1 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,872 So when the woman says they come long and thin, fat... 2 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,674 ...with veins on them, like this and like that... 3 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,758 ...the guy can't handle it. He gets up and says, "If I found one like that... " 4 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,111 - "... I'd, you know... " - He's something else! 5 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:35,310 They used to call them 'zibiks'. They were like coffee mills. This big. 6 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,354 And made of wood, right? Or so I hear, I never saw one. 7 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,831 I haven't laughed so much in ages. Let's drink, Vedat. 8 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,758 - Cheers! - Welcome, old man. 9 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,679 - Welcome. - To your health. 10 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,196 Zeki, why don't we, you know? 11 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,679 Right. Enough laughs. Let's not keep Vedat hanging on any longer. 12 00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,951 Oh man! You had to put them in a plastic bag? 13 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,993 Hey, the wrapping has to be crap or they'd attract attention. Right? 14 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,189 Sure. 15 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,072 Here, these are the goods. 16 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,272 Just look at that stitching. It speaks for itself. 17 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,677 - So can I touch them? - Sure... Here you go. 18 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:25,028 They call these long Wellingtons. They're around 130-140 years old. 19 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,356 I can't give an exact figure, but around that. 20 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:32,076 - So how did they land up with you? - Now that's an interesting story. 21 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,675 Go on, tell him. Vedat's one of us. There's no one around. It's just us. 22 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,633 - OK, US president Garfield... - What, the cat? 23 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,798 - What fucking cat? - Garfield's a cat, right? 24 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:47,432 Google it, man! See for yourself. The then US president was Garfield. 25 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:52,231 OK, I enter 'Garfield'. 'Did you mean Garfield? ' The cat again. 26 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,789 Where's the president? Away. On vacation. 27 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,632 - Carry on, chum. - Alpay... 28 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,313 Just carry on. 29 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,597 Vedat, the US president sends our sultan a gift. 30 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,876 And the sultan thinks, "I'll send a gift back. " 31 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,034 My great-grandfather, Aziz Vefa, a member of the secret services... 32 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:16,519 ...and another public servant, Lemi Galip, from the treasury. 33 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,109 He gives them a mission. What does he say? 34 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,437 He says, "Take this gift to the president. " 35 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,513 - So they go to the palace. - The palace? 36 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,838 What do you think? They'd meet the sultan down at the waterside? 37 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,918 - So they go to the palace. - OK. Get on with it, will you? 38 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,953 I am, but learn to listen first. 39 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,357 Telling a story is just as much about being listened to. 40 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,232 Oh, right. 41 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,516 They come before the sultan. And they kiss the sultan's hands. 42 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,157 - Does the sultan kiss theirs? - Come on, man! Stop butting in. 43 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:03,710 They're presented the gift right away. What is it? Adiamond necklace. 44 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,230 And the sultan says, "It's in your hands now. " 45 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,672 "And here's 1000 bucks for the road. Confederation dollars. " 46 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,272 Well, you can't say, "Sorry, padishah. America's miles away. No can do. " 47 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,835 You have to go come hell or high water. 48 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,397 Now they've got the mission their route's a given. 49 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,592 First, the Orient Express to Paris. 50 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,950 Then a boat to London. 51 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:44,438 And then another boat across the Atlantic to America. 52 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:58,072 THE MILD WEST 53 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,512 S'il vous pla�t, madame. 54 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,115 Our honourable jerk didn't get the joke, Aziz. 55 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,471 Ask if Mr and Mrs Brown are back from the picnic. 56 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,474 Give me a break! The humour's way too subtle. 57 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,238 English peasant! 58 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,355 I'm saying we prize our village people. 59 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,400 They always say that. It's the only thing they know. 60 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,670 She says she can keep secrets. 61 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,394 Keep those secrets when we stop for a break. 62 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,750 Suppose we stop and pass a little water? 63 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,671 What the hell are you doing? 64 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,878 - What's the problem? - You can't share it round like candy! 65 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,436 - Well, you did it with that photo. - Put the damn thing back! 66 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,274 OK. Don't get so steamed up! I'm responsible for it. 67 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,033 Bandits! Keep calm. 68 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,191 Don't point that at me! 69 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,950 Listen. We'll follow the normal routine. Calm down. 70 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,111 Listen. We'll draw straws. The diamond or the money? Quick! 71 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,788 - We're in deep water, Aziz Efendi! - Draw a straw! 72 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,079 The diamond. 73 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,758 - There's armies of them, Aziz Efendi! - Stay calm. Calm down. Stay calm. 74 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,678 - I am calm! - Stay calm. 75 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,440 In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful... 76 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,790 Dear God, don't desert us! 77 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,869 We're not giving up the diamond even if it means death! 78 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,548 - Let's go, main man! - With the will of Allah... 79 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,480 I said stop the carriage, you son of a bitch! 80 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:05,110 Hey, Zeki. I got kind of lost from the mail carriage onwards. 81 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,596 Wait. Let's try this then. 82 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,994 Didn't I say stop the carriage, you fuckers? 