1 00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:18,030 Wondermutt, go get Bob. 2 00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:24,270 Hey, guys! You all got your grade cards, right? 3 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,870 OK. 4 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,610 What have we learned this year? 5 00:02:28,820 --> 00:02:32,080 Teamwork, sportsmanship, how your friends look naked. 6 00:02:32,790 --> 00:02:35,090 You'll notice your grade cards are blank. 7 00:02:35,290 --> 00:02:38,950 Who better to evaluate a student's progress than the student himself? 8 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,130 Good morning, young people. 9 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,730 Vice Principal Gills has some words for you. Mr. Gills. 10 00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:49,060 Thank you, Principal Kelban. 11 00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:55,410 Well, well, I suppose you all remember the English skills test last month. 12 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:56,980 - No. - No. 13 00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,200 - I had English? - The dot-to-dot puzzle? 14 00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:01,780 Yeah, that was it, yeah. No, I don't remember. 15 00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:04,610 I'm not surprised. All of you failed. 16 00:03:04,820 --> 00:03:08,850 However, in accordance with policies on minimum academic proficiencies, 17 00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:11,420 you'll have the opportunity to retake the exam. 18 00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:13,560 - Great. - Oh, joy, I have a boner now. 19 00:03:18,570 --> 00:03:21,660 - Hi. I'm all packed. Are you ready? - One minute to go. 20 00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:27,030 Your parents have been notified you'll be retested after completing 21 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:31,140 the mandatory course in remedial English. In summer school. 22 00:03:31,350 --> 00:03:33,580 - What? - We just finished a whole semester 23 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,410 and we gotta go to summer school? 24 00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:40,180 - You're crazy. I ain't going. - My grandmother's gonna kill me. 25 00:03:40,390 --> 00:03:45,290 Twenty, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 26 00:03:45,490 --> 00:03:48,290 fourteen, 13, 12, 27 00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:52,870 eleven, ten, nine, eight, 28 00:03:53,070 --> 00:03:56,530 seven, six, five, four, 29 00:03:56,740 --> 00:03:59,870 three, two, one! 30 00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:20,690 I won! I won! 31 00:04:24,770 --> 00:04:26,060 I won! I won! 32 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,030 Gills, Kelban. I did it, I did it. 33 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,470 Look at this puppy. 50,000 big ones. 34 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,610 Know what this means? No summer school. 35 00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:37,470 Wait, you gave me your word. 36 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,010 That was the old word. My new one is "money". 37 00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:43,240 You would let 50 grand weaken your commitment to education? 38 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,420 Lesser men win millions, go right back to busing tables! 39 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,680 They're frigging morons! 40 00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:53,160 Let me out of here! Let me out of here! 41 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,960 Don't look at me. You're in charge of summer school. 42 00:05:01,270 --> 00:05:03,240 - May I speak with you a minute? - Sure. 43 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,270 I need you to teach summer school. Dearadorian just quit. 44 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,880 - Didn't he teach remedial English? - Well, yes... Winnick! 45 00:05:10,780 --> 00:05:12,680 Musway! 46 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,750 Stop! Stop! 47 00:05:19,490 --> 00:05:21,390 Mary! 48 00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:24,120 I have to talk to you. 49 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,590 Kim, get in the car. 50 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:34,830 It's OK. I'll meet you at the airport. I'll get a cab. Take Wondermutt. 51 00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:42,770 Shoop. 52 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,410 All right. 53 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,750 Mr. Shoop. Oh, Mr. Shoop. 54 00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:53,490 Congratulations. You've been chosen to teach summer school. 55 00:05:53,690 --> 00:05:55,550 Shoot. 56 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,380 If only I'd known sooner. 57 00:05:57,590 --> 00:06:01,220 - We're going to Hawaii. - May I remind you, Mr. Shoop, 58 00:06:01,430 --> 00:06:03,920 you're up for tenure. You want a job next year? 59 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:07,100 Come on, Mr. Gills. Look, we got leis on and everything. 60 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,270 You'll be teaching remedial English. 61 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:12,300 Remedial English? Look, I ain't no English teacher. 62 00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:14,530 See? Double negative. 63 00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:19,370 No, I hand out basketballs, check for jockstraps. I'm, like, very challenged. 64 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,850 - I'm not a real teacher. - That's all right. 65 00:06:22,050 --> 00:06:25,380 These aren't real students. They're unmotivated, irresponsible. 66 00:06:25,590 --> 00:06:28,220 - They'll relate to you. - I appreciate that. 67 00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:32,880 No, the reason I got into this whole teaching gig was to get summers off. 68 00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,090 No, I'm afraid my answer has to be no. 69 00:06:36,870 --> 00:06:38,090 No, thank you? 70 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:41,200 Bottom line, you need my recommendation for tenure. 71 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,870 This is blackmail. 72 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:46,170 We call it school spirit. 73 00:06:53,650 --> 00:06:54,950 Kim. 74 00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:58,180 Have you ever seen The Wizard of Oz? 75 00:06:58,390 --> 00:07:01,050 - Oh, I love that movie. - Yeah. Yeah, me too. 76 00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:04,750 And my favorite part is when Dorothy, she clicks her heels together 77 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,430 and she says, "There's no place like home. 78 00:07:07,630 --> 00:07:10,620 "There is no place like home." 79 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,990 Oh, Shoop, I understand. 80 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,670 You do? You're not disappointed? 81 00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:19,710 No. I'll just go by myself. 82 00:07:20,110 --> 00:07:22,740 - What, alone? - I'll make friends. 83 00:07:22,940 --> 00:07:27,510 Look, Kim, if you love me, even if you just like me a lot, you won't do this. 84 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:32,350 If I didn't like you, I wouldn't ask you to drive me to the airport, now would I? 85 00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,390 Guess not. 86 00:07:35,590 --> 00:07:38,530 You're in room 43. 87 00:07:38,730 --> 00:07:41,420 Files on your students. 88 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,590 A word to the wise, Mr. Shoop: 89 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,200 Right off the bat, you show them who's in charge. 90 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,700 Great. 91 00:07:48,340 --> 00:07:50,170 Who is in charge? 92 00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:55,600 Very cute. 93 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,010 Thanks. So are you. 94 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,780 Oh, you meant... 95 00:08:03,290 --> 00:08:06,520 Jeez, I'm so embarrassed. But you are cute. 96 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,680 I'm all right. I'm Robin Bishop. I teach American history next door. 97 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:14,160 Hi, Freddy Shoop. Remedial English, right here. 98 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,590 Everybody calls me Shoop. 99 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,460 OK, Shoop. 100 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,770 Why am I here? Oh, thumbtacks. Could I borrow some? 101 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:26,170 Sure. I was just gonna get my summer bulletin board going here. 102 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,600 Jackpot. Whole box. Here you go, my treat. 103 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:33,800 - But what about your bulletin board? - Oh, yeah. Give me one. 104 00:08:35,350 --> 00:08:37,010 Remedial English, huh? 105 00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:40,380 I got it easy, I have honor students. They're here voluntarily. 106 00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:42,220 - Believe it? - No. 107 00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:44,190 I've seen some of your students. 108 00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:47,260 Very scary. You must be a good teacher. 109 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,630 Shucks, Robin, I don't know. 110 00:08:51,670 --> 00:08:55,230 Heck, inside every so-called bad kid is a good kid 111 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,570 waiting for someone to reach down through the sleaze and slime, 112 00:08:58,770 --> 00:09:01,000 pick him up and hose him off. 113 00:09:01,210 --> 00:09:04,940 If we fail with even one child, we might be losing the next Ted Koppel. 114 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,810 We're the unsung heroes doing God's work. 115 00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:10,680 You're not wearing a wedding ring. 116 00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:13,290 Yeah, my mother noticed that too. 117 00:09:13,490 --> 00:09:16,620 So you're single. In love? Involved? What's the story here? 118 00:09:16,830 --> 00:09:19,520 The story is that I've been seeing someone. 119 00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:23,600 But we just started dating, so you do what you think's right. 120 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,990 - OK. - I better get going. 121 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,330 Well, here, I'll walk you. 122 00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:32,170 So you're free to see other people, then? 123 00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:33,740 Are you asking me out? 124 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:36,640 - Well, if I was, would you say yes? - I might. 125 00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:39,440 Well, I might be asking you out. 126 00:09:39,650 --> 00:09:41,670 - You like Chinese? - I hate it. 127 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,280 Me too. I can't stand it. 128 00:09:43,490 --> 00:09:45,350 Wanna go out and not eat Chinese? 129 00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:46,820 I might. 130 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,350 Why don't we talk about that after school. 131 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,160 I'm in love again. 132 00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,460 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. The crowd goes mild. 133 00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:03,930 - Hey, wow. - Kevin? 134 00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:06,300 - What happened to football, buddy? - Yeah. 135 00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:08,810 I was kicked off the team for being stupid. 136 00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:10,440 All right, it's about time. 137 00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:12,340 Congratulations, bud. 138 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,880 Sorry I'm late. 139 00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:23,960 Hey, Mr. Shoop, wow. You in this class too? 140 00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:27,690 - I'm teaching it. - No way! 141 00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:30,160 Party all the time Party all the time 142 00:10:30,370 --> 00:10:32,330 My girl likes to party all the time 143 00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:36,200 All right, have a seat. Let's see who the lucky winners are. 144 00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:40,900 Larry Kazimias. Where's Larry? 145 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:44,780 He's nocturnal. 146 00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:46,810 Oh, OK. 147 00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:50,180 Try and keep it down. Francis Gremp? 