females... 474 00:52:31,210 --> 00:52:34,570 ...till all his enemies are vanquished. 475 00:52:43,170 --> 00:52:47,610 He has 32 sons if you're liking boys. 476 00:52:49,250 --> 00:52:51,130 Tell him he makes my gorge rise! 477 00:52:51,410 --> 00:52:56,250 Hold on, Peachy, he's only being hospitable according to his likes. 478 00:53:03,970 --> 00:53:05,250 Polo! 479 00:53:34,330 --> 00:53:37,130 Everything's the same. The ball's bigger. 480 00:53:37,450 --> 00:53:40,890 - Is the ball always that big? - Depends on size of head. 481 00:53:41,130 --> 00:53:45,610 Big head, big ball. This here Bashkai man. Big damn head. 482 00:53:45,810 --> 00:53:47,530 The bloody heathens. 483 00:53:47,770 --> 00:53:52,090 Different countries, different customs. Mustn't be prejudiced. 484 00:53:53,530 --> 00:53:56,290 Now, listen to me, you benighted muckers. 485 00:53:58,530 --> 00:54:02,450 We're gonna teach you soldiering, the noblest profession. 486 00:54:03,730 --> 00:54:09,490 When we're done, you'll be able to slaughter enemies like civilized men! 487 00:54:09,690 --> 00:54:13,730 But first, you'll have to learn to march in step... 488 00:54:13,970 --> 00:54:17,490 ...do the manual of arms without having to think. 489 00:54:17,690 --> 00:54:22,090 Good soldiers don't think, they just obey. 490 00:54:23,050 --> 00:54:27,130 You think if a man thought twice, he'd die for his country? 491 00:54:27,330 --> 00:54:31,010 Not bloody likely! He wouldn't go near the battlefield! 492 00:54:31,370 --> 00:54:34,330 One look at your foolish faces... 493 00:54:34,570 --> 00:54:38,090 ...tells me you're going to be crack troops. 494 00:54:38,330 --> 00:54:42,570 Him there with a 51I2 hat size has the makings of a bloody hero. 495 00:54:51,450 --> 00:54:55,610 Timing in the British Army has always been: "One, two, three." 496 00:54:56,330 --> 00:54:57,930 One, two, three. 497 00:55:00,210 --> 00:55:03,490 Say after me, "One, two, three." 498 00:55:06,210 --> 00:55:09,410 Wait. Ready, steady, go. 499 00:55:09,890 --> 00:55:11,570 One, two, three. 500 00:55:11,810 --> 00:55:14,770 One, two, three. 501 00:55:14,970 --> 00:55:20,130 Say it at the same time as the others. Tell him to say it at the same time! 502 00:55:23,130 --> 00:55:24,690 Right. Go! 503 00:55:24,890 --> 00:55:26,450 One, two, three. 504 00:55:26,770 --> 00:55:28,290 One, two, three. 505 00:55:28,490 --> 00:55:31,530 Billy, tell him to say it with the others! 506 00:55:32,170 --> 00:55:35,690 One, two, three. Right. Now ready, steady, go. 507 00:55:35,930 --> 00:55:37,410 One, two, three. 508 00:55:37,650 --> 00:55:40,890 No! He's saying it before the others, Billy. 509 00:55:41,090 --> 00:55:44,930 Not before them, not after them, with them! 510 00:55:45,290 --> 00:55:48,650 Right. Attention! 511 00:55:49,250 --> 00:55:51,370 No. You, look... 512 00:55:53,170 --> 00:55:58,010 That one goes to there! Say that one goes to there! That's it! 513 00:55:59,250 --> 00:56:00,970 Down there, like that. 514 00:56:01,170 --> 00:56:03,890 There. There we are. Okay? Right. 515 00:56:21,970 --> 00:56:24,730 Come on, smarten up, you horrible lot! 516 00:56:24,970 --> 00:56:26,730 Attention! 517 00:56:26,970 --> 00:56:28,490 That's better. 518 00:56:28,730 --> 00:56:31,490 Troops, march! 519 00:56:33,970 --> 00:56:37,090 By the left. Quick. March! 520 00:56:37,290 --> 00:56:41,690 Left. Left. Left, right, left. 521 00:56:52,770 --> 00:56:56,370 Wait. You're a handsome piece, that I don't deny... 522 00:56:56,650 --> 00:57:00,730 ...but the contract states the party of the first part, Danny... 523 00:57:00,970 --> 00:57:04,930 ...and the party of the second part, which is me... 524 00:57:05,170 --> 00:57:07,890 ...shall nowise compromise ourselves... 525 00:57:08,090 --> 00:57:11,290 ...with parties of the third part, which is you. 526 00:57:11,490 --> 00:57:13,690 All binding, properly sworn to... 527 00:57:14,250 --> 00:57:17,450 ...witnessed and attested. 528 00:57:18,490 --> 00:57:20,490 - Danny! - So! 529 00:57:21,250 --> 00:57:23,530 Thank God you arrived. 530 00:57:23,770 --> 00:57:26,210 Let's go seek safety in battle. 531 00:57:52,650 --> 00:57:55,330 Trumpeter, sound your trumpet! 532 00:58:26,770 --> 00:58:28,370 Billy Fish. 533 00:58:30,970 --> 00:58:34,490 Blood is what we want. The bloodier, the better. 534 00:58:34,690 --> 00:58:36,570 So it shall be! 535 00:58:39,490 --> 00:58:42,770 Like old times, Peachy. Reminds me of Ali Majid. 536 00:58:43,010 --> 00:58:46,090 It's a good job the odds are only 10 to 1. 537 00:58:57,530 --> 00:58:58,890 Halt! 538 00:59:03,090 --> 00:59:06,090 Line up in a straight line here. 539 00:59:23,730 --> 00:59:25,690 Present! 540 00:59:26,770 --> 00:59:28,490 Aim! 541 00:59:56,850 --> 00:59:58,490 Who are they? 542 00:59:58,690 --> 01:00:00,210 What's happening? 543 01:00:00,450 --> 01:00:01,930 Very holy men. 544 01:00:02,170 --> 01:00:06,690 They walk through Kafiristan collecting offerings for Holy City. 545 01:00:07,650 --> 01:00:12,010 Battle is postponed until priests have passed. 