1
00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:08,065
(drumroll)
2
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:12,135
(rousing orchestral fanfare playing)
3
00:00:20,622 --> 00:00:24,786
(fanfare ends)
4
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,429
(jazz intro)
5
00:00:33,535 --> 00:00:35,435
(man singing folk)
6
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,377
(singing continues)
7
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:07,264
(men sing chorus)
8
00:01:17,112 --> 00:01:20,081
(jazzy instrumental break)
9
00:01:33,061 --> 00:01:36,030
(country fiddle playing)
10
00:01:48,743 --> 00:01:50,370
(singing continues)
11
00:02:19,174 --> 00:02:22,735
(men sing chorus)
12
00:02:26,181 --> 00:02:27,842
(singing continues)
13
00:02:29,818 --> 00:02:33,845
(music ends)
14
00:02:40,529 --> 00:02:42,190
Robin Williger.
15
00:02:42,297 --> 00:02:45,892
He is a 15-year-old freshman
from Racine, Wisconsin.
16
00:02:46,001 --> 00:02:47,696
He enjoys studying history.
17
00:02:47,802 --> 00:02:49,429
He's on the debate team.
18
00:02:49,538 --> 00:02:52,803
Robin's future looked
very, very bright,
19
00:02:52,908 --> 00:02:54,739
but recently he was
diagnosed with cancer,
20
00:02:54,843 --> 00:02:56,401
a very tough kind of cancer.
21
00:02:56,511 --> 00:03:00,072
Robin tells me he has
quit smoking, though,
22
00:03:00,182 --> 00:03:03,413
and he no longer thinks
that cigarettes are cool.
23
00:03:03,518 --> 00:03:05,986
(applause)
24
00:03:07,556 --> 00:03:09,854
Whoo!
25
00:03:09,958 --> 00:03:13,223
And our final guest today
is Nick Naylor.
26
00:03:13,328 --> 00:03:17,890
Mr. Naylor is the vice president
of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
27
00:03:17,999 --> 00:03:21,025
Now, they are the tobacco
industry's main lobby
28
00:03:21,136 --> 00:03:22,433
in Washington, D.C.
29
00:03:22,537 --> 00:03:25,597
and Mr. Naylor is
their chief spokesman.
30
00:03:25,707 --> 00:03:28,938
(audience murmuring)
31
00:03:38,687 --> 00:03:41,986
(booing, hissing)
32
00:03:43,592 --> 00:03:45,389
NICK:
Few people on this planet know
33
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,620
what it is to be truly despised.
34
00:03:47,729 --> 00:03:49,959
Can you blame them?
35
00:03:50,065 --> 00:03:52,431
I earn a living
fronting an organization
36
00:03:52,534 --> 00:03:55,799
that kills 1,200 human beings a day.
37
00:03:55,904 --> 00:03:57,098
1,200 people.
38
00:03:57,205 --> 00:03:59,696
We're talking
two jumbojet plane loads
39
00:03:59,808 --> 00:04:02,504
of men, women and children.
40
00:04:02,611 --> 00:04:03,635
I mean, there's Attila,
41
00:04:03,745 --> 00:04:05,269
Genghis,
42
00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:06,278
and me,
43
00:04:06,381 --> 00:04:07,643
Nick Naylor,
44
00:04:07,749 --> 00:04:08,773
the face of cigarettes...
45
00:04:08,883 --> 00:04:11,647
the Colonel Sanders of nicotine.
46
00:04:11,753 --> 00:04:13,220
This is where I work,
47
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,846
the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
48
00:04:15,957 --> 00:04:18,118
It was established
by seven gentlemen
49
00:04:18,226 --> 00:04:19,818
you may recognize from C-SPAN.
50
00:04:19,928 --> 00:04:22,556
These guys realized quick
if they were going to claim
51
00:04:22,664 --> 00:04:23,756
that cigarettes were not addictive,
52
00:04:23,865 --> 00:04:26,026
they better have proof.
53
00:04:26,134 --> 00:04:27,965
This is the man they rely on,
54
00:04:28,069 --> 00:04:30,196
Erhardt Von Grupten Mundt.
55
00:04:30,305 --> 00:04:32,569
They found him in Germany.
56
00:04:32,674 --> 00:04:34,198
I won't go into the details.
57
00:04:34,309 --> 00:04:35,469
He's been testing the link
58
00:04:35,577 --> 00:04:36,805
between nicotine
and lung cancer
59
00:04:36,911 --> 00:04:40,176
for 30 years and hasn't found
any conclusive results.
60
00:04:40,282 --> 00:04:41,180
The man's a genius.
61
00:04:41,283 --> 00:04:42,944
He could disprove gravity.
62
00:04:43,051 --> 00:04:44,712
Then we've got our sharks.
63
00:04:44,819 --> 00:04:46,582
We draft them out
of Ivy League law schools
64
00:04:46,688 --> 00:04:48,986
and give them time-shares
and sports cars.
65
00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:50,648
It's just like
a John Grisham novel-
66
00:04:50,759 --> 00:04:53,319
you know, without all the espionage.
67
00:04:53,428 --> 00:04:56,659
Most importantly,
we've got spin control.
68
00:04:56,765 --> 00:04:58,596
That's where I come in.
69
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,065
I get paid to talk.
70
00:05:00,168 --> 00:05:01,726
I don't have an MD or law degree.
71
00:05:01,836 --> 00:05:02,734
(shutter clicking)
72
00:05:02,837 --> 00:05:04,065
(machine gun firing)
73
00:05:04,172 --> 00:05:07,335
I have a bachelor's in
kicking ass and taking names.
74
00:05:07,442 --> 00:05:09,876
You know that guy
who can pick up any girl?
75
00:05:09,978 --> 00:05:11,036
I'm him
76
00:05:11,146 --> 00:05:12,238
on crack.
77
00:05:12,347 --> 00:05:15,441
(cheers, applause)
78
00:05:15,550 --> 00:05:17,541
This is obviously a heated issue
79
00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:20,348
and we do have a lot
that we want to cover today.
80
00:05:21,289 --> 00:05:22,551
Nick, do you have a question?
81
00:05:22,657 --> 00:05:23,749
Joan,
82
00:05:23,858 --> 00:05:27,658
how on earth would
Big Tobacco profit
83
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:30,196
off of the loss of this young man?
84
00:05:30,298 --> 00:05:32,493
Now, I hate to think
in such callous terms,
85
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,694
but, if anything,
we'd be losing a customer.
86
00:05:35,804 --> 00:05:38,898
It's not only our hope,
it's in our best interest
87
00:05:39,007 --> 00:05:41,237
to keep Robin alive and smoking.
88
00:05:41,343 --> 00:05:43,004
- That's ludicrous.
- Let me tell you something,
89
00:05:43,111 --> 00:05:44,942
Joan, and please,
let me share something
90
00:05:45,046 --> 00:05:48,675
with the fine, concerned
people in the audience today.
91
00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:52,344
The Ron Goodes of this world...
92
00:05:52,454 --> 00:05:55,014
want the Robin Willigers to die.
93
00:05:55,123 --> 00:05:56,215
- What?
- NAYLOR: You know why?
94
00:05:56,324 --> 00:05:57,916
So that their budgets will go up.
95
00:05:58,026 --> 00:06:00,893
This is nothing less than
trafficking in human misery,
96
00:06:00,995 --> 00:06:02,758
and you, sir, ought
to be ashamed of yourself.
97
00:06:02,864 --> 00:06:04,354
I ought to be ashamed of myself?
98
00:06:04,466 --> 00:06:07,594
As a matter of fact,
we're about to launch...
99
00:06:07,702 --> 00:06:10,694
a $50 million campaign
100
00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:14,969
aimed at persuading kids
not to smoke.
101
00:06:15,076 --> 00:06:17,237
Because I think
that we can all agree
102
00:06:17,345 --> 00:06:19,472
that there is nothing
more important
103
00:06:19,581 --> 00:06:20,912
than America's children.
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00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:22,380
LUNDEN: All right, now,
that's something that
105
00:06:22,484 --> 00:06:24,247
we're going to want
to know more about.
106
00:06:24,352 --> 00:06:25,512
but I have to take a short break.
107
00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:27,713
Hang on, a lot more coming.
108
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,586
(applause)
109
00:06:30,692 --> 00:06:33,627
$50 million?! Are you
out of your fucking mind?!
110
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:34,626
Everyone has a boss.
111
00:06:34,729 --> 00:06:35,627
BR just happens
112
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:37,254
to be mine.
113
00:06:37,365 --> 00:06:39,230
He came from the vending
machine world.
114
00:06:39,334 --> 00:06:40,995
This made him tough.
115
00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:45,567
The name BR came
from his tour in Vietnam.
116
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:48,767
The people who know
its meaning are all dead.
117
00:06:48,877 --> 00:06:50,310
The deal was five million!
118
00:06:50,412 --> 00:06:53,176
$5 million will get you
a couple of subway posters.
119
00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:54,213
It's not going to impress anyone.
120
00:06:54,315 --> 00:06:55,475
That's the idea, Nick.
121
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:56,515
You'll be thanking me soon.
122
00:06:56,618 --> 00:06:57,778
This'll probably get you great press.
123
00:06:57,886 --> 00:07:00,252
I gotta call the captain
and see if this is gonna fly.
124
00:07:00,355 --> 00:07:02,448
Get your ass back to D.C.
125
00:07:10,565 --> 00:07:13,625
(applause nearby)
126
00:07:13,735 --> 00:07:14,895
(door opening)
127
00:07:16,271 --> 00:07:18,239
Thank you so much for coming.
128
00:07:20,074 --> 00:07:20,972
Mr. Naylor?
129
00:07:21,075 --> 00:07:22,064
It's your turn.
130
00:07:22,177 --> 00:07:24,509
Ah.
131
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:26,671
Joey is such a bright young man.
132
00:07:26,781 --> 00:07:27,748
We all look forward
133
00:07:27,849 --> 00:07:29,612
to his coming out
of his shell a little.
134
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:30,945
He's a bit shy.
135
00:07:31,052 --> 00:07:32,849
Yeah, he gets that from his mother.
136
00:07:41,996 --> 00:07:44,760
(whisper): Hey, Joey.
137
00:07:44,866 --> 00:07:47,232
Please don't ruin my childhood.
138
00:07:47,335 --> 00:07:49,394
Come on, Joey. Trust me.
139
00:07:57,312 --> 00:08:00,372
How many of you want to be
lawyers when you grow up?
140
00:08:00,482 --> 00:08:01,471
Right.
141
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:03,073
How about...
142
00:08:03,184 --> 00:08:04,913
movie stars?
143
00:08:05,019 --> 00:08:06,247
(laughing)
144
00:08:06,354 --> 00:08:07,480
How about lobbyists?
145
00:08:07,589 --> 00:08:08,521
What's that?
146
00:08:08,623 --> 00:08:10,557
It's kind of like being a movie star.
147
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,421
It's what I do.
I talk for a living.
148
00:08:12,527 --> 00:08:13,687
What do you talk about?
149
00:08:13,795 --> 00:08:15,854
I speak on behalf of cigarettes.
150
00:08:15,964 --> 00:08:17,192
My mom used to smoke.
151
00:08:17,298 --> 00:08:19,926
She says that cigarettes kill.
152
00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:22,434
Really? Now, is your mommy a doctor?
153
00:08:22,537 --> 00:08:23,435
No.
154
00:08:23,538 --> 00:08:25,267
A scientific researcher of some kind?
155
00:08:25,373 --> 00:08:26,601
No.
156
00:08:26,708 --> 00:08:27,640
Well, she doesn't exactly sound
157
00:08:27,742 --> 00:08:29,141
like a credible expert,
now, does she?
158
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,576
Don't feel bad.
159
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,579
It's okay to listen to your mom.
160
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:36,047
I mean, it's good to listen
to your parents... Joey.
161
00:08:36,150 --> 00:08:38,448
All I'm suggesting
162
00:08:38,553 --> 00:08:40,953
is that there will always
be people trying to tell you
163
00:08:41,055 --> 00:08:43,216
what to do and what to think.
164
00:08:43,324 --> 00:08:44,689
There probably already are
people doing that.
165
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:45,690
Am I right?
166
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:46,725
KIDS: Yes.
167
00:08:46,828 --> 00:08:48,591
I'm here to say
168
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:52,132
that when someone tries to act
like some sort of an expert,
169
00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:55,725
you can respond, "Who says?"
170
00:08:55,837 --> 00:08:57,532
So, cigarettes are good for you?
171
00:08:57,639 --> 00:08:59,539
- No!
- No, that's not...
172
00:08:59,641 --> 00:09:00,801
That's not what I'm getting at.
173
00:09:00,909 --> 00:09:03,241
My point is that you have
to think for yourself.
174
00:09:03,344 --> 00:09:05,073
You have to challenge authority.
175
00:09:05,179 --> 00:09:07,443
If your parents told you
that chocolate was dangerous,
176
00:09:07,549 --> 00:09:09,073
would you just take their word for it?
177
00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:10,275
KIDS: No.
178
00:09:10,385 --> 00:09:11,374
Exactly.
179
00:09:11,486 --> 00:09:13,317
So perhaps instead of acting
like sheep
180
00:09:13,421 --> 00:09:14,388
when it comes to cigarettes,
181
00:09:14,489 --> 00:09:15,922
you should find out for yourself.
182
00:09:16,024 --> 00:09:17,150
Okay, then.
183
00:09:17,258 --> 00:09:19,624
Thank you, Mr. Naylor,
for joining us.
184
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:20,955
(light applause)
185
00:09:29,103 --> 00:09:31,663
NICK:
Every week we meet here at Bert's.
186
00:09:31,773 --> 00:09:33,764
Together, we represent
the chief spokespeople
187
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:36,844
for the tobacco, alcohol and
firearms industries.
188
00:09:36,945 --> 00:09:38,071
We call ourselves the MOD Squad.
189
00:09:38,179 --> 00:09:39,077
All right.
190
00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:41,842
M-O-D, Merchants of Death.
191
00:09:41,950 --> 00:09:43,110
So, my day's ruined.
192
00:09:43,217 --> 00:09:44,115
Why?
193
00:09:44,218 --> 00:09:45,446
Dateline's doing a segment
194
00:09:45,553 --> 00:09:47,145
on fetal alcohol syndrome.
Thank you.
195
00:09:47,255 --> 00:09:49,189
Polly works
for the Moderation Council.
196
00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:51,588
A casual drinker
by the age of 14,
197
00:09:51,693 --> 00:09:52,955
Polly quickly developed
198
00:09:53,061 --> 00:09:56,462
a tolerance usually reserved
for Irish dockworkers.
199
00:09:56,564 --> 00:09:58,395
In our world, she's the woman
200
00:09:58,499 --> 00:10:00,660
that got the pope
to endorse red wine.
201
00:10:03,638 --> 00:10:04,570
We're gonna get creamed.
202
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:05,934
Any ideas?
203
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,337
I don't know.
204
00:10:07,442 --> 00:10:09,774
Deformed kids are tough.
205
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:12,141
I'm lucky my product only makes
them bald before it kills them.
206
00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:14,146
You could hug the kids.
207
00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:16,216
They're not going
to let me hug the kids.
208
00:10:16,317 --> 00:10:17,875
Who's doing the segment,
Donaldson or Sawyer?
209
00:10:17,986 --> 00:10:18,884
Sawyer, probably.
210
00:10:18,987 --> 00:10:19,885
You're fucked.
211
00:10:19,988 --> 00:10:20,886
Why?
212
00:10:20,989 --> 00:10:22,115
Cause she's gonna hug them.
213
00:10:22,223 --> 00:10:24,418
Look, if you see her going in
for a hug,
214
00:10:24,525 --> 00:10:27,358
maybe just box her out,
get in there before she does.
215
00:10:27,462 --> 00:10:29,054
NICK:
BobbyJay works for SAFETY,
216
00:10:29,163 --> 00:10:31,393
- (ricochet)
- the Society for the Advancement of Firearms
217
00:10:31,499 --> 00:10:33,296
and Effective Training for Youth.
218
00:10:33,401 --> 00:10:35,699
You want me to smile?
219
00:10:37,472 --> 00:10:39,872
After watching the footage
of the Kent State shootings,
220
00:10:39,974 --> 00:10:42,807
BobbyJay, then 17, signed up
for the National Guard
221
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:45,003
so he, too, could shoot
college students.
222
00:10:45,113 --> 00:10:47,581
But the National Guard
recruiter was out to lunch,
223
00:10:47,682 --> 00:10:50,845
so BobbyJay ended up
shooting Panamanians instead,
224
00:10:50,952 --> 00:10:52,613
which was almost as good
as college students.
225
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:53,744
(gunshot)
226
00:10:53,855 --> 00:10:55,652
Only they shoot back.
227
00:10:55,757 --> 00:10:57,418
You know, you can beat
a Breathalyzer
228
00:10:57,525 --> 00:11:00,517
- by sucking on activated charcoal tablets?
- Really?
229
00:11:00,628 --> 00:11:02,186
Maybe we should change
our campaign to
230
00:11:02,296 --> 00:11:04,264
"If You Must Drink and Drive,
Suck Charcoal."
231
00:11:04,365 --> 00:11:05,423
Yeah, but don't the police wonder
232
00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:06,431
why you're sucking on charcoal?
233
00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:08,331
There's no law against charcoal.
234
00:11:08,436 --> 00:11:09,926
- Yet.
- Yet.
235
00:11:14,809 --> 00:11:17,801
Dad, why is the American
government the best government?
236
00:11:17,912 --> 00:11:19,436
Because of our
endless appeals system.
237
00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:25,075
Joe, you're not writing down
what I just said are you?
238
00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:26,346
Mm-hmm.
239
00:11:26,454 --> 00:11:28,445
Joey, stop for a second.
240
00:11:28,556 --> 00:11:30,046
What is the subject of your essay?
241
00:11:30,158 --> 00:11:32,956
Why is American government
the best government in the world.
242
00:11:33,061 --> 00:11:34,688
Your teacher crafted that question?
243
00:11:34,796 --> 00:11:36,559
Yeah. Why?
244
00:11:36,664 --> 00:11:39,462
Well... I'll look past
the obvious problems
245
00:11:39,567 --> 00:11:40,864
in syntax for a moment,
246
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,061
and I'll focus more on the core
of the question.
247
00:11:43,171 --> 00:11:44,365
I mean, "A,"
248
00:11:44,472 --> 00:11:47,100
does America have
the best government in the world?
249
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,869
And "B," what constitutes
a "best government"?
250
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,410
Is it crime, is it poverty, literacy?
251
00:11:51,512 --> 00:11:52,945
Hmm?
252
00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:53,979
And America- definitely not best.
253
00:11:54,082 --> 00:11:55,276
Perhaps not even better than most.
