1 00:01:03,686 --> 00:01:06,052 Ah, there it is. My house. 2 00:01:06,956 --> 00:01:10,357 And good old Cleveland Street. How could I ever forget it? 3 00:01:11,026 --> 00:01:13,927 And there I am, with that dumb round face and... 4 00:01:13,996 --> 00:01:15,827 that stupid stocking cap. 5 00:01:16,665 --> 00:01:19,634 But no matter. Christmas was on its way. 6 00:01:19,935 --> 00:01:22,733 Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas... 7 00:01:23,072 --> 00:01:25,666 around which the entire kid year revolved. 8 00:01:49,498 --> 00:01:53,298 Downtown Hohman was prepared for its yearly bacchanalia of... 9 00:01:53,435 --> 00:01:56,029 peace on earth and good will to men. 10 00:02:45,988 --> 00:02:49,685 Higbees' corner window was traditionally a high-water mark... 11 00:02:49,758 --> 00:02:51,749 of the pre-Christmas season. 12 00:02:53,028 --> 00:02:57,328 First nighters, packed earmuff to earmuff, jostled in wonderment... 13 00:02:57,866 --> 00:03:01,233 before a golden tinkling display... 14 00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:04,698 of mechanized, electronic joy. 15 00:03:49,284 --> 00:03:51,081 Wow, there it is. 16 00:03:52,154 --> 00:03:54,588 The holy grail of Christmas gifts. 17 00:03:54,656 --> 00:03:57,557 The Red Ryder 200-shot range model... 18 00:03:57,626 --> 00:03:58,786 air rifle. 19 00:03:59,695 --> 00:04:01,663 And there he is. 20 00:04:02,164 --> 00:04:03,654 Red Ryder himself. 21 00:04:04,099 --> 00:04:08,399 In his hand was the knurled stock of as coolly deadly-looking... 22 00:04:08,470 --> 00:04:12,463 a piece of weaponry as ever I had laid eyes on. 23 00:04:17,179 --> 00:04:21,172 For weeks, I had been scheming to get my mitts on one of these... 24 00:04:21,283 --> 00:04:23,979 fearsome blue-steel beauties. 25 00:04:24,186 --> 00:04:28,418 My fevered brain seethed with the effort of trying to come up with... 26 00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:32,358 the infinitely subtle devices necessary to implant... 27 00:04:32,428 --> 00:04:35,625 the Red Ryder range model air rifle indelibly... 28 00:04:35,931 --> 00:04:38,297 into my parents' subconscious. 29 00:04:38,567 --> 00:04:39,534 Ralphie! 30 00:04:40,069 --> 00:04:41,036 Randy! 31 00:04:41,203 --> 00:04:43,034 Down here in two minutes! 32 00:04:43,439 --> 00:04:45,407 And I mean two minutes! 33 00:04:45,474 --> 00:04:47,942 Come on, Ralphie. I got here first! 34 00:04:54,216 --> 00:04:55,581 Cut it out. 35 00:05:21,343 --> 00:05:24,574 My mother, grabbing for her copy of Look magazine... 36 00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:29,280 would find herself cleverly trapped into reading a Red Ryder sales pitch. 37 00:05:32,121 --> 00:05:34,521 They traded Bullfrog. I don't believe it. 38 00:05:35,157 --> 00:05:36,317 What's that? 39 00:05:36,825 --> 00:05:39,623 Well, for Christ's sake, the Sox traded Bullfrog... 40 00:05:39,695 --> 00:05:41,822 the only player they've got, for Shottenhoffer. 41 00:05:41,964 --> 00:05:44,524 "Four Eyes" Shottenhoffer, a utility infielder. 42 00:05:44,766 --> 00:05:47,758 Got a whole goddamned team of utility infielders. 43 00:05:47,836 --> 00:05:49,235 That's nice. 44 00:05:49,404 --> 00:05:51,304 Ralphie, on the double! 45 00:05:52,941 --> 00:05:55,171 Did you hear about this guy who swallowed a yo-yo? 46 00:05:55,277 --> 00:05:57,939 - Swallowed a yo-yo? - On a bet. 47 00:05:58,013 --> 00:06:00,538 Some clodhopper down in Griffith, Indiana. 48 00:06:01,884 --> 00:06:04,614 They write the silliest things in the newspapers. 49 00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:07,648 What do you mean, silly? I mean that's real news. 50 00:06:07,756 --> 00:06:09,849 That's not like that politics slop. 51 00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:15,623 What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse? 52 00:06:16,331 --> 00:06:18,128 Victor. His name is Victor. 53 00:06:18,534 --> 00:06:21,526 - How the hell did you know that? - Everybody knows that. 54 00:06:23,205 --> 00:06:25,833 That's another one of your silly puzzles? 55 00:06:26,041 --> 00:06:28,373 Yeah, it's another one of our silly puzzles. 56 00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:31,810 Could be worth $50,000. 57 00:06:32,948 --> 00:06:34,711 What kind is it this time? 58 00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:38,278 Name the great characters in American literature. 59 00:06:39,054 --> 00:06:42,512 Victor? The Lone Ranger's nephew's horse? 60 00:06:42,758 --> 00:06:46,023 Meanwhile, I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint. 61 00:06:46,094 --> 00:06:47,527 It had to be firm, but subtle. 62 00:06:47,763 --> 00:06:50,789 Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski's candy store. 63 00:06:56,705 --> 00:07:00,539 They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. 64 00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:05,376 I could tell that I was in imminent danger of over-playing my hand. 65 00:07:06,215 --> 00:07:08,115 Casually, I switched tactics. 66 00:07:08,784 --> 00:07:09,876 Hey, Dad! 67 00:07:11,186 --> 00:07:14,451 I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas. 68 00:07:15,991 --> 00:07:17,322 A new furnace. 69 00:07:19,161 --> 00:07:20,719 That's a good one, Dad. 70 00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:25,361 My old man was one of the most feared furnace-fighters... 71 00:07:25,434 --> 00:07:27,197 in northern Indiana. 72 00:07:27,569 --> 00:07:30,299 Hurry up, you're going to be late for school. 73 00:07:30,606 --> 00:07:32,972 Yeah. I'm running late already. 74 00:07:33,242 --> 00:07:34,766 Round one was over. 75 00:07:35,644 --> 00:07:36,770 Parents, one. 76 00:07:36,912 --> 00:07:37,970 Kids, zip. 77 00:07:39,514 --> 00:07:42,381 I could feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten. 78 00:07:42,718 --> 00:07:45,687 Maybe what happened next was inevitable. 79 00:07:45,754 --> 00:07:48,348 Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas? 80 00:07:48,490 --> 00:07:50,685 Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out. 81 00:07:50,792 --> 00:07:54,819 I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range model air rifle. 82 00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:57,998 No. Shoot your eye out. 83 00:07:58,066 --> 00:08:01,832 Oh, no! It was the classic mother-BB gun block. 84 00:08:02,271 --> 00:08:03,795 "You'll shoot your eye out." 85 00:08:04,039 --> 00:08:07,668 That deadly phrase uttered many times before by hundreds... 86 00:08:07,776 --> 00:08:09,744 of mothers was not surmountable... 87 00:08:09,811 --> 00:08:11,836 by any means known to kid-dom. 88 00:08:12,014 --> 00:08:15,814 But such was my mania, my desire for a Red Ryder carbine... 89 00:08:15,917 --> 00:08:19,182 that I immediately began to rebuild the dike. 90 00:08:20,289 --> 00:08:23,383 I was just kidding. Even though Flick is getting one. 91 00:08:24,059 --> 00:08:25,492 I'd just like some Tinkertoys. 92 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,120 I couldn't believe my own ears. Tinkertoys? 93 00:08:28,263 --> 00:08:29,662 She'd never buy it. 94 00:08:30,098 --> 00:08:31,929 BB guns are dangerous. 95 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,592 I don't want anyone shooting his eye out. 96 00:08:39,474 --> 00:08:43,308 Randy, will you eat? There are starving people in China. 97 00:08:52,754 --> 00:08:55,416 Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders... 98 00:08:55,590 --> 00:08:57,581 burrowing through the snow toward the kitchen... 99 00:08:57,659 --> 00:09:01,186 where only you, and you alone, stand between your tiny... 100 00:09:01,363 --> 00:09:04,093 huddled family and insensate evil. 101 00:09:11,973 --> 00:09:15,204 Save us, Ralphie! I just knew those bad guys... 102 00:09:15,277 --> 00:09:17,711 would be coming for us in the end! 103 00:09:18,613 --> 00:09:21,844 Don't worry, Dad. As long as I got Ol' Blue... 104 00:09:26,521 --> 00:09:27,954 What've we got here, folks? 105 00:09:28,023 --> 00:09:30,958 Well, we figure it's Black Bart, Ralph. 106 00:09:31,326 --> 00:09:33,590 Well, just me and my trusty old... 107 00:09:33,695 --> 00:09:37,392 Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle. 108 00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:40,459 Lucky I've got a compass in the stock. 109 00:09:40,702 --> 00:09:42,932 Well, I think I better have a look here. 110 00:09:56,885 --> 00:09:58,045 Oh, no! 111 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,818 It's Ol' Blue! 112 00:10:01,123 --> 00:10:02,522 Oh, no! 113 00:10:03,325 --> 00:10:04,917 Cheese it, boys! 114 00:10:17,005 --> 00:10:20,702 There's another one! He's a dead-eye, ain't he? 115 00:10:27,916 --> 00:10:29,474 Okay, Ralphie! 116 00:10:29,551 --> 00:10:32,645 You win this time, but we'll be back! 117 00:10:37,659 --> 00:10:39,058 Adi�s, Bart. 118 00:10:39,761 --> 00:10:43,424 But if you do come back, you'll be pushing up daisies! 119 00:10:48,370 --> 00:10:49,837 And don't you forget it! 120 00:10:49,905 --> 00:10:51,463 Well, son, you saved us! 121 00:10:51,540 --> 00:10:54,566 We were goners for sure! And you saved us! 122 00:11:03,051 --> 00:11:04,416 Oldsmobile! 123 00:11:04,820 --> 00:11:06,344 A pile of junk! 124 00:11:07,589 --> 00:11:09,784 That goddamned Olds is froze up again! 125 00:11:09,858 --> 00:11:14,659 Some men are Baptists, others Catholics. My father was an Oldsmobile man. 126 00:11:14,963 --> 00:11:19,024 That son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the Equator! 