1
00:00:03,617 --> 00:00:04,777
(drumroll)
2
00:00:07,321 --> 00:00:10,313
(rousing orchestral fanfare playing)
3
00:00:21,168 --> 00:00:23,363
(fanfare ends)
4
00:00:26,540 --> 00:00:28,838
(woman chanting plaintively
over mournful melody)
5
00:00:28,909 --> 00:00:30,900
(deep whooshing)
6
00:00:33,146 --> 00:00:35,307
(percussion booming)
7
00:00:35,382 --> 00:00:38,783
(plaintive chanting continues)
8
00:00:38,852 --> 00:00:40,786
(percussion booming)
9
00:00:40,854 --> 00:00:44,221
(thunder crashing)
10
00:00:45,726 --> 00:00:48,957
(singing slows, distorting)
11
00:00:49,029 --> 00:00:51,259
MALE NARRATOR:
In the land of Sparta...
12
00:00:51,331 --> 00:00:54,562
when babies were born...
13
00:00:54,634 --> 00:00:57,296
the elders would
inspect them for defects.
14
00:00:57,371 --> 00:01:01,865
BABY (Scottish accent):
Ah. Are you my mama?
15
00:01:01,942 --> 00:01:04,206
'Cause I'm ready to suckle a teat.
16
00:01:05,112 --> 00:01:07,307
(loud retching)
17
00:01:11,351 --> 00:01:13,945
(baby cackles)
18
00:01:15,021 --> 00:01:16,716
If any imperfections were found...
19
00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:18,223
the baby was rejected.
20
00:01:19,359 --> 00:01:21,293
- (grunts)
- (baby yells)
21
00:01:21,361 --> 00:01:22,692
And if the baby...
22
00:01:22,763 --> 00:01:24,856
was Vietnamese...
23
00:01:24,931 --> 00:01:27,593
Brangelina had first dibs.
24
00:01:28,969 --> 00:01:30,960
(thunder crashing)
25
00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:33,530
Cute, huh?
26
00:01:33,607 --> 00:01:34,699
(quiet groan)
27
00:01:34,775 --> 00:01:37,141
Behold Leonidas...
28
00:01:37,210 --> 00:01:38,700
Ah-ooh!
29
00:01:38,779 --> 00:01:41,475
... the perfect Spartan.
30
00:01:41,548 --> 00:01:42,845
(chuckles)
31
00:01:45,786 --> 00:01:47,014
(grunts)
32
00:01:47,087 --> 00:01:49,521
From an early age...
33
00:01:49,589 --> 00:01:51,250
Leonidas was taught to fight.
34
00:01:51,324 --> 00:01:53,087
Come on, you little shit! Come on!
35
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,650
You can't beat me.
36
00:01:54,728 --> 00:01:56,218
You're never gonna be
a Spartan, never.
37
00:01:56,296 --> 00:01:57,820
Take this, Granny!
38
00:01:57,898 --> 00:02:00,162
(distorted): Aah!
39
00:02:00,233 --> 00:02:01,598
(grunts, thuds)
40
00:02:02,836 --> 00:02:06,670
He was tortured,
taught to show no pain.
41
00:02:06,740 --> 00:02:08,731
Tell me, Mr. Bond...
42
00:02:08,809 --> 00:02:10,401
what is the account number?
43
00:02:10,477 --> 00:02:12,911
Who the hell is Mr. Bond?
44
00:02:12,979 --> 00:02:14,571
I'm Leonidas.
45
00:02:14,648 --> 00:02:16,582
You're testing my patience,
Double-Oh.
46
00:02:16,650 --> 00:02:18,618
But I am not Double-
47
00:02:18,685 --> 00:02:19,913
Oh!
48
00:02:19,986 --> 00:02:22,079
(crazed laughing)
49
00:02:22,789 --> 00:02:23,915
Oh!
50
00:02:23,990 --> 00:02:25,753
Little Miss Sunshine!
51
00:02:25,826 --> 00:02:28,659
(trembling):
Oh, oh-
52
00:02:28,728 --> 00:02:31,697
- Here's a nice one. Oh-
- (whimpering)
53
00:02:31,765 --> 00:02:34,461
That's right. Yeah.
54
00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:37,628
No, no, no.
(groaning)
55
00:02:39,306 --> 00:02:42,867
Mr. Bond, I'd like you
to meet Captain Adorable.
56
00:02:42,943 --> 00:02:43,910
- (dog growls)
- Good boy.
57
00:02:43,977 --> 00:02:46,605
Good boy.
Who's a good boy?
58
00:02:49,416 --> 00:02:51,611
- (loud crunch)
- (yelling)
59
00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:57,148
Leonidas was sent into the wild...
60
00:02:57,224 --> 00:03:00,591
to learn how to survive.
61
00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:02,719
(shivering)
62
00:03:04,431 --> 00:03:07,764
He braved the elements...
63
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:10,860
endured starvation.
64
00:03:19,012 --> 00:03:20,104
No mayo?
65
00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:22,842
This is bullshit!
66
00:03:25,819 --> 00:03:29,220
The beast stalks Leonidas...
67
00:03:29,289 --> 00:03:33,453
red eyes glowing
like the fires of hell.
68
00:03:37,998 --> 00:03:42,025
(suspenseful theme building)
69
00:03:42,102 --> 00:03:44,730
(low squawking)
70
00:03:44,804 --> 00:03:46,533
(suspenseful theme continues)
71
00:03:46,606 --> 00:03:50,474
(upbeat dance music playing)
72
00:03:50,544 --> 00:03:51,943
(Leonidas laughs)
73
00:03:52,012 --> 00:03:54,037
Man, you've got happy feet.
74
00:03:54,114 --> 00:03:55,206
(record needle scratches, music stops)
75
00:03:55,282 --> 00:03:57,978
What you laughin' at, asswipe?
76
00:03:58,051 --> 00:04:00,383
I'm about to shove
my happy foot up your ass...
77
00:04:00,453 --> 00:04:01,886
- cracker.
- Nice penguin.
78
00:04:01,955 --> 00:04:04,082
Where you going, pussy?
79
00:04:04,157 --> 00:04:05,055
(Leonidas yelling)
80
00:04:05,125 --> 00:04:06,717
(grunting)
81
00:04:06,793 --> 00:04:09,057
I'm 'bout to make you
my bitch, Leonidas.
82
00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:10,653
Lick my snowballs.
83
00:04:10,730 --> 00:04:13,494
(grunting)
84
00:04:15,735 --> 00:04:19,466
Now eat my penguin asshole.
(penguin farting repeatedly)
85
00:04:19,539 --> 00:04:21,473
That Taco Bell ain't sittin' right.
86
00:04:22,642 --> 00:04:23,904
Oh, it smells!
87
00:04:23,977 --> 00:04:26,912
- (farts)
- Ha! Caught you with your mouth open.
88
00:04:39,559 --> 00:04:40,992
You dead, Leonidas.
89
00:04:41,061 --> 00:04:43,393
Say "Wassup?"
to Anna Nicole for me.
90
00:04:46,733 --> 00:04:47,631
(grunts)
91
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:48,963
Shit! I'm stuck!
92
00:04:49,035 --> 00:04:51,003
Oh, we got a penguin pinned down!
93
00:04:51,071 --> 00:04:52,504
Help! Help!
94
00:04:52,572 --> 00:04:54,631
(penguin grunting)
95
00:04:57,911 --> 00:04:59,401
(penguin grunts)
96
00:04:59,479 --> 00:05:01,504
Oh! My ass!
97
00:05:01,581 --> 00:05:03,481
My ass hurt! Oh!
98
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:05,017
Why you wanna do me like that?
99
00:05:05,085 --> 00:05:07,178
Come on, man, I could hook you up.
100
00:05:07,253 --> 00:05:08,413
We could work it out.
101
00:05:08,488 --> 00:05:10,979
I'll suck your dick!
102
00:05:11,691 --> 00:05:14,558
(dramatic choral music playing)
103
00:05:14,628 --> 00:05:18,462
And the boy
that was cast into the wild...
104
00:05:18,531 --> 00:05:21,398
returned a king!
105
00:05:25,438 --> 00:05:27,429
##
106
00:05:37,651 --> 00:05:40,848
(both grunting)
107
00:05:41,054 --> 00:05:43,488
- (techno dance music playing)
- # Oh! #
108
00:05:43,556 --> 00:05:45,456
#Yeah, yeah #
109
00:05:45,525 --> 00:05:46,787
#Ak' sizzle #
110
00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:48,384
- #The bomb #
- # Get down #
111
00:05:48,461 --> 00:05:50,520
# Baby, down,
I know you love the sound #
112
00:05:50,597 --> 00:05:52,224
#When we do what we do #
113
00:05:52,298 --> 00:05:54,789
- #We get you in the mood #
- #Ak' Sent's in the building #
114
00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:57,132
- # Pick it up, pick it up #
- #Yeah #
115
00:05:57,203 --> 00:05:58,727
- # I know you love the feel #
- # Come on #
116
00:05:58,805 --> 00:06:00,432
# Let's keep it on the real #
117
00:06:00,507 --> 00:06:02,600
#This... is like the bomb #
118
00:06:02,676 --> 00:06:03,904
- # So fresh #
- (deeply): Whoa!
119
00:06:03,977 --> 00:06:05,467
#The bomb, so dope #
120
00:06:05,545 --> 00:06:06,944
#The bomb, so def #
121
00:06:07,013 --> 00:06:08,742
- #The bomb #
- Boobs.
122
00:06:08,815 --> 00:06:11,113
# So cool, the bomb, so fresh #
123
00:06:11,184 --> 00:06:12,549
#The bomb, so dope #
124
00:06:12,619 --> 00:06:13,551
#The bomb #
125
00:06:13,620 --> 00:06:15,611
Sign my rack?
126
00:06:15,689 --> 00:06:17,316
# So cool #
127
00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:18,914
And they're real, too.
128
00:06:18,992 --> 00:06:20,755
Yes! (laughs)
129
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,053
(giggles)
130
00:06:23,997 --> 00:06:25,225
Marry me?
131
00:06:25,298 --> 00:06:27,289
(laughs)
132
00:06:32,172 --> 00:06:34,265
(laughs): What's that?
133
00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:36,706
The combination to my chastity belt.
134
00:06:39,245 --> 00:06:41,839
(excited shuddering):
Oh-
135
00:06:43,016 --> 00:06:45,951
(cheering, whooping)
136
00:06:46,019 --> 00:06:47,281
PEOPLE: Leonidas!
137
00:06:49,689 --> 00:06:53,056
(cheering slowly fades)
138
00:06:55,462 --> 00:06:59,296
NARRATOR: Leonidas was stoked.
139
00:06:59,365 --> 00:07:04,268
He wed Margo,
and she bore him a fine son.
140
00:07:04,337 --> 00:07:08,103
And life in the land
of Sparta was good.
141
00:07:08,308 --> 00:07:10,208
(both grunting)
142
00:07:10,276 --> 00:07:12,471
Yes! Yes! Good!
143
00:07:12,545 --> 00:07:13,773
Thanks, Dad.
144
00:07:13,847 --> 00:07:16,509
(grunting)
145
00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:17,914
(Leonidas pants)
146
00:07:17,984 --> 00:07:19,474
Give me your hand.
147
00:07:19,552 --> 00:07:22,316
Remember, Son: A warrior...
148
00:07:22,388 --> 00:07:24,015
must learn to take a hit.
149
00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:26,058
(grunts, groans)
150
00:07:26,126 --> 00:07:28,287
Fight with your head:
151
00:07:28,361 --> 00:07:30,158
think with your heart.
152
00:07:30,230 --> 00:07:31,197
Huh?
153
00:07:31,264 --> 00:07:33,198
Give him the pile driver, honey.
154
00:07:35,235 --> 00:07:36,327
Pile driver?
155
00:07:36,402 --> 00:07:38,370
(yelling)
156
00:07:38,438 --> 00:07:40,838
- (loud crunch)
- (yelling stops)
157
00:07:40,907 --> 00:07:42,704
That's my boy.
158
00:07:42,776 --> 00:07:46,371
(distorted, slow-motion yell)
159
00:07:47,781 --> 00:07:49,043
(both grunt)
160
00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:51,607
- My queen.
- (loud slaps)
161
00:07:51,684 --> 00:07:52,708
BOY: No!
162
00:07:52,786 --> 00:07:54,219
- Captain.
- No!
163
00:07:54,287 --> 00:07:57,051
I see Leonidas is molding
our future king of Sparta...
164
00:07:57,123 --> 00:07:58,522
to be a man.
165
00:07:58,591 --> 00:08:02,425
(chain saw roaring)
166
00:08:02,495 --> 00:08:05,191
I remember when
my father used to beat me.
167
00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:08,533
Traditional rites of passage.
168
00:08:09,936 --> 00:08:12,029
No. My father was an alcoholic.
169
00:08:12,105 --> 00:08:13,538
(paint gun firing,
pellets ricocheting)
170
00:08:13,606 --> 00:08:14,402
Ow!
171
00:08:15,775 --> 00:08:16,366
Aah!
172
00:08:18,311 --> 00:08:20,108
Xerxes' messenger awaits, my king.
173
00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:21,772
(exhales)
174
00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:23,008
(gun fires)
175
00:08:26,820 --> 00:08:28,720
Greetings, Leonidas.
176
00:08:28,788 --> 00:08:31,416
Greetings, messenger.
177
00:08:31,491 --> 00:08:33,516
(loud kiss)
178
00:08:33,593 --> 00:08:36,061
(spitting): What the hell was that?
179
00:08:36,129 --> 00:08:37,061
What?
180
00:08:37,130 --> 00:08:38,222
You just kissed me!
181
00:08:38,298 --> 00:08:41,290
That is how men of Sparta
greet one another.
182
00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:43,767
High fives for the women...
183
00:08:43,837 --> 00:08:46,635
and open-mouth tongue
kisses for the men.
184
00:08:54,647 --> 00:08:56,979
Ooh.
185
00:08:57,050 --> 00:08:58,415
I get it.
186
00:08:58,484 --> 00:08:59,473
Get what?
187
00:08:59,552 --> 00:09:02,146
Uh... y-you have a...
188
00:09:02,222 --> 00:09:04,053
"free society" here.
189
00:09:04,123 --> 00:09:06,284
Yes. The freest.
190
00:09:06,359 --> 00:09:08,088
Uh, not that there's
anything wrong with that.
191
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,560
(whispers): I dig big black dudes.
192
00:09:16,636 --> 00:09:18,069
Yeah.
193
00:09:19,105 --> 00:09:22,939
Come, messenger, let us walk.
194
00:09:26,212 --> 00:09:29,147
The great Xerxes has
taken over the world...
195
00:09:29,215 --> 00:09:30,978
with his vast Persian army...
196
00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:34,213
and has set his sights
on his final conquest-
197
00:09:34,287 --> 00:09:35,777
Sparta.
198
00:09:38,691 --> 00:09:42,092
Let us talk
by the giant pit of death.
199
00:09:42,161 --> 00:09:43,753
Okay.
200
00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:45,593
Xerxes is a kind god-king...
201
00:09:45,665 --> 00:09:47,098
and offers these...
202
00:09:47,166 --> 00:09:49,464
peaceful alternatives to war.
203
00:09:51,504 --> 00:09:53,301
No blood will be shed...
204
00:09:53,373 --> 00:09:56,467
as long as you Spartan
men build his pyramids...
205
00:09:56,542 --> 00:10:00,103
your women become his sex slaves...
206
00:10:00,179 --> 00:10:01,908
and your children...
207
00:10:01,981 --> 00:10:03,710
work at sweatshops...
208
00:10:03,783 --> 00:10:05,546
making Nikes.
209
00:10:07,787 --> 00:10:09,721
That sounds reasonable.
210
00:10:10,890 --> 00:10:12,050
CAPTAIN: I'm sure you would...
211
00:10:12,125 --> 00:10:14,025
think so, Councilman Traitoro.
212
00:10:15,695 --> 00:10:18,163
(woman sings slow,
exotic, ethereal theme)
213
00:10:18,231 --> 00:10:21,200
(wind whistling softly)
214
00:10:31,411 --> 00:10:34,175
##
215
00:10:43,690 --> 00:10:45,851
Tell Xerxes...
216
00:10:45,925 --> 00:10:47,517
(passionate moaning)
217
00:10:47,593 --> 00:10:50,357
...to take his proposal...
218
00:10:50,430 --> 00:10:52,591
and shove it!
219
00:10:52,665 --> 00:10:54,360
What the hell?!
220
00:10:54,434 --> 00:10:56,493
What? He came on to me!
221
00:10:56,569 --> 00:10:57,763
I did not.
