1 00:00:59,539 --> 00:01:01,905 The rain appears to have stopped. 2 00:01:01,975 --> 00:01:03,943 We can continue with the portrait. 3 00:01:03,977 --> 00:01:05,103 So I should hope. 4 00:01:05,178 --> 00:01:08,272 First time we've had the family together for six years. 5 00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:11,146 We'll need both banks of fill lights. 6 00:01:11,184 --> 00:01:13,084 I've already strung the cables, sir. 7 00:01:30,103 --> 00:01:31,070 Could you? 8 00:01:31,104 --> 00:01:32,571 Permit me, Your Majesty. 9 00:01:34,708 --> 00:01:35,675 HER MAJESTY: Thank you. 10 00:01:49,089 --> 00:01:51,557 -All set up, sir. -Thank you. 11 00:01:51,591 --> 00:01:53,388 We're ready now, everybody. 12 00:01:53,427 --> 00:01:55,395 Look straight into the lens... 13 00:01:55,429 --> 00:01:58,262 and keep your eyes wide and bright. 14 00:01:58,298 --> 00:02:00,266 Now, after three. One... 15 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:02,097 two... 16 00:02:02,135 --> 00:02:03,864 three. 17 00:02:23,824 --> 00:02:28,090 MAN: At a time like this, any task is difficult, 18 00:02:28,128 --> 00:02:32,064 but a surviving heir to the throne must be found. 19 00:02:32,098 --> 00:02:34,066 The nation, the commonwealth, 20 00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:37,558 and, I daresay, the known world await your findings. 21 00:02:37,604 --> 00:02:39,128 Good luck, gentlemen. 22 00:03:23,550 --> 00:03:26,678 Since when do we give a toss about this kind of bullshit? 23 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,187 Shut up, Dysentery. 24 00:03:28,221 --> 00:03:30,712 Where's your sense of national flipping pride? 25 00:04:10,397 --> 00:04:12,365 Uh, uh, you. 26 00:04:12,399 --> 00:04:14,731 -Excuse me, Sir Cedric. -Yes? 27 00:04:15,235 --> 00:04:17,294 I believe we've found an heir. 28 00:04:17,337 --> 00:04:19,532 That's wonderful, Duncan. Who is it? 29 00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:23,566 His name is Jones. Ralph Jones. 30 00:04:23,643 --> 00:04:26,134 Is he everything we might have hoped? 31 00:04:26,212 --> 00:04:29,181 He has his strengths and his weaknesses. 32 00:04:29,215 --> 00:04:32,343 You see, he's an American. 33 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,751 Quickly, Duncan, the strengths. 34 00:04:39,926 --> 00:04:42,918 MAN: Here's one from Don Ho, 35 00:04:42,963 --> 00:04:44,954 the godfather of Hawaiian soul. 36 00:04:45,966 --> 00:04:48,230 Tiny bubbles 37 00:04:48,268 --> 00:04:49,257 Thank you. 38 00:04:50,737 --> 00:04:53,638 In the wine 39 00:04:55,809 --> 00:04:57,970 Make me happy 40 00:04:58,044 --> 00:05:00,512 Oh, howthey 41 00:05:00,547 --> 00:05:02,572 Make me feel fine 42 00:05:02,649 --> 00:05:04,776 How a how we do 43 00:05:04,818 --> 00:05:06,115 He's in there. 44 00:05:06,152 --> 00:05:08,313 Tiny bubbles 45 00:05:09,356 --> 00:05:14,521 Make me warm all over 46 00:05:14,561 --> 00:05:15,960 Are you shitting me? 47 00:05:15,996 --> 00:05:20,330 And the feelin' that I'm gonna love you 48 00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:23,165 Till the end of time 49 00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:28,232 Thank you. 50 00:05:30,010 --> 00:05:31,272 Ah-choo! 51 00:05:31,344 --> 00:05:33,312 Brady, I've got that 20 for you tomorrow. 52 00:05:33,346 --> 00:05:34,813 BRADY: Yeah, right. 53 00:05:36,950 --> 00:05:38,110 Hey, Mitzi. 54 00:05:38,151 --> 00:05:40,779 Heard your show went a little better than mine. 55 00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:43,288 Ed, what are you doing down here? 56 00:05:43,323 --> 00:05:45,450 We're not paying you to watch television. 57 00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:48,127 Excuse me. 58 00:05:48,161 --> 00:05:52,257 Hello, my name is Duncan Phipps. This is Inspector McGuire. 59 00:05:52,298 --> 00:05:54,732 Great. A couple of checks bounce? 60 00:05:54,768 --> 00:05:57,464 No, he's here for your protection. 61 00:05:57,504 --> 00:06:00,098 ED: Jones, I'm not finished talking to you. 62 00:06:00,140 --> 00:06:02,335 Come in. I'll sign a picture for you. 63 00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:06,735 Smashing show, by the way. Absolutely smashing. 64 00:06:06,813 --> 00:06:09,577 -We're not renewing you. -What? 65 00:06:09,616 --> 00:06:11,880 I'm putting Mitzi in your slot. 66 00:06:11,918 --> 00:06:14,819 [Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh] 67 00:06:14,854 --> 00:06:17,084 You little back-stabbing bitch. 68 00:06:18,692 --> 00:06:20,057 ED: Turn in your tux. 69 00:06:20,093 --> 00:06:22,618 'Cause I wouldn't sing The lmpossible Dream? 70 00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:24,654 Vacate your room by noon tomorrow, 71 00:06:24,698 --> 00:06:27,166 or we'll put your stuff in the street. 72 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,929 RALPH: Can you believe that? 73 00:06:28,968 --> 00:06:30,936 It's beyond all comprehension, Your Majesty. 74 00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:33,939 But I have news that might bring you some cheer. 75 00:06:33,973 --> 00:06:35,167 I doubt it. 76 00:06:39,112 --> 00:06:42,309 It is my glorious duty to inform you... 77 00:06:42,348 --> 00:06:45,579 that you are the new... 78 00:06:45,618 --> 00:06:48,519 king of England. 79 00:06:54,427 --> 00:06:57,419 DUNCAN: The duke of Warren... 80 00:06:57,464 --> 00:06:59,898 had a small dalliance with your grandmother Constance, 81 00:06:59,933 --> 00:07:03,369 who was a waitress at the hotel where he was staying. 82 00:07:03,403 --> 00:07:06,861 One gastro death-dealer with onions, jalapenos, and Tabasco. 83 00:07:06,906 --> 00:07:08,271 Thank you. 84 00:07:08,341 --> 00:07:12,209 At any rate, Constance had a son, your father. 85 00:07:12,245 --> 00:07:15,271 Since he and your grandmother are both dead, 86 00:07:15,348 --> 00:07:19,478 you are the only surviving royal heir in your line. 87 00:07:19,519 --> 00:07:20,713 Even if I believed you, which I don't, 88 00:07:20,754 --> 00:07:23,222 I haven't got time to be king of England. 89 00:07:23,256 --> 00:07:24,723 I got to get a job. 90 00:07:24,758 --> 00:07:26,623 This is more than a job. 91 00:07:26,659 --> 00:07:28,627 Maybe I'll put a band together, 92 00:07:28,661 --> 00:07:30,296 get back to playing rock 'n' roll. 93 00:07:30,296 --> 00:07:34,630 But you can't refuse the throne. It's a sacred trust. 94 00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:36,259 What does this sacred trust pay? 95 00:07:36,302 --> 00:07:38,566 You don't get a salary. 96 00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:40,334 I pay you, right? 97 00:07:40,373 --> 00:07:41,863 You don't need money. 98 00:07:41,941 --> 00:07:43,408 Everything's taken care of. 99 00:07:43,476 --> 00:07:46,968 The king has a castle-- five castles, actually-- 100 00:07:47,046 --> 00:07:50,982 a fleet of cars, a yacht, a staff of servants. 101 00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:53,678 Good God, the future of a nation's at stake! 102 00:07:55,922 --> 00:07:58,322 You're good, Dunc. Real good. 103 00:07:58,992 --> 00:08:00,459 Hmm. 104 00:08:00,493 --> 00:08:02,393 Do you remember your grandmother at all? 105 00:08:02,428 --> 00:08:03,395 RALPH: Connie? Yeah. 106 00:08:03,429 --> 00:08:05,488 Do you remember a ring she wore? 107 00:08:05,532 --> 00:08:09,059 Sure. She said she got it from some prince. 108 00:08:10,103 --> 00:08:13,197 There's only one other like it, the duke of Warren's. 109 00:08:13,239 --> 00:08:14,729 Was this the ring? 110 00:08:17,911 --> 00:08:19,469 Holy shit. 111 00:08:23,082 --> 00:08:24,049 Yes! 112 00:08:26,019 --> 00:08:28,487 Yes! Ha ha! 113 00:08:28,521 --> 00:08:29,818 Awoo! 114 00:08:39,499 --> 00:08:40,966 RALPH: How long you think you'll be needing me? 115 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,468 I've never held a job for more than six months. 116 00:08:43,503 --> 00:08:47,064 DUNCAN: A king is a king for life. 117 00:08:47,106 --> 00:08:49,165 RALPH: No problem. My schedule's pretty open. 118 00:08:52,512 --> 00:08:57,211 Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh 119 00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:59,411 Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh 120 00:08:59,452 --> 00:09:02,216 Ahh 121 00:09:02,255 --> 00:09:07,158 Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh 122 00:09:07,193 --> 00:09:09,525 God save the king 123 00:09:09,562 --> 00:09:11,496 God save the king 124 00:09:11,531 --> 00:09:13,658 Rule Britannia 125 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:16,965 God save the king 126 00:09:22,575 --> 00:09:25,544 There it is, Your Majesty. Your new home. 127 00:09:29,082 --> 00:09:30,413 RALPH: Which room is mine? 128 00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:32,577 DUNCAN: Well, all of them. 129 00:09:32,619 --> 00:09:35,554 God save the king 130 00:09:35,588 --> 00:09:38,489 God save the king 131 00:09:38,725 --> 00:09:40,386 Excuse me, Sir Cedric. 132 00:09:40,426 --> 00:09:42,223 His Majesty is here. 133 00:09:43,463 --> 00:09:44,589 Very good. 134 00:09:53,072 --> 00:09:57,839 Allow me to introduce Our Sovereign Lord, Ralph Jones, 135 00:09:57,911 --> 00:10:00,379 king of Great Britain, Northern Ireland, 136 00:10:00,413 --> 00:10:03,382 and all her other realms and territories, 137 00:10:03,416 --> 00:10:06,613 head of the commonwealth, defender of the faith. 138 00:10:15,228 --> 00:10:16,889 RALPH: How you doing? 139 00:10:23,603 --> 00:10:27,801 How do you do, Your Majesty? I'm Cedric Willingham. 140 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,273 Glad to meet you, Ced. 141 00:10:39,152 --> 00:10:41,347 Have you ever been to England before? 142 00:10:42,155 --> 00:10:43,144 No. 143 00:10:44,924 --> 00:10:47,688 But I have almost all the Rolling Stones' albums. 144 00:10:47,727 --> 00:10:50,218 Well, then you're practically a native. 145 00:10:52,632 --> 00:10:54,759 Dunc says you've been here 25 years. 146 00:10:54,801 --> 00:10:56,826 You must be a hell of a typist by now. 147 00:10:56,869 --> 00:10:58,928 I'm not that type of secretary. 148 00:10:58,972 --> 00:11:02,237 My duty is to instruct you in the arts of sovereignty... 149 00:11:02,308 --> 00:11:03,935 to make you a king. 150 00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:07,946 Look, my duties are mostly for show, right? 151 00:11:08,014 --> 00:11:09,481 I hope you're not counting on me... 152 00:11:09,515 --> 00:11:10,982 to solve large national problems. 153 00:11:11,017 --> 00:11:13,315 I don't have a lot of experience with that. 154 00:11:13,353 --> 00:11:16,481 English law prohibits monarchs from solving problems. 155 00:11:16,522 --> 00:11:19,616 Unfortunately, it doesn't prohibit you from creating them. 156 00:11:19,659 --> 00:11:22,856 Good. That's a load off my mind. 157 00:11:23,529 --> 00:11:25,793 So, where do we start? 158 00:11:27,266 --> 00:11:28,426 Everywhere. 159 00:11:41,547 --> 00:11:44,015 CEDRIC: Think of what name you'd like to use as king. 160 00:11:45,218 --> 00:11:48,654 Edward and George have been popular this century. 161 00:11:48,688 --> 00:11:50,155 RALPH: What's wrong with Ralph? 162 00:11:50,189 --> 00:11:53,647 CEDRIC: It lacks a certain... majesty. 163 00:11:53,693 --> 00:11:56,662 I can't really think of any notable Ralph. 164 00:11:56,696 --> 00:11:58,220 RALPH: Well, sure. 165 00:11:59,532 --> 00:12:01,659 Ralph Macchio. 166 00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:03,328 Ralph Lauren. 167 00:12:03,369 --> 00:12:04,597 Ralph Kramden. 168 00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:15,112 This is extremely nice. Better than I'm used to. 169 00:12:15,148 --> 00:12:17,480 CEDRIC: This is the picture gallery. 170 00:12:17,517 --> 00:12:20,486 Many of the people in these paintings are your relatives. 171 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,978 That's the duke of Warren, your unfortunate grandfather. 172 00:12:24,023 --> 00:12:25,547 You have his chin. 173 00:12:26,426 --> 00:12:27,893 Hmm. 174 00:12:27,927 --> 00:12:30,725 That's George III. You may remember him. 175 00:12:30,763 --> 00:12:32,697 He was king during that temper tantrum... 176 00:12:32,732 --> 00:12:35,030 you call the Revolutionary War. 177 00:12:35,068 --> 00:12:39,198 Sounds like sour grapes. We did kick your ass. 178 00:12:39,238 --> 00:12:42,264 The loss is entirely yours, or rather, theirs. 179 00:12:42,341 --> 00:12:44,309 Remember that you're an Englishman now. 180 00:12:44,343 --> 00:12:46,777 RALPH: I still think they kicked our ass. 181 00:12:56,122 --> 00:12:57,851 CEDRIC: Just a few quick questions... 