1
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:26,551
<i>My name is Augusten Burroughs.</i>

2
00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:31,561
<i>Where do I begin to tell the story</i>
<i>of how my mother left me,</i>

3
00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:33,655
<i>and then I left my mother?</i>

4
00:00:34,834 --> 00:00:39,271
<i>Maybe I should begin with the part about</i>
<i>how she'd keep me home from school.</i>

5
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:41,806
<i>That's how close we were.</i>

6
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:43,307
<i>I was so crazy about her.</i>

7
00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:46,106
Oh, hello, Miss Mimm,
this is Deirdre Burroughs calling.

8
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,941
Augusten won't be attending school today.

9
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,845
I over-conditioned my hair.

10
00:00:49,949 --> 00:00:52,782
- He over-conditioned his hair.
- And the party.

11
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,185
And he has to help me with the dinner party.

12
00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:57,688
Thank you.

13
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,562
<i>My mother was crazy about me too.</i>

14
00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,999
<i>I've always known that.</i>

15
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,830
<i>I guess it doesn't matter where I begin,</i>

16
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:14,668
<i>because nobody's gonna</i>
<i>believe me anyway.</i>

17
00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:20,312
<i>Augusten.</i>

18
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,648
Wake up. Wake up.

19
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:30,155
Augusten. Wake up.

20
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,125
I need you.

21
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,890
Okay. Testing. Testing. Can you hear me?

22
00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:52,266
"Childhood is gone. What remains?

23
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:58,574
"Childhood is gone. And youth.

24
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:03,878
"And ties with people I have loved
are broken now.

25
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:09,423
"My grief is more than I can easily contain.

26
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,758
"My grief builds this town anew

27
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:16,131
"and raises all the dead to walk with me
this day.

28
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,799
"What's left?

29
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:22,238
"My future seems nefarious,

30
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,173
"drained of mystery

31
00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:26,074
"known in my bones.

32
00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:34,983
"Most of all, what I will miss

33
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,751
"is the extravagance of my entire future

34
00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:42,487
"stretched out before me
like a highway in the desert.

35
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:46,156
"Waves of heat rising up, wrinkling the air.

36
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,725
"I weep for what is gone.

37
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,964
"And I weep for myself."

38
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,110
Okay, now I need your honest reaction.
Did it feel powerful to you?

39
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:03,978
Emotionally charged?

40
00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:08,019
It really does seem like something
you'd read in <i>The New Yorker</i>.

41
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,148
You really think so?

42
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:14,886
<i>The New Yorker's</i> very selective.
They don't publish just anyone.

43
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,985
I really think they would publish this.

44
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:20,224
That thing with your paralyzed sister,
that was great.

45
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,901
Well, we'll see.

46
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:27,598
I just got a rejection letter from
<i>The Virginia Quarterly.</i>

47
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,099
That worries me.

48
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:35,374
Of course, if <i>The New Yorker</i> did accept
this poem, your grandmother would see it.

49
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:38,280
I can't imagine what she would say.

50
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:43,519
But I can't let her reaction
keep me from publishing.

51
00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:46,619
Augusten,

52
00:03:48,127 --> 00:03:51,563
your mother was meant to be
a very famous woman.

53
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:15,184
I have a reading. I have books to sign.
I told you to be here at 4:00. It's 4:30.

54
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:20,450
- I got stuck in traffic.
- Bullshit. You're trying to sabotage me.

55
00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:39,405
Wanna play checkers, Dad?

56
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,880
Not right now, son. My back is out,
I've got papers to grade and I'm very tired.

57
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:46,509
So why don't you go outside and play
with the dog for a little while?

58
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:49,918
But I'm sick of Cream.
All she wants to do is sleep.

59
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,820
She's an old lady.

60
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,704
<i>Testing. One, two, three.</i>

61
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:54,781
<i>Thank you for coming to my poetry</i>
<i>reading tonight.</i>

62
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:59,014
<i>"Childhood is gone. What remains?</i>

63
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,725
<i>"Childhood is gone. And youth."</i>

64
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:05,193
<i>"And ties with people I have loved</i>
<i>are broken now.</i>

65
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:10,891
<i>"My grief is more than I can easily contain.</i>

66
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,218
"What's left?

67
00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:34,822
"My future seems nefarious

68
00:06:34,927 --> 00:06:37,122
"drained of mystery

69
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,528
"known in my bones."

70
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:45,627
<i>Thank you.</i>

71
00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:59,078
I don't understand.

72
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,244
I polish my allowance.

73
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:04,721
I boil it clean,
then polish it with silver polish.

74
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,918
But why, Augusten? Why?

75
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:10,458
Because I like shiny things.

76
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:19,664
I really don't see myself in you at all.

77
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,540
I'm more like my mom.

78
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:25,609
I wanna be special and I wanna be famous.

79
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,225
Are you going to a funeral?

80
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:48,663
No. No, sweetie. It's a gown
for public appearances. You wanna cut?

81
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:55,134
See, the plan is, I'm announced,
at some place grand and serious

82
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:57,334
like Carnegie Hall.

83
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:58,842
And I come out in this.

84
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,812
And I stand in front of a black velvet curtain.

85
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,511
I'm gonna demand that in my contract.

86
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:08,016
And that way, everything fades away,
except my writing.

87
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:09,710
The mail came.

88
00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:12,316
"And when the sun comes out

89
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:15,512
"the daffodil looks skyward.

90
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:17,088
"Wet from the rain

91
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,885
"but not broken.

92
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,753
"Triumphant trumpet."

93
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:31,497
Did you like it, Deirdre?

94
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:35,637
I've been working on it
since the last meeting of the poetry club.

95
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,999
You said, "Write what you know."

96
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:41,504
I love to garden so I thought
I would write about dirt and the sun.

97
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,172
It's shit, Fern.

98
00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:49,048
It's sentimental. It's emotionally dishonest.

99
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,623
It implodes into nothingness. I was bored.

100
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,826
Were you bored, Christy?

101
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:02,529
It sort of didn't go anywhere.

102
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:05,900
You didn't tap into your creative
unconscious, Fern.

103
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:11,802
Honey.

104
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:15,043
I'm sorry, Deirdre.

105
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:18,480
I so wanted to have a creative outlet
and I thought maybe this was it.

106
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:22,645
But you're right. It's terrible.

107
00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:28,091
If Anne Sexton writes about flowers, Fern,
the poem isn't about the goddamn flowers.

108
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:32,096
The flowers would wilt and rot.