546 01:00:13,490 --> 01:00:17,690 - Why are their eyes closed? - They don't wish to see any badness... 547 01:00:17,890 --> 01:00:23,250 ...so keep eyes closed until they return to beauties of Sikandergul. 548 01:00:51,930 --> 01:00:53,290 Fire! 549 01:00:56,370 --> 01:00:58,250 Aim! Fire! 550 01:01:03,170 --> 01:01:06,090 Charge! Come on. 551 01:01:07,130 --> 01:01:10,410 Oh, that great bloody showoff! 552 01:01:10,650 --> 01:01:15,170 Rifle section, form line! Fix bayonets! 553 01:01:34,770 --> 01:01:36,810 Advance! 554 01:01:37,050 --> 01:01:40,090 Volley fire! Commence! 555 01:01:40,570 --> 01:01:42,450 Charge! 556 01:03:17,170 --> 01:03:21,610 What did you think you were playing at charging single-handed? 557 01:03:21,850 --> 01:03:26,450 - I got carried away. Blood was up. - Acting like a green lieutenant... 558 01:03:26,690 --> 01:03:29,610 ...hoping to be mentioned in dispatches! 559 01:03:29,850 --> 01:03:31,890 - You ought to be ashamed! - Sorry. 560 01:03:32,170 --> 01:03:35,290 Supposing you got killed. Where would I be at? 561 01:03:35,450 --> 01:03:37,890 - Won't happen again. - See it don't! 562 01:03:38,130 --> 01:03:42,090 - Why are you carrying that arrow? - No particular reason. 563 01:03:48,690 --> 01:03:50,010 Hold on! 564 01:03:50,250 --> 01:03:51,890 What's he up to? 565 01:04:03,090 --> 01:04:06,610 He say he win this big battle. According to custom... 566 01:04:06,850 --> 01:04:09,410 - ...he lop off their heads. - Great warrior? 567 01:04:09,610 --> 01:04:12,490 I never saw him in the thick of the f ray. 568 01:04:12,690 --> 01:04:15,650 There's no prisoner ex ecutions in this army. 569 01:04:15,850 --> 01:04:18,290 Tell him to put that sword away. 570 01:04:22,890 --> 01:04:26,330 He says once sword unsheathed, it must taste blood. 571 01:04:26,570 --> 01:04:30,090 Just as I thought. He hasn't had it out until now! 572 01:04:34,930 --> 01:04:39,290 He says watch out or he get very angry and lop your head off. 573 01:04:50,850 --> 01:04:54,210 All right. Up you get. Off your hunkers. 574 01:04:54,450 --> 01:04:57,250 No more grovelling. 575 01:04:57,450 --> 01:04:59,570 We aren't gonna torch your city... 576 01:04:59,770 --> 01:05:03,290 ...or hang you in chains, nor rape your daughters. 577 01:05:04,770 --> 01:05:10,290 Tell them to divide their goods in half and we will choose which half we want. 578 01:05:14,530 --> 01:05:19,530 Henceforth, let the men of Er-Heb and the men of Bashkai be as brothers. 579 01:05:20,250 --> 01:05:21,770 Brothers in arms. 580 01:05:22,170 --> 01:05:26,930 Let them march under one banner and share in the victories to come. 581 01:05:32,690 --> 01:05:36,290 Have the Bashkai any enemies to speak of? 582 01:05:38,690 --> 01:05:40,490 Oh, enemies all around! 583 01:05:40,770 --> 01:05:44,050 Bhardoks, Ghundaras, Shus, Khawaks. 584 01:05:46,650 --> 01:05:51,130 The Bhardoks piss downstream on Bashkai people when they bathe. 585 01:05:51,370 --> 01:05:52,330 Shocking! 586 01:05:52,570 --> 01:05:55,690 We'll strike them and grind them into dust! 587 01:06:01,330 --> 01:06:04,490 Silver bracelet, 10 shillings. 588 01:06:04,690 --> 01:06:09,050 A good heavy necklace of the same, worth a fiver at least. 589 01:06:09,970 --> 01:06:12,250 Earring with bangles. 590 01:06:12,970 --> 01:06:16,250 One pig sticker with plain handle. 591 01:06:16,850 --> 01:06:20,090 A gold coin worn pretty thin. 592 01:06:21,690 --> 01:06:25,690 A rosy red ring and a few other ones, plain. 593 01:06:25,890 --> 01:06:29,570 All this should fetch 10 or 15 quid in a London shop. 594 01:06:29,810 --> 01:06:32,490 Not too bad for the back of beyond. 595 01:06:33,330 --> 01:06:35,130 Sikander! 596 01:06:35,370 --> 01:06:37,650 They're calling for you. 597 01:06:39,050 --> 01:06:40,890 For me? 598 01:07:01,530 --> 01:07:04,810 Sikander. Sikander. 599 01:07:05,050 --> 01:07:07,690 What does Sikander mean, Billy? 600 01:07:07,970 --> 01:07:11,650 Sikander a god. Come here long ago from the West. 601 01:07:11,890 --> 01:07:14,930 That's the bloke Kipling told us about. 602 01:07:15,170 --> 01:07:16,530 Alexander? 603 01:07:16,770 --> 01:07:18,250 Alexander. Sikander. 604 01:07:19,250 --> 01:07:20,690 Here. 605 01:07:20,890 --> 01:07:23,730 - Alexander. - He builded great city. 606 01:07:23,930 --> 01:07:27,610 Sikandergul, high in mountains. Sit on throne. 607 01:07:27,850 --> 01:07:29,490 All people worship him. 608 01:07:29,690 --> 01:07:33,690 Then one day, time comes, he say he must go to East. 609 01:07:33,890 --> 01:07:36,690 People pull their hair out, tear clothes. 610 01:07:36,890 --> 01:07:40,490 So Sikander promised to send back son. 611 01:07:40,730 --> 01:07:44,010 328 B.C., encyclopaedia said. 612 01:07:45,050 --> 01:07:50,050 They saw arrow go into Danny's chest, him pluck it out, and not bleeding. 613 01:07:51,450 --> 01:07:52,490 So? 614 01:07:52,730 --> 01:07:56,250 So, son of Sikander. 