1 00:01:25,064 --> 00:01:27,108 Get your bag off the table. People eat there. 2 00:01:27,233 --> 00:01:28,859 They eat on plates. 3 00:01:28,984 --> 00:01:31,195 Don't give me crap, Maizy. 4 00:01:31,278 --> 00:01:33,405 I'm telling. You said ''crap.'' 5 00:01:33,531 --> 00:01:37,284 - There's nothing wrong with ''crap.'' - Really? I thought that was a swear. 6 00:01:37,409 --> 00:01:39,954 - You're thinking of ''shit.'' - Right. 7 00:01:43,541 --> 00:01:45,417 Do you mind? 8 00:01:45,543 --> 00:01:48,462 A sixth-grader chased me with his bike and I was running. 9 00:01:48,546 --> 00:01:51,257 When I got exhausted and fell down, he waled me with his shoe. 10 00:01:51,340 --> 00:01:54,593 - Thankyour parents for that. - How come? 11 00:01:54,718 --> 00:01:56,762 It was their brilliant idea to move here. 12 00:01:56,846 --> 00:01:59,223 They weren't making enough cash in Indianapolis. 13 00:01:59,348 --> 00:02:01,141 Forget that we were perfectly happy. 14 00:02:01,225 --> 00:02:03,769 So thank them for getting treated like shit every day. 15 00:02:03,853 --> 00:02:07,356 - I'm telling on that one. - Shut your face. 16 00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:16,323 - Your book bag doesn't go on the floor. - Always have a cow. 17 00:02:18,117 --> 00:02:20,870 - Your nails are digging into my arm! - Pick it up! 18 00:02:22,997 --> 00:02:25,457 You'rejust supposed to open the door for us. 19 00:02:25,541 --> 00:02:27,501 You're not supposed to kick us around. 20 00:02:27,585 --> 00:02:30,129 I'm an American. I have rights! 21 00:02:30,212 --> 00:02:32,089 Maizy, did I kickyou around? 22 00:02:32,214 --> 00:02:35,551 No, but you said ''shit'' twice. But only once for real. 23 00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:39,680 I've got better things to do than baby-sit you, you little stain. 24 00:02:39,763 --> 00:02:42,933 Like what, hang out with friends you don't have? 25 00:02:43,017 --> 00:02:45,853 Why don't you just shut up? 26 00:02:45,936 --> 00:02:47,896 Want to make me? 27 00:02:48,022 --> 00:02:53,152 When our mother fii gure isn't here, I'm in charge. 28 00:02:53,277 --> 00:02:56,530 - I'm sick ofyou calling her that. - Too bad. 29 00:02:58,907 --> 00:03:00,951 You moron! 30 00:03:01,076 --> 00:03:04,997 - Why do we need boys? They're so loud. - Shut up! 31 00:03:05,122 --> 00:03:08,125 - Shut up yourself! - We need boys... 32 00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:13,213 so they can grow up, get married and turn into shadows. 33 00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:17,635 Let the dog out. 34 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,219 Percy! 35 00:03:32,775 --> 00:03:37,154 This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother. How do you fii nd the time? 36 00:03:40,032 --> 00:03:41,408 Miles. 37 00:03:43,243 --> 00:03:45,454 Maizy, put that down. 38 00:03:45,579 --> 00:03:49,333 - Did you win at hockey yesterday? - Hockey's been over for two weeks. 39 00:03:54,922 --> 00:03:59,093 I guess you don't want a hockey stick foryour birthday. 40 00:04:04,014 --> 00:04:07,184 You know what? 41 00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:11,730 When Dad goes to New York, I'm going to take a week off work. 42 00:04:11,814 --> 00:04:13,941 So you can interview new housekeepers? 43 00:04:15,234 --> 00:04:18,654 - I've had enough ofyour ugliness. - Really? 44 00:04:20,656 --> 00:04:23,659 We're all a little tired ofthe act. 45 00:04:39,299 --> 00:04:42,052 - This is really a good idea. - Thankyou. 46 00:04:43,178 --> 00:04:46,098 - How's the pie? - Not bad. 47 00:04:47,432 --> 00:04:50,185 Will you be at work in the morning? 48 00:04:50,269 --> 00:04:52,146 I can't avoid it. 49 00:04:52,271 --> 00:04:54,314 You don't seem happy about it. 50 00:04:55,607 --> 00:05:00,237 Ifyou've got to know, I'm not excited about working for my girlfriend. 51 00:05:00,362 --> 00:05:01,989 There, I said it. 52 00:05:03,073 --> 00:05:04,867 Buck, I love you. 53 00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:08,996 I can't help myself. I want to get married and have a family with you. 54 00:05:09,079 --> 00:05:11,290 The clock is ticking away. 55 00:05:11,373 --> 00:05:14,710 I would like to hear the pitter-patter oftiny feet before I die. 56 00:05:14,793 --> 00:05:17,963 I'll get you a mouse and a piece ofsheet metal. 57 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:23,510 - Lighten up, will you? - Don't push my buttons. 58 00:05:23,594 --> 00:05:25,971 I'm not pushing your buttons. I know me. 59 00:05:26,096 --> 00:05:28,056 I know what I like. 60 00:05:28,181 --> 00:05:30,559 I like my friends, my freedom. 61 00:05:31,727 --> 00:05:36,189 I like knowing I can go golfii ng anytime I want. 62 00:05:36,315 --> 00:05:38,859 I don't hurt anybody. I don't see what the problem is. 63 00:05:38,984 --> 00:05:41,528 That is the best formula for loneliness I ever heard. 64 00:05:42,571 --> 00:05:45,198 - Why are we arguing? - We're talking. 65 00:05:45,282 --> 00:05:47,576 I said I'd be at work in the morning. I'll be there. 66 00:05:49,161 --> 00:05:50,787 Okay. 67 00:05:53,957 --> 00:05:55,834 I've got to get this out. 68 00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:59,546 I know I'm harping, but let me say it. 69 00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:02,716 I'm working on history, on the past. 70 00:06:02,841 --> 00:06:06,261 You're gonna show up? Swear to God? In the a.m.? Promise? 71 00:06:06,345 --> 00:06:08,722 Chanice, I'll be honest with you. 72 00:06:08,847 --> 00:06:12,351 If I could think ofan excuse that you would buy, I'd use it. 73 00:06:27,866 --> 00:06:29,242 Hello. 74 00:06:33,455 --> 00:06:36,124 - Oh, God! - What? 75 00:06:36,208 --> 00:06:38,669 Just a second. It's your aunt. 76 00:06:38,752 --> 00:06:40,796 What happened? 77 00:06:40,879 --> 00:06:43,006 Your dad had a heart attack. 78 00:06:47,219 --> 00:06:49,679 Who's gonna watch the kids? 79 00:06:50,764 --> 00:06:53,475 Marcie. She's right across the street. 80 00:06:53,558 --> 00:06:56,103 She's the last person I'd ask for a favor. 81 00:06:58,271 --> 00:07:00,148 What about the Nevilles? 82 00:07:02,776 --> 00:07:04,736 Would you call them? 83 00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:07,280 I want to leave as soon as we can. 84 00:07:09,157 --> 00:07:11,535 I am so helpless here. 85 00:07:11,618 --> 00:07:15,372 Don't start getting down on why we moved. 86 00:07:15,455 --> 00:07:17,582 It has nothing to do with what happened. 87 00:07:17,707 --> 00:07:19,167 Sorry. 88 00:07:22,003 --> 00:07:24,214 This isjust a thought. 89 00:07:24,297 --> 00:07:27,384 What about Buck? I'm sure he'd be glad to help out. 90 00:07:27,509 --> 00:07:30,429 This is not the time to discuss your brother. 91 00:07:30,512 --> 00:07:33,765 - I don't want him here. - It'sjust a suggestion. 92 00:07:33,849 --> 00:07:37,978 He doesn't have kids. He isn't married. He doesn't even work! 93 00:07:39,646 --> 00:07:44,025 He's a little out there, but he's responsible and he's family. 94 00:07:44,151 --> 00:07:49,739 Buck is not the kind of guy I feel comfortable leaving my kids with. 95 00:07:49,823 --> 00:07:52,450 The trashy people he hangs out with. 96 00:07:52,534 --> 00:07:56,037 That woman who sells tires. 97 00:07:56,163 --> 00:07:59,082 The horse racing, the gambling. Can you see him in this house? 98 00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:01,168 Okay. 99 00:08:05,088 --> 00:08:07,215 Call the Nevilles. 100 00:08:11,553 --> 00:08:14,306 Are we going to Indianapolis? 101 00:08:14,389 --> 00:08:16,600 Daddy and I are. 102 00:08:16,683 --> 00:08:19,394 And we're not? 103 00:08:19,477 --> 00:08:21,605 No, that's not a good idea. 104 00:08:24,316 --> 00:08:26,276 Thanks. 105 00:08:26,401 --> 00:08:28,528 I loved my father very much. 106 00:08:28,612 --> 00:08:31,072 So why did you move away from him? 107 00:08:34,576 --> 00:08:38,413 If my family moved away from me, I'd have a heart attack too. 108 00:08:45,045 --> 00:08:46,546 I see. 109 00:08:48,548 --> 00:08:51,384 - Who will take care of us? - Mr. and Mrs. Neville. 110 00:08:51,509 --> 00:08:54,304 - Is that a joke? - You don't like the Nevilles? 111 00:08:54,387 --> 00:08:57,724 - The dog's a ball sniffer. - Don't talk like that. 112 00:08:57,807 --> 00:09:01,853 Mr. Neville yelled at Michael because their dog was sniffii ng Michael's balls. 113 00:09:01,937 --> 00:09:04,064 - Don't use that word. - I don't know another word. 114 00:09:04,147 --> 00:09:06,775 We can talk to Mr. Neville about the dog. 115 00:09:06,858 --> 00:09:09,945 Sorry, honey. They're in Florida. 116 00:09:12,739 --> 00:09:14,616 You get in bed. 117 00:09:14,741 --> 00:09:17,035 You have to get up for school. 118 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,704 - Who's in Florida? - Get back in bed. 119 00:09:19,788 --> 00:09:22,791 - What's the other word for balls? - Get in bed. 120 00:09:25,418 --> 00:09:26,961 Nuts. 121 00:09:30,382 --> 00:09:32,509 What do we do? 122 00:09:32,634 --> 00:09:34,761 I don't think we have much choice. 123 00:09:36,721 --> 00:09:38,098 Can we trust him? 124 00:09:41,017 --> 00:09:42,185 Yeah? 125 00:09:42,268 --> 00:09:44,396 Buck, this is Bob. 126 00:09:44,521 --> 00:09:47,440 Bob? Bob who? 127 00:09:50,402 --> 00:09:52,445 It's your brother. 128 00:09:53,738 --> 00:09:57,492 Bobby! Hang on a minute. 129 00:10:18,596 --> 00:10:21,224 Just used your Christmas present. 130 00:10:21,307 --> 00:10:23,601 The Clapper. 131 00:10:23,726 --> 00:10:27,147 You little pissant, how you doing? 