254
00:11:55,383 --> 00:11:56,748
We do have a very
entertaining government...
255
00:11:56,851 --> 00:11:58,148
Dad.
256
00:11:58,252 --> 00:12:00,083
I'm sorry.
257
00:12:01,389 --> 00:12:03,823
Are you familiar with the term "B.S."?
258
00:12:03,925 --> 00:12:05,483
Bullshit.
259
00:12:05,593 --> 00:12:06,855
Yes, exactly.
260
00:12:06,961 --> 00:12:09,862
B.S., if I may, is what
questions like the one
261
00:12:09,964 --> 00:12:11,864
your teacher posed are made for.
262
00:12:11,966 --> 00:12:13,900
Because even if America
had the best government,
263
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,525
there'd be no way to prove it.
264
00:12:15,636 --> 00:12:16,967
And how many pages are you writing?
265
00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:17,969
Two pages.
266
00:12:18,072 --> 00:12:19,664
Two pages...
267
00:12:19,774 --> 00:12:21,332
Definitely not in two pages.
268
00:12:21,442 --> 00:12:23,603
So what am I supposed to write?
269
00:12:23,711 --> 00:12:25,406
You can write whatever you want.
270
00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:26,912
Okay.
271
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,003
Write about...
272
00:12:28,116 --> 00:12:30,516
write about America's
amazing ability
273
00:12:30,618 --> 00:12:33,610
to make profit by breaking down
trading tariffs
274
00:12:33,721 --> 00:12:36,087
and bringing American jobs
to Third World countries.
275
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:38,124
Or how good we are
at executing felons.
276
00:12:38,226 --> 00:12:39,853
They're all correct answers.
277
00:12:39,961 --> 00:12:41,929
I can do that?
278
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,553
See, Joey, that's the beauty
of argument.
279
00:12:43,664 --> 00:12:46,064
'Cause if you argue correctly,
you're never wrong.
280
00:12:53,775 --> 00:12:56,676
Dad, if I finish
this essay within an hour,
281
00:12:56,778 --> 00:12:58,541
can we stay up all night?
282
00:12:58,646 --> 00:13:03,310
That's a negotiation,
not an argument.
283
00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:06,147
(over TV):
Well, Conway, see you made it.
284
00:13:06,254 --> 00:13:08,279
Yeah, I guess that little
voice was wrong.
285
00:13:08,389 --> 00:13:09,481
I feel better.
286
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:10,750
I feel a lot better, too.
287
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:13,418
As a matter of fact, I never
felt so good in my life.
288
00:13:13,528 --> 00:13:15,120
How about a cigarette?
289
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,696
(gunshot)
290
00:13:16,798 --> 00:13:18,663
(dramatic music playing)
291
00:13:21,903 --> 00:13:24,531
(gunfire)
292
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,071
MAN 1: Is he...?
293
00:13:33,181 --> 00:13:34,273
MAN 2: Yeah.
294
00:13:36,384 --> 00:13:39,820
Hey.
295
00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:43,357
Nick, you still own a watch, don't you?
296
00:13:43,457 --> 00:13:44,651
Jill, I can't help feeling
297
00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:46,283
Joey's getting the wrong idea
about his dad.
298
00:13:46,394 --> 00:13:47,918
It would be great if I could spend
299
00:13:48,029 --> 00:13:49,553
a little more time with him,
you know?
300
00:13:49,664 --> 00:13:53,156
To give him a fair
and balanced perspective.
301
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:55,132
Nick, you had plenty
of time for that.
302
00:13:55,236 --> 00:13:56,703
Now you're his weekend guardian.
303
00:13:56,804 --> 00:13:58,829
Besides, he has Brad.
304
00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:00,032
He still needs his father.
305
00:14:00,141 --> 00:14:02,336
Nick.
306
00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:03,535
You have a second?
307
00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:06,577
Sure, Brad.
308
00:14:06,681 --> 00:14:10,447
Nick, your job
and everything aside,
309
00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:12,485
I hope you understand
that secondhand smoke's
310
00:14:12,587 --> 00:14:14,282
a real killer.
311
00:14:14,388 --> 00:14:16,253
What are you talking about?
312
00:14:16,357 --> 00:14:17,984
I just hope you're providing
313
00:14:18,092 --> 00:14:20,652
a smoke-free environment
for Joey, that's all I'm saying.
314
00:14:20,761 --> 00:14:22,956
Brad, I'm his father.
315
00:14:23,064 --> 00:14:25,396
You're the guy fucking his mom.
316
00:14:27,802 --> 00:14:30,100
That was unnecessary.
317
00:14:30,271 --> 00:14:33,707
Thank you all.
Thank you all for coming.
318
00:14:33,808 --> 00:14:36,276
Tobacco is winning the war.
319
00:14:36,377 --> 00:14:39,574
The war against our children.
320
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,979
They like to use cartoons
and symbols to hook our kids.
321
00:14:43,084 --> 00:14:45,951
Well, now we have
a symbol of our own.
322
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,248
Doctor.
323
00:14:48,356 --> 00:14:51,120
It is my hope that
within the year
324
00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:52,920
every cigarette package
325
00:14:53,027 --> 00:14:56,053
sold in America
will carry this symbol.
326
00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:58,393
Perhaps then, cigarettes
will finally be labeled
327
00:14:58,499 --> 00:15:01,593
appropriately as poison.
328
00:15:01,702 --> 00:15:03,567
I will be holding
a congressional hearing
329
00:15:03,671 --> 00:15:06,401
to discuss the inclusion
of the skull and crossbones
330
00:15:06,507 --> 00:15:07,974
in the next two weeks.
331
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,474
As usual, I extend
an open invitation
332
00:15:09,577 --> 00:15:12,068
to big tobacco.
333
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:16,172
Perhaps this time they will
grace us with their presence.
334
00:15:16,284 --> 00:15:17,581
And their answers.
335
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:19,084
Thank you very much.
336
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:21,313
(reporters clamoring)
337
00:15:23,791 --> 00:15:27,227
People, what is going on out there?
338
00:15:27,328 --> 00:15:30,957
I look down this table,
all I see are white flags.
339
00:15:31,065 --> 00:15:33,693
Our numbers are down
all across the board.
340
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:35,666
Teen smoking-
our bread and butter,
341
00:15:35,770 --> 00:15:37,499
is falling like a shit from heaven.
342
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,301
We don't sell Tic Tacs,
for Christ's sake.
343
00:15:41,409 --> 00:15:43,070
We sell cigarettes.
344
00:15:43,177 --> 00:15:47,113
And they're cool and available
and addictive.
345
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,841
The job is almost done for us.
346
00:15:50,618 --> 00:15:55,521
This environmentalist
is challenging us.
347
00:15:55,623 --> 00:15:58,183
We have to have an answer.
348
00:15:58,292 --> 00:15:59,987
I'm asking you,
349
00:16:00,094 --> 00:16:01,925
when this cocksucker puts
Captain Hook on our products,
350
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,553
what the fuck are we going to do?
351
00:16:03,664 --> 00:16:06,224
- BR.
- Yeah, Nick.
352
00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:07,528
If I may.
353
00:16:07,635 --> 00:16:10,069
In 1910,
354
00:16:10,171 --> 00:16:12,662
the U.S. was producing
ten billion cigarettes a year.
355
00:16:12,773 --> 00:16:13,899
By 1930,
356
00:16:14,008 --> 00:16:15,976
we were up to 123 billion.
357
00:16:16,077 --> 00:16:18,045
What happened in between?
358
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:19,806
Three things.
359
00:16:19,914 --> 00:16:20,881
A world war,
360
00:16:20,982 --> 00:16:24,850
dieting... and movies.
361
00:16:24,952 --> 00:16:26,180
Movies?
362
00:16:26,287 --> 00:16:29,313
1927-talking pictures are born.
363
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:31,653
Suddenly, directors need to give
their actors
364
00:16:31,759 --> 00:16:33,693
something to do
while they're talking.
365
00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:36,490
Cary Grant, Carole Lombard
are lighting up.
366
00:16:36,597 --> 00:16:38,064
Bette Davis- a chimney.
367
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,462
And Bogart-
remember the first picture
368
00:16:39,567 --> 00:16:40,625
with him and Lauren Bacall?
369
00:16:40,735 --> 00:16:43,203
Well, yea... not specifically.
370
00:16:43,304 --> 00:16:44,566
Oh, she sort
371
00:16:44,672 --> 00:16:46,765
of shimmies in
through the doorway,
372
00:16:46,874 --> 00:16:48,967
19 years old.
373
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,543
Pure sex.
374
00:16:50,644 --> 00:16:51,542
She says,
375
00:16:51,645 --> 00:16:53,875
"Anyone got a match?"
376
00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:55,676
And Bogie throws
the matches at her...
377
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,084
and she catches them.
378
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,747
Greatest romance of the century.
379
00:17:02,857 --> 00:17:05,018
How'd it start?
Lighting a cigarette.
380
00:17:05,126 --> 00:17:07,594
These days when someone
smokes in the movies,
381
00:17:07,695 --> 00:17:10,926
they're either a psychopath
or a European.
382
00:17:11,032 --> 00:17:12,932
The message Hollywood
needs to send out
383
00:17:13,034 --> 00:17:15,002
is smoking is cool.
384
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,400
We need the cast of Will and Grace
385
00:17:17,505 --> 00:17:18,870
smoking in their living room.
386
00:17:18,973 --> 00:17:21,203
Forrest Gump puffing away
between his box of chocolates.
387
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:24,709
Hugh Grant earning back
the love of Julia Roberts
388
00:17:24,812 --> 00:17:29,112
by buying her favorite brand-
her Virginia Slims.
389
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:32,743
Most of the actors smoke already.
390
00:17:32,853 --> 00:17:35,083
If they start doing it on-screen,
391
00:17:35,189 --> 00:17:37,885
we can put the sex
back into cigarettes.
392
00:17:37,992 --> 00:17:40,552
Well, it's a thought.
393
00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,458
I was hoping for something
a little more inspiring,
394
00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:43,587
but at least you're thinking.
395
00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:45,062
Rest of you people,
slam your fucking brains
396
00:17:45,166 --> 00:17:46,064
against your desks
397
00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:48,761
until something useful comes out.
398
00:17:48,869 --> 00:17:50,769
That was awesome.
399
00:17:50,871 --> 00:17:51,895
Thank you.
400
00:17:52,006 --> 00:17:53,997
Nick, you've been summoned.
401
00:17:54,108 --> 00:17:55,097
Captain wants to see you.
402
00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:56,540
He saw the Joan show.
403
00:17:56,644 --> 00:17:57,736
What'd he think?
404
00:17:57,845 --> 00:17:59,642
Get your ass on the next flight
to Winston-Salem.
405
00:18:03,184 --> 00:18:05,118
Most people have this image
in their heads
406
00:18:05,219 --> 00:18:07,312
of tobacco executives
jet-setting around the world
407
00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,616
on private planes,
eating foie gras
408
00:18:09,723 --> 00:18:11,088
as they count their money.
409
00:18:11,192 --> 00:18:13,319
Not me.
410
00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:15,725
I like to ride with the people.
411
00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:17,354
Know your clients.
412
00:18:17,465 --> 00:18:19,660
My people cram themselves
into a tiny seat,
413
00:18:19,767 --> 00:18:21,632
pop a Xanax and dream
of the moment
414
00:18:21,735 --> 00:18:24,670
they can stuff their face
with fresh tobacco.
415
00:18:24,772 --> 00:18:27,536
If I can convince just one of
these kids to pick up smoking,
416
00:18:27,641 --> 00:18:29,905
I've paid for my flight-round-trip.
417
00:18:38,352 --> 00:18:42,152
The Captain is the last great
man of tobacco.
418
00:18:42,256 --> 00:18:43,985
He introduced filters
419
00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:47,549
when cigarettes first got
slammed by Reader's Digest.
420
00:18:47,661 --> 00:18:52,030
Later, he founded
the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
421
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:55,000
The club was founded
by the tobacco barons in 1890
422
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:58,538
so they'd have a place
to get away from their wives.
423
00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:04,502
Here, the Captain is a legend-
424
00:19:04,612 --> 00:19:06,944
a self-made man who started
from nothing,
425
00:19:07,047 --> 00:19:09,845
and ended up with everything...
426
00:19:09,950 --> 00:19:13,147
except, evidently, a son.
427
00:19:13,254 --> 00:19:15,484
Nick, my boy.
428
00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:18,683
You're just in time for mud.
429
00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:20,384
Thank you.
430
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,189
Sit down there. Yeah.
431
00:19:24,532 --> 00:19:26,727
Yeah.
432
00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:28,825
You know the secret
to a really good julep?
433
00:19:28,936 --> 00:19:30,631
No, sir.
434
00:19:30,738 --> 00:19:33,104
Well, you crush the mint
435
00:19:33,207 --> 00:19:36,301
down onto the ice with your thumb
436
00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:38,844
and you grind it in, see?
437
00:19:38,946 --> 00:19:41,574
And it releases the menthol.
438
00:19:43,184 --> 00:19:44,173
Hmm.
439
00:19:44,285 --> 00:19:45,684
Now you know who taught me that?
440
00:19:45,786 --> 00:19:46,718
No, sir. Who?
441
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,617
Fidel Castro.
442
00:19:53,093 --> 00:19:55,186
Do you remember 1952?
443
00:19:55,296 --> 00:19:58,527
Well, sir, I wasn't alive in 1952.
444
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:03,365
Good Lord, I was in Korea
shooting Chinese in 1952.
445
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,631
Really?
446
00:20:05,739 --> 00:20:08,003
Today they're our best customer.
447
00:20:08,108 --> 00:20:10,736
Next time we won't have to shoot
so many of them, will we?
448
00:20:10,844 --> 00:20:12,573
- (chuckles)
- No, sir.
449
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,673
1952 was the year
Reader's Digest
450
00:20:16,784 --> 00:20:19,651
nailed us with
the whole health aspect.
451
00:20:19,753 --> 00:20:22,244
As Churchill said,
452
00:20:22,356 --> 00:20:24,620
that was perhaps the end
of our beginning.
453
00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:28,058
Tell me,
454
00:20:28,162 --> 00:20:30,096
do you enjoy your current work, Nick?
455
00:20:30,197 --> 00:20:31,164
Yes, sir.
456
00:20:31,265 --> 00:20:32,698
It's challenging...
457
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,395
If you can do tobacco,
you can do anything.
458
00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:39,336
Yes, sir, I like that.
459
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,840
You know, Nick, you remind me
460
00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:44,172
just a little bit
of myself when I was your age.
461
00:20:44,278 --> 00:20:46,906
Well, thank you, sir.
462
00:20:47,014 --> 00:20:48,845
Like that Joan Lunden show you did.
463
00:20:48,949 --> 00:20:51,213
You could have given up,
cried, apologized,
464
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:52,307
but you didn't.
465
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,353
You stayed loyal.
466
00:20:54,455 --> 00:20:59,324
And you gave it
to that son of a bitch good.
467
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:01,986
- (chuckles)
- My pleasure.
468
00:21:05,132 --> 00:21:08,295
Now, BR's come under the idea
469
00:21:08,402 --> 00:21:11,166
that we should start bribing
producers in Hollywood
470
00:21:11,272 --> 00:21:14,935
to make the actors smoke on screen.
471
00:21:15,042 --> 00:21:18,034
You know, like in the old days.
472
00:21:18,145 --> 00:21:20,409
Say, that's, uh...
473
00:21:20,514 --> 00:21:22,778
that's a great idea.
474
00:21:22,883 --> 00:21:24,316
Mm-hmm.
475
00:21:24,418 --> 00:21:25,942
Smart man, that BR.
476
00:21:26,053 --> 00:21:27,577
Oh, yeah, yeah.
477
00:21:27,688 --> 00:21:29,212
And loyal.
478
00:21:48,842 --> 00:21:49,774
Yes, sir?
479
00:21:49,877 --> 00:21:51,742
Have a seat, Ron.
480
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:06,892
You, see, Ron, I can't be
everywhere I'm needed.
481
00:22:06,994 --> 00:22:08,894
That's why I send
people like you
482
00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:10,327
to speak on my behalf.
483
00:22:10,431 --> 00:22:14,094
When you're there,
you're not Ron Goode,
484
00:22:14,201 --> 00:22:16,169
the guy your friends probably like,
485
00:22:16,270 --> 00:22:18,830
you're Senator Finistirre's aide,
486
00:22:18,939 --> 00:22:22,204
and your name really doesn't matter.
487
00:22:22,309 --> 00:22:24,209
So, when
488
00:22:24,311 --> 00:22:27,007
Ron Goode acts
like a complete asshole
489
00:22:27,114 --> 00:22:29,810
on the Joan Lunden Show,
490
00:22:29,917 --> 00:22:33,011
I am being an asshole
on the Joan Lunden Show.
491
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,781
Senator, sir, he sprang on me like...
492
00:22:34,888 --> 00:22:38,085
Where in the hell
did you find cancer boy?
493
00:22:38,192 --> 00:22:40,626
He was supposed to be quite reliable.
494
00:22:40,728 --> 00:22:43,561
The Pulmonary Council
was one of his references.
495
00:22:43,664 --> 00:22:45,359
Fucking nonprofits.
496
00:22:49,103 --> 00:22:51,833
When you're looking
for a cancer kid,
497
00:22:51,939 --> 00:22:53,236
he should be hopeless.
498
00:22:53,340 --> 00:22:54,898
He should have a wheelchair.
499
00:22:55,008 --> 00:22:57,169
He should have trouble talking.
500
00:22:57,277 --> 00:23:00,007
He should have
a little pet goldfish
501
00:23:00,114 --> 00:23:01,706
he carries around
in a ziplock bag-
502
00:23:01,815 --> 00:23:02,873
hopeless.
503
00:23:02,983 --> 00:23:05,247
I apologize, sir, but if it wasn't
504
00:23:05,352 --> 00:23:06,683
- for Nick Naylor...
- Nick Naylor?
505
00:23:08,589 --> 00:23:12,958
Don't you even think
of using him as an excuse.
506
00:23:13,060 --> 00:23:15,051
The man shills bullshit for a living.
507
00:23:15,162 --> 00:23:17,130
You work for a fucking senator.
508
00:23:17,231 --> 00:23:19,495
A senator who is supposed
to be tough on tobacco.
509
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,467
Have a little... pride,
for God's sake.
510
00:23:22,569 --> 00:23:26,801
It won't happen again, sir,
I promise.
511
00:23:29,443 --> 00:23:32,970
All right, you're excused.
512
00:23:38,852 --> 00:23:40,183
Sometimes I feel like
513
00:23:40,287 --> 00:23:42,983
a Colombian drug dealer.
