0 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:55,000 Colored & Hearing Improved By SidBrothers_3 1 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:03,607 Give me that! 2 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,769 (SCREAMING) 3 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,804 (GRUNTS) Move! 4 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,762 Hey, sir! Sir! Come back! (ALARM BLARING) 5 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:38,367 (TYRES SCREECHING) 6 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,241 (EXCLAIMS) 7 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,925 HANNAH: I've gotta get outta here. 8 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,684 Boo, boo, boo, hey, hey, hey. 9 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,643 Girl, you got that list of questions? 10 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:02,846 Yes. 11 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,810 I think I have everything that I need. 12 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,800 Be happy you ain't got this chlamydia, all right? 13 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,968 Ooh, girl, I tried to take a piss earlier, 14 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,200 it was like there was an angry dragon inside my snatch, 15 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,124 you know, like some Game of Thrones shit! 16 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,362 That's terrible, Kateesha. 17 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,125 I can't help it when a tall, athletic brother 18 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,561 come pushing up on this thickness. 19 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,449 Ooh, yeah... Oh, shit! 20 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:28,089 Oh, God, girl, I thank God every motherfucking day 21 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,766 that the SuperSonics moved to Oklahoma. Shit. 22 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:36,929 Okay, I'm gonna go so I won't be late for your interview. 23 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,571 What the fuck are you wearing, girl? 24 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:43,329 There ain't no camouflage, no fishnets and no fluorescent colors. 25 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,324 How they gonna see you in the dark, bitch? How they gonna see you? 26 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,245 I gotta go. 27 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:04,921 (CAR BACKFIRES) 28 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,764 Wow, so big. 29 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,605 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 30 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,450 Oh, I'm sorry. 31 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,205 If you're looking for the homeless shelter, it's two doors down. 32 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,243 Oh, no, I'm... I'm Hannah Steale. 33 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,527 I'm here to see Mr. Black. 34 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,762 The college bitch. May I take your coat? 35 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,286 Yes, please. Thank you. 36 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,565 Ew... 37 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,680 Follow me. 38 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:58,806 In case you're wondering, 39 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,848 I'm the hot secretary who's fucking the boss, 40 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:02,843 which means there's no room for the dopey intern 41 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,287 with the damaged hair and the cankles. 42 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,086 Come here. 43 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,242 (EXHALES) Ugh! 44 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,651 That's the smell of his balls 45 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,688 after lunch and two games of racquetball. 46 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,683 (INHALES) Mmm... 47 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,289 Have a nice day, Ms. Steale. 48 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,850 (IN A LOW VOICE) Plain-ass bitch. 49 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,251 (DOOR THUDS) (SIGHS) 50 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:31,684 (GRUNTING) 51 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:37,531 (YELLING) 52 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,046 Ow! My neck. Ow. Ooh. 53 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,047 You... 54 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,327 (GROWLING) 55 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,084 Oh, shit! 56 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,528 I guess I should've tried pulling. 57 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:03,687 Ms. Kavahellnah. 58 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:04,841 Christian Black. 59 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,046 Are you okay? 60 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,288 I think so, yeah. 61 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,528 Good, 'cause you got fucked up! 62 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,931 (LAUGHING) 63 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,606 I mean, you hit that statue like a hard-charging rhino, 64 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,489 and I say rhino because you're a lot fatter than I thought, 65 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,561 and you got this bump on your nose 66 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,608 that resembles a small horn. Um... 67 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,490 Maybe you wanna get that squeezed. Okay. 68 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,085 A little Proactiv on it. 69 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,930 I'm not Ms. Kavahellnah. 70 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,490 You ain't Ms. Kavahellnah? 71 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,404 Who the fuck are you? My name is Hannah Steale. 72 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:31,970 I'm studying literature 73 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,929 with Kateesha at the university. 74 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,401 Oh. 75 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:38,205 Please, have a seat. 76 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,770 Thank you. You're welcome. 77 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:56,841 No. 78 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,401 No. So, what do you want? 79 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,608 Jesus Christ! Just spit it out! 80 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,850 A pencil. 81 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,969 (MOCKING) A pencil... (NORMALLY) You should've just said that in the beginning! 82 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,441 Gosh! Here, take 'em! 83 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,962 Jesus! Thank you. 84 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,089 You gotta get your shit together, Ms. Steale. 85 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,525 Shit. 86 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,251 These are Kateesha's questions, okay? 87 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,320 "You have mad stacks of cash. 88 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,600 "How'd you get it, and can I get some?" 89 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,366 (CHUCKLES) Oh... Ms. Steale. 90 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,561 I got my money 91 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,847 the way most black entrepreneurs got theirs. 92 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,408 Real estate? Drug dealing. 93 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:43,048 See, you have to know your business inside and out. 94 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,206 I smoked crack. Not for long, 95 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,008 but just long enough to know what a penis tastes like. 96 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,488 Tastes like raw rump roast. 97 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,210 Mmm. (SMACKS LIPS) Ew! 98 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,648 I got all ashy, like E.T. when he was sick in the river. 99 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:01,170 I lost six essential teeth. 100 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:05,128 Have you ever tried to eat steak with one molar? 101 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,521 No. Why would I do that? 102 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,128 Gnaw and suck. 103 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,244 Gnaw and suck. It's hard. 104 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,486 Could be that you're lucky. No. 105 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,803 Keanu Reeves is lucky. 106 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,566 Flo Rida is lucky. 107 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,927 Iggy Azalea is lucky. 108 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,923 Yeah, he's lucky. 109 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,201 Next question. 110 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:33,329 "Is you gay, or is you gay as a motherfucker?" 111 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,645 Just because you touch a penis doesn't mean you're gay. 112 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,246 Especially if it's for money or crack. 113 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,406 You're only gay if you enjoy touching penis. 114 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,201 You touch a penis with attitude, like... "I don't really like this." 115 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,369 That ain't gay. It's just exploratory. 116 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,323 You said you're an English major. 117 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,721 Was it Chaucer, Shelley or Keats 118 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,882 that first made you fall in love with literature? 119 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,322 It was Seuss. Seuss! 120 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,051 Cat in the Hat, Thing 1 and Thing 2. ...and Thing 2! 121 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,202 I mean, who doesn't wanna be them? 122 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,328 Well, you know, me and my brother were Thing 1 123 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,925 and Thing 2 for Halloween this year. 124 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,002 Really? Yeah. Check this out. 125 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,207 (HANNAH GASPS) 126 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,169 Oh, my God, look at both of you! 127 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,288 We called 'em Thang 1 and Thang 2. 128 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,402 (BOTH LAUGHS) 129 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:19,845 That's amazing. 130 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:21,524 What if I wanted to hire you? 131 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,891 I don't know. I see the way the women dress around here. 132 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,691 I don't exactly fit in. 133 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,762 You know, despite the Salvation Army sweater, 134 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,330 the greasy weaves, 135 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,408 and your big ol' Usher nose, 136 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,926 there's something oddly attractive about you. 137 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,163 Yeah, you're like the little ugly runt 138 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,969 in a litter full of pretty puppies. 139 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,282 You know, the little ugly one that nobody wants to touch. 140 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,807 You're, all hairless and big-eyed and wild-looking. 141 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,691 But you just wanna take you home and give you love, 142 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,762 or stuff you in a sack with a bunch of rocks 143 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,330 and just toss your little ugly ass 144 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,440 at the bottom of the ocean. 145 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:55,766 Just put you out your misery. 146 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,448 Oh. Okay. 147 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,726 Thank you, Mr. Black. 148 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,007 Please, call me Christian. 149 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,051 Christian. I hope I answered all your questions. 150 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,202 (ELEVATOR DINGS) You certainly did. 151 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,483 Hannah. Christian. 152 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:16,971 Ooh, shit! (ELEVATOR ALARM BLARING) 153 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,530 Oh, God! 154 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,281 Oh! 155 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,084 Jesus Christ! 156 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,844 Oh, God, make it stop! 157 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,843 (ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE) (SIGHS) 158 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,571 White girls, get that elevator fixed. 159 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,001 (DOOR OPENS) 160 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,005 Ooh, Hannah! 161 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,561 So, how was he? 162 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,123 He was all right, I guess. 163 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,886 Oh, shit! You fucked him, girl! I knew that shit! 164 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,685 (SINGSONG) Yeah, girl, get that dick, girl, get that dick. 165 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,889 What? Uh! Get that dick! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 166 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,685 Take it to town, motherfucker. Get that dick. 167 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,808 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 168 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,962 Shit, girl, yeah! Ooh! 169 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,610 So, did he have a big dick? 170 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,445 What? Ooh, girl, was it like real skinny, girl, 171 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,443 or was it like real long, like skinny long? 172 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,726 'Cause that's fucking weird. 173 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,683 But, like, short and thick, girl? 174 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,285 I can get down with that short, fat dick. 175 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,011 No, there is... There's no... There's no dick. 176 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,764 Remember what I told you, okay? 177 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,123 If it's got like little red zit-like things on the head of that shit, 178 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,964 you put that in your butt, okay? 179 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,522 He gonna be like, "Oh, girl, no, it's just skin tags." 180 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,881 "Bitch, you got 47 skin tags on your dick? 181 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,041 "I ain't falling for that shit. 182 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,043 "Again!" Okay? 183 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:31,722 Mmm, but you gotta admit, girl, he is bangin'! Mmm! 184 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,930 Yeah, I guess if you're into the wildly-successful, 185 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,407 super-handsome, possibly-dangerous thing, 186 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,369 then Christian Black is your guy. 187 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,410 Bitch, I'm talkin' 'bout Lil Weezy! 188 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,051 Ooh, girl, he got tats on his tats. 189 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,282 And he ain't afraid to get a bitch pregnant. 190 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,089 Let you keep the baby and everythin'. 191 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:50,321 Mmm. 192 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,246 You gonna eat that? 193 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:58,922 Ooh, I wish I could find a man the size of this to satisfy me. 194 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,611 (CHUCKLES) This shit better be gluten-free. 195 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,360 (SIGHS) 196 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,611 Hmm, Mr. Black. 197 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,290 Oh, God. 198 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,929 Mmm... God, Christian. 199 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,001 Mmm... 200 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,529 (MOANING) 201 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:47,641 (CLIPBOARD CLATTERS) 202 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,210 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) 203 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:50,406 (EXCLAIMING) 204 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,130 Oh, my God, you know what I wanna do. 205 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,486 (CONTINUES MOANING) 206 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,964 (RETCHES AND SPITS) 207 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,244 (GAGGING) 208 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:03,845 (YELLING) 209 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,125 (CONTINUES GAGGING) 210 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,566 (MOANS) 211 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,041 (COUGHS) 212 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,963 (PANTING) 213 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:13,727 (CHUCKLES) 214 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,047 (GASPS) 215 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,644 Hi. What the fuck? 216 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,650 What a pleasant surprise, Ms. Steale. 