222
00:10:57,837 --> 00:11:00,032
Dawg, your wife's a ho.
223
00:11:02,642 --> 00:11:04,439
This means war!
224
00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:06,705
Hey, hey, hey, it's cool, it's cool.
225
00:11:06,779 --> 00:11:08,303
Uh, we got San Francisco...
226
00:11:08,381 --> 00:11:09,609
and West Hollywood.
227
00:11:09,682 --> 00:11:11,616
We don't need Sparta.
(chuckles)
228
00:11:11,684 --> 00:11:13,914
I'll just tell Xerxes
it's a "no go."
229
00:11:14,854 --> 00:11:16,515
(chuckles)
230
00:11:20,893 --> 00:11:23,191
Kick his ass in.
231
00:11:25,765 --> 00:11:27,426
This is madness!
232
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,525
Madness?
233
00:11:32,338 --> 00:11:35,102
This is Sparta!
234
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,578
Why did you do that?
235
00:11:43,649 --> 00:11:44,946
He was backing down.
236
00:11:45,952 --> 00:11:47,419
(yells)
237
00:11:47,487 --> 00:11:51,890
My lord, he will
tell Xerxes that Sparta...
238
00:11:51,958 --> 00:11:53,926
is not for them,
so, whatever you do...
239
00:11:53,993 --> 00:11:55,654
don't kick him
into the pit of death.
240
00:11:55,728 --> 00:11:58,253
Stop kicking people
into the pit of death. Really!
241
00:11:58,464 --> 00:12:01,092
WOMAN:
# Oh, no #
242
00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:02,794
# Oh, yeah #
243
00:12:02,869 --> 00:12:05,394
# Uh-huh, yeah. #
244
00:12:05,471 --> 00:12:06,665
I don't know why y'all...
245
00:12:06,739 --> 00:12:09,003
have to always get on
my back for everything.
246
00:12:09,075 --> 00:12:10,667
I'm a responsible adult.
247
00:12:10,743 --> 00:12:12,768
Look at me-
I'm booby-feeding my baby.
248
00:12:12,845 --> 00:12:14,676
Sometimes I like to
give him fried milk.
249
00:12:14,747 --> 00:12:15,941
I call 'em milk poppers.
250
00:12:16,015 --> 00:12:17,243
It's just like breast milk,
but it's fried.
251
00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:18,544
And you just pop 'em in your mouth.
252
00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:19,676
He loves 'em.
Don't you, baby!
253
00:12:19,752 --> 00:12:21,913
# Goo-goo, gah-gah #
254
00:12:21,988 --> 00:12:24,855
# Gah-gah, gah-gah-gah-gah. #
255
00:12:24,924 --> 00:12:26,824
(raspy panting)
256
00:12:26,893 --> 00:12:28,622
I'm a smart shopper.
257
00:12:28,694 --> 00:12:31,527
I got this entire outfit in
an alleyway from a Mexico woman.
258
00:12:31,597 --> 00:12:32,723
# Bargain #
259
00:12:32,799 --> 00:12:33,959
# Shopping #
260
00:12:34,033 --> 00:12:35,330
#Yeah. #
261
00:12:35,401 --> 00:12:36,959
Why do y'all think I'm messed up?
262
00:12:37,036 --> 00:12:39,527
Shit! Do I look crazy to you?
263
00:12:43,109 --> 00:12:47,512
(echoing): Oh...
264
00:12:47,580 --> 00:12:50,276
my God!
265
00:12:50,483 --> 00:12:52,110
Aw, damn, cuz!
266
00:12:52,185 --> 00:12:53,584
There goes my palimony!
267
00:12:53,653 --> 00:12:55,245
K-Fed ain't havin' it, yo.
268
00:12:55,321 --> 00:12:57,653
K-Fed, come back to me, please!
269
00:12:57,723 --> 00:13:00,123
Please? I'll let you under my skirt.
270
00:13:00,193 --> 00:13:01,820
There goes K-Fed's cheddar, yo.
271
00:13:01,894 --> 00:13:03,589
(screaming)
272
00:13:04,897 --> 00:13:06,330
MAN:
# Oh, yeah! #
273
00:13:06,399 --> 00:13:09,596
#Ah-ah-ah, yeah! #
274
00:13:09,669 --> 00:13:13,105
(singing off-key):
# Ooh-ooh-ooh! #
275
00:13:13,172 --> 00:13:14,469
(screeching):
#Yeah! #
276
00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:16,132
(sobbing)
277
00:13:16,209 --> 00:13:17,176
#Yeah! #
278
00:13:17,243 --> 00:13:18,267
(shrieks)
279
00:13:18,344 --> 00:13:22,337
# I'm not gay! #
280
00:13:22,548 --> 00:13:24,175
(groans)
281
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:26,548
Leonidas.
282
00:13:26,619 --> 00:13:27,847
Ryan Seacrest?
283
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,617
How did you feel about that kick?
284
00:13:31,691 --> 00:13:34,285
Let's see what the judges
have to say.
285
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,294
- Randy?
- Yo, Leo, dawg, man...
286
00:13:36,362 --> 00:13:39,160
I, I wasn't really feelin' you
on that kick, dawg.
287
00:13:39,232 --> 00:13:41,132
I don't know what happened, man.
288
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,997
It was just
all right for me, dawg.
289
00:13:43,069 --> 00:13:45,731
- I mean, just all right, dawg.
- Paula?
290
00:13:45,805 --> 00:13:49,536
Leonidas...
291
00:13:49,609 --> 00:13:52,134
you...
292
00:13:52,211 --> 00:13:53,974
move me.
293
00:13:54,046 --> 00:13:55,707
(voice breaking):
Y-
294
00:13:57,483 --> 00:13:59,246
I don't-
295
00:13:59,318 --> 00:14:00,250
Simon?
296
00:14:00,319 --> 00:14:01,377
Leonidas...
297
00:14:01,454 --> 00:14:03,922
I thought the kick...
298
00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:07,323
was utterly... dreadful.
299
00:14:07,393 --> 00:14:08,417
Oh... Simon-
300
00:14:08,494 --> 00:14:09,859
In fact, I've seen better kicks...
301
00:14:09,929 --> 00:14:11,556
from a geriatric donkey.
302
00:14:11,631 --> 00:14:12,723
Oh- (sputters)
303
00:14:12,798 --> 00:14:14,823
And I'm not talking
about you, Paula.
304
00:14:14,901 --> 00:14:17,335
I am sorry, King...
305
00:14:17,403 --> 00:14:21,806
but your journey ends here.
306
00:14:23,075 --> 00:14:24,940
Oh, go (bleep) yourselves!
307
00:14:25,011 --> 00:14:28,174
- What are y?
- (judges screaming)
308
00:14:28,247 --> 00:14:30,681
(screams echoing)
309
00:14:39,192 --> 00:14:41,126
(sniveling)
310
00:14:41,194 --> 00:14:43,185
(whimpering)
311
00:14:50,703 --> 00:14:53,467
(echoing): Seacrest out!
312
00:14:53,539 --> 00:14:55,564
Excellent work, my king.
313
00:14:55,641 --> 00:14:59,008
It's time to consult
with the prophets.
314
00:14:59,078 --> 00:15:01,672
(sighs)
315
00:15:05,117 --> 00:15:09,520
(screams echoing)
316
00:15:12,558 --> 00:15:15,652
NARRATOR:
The ancient prophets were advisers to the king.
317
00:15:15,728 --> 00:15:21,189
Grotesque swine, their consult
came with a bribe.
318
00:15:22,902 --> 00:15:24,494
(excited grunting)
319
00:15:24,570 --> 00:15:27,471
Oh. Oh, Oxy 10.
320
00:15:27,540 --> 00:15:29,633
Oh, Neutrogena.
321
00:15:29,709 --> 00:15:31,176
This has an SPF.
322
00:15:31,244 --> 00:15:32,506
Th-This is all-day protection.
323
00:15:32,578 --> 00:15:34,136
Look at this.
324
00:15:34,213 --> 00:15:35,805
Exfoliator with alpha hydroxy.
325
00:15:35,881 --> 00:15:36,848
This is good for you, Glenn.
326
00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:38,884
Rub it all over
your disgusting face.
327
00:15:40,653 --> 00:15:43,850
What need you, King Leonidas?
328
00:15:43,923 --> 00:15:45,356
Ancient prophets...
329
00:15:45,424 --> 00:15:47,324
I need your guidance.
330
00:15:47,393 --> 00:15:51,022
I'm assembling an army
of 300 to go to war with Persia.
331
00:15:51,097 --> 00:15:55,466
I'm going to take them in the rear.
332
00:15:55,534 --> 00:15:57,764
Here, here.
333
00:15:57,837 --> 00:15:58,826
(snickers)
334
00:15:58,904 --> 00:16:00,804
And then I'm gonna reach around...
335
00:16:00,873 --> 00:16:01,965
(chuckles)
336
00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:04,066
...and I'm gonna take them again
from the front!
337
00:16:04,143 --> 00:16:05,201
(snickering)
338
00:16:05,278 --> 00:16:06,210
What?!
339
00:16:06,279 --> 00:16:07,576
Why are you sniggering?!
340
00:16:07,647 --> 00:16:09,342
Nothing.
341
00:16:09,415 --> 00:16:10,939
It's- no-nothing-
342
00:16:11,017 --> 00:16:11,949
- (clears throat)
- (snickering continues)
343
00:16:12,018 --> 00:16:13,315
What's so damn funny?!
344
00:16:13,386 --> 00:16:15,320
Look, it's all there for you to see!
345
00:16:15,388 --> 00:16:16,719
These are battle formations!
346
00:16:16,789 --> 00:16:17,721
(chuckling): Battle form-
347
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:18,916
That's what he calls them!
348
00:16:18,991 --> 00:16:22,483
It looks like backstage
at an Elton John concert!
349
00:16:22,561 --> 00:16:23,721
Cut it out!
This isn't funny!
350
00:16:23,796 --> 00:16:25,286
This is serious business!
351
00:16:25,364 --> 00:16:26,353
(moans)
352
00:16:26,432 --> 00:16:28,593
No Spartan goes to war...
353
00:16:28,668 --> 00:16:30,898
without first consulting...
354
00:16:30,970 --> 00:16:33,131
the oracle!
355
00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:39,236
(ethereal, ominous music plays)
356
00:16:53,159 --> 00:16:55,684
NARRATOR:
The prophets chose only the most beautiful...
357
00:16:55,761 --> 00:17:00,824
of Spartan girls to be their oracle.
358
00:17:02,902 --> 00:17:04,597
Oh-
359
00:17:04,670 --> 00:17:06,365
Ugly Betty?
360
00:17:06,439 --> 00:17:08,839
She has a great personality.
361
00:17:08,908 --> 00:17:10,307
##
362
00:17:12,345 --> 00:17:13,471
Eww!
363
00:17:13,546 --> 00:17:14,911
I look like Jabba the Hutt.
364
00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:16,345
That is hot to me.
365
00:17:16,415 --> 00:17:18,610
(sneezing)
366
00:17:18,684 --> 00:17:21,016
(exotic techno melody playing)
367
00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:29,384
(slurping)
368
00:17:36,135 --> 00:17:37,693
Oh-
369
00:17:38,604 --> 00:17:40,231
(whispering): See-nah skah-nah...
370
00:17:40,306 --> 00:17:43,571
labwana no-cho dame.
371
00:17:43,642 --> 00:17:47,043
"Fo' shizel my nizzel."
372
00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:50,048
(indistinct whispering)
373
00:17:50,116 --> 00:17:53,552
"Save the cheerleader...
save the world."
374
00:17:53,619 --> 00:17:56,349
Actually, I'm, I'm not into Heroes.
375
00:17:56,422 --> 00:17:58,515
"Douche bag says what?"
376
00:17:58,591 --> 00:17:59,387
What?
377
00:17:59,458 --> 00:18:00,857
(snickering)
378
00:18:00,926 --> 00:18:03,053
(prophets snickering)
379
00:18:03,129 --> 00:18:04,061
(whispering indistinctly)
380
00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:05,688
"Chest waxer says what?"
381
00:18:05,765 --> 00:18:06,663
- What?
- (snickering)
382
00:18:06,732 --> 00:18:07,926
(chortling)
383
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,662
(chuckling):
He walked into that one.
384
00:18:10,736 --> 00:18:12,931
What, what are you saying to me?
I don't understand.
385
00:18:13,005 --> 00:18:16,270
Go to war with Persia
and you will surely die.
386
00:18:18,944 --> 00:18:21,936
You're screwed, dude.
387
00:18:25,651 --> 00:18:28,643
(exotic, ethereal theme plays)
388
00:18:42,234 --> 00:18:47,069
(women laughing)
389
00:18:47,139 --> 00:18:48,163
What?!
390
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,969
(laughter continuing)
391
00:18:51,877 --> 00:18:54,846
He looks like a Ken doll!
392
00:18:54,914 --> 00:18:58,543
(laughter continues)
393
00:18:58,617 --> 00:18:59,879
It's cold!
394
00:19:19,472 --> 00:19:20,871
Tommy Lee?
395
00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:26,578
Shaq?
396
00:19:30,316 --> 00:19:31,715
Borat?
397
00:19:32,918 --> 00:19:34,351
(whispering): Oakland Raiders?
398
00:19:39,291 --> 00:19:41,657
Why is my king so restless?
399
00:19:41,727 --> 00:19:45,026
Can't sleep.
400
00:19:45,097 --> 00:19:48,965
It's this whole Battle
of Thermopylae thing.
401
00:19:49,034 --> 00:19:52,936
Are you still thinking about
what that young oracle said?
402
00:19:53,005 --> 00:19:54,438
(sighs)
403
00:19:54,507 --> 00:19:57,271
There's only one woman whose
words you should listen to.
404
00:19:58,544 --> 00:19:59,602
Oprah.
405
00:19:59,678 --> 00:20:00,975
Your wife?
406
00:20:01,046 --> 00:20:03,139
Right, right.
407
00:20:03,215 --> 00:20:05,410
How will I be tried...
408
00:20:05,484 --> 00:20:07,076
in the court of public opinion?
409
00:20:08,954 --> 00:20:12,117
Well, Harry Knowles
at "Ain't It Cool News"...
410
00:20:12,191 --> 00:20:15,752
says this movie is just
a cheap rip-off of 300.
411
00:20:18,063 --> 00:20:21,055
(woman laughing)
412
00:20:21,133 --> 00:20:22,464
- (grunts)
- (other women gasp)
413
00:20:22,535 --> 00:20:25,299
Even if the oracle
doesn't support you, I do.
414
00:20:25,371 --> 00:20:27,669
And Sparta does.
415
00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:29,765
This could be
our last night together.
416
00:20:30,876 --> 00:20:32,434
You wanna do it?
417
00:20:32,511 --> 00:20:34,411
Like we've never done it before.
418
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,641
(exhales)
419
00:20:38,484 --> 00:20:43,080
(passionate, breathy moaning)
420
00:20:56,068 --> 00:20:57,660
(sighs)
421
00:20:57,736 --> 00:21:01,103
...97... 98...
422
00:21:01,173 --> 00:21:03,641
...99...
423
00:21:03,709 --> 00:21:05,267
(grunting):100!
424
00:21:05,344 --> 00:21:08,404
Beat my record.
425
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:09,708
- (grunts)
- (shrieks)
426
00:21:14,587 --> 00:21:15,679
Captain.
427
00:21:15,754 --> 00:21:17,016
My king.
428
00:21:24,663 --> 00:21:26,324
Have you assembled
my army who are ready...
429
00:21:26,398 --> 00:21:29,265
to fight to the death
for the freedom of Sparta?
430
00:21:29,335 --> 00:21:30,461
Yes, King.
431
00:21:37,176 --> 00:21:39,440
I wanted 300.
432
00:21:39,511 --> 00:21:42,275
This seems like... less.
433
00:21:42,348 --> 00:21:44,282
These were the only men
who met with your stringent...
434
00:21:44,350 --> 00:21:46,284
specifications.
435
00:21:46,352 --> 00:21:48,616
"Hunky with deep
Mediterranean tans...
436
00:21:48,687 --> 00:21:50,086
"hot bods..."
437
00:21:50,155 --> 00:21:52,055
and, uh...
438
00:21:52,124 --> 00:21:52,954
Yes?
439
00:21:53,025 --> 00:21:54,287
"...well endowed."
440
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,622
SPARTANS: Haawoo! Haawoo!
441
00:21:55,694 --> 00:21:56,820
Haawoo!
442
00:21:56,895 --> 00:21:58,453
Ready to fight for you, my king!
443
00:21:58,530 --> 00:22:00,498
Never give up!