127 00:11:19,401 --> 00:11:22,063 - Little pitchers... - Hold it! 128 00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:36,974 It's a clinker! 129 00:11:38,787 --> 00:11:40,914 That blasted, stupid furnace. 130 00:11:40,989 --> 00:11:42,320 Dadgummit! 131 00:11:47,562 --> 00:11:49,052 Damn skates! 132 00:11:51,967 --> 00:11:54,162 For Christ's sake, open up the damper, will you? 133 00:11:54,236 --> 00:11:56,932 Who the hell turned it all the way down again? 134 00:11:57,906 --> 00:11:58,930 Blasted! 135 00:12:08,583 --> 00:12:13,316 In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity... 136 00:12:13,555 --> 00:12:17,924 that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan. 137 00:12:29,337 --> 00:12:31,737 Preparing to go to school was like getting ready... 138 00:12:31,806 --> 00:12:34,274 for extended deep-sea diving. 139 00:12:53,762 --> 00:12:57,664 - Come on, Mom, we're going to be late! - Just wait, Ralph! 140 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:01,460 My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop. 141 00:13:01,536 --> 00:13:02,332 What? 142 00:13:03,538 --> 00:13:04,368 What is it? 143 00:13:05,340 --> 00:13:07,001 What is it? 144 00:13:10,979 --> 00:13:14,278 - What is it? - I can't put my arms down! 145 00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:28,420 Well, put your arms down when you get to school. 146 00:13:58,393 --> 00:13:59,883 Hey, Flick! Wait up. 147 00:14:00,028 --> 00:14:01,256 Wait up! 148 00:14:01,963 --> 00:14:03,021 So what are you doing? 149 00:14:03,264 --> 00:14:05,698 What does it look like I'm doing? Picking goobers? 150 00:14:05,934 --> 00:14:09,335 Hey, listen, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking... 151 00:14:09,404 --> 00:14:11,804 your tongue to metal light poles in winter... 152 00:14:11,873 --> 00:14:15,274 and he says it will freeze right to the pole just like I told you. 153 00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:16,534 Baloney. 154 00:14:16,611 --> 00:14:18,579 What would your old man know about anything? 155 00:14:18,647 --> 00:14:20,945 He knows because he once saw a guy stick his tongue... 156 00:14:21,016 --> 00:14:24,611 to a railroad track on a bet and the fire department had to come... 157 00:14:24,686 --> 00:14:28,554 to get the guy's tongue off the track because he couldn't get it off. 158 00:14:28,623 --> 00:14:30,386 Come on, guys, wait up! 159 00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:31,948 Come on, guys! 160 00:14:32,427 --> 00:14:34,657 Come on, guys, wait up! 161 00:14:39,901 --> 00:14:41,300 I can't get up! 162 00:14:42,604 --> 00:14:44,367 I can't get up! 163 00:14:44,439 --> 00:14:45,371 Help! 164 00:14:46,808 --> 00:14:49,072 I can't get out! Help me! 165 00:14:50,478 --> 00:14:52,139 Come on, Flick, wait up for me. 166 00:14:52,247 --> 00:14:54,044 I can't get up! 167 00:14:57,519 --> 00:14:58,315 Come on. 168 00:14:58,386 --> 00:15:00,718 Get up. Sit up. Come on. 169 00:15:02,557 --> 00:15:03,990 You're okay. Come on, let's go. 170 00:15:04,059 --> 00:15:05,390 Come on, you're all right! 171 00:15:14,636 --> 00:15:15,603 Miss Shields! 172 00:15:16,604 --> 00:15:17,662 All right, everyone... 173 00:15:17,739 --> 00:15:19,400 take your seats, please. 174 00:15:27,449 --> 00:15:29,246 Good morning, class. 175 00:15:29,317 --> 00:15:32,650 Good morning, Miss Shields. 176 00:16:07,489 --> 00:16:09,889 Open your books to Page 32. 177 00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:12,825 And as you'll remember, Silas Marner... 178 00:16:23,304 --> 00:16:25,932 You're full of beans and so's your old man. 179 00:16:27,108 --> 00:16:29,338 - Says who? - Says me. 180 00:16:29,410 --> 00:16:31,310 Well, I double-dare you. 181 00:16:31,379 --> 00:16:33,973 The exact exchange and nuance... 182 00:16:34,115 --> 00:16:37,573 of phrase in this ritual is very important. 183 00:16:37,819 --> 00:16:40,379 Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? 184 00:16:40,488 --> 00:16:41,455 That's dumb. 185 00:16:41,523 --> 00:16:43,491 That's 'cause you know it will stick! 186 00:16:43,591 --> 00:16:45,183 You're full of it. 187 00:16:45,727 --> 00:16:47,854 Well, I double dog-dare you! 188 00:16:48,396 --> 00:16:51,627 Now it was serious. A double dog-dare. 189 00:16:52,133 --> 00:16:54,294 What else was left but a "triple-dare you"? 190 00:16:54,402 --> 00:16:56,927 And finally, the coup de gr�ce of all dares... 191 00:16:57,005 --> 00:16:59,405 the sinister triple dog-dare! 192 00:17:00,008 --> 00:17:02,568 I triple dog-dare you! 193 00:17:03,578 --> 00:17:06,046 Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette... 194 00:17:06,147 --> 00:17:09,776 by skipping the triple-dare and going right for the throat. 195 00:17:09,851 --> 00:17:11,182 All right, all right. 196 00:17:20,895 --> 00:17:24,228 - Go on, smart ass, and do it! - I'm going! 197 00:17:24,899 --> 00:17:28,960 Flick's spine stiffened, his lips curled in a defiant sneer. 198 00:17:29,504 --> 00:17:31,472 There was no going back now. 199 00:17:34,509 --> 00:17:36,101 This is nothing. 200 00:17:40,481 --> 00:17:42,108 Stuck? Stuck! 201 00:17:42,183 --> 00:17:44,276 Stuck! Stuck! 202 00:17:50,191 --> 00:17:51,283 Jeez! 203 00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:52,859 It really works! 204 00:17:52,927 --> 00:17:54,360 Look at him! 205 00:18:04,706 --> 00:18:06,105 Ralphie, come back! 206 00:18:06,174 --> 00:18:09,575 - Come back! Don't leave me! Come back! - But the bell rang! 207 00:18:09,711 --> 00:18:13,203 - What are we going to do? - I don't know! The bell rang! 208 00:18:23,391 --> 00:18:24,653 Where's Flick? 209 00:18:26,394 --> 00:18:27,725 Has anyone seen Flick? 210 00:18:27,896 --> 00:18:29,625 Flick? Flick who? 211 00:18:29,697 --> 00:18:31,824 He was at recess, wasn't he? 212 00:18:33,468 --> 00:18:35,959 Ralphie, do you know where Flick is? 213 00:18:41,609 --> 00:18:45,010 I said has anyone seen Flick? 214 00:18:47,382 --> 00:18:49,009 Yes, Esther Jane? 215 00:18:55,089 --> 00:18:56,681 Oh, my God! 216 00:19:17,545 --> 00:19:20,036 Holy cow, it's the fire department! 217 00:19:27,155 --> 00:19:28,884 Wow, it's the cops! 218 00:20:21,376 --> 00:20:25,403 Now, I know that some of you put Flick up to this. 219 00:20:28,116 --> 00:20:30,676 But, he has refused to say who. 220 00:20:33,287 --> 00:20:35,915 But those who did it know their blame. 221 00:20:38,059 --> 00:20:41,119 And I'm sure the guilt you feel... 222 00:20:41,362 --> 00:20:45,321 is far worse than any punishment you might receive. 223 00:20:49,637 --> 00:20:51,764 Now, don't you feel terrible? 224 00:20:52,874 --> 00:20:55,707 Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? 225 00:20:58,112 --> 00:21:00,876 That's all I'm going to say about poor Flick. 226 00:21:03,918 --> 00:21:07,376 Adults love to say things like that. But kids know better. 227 00:21:07,455 --> 00:21:11,289 We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught. 228 00:21:11,392 --> 00:21:14,657 Now, boys and girls, I'm going to give you an assignment. 229 00:21:15,863 --> 00:21:17,558 I want you to write... 230 00:21:18,633 --> 00:21:19,827 a theme. 231 00:21:23,438 --> 00:21:25,736 "What I want for Christmas." 232 00:21:27,108 --> 00:21:28,598 The clouds lifted. 233 00:21:29,143 --> 00:21:31,543 And I want it handed in tomorrow morning... 234 00:21:31,612 --> 00:21:34,706 I saw a faint gleam of light at the other end of... 235 00:21:34,782 --> 00:21:36,647 the black cave of doom. 236 00:21:36,717 --> 00:21:40,744 I knew that when Miss Shields read my magnificent, eloquent theme... 237 00:21:40,822 --> 00:21:43,620 that she would sympathize with my plight... 238 00:21:43,691 --> 00:21:46,888 and everything would work out, somehow. 239 00:22:02,243 --> 00:22:04,711 Boy, did you see how it stuck? 240 00:22:05,279 --> 00:22:08,510 - Did it hurt, Flick? - No. I never felt a thing. 241 00:22:08,583 --> 00:22:10,210 It just caught me off-guard. 242 00:22:10,284 --> 00:22:12,912 - You sure were bawling. - I never bawled! 243 00:22:13,054 --> 00:22:14,521 Baloney. 244 00:22:27,668 --> 00:22:29,226 Scut Farkus! 245 00:22:29,837 --> 00:22:33,432 Scut Farkus! What a rotten name. We were trapped. 246 00:22:33,508 --> 00:22:36,409 There he stood, between us and the alley. 247 00:22:36,477 --> 00:22:39,537 Scut Farkus, staring out at us with his yellow eyes. 248 00:22:39,881 --> 00:22:43,112 He had yellow eyes! So help me God, yellow eyes. 249 00:22:58,633 --> 00:23:01,329 Grover Dill, Farkus' crummy little toady. 250 00:23:01,402 --> 00:23:02,892 Mean. Rotten. 251 00:23:02,970 --> 00:23:05,370 His lips curled over his green teeth. 252 00:23:05,973 --> 00:23:07,873 Randy lay there like a slug. 253 00:23:07,942 --> 00:23:10,001 It was his only defense. 254 00:23:14,849 --> 00:23:16,976 - Say "uncle." - Uncle! 255 00:23:24,659 --> 00:23:25,853 Louder! 256 00:23:27,728 --> 00:23:30,697 In our world, you were either a bully, a toady... 257 00:23:30,765 --> 00:23:33,427 or one of the nameless rabble of victims. 258 00:23:33,568 --> 00:23:34,694 All right. 259 00:23:34,902 --> 00:23:36,460 Who's next? 260 00:23:59,894 --> 00:24:03,625 In the jungles of kid-dom, the mind switches gears rapidly. 261 00:24:03,965 --> 00:24:06,525 Weeks ago I had sent away for my Little Orphan Annie... 262 00:24:06,601 --> 00:24:08,626 secret society decoder pen. 263 00:24:08,970 --> 00:24:10,870 Oh, skunked again. 