217 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,009 Please, call me Hannah. 218 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,127 Okay, Ms. Steale. 219 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,680 I was just in the area and wanted to pick up a few items. 220 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,521 Are you stalking me, Mr. Black? 221 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:32,965 (LAUGHS) 222 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,087 Yes. 223 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,602 I mean, unless you don't want me to. 224 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,650 You do want me to, don't you? 225 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,885 Just something to think about. 226 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,286 Can I help you with something? 227 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,441 Yes. 228 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,761 I would like to pick up some cable ties and some tape. 229 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,128 Well, you're in luck, we got some cable ties right here. 230 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,288 What color do you want? Red. 231 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,523 The color of passion. 232 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,964 The tape is this way. Follow me. 233 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,644 If I didn't know better, 234 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,722 I might mistake you for a serial killer. 235 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,046 (CHUCKLES) 236 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:12,645 Don't be ridiculous. If I was a serial killer, 237 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,722 I'd need rope, ax, lye, ammonia, 238 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,723 chlorophyll, wood chipper, plastic sheets 239 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,723 and three large boxes of space Pampers. 240 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,406 And a shovel. 241 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,722 Second thought... 242 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,928 I think I need to pick up a few more items. 243 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,166 Well, looks like you're all set now. 244 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,765 Thank you, Ms. Steale. 245 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:36,326 Hey, if your roommate needs a photo to go with the story, 246 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,767 I'll be around tomorrow. And the next day. 247 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:39,921 And the day after that. 248 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,968 I'm actually around all of next week. 249 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,208 Here. Just contact me. 250 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,325 "Christian Black. 251 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:52,085 "I'm not a bidness man, I'm a bidness... man." 252 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,641 Thank you so much for your help, Ms. Steale. 253 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,888 Let me know when those space Pampers come in, okay? 254 00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,485 Save me three boxes! (THUDS) 255 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:00,931 Got a long drive ahead of me. 256 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,411 (CHUCKLES) Bye! 257 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,130 I'm gonna call you. 258 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,327 (DOOR OPENS) 259 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:09,010 (JESSE VOCALIZING) 260 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,124 Jesse! Hey. 261 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,328 Thank you so much for doing this last minute. 262 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,125 Hannah, listen, you are my best friend, okay? 263 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:18,611 You know I'd do anything for you, right? 264 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:19,966 Oh! 265 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,767 Yeah. I'd really love a handjob, though. What? 266 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,531 I said I really love this job. It's amazing. 267 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,204 Oh, my God. Get in here. 268 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,930 (GRUNTS) Later I wanna hit it. 269 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,770 Uh... Um... 270 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,490 I didn't catch the last thing. 271 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,648 I said later I wanna hit the bar. 272 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,006 Oh. Come on, Hannah, 273 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,730 it's what platonic friends do. 274 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,165 You know? You grab a beer, right? 275 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,287 Then you make out and have sex 276 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,120 until we question the status of our friendship or whatever, you know? 277 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,811 I guess. Come on. Yeah. Come here. 278 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,490 Whoa! Whoa! 279 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,961 Hannah! Did you just kiss me on my lips? 280 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,720 Wait, I thought that... No. Listen. Okay, let's get one thing clear. 281 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,724 We are just friends. Don't make it weird. Oh, no, I thought... 282 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,081 It's okay, I'll fuck you later. Wait. What? 283 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,282 I said I'll see you later. 284 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,005 Jeez, Hannah. Oh. 285 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,170 Just go. 286 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,445 (POP MUSIC PLAYING) 287 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,325 JESSE: Pow! Pow! 288 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,087 Girl, he's staring at you like some real 289 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,083 Fear-type shit right now, girl. 290 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,605 He look like Marky Mark 291 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,967 after he left the Funky Bunch and started acting, girl. 292 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,405 All right, give me a smile. 293 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,001 Cheese. 294 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,321 All right, don't ever fucking smile again, okay? 295 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,160 He asked me to go to coffee with him after the shoot. 296 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,730 Oh, girl, that's cute! 297 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,450 Last time I went to coffee, 298 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,682 I got eaten out outside of McDonald's. 299 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,651 That McCaf� menu got a girl gushin'. 300 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,600 All right, let's break the Internet. (CORK POPS) 301 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,041 Eat. 302 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,846 I'm not your dog, you can't tell me what to do. 303 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,806 You're right. If you were my dog, I would do this. 304 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,521 Bad girl! Bad, bad, bad girl! 305 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,286 (SPITS) 306 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:01,566 So, tell me about your family. 307 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:02,886 Well... 308 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:07,088 My dad left me when I was two years old, 309 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,885 (YAWNING) so I was mostly raised by my stepdad, Ron. 310 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,923 That's painfully uninteresting. 311 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,441 How about your mother? 312 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,688 She's been married eight times. Yeah. 313 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,649 She's an incurable romantic. 314 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,324 Are you a romantic? 315 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,686 I guess. 316 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,127 (GROANS) 317 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,406 I mean, I like long walks on the beach. 318 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,050 I like baby talk, I like to cuddle. 319 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,849 Ooh, and I love Nicholas Sparks movies. 320 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,331 Even the one with Miley Cyrus? 321 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,562 That's my favorite one! Bitch, I'm out! 322 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,447 (DUB STEP MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) 323 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,050 JESSE: Cheers. Yeah. 324 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,405 Ooh, that tastes like a white boy on spring break. 325 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,921 I hate him. I'm gonna call him. 326 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,769 You want another drink? 327 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,081 Yes. Drink to forget. 328 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,685 (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 329 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,325 Oh, yeah. (GURGLES) 330 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,891 That tastes horrible. 331 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,008 The Molly must not be crushed up all the way. 332 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,043 Let me fix it for you. 333 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,125 I gotta go to the bathroom. 334 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,440 You gotta what? 335 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,966 I gotta go to the ladies' room. 336 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,884 Huh? I have to take a shit! 337 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,486 (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPS) 338 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,685 (MUSIC CONTINUES) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 339 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,923 Hannah....Hannah, you feeling all right? A little woozy perhaps? 340 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,327 Whoa! Huh? Unable to make good decisions? 341 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:23,367 We should take it to the next level 342 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,726 and you, like, suck my dick. Huh? 343 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,290 Baby, you take it to the next level, 344 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:27,521 you stop feelin' sick, okay? 345 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,683 Oh, my God. You are my bestest friend. 346 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,330 Yes. With benefits. 347 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,290 Ah... Fuck my mouth with your fingers. 348 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:36,601 Fuck! 349 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,450 I'm never gonna get none. 350 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:44,487 I'll fuck you. I ain't gonna like it, but I'll do it. 351 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,329 Listen, I don't fuck white girls, okay? 352 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,044 Nigga, who you callin' white? 353 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,362 She just call me the N word? 354 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,204 Kind of turned me on. 355 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,323 Call me "nigga" again. 356 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,082 Mmm-hmm. (DIAL TONE RINGING) 357 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,321 (EXHALES) 358 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:08,970 (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) 359 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,811 Well, hello there. 360 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,882 Yeah, this is Hannah. 361 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:17,801 Hannah, are you wasted? 362 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,291 Yes, I am wasted. 363 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:22,011 You're a hole-ass, you're might on the roney, 364 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,361 you penis suck of yours. 365 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,525 You sound like Yoda. Listen, I want you to go home right now. 366 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,284 Don't tell me what to do, 367 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,761 Mr. "Oh, let's go for coffee. 368 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,803 "No, stay away from me!" 369 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,326 Let me put this in words you can understand. 370 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,370 (IMITATING YODA) Now, right home you go! 371 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:41,441 No! 372 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:42,961 I told him. 373 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,961 Mmm-hmm. Bitch, you smell like shit. 374 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,610 (SNIFFING) 375 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:51,446 Ugh! 376 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,041 Oh, Hannah! Hannah! Hey, it's cold out here. 377 00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,240 You can't come out like that. 378 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:00,725 Oh, thank you. 379 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,086 How you feelin'? 380 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,850 Just a little bit drunk. 381 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,400 Are you, like, Donald-Trump-running- for-president drunk 382 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,687 or, like, Donald-Trump-saying- he-don't-like-Mexicans drunk? 383 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:09,966 'Cause that's some crazy shit, man. 384 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,327 A lot of Mexicans out there just crossing the border and shit! 385 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,324 And you show them niggas love! Show them niggas love! 386 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:16,401 Can I show you some love? 387 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:17,527 What? No! (EXCLAIMS) 388 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,968 Come on. Come on! Just one kiss, man! 389 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,042 I don't know when you gonna be this drunk again! 390 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,690 Come on, gimme that kiss! 391 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:25,761 Ow! Stop! 392 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,366 Hey! Hey! She said no! Stop! 393 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,241 HANNAH: Christian! 394 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,726 You just push me, nigga? 395 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,248 Oh, you got some crazy shit coming, boy. 396 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:36,721 Wait. Hold up. This nigga comin' back? 397 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,847 Comin' to you, nigga. 398 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,524 He comin' back! (SCREAMS) 399 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,364 (GRUNTS) WOMAN: Damn! 400 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,768 Christian, stay down! 401 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,445 Okay. Okay. 402 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,280 The nigga's a ninja! This nigga's a ninja. 403 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,608 WOMAN: Worldstar! (SPITS) 404 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,604 Bitch! HANNAH: He had such a beautiful face. 405 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,125 Did he leave? 406 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,043 You better run! 407 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,320 Oh, I don't feel so good, Christian. 408 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,440 Come on, let's get you home. 409 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,608 Oh, no, I can't with you, 410 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,769 because my roommate is in there. 411 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:13,249 Don't worry. She's being well taken care of. 412 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:14,890 What's your name again? 413 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,088 My name is Eli. 414 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,731 My friends call me Weekday. 415 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,325 I'm Christian's brother. 416 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,050 Ooh... Mmm... 417 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,168 The poor one. 418 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,287 Mmm-mmm... 419 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,249 I know what you're saying, 420 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:35,167 "Oh, he's financially poor, yet spiritually rich." 421 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,606 Mmm... 422 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,160 Nah, that don't count. What do you feel? 423 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,171 What do you feel? Oh, my God. 424 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,642 When does that end? Oh, my God! 425 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:51,448 The weight of my penis makes my money too heavy to carry around! 