615 01:07:56,690 --> 01:07:58,290 They think I'm a god? 616 01:08:01,690 --> 01:08:06,050 A god! Put your foot out that I may kiss your big toe. 617 01:08:06,730 --> 01:08:10,170 - You may kiss my royal arse. - Not royal, holy! 618 01:08:10,450 --> 01:08:12,890 - You're a deity, remember? - Peachy. 619 01:08:13,090 --> 01:08:16,690 - Yes, Billy? - Is Danny not son of Sikander? 620 01:08:16,970 --> 01:08:21,570 No, he's a man like us. He can break wind at both ends simultaneous. 621 01:08:21,810 --> 01:08:24,530 Which I bet is more than any god can do! 622 01:08:24,730 --> 01:08:26,690 But the arrow. 623 01:08:28,130 --> 01:08:31,210 The arrow stuck in the bandolier. No miracle. 624 01:08:31,410 --> 01:08:36,170 You better tell them. And my dad's name was Herbert Dravot, Esquire... 625 01:08:36,450 --> 01:08:39,130 ...and he was a bar steward in Durham! 626 01:08:39,370 --> 01:08:40,770 Hang on, Danny. 627 01:08:51,770 --> 01:08:54,770 - Maybe we're missing a bet. - What do you mean? 628 01:08:54,970 --> 01:08:57,530 Supposing you was an ignorant Kafiri... 629 01:08:57,730 --> 01:09:00,850 ...who would you rather follow, a god or a man? 630 01:09:01,250 --> 01:09:04,850 Now, we're here to conquer this country, ain't we? 631 01:09:05,130 --> 01:09:10,210 Well, with you as a god, it would take half the time and half the trouble. 632 01:09:10,410 --> 01:09:13,290 The idea is a bit blasphemous like. 633 01:09:13,490 --> 01:09:14,530 No, Danny... 634 01:09:14,770 --> 01:09:19,450 ...blaspheming is when you take his name in vain... 635 01:09:20,570 --> 01:09:22,490 ...God Almighty's. 636 01:09:23,330 --> 01:09:26,410 What if they found out we was having them on? 637 01:09:26,610 --> 01:09:28,210 Why should they? 638 01:09:28,450 --> 01:09:30,650 We won't tell them. 639 01:09:33,570 --> 01:09:38,330 - You won't tell them, will you, Billy? - Oh, no. Indeed, by Jove, no. 640 01:09:44,690 --> 01:09:46,490 Polo. 641 01:09:47,290 --> 01:09:49,090 Polo. 642 01:10:11,330 --> 01:10:14,410 Er-Heb and Bashkai celebrate new brotherhood. 643 01:10:14,610 --> 01:10:16,730 - With whose head? - Ootah's. 644 01:10:28,690 --> 01:10:33,450 We marched and fought and took more villages. Our ranks swelled. 645 01:10:33,690 --> 01:10:38,690 They were well trained, but with Danny at their head, Sikander the Second... 646 01:10:38,890 --> 01:10:40,690 ...they were also inspired. 647 01:11:55,690 --> 01:11:58,530 Sikander! Sikander! 648 01:12:01,290 --> 01:12:05,050 After half a dozen victories, his fame was such... 649 01:12:05,290 --> 01:12:08,730 ...that the fighting stopped. We was met with gifts... 650 01:12:08,970 --> 01:12:13,170 ...and bevies of maidens who danced and threw flowers. 651 01:12:53,570 --> 01:12:55,090 Girl. 652 01:13:11,730 --> 01:13:14,610 Venus de Milo in the flesh, if flesh it is... 653 01:13:14,810 --> 01:13:17,330 ...and not Guinness and champagne. Billy... 654 01:13:17,570 --> 01:13:20,490 ...tell her to stand up and turn around. 655 01:13:29,690 --> 01:13:32,050 Just gazing, Peachy. Just gazing. 656 01:13:33,890 --> 01:13:36,530 Just enjoying beauty for its own sake. 657 01:13:36,730 --> 01:13:40,730 Being only human, one thing leads to another. 658 01:13:40,970 --> 01:13:45,530 Give her a hat with a feather, and no girl in Brighton on bank holiday... 659 01:13:45,730 --> 01:13:47,690 ...could hold a candle to her. 660 01:13:48,250 --> 01:13:50,010 I must admit... 661 01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:52,530 ...she really is an eyef ul. 662 01:13:54,370 --> 01:13:56,490 What's your name, girl? 663 01:13:58,170 --> 01:14:00,210 - Roxanne. - Roxanne. 664 01:14:00,450 --> 01:14:01,650 Here. 665 01:14:01,890 --> 01:14:05,570 Wasn't that the name of the princess Alexander married? 666 01:14:05,810 --> 01:14:07,490 It was that. 667 01:14:14,770 --> 01:14:16,890 Hold your head up. 668 01:14:26,050 --> 01:14:27,770 - Girl af raid. - Of what? 669 01:14:28,370 --> 01:14:32,250 If god takes a girl, she catches fire and go up in smoke. 670 01:14:32,450 --> 01:14:35,890 - They do what? - God's heart, a burning torch. 671 01:14:36,130 --> 01:14:41,810 His veins run fire, not blood. If god makes love to girl she goes: 672 01:14:42,170 --> 01:14:43,530 In one flash. 673 01:14:43,770 --> 01:14:45,170 Not even ashes left. 674 01:14:45,370 --> 01:14:48,130 I bet a jealous goddess made that up. 675 01:15:10,570 --> 01:15:12,690 They come from Sikandergul... 676 01:15:12,970 --> 01:15:16,010 ...with a message for son of Sikander. 677 01:15:16,930 --> 01:15:20,530 They're looking at him, if they opened their eyes. 678 01:15:25,770 --> 01:15:28,210 - The message's from Kafu Selim. - Who? 679 01:15:28,450 --> 01:15:31,370 Kaf u Selim, high priest of Kafiristan. 680 01:15:34,370 --> 01:15:36,570 What's the message? 681 01:15:38,770 --> 01:15:41,050 Kaf u Selim says come. 682 01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:43,290 Come? 683 01:15:43,690 --> 01:15:46,330 - Is that all? - That's all, just come. 684 01:15:46,570 --> 01:15:48,930 Doesn't waste words, does he? 685 01:15:49,130 --> 01:15:53,610 Tell him we appreciate the invitation. We'll avail ourselves of it... 686 01:15:53,810 --> 01:15:56,770 - ...one of these days. - No. Come means "now". 