182 00:12:57,890 --> 00:13:00,358 to probe your knowledge of English history. 183 00:13:00,393 --> 00:13:01,951 RALPH: Fine. 184 00:13:01,994 --> 00:13:03,757 When she failed to give him a son, 185 00:13:03,796 --> 00:13:05,764 Henry Vlll had Anne Boleyn... 186 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:08,799 Look into adoption? 187 00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:10,268 Beheaded. 188 00:13:10,303 --> 00:13:12,567 Jeez, this is a tough country. 189 00:13:12,605 --> 00:13:15,335 Would this be to your liking? 190 00:13:15,408 --> 00:13:16,773 I kind of like that. 191 00:13:19,312 --> 00:13:22,076 That's an upholstery fabric, Your Majesty. 192 00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:25,279 The English people don't generally like their monarch... 193 00:13:25,318 --> 00:13:26,945 to look like a sofa. 194 00:13:26,986 --> 00:13:27,975 Ah. 195 00:13:30,556 --> 00:13:33,286 These are traditional English dishes, 196 00:13:33,326 --> 00:13:35,191 some of which you will be served tonight. 197 00:13:35,228 --> 00:13:38,254 Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding... 198 00:13:38,297 --> 00:13:39,764 bangers and mash... 199 00:13:39,799 --> 00:13:42,267 and the ever popular spotted dick. 200 00:13:42,301 --> 00:13:44,292 Spotted dick? 201 00:13:47,473 --> 00:13:49,031 Dick of what? 202 00:13:49,108 --> 00:13:51,099 These are the bangers. 203 00:13:51,177 --> 00:13:52,804 Sausages. 204 00:13:53,846 --> 00:13:55,677 The spotted dick is a dessert. 205 00:13:58,351 --> 00:14:00,012 Could I just have some ice cream? 206 00:14:00,853 --> 00:14:05,517 Quite a first day, Your Majesty. I'll leave you to rest now. 207 00:14:05,558 --> 00:14:07,685 This is Your Majesty's bedroom. 208 00:14:13,833 --> 00:14:15,323 There you go, chief. 209 00:14:25,378 --> 00:14:27,346 CEDRIC: Unfortunately, you do have the option... 210 00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:30,280 to redecorate your private quarters as you see fit. 211 00:14:30,316 --> 00:14:31,647 Good. I got some ideas. 212 00:14:31,684 --> 00:14:33,675 We'll put the velour industry on full standby. 213 00:14:33,719 --> 00:14:36,950 Through there is your dining room. 214 00:14:36,989 --> 00:14:38,854 Across the way, the bath. 215 00:14:38,891 --> 00:14:40,222 Through here is your study. 216 00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:44,320 And there is your dressing room. 217 00:14:44,363 --> 00:14:45,853 Anything we've left out? 218 00:14:47,366 --> 00:14:49,926 I don't know. How about a bowling alley? 219 00:14:49,969 --> 00:14:51,903 CEDRIC: One other thing. 220 00:14:51,938 --> 00:14:54,406 At your coronation four months hence, 221 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,432 you will be required to wear the imperial state crown. 222 00:14:57,476 --> 00:14:59,535 It's usually kept in the Tower of London, 223 00:14:59,612 --> 00:15:01,580 but we placed it near your bed... 224 00:15:01,614 --> 00:15:04,378 as a reminder of the eminence of your office. 225 00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:05,884 It contains the Star of India, 226 00:15:05,918 --> 00:15:08,443 the world's second largest diamond. 227 00:15:08,487 --> 00:15:11,923 You should practice wearing it to get used to the weight. 228 00:15:13,426 --> 00:15:15,917 -Good evening, Your Majesty. -Thanks. 229 00:15:16,929 --> 00:15:18,658 RALPH: Hey, Ced. CEDRIC: Yes? 230 00:15:20,166 --> 00:15:22,396 What is it that a king does all day? 231 00:15:22,835 --> 00:15:24,996 Scarcely a minute of your day is unaccounted for. 232 00:15:25,037 --> 00:15:28,006 Nevertheless, what you do is not as important... 233 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,530 as what you are. 234 00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:31,768 What am I? 235 00:15:32,612 --> 00:15:33,909 To be the king of England... 236 00:15:33,946 --> 00:15:36,847 is a responsibility like no other on Earth. 237 00:15:36,882 --> 00:15:38,645 You must become a symbol... 238 00:15:38,684 --> 00:15:41,414 of all that is best about England. 239 00:15:41,454 --> 00:15:43,422 An embodiment of our history, our culture, 240 00:15:43,456 --> 00:15:46,186 our morality, our pride of achievement. 241 00:15:46,225 --> 00:15:50,389 In short, our ideal of civilization. 242 00:15:50,429 --> 00:15:52,795 You must, in the harsh light of public scrutiny, 243 00:15:52,832 --> 00:15:56,598 exhibit all of our virtues and none of our shortcomings. 244 00:15:57,270 --> 00:15:59,670 I thought all I was supposed to do... 245 00:15:59,705 --> 00:16:01,866 was dress up and wave. 246 00:16:01,941 --> 00:16:03,738 I don't even know what our virtues are. 247 00:16:03,809 --> 00:16:05,834 You will learn soon enough. 248 00:16:05,911 --> 00:16:08,402 I'm afraid it's a god's burden to bear. 249 00:16:08,481 --> 00:16:11,939 Unfortunately, it must be borne by a man. 250 00:16:13,452 --> 00:16:15,386 Good evening, Your Majesty. 251 00:16:32,371 --> 00:16:34,100 It's not enough to be king. 252 00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:36,108 You must look and act like one. 253 00:16:36,142 --> 00:16:37,439 We'll begin with the walk. 254 00:16:38,511 --> 00:16:41,036 Imagine yourself to be the master of your domain... 255 00:16:43,015 --> 00:16:44,243 the leader of men. 256 00:16:45,785 --> 00:16:47,377 Don't swing your arms. 257 00:16:48,954 --> 00:16:50,319 Back straight. 258 00:16:51,457 --> 00:16:52,446 Head up. 259 00:16:54,026 --> 00:16:54,958 But relaxed. 260 00:16:57,596 --> 00:17:00,030 -How am I doing? -Wait! 261 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:01,889 Aah! 262 00:17:08,307 --> 00:17:11,367 It's an unmitigated catastrophe, Prime Minister, 263 00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:14,504 this song-and-dance man from the colonies. 264 00:17:15,047 --> 00:17:17,845 It's the end of everything that we hold dear. 265 00:17:17,883 --> 00:17:19,350 Please keep in mind... 266 00:17:19,385 --> 00:17:22,252 that Jones will need a certain period of adjustment. 267 00:17:22,288 --> 00:17:26,418 He's American. He's impervious to adjustment. 268 00:17:26,459 --> 00:17:28,927 Better that Parliament declare his line at an end... 269 00:17:28,961 --> 00:17:32,192 than subject England to this embarrassment. 270 00:17:32,231 --> 00:17:35,064 Are you suggesting that we have no king at all? 271 00:17:35,101 --> 00:17:36,591 Certainly not. 272 00:17:36,635 --> 00:17:38,694 Simply choose a king from the House of Stuart, 273 00:17:38,738 --> 00:17:40,433 who reigned in glory before the Wyndhams, 274 00:17:40,473 --> 00:17:42,703 make theirs a royal line. 275 00:17:42,775 --> 00:17:44,743 That would be your line, Lord Graves, 276 00:17:44,777 --> 00:17:47,769 making you next in line for the throne? 277 00:17:48,581 --> 00:17:50,913 Yes, I believe it would. 278 00:17:51,584 --> 00:17:53,848 Removing Jones would be a drastic measure... 279 00:17:53,886 --> 00:17:56,047 for Parliament to take. 280 00:17:56,088 --> 00:17:59,319 He does have royal blood, no matter how badly diluted. 281 00:18:00,059 --> 00:18:02,960 So until he commits some grievous error, 282 00:18:02,995 --> 00:18:05,486 we will simply have to live with him. 283 00:18:05,531 --> 00:18:06,896 Well... 284 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,058 Yes. 285 00:18:10,569 --> 00:18:12,059 I suppose so. 286 00:18:14,039 --> 00:18:16,872 You really fell upstairs this time. 287 00:18:16,942 --> 00:18:19,433 Too bad it's only going to last the rest of your life. 288 00:18:24,617 --> 00:18:26,380 You called, Your Majesty? 289 00:18:26,419 --> 00:18:27,909 Which one are you again? 290 00:18:27,953 --> 00:18:30,888 Gordon, Your Majesty's page. 291 00:18:30,923 --> 00:18:32,891 Yeah, Gordon, I was just wondering... 292 00:18:32,925 --> 00:18:35,553 if you could bring me something, anything. 293 00:18:35,594 --> 00:18:36,822 Anything? 294 00:18:36,862 --> 00:18:40,059 I've never had anybody bring me something before. 295 00:18:40,099 --> 00:18:41,123 Certainly. 296 00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:44,398 Perhaps an assortment of fine chocolates. 297 00:18:44,437 --> 00:18:46,496 Got any Milk Duds? 298 00:19:08,661 --> 00:19:10,925 Sir Cedric, Sir Cedric! The king's gone! 299 00:19:10,963 --> 00:19:12,260 He just walked out. 300 00:19:12,298 --> 00:19:13,765 CEDRIC: Why didn't anyone stop him? 301 00:19:13,799 --> 00:19:15,562 GORDON: We tried, but he is the king. 302 00:19:15,601 --> 00:19:16,966 DUNCAN: McGuire's with him. 303 00:19:17,002 --> 00:19:18,936 CEDRIC: We've got to find him before the press does. 304 00:19:18,971 --> 00:19:21,633 Think--you've just been made king of England. 305 00:19:21,707 --> 00:19:23,675 Where's the first place you would go? 306 00:19:37,189 --> 00:19:39,419 Our headliner, Miss Fannie Oakley! 307 00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:40,652 Thank you, Fannie! 308 00:19:40,693 --> 00:19:44,356 And now, a lady making her professional debut. 309 00:19:44,396 --> 00:19:48,628 Straight from Las Vegas, Nevada, 310 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:51,397 Miss Flamingo Mirage! 311 00:20:11,056 --> 00:20:12,114 Yes, sir. 312 00:20:12,157 --> 00:20:13,784 Brewer Street, Soho. 313 00:20:13,826 --> 00:20:15,316 I will, sir. 314 00:20:41,921 --> 00:20:45,118 I'm sorry. I can't do this. 315 00:20:49,428 --> 00:20:51,191 M.C.: Moving along now, 316 00:20:51,230 --> 00:20:54,063 let's welcome that saucy southern belle... 317 00:20:56,168 --> 00:20:58,432 RALPH: Hey there, Flamingo, hi. 318 00:20:59,371 --> 00:21:01,703 Really unique show. Striptease without the nudity. 319 00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:03,367 My name's Miranda. 320 00:21:03,442 --> 00:21:05,410 The show was terrible. Who are you? 321 00:21:05,444 --> 00:21:07,241 Ralph Jones. 322 00:21:07,279 --> 00:21:09,247 You don't really have a Vegas accent. 323 00:21:09,281 --> 00:21:11,511 I wouldn't know. I've never been there. 324 00:21:11,550 --> 00:21:13,848 Oh! How embarrassing. 325 00:21:13,886 --> 00:21:16,252 Why did I ever think I could do this? 326 00:21:16,288 --> 00:21:19,189 RALPH: You got to remember to take a crossover step... 327 00:21:19,224 --> 00:21:20,691 before doing your spin-back, 328 00:21:20,726 --> 00:21:23,320 or you'll never make it for the hip reveal. 329 00:21:23,362 --> 00:21:25,557 Girls have trouble with that the first night. 330 00:21:25,598 --> 00:21:28,066 This is my only night. They sacked me. 331 00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,625 Know anybody who'd want a tear-away dress? 332 00:21:30,669 --> 00:21:32,159 One of the maids? 333 00:21:32,204 --> 00:21:35,970 We should stay with the present uniform. 334 00:21:36,041 --> 00:21:38,236 Phippsie, I didn't know... 335 00:21:38,310 --> 00:21:39,971 you went for this sort of thing. 336 00:21:40,045 --> 00:21:41,808 I want you to meet Miranda. 337 00:21:42,648 --> 00:21:45,776 -You guys work here? -Well, no. 338 00:21:45,818 --> 00:21:47,217 Then what are you doing backstage? 339 00:21:47,252 --> 00:21:50,517 It's OK. I'm the new king here. 340 00:21:50,556 --> 00:21:52,615 The king of what, burlesque? 341 00:21:52,658 --> 00:21:55,058 No. England. 342 00:21:55,094 --> 00:21:57,296 That's not the proper thing to joke about. 343 00:21:57,296 --> 00:21:59,457 I'm not joking. They hired me yesterday. 344 00:21:59,498 --> 00:22:01,261 I could get your job back. 345 00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:06,431 I don't want my job back. I want to get dressed. 346 00:22:06,472 --> 00:22:09,305 This'll only take a minute. I'm new in town. 347 00:22:09,375 --> 00:22:11,309 We could get together tomorrow night, 348 00:22:11,343 --> 00:22:14,471 maybe have a drink, discuss the country's mood-- 349 00:22:14,546 --> 00:22:16,571 Alan! He's the bouncer. 350 00:22:16,649 --> 00:22:19,311 This is ridiculous. Nobody believes me. 351 00:22:19,351 --> 00:22:21,876 We should print some cards. 352 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,320 -Alan! -I'll make you a deal. 353 00:22:24,356 --> 00:22:28,258 If I prove that I'm king, you got to go out with me. 354 00:22:28,293 --> 00:22:31,160 ALAN: What are you doing here? These friends of yours? 355 00:22:31,196 --> 00:22:32,959 MIRANDA: No. 356 00:22:32,998 --> 00:22:35,193 Don't you be touching him now, lad. 357 00:22:38,570 --> 00:22:40,538 Have we got a deal? 358 00:22:40,572 --> 00:22:42,039 Yes, all right, fine. 359 00:22:42,107 --> 00:22:44,541 Coming here is the best thing I've done so far. 360 00:22:56,388 --> 00:22:57,685 RALPH: Hiya, Ced. 361 00:22:57,723 --> 00:22:59,213 I need hardly remind you... 362 00:22:59,258 --> 00:23:02,716 that this is not the preferred entertainment of royalty. 