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[BIRDS CALLING IN DISTANCE]
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MAN: I have decided to keep a journal.
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Not in a word program or digital file
but in longhand,
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writing every word out
so that every inflection of penmanship,
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every word chosen, scratched out,
revised, is recorded.
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To set down all my thoughts
and the simple events
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of my day factually
and without hiding anything.
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When writing about oneself,
one should show no mercy.
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I will keep this diary
for one year, 12 months
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and at the end of that time,
it will be destroyed.
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Shredded, then burnt.
The experiment will be over.
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Please rise.
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What is thy only comfort in life and death?
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ALL: That I, with body and soul
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both in life and death, am not my own
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but belong unto
my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.
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Who with his precious blood...
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MAN: These thoughts and recollections
are not so different from those I confide
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to God every morning.
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When it is possible.
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When he is listening.
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Bread of life. The cup of salvation.
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The bread of life. The cup of salvation.
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The bread of life. The cup of salvation.
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MAN: This journal is a form of speaking...
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of communication from one to the other.
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A communication which can be achieved simply
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and in repose without
prostration or abnegation.
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It is a form of prayer.
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Bread of life. The cup of salvation.
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MAN: There is a leak in the men's restroom.
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REVEREND: No, I fixed it.
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No. I was just there. It's still leaking.
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Same place. Under the hot faucet.
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- REVEREND: What about the women's room?
- The women's is fine.
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Do you want me to call
the plumber from Abundant Life?
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No, let me have another crack at it.
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I hate always bugging them
for extra little costs.
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They don't mind.
That's what they're there for.
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- And you're totally within your budget.
- Still, I don't want to.
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Have you posted the sermon?
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- Yes. I did it this morning.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
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- Oh...
- Reverend?
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Yes, Mary, right?
45
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- Mary Mensana.
- Yeah, nice to see you again.
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I wanted to talk, if that's okay.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on in, Mary.
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- I'll be right back.
- Mary, how can I help you?
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I was wondering if you would talk
50
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- to my husband, Michael.
- Oh, sure. I...
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Actually, not now.
He has to... he has to go to work.
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He has to fill in at Home Depot.
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Mary?
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- What is it?
- I'm worried about him.
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He's involved in the Green Planet movement.
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- It's an activist group.
- Mm-hmm.
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And he was in jail in Canada.
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And he just got out two weeks ago.
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He just sits around at home.
He doesn't... he doesn't go out.
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I got him to fill out a temp form
for Home... for Home Depot.
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- Okay.
- So that's good.
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Are you sure you don't want
to go to Abundant Life?
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They have a whole team
of counselors over there,
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- who are trained and...
- I know, but he doesn't want to.
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He thinks it's more
of a company than a church.
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And so, he said he would talk to you.
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Uh, all right.
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Tomorrow?
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- After lunch?
- Great. Great.
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I'll just need the... I just need an address.
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And can you tell me a little more?
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Oh, he applied for compassionate release
when he found out.
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He was at Fort Providence.
They let him out early.
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- Wait, now, found out what?
- That I was pregnant.
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Oh. Hmm, congratulations.
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Thanks.
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He thinks it's wrong to bring
a child into this world.
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He wants to kill our baby.
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REVEREND: I assisted Sunday
the youth group at Abundant Life.
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The young people were
so excited, so full of life.
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They were open. They welcomed communion.
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REVEREND: Maybe I shouldn't care about
whether people like me.
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Did Jesus worry about being liked?
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I look at the last lines
I wrote with disdain.
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Twelve months.
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Can I keep up an exercise that long?
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[SIGHS]
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REVEREND: When I read these words,
I see not truth, but pride.
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I wish I had not used the word pride.
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But I cannot cross it out.
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If only I could pray.
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[CAR APPROACHING]
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[COUGHS]
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[SNIFFS, GROANS]
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
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Hi, Reverend.
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- Hi. Is Michael home?
- Yeah. Come on in.
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Okay. Yeah.
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- MICHAEL: Hey. Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
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MARY: Um, would you like some coffee?
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- Yes, but, um...
- We're... I think we have some tea.
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Yes. That would be better.
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- Okay.
- Thanks.
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MICHAEL: Let me take your coat?
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No, it's okay. I got it.
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Come on in.
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- Yeah, I don't know why Mary...
- There's no need to apologize.
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No, she told me
that you've been up in Canada.
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Yeah. Fort Providence.
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It's in the Mackenzie Delta.
It's way in the north.
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Yeah, beautiful country, I imagine.
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Yeah, it is.
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Mary said things have been getting you down?
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Uh, yeah, things.
Yeah, you could say that. Yeah.
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Oh! Thank you very much.
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- It's hot.
- Perfect.
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Thank you.
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- So Mary is pregnant.
- Hmm.
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- Yeah. How far along is she?
- Twenty weeks.
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- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
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Hey, how old are you, Reverend?
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I'm 46.
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Uh, 33.
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That's how old our child will be in 2050.
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Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
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You know, that's
two years older than I am right now.
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Mm-hmm.
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- You'll be 81.
- Yeah!
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Hey, you know what the world
will be like in 2050?
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- Hmm. Hard to imagine.
- Yeah, you think?
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I mean, Reverend,
the world is changing so fast.
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And right in front of us.
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I mean, one-third of the natural world
has been destroyed in your lifetime.
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You know, the earth's temperature
will be three degrees centigrade higher.
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Four is the threshold.
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You know, "Severe, widespread,
and irreversible impacts."
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And when scientists say
stuff like that, you know?
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And National Center
for Atmospheric Research...
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Lawrence Livermore,
Potsdam Institute. Reverend...
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REVEREND: He went on like that for some time.
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By 2050, sea levels two feet
higher on the East Coast.
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Low lying areas underwater across the world.
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Bangladesh, 20% loss of landmass.
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Central Africa, 50% reduction
in crops due to drought.
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The Western reservoirs dried up.
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Climate change. Refugees.
Epidemics. Extreme weather.
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You know, the...
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the bad times, they will begin,
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and from that point,
everything moves very quickly.
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You know, this social structure
can't bear the stress of multiple crises.
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Opportunistic diseases, anarchy,
martial law, the tipping point.
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And this isn't in some, like, distant future.
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You will live to see this.
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You know, my children
will experience this un-livability.
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This, uh...
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Yeah, I'm sorry. I just... you know, I...
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I thought things could change, you know?
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I thought... I thought people would listen.
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Do you have thoughts of harming yourself?
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No.
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Why? Did Mary say something like that?
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No, no.
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No, I'm not worried for myself.
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I just... this world is gonna be what it is.
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- But can I ask you a question, Reverend?
- Mm-hmm.
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How do you sanction
bringing in a little girl...
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Uh, for argument's sake,
let's just say that, uh...
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Mary and I's child, it's a little girl.
169
00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:07,365
You know, a child that's so full of hope...
170
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and naive beliefs into a world
where that little girl, uh...
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she grows up to be a young woman
and she looks you in the eyes
172
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and she says that you knew
this all along, didn't you?
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You see, that...
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I mean, what are you supposed to say then?
175
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There's something growing inside Mary.
176
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Something as alive as a tree, surely.
177
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As an endangered species.
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Something full of the beauty
and mystery of nature.
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You said sanction, hmm?
180
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You think Mary should have an abortion?
181
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This birth, is that your right?
182
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Is that your decision?
183
00:15:03,879 --> 00:15:05,463
Have you asked Mary what she thinks?
184
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Look, this isn't... it's not about your baby.
185
00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:17,642
It's not about Mary.
186
00:15:19,894 --> 00:15:21,104
It's about you...
187
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and your despair. Your lack of hope.
188
00:15:26,276 --> 00:15:28,653
Look, people have throughout history
189
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have woken up in the dead of the night
confronted by blackness.
190
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The sense that our lives are without meaning.
191
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The Sickness Unto Death.
192
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Yeah, but this is something different.
193
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,165
Yeah, no, man's great achievements
194
00:15:42,249 --> 00:15:45,919
have brought him to the place
where life as we know it
195
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may cease in the foreseeable future.
196
00:15:47,838 --> 00:15:48,880
Yes, that's new.
197
00:15:50,132 --> 00:15:51,091
But the blackness?
198
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:54,678
That's not.
199
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:57,014
We're scientific people.
We want to solve things.
200
00:15:57,097 --> 00:15:58,765
We want rational answers.
201
00:15:59,182 --> 00:16:03,395
Right? And if humankind can't overcome
202
00:16:03,478 --> 00:16:06,940
its immediate interests enough to ensure
its own survival, then you're right.
203
00:16:07,024 --> 00:16:09,443
The only rational response is despair.
204
00:16:11,069 --> 00:16:15,114
But do you think that
there's any existence apart from this?
205
00:16:15,948 --> 00:16:17,408
This here, right now?
206
00:16:17,491 --> 00:16:18,826
- Yes.
- Yeah, right, before us.
207
00:16:18,909 --> 00:16:19,827
- After us.
- Yeah.
208
00:16:19,910 --> 00:16:21,912
- Yeah,
- Wait, so you're talking about
209
00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:23,289
the next lifetime? Huh?
210
00:16:23,789 --> 00:16:24,832
You really... you just, uh...
211
00:16:24,915 --> 00:16:28,044
REVEREND: I felt like I was Jacob
wrestling all night long with the angel.
212
00:16:28,836 --> 00:16:30,046
Fighting in the grasp.
213
00:16:31,297 --> 00:16:34,884
Every sentence, every question,
every response, a mortal struggle.
214
00:16:35,968 --> 00:16:37,261
It was exhilarating.
215
00:16:38,012 --> 00:16:39,805
MICHAEL: You believe in martyrdom, Reverend?
216
00:16:39,889 --> 00:16:41,223
I'm not sure I know what you mean.
217
00:16:41,307 --> 00:16:42,725
You know, the Saints of God?
218
00:16:43,142 --> 00:16:46,019
The early Christians
who wouldn't renounce their faith?
219
00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:49,314
The missionaries who were attacked
in the fields of the Lord.
220
00:16:49,397 --> 00:16:51,274
Do you believe that they died for a purpose?
221
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:53,068
- I do.
- Well, every week,
222
00:16:53,151 --> 00:16:56,654
activists are killed
trying to protect the environment.
223
00:16:58,531 --> 00:17:01,701
A hundred and seventeen were
killed last year for their beliefs.
224
00:17:04,037 --> 00:17:05,163
I mean, right there.
225
00:17:05,246 --> 00:17:08,208
This is José Cláudio Ribeiro da Silva.
226
00:17:09,292 --> 00:17:11,795
Huh? And that's his wife, Maria.
227
00:17:14,214 --> 00:17:19,802
Uh... they were... they were gunned down
in 2011 in the Amazon.
228
00:17:21,345 --> 00:17:24,681
You know, they were protesting
free cutting of the rain forest.
229
00:17:24,765 --> 00:17:25,682
[SIGHS]
230
00:17:25,766 --> 00:17:29,853
Hey, this is Dorothy Stang, 2005.
231
00:17:29,937 --> 00:17:32,815
She was a nun from Ohio.
232
00:17:35,401 --> 00:17:37,611
And what was the purpose of their death?
233
00:17:45,202 --> 00:17:48,872
You know, in 2010, the IPCC predicted
234
00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:52,166
that if drastic action wasn't taken by 2015,
235
00:17:53,668 --> 00:17:55,837
environmental collapse would be irreversible.
236
00:17:57,046 --> 00:17:58,131
And nothing was done.
237
00:18:01,634 --> 00:18:03,386
And now it's 2017.
238
00:18:04,637 --> 00:18:07,390
REVEREND: You said you respected me.
What I've been through.
239
00:18:09,767 --> 00:18:14,605
- Yes.
- So you know my story, hmm?
240
00:18:15,189 --> 00:18:16,983
- Yeah, you were a chaplain.
- Uh-huh.
241
00:18:17,608 --> 00:18:21,446
My father taught at VMI.
I encouraged my son to enlist.
242
00:18:21,529 --> 00:18:22,947
It was the family tradition.
243
00:18:23,990 --> 00:18:28,326
Like his father, my father before me, hmm.
244
00:18:28,410 --> 00:18:29,911
A patriotic tradition.
245
00:18:33,665 --> 00:18:36,835
My wife... was very opposed.
246
00:18:37,878 --> 00:18:39,296
My son enlisted anyway.
247
00:18:39,796 --> 00:18:42,841
And six months later, he was dead in Iraq.
248
00:18:43,258 --> 00:18:49,556
Right? I talked my son into a war
that had no moral justification.
249
00:18:52,309 --> 00:18:53,977
My wife could no longer live with me.
250
00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:56,104
I left the military.
251
00:18:57,898 --> 00:18:58,814
I was lost.
252
00:19:01,692 --> 00:19:04,028
And Reverend Jeffers from Abundant Life,
253
00:19:04,111 --> 00:19:08,032
he gave me this position
at First Reformed and here I am.
254
00:19:08,115 --> 00:19:10,534
And Michael, I can promise you...
255
00:19:11,952 --> 00:19:16,957
that whatever despair you feel
about bringing a child into this world
256
00:19:17,541 --> 00:19:21,837
cannot equal the despair
of taking a child from it.
257
00:19:34,224 --> 00:19:36,059
Hey, what was his name?
258
00:19:37,268 --> 00:19:38,186
Your son?
259
00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:41,648
Joseph.
260
00:19:43,691 --> 00:19:44,651
The boy thrown down the well.
261
00:19:44,734 --> 00:19:46,653
- Yeah, I remember.
- Mm-hmm.
262
00:19:46,736 --> 00:19:49,364
- The dreamer.
- The dreamer, yeah. Yeah.
263
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:55,995
And you were able to just go on?
264
00:19:57,163 --> 00:20:01,000
Courage... is the solution to despair.
265
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:05,046
Reason... provides no answers.
