1
00:00:23,041 --> 00:00:25,127
I would say...

2
00:00:25,878 --> 00:00:28,839
Let's see,
he was busted at least nine or 10 times.

3
00:00:29,381 --> 00:00:31,675
Twice for possession of narcotics...

4
00:00:31,717 --> 00:00:35,429
...and three, four times for obscenity.

5
00:00:36,764 --> 00:00:39,183
Ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Bruce.

6
00:00:46,482 --> 00:00:50,360
Did you know that Eleanor Roosevelt
gave Lou Gehrig the clap?

7
00:00:51,862 --> 00:00:54,073
"What did he say?
Jesus Christ, is that cruel!

8
00:00:54,156 --> 00:00:55,824
"Must he get that low for laughs?

9
00:00:55,908 --> 00:00:58,202
"What's the point?
That's really bad taste."

10
00:00:58,285 --> 00:01:02,539
The point is the suppression of words.

11
00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:04,374
Now, dig.

12
00:01:04,583 --> 00:01:08,087
Here it is 1964,
and yet every doctor I know tells me...

13
00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:11,340
... that a certain disease
is becoming an epidemic again...

14
00:01:11,423 --> 00:01:13,217
... when everybody knows, or should...

15
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,552
... that one shot in the ass
would knock it out.

16
00:01:15,594 --> 00:01:19,056
And yet, there it is: VD.
Right up there with the top 10.

17
00:01:19,223 --> 00:01:21,725
Why? Because nobody talks about it.

18
00:01:21,809 --> 00:01:24,394
Nobody even wants to say the word.

19
00:01:24,436 --> 00:01:27,064
If the community chest hits on you,
do you say:

20
00:01:27,147 --> 00:01:30,401
"Excuse me, but how much of my dollar
is going for the clap?"

21
00:01:30,609 --> 00:01:32,361
I don't think you do, man.

22
00:01:32,444 --> 00:01:34,905
What we have to do
is start talking about it.

23
00:01:34,947 --> 00:01:37,866
What we need is to get
some of our national heroes...

24
00:01:37,950 --> 00:01:39,576
... to admit they've had it.

25
00:01:39,618 --> 00:01:42,621
All right, Eleanor Roosevelt
gave Lou Gehrig the clap.

26
00:01:42,704 --> 00:01:45,249
She also gave it to Chiang Kai-shek.

27
00:01:45,958 --> 00:01:50,754
And he gave it to J. Edgar Hoover, man.
Which is how it really spread.

28
00:01:50,796 --> 00:01:53,757
All right, a boy gets the clap.
Can he go to his father?

29
00:01:53,799 --> 00:01:57,386
Forget it, he can't relate.
He's lucky if he can go to some schmuck...

30
00:01:57,469 --> 00:01:59,763
... who sweeps the store,
not even the druggist.

31
00:01:59,847 --> 00:02:01,432
"Manny, I gotta talk to you."

32
00:02:01,515 --> 00:02:02,683
"What's the matter?"

33
00:02:02,766 --> 00:02:03,851
"I got the clap."

34
00:02:03,934 --> 00:02:05,894
"Jesus. Where'd you get that?"

35
00:02:05,978 --> 00:02:08,814
"Painting a car, schmuck!
What's the difference? I got it!"

36
00:02:08,897 --> 00:02:10,149
"What do you want from me?"

37
00:02:10,232 --> 00:02:12,735
"You work in a drug store.
Give me some pills."

38
00:02:12,818 --> 00:02:14,194
"All right. Here."

39
00:02:15,154 --> 00:02:17,740
"Dexedrine spansules. Is this good?"

40
00:02:17,823 --> 00:02:19,742
" Yeah, it's all the same horseshit.

41
00:02:19,825 --> 00:02:21,952
"Keeps you awake
so you know you got it, right?"

42
00:02:21,994 --> 00:02:23,912
"The reason I want these pills is...

43
00:02:23,996 --> 00:02:26,415
"...I got a good job
and I don't want to get laid off."

44
00:02:26,498 --> 00:02:27,624
"Where you working?"

45
00:02:27,708 --> 00:02:29,710
"The meat-packing plant."

46
00:02:29,835 --> 00:02:32,588
You know, I'll tell you what we really need.

47
00:02:32,671 --> 00:02:36,008
Maybe one day,
Jerry Lewis would go on television...

48
00:02:36,091 --> 00:02:38,844
... and instead of getting
hung up with muscular dystrophy...

49
00:02:38,927 --> 00:02:40,804
... he'd have a clap-a-thon!

50
00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:44,725
Forget it. It'll never happen.
You know why?

51
00:02:44,808 --> 00:02:46,518
Because talking about it...

52
00:02:46,602 --> 00:02:49,021
... makes you the worst person
in the community.

53
00:02:50,105 --> 00:02:51,857
When did you first meet Lenny?

54
00:02:52,191 --> 00:02:56,945
It was back in 1951, Baltimore.

55
00:02:57,196 --> 00:02:59,114
I was headlining.

56
00:02:59,573 --> 00:03:02,326
Headlining? I was working at this club.

57
00:03:02,618 --> 00:03:05,037
A-one, two, a-one, two, three, four!

58
00:03:08,373 --> 00:03:10,167
"Now, when the saints

59
00:03:10,417 --> 00:03:12,377
"Go marchin' in, yeah!

60
00:03:12,878 --> 00:03:15,839
"Now, when the saints go marchin' in"

61
00:03:31,897 --> 00:03:33,107
Yeah!

62
00:03:33,857 --> 00:03:35,150
Thank you.

63
00:03:36,485 --> 00:03:39,696
And now, here's the moment
that you've all been waiting for.

64
00:03:39,738 --> 00:03:44,368
So without further ado,
may we present Hot Honey Harlowe!

65
00:03:44,410 --> 00:03:45,911
Let's hear it, everybody!

66
00:06:26,196 --> 00:06:27,406
Eddie...

67
00:06:28,907 --> 00:06:30,367
Look at that hair.

68
00:06:31,285 --> 00:06:33,370
Who's the guy over by the window?

69
00:06:34,163 --> 00:06:35,706
Lenny Bruce. He's a comic.

70
00:06:41,462 --> 00:06:43,797
- What kind of comic?
- Lousy.

71
00:06:44,506 --> 00:06:46,967
- I think I know her from somewhere.
- Fake hair.

72
00:06:48,302 --> 00:06:49,344
Really?

73
00:07:07,446 --> 00:07:10,449
- He's cute.
- Cute? He does crap.

74
00:07:10,783 --> 00:07:12,910
Old jokes, lousy impressions.

75
00:07:13,744 --> 00:07:15,621
I really had problems when I was a kid.

76
00:07:15,704 --> 00:07:17,790
It wasn't until I was 8 years old...

77
00:07:17,873 --> 00:07:20,667
... that I figured out
my name wasn't "Shut Up."

78
00:07:23,337 --> 00:07:26,090
All right, folks,
how 'bout some bird impressions?

79
00:07:26,965 --> 00:07:28,550
Bobwhite.

80
00:07:30,135 --> 00:07:32,054
Bobwhite backwards.

81
00:07:34,389 --> 00:07:35,599
A duck.

82
00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:38,018
A swallow.

83
00:07:38,977 --> 00:07:40,145
A goose.

84
00:07:42,106 --> 00:07:43,065
Boy...

85
00:07:43,148 --> 00:07:46,068
Did you ever feel
that you're in an amateur contest...

86
00:07:46,276 --> 00:07:48,195
... and you're losing?

87
00:07:49,696 --> 00:07:53,283
All right, folks,
let's get back to the sure-fire stuff, now.

88
00:07:53,325 --> 00:07:55,828
So let's go to
the Show Business Hall of Fame...

89
00:07:55,911 --> 00:07:58,831
... where the emcee is my good friend...

90
00:07:59,123 --> 00:08:01,583
... the old schnozola himself.

91
00:08:05,838 --> 00:08:07,756
It's granite out there.

92
00:08:15,347 --> 00:08:18,851
Thanks, but, you know, the other day,
I went into the shoe store...

93
00:08:18,934 --> 00:08:21,979
... and I said to the clerk,
"Do you sell alligator shoes?"

94
00:08:22,312 --> 00:08:23,480
And he said:

95
00:08:23,522 --> 00:08:25,816
"What size does your alligator wear?"

96
00:08:27,025 --> 00:08:29,069
You're really something, Durante.

97
00:08:29,153 --> 00:08:32,865
And now, I'd like to
introduce you to my favorite singer...

98
00:08:33,073 --> 00:08:34,616
... Vaughan Monroe.

99
00:08:41,749 --> 00:08:46,003
"Racing with the moon"

100
00:08:49,465 --> 00:08:50,799
If his act was so lousy...

101
00:08:50,883 --> 00:08:53,552
...there must have been
something that attracted you.

102
00:08:53,635 --> 00:08:55,596
What was there about him?

103
00:08:57,639 --> 00:08:59,600
He was just...

104
00:09:00,893 --> 00:09:02,394
...I don't know...

105
00:09:02,895 --> 00:09:03,896
...huggable.

106
00:10:18,512 --> 00:10:19,847
Thank you.

107
00:11:06,477 --> 00:11:09,480
My mother's a comic.
I got out of the service...

108
00:11:09,521 --> 00:11:12,316
...and I changed my name,
and, you know...

109
00:11:12,524 --> 00:11:14,401
What's your real name?

110
00:11:14,651 --> 00:11:16,820
Leonard Alfred Schneider.

111
00:11:17,863 --> 00:11:19,948
Why'd you change it?

112
00:11:20,783 --> 00:11:22,201
Too Jewish.

113
00:11:23,702 --> 00:11:25,287
I like the name Bruce.

114
00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:28,916
Now, Bruce sounds like
the captain of the football team.

115
00:11:28,999 --> 00:11:31,376
That's why I changed it, but the...

116
00:11:31,710 --> 00:11:35,130
...first guy I met whose name was Bruce
tried to kiss me.

117
00:11:37,091 --> 00:11:38,509
418, please.

118
00:11:39,384 --> 00:11:40,803
What hotel are you at?

119
00:11:42,554 --> 00:11:43,931
621, please.

120
00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:48,936
- Here? You're kidding.
- No.

121
00:11:53,899 --> 00:11:56,026
- Well?
- Well?

122
00:12:01,156 --> 00:12:03,951
- Aren't you going to answer it?
- Why?

123
00:12:09,748 --> 00:12:13,043
How do you people
really feel about doing it?

124
00:12:14,336 --> 00:12:19,091
Isn't that about the dirtiest thing
we could do to each other?

125
00:12:19,550 --> 00:12:22,803
I mean, it's really not nice, doing it.

126
00:12:23,262 --> 00:12:26,390
What's the worst thing you can say
to anybody? "Fuck you, mister."

127
00:12:26,432 --> 00:12:29,101
That's weird,
because if I wanted to hurt you...

128
00:12:29,184 --> 00:12:32,187
... I should say, "Unfuck you, mister."

129
00:12:32,271 --> 00:12:36,400
Because "fuck you" is really nice, man.

130
00:12:36,775 --> 00:12:38,527
"Hello, Ma! It's me!

131
00:12:38,777 --> 00:12:40,320
"Yeah, I just got back.

132
00:12:40,404 --> 00:12:41,613
"Fuck you, Ma!

133
00:12:42,489 --> 00:12:44,074
"Sure, I mean it.

134
00:12:44,324 --> 00:12:45,534
"Is Pop there?

135
00:12:46,535 --> 00:12:48,662
"Pop, my Pop.

136
00:12:48,871 --> 00:12:50,456
"Fuck you, too, pop."

137
00:12:58,172 --> 00:12:59,173
What?

138
00:13:03,135 --> 00:13:06,430
I can't believe it. I just cannot believe it.

139
00:13:07,431 --> 00:13:08,891
That I'm eating?

140
00:13:09,558 --> 00:13:10,976
Yeah, that you're eating.

141
00:13:11,059 --> 00:13:14,271
No, that you're here,
and that I'm here with you.

142
00:13:14,563 --> 00:13:16,273
I can't believe it.

143
00:13:17,065 --> 00:13:21,361
Do you know,
the first time I saw you in the cafeteria...

144
00:13:21,487 --> 00:13:23,614
...I wanted to go right up to you and say:

145
00:13:23,822 --> 00:13:26,366
"Hi, I'm Lenny Bruce,
and I got the hots for you."

146
00:13:27,993 --> 00:13:29,787
Now, why didn't I do that?

147
00:13:30,954 --> 00:13:32,831
Now, why didn't you do that?

148
00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:36,126
Would've saved a lot of time.

149
00:13:36,502 --> 00:13:38,253
Would've saved a lot of time.

150
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:40,631
I know why.

151
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:44,468
- You're shy.
- Yes.

152
00:13:45,260 --> 00:13:47,012
I've always been shy.

153
00:13:47,346 --> 00:13:48,847
Even as a kid?

154
00:13:49,515 --> 00:13:50,974
Even as a kid.

155
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:55,521
I've tried to get over it,
but I've always been very shy.

156
00:13:56,730 --> 00:13:59,483
I guess when you get right down to it...

157
00:14:00,651 --> 00:14:01,985
...I'm just...

158
00:14:03,404 --> 00:14:04,822
...basically...

159
00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:07,533
...a very shy...

160
00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,160
...person.

161
00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:16,708
Don't you have to go to work?

162
00:14:16,959 --> 00:14:19,878
Yes, I do, but I think I should stay here...

163
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,172
...and try to solve this problem...

164
00:14:22,881 --> 00:14:24,675
...of extreme shyness.

165
00:14:25,551 --> 00:14:29,721
Maybe I shouldn't be telling you
some of this, but...

166
00:14:30,472 --> 00:14:33,392
...it was quite a week.

167
00:14:45,821 --> 00:14:46,864
Honey?

168
00:14:48,073 --> 00:14:50,993
Listen, someday,
I'd like you to meet my mother.

169
00:14:51,744 --> 00:14:53,620
Did you stay together then?

170
00:14:53,704 --> 00:14:56,790
No, I had to go to Miami to work.

171
00:14:57,249 --> 00:15:01,545
But Lenny called every day, and...

172
00:15:01,962 --> 00:15:04,631
...one day, he called
and said he was coming down...

173
00:15:04,715 --> 00:15:06,717
...'cause he couldn't stand
to be without me.

174
00:15:06,967 --> 00:15:09,094
We're all the same schmuck...

175
00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:15,851
And it just cracks me up
that we try so desperately to be unique...

176
00:15:15,934 --> 00:15:20,731
... when we're all the same cat:
Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, me, you.

177
00:15:20,773 --> 00:15:24,234
Every cat has got that one chick
who really busted up his ass.

178
00:15:47,925 --> 00:15:49,468
He's here!

179
00:15:55,474 --> 00:15:56,975
Just a minute.

180
00:16:02,606 --> 00:16:06,193
There he stands in his underwear,
pleading like a dummy.

181
00:16:07,486 --> 00:16:09,238
"Please, will you touch it once?

182
00:16:10,322 --> 00:16:13,075
"You never touch it anymore.
Just touch it once."

183
00:16:13,158 --> 00:16:15,077
"You want me to when I don't feel like it?

184
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,703
"Even when I got a headache?

185
00:16:16,787 --> 00:16:19,248
"Even when I get no pleasure from it?"

186
00:16:19,331 --> 00:16:22,960
"Yeah, that's right, 'cause I'm a dummy,
I gotta get it touched, right?

187
00:16:23,127 --> 00:16:25,712
"If I wait for you, you'd never touch it."

188
00:16:25,838 --> 00:16:27,131
"I touch it a lot."

189
00:16:27,172 --> 00:16:29,675
"No, you don't.
You think you touch it a lot.

190
00:16:29,883 --> 00:16:31,718
"You used to touch it a lot.

191
00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:34,304
"Now it's a big favor to get you to touch it.

192
00:16:34,388 --> 00:16:36,723
"It's got to be like a big holiday...

193
00:16:36,849 --> 00:16:38,475
"...like Armistice Day, right?"

194
00:16:39,435 --> 00:16:40,853
"All right.

195
00:16:41,311 --> 00:16:43,522
"If you're gonna make me feel guilty...

196
00:16:43,772 --> 00:16:46,233
"...bring it over here, I'll touch it."

197
00:16:47,192 --> 00:16:50,028
"No, no, don't do me any favors.

198
00:16:50,863 --> 00:16:52,865
"I'll just touch it myself."

199
00:16:54,658 --> 00:16:56,160
That's it, man.

200
00:16:57,327 --> 00:16:58,787
We're all the same schmuck.

201
00:17:01,707 --> 00:17:03,041
Oh, my God!

202
00:17:04,668 --> 00:17:05,878
Man!

203
00:17:06,378 --> 00:17:08,297
Is that an album cover!

204
00:17:09,006 --> 00:17:13,343
Why don't you come in, big boy,
and pick a few flowers?

205
00:17:14,094 --> 00:17:15,345
Yeah.

206
00:17:19,725 --> 00:17:21,435
It's a shiksa goddess.

207
00:17:23,854 --> 00:17:26,940
That's about the time
I came into the picture.

208
00:17:27,024 --> 00:17:29,693
In what capacity?
What was your relationship?

209
00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:31,487
Personal manager.

210
00:17:32,154 --> 00:17:33,197
Friend.

211
00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:35,741
You know...

212
00:17:36,075 --> 00:17:38,702
...the relationship
between a client and an agent...

213
00:17:38,994 --> 00:17:42,498
...is a very delicate one, very delicate.

214
00:17:43,415 --> 00:17:45,209
You don't know...

215
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:48,253
...how far to get involved
in their personal lives.

216
00:17:48,921 --> 00:17:51,632
Lenny, you name it, she's done it.

217
00:17:51,882 --> 00:17:53,509
I mean the whole bit.

218
00:17:53,759 --> 00:17:56,553
By the time she was 15,
she had already done time.

219
00:17:56,845 --> 00:17:58,639
So you can just imagine.

220
00:17:59,389 --> 00:18:02,226
Look, Lenny, I'd like to be
more than just an agent to you.

221
00:18:02,351 --> 00:18:04,353
I think you know how I feel about you.

222
00:18:04,436 --> 00:18:06,730
Otherwise,
I would never tell you these things.

223
00:18:08,357 --> 00:18:11,485
What did you do, Artie?
Hire a private eye?

224
00:18:12,027 --> 00:18:13,362
I didn't have to.

225
00:18:14,613 --> 00:18:18,534
No, I heard you two were hanging around
a lot together, you know.