264 00:24:10,938 --> 00:24:13,566 No matter. Today I had serious work to do. 265 00:24:14,242 --> 00:24:16,369 "What I want for Christmas." 266 00:24:16,444 --> 00:24:19,572 "What I want is a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock... 267 00:24:19,647 --> 00:24:21,512 "and this thing which tells time." 268 00:24:21,682 --> 00:24:23,081 Wow, that's great. 269 00:24:23,150 --> 00:24:26,176 "I think that everybody should have a Red Ryder BB gun. 270 00:24:26,287 --> 00:24:28,152 "They're very good for Christmas. 271 00:24:28,756 --> 00:24:32,283 "I don't think that a football's a very good Christmas present." 272 00:24:33,094 --> 00:24:36,586 Oh, rarely had the words poured from my penny pencil... 273 00:24:36,664 --> 00:24:38,461 with such feverish fluidity. 274 00:24:43,838 --> 00:24:45,430 I've won! I've won! 275 00:24:56,651 --> 00:24:57,879 The Bumpus hounds. 276 00:24:59,186 --> 00:25:01,848 Our hillbilly neighbors, the Bumpuses, had at least... 277 00:25:01,922 --> 00:25:03,787 785 smelly hound dogs. 278 00:25:04,392 --> 00:25:08,158 And they ignored every other human being on earth but my old man. 279 00:25:11,132 --> 00:25:12,429 I won! 280 00:25:13,668 --> 00:25:14,828 I won! 281 00:25:16,470 --> 00:25:18,097 - What? - A major prize! 282 00:25:18,172 --> 00:25:19,332 I won! 283 00:25:20,141 --> 00:25:23,167 Hey, look at that. Look at that. A Western Union telegram. 284 00:25:23,244 --> 00:25:26,441 Tonight, he's coming tonight. Tonight. Hot damn, tonight! 285 00:25:26,514 --> 00:25:28,175 What does this mean here? 286 00:25:28,282 --> 00:25:30,045 It means it's coming tonight! 287 00:25:30,117 --> 00:25:32,051 I called Ernie McClosky at the freight depot. 288 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,952 He said the telegram was late, the prize was already there... 289 00:25:35,022 --> 00:25:37,217 he was going to send it on tonight. 290 00:25:37,358 --> 00:25:40,725 Come on. Have a chew, fellas, on me. It's my gift. 291 00:25:41,762 --> 00:25:46,096 You know, maybe it'll be one of those Spanish adobe houses down in Coral... 292 00:25:50,404 --> 00:25:52,838 Serves you right, you smelly buggers. 293 00:25:52,940 --> 00:25:55,101 Or it could be a bowling alley. 294 00:25:55,676 --> 00:25:57,871 A guy down in Terre Haute won a bowling alley. 295 00:25:58,012 --> 00:26:00,742 How are they going to deliver a bowling alley here tonight? 296 00:26:01,215 --> 00:26:04,582 They could send the deed, for cripesake. I mean... 297 00:26:04,852 --> 00:26:08,219 I didn't expect they were going to send the whole damn bowling alley. 298 00:26:08,289 --> 00:26:11,122 Yeah, well. How about eating? I'm starving to death. 299 00:26:11,392 --> 00:26:14,122 Getting rich is hard work, kid. Come on. 300 00:26:22,002 --> 00:26:24,197 Every family has a kid who won't eat. 301 00:26:24,538 --> 00:26:28,599 My kid brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years. 302 00:26:30,411 --> 00:26:33,812 Oh, Randy, don't play with your food, eat it! 303 00:26:36,717 --> 00:26:39,049 Starving people would be happy to have that. 304 00:26:39,420 --> 00:26:41,149 Can I have some more red cabbage? 305 00:26:48,095 --> 00:26:51,292 Stop playing with your food, or I'll give you something to cry about. 306 00:26:51,732 --> 00:26:54,895 You better stop fooling around with it and eat it or you'll be sorry. 307 00:27:00,274 --> 00:27:01,639 Can I please have some more? 308 00:27:01,709 --> 00:27:05,236 My mother had not had a hot meal for herself in 15 years. 309 00:27:07,415 --> 00:27:10,441 Meatloaf, double beetloaf. 310 00:27:11,051 --> 00:27:12,643 I hate meatloaf. 311 00:27:13,921 --> 00:27:16,412 All right. I'll get that kid to eat. 312 00:27:16,824 --> 00:27:18,587 Where's my screwdriver and plumber's helper? 313 00:27:18,659 --> 00:27:21,025 I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in. 314 00:27:21,295 --> 00:27:23,354 My mother was more subtle. 315 00:27:23,898 --> 00:27:26,162 How do the little piggies go? 316 00:27:26,901 --> 00:27:29,301 That's right. Oink, oink. 317 00:27:29,403 --> 00:27:32,702 Now, show me how the piggies eat. This is your trough. 318 00:27:32,907 --> 00:27:35,774 Show me how the piggies eat. 319 00:27:36,177 --> 00:27:39,010 Be a good boy. Show Mommy how the piggies eat. 320 00:28:07,775 --> 00:28:09,003 Oh, my. 321 00:28:09,477 --> 00:28:11,445 Mommy's little piggy. 322 00:28:31,832 --> 00:28:33,197 It's here. 323 00:28:40,908 --> 00:28:41,704 Are you Parker? 324 00:28:42,276 --> 00:28:44,369 - All right, sign here. - Yeah. Well, what is it? 325 00:28:44,512 --> 00:28:45,706 I don't know. 326 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:47,438 What's in it? 327 00:28:47,515 --> 00:28:49,380 Here. Bring it in. 328 00:28:49,450 --> 00:28:51,850 Okay, boys. Haul that on in here. Move your tails. 329 00:28:51,919 --> 00:28:55,411 Bring it right on in. Right here. Bring it ahead. Straight ahead. 330 00:28:55,556 --> 00:28:56,614 That's right. 331 00:28:57,791 --> 00:28:58,883 Right. 332 00:28:58,959 --> 00:29:01,757 Here, bring it right in, fellas. That's it. Here we go. 333 00:29:01,862 --> 00:29:03,955 A little more. Little more. 334 00:29:04,031 --> 00:29:05,055 That's it. 335 00:29:07,835 --> 00:29:09,530 Watch the lady. 336 00:29:18,245 --> 00:29:19,940 Thanks a lot, guys. 337 00:29:20,014 --> 00:29:21,345 Merry Christmas. 338 00:29:21,415 --> 00:29:24,316 Get the crowbar and a hammer, Ralphie. Go on. 339 00:29:25,886 --> 00:29:27,911 "Fra-gi-ley." 340 00:29:28,088 --> 00:29:31,455 - That must be Italian. - I think that says "fragile." 341 00:29:31,692 --> 00:29:33,284 Oh, yeah. 342 00:29:34,628 --> 00:29:36,061 Here we go. 343 00:29:41,835 --> 00:29:44,065 They did a job on this, you know? 344 00:29:50,344 --> 00:29:52,642 No, here, Ralph, hold this. 345 00:29:59,053 --> 00:30:02,113 There could be anything in there! 346 00:30:02,189 --> 00:30:03,349 Jesus! 347 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:07,691 Maybe they forgot. 348 00:30:07,928 --> 00:30:10,761 It's in there. It's gotta be in there. 349 00:30:17,538 --> 00:30:19,904 - Would you look at that? - What? 350 00:30:20,007 --> 00:30:22,339 Would you look at that? 351 00:30:24,945 --> 00:30:26,435 What is it? 352 00:30:27,181 --> 00:30:28,546 It's a leg! 353 00:30:29,016 --> 00:30:30,142 But what is it? 354 00:30:30,517 --> 00:30:32,485 Well, it's a leg. 355 00:30:32,820 --> 00:30:34,219 You know, like in a statue. 356 00:30:34,788 --> 00:30:36,779 - Statue? - Yeah, statue! 357 00:30:37,458 --> 00:30:39,119 Yeah, statue! 358 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:40,850 Ralphie! 359 00:30:41,295 --> 00:30:45,231 My mother was trying to insinuate herself between us and the statue. 360 00:30:45,466 --> 00:30:47,491 Holy smoke, would you... 361 00:30:47,568 --> 00:30:49,536 Do you know what this is? 362 00:30:49,603 --> 00:30:52,071 This is a lamp. 363 00:30:53,173 --> 00:30:54,970 It was indeed a lamp. 364 00:30:55,042 --> 00:30:57,909 Isn't that great? What a great lamp! 365 00:30:58,979 --> 00:31:00,776 I don't know. 366 00:31:01,715 --> 00:31:04,309 Here, hold it. Hold it. Here, go on. 367 00:31:04,718 --> 00:31:07,084 The old man's eyes boggled... 368 00:31:08,288 --> 00:31:09,812 overcome by art. 369 00:31:09,923 --> 00:31:11,857 I know just the place for it. 370 00:31:11,925 --> 00:31:14,917 Right in the middle of our front room window! 371 00:31:33,747 --> 00:31:35,578 Jesus, God. 372 00:31:39,620 --> 00:31:41,850 - Honey? - No. It's all right. 373 00:31:43,724 --> 00:31:45,191 Let's see... 374 00:31:45,526 --> 00:31:49,929 This goes to the radio and this goes to the... 375 00:31:51,031 --> 00:31:53,522 Well, it's just one too many. 376 00:31:57,504 --> 00:31:58,493 Well, let's see. 377 00:31:58,572 --> 00:32:01,803 The snap of a few sparks, a quick whiff of ozone... 378 00:32:01,875 --> 00:32:05,333 and the lamp blazed forth in unparalleled glory. 379 00:32:05,579 --> 00:32:08,070 Look at that! Will you look at that? 380 00:32:08,248 --> 00:32:10,443 Isn't that glorious? 381 00:32:11,919 --> 00:32:15,980 It's indescribably beautiful. It reminds me of the Fourth of July! 382 00:32:16,824 --> 00:32:17,791 Turn off all the lights. 383 00:32:17,858 --> 00:32:19,792 I wanna see what it looks like from the street. 384 00:32:19,860 --> 00:32:22,658 - I'll go get the dining room. - Couldn't we talk this over? 385 00:32:43,283 --> 00:32:46,548 Move it a little bit to the right. A little that way. 386 00:32:47,321 --> 00:32:50,848 Just a little... More to the right. 387 00:32:51,925 --> 00:32:53,916 Yeah. More. That's it. No, stop! 388 00:32:54,061 --> 00:32:56,291 Right there. That's wonderful. 389 00:32:56,497 --> 00:32:58,055 Parker, what is that? 390 00:32:58,132 --> 00:33:00,032 Don't bother me now. Can't you see I'm busy? 391 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,896 - Yeah, but what is that? - It's a major award. 392 00:33:03,971 --> 00:33:05,302 A major award? 393 00:33:06,340 --> 00:33:08,900 Shucks, I wouldn't have known that. It looks like a lamp. 394 00:33:08,976 --> 00:33:12,377 It is a lamp, you nincompoop. But it's a major award. 395 00:33:12,446 --> 00:33:13,708 I won it. 396 00:33:13,914 --> 00:33:16,678 - Damn, hell, you say you won it? - Yeah. 397 00:33:16,850 --> 00:33:19,512 Mind power, Sweed, mind power. 398 00:33:20,053 --> 00:33:22,351 The entire neighborhood was turned on. 399 00:33:22,456 --> 00:33:25,323 You should see what it looks like from out here! 400 00:33:25,492 --> 00:33:28,461 It could be seen up and down Cleveland Street. 