514
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:44,682
(chuckles)
515
00:23:44,792 --> 00:23:49,354
The other day, my own granddaughter,
flesh of flesh of my own loins,
516
00:23:49,463 --> 00:23:52,830
asked me, "Granddaddy, is it true
517
00:23:52,933 --> 00:23:55,800
cigarettes are bad for you?"
518
00:23:58,205 --> 00:24:00,765
We got to do something, Nick.
519
00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:02,136
I think you're our man.
520
00:24:02,242 --> 00:24:03,971
Thank you, sir.
521
00:24:04,077 --> 00:24:06,341
I want you to work
on this Hollywood project.
522
00:24:06,447 --> 00:24:08,938
Get out there the next
few weeks, stir things up
523
00:24:09,049 --> 00:24:12,985
and report directly to me.
524
00:24:13,086 --> 00:24:14,144
Sir, about the,
525
00:24:14,254 --> 00:24:17,314
the $50 million.
526
00:24:17,424 --> 00:24:20,325
Anti teen-smoking advertising.
527
00:24:20,427 --> 00:24:23,919
Well, shit, I sure hope
it's not too persuasive.
528
00:24:24,031 --> 00:24:25,498
(laughs)
529
00:24:25,599 --> 00:24:26,725
I hope.
530
00:24:26,834 --> 00:24:28,028
(laughs)
531
00:24:38,245 --> 00:24:39,177
Nick,
532
00:24:39,279 --> 00:24:41,144
you're family now.
533
00:24:41,248 --> 00:24:43,876
Tobacco takes care of its own, eh?
534
00:24:43,984 --> 00:24:45,918
Thank you, sir.
535
00:24:58,832 --> 00:24:59,764
Mr. Naylor?
536
00:24:59,867 --> 00:25:00,856
Hi.
537
00:25:00,968 --> 00:25:02,401
Hi. Welcome to Tobacco One.
538
00:25:02,503 --> 00:25:03,765
Thank you.
539
00:25:03,871 --> 00:25:06,499
The captain told me to take
extra special care of you today.
540
00:25:06,607 --> 00:25:09,041
So if there is anything
at all I can do
541
00:25:09,142 --> 00:25:10,404
to make your flight
more pleasant,
542
00:25:10,511 --> 00:25:13,776
you be sure and let me know now.
543
00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:27,051
BR.
544
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:28,058
Pleasant flight?
545
00:25:28,161 --> 00:25:30,254
Oh! You could say that.
546
00:25:30,364 --> 00:25:32,127
Came up on the Captain's plane.
547
00:25:32,232 --> 00:25:34,132
Oh, it's quite the way to travel.
548
00:25:34,234 --> 00:25:36,099
I wouldn't know.
549
00:25:36,203 --> 00:25:37,465
No? You never been on Tobacco One
550
00:25:37,571 --> 00:25:40,802
with those seats, that kitchen,
551
00:25:40,908 --> 00:25:42,569
that stewardess, Tiffany?
552
00:25:42,676 --> 00:25:44,701
Haven't had the chance yet.
553
00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:46,108
Oh, well, you really must try it.
554
00:25:46,213 --> 00:25:48,272
It's the only way to travel.
555
00:25:48,382 --> 00:25:51,613
What'd he think of your $50 million
anti-smoking campaign?
556
00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:53,652
Oh, the $50 million
anti teen-smoking campaign?
557
00:25:53,754 --> 00:25:54,652
Yeah.
558
00:25:54,755 --> 00:25:55,915
Yeah, he gave that the go-ahead.
559
00:25:56,023 --> 00:25:57,183
Oh, and he loved your idea
560
00:25:57,291 --> 00:25:58,588
to put cigarettes back into movies.
561
00:25:58,692 --> 00:26:01,252
- That was your idea.
- Oh, yeah?
562
00:26:01,361 --> 00:26:03,488
- He must have gotten confused.
- Hmm.
563
00:26:03,597 --> 00:26:08,000
Yeah. Well, either way,
he was pretty blown away.
564
00:26:08,101 --> 00:26:10,763
Right. Well, get a flight to L.A.
565
00:26:10,871 --> 00:26:11,963
I'll get you a meeting
with Jeff Megall.
566
00:26:12,072 --> 00:26:13,096
Who?
567
00:26:13,206 --> 00:26:14,468
Hollywood super agent.
568
00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:18,238
Runs the agency EGO:
Entertainment Global Offices.
569
00:26:18,345 --> 00:26:19,903
This guy is the entertainment business.
570
00:26:20,013 --> 00:26:22,277
And you are cigarettes, BR.
571
00:26:22,382 --> 00:26:24,247
Whatever.
572
00:26:25,852 --> 00:26:27,979
Yeah, but it's not a vacation,
it's a learning experience.
573
00:26:28,088 --> 00:26:30,147
And California is one
of the fastest-growing
574
00:26:30,257 --> 00:26:31,451
states, it's got
575
00:26:31,558 --> 00:26:33,253
the largest number of electoral
votes in the country.
576
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:36,158
I mean, this could be
a very good trip for Joey.
577
00:26:36,263 --> 00:26:37,594
You know what?
Don't smooth-talk me.
578
00:26:37,698 --> 00:26:38,687
You're not going to
take him sightseeing.
579
00:26:38,799 --> 00:26:39,857
You're probably going
580
00:26:39,967 --> 00:26:41,958
to take him
to some lung cancer symposium
581
00:26:42,069 --> 00:26:44,003
where a guy with an electronic
voice box will tell him
582
00:26:44,104 --> 00:26:45,264
that his father is the devil.
583
00:26:45,372 --> 00:26:46,532
That's unfair.
584
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:47,937
Unfair? What about Virginia?
585
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:49,406
And what about Virginia?
586
00:26:49,509 --> 00:26:51,272
You took him to a cigarette factory.
587
00:26:51,378 --> 00:26:53,243
No, I took him to a tobacco farm.
588
00:26:53,347 --> 00:26:54,541
That's hardly the same thing.
589
00:26:54,648 --> 00:26:56,639
This conversation's over.
590
00:27:00,587 --> 00:27:02,612
(sighs): Oh, fuck.
591
00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:05,451
Last week we had another
disgruntled postman.
592
00:27:05,559 --> 00:27:06,548
Of course,
593
00:27:06,660 --> 00:27:07,820
an hour later the Washington Post
594
00:27:07,928 --> 00:27:10,726
is calling me on the phone-
godless swine.
595
00:27:10,831 --> 00:27:12,355
I said to 'em, I says,
596
00:27:12,466 --> 00:27:16,493
"Now if a plane crashes
on account of pilot error,
597
00:27:16,603 --> 00:27:17,968
do you blame the Boeing Corporation?"
598
00:27:18,071 --> 00:27:19,060
Nice.
599
00:27:19,172 --> 00:27:20,537
- That's a good one.
- Thank you.
600
00:27:20,641 --> 00:27:23,201
If some booze-besotten drunk
runs someone down,
601
00:27:23,310 --> 00:27:25,244
do you go banging on the doors
at General Motors?
602
00:27:25,345 --> 00:27:26,676
Tell me you didn't say that.
603
00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:28,145
Mm-hmm.
604
00:27:28,248 --> 00:27:30,239
Have either of you heard of a
reporter named Heather Holloway?
605
00:27:30,350 --> 00:27:33,513
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Irish type.
606
00:27:33,620 --> 00:27:34,985
Brown hair, big blue eyes.
607
00:27:35,088 --> 00:27:36,180
Nice skin.
608
00:27:36,289 --> 00:27:37,313
Amazing tits.
609
00:27:37,424 --> 00:27:40,188
Tits? Why are tits relevant?
610
00:27:40,293 --> 00:27:41,624
Hmm, let's see.
611
00:27:41,728 --> 00:27:44,492
World-class tits on a reporter
interviewing a man
612
00:27:44,598 --> 00:27:47,431
with privileged information
are relevant.
613
00:27:47,534 --> 00:27:49,525
How about it, Nick?
Are you a tit man?
614
00:27:49,636 --> 00:27:51,433
Don't answer that.
That's a trap.
615
00:27:51,538 --> 00:27:54,336
Depends whose tits.
616
00:27:54,441 --> 00:27:56,238
Look, just don't get screwed,
all right?
617
00:27:56,343 --> 00:27:59,312
Bobby, I think I can handle
a good-looking girl reporter.
618
00:27:59,413 --> 00:28:01,040
Thank you.
619
00:28:10,257 --> 00:28:11,281
Heather Holloway.
620
00:28:11,391 --> 00:28:13,120
Nick Naylor, big tobacco.
621
00:28:14,828 --> 00:28:17,023
Is this kosher?
622
00:28:17,130 --> 00:28:19,064
Only if I can call you "Heather."
623
00:28:19,166 --> 00:28:21,430
By all means.
624
00:28:24,037 --> 00:28:25,026
So, Mr. Naylor...
625
00:28:25,138 --> 00:28:27,231
- Nick.
- Nick.
626
00:28:27,340 --> 00:28:29,365
Let's start with...
627
00:28:29,476 --> 00:28:30,807
An '82 Margaux.
628
00:28:30,911 --> 00:28:32,936
Okay. Is it good?
629
00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:36,482
Good? It'll make you believe in God.
630
00:28:50,230 --> 00:28:52,721
So what is the focus of your piece?
631
00:28:52,833 --> 00:28:54,664
- You.
- Really?
632
00:28:54,768 --> 00:28:56,599
You want to know how I live
with myself.
633
00:28:56,703 --> 00:29:00,434
No. I don't imagine
that's much of a problem.
634
00:29:00,540 --> 00:29:02,770
I want to know how you see yourself.
635
00:29:02,876 --> 00:29:04,070
I'm...
636
00:29:04,177 --> 00:29:06,941
a mediator between two sects
of society
637
00:29:07,047 --> 00:29:08,742
that are trying
to reach an accommodation.
638
00:29:08,849 --> 00:29:10,714
Interesting.
639
00:29:10,817 --> 00:29:14,480
My other interviews have pinned
you as a mass murderer,
640
00:29:14,588 --> 00:29:17,648
bloodsucker, pimp,
profiteer, child killer,
641
00:29:17,758 --> 00:29:21,023
and my personal favorite
"yuppie Mephistopheles."
642
00:29:21,128 --> 00:29:24,256
Wow, that sounds
like a balanced article.
643
00:29:24,364 --> 00:29:26,423
Who else should I talk to?
644
00:29:26,533 --> 00:29:28,660
55 million American smokers,
for starters
645
00:29:28,769 --> 00:29:31,636
or perhaps
the American tobacco farmer
646
00:29:31,738 --> 00:29:33,865
who is constantly being treated
like a drug smuggler.
647
00:29:33,974 --> 00:29:35,373
I actually do plan on speaking
to a tobacco farmer.
648
00:29:35,475 --> 00:29:36,464
Good.
649
00:29:36,576 --> 00:29:38,635
They're fine people,
salt of the earth.
650
00:29:38,745 --> 00:29:41,145
Nick, why do you do this?
651
00:29:41,248 --> 00:29:42,909
What motivates you?
652
00:29:49,422 --> 00:29:51,515
You really want to know?
653
00:29:51,625 --> 00:29:52,785
Mm-hmm.
654
00:29:52,893 --> 00:29:53,917
Really?
655
00:29:54,027 --> 00:29:55,824
Mm-hmm.
656
00:29:55,929 --> 00:30:00,559
(whispers): Population control.
657
00:30:00,667 --> 00:30:02,931
(chuckles)
658
00:30:04,504 --> 00:30:05,596
You're bad.
659
00:30:08,041 --> 00:30:10,168
Everyone's got a mortgage to pay.
660
00:30:10,277 --> 00:30:12,507
NICK: The yuppie Nuremberg defense.
661
00:30:12,611 --> 00:30:16,138
So is a mortgage that much
of a life goal?
662
00:30:16,247 --> 00:30:20,547
Well, 99% of everything done
in the world, good or bad,
663
00:30:20,652 --> 00:30:23,177
is done to pay a mortgage,
so perhaps the world
664
00:30:23,288 --> 00:30:25,313
would be a better place
if everyone rented.
665
00:30:25,423 --> 00:30:27,516
Then why don't you rent?
666
00:30:27,626 --> 00:30:29,423
Mm. Well, I rent as well.
667
00:30:29,527 --> 00:30:30,994
- Really?
- Yeah.
668
00:30:31,096 --> 00:30:33,360
My son and his mother
and her boyfriend
669
00:30:33,465 --> 00:30:34,432
live in my house.
670
00:30:34,532 --> 00:30:35,658
I live in my apartment.
671
00:30:35,767 --> 00:30:39,259
What does Nick Naylor's
apartment look like?
672
00:30:39,371 --> 00:30:41,805
I don't know.
It's nothing impressive.
673
00:30:41,906 --> 00:30:43,271
It wouldn't make
the real estate section.
674
00:30:43,375 --> 00:30:44,273
(chuckles)
675
00:30:44,376 --> 00:30:46,139
Can I see it?
676
00:30:48,780 --> 00:30:50,509
You want to see my apartment?
677
00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:53,516
I'd like to see
where the devil sleeps.
678
00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:01,951
NICK: I know what
you're probably thinking.
679
00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,656
This is a bad idea, right?
680
00:31:09,401 --> 00:31:11,028
I mean, come on.
681
00:31:11,136 --> 00:31:12,228
It's not that bad of an idea.
682
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:16,600
(sizzling)
683
00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:19,108
(pots clattering)
684
00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:28,443
Mom, why can't I go
685
00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:30,612
to California?
686
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:34,158
Because California's
just not a... safe place.
687
00:31:34,259 --> 00:31:36,784
And besides,
I'm not sure it's appropriate
688
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:40,126
for your father to bring you
on a business trip.
689
00:31:40,231 --> 00:31:41,664
Appropriate for who?
690
00:31:41,766 --> 00:31:43,734
What?
691
00:31:43,835 --> 00:31:46,133
Mom, is it possible that
you're taking the frustration
692
00:31:46,237 --> 00:31:48,102
of your failed marriage out on me?
693
00:31:49,174 --> 00:31:51,642
Excuse me?
694
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:54,007
This California trip seems like
a great learning opportunity
695
00:31:54,112 --> 00:31:56,910
and a chance for me
to get to know my father.
696
00:31:57,015 --> 00:31:58,744
But if you think it's more important
697
00:31:58,850 --> 00:32:00,715
to use me to channel your frustration
698
00:32:00,819 --> 00:32:02,719
against the man you no longer love,
699
00:32:02,821 --> 00:32:04,482
I'll understand.
700
00:32:09,527 --> 00:32:11,461
How'd you convince her?
701
00:32:11,563 --> 00:32:13,758
It was an argument,
not a negotiation.
702
00:32:13,865 --> 00:32:15,492
That's my boy.
703
00:32:48,399 --> 00:32:51,368
(soft music playing)
704
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:03,474
Nick?
705
00:33:03,581 --> 00:33:05,708
Nick, Jack, Jeff's assistant. Hey.
706
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:08,081
How was your flight?
Are you jet-lagged at all?
707
00:33:08,186 --> 00:33:09,881
It's, like, 2:00 in D.C.
right now.
708
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,455
You know what?
Take some vitamin B.
709
00:33:11,556 --> 00:33:12,784
Jeff swears by it- in fact,
710
00:33:12,891 --> 00:33:14,552
I'm gonna hook you up
with an injection.
711
00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,058
Who's this with you?
How are you, dude? What's going on?
712
00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:17,253
You guys ever been to L.A. before?
713
00:33:17,362 --> 00:33:19,193
You want to head back
to Jeff’s office?
714
00:33:19,297 --> 00:33:21,663
In fact, we probably should-
He's a punctual being.
715
00:33:21,766 --> 00:33:24,599
We actually had some problems at first
with the exterior mirrored glass.
716
00:33:24,702 --> 00:33:27,262
The reflection of the sun was causing
head-on collisions on Wilshire.
717
00:33:27,372 --> 00:33:28,964
Oh, is everybody all right?
718
00:33:29,073 --> 00:33:31,234
Yeah, they got three-picture deals
at Paramount- I'm sure they'll live.
719
00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:32,570
- It's a nice building.
- Yeah?
720
00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:34,542
Hey, tell Jeff you think so, okay?
721
00:33:34,646 --> 00:33:37,171
'Cause he just put a lot
of himself into this building.
722
00:33:37,282 --> 00:33:40,718
And you know something?
It really shows.
723
00:33:40,819 --> 00:33:42,377
What's up, Hiroshi?
724
00:33:42,487 --> 00:33:46,253
Keep going- that sand's
not gonna rake itself.
725
00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:48,382
All right, come here,
this is my favorite part.
726
00:33:48,493 --> 00:33:51,724
That one right there?
It's $7,000.
727
00:33:51,830 --> 00:33:53,855
- $7,000 for a fish?
- (laughs): Yep.
728
00:33:53,965 --> 00:33:55,865
Kind of makes you want
to stop eating sushi,
729
00:33:55,967 --> 00:33:57,594
but I guess you kind of have to.
730
00:33:57,702 --> 00:33:59,533
Hey, you see that
big white one right there?
731
00:33:59,637 --> 00:34:02,401
Swear to you- $12,000,
gift from Oprah.
732
00:34:02,507 --> 00:34:06,307
It's a Chamberlain- office-warming gift
from Matthew McConaughey.
733
00:34:06,411 --> 00:34:07,776
Generous gift.
734
00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:09,904
(laughs): Yeah. Right!
735
00:34:10,014 --> 00:34:12,847
Don't get me wrong, Matthew is
a tremendously talented individual
736
00:34:12,951 --> 00:34:14,441
and an extremely decent human being,
737
00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:17,077
however, before Jeff
took him on, he was a face.
738
00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:18,416
Now he's a name.
739
00:34:18,523 --> 00:34:20,991
(elevator bell dings)
740
00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:24,961
Do you hear that?
741
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:29,530
No.
742
00:34:30,602 --> 00:34:32,832
Exactly.
743
00:34:32,937 --> 00:34:34,370
(bell dings)
744
00:34:41,713 --> 00:34:43,078
Hey, Neal.
745
00:34:43,181 --> 00:34:45,445
Neal, I'm gonna impale
your mom on a spike,
746
00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:48,212
and I'm gonna feed her dead body
to my dog with syphilis.
747
00:34:48,319 --> 00:34:50,082
(laughs): Aw, Jack, you got me!
748
00:34:50,188 --> 00:34:51,849
NEAL: That guy!
749
00:34:51,956 --> 00:34:54,652
It's an inside joke.
750
00:34:54,759 --> 00:34:57,023
(sighs):
So, as you can see,
751
00:34:57,128 --> 00:34:59,323
Jeff just really loves Asian shit.
752
00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:01,159
Uh, Candace, is he ready?
753
00:35:01,266 --> 00:35:02,927
- Mm-hmm.
