1 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:20,427 - Do you think they'll come, sir? - They'll come, all right. 2 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,179 Here. Stamp those and mail them. 3 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,179 It's ringing. 4 00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:09,350 Would you walk Myron the other way? My leg looks like a tree in this fog. 5 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:10,935 Come on. 6 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,398 What a godforsaken spot to get lost. 7 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:19,611 It's true. I saw a much better spot a few miles back. 8 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,540 Hello? 9 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,796 Good. Tell them we're lost. 10 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,515 - The phone's dead. - Why'd you say "hello"? 11 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,391 - I could've sworn- - What? 12 00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:54,103 - Sounded like somebody snipped the wire. - Really? 13 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,731 What did it sound like? 14 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,483 Snip. 15 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:08,368 - Some fog, eh, Pop? - I've already heard the weather report. 16 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,953 Drive, please. 17 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,247 It's as thick as pea soup. 18 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,332 Not a soul around for miles. 19 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,627 Know what I think? Perfect place for a murder. 20 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:21,965 Conversation like television set on honeymoon: 21 00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,424 Unnecessary. 22 00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,920 Where are we going, anyway, Pop? 23 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:06,009 Who is this Mr. Twain? What'd he mean, "dinner and a murder"? 24 00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,845 Questions like athlete's foot: 25 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:12,265 After a while, very irritating. 26 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,852 To stop car, please. 27 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,229 - What's wrong? - Stop car, please. 28 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,526 To shut engine off, please. 29 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,738 Listen. 30 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:30,158 I don't hear nothing. What do you hear? 31 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:34,037 - Double negative and dog. - So it's a dog. So what? 32 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,788 If not mistaken... 33 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,624 ...dog belong to Mr. Dick Charleston. 34 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,044 - Who's Dick Charleston? - I am. 35 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,714 You don't happen to have seen a little white - Wang! 36 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,215 A white Wang? 37 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:50,261 Sidney Wang! What are you doing in this godforsaken spot? 38 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,263 No doubt, same as you. 39 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:56,976 Looking for bridge that lead to home of host, Mr. Lionel Twain. 40 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,186 You too, huh? 41 00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:01,397 Must be important to invite two such detectives. 42 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,942 Excuse, please, to introduce Japanese son, Willie. 43 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,820 Japanese? But I thought- 44 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,615 Mrs. Wang and I couldn't have children. 45 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:13,076 Willie: adopted number three son. 46 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:15,578 Careful on this road. It's treacherous. 47 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:19,123 Treacherous road like fresh mushroom. Must always- 48 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:22,835 Idiot! Not finish mushroom story. 49 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,629 You're idiot! 50 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:36,432 Sorry, but I see nothing. This fog's as thick as bouillabaisse. 51 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,434 - Nuts! - I beg your pardon? 52 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:42,104 Nuts, nuts! There are no nuts in my chocolate! 53 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:46,025 You let that imbecile in the shop give you raisins. 54 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,902 He didn't have any nuts. 55 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:52,907 - The man in the shop? - That's the reason I took the raisins. 56 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,034 Never mind. 57 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,954 We'll soon be there for dinner. Hot soup. 58 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,207 Something is not right in all of this, huh? 59 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,251 I can feel it in my bones. 60 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,255 - In your what? - In my bones. 61 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,383 Buns? You have buns? 62 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,010 You bought buns and didn't tell me? 63 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,596 - Where are the buns? - No, monsieur. 64 00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:17,932 The bones in my body. 65 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:22,144 You shouldn't speak with an accent when you know I'm hungry. 66 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:34,198 If you ask me, Sam, this is a wild goose chase. 67 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,617 - Nobody asked you. - Yes, they did. 68 00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:39,495 You asked me back there if I thought- 69 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,497 That was then. This is now. 70 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,958 Nobody knows what tomorrow will be. 71 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:47,378 That's the way it is, whether we like it or not. 72 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,339 Sam, I really worry about you sometimes. 73 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:53,843 Cut the malarkey. This trip is strictly business. 74 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:58,389 - What do you got on Twain? - He was born in San Francisco in 1906. 75 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:01,642 His mother was Catholic, father an Orthodox Jew. 76 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:04,061 They separated two hours after the marriage. 77 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:07,064 - Any children? - Yeah, one daughter, 32. 78 00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:09,692 Her name's Irene, but she goes by Rita. 79 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,779 Just like a dame. Don't stop, angel. You're doing fine. 80 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,992 He was arrested in 1932 for selling pornographic bibles. 81 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:21,954 Charges were dropped when the church didn't turn over the bibles. 82 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:27,126 There's nothing on him until '46 when he was picked up in El Paso... 83 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:31,005 ...for smuggling a truckload of rich, white Americans... 84 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,215 ...into Mexico to pick melons. 85 00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:36,844 He was sent to the state hospital for mental observation. 86 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:41,307 I think we picked ourselves a queer bird, angel. Anything else? 87 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,351 Yeah. Get this, Sam. 88 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:48,314 Twain has one interesting physical characteristic. He has no pinkies. 89 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:53,611 No pinkies? Twain's only got eight fingers? 90 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:57,865 No, no. He's got 10. He just doesn't have any pinkies. 91 00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,868 - You did your homework good. - Thanks. 92 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:04,497 - Where'd you dig that up? - I wrote Twain and asked. 93 00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:06,582 Good thinking. 94 00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:12,338 - What's the matter? - Wouldn't you know, out of gas. 95 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:18,302 I saw a station about five miles back, Sam. 96 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:23,557 I want you to know I'm gonna be waiting for you, baby. 97 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:38,614 Here's the bridge, Pop. Doesn't look safe to me. 98 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,742 One way to find out. Drive across. 99 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:44,245 Aren't you gonna come with me? 100 00:11:44,411 --> 00:11:47,498 Weight of two men may be too much for bridge. 101 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,583 Then why do I get to drive? 102 00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:53,671 Because I smart enough to get out first. 103 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:11,438 I'm not gonna make it. It's gonna collapse. 104 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:14,984 Not worry. Father find other way to house. 105 00:12:27,162 --> 00:12:29,290 I made it, Pop! I made it! 106 00:12:29,456 --> 00:12:33,919 Good! Good! Now come back and get adopted father. 107 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:40,050 Look at invitation. What number of house? 108 00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:42,469 - Two-two... - Correct. 109 00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:44,138 2-2, Twain's house. 110 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:45,681 Continue. 111 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,334 - Did you see that? - No. 112 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,628 Neither did I. 113 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,845 Stop! Do not move. 114 00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:27,014 Something's wrong here. 115 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:30,434 - What is it? - Do not ask questions. Do as I say. 116 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:33,437 When I tell you jump, you jump. 117 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,981 One, two, three... 118 00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,442 ...jump! 119 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,236 Holy Shanghai! 120 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,948 Nice counting. But how'd you know? 121 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,492 Look on ground. 122 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,830 Even had correct shoe size. 123 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,041 Someone gone great trouble... 