1
00:00:30,782 --> 00:00:31,950
Greg?
2
00:00:35,287 --> 00:00:38,207
- G reg?
- What?
3
00:00:38,707 --> 00:00:41,376
- G reg!
- What?
4
00:00:41,460 --> 00:00:42,544
What are you doing? Get up!
5
00:00:42,628 --> 00:00:43,921
Mom and Dad have been calling you
for an hour.
6
00:00:44,004 --> 00:00:45,881
You're about to be late for
your first day of middle school.
7
00:00:45,964 --> 00:00:47,299
What?
8
00:00:48,175 --> 00:00:49,885
Oh, geez! How did that happen?
9
00:00:49,968 --> 00:00:51,553
Go, go, go! Mom's about to flip out!
10
00:00:51,637 --> 00:00:54,139
She sent me to get you
while she waits in the car!
11
00:01:34,638 --> 00:01:37,432
What are you doing? What's going on?
12
00:01:37,516 --> 00:01:39,685
Getting ready for...
13
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:46,775
.“school.
14
00:01:46,858 --> 00:01:49,778
Are you insane?
School doesn't start till next week.
15
00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:53,824
And, FYI, school doesn't start
at 4:00 in the morning!
16
00:01:53,907 --> 00:01:57,327
You woke up Manny.
And if he doesn't go back down...
17
00:01:57,411 --> 00:01:58,453
Good morning!
18
00:01:58,537 --> 00:02:01,331
There is no way he is going back down.
19
00:02:01,415 --> 00:02:02,958
I just wanted to sleep till 6:00.
20
00:02:03,041 --> 00:02:05,252
- Bubby!
- Go to bed. I got him.
21
00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:07,838
Greg, what are you doing up
making all this noise?
22
00:02:07,921 --> 00:02:10,382
It was Rodrick! He woke me up!
23
00:02:10,465 --> 00:02:12,509
He changed my clock!
24
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,723
- But I swear, he was just...
- Go to bed.
25
00:02:19,516 --> 00:02:23,186
What is that smell?
I can't even identify it.
26
00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:40,245
Bubby!
27
00:02:50,589 --> 00:02:51,965
Happy Birthday!
28
00:02:52,049 --> 00:02:53,425
Here, Bubby.
29
00:02:53,592 --> 00:02:55,719
Wow! Look at the size
of that flamethrower!
30
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:08,440
Okay, first of all,
let me get something straight.
31
00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:11,026
This is a journal, not a diary.
32
00:03:12,319 --> 00:03:14,363
Yeah, I know what it says on the cover.
33
00:03:14,446 --> 00:03:16,823
But when my mom went out
to buy this thing,
34
00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:20,369
I specifically told her
not to buy one that said "diary" on it.
35
00:03:20,452 --> 00:03:24,706
This just proves Mom doesn't understand
anything about kids my age.
36
00:03:25,874 --> 00:03:27,209
Sissy!
37
00:03:28,835 --> 00:03:31,338
The only reason I agreed to
write in this thing is because
38
00:03:31,421 --> 00:03:33,799
when I'm rich and famous
I'll have better things to do
39
00:03:33,882 --> 00:03:36,385
than answer people's stupid questions
all day long.
40
00:03:36,468 --> 00:03:38,345
Gregory, tell us about your childhood!
41
00:03:38,428 --> 00:03:40,722
Were you always so smart and handsome?
42
00:03:40,806 --> 00:03:43,100
Here's my journal. Now, shoo, shoo.
43
00:03:45,936 --> 00:03:48,146
That's our boy up there.
44
00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:50,357
Why did I ever say no to him?
45
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:51,441
Mom got me this thing
46
00:03:51,525 --> 00:03:54,277
so I could write down my feelings
about starting middle school.
47
00:03:54,653 --> 00:03:56,363
But I'm gonna be fine.
48
00:03:56,446 --> 00:03:59,282
It's my best friend, Rowley Jefferson,
I'm worried about.
49
00:03:59,366 --> 00:04:01,576
He's definitely not middle school ready.
50
00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:03,620
Geronimo!
51
00:04:07,457 --> 00:04:10,627
He's not quite clear
on the concept of growing up.
52
00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:14,589
I want a puppy, a kitty,
a gumball machine...
53
00:04:14,673 --> 00:04:17,592
But anyway, this is about me, not Rowley.
54
00:04:17,676 --> 00:04:20,429
I always figured
they'd make a movie about my life.
55
00:04:20,512 --> 00:04:23,598
But I didn't think
they'd start the story here.
56
00:04:23,682 --> 00:04:26,852
Because, seriously,
who wants to see a movie about a kid
57
00:04:26,935 --> 00:04:29,813
who's stuck in middle school
with a bunch of morons?
58
00:04:54,087 --> 00:04:57,048
Three days, no shower. Smell the love!
59
00:04:57,132 --> 00:04:59,050
Let me go, Rodrick!
60
00:05:00,802 --> 00:05:03,638
Come on.
We're just having some fun, right?
61
00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:05,557
No, okay. So, look.
62
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:09,227
Mom asked me to give you some advice
about middle school.
63
00:05:09,978 --> 00:05:12,147
It's real simple.
64
00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:15,484
Don't talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone.
Don't go anywhere.
65
00:05:15,567 --> 00:05:19,821
Don't sit down. Don't raise your hand.
Don't go to the bathroom.
66
00:05:19,905 --> 00:05:24,034
Don't get noticed.
Don't choose the wrong locker. Don't...
67
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:26,661
Who am I kidding?
68
00:05:26,745 --> 00:05:29,623
You'll be dead or homeschooled
by the end of the year, anyway.
69
00:05:29,706 --> 00:05:32,042
And don't be seen with Rowley.
70
00:05:44,012 --> 00:05:45,722
Manny, stop it! Mom!
71
00:05:45,805 --> 00:05:46,890
Thanks for the eggs, Mom.
72
00:05:46,973 --> 00:05:48,391
- Frank?
- G reg?
73
00:05:48,475 --> 00:05:50,101
I think it's gross and undignified
74
00:05:50,185 --> 00:05:53,021
that I have to eat breakfast
next to him on the potty.
75
00:05:53,104 --> 00:05:55,440
Okay, well, it's your fault
he's still potty training.
76
00:05:56,024 --> 00:05:57,359
Don't look down, Manny.
77
00:05:57,442 --> 00:06:00,946
The potty monster doesn't like it
when you look at him.
78
00:06:02,531 --> 00:06:04,074
I was just joking with him.
79
00:06:04,157 --> 00:06:07,452
Okay. Kiss him you're sorry
and then let's get a move on.
80
00:06:07,536 --> 00:06:10,205
Can't be late for your first day of school.
81
00:06:26,096 --> 00:06:29,057
Let me just say for the record
that I think middle school may be
82
00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:31,184
the dumbest idea ever invented.
83
00:06:31,268 --> 00:06:33,645
You got kids like me
who haven't hit their growth spurt yet
84
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:36,815
mixed in with gorillas
who have to shave twice a day.
85
00:06:37,691 --> 00:06:41,861
There's juvenile delinquents and weirdos.
86
00:06:42,195 --> 00:06:44,364
I'm smaller than about
95% of the kids at my school...
87
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:45,740
Give it back! Stop!
88
00:06:45,824 --> 00:06:48,910
So thank God for Chirag Gupta.
89
00:06:48,994 --> 00:06:51,079
- It's mine! Stop!
- Can I have the backpack?
90
00:06:51,162 --> 00:06:52,414
- You got to jump higher.
- It's not yours!
91
00:06:52,497 --> 00:06:54,833
He's an excellent buffer
between me and these morons.
92
00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:56,543
Hey, Greg.
93
00:06:56,626 --> 00:06:59,421
Hey, fella!
94
00:06:59,713 --> 00:07:03,174
Seriously, I don't know what happened
to these kids over the summer.
95
00:07:05,093 --> 00:07:06,886
Was there a nuclear accident?
96
00:07:08,054 --> 00:07:10,557
Science experiment gone bad?
97
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:15,061
Thank God there are a few normal people
or this place would be a total freak show.
98
00:07:19,024 --> 00:07:20,859
If you're as discriminating as I am,
99
00:07:20,942 --> 00:07:25,071
it can be tough to figure out where to sit
on your first day of middle school.
100
00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:26,406
One bad move
101
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:30,493
and you're stuck next to some idiot
for the rest of the year.
102
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:38,376
Greg!
103
00:07:39,336 --> 00:07:42,505
Remember how I said
Rowley wasn't middle school ready?
104
00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:45,842
Well, there you go.
105
00:07:51,056 --> 00:07:52,515
What are you wearing?
106
00:07:52,599 --> 00:07:56,853
My family just got back from Guatemala!
It's my serape!
107
00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:00,315
Nice, huh?
108
00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:04,819
All right, class, I'm Mrs. Flint.
Everybody take your seats!
109
00:08:08,281 --> 00:08:11,201
Welcome to your first day
of middle school.
110
00:08:11,284 --> 00:08:13,953
Remember your seats.
You'll be sitting here every day.
111
00:08:15,246 --> 00:08:17,791
Rowley, if you had to say
where you were ranked
112
00:08:17,874 --> 00:08:20,627
in terms of popularity from one to 200,
113
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,253
where would you put yourself?
114
00:08:23,171 --> 00:08:25,256
Is 200 good or bad?
115
00:08:26,841 --> 00:08:29,177
I'd say you're somewhere
around the 154 mark.
116
00:08:30,261 --> 00:08:32,972
I'd put myself around number 19 or 20.
117
00:08:34,599 --> 00:08:37,018
I might even have a shot at the top spot
by the end of the year,
118
00:08:37,102 --> 00:08:39,145
if things go the way I think they will.
119
00:08:39,229 --> 00:08:41,272
Well, who's at the bottom?
120
00:08:41,773 --> 00:08:44,776
Hey, guys, wanna see my secret freckle?
121
00:08:45,985 --> 00:08:49,781
Fregley. Sent home for hygiene issues
at least once a month.
122
00:08:54,619 --> 00:08:57,580
Check it out. It's got a hair in it!
123
00:08:57,664 --> 00:09:00,333
What color is that?
124
00:09:03,503 --> 00:09:05,255
You wanna help me name it?
125
00:09:05,338 --> 00:09:07,966
All right, ladies! Gather around!
126
00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:10,802
Come on, put the knitting down! Let's go!
127
00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:15,598
All right, everybody.
128
00:09:15,682 --> 00:09:18,601
I'm Coach Malone
and I am your gym teacher.
129
00:09:18,685 --> 00:09:20,395
P.E. is as much a part of my life
130
00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:23,606
as waking up in the morning
and going to the bathroom.
131
00:09:23,690 --> 00:09:27,277
I live and breathe Physical Education.
132
00:09:28,194 --> 00:09:29,446
Now, who's with me?
133
00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:30,822
Are you ready to have some fun out there?
134
00:09:30,905 --> 00:09:31,948
Yeah!
135
00:09:32,031 --> 00:09:33,783
All right, outstanding!
136
00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:35,243
So we're gonna divide you up
into two teams.
137
00:09:35,326 --> 00:09:38,371
So you two, over here.
You, you, you, this way.
138
00:09:38,496 --> 00:09:40,749
Yeah, you three, this side. Good.
139
00:09:40,874 --> 00:09:43,752
You guys are going to be Shirts!
140
00:09:44,461 --> 00:09:47,672
And you will be Skins.
141
00:09:51,009 --> 00:09:53,678
Why are we Skins? I hate this.
142
00:09:53,762 --> 00:09:56,598
He's just trying to make
kids like us feel bad.
143
00:09:56,681 --> 00:09:58,224
What do you mean, kids like us?
144
00:09:58,308 --> 00:10:00,101
I just don't want to get a sunburn,
right, Rowley?
145
00:10:00,185 --> 00:10:03,313
My name is Bell E. Button.
146
00:10:03,396 --> 00:10:04,689
What's yours?
147
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:10,403
Okay, let's start off with a little game
I like to call Gladiator.
148
00:10:12,113 --> 00:10:13,573
- I got this one!
- No!
149
00:10:14,365 --> 00:10:15,867
Take that!
150
00:10:24,292 --> 00:10:25,835
Cover me!
151
00:10:30,548 --> 00:10:32,217
Oh, God.
152
00:10:38,181 --> 00:10:39,557
Not good!
153
00:10:39,641 --> 00:10:42,477
We're never going to be able
to outrun these guys!
154
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:43,686
We don't have to outrun them!
155
00:10:43,770 --> 00:10:45,605
We just have to outrun Chirag!
156
00:10:59,536 --> 00:11:01,621
- Think they saw us?
- No way.
157
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,957
They were focused on
getting that kid with the limp.