226
00:18:19,618 --> 00:18:24,164
Well, it's none of my business, I know,
but I just started asking around about her.

227
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,750
- I started hearing these things.
- I love you.

228
00:18:27,751 --> 00:18:31,588
There was this one guy who said
that he knew her...

229
00:18:31,672 --> 00:18:34,007
...and went to a party with her, and...

230
00:18:34,675 --> 00:18:35,759
...she...

231
00:18:35,801 --> 00:18:39,263
Lenny, look,
I don't have to spell it out for you, do I?

232
00:18:41,557 --> 00:18:43,767
Did my mother
have anything to do with this?

233
00:18:44,017 --> 00:18:46,270
Sally? No.

234
00:18:46,728 --> 00:18:49,648
Look, Lenny, I'm not making this stuff up.

235
00:18:49,898 --> 00:18:52,943
This isn't a very pleasant thing
to have to do, you know.

236
00:18:53,026 --> 00:18:54,194
If you don't believe me...

237
00:18:54,319 --> 00:18:56,196
...I mean, check it out yourself.

238
00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:00,159
I don't have to, man.
She already told me herself.

239
00:19:01,493 --> 00:19:03,120
But thanks.

240
00:19:05,414 --> 00:19:09,877
I mean, I got involved in a lot of things
which I wish I didn't get involved in.

241
00:19:10,127 --> 00:19:12,379
You know, very painful things...

242
00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:14,298
...in his personal life.

243
00:19:14,590 --> 00:19:17,009
It seems you really cared for him.

244
00:19:19,470 --> 00:19:21,722
Yeah. I loved that guy. I really did.

245
00:19:23,974 --> 00:19:25,267
Honey?

246
00:19:27,227 --> 00:19:28,896
Let's get married.

247
00:19:30,606 --> 00:19:31,607
What?

248
00:19:32,316 --> 00:19:34,026
I was a June bride.

249
00:19:35,235 --> 00:19:38,489
And I remember I was
wearing a bengaline suit...

250
00:19:38,864 --> 00:19:42,409
...had on high heels,
the judge was Judge Liddy.

251
00:19:42,493 --> 00:19:46,413
- You remember everything, don't you?
- Yeah. A lot of it.

252
00:19:47,206 --> 00:19:51,001
They've been sitting down there
like that for 15 minutes!

253
00:19:51,502 --> 00:19:55,756
- Why doesn't she let him come up?
- Mema, give her a chance.

254
00:19:56,381 --> 00:19:58,008
She's probably a very lovely girl.

255
00:19:58,258 --> 00:20:00,010
I knew all about her.

256
00:20:00,344 --> 00:20:03,847
Then I figured, "Listen, it's his life,
and if that's who he loves...

257
00:20:03,931 --> 00:20:05,265
"...that's fine with me."

258
00:20:05,390 --> 00:20:10,187
- But what can they be talking about?
- About us, dummy!

259
00:20:11,021 --> 00:20:13,023
Jesus! There goes the hair!

260
00:20:13,107 --> 00:20:16,860
My mother will be on all the time.

261
00:20:17,111 --> 00:20:19,446
She probably won't
even know you're there.

262
00:20:19,571 --> 00:20:23,325
- Good, then I won't have to go up.
- But you gotta meet Aunt Mema.

263
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:26,120
I'll get her to do her famous "feh" for you.

264
00:20:26,286 --> 00:20:27,830
"Feh?" What's that?

265
00:20:27,913 --> 00:20:29,623
Her impression of a Jewish seagull.

266
00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:32,751
You'll see, come on, man, let's go.

267
00:20:33,627 --> 00:20:34,795
Lenny?

268
00:20:40,926 --> 00:20:43,554
Do me a favor?
Please don't call me "man."

269
00:20:44,972 --> 00:20:47,224
I really wanted her to like me.

270
00:20:48,225 --> 00:20:49,893
In-laws, you know.

271
00:20:54,773 --> 00:20:59,194
I gotta tell you about the first time
that this schmuck ever worked a club.

272
00:20:59,486 --> 00:21:02,239
- Here it comes again.
- Never been on stage before...

273
00:21:02,322 --> 00:21:05,451
...and I'm working this club
on Ocean Parkway, the Victory Club.

274
00:21:05,534 --> 00:21:06,869
What a joint!

275
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,038
The customers were so tough...

276
00:21:10,122 --> 00:21:13,333
...they wore wool suits in the summer,
with no underwear.

277
00:21:13,459 --> 00:21:14,793
Now, listen.

278
00:21:15,127 --> 00:21:17,921
I know you know the story,
but I'm going to tell it anyway.

279
00:21:18,005 --> 00:21:21,216
One night, the emcee didn't show.
He had trouble with his car.

280
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:25,345
The police found marijuana in the trunk.
You hadn't heard that before.

281
00:21:25,429 --> 00:21:28,640
How long did you know Leonard
before you two got married?

282
00:21:30,642 --> 00:21:31,602
You're on your own.

283
00:21:31,852 --> 00:21:35,063
Mema, I'm on, okay?

284
00:21:35,314 --> 00:21:38,150
So I'm sitting in the bar, see.
And in walks Lenny.

285
00:21:38,233 --> 00:21:39,193
You should've seen me.

286
00:21:39,276 --> 00:21:42,154
I had on the brown suede shoes
and Billy Eckstine collar.

287
00:21:42,237 --> 00:21:45,741
So I says,
"Lenny, the emcee didn't show tonight.

288
00:21:45,824 --> 00:21:49,620
"How's about if I introduce you,
and you introduce the acts?"

289
00:21:49,661 --> 00:21:52,372
And he says,
"No, are you kidding with that?"

290
00:21:52,456 --> 00:21:54,374
And I says, "There's nothing to it.

291
00:21:54,458 --> 00:21:57,169
"You don't have to be funny.
It's just intros...

292
00:21:57,252 --> 00:21:59,171
"...like, 'Here's Slip and Slap.'

293
00:21:59,213 --> 00:22:01,632
"'How's about a hand
for "Schmutz" and "Drek?"'"

294
00:22:01,757 --> 00:22:03,592
"Drek" is Yiddish for shit.

295
00:22:03,884 --> 00:22:06,595
So finally, he says, "Okay, why not?"

296
00:22:06,678 --> 00:22:10,557
So three seconds later, I'm in the toilet.
All over the brown suede shoes.

297
00:22:10,641 --> 00:22:11,600
Leonard!

298
00:22:11,683 --> 00:22:12,851
- Blah!
- Feh!

299
00:22:14,019 --> 00:22:15,437
"Feh!" There it is.

300
00:22:15,938 --> 00:22:19,525
Hold it, the star is on!
Now, listen, I'm up there, see?

301
00:22:19,608 --> 00:22:22,820
And I've got the microphone,
and I'm saying to everybody:

302
00:22:22,903 --> 00:22:25,656
"Folks,
the emcee couldn't make it tonight..."

303
00:22:25,697 --> 00:22:28,075
"...but luckily, a good friend of mine...

304
00:22:28,158 --> 00:22:30,494
"...and a funny, funny guy..."

305
00:22:30,536 --> 00:22:32,329
Bullshit! You said "the funniest guy..."

306
00:22:32,371 --> 00:22:34,498
You said "the funniest guy in the world."

307
00:22:34,581 --> 00:22:36,333
You're right! Right!

308
00:22:36,375 --> 00:22:40,337
"Leonard Alfred Schneider,
who just flew in from the coast...

309
00:22:40,379 --> 00:22:43,382
"...from the "Sullivan Show",
happens to be in the club."

310
00:22:43,715 --> 00:22:46,969
You dig what she did to me?
My own mother.

311
00:22:47,219 --> 00:22:51,932
I have never been on the stage in my life,
and I gotta go out and try to be funny.

312
00:22:52,015 --> 00:22:54,726
You were so nervous
that you came rushing out...

313
00:22:55,310 --> 00:22:57,563
And he tripped over the mike cord...

314
00:22:57,646 --> 00:23:00,566
...and he knocked us both
flat on our asses!

315
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,693
It's true.

316
00:23:04,236 --> 00:23:05,571
It's true.

317
00:23:05,904 --> 00:23:08,240
You never heard such a laugh.
Mainly hers.

318
00:23:08,323 --> 00:23:12,119
So how long did you two know each other
before you got married?

319
00:23:12,202 --> 00:23:14,204
Yes, we must know the answer!

320
00:23:14,288 --> 00:23:17,875
How long had we known each other
before we got married?

321
00:23:18,584 --> 00:23:21,128
About half an hour.
I picked him up on the "D" train...

322
00:23:21,211 --> 00:23:23,172
...after he exposed his "putz" to me.

323
00:23:23,297 --> 00:23:25,466
- Terrific!
- "Putz"?

324
00:23:25,549 --> 00:23:27,843
I love it! "Putz"!" Terrific!

325
00:23:28,260 --> 00:23:30,012
It's true. Mema, it's true.

326
00:23:30,095 --> 00:23:33,390
I met her on the "D" train,
and I gave her one of these.

327
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,810
That's a small "feh."
Want to hear a loud "feh"?

328
00:23:36,894 --> 00:23:38,604
I went right up to her, and I went...

329
00:23:38,687 --> 00:23:40,147
That's a loud "feh."

330
00:23:40,230 --> 00:23:41,690
Can I show Sophie?

331
00:23:41,774 --> 00:23:45,235
Sophie? Sophie's her best friend.
Sophie, meet Linda.

332
00:23:45,319 --> 00:23:49,948
Sophie, this is the way I met my wife!
Mema doesn't like it, I don't understand it.

333
00:23:50,032 --> 00:23:52,951
Mema,
you used to kiss it when I was little.

334
00:23:53,994 --> 00:23:56,413
Lenny, she's a terrific girl!

335
00:23:57,581 --> 00:23:59,917
There's no bigger test
of how hip you really are...

336
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,294
... than when your girlfriend
becomes your wife.

337
00:24:04,171 --> 00:24:05,881
That's a new one. Why?

338
00:24:08,509 --> 00:24:11,804
You're walking around with
your jugs and your "pupik" sticking out...

339
00:24:11,887 --> 00:24:15,724
... and guys are sittin' there watching you
with newspapers and...

340
00:24:15,808 --> 00:24:17,226
...hats in their laps.

341
00:24:17,935 --> 00:24:19,394
You're jealous!

342
00:24:21,522 --> 00:24:23,065
I like that.

343
00:24:25,150 --> 00:24:27,569
I thought maybe we could
work something out...

344
00:24:27,653 --> 00:24:29,613
...that we could do together.

345
00:24:30,697 --> 00:24:33,409
- What, a double act?
- Yeah.

346
00:24:33,575 --> 00:24:36,203
Dig what I mean, like,
you talk to the average guy.

347
00:24:36,620 --> 00:24:39,039
"Look at that chick over there.

348
00:24:39,123 --> 00:24:40,707
"Isn't that a pretty chick?"

349
00:24:41,208 --> 00:24:43,502
"Yeah. She's beautiful.

350
00:24:43,961 --> 00:24:45,671
"She's got a pretty face and...

351
00:24:46,422 --> 00:24:47,840
"...nutty jugs.

352
00:24:49,591 --> 00:24:51,260
"Would you marry a woman like that?"

353
00:24:51,343 --> 00:24:53,345
"Yeah, are you kiddin' me?"

354
00:24:53,512 --> 00:24:55,347
"Would you let your wife dress that way?"

355
00:24:55,431 --> 00:24:58,642
"No! Are you kidding?
I'd knock her right on her ass!"

356
00:25:00,352 --> 00:25:02,438
"What'd you dig her for in the first place?"

357
00:25:02,521 --> 00:25:05,858
"You know, her jugs were sticking out."

358
00:25:06,108 --> 00:25:08,152
"You don't want her
to dress that way now?"

359
00:25:08,193 --> 00:25:10,320
"No! You crazy? That's my wife!"

360
00:25:12,614 --> 00:25:15,826
I'll have to cancel some of my...

361
00:25:16,368 --> 00:25:17,703
Forget it.

362
00:25:23,250 --> 00:25:25,836
Okay, daddy. A double act.

363
00:25:26,545 --> 00:25:27,588
Okay?

364
00:25:28,005 --> 00:25:31,842
That's where the conflict starts.
We all want for a wife...

365
00:25:32,259 --> 00:25:34,720
... a combination Sunday school teacher...

366
00:25:34,887 --> 00:25:37,431
... and $500-a-night hooker.

367
00:25:40,017 --> 00:25:42,102
He started working with me to be a singer.

368
00:25:42,186 --> 00:25:45,773
And he really played like
Flo Ziegfeld or somebody.

369
00:25:46,398 --> 00:25:49,026
And we were together 24 hours a day.

370
00:25:49,860 --> 00:25:52,196
So we started working around...

371
00:25:52,279 --> 00:25:54,406
...club dates, Catskills.

372
00:25:54,490 --> 00:25:57,034
And it wasn't a bad act.

373
00:25:57,826 --> 00:26:00,496
Really. Not a bad act.

374
00:26:03,749 --> 00:26:07,669
Coming from a big star like you, Mr. Hart,
that really means a lot to us.

375
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,756
And that's a very pretty little lady
you got there.

376
00:26:11,924 --> 00:26:13,342
Very pretty.

377
00:26:13,634 --> 00:26:14,843
Thank you.

378
00:26:14,927 --> 00:26:17,221
I might be able to use you
on my show sometime.

379
00:26:17,471 --> 00:26:18,472
Thank you.

380
00:26:19,515 --> 00:26:23,060
'Course, I love you, Lenny.
I love you younger guys coming up.

381
00:26:23,393 --> 00:26:26,563
You younger guys are what makes
this business a pleasure for me.

382
00:26:26,897 --> 00:26:31,360
Who wants to be a parent with no children,
a king with no princes?

383
00:26:31,610 --> 00:26:34,738
I was talkin' to Henny Youngman
on the "Barry Gray Show" about that.

384
00:26:34,822 --> 00:26:38,909
- Did you catch it?
- She never misses it, Sherman. Right?

385
00:26:39,118 --> 00:26:40,119
Right.

386
00:26:40,202 --> 00:26:42,913
Kiddo, what I'm tryin' to say,
you're so talented.

387
00:26:42,996 --> 00:26:45,040
I'd hate to see you
get off on the wrong foot.

388
00:26:45,124 --> 00:26:48,043
Work clean, Lenny.
Don't resort to using dirt.

389
00:26:48,669 --> 00:26:51,088
There was a big beef
about your show the other night.

390
00:26:51,296 --> 00:26:53,924
Lucky for you, I ran into Jack Goldstein.

391
00:26:54,133 --> 00:26:56,427
I stopped him from phoning in
a bad report on you.

392
00:26:56,510 --> 00:26:59,471
I appreciate that, Sherman,
but it was just a mistake, man.

393
00:26:59,513 --> 00:27:01,098
It was a comedy of errors.

394
00:27:01,181 --> 00:27:04,935
We just finished the duet,
and I was bored doing the same old jokes.

395
00:27:05,018 --> 00:27:06,979
It was hot, so, dig...

396
00:27:07,062 --> 00:27:12,025
...I took off my jacket, I turned to the band,
and I said, "Now for my 'jacket-off' bit."

397
00:27:12,234 --> 00:27:14,027
And the mike picked it up.

398
00:27:14,653 --> 00:27:17,364
So the band cracked up.
And I looked off at Honey...

399
00:27:17,448 --> 00:27:19,783
- And I cracked up.
- And then I cracked up.

400
00:27:19,867 --> 00:27:22,661
I know it looked the worst, man,
but it was just stupid.

401
00:27:22,745 --> 00:27:24,621
That's very stupid.

402
00:27:25,038 --> 00:27:27,082
A comic has to use his head.

403
00:27:27,374 --> 00:27:31,003
Up there,
you gotta be thinking every second.

404
00:27:41,930 --> 00:27:43,682
Thank you, thank you.

405
00:27:44,224 --> 00:27:46,059
As you know, ladies and gentlemen...

406
00:27:46,143 --> 00:27:49,104
... one of the all-time greats
of show business is here.

407
00:27:49,188 --> 00:27:51,774
In fact,
he got his start right here in this hotel.

408
00:27:52,149 --> 00:27:54,443
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Entertainment himself...

409
00:27:54,526 --> 00:27:57,613
... Sherman Hart, ladies and gentlemen!
Sherman Hart!

410
00:28:07,915 --> 00:28:09,917
You're wonderful! You're beautiful!

411
00:28:10,709 --> 00:28:12,377
You're heaven!

412
00:28:12,628 --> 00:28:14,338
Beautiful audience.

413
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,092
Lenny, baby,
I just love what you're doing up there.

414
00:28:18,217 --> 00:28:20,969
You'll love it when you see it
on my comedy hour...

415
00:28:21,178 --> 00:28:22,971
... Wednesday night, CBS.

416
00:28:23,347 --> 00:28:26,725
Thank you, you're beautiful!
I might as well tell you the times.

417
00:28:26,809 --> 00:28:31,605
It's 9:00 Eastern, 7:00 Rocky Mountain,
and 4:00 a.m. In Tokyo.

418
00:28:31,688 --> 00:28:32,856
Tokyo!

419
00:28:38,028 --> 00:28:40,572
You're beautiful! Thank you.

420
00:28:41,073 --> 00:28:43,200
Lenny, baby, sweetie, do me a favor.

421
00:28:43,242 --> 00:28:46,203
Would you just talk a little slower?
I can't write that fast.

422
00:28:47,538 --> 00:28:48,705
Go get 'em!

423
00:28:48,789 --> 00:28:51,250
Sherman Hart, ladies and gentlemen!

424
00:28:51,750 --> 00:28:53,419
You're wonderful!

425
00:28:53,502 --> 00:28:56,130
You're super! Thank you! Go get 'em, kid.

426
00:28:57,798 --> 00:29:01,135
You know, folks,
just to digress for a second, I know that...

427
00:29:01,385 --> 00:29:03,804
... I'm new at this and have lot to learn...

428
00:29:03,887 --> 00:29:05,514
... but, thanks to Sherman...

429
00:29:06,223 --> 00:29:10,185
... I realize I made a mistake
out here the other night.

430
00:29:11,019 --> 00:29:14,022
And if I offended any of you...

431
00:29:15,274 --> 00:29:17,401
... I'd really like to apologize.

432
00:29:18,444 --> 00:29:21,405
So, by way of making it up to you, I...

433
00:29:23,949 --> 00:29:25,743
I think I'm gonna piss on you.

434
00:29:29,747 --> 00:29:30,748
Why?