426 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:52,686 Yes! 427 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,325 I'll see you later, woman. 428 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:55,761 (MOANS) 429 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,525 Until we meet again. How can I touch you? 430 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,443 I mean, get in touch with you! 431 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,931 My number 432 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,211 is seven. 433 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,281 Oh! 434 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,568 That's a good number. Oh, God. 435 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,165 I'mma call you! 436 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,323 (MOANS SLOWLY) Good morning. 437 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,930 I've been staring at you all night. 438 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,206 I haven't blinked once. 439 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,370 Gosh, my eyes are hurting. 440 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,885 How did I get here? I brought you here, Hannah. 441 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,201 Did you undress me? 442 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:31,850 I sure did. Mmm... 443 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,571 My God, we didn't... 444 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,928 No, we didn't. 445 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,489 And I have the blue balls to prove it. 446 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,089 Look at these things. 447 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,160 (GROANS) 448 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,406 Ugh! 449 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,087 What are those? What the fuck are those? 450 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,765 Oh... It hurts so much. 451 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,410 I don't know what to do! 452 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:51,811 Why are you showing me this? 453 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,891 I ordered you some breakfast. 454 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,087 Here. Eat. You'll need your strength. 455 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:11,086 But you licked this one, and did all sorts of other weird stuff to it. 456 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,925 Can I get a fresh one? Maybe some jam. 457 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,610 No, eat it. (SIGHS) 458 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,001 Why don't you just leave me alone, Christian? 459 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,088 Because I'm incapable of leaving you alone. 460 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:22,050 I'm a certified stalker. 461 00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:23,320 I have four restraining orders, 462 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:25,362 and I'm currently working on a fifth. 463 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:26,965 Listen to me. 464 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,771 I don't do the romance thing. 465 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,602 Anal, yes. Fisting, sure. 466 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,401 Two in the pink, one in the stink, yeah. 467 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,450 I do that. But I don't do romance. 468 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,084 You know, I'd like to bite that lip. 469 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,810 I wish you would. 470 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:49,360 (GROANS) 471 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:50,441 Ow! 472 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:51,681 Ow! Mmm... 473 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:52,886 Oh, my God! 474 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:54,371 (CONTINUES GROANING) 475 00:22:58,200 --> 00:22:59,281 (GASPS) 476 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:01,724 (SIGHING) (SOBS) 477 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,530 Come on, let's get you outta here. 478 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,961 God, that made me wet. Oh! 479 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:12,441 Oh, love it. 480 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,003 Fuck the bullshit. 481 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,605 (BOTH MOANING) 482 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,011 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 483 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,283 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 484 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,323 (MAN CLEARS THROAT) How you doin'? 485 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:42,761 (BOTH MOANING) 486 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,365 CHRISTIAN: Open your eyes. Lizard kisses, come on. 487 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:45,680 (EXCLAIMING) 488 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,725 (MOANING CONTINUES) 489 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,000 Vampire bite! 490 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,127 (SCREAMING) 491 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:58,806 I love it! More! 492 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,120 (SCREAMING) Yes! Yes! 493 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,605 CHRISTIAN: Oh, my God! 494 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,290 (MOANING CONTINUES) 495 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:08,726 (CHOKING) 496 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,604 You shut up and watch. 497 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,205 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 498 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:13,891 Get outta here! 499 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,485 (BOTH GRUNTING) 500 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,011 Excuse me. 501 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,049 I have to warn you, elevators make me horny. 502 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,010 Ooh, Daddy, I want you to write a song about me. 503 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:32,924 I wanna be your muse. 504 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,604 Oh, this is a great time. 505 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,206 I'm inspired to write a song 506 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,611 about you right now. 507 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,523 Ooh, that feels so good. 508 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:45,251 (SINGING) 'Cause I love havin' sex unprotected 509 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:46,361 Ooh. 510 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:50,889 And I love when my dick's in you naked 511 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:52,371 Deeper, Daddy, deeper! Yeah! 512 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,848 Goin' raw in you, you, you�... 513 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:57,285 Yes! Yes! 514 00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:00,728 Goin' raw in you, you, you, you 515 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:04,202 Ooh, I think you going platinum in about two minutes! Oh! 516 00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:07,284 You're infected, yeah 517 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,365 Need antiseptic, yeah 518 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,130 'Cause, girl, you burned it 519 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,441 Ooh, that like an E minor or something? 520 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,443 Oh, you burned it! 521 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,525 Oh, you burned 522 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,364 Ah... You... 523 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:21,885 (SCREAMING) 524 00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:25,361 Ooh, shit. 525 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,169 (GRUNTS) Motherfucker! 526 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,450 You done? I gotta get to church. 527 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:34,961 (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 528 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,201 Hey! Oh. 529 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,480 CHRISTIAN: You two are fucking. 530 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,323 Ooh. (PANTING) Hey, bro. 531 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:43,686 (GLASS SHATTERS) 532 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,969 (CHUCKLES) How you doin'? My brother. 533 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:47,480 My brother, peace and blessings. 534 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,642 Hannah, this is my little brother, Eli. 535 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,365 Little? ELI: Yes. 536 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,761 I'm Eli, like the movie about the book, 537 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:55,126 because I'm deep. 538 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,241 CHRISTIAN: He is deep. 539 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:57,321 Balls deep. 540 00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:58,686 Yeah. 541 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:00,364 Kateesha told me a lot about you. 542 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,568 Yeah, you're like... You're, like, a lot 543 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,483 plainer than I thought you would be. 544 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,403 Well, she plain but pretty. 545 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,729 You're like a brick wall, just boring and rigid... CHRISTIAN: Okay. 546 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,201 And 'gust ashy 'm some phases. 547 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,280 Okay, okay, okay, okay, enough with the small talk. 548 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,041 We have a long drive ahead of us. 549 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,322 We do. Great pleasure. It's been a pleasure. 550 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,730 The moon shall rise again. 551 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,326 Ooh, that so romantic, boo. What that mean? 552 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:29,041 Deuces, bitch. Okay, I got you! I see you later! 553 00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:31,043 Nice meeting you. Bye. 554 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:36,361 All right, so listen. Meet me at the office later. 555 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,130 I have something special planned for you. 556 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,524 Okay? Deuces, bitch. Mmm-hmm. 557 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,443 Who you calling a bitch? Oh, shit! 558 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:43,727 KATEESHA: Damn, girl. 559 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,768 I was just saying. He said it to her, 560 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:46,921 and I thought it was cute. 561 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,041 Mmm. 562 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:50,160 CHRISTIAN: Damn, bitch... I mean, girl. 563 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:02,325 Are you ready for the ride of your life? 564 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,607 Oh, my God! Are we gonna go in your helicopter? 565 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,687 I can't believe you thought I was gonna take you on the chopper. 566 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,209 We haven't even fucked yet. 567 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,641 (LAUGHS) 568 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:21,960 After you. 569 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,849 (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) 570 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,163 Holy shit! You live here? 571 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,049 What, a black man can't have a nice place like this? 572 00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:37,125 No, a black man cannot have a beautiful place like this. 573 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,089 You know, Wesley Snipes had a place like this, 574 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,764 before he stopped doing his own taxes. 575 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:41,841 (CHUCKLES) 576 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:43,486 How about some wine? 577 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:44,686 Yes, please. 578 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:45,761 Okay. 579 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,366 Do you know why I brought you here, Hannah? 580 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,687 I'm assuming to make sweet love. 581 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,366 I don't make love. I fuck. 582 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,488 Hard and quick. 583 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,161 Really quick. 584 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,563 It's like a Ronda Rousey fight. You blink and it's over. 585 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:05,889 (CHUCKLES) Okay. 586 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,321 But first you're gonna have to sign 587 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:09,686 a nondisclosure agreement. 588 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,121 What's that? 589 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,010 It's basically lawyer talk for "shut the fuck up." 590 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,129 Come with me. I'll explain. 591 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,401 A nondisclosure agreement 592 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,490 protects both you and me, but mostly me. 593 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:25,441 (SIGHS) 594 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:29,209 Behind this door is my playroom. 595 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,408 You mean, like, for your PlayStation and stuff? 596 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,728 Ooh. That's a nice key. 597 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:40,606 So tight. 598 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,082 Keyhole don't wanna open! You ready to get opened? 599 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,571 (GRUNTS) 600 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,487 Reload, man! Reload! I told you to reload! 601 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:03,571 I'm an Xbox man myself. 602 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:04,766 Oh, you next, Black! 603 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:05,960 You don't want none of this. 604 00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:07,525 Yo, when you done with Wendy Williams over there, 605 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:09,642 jump on this game so I can shoot you in the face! 606 00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,366 I'm gonna be honest with you, Christian. She's not attractive. 607 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,090 Like, the bitch look like she got lupus. 608 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:15,241 Well, you look like a thumb 609 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:16,924 that's been yanked out of somebody's asshole. 610 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,924 Oh! (LAUGHS) 611 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:23,761 Slam dunk! 612 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,880 That's crazy. That's crazy. 613 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:26,524 Yeah, well, how about... Ha! 614 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,250 I got nothing. 'Cause I'm better than you. 615 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:30,925 Okay, well, I got something 616 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,286 I really wanna show you. 617 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,528 Oh, my God. It's not more broke niggas, is it? 618 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,011 No more broke niggas. No offense. 619 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,811 And don't worry about those ingrown hairs on your penis. 620 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:40,126 We can't see them through your pants. (SNORTS) 621 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:41,804 Don't give her all the dick, bro. 622 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,564 She don't deserve it. Half the dick. 623 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,847 Over there fucking Charles Barkley. 624 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,370 (SIGHS) 625 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,325 Fuck this shit! I'm out! 626 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,121 Please, Ms. Steale. Just keep an open mind. 627 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,525 (DOOR LATCHES) 628 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,089 (CART RATTLES) 629 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,522 Tantalizing. 630 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,564 Got these from my grandma. 631 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:55,768 (MIMICS WHIPPING) 632 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,683 You're a sick motherfucker. 633 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,531 No, Bill Cosby's a sick motherfucker. 634 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:08,726 I'm just a dominant. 635 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,404 What does that have to do with me? 636 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:14,401 I want you to give yourself to me sexually. 