132 00:10:27,230 --> 00:10:29,190 Geez! Are you drunk? 133 00:10:30,775 --> 00:10:32,152 You knowsomething? 134 00:10:32,277 --> 00:10:36,197 We gotta get together. I haven't been overyour house since you moved in. 135 00:10:36,281 --> 00:10:40,910 I'm sorry about those bushes too. Ihadno idea... 136 00:10:41,035 --> 00:10:44,038 that they would catch on fii re like that. 137 00:10:44,122 --> 00:10:46,958 You were right. I should never have put the barbecue that close. 138 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:50,295 Cindy's father had a heart attack tonight. 139 00:10:50,420 --> 00:10:53,923 We'dIike toget to IndianapoIis assoon aspossibIe. 140 00:10:54,007 --> 00:10:56,843 But we have a problem with the kids. 141 00:10:56,968 --> 00:11:01,139 We're stuck for somebody to watch them. Ifyou're not doing anything-- 142 00:11:01,222 --> 00:11:04,225 Is this okay with Cindy? It's got Cindy's approval? 143 00:11:04,976 --> 00:11:06,352 Oh, yeah. 144 00:11:06,477 --> 00:11:10,148 That'd be great. I'd be honored. 145 00:11:10,231 --> 00:11:13,735 I've still got the one bedroom. I'm going to get a bigger place. 146 00:11:13,818 --> 00:11:16,571 But they can bring their sleeping bags. We'll have fun. 147 00:11:16,654 --> 00:11:19,449 We'll make tents. Get some toys and peanut butter. 148 00:11:19,532 --> 00:11:22,368 - We'IIhave a bIast. - I thought you could come here. 149 00:11:22,452 --> 00:11:24,412 The kids have school. 150 00:11:24,537 --> 00:11:26,664 What am Ithinking?Sure. 151 00:11:26,748 --> 00:11:28,875 Tonight or in the morning? 152 00:11:28,958 --> 00:11:31,085 Tonight would be best ifyou could do it. 153 00:11:31,211 --> 00:11:34,881 Tonight will be fii ne. Don't worry. 154 00:11:35,006 --> 00:11:37,050 I'll pack a few things and I'm on my way. 155 00:11:37,175 --> 00:11:39,469 Thanks. See you soon. 156 00:11:41,429 --> 00:11:45,475 He can do it. He was asleep and I woke him up. 157 00:11:47,268 --> 00:11:51,189 At this hour, that's a good sign. We're all set. 158 00:11:59,489 --> 00:12:02,033 Okay, this, this and this. 159 00:12:06,245 --> 00:12:08,206 Bag, bag, bag. 160 00:12:10,124 --> 00:12:12,001 This will do. 161 00:12:23,179 --> 00:12:24,430 Hello. 162 00:12:24,514 --> 00:12:26,474 Chanice, honey? 163 00:12:27,976 --> 00:12:29,936 I have bad news. 164 00:12:30,019 --> 00:12:32,146 Let me guess. 165 00:12:32,230 --> 00:12:34,440 You are not coming in to work in the morning. 166 00:12:38,361 --> 00:12:40,321 Just let-- 167 00:12:41,531 --> 00:12:43,574 No, but-- You don't-- 168 00:12:43,658 --> 00:12:46,744 Would you just-- Give me-- 169 00:12:46,828 --> 00:12:49,372 Let me get-- 170 00:12:49,455 --> 00:12:51,666 You're not-- Give me a-- 171 00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:54,210 Good-bye. 172 00:12:57,338 --> 00:13:00,341 Boy, I haven't seen those kids in a while. 173 00:13:02,093 --> 00:13:04,554 Tia's got to be nine. 174 00:13:04,637 --> 00:13:07,557 Nine, maybe ten. Oh, boy. 175 00:13:07,682 --> 00:13:10,852 And the two new ones. They're-- 176 00:13:10,935 --> 00:13:12,729 Larry and-- 177 00:13:14,147 --> 00:13:15,565 Larry and... 178 00:13:18,025 --> 00:13:19,402 Betsy. 179 00:13:19,527 --> 00:13:20,987 Betsy-- 180 00:13:22,447 --> 00:13:24,657 Jennifer. 181 00:13:24,741 --> 00:13:26,951 Larry and Jennifer. Nice kids. 182 00:13:32,248 --> 00:13:37,128 Honey, he's 40 years old. He knows his way around. 183 00:13:37,211 --> 00:13:42,550 Why don't you fii nish packing? I'll watch out for Buck. 184 00:14:04,155 --> 00:14:06,949 What the hell? 185 00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:08,910 Where is everybody? 186 00:14:16,709 --> 00:14:18,127 Bob? 187 00:14:21,839 --> 00:14:24,926 This isn't funny. Come on. Wake up! 188 00:14:25,051 --> 00:14:29,180 - I'm freezing my ass off out here. - Oh, shit! 189 00:14:29,263 --> 00:14:31,724 I'm getting mad, Bob. 190 00:14:34,435 --> 00:14:35,603 Buck? 191 00:14:39,565 --> 00:14:41,067 Over here! 192 00:14:49,158 --> 00:14:53,079 Do you know how many big white houses there are on this street? 193 00:14:54,622 --> 00:14:55,998 What? 194 00:14:56,123 --> 00:14:58,668 - Keep it down. - What? 195 00:14:58,751 --> 00:15:02,255 - What should I do with my car? - For crying out loud! 196 00:15:02,380 --> 00:15:03,923 Sorry, Mr. Hatfiield. 197 00:15:04,006 --> 00:15:06,133 It's 2:00 a.m.! 198 00:15:06,217 --> 00:15:08,761 How you doing? Sorry I'm late. 199 00:15:08,886 --> 00:15:12,223 - No. Thanks for coming. - What happened to the mustache? 200 00:15:12,306 --> 00:15:14,600 - Had to shave it off. - How's Cindy? 201 00:15:14,684 --> 00:15:16,644 - Not well. - Her dad? 202 00:15:16,727 --> 00:15:19,981 - Hard to say. - Those medical terms. An infarction? 203 00:15:28,990 --> 00:15:32,910 I stopped smoking cigarettes. Isn't that something? 204 00:15:34,078 --> 00:15:37,039 I'm on to cigars. I'm on a fiive-year plan. 205 00:15:37,123 --> 00:15:40,292 I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then to pipes... 206 00:15:40,376 --> 00:15:42,837 then to chewing tobacco, then the nicotine gum. 207 00:15:43,838 --> 00:15:45,214 Good. 208 00:15:46,841 --> 00:15:48,467 Money. 209 00:15:48,592 --> 00:15:52,346 - I'll leave you blank checks. - No, I've got lots of money. 210 00:15:54,015 --> 00:15:56,308 No, please. 211 00:15:56,434 --> 00:15:58,561 I've got the money. I'd like to do this. 212 00:15:58,644 --> 00:16:01,105 All right? Come on, please. 213 00:16:01,230 --> 00:16:03,941 I'll pay you back when we get home. 214 00:16:07,570 --> 00:16:10,030 I won't have any problem cashing... 215 00:16:10,156 --> 00:16:12,867 a second-party out-of-state paycheck, will I? 216 00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:18,080 I've been so busy, I haven't been able to do my banking. 217 00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:20,791 - I don't think there'll be a problem. - Let me leave you the checks. 218 00:16:20,875 --> 00:16:23,502 - Only if it's comfortable foryou. - That'll be easier. 219 00:16:23,586 --> 00:16:26,046 I guess. Do you have a plunger? 220 00:16:26,172 --> 00:16:30,176 While I'm thinking ofthese things. For the morning. 221 00:16:30,259 --> 00:16:32,720 My plumbing is bad. Ofcourse, yours is good. 222 00:16:32,845 --> 00:16:35,556 I would imagine. Don't worry about it. 223 00:16:35,639 --> 00:16:38,434 Everything will be fii ne. I've been bound up lately. 224 00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:41,937 It's driving me crazy. I've been eating a lot ofcheese for some reason. 225 00:16:42,062 --> 00:16:45,900 I got a craving for the stuff. Do you think maybe that's an allergy? 226 00:16:47,401 --> 00:16:48,861 Yeah. 227 00:16:48,944 --> 00:16:53,240 I don't know, I can't get enough cheese. I feel like a big mouse. 228 00:16:54,241 --> 00:16:56,619 - I don't know. - Oh, well. 229 00:16:56,702 --> 00:17:00,998 Let's see. Oh, Miles' birthday. 230 00:17:01,081 --> 00:17:03,751 We'll be back by that time. 231 00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:06,045 Okay, then. This should do. 232 00:17:06,128 --> 00:17:09,798 I probably won't use them. Just in case. 233 00:17:09,924 --> 00:17:12,218 - Right. - Great. Okay. 234 00:17:21,602 --> 00:17:24,396 I know I've forgotten something. What else? 235 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,692 All right? That looks nice. Give me your arm. 236 00:17:28,776 --> 00:17:32,613 It should only be a few days. I promise I'll call you tomorrow. 237 00:17:32,738 --> 00:17:35,032 - You've got all the phone numbers? - Yeah. 238 00:17:35,115 --> 00:17:38,452 - We're off. Thanks, Buck. - Take care ofyourself. 239 00:17:38,536 --> 00:17:41,705 - We appreciate this. - Thanks. Thankyou. 240 00:17:41,789 --> 00:17:45,459 - Say hi to your dad. Drive safely. - You can do it. 241 00:18:10,693 --> 00:18:12,152 That's for sure. 242 00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:29,003 Unbreakable. 243 00:18:35,718 --> 00:18:37,678 Shit! 244 00:18:39,138 --> 00:18:41,015 It's 7.:02 in the a.m. 245 00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:43,434 You're listening to W-I-Don't-Have-To-Go-To-Work-Today... 246 00:18:43,517 --> 00:18:45,394 brought to you by Kobolowski Tires. 247 00:18:45,519 --> 00:18:47,813 For the best in tires, see Chanice Kobolowski. 248 00:19:18,927 --> 00:19:20,387 Tia! 249 00:19:23,682 --> 00:19:26,393 You remember me? 250 00:19:29,813 --> 00:19:31,857 Uncle Buck. 251 00:19:31,982 --> 00:19:33,859 The Uncle Buck. 252 00:19:42,367 --> 00:19:44,411 Coffee drinker, huh? 253 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,387 - Hungry? - No. 254 00:20:02,471 --> 00:20:06,225 Sure you are. Everybody loves breakfast. You gotta have a good breakfast. 255 00:20:06,308 --> 00:20:09,061 Start the day off right. 256 00:20:12,814 --> 00:20:16,151 - So where are the other ones? - Other ones what? 257 00:20:16,276 --> 00:20:18,987 The other kids. 258 00:20:19,071 --> 00:20:22,574 They have names. Miles and Maizy. 259 00:20:22,658 --> 00:20:24,618 Are Miles and Maizy up yet? 260 00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:26,578 I woke them, thankyou. 261 00:20:30,541 --> 00:20:31,917 There you go. 262 00:20:32,042 --> 00:20:34,169 Are you deaf? I said I wasn't hungry. 263 00:20:34,253 --> 00:20:36,129 That's one of my specialties. 264 00:20:40,884 --> 00:20:42,469 I'd rather starve. 265 00:20:42,553 --> 00:20:44,596 Does your mom know you drink coffee? 