83 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,039 Get out! Out, out, out! 84 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,198 Get out of there! Out! 85 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,395 - Come on, move it! - Oh God, Jack! No! 86 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,393 - Stop! Get off her! - Don't shout. Stand in line. 87 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,672 Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Lesh here. My crew and I are here... 88 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:47,874 ...to relieve you of certain items for the comfort of your journey. 89 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,470 You're free to shout. Any heroics and you're dead. 90 00:10:55,800 --> 00:11:00,715 The gun's antique. I put in for a new one and does anyone give a fuck? 91 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,556 Come here, asshole! Move! Get over there! 92 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,635 Lesh! Check out this chick! 93 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,116 A watch! 94 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,828 Don't take us for wasters, sir. We've come all the way from Istanbul. 95 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,712 Oh yeah? It shows. 96 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,554 I never saw kit like that even in Buffalo Bill's show. 97 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:29,749 What the hell is this? 98 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,473 Afez. I have a flute as well if you want. 99 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,079 Knock it off! 100 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,073 Don't! 101 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,509 - Lesh! - What the hell have you done? 102 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,153 - Lesh! - What the hell have you done? 103 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,032 This is unreal! 104 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,873 But we're in with Firecracker Ahmet of Highwayman Creek. Be warned! 105 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,876 Come on, let's go! I smell Indians. 106 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,679 See you! 107 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,199 - He said "Sioux". The Sioux... - No, he said "see you" as in goodbye. 108 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,393 Who the hell is Firecracker Ahmet? 109 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,592 Any time I mention the guy's name it always gets me in trouble anyhow. 110 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,268 Don't make me crazy, mon cher! The instructions are explicit. 111 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,393 In case of danger, hide the goods up your nether region. It's that clear! 112 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,228 But is that fair? Adiamond that big? 113 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,114 Hey, you think it's a turn-on stuffing 1000 dollars up my ass? 114 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,753 - I wouldn't know. - What? 115 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,797 Sir thinks his ass is too precious and I'm about to get massacred here! 116 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:44,910 Come here! 117 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,752 Open up that handkerchief. 118 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:57,954 Here. 119 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,678 Terrific! 120 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,274 There should be a saucer for this. 121 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,190 Here, that's all. 122 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,352 Are you OK? 123 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,275 At least we held on to the grand. 124 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,628 It's not the time for jokes, but the old boy's stuffed us. 125 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,635 Carry on and you're dead! We face the arrows of misfortune here. 126 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,237 Indians! 127 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,591 - Oogh! - What's "oogh"? 128 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,998 I think they use animal names. Mole-cricket... 129 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:02,831 I'm Richard Thomas. I'm at Oxford. I just spend summers with my tribe. 130 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:12,516 Look, we come from Istanbul. They say Indians are Turks, right? 131 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,315 - Kenan, is that true? - No way. Get their kit off. 132 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,431 I'll take it off myself. 133 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,396 What if I say we bear greetings from Apache Selim of Kas�mpa�a? 134 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,033 I can do it. 135 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,072 Here you go... Lemi Bey! 136 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,791 Hopefully they won't fuck us. 137 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,680 - Here you are, Kenan Bey. - Oh my God! 138 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:38,348 - Aziz, suppose we notify the consulate? - We can do that. 139 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,430 Does that thing round your neck have any particular meaning? 140 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:49,515 My mum gave it to me. She said it would keep all danger at bay. 141 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:09,557 Hello! It's an emergency, my friend. Get this wired to Istanbul right away. 142 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:16,350 - Is this an 'A'? - Can't you read or write either? 143 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,629 - Give it here. - You do it. 144 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,912 If Lucky Luke showed up now, you'd be kissing his goddamn ass. 145 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,918 Lucky Luke? Who gives a toss about him? 146 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,989 - Any telegrams for me? - Hey, my friend! Welcome. 147 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,079 Have a seat over there. Geoffrey, grab us a couple of teas! 148 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,951 After a while, a reply comes through from the palace. 149 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,389 What does it say? 150 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,999 No need to come back. Mail us the head of the officer responsible. 151 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,911 OK then. 152 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:16,396 Cut off my head and mail it. You shouldn't get grief for this. 153 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,672 I'm responsible. 154 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,632 How am I supposed to do it? 155 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,799 I don't know. 156 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,036 Strangle me with rope first. 157 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,589 Pass on my greetings to my mum. 158 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,595 Hey, America! What happened to that dream? 159 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,351 Hey, that needs a splash of water. 160 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,469 Shut up! We're in this shit together and we'll pay for it together. 161 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,433 Aziz, you'll be exiled to Timbuktu. 162 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:24,113 Just look around. We're fucking in Timbuktu! Who needs to be exiled? 163 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,240 We're not dying before we find that diamond. OK? 164 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,313 For a week or so they roam around totally broke. 165 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,638 They think about getting guns and going after the diamond thieves. 166 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,037 But then guns don't come for a kiss. And they don't have a dime. 167 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,117 Fuck off, dicko! 168 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:32,515 Then they dream up a venture or two that will feed them at least. 169 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:36,316 I say venture, but of course not the kind that needs capital. 170 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,994 Horse washing! In and out! 171 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,277 Good health to your horse! 172 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,552 Horse washing! 