124 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:57,878 ...to make welcome guests not so welcome. 125 00:13:58,045 --> 00:13:59,630 Ring bell, please. 126 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,758 Are you nuts? Someone's trying to kill us. 127 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:07,096 Yes. Should make exciting weekend. Ring, please. 128 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,599 I wish it was Monday morning. 129 00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:14,269 Well, here goes. 130 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,649 They're killing someone in there! 131 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:21,902 - Calm yourself. - Didn't you hear her scream? 132 00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,654 No. You heard scream. 133 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,698 More experienced ear heard doorbell. 134 00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:28,325 Listen again. 135 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:38,168 Mr. Twain has macabre sense of humour, yeah? 136 00:15:00,023 --> 00:15:02,901 Good evening. We have been expecting you. 137 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:07,114 But in what condition? Roof in need of repair. 138 00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:11,535 Indeed. I'm afraid the house is falling apart. 139 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:17,124 - May we come in, please? - I'm sorry. I thought you were in. 140 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,502 You are Mr. and Mrs. Charleston? 141 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,337 Not quite. 142 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:25,924 I am Inspector Wang of Catalina, please. 143 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,385 This adopted son, Willie. 144 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,307 I trust you had a pleasant journey despite the storm? 145 00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:46,862 Strange weather. 146 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:50,782 Storm only outside when inside. 147 00:15:50,949 --> 00:15:54,953 That. That's just one of Mr. Twain's little toys. 148 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,830 An electronic device. 149 00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:59,666 Mr. Twain, as you will soon discover... 150 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:02,419 ...prefers his atmosphere murky. 151 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:05,505 - May I have your bags, sir? - No, no. 152 00:16:05,672 --> 00:16:09,051 Son will get bags. That is why I adopted him. 153 00:16:09,217 --> 00:16:10,802 Very good, sir. 154 00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:14,348 One moment, please, while I close the door. 155 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:22,105 Now, if you will follow me, I will show you to your room. 156 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:36,536 Very large house. No other servants? 157 00:16:36,703 --> 00:16:40,540 I'm not sure. I've never seen anyone. 158 00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:46,672 Mr. Twain asked me to see that you're made comfortable... 159 00:16:46,838 --> 00:16:49,716 ...and to say he'll join you after dinner. 160 00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:53,762 After dinner? Host not have dinner with guests? 161 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:57,808 No. Mr. Twain prefers to eat out. 162 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:16,159 - Wait, please. What that? - That? It's nothing. Just the cat. 163 00:17:18,161 --> 00:17:19,746 That cat? 164 00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:22,791 You feed cat dog food? 165 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,544 I'm afraid he's a very angry cat, sir. 166 00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:29,506 Mr. Twain had him fixed, and he didn't want to be. 167 00:17:32,175 --> 00:17:33,969 Big house, huh, Pop? 168 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:37,264 Big house like man married to fat woman: 169 00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,349 Hard to get around. 170 00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:44,146 Here we are. I'm sure you'll find this suitable. 171 00:17:44,312 --> 00:17:47,274 - It's a cold house. - I've taken care of that. 172 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,611 You'll find a nice, cosy fire in your room. 173 00:18:09,337 --> 00:18:10,964 It's a bit smoky, sir. 174 00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:14,676 I'm afraid that fireplace hasn't been used in years. 175 00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:19,764 - At least the bed will be warm. - If you wish anything, please ring. 176 00:18:19,931 --> 00:18:24,269 - Where buzzer? - It's behind the bed, sir, there. 177 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,188 Dinner will be at 9:00... 178 00:18:26,354 --> 00:18:29,441 ...and Mr. Twain likes his guests to dress. 179 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:34,070 The doorbell. Excuse me. 180 00:18:37,490 --> 00:18:39,034 Wow! What a creepy guy. 181 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,245 Why would anyone want to hire a blind butler? 182 00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:44,456 For one thing, very cheap. 183 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:48,585 How butler know how much he get paid? 184 00:18:51,254 --> 00:18:53,381 Drink this. You'll feel better. 185 00:18:53,548 --> 00:18:57,135 If Myron hadn't barked, we'd have missed the statue falling. 186 00:18:57,302 --> 00:19:00,013 It wasn't meant to kill. It's a warning. 187 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,890 Somebody's trying to frighten us. Why? 188 00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:04,559 Whatever his reason, he's doing well. 189 00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:09,064 - Why hasn't anybody answered? - Don't ring it! Knock, don't ring. 190 00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,774 I won't, I promise. 191 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:22,327 - What is it now, Myron? - Up there, Dora. Look. 192 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:27,374 - A blind butler. - Don't let him park the car, Dickie. 193 00:19:33,546 --> 00:19:36,925 Good evening. We have been expecting you. 194 00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:40,178 We let ourselves in. Dick and Dora Charleston. 195 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:43,306 Good evening. We have been expecting you. 196 00:19:44,557 --> 00:19:48,812 Your room is ready, if you'll just follow me, please. 197 00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:52,691 Don't mind him. It's just the cat. 198 00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:59,447 - We left our luggage in the trunk. - I'll get it later... 199 00:19:59,614 --> 00:20:02,200 ...when I park the car. 200 00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:09,499 - Was that Mr. Wang's car out front? - Yes. They're resting in their room. 201 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:13,253 I've put you in the same wing as Mr. Wang. 202 00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:16,673 Isn't that nice? We're in Wang's wing. 203 00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:27,517 Not many people come to the manor these days. 204 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,811 It's nice to hear guests again. 205 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:32,063 - Thanks. You are? - Bensonmum. 206 00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:33,648 Thank you, Benson. 207 00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:36,901 Bensonmum. My name is Bensonmum. 208 00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:40,321 - Bensonmum? - Yes, sir. Jamesir Bensonmum. 209 00:20:40,488 --> 00:20:42,323 - Jamesir? - Yes, sir. 210 00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:44,742 - Jamesir Bensonmum? - Yes, sir. 211 00:20:44,909 --> 00:20:47,412 - How odd. - My father's name, sir. 212 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,497 What was your father's name? 213 00:20:49,664 --> 00:20:52,500 - Howard Bensonmum. - Howard Bensonmum? 214 00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,502 Leave it. I've had enough. 215 00:20:54,669 --> 00:20:57,755 Here we are. The late Mrs. Twain's room. 216 00:20:57,922 --> 00:20:59,674 She died in here. 217 00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:01,634 - Oh, dear. - Died of what? 218 00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:04,888 She murdered herself in her sleep, sir. 219 00:21:05,054 --> 00:21:07,056 - You mean suicide? - Oh, no. 220 00:21:07,223 --> 00:21:09,309 It was murder, all right. 221 00:21:09,475 --> 00:21:12,353 Mrs. Twain hated herself. 222 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,898 We keep this room locked. 223 00:21:15,064 --> 00:21:18,610 - Why is that? - Mr. Twain loved her very much. 224 00:21:18,776 --> 00:21:23,364 He's kept her room just as it was the night she choked herself... 225 00:21:23,531 --> 00:21:25,992 ...nine years ago. 226 00:21:34,834 --> 00:21:36,794 Madam loved it here. 227 00:21:36,961 --> 00:21:40,882 She said it was the cheeriest room in the house. 228 00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:47,847 - The doorbell. - That was Mrs. Charleston. 229 00:21:48,014 --> 00:21:50,350 - I thought she was here. - I am. 230 00:21:50,516 --> 00:21:53,269 I will not stay in this filthy room. 231 00:21:53,436 --> 00:21:57,148 Very well, madam. I'll attend to it during dinner. 232 00:21:57,315 --> 00:21:59,400 - Thank you, Benson, sir. - Mum! 233 00:21:59,567 --> 00:22:03,029 - What? - Bensonmum. Ma'am. 234 00:22:09,452 --> 00:22:10,912 Baking flour. 235 00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:13,748 - What? - This dust is baking flour. 236 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:16,334 And these cobwebs - Candied sugar. 237 00:22:16,501 --> 00:22:19,963 All placed here for the purpose of frightening us. 238 00:22:20,129 --> 00:22:23,299 And that mouse - Obviously a mechanical toy. 239 00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:29,180 - Silly. - What is? 240 00:22:29,347 --> 00:22:31,849 I am. It's real. 241 00:22:37,897 --> 00:22:41,526 - Stop the car. We're here. - That's why I stopped. 242 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:44,654 - Open my door. - You have chocolate on your face. 243 00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:46,781 The candy bar's on your face. 244 00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:50,952 - Imbecile, that's my moustache! - Lick it and see. 245 00:22:53,913 --> 00:22:57,125 Wipe it off. My hands are sticky. 246 00:23:00,169 --> 00:23:02,714 Hold still, please. 247 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,924 Sloppy. 248 00:23:10,596 --> 00:23:12,348 All in good time. 249 00:23:19,188 --> 00:23:21,315 Yes? 250 00:23:21,482 --> 00:23:22,984 Who's there? 251 00:23:25,111 --> 00:23:26,863 Who's there, I say? 252 00:23:30,825 --> 00:23:33,119 Filthy neighbourhood. 253 00:23:33,286 --> 00:23:34,954 Didn't I say "jump"? 254 00:23:35,121 --> 00:23:38,458 "Un, deux, trois, jump." Why don't you listen? 255 00:23:38,624 --> 00:23:41,377 - Leave me alone. - Sloppy. 256 00:23:57,143 --> 00:23:58,895 Who are you? 257 00:24:06,736 --> 00:24:11,115 You must be the new kitchen maid. I hope you can cook. 258 00:24:12,158 --> 00:24:14,368 Answer me. Speak up. 259 00:24:18,581 --> 00:24:22,001 What's that? I can't hear you. 260 00:24:22,168 --> 00:24:25,588 A little shy, are you? Never mind. 261 00:24:27,256 --> 00:24:29,425 There will be 10 for dinner. 