109
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:36,225
She'd use metaphor to explore her
dead marriage, her pain. You understand?

110
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:43,436
Sexton's therapist told her to write poetry
as a way to exorcize her rage.

111
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:48,445
Now, she's not a housewife.
She's a rock 'n' roller. Okay?

112
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:53,017
Last week in Boston, 2000 people waited
in a fucking blizzard to hear her read.

113
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:56,418
That's power recovered.
So that's what you need to do, Fern.

114
00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:59,457
You need to recover
by expressing your anger.

115
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:03,826
I am angry.

116
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,799
- Steve takes me for granted.
- There it is again. Men.

117
00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:12,700
I'm so sorry.

118
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:15,603
No, don't you dare apologize, Fern.

119
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:20,168
You funnel that rage into the only escape
you have. Your art.

120
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,084
Who wants to read next?

121
00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,354
Christy, you're hiding.

122
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,421
I'm just not quite there.

123
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,761
Get the rage on the page, women.

124
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:49,070
- You infantile tyrant!
- Jesus.

125
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:51,973
You'd like nothing more than to see me
slit my wrists!

126
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,603
Why don't you just settle down?
You know, you are hysterical.

127
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,511
You're so goddamn hysterical!

128
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:58,708
- I'm hysterical? You think this is hysterical?
- Yes!

129
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:01,878
You poor bastard!
You're so repressed that you...

130
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:05,753
You mistake creative passion for hysteria!
Don't you see?

131
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:07,450
This is how you're killing me.

132
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,323
Nobody is trying to kill you, Deirdre.

133
00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:11,794
You're doing
a perfectly good job of it yourself.

134
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,331
I wish you'd rot in hell.
I regret the day I ever married you.

135
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:15,832
Will you two stop fighting?

136
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,529
This is between me and your father!
Your father is the one...

137
00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:20,628
Well, I live here too, you know!

138
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,267
Look at you. Look at your damn face.
You got the face of a man twice your age.

139
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:26,105
Forty-five going on 90!

140
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,770
Will you just shut up?

141
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:42,051
He's not moving!

142
00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:46,590
No, he's just playing another one
of his horribly manipulative games.

143
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,326
Get up, Norman!

144
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,363
Get up, Norman.

145
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,573
Enough of your pranks.

146
00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:25,064
Please don't kill her.

147
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:27,196
He's not gonna kill me.

148
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:31,204
He'd rather suffocate me with
his horribly oppressive manipulation

149
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,040
and then wait for me to cut my own throat.

150
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,089
Go to bed. Go to bed, Augusten.

151
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,552
You've got school in the morning.

152
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,890
I don't want to go to school.

153
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,964
You've got to go, Augusten!

154
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:56,299
You can't keep skipping or I'll get arrested.

155
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:59,701
Why can't we just be a normal family?

156
00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:41,108
Oh, thank God.

157
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,383
Hello there.

158
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,786
Please come in.

159
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:55,753
I've just been a frantic wreck
waiting for you to get here.

160
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,488
It's okay now, Mrs. Burroughs.

161
00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:59,996
Oh, no, please. Call me Deirdre.

162
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:02,199
Where's Norman, dear?

163
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:04,565
Oh, he's passed out drunk.

164
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:08,197
- I see.
- I was afraid for my life tonight.

165
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:13,972
I thought for sure he was gonna kill me,
that this would finally be the night.

166
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:16,742
Would you like a Sanka?

167
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:21,047
I'd like some slices of bologna
with a side of horseradish.

168
00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:32,457
Do you mind, son?

169
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:43,234
Don't you worry about your parents,
buckaroo. We'll get this all sorted out.

170
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,003
Good luck.

171
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,805
I just pray to God Norman doesn't snap.

172
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:48,607
One of these days he's gonna snap
and kill us all.

173
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:49,738
Enough!

174
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,379
That's not the way to talk around your son.

175
00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:56,249
You need to comfort him, not frighten him.

176
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:02,083
That's right. I know.

177
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:06,426
I'm sorry, Augusten.
I'm just very upset right now.

178
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,758
Sit down, Deirdre.

179
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,428
Good night, Augusten.

180
00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:20,705
Now.

181
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:26,844
I'm gonna ask you a number of questions
if that's all right with you.

182
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:30,854
They may seem rather personal.
In fact, you may not see the relevance.

183
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:36,792
But I believe that's up to me,
as the doctor, to decide.

184
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:39,929
So,

185
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:42,230
your

186
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,198
anxiety level.

187
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,769
How would you describe it?

188
00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,246
Well, I'm just frantic.

189
00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:58,681
I'm very, very upset. I'm very anxious.

190
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:03,753
I feel very emotionally charged.

191
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:07,283
And I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.

192
00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:10,191
Tell me about your bowel movements.

193
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:13,093
Have you noticed any changes
either in regularity,

194
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:16,656
or the shape and density
of the bowel matter itself?

195
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:20,963
Is that really...

196
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:24,600
I mean... Do we have to...

197
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:30,012
What I'm getting at is constipation.
Both literal and subconscious.

198
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:34,080
Are you constipated in your life, Deirdre?

199
00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:36,013
Stuck?

200
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:41,757
I am.

201
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:44,123
I am stuck.

202
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:49,424
I understand you write a lot.
Are you energetic when you write? Frantic?

203
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:51,568
Well...

204
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:58,633
When I write I'm writing from
my unconscious. Or I'm trying to.

205
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,110
Do you have sex with your husband?

206
00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:08,748
- Yes.
- Do you enjoy it?

207
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:17,228
Back to your anxiety for a moment.

208
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:20,696
You have thoughts of suicide, Deirdre?

209
00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:24,194
Do you have suicidal thoughts?

210
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,965
Do you ever think of killing yourself?

211
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:38,983
And how often would you say
you have these thoughts of suicide?

212
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,458
Right after I have sex with my husband.

213
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,098
What are those?

214
00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:05,838
Valium.

215
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:09,676
To quiet the nerves.

216
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,964
Is he an MD doctor?

217
00:19:35,073 --> 00:19:38,236
Yes, and as I've told you 100 times,
he got his MD at Yale.

218
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,709
And you heard about this guy from where?

219
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:42,302
Dr. Nupal.

220
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,608
Augusten's allergist.

221
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:50,882
If you were more of a man and involved
in your son's life, you'd know who that was.

222
00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:52,820
I smell manure.

223
00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:55,588
I don't smell anything.