435
00:29:30,831 --> 00:29:35,419
- Look, I just want to get out of here.
- Why would you do such a terrible thing?

436
00:29:35,502 --> 00:29:40,466
Especially on the High Holiday weekend!
Everybody's going to be warned about you!

437
00:29:40,549 --> 00:29:43,051
You won't work another club,
room, anything!

438
00:29:43,135 --> 00:29:45,387
You're finished!
Finished in show business!

439
00:29:45,471 --> 00:29:47,347
No! No!

440
00:29:47,431 --> 00:29:49,099
Not that! Not that!

441
00:29:50,934 --> 00:29:52,436
Okay, you'll see!

442
00:29:52,811 --> 00:29:54,772
You got a rough road ahead of you, sonny!

443
00:29:54,855 --> 00:29:58,400
Especially with your dirty mouth
and your no-talent wife!

444
00:30:07,868 --> 00:30:09,244
Come here, Jack.

445
00:30:09,578 --> 00:30:12,289
There isn't one Puerto Rican
in your kitchen...

446
00:30:12,331 --> 00:30:14,083
...that hasn't "shtupped" your wife.

447
00:30:14,166 --> 00:30:15,375
Thanks for everything.

448
00:30:15,459 --> 00:30:17,669
What does he know about talent?
Are you all right?

449
00:30:18,337 --> 00:30:20,756
Okay. What is dirty?

450
00:30:20,839 --> 00:30:24,968
And what is clean?
Now, if I had to make a choice, man.

451
00:30:25,010 --> 00:30:27,763
I would rather my kid
watches a stag movie...

452
00:30:28,013 --> 00:30:31,433
"... than a clean movie like" King of Kings.

453
00:30:31,850 --> 00:30:34,770
"Why? Because" King of Kings
is full of killing...

454
00:30:34,895 --> 00:30:38,524
... and I don't want my kid
to kill Christ when he comes back.

455
00:30:38,774 --> 00:30:40,734
"That's what happens in" King of Kings.

456
00:30:40,818 --> 00:30:44,488
But tell me about a stag movie
where anybody gets punched or killed.

457
00:30:44,696 --> 00:30:48,992
If you're lucky, you might see someone
get tied up with a Wembley tie, or...

458
00:30:49,076 --> 00:30:51,120
... tapped lightly with a Hickok belt...

459
00:30:51,286 --> 00:30:55,165
... but for the most part, all you really see
during that hour and a half...

460
00:30:55,249 --> 00:30:58,293
... is a lot of hugging and kissing...

461
00:30:59,545 --> 00:31:01,338
... moaning and groaning.

462
00:31:02,005 --> 00:31:04,883
God, and then near the end of the movie...

463
00:31:04,967 --> 00:31:09,471
... when that one potential
instrument of death is revealed...

464
00:31:09,847 --> 00:31:11,181
... the pillow.

465
00:31:12,641 --> 00:31:16,353
The pillow that he might smother her with
like in one of those horror flicks.

466
00:31:16,395 --> 00:31:20,858
He takes that pillow
and gently slides it under the girl's ass...

467
00:31:22,443 --> 00:31:24,027
... and they go off.

468
00:31:24,361 --> 00:31:27,948
And nobody gets hurt or killed,
and it's nice.

469
00:31:29,074 --> 00:31:31,201
And that's the end of the movie.

470
00:31:53,849 --> 00:31:55,768
Somebody help!

471
00:31:56,935 --> 00:31:58,979
Please, somebody help!

472
00:32:06,153 --> 00:32:08,906
I had cuts all over my arms, my legs.

473
00:32:08,947 --> 00:32:11,158
I had a big gash right across here.

474
00:32:12,868 --> 00:32:15,037
My bladder was punctured.

475
00:32:16,330 --> 00:32:18,582
I was in shock for three weeks.

476
00:32:19,625 --> 00:32:22,753
It was very dramatic.

477
00:32:27,424 --> 00:32:29,718
Would you like some cold coffee,
Mr. Bruce?

478
00:32:30,469 --> 00:32:31,470
Thank you.

479
00:32:38,018 --> 00:32:39,103
Yes.

480
00:32:39,645 --> 00:32:40,813
Okay, I will.

481
00:32:40,938 --> 00:32:42,815
Mr. Bruce, you can go in now.

482
00:32:54,535 --> 00:32:56,954
- What is that, Doctor?
- Morphine.

483
00:33:08,966 --> 00:33:11,093
Some people have all the fun.

484
00:33:13,178 --> 00:33:14,513
I love you.

485
00:33:21,728 --> 00:33:23,063
Mr. Bruce.

486
00:33:24,523 --> 00:33:27,526
- Don't leave your coat.
- Thanks.

487
00:33:27,609 --> 00:33:29,111
Let me help you on with it.

488
00:33:31,780 --> 00:33:33,991
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

489
00:33:50,257 --> 00:33:51,508
Shit.

490
00:33:51,717 --> 00:33:54,636
Let's face it. Guys are different.

491
00:33:55,220 --> 00:33:57,097
Ladies just don't understand this.

492
00:33:58,056 --> 00:34:02,019
Because, to a lady, cheating means
hugging and kissing and liking somebody.

493
00:34:02,227 --> 00:34:03,896
You have to at least like somebody.

494
00:34:03,979 --> 00:34:05,856
With guys, that doesn't enter into it...

495
00:34:05,898 --> 00:34:08,066
... because guys are detached.
They're different.

496
00:34:08,233 --> 00:34:10,903
You put a guy on a desert island,
he'll do it to mud...

497
00:34:10,986 --> 00:34:14,323
... a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.

498
00:34:14,656 --> 00:34:17,409
So if you know this about guys,
would you feel hurt...

499
00:34:17,493 --> 00:34:20,871
... if you came home and you found
your husband in bed with a chicken?

500
00:34:22,456 --> 00:34:24,958
"A chicken! A chicken in our bed!"

501
00:34:25,042 --> 00:34:26,376
- "Come on..."
- "Don't touch me!"

502
00:34:27,628 --> 00:34:30,631
"You want your dinner?
Get your chicken to get it for you."

503
00:34:31,173 --> 00:34:33,050
You know, in New York, it's illegal.

504
00:34:33,425 --> 00:34:35,928
"Seeming sexual intercourse
with an animal.

505
00:34:36,011 --> 00:34:38,764
"To wit, a chicken." That's the literal.

506
00:34:41,850 --> 00:34:44,186
But how can you even fantasize it?

507
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:47,648
They're too short.

508
00:34:48,607 --> 00:34:51,360
"How come you're alone tonight?
Your chicken leave town?"

509
00:34:51,443 --> 00:34:56,115
"Will you leave me alone with the chicken?
I was drunk. I met her in the yard.

510
00:34:56,281 --> 00:34:59,660
"Anyway, I was thinking of you
the whole time I was doing it."

511
00:35:03,956 --> 00:35:05,749
Do I have to stay in this thing?

512
00:35:05,916 --> 00:35:07,584
I can walk, you know.

513
00:35:07,751 --> 00:35:10,087
The rules, Mrs. Bruce.
Just as far as the door.

514
00:35:10,170 --> 00:35:12,339
You don't want to break the rules, do you?

515
00:35:12,923 --> 00:35:14,258
Here we go.

516
00:35:15,134 --> 00:35:17,094
Take it easy. Easy, easy.

517
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:19,680
You okay? You sure?

518
00:35:19,763 --> 00:35:20,931
Good-bye, Mrs. Bruce.

519
00:35:21,014 --> 00:35:22,433
- Good-bye, Mr. Bruce.
- Bye.

520
00:35:22,516 --> 00:35:24,309
It's been very nice meeting you both.

521
00:35:24,685 --> 00:35:26,520
Thanks for everything.

522
00:35:26,770 --> 00:35:28,105
Thanks a lot.

523
00:35:38,407 --> 00:35:39,825
You made it with her, didn't you?

524
00:35:39,992 --> 00:35:43,203
Deny it. Flat out deny it.

525
00:35:43,662 --> 00:35:46,123
If you really love your wife, deny it.

526
00:35:46,665 --> 00:35:48,459
If they got pictures, deny it.

527
00:35:49,668 --> 00:35:51,128
It bugged me at first.

528
00:35:51,503 --> 00:35:52,921
You know, it hurt.

529
00:35:53,172 --> 00:35:55,466
If they walk in on you, deny it.

530
00:35:56,091 --> 00:35:58,802
Just say this chick
came into the apartment shivering...

531
00:35:58,844 --> 00:36:00,554
... with a sign that said:

532
00:36:00,637 --> 00:36:04,850
"I have malaria. Lie on top of me,
and keep me physically active, or I'll die."

533
00:36:05,267 --> 00:36:08,979
Later, I found out a lot about
why he did things like that.

534
00:36:09,229 --> 00:36:11,440
And chances are, man...

535
00:36:11,857 --> 00:36:13,150
... they'll believe it.

536
00:36:13,650 --> 00:36:14,610
Do you know why?

537
00:36:14,693 --> 00:36:17,529
- He needed to prove himself.
- He needed to prove himself.

538
00:36:17,905 --> 00:36:19,656
Because they want to believe it.

539
00:36:20,282 --> 00:36:22,451
- Insecurity, probably.
- Insecurity.

540
00:36:24,870 --> 00:36:28,499
I understand, when you left the hospital,
you had a nice surprise, right?

541
00:36:28,582 --> 00:36:30,459
- Yeah.
- You feel okay?

542
00:36:30,542 --> 00:36:33,796
- A little weak.
- Okay, now, don't look until I tell you to.

543
00:36:33,879 --> 00:36:35,130
- Okay.
- Wait.

544
00:36:37,341 --> 00:36:38,383
Now.

545
00:36:39,176 --> 00:36:40,594
Big black Cadillac.

546
00:36:42,346 --> 00:36:43,680
It's ours.

547
00:36:46,892 --> 00:36:49,520
Where did you get the money?
The insurance?

548
00:36:49,561 --> 00:36:50,813
$7,000.

549
00:36:51,313 --> 00:36:53,690
Two more accidents like this,
and we're set for life.

550
00:36:54,817 --> 00:36:56,110
It's beautiful.

551
00:36:56,652 --> 00:36:59,321
- It's the most...
- I love it. I really love it.

552
00:36:59,405 --> 00:37:00,864
You should've seen the salesman.

553
00:37:00,948 --> 00:37:03,784
He said, "This car is the same one
Ike and Dick drive."

554
00:37:03,867 --> 00:37:05,536
I swear to God, that's what he said.

555
00:37:05,619 --> 00:37:08,205
He said, "You take it from Fat Boy.
It's almost new.

556
00:37:08,288 --> 00:37:11,250
"It's only been used once,
and that was in a suicide pact...

557
00:37:11,333 --> 00:37:15,337
"...so there's just a little bit of lipstick
around the exhaust pipe, you see."

558
00:37:15,504 --> 00:37:18,048
- I'll take it.
- That's good, young lady.

559
00:37:18,257 --> 00:37:19,633
Where we going, Fat Boy?

560
00:37:20,300 --> 00:37:23,053
First, Fat Boy's going to take you
to the motel...

561
00:37:23,262 --> 00:37:24,805
...where he gonna give it to you...

562
00:37:24,888 --> 00:37:28,350
...the same way he been
givin' it to the public for 25 years.

563
00:37:29,143 --> 00:37:31,145
And in the same location, too.

564
00:37:31,228 --> 00:37:33,188
- You promise?
- I promise.

565
00:37:35,524 --> 00:37:37,192
Then where we going, Fat Boy?

566
00:37:37,276 --> 00:37:41,905
Then Fat Boy's gonna take you
to that great big used car lot in the sky.

567
00:37:41,989 --> 00:37:43,907
You know where that is?

568
00:37:44,116 --> 00:37:45,451
California.

569
00:37:45,617 --> 00:37:50,205
- No! California?
- Come on, Fat Boy. Get on!

570
00:37:50,414 --> 00:37:52,416
I love you, Fat Boy.

571
00:37:53,083 --> 00:37:54,752
Well, we're off to California.

572
00:37:54,877 --> 00:37:56,754
The new life, you know?

573
00:37:57,045 --> 00:38:01,175
We're working our way across the country
playing these really dinky clubs.

574
00:38:02,301 --> 00:38:06,430
We usually bombed,
but it was kind of fun, you know?

575
00:38:07,973 --> 00:38:10,058
And that's where it all started.

576
00:38:11,477 --> 00:38:14,605
We were working this club in Detroit...

577
00:38:14,688 --> 00:38:18,150
...and we were all clowning around
in the dressing room...

578
00:38:18,192 --> 00:38:21,111
...and this drummer comes up and says:

579
00:38:21,487 --> 00:38:24,031
"You cats want to try something groovy?"

580
00:38:24,114 --> 00:38:26,116
And we said, "Sure."

581
00:38:26,492 --> 00:38:30,454
So he hands us these little straws,
and we started sniffing this stuff...

582
00:38:31,330 --> 00:38:32,956
...up our noses, you know.

583
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:37,920
- Was it cocaine?
- No. It was heroin, stuff.

584
00:38:39,129 --> 00:38:40,839
How did that make you feel?

585
00:38:42,758 --> 00:38:46,261
We sort of went bananas,
crying, jumping up and down...

586
00:38:46,345 --> 00:38:48,138
...stamping all around.
- And Lenny?

587
00:38:48,764 --> 00:38:52,601
Lenny started laughing.
It was kind of fun, you know.

588
00:39:12,913 --> 00:39:15,124
Before we're done with this town,
sweetheart...

589
00:39:15,207 --> 00:39:18,585
...we'll have your jugs
in cement in front of Grauman's Chinese.

590
00:39:18,919 --> 00:39:22,840
We bought pots and pans and dishes
and stuff like that...

591
00:39:23,048 --> 00:39:25,134
...and started setting up housekeeping.

592
00:39:26,677 --> 00:39:30,681
It was really terrific for a while, and then...

593
00:39:31,473 --> 00:39:33,475
Do you want to see a picture
I took of Lenny?

594
00:39:33,559 --> 00:39:35,018
And then what?

595
00:39:37,229 --> 00:39:39,148
The double act wasn't getting anywhere.

596
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:41,650
We'd gone through our savings pretty fast.

597
00:39:41,817 --> 00:39:44,903
So I went back to work stripping...

598
00:39:44,987 --> 00:39:48,198
... and Lenny took whatever jobs he could.

599
00:39:48,282 --> 00:39:50,200
We got in with this crowd...

600
00:39:50,242 --> 00:39:54,538
... and, you know, show people,
musicians, stuff like that.

601
00:39:54,663 --> 00:39:56,999
And they were all...

602
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:01,879
... messing around, fixing, stuff like that.

603
00:40:25,527 --> 00:40:27,112
You do things on dope that...

604
00:40:27,196 --> 00:40:29,573
...normally wouldn't
come into your mind to do.

605
00:40:34,620 --> 00:40:35,871
Why not?

606
00:40:38,624 --> 00:40:40,959
I just don't want to, that's all.

607
00:40:42,961 --> 00:40:44,421
It'll be nice.

608
00:40:46,924 --> 00:40:50,302
Why do you keep pushing this, Lenny?
You keep pushing.

609
00:40:52,554 --> 00:40:54,014
I don't know.

610
00:40:55,057 --> 00:40:56,809
A little excitement.

611
00:40:57,559 --> 00:40:59,311
It'd be good for us.

612
00:41:03,273 --> 00:41:05,484
I don't think we can handle it.

613
00:41:06,902 --> 00:41:08,862
Honey, that's very unhip.

614
00:41:11,031 --> 00:41:12,699
Maybe I'm not hip.

615
00:41:15,661 --> 00:41:17,204
Do you love me?

616
00:41:19,540 --> 00:41:20,624
Yeah.

617
00:41:22,543 --> 00:41:24,753
Don't you know that I love you?

618
00:41:27,714 --> 00:41:28,799
Yeah.

619
00:41:36,974 --> 00:41:37,975
So?

620
00:44:20,387 --> 00:44:23,098
And now, a word about dykes.

621
00:44:23,682 --> 00:44:25,100
I like dykes.

622
00:44:25,893 --> 00:44:27,853
How could you say that?

623
00:44:29,188 --> 00:44:30,856
Lenny, Jesus Christ!

624
00:44:31,315 --> 00:44:34,443
You were the one
that talked me into these freak scenes.

625
00:44:34,526 --> 00:44:36,987
I didn't need to do too much talking, did I?

626
00:44:37,946 --> 00:44:39,656
God.

627
00:44:40,365 --> 00:44:44,995
I knew it. I knew it.
I told you this was gonna happen.

628
00:44:45,370 --> 00:44:47,790
You didn't tell me
you were going to love it so much.

629
00:44:47,873 --> 00:44:52,377
That's what Will Rogers once said, man.
"I never met a dyke I didn't like."

630
00:44:52,836 --> 00:44:54,046
You're crazy.

631
00:44:54,171 --> 00:44:56,298
You know I made it with that nurse.

632
00:44:56,381 --> 00:44:59,176
- I know it.
- She was terrific.

633
00:45:00,511 --> 00:45:02,679
You know I made it with other chicks,
too, right?

634
00:45:02,763 --> 00:45:05,808
I don't want to play this stupid game!

635
00:45:09,228 --> 00:45:12,481
Don't you want to tell
me about the Chinese chick in the club?

636
00:45:13,232 --> 00:45:15,734
You didn't know I knew that, did you?

637
00:45:17,653 --> 00:45:19,780
I love you, Lenny.

638
00:45:20,531 --> 00:45:23,242
Why don't you tell me to stop?

639
00:45:23,909 --> 00:45:25,911
Why don't you tell yourself to stop?

640
00:45:26,537 --> 00:45:30,332
- Tell me.
- Why? You obviously dig it.

641
00:45:30,749 --> 00:45:32,376
So, you know...

642
00:45:32,793 --> 00:45:33,877
...that's cool.

643
00:45:37,423 --> 00:45:39,216
You son of a bitch!

644
00:45:39,591 --> 00:45:42,719
Why do you always have to be
so fucking hip?

645
00:45:42,970 --> 00:45:46,140
If you notice,
comics will do endless fag jokes...

646
00:45:46,598 --> 00:45:48,809
... but never dyke jokes.

647
00:45:49,435 --> 00:45:50,394
You know why?

648
00:45:50,477 --> 00:45:53,397
Because dykes will really
punch the shit out of you.

649
00:46:08,620 --> 00:46:11,248
It's really hard to spot dykes. Yeah.

650
00:46:11,790 --> 00:46:15,753
You know why?
Because sometimes, we're married to 'em.