687 01:15:59,570 --> 01:16:02,090 What does he want to see us about? 688 01:16:02,330 --> 01:16:04,450 He just says come. 689 01:16:04,690 --> 01:16:06,130 I see. 690 01:16:06,370 --> 01:16:11,450 All right, tell him to stand by and the army will be ready by first light. 691 01:16:17,570 --> 01:16:20,730 He says, "No! You come alone, him and you." 692 01:16:20,970 --> 01:16:22,610 Without the army? 693 01:16:22,850 --> 01:16:28,290 Tell him Peachy and me don't go anywhere without the army goes with us. 694 01:16:28,490 --> 01:16:30,490 Shut up, Danny. 695 01:16:32,290 --> 01:16:33,890 We have to go. 696 01:16:34,090 --> 01:16:35,570 Have you gone starky? 697 01:16:35,770 --> 01:16:41,090 Keep your voice down and put a smile on your face, we've got an audience. 698 01:16:41,330 --> 01:16:45,930 We'd be stone bonkers to walk into a strange city by our lonesomes. 699 01:16:46,770 --> 01:16:50,130 Either we do what they say or pull stumps and run. 700 01:16:50,370 --> 01:16:54,530 Make a beeline for the mountains and never look back. 701 01:16:54,770 --> 01:16:57,890 Run? Not bloody likely. Run from them? 702 01:16:58,130 --> 01:16:59,330 No... 703 01:16:59,570 --> 01:17:02,930 ...from our blokes. We're over a barrel, Danny. 704 01:17:03,170 --> 01:17:07,850 If we back away from a meeting with old Kaf u Selim, we'll lose face... 705 01:17:08,090 --> 01:17:12,090 ...and that is the one thing a god cannot afford. 706 01:17:12,730 --> 01:17:14,490 What to do? 707 01:17:14,930 --> 01:17:16,490 Bluff it out. 708 01:17:16,690 --> 01:17:21,050 Polish our buttons, stuff ramrods up our jacksies and look bold. 709 01:17:21,290 --> 01:17:26,050 Like we did when we were on charges for drunk and resisting the guard. 710 01:18:14,130 --> 01:18:17,410 - Sikandergul. - God's holy trousers! 711 01:18:52,290 --> 01:18:55,290 No weapons allowed in Holy City. 712 01:20:16,250 --> 01:20:17,530 All right... 713 01:20:17,770 --> 01:20:19,690 ...you got us here. 714 01:20:20,170 --> 01:20:22,090 Now what? 715 01:20:27,730 --> 01:20:30,090 Where's your high panjandrum? 716 01:20:48,490 --> 01:20:51,930 Afternoon, Your Reverence. You wanted to see me? 717 01:21:05,050 --> 01:21:08,890 Tell him he can keep it. I'm making him a present of it. 718 01:21:17,490 --> 01:21:20,770 - What did he say? - He say, "Now we shall see." 719 01:21:26,570 --> 01:21:29,090 You mortals wait down there. 720 01:21:54,170 --> 01:21:57,450 Tell them to take their paws off me double quick... 721 01:21:57,690 --> 01:22:01,570 ...or I'll have their guts for garters! I'll pluck your livers... 722 01:22:01,770 --> 01:22:04,050 ...and feed them to the kites! 723 01:22:04,330 --> 01:22:08,930 How dare you lay your hands on me, Daniel Dravot, Esquire! 724 01:22:12,970 --> 01:22:15,250 Sikander! 725 01:22:45,850 --> 01:22:48,290 Now what the bleeding hell? 726 01:22:49,050 --> 01:22:51,850 One minute he's about to cut my heart out... 727 01:22:52,050 --> 01:22:54,330 ...next minute he's flat on his face! 728 01:22:54,570 --> 01:22:56,530 He saw that... 729 01:22:57,250 --> 01:23:01,330 - ...and dropped like he was poleax ed! - What do you make of it? 730 01:23:02,170 --> 01:23:05,290 He says that is mark of Sikander. 731 01:23:35,970 --> 01:23:37,170 They're Masons! 732 01:23:37,850 --> 01:23:42,250 By the square, level, plumb rule, compasses, the all-seeing eye! 733 01:23:42,450 --> 01:23:43,890 The craft, Danny! 734 01:23:44,250 --> 01:23:47,170 - That's what saved us. - Blimey. 735 01:23:51,090 --> 01:23:54,090 Only highest priest knows about this sign... 736 01:23:54,290 --> 01:23:57,010 ...put in stone long ago by Sikander. 737 01:23:57,170 --> 01:24:01,250 Now, Kaf u Selim rejoicing at the coming of his son. 738 01:28:02,090 --> 01:28:04,450 It ain't brass, Danny. 739 01:28:30,970 --> 01:28:35,490 - Sikander? - Belonged to him, now son of Sikander's. 740 01:28:43,930 --> 01:28:45,450 These here... 741 01:28:45,610 --> 01:28:50,610 ...make jewels in the Tower of London look like cheap family heirlooms. 742 01:29:00,170 --> 01:29:02,810 God's holy trousers! 743 01:29:09,210 --> 01:29:12,170 Look at the size of that ruby! 744 01:29:18,170 --> 01:29:20,730 There's a bigger one. 745 01:29:21,290 --> 01:29:22,890 Why, Danny... 746 01:29:23,050 --> 01:29:28,650 ...we only have to fill our pockets and walk out of here to be millionaires. 747 01:29:28,810 --> 01:29:32,730 And all of it, all... 748 01:29:32,890 --> 01:29:36,090 ...would make us the two richest men in England! 749 01:29:36,250 --> 01:29:38,850 - The empire. - The world. 750 01:29:41,530 --> 01:29:44,210 But will they let us take it? 751 01:29:44,370 --> 01:29:46,810 Take it away, I mean. 752 01:29:49,490 --> 01:29:52,050 Ask him, Billy. 753 01:30:00,250 --> 01:30:04,730 He says, belong to son of Sikander. Can do with it what he likes. 754 01:30:04,890 --> 01:30:07,530 Leave it here, take away, no matter. 