637 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,282 Hence all the whips, chains and freaky sex toys. 638 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:20,849 And what would I get out of it? 639 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:22,761 Me. 640 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,569 (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) 641 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,330 Oh, my God! 642 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,331 Ooh. Let me get this straight. Mmm-hmm. 643 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,490 So, you wanna beat me with these paddles... 644 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,528 Whip. Whips. 645 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,165 You wanna chain me to this rack... 646 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,049 Eh... Handcuff. 647 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,367 And humiliate me in unimaginable ways, 648 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,886 and in exchange for all this torture, 649 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:45,570 I get you? 650 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:47,206 Yeah, that's correct. 651 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:48,845 And women go for this? 652 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:50,651 Some women. 653 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:56,210 Wow, It's like Disneyland for grown-ups. Yeah. 654 00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:58,046 So, what do you think? 655 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,561 I'm pretty much cool with anything, 656 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,002 as long as you promise you won't tell my dad I fucked a black guy. 657 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,162 So, what do you think? 658 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,048 Two things. Where's the cup, 659 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:13,849 and when do we eat shit? 660 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,842 What we supposed to do in here? 661 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,765 Well, I thought we'd start with a little bit of rope play. 662 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:24,521 No! 663 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,486 Okay, well, how about I just mount you 664 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,403 to that rack over there and spank you? 665 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,124 Hell to the no! 666 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,201 Perhaps a little bit of flogging? 667 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:36,011 I don't even know what the hell flogging means, 668 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,128 so fuck to the no! 669 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:40,760 (SIGHS) Okay, well, what are we supposed to do then? 670 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,485 You need to find Jesus! That's what you can do. 671 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,121 Okay, here's how it goes. 672 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,726 I've drafted a standard contract that lays out the terms. 673 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,481 Lots of sex, we have more sex. 674 00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,562 Yadda-yadda, we end with sex. 675 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,010 You look it over, and you negotiate what you're willing to do. 676 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:02,404 I hate to throw a monkey wrench 677 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,164 into the whole works here, 678 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:06,481 but I... 679 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:07,641 You have low self-esteem? 680 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,484 No. I... 681 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:11,449 You have daddy issues. 682 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,166 No. 683 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:17,328 What I'm trying to tell you is, I'm a... 684 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:18,447 (GASPS) 685 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,250 A virgin? Yeah. 686 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,444 Man! I can't believe this! 687 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:27,486 I don't understand! 688 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,410 Okay, tell me you've done something. 689 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:31,606 Blowjob? 690 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,280 Where does the blowing come in? Finger pop? 691 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,522 No. Angry panda? 692 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,126 Why is it angry? Why did you ask that? 693 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,843 Oh, my God! Okay, tell me you've done anal. 694 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,160 I know how it goes. 695 00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:46,647 You let guys put it in your little rusty bullet hole 696 00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:48,205 so you can tell your mama and your pastor 697 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:49,520 that you're still a virgin. 698 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:51,250 I've just been waiting. 699 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:52,651 For what? 700 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,007 Girl, you are 20-something years old! 701 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,805 It don't get no better. It's going to spoil! 702 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:02,569 It's fermenting down there. Just fermenting. Okay? 703 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,642 You gonna tell me nobody wanted the pussy? 704 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:08,886 Well, I just am very selective about who I've wanted to... 705 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:10,041 Oh, selective? 706 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:11,600 Oh, that sound like something somebody 707 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:13,449 with a pussy that nobody wanted would say. 708 00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,409 Hey. Don't get me wrong. 709 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,290 I don't want it all worn out like an old washing machine belt 710 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,648 or hanging like wet straps in a car wash 711 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:25,645 or flapping around like an inflatable figure outside of a mattress store. 712 00:34:25,720 --> 00:34:28,007 But I want it to have some experience. 713 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:31,366 Okay, look. 714 00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,364 We're gonna fix this situation. Right now. 715 00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,842 I've been waiting my whole life for this. 716 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,240 Come on. 717 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:42,481 Yes! 718 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,408 Oh... Very... 719 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,490 Very Sasquatch of you. 720 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,688 Have you never had sex with a virgin before? 721 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,125 Not a hairy one. 722 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,091 (WHISTLING) 723 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,207 (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) 724 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,650 Ow! You nicked me! 725 00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:14,721 Shh... 726 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,044 What the hell? 727 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,882 Oh, yeah, I have an outie. 728 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,165 (SNIFFS) Oh, wow! 729 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:31,086 Whoa! 730 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,691 That got flavor! 731 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:36,609 What? You're the first person who's seen it. 732 00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:38,404 Little Eskimo kisses? (EXCLAIMING) 733 00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:39,926 (GIGGLES) 734 00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:42,891 Ooh, I never had anyone do that to it before. 735 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,247 Ooh! Watch the teeth! Sorry. 736 00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:02,844 (BOTH CHUCKLES) 737 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,331 Got him. 738 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:06,411 Okay. 739 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:09,081 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 740 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:18,491 (SNIFFING) 741 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,682 (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) (GROANS) 742 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,444 Sorry. I didn't have time to shower. 743 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:23,601 Shit! 744 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:40,481 (MOUTHING) Thank you. 745 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,090 (LATEX STRETCHING) (LATEX SNAPS) 746 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,491 Ooh! 747 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:46,963 Okay. You ready? 748 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,806 I'm gonna take you to a whole 'nother galaxy! 749 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:51,530 Oh, my God, I'm coming! 750 00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:53,125 (YELLING) 751 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,520 Oh, God! (SCREAMING) 752 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,848 God! God! God! God! 753 00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:05,324 Whoo! Already? 754 00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:06,885 (GROANS) 755 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,131 Oh, that was amazing. 756 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,246 Really? I guess I was expecting something 757 00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,086 (SIGHS) different. 758 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,640 Don't worry about it. It's your first time. Don't sweat it. 759 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,130 You'll get better with experience. Just keep working on it. 760 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,046 Oh, you know, it's customary for a woman 761 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:25,810 to make a man an oversized sandwich 762 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,166 to help him regain his strength. 763 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,882 Either that or some leftover pizza, or maybe a Hot Pocket. 764 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,002 You want me to make you a Hot Pocket now? 765 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,203 I don't make the rules, I'm just telling you. 766 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,809 (SIGHS) You got a lot to learn, kid. 767 00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:39,767 Mmm... 768 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,408 (SNORING) 769 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:45,090 Are you asleep already? 770 00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,365 Nigga! 771 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:48,566 Ugh! 772 00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:58,171 (MOANS SLOWLY) 773 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:07,450 (SIGHS) 774 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:16,051 (MUFFLED SCREAMING) 775 00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:17,565 CLAIRE: Christian? 776 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,050 Christian! Oh, shit! 777 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:22,246 Who the fuck is that? 778 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,289 My mother. 779 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:26,602 Oh! (CHUCKLES) 780 00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:28,686 Great. 781 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,889 Now I gotta get rid of two crazy bitches. Fuck. 782 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:34,885 Mother! 783 00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:37,088 Ah, Christian. Hello. 784 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:40,084 Oh, you better get dressed, or we're gonna be late for the regatta. 785 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:41,969 I forgot that was today. 786 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:43,570 (SIGHS) You're not doing crack again, are you? 787 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,329 No, Mother. I never raised you that way. 788 00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:48,324 However, it is a prominent trait in your genealogical pool. 789 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:49,526 Hello. 790 00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:51,762 I'm standing my ground! I'm standing my ground! 791 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:52,841 (GIBBERISH) 792 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:55,251 (THUDDING) Oh, shit! 793 00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,164 Mother, what're you doing? That's Hannah Steale! 794 00:38:58,240 --> 00:38:59,446 (SIGHS) (HANNAH GROANING) 795 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,250 How many times I gotta tell you? Black lives matter. 796 00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:02,810 Come on, let's get you up. 797 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,522 Hannah, this is my mother, Claire. Oh. 798 00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,400 I am so sorry, Hannah. (WHISTLES) 799 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:14,485 Oh, my, you have beautiful breasts. 800 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,489 I would've thought they'd be more droopy, 801 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:18,443 like a sock with a rock in the toe, 802 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:20,807 like in those National Geographic magazines. 803 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,246 (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) 804 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,084 You're gonna have to forgive my mother's behavior. 805 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:28,210 Sometimes she can be factually inaccurate and quite racist. 806 00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:30,169 Do not apologize for me, Christian. 807 00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:31,730 I am your mother, and I love you 808 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:33,529 like you were my own white child. 809 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:35,642 But I still hide my wallet at night, just in case. 810 00:39:35,720 --> 00:39:37,210 As you should, Mother. 811 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,328 It is awesome to meet you. 812 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,768 Are you two dating? Oh, no, Mother, we're not dating. 813 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,524 We're just fucking. Hard. 814 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,927 And quick. Apparently, it's the best way. 815 00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,563 Well, I just can't tell you how pleased l am to meet you, Hannah. 816 00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:55,247 I mean, you're the first woman I've seen Christian with. 817 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:56,810 I assumed that he was... 818 00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,204 What would Oprah say? "On the DL?" 819 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:01,641 (CLEARS THROAT) 820 00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:03,321 Christian, you can do so much better. 821 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,447 Oh, Mother. 822 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:06,170 You're one of the richest, most handsome men in the world. 823 00:40:06,240 --> 00:40:07,480 You could date white women. 824 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,085 Like Tiger Woods and Seal. 825 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:10,969 Okay, it's time for you to go, Mother. 826 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:15,170 Or like Taye Diggs or Quincy Jones. Or even Ice-T. 827 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:19,451 Hannah, Christian's Chinese sister, Mai, has come to town, 828 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:20,971 so we're gonna hide the cats 829 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:22,326 and have the family over for dinner. 830 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,442 You should come. I'd be delighted. 831 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:25,806 It was really nice to meet you. 832 00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:27,689 Okay, great. Time to go, Mom. 833 00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:30,247 Oh... 834 00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:32,562 Now, where is my wallet? 835 00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,369 Still there. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) 836 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:36,169 You just never know. Yeah. 837 00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:38,767 CHRISTIAN: Mmm... 838 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:40,683 They're delicious. Mmm. 839 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:42,247 All right. 840 00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:45,809 We had breakfast. Time to go. 841 00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,366 (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) Ooh, look, your Uber's here. All right. 842 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:52,531 (GROANS) 843 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,204 Okay, what? 844 00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:56,567 Spit it out. 845 00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,088 Well, how did you get into this whole 846 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,362 dominant-submissive thing? (SIGHS) 847 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,687 It was one of my mother's really close friends, 848 00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:06,444 and my music teacher. 849 00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:08,804 I was 16. 850 00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:11,560 She was older. 