173 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:56,155 Having got their hands dirty in a couple of shitty ventures... 174 00:18:56,360 --> 00:19:00,797 ...Aziz Efendi gets an idea. "Why don't we do what we're good at?" 175 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,469 Now for the best-loved characters with their best-loved quirks! 176 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:14,428 - Karag�z dear, have a good Ramadan! - Clear off, nincompoop! 177 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,912 Don't be like that, Karag�z. It's the holy month of Ramadan! 178 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,635 Don't worry, gasbag Hac�! My whole family's behind you. 179 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,200 This was the hottest show in Sultanahmet last year. 180 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,992 Let's have a few laughs! 181 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,198 Sorry, it's not funny. 182 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,960 Try being open to new things. This is shadow theatre! 183 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,515 - We'd laugh if it was funny, right? - I agree. 184 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,156 OK... I'll do you Moliere next year. Moliere's 'The Miser'. 185 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,279 I did Blustering Drunkard Bekir, I did the Dwarf. 186 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:46,913 They didn't laugh at one of them! 187 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,756 - But they laughed at your lady, huh? - So? And up until then? 188 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,669 They have no sense of humour. American humour! Fuck that! 189 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,674 The jokes get lost in translation of course. 190 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,317 Give me a break! 191 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,393 Eggs... Save those. What's in that over there? 192 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:10,595 Sugar. 193 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,835 Lemons... Sugar... Lemons and sugar. 194 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:22,235 Candy! Roll up, roll up! Candy! 195 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,949 Here you go. Enjoy! 196 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,878 - Candy! - Do me one. 197 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,436 - Your wish is my command! - Wind it round this, not that! 198 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,916 - It's Ottoman candy. It might be heavy. - Shut the fuck up! 199 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,790 There's nothing they don't do to scrape together 100 dollars. 200 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:50,358 They even show cartoons on a contraption Lemi rigged up. 201 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,792 I'm talking cartoons! Walt Disney isn't around yet, nor Mickey Mouse. 202 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,829 Watch up, watch up! A love story! As real as life itself! 203 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,309 I'll tell you something, but don't get the wrong idea. 204 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,557 They find that formula. You know the one that's said to be secret? 205 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,076 - What's that? - Cola of course! 206 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,672 Liquorice, bicarbonate of soda... And the base is syrup anyway. 207 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,919 Hold it, I'm not with you. They really invent cola? 208 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,236 Sure they do, but... 209 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,593 Aziz! 210 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,833 What do you think? 211 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:31,910 Wow! Fabulous! Fabulous! Look... 212 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,873 Try it. 213 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,439 What do you reckon? 214 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,238 Exquisite! 215 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:53,393 Aziz, should I write this on the pitcher? 'Drink Cold'. 216 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,315 Forget it. Leave people alone. Let them drink it how they like. 217 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,751 Drink up, drink up! Ice-cold cola! 218 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,755 Thanks. Enjoy! Ice-cold cola! 219 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,473 Drink up, drink up! 220 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,148 If only I could afford some... It needs a drink on the side... 221 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,989 Anyone hungry? Ice-cold cola! 222 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,191 Let me get the money for that. There you go, my friend. 223 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,517 The thighs are still cooking. I'll give you a wing instead. 224 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,758 Give me change for this. 225 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:26,511 - Lf only I could afford one... - Shame on you! What's with the yelling? 226 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,030 You're a trader, right? So try yelling. The creaking wheel gets the grease. 227 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,351 We're Kentucky boys. Cut the bullshit! 228 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,836 And we're Samatya boys. You're trying to bullshit? 229 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,030 Get off me! Get off! 230 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,511 I'll get you with this bottle! 231 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:44,869 Get off! 232 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,712 Oh God! 233 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,874 So they're trying to sell chicken sandwiches in Kentucky. 234 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,117 Like they'd get away with it... The guys are in business there. 235 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,276 They'd give anyone else a chance? You recognise him? 236 00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,833 - Who do you mean? - Who do you think? 237 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,918 The guy on the logo. I'm not plugging him here. 238 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,590 For our guys it was yet another let-down. 239 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,513 A solder job and it'll be fine. 240 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,075 Redneck assholes, they won't let us do an honest day's work! 241 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:31,998 How much have we got? 242 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,390 - Around 50-55 dollars. - Hand it over. 243 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,553 I'll get a pistol and go to town with them! 244 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,116 Enough crap! I've woken up from that American dream at last! 245 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,033 Aziz Efendi, you're a wanted man. 246 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,834 I'll find that fucker Johnny Lesh and finish him off too. 247 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,589 - Aziz Efendi, you're a wanted man. - Come on! It's just luck, that's all. 248 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,519 No, not like that. You have a price on your head. 249 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:54,914 Ah! 250 00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,473 It's the spitting image! 251 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,478 - Ten dollars. Can we get that? - You bet we will! 252 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:06,628 Horse... Horse Whisper... Horse Whisperer. 253 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,552 Horse means 'at'! 254 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,354 How about this one? Johnny Lesh... 500 dollars. 255 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,469 So he's on the wanted list, the son of a bitch! 256 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,190 Let's just get that pitcher fixed. 257 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,151 Hello there, sheriff. 258 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,829 I'm Lenny the bounty hunter. 259 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,590 - I want 10 dollars for the cowboy. - Which cowboy? 