755 01:30:07,690 --> 01:30:10,130 His will be done. 756 01:30:10,930 --> 01:30:16,290 We've mules enough, and riflemen to guard them when the time comes. 757 01:30:16,450 --> 01:30:18,330 What month is it? 758 01:30:18,490 --> 01:30:19,850 January, I make it... 759 01:30:20,010 --> 01:30:24,210 ...or maybe February. March, April, May, June... 760 01:30:24,370 --> 01:30:28,050 ...four months of winter monsoon, then... 761 01:30:28,250 --> 01:30:30,970 Four long months! 762 01:30:31,130 --> 01:30:33,410 What'll we do with the time? 763 01:30:33,610 --> 01:30:36,050 Add up our blessings here... 764 01:30:36,250 --> 01:30:38,290 ...divide them by two... 765 01:30:38,450 --> 01:30:41,050 ...not forgetting you, Billy. 766 01:30:42,010 --> 01:30:45,610 And multiply that by the years we got left. 767 01:30:47,250 --> 01:30:48,930 Tell His Reverence... 768 01:30:49,090 --> 01:30:54,410 ...he has my thanks for discharging his trust so correctly... 769 01:30:54,570 --> 01:30:57,170 ...and delivering to me what is mine. 770 01:30:59,770 --> 01:31:04,370 And tell him I'm also gratef ul to all them other holy men... 771 01:31:04,570 --> 01:31:08,090 ...who waited for me, from one generation to another... 772 01:31:08,290 --> 01:31:13,610 ...down the centuries to this present day and fortuitous occasion. 773 01:31:23,810 --> 01:31:29,130 My lord, these people are from village of Kamdesh. 774 01:31:29,290 --> 01:31:33,450 This man owns 60 cows. All cows in the village. 775 01:31:33,770 --> 01:31:39,690 - Very enterprising of him. - Enterprise is not his, it is hers. 776 01:31:39,850 --> 01:31:43,690 She's his wife. Every time he catches her with other man... 777 01:31:43,850 --> 01:31:47,050 ...other man has to pay six cows. Kafiri custom. 778 01:31:47,370 --> 01:31:50,490 Use other man's wife, pay him six cows. 779 01:31:50,650 --> 01:31:53,330 He's piled up a fortune of 60 cows... 780 01:31:53,490 --> 01:31:56,570 - ...out of her infidelities? - And 32 goats. 781 01:31:58,330 --> 01:32:02,090 She ain't a wife. She's a going concern! 782 01:32:03,490 --> 01:32:08,090 And these are the unfaithf ul husbands and these the wives? 783 01:32:08,250 --> 01:32:13,090 Those four, wives of one man. These three, wives of another. 784 01:32:14,930 --> 01:32:17,370 This ain't no laughing matter! 785 01:32:17,530 --> 01:32:21,730 No cattle, there ain't meat nor hides. No milk, there ain't... 786 01:32:21,890 --> 01:32:25,410 ...butter or cheese and the children's bowls go empty. 787 01:32:25,570 --> 01:32:28,090 Outrageous, it is! 788 01:32:28,250 --> 01:32:31,130 Now... 789 01:32:31,290 --> 01:32:35,130 For encouraging his wife to comport herself like Jezebel... 790 01:32:35,290 --> 01:32:39,330 ...one cow shall be paid each of the other wives. 791 01:32:39,490 --> 01:32:42,610 For using a good law for a bad purpose, another. 792 01:32:42,770 --> 01:32:46,210 For causing the young to go without, a third. 793 01:32:46,850 --> 01:32:50,050 For thinking he can get away with it, a fourth. 794 01:32:50,210 --> 01:32:55,530 He shall pay 22 cases of compensation of four cows to each wife. 795 01:32:55,690 --> 01:32:58,530 Which means, she's got... 796 01:33:01,130 --> 01:33:04,890 - Fourteen and two-thirds. - ...more infidelities to commit... 797 01:33:05,050 --> 01:33:07,330 ...to come out even. 798 01:33:07,490 --> 01:33:12,970 Let's see how he likes it when she earns cows for others. Next case. 799 01:33:31,850 --> 01:33:34,050 - What's the charge? - No charge. 800 01:33:34,250 --> 01:33:37,450 This chief from Agatsi which village have fire... 801 01:33:37,610 --> 01:33:41,490 ...and supply of grains go up in smoke. He want permission... 802 01:33:41,650 --> 01:33:44,770 ...to raid another village for to steal grain. 803 01:33:44,930 --> 01:33:49,530 They don't have to raid and they won't starve. Make a proclamation. 804 01:33:49,690 --> 01:33:52,890 - What number is it? - Thirty-one, my lord. 805 01:33:53,090 --> 01:33:56,610 Each village will bring one-tenth of its crop here... 806 01:33:56,770 --> 01:34:01,050 ...to my royal city of Sikandergul where same will be stored. 807 01:34:01,210 --> 01:34:04,890 Henceforth, any village suffering from privation... 808 01:34:05,330 --> 01:34:09,010 ...shall have grain issued in accordance with its needs. 809 01:34:09,290 --> 01:34:12,370 I now pronounce this law enacted. Selah. 810 01:34:12,530 --> 01:34:15,050 I pronounce a recess in this durbar. 811 01:34:15,210 --> 01:34:17,410 - Yes, my lord. - Peachy. 812 01:34:22,330 --> 01:34:26,090 If we're gonna make it stick that I'm a god... 813 01:34:26,290 --> 01:34:31,130 ...you ought to bow when you pass in f ront of me like everybody else. 814 01:34:33,690 --> 01:34:35,810 - All right, Danny. - Understand? 815 01:34:35,970 --> 01:34:39,210 - For appearances' sake. - Yeah. 816 01:34:39,370 --> 01:34:44,130 - No offense? - No, no, of course not, Danny. 817 01:34:51,970 --> 01:34:55,050 You have to take your hat off to Daniel Dravot. 818 01:34:55,210 --> 01:34:58,570 He dealt out justice as though he wrote the book. 819 01:34:59,810 --> 01:35:05,250 Peachy was general of his armies, but there was no more battles to fight. 