1
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:39,952
[man] Los Angeles late at night is like
any big American city late at night.
2
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:43,232
At 2.00 am people are either
making a mess or cleaning it up.
3
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,590
Tonight's my night
to do the cleaning up.
4
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,633
My name, most of the time,
is Irwin Fletcher.
5
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,912
I write under the name of Jane Doe.
That's the kind of gal I am.
6
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,999
This Greek seafood house
is part of a successful chain.
7
00:00:56,201 --> 00:00:58,590
But, believe me,
it's not because of the food.
8
00:00:59,041 --> 00:01:01,316
113,000 from basketball.
9
00:01:01,521 --> 00:01:03,477
List it as codfish.
10
00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:08,150
120,000 from the Gonzalez fight.
11
00:01:08,361 --> 00:01:12,912
That includes 60
from our chain in the Valley.
12
00:01:13,121 --> 00:01:16,352
Twenty from Long Beach. 120 total.
13
00:01:16,561 --> 00:01:18,517
Put that under halibut.
14
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:22,069
180,000 from the track.
15
00:01:22,281 --> 00:01:23,839
Scrod.
16
00:01:24,041 --> 00:01:26,509
We got over two million in scrod
this month.
17
00:01:26,721 --> 00:01:29,360
Scrod's making a comeback, all right?
18
00:01:29,561 --> 00:01:31,438
[man #1]
How are you listing my stake?
19
00:01:31,641 --> 00:01:35,681
- [man #2] Breakage.
- [man #1] $75,000 worth of breakage?
20
00:01:39,722 --> 00:01:41,394
[glass shatters]
21
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,560
We're Greeks! We dance,
we break plates, we're clumsy!
22
00:01:44,762 --> 00:01:47,560
[man #1] Stop it.
We gotta be cross town in 30 minutes.
23
00:01:47,762 --> 00:01:49,354
You wanna wash up?
24
00:01:49,562 --> 00:01:52,520
[man #2] My wife gets suspicious
if I don't smell like fish.
25
00:01:52,722 --> 00:01:54,599
[man #1] I got it. You get the lights.
26
00:01:54,802 --> 00:01:57,521
- [man #2] Where's Poppa?
- [man #1] In the back.
27
00:01:57,722 --> 00:02:00,361
[man #2] Tell him to hurry.
Phil, I'll drop you first.
28
00:02:00,562 --> 00:02:02,837
[Phil] You better.
29
00:02:15,883 --> 00:02:19,796
- [gasps] Hi.
- What's your name, little lady?
30
00:02:20,003 --> 00:02:24,758
My name? Peggy Lee... Zorba.
Peggy Lee Zorba.
31
00:02:24,963 --> 00:02:28,922
- You're cute!
- Do you mind if I freshen up a bit?
32
00:02:29,123 --> 00:02:31,432
Splash a little water on my face.
33
00:02:31,643 --> 00:02:34,441
Whatever makes you feel sexy.
34
00:02:34,643 --> 00:02:36,201
- OK.
- [chuckles]
35
00:02:36,403 --> 00:02:38,553
Just wait outside.
I'll be right out.
36
00:03:00,804 --> 00:03:02,715
What the hell was that?
37
00:03:02,924 --> 00:03:05,199
- If it's a cop, kill him.
- Hi. Mary Poppins!
38
00:03:05,404 --> 00:03:07,520
If it's a reporter, cripple him.
39
00:03:09,404 --> 00:03:12,123
[tyres screech, brakes squeal]
40
00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:25,235
You're never driving again!
41
00:03:25,445 --> 00:03:27,675
I just did what you told me to do.
42
00:03:27,885 --> 00:03:30,479
- There's a new thing called brakes!
- Shut up!
43
00:03:34,725 --> 00:03:39,435
Good. Brilliant as usual, Fletch.
We'll run it in the next edition.
44
00:03:39,645 --> 00:03:42,921
- Great. See you in two weeks.
- Er, Fletch, there's...
45
00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:47,721
"Er, Fletch"? Frank, I see
a double-cross in your eyes.
46
00:03:47,925 --> 00:03:49,517
You promised me a vacation.
47
00:03:49,725 --> 00:03:53,320
- Right after the sewer story.
- What? You can't do this to me.
48
00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:57,234
I spent eight nights on my knees
dressed like Dolly Parton at a funeral.
49
00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:00,278
I got felt up.
I got dishpan hands and sore knees!
50
00:04:00,485 --> 00:04:03,000
Three guys tried to kill me.
Do you give a crap?
51
00:04:03,206 --> 00:04:05,674
- You promised me a vacation!
- You'll get one.
52
00:04:05,886 --> 00:04:08,798
- After the sewer system expos�.
- You owe me a vacation!
53
00:04:09,006 --> 00:04:10,758
- In July.
- That's two months.
54
00:04:10,966 --> 00:04:13,036
A great reporter knows the facts.
55
00:04:13,246 --> 00:04:16,795
By the way, the computer disallowed
your undocumented expenses.
56
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,839
- It'll come out of this week's pay.
- You can't do that.
57
00:04:20,046 --> 00:04:23,641
There's nothing I can do about it.
It's all done automatically.
58
00:04:39,127 --> 00:04:42,085
On top of everything else,
I think I'm getting my period.
59
00:05:08,327 --> 00:05:11,319
No wonder I got a fumigation alert.
How'd you get in here?
60
00:05:11,527 --> 00:05:13,677
The window was open.
61
00:05:13,887 --> 00:05:17,244
I knocked, and I could swear
I heard you say, "Come in".
62
00:05:17,448 --> 00:05:21,327
You know how to cover your ass, Gillet.
Although those pants are a mistake.
63
00:05:22,408 --> 00:05:26,606
You owe me $4,381 in back alimony.
64
00:05:26,808 --> 00:05:28,685
What? I was married to you?
65
00:05:29,768 --> 00:05:34,319
You're right. I've been foolishly
squandering my salary on food and heat.
66
00:05:34,528 --> 00:05:37,486
You have one week
to comply with Judge Proctor's orders.
67
00:05:37,688 --> 00:05:40,680
Payment in full.
Otherwise you go to jail.
68
00:05:40,888 --> 00:05:43,038
Wendy doesn't need the money.
69
00:05:43,248 --> 00:05:47,719
I hear she's been banging some balding,
wimpy lawyer who can't get it up.
70
00:05:48,608 --> 00:05:50,997
- May I see that?
- Be my guest.
71
00:05:51,208 --> 00:05:53,643
Nice briefcase.
Couldn't guess your weight?
72
00:05:53,849 --> 00:05:55,885
Oh! I'm sorry. I got it.
73
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,080
Never mind, I'll take care of it.
74
00:05:58,289 --> 00:06:01,087
Look at this. A note from
the Oakwood Potency Clinic.
75
00:06:01,289 --> 00:06:05,601
"Sorry to inform you, we cannot process
sperm counts as low as yours."
76
00:06:05,809 --> 00:06:08,039
- Here we are. What about this?
- Be careful!
77
00:06:08,249 --> 00:06:10,240
Uh-oh! I am terribly sorry!
78
00:06:10,449 --> 00:06:12,565
- You did that intentionally.
- I did not.
79
00:06:12,769 --> 00:06:15,078
- That was good juice too.
- Leave it alone.
80
00:06:15,289 --> 00:06:18,122
- I got an idea. My mistake.
- Where are you going?
81
00:06:18,329 --> 00:06:20,718
My mess. I'll clean it up.
82
00:06:20,929 --> 00:06:22,806
- What are you doing?
- What's this?
83
00:06:23,009 --> 00:06:26,126
You are damaging personal property
and I'm gonna...
84
00:06:26,329 --> 00:06:29,639
The ink is running.
I didn't expect that.
85
00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:33,967
There we are!
Clean as a whistle.
86
00:06:34,170 --> 00:06:38,163
- Thanks for coming by, Marvin.
- Expect to hear from my lawyer.
87
00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:42,329
Oh, Gillet, one more thing.
Come back here. It's very important.
88
00:06:42,530 --> 00:06:46,489
They do a thing now where they make
an incision and push the hair together.
89
00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:51,525
Or try a transplant. Maybe the hair from
your ass. Might make you smarter. Bye.
90
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:55,447
Betty, how 'bout lunch
at the In and Out Burger?
91
00:06:55,650 --> 00:06:57,083
I'm not hungry.
92
00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:59,929
Forget the burger.
How about just the "in and out"?
93
00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:02,928
- Very well. How about just the "in"?
- [groans]
94
00:07:05,130 --> 00:07:06,927
Ooh!
95
00:07:10,171 --> 00:07:12,048
[ringing]
96
00:07:15,491 --> 00:07:17,721
Fletch, answer your phone.
97
00:07:23,771 --> 00:07:26,604
In and Out Burger.
May I take your order, please?
98
00:07:26,811 --> 00:07:31,123
Mr Fletcher? This is Amanda Ray Ross.
I represented your Aunt Belle Fletcher.
99
00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:33,606
Good ol' Aunt Belle.
How the hell is she?
100
00:07:33,811 --> 00:07:36,962
- She's deceased, Mr Fletcher.
- I guess she could be better.
101
00:07:37,171 --> 00:07:38,490
You're hard to find.
102
00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:40,921
I was touring with the Stones.
How can I help?
103
00:07:41,131 --> 00:07:42,689
- Didn't you get my message?
- No.
104
00:07:42,891 --> 00:07:44,802
I'm the executor of your aunt's will.
105
00:07:45,011 --> 00:07:48,607
You are the major beneficiary
of your aunt's estate, Belle Isle.
106
00:07:50,092 --> 00:07:53,323
About this expense.
$58 for leg waxing? That's bullshit.
107
00:07:53,532 --> 00:07:55,602
Yeah, but feel how smooth they are.
108
00:07:55,812 --> 00:07:58,770
[Amanda] It consists of 80 acres
of old plantation.
109
00:07:58,972 --> 00:08:01,770
- Wait. Did you say plantation?
- Yes, indeed.
110
00:08:01,972 --> 00:08:04,281
- She left it to me?
- According to her will.
111
00:08:04,492 --> 00:08:07,689
- Can I get back to you?
- Hair by Ziggy? Who's Ziggy?
112
00:08:07,892 --> 00:08:12,329
5-0-4... Shut up, Frank.
Yeah. I'll get right back to you.
113
00:08:12,532 --> 00:08:15,251
Can't we return some of it?
What about the lingerie?
114
00:08:15,452 --> 00:08:18,171
- I ate it.
- Be serious for one minute.
115
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:19,805
I quit.
116
00:08:20,012 --> 00:08:23,642
I'm not unreasonable about legitimate
expenses. The sewer story...
117
00:08:23,853 --> 00:08:25,127
I quit, Frank.
118
00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:28,086
I'm gonna advance you
for the hip boots and wet suit.
119
00:08:28,293 --> 00:08:30,727
Frank, I'm really quitting.
120
00:08:30,933 --> 00:08:33,970
Fletch, look,
I got a little A-frame up at Arrowhead.
121
00:08:34,173 --> 00:08:37,051
Why don't you go there,
take a couple of weeks, relax?
122
00:08:37,253 --> 00:08:39,528
I'm really gonna miss you.
123
00:08:39,733 --> 00:08:41,644
Maybe that's an overstatement.
124
00:08:41,853 --> 00:08:44,811
Treat this as good news.
You can write my Jane Doe column.
125
00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:47,163
You're not gonna quit.
I'll tell you why.
126
00:08:47,373 --> 00:08:49,603
- Why?
- You have journalistic integrity.
127
00:08:49,813 --> 00:08:54,603
And you have a sense of loyalty. You'll
never give up the quest for truth.
128
00:08:54,813 --> 00:09:00,046
Yes. I can't abandon the principles
that nurtured me lo these many years.
129
00:09:00,254 --> 00:09:04,247
Wrap them up with the shit on my desk
and ship them to my Louisiana mansion.
130
00:09:04,454 --> 00:09:06,649
Bye.
131
00:09:06,854 --> 00:09:08,572
What happened?
132
00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:12,529
My husband said I was crazy to go
2,000 miles to have my nose done.
133
00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:14,207
[snorts as she laughs]
134
00:09:14,414 --> 00:09:18,168
That's an interesting watch.
Is it a prize of some sort?
135
00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:21,684
- No.
- It certainly looks like one.
136
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,170
It's a championship Laker watch.
137
00:09:25,934 --> 00:09:27,652
Oh! Are you a Laker?
138
00:09:27,854 --> 00:09:33,087
I used to date one.
Only thing I have to remember him by.
139
00:09:33,294 --> 00:09:35,250
[sighs]
140
00:09:39,775 --> 00:09:41,731
Lord, what was that?
141
00:09:41,935 --> 00:09:45,814
We just clipped a Piper Cub. The pilot's
OK. I just saw him parachuting.
142
00:09:46,015 --> 00:09:48,051
[laughs, snorts]
143
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:52,771
I love a man with a sense of humour.
What did you say your name was?
144
00:09:54,175 --> 00:09:56,052
Nostradamus.
145
00:09:56,255 --> 00:09:58,211
I'm Cindy Mae Sample.
146
00:09:58,415 --> 00:10:02,090
Nostradamus. I love the Fightin' Irish.
147
00:10:02,295 --> 00:10:05,924
Lord, I hate to fly. I wish I was
gettin' off in Thibodaux like you.
148
00:10:06,135 --> 00:10:10,651
It's two more stops to Selma. All those
ups and downs and ups and downs.
149
00:10:12,215 --> 00:10:16,175
[sighs]
You should try holding your breath.
150
00:10:16,376 --> 00:10:18,412
Sometimes that works.
151
00:10:20,816 --> 00:10:22,772
[Cindy inhales noisily]
152
00:10:22,976 --> 00:10:24,932
Belle Isle.
153
00:10:26,656 --> 00:10:29,853
# Hear us calling
154
00:10:30,056 --> 00:10:32,695
# We are calling
155
00:10:32,896 --> 00:10:33,965
[Fletch] Belle Isle.
156
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:40,172
# While our heads are bending low
157
00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:42,933
# Can you hear
158
00:10:43,136 --> 00:10:48,847
# Our gentle voices calling
159
00:10:49,056 --> 00:10:55,656
# Old White Joe #
160
00:10:55,857 --> 00:10:57,813
Thank you, Betty Lee.
161
00:10:58,017 --> 00:10:59,291
[singers hum]
162
00:10:59,497 --> 00:11:03,376
Look, Colonel,
the folks have come to serenade you.
163
00:11:03,577 --> 00:11:05,647
[Betty Lee] They love you so much.
164
00:11:05,857 --> 00:11:08,530
- I love them too.
- [all hum]
165
00:11:08,737 --> 00:11:10,693
Give me that, boy!
166
00:11:13,817 --> 00:11:15,808
[spits]
167
00:11:17,497 --> 00:11:19,931
- Thank you, sir.
