1 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,256 Cut his ass. 2 00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,676 Let's go! 3 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:59,016 Heads up! That's it, that's it! 4 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,105 That's it! 5 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:11,403 - Hey, coach, how you been? - Lynn Swann. 6 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:14,740 Now why ain't I surprised to see you snoopin' around 7 00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,950 my football field first day of practice? 8 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:19,078 You got a good-lookin' football team. 9 00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:22,790 Maybe good enough to add another trophy to the old case downstairs. 10 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,459 Kinda like my old man told me one time, Lynn. 11 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:30,506 "The only thing better than a crawfish dinner is five crawfish dinners." 12 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,557 Hey, here comes the shithead. 13 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,540 It's clean. 14 00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:07,543 It's cold. 15 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,337 Now that's what I call high-quality H20. 16 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,383 Right in the head! 17 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,386 It's over there! 18 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:26,395 Any unused magic in that legendary green playbook of yours, Red? 19 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:32,276 I may have a couple squirreled away in there for... 20 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,819 ...a rainy day. 21 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,088 See what we got here. 22 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:01,763 Not exactly what I'd call constructive criticism. 23 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,185 Smell like you could use a shower, stinky. 24 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,855 Listen, you could think what you want about my personal hygiene, 25 00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,899 but, please, don't waste any water. 26 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:15,861 That's bad policy. If you need to amuse yourself at my expense, 27 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,697 just rough me up or something. 28 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,616 Fair enough. 29 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,037 Hey, waterboy! 30 00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,289 Seriously, I could injure myself. 31 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,709 Laski, get over here! 32 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,337 Yes, sir, coach. 33 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,505 What is that moron doin' here? 34 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:39,635 Didn't I tell you as plain as I could speak to get rid of his ass last year? 35 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:43,347 I didn't think you were serious. Besides, he does a greatjob. 36 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:46,475 Disrupting my football team, you idiot! 37 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:50,062 Eighteen years of this is enough! 38 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,314 Hey, waterboy! 39 00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:56,318 - Yes, Mr. Coach Beaulieu. - You're fired! 40 00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,821 OK. 41 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,830 Get out of the way, you moron! 42 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:39,945 Bobby Boucher, come give your mama a kiss. 43 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,655 Hi, Steve. 44 00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:47,953 Why you home so early, my precious angel? 45 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:51,623 Mama, somethin' bad happened today. 46 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:55,544 Somebody hurt you, my boy? Who hurt you? You tell Mama who hurt you. 47 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,921 Nobody, Mama. It's just that 48 00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,633 I lost my position as the team's water distribution engineer. 49 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:05,470 Why, that's the best news I heard in a dog's age. 50 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,557 Now you be able to spend your days at home where you belong. 51 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:12,227 Yes, but... I was... 52 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,563 I was thinkin', Mama, maybe I could... 53 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:18,650 I could try to get another waterboy job for a different team. 54 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,111 Don't raise your voice to me, Bobby Boucher. 55 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:24,197 I wasn't raising my voice, Mama. 56 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,950 I don't like confrontation 'cause I'm a Virgo. 57 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,037 Who told you you was a Virgo? 58 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,999 Vicki Vallencourt, that... that girl. 59 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:38,170 A girl? Bobby Boucher! 60 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:41,173 Don't you remember what your mama told you about girls? 61 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,383 I remember, Mama. 62 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,680 There was someone else at Lawson's Creek this morning. 63 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,475 - Really? - We looked for crawfish together. 64 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:54,686 - Her name's Vicki. - I don't ever want you associatin' 65 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,813 - with little girls. - Why not, Mama? 66 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,649 Because little girls are the devil! 67 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,361 Mama, it's just that I'm a waterboy. 68 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:05,072 The team gets thirsty, and I bring them the water. 69 00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:07,949 They need water. I likes to be the one that brings it. 70 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:11,203 They like to give you a boot in the patoot for your trouble. 71 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:16,500 Bobby, you don't have what they call "the social skills." 72 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,210 People don't understand you. 73 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,713 That's why you never have any friends, except for your mama. 74 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,591 All I know is this, Jimmy: Next Friday, August 29th, 75 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,426 Baton Rouge Exposition Center, 76 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,929 I'm gonna open a can of whoop-ass on Herculon. 77 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:34,351 I'm gonna drive him back into whatever galaxy he came from. That's a promise! 78 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:38,271 Strong words from a strong man, Captain Insano. 79 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:43,360 Now let's take a call. It's our old friend from Jackson's Bayou, Mr. B. 80 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:48,240 Hello, Jim. Is it possible to speak to Captain Insano? 81 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,409 - Shoot, Mr. B. - Captain Insano, 82 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:53,578 I notice sometimes when you are wrestling 83 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:56,498 or openin' up a can ofwhoop-ass, as you like to say, 84 00:06:56,582 --> 00:07:00,001 - you seem to be sweating profusely. - Yeah? 85 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:04,089 I was wondering if, perhaps, you might need the services 86 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:06,258 of an experienced waterboy. 87 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:11,680 That's pretty cute. How old are you, kid? Eleven, 12? 88 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,640 I am 31 years old. 89 00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:26,611 I guarantee that guy's still a virgin. 90 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:19,039 This is where they strip the ball from us. 91 00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:21,708 And then we miss one tackle. 92 00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:25,962 Two tackles. Joey drops the ball. 93 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:29,341 He has time to pick it up and dust it off and run in for a touchdown 94 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:32,385 before our guys even know what's goin' on. 95 00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,437 - Hello? - My name is Bobby Boucher. 96 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:46,525 I am inquiring as to whether you have the need for an experienced waterboy 97 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,693 on your upcoming season. 98 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:51,279 Nice suit. 99 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,949 Thank you. It was my daddy's. 100 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,159 - Hold that thought. - Yeah. 101 00:08:57,578 --> 00:09:00,372 Come on. Come here. Come here. Come on. 102 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:04,709 Come on, everybody. All right, this is it. This is the play. 103 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,879 This is the play. This is the play. OK? 104 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:11,466 The quarterback. Receivers lined up to the left, one to the right. 105 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:15,011 There's a flanker lined up to the left behind the quarterback. 106 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,264 He gives the ball... No, he doesn't. 107 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,474 The receiver goes over to the left. 108 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,727 Once the quarterback has the ball, 109 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,814 he fakes to the left. No. 110 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,525 He fakes to the right. He doesn't fake. 111 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:33,280 He thinks about faking. He pretends to fake. 112 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,742 I don't know where I am. 113 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,578 I can't breathe. 114 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:43,582 This room is getting smaller. I have to sit down. 115 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,251 Hang on here. Take some water. 