Never surrender!
444
00:22:00,566 --> 00:22:03,729
To infinity and beyond!
445
00:22:05,904 --> 00:22:08,031
CAPTAIN:
He has a lot of heart, my king.
446
00:22:08,107 --> 00:22:09,768
And nice man boobs.
447
00:22:14,279 --> 00:22:16,873
Indeed.
448
00:22:16,949 --> 00:22:19,213
These men will do.
449
00:22:19,284 --> 00:22:23,152
You are a fine captain, Captain.
450
00:22:23,222 --> 00:22:26,385
But a better friend...
there is none.
451
00:22:26,458 --> 00:22:28,085
Thank you.
452
00:22:40,339 --> 00:22:42,967
Thank you.
453
00:22:43,042 --> 00:22:44,270
Thank you.
454
00:22:44,343 --> 00:22:45,401
Mm-hm.
455
00:22:45,477 --> 00:22:46,409
Damn!
456
00:22:47,713 --> 00:22:50,682
He's got a huge package.
457
00:22:55,521 --> 00:22:58,285
I brought you some fudge.
Mom said that you like to pack it.
458
00:22:58,357 --> 00:23:00,086
She's a good woman.
459
00:23:00,159 --> 00:23:02,252
Good-bye, Father.
460
00:23:02,428 --> 00:23:03,690
(sighs): Farewell, my son.
461
00:23:03,762 --> 00:23:05,423
(Leonidas clears throat)
462
00:23:05,497 --> 00:23:07,692
Introductions?
463
00:23:07,766 --> 00:23:10,098
King Leonidas,
this is my son, Sonio.
464
00:23:10,169 --> 00:23:11,693
My king.
465
00:23:11,770 --> 00:23:14,204
Why is he not fighting?
466
00:23:14,273 --> 00:23:15,467
Well, he is not a warrior.
467
00:23:15,541 --> 00:23:16,735
And he's my only son...
468
00:23:16,809 --> 00:23:19,277
destined to carry on my name.
469
00:23:20,913 --> 00:23:22,471
What do you think?
470
00:23:22,548 --> 00:23:24,641
Yummy.
471
00:23:24,717 --> 00:23:26,708
Work it, sister.
472
00:23:26,785 --> 00:23:28,878
I think he's fierce.
473
00:23:28,954 --> 00:23:30,216
(rap beat plays)
474
00:23:30,289 --> 00:23:31,847
# Come and give it 2 me #
475
00:23:31,924 --> 00:23:34,825
#You know you want my body,
need my body #
476
00:23:34,893 --> 00:23:36,121
# Show me them goodies... #
477
00:23:36,195 --> 00:23:37,457
And if you don't like it...
478
00:23:37,529 --> 00:23:40,054
you can kiss my fat ass!
479
00:23:40,132 --> 00:23:42,259
(smacks)
480
00:23:42,334 --> 00:23:43,301
Ooh!
Oh!
481
00:23:43,368 --> 00:23:44,300
#... Watchin' your curves #
482
00:23:44,369 --> 00:23:45,358
#Thinking of words, baby #
483
00:23:45,437 --> 00:23:46,404
# My vision is blurred... #
484
00:23:46,472 --> 00:23:48,463
Congratulations, Sonio.
485
00:23:48,540 --> 00:23:50,599
You're now on your way
to becoming Sparta's...
486
00:23:50,676 --> 00:23:52,109
(whispering): next top warrior!
487
00:23:52,177 --> 00:23:53,144
#... right where my mind is #
488
00:23:53,212 --> 00:23:54,873
# Gimme your goody
and your body #
489
00:23:54,947 --> 00:23:56,175
# Uh! Come and give it 2 me #
490
00:23:56,248 --> 00:23:58,512
#You know you want my body,
need my body #
491
00:23:58,584 --> 00:24:00,211
# Show me them goodies #
492
00:24:00,285 --> 00:24:03,345
#You're gonna love my body,
touch my body... #
493
00:24:03,422 --> 00:24:05,117
QUEEN MARGO: Spartan!
494
00:24:12,397 --> 00:24:15,332
(sighs): My child...
495
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,664
I shall never forget you.
496
00:24:17,736 --> 00:24:20,068
You are so small now...
497
00:24:20,139 --> 00:24:23,472
but one day you will grow
to be big and strong...
498
00:24:23,542 --> 00:24:24,839
like your father.
499
00:24:24,910 --> 00:24:26,275
That's not your son.
500
00:24:27,913 --> 00:24:29,778
You asshole.
501
00:24:37,089 --> 00:24:38,647
Take care of your mother.
502
00:24:42,761 --> 00:24:43,785
Stay tough, Son.
503
00:24:49,768 --> 00:24:51,668
Come back with your shield...
504
00:24:51,737 --> 00:24:53,568
or on it.
505
00:24:53,639 --> 00:24:57,166
And if I come back on it,
I want you to move on.
506
00:24:57,242 --> 00:24:59,210
I would never.
507
00:24:59,278 --> 00:25:01,371
Hell, if you died,
I'd play the field.
508
00:25:01,446 --> 00:25:02,970
To be honest...
509
00:25:03,048 --> 00:25:06,484
I've always wanted
to do a fat chick.
510
00:25:16,094 --> 00:25:18,085
(gentle theme plays)
511
00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:30,331
##
512
00:25:34,913 --> 00:25:36,881
The men are ready, my king.
513
00:25:36,949 --> 00:25:40,214
Good. We'll head south
to the Hot Gates...
514
00:25:40,285 --> 00:25:42,549
where we'll intercept
the Persian army.
515
00:25:42,621 --> 00:25:43,986
Where are you going?
516
00:25:44,056 --> 00:25:47,025
The oracle said if we went
to war, we'd be screwed.
517
00:25:47,092 --> 00:25:51,654
The oracle also said that
our painted-on abs look fake.
518
00:25:51,730 --> 00:25:53,595
But I beg to differ.
519
00:25:53,665 --> 00:25:57,931
(spray nozzle hissing)
520
00:25:58,003 --> 00:26:00,096
(giggling)
521
00:26:02,274 --> 00:26:04,367
Give the order, Captain.
522
00:26:05,444 --> 00:26:08,038
- (keypad beeping)
- Spartans! In formation!
523
00:26:08,113 --> 00:26:09,444
OTHERS: Ah-ooh!
524
00:26:09,514 --> 00:26:12,381
(whispering) Spartans heading south.
525
00:26:20,158 --> 00:26:21,455
Move out!
526
00:26:21,526 --> 00:26:24,256
(lively disco beat plays)
527
00:26:24,329 --> 00:26:25,853
SPARTANS:
# Oh, no, not I #
528
00:26:25,931 --> 00:26:27,660
# I will survive #
529
00:26:27,733 --> 00:26:30,497
# Oh, as long
as I know how to love #
530
00:26:30,569 --> 00:26:32,400
# I know I'll stay alive #
531
00:26:32,471 --> 00:26:34,302
# I've got all my life to live #
532
00:26:34,373 --> 00:26:36,432
# I've got all
my love to give #
533
00:26:36,508 --> 00:26:38,169
#And I'll survive #
534
00:26:38,243 --> 00:26:40,438
# I will survive #
535
00:26:40,512 --> 00:26:42,309
# Hey, hey #
536
00:26:42,381 --> 00:26:44,008
Woo!
537
00:26:44,082 --> 00:26:46,073
(melody continues)
538
00:26:52,925 --> 00:26:54,825
WOMAN:
# I'll survive #
539
00:26:54,893 --> 00:26:56,758
# I will survive #
540
00:26:56,828 --> 00:26:58,955
# I will survive! #
541
00:26:59,031 --> 00:27:00,623
#Yeah #
542
00:27:00,699 --> 00:27:01,757
# Ooh... #
543
00:27:01,833 --> 00:27:03,460
NARRATOR: The fearless Spartans...
544
00:27:03,535 --> 00:27:06,231
reached the Hot Gates...
545
00:27:06,305 --> 00:27:09,968
where danger lurked
around every corner.
546
00:27:10,175 --> 00:27:11,802
(ominous theme plays)
547
00:27:11,877 --> 00:27:14,675
Halt skipping!
548
00:27:14,746 --> 00:27:16,941
(exhausted groans)
549
00:27:18,417 --> 00:27:20,351
Exhausted from thejourney...
550
00:27:20,419 --> 00:27:24,321
the Spartans replenished
their electrolytes.
551
00:27:24,389 --> 00:27:27,290
(exciting, dramatic music playing)
552
00:27:31,363 --> 00:27:34,196
Gatorade. Is it in you?
553
00:27:34,266 --> 00:27:36,496
(music finishes with a flourish)
554
00:27:36,568 --> 00:27:39,469
(chomping, grunting)
555
00:27:40,806 --> 00:27:42,706
What do you think, my king?
556
00:27:42,774 --> 00:27:45,402
We'll use the narrow
passageway of the Hot Gates...
557
00:27:45,477 --> 00:27:47,274
to funnel the Persians in...
558
00:27:47,346 --> 00:27:50,747
where their vast numbers
won't count for shit.
559
00:27:50,816 --> 00:27:53,341
Captain, have the men found
any other trails...
560
00:27:53,418 --> 00:27:55,818
that the Persians
could use to attack us?
561
00:27:55,887 --> 00:27:57,320
None, sir.
562
00:27:57,389 --> 00:28:00,916
WOMAN (in low, distorted voice):
I know such a road, my king.
563
00:28:07,833 --> 00:28:10,267
Back off, hideous creature.
564
00:28:10,335 --> 00:28:12,496
There's a secret goat path
just above the Hot Gates.
565
00:28:12,571 --> 00:28:15,165
If the Persians found it,
they could outflank you.
566
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:16,707
Slow your roll, Captain.
567
00:28:18,577 --> 00:28:20,568
Reveal yourself, creature.
568
00:28:24,449 --> 00:28:25,609
Paris Hilton?
569
00:28:25,684 --> 00:28:26,708
Hey, fellas.
570
00:28:26,785 --> 00:28:28,275
What happened to you?
571
00:28:28,353 --> 00:28:30,844
(chuckles): Oh.
You mean the hump?
572
00:28:31,890 --> 00:28:33,448
Yeah. The hump.
573
00:28:33,525 --> 00:28:35,288
It was all that,
"You're going to jail.
574
00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:36,884
"Now you can get out of jail.
575
00:28:36,962 --> 00:28:38,259
Now you're going back to jail."
576
00:28:38,330 --> 00:28:41,595
And on and on and on and on- Ugh.
577
00:28:41,666 --> 00:28:43,361
It's just been really confusing.
578
00:28:43,435 --> 00:28:45,494
I mean, even Tinkerbell's
affected by it.
579
00:28:45,570 --> 00:28:46,935
She hasn't moved since Saturday.
580
00:28:47,005 --> 00:28:48,905
But she still poops, which is weird.
581
00:28:48,974 --> 00:28:50,532
(sighs): And me...
582
00:28:50,609 --> 00:28:53,237
they've turned me into this, like...
583
00:28:53,311 --> 00:28:55,905
totally grotesque monster!
584
00:28:55,981 --> 00:28:57,949
(crying): And I don't
even know... oh.
585
00:28:58,016 --> 00:29:00,041
(hip-hop ringtone plays):
# Do tha hump-de-hump... #
586
00:29:00,118 --> 00:29:02,109
Hang on a minute.
587
00:29:02,187 --> 00:29:05,452
Oh- (groans)
588
00:29:06,525 --> 00:29:07,549
Hello?
589
00:29:07,626 --> 00:29:08,786
Oh, hey, Nicole.
590
00:29:08,860 --> 00:29:10,794
Nothing. Just some guys with swords.
591
00:29:10,862 --> 00:29:12,989
No, I'm talking about their
actual swords, Nicole.
592
00:29:13,065 --> 00:29:14,327
You're gross.
593
00:29:14,399 --> 00:29:15,991
Yeah, I'm hungry.
Did you eat?
594
00:29:16,068 --> 00:29:17,433
Oh, you ate an almond?
595
00:29:17,502 --> 00:29:19,595
Oh, yeah, you're done
eating for the day.
596
00:29:19,671 --> 00:29:22,606
Okay. And then let's go to Pinkberry.
597
00:29:22,674 --> 00:29:23,834
Bye, sexy.
598
00:29:23,909 --> 00:29:24,898
(kiss)
599
00:29:24,976 --> 00:29:26,204
(laughs)
600
00:29:26,278 --> 00:29:27,438
Look...
601
00:29:27,512 --> 00:29:29,946
it's my dream to be a Spartan.
602
00:29:30,015 --> 00:29:35,317
I want to fight for you,
my king.
603
00:29:37,389 --> 00:29:41,826
- What can you do?
- Well- Mmm.
604
00:29:41,893 --> 00:29:45,556
Have you seen my video?
605
00:29:45,630 --> 00:29:48,963
I don't like the way
you handle a spear.
606
00:29:49,034 --> 00:29:51,832
You grip the shaft firmly.
607
00:29:51,903 --> 00:29:54,030
Then with one hand on the base...
608
00:29:54,106 --> 00:29:57,405
you slide the other
all the way up to the tip.
609
00:29:58,577 --> 00:30:01,341
That's hot.
610
00:30:03,515 --> 00:30:06,040
I'm sorry,
but we cannot use you.
611
00:30:06,118 --> 00:30:07,949
(groans, pants)
612
00:30:08,019 --> 00:30:09,247
No!
613
00:30:09,321 --> 00:30:11,516
It's not fair!
614
00:30:11,590 --> 00:30:15,185
Mom!
615
00:30:17,796 --> 00:30:21,630
You'll be sorry!
You're making a terrible mistake!
616
00:30:21,700 --> 00:30:23,167
(yells)
617
00:30:23,235 --> 00:30:26,398
I'm not as stupid as I look!
618
00:30:26,471 --> 00:30:27,665
(clang)
619
00:30:27,739 --> 00:30:29,673
(groaning)
620
00:30:29,741 --> 00:30:31,504
Help.
621
00:30:31,710 --> 00:30:33,701
- Look! Persians!
- (indistinct chatter)
622
00:30:35,614 --> 00:30:39,448
(footsteps thudding)
623
00:30:44,589 --> 00:30:47,581
(ominous theme playing)
624
00:30:55,834 --> 00:30:58,632
##
625
00:31:09,281 --> 00:31:12,250
##
626
00:31:12,317 --> 00:31:16,617
I am the emissary
to the great god-king Xerxes...
627
00:31:16,688 --> 00:31:19,213
come to accept your surrender.
628
00:31:19,291 --> 00:31:21,486
Oh, we're not here to surrender.
629
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:22,720
ALL: Haawoo!
630
00:31:22,794 --> 00:31:25,922
(laughs)
631
00:31:25,997 --> 00:31:28,591
Xerxes will enjoy making you
his slaves.
632
00:31:29,734 --> 00:31:30,996
(yelling)
633
00:31:40,178 --> 00:31:42,510
(yelling continues)
634
00:31:42,581 --> 00:31:44,515
(grunts)
635
00:31:44,583 --> 00:31:46,414
(groans)
636
00:31:47,018 --> 00:31:48,280
(shrieks)
637
00:31:48,353 --> 00:31:49,581
- (whispers): Ow.
- (whimpers)
638
00:31:50,589 --> 00:31:52,056
(exhales)
639
00:31:52,123 --> 00:31:53,647
Spartans!
640
00:31:53,725 --> 00:31:55,454
ALL: Yah!
641
00:31:55,527 --> 00:31:57,358
Let's battle!
642
00:31:57,629 --> 00:31:58,789
(exhales)
643
00:31:58,863 --> 00:32:01,195
Oh, we about to stomp the yard.
644
00:32:05,537 --> 00:32:07,095
SPARTANS (chanting):
We are the Spartans.
645
00:32:08,406 --> 00:32:09,532
We stomp the yard.
646
00:32:09,608 --> 00:32:11,667
Check out our buns.
647
00:32:11,743 --> 00:32:14,371
They are rock hard.
648
00:32:15,247 --> 00:32:16,839
(snooty chuckling)
649
00:32:16,915 --> 00:32:17,847
Ooh, ooh.
650
00:32:17,916 --> 00:32:19,781
Spartans!
651
00:32:19,851 --> 00:32:20,818
Yeah!
652
00:32:20,885 --> 00:32:23,820
(Spartans cheering)
653
00:32:25,457 --> 00:32:27,948
Persians!
654
00:32:28,026 --> 00:32:30,085
Let's show 'em
why we're national champs...
655
00:32:30,161 --> 00:32:31,560
three years runnin'.
656
00:32:31,630 --> 00:32:32,654
You dig?
