1
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:16,491
[man] You know what my first memory is?
2
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:18,722
Feeling special.
3
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,724
The first time I pooped,
there was applause.
4
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:25,851
When we scribbled something in crayon,
it was a Picasso.
5
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,042
Gold stickers for everyone.
6
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:33,442
C+ in gym? Perfect attendance?
"Hey, here's 100 bucks. "
7
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,762
When we hit a new level on Wave Race,
8
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,321
it was like we won the Olympics.
9
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:41,768
For kids of my generation,
strike three meant one thing:
10
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,604
take your base.
11
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,366
Look out, world.
Here we come.
12
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,761
Closer, closer, closer.
There we go.
13
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:56,524
[woman laughs]
14
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,763
- Look at that.
- Aw, you are so cute together.
15
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,127
Adorable.
So, Jillian,
16
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,363
Will tells us that you are going to
start working at Johnson & Johnson.
17
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,888
- That's fantastic!
- Thank you. Yeah, I'm excited to start.
18
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,122
Sales Analyst.
It sounds so impressive.
19
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,807
Junior Sales Analyst. But the "Junior"
is gonna be gone by Christmas.
20
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:18,327
Ah. And Will's finally being paid
at LA Weekly.
21
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:19,891
- Way to go, you two.
- I know.
22
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,042
I told you guys,
we're a power couple.
23
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,361
Will, there's a little something
to get you started.
24
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:31,804
Wow!
25
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,689
Thanks, Dad.
Thanks, Mom.
26
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:37,731
Will, did I ever tell you
what my first job was?
27
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,167
Was it, by any chance, stacking crates
of tomatoes in a warehouse, Dad?
28
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:41,560
Correct.
29
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,485
Must have been 100 degrees
in that warehouse.
30
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,642
- You know what got me through?
- I'm gonna go with air conditioning.
31
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,848
Air conditioning.
32
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,281
There was one office
that was air conditioned.
33
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,010
High above the floor.
34
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,640
It was for the warehouse supervisor.
35
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,081
And I told myself right then and there,
36
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,767
"I don't know how I'm gonna do it,
but I'm going to get to that office."
37
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,241
Didn't that guy have
a heart attack, Dad?
38
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,647
It was an aneurysm.
The point is, I worked my way up
39
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,202
until I was in charge of the entire
North American supply chain.
40
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,006
I am proof there's nothing
you can't achieve.
41
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,640
Exactly, and that's why
I'm saying this LA Weekly thing
42
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,404
is really just a springboard for me.
43
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,164
'Cause, I mean, I'm gonna dominate
their Web edition.
44
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,085
I've got videos, live blogging,
interactive content.
45
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:27,642
- I'm building my brand.
- Brand?
46
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,768
[music on TV playing]
47
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,084
- You spent the money on a TV?
- Yeah.
48
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,288
That's one of the largest televisions
available on the market today.
49
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,761
Seventy inches. What?
50
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,370
You want to know why
we're not living together?
51
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,885
- Exhibit A.
- Boo!
52
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,531
Hey, J. La.
Was that your sister at graduation?
53
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,205
- No.
- Are you sure?
54
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:52,520
Mm-mm.
55
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,331
I saw her, like, hugging your parents
and giving your dad a little...
56
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,084
I mean, can I get her phone number?
57
00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:00,250
- Is this the iStalkU?
- It's the iSearchU.
58
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,165
- If you could just mind your business.
- What is iStalkU?
59
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,924
The iSearchU?
60
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,248
It's just an app that I'm developing.
61
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,006
Say there's a person that you want to
find, but they don't want to be found.
62
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,731
Like, there's this girl,
and you've called her a million times,
63
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,524
and she just won't return
your messages.
64
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:18,651
My app allows you to send them
a text message and, whoo!
65
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,603
Receive back their exact location.
66
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:25,044
So there's nowhere to hide,
Jillian's sister. Nowhere.
67
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,043
No, you cannot have her number.
68
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,089
I'll find your sister.
69
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,129
You're gonna end up in iJail
getting iRaped.
70
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,170
And I'm gonna handle the iStock IPO!
71
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,129
[all cheering]
72
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,850
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
73
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,321
- You don't even have a job.
- I got a business degree.
74
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,801
Unlike Broke Nuts over here,
I have marketable skills.
75
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,042
Unlike you, Broke Nuts has a job.
76
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,846
I have nine interviews this week.
77
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,922
[bubbling]
78
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,088
Today, it's Morgan Stanley...
79
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,242
[choking]
80
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,810
And Great Pacific.
81
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,047
I love you all.
Get your lives together.
82
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,690
- Good luck, dude.
- Good luck.
83
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:05,010
Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
Would you like to be my guest?
84
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,084
Hi, have we met?
I'm Jillian.
85
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,050
- God. Boo!
- Stop booing me, Charlie.
86
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,202
Just one time.
Just smoke with me.
87
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,169
Make an exception.
We're celebrating.
88
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:19,644
- Charlie got a job today.
- McDonald's or Taco Bell?
89
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,449
[bubbling]
90
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,001
Middle school chemistry teacher.
91
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,606
[whispers] What?
[makes exploding sound]
92
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,206
I weep for our future.
93
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,248
[bell ringing]
94
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,283
[woman in video]
Fuck me in the ass! Fuck me!
95
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,285
Hey, Brian.
96
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,926
Hey, Will.
Looking good, buddy.
97
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,641
We don't have a job for you.
98
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,405
- What do you mean?
- I mean, we don't have a job for you.
99
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:07,641
We've downsized.
100
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,970
Yeah, but I'm perfect for this job.
101
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,891
I'm sorry, Will.
Thank you very much.
102
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,281
Look, Brian, I got three Webisodes
all ready to upload...
103
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,761
"Where to Find the Best Beef Machaca,"
"How to Bike the LA River,"
104
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,201
and "Why Ultimate Frisbee
is More Complex Than Chess."
105
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,125
You're not alone.
I had to let eight people go last week.
106
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,527
Why didn't you tell me?
107
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,808
Honestly, with everything going on
around here, I just...
108
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,804
I forgot. Good.
109
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,287
You forgot? I spent two summers
interning here for free
110
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,882
so that I could have a job waiting
for me after graduation, and you forgot.
111
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,690
Look, I've already told everybody
about this job.
112
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:50,208
I told my friends and my family and my
parents about this job, and you forgot!
113
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,760
Well, guess what, Brian?
You can't do this kind of shit, man!
114
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,808
I deserve to be treated
a little better than this.
115
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,890
And I think you owe me
a little more than "I forgot."
116
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,487
Will...
[laughs]
117
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,289
Uh...
118
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,331
I don't owe you shit.
119
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,329
[explosions]
120
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,802
"Systems administrator"?
No.
121
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,564
"Nuclear pipe technician"?
122
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,848
No, you haven't laid
that much pipe, so...
123
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,207
I've laid a lot of pipe, Charles.
Ask your mother.
124
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,845
Sick burn.
125
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:29,003
- "Unemployment benefits administrator."
- [Ethan] Yeah, dude, that one.
126
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,009
That'd be ironic.
127
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,407
It's not ironic if it's all the time.
128
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,688
You know what's all the time?
Ball taps and kills.
129
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,844
Dude, don't play dirty, man.
Don't play dirty.
130
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,008
Oh, shit.
131
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,164
Dude, I honestly have no idea
what any of this shit means.
132
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,005
Well, you better figure it out soon.
The rent is due Friday.
133
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:50,881
I know. I just need something to keep
the lights on until I find my dream job.
134
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,884
I don't think you can
monetize masturbation.
135
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,650
It was too good.
136
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,246
Oh, here's something
in the hospitality industry.
137
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,607
You don't have any sort
of medical degree.
138
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,802
[sirens wailing]
139
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,367
Okay, there's a gun in the drawer,
but you probably won't need it.
140
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,409
All right.
Good night, kid.
141
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,365
[knocking]
142
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,808
There are Negroes on this boat!
143
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,720
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- [blows raspberry]
144
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,525
You the new guy?
145
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,041
- Uh, yeah, I am new.
- Skeezy D.
146
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,724
- Will.
- [jingling]
147
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,640
Three rooms.
Keep the change.
148
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,001
Girl, you better treat this man right.
149
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:48,730
He was in Vietnam.
150
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,325
Korea.
151
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,687
Get in there and bust a nut,
Hawkeye Pierce!
152
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:58,084
Hell, Cheryl's one of my best girls.
153
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,289
- Hard worker?
- That pussy comes correct.
154
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,164
- Where'd you meet her?
- Met her at my last gig.
155
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,847
- Which... where was that?
- Borders.
156
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,287
- [chuckles]
- Hmm?
157
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,169
Borders...
Borders bookstore?
158
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,800
Listen, man,
shit went sideways, okay?
159
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,691
Everybody was out of work.
I had to get out of there real quick.
160
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,127
So, why "Skeezy D"?
161
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:28,650
Men who hire prostitutes
aren't paying them for sex, Will.
162
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,361
They're paying for danger.
163
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,330
They're paying to feel alive.
164
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,961
Hey, motherfucker,
you better pay my bitch what you owe.
165
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:47,890
They're paying
for a certain joie de vivre.
166
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,246
Joie de vivre?
167
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:51,406
That's French.
168
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,241
[slurping]
169
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,482
[sirens]
170
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,250
[tires screeching]
171
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,609
[shotgun cocking]
172
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,647
[Skeezy] I'm not resisting arrest.
Okay, I'm not resisting arrest.
173
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,326
Okay, I'm not resisting arrest.
I'm not.
174
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,164
I'm not. I'm not.
175
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,129
Hey, bitch, we had a deal!
176
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,408
You were renting out rooms to hookers?
177
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,130
- Skeezy said they're here every...
- No, no.