116 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,302 All right, there. 117 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:05,604 This is good. This is much better than what I serve. 118 00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:09,983 That is the water that you serve to your players? 119 00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:14,613 It is imperative that you allow me to be your waterboy. 120 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:19,451 I can't hire you. I can't hire anybody. We're the... 121 00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:21,911 You do not have to pay me. I will do it for free. 122 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:25,582 Promise me that you will never distribute the contents of thatjug 123 00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:28,710 - to any human person. - That's a deal. 124 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,378 It's a deal? 125 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:35,759 Thank you so much, Coach Klein. I will not let you down. 126 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:37,302 - Good day. - Good day. 127 00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:40,221 I'll see you at practice. 128 00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:06,247 Quit hoggin' that. Pass it over. 129 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,183 OK. 130 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:28,269 Just have the defense run sprints. 131 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:51,543 Yo! Water's better cold. 132 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:56,381 Yes, I agree. But to guarantee that the H20 is purified, 133 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,217 it's good to use the heating source, Sterno. 134 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:03,138 It's like my mama always says, "Better safe than sorry." 135 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,019 My mama says that too. Aren't all mamas the same? 136 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,563 - Yes. - Derek. 137 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:15,024 - I kick the field goals around here. - Will you listen up? 138 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:18,236 I need your cooperation. I need it now. 139 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:22,073 - Is he gonna be all right? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 140 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,409 He has his good days and his bad days. 141 00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,911 Used to be assistant coach at some big school, 142 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,039 but he had a mental breakdown or something. Don't worry. 143 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:33,126 He'll snap out of it. Let me know when it cools down, baby. 144 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,378 - Yes. - All right. 145 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:43,052 Hey, did you all get a load of the new waterboy? 146 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,849 Let's make him feel right at home. Jerry, go right. 147 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:51,770 Casey, go left. Way left. 148 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:54,230 - On one. Ready? - Break! 149 00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,196 Set! 150 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,572 Red 22! 151 00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:05,241 Red, 22! 152 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:06,367 Hut! 153 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:22,592 I think you zigged when you should've zagged on that play. 154 00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:26,930 - Sorry. - Hey, waterboy, check this out. 155 00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:50,036 Hey, waterboy! Check this out. 156 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,880 Well, my, my, my. Was my little aquatic engineer 157 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,174 about to bash one of my football players? 158 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,844 Well, he spit in the cooler. 159 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:09,347 He happens to be a finely tuned athletic machine. 160 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:13,518 And I ain't gonna have him hit in the head by some idiot waterboy. 161 00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:17,730 Do you understand me? 162 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:20,316 - Are you all right? - I wasn't gonna do nothin'. 163 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:23,361 You better do something. You gotta defend yourself. 164 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:26,781 But they're finely-tuned athletic machines. 165 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,492 I am not telling you to go on a shooting rampage. 166 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:33,371 But you have to stand up for yourself or they'll ride you all season long. 167 00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:36,457 Believe me, I've seen it myself. 168 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:49,512 Hey, moron! 169 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:54,809 Look at me. I'm the waterboy. 170 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:59,689 I got a wooden spoon. 171 00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:04,694 Smell like you could use a shower, stinky. 172 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,156 You're fired! 173 00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,246 Stop makin' fun of me. 174 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,500 Red, ready! Hut! 175 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:25,465 - Wow! - Damn! 176 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:31,095 I'm sorry. 177 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,060 Who that? Who there? 178 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,566 So that's what openin' up a can ofwhoop-ass feels like. 179 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:47,528 Son, you just opened a whole case ofwhoop-ass. 180 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:51,282 I would be honored if you play football for this team. 181 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:55,370 - Me? Play football? - Yes. 182 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:59,123 Thanks, but no thanks. My mama won't let me play no football. 183 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:02,627 We're gonna go home. You and l, we're gonna talk to Mama. 184 00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:05,546 Mama said... Mama said... Mama said... Mama said... 185 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:09,175 - My mama said... - She's gonna say yes. 186 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,482 That snake looks delicious. 187 00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:28,152 What part do you think I'm about to eat? 188 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:31,572 Basically, a snake don't have parts. 189 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,659 But, if I had to call it anything, 190 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:37,745 I would say it's his knee. 191 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:41,082 Great. His knee. 192 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,752 And what are we having for dessert? 193 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,216 Squirrel. 194 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,762 Excellent. 195 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:58,182 Let's talk about Bobby playing football. 196 00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:01,352 I don't like it, Mr. Coach Klein. I don't like it one bit. 197 00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:04,230 My boy is too delicate to be playin' foosball, 198 00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:06,357 or whatever, with them gargantuans. 199 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,693 I don't think you understand... 200 00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:11,571 No, you don't understand me, Mr. Coach Klein. 201 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:13,823 My boy is all I got left. 202 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,452 Mama, here. 203 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,495 It's the brain pain, coach. 204 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:22,999 You see, my husband Robert, 205 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:26,544 one day back in 1966, pick up sticks, 206 00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:30,381 and me four months pregnant with this precious angel, 207 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,884 he decides he wants to help foreign peoples. 208 00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:37,180 He's gonna go join the Peace Corps. He promise me everything's gonna be OK. 209 00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,058 Just like you promisin' me now. 210 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:43,144 But everything wasn't OK. No. 211 00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:46,814 He got lost in the middle of the Sahara Desert. 212 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,984 And he died. He died! 213 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,821 Couldn't get no water. He died of the dehydration. 214 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:57,408 - And we were left all alone. - I would've gotten my daddy water, 215 00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,036 but I was just a baby inside Mama's stomach. 216 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,164 Now you wanna take away the only part of Robert I have left. 217 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:07,543 But don't you want the only part you've got left to get a college education? 218 00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:12,090 - Nah. - Me, a college student? 219 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:17,136 Yes. Bobby, think about it. A whole new world will open to you. 220 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:20,890 Boy, Mama, that sounds nice. Me, a college man. 221 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,767 Coach, my Bobby's a sweet boy, 222 00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:25,728 but he ain't what you'd call college material. 223 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,439 So don't fill his head with all those crazy dreams 224 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:31,442 of school and college and things of that sort. 225 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:34,946 But Mama, I'm tired of everybody callin' me a dummy. 226 00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,448 I'm tired of not havin' any friends. 