651
00:46:23,135 --> 00:46:24,511
I love you.

652
00:46:35,230 --> 00:46:36,774
You were together and apart several times
during that period.

653
00:46:36,857 --> 00:46:40,027
What was it that you really wanted
from the marriage?

654
00:46:42,362 --> 00:46:45,616
I wanted a baby. I always wanted a baby.

655
00:46:46,575 --> 00:46:51,205
I thought it would help us, you know?
Bring us together.

656
00:46:51,413 --> 00:46:53,791
So we both cleaned up for a while...

657
00:46:53,957 --> 00:46:58,504
...and on November 7, 1955,
Kitty was born.

658
00:46:58,921 --> 00:47:01,465
We were like a real family for a while.

659
00:47:02,382 --> 00:47:06,261
And then I had to go back to work,
and travel a lot...

660
00:47:06,678 --> 00:47:11,558
...and Lenny started emceeing
these strip joints, real dives.

661
00:47:12,017 --> 00:47:14,478
We didn't get to see
much of each other, and...

662
00:47:16,313 --> 00:47:17,773
I don't know...

663
00:47:18,065 --> 00:47:19,817
Sometimes things...

664
00:47:21,402 --> 00:47:25,322
...just don't work out,
and you really never understand why.

665
00:47:26,532 --> 00:47:28,784
Do you want to see a picture
I took of Kitty?

666
00:47:37,167 --> 00:47:39,128
No, dummy, in your mouth.

667
00:47:40,462 --> 00:47:42,673
- Man, what time is it?
- 9:30.

668
00:47:44,383 --> 00:47:46,135
Mommy will be here pretty soon, okay?

669
00:48:05,070 --> 00:48:06,071
Bye.

670
00:48:23,380 --> 00:48:25,340
Just couldn't get a cab.

671
00:48:29,762 --> 00:48:33,432
Called three places,
and they said they'd send one, but...

672
00:48:34,641 --> 00:48:36,143
...nada city.

673
00:48:39,188 --> 00:48:40,856
I finally got one.

674
00:48:47,780 --> 00:48:48,947
Right.

675
00:48:57,539 --> 00:49:00,375
Kitty, Mama's sorry she's late.

676
00:49:00,876 --> 00:49:04,213
- She knows Daddy's mad.
- Mr. Bruce.

677
00:49:05,130 --> 00:49:07,132
Mr. Bruce. Your order ready.

678
00:49:12,554 --> 00:49:14,765
- How much?
- $2.75.

679
00:49:15,849 --> 00:49:19,436
Your missus,
she's the cutest girl I ever see. Receipt?

680
00:49:20,145 --> 00:49:22,940
Take a fortune cookie, and say hello to her.

681
00:49:23,023 --> 00:49:25,818
- She a wonderful wife.
- We're divorced.

682
00:49:25,901 --> 00:49:27,403
You better off.

683
00:49:27,694 --> 00:49:30,739
It's really hard when you break up
with your old lady.

684
00:49:31,407 --> 00:49:32,866
Because at first, you think:

685
00:49:32,950 --> 00:49:35,828
"Man, that's groovy.
Screw her, I'll really swing now."

686
00:49:36,203 --> 00:49:38,705
But the kind of chicks
you meet when you're divorced...

687
00:49:38,789 --> 00:49:40,624
... are divorced chicks, man.

688
00:49:40,833 --> 00:49:42,793
And they all have that 6-year-old kid.

689
00:49:42,876 --> 00:49:45,212
He's like a prop from Central Casting.

690
00:49:45,838 --> 00:49:49,425
And if they don't have that kid,
they have that French poodle...

691
00:49:50,384 --> 00:49:53,429
... that has to be allowed
in the bedroom all the time, right?

692
00:49:54,054 --> 00:49:56,473
He's on the bed when you're trying to do it.

693
00:49:57,599 --> 00:49:59,643
"What is the function of this dog here?"

694
00:49:59,935 --> 00:50:02,521
"He's just looking at us.
He just wants to watch."

695
00:50:02,604 --> 00:50:05,858
"Wants to watch? I'm not an exhibitionist.

696
00:50:06,567 --> 00:50:09,278
"You get out of here, you pervert."

697
00:50:10,362 --> 00:50:12,489
Those sick red eyes, man.

698
00:50:12,823 --> 00:50:15,200
Tap dancing on the linoleum floor...

699
00:50:17,202 --> 00:50:19,413
... with that pink thing sticking out.

700
00:50:19,913 --> 00:50:21,999
It's like a lipstick, right?

701
00:50:22,291 --> 00:50:24,501
If you've been married for five years...

702
00:50:24,543 --> 00:50:26,378
... and it goes into the shithouse...

703
00:50:26,462 --> 00:50:29,298
... then you're going to spend
a lot of time throwing up.

704
00:50:29,381 --> 00:50:33,677
And when it's over,
about the only satisfaction you can have...

705
00:50:33,927 --> 00:50:35,387
... is to get even.

706
00:50:35,721 --> 00:50:37,014
Get even with the chick.

707
00:50:37,055 --> 00:50:39,308
Get that kid. Get even. I got the kid.

708
00:50:39,433 --> 00:50:41,435
He just stole her from me.

709
00:50:41,894 --> 00:50:43,520
We were in Hawaii...

710
00:50:43,729 --> 00:50:47,316
...and I'd gotten busted
for having a little pot in my car.

711
00:50:48,233 --> 00:50:50,861
I was waiting trial,
and he knew I couldn't leave...

712
00:50:50,944 --> 00:50:53,363
...and he took her, man. He just took her.

713
00:50:54,156 --> 00:50:58,243
I'm sorry, the tape ran out.
I don't think I got all of that sound.

714
00:50:58,410 --> 00:51:03,248
Just give me a second,
and then maybe repeat that for me, please.

715
00:51:03,332 --> 00:51:06,585
No, forget it. I know why.

716
00:51:07,836 --> 00:51:12,216
He took her because
he knew I couldn't take care of her.

717
00:51:13,133 --> 00:51:14,760
Because of drugs?

718
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:18,388
But custody doesn't mean "get even."

719
00:51:19,932 --> 00:51:21,850
What custody really means...

720
00:51:22,601 --> 00:51:24,269
... is I raise.

721
00:51:25,437 --> 00:51:29,066
"I get up in the morning. I" schlep "the kid."

722
00:51:29,483 --> 00:51:30,943
I clean.

723
00:51:31,819 --> 00:51:33,028
I love.

724
00:51:34,321 --> 00:51:35,322
It's hot.

725
00:51:36,615 --> 00:51:38,409
Custody's a lot of dos.

726
00:51:40,911 --> 00:51:42,162
Is good, right?

727
00:51:42,246 --> 00:51:44,331
You better off with me, right?

728
00:51:46,625 --> 00:51:47,960
It's probably for you.

729
00:51:48,043 --> 00:51:50,629
I'll tell them you're eating
and to call back later.

730
00:51:50,712 --> 00:51:53,715
Here, here. Have yourself an orgy.

731
00:51:59,138 --> 00:52:00,305
Yeah?

732
00:52:00,389 --> 00:52:04,643
I have a collect call for Mr. Lenny Bruce
from Honey Bruce in Honolulu.

733
00:52:05,936 --> 00:52:09,148
- Yeah, this is him.
- Will you accept the charges?

734
00:52:10,399 --> 00:52:11,275
Yeah.

735
00:52:11,358 --> 00:52:14,069
Just a moment. Go ahead.

736
00:52:16,989 --> 00:52:18,115
Lenny?

737
00:52:19,032 --> 00:52:20,075
Hi.

738
00:52:23,370 --> 00:52:27,166
What's shakin', man? What do you want?

739
00:52:28,417 --> 00:52:30,210
I think you called me.

740
00:52:33,547 --> 00:52:34,882
Right.

741
00:52:40,721 --> 00:52:42,473
What are you doin'?

742
00:52:42,723 --> 00:52:44,767
Nothing. It's my night off.

743
00:52:47,644 --> 00:52:48,812
Right.

744
00:52:54,485 --> 00:52:57,988
I've got some really good news.

745
00:52:58,781 --> 00:53:02,618
I met this agent...

746
00:53:02,659 --> 00:53:07,498
...who said maybe he could get me
some dates working conventions.

747
00:53:07,539 --> 00:53:09,541
Yeah, I know. You told me.

748
00:53:09,958 --> 00:53:11,126
I did?

749
00:53:13,253 --> 00:53:15,589
But he says it's almost definite.

750
00:53:16,465 --> 00:53:19,676
He said he'd call on Tuesday.

751
00:53:25,641 --> 00:53:26,809
Lenny?

752
00:53:27,643 --> 00:53:29,603
Yeah, that's good. That's good news.

753
00:53:32,064 --> 00:53:35,192
I got some really good news.

754
00:53:39,321 --> 00:53:40,948
My lawyer says...

755
00:53:41,490 --> 00:53:44,201
...I might not have to go to jail.

756
00:53:46,870 --> 00:53:48,705
He says we can appeal.

757
00:53:50,124 --> 00:53:51,125
But...

758
00:53:51,542 --> 00:53:53,210
How much this time?

759
00:53:56,004 --> 00:53:57,047
$200?

760
00:54:03,262 --> 00:54:05,013
I'll send what I can.

761
00:54:06,557 --> 00:54:08,642
I'll pay you back this time.

762
00:54:09,435 --> 00:54:11,270
He said he'd call on...

763
00:54:15,274 --> 00:54:16,483
Tuesday.

764
00:54:22,531 --> 00:54:24,199
I miss you, Daddy.

765
00:54:31,623 --> 00:54:33,041
How's Kitty?

766
00:54:34,543 --> 00:54:35,627
Fine.

767
00:54:36,044 --> 00:54:37,254
You change her a lot?

768
00:54:38,464 --> 00:54:42,009
You know, you got to change her,
or else she gets those rashes.

769
00:54:42,301 --> 00:54:43,510
I got to hang up now.

770
00:54:43,886 --> 00:54:44,928
Lenny?

771
00:54:48,307 --> 00:54:50,058
Yeah, I'm still here.

772
00:54:52,728 --> 00:54:54,146
Do you still love me?

773
00:54:54,646 --> 00:54:56,315
Sure, but I gotta hang up now.

774
00:54:56,398 --> 00:54:59,276
I can't make these phone bills.
It just never stops.

775
00:54:59,359 --> 00:55:02,404
Because I still love you,
and as soon as I'm straight...

776
00:55:02,446 --> 00:55:04,073
Look, I gotta hang up.

777
00:55:04,656 --> 00:55:07,117
Listen, I'll send what I can.

778
00:55:09,953 --> 00:55:11,121
Okay?

779
00:55:14,208 --> 00:55:15,250
Okay.

780
00:55:19,296 --> 00:55:21,090
Take care of yourself.

781
00:55:40,025 --> 00:55:43,737
You see, the trouble is that we all live
in a happy-ending culture...

782
00:55:43,946 --> 00:55:47,366
... a what-should-be
culture instead of a what-is culture.

783
00:55:47,658 --> 00:55:50,285
We're all taught that fantasy,
but if we were taught...

784
00:55:50,452 --> 00:55:54,123
... this is what is,
I think we'd be less screwed up.

785
00:55:54,331 --> 00:55:55,541
Dig what I mean.

786
00:55:55,707 --> 00:55:59,920
I'd like to show you some dirty pictures
that relate to your daughter and mine.

787
00:56:00,003 --> 00:56:03,340
These are some pictures
of the Kennedy assassination.

788
00:56:03,549 --> 00:56:04,716
Now...

789
00:56:05,342 --> 00:56:07,511
I say these are dirty pictures...

790
00:56:07,928 --> 00:56:10,305
... because the captions are bullshit.

791
00:56:10,347 --> 00:56:13,725
"Never for an instant
did she think of flight."

792
00:56:14,435 --> 00:56:17,271
Now, that's bullshit. That's my conclusion.

793
00:56:17,563 --> 00:56:20,315
Time Magazine's "conclusion"
is that this woman was trying...

794
00:56:20,399 --> 00:56:22,317
... to get out of the car to get help...

795
00:56:22,359 --> 00:56:24,862
... or trying to help the
secret service men aboard.

796
00:56:24,945 --> 00:56:26,989
That's their conclusion, and we buy it.

797
00:56:27,448 --> 00:56:30,159
But I think she did the normal thing, man.

798
00:56:30,492 --> 00:56:32,995
When the president got it,
and the governor got it...

799
00:56:33,078 --> 00:56:37,958
... she tried to get the hell out of there!
But they want us to believe this bullshit!

800
00:56:38,125 --> 00:56:40,085
They want my daughter, our daughters...

801
00:56:40,169 --> 00:56:42,337
... if their husbands get shot someday...

802
00:56:42,379 --> 00:56:44,673
... and they try to haul ass
to save their asses...

803
00:56:44,757 --> 00:56:48,552
... that they do the normal thing,
then they'll feel guilty and shitty...

804
00:56:48,594 --> 00:56:52,055
... because they're not like
that good woman in the fantasy.

805
00:56:52,264 --> 00:56:54,850
And it's a dirty lie to tell the people...

806
00:56:54,975 --> 00:56:57,811
... that if you're good, you stay,
and if you're bad, you run.

807
00:56:57,895 --> 00:57:01,565
Because she didn't stay!
Fuck it, man! She didn't stay!

808
00:57:01,899 --> 00:57:03,567
People don't stay.

809
00:57:04,651 --> 00:57:05,652
No.

810
00:57:06,153 --> 00:57:07,863
People don't stay.

811
00:57:11,283 --> 00:57:13,827
If a Protestant woman's son's marriage
went on the rocks...

812
00:57:13,911 --> 00:57:16,872
...and she moved
so she could help him raise the child...

813
00:57:16,914 --> 00:57:19,124
...would you call her a Protestant mother?

814
00:57:19,458 --> 00:57:23,921
- So I take it you moved to California?
- What else? I'm a Jewish mother.

815
00:57:26,632 --> 00:57:28,801
And Lenny went to work at Duffy's bar.

816
00:57:28,884 --> 00:57:31,845
Yeah. Duffy's was a strip joint
about a block from here.

817
00:58:09,883 --> 00:58:11,927
Let's hear it for Miss Cindy.

818
00:58:11,969 --> 00:58:14,304
Tits and ass on the carpet,
ladies and gentlemen.

819
00:58:14,388 --> 00:58:16,849
Come on, now, you degenerates.
Give her a hand.

820
00:58:17,015 --> 00:58:19,560
Lenny used to do a shtick
between strippers.

821
00:58:19,643 --> 00:58:23,480
- What kind of stick?
- No, "shtick," darling, "shtick."

822
00:58:23,897 --> 00:58:25,774
I just had a wild idea, man.

823
00:58:25,816 --> 00:58:28,193
You know how many asses
have been on this chair?

824
00:58:29,528 --> 00:58:32,322
Really, man,
there's been a lot of asses on this chair.

825
00:58:32,406 --> 00:58:34,450
We have no way of telling how many.

826
00:58:34,658 --> 00:58:37,161
But lions and tigers know, right?

827
00:58:37,494 --> 00:58:39,413
That's why, when Frank Buck goes...

828
00:58:40,038 --> 00:58:41,123
... they go...

829
00:58:46,545 --> 00:58:48,213
Am I glad that you're here tonight.

830
00:58:48,297 --> 00:58:52,301
All right, I think you've had enough
of the humorous side of our show...

831
00:58:52,468 --> 00:58:55,220
... so let's welcome
one of the favorites in this club...

832
00:58:55,304 --> 00:58:58,265
... Miss Baby Babylon
and her traveling rash.

833
00:59:04,229 --> 00:59:05,898
No, man! My answer is no!

834
00:59:05,981 --> 00:59:08,358
- Come on, Lenny.
- No, I really dig it here...

835
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:11,487
...'cause I can say anything I want, man!
Nobody's listening.

836
00:59:11,612 --> 00:59:14,323
What happens if
I could get you $750 a week.

837
00:59:14,573 --> 00:59:15,657
$750?

838
00:59:16,158 --> 00:59:19,495
- Get out of here!
- What would they pay him $750 for?

839
00:59:19,536 --> 00:59:21,538
To say anything that comes into his head!

840
00:59:21,622 --> 00:59:23,165
- What're those?
- M&Ms.

841
00:59:23,248 --> 00:59:24,833
- They dig you.
- How do you know?

842
00:59:24,917 --> 00:59:28,003
They were here last week.
They think you'll become an "in" thing.

843
00:59:28,045 --> 00:59:30,923
- Lenny, an "in" thing?
- Let me call them!

844
00:59:31,006 --> 00:59:33,550
- I don't have to do mother-in-law jokes?
- No.

845
00:59:33,634 --> 00:59:35,177
- No Max Factors?
- Nothing.

846
00:59:35,260 --> 00:59:38,305
- No tuxedos?
- You can go on bare-assed if you want.

847
00:59:39,890 --> 00:59:41,642
- No.
- Come on, please!

848
00:59:41,725 --> 00:59:43,060
Lenny, I need the money!

849
00:59:43,143 --> 00:59:47,022
- My final answer is no!
- Artie, he's right. Now, Lenny's right.

850
00:59:47,481 --> 00:59:49,358
He's better off in this toilet...

851
00:59:49,399 --> 00:59:51,944
...where he can crack up
four musicians at $90 a week.

852
00:59:52,027 --> 00:59:55,239
- Now, he should stay here.
- Yeah, she's right. Call them.

853
00:59:55,697 --> 00:59:58,700
- No, I don't feel like it.
- Come on, I need the money!

854
00:59:58,742 --> 01:00:02,204
- No. You had your chance.
- Artie, I want to be a star!

855
01:00:02,287 --> 01:00:03,831
- No.
- Please call 'em.

856
01:00:04,248 --> 01:00:06,333
- All right, I'll call them.
- Thanks.

857
01:00:08,293 --> 01:00:11,922
Here, sweetheart.
I used to work in a post office.

858
01:00:16,135 --> 01:00:19,680
Let's hear it for Miss Baby Babylon
and her bobbling boobies!

859
01:00:20,472 --> 01:00:22,558
Let's give a nice big welcome...

860
01:00:22,641 --> 01:00:25,727
... to Miss Wanda and her bird.

861
01:00:26,437 --> 01:00:28,522
No! That was last week.

862
01:00:28,981 --> 01:00:31,734
You're gonna love this
next lovely young lady.

863
01:00:31,942 --> 01:00:33,026
Let's welcome her...

864
01:00:33,110 --> 01:00:35,529
... because she'll thrill ya
down to your thriller.