262 00:24:32,011 --> 00:24:33,930 Here is the menu. 263 00:24:46,525 --> 00:24:50,154 Is that understood? And dinner will be at 9:00. 264 00:24:50,321 --> 00:24:54,575 When I want you, that bell on the wall will ring three times. 265 00:24:54,742 --> 00:24:56,953 All right. Get to work. 266 00:25:06,629 --> 00:25:10,007 Operator. I am saying, "Hello, hello." 267 00:25:10,174 --> 00:25:12,426 - It's dead, sir. - What? 268 00:25:12,593 --> 00:25:14,512 Who is? Who are you? 269 00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:16,055 The butler, sir. 270 00:25:16,222 --> 00:25:19,517 The butler, eh? I thought as much. 271 00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:23,521 That phone has been out of order for the past week, sir. 272 00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:25,189 Is that a fact? 273 00:25:25,356 --> 00:25:29,527 And I say that this wire has been snipped not one hour ago... 274 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:31,904 ...as you can plainly see. 275 00:25:32,071 --> 00:25:33,656 What is your name? 276 00:25:36,909 --> 00:25:39,161 Your little jest escapes me. 277 00:25:39,328 --> 00:25:41,163 I am Monsieur Milo Perrier. 278 00:25:41,330 --> 00:25:44,041 He was injured by a falling gargoyle... 279 00:25:44,208 --> 00:25:46,961 ...while standing in Chinese footprints. 280 00:25:47,128 --> 00:25:49,296 We rang, a woman screamed... 281 00:25:49,463 --> 00:25:51,632 ...a mouse ran through the door. 282 00:25:51,799 --> 00:25:54,635 As you can plainly see, I miss nothing. 283 00:25:54,802 --> 00:25:56,971 Since we can't call a doctor... 284 00:25:57,138 --> 00:26:01,642 ...I will need a cold compress and hot chocolate, "n'est-ce pas?" 285 00:26:01,809 --> 00:26:05,021 We don't have "n'est-ce pas," sir. Just Hershey's. 286 00:26:05,187 --> 00:26:07,940 I'll call the maid. 287 00:26:19,535 --> 00:26:22,830 I'll fetch it for you myself, sir. 288 00:26:22,997 --> 00:26:27,626 In the meantime, if you'll be good enough to follow me to your room. 289 00:26:28,627 --> 00:26:30,421 Get up. Get up. 290 00:26:30,588 --> 00:26:33,591 There's something about him I do not trust. 291 00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:36,719 Notice how his eyes never look at you. 292 00:26:36,886 --> 00:26:38,804 He's blind, monsieur. 293 00:26:40,806 --> 00:26:43,184 Nonsense. 294 00:26:47,271 --> 00:26:49,064 There's the house now. 295 00:26:50,399 --> 00:26:53,360 - What's the matter? - My feet are killing me. 296 00:26:53,527 --> 00:26:57,865 Why didn't you tell me we needed oil before I went back for gas? 297 00:26:58,032 --> 00:27:00,409 I gave you $50 and the gas was $5.00. 298 00:27:00,576 --> 00:27:04,413 Maybe you'd come back. Maybe not. I couldn't risk it. 299 00:27:04,580 --> 00:27:07,374 - Don't you trust me, Sam? - Trust you? 300 00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:12,046 The last time that I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940. 301 00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:14,590 She said she was going to get wine. 302 00:27:14,757 --> 00:27:17,968 Two hours later, the Germans marched into France. 303 00:27:18,135 --> 00:27:20,095 I'm sorry, Sam. 304 00:27:20,262 --> 00:27:22,973 Sorry nothing. Give me my change. 305 00:27:29,230 --> 00:27:30,940 Dinner will be at 9:00. 306 00:27:31,106 --> 00:27:33,817 I'll have the maid bring your chocolate. 307 00:27:33,984 --> 00:27:36,695 - One moment, my good man. - Sir? 308 00:27:52,294 --> 00:27:55,381 Thank you. That will be all. 309 00:27:57,633 --> 00:28:02,137 He's blind, all right. Those were my funniest faces. 310 00:28:12,606 --> 00:28:15,234 It's not exactly the Copacabana, is it? 311 00:28:15,401 --> 00:28:20,030 I don't feel good about this. Maybe tonight your luck runs out. 312 00:28:20,197 --> 00:28:23,951 Maybe so. There's a number on the wall for all of us. 313 00:28:24,118 --> 00:28:27,997 If tonight's the night they pick mine, so be it. 314 00:28:28,664 --> 00:28:30,582 After you, sweetheart. 315 00:28:32,334 --> 00:28:35,462 - First, kiss me, Sam. - I don't kiss. 316 00:28:35,629 --> 00:28:37,214 Just this once, Sam. 317 00:28:37,381 --> 00:28:40,676 I don't like kissing. Now leave me alone. 318 00:28:52,521 --> 00:28:54,398 My God! 319 00:28:54,565 --> 00:28:56,650 - He's dead! - I beg your pardon? 320 00:28:56,817 --> 00:29:01,572 Sam Diamond is lying out there. He's been crushed to death. 321 00:29:01,739 --> 00:29:04,700 I'm going to faint. Catch me. 322 00:29:04,867 --> 00:29:08,537 Madam. Madam, where are you? 323 00:29:08,704 --> 00:29:11,248 Hold it right there. Freeze, blinky! 324 00:29:11,415 --> 00:29:14,585 Get your hands up. Turn your face to the wall. 325 00:29:19,298 --> 00:29:21,925 All right, angel. You can get up now. 326 00:29:22,092 --> 00:29:23,719 Turn around, Jeeves. 327 00:29:26,597 --> 00:29:31,602 Your concrete Christmas present came two seconds early, no thanks to you. 328 00:29:31,769 --> 00:29:34,772 I apologize for any unfortunate mishap, sir. 329 00:29:34,938 --> 00:29:39,109 - May I put my hands down? - Don't test your luck, Shakespeare. 330 00:29:39,276 --> 00:29:41,779 I got your invitation to dinner... 331 00:29:41,945 --> 00:29:46,325 ...but I didn't realize I'd be the main course. 332 00:29:47,493 --> 00:29:50,579 I had a kid brother who got it the same way... 333 00:29:50,746 --> 00:29:53,791 ...working on a case like this two years ago. 334 00:29:53,957 --> 00:29:57,961 That boy would've been 63 on Tuesday. 335 00:29:58,128 --> 00:30:03,801 For two cents, I'd take this - Get him away from me! Get him away. 336 00:30:03,967 --> 00:30:07,638 Get him away before I stuff him like a tiger trophy... 337 00:30:07,805 --> 00:30:11,183 ...his limey pals like to hang up on saloon walls. 338 00:30:11,350 --> 00:30:13,227 Please. 339 00:30:14,728 --> 00:30:17,314 He has a dreadful temper, hasn't he? 340 00:30:31,912 --> 00:30:34,831 9:00, time for dinner. 341 00:30:34,998 --> 00:30:37,626 Is everything ready? 342 00:30:40,128 --> 00:30:41,713 I don't smell anything. 343 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,466 Very light on the seasoning, are you? 344 00:30:44,633 --> 00:30:48,136 Put the soup in a tureen and keep the squabs on low. 345 00:30:48,303 --> 00:30:50,597 I'll serve cocktails. 346 00:30:50,764 --> 00:30:55,852 When you hear the bell, bring out the chilled asparagus... 347 00:30:56,019 --> 00:30:59,439 ...and turn up the flame on the squabs. 348 00:31:00,816 --> 00:31:03,569 Have you got that? 349 00:31:17,874 --> 00:31:20,043 You didn't tell me how I look. 350 00:31:20,210 --> 00:31:22,796 No different than always - Ravishing. 351 00:31:23,672 --> 00:31:27,009 - Do you love and adore me? - I love and adore you. 352 00:31:27,301 --> 00:31:32,306 - You have the best tush in high society. - Years of horseback riding. 353 00:31:32,472 --> 00:31:34,766 Getting to bottom of things? 354 00:31:34,933 --> 00:31:37,477 - Ah, Wang. You remember- - Of course. 355 00:31:37,644 --> 00:31:40,856 - Nice to see you, Ah Wang. - Always a pleasure. 356 00:31:41,023 --> 00:31:44,234 What a beautiful gown. Tell me where you got it. 357 00:31:44,401 --> 00:31:49,573 This? This an old dress. Had it for years. 358 00:31:49,865 --> 00:31:52,534 Please to meet adopted son, Willie. 359 00:31:52,701 --> 00:31:56,788 East meets West in a most bizarre setting. 360 00:31:56,955 --> 00:32:00,083 I didn't know you were invited. You know Wang. 361 00:32:00,250 --> 00:32:03,170 I had the pleasure of dining in Shanghai... 362 00:32:03,337 --> 00:32:06,048 ...many years ago with Inspector Wang. 363 00:32:08,258 --> 00:32:10,427 You remember. Yes. 364 00:32:10,594 --> 00:32:15,348 You had "hong ching chu" and I had "kow dung woo fong." 365 00:32:15,515 --> 00:32:18,143 My wife, Dora. Inspector Perrier. 366 00:32:21,229 --> 00:32:23,690 I'm sorry. Our room is so dusty. 367 00:32:23,857 --> 00:32:26,276 My fault. I should have blown first. 368 00:32:26,443 --> 00:32:30,530 May I present my secretaire and chauffeur Marcel Cassette. 369 00:32:30,697 --> 00:32:36,119 - Recovered from your accident, Marcel? - But how did you know? 370 00:32:36,286 --> 00:32:38,038 From the way you bend. 371 00:32:38,205 --> 00:32:40,999 Your right side smashed in by a Citroen. 372 00:32:41,166 --> 00:32:43,668 I detected a slight metallic sound... 373 00:32:43,835 --> 00:32:47,255 ...so I think you have an artificial hip. Steel? 374 00:32:47,422 --> 00:32:51,093 Aluminum. You're as quick as ever, Charleston. 375 00:32:51,259 --> 00:32:52,928 And you, Charleston... 376 00:32:53,095 --> 00:32:56,890 ...did not approve of Mrs. Charleston dying hair blond? 377 00:32:57,057 --> 00:32:58,809 I beg your pardon? 378 00:32:58,975 --> 00:33:01,019 Mrs. Charleston hair red. 379 00:33:01,978 --> 00:33:05,649 You have blond hairs on shoulder. 380 00:33:05,816 --> 00:33:11,196 That means she has dyed red hair to blond then back again to red. 381 00:33:11,363 --> 00:33:13,281 Or else you have been- 382 00:33:15,283 --> 00:33:20,455 So sorry. Wang is wrong. Shall we go to dinner, please? 383 00:33:27,546 --> 00:33:31,466 - Boy, Pop, you sure put your- - Shut Japanese mouth. 384 00:33:31,633 --> 00:33:34,761 It must be ghastly to have a hip removed. 385 00:33:34,928 --> 00:33:37,806 - Does it hurt? - Only in damp weather. 386 00:33:44,771 --> 00:33:49,776 - Are you all right? - Pay no attention. You'll spoil him. 387 00:33:49,943 --> 00:33:51,486 Get up. Get up. 388 00:33:54,573 --> 00:33:58,326 - As I was saying, Mr. Charleston- - Hey, Pop. 389 00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:02,455 A treacherous road like fresh mushrooms- 390 00:34:02,622 --> 00:34:07,002 I know. Dog stick tongue out of picture. 391 00:34:07,168 --> 00:34:10,005 Treacherous road like fresh mushrooms. 392 00:34:14,593 --> 00:34:16,177 He's a charming fellow. 393 00:34:16,344 --> 00:34:19,514 African death mask. Died in some tribal ritual. 394 00:34:19,681 --> 00:34:22,100 Wonder where others are. 395 00:34:22,267 --> 00:34:24,227 Others? 396 00:34:24,394 --> 00:34:26,062 What others? 397 00:34:26,229 --> 00:34:30,066 Invitation to dinner and murder finally clear to Wang... 398 00:34:30,233 --> 00:34:32,902 ...with appearance of Monsieur Perrier. 399 00:34:33,069 --> 00:34:37,115 It's obvious that the world's greatest detectives were invited. 400 00:34:37,282 --> 00:34:39,951 Five of us, darling. Three are here. 401 00:34:40,118 --> 00:34:41,911 Two have not yet arrived. 402 00:34:42,078 --> 00:34:44,873 - Miss Jessie Marbles of England. - And- 403 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,751 Sam Diamond of San Francisco. 404 00:34:47,917 --> 00:34:49,461 I know who you all are. 405 00:34:49,627 --> 00:34:54,716 The lady in the dress is my secretary and mistress, Tess Skeffington. 406 00:34:54,883 --> 00:34:58,053 - Sam, don't. - I'm sorry, sweetheart. 407 00:34:58,219 --> 00:35:01,222 She doesn't like it when I'm brutally honest. 408 00:35:01,389 --> 00:35:04,392 Then again, we're all in a brutal business. 409 00:35:04,559 --> 00:35:08,980 Never considered murder to be business, Mr. Diamond. 410 00:35:09,147 --> 00:35:11,274 Is that right, Mr. Wang? 411 00:35:11,441 --> 00:35:17,030 Maybe not for you, since you put your money in vegetables in the late '30s. 412 00:35:17,197 --> 00:35:20,450 Our friends don't know that you own 50 percent... 413 00:35:20,617 --> 00:35:24,704 ...of the bean sprouts and the bamboo shoots grown in China. 414 00:35:24,871 --> 00:35:27,874 You can imagine how much chicken chow mein... 415 00:35:28,041 --> 00:35:30,293 ...goes into his pot each year. 416 00:35:30,460 --> 00:35:32,921 - Do I have the figures right? - Right. 417 00:35:33,088 --> 00:35:35,423 What does this have to do with anything? 418 00:35:35,590 --> 00:35:38,093 Or you, Mr. Perrier. 419 00:35:38,259 --> 00:35:41,137 You work both sides of the big drink. 420 00:35:41,304 --> 00:35:44,891 Pretty good pickings, solving crimes for barons... 421 00:35:45,058 --> 00:35:47,894 ...and putting your fees into Swiss banks. 422 00:35:48,061 --> 00:35:51,272 Three trips a year buys a lot of hot chocolate. 