227 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,701 My ass is tired ofjawin' all night. I'm goin' to bed. 228 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:44,872 Nice to meet you, Mr. Coach. Good luck with your foosball. 229 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:48,126 Bobby, after you let Mr. Coach out, you come into my bedroom. 230 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,044 Mama'll brush your hair. 231 00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:59,053 When I was your age, my mother told me not to get a tattoo of Roy Orbison. 232 00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:08,855 But what Mama don't know won't hurt her. 233 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,736 I trust you'll make the right decision. 234 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:32,253 Damn, I don't want that ass on the team. 235 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,255 Everybody's gonna laugh at us. 236 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:39,218 Everybody's already laughin' at us. We ain't won a game since 1994. 237 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,806 - Hey! What's up, baby? - Hey. 238 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,433 Where's your helmet? 239 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,019 Derek, they don't got no more helmets. 240 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:51,022 Here. You can share mine. 241 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:53,608 Try it on, man. See if it fits. 242 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:59,488 - All right. - Thanks, friend. 243 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,658 What a dink. 244 00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,328 Come on! Huddle up! 245 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,750 We have an announcement to make. Our former waterboy, Bobby Boucher, 246 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:13,961 is gonna play some linebacker for us. 247 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:17,298 "I'm a football player." 248 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:22,386 - Coach, I'd like to tackle him now. - Not yet. 249 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:25,806 All right. I wanna work with offense. I wanna work with defense. 250 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:29,143 - Go with Farmer Fran, do some laps. - Shit. 251 00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:37,068 Line up on the ball. 252 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:43,950 - All right? Third and ten. - Third and ten? 253 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:49,747 Yeah, that's the offense's last opportunity 254 00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:52,250 to gain ten yards before they have to punt. 255 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:55,753 - Gee, he's gonna run the option. - Option? 256 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:58,589 He ain't never gonna be able to figure this out. 257 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:01,592 Yes, he is. 258 00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:05,137 Now, Bobby, you've waterboyed for 18 years. 259 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,431 Didn't you occasionally watch the game? 260 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:10,726 I had a lot to keep me busy. 261 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:14,105 Checking the pH levels, refillin' the cups. 262 00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:16,274 All right. Let's just keep it simple. 263 00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:21,946 Casey. I want you to tackle Casey like you did Gee yesterday. 264 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,949 - Right now? - Right now! Go! 265 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:28,286 - Does he know about this? - Doesn't matter. You're a warrior. 266 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:29,870 Go. 267 00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:38,129 What you doin'? 268 00:21:40,048 --> 00:21:42,800 All right. Bobby, Bobby. 269 00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:45,469 Don't be afraid to use all of your strength. 270 00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:49,807 He's resilient. He's a resilient guy. OK? Come on. 271 00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:52,643 Hey, Casey, I think he wanna make out with you. 272 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:54,979 OK, that's enough. Thank you. 273 00:21:55,063 --> 00:21:59,275 Is there any sport that you do watch? You know, a physical sport? 274 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,610 - Boxing? Hockey? - Wrestling. 275 00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:05,906 Wrestling! Wrestling is good. Who's your favorite wrestler? 276 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:09,368 Even though he was slightly discourteous to me recently, 277 00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:11,454 I'm gonna have to say Captain Insano. 278 00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:15,416 OK, I want you to do to Casey 279 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:20,546 what Captain Insano does to the bad guy. Go. 280 00:22:29,931 --> 00:22:33,517 - He poked me in the eye. - Captain Insano shows no mercy. 281 00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:38,606 Bobby, where was the intensity that I saw yesterday? 282 00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:41,525 No intensity. You said it was all right to fight back, 283 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:44,195 and I just started thinkin' about all the people 284 00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:46,822 who'd been mean to me over the years. 285 00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,325 That's it. That's it. 286 00:22:49,409 --> 00:22:51,952 I want you to think about all those mean people. 287 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:56,540 - They're gonna be your tackling fuel. - Tacklin' fuel. 288 00:22:56,625 --> 00:23:00,544 - We're gonna use them to play football. - Tacklin' fuel. 289 00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:05,883 I want you to pretend that Casey is insulting you. 290 00:23:05,967 --> 00:23:09,595 - Pretend? - I want you to visualize 291 00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:12,848 people that have been mean to you and then attack. 292 00:23:12,933 --> 00:23:16,102 I want you to visualize and then attack. Can you handle that? 293 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:18,979 - I'll try. - He's gonna try. 294 00:23:29,157 --> 00:23:31,951 What's the matter with you, boy? You too stupid 295 00:23:32,035 --> 00:23:33,702 to do what your coach tells ya? 296 00:23:36,331 --> 00:23:38,999 - No! - No what? 297 00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:48,843 I didn't mean to hurt you. Coach told me to pretend. 298 00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:51,178 Bobby. Bobby! 299 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:54,306 Can you do this for me every single game? Can you do this? 300 00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:58,936 Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... 301 00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:00,229 Yes, I'll do it for ya. 302 00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:09,280 So why you pick this class anyway? It's pretty hard. 303 00:24:09,364 --> 00:24:10,739 Beautiful view. 304 00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:18,038 - Correct. - All right, all right! 305 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:19,790 Y'all shut up now! 306 00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:24,211 Now, last week, we talked about 307 00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:29,633 the physiology of the animal brain as it pertains to aggression. 308 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:33,304 Now is there anyone here that can tell me why 309 00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:36,307 most alligators are abnormally aggressive? 310 00:24:36,391 --> 00:24:39,727 - I know the answer to this question. - Raise your hand. 311 00:24:39,811 --> 00:24:42,271 Anybody? Anyone? 312 00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:44,899 Yes, sir. You, sir. 313 00:24:46,401 --> 00:24:48,944 Mama says that alligators are ornery 314 00:24:49,029 --> 00:24:51,655 'cause they got all them teeth but no toothbrush. 315 00:24:55,535 --> 00:24:58,787 Your mama said alligators are ornery 316 00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:03,125 'cause they got all them teeth and no toothbrush. 317 00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:07,838 Wow! Anybody else? Yes, sir. You, sir. 318 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:11,675 Alligators are aggressive because of an enlarged medulla oblongata. 319 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,346 - It controls aggressive behavior. - That is correct! 320 00:25:15,430 --> 00:25:17,848 - The medulla oblongata. - But Mama said... 321 00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:20,851 The medulla oblongata... 322 00:25:22,395 --> 00:25:26,232 ...is where anger, jealousy and aggression come from. 323 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:29,443 Now is there anybody here 324 00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:31,987 can tell me where happiness comes from? 325 00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:35,199 - No, man. - Anyone? 326 00:25:37,118 --> 00:25:41,622 All right, let's hear what Mama has to say on the subject. 327 00:25:41,706 --> 00:25:45,292 Mama say that happiness is from magic rays of sunshine 328 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:47,419 that come down when you feelin' blue. 329 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:53,842 Well, folks, Mama's wrong again. 330 00:25:55,095 --> 00:25:58,806 No, Colonel Sanders, you're wrong. Mama's right. 331 00:26:00,308 --> 00:26:03,644 You're all wrong. Mama's right. Mama's right! 332 00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:06,939 Somethin' wrong with his medulla oblongata. 333 00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:16,740 It's OK to fight back. Coach Klein said I could. 334 00:26:16,825 --> 00:26:19,368 Mr. Coach Klein said I could. It's fine, fellas. 335 00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,706 Well, Mud Dog fans, it's time to kick off 336 00:26:23,790 --> 00:26:28,085 another year of Mud Dog football. With the weight of a 40-game 337 00:26:28,169 --> 00:26:31,714 losing streak on their back, everyone seems to be diggin' in 338 00:26:31,798 --> 00:26:33,841 for the long haul. 339 00:26:52,193 --> 00:26:55,029 - What you doin', Bobby? - Oh, Lord, that's some 340 00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:59,158 heavy-duty armpit saturation. An early warning sign of the dehydration. 341 00:26:59,242 --> 00:27:02,119 - You gots to have H20. - Stop worryin' about water 342 00:27:02,203 --> 00:27:05,122 and start worryin' about the game today. Here. 343 00:27:05,206 --> 00:27:10,961 Nowjust do whatever you did to Colonel Sanders, and you'll be fine. 344 00:27:11,046 --> 00:27:15,299 I will, thank you. I just... I feel bad about lyin' to my mama. 345 00:27:15,383 --> 00:27:17,760 I wonder what she's doin' right now. 346 00:27:24,225 --> 00:27:26,810 And he's down with a three-yard kickoff return. 