260 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,552 - The horse-fu**ing cowboy. - What are you talking about? 261 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:49,274 - You know, the horse whisperer. - You sick bastard! You pervert, you! 262 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,550 But I didn't do a thing. The horse started it. 263 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,150 Sheriff, it's your job to put perverts like this behind bars. 264 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:57,237 Lou, lock up the animal. 265 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,474 He should be kept away from stables a while, asshole! 266 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:04,912 Here, your 10 dollars. 267 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,871 This is peanuts. I'm really after Johnny Lesh. 268 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:13,876 Johnny Lesh? Are you kidding? I'd retire if I found him. 269 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,753 Here. 500 dollars. 270 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,397 - Would you care for some cola? - Cola? It's a drink? 271 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:32,869 Here you go, sheriff. 272 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,719 Won't you have some too? 273 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:43,513 Whoa! 274 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,559 Sheriff Cheko? 275 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:32,831 Here, Timothy the horse thief. 276 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,196 Timothy the horse thief, huh? 277 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:38,473 How old are you? 278 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,391 Open your mouth! Open up! 279 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,956 - He's not worth a red cent. - Twenty dollars! 280 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:51,795 Ten dollars. 281 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,675 I hate horse thieves, Timothy. 282 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,316 - OK, 10 dollars, 10 dollars. - It's a deal? 283 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,193 Lock him up! 284 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,388 Sheriff, would you care for a cola? 285 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:10,953 Cola? 286 00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,032 Go on then. 287 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:14,879 Whoops! 288 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:20,353 You? 289 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:24,954 It's ice-cold. 290 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,758 May it work its wonders. 291 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,793 Johnny Lesh... 900 dollars. 292 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,233 He goes up faster than the dollar, son of a bitch. 293 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,156 Psst, listen. Put 100 dollars, not some piddling amount. 294 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,910 We'll say he robbed a train. 295 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,268 - Aziz Efendi, what about the name? - What name? 296 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,988 Get writing. 'Jack Daniel'. It's our last job anyway. 297 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,118 Tomorrow we're on the train to White Lake. 298 00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,828 - Jack... ... Daniel. 299 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:25,512 Daniel. Train robber Jack. 300 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,276 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. 301 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:37,878 Almighty God, have mercy on the soul of Thy departed servant. 302 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,755 And let us, who mourn him, pray for his soul. 303 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,829 Lord, protect and watch over him. Amen. 304 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,998 Take it easy there! May God forgive his sins, brother. 305 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,191 Father, not brother. 306 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,234 We're after the sheriff actually. 307 00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,795 I'm Sheriff Murphy. 308 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,878 Sheriff, I've brought you train robber Jack. 309 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,152 - Train robber Jack? - Train robber Jack. 310 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,749 - Train robber Jack... - Aha. 311 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,756 You hear that, Jack? The guys says he's caught you! 312 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,076 God damn you! Just get this over with! 313 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,191 - That's train robber Jack? - Just our fucking luck! 314 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,789 - The train robber was your idea. - And whose idea was Jack Daniel? 315 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,275 It was me who laughed at 'train robber Jack', was it? 316 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,040 Sheriff, allow me to offer you a cola. 317 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:29,952 Wait! There's carbon dioxide inside! Carbon dioxide! Agh! Oh my God! 318 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,278 Roll them in tar and feathers and lock them up! 319 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,471 Come here! Get moving! 320 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:48,035 Relieve yourselves in this pot. Don't get bird shit everywhere. 321 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,434 - Are you wearing that talisman? - Yes. 322 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,995 The one that keeps away danger? 323 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,118 Gambling, was it? 324 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:03,558 God give me patience... 325 00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:07,719 This is the calm before the storm. There are greater things to come... 326 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,237 Man, does there have to be one of you in every jail? 327 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,719 Johnny Lesh! 328 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:32,797 Who'd have thought a gunslinger like him would land up here? 329 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,233 - There goes our 1000 dollars. - That's bullshit! 330 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,795 The diamond's come back by itself. 331 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,595 Friend... Can I have that if you're not eating it? 332 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,350 Get to work! Come on! 333 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,316 Get to work! 334 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,798 If they left us alone for a second I'd smash his face in. 335 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:23,558 But they're always looking. 336 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,877 Calm down. We'll follow the routine. There's no rush. 337 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:31,189 This is the calm before the storm. It doesn't bode well. 338 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,154 Get out of here! Clear off! 339 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,557 Hey, chickens! Water! 340 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,518 You mentioned the routine, right? What do we do? 341 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,712 Don't rush things. More haste, less speed. 342 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,714 Slow and steady wins the race. Listen. 343 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,033 - Lemi! - Aziz Efendi! 344 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,153 That was some hail of bullets! 345 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,076 It's so dark in there. 346 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,591 Water, anyone? 347 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:06,517 - I guess not. - Lesh. Lesh! 348 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,070 Lesh, don't die! You can't die yet! Wait! 349 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,111 Where's the diamond? Tell us where the diamond is. 350 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,436 - Out with it! - Where's the diamond? 351 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,074 - Bea... - Bill... Give him some water. 