148 00:10:50,390 --> 00:10:53,120 Don't ever call me that. The name is Chainsaw. 149 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,450 - As in Black & Decker? - As in Texas Massacre. 150 00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:59,090 - Oh, yeah, that's in here. - It's in there. 151 00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:01,890 - They got files on us. - Pam House. 152 00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:08,290 Says here you lack concentration. 153 00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:12,840 Pam? 154 00:11:17,450 --> 00:11:19,070 Never mind. 155 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,910 Jerome Watkins. 156 00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:25,580 Computer said I failed that test. 157 00:11:25,790 --> 00:11:28,280 The computer made an error. 158 00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:32,320 I recommend this time, I pass. 159 00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:36,160 You're gonna do well, Jerome. I can feel it. 160 00:11:39,730 --> 00:11:43,190 - Alan Eakian. - Present, sir. 161 00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:46,370 Four brothers, two sisters, all straight-A students. 162 00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:48,040 What are you doing here? 163 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,180 I assume there was some sort of a baby mix-up at the hospital. 164 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,320 - Rhonda Altobello. - Here. 165 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,010 You went from C's to F's. What happened? 166 00:12:01,890 --> 00:12:03,320 Any other questions? 167 00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:05,320 No. 168 00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:09,360 - Denise Green. - What's that file say about me? 169 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:13,000 It's a lie. You wanna know about me, ask me. What you want to know? 170 00:12:14,670 --> 00:12:17,260 - Where are my car keys? - How would I know? 171 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,940 What, does that thing say I'm a thief too? 172 00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:23,770 All right, where are my car keys? 173 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,350 - Chainsaw? - Somewhere in this room. 174 00:12:29,550 --> 00:12:31,020 Right now you're very cold. 175 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,160 - You're really cold. - I want those keys. 176 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,520 Oh, God, you're freezing. 177 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:43,060 OK. OK, I'm a fun guy. I'll play along. 178 00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:46,560 - Getting warmer. - You are getting hot, man. 179 00:12:46,770 --> 00:12:49,100 - Oh, I see smoke. - You are on fire! 180 00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,640 Oh, you're walking on the sun! Ouch! Oh, wait. 181 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,810 My mistake, I forgot where I put them. You're ice-cold. 182 00:12:55,010 --> 00:12:56,240 Enough of this shit. 183 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,440 Does that mean we can swear in class? 184 00:12:58,650 --> 00:13:01,170 - Shit, yes! - Hey, watch your fucking language! 185 00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,480 Watch your language, fart-face! 186 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,020 - Where are my keys? - There's the dick-brain that knows. 187 00:13:10,230 --> 00:13:13,020 If I knew anything, would I be in this butt-hole class? 188 00:13:13,230 --> 00:13:14,860 Suck my loggerhead. 189 00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,390 Damn it! 190 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:20,060 - Jizzum-head! - Jizzum-head. Yeah, good one. 191 00:13:20,270 --> 00:13:21,570 One of my all-time faves. 192 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:24,730 Psychology. 193 00:13:24,940 --> 00:13:28,400 You give a child the license to swear, they lose all interest in it. 194 00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:30,870 - I certainly did. - You're full of bull. 195 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,550 It's OK, you can say "bullshit" in here. 196 00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:34,980 I'm grateful. 197 00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:37,670 I'm sure you're aware that I'm teaching next door. 198 00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:40,010 And this swearing is getting a little loud. 199 00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:43,850 You think you could concentrate on some obscene gestures for a while? 200 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,390 Yes! Yes, that's the idea. 201 00:13:48,530 --> 00:13:50,190 Thank you. 202 00:13:52,870 --> 00:13:54,270 I don't think she likes you. 203 00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:02,300 I want my car keys. 204 00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:07,280 I'm using the lavatory. 205 00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:13,780 - This is worse than a gas station. - Yeah, I think I have to go too. 206 00:14:13,990 --> 00:14:17,250 Wait a minute. Hey, wait a... My keys. 207 00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:19,390 Thattaboy, Mr. Shoop. 208 00:14:19,590 --> 00:14:21,820 Hey. Hey! 209 00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:26,400 OK, I'm calling roll and then I'm gonna... 210 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,330 Where's my roll sheet? 211 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:31,640 It's somewhere in this room. 212 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:41,010 Hey. Sorry about the noise. 213 00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:44,810 I'm really a gym teacher. I don't belong in a classroom. 214 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:47,450 Apology accepted. 215 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:49,950 See you later. 216 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,690 Let's start all over. Hi, I'm Freddy Shoop. 217 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:57,090 Look, you're a semi-charming guy and a snappy dresser. 218 00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:00,860 - You're not the kind of guy I date. - Yeah? What kind are you dating? 219 00:15:01,070 --> 00:15:04,040 - Oh, the kind who wears socks. - I got a pair somewhere. 220 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,870 White ones. So about dinner, 221 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,140 you like Italian? Mexican? Hey, maybe you'd rather cook. 222 00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:11,970 I'm not having dinner with you. 223 00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:13,510 - OK, lunch. - Robin. 224 00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:16,280 Excuse me just one second. 225 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,880 Robin, about tonight, the concert starts at 8. 226 00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:21,520 I thought we'd go to the beach and have a picnic. 227 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,890 - Watch the sunset. - Sounds wonderful. 228 00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:30,820 Oh, bye-bye, Freddy. 229 00:15:31,370 --> 00:15:34,700 I'll be darned. You're a heterosexual. 230 00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:36,730 And a damned good one. 231 00:15:38,610 --> 00:15:41,340 - Good luck, honey. - Thanks, Mom. 232 00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:43,770 OK, start her up. 233 00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,680 Make a right, please. 234 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:58,790 These photos suck. 235 00:15:59,630 --> 00:16:02,220 Weddings, graduations. 236 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,660 - Hoffman came in. - Yeah. 237 00:16:05,870 --> 00:16:08,130 It's more of the redhead with the tattoo. 238 00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:12,030 This time he's got her making breakfast stark raving naked. 239 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:13,870 Oh, Hoffman, you're so sick. 240 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,410 Check out this composition. 241 00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:20,740 Round English muffin, square butter, triangular bush. The man is an artist. 242 00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:23,850 - Reprints. - Reprints. 243 00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,450 Hi, I'd like to sign up for Lamaze classes. 244 00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:29,250 OK, how are Tuesday nights for you and your coach? 245 00:16:29,460 --> 00:16:33,020 - Perfect, but I don't have a coach. - Well, what about the father? 246 00:16:33,230 --> 00:16:37,190 Well, that's sort of confusing. It's either David Lee Roth, who's on tour, 247 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,230 or Sean Penn. And I'd really hate to upset Madonna. 248 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,230 Fill this out. 249 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,610 OK. How far did we get yesterday? 250 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,540 You took roll. 251 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:55,340 Right. That shouldn't take as long today. 252 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,250 Pam. 253 00:17:02,660 --> 00:17:06,650 - Mr. Shoop, I gotta book. - What? You just got here. 254 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,230 Yeah. 255 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:13,130 - It's a female thing. - Oh, yeah, I understand. 256 00:17:14,370 --> 00:17:16,840 Oh, man, she's going surfing! 257 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,000 I'm sure. 258 00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:24,840 Fuck. This menstruation deal, it's such a scam. 259 00:17:25,050 --> 00:17:26,540 Girls are so lucky. 260 00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:29,010 What? Oh, we're so lucky? 261 00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:32,580 You think being on your period is some picnic? Are you crazy? 262 00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:36,020 You get PMS, there's no room in your purse for no hairbrush 263 00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:37,850 because you got these mini pads. 264 00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:39,290 You are so ignorant! 265 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:43,730 This whole class is jammed with ignorance. 266 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,870 Yes, it is. Come in here, please. 267 00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:49,900 Mr. Shoop, this is our new foreign exchange student, 268 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,330 Anna-Maria Mazarelli. 269 00:17:51,540 --> 00:17:53,940 Anna-Maria is from Milan, Italy. 270 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:58,600 She would like to brush up her English skills before the fall semester begins. 271 00:17:59,610 --> 00:18:02,450 Well, I'll let you return to your rigorous pursuit 272 00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:03,880 of academic excellence. 273 00:18:04,090 --> 00:18:05,310 Please. 274 00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:09,380 Anna-Maria, welcome to America. You can sit wherever you want. 275 00:18:09,990 --> 00:18:11,220 You looking for a seat? 276 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,390 Well, now, this desk appears to be unoccupied. 277 00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:19,930 Grazie. 278 00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:32,300 OK, let's see what we got here. 279 00:18:33,510 --> 00:18:35,450 "Rules of grammar." 280 00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:37,810 "Writing paragraphs." 281 00:18:38,220 --> 00:18:40,310 God, I hate this stuff. 282 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,460 "Book reports." 283 00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:44,880 Wanna get out of here? Go to the library? 284 00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:46,320 - Yeah. - Yeah. 285 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,720 Let's go. 286 00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:50,830 I am Chainsaw. 287 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,330 Hi, Chainsaw. 288 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:54,870 - Hi, I'm Dave. - Ciao. 289 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,790 - Well, we love Italy. - Yeah. 290 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,840 - The pizza. - Mussolini. 291 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,470 - And Tony Bennett. - The Mafia. 292 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,010 Yeah. Chef Boyardee. 293 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,270 - Pinocchio. - Fellatio. 294 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,470 Oh, I don't like that. 295 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,670 - Well, have you ever tried it? - Sure. 296 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:14,580 Chef Boyardee, spaghetti in a can. It's so mushy. 