- Fantastic.
754
00:35:03,034 --> 00:35:05,298
(quietly): Okay, Joey,
I'm gonna bring your dad in now.
755
00:35:05,403 --> 00:35:07,428
Is there anything I can get
you while you're waiting,
756
00:35:07,538 --> 00:35:09,733
like an orange juice
or a coffee or a Red Bull?
757
00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:12,241
- No, thanks.
- Okay.
758
00:35:14,746 --> 00:35:16,714
Wow, it's a great office.
759
00:35:16,814 --> 00:35:18,805
Yeah. Jeff basically designed
the whole thing.
760
00:35:18,917 --> 00:35:20,817
The architect just made the drawings.
761
00:35:20,919 --> 00:35:23,285
Jack, stop it.
762
00:35:23,388 --> 00:35:24,685
Next you're gonna be telling him
763
00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:26,279
what position I played
for the Bruins.
764
00:35:26,391 --> 00:35:27,289
(quietly): Quarterback.
765
00:35:27,392 --> 00:35:28,654
Jeff Megall.
766
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:29,988
Nick Naylor.
767
00:35:30,094 --> 00:35:32,324
Mr. Naylor's here to see
if we can't get cigarettes
768
00:35:32,430 --> 00:35:34,955
- into the hands of somebody
other than the usual RAVs.
- Sure.
769
00:35:35,066 --> 00:35:37,557
- RAVs?
- Russians, Arabs and Villains.
770
00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:39,398
Oh, well, then yes, I guess
that is why I'm here.
771
00:35:39,504 --> 00:35:41,699
Good. I think we can help.
772
00:35:41,806 --> 00:35:43,899
Jeff invented product placement.
773
00:35:44,008 --> 00:35:45,976
NICK: I feel I have to ask, uh...
774
00:35:46,077 --> 00:35:49,069
Are you concerned at
all about the, um...
775
00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:50,738
about the health element?
776
00:35:50,848 --> 00:35:53,715
I'm not a doctor, I'm a facilitator.
777
00:35:53,818 --> 00:35:55,080
I bring creative people together.
778
00:35:55,186 --> 00:35:57,381
Whatever information there is,
exists, it's out there.
779
00:35:57,488 --> 00:35:58,682
People will decide for themselves.
780
00:35:58,790 --> 00:36:01,224
They should. It's not
my role to decide for them.
781
00:36:01,326 --> 00:36:03,226
It'd be morally presumptuous.
782
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:05,888
NICK: I could learn a lot
from this man.
783
00:36:05,997 --> 00:36:08,363
Now, what we need is
a smoking role model,
784
00:36:08,466 --> 00:36:09,398
a real winner.
785
00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,195
Indiana Jones meets Jerry Maguire.
786
00:36:11,302 --> 00:36:12,360
Right, on two packs a day.
787
00:36:12,470 --> 00:36:14,495
Only he can't live
in contemporary society.
788
00:36:14,605 --> 00:36:15,503
Why not?
789
00:36:15,606 --> 00:36:17,597
The health issue's way too prevalent.
790
00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,643
People would constantly
be asking the character
791
00:36:19,744 --> 00:36:22,008
why he's smoking-
and that should go unsaid.
792
00:36:22,113 --> 00:36:24,047
How do you feel about the future?
793
00:36:24,148 --> 00:36:26,343
The future?
794
00:36:26,451 --> 00:36:28,180
Yeah, after the health thing's
blown over.
795
00:36:28,286 --> 00:36:29,617
A world
where smokers and nonsmokers
796
00:36:29,721 --> 00:36:31,120
live together in perfect harmony.
797
00:36:31,222 --> 00:36:33,588
Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie
they're looking to make.
798
00:36:33,691 --> 00:36:35,625
Message From Sector Six.
799
00:36:35,727 --> 00:36:37,752
All takes place in a space station.
800
00:36:37,862 --> 00:36:39,727
They're actively looking
for some cofinancing.
801
00:36:39,831 --> 00:36:41,298
So cigarettes in space?
802
00:36:41,399 --> 00:36:43,526
It's the final frontier, Nick.
803
00:36:43,634 --> 00:36:45,625
But wouldn't they blow up
in an all-oxygen environment?
804
00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,433
Probably.
805
00:36:48,539 --> 00:36:51,133
But it's an easy fix-
one line of dialogue:
806
00:36:51,242 --> 00:36:53,210
"Thank God we invented the..."
you know,
807
00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:54,608
whatever device.
808
00:36:54,712 --> 00:36:56,577
Brad Pitt.
809
00:36:56,681 --> 00:36:58,239
Catherine Zeta-Jones.
810
00:36:58,349 --> 00:36:59,748
They've just finished ravishing
811
00:36:59,851 --> 00:37:02,445
each other's bodies
for the first time.
812
00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:04,578
They lie naked, suspended in air
813
00:37:04,689 --> 00:37:06,122
underneath the heavens.
814
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,590
Pitt lights up.
815
00:37:08,693 --> 00:37:10,422
He starts blowing smoke rings
all around
816
00:37:10,528 --> 00:37:12,325
Catherine's naked, flawless body,
817
00:37:12,430 --> 00:37:15,593
as the galaxies go whizzing
by over the glass-domed ceiling.
818
00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:17,759
Now, tell me that
doesn't work for you.
819
00:37:17,869 --> 00:37:19,166
I'd see that movie.
820
00:37:19,270 --> 00:37:20,532
I'd buy the goddamn DVD.
821
00:37:20,638 --> 00:37:23,334
You know, if the academy
didn't send them to me for free.
822
00:37:23,441 --> 00:37:24,908
You know,
823
00:37:25,009 --> 00:37:27,170
you guys ought to think
about designing a cigarette
824
00:37:27,278 --> 00:37:29,007
to be released simultaneously
with the movie.
825
00:37:29,113 --> 00:37:30,671
Sector Sixes.
826
00:37:30,782 --> 00:37:32,340
No one's ever done it
with a cigarette.
827
00:37:32,450 --> 00:37:33,576
Wow.
828
00:37:33,684 --> 00:37:35,584
Well, where do we go from here?
829
00:37:35,686 --> 00:37:38,519
You enjoy the rest of your day
in L.A. with your son
830
00:37:38,623 --> 00:37:40,557
while I find out
the answers to these questions.
831
00:37:40,658 --> 00:37:43,286
Hey, where can I get
a bite to eat with my son?
832
00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:44,918
You ought to try Nobu's new place.
833
00:37:45,029 --> 00:37:47,429
- He only serves food that's white.
- Oh, great.
834
00:37:48,699 --> 00:37:50,929
JOEY: So, you go to an office,
835
00:37:51,035 --> 00:37:53,663
then you go on TV
and talk about cigarettes.
836
00:37:53,771 --> 00:37:55,602
Then you fly out to L.A.
837
00:37:55,706 --> 00:37:58,174
to talk to some guy who
works with movie stars.
838
00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:01,575
- What is that?
- That's my job; I'm a lobbyist.
839
00:38:01,679 --> 00:38:04,341
I know, but did you study to do that?
840
00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:06,940
No. No, I just kind of figured it out.
841
00:38:07,051 --> 00:38:09,144
Then can't anyone just do that?
842
00:38:09,253 --> 00:38:13,189
No, it, uh, requires a...
843
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:17,022
a moral flexibility
that goes beyond most people.
844
00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:20,962
Do I have flexible morals?
845
00:38:21,065 --> 00:38:23,761
Well, let's say
you became a lawyer, right?
846
00:38:23,868 --> 00:38:25,495
And you were asked
to defend a murderer.
847
00:38:25,603 --> 00:38:27,127
Worse than that- a child murderer.
848
00:38:27,238 --> 00:38:28,535
Now,
849
00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:31,631
the law states that every person
deserves a fair trial.
850
00:38:31,742 --> 00:38:33,835
Would you defend them?
851
00:38:33,945 --> 00:38:35,640
I don't know.
I guess every person
852
00:38:35,746 --> 00:38:37,577
- deserves a fair defense.
- Yeah, well,
853
00:38:37,682 --> 00:38:39,809
so do multinational corporations.
854
00:38:39,917 --> 00:38:43,216
So, what happens when you're wrong?
855
00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:44,982
(chuckles):
Well, Joey, I'm never wrong.
856
00:38:45,089 --> 00:38:46,556
But you can't always be right.
857
00:38:46,657 --> 00:38:49,592
Well, if it's your job to be right,
then you're never wrong.
858
00:38:49,694 --> 00:38:51,889
But what if you are wrong?
859
00:38:51,996 --> 00:38:54,157
Okay, let's say that
you're defending chocolate
860
00:38:54,265 --> 00:38:55,596
and I'm defending vanilla.
861
00:38:55,700 --> 00:38:58,100
Now, if I were to say to you,
862
00:38:58,202 --> 00:39:01,103
"Vanilla's the best flavor
ice cream," you'd say...?
863
00:39:01,205 --> 00:39:03,264
- "No, chocolate is."
- Exactly.
864
00:39:03,374 --> 00:39:04,966
But you can't win that argument.
865
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:07,636
So, I'll ask you-
So you think chocolate
866
00:39:07,745 --> 00:39:10,543
is the end-all and be-all
of ice cream, do you?
867
00:39:10,648 --> 00:39:12,707
It's the best ice cream;
I wouldn't order any other.
868
00:39:12,817 --> 00:39:14,717
Oh. So it's all chocolate
for you, is it?
869
00:39:14,819 --> 00:39:16,411
Yes, chocolate is all I need.
870
00:39:16,521 --> 00:39:17,818
Well, I need more than chocolate.
871
00:39:17,922 --> 00:39:19,913
And for that matter,
I need more than vanilla.
872
00:39:20,024 --> 00:39:21,787
I believe that we need
freedom and choice
873
00:39:21,893 --> 00:39:24,384
when it comes to our ice cream,
and that, Joey Naylor,
874
00:39:24,495 --> 00:39:26,019
that is the definition of liberty.
875
00:39:26,130 --> 00:39:28,064
But that's not what
we're talking about.
876
00:39:28,166 --> 00:39:30,566
Ah, but that's what
I'm talking about.
877
00:39:30,668 --> 00:39:33,603
- But... you didn't prove that vanilla's the best.
- I didn't have to.
878
00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:36,537
I proved that you're wrong-
and if you're wrong, I'm right.
879
00:39:36,641 --> 00:39:37,608
But you still didn't
880
00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:38,766
convince me.
881
00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:40,207
'Cause I'm not after you.
882
00:39:40,311 --> 00:39:43,610
I'm after them.
883
00:39:52,790 --> 00:39:54,758
(phone ringing)
884
00:39:59,697 --> 00:40:01,164
Hello?
885
00:40:01,265 --> 00:40:03,165
Thought I'd give you a little update.
886
00:40:03,267 --> 00:40:05,235
Jeff. You still at the office?
887
00:40:05,336 --> 00:40:07,861
Do you know what time it is
in Tokyo right now?
888
00:40:07,972 --> 00:40:09,735
- No.
- 4:00 P.M. tomorrow.
889
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:11,637
It's the future, Nick.
890
00:40:12,843 --> 00:40:14,572
Anyway, for Pitt to smoke,
891
00:40:14,679 --> 00:40:16,909
it's $10 million;
for the pair, it's 25.
892
00:40:17,014 --> 00:40:20,177
25?! Usually when I buy two
of something, I get a discount.
893
00:40:20,284 --> 00:40:21,478
What's the extra five for?
894
00:40:21,586 --> 00:40:22,746
Synergy.
895
00:40:22,853 --> 00:40:25,617
These are not stupid people;
they got it right away.
896
00:40:25,723 --> 00:40:27,953
Pitt and Zeta-Jones lighting up
after some cosmic fucking
897
00:40:28,059 --> 00:40:30,527
in the bubble suite's
gonna sell a lot of cigarettes.
898
00:40:30,628 --> 00:40:32,061
Well, for that kind of money,
899
00:40:32,163 --> 00:40:34,063
my people will expect
some very serious smoking.
900
00:40:34,165 --> 00:40:35,655
Can Brad blow smoke rings?
901
00:40:35,766 --> 00:40:37,165
I don't have that information.
902
00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:38,963
Well, for $25 million,
we'd want smoke rings.
903
00:40:39,070 --> 00:40:40,560
Oh, one other thing-
you'll be cofinancing
904
00:40:40,671 --> 00:40:42,605
the picture
with the Sultan of Glutan.
905
00:40:42,707 --> 00:40:43,901
The Sultan of Glutan?
906
00:40:44,008 --> 00:40:46,033
The one who massacred
and enslaved his own people?
907
00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:48,634
Aren't they calling him
the Hitler of the South Pacific?
908
00:40:48,746 --> 00:40:51,180
No, I can't speak to that-
All my dealings with him,
909
00:40:51,282 --> 00:40:53,011
he's been a very reasonable
and sensitive guy.
910
00:40:53,117 --> 00:40:54,345
He's fun. You'll like him.
911
00:40:54,452 --> 00:40:55,646
I better run it by my people.
912
00:40:55,753 --> 00:40:56,845
No problem.
913
00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:58,319
- (beep)
- Oh, that's London calling.
914
00:40:58,422 --> 00:41:00,549
7:00 A.M. in the Old Empire.
915
00:41:00,658 --> 00:41:02,216
Jeff, when do you sleep?
916
00:41:02,326 --> 00:41:03,554
Sunday.
917
00:41:03,661 --> 00:41:05,390
(line hangs up)
918
00:41:19,577 --> 00:41:21,545
(laughs softly)
919
00:41:57,815 --> 00:41:59,806
(groans)
920
00:42:01,919 --> 00:42:03,887
(line ringing)
921
00:42:05,690 --> 00:42:08,181
- Operator.
- Yeah, my light is blinking.
922
00:42:08,292 --> 00:42:11,523
- There's a package downstairs for you.
- Okay, send it up.
923
00:42:14,065 --> 00:42:17,262
Captain, I'm sitting in front
of an open briefcase.
924
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:19,393
I don't suppose this is a raise.
925
00:42:19,503 --> 00:42:23,303
Now, Nick, do you know
who Lorne Lutch is?
926
00:42:23,407 --> 00:42:25,102
Yeah, of course.
He's the original Marlboro Man.
927
00:42:25,209 --> 00:42:27,677
He's dying.
He was on Sally last week.
928
00:42:27,778 --> 00:42:29,973
Not exactly our biggest fan.
929
00:42:30,081 --> 00:42:31,309
Well, the money's for him.
930
00:42:31,415 --> 00:42:34,043
Now, he has a ranch
out there in California.
931
00:42:34,151 --> 00:42:35,812
I want you to bring it to him.
932
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,754
He's a cowboy, sir,
and cowboys don't like bribes.
933
00:42:39,857 --> 00:42:42,018
It's not a bribe. No, sir.
934
00:42:42,126 --> 00:42:44,890
You're going out there
on wings of angels, son.
935
00:42:44,995 --> 00:42:47,930
You mean we're just going
to give him the money?
936
00:42:48,032 --> 00:42:49,431
Well, I think Christ himself
would say,
937
00:42:49,533 --> 00:42:51,763
"That's mighty white of you boys."
938
00:42:51,869 --> 00:42:53,928
No gag agreement?
939
00:42:54,038 --> 00:42:56,438
Hopefully, he'll be so damn
overcome with gratitude
940
00:42:56,540 --> 00:42:58,872
he'll... he'll have to shut up.
941
00:43:09,620 --> 00:43:11,952
Hey, kiddo, I got to go do
a little bit more work
942
00:43:12,056 --> 00:43:13,148
this afternoon, all right?
943
00:43:13,257 --> 00:43:14,155
Can I come?
944
00:43:14,258 --> 00:43:15,691
No. Not this time.
945
00:43:15,793 --> 00:43:17,954
But I want to see what you do.
946
00:43:59,270 --> 00:44:00,862
You stay here, okay?
947
00:44:20,024 --> 00:44:22,584
What the fuck are you doing here?
948
00:44:22,693 --> 00:44:25,287
Uh... uh...
949
00:44:25,396 --> 00:44:27,091
Do you have a minute?
950
00:44:32,236 --> 00:44:33,897
What do you want?
951
00:44:34,004 --> 00:44:35,232
Dad!
952
00:44:35,339 --> 00:44:36,465
Joey, get back in the car.
953
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,071
Just want to talk.
954
00:44:46,417 --> 00:44:48,476
All right.
955
00:44:48,586 --> 00:44:50,053
Let's talk.
956
00:45:06,470 --> 00:45:08,904
Pearl, we got company.
957
00:45:11,542 --> 00:45:14,739
Mister, you got a lot of nerve
walking in here after...
958
00:45:14,845 --> 00:45:18,212
Honey, why don't you show
this young man some iced tea?
959
00:45:21,352 --> 00:45:22,842
I'll be right back, tiger.
960
00:45:29,326 --> 00:45:31,123
(hissing)
961
00:45:39,270 --> 00:45:41,830
Saw you on...
962
00:45:41,939 --> 00:45:45,431
Weren't you on that TV show?
963
00:45:45,543 --> 00:45:48,341
Yeah. Yeah, that was me.
964
00:45:48,445 --> 00:45:52,006
You're lucky you made it
out of there alive.
965
00:45:52,116 --> 00:45:54,414
Yeah. Tobacco used to be
all over the television.
966
00:45:54,518 --> 00:45:58,511
Now TV is leading the witch hunt.
967
00:45:58,622 --> 00:46:00,487
Strange business.
968
00:46:00,591 --> 00:46:03,492
Last year, after I was diagnosed,
969
00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:09,123
flew east to attend the
annual stockholders' convention.
970
00:46:10,901 --> 00:46:12,869
Stood up and told them
I thought
971
00:46:12,970 --> 00:46:17,600
they ought to cut back
on their advertising.
972
00:46:17,708 --> 00:46:20,302
You know what your boss said to me?
973
00:46:23,547 --> 00:46:26,607
He said, "We're certainly sorry
974
00:46:26,717 --> 00:46:30,483
"to hear about your medical problem.
975
00:46:30,588 --> 00:46:34,024
"However, without
knowing more
976
00:46:34,124 --> 00:46:37,787
"of your medical history,
977
00:46:37,895 --> 00:46:39,988
we can't comment further."
978
00:46:42,566 --> 00:46:44,796
But then they tried to pretend
979
00:46:44,902 --> 00:46:46,631
I never worked for 'em.
980
00:46:48,572 --> 00:46:50,802
Yeah, I got the pay stubs.
981
00:46:50,908 --> 00:46:53,672
But, hell,
I was on the damn billboards.
982
00:46:55,412 --> 00:46:57,141
I never
even smoked
983
00:46:57,247 --> 00:46:59,272
Marlboro.
984
00:46:59,383 --> 00:47:01,851
I smoked Kools.