266 00:20:45,597 --> 00:20:48,684 I'm not doing it to impress you. 267 00:20:48,809 --> 00:20:50,769 I appreciate that. 268 00:20:52,479 --> 00:20:55,107 Is there a reason why you're giving me a hard time? 269 00:20:56,984 --> 00:20:59,945 Am I giving you a hard time? 270 00:21:00,028 --> 00:21:03,448 Well, I don't know. 271 00:21:03,532 --> 00:21:05,909 - How you doin'? - Who are you? 272 00:21:05,993 --> 00:21:07,619 I'm your Uncle Buck. 273 00:21:08,495 --> 00:21:10,789 - Do I have an uncle? - Unfortunately. 274 00:21:12,374 --> 00:21:13,792 Holy smokes! 275 00:21:13,875 --> 00:21:16,086 He's cooking our garbage. 276 00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:25,137 Where's your sister-- 277 00:21:25,220 --> 00:21:28,724 Her name is Maizy, for the second time. 278 00:21:30,017 --> 00:21:32,477 Sorry. 279 00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:36,148 You must be hungry. 280 00:21:36,231 --> 00:21:38,608 Just foryou. 281 00:21:38,692 --> 00:21:42,738 Oh, my God! He put onions in the eggs. 282 00:21:42,863 --> 00:21:44,656 I'm gonna check on Maizy. 283 00:21:44,740 --> 00:21:47,993 I'll fiix you cereal when I get back. 284 00:22:04,509 --> 00:22:06,720 - Can I askyou something? - What? 285 00:22:07,804 --> 00:22:09,681 Is she always this pleasant? 286 00:22:09,806 --> 00:22:12,893 No, she's usually in a bad mood in the morning. 287 00:22:16,646 --> 00:22:19,983 Do you want knots in your hair? Cut it out. 288 00:22:20,108 --> 00:22:23,028 - I want Mom to do it. - Mom's not here. 289 00:22:23,153 --> 00:22:25,030 - She is too. - No, she's not. 290 00:22:25,155 --> 00:22:28,492 - She and Dad went to Indianapolis. - They did not. 291 00:22:28,575 --> 00:22:31,036 - Okay, they didn't. - They did? 292 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:33,914 Yes. And I'm taking care ofyou. 293 00:22:33,997 --> 00:22:36,541 But you can't drive. 294 00:22:38,168 --> 00:22:39,795 - Where do you live? - In the city. 295 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,463 - Do you own a house? - Apartment. Rent. 296 00:22:41,588 --> 00:22:43,799 - What do you do for a living? - Lots ofthings. 297 00:22:43,924 --> 00:22:46,593 - Where's your offiice? - I don't have one. I don't need one. 298 00:22:46,676 --> 00:22:49,471 - Where's your wife? - Don't have one. It's a long story. 299 00:22:49,554 --> 00:22:52,641 - Do you have kids? - I don't. It's an even longer story. 300 00:22:52,766 --> 00:22:55,519 -Are you my dad's brother? -What's your record for questions asked? 301 00:22:55,602 --> 00:22:58,271 - Thirty-eight. - I'm your dad's brother. 302 00:22:58,355 --> 00:23:00,565 You have more nose hair than my dad. 303 00:23:00,690 --> 00:23:03,068 - Nice ofyou to notice. - I'm a kid. That's myjob. 304 00:23:37,102 --> 00:23:40,105 That is my car. 305 00:24:00,458 --> 00:24:02,752 Tying your shoe? 306 00:24:09,217 --> 00:24:13,471 - What time should I pickyou up? - Don't bother. I'll get a ride. 307 00:24:13,555 --> 00:24:15,599 No, I've got orders. What time? 308 00:24:16,683 --> 00:24:19,227 Are you really this stupid? I said I would get a ride. 309 00:24:19,352 --> 00:24:20,979 I always get a ride. 310 00:24:21,104 --> 00:24:24,190 I'll call the school, fii nd out what time and meet you here. 311 00:24:24,274 --> 00:24:27,527 Go ahead, call the school. I won't be here. 312 00:24:27,652 --> 00:24:31,072 Stand me up today, and tomorrow... 313 00:24:31,156 --> 00:24:35,368 I'll drive you to school in my pajamas and walkyou to your fii rst class. 314 00:24:36,328 --> 00:24:40,874 - 4:00 okay? - I'm stunned I'm related to you. 315 00:24:42,042 --> 00:24:44,836 You get the pole out ofyour keister, we'll get along fii ne. 316 00:24:47,797 --> 00:24:50,550 Did you ever have anyone embarrass you like this? 317 00:24:59,351 --> 00:25:01,561 No. 318 00:25:18,244 --> 00:25:21,498 - You think she hates me? - With a passion. 319 00:25:21,581 --> 00:25:24,584 - Is it the hat? - No. 320 00:25:24,709 --> 00:25:29,839 A lot of people hate this hat. The sight of it angers people. 321 00:25:29,923 --> 00:25:33,176 I'll tell you a story about that on the way to school. 322 00:25:37,764 --> 00:25:39,641 Right. Listen, Buck. 323 00:25:39,766 --> 00:25:43,603 For eight years you have been making plans and breaking plans. 324 00:25:43,728 --> 00:25:45,772 What are you talking about? 325 00:25:45,897 --> 00:25:49,818 Didn't we talk last night about this? 326 00:25:49,943 --> 00:25:52,904 What did we talk about? Me playing the father! 327 00:25:52,987 --> 00:25:57,283 I'm glad you can do it foryour brother. You sure can't do it for me. 328 00:25:57,367 --> 00:25:59,994 How could I do it foryou? We don't have kids. 329 00:26:00,078 --> 00:26:02,205 What areyou taIking about? 330 00:26:02,288 --> 00:26:05,875 Buck, I know you think thejob is pointless... 331 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,420 and in some way I'm trying to manipulate you and control you... 332 00:26:09,504 --> 00:26:12,507 andruinyourIife. 333 00:26:12,590 --> 00:26:17,220 I have to fii ll the position. It's important to the company and me. 334 00:26:17,345 --> 00:26:20,682 Unless you tell me different, I'll offer thejob to somebody else. 335 00:26:20,807 --> 00:26:25,770 Give me a week to think about it. I don't know how long I'll be here. 336 00:26:25,854 --> 00:26:29,023 If, during that week... 337 00:26:29,148 --> 00:26:31,943 you see somebody who will fii ll the bill... 338 00:26:32,026 --> 00:26:34,863 hire him on a part-time basis or whatever. 339 00:26:34,946 --> 00:26:39,576 That way I'll make up my mind and we'll see where we are at that point. 340 00:26:39,659 --> 00:26:42,036 Okay, I have to go now. 341 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,163 Bye-bye, hon. 342 00:26:54,966 --> 00:26:57,343 Eight more. Come on. 343 00:26:57,427 --> 00:26:59,637 Work it. Get the circuIationgoing. 344 00:26:59,762 --> 00:27:01,639 Step it up. 345 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,350 Isn 'tpeace wonderfuI? 346 00:27:04,475 --> 00:27:09,188 MikhaiI Gorbachev, the most improbabIe eviI emperorin captivity... 347 00:27:09,314 --> 00:27:11,524 captivates Manhattan... 348 00:27:11,608 --> 00:27:16,571 wows the U.N. by announcing a uniIateraI cut in theSoviet miIitary... 349 00:27:16,696 --> 00:27:21,409 smiIes and waves with erstwhiIe coId warriors RonaIdReagan-- 350 00:27:33,421 --> 00:27:37,258 Andthestockmarket has its best weeksinceJuIy. 351 00:27:37,342 --> 00:27:39,218 Take that, KarIMax. 352 00:28:09,791 --> 00:28:12,543 Would you like to talk about a possible lunch trade? 353 00:29:01,843 --> 00:29:04,137 Coveryour ears. Just do it. 354 00:29:10,893 --> 00:29:14,480 Do you know how whipped an engine has to be to blow that loud? 355 00:29:22,989 --> 00:29:24,949 Call me. 356 00:29:26,534 --> 00:29:29,704 You ever hear ofa tune-up? 357 00:29:31,789 --> 00:29:34,625 You ever hear ofa ritual killing? 358 00:29:35,918 --> 00:29:37,295 I don't get it. 359 00:29:37,420 --> 00:29:40,214 Gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one. 360 00:29:51,726 --> 00:29:54,186 - Are you crazy? - I can be. 361 00:29:54,270 --> 00:29:56,939 - You could've taken his head off. - But would he notice? 362 00:29:57,023 --> 00:29:59,400 Can we get something straight? 363 00:29:59,525 --> 00:30:01,819 The guy's a predator and you're his prey. 364 00:30:01,944 --> 00:30:03,654 - Really? - You bet. 365 00:30:03,738 --> 00:30:06,449 - How do you know? - When I was his age, I was the guy... 366 00:30:06,532 --> 00:30:09,452 zooming the girls like you. 367 00:30:09,535 --> 00:30:11,329 Pretty face, big chip on your shoulder. 368 00:30:11,412 --> 00:30:14,165 I recommend you stay out of my personal life. 369 00:30:15,082 --> 00:30:16,959 Do your parents stay out ofyour personal lie? 370 00:30:17,084 --> 00:30:20,171 They don't know my personal life. 371 00:30:21,714 --> 00:30:25,468 - Have they met Twiddle Dink? - His name is Bug. 372 00:30:28,137 --> 00:30:30,264 - First or last? - First. 373 00:30:30,389 --> 00:30:33,225 What's his last name, Spray? 374 00:30:35,895 --> 00:30:38,272 You should talk, Buck. 375 00:30:56,332 --> 00:30:58,459 No. No. 376 00:30:58,542 --> 00:31:02,296 N-O. Don't look at me like that. 377 00:31:03,381 --> 00:31:05,341 Don't! 378 00:31:05,424 --> 00:31:07,551 That's not fair. 379 00:31:12,848 --> 00:31:16,685 Don't you have a favorite doll or something? 380 00:31:16,769 --> 00:31:20,356 Why don't we get your doll and put your dad's pajamas on him? 381 00:31:27,321 --> 00:31:29,990 Your brother! What about your brother? 382 00:31:31,325 --> 00:31:33,285 How about the dog? You know the dog. 383 00:31:39,333 --> 00:31:41,544 You can't. You just can't. 384 00:31:43,129 --> 00:31:45,423 It's a new law. That's it. 385 00:31:45,506 --> 00:31:47,633 It's in the books. 386 00:31:48,968 --> 00:31:50,928 You don't want to sleep with me. 387 00:31:51,971 --> 00:31:55,057 Can somebody get that, please? 388 00:31:56,642 --> 00:31:59,895 Do I have to do everything around here? 389 00:32:04,650 --> 00:32:07,653 - Yo. - Hi, sweetie. Howareyou? 390 00:32:07,736 --> 00:32:11,866 Fine. I'm earning my keep. Uncle Buck's got me bustin' my hump. 391 00:32:11,991 --> 00:32:14,869 Hesays hard work wiIIput hair on my chest. 392 00:32:14,952 --> 00:32:16,662 At Ieast I'm Iearning a trade. 393 00:32:16,787 --> 00:32:20,374 That's good. Grandpa's feeling better. 394 00:32:20,499 --> 00:32:23,669 Hesendsyou big hugs andkisses. 395 00:32:23,794 --> 00:32:25,421 Tell him to hang in there. 396 00:32:26,714 --> 00:32:30,384 - Can you get Uncle Buck? - Will do, chickie. 