- Quiet down.
168
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:22,093
- Uncle Frank?
- Yes, sir?
169
00:11:22,297 --> 00:11:26,495
- You know my favourite tune.
- Sure do, Colonel.
170
00:11:26,697 --> 00:11:29,735
Would you mind
if I sat in your lap, Colonel?
171
00:11:29,938 --> 00:11:32,327
Please do, Betty Lee.
Please do.
172
00:11:32,538 --> 00:11:35,257
The field hands would like
to dance for you.
173
00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:37,414
Dance for me?
174
00:11:37,618 --> 00:11:40,416
- Why, I'll dance for them!
- [cheering]
175
00:11:40,618 --> 00:11:41,573
Yes, sir!
176
00:11:41,778 --> 00:11:46,090
# Zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Zip-a-dee-ay
177
00:11:46,298 --> 00:11:50,337
# My, oh, my
what a wonderful day
178
00:11:50,538 --> 00:11:53,735
# Plenty of sunshine
headin'our way
179
00:11:53,938 --> 00:11:54,893
You bet!
180
00:11:55,098 --> 00:11:58,534
# Zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Zip-a-dee-ay
181
00:11:58,738 --> 00:12:02,617
# Mr Bluebird's on my shoulder
182
00:12:02,818 --> 00:12:05,651
# Ain't it the truth
It's actual
183
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:07,656
# Everything is satisfactual
184
00:12:07,859 --> 00:12:11,932
# Zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Zip-a-dee-ay
185
00:12:12,139 --> 00:12:15,336
# Wonderful feeling
186
00:12:15,539 --> 00:12:18,895
# Wonderful day #
187
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:30,815
You made it, Mr Notre Dame.
188
00:12:31,859 --> 00:12:33,815
[PA system]
189
00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:40,292
Mr Fletcher. I'm Amanda Ray Ross.
190
00:12:40,499 --> 00:12:44,094
- I spoke with you on the phone.
- Oh, yes. That was you?
191
00:12:44,299 --> 00:12:46,097
Great.
192
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,212
- Do you have any luggage?
- Just one piece.
193
00:13:00,660 --> 00:13:02,810
[Amanda] Plannin' on stayin' long?
194
00:13:03,020 --> 00:13:07,013
Just long enough to see Mount Rushmore
and squeeze in a little ice fishing.
195
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:12,854
I'm on the board
of the Pontchartrain Society.
196
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:16,257
We help preserve and restore
some of these lovely mansions.
197
00:13:22,341 --> 00:13:23,740
We headed to Belle Isle?
198
00:13:23,941 --> 00:13:26,057
You must be dying to see it,
Mr Fletcher.
199
00:13:26,261 --> 00:13:27,296
Call me Fletch.
200
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:30,891
Your house is not as grand
as some others in the neighbourhood.
201
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:34,537
It doesn't matter. It's the thought
that counts. Eighty acres?
202
00:13:34,741 --> 00:13:38,336
Mm-hmm. Isn't it strikin'?
203
00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:45,130
Your aunt tried to keep things
in their natural state.
204
00:13:46,141 --> 00:13:48,450
She ever brush her hair?
205
00:13:49,381 --> 00:13:52,293
- I can see you're disappointed.
- No, not at all!
206
00:13:52,501 --> 00:13:56,619
A little spackling and some napalm,
this place would make a nice mausoleum.
207
00:14:08,262 --> 00:14:10,332
Oh, my God! Are you all right?
208
00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:14,854
Oh! I was aimin' to fix that today.
How do you do?
209
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:18,338
I be Calculus Entterby.
You be Mr and Mrs Fletcher?
210
00:14:18,542 --> 00:14:23,013
I be Fletch. Geometry Fletch.
She be Miss Trigonometry Ross.
211
00:14:23,222 --> 00:14:27,420
Pleased, I'm sure. Your Aunt Belle
told me you'd be takin' over the place,
212
00:14:27,622 --> 00:14:29,658
and I'm extendin' my "condulations".
213
00:14:31,862 --> 00:14:33,614
Right. You work here?
214
00:14:33,822 --> 00:14:36,211
Your Aunt Belle and I,
we had an arrangement.
215
00:14:36,422 --> 00:14:39,972
And I was hopin' we could
make an extenuation of it.
216
00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:44,222
Help me get your stuff out the car here.
Come on.
217
00:14:45,983 --> 00:14:49,862
You mind your step.
Our families go back hundreds of years.
218
00:14:50,063 --> 00:14:54,375
Your great grandparents owned my great
grandparents. That's how it all started.
219
00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:57,051
Ever hear of
the Emancipation Proclamation?
220
00:14:58,623 --> 00:15:01,535
I heard somethin' about it,
but I don't recall exactly.
221
00:15:01,743 --> 00:15:04,382
It didn't get much publicity
around these parts.
222
00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:07,143
- I'll bet.
- Excuse me, sir.
223
00:15:08,183 --> 00:15:10,139
Could you give me a hand?
224
00:15:12,983 --> 00:15:15,054
Just pull it towards you.
Just pull it.
225
00:15:16,304 --> 00:15:18,022
Come on, come on. Just pull it.
226
00:15:18,224 --> 00:15:20,260
Just pull it on over. That's it.
227
00:15:20,464 --> 00:15:22,261
Don't scar the car.
228
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,932
Is there any electricity or gas?
229
00:15:25,144 --> 00:15:28,693
- Everything works.
- No cable TV, I guess?
230
00:15:28,904 --> 00:15:33,341
If I'd known, I'd have straightened out
a bit and stocked your refrigerator.
231
00:15:33,544 --> 00:15:36,342
- No food?
- No refrigerator.
232
00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:39,297
We need to do some paperwork.
Want a lift into town?
233
00:15:39,504 --> 00:15:42,894
- And leave my estate unattended?
- It's not yours till you sign.
234
00:15:43,104 --> 00:15:46,414
I can make you some dinner.
Ease the culture shock.
235
00:15:46,624 --> 00:15:48,580
That sounds great.
236
00:15:48,784 --> 00:15:51,618
- Should I be doin' anything?
- No, not really.
237
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:54,703
After you get that trunk upstairs
and finish your nap,
238
00:15:54,905 --> 00:15:58,784
you could fix that step and jump down,
turn around and pick a bale of cotton.
239
00:15:58,985 --> 00:16:02,739
While I'm gone, see to it Miss Scarlett
stays away from the Union Army.
240
00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:08,581
[Amanda] More wine?
241
00:16:08,785 --> 00:16:11,140
[Fletch] You trying
to take advantage of me?
242
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,735
[Amanda] Not yet.
You need to sign these papers.
243
00:16:17,825 --> 00:16:20,817
- Do you mind if I read 'em first?
- Be my guest.
244
00:16:22,265 --> 00:16:24,460
Had you talked to your aunt recently?
245
00:16:24,665 --> 00:16:28,499
That depends on your view of history.
It's been 16 years.
246
00:16:30,026 --> 00:16:32,017
- Sign all three?
- Please.
247
00:16:32,226 --> 00:16:35,935
I just wondered. She changed her will
three weeks before she died.
248
00:16:37,466 --> 00:16:40,503
Well, lucky for me.
Why'd she do that?
249
00:16:40,706 --> 00:16:44,745
I don't know. She was old.
Seemed to be under a lot of strain.
250
00:16:47,026 --> 00:16:48,982
Dying always does that to you.
251
00:16:50,666 --> 00:16:55,023
Congratulations. You know, you can make
yourself some good money out of this.
252
00:16:55,226 --> 00:16:59,458
A realtor contacted me
with an unusually high offer. 225,000.
253
00:16:59,666 --> 00:17:02,100
- Dollars?
- Mm-hmm.
254
00:17:03,266 --> 00:17:05,416
Let me ask you this.
255
00:17:05,626 --> 00:17:09,017
Don't you think if I wait
a little longer, they might go up?
256
00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:12,264
- They might.
- And I just got here, didn't I?
257
00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:14,139
No sale?
258
00:17:17,147 --> 00:17:20,583
While you're thinking,
what are you gonna do with the land?
259
00:17:20,787 --> 00:17:24,939
I don't know. Raise chitlins...
The chitlin' market as high as it is.
260
00:17:25,147 --> 00:17:29,060
They're mean little animals,
but their coats are worth a fortune.
261
00:17:30,547 --> 00:17:35,257
$225,000?
What do you think I oughta do?
262
00:17:36,187 --> 00:17:40,897
If I were you,
I would proceed slowly and carefully.
263
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,702
That's my specialty.
264
00:17:44,908 --> 00:17:47,741
- Would you like dessert?
- What do you have in mind?
265
00:17:47,948 --> 00:17:51,736
How 'bout something sweet...
and Southern?
266
00:18:11,428 --> 00:18:14,147
[muffled groan]
267
00:18:30,269 --> 00:18:32,146
[Fletch] I used your toothbrush.
268
00:18:32,349 --> 00:18:36,422
Would've used your razor, but it looks
like you've been gardening with it.
269
00:18:37,949 --> 00:18:41,658
Gee, I can't believe we slept this late.
270
00:18:41,869 --> 00:18:46,147
Amanda?
Want to drive me to Belle Isle?
271
00:18:50,709 --> 00:18:52,540
I guess not.
272
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:02,626
It was good, but not that good.
273
00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:10,420
Morning, Mr Fletcher. If that's your
real name. I'm Billy Jo Hendrick.
274
00:19:10,630 --> 00:19:12,939
Howdy.
275
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:15,266
What's your relationship to Amanda Ray?
276
00:19:15,470 --> 00:19:17,506
She was my attorney.
277
00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:21,020
She was working on my briefs. [chuckles]
278
00:19:21,230 --> 00:19:24,779
- You come here, y'all just hit it off?
- So to speak.
279
00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:28,300
Sparks just flew.
That's what you're gonna tell me.
280
00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:31,785
Wonder why that never happens to me?
281
00:19:32,870 --> 00:19:34,349
Wonder why.
282
00:19:36,271 --> 00:19:40,184
Were y'all usin' some drugs you brought
in from California by any chance?
283
00:19:40,391 --> 00:19:42,905
[sighs] Just some beaujolais.
284
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,420
Beaujolais?
285
00:19:45,631 --> 00:19:48,020
It's a pretty popular drug
made from grapes?
286
00:19:48,231 --> 00:19:50,825
- You feel like makin' a statement?
- A statement?
287
00:19:54,031 --> 00:19:56,147
"Ask not what your country
can do for you,
288
00:19:56,351 --> 00:19:58,262
ask what you can do for your
country."
289
00:19:58,471 --> 00:20:04,023
You wanna make it hard. Let's see how
you feel after some time in the tank.
290
00:20:04,231 --> 00:20:05,459
Y'all, come on.
291
00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:07,502
- All of us?
- Just you.
292
00:20:07,711 --> 00:20:10,828
- What's the charge?
- Pissin' me off.
293
00:20:11,031 --> 00:20:13,227
- Felony or misdemeanour?
- That's it!
294
00:20:16,592 --> 00:20:17,547
[clunk]
295
00:20:17,752 --> 00:20:20,061
You're cleaner than
most of the ones we get.
296
00:20:20,272 --> 00:20:23,708
You smell nice.
I expect you'll be popular.
297
00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:26,543
You have to read me my rights.
298
00:20:26,752 --> 00:20:30,028
Or at least find someone who can read
to do it for you.
299
00:20:31,512 --> 00:20:33,468
[keys rattle in lock]
300
00:20:35,152 --> 00:20:39,225
A little gamey in here.
Not much ventilation, huh?
301
00:20:41,192 --> 00:20:43,148
How's the chow?
302
00:20:50,593 --> 00:20:54,791
You know, you shouldn't wear so much
eye make-up. It makes you look cheap.
303
00:20:54,993 --> 00:20:57,348
You're sittin' on my bunk.
304
00:20:57,553 --> 00:20:59,987
- Sorry.
- Shut up!
305
00:21:03,913 --> 00:21:05,744
Take your pants off.
306
00:21:09,353 --> 00:21:12,151
Er... I don't even know your name.
307
00:21:12,353 --> 00:21:14,184
Bend over.
308
00:21:14,393 --> 00:21:17,191
Ben? Nice to meet you.
Victor Hugo.
309
00:21:17,393 --> 00:21:21,068
You don't have a middle name, do you?
Everybody else here seems to.
310
00:21:21,273 --> 00:21:25,027
- What are you in for, Ben?
- Molesting a dead horse.
311
00:21:25,233 --> 00:21:28,431
Ooh, there's no crime in that.
312
00:21:28,634 --> 00:21:32,343
That's your right as an American.
I'm tryin' to cut down myself.
313
00:21:32,554 --> 00:21:36,706
His missus hit him on the head with
a hammer whilst he was eatin' a sausage
314
00:21:36,914 --> 00:21:40,190
and almost choked him to death.
315
00:21:40,394 --> 00:21:45,627
OK, beautiful, let's hope another long
night in the tank has sobered you up.
316
00:21:49,154 --> 00:21:50,633
Ben?
317
00:21:51,514 --> 00:21:55,223
If I don't hear from you on
Valentine's Day, I'll be disappointed.
318
00:21:55,434 --> 00:21:58,028
- [growls]
- [laughs]
319
00:21:58,994 --> 00:22:01,906
Mr Johnson,
I'm surprised to see you here.
320
00:22:02,114 --> 00:22:05,869
Judge Watkins usually assigns
these small potatoes to Billy Ray.
321
00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:10,591
He's on vacation. This is the price
I pay for the proximity of my office.
322
00:22:10,795 --> 00:22:12,831
Excuse me. Sir?
323
00:22:13,035 --> 00:22:15,833
You don't have a card, do you?
Or a price list?
324
00:22:16,035 --> 00:22:19,630
Well, matter of fact, I do.
325
00:22:20,875 --> 00:22:23,787
I'm Hamilton Johnson.
I'm an attorney at law.
326
00:22:23,995 --> 00:22:27,670
You take cases or do you specialise
in transvestite necrophiliacs?
327
00:22:27,875 --> 00:22:30,070
Not enough evidence to hold you.
328
00:22:30,275 --> 00:22:34,791
Just a form of intimidation putting
you in a cell with that Neanderthal.
329
00:22:34,995 --> 00:22:38,431
She wasn't so bad. If she'd just fix up
her hair and shave her back.
330
00:22:38,675 --> 00:22:42,874
It's so embarrassin', this sort of thing
still goes on in the new South.
331
00:22:43,076 --> 00:22:47,069
'Course, 20 years ago a Yankee like you
could've been lyin' in the ditch.
332
00:22:48,356 --> 00:22:50,551
I'm assumin', of course, that...
333
00:22:50,756 --> 00:22:54,544
you had nothin' whatsoever to do
with the death of Amanda Ray.
334
00:22:54,756 --> 00:22:57,793
- Sure hope not.