178
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,123
That's not the kind of establishment
I'm running here.
179
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,442
Read the sign there, kid.
It says "No prostitution."
180
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,126
That clearly includes hookers.
181
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,521
You're fired.
182
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:38,366
I'm sorry, Officer. I just got to be
a little more careful about who I hire.
183
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,522
- You do that.
- Yeah. Will do. Will do.
184
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,087
Thanks for everything you do, Officer.
185
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,365
Sorry, kid.
186
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,688
Shit rolls downhill.
You know what I'm saying?
187
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:52,367
You get it. You get it.
You'll be all right.
188
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,482
Son of a bitch!
189
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:01,044
- [Will] Hey, Dad?
- [father] Hmm?
190
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:03,963
I gotta ask you for money.
191
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,082
Will, you're a grown-up now.
192
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,322
I'm not gonna give you
any more money.
193
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,608
Dad, what am I supposed to do?
You want me to go
194
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,682
- sell my body on the street?
- [groans]
195
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,531
Enough of the life lessons here, man.
I am broke.
196
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,245
I literally have no money
for anything.
197
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,526
I lost my job.
198
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,366
Are you serious?
199
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,244
Afraid so.
200
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,442
Well, what happened?
201
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,570
Apparently, I was so successful
202
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,802
at streamlining
the beverage supply chain
203
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,567
that I made my own job obsolete.
Hmm.
204
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,284
So, what are you gonna do?
205
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,488
I'm going to get a job!
206
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,689
I'm gonna follow my ABC's,
stay positive,
207
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,207
and in the interim, look!
208
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,887
I can tackle all the chores
I never had time for.
209
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,962
[music pounding]
210
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,362
You guys gotta get your lives together.
211
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:14,086
Top 1%, here I come, baby!
212
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,762
Hey, this guy got a job.
213
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:21,367
It's called Top Deck Securities.
I start clerking next month.
214
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,410
If I kick ass,
I'll be making trades by December.
215
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,848
From this point on, it's gonna be
coffee and cocaine for me, baby.
216
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,287
- Whoo!
- Do you take change for dollars?
217
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,169
No, no. Keep it.
You worked hard.
218
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,322
You've got an incredible
amount of torque.
219
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,560
[popping]
220
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,642
You deserve so much more money
than this,
221
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,127
but I'm on a teacher's salary.
222
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,441
Hey.
223
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:45,965
Hey!
224
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,327
If you want to see the show,
you gotta pay for it.
225
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,410
No, I'm just here for the free buffet.
226
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:55,002
The buffet is free 'cause you're
supposed to be spending money on me.
227
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,006
I guess I found a loophole.
228
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,687
- Your friend's got an attitude.
- He's out of work.
229
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,320
So buy him a lap dance
to cheer him up.
230
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,845
- [slapping]
- [Charlie] Ooh.
231
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,201
- Yeah.
- I'd like to get to know you sometime.
232
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,681
- [Luke] Don't get her pregnant.
- Oh, hey, look.
233
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,530
- I have a girlfriend.
- [Luke] Yo, Will!
234
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,085
[laughs]
235
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,764
- So, you're looking for a job?
- Yeah.
236
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:29,084
What would you do if you won the lottery
and never had to work again?
237
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,720
- I don't know.
- What's your passion?
238
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:32,961
[grunts]
239
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,566
What do you love to do?
240
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,166
I like to make funny YouTube videos.
241
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,044
Oh, if you like making YouTube videos,
242
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,407
why aren't you looking
for corporate video work?
243
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,643
Corporate?
Yeah, I don't do corporate.
244
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,882
Listen, babe.
245
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:52,807
When you're first starting out,
you gotta stay flexible.
246
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,888
- Do you know what we do here, Hamilton?
- Trade stocks.
247
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,202
Wrong. We make money.
[whistles]
248
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:09,490
This is Hamilton.
He is clerking for us.
249
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,808
I had to shit-can
that other douchebag
250
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,725
because, well, I couldn't stand
looking at his face anymore.
251
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,680
- Put all your orders in through him.
- Wait, I get to put in orders?
252
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,083
- More than you can imagine.
- Hell, yeah.
253
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:24,320
Go across the street,
get me three triple espressos.
254
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,442
Put three sugars in each one.
None of that Splenda shit.
255
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,409
- I want the real thing.
- Go to Fatburger.
256
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,449
Get me 12 double XLs
with extra cheese,
257
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,921
12 chili-cheese fat fries,
nine milk shakes.
258
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,851
Hey, go to 7-Eleven. Pick me up
25 Black Cherry lottery tickets.
259
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,361
Fifteen grand top prize.
You scratch them off.
260
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,170
Start from the bottom.
Odd numbers first.
261
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:44,484
- Go! Go, go, go...
- [man] Still here? Still here?
262
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,323
And I better fucking win!
263
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:51,965
[Jillian] What are you doing?
264
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,567
- [Will] I need a sexy video of you.
- Yeah, I don't think so.
265
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,883
I made an appointment
to donate sperm. What?
266
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,362
Your best idea for making rent
is masturbating into a cup?
267
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,568
I'm an accomplished masturbator.
268
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,802
Will, I don't know
what's going on with you.
269
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,400
At school, you always had
a million different things going on.
270
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,761
Your energy was contagious.
It's what I loved about you.
271
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,403
And right now, it feels like you're just
flailing around, making it up as you go.
272
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,927
I saw a job counselor last week.
273
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,090
Really? A job counselor?
274
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:27,245
And she was all over me about
forming a strategy, and just really...
275
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,243
She rode me to stay flexible,
276
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,290
and so we decided to focus
on corporate video work.
277
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,762
I sent out my résumé.
I should start interviewing next week.
278
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:37,922
Come here.
279
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,607
Do you remember Ultimate Frisbee?
Not the districts, the regionals.
280
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,604
I made that 50-yard huck to Sullivan.
It was an awesome pass.
281
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,810
- I don't know what we're talking about.
- What I'm saying is, don't worry.
282
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,201
I'm at my best when my back
is against the wall.
283
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,488
This isn't college, Will.
284
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,283
Please, I need you to step up.
285
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,966
[man] Thirty years, one company.
Wow!
286
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,522
An employer sees this,
and they see a dinosaur.
287
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:12,164
Well, I can't say that
I agree with you there, Fernando.
288
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,402
- Fernando. Fernando.
- It's Fernando?
289
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,921
You should do whatever you can
to look younger.
290
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,923
For starters, lose the beard.
291
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,890
An image consult is included
with the Platinum Package.
292
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,168
We'll give you a workstation,
some place to go every morning.
293
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:29,810
And we will produce a video résumé
that will set you above the rabble.
294
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:33,566
But all of that is just preparation
for the main event.
295
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,282
Wilheimer has an 85%
placement rate, Mr. Davis.
296
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,171
- Wow!
- How do you think we make that number?
297
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,766
- Well, I...
- That's a rhetorical question.
298
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:47,931
While everyone else is out there
wasting their time,
299
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,321
meeting mid-level H R hacks,
300
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,927
Wilheimer will be putting you
in front of the person
301
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:58,085
who can pull the trigger
and actually hire you.
302
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,891
- The decision maker?
- The decision maker.
303
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,644
- [chuckles]
- [knocks on desk]
304
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,769
- That's right. Well...
- I like it.
305
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,161
Bottom line, how much
are we talking here?
306
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:15,651
Oh, the Platinum Package
is a one-time fee of $30,000.
307
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,163
- [laughing]
- [chuckles]
308
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,124
No, seriously,
how much are we talking?
309
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,885
[music playing in coffeehouse]
310
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,085
Hey, there!
311
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,931
- Tough day?
- What?
312
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,721
No.
313
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,404
No, no, no.
314
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,121
A tough day is just
an unrealized great day.
315
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,850
[laughs]
316
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,611
Well, then, I'm gonna hook you up
with some Rockin' Moroccan.
317
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,649
- It's like legal hash.
- Oh.
318
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:12,966
I'm Cammy.
What's your name?
319
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,282
- Roger.
- Roger that.
320
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:18,280
Oh, to go, please.
321
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:19,771
[phone ringing]
322
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,170
Hello?
323
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,169
Oh, hey, honey.
How are you?
324
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:27,924
I'm at the office.
325
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,203
Oh, that music?
Yeah, well, I...
326
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,482
That's, uh...
[chuckles]
327
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,927
You know Jerry.
He's just trying to jazz up his...
328
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,003
I should get back
to that meeting, honey.
329
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,009
I'll see you in a few hours, okay?
330
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,521
I love you too. Bye.
331
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,205
Uh...
332
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,760
That was my wife.
333
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:54,249
Well, look, we have free Wi-Fi
and three-prong outlets out the wazoo.
334
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,646
So...
335
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,807
And, uh... don't worry, Rog.
336
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,566
No one here has a job.
337
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,091
Thank you.
338
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,409
You children may begin.
339
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,690
Now, the goal of this experiment
is to create an even coating,
340
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,566
no excess charring,
and no cold spots.
341
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,762
I mean it, Dayjon.
342
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,969
And remember, don't stare in the flame
for too long, because it will...
343
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,880
steal your soul.
344
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,042
Let me see that. Yeah.
345
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,686
Mm.
346
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,331
That is close to perfection.
347
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,882
- Mr. Baxter?
- Stop calling me that!
348
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,605
It's Charlie, okay?
349
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,491
Okay, Charlie.
350
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,928
Why do all of our experiments
involve making food?
351
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,846
I get the munchies after free period.
352
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,847
- Any more questions, Sergeant Buzzkill?
- No.
353
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,684
- [woman] Mr. Baxter?
- It's Charlie!
354
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,763
My sixth grade basketball coach
just quit.
355
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,524
You interested in the position?
356
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,002
I'm sorry, do I look like someone
with free time on his hands?