985
00:47:06,256 --> 00:47:09,384
You look like a nice-enough fella.
986
00:47:09,493 --> 00:47:11,791
What are you doing
working for these assholes?
987
00:47:13,697 --> 00:47:15,756
I'm good at it.
988
00:47:15,866 --> 00:47:17,094
Better at doing this
989
00:47:17,201 --> 00:47:18,862
than I ever was
at doing anything else.
990
00:47:18,969 --> 00:47:20,903
Aw, hell, son.
991
00:47:21,005 --> 00:47:23,565
I was good at shooting VC.
992
00:47:23,674 --> 00:47:25,642
I didn't make it my career.
993
00:47:27,945 --> 00:47:31,608
I suppose we all
got to pay the mortgage.
994
00:47:35,452 --> 00:47:37,613
Your dad always bring
you along like this?
995
00:47:37,721 --> 00:47:40,451
No. I live with my mom.
996
00:47:40,557 --> 00:47:42,286
He tell you why he's here today?
997
00:47:42,393 --> 00:47:46,227
He said that your husband
was the Marlboro Man.
998
00:47:46,330 --> 00:47:47,729
(phone rings)
999
00:47:47,831 --> 00:47:51,631
Yeah, well, not anymore.
1000
00:47:51,735 --> 00:47:53,202
Hello.
1001
00:47:53,303 --> 00:47:55,464
Yeah. Hey, can you hold on a second?
1002
00:47:55,572 --> 00:47:59,668
You need anything else,
grab it out of the fridge.
1003
00:47:59,777 --> 00:48:01,438
So I'm standing here
minding my own business,
1004
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:03,410
filling up pill bottles...
1005
00:48:03,514 --> 00:48:09,419
So you're here to talk me
into shutting up?
1006
00:48:11,288 --> 00:48:13,552
That what's in that case of yours?
1007
00:48:13,657 --> 00:48:16,319
Yeah, basically.
1008
00:48:17,528 --> 00:48:18,927
No, not basically.
1009
00:48:19,029 --> 00:48:21,259
That's... that's exactly it.
1010
00:48:23,367 --> 00:48:24,994
My dignity ain't for sale.
1011
00:48:25,102 --> 00:48:27,570
It's not an offer.
It's a gift.
1012
00:48:27,671 --> 00:48:28,797
Taxes have all been paid.
1013
00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:31,636
You get to keep it
no matter what you do.
1014
00:48:31,742 --> 00:48:33,175
The idea is that, somehow,
1015
00:48:33,277 --> 00:48:35,905
your guilt will prevent you
from bad-mouthing us.
1016
00:48:36,013 --> 00:48:37,810
Are you supposed to be
1017
00:48:37,915 --> 00:48:39,610
telling me all that?
1018
00:48:39,717 --> 00:48:42,242
No, sir. Just apologize,
1019
00:48:42,352 --> 00:48:44,115
give you the money, and leave.
1020
00:48:44,221 --> 00:48:45,984
Why are you telling me this?
1021
00:48:48,525 --> 00:48:50,493
Because, this way,
you'll take the money.
1022
00:48:50,594 --> 00:48:51,856
Why would I do that?
1023
00:48:51,962 --> 00:48:52,951
Because you're mad.
1024
00:48:53,063 --> 00:48:54,496
Damn straight I am.
1025
00:48:54,598 --> 00:48:55,587
The first thing you'll do,
1026
00:48:55,699 --> 00:48:57,792
is you'll call the L.A. Times,
and CNN...
1027
00:48:57,901 --> 00:48:59,300
- Huh?
- and insist on Bonnie Carlton.
1028
00:48:59,403 --> 00:49:00,301
She does really good
1029
00:49:00,404 --> 00:49:01,302
controlled outrage.
1030
00:49:01,405 --> 00:49:02,633
Tell them, "No Bonnie, no story."
1031
00:49:02,740 --> 00:49:03,764
Watch it on MSNBC.
1032
00:49:03,874 --> 00:49:05,171
- Okay.
- When they get here,
1033
00:49:05,275 --> 00:49:08,210
you open up the case...
1034
00:49:10,914 --> 00:49:14,077
and you pour all the cash
out onto the floor.
1035
00:49:14,184 --> 00:49:15,242
- Why?
- Trust me.
1036
00:49:15,352 --> 00:49:16,546
It'll look more effective that way.
1037
00:49:16,653 --> 00:49:20,714
Don't forget to shake
every last bundle out.
1038
00:49:22,459 --> 00:49:24,120
If you can, you know,
give a cough or two.
1039
00:49:24,228 --> 00:49:27,129
Once it's all
out on the floor,
1040
00:49:27,231 --> 00:49:28,698
tell them what you're
going to do with it.
1041
00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:29,766
What am I going to do with it?
1042
00:49:29,867 --> 00:49:30,891
You're going to donate it.
1043
00:49:31,001 --> 00:49:33,196
Yeah. Start the Lorne Lutch
Cancer Foundation.
1044
00:49:33,303 --> 00:49:34,634
You're going to have
a ranch and a fair
1045
00:49:34,738 --> 00:49:37,366
and a 5K.
A 5K is a must. Television...
1046
00:49:37,474 --> 00:49:38,498
Wait a minute.
1047
00:49:38,609 --> 00:49:40,839
What about my family?
1048
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,475
But, Lorne, you can't keep the money.
1049
00:49:45,582 --> 00:49:47,072
Why the hell not?
1050
00:49:47,184 --> 00:49:48,412
What do you mean?
1051
00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:51,113
Denounce us,
and then keep the blood money?
1052
00:49:51,221 --> 00:49:52,518
I mean, look at it.
1053
00:49:59,797 --> 00:50:00,695
I got to think this over.
1054
00:50:00,798 --> 00:50:01,662
Lorne, whoa.
1055
00:50:01,765 --> 00:50:03,756
News doesn't work that way.
1056
00:50:03,867 --> 00:50:05,892
You can't denounce us next week.
1057
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:15,774
I don't suppose I can
denounce you for half of it.
1058
00:50:15,879 --> 00:50:19,246
No, Lorne. Either you keep
all the money,
1059
00:50:19,349 --> 00:50:22,113
or you... you give it all away.
1060
00:50:32,563 --> 00:50:34,724
Dad, how did you know
1061
00:50:34,832 --> 00:50:36,697
he would take the money?
1062
00:50:39,036 --> 00:50:41,937
You'd have to be crazy
to turn down all that money.
1063
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:44,507
When I saw he wasn't crazy,
I knew he'd take it.
1064
00:50:46,009 --> 00:50:48,477
Would you have taken it?
1065
00:50:48,579 --> 00:50:51,139
If I were him? Sure.
1066
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:55,351
So would I.
1067
00:51:06,897 --> 00:51:07,955
I don't think you understand, sir.
1068
00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:09,362
He's like a wild animal.
1069
00:51:09,466 --> 00:51:11,127
You'll have to be
on your guard at all times.
1070
00:51:11,235 --> 00:51:12,224
He has this trick.
1071
00:51:12,336 --> 00:51:13,530
Ron, shut up.
1072
00:51:13,637 --> 00:51:15,468
I've tangoed with presidents,
lawyers and Indian chiefs.
1073
00:51:15,572 --> 00:51:18,132
I think I can handle Mr. Nick Naylor.
1074
00:51:18,242 --> 00:51:20,005
(clears throat)
1075
00:51:20,110 --> 00:51:21,304
DENNIS MILLER:
All right, welcome back, kids.
1076
00:51:21,411 --> 00:51:23,311
We've got two guests
on the show tonight.
1077
00:51:23,413 --> 00:51:25,404
First, joining us
from our Washington studio...
1078
00:51:25,515 --> 00:51:27,449
I must have that tie clip!
1079
00:51:27,551 --> 00:51:30,145
...is the senator from
the great state of Vermont.
1080
00:51:30,254 --> 00:51:32,415
Please welcome Ortolan Finistirre.
1081
00:51:32,522 --> 00:51:33,420
Welcome, Senator.
1082
00:51:33,523 --> 00:51:35,081
Good to be here, Dennis.
1083
00:51:35,192 --> 00:51:36,887
And, joining us here
in our Los Angeles studio,
1084
00:51:36,994 --> 00:51:38,859
he is the chief spokesperson
1085
00:51:38,962 --> 00:51:41,157
for the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
1086
00:51:41,265 --> 00:51:42,755
Quite an august chamber, might I add?
1087
00:51:42,866 --> 00:51:44,629
- Nick Naylor. Nick, welcome.
- Pleasure to be here.
1088
00:51:44,735 --> 00:51:47,465
All right, I understand you were
on Joan Lunden's show recently.
1089
00:51:47,571 --> 00:51:49,163
Didn't make a lot
of friends over there, did you?
1090
00:51:49,273 --> 00:51:50,638
I will say that I don't think
1091
00:51:50,741 --> 00:51:52,038
I'll be getting
my annual invitation
1092
00:51:52,142 --> 00:51:54,906
to the Finistirre Labor Day Barbecue.
1093
00:51:55,012 --> 00:51:57,412
Well, I continue to offer
an open invitation to Mr. Naylor
1094
00:51:57,514 --> 00:51:59,846
to join us in Congress
to talk about the inclusion
1095
00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:02,680
of our new poison label which,
if I might say...
1096
00:52:02,786 --> 00:52:04,947
Nick, ready to trek up
the Hill and testify
1097
00:52:05,055 --> 00:52:06,249
before Congress?
1098
00:52:06,356 --> 00:52:08,517
Well, I'd love to, Dennis,
but not as long as the senator
1099
00:52:08,625 --> 00:52:09,990
is calling for me to be fired.
1100
00:52:10,093 --> 00:52:12,391
It's not exactly
a welcome invitation.
1101
00:52:12,496 --> 00:52:15,021
Yeah. Bit of a mixed message,
Senator.
1102
00:52:15,132 --> 00:52:17,396
Well, not as mixed as the stance
that Big Tobacco has taken
1103
00:52:17,501 --> 00:52:19,264
about the dangers
of smoking cigarettes.
1104
00:52:19,369 --> 00:52:20,802
- Oh, no.
- Now what are you laughing...?
1105
00:52:20,904 --> 00:52:22,997
You're a wind-up artist.
Give the man his due.
1106
00:52:23,106 --> 00:52:24,903
He's got a bit of a point there,
doesn't he?
1107
00:52:25,008 --> 00:52:26,873
Sorry. I just can't
help myself, Dennis.
1108
00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:28,638
I... I... I'm just tickled by the idea
1109
00:52:28,745 --> 00:52:30,440
of the gentleman from Vermont
1110
00:52:30,547 --> 00:52:33,107
calling me a hypocrite
when, uh... this same man,
1111
00:52:33,216 --> 00:52:35,081
in one day, held a press
conference where he called
1112
00:52:35,185 --> 00:52:37,676
for the American tobacco fields
to be slashed and burned,
1113
00:52:37,788 --> 00:52:39,380
then he jumped on a private jet
1114
00:52:39,489 --> 00:52:41,980
and flew down to Farm Aid
where he rode a tractor onstage
1115
00:52:42,092 --> 00:52:45,084
- Oh, come on.
- as he bemoaned the downfall
of the American farmer.
1116
00:52:45,195 --> 00:52:46,992
Care to comment, Senator?
1117
00:52:47,097 --> 00:52:49,031
He... I... No.
1118
00:52:49,132 --> 00:52:51,362
Eloquent in its brevity.
1119
00:52:51,468 --> 00:52:52,594
Emotional issue.
1120
00:52:52,703 --> 00:52:53,931
Let's take some phone calls now.
1121
00:52:54,037 --> 00:52:56,335
Herndon, Virginia.
Go ahead. You're on the show.
1122
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:58,931
MAN: Dennis, has anyone ever
announced that they're going
1123
00:52:59,042 --> 00:53:00,805
to kill someone live on your show?
1124
00:53:00,911 --> 00:53:04,142
My demo's been called quirky
but, no, at this point,
1125
00:53:04,247 --> 00:53:06,340
we're not skewing
to the emotionally unstable.
1126
00:53:06,450 --> 00:53:08,577
Then it's your lucky day.
1127
00:53:08,685 --> 00:53:10,346
Because I'm here to tell
you that, within a week,
1128
00:53:10,454 --> 00:53:13,048
we're going to dispatch
Mr. Naylor from this planet
1129
00:53:13,156 --> 00:53:16,853
for all the pain and suffering
he's caused in the world.
1130
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,985
(click)
1131
00:53:20,630 --> 00:53:23,121
As I said, emotional issue.
We're going to break now.
1132
00:53:23,233 --> 00:53:24,996
I got to fire a call screener.
1133
00:53:51,928 --> 00:53:53,395
Let's go.
1134
00:54:23,393 --> 00:54:24,758
(chuckling)
1135
00:54:24,861 --> 00:54:26,226
(moans)
1136
00:54:29,066 --> 00:54:31,728
This is Nick Naylor
telling you kids,
1137
00:54:31,835 --> 00:54:35,032
"Don't do drugs, smoke cigarettes."
1138
00:54:35,138 --> 00:54:36,298
That's really great.
1139
00:54:36,406 --> 00:54:38,033
It's like I'm looking in a mirror.
1140
00:54:38,141 --> 00:54:40,268
New idea:
1141
00:54:40,377 --> 00:54:42,743
cigarettes for the homeless.
1142
00:54:42,846 --> 00:54:43,938
We'll call them "hobos."
1143
00:54:44,047 --> 00:54:45,378
(chuckling)
1144
00:54:45,482 --> 00:54:46,847
Uh, that's awful.
1145
00:54:46,950 --> 00:54:48,474
Any better than "Sector Sixes"?
1146
00:54:48,585 --> 00:54:50,553
Right.
1147
00:54:50,654 --> 00:54:53,487
Oh, my God, Nick, you're on TV.
1148
00:54:53,590 --> 00:54:54,557
(TV playing)
1149
00:54:54,658 --> 00:54:57,286
"Lobbyist on the lookout."
1150
00:54:57,394 --> 00:55:00,591
You got to be kidding me.
1151
00:55:01,865 --> 00:55:05,562
I want to fuck you
while I watch you on TV.
1152
00:55:05,669 --> 00:55:07,398
And they call me sick.
1153
00:55:07,504 --> 00:55:08,402
Hurry.
1154
00:55:08,505 --> 00:55:10,496
Before your segment ends.
1155
00:55:10,607 --> 00:55:12,541
All right.
1156
00:55:18,315 --> 00:55:20,442
Tell me more about Los Angeles, baby.
1157
00:55:20,550 --> 00:55:21,710
Huh?
1158
00:55:25,922 --> 00:55:27,719
NICK: He says he wants
to trail me everywhere,
1159
00:55:27,824 --> 00:55:28,984
I said, "Who's paying for it?"
1160
00:55:29,092 --> 00:55:30,582
He says the tobacco company's
paying for it.
1161
00:55:30,694 --> 00:55:32,218
I said, "I don't need a bodyguard."
1162
00:55:32,329 --> 00:55:33,887
I'm a man of the people.
1163
00:55:33,997 --> 00:55:35,862
Rock on, Kennedy.
1164
00:55:35,966 --> 00:55:37,661
Listen, we're all going to
need bodyguards soon enough.
1165
00:55:37,767 --> 00:55:39,564
Did you see the coverage
the fetal alcohol people
1166
00:55:39,669 --> 00:55:40,727
got themselves over this weekend?
1167
00:55:40,837 --> 00:55:42,668
They made it seem like
we were encouraging
1168
00:55:42,772 --> 00:55:43,898
pregnant women to drink.
1169
00:55:44,007 --> 00:55:45,099
I'm surprised I didn't get kidnapped
1170
00:55:45,208 --> 00:55:46,539
on my way to work this morning.
1171
00:55:46,643 --> 00:55:50,135
I don't think people from
the alcoholic beverage industry
1172
00:55:50,247 --> 00:55:52,238
need to worry about
being kidnapped just yet.
1173
00:55:53,850 --> 00:55:55,442
Pardon me?
1174
00:55:55,552 --> 00:55:56,849
Look, I mean,
1175
00:55:56,953 --> 00:55:58,944
nothing personal,
but tobacco generates
1176
00:55:59,055 --> 00:56:01,285
a little more heat than alcohol.
1177
00:56:01,391 --> 00:56:02,858
Oh, this is news.
1178
00:56:02,959 --> 00:56:06,588
My product puts away 475,000 a year.
1179
00:56:06,696 --> 00:56:09,358
Oh, okay, now 475 is a legit number.
1180
00:56:09,466 --> 00:56:10,694
Okay, 435,000.
1181
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:11,858
That's 1,200 a day.
1182
00:56:11,968 --> 00:56:13,299
How many alcohol-related deaths
a year?
1183
00:56:13,403 --> 00:56:15,530
- Well, does that...
- 100,000 tops?
1184
00:56:15,639 --> 00:56:19,268
That's, what, 270 a day?
1185
00:56:19,376 --> 00:56:20,536
Wowee.
1186
00:56:20,644 --> 00:56:23,010
270 people, a tragedy.
1187
00:56:23,113 --> 00:56:25,104
Excuse me if I don't exactly see
terrorists getting excited
1188
00:56:25,215 --> 00:56:26,842
about kidnapping anyone
from the alcohol industry.
1189
00:56:26,950 --> 00:56:28,212
- Well, you haven't even
- Okay,
1190
00:56:28,318 --> 00:56:30,149
- taken into account the number of deaths
- let's just
1191
00:56:30,253 --> 00:56:32,949
- breathe.
- How many gun deaths a year in the U. S?
1192
00:56:33,056 --> 00:56:34,785
11,000.
1193
00:56:34,891 --> 00:56:37,223
11,000, are you kidding me?
1194
00:56:37,327 --> 00:56:39,261
30 a day.
1195
00:56:39,362 --> 00:56:40,795
That's less than passenger car
mortalities.
1196
00:56:40,897 --> 00:56:42,489
No terrorist would bother
with either of you.
1197
00:56:56,179 --> 00:56:57,942
Okay, look...
stupid argument.
1198
00:56:58,048 --> 00:57:00,073
I'll say.
1199
00:57:00,183 --> 00:57:03,152
I'm sure both of you warrant
vigilante justice.
1200
00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:05,016
Thank you.
1201
00:57:10,961 --> 00:57:12,656
(motor revs)
1202
00:57:12,762 --> 00:57:14,229
(tires screech)
1203
00:57:17,033 --> 00:57:19,092
(grunting, groaning)
1204
00:57:19,202 --> 00:57:20,863
(engine racing,
overlapping voices)
1205
00:57:25,875 --> 00:57:27,137
Hey... please.
Stop... hey.
1206
00:57:27,244 --> 00:57:28,336
Who are you guys?