352 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,714 What's bill? Bill? What's bill? Pacos Bill? 353 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:20,871 - Buffalo Bill! - Come on, bill what? 354 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,991 - Akbil travel cards? - Bill? 355 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,277 Bea... Ts me. 356 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,478 Asshole, I'll kill you! You can't die! I'll kill you! 357 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,398 - Cannon... - Bill Cannon? Bill Cannon? 358 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,353 - Cannon? Cannon? - Cannon... Ball... 359 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,790 Cannonball. What's Cannonball? Local or import? 360 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,911 - Siii... - Say the first bit! The first bit! 361 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,350 Sii-ouux... 362 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,312 Sioux! He said Sioux! The Sioux! 363 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:47,479 No, man! It was "see you", like "I'm dead. " It was "see you"! 364 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,635 He timed that death so badly. 365 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,719 Ah, poor thing! His horse is all sad. 366 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,276 - Horses are such sensitive animals. - Right. 367 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:09,798 Aziz Efendi? 368 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,753 You're Johnny Lesh. You broke jail. You're worth 2000 dollars. 369 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:19,555 OK. 370 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,079 Here. 371 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:22,555 Agh! 372 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:26,794 This is the calm before the storm. There are greater things to come. 373 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:29,708 I'm knocking him off. 374 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,435 Let's see what Cannonball is all about then... 375 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:22,671 I'd never have imagined this. Galatasaray High School, Robert College... 376 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,075 ...four years' training at the finance ministry... 377 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:26,679 ...and look at me now. 378 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,916 Well, put it in your memoirs. 379 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,278 We only had to deliver the diamond, be wined and dined and get back. 380 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:36,553 But we've been in shit the whole way. Look, I still have fluff in my mouth. 381 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:41,154 So I need to reconsider my admiration for the west. 382 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,399 My dear friend, why do you make such a big thing about the west? 383 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,239 100 years ago Versailles Palace had no toilets. 384 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:48,953 The king shat straight on the floor. 385 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,357 The waltz was only invented so people didn't step in shit. 386 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,314 They always say that. So what went wrong after that? 387 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,432 Well, the printing press didn't get to us till late, and so on... 388 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:01,515 - What's going on? - Get off, get off! 389 00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:03,473 - Whoa! - Whoa! 390 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:05,028 Whoa! 391 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,239 Keep calm. 392 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:30,796 - Is that really a woman? - Sure. 393 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,560 Watch where she's firing. You can tell from that. 394 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,997 Aziz Efendi, what's going on? I sense a new admiration for the west. 395 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,395 The thing is to take on the good things about the west. 396 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,558 Hey, take off those guns. Remember, you're a captive. 397 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:46,313 Glasses! 398 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:54,068 Hello there, pretty lady! We loved watching your target practice. 399 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:56,269 Really? 400 00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,592 But watching the Suzan Van Dyke show doesn't come for free. 401 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,268 Toss over some change. 402 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,837 We're clean out of money. How about a coffee instead? 403 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,758 Coffee, huh? 404 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:12,794 - Suzan Van Dyke. - Aziz Vef... Zozo the Kid. Three words. 405 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,876 The coffee's with the horses. Let me run off and get it right now. 406 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,629 - She's like a man! A real turn-off. - I'd lay her for what it's worth. 407 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:26,390 The coffee foam is fine, your marksmanship divine... 408 00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:27,919 Thanks. 409 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,351 I've been into it since I was 3. I did 5 years in Buffalo Bill's Show. 410 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:36,190 Shooting, lassos, cooking, trickshot... Then I did some time at a hotel. 411 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,871 Van Dyke... 412 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,153 What brute of a cowboy puts you to work like this? 413 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,270 What cowboy? There is no cowboy. 414 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:54,513 Did you drop this by any chance? 415 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:56,155 Yes. 416 00:37:58,560 --> 00:37:59,629 Lesbo... 417 00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:03,748 - Someone important, I guess. - Right... Someone I love. 418 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,715 So which way are you heading? 419 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,834 Well, I'm a bounty hunter, on my way to turn in Johnny Lesh. 420 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,673 - Goddamn it! What are you saying? - What is this? Hold it! 421 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:18,190 - Johnny Lesh! Finally. You, huh? - No! Aziz, tell her! 422 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,391 - Suzan, please... - Wait, Miss Suzan! 423 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:24,559 Out of the way or I'll kill you too! No, stay right there! 424 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:28,275 Wait! No! He's not Johnny Lesh! It's a lie! We're Ottomans! 425 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:33,235 - He's a fake! To get the reward! - Really I'm not him, or American even. 426 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,830 I'm Ottoman. An Istanbul boy. I speak four languages. 427 00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:41,352 - Ottoman? - Ottoman. You know, the palace, music... 428 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,353 Folk plays... The harem... 429 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,597 - �bi� sweetie, we have guests coming. - Fine, but coming to see me? 430 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:53,509 - Great food, stuffed leaves, lamb stews... - Stuffed eggplant... 431 00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:56,359 The Hippodrome, Sultanahmet, Ramadan festivities... 432 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:57,788 Look, the lights between minarets! 433 00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,150 - Lf only we had them here! - Sultan of the 11 months... 434 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:04,273 Lords and ladies, let's repair to the river for drinks... 435 00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:06,471 We'll pull those oars and have a merry time. 436 00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,069 An old mansion... The fire brigade... Afire... 