423 00:35:51,439 --> 00:35:52,774 See here, Diamond- 424 00:35:52,941 --> 00:35:58,321 You see here, Mr. Charleston of New York, Palm Beach and Beverly Hills. 425 00:35:58,488 --> 00:36:00,907 Crime's a hobby to you, isn't it? 426 00:36:01,074 --> 00:36:06,037 It's a game to wile away the time while you wait for room service... 427 00:36:06,204 --> 00:36:10,542 ...while your wife's dough buys martinis and your $300 suits. 428 00:36:10,708 --> 00:36:13,336 That's nice, when all you gotta do... 429 00:36:13,503 --> 00:36:18,007 ...is give your wife a grab now and then and take the dog for a leak. 430 00:36:18,174 --> 00:36:21,845 Sorry to shock you, but I never went to finishing school. 431 00:36:22,011 --> 00:36:23,847 My school is the streets... 432 00:36:24,013 --> 00:36:27,141 ...and the barrel of a revolver is my teacher. 433 00:36:27,308 --> 00:36:31,729 I get $50 a day in expenses when I can get them, gentlemen. 434 00:36:31,896 --> 00:36:35,900 I owe Miss Skeffington three years back pay. Ain't that right? 435 00:36:36,067 --> 00:36:39,362 - I don't care about the money. - Neither do I. 436 00:36:39,529 --> 00:36:43,241 If one of you would be so kind as to give my friend... 437 00:36:43,408 --> 00:36:47,745 ...a glass of cheap white wine, I'm going down to find the can. 438 00:36:47,912 --> 00:36:50,832 I talk so much sometimes, I forget to go. 439 00:36:53,543 --> 00:36:56,921 Please excuse Sam. He was shot in the head last week. 440 00:36:57,088 --> 00:36:59,757 He shouldn't be out of the hospital. 441 00:36:59,924 --> 00:37:03,136 - I think he's damned honest. - Dickie, language. 442 00:37:03,303 --> 00:37:06,055 Miss Jessica Marbles and nurse. 443 00:37:15,064 --> 00:37:19,319 Miss Marbles. So we finally meet. 444 00:37:19,485 --> 00:37:24,198 I've admired you ever since I was tiny little detective. 445 00:37:24,365 --> 00:37:26,200 Thank you, Mr. Wang. 446 00:37:26,367 --> 00:37:28,786 I am Jessica Marbles. 447 00:37:28,953 --> 00:37:33,916 This is Miss Withers, my nurse. She's been with me 52 years. 448 00:37:34,083 --> 00:37:36,878 I have to take care of the poor dear now. 449 00:37:37,045 --> 00:37:41,841 Are you all right, Miss Withers? Do you want your medicine now? 450 00:37:51,392 --> 00:37:55,480 She's off. I could use a good, stiff shot, Mr. Charleston. 451 00:37:55,647 --> 00:37:59,150 I believe booze, as you call it, is your department. 452 00:37:59,317 --> 00:38:02,653 - My pleasure, madam. - Who's the old geezer? 453 00:38:04,822 --> 00:38:06,366 Jessie, baby! 454 00:38:08,576 --> 00:38:13,748 - You have a bullet hole in your back. - You should see the other guy. 455 00:38:14,916 --> 00:38:16,626 Quiet, please. 456 00:38:16,793 --> 00:38:19,670 Observe strange sound. 457 00:38:24,217 --> 00:38:28,179 My God, it's the face. It's coming from the face. 458 00:38:30,556 --> 00:38:33,476 He's going through his final moments. 459 00:38:33,643 --> 00:38:39,107 - What could it mean? - It means dinner, sir. We have no gong. 460 00:38:47,031 --> 00:38:50,159 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to make a toast. 461 00:38:50,326 --> 00:38:54,455 Our host, Mr. Lionel Twain, is indeed a most unique man. 462 00:38:54,622 --> 00:38:56,958 One: He's succeeded in gathering... 463 00:38:57,125 --> 00:38:59,669 ...the world's greatest detectives... 464 00:38:59,836 --> 00:39:03,172 ...to investigate a crime not yet committed. 465 00:39:03,339 --> 00:39:05,216 Two: He's set traps for us: 466 00:39:05,383 --> 00:39:08,594 A bridge that almost collapses, falling statues. 467 00:39:08,761 --> 00:39:10,471 Does he mean to kill us? 468 00:39:10,638 --> 00:39:13,516 Not yet. He could've done that at any time. 469 00:39:13,683 --> 00:39:17,353 He's merely trying to whet our appetites for the game. 470 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:21,941 Three: Why five detectives instead of one? 471 00:39:22,108 --> 00:39:25,236 Because he intends to take us all on... 472 00:39:25,403 --> 00:39:28,865 ...a feat that no criminal mind has yet attempted. 473 00:39:29,031 --> 00:39:32,034 Before this hellish weekend begins... 474 00:39:32,201 --> 00:39:34,704 ...I propose that we toast... 475 00:39:34,871 --> 00:39:38,207 ...to either a most beguiling and charming man... 476 00:39:38,374 --> 00:39:42,003 ...or to an insidious, fiendish madman. 477 00:39:43,254 --> 00:39:45,339 - Bottoms up. - One moment. 478 00:39:46,799 --> 00:39:49,677 Point four: Wine poisoned. 479 00:39:51,596 --> 00:39:56,309 An ancient, tasteless, colourless and odourless Oriental herb... 480 00:39:56,475 --> 00:39:59,729 ...that kills instantly. Observe, please. 481 00:40:08,070 --> 00:40:11,198 Great Scott, Mr. Wang. You saved our lives. 482 00:40:11,365 --> 00:40:14,076 Not quite, Mrs. Charleston. 483 00:40:14,243 --> 00:40:16,370 Bon appetit. 484 00:40:19,498 --> 00:40:24,045 Since Wang was the one who could detect poison, only he was tested. 485 00:40:24,211 --> 00:40:25,755 Point five: 486 00:40:25,922 --> 00:40:30,009 Mr. Twain is both beguiling and fiendish. 487 00:40:33,721 --> 00:40:37,099 - Get a doctor, quick. - No, no. It's all right. 488 00:40:37,266 --> 00:40:41,812 My wine is not poisoned. It was just a bad year. 489 00:40:41,979 --> 00:40:43,481 Good work, Mr. Wang. 490 00:40:43,648 --> 00:40:47,818 We must all be on our guard through every course of the meal. 491 00:40:47,985 --> 00:40:50,237 You're all forgetting one thing. 492 00:40:51,405 --> 00:40:55,076 This makes the butler suspicious. He poured the wine. 493 00:40:55,242 --> 00:40:59,664 How would he know which one to serve the poisoned glass to? 494 00:40:59,830 --> 00:41:01,499 That's very simple. 495 00:41:01,666 --> 00:41:05,419 Blind people have a very keen sense of smell. 496 00:41:05,586 --> 00:41:09,507 Since we're Anglo-Saxon and Mr. Wang's son is Japanese... 497 00:41:09,674 --> 00:41:11,842 ...it wouldn't be hard to sniff out the Chinaman. 498 00:41:12,009 --> 00:41:14,637 See here. That's a tacky thing to say. 499 00:41:14,804 --> 00:41:17,306 It's a tacky world, Mr. Charleston. 500 00:41:17,473 --> 00:41:20,142 - Isn't that right, angel? - That's right. 501 00:41:20,309 --> 00:41:23,479 Quiet, please. Butler approaches. 502 00:41:23,646 --> 00:41:28,484 I apologize. I'm having communication problems with the cook. 503 00:41:28,651 --> 00:41:30,277 Who poured the wine? 504 00:41:30,444 --> 00:41:32,405 Mr. Twain, sir. 505 00:41:32,571 --> 00:41:35,699 It was left for me in the refrigerator. 506 00:41:35,866 --> 00:41:39,870 I was told to give Mr. Wang the glass with the sticky stem. 507 00:41:40,037 --> 00:41:41,705 And you didn't ask why? 508 00:41:41,872 --> 00:41:44,667 I was lucky to find the refrigerator. 509 00:41:44,834 --> 00:41:48,379 - If I may serve the soup now? - By all means. 510 00:41:59,223 --> 00:42:01,308 Yes, I'm famished. 511 00:42:15,990 --> 00:42:18,367 One moment. 512 00:42:18,534 --> 00:42:21,287 - Where is the soup? - In your dish, sir. 513 00:42:21,453 --> 00:42:24,623 There is nothing in my dish but my dish. 514 00:42:24,790 --> 00:42:28,419 - I don't understand, sir. - Here, take the spoon. 515 00:42:28,586 --> 00:42:30,504 Taste it for yourself. 516 00:42:39,138 --> 00:42:41,223 I see what you mean, sir. 517 00:42:41,390 --> 00:42:46,020 If you'll excuse me, I'd better have a little talk with the cook. 518 00:42:47,479 --> 00:42:52,276 Murder by starvation. Maybe that's his game. 519 00:42:52,443 --> 00:42:55,738 - What do you think? - I don't know. Ask the moose. 520 00:42:55,905 --> 00:42:59,158 He's been watching since we came in. 521 00:43:02,077 --> 00:43:06,498 Ten people for dinner, and I'm serving them hot nothing! 522 00:43:06,665 --> 00:43:08,959 You can't get good help today. 523 00:43:15,257 --> 00:43:18,969 You're fired, you understand? Fired! 524 00:43:19,136 --> 00:43:22,014 I want you out, do you hear? Out! 525 00:43:27,478 --> 00:43:29,396 And stay out. 526 00:43:31,148 --> 00:43:33,359 Something just occurred to me. 527 00:43:33,525 --> 00:43:36,028 - The seating's all wrong. - How so? 528 00:43:36,195 --> 00:43:38,822 - I'm sitting next to Dora. - So what? 529 00:43:38,989 --> 00:43:40,908 - She's your wife. - Exactly. 530 00:43:41,075 --> 00:43:44,370 The husband's never seated next to the wife. 531 00:43:44,536 --> 00:43:48,040 I should be on the opposite side. Will you trade? 532 00:43:48,207 --> 00:43:50,793 - Now, Mr. Charleston? - Now, Mr. Wang. 533 00:43:54,004 --> 00:43:57,216 Another test that could have cost us our lives. 534 00:43:57,383 --> 00:44:00,302 Saved only by the fact that I am well-bred. 535 00:44:00,469 --> 00:44:04,098 Lucky it wasn't me. I'd have been chopped liver. 536 00:44:08,310 --> 00:44:12,815 Silence, please. Do not panic. No person move from place. 537 00:44:12,981 --> 00:44:15,484 Someone just came in. I hear footsteps. 538 00:44:15,651 --> 00:44:18,195 Wait! Quiet, everyone! 539 00:44:18,362 --> 00:44:20,906 - I smell something. - What is it? 540 00:44:21,073 --> 00:44:23,992 Good God! Franks and beans! 541 00:44:24,159 --> 00:44:26,829 I'm afraid that's all we have, sir. 542 00:44:26,995 --> 00:44:29,665 You know how I get when you touch me there. 543 00:44:29,832 --> 00:44:31,834 My hands are in my pockets. 544 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,503 - They're my pockets. - Sorry. 545 00:44:34,670 --> 00:44:36,588 Dickie, behave yourself. 546 00:44:39,675 --> 00:44:42,010 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 547 00:44:42,177 --> 00:44:44,471 I'm your host, Lionel Twain. 548 00:44:59,736 --> 00:45:01,989 Good God, what an entrance! 549 00:45:02,156 --> 00:45:07,202 A bit theatrical, Miss Marbles, but I do so love illusion. 550 00:45:07,369 --> 00:45:10,122 Please forgive my hat. I'm losing my hair. 551 00:45:10,289 --> 00:45:13,584 I thought Twain was an older man, say 72, 73. 552 00:45:13,750 --> 00:45:17,463 Seventy-six to be exact, Mr. Diamond. 553 00:45:17,629 --> 00:45:21,049 How do I look so young? Quite simple. 554 00:45:21,216 --> 00:45:25,012 A complete vegetable diet, 12 hours' sleep a night... 555 00:45:25,179 --> 00:45:28,098 ...and lots and lots of makeup. 556 00:45:28,265 --> 00:45:32,227 - I trust you're all comfortable. - Comfortable, Mr. Twain? 557 00:45:32,394 --> 00:45:36,315 Is that what you call poisoned wine and near decapitation? 558 00:45:36,481 --> 00:45:39,651 No. I call it inspiration. 559 00:45:39,818 --> 00:45:44,740 You haven't explained the mechanical and culinary attempts on our lives. 560 00:45:44,907 --> 00:45:47,618 Merely games, Monsieur Perrier. 561 00:45:47,784 --> 00:45:50,913 Pitting wits with you, so to speak. 562 00:45:51,079 --> 00:45:55,042 Pit your wits with me and you won't have wits to pit with. 563 00:45:55,209 --> 00:45:57,294 You're spitting on the nurse. 564 00:45:57,461 --> 00:46:01,256 Sorry, old lady. Crazy broad should be in bed. 565 00:46:01,423 --> 00:46:03,675 We have been here four hours... 566 00:46:03,842 --> 00:46:07,221 ...and there hasn't been a hot dinner or a corpse. 567 00:46:07,387 --> 00:46:11,266 - I must therefore bid you adieu. - I bid one adieu as well. 568 00:46:11,433 --> 00:46:14,061 No one is leaving this house. 569 00:46:25,822 --> 00:46:28,200 What meaning of this, Mr. Twain? 570 00:46:28,367 --> 00:46:31,578 I will tell you, Mr. Wang, if you can tell me... 571 00:46:31,745 --> 00:46:35,123 ...why one of the most brilliant minds of the century... 572 00:46:35,290 --> 00:46:37,626 ...can't say prepositions or articles. 573 00:46:37,793 --> 00:46:40,921 "The," Mr. Wang. "What is the meaning of this?" 574 00:46:41,088 --> 00:46:44,675 That what I said. What meaning of this? 575 00:46:44,841 --> 00:46:46,677 The meaning of this is... 576 00:46:46,843 --> 00:46:50,472 ...that I have decided to prove, beyond any doubt... 577 00:46:50,639 --> 00:46:55,769 ...that the greatest criminologist in the world is sitting at this table... 578 00:46:55,936 --> 00:46:58,563 ...and you are all looking at him. 579 00:46:58,730 --> 00:47:00,983 No, don't look at each other! 580 00:47:01,149 --> 00:47:04,820 Look at me! I'm the greatest! I'm number one! 581 00:47:04,987 --> 00:47:08,490 To me you look like number two. Know what I mean? 582 00:47:08,657 --> 00:47:13,078 - What does he mean? - I'll tell you later. It's disgusting. 