357
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,605
It's an extra $100 a week.
358
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,961
They will prosper under my tutelage.
359
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:41,087
[screaming]
360
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,970
Tanya Sellers, Human Resources.
361
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,880
Sorry it took me so long
to get back to you.
362
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,243
We received close to 1,000 résumés
for the videographer position.
363
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,402
- I was just glad that you called.
- Oh.
364
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,369
Katherine Dunn oversees
our video services,
365
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,522
but she's in China
on a leadership conference,
366
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,968
so you get a nonstop flight
to the decision maker himself,
367
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,531
Lawrence Wilheimer.
368
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,008
He's a legend in executive placement.
He revolutionized the game.
369
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,686
- Make sure you check out his package.
- His retirement package?
370
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,003
His package-package.
He's hung like a fucking minotaur.
371
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,320
[whispering] Fat.
372
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,326
- William Davis.
- Yes, sir.
373
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,201
"Vast experience in all aspects
of video production."
374
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,169
Could you elaborate on that?
375
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,924
Well, sir, for the past seven years,
376
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,726
I've been producing
original video content for YouTube.
377
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,968
- YouTube?
- Yes, sir.
378
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,567
I think YouTube is the perfect training
ground for producing video résumés
379
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,369
that really stand out from the crowd.
380
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,683
And clients of Southern California's
premiere executive placement firm
381
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,410
deserve those kind of résumés.
382
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,600
Ones that grab the employer's attention,
don't let go.
383
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,324
Even if they say "uncle."
384
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,404
So, hire William Davis,
and your clients will...
385
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,045
[phone chimes]
386
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,963
Hire William Davis,
and your clients will rise above
387
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,201
- the rest of the...
- [phone chimes]
388
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,402
I'm so sorry about that.
Uh, hire William Davis,
389
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,245
and your clients will rise above and...
390
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,880
- That's what you want, right?
- [phone chimes]
391
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,323
My girlfriend and I are having a fight.
Do you mind if I...
392
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,485
What could be more important?
393
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,166
Thank you, sir.
That's what I'm saying.
394
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,403
And send.
395
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,210
So, where were we?
396
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,489
I was showing you the door,
Mr. Davis.
397
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,085
That's it over there.
398
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,650
Okay.
Uh... thank you.
399
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,564
Uh, look, sir...
I mean, I don't think...
400
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,007
I don't know if this is the exact
subject matter that you're looking for,
401
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,288
but I think that this really
showcases my abilities
402
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,240
to recognize what's unique
about an individual
403
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,523
and how to foreground that
for the marketplace.
404
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,168
[Will] What is your business philosophy?
405
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,480
♪ [hip-hop music plays]
406
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,166
It is all about customer satisfaction.
407
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:03,882
We are basically
the Burlington Coat Factory of bitches.
408
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,804
I got bitches on layaway,
you know what I'm saying?
409
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,406
For $599,
you can mark down a bitch.
410
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,848
[Will] All right, hey, just, you know,
be careful with it, man.
411
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,648
[Charlie] I really
don't like these guys.
412
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,200
Watch your fingerprints.
Are you serious?
413
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,567
That's a big-boy TV.
Come on, man.
414
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,121
- Use an HDMI cord. Don't use...
- Thanks, bro.
415
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,680
- [phone ringing]
- Take care of my TV, bro.
416
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,041
- Yeah, this is Will.
- Will, Tanya, from Wilheimer.
417
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,403
- Are you calling about my interview?
- Sure am.
418
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,087
- Mr. Wilheimer pressing charges?
- You're in, player!
419
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,400
- What?
- You're in.
420
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:43,565
Starting salary is $26, 000, partial
health benefits kick in after 90 days.
421
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:44,641
[engine starting]
422
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,245
Wait, are you saying
that I have a job?
423
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,051
- That's what I'm saying.
- Oh, yo! Wait, wait, wait!
424
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,123
Hello, you got good news.
425
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,648
Tell Will he gets the job
as soon as he passes a drug test.
426
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,451
Drug test?
Is it multiple choice?
427
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,641
- Will.
- Hey, what's up, Dad?
428
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,721
What's going on?
429
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:09,881
I got a job.
430
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,042
Hey!
431
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,129
- That's great!
- I know.
432
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,408
It's at this place called Wilheimer.
They do job placement.
433
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,325
Oh, yeah.
I've heard good things.
434
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,006
I just need one thing...
435
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,923
and I'm good to go.
436
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,330
- You're smoking pot?
- I'm an occasional user!
437
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,164
I never smoke and drive!
438
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:33,041
And you want me to urinate into this
bottle so that you can pass a drug test?
439
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,486
Goddamn it!
440
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:35,931
Dad, look,
there's no one else I can ask.
441
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,730
I'm hanging by
a thread with Jillian, plus
442
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,370
they might be
able to screen for gender.
443
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,928
Ethan is tainted, Luke is unclean,
and Charlie's radioactive.
444
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,286
What am I supposed to do?
445
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:45,720
Get new friends!
446
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,211
I have a job.
447
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,925
I've a real job for a real company.
448
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,923
The kind of job that you've
been bugging me to get for years.
449
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,120
And if I don't produce
an immaculate cup of urine...
450
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,288
- Shh!
- It's back to the unemployment line.
451
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,647
- Is that what you want?
- No, it's not what I want.
452
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,486
You know that. I just don't
feel comfortable doing this.
453
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:03,491
Okay.
454
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,005
Air conditioning, so...
455
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,367
- No.
- It was 100 degrees in that warehouse,
456
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,480
and you did whatever it took
to get off the floor.
457
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,921
And that's what I'm doing.
That's what I'm doing.
458
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:13,889
I'm doing what you told me.
459
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,009
What happened to you?
460
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,242
Hey, I just pulled a hammy.
461
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,129
- Pounding box?
- What?
462
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,442
Pounding box?
Putting it in that pussy.
463
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,090
Giving it to her. Yeah.
464
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,561
No, I was hitting the gym.
465
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,490
- Hitting those weights.
- All right.
466
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,808
- Ready to make it rain?
- Ready as I'll ever be.
467
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:05,690
What are you doing?
468
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,049
I'm required to be in here,
in case you try some monkey business.
469
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,170
Okay. Are you gonna
come in the stall with me too?
470
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:15,409
No stall, baby doll.
You gotta rock out with that cock out.
471
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,006
I'll just be right behind here,
listening close.
472
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,409
Okay, I kind of have a shy bladder.
473
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,689
Oh, that's too bad,
because you have 30 seconds.
474
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,285
Starting now!
475
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,122
If you're having trouble,
just think of waterfalls!
476
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:39,123
Or, like, fire hoses just
blasting water out.
477
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,568
22, 21...
478
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,291
Think of, like, things gushing!
479
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,289
Or, like, squirting.
480
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,687
18, 17...
481
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:55,004
You know, I'm a squirter, but only if
I'm, like, comfortable with a person.
482
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,441
[Will grunts]
483
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:01,127
Ten, nine, eight,
484
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:05,444
seven, six, five...
485
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,160
All right, that's enough!
I'm coming in!
486
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,440
Oh.
487
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:09,601
Got it!
488
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:14,044
Hi-ho, Silver.
Brrr!
489
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,120
- Oh! Wow!
- [both panting]
490
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,089
[Will] Whew!
491
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,803
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit. Whew!
492
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,281
Man, I should get a job more often.
493
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,051
- Fuck, yeah!
- Fuck, yeah! That was awesome.
494
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:35,850
I have something else for you.
495
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,240
- Back door?
- Ha!
496
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:38,970
- Yeah, I'll go get my strap-on.
- Okay.
497
00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:40,326
You love it!
498
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:45,044
What is this?
499
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,126
- Oh.
- Can I see it?
500
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,282
Yeah, yeah. Of course.
501
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,280
Oh, baby.
502
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,124
My unique skill set allows me
to seamlessly integrate
503
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,601
into a range of management structures,
504
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,321
which makes me highly employable
in today's marketplace.
505
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:14,241
Uh, mainly I've found that dealing
with people is my best skill.
506
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:17,648
Um, I have a lot of charisma.
507
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:24,166
An ordinary man takes everything
as a blessing or a curse.
508
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,449
A warrior takes it as a challenge.
509
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,602
Um... who are you?
510
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,244
Exciting stuff.
511
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:43,686
Yeah, it's riveting.
512
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,171
Just follow the boilerplate,
and you'll be fine.
513
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,642
Clients choose from three backgrounds.
Skyline.
514
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:56,169
There's also Corner Office
and Bookshelf.
515
00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:58,681
Corner Office and Bookshelf.
Got it.
516
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,368
I made a video in here once.
517
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,051
And I'm not the only one.
518
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,521
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
519
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,120
Oh, Mr. Wilheimer, I wanted
to thank you for this opportunity.
520
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,209
Oh, well, always on the lookout
for fresh talent, Will.
521
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:18,691
Just one thing.
522
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,531
Could you put me in touch
with that fellow from your video?
523
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,370
The... mm.
524
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,762
Yes, sir.
In six months to a year.
525
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,160
Depending on good behavior.
526
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,367
[boy grunting]
527
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,363
[balls bouncing]
528
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:47,331
[kids grunting]
529
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,404
What the fuck?
What the fuck!
530
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,646
How is it possible to be this bad?
531
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,404
Ball.
532
00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:58,721
Okay.
533
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,565
Kwan, let's review the basics.
534
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:04,842
- Give and go!
- Ow!
535
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:08,410
Jesus Christ.
536
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:16,047
Big Stuff, anyone ever show you
how to set a pick?
537
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:17,247
No.
538
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,044
Get ready to bring some pain.
539
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,290
Hamilton!
540
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:34,771
Come here!
541
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,885
This is deer scent.
542
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,247
I use it out in the wild when I hunt.