401 00:33:28,529 --> 00:33:30,497 The symbol of the old man's victory. 402 00:33:30,631 --> 00:33:32,792 Yeah, he won that. It's a major award. 403 00:33:32,866 --> 00:33:36,358 Isn't it about time for somebody's favorite radio program? 404 00:33:38,038 --> 00:33:40,370 Holy smokes, it was 6:45. 405 00:33:40,507 --> 00:33:42,668 Only one thing that could've dragged me away... 406 00:33:42,743 --> 00:33:46,736 from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window. 407 00:33:59,159 --> 00:34:01,457 Kids, it's Little Orphan Annie time. 408 00:34:01,528 --> 00:34:04,190 Brought to you by rich, chocolaty Ovaltine. 409 00:34:04,832 --> 00:34:06,129 I could still taste it. 410 00:34:07,868 --> 00:34:09,665 Hey, you turned the light off! 411 00:34:26,353 --> 00:34:29,789 I knew I was handing Miss Shields a masterpiece. 412 00:34:30,157 --> 00:34:33,558 Maybe Miss Shields, in her ecstasy, would excuse me from theme writing... 413 00:34:33,627 --> 00:34:36,187 for the rest of my natural life. 414 00:34:43,937 --> 00:34:45,666 You call this a paragraph? 415 00:34:46,073 --> 00:34:50,237 Margins! Margins! "F"! 416 00:34:51,178 --> 00:34:53,976 My life's work down the drain. 417 00:34:54,915 --> 00:34:56,780 A semicolon, you dolt! 418 00:34:56,850 --> 00:34:57,942 A period. 419 00:34:58,252 --> 00:34:59,014 "F"! 420 00:34:59,152 --> 00:35:03,555 Oh, I should weep if I have to read one more "F"! 421 00:35:05,192 --> 00:35:06,750 Ralphie Parker. 422 00:35:22,409 --> 00:35:25,037 The theme I've been waiting for all my life. 423 00:35:25,512 --> 00:35:27,070 Listen to this sentence. 424 00:35:27,481 --> 00:35:31,850 "A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock... 425 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,816 "and this thing which tells time." 426 00:35:37,925 --> 00:35:39,119 Poetry. 427 00:35:39,192 --> 00:35:40,659 Sheer poetry. 428 00:35:41,028 --> 00:35:44,225 Ralph, an "A+." 429 00:35:44,698 --> 00:35:46,256 My Ralph! 430 00:35:46,533 --> 00:35:49,502 Oh, Ralphie, you've made me proud. 431 00:35:51,438 --> 00:35:52,837 "A+"! 432 00:36:31,244 --> 00:36:32,768 Is there something you want, Ralph? 433 00:36:33,447 --> 00:36:36,075 I'm just turning in my theme. 434 00:36:38,218 --> 00:36:39,913 Well, you can take your seat now. 435 00:36:42,956 --> 00:36:44,150 Take your seat. 436 00:37:02,542 --> 00:37:04,271 Come on, you guys. 437 00:37:10,083 --> 00:37:11,983 Get in the car. Get in the car. 438 00:37:12,853 --> 00:37:16,050 If we don't hurry we're going to miss all the good trees! 439 00:37:18,625 --> 00:37:21,685 My mother was about to make another brilliant maneuver... 440 00:37:21,828 --> 00:37:24,763 in the legendary battle of the lamp. 441 00:37:24,898 --> 00:37:29,733 The epic struggle which followed lives in the folklore of Cleveland Street... 442 00:37:29,836 --> 00:37:31,133 to this very day. 443 00:37:31,238 --> 00:37:34,002 Don't want to waste electricity. 444 00:37:34,207 --> 00:37:35,936 "Don't want to waste electricity." 445 00:37:36,176 --> 00:37:38,736 Come on, Ralphie. Get in the car. 446 00:37:44,418 --> 00:37:46,443 You folks looking for a tree? We got 300 trees. 447 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,785 This is the Christmas tree emporium of the entire Midwest. 448 00:37:49,856 --> 00:37:53,383 Now, you ain't gonna find no better tree than this here tree. 449 00:37:53,794 --> 00:37:55,853 This here tree is built to last. 450 00:37:55,962 --> 00:37:57,759 Ain't no needles coming off this here tree. 451 00:38:00,967 --> 00:38:03,162 Okay. Now here's a tree. 452 00:38:03,236 --> 00:38:05,101 This here is a tree. 453 00:38:05,205 --> 00:38:09,574 - That's a little skimpy in the front. - Well, you just put it in the corner. 454 00:38:09,743 --> 00:38:13,372 - Haven't you got a big tree? - Hell, this ain't no tree. 455 00:38:13,914 --> 00:38:16,314 Now here's a tree. This here is a tree. 456 00:38:17,951 --> 00:38:21,580 - Wait'll the dogs see that one. - Don't you think it's a little large? 457 00:38:21,655 --> 00:38:24,954 Listen, Christmas only comes once a year. Why not? 458 00:38:25,358 --> 00:38:27,223 - How much? - I'll knock off $2... 459 00:38:27,327 --> 00:38:29,420 because I can see you're a man who knows his trees. 460 00:38:29,529 --> 00:38:32,896 This isn't one of those trees that all the needles falls off, is it? 461 00:38:32,999 --> 00:38:34,694 No, that's them balsams. 462 00:38:34,801 --> 00:38:37,497 The old man loved bargaining as much as an Arab trader... 463 00:38:37,571 --> 00:38:39,300 and he was twice as shrewd. 464 00:38:39,372 --> 00:38:41,772 You know, Dew Lock just bought one of those brand new... 465 00:38:41,875 --> 00:38:44,070 green plastic trees. 466 00:38:45,545 --> 00:38:47,706 Darn thing looks like it was made out of... 467 00:38:48,348 --> 00:38:50,248 green pipe cleaners. 468 00:38:50,884 --> 00:38:52,977 This is a very nice tree. 469 00:38:53,153 --> 00:38:55,587 I'll throw in some rope and tie it to your car for you. 470 00:38:55,655 --> 00:38:57,122 You got a deal. 471 00:38:57,324 --> 00:38:58,154 Deal. 472 00:39:18,044 --> 00:39:19,739 Damn it. Blow out! 473 00:39:28,188 --> 00:39:29,746 Not again. 474 00:39:30,957 --> 00:39:32,390 Four minutes! 475 00:39:32,459 --> 00:39:33,983 Time me. 476 00:39:35,128 --> 00:39:36,959 Actually, my old man loved it. 477 00:39:37,063 --> 00:39:40,362 He always saw himself in the pits at the Indianapolis Speedway... 478 00:39:40,467 --> 00:39:41,456 in the 500. 479 00:39:46,506 --> 00:39:49,441 My old man's spare tires were actually only tires... 480 00:39:49,509 --> 00:39:50,703 in the academic sense. 481 00:39:50,911 --> 00:39:53,471 They were round. They had once been made of rubber. 482 00:39:57,918 --> 00:40:01,012 Ralphie, why don't you go help your father? 483 00:40:01,454 --> 00:40:03,081 - Really? Can I? - Yes. 484 00:40:03,590 --> 00:40:05,558 - Watch the traffic, there. - Okay. 485 00:40:06,393 --> 00:40:08,918 It was the first time that it had been suggested that... 486 00:40:08,995 --> 00:40:11,361 I go help my father with anything. 487 00:40:15,569 --> 00:40:18,265 - What are you doing here? - Mom says I should help. 488 00:40:19,906 --> 00:40:22,466 Okay, sit down here. Squat down. 489 00:40:23,343 --> 00:40:24,640 Yeah, that's it. 490 00:40:24,844 --> 00:40:26,641 Here. Hold this. 491 00:40:30,317 --> 00:40:33,809 No, not that way. Come on, rat trap, hold it like this. 492 00:40:33,887 --> 00:40:34,819 - How? - Like this. 493 00:40:34,888 --> 00:40:36,788 I want to put the nuts in it. There we are. 494 00:40:36,856 --> 00:40:39,848 There's four of them. And we got it! 495 00:40:42,295 --> 00:40:43,694 There it is. 496 00:40:43,930 --> 00:40:47,127 That son of a gun. I'm gonna get that dirty... 497 00:40:47,534 --> 00:40:48,364 There we go. 498 00:40:49,603 --> 00:40:51,935 For one brief moment I saw all the bolts silhouetted... 499 00:40:52,005 --> 00:40:54,530 against the lights of the traffic. And then they were gone. 500 00:40:59,346 --> 00:41:01,405 Oh, fudge! 501 00:41:02,115 --> 00:41:04,015 Only I didn't say "fudge." 502 00:41:04,117 --> 00:41:05,948 I said the word. 503 00:41:06,152 --> 00:41:09,383 The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. 504 00:41:09,723 --> 00:41:12,123 The "f, dash, dash, dash" word. 505 00:41:12,192 --> 00:41:14,092 What did you say? 506 00:41:17,030 --> 00:41:19,726 That's what I thought you said. 507 00:41:22,202 --> 00:41:23,999 Get in the car. 508 00:41:26,906 --> 00:41:27,930 Go on. 509 00:41:28,008 --> 00:41:30,272 It was all over. I was dead. 510 00:41:30,510 --> 00:41:33,138 What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? 511 00:41:33,213 --> 00:41:36,114 The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? 512 00:41:36,616 --> 00:41:40,609 Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me. 513 00:41:43,456 --> 00:41:45,720 Everything go all right? 514 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,135 Eight minutes. 515 00:42:04,444 --> 00:42:07,777 - Do you know what your son just said? - No. What? 516 00:42:08,515 --> 00:42:10,813 I'll tell you what he said. Randy! 517 00:42:14,487 --> 00:42:15,215 Ralphie! 518 00:42:17,324 --> 00:42:20,225 Over the years, I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. 519 00:42:20,327 --> 00:42:24,525 My personal preference is for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice... 520 00:42:24,698 --> 00:42:26,791 piquant, after-dinner flavor. 521 00:42:26,866 --> 00:42:30,393 Heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. 522 00:42:33,807 --> 00:42:36,207 Lifebuoy, on the other hand... 523 00:42:38,211 --> 00:42:40,076 You ready to tell me? 524 00:42:44,784 --> 00:42:47,344 All right. Where did you hear that word? 525 00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:51,422 Now I had heard that word at least 10 times a day from my old man. 526 00:42:51,591 --> 00:42:53,889 My father worked in profanity the way... 527 00:42:53,993 --> 00:42:56,427 other artists might work in oils or clay. 528 00:42:56,529 --> 00:42:59,225 It was his true medium. A master. 529 00:42:59,299 --> 00:43:01,699 But I chickened out. And I blurted out... 530 00:43:01,868 --> 00:43:03,836 the first name that came to mind. 531 00:43:03,903 --> 00:43:05,165 Schwartz! 