1207
00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:30,072
(tires screeching)
1208
00:57:32,249 --> 00:57:34,547
GIRL: And freedom means
that we can do what we want.
1209
00:57:34,651 --> 00:57:37,017
And that's really important.
1210
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:40,715
Because otherwise,
we couldn't be free.
1211
00:57:40,824 --> 00:57:44,851
And that's why America is
the best government in the world.
1212
00:57:44,961 --> 00:57:46,519
Whoa, hey, hey, hey.
1213
00:57:46,630 --> 00:57:49,326
Hey, no need for that,
no need for that.
1214
00:57:49,432 --> 00:57:50,797
Whoa, whoa, hey.
1215
00:57:50,900 --> 00:57:51,867
Hey, wait.
1216
00:57:51,968 --> 00:57:53,162
Can we get a dialogue going here?
1217
00:57:53,270 --> 00:57:56,034
Nick, we want you
to stop killing people.
1218
00:57:56,139 --> 00:57:57,868
So many people.
1219
00:57:57,974 --> 00:57:59,532
Half a million people a year
in the U.S.
1220
00:57:59,643 --> 00:58:01,338
That, there's no data
to support that.
1221
00:58:01,444 --> 00:58:03,571
Nick... you're not on TV anymore.
1222
00:58:06,983 --> 00:58:08,678
Okay, Joey, it's your turn.
1223
00:58:11,288 --> 00:58:12,550
Hey!
1224
00:58:12,656 --> 00:58:14,055
Nick, how much do you smoke a day?
1225
00:58:14,157 --> 00:58:15,715
Hey, what are you doing?
1226
00:58:15,825 --> 00:58:18,089
According to the box,
each one of those patches
1227
00:58:18,194 --> 00:58:20,355
contains 21 milligrams of nicotine.
1228
00:58:20,463 --> 00:58:21,430
That's, like, what?
1229
00:58:21,531 --> 00:58:22,930
One pack?
1230
00:58:23,033 --> 00:58:25,331
Our industry has been working
hand in hand with...
1231
00:58:25,435 --> 00:58:27,369
Nick! Just listen, all right?
1232
00:58:27,470 --> 00:58:29,028
What makes America
the best government?
1233
00:58:29,139 --> 00:58:31,437
The passion that doesn't exist
anywhere in the world.
1234
00:58:31,541 --> 00:58:33,441
Says here there are
many adverse reactions
1235
00:58:33,543 --> 00:58:34,601
from those things.
1236
00:58:34,711 --> 00:58:36,611
Let's see, "arrhythmia,
1237
00:58:36,713 --> 00:58:38,180
"constipation, dyspepsia,
1238
00:58:38,281 --> 00:58:40,806
- "nausea...
- My industry does $48 billion in revenue.
1239
00:58:40,917 --> 00:58:42,612
pharyngitis, sinusitis..."
1240
00:58:42,719 --> 00:58:45,552
Sure you can call it capitalism,
a free market,
1241
00:58:45,655 --> 00:58:47,282
a celebration of tariff breakdowns...
1242
00:58:47,390 --> 00:58:50,052
"dysmenorrhea..."
1243
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:52,128
I don't even want to know
what that means.
1244
00:58:52,228 --> 00:58:53,991
Hey, look, I guess you could
start by, you know,
1245
00:58:54,097 --> 00:58:55,894
asking for five million,
working your way up from there.
1246
00:58:55,999 --> 00:58:57,432
But I don't want any money, Nick.
1247
00:58:57,534 --> 00:58:58,466
Well, what do you want?
1248
00:58:58,568 --> 00:58:59,865
I mean, I'm all ears here.
1249
00:58:59,969 --> 00:59:03,097
I have another word for it-
1250
00:59:03,206 --> 00:59:04,434
love.
1251
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:06,168
What does any man want?
1252
00:59:06,276 --> 00:59:07,834
The love of a woman,
1253
00:59:07,944 --> 00:59:09,138
crisp bacon...
1254
00:59:09,245 --> 00:59:14,114
an average life span over 80 years.
1255
00:59:14,217 --> 00:59:16,583
Oh, Nick...
1256
00:59:16,686 --> 00:59:18,654
(filtered applause)
1257
00:59:18,755 --> 00:59:20,814
...you don't look so good.
1258
00:59:27,831 --> 00:59:29,594
WOMAN:
If you should smell smoke,
1259
00:59:29,699 --> 00:59:32,167
please dial zero for the operator.
1260
00:59:32,268 --> 00:59:36,398
Before leaving the room,
check the door for heat.
1261
00:59:36,506 --> 00:59:39,168
Find your nearest
emergency exit,
1262
00:59:39,275 --> 00:59:43,336
then soak a washcloth
and cover your nose and mouth.
1263
00:59:44,714 --> 00:59:46,909
Do not remove your washcloth.
1264
00:59:47,016 --> 00:59:50,782
Try at all times to avoid
breathing in the smoke.
1265
00:59:50,887 --> 00:59:54,152
If necessary, crawl on
your hands and knees
1266
00:59:54,257 --> 00:59:56,555
to avoid the inhalation of smoke.
1267
00:59:56,659 --> 00:59:58,354
Do not be alarmed.
1268
00:59:58,461 --> 01:00:00,759
There are still
no conclusive studies
1269
01:00:00,864 --> 01:00:03,594
that link smoking to emphysema.
1270
01:00:03,700 --> 01:00:05,133
(machine beeping)
1271
01:00:10,140 --> 01:00:12,165
(monotone): You woke up.
1272
01:00:12,275 --> 01:00:14,436
NICK:
Perhaps a bad choice of inflection.
1273
01:00:14,544 --> 01:00:18,207
Is she implying that I
could’ve just as easily not?
1274
01:00:29,426 --> 01:00:30,620
I was so scared.
1275
01:00:30,727 --> 01:00:31,989
Hey, Joey.
1276
01:00:32,095 --> 01:00:33,494
(sighs heavily)
1277
01:00:33,596 --> 01:00:34,858
What happened?
1278
01:00:34,964 --> 01:00:37,694
No nonsmoker
could've ever withstood
1279
01:00:37,801 --> 01:00:39,792
the amount of nicotine
you had in your bloodstream.
1280
01:00:39,903 --> 01:00:41,871
Hate to say it, but...
1281
01:00:41,971 --> 01:00:44,531
cigarettes saved your life.
1282
01:00:46,810 --> 01:00:48,334
Can I quote you on that, doc?
1283
01:00:48,445 --> 01:00:50,709
You're a real trooper, my boy.
1284
01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:52,645
Hey, Captain,
1285
01:00:52,749 --> 01:00:54,080
where are you?
1286
01:00:54,184 --> 01:00:55,913
Winston-Salem General.
1287
01:00:57,420 --> 01:00:59,854
Damn heart failing me again.
1288
01:00:59,956 --> 01:01:01,685
I thought we could be roommates.
1289
01:01:01,791 --> 01:01:03,019
Nick, before
we get sidetracked,
1290
01:01:03,126 --> 01:01:04,821
there is one thing.
1291
01:01:04,928 --> 01:01:07,419
All right, don't get
all dramatic on me, doc.
1292
01:01:07,530 --> 01:01:09,555
You can't smoke.
1293
01:01:13,336 --> 01:01:14,394
That's no problem.
1294
01:01:14,504 --> 01:01:16,028
I've quit before.
1295
01:01:16,139 --> 01:01:18,039
I did during the pregnancy.
1296
01:01:18,141 --> 01:01:19,199
How long, you think?
1297
01:01:19,309 --> 01:01:21,368
I don't think you understand.
1298
01:01:21,478 --> 01:01:24,038
It's a miracle you came
out of this alive.
1299
01:01:24,147 --> 01:01:25,739
Any smoking- one cigarette-
1300
01:01:25,849 --> 01:01:27,942
could put you right back
into a paralytic state.
1301
01:01:28,051 --> 01:01:30,645
Your body just can't handle it.
1302
01:01:35,959 --> 01:01:37,950
Nick, I don't want to put
any more pressure on you,
1303
01:01:38,061 --> 01:01:39,892
but we got a camera crew
waiting out there.
1304
01:01:39,996 --> 01:01:42,021
If we want to make
the evening news...
1305
01:01:42,131 --> 01:01:44,691
You want to unhook me here?
1306
01:01:44,801 --> 01:01:48,703
This just goes to prove what
I've been saying for so long.
1307
01:01:48,805 --> 01:01:52,935
These nicotine patches
are just deadly.
1308
01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:54,805
Smoking saved my life.
1309
01:01:54,911 --> 01:01:57,505
Considering your condition,
will you still be able to appear
1310
01:01:57,614 --> 01:01:59,673
before Senator Finistirre's
subcommittee hearing
1311
01:01:59,782 --> 01:02:01,807
on the usage of poison labels
on cigarette packaging?
1312
01:02:01,918 --> 01:02:03,510
Oh, I think now more than ever
1313
01:02:03,620 --> 01:02:05,451
it is imperative that I be there.
1314
01:02:05,555 --> 01:02:07,580
Nothing will keep me from testifying.
1315
01:02:07,690 --> 01:02:10,750
Fucking kidnapping.
1316
01:02:10,860 --> 01:02:12,259
I don't understand, sir.
1317
01:02:12,362 --> 01:02:15,627
Aren't we considering
the kidnapping a good thing?
1318
01:02:15,732 --> 01:02:17,393
Well, he didn't die.
1319
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,832
He was almost killed, sir.
1320
01:02:19,936 --> 01:02:21,096
That's the point.
1321
01:02:21,204 --> 01:02:23,297
Now he looks like a victim,
lucky bastard.
1322
01:02:25,208 --> 01:02:27,335
The way I heard it,
D.C. police found you naked
1323
01:02:27,443 --> 01:02:29,104
laying in Lincoln's crotch
1324
01:02:29,212 --> 01:02:32,909
covered in nicotine patches
with a sign across your chest
1325
01:02:33,016 --> 01:02:35,507
- that said...
- He doesn't need to hear the details.
1326
01:02:35,618 --> 01:02:37,950
It was some pretty fucked up shit.
1327
01:02:38,054 --> 01:02:39,021
Shh!
1328
01:02:39,122 --> 01:02:40,111
How are you feeling?
1329
01:02:40,223 --> 01:02:43,556
I don't know.
1330
01:02:43,660 --> 01:02:46,185
First time I'm thinking these
cigarettes are pretty dangerous.
1331
01:02:46,296 --> 01:02:48,264
You might be right about that.
1332
01:02:48,364 --> 01:02:49,797
What are you doing?
1333
01:02:51,568 --> 01:02:53,502
It may be small,
but it'll do the trick.
1334
01:02:53,603 --> 01:02:54,729
One shot, bam.
1335
01:02:54,837 --> 01:02:57,101
Listen, Nick is not
going to shoot anyone.
1336
01:02:57,206 --> 01:02:58,332
Cool.
1337
01:02:58,441 --> 01:02:59,373
Yeah, huh?
1338
01:02:59,475 --> 01:03:00,703
I mean, uh...
1339
01:03:00,810 --> 01:03:02,641
guns are to be treated with
respect, you understand that?
1340
01:03:02,745 --> 01:03:04,713
You'll make a great father.
1341
01:03:04,814 --> 01:03:06,179
Thanks.
1342
01:03:08,418 --> 01:03:10,045
(applause)
1343
01:03:10,153 --> 01:03:11,643
Hey, there he is!
1344
01:03:11,754 --> 01:03:13,449
Hey, he's back!
1345
01:03:13,556 --> 01:03:14,989
Hey!
1346
01:03:15,091 --> 01:03:16,524
Welcome back.
1347
01:03:16,626 --> 01:03:18,719
- You okay?
- Great.
1348
01:03:18,828 --> 01:03:20,557
Good, 'cause you're booked on
all the Sunday talk shows.
1349
01:03:20,663 --> 01:03:23,461
For once we got public sympathy
on our side.
1350
01:03:23,566 --> 01:03:26,228
We can start our own little
celebrity victim tour.
1351
01:03:26,336 --> 01:03:28,702
I mean, we couldn't have planned
this thing better ourselves.
1352
01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:30,636
Oh, maybe next time
I can lose a lung.
1353
01:03:32,275 --> 01:03:34,743
Oh. Uh, I heard the, uh...
1354
01:03:34,844 --> 01:03:37,039
Heather Holloway article
is coming out tomorrow.
1355
01:03:37,146 --> 01:03:39,080
Really?
1356
01:03:39,182 --> 01:03:40,308
Yeah, anything I should be
worried about?
1357
01:03:40,416 --> 01:03:42,884
Uh, yeah, the Cancer Association.
1358
01:03:42,986 --> 01:03:44,351
Apparently, they have it in for us.
1359
01:03:44,454 --> 01:03:46,684
Fuckers.
1360
01:03:57,100 --> 01:03:58,067
What?
1361
01:03:58,167 --> 01:04:00,829
I got a call from the paper.
1362
01:04:00,937 --> 01:04:03,098
Really?
What'd they want?
1363
01:04:03,206 --> 01:04:06,266
They wanted the correct spelling
of my name and job title.
1364
01:04:06,376 --> 01:04:08,207
You didn't tell her
about us, did you?
1365
01:04:08,311 --> 01:04:09,972
Who?
1366
01:04:10,079 --> 01:04:11,273
Heather?
1367
01:04:11,381 --> 01:04:13,246
No.
1368
01:04:15,018 --> 01:04:17,213
I mean, maybe in passing, I...
1369
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:18,947
In passing.
1370
01:04:19,055 --> 01:04:20,283
Oh, God, he fucked her.
1371
01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:21,755
I tried to warn you.
1372
01:04:21,858 --> 01:04:24,292
Hey, he didn't fuck her.
You didn't fuck her, did you?
1373
01:04:26,729 --> 01:04:28,196
When?
1374
01:04:28,297 --> 01:04:29,229
In passing.
1375
01:04:29,332 --> 01:04:30,458
Look, she's a really nice girl.
1376
01:04:30,566 --> 01:04:31,590
Oh, God.
1377
01:04:31,701 --> 01:04:33,692
We're really fucked.
1378
01:04:52,055 --> 01:04:54,819
NICK: "Nick Naylor,
lead spokesman for big tobacco,
1379
01:04:54,924 --> 01:04:57,950
"would have you believe he
thinks cigarettes are harmless.
1380
01:04:58,061 --> 01:05:01,497
"But really, he's doing it
for the mortgage.
1381
01:05:01,597 --> 01:05:05,624
BAILEY: The MOD squad-meaning,
of course, merchants of death-
1382
01:05:05,735 --> 01:05:09,000
is comprised of Polly Bailey
of the Moderation Council
1383
01:05:09,105 --> 01:05:10,504
and BobbyJay Bliss
1384
01:05:10,606 --> 01:05:14,542
of the gun business's
own advisory group, SAFETY.
1385
01:05:14,644 --> 01:05:18,171
BLISS: As explained by Naylor,
the sole purpose of their meetings
1386
01:05:18,281 --> 01:05:20,181
is to compete for
the highest death toll
1387
01:05:20,283 --> 01:05:21,841
as they compare strategies
1388
01:05:21,951 --> 01:05:24,977
on how to dupe the American people.
1389
01:05:25,088 --> 01:05:27,682
MEGALL:
The film, Message from Sector Six,
1390
01:05:27,790 --> 01:05:29,985
would emphasize the sex appeal
of cigarettes
1391
01:05:30,093 --> 01:05:32,084
in a way that only floating, nude,
1392
01:05:32,195 --> 01:05:35,858
copulating Hollywood stars could.
1393
01:05:35,965 --> 01:05:39,196
LUTCH: This did not stop Nick
from bribing the dying man
1394
01:05:39,302 --> 01:05:42,271
with a suitcase of cash
to keep quiet on the subject
1395
01:05:42,371 --> 01:05:46,501
of his recent lung cancer diagnosis.
1396
01:05:46,609 --> 01:05:50,136
JILL: Nick's own son, Joey Naylor,
seems to be being groomed
1397
01:05:50,246 --> 01:05:52,237
for the job as he joins his father
1398
01:05:52,348 --> 01:05:55,283
on the majority of his trips.
1399
01:06:00,590 --> 01:06:01,852
(beep)
1400
01:06:01,958 --> 01:06:04,051
RECEPTIONIST:
I have Heather Holloway on line one.
1401
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:05,286
Heather.
1402
01:06:05,394 --> 01:06:07,191
Hey, Nick, what did you think?
1403
01:06:07,296 --> 01:06:08,957
Heather, uh... I...
1404
01:06:09,065 --> 01:06:11,556
I mean, there's a lot
of information in here, Heather,
1405
01:06:11,667 --> 01:06:13,157
that is off the record.
1406
01:06:13,269 --> 01:06:15,533
You never said anything
about off the record.
1407
01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:20,075
I presumed anything said while
I was inside you was privileged.
1408
01:06:20,176 --> 01:06:21,643
Nick...
1409
01:06:21,744 --> 01:06:23,871
If you wanted to talk on a plane
1410
01:06:23,980 --> 01:06:27,347
or at a movie or over dinner,
that would have been fine.
1411
01:06:27,450 --> 01:06:29,475
But you wanted to fuck.
1412
01:06:29,585 --> 01:06:31,018
That's fine by me.
1413
01:06:31,120 --> 01:06:33,145
You used me.
1414
01:06:33,256 --> 01:06:34,883
Oh, Nick, come on.
1415
01:06:34,991 --> 01:06:37,016
Now we're being children.
1416
01:06:37,126 --> 01:06:39,185
Look, we both love our jobs.
1417
01:06:39,295 --> 01:06:41,855
I'm just a reporter,
and you're just a lobbyist.
1418
01:06:41,964 --> 01:06:44,194
How can you do this to me?
1419
01:06:46,469 --> 01:06:48,494
For the mortgage.
1420
01:06:56,913 --> 01:06:57,880
Bitch.
1421
01:06:57,980 --> 01:06:59,038
Whore.
1422
01:06:59,148 --> 01:07:02,379
You should have been
more careful, Nick.
1423
01:07:02,485 --> 01:07:05,283
You've destroyed all the good
will created by your kidnapping.
1424
01:07:05,388 --> 01:07:06,685
Well, we'll work up a rebuttal.
1425
01:07:06,789 --> 01:07:09,519
Heather Holloway isn't
the only reporter in town.
1426
01:07:09,625 --> 01:07:10,785
No, there isn't going
to be any rebuttal.
1427
01:07:10,893 --> 01:07:11,951
What do you mean?
1428
01:07:12,061 --> 01:07:13,392
Don't talk to anyone.
1429
01:07:13,496 --> 01:07:15,259
We're pulling you
from the congressional hearing.
1430
01:07:15,364 --> 01:07:16,922
No, no, no. You can't pull me
from the congressional hearing.
1431
01:07:17,033 --> 01:07:18,364
All you'll be doing is giving
credence to her article.