224
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,925
I do, I smell manure.
It's coming out of your ears.

225
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:04,896
Fucking bitch.

226
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,763
I'm unhappy.

227
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:10,639
I'm unhappy.

228
00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:14,303
Norman, if you're so unhappy,
why stay in this marriage?

229
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,812
I don't know why.

230
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,178
My son.

231
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:23,914
I don't think that's why you stay, Norman.
I think you stay because it's comfortable.

232
00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:25,512
It's what you know.

233
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:28,525
You were trapped in your childhood
by a castrating mother,

234
00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:32,324
and as an adult male you have sought
the same female archetype.

235
00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:37,128
Well, that's just brilliant. And very true.

236
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,764
Deirdre, smoking is a great privilege
in my sanctuary.

237
00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:45,301
But for you, I will allow it.

238
00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:47,740
Thank you.

239
00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:55,380
So you're saying we should split up?

240
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:58,081
In order to reach that conclusion, Norman,

241
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:02,718
I would need to see both you and Deirdre
on a regular and disciplined basis.

242
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,295
For five hours a day.

243
00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:06,421
I'm available, Dr. Finch.

244
00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:10,433
Five hours a day?
I can't do that. I have to work!

245
00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:13,470
See, Dr. Finch, I told you.
I'm married to a narcissist.

246
00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:18,509
Norman, if I'm willing to clear my schedule
to save your marriage but you're not,

247
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,100
then get out.

248
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:22,442
Leave this office, go home,

249
00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:25,778
and start dividing your books
and your record albums.

250
00:21:25,884 --> 00:21:27,545
This is bullshit.

251
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:31,413
This is really fucking bullshit.

252
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,127
What are you writing?

253
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:49,070
"Norman Burroughs is homicidal.
He is an unapologetic alcoholic.

254
00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:53,110
"He is dangerous, a threat to himself,
his wife and his child."

255
00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:04,922
Finally, somebody sees.

256
00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:15,326
Deirdre, express yourself. Let it out.

257
00:22:15,434 --> 00:22:18,494
Tell Augusten and I why you are crying.

258
00:22:19,204 --> 00:22:20,569
'Cause I...

259
00:22:21,606 --> 00:22:24,302
I did love Norman once, long ago,

260
00:22:24,409 --> 00:22:27,810
but I never should've married him.

261
00:22:28,313 --> 00:22:29,803
So why did you?

262
00:22:30,482 --> 00:22:35,317
He threatened to kill himself if I turned
down his proposal. I'm not a murderer.

263
00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:38,350
I've failed as a wife and a mother.

264
00:22:38,657 --> 00:22:40,022
Yes, you have.

265
00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:42,893
But Deirdre,

266
00:22:42,994 --> 00:22:46,862
you can't stay with a man
who doesn't see your gift.

267
00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:52,895
You are a brilliant, brilliant poet.

268
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,433
Augusten, have you any questions
to ask me

269
00:22:57,542 --> 00:22:59,976
concerning the state of
your parents' marriage?

270
00:23:00,078 --> 00:23:01,670
I do have one question.

271
00:23:02,247 --> 00:23:04,238
What's behind that door?

272
00:23:04,916 --> 00:23:06,008
That?

273
00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:09,109
That leads to an adjacent room

274
00:23:10,622 --> 00:23:12,055
where I masturbate.

275
00:23:21,633 --> 00:23:23,191
Dr. Finch...

276
00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:27,931
As evolved as I may indeed be,
I'm still a human being, Deirdre.

277
00:23:28,039 --> 00:23:29,336
A male human being.

278
00:23:29,441 --> 00:23:33,002
I am still very much a man.

279
00:23:37,015 --> 00:23:38,880
Would you like a tour?

280
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:52,329
What is this, Hope?

281
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:56,231
Jesus Christ, Dad!
You scared the shit out of me.

282
00:23:56,334 --> 00:23:59,701
Hope, you've no business being in here!
This is my masturbatorium!

283
00:23:59,805 --> 00:24:03,639
- And you're using my blanket.
- I was just taking a nap.

284
00:24:03,742 --> 00:24:06,370
Nap? This is not the place for naps!

285
00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:11,178
Go mind the telephone. Make fresh coffee.

286
00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:13,911
Do your job, like a responsible woman.

287
00:24:33,738 --> 00:24:35,228
He's leaving.

288
00:24:37,709 --> 00:24:39,939
Now I can focus on my writing.

289
00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:48,478
This is nice.

290
00:25:50,849 --> 00:25:52,544
Maybe I'll become a doctor.

291
00:25:52,651 --> 00:25:54,949
It's just down here, on the right.

292
00:26:02,928 --> 00:26:04,452
That's not it.

293
00:26:05,463 --> 00:26:06,623
Is it?

294
00:26:07,899 --> 00:26:09,161
It can't be.

295
00:26:09,267 --> 00:26:12,327
This is it, Augusten.
This is Dr. Finch's house.

296
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,425
No doctor lives here.

297
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:43,901
Hello, Agnes.

298
00:26:44,002 --> 00:26:46,163
Hello, Deirdre. Come in.

299
00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:06,681
Oh, Freud.

300
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,760
Well, you must be Augusten,
isn't that right?

301
00:27:11,162 --> 00:27:14,825
Yes, well, I'm Agnes. I'm Dr. Finch's wife.

302
00:27:15,300 --> 00:27:18,929
Well, make yourselves at home.
I'll go get the doctor.

303
00:27:26,111 --> 00:27:27,135
I'll wait in the car.

304
00:27:27,245 --> 00:27:30,112
No, no, you will not wait in the car.
It'll be hours and it's rude.

305
00:27:30,215 --> 00:27:33,582
You just stay here.
Get along with the Finch children.

306
00:27:37,389 --> 00:27:38,879
Up here, Deirdre.

307
00:28:10,188 --> 00:28:11,712
<i>Abigail,</i>

308
00:28:12,424 --> 00:28:14,119
<i>what are you doing here?</i>

309
00:28:33,478 --> 00:28:35,503
Would you like to try some?

310
00:28:37,115 --> 00:28:38,207
No.

311
00:28:38,883 --> 00:28:39,850
Thanks.

312
00:28:39,951 --> 00:28:42,476
Why does everybody make such a fuss?

313
00:28:43,088 --> 00:28:44,953
It's just a little kibble.

314
00:28:46,691 --> 00:28:48,591
That stuff's not clean.

315
00:28:49,694 --> 00:28:50,888
It's for dogs.