532 00:43:06,873 --> 00:43:08,465 I see. 533 00:43:19,853 --> 00:43:22,720 Hello, Mrs. Schwartz? Yes, I'm fine. 534 00:43:23,256 --> 00:43:26,714 Mrs. Schwartz, do you know what Ralph just said? 535 00:43:28,528 --> 00:43:29,495 No. 536 00:43:29,763 --> 00:43:31,287 He said... 537 00:43:33,266 --> 00:43:34,790 Not that! 538 00:43:35,001 --> 00:43:36,263 Yes, that. 539 00:43:36,403 --> 00:43:39,372 - Do you know where he heard it? - Probably from his father. 540 00:43:39,472 --> 00:43:41,963 No! He heard it from your son! 541 00:43:42,041 --> 00:43:43,030 What? 542 00:43:51,117 --> 00:43:52,379 What'd I do, Mom? 543 00:43:53,153 --> 00:43:55,121 Why? I didn't do nothing! 544 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,823 Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice. 545 00:44:04,397 --> 00:44:09,164 Rinse out and go to bed. Am I glad you finished your homework! 546 00:44:09,335 --> 00:44:12,270 Get right into bed, and I don't want to see any lights on. 547 00:44:12,338 --> 00:44:15,307 You are being punished, so no comic book reading! 548 00:44:15,408 --> 00:44:17,399 I'll come in, and if any lights are on... 549 00:44:17,510 --> 00:44:20,411 Don't you give me that look! You're gonna get it! 550 00:44:42,168 --> 00:44:44,932 Three blocks away, Schwartz was getting his. 551 00:44:46,573 --> 00:44:48,973 There has never been a kid who didn't believe... 552 00:44:49,175 --> 00:44:53,043 vaguely but insistently, that he would be stricken blind... 553 00:44:53,213 --> 00:44:57,013 before he reached 21. And then they'd be sorry. 554 00:45:07,794 --> 00:45:09,591 Why, it's Ralph! 555 00:45:10,463 --> 00:45:13,694 Well, come on in, Ralph. Where've you been? 556 00:45:18,705 --> 00:45:20,036 Why, he's carrying a cane! 557 00:45:20,106 --> 00:45:21,596 What is it, Ralph? What happened? 558 00:45:21,674 --> 00:45:23,539 Why, he's blind! 559 00:45:23,610 --> 00:45:25,441 Blind? Oh, my God! 560 00:45:28,581 --> 00:45:30,242 Ralph, is it something we did? 561 00:45:30,350 --> 00:45:33,183 What brought you to this lonely state? 562 00:45:34,487 --> 00:45:37,422 Ralph, please tell us no matter how it hurts. What did we do? 563 00:45:38,291 --> 00:45:40,054 Look, I can't. 564 00:45:40,126 --> 00:45:42,026 Please, Ralph. I must know what we did. 565 00:45:42,262 --> 00:45:44,162 What brought you to this? 566 00:45:53,673 --> 00:45:55,834 Soap poisoning. 567 00:46:02,849 --> 00:46:05,044 Oh, how could we do it? 568 00:46:05,718 --> 00:46:08,778 I'll manage to get along, somehow. 569 00:46:09,756 --> 00:46:12,190 - I'll never forgive myself. - Thanks, Mom. 570 00:46:12,358 --> 00:46:14,952 I told you not to use Lifebuoy. 571 00:46:16,029 --> 00:46:17,826 I feel awful! 572 00:46:42,855 --> 00:46:43,719 Thank you, Heather. 573 00:46:43,790 --> 00:46:45,587 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 574 00:46:46,392 --> 00:46:47,188 Thank you, Flick. 575 00:46:47,860 --> 00:46:49,384 Merry Christmas, Miss Shields. 576 00:47:14,454 --> 00:47:17,480 I just thought that you'd be getting tired of the same old stuff. 577 00:47:17,590 --> 00:47:20,855 Yes, truly, a little bribe never hurts. 578 00:47:21,394 --> 00:47:23,453 Well, thank you very much, Ralph. 579 00:47:28,901 --> 00:47:30,698 Merry Christmas. 580 00:47:33,439 --> 00:47:34,701 Happy New Year. 581 00:47:37,543 --> 00:47:39,602 You can take your seat now, Ralph. 582 00:48:03,202 --> 00:48:06,262 The weeks of drinking gallons of Ovaltine, in order to get... 583 00:48:06,372 --> 00:48:09,808 the Ovaltine inner seal to send off for my Little Orphan Annie... 584 00:48:09,876 --> 00:48:13,403 secret decoder pen, was about to pay off. 585 00:48:14,180 --> 00:48:16,876 I got it. "Master Ralph Parker." 586 00:48:16,949 --> 00:48:18,678 My decoder pen! 587 00:48:23,056 --> 00:48:24,523 All right! 588 00:48:29,829 --> 00:48:32,662 "Be it known to all that Ralph Parker is hereby appointed... 589 00:48:32,732 --> 00:48:35,496 "a member of the Little Orphan Annie secret circle and... 590 00:48:35,568 --> 00:48:38,469 "is entitled to all the honors and benefits occurring thereto." 591 00:48:39,005 --> 00:48:41,132 Signed, Little Orphan Annie. 592 00:48:41,374 --> 00:48:43,740 Countersigned, Pierre Andre! 593 00:48:44,110 --> 00:48:45,407 In ink! 594 00:48:45,578 --> 00:48:49,139 Honors and benefits. Already at the age of nine. 595 00:48:54,987 --> 00:48:56,318 Come on. Let's get on with it. 596 00:48:56,389 --> 00:48:59,358 I don't need all that jazz about smugglers and pirates. 597 00:49:00,393 --> 00:49:02,953 Listen tomorrow night for the concluding adventure of... 598 00:49:03,062 --> 00:49:06,054 The Black Pirate Ship. Now it's time... 599 00:49:06,199 --> 00:49:10,260 for Annie's secret message for you members of the secret circle. 600 00:49:11,037 --> 00:49:13,130 Remember, kids, only members of... 601 00:49:13,206 --> 00:49:17,267 Annie's secret circle can decode Annie's secret message. 602 00:49:17,477 --> 00:49:20,571 Remember, Annie is depending on you. 603 00:49:21,514 --> 00:49:23,675 Set your pins to B-2. 604 00:49:24,050 --> 00:49:26,177 Here is the message. 605 00:49:26,452 --> 00:49:27,817 12. 11. 2... 606 00:49:27,887 --> 00:49:30,355 I am in my first secret meeting. 607 00:49:30,423 --> 00:49:33,187 ...25. 14. 11. 18. 608 00:49:34,260 --> 00:49:35,022 16. 23... 609 00:49:35,094 --> 00:49:36,789 Pierre was in great voice tonight. 610 00:49:36,863 --> 00:49:40,629 I could tell that tonight's message was really important. 611 00:49:41,033 --> 00:49:42,091 ...3. 25. 612 00:49:42,201 --> 00:49:46,365 That's a message from Annie herself. Remember, don't tell anyone. 613 00:49:50,176 --> 00:49:53,145 Ninety seconds later I'm in the only room in the house... 614 00:49:53,212 --> 00:49:56,511 where a boy of nine can sit in privacy and decode. 615 00:49:59,018 --> 00:50:01,578 Ah! "B." I went to the next. 616 00:50:02,588 --> 00:50:05,216 "E." The first word is "be"! 617 00:50:05,691 --> 00:50:08,785 "S." It was coming easier now. "U." 618 00:50:10,596 --> 00:50:13,190 Come on, Ralphie! I gotta go. 619 00:50:13,866 --> 00:50:15,595 I'll be right down, Ma. 620 00:50:15,701 --> 00:50:17,100 Gee whiz. 621 00:50:19,605 --> 00:50:21,698 "T.O." 622 00:50:22,742 --> 00:50:25,142 "Be sure to." Be sure to what? 623 00:50:25,244 --> 00:50:27,974 What was Little Orphan Annie trying to say? Be sure to what? 624 00:50:28,181 --> 00:50:31,173 Ralphie! Randy has got to go! Will you please come out? 625 00:50:31,250 --> 00:50:33,980 All right, Ma! I'll be right out! 626 00:50:34,353 --> 00:50:35,820 I was getting closer now. 627 00:50:35,922 --> 00:50:38,891 The tension was terrible. What was it? 628 00:50:38,958 --> 00:50:41,188 The fate of the planet may hang in the balance. 629 00:50:41,727 --> 00:50:43,786 Ralphie! Randy's gotta go! 630 00:50:44,730 --> 00:50:47,358 I'll be right out, for crying out loud! 631 00:50:47,733 --> 00:50:50,463 Almost there! My fingers flew. 632 00:50:50,570 --> 00:50:52,231 My mind was a steel trap. 633 00:50:52,338 --> 00:50:53,737 Every pore vibrated. 634 00:50:54,140 --> 00:50:55,801 It was almost clear. 635 00:50:55,975 --> 00:50:56,999 Yes! 636 00:51:04,183 --> 00:51:05,411 Ovaltine? 637 00:51:09,155 --> 00:51:10,884 A crummy commercial? 638 00:51:13,526 --> 00:51:15,050 Son of a bitch! 639 00:51:17,296 --> 00:51:19,787 I went out to face the world again. 640 00:51:19,932 --> 00:51:21,365 Wiser. 641 00:51:34,313 --> 00:51:35,780 Red cabbage? 642 00:51:35,848 --> 00:51:38,817 No, that's for tomorrow night. You love red cabbage, Ralphie. 643 00:51:40,753 --> 00:51:42,721 You filthy system! 644 00:51:42,788 --> 00:51:44,449 I hate it! 645 00:51:44,624 --> 00:51:47,252 Schmucker! Smelly watt-buster! 646 00:51:55,968 --> 00:52:00,337 What happened next was a family controversy for years. 647 00:52:17,256 --> 00:52:18,382 What was that? What happened? 648 00:52:22,628 --> 00:52:24,061 What happened? 649 00:52:24,830 --> 00:52:26,320 What broke? 650 00:52:26,599 --> 00:52:28,362 I don't know what happened. 651 00:52:28,434 --> 00:52:30,698 I was watering my plant and... 652 00:52:32,004 --> 00:52:33,767 I broke your lamp. 653 00:52:48,955 --> 00:52:50,616 Don't you touch that! 654 00:52:51,624 --> 00:52:53,751 You were always jealous of this lamp. 655 00:52:54,493 --> 00:52:55,960 Jealous of a plastic leg? 656 00:52:56,062 --> 00:52:57,222 Jealous! 657 00:52:57,396 --> 00:52:59,626 Jealous because I won. 658 00:53:01,534 --> 00:53:03,024 That's ridiculous! Jealous? 659 00:53:03,169 --> 00:53:04,295 Jealous of what? 660 00:53:05,538 --> 00:53:06,835 That is... 661 00:53:06,906 --> 00:53:10,865 the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire life! 662 00:53:11,243 --> 00:53:12,801 Now it was out. 663 00:53:13,212 --> 00:53:14,509 Get the glue. 664 00:53:15,081 --> 00:53:17,345 We're out of glue. 665 00:53:19,652 --> 00:53:23,986 You used up all the glue on purpose! 666 00:53:25,825 --> 00:53:28,225 The old man stood quivering with fury... 667 00:53:28,327 --> 00:53:30,761 stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. 668 00:53:31,163 --> 00:53:32,425 All he got out was: 669 00:53:32,498 --> 00:53:33,795 Not a finger! 670 00:54:14,540 --> 00:54:16,770 With as much dignity as he could muster... 671 00:54:16,876 --> 00:54:19,436 the old man gathered up the sad remains... 672 00:54:19,545 --> 00:54:22,070 of his shattered major award. 673 00:54:22,948 --> 00:54:25,746 Later that night, alone in the backyard... 674 00:54:26,152 --> 00:54:27,983 he buried it next to the garage. 675 00:54:28,587 --> 00:54:30,248 Now I could never be sure... 676 00:54:30,723 --> 00:54:34,318 but I thought that I heard the sound of taps being played... 677 00:54:34,627 --> 00:54:35,889 gently. 