851 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,006 MRS. ROBINSON: Don't look so nervous, Christian. 852 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:28,847 All I ask is that you do your very best. 853 00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:31,931 I thought I was supposed to be here for music lessons. 854 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,570 Baby, you are. 855 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:39,089 And your lesson starts right here. 856 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:44,642 Hey, hey. Ooh. Snap. 857 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:46,729 We got a regular John Holmes here, 858 00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,483 without the big dick and the stamina! 859 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:52,923 Okay! Again! One, two, three! 860 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:54,650 (GRUNTS) (SOBS) Ow! 861 00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:55,846 Do you know why I hit you in the head 862 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:57,206 with that tambourine, Black? 863 00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:58,486 I have no idea. 864 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:00,280 Well, were you rushing or were you dragging? 865 00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:01,805 I... I thought I was fucking. 866 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:04,121 Oh! That wasn't fucking! 867 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:06,604 Now, count off. 868 00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:08,965 One, two... 869 00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:11,169 Was I rushing or was I dragging? 870 00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,567 Answer the question! (SOBBING) You were rushing! 871 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:17,203 Is that a tear? Oh! Poor little guy. 872 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,567 Are you upset? I'm upset. 873 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:24,208 You worthless, adopted, unloved little piece of shit! 874 00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:29,408 Weeping and slobbering over my vagina like a 9-year-old girl! 875 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,767 Now, for the last father-fucking time, 876 00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,924 say it louder so I can hear it! I'm upset! 877 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,765 Oh, Black, get off the bed! You make me sick. 878 00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:39,888 But I'm upset. Get off the bed! 879 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:43,163 You're not ready for this! I'm ready! 880 00:42:43,240 --> 00:42:44,401 MRS. ROBINSON: Ugh! 881 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,608 Willy? Willy, you're up next. 882 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:48,407 Willy? 883 00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,528 You better get your shit together, Black! 884 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:53,331 You're not gonna amount to anything, sexually or musically. 885 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:54,890 And you know what the biggest 886 00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:56,803 disappointment of all is to me? 887 00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,846 I thought all you black men had rhythm and a big dick! 888 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,209 Boy, was I mistaken! 889 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:04,327 (SOBBING) 890 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,129 I have rhythm! 891 00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:11,651 You're all set, Ms. Steale. Courtesy of Mr. Black. 892 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:16,046 What the heck? 893 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:17,525 (CAMERAS WHIRRING) 894 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,446 HANNAH: What is that? Is that a drone? 895 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:25,004 All right, just sign here. 896 00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,322 Thank you very much. 897 00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:34,966 (DOOR CLOSES) 898 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,441 Ooh, girl, another gift? 899 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,127 Damn, you must be giving that bomb head! 900 00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:45,322 Wait a minute, is that a Retina display MacBook Pro? 901 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,289 Bitch, you lickin' that butthole! 902 00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:48,805 I didn't lick a butthole! 903 00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:50,291 Shit, you lucky, girl. 904 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:54,126 Like, I licked six buttholes last week! I got a Dell! 905 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:56,046 Desktop! 906 00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,043 I can't take that shit anywhere, girl. 907 00:43:58,320 --> 00:43:59,481 Hey, the mail come already? 908 00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:00,721 HANNAH: No. 909 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:04,964 It's just a weird sex contract Christian wants me to sign. 910 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:09,125 You sign that, but then you get that paper, boo, all right? 911 00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:13,205 A bitch gotta get hers. You keep licking that bootie, okay? 912 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:35,771 (HONKING) 913 00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:50,402 (SCREAMS) We're done? 914 00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:52,722 Wha... Yeah, I read your text. 915 00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,201 Wow face, sparkly diamond, poop? 916 00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:56,361 Like, what does that even mean? 917 00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,204 You got me all fucked up with your emojis, like... 918 00:44:58,280 --> 00:44:59,520 Hey, how did you get in here? 919 00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:01,045 Does it matter? 920 00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:02,240 Yes, actually it does matter, 921 00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:04,044 because you don't live here and you don't have a key. 922 00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:08,489 (SCOFFS) You don't need a key to get in a hamper, Hannah. 923 00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:10,449 Here, now, help me outta here. 924 00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,090 You're lucky I wasn't in your medicine cabinet, 925 00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:15,850 or your jewelry box. 926 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,081 I tried to hide in your nightstand, 927 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,162 but you had this Gideon Bible in there and I couldn't fit. 928 00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:20,446 (PANTING) 929 00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,007 Wait a minute, did you break in through that window? 930 00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:24,080 This one? 931 00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:25,849 Oh, no, that could've been anybody. 932 00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:29,608 The brick on the ground says "Property of Christian Black." 933 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,205 "Christian..." 934 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,647 (STAMMERS) Yeah, yeah, it does. 935 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,964 But, I mean, that could belong to any black Christian, right? 936 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,280 I mean, okay, shh... 937 00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:42,130 Enough with the interrogation. 938 00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:44,726 Come here. 939 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:46,609 (GROANS) 940 00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:50,366 (SHUSHING) 941 00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,649 (PANPIPES PLAYING) 942 00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,371 Do not move, 943 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,891 or I'll be forced to punish you. 944 00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:33,606 (SPITTING) 945 00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,090 (GIGGLING SLOWLY) 946 00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:41,051 I said don't move! 947 00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:42,121 Okay. 948 00:46:42,720 --> 00:46:43,721 Ooh! 949 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:47,327 That feels weird. What is that? It's so hairy. 950 00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:51,241 (GASPS) 951 00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:58,922 Yeah! Yes! 952 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,526 Wait, wait, wait, don't move. Don't, don't... 953 00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:11,521 (GRUNTS) (GROANS) 954 00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:15,089 Damn it, that shit was cold! 955 00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:20,607 Are you ready, Ms. Steale? 956 00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:21,761 Yes, Christian. 957 00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:31,327 Ooh! 958 00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:32,845 You brought a condom, right? 959 00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,285 A condom? Yeah. 960 00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:38,124 Oh... Okay. Yeah, of course! 961 00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:40,362 Of course I got a condom. Hold on one second. 962 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:41,840 God damn it! 963 00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:45,687 Just knowing you care enough to use protection excites me. 964 00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,404 Aha! Old trusty dusty! 965 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,250 (CHUCKLES) 966 00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:52,963 "March, 1982?" Aw, hell no. 967 00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:55,808 Yeah, I got one right here! Found it! 968 00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,411 Here, let me open it up so you can hear it. 969 00:47:59,720 --> 00:48:01,131 (MIMICS PLASTIC WRAPPER TEARING) 970 00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:02,440 (SMACKS LIPS RAPIDLY) 971 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:03,965 (MIMICS LATEX SNAPPING) 972 00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:07,490 Okay. 973 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:11,121 I'm just gonna scoot these little bad boys to the side. 974 00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,245 Oh! And then I'm gonna park this right there. 975 00:48:14,720 --> 00:48:16,882 Oh, my God, it feels so natural. 976 00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:19,201 It's like you're not wearing anything at all! 977 00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,089 It's lambskin foreskin. 978 00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:23,686 (BOTH MOANING) 979 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,364 Oh! Just relax. What? 980 00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:26,960 No, not you. Now I'm talking to myself. 981 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,002 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 982 00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:31,763 Okay? Oh... Ready? 983 00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:34,244 (BOTH GRUNTING) 984 00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:37,049 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (HANNAH SCREAMS) 985 00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:40,683 That was like two strokes! 986 00:48:42,240 --> 00:48:44,447 This nigga's back here settin' records! 987 00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:46,682 They gonna put me on a Wheaties box! Oh! 988 00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:48,364 Thank God you're wearing a condom. 989 00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,007 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) I know, 'cause, boy, 990 00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:52,969 we wouldn't want to get you pregnant, right? 991 00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:56,408 I know. I'm not even taking any birth control and I'm ovulating. 992 00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:58,323 Did I tell you that twins run in my family? 993 00:48:58,400 --> 00:48:59,526 (MOUTHING) Twins? 994 00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:01,090 My sister had sextuplets. 995 00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:02,161 Sextu... 996 00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:07,081 Oh, really? Let me just get an after-sex mint. 997 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:09,405 Here, Hannah, here. 998 00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:11,323 Have one of these. Here you go. 999 00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:12,606 Yeah. 1000 00:49:12,720 --> 00:49:14,688 Ugh! It tastes weird. All done? 1001 00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:15,886 BOTH: Ah! 1002 00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,722 Good girl. Phew! 1003 00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:46,366 (CHUCKLES) 1004 00:49:58,200 --> 00:49:59,611 Shall we begin, Ms. Steale? 1005 00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:02,241 Page one, paragraph one. 1006 00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:04,251 This must change! 1007 00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:06,725 There's a typo in the header. 1008 00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:09,967 That's it? 1009 00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,964 Mr. Black, I will end this negotiation right now! 1010 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,649 My apologies. (CLEARS THROAT) 1011 00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:18,243 Page four, section 13-20. 1012 00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:20,841 With regards to anal fisfing�. 1013 00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,680 Is there a problem? Absolutely not. 1014 00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:24,841 (GASPS) 1015 00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:26,445 And strike out vaginal fisting. 1016 00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:27,760 I mean, if you're gonna do anal, 1017 00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:30,690 you're obviously gonna have vaginal fisting. I mean, it's a given. 1018 00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:32,285 Oh, for sure. I will put that... 1019 00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:34,442 I'm putting that in there in bold. 1020 00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:38,889 Next page, sex toys. "Are they acceptable to the submissive?" 1021 00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:42,967 Dildos, I guess. Butt plugs, fine. 1022 00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:44,321 Fuck yeah! Whoa, whoa, whoa... 1023 00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:45,526 How did this slip through the cracks? 1024 00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:46,726 What's with the genital clamps? 1025 00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:48,802 Sorry, Ms. Steale, I... 1026 00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:50,769 I can't seem to find those in my... 1027 00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:52,968 Because you forgot to put them in there. 1028 00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:55,490 (CHUCKLES) Rookie move, Mr. Black. 1029 00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:57,606 Silly me. 1030 00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:05,041 (SIGHS) 1031 00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:08,602 Let's be clear. I will not share you with another woman. 1032 00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:12,321 I require at least two or three. Five. 1033 00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:14,129 Seven. Seven it is. 1034 00:51:14,240 --> 00:51:16,481 You're not gonna shortchange me, Mr. Black. 1035 00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:18,802 You drive a hard bargain, Ms. Steale. 1036 00:51:19,240 --> 00:51:21,163 Thank you. You know, Ms. Steale, 1037 00:51:21,240 --> 00:51:23,527 I'd like to fuck you into the middle of next month. 1038 00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,082 Silly. You couldn't fuck me 1039 00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:27,889 into the middle of the next minute. 1040 00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:29,849 I'll fuck you into a different galaxy. 1041 00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,082 You'll be like, "Oh, shit, it's cold in Pluto!" 1042 00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:34,686 Yeah, well, I'm gonna fuck you at the Stephen Hawking exhibit. 1043 00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:36,091 And I'm gonna ram your ass so hard 1044 00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:38,447 that I cause a tear in the time-space continuum. 1045 00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:39,920 I'll fuck you through slavery times, 1046 00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:41,325 and you'll get your freedom papers. 1047 00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,244 Yeah, well, I'm gonna rent me a DeLorean 1048 00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:44,765 and fuck you back to the future. 1049 00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:46,524 I'll fuck you into a whole 'nother planet, 1050 00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:48,005 where that insect is from Men in Black. 1051 00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,367 You'll be like, "Oh, shit! How many times you fuck me?" 1052 00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:52,966 Three million, 746 hundred million times. 1053 00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:54,087 And you'd be like, "Why?" 1054 00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:56,162 And I'd be like, "Shut up," and I hit you with the neuron, like... 1055 00:51:56,240 --> 00:51:57,401 (MAKES SHOOTING NOISE) 1056 00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:00,045 You'd be like, 1057 00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,645 "Oh, my God, why is my vagina so sore?" 1058 00:52:03,720 --> 00:52:05,768 And I'd be like, "You fell." 1059 00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:08,802 Well played, Mr. Black. 