1432
01:07:18,467 --> 01:07:19,695
I'm ready to testify.
1433
01:07:19,802 --> 01:07:21,463
Look, Nick, half of my job
is damage control.
1434
01:07:21,571 --> 01:07:22,663
Today, that consists
1435
01:07:22,772 --> 01:07:25,400
of distancing ourselves
from you entirely-
1436
01:07:25,508 --> 01:07:29,239
letting you take
all the heat on this article.
1437
01:07:29,345 --> 01:07:31,074
Your job relied on your ability
to keep secrets
1438
01:07:31,180 --> 01:07:32,272
and spin the truth.
1439
01:07:32,381 --> 01:07:34,076
I just cannot imagine a way
1440
01:07:34,183 --> 01:07:35,810
in which you could have fucked
up more.
1441
01:07:35,918 --> 01:07:38,751
There's just no way I could
possibly keep you on staff.
1442
01:07:38,855 --> 01:07:40,652
Then I assume you've run this
by the captain.
1443
01:07:40,756 --> 01:07:42,690
Captain died this morning.
1444
01:07:44,827 --> 01:07:47,921
(mellow, jazzy intro plays)
1445
01:07:55,938 --> 01:08:01,638
(man singing slowly)
1446
01:08:28,537 --> 01:08:31,836
(singing ends)
1447
01:08:38,381 --> 01:08:40,508
(beep)
1448
01:08:40,616 --> 01:08:42,550
(over answering machine): Mr. Naylor,
this is Pete in Security from the Academy.
1449
01:08:42,652 --> 01:08:44,517
Your things are waiting for you
1450
01:08:44,620 --> 01:08:46,281
at the information kiosk
in the lobby.
1451
01:08:46,389 --> 01:08:47,583
Look, if you don't pick your
stuff up by Friday,
1452
01:08:47,690 --> 01:08:50,022
we're instructed to throw it out.
1453
01:08:50,126 --> 01:08:51,684
(beep)
1454
01:08:51,794 --> 01:08:54,661
Mr. Naylor, this is Special
Agent Johnson with the FBI.
1455
01:08:54,764 --> 01:08:57,426
Having not found any leads in
your kidnapping investigation,
1456
01:08:57,533 --> 01:08:58,830
we're going to be
handing over the case
1457
01:08:58,935 --> 01:08:59,993
to the local D.C. police,
1458
01:09:00,102 --> 01:09:02,297
so please refer to them
in the future
1459
01:09:02,405 --> 01:09:03,997
for any updates and questions.
1460
01:09:04,106 --> 01:09:05,835
(beep)
1461
01:09:05,942 --> 01:09:08,536
Nick, Jack in Jeff Megall's office.
1462
01:09:08,644 --> 01:09:12,080
Jeff really enjoyed
meeting you the other day
1463
01:09:12,181 --> 01:09:14,240
and he's just... he's torn up
about the fact
1464
01:09:14,350 --> 01:09:16,113
that you two couldn't find
a project to work on.
1465
01:09:16,218 --> 01:09:18,345
He's really just... I don't know.
1466
01:09:18,454 --> 01:09:20,217
So, listen,
but we should hang, at least,
1467
01:09:20,323 --> 01:09:22,291
so you drop me a line
whenever you're in town.
1468
01:09:22,391 --> 01:09:25,849
Uh... my e-mail is, uh...
1469
01:09:27,363 --> 01:09:28,921
## [Man Singing]
1470
01:09:29,031 --> 01:09:32,523
(knocking on door)
1471
01:09:37,506 --> 01:09:39,599
(pounding on door)
1472
01:09:41,444 --> 01:09:43,071
Who is it?
1473
01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:45,079
JILL: It's me, Nick.
1474
01:09:47,016 --> 01:09:49,541
Jill, this is a bad time.
1475
01:09:49,652 --> 01:09:51,244
Let me in.
1476
01:09:51,354 --> 01:09:52,480
(sighs softly)
1477
01:09:52,588 --> 01:09:54,351
No.
1478
01:09:54,457 --> 01:09:57,426
I brought someone
who needs to talk to you.
1479
01:10:02,631 --> 01:10:03,928
Hey, buddy.
1480
01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:05,967
Hey, Dad.
1481
01:10:06,068 --> 01:10:08,093
Coke in the fridge.
1482
01:10:14,543 --> 01:10:19,310
So, this Heather Holloway,
she must have been pretty hot.
1483
01:10:19,415 --> 01:10:22,316
Yes. She's pretty hot.
1484
01:10:22,418 --> 01:10:24,443
Don't take it so hard.
1485
01:10:24,553 --> 01:10:27,181
A few flaws can be appealing.
1486
01:10:27,289 --> 01:10:28,381
Makes you human.
1487
01:10:28,491 --> 01:10:29,924
Who wants to be human?
1488
01:10:30,026 --> 01:10:31,391
Well, I know one person
1489
01:10:31,494 --> 01:10:34,463
who still thinks you're a God.
1490
01:10:50,980 --> 01:10:53,676
Why did you tell that reporter
all your secrets?
1491
01:10:56,919 --> 01:10:59,547
You're too young to understand.
1492
01:10:59,655 --> 01:11:02,749
Mom says it's because
you have dependency issues
1493
01:11:02,858 --> 01:11:04,348
and it was all just
a matter of time
1494
01:11:04,460 --> 01:11:06,621
before you threw it all away
on some tramp.
1495
01:11:06,729 --> 01:11:10,028
Well, that's one theory.
1496
01:11:10,132 --> 01:11:11,963
Why are you hiding from everyone?
1497
01:11:12,068 --> 01:11:17,665
It has something to do with
being generally hated right now.
1498
01:11:17,773 --> 01:11:19,263
But it's your job to be
generally hated.
1499
01:11:19,375 --> 01:11:22,139
It's more complicated
than that, Joey.
1500
01:11:22,244 --> 01:11:24,508
You're just making it
more complicated
1501
01:11:24,613 --> 01:11:26,171
so that you can feel
sorry for yourself.
1502
01:11:26,282 --> 01:11:28,011
Like you always said,
1503
01:11:28,117 --> 01:11:31,416
"If you want an easy job,
go work for the Red Cross."
1504
01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:33,147
You're a lobbyist.
1505
01:11:33,255 --> 01:11:36,349
Your job is to be right, and
you're the best at what you do.
1506
01:11:37,993 --> 01:11:39,392
You're the sultan of spin.
1507
01:11:40,596 --> 01:11:41,995
"Sultan of spin"?
1508
01:11:42,098 --> 01:11:43,622
Mom subscribes to Newsweek.
1509
01:11:45,067 --> 01:11:46,398
Who cares what the Brads
1510
01:11:46,502 --> 01:11:47,526
of the world think?
1511
01:11:47,636 --> 01:11:48,898
He's not my dad.
1512
01:11:50,606 --> 01:11:52,073
You are.
1513
01:11:52,174 --> 01:11:55,405
NICK: And right there,
looking into Joey’s eyes,
1514
01:11:55,511 --> 01:11:58,912
it all came back in a rush.
1515
01:11:59,014 --> 01:12:01,482
Why I do what I do-
defending the defenseless,
1516
01:12:01,584 --> 01:12:03,882
protecting the disenfranchised
corporations
1517
01:12:03,986 --> 01:12:06,045
that have been abandoned
by their very own consumers-
1518
01:12:06,155 --> 01:12:08,419
the logger...
1519
01:12:08,524 --> 01:12:10,754
the sweatshop foreman...
1520
01:12:10,860 --> 01:12:12,885
the oil driller...
1521
01:12:12,995 --> 01:12:15,156
the land mine developer...
1522
01:12:15,264 --> 01:12:18,563
the baby seal poacher...
1523
01:12:18,667 --> 01:12:20,066
Baby seal poacher?
1524
01:12:20,169 --> 01:12:21,534
Even I think that's kind of cruel.
1525
01:12:21,637 --> 01:12:23,730
All right, you're missing the point.
1526
01:12:23,839 --> 01:12:25,602
I must be, because I thought
you were apologizing.
1527
01:12:25,708 --> 01:12:26,675
I'm getting to that.
1528
01:12:26,775 --> 01:12:28,538
When?
1529
01:12:28,644 --> 01:12:31,112
Look.
1530
01:12:31,213 --> 01:12:36,048
The two of you, you're
basically my only friends,
1531
01:12:36,152 --> 01:12:38,450
and the last thing that
I would ever want to do
1532
01:12:38,554 --> 01:12:40,249
would be to hurt you.
1533
01:12:40,356 --> 01:12:42,221
And, I can only imagine...
1534
01:12:42,324 --> 01:12:43,348
Why are you smiling?
1535
01:12:43,459 --> 01:12:45,120
Why is he smiling?
1536
01:12:45,227 --> 01:12:47,320
He won a hundred bucks off of you.
1537
01:12:47,429 --> 01:12:50,455
I bet Polly you'd spill the beans
to that reporter.
1538
01:12:50,566 --> 01:12:53,034
That goes against everything
that we stand for.
1539
01:12:53,135 --> 01:12:55,399
Oh, please! You've ratted us out
to some reporter with tits!
1540
01:12:55,504 --> 01:12:57,404
Glorious tits.
1541
01:12:57,506 --> 01:12:59,804
Only after you created a betting
pool testing my incompetence?
1542
01:12:59,909 --> 01:13:01,968
Do you have any idea the beating
I'm taking at Moderation?
1543
01:13:02,077 --> 01:13:04,807
Well, look, I'm sure both of
you are under a lot of scrutiny.
1544
01:13:04,914 --> 01:13:07,109
You know what?
You can stop using the plural.
1545
01:13:07,216 --> 01:13:10,413
The guys at Safety actually liked
the name "Merchants of Death."
1546
01:13:10,519 --> 01:13:11,816
They're gonna have
some bumper stickers made up.
1547
01:13:11,921 --> 01:13:13,821
I'll make sure you get one.
1548
01:13:13,923 --> 01:13:15,857
Thank you.
1549
01:13:18,027 --> 01:13:19,858
That is disgusting.
1550
01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:22,959
It's American.
1551
01:13:23,065 --> 01:13:24,623
Can I have a bite?
1552
01:13:24,733 --> 01:13:26,257
Mmm.
1553
01:13:26,368 --> 01:13:28,427
So I guess this means
1554
01:13:28,537 --> 01:13:31,768
you won't be appearing
at Finistirre's subcommittee.
1555
01:13:31,874 --> 01:13:34,104
Hmm. I was kind of looking
forward to it, too.
1556
01:13:34,210 --> 01:13:36,974
It's kind of cool in
a Jimmy Stewart sort of way.
1557
01:13:37,079 --> 01:13:39,604
More like an Ollie North sort of way.
1558
01:13:39,715 --> 01:13:41,945
Finistirre would have
torn you a new asshole
1559
01:13:42,051 --> 01:13:43,575
in a House of Parliament, no less.
1560
01:13:43,686 --> 01:13:44,983
I could have taken him.
1561
01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:46,748
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah? What would you have said?
1562
01:13:46,855 --> 01:13:48,083
I don't know.
1563
01:13:48,190 --> 01:13:51,421
I'd just like him to feel
immeasurable pain,
1564
01:13:51,527 --> 01:13:52,994
humiliation.
1565
01:13:53,095 --> 01:13:54,562
Yeah, well, that would be
kind of tough.
1566
01:13:54,663 --> 01:13:56,028
I mean, he's already a Senator.
1567
01:13:56,131 --> 01:13:57,860
(chuckles)
1568
01:13:57,967 --> 01:14:00,162
I mean, how would you get
back in even if you wanted to?
1569
01:14:04,206 --> 01:14:05,366
Uh-oh.
1570
01:14:11,313 --> 01:14:12,610
You're not gonna like this.
1571
01:14:12,715 --> 01:14:15,616
(reporters clamoring)
1572
01:14:15,718 --> 01:14:16,844
Hello.
Thanks very much for coming.
1573
01:14:16,952 --> 01:14:19,284
First of all, I'd like to say
a few words
1574
01:14:19,388 --> 01:14:20,514
to all the people who
are mentioned
1575
01:14:20,623 --> 01:14:22,682
in the recent newspaper article.
1576
01:14:22,791 --> 01:14:24,281
Please take comfort in knowing
1577
01:14:24,393 --> 01:14:28,159
that I will not rest until
your names are cleared.
1578
01:14:28,264 --> 01:14:30,357
This experience has taught me
an important lesson-
1579
01:14:30,466 --> 01:14:32,263
having sexual affairs
with members of the press
1580
01:14:32,368 --> 01:14:33,858
is just unfair.
1581
01:14:33,969 --> 01:14:35,800
It's not unfair to me, mind you,
1582
01:14:35,904 --> 01:14:39,362
but to all the people in my life
whose only crime is knowing me.
1583
01:14:39,475 --> 01:14:42,672
It was your names, not mine,
that suffered
1584
01:14:42,778 --> 01:14:45,303
from a meaningless affair
with a seductress
1585
01:14:45,414 --> 01:14:48,872
in the form of a young
brunette Washington reporter
1586
01:14:48,984 --> 01:14:50,542
whose name I won't mention
1587
01:14:50,653 --> 01:14:52,587
because I have dignity.
1588
01:14:52,688 --> 01:14:54,383
(reporters clamoring)
1589
01:14:54,490 --> 01:14:55,514
Mr. Naylor!
1590
01:14:55,624 --> 01:14:57,421
Are you still planning
on testifying
1591
01:14:57,526 --> 01:14:59,619
at tomorrow's subcommittee
hearing on tobacco?
1592
01:14:59,728 --> 01:15:01,992
I'm glad you asked that question.
1593
01:15:02,097 --> 01:15:03,860
There have been wide accusations of me
dropping out of tomorrow's hearing.
1594
01:15:03,966 --> 01:15:05,194
Let it be known
1595
01:15:05,301 --> 01:15:07,030
that unless Senator Finistirre
has withdrawn my invitation
1596
01:15:07,136 --> 01:15:08,569
- to speak, it is my plan
- It's called a subpoena.
1597
01:15:08,671 --> 01:15:10,502
to be in Congress tomorrow
to share my knowledge
1598
01:15:10,606 --> 01:15:12,870
of big tobacco and all those
who enjoy its products.
1599
01:15:12,975 --> 01:15:14,237
Thank you very much.
I'll see you tomorrow.
1600
01:15:14,343 --> 01:15:15,935
(all clamoring)
1601
01:15:16,045 --> 01:15:18,013
(TV shuts off)
1602
01:15:18,113 --> 01:15:19,307
(phone rings)
1603
01:15:21,016 --> 01:15:24,247
(cacophony of phones ringing)
1604
01:16:08,897 --> 01:16:11,457
(indistinct, distorted
roaring and shutters clicking)
1605
01:16:13,902 --> 01:16:16,496
Still feel like Jimmy Stewart?
1606
01:16:27,516 --> 01:16:28,505
Good.
1607
01:16:29,818 --> 01:16:32,844
(beeping)
1608
01:16:35,023 --> 01:16:36,490
(electronic squealing)
1609
01:16:36,592 --> 01:16:37,684
Why don't you all go ahead?
1610
01:16:37,793 --> 01:16:39,317
This could be a while.
1611
01:16:42,398 --> 01:16:44,093
(electronic squealing
continues)
1612
01:16:44,199 --> 01:16:49,227
If we could, um... if we could
take our seats, please.
1613
01:16:50,572 --> 01:16:51,869
(clears throat)
1614
01:16:51,974 --> 01:16:54,534
Gentlemen, ladies.
1615
01:16:54,643 --> 01:16:57,373
If I may call this meeting to order.
1616
01:16:57,479 --> 01:17:02,246
We'll do everything we can to
keep things brief and concise
1617
01:17:02,351 --> 01:17:03,875
so that we can all
get out of here on time.
1618
01:17:03,986 --> 01:17:07,478
The skull and crossbones
means one thing:
1619
01:17:07,589 --> 01:17:09,056
Poison.
1620
01:17:09,158 --> 01:17:11,854
Thus, the message is quite clear.
1621
01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:14,121
Like any other product
that carries the branding,
1622
01:17:14,229 --> 01:17:17,460
if you take it, you will die.
1623
01:17:17,566 --> 01:17:20,626
Yes, but isn't this overkill?
1624
01:17:20,736 --> 01:17:24,001
Why don't we just use words,
as we currently do?
1625
01:17:24,106 --> 01:17:27,906
Something that describes the
dangers of cigarette smoking.
1626
01:17:28,010 --> 01:17:29,034
Well, the American public
is not affected
1627
01:17:29,144 --> 01:17:30,611
by masthead anymore.
1628
01:17:30,712 --> 01:17:31,872
They need images.
1629
01:17:31,980 --> 01:17:34,346
We've done studies
which show that consumers react
1630
01:17:34,450 --> 01:17:37,010
up to 80% more to imagery
rather than words.
1631
01:17:37,119 --> 01:17:38,416
The stats are there.
1632
01:17:38,520 --> 01:17:40,317
It's just sad
1633
01:17:40,422 --> 01:17:42,754
that the Academy of Tobacco
Studies did not release
1634
01:17:42,858 --> 01:17:44,257
this type of information earlier.
1635
01:17:44,359 --> 01:17:47,328
When you say
the Academy of Tobacco Studies,
1636
01:17:47,429 --> 01:17:48,760
you're referring to...
1637
01:17:48,864 --> 01:17:49,990
Yes.
1638
01:17:50,098 --> 01:17:51,827
to the coalition...
1639
01:17:51,934 --> 01:17:52,866
Yes, the coalition.
1640
01:17:52,968 --> 01:17:54,560
The big... big tobacco...
1641
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:55,932
...that is represented by...
1642
01:17:56,038 --> 01:17:57,266
By, um...
1643
01:17:57,372 --> 01:17:58,498
And specifically
1644
01:17:58,607 --> 01:17:59,505
Mr...
1645
01:17:59,608 --> 01:18:00,666
Um...
1646
01:18:00,776 --> 01:18:02,368
Mr., uh, Nick Naylor.
1647
01:18:02,478 --> 01:18:03,376
Nick Naylor?
1648
01:18:03,479 --> 01:18:04,446
Thank you very much.
1649
01:18:06,448 --> 01:18:07,346
WITNESS:
The current use
1650
01:18:07,449 --> 01:18:09,076
of words instead of imagery
1651
01:18:09,184 --> 01:18:12,779
is an obvious move against
the non-English-speaking population
1652
01:18:12,888 --> 01:18:14,355
of the United States.
1653
01:18:14,456 --> 01:18:16,583
The skull and crossbones
1654
01:18:16,692 --> 01:18:20,059
speak loudly in all languages.
1655
01:18:20,162 --> 01:18:22,756
By not using it,
they're saying
1656
01:18:22,865 --> 01:18:26,892
they want those who can't
read English to die.