- Hop in.
335
00:22:57,996 --> 00:23:02,387
I was shocked to hear about this.
She was such a dear friend.
336
00:23:02,596 --> 00:23:04,552
So tragic...
337
00:23:04,756 --> 00:23:08,669
when this happens
to somebody so young and healthy.
338
00:23:08,876 --> 00:23:12,186
- Was she feelin' all right last night?
- She felt great to me.
339
00:23:12,396 --> 00:23:15,149
[Hamilton]
Just smell that soft Southern air.
340
00:23:17,156 --> 00:23:21,116
It's so sad to see
this beautiful pastoral countryside
341
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:25,276
blighted by the greed of a few men
in pursuit of the almighty dollar.
342
00:23:25,477 --> 00:23:27,308
That's my place over there.
343
00:23:27,517 --> 00:23:32,272
The trees just beyond it screen off the
Bibleland Amusement Park in the daytime,
344
00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:34,593
but at night,
they make a hell of a racket.
345
00:23:41,197 --> 00:23:45,031
- Thanks for everything, Hamilton.
- Most welcome. Just call me Ham.
346
00:23:46,477 --> 00:23:48,945
Ham, call me Fletch.
347
00:23:49,157 --> 00:23:53,594
All right, Fletch.
Anything I can do to help ya.
348
00:23:54,797 --> 00:23:55,752
Fletch!
349
00:23:55,957 --> 00:23:59,633
- Might I give you some personal advice?
- Is it free?
350
00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:03,877
To the sheriff and his sort of people,
you're an outsider.
351
00:24:04,078 --> 00:24:06,114
Guilty in spite of the law.
352
00:24:06,318 --> 00:24:08,991
Should I get outta town
before sundown?
353
00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:11,587
It's not that bad, but...
354
00:24:11,798 --> 00:24:15,188
if I were you,
lookin' for peace and quiet...
355
00:24:15,398 --> 00:24:18,708
Well, they can make it
a might uncomfortable for ya.
356
00:24:18,918 --> 00:24:21,591
- It's gonna take time.
- Thanks, Ham.
357
00:24:21,798 --> 00:24:23,709
Bye.
358
00:24:23,918 --> 00:24:25,749
My pleasure.
359
00:24:25,958 --> 00:24:27,914
Anything I can do for ya.
360
00:24:45,439 --> 00:24:48,909
Welcome back.
I thought you run off for good.
361
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,075
Does this car run?
362
00:24:51,279 --> 00:24:55,192
Yeah, but Miss Belle stopped drivin' it
when the brakes ran out.
363
00:24:55,399 --> 00:24:58,038
I run a few errands from time to time,
364
00:24:58,239 --> 00:25:01,072
but if you wanna stop it,
you got to think ahead.
365
00:25:02,599 --> 00:25:06,990
Hmm. I finally got the place
straightened out for you.
366
00:25:07,199 --> 00:25:09,872
Mm-hmm. When was that?
Back in 1970?
367
00:25:10,079 --> 00:25:15,200
Your Aunt Belle, she lived in this
one room. Didn't take up much space.
368
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,072
- Calculus?
- Hmm?
369
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,430
You don't see a spider, do you?
370
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,036
Spiders is good.
371
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,471
- They eats the cockroaches.
- Yeah, sure they do.
372
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,875
- [owl hoots]
- [Calculus] Mister Owl.
373
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,277
This is more like it.
This is what I came here for.
374
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,756
Yes, sir. Peace and quiet.
375
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:40,317
[megaphone] Scum, scum, scum!
Go back to where you're from!
376
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,273
- Friends of yours?
- Nothin' to me.
377
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,789
"The loyal sons of the...
378
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,630
[Klansman] Buford, where's the cross.
Did you bring the cross?
379
00:25:49,841 --> 00:25:54,631
"...white race will not allow
any kind of alien infection...
380
00:25:55,881 --> 00:25:58,076
to invade our beloved land."
381
00:25:59,921 --> 00:26:04,790
Scum, scum, scum.
Go back to where you're from.
382
00:26:05,001 --> 00:26:09,074
Do it together.
Scum, scum, scum. Go back...
383
00:26:09,281 --> 00:26:12,910
Get the hell outta here and go home!
Scum! Pigs!
384
00:26:13,121 --> 00:26:14,873
Sorry I'm late.
385
00:26:15,081 --> 00:26:17,720
- Who goes there?
- Henry Himmler.
386
00:26:17,921 --> 00:26:21,072
- What Klavan claims you?
- California Klavan, Cucamonga.
387
00:26:21,281 --> 00:26:22,999
California?
388
00:26:23,201 --> 00:26:26,034
I was passing through,
lookin' for something to do.
389
00:26:26,241 --> 00:26:28,631
There was nothing goin' on
at the Rotary Club.
390
00:26:28,842 --> 00:26:31,436
Welcome, Henry.
I'm the Grand Kleagle.
391
00:26:31,642 --> 00:26:33,439
Oh.
392
00:26:39,042 --> 00:26:41,761
California thing.
Pig-faced scum!
393
00:26:41,962 --> 00:26:43,520
What's the occasion?
394
00:26:43,722 --> 00:26:47,158
Some undesirable carpetbagger...
I think.
395
00:26:47,362 --> 00:26:52,675
Damn! Boys, I just got a closer peek.
There's nobody in there.
396
00:26:52,882 --> 00:26:56,841
- We're wasting our time.
- [grumbling]
397
00:27:00,722 --> 00:27:04,955
- And I washed all these sheets!
- Who's this?
398
00:27:05,163 --> 00:27:08,951
Oh. Sorry. Hi, fellas. Hank Himmler.
399
00:27:09,163 --> 00:27:10,801
Hi, Hank.
400
00:27:11,003 --> 00:27:15,838
The cross won't burn, nobody home.
Hell, it ain't like it used to be.
401
00:27:16,043 --> 00:27:18,273
You said it.
402
00:27:18,483 --> 00:27:22,954
I couldn't get over 13 guys out tonight.
Five of them are green recruits.
403
00:27:23,163 --> 00:27:25,597
- Kinda stand-ins, you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
404
00:27:25,803 --> 00:27:28,681
- We call 'em Klookies.
- Klookies?
405
00:27:28,883 --> 00:27:33,354
That's good!
Of course, it's just a contract job.
406
00:27:33,563 --> 00:27:35,315
Yeah. Contract job?
407
00:27:35,523 --> 00:27:39,357
Yeah! We've been havin' a terrible time
down here. We've had to rent out.
408
00:27:45,364 --> 00:27:47,355
Here I come!
409
00:27:47,564 --> 00:27:49,555
[speak nonsense]
410
00:27:50,844 --> 00:27:54,757
- Gene Hackman, kick your ass.
- It 's some kind of African dialect!
411
00:27:54,964 --> 00:27:57,524
[speaks nonsense]
412
00:28:02,124 --> 00:28:03,955
Hi.
413
00:28:06,964 --> 00:28:08,920
[knocking at door]
414
00:28:21,245 --> 00:28:22,963
Morning.
415
00:28:23,165 --> 00:28:25,395
- Mr Fletcher?
- As far as you know.
416
00:28:25,605 --> 00:28:28,073
I'm Becky Ann Culpepper.
Thibodaux Realty.
417
00:28:29,045 --> 00:28:33,004
I'd offer you some coffee and eggs
Benedict, but we're all out of Benedict.
418
00:28:33,205 --> 00:28:37,084
- Thanks. I've already eaten.
- What can I do to... for you?
419
00:28:37,285 --> 00:28:41,961
You may have heard that there's a party
interested in acquiring your property.
420
00:28:42,165 --> 00:28:44,360
A substantial offer.
421
00:28:46,845 --> 00:28:50,121
- How substantial?
- $250,000.
422
00:28:51,365 --> 00:28:53,595
Phew! I don't know.
423
00:28:53,805 --> 00:28:56,445
I had big plans for this place.
424
00:28:56,646 --> 00:28:59,479
Mini mall with a yoghurt bar
and a tanning parlour.
425
00:28:59,686 --> 00:29:02,644
Well, Mr Fletcher,
all I know is $250,000
426
00:29:02,846 --> 00:29:06,441
is a mighty generous price
for land in this area.
427
00:29:06,646 --> 00:29:10,434
- Who's your client?
- I'm not at liberty to say.
428
00:29:10,646 --> 00:29:15,197
- Well, then I'm not at liberty to sell.
- This is a tremendous opportunity.
429
00:29:15,406 --> 00:29:19,319
Tell you what. I'll consult with my
people who'll contact their people,
430
00:29:19,526 --> 00:29:21,994
and they'll get in touch
with your people.
431
00:29:22,206 --> 00:29:24,766
- Who are your people?
- Who are yours?
432
00:29:25,606 --> 00:29:28,074
As I said,
I have to keep that confidential.
433
00:29:28,846 --> 00:29:32,998
Very well. I'll just have my people
contact each other. Keep 'em busy.
434
00:29:33,206 --> 00:29:36,165
All right. Well, just keep me in mind.
Here's my card.
435
00:29:36,367 --> 00:29:38,164
Oh, I'll keep you in mind.
436
00:29:39,407 --> 00:29:42,240
Hope we can do this again
sometime soon.
437
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,403
In about 10 minutes?
438
00:29:53,127 --> 00:29:56,676
[Fletch] That night I decided
to return to the scene of the crime.
439
00:29:56,887 --> 00:30:00,482
It let me check out my new car
and practise my parallel parking.
440
00:30:00,687 --> 00:30:02,882
[squeaking]
441
00:30:09,927 --> 00:30:13,443
[Fletch] So far the only really good
suspect in Amanda's death was me,
442
00:30:13,648 --> 00:30:16,242
and I was pretty sure
that I didn't do it.
443
00:30:16,448 --> 00:30:20,043
Amanda knew more than she'd let on,
but the only clue she'd left me
444
00:30:20,248 --> 00:30:23,923
was a reference to Aunt Belle
changing her will just before she died.
445
00:30:25,408 --> 00:30:28,684
I knew the local police force
was watching her place carefully
446
00:30:28,888 --> 00:30:30,844
so there'd be no trouble getting in.
447
00:30:31,568 --> 00:30:35,322
Over the years I found Mr Underhill's
credit card to be a useful tool,
448
00:30:35,528 --> 00:30:37,644
much like Underhill himself.
449
00:30:50,929 --> 00:30:54,683
As usual, I was willing to risk my life
to get a peek into a filing cabinet.
450
00:30:54,889 --> 00:30:58,768
I love them when they're unlocked,
organized and tell me what I wanna know.
451
00:30:58,969 --> 00:31:01,039
Belle's legal files were in good order,
452
00:31:01,249 --> 00:31:04,366
with the exception of something missing
under "Bluebird".
453
00:31:06,969 --> 00:31:09,199
She'd almost left Belle Isle
to a minister.
454
00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:12,367
Obviously at one time
he must have touched her deeply.
455
00:31:13,329 --> 00:31:17,880
I guess he didn't touch her
deeply enough, or in the right place.
456
00:31:18,089 --> 00:31:19,681
[door unlocks]
457
00:31:24,369 --> 00:31:27,806
Thank you very much.
Couldn't find that light switch.
458
00:31:28,010 --> 00:31:30,888
What the hell you doin' here?
This is a restricted area.
459
00:31:31,090 --> 00:31:36,084
- Didn't you see the sign?
- Signs! All I see is signs. Look here.
460
00:31:36,290 --> 00:31:39,726
Stressed out "dormants",
walls deplaning to an alarming degree.
461
00:31:39,930 --> 00:31:40,885
Deplaning?
462
00:31:41,090 --> 00:31:44,048
This house is infested
with reticulermes Mario Cuomos.
463
00:31:44,250 --> 00:31:46,206
- What's that?
- What's what?
464
00:31:46,410 --> 00:31:49,129
Reticulermes.
You can't even say it yourself.
465
00:31:49,330 --> 00:31:52,208
They are deadly
African microscopic termites.
466
00:31:52,930 --> 00:31:55,649
They eat 100 times their weight
in five minutes.
467
00:31:55,850 --> 00:31:59,604
Much like yourself.
This place is about ready to collapse.
468
00:31:59,810 --> 00:32:02,483
- Who are you?
- Billie Jean King, Bug Busters.
469
00:32:02,690 --> 00:32:04,124
My van's parked out front.
470
00:32:04,331 --> 00:32:07,004
Mr King, I don't know nothin'
about no Bug Busters.
471
00:32:07,211 --> 00:32:11,045
The Surgeon General was right.
They've been mighty busy here.
472
00:32:14,051 --> 00:32:16,929
The only time you can catch 'em
is at night.
473
00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:21,729
Ah-ha! I got one! See that?
474
00:32:21,931 --> 00:32:24,968
These little buggers
are the piranhas of the insect world.
475
00:32:25,171 --> 00:32:27,765
- The also feed on human flesh.
- Really?
476
00:32:27,971 --> 00:32:30,360
- You bet.
- How do you know you got one?
477
00:32:30,571 --> 00:32:34,450
I'm glad I asked that question. They
make this horrible high-pitched noise.
478
00:32:34,651 --> 00:32:38,724
It's kinda like a tiny little scream.
Can you hear that?
479
00:32:38,931 --> 00:32:41,571
Can you hear that?
Like a tiny little piglet.
480
00:32:41,772 --> 00:32:44,923
No? Uh-oh.
I seem to have dropped it in your ear.
481
00:32:45,132 --> 00:32:47,441
- You what?
- That's all right.
482
00:32:47,652 --> 00:32:52,123
We better get that. Can't let that nest
in there. They multiply by masturbation.
483
00:32:52,332 --> 00:32:55,085
The only way to get that out
is to get close to the floor.
484
00:32:55,292 --> 00:32:58,443
Go on down. That's right.
They're drawn to the floorboards.
485
00:32:58,652 --> 00:33:01,371
Shake your head
like you're trying to get water out.
486
00:33:01,572 --> 00:33:04,928
That's good. But hit it...
No, this side. That's right.
487
00:33:05,132 --> 00:33:08,488
Now make that scream.
That'll draw 'em out. Squeal like a pig.
488
00:33:08,692 --> 00:33:11,286
- [squeals]
- A little higher. I found a queen!
489
00:33:11,492 --> 00:33:14,370
I don't believe it.
No one's ever found a queen.
490
00:33:14,572 --> 00:33:17,086
I gotta get this to the lab
and get a stool sample.
491
00:33:17,292 --> 00:33:20,729
[officer squeals]
492
00:33:27,253 --> 00:33:31,166
[Fletch] After my close call with
Miss Piggy, I couldn't wait to get home.
493
00:33:31,373 --> 00:33:33,091
I had a lot of decorating ideas.
494
00:33:33,293 --> 00:33:37,172
I didn't have a lot of money, but I
could move the pool closer to the house.