297 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,530 Anna-Maria? 298 00:19:22,730 --> 00:19:26,190 Have you seen the movie Texas Chainsaw Massacre? 299 00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:29,270 No. It is good? 300 00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:32,440 Oh, I gotta tell you, I love this film. 301 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,170 It had passion and a plucky spirit. 302 00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:37,210 And the characters had integrity. 303 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:40,350 Like when Leatherface went on a strict diet of human flesh. 304 00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:43,380 - He had to cut out chicken and fish. - I agree with you. 305 00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:47,540 I'll go a step further. Leatherface wore a mask made out of human skin, 306 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,320 he hung people on meat hooks, but we've all got quirks. 307 00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:51,960 I've got them. You got them. 308 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,650 That's what makes this character so compelling. 309 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,330 - Thumbs up from me. - Same here. 310 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,630 - To sum it up, I'm Chainsaw. - I'm Dave. 311 00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:01,500 We'll see you at the movies. 312 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:06,240 - OK. - Let's go, people. 313 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,070 I found them at Winchell's. 314 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,470 Here, we all chipped in. 315 00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:14,080 Hey, jelly. I'm touched. 316 00:20:14,950 --> 00:20:17,850 This one was in the parking lot with a surfboard. 317 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,920 This is so humiliating. 318 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,750 Pam. 319 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,320 You know, I grew up surfing those same waves. 320 00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:29,260 Today was phenom. 321 00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:33,060 Three to four, breaking out of the south, glassy, light offshore breeze. 322 00:20:33,270 --> 00:20:34,600 Had to go for the ditch. 323 00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:38,170 Thanks. 324 00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,600 You're very spiritual. 325 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,510 But the rest of you clowns... 326 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:47,840 Hey, I gotta say something. This whole thing is a joke. 327 00:20:48,050 --> 00:20:50,420 There's a very valid reason for summer vacation. 328 00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:52,450 The human brain needs rest. 329 00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:55,050 Yeah. I mean, what are we doing here? 330 00:20:55,260 --> 00:20:59,420 - Really. I don't wanna be here. - Hey, look, this wasn't my idea. 331 00:21:00,230 --> 00:21:04,220 You guys aren't fired up about English. I wouldn't know what to do if you were. 332 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:08,100 But we're stuck here. We're trapped like rats. 333 00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:12,600 Anybody got any ideas? 334 00:21:13,710 --> 00:21:16,370 Why don't we take some field trips? 335 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,200 - Can we do that? - Sure, yeah. 336 00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:24,020 I got permission slips right here. 337 00:21:29,690 --> 00:21:31,160 OK, take these home, 338 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,420 have your mom or dad sign them, I'll see what I can do. 339 00:21:34,630 --> 00:21:37,060 - Done. - Same here. 340 00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:41,960 Good. 341 00:22:52,110 --> 00:22:54,070 The Screwdriver was a disappointment. 342 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,770 I was hoping for a headache or pounding temples, 343 00:22:57,980 --> 00:23:00,070 a blackout, but, you know, I feel fine. 344 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,440 Actually, my headache is gone. Thumbs down. 345 00:23:02,650 --> 00:23:05,710 I'm surprised. I found the Screwdriver simply delightful. 346 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,220 Fast corners. That third loop was a surprise. 347 00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:10,320 The line moved fast. 348 00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:13,150 Is he OK? 349 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,120 No, it appears that he's vomiting. 350 00:23:17,060 --> 00:23:19,360 That's a sure sign of a good ride. Thumbs up. 351 00:23:19,570 --> 00:23:21,590 Eakian, what did you eat? 352 00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:54,200 Don't be a pig. No. 353 00:24:00,810 --> 00:24:03,470 Hey! Hey, you slime. 354 00:24:03,740 --> 00:24:06,610 Stones' first farewell tour, '69. Get out of here. 355 00:24:06,810 --> 00:24:09,750 - Oh, wait. - He ripped my T-shirt. 356 00:24:09,950 --> 00:24:11,350 Oh, I can sew that. 357 00:24:11,550 --> 00:24:13,710 It's not necessary. Go away! 358 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,750 Nothing's necessary. I want to. 359 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,290 Great, I'll let you. 360 00:24:19,860 --> 00:24:24,160 Get them off! Get them off me! 361 00:24:26,530 --> 00:24:28,530 The bunnies from hell! 362 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,900 Oh, God! 363 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,870 Get away from me! 364 00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:40,370 Oh, dear! 365 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,590 - Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. - Thank you very much. 366 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,260 What is this? It's a lie. 367 00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:03,560 - We did this for you. - How did you like it? 368 00:25:03,770 --> 00:25:05,500 It's disgusting! 369 00:25:07,010 --> 00:25:08,800 I love it. 370 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,010 - What is that? - Oh, it's foam latex. 371 00:25:13,910 --> 00:25:15,440 Keep it. 372 00:25:15,650 --> 00:25:17,640 You guys. 373 00:25:24,590 --> 00:25:26,860 Next field trip, it's gotta be at the beach. 374 00:25:27,060 --> 00:25:30,190 We gotta see Anna-Maria in a bikini. It's very important. 375 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:31,830 I understand. 376 00:25:53,050 --> 00:25:54,610 Girl, this ain't the Riviera. 377 00:25:56,260 --> 00:25:57,750 Thank you. 378 00:25:59,790 --> 00:26:03,320 That was... That was... That was cruel. 379 00:26:05,070 --> 00:26:06,400 You OK? 380 00:26:30,930 --> 00:26:32,950 Come in, come in, Mrs. Eakian. 381 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,860 Now, how can I help you? 382 00:26:35,060 --> 00:26:38,000 Yesterday Alan came home nauseous, sneezing, 383 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,640 wheezing and itching, with goat hairs on his clothes. 384 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:43,300 He said he was at the museum, 385 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,030 - but I found this in his pocket. - Grandma... 386 00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:49,740 Is going on throw-up rides and rubbing barnyard animals 387 00:26:49,940 --> 00:26:51,740 your idea of quality education? 388 00:26:51,950 --> 00:26:53,440 - Grandma... - Certainly not. 389 00:26:53,650 --> 00:26:55,810 We'll talk to Mr. Shoop about this right now. 390 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:57,980 I may have used poor judgment. 391 00:26:58,190 --> 00:27:00,420 You actually used judgment. 392 00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:03,780 Do you realize if anything happened to these kids, the lawsuits? 393 00:27:03,990 --> 00:27:06,150 You could've bankrupt the entire district! 394 00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:09,020 And mess up your chance at election to state assembly? 395 00:27:09,230 --> 00:27:12,670 - Yes. - Don't wet your pants. Watch this. 396 00:27:12,870 --> 00:27:15,930 All you had to do was babysit some social deviants. 397 00:27:16,140 --> 00:27:17,730 Those deviants are great kids. 398 00:27:17,940 --> 00:27:20,430 I'm sure they'll grow up to be wonderful criminals. 399 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,080 - They're as smart as you and me. - You and I. 400 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,540 All of us. 401 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,710 You're suspended until Kelban returns and fires you. 402 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,220 What? 403 00:27:32,420 --> 00:27:35,910 Hey, this is your fault. You knew I couldn't teach. 404 00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:37,920 Goodbye, Mr. Shoop. 405 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:53,630 Gills, what if I become a model teacher? 406 00:27:59,310 --> 00:28:02,680 This is gonna be fun. OK. 407 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:06,050 You get every kid left in your class to pass that skills test 408 00:28:06,250 --> 00:28:08,410 and I'll forget about your field trips. 409 00:28:08,620 --> 00:28:10,390 Done. 410 00:28:12,990 --> 00:28:15,360 - They all have to pass? - It's called teaching. 411 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,190 If you don't know how to do that, 412 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,800 then I guess you don't deserve tenure. Do you? 413 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:24,670 I'll teach. 414 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,180 Morning, class. 415 00:28:34,620 --> 00:28:35,840 Nice tie! 416 00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:38,880 Oh, baby. 417 00:28:39,090 --> 00:28:42,580 Mr. Shoop, what's with the threads, man? You getting married? 418 00:28:42,790 --> 00:28:45,260 No, must be laundry day. Nothing else was clean. 419 00:28:45,460 --> 00:28:46,790 - Funeral? - Could we come? 420 00:28:46,990 --> 00:28:48,890 Please take your seats. 421 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,130 - Where should we take them? - Sit down, Francis. 422 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,640 From this moment forth, you people eat English, sleep English. 423 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:02,570 You are English. 424 00:29:02,780 --> 00:29:04,610 Oh, then pass the crumpets, old boy. 425 00:29:04,810 --> 00:29:06,370 I'm not kidding around. 426 00:29:06,580 --> 00:29:10,070 Anyone not interested in passing that exam can leave right now. 427 00:29:16,220 --> 00:29:17,590 The guy's been pretty cool. 428 00:29:17,790 --> 00:29:22,160 He called me Francis. Hasta luego, Placido Domingo. 429 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,890 Chainsaw, Dave, wait a minute. 430 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:30,330 Look, Gills is having a cow about our field trips. 431 00:29:30,540 --> 00:29:34,910 Unless you guys all pass that test, my job? Memorex. 432 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,000 Anybody got any ideas here? 433 00:29:37,210 --> 00:29:38,580 Get yourself some want ads. 434 00:29:38,780 --> 00:29:41,810 I don't care what your files say. You are not that dumb. 435 00:29:42,020 --> 00:29:45,850 Actually, Mr. Shoop, those files are usually right on the money. 436 00:29:46,050 --> 00:29:47,820 - You all feel that way? - I do. 437 00:29:49,090 --> 00:29:51,650 - I may as well go home. - Mr. Shoop? 438 00:29:51,860 --> 00:29:54,950 Look, we don't want you to lose your job. 439 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,520 Think about what you're asking. 440 00:29:57,730 --> 00:30:00,830 - You want us to study? - The thought did cross my mind. 441 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,630 - Well, what's in it for us? - Literacy. 442 00:30:04,570 --> 00:30:06,160 Oh, sorry, that's... 443 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,970 - I'd like to help. What can I do? - Give me your car. 444 00:30:12,180 --> 00:30:13,650 - Your house. - And your dog. 445 00:30:13,850 --> 00:30:17,250 - See you. - Wait, wait! Mr. Shoop, wait! 446 00:30:17,450 --> 00:30:18,880 There's room to negotiate. 447 00:30:19,650 --> 00:30:22,120 What if you granted each one of us one wish? 448 00:30:25,130 --> 00:30:27,090 What do you mean, "wish"? 449 00:30:27,290 --> 00:30:28,850 You know, like a favor. 450 00:30:29,060 --> 00:30:30,620 Does anybody need anything? 451 00:30:30,830 --> 00:30:34,130 I need somebody to work out with, in case I get back on the team. 452 00:30:34,330 --> 00:30:37,900 - I could use a Lamaze coach. - I need some driving lessons. Bad. 453 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:43,910 OK, there's two of us. Therefore, we get two. 454 00:30:44,110 --> 00:30:48,100 All right. One, a party, your house, Fourth of July weekend. 455 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:49,810 In Anna-Maria's honor. 