657
00:32:32,731 --> 00:32:34,221
(muttering)
658
00:32:39,571 --> 00:32:41,129
- (derisive moans)
- Oh, come on.
659
00:32:41,206 --> 00:32:43,868
(chanting): We like wearing
turbans and eating baklava.
660
00:32:43,942 --> 00:32:45,739
We like chicks with burkas...
661
00:32:45,810 --> 00:32:47,300
that cover their ta-tas.
662
00:32:47,379 --> 00:32:50,473
Ooh, ah! Ooh, ah!
663
00:32:50,548 --> 00:32:52,914
Persians, huh!
664
00:32:54,319 --> 00:32:56,879
- (derisive muttering)
- You're joking, right?
665
00:32:56,955 --> 00:32:58,820
(horrified cries)
666
00:33:01,426 --> 00:33:03,394
Man, come on.
667
00:33:03,461 --> 00:33:04,894
("Tambourine" by Eve playing)
668
00:33:04,963 --> 00:33:06,988
- #You gotta shake your ass #
- Let's go!
669
00:33:07,065 --> 00:33:08,396
# Shake your tambourine #
670
00:33:08,466 --> 00:33:10,093
# Go and get yourself a whistle,
shake your tambourine #
671
00:33:10,168 --> 00:33:11,931
# Go and get yourself
a whistle #
672
00:33:12,003 --> 00:33:13,061
# Shake your tambourine... #
673
00:33:13,138 --> 00:33:14,162
# Ladies! #
674
00:33:14,239 --> 00:33:15,433
# Shake your tambourine... #
675
00:33:15,507 --> 00:33:17,168
- # Ladies! #
- # Shake your tambourine... #
676
00:33:17,242 --> 00:33:19,767
# Shake, shake, shake, shake #
677
00:33:19,844 --> 00:33:21,869
# Shake, shake, shake, shake #
678
00:33:21,946 --> 00:33:23,004
# Shake, shake, shake, shake #
679
00:33:23,081 --> 00:33:24,207
# Shake your tambourine... #
680
00:33:24,282 --> 00:33:25,909
# Ladies and gentlemen #
681
00:33:25,984 --> 00:33:27,383
# E-V-E come through
in the Mazarat' #
682
00:33:27,452 --> 00:33:29,613
# Doin' it big like I live
in the Taj Mahal... #
683
00:33:29,688 --> 00:33:30,620
ALL: Yeah!
684
00:33:30,689 --> 00:33:32,589
(shouting, taunting)
685
00:33:35,093 --> 00:33:37,687
#That's real, been the chick
that they talked about #
686
00:33:37,762 --> 00:33:40,697
# "God damn" is the words
that come out they mouth... #
687
00:33:40,765 --> 00:33:41,857
Oh-
688
00:33:41,933 --> 00:33:42,922
#Ask for her #
689
00:33:43,001 --> 00:33:44,229
#Yeah, she back
and cakin' out #
690
00:33:44,302 --> 00:33:46,065
- # Ladies! #
- # Shake your tambourine... #
691
00:33:46,137 --> 00:33:47,729
##
692
00:33:56,681 --> 00:33:59,172
Oh, please, take a hike.
693
00:33:59,250 --> 00:34:01,844
# Shake your tambourine,
go and get yourself a whistle #
694
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:03,945
# Shake your tambourine, go
and get yourself a whistle #
695
00:34:04,022 --> 00:34:06,081
#They be watchin' while we wiggle around
Look at 'em droolin' #
696
00:34:06,157 --> 00:34:09,092
# Niggas ain't used to this sound
I keep 'em movin' #
697
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,060
# Put your hands in the air
It's all right now #
698
00:34:11,129 --> 00:34:12,653
#We gonna keep you up
on your feet the whole night #
699
00:34:12,731 --> 00:34:14,892
# Now pop them bottles
Yeah, drink that up #
700
00:34:14,966 --> 00:34:17,264
(rhythmic grunting)
701
00:34:17,335 --> 00:34:18,529
Yeah!
702
00:34:18,603 --> 00:34:20,594
(grunting)
703
00:34:20,672 --> 00:34:22,640
(crowd cheering)
704
00:34:22,707 --> 00:34:25,232
(cheering, whistling)
705
00:34:25,310 --> 00:34:27,972
##
706
00:34:28,046 --> 00:34:30,606
(crowd booing)
707
00:34:31,649 --> 00:34:35,210
(cheering)
708
00:34:35,286 --> 00:34:37,720
(crowd jeers)
709
00:34:44,829 --> 00:34:47,457
(cheering, whistling)
710
00:34:47,532 --> 00:34:49,432
(grunts)
711
00:34:49,501 --> 00:34:52,231
# Get low, get low, then
pick up, pick up, get your #
712
00:34:52,303 --> 00:34:54,100
# Hands in the air,
it's a stick up, stick up #
713
00:34:54,172 --> 00:34:55,161
# Shake your tambourine... #
714
00:34:55,240 --> 00:34:57,299
(crowd jeering loudly)
715
00:34:57,375 --> 00:34:58,672
(all grunt in unison)
716
00:34:58,743 --> 00:35:00,608
# Shake it to the floor,
gotta love dat #
717
00:35:00,678 --> 00:35:02,908
# How she keep it going on,
gotta love dat #
718
00:35:02,981 --> 00:35:05,176
#To the beat like a pro,
know you love dat #
719
00:35:05,250 --> 00:35:08,083
- (thud, grunt)
- CROWD: Oh!
720
00:35:08,153 --> 00:35:09,950
(groaning)
721
00:35:10,021 --> 00:35:11,420
##
722
00:35:11,489 --> 00:35:12,820
(groaning)
723
00:35:12,891 --> 00:35:15,155
- (music pauses)
- Don't come up in my kitchen...
724
00:35:15,226 --> 00:35:17,387
with that weak-ass shit.
725
00:35:17,462 --> 00:35:19,089
#You gotta shake your ass #
726
00:35:19,164 --> 00:35:21,530
# Shake your tambourine, go
and get yourself a whistle and #
727
00:35:21,599 --> 00:35:24,363
# Shake your tambourine, go and
get yourself a whistle and #
728
00:35:24,436 --> 00:35:26,233
# Shake your tambourine, go
and get yourself a whistle and #
729
00:35:26,304 --> 00:35:27,669
# Shake your tambourine... #
730
00:35:27,739 --> 00:35:30,902
(screeching, squeaking)
731
00:35:30,975 --> 00:35:34,035
# Shake your tambourine, go
and get yourself a whistle and #
732
00:35:34,112 --> 00:35:37,548
- (loud crack)
- (groaning) Eee! Ooh!
733
00:35:37,615 --> 00:35:38,843
(grunts)
734
00:35:38,917 --> 00:35:40,316
(crack)
735
00:35:40,385 --> 00:35:41,647
(exhales)
736
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,186
You got served!
737
00:35:43,388 --> 00:35:45,288
(cheers, shouts, whooping)
738
00:35:45,356 --> 00:35:48,519
(lively swing music plays)
739
00:35:50,361 --> 00:35:52,852
(cheering, whooping)
740
00:35:53,965 --> 00:35:55,660
- (cheers, whistles)
- (triumphant grunt)
741
00:35:57,635 --> 00:36:00,433
(crowd cheering, whistling)
742
00:36:03,441 --> 00:36:05,068
You telling me we lost?
743
00:36:05,143 --> 00:36:07,304
Dance them to the cliffs!
744
00:36:07,378 --> 00:36:09,073
LEONIDAS: No mercy!
745
00:36:09,147 --> 00:36:10,671
Come on, man,
can we talk about this?
746
00:36:10,748 --> 00:36:12,238
Yo, I just met
these dudes right here.
747
00:36:12,317 --> 00:36:13,249
I don't even know them.
748
00:36:13,318 --> 00:36:16,617
CAPTAIN: Onward! Keep dancing, boys!
749
00:36:16,688 --> 00:36:18,315
(fierce yell)
750
00:36:18,389 --> 00:36:20,357
(echoing scream)
751
00:36:21,759 --> 00:36:23,693
(shrieking)
752
00:36:23,761 --> 00:36:26,753
(ominous, dramatic theme plays)
753
00:36:33,571 --> 00:36:37,302
- Last one in is a rotten egg!
- Cannonball!
754
00:36:37,375 --> 00:36:38,535
Marco!
755
00:36:40,578 --> 00:36:41,772
(splash)
756
00:36:41,846 --> 00:36:44,440
(echoing): Polo!
757
00:36:44,516 --> 00:36:45,813
(splash)
758
00:36:45,884 --> 00:36:47,681
ALL: Hyah!
759
00:36:47,752 --> 00:36:48,377
(scattered laughter)
760
00:36:49,587 --> 00:36:53,284
We may have won the battle,
but they will win the war!
761
00:36:53,358 --> 00:36:54,791
ALL: Hyah! What?
762
00:36:54,859 --> 00:36:56,019
##
763
00:36:56,261 --> 00:36:58,092
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Buttmeister presents...
764
00:36:58,162 --> 00:37:00,187
"Real Men of Genius."
765
00:37:00,265 --> 00:37:02,790
MALE SINGER:
# Real men of genius! #
766
00:37:02,867 --> 00:37:04,300
Today we salute you...
767
00:37:04,369 --> 00:37:06,837
Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual.
768
00:37:06,905 --> 00:37:10,306
# Mr. Warmongering
Latent Homosexual! #
769
00:37:10,375 --> 00:37:12,707
Wearing nothing but
leather underwear and a cape...
770
00:37:12,777 --> 00:37:15,803
you charge your enemy like
an oiled-up hairless wonder.
771
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,872
# Spray-on tan! #
772
00:37:18,950 --> 00:37:20,315
Sure, there's danger-
773
00:37:20,385 --> 00:37:22,353
charging rhinos,
stampeding elephants...
774
00:37:22,420 --> 00:37:26,379
and that cute toga-wearing guy
named Chad.
775
00:37:26,457 --> 00:37:27,754
# Ooh! #
776
00:37:27,825 --> 00:37:29,520
You only went out on one date...
777
00:37:29,594 --> 00:37:30,822
but you'll remember it...
778
00:37:30,895 --> 00:37:32,863
(echoing): forever, forever...
779
00:37:32,931 --> 00:37:35,832
#Take your daily Valtrex! #
780
00:37:35,900 --> 00:37:38,994
Your keen instincts tell you
to cut, slice and chop...
781
00:37:39,070 --> 00:37:40,697
every man you see.
782
00:37:40,772 --> 00:37:43,400
But enough about your career
as a hair stylist...
783
00:37:43,474 --> 00:37:45,203
let's talk war.
784
00:37:45,276 --> 00:37:47,904
# Ow! That curling
iron is hot! #
785
00:37:47,979 --> 00:37:50,447
So this Butt's for you,
King Leonidas...
786
00:37:50,515 --> 00:37:52,346
because when the going gets tough...
787
00:37:52,417 --> 00:37:54,078
the tough go antiquing.
788
00:37:54,152 --> 00:37:58,589
# Mr. Warmongering
Latent Homosexual... #
789
00:38:00,391 --> 00:38:01,790
#Yeah. #
790
00:38:03,161 --> 00:38:04,685
Queen Margo...
791
00:38:04,762 --> 00:38:06,787
we must speak.
792
00:38:06,864 --> 00:38:08,354
(exhales)
793
00:38:08,433 --> 00:38:10,663
Loyalist, what do you want?
794
00:38:13,371 --> 00:38:15,805
Nice tomatoes.
795
00:38:15,873 --> 00:38:18,433
Your husband needs you.
796
00:38:18,509 --> 00:38:20,272
(sighs)
797
00:38:20,345 --> 00:38:21,972
You must convince the council...
798
00:38:22,046 --> 00:38:24,446
to send more troops
to support your husband.
799
00:38:24,515 --> 00:38:26,005
My husband is dead.
800
00:38:26,084 --> 00:38:27,847
He told me to move on.
801
00:38:27,919 --> 00:38:30,820
Besides, I'm already
registered on J Date.
802
00:38:30,888 --> 00:38:32,515
A little to the right.
803
00:38:32,590 --> 00:38:33,989
- (soft crunching)
- That's it.
804
00:38:34,058 --> 00:38:36,754
If Leonidas fails,
Xerxes will take over...
805
00:38:36,828 --> 00:38:39,456
and you will be stripped
of your crown.
806
00:38:39,530 --> 00:38:41,964
I won't be queen?
807
00:38:42,033 --> 00:38:44,126
- (masseuse grunts)
- Ow! That's too hard.
808
00:38:44,202 --> 00:38:45,965
You will lose everything.
809
00:38:46,037 --> 00:38:48,028
Ow! Ooh, stop.
810
00:38:48,106 --> 00:38:50,472
Your palace, your Mercedes...
811
00:38:50,541 --> 00:38:51,667
Hi-yah!
812
00:38:51,743 --> 00:38:53,540
- Ow!
...your Nintendo Wii...
813
00:38:53,611 --> 00:38:54,703
- (grunts)
- No, no, no, no, no.
814
00:38:54,779 --> 00:38:55,871
- (grunts)
- Ow!
815
00:38:55,947 --> 00:38:58,313
...your vaginal regeneration surgeon...
816
00:38:58,383 --> 00:38:59,645
Hi... yah!
817
00:38:59,717 --> 00:39:00,979
...your gardener.
818
00:39:01,052 --> 00:39:01,848
(gasps)
819
00:39:04,122 --> 00:39:05,885
Antonio?
820
00:39:08,126 --> 00:39:09,354
(leaf blower whirring)
821
00:39:09,427 --> 00:39:11,918
(lively Latin disco music playing)
822
00:39:11,996 --> 00:39:13,258
(passionate sigh)
823
00:39:13,331 --> 00:39:15,822
(music continues)
824
00:39:18,102 --> 00:39:19,535
(kisses, blows)
825
00:39:21,806 --> 00:39:23,603
My husband needs me.
826
00:39:23,675 --> 00:39:25,267
I'll do whatever it takes.
827
00:39:25,343 --> 00:39:26,503
I will set...
828
00:39:26,577 --> 00:39:28,306
the meeting with the council.
829
00:39:28,379 --> 00:39:30,279
But in order to win their vote...
830
00:39:30,348 --> 00:39:33,215
you will need to get
Traitoro's support.
831
00:39:35,353 --> 00:39:37,617
He holds great influence...
832
00:39:37,689 --> 00:39:39,452
with the council.
833
00:39:39,524 --> 00:39:40,718
(masseuse yells)
834
00:39:40,792 --> 00:39:43,420
QUEEN MARGO:
There better be a happy ending.
835
00:39:43,628 --> 00:39:46,028
(indistinct chatter)
836
00:39:53,204 --> 00:39:55,399
King Leonidas!
837
00:39:55,473 --> 00:39:57,065
Xerxes approaches.
838
00:39:58,109 --> 00:39:59,440
NARRATOR: Xerxes.
839
00:39:59,510 --> 00:40:02,741
He looked a lot like
that fat guy from Borat.
840
00:40:02,814 --> 00:40:05,908
(exotic theme plays)
841
00:40:08,786 --> 00:40:11,482
I am the great god-king Xerxes.
842
00:40:11,556 --> 00:40:12,716
- (loud rip)
- Ooh!
843
00:40:12,790 --> 00:40:13,620
ALL: Ooh!
844
00:40:13,691 --> 00:40:16,592
(groans, hisses in pain)
845
00:40:16,661 --> 00:40:18,060
Ow, ow, ow!
846
00:40:18,129 --> 00:40:19,892
Not again!
That always happens.
847
00:40:21,165 --> 00:40:22,723
- (stapler clacks)
- OTHERS: Ow!
848
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,233
(groans)
849
00:40:24,302 --> 00:40:25,735
(stapler clatters)
850
00:40:25,803 --> 00:40:26,895
Whew!
851
00:40:28,206 --> 00:40:30,401
(exhales sharply)
852
00:40:36,681 --> 00:40:39,673
- (cracking)
- (men groaning)
853
00:40:39,751 --> 00:40:40,809
(yells, thuds)
854
00:40:40,885 --> 00:40:42,147
ALL: Damn!
855
00:40:45,323 --> 00:40:47,018
- Oh, s-sorry, Xerxes.
- It's cool.
856
00:40:47,091 --> 00:40:48,786
It's cool, cool. I'm fine.
857
00:40:48,860 --> 00:40:50,851
I meant to do that.
(chuckles)
858
00:40:50,928 --> 00:40:52,122
- (gunshot)
- (grunts)
859
00:40:52,196 --> 00:40:53,527
ALL: Oh, shit!
860
00:40:53,598 --> 00:40:55,225
I'll tell you, kid, you got balls.