865
01:00:35,612 --> 01:00:38,991
Ladies and gentlemen,
whatever her name is, a big hand.

866
01:00:39,074 --> 01:00:40,159
Let's hear it.

867
01:00:41,410 --> 01:00:43,078
And I bid you all farewell.

868
01:00:43,287 --> 01:00:45,998
I'm leaving this toilet
to go on and become a big star.

869
01:00:46,081 --> 01:00:47,040
Yeah.

870
01:00:50,961 --> 01:00:54,089
Therefore,
pursuant to the power vested in me...

871
01:00:54,173 --> 01:00:56,300
...by the territory of Hawaii...

872
01:00:56,925 --> 01:00:59,428
...I hereby sentence you to be confined...

873
01:00:59,803 --> 01:01:04,266
...to the Women's Correctional Institution,
Terminal Island, California...

874
01:01:04,975 --> 01:01:07,644
...for a period of not less than 24 months.

875
01:01:09,313 --> 01:01:12,816
He stopped doing
that crappy imitation stuff...

876
01:01:12,900 --> 01:01:15,444
...and he started to improvise.

877
01:01:16,487 --> 01:01:17,821
All right.

878
01:01:19,364 --> 01:01:21,867
- Who else can we talk about?
- Eisenhower!

879
01:01:22,785 --> 01:01:24,411
Eisenhower.

880
01:01:25,037 --> 01:01:26,371
All right.

881
01:01:26,747 --> 01:01:29,583
You students gotta stop
bugging him about the bomb.

882
01:01:29,875 --> 01:01:32,211
He doesn't even know
where they keep the bomb.

883
01:01:33,796 --> 01:01:35,798
Actually, it's not a bomb.

884
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:38,300
It's a button.

885
01:01:38,550 --> 01:01:41,220
A button on the fly
of a Cub Scout somewhere.

886
01:01:42,513 --> 01:01:45,015
And one day,
the whole world is gonna go up, man...

887
01:01:45,099 --> 01:01:47,226
... because of one faggot scoutmaster.

888
01:01:52,022 --> 01:01:55,234
I really dig what they do
with homosexuals in this country, man.

889
01:01:55,442 --> 01:01:59,196
They put them in prison
with a lot of other men.

890
01:02:00,823 --> 01:02:02,491
That's really good punishment.

891
01:02:05,369 --> 01:02:07,246
Are there any niggers here tonight?

892
01:02:11,125 --> 01:02:14,461
Turn on the house lights, please.
Could the waiters and waitresses...

893
01:02:14,545 --> 01:02:16,630
... just stop serving, just for a second?

894
01:02:16,713 --> 01:02:18,549
And turn off the spot.

895
01:02:18,757 --> 01:02:20,342
"Now, what did he say?

896
01:02:20,676 --> 01:02:23,095
"Are there any niggers here tonight?"

897
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:26,390
I know there's one nigger here.
I see him working.

898
01:02:27,224 --> 01:02:29,476
Let's see. There's two niggers.

899
01:02:29,726 --> 01:02:32,771
And between those two niggers,
sits a kike.

900
01:02:33,147 --> 01:02:36,483
And there's another kike.
That's two kikes and three niggers.

901
01:02:37,317 --> 01:02:39,319
And there's a spic, right?

902
01:02:42,322 --> 01:02:46,493
There's another spic.
There's a wop. There's a Polack.

903
01:02:46,577 --> 01:02:48,662
A couple of greaseballs.

904
01:02:49,788 --> 01:02:51,915
There's three lace-curtain Irish micks...

905
01:02:52,249 --> 01:02:54,877
... and there's one hip dick...

906
01:02:55,461 --> 01:02:58,714
... hunky funky boogie.

907
01:02:59,548 --> 01:03:01,049
Boogie boogie.

908
01:03:05,262 --> 01:03:09,683
I got three kikes here, do I hear five kikes?
I got five kikes. Do I hear six spics?

909
01:03:09,767 --> 01:03:12,728
I got six spics. Do I hear seven niggers?
I got seven niggers.

910
01:03:12,811 --> 01:03:14,313
Sold American!

911
01:03:14,438 --> 01:03:18,066
I'll pass with seven niggers,
six spics, five micks, four kikes...

912
01:03:18,150 --> 01:03:19,735
... three guineas and one wop.

913
01:03:19,943 --> 01:03:21,987
You almost punched me, didn't you?

914
01:03:22,863 --> 01:03:24,531
I was trying to make a point.

915
01:03:24,615 --> 01:03:26,867
It's the suppression of the word...

916
01:03:26,950 --> 01:03:30,537
... that gives it the power,
the violence, the viciousness.

917
01:03:31,038 --> 01:03:32,039
Dig.

918
01:03:32,122 --> 01:03:34,583
If President Kennedy
would just go on television...

919
01:03:35,125 --> 01:03:37,419
... and say, "I'd like to introduce you...

920
01:03:37,503 --> 01:03:40,172
"...to all the niggers in my cabinet."

921
01:03:40,464 --> 01:03:43,008
And if he'd just say,
"Nigger, nigger, nigger"...

922
01:03:43,092 --> 01:03:44,510
... to every nigger he saw.

923
01:03:44,593 --> 01:03:47,971
"Boogie, boogie, boogie.
Nigger, nigger, nigger..."

924
01:03:48,013 --> 01:03:50,390
... till "nigger" didn't
mean anything anymore...

925
01:03:50,641 --> 01:03:53,268
... then you'd never be able
to make some kid cry...

926
01:03:53,310 --> 01:03:55,813
... because somebody
called him a nigger in school.

927
01:04:01,485 --> 01:04:03,529
I am of Semitic background.

928
01:04:04,154 --> 01:04:05,114
I'm Jewish.

929
01:04:06,031 --> 01:04:08,450
Now, a Jew, dictionary-style...

930
01:04:08,492 --> 01:04:11,370
... is one who is descended
from one of the tribes of Judea...

931
01:04:11,453 --> 01:04:14,289
... or one regarded to have
descended from that tribe, but...

932
01:04:14,331 --> 01:04:18,419
... you and I know what a Jew really is.

933
01:04:18,961 --> 01:04:21,839
One who killed our Lord!

934
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:26,218
I don't know if that got press coverage
out here on the west coast...

935
01:04:26,301 --> 01:04:28,178
... because it happened 2,000 years ago.

936
01:04:28,220 --> 01:04:30,931
Although there should be
a statute of limitations...

937
01:04:31,014 --> 01:04:32,433
... we're still paying the dues.

938
01:04:32,766 --> 01:04:36,019
Why do you keep
busting our balls for this crime?

939
01:04:36,353 --> 01:04:39,189
"Why, Jew? Because you skirt the issue.

940
01:04:39,273 --> 01:04:40,983
"You blame it on Roman soldiers."

941
01:04:41,024 --> 01:04:43,819
I'm going to clear the air
once and for all and confess.

942
01:04:44,111 --> 01:04:46,238
We did it, my family, I did it.

943
01:04:48,073 --> 01:04:50,284
We found a note in the basement that said:

944
01:04:50,367 --> 01:04:53,120
"We killed him. Signed, Morty."

945
01:04:53,412 --> 01:04:55,664
It's a good thing we nailed him
when we did.

946
01:04:55,748 --> 01:04:58,709
Because if we had done it
within the last 50 years...

947
01:04:58,751 --> 01:05:01,545
... we'd have to contend with
parochial school kids...

948
01:05:01,628 --> 01:05:05,549
... running around with little electric chairs
hanging on their necks.

949
01:05:07,551 --> 01:05:09,845
- $1,000 a week?
- Yeah, that's right.

950
01:05:10,721 --> 01:05:13,348
No, no. We want, $1,300...

951
01:05:15,225 --> 01:05:17,686
- $1,500 a week minimum.
- $15?

952
01:05:17,770 --> 01:05:21,523
- Guaranteed against the percentage.
- Percentage? What percentage?

953
01:05:21,857 --> 01:05:23,734
- What percentage?
- "Yeah."

954
01:05:27,946 --> 01:05:30,032
- 20%?
- Get outta here. You kiddin'?

955
01:05:30,115 --> 01:05:34,119
- The guy's a fad, like hula hoops.
- I'm a fucking fad? 30%.

956
01:05:35,037 --> 01:05:40,459
Look, did I say 20%?
I really meant to say 30%.

957
01:05:40,709 --> 01:05:43,921
30%? I never paid an actor 30% in my life.

958
01:05:44,338 --> 01:05:46,882
You know Lenny. He's...

959
01:05:47,633 --> 01:05:48,717
...crazy.

960
01:05:48,759 --> 01:05:51,762
Crazy? What are you guys,
trying to screw me?

961
01:05:51,887 --> 01:05:53,889
30%? Just how crazy can he be?

962
01:05:53,931 --> 01:05:56,058
You pay me what I want,
or I don't show up.

963
01:05:56,141 --> 01:05:58,060
- Who is that?
- You pay Lenny what he wants.

964
01:05:58,102 --> 01:05:59,895
He don't go to work.

965
01:06:03,190 --> 01:06:04,900
What's going on?

966
01:06:04,942 --> 01:06:06,360
I'll call you back.

967
01:06:09,071 --> 01:06:12,241
No, man, that's a lot of bullshit, man.
I'm just a comic.

968
01:06:12,366 --> 01:06:14,076
But for a nightclub comic...

969
01:06:14,159 --> 01:06:17,621
...you certainly have a great deal
of social impact.

970
01:06:18,372 --> 01:06:19,915
No. Come on.

971
01:06:20,416 --> 01:06:22,960
True. And people say you feel...

972
01:06:23,210 --> 01:06:26,588
...an obligation to speak out on subjects
that would not normally...

973
01:06:26,672 --> 01:06:30,426
No, no, no. That's not it at all.
I'm just trying to make a buck.

974
01:06:31,468 --> 01:06:32,845
That's nice.

975
01:06:34,847 --> 01:06:37,391
- You want some yogurt?
- No, thank you.

976
01:06:37,474 --> 01:06:40,185
- It's good for you. It's healthy.
- That's good.

977
01:06:40,519 --> 01:06:42,855
You know what it is?
I really dig being up there.

978
01:06:42,938 --> 01:06:45,482
I want to recite a poem
in front of everybody.

979
01:06:45,566 --> 01:06:48,026
You just stand up,
and everybody listens to you.

980
01:06:48,485 --> 01:06:52,448
Your mother, your father,
they finally listen to you, man.

981
01:06:52,823 --> 01:06:55,617
And they don't chase you
out of the room, man.

982
01:06:56,243 --> 01:06:57,494
Yeah, come in.

983
01:06:57,995 --> 01:06:58,996
Hi.

984
01:06:59,246 --> 01:07:01,457
This is Artie Silver, my manager.

985
01:07:01,582 --> 01:07:04,251
This is... Sorry, I forgot your name.

986
01:07:06,170 --> 01:07:07,254
John Santi.

987
01:07:07,963 --> 01:07:11,091
Mr. Santi writes for "Time Magazine".

988
01:07:12,801 --> 01:07:14,178
Very good.

989
01:07:18,348 --> 01:07:21,226
Usually, I don't like doing interviews...

990
01:07:21,310 --> 01:07:24,188
...but I find you very interesting.

991
01:07:24,855 --> 01:07:27,483
"Sick comic Lenny Bruce...

992
01:07:27,858 --> 01:07:30,277
"...whose jokes about the president..."

993
01:07:30,402 --> 01:07:34,448
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
You know what's sick?

994
01:07:34,948 --> 01:07:39,369
Zsa Zsa Gabor will get $60,000 a week...

995
01:07:39,703 --> 01:07:41,663
... in Las Vegas, Nevada...

996
01:07:42,456 --> 01:07:46,293
... and schoolteachers' salaries in that state,
top salary...

997
01:07:46,376 --> 01:07:49,505
... is $6,000 a year. Now, that's really sick.

998
01:07:49,546 --> 01:07:53,509
And that's the kind of sick
I wish they would have written about.

999
01:07:56,220 --> 01:08:00,682
Or the fact that married guys
have to jack off more than anybody else.

1000
01:08:00,849 --> 01:08:03,727
It's true and it's really weird.
All over the country...

1001
01:08:03,769 --> 01:08:07,356
... thousands of guys
are lying on bathroom floors...

1002
01:08:07,397 --> 01:08:09,399
... whacking it off to Miss December...

1003
01:08:09,441 --> 01:08:12,111
... because the wife
don't want to touch it anymore.

1004
01:08:12,194 --> 01:08:16,323
You can't stop masturbating gradually.
You got to do it cold jerky.

1005
01:08:16,407 --> 01:08:18,534
"Wonder what" Time "is gonna say"
about that?

1006
01:08:18,659 --> 01:08:21,537
All right, how about some more
sick Lenny Bruce material?

1007
01:08:23,747 --> 01:08:25,124
Integration.

1008
01:08:30,587 --> 01:08:34,383
Actually, I do have some guilt
that I don't do enough for integration.

1009
01:08:37,219 --> 01:08:41,974
I try to do my bit,
but it just doesn't seem to be enough.

1010
01:08:42,266 --> 01:08:44,101
They asked me to make the marches.

1011
01:08:44,268 --> 01:08:47,646
But I couldn't make that scene
because it's always the same old crap...

1012
01:08:47,729 --> 01:08:51,066
... Ray Charles bumping
into little Stevie Wonder all day long.

1013
01:08:51,108 --> 01:08:52,985
I mean, it's the worst!

1014
01:08:54,445 --> 01:08:56,780
No, you don't have to applaud.

1015
01:08:57,573 --> 01:09:00,617
Really. It's weird.
It's enough that you're just listening.

1016
01:09:00,701 --> 01:09:04,163
You know, it's so strange,
I used to get fired for doing this.

1017
01:09:04,246 --> 01:09:07,249
And like,
now I'm getting a following, right?

1018
01:09:09,460 --> 01:09:10,878
Come on!

1019
01:09:12,212 --> 01:09:14,214
It's embarrassing!

1020
01:09:18,010 --> 01:09:20,471
Stop it! Come on!

1021
01:09:20,512 --> 01:09:23,432
I'm walking off if you don't stop right now.

1022
01:09:23,766 --> 01:09:26,602
I don't want any more applause.
No more love.

1023
01:09:26,643 --> 01:09:28,771
Why aren't you two standing?

1024
01:09:32,191 --> 01:09:36,528
You know, I've been thinking.
I mean, I am totally corrupt.

1025
01:09:36,820 --> 01:09:38,113
I mean, really.

1026
01:09:38,197 --> 01:09:40,949
My whole act,
my whole economic success...

1027
01:09:40,991 --> 01:09:42,284
... whatever that is...

1028
01:09:42,493 --> 01:09:45,954
... is based solely
on the existence of segregation...

1029
01:09:46,330 --> 01:09:49,792
... violence, despair, disease, and injustice.

1030
01:09:50,084 --> 01:09:54,755
And if, by some miracle,
the whole world were suddenly tranquil...

1031
01:09:55,047 --> 01:09:56,006
... pure...

1032
01:09:56,048 --> 01:09:59,051
... I'd be standing on
an unemployment line somewhere.

1033
01:09:59,176 --> 01:10:00,969
So you see, I'm not a moralist.

1034
01:10:01,053 --> 01:10:04,598
If I were, I'd be donating my salary
to those schoolteachers.

1035
01:10:04,807 --> 01:10:07,476
Right? I'm a hustler.
As long as they give, I'll grab.

1036
01:10:11,814 --> 01:10:14,817
While all of that was happening to him,
you were in prison.

1037
01:10:14,900 --> 01:10:15,901
Yeah.

1038
01:10:16,735 --> 01:10:18,362
Did he visit you?

1039
01:10:18,445 --> 01:10:22,032
Whenever he could.
And we wrote each other lots.

1040
01:10:22,699 --> 01:10:23,951
What kind of letters?

1041
01:10:24,034 --> 01:10:26,203
Here. I kept some of them.

1042
01:10:28,831 --> 01:10:30,416
Shit. They're here somewhere.

1043
01:10:30,666 --> 01:10:32,793
Anyway, they were about...

1044
01:10:33,710 --> 01:10:35,546
... how sorry we both were.

1045
01:10:36,046 --> 01:10:37,506
I don't know.

1046
01:10:37,881 --> 01:10:40,592
I guess I just never thought of us
as being divorced.

1047
01:10:47,433 --> 01:10:50,018
I got some terrific pictures of Kitty.

1048
01:10:50,269 --> 01:10:51,728
Are you ready?

1049
01:10:52,271 --> 01:10:54,022
You'll be surprised.

1050
01:10:56,108 --> 01:10:57,359
Come on.

1051
01:10:58,485 --> 01:11:00,487
She's getting so big.

1052
01:11:01,363 --> 01:11:02,489
Kitty on pony.

1053
01:11:03,198 --> 01:11:04,783
That's cute.

1054
01:11:06,368 --> 01:11:08,454
Kitty with stuffed lion and friends.

1055
01:11:09,329 --> 01:11:10,914
Who's the chick?

1056
01:11:11,582 --> 01:11:13,375
A friend of Artie's.

1057
01:11:14,585 --> 01:11:16,211
You believe that?

1058
01:11:16,670 --> 01:11:19,381
No. But thanks for trying.

1059
01:11:22,092 --> 01:11:25,512
Listen!
I got cited for meritorious behavior.

1060
01:11:25,763 --> 01:11:29,641
And that means if I'm good,
I get 67 days knocked off my time.

1061
01:11:33,103 --> 01:11:34,813
Can I see the album again?

1062
01:11:36,190 --> 01:11:37,274
Yeah.

1063
01:11:44,615 --> 01:11:46,909
Must be wonderful to be like a...

1064
01:11:47,618 --> 01:11:48,827
...star.

1065
01:11:53,040 --> 01:11:56,168
Something's been bothering me,
and I want to talk to you about it.

1066
01:11:56,251 --> 01:11:58,921
Did you read about the...

1067
01:11:58,962 --> 01:12:01,924
... the two schoolteachers
who were busted for homosexuality?

1068
01:12:02,633 --> 01:12:05,552
Okay, this is an editorial
from this morning's newspaper...

1069
01:12:05,636 --> 01:12:09,515
... and I'm quoting directly from it.
I'll just read the last sentence.

1070
01:12:09,848 --> 01:12:11,809
"And let us make certain...

1071
01:12:12,142 --> 01:12:14,603
"...that these sexual deviates...

1072
01:12:15,938 --> 01:12:19,399
"...are never allowed
inside a classroom again."