456 00:30:50,020 --> 00:30:53,080 Number two, you arrange a screening, in class, 457 00:30:53,290 --> 00:30:54,850 of the greatest movie ever made. 458 00:30:55,060 --> 00:30:59,890 The 1973 Tobe Hooper classic The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 459 00:31:00,090 --> 00:31:02,760 - That is also in Anna-Maria's honor. - Thank you. 460 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,330 Now, then, is there anything that you desire? 461 00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:08,930 Oh, I don't deserve a wish. I don't take the test anyway. 462 00:31:09,140 --> 00:31:11,930 God, she is so honest. We'll take hers. 463 00:31:12,770 --> 00:31:17,300 Chauffeur service for Dave and I, every day, to and from work. 464 00:31:18,050 --> 00:31:20,010 Pam, what's your wish? 465 00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:24,580 I'll tell Mr. Shoop when the time is right. 466 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:30,850 Larry? 467 00:31:31,060 --> 00:31:35,720 - Larry, what do you want? - Bed. 468 00:31:36,430 --> 00:31:38,560 He wants a bed. 469 00:31:38,770 --> 00:31:42,860 As for myself, I just wanna be invited to the party. 470 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,910 - We'll see. - Good enough. 471 00:31:47,110 --> 00:31:49,800 I think these are fair and reasonable requests. 472 00:31:50,010 --> 00:31:54,280 In return, we'll show up, we'll pay attention 473 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,810 and we'll even do a little homework. 474 00:31:57,990 --> 00:32:00,680 - Is this contract acceptable to labor? - No doubt. 475 00:32:00,890 --> 00:32:03,120 - Yeah. - Does management agree? 476 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:07,380 - You sure I'm management? - For our purposes here, yes. 477 00:32:08,660 --> 00:32:11,500 Do we have a binding agreement? 478 00:32:12,700 --> 00:32:15,170 We got something. 479 00:32:15,370 --> 00:32:18,530 All right. Well, we put that baby to bed. 480 00:32:19,540 --> 00:32:24,000 Let's do lunch. I always wanted to say that. 481 00:32:24,850 --> 00:32:29,250 - Well, go ahead. Teach. - Right. 482 00:32:29,820 --> 00:32:31,780 Teach. 483 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,020 Don't anybody move. 484 00:32:35,390 --> 00:32:37,450 - The Non-Proliferation Treaty. - Beagman? 485 00:32:37,660 --> 00:32:40,420 - Excuse me, Miss Bishop. - Mr. Shoop. 486 00:32:40,630 --> 00:32:44,560 Shouldn't you be planning a field trip to 7-Eleven? 487 00:32:44,770 --> 00:32:47,060 I need your help. I know how you feel about me, 488 00:32:47,270 --> 00:32:49,900 but something really bizarre has happened to my kids. 489 00:32:50,100 --> 00:32:52,640 - Please. - All right. 490 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,830 If I get next door and there's a candlelight dinner, I'm calling security. 491 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,810 - Continue. - The 1970 Seabed Treaty. 492 00:33:00,010 --> 00:33:01,240 Do you own that suit? 493 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:11,260 - What did you do, pass out Valiums? - This is a natural lull. 494 00:33:11,460 --> 00:33:15,760 Interesting phenomenon. What do you want from me? 495 00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:18,860 How do you teach? 496 00:33:19,070 --> 00:33:23,560 - If you're serious, I'll help you. - Great. 497 00:33:23,770 --> 00:33:27,040 Meet me after school. We'll make plans for the weekend. 498 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:30,070 For the weekend? 499 00:33:31,180 --> 00:33:34,270 Big guy. OK. 500 00:33:40,390 --> 00:33:42,860 The easiest thing to do is base your lesson plans 501 00:33:43,060 --> 00:33:45,960 on the students' own experiences. 502 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,530 - I can do that. - Your life is probably very similar. 503 00:33:49,730 --> 00:33:53,390 Hardly. I'm telling you, you gotta try these Pop-Tarts. 504 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,260 No, thanks. 505 00:33:55,470 --> 00:33:58,060 I'm sticking with the Chocodiles. 506 00:33:58,270 --> 00:34:01,900 The best teachers are the teachers who entertain while they teach. 507 00:34:02,110 --> 00:34:05,340 - So you should do just fine. - You think I'm entertaining? 508 00:34:06,650 --> 00:34:08,480 To children. 509 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,520 - I gotta go. Time's up. - I know why you're helping me. 510 00:34:11,720 --> 00:34:14,690 - Professional courtesy. - No. You like me. 511 00:34:14,890 --> 00:34:17,580 - No, I don't. - Yes, you do. 512 00:34:17,790 --> 00:34:19,450 - No, I don't. - Yeah, you do. 513 00:34:19,660 --> 00:34:20,920 - Do not. - Do too. 514 00:34:21,130 --> 00:34:22,690 - Don't either. - Come on. 515 00:34:22,900 --> 00:34:25,090 - Don't you like me just a little bit? - No. 516 00:34:25,300 --> 00:34:27,490 Not even that much? 517 00:34:27,700 --> 00:34:30,230 I like you that much. 518 00:34:33,670 --> 00:34:35,940 It's a start. 519 00:34:39,250 --> 00:34:42,940 Now, someone tell me why learning how to write is so critical. 520 00:34:43,150 --> 00:34:49,490 - It's a form of communication. - Amen. And it can get you free stuff. 521 00:34:49,690 --> 00:34:53,820 - Free? - Free. I'm writing the word... 522 00:34:54,030 --> 00:34:58,360 ...free. Here's how it works. All of us have been ripped off, right? 523 00:34:58,570 --> 00:35:01,330 Pay phone steals money, not enough cheese on your pizza. 524 00:35:01,540 --> 00:35:03,970 - My shades keep falling apart. - Perfect. 525 00:35:04,170 --> 00:35:05,870 You're gonna write that company. 526 00:35:06,070 --> 00:35:08,770 You'll see action, if your letter is clearly written 527 00:35:08,980 --> 00:35:10,810 and threatens to hurt their business. 528 00:35:11,010 --> 00:35:13,170 And is signed, forgive me, Chainsaw, 529 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:17,710 "Mr. Francis Gremp, president, Consumer Against Faulty Eyewear." 530 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,720 You want me to lie? OK. 531 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:24,050 Anyone interested in learning the correct form, 532 00:35:24,260 --> 00:35:27,350 please turn to page 46 in your textbook. 533 00:35:30,460 --> 00:35:31,760 The shit works. 534 00:35:34,570 --> 00:35:36,370 Damn! 535 00:35:36,570 --> 00:35:38,770 Stupid son of a... 536 00:35:38,970 --> 00:35:44,040 - I'm not cut out to be a linebacker. - No, you're looking at my shoulders. 537 00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:49,180 Don't. Focus on my waist. OK? My waist. 538 00:35:49,380 --> 00:35:51,780 All right, try it again. Go on. 539 00:35:51,990 --> 00:35:56,550 That's good. Remember, I'm your teacher. 540 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:04,590 You wanna learn how to surf? 541 00:36:08,340 --> 00:36:10,570 - You sure you wanna do this? - Absolutely. 542 00:36:10,770 --> 00:36:14,000 Lamaze class, great place to meet girls. 543 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,110 OK, Denise, slide over. 544 00:36:27,450 --> 00:36:29,890 Oh, no, no, no. 545 00:36:30,090 --> 00:36:32,180 Is this some kind of sick, twisted joke? 546 00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:35,880 No, I'm combining Denise's driving lesson with your ride to the beach. 547 00:36:36,100 --> 00:36:38,830 We took driver training with Denise. Call us a cab. 548 00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:40,830 Get your grisly butts in the car. 549 00:36:41,030 --> 00:36:43,970 Man, let me drive. I'm going for my license next week. 550 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,730 - Chainsaw, you've been drinking. - No, it's cough medicine. 551 00:36:48,940 --> 00:36:51,500 Check out this phlegm. 552 00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:54,340 Save the phlegm. You're not driving anywhere. 553 00:36:54,550 --> 00:36:58,450 I'll tell you something. You know why so many drunk drivers get in wrecks? 554 00:36:58,650 --> 00:37:02,710 - They don't learn to drive drunk. - Fact: Alcohol kills brain cells. 555 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,950 You lose one more, you're a talking monkey. Come on, get in. 556 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,150 Come on. 557 00:37:12,530 --> 00:37:13,930 OK, Denise, start her up. 558 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:20,230 Signal left. Pull on out. 559 00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:26,300 Can I call my folks and say I won't be home... ever? 560 00:37:26,510 --> 00:37:28,040 I'm not used to this car. 561 00:37:38,260 --> 00:37:40,620 I think it's safe. 562 00:37:40,830 --> 00:37:42,620 Move it out. 563 00:37:42,830 --> 00:37:46,160 Nice and smooth. Oh, yeah, that's... 564 00:37:46,370 --> 00:37:49,030 Fine. Good. 565 00:38:00,510 --> 00:38:02,680 - Why did you do that? - A car was coming. 566 00:38:03,620 --> 00:38:06,280 Well, it'll happen from time to time. 567 00:38:06,490 --> 00:38:08,420 Come on, Denise, he won't bother us. 568 00:38:13,290 --> 00:38:16,390 We just got lapped by an old lady with a walker. 569 00:38:16,830 --> 00:38:18,990 - See that space between those cars? - Yeah. 570 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:21,930 - Pull in. - Parallel park? That's my weak spot. 571 00:38:22,140 --> 00:38:24,430 Listen to her. 572 00:38:24,770 --> 00:38:26,740 OK. 573 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,780 - I'm sober now. - That's good for today. 574 00:38:38,990 --> 00:38:40,210 - We live! - We live! 575 00:38:45,290 --> 00:38:46,820 It's beautiful. 576 00:38:47,030 --> 00:38:49,890 Enough safe and sane. It's time for dumb and dangerous. 577 00:38:50,100 --> 00:38:53,730 These are Mexican. You do not know what's in these babies. 578 00:38:56,370 --> 00:38:58,500 Hey, get me a brew. 579 00:39:06,750 --> 00:39:08,910 Coming through. 580 00:39:09,720 --> 00:39:13,120 Anna-Maria, as far as we know, this has never, ever been attempted. 581 00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:18,260 Anna-Maria, we dedicate these cantaloupe to you. 582 00:39:18,930 --> 00:39:22,160 You make fruit bombs for me? Oh, how sweet. 583 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:27,270 - Melon balls, coming up! - We're gonna make these babies fly! 584 00:39:37,710 --> 00:39:39,870 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 585 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:41,550 You're awake. I wanna talk. 586 00:39:41,750 --> 00:39:44,440 - Not now, babe, I'm late. - Late for what? 587 00:39:50,390 --> 00:39:52,520 What's it like being pregnant? 588 00:39:52,730 --> 00:39:55,700 - Bizarre. - Yeah, that's what I thought. 589 00:39:56,560 --> 00:40:00,860 My body is out of control and it's big and ugly. 590 00:40:01,070 --> 00:40:04,760 - I think you look great. - Sure, in the dark. 591 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:09,930 How much longer? 592 00:40:12,510 --> 00:40:14,280 About five weeks. 593 00:40:14,910 --> 00:40:18,510 - It's gonna be amazing. - Yeah, I know. 594 00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:21,080 You'll be a mother. 595 00:40:22,060 --> 00:40:23,280 Yeah. 596 00:40:23,490 --> 00:40:26,620 Eakian, this party's getting weak. 597 00:40:26,830 --> 00:40:28,820 Do something wild. Take all your clothes off. 598 00:40:29,030 --> 00:40:31,900 Why? You want everyone to go home? 599 00:40:34,970 --> 00:40:37,400 You're almost fun tonight. 600 00:40:43,010 --> 00:40:45,170 Almost. 601 00:40:48,750 --> 00:40:51,340 - You all right? - Yeah. Come on in. 602 00:40:51,550 --> 00:40:53,990 I'm just resting up. Too much fun. 603 00:40:54,190 --> 00:40:56,210 It's all sewn. 604 00:40:56,420 --> 00:40:59,050 Hey, thanks. That's great. 605 00:41:01,900 --> 00:41:07,330 - I feel so at home here. - Yeah, me too. 606 00:41:07,530 --> 00:41:09,660 Yeah. 607 00:41:11,370 --> 00:41:14,200 The grunion are running tonight. 608 00:41:14,970 --> 00:41:19,540 In the dead of night, under a full moon, 609 00:41:19,750 --> 00:41:23,510 thousands of horny little fish swim hundreds of miles 610 00:41:23,720 --> 00:41:26,280 to ball their brains out in the sand. 611 00:41:26,490 --> 00:41:27,890 It's so romantic. 612 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,190 You ever do that with one of your students? 613 00:41:35,430 --> 00:41:39,920 No. I swim hundreds of miles, I'm ready for a nap. 614 00:41:42,270 --> 00:41:44,100 Who's that? 615 00:41:44,300 --> 00:41:49,070 Oh, it's Kim. She's sort of my girlfriend. 616 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:53,540 - "Sort of"? - Well, she's in Hawaii. 617 00:41:55,580 --> 00:41:59,950 So you're all alone and you like young girls. 618 00:42:00,890 --> 00:42:03,120 Kim's not that young. She's 21. 619 00:42:03,690 --> 00:42:06,990 I'm 16. And you should consider that. 620 00:42:07,190 --> 00:42:10,920 Because there's, like, no difference between 21 and 16 now, 621 00:42:11,130 --> 00:42:16,570 but when she's 66, I'll only be 61. 622 00:42:17,300 --> 00:42:20,740 And I'll be 75 and it won't matter anyway. 623 00:42:24,710 --> 00:42:26,340 Yeah. 624 00:42:39,460 --> 00:42:42,690 Come on, Pam. Time for more fun. 625 00:42:43,700 --> 00:42:45,790 Wondermutt! 626 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:57,700 Out of my way! 627 00:42:57,910 --> 00:43:01,970 Watch your ass, folks! Banzai! 628 00:43:16,100 --> 00:43:19,060 - Oh, shit. - Fire! 629 00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,200 Do something! 630 00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:32,140 - Jesus Christ, my couch is on fire! - Come on, Dave. 631 00:43:32,350 --> 00:43:34,180 What? What? What? 632 00:43:47,030 --> 00:43:50,120 - All right, we took care of it. - My fish! 633 00:43:50,330 --> 00:43:52,260 - How many were there? - One. 634 00:43:54,230 --> 00:43:55,720 Poor fishy. 