495
00:33:37,373 --> 00:33:39,329
[brakes squeal]
496
00:33:44,133 --> 00:33:46,931
I could see
I wasn't gonna get much privacy.
497
00:34:24,534 --> 00:34:27,207
[television]
498
00:34:27,654 --> 00:34:30,009
- Who's there?
- It's Avon calling.
499
00:34:31,134 --> 00:34:32,807
Oh! It's you!
500
00:34:33,015 --> 00:34:35,973
- I'd like to talk to you for a minute.
- Yeah, come on in.
501
00:34:37,535 --> 00:34:40,732
Come on in. Have a seat.
Make yourself at home.
502
00:34:40,935 --> 00:34:42,891
What's on your mind?
503
00:34:44,015 --> 00:34:46,131
- Well...
- [water sloshes]
504
00:34:48,375 --> 00:34:50,491
What do you do?
Mud wrestle in this thing?
505
00:34:50,695 --> 00:34:53,163
I'm sorry about that,
but I won it in a raffle.
506
00:34:53,375 --> 00:34:55,525
Must be an art
to sitting in one of these.
507
00:34:56,735 --> 00:34:58,453
Lost art.
508
00:34:58,655 --> 00:35:01,533
- You get the Lakers?
- I'm lucky to get Wheel of Fortune.
509
00:35:01,735 --> 00:35:04,488
Why would somebody
want to buy this land?
510
00:35:04,695 --> 00:35:06,413
Insect research.
511
00:35:06,615 --> 00:35:09,175
[TV] Boston two-and-a-half back
of the Yankees.
512
00:35:09,375 --> 00:35:12,209
I have an offer for $250,000.
513
00:35:12,416 --> 00:35:16,204
Take the money and run!
What you thinkin'?
514
00:35:16,416 --> 00:35:19,249
What do you know about
this Farnsworth Ministry?
515
00:35:19,456 --> 00:35:23,085
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth?
Down here everybody knows about him.
516
00:35:23,296 --> 00:35:26,049
Your Aunt Belle used to watch him
when she was laid up.
517
00:35:27,256 --> 00:35:32,205
...and that is
have you've been saved?
518
00:35:32,416 --> 00:35:35,806
I know that there are
a lot of you out there tonight
519
00:35:36,016 --> 00:35:40,726
that the devil has got a firm grip round
your neck and is choking you to deathl
520
00:35:40,936 --> 00:35:42,449
Amenl
521
00:35:42,656 --> 00:35:44,931
I want you to send
whatever you can afford.
522
00:35:45,136 --> 00:35:50,291
If you've got $1,000 in the bank, don't
be afraid to send the whole $1,000.
523
00:35:50,497 --> 00:35:54,251
I need your money.
Bibleland is only halfway there.
524
00:35:54,457 --> 00:35:57,767
- Bible... land.
- The most important attraction...
525
00:35:57,977 --> 00:35:59,968
since the Crucifixion itself.
526
00:36:00,177 --> 00:36:02,566
[Man]
lmmediate seating for the 5.00 service.
527
00:36:02,777 --> 00:36:04,893
The 5.00 service is about to begin.
528
00:36:05,097 --> 00:36:07,611
Immediate seating for the 5.00 service.
529
00:36:07,817 --> 00:36:10,126
- Welcome, sinner.
- [Fletch] Praise the Lord!
530
00:36:10,337 --> 00:36:12,976
- Bless you.
- Bless you, bless her, bless him.
531
00:36:13,177 --> 00:36:16,806
- Name please.
- Irwin. Fletcher. Irwin M Fletcher.
532
00:36:17,017 --> 00:36:18,575
Irwin Mahatma Fletcher.
533
00:36:18,777 --> 00:36:20,176
- Address?
- Seven.
534
00:36:20,377 --> 00:36:23,414
[announcer]
It's time for the 4,323rd edition...
535
00:36:23,617 --> 00:36:26,530
of the Farnsworth Television Ministry
with...
536
00:36:26,738 --> 00:36:29,810
Mimsy Carlyle, God's own songbird.
537
00:36:30,018 --> 00:36:33,249
The heavenly feet of Damon Feather.
538
00:36:34,738 --> 00:36:38,174
Mr Coco.
The Winfield Revivalists.
539
00:36:38,378 --> 00:36:42,053
The Bradley Family Singers,
and Ted Medly and the Band.
540
00:36:42,258 --> 00:36:47,127
And now, the host of our show, the
Ministry's founder and your friend...
541
00:36:47,338 --> 00:36:52,128
Mr Good News himself,
the Reverend Jimmy Lee Farnsworth.
542
00:36:52,338 --> 00:36:54,294
[organ fanfare plays]
543
00:37:03,459 --> 00:37:07,293
I know that there is
someone out there tonight
544
00:37:07,499 --> 00:37:09,455
who needs to step forward.
545
00:37:10,819 --> 00:37:12,537
Lyda Pearl Shindley.
546
00:37:12,739 --> 00:37:14,172
Me?
547
00:37:14,379 --> 00:37:18,657
Lyda Pearl, come on down here! Give her
a big hand, folks! Make her welcome!
548
00:37:18,859 --> 00:37:20,815
All right!
549
00:37:23,779 --> 00:37:26,168
Bless you. God bless you.
550
00:37:27,859 --> 00:37:31,818
I know that you suffered a terrible
tragedy when you lost Jo Bob
551
00:37:32,019 --> 00:37:34,692
in the merry-go-round accident
at the State Fair.
552
00:37:34,899 --> 00:37:35,854
I did.
553
00:37:36,059 --> 00:37:39,735
I also know that Jo Bob
left you financially stable.
554
00:37:39,940 --> 00:37:42,249
But answer me this one question.
555
00:37:42,460 --> 00:37:45,850
Has all of them riches
brung you happiness, child?
556
00:37:46,060 --> 00:37:48,210
No, they haven't. I've sinned.
557
00:37:48,420 --> 00:37:50,809
We've all sinned.
558
00:37:51,020 --> 00:37:53,693
I know, but I've really sinned.
559
00:37:55,540 --> 00:37:57,849
God, have her not mention my name.
560
00:37:58,060 --> 00:38:01,609
[Farnsworth] Say it aloud
so your soul might be cleansed.
561
00:38:01,820 --> 00:38:05,608
I'm so ashamed.
I slept with my best friend's husband.
562
00:38:05,820 --> 00:38:08,209
[Jimmy] You are forgiven.
Praise the Lord.
563
00:38:08,420 --> 00:38:09,375
Amen!
564
00:38:09,580 --> 00:38:13,971
- And I also slept with my Uncle James.
- You are forgiven, child.
565
00:38:14,180 --> 00:38:17,969
Ladies and gentlemen, doesn't it take
a tremendous amount of courage
566
00:38:18,181 --> 00:38:21,298
to come up here
on nationwide cable hook-up
567
00:38:21,501 --> 00:38:24,140
and confess to human "frailities"?
568
00:38:24,341 --> 00:38:27,538
- I shoplifted this blouse and...
- You've been forgiven.
569
00:38:27,741 --> 00:38:29,618
Demons out!
570
00:38:29,821 --> 00:38:33,530
- [applause]
- Praise be! Praise the Lord!
571
00:38:33,741 --> 00:38:37,700
Ladies and gentlemen, praise be,
praise the Lord.
572
00:38:37,901 --> 00:38:39,095
Bravo!
573
00:38:39,301 --> 00:38:42,293
Surely Lyda Pearl was not alone.
574
00:38:42,501 --> 00:38:46,699
Surely there is someone else out there
whose life is full of confusion.
575
00:38:46,901 --> 00:38:49,973
[earpiece] Irwin M Fletcher
just inherited Belle Isle.
576
00:38:50,181 --> 00:38:53,173
I sense deep grief and loneliness.
577
00:38:53,381 --> 00:38:56,294
I sense a recent bereavement.
578
00:38:56,502 --> 00:39:00,131
Someone who has lost
an uncle or an aunt.
579
00:39:00,342 --> 00:39:02,697
Mr Fletcher.
580
00:39:04,262 --> 00:39:07,937
- Mr Irwin M Fletcher.
- That's me.
581
00:39:08,142 --> 00:39:10,781
- Are you out there?
- Step forward, young man.
582
00:39:10,982 --> 00:39:14,452
The Lord's calling to you.
Come on up here. Give him a big hand.
583
00:39:14,662 --> 00:39:18,337
Make him welcome.
Come on down here.
584
00:39:24,222 --> 00:39:27,373
Your Aunt Belle recently passed away,
didn't she, son?
585
00:39:27,582 --> 00:39:32,976
- Yes, she did. Yeah.
- Are you still grieving in your heart?
586
00:39:33,183 --> 00:39:34,855
Absolutely.
587
00:39:35,063 --> 00:39:38,738
And even her generous gift to ya
of the ancestral home,
588
00:39:38,943 --> 00:39:40,661
the beautiful Belle Isle,
589
00:39:40,863 --> 00:39:46,142
has not eased the grief, pain
and sufferin' in your heart now, has it?
590
00:39:46,343 --> 00:39:48,299
Not a hell of a lot. No.
591
00:39:48,503 --> 00:39:51,813
Irwin, admit that you are a sinner.
592
00:39:54,183 --> 00:39:58,973
Uh, well I've sinned.
Didn't take any Polaroids or anything.
593
00:39:59,183 --> 00:40:02,095
But... I've sinned. Yeah.
594
00:40:02,303 --> 00:40:04,942
The Lord forgives ya!
595
00:40:05,143 --> 00:40:08,773
Thank you.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
596
00:40:08,984 --> 00:40:11,418
Thank you. Amen.
597
00:40:12,344 --> 00:40:14,175
What? Other sins?
598
00:40:14,384 --> 00:40:19,174
Er... Well, er... I parked in
a handicapped spot on my way over here.
599
00:40:19,384 --> 00:40:21,340
Actually on a handicapped person.
600
00:40:21,544 --> 00:40:25,378
I told him I'd be out in five minutes
so that's not such a big deal.
601
00:40:25,584 --> 00:40:30,533
There's other things. They're personal,
so I wouldn't wanna get into it on TV.
602
00:40:30,744 --> 00:40:33,383
But I have sinned
and I'm sorry about it. Thanks.
603
00:40:33,584 --> 00:40:36,337
- God forgives ya!
- [audience] Amen!
604
00:40:36,544 --> 00:40:39,934
The good Lord is gonna ease
605
00:40:40,144 --> 00:40:43,136
the pain and sufferin' in your heart
606
00:40:43,344 --> 00:40:45,699
with a bright light of grace.
607
00:40:45,904 --> 00:40:50,854
Look out, you demons!
Demons, demons, out!
608
00:40:52,345 --> 00:40:55,257
Oh! That was great.
609
00:40:55,465 --> 00:40:57,740
Praise the Lord.
610
00:40:57,945 --> 00:41:01,858
Another soul saved by
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth. How about that?
611
00:41:02,065 --> 00:41:05,580
[Fletch] I dangled Belle Isle like bait
and he took the hook.
612
00:41:05,785 --> 00:41:09,824
At the heart, he was a deeply
religious man and I liked his teeth.
613
00:41:10,025 --> 00:41:11,902
Once we've had a chance to expand,
614
00:41:12,105 --> 00:41:15,222
Bibleland's gonna be like
some kind of heaven on earth,
615
00:41:15,425 --> 00:41:17,381
if it isn't already.
616
00:41:17,585 --> 00:41:20,622
- There's the hotel.
- Hi, Reverend.
617
00:41:20,825 --> 00:41:23,659
We call it the Heavenly Hilton
and Convention Center.
618
00:41:23,866 --> 00:41:26,619
Beyond that is the
Farnsworth Bible College.
619
00:41:26,826 --> 00:41:30,535
If you look down the road, you see the
Jump for Jesus Trampoline Center.
620
00:41:30,746 --> 00:41:33,340
- What do you think?
- It's unbelievable.
621
00:41:33,546 --> 00:41:36,344
Think I use
too many photographs of myself?
622
00:41:36,546 --> 00:41:39,777
No! No!
It worked for the Ayatollah.
623
00:41:39,986 --> 00:41:42,500
Mr Fletcher,
your Belle Isle's a bit rundown.
624
00:41:42,706 --> 00:41:45,015
It'll eat you alive in maintenance.
625
00:41:45,226 --> 00:41:48,263
You don't know how much
your land would mean to us.
626
00:41:48,466 --> 00:41:52,539
And to God, too, of course. After all,
he does give us our guidance now.
627
00:41:52,746 --> 00:41:54,623
- Amen!
- You bet your ass.
628
00:41:55,146 --> 00:41:57,706
My mother would say
"There's a tick for every dog."
629
00:41:57,866 --> 00:41:59,584
What did your mother mean by that?
630
00:41:59,786 --> 00:42:04,463
Why in God's name you let Farnsworth's
Ministry burrow into your fur?
631
00:42:04,667 --> 00:42:09,582
Why would you think of givin' away your
property when you got a big cash offer?
632
00:42:09,787 --> 00:42:15,464
I guess, after a lifetime of hedonism,
it's time to rededicate my life.
633
00:42:15,667 --> 00:42:19,979
Nah, I just wanted to see what would
happen if I went along with him.
634
00:42:20,187 --> 00:42:23,259
Well, it happened.
The sheriff's office called.
635
00:42:23,467 --> 00:42:25,617
The charges against you were dropped.
636
00:42:25,827 --> 00:42:27,385
- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.
637
00:42:27,587 --> 00:42:31,262
The Ministry has
a good deal of influence around here.
638
00:42:31,467 --> 00:42:33,901
I suppose you've heard that your...
639
00:42:34,107 --> 00:42:39,102
aunt was under considerable emotional
strain in the weeks before she died?
640
00:42:40,348 --> 00:42:43,784
- Yeah, I've heard that.
- So was my mother.
641
00:42:44,788 --> 00:42:47,905
They took advantage of her.
These holy rollers.
642
00:42:48,108 --> 00:42:52,067
When she was at death's door,
they preyed on her faith and her fear.
643
00:42:52,268 --> 00:42:55,021
When she could no longer
make rational decisions,
644
00:42:55,228 --> 00:42:58,425
persuaded her to give away our land
for that amusement park.
645
00:42:58,628 --> 00:43:02,667
My guess is that your speedy conversion
and your promised gift
646
00:43:02,868 --> 00:43:06,907
played no small part in the charges
against you being dropped.
647
00:43:10,428 --> 00:43:12,180
Well, whatever.
648
00:43:12,388 --> 00:43:14,344
At least I'm off the hook.
649
00:43:15,228 --> 00:43:18,938
And who or what do they think
is responsible for Amanda Ray's death?
650
00:43:19,149 --> 00:43:21,219
The autopsy report come in today.
651
00:43:21,429 --> 00:43:24,660
They said she died of a heart attack.
Natural causes.