316
00:28:50,995 --> 00:28:54,226
Well, I guess you're afraid
to try new things, Augusten.

317
00:28:55,967 --> 00:28:57,264
Sad.

318
00:29:02,941 --> 00:29:06,069
Isn't it a little early for Christmas?

319
00:29:07,045 --> 00:29:08,444
You mean late.

320
00:29:08,546 --> 00:29:10,537
It's been up for two years.

321
00:29:46,151 --> 00:29:47,584
I just pooped.

322
00:29:48,853 --> 00:29:50,684
Oh, way to go, kiddie-poo.

323
00:29:57,529 --> 00:29:58,621
Hey.

324
00:29:59,430 --> 00:30:02,331
I'm Natalie. The other daughter.

325
00:30:04,569 --> 00:30:06,833
- Augusten.
- I know.

326
00:30:09,774 --> 00:30:13,642
What's with the clothes, choir boy?
Are you going to church?

327
00:30:15,313 --> 00:30:16,541
I just pooped.

328
00:30:18,883 --> 00:30:21,977
John Moses is the kid
of one of my dad's patients.

329
00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,079
We watch him sometimes.

330
00:30:24,255 --> 00:30:27,486
Come on, I'm supposed to
keep you occupied.

331
00:30:35,266 --> 00:30:38,599
- What is it?
- It's an electroshock therapy machine.

332
00:30:40,438 --> 00:30:43,066
My dad used to use it on patients
all the time.

333
00:30:43,875 --> 00:30:45,843
Until the police came.

334
00:30:48,446 --> 00:30:51,574
Come on, it'll be a wicked blast.
Help me move it.

335
00:30:59,490 --> 00:31:02,425
So why is Dr. Finch seeing patients
in his house now?

336
00:31:04,062 --> 00:31:08,431
Well, you know how President Carter makes
us drive 40 miles out of our way to buy gas?

337
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:09,966
Because we're in...

338
00:31:11,202 --> 00:31:12,863
An energy crisis?

339
00:31:13,371 --> 00:31:14,531
Right.

340
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,437
Well, that means people don't have
extra money for luxuries like mental health,

341
00:31:18,543 --> 00:31:21,944
so he's lost a lot of patients.
He's downsizing.

342
00:31:24,449 --> 00:31:25,939
Are you ready?

343
00:31:26,184 --> 00:31:27,242
For what?

344
00:31:28,019 --> 00:31:29,611
Are you retarded?

345
00:31:32,257 --> 00:31:33,747
To play doctor.

346
00:31:38,863 --> 00:31:43,891
Okay. Well, I'll be the doctor
and you can be the nurse.

347
00:31:44,002 --> 00:31:46,800
I'm not gonna be some cunt-licking nurse.

348
00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:50,000
I'll be my father and you be your mother.

349
00:31:50,341 --> 00:31:51,501
Okay.

350
00:31:56,814 --> 00:31:59,180
How are we feeling today, Deirdre?

351
00:32:00,351 --> 00:32:02,444
I'm blocked, Dr. Finch.

352
00:32:02,553 --> 00:32:04,953
I can't tap into my subconscious.

353
00:32:05,857 --> 00:32:09,349
I feel I do have a classic in me.

354
00:32:09,460 --> 00:32:12,486
I feel I am owed a Pulitzer Prize,

355
00:32:12,597 --> 00:32:16,260
even though I've only published one book
I paid for myself.

356
00:32:22,573 --> 00:32:25,098
It's very clear to me now.

357
00:32:25,209 --> 00:32:29,771
There's only one treatment available
that could resurrect your creative spirit.

358
00:32:31,049 --> 00:32:35,452
Electroshock therapy.
We'll start with 1000 volts.

359
00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:53,270
Is this gonna hurt?

360
00:32:53,438 --> 00:32:57,101
Well, maybe if you pass out you won't
have to go to school.

361
00:32:58,042 --> 00:32:59,634
Put in the mouth guard.

362
00:33:22,266 --> 00:33:24,200
What are you guys doing?

363
00:33:26,104 --> 00:33:30,006
He's repressing a memory. We need to
go deep into his subconscious mind.

364
00:33:30,641 --> 00:33:35,237
Awesome. But can you do it later?
Dad wants to see Augusten in the kitchen.

365
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:57,493
We have to get you in a place
where you will feel.

366
00:33:57,602 --> 00:33:59,661
Feel warm and you will feel...

367
00:34:03,574 --> 00:34:04,905
Take a seat, son.

368
00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:27,660
Augusten, your mother is in a state of crisis.

369
00:34:27,765 --> 00:34:29,494
That's an understatement.

370
00:34:31,536 --> 00:34:34,232
Your mother is in trouble with your father.

371
00:34:37,408 --> 00:34:40,070
Your father may want to murder
your mother.

372
00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:44,907
Murder?

373
00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:48,442
Your father is a very, very sick man.

374
00:34:50,955 --> 00:34:54,186
Your mother needs to be protected.

375
00:34:59,964 --> 00:35:01,192
What do we do?

376
00:35:02,266 --> 00:35:06,635
Well, I'm gonna take your mother to a motel
and you're gonna stay here.

377
00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:15,707
But...

378
00:35:17,048 --> 00:35:19,039
I don't wanna stay here.

379
00:35:26,290 --> 00:35:28,758
Deirdre, talk to your son.

380
00:35:29,227 --> 00:35:32,025
When you're finished, I'll be in the car.

381
00:35:39,570 --> 00:35:41,333
Mom, what's going on?

382
00:35:42,773 --> 00:35:45,936
Your father has a lot of anger

383
00:35:47,011 --> 00:35:48,842
about how his life turned out.

384
00:35:48,946 --> 00:35:51,380
He's projecting it onto me.

385
00:35:52,250 --> 00:35:55,777
Dr. Finch is spiritually evolved.

386
00:35:56,687 --> 00:35:58,678
We'll be safe with him.

387
00:36:03,794 --> 00:36:06,024
Can't I come to the motel too?

388
00:36:07,198 --> 00:36:09,098
I love those little soaps.

389
00:36:11,736 --> 00:36:12,930
No.

390
00:36:15,339 --> 00:36:18,001
The doctor thinks that it's best.

391
00:36:22,079 --> 00:36:23,478
For how long?

392
00:36:23,581 --> 00:36:27,517
Not long. A few days, maybe a week.

393
00:36:28,986 --> 00:36:32,114
A week? I can't stay here for a week!