266
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:09,091
I can't know what the future will bring.
267
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,927
We have to choose despite uncertainty.
268
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:19,893
Wisdom is holding two contradictory truths
in our mind, simultaneously.
269
00:20:21,061 --> 00:20:22,896
Hope and despair.
270
00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:25,190
A life without despair
is a life without hope.
271
00:20:25,274 --> 00:20:28,944
Holding these two ideas
in our head is life itself.
272
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:45,751
Are you a drinking man, Reverend?
273
00:20:47,003 --> 00:20:49,964
- It doesn't help.
- No, I suppose not.
274
00:20:57,888 --> 00:20:59,056
Can God forgive us?
275
00:21:04,020 --> 00:21:05,771
For what we've done to this world?
276
00:21:08,232 --> 00:21:09,233
[QUIETLY] I don't know.
277
00:21:11,944 --> 00:21:13,403
Who can know the mind of God?
278
00:21:15,905 --> 00:21:16,865
But we can choose...
279
00:21:19,701 --> 00:21:20,744
a righteous life.
280
00:21:22,078 --> 00:21:23,079
Belief.
281
00:21:24,164 --> 00:21:25,332
Forgiveness.
282
00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:29,878
Grace covers us all.
283
00:21:32,756 --> 00:21:33,840
I believe that.
284
00:21:42,807 --> 00:21:44,517
Let's meet again.
285
00:21:44,976 --> 00:21:45,894
Want to?
286
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,437
Tomorrow after lunch, same time.
287
00:21:49,438 --> 00:21:51,357
Okay, yeah. It's a... it's a plan.
288
00:21:55,319 --> 00:21:58,447
REVEREND: I went over everything
that was said, what should have been said,
289
00:21:58,530 --> 00:22:00,324
what could have been said differently,
290
00:22:00,407 --> 00:22:01,784
what could have been said better.
291
00:22:03,786 --> 00:22:07,331
"I know that nothing can change
and I know there is no hope."
292
00:22:08,916 --> 00:22:10,209
Thomas Merton wrote this.
293
00:22:13,462 --> 00:22:16,340
"Despair is a development of pride so great
294
00:22:16,423 --> 00:22:18,467
that it chooses one's certitude
295
00:22:18,550 --> 00:22:22,011
rather than admit God
is more creative than we are."
296
00:22:23,554 --> 00:22:25,473
Perhaps it's better I didn't say that to him.
297
00:22:32,271 --> 00:22:34,273
[GROANING]
298
00:22:52,667 --> 00:22:54,710
- [SIGHS]
- [TOILET FLUSHES]
299
00:23:04,177 --> 00:23:05,971
REVEREND: Who am I to talk about pride?
300
00:23:11,226 --> 00:23:12,144
[SNIFFS]
301
00:23:26,158 --> 00:23:30,578
REVEREND: Well, to begin,
the church was constructed in 1767
302
00:23:30,661 --> 00:23:32,538
in a style we now call Dutch colonial.
303
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,751
It was made by settlers... follow me...
using local timber.
304
00:23:37,251 --> 00:23:39,795
First Reformed took seven years to build.
305
00:23:40,629 --> 00:23:41,547
The Vei Plancks.
306
00:23:42,131 --> 00:23:44,925
Effie here, her tombstone dates back to 1787.
307
00:23:45,426 --> 00:23:49,597
The church was partially rebuilt
in 1837 following a fire.
308
00:23:50,306 --> 00:23:52,850
This section remains preserved.
309
00:23:53,476 --> 00:23:57,188
If you look closely behind
the Continental Army flag,
310
00:23:57,271 --> 00:23:59,440
you'll find two bullet holes
311
00:23:59,523 --> 00:24:03,026
from shots fired during
the Skirmish of Snowbridge.
312
00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:07,822
In two months we're celebrating
our 250th anniversary.
313
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:11,367
Here is an example of some
of the church's chinaware
314
00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:12,869
brought over from the Netherlands.
315
00:24:13,161 --> 00:24:15,455
And the first chalice. It's beautiful.
316
00:24:15,830 --> 00:24:19,250
And here, this is the original key
from the front door before the fire.
317
00:24:19,334 --> 00:24:20,668
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
- Isn't that neat? Yeah.
318
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:24,297
And in that cabinet we have
souvenirs that are for sale.
319
00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:29,302
We have mugs, caps, postcards,
key chains, pens, t-shirts.
320
00:24:29,385 --> 00:24:30,345
What size are these?
321
00:24:30,428 --> 00:24:31,846
Unfortunately, they are all small.
322
00:24:31,930 --> 00:24:34,598
I have some more on order,
but I'm waiting for them to come in.
323
00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:35,891
The caps are great, though.
324
00:24:37,100 --> 00:24:38,393
It's a one-size-fits-all.
325
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:40,395
[SIGHS]
326
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:44,942
The pulpit was donated in 1879
by William Mercer.
327
00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:47,236
And the church organ,
328
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:50,030
which unfortunately
isn't working at this time,
329
00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:53,992
was manufactured in England by A.G. Hill.
330
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,830
Did you hear the one about
the choir mistress and the minister?
331
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:00,999
- No.
- She chased him
332
00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:02,918
around the church
and caught him by the organ.
333
00:25:05,045 --> 00:25:08,923
Huh. Oh, no, I hadn't heard that one.
334
00:25:09,382 --> 00:25:10,758
All right, come on. Follow me.
335
00:25:12,051 --> 00:25:14,095
All right, thank you all very much.
336
00:25:14,929 --> 00:25:16,013
- Be well.
- WOMAN: Thank you.
337
00:25:16,097 --> 00:25:18,056
REVEREND: Yeah, thanks a lot.
338
00:25:21,477 --> 00:25:22,603
Drive safe.
339
00:25:25,773 --> 00:25:26,691
Thanks.
340
00:25:31,821 --> 00:25:33,573
[SINGING "ARE YOU WASHED
IN THE BLOOD" BY ELISHA HOFFMAN]
341
00:25:33,656 --> 00:25:35,783
# Are you washed #
342
00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:38,411
# In the blood? #
343
00:25:38,494 --> 00:25:43,415
# In the soul-cleansing blood
Of the lamb? #
344
00:25:43,498 --> 00:25:45,959
# Are your garments spotless? #
345
00:25:46,042 --> 00:25:48,753
# Are they white as snow? #
346
00:25:48,837 --> 00:25:53,425
# Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? #
347
00:25:54,092 --> 00:25:59,097
# Are you walking daily
By the Savior's side? #
348
00:25:59,180 --> 00:26:03,727
# Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? #
349
00:26:04,227 --> 00:26:09,399
# Do you rest each moment
In the crucified? #
350
00:26:09,482 --> 00:26:13,570
# Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? #
351
00:26:14,486 --> 00:26:16,780
# Are you washed #
352
00:26:16,864 --> 00:26:19,575
# In the blood? #
353
00:26:19,658 --> 00:26:24,663
# In the soul-cleansing blood
Of the lamb? #
354
00:26:24,747 --> 00:26:27,207
# Are your garments spotless? #
355
00:26:27,291 --> 00:26:29,960
# Are they white as snow? #
356
00:26:30,044 --> 00:26:34,715
# Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? #
357
00:26:35,215 --> 00:26:37,885
# Are your garments spotless? #
358
00:26:37,968 --> 00:26:40,763
# Are they white as snow? #
359
00:26:40,846 --> 00:26:45,351
# Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? #
360
00:26:45,935 --> 00:26:48,603
# Are your garments spotless? #
361
00:26:48,686 --> 00:26:51,564
# Are they white as snow? #
362
00:26:51,940 --> 00:26:58,947
# Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? #
363
00:27:00,198 --> 00:27:01,491
Okay, take five.
364
00:27:06,079 --> 00:27:10,249
- Penny for your thoughts?
- Oh, Joel wanted to talk to me.
365
00:27:10,875 --> 00:27:13,211
- Nothing serious, I hope.
- Oh, I assume not.
366
00:27:14,587 --> 00:27:15,797
You want to have lunch?
367
00:27:16,673 --> 00:27:20,385
Well, I have something after but yeah,
I could sit with you for a second.
368
00:27:23,929 --> 00:27:25,180
WOMAN: Oh, remember that?
369
00:27:25,681 --> 00:27:26,598
What?
370
00:27:27,432 --> 00:27:29,184
When everything was ahead of you.
371
00:27:30,602 --> 00:27:33,772
Yeah. But try telling them that.
372
00:27:34,648 --> 00:27:35,649
See you then.
373
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:41,238
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
374
00:27:57,086 --> 00:27:58,004
Hello.
375
00:27:58,629 --> 00:27:59,547
- Reverend Toller.
- Yes.
376
00:27:59,630 --> 00:28:00,548
- Oh, go right in.
- Okay.
377
00:28:00,631 --> 00:28:01,799
He's expecting you.
378
00:28:09,306 --> 00:28:12,393
Um, this is... that's my wife's stuff, so.
379
00:28:13,561 --> 00:28:15,730
- Go ahead and deal with it.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
380
00:28:16,605 --> 00:28:18,649
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Oh, good! Reverend Toller.
381
00:28:18,733 --> 00:28:19,650
Come on in.
382
00:28:20,860 --> 00:28:23,612
Roger, make sure you get back to me
as soon as you can on that.
383
00:28:23,696 --> 00:28:24,905
- Hey, Reverend.
- Good seeing you.
384
00:28:24,989 --> 00:28:26,198
Why don't you have a seat there?
385
00:28:27,658 --> 00:28:29,617
Roger, okay to leave that door open.
386
00:28:29,701 --> 00:28:32,120
- Can I get you a water or anything?
- Oh, no, I'm good, I'm good.
387
00:28:32,203 --> 00:28:33,121
[GROANS]
388
00:28:33,288 --> 00:28:36,499
- So how are things over at First Reformed?
- Oh, busy. You know how it is.
389
00:28:36,583 --> 00:28:39,961
You do one thing to the other,
next thing you know it's Sunday again.
390
00:28:40,211 --> 00:28:41,963
- Yeah, tell me about it.
- [CHUCKLES]
391
00:28:42,047 --> 00:28:45,925
Well, I brought you in, I wanted to ask you
about the 250th reconsecration.
392
00:28:46,009 --> 00:28:47,886
Now, that's just around the corner.
393
00:28:47,969 --> 00:28:50,430
Yeah, of course. It's only eight weeks away.
394
00:28:50,513 --> 00:28:52,140
And how's the planning going on that?
395
00:28:52,724 --> 00:28:55,060
Well, your office is handling the invitations
396
00:28:55,143 --> 00:28:56,644
and I'm a little worried about seating.
397
00:28:56,728 --> 00:28:59,522
I mean, because we have your staff,
we have the elders, we have the deacons.
398
00:28:59,606 --> 00:29:02,816
We have the governor, his people.
The mayor, his people.
399
00:29:02,900 --> 00:29:04,276
We don't have any room for spillover.
400
00:29:04,359 --> 00:29:05,986
You know, it's the sanctuary and that's it.
401
00:29:06,487 --> 00:29:10,157
You know what, I think we'll simulcast
the ceremony here, in the main room.
402
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:11,617
- All right.
- So that's 5,000 seats.
403
00:29:11,700 --> 00:29:12,868
Yeah, okay. Well, then...
404
00:29:12,951 --> 00:29:14,995
We can do the reception in the rotunda.
405
00:29:15,621 --> 00:29:18,165
The organ at First Reformed.
406
00:29:18,248 --> 00:29:19,917
- Is that fixed?
- Yeah, no, it's not.
407
00:29:20,876 --> 00:29:23,545
We're waiting on some pieces.
408
00:29:23,629 --> 00:29:26,799
I don't... it was... it's just more
complicated than we thought at first.
409
00:29:26,882 --> 00:29:30,010
Well, we can't have a reconsecration
without an organ.
410
00:29:30,094 --> 00:29:31,720
[IMITATING ORGAN PLAYING]
411
00:29:31,804 --> 00:29:33,889
"A Mighty Fortress is our God."
412
00:29:33,972 --> 00:29:35,765
- That's all organ.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
413
00:29:35,848 --> 00:29:39,310
Did you know that
Martin Luther wrote that in an outhouse?
414
00:29:39,393 --> 00:29:40,436
TOLLER: Oh, yeah.
415
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:45,441
[STRAINING] "A Mighty Fortress"...
416
00:29:45,525 --> 00:29:46,984
[BOTH LAUGHING]
417
00:29:47,068 --> 00:29:48,861
I think every seminarian knows that one.
418
00:29:48,945 --> 00:29:51,823
Oh, man, I cannot get
that image out of my mind.
419
00:29:51,906 --> 00:29:56,160
I mean, whenever I see that song going on,
and I can look around the congregation
420
00:29:56,244 --> 00:29:58,788
and know everybody's thinking the same thing.
421
00:29:58,871 --> 00:30:03,251
This man, oh, goodness. Oh, makes me laugh.
422
00:30:03,334 --> 00:30:06,129
Anyway, have you prepared your remarks?
423
00:30:06,212 --> 00:30:09,506
Oh, no. Not yet, but I will.
424
00:30:10,841 --> 00:30:12,926
- So how are you?
- Oh, I'm fine.
425
00:30:13,885 --> 00:30:14,803
No, really.
426
00:30:15,679 --> 00:30:18,140
I mean, it's been awhile since we've talked.
427
00:30:18,223 --> 00:30:20,308
And you know, even a pastor needs a pastor.
428
00:30:21,434 --> 00:30:22,435
We should do it, okay?
429
00:30:23,103 --> 00:30:24,187
I'd like that.
430
00:30:24,271 --> 00:30:26,273
Good. And come by here more often.
431
00:30:26,606 --> 00:30:29,609
You should get out.
Come on by and be a part of things.
432
00:30:29,693 --> 00:30:31,778
So many activities you can do, and...