678 00:54:36,295 --> 00:54:38,024 Know what I'm getting my old man for Christmas? 679 00:54:38,097 --> 00:54:39,894 - What? - A rose that squirts. 680 00:54:39,965 --> 00:54:42,024 People come to smell it, it squirts them. 681 00:54:42,201 --> 00:54:45,728 - I'm getting my old man a Flit gun. - A Flit gun? 682 00:54:49,075 --> 00:54:50,235 Stop right there! 683 00:54:50,443 --> 00:54:54,379 Ordinarily, if Dill so much as said "hi" to you, you felt great... 684 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:58,407 warm inside. But mostly he just hit you in the mouth. 685 00:54:58,684 --> 00:55:01,346 I can't now, Grover. I've gotta go see Miss Shields. 686 00:55:01,687 --> 00:55:04,588 Hey, come here! Get over here! 687 00:55:05,024 --> 00:55:06,958 Come on, you! Hey, come here! 688 00:55:08,461 --> 00:55:09,393 You! Come here! 689 00:55:09,628 --> 00:55:10,356 Who, me? 690 00:55:10,596 --> 00:55:13,497 - No, your Aunt Tilly. - Yeah, you. Get over here! 691 00:55:13,699 --> 00:55:16,691 I left Flick to certain annihilation. 692 00:55:17,736 --> 00:55:20,227 But BB gun mania knows no loyalties. 693 00:55:20,706 --> 00:55:22,674 Uncle! Uncle! 694 00:55:27,646 --> 00:55:28,670 All right, class. 695 00:55:29,115 --> 00:55:31,709 I have your Christmas themes for you. 696 00:55:32,751 --> 00:55:34,116 I'm pleased. 697 00:55:34,720 --> 00:55:36,915 In general, you did very well. 698 00:55:40,092 --> 00:55:43,619 However, I was disappointed in the margins. 699 00:55:46,265 --> 00:55:47,857 This is it. 700 00:55:49,235 --> 00:55:51,430 "C+"? No, it can't be. 701 00:55:51,871 --> 00:55:53,270 C+? 702 00:55:53,439 --> 00:55:55,464 C+! 703 00:56:03,249 --> 00:56:04,477 Oh, no! 704 00:56:05,651 --> 00:56:07,312 "You'll shoot your eye out"? 705 00:56:09,655 --> 00:56:11,623 My mother must have gotten to Miss Shields. 706 00:56:11,790 --> 00:56:13,382 There could be no other explanation. 707 00:56:13,659 --> 00:56:17,789 You'll shoot your eye out. You'll shoot your eye out. 708 00:56:20,366 --> 00:56:24,097 Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice... 709 00:56:24,170 --> 00:56:26,468 against Red Ryder and his peacemaker? 710 00:56:26,672 --> 00:56:30,870 These multiplication questions were most missed in our last math test. 711 00:56:30,976 --> 00:56:32,534 Would you answer in unison, please? 712 00:56:32,845 --> 00:56:35,746 I was surrounded by happier kids who were all going to get... 713 00:56:35,848 --> 00:56:37,406 what they wanted for Christmas. 714 00:56:37,783 --> 00:56:39,011 ...fifty-six. 715 00:57:09,682 --> 00:57:11,206 Hey, four-eyes! 716 00:57:11,283 --> 00:57:13,843 How'd you like your snowball sandwich? 717 00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:16,511 Maybe you'd like another one! 718 00:57:22,061 --> 00:57:23,050 Listen, jerk. 719 00:57:23,295 --> 00:57:26,594 When I tell you to come, you better come! 720 00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:30,268 What? Are you going to cry now? 721 00:57:30,469 --> 00:57:34,235 Come on, cry baby, cry for me. Come on. 722 00:57:34,607 --> 00:57:36,097 Cry! 723 00:57:36,242 --> 00:57:38,039 Deep in the recesses of my brain... 724 00:57:38,177 --> 00:57:41,544 a tiny red-hot little flame began to grow. 725 00:57:55,294 --> 00:57:56,420 Something had happened. 726 00:57:56,595 --> 00:58:00,588 A fuse blew and I had gone out of my skull. 727 00:58:09,708 --> 00:58:12,142 I'm telling my dad! 728 00:58:13,545 --> 00:58:15,638 Hey, Ralphie! 729 00:58:22,488 --> 00:58:24,615 Beat him up! Beat him up! 730 00:58:39,104 --> 00:58:41,368 Did you hear what he said? 731 00:58:45,978 --> 00:58:48,412 I have since heard of people under... 732 00:58:48,514 --> 00:58:52,177 extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. 733 00:58:52,484 --> 00:58:55,942 I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities... 734 00:58:56,121 --> 00:59:00,421 and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed. 735 00:59:09,268 --> 00:59:10,826 Ralphie! 736 00:59:27,720 --> 00:59:29,585 We're going home. Come on. 737 00:59:48,707 --> 00:59:51,676 Calm down. Come on in here, Ralph. 738 00:59:56,181 --> 00:59:57,614 Put your head down in here. 739 00:59:58,050 --> 01:00:00,211 Come on, get down in here. 740 01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:02,878 Settle down. 741 01:00:05,190 --> 01:00:08,921 I want you to go in there and lie down in your room for a while. 742 01:00:10,028 --> 01:00:12,155 Ralphie, just settle down. 743 01:00:15,868 --> 01:00:17,631 Here, dry off. 744 01:00:17,870 --> 01:00:19,838 All right, calm down. 745 01:00:19,972 --> 01:00:22,406 All right. Now go lie down. 746 01:00:42,161 --> 01:00:44,721 The light was getting purple and soft outside. 747 01:00:44,863 --> 01:00:47,696 Almost time for my father to come home from work. 748 01:01:08,086 --> 01:01:09,678 What's the matter? What you crying for? 749 01:01:10,656 --> 01:01:13,090 Daddy's going to kill Ralphie. 750 01:01:13,692 --> 01:01:15,159 No, he's not. 751 01:01:15,294 --> 01:01:16,659 Yes, he is, too. 752 01:01:16,762 --> 01:01:18,320 No, he's not. 753 01:01:18,430 --> 01:01:22,628 I promise you Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie. 754 01:01:23,502 --> 01:01:25,026 Why don't you come on out of there? 755 01:01:28,607 --> 01:01:29,767 Would you like some milk? 756 01:01:31,643 --> 01:01:33,372 You would? 757 01:01:40,018 --> 01:01:41,212 Here you go. 758 01:01:42,554 --> 01:01:43,578 All right? 759 01:01:44,289 --> 01:01:47,019 I'll see you later? Okay. Bye. 760 01:01:59,338 --> 01:02:03,001 I heard the car roar up the driveway, and a wave of terror broke over me. 761 01:02:03,242 --> 01:02:06,268 He'll know what I said, the awful things that I said. 762 01:02:06,512 --> 01:02:08,309 Get out of here! 763 01:02:08,981 --> 01:02:12,246 Go on home, you mangy mutts. Get out of here, you rotten, filthy... 764 01:02:12,518 --> 01:02:13,246 Hey, Bumpus! 765 01:02:13,318 --> 01:02:15,786 Get over here and get your stinking dogs! 766 01:02:16,889 --> 01:02:19,949 Hey, come on, what's for dinner? I'm starving to death. 767 01:02:39,845 --> 01:02:42,473 Well, what happened today? 768 01:02:43,181 --> 01:02:44,512 Where's your glasses? 769 01:02:45,951 --> 01:02:47,612 Did you lose your glasses again? 770 01:02:47,986 --> 01:02:48,918 Ralphie. 771 01:02:49,254 --> 01:02:52,348 Remember, you left these on the radio again. 772 01:02:52,591 --> 01:02:55,424 Now try not to do that anymore. 773 01:02:56,461 --> 01:02:58,019 So what else happened today? 774 01:02:59,531 --> 01:03:00,930 Nothing much. 775 01:03:01,133 --> 01:03:02,464 Ralphie had a fight. 776 01:03:03,268 --> 01:03:04,030 A fight? 777 01:03:04,236 --> 01:03:05,567 What kind of a fight? 778 01:03:08,006 --> 01:03:10,065 You know how boys are. 779 01:03:11,710 --> 01:03:13,610 I gave him a talking to. 780 01:03:15,013 --> 01:03:18,380 I see that the Bears are playing Green Bay on Sunday. 781 01:03:20,252 --> 01:03:21,014 Oh, yeah. 782 01:03:21,186 --> 01:03:23,211 Zudock's got tickets. I wish I had. 783 01:03:23,522 --> 01:03:25,422 He'll freeze his keister off out there. 784 01:03:28,493 --> 01:03:31,985 I slowly began to realize I was not about to be destroyed. 785 01:03:32,364 --> 01:03:33,831 The Chicago Bears. 786 01:03:34,433 --> 01:03:35,923 The terror of the midway. 787 01:03:36,902 --> 01:03:40,394 From then on, things were different between me and my mother. 788 01:03:42,674 --> 01:03:45,734 More like the Chicago Chipmunks, maybe. 789 01:03:45,911 --> 01:03:47,037 But Bears, never. 790 01:03:49,014 --> 01:03:50,003 Strange. 791 01:03:50,282 --> 01:03:54,013 Even something as monumental as "The Scut Farkus Affair"... 792 01:03:54,252 --> 01:03:55,776 as it came to be known... 793 01:03:55,954 --> 01:03:58,548 was pushed out of my mind as I struggled for a way out... 794 01:03:58,624 --> 01:04:01,457 of the impenetrable BB gun web... 795 01:04:01,526 --> 01:04:03,585 in which my mother had me trapped. 796 01:04:03,929 --> 01:04:05,021 Santa! 797 01:04:05,731 --> 01:04:07,460 Yeah, I'll ask Santa. 798 01:04:08,166 --> 01:04:09,827 Of course! Santa. 799 01:04:10,135 --> 01:04:12,194 The big man. The head honcho. 800 01:04:12,437 --> 01:04:13,665 The connection. 801 01:04:13,939 --> 01:04:16,533 My mother had slipped up this time. 802 01:04:38,697 --> 01:04:40,324 Mickey! 803 01:04:57,382 --> 01:04:59,942 The store's going to close soon and Santa will be gone. 804 01:05:00,018 --> 01:05:04,045 Ralphie, Santa's not going anyplace. Just be still! 805 01:05:13,699 --> 01:05:16,133 Mom, this is just the same old dumb parade as last year. 806 01:05:16,234 --> 01:05:19,431 - Ralphie, will you please calm down. - Mom-- 807 01:05:19,838 --> 01:05:21,465 - Hush! - Shut up, Ralphie! 808 01:05:31,083 --> 01:05:31,879 There he is! 809 01:05:31,950 --> 01:05:34,111 Santa! 810 01:05:41,426 --> 01:05:43,917 Have you been a good boy? Have you? 811 01:05:44,062 --> 01:05:46,895 - Can we go now? Can we go? - Yes, we can go now. 812 01:05:47,032 --> 01:05:49,227 Come on, Ralphie. 813 01:06:00,879 --> 01:06:02,972 Merry Christmas! 814 01:06:05,684 --> 01:06:08,050 Come on, Randy, hurry up. 815 01:06:21,166 --> 01:06:23,361 Ralphie, look over there. 816 01:06:23,435 --> 01:06:26,461 See, the line's not so long. Get in it. 817 01:06:26,538 --> 01:06:29,405 Take Randy's hand and hold on to him. We'll see you later, okay? 818 01:06:29,474 --> 01:06:32,637 Stay together, you hear? And don't get lost. 819 01:06:36,214 --> 01:06:37,306 Come on. 820 01:06:37,449 --> 01:06:38,916 Let's go. 821 01:06:41,820 --> 01:06:43,447 Young man. 822 01:06:43,622 --> 01:06:44,748 Hey, kid. 823 01:06:45,123 --> 01:06:48,684 - Just where do you think you're going? - We're going up to see Santa. 