1060 00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,041 I've done this before. 1061 00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:15,164 And he's a major beneficiary of our university. 1062 00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:18,130 Interestingly enough, he donates all cash. 1063 00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:22,008 Usually in ones, fives, twenties, 1064 00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,243 the odd rolled-up $100 bill that's got a little bit of powder on it. 1065 00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:28,251 Please welcome Mr. Christian Black. 1066 00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,482 (ALL APPLAUDING) 1067 00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,291 What you talkin' 'bout my business, huh? Don't get cut. 1068 00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:41,961 Thank you. Let's talk about life and your purpose. 1069 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:47,327 You all spent four hard years in this school getting your diploma, 1070 00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:50,529 putting your parents in debt, 1071 00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:51,601 for what? 1072 00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:56,250 Between global warming and the world economy crashing, 1073 00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:59,204 I don't even know why you're trying to better yourselves. 1074 00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:02,449 Give up hope! Think about it. 1075 00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:04,443 You are wasting time. 1076 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:07,291 You. You're a drug addict waiting to happen. 1077 00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:10,569 Look at you. You can't wait to get outta here and smoke some weed. 1078 00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:13,291 And you! You are a stripper! 1079 00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:16,246 Your ass is twerkin' as I'm sitting here talking. 1080 00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,084 You can find the rhythm in anything. 1081 00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:19,401 And you, sir. 1082 00:53:19,720 --> 00:53:22,644 Well, you're white. You'll be fine. 1083 00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:25,687 So, in closing, I would like to say, 1084 00:53:26,240 --> 00:53:29,687 "Thank God I'm not you." 1085 00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:33,965 Kateesha! Oh, my God, we did it! (SQUEALING) Girl! 1086 00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:35,246 I'm so proud of you. 1087 00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:37,288 Who you telling? I was close, girl. 1088 00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:41,928 I was one hand job away from losing valedictorian to that bitch, 1089 00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:43,570 Lindsey Hung, right? 1090 00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:45,404 What are you talking... Shut up. 1091 00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:47,649 I see that bitch, she talkin' shit. 1092 00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:49,565 She gonna need a gynecologist 1093 00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,927 when I'm done fucking that bitch up! All right! 1094 00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:53,565 Girl, I'll see you later. 1095 00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:55,210 I'mma go punch a bitch in the throat. 1096 00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:57,402 Lindsey! You bilingual bitch! 1097 00:53:57,600 --> 00:53:58,886 (CRASHING) So proud of you. 1098 00:53:59,720 --> 00:54:00,846 Hannah! 1099 00:54:00,920 --> 00:54:01,921 (SHRIEKS) Dad! 1100 00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:03,161 (LAUGHING) 1101 00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:04,651 I'm so happy to see you. 1102 00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:06,967 Oh! I'm so proud of you. 1103 00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:09,487 You know, I thought you'd turn out not to be shit. 1104 00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:11,244 But you ended up looking real good, 1105 00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,084 being that you from a drunken whore. 1106 00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:16,289 Oh, yeah. Yeah, your mama's over at the rehab. 1107 00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:18,442 Twenty-seven times is the fucking charm. 1108 00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:20,483 Isn't it? Yeah, it's the fucking charm. 1109 00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:21,925 Hey, where are my other stepdads? 1110 00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,604 Right over there. 1111 00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:26,848 Jonny Quest, B.B. King. 1112 00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:28,604 I don't know who that nigga is with his shirt off. 1113 00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:30,364 That must be your birth daddy. 1114 00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:33,530 Yeah, it's all good. What a great bunch of guys. (CHUCKLES) 1115 00:54:33,720 --> 00:54:36,405 And you know the old saying, "It takes a village." 1116 00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:38,608 And it's true. Especially when it comes 1117 00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:40,205 to your mom being a gutter slut 1118 00:54:40,600 --> 00:54:42,409 and the village is a gangbang. 1119 00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:43,521 (LAUGHING) 1120 00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:45,847 The village is a gangbang. Hannah! 1121 00:54:46,720 --> 00:54:47,846 Hi! 1122 00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:50,169 Hey, hey, hey, hold up, player! 1123 00:54:50,240 --> 00:54:52,447 Shit, how you gonna walk up and kiss the girl that I raised? 1124 00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:53,931 What kind of shit is this? 1125 00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:57,209 Ron, this is my boyfriend, Christian Black. 1126 00:54:57,720 --> 00:54:58,926 Boyfriend! 1127 00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:00,650 Ron, to be honest with you, 1128 00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:01,920 I just fucked her a few times. 1129 00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:05,124 "Boyfriend" makes it sound serious, like I went raw. 1130 00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:06,645 I mean, I might've dipped, but... 1131 00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:08,131 Are you thinkin' about marrying her? 1132 00:55:08,240 --> 00:55:09,321 No. 1133 00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:10,561 What if she get pregnant? 1134 00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,007 Still no, but hell no. 1135 00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:17,320 I like this fella! 1136 00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:18,401 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1137 00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:19,970 I like this nigga right here. 1138 00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:21,326 I fucks with your stepdad. 1139 00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:22,731 You know what, from player to player, 1140 00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:24,285 Black, I really like you, man. 1141 00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:27,204 You can fuck anybody you wanna fuck. Thank you. 1142 00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:30,682 Yeah, just don't pass her around like we did her mama. 1143 00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,762 That's all I ask you to do. Yes, sir, out of respect. 1144 00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:34,763 We passed her mama around like a baton, man. 1145 00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:35,887 Yeah. 1146 00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:37,371 You never told me that about your mother. 1147 00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:39,681 Your mother fucked everybody in the neighborhood, 1148 00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:42,161 and then wanted to settle down with me, and I went for it. 1149 00:55:42,240 --> 00:55:43,730 You know what, I gotta hang out with you, man, 1150 00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:45,768 get your knowledge, man, 'cause you got a lot of wisdom. 1151 00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,161 I got a lot of wisdom and I been through a lot, 1152 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:49,805 and I done been with a lot of hos 1153 00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:52,929 and the smells that's on my fingers 1154 00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:54,804 over all the years... Oh, shit! What! 1155 00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,247 Still there. Never went away. Oh! Damn! 1156 00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:00,604 Wow, sir! I smelled every last single one of them! 1157 00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:01,761 Yes, man. 1158 00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:04,730 It was like beautiful and horrible at the same time. 1159 00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:06,888 I've stuck my hands in some of 1160 00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:09,361 the nastiest bitches' pants all over the world. 1161 00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:10,487 Really? 1162 00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:13,404 Asia, Malaysia, Congo. Hmm. 1163 00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:15,530 (SNIFFS) That's Dubai right there. 1164 00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,324 Wow, I smell the hair. 1165 00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,961 Touched a bitch's booty hole in Dubai at the airport. 1166 00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:22,202 I bet you could probably spit a lot of game to me, my nigga. 1167 00:56:22,280 --> 00:56:23,566 Let's take a picture, let me get a picture 1168 00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:24,880 of me and you. Make it a selfie. 1169 00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:26,080 No, no, baby. Just me and him. 1170 00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:28,726 Ready? One, two, three. Nigga! (SHUTTER CLICKS) 1171 00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:34,731 Where are we going? 1172 00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:38,086 Congratulations, Hannah. 1173 00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:39,810 That's a car. 1174 00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:41,611 With a broken window? 1175 00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:42,920 Do you like it? 1176 00:56:46,120 --> 00:56:49,408 Yeah. It's nice. 1177 00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,320 You know what I went through to steal this car? 1178 00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:55,085 I mean... (CLEARS THROAT) The car was a steal. 1179 00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:56,607 (SIGHS) 1180 00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:58,883 Did you just roll your eyes at me? No. 1181 00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:00,684 Listen, there's only two things I hate, 1182 00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,207 when you roll your eyes at me and Craisins. 1183 00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:07,810 Like, what is a Craisin? It's not a cranberry, it's not a raisin. 1184 00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:09,530 Like, it doesn't even make sense. 1185 00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:10,601 (SIGHS) 1186 00:57:10,720 --> 00:57:13,246 You just rolled your eyes at me again! No, I didn't. 1187 00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:15,288 Yes, you did. I have it on tape. 1188 00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:16,771 Check this out. Look at this. 1189 00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:21,850 Oh, what's she doing? She's rolling her eye. Look at that. 1190 00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:24,962 How did you do that? Come on, you, with me, now. 1191 00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:26,087 But... 1192 00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:28,401 Teach you a little lesson about rolling your eyes. Come on. 1193 00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:29,481 (DOOR SHUTS) 1194 00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:33,841 Oh. 1195 00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:37,321 Now, do you know why I'm gonna punish you? 1196 00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:40,040 Because you're a sicko who likes abusing women. 1197 00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:43,569 While there may be some truth to that, that's not the reason. 1198 00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:46,004 Because I rolled my eyes. 1199 00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:47,161 Bingo. 1200 00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:50,721 Oh! 1201 00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:57,883 This is gonna hurt you a whole lot more than it's gonna hurt me. 1202 00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:04,084 Ha! (SIGHS) 1203 00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:06,487 Welcome to my world. 1204 00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:10,165 Oh, God! Fuck! 1205 00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:12,882 Ooh, that hurt! Oh! 1206 00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:14,446 Did you do it? 1207 00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:16,927 (GRUNTING) Ow. 1208 00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,851 Okay, 15 across, "winter beverage." 1209 00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:22,082 Nothing? You don't feel nothing? 1210 00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:24,246 I love knitting. 1211 00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,084 (INHALING) 1212 00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:28,242 (EXHALES LOUDLY) 1213 00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:30,443 (GRUNTS) 1214 00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:33,609 Are you gonna spank me? All this build-up is getting boring. 1215 00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:35,364 Okay, okay, you wanna play? 1216 00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:37,044 Oh, I got something for you. 1217 00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:38,246 Excuse me. 1218 00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:44,162 Enough of your games. It's about to get real dark in here. 1219 00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:45,321 Sure. 1220 00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:47,486 (METAL CLANGS) 1221 00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:49,370 Are you gonna find something that actually works? 1222 00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:52,091 Big brother almighty! 1223 00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,520 Whoo! 1224 00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,128 (YELLING) 1225 00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:58,528 That was my sorority paddle! 1226 00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:00,166 Oh! 1227 00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:02,244 You know, Hannah, 1228 00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:05,204 I didn't wanna have to do this to you, 1229 00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:07,723 but you've been a naughty girl. 1230 00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:09,370 (INHALES DEEPLY) 1231 00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:14,043 Did you break my fucking stool? 1232 00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:15,687 No. 1233 00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:19,328 I think I'm pretty good at this. 1234 00:59:19,520 --> 00:59:21,568 (PANTING) 1235 00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:24,481 Oh... 1236 00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:26,722 I don't... I don't understand. 1237 00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,929 I fucking hit you with everything. I don't get it. 1238 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,126 Don't feel bad. 1239 00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:32,725 I haven't really felt anything down there 1240 00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:33,961 since I got my butt implants. 1241 00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:37,408 I'll just... I'll see you back at my place tomorrow. Yeah. 1242 00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:58,849 When you're in this room, you do as I say. 1243 01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:02,362 Is that understood? Yes. 1244 01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:04,408 Yes, who? Yes, sir. 1245 01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:05,721 Good girl. 1246 01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:08,891 Hands up. 1247 01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:25,686 Turn around. On your knees. 1248 01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:27,800 Stay. 1249 01:00:36,120 --> 01:00:37,167 (GROANS) 1250 01:00:37,520 --> 01:00:38,521 Don't look at me! 1251 01:00:52,720 --> 01:00:54,324 Raise your hand. 1252 01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:10,646 (CHUCKLES SLOWLY) 1253 01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:11,767 Did that hurt? 1254 01:01:11,840 --> 01:01:13,001 No. 1255 01:01:13,600 --> 01:01:18,447 Sometimes the pain is in your mind. 1256 01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:25,728 (WHOOSHING) 1257 01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:38,205 (YELLS) God damn it! Motherfuck! 1258 01:01:38,440 --> 01:01:42,161 And sometimes the pain is not in your mind! 1259 01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:44,328 (WHOOPING) 1260 01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:48,720 Jerk! 1261 01:01:52,560 --> 01:01:55,928 CHRISTIAN: I have a very important question to ask you, Ms. Steale. 1262 01:01:56,760 --> 01:01:58,762 Where is Bin Laden? What? 1263 01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:03,483 Where is Bin Laden? When was the last time you saw Bin Laden? 