820 01:35:05,410 --> 01:35:10,650 Danny had him build a bridge that would span the chasm below the Holy City. 821 01:35:10,810 --> 01:35:15,330 It'd help keep Peachy occupied until the spring came. 822 01:35:34,570 --> 01:35:38,690 Look, Danny, the geese. Skeins of them flying north. 823 01:35:38,850 --> 01:35:43,450 A fortnight and the pass will open. What we ought to do is make camp... 824 01:35:43,650 --> 01:35:47,330 ...high up on the mountain and wait on the weather. 825 01:35:55,010 --> 01:35:58,370 - I ain't going, Peachy. - What? 826 01:36:00,450 --> 01:36:03,690 - You heard me. - Not going? 827 01:36:03,850 --> 01:36:05,530 Correct. 828 01:36:05,690 --> 01:36:08,370 Have you gone barmy? 829 01:36:08,850 --> 01:36:12,610 No, I ain't been drinking neither. 830 01:36:14,410 --> 01:36:16,850 I see things clear. 831 01:36:17,730 --> 01:36:21,090 It's like bandages have been removed from my eyes. 832 01:36:24,050 --> 01:36:27,330 Have you ever walked into a strange room... 833 01:36:27,970 --> 01:36:31,090 ...and it's like you've been there before? 834 01:36:31,930 --> 01:36:34,930 - I know what you mean. - Let me tell you something. 835 01:36:35,090 --> 01:36:38,690 This isn't the first time I've worn a crown. 836 01:36:39,810 --> 01:36:42,850 There's more to this than meets the eye. 837 01:36:43,010 --> 01:36:45,050 It all adds up. 838 01:36:45,210 --> 01:36:47,010 What does? 839 01:36:47,170 --> 01:36:52,330 Everything that's happened from the time we decided to come here. 840 01:36:52,490 --> 01:36:54,770 No, before that... 841 01:36:54,970 --> 01:36:58,730 ...beginning with your taking Brother Kipling's watch. 842 01:36:59,610 --> 01:37:04,770 More than chance has been at work here. More than mere chance. 843 01:37:04,930 --> 01:37:07,650 Why his watch and not somebody else's? 844 01:37:07,810 --> 01:37:10,610 And what made him give me the emblem? 845 01:37:10,770 --> 01:37:12,970 One thing after the other. 846 01:37:13,170 --> 01:37:16,210 The avalanche, the arrow... 847 01:37:16,370 --> 01:37:18,330 ...the mark on the stone... 848 01:37:18,530 --> 01:37:23,690 - ...not to mention another Roxanne. - Roxanne? The Venus de Milo? 849 01:37:23,850 --> 01:37:25,810 The same. 850 01:37:25,970 --> 01:37:30,730 One more thing is needf ul for my destiny to be f ulfilled. 851 01:37:30,890 --> 01:37:34,090 - I take her to wife. - Leave the women alone. 852 01:37:34,290 --> 01:37:36,570 Who's talking women? I said wife. 853 01:37:37,010 --> 01:37:40,530 - A queen to breed a king's son. - And the contract? 854 01:37:40,690 --> 01:37:45,450 The contract lasted until we was kings, and king I've been for months! 855 01:37:45,650 --> 01:37:51,170 The first king since Alexander, the first to wear his crown in 2200 and... 856 01:37:51,490 --> 01:37:54,170 - 14. - ...14 years! 857 01:37:54,330 --> 01:37:56,370 Him... 858 01:37:56,570 --> 01:37:58,770 ...and now me! 859 01:38:00,810 --> 01:38:03,530 They call me his son and I am... 860 01:38:03,690 --> 01:38:06,450 ...in spirit anyway. 861 01:38:06,610 --> 01:38:09,490 It's a hugeous responsibility. 862 01:38:09,650 --> 01:38:14,090 The bridge is the first of many. They'll tie the country together. 863 01:38:14,290 --> 01:38:18,250 A nation I shall make of it with an anthem and a flag. 864 01:38:18,410 --> 01:38:22,650 I shall treat on equal terms the viceroy and other kings and princes. 865 01:38:22,810 --> 01:38:27,730 When I've accomplished what I set out to do, I'll stand before the queen... 866 01:38:27,930 --> 01:38:33,090 ...not kneel, mind you, but stand like an equal and she'll say: 867 01:38:33,250 --> 01:38:39,490 "Please accept the Order of the Garter as a mark of my esteem, cousin." 868 01:38:39,690 --> 01:38:45,170 She'll pin it on me herself. It's big. I tell you, it's big! 869 01:38:45,330 --> 01:38:48,770 And I tell you, you need a physic! 870 01:38:49,370 --> 01:38:51,330 I'm fair disappointed in you. 871 01:38:51,490 --> 01:38:54,930 You, who followed me and helped make me what I am. 872 01:38:55,090 --> 01:38:59,770 Followed you, me? Who had hold of the mule's tail, tell me that? 873 01:38:59,930 --> 01:39:02,290 The jenny also done her bit. 874 01:39:02,490 --> 01:39:07,410 Danny! We've had this rare streak of luck. Let's quit winners for once. 875 01:39:07,610 --> 01:39:12,970 - Cut and run while the running's good. - You call it luck. I call it destiny. 876 01:39:13,130 --> 01:39:18,250 Ha, ha! Pardon me while I fall down laughing. 877 01:39:19,250 --> 01:39:23,770 Whatever you may think and however you may feel, I'm a king and you're a subject! 878 01:39:23,970 --> 01:39:27,170 So don't you provoke me, Peachy Carnehan! 879 01:39:27,330 --> 01:39:28,770 Or you'll do what? 880 01:39:28,930 --> 01:39:32,810 You've got me trembling in my boots here! What'll you do? 881 01:39:36,010 --> 01:39:40,610 - You have permission to bugger off! - I will, with or without your... 882 01:39:40,770 --> 01:39:43,370 ...bleeding permission! 