1073
01:12:19,608 --> 01:12:20,651
That's wrong.

1074
01:12:20,734 --> 01:12:23,278
First of all,
they were busted for doing something...

1075
01:12:23,320 --> 01:12:26,949
... 15 miles away from the school.
But what's more important...

1076
01:12:27,157 --> 01:12:30,536
... is that it came out at that trial
that they're damn good teachers.

1077
01:12:30,619 --> 01:12:34,081
And do you know how long it takes
to make a good teacher?

1078
01:12:34,164 --> 01:12:35,999
And I'll tell you something else.

1079
01:12:36,166 --> 01:12:39,503
There wasn't one incident reported
where a kid came home and said:

1080
01:12:39,586 --> 01:12:42,005
"Today in school
we had five minutes of geography...

1081
01:12:42,047 --> 01:12:44,508
"...and 10 minutes of cock sucking."

1082
01:12:47,970 --> 01:12:49,346
Lenny!

1083
01:12:50,681 --> 01:12:52,516
Man, what is that?

1084
01:12:53,392 --> 01:12:55,602
And that's what happened the first time.

1085
01:12:55,894 --> 01:12:59,148
Dirty Lenny said a dirty word,
"and they" schlepped "him away for it."

1086
01:12:59,940 --> 01:13:03,360
What makes you think you can say
a word like that in a public place?

1087
01:13:03,444 --> 01:13:06,238
What word is that? I said a lot of words.

1088
01:13:06,405 --> 01:13:09,241
You know what word I'm talking about.
It's against the law.

1089
01:13:10,117 --> 01:13:13,787
- I didn't do it, man. I just said it.
- Yeah?

1090
01:13:14,705 --> 01:13:19,084
If you ever said it in front of my wife
or kid, I'd punch you right out.

1091
01:13:21,587 --> 01:13:24,339
I really don't want to get
emotionally involved in this.

1092
01:13:31,054 --> 01:13:32,681
Empty your pockets.

1093
01:13:36,310 --> 01:13:37,519
Spread.

1094
01:13:50,324 --> 01:13:54,578
At first, I think he really enjoyed it.
You know, he got a lot of publicity.

1095
01:13:54,870 --> 01:13:56,914
I don't know whether he enjoyed it or not.

1096
01:13:56,997 --> 01:13:59,208
Enjoyed it? Hell, no.

1097
01:14:00,250 --> 01:14:01,960
He was obsessed with it.

1098
01:14:02,211 --> 01:14:06,548
Toward the end, he wouldn't do any bits.
He wouldn't do any jokes.

1099
01:14:06,882 --> 01:14:10,886
He wanted to go out there every night
and read from the transcripts of his trials.

1100
01:14:10,928 --> 01:14:14,056
My first trial was in San Francisco
in front of a judge. No jury.

1101
01:14:14,223 --> 01:14:17,726
The judge was really distinguished looking.
He looked like a movie judge.

1102
01:14:18,018 --> 01:14:19,478
Like Andy Hardy's father.

1103
01:14:19,561 --> 01:14:22,147
So I said,
"That's cool. He'll be fair and kindly."

1104
01:14:22,231 --> 01:14:26,110
Your Honor, if I just might interject,
even if there were minors present...

1105
01:14:26,151 --> 01:14:30,697
...I don't think that I said anything
that would have done them any harm.

1106
01:14:33,283 --> 01:14:37,287
Young man, I think you'd better
let your attorney try this case.

1107
01:14:37,746 --> 01:14:42,126
Now, as far as I'm concerned,
I'm ready to find you guilty right now.

1108
01:14:43,752 --> 01:14:47,172
However, I will grant a continuance,
as you have requested.

1109
01:14:47,464 --> 01:14:48,549
Thank you, sir.

1110
01:14:48,715 --> 01:14:52,928
Now, it's my understanding
that he has a performance on...

1111
01:14:54,138 --> 01:14:55,139
Saturday.

1112
01:14:55,305 --> 01:14:56,765
- Saturday.
- Yes, sir.

1113
01:14:56,974 --> 01:14:59,518
I want to caution you right now,
young man...

1114
01:14:59,726 --> 01:15:03,605
...that if I get a report that you have
repeated any of this language...

1115
01:15:03,814 --> 01:15:07,109
...any of these words,
you'll take the consequences.

1116
01:15:07,401 --> 01:15:08,485
Is that clear?

1117
01:15:08,694 --> 01:15:10,404
If I repeat what words?

1118
01:15:10,654 --> 01:15:12,906
It's all right. If I repeat...

1119
01:15:13,532 --> 01:15:15,200
...what words specifically?

1120
01:15:15,284 --> 01:15:17,578
You say anything that is obscene...

1121
01:15:17,661 --> 01:15:20,998
...and I'll take that into consideration
when I dispose of the case.

1122
01:15:21,123 --> 01:15:22,207
Court adjourned!

1123
01:15:50,110 --> 01:15:51,570
Thank you very much.

1124
01:15:51,653 --> 01:15:54,656
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Lenny Bruce!

1125
01:16:09,213 --> 01:16:12,091
Bless you. Bless you. Bless you.

1126
01:16:13,217 --> 01:16:14,885
That's because you're good.

1127
01:16:16,386 --> 01:16:18,222
Look at that!

1128
01:16:18,305 --> 01:16:20,516
We seem to have some company
here tonight.

1129
01:16:20,599 --> 01:16:24,561
Listen, could you throw the spotlight
over there against the wine chest?

1130
01:16:24,645 --> 01:16:28,857
I'd like to welcome some friends.
I think they're here. Yes, there they are.

1131
01:16:28,982 --> 01:16:31,402
Good evening, fellas. Hi, guys.

1132
01:16:32,486 --> 01:16:33,737
It's Mount Rushmore.

1133
01:16:35,447 --> 01:16:37,866
Can we throw the spot
on the other wall there?

1134
01:16:37,908 --> 01:16:40,369
I think I spot two. I'm not sure.

1135
01:16:40,577 --> 01:16:42,538
Yes. There they are!

1136
01:16:43,330 --> 01:16:45,416
Hi, Mickey. How's the family?

1137
01:16:46,250 --> 01:16:47,251
Okay.

1138
01:16:50,254 --> 01:16:52,756
Have you ever seen
so much blue in all your life?

1139
01:16:53,715 --> 01:16:57,094
I seem to be under a little pressure
here tonight to cool my act.

1140
01:16:57,177 --> 01:16:59,012
I don't know how many of you know...

1141
01:16:59,096 --> 01:17:02,724
... but I was arrested, busted,
here on this stage a few nights ago...

1142
01:17:02,808 --> 01:17:04,309
... for saying... No.

1143
01:17:05,894 --> 01:17:07,729
I'm not gonna say it.

1144
01:17:07,771 --> 01:17:12,568
Let's see, it's an 11-letter word.
It starts with a "C" and ends with a "G."

1145
01:17:14,862 --> 01:17:19,032
And it was used in the context
of defending a certain homosexual practice.

1146
01:17:19,283 --> 01:17:23,203
Actually, though,
I don't relate it only to homosexuals...

1147
01:17:25,247 --> 01:17:27,958
I relate it
to any contemporary woman I know!

1148
01:17:28,333 --> 01:17:29,585
Yeah...

1149
01:17:30,043 --> 01:17:33,714
... would know or love or marry,
and I'm sure you do, too, if you're honest.

1150
01:17:34,423 --> 01:17:37,092
Okay, I'd like to ask you all
a few questions now.

1151
01:17:37,509 --> 01:17:41,638
And you're all under oath, all of you,
even standing room only.

1152
01:17:44,892 --> 01:17:49,104
How many people in this club here tonight
have ever used that word...

1153
01:17:50,981 --> 01:17:52,608
... blah, blah, blah?

1154
01:17:53,108 --> 01:17:55,652
Don't be shy. You can raise your hands.

1155
01:17:55,986 --> 01:17:58,781
That's cool. Now let's get really honest.

1156
01:17:59,281 --> 01:18:02,201
You, sir,
have you ever had your blah blahed?

1157
01:18:05,913 --> 01:18:08,457
It's either yes or no,
there's no two ways about it.

1158
01:18:08,540 --> 01:18:12,836
Okay, how many men in this room
have ever had their blah blahed?

1159
01:18:13,962 --> 01:18:15,589
Raise your hands.

1160
01:18:17,508 --> 01:18:20,010
Come on, officers. Now, you're under oath.

1161
01:18:20,886 --> 01:18:24,389
All right, keep your hands raised.
How many men in this room...

1162
01:18:24,515 --> 01:18:25,974
... have ever blahed a blah?

1163
01:18:27,893 --> 01:18:30,270
Somebody's not telling the truth.

1164
01:18:30,729 --> 01:18:33,732
Okay, ma'am, tell me,
have you ever blahed a blah?

1165
01:18:34,942 --> 01:18:37,152
That's so sweet.
The officers couldn't see it...

1166
01:18:37,236 --> 01:18:39,822
... but she went like this,
and he went like this.

1167
01:18:39,863 --> 01:18:43,033
This time, the whole audience
"gets" schlepped "away, right?"

1168
01:18:46,495 --> 01:18:49,540
This is the dirtiest show
I've ever done in my life!

1169
01:18:50,833 --> 01:18:52,501
This is really filth.

1170
01:18:54,294 --> 01:18:57,589
If there's anyone in this room
who has not found this obscene...

1171
01:18:57,673 --> 01:19:00,843
... then I hope you never get
your blah blahed again.

1172
01:19:00,926 --> 01:19:04,388
That's my entire show for tonight,
thank you and good night.

1173
01:19:11,770 --> 01:19:14,189
Kindly Andy Hardy's father found me guilty.

1174
01:19:14,398 --> 01:19:17,276
One year in jail and $1,000 fine.

1175
01:19:18,694 --> 01:19:21,864
Do you know what we did?
"We made a motion for a trial" de novo.

1176
01:19:21,989 --> 01:19:26,201
We wanted a jury trial, figuring that
12 average members of the community...

1177
01:19:26,243 --> 01:19:30,372
... could better determine what was
obscene as opposed to one judge.

1178
01:19:31,039 --> 01:19:32,124
Here is a guy...

1179
01:19:32,708 --> 01:19:36,628
...that never got past the ninth grade.
At the age of 36, he turns around...

1180
01:19:36,712 --> 01:19:38,464
... he decides to become a lawyer.

1181
01:19:38,547 --> 01:19:41,717
And I mean,
he drove his friends nuts with it...

1182
01:19:41,800 --> 01:19:43,761
... collecting old law books...

1183
01:19:44,094 --> 01:19:47,014
... case numbers,
newspaper clippings, you name it.

1184
01:19:47,097 --> 01:19:48,098
And tape.

1185
01:19:48,182 --> 01:19:50,350
He started taping everything.

1186
01:19:50,726 --> 01:19:55,022
He spent $63,000 for tape recordings...

1187
01:19:55,105 --> 01:19:57,232
... tape equipment, engineers.

1188
01:19:57,608 --> 01:20:00,194
He even hired a guy
to record his own trials.

1189
01:20:00,444 --> 01:20:04,573
Officer Ryan, were you sexually stimulated
by Mr. Bruce's performance?

1190
01:20:04,656 --> 01:20:07,618
Irrelevant and immaterial,
especially asked to this officer.

1191
01:20:07,659 --> 01:20:08,744
Overruled.

1192
01:20:09,119 --> 01:20:10,204
No, sir.

1193
01:20:10,287 --> 01:20:13,957
Officer Ryan, have you ever used
the word "cocksucker"?

1194
01:20:15,125 --> 01:20:17,211
Not to my knowledge,
that I can remember.

1195
01:20:17,419 --> 01:20:20,839
You are quite familiar with the term
"cocksucker" are you not?

1196
01:20:20,923 --> 01:20:22,299
I've heard it used, yes.

1197
01:20:22,382 --> 01:20:24,593
As a matter of fact,
the word "cocksucker"...

1198
01:20:24,635 --> 01:20:27,638
...is frequently heard
in a police station, is it not?

1199
01:20:27,846 --> 01:20:30,432
That's irrelevant
and not germane to the issue.

1200
01:20:30,474 --> 01:20:32,267
The objection is overruled.

1201
01:20:33,644 --> 01:20:35,646
You may answer, Officer.

1202
01:20:35,979 --> 01:20:38,607
Could I hear the question again, please?

1203
01:20:40,818 --> 01:20:42,903
"As a matter of fact,
the word 'cocksucker'...

1204
01:20:42,986 --> 01:20:45,697
"...is frequently heard in a police station,
is it not?"

1205
01:20:49,952 --> 01:20:51,703
I have heard it used, yes.

1206
01:20:51,787 --> 01:20:55,582
Yes, you have heard the word
"cocksucker"...

1207
01:20:55,791 --> 01:20:58,961
...used in a police station,
which is a public place.

1208
01:20:59,795 --> 01:21:01,964
I think you're all getting off on that word.

1209
01:21:02,589 --> 01:21:07,261
You see, Lenny Bruce's satire is related
to the kind of social satire to be found...

1210
01:21:07,344 --> 01:21:09,805
...in the works of Aristophanes,
Jonathan Swift...

1211
01:21:09,888 --> 01:21:13,434
Your Honor,
Aristophanes is not testifying here.

1212
01:21:13,517 --> 01:21:15,978
I don't see how he really could.

1213
01:21:21,942 --> 01:21:25,946
Reverend Mooney, could you give the jury
a brief summary of your background...

1214
01:21:26,029 --> 01:21:27,865
...in the field of higher education?

1215
01:21:28,365 --> 01:21:29,366
Yes.

1216
01:21:29,742 --> 01:21:34,204
I have been a professor of theology
for almost 12 years now.

1217
01:21:34,496 --> 01:21:36,373
Could you speak a little louder?

1218
01:21:37,499 --> 01:21:38,417
Yes.

1219
01:21:38,500 --> 01:21:43,380
I taught at Boston University
for three years...

1220
01:21:44,131 --> 01:21:46,550
...Northwestern University for two years...

1221
01:21:46,925 --> 01:21:51,472
...then UCLA for three years more,
and I am now at Berkeley.

1222
01:21:53,182 --> 01:21:55,309
This poor schmuck can't hold a job.

1223
01:21:55,392 --> 01:21:58,520
Reverend Mooney, how would you
characterize Mr. Bruce's work?

1224
01:22:02,149 --> 01:22:04,902
I think that Lenny has a message
to convey.

1225
01:22:04,985 --> 01:22:08,655
Now it's my turn.
Would you speak louder, please, Reverend?

1226
01:22:09,823 --> 01:22:13,660
Yes. He has a message to convey.

1227
01:22:13,994 --> 01:22:16,163
And he is honest and sincere about it.

1228
01:22:16,538 --> 01:22:18,582
And the message is, I believe...

1229
01:22:18,999 --> 01:22:21,585
...to expose and hold up...

1230
01:22:21,752 --> 01:22:25,672
...American society
so they can really see themselves.

1231
01:22:25,756 --> 01:22:28,050
Your honor, I cannot hear the witness.

1232
01:22:28,217 --> 01:22:29,384
Reverend?

1233
01:22:30,094 --> 01:22:31,136
I'm sorry.

1234
01:22:32,554 --> 01:22:37,351
He uses words as weapons
to hit people over the head with...

1235
01:22:38,102 --> 01:22:41,146
...to make them recognize
that they are being hypocritical...

1236
01:22:41,271 --> 01:22:43,899
...in every phase of their lives.

1237
01:22:44,608 --> 01:22:47,736
Words are his tools, and he uses them...

1238
01:22:50,322 --> 01:22:52,074
Order. Order. Order.

1239
01:22:52,116 --> 01:22:54,410
Spectators will be seated.
Order in the court.

1240
01:22:55,119 --> 01:22:56,120
Mr. Bruce...

1241
01:22:56,203 --> 01:22:58,747
What was the nature of this chant?

1242
01:23:00,165 --> 01:23:04,086
It was supposed to be talk
between a man and a woman who were...

1243
01:23:05,546 --> 01:23:09,883
...involved in the act of copulation.

1244
01:23:11,427 --> 01:23:13,429
"To" is a preposition.

1245
01:23:13,470 --> 01:23:15,389
"Come" is a verb.

1246
01:23:15,472 --> 01:23:18,892
"To" is a preposition. "Come" is a verb.

1247
01:23:18,976 --> 01:23:21,270
The verb intransitive, "to come."

1248
01:23:22,354 --> 01:23:24,314
I've heard these two words my whole life...

1249
01:23:24,398 --> 01:23:26,984
... and as a kid,
when they thought I was sleeping.

1250
01:23:27,067 --> 01:23:29,611
It's been like a big drum solo.
"Did you come?

1251
01:23:29,695 --> 01:23:32,156
"Did you come? Good.
Did you come good?

1252
01:23:32,364 --> 01:23:34,116
"Did you come good?

1253
01:23:40,664 --> 01:23:45,127
"I come better with you, sweetheart,
than anyone in the whole damn world."

1254
01:23:46,670 --> 01:23:48,714
"But don't come in me.

1255
01:23:49,840 --> 01:23:51,467
"Don't come in me.

1256
01:23:52,176 --> 01:23:53,844
"Don't come in me, in me."

1257
01:23:57,598 --> 01:24:00,809
"I can't come. Don't ask me."

1258
01:24:01,185 --> 01:24:03,979
"You don't love me.
That's why you can't come."

1259
01:24:04,354 --> 01:24:07,316
"I love you.
I just can't come. That's my hang-up.

1260
01:24:07,357 --> 01:24:09,401
"I can't come, and I'm loaded."

1261
01:24:09,485 --> 01:24:10,778
"'Cause you don't love me."

1262
01:24:10,861 --> 01:24:14,114
"What is the matter with you"
What has that got to do with it?

1263
01:24:14,198 --> 01:24:16,450
"I just can't come, that's all."

1264
01:24:16,784 --> 01:24:19,703
Now, if anyone in this room or the world...

1265
01:24:20,329 --> 01:24:22,956
... finds those two words obscene...

1266
01:24:23,290 --> 01:24:25,125
... indecent, immoral...

1267
01:24:25,542 --> 01:24:27,669
... you probably can't come.

1268
01:24:29,880 --> 01:24:33,675
Mr. Bruce, you're smiling,
and this is not for your entertainment.

1269
01:24:33,759 --> 01:24:36,637
Now, I don't know if what I've heard
is legally obscene...

1270
01:24:36,720 --> 01:24:38,514
Your Honor, do you believe in God?

1271
01:24:38,847 --> 01:24:41,517
- Bailiff!
- A God that made your body?