433
00:30:31,862 --> 00:30:33,405
- And the kids like you a lot.
- Mmm.
434
00:30:33,488 --> 00:30:34,781
They always speak highly of you.
435
00:30:34,865 --> 00:30:37,159
So you can get out of that...
what is the play?
436
00:30:37,242 --> 00:30:38,869
What do they like to call it
over where you are?
437
00:30:38,952 --> 00:30:43,205
- The museum.
- The souvenir shop.
438
00:30:43,831 --> 00:30:45,124
They call it the souvenir shop.
439
00:30:45,207 --> 00:30:47,585
Well, good. Well, good.
You're doing a great job.
440
00:30:49,003 --> 00:30:50,671
I'm grateful for the opportunity.
441
00:31:21,367 --> 00:31:22,911
WOMAN: How was Jeffers?
442
00:31:22,994 --> 00:31:25,538
TOLLER: Oh, he wants me to meet Ed Balq.
443
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,500
Balq Industries, Balq Energy,
Balq Paper, Balq Peanuts...
444
00:31:29,584 --> 00:31:30,501
Why?
445
00:31:31,127 --> 00:31:34,672
Well, it's all about the reconsecration.
446
00:31:34,756 --> 00:31:37,300
And apparently Mr. Balq wants
to make sure he gets
447
00:31:37,884 --> 00:31:40,011
proper credit for underwriting
the whole thing.
448
00:31:40,094 --> 00:31:41,095
Well, he should.
449
00:31:41,179 --> 00:31:43,514
First Reformed would be a parking lot
if it wasn't for him.
450
00:31:43,598 --> 00:31:44,515
I guess.
451
00:31:46,267 --> 00:31:47,518
Did you see the doctor?
452
00:31:49,353 --> 00:31:50,896
Yes, I made an appointment.
453
00:31:50,979 --> 00:31:53,482
There was a bit of a hang up
with the insurance company, but...
454
00:31:54,316 --> 00:31:55,692
God, they make it so difficult.
455
00:31:57,027 --> 00:31:59,988
- Yeah, well, that's what they do.
- Mm-hmm.
456
00:32:01,156 --> 00:32:02,908
You need someone to take care of you.
457
00:32:06,286 --> 00:32:10,290
Esther, we tried that. I'm not made for that.
458
00:32:10,374 --> 00:32:14,211
[SCOFFS] For what? Love?
You're not made for love?
459
00:32:16,171 --> 00:32:17,422
My marriage was a failure.
460
00:32:19,299 --> 00:32:21,885
No marriage can survive the loss of a child.
461
00:32:28,266 --> 00:32:29,183
It's not right.
462
00:32:33,771 --> 00:32:34,814
Is that what you think?
463
00:32:35,773 --> 00:32:37,358
That what we did together was a sin?
464
00:32:37,441 --> 00:32:40,945
- That we transgressed?
- No, that's not what I think.
465
00:32:41,904 --> 00:32:45,116
I've seen enough real sin
to know the difference. It's just...
466
00:32:46,993 --> 00:32:47,910
Okay?
467
00:32:48,327 --> 00:32:49,245
Okay.
468
00:32:50,162 --> 00:32:51,330
I understand, I...
469
00:32:52,665 --> 00:32:54,500
I care about you. I want you to be happy.
470
00:32:57,460 --> 00:32:58,586
Well, I am happy.
471
00:33:05,737 --> 00:33:07,864
TOLLER: Some are called
for their gregariousness.
472
00:33:08,824 --> 00:33:10,492
Some are called for their suffering.
473
00:33:12,285 --> 00:33:14,287
Others are called for their loneliness.
474
00:33:15,664 --> 00:33:16,706
They are called by God
475
00:33:16,790 --> 00:33:18,667
because through the vessel of communication,
476
00:33:18,750 --> 00:33:19,876
they can reach out
477
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,962
and hold beating hearts in their hands.
478
00:33:24,297 --> 00:33:26,716
They are called because
of their all-consuming knowledge
479
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:28,760
of the emptiness of all things
480
00:33:29,260 --> 00:33:31,929
that can only be filled
by the presence of our Savior.
481
00:33:32,012 --> 00:33:33,055
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
482
00:33:38,310 --> 00:33:40,062
- Yes?
- MARY: Reverend Toller?
483
00:33:40,146 --> 00:33:41,147
- Oh!
- It's me.
484
00:33:41,230 --> 00:33:42,148
Yes, Mary?
485
00:33:43,190 --> 00:33:45,526
I got your message about rescheduling.
486
00:33:45,609 --> 00:33:47,987
You must come over. Now.
487
00:33:49,196 --> 00:33:51,699
- Is Michael there?
- No, he's at work.
488
00:33:51,782 --> 00:33:55,286
- You must come over now.
- Okay. Okay.
489
00:34:05,598 --> 00:34:07,600
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
490
00:34:14,899 --> 00:34:15,817
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
491
00:34:20,363 --> 00:34:21,281
Thanks for coming.
492
00:34:25,451 --> 00:34:26,452
Follow me.
493
00:34:44,386 --> 00:34:48,265
MARY: I was looking for some batteries
'cause we were out.
494
00:34:48,348 --> 00:34:50,976
And I thought maybe
there'd be some in here, you know?
495
00:34:51,059 --> 00:34:54,146
And then something just didn't seem right.
496
00:34:56,273 --> 00:34:58,150
Okay, I put everything back
the way I found it,
497
00:34:58,233 --> 00:35:01,987
'cause I wanted you to see how it was.
498
00:35:18,588 --> 00:35:19,756
Explosives?
499
00:35:21,174 --> 00:35:22,508
It's a suicide vest.
500
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,094
And there's other elements in there, too.
501
00:35:25,178 --> 00:35:30,058
There's batteries and detonators
and tubes of jelly.
502
00:35:32,810 --> 00:35:35,772
You know, he'd been working
in the garage lately,
503
00:35:35,855 --> 00:35:38,941
and he said he was fixing a motor.
504
00:35:39,817 --> 00:35:41,235
And I didn't question him.
505
00:35:41,319 --> 00:35:42,612
'Cause I was just happy
506
00:35:42,695 --> 00:35:44,905
that he was doing something
that made him happy.
507
00:35:45,322 --> 00:35:46,990
But you had no idea
that he was thinking of...
508
00:35:47,074 --> 00:35:50,202
No, no suspicions. Nothing like this.
509
00:35:50,285 --> 00:35:52,871
All right, well,
I'm gonna take this, all right?
510
00:35:52,954 --> 00:35:54,498
This cannot remain here.
511
00:35:54,581 --> 00:35:58,460
I'm gonna take it and dispose of it. And...
512
00:35:58,543 --> 00:36:00,212
You're not gonna go to the police?
513
00:36:00,796 --> 00:36:02,464
No, I won't... do you... do you want me to?
514
00:36:02,547 --> 00:36:05,425
- No! No, no, no.
- I don't think it'd help.
515
00:36:05,509 --> 00:36:07,302
I don't think anything good
516
00:36:07,386 --> 00:36:09,096
will come from him feeling threatened.
517
00:36:09,596 --> 00:36:12,641
I'm gonna come over tomorrow. Tomorrow.
518
00:36:13,684 --> 00:36:17,228
Somehow, through conversation,
I will address this.
519
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:20,690
I'm so frightened.
520
00:36:20,773 --> 00:36:22,733
You don't mean
that he... you're afraid of him?
521
00:36:22,817 --> 00:36:24,276
- That he's gonna hurt you, right?
- No.
522
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,237
- No, no, no. I'm afraid for him.
- No? Okay, all right.
523
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:27,488
You know, are there other activists,
524
00:36:27,571 --> 00:36:29,824
- like, coming around, calling?
- No. There's nobody.
525
00:36:29,907 --> 00:36:32,827
He has no friends.
He's barely even sociable, so.
526
00:36:33,494 --> 00:36:34,578
All right, but he has you.
527
00:36:36,038 --> 00:36:36,997
- Yeah.
- You'll stand by him?
528
00:36:37,540 --> 00:36:40,126
- Yeah, absolutely.
- All right. Well, so will I.
529
00:36:54,723 --> 00:36:57,517
TOLLER: Discernment intersects
with Christian life at every moment.
530
00:37:00,353 --> 00:37:01,271
Discernment.
531
00:37:04,399 --> 00:37:07,861
Listening and waiting for God's wish
what action must be taken.
532
00:37:23,709 --> 00:37:26,086
TOLLER: My petty ailments
have made me bad-tempered.
533
00:37:27,337 --> 00:37:30,507
I fight the urge not to write down
the thoughts which come to my mind.
534
00:37:35,345 --> 00:37:37,931
TOLLER: The desire to pray itself
is a type of prayer.
535
00:37:38,015 --> 00:37:39,099
[RETCHING]
536
00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:43,771
How often we ask for genuine experience
when all we really want is emotion.
537
00:37:45,647 --> 00:37:47,441
[COUGHING]
538
00:37:48,817 --> 00:37:51,153
TOLLER: My hands shake
as I write these lines.
539
00:38:11,756 --> 00:38:13,591
I wasn't expecting you
for another couple of weeks.
540
00:38:14,755 --> 00:38:16,298
We got a message from the boss.
541
00:38:16,381 --> 00:38:18,008
He said it was a top priority.
542
00:38:18,091 --> 00:38:19,676
You're having some kind of big event here?
543
00:38:20,177 --> 00:38:23,514
Yeah, the church is having
its 250th anniversary.
544
00:38:23,597 --> 00:38:26,600
Abundant Life is planning quite the ceremony.
545
00:38:28,811 --> 00:38:30,812
[ORGAN PLAYING]
546
00:38:33,397 --> 00:38:35,066
Hmm. "A Mighty Fortress."
547
00:38:36,108 --> 00:38:37,902
- [CELL PHONE CHIMES]
- Oh.
548
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:50,564
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
549
00:39:19,175 --> 00:39:20,176
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
550
00:39:24,014 --> 00:39:24,931
[CAR DOOR SLAMS]
551
00:39:56,893 --> 00:39:58,311
[AIRPLANE FLIES OVERHEAD]
552
00:40:31,290 --> 00:40:32,708
[QUIETLY] Jesus.
553
00:40:36,170 --> 00:40:37,087
[QUIETLY] My God.
554
00:40:37,671 --> 00:40:39,089
[BIRDS CALLING IN THE DISTANCE]
555
00:40:47,930 --> 00:40:48,848
[EXHALES]
556
00:40:54,604 --> 00:40:56,606
[CELL PHONE BEEPING]
557
00:41:01,611 --> 00:41:02,695
TOLLER: Yeah, see that?
558
00:41:03,613 --> 00:41:05,073
I mean, he had been fighting with depression.
559
00:41:05,156 --> 00:41:06,657
That's why I was supposed to meet him.
560
00:41:07,575 --> 00:41:09,369
I never imagined anything like this.
561
00:41:10,453 --> 00:41:12,372
SHERIFF: Were you in touch
with the immediate family?
562
00:41:12,455 --> 00:41:14,082
Well, his wife, Mary.
563
00:41:14,165 --> 00:41:16,417
She's the one who first
asked me to meet with him.
564
00:41:17,126 --> 00:41:18,460
Did she know about your text?
565
00:41:19,002 --> 00:41:21,755
No, but she was concerned. We both were.
566
00:41:22,381 --> 00:41:25,217
Hmm. Have you notified her?
567
00:41:27,260 --> 00:41:30,180
- No.
- I guess that's where I'm headed.
568
00:41:30,722 --> 00:41:32,057
All right. Okay.
569
00:41:32,474 --> 00:41:34,601
All right, do you mind
if I follow behind you?
570
00:41:34,893 --> 00:41:37,979
- All right.
- I knew his father.
571
00:41:38,855 --> 00:41:42,067
- Really? What's he like?
- A businessman.
572
00:41:42,776 --> 00:41:46,321
Morbid son of a bitch.
I guess it runs in the blood.
573
00:41:56,997 --> 00:41:58,165
SHERIFF: Thank you, Reverend.
574
00:42:00,918 --> 00:42:03,337
Mrs. Mensana, hey again,
I'm sorry for your loss.
575
00:42:03,421 --> 00:42:05,256
If there's anything else that
we can do, please let us know.
576
00:42:05,339 --> 00:42:06,966
- MARY: Thanks.
- SHERIFF: Thank you, Reverend.
577
00:42:07,049 --> 00:42:07,967
TOLLER: Thank you.
578
00:42:22,773 --> 00:42:24,191
You didn't tell the police, right?
579
00:42:25,733 --> 00:42:26,651
About?
580
00:42:27,402 --> 00:42:28,319
No.
581
00:42:29,529 --> 00:42:30,447
No.
582
00:42:32,115 --> 00:42:35,285
If you find anything else...
583
00:42:36,953 --> 00:42:39,956
like that, get rid of it.
584
00:42:41,166 --> 00:42:43,418
As long as it's safe, I mean.
Burn it, bury it.
585
00:42:44,836 --> 00:42:47,297
Michael was troubled but his cause was just.
586
00:42:47,380 --> 00:42:50,008
There's no reason to bring
disrepute on that cause.
587
00:42:51,342 --> 00:42:54,095
- [WHISPERS] Yeah.
- Are you an activist as well?
588
00:42:55,972 --> 00:42:57,599
I share Michael's beliefs.
589
00:43:00,225 --> 00:43:03,228
But not his despair. I mean, I wanna live.
590
00:43:03,312 --> 00:43:04,354
- I wanna be a mother.
- Right.
591
00:43:04,438 --> 00:43:06,523
I wanna have this child.
592
00:43:07,900 --> 00:43:09,568
Do you have family nearby?
593
00:43:09,651 --> 00:43:11,904
My... yeah, my sister. She's in Buffalo.
594
00:43:11,987 --> 00:43:13,947
- You might want to call her.