861
00:40:55,299 --> 00:40:56,891
I come over here with a big army.
862
00:40:56,968 --> 00:40:58,526
We going to shish kebab your ass.
863
00:40:58,603 --> 00:41:01,265
Before this battle is over...
864
00:41:01,339 --> 00:41:02,931
people will know...
865
00:41:03,007 --> 00:41:05,032
that even a god-king can fall.
866
00:41:05,109 --> 00:41:07,634
Listen, Leo, I came here to talk.
867
00:41:07,712 --> 00:41:10,044
Just listen to my deal.
868
00:41:12,450 --> 00:41:14,111
Ladies!
869
00:41:14,185 --> 00:41:16,619
WOMEN: Hi, Xerxes.
870
00:41:16,687 --> 00:41:17,984
(laughter)
871
00:41:18,055 --> 00:41:20,353
- (phone ringing)
- Ah, that's probably for me.
872
00:41:21,492 --> 00:41:22,652
Hello?
873
00:41:22,727 --> 00:41:24,319
Really?
874
00:41:24,395 --> 00:41:26,363
Okay.
875
00:41:27,431 --> 00:41:28,625
That was the banker.
876
00:41:28,699 --> 00:41:29,893
He's offering...
877
00:41:29,967 --> 00:41:31,992
to buy back your briefcase...
878
00:41:32,069 --> 00:41:34,162
for a weekend getaway for two...
879
00:41:34,238 --> 00:41:36,331
in Las Vegas, Nevada...
880
00:41:36,407 --> 00:41:38,034
at the Palms Hotel and Casino!
881
00:41:38,109 --> 00:41:39,667
WOMEN: Ooh...
882
00:41:39,744 --> 00:41:41,006
I've always wanted to go there!
883
00:41:41,078 --> 00:41:44,479
All you have to do
is bow down to me...
884
00:41:45,516 --> 00:41:47,643
...and surrender Sparta.
885
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:50,314
Deal...
886
00:41:50,388 --> 00:41:51,878
or no deal?
887
00:41:51,956 --> 00:41:53,253
(Spartans shouting advice)
888
00:41:53,324 --> 00:41:54,882
- Deal!
- Deal!
- Take it!
889
00:41:54,959 --> 00:41:56,221
Take the deal!
890
00:41:56,294 --> 00:41:57,886
You think I should? No!
891
00:41:57,962 --> 00:41:59,122
- Take the deal!
- It's simple.
892
00:41:59,197 --> 00:42:00,425
- Take the deal!
- Come on!
893
00:42:00,498 --> 00:42:01,897
What about Sparta?
894
00:42:01,966 --> 00:42:02,990
- Hit the button!
- Come on!
895
00:42:03,067 --> 00:42:05,035
WOMEN: Take the deal! Take it!
896
00:42:05,102 --> 00:42:06,899
- Take it!
- Take the deal!
897
00:42:06,971 --> 00:42:08,063
Hit the button!
898
00:42:08,139 --> 00:42:09,902
(shouting continues)
899
00:42:09,974 --> 00:42:10,770
Take it!
900
00:42:10,842 --> 00:42:13,538
No deal!
901
00:42:13,611 --> 00:42:16,045
- (groans, angry grunts)
- Oh, great!
902
00:42:16,113 --> 00:42:18,343
By the time I'm finished with you...
903
00:42:18,416 --> 00:42:20,384
Sparta will be annihilated.
904
00:42:20,451 --> 00:42:23,079
It will be as though
you never existed.
905
00:42:23,154 --> 00:42:24,883
I will see to it that you are...
906
00:42:24,956 --> 00:42:26,446
written out of the history books.
907
00:42:27,792 --> 00:42:31,228
Well, that's fine by me, Xerxes...
908
00:42:31,295 --> 00:42:33,763
because I can't read.
909
00:42:33,965 --> 00:42:35,865
(slow, ominous theme plays)
910
00:42:35,933 --> 00:42:39,300
NARRATOR:
Xerxes didn't take rejection well.
911
00:42:39,370 --> 00:42:42,464
From every corner of his empire...
912
00:42:42,540 --> 00:42:45,703
he sent his most
vicious warriors to fight.
913
00:42:45,776 --> 00:42:48,176
Yo mama's so ghetto,
when she breast-feeds...
914
00:42:48,246 --> 00:42:50,214
Kool-Aid comes out!
915
00:42:50,281 --> 00:42:52,545
(derisive shouts, laughter)
916
00:42:57,321 --> 00:42:59,881
Yo mama's so stupid,
she thought Tupac Shakur...
917
00:42:59,957 --> 00:43:01,925
was a Jewish holiday!
918
00:43:01,993 --> 00:43:04,723
(derisive shouts, laughter)
919
00:43:04,795 --> 00:43:06,922
(clucking like a chicken)
920
00:43:08,699 --> 00:43:10,792
Get her, Dilio!
921
00:43:10,868 --> 00:43:14,304
Yo mama's so fat, her
pants size is, um, um, um...
922
00:43:14,372 --> 00:43:16,135
"Bitch, lose some weight"!
923
00:43:16,207 --> 00:43:17,936
(laughter, shouts)
924
00:43:18,009 --> 00:43:19,237
Your mama's so butch...
925
00:43:19,310 --> 00:43:21,335
Rosie O'Donnell
wouldn't even date her.
926
00:43:21,412 --> 00:43:24,006
Uh-uh! No, you didn't!
No, you didn't!
927
00:43:24,081 --> 00:43:25,412
- Whoa!
- No, you didn't!
928
00:43:25,483 --> 00:43:28,509
Well, yo mama titties
is smaller than yours.
929
00:43:28,586 --> 00:43:31,419
(others hooting)
930
00:43:31,489 --> 00:43:33,753
Bounce some D's on that bitch!
931
00:43:33,824 --> 00:43:36,418
Your mama's so fat,
Sir Mix-A-lot decided...
932
00:43:36,494 --> 00:43:38,189
he doesn't like big butts!
933
00:43:38,262 --> 00:43:40,662
And he ain't lyin'!
Kiss that!
934
00:43:42,366 --> 00:43:43,924
Oh! Ow!
935
00:43:44,001 --> 00:43:45,468
Oh, my eyes!
936
00:43:45,536 --> 00:43:47,697
Oh! Oh!
937
00:43:47,772 --> 00:43:48,932
LEONIDAS: Walk it off.
938
00:43:49,006 --> 00:43:50,303
- How you like that, huh?
- Sit down.
939
00:43:52,376 --> 00:43:55,607
Yo, yo mama's so fat,
that when she farts...
940
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,240
Al Gore accuses her
of global warming, dawg.
941
00:43:58,316 --> 00:43:59,476
Whew!
942
00:44:00,551 --> 00:44:01,882
Cranking it up!
943
00:44:01,953 --> 00:44:05,753
Yes, well, that may be the case,
but your mama's so hairy...
944
00:44:05,823 --> 00:44:07,654
the only language she speaks...
945
00:44:07,725 --> 00:44:09,352
is Wookiee!
946
00:44:09,427 --> 00:44:11,691
- (roars like a Wookiee)
- (laughter) Oh!
947
00:44:11,762 --> 00:44:13,195
(roaring like a Wookiee)
948
00:44:13,264 --> 00:44:14,993
That's it!
949
00:44:15,066 --> 00:44:16,397
- Well, yo mama-
- (imitates Wookiee roar)
950
00:44:16,467 --> 00:44:17,957
Yo ma-
951
00:44:19,303 --> 00:44:21,168
- (roaring like a Wookiee)
- (Spartans laughing, talking)
952
00:44:21,238 --> 00:44:22,296
Yes!
953
00:44:22,373 --> 00:44:24,034
- (Spartans hooting)
- CAPTAIN: Bye-bye!
954
00:44:24,108 --> 00:44:25,700
Back to the hood!
955
00:44:25,776 --> 00:44:29,177
Xerxes watched
as his warriors were defeated.
956
00:44:29,246 --> 00:44:32,909
It sent an all-too-human chill
up his spine.
957
00:44:32,984 --> 00:44:35,919
Or perhaps that was
the Dentyne Ice...
958
00:44:35,987 --> 00:44:37,682
with cool mint crystals.
959
00:44:37,755 --> 00:44:40,246
(crackling)
960
00:44:46,364 --> 00:44:49,060
Loyalist said you wanted to see me.
961
00:44:51,335 --> 00:44:52,563
That's my urine sample.
962
00:44:54,939 --> 00:44:56,270
Tastes like asparagus.
963
00:44:56,340 --> 00:44:58,103
Leonidas needs more troops.
964
00:44:58,175 --> 00:45:02,839
Without reinforcements,
Sparta will fall and-
965
00:45:02,913 --> 00:45:05,040
(horn playing quiet mock gibberish)
966
00:45:06,951 --> 00:45:09,943
(horn continues playing mock gibberish)
967
00:45:12,023 --> 00:45:13,752
I'll do anything...
968
00:45:13,824 --> 00:45:16,384
(softly): for my husband.
969
00:45:16,460 --> 00:45:18,121
Anything?
970
00:45:20,364 --> 00:45:22,457
(exhales seductively)
971
00:45:22,533 --> 00:45:24,125
- (boinging)
- Awesome!
972
00:45:24,201 --> 00:45:25,759
I'm so getting laid!
973
00:45:25,836 --> 00:45:28,304
Good-bye, virginity.
974
00:45:28,372 --> 00:45:30,636
I promise you,
you're not going to enjoy this.
975
00:45:30,708 --> 00:45:33,370
But I suffer from premature eja-
976
00:45:36,147 --> 00:45:37,409
Oh-
977
00:45:37,481 --> 00:45:38,641
Mmm.
978
00:45:38,716 --> 00:45:41,150
It's okay: I have crabs.
979
00:45:44,255 --> 00:45:45,916
(playing melody)
980
00:45:51,662 --> 00:45:53,823
(both giggle)
981
00:45:58,536 --> 00:46:00,595
WOMAN:
Ooh- (laughs)
982
00:46:03,674 --> 00:46:07,132
(percussive music continues)
983
00:46:07,211 --> 00:46:09,304
(woman's echoing laughter)
984
00:46:09,380 --> 00:46:12,645
XERXES:
Betray your beloved Spartans-
985
00:46:16,487 --> 00:46:18,421
Nice.
986
00:46:19,857 --> 00:46:23,293
and I will give you
anything you desire.
987
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:24,884
That's hot.
988
00:46:24,962 --> 00:46:26,759
Bow down to me.
989
00:46:26,831 --> 00:46:28,890
(barking)
990
00:46:28,966 --> 00:46:31,230
Bow down to the great god-king...
991
00:46:31,302 --> 00:46:32,963
Xerxes.
992
00:46:33,037 --> 00:46:34,629
I'm a Hilton.
993
00:46:34,705 --> 00:46:36,229
I don't bow.
994
00:46:36,307 --> 00:46:37,569
(exasperated groan)
995
00:46:37,641 --> 00:46:39,040
But I do bend over.
996
00:46:39,110 --> 00:46:41,237
Ah, good.
997
00:46:41,312 --> 00:46:44,145
There's a secret goat path
into the Hot Gates.
998
00:46:44,215 --> 00:46:47,446
You could totally use it
to defeat Leonidas.
999
00:46:47,518 --> 00:46:50,544
Ah- (laughs)
1000
00:46:50,621 --> 00:46:52,885
And what do you desire?
1001
00:46:52,957 --> 00:46:55,118
I want my record expunged.
1002
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:57,957
Oh, and I want
that new Chanel purse.
1003
00:46:59,630 --> 00:47:00,790
Thank you.
1004
00:47:00,865 --> 00:47:03,595
I want throwing up to be fun.
1005
00:47:03,667 --> 00:47:06,261
You got something to say,
say it- I got things to do.
1006
00:47:06,337 --> 00:47:08,396
(quietly): What was it?
1007
00:47:08,472 --> 00:47:09,769
I can't remem-
1008
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:11,569
Oh, God, geez, yeah.
(groans)
1009
00:47:11,642 --> 00:47:13,439
I want to get this hump removed.
1010
00:47:13,511 --> 00:47:16,344
(chuckles)
1011
00:47:20,885 --> 00:47:22,147
Mmm!
1012
00:47:28,292 --> 00:47:31,386
Will you please just do it?
It's really heavy and really hard to keep clean.
1013
00:47:31,462 --> 00:47:33,657
Done.
1014
00:47:34,798 --> 00:47:37,392
- (loud pop)
- Aah!
1015
00:47:46,143 --> 00:47:47,735
(slurping)
1016
00:47:47,811 --> 00:47:48,971
(exhales)
1017
00:47:49,046 --> 00:47:50,980
As long as Xerxes doesn't find...
1018
00:47:51,048 --> 00:47:53,346
the secret path to the Hot Gates...
1019
00:47:54,718 --> 00:47:57,516
...their vast numbers
won't count for shit.
1020
00:47:57,588 --> 00:47:59,055
(panting)
1021
00:47:59,123 --> 00:48:00,556
My king!
1022
00:48:02,693 --> 00:48:04,627
Catch your breath.
1023
00:48:04,695 --> 00:48:06,526
Vanilla blended.
1024
00:48:06,597 --> 00:48:08,895
What is it, boy?
1025
00:48:11,335 --> 00:48:13,803
Xerxes has found
the secret goat path...
1026
00:48:13,871 --> 00:48:14,963
through the Hot Gates.
1027
00:48:15,039 --> 00:48:16,063
Aw, shit!
1028
00:48:16,140 --> 00:48:18,438
Damn that Paris Hilton.
1029
00:48:18,509 --> 00:48:20,374
(panting): I hate her.
1030
00:48:20,444 --> 00:48:21,934
He's deployed thousands
of Persian soldiers...
1031
00:48:22,012 --> 00:48:23,274
that'll be here any minute.
1032
00:48:23,347 --> 00:48:25,338
(panting)
1033
00:48:27,351 --> 00:48:28,648
(slurps)
1034
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:32,553
Dilio...
1035
00:48:32,623 --> 00:48:34,113
how bad are your injuries?
1036
00:48:34,191 --> 00:48:37,422
Oh, it's, uh- it's
just a scratch, my king.
1037
00:48:37,494 --> 00:48:40,224
(dramatic, eerie theme plays)
1038
00:48:41,932 --> 00:48:43,263
You've got no eyes.
1039
00:48:43,334 --> 00:48:45,734
The gods blessed me with a spare.
1040
00:48:45,803 --> 00:48:47,395
No, they haven't.
1041
00:48:47,471 --> 00:48:49,200
You just had the two.
1042
00:48:49,273 --> 00:48:51,207
Jeremy has the spare.
1043
00:48:55,980 --> 00:48:58,505
I can still fight!
1044
00:48:58,582 --> 00:49:00,243
(grunting)
1045
00:49:00,317 --> 00:49:01,249
Whoa! No!
1046
00:49:01,318 --> 00:49:02,842
- Dilio! Dilio!
- (shouting angrily)
1047
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:06,947
- Di- Dilio! Dilio! Dilio.
- (shouting)
1048
00:49:07,024 --> 00:49:08,423
Walk with me.
1049
00:49:10,094 --> 00:49:12,085
No. No. No.
1050
00:49:15,332 --> 00:49:18,165
Your fate is the most important.
1051
00:49:18,235 --> 00:49:23,366
You must go back to Sparta...
1052
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:24,873
and tell of our tale.
1053
00:49:24,942 --> 00:49:27,103
Yes, my king.
1054
00:49:27,177 --> 00:49:29,407
Any message for the queen?
1055
00:49:38,355 --> 00:49:42,155
(wistful, gentle theme plays)
1056
00:49:42,226 --> 00:49:44,285
None that need be said.
1057
00:49:45,696 --> 00:49:47,459
Now go, Dilio.
1058
00:49:47,531 --> 00:49:50,728
Tell how 13 Spartans
fought for honor...
1059
00:49:50,801 --> 00:49:53,793
for glory...
for freedom!
1060
00:49:53,871 --> 00:49:55,168
(grunts)
1061
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:57,799
Good luck, Dilio.
1062
00:50:04,615 --> 00:50:06,810
(blades scraping)
1063
00:50:06,884 --> 00:50:10,320
(low growling)
1064
00:50:10,387 --> 00:50:12,082
(steam hissing)
1065
00:50:12,156 --> 00:50:14,818
(growling)
1066
00:50:14,892 --> 00:50:17,452
Spartans!
1067
00:50:24,735 --> 00:50:26,327
XERXES: This is your final chance.
1068
00:50:26,403 --> 00:50:29,497
Bow down to me or you will die.
1069
00:50:29,573 --> 00:50:32,906
I bow for no man!