158
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:08,127
We'll hide here for the rest of the class
because I'm not playing that game.
159
00:11:08,211 --> 00:11:09,420
It's not fair.
160
00:11:09,504 --> 00:11:12,924
He's got all the Neanderthals
on the same team. It's barbaric!
161
00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:15,134
It's completely barbaric.
162
00:11:17,262 --> 00:11:19,764
This place is an intellectual wasteland.
163
00:11:19,848 --> 00:11:21,516
But, you know, it's nice to meet someone
164
00:11:21,599 --> 00:11:24,519
more interested in his mind
than in his body.
165
00:11:24,894 --> 00:11:28,314
You girls get to jump rope.
What are you doing hiding?
166
00:11:28,398 --> 00:11:30,191
Avoiding the pain.
167
00:11:31,276 --> 00:11:33,528
It all starts in middle school, you know?
168
00:11:33,611 --> 00:11:36,155
You're not a kid any more.
The coddling has stopped.
169
00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:40,451
Kids are now separated by intelligence.
The weak are picked on.
170
00:11:40,535 --> 00:11:45,582
And girls you've known since kindergarten
won't even talk to you any more.
171
00:11:46,291 --> 00:11:49,210
Okay, well,
sounds like you got it all figured out,
172
00:11:49,294 --> 00:11:51,421
so go back to your book.
173
00:11:51,504 --> 00:11:53,715
This place is a glorified holding pen.
174
00:11:53,798 --> 00:11:57,510
All the way! All the way!
You're like a machine!
175
00:11:57,594 --> 00:11:58,720
It's where adults put you
176
00:11:58,803 --> 00:12:02,891
as you make that awkward transition
between child and teenager
177
00:12:02,974 --> 00:12:05,476
so they don't even have to look at you.
178
00:12:06,644 --> 00:12:08,521
Hi. I'm Angie.
179
00:12:09,147 --> 00:12:11,774
Great story. We're gonna go now.
180
00:12:11,858 --> 00:12:14,402
Why? This is a good spot.
181
00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:16,696
It's a perfect spot.
182
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:19,032
I survived all of the sixth grade here.
183
00:12:19,115 --> 00:12:21,534
And I would enjoy
some like-minded company
184
00:12:21,618 --> 00:12:23,661
to get me through the seventh.
185
00:12:23,745 --> 00:12:26,956
Is that the whistle?
I think I hear the whistle.
186
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,082
We need to go.
187
00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:30,585
No showboating, all right?
188
00:12:30,668 --> 00:12:32,128
Why are we leaving?
189
00:12:32,211 --> 00:12:34,213
We could get killed out here in the open!
190
00:12:34,297 --> 00:12:37,216
Put your shirt on.
They'll think we're on their team.
191
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:41,346
Besides, getting crushed is better than
being seen with that freak job.
192
00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:44,349
Trust me, you can't recover
from social suicide.
193
00:12:44,682 --> 00:12:47,685
I never talked to a girl that long before.
194
00:12:49,062 --> 00:12:50,313
Whoa.
195
00:12:51,356 --> 00:12:53,232
Check that out.
196
00:13:02,992 --> 00:13:05,870
Isthatcheese?
197
00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:13,711
Stop!
198
00:13:14,087 --> 00:13:17,966
Good God, man!
You almost got the Cheese Touch.
199
00:13:18,174 --> 00:13:21,219
- The what?
- The Cheese Touch.
200
00:13:21,302 --> 00:13:23,471
Nobody knows when or how,
201
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:28,226
but one day that cheese
mysteriously appeared on the blacktop.
202
00:13:29,227 --> 00:13:31,521
Nobody knew who it belonged to.
203
00:13:31,604 --> 00:13:35,400
Nobody touched it. Nobody threw it away.
204
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:37,026
And so there it sat,
205
00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:40,530
growing more foul
and powerful by the day.
206
00:13:40,613 --> 00:13:46,327
Then one day, a kid named Darren Walsh
made the biggest mistake of his life.
207
00:13:46,911 --> 00:13:48,997
Darren touched the cheese!
208
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:52,166
No, I didn't! I just looked at it! Really!
209
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:55,003
Darren had the Cheese Touch!
210
00:13:55,086 --> 00:13:57,880
It was worse than nuclear cooties.
211
00:13:58,923 --> 00:14:01,009
He became an outcast.
212
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,555
The only way to get rid of
the Cheese Touch
213
00:14:05,638 --> 00:14:08,433
was by passing it on to someone else.
214
00:14:13,104 --> 00:14:16,524
And so began the Cheese Touch Frenzy.
215
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:18,693
Friend turning on friend.
216
00:14:18,776 --> 00:14:20,445
Brother turning on sister.
217
00:14:20,528 --> 00:14:22,405
It was madness.
218
00:14:23,239 --> 00:14:28,453
Until a German exchange student
named Dieter Muller took it away.
219
00:14:28,619 --> 00:14:30,329
Dieter has the Cheese Touch!
220
00:14:30,413 --> 00:14:32,081
Ze Cheese Touch?
221
00:14:32,165 --> 00:14:33,750
Vat is it?
222
00:14:33,833 --> 00:14:36,210
Vat does it mean, ze Cheese Touch??
223
00:14:36,294 --> 00:14:40,298
Sadly for Dieter,
that fact was lost in translation.
224
00:14:41,007 --> 00:14:42,050
Nooooooooo...!
225
00:14:42,133 --> 00:14:45,178
Thankfully, he moved back to Dusseldorf
and took the Cheese Touch with him.
226
00:14:48,473 --> 00:14:53,436
And so the cheese sits,
patiently waiting for its next victim.
227
00:14:56,272 --> 00:14:58,900
This is a terrible place.
228
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,297
- No doors?
- None.
229
00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:24,050
I'm not pooping until I'm in high school.
230
00:15:25,176 --> 00:15:29,263
The cafeteria,
possibly the cruelest place on Earth.
231
00:15:29,764 --> 00:15:33,601
But I was about to make some kid's day
by sitting next to him.
232
00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:35,019
That seat's saved.
233
00:15:35,603 --> 00:15:37,105
For who?
234
00:15:37,271 --> 00:15:38,689
It's saved.
235
00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,194
That one's saved, too.
236
00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:46,197
So not happening.
237
00:15:48,199 --> 00:15:49,408
Taken.
238
00:15:51,327 --> 00:15:53,454
Where are we supposed to eat?
239
00:16:04,757 --> 00:16:07,552
I guess this is
where all the cool guys hang out.
240
00:16:13,391 --> 00:16:17,937
Fregley must have bumped his head
when he was little, like, really hard.
241
00:16:27,113 --> 00:16:29,407
Okay, Okay,
242
00:16:29,490 --> 00:16:32,326
so my first day could have gone better,
243
00:16:32,410 --> 00:16:34,412
but at least I wasn't humiliated.
244
00:16:34,495 --> 00:16:38,332
Hey, Greg!
You want to come over and play?
245
00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:46,841
What did he just say to you?
246
00:16:48,259 --> 00:16:49,510
I think my ride's here.
247
00:16:49,594 --> 00:16:53,306
Hey, guys. So this guy says to that guy,
248
00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:56,642
"You wanna come over and play?."
249
00:16:56,726 --> 00:16:59,312
Yeah! Do you guys wanna play with us?
250
00:16:59,937 --> 00:17:01,939
See? This is the problem.
251
00:17:02,023 --> 00:17:04,942
Right now I have to take abuse
from these morons.
252
00:17:05,026 --> 00:17:08,404
But in 20 years,
Quentin here will be working for me.
253
00:17:08,487 --> 00:17:11,616
Greg, please don't fire me.
254
00:17:11,699 --> 00:17:15,494
I really need my measly, pathetic job
scooping your dog's poop.
255
00:17:15,578 --> 00:17:17,371
Whatever. I'll think about it.
256
00:17:18,623 --> 00:17:22,210
No, no, no. Vanilla on the bottom
and chocolate on the top!
257
00:17:22,293 --> 00:17:23,961
I can't eat this!
258
00:17:24,337 --> 00:17:26,505
Play," Rowley? "Play"?
259
00:17:26,589 --> 00:17:30,968
I've told you, like, a billion times that
guys our age say "hang out," not "play."
260
00:17:32,845 --> 00:17:35,389
Seriously, if you're not gonna
listen to me, just tell me,
261
00:17:35,473 --> 00:17:37,808
'cause if you pull another stunt like that,
262
00:17:37,892 --> 00:17:41,729
we'll be stuck on the cafeteria floor
for the rest of middle school.
263
00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:44,148
I found half a Snickers bar down there.
264
00:17:44,649 --> 00:17:47,818
I can't be the guy who eats off his lap
in the cafeteria.
265
00:17:47,902 --> 00:17:50,404
I should be
at the top of the food chain by now.
266
00:17:50,488 --> 00:17:53,157
Something's got to change, fast.
267
00:17:53,241 --> 00:17:56,202
My mom told me to just be myself
and people would like me.
268
00:18:00,706 --> 00:18:04,126
That would be good advice
if you were somebody else.
269
00:18:20,351 --> 00:18:22,186
Hey, little brother.
270
00:18:22,311 --> 00:18:24,855
Was your first day as crappy
as I said it would be?
271
00:18:24,939 --> 00:18:28,234
No. Not at all. You were wrong.
272
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:30,820
- It was actually better than I...
- Worse.
273
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:34,365
You didn't listen to me, did you?
274
00:18:34,448 --> 00:18:38,369
I told you not to talk, look
or go anywhere, and what happened?
275
00:18:38,452 --> 00:18:40,871
He had to eat his lunch on the floor.
276
00:18:40,955 --> 00:18:42,999
- Rowley.
- Perfect.
277
00:18:43,541 --> 00:18:45,084
And if nobody wants you
sitting at their table,
278
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,670
you think they want
Chummy Buttons over here?
279
00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:51,549
I was right. You're not even gonna
make it out of there alive.
280
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:53,551
The only chance you have
of making the yearbook is
281
00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:56,012
when they dedicate it to your memory.
282
00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:03,811
So you wanna play Twisted Wizard?
283
00:19:04,687 --> 00:19:07,565
No. I have a better idea.
284
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:12,987
If he catches you in
here, he will kill you.
285
00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:14,739
Literally, kill you.
286
00:19:14,822 --> 00:19:17,950
Don't worry.
As long as we hear the music, we're okay.
287
00:19:18,909 --> 00:19:21,537
Whoa. Yeah. Wow.
288
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,540
I didn't know Rodrick
was into motorcycles.
289
00:19:24,623 --> 00:19:27,168
- I found it.
- Found what?
290
00:19:27,251 --> 00:19:29,587
Rodrick's middle school yearbook.
291
00:19:31,464 --> 00:19:33,549
This thing holds all the answers.
292
00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:35,801
Rowley, this thing is like a bible.
293
00:19:35,885 --> 00:19:39,388
See this? This is where
a person like me needs to be.
294
00:19:42,475 --> 00:19:44,727
The class favorites.
295
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:48,439
They're the best in their class.
296
00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:52,026
These people aren't nobodies.
They're famous.
297
00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:55,571
They don't have to worry about
getting a seat in the cafeteria, either.
298
00:19:55,654 --> 00:19:58,741
Check this out.
There's tons of things I qualify for.
299
00:19:58,824 --> 00:20:02,328
"Most Likely To Succeed," "Best Looking,"
"Class Clown."
300
00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:04,705
They should just
give that to me right now.
301
00:20:04,789 --> 00:20:06,791
Don't you have to be funny for that?
302
00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:10,378
Hey! We could try for cutest friends!
303
00:20:10,461 --> 00:20:13,798
What did I tell you would happen
if you ever went in my room again?
304
00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:16,217
But your band is still playing.
305
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:20,054
It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar!
Don't you know anything about music?
306
00:20:20,137 --> 00:20:23,391
Now, I came up here
to get a new drumstick,
307
00:20:23,474 --> 00:20:26,977
and now, Greg,
since Mom and Dad are gone,
308
00:20:27,061 --> 00:20:30,856
I'm going to kill you. Literally, kill you!
309
00:20:31,107 --> 00:20:32,441
I told you.
310
00:20:32,525 --> 00:20:33,567
Beat it.
311
00:20:33,651 --> 00:20:37,738
Okay, but I just want to say one thing!
312
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:39,615
- Run, Greg, run!
- What?
313
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,035
Let go, Baby HiPP°!
314
00:20:49,959 --> 00:20:51,544
You're gonna have to come out
sometime, loser!
315
00:20:51,627 --> 00:20:54,130
I'll wait here as long as it takes.
316
00:20:54,213 --> 00:20:56,382
And then, you're dead.