394
00:36:32,557 --> 00:36:35,993
Augusten, don't argue with me. Not now.

395
00:36:37,795 --> 00:36:40,025
I'll visit you in my dreams.

396
00:36:42,500 --> 00:36:44,627
Did you know I can do that?

397
00:36:46,370 --> 00:36:50,739
Once, I had a dream I went to Mexico,

398
00:36:50,841 --> 00:36:54,368
and when I woke up
there were pesos in my hand.

399
00:37:03,521 --> 00:37:05,284
I'm going to go now.

400
00:37:13,397 --> 00:37:14,694
We'll be okay.

401
00:37:32,917 --> 00:37:34,350
Telephone call.

402
00:37:41,359 --> 00:37:42,348
Hello?

403
00:37:42,460 --> 00:37:45,987
<i>I have an emergency collect call</i>
<i>from your son, Augusten.</i>

404
00:38:20,431 --> 00:38:23,764
<i>Dear journal, somebody has to write</i>
<i>down what's happening to me.</i>

405
00:38:23,868 --> 00:38:25,597
<i>It's not to be believed.</i>

406
00:38:25,703 --> 00:38:28,399
<i>So I guess that person is me.</i>

407
00:38:28,506 --> 00:38:31,703
<i>Day seven and still no sign of my mother.</i>

408
00:38:31,809 --> 00:38:35,643
<i>This place is worse than any loony bin.</i>
<i>I'm not kidding.</i>

409
00:38:35,746 --> 00:38:38,977
<i>Every decision in the house is made by</i>
<i>something the Finches call...</i>

410
00:38:39,083 --> 00:38:40,550
Bible dipping.

411
00:38:41,052 --> 00:38:44,783
It's like asking a Magic 8-ball a question,
only you're asking God.

412
00:38:46,590 --> 00:38:48,922
Ask God a question, Augusten.

413
00:38:49,026 --> 00:38:50,015
I don't know.

414
00:38:50,127 --> 00:38:52,527
Oh, for goodness' sakes, Augusten,
it's not that hard.

415
00:38:52,630 --> 00:38:54,860
Should we have fish sticks for dinner?

416
00:38:56,867 --> 00:38:58,664
"Awakening."

417
00:38:58,769 --> 00:39:02,261
As in, awakening our taste buds.

418
00:39:02,773 --> 00:39:05,139
Super, God wants us to have fish sticks.

419
00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:08,676
Shit, I wanted McDonald's so bad.

420
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:13,382
<i>Of the daughters, Hope is by far</i>
<i>Finch's favorite. I know this because...</i>

421
00:39:13,484 --> 00:39:16,476
Hope, you are by far my favorite daughter.

422
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:27,688
Stop antagonizing me, Natalie. Just stop
transferring all of your anger onto me.

423
00:39:27,798 --> 00:39:29,698
Please make an appointment to see Dad.

424
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,667
You know what? Your avoidance tactics
aren't gonna work, Miss Hope.

425
00:39:32,770 --> 00:39:36,900
You're the one that hates me
and you're gonna have to confront that.

426
00:39:37,508 --> 00:39:38,566
Is this really our dinner?

427
00:39:38,676 --> 00:39:43,306
Fish sticks and grapes, that's all you get.
I am not a maid and I'm not a chef.

428
00:39:44,148 --> 00:39:47,276
You know, Natalie, you're so oral
you'll never get to anal.

429
00:39:47,385 --> 00:39:51,082
And you're never gonna get a dick in
your dried-out cunt, you old maid.

430
00:39:51,188 --> 00:39:54,385
Excellent, Natalie,
your hysteria is spectacular.

431
00:39:54,492 --> 00:39:57,017
You're moving from the anal
onto the phallic.

432
00:39:57,862 --> 00:39:59,420
I'm very proud.

433
00:40:06,771 --> 00:40:11,003
<i>Oh, did I mention that Hope is an</i>
<i>animal lover? She has a cat named Freud...</i>

434
00:40:11,108 --> 00:40:13,440
- Freud is dying.
- <i>...that speaks to her.</i>

435
00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:16,273
She told me through her purrs,
which I can translate.

436
00:40:16,380 --> 00:40:21,579
Hope, Freud wasn't talking to you,
because fucking cats can't talk.

437
00:40:22,953 --> 00:40:24,318
This is animal abuse.

438
00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:28,153
Augusten, be sexier. Make them want you.

439
00:40:28,592 --> 00:40:30,685
She asked me to do this to her.

440
00:40:31,695 --> 00:40:33,595
She contacted me during REM sleep

441
00:40:33,697 --> 00:40:36,757
and said that she'd hung on
as long as she could.

442
00:40:37,768 --> 00:40:41,204
And she wants me to sit with her
so she doesn't die alone.

443
00:40:42,373 --> 00:40:43,670
What are you all doing in here?

444
00:40:43,774 --> 00:40:47,073
You better not be engaging
in pot or other activities.

445
00:40:47,311 --> 00:40:49,575
Shut up, you hag. Leave us alone.

446
00:40:52,917 --> 00:40:54,612
So how long are you gonna be
carrying around that basket?

447
00:40:54,718 --> 00:40:56,276
Until Freud dies.

448
00:40:58,088 --> 00:41:00,318
Which should be the end of the week.

449
00:41:07,531 --> 00:41:10,523
<i>According to Hope,</i>
<i>Freud died of kitty leukemia.</i>

450
00:41:11,669 --> 00:41:12,693
<i>According to me,</i>

451
00:41:12,803 --> 00:41:17,467
<i>Freud died of being trapped in a laundry</i>
<i>basket for four days without food or water.</i>

452
00:41:18,609 --> 00:41:20,975
Augusten, pay your respects.

453
00:41:54,311 --> 00:41:56,643
Am I coming home for good now?

454
00:41:56,747 --> 00:42:00,080
No, baby. Just a weekend visit.

455
00:42:27,578 --> 00:42:30,012
You should let me cut your bangs.

456
00:42:30,114 --> 00:42:31,877
It'd be really cool.

457
00:42:33,984 --> 00:42:36,976
So is that what you wanna be?
A hairdresser?

458
00:42:37,087 --> 00:42:39,351
Well, don't say "hairdresser."

459
00:42:39,456 --> 00:42:42,516
Say professional, licensed cosmetologist.

460
00:42:43,894 --> 00:42:48,092
But what I really want is
to own my own hair empire, you know?

461
00:42:48,198 --> 00:42:49,995
Like Vidal Sassoon.