1070
00:50:37,414 --> 00:50:39,644
Take a knee.
1071
00:50:39,717 --> 00:50:40,843
No!
1072
00:50:40,918 --> 00:50:43,512
- Curtsey.
- Enough!
1073
00:50:46,190 --> 00:50:47,851
Well, your sandal is untied.
1074
00:50:47,925 --> 00:50:50,485
Oh... thanks very much.
1075
00:50:50,561 --> 00:50:52,153
See?
Was that that difficult?
1076
00:50:52,229 --> 00:50:54,129
- No, wait, no!
- Ah-tah-tah-tah-tah-
1077
00:50:54,198 --> 00:50:56,530
- No, I wasn't bowing.
- No, no, no.
1078
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:57,794
I was just doing my shoe!
1079
00:50:57,868 --> 00:51:00,200
No, you acknowledged me
as your god-king.
1080
00:51:00,270 --> 00:51:01,134
High-five!
1081
00:51:01,205 --> 00:51:04,538
- (laughter)
- Ooh.
1082
00:51:04,608 --> 00:51:06,041
What?
1083
00:51:06,110 --> 00:51:08,476
(mocking, girlish laughter)
1084
00:51:08,545 --> 00:51:10,376
What-What-What the hell is so funny?
1085
00:51:10,447 --> 00:51:12,210
- You!
- Me?
1086
00:51:12,282 --> 00:51:13,977
You greet like women.
1087
00:51:14,051 --> 00:51:16,076
You idiots are
wearing banana hammocks...
1088
00:51:16,153 --> 00:51:17,279
and you're laughing at me?
1089
00:51:17,354 --> 00:51:18,844
Now you're pissing me off.
1090
00:51:18,922 --> 00:51:20,150
I'm getting everybody.
1091
00:51:20,224 --> 00:51:22,920
- (phone beeps)
- Hello. Where you at?
1092
00:51:22,993 --> 00:51:24,221
I know where I'm at.
1093
00:51:24,294 --> 00:51:26,057
Bring in my vast army.
1094
00:51:26,130 --> 00:51:27,222
You 13...
1095
00:51:27,297 --> 00:51:28,821
putz are no match...
1096
00:51:28,899 --> 00:51:30,491
for my massive Persian army.
1097
00:51:30,567 --> 00:51:32,296
They number in the millions!
1098
00:51:37,508 --> 00:51:39,408
That's just a blue screen.
1099
00:51:39,476 --> 00:51:40,875
Stupid.
1100
00:51:40,944 --> 00:51:42,878
It's a visual effect.
1101
00:51:42,946 --> 00:51:44,811
It's going to be digitally
inserted later.
1102
00:51:44,882 --> 00:51:47,817
And the army is quite
impressive, as you can imagine.
1103
00:51:47,885 --> 00:51:49,853
- (electronic whir)
- (warriors grunt at once)
1104
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:54,323
(gasping)
1105
00:51:54,525 --> 00:51:56,186
Gentlemen, may I present...
1106
00:51:56,260 --> 00:51:58,626
Queen Margo.
1107
00:51:58,695 --> 00:52:02,426
(dance beat plays)
1108
00:52:02,499 --> 00:52:05,866
(indistinct chatter)
1109
00:52:05,936 --> 00:52:10,464
- (laughter)
- (whistling)
1110
00:52:10,541 --> 00:52:13,203
(men whooping)
1111
00:52:13,277 --> 00:52:18,214
(rhythmic vocals join beat)
1112
00:52:18,282 --> 00:52:21,080
(whooping, indistinct chatter)
1113
00:52:24,221 --> 00:52:26,280
Come on, baby.
I'm gettin' a chubby.
1114
00:52:28,525 --> 00:52:31,323
Boner alert. Boner alert.
1115
00:52:31,395 --> 00:52:33,260
Okay, boys, make it rain!
1116
00:52:33,330 --> 00:52:35,298
# Do the D-A-N-C-E,
1-2-3-4 fight #
1117
00:52:35,365 --> 00:52:40,064
# Stick to the B-E-A-T,
get ready to ignite #
1118
00:52:40,137 --> 00:52:43,595
#You were such a P-Y-T,
catching all the light #
1119
00:52:43,674 --> 00:52:47,166
#Just easy as A-B-C, that's how
you make it right... #
1120
00:52:47,244 --> 00:52:48,541
(music fades out)
1121
00:52:48,612 --> 00:52:50,011
(whooping and chatter fades)
1122
00:52:51,815 --> 00:52:54,511
Good councilmen...
1123
00:52:54,585 --> 00:52:56,018
I implore you.
1124
00:52:56,086 --> 00:53:01,114
Your king, my dear
husband, needs your help.
1125
00:53:01,191 --> 00:53:02,920
Sparta will fall...
1126
00:53:02,993 --> 00:53:06,292
if you don't agree
to send the rest of our army.
1127
00:53:06,363 --> 00:53:10,163
(Traitoro clapping slowly)
1128
00:53:10,234 --> 00:53:13,499
(clapping rhythmically)
1129
00:53:18,976 --> 00:53:20,944
Gentlemen, our only
hope for survival...
1130
00:53:21,011 --> 00:53:23,741
is to surrender to Xerxes
and beg for his forgiveness.
1131
00:53:23,814 --> 00:53:28,012
Do not be swayed by the words
of this common prick-tease...
1132
00:53:28,085 --> 00:53:30,178
with crabs all up in her coochie.
1133
00:53:30,254 --> 00:53:32,415
- MEN: Ooh-
- (scoffs)
1134
00:53:32,489 --> 00:53:34,684
Oh, no, you didn't.
1135
00:53:34,758 --> 00:53:36,817
Yes. Yes, I did.
1136
00:53:36,894 --> 00:53:40,660
(huffing, grunting)
1137
00:53:40,731 --> 00:53:42,028
(yells)
1138
00:53:42,099 --> 00:53:45,865
NARRATOR: Queen Margo unleashed
a venomous rage...
1139
00:53:45,936 --> 00:53:47,699
(squirming)
1140
00:53:47,771 --> 00:53:51,935
... much like Tobey Maguire
in Spider-Man 3.
1141
00:53:53,443 --> 00:53:55,673
- (grunting)
- (men gasping)
1142
00:53:59,983 --> 00:54:01,416
(laughing)
1143
00:54:01,485 --> 00:54:02,850
I'm evil.
1144
00:54:08,625 --> 00:54:09,649
Made of sand.
1145
00:54:09,726 --> 00:54:13,218
(grunts)
1146
00:54:13,297 --> 00:54:15,060
(coughing)
1147
00:54:19,870 --> 00:54:21,428
Ohh!
1148
00:54:22,339 --> 00:54:23,067
(growls)
1149
00:54:23,140 --> 00:54:26,200
(yells)
1150
00:54:26,276 --> 00:54:27,140
Oh, no.
1151
00:54:29,146 --> 00:54:30,477
- Ooh!
- (groaning, gasping)
1152
00:54:33,650 --> 00:54:36,278
(meows)
1153
00:54:36,353 --> 00:54:38,048
Oh... cute.
1154
00:54:38,121 --> 00:54:40,487
- (meows, farts)
- Gross.
1155
00:54:42,693 --> 00:54:44,786
(whooshing)
1156
00:54:48,131 --> 00:54:49,655
(laughs)
1157
00:54:51,535 --> 00:54:53,594
- What is it?
- (councilmen laughing)
1158
00:54:53,670 --> 00:54:54,796
Oh! Oh!
1159
00:54:54,871 --> 00:54:57,806
Oh, God!
Oh! Oh, my God.
1160
00:54:57,874 --> 00:54:59,774
(laughing)
1161
00:55:01,612 --> 00:55:03,273
How you like me now, Sandman?
1162
00:55:03,347 --> 00:55:04,939
Oh, no.
1163
00:55:05,015 --> 00:55:07,074
(vacuum whirring)
1164
00:55:07,150 --> 00:55:09,311
Dust-busting bitch! No!
1165
00:55:09,386 --> 00:55:13,345
(groaning, yelling)
1166
00:55:13,423 --> 00:55:16,324
(yells): No!
1167
00:55:19,663 --> 00:55:21,995
(grunting)
1168
00:55:25,702 --> 00:55:27,465
- Ah-
- (councilmen murmuring)
1169
00:55:30,007 --> 00:55:31,770
- (phone beeps)
- (gasps)
1170
00:55:31,842 --> 00:55:33,639
Well, tickle my nipples
with a feather.
1171
00:55:33,710 --> 00:55:36,304
Xerxes is in Traitoro's top five.
1172
00:55:36,380 --> 00:55:38,371
ALL:
Grumble, grumble, grumble-
1173
00:55:38,448 --> 00:55:40,882
Traitoro was a... traitor?
1174
00:55:40,951 --> 00:55:42,782
- (gasps)
- Duh!
1175
00:55:43,720 --> 00:55:44,778
All in favor...
1176
00:55:44,855 --> 00:55:47,323
of sending more troops...
say aye.
1177
00:55:47,391 --> 00:55:52,124
ALL: Aye! Aye! Aye!
Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye-
1178
00:56:01,271 --> 00:56:04,240
(bowstrings creaking)
1179
00:56:15,218 --> 00:56:16,515
Spartans!
1180
00:56:16,586 --> 00:56:17,518
(all grunt)
1181
00:56:17,587 --> 00:56:19,714
(swords scraping, clanging)
1182
00:56:19,790 --> 00:56:21,223
We have you surrounded.
1183
00:56:21,291 --> 00:56:23,418
Lay down your weapons!
1184
00:56:23,493 --> 00:56:25,324
Come and get them!
1185
00:56:25,395 --> 00:56:27,056
Formation!
1186
00:56:27,130 --> 00:56:29,997
(grunting)
1187
00:56:33,537 --> 00:56:34,697
Um-
1188
00:56:34,771 --> 00:56:38,207
A Spartan always protects
another man's rear.
1189
00:56:41,712 --> 00:56:43,202
(grunts)
1190
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:45,009
Adjust your sword, boy.
1191
00:56:45,082 --> 00:56:46,606
It's digging into my back.
1192
00:56:49,453 --> 00:56:50,784
But I'm not wearing my sword.
1193
00:56:53,590 --> 00:56:54,784
Carry on then.
1194
00:56:54,858 --> 00:56:56,689
CAPTAIN: My son.
1195
00:56:56,760 --> 00:57:01,527
Today...
you are truly a Spartan.
1196
00:57:01,598 --> 00:57:02,587
Thanks, Father.
1197
00:57:04,968 --> 00:57:05,935
Attack!
1198
00:57:06,002 --> 00:57:09,233
(shouting, yelling)
1199
00:57:09,306 --> 00:57:11,467
Steady, Spartans!
1200
00:57:11,541 --> 00:57:14,806
(yelling)
1201
00:57:20,350 --> 00:57:21,647
(chuckles)
1202
00:57:21,718 --> 00:57:23,879
Remember this day, boys!
1203
00:57:23,954 --> 00:57:27,151
For today is the day you die!
1204
00:57:27,224 --> 00:57:29,784
- Huh?
- What? Huh?
1205
00:57:29,860 --> 00:57:30,554
What?
1206
00:57:30,627 --> 00:57:32,618
I- I mean they die.
1207
00:57:32,696 --> 00:57:35,494
Today's the day they die-
that's what I meant to say.
1208
00:57:35,565 --> 00:57:38,398
(shouting, whooping)
1209
00:57:38,468 --> 00:57:39,560
Go!
1210
00:57:39,636 --> 00:57:42,264
(yelling)
1211
00:57:44,875 --> 00:57:47,742
(crashing rumble)
1212
00:57:53,850 --> 00:57:56,250
Oh, what a bunch of dumb shits.
1213
00:57:56,319 --> 00:57:59,186
(groaning, grunting)
1214
00:57:59,256 --> 00:58:00,780
God, that smarts.
1215
00:58:00,857 --> 00:58:03,690
I am gonna go Hercules on your ass!
1216
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:04,749
(groaning)
1217
00:58:04,828 --> 00:58:08,764
(yelling)
1218
00:58:18,742 --> 00:58:19,868
(blade ringing)
1219
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:27,072
(yelling)
1220
00:58:35,959 --> 00:58:37,790
(grunting)
1221
00:58:48,138 --> 00:58:51,232
(water sloshing)
1222
00:58:53,276 --> 00:58:55,744
(sloshing)
1223
00:59:01,785 --> 00:59:03,753
- (towel snaps)
- (grunts)
1224
00:59:07,791 --> 00:59:13,593
(screaming)
1225
00:59:17,100 --> 00:59:20,092
(yelping)
1226
00:59:21,972 --> 00:59:25,237
(screaming)
1227
00:59:25,308 --> 00:59:28,277
(yelling)
1228
00:59:30,513 --> 00:59:32,413
(engine rumbles, tires squeal)
1229
00:59:32,482 --> 00:59:33,779
Ghost Rider!
1230
00:59:33,850 --> 00:59:37,081
(chain rattling)
1231
00:59:37,153 --> 00:59:39,713
You're going to hell.
1232
00:59:39,789 --> 00:59:41,416
(laughs)
1233
00:59:41,491 --> 00:59:42,253
(yells)
1234
00:59:42,325 --> 00:59:44,919
(groaning)
1235
00:59:48,632 --> 00:59:49,963
(laughs)
1236
00:59:50,033 --> 00:59:52,126
Stop, drop and roll!
1237
00:59:52,202 --> 00:59:53,635
- (laughter)
- Stop, drop and roll!
1238
00:59:53,703 --> 00:59:54,727
(grunting)
1239
01:00:01,544 --> 01:00:05,207
(chains rattling)
1240
01:00:06,917 --> 01:00:09,249
Yo!
1241
01:00:11,721 --> 01:00:13,814
(yells)
1242
01:00:13,890 --> 01:00:15,949
(footfalls rumbling)
1243
01:00:16,026 --> 01:00:18,790
(growls)
1244
01:00:18,862 --> 01:00:20,261
No!
1245
01:00:21,231 --> 01:00:23,324
Yo, Sonio.
1246
01:00:25,068 --> 01:00:26,831
I'm gonna knock your block off.
1247
01:00:26,903 --> 01:00:28,734
- Oh, shit.
- (grunts)
1248
01:00:29,906 --> 01:00:31,771
Sonio!
1249
01:00:41,184 --> 01:00:43,618
(yells)
1250
01:00:43,687 --> 01:00:47,316
You'll pay for this, Balboa.
1251
01:00:47,390 --> 01:00:48,357
Go for it.
1252
01:00:48,425 --> 01:00:51,121
(grunting)
1253
01:00:53,863 --> 01:00:55,763
Adult diapers?
1254
01:00:58,368 --> 01:01:02,168
(grunts, groans)
1255
01:01:17,787 --> 01:01:18,811
(yells)
1256
01:01:18,888 --> 01:01:22,449
(squishing)
1257
01:01:22,525 --> 01:01:28,555
(voice slowing down):
Botox... overdose.
1258
01:01:32,902 --> 01:01:35,564
(rumbling)
1259
01:01:35,638 --> 01:01:37,970
Yes!
1260
01:01:39,109 --> 01:01:41,009
(laughing): Yeah!
1261
01:01:41,077 --> 01:01:42,874
(grunts, yells)
1262
01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:45,206
Yeah!
1263
01:01:45,281 --> 01:01:47,476
- (grunts)
- (gasps)
1264
01:01:47,550 --> 01:01:49,643
(groans)
1265
01:01:49,719 --> 01:01:51,482
Yes!
1266
01:01:55,625 --> 01:01:57,889
Xerxes!
1267
01:02:03,466 --> 01:02:06,663
(coughing)
1268
01:02:07,737 --> 01:02:11,537
It's a- a beautiful death.
1269
01:02:14,110 --> 01:02:16,010
It's actually not that attractive.
1270
01:02:21,451 --> 01:02:23,009
(yelling)
1271
01:02:23,086 --> 01:02:26,522
(hard rock music playing)
1272
01:02:29,526 --> 01:02:33,724
(car horn honking "La Cucaracha")
1273
01:02:39,936 --> 01:02:40,903
(changes stations)
1274
01:02:40,970 --> 01:02:43,131
# I'm a Barbie girl #
1275
01:02:43,206 --> 01:02:45,538
# In the Barbie world #
1276
01:02:45,608 --> 01:02:47,906
# Life in plastic,
it's fantastic #
1277
01:02:47,977 --> 01:02:50,445
(sings along):
# Come on, Barbie, let's go party! #
1278
01:02:50,513 --> 01:02:52,140
#Ah-ah-ah-yeah #
1279
01:02:52,215 --> 01:02:53,773
# Come on, Barbie,
let's go party #
1280
01:02:53,850 --> 01:02:56,148
(music changes back to hard rock)
1281
01:03:06,362 --> 01:03:06,987
Ooh!