317
00:21:10,062 --> 00:21:12,440
Time out, Rodrick. I have to pee.
318
00:21:12,523 --> 00:21:14,984
No time outs. Only death!
319
00:21:15,609 --> 00:21:17,987
- But I really have to go.
- Don't care.
320
00:22:06,911 --> 00:22:08,579
Move over! I'm dying.
321
00:22:15,753 --> 00:22:17,254
Got you!
322
00:22:19,423 --> 00:22:21,884
Greg, did you throw Manny off his...
323
00:22:21,967 --> 00:22:23,636
What is going on?
324
00:22:23,719 --> 00:22:26,472
Greg started it.
I just came in here to take a shower.
325
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:29,141
He's lying! He was gonna kill me
'cause I was in his room!
326
00:22:29,225 --> 00:22:31,519
And so you peed on him?
327
00:22:31,602 --> 00:22:34,688
Yes. I mean, no. I mean...
328
00:22:35,064 --> 00:22:36,148
Yes.
329
00:22:57,962 --> 00:22:59,964
There's a lot to sign up for.
330
00:23:00,047 --> 00:23:02,841
You could be class favorite
in a bunch of things.
331
00:23:02,925 --> 00:23:04,343
Jazz dancing!
332
00:23:04,426 --> 00:23:05,928
We could do that one together!
333
00:23:06,011 --> 00:23:09,890
I can't believe all these activities.
They're all so much work.
334
00:23:09,974 --> 00:23:14,144
Staying after school,
meeting before school, on weekends.
335
00:23:14,228 --> 00:23:16,564
What kind of extracurricular activities
are these?
336
00:23:16,647 --> 00:23:18,649
Out of my way.
337
00:23:19,483 --> 00:23:21,860
Who let you into this school, Greg Heffley?
338
00:23:22,152 --> 00:23:24,572
I was thinking the same thing about you,
Patty Farrell.
339
00:23:24,655 --> 00:23:26,740
You listen to me, Greg Heffley.
340
00:23:26,824 --> 00:23:29,535
I'm running for student council president
and I'm warning you,
341
00:23:29,618 --> 00:23:31,912
if you get in my way, I will beat you up,
342
00:23:31,996 --> 00:23:34,873
just like I did in kindergarten
and fourth grade.
343
00:23:37,793 --> 00:23:41,005
Fourth grade? That one was ugly.
344
00:23:42,006 --> 00:23:45,175
What's her problem?
What did I ever do to her?
345
00:23:45,426 --> 00:23:50,764
Patty, Patty is a fatty,
has a face just like a ratty!
346
00:23:54,893 --> 00:23:59,565
Come on, that was pretty funny.
She needs to get a sense of humor.
347
00:23:59,648 --> 00:24:02,943
And I need something to make me
a class favorite.
348
00:24:03,027 --> 00:24:05,029
What about class favorites?
349
00:24:06,488 --> 00:24:09,742
Don't you ever say hi or hello
before you start talking?
350
00:24:09,825 --> 00:24:11,577
- Hi.
- Hello.
351
00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:14,246
Greg's only here because
he really wants to be something...
352
00:24:14,330 --> 00:24:15,539
Rowleyl
353
00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:19,543
I was just saying that
I would really like to nail these people
354
00:24:19,627 --> 00:24:21,545
because it's so obvious that
355
00:24:21,629 --> 00:24:24,214
they're only doing these activities
to get in the yearbook.
356
00:24:24,298 --> 00:24:26,592
You know, I like your point of view.
357
00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:30,346
You should sign up for the school paper.
We're the voice of the people.
358
00:24:31,221 --> 00:24:34,475
Well, the people are mostly idiots,
so I guess, technically speaking,
359
00:24:34,558 --> 00:24:37,519
we're the voice of the people
making fun of the people.
360
00:24:37,603 --> 00:24:42,274
Thanks, but I can't be on the paper
because I'm gonna be in the paper a lot.
361
00:24:42,358 --> 00:24:45,444
So that would be a conflict of interest.
362
00:24:47,029 --> 00:24:49,907
You're the people. Got it.
363
00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:55,120
Do you believe me now?
That girl is crazy town.
364
00:24:55,204 --> 00:24:57,498
Look! They have wrestling!
365
00:24:58,582 --> 00:25:01,335
That's it! I'm great at wrestling.
366
00:25:01,418 --> 00:25:04,672
I've watched it for years,
I know all the moves.
367
00:25:05,422 --> 00:25:06,757
Tombstone piledriver.
368
00:25:08,759 --> 00:25:09,968
Chair shot.
369
00:25:12,471 --> 00:25:13,514
Vader Bomb.
370
00:25:14,431 --> 00:25:18,352
Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! Heffley!
371
00:25:18,435 --> 00:25:21,313
H effley! H effley! H effley!
372
00:25:24,191 --> 00:25:28,320
Okay. Something is very wrong here.
373
00:25:28,946 --> 00:25:31,073
These don't look like
wrestling costumes to me.
374
00:25:31,156 --> 00:25:34,910
Welcome to wrestling,
you future Olympians!
375
00:25:35,661 --> 00:25:37,705
So, just to make sure
we all get off on the right foot
376
00:25:37,788 --> 00:25:40,541
and nobody gets seriously injured,
377
00:25:40,624 --> 00:25:42,334
we're gonna teach you a few basic moves.
378
00:25:42,418 --> 00:25:48,215
Remember, this is about
learning the sport and having fun!
379
00:25:48,298 --> 00:25:49,758
All right. It's not a competition
380
00:25:49,842 --> 00:25:55,597
because everyone here
is already a superstar to me.
381
00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:58,058
Coach Brewer, can you step over here
for a moment,
382
00:25:58,142 --> 00:26:00,310
please, give me a hand? Thanks.
383
00:26:03,981 --> 00:26:06,400
That's known as a speed takedown.
384
00:26:06,483 --> 00:26:07,985
Nice job, Coach Brewer.
385
00:26:08,068 --> 00:26:10,320
Can you get up and come behind me?
386
00:26:10,404 --> 00:26:12,740
Put one arm over my shoulder?
Let's go, yeah.
387
00:26:12,823 --> 00:26:14,992
You got it, walk it off, come on.
388
00:26:17,745 --> 00:26:19,830
That was known as the arm drag.
389
00:26:19,913 --> 00:26:22,541
Let's give Coach Brewer a hand,
everybody!
390
00:26:24,334 --> 00:26:25,335
He's fine.
391
00:26:27,463 --> 00:26:28,922
Yeah, Heffley.
392
00:26:29,339 --> 00:26:32,092
What about piledrivers and Vader bombs?
393
00:26:32,176 --> 00:26:34,678
That is fake wrestling.
394
00:26:36,430 --> 00:26:39,183
This is real wrestling! Let's go!
395
00:26:40,184 --> 00:26:42,811
If I have to wrestle Benny Wells,
he'll kill me!
396
00:26:42,895 --> 00:26:44,688
Let's move! Come on!
397
00:26:45,272 --> 00:26:48,901
Okay, to keep things fair, I've divided you
into weight categories by your size,
398
00:26:48,984 --> 00:26:51,904
so Rottweilers over here.
399
00:26:51,987 --> 00:26:53,822
Bulldogs, you stay right there.
400
00:26:53,906 --> 00:26:55,532
And we got two.
401
00:26:57,201 --> 00:26:58,952
Chihuahuas. Yeah.
402
00:26:59,203 --> 00:27:00,788
Nice head gear.
403
00:27:00,871 --> 00:27:03,207
Thanks. My mom let me borrow it.
404
00:27:04,124 --> 00:27:06,293
All right, let's see what you got.
405
00:27:06,376 --> 00:27:09,338
Don't worry, Fregley,
I'll take it easy on you.
406
00:27:11,215 --> 00:27:12,591
Hey, I wasn't ready!
407
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:16,887
Nobody's keeping score, but that was
a sweet speed takedown, Fregley!
408
00:27:20,641 --> 00:27:22,518
This is fun, Greg Heffley!
409
00:27:24,561 --> 00:27:25,938
Get off me!
410
00:27:28,899 --> 00:27:31,235
- Fregleyl Fregleyl Fregleyl.
- Fregleyl Fregleyl Fregleyl.
411
00:27:32,903 --> 00:27:35,030
Blow the whistle, blow the whistle!
412
00:27:35,239 --> 00:27:37,366
All right! Fregleyl.
413
00:27:39,993 --> 00:27:42,120
Outstanding!
414
00:27:44,248 --> 00:27:47,501
And let's...
Let's hear it for our other winner.
415
00:27:49,253 --> 00:27:50,921
Yay, Greg!
416
00:27:52,172 --> 00:27:53,799
I can't lose to Fregley again.
417
00:27:53,882 --> 00:27:55,884
If I get beat by the
weirdest kid in school,
418
00:27:55,968 --> 00:27:58,470
nobody's ever gonna let me
sit at their table.
419
00:27:58,554 --> 00:28:02,099
How are you going to beat him?
It's like he had superhuman strength!
420
00:28:02,474 --> 00:28:05,018
I'm not gonna beat him.
I'm gonna gain 10 pounds this week
421
00:28:05,102 --> 00:28:07,145
so I can move up to
the Bulldog weight class.
422
00:28:07,229 --> 00:28:09,940
And then you and I can wrestle each other.
423
00:28:10,023 --> 00:28:11,358
Ready?
424
00:28:11,441 --> 00:28:13,485
- Can I throw at you now?
- Later.
425
00:28:13,569 --> 00:28:16,780
You're better at riding than I am,
and I'm a better thrower.
426
00:28:29,835 --> 00:28:32,379
Greg, save some for everybody else,
honey.
427
00:28:32,462 --> 00:28:34,381
Can't. I need to bulk up.
428
00:28:34,464 --> 00:28:35,507
VVhy?
429
00:28:36,133 --> 00:28:39,136
I think your body looks beautiful
just the way it is.
430
00:28:39,261 --> 00:28:42,890
I heard he got his butt kicked at wrestling.
Now what is wrong with you?
431
00:28:42,973 --> 00:28:46,310
Why would you sign up for something
you don't have to do?
432
00:28:46,518 --> 00:28:48,770
You signed up for wrestling?
433
00:28:48,979 --> 00:28:49,980
Kind of.
434
00:28:50,063 --> 00:28:52,608
You never sign up for anything at school.
435
00:28:52,691 --> 00:28:54,651
You fly below the radar.
436
00:28:54,735 --> 00:28:57,738
That way you never raise
anyone's expectations.
437
00:28:57,821 --> 00:29:00,824
Thank you, Rodrick,
for those words of motivational wisdom,
438
00:29:00,908 --> 00:29:02,910
but perhaps
a better way to look at it is that
439
00:29:02,993 --> 00:29:06,163
it's a chance
to learn to excel at something.
440
00:29:06,246 --> 00:29:09,541
Well, what could I learn at school
that I can't teach myself?
441
00:29:10,834 --> 00:29:12,210
Well, Greg, I think it's great that
442
00:29:12,294 --> 00:29:14,588
you took the initiative
to learn something new.
443
00:29:14,671 --> 00:29:17,841
This is like the first
step to responsibility!
444
00:29:17,925 --> 00:29:21,470
My boss's son Will was smaller than you,
445
00:29:21,553 --> 00:29:24,348
but he built himself up with the weights!
446
00:29:24,431 --> 00:29:26,600
Yeah.
We could get you the same equipment.
447
00:29:26,683 --> 00:29:31,104
You could train,
get the right nutrition, cardio.
448
00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:35,025
You'd be in tip-top shape just like Will.
449
00:29:37,527 --> 00:29:40,113
And it would only take, like, three months.
450
00:29:44,993 --> 00:29:46,870
- Three months?
- Yeah.
451
00:29:48,455 --> 00:29:50,499
I'll just stick to eating.
452
00:29:56,296 --> 00:29:57,547
Well, I don't know
where you put it, Heffley,
453
00:29:57,631 --> 00:30:00,133
but you gained 10 pounds
and joined the Bulldog class.
454
00:30:00,217 --> 00:30:01,385
Yes.
455
00:30:07,975 --> 00:30:10,519
I thought
you didn't gain any weight this week.
456
00:30:10,602 --> 00:30:12,396
My mom's ankle weights.
457
00:30:14,773 --> 00:30:18,443
All right, bulldog Heffley.
Meet your new opponent.
458
00:30:20,862 --> 00:30:23,281
What? But this is boys' wrestling.
459
00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:25,575
Ever hear of Title IX?
460
00:30:25,784 --> 00:30:27,411
Her parents threatened to sue,
461
00:30:27,494 --> 00:30:31,331
so you show her
what it's like to wrestle a real live boy.