363 00:23:02,761 --> 00:23:04,092 Sorry, Ced. 364 00:23:14,073 --> 00:23:16,166 That's it, Your Majesty. Grip the bat. 365 00:23:16,241 --> 00:23:18,539 Swing it vertically, not horizontally. 366 00:23:18,610 --> 00:23:21,170 Unlike baseball, when the ball comes on the fly, 367 00:23:21,246 --> 00:23:22,713 in cricket, it hits the ground. 368 00:23:22,748 --> 00:23:24,716 The bowler is trying to hit your stump. 369 00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:26,718 If he does, you're out. 370 00:23:26,752 --> 00:23:29,915 The better shot to learn is the forward defensive shot. 371 00:23:31,857 --> 00:23:33,017 Bowler. 372 00:23:39,398 --> 00:23:42,561 At first, Your Majesty, just try to block it. 373 00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:08,485 Bowler. 374 00:24:08,527 --> 00:24:11,428 Pitch a few up, bowler. Nice and slow. 375 00:24:25,310 --> 00:24:26,937 It's out of here! 376 00:24:44,163 --> 00:24:46,427 MAN ON TV: Although there's a sense of relief... 377 00:24:46,465 --> 00:24:49,457 in most quarters that a sovereign has been found, 378 00:24:49,501 --> 00:24:53,096 doubts remain as to whether the American-born king... 379 00:24:53,138 --> 00:24:55,606 is cut from the proper cloth. 380 00:24:57,009 --> 00:24:59,876 Son of an itinerant pool player, the king's life, thus far, 381 00:24:59,912 --> 00:25:02,938 has been relatively free of achievement. 382 00:25:03,015 --> 00:25:05,813 His mother is currently in prison... 383 00:25:05,851 --> 00:25:07,045 Miranda Greene? 384 00:25:07,085 --> 00:25:08,382 Yes. 385 00:25:08,420 --> 00:25:10,786 I'm Lord Percival Graves. Have you a moment? 386 00:25:10,823 --> 00:25:13,314 It is a matter of some urgency. 387 00:25:13,358 --> 00:25:14,518 Do come in. 388 00:25:16,528 --> 00:25:19,759 I understand you've met our new king. 389 00:25:19,798 --> 00:25:23,165 Yeah, looks like I did. 390 00:25:25,337 --> 00:25:27,862 And you made quite an impression on him. 391 00:25:27,906 --> 00:25:29,396 Who said that? 392 00:25:29,474 --> 00:25:30,498 Have you seen today's "Bugle"? 393 00:25:31,243 --> 00:25:32,904 "Seventy-two percent of the people... 394 00:25:32,978 --> 00:25:34,775 "see the ascendancy to the throne... 395 00:25:34,813 --> 00:25:36,303 "by an American commoner... 396 00:25:36,381 --> 00:25:39,248 "as a serious threat to the status of the monarchy." 397 00:25:39,284 --> 00:25:41,548 What's this got to do with me? 398 00:25:42,454 --> 00:25:44,547 You are in a unique position... 399 00:25:44,590 --> 00:25:47,354 to be of service to your country. 400 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,050 I'm sure that you are aware... 401 00:25:50,095 --> 00:25:51,494 that members of the royal family... 402 00:25:51,530 --> 00:25:54,988 are expected to maintain certain standards, 403 00:25:55,033 --> 00:25:58,002 particularly with regard to the company they keep. 404 00:25:58,036 --> 00:25:59,333 Now... 405 00:25:59,371 --> 00:26:01,862 if the king of England were to become involved... 406 00:26:01,940 --> 00:26:03,202 with someone like you-- 407 00:26:03,275 --> 00:26:04,537 MIRANDA: Someone like me? 408 00:26:04,610 --> 00:26:07,670 The pressure on him to abdicate would be considerable. 409 00:26:07,746 --> 00:26:09,941 You're asking me to sleep with him? 410 00:26:09,982 --> 00:26:12,007 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 411 00:26:12,084 --> 00:26:13,381 Nothing like that. 412 00:26:13,418 --> 00:26:16,546 I simply want you to spend time with him, 413 00:26:16,588 --> 00:26:19,614 to befriend him, nurture his burgeoning affection... 414 00:26:19,658 --> 00:26:23,116 until such time as a simple photograph can be taken-- 415 00:26:23,161 --> 00:26:25,857 a little snapshot of you together in public. 416 00:26:25,898 --> 00:26:27,229 Forget it. 417 00:26:27,900 --> 00:26:31,427 He is making a mockery of centuries of tradition. 418 00:26:31,470 --> 00:26:33,631 We're on the brink of a national crisis. 419 00:26:33,672 --> 00:26:35,162 I think we'll survive. 420 00:26:35,207 --> 00:26:37,198 What's in this for you? 421 00:26:37,242 --> 00:26:39,767 I'm prepared to make it well worth your while. 422 00:26:39,845 --> 00:26:41,745 Thanks, but I don't need the money. 423 00:26:41,780 --> 00:26:43,145 GRAVES: Ha. 424 00:26:43,181 --> 00:26:44,671 What about your family? 425 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,087 What about them? 426 00:26:49,121 --> 00:26:51,248 Your father and brother have been out of work... 427 00:26:51,290 --> 00:26:53,588 for almost a year, haven't they? 428 00:26:53,625 --> 00:26:56,924 Such a tragedy, the demise of the steel industry. 429 00:26:56,962 --> 00:26:58,361 My inquiries tell me... 430 00:26:58,397 --> 00:27:00,729 that their savings are completely dried up. 431 00:27:00,766 --> 00:27:02,199 Debts are mounting steadily. 432 00:27:02,234 --> 00:27:05,601 It's only a matter of time before the house is repossessed. 433 00:27:07,105 --> 00:27:08,504 Get out. 434 00:27:10,809 --> 00:27:14,210 I don't think you understand quite how much I'm offering. 435 00:27:14,246 --> 00:27:15,440 Close the door. 436 00:27:19,418 --> 00:27:22,114 Fifteen thousand pounds to start, 437 00:27:22,154 --> 00:27:23,348 and if you're successful, 438 00:27:23,388 --> 00:27:26,482 enough to ensure that you never have to worry about money... 439 00:27:26,525 --> 00:27:28,584 for the rest of your life-- 440 00:27:28,627 --> 00:27:30,822 you or your family. 441 00:27:33,131 --> 00:27:34,962 Now, surely you're not prepared... 442 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,467 to sacrifice their future... 443 00:27:36,501 --> 00:27:38,969 for the sake of an American usurper... 444 00:27:39,004 --> 00:27:41,131 that you don't even know? 445 00:27:44,843 --> 00:27:46,174 I think not. 446 00:27:54,086 --> 00:27:55,519 Tea? 447 00:27:59,057 --> 00:28:00,285 [Clank] 448 00:28:04,029 --> 00:28:05,155 Milk? 449 00:28:16,008 --> 00:28:17,168 Sugar? 450 00:28:18,877 --> 00:28:20,344 One lump or two? 451 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:32,383 Two for me. A little bonus, there. 452 00:28:47,372 --> 00:28:48,703 So, will l-- 453 00:28:49,741 --> 00:28:51,299 What's on the agenda today? 454 00:28:53,845 --> 00:28:56,279 CEDRIC: A word of advice. 455 00:28:56,314 --> 00:28:58,009 When you meet the prime minister, 456 00:28:58,050 --> 00:29:01,213 say "How do you do?" rather than "How you doing?" 457 00:29:01,253 --> 00:29:03,414 RALPH: No problem. How do you do? 458 00:29:03,455 --> 00:29:06,515 Excuse me. I didn't sleep much last night. 459 00:29:06,558 --> 00:29:08,025 I'm still on Vegas time, 460 00:29:08,060 --> 00:29:10,221 plus I haven't had a day job for four years. 461 00:29:10,262 --> 00:29:13,959 I'm more of a night owl, but what the hell. 462 00:29:20,739 --> 00:29:22,206 Your Majesty, may I present... 463 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,731 the prime minister, Geoffrey Hale? 464 00:29:24,776 --> 00:29:25,743 How do you do, Jeff? 465 00:29:26,945 --> 00:29:28,742 HALE: It's a pleasure to meet Your Majesty. 466 00:29:28,780 --> 00:29:30,543 RALPH: You can call me Ralph. 467 00:29:30,582 --> 00:29:32,209 No, I'm afraid I can't. 468 00:29:34,286 --> 00:29:35,275 Shall we sit? 469 00:29:37,122 --> 00:29:38,919 I don't want to keep you long, Your Majesty, 470 00:29:38,957 --> 00:29:42,256 but there is a matter of some pressing national interest. 471 00:29:42,294 --> 00:29:43,989 That's why I'm here. 472 00:29:44,029 --> 00:29:46,156 As you know, there's considerable unrest... 473 00:29:46,198 --> 00:29:47,722 in the countries of Africa, 474 00:29:47,766 --> 00:29:50,758 resulting in the emergence of several new states. 475 00:29:51,470 --> 00:29:52,732 Aha. 476 00:29:52,771 --> 00:29:55,069 The first thing we're going to have to do... 477 00:29:55,107 --> 00:29:56,904 is buy all new globes. 478 00:29:56,975 --> 00:29:59,637 Beyond that, I don't think we should rush into anything. 479 00:29:59,711 --> 00:30:04,011 There's no problem that can't be ignored if we try. 480 00:30:04,049 --> 00:30:07,576 Well, of these new states, Zambezi is the most important, 481 00:30:07,619 --> 00:30:10,213 owing to its recently discovered mineral wealth. 482 00:30:10,255 --> 00:30:12,223 That's pretty much my feeling on it. 483 00:30:12,257 --> 00:30:15,124 So we've decided to invite King Mulambon of Zambezi... 484 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,295 to visit England on the 23rd. 485 00:30:17,295 --> 00:30:19,763 I didn't know Zambezi even had a king. 486 00:30:19,798 --> 00:30:21,356 They didn't until recently. 487 00:30:21,399 --> 00:30:23,867 Mulambon is very anxious to legitimize himself... 488 00:30:23,902 --> 00:30:28,339 by rubbing elbows with the royal houses of Europe. 489 00:30:28,373 --> 00:30:29,772 Your Majesty, we would be grateful... 490 00:30:29,841 --> 00:30:34,642 if you would host a reception for...him. 491 00:30:34,679 --> 00:30:37,011 [Snoring] 492 00:30:37,048 --> 00:30:39,346 You'll have to excuse him, Prime Minister. 493 00:30:39,384 --> 00:30:41,352 He is more of a night owl. 494 00:30:43,355 --> 00:30:44,845 Extraordinary fellow. 495 00:30:44,890 --> 00:30:47,324 Could I have a word with you? 496 00:30:47,359 --> 00:30:49,020 He simply won't do. 497 00:30:49,060 --> 00:30:52,325 He's common, ignorant, and extremely ill-mannered. 498 00:30:52,364 --> 00:30:54,298 The man's an orangutan. 499 00:30:54,332 --> 00:30:57,733 God help us with the king of Zambezi. 500 00:30:59,738 --> 00:31:01,501 [Singing] Well, be-bop a-lula 501 00:31:01,540 --> 00:31:05,306 She's my a-baby 502 00:31:05,377 --> 00:31:07,345 Be-bop a-lula 503 00:31:07,379 --> 00:31:08,846 I don't mean maybe-- 504 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:10,780 CEDRIC: Your Majesty. RALPH: Yes? 505 00:31:10,815 --> 00:31:13,181 Did you have a nice nap? 506 00:31:13,218 --> 00:31:16,187 Guess the old jet lag caught up with me. 507 00:31:16,221 --> 00:31:17,552 I'm ready now, though. 508 00:31:17,589 --> 00:31:19,056 There's much to cover. 509 00:31:19,090 --> 00:31:22,821 The new uniforms are ready, and I brought you some books-- 510 00:31:22,861 --> 00:31:24,328 one on English history, 511 00:31:24,362 --> 00:31:26,296 one on the lives of the monarchs, 512 00:31:26,331 --> 00:31:27,821 and a primer on etiquette. 513 00:31:27,866 --> 00:31:30,334 -What's this? -Date night. 514 00:31:30,368 --> 00:31:33,269 Where does a king go to eat some sushi? 515 00:31:33,305 --> 00:31:36,763 CEDRIC: We have no time to arrange the proper security. 516 00:31:36,841 --> 00:31:38,809 What, the Japanese are dangerous here? 517 00:31:38,843 --> 00:31:41,311 CEDRIC: There are elements at large in the world... 518 00:31:41,346 --> 00:31:44,372 who might seek to harm the king of England. 519 00:31:44,449 --> 00:31:45,416 What kind of harm? 520 00:31:45,483 --> 00:31:47,951 Kidnapping you for ransom. 521 00:31:47,986 --> 00:31:50,386 In some cases, even-- 522 00:31:50,422 --> 00:31:52,287 Even what, killing me? 523 00:31:52,324 --> 00:31:55,782 Ced, I can't take too many more of these surprises. 524 00:31:55,827 --> 00:31:58,591 Phipps just talked about castles and boats. 525 00:31:58,630 --> 00:32:00,860 We didn't want to alarm you. 526 00:32:00,899 --> 00:32:03,868 There's nothing to fear once precautions are taken. 527 00:32:03,902 --> 00:32:05,836 You must accept some limitations... 528 00:32:05,870 --> 00:32:08,703 on your personal freedom and on your wardrobe. 529 00:32:08,740 --> 00:32:11,368 So far, there are no royal luaus planned. 530 00:32:11,443 --> 00:32:14,879 I still got to get this date in. 531 00:32:14,946 --> 00:32:16,607 I am the king, right? 532 00:32:19,451 --> 00:32:22,818 Very well...Your Maj. 533 00:32:29,861 --> 00:32:31,795 MAN: With the king's special permission, Harry. 534 00:32:31,830 --> 00:32:33,320 Go on through. 535 00:32:47,245 --> 00:32:49,770 Miss Greene, Your Majesty. 536 00:32:50,849 --> 00:32:52,248 Your Majesty. 537 00:32:52,284 --> 00:32:54,218 You don't have to worry about that. 538 00:32:54,252 --> 00:32:56,277 And, please, call me Ralph. 539 00:32:56,321 --> 00:32:58,789 Oh, I'm sorry. I could never do that. 540 00:32:58,823 --> 00:33:00,814 Yeah. God knows what could happen. 541 00:33:07,299 --> 00:33:09,358 Well, I guess it's just the seven of us. 542 00:33:10,468 --> 00:33:11,958 That was a lovely dinner. 543 00:33:12,003 --> 00:33:14,972 I can't believe I'm eating in the Throne Room. 544 00:33:15,006 --> 00:33:17,770 Yeah, well, Willingham wanted it to be intimate. 