397 00:32:30,467 --> 00:32:31,927 Mom? 398 00:32:32,011 --> 00:32:34,388 - Hi. - Next timeyou take off... 399 00:32:34,513 --> 00:32:37,183 why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house? 400 00:32:37,266 --> 00:32:39,894 Thisguy's ajoke. 401 00:32:39,977 --> 00:32:43,564 Why don't you go your way and let him go his? 402 00:32:44,565 --> 00:32:46,942 While he systematically dismantles my life? 403 00:32:47,067 --> 00:32:50,237 Another drawback is that I'm a big drooler. 404 00:32:50,321 --> 00:32:53,657 You could wake up thinking you were asleep in a swamp. 405 00:32:53,741 --> 00:32:56,493 - Mom's on the phone. - Good. I'll be right there. 406 00:32:56,619 --> 00:32:59,622 The guy took off and left Miles and Maizy alone. 407 00:33:01,290 --> 00:33:04,209 Plus he drinks. 408 00:33:04,293 --> 00:33:07,546 - Did you brush your teeth? - Yeah. Feel my toothbrush. 409 00:33:07,630 --> 00:33:11,926 I have a friend who works at the crime lab at the police station. 410 00:33:12,051 --> 00:33:15,137 I could give him your toothbrush and he could run a test on it to see... 411 00:33:15,220 --> 00:33:19,141 ifyou actually brushed your teeth or ran your toothbrush under the faucet. 412 00:33:27,483 --> 00:33:31,695 Ifthat's true, we're going to really have to start brushing our teeth. 413 00:33:33,113 --> 00:33:34,490 How are you? 414 00:33:34,573 --> 00:33:38,160 - I'm okay. How's everything? - Good, good. 415 00:33:38,243 --> 00:33:40,996 - Yousure? - Everything is fine here. 416 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,624 - Everything's fine. - Kids are okay? 417 00:33:43,749 --> 00:33:46,752 The kids are great! We're having a great time together. 418 00:33:46,877 --> 00:33:48,504 How'syourdad? 419 00:33:48,587 --> 00:33:51,131 He's okay. He's getting better. Thanks. 420 00:33:51,256 --> 00:33:53,384 That'sgoodnews. That's encouraging. 421 00:33:53,509 --> 00:33:55,719 I've got agoodfeeIing about this. He'sgonna be fine. 422 00:33:55,803 --> 00:33:57,930 I got a few questions foryou. 423 00:33:58,055 --> 00:34:01,558 Yougot an interesting set ofpIates in the Iiving room. 424 00:34:01,684 --> 00:34:03,227 -Are they oId? - Yeah. 425 00:34:03,352 --> 00:34:04,728 They are. 426 00:34:05,938 --> 00:34:07,981 Where would you fii nd something like that? 427 00:34:08,107 --> 00:34:10,401 In an antique shop downtown? 428 00:34:12,236 --> 00:34:13,654 In England. 429 00:34:20,869 --> 00:34:23,330 How many times a day do you feed a dog like that? 430 00:34:23,455 --> 00:34:28,001 How many times a day do you think he eats? 431 00:34:28,127 --> 00:34:29,670 Four or fiive. 432 00:34:29,753 --> 00:34:32,673 He eats once a day. 433 00:34:32,798 --> 00:34:35,259 Just once. 434 00:34:35,342 --> 00:34:38,595 What does he Iike to drink? Water? 435 00:34:38,679 --> 00:34:42,182 Yes, he drinks water. I would keep water out. 436 00:34:42,307 --> 00:34:45,394 I've been leaving the toilet seats up. 437 00:34:45,477 --> 00:34:47,354 Yeah. 438 00:34:47,479 --> 00:34:49,523 The blue water's not good for him? 439 00:34:51,775 --> 00:34:54,153 That might account for something. 440 00:34:54,278 --> 00:34:56,488 Nothing. 441 00:34:56,572 --> 00:34:59,658 Just an odd coloration out on the grass. 442 00:35:00,492 --> 00:35:01,952 Buck... 443 00:35:04,079 --> 00:35:07,666 I want you to know it makes me feel secure to know you're there. 444 00:35:11,170 --> 00:35:12,546 Thankyou very much. 445 00:35:12,671 --> 00:35:14,631 Okay, bye-bye. 446 00:35:21,388 --> 00:35:22,848 Bob? 447 00:36:57,901 --> 00:36:59,277 Cindy? 448 00:37:08,620 --> 00:37:10,247 Open up. 449 00:37:12,874 --> 00:37:14,251 Hello? 450 00:37:23,009 --> 00:37:25,053 I'm getting mad. All right. 451 00:37:25,178 --> 00:37:27,472 Get ready. Here I come. 452 00:37:27,597 --> 00:37:31,268 Come on! Do I have to talk dirty to you? 453 00:37:31,351 --> 00:37:33,729 Open up for daddy. 454 00:37:33,854 --> 00:37:35,731 There we go. 455 00:37:35,856 --> 00:37:38,316 Nice and easy. 456 00:37:38,442 --> 00:37:41,153 Come on, here we go. Take that! 457 00:37:41,236 --> 00:37:43,196 You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! 458 00:37:44,656 --> 00:37:46,032 Open up! 459 00:37:46,158 --> 00:37:47,534 Come on! 460 00:37:47,659 --> 00:37:50,579 I'm gonna shove my load into you whetheryou like it or not. 461 00:37:50,662 --> 00:37:52,205 Come on! 462 00:37:52,330 --> 00:37:55,750 Come on, you son ofa bitch, open up. 463 00:38:15,395 --> 00:38:17,772 - Freeze! - Who are you? 464 00:38:17,856 --> 00:38:20,400 - Cindy! - She's in Indianapolis. 465 00:38:20,525 --> 00:38:24,196 - What's she doing in Indianapolis? - Her father had a heart attack. 466 00:38:24,279 --> 00:38:27,449 Who are you, and how do you know her father had a heart attack? 467 00:38:27,574 --> 00:38:29,201 I'm her brother-in-law. 468 00:38:29,284 --> 00:38:32,162 Yeah? Who you talking dirty to? 469 00:38:34,372 --> 00:38:35,749 The washing machine. 470 00:38:35,874 --> 00:38:39,294 I don't know how to work it, so I was kicking it and swearing at it... 471 00:38:39,377 --> 00:38:42,881 which is not an uncommon thing to do. 472 00:38:42,964 --> 00:38:44,841 And you thought-- 473 00:38:46,051 --> 00:38:48,511 - I apologize. - Okay. 474 00:38:50,513 --> 00:38:52,390 Boy, that's funny. 475 00:38:54,059 --> 00:38:56,269 I live across the street. 476 00:38:56,353 --> 00:38:59,272 - My name is Marcie. - Buck Russell. 477 00:39:00,523 --> 00:39:01,942 Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. 478 00:39:02,025 --> 00:39:04,945 Dahlgren is my maiden name. Frost is my married name. 479 00:39:05,028 --> 00:39:08,198 I'm single again, but I never bothered to lose the Frost. 480 00:39:09,866 --> 00:39:13,787 - I get compliments on the hyphen. - I'm sure you would. 481 00:39:14,955 --> 00:39:17,082 I came to invite Cindy to lunch... 482 00:39:17,207 --> 00:39:19,960 but since she's not here, do you have plans? 483 00:39:20,085 --> 00:39:23,421 I've got a lot ofthings to do around here. 484 00:39:23,546 --> 00:39:24,881 Rain check? 485 00:39:26,216 --> 00:39:28,093 I'm only gonna be here a couple days. 486 00:39:28,218 --> 00:39:30,679 Cindy said it would only be a couple ofdays? 487 00:39:30,762 --> 00:39:33,139 She didn't specify. I just assumed. 488 00:39:33,223 --> 00:39:35,976 My father's heart attack, I was out oftown three weeks. 489 00:39:36,059 --> 00:39:38,520 No wonder Cindy didn't call me. 490 00:39:38,645 --> 00:39:42,649 You need a relative for an imposition ofthis size. 491 00:39:51,783 --> 00:39:53,576 Waiting foryour sex? 492 00:39:53,702 --> 00:39:55,328 Shut up! 493 00:39:55,412 --> 00:39:57,038 Tia? 494 00:40:01,793 --> 00:40:04,254 Why'd you blow all that makeup? We'rejust going bowling. 495 00:40:05,505 --> 00:40:07,090 I'm not going bowling. 496 00:40:07,173 --> 00:40:10,927 It's a great sport, and it's impossible to get pregnant while doing it... 497 00:40:11,011 --> 00:40:12,887 ifyou catch my drift. 498 00:40:13,013 --> 00:40:17,559 You're disgusting. I'll die before I go anywhere with you. 499 00:40:17,684 --> 00:40:20,437 - It's going to be fun. - They have rent-a-shoes. 500 00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:22,647 And rent-a-foot-disease. 501 00:40:22,772 --> 00:40:26,443 We've done the battle ofthe wills. The deck's stacked in my favor. 502 00:40:26,568 --> 00:40:28,611 You'll lose again. 503 00:40:28,737 --> 00:40:30,155 Try me. 504 00:40:30,238 --> 00:40:33,408 How'd you like to spend the next few nights wondering... 505 00:40:33,491 --> 00:40:35,785 ifyour crazy, out-of-work bum uncle... 506 00:40:35,869 --> 00:40:39,038 will shave your head while you sleep? 507 00:40:39,164 --> 00:40:41,624 See you in the car. 508 00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,370 Come on up. 509 00:41:20,622 --> 00:41:23,166 There you go. This is a bowling ball. 510 00:41:58,076 --> 00:42:01,412 How you doing? Never seen you here before. 511 00:42:01,538 --> 00:42:05,583 I know about everybody. That's why they call me ''Pal.'' 512 00:42:06,668 --> 00:42:10,713 Buy you a beer? You must be a college student. 513 00:42:11,923 --> 00:42:14,300 Cheerleader probably. 514 00:42:15,635 --> 00:42:17,679 You look fii rm. 515 00:42:17,804 --> 00:42:20,431 Give it a push. That's it. 516 00:42:20,515 --> 00:42:24,018 You like all-terrain vehicles? 517 00:42:24,102 --> 00:42:29,440 I've got a brand-new Bronco right out in the parking lot. Red. 518 00:42:29,524 --> 00:42:31,567 Want to go for a ride? 519 00:42:36,406 --> 00:42:38,866 Ifthe object ofthe game were to get the ball as close to the pins... 520 00:42:38,992 --> 00:42:41,119 without knocking any ofthem over... 521 00:42:41,244 --> 00:42:43,705 you would be champion ofthe world. 522 00:42:43,788 --> 00:42:45,832 - Really? - Really. 523 00:42:52,171 --> 00:42:55,842 My throat hurts. I can't talk. 524 00:42:55,925 --> 00:42:58,136 I've got a cure for that. 525 00:43:05,018 --> 00:43:07,061 You got a game going? 526 00:43:07,186 --> 00:43:10,940 You're not going to get any strikes sitting there, are you? Move it! 527 00:43:11,024 --> 00:43:12,483 Get out! 528 00:43:15,403 --> 00:43:18,114 Shithead, where the hell you been? 529 00:43:23,703 --> 00:43:25,997 Sit down. I want you to meet my niece. 530 00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:27,957 Tia, this is Rog. Rog, Tia. 531 00:43:28,041 --> 00:43:32,336 How are you? E. Roger Coswell. 532 00:43:32,420 --> 00:43:35,673 Come on, it ain't gonna bite. 533 00:43:37,008 --> 00:43:40,094 Okay. You've got to let somebody know where you are. 534 00:43:40,219 --> 00:43:42,680 I've been checking car trunks foryour corpse. 