462
00:30:38,296 --> 00:30:42,092
Come on! What you waiting for?
Don't be such a wuss, Heffley.
463
00:30:42,175 --> 00:30:45,637
- Make your move!
- She's a girl! Where do I grab her?
464
00:30:49,266 --> 00:30:51,435
- Stay down!
- Patty, over here!
465
00:30:55,313 --> 00:30:58,275
- Get off of me!
- Can I wrestle somebody good now?
466
00:31:08,577 --> 00:31:10,912
Well, look who's in the paper.
467
00:31:11,788 --> 00:31:16,793
Greg! You're famous!
Right on the front page!
468
00:31:25,719 --> 00:31:28,555
And if I would have pinned her,
which I could have done easily,
469
00:31:28,638 --> 00:31:31,141
you know I would have gotten in trouble
for hurting a girl.
470
00:31:31,224 --> 00:31:33,477
Why does she even want to wrestle?
471
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,687
Who knows? Girls are very confusing.
472
00:31:35,771 --> 00:31:37,314
Like today,
I heard someone in the hallway say
473
00:31:37,397 --> 00:31:41,401
that Bryce Anderson has a cute butt.
What does that even mean?
474
00:31:41,485 --> 00:31:43,904
A butt can't be cute. It's a butt.
475
00:31:44,529 --> 00:31:47,157
I know, but that's what they were saying.
476
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,077
I don't see why girls our age
can't talk just like regular people.
477
00:31:55,874 --> 00:31:58,877
So how are you gonna become
a class favorite now?
478
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:02,672
- Two words. Best Dressed.
- How are you going to do that?
479
00:32:02,964 --> 00:32:06,718
Fashion is easy. You wear a shirt
and a tie, and kids are impressed.
480
00:32:06,802 --> 00:32:09,346
I'm telling you, this is gonna work.
481
00:32:32,536 --> 00:32:34,996
- I told you I was wearing this.
- I know!
482
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,707
- I wanted to be matchers!
- Check them out!
483
00:32:39,584 --> 00:32:43,046
Greg and Rowley sitting in a tree.
484
00:32:43,130 --> 00:32:46,466
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
485
00:32:47,092 --> 00:32:48,802
First comes love...
486
00:32:48,885 --> 00:32:51,972
You know,
maybe Rodrick was right about Rowley.
487
00:32:52,848 --> 00:32:55,308
Maybe I do need a new best friend.
488
00:32:55,392 --> 00:32:58,145
But I can't just ditch him.
489
00:32:58,228 --> 00:33:01,690
I mean, if anybody has a better idea,
I'd love to hear it.
490
00:33:03,233 --> 00:33:05,152
In this school, much like your own,
491
00:33:05,235 --> 00:33:07,946
one boy is about to learn
an important lesson
492
00:33:08,029 --> 00:33:09,906
about self-worth and esteem.
493
00:33:10,574 --> 00:33:12,159
Gag me with a spoon.
494
00:33:12,242 --> 00:33:15,328
That guy is so unpopular,
I'd hate to be him.
495
00:33:18,081 --> 00:33:19,666
Why doesn't anybody like me?
496
00:33:19,749 --> 00:33:23,378
Maybe because they don't know
how awesome you really are.
497
00:33:24,254 --> 00:33:27,632
Brock Branigan P. I.!
What are you doing here?
498
00:33:28,091 --> 00:33:31,553
I'm here to solve the case of the boy
who just needed to be himself.
499
00:33:31,636 --> 00:33:35,140
So go for it!
Show them how awesome you really are!
500
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,229
Hey, guys. Do you like break dancing?
501
00:33:57,287 --> 00:33:59,539
That is totally rad!
502
00:33:59,623 --> 00:34:02,959
Wicked.
You should sit with us at lunch, friend.
503
00:34:07,047 --> 00:34:08,298
Sweet!
504
00:34:09,549 --> 00:34:12,469
It really is awesome to be me!
Thanks, Brock.
505
00:34:25,232 --> 00:34:28,026
Okay. Let's talk about what we've learned.
506
00:34:28,109 --> 00:34:31,196
I don't know about anyone else,
but I know what I learned.
507
00:34:31,279 --> 00:34:33,240
It is awesome to be me.
508
00:34:33,573 --> 00:34:37,160
The problem with Rowley
is that he's not enough like me.
509
00:34:37,244 --> 00:34:40,163
I can't ditch him
'cause he'd be lost without me.
510
00:34:41,665 --> 00:34:43,833
But maybe I can fix him.
511
00:34:46,253 --> 00:34:49,005
Because that's the kind of friend I am.
512
00:34:49,172 --> 00:34:50,757
What are you doing?
513
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,134
Making your clothes
more middle-school friendly.
514
00:34:53,218 --> 00:34:56,805
Look at this stuff. Too babyish and weird.
515
00:34:57,180 --> 00:35:00,141
Too "Why don't you just punch me now?".
516
00:35:01,476 --> 00:35:04,229
What are you, a foreign exchange student?
517
00:35:05,313 --> 00:35:08,441
Man. This one we burn.
518
00:35:08,525 --> 00:35:10,527
That was a present from my mom.
519
00:35:10,610 --> 00:35:13,446
Well, then your mom
is trying to get you killed.
520
00:35:13,530 --> 00:35:15,282
Ready? Steady. Go.
521
00:35:19,035 --> 00:35:21,955
No, no, no.
You look like one of the Seven Dwarfs.
522
00:35:22,038 --> 00:35:25,792
You only need one strap. One strap is cool.
523
00:35:26,209 --> 00:35:27,419
But there's two straps.
524
00:35:27,502 --> 00:35:30,588
Why would they put on two straps
if you're only supposed to use one?
525
00:35:30,672 --> 00:35:33,300
Because the guys who make backpacks
aren't cool.
526
00:35:33,383 --> 00:35:37,470
If they were cool, they'd give it one
strap, like the cool one-strap guys do.
527
00:35:37,554 --> 00:35:40,307
You know what has one strap?
Machine guns.
528
00:35:40,390 --> 00:35:43,310
You know what else? Electric guitars.
529
00:35:43,393 --> 00:35:45,812
- You know what else?
- Purses?
530
00:35:46,771 --> 00:35:50,150
- But Joshie is cool.
- Rowley, Joshie is not cool.
531
00:35:50,233 --> 00:35:52,902
He's a lip-synching pop star
whose fans are eight-year-old girls.
532
00:35:53,028 --> 00:35:55,989
You're just jealous
that I was the one who discovered him.
533
00:35:56,072 --> 00:35:59,034
Who are you gonna listen to, Rowley?
Me or Joshie?
534
00:35:59,117 --> 00:36:02,662
Joshie says to respect your parents
and follow your dreams.
535
00:36:03,038 --> 00:36:05,415
Then Joshie must get beaten up a lot.
536
00:36:13,423 --> 00:36:15,508
You actually almost look as good as me.
537
00:36:15,592 --> 00:36:17,719
Am I great at this or what?
538
00:36:19,137 --> 00:36:22,140
There's Bryce Anderson. Just be cool.
539
00:36:23,266 --> 00:36:27,187
- Hey, Bryce.
- Yeah, hey, Bryce!
540
00:36:28,229 --> 00:36:29,606
Cute butt!
541
00:36:33,485 --> 00:36:35,487
You're killing me, you know that?
542
00:36:35,612 --> 00:36:38,865
Look, Rowley, tonight's Halloween,
our favorite night of the year,
543
00:36:38,948 --> 00:36:43,119
so, just promise me you won't wear,
do or say anything weird.
544
00:36:47,791 --> 00:36:49,793
You're kidding me, right?
545
00:36:50,585 --> 00:36:53,463
My mom wanted me to be visible at night.
546
00:36:54,798 --> 00:36:56,466
From space?
547
00:36:57,384 --> 00:37:00,553
So, we'll hit a few houses
on the way to the North Side,
548
00:37:00,637 --> 00:37:02,972
which is where we'll do
most of our trick-or-treating.
549
00:37:03,056 --> 00:37:05,558
Why are we going all the way over there?
550
00:37:05,642 --> 00:37:07,227
It's where the rich people live.
551
00:37:07,310 --> 00:37:11,231
They hand out, like, two, three pieces
of big candy to each kid.
552
00:37:11,314 --> 00:37:13,316
Not that candy corn crap.
553
00:37:14,150 --> 00:37:17,695
I'm talking about full-size
Milky Ways and Nutter Butters.
554
00:37:17,779 --> 00:37:19,406
Plus, if we time it right,
555
00:37:19,489 --> 00:37:23,660
rich people get tired of answering
their doors and just leave the bowl out.
556
00:37:23,743 --> 00:37:25,328
We can clean up.
557
00:37:27,831 --> 00:37:28,957
You're lucky.
558
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,960
My mom doesn't let me play
with makeup any more.
559
00:37:32,043 --> 00:37:35,713
Shut up, tool.
Léded Diper's got a gig tonight.
560
00:37:41,845 --> 00:37:43,972
Going to the North Side, huh?
561
00:37:44,055 --> 00:37:46,599
Takes you right past
the Devil Worshiper Woods.
562
00:37:46,683 --> 00:37:48,309
The Devil Worshiper Woods?
563
00:37:49,185 --> 00:37:50,854
You know about that story, right?
564
00:37:52,188 --> 00:37:56,818
Well, there used to be this house
right here where these woods are.
565
00:37:57,402 --> 00:38:01,030
They had to tear it down because
what happened there was so terrible.
566
00:38:01,114 --> 00:38:02,615
What happened there?
567
00:38:02,699 --> 00:38:07,078
Well, a long time ago,
two kids who were, I don't know,
568
00:38:07,871 --> 00:38:09,873
maybe in middle school,
569
00:38:10,415 --> 00:38:13,626
they trick-or-treated at that house
on Halloween night.
570
00:38:13,710 --> 00:38:19,966
But the house was full of devil worshipers
571
00:38:20,717 --> 00:38:24,387
who put the kids
in these giant pizza ovens.
572
00:38:24,512 --> 00:38:27,891
And they cooked them and they ate them.
573
00:38:28,766 --> 00:38:31,186
But they forgot to turn off the ovens.
574
00:38:31,269 --> 00:38:34,564
So the house burned down
with everyone in it.
575
00:38:35,398 --> 00:38:37,442
How'd the trees get there?
576
00:38:37,901 --> 00:38:40,820
And then they planted trees.
577
00:38:42,614 --> 00:38:45,992
And to this day, on Halloween night,
578
00:38:46,659 --> 00:38:51,289
you can still hear the demonic laughter
of the devil worshiper ghosts
579
00:38:51,372 --> 00:38:56,711
as they roam the woods,
looking for more kids to sacrifice!
580
00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:00,089
Hey, Rodrick.
I need you to help me out. Like...
581
00:39:02,675 --> 00:39:05,178
Are you wearing eyeliner?
582
00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:07,597
- Trick or treat.
- Susan!
583
00:39:07,889 --> 00:39:10,433
- I'm on door duty!
- Thank you.
584
00:39:11,851 --> 00:39:13,353
Bubby!
585
00:39:13,561 --> 00:39:15,855
Mom, can you tell him
to stop calling me that?
586
00:39:15,939 --> 00:39:17,524
What if somebody hears?
587
00:39:17,607 --> 00:39:20,401
Then they'll know how much he loves you.
588
00:39:21,486 --> 00:39:24,739
Frank, Frank, honey, honey,
can you go with them?
589
00:39:24,822 --> 00:39:28,034
No, I can't. I got to guard the house
in case someone tries to T.P. us.
590
00:39:28,117 --> 00:39:30,995
They're gonna get drenched from the roof.
591
00:39:31,287 --> 00:39:33,915
Honey, for goodness sakes,
don't do that again.
592
00:39:33,998 --> 00:39:35,583
Remember what happened last year?
593
00:39:36,417 --> 00:39:38,002
L 9011 you!
594
00:39:42,382 --> 00:39:43,508
Hi.
595
00:39:46,469 --> 00:39:48,221
I thought they were teenagers.
596
00:39:48,304 --> 00:39:51,891
And I couldn't see through the bushes.
My legs, they hurt from the squatting.
597
00:39:51,975 --> 00:39:55,311
So, that's why
I'm doing it from the roof this year.
598
00:39:55,812 --> 00:39:58,481
So I can see when they're coming.
599
00:40:01,568 --> 00:40:04,862
- Can we go now?
- Yes, go.
600
00:40:04,946 --> 00:40:08,449
- But stay in the neighborhood.
- Trick or treat.
601
00:40:08,533 --> 00:40:11,244
- And no North Side!
- We promise!
602
00:40:27,510 --> 00:40:29,596
We got to stay in this neighborhood
the rest of the night.