- I will.
595
00:43:24,166 --> 00:43:26,710
So he went into the garage?
596
00:43:29,505 --> 00:43:30,422
Yeah.
597
00:43:33,049 --> 00:43:33,966
What did he say?
598
00:43:35,801 --> 00:43:36,719
Nothing.
599
00:43:47,730 --> 00:43:49,273
Well, from a police point of view,
600
00:43:49,357 --> 00:43:53,611
I imagine this is
a pretty cut-and-dried case.
601
00:43:53,694 --> 00:43:58,783
Still, I'd probably clean up the office,
maybe get rid of his laptop.
602
00:44:04,705 --> 00:44:05,622
You...
603
00:44:31,231 --> 00:44:32,232
MARY: Open it.
604
00:45:05,472 --> 00:45:06,682
I'd sensed it.
605
00:45:08,017 --> 00:45:08,934
What?
606
00:45:10,936 --> 00:45:11,979
He was absent.
607
00:45:15,231 --> 00:45:17,275
He was becoming someone I didn't know.
608
00:45:21,154 --> 00:45:22,780
Like, before I was pregnant even.
609
00:45:25,533 --> 00:45:28,202
And he was just so full of anger, you know?
610
00:45:33,791 --> 00:45:35,668
Yeah, I should probably call my parents.
611
00:45:36,502 --> 00:45:37,420
My sister.
612
00:45:40,340 --> 00:45:42,717
They should... they should know.
613
00:45:45,428 --> 00:45:47,220
TOLLER: I stayed while she called her sister.
614
00:45:47,971 --> 00:45:49,723
Her sister was going to drive down
615
00:45:50,849 --> 00:45:52,976
and her parents would come
for the final rights.
616
00:45:58,315 --> 00:45:59,483
TOLLER: Hey, Bill. Chicken or beef?
617
00:46:00,067 --> 00:46:01,401
- Beef.
- Beef. Okay, great.
618
00:46:02,027 --> 00:46:02,944
How've you been?
619
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,322
- I'm all right. Yeah.
- [MUMBLES] You okay?
620
00:46:08,116 --> 00:46:10,452
- Is that enough for you?
- Thanks a lot, Reverend.
621
00:46:11,828 --> 00:46:13,246
Did you want the chicken or the beef?
622
00:46:13,538 --> 00:46:16,124
- Uh, the beef, thank you.
- Beef? Yeah.
623
00:46:17,668 --> 00:46:20,294
There you are. Careful, it's hot.
624
00:46:21,629 --> 00:46:23,422
Reverend, I wanted to ask you...
625
00:46:23,506 --> 00:46:25,049
- Oh, sh...
- [GROANS]
626
00:46:25,257 --> 00:46:27,885
Damn, I'm sorry, Joseph! I'm so sorry.
627
00:46:28,803 --> 00:46:29,720
TOLLER: Terrible night.
628
00:46:30,930 --> 00:46:34,016
No sooner than I shut my eyes,
desolation came upon me.
629
00:46:36,060 --> 00:46:38,479
What is one's last thought
as you pull the trigger?
630
00:46:40,523 --> 00:46:41,691
"There goes my head."
631
00:46:42,483 --> 00:46:45,027
Or, "Jesus, watch over me."
632
00:46:45,569 --> 00:46:46,487
Or neither?
633
00:46:48,197 --> 00:46:49,782
I'm going to tear these pages out.
634
00:46:50,866 --> 00:46:52,450
This journal brings me no peace.
635
00:46:53,410 --> 00:46:55,495
It's self-pity. Nothing more.
636
00:47:11,678 --> 00:47:13,680
[KEYBOARD CLICKING]
637
00:47:18,935 --> 00:47:21,104
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
638
00:47:32,990 --> 00:47:34,908
TOLLER: I awoke at 3:00 with a cry.
639
00:47:36,076 --> 00:47:39,413
It's been five months
since I sensed the first warning signs.
640
00:47:43,876 --> 00:47:46,628
I went into the church
and fell asleep on a bench.
641
00:47:53,385 --> 00:47:55,429
TOLLER: How easily they talk about prayer,
642
00:47:56,138 --> 00:47:57,765
those who have never really prayed.
643
00:48:04,395 --> 00:48:05,480
WOMAN: Excuse me?
644
00:48:08,065 --> 00:48:09,275
Oh, my goodness!
645
00:48:11,235 --> 00:48:15,573
BOY: Well, since I made my commitment,
I have felt the Lord moving in my life.
646
00:48:15,656 --> 00:48:17,867
- [TOLLER CHUCKLES]
- If happiness came in pill size,
647
00:48:17,950 --> 00:48:19,577
it would have JC stamped on it.
648
00:48:19,660 --> 00:48:20,745
[LAUGHTER]
649
00:48:21,621 --> 00:48:22,997
Continuous release size.
650
00:48:24,207 --> 00:48:27,001
I wake up feeling better.
651
00:48:27,084 --> 00:48:31,881
My relationships are better
and I got a raise last week.
652
00:48:32,590 --> 00:48:35,258
I find myself in prayer
without even thinking about it.
653
00:48:37,552 --> 00:48:40,514
Thank you, Jason. That is very inspiring.
654
00:48:41,389 --> 00:48:45,227
Praise Jesus. My every breath is a prayer.
655
00:48:46,228 --> 00:48:49,856
Thoughts? Reactions? Yes? Cynthia.
656
00:48:50,857 --> 00:48:52,901
Three months ago, my father got laid off.
657
00:48:54,277 --> 00:48:55,403
He can't find any work.
658
00:48:55,904 --> 00:48:58,073
Nobody loves the Lord more than my father.
659
00:48:58,156 --> 00:49:00,909
He is always testifying, he volunteers.
660
00:49:02,077 --> 00:49:03,245
Did he do something wrong?
661
00:49:06,039 --> 00:49:09,124
[CLEARS THROAT] You all know Reverend Toller
662
00:49:09,208 --> 00:49:10,376
from First Reformed.
663
00:49:11,460 --> 00:49:13,546
- MAN: Hello.
- Hey, yeah. Hi. Yeah.
664
00:49:14,463 --> 00:49:17,341
How do you answer this, Reverend?
665
00:49:18,342 --> 00:49:21,220
Well, Cynthia, I'm sorry
that happened to your father.
666
00:49:21,720 --> 00:49:26,308
There's a lot of church people,
good Christians, who see a connection
667
00:49:26,392 --> 00:49:29,395
between godliness and prosperity.
668
00:49:30,229 --> 00:49:31,939
But that's not what Jesus teaches.
669
00:49:32,523 --> 00:49:33,691
That's not what Jesus lived.
670
00:49:33,774 --> 00:49:35,609
There's no dollar sign on His pulpit.
671
00:49:36,193 --> 00:49:37,820
There's no American flag either.
672
00:49:38,737 --> 00:49:42,240
I think, Cynthia, what your father
is experiencing is...
673
00:49:42,323 --> 00:49:43,867
BOY 2: Christians shouldn't succeed.
674
00:49:44,659 --> 00:49:47,412
That's what he means.
Christianity is for losers?
675
00:49:47,871 --> 00:49:49,372
Jake, Jake! [LAUGHS]
676
00:49:49,455 --> 00:49:51,291
I just get tired of turn the other cheek.
677
00:49:51,791 --> 00:49:53,334
Jesus didn't turn the other cheek.
678
00:49:53,835 --> 00:49:54,836
Why stand for anything?
679
00:49:55,545 --> 00:49:56,880
Take prayer out of the schools.
680
00:49:57,422 --> 00:49:59,883
Give money to people too lazy to work for it.
681
00:49:59,966 --> 00:50:01,634
And whatever you do,
don't offend the Muslims.
682
00:50:03,094 --> 00:50:04,762
I mean, no sooner do I mention the poor,
683
00:50:04,846 --> 00:50:06,890
and this teenager jumps down my throat
684
00:50:06,973 --> 00:50:09,392
like I just took a shit on the American flag.
685
00:50:09,475 --> 00:50:12,896
Forgive my language. Oh, God!
686
00:50:12,979 --> 00:50:13,896
I know. Roger told me.
687
00:50:13,979 --> 00:50:16,773
He was great. He was terrific.
He's a good man.
688
00:50:16,857 --> 00:50:18,150
Well, he said you kept your cool
689
00:50:18,233 --> 00:50:19,276
and he admired you for that.
690
00:50:19,818 --> 00:50:21,486
There's just no middle ground
with these kids.
691
00:50:21,570 --> 00:50:23,363
Everything is so extreme.
692
00:50:23,739 --> 00:50:25,490
It's the times. These are frightening times.
693
00:50:25,574 --> 00:50:27,826
These kids, they grow up in a world
694
00:50:27,910 --> 00:50:30,162
that you and I, we wouldn't even recognize.
695
00:50:30,537 --> 00:50:34,374
Global warming, a sea of pornography,
696
00:50:34,458 --> 00:50:36,460
hyper violent video games.
697
00:50:36,543 --> 00:50:37,878
It's a world without privacy.
698
00:50:38,378 --> 00:50:41,590
Each kid isolated, communicating on media.
699
00:50:42,341 --> 00:50:43,550
It's a world without hope!
700
00:50:44,176 --> 00:50:45,719
You don't know what it's like
to raise a kid in this...
701
00:50:45,802 --> 00:50:46,969
No, I did raise a kid.
702
00:50:49,013 --> 00:50:51,307
- I didn't mean it like that.
- I know you didn't.
703
00:50:53,059 --> 00:50:54,644
JEFFERS: They're just frightened.
704
00:50:54,727 --> 00:50:56,646
- These kids, they want certainty.
- Mm-hmm.
705
00:50:56,729 --> 00:50:58,773
You know, don't think: follow.
706
00:51:01,150 --> 00:51:03,027
But they fall prey to extremism.
707
00:51:03,611 --> 00:51:06,113
Jihadism is everywhere.
708
00:51:06,614 --> 00:51:07,531
Even here.
709
00:51:07,615 --> 00:51:10,743
It's just... that's not
the church that called me.
710
00:51:10,826 --> 00:51:11,953
Nor me.
711
00:51:12,036 --> 00:51:15,081
It's up to us. We have to listen and guide
712
00:51:15,164 --> 00:51:19,502
and encourage our young members
to express themselves
713
00:51:19,585 --> 00:51:20,752
without judging them.
714
00:51:21,294 --> 00:51:22,337
We have to lead by example.
715
00:51:23,546 --> 00:51:24,714
We have to be patient.
716
00:51:32,180 --> 00:51:36,851
- [ORGAN PLAYING]
- Oh, this sounds great.
717
00:51:36,935 --> 00:51:39,521
I'm gonna have to sharpen my chops
for the reconsecration.
718
00:51:40,313 --> 00:51:41,648
Do you know what they want to play?
719
00:51:41,731 --> 00:51:43,984
No, I have no idea.
Abundant Life is handling everything.
720
00:51:44,067 --> 00:51:45,276
Invites, the seating.
721
00:51:45,777 --> 00:51:47,362
Basically, I just introduce Joel.
722
00:51:47,862 --> 00:51:51,700
And then he does his spiel,
introduces the governor, maybe Ed Balq.
723
00:51:51,783 --> 00:51:55,327
- Oh, why him?
- It's sort of his whole deal.
724
00:51:55,411 --> 00:51:58,163
I mean, he's underwritten the whole thing,
paid to have the organ fixed.
725
00:51:58,914 --> 00:51:59,832
I do have another...
726
00:51:59,915 --> 00:52:01,959
- Oh, take it from the top.
- ...musical question for you.
727
00:52:02,042 --> 00:52:03,919
[ORGAN PLAYING]
728
00:52:16,306 --> 00:52:19,601
It's actually
a... kind of sad bit of business.
729
00:52:19,685 --> 00:52:21,645
- Hmm?
- The Michael Mensana memorial.
730
00:52:21,729 --> 00:52:25,315
The scattering of his ashes.
He's asked me to arrange it.
731
00:52:26,734 --> 00:52:27,734
JOHN: He's asked you?
732
00:52:29,110 --> 00:52:32,405
Well, he wrote a letter.
He had some requests.
733
00:52:37,410 --> 00:52:39,037
TOLLER: Then the Lord spoke to Job,
734
00:52:39,704 --> 00:52:40,788
stepped from the storm.
735
00:52:42,081 --> 00:52:44,459
He said, "Where were you
when I laid the earth's foundations,
736
00:52:44,542 --> 00:52:48,171
marked out its dimensions,
laid its cornerstone?
737
00:52:51,674 --> 00:52:53,259
When the morning stars sang,
738
00:52:54,761 --> 00:52:58,347
and the angels
shouted with joy, where were you?"
739
00:53:02,059 --> 00:53:03,685
These surroundings were chosen by Michael
740
00:53:03,769 --> 00:53:06,104
as the repository for his physical remains.
741
00:53:06,772 --> 00:53:08,398
I say physical because his memories
742
00:53:08,482 --> 00:53:10,067
and spirit live on with us,
743
00:53:10,942 --> 00:53:12,110
as does his mission.
744
00:53:13,361 --> 00:53:14,863
Michael cared about this world.
745
00:53:16,281 --> 00:53:17,365
Perhaps too much.
746
00:53:19,076 --> 00:53:22,412
The Abundant Life youth choir
will now sing for us
747
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:24,372
a song chosen by Michael.