535 00:43:42,805 --> 00:43:47,435 I'm sorry. I've been in the suburbs watching my brother's kids a few days. 536 00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:49,187 They're cuties. 537 00:43:49,312 --> 00:43:52,148 Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say the goddamnedest things. 538 00:43:52,231 --> 00:43:53,691 Is Chanice here? 539 00:43:54,859 --> 00:43:56,819 I'm flying solo tonight. 540 00:43:56,944 --> 00:43:58,821 I want to let her have it for not marrying you. 541 00:43:58,946 --> 00:44:02,784 Ifshe'd marry your worthless butt, I would be able to fii nd you. 542 00:44:02,909 --> 00:44:05,620 I gotta talk business. I can't fii nd you. 543 00:44:05,703 --> 00:44:08,623 Why don't we step into my offiice then? 544 00:44:08,706 --> 00:44:11,667 Excuse us. Come on, big mouth. 545 00:44:11,751 --> 00:44:15,338 - It was nice meeting you. - I'll remember it always. 546 00:44:18,508 --> 00:44:19,926 Cute kid. 547 00:44:20,968 --> 00:44:24,388 -Jimmy Bean called. - Yeah? 548 00:44:24,472 --> 00:44:27,642 He's coming in for the Winter Million at Burlington Park on Friday. 549 00:44:27,725 --> 00:44:32,271 He says it's a boat race, very easy money. He owes you and me. 550 00:44:32,355 --> 00:44:36,818 He says to show up an hour before post time and he'll give us the tip. 551 00:44:36,943 --> 00:44:40,863 Consider this, Buck. With this score, your whole year's covered. 552 00:44:45,993 --> 00:44:47,870 Maybe I can make it work. 553 00:44:48,955 --> 00:44:50,831 I'll see you Friday night. 554 00:44:50,957 --> 00:44:52,416 Thanks, Rog. 555 00:44:52,542 --> 00:44:54,669 Watch the Sterno, will you? 556 00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:01,551 Watch your fii ngers. 557 00:45:05,596 --> 00:45:07,974 What's a ''Chanice''? 558 00:45:08,099 --> 00:45:10,560 That's someone who's sometimes seen around a Buck. 559 00:45:10,685 --> 00:45:12,895 Your girlfriend? 560 00:45:12,979 --> 00:45:15,606 A friend. And, yes, she is a girl. 561 00:45:15,690 --> 00:45:17,567 Are you supposed to marry her? 562 00:45:17,650 --> 00:45:21,404 The subject has come up, but nothing serious. 563 00:45:21,487 --> 00:45:24,657 Maybe ifyou got married, you'd stop being such an asshole. 564 00:45:30,037 --> 00:45:33,207 - Cigar? - No, thanks. 565 00:45:33,291 --> 00:45:35,751 - Let me know ifyou change your mind. - I will. 566 00:45:37,295 --> 00:45:39,755 I'll get it nice and juicy foryou. 567 00:45:48,597 --> 00:45:53,561 This is where you separate the men from the boys. 568 00:45:55,563 --> 00:45:57,023 Easy. Easy. 569 00:45:57,148 --> 00:46:01,152 There you go. Yeah, I got you now. 570 00:46:12,330 --> 00:46:14,707 Happy birthday! 571 00:46:17,543 --> 00:46:20,254 I hope you're hungry. 572 00:46:20,338 --> 00:46:24,008 You should see the toast. I couldn't get it through the door. 573 00:46:33,059 --> 00:46:37,104 Announcement here. There's going to be a delay on the clown. 574 00:46:37,188 --> 00:46:40,524 - What clown? - Miles' mom hired a clown. 575 00:46:56,540 --> 00:46:58,250 You don't like clowns? 576 00:46:58,375 --> 00:47:01,212 Yeah, about fiive years ago. Now they're so boring... 577 00:47:01,295 --> 00:47:03,923 they make me puke. 578 00:47:04,006 --> 00:47:09,053 The vest, the flower. Screw them. That's all they get. 579 00:47:11,597 --> 00:47:14,600 I'm Pooter the Clown. Put it there. 580 00:47:17,269 --> 00:47:18,687 Kids will love that. 581 00:47:18,771 --> 00:47:21,148 I didn't orderyou. My sister-in-law did. 582 00:47:21,232 --> 00:47:23,526 She's not here. I'm the uncle. 583 00:47:23,609 --> 00:47:27,196 - Buck Russell's the name. - I'm sorry I'm late. 584 00:47:27,321 --> 00:47:30,658 I was at this all-night bachelorette party. 585 00:47:30,783 --> 00:47:32,660 Need any dildojokes? 586 00:47:32,785 --> 00:47:34,745 I'm the guy! 587 00:47:38,582 --> 00:47:40,876 Did you have a few drinks this morning? 588 00:47:42,127 --> 00:47:43,712 I thinkyou did, didn't you? 589 00:47:43,796 --> 00:47:47,383 Are you Mother Cabrini? You never touch the stuff? 590 00:47:47,508 --> 00:47:51,804 No, but I wouldn't be drinking if I was gonna entertain some kids. 591 00:47:51,887 --> 00:47:55,558 I don't have to take any shit from you. You know who I am? 592 00:47:55,683 --> 00:47:59,728 In the fiield of local, live home entertainment, I'm a god! 593 00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:05,150 Get in your mouse and get out of here. 594 00:48:05,234 --> 00:48:07,903 Let me tell you something, you lowlife... 595 00:48:07,987 --> 00:48:10,739 lying, four-flushing sack ofshit. 596 00:48:34,179 --> 00:48:36,890 Let's go out to the car. 597 00:48:38,809 --> 00:48:41,186 Why? 598 00:48:42,313 --> 00:48:44,523 What do you mean ''why''? 599 00:48:49,153 --> 00:48:51,280 Not now. 600 00:48:51,405 --> 00:48:52,781 It's fii ne. 601 00:48:54,950 --> 00:48:57,244 It's not fii ne. 602 00:48:57,369 --> 00:48:58,829 Why not? 603 00:49:00,331 --> 00:49:02,374 I don't feel right yet. 604 00:49:04,251 --> 00:49:06,545 You ever going to feel right? 605 00:49:12,009 --> 00:49:13,886 I don't get where we're going. 606 00:49:14,011 --> 00:49:16,847 I told you 25 times. We're going to pick up Tia. 607 00:49:16,930 --> 00:49:20,768 - She's eating at a cheerleader's house. - So she says. 608 00:49:20,851 --> 00:49:24,355 Since when do cheerleaders live in the woods? 609 00:49:27,649 --> 00:49:29,526 I'll take you home. 610 00:49:31,737 --> 00:49:34,198 I don't want to go home. 611 00:49:37,993 --> 00:49:39,787 I'm okay. 612 00:49:39,912 --> 00:49:41,330 Sure? 613 00:49:45,959 --> 00:49:47,419 Trust me. 614 00:49:59,389 --> 00:50:00,766 Shit! 615 00:50:17,449 --> 00:50:19,910 Well, well, well. 616 00:50:19,993 --> 00:50:23,664 They are scraping the bottom of the barrel for cheerleaders these days. 617 00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:27,167 What are you doing here? 618 00:50:27,251 --> 00:50:31,380 We were going out for ice cream. Thought you might like tojoin us. 619 00:50:31,505 --> 00:50:35,509 I said I'd be home at 1 0:00. It's not even 9:00. 620 00:50:38,595 --> 00:50:42,808 Who said anything about that? I thought you'd like tojoin us for ice cream. 621 00:50:42,891 --> 00:50:47,062 Maybe your ''Bug'' here can join us. We can talk about burying the hatchet. 622 00:50:47,145 --> 00:50:50,399 - Do you know what a hatchet is, Bug? - It's an ax? 623 00:50:50,524 --> 00:50:52,651 Sort of, yeah. 624 00:50:52,734 --> 00:50:55,112 I got one in the car ifyou'd like to see it. 625 00:50:56,363 --> 00:50:58,740 - I'll pass. - Fair enough. 626 00:50:58,824 --> 00:51:03,954 I like to carry it. You never know when you're going to need it. 627 00:51:04,037 --> 00:51:06,957 A situation may come up. 628 00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:09,585 For example, someone's been drinking... 629 00:51:09,710 --> 00:51:12,254 and about to drive a loved one home. 630 00:51:12,379 --> 00:51:14,590 Then I like to know I have it. 631 00:51:14,673 --> 00:51:18,427 Not to kill, no. Just to maim. 632 00:51:18,552 --> 00:51:21,346 Take a little off the shoulder. 633 00:51:22,347 --> 00:51:24,474 The elbow. Shave a little meat... 634 00:51:24,558 --> 00:51:26,768 off the old kneecap. 635 00:51:28,228 --> 00:51:30,272 You got both kneecaps? 636 00:51:30,355 --> 00:51:35,944 I like to keep mine razor-sharp. Sharp enough to shave with them. 637 00:51:36,069 --> 00:51:38,614 I've been known to circumcise a gnat. 638 00:51:38,739 --> 00:51:41,116 You're not a gnat, are you, Bug? 639 00:51:41,199 --> 00:51:43,160 Wait a minute. 640 00:51:43,243 --> 00:51:45,203 Bug. Gnat. 641 00:51:46,913 --> 00:51:49,291 Is there a similarity there? 642 00:51:51,126 --> 00:51:53,670 Whoa, I think there is. 643 00:51:56,089 --> 00:51:58,383 You understand what I'm talking about? 644 00:51:59,926 --> 00:52:04,806 I don't thinkyou do. I'll be right back. 645 00:52:11,563 --> 00:52:13,774 I'm sorry. 646 00:52:13,857 --> 00:52:15,901 I thinkyou'd better split. 647 00:52:15,984 --> 00:52:18,362 I don't want him going berserk with an ax on me. 648 00:52:18,445 --> 00:52:19,821 He's all talk. 649 00:52:19,946 --> 00:52:22,657 Here it is! 650 00:52:22,741 --> 00:52:26,411 Come on over! I want to show it to you. 651 00:52:27,913 --> 00:52:29,331 Maybe later. 652 00:52:37,464 --> 00:52:41,843 He's gone in a few days. Just relax. 653 00:52:43,387 --> 00:52:45,514 I'll get him back. 654 00:52:59,653 --> 00:53:03,073 That's a stupid thing to do during flu season. 655 00:53:03,198 --> 00:53:05,575 I bet she's getting the tongue. 656 00:54:08,013 --> 00:54:09,431 Just looking. 657 00:55:28,718 --> 00:55:29,803 Next. 658 00:55:32,639 --> 00:55:35,725 Let me go in fii rst. I'll cover foryou. 659 00:55:35,809 --> 00:55:39,854 Give you more time to relax. All right? 660 00:55:47,195 --> 00:55:48,905 Morning. 661 00:55:56,287 --> 00:55:58,248 I'm Anita Hoargarth. 662 00:55:58,373 --> 00:56:02,544 Buck Melanoma, Moley Russell's wart. 663 00:56:05,463 --> 00:56:09,676 Not her wart. I'm the wart. 664 00:56:09,759 --> 00:56:13,763 She's my tumor, my growth, my pimple. 665 00:56:13,847 --> 00:56:15,807 I'm ''Uncle Wart.'' 666 00:56:15,890 --> 00:56:18,101 Just old Buck ''Wart'' Russell, they call me. 667 00:56:18,184 --> 00:56:21,604 Or Melanoma Head. They'll call me that. 668 00:56:21,729 --> 00:56:23,940 ''Melanoma Head's'' coming. 669 00:56:24,065 --> 00:56:28,445 I'm sor-- Uncle, Maizy Russell's uncle. I'm her uncle. 