635 00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:59,730 Get rid of that couch. That is a definite fire hazard. 636 00:43:59,940 --> 00:44:01,770 - Definitely. - Party's over. 637 00:44:01,980 --> 00:44:04,030 It was just getting good. We got a fire... 638 00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:05,870 Good night! 639 00:44:06,510 --> 00:44:08,210 One little fire. 640 00:44:09,050 --> 00:44:11,110 Big deal. 641 00:44:19,290 --> 00:44:22,990 - Minors drinking on the beach. - Seriously, we never do this. 642 00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:27,600 Boy, never, ever. There's our English teacher, let's ask him. 643 00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:31,240 Mr. Shoop, sir, could you come here just a moment, please? 644 00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:33,100 - Hey, guys. - Hi. 645 00:44:33,310 --> 00:44:35,970 - What's up? - Found these boys with alcohol. 646 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:40,410 That alcohol, officer? Oh, that's not theirs. 647 00:44:41,250 --> 00:44:42,980 Whose is it? 648 00:44:45,310 --> 00:44:48,680 It's mine. See, I live in that house right there 649 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,510 and they were just watching my stuff. 650 00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:53,270 That's right. It's his. 651 00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:57,040 We should never have taken those little baby sips. That was wrong. 652 00:44:57,250 --> 00:44:59,690 God, so very, very wrong. 653 00:44:59,890 --> 00:45:03,090 I think they learned one hell of a lesson, officer. 654 00:45:03,290 --> 00:45:06,920 Next time you boys encounter alcohol, remember you're underage. 655 00:45:07,630 --> 00:45:10,000 - Yes, sir, we will. - Yeah, of course, thank... 656 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,000 Thank you. 657 00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:15,400 - Well, we're off to do our homework. - Yeah. Thank you. Bye. 658 00:45:15,610 --> 00:45:18,100 - We shouldn't have tried this. - It was a mistake. 659 00:45:18,310 --> 00:45:21,440 That was bad. We should've just said no. 660 00:45:22,780 --> 00:45:24,580 - You guys are good men. - Thank you. 661 00:45:24,780 --> 00:45:26,150 Thank you. 662 00:45:27,380 --> 00:45:31,120 You're under arrest for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. 663 00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,790 - Officer, that's not really my vodka. - Is that your dog? 664 00:45:35,690 --> 00:45:38,530 - Yeah. - No dogs on the beach, $50 fine. 665 00:45:38,730 --> 00:45:41,250 He's not really my dog. He just thinks he's my dog. 666 00:45:41,460 --> 00:45:42,990 No, he's a neighborhood dog. 667 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:46,100 He hangs out at my place because there's garbage there. 668 00:45:46,300 --> 00:45:49,330 He's a scavenger. He'll eat anything. He's a beach dog, really. 669 00:45:49,540 --> 00:45:50,900 Go away, beach dog. 670 00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:56,070 Do you have a cell for beginners? 671 00:45:59,850 --> 00:46:03,310 - Boogie boy. - Bunk in here. 672 00:46:04,050 --> 00:46:07,490 - Moondoggie. - Yeah. 673 00:46:08,660 --> 00:46:09,890 Who wants gum? 674 00:46:12,460 --> 00:46:14,430 Leave your message after the beep. 675 00:46:14,870 --> 00:46:17,530 Robin, it's your pal, Shoop. 676 00:46:17,730 --> 00:46:20,460 I can't leave my number because I'm downtown in jail. 677 00:46:20,670 --> 00:46:22,370 - Jail? - What, you're surprised? 678 00:46:22,570 --> 00:46:27,340 I got arrested in my swim trunks, so I need 50 bucks and a pair of shoes. 679 00:46:27,540 --> 00:46:30,840 Listen, please don't mention this to that bite in the ass Gills. 680 00:46:31,050 --> 00:46:33,380 You're an angel. Dinner, dancing, Paris... 681 00:46:33,580 --> 00:46:35,110 Hello, Mr. Shoop. 682 00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,120 - Who is this? - The bite in the ass. 683 00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:43,220 When I say "bite in the ass", I mean that in the nicest possible way. 684 00:46:43,430 --> 00:46:44,760 Can I talk to Robin? 685 00:46:45,130 --> 00:46:48,960 I'm afraid Robin and I are on our way out of town. 686 00:46:49,170 --> 00:46:51,730 But don't worry, we'll be right over. 687 00:46:52,670 --> 00:46:55,040 He's still a human being, Phillip. 688 00:46:55,240 --> 00:46:57,600 We have a very long drive. If we go downtown now, 689 00:46:57,810 --> 00:47:00,540 we'll be stuck in traffic. And that's OK with me, 690 00:47:00,740 --> 00:47:05,880 because we'll be helping Shoop and you won't think I'm a shit. Right? 691 00:47:08,220 --> 00:47:10,210 Am I in really big trouble? 692 00:47:10,420 --> 00:47:13,150 Arrested for contributing to the delinquency of minors? 693 00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:15,550 You're not a hero. 694 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:17,620 What is this? 695 00:47:17,830 --> 00:47:19,420 I made a new friend. 696 00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:24,630 Mr. Shoop, I do hope we can get you out of this ugly mess. And it is ugly. 697 00:47:24,830 --> 00:47:28,000 Mr. Shoop's been making a lot of progress in his class, Phillip. 698 00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:31,700 It's true. I've been handing out assignments and the kids turn them in. 699 00:47:31,910 --> 00:47:35,210 - It's almost like school in there. - I've heard. And I'm proud. 700 00:47:35,410 --> 00:47:38,400 Confirms all my instincts about him. He's my boy. 701 00:47:39,750 --> 00:47:42,950 Robin, let's get out of here. 702 00:47:43,150 --> 00:47:45,420 We're on our way to wine country. 703 00:47:45,620 --> 00:47:49,580 You kids have fun. 704 00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,430 See those waves, Wondermutt? 705 00:48:03,370 --> 00:48:05,770 They're from Hawaii. 706 00:48:05,980 --> 00:48:08,600 Kim's in Hawaii. 707 00:48:09,610 --> 00:48:12,480 Robin's in the wine country. 708 00:48:14,350 --> 00:48:18,120 You know what we need? I mean, besides bread. 709 00:48:18,990 --> 00:48:22,550 We need a woman who will appreciate 710 00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:24,920 what we have to offer. 711 00:48:25,130 --> 00:48:27,390 A woman of culture... 712 00:48:28,430 --> 00:48:29,730 ...intellect. 713 00:48:30,070 --> 00:48:33,040 Shake those buns, baby! 714 00:48:38,580 --> 00:48:43,310 Bring those buns over here. Mama's got some software for you, baby. 715 00:48:46,550 --> 00:48:49,540 Excuse me. I'm with Playgirl magazine. 716 00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:52,890 Survey me later, I'm trying to concentrate. Come on, baby. 717 00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,320 Thanks for your time. 718 00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:02,390 Shoot them buns over here. 719 00:49:09,710 --> 00:49:11,260 Hey! 720 00:49:15,050 --> 00:49:17,570 Hey, cowboy! Don't I know you? 721 00:49:17,780 --> 00:49:21,050 Hey, back off, hair-bag, this is ladies' night. 722 00:49:23,620 --> 00:49:25,680 I love him, I love him, I love him. 723 00:49:25,890 --> 00:49:27,250 Larry! 724 00:49:28,190 --> 00:49:30,630 Mr. Shoop. What are you doing here? 725 00:49:30,830 --> 00:49:33,690 What am I doing here? You do this every night? 726 00:49:33,900 --> 00:49:35,830 Well, we have Mondays off. 727 00:49:36,030 --> 00:49:39,060 Listen, man, you can't tell anybody, OK? They think I'm 21. 728 00:49:39,270 --> 00:49:43,900 You were fabulous. This is from both of us. 729 00:49:44,110 --> 00:49:46,340 I'm in the wrong business. But about school, 730 00:49:46,540 --> 00:49:49,940 if you could sneak in a couple hours' sleep, you'd catch up. 731 00:49:50,150 --> 00:49:52,510 Mr. Shoop, man, think about what you're saying. 732 00:49:52,720 --> 00:49:54,340 I mean, if you could be 17 again, 733 00:49:54,550 --> 00:49:57,250 only you knew then what you know now. 734 00:49:57,450 --> 00:50:00,580 - Yeah. - Well, I know. 735 00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:04,920 I hate that kid. 736 00:50:05,660 --> 00:50:10,860 "Who we admire most in the world and why. 737 00:50:11,070 --> 00:50:14,330 "The person we admire most in the world is makeup artist 738 00:50:14,540 --> 00:50:16,440 "and creature creator Rick Baker." 739 00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,540 "His wonderfully gruesome slime bladders and slobber tubes 740 00:50:19,740 --> 00:50:24,480 "in American Werewolf in London won him a richly deserved Oscar. 741 00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:29,180 "That is why we admire makeup artist and creature creator Rick Baker 742 00:50:29,390 --> 00:50:31,950 "very, very, very, very, very, very..." 743 00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:34,250 "Very, very, very, very, very..." 744 00:50:34,460 --> 00:50:38,150 "Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very..." 745 00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:41,460 "Very, very, very, very, very much." 746 00:50:41,660 --> 00:50:44,690 - It's 100 words on the nose. - You can count if you want. 747 00:50:44,900 --> 00:50:47,770 "It is not easy to pick the person I admire most. 748 00:50:47,970 --> 00:50:50,000 "I admire people for different reasons. 749 00:50:50,210 --> 00:50:55,110 "The way they surf or teach English from the heart or help the homeless. 750 00:50:55,310 --> 00:50:58,250 "To pick one person is so unfair to everyone else. 751 00:50:58,450 --> 00:51:00,810 "Isn't there enough pain in the world?" 752 00:51:01,020 --> 00:51:04,980 Since there's no one I admire most, this is about a person I admire least, 753 00:51:05,190 --> 00:51:07,520 my ex-boyfriend, Andre. 754 00:51:07,720 --> 00:51:10,120 If he tells you he broke up with me, he's lying, 755 00:51:10,330 --> 00:51:12,790 because I told him to get out of my face first. 756 00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:16,020 You know how I could tell when he's lying? His lips move. 757 00:51:16,230 --> 00:51:19,930 I'm serious. He's so in love with himself, he ought to be dating a mirror. 758 00:51:20,140 --> 00:51:21,760 He's in skin-tight leather pants, 759 00:51:21,970 --> 00:51:25,700 thinking he's Rick James' little brother. Give the world a break. 760 00:51:26,110 --> 00:51:28,980 - Denise, can I have your paper? - No. 761 00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:33,650 - No? - Well, I had to memorize my essay 762 00:51:33,850 --> 00:51:35,680 due to the fact I was mugged by a gang 763 00:51:35,890 --> 00:51:37,720 looking for money and homework. 764 00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:39,980 That happens. 765 00:51:42,330 --> 00:51:46,890 OK, gang, mark your calendars. Field trip next Monday. 766 00:51:47,100 --> 00:51:49,160 Where are we going, cockfights? 767 00:51:50,030 --> 00:51:52,090 Courthouse. 768 00:51:52,300 --> 00:51:57,070 Your teacher was arrested for giving vodka to some kids. 769 00:51:58,410 --> 00:52:00,900 You and Dave won't want to miss it. 770 00:52:01,110 --> 00:52:04,200 - You went to jail for us? - On roller skates. 771 00:52:04,410 --> 00:52:06,610 Thanks, man. 772 00:52:26,340 --> 00:52:28,270 Pam? 773 00:52:28,470 --> 00:52:30,440 Hi. 774 00:52:32,780 --> 00:52:34,110 What are you doing here? 775 00:52:34,310 --> 00:52:38,080 Remember I said I'd tell you my wish when the time was right? It's right. 776 00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:43,120 - Your wish is to move in with me? - I'm a great cook. 777 00:52:48,630 --> 00:52:50,920 I won't get in your way. 778 00:52:51,130 --> 00:52:54,060 You know we connect. 779 00:52:54,260 --> 00:52:58,170 - Pam, look, my place is very small. - It's perfect. 780 00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:02,430 Look, Tommy, that's my brother, he had another kid 781 00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:06,600 and Angela, she's his wife, wants to move the twins back into Gail's room 782 00:53:06,810 --> 00:53:09,400 and put Sally in the den, so I lose the couch. 783 00:53:09,610 --> 00:53:13,310 - Yeah, well, my couch is barbecued. - The floor is fine. 784 00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:17,080 Mr. Shoop, everybody else got their wish. 785 00:53:22,430 --> 00:53:25,450 OK, Pam. 786 00:53:25,660 --> 00:53:27,650 If I let you stay here, 787 00:53:27,860 --> 00:53:30,990 it's only temporary until you find another place, OK? 788 00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:35,530 I can stay. 789 00:53:35,740 --> 00:53:37,830 Who are you talking to? 790 00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:41,640 This is Tommy and Angela and Gail and Sally and Sly 791 00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:45,340 and the twins, Chuck and Bob, and Tommy, Jr. 792 00:53:45,550 --> 00:53:46,780 This is Mr. Shoop. 793 00:53:46,980 --> 00:53:48,750 - How are you? - Pleased to meet you. 794 00:53:52,590 --> 00:53:55,520 She screams so well. 795 00:53:56,730 --> 00:53:59,220 Oh, don't be a wuss. 796 00:53:59,430 --> 00:54:01,360 Shut up! 797 00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:03,260 Run, run. 798 00:54:03,470 --> 00:54:06,030 Larry! Larry, wake up, you're missing this. 799 00:54:06,240 --> 00:54:09,500 Larry's not missing a thing. Let him sleep. 800 00:54:09,710 --> 00:54:12,370 - There he is. - Leatherface, Leatherface. 801 00:54:13,580 --> 00:54:15,570 Oh, no. 802 00:54:17,350 --> 00:54:20,510 That's not a real person. It's a stuntman. 803 00:54:21,020 --> 00:54:24,280 OK, now, this... This right here isn't gonna bother him, 804 00:54:24,490 --> 00:54:27,290 because he's insane, OK? 805 00:54:32,660 --> 00:54:34,460 Good Lord. 806 00:54:34,660 --> 00:54:36,630 - What are you watching? - Do the dance. 