883 01:39:45,210 --> 01:39:48,970 And may you rot in hell, Daniel Dravot! 884 01:39:49,690 --> 01:39:54,930 From Sikander the First to the Second was a long time between kings... 885 01:39:55,090 --> 01:39:58,690 ...and a country needs a king like a king needs a crown. 886 01:39:58,890 --> 01:40:01,490 One is the glory of the other. 887 01:40:01,650 --> 01:40:07,210 Therefore, I shall leave a son behind who will in turn beget other sons... 888 01:40:07,370 --> 01:40:13,610 ...so the succession will be unbroken and kings will be guaranteed forever. 889 01:40:14,170 --> 01:40:16,210 To which end... 890 01:40:16,410 --> 01:40:18,930 ...I have chosen a wife. 891 01:40:19,250 --> 01:40:21,890 Roxanne of Khawak. 892 01:40:41,050 --> 01:40:44,490 Let her be brought here attended by her family. 893 01:40:44,650 --> 01:40:47,930 I want flowers strewed along her way. 894 01:40:48,090 --> 01:40:52,410 The wedding ceremony will be surrounded by pomp and circumstance! 895 01:40:52,570 --> 01:40:58,250 Let messengers be sent forth and summon my people from near and far. 896 01:40:58,690 --> 01:41:00,890 Selah. 897 01:41:18,730 --> 01:41:20,450 What are they saying? 898 01:41:20,610 --> 01:41:24,050 How can daughters of men marry gods or devils? 899 01:41:24,530 --> 01:41:27,570 - A god can do anything. - But it is not proper. 900 01:41:27,730 --> 01:41:31,330 - Who says it isn't? - All the priests. 901 01:41:34,530 --> 01:41:38,050 Would they put their word against that of a god? 902 01:41:41,530 --> 01:41:43,890 They say let Imbra decide. 903 01:41:44,770 --> 01:41:46,890 Imbra is highest god of all. 904 01:41:47,770 --> 01:41:51,210 And what if Imbra should hold against me? 905 01:41:51,370 --> 01:41:53,650 What'll they do about it? 906 01:41:54,530 --> 01:41:56,490 Am I a dog or a god? 907 01:41:56,650 --> 01:42:00,610 Haven't I put the shadow of my hand over this country? 908 01:42:02,490 --> 01:42:04,930 Do as I say! Send for the girl! 909 01:42:05,090 --> 01:42:07,730 Tell them that's an order! 910 01:42:29,890 --> 01:42:34,250 - Well, Billy, what's going on? - Signs very bad, Peachy. 911 01:42:34,410 --> 01:42:39,410 Priests open up birds, green inside and stinking horrid. Imbra very angry. 912 01:42:39,570 --> 01:42:44,090 They probably cut the spleen. The green's only bile. 913 01:42:44,290 --> 01:42:49,810 Don't worry, Billy, the girl won't go up in smoke. I'll guarantee you that. 914 01:42:49,970 --> 01:42:53,570 Girl don't matter. Many girls here, no difference. 915 01:42:53,730 --> 01:42:55,610 Few girls more or less... 916 01:42:55,810 --> 01:43:01,810 ...but cows now, they dry up and goats throw babies too soon. 917 01:43:02,010 --> 01:43:04,370 And corn do not ripen. 918 01:43:04,530 --> 01:43:05,930 Everybody go hungry. 919 01:43:06,090 --> 01:43:12,530 Now, Billy, you know as well as I do that Dravot's no god. 920 01:43:12,690 --> 01:43:14,730 He told you about the arrow. 921 01:43:14,890 --> 01:43:18,410 But then, priests must be mistaken about Imbra. 922 01:43:18,610 --> 01:43:20,970 He not angry because... 923 01:43:21,170 --> 01:43:24,930 ...god marrying a mortal but because son of man... 924 01:43:25,130 --> 01:43:28,090 ...pretend to be a god. 925 01:45:04,410 --> 01:45:06,970 Roxanne, don't be af raid... 926 01:45:07,210 --> 01:45:09,130 ...I wouldn't harm you. 927 01:45:10,010 --> 01:45:14,170 When the time comes, you'll catch fire, I warrant. 928 01:45:14,410 --> 01:45:17,610 All women should when their husbands hold them. 929 01:45:17,810 --> 01:45:21,570 But you won't perish, girl, I promise you that. 930 01:46:44,130 --> 01:46:45,810 Well, Danny... 931 01:46:46,010 --> 01:46:49,250 ...the time has come, as the saying goes. 932 01:46:49,490 --> 01:46:50,850 When do you leave? 933 01:46:51,090 --> 01:46:53,050 At first light. 934 01:46:53,210 --> 01:46:57,730 I thought you might look in the box es before I nail them shut. 935 01:46:57,930 --> 01:47:01,010 - See what I'm taking. - Take what you like. 936 01:47:01,170 --> 01:47:05,850 I weighed the gold out, pound for pound. The gems, ounce for ounce. 937 01:47:06,010 --> 01:47:07,050 Right. 938 01:47:09,090 --> 01:47:11,890 I'll only need half the mules we planned. 939 01:47:12,130 --> 01:47:16,690 I'd like to take 20 riflemen to be safe through the Khyber Pass. 940 01:47:16,930 --> 01:47:19,850 Take them. Take them. 941 01:47:26,490 --> 01:47:28,850 God's holy trousers! 942 01:47:32,730 --> 01:47:34,850 What is that? 943 01:47:39,530 --> 01:47:41,810 They're savages here, one and all. 944 01:47:42,050 --> 01:47:46,610 Leave them to slaughtering babies, playing stick-and-ball with heads... 945 01:47:46,770 --> 01:47:49,050 ...and pissing on their neighbours. 946 01:47:52,650 --> 01:47:54,250 Please, Danny... 947 01:47:55,930 --> 01:47:59,210 ...for the last time of asking... 948 01:47:59,450 --> 01:48:01,250 ...come back with me. 949 01:48:01,970 --> 01:48:04,650 For the last time of answering, I won't. 950 01:48:05,530 --> 01:48:09,130 I know you've got my best interest at heart... 