652
00:43:24,869 --> 00:43:31,741
Either she had some congenital defect,
or you're one hell of a lover.
653
00:43:33,709 --> 00:43:35,461
Probably both.
654
00:43:36,949 --> 00:43:40,942
[Fletch] I needed more background
on Farnsworth so I called Frank.
655
00:43:41,149 --> 00:43:43,788
Maybe I should've checked out
Calculus Entterby.
656
00:43:43,989 --> 00:43:47,106
I liked him, but I wasn't buying
his Amos and Andy routine.
657
00:43:47,309 --> 00:43:49,300
He seemed a lot smarter than that.
658
00:43:49,509 --> 00:43:53,423
- I never took you to be no murderer.
- That's a relief.
659
00:43:54,550 --> 00:43:57,018
So who's the odds-on favourite now?
660
00:43:57,230 --> 00:43:59,300
Nobody.
661
00:43:59,510 --> 00:44:01,546
They say she dropped dead in her sleep.
662
00:44:01,750 --> 00:44:03,706
Yeah!
663
00:44:04,750 --> 00:44:06,502
The odds on that?
664
00:44:06,710 --> 00:44:09,144
Same as catchin' a bass this afternoon.
665
00:44:11,310 --> 00:44:13,266
What's that?
666
00:44:13,470 --> 00:44:16,109
About 258,000 to one.
667
00:44:25,150 --> 00:44:27,141
You sure you don't wanna back out?
668
00:44:28,750 --> 00:44:29,899
I'm in.
669
00:44:30,110 --> 00:44:31,590
[door opens]
670
00:44:31,791 --> 00:44:34,430
This be the morgue?
Have the police come yet?
671
00:44:34,631 --> 00:44:35,825
- What?
- The police!
672
00:44:36,031 --> 00:44:38,909
They was bringing a doctor
to make a death certificate.
673
00:44:39,111 --> 00:44:42,945
You got a stiff, boy,
you're in the right place. Where is it?
674
00:44:43,151 --> 00:44:44,709
In my Cadillac.
675
00:44:44,911 --> 00:44:47,948
Put him on the gurney.
Take him in the back with the rest.
676
00:44:48,151 --> 00:44:50,381
Don't bother me.
I'm watchin' Terminator.
677
00:44:50,591 --> 00:44:53,105
- Put a steerin' wheel on that!
- Excuse me, sir.
678
00:44:53,311 --> 00:44:55,267
I'll be right back now.
679
00:44:58,031 --> 00:45:01,865
- What's that stickin' out?
- His lucky golf cap.
680
00:45:02,071 --> 00:45:03,868
Hey!
681
00:45:06,431 --> 00:45:08,388
You gotta tag his toe.
682
00:45:09,472 --> 00:45:11,986
- He got a name?
- Eldridge Cleaver.
683
00:45:12,192 --> 00:45:15,070
Take him in the back, strip him.
Hold it.
684
00:45:16,232 --> 00:45:20,783
Let's see what Mr Cleaver has,
or should I say, had.
685
00:45:25,952 --> 00:45:28,147
Wait a minute.
Shouldn't I get that?
686
00:45:28,352 --> 00:45:30,149
Tell you what.
I'll make you a deal.
687
00:45:30,352 --> 00:45:34,868
You call me whenever you want,
I'll tell you what time it is.
688
00:45:35,072 --> 00:45:37,028
Now get movin'.
689
00:45:43,512 --> 00:45:45,947
- Eldridge Cleaver.
- Shh.
690
00:45:47,273 --> 00:45:48,991
Good evening, Mr Hoffa.
691
00:45:49,193 --> 00:45:52,503
Amanda Ross. Amanda Ross. Five.
692
00:46:06,993 --> 00:46:09,348
[humming]
693
00:46:30,114 --> 00:46:33,106
- Can I take a look?
- Yeah, go on.
694
00:46:51,954 --> 00:46:53,467
- Boo!
- [gasps]
695
00:46:53,674 --> 00:46:55,949
Any mail for me?
696
00:46:56,154 --> 00:46:58,031
You don't have a Tic Tac, do you?
697
00:46:58,234 --> 00:46:59,953
What happened? I black out?
698
00:47:00,155 --> 00:47:02,749
Did I land the plane safely?
Passengers hurt?
699
00:47:02,955 --> 00:47:04,593
- No.
- Everything's OK?
700
00:47:04,795 --> 00:47:06,831
Check that air-conditioning.
701
00:47:10,275 --> 00:47:12,789
- [Calculus] What'd you find out?
- Cremated.
702
00:47:12,995 --> 00:47:16,704
I wouldn't be surprised if all the
paperwork was burnt up with the body.
703
00:47:16,915 --> 00:47:21,750
[Fletch] The morgue proved to be a dead
end. But I guess it is for most people.
704
00:47:21,955 --> 00:47:25,425
I had three questions.
Why was I cleared in Amanda's death?
705
00:47:25,635 --> 00:47:28,866
Why, if she wasn't murdered,
was the body quickly destroyed?
706
00:47:29,075 --> 00:47:33,227
And when it comes to stewed prunes,
are three enough or are four too many?
707
00:47:33,435 --> 00:47:36,871
When I got back to Belle Isle,
there was a cosy fire in the fireplace
708
00:47:37,076 --> 00:47:39,192
and on the roof,
the walls and the porch.
709
00:47:39,396 --> 00:47:41,591
It was great.
710
00:47:41,796 --> 00:47:43,514
Think maybe I should pack.
711
00:47:43,716 --> 00:47:46,025
- Guess you'll be movin' in with me.
- Thanks.
712
00:47:46,236 --> 00:47:49,308
Look at the bright side.
You won't have to dust anymore.
713
00:47:55,396 --> 00:47:57,307
[blues music plays]
714
00:48:00,116 --> 00:48:02,072
Here's your diet plate.
715
00:48:02,276 --> 00:48:05,029
- Thank you.
- Does everything come with a head?
716
00:48:05,236 --> 00:48:07,192
You bet, honey.
717
00:48:07,396 --> 00:48:09,387
Glad I didn't order a hamburger.
718
00:48:09,596 --> 00:48:12,554
I'd say grace,
but I don't wanna wake him up.
719
00:48:13,476 --> 00:48:14,876
Are you religious?
720
00:48:15,077 --> 00:48:18,194
I believe in a God
that doesn't need heavy financing.
721
00:48:18,397 --> 00:48:20,752
- How you doin', Mr Barbour?
- How's it goin'?
722
00:48:20,957 --> 00:48:23,551
Fine, fine.
This here's Mr Fletcher.
723
00:48:23,757 --> 00:48:26,510
He's the new owner of Belle Isle,
or what's left of it.
724
00:48:26,717 --> 00:48:29,277
Yeah, I heard about your fire.
Sorry about that.
725
00:48:29,477 --> 00:48:33,516
You know, you've had your share of
problems ever since you've been here.
726
00:48:33,717 --> 00:48:37,027
How about we show you
some real Southern hospitality?
727
00:48:37,237 --> 00:48:39,876
You ever been on a coon hunt?
728
00:48:41,157 --> 00:48:45,787
A coon hunt is like an English fox hunt,
except we cut through all the bullshit,
729
00:48:45,997 --> 00:48:49,387
all the fancy clothes and music,
all the beautiful women.
730
00:48:49,597 --> 00:48:52,317
We reduce the experience
to its essence.
731
00:48:52,518 --> 00:48:55,191
A bunch of sweaty drunks
chasin' a scared animal.
732
00:48:55,398 --> 00:48:57,514
You're damn right!
733
00:48:57,718 --> 00:49:00,710
- What am I supposed to do?
- The dogs do most of the work.
734
00:49:00,918 --> 00:49:04,194
We just follow the dogs,
they tree the coon, we get him down.
735
00:49:04,398 --> 00:49:06,036
[men laugh]
736
00:49:06,238 --> 00:49:08,194
This drug testing has gone too far.
737
00:49:08,398 --> 00:49:10,958
- Take a jolt.
- Kick-a-poo joy juice?
738
00:49:11,158 --> 00:49:13,752
Oh, stronger than that!
739
00:49:14,718 --> 00:49:17,516
[coughs] Whoo!
[high-pitched] Aren't you coming?
740
00:49:17,718 --> 00:49:20,915
It ain't safe for a black man
to be chasin' around these woods
741
00:49:21,118 --> 00:49:23,348
unless he be handcuffed to a white man.
742
00:49:23,558 --> 00:49:26,834
- I'll see you back at my domicile.
- You want some of this?
743
00:49:27,038 --> 00:49:29,837
[chattering]
744
00:49:37,159 --> 00:49:39,798
[Fletch] You haven't lived
till you've hunted coon,
745
00:49:39,999 --> 00:49:42,115
and after that, you don't want to.
746
00:49:42,319 --> 00:49:44,958
It was a chance
to snoop around the neighbourhood.
747
00:49:45,159 --> 00:49:48,515
The Ministry seemed
so hot for all this land. Why?
748
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:52,473
Maybe they just wanted
a remote spot to bury Jim and Tammy.
749
00:49:52,679 --> 00:49:56,467
- [Fletch] Where the hell are we?
- Actually, this is my place, or was.
750
00:49:56,679 --> 00:49:58,749
Ain't been on it
since I sold the sucker.
751
00:49:58,959 --> 00:50:02,998
This is your property here and that's
Ham's mama's old place over there.
752
00:50:03,199 --> 00:50:05,076
Should we catch up with the boys?
753
00:50:05,279 --> 00:50:08,556
Yes. There's some of 'em
I shouldn't leave alone with the dogs.
754
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:10,716
[shouting]
755
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:14,516
[Barbour] Oh, wait up.
756
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:19,071
Jesus!
What happened to my flower garden?
757
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,191
Everything's dead!
758
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:24,995
Yo, Barbour! Rags has got
a water moccasin in his mouth.
759
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:28,351
Hey, we in luck.
You everjerked the head off a snake?
760
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:32,269
- Oh, no. I gave it up for Lent.
- I'm not gonna miss the fun.
761
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,436
Hey, guys, wait up!
762
00:51:12,521 --> 00:51:14,193
[rifle cocks]
763
00:51:47,962 --> 00:51:50,954
[Fletch] I never liked guns,
especially pointed at me.
764
00:51:51,162 --> 00:51:55,280
This night a couple of people
were taking pot shots in my direction.
765
00:51:55,482 --> 00:51:57,438
It was time to get outta there.
766
00:51:57,642 --> 00:51:59,918
11.27 to be exact.
767
00:52:06,523 --> 00:52:08,753
[hums theme to The Twilight Zone]
768
00:52:11,763 --> 00:52:15,551
[Fletch] I was heartbroken to miss the
raccoon, but all I wanted was to sleep
769
00:52:15,763 --> 00:52:18,038
so I headed for Cal's water bed.
770
00:52:18,243 --> 00:52:21,235
Welcome back.
Jimmy Lee was on a roll tonight.
771
00:52:21,443 --> 00:52:25,595
Ten salvations.
Big bucks. You catch a coon?
772
00:52:25,803 --> 00:52:28,601
I was shot at.
Somebody's sure trying to scare me off.
773
00:52:28,803 --> 00:52:31,363
And they'd kill me
to underline the threat.
774
00:52:31,563 --> 00:52:35,875
- You were shot at?
- Yep. Now, who would do that?
775
00:52:36,084 --> 00:52:38,917
Damn shame.
I'll go outside and see what's goin' on.
776
00:52:43,804 --> 00:52:45,795
[rifle shot]
777
00:52:46,004 --> 00:52:47,722
[dogs bark]
778
00:52:47,924 --> 00:52:50,233
- What was it?
- I thought I saw somethin'.
779
00:52:50,444 --> 00:52:53,277
I just fired in the air
to scare whatever it was.
780
00:53:02,244 --> 00:53:03,962
[sniffs]
781
00:53:04,164 --> 00:53:07,839
[Fletch] I didn't sleep well, and
it wasn't the fault of the water bed.
782
00:53:08,044 --> 00:53:10,956
Something was rotten
in this whole situation.
783
00:53:11,164 --> 00:53:13,440
Figuring that the thug
who dropped my watch
784
00:53:13,645 --> 00:53:17,081
was the guy who stole it at the morgue
didn't take Sherlock Holmes.
785
00:53:17,285 --> 00:53:20,163
Larry Holmes
could've figured that out.
786
00:53:32,005 --> 00:53:36,442
I wasn't sure who'd be taking the next
shot at me, so I decided to work alone.
787
00:53:37,925 --> 00:53:39,916
I've got just what you asked for.
788
00:53:40,125 --> 00:53:43,913
Stop salivating. I'm sending you
my Laker high-tops for lab analysis.
789
00:53:44,125 --> 00:53:47,481
He's behaving very strangely.
He must be in trouble.
790
00:53:47,685 --> 00:53:50,199
Somebody must be holding
a gun to his head.
791
00:53:50,405 --> 00:53:54,445
Fletch, if you need rescuing,
just say,
792
00:53:54,646 --> 00:53:57,877
"I believe Louisiana
is the Pelican State."
793
00:53:58,086 --> 00:54:02,238
OK, Frank. I believe Louisiana is the
Pelican State, as a matter of fact.
794
00:54:02,446 --> 00:54:05,916
- What do you have on Farnsworth?
- I've got everything you need.
795
00:54:06,126 --> 00:54:09,084
Farnsworth.
Former used-car salesman in Biloxi.
796
00:54:09,286 --> 00:54:13,598
In '77, he pleaded "no contest"
to a charge of cheque-kiting.
797
00:54:13,806 --> 00:54:18,596
'81, businessmen helped him found
the Farnsworth Television Ministry.
798
00:54:18,806 --> 00:54:21,764
He may be a target
of Federal investigation.
799
00:54:21,966 --> 00:54:24,639
- Anything else?
- Er, two marriages.
800
00:54:24,846 --> 00:54:28,362
One daughter goes by wife's maiden name.
Becky Culpepper.
801
00:54:30,327 --> 00:54:34,161
[Fletch] It was hard to believe that
Becky was Farnsworth's daughter.
802
00:54:34,367 --> 00:54:36,358
But I wasn't gonna hold it against her.
803
00:54:36,567 --> 00:54:39,798
If I held anything against her,
it wouldn't be her father.
804
00:54:40,007 --> 00:54:42,840
[brakes squeal]
805
00:54:53,087 --> 00:54:55,043
[meter motor whirs]
806
00:54:58,087 --> 00:55:00,442
I heard about the fire.
I hope you're OK.
807
00:55:00,647 --> 00:55:02,160
I'm fine.
808
00:55:02,367 --> 00:55:06,520
I was lying in the embers of my house,
calming my nerves after being shot at.
809
00:55:06,728 --> 00:55:07,683
What?
810
00:55:07,888 --> 00:55:12,200
I was thinking "What a good day to
sell up and move back to Los Angeles."