347 00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:29,855 - The Mud Dogs offense takes the field. - OK, you can do it. 348 00:27:29,939 --> 00:27:32,232 Gain some yards. Put points on the board. 349 00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:34,777 Hey, Walter, I'll bet you 50 bucks 350 00:27:34,861 --> 00:27:38,781 Gee Grenouille throws a touchdown pass on the first play. Check it out. 351 00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:41,492 Set, blue 22, hut! 352 00:27:50,377 --> 00:27:52,169 You owe me 50 bucks! 353 00:27:52,253 --> 00:27:55,798 You said it was gonna be a touchdown pass, you crazy asshole. 354 00:27:55,882 --> 00:28:00,177 Go, go, go, go! Hold 'em, hold 'em! You can do it. Come on. 355 00:28:00,261 --> 00:28:03,180 Bobby, this is just like we practiced, OK? 356 00:28:03,264 --> 00:28:04,598 OK, go, go, go. Come on. 357 00:28:07,727 --> 00:28:10,187 Watch where you're going, needle dick. 358 00:28:18,947 --> 00:28:20,447 Set! 359 00:28:21,783 --> 00:28:25,911 Time for the retard to find out what college football's all about. 360 00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:29,873 390! 361 00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:31,709 Check, check! 362 00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:35,921 - Red, 18! - Red, 18! 363 00:28:36,005 --> 00:28:39,216 Needle dick! Needle dick! Needle dick! 364 00:28:43,304 --> 00:28:47,307 - Yeah! - Your name is needle dick. 365 00:28:48,518 --> 00:28:50,394 I knew that this was a good idea. 366 00:29:03,491 --> 00:29:04,700 Yes! 367 00:29:07,996 --> 00:29:11,206 - Timeout from the game. - What's he calling timeout for? 368 00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:16,920 - What are you doin'? - Here, this is for you. Enjoy. 369 00:29:17,005 --> 00:29:20,883 - Hey, waterboy, you're fired! - Stop it! 370 00:29:28,016 --> 00:29:29,975 Yes! Bobby! 371 00:29:34,689 --> 00:29:37,149 - Yeah, man! Yeah! - Yeah, yeah! 372 00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:41,236 - Slap hands! - Whatever. 373 00:29:44,824 --> 00:29:47,409 Waterboy's killin' 'em. 374 00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:50,954 He's the best tackler I've seen since Joe Montana. 375 00:29:51,039 --> 00:29:54,291 Joe Montana was a quarterback, you idiot. 376 00:29:54,375 --> 00:29:56,168 I said Joe Mantegna. 377 00:29:57,712 --> 00:30:01,131 We're tied at seven with 30 seconds to go in the fourth quarter. 378 00:30:01,216 --> 00:30:03,675 Eagle cover two. Ready? 379 00:30:07,305 --> 00:30:09,431 Best of luck to you on the upcoming play. 380 00:30:09,516 --> 00:30:13,393 I'll be playin' with your mama tonight. 381 00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:17,314 - Sixty-two. - Blue 22, hut! 382 00:30:17,398 --> 00:30:20,859 Bernard drops back. Looks like a screen pass. 383 00:30:21,528 --> 00:30:24,780 Sixty-two! Sixty-two! There you are! 384 00:30:26,157 --> 00:30:27,157 Thank you. 385 00:30:27,242 --> 00:30:30,327 Number 62 is headed for the end zone. 386 00:30:30,411 --> 00:30:33,789 He's at the 40, 30. He's almost... 387 00:30:35,416 --> 00:30:37,501 Touchdown! Reds lead. 388 00:30:39,254 --> 00:30:42,005 Dropkicked him. Boucher knocked him out cold. 389 00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:45,634 I love my mama very much. Now you know that. 390 00:30:49,389 --> 00:30:53,684 The waterboy handed them the game. What an idiot. 391 00:30:53,768 --> 00:30:55,769 Waterboy, you stink! 392 00:30:58,314 --> 00:31:01,650 Nice job, shithead. You just lost us the game. 393 00:31:01,734 --> 00:31:05,779 I'm sorry. Would you please still be my friend? 394 00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:09,741 - No! Get away from me. - OK. 395 00:31:16,332 --> 00:31:18,083 Excuse me? May I help you? 396 00:31:20,253 --> 00:31:23,213 - Hey, stud. - Vicki Vallencourt, this is... 397 00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:27,551 - This is quite a pleasant surprise. - Yeah, I just got out ofjail 398 00:31:27,635 --> 00:31:31,638 - and I heard you were playin' football. - Yes, well, I've... 399 00:31:37,937 --> 00:31:39,438 Yes. 400 00:31:44,485 --> 00:31:49,114 So what say we go and get somethin' to eat, catch up on things. 401 00:31:49,198 --> 00:31:52,910 Mama's not a big fan of restaurants 402 00:31:52,994 --> 00:31:54,870 or of me going to one. 403 00:31:56,122 --> 00:31:59,708 But if you'd like, sometimes, 404 00:31:59,792 --> 00:32:03,045 Mama, she... she got... on a Sunday afternoon... 405 00:32:03,129 --> 00:32:07,758 There's a grill with the charcoal biscuits. 406 00:32:07,842 --> 00:32:10,260 - You want me to come to a barbecue? - That's it. 407 00:32:10,345 --> 00:32:11,887 Sounds great. 408 00:32:14,849 --> 00:32:18,560 And by the way, I hope you like what I did to your lawn mower. 409 00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:32,950 You know that old hag that does astrology on Good Morning America, 410 00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:36,703 she ought to pack it in. Listen what she said for Sagittarius: 411 00:32:36,788 --> 00:32:39,998 "You're gonna be faced with a difficult decision today." 412 00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:43,752 But the thing is, we're all faced with difficult decisions every day. 413 00:32:43,836 --> 00:32:47,798 - Like sayin' you're gonna eat today. - Maybe by leaving her predictions 414 00:32:47,882 --> 00:32:49,257 vague and generalized, 415 00:32:49,342 --> 00:32:53,136 there's less of a chance of someone findin' out she's a phony. 416 00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:55,806 - Whatever, college boy. - Don't say college boy. 417 00:32:55,890 --> 00:32:57,724 - Here comes Mama. - OK. 418 00:33:02,772 --> 00:33:04,398 That looks nice, Mama. 419 00:33:06,567 --> 00:33:08,986 - Here you go, Vicki Vallencourt. - Thank you. 420 00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:12,155 Mama, Vicki's an astrologist. 421 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,866 I don't believe in that sort of thing, personally. 422 00:33:14,951 --> 00:33:18,078 Astronomy is one of the many tools of the devil. 423 00:33:20,790 --> 00:33:23,500 You sure played great yesterday, Bobby. 424 00:33:23,584 --> 00:33:25,252 What did my boy play great? 425 00:33:27,755 --> 00:33:32,009 Waterboy. Yeah, waterboy. He played... He played waterboy great. 426 00:33:32,093 --> 00:33:35,804 Everybody who was thirsty got a drink right away, 427 00:33:35,888 --> 00:33:38,181 yesterday at the... at the football game. 428 00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:41,977 Foosball! Bunch of overgrown monsters manhandling each other. 429 00:33:42,061 --> 00:33:44,521 Remember when that man wanted you to play? 430 00:33:44,605 --> 00:33:48,734 Yeah, I... He... Roy Orbison... 431 00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:51,361 Coach Klein. I remember. 432 00:33:51,446 --> 00:33:55,073 So, Bobby, did they ever catch that gorilla what escaped from the zoo 433 00:33:55,158 --> 00:33:58,410 - and punched you in the eye? - No, Mama, he... 434 00:33:58,494 --> 00:34:00,454 The search continues. 435 00:34:03,791 --> 00:34:08,295 What would you think if Bobby did play football, Mrs. Boucher? 436 00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:11,256 Well, I wouldn't think much of it at all. 437 00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:14,051 And to tell you the truth, I don't think much of you 438 00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:17,179 and all your snotty questions, Miss Vallencourt. 439 00:34:17,263 --> 00:34:20,474 I'm disturbed to see that you're so interested in my boy. 440 00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:24,728 I'm very, very interested in your boy, Mrs. Boucher. 441 00:34:24,812 --> 00:34:28,899 Really? Well, did he tell you about how much his feet smell? 442 00:34:28,983 --> 00:34:31,693 - Mama. - He has to wear two pair of socks. 443 00:34:31,778 --> 00:34:34,905 Well, men are supposed to have stinky feet. 444 00:34:34,989 --> 00:34:38,408 Are men supposed to wear pajamas featuring a cartoon character 445 00:34:38,493 --> 00:34:41,578 - by the name of Deputy Dawg? - Mama, please. 446 00:34:41,662 --> 00:34:45,248 Well, you know what? I happen to find Deputy Dawg 447 00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:49,544 to be very, very sexy. 448 00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:52,339 Did he tell you about his little bedtime problem? 449 00:34:52,423 --> 00:34:56,426 - Mama, I'm beggin' you, don't. - That's his sheet back there. 450 00:34:58,179 --> 00:35:01,098 If you'll excuse me, ladies, I'm gonna go hang myself. 451 00:35:01,182 --> 00:35:03,683 - Now you see what you done? - What I did? 452 00:35:03,768 --> 00:35:07,395 You listen here, cupcake. The only woman in my boy's life is me. 453 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:11,608 Nobody's gonna take him away, especially not some godless Jezebel like you. 454 00:35:11,692 --> 00:35:15,612 Oh, yeah? Well, your Bobby is a grown man. And guess what? 455 00:35:15,696 --> 00:35:19,282 - He can hang out with whoever he wants! - He can. Whoever he wants. 456 00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:23,829 'Cept you! Bobby, that woman is the devil. 457 00:35:23,913 --> 00:35:26,289 - I want you to stay away from her. - Yes, Mama. 458 00:35:26,374 --> 00:35:30,544 You come on inside before that little ol' witch casts a spell on us! 459 00:35:33,881 --> 00:35:36,133 I'm sorry, Vicki Vallencourt. 460 00:35:42,056 --> 00:35:43,807 Whatever. 461 00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:55,861 When we report on the SCLSU Mud Dogs here on SportsCenter, 462 00:35:55,945 --> 00:35:58,613 it's to add a number to their losing streak, 463 00:35:58,698 --> 00:36:03,618 which now stands at 41 . But now, Bobby Boucher has given us another reason. 464 00:36:03,703 --> 00:36:06,246 In the Mud Dog's latest loss this past Saturday, 465 00:36:06,330 --> 00:36:09,291 the amazing 31-year-old freshman set a new NCAA record 466 00:36:09,375 --> 00:36:14,004 by sacking the quarterback 16 times, shattering the old record of seven. 467 00:36:14,088 --> 00:36:17,549 And, oh, by the way, Bobby Boucher is also the team's waterboy, 468 00:36:17,633 --> 00:36:19,676 which, of course, begs the question: 469 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:24,097 What exactly are they putting in the water in Jackson's Bayou, Louisiana? 470 00:36:35,443 --> 00:36:38,695 We're deadlocked at three with less than a minute to go. 471 00:36:38,779 --> 00:36:41,489 We are one family with one dream. 472 00:36:41,574 --> 00:36:45,577 There are 40 of you on this team, not one. Bobby can't do this by himself. 473 00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:49,956 Get out and make something happen! Sacrifice your bodies. Go, go, go! 474 00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:54,502 Thank you. Bobby, you're gonna have to do this by yourself 475 00:36:54,587 --> 00:36:56,755 because nobody on this team is any good. 476 00:36:56,839 --> 00:37:01,134 Look, I can't stand losing anymore. We've got to win one game. 477 00:37:01,219 --> 00:37:04,512 Go out there and make something happen. Visualize and attack. 