951 01:48:09,290 --> 01:48:11,570 ...but the choice has been made. 952 01:48:11,810 --> 01:48:15,010 Well, I'll be seeing you, then? 953 01:48:15,410 --> 01:48:17,850 In London maybe... 954 01:48:19,770 --> 01:48:23,290 ...when the queen gives you the Order of the Garter. 955 01:48:32,250 --> 01:48:34,370 - Peachy. - Yes, Danny? 956 01:48:34,530 --> 01:48:36,410 I'll be married midmorning. 957 01:48:36,730 --> 01:48:39,650 Could you not wait and leave afterwards? 958 01:48:39,810 --> 01:48:42,650 See me up the aisle for old times' sake? 959 01:48:44,290 --> 01:48:46,050 If you like. 960 01:50:52,890 --> 01:50:54,850 Peachy, the ring. 961 01:50:59,530 --> 01:51:02,690 I, Sikander the Second, hereby take thee... 962 01:51:02,850 --> 01:51:05,730 ...Roxanne, to be my lawf ul wedded wife... 963 01:51:06,330 --> 01:51:11,010 ...and queen of Kafiristan. Selah. 964 01:51:28,330 --> 01:51:30,210 She bit me! 965 01:51:33,410 --> 01:51:35,530 The slut bit me! 966 01:52:00,250 --> 01:52:01,650 What's he saying? 967 01:52:01,850 --> 01:52:06,690 Danny's bleeding, they know! He says, "Not god, not devil, but man!" 968 01:52:06,850 --> 01:52:09,610 They've twigged it, Danny. You've had it! 969 01:52:13,250 --> 01:52:14,290 The jig's up! 970 01:52:14,450 --> 01:52:17,050 - I, Sikander... - For God's sake! 971 01:52:20,290 --> 01:52:25,050 We've got to brass it out, Danny. Danny, brass it out! 972 01:52:32,290 --> 01:52:34,410 Bags of swank. 973 01:53:10,210 --> 01:53:14,490 We'll get your riflemen and come back and slaughter the dogs! 974 01:53:23,730 --> 01:53:27,890 A drenching in their own blood we'll give them! Prepare to advance! 975 01:53:28,050 --> 01:53:31,050 Too many for that, Danny. Retire in sections. 976 01:53:31,210 --> 01:53:33,250 Retire? Retire be damned! 977 01:53:33,530 --> 01:53:35,650 We've gotta make a run for it! 978 01:53:38,730 --> 01:53:40,450 Front section... 979 01:53:41,250 --> 01:53:42,650 ...fire! 980 01:53:44,130 --> 01:53:45,650 Back! 981 01:53:47,050 --> 01:53:49,410 Front rank, fire! 982 01:53:51,850 --> 01:53:53,250 Break ranks! 983 01:55:37,690 --> 01:55:41,570 Mount the mule and ride! There's a chance you'll make it. 984 01:55:41,730 --> 01:55:43,930 Gurkha foot soldier, not cavalry. 985 01:55:44,210 --> 01:55:48,810 Rifleman Machendra Bahadur Gurung wishing you many good lucks. 986 01:56:16,610 --> 01:56:18,090 Out of bloody ammo! 987 01:56:18,330 --> 01:56:19,650 Me too! 988 01:56:39,730 --> 01:56:42,850 I'm heartily ashamed for getting you killed... 989 01:56:43,050 --> 01:56:45,610 ...instead of going home rich... 990 01:56:45,770 --> 01:56:50,130 ...on account of me being so bleeding high and bloody mighty! 991 01:56:50,410 --> 01:56:52,450 Can you forgive me? 992 01:56:54,330 --> 01:56:58,290 That I can, and that I do, Danny. 993 01:56:58,490 --> 01:57:02,650 Free and f ull and without let or hindrance. 994 01:57:02,810 --> 01:57:04,770 Everything's all right, then. 995 01:58:10,330 --> 01:58:12,610 Cut, you buggers, cut! 996 01:59:00,690 --> 01:59:05,690 And old Danny fell round and round and round and round... 997 01:59:05,930 --> 01:59:10,290 ...like a penny whirligig. Twenty thousand miles! 998 01:59:10,530 --> 01:59:16,290 It took him half an hour to fall before he struck the rocks. 999 01:59:16,530 --> 01:59:20,210 And do you know what they did to Peachy? 1000 01:59:21,810 --> 01:59:24,250 They crucified him, sir... 1001 01:59:25,090 --> 01:59:27,650 ...between two pine trees... 1002 01:59:28,130 --> 01:59:32,010 ...as Peachy's hands will show. 1003 01:59:34,530 --> 01:59:37,650 Poor Peachy, who'd never done them any harm. 1004 01:59:37,890 --> 01:59:42,090 He just hung there and he screamed, but he didn't die. 1005 01:59:42,250 --> 01:59:45,090 The next day they came and took him down... 1006 01:59:45,250 --> 01:59:49,690 ...and said it's a miracle he wasn't dead and they let him go. 1007 01:59:51,330 --> 01:59:55,490 And Peachy come home in about a year... 1008 01:59:55,730 --> 01:59:59,650 ...and the mountains they tried to fall on old Peachy... 1009 01:59:59,890 --> 02:00:05,370 ...but he was quite safe because Daniel walked before him. 1010 02:00:06,930 --> 02:00:13,010 And Daniel never let go of Peachy's hand. 1011 02:00:14,410 --> 02:00:18,690 And Peachy never let go of Daniel's head. 1012 02:00:20,650 --> 02:00:22,210 His head? 1013 02:00:22,450 --> 02:00:24,250 You knew Danny, sir. 1014 02:00:24,410 --> 02:00:26,090 Oh, yes. 1015 02:00:26,930 --> 02:00:31,690 You knew most worshipf ul Brother... 1016 02:00:33,290 --> 02:00:35,650 ...Daniel Dravot, Esquire. 1017 02:00:36,610 --> 02:00:38,050 Well... 1018 02:00:38,850 --> 02:00:43,930 ...he became the king of Kafiristan... 1019 02:00:44,130 --> 02:00:47,650 ...with a crown on his head. 1020 02:00:47,850 --> 02:00:52,170 And that's all there is to tell. I'll be on my way now, sir. 1021 02:00:52,410 --> 02:00:55,250 I've got urgent business in the South. 1022 02:00:55,450 --> 02:00:58,810 I have to meet a man at Marwar Junction.