1272
01:24:41,600 --> 01:24:44,186
If you believe there is a God
that made your body...

1273
01:24:44,228 --> 01:24:46,814
... then why do you tell little children
to cover up?

1274
01:24:46,897 --> 01:24:49,108
That the body's dirty,
the titties are vulgar?

1275
01:24:49,191 --> 01:24:50,192
God, what a bore.

1276
01:24:50,275 --> 01:24:53,987
Because if the body is dirty,
then the fault lies with the manufacturer...

1277
01:24:54,113 --> 01:24:56,698
"... and you gotta" schlep "God into court"
along with me.

1278
01:24:57,116 --> 01:25:00,327
The defendant is charged
with violating Section 311.6...

1279
01:25:00,411 --> 01:25:03,205
...of the California penal code,
which provides:

1280
01:25:03,372 --> 01:25:06,625
"Any person who knowingly
speaks any obscene song, ballad...

1281
01:25:06,708 --> 01:25:10,712
"...or other words in a public place
is guilty of a misdemeanor."

1282
01:25:11,171 --> 01:25:13,924
Now, "obscene" means,
to the average person...

1283
01:25:14,258 --> 01:25:17,511
...applying contemporary
standards of the community...

1284
01:25:17,719 --> 01:25:22,224
...the dominant appeal of the matter
being to arouse a prurient interest...

1285
01:25:22,307 --> 01:25:25,394
...which is a morbid
or shameful interest in nudity...

1286
01:25:25,477 --> 01:25:27,229
...or sex, or excretion...

1287
01:25:27,604 --> 01:25:30,482
...which goes beyond the limits
of such matters...

1288
01:25:30,649 --> 01:25:34,403
...and is matter utterly without
redeeming social importance.

1289
01:25:34,945 --> 01:25:39,074
Now, sex and obscenity
are not synonymous.

1290
01:25:39,116 --> 01:25:41,160
In order to make sex obscene...

1291
01:25:41,243 --> 01:25:45,038
...it is necessary that the portrayal of it
must be done in such a way...

1292
01:25:45,122 --> 01:25:48,751
...that its dominant tendency is
to corrupt the average adult...

1293
01:25:48,959 --> 01:25:52,921
...by creating a clear and present danger...

1294
01:25:52,963 --> 01:25:54,506
...of antisocial behavior.

1295
01:25:54,715 --> 01:25:58,260
In other words, man,
some cat will see my show, get horny...

1296
01:25:58,302 --> 01:26:01,054
... run off to a museum,
and jerk off a dinosaur.

1297
01:26:01,472 --> 01:26:03,682
"We the jury find the defendant,
Lenny Bruce...

1298
01:26:03,766 --> 01:26:06,477
"...not guilty of violation of section 311.6...

1299
01:26:06,560 --> 01:26:09,354
"...of the penal code
of the state of California, to wit:

1300
01:26:09,438 --> 01:26:13,358
"Speaking or singing obscene words
or ballads in a public place."

1301
01:26:15,486 --> 01:26:17,654
You mentioned possibly you could get...

1302
01:26:17,738 --> 01:26:20,449
... six months off that jail sentence.
Did that happen?

1303
01:26:20,491 --> 01:26:24,078
No, I got in some trouble,
so I had to serve my full time.

1304
01:26:24,161 --> 01:26:25,954
What kind of trouble?

1305
01:26:26,580 --> 01:26:28,707
I just did something crazy.

1306
01:26:29,958 --> 01:26:32,628
- You don't want to tell me about it?
- No.

1307
01:26:34,963 --> 01:26:37,966
- Anyway, finally you did get out.
- Yeah.

1308
01:26:38,175 --> 01:26:41,261
They give you a lot
of speeches about rehabilitation...

1309
01:26:41,345 --> 01:26:45,974
... they lay a little bread on you,
they try to help you, and then...

1310
01:26:46,308 --> 01:26:49,019
- Good luck, dear.
- Thank you.

1311
01:26:49,228 --> 01:26:50,938
They drop you on the sidewalk.

1312
01:27:24,763 --> 01:27:28,308
The verdict had nothing to do with justice.
Remember that lady?

1313
01:27:28,392 --> 01:27:31,019
The one with the little hat
and the twitchy mouth?

1314
01:27:31,228 --> 01:27:34,565
Right. We got in the jury room,
and she started bitching.

1315
01:27:34,648 --> 01:27:35,941
"He's guilty, guilty."

1316
01:27:36,024 --> 01:27:38,360
All of a sudden, "All right, he's not guilty."

1317
01:27:38,402 --> 01:27:39,695
How come?

1318
01:27:39,862 --> 01:27:41,071
She was a lush.

1319
01:27:41,697 --> 01:27:45,617
- She had to get out of there to get a drink?
- Right. I was saved by Gallo wine.

1320
01:27:45,909 --> 01:27:47,786
Who cares, man? You beat it.

1321
01:27:47,911 --> 01:27:51,373
I know, but I wanted to win it
on the First Amendment.

1322
01:27:53,500 --> 01:27:54,877
I love you.

1323
01:27:56,670 --> 01:27:58,088
Was I happy.

1324
01:27:58,756 --> 01:28:00,257
I think he was, too.

1325
01:28:01,133 --> 01:28:03,260
He was making a lot of bread.

1326
01:28:03,761 --> 01:28:07,014
You see, after the San Francisco trial
and all that publicity...

1327
01:28:07,097 --> 01:28:09,183
... everybody wanted to see him.

1328
01:28:09,266 --> 01:28:12,227
There were the semi-hip
playboy-type people...

1329
01:28:12,311 --> 01:28:14,146
... who thought it was in to dig him.

1330
01:28:14,229 --> 01:28:17,566
And then there were the people
who really loved Lenny.

1331
01:28:17,858 --> 01:28:19,443
You really are the truth.

1332
01:28:22,738 --> 01:28:24,114
She's a nut.

1333
01:28:25,699 --> 01:28:26,784
But she's right.

1334
01:28:26,867 --> 01:28:29,411
All of a sudden,
he starts coming on like a rabbi.

1335
01:28:29,453 --> 01:28:33,082
I used to kid him about it,
I'd call him the "meshuggenah" messiah.

1336
01:28:33,165 --> 01:28:35,834
But I'm not anti-Christ or anti-religion.

1337
01:28:36,460 --> 01:28:38,962
I think it's encouraging
that lots of people...

1338
01:28:39,046 --> 01:28:41,548
... are leaving the church
and going back to God.

1339
01:28:41,632 --> 01:28:44,426
He was putting everybody down.
He put the Pope down.

1340
01:28:44,510 --> 01:28:46,804
I mean, he even went after Kennedy.

1341
01:28:46,970 --> 01:28:50,808
Because also, a lot of people just came
to see if he might get arrested.

1342
01:28:50,891 --> 01:28:53,769
Absolutely. Right on, right on.

1343
01:28:54,478 --> 01:28:59,108
You were with him when he was arrested
in Los Angeles and Chicago, is that right?

1344
01:29:00,317 --> 01:29:01,777
What's the matter?

1345
01:29:05,280 --> 01:29:08,826
It's like that lady alcoholic
in "I'll Cry Tomorrow".

1346
01:29:09,493 --> 01:29:10,702
Lillian Roth?

1347
01:29:10,786 --> 01:29:12,454
No, Susan Hayward.

1348
01:29:14,289 --> 01:29:16,291
See, junkies think, like:

1349
01:29:17,668 --> 01:29:19,420
"I'll kick tomorrow."

1350
01:29:19,503 --> 01:29:22,339
And it was the same thing with me.

1351
01:29:24,633 --> 01:29:25,968
But...

1352
01:29:26,844 --> 01:29:28,429
...tomorrow just...

1353
01:29:30,848 --> 01:29:34,893
Follow the dots
down the yellow brick road.

1354
01:29:34,977 --> 01:29:36,311
Goddamn it!

1355
01:29:36,520 --> 01:29:40,065
He was just fine
until you had to be schlepped into it again.

1356
01:29:40,357 --> 01:29:43,110
Okay. I'll kill myself.

1357
01:29:46,739 --> 01:29:49,533
Lenny was deep into drugs himself,
though, wasn't he?

1358
01:29:50,492 --> 01:29:53,495
You're really cute, aren't you?
You want me to say it.

1359
01:29:53,620 --> 01:29:57,458
Monogram Pictures presents
"Rotten Together"...

1360
01:29:58,041 --> 01:30:02,171
...starring Fay Wray and King Kong.

1361
01:30:02,379 --> 01:30:05,674
- You think it's funny!
- And King Kong's mother.

1362
01:30:06,300 --> 01:30:08,302
You two think you're so damned funny!

1363
01:30:13,432 --> 01:30:14,475
Well?

1364
01:30:14,558 --> 01:30:17,853
It's a waste of time.
The mercenary old bitch won't budge.

1365
01:30:17,936 --> 01:30:20,522
- She has to.
- Yeah, you try.

1366
01:30:22,608 --> 01:30:25,736
Listen, he's in no condition to go on.
You can't let him go on.

1367
01:30:25,819 --> 01:30:27,905
What do you want from me? Look at this.

1368
01:30:27,988 --> 01:30:31,033
At $5 a head,
you know what that would cost me?

1369
01:30:31,116 --> 01:30:34,036
If he gets busted out there,
it'll cost your liquor license.

1370
01:30:34,078 --> 01:30:35,329
I'll take my chances.

1371
01:30:35,412 --> 01:30:40,042
Lenny, you've got to be a good boy
and get up. Get on your feet.

1372
01:30:40,584 --> 01:30:43,629
Lenny, you can't get up.

1373
01:30:44,671 --> 01:30:47,758
Come on, Lenny, you got to get up.

1374
01:30:49,468 --> 01:30:51,470
I know you can do it, man.

1375
01:30:51,637 --> 01:30:54,223
They're waiting for you
to say something dirty.

1376
01:30:54,264 --> 01:30:57,851
- I'm no junkie.
- You can't disappoint the public.

1377
01:30:57,935 --> 01:30:59,978
There you go, Len.

1378
01:31:02,064 --> 01:31:03,398
That's it.

1379
01:31:05,609 --> 01:31:07,236
I'm proud of you.

1380
01:31:24,253 --> 01:31:26,088
There's the city heat.

1381
01:31:26,630 --> 01:31:28,632
There's the county heat.

1382
01:31:29,967 --> 01:31:31,635
There's the state heat.

1383
01:31:31,927 --> 01:31:35,889
And I even think I see
two cats from Interpol, man.

1384
01:31:38,475 --> 01:31:40,936
And I know I saw four Mounties, man.

1385
01:32:01,665 --> 01:32:04,251
Ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Bruce.

1386
01:32:05,794 --> 01:32:07,129
Super Jew!

1387
01:32:28,901 --> 01:32:33,072
The ecumenical council has given the Pope
permission to become a nun...

1388
01:32:34,907 --> 01:32:36,658
... but only on Fridays.

1389
01:32:40,496 --> 01:32:41,622
What?

1390
01:32:41,997 --> 01:32:43,373
What's that?

1391
01:32:44,333 --> 01:32:46,210
King Kong is ready now?

1392
01:32:47,211 --> 01:32:49,088
He's almost ready.

1393
01:32:49,880 --> 01:32:52,800
We're going to have King
for the second show.

1394
01:32:53,300 --> 01:32:58,055
I got to warn you photographers
not to take any flashbulbs.

1395
01:32:58,138 --> 01:32:59,848
Cool it with the flash bulbs...

1396
01:33:00,015 --> 01:33:03,435
... because otherwise, King gets
a little shitty, you know?

1397
01:33:05,854 --> 01:33:08,190
Just give him...

1398
01:33:10,067 --> 01:33:13,695
... a building to play with
or a airplane to squeeze...

1399
01:33:13,737 --> 01:33:16,824
... and he'll be all right.

1400
01:33:19,243 --> 01:33:20,744
Where the fuck was I?

1401
01:33:36,802 --> 01:33:38,554
You know, it's really wild, man.

1402
01:33:38,679 --> 01:33:41,056
Because the judge
can get away with that, man.

1403
01:33:41,098 --> 01:33:45,853
He sits up there, man,
just junked out of his head, man.

1404
01:33:45,936 --> 01:33:48,730
And he says,
"I'll take that under advisement."

1405
01:33:50,524 --> 01:33:53,235
Where was I, now?
Let me see, where was I?

1406
01:33:54,445 --> 01:33:57,906
I know what I want to do.
I know what I want to do.

1407
01:33:58,449 --> 01:34:01,452
I guess you're all wondering
why I'm wearing this raincoat.

1408
01:34:01,535 --> 01:34:05,289
Well, the reason that I'm
wearing this raincoat is, as you all know...

1409
01:34:05,372 --> 01:34:08,083
... I've been busted
the last few times for obscenity.

1410
01:34:08,125 --> 01:34:10,753
And the last time I was busted
was in Los Angeles...

1411
01:34:10,836 --> 01:34:12,755
... and I didn't have time to get my coat.

1412
01:34:12,796 --> 01:34:16,383
So now, since Chicago is a cold city...

1413
01:34:16,467 --> 01:34:18,427
... if they come, I'm ready.

1414
01:34:19,386 --> 01:34:21,764
And the heat,
the heat is here tonight, man.

1415
01:34:21,805 --> 01:34:24,016
The heat is here. Are there...

1416
01:34:24,099 --> 01:34:26,685
Are there any attorneys here tonight?

1417
01:34:26,977 --> 01:34:28,103
Where?

1418
01:34:28,479 --> 01:34:31,732
You are. Are you an attorney, man?
Really? Here.

1419
01:34:32,983 --> 01:34:35,110
Now you guys got it all, man.

1420
01:34:36,862 --> 01:34:38,405
That's it, man.

1421
01:34:46,371 --> 01:34:48,665
I know, I know.

1422
01:34:49,416 --> 01:34:51,543
I want to show you something.

1423
01:34:54,213 --> 01:34:56,173
I know what I want to show you.

1424
01:34:58,634 --> 01:35:00,302
You want to see...

1425
01:35:00,886 --> 01:35:04,098
You want to see a picture
of a really beautiful...

1426
01:35:04,389 --> 01:35:06,433
... pink-nippled lady?

1427
01:35:10,896 --> 01:35:14,066
She's my wife, man, and I gave her away.

1428
01:35:19,113 --> 01:35:20,656
Where are you going?

1429
01:35:20,739 --> 01:35:23,659
Wait a minute. Where you people going?

1430
01:35:24,159 --> 01:35:27,621
Come on, man.
I haven't even said "cocksucker" yet.

1431
01:35:30,290 --> 01:35:31,917
Let them go, man.

1432
01:35:32,334 --> 01:35:33,585
Let them go.

1433
01:35:37,548 --> 01:35:39,675
I can't work this shit out.

1434
01:35:41,510 --> 01:35:43,470
My stomach is killing me.

1435
01:35:47,975 --> 01:35:51,019
I know what I want to do.
I know what I want to do.

1436
01:35:51,562 --> 01:35:55,649
This is for you guys over there.
I read in the Chicago paper...

1437
01:35:55,941 --> 01:35:57,943
I read in the Chicago paper...

1438
01:35:58,110 --> 01:35:59,778
There's an article here...

1439
01:35:59,862 --> 01:36:02,906
... about these transvestites
who are posing as policemen.

1440
01:36:02,990 --> 01:36:06,326
In other words, they're police officers
dressing up as pretty ladies.

1441
01:36:06,410 --> 01:36:07,703
Here's Officer Dolan:

1442
01:36:07,786 --> 01:36:10,080
Stan, as the guys call him
down at the baths.

1443
01:36:10,164 --> 01:36:14,126
"Officer Stanley Dolan says
that the hardest part of police work...

1444
01:36:14,209 --> 01:36:17,254
"...was learning how to walk
in high heels," man.

1445
01:36:17,337 --> 01:36:19,131
And I think that's a gas, man.

1446
01:36:19,214 --> 01:36:22,468
You guys are so naive, man.

1447
01:36:22,593 --> 01:36:26,597
I defend you all the time,
but you're so naive.

1448
01:36:26,680 --> 01:36:30,058
You think the guy is going to grab you,
and you're gonna say:

1449
01:36:30,142 --> 01:36:34,021
"Okay, now, stop that.
You can't touch me.

1450
01:36:34,104 --> 01:36:35,564
"I'm not a beautiful woman.

1451
01:36:35,647 --> 01:36:38,734
"I'm a police officer,
and you're under arrest."

1452
01:36:39,943 --> 01:36:43,781
But you guys don't know
who you're dealing with, man.

1453
01:36:44,073 --> 01:36:45,532
They don't care.

1454
01:36:46,533 --> 01:36:50,454
They'll just grab you. And they'll say,
"I don't care if you are a cop.

1455
01:36:50,496 --> 01:36:54,083
"You got a cute ass,
"and I'm going to" shtup "you anyway."

1456
01:36:56,293 --> 01:36:58,003
It's not nice, man.

1457
01:37:01,548 --> 01:37:03,926
It's not nice to incite.

1458
01:37:04,885 --> 01:37:06,845
It's not nice to entrap.

1459
01:37:07,638 --> 01:37:11,058
It's not nice to exploit those people, man.

1460
01:37:11,266 --> 01:37:13,018
They're sick people.

1461
01:37:13,769 --> 01:37:17,648
You want to know what I'm talking about?
I'm talking about Vietnam.

1462
01:37:18,273 --> 01:37:19,650
It's like...

1463
01:37:26,990 --> 01:37:31,537
Catholicism:
It's like one big franchise, man.

1464
01:37:31,662 --> 01:37:34,832
It's like Howard Johnson's.

1465
01:37:35,290 --> 01:37:36,917
And Kennedy, man...

1466
01:37:38,460 --> 01:37:39,545
He...

1467
01:37:40,671 --> 01:37:43,966
No. No, man, no. He can't...

1468
01:37:44,716 --> 01:37:49,680
Man, I can't put together
what I'm trying to say.

1469
01:37:49,972 --> 01:37:52,474
And the thing that I'm trying to tell you...

1470
01:37:52,641 --> 01:37:55,519
... is it's harassment, man.

1471
01:37:56,353 --> 01:37:57,938
It's repression.

1472
01:37:59,731 --> 01:38:04,403
It's club owners being called up
in the middle of the night...

1473
01:38:04,486 --> 01:38:07,781
... and being told not to hire me...

1474
01:38:07,865 --> 01:38:10,826
... or they're gonna lose their liquor license!