545 00:33:17,842 --> 00:33:21,039 I asked Gordon for some music we could dance to. 546 00:33:22,514 --> 00:33:23,913 Ah. Here's dessert. 547 00:33:25,784 --> 00:33:27,012 Would you care for some spotted-- 548 00:33:33,124 --> 00:33:34,284 Dick? 549 00:33:35,527 --> 00:33:36,516 Yeah. 550 00:33:38,563 --> 00:33:41,031 I came to London to study design. 551 00:33:41,066 --> 00:33:42,533 I tried exotic dancing... 552 00:33:42,567 --> 00:33:44,694 because I needed some extra money. 553 00:33:44,736 --> 00:33:47,204 I went to night school for a bit. 554 00:33:47,238 --> 00:33:51,470 When my dad lost his job, I started sending money home. 555 00:33:51,543 --> 00:33:54,171 There wasn't enough left to go to school. 556 00:33:54,245 --> 00:33:56,611 I don't know if I'll ever go back. 557 00:33:57,048 --> 00:33:58,913 Something will break for you. 558 00:33:58,950 --> 00:34:00,747 I've never done anything my whole life. 559 00:34:00,785 --> 00:34:03,117 Look where I am. There. 560 00:34:04,289 --> 00:34:06,450 -What's this? -What's what? 561 00:34:06,491 --> 00:34:08,550 There's no such word as "yo." 562 00:34:08,593 --> 00:34:12,495 I use it all the time. You don't have to look it up. 563 00:34:12,530 --> 00:34:14,157 We're using the King's English. 564 00:34:14,199 --> 00:34:15,996 If I say it, it's a word. 565 00:34:16,034 --> 00:34:19,993 The Y's on a triple word score. I'm catching up. 566 00:34:20,038 --> 00:34:22,370 Narrowed the gap to 164 points. 567 00:34:29,147 --> 00:34:30,375 What? 568 00:34:30,415 --> 00:34:32,383 I don't know. 569 00:34:32,417 --> 00:34:34,715 You're not the kind of girl I'm used to. 570 00:34:34,753 --> 00:34:37,221 You can spell, you wear clothes to work. 571 00:34:37,255 --> 00:34:39,120 You just have more class. 572 00:34:39,157 --> 00:34:41,785 I'm just a salesgirl from south London. 573 00:34:41,826 --> 00:34:43,885 Doesn't count for much class down here, 574 00:34:43,928 --> 00:34:45,452 but it's nice of you to say so. 575 00:34:45,497 --> 00:34:50,161 Our deal was one date, but could we extend it? 576 00:34:50,201 --> 00:34:52,533 You don't really know me. 577 00:34:53,905 --> 00:34:56,499 There are things about me you might not like. 578 00:34:56,574 --> 00:34:57,666 Like what? 579 00:34:57,742 --> 00:35:00,176 You're beautiful, you're smart, you're honest. 580 00:35:01,946 --> 00:35:03,004 I should go. 581 00:35:07,185 --> 00:35:08,777 Thank you for a lovely evening. 582 00:35:08,820 --> 00:35:10,117 Thank you. 583 00:35:12,657 --> 00:35:14,625 [Door opens] 584 00:35:14,659 --> 00:35:17,423 I'm sorry it took so long, Your Majesty, 585 00:35:17,462 --> 00:35:19,430 but I found you some music. 586 00:35:25,303 --> 00:35:27,066 CEDRIC: Don't fall in love. 587 00:35:27,105 --> 00:35:29,232 CEDRIC: It wouldn't work out. RALPH: Why not? 588 00:35:29,307 --> 00:35:30,569 CEDRIC: As king, you are expected... 589 00:35:30,642 --> 00:35:32,439 to marry a woman of noble birth, 590 00:35:32,510 --> 00:35:35,775 particularly given your less-than-perfect breeding, 591 00:35:35,814 --> 00:35:38,112 and Miss Greene, fetching as she may be, 592 00:35:38,149 --> 00:35:39,980 does not qualify. 593 00:35:40,018 --> 00:35:41,645 Your Majesty may remember... 594 00:35:41,686 --> 00:35:44,985 in 1936, King Edward fell in love with a commoner... 595 00:35:45,023 --> 00:35:46,991 and had to abdicate his throne. 596 00:35:47,025 --> 00:35:48,959 The House of Wyndham can ill afford... 597 00:35:48,993 --> 00:35:50,722 another such disaster. 598 00:35:50,762 --> 00:35:53,754 I just want to take her out. 599 00:35:53,798 --> 00:35:55,095 With all due respect, 600 00:35:55,133 --> 00:35:57,101 it would be best for both of you... 601 00:35:57,135 --> 00:35:59,831 if you did not see Miss Greene at all. 602 00:35:59,871 --> 00:36:02,135 But if you insist, 603 00:36:02,173 --> 00:36:05,199 it's imperative that you only see her at the palace. 604 00:36:07,145 --> 00:36:10,808 Here's a poem to remember the order of kings. 605 00:36:10,849 --> 00:36:14,444 l, Il, III Eds, Richard Il, Henry IV, V, Vl, then who? 606 00:36:14,486 --> 00:36:17,978 Edward IV, V, Rich the Bad, then Richard the Third, 607 00:36:18,022 --> 00:36:20,320 then Henrys Twice and Ed the Lad. 608 00:36:20,358 --> 00:36:24,158 Mary, Lizzie, James the Vain, Charlie, Charlie, James again. 609 00:36:24,195 --> 00:36:27,164 MAN: She's already seen him twice this week. 610 00:36:27,198 --> 00:36:29,792 We could tip off the press next time she goes. 611 00:36:29,834 --> 00:36:31,859 Have some photographers outside. 612 00:36:31,903 --> 00:36:33,871 No, let's wait a bit longer. 613 00:36:33,905 --> 00:36:38,467 Give him enough time to become hopelessly infatuated. Pull. 614 00:36:42,146 --> 00:36:44,171 This is what I call a room. 615 00:36:58,897 --> 00:37:00,762 Your Majesty, his most sovereign king, 616 00:37:00,798 --> 00:37:03,266 Mulambon of Zambezi. 617 00:37:05,103 --> 00:37:06,900 Welcome, Your Majesty. 618 00:37:06,938 --> 00:37:10,237 On behalf of the people of the United Kingdom... 619 00:37:10,308 --> 00:37:12,037 CEDRIC: And the commonwealth. 620 00:37:12,744 --> 00:37:15,577 And the commonwealth for which we--no. 621 00:37:15,613 --> 00:37:19,674 It's a great pleasure... to have you as our guest. 622 00:37:19,717 --> 00:37:22,185 We hope you had a pleasant trip. 623 00:37:24,822 --> 00:37:26,949 Oh, look, honey, see the swan? 624 00:37:29,394 --> 00:37:31,794 MAN: Press the knees tight in. Sit back. 625 00:37:31,829 --> 00:37:33,296 Grip with the knees. 626 00:37:33,331 --> 00:37:35,856 Heels down. Heels down. 627 00:37:35,900 --> 00:37:38,130 RALPH: Whoa! Whoa! 628 00:37:38,169 --> 00:37:39,136 MAN: Your Majesty. 629 00:37:39,170 --> 00:37:41,502 RALPH: Whoa, whoa. Whoa. 630 00:38:15,073 --> 00:38:17,234 Hello. News desk? 631 00:38:17,308 --> 00:38:20,402 I have something you might be interested in. 632 00:38:27,852 --> 00:38:29,149 Oh. 633 00:38:29,187 --> 00:38:31,018 Ooh. 634 00:38:39,797 --> 00:38:43,756 DUNCAN: When in public, a royal personage must refrain... 635 00:38:43,801 --> 00:38:46,736 from chewing gum, using profanity, 636 00:38:46,771 --> 00:38:50,764 picking his nose, scratching his private parts, 637 00:38:50,842 --> 00:38:54,278 and staring down the bust lines of visiting female dignitaries. 638 00:38:54,312 --> 00:38:55,677 That's everything. 639 00:38:55,713 --> 00:38:56,771 CEDRIC: Good morning, Your Majesty. 640 00:38:56,848 --> 00:38:57,940 RALPH: Hey, Ced. 641 00:38:58,016 --> 00:38:59,984 CEDRIC: I have distressing news. 642 00:39:00,018 --> 00:39:03,249 Miss Greene's presence here did not go unnoticed. 643 00:39:06,491 --> 00:39:10,222 CEDRIC: Your Majesty, this gives you little choice... 644 00:39:10,261 --> 00:39:12,559 but to end your friendship with Miss Greene. 645 00:39:12,597 --> 00:39:16,158 RALPH: What? I can't do that. I don't want to. 646 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,327 CEDRIC: We'll find you an exemplary consort, 647 00:39:18,369 --> 00:39:21,304 a woman of such distinction as to far exceed your standards. 648 00:39:21,339 --> 00:39:23,671 RALPH: I like my standards down where they are. 649 00:39:24,242 --> 00:39:25,675 RALPH: Welcome, Your Majesty. 650 00:39:25,710 --> 00:39:28,304 On behalf of the United Kingdom, 651 00:39:28,379 --> 00:39:30,404 it's our pleasure to have you as our guest. 652 00:39:30,481 --> 00:39:32,244 Welcome, Your Majesty. 653 00:39:32,283 --> 00:39:34,148 On behalf of the people... 654 00:39:35,720 --> 00:39:38,348 Come on, Ralph. Don't blow it now. 655 00:39:38,389 --> 00:39:41,358 Don't worry, Your Majesty. You'll be fine. 656 00:39:41,392 --> 00:39:42,552 [Door opens] 657 00:39:56,340 --> 00:39:59,207 CEDRIC: Your Majesty, may I present His Royal Highness, 658 00:39:59,243 --> 00:40:02,212 King Mulambon of Zambezi? 659 00:40:03,414 --> 00:40:05,814 RALPH: Hey, homes. What's happening? 660 00:40:05,850 --> 00:40:07,283 Gimme a quintet, brother. 661 00:40:09,420 --> 00:40:11,752 I do not comprehend, Your Majesty. 662 00:40:21,666 --> 00:40:23,463 Welcome, Your Majesty. 663 00:40:23,501 --> 00:40:26,993 On behalf of the people of the United Kingdom... 664 00:40:40,718 --> 00:40:42,447 Want to go get a beer? 665 00:40:46,190 --> 00:40:50,261 Do you feel being king is tougher than you thought? 666 00:40:50,261 --> 00:40:51,956 It is difficult sometimes, 667 00:40:51,996 --> 00:40:53,964 what with all the ceremonial duties... 668 00:40:53,998 --> 00:40:55,488 and official obligations, 669 00:40:55,533 --> 00:40:57,000 but I'm quite pleased... 670 00:40:57,034 --> 00:41:00,162 with the economic progress my country has made. 671 00:41:00,204 --> 00:41:02,900 We are hoping to be the first in Africa... 672 00:41:02,940 --> 00:41:04,669 to market an automobile. 673 00:41:04,742 --> 00:41:07,404 I might be in the market myself soon. 674 00:41:07,478 --> 00:41:10,003 The Rolls just doesn't have much poop. 675 00:41:10,081 --> 00:41:12,447 -Will it have fuel injection? -Oh, yes. Everything. 676 00:41:12,483 --> 00:41:14,951 Five-speed transmission, rack-and-pinion steering. 677 00:41:14,986 --> 00:41:16,749 Reclining buckets? Rear spoiler? 678 00:41:16,788 --> 00:41:19,222 No, but it'll get excellent gas mileage. 679 00:41:19,257 --> 00:41:20,554 Gas mileage is fine, 680 00:41:20,591 --> 00:41:23,219 but the first question car buyers ask themselves is, 681 00:41:23,261 --> 00:41:26,094 "Will this get me laid?" 682 00:41:28,966 --> 00:41:30,524 Beautifully stated. 683 00:41:32,537 --> 00:41:35,768 Ah! Well, looks like that's all she wrote. 684 00:41:35,807 --> 00:41:36,967 Want to go again? 685 00:41:39,010 --> 00:41:40,136 Yes. 686 00:41:50,087 --> 00:41:52,487 RALPH: What was that, a five? MULAMBON: No, a three. 687 00:41:52,523 --> 00:41:54,548 Isn't it on the line? 688 00:41:54,592 --> 00:41:56,492 I plan to claim victory with this throw. 689 00:41:56,527 --> 00:41:58,518 Careful not to foot fault. 690 00:41:58,563 --> 00:42:01,589 If he gets anything better than seven, we're screwed. 691 00:42:18,549 --> 00:42:20,949 Know where I can get a set of those? 692 00:42:20,985 --> 00:42:22,418 I'll send you one. 693 00:42:22,453 --> 00:42:24,512 I've been meaning to ask you, 694 00:42:24,555 --> 00:42:27,023 do they tell you who to date over there? 695 00:42:27,058 --> 00:42:29,549 Of course not. I am the king. 696 00:42:31,829 --> 00:42:34,593 Damn. I knew I was getting hosed over here. 697 00:42:38,836 --> 00:42:41,396 I think he did well, considering. 698 00:42:41,439 --> 00:42:42,997 It could have been worse. 699 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,770 Yes. He could have exposed himself. 700 00:42:45,843 --> 00:42:48,403 [Ring] 701 00:42:48,479 --> 00:42:52,347 Yes? The prime minister for you, sir. 702 00:42:54,585 --> 00:42:56,576 Good afternoon, Prime Minister. 703 00:42:57,321 --> 00:42:58,811 Yes. 704 00:42:59,824 --> 00:43:00,916 Oh, really? 705 00:43:02,293 --> 00:43:05,490 It's a strange world we live in, isn't it, sir? 706 00:43:05,529 --> 00:43:07,019 Yes, thank you. 707 00:43:07,064 --> 00:43:08,190 Good-bye. 708 00:43:10,701 --> 00:43:13,169 The prime minister just spoke to King Mulambon. 709 00:43:13,204 --> 00:43:14,535 The king said he couldn't remember... 710 00:43:14,572 --> 00:43:17,268 when he'd had so much fun. 711 00:43:22,113 --> 00:43:23,273 Sherry? 712 00:43:23,347 --> 00:43:25,178 Please. Yes. 713 00:43:25,216 --> 00:43:27,081 King Ralph seems to have passed... 714 00:43:27,118 --> 00:43:30,246 his first diplomatic test with high marks. 715 00:43:30,288 --> 00:43:31,755 The king's personal style, 716 00:43:31,789 --> 00:43:34,815 which had raised some eyebrows in official circles, 717 00:43:34,859 --> 00:43:39,626 is now being characterized as a breath of fresh air. 718 00:43:39,664 --> 00:43:41,291 In other-- 719 00:43:41,332 --> 00:43:43,357 Congratulations, Your Majesty. 720 00:43:43,401 --> 00:43:47,064 We were nervous when we decided to take a chance on you, 721 00:43:47,104 --> 00:43:48,594 but, uh... 722 00:43:51,142 --> 00:43:52,803 I really did all right? 723 00:43:52,877 --> 00:43:55,778 Yes, Your Majesty. Don't let it go to your head. 724 00:43:55,813 --> 00:43:57,178 Today's breath of fresh air... 725 00:43:57,214 --> 00:43:59,774 can quickly become tomorrow's ill wind. 726 00:43:59,817 --> 00:44:04,117 Nowthat that's over, I can take a vacation, right? 727 00:44:04,155 --> 00:44:06,248 CEDRIC: Hardly. We will have to increase... 728 00:44:06,290 --> 00:44:07,621 your public appearances... 729 00:44:07,658 --> 00:44:09,285 in light of your growing popularity, 730 00:44:09,327 --> 00:44:11,227 and the ball season will soon be upon us. 731 00:44:11,262 --> 00:44:12,889 You'll need dance lessons-- 732 00:44:12,930 --> 00:44:16,331 waltz, fox trot, even eights and reels. 