437 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,478 - Guard, where's the fire? - In my heart! In my heart! 438 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:17,231 - The gangsters of Galata, Tophane... - I killed my mother and my father! 439 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,830 - Do the Arab maid. - What does young madam fancy tonight? 440 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:22,439 Not like that. Make it more nasal. 441 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,438 Young madam, I haven't cooked a thing and the larder's empty. 442 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,073 Isn't that a bit fierce? 443 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,589 Some soot on my face and I'd be the perfect Arab maid! 444 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:31,791 A headscarf would do the trick too. 445 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,118 Ah! Lokum... Turkish delight! Lokum! 446 00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,869 I didn't get the Arab maid, but lokum makes sense. 447 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,196 - Here you go. - Turkish delight... 448 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,074 - Lokum originates from us after all. - Hmmm... 449 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,273 - You believe I'm not Johnny Lesh, right? - I believe you. 450 00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:50,229 Miss Suzan, we have another thing. If a gun is pulled, it has to fire. 451 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:51,555 Oh, right. 452 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,237 It's nothing. Just a graze. Get up, get up. 453 00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,275 Hang on in there, Aziz Efendi. 454 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:06,237 Agh! 455 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:10,559 - Aggh! - OK, OK. Keep still. OK. 456 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,239 Is that alcohol? 457 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,398 Agh! Oh God! 458 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:20,395 - So Lesh is dead, huh? - Yes. We saw for ourselves. 459 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,558 Aziz Efendi buried the body with his own hands. 460 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:28,112 I wish I'd killed him myself. Johnny Lesh murdered my mother. 461 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,355 My mother... Mary Lou. 462 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,271 Ohh! Agh! Ugh! 463 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:40,476 - God! - Pass that over. 464 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,600 Johnny Lesh shafted us too. 465 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,551 We'd arrived with the sultan's gift. Something worth thousands. 466 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,798 We're in the mail coach. And suddenly, bandits! 467 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,959 It's, "Stop the carriage, you son of a bitch!" 468 00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:02,598 Aziz Efendi panics, I'm brave as can be. 469 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,917 - We draw straws and... - Skip the details, asshole! 470 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:10,115 My idea was to make Lemi Johnny Lesh, turn him in and get back 2000 dollars. 471 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:14,275 You should cross the river. Lesh is too well-known this side. 472 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,591 I'd say go to Cannonball. 473 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,151 - Cannonball? - Cannonball... See you... 474 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:22,588 Ah! 475 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,838 You'd get 2000 dollars for Lesh there. The sheriff's a jerk. 476 00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,393 Hurrah! 477 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:31,589 Right... But I get 1000 of that. 478 00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:33,748 That's fine. 479 00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,028 Hey, it's a photo of her mum. Gossip monger! 480 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:39,913 You know they say hearsay is half lies? 481 00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,917 And you let her have 1000 dollars just like that. 482 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:43,951 I'd give my life for her. 483 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,031 She's like a man. Not my type. 484 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:49,835 Yeah, right. Check out that back. Just like our street porter, Hasan. 485 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:53,269 Ahem... 486 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:57,390 Listen, which hand do you use to write your memoirs? 487 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:02,516 Good. Let me tie up those hands so I get a decent night's sleep. 488 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:05,995 - Don't you have any trust left? - No. 489 00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,159 Hey! I expect you at evening prayer. Got it? Don't drive me mental! 490 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,635 Here, stick this gun out of the way. 491 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:07,796 If it's not keeping law and order... 492 00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:11,996 ...it's priest duties at the church. 493 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:16,319 I don't have five minutes to sit down. I'm just back from a funeral. 494 00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,752 Chuck, run over to the church with some candles. 495 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,837 The assholes keep nicking them. 496 00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:23,798 Yes, welcome. 497 00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,071 - Sheriff Lloyd? - That's me. 498 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,028 We've come to pick up a reward. 499 00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:33,028 How about a whisky first? My own home-brew. 500 00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:36,995 Or... Chuck! Run over and get us some ice-cold cola! 501 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:39,880 - Cola? - Yes. It's new. 502 00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,794 You know how it tastes? Awesome! 503 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:47,757 They've bottled the stuff. 504 00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,391 It's a total rip-off. 505 00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,316 Anyway, sheriff. Let's talk business. 506 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,835 We've brought you Johnny Lesh. 507 00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,073 Johnny Lesh... 508 00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:15,277 Is this for real? You're not kidding, right? 509 00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:20,633 - Chuck, you hear that? Johnny Lesh... - When do we get the money? 510 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:26,718 The money? What goddamn money? Are you insane, man? 511 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,391 On a day like this, at a time like this... 512 00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:35,879 ...at a moment when we most need to join forces and stand together... 513 00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:39,755 ...you're asking me to lock up a hero like Johnny Lesh? 514 00:44:40,240 --> 00:44:43,755 I sent a message with the Fargos' boy. You got it, right? 515 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:44,790 What's going on? 516 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,833 Sheriff, you're breaking the law. We demand the reward right now! 517 00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:52,670 To hell with your reward! The money's with me. Don't worry. 518 00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:56,715 But I can't lock up Johnny Lesh. 519 00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,395 The Sioux have fucked us over. 520 00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:01,675 Look! 521 00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,159 - Ugh! They scalped him! - Right... Not long ago. 522 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:09,315 It only happened yesterday. They wreak havoc on a regular basis. 523 00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:11,075 Have a seat. 524 00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:16,314 Look, if anyone can deal with this, it's Johnny Lesh. 525 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,679 You're white too. You should have some sympathy. 