583 00:47:13,245 --> 00:47:16,665 In all your adventures, monsieurs and madames... 584 00:47:16,832 --> 00:47:20,043 ...none of you has ever had an unsolved murder. 585 00:47:20,210 --> 00:47:24,256 Your reputations exist on this single fact. 586 00:47:24,423 --> 00:47:30,095 But what would the world say if the five greatest detectives... 587 00:47:30,262 --> 00:47:35,767 ...found themselves trapped in a house, shut off from the world... 588 00:47:35,934 --> 00:47:39,187 ...only to discover a dead body... 589 00:47:39,354 --> 00:47:42,816 ...stabbed 12 times in the back with a knife... 590 00:47:42,983 --> 00:47:48,530 ...and not one of you able to solve the crime? 591 00:47:48,697 --> 00:47:51,158 - You mean murder? - We're talking shop. 592 00:47:51,324 --> 00:47:53,493 Yes, murder, Mrs. Charleston! 593 00:47:53,660 --> 00:47:55,620 On the stroke of midnight... 594 00:47:55,787 --> 00:47:59,040 ...someone in this house will be murdered. 595 00:47:59,207 --> 00:48:02,961 Left out one small detail, Mr. Twain. 596 00:48:04,004 --> 00:48:06,173 Who victim? 597 00:48:06,339 --> 00:48:08,842 "Is the." "Is the." 598 00:48:09,009 --> 00:48:12,429 "Who is the victim?" That drives me crazy! 599 00:48:12,596 --> 00:48:16,057 - Sounds like a short ride to me. - Does it? 600 00:48:16,224 --> 00:48:21,354 Well, we shall see who is sane and who is crazy around here. 601 00:48:22,939 --> 00:48:24,399 Mr. Wang... 602 00:48:24,566 --> 00:48:28,487 ...the victim is here at this table at this very moment... 603 00:48:28,653 --> 00:48:33,158 ...and so too, ladies and gentlemen, is the murderer. 604 00:48:33,325 --> 00:48:36,578 - Murder-poo? - Yes, dear. 605 00:48:36,745 --> 00:48:40,499 We're going to have a lovely murder-poo. 606 00:48:40,665 --> 00:48:44,419 Push her wheelchair down the driveway. We got business. 607 00:48:44,586 --> 00:48:47,506 - You know who's gonna get it? - Intimately. 608 00:48:47,672 --> 00:48:50,383 - And how it'll be committed? - Definitely. 609 00:48:50,550 --> 00:48:52,802 And what time murder take place? 610 00:48:52,969 --> 00:48:55,430 "The" murder. Precisely. 611 00:48:55,597 --> 00:49:00,101 It's not my business, but doesn't that mean you're the murderer? 612 00:49:00,268 --> 00:49:03,688 No wives. I refuse to discuss this with wives. 613 00:49:03,855 --> 00:49:07,609 All fingers do point to you. Not much of a challenge. 614 00:49:07,776 --> 00:49:10,570 Shall I make it more interesting? 615 00:49:10,737 --> 00:49:14,282 One million dollars to the one who solves the crime. 616 00:49:14,449 --> 00:49:17,118 Wagered against your reputations. 617 00:49:17,285 --> 00:49:19,371 One million dollars, tax-free. 618 00:49:19,537 --> 00:49:23,250 In addition, the paperback rights and the film sale. 619 00:49:23,416 --> 00:49:25,001 It's 11:00, amigos... 620 00:49:25,168 --> 00:49:29,256 ...just one hour before death strikes someone in this room. 621 00:49:29,422 --> 00:49:32,175 See you at midnight. 622 00:49:35,512 --> 00:49:37,430 See here, Mr. Twain! 623 00:49:38,682 --> 00:49:42,811 - He's gone! - No, he's not. He's down there. 624 00:49:42,978 --> 00:49:45,021 Fast little bunny, ain't you? 625 00:49:45,188 --> 00:49:47,649 I've never moved, Mr. Diamond. 626 00:49:47,816 --> 00:49:50,944 I'm still down there. A stunt with mirrors. 627 00:49:51,111 --> 00:49:55,073 Is that so? Willing to risk seven years' bad luck? 628 00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:56,992 Try it, Mr. Diamond. 629 00:49:57,158 --> 00:49:59,327 It's your funeral, butterball. 630 00:50:00,412 --> 00:50:03,707 Wait. Sometimes it doesn't work. 631 00:50:06,042 --> 00:50:09,087 You've won this round, Mr. Diamond. 632 00:50:09,254 --> 00:50:11,715 My turn comes at midnight. 633 00:50:20,056 --> 00:50:22,726 I hope he knows how to stop that thing. 634 00:50:23,977 --> 00:50:28,690 Anybody offering a million bucks to solve a crime that ain't happened... 635 00:50:28,857 --> 00:50:31,234 ...has lost more upstairs than hair. 636 00:50:31,401 --> 00:50:34,446 What do we do? Sit and wait to be butchered? 637 00:50:34,612 --> 00:50:36,448 And what has happened to the butler? 638 00:50:36,614 --> 00:50:40,243 Why has he not returned? With our dinner? 639 00:50:40,410 --> 00:50:42,662 - Go look for him. - No! 640 00:50:42,829 --> 00:50:45,373 - No one to leave this room. - Why not? 641 00:50:45,540 --> 00:50:47,792 Twain say victim at this table. 642 00:50:47,959 --> 00:50:52,380 If we stay together, crime cannot be committed without witnesses. 643 00:50:52,547 --> 00:50:55,508 He's right. You're one smart Chinaman. 644 00:50:55,675 --> 00:51:01,681 Let's join hands. The chain's stronger if the links are unbroken. Join hands. 645 00:51:13,818 --> 00:51:15,403 Stop that. 646 00:51:18,823 --> 00:51:21,576 - Stop it, I said. - What is it, Diamond? 647 00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:25,497 She's giving my palm the finger, the dirty broad. 648 00:51:25,663 --> 00:51:28,750 Naughty, naughty, Miss Withers. 649 00:51:33,296 --> 00:51:35,006 - Good God! - What? 650 00:51:35,173 --> 00:51:37,091 Look! 651 00:51:41,054 --> 00:51:43,515 - What's she doing? - She's screaming. 652 00:51:43,681 --> 00:51:46,643 - What's happened? - Something wrong in kitchen. 653 00:51:46,809 --> 00:51:48,937 - With our dinner! - Patience. 654 00:51:49,103 --> 00:51:51,773 - Is someone there? - Someone with dinner? 655 00:51:51,940 --> 00:51:54,817 Cook cannot speak or hear. 656 00:51:56,361 --> 00:51:59,072 I think butler is dead. 657 00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:02,492 My name is Yetta. I don't work Thursdays. 658 00:52:02,659 --> 00:52:04,536 Ask her if she sleeps in. 659 00:52:04,702 --> 00:52:06,955 We'll investigate. Someone must go. 660 00:52:07,121 --> 00:52:10,250 Not alone. Mr. Charleston, Mr. Diamond, stay. 661 00:52:10,416 --> 00:52:14,671 Miss Marble, Mr. Perrier and Wang, we'll investigate. 662 00:52:18,758 --> 00:52:21,761 That's right, just let it all out. 663 00:52:22,845 --> 00:52:25,598 Here. Oh, dear. 664 00:52:27,183 --> 00:52:30,228 Careful, Wang! Fingerprints. 665 00:52:30,395 --> 00:52:33,314 - Where? - Yours. 666 00:52:33,481 --> 00:52:35,692 Here, take my handkerchief. 667 00:52:49,247 --> 00:52:51,124 - Is he-? - He look like- 668 00:52:51,291 --> 00:52:53,668 Seems like. 669 00:52:53,835 --> 00:52:56,462 Touch nothing! Fingerprints. 670 00:52:56,629 --> 00:52:58,464 Quite so. 671 00:52:58,631 --> 00:53:00,508 Pencil. 672 00:53:14,981 --> 00:53:16,941 No pulse. 673 00:53:17,900 --> 00:53:20,194 No heartbeat. 674 00:53:20,361 --> 00:53:24,741 If condition does not change, this man is dead. 675 00:53:24,907 --> 00:53:27,201 No signs of foul play. 676 00:53:27,368 --> 00:53:28,536 Hold on! 677 00:53:28,703 --> 00:53:30,621 What's this? 678 00:53:32,081 --> 00:53:34,500 What do you make of this, Perrier? 679 00:53:35,543 --> 00:53:37,086 Poison, "n'est-ce pas?" 680 00:53:37,253 --> 00:53:40,048 Not "n'est-ce pas." Cocoa. 681 00:53:40,214 --> 00:53:42,550 So at last we have our murder. 682 00:53:42,717 --> 00:53:46,721 Not quite. Twain say murder victim sitting at our table. 683 00:53:46,888 --> 00:53:48,765 Butler not at our table. 684 00:53:48,931 --> 00:53:53,811 Butler only killed to divert us from real murder still to come. 685 00:53:54,896 --> 00:53:56,105 Look! 686 00:53:56,272 --> 00:54:00,401 One of the knives is missing. The butcher's knife, I'll wager. 687 00:54:00,568 --> 00:54:03,738 - The others are in danger. - What's exact time? 688 00:54:05,448 --> 00:54:07,366 31 and 56 seconds. 689 00:54:07,950 --> 00:54:10,578 Fifty-seven, fifty-eight- 690 00:54:10,745 --> 00:54:13,372 Tell me when to stop. 59, 60- 691 00:54:13,539 --> 00:54:17,168 28 minutes to main murder. Back to dining room. 692 00:54:17,335 --> 00:54:20,046 Must all be together at midnight. 693 00:54:21,380 --> 00:54:22,965 One moment! 694 00:54:27,720 --> 00:54:29,472 Handkerchief. 695 00:54:41,234 --> 00:54:43,611 - What is it? - A bill. 696 00:54:43,778 --> 00:54:48,491 Everything here has been rented: The butler, the food, the chairs. 697 00:54:48,658 --> 00:54:50,618 - You mean-? - Yes. 698 00:54:50,785 --> 00:54:54,330 This entire murder has been catered. 699 00:54:57,792 --> 00:55:00,211 It's Twain's doing. The man is mad. 700 00:55:00,378 --> 00:55:03,798 Mad, yes, but no fool. I only hope we are in time. 701 00:55:03,965 --> 00:55:05,007 Door locked. 702 00:55:05,174 --> 00:55:08,052 Diamond probably locked it from the inside. 703 00:55:08,219 --> 00:55:10,805 Good thinking on Diamond head. 704 00:55:10,972 --> 00:55:14,267 Diamond, it's Perrier. It's all right. Open up. 705 00:55:15,768 --> 00:55:18,354 Diamond? Charleston? Are you in there? 706 00:55:18,521 --> 00:55:23,484 Go back to kitchen, get dining room key from pocket of dead butler. 707 00:55:23,651 --> 00:55:28,614 Don't say "dead butler." It's bad enough I have to reach in his pocket. 708 00:55:40,835 --> 00:55:42,795 Holy merde. 709 00:55:49,385 --> 00:55:51,262 Miss Skeffington! 710 00:55:51,429 --> 00:55:53,514 Miss Skeffington! Miss Withers! 711 00:55:53,681 --> 00:55:54,932 - He's gone. - Who? 712 00:55:55,099 --> 00:55:58,060 The butler's body is missing. Here's the key. 713 00:55:58,227 --> 00:56:00,604 - Where you find key? - In his pocket. 714 00:56:00,771 --> 00:56:02,523 - What pocket? - The butler's. 715 00:56:02,690 --> 00:56:05,443 - Butler gone, but pocket there? - Exactly. 716 00:56:05,609 --> 00:56:08,070 Someone stole him but left his clothes. 717 00:56:08,237 --> 00:56:11,490 Open the door. Something is very wrong here. 718 00:56:17,079 --> 00:56:20,207 Hello. Where is everyone? 719 00:56:20,374 --> 00:56:23,210 Room filled with empty people. 720 00:56:23,377 --> 00:56:25,463 I'll try the other door. 721 00:56:27,256 --> 00:56:29,300 It's locked from the inside. 722 00:56:29,467 --> 00:56:32,553 Both doors locked from inside, yet no way out. 723 00:56:32,720 --> 00:56:34,555 I don't like it one bit. 724 00:56:34,722 --> 00:56:36,849 I like it, but don't understand. 725 00:56:38,017 --> 00:56:41,812 Maybe other way out of room, secret passageway perhaps. 726 00:56:43,272 --> 00:56:47,318 Wrong. There are no secret passageways, Mr. Wang. 727 00:56:47,485 --> 00:56:49,653 - You spoke? - Not me. 728 00:56:49,820 --> 00:56:51,697 I spoke. 729 00:56:53,532 --> 00:56:56,452 There! Voice come from cow on wall! 730 00:56:56,619 --> 00:56:59,455 Moose! Moose, you imbecile! 731 00:56:59,622 --> 00:57:03,209 What have you done with the others, you short madman? 732 00:57:04,251 --> 00:57:07,838 Stumped already. Need some clues, Mr. Perrier? 733 00:57:08,005 --> 00:57:12,593 I need no clues from you. I find my own, you demented lollipop! 734 00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:16,180 Man who argue with cow is like train without wheels. 735 00:57:16,347 --> 00:57:19,141 - Soon get nowhere. - I'm sick of fortunes! 736 00:57:19,308 --> 00:57:23,312 - Man who's sick of fortune- - I said I was sick of this! 737 00:57:23,479 --> 00:57:26,440 - Quiet, gentlemen, please! - Cow talk again. 738 00:57:26,607 --> 00:57:29,109 In need of a hint, Miss Marbles? 739 00:57:29,276 --> 00:57:34,114 "You all mistake what you assume "They never left the dining room" 740 00:57:34,281 --> 00:57:38,577 "Count the numbers one to 10" "Turn the knob and try again" 741 00:57:39,912 --> 00:57:43,415 What does that mean, they never left the room?! 742 00:57:43,582 --> 00:57:46,460 - They did. - Do not mistake what you assume. 743 00:57:46,627 --> 00:57:48,629 - Back out in hall. - What for? 744 00:57:48,796 --> 00:57:53,300 We assume others not here, but cow say they are in dining room. 745 00:57:53,467 --> 00:57:55,344 Let us look once more. 746 00:57:58,097 --> 00:58:00,391 Please close door, Mr. Perrier. 747 00:58:02,351 --> 00:58:04,728 - I can't see what good- - Quiet. 748 00:58:04,895 --> 00:58:06,814 Seven, eight, nine, 10. 749 00:58:07,982 --> 00:58:11,277 Miss Marbles, be so kind as to open door. 750 00:58:17,616 --> 00:58:19,827 Where were you? We was worried. 751 00:58:19,994 --> 00:58:21,954 Where were you? 752 00:58:22,121 --> 00:58:24,540 Here. Didn't you say not to leave? 