733 00:44:16,367 --> 00:44:19,598 I haven't had a day off since I've been here. 734 00:44:19,637 --> 00:44:23,630 I can't go out, I eat alone, I live in a museum. 735 00:44:23,708 --> 00:44:26,677 -You'll adjust. -I got no family, no sex life-- 736 00:44:26,744 --> 00:44:28,678 Good. Less chance for a scandal. 737 00:44:28,713 --> 00:44:30,476 I don't see anybody that doesn't work for me. 738 00:44:30,514 --> 00:44:32,482 I'm getting palace fever. 739 00:44:32,516 --> 00:44:34,780 Are you telling me in your American way... 740 00:44:34,819 --> 00:44:36,309 that you are lonely? 741 00:44:36,354 --> 00:44:37,480 Yeah. 742 00:44:37,521 --> 00:44:40,649 Don't lose patience. We're working on the problem. 743 00:44:41,525 --> 00:44:42,856 Good evening. 744 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:51,628 I'll give you guys one more chance. 745 00:44:51,669 --> 00:44:52,829 Fetch! 746 00:44:57,208 --> 00:45:01,201 CEDRIC: Sir Guy Cracknell, knight of the British Empire. 747 00:45:11,989 --> 00:45:14,787 Ooh. Ooh, I'm sorry. 748 00:45:14,825 --> 00:45:16,986 Oh. Are you all right? I got him. I got him good. 749 00:45:17,028 --> 00:45:20,520 I'm sorry. Really, I'm terribly sorry. 750 00:45:32,076 --> 00:45:33,839 I got to get out of here. 751 00:45:46,757 --> 00:45:48,247 [Beep beep] 752 00:45:57,234 --> 00:46:00,203 Your evening cocoa, Your Majesty. 753 00:46:00,237 --> 00:46:02,705 RALPH: You haven't seen this, Gordon. 754 00:46:02,740 --> 00:46:04,799 Haven't seen what, Your Majesty? 755 00:46:04,875 --> 00:46:07,105 I really need a night out, Gordon. 756 00:46:07,178 --> 00:46:09,738 There are easier ways. 757 00:46:30,267 --> 00:46:31,325 Stay, boy. 758 00:46:31,368 --> 00:46:32,767 Stay. 759 00:46:35,739 --> 00:46:37,366 [Telephone rings] 760 00:46:38,576 --> 00:46:39,668 [Ring] 761 00:46:39,743 --> 00:46:40,835 Hello. 762 00:46:40,911 --> 00:46:42,879 Congratulations, my dear. 763 00:46:42,947 --> 00:46:44,915 The king has broken out of the palace... 764 00:46:44,949 --> 00:46:48,043 and is at this moment on his way to you. 765 00:46:48,085 --> 00:46:52,613 When he calls, meet him wherever he chooses. 766 00:46:52,656 --> 00:46:55,955 There will be a photographer following you. 767 00:46:55,993 --> 00:46:59,258 Make sure that he gets what he needs. 768 00:46:59,296 --> 00:47:00,661 Good luck. 769 00:47:09,807 --> 00:47:11,297 Oh, yeah. 770 00:47:14,078 --> 00:47:15,545 Hello, Miranda? 771 00:47:15,613 --> 00:47:17,240 It's me--Ralph. 772 00:47:22,353 --> 00:47:25,015 Am I glad to see you. People are looking at me funny. 773 00:47:25,055 --> 00:47:26,317 -You're here alone? -Yeah. 774 00:47:26,357 --> 00:47:29,087 There's something I've wanted to do. 775 00:47:29,126 --> 00:47:32,220 Two Double Whoppers with fries and two giant Cokes. 776 00:47:32,263 --> 00:47:36,597 Two Double Whoppers, two fries, two giants! 777 00:47:36,634 --> 00:47:39,034 Got any money? I haven't been paid yet. 778 00:47:39,069 --> 00:47:40,798 You know, you look familiar. 779 00:47:43,908 --> 00:47:45,398 Aren't you-- 780 00:47:45,476 --> 00:47:48,309 Yeah, you are, aren't you? 781 00:47:48,345 --> 00:47:49,903 You're the new king! 782 00:47:49,980 --> 00:47:51,277 What, are you crazy? 783 00:47:51,315 --> 00:47:53,283 What would I be doing here? 784 00:47:53,317 --> 00:47:54,443 There's the king! 785 00:47:54,485 --> 00:47:55,577 There's the king! 786 00:47:55,619 --> 00:47:57,780 Could I have a burger, please? 787 00:48:00,391 --> 00:48:01,551 RALPH: No. You got the wrong guy. 788 00:48:01,592 --> 00:48:04,060 You got the wrong guy. I ain't him. 789 00:48:04,094 --> 00:48:05,322 GIRL: Oh, please, Your Majesty. 790 00:48:05,429 --> 00:48:08,364 All right, all right. One or two. One or two. 791 00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:11,794 Your Majesty, here's a burger on the house. 792 00:48:19,009 --> 00:48:20,977 I think I'll need a new burger. 793 00:48:21,011 --> 00:48:22,103 MAN: Over here, Your Majesty. 794 00:48:23,781 --> 00:48:25,681 RALPH: Maybe just one quick one. 795 00:48:25,716 --> 00:48:27,013 Could you move a little closer together? 796 00:48:27,051 --> 00:48:28,678 That's lovely. 797 00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,711 Put your arm around him and give him a kiss. 798 00:48:32,890 --> 00:48:34,187 Very nice. 799 00:48:37,394 --> 00:48:39,692 -Why'd you do that? -We got to go. 800 00:48:39,730 --> 00:48:41,095 The fries aren't ready. 801 00:48:41,131 --> 00:48:43,361 MIRANDA: There's going to be photographers everywhere. 802 00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:46,597 RALPH: How about onion rings? MAN: I've got your burger! 803 00:48:49,773 --> 00:48:51,741 MIRANDA: You should get back to the palace now. 804 00:48:51,775 --> 00:48:53,572 RALPH: I don't want to. 805 00:48:53,644 --> 00:48:55,612 There's got to be someplace we can go. 806 00:48:55,679 --> 00:48:57,510 MIRANDA: Well, maybe one. 807 00:48:57,548 --> 00:49:02,008 MIRANDA: Two, three, four. Side. 808 00:49:02,052 --> 00:49:05,021 Two, three, four. 809 00:49:05,055 --> 00:49:09,424 Forward, two, three, four. Side. 810 00:49:09,460 --> 00:49:12,896 RALPH: Hope you're not upset about this mystery woman thing. 811 00:49:12,930 --> 00:49:14,227 MIRANDA: The girls at work said... 812 00:49:14,265 --> 00:49:15,926 it was probably some East End tart... 813 00:49:15,966 --> 00:49:18,400 trying to get her picture in the papers. 814 00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:26,833 I wish we could meet again somewhere else... 815 00:49:27,478 --> 00:49:29,446 in different circumstances. 816 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:31,311 RALPH: Different circumstances? 817 00:49:32,316 --> 00:49:34,784 We got the park. We got the lake. 818 00:49:34,818 --> 00:49:36,115 We got the moon. We got the stars. 819 00:49:36,153 --> 00:49:37,848 What else do we need? 820 00:49:38,756 --> 00:49:39,950 MIRANDA: Yeah. 821 00:49:41,091 --> 00:49:44,686 What? What is it, this commoner thing? 822 00:49:44,728 --> 00:49:46,389 Edward Vlll and that Wallis broad? 823 00:49:46,430 --> 00:49:48,125 That was 50 years ago. 824 00:49:48,165 --> 00:49:49,632 This is the nineties. 825 00:49:49,667 --> 00:49:51,931 We got to be able to work something out. 826 00:49:51,969 --> 00:49:53,664 Anything's possible. 827 00:49:53,704 --> 00:49:55,899 Not in England. 828 00:49:55,939 --> 00:49:57,770 Not for royalty. 829 00:49:57,841 --> 00:49:59,138 Don't say that. 830 00:50:00,644 --> 00:50:02,111 I can't see myself making it here... 831 00:50:02,179 --> 00:50:03,646 without you, Miranda. 832 00:50:32,876 --> 00:50:35,174 GRAVES: Now, this is exceptional. 833 00:50:35,212 --> 00:50:36,372 You realize, don't you, 834 00:50:36,447 --> 00:50:38,176 that you're looking at the fall... 835 00:50:38,215 --> 00:50:39,978 of the House of Wyndham? 836 00:50:40,017 --> 00:50:43,316 Before long, the House of Stuart will be restored... 837 00:50:43,354 --> 00:50:45,481 to its rightful place. 838 00:50:45,522 --> 00:50:47,114 And you, Gordon, 839 00:50:47,157 --> 00:50:50,285 will be private secretary to the king. 840 00:50:51,261 --> 00:50:52,455 Thank you. 841 00:50:52,496 --> 00:50:53,963 GORDON: Excuse me, my lord. 842 00:50:53,997 --> 00:50:57,364 A Miss Miranda Greene to see you. 843 00:51:07,378 --> 00:51:08,936 Lord Graves. 844 00:51:09,012 --> 00:51:12,038 What an unexpected surprise. 845 00:51:13,150 --> 00:51:14,208 Here's your money. 846 00:51:14,251 --> 00:51:16,412 All of it. 847 00:51:16,453 --> 00:51:17,750 I'm just glad that I got out now... 848 00:51:17,788 --> 00:51:20,120 before any real damage was done. 849 00:51:24,261 --> 00:51:26,388 GRAVES: You can't bluff me. 850 00:51:26,430 --> 00:51:31,265 I know what you're after. You just want more money. 851 00:51:31,301 --> 00:51:35,431 You're right. Then there'd be more to give back. 852 00:51:37,541 --> 00:51:39,532 Come back here, you little strumpet! 853 00:51:45,616 --> 00:51:47,550 Ah, I rather enjoyed that. 854 00:51:56,293 --> 00:51:58,921 CEDRIC: Welcome to Windsor castle. 855 00:51:58,962 --> 00:52:00,725 The prime minister will be here shortly. 856 00:52:00,764 --> 00:52:03,096 He wishes to talk to you. 857 00:52:04,168 --> 00:52:07,626 The peak goes to the front, Your Majesty. 858 00:52:07,671 --> 00:52:09,138 HALE: Nowthat you've handled... 859 00:52:09,173 --> 00:52:11,641 the Zambezi reception so famously, 860 00:52:11,708 --> 00:52:16,077 we feel you can help with a matter of greater import. 861 00:52:17,347 --> 00:52:19,815 I don't know whether you're aware of it or not, 862 00:52:19,850 --> 00:52:22,546 but Finland recently discovered large oil deposits... 863 00:52:22,586 --> 00:52:25,020 in their area of the Baltic. 864 00:52:25,055 --> 00:52:27,489 One of our companies is bidding for the contract... 865 00:52:27,524 --> 00:52:30,789 to supply the platforms and drilling equipment, 866 00:52:30,828 --> 00:52:34,195 a contract that could create thousands of jobs. 867 00:52:34,231 --> 00:52:36,699 Unfortunately, we're getting spirited competition... 868 00:52:36,733 --> 00:52:38,132 from the Japanese. 869 00:52:38,168 --> 00:52:41,103 RALPH: They can cause problems. What are we hunting? 870 00:52:41,138 --> 00:52:43,572 CEDRIC: I believe it's pheasant, Your Majesty. 871 00:52:43,607 --> 00:52:47,099 HALE: At present, the competition is a tossup. 872 00:52:47,177 --> 00:52:49,645 However, we have another ace. 873 00:52:49,713 --> 00:52:53,547 The king of Finland is visiting here in two weeks. 874 00:52:53,584 --> 00:52:56,052 -ls this gun loaded, Ced? -Yes. 875 00:52:56,086 --> 00:52:58,714 You will host a royal banquet for him. 876 00:52:58,755 --> 00:53:00,222 Banquet? 877 00:53:00,257 --> 00:53:04,284 Yes. We won't get by on pretzels and beer this time. 878 00:53:04,328 --> 00:53:07,491 The king will bring his daughter, Princess Anna, 879 00:53:07,531 --> 00:53:10,500 one of the world's most socially desirable women. 880 00:53:10,534 --> 00:53:13,560 -Does that mean she's ugly? -Oh, far from it. 881 00:53:13,604 --> 00:53:15,834 We're organizing a ball to followthe banquet... 882 00:53:15,873 --> 00:53:18,398 so that you two can get to know each other. 883 00:53:19,009 --> 00:53:20,636 Excuse me, Your Majesty. 884 00:53:20,711 --> 00:53:22,110 The beaters are approaching. 885 00:53:22,145 --> 00:53:24,170 [Dogs barking, men whistling] 886 00:53:27,584 --> 00:53:30,052 CEDRIC: Here they come, Your Majesty. 887 00:53:30,087 --> 00:53:31,213 They're over. 888 00:53:34,525 --> 00:53:35,856 Did I get one? 889 00:53:35,893 --> 00:53:38,760 CEDRIC: Fortunately it's only a flesh wound. 890 00:53:38,795 --> 00:53:40,763 If everything proceeds accordingly, 891 00:53:40,797 --> 00:53:42,264 this ball will lead... 892 00:53:42,299 --> 00:53:45,291 toward the royal wedding of the century. 893 00:53:45,335 --> 00:53:47,826 Wedding? You mean her and me? 894 00:53:47,871 --> 00:53:49,338 HALE: Yes, you and her. 895 00:53:50,340 --> 00:53:52,171 You can't tell me who to marry. 896 00:53:52,242 --> 00:53:54,710 Isn't being the king worth something? 897 00:53:54,745 --> 00:53:57,714 That's why you must marry, to protect your birthright. 898 00:53:57,748 --> 00:53:59,716 What about matters of the heart? 899 00:53:59,750 --> 00:54:02,218 They must be subordinated to the good of the monarchy. 900 00:54:02,252 --> 00:54:04,220 You're the last Wyndham. 901 00:54:04,254 --> 00:54:06,154 A queen must be found to perpetuate the line. 902 00:54:06,189 --> 00:54:10,626 Princess Anna is the best of the acceptable candidates. 903 00:54:10,661 --> 00:54:13,129 You must put aside your personal desires. 904 00:54:13,163 --> 00:54:16,155 A king's life is not always his own! 905 00:54:16,199 --> 00:54:18,531 -You're serious about this? -Yes. 906 00:54:18,569 --> 00:54:19,900 I got news for you. 907 00:54:19,937 --> 00:54:23,031 My life is my own, and I can't take this anymore. 908 00:54:23,073 --> 00:54:24,700 I got everything in the world here... 909 00:54:24,775 --> 00:54:25,935 and nothing I need! 910 00:54:26,009 --> 00:54:27,704 No friends, no freedom, no fun! 911 00:54:27,778 --> 00:54:30,747 In the States, I could screw up my life as I sawfit. 912 00:54:30,781 --> 00:54:33,249 Shove this job down somebody else's throat, 913 00:54:33,283 --> 00:54:35,478 'cause I quit! I'm out of here! 914 00:54:42,326 --> 00:54:44,487 You'd walk out on the English people? 915 00:54:44,528 --> 00:54:46,496 I told you I was the wrong guy. 916 00:54:46,530 --> 00:54:49,055 It seems you're wrong for everything, Ralph. 917 00:54:49,099 --> 00:54:51,863 Who you calling Ralph? It's Your Majesty. 