670 00:56:29,654 --> 00:56:32,574 Her mother set up this conference with you. 671 00:56:32,657 --> 00:56:35,285 I'm assistant principal here... 672 00:56:35,368 --> 00:56:39,581 as you've probably noticed from the indications on the door. 673 00:56:42,917 --> 00:56:44,961 - This door? - The outer door! 674 00:56:45,086 --> 00:56:47,839 The outer door. 'Cause there's nothing on this one. 675 00:56:47,922 --> 00:56:49,883 That's about enough ofthat. 676 00:56:51,593 --> 00:56:53,219 Sorry. 677 00:56:54,554 --> 00:57:00,143 I've been an educator for 31 .3 years... 678 00:57:00,226 --> 00:57:03,646 and in that time, I've seen a lot of bad eggs. 679 00:57:03,771 --> 00:57:07,192 I say ''eggs'' because at the elementary level... 680 00:57:07,317 --> 00:57:10,403 we are not dealing with fully-developed individuals. 681 00:57:14,032 --> 00:57:19,162 I see a bad egg when I look at your niece. 682 00:57:19,287 --> 00:57:22,290 She is a twiddler, a dreamer... 683 00:57:22,415 --> 00:57:25,835 a silly heart and she is a jabberbox. 684 00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:28,087 And, frankly... 685 00:57:28,212 --> 00:57:30,882 I don't think she takes a thing... 686 00:57:30,965 --> 00:57:35,845 in her life or her career as a student seriously. 687 00:57:37,764 --> 00:57:39,474 She's only six. 688 00:57:39,599 --> 00:57:44,896 That is not a valid excuse! I hear that every day and I dismiss it. 689 00:57:44,979 --> 00:57:48,900 I don't want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer or a silly heart. 690 00:57:48,983 --> 00:57:53,279 I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. 691 00:57:53,363 --> 00:57:57,116 I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. 692 00:57:58,576 --> 00:58:03,122 Does anyone have a special story to tell about something that happened? 693 00:58:05,124 --> 00:58:07,168 My uncle was microwaving my socks... 694 00:58:07,251 --> 00:58:10,171 and the dog threw up on the couch for about an hour. 695 00:58:10,296 --> 00:58:13,800 Honest? Why was your uncle microwaving your socks? 696 00:58:13,883 --> 00:58:16,969 He can't get the goddamn washing machine to work. 697 00:58:17,095 --> 00:58:18,805 Blasphemer! 698 00:58:18,888 --> 00:58:21,599 Iknowagoodkid when Isee one. 699 00:58:21,683 --> 00:58:23,726 Because they're aIIgoodkids... 700 00:58:23,810 --> 00:58:26,729 untiIdried-out, brain-deadskags Iikeyou... 701 00:58:26,813 --> 00:58:29,273 drag them down andconvince them they're nogood. 702 00:58:29,399 --> 00:58:33,236 You so much as scowl at my niece or any other kid in this school... 703 00:58:33,319 --> 00:58:36,114 and I hear about it, I'm coming looking foryou. 704 00:58:38,616 --> 00:58:42,286 Take this quarter. Go downtown... 705 00:58:42,412 --> 00:58:44,872 and have a rat gnaw that thing offyour face. 706 00:58:46,332 --> 00:58:48,626 Good day to you, madam. 707 00:58:56,050 --> 00:58:57,301 Next. 708 00:58:57,427 --> 00:58:59,637 Ah, yeah! 709 00:59:19,198 --> 00:59:22,034 Hi, Chanice. This is Terry. 710 00:59:22,118 --> 00:59:24,579 WaIt Bern-- 711 00:59:24,704 --> 00:59:29,250 Would you get with the program? Bernstein is his name. 712 00:59:29,333 --> 00:59:31,627 Iforgot togiveyou the number. Don't get mad. 713 00:59:31,752 --> 00:59:34,755 I hope somebody knows what they're doing down there. 714 00:59:34,881 --> 00:59:37,258 Chanice?Buck. 715 00:59:39,051 --> 00:59:41,262 Ihate these machines. 716 00:59:41,387 --> 00:59:44,891 I'mjust caIIing to say Imissyou. 717 00:59:46,309 --> 00:59:49,187 IknowyouprobabIy don't beIieve it, but it's true. 718 00:59:49,270 --> 00:59:51,230 No, Ihaven't been drinking. 719 00:59:51,355 --> 00:59:53,566 I've been thinking a Iot aboutyou... 720 00:59:53,691 --> 00:59:55,568 and what we've taIkedabout thepast weeks. 721 00:59:55,693 --> 00:59:57,486 Ithinkaboutyou aII the time... 722 00:59:57,570 --> 01:00:01,157 andabout those two dimpIes onyourbuns. 723 01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:02,783 Dimples. 724 01:00:02,909 --> 01:00:05,036 What did we caII them? 725 01:00:05,119 --> 01:00:08,539 The right wasLyndon andthe Ieft wasJohnson. 726 01:00:08,623 --> 01:00:10,583 No, that wasyourboobs. 727 01:00:10,708 --> 01:00:14,045 No, yourboobs were Minnie andMickey. Irememberthat because ofDisney WorId. 728 01:00:14,170 --> 01:00:16,380 AndFeIix is what we caIIedyour-- 729 01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:20,760 Goddamn kids! 730 01:00:20,843 --> 01:00:23,596 Okay, come on, you, get in the house. 731 01:00:23,679 --> 01:00:26,515 What are you doing out here making all this noise? 732 01:00:26,599 --> 01:00:29,060 Get in the house where you belong. Come on! 733 01:00:31,979 --> 01:00:35,733 - Who let the cat out? - We don't have a cat. 734 01:00:35,858 --> 01:00:38,069 Come on, get out. 735 01:00:38,152 --> 01:00:40,112 Go on, shoo! Shoo! 736 01:00:49,872 --> 01:00:51,832 Open up. 737 01:00:59,006 --> 01:01:00,007 Hello? 738 01:01:00,132 --> 01:01:03,636 Hi. May I speak to Buck Russell? This is a friend of his. 739 01:01:03,719 --> 01:01:05,262 Chanice KoboIowski. 740 01:01:07,473 --> 01:01:11,686 I'm sorry, Chanice. He's not here right now. 741 01:01:13,312 --> 01:01:16,482 - Can you tell me when he'll be back? - He went out with Marcie. 742 01:01:16,565 --> 01:01:19,402 The lady who lives across the street. 743 01:01:19,485 --> 01:01:21,612 They usually stay out pretty late. 744 01:01:26,075 --> 01:01:27,952 Do you want to leave a message? 745 01:01:34,875 --> 01:01:36,836 No, there's no message. 746 01:01:55,855 --> 01:01:57,732 No message. 747 01:02:22,965 --> 01:02:24,341 Hot! 748 01:02:37,730 --> 01:02:43,110 - Is there a big sexy guy in here? - Please don't let it be true. 749 01:02:45,738 --> 01:02:49,575 Oh, my God! What are you doing? 750 01:02:49,658 --> 01:02:51,952 The laundry. What's it look like? 751 01:02:52,077 --> 01:02:55,664 Washing machine's still broken so I thought I'd use the microwave. 752 01:02:55,789 --> 01:02:58,542 Nuke them up. Heats them up pretty good. 753 01:02:58,667 --> 01:03:01,045 It kills the germs and odors that they cause. 754 01:03:01,170 --> 01:03:03,047 You don't know what you're doing. 755 01:03:03,172 --> 01:03:06,675 You're bored out ofyour mind. You need adult supervision. 756 01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:09,094 Excuse me? 757 01:03:24,026 --> 01:03:27,529 - Come on. - I don't want to dance. 758 01:03:27,655 --> 01:03:30,908 I don't feel like it. I'm not a dancer. This is ridiculous. 759 01:03:30,991 --> 01:03:33,118 I'm not gonna leave unless you do. 760 01:03:33,202 --> 01:03:35,746 Okay. One dance. That's it. 761 01:03:35,871 --> 01:03:38,958 I really have to take a nap and-- 762 01:03:39,041 --> 01:03:41,585 One dance. That's it. 763 01:03:51,053 --> 01:03:52,513 What's this? 764 01:03:54,890 --> 01:03:57,977 Come on. The dog is watching. What are you doing? 765 01:03:58,060 --> 01:04:00,521 Is that dirty dancing? 766 01:04:01,647 --> 01:04:04,525 Isn't that where you get the girl by the neck and dip her? 767 01:04:05,818 --> 01:04:07,069 Remember that? 768 01:04:07,194 --> 01:04:08,821 Dips. Dips. 769 01:04:18,580 --> 01:04:20,874 Am I bleeding? 770 01:04:22,209 --> 01:04:25,045 Will you get off? My back! 771 01:04:30,843 --> 01:04:32,970 Hello! 772 01:04:37,099 --> 01:04:39,059 I mean it. 773 01:04:41,270 --> 01:04:45,566 This is fun, isn't it? I guess. 774 01:04:45,691 --> 01:04:49,820 My aerobic workout today. Heart's beating like a rabbit here. 775 01:05:12,426 --> 01:05:13,844 Hi, Chanice. 776 01:05:14,970 --> 01:05:16,430 Surprise! 777 01:05:18,307 --> 01:05:20,517 - This is-- - Marcie. 778 01:05:24,313 --> 01:05:27,816 Yeah, Marcie. And she lives across the road. 779 01:05:27,941 --> 01:05:30,861 - She came over to-- - Shut up, Buck. 780 01:05:30,944 --> 01:05:33,071 That's a good idea. 781 01:05:34,907 --> 01:05:37,117 Is this who you were out with last night? 782 01:05:40,579 --> 01:05:43,999 What? I didn't go out last night. 783 01:05:46,126 --> 01:05:48,587 Honest! Honest! I'm telling you the truth. 784 01:05:48,670 --> 01:05:52,090 - You son ofa bitch! - Don't say that. 785 01:05:52,174 --> 01:05:54,635 Don't walk away. Chanice! 786 01:05:55,677 --> 01:05:57,221 Come here! 787 01:05:57,346 --> 01:05:59,223 Come here, hon. 788 01:06:02,184 --> 01:06:03,268 Wait! 789 01:06:03,352 --> 01:06:05,395 Wait. Let me explain. 790 01:06:06,522 --> 01:06:09,399 Chanice, I'm warning you. You're wrecking the driveway. 791 01:06:12,152 --> 01:06:14,279 Come on! 792 01:06:14,363 --> 01:06:16,073 I love you! 793 01:06:34,049 --> 01:06:35,842 What flew up her nose? 794 01:06:42,432 --> 01:06:45,769 You better go home. Okay, Marcie? 795 01:06:45,894 --> 01:06:48,897 Pick up your records. The party's over. 796 01:06:58,949 --> 01:07:03,078 So, I'll just go home and wait for the Federal Express man. 797 01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:14,923 Good night, Uncle Buck. 798 01:07:15,048 --> 01:07:16,925 Good night, sweetheart. 799 01:07:26,351 --> 01:07:29,104 - Uncle Buck? - Yeah? 800 01:07:29,187 --> 01:07:33,025 - Got a minute? - I got lots of minutes. 801 01:07:33,108 --> 01:07:37,154 Now everything's okay with my grandpa, I want to go out tomorrow night. 802 01:07:37,237 --> 01:07:40,741 You can go crazy after I leave. Until then, I'm not letting you out. 803 01:07:47,372 --> 01:07:51,668 - You can't fii nd any way to be cool? - You mean easy? No. 804 01:07:51,793 --> 01:07:54,087 - I mean decent! - You mean blind. 805 01:07:54,212 --> 01:07:58,508 Who are you trying to score points with? My parents? 806 01:07:58,633 --> 01:08:01,011 How many times have they had you here since we moved? 