478 00:37:04,597 --> 00:37:07,891 - Visualize and attack. Please! Please! - Yes, yes, yes, yes. 479 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:12,229 Central Kentucky's down to their third string quarterback. 480 00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:16,691 Good ne ws, folks. Quarterback Tommy Gardner does not have a broken neck. 481 00:37:16,776 --> 00:37:20,403 Blue 52! Blue 52! Hut! 482 00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:23,531 I forbid you to talk to that enchantress. She's the devil! 483 00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:27,494 She's not the devil. She's the most beautiful woman in the world. 484 00:37:27,578 --> 00:37:31,248 - I never said she was the devil. - Most beautiful woman in the world! 485 00:37:31,332 --> 00:37:32,916 Please, don't hurt me! 486 00:37:35,419 --> 00:37:37,545 Follow the... Come on! 487 00:37:38,506 --> 00:37:40,507 You crazy man! OK, OK, OK! 488 00:37:41,842 --> 00:37:44,177 It's a safety! They win, they win, they win! 489 00:37:44,262 --> 00:37:47,430 With the help of Boucher, the losing streak is over! 490 00:37:47,515 --> 00:37:50,558 I'm so sorry, Mama. Please forgive me. 491 00:37:50,643 --> 00:37:54,020 I love you so much, Mama. I love you. 492 00:37:55,398 --> 00:37:58,316 - I love you too. - We won! We won, baby! 493 00:37:58,401 --> 00:38:00,443 It's gonna be a big party and you going! 494 00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:05,782 - Me? Party? - Yeah, baby! 495 00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:08,952 Bobby! Bobby! Bobby! 496 00:38:19,380 --> 00:38:21,965 Hey. Nice suit. 497 00:38:22,049 --> 00:38:24,634 Thank you. It was my daddy's. 498 00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:28,513 Mama don't know I'm here, but I took these outta the icebox: 499 00:38:28,597 --> 00:38:32,100 - Louisiana frog cakes. - Thanks. 500 00:38:32,184 --> 00:38:35,895 - Come on in. - Hey, Bobby Boucher! 501 00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:38,648 Look who's here, Sergeant Stutter. 502 00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:39,983 Want a beer? 503 00:38:40,067 --> 00:38:42,485 I'll take a Scotch and water. Hold the Scotch. 504 00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:45,989 - You just make a joke, Bobby? - Yes, I did. 505 00:38:46,073 --> 00:38:48,074 Good one. 506 00:38:49,201 --> 00:38:53,788 Now that you finally won a game, right, you feel looser, the pressure is off. 507 00:38:53,873 --> 00:38:56,499 And that will lead to a lot more victories. 508 00:38:56,584 --> 00:38:59,461 Yeah, that and the waterboy getting 20 sacks a game. 509 00:38:59,545 --> 00:39:00,795 That too. 510 00:39:02,715 --> 00:39:04,841 Professor! 511 00:39:04,925 --> 00:39:07,761 Havin' that test on amphibians and reptiles Friday? 512 00:39:07,845 --> 00:39:10,138 Yes, sir. 513 00:39:10,222 --> 00:39:12,766 That is, if it's all right with you. 514 00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:17,270 - Of course it is. - My best regards to your dear mama. 515 00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:20,607 Let's talk to the waterboy. 516 00:39:20,691 --> 00:39:22,859 You played amazing at the game today. 517 00:39:22,943 --> 00:39:26,946 And you are so cute. Is there a girl you're seein'? 518 00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:29,532 Seein'? 519 00:39:29,617 --> 00:39:32,035 I see a lot of girls. 520 00:39:32,119 --> 00:39:34,371 I see a lot of guys too. 521 00:39:34,455 --> 00:39:36,956 I think that's sexy. 522 00:39:37,041 --> 00:39:39,542 Ever been with a guy and a girl at the same time? 523 00:39:39,627 --> 00:39:42,379 Oh, yeah, plenty of times. The other night, 524 00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:45,173 I was with my mama and Coach Klein at the same time. 525 00:39:47,009 --> 00:39:50,845 You are a bad boy. I wish you were my boyfriend. 526 00:39:50,930 --> 00:39:55,642 Oh, thank you, but, see, there's this girl, Vicki Vallencourt. 527 00:39:55,726 --> 00:39:58,686 She may be the devil. Mama said that. Consequently, 528 00:39:58,771 --> 00:40:01,106 I am prohibited from contact with her. 529 00:40:01,190 --> 00:40:05,276 But I hope to get past that one day 'cause she's nice to talk to. 530 00:40:59,206 --> 00:41:01,541 Yo, we have a very special guest here today. 531 00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:06,421 Let's have a warm L.T. welcome for Bobby Boucher. Come on, Bobby. 532 00:41:06,505 --> 00:41:10,091 - Thank you, Mr. Lawrence Taylor. - Tell me, what is your secret? 533 00:41:10,176 --> 00:41:12,635 How do you find yourself in the right position? 534 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:14,762 That's a good question. 535 00:41:14,847 --> 00:41:18,933 What happens is the center has the ball first. 536 00:41:19,018 --> 00:41:21,019 And the quarterback will say, "Hike." 537 00:41:21,103 --> 00:41:24,814 That's when the center puts the ball in the hands of the quarterback. 538 00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:27,984 So, what I do is I start tacklin' the quarterback, 539 00:41:28,068 --> 00:41:30,987 unless he give the ball to somebody else, in which case, 540 00:41:31,071 --> 00:41:32,739 I try to tackle that person. 541 00:41:37,203 --> 00:41:41,581 Gentleman, which brings me to my next point: don't smoke crack. 542 00:41:51,258 --> 00:41:53,134 Vicki Vallencourt. 543 00:41:54,595 --> 00:41:55,678 What you doin' here? 544 00:41:55,763 --> 00:41:57,680 Oh, nothin'. 545 00:41:57,765 --> 00:42:02,101 I was just thinkin' about stealin' L.T.'s Porsche over there. 546 00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:04,187 But I suppose I ought to be movin' on 547 00:42:04,271 --> 00:42:06,523 before I get you in trouble with your mama. 548 00:42:06,607 --> 00:42:11,486 Well, Mr. Coach Klein said that what Mama don't know won't hurt her. 549 00:42:11,570 --> 00:42:16,366 So maybe we could ride home together. 550 00:42:16,450 --> 00:42:20,203 - Really? - If you'd like to. 551 00:42:21,789 --> 00:42:22,997 OK. 552 00:43:02,538 --> 00:43:04,747 Come sit down, if you'd like. 553 00:43:07,835 --> 00:43:09,836 Vicki Vallencourt, I figured, 554 00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:14,090 'cause you're interested in astrology and mystical stuff like that, 555 00:43:14,174 --> 00:43:16,342 you might appreciate this. 556 00:43:18,137 --> 00:43:21,431 That's water from a glacier in Alaska. 557 00:43:21,515 --> 00:43:26,102 It was blessed by an Eskimo medicine man. 558 00:43:26,186 --> 00:43:29,439 - It's cold! - Yes, it's always cold. 559 00:43:29,523 --> 00:43:31,941 That's why it's so special. 560 00:43:47,666 --> 00:43:50,960 That was... That... That happened... 561 00:43:51,045 --> 00:43:55,089 That happened to be my first time with lips 562 00:43:55,174 --> 00:43:59,052 and... and... and... the tongue. 563 00:43:59,136 --> 00:44:03,306 That was your tongue. I... I believe it was. 564 00:44:03,390 --> 00:44:05,141 I never did that before. 565 00:44:05,225 --> 00:44:07,393 If that was your first kiss, 566 00:44:07,478 --> 00:44:10,730 then I bet it's the first time you've seen a pair of these. 567 00:44:13,901 --> 00:44:17,654 Yes, yes, that is another first for me, 568 00:44:17,738 --> 00:44:21,741 and I appreciate what... what you're showin' me right now. 569 00:44:25,245 --> 00:44:27,747 Vicki Vallencourt, I think Mama's up. 570 00:44:30,376 --> 00:44:33,419 Devil, devil, devil. 571 00:44:34,963 --> 00:44:36,255 You better get goin'. 572 00:44:38,550 --> 00:44:42,679 My God, Bobby. I mean, sometimes, I just don't know why I bother with you. 573 00:44:42,763 --> 00:44:44,389 You ain't even a man. 574 00:44:48,519 --> 00:44:52,021 It looks like the Cinderella S.C.L.S.U. Mud Dogs, 575 00:44:52,106 --> 00:44:56,484 led by linebacker Bobby Boucher, are gonna fall one victory short 576 00:44:56,568 --> 00:44:59,529 of that Bourbon Bowl bid. Iowa could win the game 577 00:44:59,613 --> 00:45:03,116 - by nailing this 20-yard field goal. - But the Mud Dogs have played 578 00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:08,871 a sensational football game. Look at the way Boucher entered the Hawkeyes' drive. 579 00:45:08,956 --> 00:45:12,500 Here we see Boucher instantly penetrating the pocket. 580 00:45:15,045 --> 00:45:18,131 There's a lot of pain and shame in those eyes. 581 00:45:18,215 --> 00:45:19,966 Friends, it's all over. 582 00:45:20,050 --> 00:45:23,553 - My leg! - Wow, that is a disturbing image. 583 00:45:23,637 --> 00:45:26,055 Difficult to watch, Chris. 584 00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:29,100 Mud Dogs! 585 00:45:29,184 --> 00:45:32,478 Gonna kick some names and take some ass! 586 00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:35,440 Bobby! 587 00:45:36,358 --> 00:45:39,318 Water sucks. Gatorade is better. 588 00:45:39,403 --> 00:45:42,238 - What? - Use it on the field. 589 00:45:42,322 --> 00:45:45,491 Waterboy, Waterboy, Waterboy! 590 00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:58,129 Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too, idiot. 591 00:45:58,213 --> 00:46:00,548 You're drinkin' the wrong water. 592 00:46:00,632 --> 00:46:04,594 - Gatorade. - H20. 593 00:46:04,678 --> 00:46:09,098 - Gatorade! - H20! 594 00:46:09,183 --> 00:46:11,976 Water sucks It really, really sucks 595 00:46:12,060 --> 00:46:13,603 Water sucks 596 00:46:13,687 --> 00:46:17,023 Stop saying that. You don't mean that. You're bad people. 597 00:46:37,294 --> 00:46:41,589 And my friend, Chris, the Mud Dogs are goin' to the Bourbon Bowl. 598 00:46:44,134 --> 00:46:47,220 With yesterday's come-from-behind victory, the Mud Dogs 599 00:46:47,304 --> 00:46:50,556 earned a Ne w Year's Day date with Red Beaulieu and the Cougars 600 00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:53,601 in the first Bourbon Bowl. But not only has the waterboy 601 00:46:53,685 --> 00:46:56,979 changed S.C.L.S.U.'s fortunes, he's got other teams looking 602 00:46:57,064 --> 00:47:01,484 around the sidelines for talent. In fact, Michigan, devastated by injury, 603 00:47:01,568 --> 00:47:04,862 experimented with their towel boy at wide receiver. 604 00:47:06,073 --> 00:47:09,242 But the towel boy ran into a laundry list of problems. 605 00:47:31,348 --> 00:47:34,016 You know, when I see so many of you here tonight, 606 00:47:34,101 --> 00:47:39,355 it reminds me just about how special this season really was. 607 00:47:39,439 --> 00:47:43,860 Notjust for the team. Notjust for the students. 608 00:47:43,944 --> 00:47:47,071 But for each and every one of you 609 00:47:47,155 --> 00:47:50,575 in our small corner of Louisiana! 610 00:47:53,412 --> 00:47:54,871 You can do it! 611 00:47:54,955 --> 00:47:59,125 Oh, yes, we can, and, yes, we will. 612 00:47:59,209 --> 00:48:02,211 Because we've got a young man 613 00:48:02,296 --> 00:48:05,631 who has been so vital to our success. 614 00:48:05,716 --> 00:48:08,676 A wonderful student-athlete. 615 00:48:10,554 --> 00:48:13,347 And a wonderful friend. 616 00:48:13,432 --> 00:48:16,392 Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Boucher! 617 00:48:21,982 --> 00:48:26,527 - Waterboy, number one! - You can do it! 618 00:48:33,327 --> 00:48:37,246 Thank you so much for bein' my friends. 619 00:48:39,625 --> 00:48:41,334 You can do it! 620 00:48:42,878 --> 00:48:44,921 I'd also like to take this opportunity 621 00:48:45,005 --> 00:48:48,215 to tell you that my mama don't know how I play football. 