824 01:06:49,528 --> 01:06:52,326 The line ends here. It begins there. 825 01:06:52,764 --> 01:06:54,459 Merry Christmas! 826 01:06:54,666 --> 01:06:57,760 Come on, come up, boys and girls. Hurry up. 827 01:07:03,675 --> 01:07:05,108 Come on. 828 01:07:09,014 --> 01:07:13,815 The line waiting to see Santa stretched all the way back to Terre Haute! 829 01:07:14,452 --> 01:07:16,352 And I was at the end of it. 830 01:07:18,690 --> 01:07:20,749 I like Santa. 831 01:07:25,130 --> 01:07:27,325 Let's face it. Most of us were scoffers. 832 01:07:27,399 --> 01:07:32,427 Moments before zero hour, it did not pay to take chances. 833 01:07:33,371 --> 01:07:37,501 The chocolate snowman eats little boys. 834 01:07:39,244 --> 01:07:40,802 My pretty... 835 01:07:41,046 --> 01:07:43,173 What a tasty little boy. 836 01:07:44,449 --> 01:07:47,350 Don't bother me. I'm thinking. 837 01:07:51,756 --> 01:07:53,883 I like The Wizard of Oz. 838 01:07:57,162 --> 01:07:59,096 I like the Tin Man. 839 01:08:03,301 --> 01:08:07,397 If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9:00, he can kiss my foot. 840 01:08:09,040 --> 01:08:11,099 Come on up on Santa's lap. 841 01:08:11,209 --> 01:08:15,646 There's a wet one. And what's your name, little boy? 842 01:08:15,847 --> 01:08:16,836 Billy. 843 01:08:16,915 --> 01:08:18,109 Come on, Randy. 844 01:08:19,684 --> 01:08:22,881 And what do you want for Christmas, Billy? A toy truck? 845 01:08:22,988 --> 01:08:24,922 Get him off my lap. 846 01:08:25,056 --> 01:08:26,853 Quick, get me a towel. 847 01:08:34,599 --> 01:08:36,692 I hate the smell of tapioca. 848 01:08:38,236 --> 01:08:41,672 Attention shoppers! It is now 9:00 and our store is closing. 849 01:08:42,073 --> 01:08:45,008 9:00! Great Scott! The store is gonna close! 850 01:08:46,044 --> 01:08:48,638 Santa can't wait all night. 851 01:08:49,214 --> 01:08:51,307 Come on up on Santa's lap. 852 01:09:01,092 --> 01:09:02,218 Get moving, kid. 853 01:09:03,561 --> 01:09:05,256 Quit dragging your feet. 854 01:09:18,376 --> 01:09:19,934 Get him out of here. 855 01:09:30,655 --> 01:09:32,418 Come on, kid. 856 01:09:38,496 --> 01:09:40,987 Come on up. 857 01:09:51,343 --> 01:09:54,835 And what's your name, little boy? 858 01:09:54,980 --> 01:09:58,416 Hey, kid, hurry up, the store's closing! 859 01:10:01,453 --> 01:10:06,117 Listen, little boy, we got a lot of people waiting here, so get going! 860 01:10:08,326 --> 01:10:11,295 What do you want for Christmas, little boy? 861 01:10:11,663 --> 01:10:13,756 My mind had gone blank. 862 01:10:13,898 --> 01:10:16,128 Frantically I tried to remember what it was I wanted. 863 01:10:16,201 --> 01:10:17,759 I was blowing it, blowing it. 864 01:10:20,805 --> 01:10:23,865 How about a nice football? 865 01:10:24,009 --> 01:10:27,001 Football. What's a football? 866 01:10:27,712 --> 01:10:29,839 Without conscious will, my voice squeaked out: 867 01:10:29,948 --> 01:10:31,176 Football. 868 01:10:31,716 --> 01:10:33,308 Okay, get him out of here. 869 01:10:33,852 --> 01:10:37,185 A football! Oh, no. What was I doing? 870 01:10:37,255 --> 01:10:39,621 Wake up, stupid, wake up! 871 01:10:47,432 --> 01:10:50,526 I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot... 872 01:10:50,635 --> 01:10:51,693 range model air rifle. 873 01:10:53,772 --> 01:10:55,467 You'll shoot your eye out, kid. 874 01:10:57,208 --> 01:10:59,005 Merry Christmas. 875 01:11:14,726 --> 01:11:16,523 I'll see you in Oz, folks. 876 01:11:25,103 --> 01:11:27,071 Well, did you see Santa Claus? 877 01:11:27,639 --> 01:11:30,073 Did you tell him what you wanted for Christmas? 878 01:11:30,175 --> 01:11:33,906 Did he ask you if you'd been a good boy all year? 879 01:11:34,312 --> 01:11:35,040 No. 880 01:11:35,880 --> 01:11:38,007 Don't worry, he knows. 881 01:11:38,716 --> 01:11:40,240 He always knows. 882 01:11:43,021 --> 01:11:45,649 Merry Christmas. 883 01:11:46,591 --> 01:11:48,923 Okay, down you go. 884 01:11:49,194 --> 01:11:50,354 Bye, Chris. 885 01:12:00,705 --> 01:12:03,003 That's fine. 886 01:12:03,808 --> 01:12:06,368 Now wait a minute. All right. Plug her in! 887 01:12:08,279 --> 01:12:09,906 Well, the green string is out. 888 01:12:10,014 --> 01:12:12,278 No, the green is on. It's the blue that's out. 889 01:12:12,550 --> 01:12:14,643 Oh, don't tell me what color it is. 890 01:12:14,752 --> 01:12:15,912 I'm not color blind. 891 01:12:16,688 --> 01:12:18,178 I'm not color blind, either. 892 01:12:21,860 --> 01:12:23,350 There, see, I told you it was green. 893 01:12:25,864 --> 01:12:27,991 Hold it! Don't anybody move! 894 01:12:29,467 --> 01:12:30,866 Hold it right there! 895 01:12:31,503 --> 01:12:33,266 A fuse is out. 896 01:12:33,771 --> 01:12:37,468 The old man could replace fuses quicker than a jackrabbit on a date. 897 01:12:37,542 --> 01:12:39,169 He bought them by the gross. 898 01:12:45,083 --> 01:12:46,812 Oh, Ralph. 899 01:12:47,118 --> 01:12:49,484 My, isn't that pretty? 900 01:12:49,654 --> 01:12:50,951 That son of a gun. 901 01:12:52,924 --> 01:12:54,118 Yeah. No. 902 01:12:54,259 --> 01:12:55,920 That star is crooked. 903 01:12:56,194 --> 01:12:58,128 That star is perfectly straight. 904 01:13:00,632 --> 01:13:02,725 - Oh, you've got to be careful. - I am. 905 01:13:05,436 --> 01:13:08,564 It's just... Let me get it fixed. That's all right. 906 01:13:14,646 --> 01:13:16,170 Perfect. 907 01:13:19,050 --> 01:13:20,881 Oh, goodness, look at the time. 908 01:13:20,952 --> 01:13:22,943 I hope Santa hasn't had to pass up this house... 909 01:13:23,021 --> 01:13:26,047 just because some boys weren't in bed when he came by. 910 01:13:26,191 --> 01:13:28,785 I thought I heard Santa's sleigh bells... 911 01:13:28,860 --> 01:13:31,385 a little while ago, going up the other side of the street. 912 01:13:32,463 --> 01:13:33,794 All right, you two, upstairs. 913 01:13:34,933 --> 01:13:36,958 Go on the double, on the double. 914 01:13:48,479 --> 01:13:49,571 Okay, let's get them. 915 01:14:52,944 --> 01:14:55,003 Randy, come on! Get up, Randy! 916 01:15:05,723 --> 01:15:07,816 Santa Claus had come! 917 01:15:11,396 --> 01:15:13,591 Wow! A truck! That's mine! 918 01:15:14,165 --> 01:15:16,395 Wow, look over here! That's mine! 919 01:15:16,467 --> 01:15:17,957 What's in here? 920 01:15:18,303 --> 01:15:19,327 It's hard. 921 01:15:19,671 --> 01:15:22,731 Fire truck. Oh boy, that's mine! 922 01:15:31,816 --> 01:15:33,113 Does this raise? 923 01:15:48,299 --> 01:15:49,527 Merry Christmas. 924 01:15:51,002 --> 01:15:53,334 Merry Christmas, you two. 925 01:15:54,138 --> 01:15:56,834 Randy, no. Wait for Christmas to start, honey. 926 01:15:57,275 --> 01:16:00,335 - I want to play Santa! - Well, wait a minute, Randy. 927 01:16:00,411 --> 01:16:02,311 He played Santa last year, didn't he? 928 01:16:02,680 --> 01:16:04,807 Ralphie, you play Santa this time. 929 01:16:05,083 --> 01:16:07,017 - Come on, Ralphie. - Who should I start with? 930 01:16:07,318 --> 01:16:09,616 Well, give Randy a present. 931 01:16:09,721 --> 01:16:13,885 And, I think I see Aunt Clara's gift to you right over there. 932 01:16:13,991 --> 01:16:16,425 She always sends you such wonderful presents. 933 01:16:16,794 --> 01:16:19,490 Give me mine, Ralphie! Come on. 934 01:16:36,381 --> 01:16:40,875 Christmas had come. Officially. We plunged into the cornucopia... 935 01:16:40,952 --> 01:16:44,820 quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice. 936 01:16:44,956 --> 01:16:46,389 Didn't I get a tie this year? 937 01:16:53,531 --> 01:16:56,830 - A zeppelin! - A can of Simonize. 938 01:16:57,635 --> 01:17:00,798 Ralphie, what did Aunt Clara give you? Show everybody. 939 01:17:05,977 --> 01:17:06,841 I don't want to. 940 01:17:07,445 --> 01:17:09,879 Ralphie, show everybody what Aunt Clara gave you. 941 01:17:10,815 --> 01:17:13,648 Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that... 942 01:17:13,718 --> 01:17:18,246 I was not only perpetually four years old, but also a girl. 943 01:17:18,756 --> 01:17:22,624 She just always gives you the nicest things, Ralphie. 944 01:17:27,131 --> 01:17:29,929 Oh, isn't that sweet? 945 01:17:30,368 --> 01:17:33,166 - Ralph, go upstairs and try it on you-- - I don't want to! 946 01:17:33,271 --> 01:17:35,671 Go upstairs right now and try on that present! 947 01:17:35,773 --> 01:17:39,140 She went to all that trouble to make it! Now go on. 948 01:17:46,818 --> 01:17:50,982 While Ralphie is changing, I'm going to play Santa Claus. 949 01:17:51,055 --> 01:17:52,682 Now, let me see what can I find. 950 01:17:52,890 --> 01:17:56,451 I see something! Randy. 951 01:17:56,694 --> 01:17:58,457 This is for you, honey. 952 01:17:59,330 --> 01:18:01,264 And this is for Daddy. 953 01:18:04,202 --> 01:18:04,896 Here. 954 01:18:04,969 --> 01:18:06,834 From me to you. 955 01:18:09,106 --> 01:18:10,937 Thanks a lot. 956 01:18:11,342 --> 01:18:13,572 I wonder what it could be? 957 01:18:14,579 --> 01:18:17,571 Only one way to find out, isn't there? 958 01:18:17,849 --> 01:18:20,044 Well, it's a blue ball! 959 01:18:21,719 --> 01:18:23,482 It's a bowling ball. 960 01:18:24,489 --> 01:18:25,751 Thank you, darling. 961 01:18:25,857 --> 01:18:28,985 - Do you like it? - Yes, very much. Very much. 962 01:18:29,694 --> 01:18:30,592 Ralphie. 963 01:18:30,795 --> 01:18:32,820 We're waiting. 