748
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:33,882
[PITCH PIPE PLAYS]
749
00:53:36,050 --> 00:53:38,094
[SINGING "WHO'S GOING TO STAND UP
AND SAVE THE EARTH" BY NEIL YOUNG]
750
00:53:38,177 --> 00:53:42,056
# Protect the wild, tomorrow's child #
751
00:53:42,848 --> 00:53:47,520
# Protect the land from the greed of man #
752
00:53:48,229 --> 00:53:53,067
# Take out the dams, stand up to oil #
753
00:53:53,692 --> 00:53:58,155
# Protect the plants and renew the soil #
754
00:53:58,948 --> 00:54:03,160
# Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth? #
755
00:54:04,078 --> 00:54:08,289
# Who's gonna say that she's had enough? #
756
00:54:08,957 --> 00:54:13,336
# Who's gonna take on the big machine? #
757
00:54:13,837 --> 00:54:17,924
# Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth? #
758
00:54:18,383 --> 00:54:22,595
# This all starts with you and me #
759
00:54:26,432 --> 00:54:28,560
# End fossil fuels #
760
00:54:29,060 --> 00:54:30,895
# Draw the line #
761
00:54:31,312 --> 00:54:35,525
# Before we build one more pipeline #
762
00:54:36,276 --> 00:54:38,069
# End fracking now #
763
00:54:38,611 --> 00:54:40,530
# Let's save the water #
764
00:54:41,113 --> 00:54:45,284
# And build a life
For our sons and daughters #
765
00:54:46,034 --> 00:54:50,289
# Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth? #
766
00:54:50,998 --> 00:54:54,960
# Who's gonna say that she's had enough? #
767
00:54:55,836 --> 00:54:59,882
# Who's gonna take on the big machine? #
768
00:55:00,674 --> 00:55:04,720
# Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth? #
769
00:55:05,137 --> 00:55:10,017
# This all starts with you and me #
770
00:55:10,100 --> 00:55:11,018
[SONG ENDS]
771
00:55:18,608 --> 00:55:19,525
[CAR APPROACHING]
772
00:55:33,122 --> 00:55:34,165
- I'm good.
- All right.
773
00:55:47,220 --> 00:55:48,511
- MAN: Mr. Balq!
- Hey!
774
00:55:48,595 --> 00:55:50,013
- Hello!
- How are you?
775
00:55:50,096 --> 00:55:51,598
- Very good, very good.
- Good, good, good.
776
00:55:53,475 --> 00:55:57,270
Hey. Sorry I'm late. I got... I got held up.
777
00:55:57,687 --> 00:55:59,356
JEFFERS: Oh, good.
You know Reverend Toller, right?
778
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:00,982
Well, only by sight. Ed Balq.
779
00:56:01,066 --> 00:56:02,484
- Good to meet you.
- TOLLER: It's nice to meet you.
780
00:56:04,194 --> 00:56:05,111
Just bring me a coffee
781
00:56:05,195 --> 00:56:07,113
- and the apple pie, all right?
- Okay. Thank you.
782
00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:09,282
The apple pie.
783
00:56:09,366 --> 00:56:11,910
I know it's a cliché
but they make it right here.
784
00:56:11,993 --> 00:56:13,745
It's organic. It's local.
785
00:56:14,537 --> 00:56:16,206
I have a surprise for you.
786
00:56:16,289 --> 00:56:21,044
I stopped by the printer on the way over.
787
00:56:23,879 --> 00:56:24,797
Oh.
788
00:56:25,631 --> 00:56:29,134
Oh, nice. Nice. They did a great job.
789
00:56:29,218 --> 00:56:32,304
Yeah, all the guests
at the reconsecration will get a copy.
790
00:56:32,388 --> 00:56:34,139
And then there will also be a mailing.
791
00:56:34,223 --> 00:56:36,517
And of course it will be
available at the bookstore.
792
00:56:36,934 --> 00:56:38,060
So how are the plans coming?
793
00:56:38,769 --> 00:56:40,020
Is the organ repaired?
794
00:56:40,104 --> 00:56:42,356
Oh, yeah. It sounds beautiful.
Better than ever.
795
00:56:43,065 --> 00:56:47,486
Okay. We drew up a little seating chart.
796
00:56:48,070 --> 00:56:49,822
Now, Mayor Wilson will be there,
797
00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:51,198
as well as the governor.
798
00:56:51,282 --> 00:56:52,324
Well, at least he's going to try...
799
00:56:52,408 --> 00:56:53,993
TOLLER: All of those mighty men of God,
800
00:56:54,910 --> 00:56:56,327
servants of the cross.
801
00:56:56,411 --> 00:57:00,790
Years of service, baptisms,
confessions, funerals, sermons.
802
00:57:00,873 --> 00:57:02,250
The hours in prayer,
803
00:57:02,709 --> 00:57:04,252
the afflictions suffered.
804
00:57:04,794 --> 00:57:06,170
Did God give them strength?
805
00:57:06,796 --> 00:57:08,423
JEFFERS: Reverend Toller will introduce me.
806
00:57:08,673 --> 00:57:10,675
I'll go up, I'll introduce the governor.
807
00:57:11,009 --> 00:57:12,927
There'll be a song selection.
Now, the main...
808
00:57:13,011 --> 00:57:14,762
There won't be anything
political though, will there?
809
00:57:15,513 --> 00:57:17,598
No. No, why would there be?
810
00:57:18,391 --> 00:57:19,684
Well... oh, sorry. Do you mind?
811
00:57:19,767 --> 00:57:20,768
WOMAN: Here you are.
812
00:57:21,185 --> 00:57:22,395
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
813
00:57:22,478 --> 00:57:24,689
- Well, I ask...
- Enjoy.
814
00:57:24,772 --> 00:57:27,775
...only 'cause this came to my attention.
815
00:57:28,817 --> 00:57:31,111
It's a printout from a website.
816
00:57:31,862 --> 00:57:35,073
Well, both First Reformed
and Abundant Life are mentioned by name.
817
00:57:35,157 --> 00:57:39,077
It was a political event.
A Neil Young protest song?
818
00:57:40,078 --> 00:57:43,790
I was just respecting the wishes
of the deceased and his widow.
819
00:57:43,874 --> 00:57:46,376
It was their instructions
for the memorial service.
820
00:57:46,460 --> 00:57:49,671
At a toxic waste site
with the press in attendance?
821
00:57:49,755 --> 00:57:51,048
There was no press invited.
822
00:57:51,131 --> 00:57:52,966
No, this is just Mensana's friends.
823
00:57:53,050 --> 00:57:54,301
It was a political act.
824
00:57:54,384 --> 00:57:57,471
And you and the choir represented
the Abundant Life Church.
825
00:57:57,554 --> 00:58:00,265
And the Hanstown site,
by the way, isn't even polluted.
826
00:58:00,349 --> 00:58:02,058
It was cleaned up with EPA superfunds.
827
00:58:02,850 --> 00:58:04,518
- Well, Hanstown...
- No, no, of course not,
828
00:58:04,602 --> 00:58:06,812
but just give me some credit, all right?
I'm in the energy business.
829
00:58:06,896 --> 00:58:08,272
It's my business to stay informed.
830
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:10,524
Look, sorry.
831
00:58:10,941 --> 00:58:13,903
Reverend Toller didn't understand
the implications here.
832
00:58:15,671 --> 00:58:17,339
- May I ask a question?
- BALQ: Yeah, go ahead.
833
00:58:17,673 --> 00:58:18,841
Will God forgive us?
834
00:58:22,511 --> 00:58:25,055
Will God forgive us for what
we're doing to his creation?
835
00:58:25,139 --> 00:58:27,850
That's what Mensana asked me
when I visited him.
836
00:58:29,143 --> 00:58:33,021
This... there's been a lot of loose talk
about environmental change.
837
00:58:33,105 --> 00:58:36,107
There is scientific consensus.
Ninety-seven percent...
838
00:58:36,190 --> 00:58:39,152
TOLLER: The man who says nothing
always seems more intelligent.
839
00:58:39,777 --> 00:58:41,737
Why couldn't I just keep silent?
840
00:58:43,322 --> 00:58:45,032
It's a complicated subject.
841
00:58:45,116 --> 00:58:46,033
Not really.
842
00:58:46,659 --> 00:58:48,244
I mean, who benefits?
843
00:58:49,036 --> 00:58:50,121
Cui bono? Who profits?
844
00:58:50,204 --> 00:58:51,455
That's what I keep asking myself.
845
00:58:51,539 --> 00:58:55,668
Besides the Biblical call to stewardship,
who profits when we soil our own nest?
846
00:58:55,751 --> 00:58:57,545
- What's to be gained...
- Can we just agree to keep politics
847
00:58:57,628 --> 00:58:59,005
out of the reconsecration service?
848
00:58:59,088 --> 00:59:01,716
- Yes.
- Yeah, but this isn't politics.
849
00:59:01,799 --> 00:59:05,636
- I mean, what God wants is for...
- Oh, you know the mind of God?
850
00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:07,305
You spoke to Him, personally?
851
00:59:07,847 --> 00:59:09,472
He told you His plans for Earth?
852
00:59:12,684 --> 00:59:15,854
Look, I understand, you're upset.
853
00:59:18,857 --> 00:59:20,817
I mean, you found the body, correct?
854
00:59:22,319 --> 00:59:23,236
Yes.
855
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:25,677
How?
856
00:59:32,017 --> 00:59:34,519
I was supposed to meet him.
857
00:59:35,354 --> 00:59:40,609
And he texted me and... a change of location.
858
00:59:41,151 --> 00:59:42,069
BALQ: And?
859
00:59:44,570 --> 00:59:45,988
And I went there and he was dead.
860
00:59:50,034 --> 00:59:51,619
So you counseled him, Reverend?
861
00:59:53,287 --> 00:59:54,205
Yes.
862
00:59:54,830 --> 00:59:57,875
You counseled him, then he shot himself?
863
00:59:58,667 --> 00:59:59,585
JEFFERS: Ed?
864
01:00:01,670 --> 01:00:02,588
Yes.
865
01:00:05,966 --> 01:00:07,885
Well, I think you need
to step back, Reverend,
866
01:00:09,095 --> 01:00:11,847
and take a look at your own life
before you criticize others.
867
01:00:13,057 --> 01:00:13,974
Hmm?
868
01:00:34,455 --> 01:00:36,332
TOLLER: Mary and I rode the park trail.
869
01:00:38,584 --> 01:00:41,712
I had not ridden a bicycle,
I think, in 20 years.
870
01:00:47,588 --> 01:00:49,090
I was afraid I would fall.
871
01:00:55,554 --> 01:00:59,057
It's amazing the simple,
curative power of exercise.
872
01:01:04,938 --> 01:01:06,148
It's God-given.
873
01:01:14,489 --> 01:01:15,866
Thank you again.
874
01:01:16,533 --> 01:01:19,953
Michael and I used to cycle twice a week
and I've missed it so much.
875
01:01:20,037 --> 01:01:21,496
Oh, I enjoyed it.
876
01:01:22,289 --> 01:01:24,123
It's been a long time. [CHUCKLES]
877
01:01:24,206 --> 01:01:25,541
But it was under protest.
878
01:01:26,709 --> 01:01:29,170
- I asked my doctor.
- Really? Still.
879
01:01:31,297 --> 01:01:33,382
- Can I ask you another favor?
- Sure.
880
01:01:34,133 --> 01:01:37,219
Could you box up Michael's things?
Or find somebody to do it?
881
01:01:39,722 --> 01:01:41,515
You sure you want to give them
away so quickly?
882
01:01:42,224 --> 01:01:44,602
Not, like, not give it away, just, you know.
883
01:01:44,685 --> 01:01:47,855
Just box them up.
It just, you know, I feel...
884
01:01:48,773 --> 01:01:53,736
it's just difficult to be around
so many smells and memories, you know?
885
01:01:54,111 --> 01:01:55,946
Yeah, I can... I can do it.
886
01:01:56,030 --> 01:01:56,946
[MARY SIGHS] Okay.
887
01:01:57,363 --> 01:01:58,698
TOLLER: Have you decided what's next?
888
01:01:58,782 --> 01:02:02,368
Um, the rent's paid for for two months,
so there's no hurry.
889
01:02:02,452 --> 01:02:05,330
But I'm gonna stay
with my sister and my brother-in-law.
890
01:02:05,413 --> 01:02:07,290
- Hmm, are you?
- Until the baby is born.
891
01:02:07,373 --> 01:02:08,833
So you'll relocate there?
892
01:02:08,917 --> 01:02:09,834
Yeah, I think so.
893
01:02:10,668 --> 01:02:12,712
She contacted an obstetrician.
894
01:02:14,881 --> 01:02:16,174
Are we talking pink or blue?
895
01:02:17,383 --> 01:02:18,468
- Blue.
- Blue.
896
01:02:18,551 --> 01:02:20,261
- Blue! Thanks.
- Ah, congratulations.
897
01:02:20,345 --> 01:02:21,471
- That's wonderful.
- Yeah.
898
01:02:23,681 --> 01:02:27,936
TOLLER: Oh, hey, I have a question
for you if it's not too painful.
899
01:02:31,939 --> 01:02:35,359
Do you think he really
would have harmed someone?
900
01:02:40,155 --> 01:02:41,073
Um...
901
01:02:42,241 --> 01:02:46,537
He'd been a part of some...
nonviolent protests.
902
01:02:47,621 --> 01:02:50,332
We both had. He'd been put in jail.
903
01:02:51,583 --> 01:02:52,501
He had a temper.
904
01:02:53,460 --> 01:02:56,296
I mean, he'd start yelling at police,
but no, I don't think he was...
905
01:02:57,631 --> 01:02:59,299
No. I don't think he was violent.
906
01:03:02,636 --> 01:03:03,594
I just, um...
907
01:03:05,471 --> 01:03:09,142
I can't help but keep wondering
what I should have done differently.
908
01:03:13,396 --> 01:03:14,689
He didn't want to live.
909
01:03:19,235 --> 01:03:21,487
He was not a religious man, you know.
910
01:03:23,781 --> 01:03:26,242
He didn't care for the church. That was me.
911
01:03:26,325 --> 01:03:27,994
I was the one who asked him to come.