622 00:48:48,300 --> 00:48:51,427 So if you could not tell my mama I play football, 623 00:48:51,511 --> 00:48:52,929 that would be for the best. 624 00:49:11,490 --> 00:49:16,285 We must be a little lost. We're tryin' to get to the Bourbon Bowl. 625 00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:19,538 Looks like we ended up in Retardville, USA. 626 00:49:22,834 --> 00:49:26,879 Hey, waterboy, you fixin' to tackle all of us? 627 00:49:28,548 --> 00:49:32,551 - Kick his water-lovin' ass, Greg. - I asked you a question, dumbass. 628 00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:38,140 You even exhale, and I will saw your head off. 629 00:49:38,225 --> 00:49:41,268 You can do it! Cut his fucking head off! 630 00:49:43,188 --> 00:49:46,816 Hold it, hold it. Just a minute. Now what is the problem here, honey? 631 00:49:46,900 --> 00:49:50,403 I mean, whatever it is, we don't want this to get physical. 632 00:49:50,487 --> 00:49:52,405 Right, Klein? 633 00:49:52,489 --> 00:49:55,908 Your team actin' like a bunch of shitheads. 634 00:49:55,993 --> 00:49:59,996 Not how ambassadors for the University of Louisiana are supposed to act. 635 00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,540 So now you just get back on the bus. 636 00:50:05,877 --> 00:50:10,006 However, assault with a deadly weapon, 637 00:50:10,090 --> 00:50:12,299 very, very serious offense. 638 00:50:12,384 --> 00:50:16,762 Officer, get her little country ass outta here. 639 00:50:18,598 --> 00:50:21,183 - Thank you, Vicki. - Let's go. 640 00:50:25,063 --> 00:50:27,898 It's the waterboy. 641 00:50:27,983 --> 00:50:29,358 I got something for you. 642 00:50:29,443 --> 00:50:34,196 This is his transcript from South Lafayette High School 643 00:50:34,281 --> 00:50:36,532 in Cherokee Plains, Louisiana. 644 00:50:36,616 --> 00:50:39,201 Now the problem with that 645 00:50:39,286 --> 00:50:44,206 is there ain't no South Lafayette High School in Cherokee Plains, Louisiana. 646 00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:47,293 So obviously, this is a fake! 647 00:50:48,587 --> 00:50:52,882 However, this is not a fake. 648 00:50:52,966 --> 00:50:55,342 This is from the NCAA. 649 00:50:55,427 --> 00:50:58,054 They don't think you ought to play football. 650 00:50:59,639 --> 00:51:02,224 So allow me to say this to you one more time: 651 00:51:02,309 --> 00:51:04,226 You're fired. 652 00:51:04,311 --> 00:51:07,354 Oh, no! We suck again! 653 00:51:07,439 --> 00:51:09,231 Ever see a championship ring? 654 00:51:10,817 --> 00:51:13,360 Don't be messin' with the champ. Come on, Laski. 655 00:51:13,445 --> 00:51:16,405 - You didn't go to high school? - I was home-schooled. 656 00:51:16,490 --> 00:51:19,325 - I didn't know I needed... - Forged a fake transcript. 657 00:51:19,409 --> 00:51:23,329 - No, I didn't. - The waterboy's a cheater! 658 00:51:23,413 --> 00:51:25,206 Cut his head off! 659 00:51:25,290 --> 00:51:29,085 Listen, everybody! This don't change nothin'! 660 00:51:29,169 --> 00:51:32,379 We played as a team, we won as a team. 661 00:51:32,464 --> 00:51:34,590 Just because the waterboy's a cheater 662 00:51:34,674 --> 00:51:37,510 don't change the fact that the real Mud Dogs 663 00:51:37,594 --> 00:51:40,096 are gonna kick some Cougar ass. 664 00:51:40,180 --> 00:51:42,431 Mud Dogs! Mud Dogs! 665 00:51:42,516 --> 00:51:47,061 Mud Dogs! Mud Dogs! Mud Dogs! Mud Dogs! 666 00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:57,279 Let's do it! 667 00:52:04,037 --> 00:52:05,579 Sorry, Bobby. 668 00:52:14,005 --> 00:52:17,007 Believe me, I understand. 669 00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:19,677 Yeah, and you're deeply appreciated, Mr. Dodd. 670 00:52:19,761 --> 00:52:22,721 Thank you so much. Bye-bye. 671 00:52:24,307 --> 00:52:27,810 Good news. The NCAA is gonna allow you to play in the Bourbon Bowl. 672 00:52:27,894 --> 00:52:29,645 - Yes. - You have to pass 673 00:52:29,729 --> 00:52:34,692 - the high school equivalency test. - It's not the test, coach. 674 00:52:34,776 --> 00:52:37,945 Everybody... hates me. 675 00:52:39,823 --> 00:52:41,657 That's not true. 676 00:52:41,741 --> 00:52:44,910 One man said he wanted to decapitate me. 677 00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:48,831 Nobody else thought that to be too bad of an idea. 678 00:52:51,835 --> 00:52:54,003 Somebody made me look like a cheater. 679 00:52:54,087 --> 00:52:57,673 I did it. I did it. I did it! I did it! I did it! 680 00:52:57,757 --> 00:53:01,635 - It was me. - Why? 681 00:53:05,390 --> 00:53:10,269 Because I wanted you to play. Because you were my way out, Bobby. 682 00:53:10,353 --> 00:53:13,522 It was the only way to get you in. 683 00:53:13,607 --> 00:53:15,274 I am so sorry. 684 00:53:16,193 --> 00:53:19,028 Why didn't you stick up for me down by the river? 685 00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:26,118 The truth is... I fled. 686 00:53:26,203 --> 00:53:28,954 I came into my office, I went under my desk, I cried. 687 00:53:29,039 --> 00:53:31,957 I cried. I cried like a ten-year-old girl! 688 00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:41,091 Red and I have a history. 689 00:53:41,176 --> 00:53:44,178 Twenty years ago, we were assistants to Coach Cavanaugh 690 00:53:44,262 --> 00:53:48,515 at the University of Louisiana. Red ran the practices 691 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,769 and I used to come up with the plays. 692 00:53:51,853 --> 00:53:55,147 Oh, boy, was I good. 693 00:53:56,233 --> 00:54:01,153 I would write these foolproof plays in my little green notebook that I had. 694 00:54:01,238 --> 00:54:03,906 The opposition didn't even know what hit 'em. 695 00:54:03,990 --> 00:54:07,034 And when Coach Cavanaugh was going to retire, me and Red, 696 00:54:07,118 --> 00:54:09,954 we knew that one of us was gonna be his successor. 697 00:54:13,375 --> 00:54:15,668 - Hey, Red. - How ya doin'? 698 00:54:17,545 --> 00:54:21,090 - Come by to wish me luck? - Well, not exactly, no, no. 699 00:54:21,174 --> 00:54:25,344 Actually, I come by to get you to do ol' Red a little favor. 700 00:54:25,428 --> 00:54:29,265 - Sure. What's up? - Well, you know that green notebook 701 00:54:29,349 --> 00:54:31,684 you use to write all them football plays in? 702 00:54:31,768 --> 00:54:36,021 Well, I need to show Cavanaugh that I can come up with some good play ideas. 703 00:54:36,106 --> 00:54:38,190 But you didn't come up with them. 704 00:54:39,109 --> 00:54:42,444 They're my plays. I need them. 705 00:54:42,529 --> 00:54:48,117 Klein, I'm gonna have this book, one way or another. 706 00:54:48,201 --> 00:54:51,078 You might as well let the thing go, 'cause if you don't, 707 00:54:51,162 --> 00:54:53,956 it's gonna get awfully, awfully physical here. 708 00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:56,542 And I don't think you want that, do you? 709 00:55:02,048 --> 00:55:05,801 Of course, Red got the job. Next day, fired me. 710 00:55:05,885 --> 00:55:08,137 Once he had my notebook, he didn't need me. 711 00:55:11,099 --> 00:55:12,558 I didn't take it very well. 712 00:55:12,642 --> 00:55:16,061 No, Grandma, I didn't get it. 713 00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:18,605 I can't believe it myself. 714 00:55:18,690 --> 00:55:22,568 I know. I'm so numb. 715 00:55:23,903 --> 00:55:26,196 I just hate him, I hate him, I hate him. 716 00:55:28,074 --> 00:55:30,409 That is a terrible story, coach. 717 00:55:30,493 --> 00:55:33,120 But why don't you just come up with some new plays? 718 00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:35,581 - I tried. I can't. - Yes. 719 00:55:35,665 --> 00:55:38,334 I guess I have a mental block ever since 720 00:55:38,418 --> 00:55:41,170 Red took my playbook and my manhood. 721 00:55:41,254 --> 00:55:44,381 I knew what he was gonna do! 722 00:55:45,216 --> 00:55:47,843 And I just didn't fight back. 723 00:55:47,927 --> 00:55:51,764 Well, you're gonna show him that you're a man on Saturday. 724 00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:58,187 I'm gonna show everybody that I'm not a dummy. I'm gonna go study. 725 00:56:03,818 --> 00:56:08,447 Mama, maybe you could stop brushin' my hair so I can read. 726 00:56:08,531 --> 00:56:12,701 Read? You don't have to read. 727 00:56:15,538 --> 00:56:19,333 - What you readin' for? - 'Cause I enjoys it, Mama. 728 00:56:19,417 --> 00:56:23,003 Don't look like to me you enjoys it, sittin' there all grouchy. 729 00:56:23,088 --> 00:56:26,507 Mama, I gotta read this book and six other books tonight, 730 00:56:26,591 --> 00:56:28,717 or else I can't play foot... 731 00:56:32,972 --> 00:56:34,807 - ...ball. - Foosball? 732 00:56:34,891 --> 00:56:37,893 You playin' the foosball behind my back? 733 00:56:37,977 --> 00:56:40,562 The reason I'm doin' this so I can go to school. 734 00:56:40,647 --> 00:56:44,024 School?! You goin' to school?! 735 00:56:45,276 --> 00:56:47,736 Sorry, Mama. I wanted to tell you. 736 00:56:47,821 --> 00:56:52,157 You off gallivantin' with your fancy foosball friends at school, 737 00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:56,245 while I'm sittin' here all day with nobody to keep me company 738 00:56:56,329 --> 00:56:59,248 except Steve? 739 00:56:59,332 --> 00:57:01,583 The chickens are comin' home to roost. 740 00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:04,670 You reap the fruit of your selfish ways. 741 00:57:04,754 --> 00:57:07,589 You're gonna lose all your fancy foosball games 742 00:57:07,674 --> 00:57:10,926 and you're gonna fail your big exam, because school is... 743 00:57:11,010 --> 00:57:12,928 The devil? 744 00:57:13,012 --> 00:57:16,223 Everything is the devil to you, Mama! 745 00:57:16,307 --> 00:57:19,935 Well, I like school and I like football! 746 00:57:20,019 --> 00:57:23,856 And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good! 747 00:57:25,316 --> 00:57:28,235 And by the way, Mama, alligators are ornery 748 00:57:28,319 --> 00:57:30,404 because of their medulla oblongata! 749 00:57:36,369 --> 00:57:39,413 And I like Vicki, and she likes me back! 750 00:57:39,497 --> 00:57:42,249 And she showed me her boobies, and I liked them too! 751 00:57:56,764 --> 00:58:00,184 The Louisiana High School Equivalency Examination 752 00:58:00,268 --> 00:58:03,896 consists of 300 multiple choice questions. 753 00:58:03,980 --> 00:58:07,191 You have three hours. Good luck to you, sir. 754 00:58:39,265 --> 00:58:42,142 Ben Franklin. 755 00:58:43,770 --> 00:58:46,772 Mama, when did Ben Franklin invent electricity? 756 00:58:46,856 --> 00:58:49,775 That's nonsense! I invented electricity. 757 00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:52,945 Ben Franklin is the devil! 758 00:59:03,623 --> 00:59:06,500 I can't believe you got a 97! 759 00:59:06,584 --> 00:59:10,629 I can't believe I told Mama that I got feelings for you. 760 00:59:10,713 --> 00:59:14,967 Well, welcome to your manhood, Bobby Boucher. 761 00:59:15,051 --> 00:59:18,095 When we get a little more time, I'll welcome you properly. 762 00:59:18,179 --> 00:59:21,306 Yes, once again, I'm not quite sure what that means, but... 763 00:59:21,391 --> 00:59:24,560 We should get goin'. I told Coach I'd drive to the game with him. 764 00:59:28,439 --> 00:59:32,150 I was with you from two to four last night. You tell them. 765 00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:38,240 Bobby, your mama got sick this mornin'. She's in the hospital. 766 00:59:40,493 --> 00:59:43,203 Mama, what have I done? 767 00:59:43,288 --> 00:59:44,997 I'm so sorry, Mama. 768 00:59:48,334 --> 00:59:52,087 Doctors say they can't figure out what's wrong with her. 769 00:59:53,339 --> 00:59:55,340 But I know what's wrong. 