603
00:40:29,679 --> 00:40:32,557
That guy gave me two full-size Snickers!
604
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:36,728
Did I tell you or did I tell you?
These people have money to burn!
605
00:40:37,895 --> 00:40:39,897
I can't believe we got this much candy.
606
00:40:40,523 --> 00:40:41,899
This is, like, the best day ever.
607
00:40:41,983 --> 00:40:44,944
Hey, reflector dude, nice costume!
608
00:40:45,445 --> 00:40:46,863
Thanks! My mom made it...
609
00:40:53,995 --> 00:40:57,832
- That was awesome!
- I saw your plates! We're calling the cops!
610
00:41:02,879 --> 00:41:04,130
Oh, boy.
611
00:41:06,341 --> 00:41:07,467
Run!
612
00:41:11,554 --> 00:41:13,473
Hey, they're going through the yard!
613
00:41:13,556 --> 00:41:15,725
Go, go, go, 90, 90, 90, 99!
614
00:41:17,977 --> 00:41:20,813
Where are we going?
We're totally exposed!
615
00:41:23,733 --> 00:41:26,069
- My grandma's house!
- Quickly!
616
00:41:26,903 --> 00:41:28,446
They're coming!
617
00:41:31,491 --> 00:41:33,826
- Hello?
- That's not helping! She's not home!
618
00:41:33,910 --> 00:41:35,536
- Bingo night.
- Okay, you guys are dead.
619
00:41:35,620 --> 00:41:37,580
- Open the door! Get the key!
- Okay. Okay.
620
00:41:37,664 --> 00:41:39,332
- Open the door! Get it!
- Come on, let's get them, boys.
621
00:41:39,415 --> 00:41:40,917
They're coming!
622
00:41:41,793 --> 00:41:43,586
Now! " 9°'! You now!"
623
00:41:43,670 --> 00:41:44,921
Hey, hey!
624
00:41:47,256 --> 00:41:49,258
Come on, you babies!
625
00:41:51,594 --> 00:41:52,720
I'm gonna kick your butts!
626
00:41:54,722 --> 00:41:57,934
- Yeah? You and what army?
- Whatever.
627
00:42:03,773 --> 00:42:06,859
You guys are so lucky you can hide
in there behind your mommy!
628
00:42:06,943 --> 00:42:08,736
No, we aren't! It's not our house!
629
00:42:08,820 --> 00:42:11,656
It's his grandma's
and she's not even home!
630
00:42:15,243 --> 00:42:17,954
What? Why would you tell them that?
631
00:42:18,037 --> 00:42:19,247
Did he just say that?
632
00:42:24,669 --> 00:42:27,880
Now they're never gonna leave.
You need to call your mom to come get us.
633
00:42:27,964 --> 00:42:30,425
Mine'll kill me if she knows we're here.
634
00:42:30,508 --> 00:42:33,761
Mine will, too.
She thinks you're a bad influence.
635
00:42:35,263 --> 00:42:36,681
She's right.
636
00:42:37,974 --> 00:42:39,892
Then we're gonna have to bust out of here.
637
00:42:40,768 --> 00:42:43,980
- You have any threes?
- Go fish.
638
00:42:48,234 --> 00:42:50,153
Hey, what's that?
639
00:43:13,968 --> 00:43:16,345
Just back off!
I don't want to hurt anybody,
640
00:43:16,429 --> 00:43:19,474
we just want to walk away
and forget this ever happened.
641
00:43:19,557 --> 00:43:21,893
Nobody needs to be a hero! Whoa!
642
00:43:30,777 --> 00:43:32,111
Are you kidding me?
643
00:43:32,195 --> 00:43:36,783
I'm gonna rip off your arms and punch you
in the face with your own fists!
644
00:43:42,205 --> 00:43:44,207
'They're gaining!
- This way!
645
00:43:50,213 --> 00:43:53,007
The Devil Worshiper Woods! No way!
646
00:43:53,341 --> 00:43:57,220
Hey! Stay right there!
We're gonna get you!
647
00:44:00,014 --> 00:44:02,058
They're going into the woods.
648
00:44:02,141 --> 00:44:05,019
No, no way I go
into Devil Worshiper Woods.
649
00:44:06,854 --> 00:44:08,481
This isn't over!
650
00:44:12,068 --> 00:44:14,904
- I'm really scared!
- Just keep running!
651
00:44:22,745 --> 00:44:25,665
Did you hear that?
It's the devil worshipers.
652
00:44:45,434 --> 00:44:46,602
Guys?
653
00:44:55,069 --> 00:44:56,571
- Are we safe?
- Yeah.
654
00:44:56,696 --> 00:44:59,532
And we made it with still a ton of candy.
655
00:45:02,159 --> 00:45:05,788
Sorry. I was...
I thought you were teenagers.
656
00:45:09,041 --> 00:45:11,586
- Maybe next year, Pops!
- Hey!
657
00:45:25,892 --> 00:45:29,103
So anyone else
exhibiting symptoms of pink eye
658
00:45:29,186 --> 00:45:31,564
should contact the nurse immediately.
659
00:45:31,647 --> 00:45:34,692
In field trip news,
consent forms are going out today
660
00:45:34,775 --> 00:45:38,070
for our annual
History of Plumbing excursion.
661
00:45:38,154 --> 00:45:39,322
In sports news...
662
00:45:40,323 --> 00:45:45,369
I think Shelly is looking hot today.
663
00:45:46,078 --> 00:45:48,748
- Yeah.
- Are they talking about me?
664
00:45:49,498 --> 00:45:52,168
I don't know. I don't speak Russian.
665
00:45:52,335 --> 00:45:57,506
And finally, some positions
have opened up for the Safety Patrol.
666
00:45:57,590 --> 00:46:01,427
If anyone is interested,
see Mr. Winsky after homeroom.
667
00:46:01,510 --> 00:46:03,679
Now that's what I'm talking about.
668
00:46:04,889 --> 00:46:08,184
Safety Patrol. The cops of middle school.
669
00:46:08,976 --> 00:46:15,066
You boss people around, report the jerks,
and miss class three times a week.
670
00:46:19,862 --> 00:46:21,697
Safety Patrol is a sacred trust.
671
00:46:21,781 --> 00:46:25,826
When you put on this vest and that badge
you become a protector of the weak.
672
00:46:25,910 --> 00:46:29,497
You become an enforcer of the laws
of this school,
673
00:46:29,580 --> 00:46:32,750
because today's litterer and jaywalker
674
00:46:32,833 --> 00:46:35,336
is tomorrow's window breaker
and graffiti vandal,
675
00:46:35,419 --> 00:46:37,630
and it's ourjob to stop it.
676
00:46:37,713 --> 00:46:40,716
So I ask you, are you up for the job?
677
00:46:41,717 --> 00:46:43,052
'Yes! 'Yes!
678
00:46:43,886 --> 00:46:46,138
Then welcome to Safety Patrol.
679
00:46:46,222 --> 00:46:49,308
Just remember, with great power...
680
00:46:49,392 --> 00:46:51,978
- Whoa.
- ...comes great responsibility.
681
00:46:53,437 --> 00:46:56,107
Now, you get your first assignment
just after lunch,
682
00:46:56,190 --> 00:46:58,234
so you'll be excused
from the first 20 minutes of sixth period.
683
00:46:58,317 --> 00:47:01,153
But that means we'll miss Algebra...
684
00:47:01,237 --> 00:47:02,738
Do we get free stuff?
685
00:47:03,781 --> 00:47:06,409
- Free hot cocoa.
- Could this day get any better?
686
00:47:07,159 --> 00:47:08,828
Whoa, is that cocoa?
687
00:47:08,911 --> 00:47:11,747
- Sorry, Safety Patrol only.
- Sorry.
688
00:47:15,251 --> 00:47:19,463
You rejected the school paper,
but you joined the Safety Patrol?
689
00:47:19,547 --> 00:47:21,632
Look, are you working
your way down the evolutionary ladder?
690
00:47:21,716 --> 00:47:22,758
What?
691
00:47:22,842 --> 00:47:26,303
Look, Safety Patrol
is the lowest of the low,
692
00:47:26,387 --> 00:47:29,473
the geekiest of the geeky,
the Island of Misfit Toys.
693
00:47:29,557 --> 00:47:32,393
You're just jealous they don't trust you
to keep our school safe.
694
00:47:32,476 --> 00:47:36,105
Now if you'll excuse me,
I need to secure the perimeter.
695
00:47:40,276 --> 00:47:42,987
- I'm hungry.
- Keep it straight, people.
696
00:47:43,070 --> 00:47:45,740
Single-file line, one by one.
697
00:47:53,664 --> 00:47:56,667
Greg! It's those guys from Halloween!
698
00:47:57,793 --> 00:47:59,336
What do we do?
699
00:48:02,339 --> 00:48:05,718
Come on, man, just pull my finger.
I swear to God, I'm not gonna do anything.
700
00:48:05,801 --> 00:48:08,554
Everybody, shoulder to shoulder.
Shoulder to shoulder.
701
00:48:08,637 --> 00:48:10,681
- Go. Go!
- Whoa, whoa.
702
00:48:23,319 --> 00:48:26,405
- That was close.
- Too close.
703
00:48:30,326 --> 00:48:33,287
It's times like these that make me realize.
704
00:48:33,454 --> 00:48:36,499
Rowley's pretty lucky
to have me as a friend.
705
00:48:39,043 --> 00:48:42,338
And I got Twisted Wizard Two,
and a new bike!
706
00:48:43,089 --> 00:48:47,259
And we're going to take a family trip
to New York City for New Year's Eve!
707
00:48:47,343 --> 00:48:51,347
- What did you get?
- My dad got me a weight-lifting set.
708
00:48:51,430 --> 00:48:54,391
Do you know how many video games
I could've gotten instead?
709
00:48:54,475 --> 00:48:58,479
I had to get out of there
before he expected me to, like, use it.
710
00:48:58,771 --> 00:49:01,941
Anyway, let's play some
Twisted Wizard Two at your house.
711
00:49:02,024 --> 00:49:05,694
Probably not a good idea.
My dad's still annoyed at you.
712
00:49:06,070 --> 00:49:07,238
For what?
713
00:49:07,446 --> 00:49:10,199
Remember that secret language
we made up last week?
714
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,954
Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa
like-pa a woman-pa.
715
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:20,292
I think he cracked our code.
716
00:49:20,376 --> 00:49:22,419
We should probably do something outside.
717
00:49:24,547 --> 00:49:27,466
Why can't you ride
and I throw at you first?
718
00:49:27,883 --> 00:49:30,302
My legs kind of hurt
from walking over here.
719
00:49:47,236 --> 00:49:50,322
Okay, Rowley. Come on. Get up.
720
00:49:51,574 --> 00:49:53,159
Shake it off.
721
00:49:54,493 --> 00:49:58,497
Are you sure the doctor was right?
It really didn't look that broken to me.
722
00:49:58,581 --> 00:50:03,043
Yeah, it's broken. The X-ray never lies.
723
00:50:05,254 --> 00:50:09,216
- Oh, my gosh. What happened?
- I broke it.
724
00:50:09,300 --> 00:50:11,427
- How?
- Big Wheel accident.
725
00:50:13,095 --> 00:50:14,722
You're funny.
726
00:50:14,805 --> 00:50:16,640
- Can I sign your cast?
- Me, too.
727
00:50:16,724 --> 00:50:19,143
- I wanna sign it, too.
- Why, sure.
728
00:50:19,476 --> 00:50:22,021
Hey, I'm the one who broke his hand.
729
00:50:22,771 --> 00:50:24,481
Then you're a jerk.
730
00:50:25,316 --> 00:50:27,109
- Sorry.
- Does it hurt?
731
00:50:30,738 --> 00:50:32,740
Rowley, you're so funny.
732
00:50:34,325 --> 00:50:36,619
- After I stood...
- I couldn't believe it!
733
00:50:36,702 --> 00:50:41,290
Rowley was eating at an actual table
because of something I did!
734
00:50:42,041 --> 00:50:43,792
Where's my credit?
735
00:50:44,126 --> 00:50:47,755
And he's right handed!
He can feed himself just fine.
736
00:50:50,674 --> 00:50:53,802
So, how's that class favorite thing
working out for you?
737
00:50:53,886 --> 00:50:55,137
Great.
738
00:51:12,112 --> 00:51:15,783
I realized Rowley's injury thing
was a pretty good racket.
739
00:51:19,870 --> 00:51:23,290
- It's gonna be so much fun.
- Hey, guys. Check it out.
740
00:51:23,791 --> 00:51:25,584
Oh, my gosh, what happened?
741
00:51:25,668 --> 00:51:29,922
It's a raging infection caused by a
splinter that was left untreated.