807 00:54:36,830 --> 00:54:39,830 A new film from the district, Safe Use of Power Tools. 808 00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:42,560 Delivery. I don't want to know what this is, do I? 809 00:54:42,770 --> 00:54:45,070 No, probably not. 810 00:54:45,310 --> 00:54:47,110 Come on. 811 00:54:47,310 --> 00:54:50,040 - What a finish, ladies and gentlemen. - It was great. 812 00:54:50,250 --> 00:54:51,770 What did you think of that? 813 00:54:51,980 --> 00:54:54,780 - God, it was really American. - American, yes. 814 00:54:54,980 --> 00:54:58,550 It's an American masterpiece. 815 00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,820 Talk about gutsy endings. The girl gets away 816 00:55:02,020 --> 00:55:04,290 and our hero, Leatherface, chainsaws his legs. 817 00:55:04,490 --> 00:55:06,760 - Two thumbs up. - Make that four for gore. 818 00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:09,160 Listen up, I wanna read you something: 819 00:55:09,370 --> 00:55:12,430 "Dear Mr. Francis Gremp, thank you for informing us 820 00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,160 "of your problem with our Cool Dude sunglasses." 821 00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:17,070 It worked. 822 00:55:17,270 --> 00:55:20,040 "Please accept these Cool Dudes with our compliments." 823 00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:23,300 All right, it's Christmastime. Free glasses. 824 00:55:23,510 --> 00:55:24,950 - Are these free? - Yes. 825 00:55:25,150 --> 00:55:27,240 "We know you'll find them well-constructed 826 00:55:27,450 --> 00:55:31,320 "and we hope your organization will see no need to boycott. 827 00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:35,550 "Sincerely, Wayne Appleton, president, Cool Dude, Inc." 828 00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:39,290 - All right, the power of the pen. - Hey, thanks, Chainsaw. 829 00:55:39,500 --> 00:55:43,560 Hey, Eakian. Eakian. Man, you think you can help me with my letter, 830 00:55:43,770 --> 00:55:45,170 make it sound official? 831 00:55:45,370 --> 00:55:47,730 Sure, Denise. 832 00:55:48,470 --> 00:55:51,000 You wanna give it to me? 833 00:55:57,180 --> 00:55:58,610 OK, tonight, for homework, 834 00:55:58,820 --> 00:56:02,340 write a review of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 835 00:56:04,290 --> 00:56:06,220 Rhonda? 836 00:56:07,860 --> 00:56:11,820 If you're not doing anything tomorrow, I thought we could do something. 837 00:56:12,030 --> 00:56:14,860 Oh, I have Lamaze class tomorrow night. 838 00:56:15,060 --> 00:56:19,230 - Do you wanna go with me? - What about Mr. Shoop? 839 00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:23,000 Oh, he won't care. I mean, if you don't mind being my coach. 840 00:56:23,740 --> 00:56:27,400 - I wouldn't mind at all. - Great. 841 00:56:27,610 --> 00:56:29,740 Great. 842 00:56:30,580 --> 00:56:32,510 See you, Eak. 843 00:56:33,450 --> 00:56:35,380 Mr. Shoop... 844 00:56:37,020 --> 00:56:42,920 ...you should see this, but you can't let Denise know I showed you. OK? 845 00:56:43,130 --> 00:56:44,820 OK. 846 00:56:55,100 --> 00:56:57,600 Shoop, this girl's dyslexic. 847 00:56:57,810 --> 00:56:59,740 What? That's not in her file. 848 00:56:59,940 --> 00:57:02,780 This is serious. You gotta get her some help. 849 00:57:03,980 --> 00:57:06,470 How could she get this far with no one finding out? 850 00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:08,870 She slipped through the system. 851 00:57:09,090 --> 00:57:11,680 What happens when she gets out in the real world? 852 00:57:11,890 --> 00:57:16,350 Wait! Is this the same guy that took his English class to the petting zoo? 853 00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:20,090 - How'd you get those kids to work? - Bribed them. 854 00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:24,590 What would it take to have dinner with you? 855 00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:26,600 That would be very expensive. 856 00:57:32,810 --> 00:57:36,440 - I'm having dinner with Gills. - Big Phil again, huh? 857 00:57:36,650 --> 00:57:38,880 Robin, be honest, isn't he a bite in the ass? 858 00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:43,250 No, he's not a bite in the ass. He happens to be very... 859 00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:50,490 ...articulate... cultured... 860 00:57:50,690 --> 00:57:53,420 ...extraordinarily tidy. 861 00:57:53,630 --> 00:57:56,460 Tall, dark and tidy. That's a magic combination. 862 00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:00,460 - You're not in love. - None of your business. 863 00:58:00,670 --> 00:58:01,900 - Sure, it is. - No. 864 00:58:02,100 --> 00:58:04,400 Tell me you love him, I'll stop asking you out. 865 00:58:04,840 --> 00:58:07,670 How am I gonna tell you I love him when it's so new? 866 00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:11,440 I knew it. See, Robin, he is not the guy for you. 867 00:58:11,850 --> 00:58:15,410 You need an intelligent, sensitive man who can skate. 868 00:58:15,620 --> 00:58:19,880 - Do you know such a guy? - Oh, they're hard to find. 869 00:58:20,090 --> 00:58:22,390 But now that I know, I'll keep my eye out. 870 00:58:22,630 --> 00:58:24,560 Would you? 871 00:58:24,930 --> 00:58:26,990 Looking good, Denise. Good luck. 872 00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:31,690 Sir, you are really gonna earn your money today. 873 00:58:36,610 --> 00:58:38,400 - Francis Gremp? - Call me Chainsaw. 874 00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:42,310 - You're up next. - Can you hold on a sec? 875 00:58:42,510 --> 00:58:44,640 Dad's late. He's so irresponsible. 876 00:58:44,850 --> 00:58:50,080 I said, "Dad, 3:00 sharp." But no, it's just in one ear, out the other. 877 00:58:50,290 --> 00:58:51,510 I need your car. 878 00:58:52,250 --> 00:58:55,690 - You wanna use my car? - I'm under adult supervision. 879 00:58:59,660 --> 00:59:01,720 Chainsaw, you take your test 880 00:59:01,930 --> 00:59:05,030 and you bring my car right back here to me. 881 00:59:05,970 --> 00:59:08,800 You make me proud to be an American. Dave, kiss this man. 882 00:59:09,010 --> 00:59:12,630 You, come with me. No, no, you stay there. I'll bring the car to you. 883 00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:16,300 Can you back this up? I'm taking a test. Just move all the way back. 884 00:59:23,290 --> 00:59:25,650 - What? What'd I do? - Don't worry about me. 885 00:59:25,860 --> 00:59:28,760 See those cars on the right? Go ahead and park in between. 886 00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,360 What do you mean? You mean parallel park? 887 00:59:31,660 --> 00:59:34,530 - Something wrong? - No, nothing. 888 00:59:51,010 --> 00:59:52,480 Yeah. 889 00:59:54,020 --> 00:59:56,480 We going on the freeway? 890 00:59:56,690 --> 00:59:59,590 I think we'll just stay in the neighborhood. 891 01:00:03,430 --> 01:00:05,520 Why are you driving with only one hand? 892 01:00:05,830 --> 01:00:09,320 Oh, this hand's gotta be free to put around the babes. 893 01:00:10,530 --> 01:00:13,330 - Are you marking me off for that? - Watch the dip! 894 01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:15,930 That dip? 895 01:00:16,370 --> 01:00:18,840 Hey, you crazy? 896 01:00:19,210 --> 01:00:22,340 Don't you ever, ever yell at the driver! Do you hear me? 897 01:00:22,550 --> 01:00:25,110 - Where are you going? - Back. The test is over. 898 01:00:25,350 --> 01:00:27,320 No way! 899 01:00:28,450 --> 01:00:29,940 That was your fault. 900 01:00:30,150 --> 01:00:32,550 This is bullshit. Come on. 901 01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:35,950 I stayed sober for this. You can't do this. 902 01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:39,180 Come back, you dumb dildo. Wait, no, you're not a dildo. 903 01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:43,300 I was joking. That was a joke. Come on, be cool. One more chance? 904 01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:45,800 Wait. 905 01:00:46,570 --> 01:00:50,800 You lost points for driving too slow and not accepting the right of way. 906 01:00:51,010 --> 01:00:53,980 - Failed again. - 70 is passing. 907 01:00:54,180 --> 01:00:55,670 Seventy-two. 908 01:00:56,850 --> 01:00:59,110 - I passed? - You passed. 909 01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:02,110 I passed! Oh, I passed! I passed! 910 01:01:02,990 --> 01:01:05,250 Shoop, I passed! 911 01:01:05,450 --> 01:01:07,680 I passed! 912 01:01:08,860 --> 01:01:12,520 - I passed! God, I passed! Thanks! - I'm proud of you. Congratulations. 913 01:01:12,730 --> 01:01:15,960 - I couldn't have done it without you. - Now, you drove the car. 914 01:01:16,170 --> 01:01:18,570 - Look, I owe you one, all right? - Yeah? 915 01:01:18,770 --> 01:01:20,400 Yeah. 916 01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:23,230 OK. Tell you something you can do for me. 917 01:01:23,710 --> 01:01:25,440 - What? - Get help with reading. 918 01:01:25,640 --> 01:01:27,110 - Man. - Listen, Denise. 919 01:01:27,310 --> 01:01:30,140 What you have is a learning disorder called dyslexia. 920 01:01:30,350 --> 01:01:33,440 You need to retrain your brain to deal with information. 921 01:01:33,650 --> 01:01:35,640 - There's a specialist. - I'm doing fine. 922 01:01:35,850 --> 01:01:39,750 Yeah, you are. But you could be doing so much better. 923 01:01:40,020 --> 01:01:42,150 But that's up to you. 924 01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:44,150 Hey. 925 01:01:44,790 --> 01:01:46,960 - Think about it, OK? - OK, free film. 926 01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,500 Free developing. Come on, what more could you want? 927 01:01:50,700 --> 01:01:52,330 Here. 928 01:01:52,540 --> 01:01:57,000 Look, my dad's a butcher. You like veal cutlets from Minnesota? Milk-fed. 929 01:02:15,190 --> 01:02:18,020 Hi, honey, how was your day? 930 01:02:18,690 --> 01:02:20,560 Hectic. 931 01:02:20,900 --> 01:02:24,460 - Boy, something smells good. - The manicotti. 932 01:02:24,670 --> 01:02:28,540 Perfect timing. Why don't you start on the cheese and crackers. 933 01:02:30,170 --> 01:02:31,900 Yeah. It's open. 934 01:02:32,110 --> 01:02:34,130 - Hi. - Hey. 935 01:02:34,340 --> 01:02:37,240 I just brought this Ray Bradbury book. 936 01:02:37,450 --> 01:02:39,810 - Maybe I should come back later. - Why? 937 01:02:42,080 --> 01:02:44,050 - Hi, Miss Bishop. - Hi. 938 01:02:45,620 --> 01:02:49,150 Oh, Robin, Pam House, one of my students. 939 01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:51,420 Pam, Robin Bishop. 940 01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:54,850 - Hi. - Hi, Pam. 941 01:02:56,570 --> 01:03:00,400 Freddy, I didn't make enough for three. If you plan on inviting company, 942 01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:02,800 - I wish you'd let me know. - No, he wasn't. 943 01:03:03,010 --> 01:03:05,030 I stopped by to help him with a lesson. 944 01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:08,270 - But we can do that in the morning. - Morning's much better. 945 01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:11,240 I'll make French toast for us. Do you like French toast? 946 01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:13,410 I bet she makes great French toast. 947 01:03:13,620 --> 01:03:16,710 - I actually meant morning at school. - Oh, fine. 948 01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:20,250 - It was nice to meet you, Pam. - You too. 949 01:03:25,930 --> 01:03:27,190 Robin? 950 01:03:27,930 --> 01:03:32,030 I know this is none of my business, but what the hell is going on in there? 951 01:03:32,230 --> 01:03:35,140 There's nothing going on in there. Remember those bribes? 952 01:03:35,340 --> 01:03:38,600 - Well, Pam needed a place to stay. - How long has she been here? 953 01:03:38,810 --> 01:03:41,070 A couple of days. 954 01:03:41,310 --> 01:03:44,110 My laundry's never smelled so good. Here, take a whiff. 955 01:03:44,310 --> 01:03:47,110 Oh, I'm sure it's April fresh. 956 01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:49,480 I just hope having a maid 957 01:03:49,690 --> 01:03:52,250 is worth the damage you could do to that young girl. 958 01:03:53,520 --> 01:03:55,720 See you tomorrow. 959 01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:05,500 - All ready. - Great. 960 01:04:05,700 --> 01:04:10,100 - French or Italian? - French. 961 01:04:10,310 --> 01:04:12,170 I knew it. 962 01:04:13,910 --> 01:04:17,740 - Pam, we gotta talk. - Sure. What's up? 963 01:04:19,210 --> 01:04:23,650 - I think you are a great girl. - And I think you're a great guy. 964 01:04:25,420 --> 01:04:27,120 God, this is hard. 965 01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:30,020 Freddy, go ahead. You can tell me anything. 966 01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:36,630 OK. You know how, when you're on your board, 967 01:04:36,830 --> 01:04:40,700 and you see the perfect wave rolling in and you think you got it? 968 01:04:40,900 --> 01:04:43,630 Only, something happens and you don't get it. 969 01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:46,400 I mean, the key to the whole thing is timing. 970 01:04:46,610 --> 01:04:49,130 If you're even a little out of sync, you're grim, 971 01:04:49,350 --> 01:04:52,140 you're blowing the barrel, you're seaweed. 972 01:04:52,350 --> 01:04:54,370 But then you look outside 973 01:04:54,580 --> 01:04:57,880 and you see an even more perfect wave than the first perfect wave 974 01:04:58,090 --> 01:05:00,210 and that's the one you catch. 