462
00:42:52,202 --> 00:42:53,430
What?

463
00:42:54,104 --> 00:42:56,038
What do you wanna be?

464
00:43:01,412 --> 00:43:02,640
Her.

465
00:43:04,214 --> 00:43:07,274
Coed, majoring in literature.

466
00:43:07,885 --> 00:43:09,512
You should apply.

467
00:43:10,220 --> 00:43:12,211
They'd never let me in.

468
00:43:12,323 --> 00:43:14,689
Why not? You're smart.

469
00:43:16,293 --> 00:43:17,885
But I'm a Finch.

470
00:43:19,730 --> 00:43:21,288
I'm used goods.

471
00:43:25,269 --> 00:43:28,830
Besides, can you imagine
the college background check?

472
00:43:29,340 --> 00:43:32,969
When they find out what goes on in
that house, it'd be like <i>Frankenstein</i>,

473
00:43:33,077 --> 00:43:37,776
when the villagers surround the castle
and then burn it to the fucking ground.

474
00:43:45,089 --> 00:43:46,386
I'm gay.

475
00:43:49,526 --> 00:43:50,788
Big deal.

476
00:43:51,929 --> 00:43:53,294
I know.

477
00:43:55,199 --> 00:43:57,633
My adopted brother Neil's gay too.

478
00:43:58,836 --> 00:44:00,736
Where does he live?

479
00:44:00,838 --> 00:44:03,500
He used to live out back in the barn.

480
00:44:03,607 --> 00:44:06,474
Then he got mad at my Dad because he
wouldn't give him a real room in the house,

481
00:44:06,577 --> 00:44:08,943
so he moved to some boarding house.

482
00:44:09,046 --> 00:44:12,777
He rents a single room out there.
Kinda like a <i>pied-�-terre</i>.

483
00:44:13,384 --> 00:44:15,614
You two should meet.
I think you'd really like each other.

484
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:17,118
Two, please.

485
00:44:20,357 --> 00:44:21,517
Thanks.

486
00:44:39,276 --> 00:44:42,074
That director is fucked up.

487
00:44:42,179 --> 00:44:45,774
I've seen that like four times
this week already.

488
00:44:45,883 --> 00:44:47,646
I love French movies.

489
00:44:47,985 --> 00:44:52,888
First cousins fall in love and then stab
each other as the weeping clown appears.

490
00:44:55,492 --> 00:44:58,757
I don't really understand
the weeping clown part but...

491
00:44:59,563 --> 00:45:02,123
It represents the loss of innocence.

492
00:45:05,335 --> 00:45:07,030
Wanna check out my wheels?

493
00:45:07,905 --> 00:45:10,135
- Sure.
- Come on.

494
00:45:12,409 --> 00:45:14,377
So do you see your mom at all?

495
00:45:15,079 --> 00:45:16,341
Sometimes.

496
00:45:17,414 --> 00:45:18,972
On the weekends.

497
00:45:19,583 --> 00:45:22,177
It's tough to have a sick mom, right?

498
00:45:23,387 --> 00:45:26,550
My mom couldn't handle me either.
Neither could my dad.

499
00:45:26,690 --> 00:45:29,716
Yeah, mine too. He never wants to see me.

500
00:45:30,494 --> 00:45:32,155
Where does that leave you?

501
00:45:32,262 --> 00:45:35,527
At the crazy house of the even crazier Finch.

502
00:45:35,632 --> 00:45:37,293
Do you think he's crazy?

503
00:45:37,868 --> 00:45:39,699
In a good way. I think he's a genius.

504
00:45:39,803 --> 00:45:42,829
Like when I was your age
and I'd have a rage seizure,

505
00:45:42,940 --> 00:45:45,841
he'd put on music
to lower my blood pressure.

506
00:45:45,943 --> 00:45:50,744
Nat King Cole, <i>Stardust</i>,
revolutionary sort of stuff, you know?

507
00:45:51,014 --> 00:45:52,675
Worked every time.

508
00:45:53,484 --> 00:45:57,477
If he hadn't adopted me, shit,
I don't know what I would've done.

509
00:45:57,855 --> 00:45:59,447
Well, here she is.

510
00:46:01,625 --> 00:46:04,594
But couldn't you have just been his patient?

511
00:46:04,695 --> 00:46:07,960
I mean, I don't understand
why he had to adopt you.

512
00:46:08,699 --> 00:46:12,362
Well, Finch believes that
a person becomes an adult at 13.

513
00:46:13,303 --> 00:46:16,397
At that age, no adult can tell them
what to do.

514
00:46:17,841 --> 00:46:20,901
And they can choose their own parents.
I did it.

515
00:46:21,378 --> 00:46:22,902
Natalie did it.

516
00:46:23,013 --> 00:46:24,275
Natalie?

517
00:46:25,549 --> 00:46:27,676
Natalie never mentioned that to me.

518
00:46:27,785 --> 00:46:29,150
Oh, really?

519
00:46:31,755 --> 00:46:34,019
Ask her about Terrence Maxwell.

520
00:46:35,759 --> 00:46:37,659
You're over 13, right?

521
00:46:42,533 --> 00:46:45,161
Finchy saved my life, that's for sure.

522
00:46:46,970 --> 00:46:49,803
He was the first person I told I was gay.

523
00:46:53,944 --> 00:46:55,241
I'm gay too.

524
00:47:01,151 --> 00:47:05,087
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
so that's what this is about. You're gay?

525
00:47:05,889 --> 00:47:07,015
Yeah.

526
00:47:07,991 --> 00:47:10,289
I thought Natalie had told you.

527
00:47:15,132 --> 00:47:16,861
Small world, right?

528
00:47:17,334 --> 00:47:18,596
You, me.

529
00:47:19,102 --> 00:47:20,262
Crazy.

530
00:47:21,405 --> 00:47:22,565
Smoke?

531
00:47:27,611 --> 00:47:29,408
Here, let me light you.

532
00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:44,217
Want a ride home?

533
00:47:45,796 --> 00:47:46,922
Please.

534
00:47:47,497 --> 00:47:49,124
I won't go fast.

535
00:47:49,433 --> 00:47:50,457
Maybe.

536
00:48:02,012 --> 00:48:03,809
What just happened?

537
00:48:05,682 --> 00:48:07,946
You think you're gay, right?

538
00:48:08,051 --> 00:48:09,985
That's what gay men do.

539
00:48:10,621 --> 00:48:13,351
Just wanted you to know what you're in for.