742
00:51:30,339 --> 00:51:33,384
Want to be the first to sign
my sympathy sheet?
743
00:51:33,717 --> 00:51:34,760
No.
744
00:51:38,055 --> 00:51:42,184
I'll sign it, Greg Heffley,
if you'd let me look at your infection.
745
00:51:46,563 --> 00:51:50,150
And on the X-ray, you could see
where the bone just snapped right in half
746
00:51:50,234 --> 00:51:53,946
I had the exact same break last year,
and it got all purple!
747
00:51:54,071 --> 00:51:57,866
- Cool! Mine, too!
- Hey, Gregory, want to sign the card?
748
00:51:58,242 --> 00:52:00,202
You got Rowley a card?
749
00:52:00,369 --> 00:52:02,997
What? No, it's for Bryan Little.
750
00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:05,416
You know, the guy who writes
the Wacky Dawg cartoons
751
00:52:05,499 --> 00:52:07,251
for the school paper?
752
00:52:07,334 --> 00:52:10,879
He has mono and he's going to be out
for three months.
753
00:52:11,338 --> 00:52:13,340
That really stinks.
754
00:52:13,424 --> 00:52:17,177
So, just out of curiosity,
who's gonna do the cartoon?
755
00:52:17,511 --> 00:52:21,724
They're having tryouts, but
the important thing is Bryan gets better.
756
00:52:22,057 --> 00:52:23,392
Absolutely.
757
00:52:25,477 --> 00:52:28,063
Bryan Little getting mono was destiny.
758
00:52:28,188 --> 00:52:31,650
I draw cartoons all the time.
I'm gonna win this.
759
00:52:41,910 --> 00:52:46,081
I decided to go ahead and forgive Rowley
for milking the broken hand so hard
760
00:52:46,165 --> 00:52:49,126
and I told him
he could work on the cartoon with me.
761
00:52:50,002 --> 00:52:53,255
So, I was thinking
we could do something like this!
762
00:52:53,589 --> 00:52:55,758
Oops, I stepped in a puddle!
763
00:52:55,841 --> 00:52:58,260
At least it's not an acid puddle.
764
00:52:59,345 --> 00:53:00,846
It is an acid puddle!
765
00:53:00,929 --> 00:53:02,473
Zoo-wee Mama!
766
00:53:04,266 --> 00:53:06,018
Zoo-wee Mama!
767
00:53:07,728 --> 00:53:10,105
It's the same joke every time.
768
00:53:10,189 --> 00:53:12,775
Yeah! Zoo-wee Mama!
769
00:53:13,692 --> 00:53:16,153
We can't just do the same thing
over and over.
770
00:53:16,236 --> 00:53:18,030
We can if it's Zoo-wee Mama.
771
00:53:18,113 --> 00:53:21,075
It has to be a little more sophisticated.
772
00:53:21,408 --> 00:53:24,286
I wonder what is in this cute little box.
773
00:53:24,411 --> 00:53:26,914
It's not a box,
it's a brick, you dumb moron.
774
00:53:26,997 --> 00:53:30,042
Oops! I've been trying to open it all day!
775
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:37,091
- Can he say, "Zoo-wee Mama"?
- No, it's not funny.
776
00:53:37,174 --> 00:53:40,094
Well, I think it is. I like Zoo-wee Mama.
777
00:53:40,219 --> 00:53:44,848
You know what? If you like it so much,
then why don't you go do it yourself?
778
00:53:48,060 --> 00:53:51,355
Okay. I will.
779
00:53:52,731 --> 00:53:53,982
See you.
780
00:54:04,910 --> 00:54:08,831
Hey, I forgot my raincoat, so I'm gonna
need you to walk the kids home today.
781
00:54:08,914 --> 00:54:13,585
I can't. I can't get my cast wet.
You can borrow my coat.
782
00:54:17,881 --> 00:54:19,883
Where's Rowley?
783
00:54:20,092 --> 00:54:23,637
- He couldn't get his cast wet!
- He walks us better!
784
00:54:30,686 --> 00:54:31,854
Oh, no.
785
00:54:37,443 --> 00:54:39,653
Oh, my gosh! Space monsters!
786
00:54:39,862 --> 00:54:43,949
They're going to eat us,
unless we can get into that hole!
787
00:54:44,116 --> 00:54:47,453
Come on, people, move it!
Now, people! We're gonna get eaten!
788
00:54:47,536 --> 00:54:50,289
Come on! Don't worry!
I'm right behind you!
789
00:54:50,372 --> 00:54:51,707
- Whoa!
- Go!
790
00:55:04,011 --> 00:55:05,137
Hey!
791
00:55:06,054 --> 00:55:08,515
Rowley Jefferson, is that you?
792
00:55:09,725 --> 00:55:12,227
Yes, Mrs. Irvine!
793
00:55:16,023 --> 00:55:17,566
Sorry, kids!
794
00:55:25,699 --> 00:55:27,701
Are you going to eat us?
795
00:55:28,744 --> 00:55:33,165
And though doctors assure us
that Mrs. Cheznik is no longer contagious,
796
00:55:33,248 --> 00:55:37,586
the cafeteria nachos bar will be closed
for the remainder of the week.
797
00:55:37,961 --> 00:55:40,339
And now, what you've all been waiting for.
798
00:55:40,506 --> 00:55:44,510
The faculty, Student Council
and editors have all met
799
00:55:44,593 --> 00:55:47,971
and selected the new cartoonist
for the school paper.
800
00:55:48,931 --> 00:55:54,269
And the winner is
"Zoo-wee Mama" by Rowley Jefferson!
801
00:55:59,107 --> 00:56:01,527
- What?
- That is funny!
802
00:56:02,444 --> 00:56:03,779
Great job.
803
00:56:05,113 --> 00:56:07,783
- Zoo-wee Mama.
- I couldn't believe it.
804
00:56:09,076 --> 00:56:11,411
Am I the only one who gets comedy?
805
00:56:11,495 --> 00:56:14,373
- Rowley, will you put me in your cartoon?
- Sure.
806
00:56:14,456 --> 00:56:17,417
And me, too. I want to be the one
who says, "Zoo-wee Mama."
807
00:56:17,501 --> 00:56:20,295
- You got it!
- Hey, Rowley, congratulations.
808
00:56:20,379 --> 00:56:21,547
- Thanks.
- No problem.
809
00:56:21,630 --> 00:56:24,424
You know, I read all the submissions
and yours was by far the best.
810
00:56:24,508 --> 00:56:26,301
I read yours, too.
811
00:56:26,802 --> 00:56:28,720
- Hey, Rowley.
- Hey, Bryce.
812
00:56:29,054 --> 00:56:32,766
- Yeah, hey, Bryce.
- Hey, fella.
813
00:56:33,642 --> 00:56:36,562
Wow. Everyone knows me now.
814
00:56:37,145 --> 00:56:41,858
- It's like I'm famous! Isn't this great?
- Yeah.
815
00:56:42,150 --> 00:56:46,154
Rowley Jefferson?
I need to see you in my office, now.
816
00:56:57,791 --> 00:56:59,751
I just took a call from a Mrs. Irvine
817
00:56:59,835 --> 00:57:02,504
about what happened
to the kindergarteners last week.
818
00:57:02,588 --> 00:57:05,340
She was very upset. And so am I.
819
00:57:06,216 --> 00:57:09,344
- What?
- You violated the sacred trust.
820
00:57:10,554 --> 00:57:11,847
This...
821
00:57:14,182 --> 00:57:18,103
This badge is supposed to mean
something, and you just spat on it.
822
00:57:18,186 --> 00:57:20,230
I can barely even look at you.
823
00:57:20,314 --> 00:57:22,649
- I really don't...
- Just save it.
824
00:57:22,858 --> 00:57:25,944
You are officially suspended
from Safety Patrol.
825
00:57:26,361 --> 00:57:29,656
And I expect a full apology
to the kindergarteners.
826
00:57:30,449 --> 00:57:31,742
Yes, sir.
827
00:57:40,667 --> 00:57:45,088
- Hey. What did he have to say?
- I'm kicked off.
828
00:57:45,672 --> 00:57:47,841
I don't even know what he's talking about.
829
00:57:50,969 --> 00:57:52,220
Rowley?
830
00:57:54,264 --> 00:57:57,225
- What?
- Nothing.
831
00:58:13,408 --> 00:58:17,454
You've been home for an hour
and haven't badgered me for any snacks.
832
00:58:17,537 --> 00:58:19,414
Are you feeling okay?
833
00:58:20,624 --> 00:58:24,336
Well, I'm kind of in a tough situation.
834
00:58:25,253 --> 00:58:26,838
I know something
835
00:58:26,922 --> 00:58:30,008
and if I tell the truth about it,
it could hurt somebody.
836
00:58:30,092 --> 00:58:33,220
But if I don't, it could
hurt somebody else.
837
00:58:33,303 --> 00:58:38,642
Well, you have to trust your gut
and try to do the right thing,
838
00:58:40,268 --> 00:58:44,940
because it's our choices
that make us who we are.
839
00:58:47,484 --> 00:58:48,610
Okay.
840
00:58:52,572 --> 00:58:56,451
I was up all night, tossing and turning,
thinking about my mom's advice.
841
00:58:56,535 --> 00:58:59,454
And I finally decided
to do the right thing.
842
00:59:00,789 --> 00:59:03,458
I'm sorry I terrorized you, children.
843
00:59:04,209 --> 00:59:05,377
What?
844
00:59:06,128 --> 00:59:09,506
I decided to let Rowley
take one for the team.
845
00:59:12,718 --> 00:59:16,888
But I'm not entirely sure
that was the right call.
846
00:59:25,439 --> 00:59:26,898
Hey, how's it going?
847
00:59:26,982 --> 00:59:31,027
Well, I was pretty upset
about being suspended from Safety Patrol,
848
00:59:31,111 --> 00:59:35,157
but then I just started drawing a bunch
of Zoo-wee Mamas and I felt better.
849
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:38,201
Look. I put you in this week's cartoon.
850
00:59:38,326 --> 00:59:41,163
And you even get to say,
"Zoo-wee Mama."
851
00:59:41,747 --> 00:59:44,291
Wow. That's really
852
00:59:47,210 --> 00:59:48,378
nice.
853
00:59:49,671 --> 00:59:51,548
So, listen.
854
00:59:51,631 --> 00:59:55,135
It's kind of funny, you know,
the whole Safety Patrol thing.
855
00:59:55,218 --> 00:59:56,344
Yeah?
856
00:59:57,012 --> 00:59:58,805
Ready for the funny part?
857
00:59:58,889 --> 01:00:02,309
Well, I'm the one
who terrorized those kids!
858
01:00:05,145 --> 01:00:06,897
- What?
- Yeah,
859
01:00:06,980 --> 01:00:09,816
and I think we can both learn
some valuable lessons from this.
860
01:00:09,900 --> 01:00:14,279
Like, I should be more careful what I do
in front of Mrs. lr\/ine's house.
861
01:00:14,362 --> 01:00:16,406
And you, well,
862
01:00:17,532 --> 01:00:19,868
you should be more careful
who you lend your coat to.
863
01:00:23,371 --> 01:00:26,875
You know what, Greg?
You're not a good friend.
864
01:00:27,542 --> 01:00:31,546
Whoa. How could you even say that?
I'm a great friend.
865
01:00:31,630 --> 01:00:34,800
If you were a great friend,
you would have told Mr. Winsky the truth.
866
01:00:34,883 --> 01:00:37,594
Okay, one thing.
You can't get mad aboutjust...
867
01:00:37,677 --> 01:00:40,263
You only care about yourself.
868
01:00:40,597 --> 01:00:42,516
You hated my cartoon.
869
01:00:43,558 --> 01:00:47,270
You made fun of my clothes.
You disrespected Joshie.
870
01:00:47,521 --> 01:00:50,941
You broke my hand
and you didn't even seem sorry.
871
01:00:51,024 --> 01:00:53,735
That broken hand was the best thing
that ever happened to you!
872
01:00:55,487 --> 01:00:57,113
Don't call me.
873
01:00:57,823 --> 01:01:01,159
Don't come by my house. We're done.
874
01:01:19,261 --> 01:01:21,346
I thought the whole thing would blow over.
875
01:01:21,429 --> 01:01:24,432
But Rowley was still giving me
the silent treatment.
876
01:01:24,516 --> 01:01:27,727
- Even when I tried to make the first move.
- Yeah.
877
01:01:32,148 --> 01:01:35,861
So, anyway, I was so angry at him...
878
01:01:37,112 --> 01:01:41,408
One of the kindergarteners
finally told their parents the whole story.