811
00:55:12,408 --> 00:55:14,205
Is the buyer still interested?
812
00:55:15,288 --> 00:55:17,085
No, I'm afraid he withdrew.
813
00:55:17,288 --> 00:55:19,597
I have five minutes on the metre.
Let's talk.
814
00:55:20,368 --> 00:55:24,122
Now, why don't you tell me
who your client is?
815
00:55:25,168 --> 00:55:27,443
Is it the Farnsworth Ministry?
816
00:55:27,648 --> 00:55:30,640
Why would you say that?
And who is shooting at you?
817
00:55:30,848 --> 00:55:32,645
Maybe the Reverend Farnsworth.
818
00:55:33,808 --> 00:55:36,242
Look, Jimmy Lee Farnsworth
may be a lot of things,
819
00:55:36,448 --> 00:55:38,245
but he's not a murderer.
820
00:55:38,448 --> 00:55:40,200
You're right, he is many things.
821
00:55:40,408 --> 00:55:45,483
A former used-car salesman, a confessed
embezzler, your father, square dancer.
822
00:55:48,089 --> 00:55:50,728
That's right, he is my father.
823
00:55:50,929 --> 00:55:52,885
But I'm also telling you the truth.
824
00:55:54,049 --> 00:55:57,678
Becky, somebody wants my land
bad enough to kill me for it.
825
00:55:57,889 --> 00:56:01,848
If you don't tell me who your client is,
I'm gonna find out some other way.
826
00:56:02,609 --> 00:56:05,328
[Announcer] It's guest healer's night
with Jimmy Lee on this,
827
00:56:05,529 --> 00:56:09,841
the 4,323rd edition of our show
with tonight's special guests,
828
00:56:10,049 --> 00:56:12,199
people with the healing gift.
829
00:56:12,409 --> 00:56:16,641
- Excuse me. May I have your name?
- I'm Claude Henry... [mumbles]
830
00:56:16,849 --> 00:56:20,000
- Claude Henry...
- Claude Henry.
831
00:56:20,210 --> 00:56:22,724
- Claude...
- Claude or Clod is good. Henry.
832
00:56:22,930 --> 00:56:23,885
Smmoot.
833
00:56:24,090 --> 00:56:28,322
S-M-M-O-T-T.
I'm sorry. Two "Os", one "T".
834
00:56:28,530 --> 00:56:30,885
- I'm a guest healer.
- Smmoot, guest healer.
835
00:56:31,090 --> 00:56:32,762
- Yes. Healed.
- God bless you.
836
00:56:32,970 --> 00:56:34,722
With Mimsy Carlyle.
837
00:56:34,930 --> 00:56:38,525
- Wait here.
- The heavenly feet...
838
00:56:38,730 --> 00:56:40,925
of Damon Feather.
839
00:56:41,130 --> 00:56:44,566
God's simian favourite, Mr Coco.
840
00:56:44,770 --> 00:56:49,764
The guest healers who volunteered for
tonight's show will follow Jimmy Lee.
841
00:56:54,530 --> 00:56:57,169
And now the founder
of our show,
842
00:56:57,370 --> 00:57:00,602
your friend,
Mr Good News himself,
843
00:57:00,811 --> 00:57:03,530
Jimmy Lee Farnsworthl
844
00:57:20,731 --> 00:57:22,642
[Farnsworth] You know,
845
00:57:22,851 --> 00:57:27,971
I have a feeling that there's someone
out there who needs to step forward.
846
00:57:28,171 --> 00:57:31,004
Gordon Joe James.
847
00:57:31,211 --> 00:57:35,171
Gordon Joe James.
Who are you?
848
00:57:35,372 --> 00:57:38,762
Gordon Joe lost a limb
to a pit bull.
849
00:57:38,972 --> 00:57:41,611
Gordon Joe,
will you please raise your right hand?
850
00:57:41,812 --> 00:57:44,690
- Left hand.
- [Farnsworth] Excuse me, left hand.
851
00:57:44,892 --> 00:57:46,848
[Farnsworth] There you arel
852
00:57:53,932 --> 00:57:57,242
[Fletch]
Bibleland Two. Jimmy Lee's dream.
853
00:57:57,452 --> 00:58:00,489
He was like some deranged Walt Disney.
854
00:58:00,692 --> 00:58:03,160
It was all in front of me.
Ham Johnson's place.
855
00:58:03,372 --> 00:58:05,249
His mother's bequest.
856
00:58:05,452 --> 00:58:07,090
Belle Isle.
857
00:58:07,292 --> 00:58:11,331
The numbers on the boxes were certainly
not zip codes. Maybe computer codes.
858
00:58:11,532 --> 00:58:16,209
All I needed now was a computer, and a
ten-year-old kid to teach me to use it.
859
00:58:16,413 --> 00:58:19,530
# Cash or cheque
860
00:58:19,733 --> 00:58:21,564
# Or MasterCard
861
00:58:21,773 --> 00:58:25,129
[Chorus] # MasterCard #
862
00:58:25,333 --> 00:58:27,130
Bobby Ralph?
863
00:58:27,333 --> 00:58:30,006
Peter Lemonjello.
Your house is on fire.
864
00:58:30,213 --> 00:58:33,205
- What?
- They told me to tell you.
865
00:58:33,413 --> 00:58:35,324
- I'll take over.
- God bless you!
866
00:58:35,533 --> 00:58:37,603
God bless you for believing this shit.
867
00:58:47,773 --> 00:58:51,369
[Fletch] There was a new element I
didn't anticipate, a second suspect.
868
00:58:51,574 --> 00:58:55,328
Becky's client was not the ministry,
but Everest Development.
869
00:58:55,534 --> 00:58:57,365
She never knew who they were.
870
00:58:57,574 --> 00:59:00,964
Becky was a good girl, and wouldn't
have to be spanked. Damn it.
871
00:59:02,014 --> 00:59:04,812
Who's gonna be the next one
to get the call?
872
00:59:05,014 --> 00:59:07,323
Who's gonna be the next one saved?
873
00:59:10,494 --> 00:59:12,883
- Who's going to be...
- T'Boo Ted Marshall.
874
00:59:13,094 --> 00:59:17,804
T'Boo Ted Marshall,
are you with us tonight?
875
00:59:18,014 --> 00:59:21,484
Yes, indeed, Reverendl
But how can God help my problem?
876
00:59:21,694 --> 00:59:24,925
T'Boo Ted is a... compulsive gambler.
877
00:59:26,054 --> 00:59:31,129
T'Boo Ted, the first you gotta do
is expose that probleml
878
00:59:32,375 --> 00:59:34,093
Excuse me?
879
00:59:34,295 --> 00:59:37,685
If you can't expose that problem,
at least to your family,
880
00:59:37,895 --> 00:59:42,491
it grows and grows,
and becomes an even bigger probleml
881
00:59:42,695 --> 00:59:44,094
That's truel
882
00:59:44,295 --> 00:59:47,093
He's been a compulsive gambler
for 20 years.
883
00:59:47,295 --> 00:59:50,765
Because you've had this affliction
for more than 20 years...
884
00:59:51,735 --> 00:59:55,045
I think you should
expose that problem to us
885
00:59:55,255 --> 00:59:57,052
right here... tonight.
886
00:59:57,255 --> 01:00:01,407
I want you to do it.
The good Lord wants you to do itl
887
01:00:01,615 --> 01:00:04,926
- You really think so?
- I know sol
888
01:00:06,216 --> 01:00:07,968
Do it. Do it nowl
889
01:00:08,176 --> 01:00:10,053
[audience chatter]
890
01:00:12,936 --> 01:00:15,734
Well, if you say so.
891
01:00:18,736 --> 01:00:20,886
[Farnsworth] Put your pants back onl
892
01:00:21,096 --> 01:00:24,532
[announcer] Coming right back
to introduce our guest healers.
893
01:00:24,736 --> 01:00:29,571
Let's welcome all of them
beginning with Claude Henry Smmoot.
894
01:00:29,776 --> 01:00:31,687
Come on out, Claude!
895
01:00:32,216 --> 01:00:34,172
- Here we are.
- I have a headache.
896
01:00:34,376 --> 01:00:35,695
No, this way.
897
01:00:38,856 --> 01:00:42,167
You're gonna do just fine.
Now, get out there. Go on.
898
01:00:45,337 --> 01:00:47,567
I said, get out there now!
899
01:00:48,817 --> 01:00:51,092
Here he is!
Make him welcome, folks!
900
01:00:52,377 --> 01:00:55,687
Welcome, Claude Henry.
When was the very first time,
901
01:00:55,897 --> 01:01:00,448
the very first moment
that made the difference in your life?
902
01:01:01,577 --> 01:01:04,375
Well, Jimmy Lee, I was... I was, er...
903
01:01:04,577 --> 01:01:08,570
on my gazebo,
on the roof making some repairs,
904
01:01:08,777 --> 01:01:11,974
and I was struck by lightning.
905
01:01:12,177 --> 01:01:15,726
I have had acute migraine headaches
and blurred vision since then.
906
01:01:15,937 --> 01:01:18,531
But praise the Lord,
that was my lucky day because
907
01:01:18,737 --> 01:01:21,411
ever since then I have had
the healing power.
908
01:01:21,618 --> 01:01:24,610
Amen. God bless you.
Thank you very much. Good night.
909
01:01:24,818 --> 01:01:27,616
- Claude Henry.
- Good night. What happened?
910
01:01:27,818 --> 01:01:29,934
Before you heal another,
911
01:01:30,138 --> 01:01:33,289
would you like for me to attempt
to heal your own affliction?
912
01:01:33,498 --> 01:01:37,047
No, no! No, no.
No, those of us with perfect faith
913
01:01:37,258 --> 01:01:39,374
have no need of perfect vision.
914
01:01:39,578 --> 01:01:41,489
We have no need of wisdom.
915
01:01:41,698 --> 01:01:45,532
We have no need of anything except
the creature comforts and lots of them.
916
01:01:45,738 --> 01:01:49,651
Hallelujah! Amen! God bless you. Amen.
Thank you. Hallelujah.
917
01:01:49,858 --> 01:01:54,136
Ladies and gentlemen,
he sees more than he doth know.
918
01:01:54,338 --> 01:01:56,294
- Yes, I do.
- [audience] Amen!
919
01:01:56,498 --> 01:01:58,774
Claude Henry has the gift!
920
01:01:59,859 --> 01:02:04,091
Would you use that gift, Claude Henry?
Would you use it now?
921
01:02:07,939 --> 01:02:09,816
I guess I could.
922
01:02:10,019 --> 01:02:11,975
Praise be.
923
01:02:12,779 --> 01:02:16,328
Reverend,
I sense that in our audience
924
01:02:16,539 --> 01:02:20,168
there is a gentleman
by the name of Jim Bob.
925
01:02:20,379 --> 01:02:23,371
Jim Bob, would you stand up?
Would you rise, please?
926
01:02:25,179 --> 01:02:27,932
Sixteen, seventeen...
927
01:02:28,139 --> 01:02:32,291
I sense that Jim Bob is a young man.
928
01:02:32,499 --> 01:02:37,449
That he is between the ages of 25, 27.
929
01:02:39,780 --> 01:02:42,169
That's more like it.
930
01:02:42,380 --> 01:02:45,611
The Lord is telling me
that Jim Bob suffers from the same...
931
01:02:46,540 --> 01:02:50,328
Satanised affliction that I suffer from.
Migraine headaches.
932
01:02:50,540 --> 01:02:53,293
Don't you, Jim Bob?
Is that you?
933
01:02:53,500 --> 01:02:55,536
Come on down, Jim Bob!
934
01:02:55,740 --> 01:02:58,777
Praise be! Hallelujah! Amen!
935
01:02:58,980 --> 01:03:01,175
Praise the Lord! Be saved!
936
01:03:01,380 --> 01:03:03,575
Jim Bob, welcome.
God bless you.
937
01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:07,216
Jim Bob, how long have
you had these headaches?
938
01:03:07,420 --> 01:03:11,539
- About five, 10 minutes.
- God... help him!
939
01:03:13,141 --> 01:03:16,019
- And how do you feel now?
- It's a throbbing...
940
01:03:16,221 --> 01:03:19,133
God bless you.
A headache comes up through your heels,
941
01:03:19,341 --> 01:03:22,413
up through the hip bone,
up the spine, up through your back,
942
01:03:22,621 --> 01:03:25,499
through your head
like Satan was belching through you?
943
01:03:25,701 --> 01:03:27,134
- Is that it?
- Exactly.
944
01:03:27,341 --> 01:03:28,979
- Do you believe?
- I believe.
945
01:03:29,181 --> 01:03:34,255
He believes! Hallelujah! Amen!
God bless. Amen.
946
01:03:34,461 --> 01:03:37,453
Hallelujah. [pants]
947
01:03:39,581 --> 01:03:44,097
Rid this man of these headache demons,
of these migraine demons.
948
01:03:44,301 --> 01:03:46,610
Heal this man!
949
01:03:47,981 --> 01:03:50,655
- Amen!
- Amen!
950
01:03:50,862 --> 01:03:53,979
Hallelujah!
Oh, good golly, Miss Molly!
951
01:03:54,182 --> 01:03:56,537
- How do you feel?
- My headache is gone, but...
952
01:03:56,742 --> 01:03:58,972
God bless him! Anything else I can do?
953
01:03:59,182 --> 01:04:03,016
- No! No.
- Good! God bless you. Praise be.
954
01:04:03,222 --> 01:04:07,659
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.
Ouch!
955
01:04:09,342 --> 01:04:11,298
I am worn to the bone.
956
01:04:11,502 --> 01:04:13,891
Thank you for gracing us
with your presence.
957
01:04:14,102 --> 01:04:16,252
Good night. Praise be!
958
01:04:19,582 --> 01:04:21,857
[Fletch]
Maybe I was wrong about Farnsworth.
959
01:04:22,062 --> 01:04:25,452
There was a new player in the game.
Becky's unknown client.
960
01:04:25,662 --> 01:04:28,541
The only way to find out more
was to get into her pants...
961
01:04:28,743 --> 01:04:33,339
I mean, her car. At least it had brakes.
Her car, that is.
962
01:04:33,543 --> 01:04:36,262
Fletch, what are you doing?
963
01:04:36,463 --> 01:04:38,658
The guy who works in there
stole my watch.
964
01:04:38,863 --> 01:04:42,697
He dropped it while trying to kill me.
I'd just as soon he not recognize me.
965
01:04:42,903 --> 01:04:46,816
I'd like to keep an eye on him.
Maybe he'll lead us to his boss.
966
01:04:47,863 --> 01:04:51,014
- How long are we gonna be here?
- Bored?
967
01:04:51,223 --> 01:04:53,612
Oh, no! This is exciting!
968
01:05:03,864 --> 01:05:05,582
- Fletch?