543
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:43,929
I use it in here,
544
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:47,971
when I think a clerk
is ready for his very own desk.
545
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,445
Drink it.
546
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,608
[all chattering]
547
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:57,280
Hold it!
548
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,722
I'm gonna go ahead and let him
make up his own mind.
549
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,362
Do you want your own desk?
550
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,486
Or do you want to be a fucking clerk
the rest of your life?
551
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,484
Your call.
552
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,283
[chattering resumes]
553
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,010
Two-to-one he drinks the deer cum.
554
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,403
Deer cum?
555
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,847
Drink it.
Drink the deer cum.
556
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:33,809
Deer cum.
557
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,804
[all chanting] Deer cum!
Deer cum! Deer cum!
558
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,206
[all cheering]
559
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,688
[man 1 ] Uh-oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I think it's coming back up.
560
00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:59,968
[man 2] 500 bucks says he gonna hurl.
561
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:02,521
Breathe.
562
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,602
You like that nutty taste in your
mouth?
563
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,842
- [gags]
- Oh, that's Bambi batter.
564
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,450
[man 1 ] Give it to me.
565
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,682
- Roll it around.
- [gags]
566
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,521
- Oh!
- [all cheering]
567
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,484
[all exclaiming]
568
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:31,121
[man 3 laughing]
Awesome!
569
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:33,925
[burps]
570
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:45,730
[man 3] Did you see the arc on that?
571
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,047
♪ [music in game plays]
572
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,281
You're my bitch.
573
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,169
Hey, guys, you're gonna want
to pause the game for this.
574
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:52,890
- Ethan, what are you doing, man?
- Come on, man!
575
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,611
It's a game of Halo!
Relax, I've got something to show you.
576
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:57,921
- Wait!
- Come on, move.
577
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,923
- ♪ Bong, bong, bong, bong
- This better be good.
578
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,571
♪ [both to tune of Carol of the Bells]
Bong, bong, bong, bong
579
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,847
- Whoa!
- ♪ Bong, bong, bong, bong
580
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:06,081
Oh, my God!
581
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,163
Dude, I found some extra tubing
in my chem class.
582
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:09,725
I put my little boys and girls to work.
583
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:11,769
- Nice!
- What's the special occasion?
584
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:13,560
Yeah, we're celebrating me
getting a desk.
585
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,887
- Oh, that's right.
- And me buying an island.
586
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,040
- [Will] You're not buying an island.
- [Ethan] No?
587
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,208
Because I met someone who knows
Warren Buffett's bridge partner.
588
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,442
I'm gonna offer him some stock
from my company
589
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,887
in exchange for Warren Buffett's
cell phone number.
590
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,520
I'm gonna iSearchU Warren Buffett,
pitch him my app,
591
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,445
gain access to billions of dollars
in venture capital,
592
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,604
buy my island,
and populate it with porn stars.
593
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,081
I'm sorry I doubted you.
594
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,641
- No, you didn't know the plan.
- I didn't know the plan.
595
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,322
Rick. What's up, man?
596
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:50,601
Oh, Will, this is Katherine Dunn,
Vice President of our Client Services.
597
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,969
It's good to have you back.
Get ready to have your mind blown.
598
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,646
Because I'm taking video résumés
to the next level.
599
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,723
Okay? Ready for this?
600
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,564
♪ [music plays]
601
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,883
People think accountants are a bunch
of number-crunching nerds,
602
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,485
but I'm a jazz buff.
603
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:12,406
I like to think of the tax code
as my instrument.
604
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,245
♪ [jazz music playing]
605
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:45,040
I'm Tom Wilson,
at tomwilsonaccountant. com.
606
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,006
That was quite impactful.
607
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:52,321
So, what do we think?
608
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:53,880
I think it makes him seem youthful.
609
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,160
Yeah, until now,
I always thought of Tom as a total dud.
610
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,883
This is an executive placement firm,
Mr. Davis,
611
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,281
not MTV.
612
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,847
Yeah, nobody's going to hire this guy
because of his personality.
613
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,241
Yeah, he needs to look professional.
614
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,284
Everyone's always loved
the old résumés, so...
615
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,969
You seem to have mistaken this video
616
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:21,205
as an opportunity
to express yourself, Mr. Davis.
617
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:25,126
From now on, you will follow
the guidebook to the letter.
618
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:29,126
Yeah, I found the guidebook
to be kind of limiting.
619
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,284
I wrote the guidebook, Mr. Davis.
620
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,249
And while I have you here,
621
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,041
there are some issues of comportment
that apparently need clarification.
622
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,443
You will maintain
a professional appearance.
623
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,769
That means a suit and a tie.
624
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,651
It does not mean sneakers.
625
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,371
It does not mean khakis.
626
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:57,081
It does not mean that unwashed rag
you call a T-shirt.
627
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,086
Got it.
628
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,725
"Got it"?
629
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:03,601
Understood?
630
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:07,321
[inaudible]
631
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,607
And while I was away,
632
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:14,163
I was a recipient of several
of your reply-all e-mails.
633
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:18,086
They were inappropriate, offensive,
634
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:22,211
and most of all, not funny.
635
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:26,365
Nobody wants a birthday spanking
from you, Mr. Davis.
636
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:35,082
And finally, I took a look
at your Facebook page
637
00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:38,449
and was confronted
with this sordid image.
638
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:43,521
I was there for the buffet.
639
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:49,441
You are an employee
of this company, Mr. Davis.
640
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:53,764
Your behavior must conform
to the exacting standards
641
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,248
of the Wilheimer
Executive Placement Firm.
642
00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,801
- Is that understood?
- Understood.
643
00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:02,440
- Understood?
- Understood.
644
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,763
Hi, Pearl. Roger Davis.
645
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:10,763
Is Mr. Gentry in?
646
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:12,729
He's not? Okay.
647
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:16,123
Do you know if he's had a chance
to look at my résumé yet?
648
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,888
Regional Distribution Manager,
Scanner and Disk Duplicator Division?
649
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,969
No. Okay.
Um...
650
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:32,291
Do you know if he received the package
of Rockin' Moroccan coffee that...
651
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,603
Oh, hello?
Okay, why don't you hang up first?
652
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,369
- Hey!
- Hey.
653
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:42,885
Hi, buddy!
654
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,406
Come on into my office here.
655
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,170
Cammy, come on over.
656
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,971
This is Will.
Will, this is my friend, Cammy.
657
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,282
Hey, Will.
How's the job working out?
658
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,881
- Uh, it's good.
- Good.
659
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:57,883
Dad, what did you do to your beard?
660
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:01,522
Well, I lost two jobs in a week
to people in their 30s.
661
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:05,730
So Cammy volunteered
to make me look ten years younger.
662
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,282
Gothic Raven.
What do you think? Hmm?
663
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:11,328
Yeah.
664
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:13,164
Cammy, are you helping him out
with his Twitter feed, too?
665
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:15,129
Oh, Rog doesn't need any help.
666
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,170
Yeah? I think Rog needs
a little bit of help.
667
00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:22,404
"My friend Jim lost his mother
yesterday. LOL, Jim."
668
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,642
What? "Lots of love."
669
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:27,081
It's okay.
You want another one, Rog?
670
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,606
Keep them coming.
Oh, one for Will, too, please.
671
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,842
- Oh, yeah.
- I'm okay, whoever you are.
672
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:33,922
So, what's up?
673
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,844
Well, my supervisor's back from leave,
and she is a total ballbuster.
674
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:38,684
I mean, she was on my ass
about my e-mails,
675
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,762
and my Facebook page,
and how I dress in front of everybody.
676
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:42,842
It was humiliating.
677
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,082
Wait, this isn't how you dress
at work, is it?
678
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:48,488
Dad, I'm the video guy.
Who cares what I look like?
679
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:51,769
Look, just stop, okay?
Stop for a second.
680
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:56,562
Your clients pay $30,000
for your services.
681
00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:58,210
They care what you look like.
682
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:01,523
You need to conform to their standards,
not the other way around.
683
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:05,321
And the fact that you can't grasp that
is mind-boggling!
684
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:07,886
What is up with you?
685
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,362
What is up with me is,
I've sent out hundreds of résumés,
686
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,807
and I've gotten only three interviews.
687
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:17,123
What is up with me is,
I don't want to hear you bitch and moan
688
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,204
that your employer makes you act
in a professional manner.
689
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:21,811
That is what's up with me.
690
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,122
Okay, Dad, well, look,
I'm sorry for telling you how I feel.
691
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:25,526
I didn't know just because
I have a job
692
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:27,090
and you don't that
you wouldn't listen to me.
693
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:31,410
Oh, I'm listening, all right,
but all I hear is a spoiled little brat!
694
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:33,686
Okay.
695
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,205
You look like Billy Mays.
696
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,411
- I look like Willie Mays?
- You look like Billy Mays!
697
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:45,528
Who's Billy Mays?
698
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,447
If you're gonna tell someone off,
make it clear!
699
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,443
What do you think?
700
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,843
Hot. Very, very hot.
701
00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:11,527
They're Prada.
702
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:13,489
They were $779.
703
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,248
I know. I just...
704
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,321
I just want them
to take me seriously at work.
705
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:24,086
Everybody takes you seriously.
706
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,366
- They do?
- Yes, they do.
707
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,443
Sophomore year.
708
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,649
We're running Ultimate Frisbee drills
down in the lounge.
709
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,121
Ethan comes in and says
that there's a situation
710
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,248
- that I need to handle downstairs.
- Mm.
711
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:43,486
So, I go downstairs,
and I see this tiny little person
712
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:45,528
in pajamas and slippers,
713
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:49,047
and she is so, so angry.
714
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,410
Um, I was trying to study.
715
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:56,566
The moment that I saw you, I knew that
you were someone to take seriously.