1264 01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:05,688 Where is he? (SPITTING) 1265 01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:07,569 (SOBBING) I don't know! 1266 01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:09,961 He's been dead for five years! 1267 01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:11,923 I don't keep up on current events! 1268 01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:13,889 (HANNAH GROANING) 1269 01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:20,120 And now the real torture begins. 1270 01:02:20,200 --> 01:02:21,725 (SCREAMS) (CHUCKLES) 1271 01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:22,921 Where were we? 1272 01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:24,645 (SCREAMING) 1273 01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:28,321 (SOBBING) I can't remember the safe word. 1274 01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:30,370 Chapter 23. 1275 01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:32,568 (SCREAMS) (SIGHS) 1276 01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:35,803 "It was a cold, gloomy day in Seattle." 1277 01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:40,085 Oh, God, this book is 50 shades of fucking terrible. 1278 01:02:40,160 --> 01:02:41,400 (HANNAH SOBBING) 1279 01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:43,369 Who wrote this, a third-grader? 1280 01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:46,006 Please go back to the water-torture thing! 1281 01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:47,770 (GIGGLING) 1282 01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:51,971 (HANNAH SCREAMING) 1283 01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:53,889 What's the safe word? Stop it! 1284 01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:55,246 What's your safe word? 1285 01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:56,526 I don't know. 1286 01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:59,646 Please just... Are you gonna let me down now? 1287 01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:01,131 Yes, Ms. Steale. 1288 01:03:04,280 --> 01:03:07,489 If I could just find these keys. 1289 01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:11,124 You didn't see the keys... No, I know where they are. I just... 1290 01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:13,441 God, my arms are really starting to hurt. 1291 01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:15,005 I got an idea. (GROANS) 1292 01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:18,531 See, most people use a universal lock key in their sex dungeons 1293 01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:19,965 for reasons just like this. Hmm. 1294 01:03:20,040 --> 01:03:22,407 But what you got here is an over-molded swivel key. 1295 01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:23,680 All right, that's a custom job. 1296 01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:24,767 You're gonna need somebody else 1297 01:03:24,840 --> 01:03:25,807 to take a look at this. (CHRISTIAN GROANS) 1298 01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:27,609 Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. 1299 01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:29,609 Next time, I'd put one of those tracker app things on the key 1300 01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:30,841 so you don't lose it. 1301 01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:32,684 What are they called? Oh, I know the name. 1302 01:03:32,760 --> 01:03:35,366 It's on the tip of my tongue. It starts with a 1303 01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:36,771 Ta... Maybe Ten? 1304 01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:38,171 Telepathy? 1305 01:03:38,240 --> 01:03:40,971 Hey, dipshits, it's called a Tile. 1306 01:03:41,080 --> 01:03:42,809 (ALL EXCLAIMING) Tile! 1307 01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:44,001 Holy shit, you're good! 1308 01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:45,127 OFFICER COOPER: You went to college! 1309 01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:46,201 DAN SULLIVAN: Hell yeah! 1310 01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:47,611 JOE MILLS: Come on! 1311 01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:48,841 I've picked a lot of locks in my day, 1312 01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:50,729 but I've never seen anything like this. 1313 01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:52,848 Man, it's impressive. Thank you. 1314 01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:55,446 Yeah. I got nothing. Who's next? 1315 01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:58,131 Who's next? What are you guys, Ocean's Eleven? 1316 01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:00,160 How many more fuckups are you gonna bring in here? 1317 01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:02,285 Stand back! HANNAH: Oh. 1318 01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:05,845 On the count of three, the Great Mysterio 1319 01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:08,764 shall command these shackles unlocked! 1320 01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:11,367 One! Do not divert your gaze. 1321 01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:13,602 Two! Illusion! 1322 01:04:13,960 --> 01:04:16,122 Three! Mysterio! 1323 01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:17,731 Thank you. Um... 1324 01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:18,881 Uh... 1325 01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:20,729 Yeah, that didn't work. All the locks are still there. 1326 01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:22,404 HANNAH: Nothing happened! 1327 01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:24,244 Oh. I got nothing, guys. 1328 01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:25,646 Jesus Christ. 1329 01:04:25,720 --> 01:04:29,770 Oh, speaking of disappearing, I have a bar mitzvah in one hour. Mysterio! 1330 01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:31,201 (HANNAH SCREAMS) 1331 01:04:31,720 --> 01:04:34,087 (LAUGHING) Oh, damn! Oh, my God. 1332 01:04:34,160 --> 01:04:35,321 (THUDDING) 1333 01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:43,848 This was not in the contract! 1334 01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:48,330 (MUSIC PLAYING) 1335 01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:50,490 Where we going? 1336 01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:53,566 To my parents' house for dinner. 1337 01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:56,482 You look lovely. Thank you. 1338 01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:01,569 Where'd you learn to dance? 1339 01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:03,483 At this little club in Tampa. 1340 01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:06,963 (CROWD CHEERING) 1341 01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:09,122 (MUSIC PLAYING) 1342 01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:27,526 (CHEERING CONTINUES) 1343 01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:28,681 Dance! 1344 01:05:38,840 --> 01:05:40,046 Yeah! 1345 01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:43,285 Ooh, wow. 1346 01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:47,370 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1347 01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:48,441 Ah! Fuck! 1348 01:05:48,920 --> 01:05:50,809 (CHEERING AND SCREAMING CONTINUES) 1349 01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:10,600 (CROWD EXCLAIMS) 1350 01:06:11,560 --> 01:06:12,561 (SCREAMING) 1351 01:06:23,720 --> 01:06:24,721 What's that? 1352 01:06:31,640 --> 01:06:33,085 (CHEERING) 1353 01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:44,081 (CHRISTIAN GRUNTS) 1354 01:06:59,880 --> 01:07:01,609 (CHEERING LOUDLY) 1355 01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:26,043 (ALL GASPS) (MUSIC STOPS) 1356 01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:29,962 Oh, my God, he's got a baby dick! 1357 01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:32,641 (ALL LAUGHING) 1358 01:07:34,320 --> 01:07:37,927 It's just the lighting! It's bad lighting! It's creating shadow! 1359 01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:47,843 It's not little! You're just little people! 1360 01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:53,846 Hi. 1361 01:07:53,920 --> 01:07:55,126 Oh, you made it. 1362 01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:57,682 Hannah! It's so good to see you. 1363 01:07:58,000 --> 01:07:59,047 Hi. 1364 01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:00,804 Hannah, this is my dad, Gary. 1365 01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:03,966 Are we ever happy to meet you, Hannah. 1366 01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:05,491 Really? Oh, yes. 1367 01:08:05,800 --> 01:08:08,041 I was sure that Christian was gay. 1368 01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:11,610 He's well-groomed, loves Lady Gaga. 1369 01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:14,247 Can't take his eyes off of Anderson Cooper. 1370 01:08:14,360 --> 01:08:16,931 What kind of Republican watches CNN? 1371 01:08:17,040 --> 01:08:19,771 Hi! I'm Mai! 1372 01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:21,365 It's so nice to meet you! 1373 01:08:21,640 --> 01:08:23,688 I can't believe you're a Republican. 1374 01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:26,411 That's his deep, dark secret. (LAUGHS) 1375 01:08:26,480 --> 01:08:28,050 Shall we? 1376 01:08:29,520 --> 01:08:31,363 I can't believe you're a Republican. Sorry. 1377 01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:32,521 Ah... 1378 01:08:34,040 --> 01:08:35,644 Mrs. Black, this food looks amazing. 1379 01:08:35,720 --> 01:08:37,290 CLAIRE: Oh, thank you, Hannah. 1380 01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:38,480 Well, it was important to me 1381 01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:42,445 that our adopted children were exposed to their native cultures. 1382 01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:45,763 So, for Eli, I have prepared Balangu. 1383 01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:48,048 It's a spicy goat dish from Nigeria. 1384 01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:50,801 And for Mai, of course, we have Peking Duck 1385 01:08:50,880 --> 01:08:52,848 from the Mandarin province of China. 1386 01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:54,201 I'm Korean! 1387 01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:55,441 Don't be fresh, Mai! 1388 01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:58,400 There are billions of starving Chinese children 1389 01:08:58,480 --> 01:09:00,847 who need their energy to make sneakers for Nike, 1390 01:09:00,920 --> 01:09:03,605 and they would kill for this meal. 1391 01:09:03,680 --> 01:09:07,127 For Christian, of course, we have fried chicken and Kool-Aid. 1392 01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:10,290 It's a very popular dish in Detroit, Michigan. 1393 01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:13,284 And your favorite, of course, hot sauce! 1394 01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:14,771 Oh, Mom. (CHUCKLES) 1395 01:09:16,960 --> 01:09:19,281 So, Hannah, are you interested in having children? 1396 01:09:19,520 --> 01:09:20,521 (CLEARS THROAT) 1397 01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:23,331 Yes, I would, if I met the right person. 1398 01:09:23,680 --> 01:09:28,925 Oh, you have no idea what joy we have had from having our kids. 1399 01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:31,362 Mai's the one that I worried about the most. 1400 01:09:31,440 --> 01:09:33,886 (KATEESHA MOANING) I mean, she was so sweet. 1401 01:09:33,960 --> 01:09:35,200 I mean, it seemed almost inevitable 1402 01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:38,090 that she'd grow up one day and run off with Gary. 1403 01:09:38,280 --> 01:09:40,123 Like that little director fellow, you know, 1404 01:09:40,200 --> 01:09:41,690 the one that married Mia Farrow? 1405 01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:44,606 Oh, sweetheart, please stop. She's our daughter. 1406 01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:46,569 She's a hot little number, though. 1407 01:09:48,680 --> 01:09:50,648 CLAIRE: Hannah, I would really recommend 1408 01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:53,291 adopting underprivileged children. 1409 01:09:53,440 --> 01:09:57,445 Wow, that's really just so sweet of you, Mrs. Black. 1410 01:09:57,640 --> 01:10:00,371 It is a great conversation starter at charities, 1411 01:10:00,440 --> 01:10:02,761 it helps your social standing... 1412 01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:03,841 ELI: Give it to me. 1413 01:10:03,960 --> 01:10:05,564 And your vag doesn't get stretched out 1414 01:10:05,680 --> 01:10:07,280 like an elastic band at Cirque du Soleil. 1415 01:10:07,320 --> 01:10:09,004 Okay, Mom. Mom, please. 1416 01:10:09,120 --> 01:10:11,566 CLAIRE: There was just nothing I wouldn't do for my children. Hot, hot... 1417 01:10:11,640 --> 01:10:13,722 I even learned to speak Mandarin for Mai. 1418 01:10:14,400 --> 01:10:15,890 (CLAIRE SPEAKING MAN DARIN) 1419 01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:24,450 That's not even a real language. 1420 01:10:24,920 --> 01:10:26,251 KATEESHA: Hit that bottom! 1421 01:10:26,720 --> 01:10:28,688 Hannah, where is your family from? 1422 01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:29,761 Oh... 1423 01:10:29,840 --> 01:10:31,604 My mom lives in Georgia. 1424 01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:33,445 CLAIRE: Oh, Atlanta! 1425 01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:36,121 Oh, then your mom must be a stripper. 1426 01:10:36,320 --> 01:10:38,322 She actually lives in Savannah, 1427 01:10:38,440 --> 01:10:40,090 and she's just a housewife. 1428 01:10:40,240 --> 01:10:42,368 (KATEESHA MOANING) Sure she is, dear. 1429 01:10:42,440 --> 01:10:45,125 I'm gonna go and visit her, actually, in a few days. 1430 01:10:46,320 --> 01:10:47,924 CLAIRE: Drinks anyone? Drinkies? 1431 01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:50,082 I'll have two. I'd love to, Mom, 1432 01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:52,640 but I promised Hannah I'd show her the estate. 1433 01:10:52,720 --> 01:10:54,210 KATEESHA: Home stretch! Yes! 1434 01:10:54,280 --> 01:10:55,566 Excuse us, please. 1435 01:10:56,160 --> 01:10:57,446 ELI: It's grocery time. 1436 01:10:57,560 --> 01:10:58,561 (KATEESHA SCREAMS) 1437 01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:01,451 It's like I'm on air right now! (ELI BLOWS RASPBERRIES) 1438 01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:04,286 How come you didn't tell me about her? 1439 01:11:04,360 --> 01:11:05,521 Who, my mom? 1440 01:11:05,640 --> 01:11:07,244 My God, she has a nickname? 1441 01:11:09,840 --> 01:11:10,966 Do you love her? 1442 01:11:11,040 --> 01:11:12,724 Of course, she's my mother. 1443 01:11:12,800 --> 01:11:15,724 God, how long has this been going on? 1444 01:11:15,800 --> 01:11:17,325 Since birth. 1445 01:11:17,400 --> 01:11:19,289 Oh, come on, I can't compete with that! 1446 01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:20,725 Hey, you don't have to compete with it! 1447 01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:22,370 You're my boyfriend, she's my mom. 1448 01:11:22,440 --> 01:11:23,726 They're two totally different relationships! 1449 01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:26,571 No, they're not! Okay, Hannah, you're mine, okay? 1450 01:11:26,640 --> 01:11:30,406 There's no mother, no brother, no cousins, no second cousin removed, 1451 01:11:30,520 --> 01:11:32,727 no friends that you call cousin 'cause your parents are close! 1452 01:11:32,840 --> 01:11:35,320 There's none of that. No play cousins? 1453 01:11:35,400 --> 01:11:36,970 No play cousins. 1454 01:11:37,040 --> 01:11:38,610 Christian, what do you want? 1455 01:11:38,680 --> 01:11:41,047 I want Kevin Hart not to be in every movie! 1456 01:11:41,120 --> 01:11:42,645 Why? He's hilarious. 1457 01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:44,051 Come on, there's other black actors! 1458 01:11:44,120 --> 01:11:46,009 How about them? Like who? 1459 01:11:46,160 --> 01:11:48,049 It could've been Sam Jackson in Ride Along. 1460 01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:50,480 Who knows what kind of crazy wig he would have been wearing? 1461 01:11:50,520 --> 01:11:51,931 I thought you wanted me! 1462 01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:53,331 What do you want, love letters? 1463 01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:55,801 Hickies? Edible Arrangements? Mmm. 1464 01:11:55,880 --> 01:11:58,611 You know, that's not even real flowers. It's fucking fruit. 1465 01:11:58,680 --> 01:11:59,761 Yeah, but it's delicious. 1466 01:12:00,720 --> 01:12:02,484 And it's a start, okay? 1467 01:12:02,560 --> 01:12:05,882 And maybe we could advance to a Tiffany's engagement ring, 1468 01:12:05,960 --> 01:12:08,531 and a wedding where we invite 500 of our closest friends, 1469 01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:10,921 and then we have seven kids, and we live in a big house... 1470 01:12:11,000 --> 01:12:15,324 Whoa. You had this whole thing planned out, huh? 1471 01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:17,721 You know, is it me or is it hot in here? Shit. 1472 01:12:17,800 --> 01:12:19,848 You want me to be somebody that I'm not. 1473 01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:21,922 No, no, it's not me that's changing you. 1474 01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:23,650 It's you that's changing me! 1475 01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:25,370 Wait a minute. 1476 01:12:25,440 --> 01:12:27,283 That's a line from the movie Radio. 1477 01:12:28,080 --> 01:12:29,161 No, it's not. 1478 01:12:29,280 --> 01:12:31,123 Yeah, yeah, the movie with Cuba Gooding, Jr., 1479 01:12:31,240 --> 01:12:33,925 where he played this mentally disabled athlete. 1480 01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:35,923 "It's not us that's teaching Radio, 1481 01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:37,809 "it's Radio that's teaching us." 1482 01:12:37,880 --> 01:12:39,211 Nah, mine is way different. 1483 01:12:39,280 --> 01:12:40,645 It's the same premise. 1484 01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:42,521 You complete me? 1485 01:12:42,960 --> 01:12:45,167 Jerry Maguire, also starring Cuba Gooding, Jr. 1486 01:12:45,240 --> 01:12:48,164 I don't understand your whole fixation on him. 1487 01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:51,608 You know, all this time I thought I wasn't in the right place, 1488 01:12:51,840 --> 01:12:53,251 but I was! 1489 01:12:54,040 --> 01:12:55,530 HANNAH: That's Snow Dogs. 1490 01:12:55,640 --> 01:12:57,005 God damn it! 1491 01:12:57,080 --> 01:12:59,242 I gotta stop binging on Netflix. 1492 01:12:59,880 --> 01:13:00,927 Hannah! 1493 01:13:01,120 --> 01:13:02,485 (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) 1494 01:13:20,160 --> 01:13:22,527 That song sounds so sad. 1495 01:13:22,600 --> 01:13:25,285 Not as sad as Luther Vandross' Dance With My Father. 