918 00:54:51,902 --> 00:54:55,269 Not anymore. You quit, just as you quit the bear scouts. 919 00:54:55,305 --> 00:54:57,535 -Cub Scouts. -Little league, 920 00:54:57,608 --> 00:55:01,169 three colleges, and an assortment of jobs. 921 00:55:01,244 --> 00:55:04,543 You're asking me to quit Miranda and any chance at a normal life. 922 00:55:04,581 --> 00:55:06,674 No. That shirt is not yours. 923 00:55:07,517 --> 00:55:09,542 I wasn't born to this royalty crap. 924 00:55:09,586 --> 00:55:11,816 I can't accept these stupid restrictions. 925 00:55:11,855 --> 00:55:15,120 What of the workers who will benefit from this contract? 926 00:55:15,158 --> 00:55:17,217 RALPH: Maybe something else will come along. 927 00:55:17,260 --> 00:55:18,522 You'd bet their future... 928 00:55:18,562 --> 00:55:20,826 for a woman you've known a few weeks? 929 00:55:20,864 --> 00:55:23,196 You're asking me to marry a woman I don't know at all. 930 00:55:23,233 --> 00:55:26,168 Think of something larger than yourself... 931 00:55:26,203 --> 00:55:29,468 to accept a significant responsibility for once... 932 00:55:29,506 --> 00:55:32,964 without beating retreat at the first difficulty. 933 00:55:33,010 --> 00:55:34,637 England's throne is not a job... 934 00:55:34,711 --> 00:55:38,044 to discard when it conflicts with your bowling night. 935 00:55:38,081 --> 00:55:39,708 This is hardly the first difficulty. 936 00:55:39,750 --> 00:55:41,911 You've been destroying my fantasy for weeks. 937 00:55:41,952 --> 00:55:46,855 It's up to you to embrace this situation as a challenge, 938 00:55:46,890 --> 00:55:49,859 or simply chalk it up as another failure, 939 00:55:49,893 --> 00:55:51,827 a monument to your own passivity. 940 00:55:52,963 --> 00:55:56,364 It's time you made a stand somewhere for something. 941 00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:58,334 If not now, then when? 942 00:56:01,004 --> 00:56:03,529 There's no guarantee I'll even be attracted to this princess. 943 00:56:03,573 --> 00:56:05,905 Then we'll get her a g-string and some pasties, 944 00:56:05,976 --> 00:56:08,444 but you must not shrink from your duty. 945 00:56:09,346 --> 00:56:12,440 To refuse her now would be disastrous for England. 946 00:56:13,316 --> 00:56:15,216 Your family, your government, and the people of England... 947 00:56:15,252 --> 00:56:16,719 are counting on you. 948 00:56:17,654 --> 00:56:20,953 You owe it to them... and to yourself. 949 00:56:29,866 --> 00:56:31,766 OK, I'll give it a shot. 950 00:56:35,939 --> 00:56:39,466 Thank you, Your Majesty. You won't regret it. 951 00:56:41,845 --> 00:56:44,245 I remain your humble servant. 952 00:57:00,397 --> 00:57:01,921 [Sighs] 953 00:57:04,668 --> 00:57:06,101 [Ring ring] 954 00:57:08,371 --> 00:57:10,271 RALPH: Hello? MIRANDA: Hello, Ralph? 955 00:57:10,340 --> 00:57:11,364 Miranda? 956 00:57:13,009 --> 00:57:14,704 I have something to tell you. 957 00:57:14,778 --> 00:57:17,008 RALPH: Yeah. I was just going to call you. 958 00:57:18,482 --> 00:57:20,712 I don't think we should see each other anymore. 959 00:57:20,751 --> 00:57:23,584 RALPH: What? MIRANDA: I really wish I could. 960 00:57:24,154 --> 00:57:25,644 You just have to trust me. 961 00:57:26,656 --> 00:57:28,317 It's not a good idea. 962 00:57:28,358 --> 00:57:31,293 Yeah. They're putting pressure on me over here, too. 963 00:57:34,464 --> 00:57:38,992 -Could never have worked out. -Sure. I understand. 964 00:57:39,770 --> 00:57:42,830 I guess we should just be glad for the time we had. 965 00:57:43,740 --> 00:57:45,674 We did have a good time, didn't we? 966 00:57:46,510 --> 00:57:48,478 Please don't think badly of me. 967 00:57:49,546 --> 00:57:53,209 No. It just wasn't meant to be. 968 00:57:56,353 --> 00:57:57,513 Yeah. 969 00:58:02,826 --> 00:58:04,259 Good-bye, Miranda. 970 00:58:06,329 --> 00:58:07,660 Bye, Ralph. 971 00:58:24,014 --> 00:58:27,279 GRAVES: I have an errand for you. 972 00:58:27,317 --> 00:58:28,750 GORDON: My Lord. 973 00:58:28,785 --> 00:58:31,811 This is my invitation to the Finnish ball. 974 00:58:32,556 --> 00:58:36,492 Make sure that Miss Greene gets one just like it. 975 00:58:36,526 --> 00:58:39,859 -Of course. -And write this on the back. 976 00:58:41,998 --> 00:58:43,693 -But, uh-- -Just do it. 977 00:58:44,601 --> 00:58:46,034 [Train whistle toots] 978 00:58:46,069 --> 00:58:48,128 [Military band plays] 979 00:59:06,523 --> 00:59:09,219 DRUM MAJOR: Shoulder...arms. 980 00:59:10,961 --> 00:59:15,022 Royal salute! Present arms! 981 00:59:29,980 --> 00:59:32,847 Welcome, Your Majesty. On behalf of the United Kingdom, 982 00:59:32,883 --> 00:59:34,976 it's a pleasure to have you as our guest. 983 00:59:35,018 --> 00:59:38,385 Thank you, Your Majesty. We're honored by the invitation. 984 00:59:38,421 --> 00:59:41,686 -May I present Queen Katherine? -Queen Katherine. 985 00:59:41,725 --> 00:59:43,659 And Princess Anna. 986 00:59:43,693 --> 00:59:46,321 Princess Anna. It's a pleasure to meet you. 987 00:59:49,633 --> 00:59:52,796 Allow me to introduce Prime Minister Geoffrey Hale. 988 00:59:52,836 --> 00:59:54,167 HALE: Your Majesty. 989 00:59:55,739 --> 00:59:58,936 HALE: Your Majesty. Your Royal Highness. 990 00:59:59,943 --> 01:00:01,410 [Knock on door] 991 01:00:06,583 --> 01:00:08,483 With His Majesty's compliments. 992 01:00:10,253 --> 01:00:13,222 He also instructed me to give you this. 993 01:00:24,234 --> 01:00:27,601 GRAVES: They'll be the toast of the continent. 994 01:00:35,845 --> 01:00:37,904 GRAVES: Good evening, Your Majesty. 995 01:00:38,682 --> 01:00:39,944 Lord Percival Graves. 996 01:00:41,351 --> 01:00:44,218 I knowthat you will acquit yourself as famously... 997 01:00:44,254 --> 01:00:47,883 with the Finnish royals as you have with others. 998 01:00:47,924 --> 01:00:50,188 One word of advice, if I may. 999 01:00:50,226 --> 01:00:54,788 If things become too staid, too formal for you, 1000 01:00:54,831 --> 01:01:00,235 don't hesitate to display that American flamboyance... 1001 01:01:00,270 --> 01:01:03,398 for which you are so justly celebrated. 1002 01:01:04,107 --> 01:01:07,099 With your lustrous charm, 1003 01:01:07,177 --> 01:01:11,773 I wouldn't be afraid to showthem who you really are. 1004 01:01:12,749 --> 01:01:15,240 Thanks. I'll try to keep that in mind. 1005 01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:17,909 Majesty. 1006 01:01:26,463 --> 01:01:30,763 MAN: His Britannic Majesty King Ralph I... 1007 01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:32,700 and their Royal Majesties... 1008 01:01:32,736 --> 01:01:36,604 King Gustav and Queen Katherine of Finland... 1009 01:01:36,639 --> 01:01:39,767 and her Royal Highness Princess Anna. 1010 01:02:00,730 --> 01:02:02,220 [Clang] 1011 01:02:28,124 --> 01:02:32,925 I am told you are a sportsman. My passion is polo. 1012 01:02:32,962 --> 01:02:34,657 No game like it for a gentleman. 1013 01:02:34,697 --> 01:02:37,427 If I ever get to be one, I'll take it up. 1014 01:02:38,802 --> 01:02:42,499 -Do you ever do any fencing? -Just a little when I was a kid. 1015 01:02:42,539 --> 01:02:44,131 Couple watches here and there. 1016 01:02:49,279 --> 01:02:51,304 The princess is quite lovely, isn't she? 1017 01:02:51,381 --> 01:02:55,750 Yeah, she doesn't say much, but she's what they call a fox. 1018 01:02:55,785 --> 01:03:00,279 I'm glad you find her so. Best wishes in your fox hunting. 1019 01:03:00,323 --> 01:03:02,553 Fox hunting? You like fox hunting? 1020 01:03:03,526 --> 01:03:05,460 I don't get around much lately. 1021 01:03:05,495 --> 01:03:08,862 I used to go out every weekend, one club or another. 1022 01:03:08,898 --> 01:03:10,490 Really? That often? 1023 01:03:10,533 --> 01:03:13,024 You must have collected several tails. 1024 01:03:13,636 --> 01:03:17,436 I admit I slept with a few, but I'm not like that anymore. 1025 01:03:17,474 --> 01:03:19,567 You can't be too careful. 1026 01:03:19,642 --> 01:03:21,303 Never know who they've been with. 1027 01:03:21,911 --> 01:03:24,402 No. I suppose not. 1028 01:03:24,481 --> 01:03:27,314 Once I had a steady girl, that ended it. 1029 01:03:27,350 --> 01:03:31,548 -She didn't like fox hunting? -Well, of course not. 1030 01:03:32,856 --> 01:03:36,986 -Anna isn't into it, is she? -Oh, yes. She loves it. 1031 01:03:37,026 --> 01:03:38,425 Most royals do. 1032 01:03:41,030 --> 01:03:45,091 Gustav, let the king eat. His guests are waiting. 1033 01:03:46,002 --> 01:03:46,991 Right. 1034 01:03:57,380 --> 01:03:59,814 Sorry. They don't feed the chickens enough over here. 1035 01:04:04,120 --> 01:04:05,280 RALPH: Ooh! 1036 01:04:05,321 --> 01:04:07,152 [Guests gasping] 1037 01:04:33,283 --> 01:04:34,272 Excuse me. 1038 01:04:35,718 --> 01:04:40,519 Bad luck. It could have happened to almost anyone. 1039 01:04:40,557 --> 01:04:43,526 I'd be better off if they'd let me do things my way. 1040 01:04:46,029 --> 01:04:47,394 All is not lost. 1041 01:04:47,430 --> 01:04:50,160 If things go well between you and the princess, 1042 01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:51,963 everything will be forgotten. 1043 01:05:10,420 --> 01:05:11,648 RALPH: Shall we dance? 1044 01:05:26,903 --> 01:05:31,465 -You dance great. -Oh, thank you. So do you. 1045 01:05:41,117 --> 01:05:43,677 I'm sort of curious about what kind of things you like. 1046 01:05:43,720 --> 01:05:48,123 Oh, I don't know. Certainly the fine arts, the opera, 1047 01:05:48,157 --> 01:05:51,490 the ballet, the symphony, and I love to travel. 1048 01:05:51,527 --> 01:05:54,155 Oh, yeah? Me, too. You ever been to Hoover Dam? 1049 01:05:54,197 --> 01:05:58,156 No. I missed that one. We prefer Deauville. 1050 01:05:58,201 --> 01:06:00,897 -Deauville? -France. 1051 01:06:00,937 --> 01:06:03,462 Daddy played in the Gold Cup there. 1052 01:06:03,506 --> 01:06:04,973 Then, of course, we went to Ascot. 1053 01:06:05,008 --> 01:06:08,102 -Oh, what country is that in? -England. 1054 01:06:20,056 --> 01:06:22,923 What do you say that we take a little breather? 1055 01:06:25,561 --> 01:06:28,223 -lt seems to be going well. -Yes. 1056 01:06:29,232 --> 01:06:31,291 We set a torrid pace in there. 1057 01:06:31,334 --> 01:06:33,529 Hope the rest of our life isn't this wild. 1058 01:06:33,569 --> 01:06:36,231 Nowthat we've gotten to know each other, 1059 01:06:36,272 --> 01:06:41,733 our representatives can work out a schedule for our courtship. 1060 01:06:41,778 --> 01:06:45,339 I have travel commitments that have to be worked around. 1061 01:06:45,415 --> 01:06:47,349 I've been meaning to talk to you about this. 1062 01:06:47,383 --> 01:06:50,978 Don't you think we should have feelings for each other first? 1063 01:06:52,088 --> 01:06:56,081 It would be a charming bonus, but it's hardly necessary. 1064 01:06:56,125 --> 01:07:00,118 We are royals. We marry for the...position. 1065 01:07:02,665 --> 01:07:05,793 If I wanted to marry for love, 1066 01:07:05,835 --> 01:07:10,033 I would have married Gunnar Jann back in Penike. 1067 01:07:10,073 --> 01:07:13,736 -Do you really want to marry me? -Well, I must admit, 1068 01:07:13,810 --> 01:07:16,973 you'll require a bit more work than I'd hoped. 1069 01:07:17,046 --> 01:07:19,571 You're unsophisticated, ignorant, 1070 01:07:19,649 --> 01:07:22,777 and lacking in social grace. 1071 01:07:22,819 --> 01:07:29,520 I am consoled with the fact that you have nice buttocks. 1072 01:07:29,559 --> 01:07:30,617 Beg your pardon? 1073 01:07:31,694 --> 01:07:33,753 As you were dancing, 1074 01:07:33,796 --> 01:07:37,527 I drowned the memory of your behavior at dinner... 1075 01:07:37,567 --> 01:07:41,594 with a vision of you bending me over the Queen Anne desk... 1076 01:07:41,637 --> 01:07:44,299 in the white drawing room. 1077 01:07:44,340 --> 01:07:47,332 Wouldn't that be uncomfortable with all those pens sticking up? 1078 01:07:47,410 --> 01:07:50,208 Yes. Or best of all, 1079 01:07:50,246 --> 01:07:54,580 you could strap me to the throne with strings of pearls. 1080 01:07:54,617 --> 01:07:56,744 I don't know. The servants might see us. 1081 01:07:56,786 --> 01:07:58,686 I would hope so. 1082 01:07:58,955 --> 01:08:01,947 KING GUSTAV: Ah! There you two are. 1083 01:08:01,991 --> 01:08:04,960 Come, Anna. You haven't danced with your father. 1084 01:08:04,994 --> 01:08:07,019 Coming, father. 1085 01:08:17,273 --> 01:08:18,763 How's it going, Your Majesty? 1086 01:08:18,841 --> 01:08:22,072 Great. We have nothing in common. 1087 01:08:22,145 --> 01:08:25,046 She'd like to have sex on a bed of nails. 1088 01:08:25,081 --> 01:08:28,983 At least the party stinks. I've got to liven things up. 1089 01:08:29,786 --> 01:08:32,152 Time for some of that American flamboyance. 