- What?
969
01:05:05,784 --> 01:05:08,139
I have to pee.
970
01:05:08,344 --> 01:05:11,017
This used to happen
when I'd play hide-and-seek.
971
01:05:11,224 --> 01:05:14,216
I always got caught.
Think the morgue has a ladies' room?
972
01:05:14,424 --> 01:05:16,619
- [engine revs]
- [Becky] Hey.
973
01:05:26,344 --> 01:05:30,223
Not so close. Try to get
a little distance between you.
974
01:06:04,625 --> 01:06:08,698
I'm gonna have to play it pretty tough
in there. Still have to pee?
975
01:06:09,905 --> 01:06:12,465
I gather the rain isn't helping a lot.
976
01:06:12,665 --> 01:06:15,418
- There's always the bushes.
- I'll be OK.
977
01:06:18,546 --> 01:06:20,935
If I'm not back in five minutes,
call your dad.
978
01:06:34,666 --> 01:06:36,622
[rock music plays]
979
01:06:38,226 --> 01:06:40,899
[whistling, whooping]
980
01:06:46,266 --> 01:06:50,544
[squeaky] Could I have a soda, please?
Diet Pepsi or a Tab would be good.
981
01:06:57,587 --> 01:07:02,183
- Hey, pussy.
- Name's Ed. Ed Harley.
982
01:07:03,507 --> 01:07:05,816
Are you sure you're in the right place?
983
01:07:06,027 --> 01:07:08,222
I think so.
984
01:07:08,427 --> 01:07:10,258
[squeaks] "Think so"!
985
01:07:13,067 --> 01:07:15,535
Ed, what are you doin' here?
986
01:07:15,747 --> 01:07:18,102
I'll give you a hint.
987
01:07:18,307 --> 01:07:21,583
Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Hmm?
988
01:07:23,867 --> 01:07:26,427
You don't get it?
989
01:07:26,627 --> 01:07:29,380
You're the one that doesn't get it.
990
01:07:29,587 --> 01:07:33,217
Ed Harley.
Harley-Davidson Motorcycles.
991
01:07:36,188 --> 01:07:39,464
- You own the company?
- Well, my granddaddy started it.
992
01:07:39,668 --> 01:07:44,617
Then my daddy screwed Davidson out
of his half. Now I own the whole thing.
993
01:07:44,828 --> 01:07:47,547
- Harley-Davidson? No shit?
- No shit.
994
01:07:47,748 --> 01:07:50,626
Hey, y'all,
Ed, the Third here owns Harley-Davidson!
995
01:07:50,828 --> 01:07:52,659
We're the Nazis from Natchez!
996
01:07:52,868 --> 01:07:54,824
Hey, have a real drink!
997
01:07:57,668 --> 01:07:59,624
[rock music]
998
01:08:17,349 --> 01:08:19,146
Who you callin', babe?
999
01:08:21,949 --> 01:08:24,144
[hooting, whistling]
1000
01:08:24,349 --> 01:08:27,500
- Knock it off!
- Yo, boss, look who's here!
1001
01:08:27,709 --> 01:08:31,065
Harley-Davidson. Yo, Ed, come over here
and meet the boss.
1002
01:08:31,269 --> 01:08:35,581
Hi. Ed Harley, the Third.
Harley-Davidson Motorcycles.
1003
01:08:35,789 --> 01:08:40,783
If you need any T-shirts or decals,
I can make arrangements for you.
1004
01:08:40,989 --> 01:08:42,627
I just can't wait.
1005
01:08:42,869 --> 01:08:45,941
- What model do you ride?
- '78 XL.
1006
01:08:46,149 --> 01:08:50,780
'78 XL? That's a legend!
It's not blue, is it?
1007
01:08:50,990 --> 01:08:54,027
- You in luck, white boy. Come on.
- Oh!
1008
01:08:56,990 --> 01:09:00,744
There she is. Ain't she beautiful?
Original blue!
1009
01:09:00,950 --> 01:09:05,705
Oh, she is a beaut. Gee, golly,
I'd love to ride this '78 XL.
1010
01:09:05,910 --> 01:09:07,787
Nobody...
1011
01:09:07,990 --> 01:09:09,867
touches my hog.
1012
01:09:10,070 --> 01:09:11,219
Sorry.
1013
01:09:11,430 --> 01:09:13,819
You can ride that low-rider.
1014
01:09:14,030 --> 01:09:16,749
Hell, we'll all ride. Fire 'em up!
1015
01:09:16,950 --> 01:09:18,861
- Do you mind if er...
- Darlene.
1016
01:09:19,070 --> 01:09:22,267
...if Darlene rides with me?
- Feeling a little horny, Ed?
1017
01:09:22,470 --> 01:09:27,306
Yeah. You know,
my life isn't all hubs and gears.
1018
01:09:31,591 --> 01:09:33,866
Take it easy.
1019
01:09:42,591 --> 01:09:44,661
# All right now
1020
01:09:47,311 --> 01:09:50,860
# Hey, hey
We're gonna go out tonight
1021
01:09:51,071 --> 01:09:53,790
Little murky in the oxydol.
1022
01:09:53,991 --> 01:09:56,186
We can flush that out,
streamline it.
1023
01:09:56,391 --> 01:10:00,145
Hey, your moustache
looks funny.
1024
01:10:00,351 --> 01:10:03,310
Oh, boy.
1025
01:10:03,512 --> 01:10:05,468
Hey, look at that!
Came off.
1026
01:10:07,472 --> 01:10:09,747
# One for the money
Two for the show
1027
01:10:09,952 --> 01:10:12,910
# Gotta go, let's go
Hey, hey
1028
01:10:13,632 --> 01:10:15,702
# Gonna go out tonight
1029
01:10:17,072 --> 01:10:18,391
# Gonna have some fun
1030
01:10:18,592 --> 01:10:20,662
# Everything will be all right #
1031
01:10:32,192 --> 01:10:34,262
What we gonna do?
1032
01:10:34,472 --> 01:10:37,225
Something that will seem
extremely stupid at first.
1033
01:10:58,953 --> 01:11:02,423
[screams] Oh, my God!
1034
01:11:02,633 --> 01:11:05,193
[screams]
1035
01:11:06,793 --> 01:11:11,309
Yee-ha!
1036
01:11:17,234 --> 01:11:18,952
Home!
1037
01:11:19,154 --> 01:11:21,873
Oh, my God! I'm a mess.
1038
01:11:22,074 --> 01:11:24,986
- You want some coffee?
- Sure.
1039
01:11:25,194 --> 01:11:27,264
I look like a raccoon.
1040
01:11:27,474 --> 01:11:31,752
I gotta get to work, but I don't know
why. All I do is sit with nothing to do.
1041
01:11:31,954 --> 01:11:35,549
The only work I've had lately
has been with Everest Realty.
1042
01:11:35,754 --> 01:11:38,427
- Look what that's gotten me.
- Can I use your phone?
1043
01:11:38,634 --> 01:11:40,545
Sure, go ahead.
1044
01:11:40,754 --> 01:11:43,905
That's toxic waste on the soles.
What have you been doing?
1045
01:11:44,114 --> 01:11:46,184
Jogging in the love canal.
Toxic waste?
1046
01:11:46,394 --> 01:11:50,387
It's special. There's only 11 places
that make this shit.
1047
01:11:50,594 --> 01:11:52,550
Where?
1048
01:11:55,555 --> 01:11:58,228
Just give me the ones
that aren't in New Jersey.
1049
01:11:58,435 --> 01:12:01,074
Ah, there's only one.
Yazoo, Mississippi.
1050
01:12:01,275 --> 01:12:02,390
Bingo.
1051
01:12:09,595 --> 01:12:12,029
I wanna thank you
for everything you've done.
1052
01:12:12,235 --> 01:12:14,624
I'm sorry I caused such a mess.
1053
01:12:16,235 --> 01:12:19,193
- Can I ask you a personal question?
- Mm-hmm.
1054
01:12:19,395 --> 01:12:21,351
Did you finally get to pee?
1055
01:12:22,995 --> 01:12:24,951
Yes.
1056
01:12:25,955 --> 01:12:27,991
Good.
1057
01:12:35,556 --> 01:12:37,706
You better get cleaned up.
1058
01:12:39,236 --> 01:12:42,034
Yeah. Particularly my mind.
1059
01:12:51,076 --> 01:12:53,749
- Where's the shampoo?
- I'll get you some.
1060
01:12:59,316 --> 01:13:01,272
You'll need a clean towel too.
1061
01:13:01,476 --> 01:13:04,036
- No, yours will be fine.
- [screams] Fletch!
1062
01:13:06,396 --> 01:13:09,787
[Fletch] You're right. This is too wet.
1063
01:13:09,997 --> 01:13:13,069
- [Becky laughs]
- [Fletch] You know how to get to Yazoo?
1064
01:13:13,277 --> 01:13:15,745
[Becky]
Well, you're in the right vicinity.
1065
01:13:15,957 --> 01:13:19,506
[Fletch] The church seemed
less and less culpable.
1066
01:13:19,717 --> 01:13:24,154
Why would they want toxic waste
next to their land? Why would anybody?
1067
01:13:24,357 --> 01:13:28,669
Why are there four S's in Mississippi?
Four I's and only two P's...
1068
01:13:28,877 --> 01:13:31,630
and one "M"as far as I know?
1069
01:13:37,597 --> 01:13:40,748
Bly Bio Chem was the biggest
chemical plant in Mississippi.
1070
01:13:40,957 --> 01:13:44,029
My Laker shoes were ruined
by toxic waste produced there.
1071
01:13:44,237 --> 01:13:46,957
They probably knew
who delivered it to my backyard.
1072
01:13:47,158 --> 01:13:50,548
Now the lead-lined containers
painted with innocent bluebirds
1073
01:13:50,758 --> 01:13:52,714
added a crucial piece to the puzzle
1074
01:13:52,918 --> 01:13:57,992
that had begun way back in
Amanda Ross's pants... I mean, bedroom.
1075
01:13:58,198 --> 01:14:00,075
This is a secure area.
1076
01:14:00,278 --> 01:14:04,066
I'm very happy for you. Most people
live in terrible neighbourhoods.
1077
01:14:04,798 --> 01:14:08,347
- Are you the head honcho?
- That's right, sir. Hedly Dan Duke.
1078
01:14:08,558 --> 01:14:10,514
And what seems to be your problem?
1079
01:14:10,718 --> 01:14:15,428
I agreed to take a shit load
of that Bluebird crap off your hands.
1080
01:14:15,638 --> 01:14:18,357
- And it ain't come yet.
- I'm sorry, sir. And you are?
1081
01:14:18,558 --> 01:14:20,037
I are pissed!
1082
01:14:20,238 --> 01:14:23,514
Some damn fool told me it was
on back order, and I'd have to wait.
1083
01:14:23,718 --> 01:14:25,949
- Whose signature is this?
- I can't read...
1084
01:14:26,159 --> 01:14:28,354
That's typical of a large corporation.
1085
01:14:28,559 --> 01:14:31,915
Lack of communication.
That's why I like to keep Everest small.
1086
01:14:32,119 --> 01:14:35,156
- Oh, you're from Everest?
- Now you're talkin'!
1087
01:14:35,359 --> 01:14:39,318
- Elmer Gantry. Elmer Fudd Gantry.
- I don't know if I can do anything.
1088
01:14:39,519 --> 01:14:42,955
You could pull my file instead
of standing there pulling your pud!
1089
01:14:43,159 --> 01:14:45,275
Whatever you say, sir.
1090
01:14:46,119 --> 01:14:48,314
Bring me the Everest file.
1091
01:14:48,519 --> 01:14:50,794
[Woman] Yes, sir.
1092
01:14:52,199 --> 01:14:54,838
- [screaming]
- Mr Gantry?
1093
01:14:57,119 --> 01:15:01,192
I apologize for my bellicosity.
I've had a hernia operation.
1094
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:04,794
- Is that the stuff I'm getting?
- [Duke] Yes, sir.
1095
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:06,752
Why are they wearing those suits?
1096
01:15:06,960 --> 01:15:10,669
They're protective. As you know,
that's a very corrosive by-product.
1097
01:15:10,880 --> 01:15:14,111
I guess if they didn't wear them,
they'd be so full of holes,
1098
01:15:14,320 --> 01:15:16,276
they'd whistle when they walked.
1099
01:15:18,280 --> 01:15:21,750
[Groans] I've been spitting up blood,
pissing blood, bleeding.
1100
01:15:21,960 --> 01:15:24,269
I go through five of these suits a day.
1101
01:15:25,240 --> 01:15:27,834
It appears you have
your facts wrong, Mr Gantry.
1102
01:15:28,040 --> 01:15:30,429
Your company is supposed
to get 1500 gallons.
1103
01:15:30,640 --> 01:15:33,598
Destination someplace
called Belle Isle in Louisiana.
1104
01:15:33,800 --> 01:15:36,997
Signed for by an officer of your company
and due the 23rd.
1105
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:40,637
So... we're right, and you're wrong.
1106
01:15:40,841 --> 01:15:43,560
Let me see that.
1107
01:15:43,761 --> 01:15:47,595
Takes a big man to admit
when he's wrong. I am not a big man.
1108
01:15:54,681 --> 01:15:57,673
We're late again, because
you had to stay late at the jail.
1109
01:15:57,881 --> 01:16:00,270
- I'm sorry.
- Just get out.
1110
01:16:05,841 --> 01:16:08,833
- [woman screams]
- Are you all right?
1111
01:16:09,761 --> 01:16:13,117
- [woman] You're wrecking my present.
- [man] My fault?
1112
01:16:14,881 --> 01:16:17,396
Wash and gas it.
Check the brake fluid, will ya?
1113
01:16:17,602 --> 01:16:19,558
[clinking on glass]
1114
01:16:20,362 --> 01:16:22,512
My friends, ladies and gentlemen.
1115
01:16:22,722 --> 01:16:24,678
With all the fun we've been having,
1116
01:16:24,882 --> 01:16:27,601
let's not forget
our real purpose here tonight.
1117
01:16:27,802 --> 01:16:31,511
To preserve the legacy
that nature has given us.
1118
01:16:31,722 --> 01:16:34,236
We are mere custodians of...
1119
01:16:34,442 --> 01:16:37,240
Bob Lee. Bob E Lee. Bob E Lee.
1120
01:16:37,442 --> 01:16:41,276
Bob E Lee.
Bob Lee Schwartz.
1121
01:16:41,482 --> 01:16:45,270
- Schwartz.
- Schwartz, the Second.
1122
01:17:08,003 --> 01:17:11,359
Fletch! What you doin' here?
1123
01:17:11,563 --> 01:17:13,713
What are you doin' here?
1124
01:17:13,923 --> 01:17:16,562
You know me.
I ain't happy unless I'm working.