807 01:08:01,094 --> 01:08:04,514 Try none, until they went up shit creek and got stuck. 808 01:08:04,598 --> 01:08:07,350 Get used on your parents' time. 809 01:08:09,102 --> 01:08:11,063 Yeah? 810 01:08:11,146 --> 01:08:13,523 Have a bad day today? 811 01:08:16,318 --> 01:08:19,404 It hurts when someone screws with your life, doesn't it? 812 01:08:38,131 --> 01:08:39,674 Last call. 813 01:08:44,054 --> 01:08:46,181 There you go. 814 01:08:48,934 --> 01:08:50,977 A little foryou, a little for me. 815 01:08:56,858 --> 01:08:58,401 Boy! 816 01:09:00,529 --> 01:09:05,492 People used to say to me, ''Buck, you are one lucky son ofa bitch. 817 01:09:07,869 --> 01:09:10,247 You got it made, Buck.'' 818 01:09:10,372 --> 01:09:12,415 And I did. 819 01:09:12,541 --> 01:09:14,834 They'd say, ''Man, look at you. 820 01:09:14,918 --> 01:09:16,962 You don't have any kids, any wife. 821 01:09:17,045 --> 01:09:20,549 You don't have a desk, an offiice. 822 01:09:20,674 --> 01:09:24,010 You don't have a boss to worry about.'' 823 01:09:27,389 --> 01:09:30,809 They were right. I had it made. 824 01:09:36,356 --> 01:09:39,693 Only thing now is, Perce... 825 01:09:40,819 --> 01:09:43,446 nobody says that anymore. 826 01:09:47,826 --> 01:09:49,786 Oh, boy. 827 01:09:49,911 --> 01:09:51,955 But... 828 01:09:52,038 --> 01:09:54,416 it'll all be better tomorrow. 829 01:09:56,918 --> 01:09:58,878 It always is. 830 01:10:01,339 --> 01:10:05,010 Because tomorrow, we go to the track... 831 01:10:05,093 --> 01:10:08,847 win some dough, some serious dough. 832 01:10:12,934 --> 01:10:15,770 Make a lot of money tomorrow, kiddo. 833 01:10:15,854 --> 01:10:18,398 Want a little pretzel with your beer? 834 01:10:24,571 --> 01:10:26,781 U.B. went to school to pickyou up. 835 01:10:26,865 --> 01:10:29,743 Tell U.B. when he gets home that he lost. Okay? 836 01:10:29,826 --> 01:10:31,453 Lost what? 837 01:10:31,578 --> 01:10:35,081 Just tell him. He'll know what it means. I'll see you guys Sunday. 838 01:10:35,165 --> 01:10:38,168 - What day is today? - Friday. 839 01:10:38,251 --> 01:10:41,004 - You know what that means. -Jumbo party. 840 01:10:41,087 --> 01:10:44,257 You can put that on a platter and serve it up hot. 841 01:11:44,484 --> 01:11:46,027 U.B.'s home. 842 01:11:46,110 --> 01:11:48,238 Tia? Tia! 843 01:11:48,363 --> 01:11:50,240 You guys seen Tia? 844 01:11:50,365 --> 01:11:51,991 She took a breeze. 845 01:11:55,328 --> 01:11:59,165 And she promised me she was going to look afteryou guys this evening. 846 01:11:59,290 --> 01:12:02,377 She promised me! So much for promises. 847 01:12:02,502 --> 01:12:05,421 Does anyone in this house know how to keep a promise? 848 01:12:05,547 --> 01:12:08,091 I know you two do. 849 01:12:08,216 --> 01:12:11,469 I had somewhere important to go tonight. 850 01:12:11,594 --> 01:12:13,805 This is how I make my living. 851 01:12:13,930 --> 01:12:17,600 This was very important to me. My whole year was based on tonight. 852 01:12:17,725 --> 01:12:21,312 It may be peanuts to your dad, but it's my living. 853 01:12:21,396 --> 01:12:25,692 I have no choice. I don't care what your parents will say. 854 01:12:25,817 --> 01:12:27,861 - I have to take you with me tonight. - Where? 855 01:12:27,944 --> 01:12:30,488 To a racetrack. 856 01:12:33,032 --> 01:12:36,286 Here we go. Do you have to go to the bathroom? 857 01:12:36,411 --> 01:12:38,288 - You sure? - Yep. 858 01:12:38,413 --> 01:12:41,749 This is going to be fun. Beautiful horses, interesting people. 859 01:12:43,042 --> 01:12:46,129 - And we'll win some serious coin? - Sometimes. 860 01:12:46,212 --> 01:12:49,882 That's not the real reason people go there. People go... 861 01:12:50,008 --> 01:12:53,428 because ofthe beautiful horses... 862 01:12:53,553 --> 01:12:56,014 and colorful jockeys, and-- 863 01:12:56,097 --> 01:12:58,641 Bug picked up Tia? 864 01:12:58,766 --> 01:13:00,893 She said she was going to a party. 865 01:13:01,019 --> 01:13:04,606 She said she'd be back Sunday. Must be a slumber party. 866 01:13:07,150 --> 01:13:10,153 Hop in the back. Get your belts on. 867 01:13:11,195 --> 01:13:14,949 Let her go to a party all weekend! She's old enough to know better. 868 01:13:15,908 --> 01:13:18,828 She doesn't listen to anybody anyway. 869 01:13:18,911 --> 01:13:20,371 Damn kids. 870 01:14:03,790 --> 01:14:05,500 Yeah? Kobolowski Tires. 871 01:14:06,334 --> 01:14:07,960 Hi. It's me. 872 01:14:08,044 --> 01:14:10,797 Can't you ever take a hint? 873 01:14:10,880 --> 01:14:14,467 It's not about me. I got a problem at the house. 874 01:14:14,550 --> 01:14:16,761 Ineedsomebody to watch the kids. 875 01:14:16,886 --> 01:14:18,763 No, I'll tell you what you need. 876 01:14:18,888 --> 01:14:21,557 Your horse fiixer's in town and you need to get to the track. 877 01:14:21,641 --> 01:14:23,768 I ran into Rog. He told me all about it. 878 01:14:23,893 --> 01:14:26,979 The idiot hadthe nerve to ask me fora Ioan. 879 01:14:27,063 --> 01:14:30,566 What, you can't take children when you're going to cheat on a horse race? 880 01:14:30,650 --> 01:14:32,860 You got some religion out there in the 'burbs? 881 01:14:32,985 --> 01:14:36,239 I came close. I had them in the car. 882 01:14:36,322 --> 01:14:39,575 Can we put our personal problems aside? 883 01:14:39,659 --> 01:14:42,912 Tia took off on me. I was supposed to pick her up after school. 884 01:14:42,995 --> 01:14:44,956 - She wasn 't there. - She ran away? 885 01:14:45,081 --> 01:14:48,417 I guess. I don't know. 886 01:14:48,501 --> 01:14:50,878 She's 1 5. She's angry. 887 01:14:51,003 --> 01:14:54,674 She's confused. AndIneedto findher. 888 01:14:55,716 --> 01:14:58,094 Can you help me? 889 01:14:59,011 --> 01:15:01,222 I'm reaIIystuck. 890 01:15:04,350 --> 01:15:09,146 All right. I will help you because there's kids involved. 891 01:15:09,230 --> 01:15:11,357 But as far as you and I are concerned... 892 01:15:11,482 --> 01:15:13,359 it is over. 893 01:15:14,443 --> 01:15:16,320 However it has to be. 894 01:15:18,364 --> 01:15:20,324 - I'll be there. - Thankyou. 895 01:15:20,449 --> 01:15:22,660 For what it's worth, I'm sorry. 896 01:15:44,223 --> 01:15:46,100 Your car's on fii re. 897 01:15:46,225 --> 01:15:48,436 No. It'sjust a little oil. 898 01:15:48,519 --> 01:15:51,230 I'm looking for a party somewhere around here. 899 01:15:51,314 --> 01:15:53,190 That's on Totowa Lane. 900 01:15:53,316 --> 01:15:55,192 My niece is there. 901 01:15:55,318 --> 01:15:57,445 - Our son is there. - Kids! 902 01:15:57,570 --> 01:16:00,823 I don't thinkyou ought to go in there with that hat on. They'll kill you. 903 01:16:00,906 --> 01:16:02,950 Really? Thanks for the tip. 904 01:16:48,788 --> 01:16:53,167 I'm supposed to come over and watch you. 905 01:16:55,961 --> 01:17:00,841 Hi. I'm Chanice Kobolowski. I'm Uncle Buck's friend. 906 01:17:00,925 --> 01:17:02,718 May I see your driver's license? 907 01:17:03,969 --> 01:17:05,596 Yeah. 908 01:17:05,721 --> 01:17:09,058 Sure. Good idea. 909 01:17:10,309 --> 01:17:12,770 Wait. I got it. 910 01:17:14,438 --> 01:17:16,399 See. Look. 911 01:17:16,482 --> 01:17:19,318 - Please take it out. - Take it out? 912 01:17:43,300 --> 01:17:45,427 You okay? 913 01:17:45,553 --> 01:17:47,847 What's the matter? 914 01:18:11,954 --> 01:18:14,582 Coming through. How you doing? 915 01:18:15,749 --> 01:18:17,710 Having a good time? 916 01:18:17,835 --> 01:18:20,546 Have you seen a guy named Bug? 917 01:18:21,714 --> 01:18:24,550 I'm Tia Russell's uncle. You know Tia? 918 01:18:24,675 --> 01:18:28,721 No? She's kind of new. I'm her uncle. 919 01:18:28,846 --> 01:18:32,600 You haven't seen the Bug around here, have you? 920 01:18:32,725 --> 01:18:34,768 Nice guy. 921 01:18:34,894 --> 01:18:37,563 Hey, come back here with that! 922 01:18:43,777 --> 01:18:47,823 How you doing? Anybody seen Bug around here? 923 01:18:47,907 --> 01:18:50,910 Hey, nice music. 924 01:18:50,993 --> 01:18:54,663 Who is that, the Grass Roots? I'm kidding. I know my music. 925 01:19:00,711 --> 01:19:03,339 Stop it, please. 926 01:19:05,883 --> 01:19:10,012 What the hell is that? Hey, party time! 927 01:19:10,095 --> 01:19:14,016 Let's get down here! You seen Bug around here? 928 01:19:14,099 --> 01:19:17,269 You seen Bug? That's good stuff. 929 01:19:18,896 --> 01:19:21,023 Keep it up. 930 01:19:21,106 --> 01:19:23,233 Nice work. 931 01:19:23,359 --> 01:19:26,278 How you doing? Excuse me. 932 01:19:26,362 --> 01:19:27,988 Crowded, huh? 933 01:19:31,533 --> 01:19:33,994 I don't want to do this. 934 01:19:34,078 --> 01:19:36,038 Just relax. 935 01:19:37,956 --> 01:19:41,794 Hello, young fellow. I'm Tia Russell's uncle, Buck Russell. 936 01:19:41,919 --> 01:19:45,506 Have you seen the Bug around? No? I'm looking for him. 937 01:19:45,631 --> 01:19:48,967 You're Tia Russell's uncle? Really? 938 01:19:49,051 --> 01:19:51,428 Hey, give me that! 939 01:19:51,512 --> 01:19:54,139 Take my hat, you punk! 940 01:19:54,223 --> 01:19:56,433 - Don't mention it. - All right, Pop. 941 01:19:58,769 --> 01:20:03,232 You haven't seen a guy named Bug, have you? Everybody knows Bug. Hip guy. 942 01:20:03,315 --> 01:20:06,985 Let me through, will you? Your mother know you do that? 943 01:20:10,489 --> 01:20:12,699 This room's taken. 944 01:20:12,825 --> 01:20:14,868 - I want to go. - No, you don't. 945 01:20:18,497 --> 01:20:22,084 That door opens, I'm going to kick somebody's ass! 946 01:20:23,085 --> 01:20:25,045 Did you hear me? 947 01:22:36,510 --> 01:22:38,470 You were right. 948 01:22:39,971 --> 01:22:42,808 Everything you said would happen happened. 