1090 01:08:36,159 --> 01:08:37,293 MAN: Your Majesty. 1091 01:08:37,293 --> 01:08:39,454 I've got a number I'd like to do. 1092 01:08:39,495 --> 01:08:43,192 -You guys got a piano? -No, but we have a harpsichord. 1093 01:08:43,232 --> 01:08:45,462 Good enough. Let's go over the changes. 1094 01:09:14,664 --> 01:09:17,189 -You guys ready? -We'll try, Your Majesty. 1095 01:09:17,233 --> 01:09:20,430 Great. Ladies and gentlemen, 1096 01:09:20,470 --> 01:09:22,665 I'd like to welcome y'all to the ball again. 1097 01:09:22,705 --> 01:09:24,866 Is everybody having a good time? 1098 01:09:28,010 --> 01:09:31,036 As you may have read, I love music. 1099 01:09:31,113 --> 01:09:33,775 Since this is the biggest audience I've ever had, 1100 01:09:33,816 --> 01:09:35,408 I'd like to play something for you, 1101 01:09:35,451 --> 01:09:38,443 maybe pick up the tempo a little. 1102 01:09:38,488 --> 01:09:41,389 This is a sweet Little Richard Penniman tune. 1103 01:09:41,424 --> 01:09:43,016 [Feedback] 1104 01:09:51,834 --> 01:09:53,426 [Plays harpsichord] 1105 01:09:53,469 --> 01:09:56,131 Ah. Little rusty. 1106 01:09:57,840 --> 01:09:59,364 RALPH: Help me out here. 1107 01:10:00,343 --> 01:10:01,310 Thanks. 1108 01:10:02,845 --> 01:10:04,745 Coat was cramping my style. 1109 01:10:18,995 --> 01:10:20,656 [Singing] Good golly Miss Molly 1110 01:10:21,664 --> 01:10:24,030 You sure like to ball 1111 01:10:24,066 --> 01:10:27,092 Yeah, good golly Miss Molly 1112 01:10:27,136 --> 01:10:29,127 You sure like to ball 1113 01:10:29,839 --> 01:10:32,239 When you're rockin' an' rollin' 1114 01:10:32,308 --> 01:10:35,072 You can't hear mama call 1115 01:10:35,144 --> 01:10:37,669 Well, from the early, early mornin' 1116 01:10:37,747 --> 01:10:39,078 To the early, early night 1117 01:10:39,115 --> 01:10:40,412 You can hear Miss Molly comin' 1118 01:10:40,449 --> 01:10:41,677 And she's runnin' for her life 1119 01:10:41,717 --> 01:10:44,015 Good golly Miss Molly 1120 01:10:44,053 --> 01:10:47,318 Yeah, you sure like to ball 1121 01:10:47,356 --> 01:10:49,517 When you're rockin' an' rollin' 1122 01:10:49,559 --> 01:10:52,460 You can't hear mama call 1123 01:11:07,944 --> 01:11:12,040 Well, good golly Miss Molly 1124 01:11:12,114 --> 01:11:14,446 You sure like to ball 1125 01:11:14,483 --> 01:11:17,077 Yeah, good golly Miss Molly 1126 01:11:17,119 --> 01:11:20,452 Honey, you sure like to throw a ball 1127 01:11:20,489 --> 01:11:22,719 When you're rockin' an' you're rollin' 1128 01:11:22,758 --> 01:11:25,693 You can't hear your mama call 1129 01:11:42,345 --> 01:11:46,805 Your majesty, one of the guests asked me to give you this. 1130 01:11:57,760 --> 01:11:59,159 [Singing] Yeah 1131 01:11:59,195 --> 01:12:00,719 Good golly Miss Molly 1132 01:12:01,831 --> 01:12:04,561 Good golly Miss Molly 1133 01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,761 Good golly Miss Molly 1134 01:12:06,802 --> 01:12:08,770 Wow, good golly Miss Molly 1135 01:12:08,804 --> 01:12:10,101 Yeah, yeah 1136 01:12:10,139 --> 01:12:12,130 Good golly Miss Molly 1137 01:12:12,174 --> 01:12:15,769 Woooooow 1138 01:12:15,845 --> 01:12:17,312 Good night 1139 01:12:30,493 --> 01:12:32,154 You've been a wonderful audience. 1140 01:12:33,029 --> 01:12:34,087 Thanks a lot, guys. 1141 01:12:36,866 --> 01:12:39,596 -What are you doing here? -What do you mean? 1142 01:12:39,635 --> 01:12:40,932 Who is this girl? 1143 01:12:40,970 --> 01:12:43,837 MIRANDA: Miranda. Who are you? 1144 01:12:43,873 --> 01:12:47,036 I'm Princess Anna, the king's future bride. 1145 01:12:47,109 --> 01:12:48,576 Future bride? 1146 01:12:51,147 --> 01:12:54,173 I see. Excuse me, I think I should be going. 1147 01:12:54,250 --> 01:12:56,445 Wait, Miranda. I can explain this. 1148 01:12:56,485 --> 01:12:57,679 GUSTAV: Anna, we are going. 1149 01:12:57,720 --> 01:12:59,654 ANNA: Who was that girl? 1150 01:12:59,689 --> 01:13:01,418 GUSTAV: He is not worth it. 1151 01:13:01,457 --> 01:13:02,924 [Crowd murmuring] 1152 01:13:05,695 --> 01:13:08,255 King Gustav, I'm sure His Majesty regrets-- 1153 01:13:22,144 --> 01:13:25,011 In the wake of last night's disastrous royal ball, 1154 01:13:25,047 --> 01:13:26,571 the Finnish government has awarded... 1155 01:13:26,649 --> 01:13:28,844 its highly prized offshore equipment contract... 1156 01:13:28,884 --> 01:13:30,374 to a Japanese firm. 1157 01:13:30,419 --> 01:13:32,887 King Ralph not only shocked his guests... 1158 01:13:32,922 --> 01:13:34,890 with his rock 'n' roll gyrations, 1159 01:13:34,924 --> 01:13:38,291 but further insulted King Gustav and Princess Anna of Finland... 1160 01:13:38,327 --> 01:13:40,727 by parading with his so-called mystery woman, 1161 01:13:40,763 --> 01:13:43,061 a former stripper named Miranda Greene. 1162 01:13:43,766 --> 01:13:46,826 Political leaders have banded together to condemn... 1163 01:13:46,869 --> 01:13:51,533 GRAVES: Never in recent times has a monarch so shamed... 1164 01:13:51,607 --> 01:13:53,541 and embarrassed his country. 1165 01:13:53,576 --> 01:13:54,941 [Murmurs of approval] 1166 01:13:54,977 --> 01:13:59,277 Must we stand idly by and suffer the degradation... 1167 01:13:59,315 --> 01:14:01,340 of our most sacred traditions... 1168 01:14:01,417 --> 01:14:04,853 by this witless ivory tinkler from across the sea? 1169 01:14:04,887 --> 01:14:06,787 I say no! 1170 01:14:06,822 --> 01:14:08,312 [Exclamations of approval] 1171 01:14:09,759 --> 01:14:13,456 I say it is time to reclaim our heritage. 1172 01:14:13,496 --> 01:14:15,396 [Murmurs of agreement] 1173 01:14:15,431 --> 01:14:20,095 I say it is time to reclaim our national pride. 1174 01:14:20,136 --> 01:14:21,364 CROWD: Hear, hear! 1175 01:14:21,403 --> 01:14:26,431 I say it is time to reclaim our throne! 1176 01:14:26,509 --> 01:14:27,976 [Cheering and applause] 1177 01:14:36,352 --> 01:14:38,445 Sorry, Grandpa. 1178 01:14:38,487 --> 01:14:41,217 I could've made a mark for our side of the family, 1179 01:14:41,257 --> 01:14:42,451 and I screwed it up. 1180 01:14:43,893 --> 01:14:45,952 Maybe I should have myself beheaded. 1181 01:15:18,527 --> 01:15:21,155 Tommie, this is Ralph. I need a favor. 1182 01:15:41,517 --> 01:15:44,008 -Mrs. Greene? -Yes? 1183 01:15:44,053 --> 01:15:45,680 Hi. Is Miranda here? 1184 01:15:46,589 --> 01:15:50,958 As I live and breathe! You're him, aren't you? 1185 01:15:50,993 --> 01:15:52,426 Just barely. 1186 01:15:54,663 --> 01:15:56,995 RALPH: I shouldn't have come, but I wanted to. 1187 01:15:57,032 --> 01:15:59,159 Parliament wants me to resign. 1188 01:15:59,201 --> 01:16:00,429 Hale agrees. 1189 01:16:00,469 --> 01:16:02,198 MIRANDA: Will you do it? 1190 01:16:02,238 --> 01:16:05,105 RALPH: I've never done anything important. 1191 01:16:05,140 --> 01:16:07,540 I usually bail out long before that. 1192 01:16:07,610 --> 01:16:10,044 I am the king, even if I shouldn't be. 1193 01:16:10,079 --> 01:16:13,981 I don't want to be the one who embarrassed the whole country... 1194 01:16:14,016 --> 01:16:16,450 and had to crawl out the back door. 1195 01:16:16,485 --> 01:16:18,112 King Ralph the Chickenhearted. 1196 01:16:19,755 --> 01:16:21,484 What do you think? 1197 01:16:21,523 --> 01:16:23,684 I'm in no position to give advice. 1198 01:16:24,860 --> 01:16:27,488 I'm sorry about all the stuff in the papers, 1199 01:16:27,529 --> 01:16:29,053 all the things they've been saying-- 1200 01:16:29,098 --> 01:16:32,363 Ralph, there's something I have to tell you. 1201 01:16:35,337 --> 01:16:41,367 After we first met at the club, Lord Graves came to see me. 1202 01:16:41,443 --> 01:16:42,637 Graves? 1203 01:16:45,180 --> 01:16:48,638 He offered me money to help my family... 1204 01:16:50,219 --> 01:16:56,055 if I would see you and compromise you in some way. 1205 01:16:56,659 --> 01:16:59,321 You went for it? You let him bribe you? 1206 01:17:00,663 --> 01:17:03,598 -To begin with. -I don't believe this. 1207 01:17:06,168 --> 01:17:08,966 Ever since I've been here, I had people saying, 1208 01:17:09,004 --> 01:17:10,938 "Stay away from her. She's no good. 1209 01:17:10,973 --> 01:17:12,964 "She's the wrong class." I ignored them. 1210 01:17:13,042 --> 01:17:15,602 I kept telling myself everything's gonna work out... 1211 01:17:15,678 --> 01:17:19,512 once they know you, once they find out how great you are. 1212 01:17:19,548 --> 01:17:21,641 And all along, you were setting me up! 1213 01:17:22,685 --> 01:17:24,550 What did they give you for the night in the park? 1214 01:17:26,322 --> 01:17:29,655 After that night, I gave Graves his money back. 1215 01:17:29,692 --> 01:17:32,786 I told him I was out. I didn't know about the photos. 1216 01:17:32,828 --> 01:17:33,954 Yeah, right. 1217 01:17:33,996 --> 01:17:38,330 That's why I said I couldn't see you anymore. 1218 01:17:38,367 --> 01:17:41,962 -lt would've been too dangerous. -I wish I could believe that. 1219 01:17:42,004 --> 01:17:46,634 I don't expect you to...or to believe that I've missed you. 1220 01:17:46,709 --> 01:17:48,677 I wish we could still see each other. 1221 01:17:49,712 --> 01:17:53,148 I was stupid. I was offered an easy way out of my problems, 1222 01:17:53,215 --> 01:17:57,117 and I took it without thinking about the consequences. 1223 01:17:57,152 --> 01:18:01,111 I don't know what to think. I've been over my head here. 1224 01:18:01,156 --> 01:18:03,420 The only thing I was sure of was you. 1225 01:18:05,327 --> 01:18:07,158 You were England to me, Miranda. 1226 01:18:25,014 --> 01:18:26,106 [Knocking] 1227 01:18:26,181 --> 01:18:27,148 Come in. 1228 01:18:33,355 --> 01:18:35,687 You wanted to see me, Your Majesty? 1229 01:18:35,724 --> 01:18:37,351 Yes, Gordon, I'd like something. 1230 01:18:38,027 --> 01:18:40,120 Anything, Your Majesty. 1231 01:18:42,231 --> 01:18:43,459 No. 1232 01:18:45,734 --> 01:18:47,634 RALPH: Just an explanation. 1233 01:18:53,842 --> 01:18:57,175 I'll see what I can find out, Your Majesty. 1234 01:19:01,450 --> 01:19:05,887 Maybe you can find out why it's written in your handwriting. 1235 01:19:07,856 --> 01:19:14,955 I...don't know anything... about...anything. 1236 01:19:15,831 --> 01:19:18,925 Don't worry. It'll all come back to you. 1237 01:19:21,070 --> 01:19:23,095 -Hi. -Good day, Your Majesty. 1238 01:19:25,407 --> 01:19:27,136 -Your Majesty. -Got a second? 1239 01:19:27,209 --> 01:19:29,677 DUNCAN: Yes. It's been a disturbing day, hasn't it? 1240 01:19:29,745 --> 01:19:32,475 RALPH: Yes, but that's not why I wanted to see you. 1241 01:19:32,514 --> 01:19:35,244 I was thinking of something you said to me once. 1242 01:19:35,284 --> 01:19:37,718 Most things go in one ear and out the other, 1243 01:19:37,753 --> 01:19:39,618 but this stuck with me somehow. 1244 01:19:39,655 --> 01:19:42,385 You said you were nervous when you first decided on me, 1245 01:19:42,424 --> 01:19:44,153 or something like that. 1246 01:19:44,193 --> 01:19:46,684 -Did I say that, Your Majesty? -Yes, you did. 1247 01:19:46,728 --> 01:19:48,753 It's the word "decide" that got me thinking. 1248 01:19:48,797 --> 01:19:51,459 -Did it, Your Majesty? -Yes, it did. 1249 01:19:51,500 --> 01:19:54,333 -I'm the king, right? -Yes, indeed. 1250 01:19:54,369 --> 01:19:56,701 And as my assistant private secretary, 1251 01:19:56,738 --> 01:19:59,332 you are sworn to give me whatever information... 1252 01:19:59,408 --> 01:20:02,002 I might need, aren't you? 1253 01:20:03,178 --> 01:20:07,012 -Yes, Your Majesty. -All right, then, Phipps. 1254 01:20:10,786 --> 01:20:11,946 'Fess up. 1255 01:20:17,493 --> 01:20:19,757 You wanted to see me, Your Majesty? 1256 01:20:19,795 --> 01:20:21,262 Yes, Ced. Come on in. 1257 01:20:24,433 --> 01:20:25,900 RALPH: Have a seat. 1258 01:20:31,006 --> 01:20:33,975 I've been talking to Dunc about something he said to me, 1259 01:20:34,009 --> 01:20:36,477 and it came out that maybe there was another guy... 1260 01:20:36,512 --> 01:20:38,275 in line for the throne besides me. 1261 01:20:38,313 --> 01:20:39,575 Is that true, Ced? 1262 01:20:40,883 --> 01:20:42,908 I'm afraid it is, Your Majesty. 1263 01:20:45,187 --> 01:20:46,984 Was his claim as strong as mine? 1264 01:20:47,890 --> 01:20:49,084 Almost, yes. 1265 01:20:50,259 --> 01:20:52,318 His great-grandfather had an unfortunate evening... 1266 01:20:52,361 --> 01:20:53,760 with a parlor maid. 1267 01:20:54,496 --> 01:20:56,760 -So he was English? -Yes. 1268 01:20:57,566 --> 01:20:59,591 Then why wasn't he chosen over me? 1269 01:20:59,635 --> 01:21:01,535 He begged to be let off. 1270 01:21:03,205 --> 01:21:05,332 He insisted that he was undeserving... 1271 01:21:05,407 --> 01:21:07,375 of such an exalted position. 