753 00:58:24,707 --> 00:58:28,419 - You have not left this room since? - Certainly not. 754 00:58:28,586 --> 00:58:30,462 Answer simple... 755 00:58:30,629 --> 00:58:33,257 ...but question very hard. 756 00:58:33,424 --> 00:58:36,719 - Where's the butler? - Completely murdered. 757 00:58:36,885 --> 00:58:40,347 Poisoned. One of the butcher's knives is missing. 758 00:58:40,514 --> 00:58:43,559 We came back here, but the doors were locked. 759 00:58:43,726 --> 00:58:48,022 I went to get the key from the butler. His body was gone. 760 00:58:48,188 --> 00:58:51,066 He'd been stripped and his clothes left. 761 00:58:51,233 --> 00:58:56,030 I don't understand. Why would anyone want to steal a dead, naked body? 762 00:58:56,196 --> 00:58:58,574 Well, dear, there are people who- 763 00:59:00,576 --> 00:59:04,038 That's tacky. That's really tacky. 764 00:59:04,204 --> 00:59:06,248 Then we returned here... 765 00:59:06,415 --> 00:59:09,335 ...opened the door, but the room was empty. 766 00:59:09,501 --> 00:59:12,212 You were all gone. 767 00:59:12,379 --> 00:59:17,301 The moose had told us not to assume that you'd left the dining room. 768 00:59:17,468 --> 00:59:21,388 So we counted to 10 and tried it again. 769 00:59:22,473 --> 00:59:24,433 And here you were. 770 00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:28,937 I'm not one to use hyperbole, but I'll tell you this. 771 00:59:29,104 --> 00:59:34,485 For the first time in my life, I had the ca-ca scared out of me. 772 00:59:34,651 --> 00:59:37,905 I like her. I really like her. 773 00:59:39,198 --> 00:59:41,909 - Gunshots, monsieur. - Gunshots, Pop. 774 00:59:42,076 --> 00:59:44,036 Gunshots, Dickie. 775 00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:51,502 This time Charleston and I will go. Everybody else stay here. Let's go. 776 00:59:56,340 --> 00:59:58,967 What do you make of all of this, Wang? 777 01:00:02,137 --> 01:00:04,056 Is confusing. 778 01:00:04,223 --> 01:00:08,685 "It"! "It" is confusing! Say your goddamn pronouns! 779 01:00:14,942 --> 01:00:16,652 Open the door. 780 01:00:17,778 --> 01:00:19,655 - Good God! - What is it? 781 01:00:19,822 --> 01:00:21,073 He's back. 782 01:00:24,409 --> 01:00:26,620 And au naturel. 783 01:00:26,787 --> 01:00:31,458 I don't get it. First they steal the body and leave the clothes. 784 01:00:31,625 --> 01:00:35,129 Then they steal the clothes and bring the body back. 785 01:00:35,295 --> 01:00:39,049 - Who would do that? - Possibly a deranged dry cleaner. 786 01:00:39,216 --> 01:00:41,135 What about the gunshots? 787 01:00:41,301 --> 01:00:44,138 Why shoot him when he's been poisoned? 788 01:00:44,304 --> 01:00:49,142 We heard shots, but I don't see bullet holes. Not on his head or chest. 789 01:00:49,309 --> 01:00:52,646 - Look all over him. - All over his body? 790 01:00:52,813 --> 01:00:55,148 Somebody has to. I'm standing guard. 791 01:00:55,315 --> 01:00:57,150 I'll stand guard. You look. 792 01:00:57,317 --> 01:00:59,152 We'll take turns. 793 01:00:59,319 --> 01:01:04,074 You look over the first dead naked body, I'll look over the second. 794 01:01:06,118 --> 01:01:09,037 Hurry up. We only got eight minutes. 795 01:01:16,295 --> 01:01:17,504 See anything? 796 01:01:17,671 --> 01:01:20,966 No, I don't see a bullet hole anywhere. 797 01:01:21,133 --> 01:01:24,261 - Hold it. I see something. - What is it? 798 01:01:24,428 --> 01:01:26,847 Forget it. Not a bullet hole. 799 01:01:27,014 --> 01:01:29,850 If he wasn't plugged, what about the shots? 800 01:01:30,017 --> 01:01:32,185 - Divide and conquer. - What? 801 01:01:32,352 --> 01:01:33,562 Another diversion. 802 01:01:33,729 --> 01:01:37,524 He gives us meaningless clues, dangles red herrings... 803 01:01:37,691 --> 01:01:40,027 ...bedazzles us with banalities... 804 01:01:40,193 --> 01:01:44,156 ...while seconds tick away towards the terrible murder. 805 01:01:44,323 --> 01:01:48,368 You're good. Not my kind of cop, but smart, and you smell good. 806 01:01:48,535 --> 01:01:51,622 You're not a pansy, but what the hell are you? 807 01:01:51,788 --> 01:01:53,248 Classy, I suppose. 808 01:01:53,415 --> 01:01:56,585 - Dames fall for a guy like you. - I don't see- 809 01:01:56,752 --> 01:01:58,795 Ever make it with a waitress? 810 01:01:58,962 --> 01:02:02,007 A waitress. Big, fat waitress. 811 01:02:02,174 --> 01:02:04,676 I don't know about society dames... 812 01:02:04,843 --> 01:02:09,014 ...but you ain't had it till you made it with a big waitress. 813 01:02:09,181 --> 01:02:12,517 If you're ever interested, you give me a call. 814 01:02:17,856 --> 01:02:19,232 Bizarre little twit. 815 01:02:19,399 --> 01:02:22,444 I'm still not sure about this guy. 816 01:02:29,701 --> 01:02:32,120 - What are you doing? - I have to wash- 817 01:02:32,287 --> 01:02:34,122 I'll be out in a minute. 818 01:02:34,289 --> 01:02:36,708 I'll go ahead. I'll tell the others. 819 01:02:37,918 --> 01:02:40,962 You're never gonna believe this, folks. 820 01:02:41,129 --> 01:02:42,964 All right, where are you? 821 01:02:43,131 --> 01:02:46,385 What the hell is going on here? 822 01:02:46,551 --> 01:02:49,221 Wash up later. We got problems. 823 01:02:55,227 --> 01:02:57,312 Locked from the inside. 824 01:02:59,564 --> 01:03:02,442 That can only mean one thing... 825 01:03:02,609 --> 01:03:04,903 ...and I don't know what it is. 826 01:03:10,951 --> 01:03:13,245 You're never gonna believe- 827 01:03:22,754 --> 01:03:24,422 I'll be out in a minute. 828 01:03:33,014 --> 01:03:35,600 I don't remember closing that door. 829 01:03:42,023 --> 01:03:43,942 What happened? 830 01:03:45,443 --> 01:03:47,612 What were the gunshots? 831 01:03:50,657 --> 01:03:53,160 Did anybody leave since we were gone? 832 01:03:53,326 --> 01:03:56,454 - It happened to you too. - Where's my Dickie? 833 01:03:57,622 --> 01:03:59,499 Sorry. Where's my husband? 834 01:03:59,666 --> 01:04:03,003 Two minutes to midnight, if anyone is interested. 835 01:04:03,170 --> 01:04:05,297 It ain't possible, I say. 836 01:04:05,463 --> 01:04:10,093 Eight people in a dining room can't turn into an empty room unless- 837 01:04:10,260 --> 01:04:13,471 - Unless what, Sam? - Unless it never happened. 838 01:04:13,638 --> 01:04:15,473 I see your point, Diamond. 839 01:04:15,640 --> 01:04:19,019 When is a room with people not a room with people? 840 01:04:19,185 --> 01:04:21,938 - When it is two dining rooms. - Exactly! 841 01:04:22,105 --> 01:04:23,523 Two dining rooms? 842 01:04:23,690 --> 01:04:27,694 Two dining rooms, two everything. Twain electronic genius. 843 01:04:27,861 --> 01:04:30,405 He's devised a way to move the room... 844 01:04:30,572 --> 01:04:33,199 ...silently, in the flash of an eye... 845 01:04:33,366 --> 01:04:36,202 ...to be replaced by an exact duplicate. 846 01:04:36,369 --> 01:04:38,705 - I knew it all the time. - Please. 847 01:04:38,872 --> 01:04:41,541 I'll demonstrate. I'll walk out the door... 848 01:04:41,708 --> 01:04:46,796 ...close it, knock three times, enter, and you will all be gone. Observe. 849 01:04:52,928 --> 01:04:56,556 I have it figured out. There are two of everything. 850 01:04:56,723 --> 01:04:58,892 Dickie, that's old news. 851 01:04:59,059 --> 01:05:01,144 Everybody take their seats. 852 01:05:01,311 --> 01:05:04,939 - I'm scared, Sam. Hold me. - Hold yourself. I'm busy. 853 01:05:05,106 --> 01:05:07,359 Take the same seats from before. 854 01:05:07,525 --> 01:05:10,987 Forty seconds! I'm very worried about Mr. Perrier. 855 01:05:11,154 --> 01:05:12,447 I'll look for him. 856 01:05:12,614 --> 01:05:15,200 No. Sit, please. No one to leave room. 857 01:05:16,701 --> 01:05:18,662 The other door. 858 01:05:22,248 --> 01:05:24,376 It's locked. I can't open it. 859 01:05:24,542 --> 01:05:26,836 Hurry, man! We have 15 seconds! 860 01:05:27,003 --> 01:05:29,172 Move your hand, chauffeur. 861 01:05:33,593 --> 01:05:34,761 Don't ask. 862 01:05:35,011 --> 01:05:39,766 - Why are you wearing the butler's outfit? - I said don't ask! I don't know. 863 01:05:39,933 --> 01:05:42,060 It all happened too quickly. 864 01:05:42,977 --> 01:05:46,773 The cook. Where's the cook? 865 01:05:46,940 --> 01:05:48,900 - She's gone. - Never spoke. 866 01:05:49,067 --> 01:05:53,071 Ten more seconds. Quickly, sit and join hands. 867 01:05:55,156 --> 01:05:58,701 Impossible for murder to happen without witnesses. 868 01:05:59,369 --> 01:06:02,914 Three... two... one! 869 01:06:33,027 --> 01:06:34,070 It's over. 870 01:06:34,237 --> 01:06:36,614 We're safe and sound. 871 01:06:40,535 --> 01:06:43,079 That's probably the cook. Come in. 872 01:06:43,246 --> 01:06:44,789 The poor woman's deaf. 873 01:06:44,956 --> 01:06:47,876 I'm sorry. I forgot. Come in! 874 01:06:48,918 --> 01:06:51,671 Not sound like cook to me. 875 01:07:06,811 --> 01:07:09,147 Mr. Twain. 876 01:07:09,314 --> 01:07:11,733 You appear to be wrong. 877 01:07:11,900 --> 01:07:15,320 Nobody here murdered. Please to come in. 878 01:07:21,659 --> 01:07:22,702 Is he dead? 879 01:07:22,869 --> 01:07:25,997 With that in him, in the long run he's better off. 880 01:07:26,164 --> 01:07:28,082 - Touch nothing! - Stop that. 881 01:07:28,249 --> 01:07:30,460 We're experienced criminologists. 882 01:07:30,627 --> 01:07:34,589 I find it insulting and redundant to say "touch nothing." 883 01:07:34,756 --> 01:07:37,050 - Quiet, woman. - Up yours, fella. 884 01:07:37,216 --> 01:07:41,804 Most amusing. Bickering detectives like making giant lamb stew: 885 01:07:41,971 --> 01:07:45,016 - Everything go to pot. - Be quiet! 886 01:07:48,102 --> 01:07:50,521 Shut up, all of youse! Nobody move! 887 01:07:50,688 --> 01:07:52,941 - Stay where you are! - What is it? 888 01:07:53,107 --> 01:07:57,195 I have to go to the can again. I don't wanna miss nothing. 889 01:07:57,362 --> 01:07:59,238 I'm going too, Sam. 890 01:08:01,157 --> 01:08:05,286 I'd rather do this alone, Tess. Thanks anyway. 891 01:08:07,997 --> 01:08:09,999 The cook. 892 01:08:10,166 --> 01:08:11,751 What, darling? 893 01:08:11,918 --> 01:08:14,337 It's obvious. The cook murdered him. 894 01:08:14,504 --> 01:08:17,674 The butler's dead. All of us were in this room. 895 01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:21,302 No one could get in. That leaves the cook. Right? 896 01:08:21,469 --> 01:08:22,679 Wrong. 897 01:08:22,845 --> 01:08:25,348 What makes you certain of this? 898 01:08:25,515 --> 01:08:29,936 To drive a knife that far up a man's back, you need a strong arm. 899 01:08:30,103 --> 01:08:32,939 And this arm don't look that strong to me. 900 01:08:33,106 --> 01:08:37,527 - Is that her arm? - It ain't the pussycat's tail. 901 01:08:37,694 --> 01:08:40,363 Don't be alarmed, miss. It ain't real. 902 01:08:40,530 --> 01:08:43,616 For that matter, neither is the cook. 903 01:08:44,826 --> 01:08:48,204 I found this before I got to the can. 904 01:08:49,997 --> 01:08:52,917 Got a little surprise for you folks. 905 01:08:57,046 --> 01:08:58,715 - Look! - A mannequin! 906 01:08:59,799 --> 01:09:02,844 A dummy, perfect in every detail... 907 01:09:03,010 --> 01:09:06,931 ...with the exception of not being able to make her speak. 908 01:09:07,098 --> 01:09:10,226 Hats off to the man with the shiv in his back. 909 01:09:10,393 --> 01:09:12,645 Except that he's dead, he's no dope. 910 01:09:12,812 --> 01:09:14,188 Nice going, Sam. 911 01:09:14,355 --> 01:09:18,484 I hope you realize that someone in this room is a murderer. 912 01:09:18,651 --> 01:09:20,653 For sake of ladies present... 913 01:09:20,820 --> 01:09:23,489 ...may we return to drawing room? 914 01:09:23,656 --> 01:09:25,908 My son will cover up Mr. Twain. 915 01:09:26,075 --> 01:09:29,662 - Why do I do the work? - Your mother not here to do it. 916 01:09:29,829 --> 01:09:31,456 Come, please. 917 01:09:46,721 --> 01:09:48,306 Excuse me. 918 01:09:55,313 --> 01:10:00,151 I'm getting a headache. Isn't there a way to turn off that machine? 919 01:10:00,318 --> 01:10:03,613 Maybe some gadget outside the window. 920 01:10:08,659 --> 01:10:10,578 It's raining this time. 921 01:10:10,745 --> 01:10:13,497 Let's get to business and sort the facts. 