912
01:03:28,661 --> 01:03:32,206
I was raised in the church
and I never could quite let it go.
913
01:03:33,207 --> 01:03:35,543
I'd be in a strange city and I would just go
914
01:03:35,626 --> 01:03:37,502
to a church and sit down, you know?
915
01:03:37,586 --> 01:03:39,254
I was the spiritual one.
916
01:03:45,177 --> 01:03:46,094
Thanks.
917
01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:50,182
Yeah, I'll... I'm gonna go get some boxes.
918
01:03:50,265 --> 01:03:51,600
- I'll come back for the clothes.
- Okay.
919
01:03:55,812 --> 01:03:57,314
Reverend? Um...
920
01:04:00,400 --> 01:04:02,986
would you... pray with me?
921
01:04:05,614 --> 01:04:07,657
I just... I find it difficult to do it alone.
922
01:04:07,741 --> 01:04:10,492
Just, the words just don't come.
923
01:04:12,578 --> 01:04:14,079
Are you uncomfortable
with me asking you that?
924
01:04:14,163 --> 01:04:17,124
- No. No, no, no. Of course not, yeah.
- Okay.
925
01:04:21,629 --> 01:04:22,713
Dear Heavenly Father...
926
01:04:24,757 --> 01:04:27,426
we invite you into this room,
into our heart...
927
01:04:27,927 --> 01:04:30,679
TOLLER: I held her hand, I spoke,
928
01:04:32,014 --> 01:04:33,599
and the words came out of my mouth.
929
01:04:34,558 --> 01:04:38,479
"By thy words, you shall be justified
and by thy words, you shall be condemned."
930
01:04:40,814 --> 01:04:41,899
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
931
01:05:11,973 --> 01:05:12,890
[LOW AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING]
932
01:05:43,253 --> 01:05:45,130
TOLLER: I can no longer ignore my health.
933
01:05:46,339 --> 01:05:48,550
I have postponed my checkup too often.
934
01:05:50,302 --> 01:05:52,636
Yesterday, I could literally barely stand.
935
01:06:51,027 --> 01:06:53,613
TOLLER: No, I have not lost my faith.
936
01:07:36,260 --> 01:07:37,427
[AMBULANCE WAILS IN THE DISTANCE]
937
01:07:47,479 --> 01:07:49,439
[AIR HISSES]
938
01:08:13,585 --> 01:08:16,546
TOLLER: "And the rich man said,
'I will pull down my barns
939
01:08:16,630 --> 01:08:17,756
and build greater.'
940
01:08:18,340 --> 01:08:19,633
[COUGHING]
941
01:08:19,716 --> 01:08:21,635
And I will say to my soul,
942
01:08:21,718 --> 01:08:25,221
'take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry.'
943
01:08:25,722 --> 01:08:27,390
But God said unto his disciples,
944
01:08:27,474 --> 01:08:28,934
'take no thought for your life,
945
01:08:29,601 --> 01:08:30,810
what ye shall eat.'
946
01:08:33,271 --> 01:08:36,358
Neither for the body, what ye shall put on.
947
01:08:38,984 --> 01:08:41,153
The life is more than meat,
948
01:08:42,571 --> 01:08:45,240
and the body is more than raiment."
949
01:08:46,158 --> 01:08:48,953
Thus ends the reading of the Lord.
Praise be God.
950
01:08:49,745 --> 01:08:51,288
When did he come back?
951
01:08:51,372 --> 01:08:53,624
Well, he was out most of Friday.
952
01:08:54,249 --> 01:08:55,876
So he went to Albany for his checkup?
953
01:08:55,960 --> 01:08:58,504
I asked him, but he didn't
give me any details.
954
01:08:58,921 --> 01:08:59,838
You know how he is.
955
01:09:00,839 --> 01:09:02,257
Perhaps I can check.
956
01:09:02,341 --> 01:09:04,551
- Esther.
- It's just...
957
01:09:04,635 --> 01:09:07,221
I know. I know.
958
01:09:11,266 --> 01:09:13,977
- Okay, all right. Bye.
- See you.
959
01:09:26,572 --> 01:09:29,158
We'd like to do a gastroscopic exam.
960
01:09:29,242 --> 01:09:32,537
We lower a fiber optic camera
down the throat and esophagus
961
01:09:32,620 --> 01:09:33,538
and take a look around.
962
01:09:33,621 --> 01:09:35,581
It's an outpatient procedure,
local anesthetic.
963
01:09:35,665 --> 01:09:37,333
You should be able to leave by midafternoon.
964
01:09:37,417 --> 01:09:39,377
Still, that doesn't...
that doesn't sound too good.
965
01:09:39,460 --> 01:09:42,380
Well, we'd like to check
for evidence of malignancy.
966
01:09:42,463 --> 01:09:43,381
Cancer.
967
01:09:44,424 --> 01:09:47,175
Cancer's not the fearsome
medical foe it once was.
968
01:09:47,884 --> 01:09:48,802
Mm-hmm.
969
01:09:51,555 --> 01:09:53,682
What's the treatment for that?
970
01:09:55,142 --> 01:09:57,853
It depends on how far advanced the tumor is.
971
01:09:58,937 --> 01:09:59,855
But?
972
01:10:00,105 --> 01:10:02,149
You stated you've been
experiencing discomfort.
973
01:10:02,858 --> 01:10:03,775
Uh-huh.
974
01:10:04,192 --> 01:10:05,610
- Yeah.
- Six months?
975
01:10:07,446 --> 01:10:11,241
Well, diet, medication, chemo, even surgery.
976
01:10:11,324 --> 01:10:13,452
We have a variety of diagnostic tools.
977
01:10:14,119 --> 01:10:15,287
Have you had any bloody stools?
978
01:10:20,791 --> 01:10:21,709
Recently?
979
01:10:24,795 --> 01:10:28,257
Okay. I'd like to schedule
the gastroscopy as soon as possible.
980
01:10:28,340 --> 01:10:31,844
We have an open slot week after next.
981
01:10:32,887 --> 01:10:33,804
Okay.
982
01:10:34,180 --> 01:10:35,097
What's your diet?
983
01:10:35,806 --> 01:10:37,099
My diet? Um...
984
01:10:38,142 --> 01:10:39,226
I'm hungry, I eat.
985
01:10:39,310 --> 01:10:40,686
- Smoke?
- No.
986
01:10:40,770 --> 01:10:41,687
Drink?
987
01:10:43,147 --> 01:10:44,940
Mmm, in moderation.
988
01:10:45,024 --> 01:10:45,941
That needs to end.
989
01:10:46,692 --> 01:10:49,153
I'm gonna call in a prescription to help
with the stomach pain.
990
01:10:49,236 --> 01:10:51,447
And I want you to take
nutritional supplements.
991
01:10:52,447 --> 01:10:53,364
Okay.
992
01:10:54,365 --> 01:10:55,533
Are you in pain now?
993
01:10:56,993 --> 01:10:58,119
No, I feel good.
994
01:11:00,371 --> 01:11:04,292
We tend to think that anxiety and worry
995
01:11:04,375 --> 01:11:08,129
are simply an indication of how wise we are,
996
01:11:08,755 --> 01:11:10,632
yet it is a much better indication
997
01:11:10,715 --> 01:11:12,550
of how wicked we are.
998
01:11:13,426 --> 01:11:18,681
Fretting arises from our determination
to have our own way.
999
01:11:19,724 --> 01:11:21,643
Our Lord never worried
1000
01:11:22,268 --> 01:11:23,770
and was never anxious.
1001
01:11:25,437 --> 01:11:27,106
- I'll be back in a bit.
- Because His purpose
1002
01:11:27,189 --> 01:11:31,068
was to accomplish not His own plans...
1003
01:11:35,906 --> 01:11:38,075
- Reverend?
- Hi, Esther.
1004
01:11:38,158 --> 01:11:40,035
ESTHER: I didn't know you were coming.
1005
01:11:40,119 --> 01:11:41,161
Well, Joel's office called.
1006
01:11:41,245 --> 01:11:43,205
They want to talk to me about
the reconsecration program.
1007
01:11:43,288 --> 01:11:44,289
Did they talk to you?
1008
01:11:44,957 --> 01:11:46,500
I'll be at First Reformed.
1009
01:11:46,583 --> 01:11:49,128
And Stanley will be with
the full choir here for the simulcast.
1010
01:11:49,211 --> 01:11:50,337
Mm-hmm, nice.
1011
01:11:50,420 --> 01:11:51,755
The acoustics will be wonderful.
1012
01:11:51,839 --> 01:11:52,756
- I mean...
- Stop.
1013
01:11:52,840 --> 01:11:54,007
Really wonderful.
1014
01:11:54,842 --> 01:11:56,093
Did you hear from Albany?
1015
01:11:56,176 --> 01:11:58,178
- Yeah, I did.
- Well, what did they say?
1016
01:11:58,262 --> 01:12:00,972
- Nothing, just some more tests.
- A gastroscopy.
1017
01:12:03,224 --> 01:12:04,142
And you know this how?
1018
01:12:05,726 --> 01:12:06,561
I called.
1019
01:12:06,644 --> 01:12:09,438
- I'm worried about you.
- Leave me alone!
1020
01:12:11,149 --> 01:12:13,651
- I just want to try...
- I know what you want!
1021
01:12:13,734 --> 01:12:17,905
All right, and I cannot bear your concern,
your constant hovering, your neediness.
1022
01:12:17,989 --> 01:12:20,449
You... you're a constant reminder
1023
01:12:20,533 --> 01:12:23,452
of my own personal inadequacies and failings.
1024
01:12:23,536 --> 01:12:27,206
You want something that never
was and never will be.
1025
01:12:28,124 --> 01:12:30,293
- Don't make me do this, 'cause I...
- Esther, Esther, Esther.
1026
01:12:30,626 --> 01:12:32,377
Pull yourself together, okay?
1027
01:12:32,460 --> 01:12:34,212
- You don't take care of yourself.
- Look at yourself.
1028
01:12:35,422 --> 01:12:36,339
I despise you.
1029
01:12:37,883 --> 01:12:40,218
I despise what you bring out in me.
1030
01:12:40,969 --> 01:12:42,429
Your concerns are petty.
1031
01:12:43,430 --> 01:12:45,265
You are a stumbling block.
1032
01:12:58,361 --> 01:12:59,821
TOLLER: I suddenly feel much better.
1033
01:13:00,530 --> 01:13:05,410
I awoke early, clearheaded,
and immediately set about my daily tasks.
1034
01:13:15,920 --> 01:13:16,837
[SPITS]
1035
01:13:19,632 --> 01:13:20,549
[WATER RUNNING]
1036
01:13:23,010 --> 01:13:24,803
- [WATER STOPS]
- [SPITS]
1037
01:13:44,072 --> 01:13:45,281
[LOW AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING]
1038
01:14:43,755 --> 01:14:44,798
[MUSIC DISTORTING]
1039
01:14:54,473 --> 01:14:56,642
- [KEYBOARD CLICKING]
- [SIGHS]
1040
01:15:24,169 --> 01:15:25,086
[KEYBOARD CLICKS]
1041
01:15:37,849 --> 01:15:38,767
[SIGHS]
1042
01:15:58,994 --> 01:15:59,953
[DISTORTION CONTINUES]
1043
01:16:25,020 --> 01:16:26,230
TOLLER: "The nations raged"...
1044
01:16:26,771 --> 01:16:28,648
[COUGHS]
1045
01:16:28,731 --> 01:16:30,024
TOLLER: "But your wrath came
1046
01:16:31,526 --> 01:16:33,778
and the time for the dead to be judged.
1047
01:16:36,697 --> 01:16:39,534
And for rewarding your servants
and prophets and saints
1048
01:16:40,868 --> 01:16:42,662
and for those who fear your name
1049
01:16:43,579 --> 01:16:44,831
both small and great.
1050
01:16:47,583 --> 01:16:50,420
And for destroying
the destroyers of the earth."
1051
01:16:54,882 --> 01:16:57,427
Revelations 11:18.
1052
01:17:22,367 --> 01:17:24,369
TOLLER: I have removed the previous pages.
1053
01:17:24,453 --> 01:17:25,912
They were written in delirium.
1054
01:17:27,289 --> 01:17:29,374
But I am determined to continue.
1055
01:17:31,585 --> 01:17:34,044
It's hard to struggle against torpor.
1056
01:17:35,296 --> 01:17:36,589
I must set pen to paper.
1057
01:17:53,105 --> 01:17:54,273
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
1058
01:17:59,862 --> 01:18:00,779
[QUIETLY] Shit.
1059
01:18:05,576 --> 01:18:06,494
[SIGHS]
1060
01:18:15,835 --> 01:18:18,296
- TOLLER: Oh, hey, Mary.
- MARY: Hi. Can I come in?
1061
01:18:18,379 --> 01:18:20,256
TOLLER: Yeah, of course.
Come on in. Come on, come on.
1062
01:18:20,340 --> 01:18:22,634
Come in. Do you need anything?
1063
01:18:22,717 --> 01:18:24,511
Do you want... can I take your coat?
1064
01:18:24,594 --> 01:18:26,804
- Yeah.
- Hey, are you all right?
1065
01:18:27,639 --> 01:18:30,767
- Um...
- Let me get this.
1066
01:18:30,850 --> 01:18:31,893
No.
1067
01:18:35,271 --> 01:18:37,565
I'm just... I'm really frightened.
1068
01:18:37,649 --> 01:18:39,234
I'm, like, I'm frightened of everything.
1069
01:18:42,611 --> 01:18:45,989
I woke up and my heart was pounding
and I thought, like, the roof,
1070
01:18:46,073 --> 01:18:47,991
the ceiling, was just gonna fall in.
1071
01:18:49,409 --> 01:18:52,037
- So I had to get out.
- Yeah...