1496 01:13:25,360 --> 01:13:27,647 Oh, God, that song tears me up. 1497 01:13:28,880 --> 01:13:32,327 Every time I hear it, I just wanna go, "Where's my daddy?" 1498 01:13:32,640 --> 01:13:34,688 Christian, we have to talk. 1499 01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:37,084 You mean like white people? 1500 01:13:37,160 --> 01:13:38,605 What's wrong with that? 1501 01:13:39,160 --> 01:13:41,208 Well, they just talk a lot, you know? 1502 01:13:41,280 --> 01:13:42,884 They do it differently than black people do it. 1503 01:13:43,080 --> 01:13:45,321 White people don't like to argue, they like to discuss. 1504 01:13:45,520 --> 01:13:48,729 Then they start throwing around all these big SAT words 1505 01:13:48,800 --> 01:13:50,450 and putting a lot of emotional guilt on each other. 1506 01:13:50,520 --> 01:13:52,443 It's just too much to deal with. 1507 01:13:52,520 --> 01:13:55,000 I like it the black way, you know, where we curse each other out, 1508 01:13:55,080 --> 01:13:57,242 we may fight, and then we get cool again, 1509 01:13:57,320 --> 01:13:59,448 but we talk about each other behind each other's back, like, 1510 01:13:59,520 --> 01:14:00,760 "Oh, nah, I ain't fucking with that bitch." 1511 01:14:00,840 --> 01:14:01,966 But what you not gonna do... 1512 01:14:02,120 --> 01:14:03,770 But what you not gonna do... You not gonna do... 1513 01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:04,841 You not about to "not" me! Uh-uh... 1514 01:14:05,120 --> 01:14:06,929 Don't let me get to clappin', boo. 1515 01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:08,001 Oh, hell no. 1516 01:14:08,080 --> 01:14:10,208 See, that's... That's communication. 1517 01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:11,441 I feel better already. 1518 01:14:11,520 --> 01:14:12,965 (BOTH CHUCKLES) 1519 01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:15,569 Christian. Hey! 1520 01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:23,601 (SIGHS) 1521 01:14:23,720 --> 01:14:25,404 You're not upset because I haven't signed 1522 01:14:25,520 --> 01:14:26,931 the contract yet, are you? 1523 01:14:27,040 --> 01:14:29,884 I mean, it's not even legally enforceable. You know that, right? 1524 01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:33,049 What's important here are the rules. 1525 01:14:33,120 --> 01:14:35,566 And if you break them, you should be punished. 1526 01:14:35,680 --> 01:14:37,045 How are you gonna punish me? 1527 01:14:37,160 --> 01:14:38,491 First off, you'll get grounded. 1528 01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:40,403 I'll make you stand in the corner for an hour. 1529 01:14:40,600 --> 01:14:42,329 And then I will send you to your room 1530 01:14:42,400 --> 01:14:44,402 without no supper, young lady. 1531 01:14:44,840 --> 01:14:47,844 Christian, this is crazy. Why do you need to punish me? 1532 01:14:47,960 --> 01:14:50,327 Because I'm 51 shades of fucked up! 1533 01:14:51,560 --> 01:14:54,928 You know I'm five-four seconds from wildin'. 1534 01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:57,526 I got three fillets for fryin'. 1535 01:14:57,960 --> 01:15:01,726 I got 99 problems, but now a bitch is one! 1536 01:15:01,920 --> 01:15:03,888 That's 100 problems, Hannah! 1537 01:15:04,560 --> 01:15:05,721 (SIGHS) 1538 01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:08,526 I can only deal with so much. 99's fine. 1539 01:15:08,600 --> 01:15:11,843 A hundred jus... I can't even count that far. 1540 01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:13,921 Okay. 1541 01:15:15,400 --> 01:15:16,811 Then you show me the worst. 1542 01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:19,209 I wanna see how bad it can get. 1543 01:15:19,480 --> 01:15:21,209 No more of this pussy-ass punishment 1544 01:15:21,280 --> 01:15:22,725 you've been doling out thus far. 1545 01:15:22,800 --> 01:15:24,245 I wanna go all the way. 1546 01:15:26,400 --> 01:15:29,210 Is that something that you think you can do? 1547 01:15:29,560 --> 01:15:30,800 (MOUTHING) Thank you. 1548 01:15:33,280 --> 01:15:34,441 Yes. 1549 01:15:35,600 --> 01:15:37,409 Bend over. 1550 01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:44,001 Hmm. 1551 01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:47,881 Mmm-mmm. 1552 01:15:50,520 --> 01:15:51,521 Hmm. 1553 01:15:54,720 --> 01:15:55,801 Aha. 1554 01:15:59,440 --> 01:16:03,604 Nothin' says ass-whuppin' like good ol' Joe Jackson. 1555 01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:04,966 (WHIP CRACKS) 1556 01:16:05,200 --> 01:16:06,611 Hannah�. 1557 01:16:07,680 --> 01:16:10,809 I'm gonna spank you six times. 1558 01:16:12,520 --> 01:16:15,285 I need you to count with me. 1559 01:16:18,840 --> 01:16:21,002 (GRUNTS) (HANNAH GROANS) 1560 01:16:21,200 --> 01:16:23,248 God damn it, motherfucker! 1561 01:16:23,360 --> 01:16:25,522 I said count with me! 1562 01:16:26,240 --> 01:16:27,241 (GRUNTS) 1563 01:16:27,360 --> 01:16:29,408 One! Two! (WHIP CRACKING) 1564 01:16:30,320 --> 01:16:34,484 Jesus! It hurts so bad I can't keep count! Where were we? 1565 01:16:34,680 --> 01:16:35,680 I don't know! 1566 01:16:35,720 --> 01:16:37,404 (EXHALES) God damn it, Hannah! 1567 01:16:37,480 --> 01:16:39,482 I don't know how to count, okay? 1568 01:16:39,560 --> 01:16:41,244 My crackhead mother never taught me. 1569 01:16:42,360 --> 01:16:44,761 How about this? Let's try in Spanish. 1570 01:16:44,960 --> 01:16:46,291 Spanish? Si. 1571 01:16:46,720 --> 01:16:48,165 (CHRISTIAN YELLING) 1572 01:16:48,320 --> 01:16:51,688 (WHIMPERING) Tres. Cuatro. 1573 01:16:52,040 --> 01:16:56,090 I'm not too sure, but I think cinco comes after tres. 1574 01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:59,124 Are you kidding me? Cuatro comes after tres. 1575 01:16:59,360 --> 01:17:01,886 Well, don't get mad at me. I don't know Spanish. 1576 01:17:01,960 --> 01:17:03,405 Look, my crackhead mother never taught me 1577 01:17:03,480 --> 01:17:05,801 how to count or how to speak Spanish. 1578 01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:08,048 Now we gotta start from scratch! No! 1579 01:17:08,880 --> 01:17:10,689 (YELLING) 1580 01:17:17,920 --> 01:17:18,967 Whoo! 1581 01:17:19,600 --> 01:17:21,409 (SIGHS) 1582 01:17:22,240 --> 01:17:25,881 I am tired. Oh, God, that is exhausting. 1583 01:17:26,360 --> 01:17:28,442 Oh, I'm gonna be sore tomorrow. 1584 01:17:29,040 --> 01:17:31,884 Oh. Come on, let's get you up. (GROANS) 1585 01:17:32,600 --> 01:17:34,284 Don't touch me! 1586 01:17:34,760 --> 01:17:35,921 Hey! 1587 01:17:36,400 --> 01:17:38,926 Does it make you happy to see me like this? 1588 01:17:39,200 --> 01:17:42,522 I mean, not really. You look like a sad Gollum. 1589 01:17:42,600 --> 01:17:45,888 Like you's all bent over, and you're crying. You look a little crazy. 1590 01:17:46,520 --> 01:17:47,851 Come on, don't hate me. 1591 01:17:47,920 --> 01:17:49,046 Hate you? 1592 01:17:49,400 --> 01:17:51,129 I loathe you. 1593 01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:54,449 Whoa. That's a thesaurus word right there. 1594 01:17:54,920 --> 01:17:57,082 I hate you the way black people hate cops. 1595 01:17:57,240 --> 01:17:58,241 Wow. 1596 01:17:58,360 --> 01:18:01,523 I hate you the way Republicans hate ObamaCare! 1597 01:18:01,600 --> 01:18:02,840 Baby, come on now. 1598 01:18:03,000 --> 01:18:07,608 (SOBBING) I hate you the way Kanye West hates everybody else! 1599 01:18:07,760 --> 01:18:09,808 Well, I'm kind of with him on Taylor Swift. 1600 01:18:09,920 --> 01:18:11,524 What is that bitch singing about? 1601 01:18:11,840 --> 01:18:14,525 You will never do that to me again. 1602 01:18:14,600 --> 01:18:16,204 You said it was cool. 1603 01:18:16,360 --> 01:18:20,001 I know niggas, grimy niggas who do not value themselves, 1604 01:18:20,160 --> 01:18:22,162 and they will have no problem coming down here 1605 01:18:22,240 --> 01:18:23,651 to fuck your little ass up! 1606 01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:26,525 Whoa. Slow it up now. Just one "Cuckoo!" 1607 01:18:27,040 --> 01:18:29,281 And they will swoop down on you 1608 01:18:29,360 --> 01:18:32,045 like pigeons on old garlic bread! 1609 01:18:32,360 --> 01:18:34,408 You can't be cuckooin' on this mo'fuck! 1610 01:18:34,520 --> 01:18:36,807 (MIMICKING PIGEONS) You gotta calm them niggas down. 1611 01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,490 You know what? 1612 01:18:40,640 --> 01:18:42,165 Let's try something else. 1613 01:18:43,800 --> 01:18:46,246 Aw, this is cute. I get it, a little role-play. 1614 01:18:46,320 --> 01:18:47,401 It's cute. 1615 01:18:47,480 --> 01:18:49,130 Handcuffs. All right. 1616 01:18:49,200 --> 01:18:51,328 You thought you were gonna do this shit to me? 1617 01:18:51,480 --> 01:18:53,482 You messed with the wrong bitch. 1618 01:18:53,560 --> 01:18:55,005 You sound angry. 1619 01:18:55,200 --> 01:18:59,569 This is for Kerry Washington from De-jango Unchained! 1620 01:18:59,640 --> 01:19:04,089 (SCREAMS) It's fucking... That is Django! The "D" is silent! 1621 01:19:04,160 --> 01:19:08,768 This is for Lupita Nyong'o in 12 Years a Slave! 1622 01:19:08,840 --> 01:19:09,966 (SCREAMING) 1623 01:19:10,040 --> 01:19:13,601 God damn it! It stings so bad! 1624 01:19:13,680 --> 01:19:15,603 All she wanted was some soap! 1625 01:19:16,840 --> 01:19:19,241 Even the antibacterial soap! 1626 01:19:19,320 --> 01:19:21,243 This is for Denzel Washington. 1627 01:19:21,360 --> 01:19:22,964 Wait, he's not even a woman. 1628 01:19:23,040 --> 01:19:24,280 You're just getting crazy. 1629 01:19:24,360 --> 01:19:26,169 But they made him cry in Glory. 1630 01:19:26,400 --> 01:19:27,401 (SCREAMS) 1631 01:19:27,520 --> 01:19:29,284 Who makes Denzel Washington cry? Nobody! 1632 01:19:29,360 --> 01:19:30,440 You talkin' 'bout like this? 1633 01:19:30,480 --> 01:19:32,482 See, look, I have a Glory tear. 1634 01:19:32,560 --> 01:19:33,925 If it wasn't for Denzel Washington, 1635 01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:36,207 Flight would've been a fucking Soul Plane! 1636 01:19:36,320 --> 01:19:37,970 (SCREAMS) Shit! 1637 01:19:38,040 --> 01:19:40,202 Why the fuck did they make Soul Plane anyway? 1638 01:19:41,400 --> 01:19:45,200 And this is for the little white girl in Fifty Shades of Grey! 1639 01:19:46,880 --> 01:19:48,723 Johnson. Dakota Johnson. 1640 01:19:48,880 --> 01:19:51,008 She had to be naked the whole fucking movie! 1641 01:19:51,080 --> 01:19:52,366 That shit was just gratuitous! 1642 01:19:52,440 --> 01:19:53,441 (SCREAMING) 1643 01:19:53,640 --> 01:19:55,404 Whoo! Ah! 1644 01:19:56,720 --> 01:20:00,566 It burns! It burns! It feels like someone lit a... 1645 01:20:00,720 --> 01:20:03,405 My ass on fire! Oh, God, it hurts! 1646 01:20:04,720 --> 01:20:05,960 (WHIMPERING) We done? 1647 01:20:06,040 --> 01:20:09,487 Oh, no, nigga. No, we not finished yet! 1648 01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:12,404 We not finished with you yet, nigga! 1649 01:20:12,600 --> 01:20:13,840 What? Where you goin' with this? 1650 01:20:13,880 --> 01:20:16,406 I'm about to get medieval on your ass. 1651 01:20:17,120 --> 01:20:19,407 Welcome to my world, motherfucker. 1652 01:20:19,520 --> 01:20:20,521 (SCREAMS) 1653 01:20:24,400 --> 01:20:26,084 (SOBBING) Oh, God! 1654 01:20:27,080 --> 01:20:28,570 (CRYING) 1655 01:20:29,920 --> 01:20:31,684 Oh, God! 1656 01:20:33,760 --> 01:20:36,923 This hurts so much. 1657 01:20:37,120 --> 01:20:38,770 I Wish I'd died. 1658 01:20:40,120 --> 01:20:42,521 Don't touch it! Don't touch it! 1659 01:20:42,600 --> 01:20:44,489 Oh, it's tickling. 1660 01:20:44,920 --> 01:20:47,048 Christian, I thought you'd like it. 1661 01:20:47,120 --> 01:20:48,645 What's there to like! 1662 01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:54,803 What kind of sick pervert beats you for their own enjoyment? 1663 01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:59,366 Christian, you don't want somebody like me. 1664 01:21:00,360 --> 01:21:01,964 You're exactly what I want. 1665 01:21:03,160 --> 01:21:06,369 A broke college graduate with a liberal arts degree 1666 01:21:06,600 --> 01:21:08,602 and no future prospects. 1667 01:21:10,960 --> 01:21:12,450 It's exactly what I want. 1668 01:21:13,160 --> 01:21:16,289 Christian, I've fallen head over heels in love with you. 1669 01:21:16,640 --> 01:21:18,768 Uh... Whoa! 1670 01:21:18,840 --> 01:21:22,640 Slow it up. That is not in the contract. 1671 01:21:22,720 --> 01:21:25,883 Like, it specifically says, and I quote, 1672 01:21:25,960 --> 01:21:28,247 "Bitch don't love a nigga." 1673 01:21:28,640 --> 01:21:30,722 Okay? And I double-bolded that. 1674 01:21:30,800 --> 01:21:33,485 I knew I should have had you sign this contract. 1675 01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:37,483 Christian, I think it'd be best if you leave. 1676 01:21:37,960 --> 01:21:39,564 Get out! 1677 01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:42,120 Fine, you want me to leave? You want me to leave? Fine, I will leave! 1678 01:21:42,200 --> 01:21:43,850 Okay? Wait, time-out. 1679 01:21:44,080 --> 01:21:45,081 Um... 1680 01:21:45,160 --> 01:21:46,924 I live here. 1681 01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:49,321 Shouldn't you be the one leaving? Am I wrong? 1682 01:21:50,680 --> 01:21:52,921 Take an umbrella 'cause... (CHUCKLES) 1683 01:21:53,000 --> 01:21:54,525 Bitch, it's raining. 1684 01:21:59,200 --> 01:22:00,406 I need my car back. 1685 01:22:00,480 --> 01:22:02,130 I already sold that piece of shit. 1686 01:22:02,200 --> 01:22:03,406 I'll send you a check for $37. 1687 01:22:03,520 --> 01:22:05,090 That is way below Blue Book! 1688 01:22:05,160 --> 01:22:06,161 (SCOFFS) 1689 01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:07,881 (SIGHS) 1690 01:22:08,680 --> 01:22:09,681 Hannah! 1691 01:22:09,760 --> 01:22:11,524 Christian, you have to let me go. 1692 01:22:11,920 --> 01:22:12,921 Please, listen to me! 1693 01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:14,126 No, you listen to me. (ELEVATOR DINGS) 1694 01:22:14,240 --> 01:22:16,846 You'll find someone. Somebody who wants to be open 1695 01:22:16,920 --> 01:22:19,366 to all the demeaning things that you wanna do to them. 1696 01:22:19,520 --> 01:22:20,601 Hannah! 1697 01:22:20,680 --> 01:22:21,681 Christian. 1698 01:22:22,320 --> 01:22:23,321 Ooh. 1699 01:22:23,400 --> 01:22:24,480 Ah! (ELEVATOR ALARM BLARING) 1700 01:22:24,840 --> 01:22:25,841 God! 1701 01:22:26,040 --> 01:22:27,326 (SIGHS) (GROANS) 1702 01:22:30,880 --> 01:22:33,247 (HANNAH BAWLING) 1703 01:22:33,400 --> 01:22:37,485 How is he gonna love you? He doesn't even love himself. 1704 01:22:37,560 --> 01:22:41,360 Did you see his haircut, girl? 1705 01:22:41,440 --> 01:22:45,490 How could you think this was gonna end well? 1706 01:22:48,200 --> 01:22:49,725 (EXHALES) Never look back. 1707 01:22:54,000 --> 01:22:55,809 (CHRISTIAN WHEEZING) 1708 01:22:55,880 --> 01:22:57,006 Christian. 1709 01:22:57,280 --> 01:22:58,441 Hannah. 1710 01:22:59,720 --> 01:23:02,246 While running down 47 flights of stairs, 1711 01:23:03,080 --> 01:23:04,650 I had plenty of time to think. 1712 01:23:05,640 --> 01:23:07,200 And when I passed out on the 23rd floor, 1713 01:23:07,240 --> 01:23:09,561 I realized I owed you an apology. 1714 01:23:09,920 --> 01:23:12,526 I just want to say I'm sorry for the way I treated you. 1715 01:23:12,600 --> 01:23:14,364 Especially for the whole waterboarding thing. 1716 01:23:15,000 --> 01:23:17,571 Turns out you were right about bin Laden. 1717 01:23:17,680 --> 01:23:19,921 (CHUCKLES) Who knew? Everyone. 1718 01:23:20,000 --> 01:23:21,001 Hmm? 1719 01:23:21,080 --> 01:23:22,320 You hurt me, Christian. 1720 01:23:22,400 --> 01:23:24,687 I know. But I have softer whips. 1721 01:23:24,760 --> 01:23:26,603 You know the kind with the pink fur on it? 1722 01:23:27,400 --> 01:23:28,447 It takes the sting off. 1723 01:23:28,520 --> 01:23:30,124 That's not what I'm talking about. 1724 01:23:30,600 --> 01:23:32,967 (SIGHS) You want romance. I deserve it. 1725 01:23:33,080 --> 01:23:34,127 Well, what's more romantic 1726 01:23:34,200 --> 01:23:36,168 than running down 47 flights of stairs? 1727 01:23:36,280 --> 01:23:37,520 You know I pulled a hamstring? 1728 01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:39,006 Did you die? 1729 01:23:39,080 --> 01:23:41,800 No, but that's gonna keep me out of the Red Room for at least a week. 1730 01:23:42,320 --> 01:23:43,560 Bye, bitch. 1731 01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:46,041 Okay, okay, okay. Hannah, wait, wait. Hannah! 1732 01:23:46,120 --> 01:23:48,088 No, Christian. You are incapable 1733 01:23:48,160 --> 01:23:49,525 of having a normal relationship. 1734 01:23:49,600 --> 01:23:51,409 I know, but I'm trying, okay? 1735 01:23:51,480 --> 01:23:54,290 I want to be like that old man whose wife has Alzheimer's, 1736 01:23:54,360 --> 01:23:55,521 and he wakes up every day 1737 01:23:55,600 --> 01:23:57,250 and he tells her the story about their lives together. 1738 01:23:57,480 --> 01:23:59,608 And then they take a nap, but they don't wake up. 1739 01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:01,406 Because they're dead. 1740 01:24:01,480 --> 01:24:02,925 That's The Notebook. 1741 01:24:03,000 --> 01:24:04,047 That's the one with Ryan Gosling 1742 01:24:04,120 --> 01:24:05,565 and the girl with the big-ass forehead? 1743 01:24:05,640 --> 01:24:06,641 Oh. 1744 01:24:07,200 --> 01:24:08,326 He never forgot her. 1745 01:24:08,480 --> 01:24:10,562 You don't even like Nicholas Sparks movies. 1746 01:24:10,800 --> 01:24:12,882 I used to hate them, but now I love 'em. 1747 01:24:13,240 --> 01:24:14,844 Even The Last Song. 1748 01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:17,370 Why was that even a movie? 1749 01:24:17,440 --> 01:24:18,726 You know that wasn't even a book? 1750 01:24:19,040 --> 01:24:20,451 Well, if I'm gonna give you another chance, 1751 01:24:20,520 --> 01:24:21,640 things have to be different. 1752 01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:23,011 I know. 1753 01:24:23,880 --> 01:24:26,326 I have something very important I wanna tell you. 1754 01:24:27,680 --> 01:24:28,681 I lo... 1755 01:24:30,760 --> 01:24:32,649 I lo... 1756 01:24:32,720 --> 01:24:33,721 (CLEARS THROAT) 1757 01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:35,521 I... 1758 01:24:36,880 --> 01:24:38,041 (VOCALIZING) 1759 01:24:39,160 --> 01:24:42,004 What I'm trying to say is, I love 1760 01:24:43,560 --> 01:24:45,005 Empire. (GROANS) 1761 01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:47,845 That Cookie just says the craziest things. 1762 01:24:48,440 --> 01:24:49,646 Okay. 1763 01:24:51,360 --> 01:24:52,566 I love you. 1764 01:24:53,480 --> 01:24:55,164 I knew you loved me. 1765 01:24:58,840 --> 01:25:00,126 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 1766 01:25:05,560 --> 01:25:07,767 I have one last surprise for you. 1767 01:25:07,880 --> 01:25:10,201 But you're gonna have to pack a bag. (SHRIEKS) 1768 01:25:10,360 --> 01:25:11,771 Are we gonna go on your private jet? 1769 01:25:11,840 --> 01:25:13,205 Oh, my God, what kind of jet is it? 1770 01:25:13,280 --> 01:25:15,760 No, no, no. Don't tell me. I want to be surprised. 1771 01:25:16,560 --> 01:25:18,210 (BABY WAILING) 1772 01:25:20,680 --> 01:25:21,727 Ah! 1773 01:25:21,800 --> 01:25:25,168 I can't believe you thought I'd take you on a private jet. 1774 01:25:25,240 --> 01:25:27,641 I love you and all, but you don't even have a ring yet. 1775 01:25:27,720 --> 01:25:28,721 (LAUGHS) 1776 01:25:28,800 --> 01:25:29,801 (RETCHING) 1777 01:25:33,000 --> 01:25:55,000 Colored & Hearing Improved By SidBrothers_3