1282
01:03:07,063 --> 01:03:10,260
(clanging)
1283
01:03:18,408 --> 01:03:19,739
Shit!
1284
01:03:27,217 --> 01:03:30,482
Enough of this gratuitous
video game violence!
1285
01:03:31,721 --> 01:03:34,485
(intense, dramatic theme playing)
1286
01:03:40,530 --> 01:03:42,464
(grunts)
1287
01:03:47,036 --> 01:03:48,765
(panting)
1288
01:03:48,838 --> 01:03:50,669
- (Leonidas yells)
- (Xerxes whimpers)
1289
01:03:50,740 --> 01:03:53,368
Waah!
1290
01:03:53,443 --> 01:03:55,673
(spits)
1291
01:03:57,580 --> 01:03:58,877
Ah-
1292
01:03:58,948 --> 01:04:00,939
- Aha!
- (electrical crackling)
1293
01:04:01,017 --> 01:04:02,644
A Transformer cube!
1294
01:04:02,719 --> 01:04:03,777
(laughing)
1295
01:04:05,421 --> 01:04:06,854
(laughing)
1296
01:04:08,725 --> 01:04:11,660
(men grunting)
1297
01:04:11,728 --> 01:04:14,629
Okay, baby, let's transform.
1298
01:04:14,697 --> 01:04:16,289
(electrical zapping)
1299
01:04:16,366 --> 01:04:17,890
(laughing)
1300
01:04:17,967 --> 01:04:19,730
(Xerxes cackling)
1301
01:04:19,802 --> 01:04:22,327
(mechanical whirring)
1302
01:04:25,141 --> 01:04:26,904
(cackling)
1303
01:04:31,714 --> 01:04:33,511
(electrical zapping)
1304
01:04:37,620 --> 01:04:39,554
(beeping)
1305
01:04:40,590 --> 01:04:42,353
(beep)
1306
01:04:42,425 --> 01:04:45,588
(mechanical whirring)
1307
01:04:48,565 --> 01:04:51,500
(hollow echo): I... am Xerxestron...
1308
01:04:51,568 --> 01:04:55,595
equipped with advanced
alien technology.
1309
01:04:55,672 --> 01:04:57,572
(beep)
1310
01:04:57,640 --> 01:04:59,107
(sobbing)
1311
01:04:59,175 --> 01:05:02,338
Leave Britney alone!
1312
01:05:02,412 --> 01:05:04,175
He is a god-king.
1313
01:05:04,247 --> 01:05:06,340
(sobbing):
Please-
1314
01:05:06,416 --> 01:05:08,247
(footfalls thundering)
1315
01:05:08,318 --> 01:05:09,285
(all gasp)
1316
01:05:10,553 --> 01:05:12,851
(cord creaking)
1317
01:05:12,922 --> 01:05:15,914
- Leave her alone!
- (Xerxes gasping)
1318
01:05:15,992 --> 01:05:18,051
- She's a human!
- (grunts)
1319
01:05:18,127 --> 01:05:20,527
Oh, oh, ain't that a bitch.
1320
01:05:20,597 --> 01:05:22,030
(all yelling)
1321
01:05:22,098 --> 01:05:24,259
(echoing thud)
1322
01:05:28,404 --> 01:05:31,168
NARRATOR:
Leonidas was true to his word.
1323
01:05:31,241 --> 01:05:33,539
A god-king did fall.
1324
01:05:33,610 --> 01:05:36,670
But unfortunately, right on them.
1325
01:05:36,746 --> 01:05:38,737
(gentle, ethereal theme playing)
1326
01:05:46,889 --> 01:05:48,857
##
1327
01:05:57,000 --> 01:05:58,797
I-I- I just-
1328
01:06:01,304 --> 01:06:03,431
(laughs):
Oh-
1329
01:06:04,807 --> 01:06:06,468
Ooh.
1330
01:06:06,542 --> 01:06:08,066
Queen Margo.
1331
01:06:08,144 --> 01:06:09,611
- Yeah.
- Oh.
1332
01:06:11,180 --> 01:06:13,774
(ominous, ethereal theme plays)
1333
01:06:17,720 --> 01:06:20,689
(woman singing plaintive melody)
1334
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:33,366
##
1335
01:06:33,436 --> 01:06:35,836
Leonidas and the Spartans...
1336
01:06:35,905 --> 01:06:37,873
died for honor...
1337
01:06:37,940 --> 01:06:41,239
for glory.
1338
01:06:41,311 --> 01:06:44,678
They died a beautiful death.
1339
01:06:49,619 --> 01:06:54,852
Today... we stand against
30,000 Persians.
1340
01:06:56,259 --> 01:07:00,195
But we now have 100,000 soldiers!
1341
01:07:00,263 --> 01:07:02,288
Ah-ooh! Ah-ooh! Ah-ooh!
1342
01:07:02,365 --> 01:07:03,229
(muttering)
1343
01:07:03,299 --> 01:07:04,391
To victory!
1344
01:07:13,743 --> 01:07:15,074
Ah.
1345
01:07:15,144 --> 01:07:17,578
Follow me, boys.
1346
01:07:17,647 --> 01:07:20,207
I don't know.
1347
01:07:20,283 --> 01:07:24,185
And thus,
Dilio blindly led the Spartans...
1348
01:07:24,253 --> 01:07:26,244
- (low murmuring)
- away from the Persians...
1349
01:07:26,322 --> 01:07:29,018
- (yelling)
- to Malibu...
1350
01:07:29,092 --> 01:07:33,153
just as Lindsay Lohan
was leaving rehab... again.
1351
01:07:33,229 --> 01:07:34,526
(yelling)
1352
01:07:34,597 --> 01:07:36,929
(screams)
1353
01:07:41,971 --> 01:07:44,269
(piano plays arpeggio)
1354
01:07:46,909 --> 01:07:49,002
#At first I was afraid #
1355
01:07:49,078 --> 01:07:51,171
# I was petrified #
1356
01:07:51,247 --> 01:07:55,183
# Kept thinking I could never
live without you by my side #
1357
01:07:55,251 --> 01:07:57,378
# But then I spent
so many nights #
1358
01:07:57,453 --> 01:07:59,444
#Thinking how
you did me wrong #
1359
01:07:59,522 --> 01:08:01,114
#And I grew strong #
1360
01:08:01,190 --> 01:08:03,454
#And I learned
how to get along #
1361
01:08:03,526 --> 01:08:05,187
#And so you're back #
1362
01:08:05,261 --> 01:08:06,990
# From outer space #
1363
01:08:07,063 --> 01:08:09,395
# I just walked in
to find you here #
1364
01:08:09,465 --> 01:08:11,524
#With that sad look
upon your face #
1365
01:08:11,601 --> 01:08:13,535
# I should have changed
my stupid lock #
1366
01:08:13,603 --> 01:08:15,798
# I should have made
you leave your key #
1367
01:08:15,872 --> 01:08:17,931
# If I had known
for just one second #
1368
01:08:18,007 --> 01:08:19,770
#You'd be back to bother me #
1369
01:08:19,842 --> 01:08:21,605
# Go on, now go #
1370
01:08:21,677 --> 01:08:23,440
#Walk out the door #
1371
01:08:23,513 --> 01:08:25,777
#Just turn around now #
1372
01:08:25,848 --> 01:08:28,373
# 'Cause you're
not welcome anymore #
1373
01:08:28,451 --> 01:08:29,611
#Weren't you the one #
1374
01:08:29,685 --> 01:08:32,119
#Who tried to hurt me
with good-bye? #
1375
01:08:32,188 --> 01:08:34,088
# Did you think I'd crumble? #
1376
01:08:34,157 --> 01:08:36,091
# Did you think
I'd lay down and die? #
1377
01:08:36,159 --> 01:08:38,093
ALL:
# Oh, no, not I #
1378
01:08:38,161 --> 01:08:39,958
# I will survive #
1379
01:08:40,029 --> 01:08:42,930
# Oh, as long
as I know how to love #
1380
01:08:42,999 --> 01:08:44,830
# I know I'll stay alive #
1381
01:08:44,901 --> 01:08:46,732
# I've got all my life to live #
1382
01:08:46,803 --> 01:08:48,600
# I've got all my love to give #
1383
01:08:48,671 --> 01:08:50,400
#And I'll survive #
1384
01:08:50,473 --> 01:08:52,134
# I will survive #
1385
01:08:52,208 --> 01:08:54,972
# Hey, hey #
1386
01:08:55,044 --> 01:08:56,944
##
1387
01:09:04,687 --> 01:09:07,485
##
1388
01:09:07,557 --> 01:09:08,854
Whassup, dawg?!
1389
01:09:08,925 --> 01:09:11,485
# Ha-ha! It took all
the strength I had #
1390
01:09:11,561 --> 01:09:13,256
# Not to fall apart, dawg! #
1391
01:09:13,329 --> 01:09:17,288
# Kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart #
1392
01:09:17,366 --> 01:09:19,527
#And I spent,
oh, so many nights #
1393
01:09:19,602 --> 01:09:21,797
#Just feeling sorry for myself #
1394
01:09:21,871 --> 01:09:23,304
# I used to cry #
1395
01:09:23,372 --> 01:09:26,034
# But now I hold
my head up high #
1396
01:09:26,108 --> 01:09:27,598
#And you see me #
1397
01:09:27,677 --> 01:09:29,144
# Somebody new #
1398
01:09:29,212 --> 01:09:32,340
# I'm not that chained-up
little person #
1399
01:09:32,415 --> 01:09:34,110
# Still in love with you #
1400
01:09:34,183 --> 01:09:36,447
- (music stops)
- That's "Britney," bitch.
1401
01:09:36,519 --> 01:09:38,646
- ##
- (chuckles)
1402
01:09:38,721 --> 01:09:41,849
#And so you felt
like dropping in #
1403
01:09:41,924 --> 01:09:43,824
#And just expect me
to be free #
1404
01:09:43,893 --> 01:09:45,918
# Now I'm saving all my lovin' #
1405
01:09:45,995 --> 01:09:47,826
# For someone who's lovin' me #
1406
01:09:47,897 --> 01:09:51,162
BRITNEY:
# Go, come on, now, uh! #
1407
01:09:51,234 --> 01:09:53,065
(rhythmic panting)
1408
01:09:53,135 --> 01:09:55,069
# Britney's in the house,
where my babies at? #
1409
01:09:55,137 --> 01:09:56,729
#Ah, like this #
1410
01:09:56,806 --> 01:09:58,137
ALL:
# Go, now, go #
1411
01:09:58,207 --> 01:10:00,107
#Walk out the door #
1412
01:10:00,176 --> 01:10:02,235
#Just turn around now #
1413
01:10:02,311 --> 01:10:04,711
# 'Cause you're
not welcome anymore #
1414
01:10:04,780 --> 01:10:06,748
#Weren't you the one #
1415
01:10:06,816 --> 01:10:08,613
#Who tried to hurt me
with good-bye? #
1416
01:10:08,684 --> 01:10:10,345
# Did you think I'd crumble? #
1417
01:10:10,419 --> 01:10:12,512
# Did you think
I'd lay down and die? #
1418
01:10:12,588 --> 01:10:13,646
# Oh, no, not I #
1419
01:10:13,723 --> 01:10:16,556
# I will survive #
1420
01:10:16,626 --> 01:10:19,720
# Oh, as long
as I know how to love #
1421
01:10:19,795 --> 01:10:21,160
# I know I'll stay alive #
1422
01:10:21,230 --> 01:10:23,061
# I've got all my life to live #
1423
01:10:23,132 --> 01:10:25,430
# I've got all my love to give #
1424
01:10:25,501 --> 01:10:27,594
- #And I'll survive #
- That's right, dawg!
1425
01:10:27,670 --> 01:10:29,194
# I will survive #
1426
01:10:29,272 --> 01:10:31,365
# Hey, hey! #
1427
01:10:31,440 --> 01:10:32,236
(upbeat pop intro plays)
1428
01:10:33,809 --> 01:10:34,867
# Hey, yo #
1429
01:10:34,944 --> 01:10:36,377
#When I wake up
moaning, yawning #
1430
01:10:36,445 --> 01:10:37,707
# I put up my hands #
1431
01:10:37,780 --> 01:10:39,338
#Thank the Lord
for what I got #
1432
01:10:39,415 --> 01:10:40,609
#And never stop my plans #
1433
01:10:40,683 --> 01:10:41,877
# Giving all for the goals #
1434
01:10:41,951 --> 01:10:43,976
# Got to keep it up,
never let my head drop #
1435
01:10:44,053 --> 01:10:45,543
# Make me a home on my own #
1436
01:10:45,621 --> 01:10:46,952
# Better make the bed rock #
1437
01:10:47,023 --> 01:10:49,583
#A place for the dog, a garage,
a yard to play around #
1438
01:10:49,659 --> 01:10:50,887
# Kitchen for missus #
1439
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:52,825
# She be fixing them biscuits
golden brown #
1440
01:10:52,895 --> 01:10:55,489
# Got me a shorty and some kids,
just like a family should #
1441
01:10:55,565 --> 01:10:57,590
# Made it through changes,
that's how I live #
1442
01:10:57,667 --> 01:10:58,998
#And now it's all good #
1443
01:10:59,068 --> 01:11:00,399
# You gonna breathe now #
1444
01:11:00,469 --> 01:11:02,266
# It's all how you bounce back #
1445
01:11:02,338 --> 01:11:03,464
# How you bounce back #
1446
01:11:03,539 --> 01:11:05,097
# It's all how you bounce back #
1447
01:11:05,174 --> 01:11:06,368
# You gonna breathe now #
1448
01:11:06,442 --> 01:11:08,273
# It's all how you bounce back #
1449
01:11:08,344 --> 01:11:11,802
- # How you bounce back,
how you bounce back #
- # Hey, hey #
1450
01:11:23,059 --> 01:11:24,287
# You gonna breathe now #
1451
01:11:24,360 --> 01:11:26,294
# It's all how you bounce back #
1452
01:11:26,362 --> 01:11:27,488
# How you bounce back #
1453
01:11:27,563 --> 01:11:29,053
# It's all how you bounce back #
1454
01:11:29,131 --> 01:11:30,223
# You gonna breathe now #
1455
01:11:30,299 --> 01:11:32,130
# It's all how you bounce back #
1456
01:11:32,201 --> 01:11:35,034
- # How you bounce back,
how you bounce back #
- # Hey, hey #
1457
01:11:35,104 --> 01:11:37,436
# Super-classic-play-a-listic
homie, I'm the dopest #
1458
01:11:37,506 --> 01:11:39,406
# If you close your eyes
and miss it #
1459
01:11:39,475 --> 01:11:40,965
#Ask me why I wrote this #
1460
01:11:41,043 --> 01:11:43,739
# I have come so very far
to make this here my home #
1461
01:11:43,813 --> 01:11:46,782
# So if you thinking otherwise,
I guess you thinkin' wrong #
1462
01:11:46,849 --> 01:11:49,477
#All it takes is all I got,
a little bit of try #
1463
01:11:49,552 --> 01:11:52,248
#And if you make my babies cry,
I'll bust you in your eye #
1464
01:11:52,321 --> 01:11:54,050
# Gonna put in work,
gonna make it happen #
1465
01:11:54,123 --> 01:11:55,886
#Ain't no way
you could tie me up #
1466
01:11:55,958 --> 01:11:57,425
# 'Cause I hocus-pocus,
keep your focus #
1467
01:11:57,493 --> 01:11:59,222
#Then you know this,
that's what's up #
1468
01:11:59,295 --> 01:12:00,626
# You gonna breathe now #
1469
01:12:00,696 --> 01:12:02,288
# It's all how you bounce back #
1470
01:12:02,365 --> 01:12:03,593
# How you bounce back #
1471
01:12:03,666 --> 01:12:05,224
# It's all how you bounce back #
1472
01:12:05,301 --> 01:12:06,461
# You gonna breathe now #
1473
01:12:06,535 --> 01:12:08,230
# It's all how you bounce back #
1474
01:12:08,304 --> 01:12:09,601
# How you bounce back #
1475
01:12:09,672 --> 01:12:11,697
# It's all how you bounce back. #
1476
01:12:11,774 --> 01:12:13,765
##
1477
01:12:23,252 --> 01:12:25,243
##
1478
01:12:33,562 --> 01:12:36,497
NARRATOR:
As the Spartans kicked major ass...
1479
01:12:36,565 --> 01:12:38,533
even Leonidas believed...
1480
01:12:38,601 --> 01:12:40,967
victory was theirs.