1475
01:38:11,201 --> 01:38:15,998
It's Vietnam! It's atrocities here and there!

1476
01:38:44,526 --> 01:38:45,861
I'm sorry.

1477
01:38:52,034 --> 01:38:53,410
I'm not funny.

1478
01:39:00,334 --> 01:39:01,835
I'm not funny.

1479
01:39:20,270 --> 01:39:22,147
Listen to the ovation.

1480
01:39:28,153 --> 01:39:29,655
- Get that door.
- May I help you?

1481
01:39:29,738 --> 01:39:30,823
Get out of the way.

1482
01:39:30,906 --> 01:39:33,575
- Let's go, lady.
- Please, don't hurt him.

1483
01:39:35,452 --> 01:39:36,912
You take it easy with him.

1484
01:39:36,954 --> 01:39:40,707
This is America, Jim. You can't come
into my shit-house without a warrant.

1485
01:39:40,791 --> 01:39:42,126
I love you.

1486
01:39:43,293 --> 01:39:46,588
I was arrested 13 times in the next year.

1487
01:39:48,966 --> 01:39:50,467
I flipped out mentally.

1488
01:39:50,509 --> 01:39:53,095
I kept schlepping him
in and out of hospitals.

1489
01:39:53,220 --> 01:39:55,722
We were getting a lot of cancellations
and bad press.

1490
01:39:55,973 --> 01:39:57,850
I wound up in a hospital...

1491
01:39:58,809 --> 01:40:01,103
...in the psychiatric division...

1492
01:40:03,313 --> 01:40:04,940
...in a padded cell.

1493
01:40:05,482 --> 01:40:08,527
And then he got picked up
for possession of narcotics.

1494
01:40:08,777 --> 01:40:11,488
Now he's got to fight that in the courts,
too, right?

1495
01:40:11,989 --> 01:40:14,408
Then his health started to go bad.

1496
01:40:14,825 --> 01:40:16,118
- Rita?
- Yes, sir?

1497
01:40:16,201 --> 01:40:19,371
Will you change my barber appointment
to 3:15 tomorrow?

1498
01:40:19,455 --> 01:40:22,875
He had pleurisy,
and one lung had to be peeled three times.

1499
01:40:23,167 --> 01:40:24,877
And finally it collapsed.

1500
01:40:25,836 --> 01:40:29,465
There were days that would go by
when I didn't even know where I'd been.

1501
01:40:29,840 --> 01:40:31,884
He was going broke fast...

1502
01:40:32,009 --> 01:40:34,887
... what with the lawyer bills
and the doctor bills...

1503
01:40:35,262 --> 01:40:38,265
...the dope and the pressure with Honey
and everything.

1504
01:40:38,348 --> 01:40:40,309
Just, I mean, poor guy, you know?

1505
01:40:40,726 --> 01:40:44,480
He had an incision that went
from his chest right through to his back.

1506
01:40:44,938 --> 01:40:46,190
Where were we?

1507
01:40:46,732 --> 01:40:49,818
This obscenity circus
has been going on for four years, man.

1508
01:40:49,902 --> 01:40:53,405
It's like a three-ring circus,
starring the District Attorney...

1509
01:40:53,572 --> 01:40:56,825
... the lower court, and the Supreme Court.
And I'm some schmuck...

1510
01:40:56,867 --> 01:41:00,162
... who fell off a high wire
in the middle of it, and it's killing me.

1511
01:41:00,204 --> 01:41:03,165
Can you turn the sound up, please?
The people can't hear me.

1512
01:41:03,290 --> 01:41:04,500
Thanks. Okay, now.

1513
01:41:04,625 --> 01:41:09,171
Where was I? Chicago bust, guilty.
That case is now being appealed...

1514
01:41:09,296 --> 01:41:13,383
... citing the case of the Daylight Book Co.
V. Summerhill US 268. No...

1515
01:41:13,509 --> 01:41:15,177
US 652...

1516
01:41:15,719 --> 01:41:17,179
Where are you going?

1517
01:41:17,221 --> 01:41:20,224
These are the jokes.
What is it? You want a bit?

1518
01:41:20,474 --> 01:41:23,560
No, I don't want to do "tits and ass."
I can't do...

1519
01:41:23,894 --> 01:41:26,688
All right,
I'll tell you where it's really at with tits.

1520
01:41:26,730 --> 01:41:29,399
You see that chick over there?
She has beautiful tits.

1521
01:41:29,483 --> 01:41:32,069
But we couldn't put a picture of them
in the newspaper.

1522
01:41:32,152 --> 01:41:34,613
Because that's obscene.
That's offensive. Fine.

1523
01:41:34,738 --> 01:41:36,740
I'll tell you what's offensive to me.

1524
01:41:36,865 --> 01:41:39,326
The only tits that you do see
in the newspapers...

1525
01:41:39,410 --> 01:41:41,161
... have been shot up, maimed...

1526
01:41:41,245 --> 01:41:42,371
Turn the house lights on.

1527
01:41:42,413 --> 01:41:44,248
... burned. It's really weird.

1528
01:41:44,790 --> 01:41:46,458
Come on. What's happening?

1529
01:41:46,542 --> 01:41:48,419
This man's under arrest.

1530
01:41:48,502 --> 01:41:52,423
What, again?
What the fuck is going on here, man?

1531
01:41:52,464 --> 01:41:54,341
Is it getting chic to arrest me?

1532
01:41:54,508 --> 01:41:57,219
He used the words "fuck you"...

1533
01:41:57,261 --> 01:42:00,139
- Objection!
- It's so out of context, and you know it.

1534
01:42:00,222 --> 01:42:03,517
The objection is overruled,
and counsel will control their client.

1535
01:42:03,600 --> 01:42:04,852
You may continue.

1536
01:42:05,310 --> 01:42:07,229
All right, what else do you recall?

1537
01:42:08,564 --> 01:42:10,482
- Did he make a gesture...
- Objection!

1538
01:42:10,566 --> 01:42:11,734
He's leading the witness.

1539
01:42:11,817 --> 01:42:15,612
I'm sorry, Your Honor,
I'll rephrase the question for Mr. Bruce.

1540
01:42:16,363 --> 01:42:19,575
All right, Sergeant,
what else do you recall happening?

1541
01:42:19,867 --> 01:42:21,577
You can refer to your notebook.

1542
01:42:21,827 --> 01:42:25,080
- He made a gesture.
- Man, you got it in.

1543
01:42:25,164 --> 01:42:28,375
- What sort of gesture?
- He used the microphone.

1544
01:42:29,168 --> 01:42:32,296
Would you mind demonstrating it
for the court, please?

1545
01:42:33,964 --> 01:42:36,508
Come on,
I never meant that to mean jack off!

1546
01:42:36,592 --> 01:42:40,053
It's pathetic! He's doing my act
for the court, and he's bombing!

1547
01:42:40,137 --> 01:42:42,264
How can you make a fair judgment
based on this?

1548
01:42:42,347 --> 01:42:45,309
What he is doing is obscene!
No, man, I want to tell them!

1549
01:42:45,392 --> 01:42:47,603
If anybody should do my act,
it should be me.

1550
01:42:47,644 --> 01:42:51,440
I could do me better than he does me!
I've been at it longer than anybody else!

1551
01:42:53,025 --> 01:42:56,278
If I could just talk to him eye to eye,
he's not a bad guy.

1552
01:42:57,488 --> 01:43:00,616
I know I can make him understand me.
He's a human being.

1553
01:43:00,657 --> 01:43:02,076
He's a tough son of a bitch...

1554
01:43:02,159 --> 01:43:05,537
...and the next time you open your mouth,
he'll cite you for contempt.

1555
01:43:05,621 --> 01:43:08,457
But you guys are not representing me
the way I asked to be.

1556
01:43:08,499 --> 01:43:10,501
We're doing the best we can, Lenny.

1557
01:43:10,542 --> 01:43:14,296
Did you ask him about me doing my act
for the court, instead of that cop?

1558
01:43:14,338 --> 01:43:16,048
- No.
- Why?

1559
01:43:16,131 --> 01:43:19,051
He has all the tapes.
You've had impressive witnesses...

1560
01:43:19,176 --> 01:43:21,386
...and you're not in
a proper emotional state...

1561
01:43:21,470 --> 01:43:22,596
I'm fine, man!

1562
01:43:22,679 --> 01:43:25,891
I just know if I don't do my act
for the court, I'm going to lose.

1563
01:43:25,974 --> 01:43:29,144
Come on, man, you know it,
he knows it, I know it!

1564
01:43:29,645 --> 01:43:31,980
Lenny, will you give us
a couple of minutes alone?

1565
01:43:32,022 --> 01:43:35,317
No, if it's about me, I want to hear, man.
I'm not a baby.

1566
01:43:35,401 --> 01:43:37,236
Okay, have it your way.

1567
01:43:40,531 --> 01:43:42,491
You don't have to whisper.

1568
01:43:43,033 --> 01:43:46,954
When the transcript goes to the appellate
court, I don't want you in the record.

1569
01:43:47,037 --> 01:43:49,498
We're going to have to eat
a guilty verdict here.

1570
01:43:49,581 --> 01:43:52,167
You guys are wild!
You eat the verdicts. I do the time.

1571
01:43:52,209 --> 01:43:54,002
I mean, it is really bizarre.

1572
01:43:54,044 --> 01:43:57,172
You don't understand.
These lower courts, they're meaningless.

1573
01:43:57,214 --> 01:43:58,590
It'll be like Chicago.

1574
01:43:58,674 --> 01:44:01,635
We'll appeal to the state Supreme Court,
and you'll get relief.

1575
01:44:01,718 --> 01:44:04,221
That took almost two years
and every nickel I had.

1576
01:44:04,263 --> 01:44:07,307
You don't understand,
I had to borrow $10 just to get here.

1577
01:44:07,391 --> 01:44:09,685
I'm like a nigger in Alabama
looking for a toilet.

1578
01:44:09,726 --> 01:44:12,354
By the time I get some relief,
it'll be too late.

1579
01:44:12,396 --> 01:44:14,440
I don't want to go to jail.

1580
01:44:14,690 --> 01:44:16,567
And I'll tell you something else.

1581
01:44:16,650 --> 01:44:20,237
You either put me on the stand,
you let me do my act for that court...

1582
01:44:20,320 --> 01:44:22,281
...or I'm going to sue your asses...

1583
01:44:22,364 --> 01:44:25,200
...and go in there and represent myself,
and that's it.

1584
01:44:25,242 --> 01:44:26,535
No more bullshit.

1585
01:44:27,745 --> 01:44:29,329
If it please the court...

1586
01:44:30,497 --> 01:44:32,374
...I wish to defend myself.

1587
01:44:32,416 --> 01:44:35,294
You see, Your Honor,
I can no longer relate to my counsel.

1588
01:44:35,377 --> 01:44:37,504
Mr. Bruce, my suggestion is...

1589
01:44:37,588 --> 01:44:42,009
...that you request a continuance
for the purposes of retaining new counsel.

1590
01:44:42,217 --> 01:44:44,928
If you do, then I will so grant that request.

1591
01:44:45,012 --> 01:44:47,306
I just want a chance to talk to the court.

1592
01:44:47,431 --> 01:44:51,393
Just to talk to you, another human being,
without all the legal bullshit.

1593
01:44:51,477 --> 01:44:54,271
Mr. Bruce,
you are making this very difficult for me.

1594
01:44:54,354 --> 01:44:56,648
I'm sorry, but attorneys keep telling me:

1595
01:44:56,732 --> 01:45:00,486
"Don't worry, it's just the lower court,
they're all assholes.

1596
01:45:00,569 --> 01:45:03,906
"We'll win in a higher court."
But I don't believe I should lose here.

1597
01:45:03,947 --> 01:45:05,908
I don't believe I'm doing anything wrong.

1598
01:45:05,949 --> 01:45:07,076
Would you sit down?

1599
01:45:07,159 --> 01:45:09,453
I do have the right to say what I'm saying.

1600
01:45:09,536 --> 01:45:11,288
I'm running out of patience.

1601
01:45:11,371 --> 01:45:14,750
If you just let me do my act for the court,
I'll take my chances.

1602
01:45:14,792 --> 01:45:17,669
If after you hear me do it,
if you don't think it's funny...

1603
01:45:17,753 --> 01:45:22,257
...if you don't think it has any social value,
if it strikes you as dirty and obscene...

1604
01:45:22,341 --> 01:45:24,301
I cannot allow this to continue.

1605
01:45:24,343 --> 01:45:25,761
Your honor...

1606
01:45:27,137 --> 01:45:29,223
...I so want your respect.

1607
01:45:31,475 --> 01:45:32,893
I know you're a good person...

1608
01:45:32,976 --> 01:45:35,771
...and that this legal system is
the best in the world...

1609
01:45:35,813 --> 01:45:37,981
...but you can't seem to hear me.

1610
01:45:38,065 --> 01:45:39,066
Sit down.

1611
01:45:39,149 --> 01:45:42,736
When I'm talking about tits and ass,
I'm not there to shock the audience...

1612
01:45:42,820 --> 01:45:46,490
...by repeating those words,
"tits and ass and ass and tits."

1613
01:45:46,657 --> 01:45:50,577
The point I'm trying to make
is that we live in a hypocritical society.

1614
01:45:50,661 --> 01:45:53,997
You leave me no alternative
but to find you in contempt of this court.

1615
01:45:57,918 --> 01:45:59,086
Okay.

1616
01:46:04,007 --> 01:46:06,885
Then sentence me. I have no money left.

1617
01:46:07,177 --> 01:46:09,138
Might I be sentenced now?

1618
01:46:09,721 --> 01:46:12,391
I can't afford to be on trial.

1619
01:46:13,350 --> 01:46:15,644
The police took away my cabaret card.

1620
01:46:15,727 --> 01:46:19,189
I can't work anymore.
Please, sentence me.

1621
01:46:19,231 --> 01:46:21,233
No, I will not sentence you today.

1622
01:46:21,692 --> 01:46:23,944
I order you,
when you appear before me again...

1623
01:46:24,027 --> 01:46:25,863
...to appear with suitable counsel.

1624
01:46:25,946 --> 01:46:30,159
I am further ordering psychiatric evaluation
by the psychiatric clinic.

1625
01:46:30,617 --> 01:46:34,788
- December 16th. Bail continued.
- You're trying to stop the information!

1626
01:46:34,872 --> 01:46:37,458
Bailiff, will you remove this man
from the courtroom?

1627
01:46:37,541 --> 01:46:39,960
- Court adjourned!
- You can't stop the information...

1628
01:46:40,043 --> 01:46:42,254
...because it keeps the country strong!

1629
01:46:42,337 --> 01:46:44,047
You need a deviate.

1630
01:46:44,423 --> 01:46:46,091
Don't shut him up!

1631
01:46:46,216 --> 01:46:50,053
You need that madman to stand up,
tell you when you're blowing it!

1632
01:46:50,137 --> 01:46:53,348
And the harder you come down
on the deviate, the more you need him.

1633
01:46:53,432 --> 01:46:55,934
Please! Don't take away my words!

1634
01:46:56,560 --> 01:46:59,813
They're just words!
I'm not hurting anybody!

1635
01:47:06,695 --> 01:47:09,823
He was found guilty in New York,
and sentenced to four months.

1636
01:47:09,907 --> 01:47:10,991
Is that right?

1637
01:47:11,075 --> 01:47:12,159
Yes.

1638
01:47:12,534 --> 01:47:15,162
He was frightened
of being confined in jail, wasn't he?

1639
01:47:15,245 --> 01:47:16,205
Yes.

1640
01:47:16,288 --> 01:47:18,665
Among his belongings,
when, after he died...

1641
01:47:18,749 --> 01:47:22,002
... they found a letter from the bank,
said that he'd lost the house.

1642
01:47:22,086 --> 01:47:24,338
Do you suppose
those things and that letter...

1643
01:47:24,421 --> 01:47:26,840
...had anything to do with his death?

1644
01:47:27,341 --> 01:47:28,967
I don't know what you mean.

1645
01:47:29,093 --> 01:47:30,260
I'll see you Saturday.

1646
01:47:30,344 --> 01:47:33,222
Get some sleep.
And do something about that weight, too.

1647
01:47:33,305 --> 01:47:35,682
Yeah, you're right.
I'm going to go on a diet.

1648
01:47:35,766 --> 01:47:36,892
Bye-bye.

1649
01:47:38,936 --> 01:47:40,229
Bye, man.

1650
01:47:51,240 --> 01:47:54,618
I know where you're trying to take this,
and it's just not so.

1651
01:47:54,910 --> 01:47:56,829
He'd never do a thing like that.

1652
01:47:59,289 --> 01:48:00,541
Anyway...

1653
01:48:05,963 --> 01:48:08,632
Anyway,
why was he trying to lose weight?

1654
01:48:09,007 --> 01:48:11,385
I loved him. I really loved him.

1655
01:48:12,428 --> 01:48:15,681
And I'm very happy
that his records are starting to sell again.

1656
01:48:15,764 --> 01:48:17,391
He was nutty, you know?

1657
01:48:19,268 --> 01:48:21,061
He did a lot of crazy things.

1658
01:48:22,563 --> 01:48:25,858
And we were always doing bits
to crack each other up.

1659
01:48:26,233 --> 01:48:28,610
Doesn't it strike you as rather ironic...

1660
01:48:28,736 --> 01:48:32,322
... that the things that Lenny
was arrested for...

1661
01:48:32,781 --> 01:48:35,993
... would be considered
fairly harmless today?

1662
01:48:37,661 --> 01:48:41,582
Well, like, I don't really know about that.

1663
01:48:44,543 --> 01:48:45,794
I mean...

1664
01:48:49,506 --> 01:48:51,049
...he was just...

1665
01:48:51,383 --> 01:48:53,260
...so damn funny.

1666
01:48:55,053 --> 01:48:58,098
You know I'm negotiating for a film
based on his life?

1667
01:48:58,432 --> 01:49:00,100
I got all the rights tied up.

1668
01:49:00,184 --> 01:49:03,812
Listen, I'm afraid that's all the time I have.

1669
01:49:04,021 --> 01:49:06,148
I have to get out to the Valley,
catch a comic.

1670
01:49:06,440 --> 01:49:08,066
Thank you very much.

1671
01:49:08,776 --> 01:49:10,527
Thank you very much.

1672
01:49:11,820 --> 01:49:12,988
It was a pleasure.

1673
01:49:14,948 --> 01:49:18,660
Into the shit-house for good this time.
Forget it.

1674
01:49:19,495 --> 01:49:20,788
Forget it.