975 01:05:00,420 --> 01:05:04,290 - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah. Yeah, I get it. 976 01:05:04,490 --> 01:05:07,950 Surfing metaphors. You're the perfect wave and I'm seaweed 977 01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:11,860 - and if you want me out, just say it. - No, no, I'm not the perfect wave. 978 01:05:12,070 --> 01:05:13,860 And it's not just that I want you out of my house. 979 01:05:14,070 --> 01:05:16,230 No, you want me out of your life. 980 01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:20,700 - Pam, look, I'm your teacher. - No. 981 01:05:20,910 --> 01:05:25,010 Any time one person lets themself care deeply about another person, 982 01:05:25,210 --> 01:05:28,580 that person runs the risk of being rejected and destroyed. 983 01:05:28,780 --> 01:05:31,510 - I'll go get my things. - No, wait. You cooked dinner. 984 01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:34,150 It looks beautiful. Let's sit down, eat. 985 01:05:35,220 --> 01:05:37,220 It's just food. 986 01:05:43,270 --> 01:05:45,430 OK. I'm gonna collect your book reports. 987 01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:48,330 Then we are on our way to court. 988 01:05:48,540 --> 01:05:50,440 Homework, Pam? 989 01:05:52,340 --> 01:05:54,540 You expect me to relate to the written word 990 01:05:54,740 --> 01:05:57,230 after the hell you put me through? 991 01:05:57,450 --> 01:06:00,180 Talk about shallow. I've stepped in deeper puddles. 992 01:06:00,380 --> 01:06:02,280 You're excused. 993 01:06:05,120 --> 01:06:07,250 Mr. Shoop, don't you want mine? 994 01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:13,060 Larry, you're awake, with homework. What's wrong with you? 995 01:06:13,260 --> 01:06:15,250 I got fired. They found out my real age. 996 01:06:15,460 --> 01:06:18,560 - Hey, I didn't say a word. - No, my mom came to a show. 997 01:06:18,770 --> 01:06:21,260 - Your mother? - It was a nightmare. 998 01:06:21,470 --> 01:06:24,870 I mean, before she knew who I was, she put 5 bucks in my G-string. 999 01:06:25,070 --> 01:06:28,170 And then my Aunt Edna, she kisses me. 1000 01:06:28,380 --> 01:06:31,110 With tongue. And rips off my mask. 1001 01:06:31,310 --> 01:06:33,370 Mom freaked out. 1002 01:06:33,580 --> 01:06:35,110 She made me put on her coat. 1003 01:06:36,320 --> 01:06:37,950 - I'm sorry. - You're sorry? 1004 01:06:38,150 --> 01:06:39,680 I'm at my sexual peak. 1005 01:06:39,890 --> 01:06:43,620 Once a guy hits 18, it's all downhill. 1006 01:06:44,360 --> 01:06:46,490 But it's a lovely ride. 1007 01:06:46,860 --> 01:06:49,330 Mr. Shoop, why did you tell the arresting officers 1008 01:06:49,530 --> 01:06:51,360 that the vodka found in the possession 1009 01:06:51,570 --> 01:06:55,300 of Mr. Gremp and Mr. Frazier belonged to you? 1010 01:06:55,500 --> 01:06:58,340 Your Honor, to keep a couple of students out of trouble. 1011 01:06:58,540 --> 01:07:01,480 David and Francis have enough problems as it is. 1012 01:07:01,810 --> 01:07:04,610 - It's true, Your Honor. - Our lives are a mess. 1013 01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:07,080 Guys, don't help. 1014 01:07:07,650 --> 01:07:11,640 Where did you young men obtain the vodka in question? 1015 01:07:11,850 --> 01:07:13,320 - From Murray. - Who's Murray? 1016 01:07:13,520 --> 01:07:16,750 You know Murray. Everybody knows Murray. 1017 01:07:16,960 --> 01:07:18,860 From Murray's Liquor. 1018 01:07:19,060 --> 01:07:21,360 Didn't this Murray ask to see proof of age? 1019 01:07:21,600 --> 01:07:23,430 Well, I come off pretty mature. 1020 01:07:23,630 --> 01:07:26,970 - Did you show him proof of age? - Yeah, I guess I did. 1021 01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:29,260 May I see it, please? 1022 01:07:29,470 --> 01:07:31,670 - I'd rather you didn't. - I'd rather I did. 1023 01:07:40,080 --> 01:07:43,310 You were a black Marine in 1968? 1024 01:07:45,090 --> 01:07:46,450 Vietnam. 1025 01:07:46,660 --> 01:07:49,060 A war puts a man through many, many changes. 1026 01:07:49,260 --> 01:07:53,420 Young man, the possession of false identification and of alcohol by a minor 1027 01:07:53,630 --> 01:07:56,860 are serious crimes. You've just confessed to both of them. 1028 01:07:57,070 --> 01:08:00,130 - I didn't mean to. - However, since the arresting officers 1029 01:08:00,340 --> 01:08:03,960 let you off with a warning, I'll probably do the same. 1030 01:08:04,310 --> 01:08:07,040 - Is this guy bitchen or what? - Now, Mr. Shoop... 1031 01:08:07,510 --> 01:08:09,070 Your Honor? 1032 01:08:10,150 --> 01:08:11,870 My name is Robin Elizabeth Bishop 1033 01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:15,170 and I'm also on the faculty with the defendant. 1034 01:08:15,380 --> 01:08:19,080 I submit that this man went to jail for his students. 1035 01:08:19,620 --> 01:08:23,220 Very few teachers ever exhibit that degree of dedication. 1036 01:08:23,430 --> 01:08:25,220 Therefore, Your Honor, I move that... 1037 01:08:25,430 --> 01:08:28,620 Don't move, Miss Bishop. You're out of order. 1038 01:08:28,830 --> 01:08:32,560 And you're also correct. Mr. Shoop, these charges will be dropped. 1039 01:08:32,770 --> 01:08:35,000 - Case dismissed. - All right! 1040 01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:38,970 All right! That's so... 1041 01:08:41,140 --> 01:08:43,810 Shoop! Let me tell you something. 1042 01:08:44,010 --> 01:08:46,240 The judge bought that dedicated teacher crap, 1043 01:08:46,450 --> 01:08:49,080 but you covered up, thus condoning student drinking. 1044 01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:52,880 I am filing a report for Kelban with the entire story. Face it. 1045 01:08:53,090 --> 01:08:58,150 The test scores won't save you, because they're losers, just like you! 1046 01:08:58,660 --> 01:08:59,890 Hi. 1047 01:09:00,660 --> 01:09:03,600 I was just congratulating our good friend Mr. Shoop. 1048 01:09:04,470 --> 01:09:07,800 - Now, about lunch, sweetheart. - Tell you what, sweetheart, 1049 01:09:08,000 --> 01:09:11,500 why don't you go ahead, order two lunches and eat them yourself. 1050 01:09:11,710 --> 01:09:14,110 One for each face. 1051 01:09:21,350 --> 01:09:26,480 OK. Today we take a practice test. Pinpoint each of your weak spots. 1052 01:09:26,690 --> 01:09:28,750 Then we work a couple hours after school. 1053 01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:32,260 Wait, wait. Practice tests, extra class time? 1054 01:09:32,460 --> 01:09:34,490 Not in the contract. Eakian, get him. 1055 01:09:34,860 --> 01:09:37,490 The test is in two weeks. You need the extra work. 1056 01:09:37,700 --> 01:09:40,860 Then I'm afraid we're gonna need some extra incentive. 1057 01:09:41,070 --> 01:09:44,970 - Yeah. Like a party with a band. - I could use some wheels bad. 1058 01:09:45,170 --> 01:09:47,300 And get me a job, man, doing strip-o-grams. 1059 01:09:47,980 --> 01:09:51,670 - I don't believe this greed. - Believe it, man. I need a houseboy. 1060 01:09:53,420 --> 01:09:56,850 It's a simple matter of renegotiating our contracts. 1061 01:09:57,050 --> 01:10:00,180 Renegotiate? Who do you think you are, Teamsters? 1062 01:10:00,390 --> 01:10:04,990 Yeah, Teamsters! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! 1063 01:10:07,460 --> 01:10:12,230 Look! For the past four weeks, I have given up all of my free time. 1064 01:10:12,430 --> 01:10:15,530 Had my body used for a tackling dummy, my house trashed, 1065 01:10:15,900 --> 01:10:18,770 my couch set on fire, my goldfish murdered, 1066 01:10:18,970 --> 01:10:22,100 my butt thrown in jail and my car wrecked. 1067 01:10:24,250 --> 01:10:26,650 All I'm asking for is a little extra effort. 1068 01:10:28,050 --> 01:10:31,450 You know, what's sad is you guys could all pass that test. 1069 01:10:32,650 --> 01:10:36,220 But you're just so happy being failures that you just don't know... 1070 01:10:36,790 --> 01:10:38,890 Why am I doing this? 1071 01:10:39,760 --> 01:10:41,700 Tell you what. 1072 01:10:42,600 --> 01:10:44,960 You guys drop out and be illiterate. 1073 01:10:45,170 --> 01:10:48,230 I'm going to Hawaii and be tan. 1074 01:10:52,970 --> 01:10:54,570 Have a cow. 1075 01:10:55,080 --> 01:10:57,050 Damn. 1076 01:11:00,220 --> 01:11:02,550 Hey. Thanks for the help. 1077 01:11:03,720 --> 01:11:05,810 Good luck. 1078 01:11:06,020 --> 01:11:07,890 - Where are you going? - To quit. 1079 01:11:08,090 --> 01:11:09,790 - You can't quit. - Sure, I can. 1080 01:11:09,990 --> 01:11:13,390 - I never got through to anybody. - Not true. They were learning. 1081 01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:15,150 - You're not a quitter. - I am. 1082 01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:17,960 I turned you down for dinner at least a dozen times 1083 01:11:18,170 --> 01:11:22,190 - and you haven't quit bugging me. - Wanna go out to dinner tonight? 1084 01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:25,270 - Can't. - See? 1085 01:11:31,350 --> 01:11:34,780 Everybody take a seat. You, in the cot, out of bed. 1086 01:11:35,150 --> 01:11:39,140 - Where's Mr. Shoop? - He has tendered his resignation. 1087 01:11:39,350 --> 01:11:41,120 Now, sit down. 1088 01:11:41,320 --> 01:11:44,260 Would someone tell me what Mr. Shoop had planned for today? 1089 01:11:44,460 --> 01:11:47,520 - Yes? - Group sex. No, that's tomorrow. 1090 01:11:47,730 --> 01:11:50,720 Today's independent study, right after our midmorning nap. 1091 01:11:50,930 --> 01:11:53,130 Don't think you can pull this BS with me. 1092 01:11:53,340 --> 01:11:58,430 Everybody take their textbooks out and turn to chapter seven. 1093 01:12:00,040 --> 01:12:01,270 Read it again. 1094 01:12:10,020 --> 01:12:11,680 Who's making that noise? 1095 01:12:13,520 --> 01:12:16,790 What noise? I don't hear any noise. What, you got dog ears? 1096 01:12:21,360 --> 01:12:24,800 - Chainsaw, stop doing that. - Stop doing what? 1097 01:12:25,970 --> 01:12:28,130 You know, I hear it too and it's annoying. 1098 01:12:28,470 --> 01:12:30,300 Find the hooligan that's responsible, 1099 01:12:30,510 --> 01:12:34,840 because I am trying to read chapter seven. Again. 1100 01:12:44,250 --> 01:12:46,850 Mr. Gills, I cannot study. I'm going to the library. 1101 01:12:47,060 --> 01:12:49,460 Chainsaw, sit down. 1102 01:12:49,660 --> 01:12:52,630 You can hum till your lips fall off, I could care less. 1103 01:12:53,360 --> 01:12:55,120 Wait a minute. You're not dismissed. 1104 01:12:56,800 --> 01:13:00,330 Now, I promise you, you people act like psychopaths tomorrow 1105 01:13:00,540 --> 01:13:03,300 - and you will be sorry. - We will be sorry? 1106 01:13:03,510 --> 01:13:07,640 Mr. Gills sure does know his child psychology. 1107 01:13:09,640 --> 01:13:13,480 Miss Cura, I want to let you know that the children are a little hyperactive, 1108 01:13:13,680 --> 01:13:17,080 but I'm sure that you'll enjoy their joie de vivre. 1109 01:13:17,290 --> 01:13:19,580 So far, I've only subbed at grammar schools, 1110 01:13:19,790 --> 01:13:23,120 so this should be a nice change. 1111 01:13:23,690 --> 01:13:25,460 Help, Mr. Gills! 1112 01:13:26,130 --> 01:13:28,490 Denise! Denise! Take it easy! What happened? 1113 01:13:28,700 --> 01:13:31,000 Don't go in there without a gun. It's terrible. 1114 01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:33,530 - Is this my classroom? - Yes, it is. 1115 01:13:33,740 --> 01:13:36,640 Whose blood is that? Is that your blood? 1116 01:13:36,910 --> 01:13:38,810 No. 1117 01:13:51,020 --> 01:13:52,320 My God. 1118 01:14:33,300 --> 01:14:35,090 We're back! 1119 01:14:40,070 --> 01:14:41,870 What is wrong with you people? 1120 01:14:42,270 --> 01:14:47,040 It's like you said, Gills! We're psychopaths! 1121 01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:51,150 Somebody better call the school nurse! 1122 01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:55,450 I am not amused! Turn off those motors! 1123 01:14:58,350 --> 01:15:00,320 Everybody get up. Now! 1124 01:15:07,500 --> 01:15:10,430 I'm not ready for high school. 1125 01:15:14,040 --> 01:15:17,730 - Why'd she leave? Didn't she like us? - Where's her sense of humor? 1126 01:15:17,940 --> 01:15:20,840 I have seen some sick things before. 1127 01:15:21,040 --> 01:15:23,940 But this... This is... 1128 01:15:24,150 --> 01:15:25,940 - Devilishly clever. - Vomitous! 1129 01:15:26,280 --> 01:15:30,180 - Thank you. - We take a lot of pride in our work. 1130 01:15:30,390 --> 01:15:32,410 Look, we want Shoop back. 1131 01:15:32,620 --> 01:15:35,150 Why would Shoop come back? So Kelban can fire him? 1132 01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:36,590 He might surprise you. 1133 01:15:37,430 --> 01:15:42,800 - We did today. - And we've got more for tomorrow. 1134 01:15:46,670 --> 01:15:48,330 Do we have a deal? 1135 01:16:04,190 --> 01:16:09,380 Wondermutt, I do not want to play. Not now. I'm busy. 1136 01:16:46,460 --> 01:16:48,590 - Tough day? - We've been torturing Gills. 1137 01:16:48,800 --> 01:16:50,890 Yeah. He said you could have your job back. 1138 01:16:51,170 --> 01:16:55,030 Now, why would I want my job back? Hey, my life is sailing. 1139 01:16:55,240 --> 01:17:02,140 I got a radio, blanket, beach chair, dark glasses, dog. 1140 01:17:02,540 --> 01:17:03,910 Why would I wanna go back? 1141 01:17:04,110 --> 01:17:06,440 How about we can't pass that test without you? 1142 01:17:07,420 --> 01:17:11,250 Me and Chainsaw, we been sober for two days, four hours and 15 minutes. 1143 01:17:11,450 --> 01:17:14,580 - No kidding? - Swear to God. Reality is so unreal. 