770 00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:57,593 She got a broken heart because of me. 771 00:59:57,677 --> 00:59:59,761 Bobby, that's ridiculous. 772 00:59:59,846 --> 01:00:03,890 Everybody else in this town turn on me at the drop of a hat. 773 01:00:04,976 --> 01:00:09,271 Mama is the only one who really cares if I live or die. 774 01:00:09,355 --> 01:00:13,567 She my whole world. Will you just leave us alone? 775 01:00:15,028 --> 01:00:17,904 She'll be fine, Bobby. We better get going. 776 01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:21,116 God knows what the team is doing with Farmer Fran watching. 777 01:00:44,724 --> 01:00:47,059 You really made it look like home. 778 01:00:55,234 --> 01:00:56,276 How's that, Steve? 779 01:01:14,921 --> 01:01:18,507 Take a look. The crowd has never been bigger. Know why? 780 01:01:18,591 --> 01:01:23,136 Look who's on the television, Mama. The devil. 781 01:01:23,221 --> 01:01:25,806 ...500,000 intimate friends... 782 01:01:36,651 --> 01:01:38,610 Who that? Who there? 783 01:01:51,290 --> 01:01:54,543 Three, two, one! 784 01:01:54,627 --> 01:01:57,754 - Happy New Year! - Happy New Year, Mama. 785 01:01:59,590 --> 01:02:03,802 My resolution is to never hurt you again. 786 01:02:09,142 --> 01:02:17,983 Waterboy! Waterboy! 787 01:02:47,346 --> 01:02:51,391 Bobby Boucher, all these folks are here tonight 788 01:02:51,476 --> 01:02:53,560 to tell you that they're sorry, 789 01:02:53,644 --> 01:02:58,440 that they're sorry for not supportin' you when it meant the most. 790 01:02:58,524 --> 01:03:03,945 But you do have friends, and one of 'em wants to say somethin'. Come on. 791 01:03:08,159 --> 01:03:12,287 I am not what you would call a handsome man. 792 01:03:12,371 --> 01:03:15,123 The good Lord chose not to bless me 793 01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:19,461 with charm, athletic ability 794 01:03:19,545 --> 01:03:21,922 or a fully functional brain. 795 01:03:23,341 --> 01:03:27,427 You see, you're an inspiration 796 01:03:27,512 --> 01:03:31,139 to all of us who weren't born handsome 797 01:03:31,224 --> 01:03:36,978 and charming and cool and... 798 01:03:39,774 --> 01:03:44,820 - I can't! I can't! - It's OK. 799 01:03:44,904 --> 01:03:49,574 Bobby, if your mama could only hear us right now, we would tell her 800 01:03:49,659 --> 01:03:52,661 what a fine boy she raised, 801 01:03:52,745 --> 01:03:56,832 and how much your playing football means to this town. 802 01:03:56,916 --> 01:04:01,461 But she can't hear you 'cause she's unconscious. 803 01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:08,760 I'm sorry to disappoint you all, but please keep your voices down 804 01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:11,596 so my mama can get her rest. 805 01:04:20,147 --> 01:04:23,441 Well, wake her ass up! We gotta win tomorrow! 806 01:04:45,631 --> 01:04:50,135 Mama! Thank God you're OK. I'm so sorry. 807 01:04:50,219 --> 01:04:52,679 I was so bad. You were right about everything. 808 01:04:52,763 --> 01:04:55,015 - I've been a knucklehead. - Hush, baby. 809 01:04:55,099 --> 01:04:59,603 You should've seen this a long time ago. 810 01:04:59,687 --> 01:05:03,231 - Oh, my word! Is that my daddy? - No, no. 811 01:05:03,316 --> 01:05:06,484 That's a guy I dated before I met your father. 812 01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:09,321 You could iron a shirt on his stomach. 813 01:05:09,405 --> 01:05:13,074 Well, that was lust, not love. Turn the page. 814 01:05:16,412 --> 01:05:18,496 There's your daddy. 815 01:05:18,581 --> 01:05:20,707 So handsome. 816 01:05:21,792 --> 01:05:23,043 Read on. 817 01:05:25,004 --> 01:05:27,714 "Dear Helen." Who's Helen? 818 01:05:29,675 --> 01:05:31,760 That's my first name, Bobby. 819 01:05:36,140 --> 01:05:38,433 "I have arrived here in New Orleans. 820 01:05:38,517 --> 01:05:41,603 It is even more beautiful than in the picture book. 821 01:05:41,687 --> 01:05:44,439 I'm sure I'll have no problem finding work, 822 01:05:44,523 --> 01:05:48,610 so you can expect my next letter to contain lots of money. 823 01:05:48,694 --> 01:05:52,781 Your loving husband, Robert." That's nice, Mama. 824 01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:57,202 "Dear Helen." That's you. 825 01:05:57,286 --> 01:06:00,538 "I found a job as a lemonade vendor, 826 01:06:00,623 --> 01:06:02,666 but sorry, no money yet. 827 01:06:02,750 --> 01:06:05,418 New Orleans is an expensive city. 828 01:06:05,503 --> 01:06:10,590 Expensive, but fun. Hope all is well. Robert." 829 01:06:12,009 --> 01:06:14,469 "To Whom It May Concern: 830 01:06:14,553 --> 01:06:17,263 This will be my last letter. 831 01:06:17,348 --> 01:06:20,809 We have grown apart over these last six weeks. 832 01:06:20,893 --> 01:06:25,105 I now have two loves in my life: 833 01:06:25,189 --> 01:06:29,651 Big-city livin' and a voodoo woman named Phyllis. 834 01:06:29,735 --> 01:06:32,737 Ciao, Roberto." 835 01:06:32,822 --> 01:06:36,324 He changed his name to Roberto. 836 01:06:36,409 --> 01:06:38,827 I guess he thought it was more exotic. 837 01:06:38,911 --> 01:06:41,830 But Mama says that... I mean, you say that... 838 01:06:41,914 --> 01:06:46,584 Bobby, your daddy didn't go into no Peace Corps. 839 01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:50,005 He deserted us, baby. 840 01:06:52,258 --> 01:06:56,636 No, no, Mama. You shouldn't be dredgin' up painful memories in your condition. 841 01:06:56,721 --> 01:06:59,347 Hush. Your mama's as healthy as an ox, 842 01:06:59,432 --> 01:07:01,766 and as dumb as one to boot. 843 01:07:01,851 --> 01:07:04,602 I was so scared you'd abandon me too. 844 01:07:04,687 --> 01:07:09,941 And I made you abandon all those people who depend on ya. 845 01:07:10,026 --> 01:07:12,861 I hid you away from the world, Bobby Boucher. 846 01:07:12,945 --> 01:07:16,531 But I can't hog you to myself no more, 847 01:07:16,615 --> 01:07:19,701 because everyone's seen how wonderful you are. 848 01:07:21,078 --> 01:07:22,620 Oh, Mama! 849 01:07:24,248 --> 01:07:25,790 Now... 850 01:07:28,002 --> 01:07:31,212 You go play foosball with your friends. 851 01:07:31,297 --> 01:07:34,299 Welcome to ABC's coverage of the Bourbon Bowl. 852 01:07:34,383 --> 01:07:37,844 Good afternoon. I'm Brent Musburger with my colleague Dan Fouts. 853 01:07:37,928 --> 01:07:41,389 The big story here is a game that's lost some of its luster 854 01:07:41,474 --> 01:07:45,393 without its star player, the waterboy, Bobby Boucher. 855 01:07:45,478 --> 01:07:48,313 Red's got a couple of solid early rounders out there. 856 01:07:48,397 --> 01:07:52,484 I know, but I really wanted to scout that waterboy. Reminds me of Greg Lloyd. 857 01:07:52,568 --> 01:07:54,527 - Zack Thomas. - Whatever. 858 01:07:54,612 --> 01:07:56,362 Is she ready? 859 01:07:56,447 --> 01:07:59,240 Oh, yeah. She's more than ready. 860 01:07:59,325 --> 01:08:02,035 Come on, Bobby! You'll miss the boat! 861 01:08:08,084 --> 01:08:09,250 Let's go, ladies. 862 01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:19,511 We are underway! The opening kickoff is a beauty! 863 01:08:22,306 --> 01:08:25,225 Holdsworth is gonna bring it out from nine yards deep. 864 01:08:25,309 --> 01:08:26,935 Come on. 865 01:08:27,019 --> 01:08:28,353 Yeah! 866 01:08:29,355 --> 01:08:33,108 They're showing no respect for this team without Boucher. 867 01:08:33,192 --> 01:08:37,278 Good reason, Brent. 109 yards untouched. 868 01:08:37,863 --> 01:08:40,532 Touchdown, Cougars! They strike first. 869 01:08:47,706 --> 01:08:51,459 Time running down in the first quarter. Cougars lead is 17-nothing. 870 01:08:53,671 --> 01:08:55,755 Set! 871 01:08:55,840 --> 01:08:57,382 Three, 33! 872 01:08:58,717 --> 01:09:01,761 Three, 33! Hut! 873 01:09:02,763 --> 01:09:05,765 That quarterback can't get the ball off before he's hit. 874 01:09:05,850 --> 01:09:09,102 It's as if they're in the offensive huddle with him. 875 01:09:12,898 --> 01:09:15,567 Are you gonna finish that hot dog, Jimmy? 876 01:09:15,651 --> 01:09:16,818 Now I'm not. 877 01:09:16,902 --> 01:09:19,946 Mama, you think we'll make it on time? 878 01:09:20,030 --> 01:09:23,908 Hang on! I'll show you what A.J. Foyt taught me. 879 01:09:27,913 --> 01:09:30,665 The end of the half. The Cougars are dominating. 880 01:09:30,749 --> 01:09:34,294 Let's hope the Mud Dogs can make some adjustments. 881 01:09:34,378 --> 01:09:36,671 Well, they better, because they suck. 882 01:09:42,428 --> 01:09:44,470 Anybody got an idea? 883 01:09:48,934 --> 01:09:50,268 Hey. 884 01:09:52,605 --> 01:09:55,857 Remember the time Bobby tackled the referee by mistake? 885 01:09:56,942 --> 01:09:59,110 Yeah, that was pretty funny. 886 01:09:59,195 --> 01:10:02,030 How about the time he tackled the guy from Louisville 887 01:10:02,114 --> 01:10:04,199 and threw him into the stands? 888 01:10:06,452 --> 01:10:11,372 Y'all remember when he intercepted the ball and his pants fell off? 889 01:10:11,457 --> 01:10:14,375 And then he ran for the touchdown bare-assed. 890 01:10:26,055 --> 01:10:28,723 Remember when Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime 891 01:10:28,807 --> 01:10:30,683 and Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl? 892 01:10:37,816 --> 01:10:41,736 Hey, sorry about givin' you so much shit this year. 893 01:10:41,820 --> 01:10:44,239 You're the heart and soul of this team, Bobby. 894 01:10:44,323 --> 01:10:47,033 The only one of us who could've passed that test. 895 01:10:47,117 --> 01:10:51,246 Thank you all so much for being my friends. 896 01:10:51,330 --> 01:10:55,416 Let's wait till later to hold hands and kiss. We got a bowl game to win. 897 01:10:55,501 --> 01:10:57,752 - Yeah! - Two, three! 898 01:10:57,836 --> 01:10:58,795 Mud Dogs! 899 01:10:58,879 --> 01:11:04,801 In a dramatic turn of events, Bobby Boucherjust arrived at halftime. 900 01:11:04,885 --> 01:11:09,430 And on a fan boat, Brent. His mother drove him right into the stadium. 901 01:11:18,440 --> 01:11:21,359 Waterboy! Waterboy! 902 01:11:27,783 --> 01:11:30,660 Foosball's not for the devil. 903 01:11:30,744 --> 01:11:32,453 It's for my Bobby. 904 01:11:32,538 --> 01:11:35,665 Time to open up some whoop-ass. 905 01:11:42,798 --> 01:11:46,592 Shit, he showed up. All right, look. 906 01:11:46,677 --> 01:11:48,428 Just relax. Relax. 907 01:11:48,512 --> 01:11:51,306 Go in there and do exactly like we planned. Go, go, go! 908 01:11:51,390 --> 01:11:53,725 This could be the start of some high drama. 909 01:11:53,809 --> 01:11:58,980 Or are the Mud Dogs too far behind? Bobby Boucher is on defense. 910 01:11:59,064 --> 01:12:02,650 The Cougars are coming out from their own 20-yard line. 911 01:12:02,735 --> 01:12:05,194 The pitch. It's a reverse! 912 01:12:05,279 --> 01:12:07,822 Boucher's not fooled. 913 01:12:07,906 --> 01:12:10,241 Fumble! Robideaux's got it! 914 01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:12,410 Touchdown, Mud Dogs! 915 01:12:14,705 --> 01:12:18,416 - Boucher knocked the poop out of him. - "Poop"? 916 01:12:18,500 --> 01:12:23,671 Slap hands! Slap hands! 917 01:12:25,424 --> 01:12:29,677 Drink up, now. I want you girls to sober up. Have faith in my Bobby. 918 01:12:29,762 --> 01:12:33,306 The Mud Dogs are faced with yet another third and long. 919 01:12:33,390 --> 01:12:35,808 - Hut! - Grenouille back to pass. 920 01:12:35,893 --> 01:12:38,561 He's gonna be stuffed again! The Mud Dogs offense 921 01:12:38,645 --> 01:12:42,398 is still unable to move that ball. But the way their defense is fired up, 922 01:12:42,483 --> 01:12:45,193 they still have a shot at winning this game. 923 01:12:45,277 --> 01:12:47,737 Look. Now what ifwe... 924 01:12:51,617 --> 01:12:54,118 Trust me. Go, go, go, go, go. 925 01:12:55,412 --> 01:12:59,874 The Cougars lead 27-7 in the middle of the third quarter. 