922 01:10:13,664 --> 01:10:16,042 It is now 12:30 Sunday morning. 923 01:10:16,209 --> 01:10:18,920 The doors and windows will open at dawn. 924 01:10:19,086 --> 01:10:21,839 One of us will be a million dollars richer... 925 01:10:22,006 --> 01:10:25,092 ...and one will go to the gas chamber to hang. 926 01:10:25,259 --> 01:10:29,722 One, Monsieur Perrier? Why not two? We all have associates. 927 01:10:29,889 --> 01:10:33,226 Why not six or eight? I don't trust any of youse. 928 01:10:33,392 --> 01:10:38,105 Maybe I'm a patsy set up for a fall, but I'm not falling for youse. 929 01:10:38,272 --> 01:10:39,398 Not even me? 930 01:10:39,565 --> 01:10:43,903 Why don't you fall in love with the Jap kid and get off my back? 931 01:10:44,070 --> 01:10:46,447 Can we get back to case, please? 932 01:10:46,614 --> 01:10:49,951 Time is late and my eyes are getting tired. 933 01:10:50,117 --> 01:10:53,454 - Thought they always looked like that. - Knock it off! 934 01:10:53,621 --> 01:10:57,917 Sorry. This case is getting on my nerves. I'm sorry, slanty. 935 01:10:58,084 --> 01:11:01,420 Thank you. Now then, facts, please, facts. 936 01:11:01,587 --> 01:11:06,592 Mr. Twain predicts murder. Predicts victim to be at table, correct? 937 01:11:06,759 --> 01:11:08,219 Correct. 938 01:11:08,386 --> 01:11:10,596 This is official. Correct. 939 01:11:10,763 --> 01:11:15,434 Predicts murder to take place at midnight and number of stab wounds. 940 01:11:15,601 --> 01:11:19,105 How, if he not in collaboration with murderer? 941 01:11:19,271 --> 01:11:22,692 - What if Twain did it himself? - Murdered himself? 942 01:11:22,858 --> 01:11:26,278 For what possible reason? And how? 943 01:11:26,445 --> 01:11:28,990 The motive is simple: ego. 944 01:11:29,156 --> 01:11:33,577 If we weren't to solve this, he'd be the world's best detective. 945 01:11:33,744 --> 01:11:38,290 With an ego like his, that he died for it is a small price to pay. 946 01:11:38,457 --> 01:11:42,545 Any man who can create this chamber of electronic marvels... 947 01:11:42,712 --> 01:11:47,508 ...would be able to devise a machine to stab him in the back 12 times. 948 01:11:47,675 --> 01:11:50,177 That was wonderful. I'm so proud. 949 01:11:50,344 --> 01:11:52,972 - Let's go to bed, quickly. - One moment. 950 01:11:53,139 --> 01:11:55,850 Very interesting theory... 951 01:11:56,016 --> 01:11:59,645 ...but you overlook one very important point. 952 01:11:59,812 --> 01:12:02,314 - And that is? - It's stupid. 953 01:12:02,481 --> 01:12:05,985 It's most stupid theory I ever heard! 954 01:12:06,152 --> 01:12:09,780 - Do you have a better one? - Yeah, much better one. 955 01:12:09,947 --> 01:12:12,992 You see, I have been doing my homework. 956 01:12:13,159 --> 01:12:15,578 For example, I have information... 957 01:12:15,745 --> 01:12:18,664 ...that your wife's portfolio of stocks... 958 01:12:18,831 --> 01:12:22,084 ...was seriously depleted in financial crisis. 959 01:12:22,251 --> 01:12:27,214 In short, you are flat broke. You've been borrowing for two years... 960 01:12:27,381 --> 01:12:30,259 ...at 17% interest from Mr. Lionel Twain. 961 01:12:30,426 --> 01:12:32,136 Broke? Is this true? 962 01:12:32,303 --> 01:12:35,181 I was saving it for your birthday. 963 01:12:35,347 --> 01:12:37,725 One million dollars would buy... 964 01:12:37,892 --> 01:12:41,187 ...great many tight suits, would it not? 965 01:12:41,353 --> 01:12:43,689 - See here, Wang- - Dead broke? 966 01:12:43,856 --> 01:12:47,109 Almost, darling. I have $1.17 and some stamps. 967 01:12:47,276 --> 01:12:50,613 But I didn't murder Twain. You do believe that? 968 01:12:50,779 --> 01:12:55,326 - We'll talk. We'll see. - It could have been any one of you. 969 01:12:55,493 --> 01:12:58,829 Each one of us was out of that room at one time... 970 01:12:58,996 --> 01:13:02,208 ...giving ample opportunity to commit the crime. 971 01:13:02,374 --> 01:13:05,878 As for motives, there's more than ego and cash. 972 01:13:06,045 --> 01:13:07,713 For example, revenge. 973 01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:09,882 Meaning what, Mr. Charleston? 974 01:13:10,049 --> 01:13:14,303 I'm not the only one who's had a past experience with Twain. 975 01:13:14,470 --> 01:13:17,389 He was quite a ladies' man in his day. 976 01:13:17,556 --> 01:13:19,725 Are you suggesting someone here- 977 01:13:19,892 --> 01:13:22,311 Was once in love with Lionel Twain. 978 01:13:22,478 --> 01:13:24,897 He was engaged to and jilted... 979 01:13:25,064 --> 01:13:27,191 ...Miss Jessica Marbles. 980 01:13:30,527 --> 01:13:32,738 Jesus H. Christ! 981 01:13:32,905 --> 01:13:35,241 Jilted 54 years ago at the altar. 982 01:13:35,407 --> 01:13:38,202 Left her there in that same tweed outfit. 983 01:13:39,245 --> 01:13:42,081 - Is this true, Jessie? - I was not jilted. 984 01:13:42,248 --> 01:13:43,749 I walked out on him. 985 01:13:43,916 --> 01:13:46,919 He wanted to fool around before the wedding. 986 01:13:47,086 --> 01:13:50,089 And being the lady you are, you refused. 987 01:13:50,256 --> 01:13:55,761 Not completely. But it got out of hand. He was horrid, but I didn't kill him. 988 01:13:55,928 --> 01:13:58,889 That's good enough for me. What about you? 989 01:13:59,056 --> 01:14:02,393 I'm not a Frenchy! I'm a Belgy! 990 01:14:03,394 --> 01:14:07,273 And as for other motives, how about patricide? 991 01:14:07,439 --> 01:14:10,109 The killing of one's own parent? 992 01:14:10,276 --> 01:14:14,780 You mean that Lionel Twain was the father of someone in this room? 993 01:14:14,947 --> 01:14:16,365 He wasn't my father. 994 01:14:18,492 --> 01:14:20,786 He was my uncle. 995 01:14:21,203 --> 01:14:22,955 He was very good to me. 996 01:14:23,122 --> 01:14:26,458 He would take me to the circus and give me candy. 997 01:14:26,625 --> 01:14:30,754 We stopped going when I was about 26. 998 01:14:32,798 --> 01:14:34,174 I'm sorry, Sam. 999 01:14:34,341 --> 01:14:37,302 Twenty-six? What kind of a circus was it? 1000 01:14:37,469 --> 01:14:41,765 Forgive me, but I was talking about patricide, not uncle-cide. 1001 01:14:41,932 --> 01:14:44,476 Twain may have been your uncle... 1002 01:14:44,643 --> 01:14:47,646 ...but he was the illegitimate father of... 1003 01:14:47,813 --> 01:14:50,399 ...Monsieur Sidney Wang! 1004 01:14:52,568 --> 01:14:54,570 It not true. 1005 01:14:54,737 --> 01:14:57,906 I was adopted. I have my papers. 1006 01:14:58,073 --> 01:15:01,410 That is why I have adopted all my children. 1007 01:15:01,577 --> 01:15:03,328 I was wondering. 1008 01:15:04,663 --> 01:15:06,874 He loved me very much... 1009 01:15:07,041 --> 01:15:09,668 ...but he was not very observant. 1010 01:15:09,835 --> 01:15:15,007 One day when I was 19, he called me to his study... 1011 01:15:15,174 --> 01:15:19,344 ...noticed for first time I was Oriental, and kicked me out. 1012 01:15:19,511 --> 01:15:21,847 - I could have- - Killed him, Wang? 1013 01:15:22,014 --> 01:15:24,433 As easily as you, Monsieur Perrier. 1014 01:15:24,600 --> 01:15:28,353 Lionel Twain killed the only thing you ever loved: 1015 01:15:28,520 --> 01:15:31,940 Marie-Louise Cartier. 1016 01:15:44,495 --> 01:15:46,872 Your sweetheart? 1017 01:15:49,208 --> 01:15:51,293 My poodle. 1018 01:15:52,419 --> 01:15:55,714 He was a most cruel man. 1019 01:15:55,881 --> 01:16:00,052 Monsieur would come to France every season... 1020 01:16:01,345 --> 01:16:03,388 ...to hunt poodles. 1021 01:16:04,473 --> 01:16:06,141 The day they brought... 1022 01:16:06,308 --> 01:16:09,645 ...her bloodied collar to me, I vowed I would- 1023 01:16:09,811 --> 01:16:14,024 - Knock him off? - Yes, gladly, if I had the chance. 1024 01:16:14,483 --> 01:16:16,193 But I did not. 1025 01:16:16,360 --> 01:16:18,403 Someone here beat me to it. 1026 01:16:18,570 --> 01:16:22,241 There's more than one reason that we was invited here. 1027 01:16:22,407 --> 01:16:25,911 Not only was Twain testing us as detectives... 1028 01:16:26,078 --> 01:16:29,039 ...but we all have motives for doing him in. 1029 01:16:29,206 --> 01:16:32,292 Have not yet heard your motive, Mr. Diamond. 1030 01:16:32,459 --> 01:16:35,045 My motive is unimportant. 1031 01:16:35,212 --> 01:16:38,340 Let's say that I hated him enough to kill him. 1032 01:16:38,507 --> 01:16:43,595 You are closed man, Mr. Diamond. You hide many things. 1033 01:16:43,762 --> 01:16:47,933 Could it be that Mr. Twain discover your secret? 1034 01:16:48,100 --> 01:16:50,894 I don't know what you're talking about. 1035 01:16:51,061 --> 01:16:54,940 We know different, do we not, Miss Skeffington? 1036 01:16:58,026 --> 01:17:00,612 Twain picked up Sam in a gay bar. 1037 01:17:00,779 --> 01:17:03,949 I was working on a case. Working. 1038 01:17:04,116 --> 01:17:06,159 Every night for six months? 1039 01:17:06,326 --> 01:17:10,205 I got 50 bucks a day and expenses. I hate them queeries. 1040 01:17:11,206 --> 01:17:12,958 Twain... 1041 01:17:13,125 --> 01:17:16,003 ...had Polaroid pictures of Sam in drag. 1042 01:17:16,169 --> 01:17:20,132 I was in disguise. Lots of dames go in those joints. 1043 01:17:20,299 --> 01:17:22,092 I never kissed nobody. 1044 01:17:22,259 --> 01:17:25,679 I never did nothing to a man that I wouldn't do to a woman. 1045 01:17:25,846 --> 01:17:28,598 And I didn't kill Twain. 1046 01:17:30,600 --> 01:17:32,477 Bitch. 1047 01:17:32,644 --> 01:17:34,646 Most interesting. 1048 01:17:34,813 --> 01:17:38,900 All had perfect motives for killing Twain. 1049 01:17:39,067 --> 01:17:42,237 Wonder which one was one who done it. 1050 01:17:43,238 --> 01:17:45,866 We still have the night to get through. 1051 01:17:46,033 --> 01:17:50,579 If anyone's going to solve this, I say we get a good night's sleep. 1052 01:17:50,746 --> 01:17:53,331 And I suggest we all lock our doors. 1053 01:17:53,498 --> 01:17:55,751 One of us is a mad killer... 1054 01:17:55,917 --> 01:17:58,837 ...and not to be trusted. 1055 01:18:43,423 --> 01:18:45,926 Who do you think is the murderer? 1056 01:18:46,092 --> 01:18:47,677 Must sleep on it. 1057 01:18:47,844 --> 01:18:51,389 Will know in morning when wake up. 1058 01:18:51,556 --> 01:18:53,725 What if you don't wake up? 1059 01:18:53,892 --> 01:18:56,061 Then you did it. 1060 01:18:56,228 --> 01:18:58,146 Go sleep, please. 1061 01:18:59,564 --> 01:19:04,486 - Good night, Dad. - Should have adopted pussycat. 1062 01:19:11,868 --> 01:19:14,579 Should I turn off the steam, Pop? 1063 01:19:16,206 --> 01:19:18,333 Not steam. 1064 01:19:18,500 --> 01:19:22,295 Someone just put deadly snake in room. 1065 01:19:22,462 --> 01:19:25,549 Wake me when it come near bed. 1066 01:19:28,552 --> 01:19:32,264 I want you to know, Dickie, if you're the murderer... 1067 01:19:32,430 --> 01:19:34,099 ...I'll still love you. 1068 01:19:34,266 --> 01:19:38,353 It wouldn't be right for us to make love, but I'd love you. 1069 01:19:38,520 --> 01:19:42,148 No fear of that, pet. Let's see what we have here. 1070 01:19:42,315 --> 01:19:45,986 We have one missing, dead, naked butler... 1071 01:19:46,152 --> 01:19:48,947 ...one host with a knife in his back... 1072 01:19:49,114 --> 01:19:52,033 ...and one scorpion crawling up our sheets. 1073 01:19:52,200 --> 01:19:55,412 - Is that what that is? - They can kill instantly. 1074 01:19:55,579 --> 01:19:57,914 I suggest we don't move. 1075 01:19:58,790 --> 01:20:00,166 For how long? 1076 01:20:00,333 --> 01:20:03,503 Quite possibly for the rest of our lives. 1077 01:20:07,340 --> 01:20:10,802 Good heavens! I know who the murderer is. 1078 01:20:10,969 --> 01:20:12,345 Solvey-poo? 1079 01:20:12,512 --> 01:20:16,474 Yes, Miss Withers. The murderer is- 1080 01:20:16,641 --> 01:20:17,976 Good God! Gas! 1081 01:20:18,143 --> 01:20:20,729 I'm sorry. I can't help it. I'm old. 1082 01:20:20,895 --> 01:20:25,150 No, no. The other kind of gas. The kind that kills. 1083 01:20:25,317 --> 01:20:29,904 - Sometimes my gas- - It's seeping in through the vent! 1084 01:20:39,372 --> 01:20:41,416 It's locked from the outside. 1085 01:20:42,459 --> 01:20:43,668 Help! 1086 01:20:43,835 --> 01:20:47,130 Doesn't smell that bad to me. 1087 01:20:47,964 --> 01:20:49,132 Help! 1088 01:21:02,270 --> 01:21:05,857 Did I do right, Sam, telling them about the gay bar? 1089 01:21:06,024 --> 01:21:11,654 Perfect. They took the bait like a dumb halibut. Let them think I'm a pansy. 