540
00:48:16,593 --> 00:48:18,788
Want a beer? Smoke?

541
00:48:20,364 --> 00:48:21,422
No.

542
00:48:25,302 --> 00:48:28,999
<i>Journal, what can I say?</i>
<i>He drove a cool car.</i>

543
00:48:32,109 --> 00:48:35,203
<i>And it sure beat another crazy dinner</i>
<i>at the Finch house.</i>

544
00:48:37,247 --> 00:48:39,943
<i>There's a first time for everything, right?</i>

545
00:48:48,325 --> 00:48:50,850
I took those. In New York.

546
00:48:53,864 --> 00:48:55,764
They're not very good.

547
00:48:56,967 --> 00:48:59,128
I'm not very good at anything.

548
00:48:59,236 --> 00:49:00,863
<i>I'm not very good at anything.</i>

549
00:49:00,971 --> 00:49:07,604
<i>I'm not very good at anything.</i>
<i>I'm not very good at anything.</i>

550
00:49:09,379 --> 00:49:10,573
Shut up.

551
00:49:12,349 --> 00:49:13,407
What?

552
00:49:15,152 --> 00:49:16,449
Nothing.

553
00:49:35,505 --> 00:49:38,099
<i>One positive thing has come out of this.</i>

554
00:49:39,276 --> 00:49:43,076
<i>Nobody can ever say again</i>
<i>that I'm afraid of trying new things.</i>

555
00:49:43,180 --> 00:49:46,479
Come on, get dressed.
I have to drive you back to Finch's.

556
00:49:49,486 --> 00:49:51,454
I wanna go to my mom's.

557
00:50:13,810 --> 00:50:15,869
You okay with what happened?

558
00:50:18,248 --> 00:50:19,715
Yeah, sure.

559
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:38,531
Well...

560
00:50:40,437 --> 00:50:42,234
Thanks for everything.

561
00:50:48,278 --> 00:50:49,643
Thank you.

562
00:50:50,847 --> 00:50:52,838
Thank you for everything.

563
00:51:34,091 --> 00:51:36,719
Oh, Fern. Fern. Fern...

564
00:51:36,827 --> 00:51:38,658
No, Fern, it's okay.

565
00:51:46,536 --> 00:51:49,027
No, no, no, it's okay.

566
00:51:56,313 --> 00:51:57,803
Augusten. Augusten.

567
00:51:57,914 --> 00:52:01,247
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

568
00:52:01,351 --> 00:52:03,285
Oh, God. God.

569
00:52:23,206 --> 00:52:25,572
I wish you enjoyed school more.

570
00:52:25,675 --> 00:52:29,736
Although I guess it must be very dull
compared to your life with me.

571
00:52:32,482 --> 00:52:35,315
Would you hand me my cover-up? I'm chilly.

572
00:52:39,356 --> 00:52:41,449
Watch it, Augusten!

573
00:52:42,292 --> 00:52:44,658
I've got a lit cigarette in my hand.

574
00:52:45,295 --> 00:52:47,126
Don't act out in anger.

575
00:52:47,931 --> 00:52:50,832
If you're upset by this, talk to me about it.

576
00:52:55,505 --> 00:52:57,598
How could I not have known?

577
00:53:02,012 --> 00:53:04,242
How long has this been happening?

578
00:53:05,182 --> 00:53:08,379
I've been in love with Fern
for a very long time.

579
00:53:09,152 --> 00:53:12,883
Our relationship became physical
a number of weeks ago.

580
00:53:14,424 --> 00:53:17,393
The intimate details
are between me and Fern.

581
00:53:20,664 --> 00:53:24,430
<i>Journal, I'm confused.</i>
<i>How can my mother be with Fern?</i>

582
00:53:26,002 --> 00:53:27,970
<i>Fern drives a Chevy Nova.</i>

583
00:53:31,608 --> 00:53:33,439
I worry about you so.

584
00:53:34,978 --> 00:53:37,105
I worry about you in school.

585
00:53:37,814 --> 00:53:40,874
- The law says you have to go.
- Well, fuck that!

586
00:53:40,984 --> 00:53:43,646
Augusten, please don't smoke
my cigarettes.

587
00:53:44,221 --> 00:53:46,212
You have a pack of your own.

588
00:53:48,858 --> 00:53:51,952
- Although I wish you wouldn't smoke.
- Well, I do.

589
00:54:16,486 --> 00:54:18,977
All my life I've been oppressed, Augusten.

590
00:54:19,089 --> 00:54:22,820
And all my life I've worked hard
to fight that oppression.

591
00:54:22,926 --> 00:54:25,724
When I was a little girl
living in Cairo, Georgia,

592
00:54:25,829 --> 00:54:30,357
I had a black nanny named Elsa who
lived in a shack on the other side of town.

593
00:54:30,467 --> 00:54:33,959
And in those days black people
were called niggers.

594
00:54:34,070 --> 00:54:37,233
And I knew that word "nigger"
was a dirty word.

595
00:54:37,340 --> 00:54:39,934
And I knew it was a word
filled with hatred and anger.

596
00:54:40,043 --> 00:54:43,240
I knew Elsa was no nigger.
I knew it was wrong.

597
00:54:44,247 --> 00:54:47,944
It's taken me all my life
to claim myself as an artist

598
00:54:48,051 --> 00:54:50,110
and to claim myself as a woman.

599
00:54:50,220 --> 00:54:52,313
I have struggled against
the oppression of my mother

600
00:54:52,422 --> 00:54:53,684
and the oppression of your father,

601
00:54:53,790 --> 00:54:58,250
and for the first time in my life
I feel I am truly able to claim myself.

602
00:55:02,499 --> 00:55:07,027
And so, Augusten, I hope I have
your support in my relationship with Fern

603
00:55:07,137 --> 00:55:11,096
because at this stage in my life I do not
need and I will not accept more oppression.

604
00:55:11,207 --> 00:55:12,936
I have spent my entire life
fighting oppression.

605
00:55:13,043 --> 00:55:15,534
I hope I don't have to fight you too.

606
00:55:18,848 --> 00:55:20,543
Can I have $5?

607
00:55:20,650 --> 00:55:22,242
"May I have $5?"

608
00:55:23,687 --> 00:55:24,813
Why?

609
00:55:25,055 --> 00:55:28,183
So I can skip school tomorrow
and go to the movies.

610
00:55:31,828 --> 00:55:34,524
Go get my pocketbook. I'll take a look.