526 00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:20,836 Chuck! 527 00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,235 Hey, don't high-five me every time I say your name, hick! 528 00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:24,589 Run and tell the hotel... 529 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:28,315 ...Johnny Lesh is on his way with our bounty hunter guests. 530 00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:30,154 There we go! 531 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,959 Come with me, my man. 532 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:36,390 Sheriff! 533 00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:38,474 Macaulay! 534 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,956 Take Johnny Lesh to the hotel. 535 00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,231 Give him a good wash inside and out. 536 00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:45,835 Sure, sheriff. This way! 537 00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:49,430 - Don't say he's forgetting the reward. - Not so fast. We'll talk. 538 00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:54,958 Isn't the lady coming to the hotel? Please! Make yourself at home. 539 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,039 I could do with a hot bath. 540 00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,354 I'm getting my 1000 dollars, like it or not. 541 00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:07,194 OK, OK. She seems like a go-getting type. 542 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,320 Right, she's a go-getter, but will we get that reward? 543 00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,193 Sure you will. Don't fret. 544 00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:17,837 Have some respect for this star. Don't fret about the reward shit. 545 00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,471 Once we wipe out those Sioux the rest is easy. 546 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,196 You seem like a heavy-hitting hero. 547 00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,511 - With help from Allah... - What? 548 00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:29,280 - I mean, yes, I am. - Forget that. 549 00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,795 The cowboy days are over. 550 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:37,118 Today you get young boys sticking feathers in their heads... 551 00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:41,279 ...making whooping noises and playing Indians all day. 552 00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:45,435 That's kids for you. What do they know about enemies? 553 00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,952 Try talking sense to an Indian. You'd never get anywhere. 554 00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:52,038 Those freaks talk to rivers, mountains and rocks. 555 00:46:52,240 --> 00:46:55,277 - It must be the firewater. - Just the firewater? 556 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,757 There's peace pipes, mushrooms, and a pile of other shit. 557 00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,469 But they're finished. Almost. 558 00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,513 They have maybe half an acre of land left around here. 559 00:47:04,720 --> 00:47:07,678 I'll wipe out the lot of them soon enough. 560 00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:12,192 - Hey! Go play somewhere else! - That's my second wife. Betty. 561 00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,630 - Welcome, cowboy! - My respects... 562 00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,110 - Will you be staying a while? - Well... 563 00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:19,312 Mind your own business! 564 00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:23,595 - Come to evening prayer if you like. - We've had the evening call to prayer? 565 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:25,269 What? 566 00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,354 Well, with a gammy leg... 567 00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:43,319 Come on in. 568 00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,275 It's not a church to write home about. 569 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:53,077 But it's fine as a place to perform religious duties. 570 00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:58,355 Hey, don't take those boots off. The assholes will nick them. 571 00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:02,876 Divide religion and state, sheriff, or the work will wear you out. 572 00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,038 Public service. What can I do? There's no choice. 573 00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:09,869 - Come on! Aren't the floors done yet? - But hasn't slavery been abolished? 574 00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:13,152 You can't abolish slavery overnight for God's sake! 575 00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:17,035 Slowly but surely. Get up, you! 576 00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:23,310 If he sang a gospel song, he'd have you in tears, you know. 577 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:28,515 Go on, get your robes on. And make that voice soulful, huh! 578 00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,913 Psst! Don't let him walk all over you. 579 00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:35,755 - Here's our confession box. - So the confessions come out, huh? 580 00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,872 Well, they'll do... 581 00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:44,956 What are you doing in there? Get out, dickhead! Get out! 582 00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,878 That's my oldest kid... Eugene. 583 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:52,119 I should have shagged anything but his mother. 584 00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,390 Leave him alone, sheriff! He's having a spiritual moment. 585 00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:57,160 Spiritual, huh? He's off his head from that homebrew whisky. 586 00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:00,432 - His friends call him Johnnie Walker. - Johnnie Walker? 587 00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,358 Aha... Hey, say hello to the guy! 588 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:03,709 - Hello. - Hello. 589 00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:07,037 Don't get the wrong idea. This woman... I was hearing her confession. 590 00:49:07,240 --> 00:49:08,798 I'd just finished when you turned up. 591 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:12,390 - Welcome... Got a smoke? - No smokes, no. 592 00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:15,791 - He should give me a smoke. No smokes... - Ah! Here, a mirror! 593 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,310 When one crazy meets another he's as mild as milk, they say. 594 00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:22,353 Good for that mirror. It'll keep him busy for hours. 595 00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:26,155 Here's a picture of my mum. You can keep it. 596 00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,711 Where did you find that? Get out of here! Quick march! 597 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:31,959 Get marching! 598 00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:34,799 That's my boy! Let's see the arms too! 599 00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:38,029 Swing those arms too! 600 00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,513 Sheriff, what's the story with you and Johnny Lesh? 601 00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:52,072 Johnny Lesh robbed a mail coach last month. 602 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:55,756 He lifted a diamond as big as your fist. 603 00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:59,555 But the Sioux ambushed him in a canyon and grabbed the diamond. 604 00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:03,152 Now if you tell him where those Sioux are... 605 00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,555 ...Johnny Lesh will do them in. 606 00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:08,639 And we'll be rid of the feathered jerks. 607 00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:12,516 Don't fret over that reward. Two grand is a drop in the ocean. 