1657
01:18:27,002 --> 01:18:28,765
Hmm. Senor Herrera,
1658
01:18:28,871 --> 01:18:31,704
could you clarify "they"?
1659
01:18:31,807 --> 01:18:33,104
NICK:
Let it be known,
1660
01:18:33,208 --> 01:18:35,676
the public beating
has not gone out of style.
1661
01:18:43,018 --> 01:18:45,179
Nick Naylor, please step forward.
1662
01:18:54,897 --> 01:18:57,525
You go sit with him.
1663
01:19:05,908 --> 01:19:08,900
Please state your name,
address and current occupation.
1664
01:19:09,011 --> 01:19:10,137
My name is Nick Naylor.
1665
01:19:10,245 --> 01:19:12,008
I live at 6000
Massachusetts Avenue
1666
01:19:12,114 --> 01:19:14,014
and I am currently unemployed,
1667
01:19:14,116 --> 01:19:16,243
but until recently,
I was the vice president
1668
01:19:16,351 --> 01:19:17,841
of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
1669
01:19:17,953 --> 01:19:18,851
Mr. Naylor,
1670
01:19:18,954 --> 01:19:22,412
as vice president
of the Academy
1671
01:19:22,524 --> 01:19:24,492
of Tobacco Studies,
what was required of you?
1672
01:19:24,593 --> 01:19:25,821
What did you do?
1673
01:19:25,928 --> 01:19:29,420
I informed the public
of all the research performed
1674
01:19:29,531 --> 01:19:31,522
in the investigation
on the effects of tobacco.
1675
01:19:31,633 --> 01:19:32,759
Mm-hmm,
and what,
1676
01:19:32,868 --> 01:19:35,428
so far,
has the Academy concluded
1677
01:19:35,537 --> 01:19:37,971
in their investigation
into the effects of tobacco?
1678
01:19:38,073 --> 01:19:40,337
Well, many things, actually.
1679
01:19:40,442 --> 01:19:42,205
Why, just the other day
they uncovered evidence
1680
01:19:42,311 --> 01:19:44,142
that smoking can offset
Parkinson's disease.
1681
01:19:44,246 --> 01:19:45,975
(amused buzz)
1682
01:19:46,081 --> 01:19:47,309
I'm sure the health
community
1683
01:19:47,416 --> 01:19:48,542
is thrilled.
1684
01:19:48,650 --> 01:19:51,551
Mr. Naylor, who provides
the financial backing
1685
01:19:51,653 --> 01:19:53,621
for the Academy of Tobacco Studies?
1686
01:19:53,722 --> 01:19:56,987
Uh... Conglomerated Tobacco.
1687
01:19:57,092 --> 01:19:58,787
That's the cigarette companies.
1688
01:19:58,894 --> 01:20:00,953
For the most part, yes.
1689
01:20:01,063 --> 01:20:03,964
Do you think that...
1690
01:20:04,066 --> 01:20:06,034
might affect their priorities?
1691
01:20:06,134 --> 01:20:07,465
No, just as I'm sure
1692
01:20:07,569 --> 01:20:09,400
campaign contributions
don't affect yours.
1693
01:20:09,504 --> 01:20:10,528
Ohh.
1694
01:20:10,639 --> 01:20:12,402
(all laughing)
1695
01:20:12,507 --> 01:20:15,738
Senators, Mr. Naylor is not here
to testify on the goings-on
1696
01:20:15,844 --> 01:20:17,641
of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
1697
01:20:17,746 --> 01:20:19,805
We're here to examine
the possibility
1698
01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:21,314
of a warning logo on cigarettes.
1699
01:20:21,416 --> 01:20:22,383
Now, Mr. Naylor,
1700
01:20:22,484 --> 01:20:24,008
I have to ask you,
out of formality,
1701
01:20:24,119 --> 01:20:26,087
do you believe that smoking
cigarettes, over time,
1702
01:20:26,188 --> 01:20:29,419
can lead to lung cancer and
other respiratory conditions
1703
01:20:29,524 --> 01:20:30,718
such as emphysema?
1704
01:20:32,594 --> 01:20:34,084
Yes.
1705
01:20:36,932 --> 01:20:37,830
In fact, I think you'd be
hard-pressed
1706
01:20:37,933 --> 01:20:39,025
to find someone
who really believes
1707
01:20:39,134 --> 01:20:41,102
that cigarettes are not
potentially harmful.
1708
01:20:41,203 --> 01:20:43,433
I mean, show of hands,
who out here thinks
1709
01:20:43,538 --> 01:20:45,028
- that cigarettes aren't dangerous...
- Mr. Naylor.
1710
01:20:45,140 --> 01:20:48,268
There's no need for theatrics.
1711
01:20:48,377 --> 01:20:50,937
Sir, I just don't see the point in a warning
label for something people already know.
1712
01:20:51,046 --> 01:20:52,343
The warning symbol
1713
01:20:52,447 --> 01:20:56,076
is a reminder, a reminder of the
dangers of smoking cigarettes.
1714
01:20:56,184 --> 01:20:58,015
Well, if we want to remind
people of danger,
1715
01:20:58,120 --> 01:20:59,644
why don't we slap
a skull and crossbones
1716
01:20:59,755 --> 01:21:00,722
on all Boeing airplanes,
1717
01:21:00,822 --> 01:21:02,255
Senator Lothridge?
1718
01:21:02,357 --> 01:21:03,289
And all Fords, Senator Dupree?
1719
01:21:03,392 --> 01:21:05,724
That is ridiculous.
1720
01:21:05,827 --> 01:21:08,125
The death toll from airline
and automobile accidents
1721
01:21:08,230 --> 01:21:10,289
doesn't even skim the surface
of cigarettes.
1722
01:21:10,399 --> 01:21:11,457
They don't even compare.
1723
01:21:11,566 --> 01:21:13,625
Oh, this from a senator
who calls Vermont home.
1724
01:21:13,735 --> 01:21:15,862
I don't follow you, Mr. Naylor.
1725
01:21:15,971 --> 01:21:17,632
Well, the real
1726
01:21:17,739 --> 01:21:20,299
demonstrated number one killer
in America is cholesterol,
1727
01:21:20,409 --> 01:21:21,398
and here comes
Senator Finistirre,
1728
01:21:21,510 --> 01:21:23,740
whose fine state is,
I regret to say,
1729
01:21:23,845 --> 01:21:26,871
clogging the nation's arteries
with Vermont cheddar cheese.
1730
01:21:26,982 --> 01:21:28,415
(audience murmuring)
1731
01:21:28,517 --> 01:21:31,247
If we want to talk numbers,
how about the millions of people
1732
01:21:31,353 --> 01:21:32,320
dying of heart attacks.
1733
01:21:32,421 --> 01:21:33,683
Perhaps Vermont cheddar
1734
01:21:33,789 --> 01:21:36,155
should come
with a skull and crossbones.
1735
01:21:36,258 --> 01:21:38,089
That is lud...
1736
01:21:38,193 --> 01:21:39,160
The great state of Vermont
1737
01:21:39,261 --> 01:21:40,819
will not apologize for its cheese.
1738
01:21:40,929 --> 01:21:41,896
Mr. Naylor,
1739
01:21:41,997 --> 01:21:43,487
we are here to discuss cigarettes.
1740
01:21:43,598 --> 01:21:47,227
Not planes, not cars- cigarettes.
1741
01:21:47,335 --> 01:21:49,997
Now, as we discussed earlier,
these warning labels
1742
01:21:50,105 --> 01:21:53,302
are not for those who know, but
rather for those who don't know.
1743
01:21:53,408 --> 01:21:55,171
(sighs)
1744
01:21:55,277 --> 01:21:57,268
What about the children?
1745
01:21:57,379 --> 01:21:59,404
Gentlemen...
1746
01:21:59,514 --> 01:22:01,448
it's called education.
1747
01:22:01,550 --> 01:22:03,415
It doesn't come off the side
of a cigarette carton.
1748
01:22:03,518 --> 01:22:04,576
It comes from our teachers,
1749
01:22:04,686 --> 01:22:06,745
and more importantly, our parents.
1750
01:22:06,855 --> 01:22:09,983
It is the job
of every parent
1751
01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:13,721
to warn their children of all
the dangers of the world,
1752
01:22:13,829 --> 01:22:16,389
including cigarettes, so that
one day, when they get older,
1753
01:22:16,498 --> 01:22:18,329
they can choose for themselves.
1754
01:22:20,569 --> 01:22:23,732
I look at my... son
1755
01:22:23,839 --> 01:22:25,238
who...
1756
01:22:25,340 --> 01:22:27,171
was kind enough
to come with me today,
1757
01:22:27,275 --> 01:22:29,766
and I can't help but think
1758
01:22:29,878 --> 01:22:32,142
that I am responsible
for his growth
1759
01:22:32,247 --> 01:22:34,374
and his development.
1760
01:22:34,483 --> 01:22:36,007
And I'm proud of that.
1761
01:22:36,118 --> 01:22:37,380
Well, having
said that,
1762
01:22:37,486 --> 01:22:40,046
would you condone him smoking?
1763
01:22:40,155 --> 01:22:42,487
Well, of course not.
He's not 18.
1764
01:22:42,591 --> 01:22:43,649
That would be illegal.
1765
01:22:43,759 --> 01:22:44,817
(chuckling)
1766
01:22:44,926 --> 01:22:47,019
Yes, I-I heard you deliver
that line on 20-20,
1767
01:22:47,129 --> 01:22:48,494
but enough dancing.
1768
01:22:48,597 --> 01:22:50,929
What are you going to do
when he turns 18?
1769
01:22:52,601 --> 01:22:54,159
Come on, Mr. Naylor.
1770
01:22:54,269 --> 01:22:57,830
On his 18th birthday, will
you share a cigarette with him?
1771
01:22:57,939 --> 01:23:00,169
Will you spend
a lovely afternoon,
1772
01:23:00,275 --> 01:23:02,436
like one of your ludicrous
cigarette advertisements?
1773
01:23:02,544 --> 01:23:04,068
You seem to have a lot to say
1774
01:23:04,179 --> 01:23:05,510
about how we
should raise our children.
1775
01:23:05,614 --> 01:23:06,581
What of your own?
1776
01:23:06,681 --> 01:23:09,149
What are you
going to do
1777
01:23:09,251 --> 01:23:11,549
when he turns 18?
1778
01:23:18,160 --> 01:23:21,823
If he really wants a cigarette,
I'll buy him his first pack.
1779
01:23:21,930 --> 01:23:23,454
(audience mutters softly)
1780
01:23:26,568 --> 01:23:29,401
Thank you for your testimony,
Mr. Naylor. You're excused.
1781
01:23:36,244 --> 01:23:37,677
I'll meet you outside, okay?
1782
01:23:50,258 --> 01:23:51,816
Great.
1783
01:23:51,927 --> 01:23:53,053
Well done, my boy.
1784
01:23:53,161 --> 01:23:55,288
Were you in the same room as me?
1785
01:23:55,397 --> 01:23:56,489
The whole personal choice thing?
1786
01:23:56,598 --> 01:23:57,724
They ate that shit up.
1787
01:23:57,833 --> 01:23:59,664
(laughing):
Just checked the whip count.
1788
01:23:59,768 --> 01:24:01,167
That bill is going down in flames.
1789
01:24:01,269 --> 01:24:04,102
Your speech was unorthodox,
but you did it, boy.
1790
01:24:04,206 --> 01:24:05,104
You crushed the fucker.
1791
01:24:05,207 --> 01:24:06,333
That's good news for you guys.
1792
01:24:06,441 --> 01:24:07,840
Oh. Whoa, whoa.
1793
01:24:07,943 --> 01:24:10,844
We're still a team, right?
1794
01:24:10,946 --> 01:24:12,914
What about damage control?
1795
01:24:14,416 --> 01:24:15,781
Look, Nick.
1796
01:24:15,884 --> 01:24:19,479
Winston-Salem is ready
to do whatever it takes
1797
01:24:19,588 --> 01:24:21,112
to keep you onboard.
1798
01:24:25,560 --> 01:24:29,257
(crowd clamoring)
1799
01:24:29,364 --> 01:24:32,424
Nick, will you continue
fighting for cigarettes?
1800
01:24:32,534 --> 01:24:33,865
Of course he will.
1801
01:24:33,969 --> 01:24:35,937
This man here is our general.
1802
01:24:36,037 --> 01:24:37,800
We're not just gonna let him retire.
1803
01:24:37,906 --> 01:24:38,930
REPORTER:
Is that correct, Nick?
1804
01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:40,530
You're sticking with tobacco?
1805
01:24:44,579 --> 01:24:48,071
NICK: Now, I know what
you're probably thinking.
1806
01:24:48,183 --> 01:24:49,343
What a great opportunity for me
1807
01:24:49,451 --> 01:24:51,043
to teach Joey
how to use leverage against
1808
01:24:51,152 --> 01:24:52,744
a backstabbing boss.
1809
01:24:52,854 --> 01:24:56,290
But I actually meant what
I said about responsibility.
1810
01:24:56,391 --> 01:25:00,020
Some things
are just more important
1811
01:25:00,128 --> 01:25:01,288
than paying a mortgage.
1812
01:25:01,396 --> 01:25:03,990
So I did the only responsible
thing I could.
1813
01:25:04,099 --> 01:25:06,863
I turned down the job.
1814
01:25:06,968 --> 01:25:09,300
And my timing
couldn't have been better.
1815
01:25:09,404 --> 01:25:11,702
Within a few months,
the cigarette companies
1816
01:25:11,806 --> 01:25:13,205
settled
with the American smoker
1817
01:25:13,308 --> 01:25:15,970
to the tune of $246 billion.
1818
01:25:17,145 --> 01:25:19,477
And the Academy
of Tobacco Studies
1819
01:25:19,581 --> 01:25:21,344
was permanently dismantled.
1820
01:25:21,449 --> 01:25:23,747
For the first time in decades,
1821
01:25:23,852 --> 01:25:25,547
BR found himself out of work.
1822
01:25:27,322 --> 01:25:29,415
Otherwise, not much has changed.
1823
01:25:29,524 --> 01:25:31,685
The MOD squad still meets every week.
1824
01:25:31,793 --> 01:25:33,090
Nice.
1825
01:25:33,194 --> 01:25:35,458
We even added a few new members.
1826
01:25:35,563 --> 01:25:38,361
The things I could learn
from you, BobbyJay.
1827
01:25:38,466 --> 01:25:39,455
POLLY: Right.
1828
01:25:39,567 --> 01:25:41,000
BOBBYJAY:
Stick around. Stick around.
1829
01:25:41,102 --> 01:25:43,832
Senator Finistirre is still
fighting for his causes.
1830
01:25:43,939 --> 01:25:45,702
What do you say
to the people who claim
1831
01:25:45,807 --> 01:25:47,741
you are destroying cinema classics?
1832
01:25:47,842 --> 01:25:49,469
Mmm, no. All
we're doing
1833
01:25:49,577 --> 01:25:51,238
is using
digital technology
1834
01:25:51,346 --> 01:25:54,509
to tastefully update
movies of the past...
1835
01:25:54,616 --> 01:25:56,174
by removing cigarettes.
1836
01:25:56,284 --> 01:25:59,515
I believe that if these
stars were alive today,
1837
01:25:59,621 --> 01:26:02,055
they would agree that
we're doing the right thing.
1838
01:26:02,157 --> 01:26:03,886
But, in essence, aren't
you changing history?
1839
01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:07,928
No, I think we're improving history.
1840
01:26:09,798 --> 01:26:11,129
Even Heather is still reporting.
1841
01:26:11,232 --> 01:26:12,597
The whole town has been evacuated.
1842
01:26:12,701 --> 01:26:18,003
They're calling this
the storm of the century.
1843
01:26:18,106 --> 01:26:19,437
Not much changes at all.
1844
01:26:19,541 --> 01:26:24,240
And this year's Foggy Bottom
Debating Society Champion is...
1845
01:26:24,346 --> 01:26:25,335
Joey Naylor.
1846
01:26:25,447 --> 01:26:26,607
- Yay!
- Yay!
1847
01:26:26,715 --> 01:26:27,613
NICK: Joey!
1848
01:26:27,716 --> 01:26:28,614
POLLY: Joey!
1849
01:26:28,717 --> 01:26:29,615
NICK: Joey, Joey!
1850
01:26:29,718 --> 01:26:31,242
That's my boy.
1851
01:26:31,353 --> 01:26:32,911
Hold it up. Hold it up.
1852
01:26:33,021 --> 01:26:34,852
(Polly whooping)
1853
01:26:36,558 --> 01:26:38,583
And me?
1854
01:26:38,693 --> 01:26:41,389
Well, there's still a place
for guys like me.
1855
01:26:41,496 --> 01:26:44,124
So, be straight with me.
1856
01:26:44,232 --> 01:26:46,962
Is it true?
1857
01:26:47,068 --> 01:26:48,467
- It could be.
- Come on.
1858
01:26:48,570 --> 01:26:50,663
We know of very few cases.
1859
01:26:50,772 --> 01:26:51,898
There's no scientific proof at all.
1860
01:26:52,007 --> 01:26:52,905
There was an unfortunate
incident out in Iowa...
1861
01:26:53,008 --> 01:26:53,975
It's really a complicated situation.
1862
01:26:54,075 --> 01:26:55,269
NICK:
Gentlemen,
1863
01:26:55,377 --> 01:26:57,971
practice these words
in front of the mirror.
1864
01:26:58,079 --> 01:27:01,048
"Although we are constantly
exploring the subject,
1865
01:27:01,149 --> 01:27:03,845
"currently,
there is no direct evidence
1866
01:27:03,952 --> 01:27:05,351
"that links cell phone usage
1867
01:27:05,453 --> 01:27:07,318
to brain cancer."
1868
01:27:08,356 --> 01:27:11,416
(relieved sigh)
1869
01:27:13,828 --> 01:27:15,625
Michael Jordan plays ball.
1870
01:27:15,730 --> 01:27:17,288
Charles Manson kills people.
1871
01:27:17,399 --> 01:27:18,866
I talk.
1872
01:27:20,535 --> 01:27:21,661
Everyone has a talent.
1873
01:27:21,770 --> 01:27:25,365
(men singing folk)
1874
01:27:58,573 --> 01:28:01,201
(man singing folk)
1875
01:28:16,191 --> 01:28:20,389
(men singing folk)
1876
01:28:35,543 --> 01:28:38,444
(man singing folk)
1877
01:28:53,228 --> 01:28:57,096
(men singing folk)
1878
01:29:11,846 --> 01:29:15,373
(man singing folk)
1879
01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:37,001
(men singing folk)
1880
01:29:53,521 --> 01:29:56,718
(singing ends)