879
01:01:42,492 --> 01:01:46,997
Greg? You're relieved of your Safety Patrol
duties, effective immediately.
880
01:01:48,206 --> 01:01:49,583
Rowley,
881
01:01:50,792 --> 01:01:54,754
for showing dignity under false suspicion,
I am promoting you
882
01:01:55,630 --> 01:01:56,756
to team captain.
883
01:01:58,925 --> 01:02:03,430
Now, that's a position that I held
for two years. I know you'll honor it.
884
01:02:39,466 --> 01:02:42,719
Hey, Rowley, my mom says it's okay
for me to sleep over tonight.
885
01:02:42,802 --> 01:02:44,137
Awesome!
886
01:02:45,347 --> 01:02:49,309
The whole thing with Rowley is,
I was willing to let bygones be bygones.
887
01:02:49,392 --> 01:02:51,937
But then he made friends with Collin
just to mess with me.
888
01:02:52,020 --> 01:02:53,563
As if I even care if he...
889
01:02:56,691 --> 01:02:58,693
Well, you know what?
890
01:02:59,027 --> 01:03:00,737
Two can play at that game.
891
01:03:01,780 --> 01:03:05,450
There's no going back, Sergeant.
I need to board the helicopter.
892
01:03:05,533 --> 01:03:07,410
Do you have my back?
893
01:03:07,494 --> 01:03:10,205
I will always have your back, Captain.
894
01:03:30,809 --> 01:03:33,269
- Hey.
- Hey, Greg Heffley.
895
01:03:35,981 --> 01:03:40,235
So, I was thinking maybe you might
want to have a sleepover?
896
01:03:41,403 --> 01:03:43,446
Yeah. With who?
897
01:03:44,572 --> 01:03:45,740
Me.
898
01:03:46,074 --> 01:03:49,744
- Yeah, when?
- Now.
899
01:03:50,954 --> 01:03:52,998
Greg Heffley, I love you!
900
01:03:53,081 --> 01:03:55,208
We are going to be best friends forever!
901
01:03:56,751 --> 01:03:59,129
Wanna have a tickle fight?
902
01:04:03,258 --> 01:04:05,802
Okay. Let's get inside.
903
01:04:08,471 --> 01:04:10,223
I can't believe it!
904
01:04:10,515 --> 01:04:14,602
Greg Heffley's in my room!
Greg Heffley's in my room, Rebecca.
905
01:04:14,894 --> 01:04:17,814
What do you want to do, Greg Heffley?
How about Twister?
906
01:04:17,897 --> 01:04:20,775
I'm not really that much of a Twister guy.
907
01:04:21,735 --> 01:04:22,986
- Candy!
- Wait!
908
01:04:23,069 --> 01:04:25,447
No, no, no! Fregley, come on! Really!
909
01:04:25,613 --> 01:04:27,449
I really think
we should save those for later!
910
01:04:27,532 --> 01:04:30,660
- Maybe we should go outside and...
- My mom doesn't let me have sugar.
911
01:04:30,744 --> 01:04:34,372
She says high glucose in my diet
induces hyperactivity.
912
01:04:35,790 --> 01:04:37,625
But it's so good!
913
01:04:38,126 --> 01:04:39,753
Greg Heffley, you want to jumpety-jump?
914
01:04:39,836 --> 01:04:41,546
Yeah, you know what, Fregley?
I just remembered,
915
01:04:41,629 --> 01:04:44,132
I have an appointment,
a really important appointment.
916
01:04:44,215 --> 01:04:48,178
It's a homework appointment.
Yeah, and I really should be going.
917
01:04:51,389 --> 01:04:52,849
Get away from me!
918
01:04:55,518 --> 01:04:58,229
I can fly! Whoa.
919
01:04:58,480 --> 01:05:00,482
How fun, Greg Heffley!
920
01:05:00,940 --> 01:05:05,403
Greg? Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg?
Greg? Greg?
921
01:05:07,030 --> 01:05:09,657
I hear you breathing, Greg Heffley.
922
01:05:36,309 --> 01:05:37,852
Dear Gregory,
923
01:05:38,061 --> 01:05:41,564
I'm very sorry I chased you
with a booger on my finger.
924
01:05:42,023 --> 01:05:45,360
Here, I put it on this paper
so you can get me back.
925
01:05:59,082 --> 01:06:00,250
What?
926
01:06:04,712 --> 01:06:06,089
All right.
927
01:06:07,215 --> 01:06:11,803
Okay, enough.
I'll show Rowley I don't need him.
928
01:06:11,886 --> 01:06:14,514
When he sees me in the yearbook
as Most Talented,
929
01:06:14,597 --> 01:06:16,349
he's gonna come running back.
930
01:06:18,810 --> 01:06:22,730
Okay, since there are so many of you
here auditioning,
931
01:06:22,814 --> 01:06:27,610
to save time, we're gonna do a group sing
of one of my favorite songs.
932
01:06:27,694 --> 01:06:30,488
Please refer to the lyrics on this handout.
933
01:06:30,572 --> 01:06:34,200
I will pick out the best voices
and place you accordingly.
934
01:07:36,679 --> 01:07:41,893
Greg Heffley, what a lovely
soprano voice you have. I'm stunned!
935
01:07:42,810 --> 01:07:44,729
Maybe you should be Dorothy!
936
01:07:48,650 --> 01:07:50,693
- No, no, I can't be...
- No!
937
01:07:51,110 --> 01:07:54,364
Greg Heffley was suspended
from the school Safety Patrol!
938
01:07:54,447 --> 01:07:58,034
How can you trust him with the lead role
in the play?
939
01:07:58,159 --> 01:08:00,328
He can't be Dorothy! I'm Dorothy!
940
01:08:00,411 --> 01:08:03,665
- All right, Patty, calm down.
- I'm Dorothy! I am!
941
01:08:03,915 --> 01:08:07,252
My mother is the president of the P.T.A.
942
01:08:07,335 --> 01:08:09,504
She can ruin your life!
943
01:08:10,255 --> 01:08:11,839
Justanidea.
944
01:08:13,007 --> 01:08:17,428
All right, well, Greg, your voice is too
high for any of the other male roles.
945
01:08:17,512 --> 01:08:19,555
Perhaps you can be a tree!
946
01:08:19,847 --> 01:08:22,934
A tree? No way.
947
01:08:29,691 --> 01:08:32,860
The trees get to throw apples
at Patty Farrell.
948
01:08:33,695 --> 01:08:35,780
Haven't you seen the movie?
949
01:08:45,790 --> 01:08:48,084
Wait, we don't get arm holes?
950
01:08:48,167 --> 01:08:50,545
How are we gonna throw apples
at Dorothy without arm holes?
951
01:08:50,628 --> 01:08:53,840
You don't need arm holes
because nobody's throwing any apples.
952
01:08:53,923 --> 01:08:57,677
We're not doing the movie.
In my version, the trees sing.
953
01:08:57,760 --> 01:08:59,470
These, my dear.
954
01:08:59,554 --> 01:09:03,641
Down the winding yellow road.
955
01:09:03,725 --> 01:09:07,729
Doth she know to where it goes.
956
01:09:07,854 --> 01:09:11,399
With her dog so small and true.
957
01:09:11,482 --> 01:09:14,027
We hope she fares well.
958
01:09:14,110 --> 01:09:18,281
Yes, we do.
959
01:09:23,953 --> 01:09:27,081
My tooth! I think I knocked out my tooth!
960
01:09:27,165 --> 01:09:29,667
Perhaps we should cutout
some arm holes.
961
01:09:29,751 --> 01:09:31,586
- Is he okay?
- You think?
962
01:09:45,099 --> 01:09:48,603
Isn't this exciting? Your son's in a play.
963
01:09:48,686 --> 01:09:52,315
Yeah, sure. It's not wrestling, but...
964
01:09:55,234 --> 01:09:57,028
- But at least it's something.
- Come on, Toto.
965
01:09:57,111 --> 01:10:00,990
Let us explore this magical path!
966
01:10:08,331 --> 01:10:09,749
Bubby!
967
01:10:10,792 --> 01:10:13,211
Bubby! Bubby!
968
01:10:13,294 --> 01:10:14,879
Bubby.
969
01:10:17,632 --> 01:10:20,885
Hey, Bubby, I think you dropped an apple.
970
01:10:25,473 --> 01:10:29,102
We three trees from yonder glen.
971
01:10:29,185 --> 01:10:33,773
Do spy a fair and sweet maiden.
972
01:10:33,856 --> 01:10:37,402
Whilst we 're rooted to our spots.
973
01:10:37,485 --> 01:10:42,073
In silver slippers she doth trot.
974
01:10:42,198 --> 01:10:45,785
Down the winding yellow road.
975
01:10:45,868 --> 01:10:46,869
Oh, yes.
976
01:10:46,953 --> 01:10:50,248
Doth she know to where it goes.
977
01:10:50,331 --> 01:10:51,416
You're dead.
978
01:10:51,499 --> 01:10:54,127
With her dog so small and true.
979
01:10:54,210 --> 01:10:56,504
We hope she fares well.
980
01:10:56,587 --> 01:11:00,675
Yes, we do.
981
01:11:00,758 --> 01:11:03,386
We three trees from...
982
01:11:08,975 --> 01:11:10,685
From yonder glen!
983
01:11:10,768 --> 01:11:14,188
Wish her joy through journey's end!
984
01:11:17,483 --> 01:11:18,860
Sing!
985
01:11:20,361 --> 01:11:21,696
Sing!
986
01:11:23,197 --> 01:11:25,616
- Sing!
- This bites!
987
01:11:26,284 --> 01:11:27,785
Come on, Greg Heffley!
988
01:11:27,869 --> 01:11:31,330
Stop ruining the play
like you ruin everything else!
989
01:11:32,331 --> 01:11:36,169
Don't make me come over there
and beat you up again!
990
01:11:49,724 --> 01:11:51,058
Eat this!
991
01:11:51,767 --> 01:11:53,478
Eat this!
992
01:12:13,873 --> 01:12:15,666
What'd you think?
I thought he was the best one up there.
993
01:12:15,750 --> 01:12:18,586
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
- You know, I'm...
994
01:12:25,426 --> 01:12:27,637
I thought Dorothy deserved it.
995
01:12:29,680 --> 01:12:31,224
Thanks, Dad.
996
01:12:32,266 --> 01:12:34,644
You got some good shots in there.
997
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:43,653
Look what I found in the trash.
998
01:12:43,736 --> 01:12:45,404
Guess you threw it away by accident.
999
01:12:46,030 --> 01:12:47,198
Give it back, Rodrick!
1000
01:12:47,281 --> 01:12:49,200
No way! You want it?
1001
01:12:49,283 --> 01:12:51,160
Come and get it then! Come on.
1002
01:12:51,244 --> 01:12:52,912
- Give it!
- Come on!
1003
01:12:52,995 --> 01:12:55,248
Use your muscular legs!
No, you can't have it.
1004
01:12:55,331 --> 01:12:56,832
- Okay, okay, boys!
- Give it back!
1005
01:12:56,916 --> 01:12:58,167
- Hold on, don't you want it?
- Okay!
1006
01:12:58,251 --> 01:12:59,669
It's for you.
1007
01:13:01,587 --> 01:13:05,174
It's an invitation for
the Mother and Son Sweetheart Dance.
1008
01:13:05,800 --> 01:13:07,802
I knew you didn't want to miss that.
1009
01:13:07,885 --> 01:13:09,470
It looks like a lot of fun.
1010
01:13:09,554 --> 01:13:12,515
I think you should go.
I think it'd be a lot of fun.
1011
01:13:12,598 --> 01:13:15,810
Fun? That's the exact opposite of fun!
1012
01:13:16,978 --> 01:13:20,731
This entire year has been terrible
and nobody even cares!
1013
01:13:20,815 --> 01:13:23,192
My family, my best friend.
1014
01:13:23,818 --> 01:13:27,071
Well, I'm sick of it.
Somebody needs to pay.
1015
01:13:32,159 --> 01:13:36,497
Okay, Manny, I'm putting
this Tootsie Roll in Rodrick's backpack.
1016
01:13:37,039 --> 01:13:41,711
It's for Rodrick, so whatever you do,
don't touch the Tootsie Roll.
1017
01:13:47,133 --> 01:13:50,219
Greg? Coaster. Where's he...
1018
01:13:52,388 --> 01:13:55,516
Manny? Where did you get that?
1019
01:14:02,690 --> 01:14:05,192
Oh, my. That's offensive.
1020
01:14:13,701 --> 01:14:15,995
Rodrick? Rodrick!
1021
01:14:17,371 --> 01:14:19,957
I need to talk to you inside! Now!