1072
01:18:52,120 --> 01:18:54,081
And I just drove around and I...
1073
01:18:54,915 --> 01:18:57,167
I didn't put any makeup on. Sorry.
1074
01:18:57,251 --> 01:18:58,252
I'm glad you came.
1075
01:18:58,877 --> 01:19:02,005
Do you want some water or some tea...
1076
01:19:02,089 --> 01:19:03,006
Without warning...
1077
01:19:05,259 --> 01:19:07,177
this dark curtain just fell.
1078
01:19:08,262 --> 01:19:11,056
I'm scared of everything.
1079
01:19:11,139 --> 01:19:12,683
Well, you did the right thing coming here.
1080
01:19:12,766 --> 01:19:14,100
I just can't stop my thoughts.
1081
01:19:14,183 --> 01:19:16,227
They just keep going on and on.
1082
01:19:16,310 --> 01:19:17,436
They repeat and repeat.
1083
01:19:19,105 --> 01:19:21,023
Did this ever happen before Michael's death?
1084
01:19:22,733 --> 01:19:23,651
A little.
1085
01:19:24,860 --> 01:19:26,195
Yeah, not like this, though.
1086
01:19:27,822 --> 01:19:30,116
I read online that they used to believe
1087
01:19:30,199 --> 01:19:32,660
that pregnancy made you happy,
but now they feel like
1088
01:19:32,743 --> 01:19:34,662
it just makes your feelings more extreme.
1089
01:19:38,624 --> 01:19:39,542
Michael...
1090
01:19:42,003 --> 01:19:44,046
he was just really strong.
1091
01:19:44,547 --> 01:19:45,464
How so?
1092
01:19:49,092 --> 01:19:51,261
Um, he listened. He was kind.
1093
01:19:53,972 --> 01:19:57,142
We used to do this thing
called the magical mystery tour.
1094
01:19:58,310 --> 01:20:00,770
It sounds silly, but, um...
1095
01:20:01,896 --> 01:20:03,607
we would share a joint
1096
01:20:04,649 --> 01:20:07,110
and lay on top of each other fully clothed.
1097
01:20:08,987 --> 01:20:11,823
We would try to get as much
body to body contact as possible.
1098
01:20:13,033 --> 01:20:14,409
We'd have our hands out and...
1099
01:20:15,827 --> 01:20:18,163
we would just look straight
into each other's eyes
1100
01:20:19,205 --> 01:20:23,083
and move them in unison,
like, right, left, right, left.
1101
01:20:23,167 --> 01:20:25,878
And then we would breathe in rhythm.
1102
01:20:32,926 --> 01:20:34,178
You want me to do this?
1103
01:20:37,014 --> 01:20:39,266
No. I didn't mean that.
1104
01:20:41,226 --> 01:20:43,103
- All right.
- I mean, I...
1105
01:20:46,065 --> 01:20:49,526
Yeah. I mean, yeah. I guess,
I... yeah, I guess I did.
1106
01:20:50,653 --> 01:20:51,570
Okay.
1107
01:20:52,488 --> 01:20:53,614
Uh, show me.
1108
01:20:54,448 --> 01:20:57,867
Well... you lay on your back
1109
01:20:57,950 --> 01:21:00,161
and with your arms
and your legs stretched out.
1110
01:21:00,787 --> 01:21:01,788
Do we need music?
1111
01:21:02,664 --> 01:21:04,374
No, we just listen to the breaths.
1112
01:21:05,708 --> 01:21:08,169
Just... lie down?
1113
01:21:09,212 --> 01:21:11,589
Yeah. And then, yeah.
1114
01:21:21,474 --> 01:21:23,476
[BOTH BREATHING DEEPLY]
1115
01:22:32,501 --> 01:22:34,044
[LOW AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING]
1116
01:23:10,496 --> 01:23:11,747
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
1117
01:24:08,511 --> 01:24:10,513
[HORNS HONKING]
1118
01:25:02,146 --> 01:25:03,272
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
1119
01:25:25,793 --> 01:25:27,295
TOLLER: Go, go, go!
Come on, come on, come on!
1120
01:25:27,378 --> 01:25:29,505
- There you go, you got it.
- Come on, Benny. Come on, Benny.
1121
01:25:29,589 --> 01:25:32,967
Okay, guys, let's all get seated
in the first pew right here.
1122
01:25:33,051 --> 01:25:34,093
All the way down.
1123
01:25:38,932 --> 01:25:40,016
All right, good job, guys.
1124
01:25:40,099 --> 01:25:43,645
Okay, so last week,
we read The Patchwork Path
1125
01:25:43,728 --> 01:25:46,856
about the Underground Railroad,
which was not a railroad, but...
1126
01:25:47,982 --> 01:25:50,318
- Rosa?
- It was a slave trail.
1127
01:25:50,735 --> 01:25:53,404
It was an escape route
from the South to the North.
1128
01:25:53,488 --> 01:25:57,658
And this church, First Reformed,
was one of the stops on that route.
1129
01:25:57,741 --> 01:25:58,659
Reverend Toller?
1130
01:25:58,742 --> 01:26:01,787
Yeah. Slaves fleeing north to Canada
1131
01:26:01,870 --> 01:26:05,582
were often helped, fed, hidden
by homes and churches
1132
01:26:05,666 --> 01:26:06,750
along this route.
1133
01:26:06,833 --> 01:26:10,504
Calvin Verlander was the dominee,
the minister here at First Reformed.
1134
01:26:10,587 --> 01:26:12,714
And he was very active
in the Abolitionist Movement.
1135
01:26:13,298 --> 01:26:14,216
He assisted in...
1136
01:26:15,092 --> 01:26:17,177
No, Ms. Surya, let me try this.
1137
01:26:17,260 --> 01:26:18,804
Why don't you all stand up for a second?
1138
01:26:18,887 --> 01:26:19,888
Take a look right here.
1139
01:26:19,972 --> 01:26:22,349
Do you see one part of wood
that seems different
1140
01:26:22,432 --> 01:26:23,976
- than the other part of the wood?
- ALL: Yeah!
1141
01:26:24,184 --> 01:26:25,811
You all see that, don't you?
1142
01:26:25,894 --> 01:26:27,104
But does this seem a little bit
1143
01:26:27,187 --> 01:26:29,522
- like a secret door, hmm?
- ALL: Yes.
1144
01:26:29,605 --> 01:26:31,524
- Yeah, what's your name?
- Benny.
1145
01:26:31,607 --> 01:26:32,650
Benny, will you give me a hand?
1146
01:26:32,733 --> 01:26:33,943
- Come on over here.
- Mm-hmm.
1147
01:26:34,026 --> 01:26:36,028
You see, there used to be a pew over this.
1148
01:26:36,112 --> 01:26:38,239
And they would move it
and then they would lift this up.
1149
01:26:38,322 --> 01:26:39,240
Can you do it? Help me.
1150
01:26:41,200 --> 01:26:44,370
Yes! Oh! Come around, everybody.
1151
01:26:44,453 --> 01:26:45,371
Can you hold this up?
1152
01:26:45,454 --> 01:26:47,581
Slaves would hide in here.
Sometimes whole families.
1153
01:26:47,665 --> 01:26:49,500
Be really careful. All right.
1154
01:26:50,251 --> 01:26:51,377
Can you imagine that?
1155
01:26:52,545 --> 01:26:53,462
In the dark.
1156
01:26:54,213 --> 01:26:55,423
The air hot,
1157
01:26:56,340 --> 01:26:57,216
shaking with fear.
1158
01:26:57,299 --> 01:27:00,136
The sound of the slave hunter's
horses outside.
1159
01:27:00,928 --> 01:27:03,013
On their knees, holding each other's hands,
1160
01:27:03,096 --> 01:27:04,639
praying for God to save them?
1161
01:27:11,438 --> 01:27:13,523
TOLLER: Do you want me to pack up
anything here in the kitchen?
1162
01:27:13,606 --> 01:27:16,109
MARY: No, I can get it later. Thanks.
1163
01:27:20,780 --> 01:27:22,282
I'd love to meet your sister sometime.
1164
01:27:24,284 --> 01:27:26,286
- You wanna come to Buffalo?
- If I'm invited, I'd love to.
1165
01:27:26,369 --> 01:27:28,246
- You gonna visit me?
- I would, yeah!
1166
01:27:28,747 --> 01:27:29,956
I'd love to meet Michael, Jr.
1167
01:27:31,166 --> 01:27:32,751
You've been such a help to me.
1168
01:27:33,877 --> 01:27:37,212
My great-grandfather
was a pastor in Muskegon, Michigan.
1169
01:27:37,296 --> 01:27:38,297
The Saint of God.
1170
01:27:39,006 --> 01:27:41,717
And the bank in town
was a two-story building,
1171
01:27:41,800 --> 01:27:43,385
the first building to have an elevator.
1172
01:27:44,178 --> 01:27:45,179
And one Monday,
1173
01:27:46,388 --> 01:27:48,807
Granddad got the boys all together
1174
01:27:48,891 --> 01:27:51,310
and they went into town
to deposit church funds,
1175
01:27:51,935 --> 01:27:53,062
as they did every Monday.
1176
01:27:53,145 --> 01:27:54,897
And they needed to go talk to the managers.
1177
01:27:54,980 --> 01:27:57,483
They got on the elevator
and he had a heart attack.
1178
01:27:59,651 --> 01:28:01,820
And he took off his hat.
1179
01:28:01,904 --> 01:28:03,197
Apparently, he always wore a hat.
1180
01:28:03,280 --> 01:28:04,948
And he took off his hat and he said,
1181
01:28:05,032 --> 01:28:09,869
"Boys, take off my shoes.
I'm standing on holy ground."
1182
01:28:11,454 --> 01:28:12,371
And then he died.
1183
01:28:13,790 --> 01:28:15,750
Somewhere between the first and second floor.
1184
01:28:18,544 --> 01:28:22,006
Yeah, I think about that story
when I think about Michael.
1185
01:28:24,801 --> 01:28:27,512
'Cause I believe he was standing
on holy ground when he died.
1186
01:28:39,982 --> 01:28:40,900
Thank you.
1187
01:28:42,443 --> 01:28:44,111
So I'll see you in Buffalo?
1188
01:28:44,820 --> 01:28:47,030
I think I'm gonna go to the reconsecration.
1189
01:28:48,532 --> 01:28:50,700
Oh. No, you don't need to do that.
1190
01:28:51,243 --> 01:28:53,245
- But I want to.
- Yeah, but it's not necessary.
1191
01:28:53,995 --> 01:28:56,373
Yeah, but you've been there for me
and I want to be there for you.
1192
01:28:56,456 --> 01:28:58,708
It's very nice of you to offer,
1193
01:28:58,792 --> 01:29:01,753
but it's just a bunch of rich guys
patting each other on the back.
1194
01:29:01,837 --> 01:29:03,505
- But you're gonna be there.
- But I have to be there.
1195
01:29:03,588 --> 01:29:05,674
- So I'm gonna go.
- Please don't come.
1196
01:29:06,842 --> 01:29:08,051
Okay? I don't want you to come.
1197
01:29:08,927 --> 01:29:09,845
You understand?
1198
01:29:12,556 --> 01:29:13,473
Okay.
1199
01:29:15,976 --> 01:29:17,726
Right. Have a nice evening.
1200
01:29:26,026 --> 01:29:26,944
[DOOR CLOSES]
1201
01:29:46,672 --> 01:29:49,633
TOLLER: "Be strong in the Lord
and in His mighty power.
1202
01:29:50,925 --> 01:29:54,220
Put on the full armor of God
1203
01:29:54,304 --> 01:29:58,808
so that you can take your stand
against the devil's schemes.
1204
01:29:58,892 --> 01:30:01,936
For our struggle is not
against flesh and blood
1205
01:30:04,063 --> 01:30:07,942
but against the rulers,
against the authorities,
1206
01:30:08,860 --> 01:30:11,821
against the powers of this dark world."
1207
01:30:15,200 --> 01:30:16,284
[LOW AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING]
1208
01:30:50,817 --> 01:30:56,156
Balq Home Products,
makers of paper goods, fertilizers,
1209
01:30:57,240 --> 01:31:00,034
everyday items for the household,
1210
01:31:00,117 --> 01:31:02,536
was among the first companies
1211
01:31:02,620 --> 01:31:07,291
to realize the need
to address environmental concerns.
1212
01:31:07,792 --> 01:31:10,127
Sir? Are you joining us?
1213
01:31:11,420 --> 01:31:16,008
This unit makes recyclable plastic markers.
1214
01:31:16,425 --> 01:31:20,596
Balq has facilities
or production arrangements
1215
01:31:20,680 --> 01:31:24,517
with 18 countries around the world.
1216
01:31:31,773 --> 01:31:34,567
TOLLER: Today, I stopped.
I had Miso and fish.
1217
01:31:38,863 --> 01:31:40,448
Such simple pleasures.
1218
01:31:43,827 --> 01:31:45,453
Why do we deny ourselves?
1219
01:31:48,581 --> 01:31:50,583
[MEN LAUGHING]
1220
01:31:58,550 --> 01:31:59,509
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
1221
01:32:26,744 --> 01:32:27,995
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
1222
01:32:40,214 --> 01:32:44,135
TOLLER: Every act of preservation
is an act of creation.
1223
01:32:44,802 --> 01:32:47,263
Everything preserved renews creation.
1224
01:32:48,389 --> 01:32:50,516
It's how we participate in creation.
1225
01:33:40,399 --> 01:33:42,442
TOLLER: I have found another form of prayer.
1226
01:34:01,252 --> 01:34:02,711
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
1227
01:34:02,795 --> 01:34:04,046
- Reverend Toller, come on in.
- TOLLER: Hey.
1228
01:34:04,880 --> 01:34:06,006
Close the door.
1229
01:34:07,675 --> 01:34:08,717
Why don't you take a seat?