964 01:18:32,997 --> 01:18:34,555 Oh, come on, Mom. 965 01:18:34,999 --> 01:18:36,660 Right now! 966 01:18:46,744 --> 01:18:50,373 Immediately my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies... 967 01:18:50,448 --> 01:18:53,815 with the blue button eyes stared sappily up at me. 968 01:18:54,552 --> 01:18:57,248 Come down here so I can see you better. 969 01:18:58,089 --> 01:18:59,886 I just hoped Flick would never spot them... 970 01:19:00,024 --> 01:19:03,323 as the word of this humiliation could easily make life... 971 01:19:03,394 --> 01:19:06,227 at Warren G. Harding School a veritable hell. 972 01:19:08,666 --> 01:19:09,655 Isn't that cute? 973 01:19:10,334 --> 01:19:13,963 That is the most precious thing I've ever seen in my life. 974 01:19:14,772 --> 01:19:15,670 Shut up, Randy. 975 01:19:16,674 --> 01:19:18,767 He looks like a deranged Easter bunny. 976 01:19:20,978 --> 01:19:22,673 - He does not! - He does, too. 977 01:19:22,747 --> 01:19:24,442 He looks like a pink nightmare. 978 01:19:25,116 --> 01:19:27,107 Are you happy wearing that? 979 01:19:27,451 --> 01:19:28,440 Do you want to take it off? 980 01:19:28,653 --> 01:19:29,881 You tell the kid to take it off. 981 01:19:29,954 --> 01:19:32,923 You'll only wear it when Aunt Clara visits. Go on and take it off. 982 01:19:32,990 --> 01:19:34,651 Take it off! 983 01:19:38,262 --> 01:19:40,162 My God, will you look at that mess? 984 01:19:40,565 --> 01:19:42,999 - Who's going to clean the papers up? - Not me. 985 01:19:44,402 --> 01:19:46,734 - Randy did it last year. - Well, he can do it again. 986 01:19:49,307 --> 01:19:52,208 You know, this wine is not bad. It's not good either, but... 987 01:19:52,276 --> 01:19:54,836 - You want a sip? - No, you don't. 988 01:19:56,314 --> 01:19:57,406 Did you have a nice Christmas? 989 01:19:58,149 --> 01:19:59,116 Yeah, pretty nice. 990 01:19:59,216 --> 01:20:00,683 Did you get everything you wanted? 991 01:20:01,652 --> 01:20:04,314 - Well, almost. - Almost? 992 01:20:04,422 --> 01:20:06,049 Well, that's life. 993 01:20:06,724 --> 01:20:08,419 Well, there's always next Christmas. 994 01:20:11,662 --> 01:20:13,027 That's funny. 995 01:20:13,931 --> 01:20:15,728 What's that over there behind the desk? 996 01:20:16,767 --> 01:20:17,699 Where? 997 01:20:17,768 --> 01:20:19,599 Behind the desk, against the wall over there. 998 01:20:22,440 --> 01:20:23,771 Why don't you go check it out? 999 01:20:40,458 --> 01:20:41,755 What did we put over there, honey? 1000 01:20:43,227 --> 01:20:45,320 Santa Claus probably put it. 1001 01:21:22,199 --> 01:21:26,033 Oh, it was beautiful. I could hardly wait to try it out. 1002 01:21:26,804 --> 01:21:28,465 Do you know how to load it? 1003 01:21:31,909 --> 01:21:33,171 That's right. 1004 01:21:40,851 --> 01:21:41,749 Be careful. 1005 01:21:42,219 --> 01:21:43,652 Don't. They run all over. 1006 01:21:50,494 --> 01:21:51,756 Close her up. Close it up. 1007 01:21:52,830 --> 01:21:55,526 Can I try it out, Ma? Can I? 1008 01:21:55,633 --> 01:21:57,100 - Sure. - Okay. 1009 01:21:57,568 --> 01:21:58,694 But outside. 1010 01:21:58,803 --> 01:22:00,668 I still say those things are dangerous. 1011 01:22:02,173 --> 01:22:04,767 Put on your galoshes and your coat. It's cold out. 1012 01:22:08,212 --> 01:22:11,147 I had one when I was eight years old. 1013 01:22:11,749 --> 01:22:14,274 What if he hurts himself? Ralphie, your coat! 1014 01:22:15,586 --> 01:22:19,488 - Don't shoot any animals or birds! - Except the Bumpuses' dogs! 1015 01:22:21,092 --> 01:22:23,083 Be careful, Ralphie! 1016 01:22:23,761 --> 01:22:26,855 Now it is well known throughout the Midwest that the old man... 1017 01:22:26,931 --> 01:22:28,796 is a turkey junkie. 1018 01:22:29,667 --> 01:22:33,967 A bona fide garley turkicanus freak. A few days before Christmas... 1019 01:22:34,105 --> 01:22:38,201 his eyes would begin to gleam with a wild and ravenous light. 1020 01:22:42,179 --> 01:22:46,479 Okay, Black Bart, now you get yours. 1021 01:23:00,464 --> 01:23:02,398 Oh, my God! I shot my eye out! 1022 01:23:02,566 --> 01:23:04,124 You'll shoot your eye out, kid. 1023 01:23:04,602 --> 01:23:08,868 You'll shoot your eye out, you'll shoot your eye out! 1024 01:23:09,807 --> 01:23:13,004 Ralphie, you be careful out there. Don't shoot your eye out! 1025 01:23:13,077 --> 01:23:15,136 She hadn't seen! She didn't know! 1026 01:23:15,780 --> 01:23:18,374 My eye's all right. The BB must've hit my glasses. 1027 01:23:19,784 --> 01:23:21,479 My glasses! Oh, no! 1028 01:23:21,552 --> 01:23:23,213 Where are my glasses? 1029 01:23:24,855 --> 01:23:27,619 Few things brought such swift and terrible retribution... 1030 01:23:27,725 --> 01:23:30,694 on a kid as a pair of busted glasses! 1031 01:23:35,032 --> 01:23:36,294 Stop! 1032 01:23:48,512 --> 01:23:49,979 Oh, no! 1033 01:23:52,449 --> 01:23:54,713 Oh, no! Pulverized. 1034 01:24:06,597 --> 01:24:10,761 For a moment I thought, I'll fake it. They'll never know the lens is gone! 1035 01:24:13,437 --> 01:24:16,270 Randomly, my mind evolved a spectacular plot. 1036 01:24:16,473 --> 01:24:18,634 Let's see, an icicle! 1037 01:24:18,976 --> 01:24:21,342 Falls off the garage and hits me in the eye! 1038 01:24:21,679 --> 01:24:25,877 It would work. It had to work. Quickly, I whipped up some tears. 1039 01:24:32,156 --> 01:24:34,920 What's the matter, honey? What happened? 1040 01:24:34,992 --> 01:24:36,220 What happened? Let me see that. 1041 01:24:36,293 --> 01:24:40,059 There was this icicle and it fell off the garage and it hit me. 1042 01:24:44,435 --> 01:24:47,666 - What is it? - No, it's okay. Just read your funnies. 1043 01:24:51,842 --> 01:24:53,332 Wake up, Randy. 1044 01:24:58,115 --> 01:24:59,446 Oh, God. 1045 01:24:59,617 --> 01:25:02,677 It hit my cheek and it broke my glasses. 1046 01:25:03,187 --> 01:25:06,884 And I tried to get out of the way, but I... 1047 01:25:08,826 --> 01:25:12,728 There, see, it's just a little bump. 1048 01:25:13,097 --> 01:25:14,758 You're lucky it didn't cut your eye. 1049 01:25:14,832 --> 01:25:16,959 Those icicles have been known to kill people. 1050 01:25:23,207 --> 01:25:26,608 - What's going on up there? - Nothing. We'll be right down. 1051 01:25:26,911 --> 01:25:29,573 You stay away from that turkey! It's got an hour to cook. 1052 01:25:29,680 --> 01:25:30,840 You'll get worms! 1053 01:25:36,020 --> 01:25:37,510 But what about my glasses? 1054 01:25:38,088 --> 01:25:40,420 You can wear the old ones with the crack in them... 1055 01:25:40,491 --> 01:25:42,322 until we get you some new ones. 1056 01:25:45,162 --> 01:25:47,062 I had pulled it off! 1057 01:25:48,465 --> 01:25:50,330 But I left my gun outside. 1058 01:25:51,635 --> 01:25:54,502 When you get dressed you can go out and get your gun. 1059 01:25:54,705 --> 01:25:56,070 Hold that on there. 1060 01:25:56,573 --> 01:25:58,165 Life is like that. 1061 01:25:58,642 --> 01:26:03,579 Sometimes at the height of our reveries, when our joy is at its zenith... 1062 01:26:03,681 --> 01:26:06,582 when all is most right with the world... 1063 01:26:06,717 --> 01:26:10,050 the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us. 1064 01:26:25,502 --> 01:26:27,060 Oh, turkey! 1065 01:26:41,919 --> 01:26:45,116 Sons a bitches! Bumpuses! 1066 01:27:00,337 --> 01:27:03,932 The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the house. But it was gone. 1067 01:27:04,074 --> 01:27:07,100 All gone. No turkey. No turkey sandwiches. 1068 01:27:07,177 --> 01:27:11,204 No turkey salad. No turkey gravy, turkey hash, turkey � la king... 1069 01:27:11,315 --> 01:27:12,612 or gallons of turkey soup. 1070 01:27:12,683 --> 01:27:13,411 Gone. 1071 01:27:13,484 --> 01:27:14,746 All gone. 1072 01:27:19,390 --> 01:27:20,379 All right. 1073 01:27:20,858 --> 01:27:21,756 Everybody upstairs. 1074 01:27:21,992 --> 01:27:23,289 Get dressed. 1075 01:27:25,462 --> 01:27:26,952 We are going out to eat. 1076 01:27:51,255 --> 01:27:55,715 No! Not, "ra ra ra ra ra." "La la la la la." 1077 01:27:56,126 --> 01:27:56,922 Sing like this: 1078 01:28:05,369 --> 01:28:06,859 Try again. 1079 01:28:16,880 --> 01:28:18,074 Stop! 1080 01:28:18,849 --> 01:28:20,612 Sing something else. 1081 01:28:34,198 --> 01:28:35,256 No! 1082 01:28:35,332 --> 01:28:36,424 Stop! 1083 01:28:37,301 --> 01:28:39,565 Kitchen. Bring food. For customers. 1084 01:28:48,712 --> 01:28:50,043 Oh, I'm sorry. 1085 01:28:52,883 --> 01:28:54,544 It's a beautiful duck. 1086 01:28:54,952 --> 01:28:56,613 It really is. 1087 01:28:57,421 --> 01:28:59,048 But you see... 1088 01:29:01,558 --> 01:29:02,354 What? 1089 01:29:02,426 --> 01:29:04,394 It's smiling at me. 1090 01:29:09,967 --> 01:29:11,059 Okay? 1091 01:29:12,469 --> 01:29:13,902 Beautiful! 1092 01:29:17,441 --> 01:29:19,466 That Christmas would live in our memories... 1093 01:29:19,576 --> 01:29:23,012 as the Christmas when we were introduced to Chinese turkey. 1094 01:29:24,448 --> 01:29:26,439 All was right with the world. 1095 01:29:47,404 --> 01:29:49,702 Oh, honey, come over here. Look at this. 1096 01:29:50,541 --> 01:29:52,509 Is that beautiful! 1097 01:30:38,455 --> 01:30:42,721 Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue-steel beauty. 1098 01:30:43,493 --> 01:30:45,825 The greatest Christmas gift I had ever received... 1099 01:30:45,929 --> 01:30:47,362 or would ever receive. 1100 01:30:48,532 --> 01:30:52,195 Gradually, I drifted off to sleep, pranging ducks on the wing... 1101 01:30:52,269 --> 01:30:54,794 and getting off spectacular hip shots.