716
00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:02,961
What are you gonna do
about work, Will?
717
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:53,724
Have a nice day, boys!
718
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,761
[thunder rumbling]
719
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:01,320
Hey!
Ooh, it's coming down.
720
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,600
- Look at you.
- Yeah, right?
721
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:08,243
Look at you.
722
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,283
Oh, yeah.
[chuckles]
723
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,806
- Yeah, looks good.
- Well... Thanks.
724
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:17,522
- So, is anything good here?
- Oh, everything's good here.
725
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:18,965
- Really?
- Yeah.
726
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,287
Can I get two pork and bean burritos,
727
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,249
four beef machacas,
and two beers?
728
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:28,004
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I'm paying for our...
729
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:29,684
No, you're not.
Tonight's on me.
730
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:35,881
Hmm.
731
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,725
Mm. Oh, man.
732
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:40,882
This is my first machaca.
It's great.
733
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,564
[laughs]
734
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,042
- Hey, Dad.
- Mm-hm.
735
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:47,690
I'm sorry about last week.
736
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,210
Yeah, me too.
737
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:58,241
Could we get some beer, please?
Two tequila shots.
738
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,169
Let's get hammered.
739
00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:02,241
Cheers.
740
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,400
Drink up.
741
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,486
- [Will] Fuck. Yeah, it's all right.
- [Roger] See?
742
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:11,360
All right, Dad.
You know why we're doing this?
743
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:12,561
- Why?
- We're doing this
744
00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,324
so that what's-his-name...
745
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:15,640
- Your...
- Oh, my guy?
746
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,491
James Gentry.
The decision maker.
747
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,331
Right. So James Gentry
can find out who you are.
748
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,165
Yeah.
Who am I?
749
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,289
You're a great man.
750
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:33,726
You supported me my whole life, Dad.
Let me repay the favor, please.
751
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:37,207
Okay.
752
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,089
- Okay. Ready?
- Okay.
753
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,487
- Do this again, that makes me know.
- Yeah, okay.
754
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:45,762
- Let's press record.
- [clears throat]
755
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,571
- Go.
- My name is Roger Davis.
756
00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:52,884
- I'm very punctual, and faithful...
- [laughs]
757
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,964
Oh, God!
I'm so terrible at this.
758
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:57,405
God!
759
00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:02,441
I need to do something productive.
760
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:06,610
Something worthwhile.
761
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,444
Really all it's about.
762
00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:15,527
Do you know, work has always
been more important to me
763
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:17,523
than anyone else I know?
764
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:21,082
It just has.
I love it. I love it.
765
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,965
[laughs]
766
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:25,525
[sighs]
767
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,763
I just need to get into
the employer and see them.
768
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,327
Do you know?
One-on-one.
769
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,563
And if they can just
somehow get to know me,
770
00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:35,846
just even a little bit,
771
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,049
then they would know
why they should hire me.
772
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:43,484
That is the goal.
That's the goal.
773
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,685
So, anyway, I'm sorry.
I'm blabbering on.
774
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,683
All right, we need to do this.
775
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,491
- All right.
- No, we're good.
776
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:56,005
No, I'll try it,
I'll try it.
777
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,367
Dad, another time.
778
00:43:58,440 --> 00:43:59,680
All right.
779
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:02,571
If I drink anymore of this,
this is not going to go well.
780
00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:04,245
- Well, we got six more to go.
- Whoa!
781
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:06,527
[Will] Yeah!
782
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:09,763
- You did that on purpose, didn't you?
- [Will] Whoo!
783
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:12,161
- Absolutely!
- [Roger] You did!
784
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:14,561
You did, too.
785
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:17,644
[beeping]
786
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:20,007
[beeping rapidly]
787
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:28,930
[exhales]
788
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:34,087
- Good afternoon, Mr. Buffett.
- [Buffett] Oh, jeez!
789
00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:36,600
I am sure you're wondering
how I knew that you were in town.
790
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,923
Because you read it
in the LA Times?
791
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,411
[whispers] Damn it!
792
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:44,404
Actually, through the use
of GPS triangulation,
793
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,562
my app, the iSearchU,
794
00:44:46,720 --> 00:44:48,324
allowed me to send you a text message
795
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,209
and receive back your exact location,
796
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,647
right down to this stall.
It's incredible!
797
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:56,043
You know Foursquare
does that already, right?
798
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:57,486
No, no, no.
You don't get it.
799
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,246
Foursquare lets you
tell other people where you are.
800
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:03,961
My app tells me where you are
even if you don't want me to know.
801
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:05,929
It's a game changer, sir, okay?
802
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,128
I'm telling you,
if you say yes right now,
803
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:11,204
I can promise you
50-50 in my company.
804
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,967
60-40.
805
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:18,849
You drive a hard bargain, sir.
806
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,401
65-35, last offer.
807
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,609
You know...
I like it.
808
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,125
You do?
809
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,442
Let me text my people.
810
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:33,728
Oh, my God!
I knew that you would like it.
811
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:36,804
You're the Oracle of Omaha.
You are a visionary like me, sir.
812
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,207
This is incredible.
813
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:40,850
What the fuck is this?
814
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:42,570
What the fuck? Hey!
815
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:43,846
[shouting] Oh! Hey!
816
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:45,888
Who has security guards
when they take shits?
817
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,929
What the fuck
is wrong with you, Buffett?
818
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:50,321
You can't hide
from the iStalkU!
819
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,164
[Ethan] Buffett!
820
00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:56,921
Double-shot white chocolate mocha
with extra cream.
821
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:58,889
Where are we
on the Fredericks video?
822
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,646
- On schedule for tomorrow afternoon.
- Hmm.
823
00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:04,371
I was hoping for some personal time
tomorrow afternoon.
824
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:07,081
Say no more.
825
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:10,041
I will stay late tonight and get it
to you first thing in the morning.
826
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,848
- Uh... Will?
- Mm-hmm?
827
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:17,928
There are going to be
some changes around here.
828
00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:20,731
- Changes?
- Mm-hm.
829
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:24,481
I'm taking Wilheimer
into the 21st century.
830
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:26,085
There will be a new position created,
831
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,482
Vice President
of Corporate Communications.
832
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:33,007
You keep up the good work,
that Vice President is you.
833
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:37,289
- Hey, Fernando.
- Fernando.
834
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:38,725
- Sorry?
- Fernando.
835
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:41,849
Fernando, right.
Tanya said that I should talk to you.
836
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:43,524
About what?
837
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:45,602
I have some extra work
that I'm doing tonight,
838
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:47,887
and I just need a little help.
839
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:51,123
- You want me to do your work for you?
- No, no, no.
840
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:54,283
What I'm saying is that she said
that I should talk to you.
841
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:55,521
About, you know...
842
00:46:58,200 --> 00:46:59,725
I have ADD.
843
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,246
You know there's
two Fernandos in this office?
844
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,803
Fernando Little,
Director of Client Services,
845
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,486
Division Sales Leader,
three years running.
846
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:13,483
And Fernando, the janitor.
847
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:18,647
Mi madre, she's a psychiatrist.
848
00:47:18,720 --> 00:47:21,530
So, I can hook you up
with whatever you need.
849
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:22,886
Those are drugs.
850
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:25,926
Saw you last night.
851
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:29,730
With tu papa.
852
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:33,129
You're not gonna tell anyone,
are you?
853
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:37,288
Wasn't close to mi papa.
854
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:39,731
Your words...
855
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:42,800
They moved me.
856
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:50,290
I will take it to the grave.
857
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,962
Now, someone with extra work...
858
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:58,370
- may I recommend...
- Dexedrine?
859
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:02,525
Sexy Dexy.
860
00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:07,689
[man on video] He's an attorney.
And I worked at his legal practice,
861
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:10,320
as an intern...
862
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:14,690
Mainly I found that dealing
with people was my best skill.
863
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,241
So, he would have me deliver...
864
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:19,448
We started out
delivering packages...
865
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:24,286
And then ultimately...
[echoing]
866
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:26,408
I have a lot of charisma.
867
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:28,961
My unique...
I can be...
868
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:30,531
...makes me highly...
869
00:48:30,720 --> 00:48:34,042
[distorted] ...highly employable
in today's marketplace.
870
00:48:37,240 --> 00:48:39,288
[high voice] I'm Lawrence Wilheimer
and I'm old!
871
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:41,522
And I don't understand technology
because I'm so old.
872
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:44,286
So I have Will
clear my browser history every day!
873
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:46,847
Oh, my God!
874
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,729
- Who's the decision maker?
- You are.
875
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,121
- You... You're... You are...
- That's good.
876
00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:52,730
[phone buzzing]
877
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:54,768
- Will Davis.
- Dude!
878
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,888
- You're viral!
- What?
879
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,647
Your Skeezy video has over
114,000 hits on YouTube!
880
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:02,848
- YouTube?
- Yeah, YouTube.
881
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:04,041
YouTube? YouTube?
882
00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:05,645
It's fucking YouTube.
Am I saying this wrong?
883
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:07,165
- Yeah, that's YouTube.
- That's YouTube, right?
884
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:08,446
- Yeah, that's...
- Yeah, let him know.
885
00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:09,726
It's YouTube, Will!
886
00:49:14,720 --> 00:49:16,245
Well, I structured my business
887
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:19,563
around the same eco-friendly model
as Ben and Jerry's.
888
00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:20,801
You know what I'm sayin'?
889
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,691
Bitches going to go for
the pimp with best work environment.
890
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:26,684
That's why we got free STD testing,
free condoms...
891
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,969
I'm viral! Yes!
Oh... oh, shit!
892
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:31,201
And even a dental plan.
893
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:34,210
You can't be having
no toothless bitches!
894
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:36,966
How much you know about us
as a company, Will?
895
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,208
Uh, absolutely nothing.