1022
01:14:20,583 --> 01:14:24,128
Go ahead and talk.
We're a band and we have no secrets.
1023
01:14:24,211 --> 01:14:26,964
Okay, fine. What is this?
1024
01:14:29,592 --> 01:14:32,136
- It's not mine.
- It was in your backpack.
1025
01:14:32,261 --> 01:14:34,388
No, it was in my room.
1026
01:14:37,058 --> 01:14:40,311
Does owning this magazine
make you a better person?
1027
01:14:41,520 --> 01:14:44,273
- No.
- Did it make you more popular at school?
1028
01:14:44,357 --> 01:14:45,608
Yes!
1029
01:14:46,359 --> 01:14:47,652
No.
1030
01:14:47,735 --> 01:14:52,531
How do you feel about having
owned this type of magazine?
1031
01:14:54,116 --> 01:14:55,993
- Ashamed!
- Nice.
1032
01:14:59,455 --> 01:15:03,000
Do you have anything
you wanna say to women
1033
01:15:03,084 --> 01:15:07,004
for having owned this offensive magazine?
1034
01:15:08,589 --> 01:15:09,924
I'm sorry, women.
1035
01:15:10,091 --> 01:15:12,760
- Yeah, women.
- Yeah.
1036
01:15:15,429 --> 01:15:18,599
You're grounded for two weeks.
1037
01:15:18,933 --> 01:15:22,019
Okay, settle down, Susan!
I think one week is plenty!
1038
01:15:22,103 --> 01:15:25,856
Make it four weeks
and I'm gonna need the keys to your van!
1039
01:15:26,315 --> 01:15:27,483
My Van?
1040
01:15:28,609 --> 01:15:31,153
Yeah! Yeah.
1041
01:15:32,988 --> 01:15:34,156
Yeah.
1042
01:15:36,325 --> 01:15:37,618
Hello?
1043
01:15:39,036 --> 01:15:40,287
Hello?
1044
01:15:53,634 --> 01:15:55,428
All right, smile.
1045
01:15:55,761 --> 01:15:58,723
Look at this place! Wanna dance?
1046
01:15:59,390 --> 01:16:01,934
Mom, stop dancing.
You're embarrassing me.
1047
01:16:02,017 --> 01:16:05,187
Come on.
I'm just keeping time to the music.
1048
01:16:05,271 --> 01:16:07,815
I'm begging you, please stop it.
1049
01:16:07,898 --> 01:16:09,817
Okay, okay, 0k8Y...
1050
01:16:11,944 --> 01:16:13,154
Thanks, honey.
1051
01:16:14,321 --> 01:16:15,573
Hi!
1052
01:16:15,656 --> 01:16:20,244
Well, if we're not here to dance,
maybe you should go talk to Rowley.
1053
01:16:21,036 --> 01:16:23,581
I think it's time you two made up.
1054
01:16:23,998 --> 01:16:25,291
I can't.
1055
01:16:26,041 --> 01:16:30,254
Sweetheart, he's your best friend.
1056
01:16:31,005 --> 01:16:34,508
And sometimes,
when somebody's worth it,
1057
01:16:34,592 --> 01:16:37,011
you just have to put yourself out there.
1058
01:16:39,680 --> 01:16:41,807
I wouldn't know what to say.
1059
01:16:42,183 --> 01:16:45,436
Well, I could go for an ice cream
after the dance.
1060
01:16:45,519 --> 01:16:48,105
Maybe you could invite him to join us.
1061
01:16:48,272 --> 01:16:49,356
Yeah.
1062
01:16:55,654 --> 01:16:57,072
Hey, Rowley.
1063
01:16:59,033 --> 01:17:00,159
Hey.
1064
01:17:00,493 --> 01:17:04,163
So you want to go
get some ice cream after?
1065
01:17:04,497 --> 01:17:07,416
I'm sorry. We already have plans.
1066
01:17:09,001 --> 01:17:11,587
Yeah. We do.
1067
01:17:14,340 --> 01:17:18,260
Fine. My mom wanted me to ask. So I did.
1068
01:17:18,469 --> 01:17:20,554
I didn't even want to go.
1069
01:17:29,563 --> 01:17:30,731
Well?
1070
01:17:34,568 --> 01:17:36,570
Honey, I'm sorry.
1071
01:17:41,242 --> 01:17:42,451
Yeah!
1072
01:18:43,012 --> 01:18:45,306
You have got to be kidding me.
1073
01:18:58,652 --> 01:19:00,863
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey.
1074
01:19:10,497 --> 01:19:11,582
Hey.
1075
01:19:13,125 --> 01:19:14,251
Hey.
1076
01:19:15,044 --> 01:19:20,007
So, I left my racing game at your house
and Collin's sleeping over tonight.
1077
01:19:20,090 --> 01:19:21,717
So I need it back.
1078
01:19:22,509 --> 01:19:24,803
What? No way.
1079
01:19:24,887 --> 01:19:26,430
Finders, keepers.
1080
01:19:26,555 --> 01:19:28,807
You didn't find it, I left it.
1081
01:19:29,808 --> 01:19:32,937
Fine, then leavers, losers.
1082
01:19:34,063 --> 01:19:36,148
That's not even a real thing.
1083
01:19:36,231 --> 01:19:37,691
It is if I say it is.
1084
01:19:37,775 --> 01:19:39,318
It's my game.
1085
01:19:39,401 --> 01:19:40,569
Do you know what?
1086
01:19:40,653 --> 01:19:43,656
You wouldn't even have that game
if I hadn't told you about it.
1087
01:19:43,739 --> 01:19:45,616
You wouldn't have half the stuff
you have without me.
1088
01:19:45,699 --> 01:19:48,118
Yeah, like a broken hand!
1089
01:19:49,745 --> 01:19:51,580
That was a million years ago.
1090
01:19:51,664 --> 01:19:53,332
It clicks now!
1091
01:19:53,916 --> 01:19:56,585
Hear that? Click, click, click, click.
1092
01:19:56,710 --> 01:19:58,504
And it's all your fault!
1093
01:19:58,587 --> 01:19:59,880
It was an accident!
1094
01:19:59,964 --> 01:20:02,800
Kick his butt, Rowleyl It's easy.
1095
01:20:03,050 --> 01:20:05,177
Guys, Greg and Rowley are gonna fight.
1096
01:20:05,260 --> 01:20:17,356
- Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
- Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
1097
01:20:27,741 --> 01:20:31,370
Come on, what's wrong with you guys?
Start punching!
1098
01:20:33,747 --> 01:20:35,874
- You start.
- You start it.
1099
01:20:35,958 --> 01:20:37,376
No, you!
1100
01:20:38,919 --> 01:20:40,462
Quit copying me!
1101
01:20:41,171 --> 01:20:44,633
This has got to be the worst fight ever!
Do something!
1102
01:20:55,811 --> 01:21:00,315
Well, well, well. Look who we have here.
1103
01:21:00,941 --> 01:21:03,110
You're so freaking dead.
1104
01:21:03,193 --> 01:21:06,947
All you guys better scram
or I'm gonna kick your butts, too!
1105
01:21:07,906 --> 01:21:09,533
Not you two.
1106
01:21:12,786 --> 01:21:17,499
You guys have no idea
what I'm gonna do to you.
1107
01:21:20,627 --> 01:21:22,421
What are we gonna do?
1108
01:21:23,464 --> 01:21:25,215
- I don't know.
- We need to move this along.
1109
01:21:25,299 --> 01:21:28,093
My shift at Cinnabon
starts in half an hour.
1110
01:21:44,443 --> 01:21:47,821
I know what we're gonna do.
Give me the wide one.
1111
01:21:47,905 --> 01:21:49,990
That's you, let's go.
1112
01:21:51,867 --> 01:21:53,410
Pick it up.
1113
01:21:53,494 --> 01:21:55,329
- But“
- Pick it up.
1114
01:22:10,052 --> 01:22:12,012
Now eat it.
1115
01:22:12,763 --> 01:22:13,764
No!
1116
01:22:13,847 --> 01:22:17,184
Eat it or I'll shove the entire thing
down your throat.
1117
01:22:30,364 --> 01:22:32,783
I don't even want to say
exactly what happened
1118
01:22:32,866 --> 01:22:36,370
because if Rowley ever tries
to run for President
1119
01:22:36,453 --> 01:22:39,456
and someone finds out
what these guys made him do,
1120
01:22:39,540 --> 01:22:41,458
he won't have a chance.
1121
01:22:41,542 --> 01:22:42,876
Now you.
1122
01:22:42,960 --> 01:22:44,962
But I'm allergic to dairy!
1123
01:22:45,045 --> 01:22:47,673
I'll die, and then you'll go to jail!
And...
1124
01:22:47,756 --> 01:22:48,882
Hey!
1125
01:22:49,216 --> 01:22:51,510
- What are you doing on school property?
- Go, go, go!
1126
01:22:51,677 --> 01:22:52,803
Shotgun!
1127
01:22:52,886 --> 01:22:55,055
Pete Hosey, is that you?
1128
01:22:59,893 --> 01:23:04,022
You boys okay? Yeah? All right.
1129
01:23:08,068 --> 01:23:11,238
Out of my way! Out of my way!
1130
01:23:20,789 --> 01:23:25,627
Oh, my God. Rowley Jefferson ate...
1131
01:23:25,711 --> 01:23:27,462
I ate the cheese!
1132
01:23:44,771 --> 01:23:47,107
Yeah. I ate it.
1133
01:23:47,900 --> 01:23:52,571
And you know what, people?
I just did you all a huge favor.
1134
01:23:54,907 --> 01:23:58,827
I ate the cheese to show you all
how stupid this whole school is.
1135
01:24:00,495 --> 01:24:01,955
The wrong friends.
1136
01:24:03,373 --> 01:24:05,250
The wrong lunch table.
1137
01:24:06,168 --> 01:24:07,794
The wrong butt?
1138
01:24:09,254 --> 01:24:11,381
It's all meaningless.
1139
01:24:11,965 --> 01:24:14,176
Just like this cheese.
1140
01:24:15,802 --> 01:24:18,180
I know it. You all know it.
1141
01:24:18,555 --> 01:24:20,098
So come on.
1142
01:24:20,682 --> 01:24:24,519
Everyone else who's sick of it,
step forward and join me!
1143
01:24:27,481 --> 01:24:30,692
Cheese Touch!
Greg Heffley has the Cheese Touch!
1144
01:24:30,776 --> 01:24:33,570
- Run!
- He's got the Cheese Touch!
1145
01:24:43,080 --> 01:24:46,833
Not bad, Heffley. Not bad at all.
1146
01:24:59,346 --> 01:25:04,851
So you want to come over
after school and play?
1147
01:25:08,939 --> 01:25:10,148
Yeah.
1148
01:25:13,819 --> 01:25:15,028
Okay.
1149
01:25:30,419 --> 01:25:34,798
Here's your yearbook.
Have a great summer.
1150
01:25:34,881 --> 01:25:36,008
Thanks!
1151
01:25:36,466 --> 01:25:38,260
Here's your yearbook.
Have a great summer.
1152
01:25:38,343 --> 01:25:39,761
Thanks, Patty.
1153
01:25:39,845 --> 01:25:43,473
Here's your yearbook.
You're not in it that much.
1154
01:25:43,557 --> 01:25:46,226
Maybe try to get out there
a little next year.
1155
01:25:46,310 --> 01:25:48,270
You know what, Patty?
1156
01:25:48,353 --> 01:25:51,523
One day middle school will end
and become high school.
1157
01:25:51,606 --> 01:25:54,151
And after that, it just becomes life.
1158
01:25:54,234 --> 01:25:59,156
And all those things you think
are important now won't be any more.
1159
01:26:00,449 --> 01:26:01,908
You wish.
1160
01:26:03,910 --> 01:26:05,245
AS if!
1161
01:26:07,622 --> 01:26:09,916
Handing it to you is like touching you
1162
01:26:10,000 --> 01:26:13,754
and I am way too smart
to touch somebody who ate the cheese.
1163
01:26:14,379 --> 01:26:18,008
Rowleyl Have a great summer!
1164
01:26:18,425 --> 01:26:19,760
Stay cool.
1165
01:26:20,761 --> 01:26:23,930
Yep, you're way too smart for me,
Patty Farrell.
1166
01:26:28,435 --> 01:26:30,687
So the year turned out pretty good.
1167
01:26:30,771 --> 01:26:33,940
My goal was to be a class favorite,
and I made it.
1168
01:26:34,024 --> 01:26:38,278
Even if it wasn't exactly
the way I planned it.
1169
01:26:39,154 --> 01:26:41,531
Zoo-wee Mama!
1170
01:32:29,504 --> 01:32:30,505
ENGLISH - US