949 01:22:44,559 --> 01:22:47,437 I don't want to talk about it. I just want to get you home. 950 01:23:22,723 --> 01:23:24,683 Is this a trick? 951 01:23:29,479 --> 01:23:31,440 No. 952 01:23:34,526 --> 01:23:36,570 You know what happened? 953 01:23:39,114 --> 01:23:40,532 Yeah. 954 01:23:43,785 --> 01:23:46,872 Are you going to tell my parents about everything that's been going on? 955 01:23:49,541 --> 01:23:51,835 No. 956 01:23:53,712 --> 01:23:55,589 Thanks. 957 01:23:58,717 --> 01:24:03,180 I've been riding your butt all week about how you live your life. 958 01:24:05,348 --> 01:24:08,935 I realized maybe somebody should have been riding mine. 959 01:24:09,019 --> 01:24:12,439 I'm probably the last guy in the world you'd want to help... 960 01:24:15,400 --> 01:24:18,028 but I really could use your advice vis-a-vis Chanice. 961 01:24:19,738 --> 01:24:21,364 I've been... 962 01:24:21,489 --> 01:24:26,286 stringing her along for about eight years now. 963 01:24:26,369 --> 01:24:29,623 Maybe you could fii gure out what the hell is wrong with me. 964 01:24:31,082 --> 01:24:33,543 I did such a greatjob earning your trust and admiration... 965 01:24:33,668 --> 01:24:36,838 I'm confused why I can't do the same with Chanice. 966 01:24:46,264 --> 01:24:48,725 You know, there's... 967 01:24:50,769 --> 01:24:53,939 one family charity case... 968 01:24:55,357 --> 01:24:57,734 that loves you very much. 969 01:24:59,194 --> 01:25:00,445 I'm sorry. 970 01:25:02,030 --> 01:25:04,074 Come on. 971 01:25:04,199 --> 01:25:06,952 Nothing to be sorry about. 972 01:25:07,035 --> 01:25:10,705 I'm just kind of glad I got a chance to know you again. 973 01:25:14,876 --> 01:25:17,796 Did you do anything to Bug? 974 01:25:24,511 --> 01:25:26,304 Oh, my God! 975 01:25:27,430 --> 01:25:29,724 What did you do? 976 01:25:39,985 --> 01:25:43,071 You shithead! I could have suffocated! 977 01:25:43,154 --> 01:25:46,241 Do you know what I'd like you to do? 978 01:25:46,324 --> 01:25:50,578 You could be doing both of us a favor. I'd like you to apologize to the lady. 979 01:25:50,662 --> 01:25:52,956 I'm sorry! 980 01:25:54,499 --> 01:25:56,209 Okay, asshole? 981 01:25:56,334 --> 01:25:58,044 I'm sorry! 982 01:25:58,128 --> 01:26:01,881 I don't know if I've told you this, but I'm an amateur dentist. 983 01:26:02,549 --> 01:26:05,009 Oh, yes, he is. 984 01:26:12,851 --> 01:26:14,102 I'm sorry. 985 01:26:15,019 --> 01:26:16,563 Get him out. 986 01:26:16,688 --> 01:26:19,858 Yeah? It was halfhearted. We'll let him. 987 01:26:19,983 --> 01:26:23,069 - I'm really sorry. - I'm sure you are. 988 01:26:23,194 --> 01:26:26,197 - I am. - Let me get you. There you go. 989 01:26:26,322 --> 01:26:29,325 I didn't mean to hurt anybody. 990 01:26:29,451 --> 01:26:30,952 There you go. 991 01:26:31,035 --> 01:26:32,746 I'm sorry. 992 01:26:40,170 --> 01:26:42,130 - Shall we? - Yeah. 993 01:26:48,762 --> 01:26:52,098 Yeah? Come on back and I'll kickyour ass, man! 994 01:26:52,182 --> 01:26:55,602 Chicken shit! You're dead! 995 01:26:55,727 --> 01:26:57,437 Shit. 996 01:27:03,109 --> 01:27:05,487 I'm going to sue your balls off, man! 997 01:27:05,570 --> 01:27:09,574 Why don't you come and get me, man? Come on! 998 01:27:10,617 --> 01:27:15,163 Come on, man. I'm going to sue you and your whole family! 999 01:27:15,246 --> 01:27:18,666 Okay, pal, time for a golf lesson. 1000 01:27:18,750 --> 01:27:21,044 My dad's a lawyer! You're history! 1001 01:27:21,169 --> 01:27:24,172 A little fiive wood. 1002 01:27:26,090 --> 01:27:29,427 What? What? What are you doing, man? 1003 01:27:32,805 --> 01:27:36,142 You're history. You're wasted. I'm going to sue you for everything you've got! 1004 01:27:36,226 --> 01:27:39,020 You're going to be broke so come and get me! 1005 01:27:40,605 --> 01:27:42,899 You fat sucker! 1006 01:27:43,024 --> 01:27:44,192 Yes, sir! 1007 01:27:45,443 --> 01:27:48,363 You son ofa bitch! That hurt! 1008 01:27:48,446 --> 01:27:52,200 Hey! I'm not sorry, all right? 1009 01:27:52,325 --> 01:27:54,869 I ain't sorry for shit! 1010 01:27:57,789 --> 01:28:01,125 What do you see in that guy anyway? 1011 01:28:01,209 --> 01:28:03,920 I can't for the life of me fii gure that one out. 1012 01:28:04,003 --> 01:28:07,257 Don't answer. You don't have to. 1013 01:28:10,093 --> 01:28:13,263 I appreciate the confession. Thanks a lot. 1014 01:28:13,388 --> 01:28:15,515 But my problems with Buck go deeper... 1015 01:28:15,640 --> 01:28:17,850 than a misunderstanding with a neighbor lady. 1016 01:28:17,976 --> 01:28:19,852 Don't you think he loves you? 1017 01:28:21,980 --> 01:28:23,940 If he does, he'd never say it. 1018 01:28:24,065 --> 01:28:25,775 What if he did? 1019 01:28:25,900 --> 01:28:28,444 Then I would suspect he needed a new set oftires. 1020 01:28:29,696 --> 01:28:31,072 Seriously. 1021 01:28:31,197 --> 01:28:34,534 Seriously, you're very sweet to talk about this. 1022 01:28:35,910 --> 01:28:38,037 But you don't understand the bigger picture. 1023 01:28:38,162 --> 01:28:40,957 Buck's a charming man who wants to remain a boy forever. 1024 01:28:43,501 --> 01:28:47,714 At my age, that doesn't make for a lasting relationship. 1025 01:28:49,632 --> 01:28:52,552 I think he'd make a wonderful husband and father. 1026 01:28:52,635 --> 01:28:54,429 - You do? - Oh, yeah. 1027 01:28:54,512 --> 01:28:56,222 My sister and brother adore him. 1028 01:28:57,724 --> 01:29:02,687 He really has changed since he's been here this week. 1029 01:29:02,812 --> 01:29:05,273 He really has changed. 1030 01:29:05,356 --> 01:29:08,693 He's responsible, caring... 1031 01:29:08,776 --> 01:29:10,903 loving... 1032 01:29:11,029 --> 01:29:14,949 and enthusiastic. 1033 01:29:15,033 --> 01:29:19,996 - Energetic. - And energetic and decent. 1034 01:29:22,040 --> 01:29:23,583 Kind and-- 1035 01:29:25,793 --> 01:29:27,754 And humble... 1036 01:29:27,879 --> 01:29:30,006 and honest and forthright. 1037 01:29:30,131 --> 01:29:31,466 Sense of humor. 1038 01:29:31,549 --> 01:29:33,593 And he's really got a great sense of humor. 1039 01:29:33,676 --> 01:29:36,471 Did he put you up to this? 1040 01:29:36,554 --> 01:29:38,347 No! 1041 01:29:38,473 --> 01:29:42,310 No. I'vejust gathered this from my own observations. 1042 01:29:44,854 --> 01:29:46,814 - It'sjust the way he is. - Really? 1043 01:29:54,822 --> 01:29:57,825 - Really? - Oh, yeah! 1044 01:29:57,909 --> 01:30:00,620 So unlike him. 1045 01:30:15,551 --> 01:30:17,595 Check this out. 1046 01:30:22,767 --> 01:30:24,560 Hi, honey. 1047 01:30:24,685 --> 01:30:26,979 Is the coffee ready? 1048 01:30:28,105 --> 01:30:29,982 A little thirsty. 1049 01:30:30,107 --> 01:30:33,444 By the way, I have told you I loved you... 1050 01:30:33,569 --> 01:30:36,447 and it wasn't for tires, sweetheart. 1051 01:30:36,531 --> 01:30:38,658 It was for shocks, remember? 1052 01:30:43,871 --> 01:30:46,082 Are they sweethearts or what? 1053 01:30:46,207 --> 01:30:49,877 This one's smart as a whip. I'm going to miss them like crazy. 1054 01:30:50,002 --> 01:30:52,964 They're beautiful children. What happened to you? 1055 01:30:53,047 --> 01:30:55,716 Recessive gene, skips every nine generations. 1056 01:30:55,800 --> 01:30:58,427 I got it this time. Tragic. 1057 01:30:58,511 --> 01:31:00,721 It isn't so bad, is it? 1058 01:31:00,805 --> 01:31:02,223 What? 1059 01:31:02,306 --> 01:31:04,183 The house, the family, the kids. 1060 01:31:04,308 --> 01:31:07,478 Oh, yeah. It was great. This is great. 1061 01:31:07,603 --> 01:31:11,816 We should have done this a long time ago, you and I. 1062 01:31:25,913 --> 01:31:27,873 They're here. 1063 01:31:33,462 --> 01:31:36,882 What are we doing? 1064 01:31:37,008 --> 01:31:38,718 Your mother... 1065 01:31:38,843 --> 01:31:41,053 and your sister have to... 1066 01:31:41,178 --> 01:31:44,348 sort some things out. 1067 01:31:44,473 --> 01:31:46,517 So we're going to be very quiet for them. 1068 01:31:46,642 --> 01:31:49,186 So why don't we put a button on it... 1069 01:31:52,690 --> 01:31:54,734 and a zipper like that... 1070 01:31:54,859 --> 01:31:57,153 and a lock. 1071 01:31:57,278 --> 01:32:00,865 I can't talk at all. I throw the key away. 1072 01:32:55,252 --> 01:32:59,715 It's going to be real different. I promise. 1073 01:32:59,840 --> 01:33:02,301 I love you. 1074 01:33:14,271 --> 01:33:15,523 Shit! 1075 01:33:15,606 --> 01:33:19,026 - Bye. - Bye, Uncle Buck. 1076 01:33:19,109 --> 01:33:21,487 Could I get out the door, please? 1077 01:33:21,612 --> 01:33:23,656 - I'm going! - This is heavy. 1078 01:33:23,739 --> 01:33:26,492 Bye, Chanice. 1079 01:33:26,575 --> 01:33:28,118 Thanks again, Buck. 1080 01:33:28,244 --> 01:33:32,164 Next time you're downtown, maybe we can go out for a coffee. 1081 01:33:36,752 --> 01:33:39,838 We really had a good time. I know it's ridiculous. 1082 01:33:39,964 --> 01:33:43,300 We did leave the house a little messy. We tried. We're not so good at clean. 1083 01:33:43,384 --> 01:33:46,387 - What? - We're going home. We're not dying. 1084 01:33:46,470 --> 01:33:49,807 I'm saying good-bye. Is that all right? Nice guy! 1085 01:33:49,890 --> 01:33:53,936 Tell the neighbors we're sorry about having that parked in the driveway. 1086 01:33:54,019 --> 01:33:57,189 - He's getting a new company car Monday. - The hell I am! 1087 01:33:57,273 --> 01:34:00,526 - It's good for another 1 00,000 miles. - Too bad you're not. 1088 01:34:00,609 --> 01:34:04,363 That's funny, Chanice. See what I put up with? And don't drive fast. 1089 01:34:04,488 --> 01:34:07,825 I'm not fiixing any more tickets foryou.