608 00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:16,269 Give us a hand with this and keep quiet about it. 609 00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,309 - So the Sioux have the diamond? - I swear by Allah. 610 00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:23,519 - By Allah? - Well, just a slip of the tongue. 611 00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:29,679 - Lemi! - Excuse me! 612 00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:31,916 The Sioux have the diamond. The Sioux! 613 00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:35,237 The sheriff has a proposition for you. He said to meet in the saloon tonight. 614 00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:36,714 - Saloon? - That's what he said. 615 00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:38,035 Whoa! 616 00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:45,155 Well, I'm after the diamond. I haven't got a word out of her. 617 00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:46,953 It's been a total waste of time. 618 00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:49,549 Great... Great. Good for you. 619 00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:53,990 Speak! Speak! Where's the diamond? 620 00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,310 Come on in. Welcome! 621 00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:11,238 Now let's find somewhere to sit. 622 00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:16,559 Get up from that table! Fat ass! 623 00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:18,757 You can't afford that table! 624 00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,793 Murdoch of the Fidas is sitting there. There you go. 625 00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:23,558 Good luck. 626 00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:27,634 Here, my dear friend. Welcome! 627 00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,516 Whisky over here! 628 00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,236 Good luck. I'll be right back. 629 00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:40,993 Hey, didn't I tell you no under-18s in this place? 630 00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,550 Stetsoned fucker! 631 00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:49,870 Chuck! Throw him out! 632 00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:53,311 We don't want a fight yet. There's still time for that. 633 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:56,877 Hey, Johnnie! What are you doing here? 634 00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:59,992 - Dad wants a Johnnie. - Let's have it then. 635 00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:05,389 Come on! Knock it back. What's up? You're wasted? 636 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:10,435 Suzan, I drank like this as a kid. It's also nice you're joining me. 637 00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:15,558 But you're not watching the cancan dancers. 638 00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,399 They hired a belly dancer for my circumcision party. 639 00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:20,909 And I haven't been able to look at one since. 640 00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:22,792 Good evening to you! 641 00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,753 - No Johnny Lesh? - He'll be here in a while. 642 00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:29,712 Busy pumping, is he? 643 00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:32,958 I told him the story. He's interested. 644 00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:36,357 We'll set off tomorrow. But we need all the Indian gear. 645 00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:38,319 We'll arrange that. 646 00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:40,875 Whoa! 647 00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:47,398 Come on in, Casanova. Have a seat. 648 00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,439 - She was asking about the post office. - Sure she was. 649 00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:54,599 Don't fret... Everything you want will be taken care of. 650 00:52:54,880 --> 00:53:00,318 Once we've taken out the Sioux chief it'll be curtains for those shits here. 651 00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:05,431 Besides, let the bastards learn the price of screwing Johnny Lesh, huh? 652 00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,633 We'll set out tomorrow at dawn, Zozo the Kid too. 653 00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:10,590 Three cheers! 654 00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:14,918 I'm not thrilled by the idea of messing with the Sioux, but anyway... 655 00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:22,277 - Be honest. Were you pumping just now? - Sheriff! 656 00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,757 You just spoke like that in front of a lady. Don't! 657 00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:29,477 What's wrong? She has more of a moustache than me. 658 00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:31,511 Shh! 659 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:39,519 What's wrong, Suzan? 660 00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:46,308 Suzan, that diamond's crucial for us. Our lives depend on it. 661 00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:48,710 We have to leave tomorrow morning. 662 00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,949 Don't come if you don't want... But it would really help if you did. 663 00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:59,952 - They said I had a moustache. I heard! - Look, I have one too. So what? 664 00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:03,711 - They just don't see your beauty. - Yeah, right. Sure. 665 00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:08,355 There's an art to seeing beauty, Suzan. Some people look and don't see it. 666 00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:11,951 And it isn't where you look that matters... 667 00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,629 ...it's what you see there. 668 00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,079 See you tomorrow. 669 00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:36,914 - Come inside, cowboy. - I'm no cowboy, wench! 670 00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:42,319 Move! 671 00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:44,912 Go on, move! 672 00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:48,793 Wow! Terrific story! 673 00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,435 - So the Sioux got the diamond? - Right. 674 00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:52,390 Wow... 675 00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:55,558 You know, I can't wait to see how you bring the boots into it. 676 00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,911 Well, the boots belong to Johnny Lesh, don't they? 677 00:54:59,240 --> 00:55:01,515 No. What's he got to do with them? 678 00:55:01,720 --> 00:55:04,951 - Listen. These guys... - Hey, Zeki. How about a break? 679 00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:06,559 - I need a piss. - Sure. 680 00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:10,150 Me too, if you'll excuse me. 681 00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:17,515 Hey! How's it going? 682 00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:19,952 Terrific! 683 00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:23,949 - Hand over that cappuccino. - Wait. Let me fix this mouthpiece. 684 00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:26,398 - Fuck! - What's up? 685 00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:29,752 I dropped it... OK, 10-minute break while I look for it. 686 00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:56,236 - Yakari! - Yakari? 687 00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:02,839 Hamle ba Yakari! Haride Yakari! Tannare Yakari! 688 00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:07,232 Hanyere had Yakari! Kam le Yakari! Koppe Yakari! 689 00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:12,276 Aziz Efendi, I'm using my intuition... Greetings, Iron Leg! 690 00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:20,117 - Hello, Eagle Eye! - Are you taking the piss? 691 00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:24,718 - Well, Unwanted Hair of the Cherokees... - The Cherokees? 692 00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,437 The Grand Cherokees... My friends Pajero and Pontiac. 693 00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:30,312 We bring greetings to the chief. 694 00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:02,596 Beat that! Let's see your cards. 695 00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:04,678 Hello, chief!