1272 01:21:08,944 --> 01:21:14,644 In other words, you just couldn't face it. 1273 01:21:17,186 --> 01:21:19,450 Yes, Your Majesty, I couldn't. 1274 01:21:21,523 --> 01:21:22,990 CEDRIC: I didn't feel worthy, 1275 01:21:23,025 --> 01:21:25,550 and I have no children to continue the line. 1276 01:21:26,762 --> 01:21:28,889 So I swore Phipps to silence... 1277 01:21:28,931 --> 01:21:31,991 and decided to stay on as your private secretary. 1278 01:21:32,034 --> 01:21:35,800 Why? So you'd pick up a few pointers just in case? 1279 01:21:35,837 --> 01:21:38,829 I was determined to help you do the job so well... 1280 01:21:38,907 --> 01:21:41,375 that " just in case" would never arise. 1281 01:21:43,478 --> 01:21:46,447 It's easier to whisper advice from cover... 1282 01:21:46,481 --> 01:21:49,746 than to risk its merit at the point of attack. 1283 01:21:51,620 --> 01:21:53,588 I am sorry, Your Majesty, 1284 01:21:53,622 --> 01:21:56,682 both for my deception and my cowardice. 1285 01:22:08,770 --> 01:22:10,897 I ought to be pissed, but what the hell. 1286 01:22:10,939 --> 01:22:13,464 I had nothing else going. I didn't get shot. 1287 01:22:15,577 --> 01:22:17,135 Plus, you are a relative. 1288 01:22:20,215 --> 01:22:22,775 Thank you, Your Majesty, for your tolerance. 1289 01:22:27,256 --> 01:22:30,123 Phipps, call the Prime Minister. I want to address Parliament. 1290 01:22:30,158 --> 01:22:33,457 -Parliament? -Parliament. 1291 01:23:07,629 --> 01:23:10,962 GRAVES: My lords, members of the House of Commons, 1292 01:23:10,999 --> 01:23:14,230 His Majesty, Ralph l, 1293 01:23:14,269 --> 01:23:17,432 by the grace of God, king of the United Kingdom... 1294 01:23:17,472 --> 01:23:19,804 of Great Britain and Northern Ireland... 1295 01:23:19,875 --> 01:23:23,038 head of the Commonwealth, defender of the faith. 1296 01:23:35,891 --> 01:23:37,518 Please be seated. 1297 01:23:44,499 --> 01:23:47,059 My lords and members of the House of Commons, 1298 01:23:47,102 --> 01:23:50,367 I know it's unusual for a king to address Parliament, 1299 01:23:50,405 --> 01:23:54,535 but I have some things to say, and I must say them firsthand. 1300 01:23:54,609 --> 01:23:59,672 As you all know, I've made some terrible mistakes lately-- 1301 01:23:59,748 --> 01:24:01,443 mistakes which have shamed England... 1302 01:24:01,483 --> 01:24:04,816 and cost its workers some badly needed jobs. 1303 01:24:04,853 --> 01:24:08,254 I have no excuse for my actions. 1304 01:24:08,290 --> 01:24:11,453 I know I can't undo what's been done. 1305 01:24:11,493 --> 01:24:14,121 I can only try to make up for it somehow. 1306 01:24:14,162 --> 01:24:17,529 With that in mind, I placed a call last night... 1307 01:24:17,566 --> 01:24:19,329 to King Mulambon of Zambezi. 1308 01:24:19,368 --> 01:24:20,699 [Murmuring] 1309 01:24:23,138 --> 01:24:26,801 I am happy to be able to announce that Zambezi... 1310 01:24:26,875 --> 01:24:29,002 will begin full production of Africa's first car... 1311 01:24:29,077 --> 01:24:30,544 by the end of the year, 1312 01:24:30,612 --> 01:24:33,172 and in a deal worked out with Prime Minister Hale, 1313 01:24:33,248 --> 01:24:36,513 all of the engines will be built right here in England. 1314 01:24:36,551 --> 01:24:38,041 [Cheering] 1315 01:24:39,388 --> 01:24:41,117 Good thing we had him around. 1316 01:24:44,226 --> 01:24:45,625 The plan calls for the opening... 1317 01:24:45,660 --> 01:24:48,561 of three new plants in the northeast. 1318 01:24:48,597 --> 01:24:52,761 In addition, Zambezi wants to buy &200 million worth... 1319 01:24:52,801 --> 01:24:54,598 of English heavy equipment... 1320 01:24:54,636 --> 01:24:57,571 to help in the mining of their vast national resources. 1321 01:24:57,606 --> 01:24:59,096 [Cheering] 1322 01:25:04,613 --> 01:25:05,944 Yeah! 1323 01:25:09,251 --> 01:25:11,344 As happy as I am about all this, 1324 01:25:11,386 --> 01:25:14,082 it doesn't make up for my shortcomings as a king. 1325 01:25:14,122 --> 01:25:17,421 I have done my best to learn the ways of royalty, 1326 01:25:17,459 --> 01:25:20,553 to try to be the kind of king you could be proud of. 1327 01:25:21,530 --> 01:25:24,328 But I'm afraid my best will never be good enough. 1328 01:25:25,434 --> 01:25:29,530 Too often, my personal instincts conflict with my obligations. 1329 01:25:29,571 --> 01:25:34,634 For that reason, I have decided to give up my throne. 1330 01:25:34,709 --> 01:25:36,176 [Murmuring] 1331 01:25:41,716 --> 01:25:45,243 But before I go, there are some things I want to set straight. 1332 01:25:46,555 --> 01:25:48,216 Ever since I became king, 1333 01:25:48,256 --> 01:25:50,816 a member of this house has worked to discredit me, 1334 01:25:50,859 --> 01:25:53,419 hoping that his family would return to the throne. 1335 01:25:53,462 --> 01:25:57,296 The so-called scandalous photographs you heard about... 1336 01:25:57,332 --> 01:25:59,493 were taken and delivered to the king of Finland... 1337 01:25:59,534 --> 01:26:02,628 by a man working for Lord Percival Graves. 1338 01:26:04,105 --> 01:26:07,506 This is an outrage, a vile piece of slander! 1339 01:26:07,576 --> 01:26:09,942 I demand to knowthe source of these accusations! 1340 01:26:09,978 --> 01:26:12,879 We have the confession of a royal page, Gordon Halliwell, 1341 01:26:12,914 --> 01:26:14,381 who worked with Lord Graves. 1342 01:26:14,416 --> 01:26:16,646 I know no such man. 1343 01:26:16,685 --> 01:26:19,518 And several checks made out to the photographer, 1344 01:26:19,554 --> 01:26:20,987 signed by Lord Graves, 1345 01:26:21,022 --> 01:26:23,149 whose fingerprints were also on the photographs. 1346 01:26:23,191 --> 01:26:25,250 So? I sawthem at the ball. 1347 01:26:25,293 --> 01:26:27,989 RALPH: Scotland Yard found the negatives in his house. 1348 01:26:28,029 --> 01:26:29,496 [Murmuring] 1349 01:26:32,901 --> 01:26:35,563 By what right can you order my arrest? 1350 01:26:35,604 --> 01:26:38,266 By the Treason Act of 1702... 1351 01:26:38,306 --> 01:26:41,002 forbidding interference with the proper succession of a monarch, 1352 01:26:41,076 --> 01:26:42,475 enacted by-- 1353 01:26:45,580 --> 01:26:47,104 [Whispering] Charlie, Charlie, James again. 1354 01:26:47,182 --> 01:26:48,672 William III. 1355 01:26:52,354 --> 01:26:54,447 CROWD: Shame! Shame! 1356 01:26:59,027 --> 01:27:00,858 Shame! 1357 01:27:00,896 --> 01:27:03,831 That's right! String him up, wanker! 1358 01:27:06,201 --> 01:27:08,567 I didn't bring this out to defend my behavior, 1359 01:27:08,603 --> 01:27:11,163 but when I embarrassed England, it was unintentional. 1360 01:27:11,206 --> 01:27:12,673 Graves did it deliberately. 1361 01:27:16,111 --> 01:27:19,205 This is where my notes run out. I'll wing it from here. 1362 01:27:19,281 --> 01:27:21,772 [Chuckling] 1363 01:27:22,884 --> 01:27:26,718 When I first came here, I hardly knew where England was, 1364 01:27:26,755 --> 01:27:30,418 but over the last couple of months, something has changed. 1365 01:27:30,458 --> 01:27:33,586 I'll always consider myself an American, 1366 01:27:33,628 --> 01:27:36,188 but I've come to feel like I'm English, too. 1367 01:27:36,231 --> 01:27:39,291 I now realize how important a king can be to his people... 1368 01:27:39,334 --> 01:27:40,562 if he's the right man. 1369 01:27:41,636 --> 01:27:45,003 I'm too set in my ways to ever be that man. 1370 01:27:45,640 --> 01:27:50,737 As an Englishman, I want all of us to have a king we deserve. 1371 01:27:51,580 --> 01:27:55,778 For that reason, tomorrow I'm turning over the throne... 1372 01:27:55,817 --> 01:27:57,944 to Cedric Charles Willingham. 1373 01:27:57,986 --> 01:27:59,453 [Murmuring] 1374 01:28:02,490 --> 01:28:05,186 You'll be glad to know he's also a Wyndham... 1375 01:28:05,226 --> 01:28:08,957 and a better, more qualified man than any nation could hope for. 1376 01:28:10,599 --> 01:28:13,033 And so to him I pledge my allegiance. 1377 01:28:14,536 --> 01:28:16,629 Long live Cedric l, 1378 01:28:16,671 --> 01:28:19,196 by the grace of God, king of the United Kingdom... 1379 01:28:19,240 --> 01:28:21,731 of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, 1380 01:28:21,776 --> 01:28:25,712 head of the Commonwealth, defender of the faith. 1381 01:28:29,417 --> 01:28:30,907 God save the king. 1382 01:28:32,654 --> 01:28:35,054 ALL: God save the king! 1383 01:28:50,905 --> 01:28:54,068 I can't help it. I'm going to miss him. 1384 01:28:59,314 --> 01:29:01,509 CEDRIC: And one last thing. 1385 01:29:01,549 --> 01:29:03,039 There's been some discussion, 1386 01:29:03,118 --> 01:29:04,710 and the Chancellor of the Exchequer... 1387 01:29:04,753 --> 01:29:07,881 has suggested for your approval a healthy annual income... 1388 01:29:07,922 --> 01:29:10,720 and a house in the country befitting your status. 1389 01:29:10,759 --> 01:29:13,728 RALPH: I don't know. I think I should stay out of royalty. 1390 01:29:13,762 --> 01:29:16,595 CEDRIC: You wouldn't have any official obligations, 1391 01:29:16,631 --> 01:29:18,189 and I'm having this house equipped... 1392 01:29:18,233 --> 01:29:20,167 with its own recording studio. 1393 01:29:21,369 --> 01:29:24,463 Maybe I should give this a little more thought. 1394 01:29:24,506 --> 01:29:29,068 I think so. After me, you're still the only Wyndham left, 1395 01:29:29,144 --> 01:29:32,511 and there's still the matter of your investiture. 1396 01:29:32,547 --> 01:29:34,606 Well, I guess that about does it. 1397 01:29:34,683 --> 01:29:36,810 I know you'll do a hell of a job. 1398 01:29:36,851 --> 01:29:39,251 You got the breeding, you got the know-how. 1399 01:29:39,287 --> 01:29:40,879 You've practically been king already. 1400 01:29:40,922 --> 01:29:43,390 You'll probably have to work on your dancing, though. 1401 01:29:43,425 --> 01:29:46,189 And feel free, you know, to change the decor. 1402 01:29:46,227 --> 01:29:48,388 Just a dab here and there. 1403 01:29:49,731 --> 01:29:52,859 Anyway, I want to thank you for everything you did for me. 1404 01:29:52,901 --> 01:29:54,732 I couldn't have made it without you. 1405 01:29:56,137 --> 01:29:58,037 And you, too, Dunc and Tommie. 1406 01:29:58,773 --> 01:30:01,264 It's I who should be thanking you. 1407 01:30:01,309 --> 01:30:03,607 You showed me howto be a king. 1408 01:30:03,645 --> 01:30:07,775 Me? I was a lousy king. 1409 01:30:07,816 --> 01:30:09,340 On the contrary. 1410 01:30:11,352 --> 01:30:16,915 You are a good and decent man, and you've acted honorably. 1411 01:30:17,992 --> 01:30:20,392 I shall try to follow your example. 1412 01:30:22,030 --> 01:30:23,292 Thank you, Ced. 1413 01:30:24,933 --> 01:30:26,491 RALPH: Don't forget the crown. 1414 01:30:26,534 --> 01:30:29,662 You'll want to practice wearing it to get used to the weight. 1415 01:30:32,607 --> 01:30:36,475 -So long, Tommie. -Good luck, Your Majesty. 1416 01:30:39,214 --> 01:30:43,344 -So long, Dunc. -Good-bye, Your Majesty. 1417 01:30:52,127 --> 01:30:53,856 So long, Your Majesty. 1418 01:31:29,898 --> 01:31:31,729 [Women talking softly] 1419 01:31:39,541 --> 01:31:40,701 Excuse me. 1420 01:31:52,787 --> 01:31:54,721 What do you say we start over again? 1421 01:32:08,002 --> 01:32:10,266 MAN: Sir Ralph Jones. 1422 01:32:20,048 --> 01:32:24,246 I proclaim you Ralph Hampton Gainsworth Jones, 1423 01:32:24,285 --> 01:32:26,617 third duke of Warren. 1424 01:32:31,426 --> 01:32:34,361 [Singing] Duke, duke, duke, duke of Earl 1425 01:32:34,395 --> 01:32:36,625 Duke, duke, duke of Earl 1426 01:32:36,664 --> 01:32:39,189 Duke, duke, duke of Earl 1427 01:32:39,234 --> 01:32:41,168 Duke, duke, duke of Earl 1428 01:32:41,202 --> 01:32:43,397 Duke, duke, duke of Earl 1429 01:32:43,438 --> 01:32:45,668 Duke, duke, duke of Earl 1430 01:32:45,740 --> 01:32:48,766 Duke, duke, duke of Earl, duke, duke 1431 01:32:48,843 --> 01:32:54,577 As I walk through this world 1432 01:32:54,616 --> 01:32:59,110 Nothing can stop the duke of Earl 1433 01:32:59,153 --> 01:33:02,782 And you, you are my girl 1434 01:33:02,824 --> 01:33:05,292 And no one can hurt you 1435 01:33:05,326 --> 01:33:07,294 No, no 1436 01:33:07,328 --> 01:33:14,029 Yes, I know I'm gonna love you 1437 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl 1438 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl 1439 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl 1440 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl 1441 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl 1442 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl 1443 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl 1444 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl 1445 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl 1446 01:33:18,806 --> 01:33:23,470 'Cause I'm the duke of Earl