1230
01:34:12,847 --> 01:34:14,223
We're concerned about you.
1231
01:34:15,433 --> 01:34:16,350
Who is?
1232
01:34:16,809 --> 01:34:17,726
How's your health?
1233
01:34:20,270 --> 01:34:21,604
Well, I'm having some tests.
1234
01:34:22,647 --> 01:34:24,774
Hmm? Have you gotten your results?
1235
01:34:24,858 --> 01:34:25,775
No. No.
1236
01:34:26,901 --> 01:34:28,069
What about your diet?
1237
01:34:28,653 --> 01:34:30,905
You know, I'm gonna be honest,
you just don't look so good.
1238
01:34:32,240 --> 01:34:33,158
I've had some...
1239
01:34:34,868 --> 01:34:36,119
some stomach issues.
1240
01:34:38,121 --> 01:34:39,914
And I understand you've been drinking.
1241
01:34:41,791 --> 01:34:44,335
Hm. What? [CHUCKLES]
1242
01:34:45,253 --> 01:34:46,713
It's just a little wine with dinner.
1243
01:34:46,796 --> 01:34:48,214
- Wine?
- Yeah, yeah.
1244
01:34:49,924 --> 01:34:50,842
Well...
1245
01:34:51,925 --> 01:34:55,512
that's not recommended
for someone who has stomach problems.
1246
01:34:55,596 --> 01:34:56,847
I understand, all right?
1247
01:34:56,930 --> 01:34:58,599
I'll start taking better care of myself.
1248
01:34:59,808 --> 01:35:01,226
You're always in the Garden.
1249
01:35:02,186 --> 01:35:05,606
Even Jesus wasn't always in the Garden
1250
01:35:05,689 --> 01:35:07,357
on his knees, sweating blood.
1251
01:35:08,275 --> 01:35:09,359
He was on the mount.
1252
01:35:10,027 --> 01:35:13,530
He was in the marketplace.
He was in the temple.
1253
01:35:13,614 --> 01:35:16,825
But you, you're always in the Garden.
1254
01:35:16,909 --> 01:35:19,912
For you, every hour is the darkest hour.
1255
01:35:20,621 --> 01:35:23,123
I wasn't aware that I had offended.
1256
01:35:24,249 --> 01:35:25,917
JEFFERS: Jesus doesn't want our suffering.
1257
01:35:26,000 --> 01:35:27,668
- He suffered for us.
- Mmm-mmm.
1258
01:35:28,252 --> 01:35:31,672
JEFFERS: He wants our commitment
and our obedience.
1259
01:35:31,756 --> 01:35:33,007
And what of His creation?
1260
01:35:33,591 --> 01:35:35,426
The Heavens declare the glory of God.
1261
01:35:35,510 --> 01:35:36,844
God is present everywhere,
1262
01:35:36,928 --> 01:35:41,265
in every plant, every river,
every tiny insect.
1263
01:35:41,349 --> 01:35:45,394
The whole world is a manifestation
of his holy presence.
1264
01:35:45,478 --> 01:35:48,814
I think this is an issue
where the church can lead.
1265
01:35:48,898 --> 01:35:50,691
But they say nothing.
1266
01:35:50,775 --> 01:35:51,776
The...
1267
01:35:53,361 --> 01:35:55,821
the U.S. Congress
still denies climate change?
1268
01:35:57,240 --> 01:35:59,658
Where were we when these people were elected?
1269
01:36:00,283 --> 01:36:03,787
The... we know who spoke
for big business. Right?
1270
01:36:03,870 --> 01:36:05,580
But who spoke for God?
1271
01:36:08,333 --> 01:36:13,630
"The creation waits in eager expectation
of liberation from bondage."
1272
01:36:15,966 --> 01:36:18,635
That's Romans 8:23. You understand?
1273
01:36:20,011 --> 01:36:22,681
So we should pollute so God can restore?
1274
01:36:23,098 --> 01:36:25,433
We should sin so God can forgive?
1275
01:36:25,517 --> 01:36:27,727
I don't think that's what the apostle meant.
1276
01:36:27,811 --> 01:36:29,312
I think we're supposed to look
1277
01:36:29,396 --> 01:36:32,231
with the eyes of Jesus into every living...
1278
01:36:32,314 --> 01:36:33,732
You don't live in the real world.
1279
01:36:33,816 --> 01:36:35,234
- I...
- You don't.
1280
01:36:35,317 --> 01:36:38,862
You are a minister
at a tourist church that no one attends.
1281
01:36:38,946 --> 01:36:42,408
Do you have any idea what
it takes to do God's work?
1282
01:36:42,491 --> 01:36:46,704
- I'm trying to...
- To maintain a mission of this size?
1283
01:36:46,787 --> 01:36:49,164
The staffing, the outreach,
1284
01:36:49,248 --> 01:36:51,500
the amount of people that we touch each day.
1285
01:36:52,835 --> 01:36:54,837
Who's that priest that you like so much?
1286
01:36:56,130 --> 01:36:57,840
- Thomas Merton?
- Thomas Merton.
1287
01:36:57,923 --> 01:36:59,800
- He didn't live in the real world either.
- Yes, he did!
1288
01:36:59,883 --> 01:37:01,302
- No. He was a monk who lived...
- He would...
1289
01:37:01,385 --> 01:37:03,971
...in a monastery in Kentucky
and wrote books!
1290
01:37:04,054 --> 01:37:06,055
Well, somebody has to do something!
1291
01:37:06,472 --> 01:37:08,349
It's the earth that hangs in the balance.
1292
01:37:08,433 --> 01:37:11,644
Well what if this is His plan?
What if we just can't see it?
1293
01:37:11,728 --> 01:37:14,105
You think God wants to destroy His creation?
1294
01:37:14,188 --> 01:37:18,359
He did once. For 40 days and 40 nights.
1295
01:37:26,326 --> 01:37:30,163
Look, Abundant Life, we're with you.
1296
01:37:30,246 --> 01:37:31,414
Okay, we care.
1297
01:37:32,498 --> 01:37:33,499
We do.
1298
01:37:33,583 --> 01:37:38,837
And I know this is a hard time for you,
but we're gonna help you with that.
1299
01:37:40,005 --> 01:37:42,466
Once we get through
the reconsecration service,
1300
01:37:42,549 --> 01:37:44,468
you need to go to rehab.
1301
01:37:45,052 --> 01:37:48,013
You need to go check yourself
into a medical institution.
1302
01:37:48,930 --> 01:37:53,769
All right, maybe go to Nicaragua
and preach the gospel or build houses
1303
01:37:53,852 --> 01:37:56,313
but do something in the real world.
1304
01:37:56,980 --> 01:37:59,775
And if you can't do the ceremony,
I'll understand that.
1305
01:37:59,858 --> 01:38:03,445
You're expected to be there, but look, we can
just say that you were sick, which is true.
1306
01:38:03,528 --> 01:38:05,947
No, it's not... it's not about the ceremony.
1307
01:38:06,031 --> 01:38:07,407
All right? I can... I will...
1308
01:38:07,491 --> 01:38:09,493
I want to be there. I have to be there.
1309
01:38:09,576 --> 01:38:12,162
It's my church. It's 250 years.
1310
01:38:12,244 --> 01:38:15,039
I want to be there.
I want to introduce you. Please?
1311
01:38:17,458 --> 01:38:21,671
Well, Ed Balq has decided
that he would like to make comments,
1312
01:38:21,754 --> 01:38:23,381
so the governor will introduce him.
1313
01:38:24,006 --> 01:38:25,633
- Will that be a problem?
- Not at all.
1314
01:38:26,842 --> 01:38:27,760
Not at all.
1315
01:38:28,552 --> 01:38:30,137
Well, good. Good.
1316
01:38:32,056 --> 01:38:34,475
Listen, we'll get
through this reconsecration.
1317
01:38:34,558 --> 01:38:35,935
It'll be special.
1318
01:38:36,727 --> 01:38:39,438
And then we'll deal with these other issues.
1319
01:38:45,111 --> 01:38:46,152
Thank you.
1320
01:38:58,915 --> 01:38:59,999
[ALARM RINGING]
1321
01:39:00,083 --> 01:39:01,459
[LOW AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING]
1322
01:39:29,695 --> 01:39:30,696
[SIGHS]
1323
01:39:42,875 --> 01:39:43,876
Thanks.
1324
01:39:54,844 --> 01:39:57,054
- [LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
- [CHATTER]
1325
01:40:56,613 --> 01:40:59,990
- [CHATTER]
- [ORGAN PLAYING]
1326
01:41:49,539 --> 01:41:50,456
[SNIFFS]
1327
01:42:33,582 --> 01:42:34,666
[ORGAN PLAYING]
1328
01:42:42,214 --> 01:42:45,551
- Where is Reverend Toller?
- I'm not sure, ma'am. Inside.
1329
01:43:12,119 --> 01:43:14,955
[MUFFLED SCREAM]
1330
01:43:15,038 --> 01:43:16,915
[ORGAN PLAYING]
1331
01:43:26,508 --> 01:43:28,510
[CHATTER]
1332
01:43:47,987 --> 01:43:49,196
[SNARLS]
1333
01:43:50,656 --> 01:43:51,865
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1334
01:43:57,287 --> 01:43:58,539
[ORGAN PLAYING]
1335
01:44:12,302 --> 01:44:13,429
- Have you seen him?
- No.
1336
01:44:27,025 --> 01:44:28,526
- Where is he?
- I don't know.
1337
01:44:29,027 --> 01:44:30,111
[SIGHS]
1338
01:44:41,706 --> 01:44:42,790
Toller!
1339
01:44:45,334 --> 01:44:47,795
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- JEFFERS: Toller, you in there?
1340
01:45:13,653 --> 01:45:14,821
JEFFERS: Begin the service.
1341
01:45:23,246 --> 01:45:24,331
[GRUNTING]
1342
01:45:38,219 --> 01:45:39,512
[GASPING]
1343
01:45:40,930 --> 01:45:42,932
[SINGING "LEANING ON THE EVERLASTING ARMS"
BY ELISHA HOFFMAN]
1344
01:45:43,015 --> 01:45:47,103
# What a fellowship #
1345
01:45:47,186 --> 01:45:51,524
# What a joy divine #
1346
01:45:51,607 --> 01:45:58,280
# Leaning on the everlasting arms #
1347
01:45:59,615 --> 01:46:03,993
# What a blessedness #
1348
01:46:04,077 --> 01:46:08,248
# What a peace is mine #
1349
01:46:08,331 --> 01:46:14,963
# Leaning on the everlasting arms #
1350
01:46:16,339 --> 01:46:20,093
# Leaning #
1351
01:46:20,176 --> 01:46:23,054
# Leaning #
1352
01:46:23,555 --> 01:46:26,808
# Safe and secure #
1353
01:46:26,891 --> 01:46:31,855
# From all alarms #
1354
01:46:31,938 --> 01:46:35,816
# Leaning #
1355
01:46:35,899 --> 01:46:39,611
# Leaning #
1356
01:46:39,695 --> 01:46:45,993
# Leaning on the everlasting arms #
1357
01:46:47,619 --> 01:46:51,790
# Oh, how to sweet to walk #
1358
01:46:51,874 --> 01:46:55,586
# In this pilgrim way #
1359
01:46:56,086 --> 01:47:02,718
# Leaning on the everlasting arms #
1360
01:47:04,052 --> 01:47:08,097
# Oh, how bright the path #
1361
01:47:08,181 --> 01:47:12,310
# Grows from day-to-day #
1362
01:47:12,393 --> 01:47:18,941
# Leaning on the everlasting arms #
1363
01:47:20,401 --> 01:47:24,113
# Leaning #
1364
01:47:24,197 --> 01:47:27,241
# Leaning #
1365
01:47:28,075 --> 01:47:30,828
# Safe and secure #
1366
01:47:30,912 --> 01:47:36,000
# From all alarms #
1367
01:47:36,083 --> 01:47:39,795
# Leaning #
1368
01:47:39,879 --> 01:47:43,632
# Leaning #
1369
01:47:43,715 --> 01:47:50,138
# Leaning on the everlasting arms #
1370
01:47:51,640 --> 01:47:55,602
# What have I to dread #
1371
01:47:55,685 --> 01:47:59,773
# What have I to fear #
1372
01:47:59,856 --> 01:48:02,609
# Leaning on... #
1373
01:48:03,610 --> 01:48:04,527
Ernst?
1374
01:48:07,614 --> 01:48:11,451
#...I have blessed peace #
1375
01:48:11,534 --> 01:48:14,954
# With my Lord so near #
1376
01:48:15,621 --> 01:48:21,877
# Leaning on the everlasting arms #
1377
01:48:23,212 --> 01:48:26,924
# Leaning #
1378
01:48:27,007 --> 01:48:30,427
# Leaning #
1379
01:48:30,511 --> 01:48:33,597
# Safe and secure #
1380
01:48:33,681 --> 01:48:38,477
# From all alarms #
1381
01:48:38,560 --> 01:48:42,189
# Leaning #
1382
01:48:42,273 --> 01:48:45,901
# Leaning #
1383
01:48:45,985 --> 01:48:52,365
# Leaning on the everlasting arms #
1384
01:48:53,700 --> 01:48:56,995
# Leaning #
1385
01:48:57,578 --> 01:49:00,832
# Leaning #
1386
01:49:01,416 --> 01:49:08,047
# Leaning on the everlasting arms #
1387
01:49:08,923 --> 01:49:12,802
# Leaning #
1388
01:49:12,885 --> 01:49:14,262
# Lean #
1389
01:49:14,345 --> 01:49:15,263
[SONG ENDS]
1390
01:49:23,520 --> 01:49:25,522
[LOW AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING]
1391
01:52:59,313 --> 01:53:00,731
[MUSIC FADES]