1090 01:21:11,821 --> 01:21:16,242 While they're suspecting me, one of them will let his pants down. 1091 01:21:17,494 --> 01:21:22,248 Why do you keep all those naked muscle men magazines in your office? 1092 01:21:22,415 --> 01:21:25,543 Suspects. Always looking for suspects. 1093 01:21:26,920 --> 01:21:29,714 What's that ticking sound I hear? 1094 01:21:36,930 --> 01:21:41,768 "That ticking sound is a bomb that will go off in 30 seconds. 1095 01:21:41,935 --> 01:21:44,145 - Signed, the murderer." - The door! 1096 01:21:44,312 --> 01:21:46,523 "P.S. The door is locked." 1097 01:21:53,738 --> 01:21:56,407 I'm sorry about this, Tess. 1098 01:21:56,574 --> 01:22:01,246 - Me owing you all that money too. - That's all right. What will we do? 1099 01:22:01,412 --> 01:22:03,039 I got an idea. 1100 01:22:03,206 --> 01:22:06,417 I don't know if this will work. Turn around! 1101 01:22:06,584 --> 01:22:09,754 - I'm turned. - Whatever you do, don't turn back. 1102 01:22:09,921 --> 01:22:11,756 - If anything- - Do as I say. 1103 01:22:11,923 --> 01:22:17,345 - I will, Sam. - Good. Because I think I'm gonna cry. 1104 01:22:31,609 --> 01:22:35,613 - What are you doing in my bed? - There's no place to sleep. 1105 01:22:35,780 --> 01:22:37,949 Sleep in the car, you chauffeur. 1106 01:22:38,116 --> 01:22:41,244 Unfair. I will tell everyone you wear a toupee. 1107 01:22:41,411 --> 01:22:44,122 - They already know. - Why do you wear it? 1108 01:22:44,289 --> 01:22:46,124 I didn't know you knew. 1109 01:22:46,291 --> 01:22:50,837 Certainly I know. It's a terrible toupee. 1110 01:22:53,047 --> 01:22:55,300 A bomb. Across the hall. 1111 01:22:55,466 --> 01:22:57,594 Quickly, the door! 1112 01:23:03,725 --> 01:23:05,810 It's locked from the outside. 1113 01:23:05,977 --> 01:23:09,897 You look taller to me. Why is that? 1114 01:23:10,064 --> 01:23:12,525 Monsieur, I'm not getting taller. 1115 01:23:12,692 --> 01:23:16,321 If you aren't getting taller, there's one alternative. 1116 01:23:16,487 --> 01:23:18,948 The room is getting shorter! 1117 01:23:20,199 --> 01:23:22,910 The ceiling is coming down! 1118 01:23:34,005 --> 01:23:36,591 - What'll we do? - I don't know! 1119 01:23:36,758 --> 01:23:40,970 But this is exactly how they make goose liver pate. 1120 01:24:12,835 --> 01:24:15,046 Not so fast, please. 1121 01:24:15,213 --> 01:24:17,715 Do not cross out Wang name. 1122 01:24:17,882 --> 01:24:21,052 Cross out "snake" instead. 1123 01:24:21,219 --> 01:24:25,890 Nice shot, Pop. Sure wish you weren't such a heavy sleeper. 1124 01:24:26,057 --> 01:24:28,059 And now... 1125 01:24:28,226 --> 01:24:31,062 ...if you please. 1126 01:24:31,229 --> 01:24:33,272 One million dollars... 1127 01:24:33,439 --> 01:24:35,900 ...Mr. Bensonmum. 1128 01:24:36,067 --> 01:24:37,944 Banzai, Pop! 1129 01:24:39,070 --> 01:24:41,239 Very clever of you, Mr. Wang. 1130 01:24:41,405 --> 01:24:45,785 Oh, yes. As you can see, I can see. 1131 01:24:45,952 --> 01:24:48,079 So I see. 1132 01:24:48,246 --> 01:24:52,667 Tell me, as the only survivor, how did you deduce it was me? 1133 01:24:52,834 --> 01:24:57,922 Went back to theory seldom used today: 1134 01:24:58,381 --> 01:24:59,799 Butler did it. 1135 01:25:01,134 --> 01:25:03,261 I hadn't thought of that. 1136 01:25:03,427 --> 01:25:06,347 How do you account for my dead body? 1137 01:25:07,390 --> 01:25:11,435 Body made of plastic, same as plastic cook. 1138 01:25:11,602 --> 01:25:14,814 While we examine plastic butler... 1139 01:25:14,981 --> 01:25:17,149 ...you murder Lionel Twain. 1140 01:25:17,984 --> 01:25:20,945 You're a clever little laundry man, Mr. Wang. 1141 01:25:21,112 --> 01:25:23,531 But not quite clever enough! 1142 01:25:23,698 --> 01:25:28,327 I'll take that one million dollars, Bensonmum... 1143 01:25:28,494 --> 01:25:30,496 ...alias Irving Goldman. 1144 01:25:32,248 --> 01:25:34,500 Irving Goldman? 1145 01:25:34,667 --> 01:25:35,835 Yes. 1146 01:25:36,002 --> 01:25:39,964 Irving Goldman was the attorney of the late Lionel Twain. 1147 01:25:40,131 --> 01:25:42,383 Lionel Twain died five years ago. 1148 01:25:42,550 --> 01:25:46,554 His body was discovered in Goldman's filing cabinet. 1149 01:25:46,721 --> 01:25:49,849 Am I correct, Mr. Goldman? 1150 01:25:50,016 --> 01:25:53,185 Yeah. Correct, Miss Marbles. 1151 01:25:53,352 --> 01:25:56,147 But how did you escape the poison gas? 1152 01:25:56,314 --> 01:25:58,649 Quite simple. I covered my mouth... 1153 01:25:58,816 --> 01:26:02,570 ...and let Miss Withers here breathe in all the gas. 1154 01:26:02,820 --> 01:26:05,948 - Sicky-poo. - Yes, dear, I know. 1155 01:26:06,115 --> 01:26:09,660 - The million dollars, please. - I wouldn't, Goldman. 1156 01:26:09,827 --> 01:26:11,662 Or is it Goldman? 1157 01:26:11,829 --> 01:26:14,582 Actually, it's Mr. Marvin Metzner. 1158 01:26:16,334 --> 01:26:18,044 Marvin Metzner? 1159 01:26:19,295 --> 01:26:22,548 Very good, Mr. Charleston. 1160 01:26:22,715 --> 01:26:24,842 But how did you know? 1161 01:26:25,009 --> 01:26:30,056 The bill in the dead butler's hand stating the weekend had been catered. 1162 01:26:30,222 --> 01:26:34,810 - Only an accountant would keep that. - Get the money and let's go. 1163 01:26:34,977 --> 01:26:37,647 Goldman died last month while skiing. 1164 01:26:37,813 --> 01:26:40,858 He jumped 200 feet into a low-flying plane. 1165 01:26:41,025 --> 01:26:42,735 I can't wait much longer. 1166 01:26:42,902 --> 01:26:46,489 You've not lost your touch, Mr. Charleston. 1167 01:26:46,656 --> 01:26:49,700 But how did you elude the deadly scorpion? 1168 01:26:49,867 --> 01:26:51,535 We didn't. He stung Dora. 1169 01:26:51,702 --> 01:26:55,164 - We have 15 minutes to reach a doctor. - Explain later. 1170 01:26:55,331 --> 01:26:58,292 We'll make it. Never fear. The prize money. 1171 01:26:58,459 --> 01:27:00,711 Belongs to me, monsieur. 1172 01:27:00,878 --> 01:27:04,340 Marcel, being one of the world's strongest men... 1173 01:27:04,507 --> 01:27:09,136 ...stopped your ceiling from crushing us at four feet, five inches. 1174 01:27:09,303 --> 01:27:13,140 It may be months before we're able to straighten again... 1175 01:27:13,307 --> 01:27:17,895 ...but a million dollars will buy a lot of back braces. 1176 01:27:18,062 --> 01:27:22,233 Eh, Miss Irene Twain? 1177 01:27:22,400 --> 01:27:24,318 Daughter of Lionel! 1178 01:27:24,485 --> 01:27:26,320 What? 1179 01:27:27,446 --> 01:27:30,783 I prefer to be called Rita. 1180 01:27:32,910 --> 01:27:34,453 But how did you know? 1181 01:27:34,620 --> 01:27:38,791 Never underestimate a Frenchman's nostrils, Miss Twain. 1182 01:27:38,958 --> 01:27:40,835 At dinner tonight... 1183 01:27:41,001 --> 01:27:43,671 ...I smelled your Chanel No. 5. 1184 01:27:43,838 --> 01:27:46,132 You did away with all of them: 1185 01:27:46,298 --> 01:27:49,927 Metzner, Goldman and your father. 1186 01:27:50,094 --> 01:27:51,804 If you had your way... 1187 01:27:51,971 --> 01:27:55,808 ...you'd do away with all men, would you not, Miss Twain? 1188 01:27:55,975 --> 01:27:58,853 Men who have made you suffer... 1189 01:27:59,019 --> 01:28:01,772 ...because you were born with brains... 1190 01:28:01,939 --> 01:28:06,652 ...talent, money, everything but that which you most desired: 1191 01:28:06,819 --> 01:28:08,696 Beauty. 1192 01:28:08,863 --> 01:28:11,240 It is a statement of fact... 1193 01:28:11,407 --> 01:28:14,910 ...that as a man you are passable, but as a woman... 1194 01:28:15,077 --> 01:28:17,329 ...you are a dog. 1195 01:28:17,496 --> 01:28:21,750 That's your opinion, big boy. 1196 01:28:22,918 --> 01:28:24,795 And now my money, please. 1197 01:28:24,962 --> 01:28:29,466 With luck, I can still make dinner at Maxim's. 1198 01:28:29,633 --> 01:28:32,011 I'd just order a tuna sandwich... 1199 01:28:32,178 --> 01:28:34,346 ...because that dough is mine. 1200 01:28:34,513 --> 01:28:36,182 That's right, I'm alive. 1201 01:28:36,348 --> 01:28:39,810 Miss Skeffington dropped your bomb down the john. 1202 01:28:39,977 --> 01:28:44,648 It blew up as she flushed. The seat missed her head by an inch. 1203 01:28:45,357 --> 01:28:47,651 I'm all right, J.J. 1204 01:28:47,818 --> 01:28:49,445 J.J.? 1205 01:28:52,531 --> 01:28:56,118 That's right, folks. He outsmarted us all. 1206 01:28:56,452 --> 01:28:59,788 Sitting behind that desk is the real Sam Diamond. 1207 01:29:00,831 --> 01:29:02,207 My name is Loomis. 1208 01:29:02,374 --> 01:29:05,961 J.J. Loomis. I'm an actor. I do impressions. 1209 01:29:06,128 --> 01:29:09,673 I did the Carson show six times last year. 1210 01:29:09,840 --> 01:29:12,176 Diamond hired me for the weekend. 1211 01:29:12,343 --> 01:29:14,511 Miss Skeffington is Vilma Norman. 1212 01:29:14,678 --> 01:29:18,891 She's a cocktail waitress at the Water Bed Motel in Carmel. 1213 01:29:20,851 --> 01:29:22,561 Diamond hated all of you. 1214 01:29:22,728 --> 01:29:27,274 You're getting big money, and he had that office in San Francisco. 1215 01:29:27,441 --> 01:29:30,527 If he proved he was number one, he'd get your clients. 1216 01:29:30,694 --> 01:29:33,822 But since I put all the pieces together... 1217 01:29:35,240 --> 01:29:38,952 ...I figure that money belongs to me. 1218 01:29:40,079 --> 01:29:42,164 Isn't that right, Mr. Diamond? 1219 01:29:44,917 --> 01:29:46,335 Wrong. 1220 01:29:47,002 --> 01:29:50,714 That would've been so obvious, a child could have guessed. 1221 01:29:50,881 --> 01:29:53,842 No, colleagues. What you seem to overlook... 1222 01:29:54,009 --> 01:29:56,887 ...is the most simple and direct solution. 1223 01:29:57,054 --> 01:30:00,683 That I am indeed Lionel Twain. 1224 01:30:04,019 --> 01:30:08,607 You've all been so clever for so long... 1225 01:30:08,774 --> 01:30:11,110 ...you've forgotten to be humble. 1226 01:30:11,276 --> 01:30:14,613 You've tricked and fooled your readers for years. 1227 01:30:14,780 --> 01:30:18,617 You've tortured us with surprise endings that made no sense. 1228 01:30:18,784 --> 01:30:24,415 You've introduced characters at the end that weren't in the book before! 1229 01:30:24,581 --> 01:30:27,918 You've withheld clues and information... 1230 01:30:28,085 --> 01:30:31,755 ...that made it impossible for us to guess who did it. 1231 01:30:31,922 --> 01:30:35,426 But now the tables are turned. 1232 01:30:36,552 --> 01:30:39,680 Millions of angry mystery readers... 1233 01:30:39,847 --> 01:30:42,933 ...are now getting their revenge. 1234 01:30:43,100 --> 01:30:46,645 When the world learns I've outsmarted you... 1235 01:30:46,812 --> 01:30:51,108 ...they'll be selling your $1.95 books for 12 cents. 1236 01:30:51,275 --> 01:30:54,111 It's checkout time, ladies and gentlemen. 1237 01:30:54,278 --> 01:30:57,114 I have your bills ready. 1238 01:30:58,282 --> 01:31:00,659 Credit cards will be accepted. 1239 01:31:21,346 --> 01:31:25,893 - Even the scorpion was a fake? - Everything. The bridge, the maid. 1240 01:31:26,059 --> 01:31:29,855 - But you're sure about the scorpion? - Positive. 1241 01:31:30,022 --> 01:31:33,817 Even the fog. He made that with a dry ice machine. See. 1242 01:31:33,984 --> 01:31:35,861 How awfully unromantic. 1243 01:31:41,950 --> 01:31:44,828 Then if he really was Lionel Twain... 1244 01:31:44,995 --> 01:31:49,499 - ...you must really be Sam Diamond. - That's right, baby. 1245 01:31:49,666 --> 01:31:52,628 I was in disguise, in disguise, in disguise. 1246 01:31:52,794 --> 01:31:55,756 You work hard for 50 bucks in this racket. 1247 01:31:55,923 --> 01:31:59,343 I guess that means we won't see each other again. 1248 01:31:59,509 --> 01:32:03,221 Well, that depends. I'll be around if you need me. 1249 01:32:03,805 --> 01:32:06,850 All you gotta do is whistle. 1250 01:32:07,267 --> 01:32:11,772 - You know how to whistle, don't you? - Certainly. What do you mean? 1251 01:32:11,939 --> 01:32:14,983 Never mind. Forget it. You ruined it. 1252 01:32:18,403 --> 01:32:22,157 I don't understand. Was there a murder or wasn't there? 1253 01:32:22,324 --> 01:32:24,618 Yes. Killed good weekend. 1254 01:32:24,785 --> 01:32:26,662 Drive, please.