896
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:42,841
Join the club, brother.
We will fix that.
897
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:45,082
- Sweat Body Spray?
- Yeah.
898
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:46,605
When kids put that on,
899
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,762
I want them to know
they're sending a message.
900
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:51,360
- Guess what the message is?
- "I'm cool."
901
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:53,920
No, the message is,
"I'm down to fuck."
902
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:57,891
- Oh! Okay.
- [laughs] Or be fucked.
903
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:02,045
Uh, hey, Lon. I still don't know
why I'm here exactly.
904
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:04,043
Why you're here?
I'll tell you why you're here.
905
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,122
You're here because I want you
906
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:08,726
to head up
our Internet and viral marketing.
907
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:10,768
[makes exploding noise]
908
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:12,171
You're offering me a job?
909
00:50:12,240 --> 00:50:13,924
I saw the Skeezy D video,
910
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,048
and it blew my fucking mind inside out!
911
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:17,531
I'm up all night.
I can't sleep
912
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:20,410
because I'm watching this video
over and over and over again,
913
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:23,211
screaming at the TV,
"Just tell me what you want me to buy!"
914
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:24,645
[laughs]
915
00:50:24,720 --> 00:50:26,768
Yeah. Ooh, spank that monkey.
[snaps fingers]
916
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:28,769
Spank, spank that monkey, yeah.
917
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:31,047
[sighs] That's my niece.
918
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:35,091
All right, so what kind of salary
are we talking?
919
00:50:35,240 --> 00:50:37,766
Mm, okay.
I can offer you 22.
920
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:40,127
Ooh, that's not a lot.
921
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:42,485
Will...
922
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:46,048
We're marketing to kids that were doing
triple irony in kindergarten.
923
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:47,929
And you...
[laughs]
924
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:49,525
You are so fucking ironic,
925
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:52,570
you've gone all the way around
the track, back to authentic.
926
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:57,166
You're irontic, man.
You're irontic!
927
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:58,521
"Irontic"?
928
00:50:59,920 --> 00:51:02,924
- Ding-dong! Going down.
- What are you doing?
929
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:06,761
Will, if you told me to take
our entire marketing budget
930
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:08,684
and blow it
on a billboard with nothing
931
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:10,762
but pictures of fat,
veiny cocks, I'd do it!
932
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:12,371
I'll do whatever you say!
933
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:15,046
Tell me what to do, man.
Tell me what to do!
934
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:17,407
- [door closing]
- Guess who's awesome?
935
00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:20,051
I am. Will is awesome.
I did it.
936
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:21,963
I stepped up, babe.
I did exactly...
937
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:24,281
There you are. I did exactly
what you told me to do.
938
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,761
I stepped up big time.
And I got great news for us.
939
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:28,968
- I got fired.
- What?
940
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,121
I got fired today.
941
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:34,202
They called me in
to Human Resources,
942
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:37,608
and I thought I was getting promoted.
That's how stupid I am.
943
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:39,284
You're not stupid.
944
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:43,206
[scoffs]
Yeah, I am.
945
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:44,884
I'm V90,000 in debt.
946
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:48,328
And I spent $779
on a pair of shoes!
947
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:51,290
- [exhales]
- It's going to be okay.
948
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,931
No, it's not.
How is this going to be okay?
949
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,810
Because you're gonna...
You're gonna get another job.
950
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,002
I'm sorry, Will...
951
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:07,962
What are you...
What are we celebrating?
952
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:16,969
Katherine is gonna
put me up for a promotion.
953
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,087
That's great!
That's great.
954
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,162
At least one of us has a career, right?
955
00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:28,571
Come here.
956
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:32,168
That's great.
[sniffles]
957
00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:36,210
What am I going to do for rent?
[chuckles]
958
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:48,051
Hey, roomie!
959
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:55,248
FYI, we leave porn laying around,
so just, like, embrace it.
960
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,683
[Roger] The week started out bad.
961
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:00,763
My severance ran out.
The mortgage was due.
962
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:04,402
I pillaged my 401 (k).
I was spiraling.
963
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:08,087
And then on Tuesday,
I finally get an interview with Xerox.
964
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:13,125
And I went in there and I killed.
965
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:17,922
I mean, it was the kind of interview
that you dream about.
966
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:23,120
And it was so good, that I
remember tearing up in the elevator.
967
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:26,170
And I knew... I knew they were
gonna send me on to Gentry.
968
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:29,369
I knew I was finally going to meet
the decision maker.
969
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:36,290
And ever since then, nothing.
970
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:41,330
Bupkis.
971
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:44,248
I just need the bathroom key.
972
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:47,725
Sorry.
973
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:52,805
Cammy!
974
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:54,843
How do I get to James Gentry?
975
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,964
I've e-mailed, I've texted,
I've twittered.
976
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:00,441
I've called his home.
I spoke to his wife.
977
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:01,965
You called his house?
978
00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:03,451
Well, the conversation was brief.
979
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:05,045
It was dinner time.
She had company.
980
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:06,770
But I think I made an impression!
981
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:08,960
Maybe you should focus
on more than one job listing.
982
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:10,809
I'm so perfect for this job!
983
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:12,962
I just have to get myself
in front of the guy
984
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,964
who can actually pull the trigger
and hire me!
985
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,202
It is ABC time!
986
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:21,961
One way or another,
I've got to get to the decision maker.
987
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:24,168
- Yes.
- Whoa!
988
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:29,928
James Gentry,
prepare to meet Roger Davis.
989
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,843
[blows]
990
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:35,083
[phone ringing]
991
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:36,400
Yo.
992
00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:39,086
Hey, man.
Listen to my dad's latest tweet.
993
00:54:39,240 --> 00:54:40,366
"It ends today.
994
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,649
"ABC, equal sign,
Annihilation Brings Closure.
995
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:45,880
"Roger Davis,
symbol for greater than James Gentry."
996
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:47,160
What the hell does that mean?
997
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:49,169
I don't know, man,
but it sounds ominous.
998
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:50,880
Yeah, it definitely doesn't sound good.
999
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:54,407
Yeah, this is bad.
Look, Luke, we gotta go find my dad.
1000
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:55,885
All right, here I come.
1001
00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,080
Yeah, it's Fifth and Spring,
right off the 101, big gray building.
1002
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:09,726
- Excuse me, sir.
- Hmm?
1003
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:11,211
Check in with the front desk, please.
1004
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:12,770
Oh, right, right.
1005
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,729
[man] All right.
I'll take care of that this afternoon.
1006
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:21,407
All right.
All right, bye-bye.
1007
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:22,970
Good afternoon.
1008
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:27,841
Roger Davis here
to see James Gentry.
1009
00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:29,445
You could sign in.
1010
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:33,730
Uh, sir?
1011
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,961
I'm going to need you
to exit the building.
1012
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:43,405
Okay.
1013
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:50,561
Or... how about this?
1014
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:53,280
How about I'm not going anywhere
1015
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:56,324
until after I see the decision maker.
1016
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:08,241
[Will] Katherine?
1017
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:11,128
- Mr. Wilheimer.
- Ah, yeah.
1018
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:13,441
Look, family emergency.
I need to leave early.
1019
00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:15,045
We're starting the Fredericks meeting.
1020
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:16,884
Okay. Well, how important is it
that I'm there?
1021
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:18,803
How important is keeping your job?
1022
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:22,243
Katherine, I'm sorry.
My dad needs me.
1023
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:25,529
- [fire alarm]
- Nearest exit, everybody!
1024
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:32,841
Go, mi amigo.
1025
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:35,526
- Wait, did you pull that for me?
- Shh.
1026
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:37,284
Go to tu papa.
1027
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:51,480
- [Luke] Hurry up!
- He's at Millennium Plaza.
1028
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:54,166
How do you know?
1029
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:57,282
IStalkU, motherfucker!
1030
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:01,044
[horn honking]
1031
00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:04,642
[whistling]
1032
00:57:07,240 --> 00:57:10,289
You can't wait here, sir.
Why don't you find a Starbucks?
1033
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:14,490
Why don't you find
a suck-my-cock-bucks? Hmm?
1034
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:18,167
Sorry.
That was uncalled for.
1035
00:57:19,080 --> 00:57:20,525
Where are we going?
1036
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,081
It's saying he's, like, around...
1037
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:24,764
[all chattering]
1038
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:27,411
[Roger] I shouldn't have said
what I said.
1039
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:30,211
But I'd like to let you know
that if you call Pearl,
1040
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:32,681
Pearl knows me
and you just tell her...
1041
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:35,042
Hey, hey!
That's my dad.
1042
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:36,200
Will?
1043
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:37,202
Whatever he did,
if you just let him go,
1044
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:39,601
I promise I'll get him home safely.
1045
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:42,525
Look, please, sir.
Don't embarrass him anymore.
1046
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:44,566
Please.
1047
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:51,765
Go on, Mr. Davis.
1048
00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:53,126
Thank you.
1049
00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:01,250
Wait a minute. That's...
That's Gentry.
1050
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,847
That's him.
That's the decision maker.
1051
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:20,640
[shouting]
1052
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:25,800
[all shouting]
1053
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:38,886
Dad!
1054
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:46,201
Go!
1055
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:49,089
[grunting]
1056
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:53,528
I was captain
of my Ultimate Frisbee team.
1057
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:54,920
Shut up!
1058
00:58:55,080 --> 00:58:57,401
[Roger] Hold it. Hold it!
1059
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:59,642
Hold it, hold it.
Thank you.
1060
00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:01,689
No! Oh!
1061
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:03,171
Hold it, hold on!
1062
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:13,249
Mr. Gentry, my name
is Roger Davis.
1063
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:16,089
Stay away from me.
I'll call security.
1064
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:17,884
They know I'm here.
1065
00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:20,930
Now, sir. I know you must think
that I'm psychotic.