1125
01:17:16,763 --> 01:17:21,359
Why, Fletch, I'm surprised to see you
here, sir. Welcome, sir, welcome.
1126
01:17:21,563 --> 01:17:24,316
My pleasure.
Thank you for not inviting me.
1127
01:17:24,523 --> 01:17:26,559
Oh!
1128
01:17:28,723 --> 01:17:30,919
I do believe we have
something to discuss.
1129
01:17:31,124 --> 01:17:35,959
Oh. Well, might I suggest
we repair ourselves to a quieter place.
1130
01:17:36,164 --> 01:17:38,280
Let us remove ourselves,
shall we?
1131
01:17:38,484 --> 01:17:41,954
Son of a gun,
we'll have big fun on the bayou.
1132
01:17:47,404 --> 01:17:49,360
My mama's room.
1133
01:17:50,964 --> 01:17:54,559
I've kept it just the way it was
when she died.
1134
01:17:56,044 --> 01:17:58,399
Her ashes?
1135
01:17:58,604 --> 01:18:01,994
She used to say, "We come from the earth
and we return to the earth,
1136
01:18:02,204 --> 01:18:04,479
and in between, we garden."
1137
01:18:04,684 --> 01:18:07,562
[chuckles] A little gardening...
1138
01:18:08,685 --> 01:18:10,641
a little polluting.
1139
01:18:15,005 --> 01:18:17,075
They spelled my name wrong.
1140
01:18:19,125 --> 01:18:21,593
My gun's made of rubber.
How 'bout yours?
1141
01:18:22,485 --> 01:18:27,957
No. I see your point. Wouldn't do
for your conservationist guests
1142
01:18:28,165 --> 01:18:31,874
to hear about that load of toxic waste
heading for my land at Belle Isle.
1143
01:18:32,085 --> 01:18:35,157
My land... at Belle Isle, Fletch.
1144
01:18:35,365 --> 01:18:39,244
After you die, who's gonna prove that
you did not sell your land to Everest?
1145
01:18:39,445 --> 01:18:41,879
You may have this town
in your back pocket,
1146
01:18:42,085 --> 01:18:44,804
but a lot of people downstairs
will be interested
1147
01:18:45,005 --> 01:18:48,203
in the hows and whys
of Amanda Ray's death.
1148
01:18:48,406 --> 01:18:50,522
She knew about Bluebird.
1149
01:18:50,726 --> 01:18:53,001
She started a file on you,
and you found out.
1150
01:18:53,206 --> 01:18:58,121
That was my lucky night. I found the
Bluebird file, the night you porked her.
1151
01:18:58,326 --> 01:19:02,478
It was like an alligator shoot on the
freeway, if you'll excuse the metaphor.
1152
01:19:02,686 --> 01:19:06,076
- It's not a metaphor, it's a simile.
- Whatever.
1153
01:19:06,326 --> 01:19:11,764
You poisoned Amanda, figuring I'd sell
and leave if I faced a murder charge.
1154
01:19:11,966 --> 01:19:15,322
- I don't scare easy. I'm too dumb.
- So it would seem.
1155
01:19:15,526 --> 01:19:19,235
Now get out of my mama's chair before
I put the first bullet up your nose.
1156
01:19:19,446 --> 01:19:21,437
Are you kidding?
1157
01:19:21,646 --> 01:19:24,241
Pull that trigger
and 100 people will be up here.
1158
01:19:24,447 --> 01:19:27,245
My dear boy,
why would I do my own dirty work?
1159
01:19:28,687 --> 01:19:34,205
Those 100 do-gooders down there
dressed in rebel crap will be my alibi.
1160
01:19:36,087 --> 01:19:38,123
Now get outta my mama's chair!
1161
01:19:38,327 --> 01:19:41,637
I synchronized my Laker watch
with Miss Culpepper's Timex.
1162
01:19:41,847 --> 01:19:43,803
If I don't join her in 10 minutes,
1163
01:19:44,007 --> 01:19:47,556
the whole ugly story goes out
on the Farnsworth Network.
1164
01:19:47,767 --> 01:19:49,644
Of course, it's cable, but...
1165
01:19:49,847 --> 01:19:52,042
- You're bluffing, Fletch.
- No, I'm not.
1166
01:19:52,247 --> 01:19:55,000
You think you're not,
but you are.
1167
01:19:58,247 --> 01:20:00,204
Swell.
1168
01:20:00,408 --> 01:20:04,924
- Did he hurt you?
- Not yet. That comes later.
1169
01:20:05,928 --> 01:20:06,883
Sorry, Becky.
1170
01:20:07,088 --> 01:20:11,764
The band won't take a break for some
time, so screaming would be futile.
1171
01:20:11,968 --> 01:20:14,687
Mr Fletch's convenient appearance
has allowed us
1172
01:20:14,888 --> 01:20:19,882
to move up our plans for your demise
to coincide with his.
1173
01:20:20,088 --> 01:20:24,525
Now I'm goin' downstairs
to be the gracious host.
1174
01:20:24,728 --> 01:20:26,684
Do what you have to do.
1175
01:20:28,448 --> 01:20:31,326
- The Bride of Frankenstein.
- Put my mama down!
1176
01:20:31,528 --> 01:20:33,246
Oh, I'm sorry.
1177
01:20:33,448 --> 01:20:35,723
Oh, how clumsy of me.
1178
01:20:35,928 --> 01:20:39,399
Oops! I'm sorry.
I stepped right on her moustache.
1179
01:20:39,609 --> 01:20:42,601
Get away! Get away!
1180
01:20:42,809 --> 01:20:45,482
- I was just trying to help.
- It's all right, Mama.
1181
01:20:45,689 --> 01:20:47,725
Be more careful with your breakables.
1182
01:20:47,929 --> 01:20:50,159
I've been careful all my life.
1183
01:20:50,369 --> 01:20:52,325
When she was sick,
I was careful.
1184
01:20:52,529 --> 01:20:56,522
Then that goddamn Jimmy Lee's
Ministry, taking everything she had.
1185
01:20:56,729 --> 01:20:58,685
Bloodsuckers!
1186
01:20:59,769 --> 01:21:03,205
It's gonna be all right, Mama.
And when we're far, far away...
1187
01:21:03,409 --> 01:21:05,479
from this godforsaken chemical swamp,
1188
01:21:05,689 --> 01:21:09,921
we're gonna sit back
and watch 'em all just decompose.
1189
01:21:10,129 --> 01:21:13,838
That'll be good for Bibleland,
their customers glowing in the dark.
1190
01:21:14,049 --> 01:21:16,769
I hope they all fry in hell!
1191
01:21:16,970 --> 01:21:20,007
- You bloodsucking bastards!
- Isn't this interesting?
1192
01:21:20,210 --> 01:21:21,962
- Put that down.
- She is in there.
1193
01:21:22,170 --> 01:21:24,559
- Put that down.
- She's lost a little weight.
1194
01:21:24,770 --> 01:21:27,728
I thought you had her
stuffed and mounted. Head's up!
1195
01:21:27,930 --> 01:21:29,648
- Ohh!
- Becky!
1196
01:21:40,610 --> 01:21:44,808
Swine...
Darryl, are you having a good time?
1197
01:22:03,651 --> 01:22:06,370
[scream, ghostly laugh]
1198
01:22:14,651 --> 01:22:16,164
[gasps]
1199
01:22:20,731 --> 01:22:22,562
[screams]
1200
01:22:27,171 --> 01:22:30,289
[man] Welcome to great Noah's Ark,
1201
01:22:30,492 --> 01:22:34,121
where we have a flood every 10 minutes.
1202
01:22:35,452 --> 01:22:37,807
- In the...
- [water gushes]
1203
01:22:43,652 --> 01:22:44,880
[screams]
1204
01:22:45,292 --> 01:22:46,805
No! This way.
1205
01:22:47,012 --> 01:22:49,446
[Farnsworth] Join our pyramid of prayer.
1206
01:22:49,652 --> 01:22:55,170
For only $12, you begin
your exciting journey up the pyramid.
1207
01:22:55,372 --> 01:23:01,288
And when you reach the top, you're gonna
be the target of 20,000 prayers!
1208
01:23:01,492 --> 01:23:03,005
[all] Amen!
1209
01:23:03,212 --> 01:23:07,650
A lady in Fargo broke the chain
and began a five-day fit of sneezing
1210
01:23:07,853 --> 01:23:09,809
- that ended in her death.
- Daddy?
1211
01:23:10,013 --> 01:23:15,326
Well, Mr Fletcher, what a pleasant
surprise. And, Becky, what are you...
1212
01:23:15,533 --> 01:23:19,446
Look who's here! Hamilton Johnson!
Friend of the community.
1213
01:23:19,653 --> 01:23:22,804
Ham, you look like you've
worked up quite a sweat.
1214
01:23:23,013 --> 01:23:25,208
You should dry your hair.
Want a towel?
1215
01:23:25,413 --> 01:23:28,564
- [gasps]
- Uh-oh, he's got a gun.
1216
01:23:28,773 --> 01:23:31,412
Show your lovely face
on national television.
1217
01:23:31,613 --> 01:23:35,367
Let 'em see that greedy glint in your
eye and hear that bullshit chuckle.
1218
01:23:35,573 --> 01:23:37,370
Who's gonna save you now, Fletch?
1219
01:23:37,573 --> 01:23:40,292
You'll have to shoot through me,
you son of a bitch!
1220
01:23:40,493 --> 01:23:43,690
He's not gonna shoot anybody.
Are you? You're on television.
1221
01:23:43,893 --> 01:23:46,010
You haven't got the guts.
1222
01:23:46,214 --> 01:23:48,682
- My mistake.
- Freeze!
1223
01:23:48,894 --> 01:23:52,853
FBI. Drop the gun!
I said, drop it. Harry!
1224
01:24:00,654 --> 01:24:05,364
And it's my plan to rerun this incident
every night during Sweeps Week.
1225
01:24:05,574 --> 01:24:08,407
The obvious question is,
what did you know and when?
1226
01:24:08,614 --> 01:24:10,809
How long would you let me
twist in the wind?
1227
01:24:11,014 --> 01:24:14,324
Up to a point. The Agency was
barking up the same tree you were.
1228
01:24:14,534 --> 01:24:17,048
- Jimmy Lee's finances.
- Yep.
1229
01:24:17,254 --> 01:24:20,644
Harry and Field Officer Vincent
infiltrated the Ministry.
1230
01:24:20,854 --> 01:24:22,811
Field Officer Vincent?
1231
01:24:23,015 --> 01:24:25,324
That's Mr Coco's real name.
1232
01:24:25,535 --> 01:24:28,049
We've been working
on this case for over a year.
1233
01:24:28,255 --> 01:24:31,565
Excuse me, Agent Goldstein,
can the officer speak to you?
1234
01:24:31,775 --> 01:24:34,812
- Surely.
- Goldstein?
1235
01:24:38,895 --> 01:24:41,329
[reporter] Thank you, sir.
1236
01:24:41,535 --> 01:24:44,095
Ding dong,
the wicked witch is dead.
1237
01:24:44,295 --> 01:24:47,605
So what's next, Fletch?
Back to LA?
1238
01:24:47,815 --> 01:24:49,726
There's no place like home.
1239
01:24:49,935 --> 01:24:51,971
Unless home is here.
1240
01:24:52,175 --> 01:24:55,770
You know what? We gotta get you
away from this chemical swamp.
1241
01:24:55,975 --> 01:24:57,931
I was wondering, do you like smog?
1242
01:25:01,216 --> 01:25:03,969
[Fletch] Back home
there was a surprise party for me.
1243
01:25:04,176 --> 01:25:07,725
But the nicest surprise was an insurance
cheque for the Belle Isle fire.
1244
01:25:07,936 --> 01:25:09,130
$100,000.
1245
01:25:09,336 --> 01:25:13,693
No one stopped Bly Bio Chem from
dumping that toxic waste on my land.
1246
01:25:13,896 --> 01:25:18,208
They told me not to worry. Its half-life
was estimated at 3,000 years.
1247
01:25:18,416 --> 01:25:20,168
Everything OK, Fletch?
1248
01:25:20,376 --> 01:25:22,936
Betty was pissed off
about giving up her office,
1249
01:25:23,136 --> 01:25:25,650
and Accounting gave me flak
about the new car.
1250
01:25:25,856 --> 01:25:29,132
Everything's gonna be just the way
you want it, maybe better.
1251
01:25:29,336 --> 01:25:31,292
I like your attitude, Frank.
1252
01:25:31,496 --> 01:25:34,806
- Excuse me just a sec.
- What a guy!
1253
01:25:36,857 --> 01:25:41,214
I thought I told you...
never to come to my workplace.
1254
01:25:41,417 --> 01:25:43,248
Time's change, my dear Fletch.
1255
01:25:43,457 --> 01:25:46,654
Rumour has it that you inherited
a sizable piece of property.
1256
01:25:46,857 --> 01:25:50,770
- Who told you?
- I have my sources too.
1257
01:25:50,977 --> 01:25:54,287
They suggest you may
have been considering skipping town
1258
01:25:54,497 --> 01:25:56,488
and retiring on this vast estate.
1259
01:25:56,697 --> 01:25:59,336
Thus skipping out
on your responsibilities.
1260
01:25:59,537 --> 01:26:03,735
- Would I do that?
- Wendy could probably get half of it.
1261
01:26:03,937 --> 01:26:08,374
So in return for the other half,
we would forego any other claims.
1262
01:26:09,257 --> 01:26:12,329
Think about it.
You would never see me again.
1263
01:26:17,178 --> 01:26:19,134
Where do I sign?
1264
01:26:24,018 --> 01:26:26,134
- I'll never see you again?
- Never.
1265
01:26:31,018 --> 01:26:34,090
You realize this is my family land?
1266
01:26:35,338 --> 01:26:37,852
Does it please you
to rip out my ancestral roots?
1267
01:26:38,058 --> 01:26:41,130
I was born and raised in a briar patch.
1268
01:26:49,778 --> 01:26:52,247
Now Wendy can live a life of leisure.
1269
01:26:52,459 --> 01:26:56,850
Clean air, clean water. This is the way
she was destined to live.
1270
01:26:57,699 --> 01:27:00,497
OK, Gillet. You've broken me.
1271
01:27:00,699 --> 01:27:02,530
I hope you're happy.
1272
01:27:10,379 --> 01:27:13,769
# Hey, hey
We gonna go out tonight
1273
01:27:15,059 --> 01:27:18,972
# Hey, hey
We gonna go out tonight
1274
01:27:20,059 --> 01:27:23,813
# We gonna have some fun
Everything will be all right
1275
01:27:32,100 --> 01:27:33,852
# Ohhh
1276
01:27:34,060 --> 01:27:35,971
# All right #
1277
01:27:47,300 --> 01:27:49,336
[# Buckwheat Zydeco: Make a Change]