611
00:55:36,466 --> 00:55:38,457
Do you like my new house?

612
00:55:39,436 --> 00:55:41,233
I need high ceilings.

613
00:55:48,278 --> 00:55:52,874
So, you've been spending a lot of time
at the Finches' house.

614
00:55:54,184 --> 00:55:56,982
Are there other options I'm not aware of?

615
00:56:08,531 --> 00:56:09,896
What is this?

616
00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:13,802
Adoption papers.

617
00:56:17,407 --> 00:56:20,638
Dr. Finch has agreed to become
your legal guardian.

618
00:56:22,645 --> 00:56:23,839
What?

619
00:56:28,852 --> 00:56:32,845
After discussing this with the doctor,
we both feel this really is the best option.

620
00:56:32,956 --> 00:56:36,392
He and his family can give you
the attention you need.

621
00:56:39,095 --> 00:56:41,620
You're giving me away to your shrink?

622
00:56:42,999 --> 00:56:44,261
No.

623
00:56:45,335 --> 00:56:48,736
I'm doing what's best for you.
What's best for us.

624
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:52,601
I love you very, very much.

625
00:56:54,444 --> 00:56:58,380
I will always be your parent.
And you will always be my child.

626
00:57:19,869 --> 00:57:22,963
And my fucking father
won't even give me money for food.

627
00:57:23,873 --> 00:57:25,670
He won't take my calls.

628
00:57:25,775 --> 00:57:28,642
Yeah. He's basically worthless.

629
00:57:29,612 --> 00:57:31,239
Just like my mom.

630
00:57:32,282 --> 00:57:34,978
Just like the fucking nuns who beat me.

631
00:57:36,953 --> 00:57:38,045
God.

632
00:57:39,856 --> 00:57:44,589
Sometimes I feel like just taking
a butcher knife and just stabbing them both.

633
00:57:46,463 --> 00:57:48,124
I understand.

634
00:57:50,633 --> 00:57:52,828
You're the only one who does.

635
00:57:54,270 --> 00:57:56,670
How close are you to Bookman, Augusten?

636
00:57:57,674 --> 00:58:01,508
It started out as just friends,
and now it's more than that.

637
00:58:01,945 --> 00:58:03,845
This is a sexual relationship?

638
00:58:07,550 --> 00:58:09,415
Bookman isn't a stable man.

639
00:58:09,519 --> 00:58:13,250
His problems run very, very deep.

640
00:58:13,590 --> 00:58:14,784
He seems okay.

641
00:58:15,091 --> 00:58:17,423
Well, I'm not saying you can't see him.

642
00:58:18,027 --> 00:58:20,825
After all, as you say,
you are already involved.

643
00:58:20,930 --> 00:58:23,956
But I just want you to keep me abreast
of the situation.

644
00:58:24,067 --> 00:58:25,534
Fine.

645
00:58:25,635 --> 00:58:29,162
Now, would you like some of these?

646
00:58:31,674 --> 00:58:32,698
What are they?

647
00:58:32,809 --> 00:58:36,370
Well, I just got some samples in the mail,
so I don't know.

648
00:58:36,479 --> 00:58:37,969
So let me see.

649
00:58:43,419 --> 00:58:48,686
This is mild anti-anxiety medication

650
00:58:48,825 --> 00:58:51,658
which might help you feel a little calmer...

651
00:58:52,362 --> 00:58:53,329
I'm calm.

652
00:58:53,429 --> 00:58:55,454
...when I tell you

653
00:58:55,565 --> 00:58:57,556
you have to go to school.

654
00:58:59,269 --> 00:59:02,932
- I go to school.
- I'm on to your clever tricks, son.

655
00:59:03,039 --> 00:59:06,975
I know you stay until homeroom, when
they do attendance, and then you skip out.

656
00:59:07,076 --> 00:59:09,909
I know when you've been naughty.

657
00:59:12,515 --> 00:59:14,540
What are you, Santa Claus?

658
00:59:19,722 --> 00:59:24,625
If by that you're asking
am I the great patriarch, the father-giver,

659
00:59:24,727 --> 00:59:27,287
who fulfills wishes and challenges dreams

660
00:59:27,397 --> 00:59:31,265
and brings merriment
to those who are suffering,

661
00:59:31,367 --> 00:59:35,701
well, then yes, Augusten, I am Santa Claus.

662
00:59:36,539 --> 00:59:37,972
I'm not going!

663
00:59:38,074 --> 00:59:41,305
You're in junior high, for Christ's sake.
It can't be that bad.

664
00:59:43,613 --> 00:59:45,240
I don't fit in.

665
00:59:53,056 --> 00:59:56,219
Where would we be
without our painful childhoods?

666
00:59:59,896 --> 01:00:02,694
Well, the only loophole, or way I can see
of getting you out of school

667
01:00:02,799 --> 01:00:07,827
for any considerable length of time,
would be for you to commit suicide.

668
01:00:11,674 --> 01:00:14,700
- You want me to kill myself?
- Well, if you try to kill yourself,

669
01:00:14,811 --> 01:00:18,508
I could explain to the school board
that you are psychologically unfit to attend,

670
01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:20,981
and that you needed intensive treatment.

671
01:00:21,484 --> 01:00:24,612
It would be a staged suicide attempt.

672
01:00:24,721 --> 01:00:27,884
Of course, your poor mother would have
to find you and drive you to the hospital,

673
01:00:27,991 --> 01:00:31,552
where you would stay for three weeks,
or a month, for observation.

674
01:00:35,031 --> 01:00:37,659
I don't know, it doesn't... I don't...

675
01:00:38,434 --> 01:00:39,594
Augusten.

676
01:00:40,436 --> 01:00:42,996
Where is your spirit of adventure?

677
01:00:46,442 --> 01:00:47,636
Augusten, stay with us!

678
01:00:47,744 --> 01:00:50,679
You're in a hospital. We gotta get
these pills out of your stomach.

679
01:00:50,780 --> 01:00:51,940
Oh, God, Augusten, wake up!

680
01:00:52,048 --> 01:00:54,642
Don't you die on me! Wake up! Augusten!

681
01:00:54,751 --> 01:00:56,719
Wake up! Wake up!

682
01:01:01,624 --> 01:01:03,785
Please, stop! Please!

683
01:01:06,729 --> 01:01:08,162
No, please!

684
01:01:08,831 --> 01:01:10,423
I can't breathe.

685
01:01:12,835 --> 01:01:15,861
<i>No, get away from me! Get away!</i>