1066
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:23,287
I'm not psychotic.
I'm not.
1067
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:26,171
I'm just a man
driven to desperation
1068
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:30,370
by months and months
of rejection and indifference.
1069
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:32,725
I'm a human being,
1070
00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:35,366
asking for an opportunity
to tell you face to face
1071
00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:39,605
why I think I would be great
for your company.
1072
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:45,610
This is my résumé.
My son made this.
1073
00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:49,562
Why me?
1074
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:54,527
Because you, sir,
are the decision maker.
1075
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:55,601
[elevator dinging]
1076
00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:57,842
[chatter on radio]
1077
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,403
What happened?
1078
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:10,524
I got an interview.
1079
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:13,684
- Yeah!
- [all cheering]
1080
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:15,603
- [Luke] Nice!
- [Will] All right!
1081
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:18,445
- [Ethan] All right!
- [Charlie] Yeah!
1082
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:22,202
[Luke] Yes!
1083
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,367
[scrubbing]
1084
01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:34,609
[gasping]
1085
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:36,603
[panting]
1086
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:38,125
[coughs]
1087
01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:42,645
[exhales, inhales]
1088
01:00:56,480 --> 01:00:58,005
[exhales]
1089
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:12,604
[exhales]
1090
01:01:23,120 --> 01:01:24,849
[chatter]
1091
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:27,969
[woman crying]
What am I gonna do?
1092
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:41,605
[elevator dinging]
1093
01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:49,164
There can be only one.
1094
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:51,527
- Hey.
- Hey.
1095
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:57,284
Katherine wants to see you
in her office.
1096
01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:58,766
Fuck.
1097
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:03,330
Goodbye head?
1098
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:06,643
What? No.
What is wrong with you?
1099
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:11,163
I'm really bored.
1100
01:02:21,960 --> 01:02:23,450
[laughs]
1101
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:25,602
Isn't it a glorious day?
1102
01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:28,291
What's glorious about it?
1103
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:31,011
I've rid this company
of the dead wood.
1104
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:32,650
We are leaner and meaner.
1105
01:02:34,080 --> 01:02:37,641
This is a contract.
1106
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:40,645
It's a what?
1107
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:44,041
You're now Vice President
of Corporate Communications.
1108
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:48,285
Your salary is $52,000.
1109
01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:51,281
52,000?
1110
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:53,283
You'll be doing the work
of three people.
1111
01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:55,124
Get used to eating
dinner at your desk.
1112
01:02:57,360 --> 01:03:00,967
Now that I've turned you around,
it was easier to kick you upstairs
1113
01:03:01,120 --> 01:03:03,168
than to train someone new.
1114
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:05,891
Just don't forget
who did the kicking.
1115
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:09,089
- Yeah.
- Come here.
1116
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:18,684
I own you, Mr. Davis.
1117
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:27,963
Get to work, VP.
1118
01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:36,649
[phone chimes]
1119
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:48,370
♪ [music on TV]
1120
01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:53,485
Yes!
1121
01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:00,080
Why are you massaging
my girlfriend?
1122
01:04:00,120 --> 01:04:02,043
Shh!
Don't break her concentration.
1123
01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:04,240
She's about to get
to the Living Legend achievement.
1124
01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:06,089
This is fucking crazy, man!
She's on a killing spree.
1125
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:07,287
Killing frenzy.
1126
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:09,568
Your girlfriend
is a fucking prodigy, bro.
1127
01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:10,641
Bong me.
1128
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:14,008
You light it.
Light it for her.
1129
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,601
"Bong me"?
Hey, what's up with you, man?
1130
01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:19,411
I lost a half a million dollars today.
1131
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:21,289
[exclaims]
1132
01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:24,682
I am fucked.
I let everybody down, dude.
1133
01:04:24,880 --> 01:04:27,087
I let Tyler Perry down.
1134
01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:29,129
Oprah, Barack Obama...
1135
01:04:29,280 --> 01:04:31,408
I let Barack Obama down.
I am fucked, man.
1136
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:34,245
- [Charlie] Stay with it.
- [Jillian] I'm on it.
1137
01:04:34,400 --> 01:04:36,164
You guys don't understand, man.
1138
01:04:36,320 --> 01:04:39,767
You guys don't understand.
I drank deer cum!
1139
01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:41,888
- Move!
- Oh, God. Shit!
1140
01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:43,644
Hey, Jillian, can I talk to you
for a second?
1141
01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:45,848
- Boo!
- No.
1142
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:47,445
Okay. All right.
1143
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:50,683
- Game over, bitches!
- [all exclaiming]
1144
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:52,250
What are you doing?
You can't do that.
1145
01:04:52,400 --> 01:04:53,401
You can't pull the cord out.
Why are you doing that?
1146
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:55,721
- Boo!
- Don't boo me.
1147
01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:57,848
You don't... Don't boo.
Stop booing me!
1148
01:04:58,000 --> 01:04:59,889
I'm surprised at you, Will.
1149
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:03,640
Dude, get out of here.
1150
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:06,569
Sudden trauma can hurt the LED.
1151
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:10,487
Wait, come here.
Save me, save me, save me! I don't...
1152
01:05:11,120 --> 01:05:13,487
- Bong me.
- Bong coming in.
1153
01:05:13,680 --> 01:05:16,365
All right, Jillian.
I need you to step up.
1154
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:19,850
Oh, my God.
1155
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:34,289
Bring home the bacon, baby.
1156
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:36,966
Oh, fuck.
Let's eat some bacon right now.
1157
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:47,651
[knocking]
1158
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:50,725
Mr. Diller?
1159
01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:55,850
I just want to say
I'm sorry I screwed up.
1160
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:59,721
And thank you for the opportunity and...
1161
01:06:03,120 --> 01:06:04,849
I'm sorry I let you down.
1162
01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:12,122
Where in the fuck
do you think you're going?
1163
01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:15,641
Sit the fuck down.
1164
01:06:17,280 --> 01:06:20,284
What kind of fucking pussy generation
do you come from, anyway?
1165
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:23,084
You never apologize.
1166
01:06:23,240 --> 01:06:25,766
Never, ever.
You burn the fucking house down,
1167
01:06:25,960 --> 01:06:28,042
you roll up your fucking sleeves
and you build another one.
1168
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:30,441
Now, get the fuck back out there
and make the money back.
1169
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:32,728
You got it?
1170
01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:34,285
Go.
1171
01:06:38,760 --> 01:06:42,207
Yo, this will never happen again.
1172
01:06:42,360 --> 01:06:43,441
Thank you so much.
1173
01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:48,571
Goddamn it.
1174
01:06:49,960 --> 01:06:51,530
Send the fucking custodian in.
1175
01:07:12,240 --> 01:07:14,607
[Charlie] Bring it in.
Okay, circle up.
1176
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:18,767
All right. Now, I know
we haven't won a game yet,
1177
01:07:18,920 --> 01:07:21,730
but we have been losing
by less and less.
1178
01:07:21,880 --> 01:07:24,929
And I know for a fact that
their two best players have head lice.
1179
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:28,527
I'm saying we have a chance today.
1180
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:31,209
A chance for victory.
1181
01:07:32,360 --> 01:07:33,771
A chance for redemption.
1182
01:07:36,560 --> 01:07:38,005
Hands in.
1183
01:07:38,160 --> 01:07:40,049
Victory on three.
1184
01:07:40,240 --> 01:07:43,449
[all] One, two, three.
Victory!
1185
01:07:43,640 --> 01:07:45,404
[buzzer]
1186
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:51,040
[woman] Great season!
You guys played your hearts out.
1187
01:07:51,200 --> 01:07:52,964
You did it.
1188
01:07:55,400 --> 01:07:58,404
Everybody is a winner.
1189
01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:02,050
We are so proud of you.
1190
01:08:02,200 --> 01:08:04,123
Next year, no scoreboard, right?
1191
01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:06,203
All right.
Here you go, honey.
1192
01:08:06,360 --> 01:08:08,089
No, no, no.
No trophies!
1193
01:08:08,160 --> 01:08:10,686
No, no, no!
No trophies this year.
1194
01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:12,330
We always get trophies.
1195
01:08:12,520 --> 01:08:15,091
Trophies don't mean anything
unless you earn them.
1196
01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:16,969
They're just plastic junk.
1197
01:08:17,800 --> 01:08:19,165
Look.
1198
01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:22,411
No!
1199
01:08:22,560 --> 01:08:26,451
My childhood bedroom
is filled to the brim with trophies,
1200
01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:29,080
- and I haven't won a thing in my life.
- [scoffs]
1201
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:31,845
You would have to be born
already in a coma
1202
01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:33,405
to do as little
with your life as I have.
1203
01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:35,961
- Excuse me.
- Stop it, stop! Listen to me.
1204
01:08:36,120 --> 01:08:37,281
Listen, guys.
1205
01:08:38,120 --> 01:08:39,121
Listen to me.
1206
01:08:40,760 --> 01:08:43,889
Now, I've spent the last
five years of my life
1207
01:08:44,040 --> 01:08:46,930
practically living
on a cum-stained couch.
1208
01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:51,723
I smoke $200 of weed a week.
1209
01:08:54,120 --> 01:08:56,160
I've been wearing the same
pair of socks for so long
1210
01:08:56,280 --> 01:08:58,760
that the fabric of the sock
has literally become one
1211
01:08:58,920 --> 01:09:00,649
with the skin of my little toe.
1212
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:03,041
And why? Why?
1213
01:09:05,280 --> 01:09:06,645
Because when I was growing up,
1214
01:09:06,800 --> 01:09:09,485
they gave me trophies for losing.
1215
01:09:09,640 --> 01:09:11,130
Do you understand what I'm saying?
1216
01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:13,840
No trophy, Sam.