926 01:12:59,958 --> 01:13:01,793 And he takes a knee? 927 01:13:01,877 --> 01:13:04,462 Y'all gonna play or what? 928 01:13:07,049 --> 01:13:09,050 How do you all like my new offense? 929 01:13:11,804 --> 01:13:16,015 All right, it's second and 12, as the Cougars line up on the ball. 930 01:13:19,895 --> 01:13:23,147 What is Red Beaulieu doing, refusing to play offense? 931 01:13:23,232 --> 01:13:26,025 - Dan, this is bizarre. - No, it's not, Brent. 932 01:13:26,110 --> 01:13:29,404 It's brilliant. Red is taking the Waterboy out of the game. 933 01:13:29,488 --> 01:13:32,073 By kneeling down three times and punting, 934 01:13:32,157 --> 01:13:34,200 he'll make the Mud Dog offense try to beat him. 935 01:13:34,284 --> 01:13:36,702 The way they're playing, that's impossible. 936 01:13:36,787 --> 01:13:38,871 The Mud Dog's most valuable player, 937 01:13:38,956 --> 01:13:42,083 the linebacker they call "The Waterboy," is now powerless. 938 01:13:42,167 --> 01:13:46,963 That means Coach Klein will have to find another way to outfox Red. 939 01:13:49,133 --> 01:13:51,342 Mud Dogs call a timeout. 940 01:13:53,011 --> 01:13:56,055 Mr. Coach Klein. Mr. Coach Klein! Mr. Coach Klein! 941 01:13:57,516 --> 01:14:01,769 - Where are you going? - I was just gonna get a hot pretzel. 942 01:14:01,854 --> 01:14:04,772 Mr. Coach Klein, are you afraid of Red Beaulieu? 943 01:14:09,027 --> 01:14:10,445 I am petrified of him. 944 01:14:10,529 --> 01:14:13,614 Well, why don't you pretend that Red Beaulieu 945 01:14:13,699 --> 01:14:15,908 is somebody that you're not afraid of. 946 01:14:15,993 --> 01:14:18,453 - Pretend? - Yes. 947 01:14:18,537 --> 01:14:20,955 Visualize somebody you're not afraid of. 948 01:14:21,039 --> 01:14:24,625 - And then attack, like you told me. - I'll try. 949 01:14:24,710 --> 01:14:26,169 He's right over there. 950 01:14:39,766 --> 01:14:42,894 Little baby. Yeah. 951 01:14:43,896 --> 01:14:46,314 Hello, little baby. 952 01:14:51,862 --> 01:14:54,322 A poo-poo? Do you have a poo-poo? 953 01:14:54,406 --> 01:14:58,826 Yes. OK. Now. 954 01:14:58,911 --> 01:15:01,787 This is what we're gonna do. He's gonna come here... 955 01:15:10,255 --> 01:15:12,590 Come and get this one, Cougars. 956 01:15:12,674 --> 01:15:15,426 Red 22! Hike! 957 01:15:15,511 --> 01:15:18,179 Snap to Grenouille. A reverse! 958 01:15:18,263 --> 01:15:22,016 No, it's a double reverse! Oh, what a block! 959 01:15:22,100 --> 01:15:26,187 And Bugge springs free! Trouble! Lateral! 960 01:15:26,271 --> 01:15:28,856 Got him! What a play! 961 01:15:28,941 --> 01:15:32,068 Grenouille to the 15, the ten, the five! 962 01:15:32,152 --> 01:15:35,196 - Touchdown, Mud Dogs! - Well, well, well. 963 01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:37,949 Coach Klein does have a few tricks up his sleeve. 964 01:15:38,033 --> 01:15:41,327 What the hell... What the hell is this? 965 01:15:41,411 --> 01:15:45,039 We go from a championship football team to a bunch of dogs! 966 01:15:45,123 --> 01:15:48,626 Right now, we're going to go to the sidelines and Lynn Swann. 967 01:15:48,710 --> 01:15:51,796 - What do you have for us? - I'm with Vicki Vallencourt, 968 01:15:51,880 --> 01:15:54,966 taking over Bobby Boucher's water duties for this game. 969 01:15:55,050 --> 01:15:58,970 I'm not takin' over. I'm just tryin' not to screw up too bad. 970 01:15:59,054 --> 01:16:02,390 Let me ask you. What's your prediction for the rest of this game? 971 01:16:02,474 --> 01:16:05,935 - Mud Dogs are gonna win, 30-27. - That's very interesting. 972 01:16:06,019 --> 01:16:09,730 - How'd you come up with that guess? - Guess? That ain't no guess! 973 01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,400 - That's what it's gonna be. - OK. That's fine. 974 01:16:12,484 --> 01:16:14,110 Be careful down there. 975 01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:19,991 All right. Where's Meaney? 976 01:16:20,075 --> 01:16:22,118 - Meaney? - Here, coach. 977 01:16:22,202 --> 01:16:24,787 Get in there and see if that waterboy can stop you. 978 01:16:24,871 --> 01:16:25,871 - Yes, sir! - Go! 979 01:16:25,956 --> 01:16:31,460 Red is sending his best defender in as a running back? What do you make of this? 980 01:16:31,545 --> 01:16:34,463 He's gotta find some way to neutralize the Waterboy. 981 01:16:34,548 --> 01:16:37,091 He probably thinks Meaney will pound it in there 982 01:16:37,175 --> 01:16:40,052 - like Fridge did for the Bears. - Hey, Waterboy! 983 01:16:40,137 --> 01:16:42,430 Is your girlfriend gonna save you again? 984 01:16:42,514 --> 01:16:45,266 No. I'll take matters into my own hands. You'll see. 985 01:16:45,350 --> 01:16:47,435 Bring it to the hole! Your ass is mine! 986 01:16:51,898 --> 01:16:54,108 You sound like a big choo-choo train. 987 01:17:03,994 --> 01:17:07,371 Power bomb, compliments of Captain Insano. 988 01:17:14,212 --> 01:17:17,298 All right, field goal. Field goal. Go. 989 01:17:17,382 --> 01:17:20,593 - Derek. Derek! - Yeah. 990 01:17:20,677 --> 01:17:23,804 Visualize the attack. Go kick the ball. Kick it. 991 01:17:23,889 --> 01:17:25,723 Hut! 992 01:17:26,892 --> 01:17:29,435 How you doin', boy? 993 01:17:29,519 --> 01:17:31,062 No, no, no! 994 01:17:56,254 --> 01:17:58,589 What the hell is that? 995 01:18:04,596 --> 01:18:07,807 What the hell is he up to? That ain't in here! 996 01:18:10,227 --> 01:18:14,772 Down by ten late in the fourth quarter, Coach Klein opts for the field goal. 997 01:18:14,856 --> 01:18:18,567 They have to hope for the onside kick and a touchdown to tie the game. 998 01:18:18,652 --> 01:18:22,988 Dan, look what we have here. Boucher's in the game as a blocker. 999 01:18:23,073 --> 01:18:26,450 Last game of the year. Can't hold anything back now. 1000 01:18:28,036 --> 01:18:29,328 Set! 1001 01:18:33,458 --> 01:18:35,501 The snap. It's a fake! 1002 01:18:39,047 --> 01:18:42,967 Boucher's out in front! A great block! 1003 01:18:43,051 --> 01:18:47,138 And a second one! Touchdown, Mud Dogs! 1004 01:18:47,222 --> 01:18:50,349 Boucher led him all the way! 1005 01:18:53,937 --> 01:18:56,230 Red Beaulieu is steaming, Dan. 1006 01:18:56,314 --> 01:18:58,899 He sees his perfect season slipping away. 1007 01:18:58,984 --> 01:19:02,778 The Cougars' lead is down to three. 1008 01:19:07,284 --> 01:19:10,578 Mud Dogs need the ball if they're gonna have a shot at overtime. 1009 01:19:10,662 --> 01:19:14,165 And Bobby Boucher is now on the kickoff team. 1010 01:19:14,249 --> 01:19:17,001 Last game of the year. Can't hold anything back. 1011 01:19:17,085 --> 01:19:18,085 I know. 1012 01:19:20,088 --> 01:19:21,505 Who's it gonna be? 1013 01:19:21,590 --> 01:19:25,342 Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? 1014 01:19:28,513 --> 01:19:31,599 Oh, yeah. There's my bitch. 1015 01:19:31,683 --> 01:19:33,851 The ball must travel ten yards. 1016 01:19:36,688 --> 01:19:38,773 It's loose! 1017 01:19:38,857 --> 01:19:41,942 - Mud Dogs football! Mud Dogs football! - All right! 1018 01:19:42,027 --> 01:19:45,112 - Mama, I got the football! I got it... - What a vicious hit! 1019 01:19:45,197 --> 01:19:46,947 That was a cheap shot. 1020 01:19:50,076 --> 01:19:54,789 What a dumb penalty. That puts the Mud Dogs in field goal range for the tie. 1021 01:19:54,873 --> 01:19:58,459 - I'm not sure Boucher can get up. - Oh, my baby! 1022 01:20:05,008 --> 01:20:06,717 It's still cold. 1023 01:20:08,428 --> 01:20:10,513 Excuse me. Out of my way. 1024 01:20:13,391 --> 01:20:16,227 Dan, you hate to see this happen. 1025 01:20:25,570 --> 01:20:28,155 Now that's high quality H20. 1026 01:20:29,407 --> 01:20:32,243 You go on, now! Make it happen, Bobby! 1027 01:20:36,248 --> 01:20:38,499 The Waterboy just needed some water. 1028 01:20:38,583 --> 01:20:41,752 Wow, Dan. You think that up all by yourself? 1029 01:20:41,837 --> 01:20:43,212 Shut up, Brent. 1030 01:20:47,425 --> 01:20:49,844 - You OK? - He tried to open a can ofwhoop-ass. 1031 01:20:49,928 --> 01:20:53,055 - I wouldn't let him. - I have an idea for the last play. 1032 01:20:53,139 --> 01:20:56,892 You haven't done this before. The offense is gonna line up like this. 1033 01:20:56,977 --> 01:21:00,604 - You're gonna be right here. - There'll be no tie here today. 1034 01:21:00,689 --> 01:21:04,358 Coach Klein is sending his offense back onto the field. 1035 01:21:04,442 --> 01:21:08,779 - He's going for the win right now. - This is a real gutsy call, Brent. 1036 01:21:08,864 --> 01:21:11,615 He'll either be a hero or a goat because of this. 1037 01:21:11,700 --> 01:21:15,119 And Dan, Bobby Boucher is back on the field. 1038 01:21:15,203 --> 01:21:19,373 He is now playing offense! We know. We know. 1039 01:21:19,457 --> 01:21:22,626 Meaney, if they give that Waterboy the football, 1040 01:21:22,711 --> 01:21:27,047 I don't care if you have to stab him! Do not let him get away. Understand? 1041 01:21:27,132 --> 01:21:31,051 - Yes, sir. Yes, sir! - Do you understand me? Get in there! 1042 01:21:31,136 --> 01:21:32,595 Break! 1043 01:21:41,313 --> 01:21:43,814 - I'm ready, friend. - Let's do it, Bobby. 1044 01:21:46,318 --> 01:21:47,902 Set! Set! 1045 01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:51,488 Forty-three! Red 43! Hut, hut! 1046 01:23:08,733 --> 01:23:11,735 Touchdown! They won it! The Mud Dogs win it! 1047 01:23:11,820 --> 01:23:16,115 Bobby Boucher's the hero! He's gone from waterboy to savior! 1048 01:23:16,199 --> 01:23:18,325 Because he didn't hold anything back! 1049 01:23:18,410 --> 01:23:23,122 Swannie's down on the field with our hero, so let's go to Lynn now! 1050 01:23:25,333 --> 01:23:28,377 We did it! I can't believe it! I can't believe it! 1051 01:23:28,461 --> 01:23:32,006 - Vicki, I love you! - I love you, too, baby. 1052 01:23:32,090 --> 01:23:33,924 We're the champions! 1053 01:23:35,927 --> 01:23:39,847 Mr. Coach Klein, you got your manhood! You got your manhood! 1054 01:23:39,931 --> 01:23:43,642 Bobby, congratulations. You're the MVP of the Bourbon Bowl. 1055 01:23:43,727 --> 01:23:47,396 - How do you feel? - I love Mama! 1056 01:24:07,375 --> 01:24:09,793 - Way to go, Bobby. - Lookin' sharp, Bobby. 1057 01:24:09,878 --> 01:24:11,462 You the man, Bobby! 1058 01:24:11,546 --> 01:24:14,548 Bobby, I've been dreading this day for a long time. 1059 01:24:14,632 --> 01:24:18,052 - But you got yourself a fine woman. - Thank you, Mama. 1060 01:24:18,136 --> 01:24:21,096 Good luck, son. 1061 01:24:21,181 --> 01:24:23,140 This is the best day of my life! 1062 01:24:24,559 --> 01:24:28,729 - You just wait till tonight. - What's gonna happen tonight? 1063 01:24:28,813 --> 01:24:31,065 - You'll see. - You can do it! 1064 01:24:31,149 --> 01:24:35,027 You can do it all night long! 1065 01:24:40,116 --> 01:24:41,366 I'm gonna go do it! 1066 01:24:47,832 --> 01:24:49,750 Bobby, it's me! 1067 01:24:49,834 --> 01:24:52,878 - Your daddy, Roberto. - Daddy? 1068 01:24:52,962 --> 01:24:56,256 I've seen you on the ESPN when they was talkin' about 1069 01:24:56,341 --> 01:24:59,551 - you being drafted by the NFL. - Not going to the NFL. 1070 01:24:59,636 --> 01:25:02,221 I'm gonna stay in school and graduate. 1071 01:25:02,305 --> 01:25:06,183 The hell with school, dopey! Take the money! You and me could be partners, 1072 01:25:06,267 --> 01:25:09,686 just like that Tiger Woods and his daddy. 1073 01:25:18,446 --> 01:25:21,448 - Nice hit, Mama. - Thanks, baby. 1074 01:25:21,533 --> 01:25:23,992 Now you go on and have some fun becoming a man.