1481
01:12:41,037 --> 01:12:43,005
Victory is ours, boys!
1482
01:12:43,072 --> 01:12:44,232
Ah-ooh!
1483
01:12:45,641 --> 01:12:48,041
Let's celebrate!
1484
01:12:48,110 --> 01:12:50,977
For tonight, we dine...
1485
01:12:51,047 --> 01:12:52,844
at Hooter's!
1486
01:12:52,915 --> 01:12:53,973
Hoo!
1487
01:12:54,050 --> 01:12:56,678
- (rock music playing)
- (men cheering)
1488
01:12:56,752 --> 01:12:58,720
##
1489
01:12:58,788 --> 01:13:00,415
Eat from them...
1490
01:13:00,489 --> 01:13:02,081
everything!
1491
01:13:02,158 --> 01:13:03,591
And tip them...
1492
01:13:03,659 --> 01:13:05,058
nothing!
1493
01:13:05,127 --> 01:13:07,027
MEN: Yeah! Yeah!
1494
01:13:07,096 --> 01:13:09,064
It's Two-fer Tuesday.
1495
01:13:09,131 --> 01:13:11,190
Yeah!
1496
01:13:11,267 --> 01:13:12,757
- LEONIDAS: Come on!
- No! Whoa!
1497
01:13:12,835 --> 01:13:14,928
(grunts)
1498
01:13:15,004 --> 01:13:17,199
Oh, isn't that sweet.
1499
01:13:17,273 --> 01:13:18,934
(boy screaming)
1500
01:13:19,975 --> 01:13:22,000
- (cracking)
- Oh! Oh-
1501
01:13:22,078 --> 01:13:24,012
Oh- Oh-
1502
01:13:24,080 --> 01:13:25,775
That's my boy.
1503
01:13:27,083 --> 01:13:28,846
Where do you think you're going?
1504
01:13:28,918 --> 01:13:31,079
- Aah!
- You little pussy.
1505
01:13:31,153 --> 01:13:32,984
##
1506
01:13:33,055 --> 01:13:35,023
No! No!
1507
01:13:35,091 --> 01:13:37,525
(boy yelling)
1508
01:13:37,593 --> 01:13:39,527
(loud crunch)
1509
01:13:39,595 --> 01:13:40,459
That's it.
1510
01:13:40,529 --> 01:13:41,928
(laughs): Yay.
1511
01:13:41,997 --> 01:13:43,430
(boy yelling)
1512
01:13:43,499 --> 01:13:45,262
(crazed laughing)
1513
01:13:45,334 --> 01:13:47,598
- (yells)
- (crash)
1514
01:13:49,271 --> 01:13:52,365
##
1515
01:13:52,441 --> 01:13:56,138
If you can dodge a golf ball,
you can dodge a sword.
1516
01:13:57,046 --> 01:13:59,037
Ha! You missed.
1517
01:14:00,182 --> 01:14:01,809
Ow!
1518
01:14:01,884 --> 01:14:04,318
He can outflank us now, my king.
1519
01:14:08,090 --> 01:14:09,421
Men!
1520
01:14:09,492 --> 01:14:11,585
(noble theme plays)
1521
01:14:13,829 --> 01:14:16,320
We are facing certain death.
1522
01:14:16,398 --> 01:14:18,457
Cherries.
1523
01:14:18,534 --> 01:14:20,399
But...
1524
01:14:20,469 --> 01:14:23,233
the joke's on them,
because they don't know...
1525
01:14:23,305 --> 01:14:26,604
that dying in battle
is the greatest honor...
1526
01:14:26,675 --> 01:14:28,734
for any Spartan!
1527
01:14:28,811 --> 01:14:31,245
(fierce roar)
1528
01:14:31,313 --> 01:14:33,804
(unenthusiastically): Ah-hoo.
1529
01:14:33,883 --> 01:14:37,284
God, that's a shitty plan.
1530
01:14:37,353 --> 01:14:39,651
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH:
Look, Leonidas...
1531
01:14:39,722 --> 01:14:41,587
war is not the answer.
Heh-heh.
1532
01:14:42,258 --> 01:14:44,158
Trust me, I know.
1533
01:14:44,226 --> 01:14:46,786
No! War is the answer!
1534
01:14:48,597 --> 01:14:49,586
(loud crunch)
1535
01:14:50,933 --> 01:14:54,630
(ominous theme playing)
1536
01:14:58,107 --> 01:14:59,836
Where am I?
1537
01:15:03,279 --> 01:15:06,305
Spidey, you're fired.
1538
01:15:09,251 --> 01:15:10,513
(screams)
1539
01:15:13,889 --> 01:15:15,857
(shrieking)
1540
01:15:17,393 --> 01:15:19,520
ELLEN DeGENERES: Hi.
How are you, Leonidas?
1541
01:15:19,595 --> 01:15:20,857
(chuckles): Ellen.
1542
01:15:20,930 --> 01:15:22,420
Listen, I don't know
why you're so upset.
1543
01:15:22,498 --> 01:15:24,227
You look great.
You know, the cape is great.
1544
01:15:24,300 --> 01:15:25,392
Love the... diaper.
1545
01:15:25,467 --> 01:15:26,593
I-I'd wear something very similar...
1546
01:15:26,669 --> 01:15:27,829
for Portia on Friday nights.
1547
01:15:27,903 --> 01:15:29,063
We get frisky.
1548
01:15:29,138 --> 01:15:31,129
Hello, Leonidas.
(laughs)
1549
01:15:31,207 --> 01:15:33,835
Wow, is it hot in here?
(laughs)
1550
01:15:33,909 --> 01:15:37,037
Okay, Portia, Portia,
women, women, women.
1551
01:15:37,112 --> 01:15:38,841
Women, you like
women. (laughs)
1552
01:15:38,914 --> 01:15:40,040
I can see by your-
1553
01:15:40,115 --> 01:15:41,673
your reaction, you're not amused.
1554
01:15:41,750 --> 01:15:44,742
It's the same reaction anyone
who went to see Mr. Wrong had.
1555
01:15:44,820 --> 01:15:47,186
Uh, let's play a game-
maybe we could play a game.
1556
01:15:47,256 --> 01:15:48,416
How about "Who Sneezed?"
(laughs)
1557
01:15:48,490 --> 01:15:49,514
It's a real easy game.
1558
01:15:49,592 --> 01:15:51,025
We close our eyes
and someone sneezes...
1559
01:15:51,093 --> 01:15:52,526
and you guess who.
(laughs)
1560
01:15:52,595 --> 01:15:54,722
If it was you, you win- 'cause
obviously, you know. (laughs)
1561
01:15:54,797 --> 01:15:55,821
Listen, chill out.
1562
01:15:55,898 --> 01:15:57,559
Let's just dance, shall we? Come on.
1563
01:15:57,633 --> 01:16:00,124
- (dance music playing)
- That's right. Oh, boy.
1564
01:16:00,202 --> 01:16:01,499
(laughs): Okay.
1565
01:16:01,570 --> 01:16:02,901
There you go, you're
getting the hang of it.
1566
01:16:02,972 --> 01:16:05,532
- You know, back and forth-
- No, I can't do this!
1567
01:16:05,608 --> 01:16:06,939
(screams)
1568
01:16:07,009 --> 01:16:08,499
Yo mama's so ugly, if she was...
1569
01:16:08,577 --> 01:16:10,374
on the Spice Girls,
her name would be...
1570
01:16:10,446 --> 01:16:12,778
Dookie Spice!
1571
01:16:12,848 --> 01:16:14,509
Doo-doo!
1572
01:16:14,583 --> 01:16:16,380
Leonidas. (chuckling)
1573
01:16:18,287 --> 01:16:20,380
You should try Scientology.
1574
01:16:20,456 --> 01:16:22,287
I'm gonna set Katie free.
1575
01:16:23,959 --> 01:16:24,948
BOTH: Yes!
1576
01:16:25,027 --> 01:16:26,756
I had to buy
a million and one glitters...
1577
01:16:26,829 --> 01:16:28,558
with my own money,
and I had to buy-
1578
01:16:28,631 --> 01:16:31,099
(quavering):
I put them on by hand, Simon...
1579
01:16:31,166 --> 01:16:35,034
and my reputation is all I have,
and for you to sit here...
1580
01:16:35,104 --> 01:16:37,732
telling me that
I'm not intennigent-
1581
01:16:37,806 --> 01:16:39,569
inte-
that I'm not intenni-
1582
01:16:39,642 --> 01:16:41,200
- Let me start over.
- Intelligent. Yeah.
1583
01:16:41,277 --> 01:16:42,437
- Hang on.
- Intelligent. Yeah.
1584
01:16:42,511 --> 01:16:44,376
- DANE COOK: I looked everywhere.
- (groans)
1585
01:16:44,446 --> 01:16:46,505
Don't you hate when you're
on an airplane, you know...
1586
01:16:46,582 --> 01:16:48,675
and the captain's, like,
"If you look out the window...
1587
01:16:48,751 --> 01:16:50,548
to your left, you're gonna
see another plane"?
1588
01:16:50,619 --> 01:16:52,484
Am I right? See what
I'm talking about?
1589
01:16:52,554 --> 01:16:53,885
Another plane? Right?
1590
01:16:53,956 --> 01:16:55,446
Don't you hate when you're
in the supermarket...
1591
01:16:55,524 --> 01:16:56,889
you know, and you're in aisle three.
1592
01:16:56,959 --> 01:16:58,256
And, like, " Clean up
on aisle three."
1593
01:16:58,327 --> 01:16:59,817
You know? And you're, like,
"What am I doing here?"
1594
01:16:59,895 --> 01:17:01,294
I'm in aisle three, huh? Right?
1595
01:17:01,363 --> 01:17:03,797
You're all my fans, right?
You all love me, right?
1596
01:17:03,866 --> 01:17:05,333
Who saw Employee of the Month?
1597
01:17:05,401 --> 01:17:06,800
Okay, that's cool.
1598
01:17:06,869 --> 01:17:08,097
Right? Yeah, what's up, Leonidas?
1599
01:17:08,170 --> 01:17:09,967
Super fingers to you.
1600
01:17:10,039 --> 01:17:11,006
No.
1601
01:17:11,073 --> 01:17:12,438
(smacking, whooshing)
1602
01:17:12,508 --> 01:17:13,600
Super fingers...
1603
01:17:13,676 --> 01:17:15,473
to you, Dane Cook!
1604
01:17:15,544 --> 01:17:16,943
(grunts)
1605
01:17:17,012 --> 01:17:19,503
This is a metaphor for my career.
1606
01:17:19,581 --> 01:17:20,843
You're off my MySpace page.
1607
01:17:20,916 --> 01:17:22,884
I'm really 42.
1608
01:17:22,952 --> 01:17:25,477
(relieved sigh)
1609
01:17:25,554 --> 01:17:26,851
Sorry, I didn't hear
what you said...
1610
01:17:26,922 --> 01:17:28,219
(British accent): because
I can't understand you...
1611
01:17:28,290 --> 01:17:29,985
'cause you talk like this.
1612
01:17:30,059 --> 01:17:32,357
Your mama's such
an old sloppy drunk...
1613
01:17:32,428 --> 01:17:34,828
I thought she was David Hasselhoff.
1614
01:17:34,897 --> 01:17:36,922
- (laughter)
- Yeah!
1615
01:17:38,734 --> 01:17:40,167
From Knight Rider.
1616
01:17:40,235 --> 01:17:41,361
Dinaladas, do-
1617
01:17:41,437 --> 01:17:42,927
Dot- Dingalidas, Dingalidas...
1618
01:17:43,005 --> 01:17:44,939
Dingledangle, do...
1619
01:17:45,007 --> 01:17:47,999
leg squats, and then
you will be a star...
1620
01:17:48,077 --> 01:17:49,669
you will be a star.
1621
01:17:49,745 --> 01:17:52,213
(whispering inaudibly)
1622
01:17:52,281 --> 01:17:56,445
The last episode of Sopranos
was most disappointing.
1623
01:17:56,518 --> 01:17:59,544
I mean, did Tony get whacked
or live or what?
1624
01:18:03,359 --> 01:18:05,452
What happens in Vegas...
1625
01:18:05,527 --> 01:18:08,052
stays in Vegas.
1626
01:18:08,130 --> 01:18:12,464
You just-You keep doing
the thing you do...
1627
01:18:12,534 --> 01:18:15,867
'cause... the do is thing you do.
1628
01:18:17,239 --> 01:18:19,707
# Hey, DJ, turn me out #
1629
01:18:19,775 --> 01:18:22,175
#You gotta keep me movin'
till the moon goes down #
1630
01:18:22,244 --> 01:18:24,940
# If you want to show me,
get below me #
1631
01:18:25,014 --> 01:18:27,414
# Shake your thing
till you don't feel lonely #
1632
01:18:27,483 --> 01:18:29,383
# Hey, mister, break it down #
1633
01:18:29,451 --> 01:18:31,851
#You're a B-Boy
that nearly hit the ground #
1634
01:18:31,920 --> 01:18:34,650
#You could play it real cool,
act the old school #
1635
01:18:34,723 --> 01:18:37,385
#Jump around until
your act is so cool #
1636
01:18:46,935 --> 01:18:48,835
# Clap your hands
if you're feelin' me #
1637
01:18:48,904 --> 01:18:51,702
# One to the two,
two to the three #
1638
01:18:51,774 --> 01:18:53,969
# Clap your hands
if you're in the mix #
1639
01:18:54,043 --> 01:18:56,841
# Four to the five,
five to the six #
1640
01:19:06,455 --> 01:19:09,447
##
1641
01:19:11,126 --> 01:19:12,957
# Hey, DJ, turn me out #
1642
01:19:13,028 --> 01:19:15,496
#You gotta keep me movin'
till the moon goes down #
1643
01:19:15,564 --> 01:19:18,192
# If you want to show me,
get below me #
1644
01:19:18,267 --> 01:19:20,701
# Shake your thing
till you don't feel lonely #
1645
01:19:20,769 --> 01:19:22,703
# Hey, mister, break it down #
1646
01:19:22,771 --> 01:19:25,205
#You're a B-Boy
that nearly hit the ground #
1647
01:19:25,274 --> 01:19:27,970
#You could play it real cool,
act the old school #
1648
01:19:28,043 --> 01:19:30,773
#Jump around until
your act is so cool. #
1649
01:19:37,853 --> 01:19:41,152
(song ends)
1650
01:19:41,223 --> 01:19:45,159
(chorus sings noble,
triumphant theme)
1651
01:19:45,227 --> 01:19:49,220
(orchestration joins in,
accompanying chorus)
1652
01:19:59,241 --> 01:20:03,234
##
1653
01:20:13,255 --> 01:20:17,248
(orchestra playing suite
of dramatic themes)
1654
01:20:27,269 --> 01:20:31,262
##
1655
01:20:41,283 --> 01:20:45,276
##
1656
01:20:55,297 --> 01:20:59,290
##
1657
01:21:09,311 --> 01:21:13,304
##
1658
01:21:23,325 --> 01:21:27,318
##
1659
01:21:37,339 --> 01:21:41,332
##
1660
01:21:51,353 --> 01:21:55,346
##
1661
01:22:05,367 --> 01:22:09,360
##
1662
01:22:19,381 --> 01:22:23,374
##
1663
01:22:33,362 --> 01:22:37,355
##
1664
01:22:47,376 --> 01:22:51,369
##
1665
01:23:01,390 --> 01:23:05,383
##
1666
01:23:15,404 --> 01:23:19,397
##
1667
01:23:29,418 --> 01:23:33,411
##
1668
01:23:43,465 --> 01:23:47,458
##
1669
01:23:57,479 --> 01:24:01,472
##
1670
01:24:11,493 --> 01:24:15,486
##
1671
01:24:25,507 --> 01:24:29,500
##
1672
01:24:39,521 --> 01:24:43,514
##
1673
01:24:53,535 --> 01:24:57,528
##
1674
01:25:07,549 --> 01:25:11,542
##
1675
01:25:21,563 --> 01:25:25,556
##
1676
01:25:35,577 --> 01:25:39,570
##
1677
01:25:49,591 --> 01:25:53,584
##
1678
01:26:03,605 --> 01:26:07,598
##
1679
01:26:10,045 --> 01:26:11,342
(rifle cocking,
blade scraping)
1680
01:26:11,413 --> 01:26:13,643
(low voice): When you're pushed,
killing's as easy as...
1681
01:26:13,715 --> 01:26:14,007
(higher pitch): dancin'.
1682
01:26:15,784 --> 01:26:21,950
(dance music plays)
1683
01:26:21,951 --> 01:26:22,951
Subtitles by LeapinLar