1217
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:18,160
[thudding]
1218
01:09:18,240 --> 01:09:20,447
Kwan, no trophies!
1219
01:09:20,520 --> 01:09:23,444
No trophies!
1220
01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:25,409
[all shouting]
No trophies! No trophies!
1221
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:42,800
Thanks, Charlie.
1222
01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:47,321
Don't call me Charlie.
1223
01:09:47,480 --> 01:09:49,130
Call me Coach.
1224
01:10:01,960 --> 01:10:03,371
Hey.
1225
01:10:03,440 --> 01:10:05,568
- This place is foul.
- I know.
1226
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:09,081
- There's porn everywhere.
- I know.
1227
01:10:12,080 --> 01:10:14,321
Look, this is just temporary.
1228
01:10:14,520 --> 01:10:16,249
I got a good steady job now.
1229
01:10:17,560 --> 01:10:19,210
I mean, I don't want to jinx it,
1230
01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:22,563
but they're talking about
Employee of the Month.
1231
01:10:22,720 --> 01:10:25,485
I don't think that's a thing
that people do anymore.
1232
01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:27,927
It is.
And I'm gonna get it.
1233
01:10:28,080 --> 01:10:29,161
For us.
1234
01:10:35,120 --> 01:10:37,282
What I'm saying is,
it's gonna be okay.
1235
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:40,091
♪ [Tanya singing Jingle Bells]
1236
01:10:40,160 --> 01:10:42,731
♪ Jingle all the way
1237
01:10:42,840 --> 01:10:45,161
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
1238
01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:50,280
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
1239
01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:54,886
[all cheering]
1240
01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:57,125
Oh, Will...
1241
01:10:57,280 --> 01:10:58,611
Is this your girlfriend?
1242
01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:01,525
Jillian, this is Katherine Dunn.
1243
01:11:01,680 --> 01:11:03,603
- Hello.
- Hi, Jillian.
1244
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:08,402
I think that Jillian
should be thanking me, don't you?
1245
01:11:08,560 --> 01:11:10,289
- Thanking you for what?
- For what?
1246
01:11:10,440 --> 01:11:12,408
For what?
1247
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:18,203
For turning you into the responsible
little worker bee that you are.
1248
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:22,731
- It was very nice to meet you.
- You, too.
1249
01:11:22,920 --> 01:11:25,127
- Enjoy the party, dears.
- Okay.
1250
01:11:28,440 --> 01:11:30,522
- Wow.
- I know.
1251
01:11:30,720 --> 01:11:33,326
But she's making me Vice President.
1252
01:11:37,040 --> 01:11:40,089
All signed.
Just got to turn it in.
1253
01:11:46,160 --> 01:11:48,003
Where did you find that?
1254
01:11:48,080 --> 01:11:51,562
I called Lon Zimmet.
1255
01:11:51,640 --> 01:11:53,130
Um...
1256
01:11:53,200 --> 01:11:54,690
He went on and on about you,
1257
01:11:54,840 --> 01:11:57,207
and used the word "cock"
like, 1,000 times.
1258
01:11:57,360 --> 01:11:59,010
Yeah, he does that.
1259
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:04,409
I need to say something.
1260
01:12:04,480 --> 01:12:06,209
What?
1261
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:08,442
♪ [loud dance music starts]
1262
01:12:09,960 --> 01:12:11,928
[raises voice] I'm 22 years old
and I have no idea
1263
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:14,082
what I'm gonna do
with the rest of my life.
1264
01:12:14,840 --> 01:12:18,128
And I'm fine with that.
I have a lot to offer the world,
1265
01:12:18,200 --> 01:12:21,329
and this is just the beginning,
and if you want to take a job
1266
01:12:21,440 --> 01:12:23,727
with some shady start-up company
that has nothing to offer you
1267
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:26,485
but stock options and a dream,
then you should do that!
1268
01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:29,929
Yeah, you know,
maybe we're not all geniuses.
1269
01:12:30,000 --> 01:12:32,367
So we're not the greatest generation,
so what?
1270
01:12:32,440 --> 01:12:35,364
These are our lives,
and we're gonna make the most of 'em!
1271
01:12:40,240 --> 01:12:42,129
I love you, Jillian.
1272
01:12:45,440 --> 01:12:47,329
[laughing]
1273
01:12:47,400 --> 01:12:49,880
Come on, come on.
Don't be shy.
1274
01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:03,762
Hey, Katherine,
can I talk to you for a second?
1275
01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:04,966
Sure.
1276
01:13:05,040 --> 01:13:07,646
So, I wanted to thank you
for this opportunity.
1277
01:13:07,720 --> 01:13:08,801
Oh, pleasure.
1278
01:13:08,880 --> 01:13:11,087
But yeah, the job,
it's not really for me.
1279
01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:16,247
- You're joking.
- No. I quit.
1280
01:13:18,280 --> 01:13:19,281
Wow.
1281
01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:21,840
Cocky little shit.
1282
01:13:22,760 --> 01:13:24,762
What,
are you gonna go play house
1283
01:13:24,840 --> 01:13:25,966
with that ugly little
girlfriend of yours?
1284
01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:27,326
- Maybe I will.
- Maybe you will.
1285
01:13:27,400 --> 01:13:30,847
But let me tell you something.
You won't, because you won't have a job.
1286
01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:32,604
So I want you to be
prepared for what it
1287
01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:34,722
feels like to be on
the unemployment line.
1288
01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:38,691
Because as of this moment forward,
I'm going to do everything in my power
1289
01:13:38,760 --> 01:13:41,331
to ensure that you never work
in this town again.
1290
01:13:41,400 --> 01:13:43,767
Hey, put that in your Facebook.
1291
01:14:11,720 --> 01:14:13,688
[moaning]
1292
01:14:15,160 --> 01:14:17,322
- Should I put my showcase here?
- Yeah, would you?
1293
01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:19,801
I found this working late one night,
1294
01:14:19,880 --> 01:14:23,043
and I thought it was
a good opportunity to express myself.
1295
01:14:23,120 --> 01:14:24,929
[both shouting]
1296
01:14:30,440 --> 01:14:33,171
- Merry Christmas.
- [Wilheimer] Whoa, whoa, whoa, wow!
1297
01:14:34,240 --> 01:14:35,810
Take that minotaur cock.
1298
01:14:51,280 --> 01:14:54,807
[Will] Is it tough out there?
No doubt.
1299
01:14:56,720 --> 01:15:00,247
But we all need a job.
So, what do you do?
1300
01:15:00,320 --> 01:15:01,845
[all chanting] Chug, chug, chug!
1301
01:15:02,000 --> 01:15:04,321
Find the thing
that you were meant to do.
1302
01:15:06,360 --> 01:15:08,089
Work your ass off to get it.
1303
01:15:11,400 --> 01:15:13,050
Never stop believing.
1304
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:16,243
Never quit.
1305
01:15:25,440 --> 01:15:27,044
[inaudible]
1306
01:15:35,880 --> 01:15:38,087
♪ [hip hop music plays]
1307
01:15:38,160 --> 01:15:40,561
Hello.
Skeezy D blowin' up the Internet.
1308
01:15:40,680 --> 01:15:44,207
Everybody rollin' up to me like,
"How can I roll Skeezy-style?"
1309
01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:48,246
Well, look.
[makes noises]
1310
01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:51,969
Sweat.
1311
01:15:52,040 --> 01:15:53,883
- Get your fuck on.
- [siren wails]
1312
01:15:54,760 --> 01:15:56,569
It's a dick!
1313
01:15:57,920 --> 01:16:00,321
Fucking great!
1314
01:16:01,200 --> 01:16:05,683
Will, I'd like to officially welcome you
to the Sweat team.
1315
01:16:05,760 --> 01:16:08,127
Thanks, Lon.
Um...
1316
01:16:08,200 --> 01:16:10,043
But I'm gonna have to
turn down your offer.
1317
01:16:10,120 --> 01:16:11,121
What?
1318
01:16:11,200 --> 01:16:13,362
I've started my own production
company,
1319
01:16:13,440 --> 01:16:16,205
but I would be honored
to have Sweat as my first client.
1320
01:16:19,760 --> 01:16:20,807
[Lon] Yeah.
1321
01:16:25,920 --> 01:16:29,003
[Will] In other words,
don't just feel special.
1322
01:16:30,520 --> 01:16:31,760
Be special.
1323
01:16:39,240 --> 01:16:42,323
Do you love your wife?
Of course you do.
1324
01:16:42,400 --> 01:16:44,243
But when she tells you
she's going shopping,
1325
01:16:44,320 --> 01:16:48,086
how do you know she's not actually
going to a sordid motel like this one?
1326
01:16:48,160 --> 01:16:49,491
- Hello, lover.
- Hello.
1327
01:16:51,520 --> 01:16:52,646
Hmm.
1328
01:16:56,960 --> 01:16:59,088
Your husband says he's working late.
1329
01:16:59,160 --> 01:17:01,527
Well, what kind of work
are we really talking about?
1330
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:06,042
Hey, Jezebel, sin.
1331
01:17:06,120 --> 01:17:08,009
[exhales]
1332
01:17:12,280 --> 01:17:16,729
Come and join the more
than 150,000 satisfied customers
1333
01:17:16,800 --> 01:17:19,531
who have all used iStalkU.
1334
01:17:19,600 --> 01:17:21,443
Let your loved ones know you care
1335
01:17:21,520 --> 01:17:23,921
by never letting them
out of your virtual sight.
1336
01:17:25,960 --> 01:17:28,930
Oh! Oh...
[chuckles]
1337
01:17:31,800 --> 01:17:33,404
[Will] And cut!
1338
01:17:54,480 --> 01:17:56,084
We got it.
1339
01:17:56,160 --> 01:17:57,685
- All right!
- [all cheer]