1144 01:17:14,790 --> 01:17:16,850 - But a nice change. - Truly. Thumbs up. 1145 01:17:20,030 --> 01:17:22,660 I think you should know that you were a phase. 1146 01:17:22,860 --> 01:17:24,920 I've outgrown you. 1147 01:17:25,130 --> 01:17:27,800 But I do wanna be friends, if you can handle it. 1148 01:17:33,410 --> 01:17:34,880 And Shoop... 1149 01:17:35,910 --> 01:17:38,440 ...I'm seeing that reading specialist this afternoon. 1150 01:17:39,010 --> 01:17:44,110 Look. We'll study in school, after school, whatever it takes. 1151 01:17:44,320 --> 01:17:47,980 But we need a teacher. What do you say, Mr. Shoop? 1152 01:17:50,690 --> 01:17:52,890 Please? 1153 01:18:00,370 --> 01:18:03,830 How can I say no to these cute little faces? 1154 01:19:24,190 --> 01:19:26,810 Your practice test scores were great. Hey, come on, 1155 01:19:27,020 --> 01:19:29,320 you been here 12 hours. I want you to go home, 1156 01:19:29,520 --> 01:19:32,290 forget about this test, get a good night's sleep. 1157 01:19:32,490 --> 01:19:35,220 I'll see you tomorrow, 8 AM, the lecture hall. 1158 01:19:35,430 --> 01:19:39,370 Hey, trust me. Come on, you're gonna kick ass and take names. Believe it. 1159 01:19:39,730 --> 01:19:42,730 - Are we really that ready? - Ready? What time's the test? 1160 01:19:42,940 --> 01:19:46,130 - Eight AM. - See, the correct answers do not stop. 1161 01:19:46,340 --> 01:19:48,330 Now, go on, get out of here, all of you, 1162 01:19:48,540 --> 01:19:52,840 before the college recruiters show up and try to drag you all off to Harvard. 1163 01:19:53,950 --> 01:19:55,920 Hey, I mean it. 1164 01:20:14,140 --> 01:20:16,630 Wondermutt, look. I found Bob. 1165 01:20:18,970 --> 01:20:21,570 Go get it. 1166 01:20:50,310 --> 01:20:52,070 Yeah! 1167 01:20:58,150 --> 01:21:00,610 - Morning, Mom. - Morning, sweetheart. 1168 01:21:00,820 --> 01:21:02,870 Morning, Dad. 1169 01:21:03,420 --> 01:21:06,180 How do you want your eggs, honey? Fried, scrambled? 1170 01:21:07,820 --> 01:21:09,720 I don't know. 1171 01:21:09,920 --> 01:21:12,420 - What are eggs? - I'll surprise you. 1172 01:21:12,730 --> 01:21:14,820 How do you spell "cat"? 1173 01:21:17,370 --> 01:21:20,860 - I don't know! - Honey, what's wrong? 1174 01:21:21,140 --> 01:21:24,470 I don't know what's wrong. Every... Everything's blank. 1175 01:21:24,670 --> 01:21:27,660 I don't know anything. I don't know anything! 1176 01:21:27,880 --> 01:21:29,780 I don't know anything! 1177 01:21:30,080 --> 01:21:32,810 Chainsaw! Chainsaw! Chainsaw! 1178 01:21:33,010 --> 01:21:34,680 Are you all right? 1179 01:21:34,880 --> 01:21:37,280 - I had a nightmare. - About what? 1180 01:21:38,490 --> 01:21:40,110 I don't know. 1181 01:21:40,320 --> 01:21:42,350 - Great day for a test, huh? - Yeah. 1182 01:21:42,560 --> 01:21:44,550 Hey, Shoop. 1183 01:21:46,590 --> 01:21:49,150 - An apple. - For the teacher. 1184 01:21:49,360 --> 01:21:51,300 Give them hell. 1185 01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:55,570 - Hey, we're testing in here. - I know, I'm in your class. 1186 01:21:57,740 --> 01:22:00,330 I remember you. Where you been? 1187 01:22:00,540 --> 01:22:02,570 Bathroom. 1188 01:22:02,780 --> 01:22:05,910 - Six weeks? - My zipper got stuck. 1189 01:22:08,920 --> 01:22:12,910 "Do not open the test booklets until you are told to do so. 1190 01:22:13,120 --> 01:22:17,090 "Using a number two pencil, take your answer sheet and fill in your name. 1191 01:22:17,290 --> 01:22:21,920 "Last name first, first name second, middle initial last on the first line. 1192 01:22:22,130 --> 01:22:23,650 "Do this now." 1193 01:22:24,570 --> 01:22:28,400 This officer is here to see that there is no cheating. 1194 01:22:29,300 --> 01:22:32,830 This officer is here to see that there is no cheating. 1195 01:22:34,240 --> 01:22:38,410 Festival of screwups and their king. 1196 01:22:39,710 --> 01:22:43,710 Mr. Gills extends his warmest personal regards and best wishes. 1197 01:22:43,920 --> 01:22:45,350 Hey, thanks for caring, man. 1198 01:22:47,060 --> 01:22:49,790 OK. Break the seals on your test booklets now. 1199 01:22:50,560 --> 01:22:54,190 And turn to the section titled Reading Vocabulary. 1200 01:22:54,860 --> 01:22:58,130 "You will have 20 minutes to complete this section." 1201 01:22:59,100 --> 01:23:00,730 Everybody ready? 1202 01:23:02,040 --> 01:23:04,730 No! 1203 01:23:09,440 --> 01:23:11,440 Tension breaker, had to be done. 1204 01:23:11,980 --> 01:23:13,210 Anybody else? 1205 01:23:17,050 --> 01:23:19,110 Good luck, gang. 1206 01:23:20,220 --> 01:23:22,050 Ready. 1207 01:23:22,760 --> 01:23:24,380 Begin. 1208 01:23:33,370 --> 01:23:34,960 Sorry. 1209 01:25:36,320 --> 01:25:37,550 Kevin. 1210 01:25:40,230 --> 01:25:41,750 It's starting. 1211 01:25:41,960 --> 01:25:43,620 Now? 1212 01:25:43,830 --> 01:25:45,390 Shit. 1213 01:25:46,030 --> 01:25:47,520 How far apart? 1214 01:25:48,440 --> 01:25:50,130 Twelve minutes. 1215 01:25:50,340 --> 01:25:51,860 Try and slow it down. 1216 01:25:53,940 --> 01:25:55,270 Forget about the... 1217 01:26:07,990 --> 01:26:10,750 - Thirty seconds left. - Come on, come on. 1218 01:26:10,960 --> 01:26:12,790 C, C, 1219 01:26:13,090 --> 01:26:17,160 C, C, C, 1220 01:26:18,030 --> 01:26:21,260 C, C, C, C. 1221 01:26:21,870 --> 01:26:24,030 - And... - Wait 20 more seconds. 1222 01:26:24,240 --> 01:26:27,070 - Twenty seconds. ...stop. Pencils down. 1223 01:26:27,280 --> 01:26:29,440 C, C, C. 1224 01:26:29,980 --> 01:26:31,600 Drop them! 1225 01:26:32,780 --> 01:26:35,210 Stay seated until Anna-Maria picks up your tests. 1226 01:26:35,420 --> 01:26:38,940 Miss Mazarelli, may I have those tests after you collect them, please? 1227 01:26:39,750 --> 01:26:41,880 - Yeah. - Can Rhonda and I be excused? 1228 01:26:42,090 --> 01:26:44,150 She's having a baby. 1229 01:26:44,360 --> 01:26:46,880 - She's having a baby? - Oh, I wanna see this. 1230 01:26:47,090 --> 01:26:50,660 Calm down! Everybody just stay in your seats. No problem here at all. 1231 01:26:50,870 --> 01:26:52,800 Rhonda, why didn't you say something? 1232 01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:56,300 - I wanted to finish my test. - You need hot water, a ride? 1233 01:26:56,500 --> 01:26:58,770 - All we need is a hospital. - What can I do? 1234 01:26:58,970 --> 01:27:00,770 - Get out of my way. - I can do that. 1235 01:27:00,980 --> 01:27:04,570 Carmine, get out of her way! Get the door. 1236 01:27:06,510 --> 01:27:09,810 - Save the umbilical cord. - And the afterbirth, if convenient. 1237 01:27:10,020 --> 01:27:11,850 Good thinking. 1238 01:27:12,450 --> 01:27:14,250 Oh, easy, easy, this way. Watch out. 1239 01:27:15,290 --> 01:27:18,490 - You look terrific. - Well, I'm feeling pretty good. 1240 01:27:18,690 --> 01:27:20,290 That's great. 1241 01:27:20,490 --> 01:27:23,400 The baby is healthy and happy. 1242 01:27:23,830 --> 01:27:26,320 And my coach was incredible. 1243 01:27:26,530 --> 01:27:29,370 Yeah, well, I couldn't have done it without you. 1244 01:27:29,700 --> 01:27:31,830 No cord, huh? 1245 01:27:33,110 --> 01:27:35,200 When do we get to see the whippersnapper? 1246 01:27:35,410 --> 01:27:38,140 Rhonda, don't let those two near the baby, please. 1247 01:27:39,550 --> 01:27:42,110 Well, it won't be a problem. 1248 01:27:42,850 --> 01:27:45,340 I'm giving her up for adoption. 1249 01:27:47,690 --> 01:27:51,250 - She's going to a really good home. - That's nice. 1250 01:27:51,890 --> 01:27:53,590 I'm not ready to be a mom. 1251 01:27:58,570 --> 01:28:00,830 - Mr. Shoop. - Ciao. 1252 01:28:01,040 --> 01:28:02,560 Ciao, gang. How's it going? 1253 01:28:03,270 --> 01:28:04,740 - All right. - OK. 1254 01:28:07,940 --> 01:28:09,670 Bad news? 1255 01:28:11,110 --> 01:28:13,510 Gills says he's mailing you your scores. 1256 01:28:14,010 --> 01:28:16,780 - We failed. - He just said the average grade 1257 01:28:16,980 --> 01:28:19,150 - was below passing. - So we failed. 1258 01:28:19,350 --> 01:28:22,120 Hey, you didn't fail. 1259 01:28:22,320 --> 01:28:24,380 I failed. 1260 01:28:26,060 --> 01:28:31,000 Field trips to the beach, a bed in your classroom, drinking at the beach, 1261 01:28:31,200 --> 01:28:34,570 a screening of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1. 1262 01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:37,860 - Quite a summer, Mr. Shoop. - I tried to keep it interesting. 1263 01:28:38,070 --> 01:28:41,270 I have his dismissal ready for your signature, sir. 1264 01:28:41,480 --> 01:28:43,240 Before I sign anything, 1265 01:28:43,440 --> 01:28:47,470 I understand there are some people waiting to speak in Mr. Shoop's behalf. 1266 01:28:47,680 --> 01:28:50,910 - Really? - Come in. 1267 01:28:51,390 --> 01:28:55,150 Mr. Kelban, you're not actually going to listen to these delinquents? 1268 01:28:55,360 --> 01:28:58,760 No. I'm gonna listen to their parents. 1269 01:29:12,070 --> 01:29:14,230 I'm Principal Kelban. 1270 01:29:14,440 --> 01:29:18,140 - Is there a spokesperson here? - I guess I am. I'm Howard Gremp. 1271 01:29:18,580 --> 01:29:20,600 You're Chainsaw's father. 1272 01:29:20,820 --> 01:29:23,910 - Interesting boy. - No, you can say it. He's a lunatic. 1273 01:29:24,120 --> 01:29:25,590 Dad. 1274 01:29:25,790 --> 01:29:29,150 You know, six weeks ago, I thought he had the IQ of a salad bar. 1275 01:29:29,360 --> 01:29:32,380 His only interest in life was to make people sick. 1276 01:29:32,590 --> 01:29:37,220 If my mother came to dinner, he would give the dog a third eye or an extra leg. 1277 01:29:37,500 --> 01:29:40,520 Because of him, we stopped having kids. 1278 01:29:41,200 --> 01:29:44,760 I mean, you can imagine the feeling when I saw him studying. 1279 01:29:44,970 --> 01:29:47,770 The wife and I almost burst into tears. 1280 01:29:47,980 --> 01:29:50,840 - David was doing his homework too. - It makes sense, 1281 01:29:51,050 --> 01:29:52,480 they share the same brain. 1282 01:29:52,850 --> 01:29:56,250 Not only did Mr. Shoop get my daughter to read, 1283 01:29:56,450 --> 01:29:57,680 he taught her to drive. 1284 01:29:57,890 --> 01:30:01,220 He showed Kevin there's more to life than just football. 1285 01:30:01,420 --> 01:30:06,490 - I'm not sure I agree, but it's possible. - This man should not be teaching. 1286 01:30:06,690 --> 01:30:10,030 Proof is here in these test results. Look for yourself, Mr. Shoop. 1287 01:30:11,130 --> 01:30:14,660 Passing is 70. Average score here was 63. 1288 01:30:15,740 --> 01:30:19,700 - They failed. - That is not true, Mr. Gills. 1289 01:30:19,910 --> 01:30:21,770 - We passed? - No, not all of you. 1290 01:30:21,980 --> 01:30:24,340 But that's not what's important here. 1291 01:30:24,550 --> 01:30:25,810 Larry. 1292 01:30:26,010 --> 01:30:30,140 Went from an 18 to a 51! 1293 01:30:30,350 --> 01:30:32,750 If I'd only seen you strip a week sooner. You! 1294 01:30:32,950 --> 01:30:34,680 - Mom, my hair. - Rhonda. 1295 01:30:34,890 --> 01:30:39,120 From a 29 to a 43 and she gave birth. 1296 01:30:39,330 --> 01:30:42,690 Isn't childbirth grounds for a makeup test? 1297 01:30:43,000 --> 01:30:44,860 It always has been. 1298 01:30:46,330 --> 01:30:47,930 This woman thing never fails. 1299 01:30:48,370 --> 01:30:52,500 Eakian. A 51 to a 74. 1300 01:30:53,410 --> 01:30:56,430 I passed! I am an Eakian, Grams. 1301 01:30:56,640 --> 01:30:58,240 - All right, Eaker. - Denise. 1302 01:30:58,450 --> 01:31:02,400 No previous test score because you ditched every test, but a 38. 1303 01:31:02,620 --> 01:31:05,740 - Honey, that's terrific. - We'll get them next time. 1304 01:31:06,250 --> 01:31:07,480 - Kevin. - Yeah? 1305 01:31:07,690 --> 01:31:10,710 From a 48 to a 75! 1306 01:31:10,930 --> 01:31:12,550 Yeah! I'm back on the team! 1307 01:31:12,760 --> 01:31:16,530 - Yeah! Kill! - Yeah! Kill! 1308 01:31:20,530 --> 01:31:25,600 Chainsaw. Last score was a 6. This time, 59. Monster comeback. 1309 01:31:25,810 --> 01:31:27,670 - All right. - And Dave. 1310 01:31:27,880 --> 01:31:29,740 From a 26 to a 70. 1311 01:31:30,010 --> 01:31:31,240 I passed! 1312 01:31:31,450 --> 01:31:32,780 - You made it! - You passed? 1313 01:31:32,980 --> 01:31:36,180 You passed and I failed, asshole! How could you do that to me? 1314 01:31:36,480 --> 01:31:39,880 It was an accident. I'll take it again. I can fail, I know it. 1315 01:31:40,090 --> 01:31:45,020 And Pam went from a 53 to an 82. 1316 01:31:46,160 --> 01:31:48,060 - Was that the highest? - Well, almost. 1317 01:31:48,260 --> 01:31:51,560 I mean, that guy who spent six weeks in the bathroom got a 91. 1318 01:31:51,770 --> 01:31:55,220 But look, there's more going on here than test scores and grades. 1319 01:31:55,440 --> 01:31:57,400 You all worked hard and you improved. 1320 01:31:57,640 --> 01:32:00,070 And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop. 1321 01:32:00,270 --> 01:32:03,710 We are here to discuss his flagrant violation of school policies. 1322 01:32:03,910 --> 01:32:05,670 Hold it, Gills. 1323 01:32:09,280 --> 01:32:10,840 According to my numbers, 1324 01:32:11,050 --> 01:32:14,420 the average scores here increased from 28 to 63. 1325 01:32:14,620 --> 01:32:17,280 That's 125 percent improvement. Now, that's teaching. 1326 01:32:17,490 --> 01:32:19,080 - Absolutely. - Yeah. 1327 01:32:19,290 --> 01:32:22,190 Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure. 1328 01:32:24,500 --> 01:32:27,060 He's back, ladies and gentlemen! 1329 01:32:45,550 --> 01:32:50,080 This is the last time I ask. I promise. 1330 01:32:50,690 --> 01:32:53,220 Will you have dinner with me? 1331 01:32:54,060 --> 01:32:56,330 I'll think about it. 1332 01:32:59,130 --> 01:33:01,800 Can I use some of that lip stuff? 1333 01:33:20,520 --> 01:33:23,580 Does this mean we can have dinner tonight? 1334 01:33:23,790 --> 01:33:26,190 I didn't say that. 1335 01:33:26,830 --> 01:33:30,350 We'll just talk about it over breakfast.